#then maybe! the negative effects! would be minor!

[jynxlovesluck]

Real character growth is thinking weed is the Worst Drug On the Planet as a kid and growing up going "Actually, while weed itself has both negative and positive effects for different people for different reasons, we should talk about how the substance itself is used to demonize and imprison poor people, and you KNOW it's aimed even moreso at people of color, of Black and Latino people ESPECIALLY, all for your local Senator to get the shit shipped to their house and accept the taxes it brings in by the-"

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, Mr. Fucking Anslinger.

[taiyeoki]

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐁𝐄 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐘? | 𝐊𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐎

↳ Kashimo + Reader

Genre . Smut

Warning . 🔞Minors do not interact | Contains breeding/impregnation, face fucking, nipple play, fingering, cancelled orgasm

Synopsis . Kashimo doesn't always show vulnerable emotions but when a man comes around fancying you, his wife, that wall comes crashing down with the simplest jealousy. Now he just wants to fuck you till tomorrow. Maybe putting a baby in you will make sure you're his.

A/N . This was supposed to be finished way sooner but I got too caught up with some other work, causing me to sleep at 4-5am for weeks straight and it physically affected me so I got body ache and inflammation. Turns out I got covid. And then afterwards, which is currently, I'm focusing a lot on art lmao.

You had no plans today but to lay around on the couch all day long. Kashimo didn't mind since he's used to the woman staying at home during his time period anyway. The only difference now though is that you weren't even doing any chores. He never forced you to do them though, but seeing you sprawled out on the couch with a bag of chips next to you had him pushing you to get up.

Which is why you were here now, going into stores around the city. No way is Kashimo Hajime going to let his wife laze around all day. He cared about his wife's wellbeing and he knew the negative effects of being cooped up at home. However, this time he wasn't one bit pleased at all. He just regrets taking you out in the first place.

Your husband held a scowl on his face. He always looked fierce to begin with but this was different. You could feel his stare boring holes into the back of your head.

Going to the counter to order takeaways, the cashier held a rather innocent looking expression. The bright smile and friendly service wasn't fooling Kashimo though. He knew the cash register's true intentions weren't just to serve you.

"That'll be $15.70 ma'am," the man's smile widened in an attempt to be 'friendly'. It felt so disgustingly fake to your husband though. You replied with a polite "thank you," as you took your food, smiling in return but Kashimo saw how he purposely brushed his hand onto yours when serving you your order. He knew that you were too kind for your own good so it wasn't your fault for reciprocating the polite gesture but it pissed him off how anyone would try to fancy his wife.

Unfortunately for him, the cashier initiated a little conversation with you.

"I hope you enjoy your food. You've got great taste based on what you ordered. As expected from a woman such as yourself," his eyes darkened with intent staring at your frame, the smile he held wasn't going to fool Kashimo though.

"Do you come here often? I would love to help serve you again," his tongue darts out to lick his lips, almost as if he's moistening his lips to prolong more conversation.

"Oh, thank you. I guess I'm starting to become a usual customer here huh?" Chuckling, you replied noticing that you do come here more often than you think, appreciative of his kind offer.

"Great! That gives me even more reason to come to work," he laughs a bit at his joke but keeps his eyes on you. It was even more apparent now that he's leaning closer to you, close enough that he could take in your sweet scent which was supposed to be reserved for Kashimo only.

"Aren't you here to do your job? Or are you being paid to flirt with customers?" A smooth, velvety voice cuts in. Kashimo swiftly moves in front of you before you can pay for the food. He wasn't going to let this man touch you a second time, dropping the cash on the cashier's hands without even an inch of being near him so he wouldn't have to touch this 'thing'.

"T-thank you. You must be—"

"Her husband," Kashimo scoffed, a smug smile tugged on his lips handsomely. His agile movements snaked his arms around your waist, wrapping you right next to him to show who exactly you belong to.

Kashimo's presence only made the man look smaller than he was with your husband's dominating height towering over him. At least he wasn't dumb knowing how much more muscular your husband is compared to the guy working behind the counter trying to flirt with a married woman. His eyes zero in on Kashimo's strong hold on the small of your back and it was clear how possessive he got. You aren't bothered, leaning into Kashimo to envelope yourself in his comforting scent. The sight only made the man nervous with fear. He knew you were taken seeing from the beautiful blue ring that decorated your soft finger, both you and Kashimo having matching rings. Just by the looks of it he could tell how expensive it must've been and yet he still had the confidence to try and sway you— right in front of your husband too, who surely made more money than him with his part-time cashier job.

"Come on hun, let's go," Kashimo glances softly at you and his tone is gentle. Much different compared to this stranger who's just grateful that your husband decided to stay civil for the sake of his wife. He wears the look of horror when Kashimo turns around to face him once more.

"We'll be leaving now. I wouldn't expect a guy like you to be keeping their job for long if this is how you work."

Arriving home only meant that you had to deal with the little ordeal that happened, inquiring Kashimo about it. "What was that about? You didn't have to be rude you know."

Your beloved husband only scoffed when you reminded him of what happened. Seeing the sour expression on his face told you how annoyed he was, plus the deep scowl on his lips presented how pissed he was too. He pushes you against the kitchen counter, caging you between his strong arms as his lips latch onto your neck, kissing aggressively. You whine softly from how rough he's being, sucking on your supple skin creating hickeys everywhere while your fingers intertwine with his cyan locks. Your breaths are labored, he knows your body better than you do. He knows your sweet spots and your favourite positions, how you like it done and the perfect pace to do it.

Letting go, his saliva connects to your now bruised skin and he admires it.

"Pretty little mark. Should give you more don't you think?"

"Hajime, were you jealous?" You teased, giggling but your smirk is taken away when you feel his rough hand unclasp your bra, the other pulling your shirt up right above your breasts. Your sensitive skin exposed to the cold air causes your nipples to harden more than it needs to. Seeing this has blood rushing down to his cock as he flicks and tugs on your erect nipple, twisting it with the perfect pressure of his thumb and playing with your tits. Your head tips back with a moan, holding onto the kitchen counter for support while your husband ravages your body as he please.

Suddenly you feel his hot breath against your sensitive mounds. His lips wrap around your hardened nipple, sucking sensually producing lewd sounds from the wetness of your skin. His right hand continues to give attention to your left breast while he sucks on the other. You could feel Kashimo's calloused hand massaging your chest, the roughness of his thumb causing more friction against you as he twists and presses your nipple. God— his hands are too good. The man is skilled in pleasing you, he knows the perfect amount of pressure needed to have you over the edge.

Kashimo's free hand pushes your panties down, rubbing your already wet folds to get you prepped. He pushes a prodding finger against your walls, curling his finger just enough to hit the right spot. The sensation of his long finger abusing your sweet spot while his thumb circles your clit has you instinctively opening your legs further for more. Both his hands working you and his mouth sucking and lapping on your erect mounds already has you feeling like you're about to explode.

Your thighs shook in excitement as Kashimo's fingers slid inside of your already drenched cunt, and you moaned loudly, fingers scraping on the table under you with how your body is attacked by all this pleasure. Kashimo could feel your walls tighten around his digits. He knew whenever you needed to cum but as cruel as he is, Kashimo removes himself from your pussy, walls aching to release the familiar buildup in your abdomen.

You whined from the loss of sensation, feeling empty without him. "Hajime, why'd you st—"

He cuts you off, putting his pussy drenched finger inside of your mouth. "Lick it clean," His smooth, husky voice demanded. You couldn't deny how that turned you on more, sucking and lapping on your own juices off of his finger, making erotic sounds from it.

"There you go, see? Not so hard being a good little slut now right?"

He was enjoying the sight of your pretty lips wrapping his fingers, tasting yourself from it. Now his head was full of perverted thoughts on how you would look if you had your lips wrap his dick instead. If he had you sucking and choking on his fat cock.

Kashimo removes his finger from your mouth, too impatient to have you gagging on his dick. He kept his cyan eyes down on you while he licked his own fingers clean and it made you feel small and honestly inferior, submissive to him.

"Kneel down."

He had a mix of dominance and lust, greed hinted at the edge of his voice. You did as he said, kneeling down for your knees to take the weight while your face is in front of his crotch. Kashimo cupped his hand around the growing tent of his pants, rubbing it as his veins throbbed from the blood rushing south to his erection. "Go on. You know what to do," Kashimo had a smug smirk decorating his lips, eyeing down on you in front of him.

You gulped knowing what he wanted, the thought of his dick springing out of its restraints has you dripping wetter than before. Your hands pulled down on his pants slowly, earning a grunt from him at how you were taking your time in this. "Shit hun, stop teasing already," he grabbed a fistful of your hair and you moaned softly from how good it felt, forcing you to do as he say, rushing you more. Kashimo's left with his boxers on but you wanted to prolong your teasing. The tip of your tongue lapped at his clothed bulge leaving a damp spot, receiving labored breaths of sigh from him.

You continued your ministrations, licking his clothed shaft with the tip of your tongue like a needy slut until you yelped when he gently yanked on your hair, "what'd I say about teasing huh?" Your little fun of taking control was instantly stripped away when he forced you to stop. Pulling down the last of his restraints, his thick cock sprung out, tip leaking with precum.

Scrambling on your knees obediently, humiliation washed over you with your husband still gently grasping your hair. Kashimo's fingertip taps on his cock, smearing the pre-cum around the tip and then on your face.

"Pretty face would look better with my cock fucking into your mouth yeah?" He muses, moist tip rubbing up against your soft lips wanting to enter and just violate your face. You're practically drooling, tongue sticking out and he places his shaft flat onto it. You drag your tongue underneath him in a long and slow pace earning a low moan.

Your husband smoothly slides in his cock deep into your mouth, unprepared by his size even though you've already been married for years. You gagged a bit before adjusting to his length, drooling a bit onto his shaft and gripping on his thigh. His cock pushes through your lips, hitting the back of your throat while you try to breathe through your nose.

"Y'know you pissed me off. Just wanted to make me jealous huh?"

You couldn't respond. Cock deep in your mouth, you could only muffle in denial. It was true though, you didn't mean to make him jealous. What started off with you teasing him about it turned into him face fucking you. His smoothly styled cyan hair falls out of place, bangs sticking onto his face from the sweat forming on his forehead and his buns turning messy.

"Shouldn't my wife apologize? Use your big girl words and say you're sorry," the room resonates with his groans, his girth making it hard to breathe as you try and say sorry.

"Mmph- soh-wee—"

It was all you could say after all with a meaty cock in your mouth, nose brushing against his hair as he keeps you in place with the firm grip he has on your locks. A sadistic smirk curled onto Kashimo's lips as he watches, beginning to quicken up the pace. You hate and love how determined Kashimo is, once he sets his goal on something he'll do whatever it takes to achieve it. At this moment though, he's determined to have his wife deepthroating him.

The friction of each thrust has his dick tattooed in a darker red, grunting at the wet cave that's going to send him to heaven. His movements get sloppier and grow desperate, balls slapping against your chin with each thrust.

"Ah— fuck!" With a final thrust he spurts all his cum down your throat, pushing you right against him to keep you in place as his little cumdump and making sure to leave none behind. "Swallow," he demands, hot seed slides down your throat as you try and swallow while his dick is still in your mouth.

With a huff, Kashimo lets go of your abused throat to let you breathe. Gasping for air, your hand rubs your sore neck but you could see how his dick still stays standing despite how satisfied he was with jizzing in his wife's mouth.

Looking up at him, your husband's lips held the seductive smirk, palming on his wet, still-hard cock in front of you. Standing on his full height, he grabs your waist and pulls you up, laying your belly side on the kitchen counter behind you.

"You want this? Your pussy's drooling for my cock but you're not speaking clearly enough. I'm gonna need my little slut to speak. We can't have my wife suffering now can we?"

"Please.." you pleaded, his firm hand spanks your ass receiving a whine.

"Cute."

Kashimo slides inside with ease from how wet you were from your cancelled orgasm, cock stretching out your plush walls as your thighs shook in excitement. Moaning against your sleeve, you start fucking yourself on his dick. Kashimo doesn't hesitate in helping you, picking up the pace and fucking hard into your drenched cunt. You could feel every inch of his dick, pussy memorizing every pretty vein on him, how it feels like you two were made just for each other while his tip easily abuses your sensitive spot.

Your body glistens with sweat, shoulders littered with hickeys with Kashimo leaving bite marks on you, his teeth biting on your skin just hard enough to draw out pleasure without hurting you. You moaned as his fingers rubbed your clit in circles

Kashimo gets the perfect view of where your bodies are connected, every thrust from your squelching cunt creating a white ring of both your arousals. Your trembling legs were proof of how much you were enjoying it, toes curling and fingers gripping the smooth surface of the table with a muffled squeal.

"Fuck- gonna cum inside, gonna make you pregnant,"

He claws against your waist, the euphoria of him filling you up while your hardened nipples rubbed against the counter from each thrust's friction. Your mouth hung open but no noises escaped your pretty swollen lips. Kashimo loved the idea that his cock was making you feel so good that your brain couldn't even react to it all the while his tip kisses your womb with every push, hitting you in your fucked-out state.

"Can't even speak now? Wanna be a mommy huh? You like that idea?"

You tried reaching back to grab his arm, whimpering to signal that you were about to cum with the familiar coil tightening in your abdomen. Your husband leans down to give you kisses though they were more possessive than caring, giving sloppy french kisses with more tongue than lips. The sweat forming at your skin caused you to slide against the counter with every thrust, trying to grab on to anything for support.

The thought of your belly round with a baby and your fuller breasts being sensitive was enough for Kashimo to cum.

Teeth sinking into your neck to muffle his groans, his hot cum spilled inside of you making sure to paint every inch of your walls white. Spurts of his load fills your belly and he stays there cockwarming until it softens, pulling out.

Your husband's digits went down to spread your lower lips, watching how his cum oozed out of you. He curls his fingers to scoop up his orgasm and pushes it back into you, making sure his beloved wife is full of his hot seed.

"Hajime—"

"Sorry hun, I got too rough didn't I? I was just jealous but I'll make it up to you. I just love you so much," he plants a tender kiss on your back, massaging your sore hips.

Giggling at how he peppers soft kisses all over you, you reassure him. "It's okay, I had fun."

Chuckling, Kashimo nuzzles into your neck, still rubbing your sore flesh and promising to give you a full body massage.

"But hey, you'll make me such a happy daddy."

[reiderwriter]

discard this request if it isnt your style but it might be funny

bdsm and kink culture reader with vanilla spencer. r is being super 🌶 and spencer is not understanding (maybe r teaches him and he gets really into it)

Vanilla Spencer is so fucking funny to me, because given the chance this man could have the most fucked up sexual habits of anyone in the BAU but he also seems like the type of guy who would be like "idk people get murdered with shit like this" you know 😭 anyway, here's the fic, hope you enjoy, anon!

Summary: You want to spice up your bedroom activities with Spencer, but he's just not getting it.

Warnings: BDSM themes, vanilla! Spencer into soft! Dom Spencer, mentions of spanking, some dry humping, dirty talk, daddy kink mentioned. 18+ MINORS DNI

Here's my masterlist and my requests are open!

“Oh, what are you gonna do about it? Gonna spank me?”

“Actually, no study has found physical punishment to have a long-term positive effect, and most studies have found negative effects, with children who undergo physical punishment found to grow up to be more aggressive adults.”

You really weren’t sure what you were expecting from your boyfriend.

So far your sex life together had been pretty vanilla. He was an absolute gentleman, making sure to gain your consent everytime he tried something new. He was soft and sweet, and quite honestly, one of the best you’d had in your life because of how attentive he was to your body language.

But recently, you’d been aching for something a little more interesting, to say the least.

“Oh but I’ve been such a bad little girl.” You try again, hoping that he gets the idea this time.

“You shouldn’t think like that, baby, you know you’re doing a great job at work, and if there’s anything you’re struggling with, we can talk it through, okay?” You want to rip your hair out in frustration.

“No, god, Spencer, I want…” you let out a groan and pick yourself up from your chair, choosing instead to climb into his lap and make it more obvious.

“Do you remember that case we took two weeks back? All the couples had some pretty interesting private lives?” You wrapped your hands around his neck and started grinding down on his lap, hopeful that he’d get the idea.

“The family annihilator that went after couples engaging in the BDSM lifestyle? The one who was so traumatised by the discovery of his parents hobbies that he started murdering couples with families that looked like his own?” He still seemed a little confused but he grabbed your hips, aware of the direction this was heading in, at least.

“Heinous murderer aside, were you not at all intrigued by some of the research we had to do?” You pushed your hips down into his again and again, but now you could feel his reciprocation from beneath his slacks.

“Are you talking about the japanese rope bondage, or the dog leashes, specifically?” Spencer teased you, as his hands started trailing up and down your back.

“Spencer don’t tease….”

“No, I’m really curious, what was it that you wanted me to do first?” Spencer was smirking now, and whilst you were happy he was finally picking up what you were putting down, you weren’t exactly excited to have to voice your needs.

“I want you to….I want you to, ummm…..” Your mind was going blank now, because one of Spencer’s hands was now under your skirt drawing small circles, moving closer and closer to your centre.

“Oh that's right, you wanted me to spank you, right baby?” You couldn’t hold back the moan as you felt him finally touch you where you needed him.

“Oh, you like that idea, do you? Want me to throw you over my lap and ruin your nice little ass until you can barely sit.” You were grinding desperately into his fingers now, wishing that he’d make the final move and push your panties aside.

“Use your voice, baby, you know we can’t go any further unless I hear you say what you want.”

“Fuck, fuck, touch me, fucking touch me now.”

“How about we try saying that a little bit nicer this time?” He makes to move his hand away and you whimper - you actually fucking whimper - at the loss of contact, obviously enjoying this a little bit more than you thought you were.

So you partially blamed your unconscious need for him on the next set of words to escape your mouth.

“Fuck me, daddy.”

His hands stilled completely and your eyes shot open, immediatley looking into his darkened ones.

“What did you just call me?” You felt his hips shift under yours and knew you finally fully had him.

“I called you daddy.” You whispered, your lips moving closer and closer to his, practically begging for some more attention.

Instead, he pushed you off him, and you fell unceremoniously onto the floor while he stood and straightened his clothes.

“I want you on the bed, ass up and legs spread for me. What kind of daddy would I be if I denied my little girl, right?” he smirked down at you.

It was going to be a fun night.

[meiliarotten]

Team Fortress 2 Kinktober Time Three: Return of the Kink

Day 12: Hands Under the Table (Public)

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Pairings: Sniper x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Sniper have some fun in a conveniently isolated area of a bar

Tags: Public, dirty talk, fingering, denial, dom/sub, bars, beer (no intoxication), volume control

Word Count: 2.2k

The Masterlist

You gripped a bottle of beer in your hand, letting the condensation soak your palm. Cracking open the cap, you grimaced as it bubbled and dripped down the side before taking a tentative sip. Yup, just as disgusting as the last time you had tried beer. Why you felt the need to force yourself to adapt to this taste, you would never know.

Truthfully, it was probably for the same reason you agreed to come along to this bar in the first place- comradery. You wished your team could get a bit more imaginative with their post-victory celebrations. At the very least, they could buy some drinks and keep them back at the base, where you could at least have the convenience of retiring to your room when things became overwhelming.

Scanning the bar, your eyes fell on Sniper, who had been keeping a booth to himself for most of the night. A bowl of chips in the center of the table remained untouched, and his hat was pulled low over his eyes, as if he simply wanted to fall asleep and be woken up when this was over. Sensing a possible kindred spirit, you approached him.

“I’m surprised you agreed to come,” you said, looking down at Sniper, now seeing that he was also nursing a beer. You wondered if he actually liked the stuff or if he was just faking it like you. Maybe everyone was faking it. Maybe beer was just a grand conspiracy.

Sniper scoffed. “Well, I was practically dragged out of my van to join in.” He nodded towards Scout, who was currently trying to chat up various girls on the small dance floor. It figured that the runner would be the one to pry Sniper out of his self imposed isolation. He was one of the only mercs stubborn and persistent enough to do so. You watched him strut over to the blaring jukebox, leaning against it as if it made him seem cool. You wondered how long it would take for him to put

at least five repetitions of the same Tom Jones song into that thing.

You really didn’t want to be negative. It was a nice bar, nicer than the kind you would usually go to. There was even a small stage for live music, although it was currently empty. After such a long streak of wins, the team had decided to splurge a bit. Yet, you ultimately couldn’t seem to get into the spirit of things.

“I take it you’re having about as much fun as I am?” you asked, your voice oozing sarcasm.

Honestly, you did not enjoy going out. Bars of any kind tended to be loud, crowded, and chaotic. You would much rather celebrate with a night in and some greasy take out. Spy wouldn’t be having that though, with his greater than thou attitude towards American food. Although, based on the way he was sequestered in his own personal corner as well, it seemed this wasn’t very much to his taste either.

“At least most of us seem to be enjoying themselves,” you sighed. Although, as you and Sniper looked out over the crowd, it became clear that some individuals may have been enjoying themselves a bit too much.

Demoman probably wouldn’t be much of an issue. You were almost certain that he was immune to hangovers at this point. The others were another story though. You had a feeling that the few sober ones among you would have to guide them back to the base by the end of the night, and help nurse them back to health in the morning. Why the Medigun wasn’t effective on hangovers, you would never know.

You tried to match Sniper’s laid back demeanor, casually sipping your own beer. However, you couldn’t hide the cringe on your face as you swallowed it down.

“Darling,” Sniper chuckled, watching you try and fail to ignore the taste of cheap booze. “If you don’t like it, why are you drinking it?”

You shrugged, giving a defeated sigh. “I guess I thought if I got drunk enough, this night would seem more entertaining.” You swirled the contents of the beer bottle, only a third empty. “But with how long it’s been taking me to force down sips of this cheap shit, I’m probably not even buzzed.”

Sniper chuckled. You set the bottle down beside him, admitting defeat. He took a swig from it only to find that the drink had long since gone flat. “I might have a way to make the evening more enjoyable, if you’d like,” he suggested, returning to nursing his own beer.

“I’m not dancing,” you quickly said.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sniper said, glancing towards the dance floor where Scout was once again trying to seduce girls with his rendition of some kind of indescribable dance- like a cross between the Charleston and a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time. You were almost envious of his alcohol fueled confidence. “Just have a seat next to me, doll.”

He patted the booth beside him. You were confused, but also intrigued, sitting down and sidling up next to him with a playful smirk. He quickly reciprocated with an arm draped over your shoulders, pulling you close. You were a bit embarrassed by the school girl-like giggle that escaped you as you rested your head on his shoulder.

Sniper’s lips grazed your ear, making you shiver, only for his next words to make you freeze up. “Don’t make a scene.”

“Wh-” You couldn’t even get a full word out before Sniper’s free hand reached over, unbuttoning your fly and slipping his hand into your pants. You bit your lip to keep yourself from gasping. “Oh my God, Sniper!” you whispered harshly. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked as he began to move his fingers, still over your underwear. Even so, it still sent jolts of pleasure through you that made your thighs quiver slightly. “We’ve discussed this, doll. Remember how hot it made you, the thought of me working you over with my fingers in the corner of a crowded room?”

Recalling the conversation made you blush. “Yeah, I remember,” you whispered, thinking back to the night you and Sniper had swapped fantasies over pillow talk. “I just didn’t expect it to be happening now.”

“Well, I believe a key part of that little fantasy was the element of surprise,” Sniper said. “You didn’t want to know when I might spring it on you.” He paused suddenly, his smirk wavering. “Of course, if you aren’t up for this now, we can stop-”

“No, no! I am!” You cringed, lowering your voice and glancing around to make sure no one had noticed your outburst. It appeared that the din of the crowd had effectively drowned you out. “That is, I am very much up for this.”

Sniper nodded, turning his gaze away from you. He sipped his beer, holding the bottle with his free hand while the one down your pants began to rub ever so slowly. Your face flushed scarlet and you bit your lower lip to keep any noises from escaping. Your adrenaline was running high, heightening every sensation. Even being touched through your underwear like this felt incredible.

“Please,” you stammered. “Keep going.”

“Of course, darling.”

Your underwear was pulled to the side, and you shuddered as you felt Sniper's fingers drag along your cunt, coating the digits with your arousal. It didn’t take much effort for him to work a couple fingers into you within a few minutes. You hooked a leg over his thigh, trying to spread your legs in a way that wasn’t too conspicuous. He allowed it, rubbing his free hand over your thigh for a moment. His palm was cold from the chill of the beer, causing goosebumps to erupt over your skin.

The hum of the crowd seemed to fade into the background as Sniper began to pump his fingers faster. He kept switching it up, swapping between thrusting into you and circling your clit, keeping you on your toes, yet always bringing you closer and closer to the edge until the sensation of building, tightening pleasure was at the forefront of your mind, eclipsing everything else.

You didn’t trust yourself to speak. You didn’t even trust yourself to look out into the crowded bar, fearing that something in your expression would give you away. Still, you had to try to say something, to warn Sniper that you were close.

“Mundy,” you whimpered. “I’m going to-”

“Not yet.”

Your body immediately stiffened. “No, no, no! Don’t be mean, Mundy! I can’t- oh fuck!” Your plea for mercy dissolved on your lips. You kept a white knuckled grip on the table in front of you, scowling down at it like it had personally offended you. It was all you could do to keep your eyes from rolling back.

“Darling, keep it together,” Sniper whispered, although through clenched teeth, it sounded more akin to a growl. “Or else I’ll have to punish you later.”

You frowned, barely keeping the moan out of your voice as you responded with a tense and curt “Fine.”

“And I'll Ignore your attitude, just this once.”

Damn it, he always needed to have the last word. You clamped a hand over your mouth, gluing your eyes to the table. Sniper’s fingers curled inside you, stroking gently and rhythmically. It was all you could do to keep yourself from arching back against the booth.

Sniper downed the rest of his beer. Glancing down, he saw the way your thighs were trembling, even though you were seated. It was quite an alluring sight, and Sniper couldn’t help but get enraptured in it, imagining being inside you, pinning you down somewhere private, and making all those pretty sounds spill freely from your lips. He shook his head, putting those thoughts out of his mind for now, lest he be forced to hold his own hat suspiciously in front of his crotch for the rest of the night.

“You’re pulsing around my fingers. You’re so close you can taste it, aren’t you?” He whispered. You nodded, barely looking up at him, a whimper just barely escaping past your hand. “You’re about to come in front of all these people who don’t have a clue what’s going on right under their noses.” Sniper pressed his fingers firmly against your sweet spot, making you jolt.

“Mundy,” you groaned his name softly, leaning against him. To anyone who glanced over, it would look like you had just overindulged on alcohol. Your flushed face only served to sell the facade even more. It was the perfect cover, really. Still, you would rather not get caught, even though the risk thrilled you in its own unique way. “Mundy, please!”

“It’s alright, doll. You can come, as long as you think you can stay quiet.”

His permission was like a trigger being pulled. Trying not to writhe as your orgasm ripped through you was a struggle, but you managed, hunching over the table and resting your forehead on the cool hard wood. Keeping quiet was a bit more difficult, but luckily the music was loud and the bar denizens were even louder, so the few moans that escaped you went unnoticed.

You stayed with your head on the table for a while, panting, letting out a soft groan when Sniper withdrew his fingers. He was stone faced, simply looking out over the bar as if nothing had transpired. It was only when you sat up that he glanced over at you, giving you a smirk that made your heart flutter. Between the ambient light of the bar and the post orgasmic haze, he looked handsome as hell. You wanted to lean up and kiss him before you could say something embarrassingly sappy.

Sniper broke the silence before you could. “I have a feeling the rest of the team isn’t going to be in any shape to walk back to base tonight.” He nodded towards the dancefloor, where you were certain at least half of your fellow mercenaries were currently making asses of themselves. However, you couldn’t be bothered to look. You didn’t want to tear your gaze away from Sniper. “How about we head back and grab my van so that they can have a ride? Hell, there might even be just enough time to give you a little reward for being such a good girl.”

An enthusiastic grin spread across your face. “I would like that,” you said, standing up quickly. A bit too quickly, apparently, as you staggered within your first step. Thankfully Sniper was at your side in an instant, linking your arms together to keep you steady. He had half a mind to scoop you up and simply carry you out of the bar.

As he guided you towards the exit on shaky legs, he caught the eyes of another patron. They were supporting the weight of their own very intoxicated partner, who was singing- or rather, shouting- the lyrics to whatever song played from the jukebox unintelligibly as they stumbled along. They gave the two of you a sympathetic look, and Sniper suppressed the smirk that threatened to creep onto his face. If only they knew.

[crusty-chronicles]

Forgiveness and Acceptance

Ch 3: Changes

MASTERLIST

Synopsis: Despite what it may seem, Kite still struggles with his chimera body. A constant internal struggle between his rational thoughts and new instincts.

NSFW Minors DNI

Warnings: Intimacy, mentions of nudity, mentions of breeding

-------------------------

Kite awoke engulfed in a familiar warmth. A feeling that was unmistakeably you. Limbs tangled in a comfortable mess, beckoning him back into sleep. But he couldn't. Not today. Unfortunately, you both had somewhere to be. So he begrudgingly opened his eyes. Your loving smile being the first thing he saw today. One he'd be missing for the next week.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” You cooed. 

Without fail, his face reddened at your teasing. He really should have been used to it by now. But you had a habit of getting under his skin in the best way possible. No matter how much time had passed, your words would always have an effect on him.

“How many of those do you have?” He asked, snuggling deeper into the crook of your neck.

“Endless. Maybe if you weren't so pretty I'd stop calling you princess.”

He could practically hear the smirk in your voice.

“Mhmm. Sure.”

And he was right, your cheeky grin on full display as you caught the sight of red. Very much enjoying his flustered state. The two of you content to bask in the other's warmth for as long as possible. 

It was another five minutes before Kite pulled away from you enough to meet your gaze. Staring into your sleepy eyes that weren't as burdened with dark circles as they once were. That never seemed to carry the same heaviness from before. You'd come so far since then. Since the Chimera Ant Incident. Which brought him back to what he'd dreamt of last night.

The realization that he hurt you.

That you let him hurt you.

He never really asked you about what happened, or rather, you didn't like talking about it. There were bits and pieces he gathered from Ging and the boys. But other than that, he didn't pry. Maybe if he had, he wouldn't have been so caught off guard by what he did. As repulsed.

Yet despite that, you were still here next to him. Offering up your comfort and love in exchange for his. Joined together so intimately, he was hesitant to move. To disrupt this peaceful morning. It wouldn't have been fair to worry you before you left. But it seems even without your nen, you could still read him like a book. Your expression shifting into one of concern.

“About last night…” you started. Already sensing his rising discomfort.

“We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But I'd like to know at least how you're feeling.”

Because you knew what it was like to startle awake from a night terror. Forced to relive something you just couldn't escape. And you knew what it was like not wanting to talk about it. Not wanting to relive the dream a second time. If he didn't want to tell you what was bothering him, that's okay. You just needed to be sure he was fine. That whatever it was he dreamt about couldn't hurt him.

But Kite was never the type to hide things from you. He was more open than you could ever hope to be. 

“... You let yourself get hurt by me. During the ant incident.” He said after a while.

He didn't have to explain for you to know what he was talking about. The hits from when he was a puppet under Pitou’s control. The swelling and bruising that came after. Only for the process to repeat itself the next day. And the next day. Until the dreadful extermination mission from the hunter association. It was the only time he'd ever actually hurt you.

But it wasn't really him was it?

It was Pitou's nen controlling him. And you could never blame him for that. It was your decision to visit him everyday. Your decision to step in front of Gon. Your choice to give whatever negative emotions he may have been harboring an outlet. Back then, you'd been able to feel the pent up malice. 

“You weren't yourself.” You rebuttabled. 

You hadn't been sure he was even in there. But you remember what you told the boys that day. The first time you'd seen his stitched up state.

‘Being an adult is hard. I'm supposed to stay strong and tell you everything's gonna be okay. But how can I reassure you when I don't even believe that.’ 

You didn't know if he'd ever come back to you. If the consequences of your cowardness could be reversed.  So you'd taken every hit, not knowing any other way to make it up to him when you weren't even sure he was alive.

“But I still hit you.” Kite argued.

“I've been hit by a lot of people. I'm used to it. It wasn't your fault anyways. It was mine.” Your fault for running away and letting him get caught up in the aftermath.

You'd told him about your upbringing. How your clan would punish you for making a single mistake. How they always told you that you weren't good enough.

An old habit of blaming yourself for the abuse inflicted on you. 

It was something you were working on. Something he was trying to help you through. Which is why he refused to continue to let you think that way. You shouldn't have to be used to being hit, regardless of if you were a fighter. You shouldn't blame yourself for everything that's happened. 

“It wasn't your fault. What happened was not your fault.” He moved to cup your cheek with as much softness as he could muster. Making sure your eyes were focused on his. 

Yet still you avoided his gaze. As if you felt guilty. Now he had to know-needed to know just what the hell was going through your head.

“Why did you let me hit you? Did you think of it as a way for me to get even for what happened?”

He hit the nail right on the head. And for a brief moment, you regretted opening your mouth this morning. You still weren't used to being open when it came to bad memories. They were always harder to talk about. But you owed Kite that much. To reassure him that what happened was not his fault.

You would have done it all over again if it meant he was still here.

“...I thought it was the least I could do.” You said. An honest answer. He was getting better at drawing those out from you. But it only further worried him.

“I wasn't in there. Do you think if I was, I would have still lunged for you?”

Your hesitance to speak had been answer enough for him. 

“I don't know.” You responded, almost looking ashamed.

You really thought he had been hitting you on purpose? That it was his choice. Seeing it happen through his own eyes was enough to send him spiraling. But to willingly hurt you…He would never be able to forgive himself. For you to believe he ever hated you at some point, he must've been doing a terrible job of showing you the exact opposite. That he loved you more than he could put into words.

But he would show you. He had the rest of his life to prove it to you over and over again.

“I'm sorry.” He leaned up and pressed his forehead to yours.

“Why are you apologizing?” You asked. 

“Because you mean everything to me. And I don't want you to think you deserve anything less than.”

You didn't even realize you were crying until he swiped away one of your tears with his thumb. Your heart only swelling from the gesture. What did you ever do to deserve this man? Someone who only ever saw the best in you. Who had once again convinced you there was a chance he revered you just as much as you did him.

“I was supposed to be the one comforting you today. But here I am blubbering like a baby.” You said with a sad smile.

Crying had been another thing. You never liked crying in front of others. Another part of yourself you hid away, but never from him. Kite didn't like seeing you cry either. But he understood it was a part of your healing. Being able to just feel instead of bottling it up. 

That didn't mean he was just gonna sit by and do nothing when your thoughts were so self destructive.

“You've done more than enough.” He assured.

Because you'd brought him back at the risk of losing everything. Your life, your relationship with the boys, your nen. One of which you'd lost permanently. Or so it seemed.

He pressed his lips softly to yours.

“I love you.”

And once again you were struggling with those three little words. So close yet so out of reach. You just couldn't say them, but you could still tell him how you felt.

“Kite, you are so important to me. I'd do anything for you.” Anything to make him happy.

And for some reason, those words didn't sit right with him. A foreboding feeling settling in his stomach. But he brushed it off, about to offer more words of comfort before the sound of an alarm went off. Your peaceful morning had come to an end.

You let out a sigh before speaking.

“We gotta get going.”

“You go on ahead and get ready first,” Kite encouraged. 

He placed a hand on your hip. Tracing little circles with his thumb on your thigh as he finally pulled out. Mourning the loss of your warmth. He looked back up to make sure you weren't in any pain, but he caught sight of a dark bruise on your neck.

“Does that hurt?” He asked, remembering he'd bitten you last night in his haste to feel your comfort.

You reached up and skimmed the mark with your fingers, wincing slightly at the feeling.

“It feels a little sore but other than that, no.”

Before he could question you further, you'd gotten up. Placing a kiss on the tip of his nose and quickly making your way to the bathroom. The sound of the shower turning on signaled the beginning of what would be a long week.

Your doctor’s appointment was something he couldn't help but dread. A day to get there. Two days of tests. A day to get results. And one for rest. Absolute hell for him. He understood that this was important to you. Why it mattered so much.

But you'd been trying for over a year to get your nen back with no luck.

Would it really be so bad to accept it was lost forever now? After so much time had passed? It's not like anybody would think any less of you. You'd proved yourself a thousand times over during the extermination mission. Everyone did. Then there was the question of why you were trying so hard to get your abilities back.

A goal.

Something to chase after.

But what would you do once you regained your nen?

Would you become a hunter? No. Despite all that's happened, you still despised the association with everything in you. Would you follow around the boys again? It didn't seem likely. You wanted to give them space. Allow them to enjoy being kids while they still could. Would you end up doing your own thing? Find a passion completely separate from his that kept you away?

Or would you stay with him regardless?

More than anything he hoped the latter was true. That you two would continue to share this life together. And maybe it was selfish of him to think that way. To want you by his side to quell his own anxieties of losing you.

There was no denying you were strong. Managing to go head to head against Killua's brother even without your nen. But despite your physical prowess, an experienced nen user would always have an edge against you. One misstep and you'd be done. It should have pointed to him vying for you to get your nen back. So he wouldn't have to worry about you getting hurt.

Yet, the exact opposite was what he felt was best. You weren't a fighter. For as long as he's known you, you tried your best to avoid combat. And after everything that's happened, you’d never fight again. You deserved to live a normal life away from monsters and bloodshed. To stop looking over your shoulders in fear.

You were getting better. You seemed happier. Your crooked smile had never been as bright as it was now. If you got your nen back, he had a feeling it would all be gone. That you'd once again hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. 

But something was driving you desperately to regain your nen. Something he couldn't help but connect back to your earlier words. ‘I’d do anything for you.’ 

It wasn't like you were burdening him without your abilities. The kids certainly didn't mind you being normal. And none of your friends thought differently of you. So what was it? Why did it feel like you weren't doing this for yourself? Whatever it was, he just hoped you'd eventually tell him. He'd be able to help you better that way.

For now, he should be focusing on the present. You two were currently looking into getting a house. All odds pointing towards a future with both of you in it. A place to relax after traveling around for months. A home to go to instead of another hotel until the next expedition. 

Who knows, maybe you'd choose to stay there instead of following him around. He could almost see it. You lounging about, waking up at an ungodly hour now that you didn't have a deadline to meet. Carrying around comforters with you to nap where you pleased. Unawares he'd just gotten back after being gone for months. 

But that was the root of the issue wasn't it? Being away from you for so long. He couldn't imagine leaving you by yourself for a few months, let alone with a child.

Wait.

Child?

Immediately his face turned a bright red. Internally cursing himself out for thinking such a thing. Trying to ignore the way something stirred within him. The thought of you carrying around his child. Getting to create a family with you. 

Then again, hadn't you created one already? The kids you'd gone through hell and back for. His team who he'd looked after for years. Then there was the extermination team. Your friends. And Ging. Someone who he'd never be able to pay back for saving you. For giving you a reason to keep going when you thought you'd lost everything. 

They were family, yes…But what Kite had in mind felt a little more special. A life created by the two of you. A family stemming from the best parts of you and him. He mentally scolded himself for not even considering how you felt.

Would you want to have kids with him?

You'd talked about it maybe twice. And both times you'd agreed it was too soon. That both of you weren't ready yet. 

But you did want them, a part of himself immensely satisfied with the fact. And once again, Kite had to reprimand himself.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He cursed the beastly instincts inside him daily. Fighting with himself everytime the need to keep you away from other men would arise. Even though he knew you didn't have a specific preference for partners. 

The word possessive flashing through his mind.

Though territorial would have been a better descriptor.

Maybe that was why he couldn't stop himself from marking you every time you made love. A way to show that you were his and his only. Had he self-consciously bitten you yesterday because of that? A reminder to whoever saw you during the week?

Chimera Ants only had one purpose. To serve their queen and subsequent king. And even though his mind was human, his memories were human. His body was not. No matter what it looked like.

Thus the struggle to keep his new instincts at bay. The ones that wanted to cater to your every need. The ones that yearned to keep you in a safe place. To have you right next to him at all times. The ones that demanded he breed you.

As cliche and cheesy as it sounded, you were his queen.

His body refusing to accept you as anything less. His mind arguing with the extreme declaration.

What you were was his lover.

And if he got lucky enough one day, his wife.

‘Mate.’

‘His mate.’ the little voice in his head argued.

And there it went again. Fighting with himself over something so stupid. He hated these new instincts. He hated the way they prevented him from thinking with a clear head. It always seemed to get worse when you were about to leave. The panic of not having your scent around him. Of not being able to sleep without you.

Then it'd quiet down after a few days, only to come back upon seeing you again. And once his scent was back on you, it'd slink back down until the next three months when you'd have another appointment.

He wondered if any of the other ants went through this. Then again, he was the only one with a lover. They probably wouldn't be of any help. He was just thankful he never had a heat.

Now that would simply be too much. He'd die of embarrassment. He was ashamed of himself enough as it was without a heat.

The sound of your humming steadily reached his ears, effectively snapping him from his thoughts. Another one of the things that would be missing. He remembered you used to be embarrassed about singing in the shower. Always going eerily quiet when you'd hear him moving about in another room. Truthfully, he liked your voice. It had a certain calming effect that just fit with the old songs you chose. It helped with the nightmares. Both yours and his. 

He had to reassure you over and over again that he didn't mind. And while you got bolder over time, you no where near belting out lyrics the way you did when you thought he wasn't there. But like all things, you were getting there little by little.

Which reminded him, one of these days he had to take you out dancing. It was another coping method for you. Something else precious from your childhood that you liked to indulge in. That let you go back to the simplest of times. To two people who you remember treating you with kindness back then.

He knew it was the small gestures that stuck with you the most.

He glanced over to the small alarm clock and figured it was time for him to get up. No use stalling. He could hear you more clearly as he approached the bathroom. Hand hovering above the door knob before he entered. Immediately he was engulfed in a puff of steam. You always liked your showers scorching hot to make up for the cold ones you endured as a kid. 

Inversely, Kite always liked his cold.

It didn't mean he would turn a hot one down to be with you. You'd showered together frequently enough that he'd bear the heat if you bore the cold. It was most definitely a first for him during the beginning of your relationship. He was embarrassed to see your most intimate parts in a setting that was almost domestic. Being completely vulnerable and viewing your body in a way that wasn't sensual. Just you. Just Him.

It was a different intimacy from the one you shared in the bedroom. Softer. He loved you and everything you were, and you loved him. 

He spotted the pile of clothes on the floor and picked up your shirt. It would get him by the five days you were gone. Kite never could sleep properly without you. Your scent. And he knew it was the exact same for you.

“Hey! Make sure to give me your hat before we leave,” you called out from over the curtain.

You didn't have to ask for him to already have it out for you. You always took either his old blue one or his dark red when you left. This time, it'd be the red one. 

“I swear, sometimes you love snuggling that thing more than me.” He teased. 

“If you get to keep my shirt, I get to keep your hat. Besides, it smells the most like you anyways.” 

He'd been told his old hat had comforted you during the ant incident. Or rather, his scent still on it. It made sense why that was the thing you chose to take with you. He couldn't help but find it endearing.

“You almost done in there?” He asked.

“Just about.” You responded before peaking your head out of the side of the shower curtain.

“Unless you wanted to join me?” You gave a playful waggle of your eyebrows, offering up more space next to you.

Always a tease. Kite shook his head in amusement before responding. 

“Sure. As long as you lower the temperature a bit. I'd rather not explain why I have third degree burns to my team.”

“Coward.” Nevertheless, you reduced the heat. 

Kite's clothes soon joined yours on the floor. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and froze. It'd taken him a long time to get used to his reflection. To accept this was really him now. Although the changes had been minor, they'd been a lot to take in. 

He didn't carry any of the scars his past body had. Only the memories of where the marks should've been. The agility that came with his lean build had been replaced with an awkward clumsiness due to the increase in muscle. His height was monstrous, and the addition of a rat tail didn't help. More often than not, he found himself tucking it away from sight. His hair might've been the only thing he didn't mind as much as the others. It didn't reach the back of his knees as it once did, but it was still decently long. The color he didn't care much for. Although, half the time he still expected to see silver instead of red.

The only thing that had stayed the same were his eyes.

Wondering what was taking your partner so long, you once again peaked out. Noticing the blanked out expression on his face as he stared at his reflection. Kite, as calm and collected as he was, still had his moments where the weight of what happened hit him. This was one of those moments.

Where the differences bordered on insecurities. 

So you did the only thing you thought would help. Distract him from whatever was plaguing his mind. Soothe the doubts.

“Hey handsome. Might wanna join me before I get all pruny.” You called out.

Kite jumped at the sound of your voice. Turning to you before his eyes softened. They always did when he was looking at you.

“You've still got some suds in your hair love.” He pointed out.

You jumped back in the shower with an offended gasp. Listening to the small laugh Kite gave as he finally made his way over.

“I do not! You're just trying to gaslight me!”

The curtain pulled back for a brief moment. You could feel Kite behind you before it closed once more. 

“Did Killua teach you that one?” He asked. Cupping his hands under the stream and pouring the water on your head. 

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.” You crossed your arms, but there was no protest to his actions.

So he continued washing away the suds on your scalp. Angling your head back against him.

“Hold still for a second.” He instructed.

You leaned your full weight on him as a show of your trust. Your limpness an indicator that you were comfortable with whatever was happening around you. He ran his fingers through your hair a few times to make sure there was no more soap.

“There. All rinsed off.” 

He made sure to steal a kiss from you before he righted you up. You returned it and ushered him to switch places. The water hitting him directly now. 

“Your turn. Let me get all of you.”

You started off with his body first, lathering enough of the soap to get started. If he ever expected your hands to feel silky soft, he would've been dead wrong. They were probably more calloused than his. Never knowing a day of rest until you were 17. But it wasn't the texture of your hands that put him at ease. It was the gentleness in which you touched him. 

Taking away any knots in his shoulders and lightly scrubbing him down. Had he gotten up sooner, your body would have received the same treatment. He took over when you got lower, not wanting to turn a moment of domesticity into something steamy. 

When he was rinsed off, you moved to his hair. If he had it his way, he'd let you wash it everyday. You probably took better care of it than he did. Massaging in shampoo and conditioner without getting any tangles. Your fingers combing through in a way that almost had him purring. Moving his head down so you could reach properly. He felt completely at bliss. One of your ways of showing your love even without saying it.

Your morning had started off slower than you would've liked, but you couldn't say you regretted spending a few minutes more with your lover. You both got dressed quickly. Only forty minutes left before your flight. After double checking your suitcase one more time, you snagged Kite's red hat and made your way towards the door. 

But he had other plans for your usual routine. Hand placed on yours a top the door knob, effectively stopping your movements.

“Let me at least take you to the airport? I wanna see you off.” Something pleading in his tone.

He never seemed to have the right opportunity to go with you to your appointment. Always too busy with work. It should've come as no shock. Being a pro hunter meant you'd always be on the move. Never time to stop in one place for very long.  Already moving onto the next project by the time you returned. It was exhausting, but he loved his job. 

However, he found he loved you even more. If it weren't for your insistence that he stay, he would've booked a flight with you in a heartbeat. So if he couldn't come with you, he at least wanted to spend what time he could together. Just knowing you'd made it to your flight would be enough.

“I don't want you to be late.” You responded. The last thing you wanted for Kite to ditch his job for you. You weren't nearly as important.

But he had this habit of always knowing what to say to reassure you. 

“I won't. I promise I won't be late to the meeting point. And even if I was, it'd be worth it.”

—--------------------

Surprisingly, you made it with 15 minutes to spare. It gave enough time for both of you to eat something light for breakfast while you waited. A pair of blueberry muffins (because it was never too early for something sweet according to you) and coffee. Yours iced and his hot. You'd scrunched up your face as he took a sip of his.

“I still can't believe you like your coffee black. Your taste buds must be dead.”

He playfully nudged your shoulder at your comment.

“I still can't believe you like coffee. If it weren't for all the sweeteners you wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.” 

“I like to have some flavor in my life thank you. Besides, cold coffee taste stronger than hot. I get a little more of a kick from it. One of these days I'll convert you.” You gave a fake glare before crossing your arms.

“Sugar isn't really flavor, hun. And I doubt the temperature makes much of a difference.”

“I wholeheartedly disagree. You just don't like to have fun.”

Fun, huh? Not too long ago you rarely messed around. Now you were joking and laughing so freely, it was like you were a different person. Your guarded exterior no longer there. It felt lifetimes away from who'd you become.

“You're starting to sound like Ging.” Kite teased.

You'd stuck out your tongue in response. Unawares to your partner leaning over and taking a sip from your drink. Looking down and catching him in the act right as he pulled away. 

“You know, I think you might be onto something. It's not so bad.”

You gave an offended gasp and pulled the cup close to you. Your feigned glare becoming just a little more real.

“You’re lucky you’re pretty.” You grumbled. And as always, your banter was returned.

“I knew you were only with me for my good looks.”

“Sure. Totally not because of your kind heart. I mean, you're wearing the little friendship bracelet Gon gave you. That's totally not attractive to me.”

All at once his face flushed. You liked that he was attentive to the kids? Of course you did. They were practically your own. Still, it'd been unexpected to hear.

“Good to know,” he stammered out.

Your mind couldn't help but circle back to what he said about his appearance. Comparing it to the way he seemed to examine himself in the early morning. He looked like he had been dissociating. Spacing out at the man staring back at him with something that bordered on distaste.

“Do you ever miss your old body?” You asked. Your tone now serious.

Kite mulled over the question for a while before answering.

“Sometimes. I miss having more coordination in my body. I miss not having a stupid tail to worry about. I certainly miss not being labeled as a protected species…But I'm coming to terms with it. It's getting easier to deal with all these new instincts. Progress is progress. Why?” 

You realized that wasn't exactly what you meant to ask. But it should've been a no brainer he preferred his human body over this. 

“Sorry. I should've phrased that better. I mean, obviously you miss your old body. Who'd wanna be forced to be a chimera ant. I just meant, do you miss how you used to look?”

At that he quirked a brow. You sounded ashamed. Of what, he couldn't quite tell. Did he make it seem like he blamed you for his grievances? He was beyond grateful you'd brought him back. But why now were you asking these questions? Were you having second thoughts?

“I don't hate it. It's just surreal to see somebody else where my old reflection used to be. Sometimes I can't help but compare what's the same and what's different. I'm still recognizable with the changes, so they're not all that bad.”

His next question had caught you off guard.

“Do you miss the way I used to look?” 

You stuttered your way through a response, not really knowing how to answer.

“No! I mean, not that I didn't like the way you look! But I don't mind you now. That's not to say I don't prefer the old you! I just-!” You were cut off by the sound of Kite's laughter. Your face burning impossibly hot.

“It's fine. I can always dye my hair back silver if it’s too much for you.”

You lightly slapped his arm.

“You ass… Don't you know I'd choose you no matter what?” You'd finally gotten the right words out. And just in time too.

“Now boarding Flight 87!”

You got up and turned to Kite.

“I'll see you in five days.”

He pulled you close in a tight embrace. Your arms wrapped around him in response.

“Stay safe. Call me when you get there, okay?” He reminded.

“Always. You be careful too. Let me know if something happens.”

He bumped his head lovingly against yours.

“Always.” and sealed the promise with a kiss. Pressing his lips softly to yours until you both ran out of air.

----------------------------

An: We are so back ✨💅

[serialunaliver]

yo hey hi i like hearing ur thoughts, they’re an interesting perspective. anyways i’m coming to u today because i genuinely have no idea who else to ask 😭😭😭 no need to reply either, i’ll work it out eventually but you seem more experienced and maybe you might know something about this?? anyways for a whole decade or so i thought (the symptoms of) psychosis were a normal thing that everyone experienced, and then i was a bit too honest with my mother and found out that no, it wasn’t, apparently? she wants me to talk to a psychiatrist and try to see if i can get on meds for that, but i’m not sure i should. like, generally i guess it interrupts my life, but it’s not THAT big of a deal to me?? like the memory issues that come with it really suck and does tend to affect a lot of my life, and it sucks not really being able to trust the memories i do have, but the other stuff i think i can handle just fine. like the hallucinations usually only affect me for a little and then i can focus (although sometimes they appear while driving which is frightening, but still, it’s brief and i doubt i’d crash). anyways i’m troubled about this because i hear that antipsychotic medication tends to have especially negative side effects. like i’m willing to take them if they can definitely fix my memory problems but it sounds like it’s just not worth it?? especially weighing the pros and cons, im just not sure i should do it. idk,, what do you think? or is there a third option here. maybe i should just look into a lobotomy

i'm not sure exactly what all your symptoms are but there are different psychotic disorders and some can be more manageable than others depending on the severity of the psychosis. mine is based more in a 'delusional' thought process. therapists believe I hallucinate but I think it's just a combination of dissociation and hyperphantasia (vivid mental imagery).

driving is an issue for some psychotic people because of distracting hallucinations and it can still be dangerous so you should probably talk to a doctor and see what your options are.

knowing beforehand that side effects of antipsychotics can be negative helps because you can ease into things but I want to clarify that most people on antipsychotics do not end up with the level of neurological damage I have. this was a result of being severely overmedicated on them as a minor and it would not have happened if I had autonomy in treatment and knew what to expect. there are plenty of people who stay on *normal* doses of antipsychotics and are fine with it. it really depends on whether you have a better quality of life on or off them. i'm lucky that my family can support me but they still would prefer I be on antipsychotics.

good luck and don't be afraid to advocate for yourself <3

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

The Demigod On Earth - Steve Rogers x Reader (Things that go bump in the night)

A/N: Happy Halloween! Hope you have a wonderfully spooky night!

Summary: When a test comes back negative you begin to worry that the snap had long-lasting effects on your body

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Fluff! Angst! Talk of infertility! Talk of struggles to fall pregnant! SMUT! 18+ ONLY! MINORS DNI!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Things that go bump in the night

You let out a shaky breath as you put the test down on the counter. Glancing over at Steve you could see he had a similar nervous energy about him. The both of you had woken up early for this, wanting to find out before taking JJ to school. It was the first pregnancy test you were taking after agreeing to try.

“Nervous?” Steve asked from where he was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed.

“Little” you admit “not as much as last time though” you chuckle.

 When you found out you were pregnant with JJ you had been on the run, there were so many unknown variables and it just generally wasn’t a great time. This time it was a great time, you had steady jobs, a good routine and no world-ending disasters around the corner.

Steve chuckles nodding his head as he opens his arms out towards you, you instantly moving into his embrace, relaxing into his touch as he wraps his arms around you and presses a kiss to the top of your head “Yeah, I’m more excited than anything, the thought of JJ having a little brother or sister in possibly less than a year is exciting” steve grins as he runs his hand up and down your back. 

A buzzing of your phone interrupts you and makes your nervous energy double. You could barely contain a smile as you looked up to Steve to ask if he was ready. He simply responded with a smile, nodding his head as he cupped your cheek and softly kissed your lips. 

You step towards where you left the test on the counter, Steve moving to stand behind you his hands resting on your arms. You took a deep breath unable to hold back your smile as you picked the test back up and turned it over.

All the excited energy you had instantly vanished, your shoulders dropping as you saw the small negative symbol “Oh” you mutter. 

Steve lets out a long sigh as he squeezes your arms, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of your head “It’s okay, there’s always next month” he says softly. 

You take another shaky breath as you nod your head “Yeah” you say your voice weak. 

“You okay?” he hums wrapping his arms around you. 

“Yeah, just a little disappointed” you mutter, it wasn’t strictly a lie but you were more than a little disappointed. 

You had thought it would be a given that it would be positive. You hadn’t even been trying for JJ and that happened and you were on birth control then. Albeit you hadn’t been great at taking it, but there was more working against you then and you still got pregnant. So you felt safe to assume it would be the same this time. 

“I know but it doesn’t mean it won’t, maybe we got our timings wrong or it's too early to tell still” Steve reasons as he presses soothing kisses to your shoulder. 

“Yeah that’s true” You sigh putting the test back down and turning in his arms to face him, burying your head in his chest “I…I just was really hoping it was”

“Me too, but let’s look at the positives here,” Steve says making you look up at him with a brow arched, you couldn’t think of any positives at the moment “JJ has a sleepover with Morgan this weekend, so it will be just you and me and we can try as many times as you want” Steve smirks “you’ll be pregnant by Halloween for sure”

You couldn’t help but snort with laughter shaking your head at him “Thank you Steve” you smile reaching up onto your tip toes to kiss him. 

“It’s alright, do you want me to take JJ to school?” Steve offers making you smile softly at him.

“No I’m good, kinda wanna be with my baby” you admit. 

Steve nods pressing a kiss to your forehead “alright, I’ll go get breakfast sorted while you go wake him” 

A couple weeks later Steve was arriving home after picking JJ up from school, JJ talking the entire way home about his day and what he’d done. He was still talking when Steve pulled up on the driveway surprised to see your car on the drive. He thought you were supposed to be at the university until 6 p.m. today.

“Mommy’s home?” JJ asked when Steve helped him out of the car.

“Uh yeah I guess so” Steve mutters his brows furrowed in concern “She might still be working though so we can’t be too loud okay?” 

JJ nods his head taking Steve’s hand “Okay I’ll tell her about my day at dinner” JJ says happily as they walk from the car to the front door.

“Sounds like a good plan bean” Steve agrees as he opens the door and lets them inside, Scout instantly runs down the stairs to greet them which makes Steve frown even more since the home office is downstairs “Hey Bean why don’t you go put your bag in the kitchen and take Scout outside” Steve suggests.

“Okay!” JJ grins speedwalking his way towards the kitchen making a smile curl at Steve’s lips at his son’s attempt to not break the rules.

Once JJ was gone Steve quickly made his way upstairs as calmly as he could. Something wasn’t right and the last thing Steve wanted was JJ picking up on that.

The upstairs was almost silent, so silent that for a second Steve wondered if you even were home. But when he entered the master bedroom he then heard the faintest of sniffles.

“Sweetheart?” Steve carefully called out.

“Hey, I’ll be out in uh-  in a minute” you called out with another small sniffle from behind the bathroom door.

“What’s wrong,” Steve asked approaching the closed door.

“Nothing I uh- it’s nothing” you reply before quickly opening the door and forcing a smile, but Steve could see you had clearly been crying.

“Hey” Steve says gently stepping forward to wrap his arms around you “What’s wrong?”

You buried your head in his chest “It’s stupid” you mutter, your voice muffled.

“Nothing is stupid if it’s made you upset” Steve reasons rubbing your back soothingly.

He felt you take a deep breath before stepping back enough so you could look up at him “I’ve been taking more pregnancy tests and they’re still negative” you admit.

“Ah” Steve sighs glancing over your shoulder to see all the pregnancy tests you’d taken “Hey that’s okay we have next month remember” Steve reassures you.

“I know, I just god it’s so stupid to feel like this considering it’s our first go” you mutter your hand shaking as you wipe away a few stray tears.

“It’s not stupid, it’s okay to feel disappointed” Steve says cupping your cheeks and wiping away your tears for you.

“It’s just… we got pregnant with JJ without even trying and I guess I just assumed that it would happen just as easily again” you sigh shaking your head “And when I saw it was negative my mind just went into overdrive thinking something could be wrong”

Steve’s brows furrow in concern “Do you think there is? Like do you have a gut feeling?” He asks trying not to sound too worried considering your gut instincts were rarely wrong.

“I- I don’t know, maybe? What if coming back from the snap did something and I can’t get pregnant again?” You explain dropping your shoulders.

“Then we’ll deal with it, but right now that’s just a maybe and we can talk to Dr Achebe about it, if anyone’s gonna know the answer to that it’ll be her” Steve reassures you pressing a kiss to the top of your head “and whatever the outcome I don’t want you to blame yourself okay?”

“But-“ you go to argue but Steve shuts you down.

“This isn’t your fault, none of it is, we can get help, we can keep trying and we can look into the other options if we need to but just remember we’ve only just started trying and it’s most likely going to take a couple goes at least” Stece reassures you.

You take another deep breath sniffling back your tears before nodding “Okay… thank you Steve” you sigh stepping back into his embrace “Can we still talk to Dr Achebe though?”

“Of course whatever puts your mind at ease” Steve promises kissing the top of your head “Now JJ and Scout are keeping each other entertained in the backyard so whatever you need I’m here”

“Can you just hold me?” You whisper.

“You never have to ask me that Princess” Steve murmurs as he holds you tight.

A few days later you were sat on the couch trying to calm your nerves and remind yourself that everything was probably fine and this was only a precaution. That was a little difficult though considering Dr Achebe was flying all the way from Wakanda to meet with you. That little voice in your head telling you that she wouldn’t do that if she had zero concerns. 

Your leg was beginning to nervously bounce and you wished Steve was here to calm your nerves, but he’d left to go pick Dr Achebe up from the airport leaving you all alone with your thoughts. You did have Scout though and the pup was doing his best to calm you, jumping up onto the couch and resting his head on your lap.

Soon enough you heard the door opening and Steve walking in with Dr Achebe and you weren’t sure if that made you feel relieved or ten times worse. The conversation between the two of them seemed jovial and when they walked into the living room and you saw the proud smile on his face you knew he was telling her about JJ. 

You stood up from the couch, wiping your hands on your jeans before walking over to shake Dr Achebe’s hand “Hi, thank you so much for coming out, you really didn’t need to come all this way” you say.

Dr Achebe gives you a kind smile “It’s my pleasure, I needed this to do an examination” she says holding up a small Wakandan device “And I thought if I needed to send this, I may as well come too” she explains “gives me an opportunity to visit New York too, I have tickets to Rogers: The Musical” she continues earning a small groan from Steve “shall we get started?”

“Oh uh yes sure why not” you say swallowing nervously as you gesture for her to join you on the couch. 

Much to your relief Steve sat beside you, his hand resting on the small of your back to comfort you “We understand that we’ve only been trying for a very short period of time but considering…” he said having to clear his throat before continuing “considering what happened to Y/N during the snap we just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any long term effects that could be working against us”

Dr Achebe nods her head “I understand, trying for a child is a very exciting and nerve-wracking time and when it doesn’t happen quickly it can make people question everything” she explains “I have done some reading into whether the snap has had any effect on fertility and while there have been a couple of cases reported there unfortunately hasn’t been enough research into it to say for certain and it may not have an answer for many years”

You swallow nervously, your fingers fidgeting in your lap “Right… so there is a chance that something has gone wrong” you say your voice wobbling. 

“A chance yes, but considering your physiology as half god I do believe it is a very very slim chance however to put your mind at ease we can do a quick scan just to confirm there is nothing of concern” Dr Achebe says holding up the small device “I just need you to lay down as you are so I can scan your stomach”

You give her a shallow nod and shift to lie down, Steve moving out of the way but staying close enough so he can hold your hand. You watch Dr Achebe perform the scan, using a device similar to what you saw Shuri use on Vision back in Wakanda all those years ago. Once she sat down she held the device up to display the results of the scan. 

Sitting back up you watched with baited breaths as she looked over the results. You tried to read her facial expressions, wondering whether the furrow of her brows was from concentration or concern. 

“I can see absolutely nothing of concern here, you are perfectly healthy and I can see no reason why you would not be able to naturally conceive a child” Dr Achebe says allowing you to breathe a deep sigh of relief. 

“Oh thank gods” you mutter “Thank you so much Doctor” 

“It’s nothing, I am more than happy to help, now going forward just relax and try not to worry about this too much, a million and one things need to go right for conception to occur, there are things you can do along the way to help like checking when you are ovulating, if I was to guess what’s preventing you at the moment it would be the timings just weren’t correct or hormone levels aren’t in the right place after coming off contraception” Dr Achebe explains as she puts away her device “now if you are still having problems after a year then I would suggest visiting the doctors but for now just relax and enjoy yourselves” she says with a small wink at the end. 

“Thank you that’s a great relief for us” Steve says resting his hand on your shoulder. 

“Of course, now when you do fall pregnant I must suggest this doctor” Dr Achebe says passing you a small business card “She was part of my team back in Wakanda before deciding to see the world and eventually settling here” 

“Oh wow that’s amazing thank you so much” you say looking down at the card “it’s reassuring to know we’ll have someone of high calibre looking after us”

“yes, now I do not wish to take up too much of your time, and I have sightseeing to go do” Dr Achebe smiles.

“I can drop you to wherever you’d like to go” Steve says standing up from the couch.

“Just the nearest subway station will do, I want to get the true New York experience” she grins “I’ll wait by the car”

“Thank you again, and enjoy your visit, if you need any recommendations just let us know” you smile. 

“I will thank you” she says before making her way out leaving you and Steve alone. 

Steve smiles over at you gently, taking your hands and pulling you into a warm hug “I told you there was nothing to worry about” he says kissing the top of your head. 

“I know but it was good to hear it from her,” you say.

“I know, I’ll be back soon and when I get back…” he says drifting off before leaning down to whisper in your ear “I expect you ready in bed for me”

You tried to fight the grin that was threatening to break out on your face “Yes Captain” you smirk. 

By Halloween spirits had lifted as you and Steve were hosting the annual Halloween party. You had sent invites to everyone but understandably many of those who lived in a different state, country or planet were unable to make the journey. 

Neither of you minded though as you still had a good turnout with Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Bucky, Sam, Tanya, her husband and Timmy, Peter, his friends and Aunt. You both had also invited a few work colleagues, all of whom were pretty starstruck by all the superheroes.

You and Steve had dressed up as Marty McFly and Jennifer from Back to the Future. Part of you thought it was a shame Steve didn’t get to live in the 80s as he looked pretty good in his costume, but you were grateful he ended up living here with you. JJ had picked out his own costume, but Scout was in with you and Steve after you found a lab coat that fits dogs to make him Doc.

You were just refilling some snacks when you heard the doorbell go. Making your way over you smiled when you saw Peter and his friends on the other side of the door.

“Hey guys c’mon in” you smile stepping aside to let them in “I love the costumes” you add nodding to Ned’s Cowboy costume and Peter’s Mad Scientist costume “What are you MJ?” You ask not recognising her costume.

“The Black Dahlia” she answers simply.

“Ah… okay… maybe don’t explain who that is to JJ if he asks,” You ask her biting your lip.

“Yeah sure, no probs” she nods before making her way into the party.

As Peter and Ned went to follow but you put a hand on Peter’s shoulder “Hey Pete I just wanted to check you were doing okay with the whole identity reveal thing?” You ask him gently.

Peter lets out a long sigh nodding his head “It’s getting better but it’s still strange going from being a nobody to everyone wanting your attention” he explains.

“Well you only have to worry about JJ tonight, he was adamant that he wanted to dress as Spiderman” you say making Peter chuckle bashfully “And if you ever need to get away you’re more than welcome here” 

“Thanks Y/N that means a lot” Peter smiles gently.

“It’s nothing, now go have fun” you smile.

Walking back into the party you quickly found Steve hanging out and laughing with Bucky and Sam, the former holding JJ up off the ground with his metal arm making JJ giggle hysterically. You slid into Steve’s side, wrapping your arm around his waist. He in turn grins down at you warmly before leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. A move that makes Bucky and Sam shout ‘Ew’ like little kids, getting JJ to join in too.

Unlike the old Tony Stark-hosted parties, this one was much calmer. Mostly because many of those in attendance were much older now and hangovers were different now, but also because when the kids went to bed the party naturally began to wind down.

It was still gone midnight when the party did come to an end and everyone made their way home. There wasn’t much mess to tidy up thankfully, Steve handled the kitchen while you focused on the living room. 

While you tidied up you suddenly remembered something you needed to do before the weekend ended so you made your way into the home office. Once you were in there to make a note of what you needed to do you found yourself getting a few other things sorted which is when Steve found you.

“Hey I was wondering where you’d gotten to” Steve says as he walks in, putting his hands on your waist and kissing your shoulder.

“Sorry just got a bit distracted” you apologise turning around to face him.

“It’s alright, everything is all tidied up so you and I can head upstairs and have some fun if you’re not too tired,” he says with a lopsided grin, stepping closer.

A grin grows on your face “Why bother going upstairs when we can have some fun right here?” You smirk running your hands down his chest until you found and cupped his bulge.

“And that’s why you’re the college professor” Steve chuckles before ducking down to capture your lips with a hungry kiss.

You instantly respond gripping his jacket to pull him closer before making progress unbuckling his jeans and pushing them down. One thing you certainly hadn’t been struggling with while trying for your second child was the sex drive, Steve was always eager to get you alone and you were never far behind meaning very little needed to be done to get either of you going. So much so that by the time Steve has removed your own jeans you were already soaked and ready for him.

He lifted you up to perch on the edge of the desk, your legs wrapped around his waist as he slowly pushed into you. You let out a breathy moan as he filled you up completely, even after all these years you never got used to this sensation and you wished you never would. You gripped onto his shoulders and willed him to move, biting your lip to hold back a moan when he thrust deeply into you.

As he moved he pressed kisses to any bit of exposed skin he could get to and it wasn’t long until you felt the familiar sensation of your orgasm creeping up on you. 

“Steve- I’m- I’m close” you gasp throwing your head back.

“I’m right behind you” Steve groans, his hand slipping between your bodies to find your clit, it was the touch you needed to push you over the edge.

Steve followed soon after, painting the walls with his spend. While you knew that they were nothing to worry about if this time wasn’t it, but you did really hope it was.

The two of you were still recovering from your highs when you heard the sound of small footsteps. The sound instantly sobered you up and patted Steve’s shoulder. He looked confused but when JJ called out his eyes widened and he got moving.

“Mommy!?” JJ called out again as you pulled your jeans back on and quickly fixed your hair.

Leaving Steve to sort himself out you made your way out of the home office to intercept JJ before he got too far. Thankfully JJ was still at the far end of the corridor by the bottom of the stairs holding his teddy in one hand.

“Hey Bean, what are you doing up?” You ask walking over and bending down to be at eye level with him.

His brows were furrowed and he pouted slightly as he explained “I think there’s a monster under my bed” JJ said nervously, clutching his teddy close to his chest.

“Oh? Why’s that sweetie?” You ask tilting your head, hoping it wasn’t a nightmare following tonight’s Halloween party.

“I can hear banging under it” JJ explains as you rub his arm soothingly.

“Oh?” You ask before glancing up and then back towards where Steve stood near the doorway to the home office realising you were right underneath JJ’s bedroom “oh” 

Steve must have come to the same realisation as his eyes widened slightly and his cheeks turned pink and you knew it wasn’t from what you’d just done.

“Right well um let’s head back upstairs and I’ll deal with the monster under the bed okay?” You say taking JJ’s hand and leading him back upstairs.

As you reached his bedroom he was visibly hesitant to approach his bed but you reassured him that it was fine.

“C’mere and I’ll get rid of the monster for you,” you say and you get down onto your hands and knees, JJ got a bit close but stood behind you “Bed monsters hate the cold so I’m gonna use my special powers and make it so cold that he’ll leave,” you tell JJ.

“Oo-kay” JJ muttered nervously “he won’t run out at me will he?”

“No, he won’t I promise now stay there while I make it super cold” you say bending down so you could send a flurry of snowflakes under JJ’s bed.

“Whoa” JJ muttered in amazement as he watched.

“That should be cold enough,” you say as you look under the bed “See all gone, perfectly safe to go back to bed”

JJ hesitantly crept forward and got down to look under the bed with you, breathing out a deep sigh of relief when he saw it was all clear “Thank you Mommy” 

“It’s okay sweetheart now let's get you back to bed” you say kissing the top of his head.

JJ nods climbing back into bed, you smile softly as you tucked him in and perched on the side of the bed “Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?” You ask quietly.

JJ nods tiredly as he makes himself more comfortable, his eyelid already drooping. You smile softly as you gently brush some hair off his face. Even though it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep you stayed for longer just to savour the moments, knowing all too well how easy it was for the universe to take them away from you.

Eventually, you carefully crept back out of his room, the lights were all off downstairs so you made your way into your bedroom finding Steve reclined on the bed.

“How is he?” He asks sitting up.

“Fine, he’s not traumatised or scarred for life so don’t worry,” you say with a lopsided grin as you start getting ready for bed.

Steve let out a small groan which became a small chuckle as he ran his hands down his face “god at least being mistaken for a monster under the bed isn’t too bad” he chuckles.

“No it’s not, and at least we heard him before he saw anything,” you say climbing into bed and snuggling up to Steve.

“Yes, and we weren’t interrupted because I am not brave enough to suggest we carry it on now” Steve says making you snort with laughter.

“Yeah let's save it for when he’s at school” you laugh.

Sharing is caring so please reblog if you enjoyed this and maybe even leave a comment to make my day!

I have no schedule, please don’t ask when I will be updating!

Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a tag list so follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications for updates!

[hatsunevitu]

i, personally, am not really into stan getting into kyman’s way and trying to stop them from dating, but it seems to be one of the most popular trope for stan in kyman fics. and although i can see the appeal, i prefer another option.

please think about stan who’s actually helping kyman to get together.

so cartman has a big and (as he thinks) unrequited crush on kyle, and he decides that the fastest and most effective way to win kyle’s heart is to get stan’s support since stan and kyle are the best friends. and if you have stan by your side, you can say that half of work here is done.

and as a professional manipulator cartman convinces stan into helping him – he plays the “i’m on my meds & went through therapy” card, he says that stan is the one who gotta understand how broken heart and unmutual feeling hurt, that it’s almost their prom and cartman doesn’t have enough time to hit on kyle properly – and who knows, maybe they won’t even be in touch after kyle enters the university, so cartman has only one chance. he swears on his life he’s never gonna hurt kyle, and he flatters stan by saying he always hated him the least out of all the boys.

and stan as a hopeless romantic and sucker for stories with unmutual crushes finally gives in agreeing to help cartman. bonus if wendy is totally into this idea because a) it’d be amusing to watch them having their drama; b) she supports gay rights and wrongs; c) she think that kyle would be like a good influence for cartman and could “fix him” (my girl has never been so wrong in her entire life)

so they all start a whole new project for making kyle consider cartman as a proper romantic partner.

cartman: Okay. You have to invite him to the cinema BUT you will dump him at the very last minute so he’ll have to go there with me. What movie should we choose?

stan: Uhhh… There’s a new DC movie?

cartman: DUDE! Even I know he’s more of a Marvel fan.

stan: Well, I’m- I’m not supposed to memorize his preferences by heart, you know!

cartman: You’re his best friend?????

btw stanman and candy bonding over there :333

so wendy and stan help him to plan the whole dates, but the minor problem is that they have veeery different understanding of the romance.

wendy: The best way to win his heart and make some obvious hints is to take him out for a romantic dinner in the restaurant!

stan: No way, Kyle’ll hate that! Take him for a basketball game, he loves basketball.

cartman: …Can’t I just invite him to watch “The passion”?

wendy&stan, indignantly: CARTMAN!

cartman: What? It’s symbolic!

so they end up convincing him that kyle is never gonna like cartman if he doesn’t hide his true self, so he has to pretend a lot. he hates this idea, but eventually agrees and starts faking his behaviour being all nice, polite and kind-hearted, but every time their dates become a mess. and kyle seems to react veeery negatively, because even though he thought he wanted cartman to change, and he’s supposed to be happy that cartman is finally acting like a decent normal person – deep down he can’t get rid of this vague feeling that something is wrong, that he’s faking. and it irritates him so much he gets more and more angry and yells at cartman almost every time, even though there are no visible reasons for that.

and one day cartman just freaks out because he’s tired of faking, and if kyle doesn’t like the real cartman, than fuck him. and he finally asks him out the way he truly wanted – with mean jokes, rude behaviour, they just go to kfc and then sit at home watching dumb horror movies in cartman’s bedroom. and that was the first time they kissed – the first time in a long time when kyle saw cartman’s real self. and oh boy did he missed it.

[quietsamurai98]

In Stars And Time spoilers below the Read More!

You know, with Wish Craft being a thing in the world of In Stars And Time, I'm kind of surprised that there isn't a big taboo around the concept of wishing in general.

There have been six wishes that have been granted, as far as I'm aware:

The King's wish. He claims to have wished "for power [...] The power to Craft [him]self as a deity, the power to freeze time!"

The cloning wish from the old book.

The wish that resulted in Siffrin's Homeland being forgotten.

The collective, unguided wishes to save Vauguard.

Siffrin's wish to stay with his friends.

Loop's wish for someone to help them.

Of these six wishes, only one (the cloning wish) was granted without catastrophic effects, and that's the one we know the least about the aftermath of.

The King's wish was inherently catastrophic, so it seems like he got what he wished for if we believe what he says. I'm still not entirely convinced, though... I think he may have wished for a way to preserve Vauguard, got his time freezing powers as a result, and decided that welp, this must be the will of the Universe!

The cloning wish from the book... We don't know the direct aftermath of that wish, only that it seems to have worked.

The wish that resulted in Siffrin's Homeland being forgotten was catastrophic, but we don't know what was actually wished for. Maybe the wisher intended for the island to be forgotten. Maybe it was more of a monkey's paw situation. It's unclear.

The collective, unguided wishes to save Vauguard resulted in the time loops, which didn't really affect the wishers, and the world almost ending, which definitely would have affected the wishers.

Siffrin's wish to stay with his friends backfired spectacularly, trapping them in a timeloop that drove him to the brink of insanity and and caused them to hurt all his friends in their final loop, while almost destroying the world in the process.

Loop's wish for someone to help them resulted in them being shunted into a different Siffrin's timeloop so they could help an alternate version of themself.

Add to that the possibility that colors were wished away, that'd be six out of seven wishes that had a negative effect. At least two of those wishes (Siffrin's and Loop's) had a monkey's paw type effect, where they were granted in a way that went against the wisher's actual desires, and one of those wishes (Siffrin's) was made accidentally — he wished to spend more time with one friend in particular, with the desire to stay with all their friends in the back of his mind.

So yeah... I'm surprised that wishing isn't taboo in the culture of the game, or at least in Siffrin's culture since they seem to be the only ones to know about Wish Craft. And while Siffrin may not remember specifics about their culture, I think he would get the gut feeling of a taboo if they have the gut intuition on how to make a wish with a proper ritual.

EDIT: @faislittlewhiteraven brought up Siffrin's "please be sharp" ritual, which I feel very dumb for forgetting about! So yeah, those are some examples of minor wishes being granted in a non-catastrophic way!

[dreamcubed]

she’s my collar | tom riddle x reader

song; she's my collar [gorillaz, kali uchis] pairing; tom riddle x fem!slytherin!reader genre; angst, hurt comfort(ish), soulmates, s2l word count; 6,8k timeline; riddle's last years at hogwarts warnings; swearing, minor character deaths, minor character murders, discrimination (muggle-borns), talk of hate crimes (muggle-borns), mentions of physical pain, injuries (involving blood), implied depression, implied manipulative relationship summary; most people were destined to never find the person who was born with a matching tattoo to theirs - you weren't one of those people, but you were forced to endure your soulmate creating horcruxes and the effect it had on your soul

masterlist

fyi i do mix up the order that tom makes the horcruxes a bit :)

"she's the serpentine, she's my collar."

——————————————

In a wizarding world with soulmates, but no guarantee that you would ever find yours, you - like many others - resorted to hopeful dreams of the perfect match. Your parents didn't inflate your hopes, and kept you grounded, as they themselves weren't soulmates, like so many other lifelong couples. Nonetheless, like little muggle kids dream of being royalty and heroes, wizard and witch kids dream of finding their ultimate love.

It was estimated that less than five percent of wizards and witches found their soulmate, which was a huge reason behind parents not fuelling their children's imagination. The whole concept might as well not exist if you weren't destined to find your partner - at least that's what you thought frequently.

Nonetheless, some hope remained burning within you even after your infancy ended, and resided in the back of your mind as you started Hogwarts. Often at night you found yourself tracing the snake tattoo curled around your left forearm: it was significantly larger than your friends' soulmate tattoos. Most inked marks were small, no larger than a galleon coin, and yours in comparison was massive.

Your friends often speculated that it was a sign of you being more likely to meet your soulmate than the rest of them, but you had always had a feeling it was something much more sinister, but you didn't know why - so you brushed it off as simply your pessimistic mindset. A signature trait of yours was only seeing the bad in things.

Perhaps you got that from your parents, who had reacted so negatively to your tattoo that they had told you to hide it, in fear of something dark. You had never really understood why - sure, snakes were associated with evil, like basilisks and Salazar Slytherin, but there were a fair share of Slytherins in your family who were the nicest of people. Despite that, they had reacted negatively to you being sorted into Slytherin. Sometimes it felt like they knew something that you didn't.

It wasn't something you liked to think about too often, but it still crossed your mind sometimes, like in potions, where you sat etching mindless graffiti into the table. You couldn't help but stare at the tip of your tattoo poking out of your sleeve, unaware you were subconsciously transcribing a snake into the dark wood.

You were so consumed in your thoughts that you failed to hear Slughorn dismissing everyone, until he walked up to your desk and tapped his wand where your graffiti was.

"A fascinating drawing, Miss L/N. Why a snake?"

Your eyes snapped up, a small hint of fear at being caught bubbling within you.

He sensed your apprehension, and laughed, "Don't panic, it's nothing a little magic can't cover up."

You watched as he wordlessly moved his wand over the snake, transforming it back into smooth wood.

"You didn't answer my question - why a snake?"

You shrugged, playing with the sleeve that covered your tattoo.

Slughorn noticed the fidgeting, and also caught sight of some of the ink. "Your soul mark? Is it a snake?"

You nodded.

"Fascinating. Very fitting of a Slytherin, don't you think?"

"I suppose," you said quietly.

"Perhaps your soulmate is a Slytherin?"

"Maybe."

"Anyway, my lesson has finished, if you hadn't noticed. You're free to go."

You pushed all your belongings into your satchel, and began making your way to the exit in a hurry.

"Oh, Miss L/N, I think you dropped something."

You span around to see Slughorn clutching a black book, cornered in brass - it looked like a handful of notebooks you owned from that distance, so you didn't think twice about moving forward and accepting it from him. As you shoved it into your bag, you mumbled a "thank you" before leaving the dungeon classroom for good.

***

Only now you were sat at your desk in your dormitory did you realise that the book was in fact not yours.

Like usual, you had completed your evening routine of going through your satchel and organising any new assignments and notes you had gathered that day, causing you to open the book you had thoughtlessly accepted from Slughorn to see what you had written in it. Except, you hadn't written in it - meaning it couldn't be yours, as at this point in the year there was not a notebook you kept on your person that wasn't written in.

At the very least, its emptiness probably meant no one was missing it.

You shoved the book aside and picked up a fresh piece of scroll for your next due assignment; you dipped your quill into the ink pot sat at the back of the desk, and as you brought your hand back to the scroll, a couple drops fell from the quill and landed on the still-open page of the mystery book. You wouldn't have paid any attention to it if the ink hadn't then dissolved into the page.

Suddenly, the assignment didn't matter to you anymore. All that mattered was the evidently charmed book, that could potentially hold someone's secrets if it was some kind of invisible ink spell.

Maybe someone was missing it, then.

In the case you managed to return it, you decided to write a small message to them, to ensure to them that you didn't invade their privacy.

Your charm works by the way - I can't see a thing in here.

You watched as the ink disappeared, but it surprised you when ink appeared in return.

D: Do you know the charm placed on this diary?

You hadn't expected a response, but found yourself replying nonetheless.

Y: An invisible ink one, right?

D: Wrong.

Y: What charm is it then?

D: A companionship charm. I provide company to the owner.

Y: Do you have a name?

D: I am named after my creator. I am him, in a way.

Y: Who is he?

D: Tell me your name first.

You hesitated. You didn't want the owner of the diary to know you had been writing in it.

Y: I don't think I should say.

Y: What did you mean by "I am him, in a way"?

D: A part of his soul lives in this diary.

D: It allows me to think, talk, and act like him.

At the time, you assumed that the diary was referring to a soul-imitating charm of sorts, as you hadn't gotten the impression of dark magic being at play.

Y: Does that mean this diary is connected to his soulmate too? Has your creator met his soulmate?

D: I suppose I would be bonded to his soulmate - that's my soulmate as well, as I am a part of the soul.

Y: That's cool.

Y: What's your soulmate tattoo?

D: Tell me your name first.

You chewed your lip in thought. Were you really this curious? Did a part of you think that maybe the owner of this diary was your soulmate? It was perfectly normal to compare marks with every person you met - although this wasn't really a person.

Y: Y/N L/N.

D: Okay, Miss L/N, this is my soul mark.

You watched as a design began forming on the page, as if being drawn by an invisible hand. You stilled in shock as you realised it was taking the form of a snake - one exactly like your own tattoo.

Y: Do you have eyes or something? A seeing charm?

D: What do you mean?

Y: You drew my soul mark.

D: I do not have a seeing charm placed on me.

Y: What's your name? I've told you mine.

You stared in nervous anticipation as the diary began to reply.

D: Tom Marvolo Riddle.

The grip you had on your quill tightened until your knuckles were white.

Tom Riddle was the mysterious - albeit handsome - boy in your year, in your house. He scared everyone with his dominating presence and calculated words, along with his fascination in dark magic. He had always had a magnetism of attraction about him, but a million girls fancied him, so you had always thought that everyone felt it.

You knew that should have been where you returned the diary to him, but you found yourself way too curious about your potential soulmate. So, you found yourself conversing with the diary right until the early hours of the morning.

***

Were you ready to have Tom Riddle as your soulmate?

Sure, he was a woman-charmer, a handsome guy, clearly intelligent beyond his years... he just seemed so disinterested in love and relationships. Did he even want you? Well, not you specifically, but a soulmate in general.

Did you even want him?

The sinister feeling around your snake tattoo had grown stronger ever since you first wrote in the diary, and something told you that Riddle was a person of many dark mysteries. Yet, still, in spite of that, the childish desire to be in the arms of your fated remained twisting inside of you, pulling at your core and urging you to confess to Tom.

"Riddle," you called out, just as your defence against the dark arts class had been dismissed.

The boy looked up, and narrowed his eyes at you as you approached him.

You couldn't help but gulp as you reached his desk, feeling threatened by the height advantage he had on you. "I believe this is yours," you finally spoke, presenting the diary to him. If he was paying any attention to your appearance, the bags under your eyes - which were normally well-rested - would probably give away that you had been up all night writing in it.

"And how did you reach that conclusion?" he replied - his tone as cool as ever.

"Whatever charm you put on it works. The diary talks back."

You placed it in his hand, looking up to meet his gaze.

"I must apologise - I did write in it for a few hours. It was so fascinating that I couldn't resist."

He didn't say anything in response, so you took that as your cue to leave, bowing your head as you exited the classroom.

***

"Avery," Tom drawled, staring daggers into his friend, "Your little spell of life force draining doesn't work."

"My Lord, I promise you it does. It isn't even my own spell."

"Yes, it's the oh so trustworthy dark magic you found in Knockturn Alley."

"May I ask what leads you to believe it doesn't work?"

Tom sighed, "Little Miss L/N in our year found my diary - which you dropped, by the way, I trusted you with it in confidence-"

"My apologies, my Lord."

"Do not interrupt me - anyway, she found it, spent some time writing in it, and didn't form an emotional attachment. It's supposed to happen within a few minutes of writing in it."

"Maybe the diary was already attached to someone else? It can't drain two people at once."

"Then that's all the worse for you if two irrelevant nobodies got their hands on it when it was supposed to be in your possession."

"The charm is genuine, though, my Lord, I promise."

"Liar."

"The book did say the charm doesn't work on the soulmate of the caster."

Tom stilled in his movements, slowly leaning towards Avery with a cold expression, "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting, Avery?"

"Maybe, y- yes, my Lord."

"That's a weighted hypothesis you're making, you know, I would hate for you to be wrong."

Tom flicked open the pages of the diary, grabbing an ink pot and quill from the nearest table surface. Slowly, but carefully, he began writing.

T: Why couldn't you begin draining L/N's life force?

He watched as the part of his soul within the book began forming ink on the pages.

Within seconds, he was staring at a fully drawn version of the soul mark imprinted on his left forearm: the serpent.

His hand gripped the edges of the page tightly, and he watched as his knuckles whitened as a result of the pressure. Eventually, he let go, throwing the diary towards Lestrange, "It's your responsibility, now, don't disappoint me."

He then stormed out of the room swiftly and menacingly, with only one thought bouncing through his mind.

***

At this time of night, you weren't necessarily meant to be asleep, but you were meant to be in your common rooms or dormitories. You shouldn't have been in the library so late - Merlin knows it's a miracle the librarian didn't find you tucked away in your corner. It was also a miracle you made it back to the Slytherin dungeons without running into a teacher or a prefect.

Only when you walked into the common room to see that it was completely deserted did you realise why you hadn't run into any prefects: it was very late. Hence the empty room.

Or so you thought.

A cough made you jolt, spinning around frantically to identify the location, to then spot a figure looming in the shadows.

"Y/N L/N."

"Yes?" you replied meekly, preparing yourself to grab your wand from your pocket. You relaxed when Tom Riddle emerged from the darkness, letting your hand fall back to your side.

"My apologies, I didn't meant to scare you."

You didn't think you had ever heard Riddle apologise to anyone before. "It- it's fine. Do you need something?"

He didn't reply verbally, but walked closer to you. All you could do was observe as he reached down to grab your left wrist, and pulled up your sleeve. You heard his breath hitch as he looked upon the serpent design, and you felt your eyes wander to his clothed left arm.

Letting go of your wrist, Tom stepped back and pulled up the material of his jumper, revealing the identical tattoo patterned on his skin. You didn't know what to say as his gaze met yours, so you hoped that he would lead the conversation.

"You are my soulmate, L/N."

No shit, Sherlock.

"I can only apologise for what your soul will have to endure."

***

You wish the night hadn't been sleepless for you, but the truth is Tom's words were playing around in your head like a broken record. Maybe it was just a joking apology about being soulmates with him? He didn't seem like the type to crack a joke, especially considering he said it so cryptically. No, you knew that there was a darkened undertone to his words, and you had a feeling it was connected to the diary.

Still, there was a burning desire inside of you to grow close to him - to be his, and for him to be yours. Every ounce of self-doubt told you that the man had no interest in a relationship, he was clearly preoccupied with other business.

That was definitely evident when you sat down at the Slytherin table for breakfast, immediately looking in Tom's direction. He watched as you sat down, but then turned back to whispering to his friends. Well, friends was a strong word - you weren't sure you would refer to them as that. Avery and Lestrange seemed to follow Riddle not out of platonic affection, but out of obedient loyalty. Their "friendship" dynamic had always immensely confused you, but they appeared happy so you didn't question it.

Tom didn't sit next to them in defence against the dark arts that day - he sat at your side, forcing the girl next to you to move. You gave him a glare for being rude to her, but it was futile as he clearly didn't care.

"There are certain things that come with being my soulmate that you might not be prepared for," he said quietly to you while the professor droned on.

"Such as?"

"I can't speak of them here," he said, "But I have great plans for my life, and you cannot be of any hinderance."

You frowned at him.

"Essentially, you're either with me completely, or not at all."

"I need to know your exact plans before I make that decision," you whispered, unable to squash the confusion you felt, along with the slight hint of hurt that you might not spend your life with the boy who was already making your heart race.

"It will have to be discussed in private."

***

You weren't entirely sure where you were, if you were honest. To your utter dismay, you had been blindfolded and led to a secondary location, something that had been strongly advised against by your parents. Unfortunately, you had been inclined to oblige, due to the blindfolder being your soulmate. Avery and Lestrange were tagging along as well, as you could hear them talking a little ways behind you, but couldn't make out what they were saying as you were too busy attempting to memorise all the turns and twists you took - though you weren't doing a very good job.

Eventually, all movement stilled, and you felt smooth hands brush against your skin as the blindfold was removed from your face. You looked around, but quite honestly still had no idea where you were: the room was darkened, with no windows, and you could hear the faint sound of dripping. After your eyes adjusted, you decided it was an abandoned classroom deep in the dungeons. Every instinct in your body told you that you were about to die.

You looked upon Tom shakily, wondering just what he was capable of.

"Everything said here must not leave this room, do you understand?" he asked, disregarding your blatant fear.

It seemed best to comply, so you nodded.

"Even if you decide not to join me, you cannot speak a word of this to anyone. Ever."

Again, you nodded.

Tom pulled his wand out of his cloak and held it to the palm of his other hand, "Blood pact."

You watched as he cut the palm of his hand open with magic, and held out your hand to allow him to do the same. Closing your eyes, you felt his fingertips brush over the back of your hand as the wand cut a stinging line on the front. You opened your eyes to shake his hand, feeling in your bones the bond then created between the two of you.

Tom then stepped away from you, looking towards Avery and Lestrange, before beginning to talk. "I am the only known living descendant of Salazar Slytherin... and thus I have a large legacy to live up to. Thankfully, my aspirations and skillset align with great things."

You held your injured palm in your other hand as he continued to speak.

"I desire to be the most powerful wizard of all time. The entire package - indestructible, intelligent, immortal."

The emphasis on the last word made you tilt your head in confusion.

"Did you know that immortality is possible, Y/N?"

You nodded, "The philosopher's stone - but only one has ever been successfully made."

"There is in fact a much more direct way," he said, "However it is not popularised due to the method involving... dark magic."

Shock and understanding coursed through your being: suddenly all of Riddle, Lestrange and Avery's strange behaviour was making sense.

"Have you ever heard of a horcrux?"

You shook your head.

"It is an item or creature in which a part of one's soul is contained. The division of one's soul into multiple vessels allows for it to be very difficult for one to be killed. All horcruxes must be destroyed for one's life to end - do you understand where I'm going with this?"

Meekly, you nodded your head once more.

"The more horcruxes the better, therefore, and by spreading them out far and wide - it would be near impossible for someone to find them all, especially with no clues."

You remained quiet as he stared deeply into your eyes.

"The diary that you found is my first - and currently only - horcrux."

"Do you age?" you finally summoned the courage to ask.

He nodded, "Yes, it is simply my soul that cannot be erased. Eventually my physical body will die a natural death of old age - but I can gain a new body with my continually living soul."

"How?"

"There are a multitude of spells and rituals for the task - all dark magic, of course."

"Who will do it?"

"My faithful followers," he said simply, as if it were the most obvious piece of information in the world, "I'm thinking of calling them death eaters."

You gazed off into the distance as you thought about the diary. "I was talking to an actual part of you?"

"A part of my soul, but yes."

"How do you make a horcrux?"

"Through a painful and grim procedure."

Trying to ignore the dull ache in your palm, you asked, "Why would you have followers?"

"I already have Lestrange and Avery, as you can see - it's really no mystery as to why many pure-bloods and half-bloods will be willing to follow me."

You frowned, connecting the dots in your head, "Something to do with muggle-borns?"

"Part of the cause is my- our- vow to erase mudbloods from existence."

Every part of your body froze, as your mind ticked back to the memory of muggle-born student Myrtle Warren's recent death. You couldn't help the itching sense of terror that consumed you as you looked upon Tom, who was analysing your body language carefully.

"I understand if this is a lot to take in."

You gulped, looking between him and then Avery, and then Lestrange.

"Can I- can I have some time to think about it?"

As he opened his mouth to reply, Avery cut in, "My Lord, it's getting late. We should return soon so as not to attract suspicion."

"Very well," Tom said, "You may have a week to decide. Regardless of your decision, you must not tell another soul of what we have discussed."

"I can't anyway," you mumbled, in reference to the blood pact.

The blindfold was soon on you again, and you were being led out of the mysterious location wondering how you made it out alive.

"Would I have to call you my Lord as well?" you asked.

"No," he said shortly, "I suppose not."

The journey then continued in silence, until you tripped when going up a set of stairs. It seemed that a fall was inevitable, as by some miracle one had not occurred on the way there.

"Please tell me when there are stairs," you snapped, with an anger-driven wave of courage.

Tom, who had caught you by gripping his hands on your arms, muttered, "My apologies."

You almost missed the surprised and confused way Avery and Lestrange began whispering to each other after that. In your defence, your mind was filled with a million thoughts a second.

You hated how safe you felt in Tom's arms, how secure his hold was, because there was a very good chance he was a killer. It should be a no-brainer declining his offer of joining his muggle-born hate group, but the part of you that was soulmate-bonded to Tom wanted nothing more than to be by his side.

But, at the end of it all, you were petrified. Petrified both of your soulmate and of being without him.

You had a lot of thinking to do.

***

One thing you read up on was that upon first making skin-on-skin contact with your soulmate, your bond would deepen and you would find it more difficult to be away from them. Many long-wed soulmate couples spoke of how it became easier eventually, but only after it got harder.

That was one famous quote you had always been irritated at the paradox in: it gets worse before it gets better. If you were going through hardships, and kept repeating that line, what is the point at which it gets better? Surely it would just continually get worse, as it has to get worse before it’s able to get better, but if it constantly has to get worse, then the better that was spoken of never takes place, which would mean that the quote- which is somewhat of a theory- becomes null and void.

You were overthinking it - fixating on one specific minute detail so as to distract from the mortifying ordeal of the bigger picture. Maybe it got better once things could no longer get worse, i.e. when you reached rock bottom. A more inspirational quote to you was once you've reached rock bottom, the only way to go is up. The only problem was that you weren't at rock bottom: your grades were perfectly adequate, your friendships were perfectly intact, and you had achieved the most common desire among wizarding folk. Of course, your woes were as a result of the latter.

You wished you had never found out it was Tom Riddle, the orphaned boy with sinister plans, because you knew deep down that this would end with you choosing your heart's wishes over your brain's logic. His touch was the subject of your cravings, and his elegant manner of speaking the music in your mind.

Your dearest friend Sullyoon could do little to gain your attention as you stared longingly at Tom from across the potions classroom. Despite having permanently placed himself at your side in DADA, he had not made the same move in Slughorn's lessons.

Sullyoon was a weird part in your finding of your soulmate, as normally she dragged you out of lessons the second they were over, but the day in which the diary was mistakenly handed to you was the day she was in the hospital wing nursing a severe quidditch injury. If she hadn't swerved left when in a quaffle-battle with chasers during the match between Slytherin and Gryffindor, the beater of the opposing team wouldn't have accidentally whacked her arm instead of the mischievous little bludger he had originally intended on. The poor boy had felt absolutely awful, but thanks to the wonders of wizarding medicine, Sullyoon didn't have to suffer for more than a day.

"Babe, I can't even get you to look my way for more than a second these days," she spoke, adding various ingredients to your shared cauldron, "You keep gazing at Mr Arrogant like Cupid has struck you."

The look you gave her in reply must have been an open book, because her jaw instantly dropped.

"Oh, Cupid has struck you."

You saw no point in denying it, but you weren't sure if she had jumped to the conclusion of soulmates yet, or just thought that you had developed a crush.

"Well, he's handsome, I'll give you that. But completely and utterly up himself."

You hummed.

"Not even sure if he's capable of love, to be honest, he's very closed off - always whispering suspiciously with Avery and Lestrange."

Part of you wanted to tell Sullyoon that she had every right to be suspicious of their whispers, but you were bound by a blood pact. You were reminded of that when Tom's gaze shifted to lock with yours, quirking an eyebrow in the most subtle of ways. Subconsciously, you began fidgeting with the sleeve that covered your soul mark, and only realised the habit when Tom then moved his eyes to look there.

Sullyoon observed all of this, and when you turned back to look at her you couldn't miss the understanding now enveloping her expression.

"Shit," she muttered.

"Shit," you repeated in agreement.

***

Did Tom feel the longing you felt on his end? Did he desire your touch? Crave your presence? You had to agree with Sullyoon's questioning of whether he was even capable of feelings as soft and affectionate as love. However, you reasoned, that wasn't the only way to love - some love was toxic, obsessive, but passionate. Was Tom the protective type?

All these questions that you wanted answers so desperately to seemed to push you in the direction of joining him. It was bad.

Fuck, that was an understatement.

It was immoral, unethical, evil - but at its very core, it was powerful and impressive. If Tom were to succeed entirely in his dark dreams, then he would be a serial killer. Even that term felt mild to describe who he would be if he followed through with the things he spoke of. He would be the most terrifying wizard to walk the planet, the miserable cloud hanging over history, and the name people feared to speak.

But, worst of all, he would still be your soulmate.

Whenever your eyes met his in lessons, when your hands brushed in the corridor, or when he greeted you politely at meal times - you would temporarily forget his dark side. The cliché butterflies in your stomach accompanied with the blood rushing to your ears would flourish as he gave you that devastatingly gorgeous smile, and you would feel at ease. Why did you feel so safe with someone so unarguably dangerous?

Which is why, to your utter moral dismay, you approached him before the week time limit was even up, telling him you would join him. He had grinned devilishly, before quickly instructing you to meet him after dinner in the girls' toilets that had been closed ever since Myrtle's untimely death. No one of a sane mind dared to step foot in them, as the death was far too recent.

Plus, Myrtle had elected to come back as a ghost.

***

Tom wasn't there when you arrived, but you caught sight of a ghostly flash in the corner of your eye. Apparently, Myrtle was far too shy to start properly revealing herself to students yet, but you assumed that would change as the years passed.

When the boy arrived, he appeared as calm and collected as ever, and it took you by surprise when he kissed you on the cheek and took your hand in his. Still, he did not say a word to you, turning towards the sinks before speaking- to your horror- in fluent parseltongue. You knew all too well that it was an ability blessed upon the bloodline of Salazar Slytherin, but you also knew it was heavily associated with dark magic.

Your shock was replaced by a different one when the sinks moved to form an entrance to somewhere - but all you could do was let Tom lead you into the unknown abyss of darkness, leaving the faint cries of Myrtle Warren's ghost behind.

You walked for a while in silence, though your tight grip on his hand must have spoke volumes. You didn't fail to notice the way his thumb lightly stroked yours, and for a brief second you speculated that maybe Riddle was capable of affection.

Those thoughts were quickly forgotten, though, when you reached a gate with a design of snakes decorating it extravagantly. Subconsciously, you shifted closer to Tom's side and gripped your free hand around his bicep. He made no objection to your movements, and spoke in some more parseltongue to make the gate open, presenting a very large and very scary room beyond.

"This-" he finally spoke, stepping in, "-is the Chamber of Salazar Slytherin."

You gulped.

"I've never taken anyone here before," he paused, "Well, that's a lie. I've never taken anyone here before in good intent."

At your frown, he further explained.

"I've never taken anyone here before without the intention to kill them," for a brief moment you felt a pang of fear for your life, but it was soothed by him saying, "Until you."

He guided you further into the chamber, and you couldn't mistake the sound of something moving in the background.

Tom, again, began speaking in parseltongue, and you nearly jumped when a giant snake- a basilisk- slithered out of one of the many interconnecting tunnels. Its eyelids were shut, but you knew what lay behind them, so instinctively buried your face into Tom's shoulder.

"Darling, the basilisk obeys me - another perk of Slytherin blood - so rest assured that I will not let you see into its eyes. I prefer you alive."

Cautiously, you peeked out from the material of his cloak, feeling your heart thumping tenfold in your chest. He spoke more parseltongue, and the basilisk began moving around the two of you, at which point he reached out to stroke it with the hand you weren't holding captive. He gestured for you to stroke the serpent as well, and with an immensely shaky hand you released his bicep from your grip and let your fingertips run over the reptilian scales.

"I always saw a soulmate as a weakness," Tom began, "I hoped I would never meet mine so as to not be held back in my plans, more concerned about you not being able to handle this lifestyle than being with you."

You looked back up at him from stroking the basilisk.

"It's strange, though, how now that I've met you, I don't care about weakness anymore. Despite the fact you're evidently going to take some warming up to my choices, I feel the need to protect you, to hold you safely in my arms from any dangers."

Pulling your hand back from the snake, you let it wrap around Tom's side, somewhat forcing him into an embrace with you. He returned it, much less stiffly than you had thought that he would.

"And to protect you from these dangers, I must create you a safety net," he spoke, stepping back from you to pull out his wand.

For a split second, you thought he was going to use it on you, but he didn't. He turned away and muttered a charm under his breath, which, to your further horror, brought two younger students into display - alive, but tied up and gagged.

"In order to be further bonded, and for you not to be a weakness of mine, we will become horcruxes for each other. I will not be your last horcrux, of course, but it is a rather romantic first step, I'd say."

You nervously looked over at the two students, feeling the urge to sob when you saw the fear in their eyes.

"Hey, shh, shh, darling," he only spoke gently to you, pulling your head into his chest, "They will be at peace soon."

Why did you lean into him even now?

"Did you not notice all the ruckus about two missing students? Mudblood students? Did you not suspect I was the cause?"

You hadn't noticed nor suspected him. You had been so wrapped up in your thoughts lately that you hadn't even spared an ounce of attention towards Sullyoon's relentless gossiping, or the rumours spreading like wildfire throughout the castle.

And that's when you heard more parseltongue, and the movement of the basilisk once again. It had its back to you now, but it wasn't difficult to decipher that it had opened its eyelids under Tom's orders. You were then overwhelmed with blood, and his voice, and the feeling of something within you being ripped and stolen like you were being mugged by a sadist.

But then it stopped. You collapsed a little, weakened by the experience, and noticed a burning sensation on your left wrist. Once your vision stopped spinning and Tom had pulled you upright, you looked at your soul mark to see that it had risen beyond ink, taking a bumpier three-dimensional form, blackened completely. You soon saw that Tom's mark had done the same.

What then took you off guard was your soulmate speaking to the basilisk, only this time, you could understand him. He was telling the snake to leave now, but with a hissing edge to his voice. It then further surprised you when you found yourself speaking to him effortlessly in parseltongue as well, which only caused his grin to expand.

"Yes, only my soulmate should also possess the ability of parseltongue. Very fitting."

And then his lips were on yours. A voice in the back of your head screamed that you should resist, that you should walk away, but you melted into Tom's touch. The number of books you had read on the first kiss with your soulmate didn't even come close to capturing the euphoria you were in, as well as the security you felt.

"You, my darling, are my forever."

***

TEN YEARS LATER.

***

"My Lady, the Dark Lord is waiting for you," the small and nervous death eater spoke, his height falling shorter than yours.

You dismissed him, turning back to the mirror that was cracked at the edges and scratched along the centre. Despite its wear and tear, you could still make out the darkening bags beneath your eyes, giving them a sunken look. The whiteness of your eyeballs had long since taken a permanently bloodshot appearance, but you found yourself uncaring. You ran the tap of the sink in the old-fashioned bedroom, and splashed cold water on to your face, enjoying briefly the refreshing feel - not that hot water was an option in this abandoned house.

Eventually, you left the room, forcing yourself to take upon a more confident walk as you passed death eaters in the dozen. They all bowed respectfully at you, and instantly rushed to open the door to the main room of the house - the centrepiece.

Within the room, Tom was sat alone at the head of the grand but beaten-down table, but his face lit up when he caught sight of you.

"My darling, my Dark Lady," he spoke, rising from his seat to peck your lips and pull you into his chest. You remained there for a while, unwanting to move, which Tom sensed. His arms were the only place you felt comfortable and happy these days. "What is troubling you?"

You shook your head, knowing that your dissatisfaction with this life was a bad thing to discuss when in a house full of murderers. "Nothin', Tom."

Tom was a name rarely spoken when in reference to the man before you anymore, being pretty much exclusively referred to by his chosen name of Lord Voldemort. You were about the only person who could speak his birth name without igniting a fury that could kill nations, but only when you were within closed doors. You could get away with "Tom" in public, but it would lead to a stern chat once you got home that ended in your tears more than you'd like to admit.

He would then comfort you, and coddle you, and, well, you could never stay mad at him or away from him for long. Sometimes you were sure that he had masterfully manipulated you along the way, ensuring your dependency on him, but you were thinking about your situation less and less - in a permanent state of disassociation save for when Tom embraced you.

"Darling," his voice pulled you back to reality, "You don't have to attend if you don't want to. You're the only person allowed to ignore my orders and I want you to use that privilege."

You shook your head again, nuzzling your nose into his warmth. Perhaps you would have taken him up on that offer had you not been under the influence of the drug that was his being.

"Are you sure? The last time you witnessed a murder you were quiet for a week. I don't like seeing you upset and unhealthy."

You mumbled something, but your voice was too muffled for Tom to understand it.

"Hey, hey, look at me, my darling," he said, tilting your head up with his forefinger so you could gaze at him, "Please look after yourself, you are my rock, my forever."

You nodded slightly, feeling exhaustion settle in your bones.

"I want you to rest, we will be back shortly."

He then kissed you, taking his time, slow and delicate as if you were a fragile ornament. But then he parted from you, leaving another peck on your lips before exiting the room.

And, as you watched him disappear out of sight, you briefly allowed yourself the luxury of pondering how life would have been had you walked away all those years ago.

————————————

masterlist

written; 19/07/2022 —> 05/08/2022 published; 06/08/2022 edited; —/—/——

[fr33ze-y0ur-br4in]

Hey so I saw that your requests were open and you’d be open to do Khonshu stuff. I’m so excited because he’s like my go to but there’s not a ton of content to keep me fed so I’ll just as a simple fluff head canon stuff from you. I understand if you’re busy or whatnot so no rush, have a beautiful day!

.:*・°☆. Murder Bird My Beloved.:*・°☆.

My link list is here

Pairing: Khonshu x GN!Deity!Reader

Summary: general fluffy headcanons for Big Bird Khonshu dearest (includes backstory for “meeting” I suppose, maybe how you got together? (A/n: they kinda merged together), and then just general fluff stuff)

Warnings: it’s so much omg, Reader is god/goddess/deity of Promises and has a counterpart that’s the deity of Karma, GN!Reader, 2nd POV (“you” is used in reference to reader), Y/N not used, possible spoilers for Moon Knight, canon-divergent in most aspects, as usual probably cringey, also as usual should be POC friendly but if any descriptions of skin color are detailed please let me know so I can fix it, Reader’s godly form is said to have “eyes […] so golden they seem to reflect […] stars […]” but they have an unspoken human form that doesn’t have such specifics

Word Count: 1,134

Genre: headcanons, fluff

Beta/Proofread?: yep!

Notes: I told my friend to hear me out on Khonshu and she just sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose🧍listen I can eXPLAI- It started out so well but went down in quality in the second part ;-; Would anyone like to hear about what my OC that Reader is based of looks like cus I love how she’s designed

How you met + Getting together:

Technically speaking, you had always known of each other’s existence, just rarely having spoken

Given that you are not part of the Ennead, you and your counterpart were not held to as high of a pedestal as them.

You, being the deity of promises, and your counterpart, being the deity of karma from broken promises, often kept to yourselves, only going to the other deities when necessary so as to not be reeled into fights and rivalries

Honestly it worked

No one really had an issue with either of you and you had few issues with the other deities

The only reason that you would have a negative encounter with another god would be if they broke a promise, swear, or deal they made with anyone else or if their Avatar did so

That being said, you and your counterpart always knew when and if someone would break a promise. Much like Ammit, you judged someone’s (or something’s) character before anything bad happened, looking into whether they would keep their end of a bargain when they made it. Similar to Khonshu and to the disappointment of your counterpart, you didn’t give punishment until after the deal was broken, giving them a chance to change their decisions.

This is why Khonshu held a certain level of respect for you whether he’d admit it or not

He knew that even though someone was almost guaranteed to continue down the same path or fate they begun, there was always that slim chance that they’d be able to change their path, either giving them salvation and rightful rewards from you two or appropriate punishments for their wrongdoings

He saw that you were all similar in style and execution of your duties, though he held a certain level of fondness for you that he didn’t hold for your counterpart

Perhaps it’s the way your eyes are so golden when in your true form that they seem to reflect the very stars Khonshu tends to manipulate

Perhaps it’s the way you’re the reason people gain a second chance, your counterpart wishing to be more like Ammit in that they believed you should punish the bad before they can affect the world

Perhaps it’s the way you have your own set of rules that you are determined to stick to:

Minor broken promises that have little effect on the world and anyone in it are not to be punished with anything more severe than a lingering feeling of regret for a bit of time

Promises broken having something to do with love are to be punished over time, rarely having an instant punishment to quickly get over, and shall have a lasting effect on the person or people in the wrong

Mortals are to have only three chances to break a major promise before their punishments are to be fitting for their level of importance to the course of the world

Gods, sometimes understandably having to go back on their word for the sake of the greater good, have five chances at most to break positive world-changing promises

You and your counterpart are to never break a major promise more than one time, two times being the point of worthy imprisonment

Never in your several thousand years of existence have you felt it necessary to break any or your rules, always sticking to them no matter what

Your counterpart, unknown to you being slowly corrupted by Ammit, disagreed with the rules and thought that humans shouldn’t break a promise more than once to be worthy of punishment, deities should have no restrictions on their deals, and you two of all people shouldn’t have to be punished for your wrongdoings

After Ammit and your counterpart nearly succeeded in taking all bad in the world and turned it in their favor, you helped the Ennead to imprison the two of them burying them deep in tombs so as to never be released.

Khonshu saw how even you, the counterpart and friend of the Karmic deity, were unwilling to bend your principles even if it meant taking on the entirety of the world’s promises and karma on your own

He decided you would be a good person to have on his side, beginning to call upon you in any situation he deemed fit, even daring to call upon your own judgment within the Ennead’s circle of decisions whether the other gods saw it appropriate or not

This is how over the course of a few thousand years, it became known to any who heard legends of the two of you that you belonged to each other, finding a mutual love for each other over the time you share

General Headcanons (after establishing relationship):

If you weren’t already a god/goddess/deity, you’d better believe he’d make you one. Although since you already are one, he holds you to the highest degree of devotion possible, not having any regard for whether or not it offends the others

Even though you didn’t, he’d treat you as though you helped to hang the stars above

Boy you have him wrapped around your godly finger 💀 (

Probably the typical “I hate everyone and refuse to listen to anyone except my perfect wonderful amazing lovely wife” type of god, yk?

Genuinely thinks you can do no wrong, it’s probably not even healthy but he loves you so it’s fine

(okay I know this is probably so unlike him but I am so obsessed with the idea that anyone resembling a crow in any way loves to bring random shiny things to people they like so I can just see him bringing you random bits of precious metals and gems to the point that all that he collects is able to be made into a whole ahh shrine or smt for you)

Not a headcanon but I’m now realizing i should’ve done human!reader cus that’d be easier for general headcanons but I’ll make that later

After he gets banished, you become more enraged than you ever had been, choosing to follow him instead of staying with the others

Hopelessly devoted to youuuuu~🎶

Falls even harder if that was possible

He makes sure that any Avatars he picks are worthy in your eyes

After a particularly difficult mission Marc took on, before the events of the show, Khonshu considered dropping him altogether

You easily convinced him to do otherwise, telling him how crucial he’d be to the world in the future

The only reason Khonshu held onto Marc and Steven for so long even if he’d threaten to drop them was because of your words always echoing in his mind even with the slight doubt that came with seeing Steven’s performance

After the events of Ammit, he never doubted a word you said again, always taking your words as the highest level of truth to be said

A/n: I’m sorry the last half sucks, I tried to make it as well as possible but I think my tiredness is getting the better of me seeing as it’s now 11:30 at night for me rn- I hope you like it either way <3

[stardust-falling]

So I Identify as pro-ship (the original meaning, specifically) because I just don't think it's my business to cast moral judgment on people because of their tastes in fiction, and if someone's ship or fiction makes me uncomfortable I'll just block and move on. I have a lot of personal reasons for this, including but not limited to being raised for the later part of my childhood in a puritan cult in which basically all fiction was "problematic" and made you an evil person for enjoying it. So, I've seen where the anti line of thinking gets you, and even on the internet I've watched the definition of problematic grow and grow over the years-- if fandom keeps going on this way, eventually the label will consume everything.

However, I also take issue with the blanket statement "fiction doesn't affect reality." Because let's be honest, it does. Specifically, the racism and stereotypes present in fiction have a massive effect on peoples' perceptions of minorities-- this, I think, is by far the biggest negative effect fiction has on reality. Unfortunately, this is not what antis are concerned with, and from what I've seen it's only ever really been used as a "gotcha," while the condemnation of problematic media is almost always centered around nsfw content and relationships.

Even in those cases, yes, maybe there are some people who will copy "problematic" fiction, but let's be real-- the people who commit those kinds of crimes would do it with or without fiction. It's not the fiction's fault, nor is it the storyteller's if someone commits a copycat crime. Additionally, I can only think of one or maybe two incidents in which fiction is confirmed to have influenced a crime.

For the vast majority of people, fiction will not affect their real-life values and beliefs that way. Honestly, most pro-shippers I've seen also don't claim that fiction never affects reality, it's just that there's a difference between fiction and reality. Which is objectively true, and if you don't think so, then please reconsider that stance because it's honestly baffling-- especially when most antis don't have a problem with murder, theft, etc. and only have an issue when it comes to sexual themes.

Anyway, as to where I was going with this-- dark or problematic fiction may cause some harm to those who consume it. There are people who will be triggered by it (that's what warnings and avoiding are for). In very rare cases, there might be someone who is inspired by it. But people approach these issues the wrong way.

Fiction can affect reality, but instead of seeing it as radioactive waste, it should instead be treated as an allergen.

Foods that are allergens can literally kill some people-- but for other people, they're helpful. Problematic/dark fiction can be the same way. I process my trauma by both writing and reading certain dark topics, but other people would end up triggered by it-- like how I enjoy peanuts & they're good for me but they could kill someone else.

Look into studies on schools that have banned peanuts-- there's no significant difference in allergy triggers, and it removes a type of nutrition from the diet of those who need it. This sort of ban is not helpful, and not recommended. Problematic fiction is the same way.

People with allergies will know that they either need to look at a label to see if the allergen is listed, or ask the preparer, or just avoid the food if they're not sure. While there are designated allergen-free spaces, those are not the default-- because if you banned everything anyone could be allergic to, there would be no food anyone could eat. People should be able to avoid their allergens, but that doesn't mean no one else can enjoy eating those foods or benefit from them.

Just like you should stick to allergen-free meals if you're allergic to something, you should also stick to verifiably trigger-free media and spaces if you're triggered by certain content. That doesn't mean it needs to be banned, that doesn't even mean it needs to be sequestered away from wider fandom-- it just means that you need to not follow people or engage with people who post the thing that harms you, because guess what? Just because it may harm you doesn't mean it harms everyone.

[hausofneptune]

(repost) [the astrology of pedro pascal] - hard sun aspects (major) | sun square saturn

hey y’all! in this series we’ll be covering major hard/challenging aspects (squares and oppositions) to pedro’s sun. minor challenging aspects to his sun (semi-squares/sesquiquadrates and semi-sextiles/inconjunctions) will be covered in an upcoming series, as well as the rest of the major and minor aspects to the rest of his planets, and asteroids in his chart! i also want to note that when it comes to these aspects, they have to be examined through the lens of the entire chart, as they’re influenced by a myriad of factors within it.

disclaimers | masterlist | ask

sun square saturn (0°00’)

in this aspect, the planetary bodies are in conflict with one another. the sun is representative of the self, outward perception from others, how we show up in the world, and our ego and self esteem. it represents our enjoyment, happiness, and our physical vitality. saturn is representative of long-term goals, how we approach those goals, and more specifically the restriction and difficulty we face in meeting these goals. most often you’ll hear saturn referred to as the “teacher” or the “father” of the planetary bodies, it is the “bar” you set for yourself. 

when the sun and saturn are squared in a chart, it may manifest as insecurities or an inferiority complex. saturnian restrictions placed upon the ego can result in feelings of self-doubt and a lack of self-worth, and natives with this aspect may have to work 10x harder to achieve their goals. in youth they may have felt that any attempt they got to express their will was often impeded upon. this can also manifest as a desire to be in constant control of their environment and/or those around them. as mentioned before, saturn represents long-term goals, whatever saturn hits in the natal chart tends to be the area of life or the area of the personality that takes the longest to develop. these people may be considered “late bloomers” and tend to find success later in life. 

that success not only manifests in terms of career, money, social status, but also in terms of their relationship with themselves. they can become less critical of themselves with age, but it may follow them far into adulthood if not addressed. people with this aspect can be extremely hard on themselves, especially in youth. saturn can also represent the father/paternal figures in one’s life, therefore this aspect can potentially manifest in a father figure imposing negatively on the native’s identity, or restricting them in some way shape or form from self-actualization (not implying that this is the case for pedro as he’s pretty private in regards to his family/home life, just speaking in general terms for those with this aspect).

on the flip side, when saturn aspects are fully developed and worked through, these can become areas of the personality and of life that the native has the most strength in, so long as you’re working with saturn and not against it. in terms of how this has manifested in pedro’s life, he has the “fairytale” story where he was a struggling actor in new york, working non-stop, seeing his peers excel in the industry, maybe not with “ease” but perhaps “easier” for them than for it was him. it wasn’t until he was in his late 30’s that he got the role of Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones, and then after that the role of Javier Peña in Narcos. 

his breakout role was The Mandalorian (a role he got in his early 40s if i’m not mistaken), and then recently, the role that actually made me alongside most of the rest of the world aware of him, Joel Miller in The Last of Us, a role he got in his early-mid 40s as well. he didn’t become “commercially successful” until later in life. i would also argue that a positive effect of this aspect could be the result of him not “peaking” too soon as an actor. because he had to work harder, he was put in a position where he had to actively master his craft. whereas younger actors (not all of them obviously) may find that success sooner and become comfortable, not necessarily have that hunger to improve, and become “pigeonholed” or type-cast after having one big role.

on the other hand though, and this is my own inference, i do wonder how he’s managed in terms of his own self-image and self esteem. he’s obviously at a point now in his life he has the career he’s been working towards his whole life, he’s said himself he’s enjoying all of the attention, adoration, and praise he’s gotten and even plays into it himself. but one thing that sticks with me is something he said in the THR: Round Table interview in reference to the expectations people had for The Last of Us: “but this time around, i was scared. i was so scared. because there was more of an exposed silhouette, a silhouette of coolness maybe, and an expectation to be met as far as what people’s immersive experience of the story was. and to disappoint them in that regard felt like it would be … i don’t know. you don’t want to let people down, but also nobody’s impervious to disappointing people. i want people to like me.” there are other interviews where he brings up this desire to “be liked” and references to how hard he can be on himself, and i always thought he was being half-hearted until i looked at his chart and realized how deeply he actually cares about the perception of himself and his work from others. 

i’m definitely not saying to be condescending, or to infantilize him in any way shape or form. we as human beings are social creatures and whether we want to admit it or not we ALL by default desire acceptance, and WANT to be liked by others. but from my perception, 2023 was his year. he (alongside Bella) was front and center for one of the best shows that came out this year, (and i would argue the best video game adaptation to come out in a minute), he had season three of The Mandalorian come out, he did a short film with Pedro Almodovar, he’s currently working on the Gladiator sequel, and has been coined “daddy of the internet,” (it gives me the ick but if he likes it i love it). i say all that to say, it’s interesting to me that this has been arguably the most successful year of his life, and he seems to be struggling with imposter syndrome. he continues to reiterate how much he desires to be liked, when he’s obviously adored and very much so in demand as an actor.

i also want to address the signs that these planets are in as that also influences this aspect. he’s an aries sun, and the sun is exalted in aries, meaning the planet has the highest ability of expression in this sign. the sun is encouraged to assert the personality and soul’s mission through the courage of aries. on the other hand, his saturn is in cancer, and saturn is in detriment in cancer, meaning the planet finds the least strength in this sign. saturn’s limitations impose on cancer’s desire to nurture/be nurtured, resulting in insecurities and resentment surrounding the expression of vulnerability. those two energies being in conflict can result in a desire to want recognition and having the energy to do what it takes to get it, all the while feeling insecure and unworthy of the goals you’re working towards, even when you do attain them. 

alongside that, he has mentioned either being a gemini rising or a cancer rising. if he does have cancer on his ascendant, that would mean saturn falls in his 1st house. similar to the sun, the 1st house governs the “self,” it represents the physical body, new beginnings, and how your identity/personality manifests in the real world and affects your day to day life. having saturn in the 1st house would not only amplify the effects of the square aspect with the sun, but can also manifest in a literal sense, causing chronic ailments concerning the physical body. natives with this placement may deal with fatigue/difficulty sleeping or issues with the joints and bones. this can also influence the feeling of having to “grow up quickly.” they may go from being perceived as older than they are in youth, to then being perceived as appearing/behaving younger than they are with as they get older, and overall feeling happier as they age. feel free to take this with a grain of salt, though, as we don’t have a confirmed birth time for pedro.

i’ll wrap this up by saying this is the strongest (and arguably most important) aspect pedro has, and therefore one of the aspects in his chart that has the most influence over his identity. i’m very much so an astrology nerd and i love it not only when i can see how an aspect manifests in someone’s personality, but the literal manifestations within their life as well, and this is definitely an aspect/placement in pedro’s chart that you can see has played out over the course of his life thus far. 

i do personally feel like the effort he’s put into his career is tenfold the amount of effort he could be putting into bettering the relationship he has with himself. as someone who has saturn as their chart ruler, i can completely understand why that would be the case. but there’s a lot of unlearning that needs to take place, not only with this aspect but prominent saturn placements in general. there’s a level of hyper awareness that saturnian people have that can become counterproductive and self-destructive. nobody around them is as devoted to analyzing every single one of their flaws as much as them. 

i do have to note that the context is different in pedro’s case as he is a public figure and he definitely is subject to more scrutiny than the average person. and as i referenced earlier in this post, it does mean a lot to him how his work as an actor is perceived, and i don’t think i’d be wrong to assume that those feelings could also cross over into how he is perceived on a personal level as well. this is just speculatory on my end so feel free to disagree, but i wouldn’t be surprised if this manifested in a “self-fulfilling prophecy” type of way in his life, where he already has these feelings of inadequacy, and despite the adoration and praise he receives, he might hear the handful of people saying ‘he’s untalented, he’s unattractive, he’s x, y, and z,’ and internalize that instead because it reinforces a narrative he’s been familiar with his whole life. 

and let me reiterate, i know this is a damn near 50-year-old man we’re talking about, he’s been working at this whole life, he knows what comes with the territory, and if he had a choice between this and living a normal life like the rest of us, i’d put money on him not choosing the latter. at the end of the day, people with this aspect have to work towards not worrying about always being “right” or being perceived in an accomplished and positive light 24/7. once they get to a point where they actually alleviate the pressure they put on themselves, they’ll end up finding that they don’t tend to run into as many obstacles, as they realize a lot of those “obstacles” are self-imposed. everything with them boils down to feeling what it is that they deserve. it doesn’t matter how “liked” they are from others, it will always take them convincing themselves that they are worthy and deserving of love and respect, from those around them but most importantly from themselves.

that’s the end of my ted talk lmfao, if anyone has any of the placements or aspects mentioned in this post i’d love to hear how it personally manifests in your own life and how it impacts your personality, or if anyone has anything to add in general feel free to reach out and let me know! 

[olderthannetfic]

I don't trust any argument that refers to a counterargiment as "whataboutism".

Basically all activism is rooted in asking "What about XYZ minority, which is overlooked or misrepresented by existing policies or attitudes?"

You can't dismiss an argument as irrelevant because it asks how your stance would effect a group you hadn't considered, you have to dig into why it's irrelevant. Otherwise you get things like "everyone must do thing X to support demographic Y" and someone else goes "thing X creates unnecessary hardship for demographic Z" and gets dismissed as irrelevant and trying to distract from the conversation. Well, maybe demographic Z is also underserved, maybe you should consider how your policies will negatively impact them, maybe, just maybe, we should try to find a solution that helps both demographic Y and Z.

Yes, sometimes people do bring up irrelevant demographics just to pull a "gotcha!", but far more often I see the term "whataboutism" used to priortize one minority over another. Someone gonig "What about Black women?" in response to feminism that paints women as single a monolithic White woman is probably not trolling. Someone asking "What about trans people?" is not trying to distract everyone from an important point when your proposed insurance policy would leave them uninsurable.

--

Fair, but if it's nitpicking someone else's fic AU or something, it's probably in the irrelevant category.

[frankencanon]

jiang cheng sees dead people au

after everything, jiang cheng finds himself experiencing frequent minor qi deviations — not that anyone realizes, since most of the time zidian will discharge the excess volatile qi to stop the qi deviation in its tracks before it can get too severe.¹

unfortunately, so many minor qi deviations have had a negative effect on his mental health — specifically, the worst problem would arguably be the hallucinations of his dead family.

it was something that started small but slowly got worse — at first, just whispers of speech that sounded eerily like his parents... eventually, full-on vivid hallucinations of his entire family — his parents, his sister, even his brother...

astonishingly, there actually is a possibility for a cure — it wouldn't be easy, and it wouldn't be quick, but there exists a solid chance...

alas! jiang cheng refuses to even consider it. he knows he should, but he simply cannot bring himself to — not when this is the closest thing to his family that he has left.

and sure, he has jin ling! but jin ling is naught but a baby at this point — he treasures him, of course, its his only sister's son afterall! but as much as it sickens him to admit, he would forfeit that little baby's life in an instant if it would get him his family back... even just one of them.

but time goes by, and jiang cheng grows to love jin ling as a son — as unwilling to give him up as he would be with jiang yanli herself.

but the thing about raising a baby, is that you don't really filter yourself around them. afterall, why would you? it's not like they're going to remember any of this anyway, not when they're still this small.

but. but. the act of not filtering yourself around a specific person... it can be habit forming. you can forget yourself. when alone with them, you can completely forget that you would normally censor these things around other people. afterall! you've never stopped yourself from doing it around them ever before!

this is all to say this: jin ling grows up with an uncle (father) who talks to people who aren't there.

over the years, there's a lot of confusion over it — times when jin ling thought, maybe, that he was talking to their ghosts... until he gets a little older, and actually learns about ghosts and how they work, and realizes that it can't be that...

he never asks his uncle about it, because ever since he was small any time that he would try to mention it or bring it up, his uncle would get angry and defensive; he would lie and insist that jin ling had heard wrong, that he hadn't been talking to anyone, that he had no idea what he was talking about...

eventually jin ling learned to stop asking... but he never stopped wondering. afterall, how could he? when jiang cheng would address those not-ghosts as a-die, a-niang, a-jie, and — most damning of all — wei wuxian.

he got older. his uncle stopped denying it, but would still avoid any questions about what they were...

(jiang cheng didn't want to admit to his nephew that his dear uncle was crazy and saw dead people... didn't want to worry him...)

but as time passed he slowly eased up enough that jin ling could mention it sometimes, offhand and casual-like... say things like, "is grandmother bothering you again?" or "you should listen to mom more!"

(jin ling may not know their personalities first hand, but he can infer things based off of what his uncle would say and how he'd re/act, the faces he'd make...)

time passed by, and he got older. eventually, jin ling learned what was wrong with his uncle. he learned about hallucinations and what they were, how they worked... he understood that the people his uncle saw and spoke to weren't real, they weren't there...

but he didn't do anything. afterall, uncle had always been like this and he seemed fine. some of the hallucinations bothered him, sure (*cough* madame yu *cough*) but others... jin ling can't even imagine trying to take jiang yanli, his mother, away from jiang cheng...

he knew about what caused the hallucinations, too — afterall, how could he not? jiang cheng raised him and would frequently endeavor to spend as much time with him as possible. it's only inevitable that eventually, one day, he would witness his uncle having a qi deviation.

it would either have to be during a time when he wasn't wearing zidian so the spiritual weapon could not ease his qi — perhaps while sleeping or bathing? — or the qi deviation would have to be severe enough that it overpowered zidian's attempts to mitigate it.

during this time, jin ling would finally find out about his uncle's frequent minor qi deviations. maybe it was while he was trying to sleep or bathe, and so when jin ling sees/shows up/happens upon him, jiang cheng has to ask his nephew — through gritted teeth slick with blood — to bring him zidian, quickly.

jin ling would watch as jiang cheng slid zidian on and it immediately started sparking harsher than he'd ever seen it do before. and he would be concerned, of course, that the sparks would hurt his uncle — and so to stop him from ripping it back off, jiang cheng would then have to go through the mortifying ordeal of admitting to your nephew that you secretly suffer from frequent minor qi deviations.

and of course, after that, jin ling would never be able to forget. and so any time he saw zidian going haywire with wild sparks, he would assume (correctly) that his uncle's qi was veering into the danger zone, and so out of fear for his uncle's safety and sanity he would do his absolute best to help his uncle calm down before he hurt himself.

of course, this gets interpreted incorrectly by outsiders — they see sect leader jiang getting pissed off, zidian throwing off sparks, and they see little jin ling frantically trying to calm his uncle down, fear clear in his eyes... it doesn't paint a good picture, suffice to say.

for years and years and years, no one outside of jin ling is aware of jiang cheng's struggles with hallucinations and qi deviations — right up until one day, wei wuxian is raised from the dead.

and, well... it's one thing to try to hide something from strangers — but siblings? they're a lot harder to fool.

(that's not entirely true — jin ling may know the most, and he may be the only one that jiang cheng is even semi-open about it with — but he's far from the only one to ever suspect anything, to notice anything. the closer a disciple is to jiang cheng, the higher up they are, and/or the more they interact with him, the more likely they are to know something is up — to notice the little things jiang cheng does that he thinks no one notices... but they do — they do notice. they just... choose not to say anything. to trust in their sect leader, who has yet to ever lead them astray.

...but they're not the only ones to notice something's up, and unfortunately the next person is a lot less nice... afterall, what with jin ling and all it is only inevitable that jiang cheng will end up spending a fair amount of time with jin guangyao... and, well... let's just say that the scene in the temple goes a lot differently in this au — what with all of the additional secrets jin guangyao has undoubtedly been gathering on jiang cheng...

maybe this is when wei wuxian and et all finally find out. maybe wei wuxian's been suspecting for some time that something's up with jiang cheng but he couldn't put his finger on quite what...

until jin guangyao unflinchingly announces it in front of everyone in the temple, without hesitation. he's been waiting to use this information, this blackmail, for a while now... and finally, the opportunity has arisen.)

---

¹idea for jiang cheng's qi deviations and zidian's effect on them from anonkun's "hating the hand life has dealt us" on ao3 (strongly recommend)

(it's a sort-of crossover fic with svsss about the og shen jiu being reincarnated as jiang cheng except when jiang cheng regains his memories of being shen jiu he flat out rejects them to the point of accidentally developing a sort of dissociative identity disorder where he sees himself and shen jiu as two separate people just inhabiting the same body)

[kireijae]

ldh. 12:39am

pairing: haechan x fem!reader

genre: borderline smut, fluff? i think ?, established relationship

warnings: mentions of alcohol. again, borderline smut minors pls go to the top right corner and hit that exit button👍🏻; smut warnings: petnames (princess), dacryphilia mention, dom!haechan, begging. no smut actually happens though i-

a/n: casually dressed haechan makes me casually a wh— also this is as close to smut as i’ve ever got pls be kind to me (still not edited though oop) and again, inspired by ‘fill it up’

♡‧₊˚ ↴

haechan had no right to look that good. light brown cargo pants and a too-big 127 shirt could never look that good on anyone else.

it was the way he sat with his legs spread on the couch across the table from you. the way he leaned back on the armrest and looked down at you from your place on the floor. a cushion was placed under you for comfort, but honestly you’d rather have used the pink haired boy as a cushion.

the watch on his wrist had an effect on you too. all clunky; making the delicacy of his hands and fingers stand out.

he wasn’t saying much, but everything he did say was like honey. if the other 8 boys hadn’t been there you would have jumped his bones long ago.

“haechan,” taeil called, “are you gonna drink?”

“uhh i’ll have some soju, yeah,” he responded.

“joining the competition?” taeyong asked, raising his eyebrows teasingly.

haechan made a sound as if to say ‘of course’ but he looked over at you. your eyes were dark and not only from the low lighting of the room. he knew that look and if he drank he knew he’d never get to see what caused it. drunk haechan was sleepy haechan.

“i’m good actually,” he said, looking back to taeyong, “i have schedules tomorrow.”

“scared?” taeyong quipped, making the whole group, including you, burst out laughing.

haechan laughed along and didn’t say anything back to taeyong, letting the moment slide passed. he knew he could out drink everyone there. except maybe johnny. so he didn’t feel the need to defend himself.

as everyone began to sag into their tipsiness, you got up got a soda from the fridge behind the group. both to keep your hands busy and to have an excuse to go sit near (or on) your boyfriend. yuta was half asleep, his body slung back on the couch so it wasn’t awkward when you sat in haechan’s lap despite their close proximity on the sofa.

haechan’s arm slid around your waist and his face found its way into your neck.

“are you sleepy?” he asked lowly, still gently rubbing your skin with the tip of his nose and his plump lips.

“mm-mm,” you hummed in the negative.

over the next half hour each of the others went off to sleep. first mark, then taeyong once he’d got over his talkative drunk phase. the others followed suit soon after, leaving yuta on the sofa. it was impossible to wake him up and move him when he was out like that.

“come, baby,” haechan whispered to you, patting your side to get you to stand up.

the two of you migrated to your room in the house. your skin began to tingle as haechan closed and then locked the door to the room.

he walked over to sit on the bed and pulled you to stand between his legs. you went further than he had intended, though, and crawled into his lap, straddling him.

“what got you so worked up, huh?” he asked, looking into your eyes. they were still as dark as before, likely moreso.

“what do you mean?” you feigned innocence, knowing it got him riled up in the perfect way.

“you know,” he pulled your torso closer to his, “you were staring at me, my hands, my legs, my lips…”

“i’m not allowed to look at you?” you moved your hands from their position on his biceps and placed your arms around his neck.

“not like that,” haechan leaned in, placing his lips on yours roughly. the kiss contrasted with the way you’d both been going about this. it was hot, heavy, sloppy. not smooth and cautious as your flirting and hinting had been.

he pulled your hips directly onto his making you grind yourself on him. you hummed into his mouth at finally getting some friction after so long.

the two of you made out for a while, letting the tension rise more and more with each action. he pushed his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing every once in a while. you pushed your hands under his shirt, feeling his stomach and gliding your hands up to his shoulders, pulling his shirt up in the process.

“take it off please,” you whined between kisses.

“i’d be able to if you stopped kissing me,” he shot back, smiling into your mouth before pulling away and pulling his shirt off.

“these too,” you stuck two of your fingers past the waistband of his pants and pulled lightly.

haechan pulled you closer again, into another kiss. you nearly forgot your request as he moved his kisses down to your jawline, then your neck. all while his hands heightened the buzzing need in your body by rubbing your sides through your clothes.

“i wanna taste you first, princess.”

you whined, “i’m wet enough already. please, hyuckie.”

“exactly, baby. that’s why i wanna taste.”

before the words could properly sink into your lust dulled mind, you were on your back. haechan pulled your jeans and underwear off your legs and began kissing your thighs.

“please hyuckie,” you said again, whining getting louder, “do something.”

“ask one more time,” he said cockily, pausing all ministrations to listen to your request.

“please, hyuck. make me feel good.”

“one more,” a smirk grew on his face.

“please!” you were sure you could be heard on the other side of the door. “i’ll cry if you don’t do something.”

haechan’s smirk grew wider.

“and you’ll cry if i do.”

♡‧₊˚