#then i’ll break out the social psych masters degree

[ahappydnp]

I need them to commission you next time as their little elf to write down deep lore about them. I’m pretty sure you would be fantastic!

ty anon you’re so sweet and also highly correct. dnp pay me to use my remarkably detailed memory of their lives to ruin them emotionally

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

[acciomoondew]

hiya tumblr

i haven’t done this in.. well quite some time but here goes

just to update anyone who is reading this - hi i’m lisa and i am almost done my first year of law school. it’s gone okay, but the exams are murderous they’re so much harder than i could have ever imagined and i’m really struggling. but i just got a job with the prosecution services in a town just about an hour away for the summer. i’ve always wanted to be a prosecutor like genuinely always since i was like 12 years old. it’s hard to articulate why because it’s kind of shifted after going through a whole undergraduate degree where i learned all about people and society and psychology and criminology and stuff. but i still want to be one and i want to make a difference with my career and hope to make at least a small impact on the criminal justice system. but you see the thing is so many people are doubting me on this. just this past week alone two separate colleagues at school have basically told me that my reasons for wanting to be a prosecutors are stupid and i won’t be able to make any changes as a lawyer and you know i get it maybe being a lawmaker or a politician would be able to make more change. but i think it’s important for prosecutors to make changes from within the criminal justice system you know? by not focusing so much on incarceration and targeting of indigenous canadians and use more meaningful consequences that will decrease criminality. i know that’s idealistic and hopeful and probably naive but that’s what i believe and want to do with my life and it’s all i’ve wanted to do for like over 10 years. i’m also so lonely? i have friends at school but we don’t really hang out outside of class and lunch and school-related functions. i mean a couple times i have been invited out and that’s nice. but my friends pre-law school are not communicating with me. i’m always the one starting the conversation and rarely does it last long. so yeah i’m struggling. a couple weeks ago i had my reading week break and told them to let me know when they were free so we could get together and so one suggested the snow maze and then i immediately said yes that sounds great and it took the others (one of which is like the leader of the other two - they won’t go if the one main one doesn’t) until the day before to finally commit. but then when we got there (i drove because i’m the only one with a car) the three fucked off and did their own thing and left my other friend and i alone. and then you know i had to drive them home and they like didn’t talk to me on the drive back. so i feel like i did something wrong but of course i didn’t but my brain doesn’t let me think otherwise and yeah the depression thing is always fun but it’s really messing me up but i’m too scared to go to the doctor and do anything about it because i know just how expensive it is to get help and how long it takes to get help and i don’t know if i go see my gp if she just give me a prescription for antidepressants because i think i need them. the social anxiety is getting bad again too, and i think it might be merging into general anxiety which is super fun. i’m crying all the time now and i don’t like that it’s not fun and it makes me feel like shit and idk i just don’t feel like i have anyone to really talk to. i feel like no one wants to talk to me and i know i’m not the best person i try to be nice but i’m so fucking weird and awkward and i don’t know i’m not a good talker i don’t say the right thing i say dumb things all the time and idk maybe i can’t do this maybe i can’t do law school it’s so stressful and hard and i feel so dumb in class which is new i’ve always understood the things i’m learning before but now it’s like everyone around me is having no trouble but i’m struggling and i just i hate it i hate my self and how i am and i just want to sleep all the time and i do i go to school for like 10 hours and try and do some studying there and then i come home and i’m just so drained that i end up zoning out and not being able to do anything except watch netflix and sleep and it makes it really hard to keep up with courses and i’m really worried that i’m going to fail everything and that will ruin my life i will never be able to become a lawyer let alone a prosecutor and then what do i do with my life because i didn’t do honours psych because i was told i wasn’t good enough for the program so i woudl have to go back and do the 2 year add on just to be considered for the masters program and then i would have to go get a phd and i would still be in school when i’m 30 and i’m spiralling i’m spiralling hard and who knows if i would even be a good clinical psychologist i’m surely not good or smart enough to be a psychiatrist because med school would actually kill me but my peers are so smart like so smart they talk about their undergrad experiences and most of them never got anything less than an A or A+ whereas I got a mix of everything I’m talking like an even split between B+ A and A+ but i still got a bunch of B’s and one C+ and even on the midterms they’re all sad because they all got B’s and i’m sitting there like fuck really i would die for a B because I actually failed one of them, and got a C and a C+ on two others, and that means i’m very at risk of not doing well overall and holy fuck the finals are worth between 70 and 80% of my grade and that’s terrifying and i just know i’m going to fuck it up and i’m just so scared and worried and in addition to the crying you know when you can actually feel a strain in your heart like you heart is trying to leave your chest because you are just so sad and oh heart yeah still single still a 23 year old virgin who has been on 3 dates and is continually rejected on dating apps and i’ve never even been kissed and how pathetic is that i mean how do you get to be twenty fucking three without having any physical intimacy like i don’t even get hugs because i don’t see my friends because they don’t talk to me anymore and my immediate family are not huggers and i’m worried that i’ll never be able to find a partner because who wants someone so old who has no experience whatsoever and is emotionally and physically stunted in the romance department and oh yeah and questioning sexuality is fun too like that’s just one more thing to be worried about and i’ve been going between over eating and not eating and i’ve gained so much weight i’m so disgusting my body is repulsive to me so i can’t imagine ever showing it to another person and i really yeah i really wish i could just start over like die and start over or at least maybe go back to grade 4 and start over because that’s where it all started to go downhill my dad got laid off and then found a job in edmonton which is two provinces away and my mom was so stressed and i had to step up and help around the house and take out garbage and clean and do things to get the house ready for showings and i started to get acne and started to get self conscious and i’ve never really been the same little girl that i used to be and i just wish i had someone to talk to i really just wish i had some person to talk to me and want to talk to me and isn’t doing it out of some sort of obligation  just a person who genuinely wants to be my friend and do friend things i miss having someone to just be silly around i haven’t had that in like 15 years i just don’t like where i am right now in life as a person i just wish i had a different life 

anyway yeah i’m going to go sleep for probably 12 hours now thanks 

[idemandoolong]

Being handsome sucks.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Being handsome has no disadvantages. It’s like being rich or white.” Truth is, there are disadvantages to everything. And being a physically attractive man has its disadvantages. Allow me to explain. Just hear me out.

First of them all, let’s be honest. There’s a strong belief among many people that men are dogs. Men are perverts. Men are sex-crazed. So much so that words like “whore” and “slut” are exclusively attributed to women for doing the same exact thing men (allegedly) do. Keeping that in mind, handsome men are even more prone to be thought of as sex-crazed and players and pimps than average or unattractive men are, because the belief is they can get women much more easily. So that’s what they’re doing.

When we see a handsome man, we immediately think, “Oh I bet he has a lot of women after him. I bet he’s juggling five or six women at a time.” Media reinforces this by showing us music videos and movies and television programs with fifty women chasing one man or dancing all over him or entering contests to be with him.

Think about that.

When have you ever in your life seen a woman literally chasing a man? Or following a man around in a store because she thinks he’s hot? Or a man with eight or nine women dancing on him in the club. Either never or practically never, right?  Unless he’s famous. But if he’s not, even handsome men don’t really get this daily level of attention in real life. Only in scripts.

Which brings me to my point.

When people see handsome men, thanks to constant media reinforcement, they believe he actually does have women literally chasing him and competing with 20 other women for his “love.” People who would otherwise like to get to know him then have their guard up and think “Well he’s not going to get me! I’ll show him!”

They’ll reject him if he does show any interest in them.

They’ll be rude to him out of revenge for all the hearts he’s broken…in their imaginations.

They’ll expect any type of interaction he initiates is actually his way of hitting on them…because that’s the only think handsome men think about, right? Sex.

He got in the elevator with you because he wants to have sex with you.

He walked down the same aisle in Wal-Mart as you because he wants to have sex with you.

He’s from the same hometown you’re from because he wants to have sex with you.

Believe it or not…and you’d be wise to believe it…one problem handsome men deal with is potential romantic partners not trusting them. That is, if they even get that far. A lot of times, they’re rejected right out the gate because the perception is “You’re a player.”

Ok, so you may be saying, “Ok, being trusted. That’s ONE downside of being handsome. But there aren’t any other ones.”

And I may be saying “You’re wrong.”

Ok, I am saying that.

So what’s another downside? People expect handsome men to be virtually flawless because that’s how they look.

Now look. EVERYONE judges people based on their physical attributes. We can all sit here and say we don’t, but we do. And I don’t mean facial features. I mean hair, clothing, weight, muscle mass…we take one look at a person’s physical characteristics and are convinced we know things about them without even asking. Think of a time where you knew of somebody that you didn’t speak to for an extended period of time. Then when you did speak to them, you realized most of your assumptions were wrong.

That’s what handsome men deal with on a daily basis. Only thing is it’s impossible for them to live up to people’s assumptions, because no two people on the planet have the same idea of what a perfect person is.

When two people see somebody they both agree is handsome, they’ll automatically attribute traits to him based on their own idea of perfection—and a lot of those traits contradict the other person’s. Person A will think, “Wow. I bet he really likes children, is highly educated, reserved, is socially conscious, has a close relationship with God, is caring, makes a lot of money, and can sing very well.” Person B will think, “Wow. I bet he’s down-to-earth, extroverted, adventurous, dominant, spends lots of time with his romantic partner, loves sports, and is very clean.”

The handsome man can’t be all of those things, because some of them contradict one another. Highly educated and loves sports? That’s very rare. Extroverted and reserved? Psyche! Makes a lot of money and spends lots of time with his romantic partner? Get real! Ok…enough slang from the early 1990s.

What I’m saying is there is absolutely no way this handsome man can meet both these people’s desires, and there’s barely a chance he’ll even meet all their individual ones. But he’s handsome…which means he must…because it’s been drilled into our heads from early childhood that attractive things and people are good, and unattractive things and people are bad. When you’re told something essentially every single day, and it’s reinforced through media, it’s close to impossible to just stop believing it at the drop of a hat.

So what happens when this handsome man does get with a romantic partner? Disappointment. The romantic partner realizes he didn’t get his bachelor’s degree from Harvard, his two master’s from Oxford, and his PhD from MIT. Oh, and he can’t sing. And sometimes he snores. He’s impatient. His handwriting is sloppy. The movies he likes aren’t that great. He called it “a glove department” rather than “a glove compartment.” He doesn’t follow politics. He can’t find Estonia on a map. He slams the door when he leaves. He leaves soap residue on the bottle and doesn’t clean it off. He laughs too hard. His ringtone is so annoying. Oh my god…he’s a normal, regular, average, everyday person with the same flaws and faults as that average-looking guy I turned down. HE TRICKED ME!

Ah, yes. Handsome men are constantly accused of “tricking” people. Tricking people into believing they have these wonderful perfect magical lives where nothing goes wrong and they never make any mistakes. That’s why women who date male celebrities known for their looks are called stupid and dumb for breaking up with them.

“Oh my god?! Why would she divorce him??! She’s crazy! Look at him!”

She divorced him for the same reason everyone else gets a divorce. She wasn’t happy. And I’m not saying she imagined him to be perfect, but the expectations handsome men have thrust on them tend to be much higher than the expectations average and unattractive men have thrust on them. This explains why handsome men tend to get away with bad behavior—it’s figured he must’ve had a good reason to do what he did, because he never does anything wrong. Average and unattractive men don’t have to live up to god-like expectations from people—especially from romantic partners.

They’re allowed to annoyingly slide their feet when they walk. But a handsome man better glide silently or he’s a trickster.

Average and unattractive men are allowed to wait until payday to do something, but handsome men better be able to drop $2,400 easily, every day, all day. Otherwise he’s a fraud.

Average and unattractive men are allowed to miss the point of what you’re saying and only focus on the easiest part to reply to, but handsome men better be able to repeat verbatim what you said. Otherwise he’s a charlatan.

Ok. So what have we covered? Handsome men must overcome the instant player accusation and they must be damn near perfect in every way, even if those ways contradict each other. Then there are the other inconveniences handsome men deal with:

Being stared at in public. Remember how irritated you got when that one person was staring at you? Now imagine it happening pretty much every day and everywhere you go.

People they’re not attracted to not taking “no” for an answer, no matter how polite or rude the handsome man is. You know that person who texts you and never has shit to say? Handsome men are talked to every day by people who don’t have shit to say.

Being flirted with when he’s not in the mood to talk to anyone. You ran into the store to get some batteries right quick, then went back home. It took the handsome man twenty extra minutes because the cashier wouldn’t stop talking to him. He just wanted batteries too, but he has to feign interest in people you walked right by and wouldn’t remember them if you saw them 15 seconds later.

Envious people trying to make his life hard. Most hiring managers are men, and if they think this candidate is handsome...well he won’t get hired because the hiring manager doesn’t want to feel self-conscious every time he sees him. Or if he does get the job, co-workers and supervisors are harder on him to show “You aren’t so great!”

The belief that if a handsome man is kind, it means he’s romantically interested. If he’s unkind, it means he’s conceited. Handsome men aren’t allowed to just be friends with people. They’re not granted that privilege because we’re told they don’t want friends. They want sex.

Loneliness. People don’t trust him and/or they ONLY want to associate with him in hopes of dating him. Nobody is genuinely interested in his well-being. Nobody feels he has real problems and needs help. Nobody texts him in a crisis.

Now you STILL may say this doesn’t seem so bad, but oh…it is. We can all think of times when people said they envied you for some reason, and you thought, “Well it’s not so great, actually.” You pointed out the downsides of whatever it was they wish they had, and they were either surprised…or they denied it. They still told you what you had was perfect, but you insisted it wasn’t. It has its good parts AND bad…but they wouldn’t hear it. It got to the point that you were annoyed at how ignorant and arrogant they were to literally tell you that your experiences are incorrect.

So after reading all this…don’t be that person.

[scriptshrink]

Writing a Therapist: General Guidelines

There are dozens of different approaches therapists can use to treat clients, and each therapist applies them in their own way. But there are certain things that ALL good therapists you write should do.

A warning - this article is Americentric. I am not sure how these things work in other countries. The laws about these things also vary even by states WITHIN the US. I recommend looking up the laws in the area you’re setting your story in. 

Some of these guidelines are adapted from earlier posts I’ve made and questions I’ve been asked, and have been collected here for easy reference.

Education / Training

In the US, to be a therapist, you have to have gotten an undergraduate bachelor’s degree. If the degree is in Psychology or Social Work, that really helps, but it’s not required to get into graduate school, which is the next step.

A therapist character has two options from here: get their Master’s degree, or go directly for their doctorate.

A Master’s is where the character gets the training to become a licensed therapist.  Typically these programs are 2-3 years, and are often specialized: family therapy, school psych, etch.

During these Master’s programs (usually your second year), your character would have started working with clients under the supervision of another therapist.

By supervised, I don’t mean “supervisor literally sits in every single therapy session.”  It’s more like your therapist would be reporting to a senior psychologist about their cases, consulting with them and following their advice. The therapist character would have to complete several hundred hours of supervised therapy.

After that, the therapist character could sit for an exam in order to get their license.  This exam is super serious business, and can take months to prepare for.

Different states have different rules; I recommend you look up the state you’re setting your story in for more information.

Now.  The other option is if you’d like your character to get their doctorate, and be a full licensed psychologist. These come with a fancy PhD. or PsyD. after the character’s name, and they get to be called “Doctor”. Typically a PhD is more research-based, and a PsyD more clinical-based. Some doctorate programs have you earn your master’s while you’re getting your doctorate.

These programs take longer (between 4 and 6 years, typically), the character needs to write a dissertation, and they need to spend a full year doing a full-time internship in addition to the supervised therapy.

They also need to get licensed (see above).

ETHICS

Confidentiality

This is a big, important thing to consider when writing any therapist. What happens in therapy sessions is almost always confidential - the therapist is bound by ethical code (and even by law) not to reveal what you say, or even that you’re in therapy.

This confidentiality has some exceptions, however.

If the therapist believes the client character is actively suicidal or homicidal, the therapist character has a duty to ensure the safety of both their clients and their intended target. This is typically done through involuntary hospitalization and/or notification of law enforcement authorities. The ability of therapists to break confidentiality in this manner and the legal protection they have for doing so varies by the state.

If the therapist believes that a child is being abused or neglected, they are obligated to report it. (I’ll be covering why this is a very sticky issue in a future post).

If the therapist believes that an elderly or disabled person is being abused or neglected, they must report it.

If the client character is under the age of 18, the character’s parent or guardian may be informed about the therapy that goes on.

The therapist may be court-ordered to hand over their records. This is rare, but it happens.

Therapists may on occasion need to discuss a client’s case or consult with their supervisors or a specialist. This isn’t like ‘water cooler talk’ or gossiping about clients - this is the therapist saying “I need help figuring out how I can best help my client.”

The client character has given their explicit, signed consent for the therapist to pass on information to another person (such as to an insurance company).

Part of the first session with any client would be discussing the limits of confidentiality.

Suicidal thoughts (or in fancy therapy terms, suicidal ideation) do not necessitate hospitalization in and of themselves. Once a character has brought it up in therapy, the therapist will ask a lot more questions to gauge if the character is at imminent risk of committing suicide. Most importantly, the therapist would want to find out if the character has a plan for killing themselves. If they do, do they have the means to do it?

If the answer to both of those things is yes, it is very likely that your character could be hospitalized involuntarily.  

If the therapist character is seriously concerned, but feels like they do not have the grounds to involuntarily hold the client, they would likely suggest that the client voluntarily check themselves in to a hospital to get extra support. The therapist would likely try to come up with a safety contract with him, and make sure their social support system is able to help when they need it most. 

Dual Relationships

Dual relationships, also known as “multiple relationships”, basically mean that in addition to a therapist-client relationship, the two characters have an additional kind of relationship that’s not related to the process of therapy.

For example:

A therapist invests money into a client’s startup company

The therapist meets up with and hangs out with the client with no therapeutic purpose

A therapist is romantically involved with someone who is NOT the client, but close to the client (e.g., a client’s brother, mother, etc.)

The therapist is also a professor, and the client is one of their students

These are bad because it erodes the professionalism of the therapist’s relationship with their client. There’s an imbalance of power that can easily turn into exploitation. The therapist character know the client’s secrets, and they don’t know the therapist’s.

The process of therapy isn’t about the two characters being friends. No matter how much the therapist enjoy working with a client, they’re not friends. Hell, if I ever even encounter a client outside of therapy, just the act of acknowledging that I know them could be a breach of confidentiality.

Anyways, there is some disagreement about what kinds of dual relationships are inappropriate.  

Dual relationships are much more of an issue when a therapist is in a very rural environment - if they’re the only therapist in a town of only 100 people, they’re inevitably going to be in some kind of dual relationship. The key is not to let therapeutic relationship be dominated by it, and never enter into a dual relationship where they exploit the client.

Here are a few examples of dual relationship things that in my mind are not necessarily unethical, but a therapist should tread fucking carefully in:

The client invites their therapist to be at their college graduation

The therapist and client go to the same church, but don’t interact with each other during it

However, there is one universally agreed-upon dual relationship that is not just completely inappropriate, but will get the therapist’s license revoked and can even get them thrown in jail in some places.

Therapists should never, under any circumstances, sleep with their clients.

This is so bad. Please don’t write it unless you include the consequences of doing so. It is an incredible violation of boundaries and ethics, and gives therapists a bad name.

FAQ

Do therapists have a strict “no touch” policy? Or can they sit next to, hold hands with, or hug a crying patient who needs it?

This depends on the therapist. Some are okay with it, some are not. It also depends on the approach that the therapist uses: a person-centered therapist is likely to be okay with this, but a psychoanalytic therapist would probably never do it.

Also, institutions (like hospital psych wards) have requirements the therapist must adhere to, regardless of their personal feelings on it.

Do therapists ever make home visits?

Yes. This typically happens with clients with agoraphobia, when behavioral interventions are being made, or when the therapist would like to observe the client’s routines. For example, it’s pretty common for a therapist to be there and help intervene when a client with OCD is struggling with their compulsive routines and need help in the moment.

Do therapists ever meet with clients outside the office?

See above. If a client is doing exposure therapy, then a therapy session could also be held as a sort of ‘field trip’ - the session would take place out of the office and somewhere that has the conditions the client wants to learn to deal with. This could also be a way for a therapist to support a client through a difficult event (such as testifying in court) - but again, this would be part of a session, and the therapist would be paid for it.

Do therapists ever meet with clients outside of work?

Unless it’s part of an exposure therapy situation (ie, being there to support someone in a real world situation as a part of therapy), that’s a bit of a no-no. See the section above on dual relationships.   

How long is a session?

It depends on the therapist and the setting. Usually, it’s around 45-50 minutes. It may run longer if the client is in crisis, but doing so can mean taking time away or delaying the sessions of other clients the therapist is seeing that day. Therapists usually spend the ten to fifteen minutes after a session to write up notes, do some paperwork, and prepare for the next session.

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[pet-diary]

I don't understand the american college system. Like, do you need to study 15 f*cking years to start working as a psychologist? I mean, do you need a Phd and all that? What can you do with just the bachelor's degree? And how much does all that cost?

Well, I’m not really in-the-know right now, which is why I’m trying to figure it all out myself, lol. It’s very confusing to me too… But I’ll try to clarify based on what I think I know (I might be wrong).

So based on that post I just reblogged by therapy101,

“an average range is 9 to 15 years from beginning your undergraduate degree to starting your first job as a licensed clinical psychologist. Some people will need more time but it’s very unlikely to do it faster than this.“

Given that it takes me forever to do anything, I would guess that if I went after this type of career I would take longer than most (so I would be middle-aged by the time I was “finished”! :S This seems wild to me but not really surprising). When they say 15 yrs, they’re including all the internships and time spent applying and doing extra work and writing and research, and basically all the extra stuff you have to do to be qualified, and some of the optional stuff. Going to the actual school doesn’t take that long, but you don’t stop there.Generally, yes you have to have a PhD or a PsyD to be a psychologist. I imagine that is true across the world but I might be wrong (I have no idea, but yeah the term “psychologist” is a doctorate degree position, and doctorates are not just handed out to anyone interested, they require a lot of hard work, time, and money). You can be a counselor and things like that with a masters and proper certificates etc, I think. I don’t know much about that… I might end up getting into that if the doctorate stuff seems too impossible, so I need to research that more……

In psychology there is not much you can do with just a bachelor’s degree, sadly. That is why I’m looking into grad school. You might be able to get jobs doing tech work or assistance work with an associates or bachelors, and even that sometimes requires special certificates and training (like CNA certificates), but that is literally like mopping up floors and changing diapers and breaking up fights, lol.I’m not kidding. I mean, I’m sure some jobs are really great, and you can work your way up to something better. But there’s not a whole lot you can do with just an AA or BA in the psych field. You could do things like clerical work, or some kind of assistance that is less grimey. But even that is not the same as working in the field. (For example, I was a vet assistant and a lawyer’s assistant and while those jobs got me in the door and able to witness some interesting stuff, they were very low level grime work and I didn’t have a say in the way things went or anything, and often got blamed for problems I didn’t cause because I was the lowest level employee. But it is a great experience to do this type of work and there’s nothing wrong with it, other than how little you get paid which is minimum wage or slightly more if they like you). If you wanted to work around mental health but you didn’t want to go for the prestigious scary school intensive stuff, there’s other things you can do with less schooling like nursing, social work, etc, although those also require graduate degrees in order to move up… That’s just the way it is in this country! BAs and AAs don’t mean much anymore. You can’t hardly even get a min wage job without a college degree, it’s fucked.

Ok, so to sum it up based on what I think I have learned (again, I might be wrong I’m not in grad school so I’m still figuring it all out), getting all the certifications and internship requirements and schooling done and becoming a psychologist can take 9-15 years out of high school. Along the way you can get a masters and just stop there, which takes less time. You’ll obviously do your BA first, which takes time. You could probably work or volunteer or do internships at any point during any time in your life. What kind of opportunities you get will become more prestigious and involved in the field the higher up you are in the process. You HAVE to have work under your belt in order to even pursue a graduate degree, like, it’s required before you even apply and it’s required during your time in school. So, in a sense, you will be working in the psych field the entire time, but you won’t technically be a “psychologist” until you’ve completed that part of your training which takes a long time.

Also, school costs a bloody fortune. But luckily there’s financial aid in the form of loans, scholarships, etc.

I hope I didn’t butcher that explanation, I’m still trying to understand it all myself. I would refer to the post I mentioned at the beginning of this ridiculously long response instead of what I’m writing though, it was a lot clearer.

Also, here’s some great sites for getting a general overview of jobs and what they entail (all are US specific I think):

https://www.bls.gov/ooh/

https://www.onetonline.org/

http://www.apa.org/careers/resources/guides/index.aspx