#then i left & on my drive back i remembered my spanish grandma & i was just like man me hacen mucha falta mis abuelos

[patronsaintofmath]

i will jot it down here so as to not forgot my adventure of today. went to pick up omd at his house in palo alto to go to pincushion. drove up playing cumbias & the drive to pincushion was so scenic i almost pulled over & told him to drive bc i wanted to just enjoy the view. but anyways once we made it to the cattle chute, he showed me a little tunnel where there’s a bunch of graffiti & there we found a dead cow. he said that isn’t the first time he’s seen that & that it’s quite sad the cows go there to die. so he reached out his hand to help me back up & we went through the regular trail. there was a random pair of jeans left at the entrance. there was a lot of incline. thankfully there were some spots where it was flat for like 20 ft so i would stop there & take pictures as an excuse to catch a break but omd told me i handled the incline well. i asked him if he knew any jokes so he tried to think of dad jokes but the only one he knew was smth like “why was the pterodactyl quiet when he went to the bathroom,” & i said smth bc of the P & he’s like yeah the P[ee] is silent. at the top, there were 3 women w a speaker blasting music. i was kinda upset at that. i just wanted peace & quiet at the top. so i hurried up to get to the highest point where they weren’t. omd stopped to talk to them so i was alone for a bit at the top js sitting there. then he came up & we just hung out for maybe 10 minutes but the little bugs kept flying at me so i got up & he took that as his cue to get going too. so we took down a different trail so we could do a loop. i wish i could remember the turns we made but all i remember is a right after the pincushion peak. he was telling me about how i gotta make college friends bc those are the people that will be good to have around 30 years from now. then we talked about the 1800s & videogames & mexican culture. i was skipping & jumping about when we were going downhill, uphill, & on flat land. i was having so much fun hiking! ok then we made it back to the car & dude told me about pizza factory & i was like ok so we went down there. omd said we could split a sandwich & he’d pay for it but in my mind i was like nah i need more than half a sandwich so the only logical thing to do was tell him “nah i got us this time” bc he had paid last time & i secretly had the plan to order myself a whole sandwhich. so then he just paid for his beer & he got a salad which i noticed was cheaper than the sandwhich so i wonder if he got that bc it was cheaper but anyways. then we were outside & that’s when he started talking about religion & politics & eugenics & DNA & yellowjackets & so much other stuff. he also asked if i knew something about DNA (the topic escapes me now) but at the time i did so i said yes & he’s like yeah you went to edison you’re a smart girl LIKE PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BC I WENT TO EDISON IM SMART NO YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I SUCK AS A STUDENT but thank you for thinking so highly of me. then on the drive back we listened to doors & he was asking about my music choices & that’s when i showed him that i put his playlist on spotify. the whole ride back he talked about music. then we arrive to his house & invited me in & i step into some sort of office that is not an office actually but a room full of antique stuff. & the living room & entrance were the same way. but he was so excited to show me everything & i noticed that. he showed me some art he made w sticks & branches he found. he polished & glued rocks on top of them. thinking back about it now it reminds me of ben making his stop motion animation film from parks&rec. oh & i met seth & he’s jokingly telling me to buy omd’s stuff bc he has so much stuff & wants it gone & he’s like [omd] likes you he can give you a discount & i was like oh my goodness ive been accepted as a person 😭. & when omd had introduced me to seth he said it like he had already talked about me to seth so PEOPLE ARE PERCEIVING ME NOOO. dude has a huge house. an office, 4 bedrooms, kitchen, living room, laundry room, 2 bathrooms, & a big ass backyard W A POOL & JACUZZI

[sammyhasspammy]

My BroZone Human Designs (+ Some Explanations!)

My post with my human AU!

Their father was black while their mom was Hispanic. Obviously, Floyd ended up being the lightest of them and takes after their mom the most

They all know varying degrees of Spanish

Though they would change up their hairstyles sometimes during the performance, JD insisted they look as similar as they could since fans liked it, so they had "iconic" styles for the group. Those with 4c hair had high tops while Bruce and Floyd took this half-part style

Age: 41

Languages: Fluent in English and Spanish

He ended up becoming the shortest of his brothers and it bothers him every day

You can hear his flip-flops flopping from a mile away and it drives Branch crazy

I think his hair got darker cause he tried to dye his hair after he found a few white hairs and ended up going too dark with it, but he kept it

Kept his high-top for sentimental reasons

Looks the most like their dad

OCD haver #1

Age: 39

Languages: Fluent in English and Spanish, learning Portuguese (Brandy is Brazilian to me <3)

Hairy chest cause brandy likes it

Teaching all his kids Spanish he is not letting them forget their heritage

Usually was the one helping their grandma in the kitchen after their parents' death but was also interested in it before. Most of the recipes he makes now are still ones that are from his childhood

Also master mixologist... for trolls sized drinks. He tried to make drinks for island goers before, but turns out that making a drink that is basically twice your size is hard and inefficient, so he taught Brandy how to make them!

Age 36

Languages: Fluent in English and Spanish. Learned French and Chinese as a hobby

Spoke to Viva in Spanish a LOT, especially during rough times when she was stressed and would start just rambling in Spanish. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be so fluent

When they were younger, people thought he was younger than Floyd because he was so tiny, but then he became the tallest

His hair got stained green while at the gold course, but once they left it he kept dying it green

Age: 33

Languages: Fluent in English and Korean (Don't... don't ask), knows some Hindi, knows VERY little Spanish

JD was devastated to hear that Floyd had forgotten 90% of his Spanish

He had spent a few years with the rock trolls and was best friends with Barb for a while, that's where he learned Hindi (I headcanon her as Indian). When she was a teenager she also gave him an awful stick-and-poke on his back, not even Floyds brothers know about it

Went gray for a while in between leaving Brozone and joining the punk trolls, but I don't have a theory as to why yet

When they were younger, Floyd would straighten his hair in order to look more like Bruce in order for them to match. Bruce hated this but couldn't stop Floyd from doing it. Floyd is embarrassed by how poorly he straightened it before.

Very nice and/or low-tempered to most people, but he is ruthless when it comes to JD. Branch has heard Floyd yell the worst insults known to man to JD after being picked on by him, but it's their little way of communicating with each other and is, usually, affectionate. It's a cycle at this point. JD makes fun of Floyd, Floyd gets "pissed," then JD does it again cause he thinks it's funny

Age: 21

Languages: Fluent in English, knows very little Korean and the most basic Spanish ever

JD was also devastated to hear about Branch not speaking Spanish

Doesn't remember shit about their parents. Every time his brothers reminisce on them he just stands there, confused

Also kept his high top for sentimental reasons, but after TBT he started experimenting a bit more

OCD haver #2

Extra Branch one (With banter, check ID for the banter in text if it's hard to read)

[adamwatchesmovies]

Endgame (2015)

When someone tells me they liked something about a movie I didn’t enjoy, I listen to what they have to say in the hopes that their enthusiasm might make me see something I didn't. When it comes to 2015’s Endgame, nothing you could tell me would make me change my mind. This movie is so melodramatic and full of clichés I don’t understand how anyone could be fooled into thinking it was good.

Jose (Rico Rodriguez) has always felt like everyone - including his mother (Justina Machado) - has paid more attention to his older brother, Miguel (Xavier Gonzalez). The only exception is his grandmother (Ivonne Coll), who has been patiently teaching him to play chess ever since he could remember. After Miguel dies in a car accident, the family falls apart. Jose begins acting out and winds up in detention. There, Coach Alvarado (Efren Ramirez) has the bright idea to teach the children discipline through chess.

My synopsis doesn't give anything away. You can tell Miguel is going to die early on. After a brilliant soccer match victory, he and his two chucklehead buddies leave a party to go drink in their car. There might as well be a meter in the lower-left corner that reads “Odds of survival: 10%”. When they start driving, it dips to 5%. When the driver pulls out his phone, you know they’re all headed to the grave. You're not the only one who saw it coming because no one at the funeral seems surprised. There isn’t a tear shed. It’s the first time you realize just how unconvincing the performances are. They weren’t exactly stellar before, but they were passable in a “tv movie of the week” kind of way. Now, the plot’s actually starting and we’re in trouble.

I want to applaud director Carmen Marron, who also wrote the screenplay with Hector Salinas. It’s obvious everyone’s hearts were in the right place. There's passion behind this project. Unfortunately, it isn’t enough. Endgame is a parade of tropes. You can practically count down the minutes before mom and Grandma have an argument over Jose and how he's been ignored. What you don’t expect is for mom to yell “Chess has torn this family apart!”

Endgame is only partially a drama. It’s also a limpwristed sports movie and kind of a family-friendly comedy. It’s just that the execution is so off nothing ever hits the mark. Jose’s chess coach, for example. No one asked him to start a chess club but he did it anyway. Afterward, we constantly hear him complain that he’s had to take a second job and dip into his rent money to keep the club going. You’re not sure if he’s joking. His boss, Principal Thomas (Jon Gries) doesn’t seem to care whenever he hears him. I think it’s supposed to drive the point that these kids are POOR, that this school has no money, whatsoever. Instead of crying, you’ll be laughing.

You won't be able to hold back your laughs because the film never restrains itself. Every character speaks like they came out of a cartoon from the 70's. They speak perfect English but insist on slipping on Spanish word to remind you that they are immigrants. Speaking of which, it’s time to discuss Dani (Alina Herrera). She’s Jose’s best friend. They’re together for half the movie, until we see officials dragging her parents away to bring them back to Mexico. She runs towards them in tears. We never see her again and that's that.

As a drama, Endgame fails because the characters are thin and the emotions are laid on thick. As a sports movie, it fares even worse. Normally, you’d have someone unfamiliar with chess play the role of the audience avatar. It’s safe to assume most people know the basic rules, but castling? It’s done without anyone bothering to tell us why, or how. Worse, by the time we get to the big tournament, we haven’t gotten to know anyone except for Jose. It wouldn't be a big deal if the champion wasn't determined by their team's score. If Jose wins, he could still walk away with nothing. Did I mention none of this is explained? You’re as outraged as the parents whose children are cheated out of a trophy because the conclusion comes out of nowhere!

Endgame ends by giving us a text detailing the real-life school where these events “took place”. I can see why it was included but let's just say that this is not one of those cases where truth is stranger than fiction. Endgame is pretty funny to watch as the actors struggle with the material and the story clumsily tries to handle far more than it can. You might enjoy Endgame as a bad movie because inspirational? It is not. (April 15, 2021)

[r6shippingdelivery]

headcannons for hobbies? Like what they do on their off time?

Hi nonnie! I actually did a Hobbies HC for “all” ops a long time ago. But seeing that was before the expanded bios, and it only reached up to Gridlock and Mozzie, I’d say it’s time for an updated version, don’t you say? 

Some of the answers are unchanged from the old post, because I already nailed it or the new info didn’t disprove my ideas. But I had to revise a lot of the answers I gave the first time around! In order to find their hobbies and/or get a glimpse of their lives beyond Rainbow and what they might like, I read all the bios, and looked up concept art, and elites, and past battlepass content, etc. And when none of that was enough, I just went with my gut instinct 😂 Thank you to @grain-crain-drain, @dagoth-menthol & @todragonsart for bouncing ideas with me when I was stuck! 💕

Hobbies Headcanons for ALL ops (up to Neon Dawn)

FBI

- Ash: According to her savta, shooting things is not a hobby, but Ash disagrees. And since according to her expanded bio she knows Hebrew, Arabic, English, French and Greek, I’m willing to bet she enjoys learning languages as well. - Thermite: He grew up on a ranch and loves riding. He’s also taken an interest in improving gadgets it seems, so my old proposal that he dabbles in forging/smithing stuff seems plausible. And based on this concept art, demolition derbies attending and maybe even competing himself too? - Pulse: He’s interested in a variety of topics and goes through phases of intense, nearly obsessive focus, until something else captures his attention. He still has a lingering fondness for building muscle cars, since it was something he used to do with his father. And like Thermite and Hibana, it seems he might enjoy demolition derbies. - Castle: He’s a language nerd, studying/reading/practicing new languages is his hobby for sure. Since the expanded bio says he rescues abused dogs, I don’t think it would be far fetched he volunteered at animal shelters too.

SAS

- Thatcher: Aside from repairing his boat, The Iron Maggie, he also enjoys fishing. He used to do that with his dad & brothers, and tried to take the rest of the SAS fishing as a bonding experience. It didn’t go very well - Sledge: He plays rugby, and has an inexplicable fondness of trying the wildest ideas that tend to end with something broken, be it one of his bones or a structure or wall (just read his extended psychological profile and you’ll see, lmao) - Smoke: Boxing, it helps him focus all his chaotic energy. And chemistry in general, it’s not just a hobby but a passion of his. - Mute: he enjoys tinkering with stuff, taking it apart and then putting it back together in a different way, just to see if he can improve it or make it work in his own way. Flying drones plays perfectly into that, with the added bonus of being able to do the flying part just for fun too.

GIGN

- Montagne: His main passion is working with people, teaching and mentoring others, and therefore when he’s not on duty, his main passtime still is mingling with people and getting to know them. I could see him making overtures with Castle, interested in the American and fascinated by his knowledge of various languages, an area Monty feels insecure about due to only knowing French and English.  - Twitch: Engineering, robotics and developing an empathic AI is her life.Twitch is a workaholic passionate about those topics. She also greatly enjoys traveling and, according to her expanded bio, people watching.  - Doc: He surely had some hobby at one point, but he can’t remember it, or the last time he had free time for it. Doc is also a workaholic, although one that loves to complain about it.  - Rook: Apparently he’s passionate about cycling, auto racing, and rock concerts. Mainly cycling though, since he dropped out of university to cycle around France.

Spetsnaz

- Tachanka: He collects and repairs old weapons. Mostly soviet, but he has some interesting pieces from other countries too. And he dances surprisingly well.  - Kapkan: Aside from a certain interest in psychology, his main hobby is hunting, of course. But he also whittles and carves wooden figurines.  - Glaz: Quite obviously, painting. He’s an artist, and quite a good one. He also likes playing cards, especially poker. - Fuze: He builds new weapon prototypes for fun. And tests them, if he can convince Six of it. He also likes to bake from time to time, a skill he learnt thanks to his grandma - and because he has a sweet tooth.

GSG9

- Jäger: Planes. Model planes, repairing old WWI & II planes, you name it. And watching copious amounts of documentaries.  - Bandit: His bike is his main hobby, both taking care of it and riding it. He also likes playing pool; and, if pranking people counts as a hobby, that’s his oldest one, dating from when he was a kid. - Blitz: He was and still is an athlete at heart, and Blitz loves running. - IQ: In order to disconnect from engineering pursuits, she indulges in rock climbing, spelunking, and writing science fiction stories.

JTF2

- Buck: He crafts mechanical puzzles, and enjoys all kinds of physical activity that can take place outdoors. - Frost: She just loves being surrounded by nature, and often goes mountain climbing or diving.

SEAL

- Valkyrie: Swimming and diving, of course! She wanted to be a professional swimmer, but now it’s just a hobby. And apparently she enrolled for a helicopter pilot license, and language classes. - Blackbeard: According to the expanded bios, he likes sailing and even participated in a championship. And since he climbed Mount Everest, it’s safe to say he also likes mountain climbing.

BOPE

- Capitao: He loves football, playing or watching it, doesn’t matter, he’s all for it. - Caveira: Spends a lot of time practicing Jiu Jitsu, in the gym and also on unofficial tournaments.

SAT

- Hibana: For her it’s traditional Japanese archery (Kyūdō). And probably demolition derbies too accounting that concept art from before with Thermite and Pulse. - Echo: According to the expanded bio, he has few interests outside work, but I always imagined he’d be into gaming and e-sports. Hacking too, and that’s a direct influence from Dokkaebi.

GEO

- Jackal: He plays the acoustic guitar/spanish guitar, and sings too. And now we also know he volunteers with at-risk youth. - Mira: Fixing cars is second nature to her, and thanks to her expanded bio we know she also does metal sculptures that incorporate used mechanical parts.

SDU

- Ying: Extreme driving, which can sometimes trigger her PTSD, and traveling. Especially exploring cities by randomly jumping in public transport and just going anywhere. - Lesion: He is also one to volunteer in underprivileged areas (like Junk Bay, where he grew up), and clearing mines and other unexploded devices. I also imagine him with a certain gusto for playing blackjack.

GROM

- Zofia: If obsessing about her father’s supposed suicide and the oddities surrounding it, and desperately trying to reconnect with her sister count as hobbies, sure, she has those. - Ela: She’s also an artist, one with a very particular vision that some have called narcissistic. Apparently she also does some “freelance” volunteer work, roaming the streets at night and offering help/comfort, or a willing ear to the people she meets.

707SMB

- Vigil: He likes to take walks around the forest, just aimless exploring and marvelling at nature and any animals he might come across. Often listens to relaxing music while doing so, and he might pick a pretty rock here and there to bring home. - Dokkaebi: Hacking is her hobby, of course. She also has several social media profiles and is an active member in a couple of hacking forums. As per a previous battlepass, I believe she enjoys mountain trekking too. And dancing to electro beat, due to her elite.

CBRN

- Lion: His rebel years left him with an appreciation for rock music and a dream to be in a group. Lion still plays the electric guitar, when he’s not off volunteering at the local church. - Finka: Pushed by her parents from a young age to try different sports, just like her siblings, she eventually discovered a strong love for fencing and ice-skating.

GIS

- Maestro: Cooking, and boxing, an interest he shares with Smoke. But mostly cooking. - Alibi: She’s also a marksman, engages Ash in friendly shooting competitions.

GSUTR

- Clash: She’s very involved in different activist causes, mostly surrounding racial issues and inequality. - Maverick: Photography, mostly nature or candid shots of his fellow operators. I also think he likes horses and riding. And Buzkashi of course, but he hasn’t played since he left Kabul.

GIGR

- Kaid: Playing chess, he’s a good strategist and it shows. And  while dozing off with a cat on his lap is not a hobby, he also loves that. - Nomad: Traveling to all sorts of remote locations, she’s an explorer with a thirst to prove herself. She also keeps a travel journal, which includes maps and some drawings of the places she’s seen.

SASR

- Mozzie: Dirt biking, of course. The more dangerous the jumps and stunts are, the more he likes it. He knows his limits and works to surpass them. - Gridlock: Robotics. She still wants to compete again in robot championships, just like she and Mozzie did so many years ago. She would consider that fixing cars and vehicles has become more part of her job than a hobby, but still loves it too.

Phantom Sight

- Nokk: Fencing, as evidenced by some of her concept art, she participated in fencing tournaments. - Warden: He knows appearances are important, and he cultivated a very specific image, so he likes to take care of that, be it by buying luxury or antique cars, or designer suits, etc.

Ember Rise

- Amaru: Archeology and exploring the Amazon jungle is her passion. It used to be her whole life and job, but since she joined Rainbow, she’s been busy with training and missions, yet she never lost her love for adventure, history and protecting her country’s cultural artifacts. - Goyo: He’s a really good chess player, and enjoys other games where he either has to think, or his usual poker face and calm demeanor can throw his opponents off.

Shifting Tides

- Kali: When she’s not writing reports about her underlings progress, or making lists about who should be ascended/rewarded, who needs to be punished or chastised, etc, she’ll be doing yoga, since it helps her focus. Or hardcore pilates when she needs to burn away some frustration first. - Wamai: Diving and being underwater in general, be it on his special immersion tanks or on the actual sea, it doesn’t matter. He finds it calming (and he’s addicted to the anoxia sensation)

Void Edge

- Iana: Space exploration fascinates her, and she’s always trying to learn everything she can about the cosmos, watching documentaries and conducting her own in-depth research. - Oryx: Wrestling helps him hone his physical prowess, and it’s also a measured outlet for his deep seated rage. He also greatly enjoys reading poetry.

Steel Wave

- Melusi: She’s committed to the conservation cause, which stems from both her love of wildlife and nature, and her protective instincts. She likes to explore too, although she’s not driven by a will to prove herself or reach certain goals, but simply for the joy of seeing natural spaces. - Ace: Social Media. He’s obsessed with his public image and popularity. While he travels quite a bit, it seems he does it more to share new and exciting selfies on Instagram than for the pleasure of visiting new places.

Shadow Legacy

- Zero: He knits and crochets, it’s an engaging hobby that helps him clear his mind, plus he enjoys making stuff too. Not many people know about this side of him though. 

Neon Dawn

- Aruni: She and Hero, her giant pouched rat, volunteer on landmine detection and removal efforts. She also likes to travel extensively, and has done so in the company of Twitch and Nomad.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

I’ll leave what I’m chasing - Part 2

I hope people like the name (and that my research was right)

(AO3 link)

“How long did she say she’d be?” It’s not the first or even the second time Robert’s asked that since they stopped talking and he’s been pacing ever since Aaron had told him Sarah was bringing them home.

“An hour, but knowing Seb he’s conned her into buying ‘just one more cookie Ganma’ or an extra go on the swings. He’s got her wrapped round his little finger and she loves it. Why don’t you sit down.” He does, replacing the pacing with twisting the corner of the cushion in his fingers. “Robert, it’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that. What if Seb doesn’t remember me, or the baby hates me.”

“Now you’re being daft. Seb knows exactly who you are, he has a photo right beside his bed, and your Mum has our wedding photos on nearly every surface. We talk about you loads. As for Ana she doesn’t have it in her to hate you.”

“He calls her Ganma? Mum?”

“Oh. Yeah, we were going with Grandma weren’t we, and my Mum was Nana. R’s were a bit of a struggle for a while so Ganma it is.”

“Speaking of your Mum, I thought there’d be a welcoming committee or something. A few pitchforks maybe.” He tries to smile, but Robert really doesn’t know how he’s hit the nail on the head. Thankfully he’s saved by the sound of Sarah’s key in the lock, and Robert jumping to attention at the sound.

“Later.” He rests a hand on Robert’s shoulder as he heads to the door to see Sarah struggling with the pushchair and a bouncing Seb. “Just how much of a sugar rush are we going to be suffering later?”

“Oh hush.” She glances past his shoulder. “Everything ok?”

“Getting there.”

“Good. Right, well I’ll leave you to it. Robert, come round later, we’ll have a chat, ok?” With that she’s gone, leaving Aaron to lift Ana from the buggy.

“Seb, mate, stop jumping a sec, you’re making me dizzy.” He glances over his shoulder to see Robert frozen into place, just staring at the three of them. “There’s someone here to see you. Do you remember we talked about Daddy Robert coming home?”

Robert’s still just standing there and Seb’s pulling back on his hand as he tries to convince him to go closer. Seb’s shy with anyone new and as much as they’ve talked about him, it’s still strange for him that he’s stood in front of him and Aaron’s willing him to actually move and speak to his son.

“You want to say hello? It’s ok mate.”

“You said he was far ‘way.”

“I know and he was but he’s home now, see, and I think he would really like a hug because he’s missed you so much.”

“And Ana?”

“Yeah. So what do you say?” Seb looks between him and Robert a few times before all but launching himself at Robert who barely manages to catch him as he barrels into his legs. He watches them for a bit, pressing a kiss to Ana’s head.

It still felt slightly surreal, that Robert was here, that they were all together and he feels the tears start to run down his cheeks, Ana’s little hands patting them. “It’s ok sweetheart, I’m not sad. You want to meet your Daddy, huh?”

Robert’s got Seb on his hip, the little boy babbling away in his ear, trying to tell him everything he knows in ten seconds flat.

“Seb, can I borrow Daddy a minute? So he can say hi to Ana?”

“Ok, but he has to watch my ‘toons with me.”

“I would love to.” Seb nods, satisfied and runs off to switch on the TV. Robert’s staring at Aaron, a slightly bemused look on his face. “He’s amazing.”

“Yeah. He’s got over everything so well, better than I thought. Better than me on some things.” It’s stupid, but he feels nervous, introducing Robert to his daughter. He’d not said much as he’d told him all the little things about her before they came home, has no idea what he’s thinking. “And this is Ana. Sweetheart, this is your Daddy Robert. I’ve told you all about him eh?”

“Ba!”

“Hi.” His eyes are shining with tears as he takes her in his arms and the tension seems to fall out of him. “Hi little Ana. Aaron she’s gorgeous.”

“Eh, she’s alright I suppose.”

“Where did her name come from? I expected...well with your lot I wasn’t really sure what to expect.”

“I didn’t want the usual biblical name, although apparently it’s a hebrew name, but that’s not why I chose it. It’s also the Spanish form of Anna which was as close to Annie as I could get without actually taking your Gran’s name.” He, Vic and Sarah had gone to Spain when news came of Annie’s death and he was a little stunned to find one of their wedding photos on her mantelpiece. He’d known Robert had kept in touch but he’d never mentioned telling her about them, but clearly he had.

“Aaron...I…”

“You weren’t here, but she deserved to have part of you.” Robert doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just staring at her before he hands her back to Aaron and makes his way to the door. “Robert, wait!”

*****

“Robert! What are you doing? You can’t do that!” He catches up with him halfway up the hill behind the village, the wind swirling round them making him wish he’d thought to grab his coat as he’d hurriedly knocked on Sarah’s door asking her to watch the kids.

“Go home Aaron.”

“No! You’re not doing this again. Eighteen months I’ve waited for you. I accepted you cutting me off, I put up with it, but you’re not doing it again. Talk to me!”

“I don’t deserve it. Any of it.” He slumps down onto one of the rocks jutting out of the earth, still wet from the rain and Aaron can’t help but wince a little.

“What are you talking about, of course you do.”

“I don’t. I have a little girl Aaron and she doesn’t know who I am, because I was so stupid. I let her down. I let Seb down. The one thing I promised I would never do to my children.”

“So, what? The solution to that is to let them down again by running away?”

“No I...I just wanted some air. It’s all just...a lot I guess.” He smiles that little half smile of his that always drives Aaron a little crazy.

“Yeah, it is. It was for me and I didn’t have a daughter to meet. Maybe I should’ve waited, let them stay with your Mum for the night, let you get yourself used to being out a bit more.”

“No. I wanted to see them. I s’pose it just hit me how stupid I was. I let myself get caught up in everything even when you told me to stop. I should’ve listened, I should’ve…” He covers his face with his hands and all Aaron can do is hold him as he cries. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, and we’ll talk some more, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Hey, come on, it’s over now. You’re home, with me, and your family.” He shivers in the wind. “You had to find the coldest bit of the village to come to didn’t you.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes.”

“Want to head back? Don’t want to be late for Seb’s cartoons.” Robert nods and Aaron gets to his feet, grimacing at the state of his jeans. “I will warn you that you won’t hear any of them because he’ll talk all the way through about everything and anything. Remember when you were worried that he wasn’t talking? He got over that and then some.”

“I can’t wait.” He still seems hesitant though, a little lost.

“You know, it’s ok if you need to go off, be on your own or whatever, but just tell me. When you ran out, it scared me.”

“I promise.” He takes hold of Aaron’s hand, grip firm, and smiles as they start to make their way back to the village. “You still haven’t told me how Mum came to be living in our other flat. Last I knew she was happy up in Whitby.”

“She was, but when Ana arrived I struggled a bit and needed some help. She was early and I wanted to stay with her so your Mum came up to help with Seb. I think she was having so much fun she didn’t want to go home. She was staying with Vic, but they had a few disagreements about Luke which made things difficult so when Liv moved back to Dublin it just made sense for her to move in.”

“And she hasn’t taken over? Because I know she has trouble taking no for an answer when it comes to family.”

“No. We’re getting on fine. I wouldn’t have coped without her.” The truth was he’d asked her to stay but he can’t get into that without telling Robert everything that’s been going on with his family, and he doesn’t want to get into that right now. He’d felt so alone, a new baby to cope with and making sure Seb didn’t feel left out, without any help. Sarah had been a godsend.

“Sure you would. Your lot must’ve been there. A new baby, they’d be over the moon.”

“Yeah, well, they’ve all had a lot on.”

“Aaron, what’s going on. That’s the second time you’ve blown off my question about your family. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy my Mum’s here and that the two of you are getting on so well but there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Not today, eh? Today I just want to enjoy having my husband back.”

“And you definitely want that? Me, I mean.”

“I don’t trek all the way up here for just anybody you know. I never wanted anything else you know that.” Robert looks away, guilt all over his face. “Hey stop looking like that. I know why you did it, and I understood, I’m just saying that there was never a question whether I’d want you back.”

“So what now?”

“Now we go home, watch cartoons with our son and play with our daughter. Everything else can wait.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

**GENERAL JUNK**

How many people do you know with the same first name as you? I don’t know any other Stephanie’s anymore, actually, which is crazy cause I always had a few in my classes growing up.

What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? Uhh. I don’t know what I would say is the best one.

What were you doing at this time yesterday? Just barely getting up.

Have you done anything drastic to alter your physical appearance recently? No.

Is there anything bothering you right now? I feel crappy and I’m in pain, but what’s new.

Are you wearing shoes right now? No.

How old were you in 2005? I turned 16.

Pro-life/Pro-choice? Pro-choice.

Are you wearing anything purple? No.

Do you live east or west of the Mississippi River? West.

Have you ever been to Chicago? Nope.

Do you drive a stick-shift? I don’t drive at all. Have you kissed anyone who’s name started with A, K, M, or T? I have not.

Do you have a sister? I do not.

Where are you right now? I’m in my room sitting on my bed. Do you straighten your hair? I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

Do you have a gym membership? Nope.

Can you count to 10 in another language? I can in Spanish.

Is there a calendar in the room you are in? There’s two. They’re both old, though. I just keep them because they’re Alexander Skarsgard calendars.

Is it possible you could be pregnant? There’s zero percent chance.

How long is it until your birthday? It’s 4 months away.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No.

Was your mother married when she had you? No.

**LASTS**

What was the last thing you drank? A venti caramel macchiato with soy from Starbucks. They were out of peppermint syrup today for some reason, so I couldn’t get my usual peppermint white chocolate mocha. :(

Last thing you ate? Scrambled eggs, biscuits, and hash browns smothered in country gravy.

What was the last movie you watched in theaters? The Invisible Man. It was the last movie I saw in theaters right before the pandemic hit.

What was the last thing you watched on tv? Dr. Phil.

Who was the last person to text you? My brother.

Who was the last person to call you? My mom.

Where was the last place you went? My doctor appointment back in January.

When did you last hang out with your 22nd phone contact? I’m not checking. I probably don’t even have 22 contacts. Who was the last person to comment you? My mom commented on something I shared to her Facebook.

When was the last time you kissed someone? It’s been 8 years now.

When was the last time you stayed out all night? I’ve never stayed out all night. I think the latest was maybe like 2AM.

When was the last time you went to Walmart? Back in February of last year.

What is the last digit of your phone number? --

When was the last time you were in the car for more than an hour? Like 2 years ago.

Where was your last vacation to? Disneyland.

Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom.

When was the last time you had to be up before 7 AM? For aforementioned Disneyland trip last year. 

Who was the last person(s) you took a photo with? My brother.

When was the last time you saw your dad? Last night. He goes to work before I get up so I haven’t seen him yet today.

Why did you cry the last time you did? Life and frustrations.

When was the last time someone gave you a compliment? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you locked your keys in the car/locked yourself out? Never. I don’t drive so I don’t have a car.

What was the last thing you spent money on? Doordash this morning.

**FINISH THE SENTENCE**

I should probably: Just stay in bed all day and try to rest. My aunt left yesterday after staying for over a week and while she and I are close and I enjoy visiting with her, a week was just a lot for me. I don’t have the energy for all that socializing anymore and I get rundown and overwhelmed very easily now, so it was just draining for me and I’m feeling exhausted. My routines and schedules got thrown off as well. 

When I can’t sleep: So what do I do every night? I watch YouTube videos, listen to ASMR, scroll through Tumblr, and do surveys.

I need more: Energy.

Right now I would love: To go back to sleep. I’ve slept even worse this past week than I already do.

My last kiss was: 8 years ago.

If I could, I would: Fall back asleep.

When I’m pissed: I cry.

I am listening to: A YouTube video.

I never leave the house without: Well, now I can’t leave without a mask.

I believe in: God.

I am wearing: Leggings and a short sleeve graphic tee.

I tend to daydream when: I zone out a lot.

My grandma is: no longer living. :( I have my paternal grandmother still, fortunately, but I call her Nana.

After this I am going to: Do another survey.

[polygamyff]

Epilogue

“Also write down that we both are going to have a brunch in California, meeting business partners. Do not forget Malik, honestly” this nigga forgets things “I have wrote it down, well typed it out. I will be there. Do you want anything for lunch? I am going to pick up a pizza?” Malik asked, I paused thinking do I really want a pizza or not “I don’t want pizza, get me a sandwich. Anything, surprise me” Malik nodded his head as he left my office, that is one thing done now let me get these cheques signed off that need to be done “incoming” the intercom came on out of nowhere, I hate that shit and Ally be scaring me with it. My office door burst open “I got here first!!” Reign screamed, frowning at both Reign and Romano “uhm, what is this?” looking at Jay, he just shrugged “why are you here and not at home?” watching Reign walk around my desk “because I told Jay he had to bring me here and also” Reign tugged at my chair “I want to sit on your lap!” moving my chair back “also I didn’t want to stay with the nanny, she is boring and mom got called in so I said Jay let’s go and see dad and we can sit with him. Romano snitched on us. He told mom, and then mom started shouting on the phone, but I disconnected the phone” Reign climbed onto my lap “why do you listen to these kids?” I said to Jay “she told me she could fire me!” Jay pointed half shouting “I did not say that I just said it nicely. Jay likes me, so what are we doing dad” I sighed out “you know your mom is going to drive me crazy, are you ok Romano. Come here” waving him over, he seems out of breath “you both been running around the hotel again” moving back in my chair “I am tired dad” he whined “he is unhealthy dad, I said it to him” Reign does not stop, wrapping my arm around him “you’re only seven Reign, stop acting grown. He is not unhealthy” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “we said bye to the nanny though, she told me I was naughty but dad! Listen to me” Reign grabbed my head “I am listening, what is it?” looking at her “the baby is annoying, all he does is cry” I chuckled “that is what babies are like Reign, you’re supposed to be a good big sister” Reign pulled a face “I don’t want to be it anymore, can I do something dad! Can I do work with you” I ain’t about to do any type of work now.

I got to laugh, Malik bought pizza for himself and my kids ate it for themselves “uncle, can you take us to get candy?” poking my head up “no, Malik ignore Reign. You sit there and finish that drawing and eating whatever Malik gave you” my desk phone started to ring, picking it up “Maurice” I answered, “I been trying to call your mobile, why do you keep putting it down!” Robyn spat, looking at Reign “your daughter has my phone, Reign! Have I had phone calls on my phone” Reign looked at me with her cute little face and puppy dog eyes “no” she shook her head “she said no” I answered Robyn “don’t let her use you Maurice, you know she did. I specifically told her to not go anywhere, I told Jay to ignore her. I left her with the nanny, and this is what she does!” Robyn is not happy “I know but she is bored at home” I am siding with my daughter, Robyn is not going to like it “but what I say goes Maurice, you know that. My son told me; mommy Reign is telling us to go. You speak to her before I do” I am not the strict one “she is just demanding; she means well Bonita” Robyn scoffed “pootie, no. I got called in anyways, so I will see you tonight” that means she isn’t cooking “uh, ok. I wanted to ask baby; I thought your mom is coming back today?” I swear she was “you want her back because she can handle Reign, but her flight got delayed, I said to her that dick made her late. She is loving this man a little too much” I chuckled “no problem, love you speak soon” Terry is always away now with this new man “love you too pootie” she disconnected the call “Reign-Texas” putting the phone the down “uh oh” she said, she knows “why are you upsetting your mom? Sabes lo molesta que se pone tu mama” Reign got up from the floor “No papi, no yo, estoy Buena” Reign made her way to me saying, she makes me so soft “what am I going to do with you” I sighed out “me estás mintiendo?” I said, Reign shook her head “no papi” I can’t be angry with her “mom said she can’t speak Spanish in the house” Romano shouted “Cállate idiota!” Reign shouted back “it’s because he doesn’t know dad, this is because we know and he don’t” putting my hand over her mouth “ok, no more Spanish now” Reign be getting me in trouble.

These kids are driving me crazy, so I am going home early “did you sign anything or do anything?” Ally asked me “no, sorry. Malik will do it” if Romano holds my hand then Reign has to hold my hand, it’s just a constant back and forth with them “Ally! When are you coming to the home again? Jay misses you” Ally laughed at Reign “he does? Tell me more?” Ally said smirking “well I would but you need to come to my tea party, I invited you” shaking my head “anyways, I am going now. Come on, say bye to Ally” Jay is holding the elevator open for us “taking your damn time!” Jay spat “go and run to Jay” I said, they both let my hand go as they ran off “have a good evening Mr Davenport” one of my workers said “thank you” watching Romano run back to me “what you doing back big man?” picking him up “because then I can hug you in peace, Reign is annoying” I chuckled at Reign clocking him “hey, he cheated” stepping onto the elevator “we all cheated, let’s just go home and you can then explain to the nanny why you left her. And I mean Reign” Jay is laughing “is that because Robyn has scolded you to take action?” Jay asked but he knows damn well Robyn has demanded it “yes, and I have to obey. The women in my life are too demanding. I can’t take it” not even going to lie but I don’t really get to give my attention to Romano as much as I do Reign because she wants it constantly.

Stepping off of the elevator “what is this, daddy day care?” my sister pointed “you made it and yes it is, Malik is waiting for you, but I have to go home. These kids out here playing around” putting Romano down “hello Haviah, come here. Give uncle a hug” my niece looks so damn cute “go and give uncle a hug” my sister said, hugging Haviah “awww you want to come to uncle house today?” picking her up “I am seeing daddy today” letting out an oh “that is ok then you can come another day, Shawn seeing her then” placing her down “yes he is, for the weekend. He is picking her up from here” nodding my head “all is well then, and no. Shawn can drop dead, I am not over it after all these years” Nalah laughed as I walked by her “have a good weekend!” I hope I do; Robyn be giving me orders and we have to do fun things for the kids when I just want to rest “dad, can we go and get some candy. I mean we are already out?” Reign asked “nope, we have things at the house you can pick from, we are going straight home” I am not going to go nowhere.

Walking up the steps “why can’t you just open the baby gate Reign, climbing over it for. It is dangerous” picking Romano and placing him over the baby gate “hey Ramiro, hey little man. I missed you” opening the baby gate, my son in this walker is a nightmare, he is everywhere “awww you coming to me, and nice seeing you here” picking Ramiro out of the walker “thought I would pop in” pressing a kiss to his cheek “say hi to grandma and say sorry to Krista and Selena now!” I said to Reign and Romano, they both out here acting out “I am, Romano you go first!” shaking my head lightly watching my daughter bully him, I am just going to keep quiet on this because I am not choosing favourites “how have you been anyways?” my mom asked “erm ok, just busy with work really trying to get some deal out and meetings. What about yourself?” things have repaired between myself and my mother and that really makes me happy “I am ok Maurice, moving to the new apartment with Malik has been fun. He has done most of the work anyways” nodding my head smiling “well it’s been a long time coming. Both of you moving in together, Selena. Do you accept their sorry? It’s ok if you don’t” she laughed “I do, they are both sorry” Reign stuck her tongue out at me “Reign, shall we go and play in my room now?” Romano asked, “boy room is horrible, let’s go in mine” Reign ran ahead “play nicely please” one of them will be crying soon.

Robyn is back very late; I mean she isn’t even back yet “are you in bed then Mi Amor?” knocking on her door as I walked in “yes dad! No!! Romano can’t come in” she pointed “then I am not coming in either, my boy is either coming in or we both not” Reign scoffed “you make everything so hard dad! Fine” picking Romano up and sitting him at the side of Reign’ bed “so you want a story or just a kiss goodnight tonight” Reign stopped to think “tell us more about granddad” Romano pointed at the picture on Reign’ side table, staring at the picture of my dad and Reign. I do miss that man, a lot “you don’t remember him, the end” I chuckled “why are you so rude? Romano was just a baby still, I mean you don’t remember much either” correcting Reign “but I have lots of pictures and I do remember, he liked me” rolling my eyes “anyways, he was a very strict man” grabbing the seat from Reign’ vanity table “you got to put that back dad” sitting down on it “I always do, so” Romano got off from Reign bed and sat on my lap “he was bought up in a strict household and he did the same with me, he loved me but he showed me everything the hard way and showed me the hard way about things, but the difference with me is I want to show you all love, equally. Nobody is better then the other, not like Reign thinks” Reign’ face lit up “hi mom!!” she spat, Romano straight ran off to her, looking behind me “dad is boring us” my son is such a mommies boy “I can tell, you all should be asleep now. I will put him to sleep Maurice” Robyn said, nodding my head “mom still angry with me?” my daughter is just so grown, and so bossy “she gets annoyed that I let you off, she thinks you are my favourite” Reign smirked “but you’re my favourite, you’re my hero dad” getting up from the seat “stop it now” I said.

Reign is my favourite; she is actually my everything and I adore her so much. She gets my attention the most, this is the reason why she knows Spanish because she spent the most time with me and Robyn is trying to stop that and I don’t want to be like my dad but you do have that child you like the most, Reign is just like me “I missed you Bonita, what happened today? It was your time off” closing the bedroom door behind me “it was an emergency and I was the closest person they could call up on but then I get a call from Jay and I hear Romano telling me they are on a trip” placing my hands at the side of Robyn’ face, pecking her lips “we have head strong kids, Romano is no angel either. He is quiet with it” wrapping my arms around Robyn “we do, them two are like twins to me but did you hear? Ally is pregnant” I gasped “huh, what? I wasn’t told this!” I spat “office gossip doesn’t get around? She literally text me saying, how sweet is that. Did your mom come today? She wanted to see the kids, least your mom comes back. My mother is living her damn life, this home isn’t no hotel” Robyn is funny “let her have fun, she deserves. Grumpy” I always knew Terry would find herself a rich man that would love her.

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x07 - Como La Flor

Apologies for being so late this week!! Lots of translating to do, and research. Mucho gracias to @queenrikki for reviewing this one for me!

EPISODE SUMMARY:

OLD WOUNDS — Liz (Jeanine Mason) is forced to revisit a painful part of her past when her mother Helena (guest star Bertila Damas) shows up at the diner unexpectedly. Michael (Michael Vlamis) urges Maria (Heather Hemmens) to seek help after she experiences a strange vision, and Kyle’s (Michael Trevino) attempt to get Steph (guest star Justina Adorno) to open up doesn’t go as planned. Finally, Helena’s arrival in Roswell sends Rosa spiraling. Nathan Dean and Lily Cowles also star. Barbara Brown directed the episode written by Danny Tolli & Carolina Rivera (#207). Original airdate 4/27/2020. 

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel both describing to Rosa how it feels to use (and control) your powers.

Isobel:

"Ground your intention.  Feel the current running through your body, your hands guiding it with purpose."

Max:

"Okay, draw energy from your spine…"

Arturo on Rosa:

"I heard a little mouse crying in her room this morning."

Escamoles - like Liz says in the episode, they're ant larvae. One article I found called them "the Caviar of the Mexican desert". 

Helena calls Liz "mi corazón", which means "my heart".

"Arturito, te ves bien."

Arturo, you look good.

Adding "ito" to someone's name in Spanish can both be positive or negative.  It can refer to smallness or also tenderness (like an affectionate pet name).

@tasyfa pointed out that there was a little timeline error in this scene.  Arturo says that he hasn't seen Helena in 7 years, since Jim Valenti's funeral, but last season it was established in 1x12 that Valenti died in 2014.  Also, remember the show is a year behind reality right now, so it's still 2019. So off by 2 years.

The reason for Helena's visit - transferring her ownership of the Crashdown for Liz so that Liz can sponsor Arturo's residency for citizenship. I did a lot of research trying to understand and clarify why this is.  Thanks to those who weighed in when I was struggling to find a clear answer. Eventually I reached out to Define American, the non-profit org that provides support to the show on racial and immigration related issues.  Here's the response:

The short version is that Liz has to meet minimum income requirements in order to sponsor Arturo, because she has to be able to certify that she can financially support him.  Since she's currently unemployed except for the Crashdown, transferring half of the ownership to her makes her a business partner and helps her to meet the income requirements. 

The Spanish:

"¿Cuánto quieres, Mamá?" 

How much do you want, Mama?

"She has a very thoughtful manicure."

If you don't understand, it's cool. I'm not going to explain here.  Feel free to DM me though! I won't judge, promise!!

Narrative thread about Max's nightmare/memory continues from 2x03 and 2x06.  Don't forget that 2x03 was just Isobel remembering it. Max was a hallucination. So when he brings it up here, it might be something they haven't discussed in a very long time.

The Spanish from Rosa on her red jacket:

"Eres una mujercita."

Basically translates to you're a little woman or young woman.  I assume the "cita" is supposed to be diminutive here.

"Mom is an opportunist.  If she found out she had a kid who came back from the dead she would use you to get to Anderson Cooper. And then she'd use him to promote her latest lounge singer gig."

"Isobel pays double.  Becky tax." 

A Becky, according to common colloquial use, is an annoying white woman, usually entitled and privileged.

Lead bartender quit..meaning there's a job opening at the Pony…hmm. Wonder if any of our characters need a job... 🤔

Maria's vision:

Michael drops the change

Flash to Kyle dropping his keys & bending down to pick them up.

Kyle staring into a bright light.

Maria shouting his name.

"My heart was broken.  Liz ended things and a part of me died."

Max's story to Valenti… not all THAT far off from the truth.

Note: has anyone told him about Valenti investigating him? We know Liz and Isobel were questioned.  Michael was present when Liz was questioned. Kyle knows the whole theory his mom was pursuing. And he just wanders in there like nothing happened?

"Try leading several short staffed investigations with the mayor breathing down your neck."

Another subtle reference to the mayor, including the election banners hung around town in S2 and his "anti-immigrant agenda" which was referenced in S1.

Max has been with the department since he was 18 - this is the first time we learned that.  In 2x05 we learned he was there at 21. So that timeline has now been further clarified. Which also means he was hired during Jim Valenti's time as Sheriff.

"I need eyes on you at all times now."

Definitely implies a lack of trust, or possibly still wanting to keep an eye on him for the purpose of her investigation (not a fact, just a theory).

Steph tells Kyle that she's always hanging around the hospital because she's doing admin work for her dad.

"I'm starting to feel like you're a ghost who only I can see."

"Ask them if they can see me. Or if you were just talking to a ghost." 

Note that ghosts have been a running theme this season with Rosa returning from the dead. This seems to be in line with that. Or are they subtly tying Steph to Rosa (I'm grasping at straws here, probably).

Liz leaves the safe on 3...but before she changes it is on 81. Helena leaves it on 78 after stealing the ring. Good continuity, RNM!

The whole "my mom hates cops" theme is a little confusing to me.  I mean, it makes sense given what we know about Helena. Except that she had an affair with Jim Valenti, who was… a cop. And also an addict.  Maybe it was different because they rehabbed together (just an assumption, not a fact). Or maybe the Jim experience contributed to her dislike of cops.

Liz...might be grasping at straws when she refers to police work as "something you love" to Max.  He didn't exactly seem enamoured by the job when we first met him in Season 1.

First time we learn Max and Isobel's father's name. And it is… Dave. 🤔

The Spanish Helena uses when she meets Max:

"Pero que guapo estas."

But how handsome you are.

"Cuidado Arturito."

Careful, Arturo…

Helena found Liz and Diego's wedding registry online. 

“Look there are medical reasons for non-drug-induced hallucinations - epilepsy, schizophrenia…”

“My mom has a degenerative brain disease. My grandma did too. I've always known I'd be next.”

Helena wanted to be Selena.

Which fits with Liz's lounge singer comment earlier.

And the "drunkenly singing in the car with your daughters in the backseat" fits with the story Liz and Rosa discussed in 2x02 about the car accident they got into as kids with Helena driving drunk.

Helena shows Liz her ten years sober chip, suggesting that she's been sober since Rosa died, but Rosa finds pills in Helena's car later in the episode.  Oxycodone. The same drug that Rosa used to steal from her mom as a kid (which we learned about in 2x04) and the same drug that she and Kyle discussed when he was checking her health in 2x01.

During Helena's toast to Rosa:

Preciosa = precious

Rosa Linda… still not sure personally if this is a continuity error or a pet name.  I’m inclined to go with a pet name. Throughout the whole episode Helena uses lots of pet names, nicknames, diminutives to address people. Rosa Linda may be just another version of this since Rosa's middle name was pretty well established as Helena in Season 1 between her grave, memorial pamphlet, etc.

Kyle calls attention to Steph's bandage on her arm.  She says she gave blood, but it feels like she's evading.

Also she calls him McDreamy, which is a Grey's Anatomy reference. Kyle called himself McSexy (another Grey's nickname) in 1x08 as well.

Note: I've seen some people talk about the speech about his sick friend as being about Maria, but I think he's really talking about Steph.  Or both, vaguely. He's certainly trying to get Steph to open up to him. Here's what he says:

"I just found out a friend of mine is sick. And I can't do anything to help her. And I hate feeling helpless."

Only after Steph puts her walls back up, does he gesture to Mimi's files.

The Spanish:

"Oh, ándale, gùero."

Ándale is like, go! Or let's go! Gùero we discussed earlier...basically white boy.

Por favor - please 

Rosa's art that we first saw in 2x05 now looks finished:

Isobel's graffiti "In Pod We Trust"

Both Isobel and Rosa's graffiti:

Isobel's assessment of Rosa's art

"That's a black hole. An unstoppable force of destruction. And it's getting closer. I see a girl looking into her own doom. She thinks it's inevitable, that she can't stop it, but she can. See, she created it. That means she can destroy it."

Rosa on Isobel's efforts to help her:

"You and Max, you keep talking about harnessing emotion and grounding myself, right? But I can't do that.  It is in my DNA to be screwed up. Literally. My mom's mentally ill. So, so am I. I was broken long before Noah did what he did. That's why he chose me to prey on.  That's probably why he chose you too."

Maria on her grandmother:

"When I was a child my Grandma Patty was the only adult who understood my make-believe world. Thing is, I was six.  So my favorite things about her were just illness, I guess…"

Maria on her mom:

"She was always kind of out there.  By the time I realized it was more than that, I just became obsessed with money. Wanted to be able to take care of her. I invested everything Grandma Patty left me, and I worked, scrounged.  It was about three days after my mom was finally fired from her job at the Pony, I bought the place."

Maria's blood does not contain the alien protein that Kyle found in the Pod Squad and Rosa after being in the Pod for a decade. (and yes, he actually said Pod Squad, which feels like an OG fandom victory)

"Look, there is one thing I noticed in your grandmother's file. Her insurance company is the same one that paid for my dad's cancer treatments...My dad got cancer because of an alien incident at Caulfield Prison. A fake insurance company established by Project Shepherd covered his bills."

"Okay so my grandmother got sick at the same alien prison where your mother died?"

More Spanish (there's lots of it this week).

Helena, when she gestures to the present:

"Abre tu regalo."

Open your gift.

Quinces is just slang for Quinceanera.

Just in case you're not familiar with quinceaneras (Liz's was also referenced in 1x02).

"Mija, me enseñas tus prom photos?"

Daughter, show me your prom photos.

Regarding the power outage.  Liz thought it was Max. Max thought it was Rosa. But the wire is frayed, like it was cut or chewed through. So it wasn't alien power related.  When Arturo finds the wire though, he says, "Must have been a little mouse." Which is how he referred to Rosa earlier in the episode. So the question is, does he actually think it was a mouse? Or does he think Rosa cut the wire? And if Rosa did cut the wire, then why? To distract them while she goes after her mom's car?

In the big Liz/Helena argument, Helena calls Max “a güerito cop”.  Güero means white person, similar to the more commonly used gringo.  But by adding the “ito” onto the end (like discussed before), Helena is basically diminuitizing Max.  She’s using the “smallness” above to basically imply that he’s some white nobody.

“I may not be the PTA mom who made cookies for bake sales or hosted sleepovers, but I sacrificed everything to come to this country to give you a better life.”

This is...not actually true.  Liz and Rosa are both natural born U.S. citizens, born in Roswell.  So she didn’t “come to this country” for that reason. She was already here when Liz and Rosa came into the picture.  And it’s not like she came pregnant with Rosa or anything, since Rosa is Jim Valenti’s daughter.

The ring that Helena took was ARTURO'S mother's ring.  It wasn't even Helena's family's heirloom.   

Liz and Arturo sharing flan for dessert.  At the start of the episode before Helena arrived they discussed making flan for Rosa.

Arturo admits that he always knew the truth about Rosa's heritage. (*fistpump* that's one of my headcanons coming true). 

"Rosa es mi hija, siempre y para toda la vida."

Rosa is my daughter, always and for life.

"Maybe you're right. I am playing the hero. Just like you're playing the politician's perfect arm candy.  See, I did a little digging. And your boyfriend, Dirk-- he ran for city council. It's very impressive. But there's no mention of your daughters. I'm guessing Dirk doesn't even know about Liz or Rosa.  Does he know anything about you, Helena? 'Cause it would be such a shame if he found out about a little town called Roswell."

Helena gives Max the ring, but keeps the box… maybe that's what Helena really wanted?

Huevos = eggs.  Basically, slang for balls.

"I know that face.  You uncovered a massive conspiracy."

"I checked the Caulfield drives. No sign of a Patricia DeLuca, but there was a Patricia Harris. Her maiden name. She signed up to participate in an experimental trial. Government was interested in weaponizing alien abilities. They wanted to create super soldiers. Your grandma was one of the first human subjects."

"Kind of wish I was an alien instead."

"What happened to the experiment?"

"It was a total failure. Caulfield shut it down in the '70s after people started dying. I don't understand how your grandmother got involved."

"I do. Henrietta Lacks, Tuskegee, Holmesburg.  The DeLucas aren't the first black people to be secretly experimented on."

Highly encourage you to read these if you're unfamiliar with any of these references.  It's African-American history (and really a black mark on U.S. history) that's rarely taught in schools.

Henrietta Lacks:

Tuskegee:

Holmesburg:

Reality versus Maria's flashes… great gifset by @rosaortecho on this here:

Kyle rips his jacket, staggers out to the parking lot, drops his keys, and is almost hit by a car, but Michael throws him out of the way with his powers (and Kyle still ends up injured because he lands on a glass bottle).

"Now that we know your illness is related to Caulfield we can find a cure for it."

"Maybe it's not an illness. I saw the future today, Guerin. When I first found out Grandma Patty was experimented on, I was furious.  But what if my genetic inheritance isn't just injustice? It's also actual superpowers. Saved a life today. And not just any life-- Kyle Valenti's. Tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives."

Liz and Rosa's dueling big sister act is super fascinating.  Rosa admits that she wasn't going to burn the car, and then she saw Liz crying, felt helpless, and that's when her powers went all wacky and caused it to explode.

Meanwhile, Liz has spent the whole episode trying to keep Rosa safe from Helena, and is trying to comfort her here by talking about Helena's sobriety.

But--Rosa stole Helena's pills, so she knows Helena is not sober, and she doesn't tell Liz that.  Why? To protect her.

At some point these two should probably stop keeping secrets to protect each other and start actually sharing what they know.

Kyle stitches himself up.

Steph quoted in this scene:

"I was up in the gallery contemplating American downfall thanks to progressive socialism."

"People tend to bail when things get real. I'm not into that."

Cameron's car was impounded a couple hours away.

Max is turning in his badge and gun and is turning down desk duty to search for Cam.

Isobel and Michael's discussion at the Pony:

"Do you think that Noah chose me because I was already broken?"

"I think you are the only one of us who ever keeps it together."

"I'm serious, Michael. The night that drifter attacked me, why am I the only one who started blacking out? I mean, Max literally murdered a man, but I'm the one who breaks?"

"You were traumatized. We were kids. At that age, trauma gets etched on to your soul."

"But what if it's not in my soul? What if it's in my DNA? Look, my whole life, I've played Stepford wife, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. But...I need to understand myself now. I need to know where I'm from.  And if I don't know who my biological parents are, how am I ever gonna know who I really am?" 

"What are you saying, Iz?"

"I know that we said we shouldn't look into the past, but…"

"It keeps pulling you back. Me too. I spent my whole life thinking I'd build a ship and blast off into the ether. And then the minute I decide to leave that all behind and focus on this good thing in front of me, I'm sucked back in. Maria's family was experimented on at Caulfield. I need to find out more so I can find a cure for her illness."

Rosa takes one of her mom's pills. 😭

MUSIC:

1. Cactus Groove "This World"

2. Shelly Fairchild "Drive"

3. Mathis Hunter "Mrs. Vinegar"

4. Big Stone City "Good For Zero"

5. Big Stone City "Way Down Below"

6. Selena "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom"

7. Elizabeth Moen "Best I Can Do"

8. Wagons "Keep Coming Back"

9. AG "Where Is My Mind" (Pixies Cover)

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Dancing lessons

Barry Berkman x reader

Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, violence, guns, cheating, drinking.

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5 ● Part 6 ● Part 7 ● Part 8 ● Epilogue

Part 6

The rumor of sheets moving and the muffled steps on the carpet didn't wake you up, the clock in your nightstand said 02:00 pm and you have been sleeping for about half an hour after your spontaneous marital responsibilities, and you were still tired for the sleepless night; it was the sudden loneliness in the bed that felt wrong enough to make you incorporate in the bed.

"I thought the main purpose of getting married was that the guy will no longer leave in a hurry barely putting on his clothes" you told him and he gave you an strange look that made you feel uncomfortable with your nudity and search for a robe to cover yourself.

"I'm sorry honey, there is already trouble with the merge of the new company" He said putting on his pants and searching for a clean shirt on the closet "I had to head for the office, but I'll be home by 9, and we can have dinner"

"I can cook if you want" you said approaching him and helping him with his tie "Your favorite maybe?" You gave him a sad smile knowing too well what by 9 meant.

"Oh no, you should rest, we can go out or order something" There it was, like always an empty promise to hide the fact that he would stay until 10 or 11 pm at the office, and avoiding trouble at home by not making you put on any effort.

"Sure, there is new place a couple blocks from here I want to try" You said now following the lie "Is an Italian place L'angolo delle delizie maybe you could make reservations" You followed him out of the room and gave him the suitcase he left on the ground.

"Sounds great" He said putting on his jacket, he smiled the way both of you knew it meant we are not doing that "Italian sounds great, specially since you eat a lot of Chinese last night" He add completely innocently, but it light all the alarms in your head and protectively grab your phone, even when he was not looking at it.

"I was just hungry" You lied and he gave you a kiss on the cheek before walking away, the steps down the stairs became distant and one final door closed downstairs and then silence.

And like a stupid little child you started to cry holding yourself, until your legs won't hold you anymore and you feel into the floor, tired and angry at yourself, still holding the phone, you opened to see a text from Barry, one hour after the one you sent.

Sorry, I was filming. Doctor said you can't drink, but I'll bring the money. Meet you at 5.

The fact that he was still concerned about your well being made you smile, and then you were angry for smiling so you throw the phone against the wall and screamed in pain.

It was wrong, you felt guilty without doing anything, and the reason was now completely clear, you wanted to, you wanted for him to make a move on you, since you were too much of a coward to do it yourself.

But he wouldn't, he had a beautiful girlfriend, you saw her face popping up in random tv shows and commercials now an then, and you knew the mere reason you have met was to make her happy. He loved his Sally, with a devotion that was longer lost from you and Alan.

You stand up and picked the phone, then you look at your wedding picture, Juntos para toda la vida Together for life, a nice thing Alan Spanish grandma said on your wedding day, and now it felt more like a sentence.

You repressed the urge to cry again and instead change your clothes for something you could dance with. At least exhausted and covered in sweat you could silence your conscience.

After three hours of miserably following the rythm and two close calls to hit the floor again you lie on the floor completely tired. But maybe a little more peaceful, then Macy's figure came inside and blocked the light before giving you a hand to stan up.

"The four year olds keep giving you a hard time?" She asked once you were on your feet.

"No, I actually cancel class today, I forgot to tell you" You said and pointed at your head "I suffered a minor accident last night"

"And why are you doing this then?" She pointed at your clothes and then the record player "The last time you did that was because you were stressed out about your grandma having her hysterectomy"

You let go a tired sigh and not quite sure why start telling her the whole story, about how things were bad with Alan, about the feelings you had for Barry about how you weren't sure if you were doing something wrong, and she sit there with you listen patiently, maybe because at some point you have done the same for her or maybe just to be a decent human being.

"Berkman huh?" She said finally and then smiled at you "I mean I get it, he can't dance to save his life but he is kinda cute. Remember that rich guy who always sent you flowers after class even when he saw Alan coming home every day? He was hot, you should have chosen him" She said and both of you laughed, somehow talking about it that naturally and without judgment does made you feel better.

"Yeah, I remember, but I was too busy with Alan being promoted and the business here growing I didn't have time to that kind of stuff" you said and she gave you a serious look.

"I don't think you have time now either, but that was 3 year ago and you were deeply in love with him, so no other men seem important, he was as forgetful and workaholic as he is now, you just didn't care, and now Barry Berkman is just a clumsy student who is being polite as midwesterners are" She said, and you appreciate her being direct, but it felt wrong to face the facts like that "And you act like he has shaken your marriage like an earthquake, but the truth is that he hasn't. You have to ask yourself, do you like him or do you simply don't love your husband anymore?"

"I love Alan" You said almost too quickly "But I know what you mean, and you are right maybe Barry is just and excuse to project the little stability my husband and I have, but what can I do?" You ask her and she pointed at the door.

"Thinking quickly because the devil is calling" She said since he was opening the door with a lost look on his eyes and holding another board game under his arm.

***

Y/N I have something to tell you Barry keep rehearsing how to bring up the sensitive information, and yet he was dying to avoid the conversation with her.

"Hey there!" Macy and give her the perfect excuse to not say anything, at least not at the moment.

It all started with Sally's invitation to eat after he finished filming for the day, he pretended Y/N text didn't exist to avoid thinking about her, but he finally give in and spend the rest of the session smiling like a child, thinking about how much he was waiting for 5:00 to meet her again, he even went to a toy store to bought a The office Clue special edition since she had said she love that show, obviously just as a get well present, he said to himself.

He drove to the restaurant, and inside there were already Sally and her friend Monique from the movie she was filming, and he asume her boyfriend, a handsome man in a suit and he looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't place from where.

"Babe you made it!" Sally said happy and gave him a quick kiss making room in the booth for him to sit. "We were about to order without you." She said and then pointed at her friend, "You remember Monique, and this is her boyfriend Alan, he is a commercial lawyer, and works for a big company" She said and the man extended his hand with a incredibly white smile.

And he could see briefly see a discolored line where a wedding band should be, and he remembered that same smile in a wedding picture he had been seeing with guilt that morning.

"Boyfriend? So you are not married?" He said without thinking and the man laughed nervously

"Barry!" Sally said and gave him a playfully look meaning shut up.

"Oh I'm sorry, but you have been talking so much about Monique and how great she is I assume she was already taken" He lied, but the woman felt delighted.

"Oh is too soon to talk about that, we have been dating for, how much sweety? A year? More or less?" She said and Barry smiled trying to pretend he was not hearing any of that.

"Yeah, like a year" He said politely "We should order, I'm starving"

"Oh yeah, honey, he was telling us how he just came back from Dallas, making a big merge with an oil company" Sally said completely unaware of how Barry's fists were clenched on his lap wanting to blow up the smile from that man's face.

The worst part was that he was charming and polite, and a total gentleman with the woman, making the idea of Y/N alone at home waiting for him the more infuriating, after the meal he and Monique left together so Barry had to drive Sally home.

"They were nice right?" She said once they were on the road "I mean she is amazing but they together are really nice people"

"Well..." He started not sure of what he should said "He is fine for her, I mean he was a bit pretentious"

"I mean yeah, but you know he is a very busy and important guy, anyway how was your day? When are you going to let me go with you to one of your classes?" She asked genuinely interested.

"Oh you don't really want to go, I'm still not ready, but it was a good day at the studio, we are almost done" He said and then unable to still silent he ask "Hey if you knew that someone is cheating someone close to you, would you tell them? Or would you prefer to never know?"

"OMG who is cheating?" She asked opening her eyes widely "Jermaine is cheating on Natalie? I knew they wouldn't last" She said putting both of her hands on her face "She is going to be crushed"

"What? No!! I mean I don't know, last time they were fine, is more like an hypothetical question" He said now concerned that maybe Jermaine was in fact cheating on Natalie.

"I don't know, I mean if this person doesn't tell me may be to protect me" She started, after a long pause "But if they are my friends and they didn't tell me I would feel betrayed for them letting me be a fool for so long while someone is making fun of me, on the other hand what if it's a just one time thing and we are having a happy relationship and this only ruined it? I would blame my friends, but how could we be happy if the guy is cheating?? No definitely I would rather know" She said and then gave him a concerned look at Barry "are you sure you are okay?"

"Yeah, totally fine, hey do you wanna go to the movies? I can skip class today" He said with a tight knot on his throat finding a way to avoid Y/N.

"Oh I will love to , but I have a lot of lines to read and prepare for tomorrow" She said and he simply drove her home to later return at the dance studio. Thinking about how will he deliver such terrible news to her friend and that they might not be friends at all after he did.

"Is that The Office special edition of clue?" She asked excited once he was close, getting him out of his thoughts

"Yeah, it is" Barry responded giving her the box "How is your head?"

"Better, I'm just concerned about the hair, are you ready to loose some money?" She smile at him, and he returned the smile, both ignoring Macy rolling her eyes.

"I wanna play too" She said "The more the merrier right? Let's go I wanna take your money"

Things work out better than he expected since Macy's presence was distracting enough so he forgot what he was supposed to tell her, but after a couple hours and a few beers she left, leaving the two of them in an awkward silence.

"How was your day?" She break the silence first picking up the games while he help her clean te table.

"It was fun, after I left I had to make a few errands" He lied "And I was late to shooting, so Andre scream at me, is weird since he is about 1 foot shorter than me, but the movie is going great"

"Maybe he feels threatened by a handsome actor who can dance, and what was the other thing? Speak fluent Italian?" She laughed and he had to stop his mind to fantasize about how this was the perfect domestic life he wanted with her.

"And French" he smirked "I should've put Russian, you could have taught me that two" He said and the smile she gave him completely trusting remind him that he had something else to say. But then a ring went off in the other room and she run to answer.

"No it's okay, yeah I get it, say hi to Tom and Claudia for me ok? We can celebrate tomorrow" She said on the phone and then she hung up violently.

"Everything okay?" He said approaching cautiously.

"Yeah, Alan is working late, and he is going to spend the night with a partner of his firm, apparently they have some issues that were not completely solved in Dallas" She said looking at the floor.

"So he is already in LA?" Barry asked and his curiosity took her by surprise.

"Yeah, he came back in the morning, but he had to leave in a rush in the afternoon" She said and then look at the clock "You know what? Let's go out, let's get drunk, I haven't left the house since last night and honestly I'm perfectly fine"

And before he could argue with her she was already in her room changing to a pair of jeans and a bright blouse, while he keep thinking about the right way to tell her, but apparently that would have to wait, since at the moment she was concerned in putting the most possible amount of alcohol in her system.

"You shouldn't do this" He tried to convince her one last time without success.

"Come on, there is a bar around the corner, I can come back home walking, you either come with me or I'll go alone, what do you say?" She had an special talent to make him say yes and he could only follow her.

"Fine, but just a couple drinks ok?" He said finally walking behind her.

"You wanna do shots?" She said after she have drink three glasses of wine while he was still on the first one.

"Not really" he said.

"Hey gorgeous, 4 shots of my friend Jose" She call the bartender who gave him a judging look at him before serving them. "Ok, let's do this" She said and he look down at the shot glass "No, no, you have to look at me or it doesn't count" she said taking his face on her hand, and that spontaneous touch and intimate look that she gave him was enough for him to loose his mind and drink the burning and delicious liquid without any hesitation.

Two became four and by the sixth round the bartender simply let the bottle and they were more than happy to finish it. He no longer care about what he knew about his moron rich husband, all he care was that she wanted to dance and now he finally feel like he knew how.

They walk together, back to the studio, not caring to walk straight, and with no respect for personal space since they were holding on each other shamelessly.

Once inside she put his rehearsing piece on the record player and before she finish taking of her shoes he took her by the waist, more personal and closer than ever, they move roughly at first but after a few minutes he was following the music perfectly l, with his eyes never leaving hers.

"Well that's the secret" she said once the song was about to end "We should get you drunk before your big scene" The son ended but he did let go of her nor she set his hand free.

"I think is more about the partner" He said pressing her more to his chest.

"Well sadly they want young and beautiful actresses, even they have terrible technique" she said quietly.

"You are young and beautiful" he lowered his face to be a few inches from her mouth.

"I'm also married Barry" She answered, without any will to walk away and move herself closer to him.

"I don't care"

.

Tag list:

@l0ve-0f-my-life

[fictionalboysarejustbetter]

Friendships from Afar

Distance creates a barrier of trust. There are no worries. There is always a safety net to fall back on that protects from hurt or pain. Beginning in second grade, my personal goal had always been to find a singular, perfect friend who lives far away. We could talk openly with each other, and I would have the ability to be myself. The plan is that years later, I would meet this person in the weirdest of circumstances, and we would be best friends forever. It’s even better if this friend is a guy, so then we can both fall in love and get married to live happily ever after.

In second grade, the entire class received school pen pals, and while my fourth-grade pen pal was not ideal, I knew I loved this “secret” letter writing system where I am just Rebecca, nothing more or less. Moving into fifth grade, Mrs. Smith found me a pen pal from China. Through our teachers, we would send each other letters back and forth until the school year was over. From this moment onward, I was hooked; pen pals didn’t care what I looked like or how shy I was or how involved my mother was with the school, I could just be me, and they only knew the information I told them. Without asking for help, I scavenged through the internet, trying to collect pen pals as if they were Webkinz. I was convinced this perfect friend could only be found on pen pal websites that look like they were made by my fellow fifth graders.

Starting in sixth grade, I would spend night after night stalking the profiles of random teenagers on Students of the World, a supposedly “safe” pen pal website for kids. Gender? Who cares. Age? About 10-16. Likes? Reading, of course. Language? English please. I would then press search and sift through hundreds of profiles, finding the perfect candidates to be my best friend. This process was extremely predictable, including:

The teenage boys “looking” for a relationship:

Nathaniel, Age 14, UK

HOBBIES:

Photo

Trips

Cinema, Television

Sports

Reading

Painting, Drawing, Art

Hi! Are you looking for a cool guy to write to? Send me a nice message otherwise you’ll miss something priceless. 

I can speak:

English, French

The liars that claimed they like everything and speak every language:

Janhvi, Age 16, USA

HOBBIES:

Photo

Trips

Clothes

Cinema, Television

Sports

Sciences

Music

Reading

Animals, Nature

Cooking

Collections

Painting, Drawing, Art

Hello !!👩I'm Janhvi .I like to travel.I have traveled in to many countries .Such as india , sri lanka, china, france and more.I like make new friends.message me soon guys.👭👫OUR LIFE IS CHANGE , BUT FRIENDSHIP NEVER BE CHANGE.

I can speak:

English French German Italian Spanish Arabic Chinese Japanese Korean

The students making a profile for class:

Chaya, Age 13, USA

HOBBIES:

Clothes

Cinema, Television

Music

Reading

Animals, Nature

I am looking for a penpal for our school project. I would like to find some in Atlanta, Georgia.

I can speak:

English

I would scroll through these profiles so constantly that I rarely found new profiles. I was judging every profile based off of the person’s name, biography, age, likes, languages, everything. Most people without a profile picture wouldn’t receive an email from me. I tried to avoid messaging anyone from the United States unless they sounded like a major fangirl or fanboy over the books I liked. I automatically favored anyone from Europe, especially if they had an interesting name. But regardless if anyone from anywhere sent me a message first, I would respond back at least once.

Shortly after the search began, I received a message from a girl named Julia from Australia. She and I were the same age, we both needed a friend, and we both liked reading, animals, music, and clothes. Quickly, my life began to revolve around the fourteen hours that always stood between Australia and the United States. Throughout sixth and seventh grade, we would be constantly messaging on the messaging app “kik,” confiding everything deep and useless to each other like best friends do:

Becca says:

Hey, how are you?

Julia says:

Everyones well... Mum and dad start the long drive to melbourne this weekend so everythings kinda topsy turvy :p

How is your family and pets? Im sorry for my rudeness that i didnt ask earlier

Nearlytime for school?

Becca says:

Lol that is fine! I get to school around 8, so normally ill drop off right before, lol i try to remember to tell you but i tend to forget. Theyre good though. Willie and Apricot are happy my grandma left :-P mom and dad are helping me with my ancestry project and exploding of happiness because I got a position in that volleyball club and my sister has been working and spending money :-P her favorite thing to do

Julia says:

Ahh the christmas spirit... Lol is there anyone in the house who loves your grandmother?

Becca says:

Lol we love her because shes family, but no one loves her when shes here if you know what i mean.

What’s up?

For two years, the conversations would continue for hours, as we both wait anxiously for the “ding” on our tablets, indicating a new message. Julia’s father was a firefighter who fought the nasty bushfires that haunted their country. I interviewed him as my hero for my final paper and presentation in my eighth grade English class. I interviewed him through email after our initial plans to Skype were sidetracked by the active wildfires, and I so proudly presented the information about him that you would have thought he was my father.

One day, Julia told me about her divorced parents. Then, she told me about the twins her mom just gave birth to. Then, she explained that she actually has a twin brother and no younger siblings at all. Then, she became an aunt to twin nephews. Then, her house burned down, and she had to move across the country. Then, her parents just moved across town. The stories continued and continued only within months of each other, not adding up in any way, shape, or form. With hope still in my heart, I sent her all three books of The Hunger Games trilogy since she really wanted to read them, but two months later, the books came back in the mail as undeliverable. The address did not exist.

Unable to admit defeat or accept the idea that my best friend might not be real despite all of the evidence, I started to panic. What if she is catfishing me? I’ve seen that show before, and I even gave “her” my address. Whoever this person is could easily come to my house and kidnap me...maybe I should tell my mom and warn the police. But maybe, she just has a really hard life, and she compulsively lies to make herself feel better? Maybe, she just really wants attention, and that’s why none of her stories are adding up. Besides it could still be her, she may just be scared. She could have just lied and is younger than she said and is trying to sound cool to impress me.

With these panicked thoughts raging through my body like wildfire, I blocked her from kik and began to ignore her emails. I forced myself to just disappear, so then I would have nothing to worry about. I cannot trust that Julia is really Julia, so I will just watch “her” occasional emails come in, analyzing from afar who “she” may be. I’ll search for her on Google and Facebook and Instagram and Students of the World and anywhere else I can look. The emails would keep coming for years and years, but they never held much content to them, and I’m still left to question who “Julia” is.

My Julia investigation was stalled for now, and the void of not having a constant penpal to talk to quickly came back. Therefore, my search to find the perfect best friend needed to be expedited since Julia was certainly not cut out for the position. I continued to search Students of the World with my new smartphone every chance I had. In between games at volleyball competitions, Hope and I could be found by the nearest outlet on my phone, scouring the website for the perfect answers within someone’s profile. We would send out messages together to the nerdy fangirls and fanboys around our age. Every day during the bus ride home from school, Jenna and I looked through the website on our phones, judging everyone’s biographies and pictures. Jenna created a profile too, and we would have three-way Skype sessions with Sylvia from France until the two of them became too close and stopped inviting me to Skype with them.

Finally in April of ninth grade, I received a promising email from a 16-year-old boy from France:

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

My name is Kristopher and Im from France !

I watched a few days ago Divergent and it made me want to read the books !

I see you like tv shows and video games as I do !

I am not fluent in English but I can talk to you !

If you want I can learn you French ! :)

Typically, I would spend about twenty minutes every day responding to emails from random penpals on my way home from school, but within the first three or so emails to a person, one of us would just stop responding. In regard to Kris, I generally liked video games, but I wasn’t obsessed with them, and I had a weird taste in TV, so we probably couldn’t talk about that much. But Divergent by Veronica Roth was my all-time favorite book. As soon as I read that word in the email, I knew I would be responding until he stopped responding to me. It had always been my goal to fall in love with a fanboy, especially one with the same taste in books and movies as me, so I immediately responded with:

To: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com From: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com

Hi Kristopher!

What part of France are you from? I live near Pittsburgh, PA, USA.

Yes, definitely read the books! They are amazing! I find myself gravitating towards video games and shows more than sports! :P

I don't know much of French as I take Spanish in school, but I'd love to learn some and help you with English as well!

Rebecca

He emailed me back within minutes, and we emailed for most of the evening, talking about books and food and the differences between the United States and France. That night though, my phone battery had died, and it was only for a few hours. After plugging it in, I found five unread messages from him, making sure I was okay.

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Lol it works ! :) Good courage to go back to school ! :)

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Hey sweetie 😆

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

How are you Miss ?

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Do You use words like ain't or gonna ? 😆

To: fictionalboysarejustbetter@gmail.com From: coolfrenchboy@gmail.com

Are you OK ?

As soon as I read these messages, my heart fluttered a little. This was just the beginning of our constant messaging and talking. I happily responded to him, and within days, Kris was my perfect, new best friend. The random space he left between the last word and the punctuation of a sentence would drive me insane, but I didn’t have the heart to explain the process to him. We talked so consistently that it would probably be considered unhealthy, discussing pets, family, being the youngest child, aspirations, atheism, languages, food, books, video games, and everything else under the sun. I was stuck to my phone all day, and every time I picked it up, I waited in anticipation for a notification with his name and the random spaces between his words and the punctuation.

The six-hour time difference between the two of us meant nothing, with him staying up late and me getting up early. Between classes, we would sneak each other messages about how our days were going. My week-long field trip to San Antonio, Texas was spent either messaging him or scouting out an outlet to plug my phone into so that I could talk to him. The more access I had to Kris, the further I distanced myself from my friends and family. When my phone would die or I wouldn’t have reception, I would look around, annoyed by whoever the people around me were. Kris was the perfect friend I always wanted; he was my best friend, and I was his. Neither of us needed anyone else, and hopefully, all of our talking and flirting would lead to love which would lead to marriage.

The summer before tenth grade came, and Kris seemed to be growing distant. Supposedly, he was travelling all summer, and he would rarely have access to wifi. I counted down the days until he would be back home, and after one measly conversation, he disappeared again. I sent message after message, finally receiving a response about his brother pushing him in the pool and his phone being in his pocket at the time, so it was destroyed. The summer seemed to be surrounded by disappointment, but hopefully when we went back to school, our relationship would continue to be as strong as it was before.

Tenth grade began, and Kris was still busy all the time. Apparently if he kept up his hard work, he would be valedictorian. Since I couldn’t spend lunch chatting with him anymore, I bragged that I was basically dating this amazing French guy who is valedictorian at his school. Until October hit, and then I would receive the dreadful message that he has a girlfriend. Ironically, this only made our conversation stronger than it had ever been, and he even picked out my new haircut, sending me endless compliments on it. The next day, he sent another message, explaining that his girlfriend didn’t want us talking anymore so it would probably be best if we just stopped. I was bad at listening to these directions, following this conversation up with many, many new messages in attempts to strike a conversation with him again. These messages earned me a nice block from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat.

My only method of contact would now be email, so night after night instead of stalking Students of the World for new pen pals, I would send Kris emails. I now began to understand that feeling that I caused upon Julia, who may or may not have been Julia. Throughout October and November, I received a few responses that sounded like an automatic email reply, but one email in mid-November stood out, as it was one of the last ones I would receive from him.

To: thisismyname@gmail.com From: thisiscoolfrenchboysnewemail@gmail.com

Hello Becca,

I did act stupid and didn’t answer your messages at all. When I emailed you first, I never thought our friendship would get that strong !

Guess what, there used to be a time I was really in love with you, but I haven’t dared say so … The one biggest reason was the 6000 km that stand between us ! You were the one I loved talking to ! So I talked to you and you never waited to answer and neither did I.

I don’t know, something went wrong, time changed, I’m sorry I haven’t answered you for long, this is all my bad. I wish I could go back to past to fix this.

This message will never ever be able to patch things up, but it (I hope ) will tell you that I never forgot you .

My mother would tell me time and time again that any type of relationship separated by physical distance would never work. I had never believed her, but after receiving this email, I understood. Why had I ever believed that the perfect friendship would be through time differences of at least five hours? These relationships do not automatically create a barrier of trust, often making it even harder to trust. There are always going to be worries about who that person is and what their intentions are. There is no safety net to keep you from being hurt or feeling pain. Once there is a roadblock within your barrier of communication, you cannot simply get it back after running into each other at Walmart or flashing them a fake smile as you pass them in the hallway at school. As soon as one person blocks the other or the number of unread emails increases substantially over months, that person is gone forever.

[s-nebul0sa]

I just realized there are some asks left... The rest? 😉😄

Are you kidding me?!

Not what I meant when I said ‘ask me stuff I’m in the mood to answer questions’. 😂😂

1. The meaning behind my url:

I wanted S_Nebulosa or something but that was already taken… so I had to come up with something and somehow that’s how I came up with this. No deeper meaning.

3. How many tattoos I have and what they are:

One tattoo of 3 snowflakes.

5. Piercings I have:

I have pierced ears and that’s it.

7. Biggest turn offs:

When someone has a weird air/moves weird or something. Idk sometimes when I see someone I instantly know I dislike something about the way they move or hold themselves. It’s really vague and weird but it is what it is. Also being mean or rude. Cancelling stuff last minute for reasons like ‘also had plans with someone else’ because you could’ve just put stuff in your agenda and let me know before I was all hyped up and ready to meet… and chewing with an open mout.

9. Tattoos I want:

A star Katie drew but maybe with something else or made into a nice design or something.

11. Age:

23

13. Life goal:

Be happy, nice job, kid(s), spouse. Oh no! Have my parents come visit me instead of the other way around because I’m so independent and mature. That’s more attainable.

15. Relationship status:

Single

17. A fact about my life:

You’re assuming I actually have a life?

I have too many hobbies and I’m too attached to them to quit anything but it’s also getting in the way of stuff like uni…

19. Middle name:

Don’t have one

21. Are you a virgin?

I’m a cancer

23. What’s your sexual orientation?

I’ve given up labelling myself. Or maybe accepted that I don’t want to label myself. I don’t know. I just use (umbrella term) gay. Also something on the asexual spectrum probably.

25. Someone you miss:

I honestly don’t really miss anyone.

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:

First celebrity I think of when anyone says anything (positive) is Katie… what a surprise.

29. One insecurity:

Only one? I guess… my body

31. Have you ever taken a picture naked?

No

33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

Like, quick peck on the lips? Or actual kiss kiss? The latter; no. The former; yes. In a play for a scene. And my sister, mom and grandma probably.

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

Maybe when I was little but not as a teen or adult.

37. Have you ever been dumped?

No, that’s the benefit of never having had a relationship.

39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

I don’t think I have.

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

No I didn’t really have anywhere to sneak off to and I wouldn’t dare anyway.

43. Have you ever been arrested?

No omg my mom would have me killed. (I know I’m an adult but my mom is still scary when she wants to.)

45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

Well, I do occasionally manage to have friends. So, yes. If this question is meant as in, like, a booty call or something; then no.

47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbour?

No. I don’t really know my neighbours here and my parents’ neighbours are families with kids I used to babysit so that would’ve been very inappropriate and awkward. But thankfully I just didn’t seem to ‘do’ crushes until recently.

49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?

Yes. Is this supposed to be scandalous (for straight people)? I used to sleep in my mom’s bed with her when my dad was away for business (alternating nights with my sister and sometimes on the last night if it was an odd number of nights we both got to sleep there). And my sister has a double bed and sometimes I ‘sleep over’ with her in her bed. And I’ve shared double air mattresses with friends before for sleepovers and once on a school trip where the boat back had broken or something so we were sent to a hotel that only had double beds…

51. Have you ever been on a plane?

Yes, multiple times.

53. Have you ever slept in until 3?

Probably not. That’s really late. Might’ve stayed in bed until 3 (or later) staring at the ceiling or spending time on my phone but I don’t think I ever managed to sleep until 3.

55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

I have.

57. Have you ever played dress up?

Yes, I used to love dressing up as a princess. We also have this (dumb, sorry, I’m opinionated) thing here where people dress up (not Halloween, we don’t celebrate that) in February or March. (It’s called carnaval.) In primary school we had to go dressed up on the Friday before.

59. Have you ever been lonely?

I’m a lot lonely and very often…

61. Have you ever been to a club?

Yes, I think so.

63. Have you ever touched a snake?

Maybe? Look at my memory failing me. Probably not because I think I’d have remembered and it would’ve freaked me out so much.

65. Have you ever been suspended from school?

No, goody two shoes, remember?

67. Have you ever been in a car accident?

Not a big one but on the way back from a holiday with friends some truck tried to merge into our lane by driving through our car. Didn’t work. Had some damage to the pain but mostly his own truck got damaged. Was a whole deal with the police and stuff and him not speaking any language any of us spoke… and I was a little shaken. But all ended well and insurance covered our damage. Or he did. I don’t know. It was my parents’ car. I handed them the papers we got from the police and they fixed it with insurance and stuff.

69. Have you ever witnessed a crime?

Omg yes when I was like a super tiny kid. Maybe 3 or 4. (Wait, is a crime different than an offence or something? Idc. I want to tell this story now.) I vividly remember it because I was sitting in the car while my mom was packing the groceries in the trunk and a man took a woman’s bag/purse and ran away. She started yelling at him and chasing him and it spooked him so much he dropped it. It made a huge impression on me even though I probably made it bigger in my mind than it actually was.

71. Have you ever been lost?

Yes, at summer camp we were lost once during a night scavenger hunt/walk/quest thingy. I don’t know the translation. And because of my sublime sense of direction I get lost all the time and thanks to modern technology find my way again.

73. Have you ever felt like dying?

Like I was dying or like I wanted to die? Yes to one of those two.

75. Have you ever sang karaoke?

I’ve played singstar or some equavalent before during birthday parties.

77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?

Damn no I’m glad I haven’t.

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

No

81. Have you ever made out in a park?

No

83. Have you ever glued your hand to something?

I’m me so I must’ve. Definitely to paper but I don’t know if I glued it to something else ever.

85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked?

No, the least I’ve probably worn was shorts and a t-shirt (and underwear and socks and stuff).

87. Have you ever sat on a rooftop?

Yes, my internship had a rooftop terrace thingy.

89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

Have I ever not been?? I’m usually too scared to even watch scary movies with other people…

91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

No and nowadays with phones and stuff, I would not appreciate it at all. That thing’s expensive and not water resistant.

93. Have you ever broken a bone?

Yes, broke my thumb (not all the way through) and splintered off a tiny piece off bone in my pinky. Those are two separate occasions.

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

I have

97. Have you ever cheated on a test?

Yes. In the second year of (Dutch) high school, my history teacher would not pay attention at all during tests and I didn’t like history tests because of all the dumb facts (that I now know can be really useful and give you an idea of when stuff happened in relation to other stuff). So, I had put my book on my lap. Also, during Spanish because we knew the test would be to write a letter so the entire class just pre-wrote it using google translate and printed it to tape it inside their dictionary. I did too.

99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

No and this seems odd too because everyone is real… but maybe I just never feel like a person isn’t real but me meeting them isn’t real or something… idk

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 28

(To listen, click here) - 16:18

Levi’s doing his best not to hyperly scan for Carla.  So far, she hasn’t shown up.  But he has seen people who look like her from a distance.  It’s enough to set his heart racing.

He’s planning to take his break at 11:30.  It’s just about then when he spots Dominique and Francesca behind one of his regulars - an elderly lady he loves - but who always wants quarters or dollars (depending) back for her smaller change.  It’s tedious.  But it makes her day, so Levi tries to be efficient.  Getting Betty what she needs and keeping the line moving.

Finally, the line is moving.  He gives Betty her change.  Checks out the grumpy guy behind Betty who’s bought out the snack cake aisle.  Then, Dominique and Francesca.  He waves.  Smiles.  But they’re both tense.  Dominique has sent Francesca ahead of her in line.

“What’s up?” Levi asks quietly.

“A store guy was following us…” Francesca warns.  “Dominique said I should go in front of her in case he’s still back there.”

Levi casually glances.  “Nope.  No store guy.”

“We didn’t break any rules,” Francesca insists as Dominique puts their bread, cereal and plastic container of donuts on the belt.

“I know,” Levi says, sympathetic.  “Listen, I’m about to take my break.  Wanna meet outside?  Maybe at the car?”

Dominique nods stiffly.  It’s not lost on Levi that she hasn’t said a word.  Just silently pays for the groceries.  She’s handing the money over when he catches sight of the tattoo on the inside of her wrist.  The date 4/26/11.  Almost ten years ago exactly.  He wonders what the significance is.

“We’ll meet you,” she says in a voice that’s eerily calm.  Her face is a practiced mask.  She smiles.  If he didn’t know her, he’d totally buy it.  “We’ll be out front.”

“Okay.”

--

Dominique’s not oblivious.  In fact, she’s the opposite.  She is painfully observant.  It’s why she noticed Levi noticing her tattoo, signifying her own baby’s approximated due date.  She’d had to wait until she was eighteen to get it - seven years after the fact.  But it was a small way to remember Taylor.

She swallows back the lump that’s risen to her throat.

“That guy called me your daughter…” Francesca points out, ogling the donuts in the bag.

Dominique blows out a breath.  “I know,” she says, forcing a smile.

“Did it hurt your feelings?  To have him say it?” Francesca wonders.

“Mm-mm,” Dominique denies.

“Then, why are you crying?” Francesca asks quietly.

Stunned, Dominique reaches up and touches her own face.  Feels her own tears there.  “It’s nothing,” she denies, smiling hard.

“Do you feel sad he said you had a kid like me?” Francesca asks bluntly.

“No, babe.  I don’t.  It’s not you, I promise.  It’s...I’m gonna tell you something that’s private.  Okay?  I had a baby once.  While it was still inside me, it died.  So, when he said daughter, I thought of her.”

“What’s her name?” Francesca asks.

“I like to keep that to myself.” Dominique insists, wiping her eyes.

She looks out at the parking lot, not forgetting to keep an eye out for Pearl’s mom.  Dominique sits still on the bench.  Francesca leans against her.

“I won’t ask her name anymore,” Francesca reassures.  “And I won’t share what you said with anybody.  I promise.  Not even Jesus or Mariana.”

“Thank you,” Dominique says, kissing her head.  “To be clear, though, I’d be lucky if my daughter had grown up to be anything like you.”

“Really?  You don’t think I’m not good enough because of CP?” Francesca asks.

“I think CP is part of what makes you good enough,” Dominique insists, kissing Francesca’s head.

“I really want a sloth,” Francesca sighs.  “Even a toy one or something.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause it’s slow like me,” Francesca says, matter-of-fact.

“Hmm.  Well, I will keep my eye out.”

By the time Levi’s outside Dominique’s tears are dry.  They walk across the parking lot to his car.

--

“I’m so sorry that guy followed you…” Levi apologizes.  “I tried to look into it, but I’m basically a peon, so…”

Francesca snickers.  “That sounds like a bad word…”

“It means, I don’t have much power,” Levi explains.  “It’s Spanish.”

“How are you doing?” Dominique asks.

“Well...I thought I saw my trauma once, from far away, but it wasn’t…” he shares.  Levi squints.  “Are you okay?” he asks Dominique.  “Your eyes are red…  Were you crying?”

“What if I was?” Dominique challenges.

“That’d be okay.  I’d wanna know if there was something I could do to help…” Levi ventures.

There’s silence until Francesca crinkles the SuperOne bag.  Levi looks in the rearview mirror.  Sees her stealthily sneaking a powdered sugar donut hole into her mouth.

He smiles.  “Can I have one?”

“Yeah, give Levi some.  It’s his lunch break,” Dominique says.

He accepts the plastic container and opens it.  Takes out a few.  Eats them.

“Does anybody want a piece of bread?  Francesca offers.  “Or some Frosted Mini Wheats?”

Dominique laughs.  “You are too much.  Levi, Francesca wants a sloth.  Did you know that?”

“I did not know that,” Levi answers.  It hasn’t escaped him that Dominique has dodged his question about helping...unless this is her answer.  Carrying on.  Not getting stuck in whatever happened.  He checks the clock on the dashboard.  “Listen, I gotta go back to work for another hour and fifteen.  He tosses the keys to Dominique.  “If you wanna drive around.”

“No, we’re staying…” Dominique insists.

“But the peon hates us…” Francesca points out.

“Hey!” Levi laughs.

“I meant the mean guy is the peon.  Because it sounds like pee on…” Francesca clarifies.

“Here.  Let me have your phone.  Can you keep it on you?” Dominique asks.

“On the DL…” Levi says, perplexed.

“Okay, so we’re in town.  That means I have service.  So we will text you.  Text me back if you need anything.”

“Can I have your phone?  I wanna add my number,” Francesca asks.

“Can you tell it to me fast?” Levi asks.

Francesca rattles off her number.  Then, Levi has to run to make it back to Lane 4 before he gets in major trouble.

--

The rest of his shift passes in a blur.  When he gets off at 1, he finds Dominique and Francesca still in the car out in the lot.  He checks his phone as he walks.  Finds silent videos of them smiling and waving.  Selfies.  And one text that reads:  we are still out side love francesca

“Thanks for these, guys,” Levi says, scooting into the driver’s side.

“No problem.” Francesca answers.

“Uh, are we still on for ice cream?  Somebody wants to know…” Dominique casts her gaze furtively behind them.

“Oh yeah.  Definitely still on for DQ.  It has food, too.  So we can pick up actual lunch.”

Honestly, all Levi wants is a large vanilla ice cream cone.  It’s simple, but it screams childhood to him.  And good memories.  They drive thru and Francesca gets a dilly bar.  Dominique gets a vanilla cone, too, but a small.  She offers money.  Levi notices how her hand trembles.

“I got it.  You got the groceries.  And we still have life jacket shopping.” Levi reassures.

“Are you sure?” Dominique checks.  “I don’t, like, owe you anything?”

“This is friendship stuff.  Debt doesn’t accumulate over friendship stuff,” Levi says simply.  Everybody gets their ice cream.  He pays. Then he tries to drive one-handed, while willing his ice cream not to melt all over him.

“This is a great lunch,” Francesca enthuses.

“Right?  Don’t tell your brother and sister,” Levi cautions, smiling.

“Except we don’t keep secrets.  Unless it’s like for respect.  Like if a person trusts you with their trauma stuff, you don’t go blab it.  But ice cream shouldn’t be a secret.” Francesca explains.

“I guess you’re right.  Tell them if you want,” Levi shrugs.  He can see Dominique passing napkins back to Francesca.

It’s a quiet ride out to Target in Baxter.  Levi pulls into the only open space he can see.  It’s a long way away from the door.

“Can I just stay in the car and wait?” Francesca asks.  Levi checks out the rearview mirror.  She’s half-lying on his backseat.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Dominique asks.

“Nothing, I just wanna stay here,” Francesca insists.

“You can tell us.  We won’t get mad.  I was really hoping to get you a life jacket you wanted.  Don’t you want that still?” Dominique checks.

“I do,” she sighs.  “But my legs are really tired,” she comments softly.

“You guys wait here,” Levi insists.  “I’ll be right back.”

--

“I don’t want a hospital wheelchair!” Francesca calls at Levi’s back.  She’s still lying down, practicing being a sloth.

“Hey,” Dominique reprimands.

“What?  I don’t.  They’re old.  And big.  And I can barely push them,” she complains.

“Okay, but don’t yell at Levi,” Dominique reasons.

“But I just did it ‘cause he was already far away…”

Just then, Levi’s back.  Francesca sits up.  He opens her door.  She looks out. Sees the thing.  For people with disabilities and also grandmas and grandpas that can’t walk long distances.

“That’s a Caroline’s Cart…” Francesca says, wary.

“Yeah, I was hoping it’d be free with how many people there are inside today.  Looks like we lucked out.”

“No,” Francesca denies.  

She sees Dominique look at her and cross her arms, like Francesca said something rude.  

“I mean, no thank you,” Francesca remembers.  “I’ll just wait for you guys out here.”

“Babe, we are not leaving you out here in the car alone.  Talk to us.” Dominique says, turned in her seat.  (Because Dominique probably knows if Moms ever found out Francesca got left in a car by herself, they’d get all angry about it.  And blame Francesca, probably.  Because that’s what always happens.)

“I can’t!  I can’t use that!  I’m not allowed!” Francesca screams, her voice breaking.  (She always talks too loud when she’s emotional.  It’s annoying but she can’t help it.)

“Who says?” Dominique asks, gentle.  Kind.  Her usual way, even though Francesca doesn’t deserve it.

“Moms…” Francesca pouts.  “They say I can walk, so it’s not for me.  I have to not use it so somebody else with a real disability will get to…”

“Babe, you have a real disability.  It means you get tired quicker because you use more energy for the same stuff we do.  Just because you can walk doesn’t mean you should exhaust yourself doing that, or wait in the car instead of coming inside with us.”

“I have to ask permission,” Francesca wipes her eyes.  “If Moms find out I’ll probably get yelled at.  If I asked first, maybe it won’t be so bad.  Can I call Mari? Or text her a picture of that with your phone and ask?

Dominique gives Francesca her phone, the code already put in.  Francesca takes a picture of the cart.  Types: Moms say no but can I use this?  My legs are really tired from walking.  This is Francesca.  Bye.

“Oh.  She might not get the text right away,” Levi says, worried.  “You guys don’t have cell service at your Grandpa’s right?”

Francesca’s shoulders slump.

“Can I forward this to Pearl?  Ask her to show Mariana?” Levi asks.

Francesa nods.  Dominique forwards  the text and the picture to Levi.  Levi sends it to Pearl.  In seconds there is a ping back:

Mariana’s face is there.  It’s a video.  “Don’t listen to Moms on this.  Use the thing.  It’s an accommodation.  We get to have those because we’re humans.  Love you.  Have fun with Dominique and Levi.  Bye.”

Slowly, Francesca gets out of the car.  The seat of the cart looks very high, but Levi says he can lift her if she’s okay with it.  She is.  Once she’s in, she buckles the one seatbelt across her lap just like in the car.

“Dominique can you push?” she asks.  Being in the cart means you’re breathing the same air, practically, as the person pushing.  Like almost face to face.  She trusts Levi.  But not as much as Dominique.

She nods and starts pushing.  It helps having Dominique right here to look at, because it distracts Francesca from anybody pointing or staring.  Francesca feels one person do it.  But she ignores them.

Levi leads the way to the kids’ section.

They find the life jackets.  And the size that fits Francesca.  There’s a gross red and yellow one.  A pink and purple one that’s too girly, Mom would say.  And a light green and light blue one.  “Can I have that last one?” she asks.

“Here.  Lean forward,” Dominique says helping her slip it on and zip it.  “How does it feel?”

“Like I can’t move very good.  It’s awkward.”

“Well, it has to be secure.  If it’s too big, you could slip out of it.” Dominique explains.  “Does it hurt anywhere?”

“No.” Francesca says.

“Okay.  This is the one you want then?” Dominique double checks.

Francesca nods.

“Wow, you definitely know what you want,” Levi sounds impressed.  He keeps looking over Francesca’s head and back and forth.

“What are you looking for?” she asks.

“Nothing,” he reassures, but it doesn’t look like nothing.

They don’t give her the money in the checkout and make her pay.  Dominique does.  When Francesca hears that the life jacket is $40, she almost tips over.  That would take her months to earn in allowance.

“It’s too expensive,” she whispers to Levi.  

“It’s fine.  What do you guys say?  It’s a basic need, right?  You need to be safe.  More than just on this trip.”

When Dominique doesn’t quite have enough money, Levi offers some, and Francesca feels terrible for being such a baby about the ugly life jacket at the cabin.  She shouldn’t have made a big deal.  Should have just worn it.

Francesca’s quiet as Dominique pushes the cart to the doors, and outside.  

“It belongs inside,” Francesca protests.

“I know.  I’ll run it back in,” Levi reassures.

He does.  There are a million things about this trip that Dominique and Levi act like are no big deal, but back at home?  They would be The Biggest Deal Ever.  

“What’s wrong, Francesca?” Dominique asks once they’re driving again.

“It’s too much…” she protests quietly.

“It’s not.  I wanted to do this for you.  Levi did, too, right?” Dominique asks.

“Definitely,” Levi says.  “You guys were there for me.  Now we wanna be there for you.”

“But I can’t ever pay you back.  I’d have to save every bit of my allowance until summer, and Moms always forget to give it to me anyway.”

“Remember what Levi said to me about the ice cream money?” Dominique reminds.

But Francesca can’t remember.  Her brain is too full of stress.  

“This is friendship stuff.  Friendship stuff means you don’t have to pay anything back…”

“But that’s so much money!” Francesca insists.  “It’s probably why Moms never got me one in the first place.”

“Babe, your safety matters.” Dominique insists.  “I’d buy you 100 life jackets, no question, if they’d keep you safe.”

Francesca blinks.  “That’s like… $400!”

“$4,000,” Levi corrects, but not in a mean way.

Dominique elbows him.  “Don’t tell her that!” she whispers, smiling.

Francesca’s eyes almost fall out of her head they are so wide.  That’s how shocked she is.

“You’re worth any price,” Dominique says, turning and looking Francesca right in the eyes.

“Thank you,” Francesca says softly.  “For buying me this.  I’ll take good care of it.”

“I know you will.  Thanks for coming with us today.” Dominique tells her.  “It was fun talking about sloths with you.”

Levi looks so confused.  “Did I miss something?  Are sloths a thing now?”

“You missed a lot about cute sloths,” Francesca insists.  “But don’t worry.  We’ll tell you everything.  First, there’s this really cute baby sloth…” she says.

And Francesca gets comfortable, talking.  Realizes that today with her friends was stressful, but it was also pretty great.

[teambakerst]

I miss my grandma so much. I keep thinking I’ll write in one of my journals and put down all the feelings I haven’t been able to express with family or friends, but then no one will read it, so what’s the point? The same could be said about strangers on the internet reading my personal posts, but whatever. Talking to family just makes me cry and talking to friends doesn’t happen, because no one asks about it anymore. At the same time, I don’t want to put a burden on them, they have their own lives to deal with. It’s too graphic, traumatic, etc. So, I don’t know what else to do but lay it all out here.

My grandma died in March from multiple forms of cancer, all diagnosed too late, and at different times. First, the doctors found black spots on her lungs. Then it was pancreatic cancer. Then we found out it was in her bones.

I couldn’t even react when I found out about the bone cancer. My dad called my mom to tell her, and she told me and my other grandparents. At the time, my mom was in the hospital for an infection, which can be deadly for someone going through chemotherapy. Surprise! Two family members with cancer. They caught mom’s at stage 2. She’s doing better now, about to start radiation...

So she told me my grandma had lesions in her skull. We knew she was dying, but this was terrifying. Cancer’s a fucking monster.

I left the hospital a while later, not feeling well. I caught pneumonia, which sucked by itself, but had another impact on what happened next. The doctors told us my grandma might have two more months to live. They don’t offer real hospice care unless a patient needs a qualified nurse around the clock, so they set us up with a hospital bed and some other supplies in our own home (and a nurse who visited once every couple days). We rearranged our living room for her and brought some of her clothes, pillows, and stuffed animals over from her house. She really, really, did not want to stay with us. Not because she didn’t love us, but because she loved her house and was used to being independent. She’d been suffering from dementia for a long time, so she was often confused about the state of her health and couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t take her home no matter how many times we explained it.

Everyone agreed I shouldn’t be around my mom or my grandma when their immune systems were compromised, so I spent a lot of the time I was sick in my room upstairs. My grandma only lived for two more weeks.

I was so mad for most of that time, mad I was sick, mad the doctors weren’t doing anything for her. And I mean, anything. Apparently, my diabetic grandma didn’t need insulin anymore, because cancer feeds on sugar. Except when her blood sugar spiked too high and they had to take her from our house on a gurney to a rehabilitation facility (??? not a hospital?) to try to bring it back down.

I had a bad feeling when they took her. And nothing but bad feelings every time I went to bed, afraid she wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

During the week she spent at our house, she started hallucinating from not getting enough oxygen. And she was seeing weird things. Squiggly lines and pictures on the walls, rays of light, strangely negative biblical phrases (something about her being a sinner). Hearing things, too. A man behind her calling her name. Her dad, who passed away a long time ago. She would talk to people who weren’t there, sometimes in Spanish. We got her some oxygen tanks, but her condition only improved mildly. She was in and out of sleep all the time. I just tried to reassure her she was safe, especially when she thought she saw smoke in the house. She had a hard time moving and it usually took a long time to get her from the family room couch to the bed. I made sure she was comfy and we would usually talk a little bit, just us two, before I went to bed.

There was one good day where I gave her interview questions and she was lucid enough to answer them. Stuff about college and her friends and vacations. I wrote it all down.

But there was a shift when they took her to the rehab place. I worked the next day. I was taking pay at the drive-thru window when I felt my phone start buzzing in my pocket, over and over. I didn’t want to answer it, because I knew it would be bad news. Then the DQ phone rang and my coworker brought it over to me--my sister called. She said Nani wasn’t responding and I better come over there quick, because it might be the end. I just started sobbing at work. My coworkers/managers were nice and they told me to go. So I cried while driving to the rehab place, too, I couldn’t stop it--don’t cry and drive! My dad called on the way over, he’d noticed me a couple cars ahead of him. That was a little bit reassuring, and I calmed down.

My dad and I met up in the parking lot and found my sister and my other grandma with Nani in her room. Nani was sleeping and wouldn’t respond to her name or her arm being shaken. We thought it was a coma. Hours went by, she had some of her friends visit and leave after sharing their prayers. And then suddenly, she gasped and raised her arms and she was awake!

We’d thought that was the end. The rehab staff weren’t very helpful, not offering an explanation one way or the other. Come to find out she’d been given strong painkillers (or sedatives? Hard to know). It was hard to understand her when she spoke after that, she was very quiet and mumbly. She did say she wanted a “little hug” from everyone, and that made me happy. She asked my uncle to play a song for her. He’d brought his guitar and sung something special for st. patrick’s day. It was very beautiful and I ran to the bathroom in her room, because I started crying again and I didn’t want her to see.

She stayed at that center for a few days, but because healthcare is weird and sucky they said they couldn’t keep her there. It was a rehab place, not a hospice, after all. (I’m still pissed they wouldn’t give her an IV when she stopped eating and drinking. AND they forgot her insulin and claimed they’d given it to her even when I told them I hadn’t left the room and never saw the nurse return with it. High blood sugar was the reason she was there in the first place.)

So they moved my grandma to another rehab place. This one wasn’t as nice. I visited her after school, because through all of this I was still trying to finish off the semester... The doctors helped my grandma into a wheelchair and we took her to a dinner table where the other patients could eat together. My grandma “ordered” some tea and did a little dance--I think my phone’s ringtone went off or something. She was almost normal. That was the last time I saw her alive. My dad, sister, and I let her have dinner with my uncle because he hadn’t gotten a chance to be alone with her.

They moved her, again, to what’s called a group home. My parents and sister visited her there, but I had school and work again. I got a text from my dad at work, saying I should probably leave now and come home. I knew she’d passed.

It was a strange feeling. I guess it would be called numbness. My sister was home and confirmed what I’d thought. My parents were on their way home from a family wedding. I went up to my room and kind of stood there.

Then my parents got home and we went to the group home. It was the first time I was seeing it. It was nice. The people there said they were sorry. I didn’t really realize we were going to see her body until my sister led the way to her room. I kind of lingered back, not knowing if I wanted to see. We all went in and my grandma was there on the bed, with her mouth open and her lips blue. My dad tried to “wake her up.” Kind of like before, when she hadn’t really gone. He blamed himself, outloud. But there was nothing we could’ve done differently. He told me she was still warm if I wanted to hug her or give her a kiss, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to remember what she was like alive. I knelt beside her and said a prayer instead.

I don’t remember what it’s called right now but we had a ceremony before the funeral where we prayed the rosary with my grandma preserved in her coffin. The priest had everyone make the sign of the cross over her forehead. I was the first to do it. I didn’t like it because her skin was cold and hard. I petted her hair, which felt the same. Soft. The funeral director gave my sister and I paper to write Nani a letter, which we folded up and put in her coffin. I thanked her for everything and all the time we spent together.

The funeral was very nice and I didn’t cry then. Lots of tears during the before-ceremony. I don’t know what it was at the funeral, but I’ve cried a lot since then. I still wish I could go back and not get sick. Go back and see her in the group home. My parents said she wasn’t really lucid or talkative when she was there, but I still want things to be different. I wish the hospital had given her a damn CT scan during the many, many times I took her there for her uncontrolled blood sugar, hernia, etc. Good to know the blood sugar thing is a sign of pancreatic cancer.

My mom having cancer at the same time is still something I’m dealing with. And she’s dealing with. And dad’s dealing with. On and on. I don’t like thinking about cancer in my future. We’re all trying to eat better and use natural products. Mom’s breast cancer isn’t genetic, but they never tested my grandma’s.

Everytime I think of a happy memory with my Nani, it’s followed by “and you’ll never see her/hear her/be able to do that with her again.” I would like the second part of the thought to disappear. I’ve been having weird dreams with her still. Not the kind where a family member visits you and bestows upon you wisdom, a friendly greeting, or an I love you. Instead, it’s her as a restless ghost, a corpse, or the confused version of herself before she died where in the dream I’m still aware she’s gone. I want her back, I want to forget all this sadness. I want the dreams to end. Or at least give me some peace.

[beautyindisguise00]

What were you doing at 9:30 last night?

Saturday night September 8, 2018 10:40pm

Tonight the last person you kissed calls you and tells you he wants you what do you say? “yeah babe, I want you too but are you drunk?” hahaha. he’s at his brother’s bachelor’s party this weekend and we haven’t talked in a while. I told him he can’t drunk call me. lol Who was the last person to drive you somewhere? uhhh, hard to recall since I drive myself everywhere all the time now but probably one of my siblings When was the last time you cried? a few days ago. after my boyfriend’s volleyball tournament. it was small but mostly an angry cry. hahaha Are you texting the last male you cuddled with? no, because he’s hanging out with the guys this weekend

When was the last time you totally broke down? when my grandma passed away.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? money. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? not really. Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a L? hahaha. my boyfriend’s name is Lee so yes :) What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? watching tv to fall asleep What are you currently listening to? Mistresses

Are you angry with someone right now? nope Do you have any plans for the weekend? well it IS the weekend and my plans were to grocery shop and get things done with school and other things I was supposed to finish Has the last person you kissed ever took their shirt off in front of you? ohhh yeah Who were you with Friday? myself most of the night If the last person you kissed, saw you kissing someone else, would they be upset? beyond upset Are you missing someone? soooo much  Do you believe your ex cares about you? probs not. not in a bad way Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? a sweater and panties. it’s almost time for bed Do you want to say something to someone? babe, I hope youre having fun and call me soon because I miss you! Anybody you’re looking forward to seeing soon? family and friends Have you ever read an entire book in one day? nope. haha can’t do that Was yesterday fun? eh How fast does your mood change? depends really. but not too fast Would you ever get in the passenger seat of a car with someone who’s been drinking? of course not Do you really, truly miss someone right now? I miss my boyfriend so much. I just want him to give me a call good night

Have you ever had an alcoholic beverage? yes Do you ever feel like you just HAVE to sing out loud? for certain songs - yes Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? If yes, what makes it enjoyable?  nope

Do you own a TV? If so, what do you watch on it? just bought my own tv; watch stuff on Netflix, hulu, and tv Do you have Netflix/ViaPlay/other similar online channel?:  Netflix and hulu Have you ever watched Nostalgia Critic or Nostalgia Chick?:  uh, I’ve never heard of it What is the strangest type of food you have eaten?:  I don’t really like to eat strange food so I don’t know What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten?:  nothing really What would be your most ideal profession?:  wedding planner or teacher :) What kind of rides do you enjoy the most at amusement parks?:  any that does not flip me upside down Have you tried those coloring books for adults?:  nope What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone?:  politics mainly because I am clueless about it all Someone is about to take your picture. How do you react? smile, pose or make a silly face Do you frequent any “funny pictures” site? If so, which one? uhm..nope. Do you wash your dishes by hand or do you have a dishwasher?:  by hand. Do you ever get a chance to stay home alone? If not, why not? a few times Are you/have you ever been engaged? If not, would you like to be one day?:  someday! :) Are you/have you ever been married? If not, would you like to be one day?:  again, someday! What makes a person ugly?:  A shitty personality. < Yep. <<< I agree. <<<<<lol this! What makes a person beautiful?:  someone who’s just nice :) What is the craziest hairstyle and color you’ve had?:  I don’t do anything crazy with my hair Is there a book that you are currently reading?:  currently, no Do you prefer an actual book or ebooks? Why?:  actual book! I like holding the book and turning actual pages What was your first gaming console? besides the ones my brothers had, I really wanted a wii Is there something you’re eagerly waiting for? What is it? being done with school Is there something you’d like to change about yourself? there’s a few things. Have you ever had a sunburn? Where on your body was it? nothing too bad. if anything, my nose Do you have or would you like to have a tattoo? If so, where? my cousins and I are thinking about getting a tat to remember our grandma What was the last present you gave someone? $100 Have you ever had a serious injury? nope, I’m very cautious especially when it comes to pain What’s under your bed?:  boxes What is something you’ve been meaning to get done but haven’t yet?:  studying for FORT Do you enjoy traveling? absolutely! Where do you carry the things you need with you when leaving the house?:  my purse or backpack On a daily basis, do you prefer to go by car or by bicycle? Why? car because the places I travel to are far Do you know your ancestry? a little bit but it’s so confusing Which hair color would you never want to have? full blonde What has been the most beautiful place you’ve visited? cave point or clearwater beach

Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed?  my freshman dorm room. on my bed :)

Are you texting anybody? I wish!

What were you doing at 9:30 last night?  something naughty with my boyfriend before he left to hang out with the guys for the weekend

Are you listening to music right now?  nope

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?  my cousin texted me about getting tats for my grandma recently

Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed?  probably

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a someone that treated you badly?  I don’t think I wasted too much time but it helped me learn about how I should really be treated my others

If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Have you hugged someone within the last week?  yes

Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips?  I am :)

What woke you up this morning? my alarm that I should have turned off.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted?  sister

Did you cry at all today? nope!

Will your next kiss be a mistake?  most likely not

When is the next time you will kiss someone? probably in two weeks.

Are you older than the last person you kissed?  nope

When is the last time you consumed alcohol?  Monday night

What were you doing at midnight last night? watching tv

Have you ever been given flowers? yes

Can you honestly say that at this point in time you’re happy with the way things are? in a way, yes

What are you excited for?  graduating in the spring

Did anyone call you babe/baby today, who?  my boyfriend via text

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? the babe has

Last time you smiled?  today

Would life be the same without alcohol? for sure

Ever had sex in the bathroom?  nope

Who are you dating? my boyfriend

Who’s the last person you talked to about sex?  uhhhh, Kassie, my coworker

Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

Are you stubborn?  ohhh yes

If you took a drug test right now, would you pass?  for sure

Who was the last person to be on a bed with you?  its been a while but my boyfriend

Do you tend to hold a grudge?  not really

Who is the last person that pissed you off?  don’t remember

What’s a fact about the last person that texted you?  she’s really good at singing

Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?  no, I could not.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank?  mike’s hard lemonade – strawberry lemonade and then I took some weird shot

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?  yes

Who was the last person to play with your hair?  probably carter, kid from work

Who was the last person you kissed on the cheek?  kids from work

Would you ever get plastic surgery?  nope

Have you ever had so much to drink that you still felt drunk when you woke? not too often

Is there currently anyone else in the room with you? nope, just me

Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? salted caramel is pretty good

What is the wallpaper on your phone? my boyfriend and I in florida

Why did you call the last person you called? to talk to him – my boyfriend

How many windows are in the room you’re in? just one

Do you have Facebook friends that you’ve never actually met? nope

When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? high school for cheer season

How far from your house is the nearest supermarket? like 5ish minutes

If you could wake up and speak any language fluently, what would it be? I took French in high school but I’d say Spanish

Can you count your number of serious relationships on one hand? yes

How about number of sexual partners?  hahaha. I wouldn’t need my hands

Has anyone told you they missed you lately?  yesterday

Was yesterday better than today? sure

This time last year, were you single?  nope

Do any of your friends dislike each other? my boyfriend and best friend for a bit but now they’re good

What are you doing right now?  re-watching mistresses

Have you ever liked someone but were afraid to tell them? all the time

What happened at 9:00AM today? I was on my phone

Do you have a best friend?  my boyfriend

Are you scared to fall in love?  I was

Do you think ex’s can remain friends? some, not all.

Are you one of those people that always answer their phones? if I know who’s calling then I usually answer

Hate it when you go over to someone’s house and do absolutely nothing? yes

Are you one of those people who gets jealous of boys/girls your current bf/gf dated? not too much but once in a while when we casually bring them up

Were you single for your last birthday? nope

Did you talk to the person you like today? for a little bit through text this morning

When was the last time you were in a car with someone besides family? friday, my roommates and I; we were going to noodles

What are you wearing on your feet?  nothing

You can get a puppy or a new car. Which do you choose? oh my goodness! that’s had. but I’d say car for now because I don’t have time to take care of a puppy since I’m not home and I cant have pets in my apartment

Is it easy to make you cry? sometimes

Think back to August, were you in a relationship? yes

Any drama in your life right now?  nope

Did you sleep alone last night?  I did

When was the last time you received flowers? What were they for? uhm……my boyfriend came to visit

Have you ever been physically or mentally abused? How did it effect you?  nope

Do you consider yourself a vengeful person? If so, why’d you think that is?  nope. I’m learning to let go

What one quality do you have that you are proud of?  I’m a good listener

When have you felt the most proud of yourself? For what reason?  chasing one of my dreams for the second time but handling myself when I didn’t achieve it

Have you ever had a near death experience? If so, how did it feel? I’ve been in one car accident before but I wasn’t that bad.

[hiccps]

hey guys, im syre n im 21 from australia rip which is why i am here so late bc my ass just woke up (lets ignore the fact its 3pm) anyways this is the first time i’ve rped in a while so im rly excited n u know i love rps that arent set in the u.s so im super hype for this. this is very long n a real Mess so pls hit me up for connections, this poor child needs a good bff bc their life has gone 2 shitz n also come b my friend my discord is syre#9813

[ JOSEPHINE SKRIVER ] — oh SHE/THEY ?? that’s just LUNA ROMERO, the TWENTY THREE year old GENDERFLUID that just graduated from nyu with a degree in CHEMICAL AND BIOMOLECULAR ENGINEERING. around campus, they were known as the QUIXOTIC, probably because they were really LOYAL, and also pretty IDEALISTIC but they’re actually a lot more than that. they’re coming to curacao in hopes to LIVE LIFE ONE LAST TIME. i wonder if they’ll accomplish it before they leave. 

death tw, shooting tw, depression tw, suicide attempt tw

serafina alegría lucia romero de luca born in rosario argentina

she was raised by her uncle who was only 18 at the time she was born and her grandmother

her uncle called her luna as a nickname because he said she was born on a full moon n she always lit up like one whenever she saw him

her father, who was only barely 22 was always away working to provide for her and her brother and rarely had time off to see them since he was working at the mines

her mother ran off when she was quite young, she can barely remember her face but her uncle says that her mother ran off to study in the U.S since she had her when she was 19 and her brother when she was 16

when she was about 7 years old her grandma had moved to the U.S permanently so she was raised just by her uncle who eventually moved her and her older brother cesar to new york when she was 10 years old

they lived in jackson heights since there was a lot of argentines there

up until she was like 13 she could only speak spanish but her uncle made sure that she studied and did her homework and he made sure that she spoke english to her brother and all her friends and only spoke spanish to him and her grandma

as she got older, around the age of 10-15 he had to work a lot more and she relied on her older brother more often

she used to follow cesar around and played soccer on the streets and followed after his friends

she was a “tomboy” and often referred to herself as a boy as well

but she also loved cooking with her grandma and said she was a girl whenever she was cooking

her brother used to tease her but she always responded that she can be both a girl and a boy n he never really argued with her

soccer was something she genuinely loved and she was also always good at math since it was the same when she was at school in argentina

n she missed argentina a lot so playing soccer in the streets with her brother reminded her of playing soccer in the streets in rosario

*shooting tw, death tw: when she was about seventeen, she was being walked home by her brother from school, they had gotten caught in a crossfire of a drive by shooting

her brother had pushed her to the ground to protect her and had gotten shot in the process and eventually died of his wounds

she was really broken from his death n felt like she didnt know who she was since she lost a huge part of herself

she fell into a deep depression n never really properly grieved his death

she lots someone who protected her and her uncle was still away for work

she pushed her grandma away and secluded herself from everyone else n she even deferred her first year of university

she felt like her brother and uncle abandoned her and she wanted to rebel so her uncle would come back

she wanted him to visit her n stay n look after her

she started going out to parties and skipping church which shocked her deeply religious, catholic grandmother

she was getting high, neglecting football and sleeping around

there were days where she didnt come home at all n eventually her grandma told her uncle who ended up moving back in to deal with her

he understood what she was doing n he promised that he wasnt going anywhere as long as she got her life back on track

but they still found it hard to address the fact she was depressed n would go days just staying in bed sleeping

both her grandma and uncle didnt want to admit that she had depression

she struggled with it throughout her university years on top of the burden of studying as well as not dealing with her brothers death

SUICIDE TW** she did try to take her life when she was 22 coming up to the anniversary of her brothers death but her uncle found her n rushed her to the hospital

from that day he tried to educate himself on depression n was always looking at different ways for her to cope n even took her to a psychologist

he put all his attention on her mental and physical health n was always worried about keeping her alone

which is why he was slightly hesitant but still overall supportive abt her going to curacao. he did suggest that he come with her smh so that they’d go to argentina at the end of the trip to visit her dad

but yeah thats all i have for her

PERSONALITY + FUN FACTS

shes very open about things that dont have to do with her brothers death like family life, where her parents are, genderfluidity, sex life, love life, soccer, body you name it, her depression but not where it stems from

she plays the piano!! her fave piece is kiss the rain by yiruma

super idealistic n it was also ingrained by her uncle?? she used to always say she wanted to marry her uncle n he always reinforced it like no one is ever going to love her like he does n if inevitably, someone does pique her interest she has to promise that she wont settle for anything less than the best n shes gna be with someone who loves her almost as much as he loves her

she wants to pursue soccer professionally n play for argentina’s womens football team!!

up until her brothers death, only a few people called her luna n her grandma still refers to her as serafina but after his death she only went by luna

she comes from a deeply religious catholic background btu shes more spiritual n only goes to church to appease her grandma

idolises lionel messi, a true argentine treasure

her great grandparents from her dads side moved to argentina from spain n her grandparents from her mums side moved to argentina from italy

she is left handed n left footed

her position is right wing n considers herself 2 be a playmaker

huge nail biter

identifies as panromantic pansexual

she can speak 3 languages, english, spanish n portuguese

loves to dance, gets real rowdy

huge drinker, can knock down 5 shots just for pregaming

adopted a cute lil chow chow named brutus in honour of her brother

aesthetics: hiccups, nipple piercings, canola fields, drinking cold water on a hot day, tripping on a flat surface

yall know my dude is supporting argentina for the wc

huge fc barcelona fan (has nothign to do with messi)(it has everything to do with messi but lets not get into it)

loves the beach n water in general

also loves full moons

swears like a sailor

loves seafood, allergic to prawns though

her favourite romance movies are before sunset, eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, when harry met sally & pretty woman

that being said she feels like she n clementine kruczynski are the same person

wanted connections: 

best friend: they were best friends as kids and maybe dabbled into feelings but decided ultimately they’d stay as best friends [ alvaro ]

best friend 2: basically ride or die, fuck shit up together, cry over shit together, fight people for each other [ evie ]

best friend 3: 

roommate: [ isa ]

ride or die: [ cindy ]

frenemies

love n hate banter relationship: [ ingrid ]

ex gf/bf/partner: 

ex bestie

neighbour??

dorm room roomie

[thehappiestandunluckiest]

The Time We Went on a Saga Holiday

Now, where do I begin with this one?

A SAGA holiday. Saga holidays are organised holidays for people aged 60+ and there are so many types. Cruises, excursions, couples exploring, and the best one, singletons holidays.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Back in 2016, we’d had a hard year (a little foreshadowing here, if we thought that was hard just wait a couple of years…). We couldn’t afford to go on our usual summer holiday but it was getting towards the end of the summer and we needed a break. So my mum and dad went searching and found this little summer town on the coast of Spain, only 3 hours away from us and they were having an end of season sale – perfect!

So we book, pack our bags for this two-night getaway and we’re off.

Looked it, booked it, fucked off! *it’s an inside joke*

So ever oblivious we wiz down to Spain in our beloved fiat 500 – far too fast, my dad likes to pretend he’s in fast and furious. And we get to the town.  It’s empty. It’s a ghost town! Now we didn’t care, after all, we live in the Algarve and we had had enough of tourists so some clean sheets, food and sun was enough. We rock up to the hotel, it's huge and promising, but! Now side note, my life seems to be filled with BUT’S and not the nice kind like Channing Tatum's butt- the bad kind, like when your mum says you can leave the table, but you have to take the rubbish out kind of but.

So outside this towering hotel that's guarded with palms and bird of paradise are 2 buses. Big buses. And swarming out of them is an army of 60 to 80-year-old Spanish men and women. 

Now, imagine this, you walk into a lobby, ready to dump your bags, change into a swimsuit and relax but instead, you're greeted by about 200 Spanish buzzing, imperial leather smelling, silver taloned old people. Now I don't want to offend anyone who’s of the 60 plus era, nor do I want to get the wrath of any angry Spanish people, but god it was a lot to take it. Now I have a Spanish godmother who I love dearly – shout out to Angela being the only godparent to stick by my side! But Latin blood boils FAR hotter than any other blood and the more mature the person – the worse. 

So my dad goes up to reception dodging the Spaniards like mines in a warzone. The reception is immediately so apologetic and transfer us to their sister hotel that’s 5 stars and just across the street. That’s great we drive over.

Oh -  but how the gods were against us on this one – or at least we thought that at first.

This lobby, equally as bombarded with OAPs* was a parallel universe to the last hotel but the difference was – they were single, 60 + year old Britons. This was going to be fun.

If I were to briefly and very broadly describe these lovely people, it would be like this. 

Some wore shell suits – they must have been jocks when they were younger, maybe they were playboys that never settled down. They leant against the walls chatting up the ladies. It was honestly very peculiar to watch and I did wonder what their pick up lines would be like? “My arteries are the only things that have hardened” *gags*

Then you have your cargo shorts, bright coloured polos and socks with sandals men - Now I’m not sure who the hell thought it was ok to send grandpa off with that many bad ideas in one suitcase, but they did. I would also like to take some time here to mention that MEN CAN GET CAMEL TOES TOO AND IT BURNT MY 16-YEAR-OLD EYES!

Next, we have similar to the last cargo shorts, socks and polos men but with trainers – now this is a special breed, the polos are usually less irritating to the eye (usually white or blue), they wear a belt a little too tight, and socks halfway up their calves. Usually, this specie is a university professor or a small town business owner. They don’t carry viagra pills with them everywhere and ask you about your family not your bra size like the jocks do.

Women. Now as most men would be able to confirm, explaining: describing; and understanding any woman ever, is like solving quantum physics formulae with a blindfold on whilst the room is on fire, but the women were mainly wearing fluorescent colours, lots of shawls and hot pink lipstick and ridiculously oversized beaded jewellery. They giggled like teenage girls talking about Harry Styles naked.

So, my brother and I had never gone on an all-inclusive holiday, and this was probably for our own good as we very quickly got on a sugar high that turned to a steep fall low off of all you can eat milkshakes and burgers.

 Literally, kids in a sweet shop.

It got to the evening and we went to the only restaurant open (my mum got food poisoning on our last day). We went back to the hotel for a nightcap – exhausting doing nothing all day. 

In the bar they were playing…. guess…go on……guess what they were playing…..BINGO!

Now the ever-competitive family we are, we had to join.

“TWO FAT LADIES- 88” “CLICKETY CLICK- 66!” – you’d think that’s what they were saying but no, that's not what they were saying. 

The two very Spanish hosts did not really speak English. Now if you speak very little of a language you usually don't know how to say 76, 89, you'd be lucky if you know 12, but god bless them, they were trying. They would pick the small bingo ball look at it to see if either of them knew how to pronounce it, shake their heads and choose another instead. It was very amusing. 

We were sat next to a sweet old man who, my best way of describing him is by saying – he was an exact look-alike of the pirate from SpongeBob square pants. So we are having that good old fashioned British banter with a stranger – super normal, but then he popped his eye out.

 HIS EYEBALL. 

OUT OF NOWHERE! 

Now we didn't know how to react to a strange old man passing us his glass eye with no context so we did the only feasible thing to do - grab it and inspect the ball itself but also the crater he just scooped it out of. God, I’m getting queazy just picturing him scooping it up out of his orbital socket like some rum and raisin icecream. *ew*

Minor distraction averted we win the game – more specifically my dad won the game and made sure everyone knew about it, and if looks could kill….

The grandmas weren't happy that he won a bottle of sparkling wine that costs about 6 euros to buy at the store and that you could get at the bar FOR FREE! Because it’s an all-inclusive holiday, but at the end of the day the famous saying goes ‘its the winning that counts!’ (that’s right, right?)

The rest of the night consisted of us talking to another family from the midlands who were actually on an intervention for their 40-year-old son who had lost his wife, custody of his kids and job to a gambling and alcohol addiction. He cried. A lot. It was very bizarre.

We went off to bed. At breakfast, we tried to avoid eye contact with the strange characters we had met the night before.

And left for home the next day.

Now, remember when I mentioned we travelled in our beloved fiat 500, which is the most glorious lawnmower motored vehicle to exist. Well, we didn't realise that we had to pay for parking and it got quite expensive. But oh so luckily the car is so small, that it fit on the sidewalk so we drove the car around the barrier on the sidewalk, ditched a small fortune and drove off into the sunset like the little parkour gangsters we are.

And that was the story of the family holiday that made my mum get food poisoning, my brother and I hate milkshakes and realise that we are in fact very lactose intolerant, and my dad win a very competitive game of bingo. This was the cheapest holiday we had ever been on and by far the best and funniest. We laugh about it often and its one that I can imagine sitting around the table 20 years from now still laughing at.

E. L. Wilson