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#then I realized my perspective is wrong for what I wanted
peepeepy · 3 days
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a lot of people who've watched gravity falls think that stanford is unsympathetic or a bad character, and most of the people who dont think that think stanford is at least selfish and flawed, which i can't really refute, but it always made me feel so awful, and i never realized why until now.
if you look at stanford pines as an allegory for a child with a developmental disability like autism or a "gifted kid", then a lot of the pieces start to fall together.
⚠️spoilers for gravity falls, the website, and maybe a bit of the book of bill⚠️
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stanford pines was born with an "extra finger", a symbol for a disability. for a while, everyone thought it was a flaw. he was teased and shunned by his peers,
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but then, people began to notice his genius. it even says on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, when you enter "sixer" or "stanford", that he has a "hyper-ability", something many people will say about "gifted" autistic people.
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as soon as people started to point this out, everything felt like it made sense to ford. as a person who grew up with autism, i can relate to feeling alienated from my peers, and wondering "why? why, in a world made for normal people, was i made wrong?"
that kind of thought can lead to a sort of delusion.. that maybe you were destined for something great. maybe you were different because one day you would use it to change the world. i believe this is the way ford felt when he was approached by bill
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bill came to ford and told him everything he'd ever wanted to hear.. that this feeling was real. that he was destined for greatness. that he was better, smarter, more special than the ones who had shunned him.
bill told ford that building the portal would make him a hero, make people finally see him as more than an extra finger. the one problem?
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bill was a liar.
he used ford's selfish thoughts to trick him into making a gateway that would end the world. he used the years of mockery, the alienation, the loneliness, and he came to ford when he was alone, trapped, with nowhere to go.
he offered ford the opportunity to get back at a world that was built to knock him down at every turn, a world full of people who would never understand him. he offered to make ford a god.
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and ford refused
he refused, even in a world that had done nothing but tear him down, to hurt others just to feel better about himself. he only had a few people who had ever cared for him, and yet, he was willing to destroy his life's work to save everyone who had made him miserable.
remember, he fully intended to stay trapped in the portal for all of eternity. that's why he was so frustrated when stanley brought him back. what we saw as a heroic act from stanley, ford saw as stanley refusing the sacrifice he had made to save him. he didn't thank stanley because nobody thanked him. no one thanked him for his hard work or sacrifice or his years of suffering just to protect stanley.
that, of course, led to this scene, which many people saw as stanford's most frustrating moment.
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i think this post sums up really well why stanford, in this dire moment, would choose to insult his brother. because stanley was being selfish, too. stanley refused to help save the world, save his brother, all because ford never said "thank you."
they were both selfish. everyone is. they didn't fight because they were bad people, but because they both saw things from their own perspective. they were each hopelessly lonely without each other, but both too prideful to admit it.
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in the end, they make up, and both follow their true dream. not money, not fame, just staying together.
stanford pines is not a bad, unsympathetic character. he is a complex, misdirected, "gifted" child. his only flaw was not seeing that he wasn't alone. his family was right there to support him the whole time.
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vellichorom · 1 day
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I really like your headcanons for Cori and totally agree with them!
And if you don’t mind my asking, what did you dislike about the recent episodes of Chikn Nuggit? Because personally I dislike a lot of it too…the whole shift to lore has been kind of jarring for me and I also think things were resolved too easily.
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY!
& OMG THANK YOU FOR ASKING because god i've been pissed. with one episode they made me hate that stupid yellow dog
HERE'S THE THING, RIGHT. i don't even mind the shift from slapstick shenanigans in youtube short format to something that illustrates a bit more lore. in FACT, i thought the way they were going about it was very interesting! having chikn realize his ultimate power & being due to a moment of vulnerability & having been manipulated some by bezel therein,
however,
this is all cheezborger's fault. for some fucking stupid reason
LET'S BACK UP A MINUTE. cheezborger got the girl! she's all excited about it & prioritizing her girlfriend above all, as i think we all do when we're excited; we make whatever we're excited our entire worldview for a bit, it happens!
chikn, at least from my perspective, sees this - sees that all of his friends are busy doing stuff without him or have their " significant other " where he does not - with cheezborger, his best most important friend, caught up in the moment, & he feels left out. he feels like a " third wheel " &- with all of his friends occupied with something or someone else, he's all alone & feels bad. i've been there a few times, i get it. in that moment of vulnerability does bezel take advantage & PUSH chikn to realize his power & potential, to control his friends or control the world & make things how he wants them to be.
suddenly the plot goes from " chikn suffering from third wheel grief " to " chikn coming to terms with the fact that he's a god & his powers have unintendedly warped his friends. we're taking all the nonsense seriously suddenly " okay. interesting. so chikn ascends to god form & starts fucking up the whole world because he believes that's what he's MEANT to do. the conclusion of his spiraling is realizing that he was meant to cause chaos & rip apart the world? ok. i think we jumped a bit far, how & when did he decide that
now we're leaning really hard into the ' i have to do this because it's my DESTINY ' trope. okay. did you come to this conclusion after deciding you don't need your friends? or realizing that you're the god of everything & therefore such menial things don't matter? did bezel coach you more than we see through the shorts? i don't remember there being an episode dedicated to chikn's sudden snap of character, thus we just never find out where that leap in logic came from.
so the world's ending but fwench fwy & iscream manage to trap chikn for 5 seconds. chee intervenes & tries to get through to him, despite all his bullshit ramblings of " go away i'm a god this is my destiny, " this WORKS. chee pulls him from his divine spiral & all's fine now.
except chikn, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE MIND YOU - NOT IN PRIVATE, blames cheezborger for it. he's like " you ditched me & that wasn't very nice, you need to make time for all your friends "
LIKE OH OKAY. BUZZFEED YOU JUST KILLED THE VIBE.
cheezborger's excitement for her new girlfriend might have been the tipping point & the technical catalyst of this all, but not at any fault of her own. she did not do this maliciously or purposefully & i hate the way chikn says she " ditched " him. no she did not you horrible mutt she politely declined your offers to hang out because she was busy with her girlfriend, & YES IT CAN BE UPSETTING WHEN YOUR FRIEND CAN'T HANG WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY GET CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING THEY LIKE, BUT SHE DID NOT DITCH OR ABANDON YOU SHE JUST GOT BUSYYYY
it's circumstances. chee didn't do anything " wrong ", things just happened & chikn couldn't take being apart from his friend or not having what all his other friends had & downspiralled + got manipulated by bezel.
chee gets called out in PUBLIC for " ditching " chikn when she really didn't & this is turned into a big lesson about " managing all your friends " ( kiss my ass buzzfeed your usual social lessons aren't going to fly with this one ), in essence blaming chee for the apocalypse despite the initial start of the arc having gone unaddressed since the beginning.
OH & GET THIS, we blame chee for being excited but bezel, THE ONE PUSHING FOR TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD & ACTIVELY MANIPULATING CHIKN TO DO IT, gets a literal slap on the wrist chikn nor anybody else calls him out for being a gigantic prick, he's just like " i fowgive u let's be fwiends " & we leave it at that apparently. are you fucking for real. that straight up smells misogynistic & straight up shitty regardless. this COMING from the stupid little youtube shorts series all about validating everyone & equality & being kind to people too just feels a PARTICULAR kind of rancid.
& yeah whatever it's a rinkydink silly buzzfeed show where every character is named some woobified or joke rendition of a food product ( chikn nuggit, cheezborger, fwench fwy - so on ), BUT I FEEL LIKE THEY WERE DOING A VALUABLE SERVICE & DOING PRETTY GOOD FOR BEING A RINKYDINK SILLY YOUTUBE SHORTS SERIES !!!!! they had such good intentions & good lessons in mind...
& then this happens. it just puts SUCH a bad taste in my mouth now, you know? & it's honest to god so disappointing! & INFURIATING
that ending was a total BUST & relaying it back now, THE PLOT OF THAT ARC IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. it can't at all decide what the point of itself was & ended SO poorly. i'll forgive the pacing because this is a youtube shorts series MEANT to be done relatively quickly & chikn nuggit isn't necessarily a show you're going to expect a masterpiece of, right. it's endearingly imperfect
but god that ending. this entire arc. fuck it all man fuck that dog
oh wow i wrote down a lot but YEAH. VERY UPSETTING. hopefully this was an entertaining read or i just look insane to my friends
THANK YOU FOR ASKING! been LOOKING for an excuse to be upset on main
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yellobb · 1 year
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“Nothing lasts forever….”
Day 2 - Spiders
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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🕸️
#yeah so the problem is that ... i fuck things up :(((#i know that i mattered to him i felt that he cared and that i was important#like honestly it's one of the few times i've ever felt it#but then comes the fucking bpd and avpd insecurity#like if i just one time perceive that oh im annoying#then i just pull back and think am i crazy why could anyone not think im annoying#even if i got reassurance multiple times i was like still .. it was still so hard for me#and like with everything i write on here it makes it seem like i dont care or dont value etc etc#also like :(( im not too fragile to hear abt problems or troubles. i make it seem like its that way#but i WANT to be here and listen to the person i care for. it's not too much for me and idk with how emotionally intense i am#idk how to show that... and im too scared of expressing positive emotions bc i fear being ridiculed by the universe#and it all gets so wrong bc he never made me feel ashamed or stupid or too much#he made me feel the opposite!!!! it was me who made it seem like i didnt care it was me who pulled back#it's so sad and frustrating bc the entire time i kept thinking to myself dont ruin this dont ruin this#be aware of the avpd symptoms and stop them pls dont ruin this#and i tried but in hindsight and with more context clues from the other perspective..#i realized that what i felt wasnt shown... :(((#so i am upset bc im not 'losing' someone (romantically) who doesnt value or care for me#it's someone who i did matter to who did care for me and want me#who i was too scared too fearful to be brave and show him and let him#god.. i hate myself so much!!!#and i do hate myself bc of this. bc it has happened before#it happened now with the most important person to me#and it will happen again#and idk.. bc my brain is also so stupid bc#NOW i know. now im not scared anymore with that person. but it's too late :c#(like i thought i shouldve given space but then i get anxious and i pull away too much and idk how to find the balance)
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burinazar · 7 months
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:( patheticposting
nearly literally reduced to tears rn by how overwhelmingly it feels like nobody cares what I make or like or think about and how meaningless any of my creativity and love and effort is
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giftedpoison · 9 months
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watching my sister outwardly preach morality and right vs wrong, not only to me in arguments about things that have nothing to do with her, but also on her social media page where she is very aggressive and vicious towards people who don't share her views or who she perceives to be inherently malicious, and rather than treat them with kindness she treats them with aggression.
meanwhile she has never done a deep reflection on what right vs wrong is, and clearly has a very black and white mentality about it that is inherently distorted because nothing is black and white.
and i refuse to even engage with it anymore because i'm not going to stand there and let someone scream at me and tell me she hopes i die for merely trying to point out her own hypocrisy.
like pick up a book on philosophy i beg of thee. and just sit with it. don't take it as a metric to lead your life by but take it as a theory to mull with and play with. for fucks sake watch The Good Place or The 100 if reading philosophy isn't your thing. or read the Vicious duology by V.E. Schwab, or read Tokyo Ghoul by Sui Ishida. or No Longer Human by Dazi or read anything that remotely discusses the complexities of feeling like a monster or being alienated in society/media about good vs evil. (my examples in media are thin, despite it being my favorite narrative device because i genuinely am blanking)
like learn that right and wrong is fluid and to not condemn people because they do something you personally wouldn't do. it is not your place to dictate how others live, and if you want people to grow to share your opinion you can't force them with vitriol and you most definitely won't be the deciding factor in why someone might come around to your belief system.
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longhandsart · 2 years
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There’s such a specific flavor of cartoon dude I owe my whole life to? Like okay Dipper, Hiccup, and Wirt did all of the heavy lifting for my Trans Realization. I have such an ultra specific way of relating to them that it’s like “wow they’re literally me” and also “i’m mourning the loss of a childhood where I could have been them” and it’s a very bittersweet thing. I watched all of these properties on repeat when I was a kid because I so clearly saw myself in them. That shit was magical and a little confusing for a long time, and now I kind of miss it so bad it hurts. Idk I’m sleep deprived and nostalgic rn.
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talking to a new person is kinda the best ngl :)
#her name is mikaaahh and shes very cute :>#mostly i just really like talking to her#shes good at conversating! better than you know who 👀#but she is also a hello kitty girly 😭#at least no ts mcr or fucking tEmPLuV#she just likes old pierce the veil and stuff which honestly so real#omg and she corchets which. so adorable 😭 shes gonna make a frog at some point and ive taken to calling it our frog#its crazy cause i thought i wouldnt be ready to talk to someone for a long time#but i realized i was totally checked out of my last relationship for like a full month before it ended 🙃#probably why the birthday went so bad 💀 like i didnt give a shit anymore at that point lmaoo#she wouldnt talk to me about anything no matter how awful she had been towards me#we only ever talked about what i supposedly did wrong and if i dared to point out how she contributed she would get PISSED#that i wasnt 'acknowledging her feelings' which is something i had to call her out for multiple times#even though i would apologize repeatedly tell her i will do my best to not do whatever it was that upset her again (existing wrong usually)#like i would forget to say bless you after she sneezed and she would give me the silent treatment for hours :)#and when i tried to explain how much that hurt me that there was seemingly nothing i could do but wait till SHE felt like talking#she would frame it as me getting upset at her for having a reaction at all. like she could react how ever she wanted#tell me to relapse and od or kms or call me insane or tell me she cheated on me (when she literally DIDNT) just to get under my skin#and that was justified cause her feelings were hurt! but if i gave her even a taste of how she treated me back#and were talking a TASTE. like barely 1% of how she would treat me if i did that back to her#she would LOSE HER MIND#throw my stuff insult me scream break stuff#one of our last fights she even hit me! like a bunch of times! after throwing cake all over my bed!#and this was after she made me a promise#one time when we argued i flinched cause she stepped toward me really fast and shed thrown stuff before so i was just preparing myself#and after that fight she PROMISED. PROMISED ME SHE WOULD NEVER GET PHYSICAL.#and what does she do?? punches me. slaps me. throws shit at me. refuses to leave my house. then when i finally calmed down refuses to stay.#like god when i put it in perspective im like HOW. DID I PUT UP WITH THAT.#and i apologized for the fight where SHE hit ME#im so. so glad. that i already have someone in my life showing me i deserve to be treated right. im so incredibly grateful.
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sereniv · 3 months
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apologies are hard and can be embarassing
but life is too short to let your grandma go to bed sad
#it wasnt a big bad deal#but i didnt listen and projected my guilt#i wanted to be angry and annoyed#but whats the point#is it really that important to feel right when youre actually wrong#to feel mighty bc youre less emotional than another person#its hard to swallow that pride and to admit you were wrong#but you never know if this moment is the last with that person#and putting in that perspective it makes it easy to say youre sorry#i sometimes forget this#something i learned very young after fighting with my mom and upon reflection realized i was wrong the whole time#ive always had this ability since then to swallow my pride almost immediately and jump straight to fixing what i did wrong#but then long story short i lost that ability when i learned the word 'no' for myself#i stopped paying attention and focused on only me#and sometimes i forget that this is not who i want to be. i forget to work on myself#im glad that i made myself apologize and im glad that i made sure i didnt apologize weakly#none of that 'im sorry you feel that way'#but id like to work on avoiding this all together. and thats hard for me. because it requires me to be aware like i used to#which for me is PTSD related. but i dont want to be on my deathbed recalling all the pointless times i doubled down#taking up time that could have been happy#people say its easy to be kind and it is but sometimes when youre guilty it feels good to give into your frustrations and get defensive#again nothing bad happened. i just told her i wanted to do the dishes. she was currently washing some and because of guilt#of my perception of what shes able to do i doubled down on me doing them instead of her even though she assured me she was able#i thought she was lying to me and she got upset. no yelling just not allowing her to do what little shes able#and not trusting her at her word. to be fair she does lie and will admit that she has- when doing things when i feel sick#even when i tell her that id rather choose what im able to do instead of her assuming. which is exactly what i did#me being a hypocrit. so yeah. not a great feeling on multiple levels of this scenario#but truly i need to remember to focus on what matters and that is just taking someones word for it while making sure they know they can#freely tell their feelings. meaning if shes doing the dishes and she says shes fine. let it be. and make sure she absolutely knows that when#i say im fine that i too am telling the truth
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yelloworangesoda · 5 months
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maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister
#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically#i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people#he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it#was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks#everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him#about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure#you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually#happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he#assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends#hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a#a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and#starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years#and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of#brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but#he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to#have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way#overprotective. yknow. he#ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting#a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault
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nezz-cringe-crib · 5 months
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growing up is realizing that dipcifica was actually a pretty damn good ship and holy shit i totally misjudged this pairing.
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i never really liked dipcifica mainly because of how it got represented by the fandom, but looking back on it, it would've made a lot of sense and it would've been beneficial for both of them to date each other. and even in a completely platonic sense, their dynamic worked well enough that they could've done a lot more together.
dipper is a very nerdy awkward guy, clearly. he likes solving mysteries and sometimes he gets a little in over his head because of it. and his silly little awkward teenage love life reflects all of these things. that little shrimp was disney's #1 simp, it's actually insane. whenever he'd start to fall for a girl it'd end up going pretty terribly because he'd have no idea how to just act like himself and he'd also become a little bit of a jerk. (i'm not trying to like dog on dipper btw. he's just a kid and these are all understandable flaws, especially at his age and at the time period gravity falls took place in). however, with pacifica, a lot of these flaws are manageable solely because of how they're introduced to each other. dipper hates pacifica at first and wants nothing to do with her, but eventually they're forced to work together and realize "huh. we actually make a really good team." for dipper, this gradual building of a relationship is really beneficial to him. he wouldn't just go head-first into simping for some random girl and he'd also learn to respect her as a person and realize when he's being a little bit of a dick. being with pacifica, platonically or romantically (though personally i think romantically would strengthen their pros more but thats just my personal taste), would've helped dipper become a better person.
this goes for pacifica as well. pacifica's homelife is extremely controlling and it's what groomed her into becoming the mean girl that she's first presented as. as the show continues though, it's clear that she doesn't really want to be mean to anybody. she only acts spoiled because she doesn't know what else she can act like. she wants to connect to people but she's been so forced into this fake rich life that she has no idea how to be genuine with anybody. that's why her having a connection to dipper is so important. dipper is a little blunt, and he especially won't hide that from pacifica because he initially hates her and her family's lifestyle, so this'll eventually help pacifica realize "oh shit. i'm kind of a dick. my family are kind of huge dicks." and we do end up seeing this from her in "Northwest Mansion Mystery". she learns how to be herself, learns who "herself" even means, and learns to stand up for who she is when she figures that out. also pacifica's pretty damn smart???? especially socially???? she could absolutely help dipper do a lot of things when it comes to mystery solving, and with her status it'll most likely be things that dipper could never pull off and never even thought about because that's just what he's used to. they'd both end up learning a lot from each other because they'd be dragged into environments that they're not familiar with, but the other is. and their different perspectives/lifestyles would help the other view their environment in a new light.
not only is their relationship genuinely really beneficial to the both of them, but i also just know that their dialogue and scenes with each other would be so damn silly i can't not say yes to it anymore. i also just personally like headcanoning them both as bisexual so that's a plus for me.
anyways, tldr: i was wrong about dipcifica and its actually really good, i just think people should really analyze their relationship more since the way the fandom presents it (or how ive personally seen the fandom present it) is a little icky and shallow at least in my opinion. yay for dipcifica being silly little goobers :3
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years
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Redyed my hair (a slightly deeper pink shade but basically the same) and now I’m laying in bed thinking about all the ways I’ve changed who I am and what I believe over the years and I don’t recognize who I was when I was young but I sympathize with them even more than I ever thought I could I just don’t think of those pictures of me as actually being me because my mind has always been this and I’m sure years from now I won’t recognize myself now because obviously my mind has always been whoever I am then
#idk something about your mind maturing when you aren’t paying attention and then suddenly you feel like you’re twelve again from some stupid#memory and you’re struggling to even remember what it felt like to be in those shoes and you don’t know how much is repressing trauma and#how much is you smoking weed constantly and how much is you being depressed and so suicidal and mentally ill in your early teens that you#didn’t even bother to attempt to make memories so now anything you do remember drags you back to the worst depression of your life and you#forgot how bad it was until someone else brings it up and suddenly you’re that kid crying and hurting yourself and begging anyone to care#and being abandoned and laughed at and you feel like it will never end and then you open you’re eyes and it hasn’t been that way in years#and you’d struggle to even believe yourself because everyone else ignores the way they treated you growing up so now yoh internalize it and#assume you’re just crazy for these memories you have cause surely your family didn’t laugh at you sobbing surely they didn’t bandage your#self harm wounds and then sit you at the table and scream at you about homework and then your mother talks about her therapist and suddenly#having someone in her life to put your adhd in perspective and she realizes that maybe there were reasons you were struggling other than#being lazy but she never apologized she still doesn’t apologize and you don’t bring it up you don’t tell her you remember but the silence#between you is deafening and you can both tell you’re forgetting something and you don’t know what the other person doesn’t know#haha yeah anyways#my mothers therapy is going good and she’s finally realizing that her kid and her husband had very similar adhd patterns that affected their#entire lives and we’re not as visible and her sons adhd patterns where he was more hyperactive#like I’m happy she’s learning to deal with all this shit but now that she’s in therapy and talking about all these things with me growing up#while somehow not at all talking about all the bad shit it makes me feel like she doesn’t even know she did anything wrong and I don’t want#her to feel worse about it rn cause there’s nothing she can do and we’ve moved past it but like I still can’t cry in front of people without#this deep pit of self hatred and thinking someone’s going to laugh at me when I show real emotions so I keep it all inside until I explode#but yeah at least she feels better about herself now#like legit I am happy for her and I don’t want to make her therapy about me but like god damn woman just admit anything you did and apologiz#so I know that you know it wasn’t the right thing to do#acknowledge that you hurt and scarred me so I won’t feel so fucking crazy all the time#I got kind of poetry ish in the middle there but I went back to being bitchy ranty soon enough so now I’m gonna go smoke real weed and try#to sleep without thinking thoughts or using my brain for anything other than bodily functions
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jessica-problems · 4 months
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Seeing @thydungeongal constantly wrestling with people interpreting her posts about D&D in ways that seem completely alien to me has convinced me that there are actually multiple completely distinct activities both being referred to as "playing D&D" Before we begin, I want to stress that I'm not saying one of these groups is Playing The Game Wrong or anything, but there seems to be a lot of confusion and conflict caused by people not being aware of the distinction. In fact, either one works just fine if everyone's on the same page. So far, I think I've identified at least two main groups. And nobody seems to realize the distinction between these groups even exists. The first group of people think of "Playing D&D" as, well, more or less like any other board game. Players read the whole rulebook all the way through, all the players follow the instructions, and the gameplay experience is determined by what the rules tell each player to do. This group thinks of the mechanics as, not exactly the *whole* game, but certainly the fundamental skeleton that everything else is built on top of. People in the second group think of "Playing D&D" as referring to, hanging out with their friends, collaboratively telling a story inspired by some of the elements in the rulebooks, maybe rolling some dice to see what happens when they can't decide. This group thinks of the mechanics of the game as, like... a spice to sprinkle on top of the story to mix things up. (if you belong to this second group, and think I'm explaining it poorly, please let me know, because I'm kind of piecing things together from other people saying things I don't understand and trying to reverse engineer how they seem to be approaching things.) I think this confusion is exacerbated by the fact that Wizards of the Coast markets D&D as if these are the same thing. They emphatically are not. the specific rules laid out of the D&D rulebooks actually direct players to tell a very specific kind of story. You can tell other stories if you ignore those rules (which still counts as "playing D&D" under the second definition, but doesn't under the first)And I think people in both groups are getting mad because they assume that everyone is also using their definition. For example, there's a common argument that I've seen play out many times that goes something like this:
A: "How do I mod D&D to do [insert theme here]?" B: "D&D is really not built for that, you should play [other TTRPG] that's designed for it instead" A: "But I don't want to learn a whole new game system!" B: "It will be easier to just learn a whole new system than mod D&D to do that." A: "whatever, I'll just mod D&D on my own" And I think where this argument comes from is the two groups described above completely talking past each other. No one understands what the other person is trying to say. From A's perspective, as a person in the second group, it sounds like A: "Anyone have some fun inspirations for telling stories about [insert theme here]?" B: "You can't sit around a table with your friends and tell a story about that theme! That's illegal." A: "But we want to tell a story about this theme!" B: "It's literally impossible to do that and you're a dumb idiot baby for even thinking about it." A: "whatever, jerk, I'll figure it out on my own."
--- Whereas, from B's perspective, the conversation sounds like A: "How do I change the rules of poker to be chess, and not be poker?" B: "uhhh, just play chess?" A: "But I already know how to player poker! I want to play poker, but also have it be chess!" B: "what the hell are you talking about? What does that even mean. They're completely different games." A: "I'm going to frankenstein these rules together into some kind of unplayably complex monster and you can't stop me!" ---
So both people end up coming away from the conversation thinking the other person is an idiot. And really, depending on how you concieve of what it means to "play D&D" what is being asked changes considerably. If you're only planning to look through the books for cool story inspiration, maybe borrow a cool little self contained sub-system here or there, then yeah, it's very possible to steal inspiration for your collaborative story from basically anywhere. Maybe some genres are kind of an awkward fit together, but you can make anything work with a little creativity.
If, however, you are thinking of the question in terms of frankensteining two entire board games together, then it becomes a massively difficult or even outright nonsensical idea. For example, for skill checks, the game Shadowrun has players roll a pool of several d6 at once, then count up how many rolled above a target value to see how well a character succeeded at a task. The whole game is full of specific rules about adding or removing dice from the pool, effects happening if you roll doubles, rerolling only some of the dice, and all sorts of other things that simply do not translate to rolling a single d20 for skill checks. On a basic level, the rules of the games work very differently. Trying to make them compatible would be much harder than just learning a new game from scratch. Now, neither of these approaches is exactly *wrong*, I guess, but personally, I find the rules of TTRPGs to be fascinating and worth taking the time to engage with all the weird little nuances and seeing what shakes out. Also, the first group, "TTRPG as fancy board game" is definitely the older and more widespread one. I kind of get the impression that the second group largely got into D&D through actual play podcasts, but I don't have any actual data to back that up. So, if you're in the second group, who thinks of D&D as basically a context for collaborative storytelling first and a game second, please let me know if I'm wildly misunderstanding how you approach D&D. Because I'm pretty sure it would save us a whole lot of stupid misunderstandings.
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ahaura · 11 months
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i saw someone point out the frequency with which liberals back social justice movements... how, for instance, when ferguson happened under obama it was not popular and there were many, many liberals who found the blm movement, in a sense, "in violation of [liberal] sensibilities" (when liberalism as a rule does not challenge the status quo, only maintains it and sees any call for revolution or real change as disruptive or 'bad for optics' and therefore not acceptable) but then when trump became president and he opposed blm a lot more liberals decided that the blm movement had merit because they viewed it from a team-sports perspective rather than a worldview based on morals and an understanding of the systems in place in the U.S. - that it was more comfortable for them to operate from a "trump bad" basis rather than "the american justice system and the police are inherently white supremacist, which are inherently, automatically, and always violent"
+ that, if trump was president while israel is carrying out its genocide, liberals would have NO problem denouncing israel and demanding for a ceasefire because they're comfortable operating from the 2-party system basis, NOT from a framework based on material conditions or factors or any acknowledgement or analysis of imperialism, colonialism, or capitalism. but because biden is a democrat, and democrats are supposed to be "the decent party" "the lesser evil" "more respectable" when, in functionality - in real practice, they don't want to disrupt the status quo. (internally, maintaining systems of white supremacy and capitalism; externally, furthering U.S. imperialism by maintaining hegemony and continuing the practice of exploitation and extraction of labor+capital+resources from the global south)
which is why we're here, a month into a genocide, and liberals are so cowardly and gutless that, in the face of our democrat president allowing and funding the genocide of palestinians in order for the U.S. to maintain its military base in the middle east, liberals IMMEDIATELY jump to "well, you HAVE to vote for him still, because trump will be worse!" and go "well im powerless there's nothing i can do", immediately folding like a wet paper bag in the face of the american empire rearing its ugly head in the most blatant, naked way in years, instead of thinking "this is unacceptable, i should pressure my elected officials and do everything i can - be it combating propaganda, contacting my congresspeople or senators, protesting, or engaging in direct action - to ensure this stops as quickly as possible".
there are liberals STILL IN MY NOTIFICATIONS who go "well you'll be electing a fascist if you vote for trump" not realizing that YOU CAN'T SIMPLY VOTE FASCISM AWAY. (which is not to say you should vote for republicans; that's not what i'm saying. none of us have said it.) we're pretty much already there. it's 2003 all over again, with the patriot act and all. the american war machine is pumping out racist, orientalist, pro-colonial, pro-genocide propaganda on behalf of the ethno-state america and its allies have backed since the so-called state's inception. people are being doxxed, fired, harassed, and attacked for visibly supporting palestine/opposing israel. islamophobic hate crimes are on the rise; a 6 year old boy was murdered not one month ago, an arab doctor in texas was stabbed to death. antisemitism is on the rise as well, thanks to the conflation of antisemitism with anti-zionism (which nazis have and will attempt to co-op in order to 'justify' + then act on their antisemitism, racism, and genocidal worldviews). our government is silencing people, brutalizing protestors, and arming and funding an ethno-state committing genocide - everything that would have been called fascist if it was under trump. but because it's a *democrat* liberals place "vote blue no matter who" and "optics" over the extremely basic moral stance that "genocide is wrong and people have the right to self-determination, autonomy, and life". arabs and muslims are already so dehumanized in the west that liberals (whether they consider themselves liberals or not) consider it an inconvenience to talk about the ongoing genocide that is happening with the blessing of OUR government. in this they expose their selfishness, the shallowness of their morals, their chauvinism, and their racism/orientalism/islamophobia/et cetera.
for example, if you see israeli troops waving a gay pride flag and the israeli state touting its support of gay people while said iof soldiers are murdering men, women, and children en masse every single day and you somehow????? think that because gay people are the ones doing the killing or a state claims to support gay people is doing the killing is ok then 1) you have fallen for pinkwashing propaganda and 2) that you find the murder of palestinians, or any people, permissible by a colonial force that uses causes liberals may genuinely care about in order to disguise, whitewash, or "lessen" the severity of the injustices it does unto usually black and brown people outside of the U.S., then you are just as bloodthirsty and depraved as anyone you would personally assign those descriptors of.
once again, it goes back to resorting to a team-sport understanding of the world rather than approaching it from a material one.
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st4rpiece · 9 days
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sleeping separately after an argument pt. 2
SFW
characters: mihawk, crocodile, and buggy x fem! reader summary: how cross guild would react to you sleeping alone after an argument CW: mainly fluff, slight angst others: not proofread, lowercase intended, and pictures found on pinterest
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Dracula Mihawk
mihawk is known for his stoic and composed demeanor. however, an argument that leads to you sleeping in the guest bedroom would shake his calm exterior. mihawk values control and precision, not just on the battlefield but also in his personal life. The argument would leave him feeling a sense of imbalance, disrupting the harmony he strives to maintain.
initially, he would analyze the argument with the same meticulousness he applies to his swordsmanship. he would replay the conversation, seeking to understand your perspective and where he might have gone wrong. he would be restless and his castle, usually a sanctuary of peace, would start to feel unusually empty and cold.
his conclusion? being right wasn't worth you being upset and distant with him. especially not when it meant sleeping alone.
"dear?" his voice uncharacteristically gentle as he enters the room.
"I would save this for the morning, but that would not sleeping in your arms tonight," he says, kneeling beside the bed and lifting you up bridal style. his actions catching you by surprise as you subconsciously wrap your arms around his neck for support.
"you can tear me a new one in the morning," he jokes (something he rarely did), before placing a gentle kiss on your forehead as he made his way back to your shared room.
Sir Crocodile
crocodile would initially react to an argument and subsequent separation with a sense of indifference. or at least that's how it looks on the surface. the argument would leave him brooding as he is not one to easily admit fault, and his pride would make it difficult for him to do so immediately.
he would spend the first half of the night in his office, surrounded by the trappings of his power, telling himself that you'd get over it soon.
as the night wore on, your lack of presence would make him realize that you weren't going to get over it soon. and by this point, he has had enough. he would make his way to the guest bedroom. without even bothering to knock, he would burst through the door, staring down your curled-up form. a pang of guilt would run down his spine as he looked at you.
"when are you coming to bed?" his voice rough, a complete contrast to the worry in his eyes and the guilt that he felt. he already knew the answer, so when you don't respond he would just lift you up, throwing you over his shoulder before landing a firm slap on your ass.
"you're mad? fine, be mad, but be mad in our room," he says sternly as he walks back to your shared room.
Buggy the Clown
buggy with his flamboyant and often comical personality would react to an argument with you more dramatically. the idea of you sleeping separately would initially infuriate him causing his pride and insecurities to flare up.
he would spend the initial moments of the separation grumbling and throwing a minor tantrum to anyone who could listen, convinced that he was right (he wasn't). however, as the night wore on, his anger would give way to the loneliness and regret he felt.
he would pace outside you door, muttering to himself as he debates whether to knock or not. not sure if you even wanted to see him after what he has done.
she's probably waiting, arms wide open, for me
or maybe she's packing her bags finally tired of my antics
oh nika i hope it's not that
in the end, he would knock on the door and try putting on a confident front even though he's low-key expecting you to ignore him. so when the door opens, the first thing you are greeted with is a shocked buggy, making another one of his goofy faces. this subconsciously cracks you up unknowingly breaking the ice for him.
"sugar! oh, how i've missed you," he would immediately pull you into a tight hug. and without much of a warning, he would start word-vomiting his apologies.
"i'm so sorry about my actions from earlier sugar and i’m sorry for being so stubborn about it. I understand now that i went too far and that i should’ve acknowledged that instead of arguing with you. but i promise that it won't ever happen again. so please forgive me this once, sugar?"
you don’t have it in you to send him away after all that so instead you would simply pull him into the room before turning and going back to bed this time with him following suit.
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part 1
hi guys! thanks again for reading, this is the second part and honestly the last, for op at least. buggy was surprisingly the easiest to write while mihawk was the hardest TvT. hopefully i did them all justice tho!!
i have a few ideas of what i want to write but if you have any suggestions for plot or character please let me know, i’m open to any ideas :).
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