#the whole internet of it is what caused a huge block in the writing of my paper for months

[cyeayt]

Hhhhg I did a mistake

[system-of-a-feather]

Before I go to the gym I did want to ramble a bit on this since I usually talk about it in a very "haha ego" tone, but honestly, having very intense and strong violent fantasies and urges and a trauma-centered/functioned thirst, joy, and high in violence in a world where that isn't good or okay and there are Laws because it is a Society honestly is really annoying and sucks.

Like its easy to paint those as "owo evil psychopath" and its easy (I guess) with the radical valid uwu-ness fo the internet to write that off "uwu poor violent meow wow" but imo neither of them really are right.

Cause I'm not so stuck in my trauma that I don't realize that the world I was made for is an outlier and not representative of what it really is; and I'm not so stuck that I don't realize that following that trauma-driven need and high is only going to get me in places that my trauma would have wanted me to be in. I'm not gonna do it because I know that is "what my trauma would have wanted" and because its not going to help me; but I'm also not this innocent bun for having this either nor am I bluffing how intensely I want to go run off on them sometimes.

It sucks that something I have formed such an intense joy and positive emotional relationship to - something that brings me such fun an excitement from my childhood - is something that is both illegal, self destructive and forbidden. It's not needed anymore so the very thing I was formed to do and favorite joy in life is Not Allowed Anymore because it would be harmful to our life.

Violence, life-death crisis, and coming out on top of all of those is a childhood high of mine - arguably the majority of what I as a part remember growing up with. It's a huge part of my identity and an original large part of what brought me joy "in my childhood" and to be a functioning human out of a trauma environment and to do the best by my system and myself I've had to agree to swear off and leave all the plans I had growing up as "fantasies and ideation" and while I am MORE than willing and glad to sign up on it - that doesn't remove how much it sucks to throw a lot of the shit that brought you joy and excitement growing up and stuff that has become such a large part of your identity and life aside and start from scratch.

I'm already throwing away like 20 years of identity shaping life experiences aside to learn to live a better life for myself and my parts. I'm already exhibiting such restraint and mature growth and honestly thats why its a large reason about why I am so loudly honest about those fantasies and feelings.

If I am not allowed to act on it and I have to forfeit what was my childhood happiness and joy - then the very least I should be allowed to do is be honest and free to talk about them.

If anyone wants to tell me that I can't say that shit or I have to hide it or whatever, they are officially asking too much from me and I think they're overstepping boundaries because I am ALREADY doing a lot to be an acceptable human being and to recover. If someone wants me to still do that and hide and pretend to be better than I am, then I often just feel like I should jsut throw out ALL that Ive been giving up and just go have fun cause people will keep asking for more than I naturally can provide. Of course, even when I feel like that, I still can't and won't cause I owe it to my system more than I owe it to myself and more than I find myself annoyed and pissed with the boundary being crossed - and instead I tend to just block and remove said person from my life but ya know.

Like yes I am intensely loud about this and it might look like Im overplaying it because no one who actually thinks and has those would be so loud and obvious about it - but thats the whole point. I'm saying it to cope with the fact I won't do it. It's an alternative.

But anyways, I digress.

Evil Alter Rights matter too, man. Evil Alter Rights matter too. /mostly joking

-XIV

[old-stoneface]

saw ur tags, what was growing up in a spiritual school like?

hmmm... it was like a hybrid of things. i describe it as "spiritual" bc its maybe the easiest shorthand for what it was like. so, i went to a private waldorf school on the east coast from preschool through fourth grade, and thats a school heavily focused on enriching children's lives thru art and music and religious teachings, but not really...any religious teachings in particular. i learned christian stories, norse and greek mythology, and there was a heavy focus on learning folktales/fairytales in early grades. we would celebrate springtime with maypole dances, and every september we would have a michaelmas festival with a play by several of the classes (there was one class per grade) showing how st michael tamed the dragon that attacked the village. in the winter months we would do a lantern walk and see a small reenactment of st martin giving his cloak to a vagrant. so my younger formative years were surrounded by depictions of various religions. as u can imagine, that sort of environment was populated by a certain type of person, which is the type of person my mother turned into. there was a lot of support for crystal healing, a lot of eurythmy classes (a form of interpretive dance is the best description, i think), every class did a play every year and we all memorized poems about the rocks and leaves and sun and sky and how they were all alive and caring for us...we drew form drawings. instead of regular classes we would study one subject for a month at a time for several hours in the morning, drawing full color illustrations and writing stories on nice pieces of paper and binding them into books at the end of each block of studies. i grew up with a huge respect for nature and a great tonal and cultural disconnect from public school. waldorf instilled in me my love of art and music and theater. my biggest special interest is STILL mythology, and i reguarly think about/reference the teachings from my elementary school years even now. however, for as much as i loved it, i also feel very...um. isolated from mainstream society. i didnt watch any tv at all, i wasnt allowed on the internet or any computer for years, i only played with other kids at waldorf, and so now i have very little cultural connection with many other people my age. its weird! but waldorf very much helped me become the kind of person i am now, and while im disillusioned from most of those teachings about pseudosciences, i still believe in stuff like the instrinsic beauty of nature and the healing properties of the arts. the worst part of private arts and spiritual-type schools is always going to be the fact that you have to pay a whole lot of fucking money to go there.

tldr; the spiritual school i went to from the ages of 4 to 11 turned me into an artist who loves mythology and nature and poetry, but it also isolated me from mainstream society and caused a lot of pain and confusion when i began going to public school. 7/10

[collinnmckinley]

I have blocked so many people in the 141 character tags. So over the disturbingly aggressive daddy kink and general OOC nonsense. Even with fics that are well-written and not as...gross, I still find myself really not liking the characterization or content. Makes me feel like we're not all playing the same game lol.

this is why i don't go into the tags anymore, and i certainly keep my dash clean by not following this type of heathens.

i am sure that, like, 90% of the fanfics written for cod characters on tumblr are all ooc, and i am with you on that point where even if it's not gross its all pretty ooc. and you said it yourself, its as if we didn't play the same game. such a turn off for me when they make price say something what basically an american man would say, price would never say cause he's fuckin british, like did we witness the same price? if im being honest most of the time idk how his mind works when he talks cause he is a sophisticated character when it comes to speaking... you cant just make him say something an american man would say. it's not only price btw, its with gaz and soap, especially soap.

i always wondered, how is it so hard to grasp a character's personality? like they played the game themself, and they've seen how its played out, so why would they twist and turn the character like that so you can fit the narrative you have in your mind? if anything they should twist their narrative to fit these characters in the writing! and if it's hard to grasp their personality, google is there to help, cod wiki is there to help, the gameplay for the original games are on youtube to help, literally you have the whole internet in your grasps to do research, makes no sense tbh.

sorry for the long one lol, but you're so right to think that way. and for me making a character super ooc like that is a huge pet peeve of mine and a massive turn off.

[cryptfile]

Hii!! Can I request frenchie from the boys x f! reader, maybe she's patching him up after a long day? <33

yes,,, thank you for this from the bottom of my heart, might went above with what you actually asked, but whatever, i’m living my best and just rolling with it.

⟢ mountains at midnight, [ frenchie x f!reader ]

summary — After a failed relationship, Serge knocks on your door half baked / half bleeding-to-fucking-death.

warnings — angst, some smooches, it's implied that reader is in her twenty-somethings, filthy mouth, frenchie is in loOOoOve here, some fighting, fluff in the end, usual the boys content aka violence, blood, drugs, mentions of murder, infinite sadness, if you’re a medic you might hate me, little nina is a warning herself.

side notes — hi lovely people on the internet! first things first: i've recasted frenchie to dev patel cause fuck zionists, also loved writing for frenchie, been writing about gen v on wattpad but this? a whole different level. word's on the street my ass latin, so you know now english is not my first language and if there's any mistakes is my own fault being just a girlie out here,, comments, reblogs and likes are appreciated and very much loved! thank you guys so much for the support.

It’s way too late when you hear the knocks on your door.

You’re not used to receive visitors in the middle of the night. Your friends know you hate people to show up uninvited so it’s almost a non-spoken arrangement: You sell the weed to afford med school and they keep you out of trouble.

So you can’t stop yourself from thinking the absolute worst when you hear the noise in your front door, already cursing cause you don't have these expensive cameras that allows you to watch who's outside: What if the police knows you’re selling weed? Worse. What if Vought discovered all about your nice ability of astral projection? Just the thought of it makes you grab the bat, trying to find something to defend yourself with as if it’s going to work against someone as powerful as Homelander.

When you open the door, it’s something similar to seeing a ghost.

Cause that's what Frenchie is to you. A fever dream you must experience after being so tired, after exhausting yourself with the damn residency. You've been doing turns lately in the hospital and you are drained all the fucking time, too many hours standing and trying not to fuck it up it’s now passing you the check.

But when he talks. Jesus fucking Christ, when he talks, you just know it's him in the flesh, stopping the world for a minute — "Bonne nuit," he says all normal like you understand more than just the basics of French. "Long time no see, mon ami."

How does he still remembers your address? How did he managed to get to your apartment when you explicitly said you don't want him anywhere near you? Your heart skips a beat when you're realizing the blood covering his shirt, the dirt on his skin, the bruise forming in his eye: he's injured.

It makes sense soon after, why he's there outside your place, surpassing the locks that protected the building and are supposed to keep people like him out yet, failed miserably. You let out a scoff, taking mental notes of talking about security to the building manager tomorrow.

"You need to go to a hospital, there's also a vet clinic a couple’ blocks away, both do the work" It's tempting. The thought of closing the door in his face after he was a complete asshole with you last time you saw him, but you cannot bring yourself to be cruel, to leave him standing while he seeks for somebody to stitch him up. — "Told you not to come here, Frenchie."

He's different now. He has now cut his hair in a different way, split lip while he pouts like he has loose a huge fight. He looks better, more composed even, but you don't let it slip while you look at him, debating if he won the fight he was involved in or if he just managed to escape, as usual, always in danger.

"Please," he says placing his hand in the door frame like he just read your mind, preventing you from closing the door. "Need your help, mon docteur."

When he looses balance you know shit's for real, quickly grabbing him by the waist as you take one of his hands to place it in your shoulder. He smells like blood, sweat, and weed, and it takes a minute for you to get used to it, being so intense at first when you hold him close to you that it stays with you even when you help him lay in the couch, already knowing it's going to be stained forever.

Fuck's sake. It's not physically possible to say no to him.

You hate him from the moment he's inside. Hate how he has you now all stressed looking for everything you need to prevent him from bleeding out on your couch, still trying to understand if you're worried about his well being or if it's actually about the fact that he could die in your apartment with good grams of weed well hidden, leading you to arrest under micro-trafficking and possible murder charges.

And when you see the large cut on his stomach, you know exactly why you guys didn't work out in the first place, why his way of living was so different than yours trying to keep a low profile, not used to get in trouble with superheroes, usually surviving. You hold your breath in as you notice the situation, his body bruised, blood spread all over like it was a medal.

“The person who did this didn’t do any harm to your organs” you say inspecting, lucky bastard. “But you're gonna’ need stitches.”

"See? I’m gonna' be fine, docteur" he says almost trying to keep you steady while you took the new-moon-shaped needle, that damn nickname you hate with all your guts. You know he would not come if it wasn't absolutely necessary, his gaze following you like he cannot possibly believe he's talking to you again after all that time promising not to. "Not planning to die on your settee."

"You're high" it's not a question but more of a statement. "So please, shut up if you are really not planning to die tonight."

You’re struck by his accent, the way he combined the words so easily while you worked on stitching his skin, finally stopping the bleeding as you can breathe in peace. Med school has been awful, but at least you can do decent stitches even under the dim lights of the lamps, looking at your work almost proud moments after.

Handled him like a fucking pro.

You seem to forget about the contact, being trained to be a doctor has hit deep down now that you can keep professional at all times, but for Frenchie, even after being pretty much stabbed, he managed to fill his mind with memories of you while your cold fingertips close the cut, to think, once again, that he does not deserve you at all, your meeting being a mistake he wouldn't do all over again.

He stills hallucinates about when he met you in your second year of university, selling weed in your campus parties making a pretty good list of clients for yourself. He remembers being so mad at you for stealing possible clientèle at the time, he was planning on beating your ass and scare you out until you didn't dare to sell at all. At least, that was the idea until he notices his potential nemesis. You.

He talked about the situation with Little Nina convincing her he could take care of the problem, but in reality, he chooses to make you his problem instead. You were just a twenty-something med student that stayed up late at night and sell plain weed in order to afford some stuff he knew you needed: How could he be aggressive with you?

He's almost whipped before even talking to you, after following you for a while without you even noticing, he's studying you like you're, indeed, the enemy. And when he finally talks to you in that stupid party, you finally seem to notice he's not there for a nice business, not when he's pulling you aside from all the noise.

You both are so different it's annoying, however, fits so good must be a curse.

You managed to work out the next couple of months, split the clients, the money, and there were no suspects until Nina found out and killed one of your classmates in response, leaving you surrounded by cops and detectives and a profuse sadness that never seemed to go away.

Frenchie is pretty sure you're one of the best thing he used to have in his life, utterly convinced that he must remain far from you after years of not talking to you, yet, he's unable to do it much longer. Maybe it's the weed, the fever and the pain all combined together, but when he noticed he was close to your place, he choose to seek for your help instead of turning to his teammates.

He's no good for you. Even after not being around Nina and changing completely. He's simply no good for you.

You work in silence, unsure of what to say at first. Your breathing is steady as you cover the wound with bandages, neck sore already after keeping the same position over the minutes without sleeping much all that week. Frenchie doesn't whine even when it hurts, making it easier to work with as you check other injuries.

When it comes to the split lip, you know it's going to be a thing.

"Thanks for patching me up," he says while you press the alcohol revealing a much smaller wound that you'd actually imagined, mouth's always bleed tons. "I'm just sorry for showing up so late, mon ami."

Inconsiderate. Your eyes dart the movements of his upper lip while he speaks, trying to clean the blood while it moves with no victory.

"Please talk to me princesse" he says soon after, crazy by your silence — “Please.”

Your eyes narrow in response, looking at him while inspecting his lip. “How did you manage to get so damn fucked up?” You wished you didn't ask, because you already know how he got it, how he was working now for a whole different group doing suicidal missions all the time, heard it from a close friend.

He stays silent for a while, and you cannot help but roll your eyes in response. You’re used to it, to the lack of information and the blatant lie he always used to tell just to reassure you, so instead, you continue cleaning his wounds with alcohol, pressing the gauze with less patience now that he regained the color of his skin. You’re simply not doing it anymore.

“Just stay still so we can do this fast enough” you say tired already, having to deal with him even just ten miserable minutes results in a classic headache.

Silence. You are dragged by the current into an awkward silence, inspecting the stitches and the bruises that now appeared in his skin. He’s warm to the touch in spite of the blood loss, and you cannot help but worry about his well-being deep in your mind, hating him for it: The guy disappears however he wants to, and now has the fucking nerve to show up like nothing ever happened? God.

It’s impossible to keep quiet for the next two minutes, specially when you notice he’s biting the inside of his cheek like he’s stopping himself from saying something stupid — “What?”

“Nothing,” he responds, avoiding your gaze. "I know you're mad at me, docteur."

"I'm pretty mad at you, you're right" you admit in a low voice, finally taking your utensils to the kitchen sink when you finish, cursing when you notice you got blood on your shirt. "That's why you're waiting an hour before leaving. Not involving in whatever is going on in your life right now.”

His pained expression makes you almost regret everything you say. He knew he deserved it, but it didn't stop him from being miserable when he hears you, the cold words lingering in the air as they repeated in his mind over and over again.

"Sober up. Leave after."

It's almost a command, and he hates the sound of it, far from the way he wanted you to command him in reality, the sound of your voice making him shiver. He hates every second of it, remembering why he kept far, giving you space to continue your life without him in the picture.

It stings on Frenchie’s chest, and you try to keep your pride high enough to not think about how much you actually missed him, how you're done with him after moving on at least twice since the last time you saw him, staring at the blood circling in the drain.

"I'm sorry, mon ami" he says when you pass close to him, grabbing the dirty towels as you search, in your mind, for ways to make miracles in that sofa, and you believe him for a second when he grabs you by the wrist, cause deep down you just want him to be sorry for all the shit he did, the lies, the danger.

You just started to sell weed again recently, and his sudden visit makes you so damn uncomfortable: You don't want to take anyone's clients, you learned that the hard way. "I'll never be able to make it up to you docteur, not even in a million years. Je ne voulais pas te faire de mal."

You don't fully get what he says, and you blame it on that fucking app that's been teaching you french all along, you don't even dare to look at him until you think you can handle his intense gaze, now burning in your cheek — "Created this huge mess just to leave me alone to the fucking wolves."

“And there will not be a day I won’t regret it.”

“You’re not going to be able to make it up to me even in a century, Serge.”

It happens all so sudden after, when he pulls you down slightly, enough to press the palm of your hand flat against his chest, the feeling of his heartbeat giving you straight up chills. It’s beating so fast you’re sure it’s abnormal, the expression of his face almost begging you to have patience with him, that he just needs you beyond explanation.

“Don’t call me like that,” he asks, and you’re just standing there, so fucking close, looking at him slightly blushed.

“Like what?”

“Like I don’t mean anything to you, coeur. Like we’re strangers.”

“I don’t know you, at all” you admit in a low voice, and it saddens you to say it out loud — “I don’t think I ever did.”

God. You don’t expect it, you don’t expect the visit, the way he enters to your life again through the main door, dissolving you completely. You don’t expect any of it, it catches you by surprise without giving you any time to even prepare yourself.

He somehow manages to make sit down close to him, composed now that the he’s not bleeding-to-death. And fuck, it takes a minute for you to adjust, to notice what you’re actually doing, the feeling of his hand holding your wrist making it impossible for you to leave, to even put some necessary distance, his breathing changing as you got closer.

“We’re not strangers, mon docteur, never would when my heart beat that fast for you. To me, you’re the most real thing in my life” he’s smiling, and you can’t help but look at him amazed of his way of always change everything around. “It’s visible you don’t want me here, but I cannot stop myself from coming every single time, tu me manques, coeur.”

“You miss me, huh?” you ask almost in disbelief.

“You are missing from me,” Frenchie corrects. He knows the world is a pretty fucked up place to be, but he just wants you to be okay, to avoid trouble and just live a regular happy life.

You are willing to reply, to say something about it, about the time you spend hating his ass and missing him at the same time, but you stay silent when you can feel his gaze following your every movement, when he’s the one that puts his free hand on your cheek, his touch being enough to warm up your face, staining your cheeks red.

It’s so intense. The lack of air, the way his eyes find yours in demand of something you already know.

“Please forgive me” Frenchie says, blatant sincerity. “I’m deeply sorry, mon docteur. I’m the worst thing you’ll ever met, and I cannot help but come back to you.”

His words echo in your brain, and you don’t know exactly when, but you lean into his touch, the palm of his hand warm against your cheek.

“Fuckin’ hate you.”

You don’t. You know you don’t hate him at all. It’s quite the opposite, and it weights on your chest as he smiles like he just got his life back in track again, like it’s everything it takes to make him really happy after all that shit he’s enduring day after day.

And you try put some distance between both of you seconds after, but your heart betrays you sooner than you expect and it’s all it takes for him to finally kiss you, a tender kiss at first that freezes you for an instant, his touch transforming in something else — Something your skin has already experienced before, a taste you’ve savoured long time ago. Makes you shiver when you realize how it feels not foreign at all but just natural, like something you already learnt but it’s kept in the depths of your mind.

He’s damanding when pressing his lips against you, and it clouds your mind for a second, a thick gaze that just makes you dumb at his touch. His hands on your hips are pulling you closer without even caring for his damn stitches, and it becomes intoxicating, the need to keep on kissing him, to have him close, you forget about Little Nina, the weed, and almost everything that surrounds you.

Heavy breathing you seemed to understand it all. Nose touching his as you get it. Maybe you do need to talk. Maybe it’s important to keep your guard down one last time. You cannot avoid him much longer, not when your own heart aches in need.

Serge’s like climbing a mountain at midnight: Just impossible.

[chippedaxe]

stepbro george smut 🤤 if u could do hard dom george with fem reader?

˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚

Title: 𝒮𝓉𝑒𝓅𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝑔𝑒𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑒

Warnings: NSFW! (Minors DNI), coarse language, sub reader, hard dom, stepcest, degrading, teasing, masturbation, slapping, voyeurism, (unedited)

Pronouns: she/her AFAB

Synopsis: You and George are left alone at home which causes you to become bored and restless, you then bother George with your boredom.

Word count: 1.6k

Note: I'll try to write this the best I can, I don't rlly know how to write hard dom george but I'll try! Thank you for the request <3

* Let me know if there are any warnings or any other things to change !!

Welcome 🧝🏽‍♀️ anon btw!

*My emojis updates since I took that photo so now the emoji looks different

˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚

Your eyes shifted to stare at your stepbrother George, you then quickly glanced away when he looked over at you. You heard him scoff a bit before he walked away, the heat rose to your cheeks and made you blush. You were sitting on the couch watching the TV and zoning out but stopped when you heard your parents at the door "We're leaving to stay at your aunts for the weekend! George is in charge of the house!" you had barely caught on to what they were saying as they had just suddenly left.

"George?" you called out to him just as your parents had left "yeah, what?" he came down the stairs "Why're our parents leaving?" you asked "didn't you listen to them? They're staying over with our aunt" George rolled his eyes at you "No yeah- I got that, but why?" you turned around on the couch so you two were now face to face "They left because you were annoying them too much" George snickered "Hey! That's mean- Why're they really leaving??" you got up from the couch.

George shrugged and started walking off "Don't be an asshole!" you crossed your arms and pouted "An asshole? Me? Never! I'm one of the kindest guys you'll ever meet, and I know you won't meet many but that's not the point" he teased you "HEY! What's that supposed to mean?" you followed him up the stairs "What? I'm just saying the truth!" George slipped into his bedroom and tried to get away from you, you groaned as he shut the door on you and went into your own room.

'George is an idiot, he keeps teasing me' you thought to yourself as you laid down on the bed, you tossed around in your sheets as you were becoming restless and bored. "I'm so BORED" you groaned out in boredom, your hands pulling at your face in agony "ughhhhh" you made random noises to try and satisfy your boredom "Hey- do you mind not being annoying?" George opened your door "I'm so bored though!" you exclaimed "Yeah well go and do something then, stop bothering me about it!" George went to slam your door but you stopped him "Why don't you hang out with me or something??" you suggested.

"Because you're just my dumb little sister" George walked off "C'mon! We can play a game or something!" you were desperately trying to satisfy your boredom "Why don't you just go on your phone like a normal person?" George left you alone once again. You slumped down onto the floor and held your head in your hands "Why's he always gotta be so difficult?" you huffed in annoyance, you take your phone out and decide to bother George over the internet.

You called him a bunch of times until he picked up "WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT??" he screamed into the phone "I'm bored! Why don't you just hang out with meeeee?" you asked "because then you'll just complain the whole time!" George hung up but you repeatedly kept calling him "I'm literally so close to blocking you!" George sighed "We could play one of your video games??" you smiled as you thought he might finally agree to do something with you "I am not gonna let you touch my shit, just go touch yourself or something, I don't fucking know" he hung up again.

You blushed at his suggestion 'Touch myself? I can't believe he suggested that! He's a gross pervert!' you thought to yourself but your hand was ironically already subtly making its way down between your legs. His suggestion couldn't hurt and it was an easy way to pass sometime and cure your boredom, you had to be quiet though, George's room was literally right next to yours and you'd be embarrassed to hell if he heard you.

You pulled down your pants so they were hanging around your thighs and then you proceeded to rub yourself down there, you moaned quietly but then had to quickly shut yourself up. You leaned over on the bed and positioned yourself so your face was buried in the blankets and your fingers were rubbing at your sore clit, you were huffing and puffing into the sheets.

Your fingers slipped inside and you let out a small gasp, you moved your other hand to cover your mouth. Your eyes closed as you felt yourself getting closer and closer to releasing, your orgasm already approaching hastily, you didn't know that anyone was there watching you until you heard a clear coughing noise "Having fun?" you blushed all over. You slowly moved your hands and looked up at George "h-hey.." you gulped nervously, you stupid girl- why didn't you lock the door?!

"That looked fun, why'd you stop?" He crossed his arms over and looked down at you "B- Because you're watching me.." you whispered "If you didn't want my attention then you should've been more quiet. Fucking yourself right next to my bedroom? Naughty girl" George smirked "I- I-.." You tried to speak up but he didn't let you "Keep going" He ordered you. You meekly listened and started to touch yourself again "There's no use in hiding your voice, our parents are gone and I'm already here" George told you.

You let out a choked moan, you glanced away from George as his eyes were on you "Didn't know my sister was such a whore.. Getting off because I told you to, aren't you?" George teased, you nodded shyly "I knew it. Are you thinking about me while you do it?" He leaned in closer to breath hot hair onto your ear. You shiver from his warm breath "m- maybe.." you answer him "maybe isn't good enough, doll" George crawls on top of you and pins you to the bed.

You pull your hand away from your crotch and you try to back up a bit "Are you tryna run away? Just let me know now if you want me to leave" George gave you a way to back out but you rejected it "Fine with me, c'mere.." He leaned in and kissed your lips. You kissed him back gently, you were still half stunned that your stepbrother was here doing this to you. You pulled away quickly "G-George! You're my stepbrother!" you exclaimed "Yeah, you just realize that now?" George laughed and pulled you back in again.

"Come on, don't use me like this, you don't even like me!" you pushed him away "Who says I don't like you? I might tease you and you might annoy me but that's just regular sibling things, right?" George had a point "Is that all you think of me? Your sister?" he shakes his head "During the day I do, but at night-" He didn't finish his sentence as he captured your lips in another kiss.

You closed your eyes and kissed him back, your hands running through his hair as you two kiss. George pulled away for a bit of air and then started to roughly kiss at your neck "fuck.." you gasped "D- don't leave any marks!" you warned him "And if I do? Just put some makeup on" George bit down on your neck "ah!" you moaned from his little actions.

"Did you stretch yourself earlier?" George started to unbuckle his belt, you nodded and opened your legs to show your aching hole "You're such a slutty sister.." George bit his lip as he zipped down his pants and positioned himself at your entrance, he slowly slid in and you let out a loud groan "ahhhhh fuckkkkk.." you threw your head back.

He grunted as he started to thrust inside of you, his cock felt huge inside of you, the tip of his dick was hitting every part inside of you and it felt amazing! You held onto his arms and dug your nails into his shoulders "S-shit!" you swallowed down another moan "Damn, you gonna cum already?" George teased you. He started to buck his hips even faster, his free hand was bruising your hip while the other one was clamped around your neck and holding your head up to look at him.

"Cum for me, cum for your fucking stepbrother" he slapped you across the face which left a tingle on your skin. You came just after he had slapped you, your pussy clenched around him and he groaned loudly "oh fuck-" he didn't mean to but he ended up cumming inside of you after you had an orgasm. You laid down on the bed and tried to catch your breath, George sighed and left the room to grab a washcloth.

He started to clean your insides, his hand sliding inside of you just to clean the cum out "Ow!" you winced "Sorry Y/n.." he whispered "What're you being so nice to me now for?" you asked "I'm your brother, I can still be nice and an annoying dickhead" he smiled up at you. "What'd you slap me for by the way? Now my cheek hurts.." you whined "to knock some sense into you" George joked around "asshole."

[shitsngiggles666]

Hi @eileen-crys I know you blocked me. But it came to my attention you’ve been talking shit (get it?) about me. I seen a screenshot from your blog that I feel is a bit unfair and almost resentful towards me. Listen, I think you have every right to say what you want about me. Call me names, talk behind my back, hate me all you want. But I want to respond. I think even someone widely considered “a bad person” should at least try to defend themselves.

I don’t want to share a sob story, but I am more used to people being mean then kind to me. I don’t think anything you can say to me or call me would be new. I have been called stupid, ugly, annoying for pretty much my whole life. This includes everyone from school mates to members of my own family. Did this cause me pain? Yes, and it’s taken me time but I am used to it. I really don’t want to let people on the internet hurt my feelings. Here’s the thing tho, I genuinely considered you my friend and really enjoyed talking to you. I think your art is adorable. I think that’s why I feel so hurt tbh. We have drifted away, and that’s fine. If a friendship, even an online one ends over diffidence of opinion over the nature over the marriage of some old rich white dude then so be it. But I will not let you mock me on your blog without at responding. Keep that post up, I don’t care if you remove it or not but I think I can at least respond to it. This is my one request so I can get this off my chest

I never said that anecdote is false. I just think like so many online anecdotes it needs scrutiny, a source and cannot be taken as fact. I don’t just do this for Veronica, I do this for everything. The reason I was skeptical was I was always led to believe Veronica was still in school but working as a nanny and never got to teach. My religion is agnosticism and my overall philosophy is “question everything, don’t be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ what we want to be true isn’t always the truth, complete honesty and an avoidance of bias. I have, and probably always will ask questions. Not just about John Deacon, but anything I am curious about. It’s simply my nature, and the more unsure I am about something the more I question it. Yes, it’s annoying but also understand that I annoyed my parents, my teachers, my professors and even people at work.

I got hooked on Queen some years ago after watching a BBC documentary on Queen and becoming enamored. The movie greatly disappointed me and even some what angered me (honestly I think it’s one of the more homophobic films I’ve seen). So I turned to the internet to feed my hunger. John particularly fascinated me as I thought he was dead originally but wondered “where was he”? I even related to him a lot as I am quite shy and quiet irl. John also frustrated me as there was so much not known about him. Back in the day, I was a HUGE johnica stan. Surely if John and Veronica had so many kids they were very much in love, and the narrative of John living happily ever after was appealing to me. Plus his son seemed nice enough. Cameron was who lead me to tumblr, and who led me from my Johnnica fantasies. Cameron made me view John Deacon as not just a person, but also a flawed person. I learned more and more about him and I started to think maybe John and his family are different than how I imagined. I was really forced to start being honest about what I really knew about John. I wish I can elaborate more as I can’t describe it but something about the whole Cameron and the Camily incident made me see John more human? Like more complex, and more like an everyday person and less of this caricature obsessed with cheese and impregnating his wife? I don’t have anything against John. I don’t have anything against Veronica. I am not some villain from a Carebears cartoon who hates love. I just feel so much about John is from fan assumptions and imagination. Hear me out:

Something I want to make clear is I have nothing against writing fan fic or fan art or what ever about real life people. I believe strongly in freedom of expression and no one should dictate what art is acceptable and what isn’t. You got mad at me when I opposed you encouraging your followers to report a “fan fic” casting Veronica in a bad light. Is it because I have a personal vendetta against her? Or maybe I strongly believe that if one is allowed to fantasize about the marriage of two British boomers writing countless fics about them conceiving their real life children, then you have to tolerate (not accept, but tolerate) different views. I am sorry, but fair is fair. Is it because I hate Veronica? Or is it maybe because I don’t think she would like art depicting her sexuality but accept that authors have every right to express themselves, but can’t dictate what others create. I don’t like double standards. Not to mention, not one of us can say what she would think or feel about it all. Remember, she’s not some fictional character! This pisses you off but I still think my statement is true, but we don’t know her as a person. So much we “know” about her is fan speculation and projection. Am I saying she’s a bad person? No. Am I saying she’s mean? No. What I am saying is we have to be honest about what is fan creation. Just because you’re popular doesn’t mean your opinion is true and anyone who even expressed skepticism is both a bad person and hates Veronica or even thinks she’s a bad person.

I just think she’s an individual whom has had only a few paragraphs written about her. If she wants to keep her life private, that’s her right. Same for John. He famously hasn’t spoken to the public for decades and that’s fine! Maybe he and Veronica are the couple from “When I’m 64”. I love to think that! But maybe it’s different. And it’s not my business and there’s alone. So, that’s all I have for now. Since I have been interested in Queen my life has changed. New responsibilities, work changes, life changes the whole lot. I have less time to spend online and even less time to bother with silly internet drama. Am I hurt? Yes, I felt like someone punched me in the gut, and is never easy to see someone you once really liked and considered you a friend insult you. I’m upset. But I feel 1) This won’t matter ten years from now and 2) if someone who has always been sweet and kind suddenly turns nasty over a ship isn’t really your friend. I have seen people with opposing ships still me friends. I have some really wholesome memories from lurking on X-men forums involving fans being friends despite arguing over who should be smashing who. I never took shipping seriously and probably never will. John Deacon and his marriage is not very important to my day to day life. I remember feeling sick and distressed for days when I learned of his affair with Pushbar the lap dancer. But you know what? The sun still rose that morning, the birds still sang and I ice cream still tasted good. And I am sure you will continue to hate me and talk about me to other Queen fans but I will never leave the Queen fandom. I won’t let some middle school drama ruin something I really enjoy.

Accuse me of causing drama or being a bully or whatever but I tried to explain myself. I am willing to talk in private with anyone with questions, comments and concerns but understand I have a very busy work week with limited internet access and other stuff offline.

PS I am glad you correctly identified my avatar as an ocelot! Most people mistake ocelots for cheetahs or leopards.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Ya know, I truly hope Miss Renesmee Carlie Cullen fully dedicates herself to just....being as out there and iconic as possible

first things first- ANYTHING with the loch ness monster on it, she owns. Posters, shirts, jackets, shoes, folders, buttons, iron-ons, there is always at least 5 pieces of Nessie merch on her at all times

once she gets old enough to start high school, the cover story is her and Edward are siblings that Carlisle and Esme took in, and sometimes her classmates will ask her what her biological parents were like and she will flat out be like 'oh, they're vampires' and Edward and Bella are like. 5 feet away trying not to scream

every Halloween she'll show up to school in an elaborate Nosferatu costume

goes out of her way to photobomb people in increasingly ridiculous ways so there will Always be a photographic record of her and in like 100 years she can get a huge kick out of teens on the internet trying to make a conspiracy about her

joins as many school clubs as she can, even if she has no interest in them- she just Really wants a concrete record of herself to exist lmao

ICONIC at school theater though. One of those demon theater kids that come to rehearsal purely to cause chaos and nothing else, but her voice is incredible so she secures every lead. One time she somehow managed to star in a show while also playing in the school band for it- her classmates still have no idea how she pulled it off

Always brings blood out in public in a CLEAR THERMOS and it stresses her family out so much but everyone else thinks she's just like, weirdly into tomato juice so the Cullens can't stop her

to everyone's surprise...her biggest chaos enabler is Jasper lmao. everyone thought he'd be a logical, responsible uncle but they're just. A Problem together. He'll 100% assist her in any prank she wants to pull, he gets her fake id's when she wants to sneak into a club with friends, he bails her out of jail without telling her parents, they figured out if she gets high and he reads her feelings he'll get high too and it's. So fucking funny.

she's always carrying some random instrument around school- like for a while it's a guitar or a harmonica, fine, but then she'll start lugging a cello around, a tuba (she doesn't even play, she stole it off a guy who was annoying her) and it escalates until one day she's wheeling a piano around the building. no one's even sure how she got in in the doors of the school. She keeps running kids over in the hallway with it

You know the Catherine Tate Lauren Cooper skit with David Tennant? Where she's being a terrible student and then perfectly recites Shakespeare? 100% Nessie

when she starts getting dates Jacob keeps trying to wing man and be over supportive and give her a ton of girl advice and it's embarrassing as hell so one day when he was on a spiel about How To Woo A Lady she looks him in the eyes and goes 'oh really? did that work on my mom?' and the Cullens fucking LOSE IT. Jacob had to go live in the woods for a few days because he couldn't cope

Emmet and Jasper: arrive to school in their jeep. Rose and Alice: arrive in a convertible. Edward: arrives in his dumb volvo. Bella and Jake: arrive to school on motorcycles. Nessie: arrives to school on a unicycle while juggling

one year she ended up getting nominated for prom queen and Edward read the minds of the teachers tallying the votes so he knew she won and he and Bella were so excited!! they're like we're gonna take so many pictures of our baby looking like a princess! And then she emerges from her room, actually drenched in pigs blood. Like she just did it to herself and went to the dance and accepted her crown like that

she regularly commits crimes against fashion. If she comes out of her room and sees Alice contemplating turning herself over to the Volturi, she KNOWS she's picked a great look

somehow gets ahold of Aro's cell number and sends him selfies of her blatantly breaking vampire laws captioned 'whatcha gonna do'. he keeps blocking her but she keeps managing to get through to him somehow

she illegally sells soda out of her locker and does people's homework for cash, while also paying other people to do her homework for her. she organizes every single senior prank. she's never gotten a detention in her whole immortal life because every teacher just Adores her for some reason

had 100% used her powers for deserved evil before. Like, if someone's being a dick at school, she'll sneak into their room at night and give them nightmarea threatening them to be a better person lol

sometimes she'll show up at the hospital unannounced and ask Carlisle, in front of his coworkers, 'yo can I raid the blood bank?'

her bedroom looks like a library. every wall, floor to ceiling books.

she's been publishing trashy romance novels under a fake name for almost 40 years now and no one in her family knows

one birthday Jacob takes her on a trip to vegas and they get wasted, at some point they were laughing about how ridiculous their lives are and they're like 'wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if we had a baby'. they then black out, hangover style, and wake up like a week later with a payment on her card to a fertility clinic. Jacob's like 😱 and Ness is just like 'you get to be the one to explain this to my parents'

Their kid is absolutely hilarious, they were correct, and at some point they realized 'wait...drinks blood..doesn't sparkle...can shape shift...we've somehow created a classic pop culture vampire' lmao

Edward had to threaten them to get them to not name the kid Vladimir

Also to be clear: Nessie and Jacob have the EXACT same dynamic as Will and Grace. that's canon.

says its her goal to star in a live action all female production of mamma mia and Carlisle is like 'honey you know you can't do anything on broadway or in hollywood' and she's like, 'no, in real life. I'm gonna go to greece and attract a bunch of women with abba songs' and he's like,,,,,ah

she loves all music but she goes out of her way to Only play stuff she knows Edward hates lmao

one day she remembers she doesn't need to breathe and can see under water and just. books herself a ticket to scotland and Finds The Loch Ness Monster

she actually personally finds a lot of monsters and cryptids like her hybrid aura just attracts all kind of weird shit and she LOVES it. She stops writing trashy romance novels and starts writing autobiographies of her traveling and hanging out with paranormal beings and everyone just assumes its fiction so she becomes a best selling fantasy author lmao

100% she's very into witchy stuff and only like...half in a trendy way. She's like what if on top of everything I've got going on I can cast spells? Think I deserve that power

when she's a couple decades old she catches Edward looking grossed out one day and she asks him what's up and he's like 'I really dont need to hear what creepy teachers think about my daughter' and she's like. oh. Dad we are gonna get SO MANY pedophiles arrested shdndjdn she gets him to expose teachers and she baits them then calls the police. queen.

She finds out she can get tattoos but they fade completely out of her skin within 5 years so she's always getting crazy tats

posts selfies on social media of her just like. hanging out with mountain lions or chilling on top of the space needle. her classmates think they're all photoshopped obvi but it drives her family insane

imagine you're 15 and you're on a nice hike in the woods and you come across your one classmate half naked, sacrificing a bear in some ritual, blood dripping down her face, bigfoot chilling on the rocks behind her filming the ritual on her phone...like on one hand, what would you do, but on the other hand. you've known this girl for a bit and you aren't surprised at all

anyway. stan Nessie Cullen.

[milf-harrington]

This fandom needs a wake up call.

All of it’s issues could be summarized by looking at one specific super popular creator.

Dickpuncher.

Let’s look at what DP have openly done and never adressed or apologized for, shall we?

1. Posted sevral screencaps from Zukka fics om their Twitter, ridiculing them and openly bullying the writers for nothing more than writing some specific and somewhat odd kinks.

2. Constantly fetishzing trans people in their art and fics. I have sevral friends that have reached out to them, trying to explain how their portayal is hurtful, but they never respond. I am trans myself, and the way they only include trans Zuko in their works is in super sexualized situations and straight up porn is disgusting, especially considering they are not trans themselves, as far as I know.

3. The blatant suicide baiting and claiming all pro shippers should die/kill themselves. Look, I get fullheartedly disagreeing with a group of people like this, but suicide baiting is never okay, especially over fictional issues. This should be a HUGE red flag, and it scares me that nobody talks about this.

At this point, everyone who is actively supporting and interacting with Dickpuncher should be held accountable as much as DP themselves should. I could name more names, but we all know who is part of that gang and who is just polite and tries to stay away from drama.

I usually understand that, but it’s time to man up and take a stand here. This can’t go on.

If you wish to post this without the names, I understand, and you could screenshot this ask and block out the names. I understand being scared of them. I am, too.

okay, so im just gonna start this off by saying: i'm not scared of people on the internet. there's a block button for a reason, and also there's a whole screen and probably oceans between me and people i interact with online.

i know that dickpuncher is a well-known name in this fandom, and honestly a lot of the times where i've said 'popular creators' she's who i was thinking of, but i was trying to avoid directly pointing fingers.

i'm not scared to say that there's a problem, and i'm not scared to use her name when talking about these issues especially considering i also have trans friends who have expressed discomfort over her content, which was pretty eye opening bc i'd never really realised that that was kind of,, almost her only content?

however, i have mentioned before, that i want and prefer to stay away from drama (and this will probably cause drama) as it fucks with my mental health.

i'm going to post this ask because it's incredibly important, and i know a lot of trans people in this fandom agree and have similiar experiences.

but, in the future, if i get more asks like this, i will most likely either delete them, or post them without responses - not exactly out of fear, but out of respect for mental health.

these are important conversations, and these things do need to be said and shared, and i understand the desire to send me an anon over saying it yourself (especially as you've admitted to being scared to) however, i really hope you all understand that if this does blow up and turn into something unpleasant, i will step away if i'm unable to handle it.

and i will do it unapologetically.

ambre, if you happen to see this please just... take a second to really really evaluate your content and how you view trans people, and how you view people in general. and please refrain from attacking me or anyone else. i'm happy to have a conversation about it, and hopefully the things i've been talking about on my blog recently will be helpful for you.

and, as childish as this is going to sound: if it turns out you've got nothing nice to say, then please just don't say anything. scroll past. ignore me forever.

[imaginesmai]

Peter Parker - I’ll find my way to you(1)

Did I watch Far From Home and decided to write about it instead of doing responsable things? Of course. This will be a little different to what you’re used to do, becuase I’ll follow the movie and dialogues mostly, only that reader is the romantic interest instead of MJ. Hope you enjoy it, I’m really excited for this series!

If Tumblr fucks this fic up and doesn’t show the tags I’m suing them

Plot: Peter Parker couldn’t be more excited for the trip. It wasn’t only the best vacation he could dream of - I mean, Europe? Cool - but they also gave him the chance to spend more time with you, his new found crush that makes him stutter and blush. He should have known that something would get in the way.

-

Spider Man far from home featuring Peter Parker as a clueless, cute baby and reader, who is Bucky Barnes’ daughter and as badass as her father.

Warnings: far from home spoilers - but come on, you’ve seen it.

“I have a plan”

Peter all but fell on the chair, dropping his bag on the ground and making a few classmates look his way. He had just ran through the hallways, nearly colliding with a few people in his way. But if he wanted to talk to Ned before the class started, and the rest of the students came in, he had to be quick. Flash was talking about how the teacher had to grab some books from the library before starting the lesson, and he had took his chance; because lately, finding Ned alone was something weird.

Said boy looked at his friend with raised eyebrows, and put his notebook away. He had been making a list about the best ways to impress an European girl, something he didn’t want to forget. Ned was determinated to meet some pretty girl and impress them with his American accent; Peter had a hard time believing that, but he didn’t dare to break his hopes.

Before talking, he made sure there was no one around who could listen to their conversation.

“Okay, first. I’m gonna sit next to Y/N on the flight” Peter rushed his words out, and Ned hummed. “Second, I’m gonna buy a duple headphone adapter and watch movies with her, the whole time”

“Right” Ned nodded, his eyebrows furrowing as Peter kept talking.

“Three, when we go to Venice – Venice is super famous for making stuff out of glass, right?”

“True”

“So I’m gonna buy her a bright read star necklace, cause her favourite colour is red” Peter shrugged, moving his hands around. “And because of, well”

“It reminds her of her father, a worldwide recognised assassin but also the man who lives five blocks away from your apartment” Ned completed. “Didn’t he drive you to the last decathlon competition?”

“Yeah, her father” Peter nodded, not even blinking at Ned’s words. “Four. When we get to Paris, I’m gonna get her to the top of the Eiffel tower, give her the necklace, and then five, I’m gonna tell her how I feel. And then six hopefully she tells me… she feels the same way”

“Oh, don’t forget step seven” Ned crossed his arms in front of his chest, and Peter missed the sarcastic remark as he reached again for his notebook, where he had written down all the steps. “Don’t do any of that”

Brown, tired eyes met Ned, and the boy felt bad for about a second. It was obvious that Peter had been having a hard time in the last months; Tony’s death, the feeling of being on borrowed time because of the ‘blip’, and the pressure of being Spiderman in a world who needed superheroes more than ever. He could count with the fingers of one hand how many hours of good sleep he had gotten that week, and they were on Wednesday. Besides, he was also stressing with the stupid plan with the steps, and the final trip to Europe.

May had had the idea of writing down the steps. He had come to her – after Ned proved to be useless for it and Happy refused to talk about girls – when he had realized he had feelings for someone. Not just someone, but one of his new friends who shared with him more than just a friendship. Y/N Barnes, friend and work-colleague, talking about avengers. And of course, crush.

“Why” he sighed, not even asking. He thought of himself as a balloon that had just been poked with a sharp needle, and was slowly deflating.

“Because we’re gonna be bachelors in Europe, Peter!” Ned said, his voice too similar to a whine.

“Ned…”

“Look, I may not know much, but I do know this” he nodded at his friend to make sure he was still listening. “Europeans love Americans”

“Really?” Peter tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, knowing that probably Europeans didn’t really care about them. If he was European, he would sure not give a damn about America.

“And more than half of them are women!”

“Okay, sure. But… I really like Y/N” he gave him a tight smile. “She’s awesome. She’s super funny in a kind of a dark way. And sometimes I catch her looking at me and I feel like I’m – She’s coming – don’t say anything!”

Ned looked to his right, and indeed, another person walked in class. Betty waved from the door at you and you gave her a small smile, still not used to her and having so many teenage attention to yourself. Still, you made an effort and contributed to some of her conversations, although most of them were monologues. Again, that feeling that Ned had had about being wrong just moments ago came back when you looked at them and lighted up at the sight of Peter.

Not a lot of people noticed, but you were nothing like your father. The stereotype of a bad mean soldier died when someone talked with you for a few minutes. You were shy, liked puppies and colour pink, and even if your jokes sometimes crossed the line of personal baggage and were a little too dark, you were funny.

You clutched the big sketchbook to your chest and skipped towards your friends. Peter kicked Ned softly under the desk to avoid him saying anything about the plan, and Ned just chuckled awkwardly.

“Hi” you smiled at them, dimples on your cheeks that made Peter mess with the pen on the desk. “Excited about the trip?

“Hey. Uh, yeah” Peter tried not to make it too obvious that he was staring at you, so he looked at Ned. “We’re just – talking about the trip”

“Yeah, and Peter’s plan”

“You have a plan?” you raised your eyebrows, and Peter felt himself stopping breathing for a moment.

“I-I don’t… I d-don’t have plan”

“He’s just gonna collect tiny spoons while we’re traveling through all the countries”

The wink that he sent his friend wasn’t at all discreet, because to do so Ned moved all his face along with his left eye. Peter didn’t feel any better with the answer, if anything it made him feel a small pressure on his chest. He turned the pen around his fingers as he looked at you again, who thankfully, looked unsuspicious. In times like that he was grateful that you still hadn’t caught everything about the sarcasm and indirect intentions.

But even you, who spent more than half of your life locked in a cell and used as leverage for the winter soldier, knew that it was something weird to do. So you hummed and made a small grimace.

“Like a – like a grandmother?”

“I’m not collecting tiny spoons” he scoffed, pointing with the pen at Ned. “He’s collecting tiny spoons”

“Oh. Okay. Well… that was… a real rollercoaster”

Peter’s eyes drifted to your wrist as you moved your hands around, and his previous mood fell like a ton of bricks. He knew he should be thankful that you were allowed to come with them to Europe, since your father wasn’t welcomed in at least half of the countries. Thick, black bracelets fell on your wrist, a huge contrast to your delicate skin. They had a small red light that was always on, unless you broke one of the rules Thaddeus Ross had set.

He had been there when the secretary forbid you to leave the country, using words as ‘freak’ and ‘danger’. Between your father, Sam and a little bit of help of Pepper Potts, he had agreed as long as you carried the bracelets. Peter himself had threatened to go and talk to him too, rambling and speeding across the walls and ceilings as he traumatised May. But then, you had asked him to stay put, and he could never say no to you.

Peter bit his lip and tried to hide his discomfort at seeing your wrists. You had to endure enough from the rest of the classmates, and he would hate himself if you dropped that smile.

“By the way, my dad gave me some stuff for you” you changed the topic, digging into your backpack for something. A metal, clanking noise came from inside. “Told me you should have it since I’m not even allowed to cut an apple if I want to stay out of jail. In case something happen”

“What – don’t!”

Peter jumped out of his seat and pushed your hand back into the bag, careful of the sharp edges. He was too busy pushing the knives back into the bag to notice how your hands touched for more than one second, or to admire how your cheeks turned pink and you eyes went wide. You were so close that he could smell your vanilla scent, and you could see the wrinkles of his sweater’s neck.

The whole class seemed to disappear around as he finally noticed what he had done. Peter was always careful of not being too close to you, in case you could get overwhelmed – like in your first day of highschool – or feel uncomfortable. His own cheeks went red, and the tips of his ears started to burn. He pulled his hand out of your bag so quick that he got a scratch on his palm; not that he cared, as he jumped back to his seat and almost fell out of the chair.

“Did you bring knives to class?” Ned squealed out. A girl nearby had noticed, but she chose to turn away.

“Well, not knives” you tried to explain. “They are like – uh – daggers? Throwing daggers. Dad got them from internet, and some of them have dents so that when you stab someone –“

“Okay, class! I’m here!” the teacher cut your conversation, and a flow of students filled the class.

You quickly ran to your place at the back, besides another boy your age, and Peter tried to follow you as you moved. He could have sworn that you smiled when you passed his side, but he wanted it so bad to be true that he could have imagined it. Most of the times he thought you were looking at him in class, and when he looked at you, there was nothing to see. Sure, you liked to sit beside him at lunch time, and never turned down an awkward proposal for a “date” with Peter, although he was the only one calling them that, as nothing ever happened.

Still, he allowed himself a sweet second of happiness as he watched you greet your classmate and pull down your sketchbook.

“Dude” Ned chuckled behind him, and Peter stared with amused eyes. “I think that went really great”

-

“Yo, Parker”

Peter turned around and saw Flash calling him from the other side of the plane. He was sitting on the closest side of the window, but even from there he could see the boy’s smug smirk. So far, the whole ‘getting into the plane and not having any problem’ was going good. He had his headphone adapter on his right hand, and was preparing himself to tell Ned to change places with MJ and let him sit with you. The rest of the class seemed fine too, and he was enjoying the trip so far.

But of course not a lot of things in his life went right, and he felt his mood lower down a bit when Flash called him. He fidgeted with the adapter on his hands and nodded at him.

“This is called an airplane” Flash said, and to Peter utter mortification, you stopped right beside his seat to look at Flash. “It’s like the busses you’re used to, except they fly over the poor neighbours instead of driving through them”

“Madam?” a kind looking woman appeared beside Flash and looked at you, smiling. “He blipped, so technically he’s sixteen, not twenty one”

“I’ll take that”

“No – no she’s – s-she’s lying! I don’t even –“

Flash trailed behind the woman as he tried to take back the drink, giving you the nastiest look he could manage. Which wasn’t too big, as he was mostly embarrassed.

When you had first arrived to Midtown, two years ago after you father went to Wakanda and Tony – as a favour to Steve, who was like you uncle – let you stay with him and attend highschool, Flash thought you were pretty. He followed you everywhere you went, tried to win you over with the stupidest and most expensive details about his life and invited you to every party. Then, he noticed that you ignored him in favour of staying with Peter, who you had met in that airport fight. And from that moment, he liked to pretend he hadn’t liked you at all.

Once he was gone, you looked at Peter and gave him a small, shy smile. He smiled back, his face melting at the sight of you. He almost dropped the headphone adapter as he watched past by, if it wasn’t for Ned catching it in the last second.

“Classic of Y/N, right?” Brad Davis appeared out of thin air, following you into the airplane and making Peter drop his smile.

“Did you know Brad was coming?” he asked Ned once the boy was out; although he didn’t stop looking at him.

“It’s… so weird” Ned chuckled, looking at Brad too. “Like, one day he’s a little kid that cried and got nosebleeds all the time, and suddenly we blip back and he’s totally ripped and super nice. And all this girls are after him”

“Not all the girls are after him”

“No man, they’re all after him”

Peter felt a sudden weight on his chest that he couldn’t describe. Brad was helping you to put your handbag on the top part of the plane, apparently saying something funny; really funny, because you weren’t using that fake smile you put when you didn’t get what was funny or what people were talking about. The sound of your laugh usually made his stomach flutter, but that time it made him feel sick. He knew he was selfish for thinking that way – you were allowed to have friends, to be interested in someone, and to like Brad.

But he didn’t know all of that, it was just you laughing with Brad. He was so busy drowning in his own feelings that he missed how you looked at him once more before sitting beside MJ.

“Anyway” Ned went back to his bag, taking out his computer. “Onto more important things, it’s an nine hour flight. We play beast slayers the whole time”

“I need your help sitting next to Y/N” Peter blurted out, finally tearing his eyes away from Brad.

“Seriously?” Ned sighed. He left his computer on the desk and tried to look miserable to Peter, who was too busy already tearing his seatbelt away.

“Yes, seriously”

“What about our plan? American bachelors in Europe?”

“That’s your plan. That’s a solo plan. Come on, this is my plan” Peter tried to remember how May told him that he could get almost anything with those puppy eyes, so he put them on for Ned; who couldn’t be more unbothered by them. But Peter really, really wanted to sit with you. “Please”

Ned threw his head back and scoffed, leaving the computer back on the bag and tugging at his own seatbelt. Maybe the puppy eyes didn’t work with him, but Peter was glad to have such a good friend.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists​, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Tom Holland and Peter Parker Taglist

@delicately-important-trash​​

@lexxxistrips​​​​

@lexxxistrips​

@aikaterrina​​​​​​

@zalladane​​​​​

@gypsystuf​​​​​​ (since you didn’t answer me, I just put you on the general taglist. Let me know if you want to change!)

@nikkixostan​​​​​

@galaxystern08​​​

@justifymyfeelings​​​

@dummiesshort​

@marvelhoesworld​

@wild-rose-35​

[headcanonthings]

Zukka Hockey AU

(with a hint of Social Media AU bc why not?)

Sokka and Zuko meet in the later years of college due to mutual friends

Sokka is an engineering student with a full ride hockey scholarship; Zuko entered as a business major but by the end of his first term he realized he was doing that because it’s what was always expected of him, he then changes to a double Lit & Theater Major (he decides to minor in business so he can help Uncle with the shop)

Neither of them are really looking for a relationship with being so busy with school, sports and jobs but thanks to their mutual friends they start hanging out and become pretty good friends

After college Sokka gets recruited to the pros and quickly becomes a fan favorite; Zuko becomes a moderately successful screen actor

They don’t lose touch so much as they just don’t stay close, they’ll message each other every now and then but mostly through social media like congratulating through tweets or instagram

But then Aang and Katara finally set the date for their marriage and Sokka is Aang’s Best Man and Zuko is invited as one of their dear friends which leads the two of them reconnecting

Zuko’s been out as gay since college and has been vocal in his career about his sexuality and mental health; Sokka on the other hand, while comfortable with his bisexuality, hasn’t been as open due to the heteronormative culture of sports, plus he’s always leaned more towards women then men so he never feels like he’s really hiding anything (the important people like his family, Aang, and Suki all know)

But during the Kataang wedding the two realize how much they’ve really missed each other and something really clicks between them over the few days they spend together

Before heading back to Caldera Zuko decides to shoot his shot (after a prep talk from Mai and Ty Lee) Sokka hesitates which has Zuko going from some what suave to his usual awkward turtleduck self as he quickly tries to backpedal, Sokka immediately jumps in to calm him down saying he’d love to but he’s not out publicly and sports as a whole ain’t that open let alone hockey and Sokka knows Zuko’s been out and doesn’t want him to like go back in the closet or anything

Zuko says he understands, but he really likes Sokka and Sokka has mentioned a few times over the past couple days that his hockey career isn’t a forever thing and Zuko’s willing to keep it on the downlow if it means giving them a try; neither of them are that big of celebrity that’ll be hard, they just need to be careful

It actually goes really well; they have to deal with virtual dates at first with Zuko in Caldera and Sokka on a southern Earth Kingdom island where his Southern Water Tribe team is located

About two months in Zuko’s between acting projects and he’s been wanting to try his hand at writing (he’s had a few short stories published under a pseudonym) so he rents a place on the southern earth island

(it’s a complete accident on Zuko’s part but very intentional on Mai’s part that the place happens to be only a few blocks away from the hockey training arena)

Being so close makes everything easier; being together is so easy in a way neither of them expected; their close friendship in college means they already know a lot about each other like Sokka losing his mom and Yue and Zuko’s entire family situation

By the end of Zuko’s first month on the island Sokka’s pretty sure he’s gonna ask Zukos to marry him someday; by month four of the relationship they agree it’s time to start telling their friends and family

Their six month anniversary hits and Sokka being RomanticTM sets up this huge display at his house I’m talking roses everywhere and fairy lights strung up on his back patio with specially ordered food and drink from the most romantic restaurant in town and a lit candle on the table and soft music playing from a little BT speaker and Zuko almost cries because he is also a RomanticTM but no ones ever done anything like this for him before

And the night is wonderful and there is absolutely nothing wrong but Sokka can’t help but think about how he really wishes he could have taken Zuko out to the restaurant and maybe done some kind of activity before hand and he’s got some really cute selfies with Zuko that he wishes he could share with the world instead of just spamming the gAang group chat

A few days later he’s scrolling social media after practice and realizes that it’s National Coming Out Day and he sees all of these cute and inspiring messages and he wants so badly to be apart of that

Later while he’s laying in bed with Zuko he can’t get those posts out of his head and he’s looking at Zuko curled up into his side and thinks Fuck It

He tells Zuko what he wants to do cause he’s going to come out but if Zuko doesn’t want to be part of it he’s not going to make him but all Zuko does is ask if he’s sure and Sokka is so he snaps a quick pic of them curled up together gets Zuko’s approval of the pic and posts it with a little message (including a bi and pride flag emojis)

Zuko in solidarity makes his own post using one of the photos they took during their anniversary

Sokka gets a call first thing in the morning from his coach and the PR guy asking him to come in; Sokka’s a little worried he’s about to get sacked but reminds himself that he’s still fairly young and he’s been smart enough to get his masters online during the off seasons

To Sokka’s minor surprise everyone is pretty ok with it; the PR guy is a little annoyed they didn’t have a heads up to help cut off the a-holes on the internet but they’re like the only statement we’re gonna put out is one that says the team supports all sexualities but they don’t want to make a big big deal out of it if Sokka’s not comfortable with that

All of Sokka’s teammates flood his mentions with support messages and follow Zuko’s account as another sign of support

The GAang are also quick to share a lot of pics and messages supporting the couple; Katara is super happy to share some of the mushier and embarrassing texts Sokka’s sent her like a whole paragraph about how pretty Sokka thinks Zuko’s eyes are

Bonus:

Mai is Zuko’s best friend since childhood, she went to school for something like Poli Sci and somehow in the process of helping him move to Caldera she ended up moving to; she helped him with his theater classes like running lines and studying and actually picked up a lot of the behind he scenes info so before she knows it she’s helping Zuko get auditions and PR and when someone asks if she’s his manager she only hesitates for a second before saying yes; she asks a family friend to help write up a contact that Zuko barely looks over because he trusts her

Once the initial fervor calms down, Sokka agrees to do an interview but specifically requests a little known journalist (Korra? A different Krew member?) he picks them based off of Zuko’s recommendation, Zuko remembers how kind and easy it was to speak with them; when Sokka tells the interviewer that they nearly faint

 Sokka loves Twitter but Zuko is more of an Instagram guy

Sokka and Zuko eventually end up having two weddings, a small personal one that is mostly family and really close friends and then a much larger event type one where they invite Sokka’s full team and the many celeb friends Zuko’s made like other actors and directors

[psychxpxthy]

ive been inactive! related venting under the cut, general tws mental illness, bullying, that kinda

a good chunk of the inactivity is bc im going through some shit irl. nothing can really be done abt that, its just gonna take up a lot of my time until it doesnt. im More Or Less about as okay as i ever am, so its no cause for alarm, juuuuust time consuming and tiring

that being said, anothwr big chunk of my not being around stems from having really big issues with the way certain mental illnesses are treated online, lol. ive been online for-fuckin-ever, and the lasstttt... idk, 6-8 years or so? theres been this huge trend towards... i dont really know what to call it

i have severe ptsd. dx'd, medication, therapy, blah blah blah. stems from very serious abuse growing up.

it sucks! its not great.

but the thing is, certain people use the internet's newer tendency to be a little Too Sensitive to...

act like i owe them my life story. my trauma. my triggers.

in my rules, i mentioned that i have some esoteric triggers that i will not name, and that i may block blogs that deal with these things frequently for my own mental health. this is to say, "HELLO. I AM AN ADULT WHO IS HANDLING A SEVERE CASE OF PTSD DUE TO SEVERE TRAUMA. IF I BLOCK YOU, I AM LOOKING OUT FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH, THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT NECESSARILY DONE ANYTHING WRONG."

multiple people (like 4% of follow backs!!!), at this point, have read this and decided to approach me in private messages, telling me that Because They Do Not Know What My Triggers Are I Shouldn't Follow Their Blogs

for. fucks. sake.

heres the thing.

1. you are a stranger on the internet. i do not owe you the most horrendous events in my life in order to view your portrayal of a fictional character.

2. i do not owe ANYONE an explanation of those events. NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.

3. i literally... outlined my plan for dealing with unexpected triggers in my rules. ill unfollow or block or whatever as i need to. yall read "oh this person has triggers, better demand explanation" and not "oh this person has triggers and will handle them at their discretion"

4. jesus christ do you go up to strangers in a coffee shop and demand to know whether they need a trigger warning to view the graphic on your tshirt???? there are people navigating the world with PTSD LITERALLY ALL AROUND YOU. and very literally ANYTHING can become a trigger if the brain associates it with the abuse/traumatic events they went through.

5. im a fucking adult. in my 20s. im probably older than a good chunk of yall. im probably also younger than a good chunk of yall. but like. fuck dude kids that are abused have to grow up FASTER than the rest of yall. ive had to be an Adult since i was fucking 8 years old. and now, mid 20s, ive got a bunch of people coming up and trying to hold my fucking hand UNWANTED bc theyre WrItInG eDgY tHiNgS oNlInE. its INSULTING. hoooooly shit its insulting i KNOW HOW TO UNFOLLOW SOMEONE IF I NEED TO

6. ive had triggers used against me all my life. god. you might as well be asking me for a copy of my house key and a schedule for when im out of town, like... if i told you my trigger was thomas the fucking tank engine because my shitass abuser played it on loop on tv while beating the hell out of me do you know what happens????? SUDDENLY eeeeeeverything becomes a reference to goddamn thomas the tank engine. "haha oops i just associate it with you and forgot you dont like it. anyway in episode 4..." and i get fucking anons about it. and it spreads to some fucker or another who already decided they wanted to doxx me for some stupid fucking reason and now theyre getting their whole friend group to send shit in. and NOW i have a problem that i CANT filter without making a whole new internet presence lol????? vs just quietly unfollowing someone who ends up posting a shitton of thomas the fucking tank engine memes, where no one knows why i unfollowed or even IF i did.

7. my god. do you people not know that i can close my laptop and walk away from it. i can choose not to be online if a dash topic is setting me off. i can go touch grass for a while and spend time with my lovely partner and our idiot cats. i can play video games. god. i am a fucking adult who can manage my own life

8. god forbid the mentally ill have any privacy also ✨

im not made of paper!!!!!! i might as well be a goddamn nokia brand genetically modified cockroach-water bear hybrid i am literally never going to die and a few letters on the internet arent going to kill me PLEASE stop acting like i owe you my life story!!!!!

[sepublic]

Starkiller Base was unnecessary

           Re-watching The Force Awakens, and… It’s occurred to me that, even more than I initially thought, Starkiller Base is a genuinely useless, pointless part of the plot that’s just shoehorned in for the sake of arbitrarily raising the stakes, in a blind attempt to redo the Original Trilogy while one-upping it at the same time; Taking pot shots at the original Death Star’s ‘absurdity’ to try to make Starkiller Base’s destruction feel more ‘involved’ and ‘sensible’ with having an inside job to sabotage and blow up key components, yadda-yadda; Almost feels like the writers are punching down at the Original Trilogy in a vain attempt to look more clever and ‘self-aware’, without considering how reckless power-scaling doesn’t work (Which we see once more and somehow even worse in The Rise of Skywalker).

           The thing about why the Death Star works is like… It’s relevant. It has build-up. We’re introduced to it from the start, the entire story revolves around destroying it; R2-D2 is important because he has plans to the Death Star, Vader is seen chasing Leia because she had those plans. It all comes around to and circles back to the Death Star, we have a sense of what it is from the start, there’s build-up. You NEED the planet-killing machine for the climax of A New Hope, because the only reason to go there is because, surprise- The Death Star IS there, it just arrived right besides Yavin IV!

           But Starkiller Base… When you watch the movie, it just pops in out of nowhere, amidst the pre-established plot threads. Without any prior context or build-up, we’re just suddenly treated to a shot of this huge, mechanized planet, and then Hux almost casually drops that the ‘superweapon’ is ready, and then suddenly it’s firing and blows up the Hosnian System. The Death Star is justifiable because it’s the first of its kind, Starkiller Base is the third. In canon and Legends, there’s a lot of side-material going into the sheer enormity and horror of the Death Star, the amount of manpower it takes to construct such a thing, its formation is treated with gravitas; And yet something WAY bigger and more advanced comes out of nowhere, from a group even less powerful than the Empire?!

           Again, you need the Death Star, it’s why the rebels are being chased, it’s why Leia was captured, it’s why R2-D2 meets Luke and then Obi-Wan, bringing up the Rebel journey; It’s why Luke’s aunt and uncle die, it’s why there’s no Alderaan and instead the Death Star itself to capture the protagonists when they arrive there. But Starkiller Base is pointless- The plot is about BB-8 because he has the map to Luke Skywalker, it’s about finding Luke through BB-8. Starkiller Base is just so casually dropped for something that should be so much bigger than the Death Star in the narrative… And likewise, we don’t need it for anything.

           Is it to prove to Finn that the First Order is dangerous, that he can’t just ignore its destruction? The thing is, he already has Rey’s capture to motivate his participation. Starkiller Base could not fire, but Finn would still help the Resistance infiltrate, because Rey would still be captured. It’s not needed for Poe and the Resistance to arrive on Takodana, because they came for BB-8 after getting that message, the Hosnian Cataclysm totally unrelated. You could argue it gives the Resistance an excuse to fight back against the First Order in the film’s climax… But that does not justify creating another superweapon, much less one as implausible and redundant as Starkiller Base.

           Like, maybe the writers wanted to REALLY return to the status quo, so having the New Republic be devastated was a requirement… But was it really? Just have the New Republic continue to be ineffectual, it’s even a plot-point in side material that its military is embarrassingly small; So just say the Resistance IS the full extent of that military! You still get an underdog situation. And again, if you really want to forcibly cut off any support for the Resistance… You don’t need a giant superweapon to one-up the Death Star. Just have the First Order demonstrate its traditional military power, by having a fleet invade the New Republic’s capital, unexpected, able to waltz in because everyone is so incompetently lax about these rising fascists; And with recent real-life events, it only makes more disturbing sense.

          Instead of getting a pointless superweapon, have a bunch of Star Destroyers attack Hosnian Prime and take it over, show a montage of destruction and civilian death, etc. This still establishes the danger of the First Order and how it’s quickly decapitated the New Republic and left it in shambles, setting the stage for the underdog conflict; But you don’t have to rely on something as absurdly over-the-top as Starkiller Base, which has no build-up to its unprecedented firepower besides “Oh yeah this exists” and then watching it fire and finding out firsthand.

          The death of trillions with the Hosnian System is senseless violence both in-universe and from a narrative, writing perspective… And again, this arguably establishes the First Order as a threat better, because they don’t need to rely on a superweapon; And even after The Force Awakens ends, the audience still knows that they have access to an entire fleet… Whereas with Starkiller Base, that threat is lost by the end of the film and thus made redundant. The scene could become even more disturbing if we straight-up see some civilians on Hosnian Prime welcome the First Order, adding additional world building that helps explain why the First Order was able to develop, how it got support- And again, being topical to what happens today. It connects with canon lore about the First Order’s supporters in other worlds (such as Coruscant), and could even be a callback to liberty dying with thunderous applause in Revenge of the Sith! We could still have the people on Takodana react in horror, through the Holonet’s broadcasting of the coup.

           Of course, this is Star Wars- And what’s more iconic than thrilling space battles and trench runs? Sometimes you want sci-fi fun and stuff for the sake of it, nothing wrong with that, that’s always important too… But again, you don’t need a giant super-laser to have that. Just make up something else; Like Starkiller Base is the planet that the First Order has taken over. Perhaps they intend to launch a bunch of new Star Destroyers, or are about to finish production of a whole new batch, which would make things even worse. Instead of destroying a superweapon, you could have the Resistance crippling the factories that finish these Star Destroyers- There’s your trench run! Have them blow up a power plant that’s running the factories, instead of a thermal oscillator. There’s still a victory at the end, and while the threat is far from over, time has been bought- And it makes the First Order’s immediate retaliation in the next film more sensible, adds to the idea that every second, every bit of progress helps, you gotta take what you need… Even an extra day to prepare and evacuate is a miracle that furthers the underdog motif.

           Plus, with a batch of Star Destroyers that need to be stopped- There’s still the need to rescue Rey. The Resistance still needs to cause damage at the First Order’s base, and Finn is still needed to infiltrate and lower the shields, while taking advantage of this operation for himself and Rey. Most importantly, you don’t get a contrived superweapon that only adds to the bland, carbon-copy standard of the Sequel Trilogy; And perhaps best of all, we don’t have to see Ilum retroactively bastardized and destroyed, with Starkiller Base’s identity revealed AFTER we see it get blown up… The legacy of the Jedi and its history is not further destroyed with the loss of this sacred planet of kyber crystals.

          And that’s better, because this trilogy about passing the torch, seems as insistent as Kyle Ron, the villain, on interpreting this theme as utterly wiping out all traces of the past, and leaving nothing for the next generation to work with. Which, I’m not surprised at a corporation thoughtlessly razing and salting the earth in selfish disregard for those who will need and use it afterwards, but still. And while a star that burns brighter than most thanks to its heart of Kyber IS a neat concept that could be worked with, especially with what Chirrut Imwe says, in addition to the motifs of flames of rebirth and the Phoenix… It’s not something that justifies the further eradication of Jedi history and effort on a level that even the Empire didn’t go, just to arbitrarily raise stakes with yet another uninspired superweapon.

           Like, the Duel of the Fates script and its concept of a device that blocks off all inter-galactic communication is MUCH more interesting, clever, and innovative than the Death Star Lite, and it hits closer to home in this age of internet and mass communication; In contrast to the Death Star, which fit more in its time as a criticism of the stockpiling and development of nukes, and how that tapped into the public’s fear at the time of nuclear Armageddon. And a device blocking off intergalactic communication provides good reason for why the Resistance doesn’t have the full might of the New Republic behind them, because they can’t even communicate to collaborate, and it adds to that idea of people made to feel ‘alone’ or whatever and thus isolated, so they can’t band together and rise up. That adds to Rey feeling alone, and makes Poe and Zorii’s discussion at the end of the trilogy that much more meaningful… Not that the Sequel Trilogy was planned to consider the latter, of course.

           (Actually, I wonder if it’s possible to cut Starkiller Base’s superweapon scenes from the film. Like a cut where any references to its superweapon, and the scene where it fires, is cut out; I think the film might still work that way.)

[j-reau]

There’s something I want to talk about that’s been sitting in my head for a few days now. I kept telling myself not to talk about because tumblr struggles with the line between feelings and drama, between change or growth and confrontation and vauging.

That’s not what this post is for me. It’s not drama or a vague post. It’s trying to work through how I feel, trying to talk to the community at large about stuff I think we can do better, or at least stuff I want for me and for my friends and writing partners. 

I think somewhere along the way, in its inability to wrestle with grey areas, tumblr as a whole lost the middle ground between self care and hurting others, and in doing so turned communication into confrontation. I’ll be clear about something to start this off; you don’t owe strangers on the internet anything. You don’t owe someone an explanation as to why you don’t follow them. You don’t owe a mutual an explanation as to why you write with someone else more or where your muse goes that day. You don’t owe anyone your time. You don’t owe anyone your mental health. Curating a safe space is important. Creating boundaries is healthy whether they’re for you or for someone else. I believe all of that to be true and I think that it’s important that on tumblr we absolve some people of the pressure put on them by themselves. I was once stalked by someone who I had never once talked to on this website who demanded to know why I wouldn’t write with them. I did not owe them explanation. Not for why I didn’t follow them and certainly not for why I eventually blocked them. And once they messaged me over and over from different accounts, my boundaries had been crossed and I felt very uncomfortable. So I understand the importance of making sure people know that that kind of pressure is fucked up. Because of my decision not to follow them, that person posted at length about how I was an elitist, unfriendly, etc. They even threatened self harm and guilt baited. And it is instances like that where I think it’s important that we make clear over and over and over that you don’t owe people an explanation. 

With all of that said, I think somewhere along the way we started applying all of those posts about how to deal with toxic people and strangers and started applying them to our friends. And that’s where things get uncomfortable for me and worth talking about for me. So I guess that’s what I want to do. Because to me, you absolutely owe your friends some communication. You owe your friends a reason. Even if it’s as simple as “hey I think I need some space, please don’t contact me for a while.” Relationships come and go and on a website like tumblr we get very close to some people fast, or we talk a lot and share a lot, not everyone is going to click. Not everyone is going to jive and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. But in relationships, communication is a crucial and important part of adult hood. Ignoring problems isn’t adult. Failing to communicate isn’t mature or conflict free. My best and closest friends are the people with which I can communicate. And in some relationships you’ll learn that your communication styles don’t match. And that’s okay too. But communication is important to any friendship, partnership, etc. Something as simple as “hey can we not talk about that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Something as simple as “will you do me a favor and blacklist your posts about _____ because seeing them makes me anxious.” Or even communicating needs for validation like “I’m feeling really sad and anxious today. It’s nothing you’re doing but could you give me a little reassurance?” Or “hey I’ve been busy this week. It’s not you but I need some space away from discord.” Communications don’t have to be arguments. They don’t have to be confrontations. They’re just expressing a feeling and allowing someone else to then accept the boundary or need you express and meet it, ask questions if they need to or whatever it may be. Like for example, “sure I can give you space. Do you want to just hit me up when you feel better or should I reach out in a few days?” 

I think maybe part of it is about how we place value on “friendships” and on partnerships writing on tumblr. And maybe that’s where some of us differ and I also think is an important thing that should be communicated. For me, I write with hundreds of people. I love writing with people. I love having tons of partners and writing with any of my mutuals who want to. When it comes to writing and people who I have writing partnerships with, my communication style is pretty straight forward. And it starts from jump, communicating if we want to ship or not, communicating what kinds of plots we like. And then later when someone has to say “hey can we drop this thread and start a new one?” Or “Sorry I vanished for a month do you still want to write this?” All of those things are communications and to me, come with trust that you will be honest and receive the other person in good faith. of course, in hundreds of people that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it doesn’t go well, and that’s fine. These are writing partners and while my communication style will always be the same and be as honest and straightforward as I can give it, it may not mesh with someone else’s. But then there are friends -- good friends. And by good friends I mean the people you talk to frequently. The people you talk to about how you feel, about what’s going on in your life, about your insecurities or whatever it may be. The people you write with frequently or have built a relationship with, the people you tell with your words that you love or that mean a lot to you. Maybe some people on tumblr use words like that lightly. I don’t know. But for me those are meaningful things and the people I consider good friends are not the same as strangers and are not the same as casual writing partners. 

Something is exchanged when we RP. I talked about this in my last post. I talked about how it’s not “just tumblr RP” how there are feelings and intimacy that is personal and terrifying in writing with people and sharing your creative work with them and opening yourself up to rejection and insecurity. When you RP, when you talk a lot, when you become friends with someone even if it’s on the internet, just as in real life, you’re exchanging trust. You are opening yourself up to vulnerability in expressing your feelings, in sharing your world with someone and they are doing the same by accepting that, caring for that, sharing their own, etc. To me, once you hit the point of having exchanged trust with someone, that’s when you owe communication of some kind. It can be as small as “hey I can’t talk today” and as big as “this thing you did yesterday hurt my feelings.” But it’s so important to do it. That’s important for a number of reasons. It’s important because maybe there is a misunderstanding that can be cleared up. It’s important because maybe that other person may not even know they hurt you and could apologize. It’s important because vocalizing your own feelings is an adult point of growth for you. And a number of other things. 

And I GET IT. Trust me, I do. Communicating is uncomfortable. What about how anxious it makes you? What about how you feel panicked and sweaty and your heart races and you worry that it won’t be well received. Trust me, we all have been there. It happens to everyone and it fucking sucks. But the only way that gets better is with practice. I can already hear the tumblr mentality that says “you shouldn’t have to feel that way if you don’t want to,” and there’s some truth to that. But any therapist will tell you that communication is the key to coming to the other side of that and that the more you do it, the better it’ll be, the easier it’ll feel. Having been in several relationships with people that projected their feelings onto me or held me accountable for their happiness, learning to communicate boundaries, learning to communicate feelings versus intention and all of that were huge for me. This isn’t something I popped out of the womb understanding. It’s something I’ll surely fail at a thousand times. But it’s definitely something important to me to learn. And I think it’s something tumblr can benefit from. Because while “let people block you” is an important mentality for strangers, for abusers, for toxicity, etc it’s not a good mentality for friendships and relationships. Ghosting your friends is really hurtful. Cutting people who mean something to you out with no communication or explanation causes a snowball of bad feeling and anxiety in allowing you to have closure on your terms and the other party to have none. Expecting people to handle hurt and confusion and sadness in private without ever talking about it to anyone is really fucking isolating. Tumblr mentality likes to push that we should be able to axe people without consequence, that they should not ever wonder why, that they can not talk about it to anyone else, or express their sadness. But isolating people in their feelings isn’t healthy and it isn’t adult. There’s a lot of hurt that could be avoided on this website by people learning to communicate and by accepting that sometimes conversations have to be had, even if we don’t like it. Or at the very least, taking ownership for the fact that if we don’t want to have a conversation, that that is on us and not on the other person for feeling confused and not knowing what happened.

So I guess where I’m at here is that I just wanted to talk about that area, and open the floor a little to remind people about communicating. And what I mean when I say friends vs. strangers vs. partners is that I think we also need to be honest with each other and ourselves about who our friends are. Because once you open that trust with someone, there’s responsibility there with what you do with that trust. So be aware of where you open that trust. Be aware of what you say and how you treat people. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone you run across on the internet. I certainly am not. Even people I love writing with may not be my close friends, but I make sure that those are people that I’m not being vulnerable with and sharing feelings about things with and expressing how important they are to me. They are of course still important, but it’s different. Don’t fake friendship with people. Don’t love people into the safety and security of trust and communication that you’re not willing to have. It’s okay if communication isn’t your thing, but understanding that and understanding how you treat people because of it is important. Because communication is important. To friendship, to partnerships, hell even to relationships with coworkers and family members. As a community, I think it’s really important that we encourage being more communicative, and that communication isn’t conflict, and that sometimes having a quick conversation about something where both parties get closure or can say their piece or clear things up is the absolute best way to handle things. 

[lighdramons]

Hi I'm back. I promised awhile ago I’d tell the story of the fucked up digi.mon cult, so I figured that’s a great start for getting back onto this hellsite.

If the read more works, everything will be below the cut and it is a mess. Just a few things before the cut though:

General TW as I will be bringing up some of the bad experiences I had as well as talking about mental illness.

I will not be using names of sites, usernames, etc. I will not answer on specific users either. I’m sure these sites are still operating somewhere privately and back in the day, some of these people were big in the Digi.mon community outside of the sites as well.

If any of the people involved see this, no ill wishes towards you guys, just my take on things.

I quit these sites back in early 2015. I do not know what happened after I quit. I am only still in contact with a few individuals who either quit around the same time as me or long before.

As a general courtesy, some of these sites still exist. Please do not go harass them. A lot of the public sites are just teens trying to figure out themselves.

If you have questions or comments after reading this whole thing, I’m happy to answer any either publicly or privately. And yes, you can reblog this post.

We need to jump back to 2007 to begin with. I was a middle schooler getting back into Digi.mon because I walked into Gamestop and Digi.mon was sitting in the new releases. And I had access to the internet. I did binge S1-5 with subs and watching reruns of the dub on Toon Disney. I spent some time on the big fansite. Great site, just bad experience at the time because I was a teen and probably lied about my age. I didn’t feel like that was the community for me. I do check it every day now for news, just never made a new account cause I don’t even remember what I used back in the day.

By end of 2008/beginning of 2009 I began looking for other sites, stumbled across the digiclipse stuff on the bad encyclopedia site, looked into it, thought it was neat, moved on. Stuck with the big site for now because the only other sites I found were RP sites and not my thing at the time. Got hit hard with depression at the start of 10th grade (late 2010) and found my way back onto the digiclipse stuff. Didn’t really believe most of it, but thought the idea of creating AI Digi.mon was neat. Joined the smaller of the two sites because it felt friendlier and most users seemed my age.

For people who do not know, digiclipse is the act of going outside and holding the toys up hoping to get teleported. Most people by the time I joined thought the people who did this were crazy. Some people liked to do it for the lolz though.

Anyways, most of what happened on the sites was just talking and hanging out in chat rooms about life and other things. It was pretty chill. I can’t speak for everyone on the sites, but for me it was an escapism kind of thing. I was depressed and hated life so pretending that a magical adventure was a possibility gave me some hope. But honestly, got a group of people who were cool to talk with for the most part. There was one older female in her mid 20s that would come in the chat drunk and sexually harass the other female users and tell all the male they should die and are worthless. Nothing was ever done about her. And honestly it was weird having her there when most of the other people on the site were under 18. That was initially my only bad experience on the sites.

At some point during 2011, there were three individuals who claimed to see and speak with their digi.mon partners. And that they could read your aura and tell you exactly your digi.mon partner. And everyone believed this shit, mostly because two of them were prominent members and how could they lie. The process was simple, you would DM them either a creative piece you’ve done (art, writing, etc) or send a photo of yourself and they’d come back in a few days and tell you who your partner was. There was only ever one individual this method of tracking did not work on and that is yours truly. Oh and at the time it hit hard because I had started falling down the rabbit hole. This is the beginning of the cult-ish stuff.

Then the Ouija board happened. I have no issues with what happened during the fucking around with said Ouija board, I have issues with everything that spiraled out of control after. They fucked around with it confirming people’s partners that the others had “found”. And eventually they asked about mine. And then it was basically said, “oh we can’t tell you the results”. I was eventually added to this secret site of “The Chosen”. And basically told, “oh your partner is the offspring/creation of THE BIG BAD” and there were all sorts of debates on what to do about it. I literally thought I was getting punked at first and these people are clearly taking this whole thing too far. No, these people all believed this. Oh and the best part, most of the people involved in this “chosen” group were in their mid 20s. Me being a depressed as fuck 16yo that just wanted something exciting in life ended up eating all this up. I felt special and chosen. I look back on it now and I’m like what a fucking idiot.

We were all taught from the three who could do the stuff I explained earlier how we can also learn to bond and communicate and see our partner. I had absolutely no progress. Eventually this stuff led to everyone in this “chosen” group getting a “special guardian spirit”. Again, I made no progress on this. And to the point where they made me feel special again, I was the only person who had the wrong “guardian spirit” and they eventually found my “real one”, more on this later.

These discussions moved from a forum site to a private skype chat room, and then further smaller private chat rooms. The movement to skype is where I started having some bad experiences. I gave a few of my “close” friends on the site my phone number, soon everyone had my number. And this happened to multiple people over the years. My own stupidity at the time.

This stuff continued as I finished high school. At the time, I still managed to maintain my social life with school friends, keep up my grades, etc. Got into college with a good scholarship in my dream field. And then I started to go downhill once I got to school. The longer this stuff went on, the more you were expected to be involved. Including being on skype calls all night. It slowly began consuming my life. I ended up not only with depression, but ending up with an ED that was tied to anxiety so I’d go days without eating. I was seeing things and hearing voices, which was highly encouraged because it meant things were working. I literally could not tell the difference of when I was asleep or awake. I honestly do not remember the majority of my freshman year of college. I had no real friends and was just barely scraping by grade-wise. And well, the academic year almost ended with me hanging from a pipe in my dorm.

I ended up running the site I started on as an admin after the original admin team left. And it was expected you do not mention any of the “secret” stuff on the main site. Over the years I know it became clear to the users not included that there were secrets in the background. And those who knew stuff would actively fuck with these users. And if I haven’t made it clear yet, there was a hierarchy to this whole secret group. And it was the original three who were mentioned at the beginning that were on top. And what they said was gospel. Whatever they claimed is what happened and whatever rules they had were the rules. But of course certain people could break the rules and get away with it.

This next part happened at some point during my freshman year and will be relevant again later on. This is the biggest TW section so skip if you have to. I had a user dox me. He had my home address and threatened to post it. He had sent it privately to a few other users as well that alerted me of this. His reasoning? I would not date him or say I loved him. He told me that he would come to my house, murder me, r*pe my dead body, because he is the only one who gets to have me. Another user got involved and called the cops. I do not know if anything ever came of this because I never spoke to anyone about it. I at the time had admin privileges on one of the sites so I banned him and blocked his IP and I blocked him on anything I could. And I continued doing this over the years. I was told I was a bad person for doing this because I did not understand him. This lead to a lot of the things in the above paragraph getting worse.

As this all continued, there were battles and casualties and everyone ended up with like 20 partners. And if you haven’t noticed I’ve stopped using the term digi.mon entirely in the past few paragraphs. That’s because oh they weren’t digi.mon. They were spirits/dimensional beings that took on a form we were comfortable with and we formed a bond with. And I kept going along with all of this because I was in too deep at this point. And obviously yes, this all made sense. So at some point during this time, my “spirit” went to sleep and a new one “awakened”. And I of course still went along with all this. The BIG BAD kept mutating into stronger forms and blah blah blah.

During my fall semester sophomore year, I joined theatre at my college and did tech. Honestly, one of the reasons I was able to begin breaking away from this. I started to get an actual friend group and have less time for these sites. But there was always a pull of “you have to be here”. You were expected to be on skype calls and/or active in chat.

Well, that all changed at the start of 2015. They wanted a deletion of all the other sites and they would have one site united under one belief system. I was not a huge fan of this and made this known, but also offered to help in the coding as that was a skill I had that no one else really had. It got out around that I was a cunt and a power hungry bitch and blah blah blah. If it was just that, I would probably not have left. No no no, I was accused of lying about the shit that that user said and did to me. Because he is such a nice guy that could never do that type of stuff. And unless I provided the receipts I was clearly an attention seeking liar that wanted to ruin his life. That was the straw. I fucking blacked out in a rage and attempted to delete some of the different websites, I blasted some of these people on their real facebooks, and then I deleted all of my accounts and blocked everyone and blocked their numbers.

After that, I started talking with other people that quit. I started enjoying my college life. And I tried to act like none of that stuff had happened. I distanced myself from those individuals that were active in the Digi.mon community. I stopped hearing the voices and seeing things. I started going to therapy. My road hasn’t been perfect, but I’ve come a long way since I got out of this stuff. Honestly going to meet up with one old member after covid is all clear cause we’ve known each other for over a decade now and its about time we finally meet in person.

So yeah, that’s my story. I know I jumped around a bit and thoughts might not be too clear, but I wanted to share the fucked up things that happen in the background of the digi.mon community. Did I have good times? Hell yeah. The Olive Garden incident still to this day is iconic. We played d&d oneshots sometimes. We had memes. We all watched xros and hunters together live. And I still have some good friends out of this. The most fascinating thing out of all of this is everyone from the community that I still am either in contact with or see them via social media had admitted over the years to suffer from some kind of mental illness and has come out as part of the LGBTQA+ community. My own conclusion is a lot of us got sucked in due to depression/escapism and just a feeling of not belonging. And being around people of similar age with similar interests just made things more bearable at times. It also made a lot of us very vulnerable to the manipulation that took place, whether it was intentional or just one big group delusion created by multiple mentally ill people. I call it a cult, but I'm sure people will disagree with me. Whatever you want to call it, it wasn't good for my mental health in the long run.

If this shit is still going on, I hope people aren’t letting it consume their lives. And I just wish the best for everyone even if some of the shit hurt me.

As I said up top, if you want me to elaborate on anything or have questions, I’m good with talking about stuff. If you know me IRL and are reading this and are like "RACHEL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK" I owe you a drink and explanation. And of course it Is okay to reblog. This is one hell of a comeback post on this site, am I right?

[the-river-person]

F.A.Q.

AO3 HERE

Who are you?: I am a person. I live in a boat that is on the river. I am The River Person. If you must, you can call me River. He/They is fine. 

Do I actually have enough followers to warrant a F.A.Q. Page?: No. But I’m doing it anyway cause I will forget.

Can I send you asks?: Sure. Here are the Guidelines.

When do you update?: I’m not great with schedules. Its whenever I feel like it. But I’ll try to be fairly regular.

Can I repost your story?: Um.. No. You may reblog it all you like. In fact, go wild. Reblog the whole story across Tumblr. Or the Ao3 link. I love that. Good. Do it. Reposting = Bad. Reblogging = VERY GOOD. Likes = *finger guns* to you too.

Do you like so and so ship? No Fontcest, Incest ships, or child ships. If you send me asks about things like that, or tag my work with it, I will block you. Go away. But I enjoy some of the Sans AU ships. Of course Alphys and Undyne. Maybe Errorink. Also something called Nicepants? Nothing NSFW. Idk. Ships aren’t really something I have much interest in.

Do you do writing requests?: Send in an Undertale related prompt and If I’m inspired enough I might write some small piece for it. Even if I can’t or don’t feel like writing that for some reason, well... asking won’t hurt.

What is Aeontale?: Its an Undertale AU and the first story of a series I’m working on. The world starts out pretty close to the Undertale world we know, and begins to diverge over time. You can read the full thing on my Ao3 account (see link above).

Can I draw Fanart of your story?: Sure! As long as you tag and credit me for the AU, don’t use any of the ships I warned against above, and keep it SFW... then knock yourself out. I’ll probably cry out of bewildered joy for fanart.

Can I make an AU based on Aeontale?: What? Like how Underfell was based on Undertale, then other Fell AUs were based on that? Mmmmm. Lets wait until I’ve finished the story first, okay?

Can I include your AU characters in MY fanfic story (Comic, etc)?: Currently only Mistral Sans is Community Shared. However there might be more characters in the future you can use.

Wanna do an Undertale Collab with me?: Dunno. Depends on the project. DM me and we’ll talk.

Do you have other AUs?: I have some ideas for them, yes. Also some plans for one shot stories and some other bits. But one thing at a time.

Do  your stories have Dark Themes?: Sometimes. I like Psychological Horror, some violence, emotional suffering, death, reflections on mortality and immortality, and whatever the trope would be for Gaster’s unfortunate accident with the falling into the Core thing.

What is the Rating of your blog?: There may be some minor swearing, perhaps blood and death as mentioned above, but no excessive gore. Trauma, and mentions of things such as depression and occasional mental illness. There will be some romance, as I feel it necessary to the narrative, but I’m not hugely into ships so it won’t be a main focus. There will be nothing NSFW (explicitly sexual) ever, though brief non-human and human nudity might be mentioned in passing as a matter of course.

Do you tag triggers? Will you tag this trigger for me?: On the occasion something big pops up, I’ll try to tag it accordingly. If you need me to add a tag, do not hesitate to send me an ask requesting it. 

My question isn’t on here?: Send me an ask. Fastest way to get things done. I don’t bite, promise.

Want to be friends?: I’ll gladly chat with you, providing all interactions remain pg. I’m quite the friendly Monster. But this is still the internet and I don’t actually know you, so I do still have to be careful. I probably won’t be sharing any personal info about myself. Doesn’t mean I don’t like you, I just gotta be careful, you know? Thanks for understanding.