#the weekend was super stressful
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I have...negative motivation to do homework tonight...
#wing does things#the weekend was super stressful#(including my checking account ending up in the negative)#and I woke up with a migraine this morning#apparently I get my car back Friday but then I have to DRIVE IT until we can sell it which#isn't happening soon#you can't sell a Kia in the state where car theft is currently the highest in the country#how am I supposed to feel safe driving it anywhere?#how am I supposed to focus on my homework tonight?
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✏ WIP Whenever ✏
Thank you for the tags @captastra @darkfire1177 @the-lastcall @hibernationsuit 💖💕
Haven't been working on too much personal art lately so not many new things to share
Have a lil sneaky peeky at these tiny sketches for the next few faith and max smoochy prompts in my ask box tho :]
open tag to anyone who wants to jump in!
#next week is gonna be great for faith and max enjoyers it looks like#just wanted to get a couple of these sketched out before I leave for the weekend#since they've been really nice (and much needed) stress relievers#I promise I haven't forgotten abt the other prompts in my ask box!!#I just have bigger ideas planned out for those and haven't had the time to work on them!!#but believe me I have been SO excited for when I can get back to them#they're literally all I think abt in terms of what I want to draw next!!#those and p&p au AND western au okay!! I have all the ideas planned out in my head but no time yet!!#2024 is gonna start off with some banger art fr fr#ily friends thank you for tagging me sorry I've been super slow getting around to everything#my mind has been all over the place and it's just that time of year ya'know#much love to y'all always <3#my art#faith and max
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me: MY HAIRLINE IS RECEDING OH NO OH FUCK
also me: full time student (worth noting i wrote stupid here at first without realizing), 20-30 hours in customer service every week, teaching myself 3/4 classes, teaching myself advanced algebra with a teacher (basically just a proctor) who shuts down any/all asks for help, juggling college financial woes, navigating dying relationships/people abandoning and/or attacking me bc i don't have time for things i used to anymore, none of my hobbies are making me happy when and if i have time for them,, i have no time for myself, i'm on my second all-nighter this week, i'm perpetually exhausted in a way sleep isn't fixing, my body aches because i'm so tired, and i'm barely able to stay asleep when i do get the chance bc the anxiety wakes me up
my hairline: two hops this time!
#i'm so stressed man#sehtoast rambles#sehtoast vents? fuck if i know#i just feel like i can't get ahead#i used to be able to get all my shit done by friday and have the bulk of the weekend to myself#but that's not doable at all this term#i just had a whole ass mental breakdown over fucking homework#like i'm almost grateful T made it near impossible for me to cry bc like#i was going to have a whole sobbing crying breakdown and at least i only had to feel the mental and physical anguish of it instead#it's 3am and i just made coffee so i can do the rest of my work#luckily the last two are super little in comparison but#i can't keep doing 30 pages of notes with 10 pages of homework and a 40 question 'quiz' for math#on top of making like 7 excel spreadsheets a week#not including the 50 page readings for management plus the 50 questions that follow and the writing assignments#i'm so glad my ids class is easy. dr s is my personal jesus christ for being so gentle with her students#idk i'm just... really not doin well rn#at all#idk if anyone read this far in#if you did ily and appreciate you
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crippling anxiety hours let's go
#a biscuit's rambles#theres a presentation due tomorrow we did Not prepare#and my partner is super anxious and the type to Need Perfect Grades#and she had a question and tried to call me several times and i saw too late and texted i was here now but then stupid whatsapp didnt tell#me when she called again so now i feel horrible#and honestly this presentation can go fuck itself i literally could not care less#im trying to do at least the tiniest minimum of Something for my friend but gosh. i do Not want to#just can't bloody get myself to do anything#doesn't help that i Know shell handle it because. she cant not without getting Way Too Stressed Out#i dont wanna leave her hanging with all the work like that but gosh im so tired#i just. cant. idk#on the bright side i did listen to a couple more tma episodes so thats something i suppose that was fun#........... i really need to do less stuff#i dont have a single free weekend for all of april and the beginning of may#goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while
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guys my stomach hurts and I miss my (ex?) boyfriend (?)
#GAH prom is this weekend and we’re not super clear on where we stand ?#and also I do not have enough time to see my therapist and heal enough to feel normal again#AGHHH!!!!#and I keep having dreams about him -_-#I want things to be lovely and fun and normal and beautiful and romantic again I don’t like being stressed :(#ughhhh I miss him I guess
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#[ hurt my left ring finger really badly at volleyball practice yesterday LOL ]#[ am i a real middle blocker yet ??? ]#[ definitely gonna interfere with my writing t-t and also i'm busy this weekend ]#[ we're having guests over ]#[ THEY'RE ALL COOL PEOPLE ]#[ i don't know why i'm stressing out xD i cleaned the whole house ]#[ toby can you relax ]#[ anyways! hope you're all doing good and thank you so much for your patience! ]#[ i'm super far behind on everything t-t ]#toby post. ╱ out of character.
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Little Nephew (Linus) last night on the way home from a barbecue with friends: Today, none of us died. Unqualified success!
Linus just now, getting changed for a swim, seemingly to himself: Just put this on... and I'm ready to swim. The question is, for whom I'm narrating this.
#life with airy#he's been quotable this weekend#he's also SUPER MAD with me because a dove flew into our house and was fluttering around and threatening to fly into the ceiling fan#and I caught it in a towel and took it to the door to release it#and it was flapping like crazy as wild birds tend to do when you have caught them in a towel and are trying to hold them securely#without crushing their little bird bodies#and he feels that I subjected it to unnecessary stress#well sorry I tried to get it out of the house because your little sisters were squealing with glee at the disruption#and your grandmother was wild with fear lest it shit on her pelmets#and your grandfather was helpfully pointing out that our curtains technically don't have pelmets#and quite frankly it did not seem like a safe environment#left to myself I would have liked to just open the doors and windows and be quiet for a while and see if it found its way out#I didn't have that option!
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lol i got decisions back from all four of my grad school apps and none of them were acceptances. i got waitlisted by one and outright denied by the other three. fuck man
#she bork#idk i have mixed feelings bc on one hand after moving once already this year i'm not super keen on moving again like four months from now#and across state lines to boot. i've never REALLY moved like w furniture and i have exponentially more shit to move now than i did as a#freshly graduated teenager and it turned out to be so much more stressful and work intensive than i anticipated. trying to move in one#weekend fucking sucked. on the other hand i do still want to go to grad school and i would never forgive myself if i let one (very small)#failed round of apps derail my plan to get my masters. idk it just sucks bc now it's like on hold bc i clearly need to beef up and#strengthen my portfolio but i hardly ever write anymore bc like who the fuck has the time. so i actually have to get disciplined w writing#more as well as sending out submissions so i can get more publications under my belt. so it's not like i'll automatically just reapply to#more schools next year bc i'm not wasting hundreds of dollars on apps when clearly i need to do some work on my#portfolio. idk it just sucks bc now idk what to do not only if i don't get in but even if i do bc again moving sucks and unless i majorly#downsize before moving again it's gonna be terrible. idk i feel like shit man
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..
#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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ahhhhhh
tooth hurty
#i have a toothache and I am deathly terrified that it’s something that’s gonna warrant a root canal#i am fucking terrified of dental stuff and I haven’t been in a while so even though I take good care of my teeth I am. very spooked.#it might just be because I’m anxious and am clenching my jaw! it might! but now I can’t think about anything else.#it has been a very stressful week and my family is coming up tomorrow so if I do need to get it looked at I would really rather not have it#- done this weekend but. ah.#like. it’s such a small thing to be worried about but I’m worried that if it is something like… the dentist will say it’s my fault. which#- is so stupid to be worried about!#forgive me but I needed to talk about it somewhere cause I’m super anxious about it atm#vent
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just me life updating about moving and other ramblings in the tags lmao
#self obs#not snz#this shit is so stressful what the fuck?????#i also have a million projects due on sunday that i’ve barely started so saturday i move sunday i library#i am so happy to get out of my current living situation cause the people i live with couldn’t give two shits about me#it’s giving my childhood lmao🧍♀️#also i got diagnosed with pcos this week and am going to be starting meds for it next week so if anyone has any suggestions lmk#i heard back about my research and i got accepted so im super excited about that!!!!!#anyways my life is all over the place right now but hopefully after this weekend i’ll be on the up?#all my finals are in the next two weeks so i’m just so stressed#i can’t wait to eat a real meal i’ve been living off of energy drinks this week like 800mg of caffeine plus my adderall#yeah my doctor is very concerned about my heart but like fuck it we ball#anyways i’m stressed so i took a few shots lmao i hope you all are well#hopefully i’ll be more active and posting snz stuff soon#TELL ME WHY I FORGOT ABOUT MY OCS lmao i’ll write for them soon i promise#ok goodnight i need to pack more
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going to be spending the day with my mom for the first time in a long while. she wants to get me new shoes and is bringing over a whole box of stuff from Costco that she got me and my husband.
even though I'm on the cusp of 30, she still likes to be a mom, and I'm forever grateful for it. might not have any of the rest of my family after I was disowned but I've got my mom and my little brother and that's all I could ever ask for
#[static]#i didnt tell her about how stressful last week was but she called at random this weekend to talk about my brother with me#and then she mentioned she was going to costco and wanted to pick me up some stuff which ... she's learned at this point to not ask#because i Will say 'no' or 'dont worry about it' or 'im fine!' and as she was telling me for the tenth time ... it's something that brings#- her joy. to provide things for her kids when she's able to so that they can breathe a little easier knowing there's food in the pantry#and she's been begging me to let her buy me shoes for like ... 2 years but i keep saying no fkjghd i definitely need them but -#- help makes me want to crawl into my skin and die#but my combat boots are toast and theyve definitely Not been helping my knee situation#like our relationship was super complicated during the first couple of decades of my life but we've been working it out now as adults#anyways i think it'll be a fun day! she wants to stop by a local farm to look around and we always have fun just hanging out
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h
#ive been finally trying meds for my adhd and i think current one is working but#if im not super productive every day i feel bad#bc this is supposed to help#but idk what's a reasonable amount of productivity when it's finals and ive been rawdogging life up to this point#are the meds actually helping or am i just experiencing adhd stress response. who knows!!!#are they not working or am i burned out!! who knows!!!!!!!!!#i did just finish being extremely fucking stressed and working all day every day to stay caught up#so maybe i deserved to do fuck all this last weekend#but it feelsbad#idk im doing so much different from usual i cant tell if thats bc of the meds or if it wouldve gone like this anyway#man.#i feel like it's making me change plans unexpectedly more and it's fucking me up#or mahbe im just doing that#idk. ill see how i am after finals#there's too much to do and im way too small i wish i could just nap and read and play games for a bit#but my ps3 is still dead and i cant replace it until june or later probably#i have other games but i wanna play tales#and finish the sotc playthrough i was in the middle of#also i still have finals#;-;
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simultaneously Holding It Together and feeling overwhelmed by everything all the time
#i saw a friend this weekend and it helped me feel Less Alone but#coming home to an empty apartment every day is definitely taking its toll on me during this time#i'm keeping myself busy (too busy and too anxious and too stressed) with work but#i'm still overthinking everything and there are times where i get randomly sad#there are times where i'm happy too...so it's not like i'm miserable#i'm having a hard time being in groups or being super rowdy and going out like i used to with my friends#i want peace and quiet but i don't want to be totally alone#i'm just tired i guess#personal
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so this very frustrating PetSmart tetra experience has been winding down because they are just friggin dying. yesterday morning we were down to 2 and last night that was down to 1 and frankly i was expecting the last survivor to go while i was at work. but.
i am going to try.... VERY hard for the next 12 hours...... to not get optimistic.... unfortunately I'm a romantic and i am rooting for this guy.
#convinced it was a bad shipment#the ammonia and nitrites have tested perfectly this whole time so it's not that#and every one that died was breathing rapidly and lost the red color right before they croaked#which i thought could be attributed to the quarantine meds which change water viscosity but it SHOULD be super-#-oxygenated with a sponge filter on one side air stone on the other and a nice circling current#so now this guy is breathing normally. colors bright. was at least CURIOUS about food even though it didn't wanna eat#trying not to give it too much attention since it's gotta be uber stressed being all alone#we're not gonna be around this weekend so i don't wanna risk moving my established tetras over if i can't observe#man i really really should not get my hopes up over a 3 dollar fish but cmon little dude you can do it#m2a#fish tag#fishblr#animal death
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my small brain can’t even begin to comprehend how British university works. Anyway, do you live quite far from your university?
not really? like 'far' for us would be anything over 4 hours id say, and my uni is only ~2 hours by train and is really well connected which is great bc i just come and go from uni to my hometown as and when i want. generally though the uk has pretty good infrastructure/public transport so even people that do go to far away unis usually travel back and forth by train or car bc it's never gonna be more than like. 8 hours. like it's a very common thing to do
#like the idea of not being able to come home is VERY weird to me and was probably my sister's biggest issue when she lived abroad for a year#bc just the knowledge that - even if nothing is wrong - you CANT just pop home for the weekend to literally just see your mum and chill#is super stressful and weird for us#ask
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