#then i finally finally get to the end and stentor tells me to just kill him and im like NO BITCH!!!!!!!!

[sunlightontheseaa]

Getting pretty close to the end of odyssey I feel, and jfc the shit i have to go through to keep my idiot asshole brothers alive.

The whole second encounter with Stentor I was like... It's rotten work. Especially to me, especially if it's you. I'll do it but christ alive

And Alexios. Jfc where do I even begin. Im like, you're gonna be my fuckin friend whether you like it or not idc. I love you bitch, die mad about it!

I am dragging everyone kicking and screaming into being a family and it's pretty funny

[alethiometry]

thinkin about an alternate take on odyssey’s cult of kosmos storyline that may culminate in a blatant ripoff of valhalla but bear with me here lmao

instead of deimos continually antagonizing you the entire game as you try desperately to convince them that the cult is simply using them, deimos is actively trying to recruit you to fight alongside them. you are both demigods descended from sparta’s greatest hero, two sides of the same coin, etc. etc. as you go around killing cultists you get those cutscenes where each cultist gets to have one final say (just like all the other ac games) and while many joined and profited from the war for selfish reasons, there are enough of those who had lofty ideals that maybe you start to see that the two warring nations are both truly broken beyond repair. people are suffering because of the war, and for every callous profiteer that joined the cult to make a quick buck there’s also someone who joined just to survive, or because if you can’t beat em, join em -- at the least, they could then maybe stand a chance at protecting the people they love, even if it means others will have to pay that price. that’s just the way the world works, right?

and so after the battle of amphipolis and after killing the rest of the cult, you return to the cave of gaia in delphi and find not only deimos but also the ghost of kosmos down there, in front of the pyramid. deimos is still nursing his wounds from where kleon shot him, and the ghost finally unveils herself. both get their villain-y monologues about how it’s all for the greater good, everyone who died along the way was sacrificing themselves for a better world and the world will remember what they did -- but that will only happen if you join them. if you’re there to make sure they mattered. and the pyramid with its weird little artifacts still draws you in like it did that first night you infiltrated their meeting, and you and deimos and the ghost all touch it and you all get teleported via videogame magic or isu technology or whatever the fuck who cares it’s just a stupid scifi game let me live to...

atlantis?

it’s the exact same look and feel as the dlc: humans and gods living in (apparent) harmony, people are happy, families are together, there’s laughter and music and plenty of food and leisure. the buildings are gorgeous, there’s like fountains and gardens and aquariums and other cool shit, and if not for the weird isu tech all over the place you’d almost think it was elysium. but it’s not elysium, because you’re not dead. deimos isn’t dead. and you’ve never felt more at peace. the ghost tells you that this is all perfectly achievable, if only you join them in helping construct this world from the ashes of the old. deimos tells you that they’ve seen this in their dreams; the world was truly like this once, and it could be again.

there’s no war to be fought here; no pain or suffering or loss. deimos sheathes their sword and tells you that they cannot just go back to being family in the real world, not after everything that has happened and all the suffering you both have experienced -- out in the real world, you were both doomed to be nothing more than shattered bones and streaks of gore at the foot of sparta’s sacred mountain. you don’t matter out there, and you never did, and they know you are tired of trying to prove that you do, because they’re tired too. but in here, in this world, you could be together. you could be the siblings you never got the chance to be. this is what they were fighting for all along. they gave their name, and their life, and their innocence and their pain -- all to achieve this. and with your help they can finally stop calling themself deimos and reclaim their old name. or the two of you could find new names. you could be gods. you could slaughter the old gods, the ones whose prophecies doomed you both to die at the foot of mount taygetos (deimos still doesn’t know the cult orchestrated that lmao listen the brainwashing runs deep). you could be anyone you want here.

all of this feels so real. you feel like you could stay here forever.

deimos extends their hand. you reach out to take it. to join them.

and something tumbles out of your pouch.

it’s a little wooden eagle, a child’s toy, battered and all scratched up with most of its defining features worn away. you know it well. you know every contour of it because a little girl gave it to you when you left the island where you and she once lived, to go make a name for yourself in a war that never seemed to end, until suddenly it did. you know this toy eagle because you folded that little girl’s cold, dead, still-bloody fingers around it one terrible night in athens. you were told, later, that the eagle burned with her on the pyre your friends constructed for her. and so the only reason this eagle is here now, the only reason you can run your hands along its outstretched wings and trace the whorls of the woodgrain with your fingertips and feel the slight weight of it in your palm is because none of this is real.

what is real is this: the cult existed, and phoibe died. leonidas died. perikles died. brasidas died. and you cannot live in a world where the very act of dying for the world they didn’t know they were helping to shape is the one thing that becomes the defining feature of their legacies. where their lives become nothing more than some kind of grotesque buttressing to prop up the very people who got them all killed.

there’s some kind of bossfight against deimos, who, despite their appeals to you to join them as a battlefield companion and true siblings after too many years lost between you, still doesn’t hesitate to turn against you as they always have the moment things do not go their way. because that’s the way it is between the two of you: they push, and you push back.

and the more you fight, the more atlantis crumbles. the others don’t seem to notice; they simply sit there and laugh and sip wine and dance and sing as stone after stone falls from the vast turrets and crushes first their companions, then them, into blood and bone and gristle. there’s a gate up on the highest tower of the city, and you know instinctively that without it you’ll be stuck here in this strange dream-limbo, fighting your sibling for eternity as both worlds, dream and real, carry on with or without you. and as you make your way to it (maybe there’s some sweet parkour opportunities here with like falling debris and such) deimos gives chase and as you draw closer to the gate you start to see that it’s not empty at all, but full of people crowing in to take a peek at all the commotion.

there’s sokrates and hippokrates and aristophanes. alkibiades looking uncharacteristically worried, and [insert any npc lieutentants you’ve recruited like roxana or odessa]. xenia is there, and so is anthousa. kyra and/or thaletas, too (depending on the outcome of the mykonos questline). and a gang of plucky little kids, all cheering you on: khloe, the girl with the clay friends; arsenios, the tour-guide-turned-con-artist; ardos and his caretaker. (and i guess nikolaos and stentor if they’re still alive lmao) (maybe pythagoras is allowed too but he’s on thin fucking ice)

and, of course, myrrine. standing at the forefront, shoulder to shoulder with barnabas and herodotos. all three of them -- alongside everyone else you’ve ever allied with, fought beside, or helped out -- everyone who loves you, everyone you’ve ever loved -- they’re beckoning you home. back to the real world, where they matter. where you matter.

where you have always mattered.

you’re so close to taking your mother’s hand, you can feel the warmth of her fingertips -- and then you hear a scream below you.

it’s deimos, and they’re falling. maybe they tripped in their haste to catch you. maybe some of the falling rubble knocked them off-balance. it doesn’t matter. the only thing that matters is that your sibling is falling to their doom. again. and there’s nothing you can do about it.

except this time there definitely is.

so you leap from the ledge with all the strength you have, the roaring in your ears drowning out myrrine’s shouts. you’ve fallen from greater heights, after all, and lived to tell the tale. this is nothing. and this time you’ll catch your sibling, because this is your dream, too. and in your dream, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

you catch deimos, the both of you still falling, the ground rushing up to meet you -- and you both wake in the cave of gaia with a jolt. each of you still have a hand on the pyramid, and you make eye contact. they give you the slightest of nods, as if to say i’m okay. i’m awake.

the ghost is still asleep, head bowed, eyes flitting to and fro behind closed eyelids, both hands still on the pyramid.

you destroy the pyramid with your grandfather’s spear. this wakes the ghost. she’s furious, and tells you that you’ve made a terrible mistake. the cult of kosmos may be extinguished, but the ideals she worked toward are not. (basically this kind of mirrors the whole spiel about the philosopher-king or whatever tf the ghost said at the end of the actual in-game storyline that foreshadowed the order of ancients and eventually the templars)

deimos looks to you and mutters that it’s your choice what to do next. the ghost tries to appeal to them but they’ve run out of fucks to give. they leave.

[kill the ghost] what it says on the label. you get a nice little ac-esque assassination cutscene and it’s actually got some emotional weight to the decision/scene, unlike the game.

[walk away] leave the ghost in the cave. the pyramid is gone, the cult is dead, your sibling is free. the ghost will live the rest of her life looking over her shoulder, knowing that the grandchildren of leonidas have seen her for what she is. knowing that whatever she does next, they’ll be watching closely.

when you leave the cave, you see deimos, pacing as they overlook the view of phokis from mount parnassos. it’s high noon and the sun glints brilliantly off their gilded armor. they glance at the temple of apollo and remark how strange it is to be standing here together, so close to the place where both your fates were sealed with just a few words from a puppet pythia a lifetime ago.

you ask what they’re going to do, now that the cult is gone.

the peace of nicias isn’t going to hold, they tell you. the war will start again soon enough, and when that happens both athens and sparta will be looking for champions to fight for their side.

dialogue choices:

[i’ll see you on the battlefield] you and your sibling part ways. subsequent conquest battles have a chance of spawning a bossfight against deimos who is fighting for the other side -- neither of you can perma-kill the other so you can encounter/fight them over and over again. at the end of the conquest battle, no matter who wins, you can see them walking up and down the battlefield and you can have some silly little sibling banter, which changes depending on who wins/loses the battle

[join me, fight with me] deimos joins your crew just like in the game. unlike the game, you can interact with them at any time while they’re walking up and down your ship and have sibling banter because i just want some decent fucking sibling banter in this game

no matter which option you pick, the first time you return to sparta after finishing this storyline you’ll have the option of entering your old family home and triggering the family dinner cutscene with all the surviving members of your family because goddammit even after all this wishful revisionism i still love that silly little family dinner

anyway in conclusion this is what i want out of odyssey, thanks for coming to my TED talk, don’t forget to smash that like&subscribe the way the eagle bearer definitely smashed brasidas’ fine spartan ass offscreen bc ubisoft were too smoothbrained to give us the romance we deserved

[stormyblue90]

Remembrance

Decided to write a bit of a bittersweet Kassidas ficlet. I have another, happy idea to write later, but I wanted this one out of the way first. You can get a palate cleaner whenever I end up writing it!

Pairing: Kassandra/Brasidas Assasins Creed Odyssey

warnings: canon character death... and possible tears reading this...

Golden light from the evening sun glinted off the edge of a bronze shield, set beneath an old willow tree. Kassandra sat before the small memorial she had built in front of her childhood home. It was small, simple, and centered around an old, battle worn Spartan shield. A small engraved plaque lay before it, reading the name "Brasidas of Sparta, Son of Tellis and Argileonis of Sparta".

It was the anniversary of the Battle of Amphipolis and Kassandra spent much of the day mourning the loss of the great general, her love. She remembered their last night together before the Fates so cruelly snatched him away, sending him to Hades. Tears threatened to fall, as they always did when she thought of him on this day.

"And what of these?" Brasidas asked, tracing the prominent scars on Kassandra's right arm. She had nestled herself in his arms, head under his chin. Both in a state of undress due to their earlier lovemaking.

"A very nasty pack of wolves on Kephallonia." Kassandra replied, "They were terrorizing a small farm. I think I was only sixteen at the time. Before I really made a name for myself as a Misthios. Another, more experienced mercenary WAS going to hunt them down, but he was a braggart and I beat him to it."

Brasidas laughed lightly at the thought of a teenage Kassandra taking on a pack of wolves, no doubt determined to prove herself and show up an older prideful mercenary, and too stubborn to back down from such a challenge. "Why am I not surprised you started such a life so young?"

She shrugged. "Not much a choice really. When you've been trained to fight, and your...'caretaker' is a bumbling idiot, you learn quickly becoming a Misthios is your best option."

He gently nuzzled into her loose hair, kissing the top of her head. Both were silent for a moment, before Kassandra spoke up.

"But... I do sometimes wonder what a simpler life would be like." she admitted.

"Is that so? And what kind of life do you dream of?"

Kassandra thought about it for a moment. In truth she wasn't sure she'd ever have such a life. A lifetime of fighting, surviving, and since she left Kephallonia, on the run from all manner of enemies.

"I'm...not entirely sure." she answered, "I just know one things family, my family."

Brasidas smiled, "Well, you've already started on such a path. You have your mater, your old house."

Kassandra sobered, "Just...need to bring my brother back. I promised Mater after all."

They both knew that would be no simple task, if it could be accomplished. Alexios suffered a lifetime of torture and brainwashing at the hands of the Cult, to be twisted and warped into their weapon, Deimos. However if anyone could do it, it'd be the Eagle Bearer Kassandra. Brasidas was confident she'd fight the entire pantheon if she had to.

"You will. I know it. You're too strong and stubborn." he replied, causing a small chuckle to erupt from Kassandra, lightening her mood. "But... perhaps you could have more." he added, a sense of unsureness in his voice as he trailed off.

Kassandra lifted her head to look at him, "What do you mean?" she asked.

Brasidas momentarily averted her gaze, suddenly seeming nervous. Rather uncharacteristic of the brave and confident Spartan she knew.

"Well, perhaps in the future, when this is all over of course... and you've reunited your family, we- I mean you..."

"Yes?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. "You... would choose to be my wife?"  he finished, finally meeting her gaze again.

Kassandra's eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up at his proposal. His eyes looked so nervous and vulnerable, afraid she'd say no and break his heart.

"I-I would not stop you from taking contracts, and I understand if you don't want to-" he quickly stammered, feeling like she'd reject him, she was a misthios, always on the move after all. Settling down just didn't seem like something she'd WANT; dream of perhaps, but not actively pursue it.

Brasidas' fears were quickly expunged from his mind as Kassandra's lips slammed into his own, her hands cradling his face.

"Yes! By the gods YES!" She answered when she pulled away, a huge smile beaming on her face.

Brasidas returned with an equally bright smile of his own as she pressed her forehead against his. He kissed the tip of her nose as she laughed joyfully.

"I love you." He whispered.

"And I love you." Kassandra replied, kissing her lover once again.

A single tear fell down Kassandra's cheek at the memory. That had been their last night together. The Battle of Amphipolis tragically ripped him from her life.

While she had succeeded in bringing her brother home, she'd be lying if she said there wasn't a small part of her that wanted to kill him for taking Brasidas from her. However Kassandra pushed that thought out of her mind. It was the monster Deimos and the Cult that killed her lover, not her brother. Not Alexios.

She did promise Myrrine she'd do whatever it took to bring him back. Kassandra also had other reasons for sparing him, one BECAUSE of Brasidas. She learned from him that not every solution has to end in death when she spared Lagos and saved his family. However one she had yet to reveal to her mother at the time. A reason she only discovered shortly after finding out Aspasia was the Ghost of Kosmos, and killing her. After that, she refused to spill any more blood if she could avoid it.

"Mater!" a small voice called, pulling Kassandra out of her memory and back to the present.

A little girl of six came running out of the house, carrying wooden dolls in her hands. Kassandra turned towards her daughter. Every time she looked at her, she saw Brasidas, their daughter looked so much like him. She had his pale, hazel-brown eyes. However it wasn't just the color that was the same, but the compassionate nature he possessed in them as well; but like him could be filled determined ferocity.

"Yes Phoibe?" Kassandra answered as the little girl ran over and settled herself in her mother's lap.

"They're finished!" Phoibe exclaimed, holding up the little wooden dolls she carried.

"Oh did Grandmater help you with those?" Kassandra asked.

Phoibe nodded, "Uh-huh. And Grandpater too!"

Of course he did. Kassandra thought, it seemed Nikolaos was doing everything possible to be the father he couldn't long ago for his granddaughter. From the moment he first held little Phoibe, he vowed he wouldn't make the same mistakes again with his family. He'd make it up to the children and wife he failed a lifetime ago.

Phoibe showed off the dolls as she placed them on the memorial, in front of Brasidas' shield.

"Here's Pater!" she explained, placing a wooden doll depicting a man with a shield, spear, and red cloth for a cloak wrapped around it. "Aaaand you Mater..." she continued, this time a figure of a woman with a broken spear in hand. "Then ME!" she exclaimed as she placed a much smaller child figure in front.

Kassandra smiled warmly, Phoibe loved making little dolls and other toys with her grandparents. "Aren't you forgetting some?" She asked.

"Oh yeah!" Phoibe dug into her pocket and pulled out a tiny, bird shaped carving. "Ikaros!" She cried, as the the eagle himself cheeped happily from the tree branch he was perched on.

"I didn't have enough material to make everyone else though... But I will!" she admitted. "Uncle Alexios said he wanted to help this time when he comes back."

"Did he now?"

Phoibe nodded. Alexios always left Sparta on this day, likely the guilt and shame he felt was too much to stay around his sister and niece. He still blamed himself for Kassandra losing her lover, for his niece never knowing her father. Even if Kassandra eventually forgave him.

She still remembered the look of intense pain and guilt on his face when Phoibe asked why she didn't have a father like her friends. She was four at the time. There was no point in lying to her. They told her the truth, that her beloved uncle killed him before she was born. However Alexios said it was a monster called Deimos inside him that killed the girl's father. He wasn't wrong, but when he admitted it he was terrified the niece he came to love would hate him. She never did. When she asked if the monster was gone, he nodded, saying he and his family killed it a long time ago. It was then she hugged him tightly, saying he wasn't a monster, he was her uncle, and she still loved him. Alexios broke down in tears and hugged her back when she said it.

Phoibe spoke up again. "He said he wanted to help because he wanted to make sure I made him look really strong and powerful... and to make Uncle Stentor ugly enough."

Kassandra snorted as she laughed, hugging her daughter close as she giggled back. "I see then." she answered.

For a few minutes she just held Phoibe close, admiring her daughter's handiwork. She was getting better at making her little toys. Her daughter was a fast learner both in creating toys, and in fighting. Kassandra made sure to keep with the family tradition of training her daughter to fight as well as the Spartan boys, better she hoped.

"Do you think Pater would be proud of me? I pray to Hermes all the time that he gets my messages." Phoibe asked innocently.

Kassandra kissed the top her head. "He IS proud of you Phoibe. And he loves you so much." She answered.

"Really?" Phoibe replied, looking up.

"Yes. He lives in Elysium now, and Hermes brings him ALL of your messages." Kassandra answered. "And one day, a loooooooong time from now, after you've had thousands of adventures, you'll get to see him. You'll get to tell him everything yourself."

"And Great Grandpater too!" the little girl added.

"Oh yes, him too. In fact I bet your Pater and he are fishing together in Elysium."

"Catch a big one Pater!" Phoibe called out towards the sky, causing another laugh to erupt from her mother.

While Brasidas had been taken from her life, he was not truly gone. He still lived on in her memory, in their daughter. It was during these moments, as Kassandra held her daughter in front of his memorial, on this day every year, she felt his presence beside her. Enveloping her as if hugging her and their daughter. As if his spirit was granted a brief visit from Hades on this day, to spend a small moment with his family until the day they could be reunited in Elysium.

[geckolady]

Skulduggery Pleasant: Raising Cain - Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Perchance for cain

They laughed on the way to the Sanctuary, and hugs with Bear and Weasel were mandatory – for Stephanie only – and they were finally able to find out what had happened.

“Serpine’s men had amour and weapons,” Bear told Stephanie. “And they were in a small room and made sure to split us up.”

“We work better together,” Wolf said.

“Always have. And with others in the room we didn’t have a chance to fight to our strengths. They knew that would happen, but we rushed into it and didn’t realise until too late,” Bear said. “We were very lucky to have you, Stephanie.”

Crow nodded. “Though we do need to help you think up a name still. Calling you by your given name is getting more dangerous every day.”

“She’s Cub,” Wolf proclaimed. “Right, Cub?”

“Yeah!” She said, putting her hands in the air. They high-fived.

Crow made a movement that was likely an eyeroll. “But you still need a real name. Code names are good for missions, we’ve needed them for a while I suppose, but that doesn’t change the fact you need a Taken name.”

“Hey,” Weasel said to Stephanie, “you still haven’t told us why you gave us those names.”

“Aren’t you meant to know these things?” Stephanie asked him.

He rolled his eyes. “I can’t know everything. That would be boring. Tell me, why do I get the bad name?”

She tilted her head at him. “You don’t have a bad name.”

“Oh God,” Snake said. “She’s already acting like Skul.”

Stephanie flipped her hair back and began pointing and explaining – she pointed to Skulduggery, “Crow, you always brought weird things, like crows get stuff for their nests.” She pointed to Ghastly, “Panda made me a panda bear when I was little and it was the first thing he gave me and my favourite toy, so it became his name.” To Anton, “Bear, you got me things that made me think you were trying to be all tough and not super cute but also wanted to spoil me like a marshmallow. I almost called you marshmallow actually but I liked the animal theme so you became Bear.” Dexter, “Wolf, I’m not really sure how it happened, but it seemed to fit the you I made up from all the things you got me. It was always something new, unexpected and I loved it. I could always count on you to get me something when something bad happened too, so I sort of learned you were loyal and trustworthy, so I thought of a dog, but that sounded too tame compared to the other cool names so you’re a wolf.” Saracen, “Weasel, you always got me things I could eat or where I’d find more things to eat when I got there and weasels were good at finding food and getting from place to place unseen. At least to my head when I was a kid that’s how I thought of it, so you got to be Weasel. I like that name.” Erskine, “And Snake, I always thought you’d be telling me to do the stupid things and getting me in trouble on purpose, and then you’d hide and laugh at me, so you got to be Snake. You were always my favourite when I was very little because I’d spend so much time alone and whatever stupid thing imaginary Snakie said to me were usually pretty fun. So, I like it. I like them all though.”

They nodded and grinned. She thought they seemed pretty happy with that. “I like that,” Wolf said. “I’m the coolest.”

Stephanie started to laugh as all hell broke loose and they started bickering over who got to be the coolest.

“Guys!” She shouted at them, finally getting their attention. “You still need to tell me what happened! You got split up but you didn’t tell me anything.”

“Oh, yes,” Crow said, then coughed as if trying to distract himself from his own immature behaviour. “We were split up and attacked with extreme force. We knew Serpine was not to be underestimated but I think when we didn’t see Serpine we didn’t think his lackies would be any good. Obviously, we were wrong. Though we are lucky enough that there aren’t as many Hollow Men now.”

“Hollow Men?”

“Those paper like things from earlier. They have the single purpose of fighting to the death. Generally they can’t do anything but in numbers they are catastrophic. Eliminating a handful now is the absolute difference between life and death later.”

She nodded.

“The fight didn’t last long. They had a very big man that got a bag over my head and shackled me to a bedpost before I could do much, which bound my magic and stopped me from helping,” Skulduggery explained for her. She had assumed that was what the cuffs did but it was good to know. “I believe the rest of the fight was over as people were knocked out. And now I would like to know what happened to you.”

Stephanie was looked at by them all and Wolf let her have the stage. She hesitated. “Well, it was pretty fast honestly. I just remember attacking this guy and the Hollow Men almost made me sick – I hate them by the way – and Wolf had all that purple mist you told me about on him. He kept screaming at that first guy who was going to hurt him more, so I stabbed him in the chest. Serpine said I killed him.”

They were quiet. “I’m sorry,” Wolf finally said.

She waved him away. “I’d rather he stopped hurting you. But then again, I’d rather never have to see Serpine again, his magic definitely hurts too much.”

“What the–”

“Excuse me I’m still speaking Mr Pleasant!” She called before he had the chance. His jaw snapped shut. “So I passed out in the office after some guy turned up and I don’t remember what he said, just that he was there. I woke in the cell and that guy came in pretty soon after to take me to Serpine and he tried to make me convert to his mission and be his daughter or some shit and I told him to shove it but in less words because I didn’t want to die and I was taken back to the cells with only one smack which I thought was pretty good going considering everything. I tricked the guy into switching around cuffs and then I beat his ass and came and found all you. So you all got save by a little girl. Ha.”

They snorted at themselves and the tension went from the van. “We are so teaching you to fight.” Weasel said.

“I did fight!”

“Better,” Crow said. “If this becomes a habit, if you want to keep up with the people we have to fight, you need to be better. We get the worst, most likely to be killed missions. You will have to sit out of a few until you are up to the standards we expect. I’m sure we can find a few small cases until you’re ready for the big dogs though.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sure.”

They told her about Meritorious and the other Elders on the way but told her they were not going to be introducing them at that moment as they didn’t want to have to argue to keep her as their apprentice. Still, she and Dexter would have to go to someone called Doctor Kenspeckle in the Hibernian Cinema, a place he had converted secretly into a small hospital. They had already registered with him as soon as Gordon had died since they knew she was going to be sent into their care.

They waited for the Cleavers to get out the van and they all left, and Wolf disappeared to get them a car – Weasel whispered to her secretively that he was going to flirt one out of the Administrator which had made her blush violently because flirting was weird, but also grin because it was weird in another way – and the others disappeared to sit around for the Elders and Stephanie had to wait for Wolf next to Panda who snored lightly from the pavement. It didn’t take too long before Wolf pulled up next to her and they pulled and pushed Panda awkwardly into the car and then got in the front.

Since they were hoping he would awaken soon and didn’t care how, they put on the radio as loud as it went, making the car vibrated with the music, and they sang along too loud for them to sound good, which Stephanie was grateful for. They drove for half an hour and screamed the whole way, even in traffic, getting a lot of looks, and when they pulled up in front of the cinema and continued to sing until the end of the song, Panda still hadn’t woken up.

Her ears rang, but she was happy to help push Panda from the borrowed car and Wolf pulled him onto his shoulders. She locked the car for him and opened the building doors. He told her where to stand and made her walk through the magic door into the medical practice, making her grin and laugh and run up to the top.

“Who is making that racket?!” A voice shouted from somewhere. Two young men walked into the large waiting hall with smiles. They waved at her.

“Hello,” she said to them. “My friends need help.”

“Who are they?” One of them asked.

“Ghastly Bespoke and Dexter Vex.”

They laughed. “Oh, we know them, are they coming up now?”

Wolf came up sideways with Panda still on his shoulders. “Yeah,” she said. “Where do you want them?”

“This way,” he said. “I’m Civet by the way.”

She grabbed Wolf’s top and pulled him along. “Come,” she commanded. “I don’t have a name yet.”

“It’s a big decision. I’m Stentor,” the other told her and they opened a door to a ward in which Wolf placed Panda with surprising gentleness onto a bed.

She put her hands on her hips. “You need to lie down too.”

He grinned wickedly. “Oh yeah? Why should I?”

“Because you were in a traumatic incident and must be checked for death.”

“For death?” He said, laughing.

“Yes, and if you don’t I’ll tell on you.” He stepped towards her menacingly, but she didn’t move. “And it’ll be awful. You’ll be lectured and told off and still have to get checked but it’ll be worse. What are you doing?”

He didn’t respond, just pulled her to him and started tickling mercilessly. She shrieked with laughter and immediately fell to the floor, hugging her sides and trying to breathe through the intensity of the fun. An old man with grey hair and stern words for Wolf came in at some point but it just made Wolf pretend to roar and pounce on her and he ended up on his knees tickling her until she was screaming that she was about to pee herself and she was pretty sure she did just a little bit before he stopped and they panted, giggling still in her case, and the old man came and stood a foot from them.

“Are you two quite finished?” He said sternly.

“No.” They said at once.

He sighed tiredly. “Get on a bed. Both of you.”

He turned to his assistants and started telling them thing so Wolf and Stephanie looked at each other. They both stood silently and got into the same bed, Stephanie sitting on Wolf’s knees in the most uncomfortable for him way she could.

Kenspeckle turned back to them to tell them something and saw them. “For God’s sake. Your own beds!”

“Oh!” Stephanie said acting surprised. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” She got in her own bed and tried not to grin at the looks she was getting from the doctor, Civet and Stentor.

“Insolent girl. Tell me what happened to you.”

She told him about the brief torture and her time stuck in the cell but after a check over and some food she was told she’d be fine. Wolf was checked last and the other Dead Men came into the ward just as Panda groaned and started to wake up.

They were also sent into their own beds for check-ups though Bear and Weasel got out of that, meaning they could sit on either side of Stephanie and relay the meeting, in which they tried to convince the Elders that Serpine had killed people recently, including Gordon, and had taken them hostage, including a minor female that had been left at the mercy of not just Serpine, who tortured her, but also other known criminals. It had been played up a little to try and convince them but even then, it hadn’t been enough to get a guaranteed stance from the Sanctuary.

“We usually fight alone,” Bear told her reassuringly in his deep, quiet voice. He was the most comforting to have around, so calm and reassuring. Panda came next though she imagined she’d go to him for council and he’d help her, whereas Bear would let her talk and probably then kill or seriously maim whoever tried to hurt her, so they never tried again. It was very nice to have such strong support. She could have used that last year through school.

It was after saying all that they tried to help her with her name. The key word being ‘tried’.

“We need to play to your strengths.”

“Your personality.”

“You like funny things. Something warm and fun would be good.”

“Or something ironic,” Crow pointed out. “You like dark humour too much for something warm.”

“No,” Weasel argued for her. “She could have a warm name.”

“Yeah,” Snake smirked. “Like Flame.”

“That’s terrible,” Panda groaned. He had a bad headache after hitting his head hard and being given a sedative.

Stephanie nodded. “It was pretty terrible.”

“You need something bold. Strong,” Wolf said. “Like Wolf.”

She stared at him. “Wolf is my least liked name.” He raised an eyebrow and she grinned instantly. “I do want a bold name though. Something easy to remember. Not a mouthful. Not boring either.”

“Perhaps something exotic,” Wolf said. “Maybe we should get some books.”

They tried to think up some books or other things they could use to help her but were soon being kicked out of the place by Kenspeckle, getting Stentor and Civet in trouble as they had joined the efforts to think of names. Stephanie was last out and held back for a moment by the doctor.

“Are you alright my dear?” He asked.

She smiled at him. “I haven’t been happier in a long time.”

He sighed. “I would hate to see you get hurt on one of their hair-brained schemes.”

“I like hair-brained schemes. I like crime, in fact. I want to do crime tonight!”

He rolled his eyes. “God, just like Pleasant. You two both have a perchance for cain.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Trouble. It means you’re trouble and I’m going to have to fix you too much. Now go on I suppose but remember to rest or else you’ll be very sore tomorrow.”

She grinned and gave the grumpy man a hug before running down the stairs straight onto the back of Bear who hiked her higher and let her stay there. He really was a marshmallow.

[webscene-remade]

just some #thots on the assassins creed dlc now that I’ve finished it

first order (ha) of business is ofc the Heterosexual Debacle. many people have said this better than I have but it comes down to 1) any promise that you could play as whatever sexuality you pleased went down the drain and 2) Big Yikes for making it seem like getting in a heterosexual relationship and having a baby is the Ultimate Goal That Leads To Happiness And Satisfaction**

**unless (another) cult burns your house down, which happens sometimes

anywho I don’t feel like rehashing what’s already been said. I largely agree with the complaints and I think they are Valid.

now let’s get into my own opinionés

As for the general gameplay:

being relentlessly hunted was fun for the first half of the first episode maybe but I was v tired of having to hide every 5 minutes because of the thousands of mercenaries after me for various reasons (hired by the order, hired by the state after I killed members of the order and their military guard and committed murder a bunch of times). Paying off my bounty was not an option. (I have a dream. A dream to have my ship fully upgraded. And that dream is So Fucking Expensive.)

Thanks to the fact that people were always trying to kill me, with the added ~mysteriousness~ of the order, there was some tense gameplay, which was a fun change of pace. The stakes seemed much higher. And they were higher, I found, after being decimated by multiple mercenaries at once, multiple times.

I am just now realizing that this dlc may not have been made to be played in two energy drink-fueled sittings. Perhaps my constant paranoia was not the devs succeeding at an endeavor in tone, but rather a result of the fact that I have played video games for 50 hours this week alone, often at night, drinking energy drinks. Maybe that was also why I had so many mercenaries up my ass - I am not very good at video games to begin with, and with the added impairments of sleep deprivation and over caffeination, I imagine that I was much worse than usual

in summary, re: tenseness. was fun, might’ve been even more tense if I didn’t have mercs flying at me every two seconds. Maybe the there couldve actually been some time to appreciate the paranoia/foreboding feeling that the game managed to inspire sometimes.

The characters:

I’m assuming that the stuff like involving the cult with the order, and the fact that uhhh everyone in my family, which I do have (nikolas,myrirne,alexios,stentor) is like...completely irrelevant - this is all so that you can theoretically play the dlc questline without having finished the main story but. I had 70 hours clocked on this mf, I killed the cult, and I like. Have my family. The family that is nowhere to be found as I’m off having this other family. honestly made it seem more like a weird dream than anything else.

With how much backstory they injected into Darius and natakas’ situation, natakas fell surprisingly flat. 

I cared about him two times - when he started that distraction in the warehouse by saying something like “I can’t believe you’ve done this! You monster! I loved you!”. That was really funny. I was like, oh, this boy has a personality! And then when he was crying and said “father, come back to me” I was like. Oh :(

But other than that I didn’t really care about him in the same way I came to care about other characters. even some of the other love interests - kyra, Daphne, doctor guy, brasidas (love interest in my head) - they (and your relationship with them) had a relatively brief time to develop. But like. I cared way more about them and my relationship with them than I did about natakas and my relationship with him

I guess I’m saying that natakas was a boring character. Darius was much more interesting. Natakas just seemed like background a lot of the time, until the end of episode 2 and beginning of 3, where he seemed more centered for all of 5 seconds before being bludgeoned to death on a beach

He should’ve talked more, maybe. There were a lot of “looks” that he and kassandra exchanged that were supposed to convey communication and a deeper connection, but like. Please speak. Also, I hated his facial expressions a lot of the time. Same with Kassandras, though less frequently. They were on some Bethesda level shit, I swear

Also idk if this was meant to be funny but

natakas: here’s this good luck charm my mom gave me to keep me safe. I don’t need it anymore :) kassandra: aw :) natakas: *yeets it into the ocean* kassandra: wh natakas: *proceeds to die later that day*

As for the Order itself - pretty dumb. They tried to make some of the members sympathetic or whatever but their motives and logic made no sense. I almost would’ve preferred them to be just straight up evil with no “good intentions” because like. every claim they made about their intentions were just empty words. yet we were defo meant to be like “maybe the villains...also want good things :0”

Domestic kassandra:

Honestly, I could see kassandra having a kid and caring fiercely about that kid but nothing about the beginning of episode 3 felt right. I could even see her being “”domestic””” but it felt like an obvious “let’s establish that kassandra really cares about these people so that when we fuck it all up it will be more sad” thing but they failed to establish it in any way that felt meaningful and real

Like in the beginning of episode three kassandra is all “ah my home which I love look at my HOME and my simple life and I finally have a home. Love this home that I have with my family and my home” (& the fact that I had already finished the game only added to how bizarre and immersion breaking it all was)

Re: the ending

I have not managed to play any other assassins creed game for more than 5 minutes and let me tell you. I do Not Care About The Lore.

I’m glad the baby went away because I did not care about him even a little bit (probably because of how ineffectual the beginning of episode 3 was). I don’t even remember the fuckers name. 

Still, it doesn’t make much sense that Darius is gonna raise him. Even though he’s better at hiding or whatever, he’s also being hunted by the order, which is the reason kassandra isn’t raising him in the first place...the Writing™️...questionable

also i was annoyed that i had to go fish natakas’ shit out of the ocean after he threw it in there 

Also, one last thing. Kassandras voice actor did an amazing job. She singlehandedly almost (almost) made me care about the kid. If the writing was better (or made like, any sense) I could’ve been at least 80% there

tl;dr I didn’t really like it that much