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marmorafarms · 1 year

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Gridball Jerseys and Cigarettes Ch. 4

The update schedule has changed to once a week instead of having a set day. Having a set day was kind of stressing me out.

Pairing: Sebastian x Alex

Rating: M for Mature

Word count: 2502

Warnings/Content: masturbation, dirty thoughts

Enjoy! You can also find it on ao3 right here:

Ugh.

Alex woke up, head pounding. Damn his stupid hangover. He really shouldn't have drank so much last night. Sighing, Alex grabbed his phone to check the time.

It was 12:30 pm. Shit!

Alex's grandpa wanted him up at 7:30 am sharp and ready for the day at 8. He knew he was going to get yelled at, and with his current hangover, he was not prepared for this. The numbers shone brightly in his face, and his cheery yellow lock screen seemed to be mocking him with it’s happiness.

Your focus determines your reality. –Qui-Gon Jinn

Alex groaned. He usually loved his “inspirational quote a day” app, but not today. Even though it was Star Wars quote, he found himself resenting it. His reality was going to truly suck if his focus had anything to do with it.

He jumped at the soft knock on his door. Judging by how gentle it was, it must be his Granny.

“Xandy?” he heard. The name that used to bother him so much made Alex smile. His Granny was at the door, sounding concerned.

“I’m up!” he called out, and stood up. He crossed the room and opened the door, smiling at the frail woman before him. She looked up at him with eyes the color of the sea, her hair looking like cotton candy, hanging loose instead of up in its typical bun.

“Good morning Granny,” he said, and she gave him a sweet smile.

“Your grandfather is wondering where you are,” she said, smile faltering slightly before she plastered it back on her face.

“I figured. I’m sorry I just…don’t feel great,” Alex mumbled. His Granny frowned and got up on her tip toes, trying to reach his forehead with her hand. He dutifully bent forward, allowing her to test his temperature with the back of her hand.

“You feel okay,” she said slowly. “But it’s possible to be sick and not have a fever. Hmm.” She looked him over critically.

“I think I just need an ibuprofen a something to eat and I’ll be fine,” Alex said.

“Well, we can make that happen!” Granny said, patting his arm.

Alex followed her to the kitchen. His grandfather was sitting at the table but surprisingly said nothing. What was going on? Grandpa George was never one to hold back, but he seemed surprisingly fine with the whole situation. It wasn’t until Alex was dressed and ready to face the day that his grandfather spoke.

“That delinquent stopped by while you were asleep,” he said gruffly. Alex paused at the door and turned to face him.

“Who?” Alex asked, though he had a pretty good idea of who Grandpa George meant.

“Robin’s boy. Sebastian,” Grandpa George said. “Couldn’t believe he was out of that cave that Robin allows him to stay in. He wanted to see you. Are you hanging out with him again?”

Alex bit his lip. There was no good way to answer this. Grandpa George wouldn’t be happy if Alex said yes, but he didn’t want to lie either. He took a deep breath in.

“Yeah, we thought we’d give being friends another shot,” Alex said quickly, as though saying it fast would make his grandfather take it better.

There was a silence, and Alex tried to read Grandpa George’s face with little success. That man had the world’s best poker face, and was simply staring at Alex. What was he thinking? Was he angry? Alex was beginning to panic, wondering if he should say “just kidding!” or stand his ground.

“You’re a grown man,” Grandpa George said. “You can make your own choices. I trust you’ll make the right ones.”

Alex blinked, surprised. He nodded at his grandfather who snorted.

“If you have to hang around men like him, that’s your business. But don’t let that change you,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

If only he knew.

Alex smiled awkwardly and left the house. Holy shit. All things considered, that had gone incredibly well. Grandpa George hadn’t even mentioned the fact that he woke up late! Was it opposite day today? Alex wasn’t sure. He was absorbed in these thoughts when his phone buzzed. Alex looked down, his eyes going wide.

10 missed texts.

What?! Who was texting him? He scrolled through them. 3 from Emily wanting to know if his hangover was as bad as hers. 4 from Haley teasing him about Sebastian and asking for details. And then 3 from Sebastian.

Alex swallowed thickly, reading through Sebastian’s texts.

wanna chill today? there’s something I wanna show you.

it’s 11 and you’re asleep lmao ok i’ll just send a pic

And the last picture was…goddamn.

It wasn’t like last night, not at all. In fact, Sam and Abigail were in it. Sebastian was in the middle of his two laughing friends and had his tongue stuck out all the way. And on his tongue was a brand new piercing.

Alex refused to let his mind wander, not in public! But wow. The things that piercing could potentially do were making Alex’s face heat up. With shaking fingers he tapped out a response.

new piercing? that was fast

A buzz signified Sebastian had responded. Alex felt warm inside, knowing that Sebastian had responded so quickly because he’d been waiting to hear from him. It was so nice feeling wanted, especially by this man. Sure Sebastian was hot, but he was also a genuinely great guy. And the fact that he was giving Alex attention? Insanity.

yeah it was a dare. we decided to play truth or dare and I got dared to get my tongue pierced.

Alex stared wide eyed at his phone. What?!

you seriously did that on a DARE?

Buzz

i’ve been wanting to for a while. just needed a push. you like?

Alex stared at the sky. He didn’t want to admit just how much he liked the piercing. The thought of what it might feel like gliding up and down his–

He shook the thought from his head, trying to get his mind out of the gutter. What the hell was wrong with him? Honestly, it was an odd feeling having these thoughts about another guy. Alex had never felt this way about any man other than Sebastian. He wasn’t even slightly attracted to other men, but Sebastian? Whew. That man sure did a number on him.

Alex was about to type out his response when he heard his name called out. Surprised, he looked up and saw Léo standing a few feet away. The farmer was quickly approaching him, and Alex shouted a greeting his way. Ever since he realized Léo wasn’t his competition, he had grown to like him quite a bit. Léo was laid back and friendly, and Alex was always glad to see him.

“What’s up, farmer boy?” Alex said good-naturedly. Léo smiled and clapped Alex on the shoulder.

“Not much, not much. Wanted to know how the concert went! Sam invited me, but I was dead tired after working the fields all day.” He looked annoyed as he said that, and Alex understood. It must be hard having to give up things you want to do because your work places so many demands on you.

“Oh, it was great!” Alex said. Then he paused. “How did you know I went?” he quickly looked around, making sure they were alone.

“Sam mentioned it when I texted him this morning,” Léo said. “Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah,” Alex said. “My grandparents don’t know I went. They’re not huge on me going to the city.”

“Oh,” Léo said, a look that Alex couldn’t place flitting across his face. “I guess…well, I was hoping you might want to come clubbing with me, Sam, Abby, and Seb,” he said.

Alex bristled at the nickname Léo used for Sebastian. He never shortened Sebastian’s name, why was Léo? But wait, hold on. His friend wasn’t his competition. In fact, he had just called Abigail “Abby.” Nicknames were probably just his thing.

“Well…I mean I could,” Alex said slowly. “Grandpa George said something about me being to make my own choices this morning. Maybe he’d be okay with it now?”

“That’s cool of him,” Léo said, looking thoughtful. “You should ask, and then let me know. Do you have my number? I should add you to the group chat with all of us.”

The two men exchanged numbers, and Léo left with a smile on his face. Alex felt his stomach do a flip as he thought about going clubbing. He’d never been before and wasn’t sure what to expect. Pop culture dictated a certain vibe, and Alex wasn’t quite sure it would be his thing. But then again…

Sebastian would be there. Potentially dancing. Potentially winking at him, showing off his hip piercings, and sticking his tongue out. The tongue piercing would be there, tantalizing him and…

Okay, yeah. Alex was down with the idea.

It took the entire day before Alex finally got the courage to sit his grandparents down and ask if he could go to the city. The two were silent, neither of them saying anything for a while. Alex squirmed in his chair, worried about what was going to be said.

“Do you think it’s safe?” his Granny asked.

“I’ll be with friends,” Alex said. “Safety in numbers, you know?”

“Who?” Grandpa George asked.

“Léo, Sam, Sebastian, and Abigail,” Alex rattled off. “We’re going to go hang out.”

Grandpa George huffed. “You’re going with them?” he scoffed. Granny shot him a look, and he looked down at the floor. Alex’s jaw dropped. A simple glare from his Granny was insane. He’d never seen her challenge anything Grandpa George said, not even with a look.

“I suppose you can,” Grandpa George said after a while. “You’re grown now. You step one toe out of line though, and there will be hell to pay. I don’t want you coming home as drunk as Shane and Pam get.”

“Of course,” Alex said nodding. “I won’t.”

“You can have fun,” Granny said, “But stay safe. I don’t want anything happening to you. I promised your mother we’d take good care of you.”

Alex’s face softened at the mention of his mother. He took his Granny’s hand into his own and looked her directly in the eyes.

“You’ve raised me right,” Alex said. “Mom’s proud of you, I know it.”

Granny began to tear up, and Alex wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Grandpa George seemed a little emotional as well, so Alex shot him a comforting smile.

Once Alex was sure they were doing well, he left for his room and flopped down on his bed, getting his phone out. He quickly found the group chat and let everyone know he was down to go clubbing.

they let you???

Alex chuckled at Abigail’s text, and explained what had happened. A few moments later he got another message, this time a private message from Sebastian.

glad you’ll be able to come. you seem like you’d be a good dancer.

Alex snorted.

jokes on you, i have two left feet. never done club dancing before either, just the flower dance crap.

Well then you can just stay still while i do the work

Alex choked on his saliva. He knew what Sebastian meant. He would stand, and Sebastian would dance against him. But the double meaning was there, and Alex’s mind was wandering. He had no idea Sebastian was such a flirt! If you had asked him a month ago if he thought Sebastian would be tossing around innuendos and sending him sexy pictures, Alex would’ve laughed for ten minutes straight before saying hell no.

But here they were. Talking about Sebastian doing all the work.

The tongue piercing came back to Alex’s mind, and he felt a jolt of desire go straight to his other head. God, what he wouldn’t do to feel that against him. The ball would add another sensation as Sebastian licked a stripe up him from base to tip.

There was no hiding it now, there was a massive tent in Alex’s pants. He’d only ever gotten off to a guy once, and that was years ago. He had been thinking of Sebastian and had felt so guilty about it. Alex had been sure that Sebastian would be disgusted or angry if he ever found out. But now, Alex had a feeling that wouldn’t have been the case.

So it’d be okay if he did it now, right?

Alex bit his lip, hand cupping himself over his jeans. Was this actually okay? God, he was overthinking this. He never felt this way when it came to girls. Whoever popped into his mind worked for him, and he never stopped to consider how they might feel. Did that make him a jackass?

This train of thought was cut short as images of Sebastian in between his legs and unzipping Alex’s jeans were flooding into his mind. He wasn’t going to be able to not do this, was he? The thoughts would stay there, even if he took a cold shower. With a deep breath, Alex shimmed his pants down, reached for his lotion, and took himself into his hand.

While the thought of Sebastian pleasuring him was amazing, he wondered what it would be like to make little whines and moans come out of his friend’s mouth. The idea of taking Sebastian into his mouth wasn’t as weird as he thought it might be, and his hand moved faster as the man in his head moaned and called out his name.

He lifted his shirt up a bit as he got close, not wanting to ruin his shirt. He tried to keep his panting to a minimum, but it was hard with his current thoughts. Alex bit his knuckles as he finished, not wanting any sound to come out. The last thing he needed was for his grandparents to know what he was doing alone in his room. He closed his eyes as he came down from his high, chest heaving. What he wouldn’t give to have the real thing happen.

Alex reached for his tissues and cleaned his chest and abs up. He didn’t feel the horrible shame that he had felt before and peeked over at his phone. Should he tell Sebastian…? Alex bit his lip, but decided not to. They hadn’t been on their date yet, so it would probably be crossing a line if he brought this up. Even if Sebastian did enjoy the idea, it still might be weird.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy and tried to fight off sleep for as long as possible. It was only 6 pm, and if he went to sleep now, he’d never be able to fall asleep when it actually made sense to. Alex gave in eventually, drifting off into a deep slumber. His last conscious thought for the night was of holding Sebastian’s hips while they danced in the club.

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv fanfic #sdv sebastian x alex #stardew sebastian x alex #sdv alex #sdv sebastian #stardew alex #stardew sebastian

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kittystargen3 · 2 years

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Summary: A time traveling Grandmaster, to the Prequel Era, trying to fix the mistakes the Jedi made, and get rid of a certain Sith too. Only Time Travel is not that easy, as Yoda will soon learn.

I've updated Time Travel: To the Past Yoda Goes today. Below is only a small snippet. Go to the links above to read more.

Chapter 50 - The Padawan Who Almost Failed

“Where did he go?” Obi-Wan looked pale.

Qui-Gon put his hand on his Padawan’s shoulder. They had both watched in shock as Mace announced Anakin’s loss by a foul. A bad call. He was already planning words he would say to Mace the next time they spoke.

But now Obi-Wan was worried and he looked like he was about to faint. “He won’t talk to me. He’s blocked our bond completely.”

Qui-Gon knew how that felt. Before he could offer his sympathies, Siri spoke up. “He’s probably just worried about how you’ll react. Remember when you were that young, Master Jinn’s opinion was like the Force to you.”

“Oh really?” Qui-Gon tapped his ego down when he realized, in this moment, neither of them would appreciate his sense of humor. “I’m sure Siri is right. You know what, we'll go looking for him. I’ll go up to the atriums and look there. Siri, why don’t you search the classrooms and…”

“Oh, could I help?” Plo asked. They just stood there looking at him, so in a moment he added, “Master Windu asked me to help you. He was sorry he had to make that ruling. It wasn’t his idea.”

“Really?” Qui-Gon eyed Plo looking for a hint of deception. When he was satisfied it was true, as far as Master Koon knew, he sighed. “Plo, you can look in the west wing of the Temple. Siri searches the classrooms in the east. Obi-Wan will go back to his quarters.” Obi-Wan shook his head. No, he might go back there,” Qui-Gon finished.

Suddenly, he felt someone tug at his robe from below. He looked down to see one of Anakin’s friends. The one with green highlights in his hair. “Master Jinn, sir. You should look in the Hangar bay too.” Qui-Gon cocked his head to the side to listen. “Ani likes to go there to work on the engines when he gets upset.”

“Thank you. I certainly will.” The youngling bowed and turned to go back to where he had been waiting with the others.

Qui-Gon turned back to the others, and they all were nodding in agreement with their assignments.

***

“Anakin, Anakin! Qui-Gon poked his head into one room, then the next, looking for his grand-padawan. He’d already searched the grand Atrium, and not finding him there, he decided to look in the smaller meditation rooms in the halls surrounding it. “Anakin, Oh I’m sorry.” He apologized when a knight dropped out of a meditation. “Have you seen Initiate Skywalker?”

“Hmmf, not here,” was the reply.

Qui-Gon bowed, then continued on to the next room. Nothing was there. Soon he reached the end of the hall. ‘Hmm,’ he thought. ‘I was sure Anakin would be here. He loves coming here with me.’ Qui-Gon looked down and remembered young Anakin being there. They would use the Jedi archives to look up the names of the planets and stars they saw through the telescopes. Anakin would get really excited when they found a new star.

“One day, I’m going to see them all,” his memory of Anakin was saying. Then Qui-Gon remembered young Alex’s advice from earlier.

“The Hangar!” He exclaimed. Then he turned and ran. The Hangar was on the other end of the upper floor to the Temple, so it was in Qui-Gon’s wing to search....

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crowsandmurder · 2 years

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Obi-Wan Kenobi Tags

Obi-Wan ✖ (Aesthetics)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Thoughts)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Character Development)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Crack)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Headcanons)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Photos)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Starter Call)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Verses)

VERSES:

P A D A W A N

As a Padawan in the Jedi temple, Obi-Wan grows up, learning the Jedi way, eventually being chosen by Qui Gon Jinn. He becomes his apprentice, and they go on various journeys. This continues until Qui-Gon’s untimely death, at the hands of Darth Maul.

J E D I K N I G H T

As a promise to his dying master, the newly knighted Obi-Wan takes on training a young Anakin Skywalker. As he grows and gets used to being a Knight and handling his own missions, he’s handling being a master to his young, complex Padawan too. Obi-Wan tries to be the kind of Jedi Knight that is understanding, fair and doesn’t react emotionally.

J E D I M A S T E R

After Anakin is made a Jedi Knight and the Clone Wars begin, Obi-Wan is officially a Jedi Master. During the war, he is also a General, with his own Clone Army. As a Jedi Master, he has a seat on the Jedi Council and is often called the Negotiator. He tries to handle things the best he can, despite the fact that it is not always the easiest to do so.

I S O L A T I O N

The Clone Wars are over, and Anakin is dead. Obi-Wan had to kill his brother (or that’s what he thinks). He had to help hide his children from the new head of the Empire. The Jedi have mostly been killed and he himself is in isolation, hiding away, since Jedi are still being killed. He doesn’t use the force and works with his hands. He’s extremely broken, lonely and grief-stricken.

K E N O B I A N D B E Y O N D

10 years after his fight with Anakin on Mustafar, he discovers Anakin is alive, only he is now Darth Vader. After a run-in, he sees that he is basically a cyborg. He is trying to protect Anakin’s children, but it seems Darth Vader is extra obsessed with killing him. He just is trying to figure out how to get through life, now. After the events of Kenobi, he moves out of the cave and tries to get used to life as Ben Kenobi, while still watching over Luke, most to Owen Lars dismay.

A N E W H O P E

More time has passed and he’s settled into things, as an older man. He’s known to every one as Ben known, Obi-Wan not even a name that he recognizes, most of the time, anymore. But, he gets a message that Leia needs help and he knows he’ll have to help her. It’s also time to teach Luke about the force, all while being careful, how much to tell him about his father.

F O R C E G H O S T

After Obi-Wan’s death, he becomes a force ghost, providing counsel to Luke and others who can communicate with force ghosts.

I N T O T H E F U T U R E

Obi-Wan did not fall to Darth Vader, in A New Hope and continues his life. He is not sure if he would want the responsibility of training Luke. He is too old to have a Padawan and he knows that he is a risk, due to his connection to Vader. But, he teams up with the Rebellion and continues to help where he is needed. He can still fight and he can counsel when needed (Canon Divergent Verse)

FACECLAIMS:

Ewan McGregor

Alex Guinness

BIOGRAPHY:

As an apprentice, he helped Qui-Gon Jinn, in various different ways, learning from him and he even ‘killed’ Darth Maul, after he killed his former master, and promised a dying Qui-Gon that he would train Anakin. In his earlier years, he also fell in love with the future duchess of Mandalore, Satine, but remained loyal to the Order.

Training Anakin was not the easiest for Obi-Wan. The two were only ten years apart in age, and Obi-Wan at times, could be a little harsher than he probably needed to be, but he cared deeply for Anakin. Once Anakin became a knight, they still were partners, in the battlefield and in missions, not often found, without the other. Eventually, he became a Jedi Master and was appointed to the Jedi Council, though he didn’t always agree with them.

The hardest thing that Obi-Wan would go through, was when Anakin fell to the dark side, and he was sent to deal with him. They had an intense duel on Mustafar and though Obi-Wan managed to overtake Anakin by dismembering him, he would not say that he won, in any way. He figured that he had killed Anakin. Due to the Jedi purge, he went into exile, and kept an eye on Anakin’s son Luke, for a distance.

Taking a common job, he stuck mostly to himself, a broken man of who he once was. After finding out that Darth Vader was in fact Anakin Skywalker, he and Darth Vader had several more run-ins, before Obi-Wan decided to stop living in such squalor and tried to live somewhat of a normal life. But that would change again, when Leia would need help and he would finally tell Luke about the force.

This time when he faced Vader, he wouldn’t survive, but it was due to him sacrificing himself, so that the others could get away. Still able to communicate from the other side of the force, he still counseled Luke.

#Obi-Wan ✖ (Aesthetics)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Thoughts)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Character Development)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Crack)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Headcanons)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Photos)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Starter Call)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Verses)#V: Jedi Master #V: Padawan #V: Jedi Knight #V: Isolation #V: A New Hope #V: Force Ghost #V: Into the Future #V: Kenobi and Beyond #✖ [Character: Obi-Wan Kenobi]

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crowsandmurderbackup · 11 months

Text

Obi-Wan Kenobi Tags

Obi-Wan ✖ (Aesthetics)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Thoughts)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Character Development)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Crack)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Headcanons)

Obi-Wan ✖ (Photos)

VERSES:

P A D A W A N

J E D I K N I G H T

J E D I M A S T E R

I S O L A T I O N

K E N O B I A N D B E Y O N D

A N E W H O P E

F O R C E G H O S T

After Obi-Wan’s death, he becomes a force ghost, providing counsel to Luke and others who can communicate with force ghosts.

I N T O T H E F U T U R E

FACECLAIMS:

Ewan McGregor

Alex Guinness

BIOGRAPHY:

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a Jedi, who was the apprentice of Qui-Gon Jinn, the master of Anakin Skywalker, and a respect Jedi Knight and Jedi Master. He served as a Clone War General, during The Clone Wars. He was labeled the negotiator, since he could often negotiate conflicts. As an apprentice, he helped Qui-Gon Jinn, in various different ways, learning from him and he even ‘killed’ Darth Maul, after he killed his former master, and promised a dying Qui-Gon that he would train Anakin. In his earlier years, he also fell in love with the future duchess of Mandalore, Satine, but remained loyal to the Order. Training Anakin was not the easiest for Obi-Wan. The two were only ten years apart in age, and Obi-Wan at times, could be a little harsher than he probably needed to be, but he cared deeply for Anakin. Once Anakin became a knight, they still were partners, in the battlefield and in missions, not often found, without the other. Eventually, he became a Jedi Master and was appointed to the Jedi Council, though he didn’t always agree with them. The hardest thing that Obi-Wan would go through, was when Anakin fell to the dark side, and he was sent to deal with him. They had an intense duel on Mustafar and though Obi-Wan managed to overtake Anakin by dismembering him, he would not say that he won, in any way. He figured that he had killed Anakin. Due to the Jedi purge, he went into exile, and kept an eye on Anakin’s son Luke, for a distance. Taking a common job, he stuck mostly to himself, a broken man of who he once was. After finding out that Darth Vader was in fact Anakin Skywalker, he and Darth Vader had several more run-ins, before Obi-Wan decided to stop living in such squalor and tried to live somewhat of a normal life. But that would change again, when Leia would need help and he would finally tell Luke about the force. This time when he faced Vader, he wouldn’t survive, but it was due to him sacrificing himself, so that the others could get away. Still able to communicate from the other side of the force, he still counseled Luke.

#Obi-Wan ✖ (Aesthetics)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Thoughts)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Character Development)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Crack)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Headcanons)#Obi-Wan ✖ (Photos)#V: Padawan #V: Jedi Knight #V: Jedi Master #V: Isolation #V: Kenobi and Beyond #V: A New Hope #V: Force Ghost #V: Into the Future #✖ [Character: Obi-Wan Kenobi]

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qsmp-slime · 2 years

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NO!! no sleep ^^

NYWAYS. I jokingly messaged them while i was a smaller stream and invited them tonplay phasmo and they AGGREED. And my dumbass was freaking out, but we did it by the next week, and what had happened was, in a nutshell

Were all chatting in the lobby and decide to go for a big map

Alex's stream wasn't working. And it wouldnt start streaming so we goofed around and tried our best to help him till his stream got working.

We go for the school map

I immediately grab the uv flashlight and book

Tim get the salt and camera

Brian stays in the van looking at our sanity

Alex gets the crucifix.

The name was like Jade Lex or something like that

IMMEDIATELY when we enter tim just starts yelling out the name

I join it because why not

Nothing seems to happen, i get fingerprints and as i go to leave a hunt starts and the door out of the classroom is LOCKED

I hear brian over the raidio just yelling "BENS DEAD"

Tim juat ran for the van to see the evidence and what was left

I stayed watching alex who was clueless.

BOTH Briand and Tim come back inside, trying to get the evidence.

By the time it ends they decided on banshee

That was incorrect. It was a jinn.

We laughed it off and ended stream because it was like. 3 in the morning for them.

And it was fun!

All of that because i sent them the message not thinking they would reply.

ANYWAYS GN! TALK TO YOU TMMR!!!!

-🍎🧃🍎

AWWW HEHEHE THATS SO CUTE I LOVE THAT SO MUCH!!!! truly iconic im so glad they did reply!!! thank you for sharingg!!! /gen v/pos!!!! and gn!! ttyl!!!!!!

#ghostieren.txt #ghostieren.ask #applejuice tag

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sailorsunspot · 3 years

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this will matter to like, precisely none of you, but i drew @moonlight-frittata and my Thirsty Sword Lesbian! characters.

and yes they are a thinly veiled excuse for me to butch up Yang/laura to play weiss and play out a fantasy freezerburn au.

i'm really happy with the colors tho, as well as how fucking gay and soft not!Yang looks

#my art #their names are jinn and alex #and its the slow burn freezerburn au ive always wanted #thirsty sword lesbians #also real talk im probably going to redraw them as REAL weiss and yang today because that background looks too good to waste lets be real #alexandra kuhl #my ocs #jinn rhodes

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bedrock-to-buildheight · 3 years

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Here's the analysis of the end poem bc I have Much Thoughts

Starting with the green speaker bc their personality is more pronounced and easier to read.

They take the role of the asker although both of them seem to have the same level of knowledge, so this is probably just for the sake of having a conversation.

PLAYERNAME?

Yes. Take care. It has reached a higher level now. It can read our thoughts.

[...] What did this player dream?

This player dreamed of sunlight and trees.

[...] Does it know that we love it? That the universe is kind?

Sometimes, through the noise of its thoughts, it hears the universe, yes.

They want you to be happy, recklessly so...

[...] Sometimes, when they have not made a true connection in a while, I want to help them to speak the word they fear.

It reads our thoughts.

Sometimes I do not care.

...They can be a little thoughtless...

Give it a body, again.

Yes. Player...

Use its name.

PLAYERNAME. Player of games.

Good.

...But ultimately an oversharing disaster.

[...]the player, who inhabits a universe created by...

Shush.

Blue text is a little harder to pin down, there's not a lot to go off of, but they act as the minder for the other one

PLAYERNAME?

Yes. Take care. It has reached a higher level now. It can read our thoughts.

[...]

I want to help them to speak the word they fear.

It reads our thoughts.

They're also a little more...considerate? They actually talk about you specifically and not players in general.

I like this player. It played well. It did not give up.

The player is growing restless.

And not a subtle person. During green text's story, they keep pointing out that this is in fact about you.

Once upon a time, there was a player.

The player was you, PLAYERNAME.

[...] Sometimes the player woke from one dream into another, then woke from that into a third.

Sometimes the player dreamed it watched words on a screen.

And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love.

You are the player.

But ultimately they are also an oversharing disaster.

Sometimes it believed it was reading words on a screen.

You are the player, reading words...

Shush...

Now onto the weird and confusing “what does this all mean” part. If you’re just here for alex and steve inspiration you can stop here.

They actually tell you who they are.

Who are we? Once we were called the spirit of the mountain. Father sun, mother moon. Ancestral spirits, animal spirits. Jinn. Ghosts. The green man. Then gods, demons. Angels. Poltergeists. Aliens, extraterrestrials. Leptons, quarks. The words change. We do not change.

We are the universe. We are everything you think isn't you. You are looking at us now, through your skin and your eyes. And why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? To see you, player. To know you. And to be known.

They aren't minecraft entities, they actually represent The Real World You Are Living and you're reading the thoughts of the universe, in the form of minecraft text at the moment.

Sometimes the player read lines of code on a screen. Decoded them into words; decoded words into meaning; decoded meaning into feelings, emotions, theories, ideas, and the player started to breathe faster and deeper and realised it was alive, it was alive, those thousand deaths had not been real, the player was alive

You. You. You are alive.

This part is complicated. The poem so far assumes that to the player, the real world and the minecraft world (and any other ones you've dreamed up) are just dreams, equally unreal, just with different rules (they also mentioned this a bit at the start, "That, it must achieve in the long dream of life, not the short dream of a game."). A death is a death, the fact that you respawn in one world and not the other doesn't matter. And that now you realized you are truly alive and the world you're living in isn't unreal.

and sometimes the player believed the universe had spoken to it through the sunlight that came through the shuffling leaves of the summer trees

They imply, through the disguise of a story they're telling you, that the universe is always talking to you, light bouncing off pavements and ones and zeros and a thousand experiences. The universe is always talking to you, and what does it say?

and the universe said I love you because you are love.

The "you are love" part has two meaning: you the person is assembled as an act of love by other people.

And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love.

You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love.

The other meaning is that you, the path through which the universe is experiencing itself, happened because the universe loves itself. It's like loving a drawing, therefore you love the act of drawing it. Except in this case you also are the drawing. Like I said, confusing.

uhhh I don't know how to end this nicely so I'll just leave you with the ending of the End Poem itself. Hope you had fun.

And the game was over and the player woke up from the dream. And the player began a new dream. And the player dreamed again, dreamed better. And the player was the universe. And the player was love.

You are the player.

Wake up.

#minecraft #bedrock's #this took a solid hour and a half holy hell

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themetaphorgirl · 3 years

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So my roommates and I are rewatching season 7 and we just started the season finale where reid and Garcia go to the convention and all I could think about was the psolc gang taking spencer to a convention and Garcia makes them all group cosplay.

As an add on to the ask i just sent, my roommate has decided that they would dress spencer as baby yoda, despite his insistence that he is not a baby.

“Why am I here?” Hotch said.“

Because you will have fun,” Penelope said sternly. She abruptly yanked on his arm, making him lean far enough forward for her to drape the lanyard over his neck. “Now don’t lose that. You lose your con badge, they won’t let you into anything.”

“Oh, no, we can’t let that happen,” Hotch deadpanned.

Emily elbowed him in the ribs. “Lighten up, dude, I think she’s right,” she said. “I think it’ll be pretty fun.”

“Besides, she worked so hard on the costumes, you can’t let her down,” JJ added.

“None of us wanted these costumes,” Hotch said. “She did this of her own free will. Who am I supposed to be again?”

“Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“I thought he was old.”

“Only in the original trilogy. In the prequel trilogy, he’s young and hot.”

“I just don’t understand why I couldn’t be Darth Vader,” Dave complained.

Penelope rolled her eyes. “Because Derek is already Darth Vader,” she said.

“No, you said he’s somebody named Anakin.”

“They’re the same person,” Derek said. He grinned. “I’m just the young and hot Darth Vader.”

“Okay, why couldn’t I be the young and hot Darth Vader?” Dave asked.

“Because I’m Padme, and I wanted Derek to be my Anakin,” Penelope explained patiently, preening as she fluttered the sleeves of her yellow and pink ombre gown. “You are Qui-Gon Jinn. Piss me off a little more and I’ll make you be Chewbacca.”

“Oh, he should have been Chewbacca,” Emily nodded sagely.

“Like you know what your character is,” Dave scoffed.

“Fuck you, I’m Rey,” Emily said. “And it took Penelope like forty-five minutes to do my hair like this.”

“Well, JJ-”

“I’m Jyn Erso,” JJ interrupted.

Dave threw his hands up in frustration. “How the hell do you guys know all this stuff?” he said. “And how did we get talked into this?”

“That’s my question,” Hotch added.

“It’s because a particular child is fucking obsessed with Star Wars and watches them in an unending loop,” Emily said. “And also because none of you are able to say no that particular child.”

“Speaking of which, I still wish we could have gotten him to be baby Yoda, he would have been so cute,” JJ said.

“Yeah, Hotch could have been the Mandolin guy and carried him around.”

“The Mandalorian,” Derek corrected.

“What the fuck do any of these words mean?” Dave demanded, but they collectively ignored him.

“We couldn’t make him baby Yoda, he got so mad about being a baby he cried, and then he wouldn’t stop crying until we promised him he could be Luke Skywalker,” Penelope said. She paused. “Oh god, are we spoiling him?”

“Maybe a little,” Hotch admitted.

Spencer zipped over to them. “Look what I found!” he screeched, holding a book above his head. “I’ve been looking for this one forever!”

Alex and James trailed behind him; James was dressed as Han Solo and Alex was in Leia’s Cloud City costume. “We should probably keep him away from the collectibles,” she said.

“Yeah, I had no idea Star Wars people were so obsessed with merchandise,” James said as he linked his fingers through Alex’s.

Penelope patted his cheek. “Oh, my sweet summer child,” she said. “You have no idea.”

#au: patron saint of lost causes #caitlin writes things #patron saint drabbles #quiddoditto #thank you for asking!!

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awolfnamedluna · 3 years

Text

Luna's F/O List

these are all of my f/os!

and note that I am NOT comfortable sharing romantic f/os. I'm fine with sharing famillial and platonic f/os but it might change depending on the f/o!

also I tag all my f/os the same regardless of os the are romantic, platonic etc. I also either just use their last name or their first name

also here is a list of all my polycules

Col. Hannibal Smith (The A-Team (2010))

Romantic:

Hwang In-Ho (Squid Game)

Hwang Jun-Ho (Squid Game)

Kang Sae-Byeok (Squid Game)

Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars)

CT-7595/Riot (OC/Star Wars)

Grand Admiral Thrawn (Star Wars)

Paz Viszla (Star Wars)

Doom Guy (Doom)

Albert Wesker (DBD/RE5)

Kai (OC)

Dimitri (OC)

Chief Alex Grayson (OC)

Tree Sentinel (Elden Ring)

Zer0 (Borderlands)

Perseus (CoD BO: Cold War)

Gabriel 'Reaper' Reyes (Overwatch)

Cole Cassidy (Overwatch)

Hanzo Shimada (Overwatch)

Leon (RE6)

Aloysuis Knight (Scarecrow books)

Shane Schofield (Scarecrow books)

James Bond (Daniel Craig's)

QPPs:

Vittorio Toscano (DBD)

Krauser (Re4)

Baptiste (Overwatch)

Genji (Overwatch)

Kiriko (Overwatch)

Platonic:

Samuel Hayden (Doom)

VEGA (Doom)

Ramattra (Overwatch)

Reinhardt (Overwatch)

Echo (Overwatch)

Ana Amari (Overwatch)

Zenyatta (Overwatch)

Q (James Bond)

Rufus (Scarecrow Books)

Razum-dar (ESO)

Dr. Zed (Borderlands 2)

Familial:

Mike Ehrmantraut (BrBa/BCS-Dad/Grandpa)

Ana Amari (Overwatch-Mother Figure)

Zenyatta (Overwatch-Father Figure)

Sombra (Overwatch-Sister)

Kabal (MK11-Brother)

Victor Sullivan (Uncharted-Dad)

Pet:

Daisy (Doom)

Starhorse (Destiny 2)

Kodak (OC)

Notes :

#f/o list #Luna's f/os

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

Note

Do you think Ozma and Ozpin are the same person? The show is so confusing and contradictory with the reincarnation thing. My theory is that because the GoL is an asshole, he made Oz into a soul absorbing parasite with his reincarnation thing, but Oz learn to not take over his host minds. It would explain why Jinn makes it seem like Ozma is the same guy throughout and the whole “he learn to live with the souls he been paires with”.

It really is maddeningly unclear, isn’t it? lol

I’ve spoken about this a little here and in another meta that I of course can’t find now, but basic gist is that I personally don’t think Ozpin is absorbing his hosts. I think things pretty much stay as we’re seeing them now - with Ozpin and Oscar tying to work together, at times fighting for control as per Blake’s book - and when they’re killed Oscar, as the host, will move into the afterlife. Ozpin, cursed, will go on to share a new body with the next “like-minded” soul, changed by his experience of having been with Oscar for a lifetime.

Even if it turns out the merge is parasitic, I’m not sure Ozpin would have the ability to circumvent the circumstances of the merge as laid out by a god. If Ozpin can’t prevent the reincarnations, I doubt he’d be able to stop the merge if it really is akin to an absorption. (GoL is absolutely still a grade A asshole though...) Based on what we’ve seen I interpret his “learning to live with the souls he’s been paired with” as learning, basically, how to have two people sharing one body. AKA, learn to let your hosts have a life, agency, be more than just souls along for the ride. The opposite of what Ozpin seems to have done during his first reincarnation and a metaphor for his ultimate goal: unite humanity. He slowly figures out how to unite Remnant by first learning how to unite with various hosts who want nothing to do with him. His reincarnation seems to be an excellent (if smaller) reflection of what’s facing him on a world-wide scale.

We have Oscar focusing so much on losing himself, notably when Ozpin isn’t around to correct him, that I can’t help but think he’s wrong. Ozpin was admittedly vague in his explanations (or rather, it seems like RT wanted him to be vague to allow for these questions and drama among the cast), but concepts of “merging” and being “changed” can all make sense under a less literal interpretation: we’re going to merge our abilities and our powers, I’m going to be changed by virtue of having experienced life alongside Oscar.

So given my own headcanons I think “Ozma” and “Ozpin” are indeed the same person. It’s just a name change. Whether “Ozpin” was the headmaster host’s name or something he picked up a much longer time ago, he seems comfortable with it now. He could have easily gone, “Hey, my original name was Ozma could you call me that please?” when explaining his reincarnation, but obviously didn’t. We the audience are used to Ozpin being named “Ozpin” so it makes sense to keep him as that. I interpreted Jinn’s use of “Ozma” throughout as just the name she’s used to. He might not have taken the name “Ozpin” until after he last spoke with her - over a hundred years ago now. Not much different than, say, one group of people calling someone “Alexandra” while another group knows the same person as “Alex.” Except Ozpin is adopting new names for convenience sake (wouldn’t it be suspicious if there was always someone named “Ozma” in Remnant who coincidentally kept taking prominent positions of power?) and maybe just because he wants to. If we could hypothetically see another hundred years into the future with the war still going on, we might learn that Ozpin had decided to remain “Oscar,” even long after our Oscar was gone.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #mymetas #Anonymous

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whiterosewood · 3 years

Text

Jinnifer’s parents are both half Dutch and half French. They moved from France right before Jinnifer was born to help extend their business into the Americas and she was born and raised American in Indiana. Her folks owned a lovely piece of land, and brought along her grandfather Alexander who’s health they were worried would start to decline thus they extended the invitation to him before packing up from their home. Alexander was a born and raised Dutch man from the Netherlands. He was Jinny’s father’s father. A good and humble man, but a broke man. He rarely had a penny to his name. Most of his life was spent traveling abroad with just his guitar on his back. He is the person Jinny most takes after despite looking more like her mother and her mother’s side of the family. Alexander preferred to go by Alexander, the name in-full and not by Alex, and only his granddaughter Jinnifer got away with calling him as she did “Grand Alley”. Mostly because when she was still learning to talk that was the best she could manage. “GranAlley” more apt during her first year talking. But Jinny spent most of her time between ages 1 thru 5 with her grandfather. As he babysat her while her parents were working on integrating an international service for their healthcare company. Something for the rich and well-traveled. Jinn’s mother is fluent in French, but Jinny never picked up much of it. She can maybe catch a word or two, and her father was fluent in Dutch but he never used it around her, and only ever used it in a rare business meeting. Frankly the only time Jinnifer’s parents spoke anything besides English was when they wanted to make sure she didn’t understand their conversation. Alexander never used Dutch after leaving the Netherlands, and he rarely used it while living there as it was more common in the area he lived that people spoke English.

#every part of us is important to the story ; headcanons #always kind of here ; queue

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silentwaters4 · 7 years

Photo

For @crystal-siren…enjoy! [may or may not turn this into and oc…let me know if I should ^_^]

Y/N watched in sheer horror as her planet lit up the sky like a supernova. The air was squeezed out of her as new scuffs were made on her knees. Her ears rang as the sign of life in her chest stilled. The destruction and grief was reflected in her eyes. Her body was aflame with agony and perish as the Force allowed her to feel all of it. Shrill and morose wails split from her. Simultaneously, she could feel nothing and everything.

Behind her stood her two friends, Obi Wan and Anakin. The younger Padawan lowered his head in silence. Y/N had always been protective of her people. He believed she’d blame herself. The elder Jedi knew he could offer no consoling in the immediate moment. However, a silent flow of tears wet his stoic cheeks when Y/N renewed her mourning cries.

He lowered his head as well as their ship continued back to Coruscant.

Y/N gripped her lightsaber with all she had. It had been a month since she saw her planet die. The Council had wanted her back in the field within a week, giving her no proper time to mourn. They didn’t even acknowledge that it was the Jedi’s fault for killing her home. Had they not been sent there, her people would still be alive! Had they mentioned the possibility of a trap, her home would be real, tangible! Thanks to them…everything she loved was dead.

Clenching her teeth, she lifted her hood and left the Temple. She paused momentarily as Obi Wan flashed through her thoughts. He seemed to be the only one caring for her out of genuine kindness. Maybe…

Before she could finish the thought, the terrifying screams assaulted her once again. She pushed her hand against the wall to keep herself from falling.

No…she had to leave.

“Lord Dolor,” one of her men called, “Two Jedi have been spotted with this destination in mind.” “Oh?” she cooed apathetically, “What do you know?” “One of them has proven to be an excellent pilot. They nearly caught one of our own.” Her interest peaked as Anakin crossed her mind. “The other was skilled in the ways of combat. A retreat was taken rather than overpowering him.”

Y/N smirked from under her hood. She remembered Obi Wan had always been one of the more gifted Jedi. He always credited Jinn for his accomplishments.

“What do you want us to do?” her man queried nervously. She stomped her pike. “Let them come.” “My lord?” “They sound interesting.”

Obi Wan and Anakin held their lightsabers, circling the mysterious Sith. The pair really only knew about the name she had given herself and her power. They had no idea who she used to be or what her methods were. Count Dooku seemed to know something of her, and that worried the pair.

Y/N smirked from under her hood.

“If it isn’t the infamous Skywalker and Kenobi. The Chosen One and the Teacher,” she taunted. “Lord Dolor, I presume,” Obi Wan spoke up, “You’re quite the famous Sith from what we’ve heard.” A low chuckle reached their ears. “I’m surprised that’s all you know of me.” Anakin furrowed his brows. “You aren’t exactly sharing everything about yourself.” She feigned hurt. “Surely, my previous friend and crush could recognize my voice?” The two remained silent, confused above anything else. “No? Maybe you’ll recognize my face.”

She removed her hood, yellow eyes glinting. The pair stopped cold in their tracks. Obi Wan’s heart broke at the sight of her. He has no idea what happened to her, but he never thought she’d go this far.

“Y/N,” he whispered, desperately trying to breathe, “H…Why?” She grimaced, holding her pike. “My planet was sacrificed just so the Council could get a small piece of information. They were unrepentant and refused to take responsibility!” “They didn’t know it’d-” “Yes they did!” she shouted. She paused before speaking, “You were the only one that didn’t push me to skip mourning, Obi. That, I’ve always appreciated.” “Y/N.” He was still at a loss for words as her face flickered with the same grief from that day. “I hear them, my people, begging for justice. All it takes is closing my eyes…That’s why I couldn’t stay. That’s why the Council must fall,” she paused to look the duo in the eyes, “Do you wish to defend it?”

The two shared a conflicting glance. How were they supposed to fight their friend? How was Obi supposed to fight his love?

In case anyone is interested in visuals of her lightsaber, click here Dolor: a state of great sorrow or distress

Perma-tags: @beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep @ttelesilla @jumperswellies @caitsymichelle13 @myplaceofthingsilove @holywinchesterness @frostbyte-horan @lemonsareeverywhere Semi-tags: @alex-imagine-blog @margarita-schuy

Request Here ; Submit Here

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theroseandthebeast · 6 years

Text

Yuletide 2017 Recs, Batch One

15 Recs for American Gods, Atomic Blonde, Baby Driver, the Black Tapes, Blade Runner 2049

Recruits, American Gods

The Norse god of battle and a mad Irish king walk into a bar. This is not a joke, my son: except in a sense, it is. They are Old Gods, it’s the New World, and the game must be kept going.

Sand and Smoke, American Gods

[The Jinn | Ifrit/Salim] - Salim spends the night in the ifrit’s New York apartment and enjoys a private moment with a very special sweater. In the morning, he makes an important decision.

war paint, American Gods

And that was how Mad Sweeney and Salim found themselves in a place neither of them had ever imagined being: the cosmetics aisle of a Walgreens at 11 PM.

Dreams of Fire, American Gods

[The Jinn | Ifrit/Salim] - When Salim goes to bed, he dreams of him. He tastes him on his tongue, his skin hot and rough like sun-scorched stone, his mouth full of salt and smoke. He trembles in his dream; he moans voicelessly, his body driven on and on, and when he wakes, his stomach is sticky, and there's the lingering taste of smoke on his tongue. But the small apartment of Ibrahim bin Irem is still empty. Salim goes to find the jinn.

shut-eye, American Gods

[The Jinn | Ifrit/Salim] - His brother-in-law might have called this running if he were here. More likely he would express his utter disappointment in Salim, then convince Salim's family to disown him.In fact, it might have already happened.

you lost me in the rear view, American Gods

[Laura Moon/Mad Sweeney] - A lonesome motel pitstop en route to resurrection.

before & after, Atomic Blonde

[Lorraine/Delphine] - Delphine lives.

(Or: the prelude, the aftermath, and some missing scenes in between.)

i'll sing a song for you (singe ich ein lied für dich), Atomic Blonde

[Lorraine/Delphine] - Yes, she thinks, send me to the most brutal corner of the world. Send me there, and watch me shine; an exploration of Delphine’s first year in Berlin

La Chaleur, Atomic Blonde

[Lorraine/Delphine] - Let them see that she is like the new map of Europe. Scars removed, scrubbed clean. Ready for a new future, a new name. Let them see that, and set her free.

(Paris, the summer after.)

Merge Point, Baby Driver

[Baby/Doc] - "You are my good luck charm, Baby," Doc says. "Why would I ever let you go?"

Mix-Tapes of Y-our Love, Baby Driver

[Baby/Monica/Buddy] - Somehow, the mixtapes of Buddy and Darling start to include him.

Trust Fall, The Black Tapes

[Alex Reagan/Richard Strand] - Alex wakes up bound to a chair at the end of a three-day span she doesn't remember. Strand says he can explain.

je souhaite, The Black Tapes

[Alex Reagan/Richard Strand] - Is it really so bad to be magically trapped inside a house with the object of your (as yet unrequited) affections?

how every place feels like hiding, The Black Tapes

[Alex Reagan/Richard Strand] - He sounds skeptical even when he tries to humor her. Still, she appreciates the unusual amount of effort. It must be herculean on his part.

Control Theory, Blade Runner 2049

[Officer K/Lt. Joshi] - Some blade runners only ever follow leads from HQ. Some lieutenants are satisfied with that level of initiative. I think you’re better than that.’ Madam shrugged. ‘Call me sentimental, but I like to see you apply yourself.’ Her smile was a hard, firm line, but it was there.

‘Yes, ma’am.’

#yuletide #yuletide 2017 #blade runner 2049 #the black tapes #atomic blonde #american gods #baby driver

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the-master-cylinder · 4 years

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SUMMARY In 1893, a young woman wears a magical bracelet and the dark shadow of an evil jinni (genie) looms over a bloody scene, foreshadowing the violence to come.

In modern day, three criminals burglarize a house owned by the now elderly woman with the magical bracelet. The criminals kill her with an axe to her face and find the lamp. A genie is released from inside and possesses the old lady’s corpse to kill one of the burglars by head butting him with the double-headed axe still lodged in the corpse’s skull. The genie finds and murders the other two intruders.

After surveying the crime scene, an officer sends the evidence, including the lamp and bracelet, for display at a natural science museum. From inside the lamp, the genie observes the museum’s curator, Dr. Bressling, cataloguing the newly arrived artifacts. Dr. Wallace’s teenage daughter, Alex, is also present and she tries on the magical bracelet. In a fit of adolescent angst, she says to her father, “Sometimes I wish you were dead!” She’s unable to take off the bracelet.

Alex’s class goes on a field trip to the museum where her dad works. The genie possesses Alex’s body and convinces her friends to go on an “outing” later to spend the night at the museum. The genie levitates Dr. Bressling’s body and decapitates him with a ceiling fan. The genie embodies more people and museum artifacts to commit acts of violence. Many bloody murders ensue. In the form of a resurrected snakeskin, he murders an opera-singing security guard. Alex’s friend, Babs, takes a bath at the museum and is killed by the demonized snakes during her bath. The genie’s true form is finally revealed as he chases Alex and her friends down the halls of the museum. Help arrives and together, they try to “destroy the lamp to destroy the jinn by throwing the lamp into the fire inside the incinerator.

At the end of the credits, the opera-singing security guard returns to take a bow.

DEVELOPMENT The fantasy-horror movie The Lamp, produced by H.I.T. Films of Houston, Texas. Shot for a little more than $2 million in a little less than six weeks, the film will already have opened in most of the rest of the world by the time Skouras Pictures releases it here late this summer or early fall. According to Warren Chaney, The Lamp’s writer and producer-and Deborah Winters’ husband-that strategy enabled the film to make its money back even before a U.S. distribution deal was struck.

“This picture developed out of an old McGuffey Reader that had the ‘Aladdin and His Lamp’ story in it,” explains Chaney. “My mom used to read it to me when I was four or five years old. There was a picture of a genie in there-half-animal, half-man that wasn’t your friendly genie, and he scared me.”

Chaney went on to make his own 8mm films as a child. He later joined the Army, where he did TV shows, training films and videos and picked up a PhD in behavioral sciences. After leaving the military, he worked as a professional magician and then became involved in TV writing and production for The Fall Guy, among other programs. And even when he moved into feature production, serving as executive producer for the comedy Hunauna Bay (directed by Halloween III’s Tommy Lee Wallace), that childhood image was still working in his head. Finally, it worked its way out through his fingers and onto paper, and The Lamp was born. “My wife had been after me for some time to do a horror movie, because she loves horror films, but I didn’t want to do a regular dice-’em slice-’em thing. So I thought, ‘What would happen if Aladdin’s lamp really existed, and what if it did grant you wishes … but instead of the fantasy that has developed around the lamp, that of the nice sweet genie that grants your wish, it’s more like the actual mythology?’”

He began researching the idea, aided by some friends in the Middle East. “The legend of Aladdin really springs up in two quarters, with two existing legends. One is Chinese, one is Middle Eastern, and they both overlap somewhat,” Chaney elaborates. “Well, I didn’t know anyone in China, so I leaned toward the Middle Eastern version, which is essentially that the genie is a spirit that can take on the form of a man or animal, and it takes on more than that. It takes on the master. According to tradition, the master literally becomes enslaved by the lamp.”

The film’s actual budget was $1.6 million but by the time the production house and studios add on to it, it was around $3 to $3.7 million-about a third of the average film budget then. But, I spent only $1.6 on the film. The film had a 6 week prep time followed by a 5 week film shoot on location.

“I was originally going to shoot the movie in Hollywood. We were going to use Marina Del Rey and dress it up as Galveston,” admits Chaney. “but Fred Kuehnert, a friend of mine I’ve known for 14 or 15 years, said, ‘Why don’t you film this story in Texas? We’d like to get involved with you.’ We ended up shooting in Houston, in Galveston and in Los Angeles. We were able to get most of our locations in Houston, but had to return to LA to shoot some scenes.”

Kuehnert, the president and cofounder of H.I.T. Films in Houston, is no novice. He was executive producer of both The Buddy Holly Story and Aurora Encounter, and before that he served a long stint in TV production. He also knew how to get films funded. The Lamp ended up getting much of its production budget from investors in Kuwait, who were, as Chaney points out, interested in the legend.

Tom Daley, the film’s director, was there from the beginning as well. A former film student at the University of Texas, where he did some palling around with Tobe Hooper, Daley has directed commercials and music videos, including Julie Brown’s “Homecoming Queen’s Got A Gun.” (“I’m infamous for that one,” he laughs.) He and Chaney met at the Milan Film Festival in Italy a few years ago, and nearly collaborated on a movie to be called Breakdancers From Mars. Says Chaney, “It was a sciencefiction parody. It was also one of those cases where I’d get one part of the funding and I couldn’t get the other, then I’d get the other and the first would fall out, so circumstances were such that we began The Lamp instead.” In fact, Chaney, who has taught at the university level, is a bona fide film buff. He’s written articles on movies for several publications, and met his wife at a Western film convention in Memphis, where he was visiting his mother, Penny Edwards, a well-known B-Western star of the ’40 and ’50s. In conversation about The Lamp, he mentions such venerable films as Tod Browning’s Dracula, King Kong, and Howard Hawks’ The Thing. “With a name like Chaney, you have an obvious throwback to the classic horror films,” he chuckles. “I pulled a scene, slightly, from Man in the Iron Mask, there’s a shipboard scene like in Nosferatu, things like that just off and on throughout the picture. There’s a little touch of Lionel Atwill’s Mystery of the Wax Museum. And, obviously, I couldn’t leave out Phantom of the Opera, Hunchback of Notre Dame or The Unholy Three.”

Director Daley agrees that The Lamp harkens back to some of the classic horror films in many ways, although he cites Poltergeist as well as John Carpenter’s The Thing as an influence on his approach. He also credits cinematographer Herbert Raditschmig for the film’s look, which he says is “very rich.”

Whether or not The Lamp will establish itself as the best of the independent horror crop remains to be seen. But it already can claim one distinction. “The concept is the thing that’s really different,” claims Chaney. “There has never been an evil genie movie.”

One of the preliminary design for “The Genie” by Barbara Anne Bock

I did a few versions of the Lamp and Genie. The director just picked one. I always liked to draw mythical beasts. The Lamp is kind of based on sex. The two dragon things are having a good time! I know Chris Biggs sculpted the Lamp alone. The Lamp stayed pretty much the same during sculpture. Brian Wade, Chris Swift and Gabe Bartalos sculpted the Genie. It changed (for the better!) from the original sketch. They made it look great. It was about 10 feet tall and massive. – Barbara Anne Bock (“Genie” and “Lamp” Designer-Reel EFX)

“The Lamp” by Barbara Anne Bock

SPECIAL EFFECTS With Chaney producing, Daley attached as director, and Winters handling the casting and functioning as associate producer, The Lamp swung into preproduction. “It was a very ambitious project and we didn’t have much time to shoot it,” says first-time director Daley, “but the crew put up with working 15, 16 and 17 hours a day. It sometimes took until 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. to finesse the mechanical FX to the point where they were successful. But overall, everything went very smoothly. We spent so much time prepping it-from January until March of last year, working on the special FX, storyboarding the picture out, and doing the casting-that it went much smoother than most.”

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CGI didn’t really exist at that time as we have them today. The effects” that were added in post were mostly “animation such as the glow around the genie, the lamp clicker, smoke enhancement, etc. I knew and liked David Hewitt (Technomagic Film Effects/Hollywood Optical Systems], very much. He worked with us in post-production and some of the animation effects that were added, were his. David was a few years older than me, but being young at the time, we struck it off pretty good. He had also been involved with “stopmotion” animation and I was very tempted to go that way with the genie. Eventually, budget limitations and time overtook us, so I continued with what we had.

A five-man crew from Reel EFX (makeup FX and creature construction supervised by Gabe Bartalos and Jim Gill), in addition to the makeup and mechanical FX, also built the glass shields to keep the snakes away from the actors.

Some of Gabe Bartalos’ fondest memories of the shoot was the construction of the amazing genie and operating it on set. The sculpture, giant fiberglass molds and even foam fabrication was accomplished in Los Angeles at Reel EFX. We then trucked everything down to Huston, Texas, and set up a temporary work space. The genie was revealed in pieces, so we assembled him in sync with production. The first week just the arm was needed to burst through a wall, so Jim built an articulated aluminum armature that was inside the creature’s arm. I then painted the skin using a combination of rubber cement paint that was airbrushed on and complimented by hand painting details in PAX paint. By the time the full genie was needed, we were ready, and it was pretty impressive. The entire genie was mounted on a riser arm attached to a heavy weight dolly. Mounted on the sides of the dolly were the long controllers for the arms, torso rotation and head movement. Under the genie where his waist ended, we attached a cheesecloth pouch that had huge amounts of smoke pumped through it so it looked like the genie was floating on a column of smoke. When we pushed him through the museum at “high speed” with all of us on the dolly manipulating the creature, it was a real thrill—this was making a monster movie!

The genie was latex with foam rubber backing, sculpted from a ton and a half of clay. Its bottom part was mostly a liquid nitrogen tank; operation of the top was, according to Reel EFX’s Martin Becker, “partially pneumatic, partially hydraulic, and partially cable pull. And part of it was radio-controlled.” Becker is “fairly happy” with the work he and his crew did, although he feels that a bit more time would have served the FX better. The hardest part consisted of getting the 20-foot tall monster to move with some degree of freedom. With its elongated, fully-articulated arms stretched straight out, the three-fingered humanoid creature was 23-feet wide. The genie stands only eight feet tall. Its misty bottom was added by means of a liquid nitrogen tank connected below the waist. “The liquid nitrogen gave a nice effect, was non-toxic and didn’t smell everybody out of the room like a lot of fog generators do,” said Bartalos. “Basically, it’s 70 percent of what air is-only much colder. You only have to worry about getting frostbite.”

“The reanimated mummy” was an effect that I tackled” says Bartalos. I began by getting a store bought medical grade skeleton. I then molded its face and created a cement “positive” which allowed me to sculpt on new features. I gave the illusion that the eyes had dried into their sockets, that the skin collapsed around the bones’ high points, and that the overall texture was dried and decomposing. I then molded my facial sculptures and ran them in foam rubber. These pieces I now was able to apply to the skeleton’s face, custom made prosthetics for a skull! I added stringy white and grey hair and painted the whole skeleton with parched colors (a lot of grey and umber tones). At the same time Jim was we waist of the skeleton. He installed a cool pneumatic rig that allowed the skeleton to sit up on its own when activated. He also added a mechanism inside the jaw, so it could chomp down on one of the students’ fingers. For this effect I made a fake hand that had a blood tube concealed inside of it. In closeup you see the “Mummy” bite down on the fake hand and pierce the finger. In the wide shot it was the real actor (Scott Bankston] with his finger bent back with a prosthetic stump attached and plenty of flowing blood.

I did most of the on set gore effects. There is a scene where a lovely young lady [Damon Merrill] gets attacked by snakes while she takes a bath. I was tasked with applying nine different prosthetics to her entire body that simulated the snake bites. Right before cameras rolled, I added fresh blood dripping from the puncture holes and spritzed it with water. The added water over the blood made for a very real “bloody wet look.” One of my favorite effects was the “Night Watch-Man” character that is established as a junk food over-eater. I created a “wrap-around” prosthetic that gave the illusion that mysterious forces have slammed copious amounts of food down his throat. Once I applied this burst neck prosthetic, I placed various hard candies in the open wound: Smarties, Mints, Twizzlers, etc. Good fun.

The Lamp features a reanimated mummy, an animated skeleton and some gore FX as well, all done by Los Angeles’ Reel EFX The major effect is a 26-foot-tall genie-and, unlike the genies usually encountered in popular fiction, this one is anything but benevolent.

Hewitt’s most spectacular effect involved an animated scene in which the vaporous genie flies out of the lamp into a swimming pool, reaches up out of the water, and jerks an actor down by the legs. His favorite FX scene in the picture, however, is one that is mostly mechanical. “It’s the mummy scene in the museum, when the mummy bites the boy’s fingers off and then sits up and bites him in the throat,” he says. “The only thing we did there was right at the beginning of the scene, when the boy and the girl are running through the museum.

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We added the possession part, where the green vapor flies into the room real quick and just for a split second you see the skull of the mummy glow. All we did was enhance the stuff the guys at Reel EFX did. Physical and optical effects work really well together, and when you can put the two together it really sells the effect much better.”

Like the rest of the cast and crew, Hewitt worked under time constraints, finishing the opticals in five weeks. And, though he laughs about “rotoscoping on an airplane” in order to make his deadline, he found working on The Lamp a pleasant experience. “You couldn’t ask for a nicer guy to work with than Warren Chaney,” he states. “He was real open to suggestions. He really knows the pictures back to the silent days, all the effects pictures, so we had a great deal of fun together.”

For Deborah Winters, star of such mainstream films as Kotch and Class of ’44 as well as the recent TV miniseries Winds of War, working with makeup FX was a new experience-and a not altogether pleasant one. The interesting thing is that if she could’ve found an Arab woman in Houston, she probably would have been spared.

“I had all the agents looking, and they would send me an Italian woman, and a Mexican woman, and it just didn’t work out,” recalls Winters, whose previous horror movie experience includes 1976’s Blue Sunshine. “So Warren said one day, ‘Well, I don’t know what we’re going to do. I guess we’re just going to have to have Martin Becker’s people handle this as another special effect.’ And I said, “OK, that’s fine,’ because I was fed up with the whole thing of trying to find somebody,” she laughs. “Then Warren said, ‘You can do it.’ I said, ‘I can do it?’ He said, ‘Sure. You can change your voice and no one will even recognize you; it’ll save us a lot of money and you can forget about it.’” That was how Winters found herself encased in five hours worth of makeup for four shooting days, after flying to Los Angeles and getting a head and torso cast.

“Doing makeup FX in a movie is tough,” she affirms. “I really had no idea. Between the contact lenses and the makeup, and having to sit around and wait until you can’t move and you can’t eat. . . At one point, there was smoke involved in a scene, and the FX guys blew smoke in my face and I couldn’t breathe. It was an experience. But the worst of it was the two hours it took to remove the makeup. Believe me, it was very painful. I had my Early Times with me. After doing this thing, I don’t think we could’ve found anybody that would’ve wanted to go through it.

“It was worth it, of course,” she adds. “But one day Warren told me, ‘Maybe we can do a sequel with the old lady,’ and I said, ‘Listen, brother-if you do a sequel, you can play the old lady.'”

Winters also portrays the old lady as a young girl in the prologue, and has a major role as the museum curator’s paramour. The curator is played by James Huston, and his daughter is Andra St. Ivanyi, a student at the University of Houston who gets high marks from both Chaney and Fred Kuehnert for her performance. Chaney also speaks very highly of Hollywood Optical Systems, the LA outfit that created the optical FX for The Lamp. Fans of low-budget horror and science fiction will recall Optical’s boss, David Hewitt, as the director behind the threadbare ’60s epics Journey to the Center of Time, Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors and The Mighty Gorga. For The Lamp, he and coworkers Bill Humphrey and Larry Arpin added more than 50 optical FX in post-production and, admits Chaney with a laugh, “saved my rear in a couple of places.”

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RELEASE/DISTRIBUTION/DELETED SCENES According to Warren Chaney, The Lamp was the title of the film as sent to distribution. H.I.T. Films separated U.S. domestic from overseas and so “two films” were born: “The Lamp” and “The Outing.” Skouras Pictures took the pic as The Lamp and released it in theaters in the overseas markets; TMS (The Movie Store) was the domestic distributor and wanted to cut 18 minutes out of the film in order that it could run “one more time” in the theaters. The original film ran 102 minutes but after their cut, it was reduced to 86 minutes. Now, their method for editing left a lot to be desired: they merely took a pair of scissors and cut 18 minutes off the front end; they tacked on some “cheap” credits and ripped off some of John’s music (John Carpenter] and they had a pic that would run 4 or 5 times per day instead of 3. Reviews for the original were pretty good; reviews for The Outing were much less so-and I agreed with the critics.

There were some longer shots of the genie that were cut out of the original scenes but later reinserted by the studio. My belief has always been that the “less you show” the greater the fear since people worry about what they can’t see. I wanted to film much less of the physical genie; Tom wanted to film more of the creature and so shot a great deal more footage in production. When I did the final edit however, I cut much of it out but as fate would have it, both distributors (Skouras Pictures and TMS) agreed with Tom and edited much of it back into the picture. I have always believed that when you are filming creatures “less is more,” but given the success both distributors had with the film, it’s hard for me to argue against them.

Five scenes were cut from the opening of the film. The opening scenes set the picture up to be a “tall tale”—there was considerably more detail about the ship, its cargo, and what happened on the way over (however, there were no hints as to the cause … you heard the screams and the helmsman lashing himself to the wheel). In a later scene (cut from the movie), one of the hoods (played by Hank Amigo, Brian Floores and Michelle Watkins] while delivering groceries, hears the old lady talking to the lamp. It occurred prior to the scenes where she was killed. That scene set up the “killers,” her, and her mystical aspects which is misunderstood by the thugs as her having a lot of money. When the scenes were cut, the picture opened in what was probably the poorest directed segment of the film: the scenes with the hoods in the van, on the way to the old woman’s house (if I had known this, I would have destroyed that part of the print). As a consequence, there was no “logic” to the film’s story from that point forward.

The end of the movie was trimmed (some 3 minutes). The museum director’s daughter [Andra St. Ivanyi) was being taken to a local hospital (explained by Detective Charles). Given the circumstances of the killings in the museum, the police are keeping her under guard. The teacher [Deborah Winters] remains to answer questions. There is a scene of a delivery truck delivering cases of soda. When the driver handles the cases, the bottles jingle, producing the sounds of the “evil-bracelet.” What was cut earlier was a quick scene early in the film when the driver is doing the same thing as the kids enter the museum. Andra St. Ivanyi looks at the truck and then at her bracelet. At the close of the film, the same thing happens, only now it’s a deathly reminder the girl of what happened. What was cut in the final scene was the close up of the bottles clinking together and making the bracelet sound.

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CAST/CREW Directed by Tom Daley Produced by Warren Chaney Written by Warren Chaney

Deborah Winters as Eve Ferrell / Young Arab Woman / Old Arab Woman James Huston as Dr. Wallace Andra St. Ivanyi as Alex Wallace Scott Bankston as Ted Pinson Red Mitchell as Mike Daley (as Mark Mitchell) André Chimène as Tony Greco Charity Merrill as Babs

Makeup Department John Blake … special makeup effects artist Ron Clark … hair stylist / makeup artist Thomas Floutz … special makeup effects artist William Forsche … special makeup effects artist (as Bill Forsche) Rick Jones … hair stylist / makeup artist Brian Wade … special makeup effects artist Gabriel Bartalos … special effects makeup Barbara Anne Bock … special effects makeup Nichael Boggio … special effects makeup Jack Bridwell … special effects contact lenses Lesley Chaney … special effects assistant Paul Clemens … special effects makeup William Forsche … special effects makeup (as Bill Forsche) Jim Gill … special effects makeup Tom Hartigan … special effects assistant Frankie Inez … special effects supervisor / special effects: California Bettie Kauffman … special effects coordinator Richard Mayone … special effects makeup James McLoughlin … special effects makeup Bart Mixon … special effects makeup Frank ‘Paco’ Munoz … special effects mechanical supervisor John Naulin … special effects makeup: California Steven Summerfield … special effects makeup Christopher Swift … special effects makeup coordinator (as Chris Swift) Brian Wade … special effects makeup

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Fangoria#67 Cinefantastique v17n01 It Came from the 80s! Francesco Borseti

The Outing (1987) Retrospective SUMMARY In 1893, a young woman wears a magical bracelet and the dark shadow of an evil jinni (genie) looms over a bloody scene, foreshadowing the violence to come.

#80sFilms #80sHORROR

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thesffcorner · 4 years

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The Mandalorian: Season 1

The Mandolorian is an 8 episode series on Disney+, written and produced by John Favreau. It stars Pedro Pascal as the titular Mandolorian who I will be referring to as his actual name, Din Djarin for the rest of this review, rather than the fan-name Mando.

Djarin is a bounty hunter, working for the Guild in the early days of the New Republic. His story starts as he takes on an under the table job to retrieve a package; however as things tend to go in this situation neither the package nor the people who are after it are what they seem, and Djarin must decide if it’s worth risking his life and reputation to protect it.

Before the show aired, I wasn’t very interested in seeing it; I hadn’t seen any trailers or buzz and I was still under the impression that it would follow Bobba Fett. Seeing the first episode I wasn’t sold on it either; I was disappointed that we were not following Fett, and that we were stationed after the events of ROTJ. However, I pushed through, and my opinions evolved significantly over the course of the show’s 8 episodes.

Overall, I enjoyed the show. There were some issues, and I can definitely see areas where Favreau can improve for next season, but I think season 1 was a solid starting point. My main complaint is that the season was too short, and even at 8 episodes, it still felt like it spent a lot of time on unnecessary filler. We’ll talk more about this, and other specific issues in the episode breakdown, but if you just want my opinion on if you should see it or not with no spoilers it’s this: If you like the Clone Wars, Rebels or the Solo film, you will like this. If you don’t, you probably won’t. Take that as you will.

So let’s get into this episodes, and I’ll end with some general thoughts and desires for season 2.

Episode 1: The Mandalorian

This episode is written by John Favreau and directed by Dave Filloni, the show-runner for my personal favorite Star Wars series, Star Wars Rebels.

We start with Djarin looking for more work from his Guild leader, Greef Karga, who offers him an extremely well paid, unsanctioned job, to track down a valuable package for some former Imperials. The man, just called the Client, strongly hints that he wants the package dead, and in return he is paying in Beskar, metal important to the Mandalorians.

The package is located on Arvala 7 (yes, I did look that up), and Djarin gets some help on his way, from a vapor farmer named Kuili, and another contractor, assassination droid IG-11. Djarin ends up shooting IG, after the droid attempts to kill the package, which turns out to be a child, the same race as or very loved Yoda.

If you have seen Rebels, than I think you will be very familiar with Filloni’s direction and style; unfortunately, for me this felt like one of the weaker episodes in Rebels. Even when Rebels was great, it suffered from an uneven tone; it could never quite decide if it was a kids or adult show, and as such the tone could fluctuate between really dumb and cringey comedy to serious and violent death in the span of a few minutes.

This is no different; there is some goofy humor, some characters that straddle the line between funny and annoying, but also some darkness, and good, subtle characterization.

The biggest issue this episode has (and it’s an issue the entire show never overcomes) is the pacing. It’s at once very slow, meticulously showing the loneliness and drudgery of being a bounty hunter and extremely fast, covering important character development and plot points in single montage.

Perhaps this is a flaw of Filloni, because what works in animation, doesn’t always work in live action. In Rebels, we could tolerate characters like Honda, we could swallow that characters teleport around and solve season ending issues in a conversation. Live action has a lot more constraints, suspension of disbelief is easier to break, so having character relationships develop at unnaturally fast paces or condensing what should be days if not weeks in a single 30 sec montage is a bit much.

I don’t want to make it sound like Filloni is a terrible director and this is some insurmountable flaw; Star Wars as a rule tends to not do well in developing its characters. Ever since a New Hope, where Luke was more distressed at Obi Wan dying, than his own aunt and uncle, or Leia losing her entire planet, the franchise has glossed over really important bits of storytelling (ahem, somehow Palpatine has returned).There is nothing as drastic in this episode, but it was still frustrating to have the first half of the episode so meticulously follow Djarin capturing the bounty and taking the job, and having the important parts like deciding to save the child or befriending Kuili take up 5 minutes.

On the positives, in a short time we get a really good idea of what kind of person we are following; Djarin is impatient, headstrong, a loner, someone who is very honorable, but doesn’t like showing it. We also get a good sense of the villain; Werner Herzog as the Client is a mix of a staunch and imperial like Tarkin, while also being fascinated by cultures like Thrawn.

An ok start the show, but definitely one of the weaker episodes in the season.

Episode 2: The Child

Episode 2 is written by John Favreau and directed by Rick Famuyiwa. After rescuing the child from the compound, Djarin finds his ship being stripped for parts by the Jawa. He goes after them, but when he manages to get to the top of their ship he gets blasted away. He has a dream about the day his parents died, and is rescued again by Kuili who offers to help him get his parts back. To do so, he must steal an egg from a mudhorn, and almost dies, except the child, using the force creates enough of an opening for Djarin to finish the animal off.

This episode is a vast improvement over episode 1; it has more action, more character development, more intrigue and a much more even pace. It’s still a slow episode, and we don’t learn much about any of the characters, but enough of what happens kept me engaged and interested.

However, this was the first episode where I noticed a bit of an issue with Dij Djarin’s characterization, an issue the show never really resolves.

I think, Pedro Pascal is too old to be playing Djarin. Alternatively, the writing of Djarin doesn’t match the age and gravitas of Pascal. Let me explain.

In episode 1 we learn that Djarin is impatient. This is fine. What is less fine is for Djarin to be brash and impatient enough to think he can a) take on an entire moving castle of Jawa by himself, b) threaten and shoot at the Jawa who already beat him once, c) tret the Jawa like pests even though Kuili and the Jawa themselves already demonstrated that they are intelligent and perfectly capable of negotiating.

These are not the actions of a man in his 40’s who is impatient; this comes off as someone who is too big for his birches, someone young and inexperienced and full of prejudice. A Luke Skywalker or Ezra Bridger, not Pedro Pascal at the same age as Qui Gon Jinn. It’s fine that Djarin is close minded and biased against Imperials and droids; it doesn’t make any sense that an experienced Mandlorin bounty hunter could speak Jawa and yet somehow not know anything about them.

This gets worse in the next episode where the other Mandalorians pick on Djarin and treat him like this young man who got lucky to be paid instead of an experienced warrior of decades. Even the Armorer treats him like a newbie; he doesn’t have a signet, he doesn’t have a jet-pack, and yet he’s in his mid 40’s!

Again, this isn’t just a problem of Favreau; he tends to write immature men after all, seeing as his biggest success to date is Tony Stark. It was also a problem in the prequels where I constantly got the sense that Ewan McGregor was playing a very different character from the one Lucas had written and Sir Alex Guinness portrayed. I just wish we would have gotten more reasons for why Djarin acts so inconsistently and why he’s only impatient and inconsiderate when the plot needs him to be.

The rest of the episode is fine. I liked the dynamic between him and Kuili; Kuili himself is great character, a world weary man who has worked a lifetime for his freedom and has a deep understanding of the value of life, peace and even money. I honestly wish he was in the show more; the best scenes are the ones of him and Djarin interacting. The child was also adorable; trying to heal Djarin, protecting him from the mudhorn. It was a slow build to Djarin increasingly caring more and more about it, even though he has no idea what he’s doing.

A vast improvement over episode one, even though it’s not perfect.

Episode 3: The Sin

Episode 3 is written by John Favreau and directed by Deborah Chow. Djarin returns to Navaro and hands the child to the Imperials, getting a full payment of Beskar for his troubles. He asks what is to happen to the child, which is a violation of the Guild’s rules, and draws the suspicion of Karga and all the other bounty hunters. Djarin gets a new set of armour from the Armourer, as well as a new job from Karga. However he can’t make himself leave, and he returns to rescue the child just in time, as it is being experimented on. Every bounty hunter in Navaro attacks him, but the Tribe of Mandalorians come to his aid, and he shoots Karga before getting away.

This is probably my second favorite episode of the show; it was the point where things finally clicked and I got an idea of what the stakes and the story would be. It’s a little unfortunate that it took 3 episodes for that to happen, but it’s better late than never.

This episode brought in some more mystery about the child; we still know nothing about what it is or where it came from, other than it being around 50 years old. The Client very clearly wants the child dead, while Dr. Pershing, the collaborator wants it alive for some kind of experiment. The child really isn’t the focus in this story, even if it is what everyone wants and around which the plot revolves; the real focus is Djarin’s evolving relationship to the child and himself.

I think this was the best development Djarin got in the season (outside of the finale); we see his slow bonding to the child, feeling guilty and upset over handing it over. His relationship to the child mirrors his own past; he was a founding, the Mandalorians saved him from the Great Purge, and he already has a history of caring for foundlings, making sure all of his extra Beskar is given to them, and essentially following the Way so he can help more foundlings. Him giving the child away is a direct betrayal to his own sense of self, even if he is a loner who has no idea how to take care of another being, let alone a baby.

We learn too, in the scene I mentioned before that Djarin is an outsider even among the other Mandalorians. He isn’t liked or respected; he is made fun of and challenged by others who consider him a traitor or weak. Whether this is because he’s a foundling and thereby not a ‘true’ Mandalorian (which doesn’t really make much sense considering what we find out later) or his vocation/personality, it clearly affects him enough to act and live the way he does. His constant pretending that he is heartless is challenged both by Kuili and especially by the child, for which he’s willing to risk his life and the secrecy of the Tribe.

This is all basic stuff; none of this is groundbreaking, but it was still nice to see Djarin evolve as a character. If there is one theme in this show it’s fatherhood and community; Djarin needs people around him, he needs a clan, and this episode is the first step for him to accept that.

The rest of the episode was great; it had a nice pace, it was full of tension, I liked the Armourer who gets a bit more personality as well as Greef Karga, who I have a soft spot for, even if he betrays Djarin twice in this episode. The action scenes were well shot and choreographed, I loved the Mandalorians at the end and overall it’s a big step up from the previous 2 episodes, and definitely one of the better ones in the season.

Episode 4: Sanctuary

Episode 4 is written by John Favreau and directed by Bryce Dallas Howard. It’s also my favorite episode in the show.

In an attempt to get some heat off of him after Navaro, Djarin lands on Sorgan, a sparsely populated forest planet. He runs into an ex-rebel shocktrooper, Cara Dune, and gets approached by 2 farmers who need help in dealing with a gang of Klatoonian raiders. What the farmers neglect to mention is that the raiders have an AT-ST fighter, and Cara and Djarin have to quickly train the farmers to learn how to fight the raiders. After freeing the village, Djarin contemplates leaving the child with Omera, whom he has some chemistry with, but a bounty hunter tracking the child arrives and tries to murder it, at the last moment stopped by Cara. Realizing that as long as the Client is hiring bounty hunters, the child will never be safe, Djarin leaves the planet.

I love this episode; it’s the perfect mix of humor and serious action, it has excellent character writing and pacing and it’s a complete story. It’s up there with some of the best Rebels and Clone Wars episodes and I wish the rest of the series was of this calibre.

One issue that I haven’t yet mentioned, was that many people didn’t like that in episodes 1-3, the only female speaking roles was the Armourer, and there were few to no female characters even as extras in the background. I could somewhat excuse that in 1 and 2, since a lot of those episodes were following Djarin alone in deserts and caves, but in 3 I was starting to get annoyed too. The Armourer is cool and important as a character, but she is a tertiary supporting character at best. So it took 4 episodes to get some women in this show, and thank god they are all great.

Cara Dune is absolutely flawless; I loved that she was a rebel shocktrooper, I loved her relationship with Djarin and sparring partners and quick friends who shared a lot of experiences by virtue of living through the war. She is competent, looks powerful, is noble and stoic while still having a lot of personality in her limited dialogue. It takes her no time to start making fun of Djarin’s dumb decisions, and I love that for her.

Omera is the opposite; she is quiet, kind and secretive. She has a lot of knowledge and understanding and clearly has a past involving trauma, but we never have to see it; it’s her acting and dialogue that captures it perfectly. She is intuitive, picks up on Djarin’s insecurities and worries about the child and his choices, and the chemistry between them felt natural, even if they don’t spend a lot of time together.

Unfortunately, this episode also starts my second big problem with Djarin, which I’ll call, wait were Mandalorians always like this?

First off, I had no idea Mandalorians can’t take their helmet off. The characters in both Rebels and Clone Wars take their helmets off all the time, especially when they are around family and friends; they only really keep them on when in battle or around enemies. Even in the prequels Jango takes the helmet off.

At first I thought they aren’t supposed to let anyone take the helmet off, as in without their consent like in battle. That’s when they get disgraced and can never put it back on. But no, apparently it’s ever, under any circumstances. Really? Like they can never let their loved ones see their face? How does that make any sense?

I saw people comparing the helmets to head scarves, like hijabs or nqabs, but people can take those off you know? When women are at home, and in front of their partners and families and female friends. They don’t wear the scarves forever, even at their own house!

Which makes me wonder, do Mandalorians not have partners or kids? Even if we follow the stupid retcon (which we’ll talk about) from this show, and Mandalore isn’t a people but a creed, that would imply that all the Mandalorians are foundlings. But if that’s true, than why is Djarin treated like an outsider, and so insistent on helping the foundlings if all Mandalorians are foundlings? And even if that’s the case, there’s no mention of Mandalorians being like Jedi, and being banned from having partners and children.

If they can have partners and children how does that work? Outside of the obvious, how do you have sex in armour (unless it’s just the helmet and the rest of the armour is irrelevant), do their partners and kids never see their face? Or is it that once you find a partner you take the helmet off and never put it back on? Or do not all Mandalorians follow the Way and the ones who don’t are the ones who marry and have kids?

None of that makes ANY sense, and I hope that they explain it at least a little in season 2, because as is, it’s not only dumb, but it also contradicts everything we know about Mandalorians from other Star Wars properties.

Outside of that, everything else this episode was great. The action was fun, the dialogue was funny, I liked the training montage, I liked Cara and Djarin’s fight, I liked the child being a child, the conclusion to the story, everything. It’s the best episode of the season, and unfortunately, only the season finale comes close to it.

Episode 5: The Gunslinger

Episode 5 is written and directed by Dave Filoni. While leaving Sorgan, Djarin is attacked by a bounty hunter and during their battle, Djarin’s ship gets damaged. He’s forced to make a pit-stop on Tatooine, where he leaves his ship for repairs with Peli Moto. To pay for the repairs he takes a job with Toro Calican, an aspiring bounty hunter who is tracking Fennec Shard, a notorious assassin. If he catches her he can enter the Guild and Djarin can keep all the money. However, things aren’t ever easy, especially after Toro learns that Djarin and the child are worth a lot more to the Guild than Fennec herself.

This episode is about the same quality as episode 1, but it suffers from a different kind of issues. The pacing is much better, and there is some actual tension while Toro and Djarin try to find and catch Fennec. However, after everything in 3 and 4 this feels like pure and simple filler. In an 8 episode season, that’s inexcusable. Making a pitstop on Tatooine accomplishes nothing, it’s just fan-service; there isn’t even character development for Djarin; he ends the episode exactly as he started it.

Fennec Shard is a waste of character and a waste of Ming Na Wen. The marketing for this show made it seem like she would play this massive, important role, but all she does here is shoot at Djarin, get her ass kicked, make an incredible rookie mistake in telling Toro all she knows about Djarin and then gets killed. Even if she’s not dead by the time season 2 rolls around, nothing about her character interests me; for a super assassin who worked for the biggest criminal guilds in the galaxy, she gets taken down by a rookie bounty hunter who can’t shoot straight.

Toro likewise was a wasted character. In a way I see what Filoni was maybe trying to do with him; if Djarin had treated him better and with a little more respect, Toro wouldn’t have turned on him, except the way it came off is that Djarin was right to treat him like shit, because Toro betrayed him when he realized he could use Djarin to get into the Guild. So what was the point?

Peli was adorable and actually had the strongest character arc in that she started the show with wanting to charge Djarin extra for the child, only to fall in love with it by the end, and treat it like her own baby. It was cute and funny, but it wasn’t worth a whole episode. If this was an episode in a longer series I’d have no issue with it; as is it just broke the flow of the show and achieved nothing.

Episode 6: The Prisoner

Episode 6 is written by Chris Yost and Rick Famuyiva and directed by Rick Famuyiva. It’s also my least favorite episode of the season.

Needing credits, Djarin accepts a job with a former crew mate, Ran, who wants him, a former Imperial sharpshooter Mayfield, brawler Burg, droid pilot Q9-0 (Zeroes) and his ex-girlfriend Xian to break a prisoner out of a New Republic droid-manned prison transport. Tensions in the crew are high, and escalate after Xian ends up killing a human pilot on board the transport who activates a New Republic beacon. The crew trap Djarin in the prisoner’s cell (the prisoner being Xian’s brother Qin, who Djarin helped put in jail), and Djarin takes the crew members out one by one, until it’s just him and Qin. He gets Qin back to Ren and as Qin is about to go after him, New Republic X-Wings, following the beacon Djarin placed on Qin arrive and destroy the station.

I can see what this episode is going for; it’s a Cowboy Bebop style, space western, and again, in theory, there’s nothing wrong with Djarin joining his old crew for a job and things going south. It could have been a character building moment, to see how far Djarin has come, from associating with dishonest killers and thieves, to hunting bounties for the New Republic. But even more than the previous episode, this one is filler, and it’s made worse by some truly bizarre casting choices and dialogue, as well as a bewildering ‘twist’ at the end.

Let’s start with the twist. Why would Ren PAY Djarin, let him leave, THEN send Qin after him? It’s not a Guild job, clearly, seeing as Djarin has been barred from the Guild and they are breaking into a freaking New Republic prison, so why wouldn’t they just… shot him as he’s on the platform and let his body fall into space? Answer? Because I guess it looked cooler this way.

Second, the crew. God I found most of these people insufferable. Mayfield was a cartoon character; he kept wildly flip flopping between bad-ass villain and incompetent comic relief, and I couldn’t tell if his goading of Djarin to take off his helmet was supposed to sound like he was hitting on Djarin, or they just didn’t realize it? It reminded me of John Cena’s character in Trainwreck, and I don’t think it was supposed to be a callback.

Then we have Zeroes and Burg who are completely nondescript bad guys (although considering how bad of a pilot Djarin is I was glad to see some good piloting for a change). Xian was a can of worms I’m not sure I even want to unpack. First, why give her and Qin Chinese names, but have white actors play them? Second when are we going to stop with the all Twi’leks are sexualized perverts/slaves/are completely insane? I thought the whole point of Disney taking over the SWU was to eliminate this kind of racist and sexist shit, and yet here I am again, in 2019 forced to watch this horribly written fetish-fulfillment on my TV.

I hated Xian as a character more than I’ve hated anything else in a while, and that’s saying something, because I’ve seen TLJ.

There were some good bits in this episode; the child hiding around the ship from Zeroes, and thinking he killed him with the force; Djarin asking the pilot for his name and trying to diffuse the situation; thinking to put the tracker on Qin. Even the concept itself was good, and I wouldn’t mind the same episode just with characters that are actually interesting, instead of all these insufferable stereotypes. The show really drops the ball with these 2 episodes, so I was honestly glad I only had the finale left.

Episode 7: Reckoning

Episode 7 is written by John Favreau and directed by Deborah Chow. Djarin gets a message from Greef who has survived their last encounter; he wants the Client gone so the Imperials who have taken over Navaro leave, and Djarin wants the bounty hunters to stop coming after him, so he accepts, and recruits Cara and Kuili to help. Kuili insist on bringing along the reprogrammed IG-11, who is now a nurse droid.

The group meets Greef and two bounty hunters and as they head back to the town, they get attacked by Mynocks. The child heals a wounded Greef, and he kills the two bounty hunters, who were there to help him betray Djarin. They devise a plan; Cara is to pretend she captured Djarin and the child, while Kuili takes the child back to the Djarin’s ship and barricades himself inside. Unfortunately, the Imperials sense the betrayal, Kuili is killed and the child taken, just as Moff Gideon arrives with a platoon of death troopers and kills everyone inside the compound including the Client.

I liked this episode though it is a bit uneven. The first half is spent with Djarin recruiting Cara and Kuili, while the latter is a rather tense standoff with the Client and subsequently Gideon. I liked that we got Cara and Kuili back, enjoyed the tension between Kuili who used to build Imperial weapons and Cara who fought for the Resistance.

What I didn’t like so much was the child randomly being jealous of Cara? Like he tries to crash the ship when she and Djarin are bonding over weapons, and then tries to choke her?

This is sort of a bigger problem for the show. We are 7 episodes in and we still know nothing about the child; we don’t know it’s species, why it is force sensitive, why the Imperials are after it, or even why it seems to randomly switch personalities. My further question is who exactly are the people after him? By this time, the First Order should already exist, especially if this takes place after the battle of Aquila, so is the Client First Order? Or Palpatine’s goon? Unaffiliated?

There is an extended montage that shows how Kuili reprogrammed and taught IG to be a nurse droid which was sweet, but wasn’t really necessary; I find it funny that this montage is longer than both the training section in ep. 4 and Djarin learning to ride in ep. 1.

The ending was appropriately a cliffhanger and I hate that they ended up killing Kuili’s character off; it was clear it would happen, especially after his fight with Cara, but it still sucks that they did it. I also didn’t like that they wasted the Client; he could have been a really interesting villain and Herzog is an excellent actor, but they never gave him a chance to do anything.

An objectively good episode, but not my favorite. I felt that more time could have been spent on building up Moff Gideon and the Client than Mynock attacks and training montages.

Episode 8: Redemption

Episode 8 is written by John Favreau and directed by Taika Waititi. After being captured by stormtroopers waiting for the order to bring the child into town, IG rescues it and shoots up Moff Gideon’s platoon. Gideon in return threatens the group to surrender, calling each member by name, which shocks Djarin because the only people who know his name would have died or at least been on his home planet during the Great Purge.

Gideon injures Djarin who tells the others to use the underground tunnels to get help and/or escape. IG stays with him, convincing him to remove his helmet to administer bacta to his head injury. In the tunnels the group finds the Armourer alone, as all other Mandalorians have been killed or escaped and she gives Djarin a jet-pack and his signet; a clan of two. She ordains the child a foundling and in accordance with the Way makes Djarin responsible for keeping it safe and returning it to its people.

The group uses an underground lava river to escape, and IG self-destructs to take out the ambushing stormtroopers. Gideon attacks them in his TIE fighter, and using the jet-pack Djarin manages to knock him down. The group says farewell, with Cara staying behind with Greef to help rebuild Navaro, while Djarin and the child leave. Gideon, having survived the crash uses the Darksaber to cut himself out of the fallen TIE and the season ends.

This is my second favorite episode behind Sanctuary; it’s action packed, tense and full of Waititi’s recognizable humor. The opening scene alone had me in stitches; that is by far the best use of stormtroopers in any Star Wars media, outside of that First Order SNL skit with Adam Driver.

We learn a decent amount in this episode; first that the Empire still has pockets of powerful followers, that Gideon and Djarin have some kind of past, that Gideon wants the child and most importantly that he has darksaber. How he has it we don’t know; he either took it from Kryze or is himself a Mandalorian.

Now, we get to the second wait, were Mandalorians always like this? I thought that the Mandalorians were a warrior race, but according to Waititi, they are a creed. This… doesn’t make sense. Why was there a civil war between the different clans? Why are there foundlings and not? How does one become a member of this creed, do you have to be a foundling? Or do you just have to follow the Way? Do all Mandalorians follow the Way? If anyone can be a Mandalorian if they follow the Way, then why can’t the child? I didn’t realize the foundlings also have to be Spartan-strong or else they don’t count.

Then we get to the helmet thing. Now, no LIVING being can see their face, so this confirms that not even their partner and children can see their face. WHY? What purpose does this serve? Why make it this dramatically ridiculous? I guess cause they liked the line ‘I’m not a living being’.

Waititi really enjoys taking established properties and spinning them on their head; in Thor Asgard was no longer a place, but a people, here Mandalorians aren’t a race they are the followers of a creed. But that doesn’t make sense if this creed has no rules or hs arbitrary rules that keep changing.

The rest of the episode was fine. Jrin completes his arc, but getting attached too IG, enough to be sad when IG self-destructs. I liked how insistent Cara was in saving him; a very soldier thing to do, and in general their friendship is excellent. I really hope this isn’t the last we see of her. The humor was also excellent, as it always is with Waititi and it was a good way to end the season.

Concluding Thoughts:

I feel like I always come off more negative than I mean to in all of my reviews, but it’s just because there are only so many ways I can say I liked this, this was well done, I loved this. I did I really enjoy this season; I can safely say that I love all the characters, Djarin and the child especially, I am very curious to learn more about Moff Gideon and his hipster top knot and I hope Cara Dune and Fennec Shard come back and have more to do.

I don’t have any theories about what the child is; I’ve heard people say that it’s a reincarnation of Yoda, that it’s the Force itself in a body (like Anakin, but double), that it’s a clone of Yoda from either the Clone Wars or even Palpatine’s experiments.

Personally, I’m more interested in learning more about Djarin, and how Bobba Fett ties in with his past considering it was his signet that Djarin gave to the child at the end. I also would like to visit or revisit some more worlds; perhaps see some worlds from the books like Aquila. There are rumours that characters like Lando and Ahsoka Tano might make an appearance, and while that would be neat, I don’t necessarily mind the lack of Jedi in the show.

As for the people working on the show, I think each director brought something to the table. I would love for Deborah Chow, Bryce Dallas Howard and Taika Waititi to return in season 2, though I’ve also heard Waititi is getting his own show.

Them’s my thoughts. If you got to the end, thank you for reading, and I might be back quite soon, because I would like to re-watch the Clone Wars before season 8 comes out later this year.

#the mandolarian #star wars #sw the mandalorian #moni talks #the mandalorian review

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