#the thing is that you KNOW if they lived alone theyd figure it out for themselves but bc someone else also lives there

[ravioliwings]

the way people will bend over backwards making excuses for grown men not knowing how to do basic household tasks is crazy

[cardboardclownery]

CRASHES THROUGH A BRICK WALL

HI HI IM ALIVE!!!! sorry for the relative radio silence on here ;v;

on the topic of that actually!!!! finally have a proper folie a deux au update for you!! though its slightly different than expected?

me and professional buddy and fellow au creator @cookiecaker decided to share a summary of the story we're making for the au beforehand since we'll be taking a whileeee to finish it,,, got a lot of life to live and horrors to create "-v-

after this though you mayyyy or may notttt see some out of order chapter drafts posted for the story as well,,, or atleast one? eh youll see ;Pc

ANYWAYS!!!! this is gonna take a while so lets get on with...

THE FOLIE À DEUX DOAI AU

a summary!!

or story pitch? idk-

(cookie please lemme know if i miss or improperly describe anything here feel free to correct me-)

PART 1

the first three chapters follow alex just after the end of volume 1 as theyre abducted by lankmann and confined to his asylum as a "patient." eventually they get sent to winfrey as food, but winfrey refuses to eat them. theyre left to die in room 66 by lankmann for a Long While, until eventually he gives up and just puts alex back in their room

while alone in confinement, alex starts noticing strange things happening... dark patches start appearing on their skin, they get random pains as if someone were kicking them, and they hear a voice... a much clearer voice than the ones they used to hear while working in the asylum, and it seemed to be able to read their thoughts. though they originally just assumed it was due to being part of their thoughts as well, they find that they start knowing things they had no way of knowing and never learned prior to being confined. when lankmann typically entered room 66, how long hes inside, certain areas of the asylum patients found that theyd never heard of before...

this "voice" managed to help alex find a way to escape, leading to them running away and moving to another, smaller town in eastridge than the one they originally lived in to avoid lankmann's pursuit

PART 2

[ ! tw for cannibalism. yes you heard me- ! ]

so after getting far away from the asylum, alex assumes that their hallucinations and weird symptoms of... Something would wear off, since subject 02 was no where near close enough to affect them

well uh. nope! theyre still there!!

so eventually alex figures out "oh shit that thing is in my head somehow" and is obviously quite concerned!!! to say the least!!!! but theyre also oddly comforted by the idea of having The Voice in their head, since now theyre not entirely alone while on the run and i mean it helped them escape so it cant be that bad?? either way theyre not exactly excited about the whole ordeal and theyre starting to look different and theyre really hungry all the time and its not fun

so! at some point (with winfreys suggestion) alex decides to run off to another town a bit farther away just to be safe. but Uh Oh theyre all out of food!! so theyre extremely hungry, forcing themself through it so they can get food when they arrive but. they see someone in the woods while walking

and for some reason that makes them even hungrier

they try to ignore it and keep walking but they cant

and the next thing they know

theyre looking down at a person

chewing off the flesh on their leg

covered in blood

even after regaining their senses they cant stop themself from eating. it tasted... so good... they were so hungry... they felt awful but it really did taste so s o g o o d .

in a haze, they discard the body, clean themself off and reach the next town. just after unpacking in an apartment, they collapse, flooded with the emotions they fought off on the way there

the next day, alex finally confronts winfrey (or winfreys voice rather-) about all their grievances and they eventually reach an understanding, as winfrey opens up about fearing the outside of the asylum despite longing to escape through alex, so they eventually agree to let winfrey pilot their body for a few days to get a feel for how the world has changed since the time winfrey had been free

in doing so, winfrey realizes how small and helpless humans are in comparison to them and how terrified the patients they devoured mustve been. this allows them to appreciate human life (specifically alex's) much more and want to escaped in their own body to join alex outside and introduce clyde to what they learned after finding it again

while piloting alexs body, winfrey is suddenly forced back into their own after lankmann inflicts enough pain to wake them from the dissociative state that piloting alex left them in. soon after this, winfrey overcomes the fear that was originally keeping them from escaping the facility and breaks out

PART 3

this section is a lot less figured out than the rest so uhh bear with me please ;v;

essentially this couple of chapters just follows alex and winfrey as they get used to life on the run, figuring out where to go from there and how they could potentially find clyde, along with just talking face to face and getting used to that. its a weird feeling talking to someone that you share thoughts with yknow? like talking to yourself but its... not... yourself...

around the start of this section winfrey also expresses that they feel drawn to feminity as a human concept, thus being referred to with they/she from this point on in the story!! transfem winfrey yippee!!! it just makes sense in our head idk-

PART 4

alex and winfrey start noticing news broadcasts and posters asking around for a "dark figure" lurking around, as well as warnings about alex being missing from lankmanns asylum. this fuels alex's paranoia, leading them to seeing lankmanns caretakers everywhere, feeling as if theyre being watched wherever they go... until eventually their home is ambushed and theyre taken back into lankmanns custody

alex is essentially used as bait to get winfrey to come save them from the asylum, since lankmann couldnt find a solid lead on where winfrey could be. alex tries to convince her not to fall for it, since they can both tell this is what lankmanns trying to do, but winfrey eventually caves and breaks back in to help alex, getting trapped inside once again

PART 5

depsite the circumstances, winfrey and alex do their best to stay determined and keep looking for a way out, but they dont make much progress. to make matters worse, lankmann tries "live feeding" patients to alex in the same way he did with winfrey due to realizing that alex has veldigun traits and assuming that theyd have the same appetite as her. this isnt the case, and eventually lankmann switches to dead patients as food for alex, which theyre forced to accept due to lacking any other options

both winfrey and alex are miserable in the situation, the helplessness sinking in fairly quickly as alexs body begins rejecting the growing veldigun portions of itself, decaying under the immense stress

during their final moments, winfrey pilots alexs body to allow an atleast somewhat peaceful death as their consciousness fades away, leaving winfrey alone to reflect on all that had happened...

...and thats the official end of the story!! i had like,, a hypothetical epilogue/alternate ending where lankmann forces a Mind Merge with winfrey somehow and then gets killed and she breaks out again but like. idk the logistics of that are iffy and i kinda prefer the more melancholy end for something like this ":]c

ANYHOW!!!! hope that was!!! something!!!! please feel free to ask questions or provide feedback or anything else im always happy to engage with my fellow freaks (affectionate) :]

ALSO IF YOU MAKE CONTENT BASED ON THIS AU LET ME KNOW I WILL DIE FOREVER alright thats it for real this time- stay safe broskissss BP

[mackmp3]

⚰️🕰️🌃 for your two favourite ocs

YAY YIPPEEEE THANK YOUUUUU i also kinda only have. two ocs hehe but YAY i also completey forgor about this so thank you for the reminder also

⚰️ - if your character lost a loved one, what would they do? would they grieve and move on? try to bring them back? cling to their remains?

mihangel has been dead before so his feelings on a loved one dying would be. Complex. because he knows how dark and empty it is to be dead but he also doesnt know if he's remembering right. maybe the afterlife is a beautiful place & he just doesnt know b/c he got pulled back into being alive? he would mourn & try to move on but there's still that nagging feeling of 'what if they really are alone'.

strangeways can talk to ghosts by partially entering their timestream and partially pulling ghosts into the normal timestream and She Would Do This. however she'd soon discover that talking to a dead loved one is actually a Terrible way to your live your life but there would definitely be a long period where she'd Want to sulk & be miserable about it and talk to them in the ghost world, even though it takes a lot of effort for her & only the most determined souls make fully lucid ghosts. especially if they've been dead for a while & are starting to fade, she'd still try to bring them through to this world to talk even when its incredibly draining for her. someone else very close to her would have to convince her to stop. she would be the kind of person to think 'i ALWAYS have to carry this around with me & be sad about it' even though she has an extended lifespan. she would think 'in a thousand years i still have to be upset about this' even if realistically the pain would have faded by then.

more under cut cos this is going to be. long lol

🕰 - what would your character do if they were stuck in a time loop?

YAYAYYYA TIMELOOP I LOVE TIME MESSED UP NESS!!!! they both have Time Things going on hehe

mihangel would. not be coping well with that. in his backstory a Time Thing happened to him that meant that events changed and he is no longer dead, and he would probably think that this is the universe tryng to right itself & fix time by putting him in a loop or a pocket dimension of something. he would be freaking out about being stuck in a timeloop (is he aging? will he ever die? is everyone else looping to or is it only me stuck here? how do i even begin to get out?), she has anxiety which isnt helping. i think (depending how long she's there) she would go through a period of like. doing slightly odd but not actually harmful things just b/c there are significantly less consequences. go for 2am walks by herself. be slightly weird in public. climb up the side of a building and sit on the roof all day.

strangeways would go straight to the 'oh hell yeah, no consequences!!' stage where she'd think 'well if the universe doesnt sort this out in a few days i'll deal with it then, but in the mean time i'm gonna steal a tv and set a couch on fire and go drinking & go to the loudest concert possible' but there would be a deep undercurrent of The Dread. she would just think well surely this will sort itself out soon right????? as she goes out for the 173rd night in a row of wandering around in the dark looking for something interesting to do, as a distraction while she hopes the problem will go away. she'd think to herself 'oh wow i could use this to study so much' only to find that her notes have unwritten themself you know. idk maybe the room wouldnt reset but you get the idea.

🌃 - what would your character do if they were trapped in a labyrinthine city that's alive?

THEYD BOTH BE HAVING SO MUCH FUN AND ALSO BE DEEPLY UNSETTLED BY THE EXPERIENCE YIPPEE

knowing them they'd probably be there together, so. mihangel would be trying to figure out where they are & how to get where they're going & get out again without getting lost/trapped/consumed by the city/etc. probably trying not to touch the walls. he'd be more Disguested when he works out the city is Alive i think. morbidly fascinated but more wanting to just Get Out Of There. strangeways would be pushing button and picking stuff up & being like 'haha wow this is kinda creepy & cool' while trying to cover up that she's actually really unsettled by the whole thing. mihangel would be interested in Looking Around, and strangeways would want to try & communicate with the city, whether or not they can work out if thats possible.

[ghostwor1d]

hurt

one time, a few years ago, i almost died.

(HUGE tw for somewhat detailed sui attempt and all the things that come with)

i think i was in a park. it was way past midnight, but far before the sun would rise. i didnt have any intention of seeing the sun come up. i intended it to warm my cooling body better than the shitty lamppost across the street.

so there i am, sitting on a rusty swingset. i was fairly certain i was completely alone. ari & mouses pokeballs were tossed on the grass, holding my note in place. the note was for them. i wanted them to know i was sorry. but i was ready. i was ready to die.

before i could do anything, i felt it. i could feel death creeping up my back, feel it caress my neck. i turned.

there was a gengar.

actually, there were three. the other two were lurking in the background, but the gengar let go when it realized i was alive. it floated out of reach, but i grabbed at it anyways, open wounds burning in the cold of night. i begged it to come back. to finish what it started. but it just hung there, suspended mid air, glancing from me to its friends before lowering itself and, before i could make any sense of it, drove itself straight through my torso.

being a ghost, it just went through me. but i could feel it. the oxygen leaking out of my lungs; the blood stop pumping through my body. i felt my heart stop. my organs felt damaged, as if they been put on display, pinned up for the world to touch. and it hurt—not in a traditional sense of pain, but in something far more emotional; something raw.

i wasnt able to keep myself standing. and the gengars surrounded me, presumably to finish the job, i figured. so i closed my eyes. minutes went by and i didnt feel anything. did they kill me? was i dead already? was it over when that one went through me?

the first thing i felt was something warm behind me. like one of them had wrapped themselves around me like a tepiggyback ride. the second thing i felt was two things fall into my lap. i opened my eyes. two of the gengars stood in front of me, one clearly having just dropped the items. it was ari and mouses pokeballs. theyd given them back.

“you dont understand,” i pleaded. “i need to die. you can help me. please.”

the one closest to me shook its head. it pointed to the pokeballs, then to my note, discarded in the grass. i couldnt understand. it placed its hands on my head, and so did the one behind me, and so did the one furthest away. and like a chorus, i heard them.

“you dont need to die. you want. what you need is to live, and what you are doing is existing.”

[lexa-griffins]

In the werewolf au, does Lexa ever plan dates with Clarke? Does Clarke try to figure out the dating thing and take Lexa on dates even though she doesn’t really have a reference point for it?

Uh, that's a good question! Because they enter this rather intense relationship almost immediately and are pretty much already bound together when they get to know each other so every day for a while there is basically a date.

Neither really know how to date for of course different reasons but Lexa was never allowed to date and as soon as she eas of an acceptable age she was forced into an engagement with a man she barely knew to make sure she didnt try to find hm.... a different type of lover. And despite having a secret affair here and there with women, she never had a date.

I dont think they ever really plan dates until later on in their relationship. And by late I mean, they already have kids late. Because before dates weren't really needed, theyd spend days walking around the woods, stopping at the lake to eat, going to do stuff Clarke has never done or vice versa. But when the kids get here they don't have all that much time to each other so they make little date plans. They arent anything major, maybe go into one of the towns close by and pretend to be passing by and get something to eat and drink just the two of them, going to the lake alone for a swim, a picnic in the meadow. They take turns planning what they are going to do and despite neither really knowing its a date, it is very much a date :)

(Raven and Anya stay with the kids because, thanks to you, they are now an integral part of the future plot and the kids' lives sjsjsjd)

[gayspock]

the voicess bwahhhh

my current crazy or whatever. see i thinkabout my life sometimes and the htought of stretching it out before me, and how genuinely its jsut been just me alone for so much ofit. like i thought about trying to think up the actual figure and the acutal percentage.... something something. say ivebeen alive 210k~ hours total give or take.

and then i think about school. apparently around 17k hours total. and i dontknow. really thats just being in the vicinity of other people, but i guessit counts in some roundabout way. usually at least a convo a day if you average out theperiods where i was nearly sociable with the longyears of just fucking spiralling in the toilets at lunch or redacted. and idk. say i spent 10k hours at my last job. probs laess than that at my current job cuz of the wfh availability.

and then i thinkabout the times outsideof that.cuz outside of that what is there. i could probably always just count on my hand the number of times i spent time with people outside of any of that. i know as akid it would barely be ever. and its not like my parentssspent time with me. and i think even being generous it cant get anywhere close to 20% . and of that 20% it isvastly that time spent in school or at work.

i thinkifeel crazy. whenever i see people talking about the casual wayshtey spend time with other people outside of thingslike that i feel like an insaneperson because im never going to understand any ofit i dont think . do you ever feel like you cant any more, likeits long fucking gone. like im never goingto learn it properly. something something. i wish i could be hopeful about it sometimes i dobut i fucking want to be realistic and not have smoek blown up my ass like fuckme realistically . i cant everget it together enough to get out there and, when i do i jsut dont think anyones evergoing to lke me. maybe theres someone in the worldwho would but i dont think i'd ever get to meet them and theyd probably better spend their patience elsewhere. becausei meani wouldnt want to spend time with me either when im so fuckign fucked in the head halfthe time and i cant talk right and i dont reallyhave anything else going on in mylife but fucking endless spiralling out of control that i cant eve rget a hand on and i dont know. people can be like "nobody things like that!" but liek look man. the vast majority of peopledo. its always fucking . suspicious and derision likewhy. why dont you have friends. why. and no imnot fucking good at talking topeople. i feelcrazy . i dont know how to. ive tried mybest but ifeel like i cant get anything right . i dont know whats wrong with me. because its like itsnot tat people hate-hate me like fine judge me but im jsut. i cant fucking find my way withanything . im so nothing or whatever. i cant follow anyones fucking conversatiosnever and it gets so much fucking worse when youre consistently left out of fucking eveyrthing and playing catch up the whole time and it just. i want torelax but i jsut feel like imgoing nuts.

andi get so sour sometiemes seeing people just live life and feeling lke even when i go out and i try to do it i jsut feel rejected at every point idont know. its fuckinghorrible. i feel so wrong all the time and i hate myself and idont want to do it any more and this and that and whatever and allitever is is just youre not trying hard enough or just keep trying or keepgoing and its just. why cnat it just be as easy as it isfor everyone else how can eveyrone else just be connected to things how canyou have friends that know who you are how can youhave family that knows what youre upto how do people exist in theirday to day lives justnot fucking alone 24/7 it feels like the world stops when italkto people sometimes because how many hours how long can you go i spend a day if im generous with people outside of work a day a year? is thatall and it always feelslike a pity gesture from someone who noticed or ive been tagged along with a group idont feel a part of and i wish it wasnt so easy tojsut fall out existence all the time i remember all the timeas a kidi'd loveee to just disappear and nobody would ever realise . and iheear people talk about interpersonal issues allthe time and ifeel so detached and disconnectedbecause none of it feels real any more i dont fucking even feel like its within my grasp like. i dontknow as a kid yes always fucking jealousand sad and trying to imagine the ways i'd slot into peoples livesbut wheres thepush and pull any more i cant even fathom it i dont fucking care . does anyone go nuts . whats it like tobe human or whatever whatsit like you can go out and fucking talk to someone or go out and do anyhting or oyu can go places and spend time with people . i dont have any photos in my house because i dont have any photos with anyone and i dont have any memories i try to go places alone and i tryto talk to people when i do but it just feels so hollow andlike im so desperate man i feel nuts i feel crazy bwahhh

[idktbhhhhhhhhhh]

TW/CW; discussions of trauma, past friendships, love bombing, etc.

I don’t think people talk about this very often, but sometimes it’s really hard to be friends with people.

I’m not saying everyone in a specific group is bad, just that, sometimes you find someone and you can’t help them, no matter how hard you’re trying or how much you want to.

I’ve been friends with a total of, three to four systems. And one of them was… not particularly good to everyone else. They would blow up at people and take things in ways we didn’t mean intentionally to try to act like them lashing out was a good thing. I never blamed them for hurting us, I really just wanted to help, in whatever way they needed. I just wanted to be there for them. If they wanted space all they had to do was say so. If they were in a bad mental state and would rather talk ab something else all they had to do was tell us.

It’s painful to be friends with systems sometimes. They’re amazing don’t get me wrong; they can’t control it, I just, wish I knew what to do.

One of the systems headmates was fading and, I remember when I found out it just hurt. It hurt so bad because I cared about them so much and I knew there was nothing I could do. I was mourning someone without them being entirely gone yet, not to mention everything else that was going on.

I still have mixed feelings about this specific system; because they left without so much as saying goodbye, claiming that everyone around them was super negative and that they hated it. All the while they had been love bombing people and focusing on them and them alone, ignoring everyone else and making one of the other systems feel abandoned and replaced; making me feel like I was being ignored and replaced. It was a cycle, theyd done it before and they’ll do it again. It hurts that I wouldn’t even get told of them abandoning their old acc, I wouldn’t ever get a goodbye. I only found out through mutuals, and everyone else was pretty much left the way I was too. They would just leave like that, without a word despite my trying to be there and talk to them and reassure them that I cared about them.

Everyone made them negative? Really??? Each of us had and have stories of them trying to do something horrible to themselves or others and us having to try to keep them on the line, trying to help them to the best of our abilities. We did nothing but support and try to help and this is the kind of treatment my friends got?

3/4 people in our group (two of them being systems; me being confused as to what or who we are) have abandonment issues.

It was hard to try to help others when we were struggling too. I’ll give until there’s nothing left to give, I’ll try to help even if I’m falling apart. I would drop everything in order to make sure that they were safe, that they wouldn’t do something hasty. I tried my best and I eventually figured out it’d never be enough.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be over this entire thing; and I don’t think this makes sense at all, but, they added one of the systems friends again and started talking to them. They said they left for everyone’s sake, or something. That they “understood”.

I don’t know if I can ever believe anything they’ve said. Not when they broke all their promises liberally the second they could.

If they wanted to talk to me they would, if they wanted to make things right they would. But they haven’t and I doubt they will, I just, don’t like having the nagging thoughts that maybe they still care or want to be around despite the fact that they haven’t tried at all to do so. They have my friends contact, they share a groupchat with me, they could if they wanted to. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll likely never talk to them again, that I’ll just have to live with everything and try to move on from— the mess that was that (because clearly I haven’t talked about everything that we went through w this system specifically).

I do want to make note that NOT ALL SYSTEMS are like this. This isn’t to try to give systems a bad name, or to try to demonize them in any way. This is just my personal experience with one system in particular who had a lot of issues and who in general was a shitty friend and who traumatized me and a few other people. I’m friends w several systems and most of them are lovely; they have their moments but everyone does and sometimes people need some time or support. That’s all.

I also want to make note that this system had more than enough chances from me and several others, and they have a habit of later on trying to paint people in a negative or dehumanizing light, we’re not sure why. We do not wish to see people assuming things about me or my friends, and if you find this offensive or mean feel free to block this acc since it is indeed just a vent acc for personal use only.

[shoezuki]

piglin techno confusing the fuck out of ranboo hcs

i jus be doin some shit sometimes n then my brain is like ‘hey think a this’ and i been tryin to type this out but my internet is so bad rn i couldnt even Open a new post what the fuck. anywayss. this ran so long. so fucking long

started with ‘i wonder how piglins act’ and now technoblade is doin some shit, ranboo is so confused, and philza is a delighted bystander who is having the time of his life

technoblade is 100% piglin. many people think he’s part human to some degree but hes Completely and Utterly piglin

most assume as much since he doesnt begin to rot in the overworld. but short answer; he’s Built Different

long answer is a blessing of the bloodgod but shhhhhh

techno never corrects anyone or talks about being piglin or Anything. he just doesnt care what other people think and assume. the only one who Knows is phil

phil had first thought it was out of some sort of shame or desire to Hide it but. yeah. no. techno jus doesnt care. build; different

although more Notable piglin traits come to like if he’s close to people

piglins are both social and anti social. kinda. they can be hugely independent, do well without ‘proper’ socialization for a Long while. but they group together for Lifetimes. once piglins find a family or friends and expend Full trust to them. its all or nothing you Cant break them up

how tommy betrayed and turned his back on techno just. its like a physical pain. once he trusted and respected him, the mere Idea of betrayal was nowhere in question. it never occurred to him

philza is now the only person that techno consciously and subconsciously considers him a part of his ‘pack’ (i cant figure out a better term but that one doesnt Fit)

techno never realizes when he acts piglin traits out towards those he trusts. he never does so in company outside of what he considers family. philza notices though.

phil tends to study and research other races and cultures a lot. he’s been around a long while, has met many people of all different backgrounds. he likes knowing and understanding what he can. its just fun too.

it mostly started when he first met techno because he wanted to figure out what the FUCK techno was doing without asking and therefore embarrassing him

but phil knows techno well. and he knows piglins well enough. and he Knows techno doesnt ever seem to be self aware of his more inhuman habits

but Phil knows. and he Notices when techno starts to consider ranboo a part of the pack

First, it’s gifts.

surprisingly, its ranboo giving techno the axe first

he wasnt there to see it. but phil might as well have been present, considering how Horrifically in depth techno ‘ranted’ to him bout it

but techno reciprocates it and Then he really starts to notice more and more

first, it was giving the enchanted apple to ranboo. sure it Technically had been swiped by techno out from under ranboo but it was still Something. techno wasnt one to give up valuables easily

then techno starts ‘complaining’ about ranboos living area. and his eating habits. phil looks away when techno smuggles golden carrots into ranboo’s shack 

eventually technoblade is crafting ranboo a cloak to match their own and he’s freaking out about ranboo’s height and his dimensions and how much cloth he’ll need but he refuses to ask ranboo and phil is holding his head in his hands

(phil forces techno to gift him the cloak in person rather than stash it under his pillow and run like he’d planned. techno bitched about it but after ranboo practically lit up, burying himself in the cloak and thanking techno so hard his throat mustve hurt, techno was so practically purring the rest of the day)

after gifts, its noises. 

techno is seemingly silent. he doesnt speak up much, moves so quietly people tend to jump when he appears. 

in reality, he talks to himself constantly. either when alone or when in phil’s company. philza knows that aspect is the ‘voices’, and also just technoblade’s tendency to fill the silence and wonder his own thoughts aloud

but the snorts, squeels, grumbles, and other sounds he makes without realizing are some phil knows are piglin

its often guttural, a noise he makes in the back of his throat that rumbles and reverberates through his bones. 

itd sound terrifying to anyone, but after years of techno trilling deep when phil enters a room, when he returns from some sort of journey, when he says hello or makes his presence known in anyway, phil realized its more like a greeting. excitement to see him. it became something sweet

long story short ranboo nearly jumped so high his head went through the ceiling when he’d first walked into the home, said hello, and some gruff purr sounded from the techno’s chest

theyd both jumped so hard, stared at each other as if they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the other 

phil was physically pained as he held back his laughter to the point he was crying. that changed the subject to him quickly

it didnt happen again for a while, but phil didnt say anything and just watched. it was too entertaining

techno would make his small squeals between breaths when he remembered something, muttered to himself, snorted and huffed even as ranboo was around

ranboo got used to it. he stopped jumping or even looking confused when techno trilled some sort of deep purr when ranboo would join them for dinner

lastly, techno was tactile

or, as tactile as he could be. techno wasnt touchy even on a great day. he was selective, reserved, would lean into phil or loop an arm over his shoulders but would never say anything about it

phil didnt question it and would just pat techno on the arm without saying a word

but. sometimes. when phil would be gone for a long time, techno would rest the entire weight of his head on phil’s shoulder, practically encapturing him, rumbling and grumbling so harsh it shook phil’s whole body

phil still wasnt certain on this one. he couldnt find much in the way of what it meant. piglin’s tended to stay with their own, and they never reunited after long periods of time because they never would dare to separate for long

 he was kind of guessing here, but the way techno would drop his shoulders and practically melt made phil think he was just missing him and wanted to confirm phil’s presence. 

it wasnt like he complained. it was sweet

ranboo had been gone a while. he was vague on why, or where. phil had a suspicion or two but ranboo kept a lot of secrets

neither techno or phil pried too far, but phil could tell it was disconcerting to techno. he was tense and kept himself almost deathly busy for two weeks

(piglin rarely if ever kept secrets from one another, phil had read once. omitting a few things here and there, maybe. but lying or deception was out of the question)

phil hadn’t been there when ranboo returned. he’d been gathering firewood after techno was insistent they completely top up all of ranboo’s stores

he’d heard the muffled growls techno made as he walked towards ranboos shack, before even seeing him. 

when phil found them techno had ranboo nearly completely obscured in his cape, and definitely he’d have been out of sight if he was any shorter. 

techno’s head was lofted heavy in the crook of ranboo’s neck, forcing ranboo to hunch with arms wrapped tight around ranboo. his arms were pinned. 

ranboo caught his eyes, looking so scattered and tired and confused and maybe even terrified. he might have spoken or maybe he just mouthed ‘help me’ but the gruff purr-like sound techno made was too loud to hear him anyways

philza shoved his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing

later that night ranboo asked phil if techno was going to kill him. phil wanted to scream

even later then, techno had admitted to phil that, yeah, okay, maybe ranboo was growing on him. phil had never felt so violent

[thinger-strang]

okay okay centerfold au (like....the song by the j geils band) where billy mas moved out and away from hawkins (he hasnt quite made it to california yet, hes not ready) and hes starting to let himself be gay and think gay thoughts and ya know indulge himself every so often

which obviously means he picks up a magazine from the back corner of the corner store he frequents

he does for something a little tamer, maybe throws in a few playboys just because hes nervous (which doesnt even matter because the cashier doesnt even spare the covers a glance once scanned)

gets home and eagerly flips through it, feeling excited that he can have gay porn out in the open in his living room without fearing for his life

hes mostly just idly looking through it, folding down a few corners of pages he'll revisit when hes in the mood, just kinda reveling in the freedom of it

until

he flips to the centerfold, the showcase, the main event and it's–

"steve?"

billy fucking drops the entire magazine, it lays open, teasing billy with those big brown eyes and tantalizing moles

its a good shot honestly, pretty tasteful, definitely not modest, but billy can appreciate the artful quality

of course not in this moment, in this moment billy is panicking?

who the hell told steve harrington he was allowed to do that?

billy finds himself staring at the photo; steve as the centerpiece, draped across several laps, being groped by way too many hands for billy's liking, steve's got a half hard cock in one hand, the other possessively wrapped around the thigh of a man standing next to him, everyone's sweaty and there's splatters of something all over everyone, and there's hard and soft dicks and muscular legs and soft bellies and flexing muscles but only one face

steve stares at the camera–at billy–with an enticing stare that seems to ask "what are you waiting for?" and the barest hint of a tongue pokes out–

billy cant look away but wants to tear his gaze away to anything else, he wants to memorize the page, he wants to burn it, he wants to frame it, he wishes it never existed, he wants to be in that room

billy thought he was over this silly crush on straight boy steve but heres he is, gripping another man's cock, letting another man's cock rest on his leg, letting other men hold him and touch him

it might be fine if billy hadn't seen steve in years, hadn't seen steve since he left that fucking hellhole behind but no, no!

steve harrington, the man who happened to be the centerfold of the one single gay magazine billy happened to pick up, was his upstairs neighbor

///

billy stares at the ground as he stops to get his mail, hoping, praying, that he'll be lucky and not run into anyone on his way home

prayers not answered

"hey billy, i haven't seen you in a while, you doin' okay?" steve asks cheerfully as he wiggles his own mailbox open.

"yup, doing just fine, thanks for asking" billy slams his box shut and hurries to the elevator without running and jabs the close door button a hundred million times

"woah hang on, hold the door!" steve calls after him, juggling his mail and his groceries that billy somehow didn't notice

steve makes it

fuck

steve's blabbering on about.... something, billy can't hear a word he's saying, he focusing on thinking about anything other than–

sweaty

magazine

dick

nude

moles

dick

dick

dick

billy is begging for any thought, anything, to cross his mind, anything but that stupid centerfold

"hey are you sure you're okay?" steve asks in a far too nice voice

"i told you i'm fine, please just leave me alone?" billy grits out

"i thought we were past all that" steve says in a sad voice

billy sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose

"we are, i'm just having an off day, got this killer headache ya know?" he lies through his teeth

"oh okay, gotcha, i'll be quiet" steve mimes zipping up his mouth

why is that worse why is that hot?

it's billy's floor and he can't get into his apartment fast enough

pulls out his dick and jerks it a few times before cumming right there in his kitchen floor

///

things don't get better

at all

billy avoids steve like the plague, which it wasn't like hung out on the regular, but theyd chit chat in the elevator or say hi when passing each other

so it was just awkward when billy would see steve in the hallway and immediately turn the other way

so it's not that surprising to wake up on a saturday morning to angry pounding on his door

"i'm coming, i'm coming, hold your fucking horses" billy grumbles as he pulls on a shirt and walks to the door

yanks it open to find a grumpy steve with his hands on his hips

"what gives hargrove? you said we were fine yet avoid me any time we so much as make eye contact? did i do something?"

billy has not had enough sleep to handle this conversation

"no you didn't do anything, it's kinda hard to explain just–" billy opens up his door to invite steve in

steve shoulders past billy and plops onto the couch

"coffee?" billy asks as he rubs his eyes

"im good" steve bites out

great

billy rolls his eyes and gets busy making himself a pot, trying to figure out how to say this, what to even say that would make this remotely okay

"oh my god" steve gasps

"what?" billy groans

he turns around and sees steve holding the magazine, clutching it really, something close to horror drawn all over his face

billy left it out on the coffee table as some sort of sick twisted 'fuck you' to neil

"shit shit SHIT i can explain–"

"no no i get it, um... i think i'm going to go, just... yeah i'm sorry i'll just–"

and with that steve was gone

///

this is worse, so so so very much worse

they either need to talk about it or billy needs to fucking find a new apartment

billy comes home after a long day at work to find steve knocking at his door

"hey–"

"jesus christ you scared me!" steve jumps into the wall

"sorry i kinda... snuck up on you, what are you doing at my door?" billy adjusts his backpack

"i, um... i wanted to explain? or talk? i get why you were avoiding me, i honestly forgot that came out this month" steve is twelve shades of the prettiest blush billy has ever seen

"hang on, let's go inside, i don't really wanna talk about this in the hallway"

steve's shoulders relax and he pressed himself into the wall to let billy open his door

steve sits awkwardly on the couch as billy hang up his bag and jacket and starts taking off his boots

"i... don't really know where to start" steve chews on his bottom lip and fidgits with his fingers

"i'm gay" billy blurts out

"what?" steve laughs

"i mean, i have a gay porn magazine, you're all nervous, i figured i'd break the ice?" billy shrugs

steve laughs and looks ten times lighter

"those pictures are older, i did them to help pay some bills while i was inbetween jobs, it was for a smaller thing, a blog or something, i dunno, it payed good so i said yes, i was desperate"

steve tuns his hands through his hair and breathes

"the guy who took the pictures asked if i'd be okay with him selling them to a bigger magazine, he said i'd get half the profits so i said yes"

steve shrugs and looks out the window

"so you just... did it for the money?" billy asks

"yes and no, i'm gay–well not gay, i'm bi but i'm... into dudes and all that, but mostly just to pay the bills"

steve finally meets billy's gaze with an almost scared look but more of a 'what are you gunna do about it' look

a lot like the one in the magazine

"that's cool, pretty brave too" billy says casually and leans back into his chair

"yeah... i'm kinda scared my job is going to find out that my dick is all over a magazine" steve laughs nervously

"you'll be fine, if it helps, you'd make a killing as a porno model"

billy grins wickedly in steve's direction

steve tries to smile back but it turns into a grimace

"i don't think it's weird, by the way... and while i don't think my crush on you from high school has quite gone away, i'm not going to like, make a move ot try to do anything" billy nudges steve's toe with his own

"okay" steve smiles for real this time

"okay" billy smiles back

"you really had a crush on me in high school?" steve smirks

"oh god, yeah, it was so bad, i didn't know what to do so i was just... an ass!" billy laughs

steve laughs along too and it's just comfortable, more comfortable than they've been ever

"do you wanna go get dinner?" steve smiles lopsidedly

"what!"

"like a date, do you want to go on a date with me?"

"it won't be weird?" billy asks earnestly

"not unless you make it weird"

billy grins and stands

"then let's go on a date!" he hold out his hand an hauls steve up

///

they're walking in comfortable silence, bumping into each other's shoulders, trying to make the other drop their left over box

they get to billy's door and kean against it, very much in each other's space

"you wanna know a secret?" steve asks with a mischievous glint in his eye

"sure"

"i had a crush on you in high school too" steve smiles and rests his forehead against billy's

"oh yeah!" billy leans into steve's touch, their noses bumping

"hell yeah" steve closes the distance and presses a soft kiss into billy's lips

[coffeecakefanfics]

Mosaic | B.B x Fem!Reader

An: I can’t tell if I like this but have it anyway

Fluff? idfk

requests are open

words: 2,011

It started innocently enough.  When Bucky was brought to the compound Steve had taken the young girl under his wing, treated her as his kid.  Though in all fairness she was Stark's actual kid first, she never minded Steve stepping in as a second parent. She actually appreciated Steve and Bucky coming to visit her in her room or when theyd all sit in the living room and watch movies, catching the pair up on things they’d missed. 

Steve had to go on a mission, it left a few other Avengers, Wanda, Nat, Bruce, Bucky, and Peter (who popped in every now and then to ask for help from the older girl). 

“Hey Guys, can you do me a favor and look at this piece and tell me what you think?” She asked, carrying a large canvas into the Kitchen. Wanda stood at the stove, Pepper was sat at the counter typing on her laptop and Bucky was perched at the table, a cold look on his face. 

“Show,” Wanda grinned and turned from the stove.

“It’s for my senior portfolio, my theme is “Lost in Time”,” Y/N spun the canvas, setting it on the table.  It was a painting, a painting of Steve and Bucky from the forties, a painting of a picture that to Bucky’s knowledge had been lost. The breath left his lungs and tears sat at the edge of his eyes. 

“I Figured I’d paint my two favorite guys, you know, since you literally were lost in time and all,” she gulped the lump in her throat at everyones silence. 

“Do, do you have more?” Bucky asked barely above a whisper, his fingers willed him to reach out. Y/n slowly nodded and peeked down at the painting. It was the first thing he’d ever said to her, and her alone.  It made her heart skip and her stomach flutter. 

“It’s beautiful Y/n. I’m sure this is the one that’ll get you the scholarship,” Pepper smiled and stood, kissing the top of the girls head. 

“Thanks Pepper, Hey Wanda how long till dinner?”

“About 30 minutes dear,” Wanda smiled at the girl. 

“Okay, Bucky I can. . .Show you the others, if you’d like that,” Y/n spoke slowly, testing the waters.  Receiving a nod in response the girl hugged Wanda and kissed Pepper on the cheek before leading the man up to her room.  The walls were a soft white and were littered with paintings and posters and vinyl records.  Bucky watched as she set the painting on an easel.  

“This one is one of Steve, When he was doing the propaganda tour,” she smirked and pointed to the painting. 

“That one is of a little boy i’d found in an old photograph, he’s polish.  Oh this one, is actually inspired by Gone with the Wind umm, it’s one of my favorite books and movies that’s a period piece,” she motioned to a painting of a woman on a swing in one of the big puffy dresses. 

“It was mine too,” Bucky almost, almost smiled.

“I have a copy of both if you’d like to ever read or watch it,” she beamed at him.  It set something in him ablaze.

Here she was 25, sitting in her apartment on facetime with her little sister, working on her portfolio 

“Morgan I promise to come see you and mom this weekend, I just have work,” Y/n laughed at her sister.

“But I miss you now,” The little girl frowned. 

“I miss you too goofball,” her eyes welled up.

“Mommy says you’re going to be famous,” Morgan spoke pointedly into the camera. Y/n let out a chuckle at her sister. 

“Don’t jump baby, I still have a lot of work to do,” she smiled.  

“Mommy also said daddy would be proud of us,” her heart panged at that.  

“He would Morgs, you know, Daddy loved you very much,” Y/n felt tears slip from her eyes. 

“Come on Morgan, dinner, “ Pepper spoke, “Say bye to Sissy,” 

“Bye, Hurry home”

“I will” Morgan passed the phone to Pepper. 

“How are you doing Sweetie?” Pepper had a solemn smile on her face. 

“I’m. . . “ Y/n stopped. “I miss him, everyday,” the tears spilled over.

“I know baby, I miss him too. Our door is always open if you want to stay,” Pepper tried not to cry, for Morgan. 

“Thanks mom, Give Morgan a huge hug for me okay, I’ll see you this weekend,” Y/n choked. Pepper said her goodbyes and hung up the phone.  (E/c) eyes drifted to the larger than most canvas across the room,  the canvas covered her dining table and was adorned with a half painted portrait of her dad, Steve and Nat.  The memorial piece would be hung publicly at the new Stark Memorial building.  She tried to finish it, the unveiling was in two weeks, but nothing felt right.  It had been 6 months, 6 long months without her dad, without Nat, without Steve.  

A gentle knock drug her attention to the door.  She drug her feet as she crossed the room, opening the door as much as the chain would let her standing before her was Bucky and the New Captain America, Sam Wilson himself. She gasped and slammed the door shut, flinging it open and wrapping her arms tightly around Bucky.  The tears fell again. 

“Holy shit, how, how did you find me?” she asked as she pulled back and threw her arms around Sam. 

“Had to ask your stepmother,” Sam smirked when Y/n stepped back. 

“In, come in, sorry,” she stepped aside and let the men in.  The two smirked at the decor in the apartment. 

“You always did know how to make a place feel like home,” Sam joked and let his eyes drift over pictures of her with the Avengers. 

She turned her attention to Bucky who shifted in his shoes. “I missed you Buck,” she smiled at him. 

“Missed you too doll,” he bit his cheek. “Sorry I didn’t call I-” 

“Don’t” Bucky gave her a look. “Don’t blame yourself, you had a lot going on, so did I, but it’s okay you’re here now, so chill,” she smiled and nudged him, earning a light chuckle. 

“So what brings you handsome men to my little home?” she joked and pulled down two wine glasses 

“Well, we wanted to check on you, it’s been 6 months. Hear you’ve been busy?” Sam questioned, and thanked her when she handed him the wine. 

“Yeah um, I managed to get into an art exhibit, and I’m working on a piece for the Stark Memorial building,” she handed a bottle of beer to Bucky.  She’d never admit it, but she kept a six pack in the fridge for if he ever stopped by. 

“Stark Memorial?” Bucky asked. 

“Uh Yeah the memorial building, one of my artist friends is carving the statues out front of Steve, Nat and, Dad, I am in charge of the Painting for the entryway, the one that’ll hang above the door.  The memorial is going to display the suits and tech and stuff like that I don’t know the specifics,” She stammered on.  The three sat and talked for hours before Sam had to go, it was getting late and he didn’t want to miss his flight in the morning. 

“Bucky?” her voice was soft.

“Yeah Y/n?” he looked at her. Regret filled his belly as he took in her frame. 

“Do you mind staying a little longer, it’s been a while and I missed you,” her voice was shaking, nervous, scared of rejection.

“Of course,” he nodded and sat back down. 

“So therapy?” she spoke, her tone lighter.  Bucky let out a groan. 

“Do NOT get me started,” he rolled his eyes.  Y/n let out a laugh, a laugh that he missed.  

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to her, in fact he would sit and watch her name light up his shitty phone.  He was afraid, afraid that he would get attached, that she would leave him too. That his heart would betray him yet again.  He was Afraid of losing her, of loosing the only other person he felt at home with until now. 

“I’m proud of you Buck,” she swirled her wine, he hadn’t noticed she’d brought the bottle to the table. 

“For?”

“Trusting Sam,” she peeked up at him. A soft pink dusted his cheeks. He took a sip of his beer, missing the feeling of being tipsy or drunk. 

“I wanted to call,” he blurted out.  His words took the girl aback. 

“I just, I couldn’t bring myself to, not after what happened,” he cleared his throat.

“Oh Buck,” she set her glass down and stood up. “Come here,” she held her hand to him.  He traced his eyes over her hand, up the expanse of her arm, over the curve of her shoulder, before allowing himself to submit to her.  Her hand was soft, warm, clammy.  She led him through her apartment and opened a door.  She pulled him through.   With a flick of the switch the room buzzed to life, her studio.  His eyes danced around the murals and paintings that littered the desks and shelves and walls.  His eyes were directed to a desk in the corner, a sheet was draped over a canvas.  Her fingers lifted the dust colored fabric to reveal a painting that knock the air out of Bucky’s lungs and made his eyes well up.  The same effect her first painting had on him now knocked him breathless once again.  It was the two of them, sat side by side in the quinjet, his first mission.  The two wore huge smiles across their faces.  Her hair was set back neatly and Bucky had his pinned back, courtesy of the girl next to him.  God only knows what had them all smiled, but that was the moment they realized they needed each other.  

The mosaics of paintings around the room started to make his spin, most were snippets of them. Have you ever taken that first sip of coffee? The way it slides down your throat and hits your belly so well it speaks to the soul.  The feeling Bucky felt when he looked back at Y/n again.  Her hair was messy from work, her lips stained from the wine, the way her clothes fell on her body had Bucky’s head spinning.  He felt almost dizzy? Is dizzy the word he felt.  He let himself go, entirely, giving in to the craving of her skin on his.  He enveloped her in a hug that was nothing short than the blanket of security she had longed for since her dad passed, since Steve left, Since Bucky hadn’t returned her calls.  The barrier between the two crumbled as he cradled the back of her neck gently in his hand, the cool metal pressing her back to be closer, willing himself to conjoin with her, to never leave her again.  Tears fell from his eyes this time. 

“I was scared,” he said. “Steve left me, he chose her, and I didn’t want to lose you too,”? He choked. 

“Buck?” He couldn’t respond, only nod. 

“Your painting was the one to get my scholarship,” she spoke, her voice was shaky, small. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he pulled back, letting his fingers brush over her cheek. “So proud” he pursed his lips. 

“I buy plums and beer just in case you come by, I reread Gone With the Wind and the Hobbit when I'm sad because it was your favorite. I sleep with my window cracked because hearing outside made you sleep better. I never wash my clothes on Wednesday because that was your day.  I am a mosaic of you and all of your pieces,” the way she looked at him shattered every doubt he had.  The way her lips felt against his shattered hers.  The two wrapped themselves in each other, relishing in the feeling of releasing pent up emotions.

[bioodorange]

||How I See The Pastas||

© @frozensriracha, for some help with visuals!!

This was originally supposed to be how they looked but I decided to go for mental aspect and explain why as well PLEASE like, reblog and share your thoughts on this in the comments or inbox

Below the desciptions are images i’ve compiled and some art (if you know the creator please tell me so i can credit them) for a visual

dont forget to like reblog and share your thoughts with me, I spent a few days on this so i’d appreciate this

Jeff the Killer

So lets start with the obvious- jeffs pasty white toothpaste lookin skin

But realistically he wouldn’t be completely covered in scars

It would be blotchy, with pink fleshy patches among the burns

He most likely has contracture scars, third degree burns that turn the skin a pale white and tighten the skin

This explains his gaunt features and skin color

Now we have to take into account the vodka that was splashed on him, he’d probably have worse burns there with exposed flesh and damaged nerves

This would result in gnarly exposed skin, a damaged scalp and maybe damage to his teeth and eyes

Realistically, Jeff wouldnt have burned off his eyelids that alone would have resulted in blindness and death

Than his smile, his signatuure mark would probably be more of a gangly bloody scar mess

Pastas heal faster and aren’t really human, he’d have to recut his smile pretty frequently making it pretty jacket up because ltes be honest hes far from clean

ANd than his hait being chard black is very unlikely because as nasty as he is he s h o w e r s

not very frequnetly given his living situation and untreated burns but people can figure out how to wash hait and not much else

also i think its funny he’d shower with a plastic bag on his face to avoid getting soap in his nasty infected scars-

His hair would probably be dry and cut unevenly, more of a dark brown color with blonde undertones

Not to mention his burned scalp, hair probably wouldn’t grow there so he’d have a cool unintentional side shave

Jeff would also be a tall individual, he cant really eat, snacking on things from his victims homes giving him a more skeletal build

His personality and mindest is about as pretty as his face- but he most likely has a very screwed up headspace

Lacking in self care, maturity and sanity its fair to say he’d be a brash and violent person

Fun Fact: While researching this I learned that some versions of the joker had facial scars in the shape of a smile

Ticci Toby

So tobys age, unlike a lot of pastas, is pretty well agreed on, 19

So unlike when he was first a proxy toby most likely has stronger facial features and facial hair

Because shaving and hygiene isn’t first priority for pastas (gross-)

He stands around 5′7 and has grayish skin

Toby i feel is picky about foods, not only is it hard for him to eat its hard for him to keep food down

He’s malnourished explaining his thin figure and grayish skin

His hait is dark brown and a curlish mess, unkempt but short so it doesn’t get in his way

I’ve always seen him with a small gap in his teeth, because I can

And since toby can’t feel shit I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to eat rocks simply because he fuckin could

So some chipped teeth that are a bit uneven

Along with his CIPA and not eating enough Toby would bruise easily and have lots of scars, from things like cutting his finger on accident or getting mauled by a racoon

I wouldn’t be surpised if some of his joints were a bit screwed up, because whenever theyd beak or fracture he wouldn’t notice, this would probably happen a lot causing them to not heal correctly

One of tobys habits is nailbiting but he cant te;; when too far is too far

His fingers may be abit odd looking, knobby and discolored nails because of how exetreme his habit is

Would most likely have bandages around his fingers frequently to prevent the habit

So theres a lot of debate about tobys cheek was it the CIPA or the car accident, I beileve the accident because his other cheek is completely fine, theres damage from the OUTSIDE to inside and considering his sister died in the accident its unlikely he survived unscathed

Fun Fact: only a small handful of people have ever been diagnosed with CIPA, less than 500 (documented) cases around the world

Bloody Painter

So Helen is often seen as quiet emo painter boy 

but uh no <3

Personaly i beileve he suffers from narcisistic personality disorder, exetreme importance and that he is always victorious and gets what he wants

This sporuts from the constant heavy invalidation from classmates, toxic friends and neglect from his parents

He doesn’t hang out with people because he doesn’’t lie them its because they never let him in the past and he beileves he’s better than them

But this also links to deep rooted insecurity and social anxiety/being inept completely

Him being nice is basically so you like him, he wants validation amd admiration not love

Unlike the other pastas he’d be a more clean well kept one a helthy figure and some tattoos bevause he can

I beileve he lives in socity, finding hus victims in girls and men alike who fall for his charm

he uses hhis skill and ordinary appearance to blend in on the streets

From his behavior helen most likely keeps his hair a bit shorter and clean

He always looks his best

Has chapped, and picked at lips because of his anxieties

Aswell as his breakdowns- his identity is completely in his head, he is very unsure of who he is and takes the delusions in his mind as reality

Unrelated but paino fingers-

And finally in order for his art to be as perfect and amazing as him, he has to be apart of it

Thus using his own blood in his pieces and the body parts of those he admires

Covers his scars with clean bandgaes

But his paintings turn brown and dry out, he’s always in need of a new medium

Is most likely anemic from all the blood he looses and has a paler skintone

Clockwork

ahh yes finally someone who knows what self care is-

helen, i love you buddy but you need to stop 

But anyway natalie has a stronger, athletic build

She often chases her victims and gets in altercations, relying on strength most  of the time

on that same note, this would defintelty cause many scars on natalie

Wether it was a bite mark or scars from a kitchen knife, shes got lots of scars

A few even on her face

Now, for the clock in her eye that thing is like holding her skull together at this point, realistically

She is probably delicate and cares for it becaise 1) it hurts 2) if it gets screwed up that could cause a lot of problems

natalie would be a smart person, I wouldn’t be surprused if she had a few other stray stitches or bandgaes wrapped around a fresh wound

For more visual-ish things uh m u l l e t (credit: @cum-looking-sock-mf in a chat like 4 months ago)

She has one, fight me on it

but also thick and curlish hair so I also riase you

Undershave

just y e s

I can also see her getting tattoos over certain scars on her arm, just to make them look not so ugly

I feel like clockwork wishes things worked out better

Wishes for another chance but knows she’ll never get one

Thus her taking goof care of herself

Natalie throws herseld into her “work”, keeping her body in shape and killing people

Its a way to avoid her life and that it is- a huge, sad mess

Shes an outgoing impulsive individual, confident but questions her actions

She’s also unstable- protective and loyal but explosive and strong 

Jane the Killer

Jane is the final one, im sorry I couldn’t do more theres a photo limit and I wanna bash my head into the wall

Now a main different between her and jeff is she had surgery and lie treatment

Janes skin is still greatly scarred but it is greatly healed

She takes care of it and had skin grafts

Her face is disfigured, a scarred smile and burns around

But unlike Jeff she doesn’t recarve the cut so its a cleaner line and a lot healthier

Janes hair took a rather long time to grow back, but it did! 

She has a slightly long pixie cut a bit choppy but she doesn’t mind

Her wife definetely cuts it for her and you can fight me over that

I can see Jane having a lot of facial trauma, scars around her nose and cheeks

She was young when she started killing and went for the over the person, pin them down kill which didn’t work out

She switched to a silenced pistol after awhile, you know like a smart person

Janes arms and legs are in alright condition where most of the burn trauma is on her back

She has a leaner but healthy figure but like boobs-

Like clockwork and Helen she takes care of herself

She doesn’t kill as frequently, going after a few of jeffs victims before him and is of course, actively hunting him down

Her eyes are a pale green and she wears makeip to fill in her eyebrows because those bitches take a long time to grow back

fun fact: jeff has no eyebrows, fight me

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

emergency donation post. if you have the time please read for context.

please send donations to my cashapp $pikman2

hi i know i dont have tons of followers but im hoping i can get some circulation because my family is in some really dire circumstances rn.

ive always been against making donations posts because i always figured others had it worse than me, but now that theres children involved im desperate and im selling my own things/ working overtime just for cash. my moms wife, D, cheated on my mom with my moms boss after being married for 6 years with 2 kids, and up and left without trying to talk about it at all. After originally kicking us out, she realized she couldnt afford the house thats under her name alone, and let my mom and the kids and my nana live there temporarily. our name isnt on anything, and if my family gets kicked out again theyd be homeless. right now my older brother, my nana, and my two younger siblings- both elementary school children- are dependent on my mom. my mom recently lost her job because she couldnt work under her boss anymore and the entire work place was extremely bad for her mental health. D and her new GF then sent their work friend to go "spy" on my mom while she was out with her friends (D started doing coke again around last year so her behavior is erratic) and the guy who they sent physically assaulted my mom. my mom already has prexisting injuries on her back and a past broken wrist from a few different abusive exes she had years ago, AND on top of that just last year my mom got in a nearly fatal car accident that fucked up her back more, and the assault made these injuries incredibly worse.

my mom (pictured above) has been prescribed new medication, but no longer has insurance because she lost her job. she works retail now which is extremely taxing on her body. my mom lives in texas and has applied many times to state assistance programs but she keeps getting denied. The house isnt in my moms name, so she has no proof of address to allow her to get food from any nearby foodshelves. after the accident my mom has really bad fears of driving and cant drive long distance without her anxiety becoming debilitating.

my brother recently got sick and is getting tested again. my nana has social security but its only 900 a month, really only 700 after buying her meds. my mom and i are the only ones working.

below are the some of the bills my mom has to try to earn in one month on 11 dollars an hour

plus rent which is 1250 and her car insurance. currently they spend all money on bills and barely have food or hygienic products most of the time.

D  hasnt been very helpful during all this, as she expects my mom to pay  all the bills despite knowing my mom is solely responsible for the well  being of 5 other ppl rn, and despite the fact EVERYTHING is in Ds name.  unfortunately we cant really negotiate with her because she can just  kick us out and then we'd lose shelter.

TL;DR

to clarify, i live in minnesota rn, so im not asking money to help ME, but rather my immediate and closest family- 5 people, 2 children, one elderly. my moms mentally ill, has chronic pain and longlasting injuries mostly from past abusive relationships, recently got in a traumatic accident, then was assaulted by her wifes friend after her wife of 6 years suddenly left after her affair was exposed. she just got prescribed a bunch of new meds that she cant afford but needs in order to keep working, all the while needing to pay off all the bills which comes to a total of about 2,000. there are 5 people in the house- my mom, my nana, my brother and two children. they are all constantly at risk of homelessness, they barely have any food at the house, and because nothing is in there name they cant show proof of address which is required at all food shelves locally. my mom cant drive far because of her anxiety due to her past accident and shes the only licensed driver in the house.

right now ive stopped school completely to work full time at my current job in retail. im trying to find a new job that pays more so that we can start saving money so they can move somewhere affordable and no longer have to deal with D. ive been doing this since the beginning of 2020 and if youve been following me you know i also stopped my own HRT and meds just so my family can eat, which has basically fucked my mental health incredibly, as im already suicidal and have been on and off meds/therapy/inhospital since early highschool. i skip days without eating and only do it when i need to so that my family can have more money. basically, ive exhausted everything i can to help and its still not enough.

Please if you can consider sending any donations directly to my cashapp $pikman2. every little bit helps, even 1 or 2 dollars can help with small groceries. thank you.

[unironicduncanstan]

Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon - 700 word oneshot (angst) (plot twist) (cliffhanger)

Pairing: Gwanon x Trustin Spa Anon

Rating: PG-13

Pov: First person (Gwanon)

Plot: gwanon gets a mysterious anon of her own, it sparks her interest but just when it seems all is well, a mysterious third party enters the scene. . .

~~~~~

the keyboard clacks beneath my fingertips as i update my sierra blog. im deep in my research for an overlapping slur that i could conveniently use against both fans of courtney and nicki minaj at the same time. as i find a particularly outdated one, in my intensity i accidentally knock my all lives matter mug off the table. it spills the blue paint i was drinking all over the floor.

“Oh no!” i say, capitalizing the first letter and ending with an exclamation point in real life.

i look down only for a moment to clean up my mess, and by the time i look back at my screen, i see that someone has answered my anon hate. this had better be good. i even made sure to use the word whore, which is #3 on my slur list

to my dismay it looks like they just posted some stupid meme of cody. i sigh. courtneys war crimes go unchecked yet again. i stroke the picture of gwen i have in my locket. it makes me feel better. maybe theres some new content for her in the tag. . .

i open up a tumblr search and scroll around a bit, passing what looks like hieroglyphs and a random picture of fondant, but i’m only ever searching for one thing. the chance to avenge her. i refresh. there at the top, a brand new post reads; ‘hey guys. gwen stinky’. i take a deep breath and try to keep going. i take another large swig of paint to calm my nerves down.

hey, whats this? i have a new ask! but i havent sent any more death wishes today. . .

the message takes me off guard. its short and concise. “draw trent justin spa art please.” i stare at it for a moment, trying to register what it could mean, when i suddenly receive another. 

“trustin Spa now. 😡” i wonder quietly to myself if they have the wrong person. before i can think of what to respond with, i see yet another ask. i refresh, assuming its them, but to my disappointment its another anon hate response. this time im met with a poorly edited meme of gwen confessing to war crimes. i had forgotten, id asked someone for a character tier list last sunday. i didnt think theyd catch on so fast. with every passing day, my notoriety grows, and the loyalty to my queen becomes harder to bear. . .

my mind goes back to my previous contact. i decide to go back into the tags and see if there’s anything to make sense of this. there i see it, hate blog after hate blog, anon after anon. i sit back in awe at the craftsmanship and dedication. the crackhead energy actually makes my heart skip a beat. my gwen locket clinks against my chest as i reread their absolutely spot on death threats, sprinkled in emojis.

what is this feeling. . . am i impressed or . . . something else. . . ? i shake my head, going back to my askbox and preparing to finally type a response. i try multiple times, but i cant figure out what to say. just when all hope seems lost, i realize what i have to do. i have to make my own move. i get into typing position.

“Do you think gwen deserves to die? Is she a monster? Is the name Courtney kind of whoreish?” i hit post. my heart races. i wait for a response as patiently as i can, on the edge of my seat until i Finally see my askbox light up.

“all i want is trustin spa”. i settle back into my chair, staring wistfully at the ceiling. finally, ive found someone who can accept the truth without a fight. their passion inspires me. i know in my soul what i have to do. . . i get out my sketchbook and start on a trustin spa piece, working with as much effort and swiftness as i can. ive never been more passionate about a project before. i cannot wait to show them, that is until i get another message. . .

this one is unfamiliar. in fact, it might throw a wrench in my entire plan to woo my anon, as it appears to be a callout. the only problem is, i didnt do the thing im being cancelled for this time! with confusion, my eyes scan it one more time. . .

“i used to really respect and admire you but i have no idea why you would make up a rumor about amegaotaku being a Zionist. it’s not true so leave her the fuck alone.“

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[thenightlymirror]

the thing is I also have a grating personality and a lot of people are repulsive to me? I guess it’s hypocritical because I’m so ugly and self-centered. but yeah, I don’t really enjoy spending time with people for the most part. idk what to do because I don’t want to die a virgin but I don’t know if anyone is “right” for me. theyd have to be very tolerant??

1) A lot of people are repulsive.

It’s ok not to like most people. Most people are horrible. You’re not trying to fuck most people. Haha that’s ok. That will make the person you do find all the more dear to you. That’s not a bad thing. That’s sort of sweet, actually.

2) Don’t be so self-centered, then!

Listen, a lot of individualism is just survival and you have the right. Busybodies ask too much of you. Everybody wants you to smile and enjoy things you hate and to be a moron. Fuck that, obviously. You have to believe that being more genuinely yourself, and loving people as they are, when they are more genuinely themselves, is the only world worth living in. That’s not living in a shack in Montana hoping the world dies. That is genuinely loving the world. If you can’t be free among people, you can’t be free.

I doubt your personality is entirely grating. Look at people. Are their personalities grating? Yes. Entirely. And a lot of them are having sex. Like pond ducks. They found somebody exactly as not-special as them. You follow me on tumblr, I’m sure your personality is somewhat “niche”, but within certain parameters, surely. There’s all kinds of people a little like me on here, and I’m a fucking freak. There’s people like you out there too.

Now here’s the thing: are all relations with all human beings—even and especially the ones you love—like being dragged across concrete?

Yes. Haha yes, absolutely. But not all the time. It’s not easy. If you have bad days, this imaginary significant other is going to have bad days too. You share them. It sucks. It’s also a blessing and the absolute best thing that can happen to a person’s life. But it also sucks sometimes. You figure it out and fuck it up and fix it and learn as you go. That’s how fucking is as well, incidentally.

Listen, it’s not a huge deal you haven’t had sex yet. That’s not the main thing. You sort of misunderstand people, and as you try to open your life to others, you’ll have sex with some of them. Ok, I realize that’s an intense anarchist interpretation of human relations, but you asked me. You can date. Relatively decent people will like you enough to have sex with you. It’s not crazy, you just aren’t putting yourself out there. It’s all abstract and imaginary to you and you’re very comfortable sitting at home and don’t actually want to concretely, actually, fuck anyone. You’re just worried being a “virgin” means you’re a dork.

My advice is, it’s not about being a virgin. You have this idea you’re worse than you are, and you are scared people might be exactly as bad as they seem (they are). But people are beautiful. When you get right down to it, people, everyone really, but especially some, are heartbreakingly beautiful and interesting. Everyone is hiding what’s good about themselves because society is hell and I don’t why people do that. But if you get a nose for it, it’s really amazing. Go find out. Fucking is only such a small part of that.

That’s not sex advice, that’s life advice. You are very comfortable alone, but that’s not all life is. You’re only seeing a very dull, safe corner of what’s possible. Go find out what people are. Then you can enjoy being alone, and being with people in exactly the right proportion. It’s all too imaginary now.

Honestly I’m sure you’re great. Everyone is wayyyy more than they appear or understand. Thankfully. Sorry for the long post.

[chikkou]

Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true 

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them. 

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER. 

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors. 

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after. 

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence. 

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be.