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xxpadfootxx · 4 years

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🐾Green Tea & Cherry Blossoms Are a Good Mix (Part 1/2)🐾

Summary: Ochako is now happily married to Izuku and has a solid spot as the number four hero where she has been able to help people every day for years. Trying to catch up with her fellow hero friends one day, Ochako very suddenly realizes that her life is about to change in the largest way possible. Aka, Izuku comes home to one hell of a surprise.

~~~

Being a hero came with a lot of responsibilities, so many responsibilities that it made it hard for them to hang up the cape and live just as normal people. Ochako did not mind as she loved her job and saving people was something she had come to pride herself in but it felt nice for her to get together with her old female classmates for a rare break from the battlefield.

Momo, Ochako, Tsuyu, Jirou, Mina, and Hagakure were all sitting in Tsuyu’s nice apartment, laughing over old memories and catching up on what was new while sitting around the dining room table drinking sodas and eating small sandwiches as they used to when they were still in school.

“Speaking of valiant efforts, Ochako, you had a pretty solid win last week, didn’t you? Against that shape-shifting villain who could turn into any person, animal or object, right?” Jirou said, twirling one of her earphone jacks with her finger as she continued their conversation about their recent victories against the villains ravaging the city.

Ochako started to fiddle with the edges of her hair and cast her eyes down at the ground shyly. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. Any of you could have easily pummeled him into the ground, probably better than I did, I just happened to be there when he attacked.”

“Oh don’t be so modest, Ochako!” Mina said, placing a hand on her shoulder and smiling widely. “That guy was a real beast! You aren’t known as the number four hero for nothing!”

Ochako blushed at her friend’s words and took another bite out of her sandwich. She loved being the number four hero but being referred to as such always made her embarrassed. She didn’t always like the labels because even though she had worked tooth and nail after her incident with the metallic villain when she was still in school to become the greatest hero she could possibly be, she sometimes felt as if her friends deserved that title more. Even so, none of them treated her any differently, and she loved being able to comfortably talk to them, no matter how many titles were slapped on their names.

“Alright, can I change the topic for a moment?” Hagakure asked from her corner of the dining table, sipping her drink and wiping away the residue with the back of her hand.

“Sure, what’s up?” Momo asked, all of the girls turning to Hagakure.

“I wanted to announce something so drumroll please!” The invisible hero chirped and drummed her fingers on the dark oak wood of the table. “I’m getting married!”

“WHAT!?” All of the girls rose simultaneously and went over to congratulate their good friend who was smiling and laughing brightly as she accepted their hugs and pats on the back.

“So Ojiro proposed?” Mina squealed, her eyes shining.

“Yeah, Mashi took me out to dinner like a week ago and he was acting all strange. He kept fidgeting and his tail kept accidentally hitting people when they passed our booth so I finally asked him what was going on and he got down on one knee! I was so happy, I’ve been waiting all week to tell you girls about it!”

The girls all patted her back and gave her hugs once more, congratulating the invisible girl all over again on her new engagement. Finally, they all settled back down and began to eat and talk again.

“Speaking of Ojiro, how is he doing? What has he been up to? I feel like I haven’t seen any of the guys in forever.” Mina said, collapsing back into her chair and taking a swig of her sprite.

“He’s doing really well actually! He’s been out of town for a while, he had to leave the day after he proposed to me but he is coming back today!”

“Deku is out of town too,” Ochako piped up from in between Momo and Tsuyu. “He is going to be back within the next few days but he had a conference to attend to with some of the other top heroes. Todoroki and Bakugo are there as well, right Momo?” Ochako asked.

“Yeah they are, Shouto left last week to go pick up Bakugo from his house. Apparently, he lost his driver’s license again due to trying to blow up a guy for rear-ending him. My husband doesn’t mind though, they still have their differences but Shouto knows how to ignore it and despite his still crazy demeanor, Bakugo has matured quite a bit since high school,” Momo said.

“That’s true,” Ochako said. “Kirishima has really gotten Bakugo to calm down hasn’t he?”

“I just love that couple!” Mina said, putting her hand together and raising them to the side of her face as she gushed. “Who knew that Bakugo would be such a sucker for that red-haired hero?”

“Yeah,” Ochako chuckled and took another bite of her sandwich. That was when she felt it. She had been feeling a little queasy lately, and she had thrown up earlier that morning but her head had felt clear and she didn’t have a temperature so she had taken some aspirin and ignored it. But now a wave of nausea suddenly and forcefully washed over her and she dropped both her glass and her sandwich on the ground, rushing for the nearest bathroom. She heard her name being called but she ignored it as she sped around the corner and slid to a stop on her knees in front of the toilet. Thankfully, the lid was already up and so Ochako was able to make it before throwing up. Her body felt suddenly feverish and her hands were sweaty as she vomited into the water. The moment brought her back to a time in high school, when she had just come back to school after being in the hospital for a few weeks following the attack of a villain. The memory caused her to shiver as she remembered the horrible trauma it had caused, how she had felt so alone and weak and scared. That is until Deku had shown up out of the blue and had talked to her, calming her and holding her hair back as she relived her horrors in the form of being sick in the middle of the night. Even just the thought of Deku made her feel calmer, and by the time she was done throwing up, she felt less shaky.

“Ochako! Are you alright?” Tsuyu asked, peering her head in the doorway with a worried look on her face. Ochako flushed the toilet and stood up on wobbly legs, holding onto the counter for support and faced her friends with a shaky smile.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I have no idea what that was, but it’s been going on for some time now.”

“The vomiting?” Momo asked.

“Yeah. Every morning it’s as if a new sickness has washed over my body but then it is gone by around noon or so! Every day for the past week I’ve been feeling really strange.”

“Why don’t you come and sit down?” Tsuyu asked, motioning with her hand toward the hallway. Ochako nodded and padded out of the bathroom, her friends helping to support her to lay down on the couch. She sat down and already started to feel the effects of the incident fade away, her limbs regaining strength and her breaths becoming more consistent again. Mina walked over to Ochako and handed her a glass of water, concern filling her pretty black eyes.

“Are you sure you are alright?” Jirou asked.

“I think I’m fine,” Ochako said, taking a sip of water and rubbing her face. “I can already feel it receding, I’m just really confused.”

“Did you say this only happens in the morning, Ochako?” Momo asked.

“Yeah, I don’t know what it is.”

Momo put a hand to her chin as she thought, her mind wandering until her brain finally clasped onto a solution. Her face paled and then she blushed a furious red.

“Hey Ochako, can I ask a really personal question?”

“Um, sure, what’s up Momo?”

Momo blushed even redder and rubbed the back of her head nervously.

“Have you and Izuku ever…” Momo cleared her throat and forced herself to look at Ochako.

“Have you and Izuku ever had sex?”

Ochako had taken a sip of water, not expecting the question to be THAT personal and ended up choking on it once the words hit her.

“W-What!?”

Momo blushed again and the other girls tried to suppress the little giggles that were surfacing due to the situation.

“I’m sorry it was so dramatic but I really need to know, I might be able to figure out what has been happening with you.”

Ochako swallowed and blushed a bright red.

“Well, we have been married for about two years so yes, we have had s-sex a few times.”

“Was it unprotected?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Was it unprotected?” Momo asked again, her brow furrowed.

“Why do you want to know!?”

Momo sighed and rubbed her arms.

“As you know, Ochako, I have two young twin boys and so I have been getting some experience with them as well as doing lots of research.”

“Alright, so what does this have to do with me throwing up every morning?” Ochako asked, her brows knitting together and her teeth gently teasing her bottom lip nervously.

“Ochako,” Momo said, kneeling down in front of her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’m bringing up my sons because I believe that you are showing some similar symptoms with what I experienced.”

Tsuyu placed a hand over her mouth and Mina’s eyes began to shine with excitement.

“What do you mean?” Ochako asked softly, the idea of what Momo was getting at starting to sink in.

“This is just a theory but I have a slight suspicion that what you are experiencing is morning sickness,” Momo took a deep breath and looked at Ochako with shining eyes and a wide smile.

“I think you’re pregnant.”

Ochako sputtered and her eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“Holy shit, you think that I’m… I’m… going to have a b-baby?”

“Well, I think you should take a pregnancy test, alright Ochako? Don’t jump to conclusions or anything, I just think that you are showing a lot of the same things that I experienced when I found out I was expecting the boys,” Momo said.

Ochako felt her head begin to spin. A baby? I mean, she had always wanted a family with Izuku but they were always so busy, constantly working to save people and battle villains. The more she thought about it, the more worried she became. Would he be happy? Worried? Unhappy? Upset? Anxious? Angry? Ochako was getting more and more worked up and had to force herself to take a deep breath and calm down. She closed her eyes and allowed her anxiety and insecurities to melt away. She was the number four hero, she could handle anything.

“Alright, I’ll take the test to be sure,” Ochako said.

“Oh my god, Ochako!” Mina squealed, her eyes bright and shining. “What if you really are? That would be SO amazing! A little baby IzuOcha running around!”

“Are you late Ochako? I knew I was expecting when that happened to me,” Tsuyu said thoughtfully. Ochako looked at everyone and smiled.

“I don’t know anything for sure, but I’m happy to know that I have all of you to support me no matter what.”

“Of course!” Hagakure said cheerfully.

“Hell yeah! I call being the cool aunt!” Mina called happily.

“Guys, I don’t actually know anything yet!” Ochako said but everyone seemed to ignore her as they all laughed and beamed at their friend. Tsuyu’s phone suddenly chimed and the frog girl paused to glance at the notification on her screen.

“Oh, Fumikage is coming home from the grocery store with the kids, you guys are welcome to stay but I am going to start cleaning up some of this stuff so that it’s not so cluttered when they get home,” Tsuyu said, placing her phone back in her pocket.

“Thanks, Tsu, all of you actually, for the catch-up day but I, uh, guess I have some other priorities to sort through at the moment,” Ochako said sheepishly. The other women nodded at her with bright smiles and waved to her as she stood up from the couch and made her way to the door with her bag slung over her shoulder.

“Text us updates!” Mina called out behind Ochako just as she shut the door and began to make her way to the nearest pharmacy.

________________________________

Ochako paced ceaselessly in the main living room of the large, spacious flat she and her husband shared. He wasn’t supposed to come home for the next two days or so but she still couldn’t help but feel nervous. The pregnancy test from the pharmacy had proven Momo’s theory 100% correct and an appointment at the doctor’s office confirmed it even more.

She was having a baby. Izuku’s baby. She was going to be a mother and he was going to be a father. Ochako placed her hands gently on her still very flat stomach, feeling her strong abs rather than the swell of a baby belly. She knew that feeling would change with time but it still felt different. Now that she knew, she felt as if she could already feel the swell despite it not existing yet. She turned towards the large windows in their living space, gazing out across a more rural part of the city where they lived. Both Izuku and Ochako needed to be close to where all of the crime was but also enjoyed the peaceful serenity that came from being farther away from the heart of the city and so had chosen an expansive apartment complex to live in that was not too expensive, and that sat on the edge of the city, but still gave them access to lightning-fast train routes that took them to the heart of the crime when necessary. Her eyes scanned the distant buildings and settled on the bright pink flowers of the Cherry Blossom trees down below her. The beautiful trees swayed in the breeze and made her feel just a little bit calmer about the whole situation.

She was so deep in thought that she did not hear the door open. Izuku was about to call out her name when he saw her watching out the window wistfully, one her hands raised to her face to absentmindedly nibble on her fingertips. She was so beautiful, even when she was doing nothing more than just staring out of a window, she just looked so perfect. Izuku’s heart swelled with his immense love for his wife, his eyes beginning to water at the perfect image of his wife watching the world, the sun glimmering through the glass to leave little diamond-shaped speckles to shimmer off of her chocolatey brown hair. She was wearing a slightly cropped pink t-shirt and white shorts that cupped her nicely and allowed her strong thighs to stand out prominently. Izuku noticed she was barefoot, so he quietly took his own shoes and socks off at the door and crept up behind her.

Ochako let out a frightened squeal when she first felt those strong, solid arms wrap gently around her waist but when she whipped her head around and saw her husband home two days early, her face brightened up immediately, seeming to lighting up the entire room.

“Zuku!!! You’re home early!” Ochako exclaimed, turning around the rest of the way and launching into his arms to give him a proper hug. Izuku chuckled against her and placed his chin on her head as she snuggled her face into his neck.

“I missed you,” Izuku said softly, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. She giggled when he kissed her and kissed him on the cheek back, her smile widening at the sight of him.

“I missed you too,” he murmured.

Izuku leaned down to kiss her cheek again, a small peck, but then paused and leaned down one last time, this time dragging out the kiss and even flicking just the tip of his tongue out to ghost it across her flesh.

“Zuku…” Ochako groaned as he repeated the action but on her neck this time. “Zuku, you just got home, stooooop.”

“I don’t mind,” Izuku muttered in a low voice. “In fact, that’s what makes me want you even more, I haven’t gotten to touch you or hug you for over a week, I need to recharge myself.”

Ochako almost gave in, her heart aching with her love for this man when all of a sudden everything came rushing back. Two days. He came home two days early. Which meant that she had two days less than before to think of ways to properly tell her husband everything.

“Wait! Wait, Zuku, I have to talk to you first,” Ochako said quickly stopping him from continuing to kiss her any lower on her body.

“Ochako, is everything alright?”

Ochako nodded quickly. “Nothing is wrong, it’s just…”

Ochako took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“Something happened while you were gone, or at least, I realized something had happened while you were gone and now I don’t know how to tell you about it. I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’ve been stressing out about it for the past three days.”

Izuku raised his hands to very lightly grip her shoulders. Lightly, lovingly pressing his lips to hers he allowed her to relax a little.

“You can tell me anything, alright ‘Chako?” Izuku whispered to her when he had pulled away.

Ochako nodded and met his gaze, setting her resolve and taking a deep breath.

“Izuku, I… I’m… I’m pregnant.”

Izuku said nothing at first and Ochako closed her eyes, fearing the worst.

He was upset. He hated her. He hated the baby. He wanted to leave her. He wasn’t ready to be a father. He was angry at her. She knew it was irrational but the thoughts kept shoving past her common sense anyway, flooding her brain and even bringing tears to her eyes. She was about ready to cry or snap at him or do something when he stunned her with the most passionate kiss she had ever felt. Her eyes snapped open and then closed again but more relaxed as he kissed her as if she were the air he needed to live. When they broke apart they were both out of breath but Izuku’s eyes were shining with wonder.

“You-You’re having a b-baby!?”

Ochako nodded, the tears in her eyes now turning to joyful ones and sliding down her cheeks as she took in his reaction. Tears of his own were sliding down his cheeks and his entire face was ablaze with a bright red blush.

Izuku launched at her and gripped her waist, lifting her into the air and spinning her in a circle three times. When he set her down, his whole demeanor seemed to make him almost glow with pride and happiness.

“It-It’s mine? It’s really mine?”

“Yes yes!! Of course! There is no one else’s it could be! You are my one and only Izuku, always.”

“Oh!” Izuku said, his eyes widening slightly in alarm. “I did not mean in any way to suggest you were being unfaithful, I just…” He sighed. “It just all feels so surreal to me. I finally get to have what I have always wanted with the woman of my dreams? How the hell did I get so damn lucky!?” Izuku said in awe.

Ochako felt her heart squeeze somehow ever tighter and she nearly tackled him into a kiss full of passion equal to the one he had given her.

“You are not the only lucky one.”

Suddenly, Izuku really started to cry. He placed his head in his hands and his whole frame began to shake with silent sobs. Alarm coursed through Ochako and she immediately knelt down to meet her husband who had slid to the floor.

“Zuku? What’s wrong!?”

Izuku sniffled a few times before turning his tear-streaked face to look at her. Raising one of his scarred hands to cup her cheek, his thumb lightly caressing her skin.

“I just, I just remembered everything from that night. The night I almost lost you,” Izuku said. Although the pair had been through many hardships together as heroes rising through the ranks, many of which had resulted in near-death experiences, Ochako immediately knew which one he was talking about. The night with the metallic villain that had kidnapped her. The night she had actually died but been brought back to life at the last second by none other than the man sobbing on her floor.

“I remembered how when I thought you were gone forever, how my mind played through not only every memory I had with you but also every memory I wanted to share with you but that I thought I never could. The memories of getting married and going on dates and kissing each other. One of the scenes that played through my mind at that moment was of this.” Izuku said softly. “It was a scene of being told I was going to be a father. At the time, I didn’t know why I thought of that and I thought it was never going to happen, even if you did manage to come back. But you did and now, I am living what I thought was mere fantasy.” Izuku’s shaking had decreased in force but he was still trembling against the comforting grasp of the woman he adored.

“Izuku Midoriya,” Ochako said loudly and confidently.

“Yeah?” Izuku asked, looking up into his wife’s determined features.

“You are going to be a father. But not just any father, you are going to be the father to our child. You and me. And damn it you are going to be the best father to ever live,” Ochako said beaming.

Izuku stared at her in shock for a small moment before breaking down all over again, joy radiating from him.

“Chako?” Izuku hiccuped.

“Hm?”

“Thank you, you are the greatest gift I could’ve ever asked for.”

#mha fanfiction #mha #bnha fanfiction #bnha #izuku x uraraka #ochako x izuku #izuocha-fanfic #IzuOcha #izuku midoriya #urakara ochako #ochadeku #ochako #dekuchako #deku #uravity #my hero academia fanfic #my hero academia

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Whistling in the school halls (The Big, Big Bang, Part 2.)

Series summary: Sometimes, you might feel lonely in the entirety of the universe; of all of the stars, planets and constellations… Until it comes. The big bang that turns the world upside down, the reason why all the stars collide and why you, in the first place, are alive.

Part summary: Walking back to Hogwarts always feel like coming home - whether you are a student, a teacher or a member of the staff... As you hoped soon to be.

A/N: I am back... For now; I hope I won’t get any other obsession for at least a week.

Word count: 2.6 K

Tagging: @notaliteraltoad

Series playlist: H E R E

Series masterlist: H E R E

A few days ago:

Life of a freshly-out-of-school wizard in England could get pretty harsh. Especially when you didn't train to be one of the Ministry's office rats and had chosen a different path you wanted to walk in your life. Since you did know from the very start you might not be suitable for the coolest wizard occupation, which was an Auror obviously, you didn't even raise your personal bar that high. When your house professor asked you what you'd like to be doing (it was on one of the profession-regarding interviews when they told you on which OWLs you should be concentrating on), you sat there for a moment before you started to laugh hysterically. And you weren't able to stop yourself for at least a minute before you told them that you didn't know.

For some time, you've been quite interested in being a news writer; a smaller office for a smaller magazine full of not-so-well-known editors sounded about right. Then, you've tried to convince yourself that you'd be a pretty good Quidditch commentator and told your professor about considering a radio-related career. But then you realized - no, that wasn't your stick either. And that was how it went until one evening, you helped madame Pomfrey with one of your ill classmates on the Infirmary. And she notices it too - your knowledge about various illnesses and wounds wasn't bad at all and you had just the right amount of tolerance and strictness to go big in this career.

It was the first time when you didn't start laughing at the profession-related interview (you've been there more than five times since your house professor was sure you don't know what your dreamy career is). Both your OWLs and NEWTs turned out very well since you liked to learn about the topic of healing and helping others. It was just after your last school year when you wrote Dumbledore a letter, asking him if he'd consider taking you under madame Pomfrey's wings as an apprentice (madame was obviously informed about this question beforehand). And while Dumbledore, during one of his many Infamatory visits) told you that he thinks you're not quite ready just yet, he told you that after taking a three-years-long period of training in a hospital facility of any sorts, he will gladly take you as an apprentice and more, if you'd be a great addition, he'd lend you a job as the second nurse at the Hogwarts Infirmary.

Madame Pomfrey, like everyone else, was slowly growing older and it was handy to have a second nurse on hand, in any case, anything would go bad (and as everyone knew, the Quidditch matches could get a bit messy, so it would definitely help to have two paramedics inside the school). He also said that it will be a pleasant change for the students, to have someone fairly young around, so they could maybe talk to you about more personal matters.

And as Dumbledore advised you, you did. For a time, you travelled around Europe and got various medical-paramedics gigs in hospitals all around the continent - you've been working in a school in Romania, in a hospital in France, a Quidditch paramedic at Scotland... In the end, the list you've sent Dumbledore was quite impressive, to say the least. You've done quite a lot in the past three years; jobs other wizards would be rightfully proud of as well. You've attached the long list and recommendations along to a letter you've sent to Dumbledore from the Netherlands, where you've been working as a personal paramedic to an old witch who could barely walk and waited for the response.

In any case, you knew you'll have a job - yet you hoped that Dumbledore would give you a job as one of the Hogwarts staff members. If he wouldn't, you also sent your CV to St Mungo's in London who told you almost immediately that they had a few jobs to offer you if you'd be interested. The old lady you've been taking care of had found another wizard to watch over her as you tensely controlled the owl post every single day.

It almost seemed that Dumbledore not only won't give you a chance but that he forgot about you altogether. You've sent the letter at the start of the summer, filled with high hopes. These slowly faded away during August and at the start of September, you simply knew you'll have to take the job at St Mungo. It wasn't a bad job at all, you didn't mean that, yet there was something particular about Hogwarts... The school have you so much happy memories, friends, experience and the happiest time of your entire life. It felt like home and you wished you could repay the school everything that it had taught you and what it had given to you. In many ways, it felt like home and you'd do anything just to get back there.

The day when the letter came was a cold one with one of these grey-like where the skies are black to describe it the best and when you really realize that the autumn has come. For a few days now, you've been living back at your parents - it was until you'd find yourself a small place somewhere. Your interview at St Mungo was set to happen three days later, so for now, you've been enjoying a cuppa as you sat in the kitchen of your parents' small house while listening to some radio. There was still no ideal flat, no response from Hogwarts and not a single idea about what job proposition you'll be offered in the end.

Dumbledore's approach to the situation was confusing you, to say the least - you always knew that he's a nice, calm man and this simply didn't make much sense. He'd send you at least an owl with declining your offer, right? Right? But there was dead silence from his part. As usual, your mind started spiralling into the most absurd scenarios - what if the letter wasn't delivered? What if it got lost somewhere? What if someone who wasn't supposed to read Dumbledore's personal correspondence had read it? At that moment, you cried out at the feeling of sudden pain.

Your eyes turned into a grumpy owl who was sitting in front of you. Presumably, given the expression it had in its eyes, she was sitting there for quite a moment. It had a massive letter tied up to its claw and it was shifting weight as it waited for you to pay it any attention. Where did it come from was no mystery; the window behind you was open widely. And from whom it was was no question either - you'd recognize the green ink and heavy envelope anywhere. With shaky fingers, you paid the owl and sent it off, sitting down to read the letter. Before you opened it up, you mumbled a short prayer; you hoped that Dumbledore will still accept your offer and that he might invite you to his school as a paramedic apprentice.

As you read the neat, curvy handwriting, your brain couldn't quite wrap itself around it. You had to read it out loud for a few times before your mind realized that 'I would like to invite you for an interview in my office, tomorrow at noon. I sincerely hope that it is not too late - I was travelling for the whole summer and got to my mail just recently. With regards...' meant that you still had a chance of getting the job you'd like to keep one day.

Just like he asked you, you got ready for the interview tomorrow, telling both your parents about it as soon as they got back from work. As it usually is, you prepared everything the evening before, making sure you will make it on time. And you did make it on time... Until you apparated in Hogsmeade and got carried away with all of the cool stores in there. At first, you were sure that you had a lot of time on your hand... Half an hour in Honeydukes couldn't hurt anyone, right? This was why an hour later, you've been running on the forest road connecting Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, barely catching your breath. You could just walk there and enjoy it, but you had to forget to check your watch, hadn't you?

When you entered the long-ass bridge leading to the school, you had barely five minutes on your hands. And a grey sweater that suddenly felt too warm for your liking. Damn, you hadn't run as quickly for some time and you were maybe about to pass out just in front of Dumbledore's door. You chanted that the password is 'Sherbet Lemon', but what was that good for when you wouldn't have enough breath to squeal it at the gargoyle? To make the manners even better, you poked two girls in the courtyard, accidentally making them fall on the ground. As soon as you started to say sorry, they just laughed it off as they got up. - "I am so sorry! I will buy you a lollipop or something!" - You cried out, getting mentally prepared for the last stop of your race - the endless staircases of Hogwarts. You've yelled a breathless greeting at everyone you knew and stormed in front of the gargoyle.

"Sherbet Lemon! Sherbet-!" - You cried breathlessly. The stone statue looked at you with caution, almost asking you if you were doing alright, but in the end, it moved away and let you in. The wall disappeared as well, showing you yet another staircase. You've been ten minutes late because you had to stop now and then to take a breath. Your skin was glistening with sweat, you couldn't breathe normally and your knees were all shaky as you knocked on principal's door. It opened up without hesitation, letting you into the small circular room. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, sending you a graceful smile as you tried not to pass out on him.

"I... Am... So... Sorry... Professor..." - Immediately, you've sat into one of the big plushy chairs, smiling back at him. - "I... Lost... The track... Of time back in Honeydukes. It's totally my fault." - Once again, you sat straight and pushed your back more into the chair as you tried to present yourself in a bit flattering way.

"Oh, Honeydukes, you say?" - Dumbledore asked with a small smile, signing some papers while he talked to you. - "I am not surprised, Honeydukes have always been my favourite place in Hogsmeade." - The man smiled and you nodded at what he had said, trying to read into his words, tone and actions. As far as you could say, he wasn't mad at you - which was a good sign. It could also be caused by the both-sided faux pas; first, he wrote you back after an entire of the month and you came later than you were supposed - that was kind of vetoing everything, wasn't it? - "So, dearest miss Y/L/N... Tell me..." - At that moment, you've been expecting a somewhat professional question that would ask "Why do you want to work in this school?" or "What is your expertise?" and "What makes you believe that you're suited to get this work? It's a lot of responsibility." Instead of that, Dumbledore asked:

"How were you doing in the last couple of years? Long time, no see and as I read in your portfolio, you've been quite busy."

When you were laying in your bed, thinking about the interview, you always imagined Dumbledore being super-serious, having a straight and emotionless face and furrowing at you the whole time. Sure, he never seemed to be this particular type of a guy, but you've never spoken eye-to-eye during your school years; you've been a good student and rarely got into trouble so serious that your house headmaster would send you to Dumbledore himself. In your dreams, you imagined this will all be a huge disaster, something bad and very uncomfortable. If it would be going according to your scenario, he'd shame you and kick you out of his office because you walked inside a few minutes later. Instead of that...

"You're asking about how I've been doing?" - You could hear your voice getting a bit shaky. - "Naturally. It's the decorum and something that simply tickles my interest." - Once more, Dumbledore chuckled and checked the papers in front of his eyes, thanking the quill for writing the document for him.

"Well, I've been doing good..." - With that, a glass of fizzy soda jumped in front of you - since you weren't sure that the drink's for you, you just thanked nervously but didn't touch the glass. - "I didn't really expect the various facilities looking out for young healers. But they took me in with their arms open everywhere across Europe - it was brilliant." - "Oh, I'm glad to hear this. And even though your adventurous life, you still came back here. How comes?"

Just when Dumbledore asked you this question, something struck you. With you curiousness, you took one good look at the jolly old man sitting opposite you. Was it just your imagination or did you hear the slight flash of interest in his words? The time you tried to get this job, Dumbledore told you that you're not experienced enough - now, when you got enough experience, the headmaster was surprised to see you still trying to get the job? Maybe he thought you're better than ending up in Hogwarts? (Not that he wouldn't love the school, it was his home in the end.)

"I've been on a lot of different places and done a lot of different exciting things, but any of them was like this school, Mr Professor. This complex of buildings, the local wilderness, the people... It still feels like home. Well, I've been staying in this school for seven years after all. There won't ever be quite a place like Hogwarts to me." - At that, Dumbledore nodded with understatement. - "Of course, understandable. Most of the teachers I've talked to when hiring them, told me precisely the same thing - Hogwarts is the home they think about with love. Now, since it's quite late and soon, there will be another class of Care of Magical creatures..." - At that, the old man stopped himself and looked out of the window, searching for something. As his eyes found it, he turned his head back at you.

For a moment it could look as if he's not in the moment - that he's bored by you. Why was Dumbledore such a confusing person for you? So, was he planning on giving you the job or were you there just for the kicks? - "I read through your application and was taken away by the variety of skill you were able to gain through your stay abroad. Before we set on the agreement of employing you as the second nurse, would you like to talk about anything else?" - With that, Dumbledore put a small bundle of papers in front of you; presenting you with a contract. Without a word, you just shook your head and took it to your palms.

"Take this home, read through it and highlight the parts you'd like to talk about then. I'll see you on Friday." - With that, the old man stood up and offered you his palm, shaking yours. - "And, by the way... Would you mind taking me the big chocolate bar in Honeydukes the next time you'll be there?"

#remus lupin x fem!reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin #remus john lupin #albus dumbledore #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #harry potter #harry potter fandom #harry potter movies #harry potter books

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chokememrstark · 6 years

Text

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 7

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2746 (Chapter 7 / 12)

Fic Summary: The next day, Sam returns to the hospital hopefully, only to be faced with the horrors that the last night brought for Lucifer. He never thought he would see his classmate the way he does now, but it makes him realize that his decision to help him was the right one.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda @sassysupernaturalsweetheart @spnyoucantkeepmedown @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Sam would have loved to just stay in his bed forever and not think about anything other than sleep anymore, but he couldn't do that. He had promised Lucifer to come back today, and Raphael too, and he knew he couldn't break this promise. Too much depended on it, if he just stayed here he would be a total coward and an awful human being. So, when noon came closer, Sam pushed himself off the bed and got dressed properly.

With a duffle bag full of clothes and other necessities, as well as his laptop and the hope he was making the right decision, Sam locked the door to his room and made his way outside. He called a taxi to get to the hospital again, this time the ride was much shorter because they didn't stop to buy flowers. At the hospital Sam walked up to the info counter again, luckily facing the same young woman from the day before.

“Hello there!” she greeted him surprised. “Back for a visit?”

“For starters,” he smiled and showed her his bag. “I might stay a while, we'll see.”

“Right, doctor Francis told me! I’m really proud of you for offering your help, you are truly a wonderful young man.”

“Thank you, but it’s nothing,” Sam smiled awkwardly. He did not expect this kind of reaction.

“It’s more than most people would do,” the woman smiled back brightly. “Lucifer instructed me to let you through when you arrive, same way as yesterday.”

“Thank you.”

Sam had expected Lucifer to pick him up again, but he still remembered where they went to before luckily, so he easily found his way alone. He knocked at the door, hearing a quiet voice asking him to come in after a moment. When he did, he saw Raphael sitting upright in his bed and Lucifer laying half on his blanket, head on his arms and visibly asleep. He had to smirk at this sight. He closed the door as quiet as possible and walked over to the bed.

“Hey, Raph,” Sam whispered as the boy grinned at him. “Did your brother have a long night?”

“Dad was mean to him again,” Raphael scowled and looked at Lucifer. “He didn't get any sleep I think.”

“That's awful,” Sam said sadly and carefully carried another chair over to the bed to sit down. “Where's your little brother? Didn't he bring him over today?”

“Luci said he'll stay with friends for a while,” Raphael answered very quietly and visibly sad. “He didn't wanna tell me why. Maybe he was too tired.”

“I'm sure he'll be fine,” Sam assured the boy, but deep down he feared there was more behind it than just that. There was no reason to upset Raphael though, so he decided to ask Lucifer later and focus on his little brother for now. “What are you doing right now? Do you wanna play a game maybe?”

“Yes!” Raphael's eyes lightened up at the question. “But we have to be quiet so Luci can sleep.”

“I think we can do that,” Sam smiled.

After a bit of searching through one of the closets near the door, Sam found a memory game and a card game they could play and the two actually spent the next two hours with quiet laughter and silent victory cheers. Sam really enjoyed playing with Raphael. He was obviously really happy and excited about this new experience. They were in another round of playing cards - Sam tried to explain the basics of poker to the boy because he had asked and Raphael turned out to be a very good student - when Lucifer finally moved and slowly got up.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Raphael greeted his big brother, who looked at the two in front of them rather confused for a moment.

“Sam?” he asked before quickly hiding a yawn behind his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting destroyed by your brother,” Sam laughed and put his cards down. “He's just too good for me to win.”

“I told you, I learn fast!” Raphael grinned and put the cards together to shuffle them. “Another round?”

“Later, okay?” Sam said and looked back at Lucifer. “I hope you don't mind, we didn't wanna wake you up, so we played some games.”

“It's alright, no worries.” Lucifer yawned again, rubbing his eyes. “Do you wanna grab a coffee?”

“Sure, do you mind Raphael?” Sam asked, but the boy just shook his head.

“I still got my book, I'll be fine.” Raphael smiled.

“We won't be gone for long, promised,” Lucifer said as he got up. Sam smiled at Raphael quickly before following the blond outside of the room.

“Your brother is really sweet,” Sam said as he followed Lucifer down into the cantina, to which the other simply nodded. Only after they got two strong coffees and sat down somewhere, Lucifer spoke again.

“Sorry for that, the sleeping thing, I mean.” Lucifer groaned and gulped down a huge sip of steaming brown liquid. “I didn't know you were coming over so early. I was just so damn tired, I guess I passed out.”

“Don't apologize, you needed some sleep,” Sam assured Lucifer and took a sip of his coffee too. “Raph and I had quite some fun together, it's alright.”

“Thanks for entertaining him a bit, I think he really misses company sometimes.”

“He got you at least, I'm sure he appreciates that.”

Lucifer sighed, but didn't answer. Sam thought he knew why. A brother was nice, but it was different from actually having friends and that seemed to get to Lucifer quite hard. He didn't want this for his brother and Sam understood. Just the thought of Dean being in a similar situation without him being able to do anything was more than just a little depressing.

“I talked to doctor Francis yesterday,” Lucifer eventually said without looking up. “He told me the tests were all positive, only the blood work needed to be done.”

“I know, I'm glad it all went well,” Sam nodded. “I made sure I can still keep up with school if I'll stay here, the counselor said I might be able to copy someone else's notes who keeps them online and reschedules a test I have, so it won't end in total chaos.”

“I never thought of that,” Lucifer chuckled deeply. “I'm already weeks behind again because I just said I'll be gone for a while. I already lost two years because of this, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to drop out completely this time.”

“You have more important things on your mind than classes for now,” Sam smiled knowingly. “When this is all over I can help you catch up with everything if you want to. I mean, it’s just a few weeks now, right? I’m sure you can still make it.”

“I'll manage somehow, but thanks.” Lucifer shook his head, but more to himself than towards Sam. “I'm more worried about Gabe right now, I'm not sure if Raphael told you.”

“He said he stays with friends for a while because your dad was mean to you again.”

“That's the light version of what happened,” Lucifer scoffed. “I didn't want to scare him more than I had to, but he asked about his brother of course.”

“It's much worse, right?” Sam asked and Lucifer nodded sadly.

“CPS took him,” he said with the most heartbreaking shame in his voice. “One of the neighbors finally had enough and called the cops when my old man lost it again last night. Gabe woke up from the noise and he has a huge bruise on his arm from falling a few days ago, they saw it of course didn't believe me when I told them about it and called CPS for his own safety. I saw it happen, even comforted him, but they didn't seem to listen. They thought dad beat him up and said they had to do it.”

“I'm so sorry, Lucifer,” Sam whispered and laid a hand on the other’s. “Is there nothing you can do? I’m sure they want him to be happy and well, right?”

“I might've made it worse when they said they'd take him… dad didn't give a shit about the news and somehow my hand and his nose had a small meeting. His nose lost.”

“Ouch.” Sam felt awful, but his lips still jerked at the thought of Lucifer breaking his dad's nose.

“He launched at me and they arrested him because I'm still a minor,” Lucifer smirked with a hint of pride. “But it'll be hard to get Gabe back, they told me. I talked to the CPS lady for a few hours and she said they won't let him go back to my dad. She believed me when I told her that I would do anything for him and that he never hit him, but if I want him back I need to file for custody and to do that I need a place to live and money and, of course, be a legal adult…”

“Fuck, that sure is a mess...”

“Yeah,” Lucifer huffed unamused. “They can't stay at the house because it's dad's and I can't work because Raphael needs me and I need a job to earn money to get a place to live with them. A dilemma if I ever saw one. Right now he’s in a very nice family with two other kids his age, the woman told me, but it’s just not his home, you know? It’s not his family...”

“Well, for now Gabe is safe, right?” Sam tried to point out something positive, to which Lucifer nodded slowly. “Your dad can't hurt him and maybe things with Raphael will get better soon. One problem at a time.”

“If that idiot who calls himself our father would just die, a lot of our problems would be solved.”

“I guess you don't have any other family members around?”

“No, no one. I don't know where the hell Michael is and I don't care, all we got is dad and he's a useless piece of shit,” Lucifer sighed. “I'm sorry, I keep bothering you with all this crap, it must be really annoying.”

“Well, you have to talk to someone and I'm here. I’m glad if I can help somehow, even if it’s only with listening.”

“And you feel obliged to listen because of some dumb coincidence, don't you?”

“Do you really think that?” Sam wondered and gave Lucifer a curious glare. The blond shrugged.

“You don't know me, I don't know you, we're not even friends, even if everyone here thinks that,” Lucifer said, looking at Sam. “The one I am out there, the asshole that scares everybody by just looking at them? That’s a mask I'm wearing to protect my brothers. It stops people from talking to me and from stealing my time and attention, but you still didn't stay away. Why else if not for this dumb soulmate thing? Oh, don't look like that, do you think I didn't feel the same way you did?”

Sam felt his face heat up and looked away to hide his blatantly obvious blushing.

“So, I'm not making this up,” he said and bit his lip. “It’s true.”

“Yes and it's why you're here, why you want to help my brother even if you don't know him at all and why you listen to me rambling. It's not because you want to do it, it's because you have to.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but you're wrong,” Sam said and turned back to face Lucifer with a stern glare. “I'm not a cold-hearted monster, I would help your brother even without this shit going on.”

“But you wouldn't know him if it wasn't because of it, right?”

“No, I…” Sam blushed again, but this time kept his eyes on the other. “I wouldn't. But that doesn't change a thing, I'd still help him if I knew he needed it.”

Lucifer sighed. He looked into his empty cup, shook his head and got up to get himself another. When he came back he still had this very concentrated expression on his face that made Sam feel miserable.

“I'm not saying you wouldn't, don't get me wrong,” Lucifer continued, stirring his coffee. “But it's a fact that this soulmate thing exists and neither of us likes it. I don't have time for this, I can't afford thinking about it or allow it to consume me. My brothers need me, they don’t have anyone else they can count on. If I give into this I will be distracted and can’t be there for them anymore the way I have to anymore. I can see that you try to fight it yourself and you're starting to lose, that’s not good. It won't end well, it just can't. Soulmates or not doesn't matter, I can't afford these kind of things.”

“Do you know why I fight it?” Sam asked and Lucifer shook his head slowly, looking up from his coffee. “My parents were soulmates too and I saw what happens when you let it consume you. Mom got killed and dad just… he just stopped caring. All he does anymore is drink and yell and pass out in random places. I never knew what it's like to have a real family, a place you come home to and where you are loved and can just be happy. I only had my brother and the knowledge that soulmates destroy people. I don't associate them with love and compassion, just with coldness, anger and hate. If they were both still here, maybe things would be different. I’m the little brother in your story, the one that only ever had his big brother… it didn’t help strengthening my faith in soulmates.”

“And you're scared you'll end up like your dad, don't you?” Lucifer assumed, unknowingly hitting very close to home. “You're scared that you'll be unable to go on if something happens to your soulmate; that if they die, you won’t manage to live your life without them anymore.”

“In a way," Sam mumbled ashamed. "But that's not al, not reallyl. I don't know why I shouldn't be able to choose the one I spend my life with alone, you know? It's just not fair, I never asked to get a soulmate, I never asked to be played with like a puppet on strings. I have plans, I don't want my life to depend on someone I don't even know. It’s a selfish reason, I know, but it doesn’t change that I feel this way.”

“You're not as shallow as I thought you were,” Lucifer smirked at the other. “You know what you want, you're stubborn and determined. I like that. Kinda makes you less appalling.”

“T-thanks?” Sam didn't know what to think of this. Lucifer didn't try to flatter him right now, did he?

“I'm glad you want to help Raph, really,” Lucifer continued after nodding. “But I don't want to use you like that. You don’t owe me or him anything because of fate or coincidence, it would be wrong to ask you for it. Just don't do it because you feel like you have to, I guess, that's all I'm saying.”

“I don't do it because I have to, I want to do it,” Sam answered immediately, without hesitation. “Raphael deserves better and so do you and Gabe, soulmates or not. Even if we’d shake hands and never see each other again after this day I'd do it, because it's the right thing to do.”

“I can’t say I’m not relieved to hear that;” Lucifer sighed. “It’s just all too messed up, no matter what I do, it won’t work out. Meeting you was weird and kind of scary, I admit that. I didn’t expect something like this to happen anytime soon, it just wasn’t on my radar.”

“It wasn’t on mine either, in case that helps,” Sam smiled weakly. “I just wanted to study and become a lawyer to finally get away from my dad, you were not part of the plan.”

“Yeah, sorry for that,” Lucifer smirked. “I tried my hardest to throw you off at least, you gotta give me that.”

“Oh, I do,” Sam laughed. “I was so creeped out I whined to my brother about why I had to be punished like that.”

“Thanks.” Lucifer returned the laugh. “I guess he found it highly entertaining.”

“Yeah, he suggested a bullet to the head as the alternative of talking to you. Not really what I wanted either, so I decided to just talk to you.”

“Regret your decision already?”

“Meh,” Sam shrugged, not without a slight grin on his face. “You’re not what I expected, but I guess I could have had it worse.”

“You know,” Lucifer smiled, for the first time not only weakly. “If my brothers wouldn't suffer from it I'd actually consider to drop my thoughts on this whole soulmate topic. You're rather interesting.”

“You mean because I'm a stubborn idiot with daddy issues too?” Sam joked and Lucifer’s smile got a bit wider.

“Something like that, yeah,” Lucifer laughed.

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #soulmate!au #college!au #human!au #multi chapter fic #myfics

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semestakatarsis · 7 years

Photo

A Piece of Mismatched Puzzle

Chara: Johnny, Ten

Category: one-shot, college, Spring Hills au

Genre: slice of life

Words: 3,132

A/N: this story has nothing romantic in it,, i guess. be aware of grammatical errors and limited vocab. i am no native.

Today was one of those days where things went uncomfortably all right. When he was washing his face in the morning, Johnny felt a familiar tingle in the back of his mind, announcing something was going to be moving in the wrong turn, and he was waiting for that thing to occur throughout the day. But he'd gotten himself a cup of americano from every Spring Hills's student go-to café Decressendo and drunk it down without choking or spilling it all down the front of someone. He arrived at his classes on time. He got complimented by a lecturer for pointing out a typo on her presentation. He didn't lose his pen. He didn't trip in the hallway or bump into someone that would glare angrily at him or throw him a punch. But did that mean the day was getting better? Johnny hoped so, but the tingle didn't disappear even when he convinced himself that everything was going to be just the way it usually was. Because deep down he knew it wouldn't. That's just how intuition works; your senses had you thinking today was just a regular day where you'd go through the day doing everything you were supposed to do, but your heart sang you a song of notice and it wouldn't stop bothering you until something unfortunate actually happened. Johnny felt it; he'd been feeling it the whole day. He tried to ignore it nevertheless. For dwelling on it wouldn't tell him anything about what was going to be wrong anyway.

The discomfort put Johnny into a cautious state, though you wouldn't know it when you see him smiling and laughing and responding to his friends seemingly wholeheartedly as if he was the one who could help you make your day better. By the time the last class of the day took place, the nuisance intensified. It'd started to irritate him, but Johnny tried his best not to think about it. He'd learned that freaking out over bad feelings would only cause a tremendous amount of anxiety, and additional nuisance wasn't at all what he needed at the moment.

The class had been running for twenty minutes or so when everyone in the room heard the door creaked open. They turned their heads in unison to see a boy in black and white flannel, black jeans, and a pair of worn out grey Converse came in, his eyes down and his shoulders slumped, and the lecturer shot him an annoyed look either for him being late or disturbing her on-going class. The boy mumbled a series of apology, and she eventually let him make his way up the theater-style stairs to sit in the second farthest row. She continued her explanation on the characteristics of contemporary culture of South Korea, but not for long. She wasted the next half an hour ranting about how much she hated a tardy student, delivered to the entirety of the class but her glowering gaze mostly fixed at the boy, yet the whole class wearily regarded it as total gibberish.

Johnny was sitting in the last row, his favorite spot where he could easily scan the spacious room and observe his classmates all the way down to the front row. He watched the black-haired boy as he sat down in the row in front him. After glancing at the lecturer to make sure she wasn't watching, Johnny leaned in to his direction. "Why bother come late, Ten? I thought you weren't coming to this class ever again," he said lightly in low voice, but Ten only cast him a sidelong glance before busying himself with his backpack and books. That put a crease in between Johnny's eyebrows. Weird, he thought as he pulled back. Ten was supposed to reply with an innocently mischiveous grin like he usually did.

As Johnny watched Ten more closely, he realized that the boy was unusually pale. He'd lost the color of flushing pink that used to brighten up his smiley face. Someone next to him kept inviting him to joke around with his gags, but Ten only flashed him an unwilling smile. Johnny thought the boy just probably didn't get to have a sip of his afternoon coffee because he napped in the dance room, overslept, and had to rush to get to the class. His mood would lift up by itself as his typical after-sleep annoyance subsided. Johnny concluded that thought of his and dragged his focus back on the lecture. Ten didn't look back to see him at all until the class was announced to be over.

The lecturer turned out to be still mad at Ten as she called him out before the class ended. "Whoever showed up late in my class today, please volunteer yourself to clean the whiteboard," she said aloud. No one else came in behind the approved time, so Ten was the only student who was considered late. He stood up immediately and walked down the stairs to come to the front. Johnny noticed as he put his books back into his bag that Ten was erasing the jumbled scribbles on the whiteboard hastily, leaving traces of black ink here and there. Before he could make anything out of his odd behavior, Ten finished his job and was going to put the eraser back on the table, but his hand accidentally elbowed the lecturer's tumbler half-filled with water and causing it to spill on the surface of the table.

The class fell silent instantly. Luckily, the lecturer had finished collecting her materials so the table was empty when the water poured. Almost everyone who saw it gasped, some just gaped at the scene. Ten bowed repeatedly and mumbled another series of apology to the lecturer, but she just scrunched her bright red lips and waved him off. She grabbed her now empty tumbler and walked towards the door, her heeled shoes trod with indignant pace.

There was an extended moment of silence before someone eventually shouted, "What the fuck is so wrong with you today?"

"You triggered her bad mood and she lashed it out at us all!"

"We've been trying to be good! It was hard when she started being obnoxious, you know!"

People complained and whined. Ten tried to defend himself, but his words stammered. His eyes glinted with panicky look. It was something Johnny never saw of him, for he always carries the troubles he caused with a grin so charming it could lead anyone into thinking he did it merely because he's purely reckless and playful. Johnny grabbed Ten's backpack and walked to him, who now was wiping the table with tissues some girl at the front row had given him. Johnny extended the backpack to him. As he did so, he said, in low voice again, "You don't look well."

Ten was head down on the table, not allowing Johnny to get a closer look at his face. "It's been a bad day."

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Why should I?"

Johnny frowned. "I could've helped you?" he said, perplexed. "Am I not your first person on-dial anymore?" Ten had always been coming to Johnny, taking with him all the problems he had caused or that chased after him, for almost four years of their friendship. Johnny knew his crime and michief more than what Ten's family was aware of. It seemed that it just occurred to Ten that Johnny didn't deserve to being talked to like he was nobody. He cleared his thoughts and stopped wiping the table. He eventually looked up and met Johnny's demanding yet concerned eyes.

It took him almost all the composure he'd been preserving to say, "I got into a car accident. Lucas and I." He paused. "We hit an old man. He's dying as we speak."

Johnny couldn't say anything.

His eyes widened as he began to realize that the strange foreboding he'd been getting was meant for this. He just knew it, like turning a piece of puzzle he thought wouldn't fit in the only empty space left to a different angle that matched and eventually completed the picture.

Johnny started to notice what he missed from Ten's strange behavior. Ten's hands were trembling. Fear overshadowed his face. A wave of anxiety swept away the remnants of his serenity. He now looked visibly shaken, and his vulnerability squeezed Johnny right in the heart.

A few seconds later, Johnny drew a long breath. He then extended his hand in front of the shorter boy. "Give me the key," he said peremptorily. Obedient like a little child, Ten took the key of Lucas's BMW out of the front pocket of his jeans and put it on Johnny's open palm. "We'll go to see the old man now. Tell me where the hospital is."

Ten told Johnny everything in the car. Johnny concluded that it wasn't their fault that they ran into someone who crossed the street when the pedestrian lamp had turned red, but it didn't change the fact that they had injured the old man. Hours had passed since the incident but Ten still couldn't remove the image from his head, a thin and wrinkled figure wrapped in thick brown coat lying unmoving in the street. Neither did he or Lucas have the courage to lay a finger on him; they were afraid any artificial movement would cause further damage to the body. Lucas frantically touched his cellphone to call for help. Ten paced back and forth aimlessly, his body trembling with panic, struggling to get himself together. A few minutes later came the cops and ambulance, and medics saved the old man from the growing spectators that had started clustering around him. The two young men were brought to the police station. They spent practically the rest of the morning until after noon being asked and stared at with sullen voice and stern eyes by the officers in a room they'd thought they'd never come in, no matter how problematic and mischiveous they were. But they did, and it became the first real crime they'd ever done.

"Stop shaking." Johnny's voice dissipated the quietness in the car. He was as tensed as Ten, and even though Ten knew he had upset him with his new trouble, Johnny didn't show it.

Ten lifted his hands and made a violent shaking gesture. "I can't," he teased, trying to bring a brighter mood. "I'm shaking because you look as mad as my dad when he found out. I'm driving with my furious dad now. I'm scared."

Johnny threw him a glare. "I'm not. Your dad could've disowned you. I won't."

"That's sweet. Am I that precious to you?"

"You're misinterpreting the situation."

"I know I am." Ignoring Johnny, Ten answered his own question, grinning widely at his own effort of joking.

Johnny sighed a whatever, and Ten chuckled. Apparently, he was attempting a distraction. He's getting more anxious than he'd been as they came nearer to the hospital. He tried to talk it on to random topics of people and events at their campus, as well as to unease the atmosphere and avert Johnny's attention from his trembling body. Yet still, Johnny noticed his shaking hands and after they pulled up in the parking lot, the taller guy took both of his hands and held them in a comforting grip.

"Hey, look at me."

Ten did as he said. He could see his own reflection in his eyes, and he realized how nervous and frightened he was now. The question that he had tried not to think about reappeared. It was blazing in red lights in his head, forcing to steal his attention, invading his mind with the only possibility way scarier than his angry dad: What if the old man died?

"He'll make it," Johnny said, as if he could read Ten's mind. His voice as delicate as the autumn breeze. "It's okay. Everything's gonna be all right."

"What if he don't?" Ten croaked, his voice imperceptibly visible with fear.

"It's still not your fault," Johnny reassured him. "It was an accident. We'll discuss it with his family. Come on, now. Show no fear, young man."

And off they went. Soon they found out that the old man was undergoing a surgery. They waited outside the room together with his family, which consisted only of a woman (his daughter) and her five years old son (his granddaughter) who was sleeping on the nearest couch, bundled in a sheet of hospital's blanket. They were expecting a bigger family, though, and had prepared themselves both mentally and emotionally to get lashed out at for causing such a serious trouble. But the woman just smiled at them weakly when they met, and she said it was okay to respond Ten's profound apology. "I knew it'd happen sooner or later," she said. Her eyes were red. Traces of dry tears stained her thin cheeks. Her voice exposed exhaustion that barely disguised her worry. "My father is very old and lonely. All of his friends are dead. He's tired of waiting for his turn. He's been wanting to end his life."

Her last sentence sent Johnny and Ten into a moment of contemplation as they were sat in a nearby corridor. Neither of them spoke, for they had to process the new information carefully in their minds, and they were too shocked to say anything. After a few moments, Johnny snorted. Such a reaction surprised Ten and had the younger boy turned his head to look at him.

"Life is sometimes ridiculous," he said. "I had this weird feeling that something would go wrong. It didn't happen to me. It turned out it was about you running into an accident that could finish someone off his life. But now I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that you struck him right where he wanted to be. He wanted it to happen anyway. It was an attempt of suicide. If he can't make it, he's saved from his withering life. If he's still alive, he'll most likely try to kill himself again, I'm sure about that."

"So what should I feel now? Happy? Sad?"

"I think we should carry on what his daughter feels. If the man dies and she's happy, we'll be happy for her, too. If she's sad, well, sad is what everyone naturally feels when someone is dead, anyway."

"Sounds so simple." Ten didn't tell Johnny that he still held a big chunk of guilt in his chest, but he couldn't deny the relieved feeling that grew and quickly washed over his fear and anxiety. Nothing felt right about helping someone commit suicide, but both Ten and Lucas had never had the intention to help the man end his life to begin with. It was an accident, and just like how they couldn't predict what their car would run into in the street even though they were driving it, they couldn't foresee what's waiting in the near future, either.

After what felt like eternity, Johnny looked up from his phone screen just in time to see a doctor appeared from the operation room. His spontaneous reaction was to stand up, and he was a little bit late to realize that Ten was still leaning his head on his shoulder, sound asleep. The sudden movement jerked him up, and Johnny was quick to apologize. He told him about the doctor's appearance, and both of them then dashed towards the man in blue sanitary clothing who was talking with the old man's daughter. By the time they arrived, the woman had bursted into tears. Yet her tears were mixed with weak, restrained laugh. "He's free, he's free," she chanted. Ten's heart sank. Johnny stared at the floor.

The old man was gone.

But he was now free from his misery, and that's what his daughter was chanting for.

"Today is wild," Johnny said.

"And nerve-wrecking," added Ten.

They had left the hospital and hit the road. The old man's daughter sent them off and convinced them that they needed not to meet her again, which was relieving for Ten and Lucas's side. They didn't have to deal with cops and laws anymore, of which Ten found so daunting that he promised himself to not cause serious troubles that bring about severe damage. He still felt bad for the old man, though. He couldn't be happy just because his soul was free after suffering from a lonely and depressing life. He knew he didn't have the right to judge the old man's daughter decision to let the old man go so easily, but he trusted himself enough to believe that every old man has the right to die in a more convenient place and situation, by the most peaceful way it could be.

The fact that the man was trying to commit suicide by throwing himself into the mouth of death in the street was not the kind of thought that could help you feel better. The more you think of it, the more depressing and of a pity it is. And even after everything that happened today, and how easier the problem solved than what Ten was afraid of (he imagined himself being called out to court and dragged to jail and it was already terrible, just imagining it), the feelings of shock, guilt, and anxiety still lingered. Ten voiced all of these thoughts out to Johnny who drove next to him. Johnny said, in his deep yet soft, stress-reliefing voice that Ten (and everybody who heard it) liked, "Your body needs time to digest an overwhelming amount of emotions you felt in a span of a day. Give it a few hours or days, or weeks. You'll forget it eventually, and it'll remain a memory. Or a lesson, as you should've learned to drive more carefully."

"Hey, you said it wasn't my fault," Ten argued. "And it wasn't me who drove. It was Lucas. I don't drive. My slaves drive for me."

Johnny wished his feet didn't have to step on the car pedals so he could kick the boy in the front seat and replace his triumphant laugh with a grimace of agony. But he brushed that thought off and reminded himself that it was rough enough to be unable to see the boy's usual self almost all day. Now that his mischief and smiles and beaming eyes had returned, Johnny wanted nothing but them to not fade or disappear again from his view. He'd also learned his own lesson, anyway, which is whenever he gets a bad feeling, he's obligated to check on his friends and family and everyone his heart is connected with to make sure everything is okay.

#johnny #ten #johnten #x #nct #slice of life #college au #college #spring hills

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jaybear1701 · 7 years

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Memories That Remain 2

Summary: Whitney Earp is getting married, which in a small town like Purgatory, is big news already, but Whitney has a secret. While sorting through some boxes in the attic, preparing for her move off the homestead, she stumbles across a familiar white stetson, and her mother’s old journal. She learns that her mother Waverly has been keeping something important from her her entire life -- Waverly Earp is not her biological mother. Through lies and the perfect scheme, and a wedding that is one disaster after another, Whitney is determined to get to the bottom of the family secret, even if it means getting both of her mothers in the same room after 20 years of estrangement.

By @haughtbreaker and @jaybear1701

Also available on AO3.

"You seem so far away though you are standing near You made me feel alive, but something died I fear I really tried to make it out I wish I understood What happened to our love, it used to be so good."

There was a bounce in Whitney's step as she slipped through the door of the Sheriff's department. Nothing like deception and manipulation mixed in with the excitement of her impending nuptials to brighten one's day. She'd left her friends back at Shorty's, tasting the themed drinks that would be at the reception while she ran across the street with a pair of coffee cups. She could barely contain the mix of eagerness and happiness coursing through her veins as she thought of all the possibilities ahead of her. Three more sleeps. The internal monologue had continued through her day.

The officer at the front desk smiled brightly, hiding her phone under some files to at least pretend she'd been working. "Hey Whit!"

"Hi Court." Whitney set a coffee cup in front of her old classmate. "He here?"

"Thank you so much." Court breathed a sigh of relief, popping open the cup to dip her finger into the melting whipped cream before nodding quickly. "Nedley's got him down in the dungeon."

With a snort, Whitney reached into her messenger bag and set a small napkin-wrapped bundle that smelled suspiciously like chocolate on the officer's desk.

"Courtesy of my mother's late night baking," she whispered with a wink before taking the remaining coffee cup and heading down a hallway. She found the stairs easily and made her way down, having traveled the path a few times before when the sheriff was being ornery and taking it out on everyone in the station by assigning menial tasks. A flickering light greeted her and she was drawn to the shuffling sounds coming from one corner.

Whitney paused for a moment, leaning against a shelf as she watched her fiancé reshelving file boxes. He was ridiculously adorable, she decided. With the amount of testosterone coursing through the veins of Purgatory, including his asshole of a father who measured a man's worth by however many seconds he could stay on a bull, she was glad Jesse was nothing like them.

Not saying he was weak, she thought as he moved a stack of boxes, watching the lines of his arm flex with the weight. No he was far from weak, and in truth he was a better shot with a shotgun than even her mother, but he was definitely a lover and not a fighter. She easily found herself lost as she watched him, a smile tugging at her lips until one box slipped from his hands, falling to the ground with files spilling out in a puff of dust.

"Dang it!" He sighed heavily, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose before kneeling, only then seeing Whitney standing there. "Oh, hey!" He laughed nervously.

Taking mercy on him, Whitney was quick to his side, helping him scoop up the files and setting them haphazardly on the desk. "Sorry, Honey." She waited for him to set the box on the desk beside the small stack before holding out the coffee cup. "You look like you could use some of this."

He smiled bashfully, accepting the cup and setting it aside before wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "You are too good to me."

"Nothing is too good for you." Whitney captured his lips in a quick kiss. "I can't believe the sheriff's got you all alone down here… with no one else around." Wiggling her eyebrows, she ran fingertips down the front of his uniform, circling a button. "You look like you could use a break."

Another laugh and he was pulling away with a shake of his head. "The sheriff's been on a strange warpath since this morning."

Whitney rolled her eyes. "Chrissy needs to pull the stick from her ass."

"I think the last thing I need right now is to get fired, at least not until after the wedding." He grinned a dopey grin that went all the way to his ears. "Because then I'll have a beautiful, college-educated wife that will be able to support me whenever she decides on a career path."

Whitney snorted, leaning back against the pile of boxes. "Well you better get used to enjoying my mother's cooking because we're gonna end up back at the homestead and God knows that bed squeaks louder than a cat in heat."

"Well, I think your mother's cooking is delicious."

"You're such a kiss ass." With a laugh, Whitney picked up his coffee and took a quick sip, wincing at the oversweet flavor. "I better go. Mom should be getting back soon with Aunt Wyn. I just wanted to see my future husband for a minute." She reached up to flick some dust off his uniform.

"Wynonna gets in today." His smile faltered, turning into a tight line as he fought the urge to frown. He was so bad at hiding his emotions from her.

"You know she loves you."

"She loves messing with me." He shook his head. "She just… I really wish she wouldn't compare me to my dad all the time."

Stepping into his space again, Whitney rested her forearms on his shoulders. "Sweetie, you are on the wrong side of the street to be anything like your dad. He's probably over at Shorty's right now, starting the day with a pint." She placed a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. "I love you because, on top of being a sexy beast, you are honest, brave, and full of integrity. Your dad couldn't even pass the officer exams and you are on route to be the next sheriff."

It was enough to bring back a grin as he pulled her closer, finding another kiss in her smile. His hands came up to capture her face, his thumbs gently brushing against her cheeks as he deepened the kiss.

Whitney groaned against his lips, breaking off the kiss to push away. "Ok, we should stop before we really get you fired."

"Hey, you were the one that offered." Still, he let her go but not without a pout.

"Well that was like….three minutes ago." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"And three minutes makes a difference?" Jesse argued before he saw the wry look on her face. "Ok, that's just mean."

"Oh but I do love every bit of those 3 minutes…" Whitney joked, slipping out of his reach as he playfully lunged for her.

Accidentally knocking one of the files from the stack, Jesse gave her a mock glare before picking up the folder, taking a quick look before his head tilted to the side. "Whoa… weird."

"What's weird?"

Pulling a small, wallet-sized photo out, he held it up so Whitney could see it. "Just an old personnel file. She kinda looks like you."

Her eyes growing wide, Whitney snatched the photo quickly, seeing the familiar angles of the face that was also in the photo in her bag except this time she was wearing the same uniform Jesse was wearing. God her mother must have been shitting herself when Whitney started dating an officer, she mused, reaching for the folder before Jesse could start reading. "That's crazy." She let her eyes scan the page, noticing the emergency contact where a very neatly written Waverly Earp was in black ink. "I wonder if Mom knows who this is."

She wasn't ready to deal with explaining Nicole to Jesse. She couldn't let him see the file. Not yet anyway. So with a big grin, she shoved the file in her bag.

"Hey. Whit…" He was cut off with a kiss, soft hands cupping his cheeks as Whitney's form pressed against his.

"I'm just gonna borrow it. I'll bring it back." She whispered against his lips.

Before he could protest, she broke the kiss off and pulled away. She could see the momentary hesitance in his eyes and quickly pressed one last kiss to his lips. "I have to go find the girls. I'm staying at the homestead again tonight. Come by when you're done." And with that, she turned and left.

Escaping up the stairs, she barely got her expression under control before running right into the Sheriff. "Sheriff Nedley! I was just looking for you!" She hoped her cheeks weren't as flushed as they felt.

Chrissy Nedley narrowed her eyes at the wayward Earp. "I don't remember my office being down in the archives."

Putting on the smile she'd taken from her mother, Whitney reached into her messenger bag to pull out a box wrapped with a ribbon, four small cakes visible through the plastic top. "My mom wanted to say thank you for your help with those coyotes the other night."

Her expression not faltering, Chrissy accepted the box as they began to walk back to the front of the station. "All in a day's work. Tell your mother she's more than welcome, but please remember that all messages of appreciation are better delivered from the other side of the front desk."

Whitney tried not to laugh. When her mother had told her about how the Sheriff had been in high school, she'd barely believed it. "Noted." She quickly commented, giving Court a quick wave before escaping out the front door.

"I'm here, Bitches!" Wynonna let her bag drop, her eyes scanning the unexpected darkness of the homestead with a frown. "What the hell? I didn't fly all the way from the UK to not even get a damn hug… a shot of whiskey… something?"

Waverly rolled her eyes, pulling a note off the cork board near the door. "She's running some errands with the girls."

"Kids these days." Wynonna moved to the kitchen, finding things exactly in the same place as they always were. "It's way too late in the day for me to be sober and what the eff is up with all the hammering?"

"It's not even noon." Waverly could only smile, seeing her sister pouring whiskey into their grandmother's china. "And the incessant banging is because her royal highness wants an outdoor wedding."

"It's fricking Purgatory in December. Her royal highness is asking for a swift kick to the box." Wynonna snorted, taking a sip before quickly spitting it out. "Either someone's been watering down the whiskey, or my tongue isn't working…"

"Well you'd be a lot more quiet if that were true." Waverly grabbed the bottle, inspecting it. "That little brat." She let her thumb brush over the small x near the barcode. "This is the bottle we bring out when her in-laws come over for dinner. I told her to get a new bottle."

Wynonna snorted at that. "Not like that man-child knows the difference."

Waverly froze as a voice from the past ran through her mind. A boy man? She shook her head, attempting to dislodge the memories. "Well, I'm suddenly in the mood to drink." She twirled the keys that were still in her hand. "Trip to town?"

Wynonna changed her mind and shot back the rest of the whiskey in her cup before nodding. "No sense in wasting it….ugh that's horrible. Let's go."

"What the hell is going on here?"

The entire bar jumped at the sound of the voice ringing from the double doors. The small party at the bar counter broke out in a burst of laughter.

"Mom!" Whitney laughed, knocking back the small shot of pink and green before hopping off the stool. "Mom we have to have this… this… Stevie, what is it?" She directed at the bartender.

"The Earp Express." He cleared his throat, trying to avoid his boss's even stare.

"It's fantastic!" Only then did Whitney notice the tall frame behind her mother. "Aunty Wyn!" She launched herself at the oldest in the Earp family who embraced her with a noticeable grunt.

Wynonna returned the hug briefly before holding her out at arm's reach. "My beloved niece, already drunk before lunch," she pulled Whitney in for another hug, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I trained you so well. I'm proud of you," she mock cried before pushing her away. "Take me to your alcohol," she groaned as she followed Whitney to the bar, noticing the different shot glasses of various colors and mixes. "What's wrong with straight up whiskey?"

"It's a party!" Anna laughed, reaching for a suspiciously orange mixture and tipping the drink down her throat, wincing. "Oh… yeah the Pious Wyatt is horrible. Definitely not strong enough"

"It's a virgin drink." Jenn commented wryly with a shake of her head. "Hi Miss Waverly."

Waverly let her eyes drift over the bar. "You driving?" She asked, noticing the glass of coke in front of her.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good girl." Waverly looked over her shoulder where Whitney was peppering Wynonna with a few dozen questions about her travel. "Okay…" She clapped her hands together, looking at the bartender. "What the hell is this Earper Express?"

With a smile, he pulled a clean shot glass out, expertly layering the alcohol before presenting it.

Quickly swallowing the drink, Waverly pursed her lips. It was sweet with the subtlest of burns. People were going to get destroyed at this wedding, and she couldn't help but look forward to it. "I like it. Write it down and clean all this up." She looked at Purgatory's next generation, her daughter's rambunctious friends, and felt a small bit of sadness. She could hardly believe how fast time was going by, and yet she felt like every moment had lasted a lifetime.

A lifetime of waking up alone, taking Whitney to the dentist alone, having to attend the father/daughter dances with her. Now she was getting married.

God she felt old.

"Do you even know who I am?"

Waverly looked up to see Wynonna trying to get behind the bar. "Wynonna! Stop it." She hooked her arm around her sister's elbow. "Thank you, Stevie." She winked at the bartender before tugging Wynonna away. "Go in back, please. Find something to drink." Looking at the girls, she took another deep breath. "Girls, I take it you picked up the boxes from the post and the supplies for the centerpieces?"

"It's all in the trunk, Miss Waverly." Jenn supplied quickly.

"Then what the hell are you still doing here? We have about 100 of those damn things to make so if you could please get working on them." When Wynonna came out from the storeroom, she sighed softly. "Wynonna, can you go with them please? Make sure they actually get started while I run some errands."

"Yes, Mom." Wynonna muttered, hugging her bottle to her chest. Whitney and Anna piped up with a laugh, grabbing Jenn by one hand each.

Waverly sighed. Her baby was grown, and drunk, and getting married. It was that same motherly protective streak that led her to follow the girls outside, making sure that it was Jenn that slipped behind the wheel. "Turn it down!" She yelled as music poured out of the topless car that backed into the street. "Drive carefully!"

Watching as the car took off down the road, she winced as it almost swiped a car that was pulling in front of Purgatory's only hotel. As the driver slipped from the vehicle, obviously watching the car make it's way down the road, Waverly almost called out an apology when something stopped her.

There was no mistaking that frame, all 5'9" of it. She didn't even need the woman to turn towards her, shoulder-length red waves reflecting the light of the sun.

Waverly felt herself shutting down. Her heart stopped. Her breath caught in her throat, a vast desert that reached from her tongue to her lungs.

What the hell was she doing here?

"What the hell are you doing here?" Waverly breathed out the hushed question toward the wall. Despite the harshness of her words, she was too tired, too numb to put any heat in them. Instead, she felt deflated, shrinking and sinking like a balloon in the cold.

"I wanted to see you," Nicole said, equally resigned, from the doorframe of Waverly's childhood bedroom. She didn't dare set foot inside . "Before I…"

"Run away?" Waverly, who sat on her old mattress, kept her eyes trained straight ahead at the Pokemon poster she had hung as a child. Its corners peeled at the edges. She refused to turn around. But if she did, she imagined she'd see Nicole's lips set in a thin, frustrated line.

"That's not what I'm doing."

"Isn't it?"

Nicole blew out a breath. "We both agreed that we need some space. Get some perspective. Does it really matter if I'm here or in Chicago for it?"

"No," Waverly acceded, not wanting to fight. She didn't want to do much of anything. "I suppose not."

She picked at a piece of lint off the sleeve of one of her favorite Christmas sweaters-a green and red monstrosity with a massive Rudolph emblazoned on the front. Or at least, it used to be one of her favorites. She stopped herself from re-living the mini-breakdown she had that afternoon, when an identical, newborn-sized one had arrived in the mail. She had forgotten that she had special ordered it all the way back in the spring.

"Wave, look at me," Nicole pleaded quietly. "Please."

She didn't want to turn around, both out of vindictiveness and, if she was completely honest, a lingering sense of self-preservation. She feared that if she looked at Nicole, the walls of indifference that she had erected around her heart would crumble. Walls she had meticulously put in place, conscious or not, after months of tests and shots and suppositories, disappointment after disappointment, fighting and frustration.

"This isn't permanent," Nicole insisted when Waverly remained silent and still. "If I visit my family for a bit, maybe it'll get them off my back."

Waverly snorted. "Whatever you need to tell yourself."

Nicole sighed, long and slow. "We'll talk soon," she said.

They both pretended it wasn't a lie.

An unexpected frisson of pain lanced through Waverly's chest, cutting through the numbness and leaving a dull ache between her ribs. She closed her eyes as she listened to Nicole turn and walk away, boots clicking lightly on the creaking hardwood.

Waverly felt torn between running after Nicole and staying in place. She buried her face in her hands. She didn't want Nicole to leave, but she didn't really want her to stay either. She could try to stop Nicole - all she had to do was call out her name. But then what? Pretend they hadn't said all those hurtful things to each other? Forgive and forget? Waverly wasn't ready. And she doubted Nicole was either. How did they end up here?

She startled when she heard the front door click shut with a finality that echoed throughout the Homestead. The sound spurred Waverly to her feet. Almost against her will, and most certainly against her better judgment, she approached her bedroom window and peered outside.

She watched Nicole walk slowly toward her squad car. The desire to slide open her window and ask Nicole to stay grew, almost overwhelmingly so. But Waverly didn't move. And Nicole didn't stop. When Nicole opened the car's door, she paused and Waverly held her breath. Even now, after everything, Nicole still looked tall and strong despite her hesitation.

Nicole turned her head and looked up toward Waverly's window.

Their eyes met and Waverly's heart throbbed.

It was now or never.

There would be no turning back unless one of them changed their minds.

But neither did.

And with one last sad smile, Nicole got in the car and drove away. Waverly reached out and touched the glass of her window, tracing the cloud of dust that trailed in Nicole's wake.

Twenty years later, Waverly cursed the fact that Nicole, in dark jeans and a gray peacoat, looked every bit as striking as she had the last time Waverly saw her. And even with the distance between them, she still felt an inexplicable pull toward Nicole. Perhaps old Waverly would have given in and let herself be driven forward by her thundering, traitorous heart. Would have marched right up to her ex and demand to know why she was in town, just to see her up close, to finally hear the voice that kept haunting her dreams.

But the Waverly of today wasn't driven by her emotions. No sir. She was no longer enamored by childish notions of romance, or meant to be, or true love conquering all. Waverly of today put one and only one first person, and that person was Whitney. And Waverly would focus on Whitney and make damn well sure that her daughter and future son-in-law had the best goddamn wedding the town had ever seen.

She wouldn't bother with Nicole, or even concern herself with why she was back. That's what Waverly told herself as she turned on her heel and walked to her SUV and hopped in. So what if she seemed to be having trouble catching her breath as she turned the engine over. No. She wasn't going to think at all about Nicole. And if her eyes happened to slide to the rearview window where Nicole was perfectly reflected, well, she was just checking that the coast was clear before she pulled out of her parking spot.

#wayhaught #nicole haught #waverly earp #wynonna earp #wayhaught fanfic

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borderlinegenius-blog1 · 7 years

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The Truth Behind My Tears

I’m writing this post so people could know and UNDERSTAND what’s been going on in my life recently. I’ve been judged to hell these past few months and I just thought it would be good to tell the real story so people can judge PROPERLY. What happened to the girl who used to be so good? How come she has broken down and turned to this wild, uncomfortable person? After nito, I would accept anything you’d say. See me wrong, see me right, at least you’d know the truth. Medyo mahaba ito so yung mga tao lang na interisado and babasa nito. I’m a smart girl – or so people would label me. I was innocent. Till I met HIM - the one person who turned my whole life upside down and not in the right kind of way. I was a transferee student from MSU to NDMU. My classmates – including him – knew I was the Valedictorian of NDSCT coz most of them are from Tacurong. That’s when he came into my life. Palagi syang lumalapit sakin. And when I say palagi, sobrang PALAGI. I was a socially awkward person, so I just answer and entertain anyone who talked to me and approached me. He kept on coming to me, telling me about his crushes, his girlfriend, and every topic you can think of – mga bagay na wala naman akong pakialam. At first I didn’t understand why this guy kept on coming and talking to me, but I thought maybe he’s just like that. Kasi nakita ko naman sa ugali nya na he’s so social and talkative. Palaging nagrerecite sa class kahit mali-mali naman ang sinasabi. JOKE. Naging medyo close kami dahil dun. One time before our English class, lumapit sya sakin para lang ibulong, “Ipakita natin sa mga Engineering students na mas magaling tayo.” (A memory that he’d rather not remember kasi napoprove lang kung gaano sya ka-FC sakin haha) We got closer in our PE subject. Why? Coz fate had it that every grouping for every activity had as grouped together. Like as in. Maka-amaze kasi sa tatllong activity namin, dalawang folkdance saka isang ballroom, magkasama kami sa iisang grupo, and guess what? Kami palagi ang panalo. He always wants to win – he’s that kind of guy - and one time in our folkdance class contest, nagkagrupo kami, and he saw na walang magaling sa amin. Dun ko first nakita kung gano sya kasama. Kasi sabi nya, “Mga walang kwenta man itong mga kagrupo ko man,” sabi nya sa isang classmate namin. He was so frustrated, and I was so pissed at him. Hindi nya alam na I was capable. I was capable of leading our group and make us win. Duh. Sanay na ako sa ganyan uy. Nanalo kami, (syempre) kahit simple lang yung dance na tinuro ko, and he high-fived me. I wanted to say, “What did you say about us being no good again?” pero inunahan nya akong sabihan na “You never cease to amaze me.” That made me happy and proud. In one of our activities, the ballroom dancing something, we got partnered together. He was the one who came to me, mind you. That’s just probably because si lalai na the best, partner na si Tantan na the best din. So he settled for me. Not the best, but not bad either. He’s like that. He chooses what he sees is good. He doesn’t settle for “okay”. So we got partnered. And you know how ballroom dancing goes. (Ang lalandi ng moves.) That got us even closer to each other. May mga steps kasi na napaka-intimate, and one moment he would ask me, “oh bat ka nakasmile?” Di nya alam I was smiling coz I’ve never done those kinds of things in my whole life. Yes. Malandi talaga sya. May girlfriend sya ha. Wag ka. May mga time pa sa practice na kahit patapos nanaman yung isang step, magkahawak parin yung kamay namin. I would look at it, and pull away. Kasi uncomfortable masyado. Minsan naka-hug pa yung steps, and sometimes I find myself face to face with him. And I could feel that something was growing inside me. Nadadala na ako. We won that contest too.All of a sudden, I found him always walking beside me whenever naglalakad ang barakada. Admittedly, I was starting to feel something more than friendship towards him those days. But I wasn’t sure so I just let things happen as they were. Hinayaan ko na lang na mangyari ang mga nangyayari. One time sa Analytical Chemistry namin na class, nagsabi sya na wala na daw sila nung girlfriend nya. Sabi pa nya sakin, “Gusto kong makalimot.” And I didn’t know what to say kasi wala talaga akong kaalam alam sa mga bagay na ganun, and I said the most stupid thing I ever said in my whole life, “Ligawan mo si Pal,” kasi kasama namin that time si Pal. (And bobo ko….) to those who do not know, lalaki si pal. Lalaking-lalaki. Then there came Den’s birthday. We had a VERY LONG RIDE, pabalik ng Marbel galling Kapingkong, riding in Den’s pickup truck kasi inihatid kami pauwi, and we were both at the back of the truck together with other friends. It was cold outside, but I couldn’t get inside coz I was carsick. I didn’t wanna vomit in front of all of them. So I stayed outside and curled up in the cold. Since he and I were supposedly “close” and was sitting next to each other at that time, he went closer and hugged me. ALL THROUGHOUT THAT VERY LONG RIDE. And he even told me, “Don’t worry. Di kita pabayaan.” Di kami nakababa sa Marbel kasi close na ang dorm, so bumalik kami kina Den at dun na nagstay. There, he sat with me on the couch. I was feeling awkward, and probably, so was he. We weren’t saying anything. Kasi grabe. Grabe yung hug. (Nung naging kami na we used to talk about it sometimes kung nasa good mood kami at nagbibiruan.) He asked me if I was okay and I said I was. By the morning, I was shocked when he handed me a coffee he made for me. Nahiya ako, pero tinanggap ko naman. And honestly, nakakakilig. (Haha Pa-Fall. bwiset. -_-) When we went home, I received a message from him saying, “Ingat kayo. Lalo na ikaw.” (Oh diba?! And galling niya! Ako naman, feel na feel. Bwiset.) Ever since then, he kept on texting me. Even during classes, he would text me, “Hi” telling me I look cool in my clothes and blah blah blah, and I would just reply, “Makinig ka. Haha”. Naging ganoon for about a month kasi summer time noon. There he was, a guy who was showing motives towards you. And you, an innocent girl who didn’t know what to do about it but to respond. We clicked, because I guess it’s true that opposites really do attract. I thought it was real, until one day, in our exam in Rizal during our summerclass, I was holding his phone, playing, and there was someone who messaged him. I accidentally saw the content coz it wasn’t protected and it read, “Good Morning Baby. Goodluck sa exam niyo…” and I can’t remember the rest. Shet. He didn’t tell me that HE GOT BACK WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. And those times that he was showing all these caring, landi, putang inang, puta sa akin. Okay. Sorry. He immediately took the phone away from me, so obvious that he didn’t want me to find out. But I did. And he looked at me awkwardly. I acted like I was okay, like it was nothing. That it didn’t mean anything. So did he. Pero awkward parin. Kasi alam namin sa isa’t isa kung ano ang pinanggagagawa namin the past few weeks. But I was furious inside, hurt even, coz that was the FIRST TIME in my life that someone had me fooled. I didn’t know in my life that there was more to come. But the landian didn’t stop there. Even when we both knew that he had a girlfriend, we couldn’t stop each other from always being together. Texting and calling each other, holding hands in the street, and when summer ended and we went back to school again, he held my hand in Anatomy and Physiology Lab class and mouthed, “I missed you” to me. Having feelings for him already, I felt happy. But I didn’t want to respond, coz I knew he had a girlfriend. I just smiled. And sometimes he would joke me and complain that I wasn’t responding to him. And then I’d be forced to respond and we’d both laugh at it. Until it became a habit that saying I miss you and I love you to each other became natural EVEN WHEN HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND. That kissing and making out was too natural to be true for someone like me. He didn’t know that I was both happy and sad and hurting over what we were doing. That I was crying silently beside Mai every single night. I was happy coz I liked the affection and how it was just so natural to be with him. I was sad and hurt because of the fact that HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND, and he was doing all these shits with me. There would be times when I’d try to go near him and I’d see his girlfriend’s picture on his lockscreen and instead of going near, I’d back away, thinking “Shit. What the hell am I doing?” Sometimes, I’d be mad at him for no particular reason, and he’d wonder why but would say sorry even if he didn’t knew what he did wrong (isang bagay na gi-love ko sa kanya), not knowing that I was just mad at both of us for what we were doing. Until one day, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. He was sad about it. And I was hurt. I didn’t like the fact that he was hurting over another girl. That same day when he told me, we went to see the movies. We sat so close to each other, kissed, and I knew right then that there was no turning back for me. I fell in love with a guy who wasn’t done loving another girl. And it was the biggest mistake I ever did in my life. But it wasn’t my decision to make. It wasn’t a choice. It wasn’t my choice. Then the love story started. Coz he was finally free. Free to kiss me all he wants, free to make out with me without thinking about betraying another girl, free to tell me every time that he loves me. We were both free. But there was no label. We weren’t officially together, but we did what every other couple did. Except even more intimate. Then there was another mistake I did in my life. I transferred to another boarding house – an apartment. So he was free to come anytime he wants and be with me in the same room coz there were no restrictions for visitors. Because he VISITED ME TOO MUCH and slept there A LOT, Jeanne left me in the room alone. That was another mistake thrown at me by fate. Because that allowed me and him to LIVE IN TOGETHER. The same boarding house, the same room. You know what happens when things go like that. But living together, you find out things about a person that you never expect. One night we were sleeping next to each other, and I took his phone coz he was already sleeping. I didn’t mean to find anything, I was just browsing coz I couldn’t sleep. Then I looked at the messages. And I saw a thing that made me cry my heart and eyes out. A girl named Pia. He was texting her. And I read some things I’d rather not talk about. He woke up. When he saw what I was reading, he snatched his phone away from me, and got MAD at me. I didn’t even have time to ask him what that Pia was all about, coz he was so mad. (Siya pa talaga and nagalit…) So I just went out and cried at the kitchen area. While he… He just continued sleeping and didn’t even bother explaining to me or saying sorry. But the next day, well, it was like nothing happened. And that was the start of me being paranoid about him cheating on me. I let it pass, cause he did all the sweetest of things to make me forget about it. I wasn’t stupid. I knew his motives, I knew what he was trying to do. I just acted like it was already okay. But it wasn’t. I REMEMBERED IT. AND IT HURT. But I forgave him. Because I loved him and I thought I’d rather not lose him over a single girl. Then, there was another thing he did. He made his ex’s birth date his lockscreen code. I knew. He probably thought I didn’t know. But I did. And so I told him not to go anywhere near me and informed him that I’m well aware of the fact that it was her birth date. He even made the most stupid and most obviously false explanation that it was her sister who set his code. (LIKE LAHAT NG TAO NA SINABIHAN KO TUMAWA.) Bullshit. Haha. I just laughed at it. I was determined not to forgive him. So determined that I made a bet with my friends that for a month, I won’t talk to him. I would treat Gab, Jeanne, Meyer, Dads, at Greenwich and pay Den’s allowance for the week if I talk to him. They were so confident cause they all knew that I could never stay mad at him. I could never stand being away from him. I could never NOT forgive him. I was so strong that time. He was begging me to forgive him. He kept on texting me but I kept on dismissing him. He kept on coming to the apartment but I always told him to go back to his dorm. He even pinned me on the bed once, probably thinking I’d give in. But I didn’t. I shooed him away. My friends also helped me too. They told me I should make him jealous by going near some guy. And then when he would come near me, Meyer would block his way and Gab who knew what we were doing would just laugh at us. I could see how desperate and sad he was. Coz he didn’t have any friends to go with. They all sided with me. Ryan even got mad at our group saying “Porket nag-away sila ni Norsi hindi nyo na rin sya papansinin” or something like that, coz he pitied him. But truth be told, the only reason I wasn’t forgiving him was because of that bet I made. Haha. Because they were right. I could never stand having him gone. So when he texted me that he was coming over and bring me food, I said “Ikaw bahala.” (landi) He came into my room, I ate what he brought, and we both settled on the bed. At first he wasn’t saying anything. I thought he wouldn’t be planning to do anything any soon coz he was ashamed, so I went over him and hugged him. He hugged me back. So tight I can still remember. And he told me “Ngayon ko lang narealize na tama talaga yung sinasabi nila. You only know the importance of a person kung wala na sya sayo.” I didn’t say anything and just smiled in the dark. But ever since he did that mistake, I lost my trust in him. I wasn’t just paranoid. I totally lost my trust in him. And we all know that once we lose trust, it’s just so hard to bring it back. So hard. In my case, it was impossible. He promised me he’d make it up to me. He even brought me my specimen collection kit and all the things I needed. Mai laughed at me coz she knew he was just trying to make it up to me. I’d just smile. But again, I lost my trust in him. He couldn’t bring it back no matter what he did for me. And EVERY SINGLE NIGHT I would cry, remembering everything. From the start up to that moment. Then there came the issue about Jed - my supposedly fixed marriage guy. I was texting Jed, and he read the conversation. He suddenly sulked in the bed. I asked him what was wrong – although I already knew – and he said “Wala lang. May katext ang baby ko.” I said, “Wala yun…” and he told me “Namimiss ko yung ganyan ka pa magtext sa akin.” Coz he was right. All our conversations those few weeks were just full of arguments – me getting mad and him apologizing every time. But I just couldn’t forget. Every time I’d remember what he did, I would get mad at him and remind him of what he did. And it was so hard on his part to make me forget. To make me stop remembering. And then after Jed, that’s when all the other girls rained on me. There was the girl he had a crush on. Someone named Alyssa. He was still sleeping beside me when I looked up his twitter account. He was posting about how much he like the girl. And again, I cried and cried and cried. I screen capped all his tweets and made it his lockscreen wallpaper. He woke up, snatched his phone away from me, but I wasn’t crying anymore. I was just staring into space. He looked at his phone and saw the screen, then sighed. He knew he got no excuses for this one. He couldn’t open his phone coz I changed the code so he couldn’t change the wallpaper. He begged me to stop it and open his phone. He even forced me to. He even got mad at me. He pinned me down on the bed while I was crying and begged me to open his phone. When I got tired of him forcing me to open it – coz it hurt so much to see that he was forcing me to neglect his mistake for his sake and I felt like he didn’t care about me crying and what I thought and felt at that time while I was crying – I opened it, crying. And he said goodbye to me. Our first breakup. It was during the intrams. I guess his Alyssa mission failed coz I saw in his tweets things like, “Maganda nga pero suplada” or something like that, and things like “I just remember how much he loves Sasuke” (kasi sobrang adik ako kay Sasuke Uchiha ng Naruto) or something like that. By then, I knew he was down. Again, he didn’t have any friends. I wasn’t talking to him. I was just walking past by him, not even looking at him. During those times I was still texting Jed. And my friends knew that. One time the council were distributing jerseys and t-shirts and I guess he was trying to reach out to me again, coz he asked me, “Nakuha mo na sayo?” and I just replied with a nod. I could just wonder until now what he thought about my friends teasing me with Jed. He probably didn’t care. Haha. I don’t know. Somehow, we got back together, coz he invited me to buy pandesal at Balolong’s, holding my hand once again. I looked at how he held me and felt the pain again. Coz I knew I was about to forgive him again. And he would do it again. And probably again. But I thought positive. I thought, “I should just be glad that I have him again.” Although, that was really stupid of me. So we got back together. He was sleeping over again. But there was still the Jed issue. And other girls issue. One time he was using my phone to make his lab manual, then suddenly, Jed called. He handed the phone to me with meaning, and walked out the door. I didn’t know what to say and do, but I answered anyway. I wonder what he thought about it. But it wasn’t unfair. Coz he was texting this ND Saira girl too. RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. ME. But I knew I didn’t have the right to get mad cause I knew I was texting Jed as well. But we were sleeping in the same bed every night. And every night, I think about how he was texting that girl. And I cry again. Silently. So quietly. So he wouldn’t hear me. So he wouldn’t know that I was losing the fight. For he didn’t care about me texting Jed. Me? I cared so much that he was fucking texting a girl in my presence. In my knowing. It was September 2015 when I started crying and crying and crying the way I do these days. See? it’s been a very long time since I’ve been suffering this way. The only difference then was that I didn’t want the world to know. I didn’t want him to know. While he was sleeping so quietly in the night, I was praying while breaking down, begging for the hurting to stop. Why was I hurting? Because I remember everything. And I was crying because I was smart enough to know that I should just break up with that person, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I would lose in either decision I make. And it was the worst thing that could happen to a person. To be ripped off the freedom to choose. Because either way you choose, you lose. I break down every night without a sound, while he was so soundly sleeping. Sometimes, I just wanted him to hug me in the night, but those times, he never did. He even turns his back on me at times. And then I would cry again. But I couldn’t complain. Coz I knew he would just get mad at me. One morning I asked him, “Why are you doing all this? Why are you neglecting me? Tell me now while I’m still sober.” And then he just replied, “Wala lang. Naisip ko lang na wala man din tayong pupuntahan.” And though it hurt so much, I knew and understand that he was right. So I accepted it, but right then, I knew that Jed was the problem. Then it was Christmas break of 2015, I sent a group message, saying something like, “If you’re doing this because you think I’d be taken by someone someday, well believe me when I say that you’re wrong.” And then something changed. He was texting me more often again, calling me “Baby” once again. And I could never explain how happy I was then. It was like the first time we texted each other. How sweet the messages were, how he greeted me every morning again, how he was so sweet when we sleep together again, how I got it all back. It went on like that for a while, then came fourth year and I lost his attention because he found a new group of friends. By then, I was the one with no friends. I was left out coz my group of friends either transferred to different schools, or were irregulars. I was counting on him that he wouldn’t leave me behind. That he would stay beside me all the time like he used to do when we were just starting to get closer to each other. That he would give the same affection he used to give me. That he wouldn’t leave me behind. Every night in our room, we would argue about that. And I would cry and cry and cry again. Because I was trying to ask why he’s leaving me behind. And who wouldn’t get hurt if the answer a person gives you is “Kasi may nakikita naman tayong bagong tao eh.” He even said it like he was so sick of me. That’s it. I was LITERALLY crying every single night because I kept on thinking he’s sick of me, he’s done with me coz he already got everything he wanted from me, he’s finally found friends so he’s leaving me behind now, and that he was just using me. It was just like that over and over and over again, every single night and day from July to September 2016. Imagine crying every single time throughout those months. I also understand him if he got stressed out – so much. I pitied him. I wished we would just be okay. I wished I would just forget about every bad thing he did. I wished I would just forget that he betrayed me a lot of times. I wished I would just lose my memory. I wished I’d forget. Then there came October. Internship. The worst thing that’s ever happened to my entire life. We were assigned to different hospitals. And I begged Maam Hazel secretly to place us in the same designation. I cried to her. But she didn’t let me. She told me to grow up. And growing up, she meant away from him. I cried so much. Ate Leah even comforted me, telling me to trust him. But there was no trust remember? I knew how he was. I knew him. I knew it was what he wanted. I knew it. I went with them to Gensan during their orientation coz we both wanted to spend time together till we both would be separated. We didn’t expect that we’d be going home by nighttime already. I was crying at the bus. Why? Coz I knew he didn’t care about us being separated. I was the only one who cared. At first he was comforting me. But I shoved his hands away coz I didn’t want to talk to him. I kept on crying, even harder, so he got mad at me, saying, “Bat kasi di mo matanggap tanggap na magkakahiwalay tayo?!” And so I punched him in the face. I broke his glasses and he bled – I didn’t mean to. When I broke his glasses, he told me, “Wag na wag kang magpakita sakin” and he transferred seats. That got me crying even harder. Apol and the others were then asking me what was going on. All of them were now circling me. When they all came to me to ask me, he came near as well, pretending to help me by picking up my bag. He was playing safe again. But what he said kept on ringing in my ears. “BAT DI MO KASI MATANGGAP TANGGAP NA MAGKAKAHIWALAY TAYO?!” So I kicked his head when he was leaning down. And all of them saw. And all of them saw me wrong and bad. They didn’t know that he yelled at me. They didn’t know what he said. They didn’t know. When the bus stopped, he just walked so fast away towards the terminal for Tacurong, never giving me the chance to talk to him. So I didn’t know what to do anymore. I walked and walked and walked, wanting to just die right then and there coz he just left me. He just left me there crying like shit. I understood that he needed to go home, but he could’ve just talked to me. He should’ve just talked to me. He should’ve just made it okay with me. But he left. And I couldn’t take it. By tomorrow, I begged him to make it okay with me. He was so determined to leave me. Probably because he knew that it was his chance to get away from me. Coz we’d finally get separated. I faced all my shame and begged him to stay with me. To still be my boyfriend. And after a while of torturing me, he finally said yes. Long story short I was already at Davao and he, at Gensan. I couldn’t eat. Coz I could imagine eating with him, but he wasn’t there. We always ate together. I couldn’t sleep in the night coz nobody was hugging me. I couldn’t stop crying because I knew we weren’t okay with each other. I kept on crying because whenever I call, he would get mad at me and tell me bye. He even texted me “MAKAUBOS KA NA NG PASENSYA. NAGADEMONYO AKO SA GALIT PAG IKAW KAUSAP KO”. And then I would cry again. (Sobra sobrang sakit) I tried to convince myself that when I’d finally get to the hospital, I’d be distracted and wouldn’t miss him too much. But I was wrong. Even at the hospital, I thought about what he said. And when I crossed the street, a car almost hit me. That’s when I thought that things couldn’t go on like that anymore. I begged Maam Hazel to transfer me to Gensan, not thinking about the shame anymore. She even told me, “Norsi! Bat sobrang nainlove ka na sa kanya and blah blah blah” I wasn’t totally in love. I wasn’t addicted. I wasn’t obsessed. I was just conditioned to his presence. He was my comfort zone. I was used to having him around in EVERYTHING I DO. I just NEEDED to be with him. So I got transferred to Gensan. He just came from his 16 hours duty so he was lying down the floor. I lied down beside him, hugging him, crying. I thought he would hug me back….but he didn’t. Instead, he got mad at me. “Ito yung sinasabi ko ba! Wag kang mag ganyan ganyan ha! Puta ka!” And I cried more, still hugging him. I cried, “Just treat me right, please. T_T That’s all I’m asking for. Just treat me right.” And he said, “Anong gusto mo?! Baby babyhin nanaman kita?! Gawin ko nanaman lahat ng gusto mo?!” I couldn’t take it anymore, so I went out. I didn’t sleep in the rooms. I slept at the couch. He didn’t even ask if I was doing fine. He just let me cry there while he went to sleep. By probably three in the morning, it was still dark, I was woken up by his presence. He lied behind me on the couch and hugged me. And I could never explain how happy I was for that. Then he told me to come with him and lay with him inside the room on the floor. It was okay for me to lie on the floor. It was okay that it was crampy and cold. As long as I was beside him and we were okay. By the morning I thought we were okay already. We even went to this internet café together. But later on, he was eating and he didn’t even invite me. Well he did, but I said I didn’t want to eat. And he just left it at that. And I wasn’t used to that. Him ignoring me. He even turned his back on me. So I cried again. And he asked me why I was crying. He was mad again because I was crying. We argued. Until he said… “Bat kasi di mo matanggap na ayaw ko na?” And I couldn’t take it, so I started packing my things, determined to leave him. I was crying, looking all messed up – he even said it – and called my mom to look for some place where I could stay in. He tried to stop me, telling me stop it. But I was determined to leave. And so I did. And he didn’t stop me anymore. For a week I stayed at my Ate Oske’s place, trying to be okay. I WAS okay. They made me laugh. They took me to places. They distracted me successfully from thinking about my heartbreak. But sometimes, I just couldn’t help but cry at night when I’m not doing anything. During the day, we would see each other on duty but we don’t talk. We would just walk past each other, not even looking. I was strong that time. Until I told Apol that I was planning to go back to the yellow house, and she said, “Ask mo si Ate Leah”. But then Ate Leah said something in the lines of “Masikip na” and the most hurtful part, “Saka yung pagtulog tulog mo dun Nors, ayaw din ng lahat ba. Pati ako. Kasi yung issue nyo.” Or something like that. So I confronted him about it. “Bat di mo sinabi na yan na pala ang iniisip ng mga kasama natin sa akin ha?! Traydor ka! I HATE YOU!” And he replied that he didn’t want to cause conflict and all that shit. By the morning, I was shocked to read a message from him. It was from last night but I was already sleeping. “Good Evening Bebe. I texted you this message knowing na tulog ka na and I just didn’t want this conversation to end in a fight again. I just want you to know na love na love ko parin ang bebe ko na pinakamalambing, pinakamabait, at pinakacaring na tao na nakilala ko. I just want you to know that I never ever forget all the good things that has happened to us. I wish you peace and happiness bebe. (Actually meron pa pero di ko na maalala haha.)” And it got me confused again. I told him we should talk. And so we did. I went to the yellow house coz he was alone there. We talked. And I asked what his plan was. I asked, “Anong gusto mong mangyari?” And he said, “Actually naisip ko man na makipagbalikan pero…” He pulled me closer, closer, and closer till I was sitting on top of him, facing him. He said, “Pinapakita ko lang na okay ako pero wala…” I told him, “Mag-decide ka na. Coz once I walk out that door, I’m never coming back to you.” He was silent for a while. I thought he didn’t want to get back with me so I started getting off of him, but he didn’t let me and pulled me back. “Do you want to get back with me?” I asked. And he said yes. Because I was living in some other place, we just had to meet each other every once in a while. One time when we went out on a date, he couldn’t go home coz the yellow house was far and tricycle drivers wouldn’t drive him. I walked up to him and said, “Samahan na lang kita para makasakay ka. Magpasundo na lang ako mamaya.” He hesitated for a moment, but he agreed anyway. I stayed at the yellow house for a while and we started watching a movie, then I saw Ate Leah’s text message to him. “Katigas gid ng ulo nyo ba. Pwede maghanap kayo ng lugar nyo?” And I immediately walked out. I cried again. Wala naman akong ginagawang masama dun ah. Di naman kami nakikipaglandian dun sa sala. May tao pa nga eh! And I was so mad at Ate Leah that I texted her, “Ikaw ate leah sabihin mo lang sakin kung ayaw mo sakin something3x”. I was crying and crying and crying. I walked, and walked, crying, but he didn’t follow me. He let me walk, crying and vulnerable in that long road, completely alone. That made me cry even harder. Then we had a meeting. And they all went against me. Ate leah and I yelled at each other. But one thing I could not forget and hurt me the most, was that even HE, went against me. Me: “OKAY LANG MAN KAMI!” Ate Leah: “TALAGA SHAN?! OKAY LANG KAYO?!” Him: “HINDI” LIKE FUCK! I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say and do. I wanted to slap him. I wanted to hit him in the face. I wanted to bury him alive. Then what was that message for? What was that talk we had? What were those dates we had? Like fuck! He was just trying to save himself… He was playing safe. Gusto nyang ipakita na nasa side sya nila. He’s like that. Ang ganda pa ng upo nya nung kinakalaban nya ako. Grabe ang bangayan namin ni Ate Leah. It hurt a lot kasi close kami ni Ate Leah dati, and minsan kinakausap nya ako about sa lalaki na yun, trying to teach me. Bumalik akong tumira sa yellow house, paying 20,000 for a single room. Grabe yung sacrifice na yun para sa parents ko. Bumalik ako kasi sabi nila, pupunta na dun si Maam Ivy and magiging often na ang quizzes namin. So magiging mahirap para sakin ang magpabalik-balik doon. So I went back there. Going back there was a mistake. Kasi dun na lumala ang lahat. Grabe parin ang bangayan namin. I would admit, kasalanan ko na yun. Kasi di ko sya maintindihan. Sinasabi nyang mahal nya ako pero di ko sya kayang paniwalaan. Kaya palagi na lang akong umiiyak. Bat nga ba palagi na lang akong umiiyak? Bakit ako umiiyak? Umiiyak ako kasi di ko kayang paniwalaan na mahal nya pa ako. Umiiyak ako kasi naaalala ko parin ang lahat ng panloloko nya sa akin. Umiiyak ako kasi hindi siya nagbabago. May isa pang babae syang gustong itext na gusto nyang hingiin ang number kay apol. Nabasa ko yun. And yun nanaman. Iyak nanaman. Naga wild ako dahil may sakit ako. Di dapat ako mastress. Di dapat ako pinahihirapan. Di dapat ako natritrigger. Kasi hypomanic ako. Bipolar II. OA kumbaga. Umiiyak ako kasi kahit nakikita na nya na umiiyak ako, kung anu-ano pa ang sinasabi nya. Nandun na ang lahat ng punyeta, and pagkamalas nya dahil sakin, lahat lahat. Nandun pa yung gusto nya akong saktan pero di rin naman nya tinutuloy. Bat ko sya sinasaktan? Why do I hurt the person I love so much, physically? Kasi di ko ma-take ang lahat ng sinasabi nya. Ikaw ba naman ang sabihan na nagademonyo ako sa galit pag ikaw ang kausap ko. Ikaw ba naman ang sabihan na iiwan ka – AFTER EVERYTHING?! Ikaw ba naman ang sabihan na ang malas ng buhay niya nang dahil sakin. Ikaw ba naman ang i-curse? Sabihan ng punyeta. Na di ko na sya makikita after nito and blah blah blah. Ikaw ba naman ang pilit suntukin sa mukha? Ikaw ba naman ang sabihan na magkalimutan na kayo. Pero one night, umiyak sya sakin. Humihingi ng patawad sa lahat ng ginawa nya. Hindi yun ang first na umiyak sya sakin. Ilang beses na. At alam ko kasalanan ko yun. Naaalala kong umiyak sya nung dati na nag-away kami sa apartment. Iyak ako ng iyak, tapos pinalabas ko sya. Ni lock ko yung door and hindi siya makapasok. I was crying and crying inside as he kept on knocking. Then suddenly, I stopped. Just like that. Not a sound heard from inside. He panicked. He started banging on the door. He sounded worried. And then suddenly, I was shocked to hear the door break at its knob. He kicked the door. He went over to me and checked me. Then he started crying, saying he thought I wasn’t breathing anymore. The next he cried was when the same thing happened. Nag-away kami kasi umuwi sya sa dorm nya and gusto ko dun sya matulog sa akin. Pero umuwi talaga sya sa dorm nya so I was sulking. Sulking to the point that I got myself drunk. Sinabi ng friends ko na nagawild ako sa dorm. So he came in to the rescue. Nag-away pa kami. The memories aren’t clear coz I was drunk at the time. But they told me he slapped me two times. Kinaladkad pa daw sa hagdan. Tinulak nya daw ako sa bed, and then I couldn’t breathe. Naga-violet na daw ako so grabe ang takot nya to the point na umiyak sya. The next one he cried over was when I told him na hindi sya makakasurvive sa course namin kung hindi dahil sakin. Sabi nya, “Grabe, ang bobo ko pala noh?” while crying. I felt guilty about that, a lot. So yun, that night sa yellow house, umiyak sya sakin. Nagsorry sya. Sorry daw kung sumuko sya. Sorry daw sa lahat ng bagay na ginawa nya sakin. Sorry daw sa lahat ng atraso nya sa akin. Nag explain sya na grabe na daw kasi ang stress nya kasi iyak na lang daw ako ng iyak araw araw. So yun. Nasabi nya na ayaw na nya. Hindi naman daw na ayaw na nya sakin. Ayaw nya lang sa nangyayari sa amin. And I understood that. Naging okay kami for a while. Nagdodota pa nga kami sa lynnet kasama nung mga friends nya eh. Until one night, he came into my room and said, “Ah, bebe. Gusto ko palang malaman mo na nalaman na nina mama ang lahat ng nangyari satin.” He was shaking a lot. He was so scared. That’s how he is. He’s scared shitless about his parents. The exact opposite of me. Me: “San si mama mo?” (Malungkot kong tanong) Him: “Pupunta daw sya dito bukas ng umaga. Me: Kung kakausapin nya ako, kakausapin ko na lang sya. Him: “Sige lang. Ako na ang bahala.” Me: “Ano man? Maghiwalay na lang tayo?” (I was hoping he’d say no.) Him: “Bebe, ginawa ko naman ang lahat para magtagal tayo ba.” And I knew what was to happen next. I was gonna lose him. I knew it. His mom called and he went out of my room. That was the last time I saw him… Until after two weeks. Dahil hindi parin ako nagiging okay, pinabalik na ako sa Marbel para dun na lang magduty. It hurt, pero tama naman sila eh. It’s for my own good. And para makagraduate lang ako. Nag-usap usap ang parents namin about sa amin dalawa. Grabe. Nagharapan talaga ang both sides ng family namin. And grabe ka-intense ng pag-uusap. Ang gusto ng parents ko, pakasalan nya ako kasi nga may nangyari na sa amin, at dapat pakasalan nya ako according to our traditions. Narinig ko pang sabi nya, “Yang tradition na yan mapapakain nyo sa amin?!” And it was true, pero masakit parin na marinig yun. Hanggang sa ang napag-agreehan ay dun na rin sya magduduty sa Marbel kasama ko, para fair. Dahil yun ang kagustuhan ng parents ko. Tapos sabi ng parents nya, pag-usapan na lang daw ang kasal pag makatapos kami mag-aral. A part of the agreement was that I wasn’t allowed to talk to him, and so was for him to me. And because of my pride, I even said, “Kahit hindi ko pa sya tingnan kung yun ang gusto nyo.” And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my whole life. Nagduduty kami sa CTDL nang hindi nag-uusap. Hindi kami nagtitinginan. Hindi kami magkasama. SO different from how we used to be. Lahat ng classmates namin na nagduduty doon, iniintriga ako about sa nangyayari sa amin. Sobrang sakit na kailangan mong magpretend na okay lang sayo ang mga nangyayari, pero ang sinsabi ko na lang sa kanila, “I hate him. So I’m okay,” ang napakapait na kasinungalingang sinasabi ko every time may nagtatanong sa akin. Sabi ko sa parents ko hindi ko kaya yung mga nangyayari. And tama sya. What I want, I get. So nag-usap usap nanaman ang parents namin. Pinipilit nanaman ng parents ko na pakasalan nya ako. Pero grabe rin ang mama nya. Pinapakita nya talaga na ayaw nya sakin. Pero actually okay lang. No, hindi sya actually ok. Nakakahurt yung mga pinagsasasabi nya sakin, pero nirerespeto ko parin sya, because she’s the mother of the person I loved the most. Nandun na yung sinabihan nya ako na bwiset na bwiset na sya sa akin. Na ayaw nya sakin para sa anak nya. Na hiya hiya rin daw pag may time. Na magkaroon din daw ako ng delikadesa (I couldn’t quite understand that). Basta marami. Pero infairness sa mother niya, may mga times din naman na okay kami pag nag-uusap sa phone. Ginaguide nya ako about sa relationship namin. Pero most of the time talaga nakakahurt sya eh. Nakakahurt sya magsalita pero tinatanggap ko na lang. Back to the story, ang napag-agreehan is hayaan kami na ayusin ang relationship namin. Na hindi daw makikialam ang parents namin sa relasyon namin. At first, it worked out. Nagkita kami sa school ulit after Christmas vacation, January 4, and he was the first one to talk to me. “Nakakain ka na?” I nodded. He did too. I didn’t know what to say next, but he beat me to it. “Anong nangyari sa mata mo?” I answered, “Sinuntok ako ng kapatid ko.” And it was true. My brother really did punch me in the eye. And it turned bloody red. He said, “Ha? Napadoktor mo na yan?” “Oo.” “Mabuti.” And the convo ended there. Our friends were shocked to see us talking to each other, but I left it as it was. Di na ako nag explain masyado. Basta ang sabi ko okay na kami. Naging okay nga kami, pero di ko parin maiwasan umiyak. Ewan ko ba. Nagrereplay kasi lahat ng mga pangyayari sa utak ko eh. Di ko kayang maniwala na okay kami. Di ko kayang maniwala na okay lang sya sakin. Na gusto nya pa ako. Na mahal nya pa ako. Di ko kayang maniwala dahil di sya kapanipaniwala. So iyak parin ako ng iyak most of the time. At every time na umiiyak ako, nasestress parin sya. And pinapagalitan nya ako, so the more kami na nag-aaway. (THE WHITE VAN SCENE) One time, nagrereview kami kay Sir mandy about blood banking. Hinihiram ko yung phone nya. Ayaw nyang ibigay. So nagclick na sa utak ko na may katext sya na ayaw nyang ipakita sa akin. Pinagalitan nya pa ako kasi mapilit daw ako. Until he got sick of me nagging him about his phone and he gave it to me forcefully. Masakit, physically, pero okay lang. At least binigay nya. And I was right, may mga katext nga sya. “Akin na,” pagalit nyang sabi. Pero di ko binigay yung phone. Tamang tama patapos na yung review. Lumalabas na ang mga classmates namin sa room. Yun, nakagawa kami ng scene kasi pinipilit nyang kunin yung phone sa akin. And ayaw kong ibigay. Bat ayaw kong ibigay? Kasi gusto ko pa syang kausapin about doon sa mga texts, and I knew that the moment I would give him the phone, he’s just gonna run away and escape from my questions. Galit na galit sya. Kahit na nasasaktan na nya yung kamay ko because he was gripping it too hard, wala syang paki, makuha lang yung phone nya. My friends went near, but they couldn’t do anything kasi ayaw nilang makialam. Sana nga nakialam na lang sila eh. Para may magdefend naman sa akin. Pero I understand kung bakit ayaw nila. I even called for Ate Leah’s help, kahit di kami okay that time, kasi grabe na kasakit ng kamay ko sa hawak nya. Akala ko makikinig sya kay Ate Leah pero wala ring nagawa si Ate Leah. Di ko talaga binigay yung phone, hanggang sa nakalabas kami sa room, and we stayed there sa second floor ng SLR. We started quarreling. He said, “Kabwiset na buhay to,” and it hurt a lot. He was sitting, and I was standing, crying, and didn’t know what to say. I asked who the hell those girls were, and ang sabi nya, nakilala nya daw sa Gensan. Like wow. Palagi pa naman syang pumupunta ng Gensan kasi nagpapa-Check up daw sya. Ganon? Tapos pinapakita nya sakin sa Marbel na okay kami? Naglalandian parin? Gumagawa parin ng mga bagay na di na namin dapat ginagawa? Gusto nya akong suntukin. He brought his fist really close to my face, but I stood firm. I showed him that I wasn’t scared of him. Truly I wasn’t scared kasi alam ko naman na di nya ako kayang saktan, pero behind that strong mask that I put up, was the pain brought about by the fact na sya na nga ang may kasalanan, ako pa dapat ang gusto nyang saktan. Nagsabi pa sya na, “Kung di lang!” Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang karugtong nun. Napagod akong makipag-away, so I started walking away, and put his phone inside my bag para di nya makuha. I walked and walked and walked towards the CTDL, constantly saying “Wag kang mag-make ng scene” sa kanya. Tumatahimik din sya, keeping up with my pace. Hanggang maabot namin yung door ng CTDL and he grabbed my hand, not wanting me to get out kasi nasa labas lang ang van namin. “Akin na yung phone ko!!” “Get off of me!!” (Inglisera kasi ako eh. haha) Pilit nya akong hinila-hila. And wala man lang tumulong sa akin sa mga kaibigan ko. Tiningnan lang nila ako as he was pulling and grabbing me and preventing me to get out and reach the van. Ibibigay ko naman sana yung phone eh. Naprovoke lang ako na di ibigay nung hinila hila nya ako. Tinawag ko si Marko pero tiningnan nya lang ako. Tinawag ko si Maam Kat pero late na syang tumayo. I managed to get out. Pero lumabas din sya at hinila-hila ako. Kahit yung mga bantay ko sa van di rin ako natulungan. Kainis. Nabitawan nya lang ako nung nirescue na kami ni Maam Hazel at Sir Mandy. Which was so nakakahiya by the way. Nakapasok ako sa van namin, still crying. Parang ako pa yung naging masama sa nangyari sa amin. Pinagalitan ako ni Mam Hazel. Parang nainsulto pa ako. Pero sige lang sabi ko. If no one would understand me, I know God does. I gave him his phone back, and the van left. And I looked back, seeing our classmates surrounding him. Di ko na alam kung ano pa ang pinag usap-usapan nila doon. Even after that, naging okay parin kami. Ewan ko kung paano. Ganun lang kasi talaga eh. Nagiging okay lang kami bigla even after a very strong fight. Long story short, malapit na ang graduation. I was so scared that he would leave me after graduation so I made him promise to me, “Promise me you’re not gonna leave me after this,” and he said, “Promise.” I knew right then and there that he was going to break that promise again like all the other promises he broke before. And I was right. After graduation, wala na. Di ko na sya nakita pa up until now. Nagkita lang kami one time, pero nag away lang kami kasi ayaw na daw nya talaga. Tapusin na daw namin. Nagkagulo pa kami nun kasi hinila hila sya nung pinsan ko na lalaki na kasama ko that time. But I couldn’t take it. I still defended him. And after that day. Well, di ko na siya nakita. Di ko narin siya macontact. Wala na. Sinulat ko to hindi dahil nagpapaawa ako. Sinulat ko to hindi dahil gusto kong pasamain ang image nya. Sinulat ko to kasi gusto kong maintindihan niyo kung bat ako nagkakaganito. I want you to know my side of the story. He can tell his if he wants. And Ii would understand. My problem is that I’m up against my own self. I remember everything. I’m being tortured by my own brain. I’m tortured by the memories. I’m tortured by the looks people give me. I’m tortured by my illness. I’m tortured by what he did to me. Kung tingin nyo kasalanan ko ang lahat ng nangyari, okay lang. Naiintindihan ko. Kung kasalanan naman niya, hayaan nyo na lang. Ang gusto ko na lang ngayon, sana maintindihan nyo ako. Yun lang. Salamat. I’ve said sorry to the people whom I used to be friends with before. And I’ve gained those friendships back. People have said sorry to me too, and I have accepted those apologies wholeheartedly. I’m just glad I’m okay now. To him, thank you. God sent you to me to make me stronger. To teach me a lesson. I learned that now. I’ve accepted that you’re gone. I’ve accepted that this is life, and this is how it is. If I disappointed anyone, my family, my friends, my teachers, and my classmates, I am deeply sorry. If you hate me, I’m sorry. Though I know there’s not a chance that we can still be friends in the future seeing as how we can never fix our mistakes, I still hope for peace upon both of us. I’ve just gone through a lot and do thankful that I’m still alive today. This all has a purpose. What that purpose is, I still have no idea. Pero sana, all these happened for a very good reason. Sana. Sana. Okay na ako bebe. Promise. Let’s be both happy. ^_^

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