#there are many people coming to this show just lacking the perspective to actually engage with it

[iwtvdramacd18]

Ok no more white people can watch amc iwtv we've had enough we've reached the quota thank you....

[louisisalarrie]

hey! asian fan here :) saw your anon abt the tour! to answer your question, no, there weren’t any other big acts touring here at the time. the general consensus among fans here was that the initial shows were cancelled due to lack of sales. i think most people were angry about how late the cancellation came (around a week before iirc?) and how louis barely gave any explanation 😭 i didn’t have tickets to those shows but i 100% understand where they were coming from. i also think it was an accumulation of the unfair treatment asia was getting from his and his team over the years that pushed people over the edge (completely leaving us out of aotv for instance…) but anyway, i ended up getting tickets to jakarta show last january (flew in from another asian country) just because i was worried he’d never come back here again after how bad sales were :( even the jakarta show with around 1k capacity wasn’t sold out ☹️ really sad but like your last anon said, i can see why. i agree that he should’ve chosen another country (mine 🤣 but i might just be biased)

it was really nice to hear your input as well!!! what do you think he and his team can do to improve the situation?

hello my dear, and thank you for bringing some more info and wanting to chat!!!

I think he could engage with the Asia market more than he does - from a business perspective, there is a lot of money and opportunity in Asia, and the music scene is continuously growing and expanding there and obviously a lot of music lovers are there. 1d had a killer time in Asia, really took it by storm in so many countries. I mean, different story to solo Louis, but still, you know what I mean. The market and demand is there, and he’s not filling it to his highest potential.

I think, the best thing here, is to actually ask you what he could do. What would you like louis to do in terms of Asia engagement? Or engagement with your country and people in the fandom who you know? What would get you to immediately buy tickets? Because as much as I can sit here and talk about marketing, artist to fan relationships, and promo opportunities, the most important thing to understand demand is to ask the fans what they want. It’s something that can be ignored or overlooked by artists and their teams, simply because they don’t know the answer.

They can’t use the same formula for every artist, but sometimes they base their strategy a little too similarly to other artists (whether they are a similar level of fame/genre/have a similar demographic etc.), to use as a bit of a guideline. It’s not how it works but it’s an easy reference point and while referring to other artists in a similar territory with similar career based attributes is hugely important for routing, marketing, research etc., what really matters, is what the fans for that specific artist want.

So tell me, sweet anon, what do you think Louis should do to get you engaged further with his content/sell more tickets to his shows/get Asia a little more excited for him? Let’s chat!

[poplohours]

feeling annoyed by fandom again so i just want to think about the agony of narcissistic abuse in AA4 and how all the fathers/older figures (yes including nick) ultimately show negative behaviors that have harmed the younger person they have cared for or mentored lol. i think i remember someone getting really mad about me mentioning covert incest in the context of AA4, but Boy what the fuck is the point of media if you don't talk about what's difficult in life, if you don't find vectors to seriously discuss complex relationships between adults and children, fathers and daughters (nick and trucy).

When I say 'covert incest', I don't mean hidden incest in the literal term, but rather emotional incest. Emotional incest is a really meaningful term, even if people despise having to look at the word incest, because the issue of emotional abuse wherein parents overly depend on their own children is not something many people are able to broadly conceptualize! It isn't something that is usually done in a malicious way, either -- many parents who do that are frequently themselves struggling with trauma, lack of direction, insecurities, and other struggles. However, the issue therein is they depend on a child for support rather than an adult of their own age or social position. This often coincides with a condition that we do call Parentification -- something I think is more well-known as a term, as it is when a child is forced to grow up too quickly as extreme responsibilities beyond their years are placed upon them.

I realize it may seen strange or extreme for me to discuss this in the context of such a silly series as Ace Attorney, but it is an issue that frequently appears in the game. Mia is left to be a parent figure to Maya before leaving to become an attorney, leaving Maya primarily in the care of their aunt who loathes them both. Maya ends up being a major caretaker of Pearl, despite herself still being a teenager, after Morgan is imprisoned. Maya ends up managing many office affairs on behalf of Nick because while he is an adult with a law degree, he simply accepts her help and aid rather than actually engaging with her as the child she is (something he will frequently do through the series). Kristoph appears to have somewhat of a parental relationship with Klavier (though I recognize this is up for debate and open to interpretation), actively gaslighting and undermining him in a court of law as well as using Klavier's teenage desire to feel equal to his older brother for his own benefit years prior.

I could very likely go on in this matter, but I do think that these issues are most encapsulated by Nick and Trucy. You could also engage with this at the level of Drew and Vera, Lamiroir and Machi, Klav and Kristoph (as previously noted), and Zak and Trucy.

However, while all of those are relevant, Drew wants to protect his daughter despite his failures in depending on her, even if it means the two of them completely shutting themselves off from the world. While Lamiroir is travelling with a 14 year old that she is utilizing as her primary music partner before essentially ending her parental relationship after Machi is imprisoned. Zak does still act as a father to Trucy in the midst of being actively blackmailed by Magnifi -- while it is unreasonable that Trucy has to perform as an eight year old, she is also the granddaughter of Magnifi and (from Magnifi's perspective) the one left to inherit the Gramarye name. Zak's situation has a deeply complicated nature because Magnifi is playing a part in Trucy being a performer -- this is one of the reasons why I don't read Zak's influence as 'parentification' in the same way, even though I do think he and Magnifi did ultimately groom Trucy to be too accepting of this role from a young age.

That brings me to Nick. I do believe it is easy to play off many of the lines that come up. Trucy "takes charge" of the situation, saying that she can take care of Nick even if he doesn't have a job anymore. She's already done shows and is prepared. However, we already know from the future that Nick did take her up on this. She calls herself his 'sugar daddy'. Again, this can be taken as a joke. But Trucy does regular shows at the Wonder Bar advertising her 'Magic Panties', which comes up frequently as something that makes Apollo actively uncomfortable. It is, of course, another 'joke', but the fact that the game does lean so much into Apollo being uncomfortable about Trucy's 'panties' frankly speaks to me as Shu Takumi failing to recognize the discomforting implications of his supposed gag.

Especially when you do have to find an adult woman's actual underwear.

I'm sure people would call me insane for this, but Trucy's Magic Panties show reads to me as a light form of sex work. That's how her show is "sold" and "advertised". The funny joke is that it isn't at all what people would expect -- the funny joke is that people expect it to be the underwear of a 15 year old girl that they are willingly coming to see. "It's a joke", someone would gladly tell me, "Don't read into it so much." And yet this is the kind of thing that matters to me. The implications of this matter and the fact that Apollo is the one sane person in the room who says, "What the hell, don't talk about this, she's a kid" stick in my brain and vibrate with such aggressive intensity that I do feel insane. It feels like horror. It feels like tragedy.

There are so many lines that come up about Trucy and Nick's relationship which border this sense of Nick's unhealthy dependency on her.

Apollo: So you're his, er... you're Phoenix Wright's daughter? Trucy: That's right! After Daddy quit law seven years ago... ...I promised I would keep him fed! So I'm kind of his sugar daddy! Get it? Apollo: No. Trucy: I'm in charge of this whole office, too. Pretty amazing for a young lass of fifteen, wouldn't you agree!?

This early exchange from 4-2 immediately presents Nick and Trucy's relationship as one that centers Trucy's caretaking for her father and the office. It is a talent agency where she is the only one good at her "actual talent" (though she is careful not to mention her father's Poker job), it is an agency where she is meeting new people by herself, it is an agency where a 15 year old girl is managing the office at 9:00 AM rather than being at school. "Well, that doesn't matter, because Takumi didn't intend for it to be like that." What is the point of engaging with a piece of media if we cannot consider the serious implications of that which an author (especially one as misogynistic as Takumi) failed to consider?

Apollo: Mr. Wright's bed... It's really messy. Trucy: Look how messy this is! You're just hopeless without me, aren't you, Daddy? Apollo: (Yikes! She's attempting to clean up! Look out!) Phoenix: Ah ha ha. You got me. What can I say? I was raised in a barn. Try not to let word get out, Apollo. If you don't mind.

There are several bits at the hospital that broadly feel improper for a child and a parent -- again, I know someone could say to me, "This is part of the act that Trucy and Nick are putting together to hook Apollo into working for them." The problem is, these things are already rooted in the very moment that Nick took in Trucy. "You're just hopeless without me" alongside 8 year old Trucy saying, "I'll take care of you" speaks to that exact idea of emotional incest of which their interactions remind me.

Phoenix: Yeah... That's the problem with such a tight operation. It's a symbiotic relationship. When one of us falls, the other, too, must fall... Apollo: Hey! This isn't exactly a suitable conversation to be having with a 15 year old kid!

"It's a symbiotic relationship." This is one of the lines I always come back to when thinking about the issue of emotional incest. There's one aspect here wherein Trucy has taken on a maternal role for Nick. However, there's another aspect in the inappropriate way that Nick refers to their relationship. There is no such thing as a 'symbiotic' relationship to this context -- he's talking about dependency. At this point in time, Nick is aware that Apollo is Trucy's brother. Due to that, he would also know that Apollo grew up as an orphan. When Apollo pushes back, it feels like Nick wants to play into that potential for insecurity. There's a double-pronged horror to me within this, using the potential well-being of an adopted teenager against a young adult man who himself was never adopted.

Phoenix: Sometimes when magicians vanish, they leave something behind... That's how Trucy became Trucy Wright... my daughter. To be honest, I was pretty lost those first few days. Thinking back on it, it was a pretty dark time in my life. But Trucy... happy, smiling Trucy... she was my light.

"She was my light."

There's a way within emotional incest that a parent or adult figure will frame their child in the lens of a relationship inappropriate for their status. Oftentimes, this is akin to a 'romantic' projection, but it can have similar ranges within the idea of placing a child upon a pedestal as a savior. I recognize that a parent could say this without meaning for it to be an unhealthy projection, but this is inherently dehumanizing. I find it further frustrating because Nick also frames himself as the "one person who understands how she really feels". He knows that she's forcing a smile and hiding her true feelings, but he still engages with her ability to hide her own heart as a thread to hang on. Is that love? Yes, of a sort.

But Nick's love is self-serving. It is one that expresses need rather than external concern. His own feelings and goals come before her safety and well-being. He leaves Trucy on her own, he knows the very core of her magic panties act, he actively allows her to manage the agency, he assigns a greater responsibility than anyone should to a 15 year old, and effectively replaces her with Athena once the option arrives. Nick wanted to "restore" his reputation -- at least, that is one of the major assumptions made by fandom -- and so he did. He no longer needs her in the same way because it can now be a law agency again, he has the respect he wanted, and ultimately her "reward" is being relegated to the side. The people he wanted to have back in his life have returned. That isolation he once felt that led to his complete dependence on her has disappeared, but that means she no longer has the same use she once had. Enmeshment, emotional manipulation, the covert nature of it all -- it is a tragedy and it is one I find compelling as she jumps into the deep-end as she tries to take on the Gramarye name once again. As her father goes his own way and the Wright Anything Agency is subsumed by him.

[lunar-years]

you have really fantastic thoughts and are very insightful and well spoken! I agree with you about a lot of what you said- corporations being the number one polluter but blaming individual people as a distraction, the type of discourse you’re willing to engage with, etc.

I will say my biggest issue with TS right now is still her lack of stance on palestine. I totally get that it’s kind of odd to look to celebrities for guidance on geopolitical issues… but then I think about her impact. she is the number one artist in the world. just her instagram post telling people to register to vote was a huge deal! her voice could be soooo impactful to the people suffering from literal genocide and yet… radio silence. I guess that just really rubs me the wrong way. when does PR strategy become less important than speaking out against genocide? I just wonder what impact on the public opinion of the war she could have if she just spoke out, or even showed solidarity with the ceasefire now movement in some way!

I will also say I do agree with a lot of the criticism surrounding her behavior at the grammy’s. I love TS but like… time and place beloved. I 100% understand why people are frustrated by that as well. and I do agree that she has weaponized misogyny as a defense against critiques. it’s not misogynistic to be critical of the things I mentioned. especially when she has so much actual misogyny coming at her lol.

anyways, thank you for receiving my rant. it’s always so nice to hear your thoughts, you’re truly very smart and well informed!!!

of course, thanks for sending me your thoughts! ❤️ I think it can be understandably be very frustrating to know someone has a massive platform they aren't using to speak out on important issues. It's disappointing to know that were she to say something, it could make a big difference, yet she's choosing not to. I get that, and if that's where your line in the sand is for why you can't support her/enjoy her music/whatever, I absolutely get that too and I completely respect that standpoint.

My thoughts basically boil down to...

1) Taylor's big platform comes from being an artist/singer/songwriter/performer, not from speaking out on world affairs or political & humanitarian issues. She's an entertainer. It can really suck to come to terms with this, but in my opinion (and again, I totally understand if someone disagrees with me here), she isn't obligated to be that person. it isn't her job, and she's never claimed it to be. We can not like it (I personally would love it if she were more outspoken), but I do not demand that she speaks out, because I have decided it is something I willing to accept about who she is so as to still remain a fan of hers. A person shouldn't have to be everything to everyone just because they are famous.

2) Again people are going to disagree with me here, but I cannot express to you how much rather I would her not speak on something she isn't adequately informed on over her saying the wrong things very loudly. I have no idea how well informed Taylor is about what's going on in the world, because she is not exactly forthcoming, lol, so I don't want to say i don't trust her to say the right things, but...well. The last thing we need is misinformation being spread around by more celebrities who didn't check their facts or source their knowledge, at which point the discussion online shifts into bandwagon hating of celebrities and away from the actual issues themselves.

3) This could very well come from me running in Taylor fan circles online and therefore seeing more Taylor content that anyone elses, but from my perspective this kind of criticism is disproportionately lobbed at Taylor Swift over others high-level celebs. Many celebs haven't spoken out, many celebs fly their private jets excessively (and are in fact bigger carbon-emitters than taylor) yet don't receive the same energy in terms of widespread online disapproval. In some cases, it absolutely feels like an instance of "I already hate her and this gives me a reason to feel justified in that hatred and get more people on my side!" Again, there are people online more focused on calling out and canceling celebrities than helping the causes they claim to care about so passionately. Our effort should be on elevating the platforms of people who know what they're talking about, on the voices of the Palestinian people and the reporters and activists striving to be heard, rather then demanding people with existing platforms (from being musicians, no less, lol) speak out about things they don't the first thing about it.

The criticism of Taylor I most agree with is the stuff that involves her being a hypocrite. Like, there's no doubt that she calls on feminism when it benefits and conveniences her and largely drops it the rest of the time, which definitely does rub me the wrong way. For instance, the press article after the ratty breakup that was all, "No one would be treating me like this if I were a MAN" was deeply misguided and wack, lol, based on the (incorrect) assumption that people hated that she'd had a rebound boyfriend as opposed to the reality, which was that people hated the fact that she'd associate so closely with an undeniably abhorrent person. Like Taylor, in this case this is not about you being a woman, and you are absolutely deflecting from valid critique aimed your way. For instance, how you can claim to care about and protect your POC and black fans and then date someone who's a blatant racist? Similarly, her claiming to want to be more outspoken in Miss Americana and then never following through from that point on, it's very disappointing! She shouldn't say she wants to be more involved and then never get more involved. She shouldn't use politics for clout then drop it when she feels she no longer needs it.

Curious about what rubbed you the wrong way about the Grammys? Was it the album announcement or her alleged Celine Dion snub? My thoughts on the Celine thing are: She clearly hadn't expected to win, she was overwhelmed and excited and didn't even have a prepared speech, and whilst it was definitely a misstep in the moment, it was a human one, and it's very clear they talked backstage, Celine posted the picture of them, and there seems to be absolutely no hard feelings between the women actually involved, so to me it's a complete non-issue. My thoughts on the Grammys album announcement: It was for the fans, not the people in the room. It was also her time on a stage to say what she pleased! She was being recognized! So I don't think it detracted from anyone else's moment in the spotlight. Fans online got excited, but it's not like people stopped caring about anyone else at the Grammys or the other major performances/moments, lol. Also, it's not so different from Beyonce announcing her album during the Super Bowl. A bit wrong time wrong place? maybe, but it's all meant in good fun. It is music, the grammys are a celebration of music, we are here to have fun! A very low-stakes issue for me.

[ducktracy]

I don’t want to go too in-depth about this because I don’t want to come off as hateful towards TLTS however I will say (with no disrespect towards people that like it and esp not the people that worked on it) that I feel the reason for its sudden resurgence has less to do about the show *in particular* but more how it presents the Looney Tunes cast in a consistent domestic setting with consistent characters—which is much more easily consumable for fandom than shorts with VERY little continuity and characterizations that could depend on director, year, or even just that short.

this has been ruminating in my inbox since July (and i am SO SORRY… i have 200+ unanswered asks + DMs i promise it is not a purposeful disregard i’m just busy and easily distracted :’)) and i wanted to hold onto it just because 1) people who have been following me for quite awhile know my opinions on TLTS by now and i don’t want to keep beating a dead horse and 2) i feel a little guilty critiquing it because a lot of complaints do come to personal taste and i don’t want to discredit the work that went into the show… and also just know it’s a pretty beloved staple by fandom spaces and don’t want to engage in any drama.

BUT! i figured i’d throw my two cents in now because i’ve been doing a rewatch with a friend who hasn’t seen it before/only exposure to LT is through me (and rewatch as in not just skimming the Porky and Daffy episodes like i have been doing after i first finished the show in 2019) and i think it’s helped to give me a bit of a new perspective through a fresh pair of eyes

i agree with your point 100000000% and can’t say anything you didn’t already say better. i also sense that it’s easier to get into as an “outsider”. the more i delve into TLTS, the less i find myself enjoying it, but i CAN laugh at it if i distance myself enough from the source material/integrity of the characters at hand. i could definitely see myself enjoying it much more if these were different character altogether… but that i make such a mental compromise to begin with (which is more of a “me” problem than with the actual show) obviously demonstrates some disenfranchisement with the show. if i truly just try to view it for what it is, i find myself laughing at it much more. it does have some genuinely funny writing and i am a sucker for Jessica Borutski’s designs in the first season

going back to my earlier point though, i think it’s easier for people to get into who aren’t familiar with the characters. LT is a strange beast in that i think it’s structure (or lack thereof) is alien to a lot of people so used to serialization/episodic formats nowadays that have some semblance of continuity. in the originals, the characters differ depending on the director, the writer, the culture of the time, etc. even, say, two Daffy shorts released in the same year by the same director can drastically differ if they’re written by two different writers (like compare a Daffy short written by Mike Maltese to one written by Tedd Pierce, even if it was by the same director at the same time. there are going to be different approaches and nuances.)

as such, these characters are a lot more abstract and difficult to pin down. sure, there are recurring traits; Bugs is almost always witty and sharp in some way. Daffy is one of the most varied characters in the history of animation, but remains a lack of impulse control/general charisma throughout his career. while Porky has a tendency to get swept up in violent impulses depending on the context/director/writer, he is generally approached as mild mannered. there are definite traits that are identifiable, but these traits are INCREDIBLY malleable. the original shorts are so dependent on the context of their creators, their background, their culture that it’s impossible to view them from a lens of sheer objectivity. especially with the original shorts boasting so many different attitude and approaches at the same time! these cartoons are built on variety and subjectivity

therefore, i think modern audiences aren’t exactly equipped for this/such a format is understandably alien. and on social media especially, in a day and age where we feel we have to rationalize and justify our every waking thought, movement, impulse and so on, we try to make an explanation for everything or simplify something down so it fits our above strife for objectivity. what i’m getting at is that i think it’s (understandably) difficult for people to accept this at times contradictory variety, and it’s more comfortable to pin these characters down to easy, simple, identifiable traits and buzzwords. however, the original characters were not made with this train of thought in mind. and because the originals are so full of nuance and personal experience and background and so on, it’s nearly impossible to replicate that to the same effect

so, TLTS simplifies. Bugs is now the aggravated straight man who just wants to be left alone. Daffy is an inconsiderate, idiotic rube. Porky is a complete pushover who is made to be the butt of the joke many times to a degree that is even unintentional. little personality traits exuded in the originals (Chuck Jones’ interpretations of Bugs and Daffy, the former just wanting to find peace and messing with his adversaries if only provoked, Daffy letting his impulses get the best of him and come off as inconsiderate in the name of self preservation, Porky’s mild manners being misconstrued for a lack of self defense) are filtered through a more objective lens that can be digested by audiences with more ease—especially audiences unaccustomed to the nuances of the originals.

i was surfing around the TLTS wiki one day and saw something that mentioned (paraphrasing of course) “Tina’s hairstyle is ‘the Rachel’ style, based off of Rachel from Friends” and while it was just an innocuous sentence likely included with no real basis behind it, i think it perfectly described my issues with the show. instead of allowing these characters to exist on their own or own up to their genuine roots, purposeful sitcom clichés and other brief summations of characters are applied instead. rather than letting Tina exist as her prototypal self (RIP Marisol Mallard) which was arguably more unique, we give her “the Rachel” because it’s an identifiable synonym with sitcoms and comedic shenanigans and therefore clues the audience that, hey! this is a wacky sitcom. and i agree that is a smart association, but it just feels like an injustice. the LT characters are approximations and buzzwords rather than a genuine demonstration of what made them so compelling and iconic in the first place

please note that despite my ramblings about objectivity vs subjectivity, this is all just my opinion and i again feel a bit remorseful for even expressing it. i truly do think the show is funny on its own and am always happy to see increased interest in the franchise. i know the decisions and work behind the show were not as cut and dry as “Tina has a similar hairstyle to a fictional sitcom icon therefore the show is a representation of sitcom clichés”, and as a person who works on cartoons myself and understands the thought and care that go into these decisions i feel responsible for my armchair diagnosing. so, i ask that you take all of this with a grain of salt. it’s 99% my own opinion speaking. but i cannot agree with your original point enough, and feel that it is a show so unobjectively worshipped through its ease of access thanks to a comparative lack of complexity (as well as the fact that it’s not 1944 anymore and our media landscape/culture and how we interpret said media is much different now than it was then.)

i think it’s a show that presents the characters in a way where they’re easier to accept at face value, and it’s easier to follow that rather than look at a smorgasbord of options and backgrounds and base your opinions off of that. a lot of the original shorts have impressions of the characters rely on nuances, implications, and subtleties that go unspoken. shows and cartoons are much more dialogue driven and objective and often explicitly state how the audience should feel about the characters rather than, again, letting them make those decisions for themselves, which i feel is another point in why the show is so easy to digest.

i’ve rambled WAY TOO MUCH! i again ask once more that you take none of this as fact HAHA. it’s just my pure opinion and outlook, and i’m certainly not without my bias. i’m happy so many people love the show and hope more continue to do so, and i’m enjoying my rewatch of it through a fresh pair of eyes. i just get so caught in particulars that it’s hard for me to enjoy to the fullest extent because of the aforementioned aspects. but again, genuine positivity outweighs negativity, and the fans who love the show and get something meaningful out of it definitely trump my old man yells at cloud bitching. if it gets people into noticing these characters and checking out the originals, that’s all i can ask for

[outrunningthedark]

Maybe I’m too malicious, but even when I thought 911 og was almost perfect (aka until s3) I saw tarlos as the alternative of buddie, like tim saw how much we loved buddie and thought “ they will never get buddie, but here comes tarlos” and imo it reflects even how in LS everything is done to please the audience while in the og the opposite happens

I think "malicious" is too strong a word, nonnie. Let's go with pessimistic. Or maybe skeptical. Like I said the other day, I don't *normally* engage in the discussion because you're bound to ruffle feathers on both sides and it's just not worth the trouble! However. IMO, the message from Buddie fandom gets lost in translation no matter which ship fans support. When people said/say "Tarlos is the alternative to Buddie", what they're NOT saying is that it's a carbon copy. "Tarlos can't be like Buddie because Tarlos isn't a slow burn." Yeah, we got that part. It's probably on purpose. Who knows if Timothy really was/is trying to pacify the Buddie fan base by creating a new m/m ship for a new show, but what I *am* confident in is the idea that he gave the audience (many of whom came from OG) a m/m ship involving two younger actors that was established from the start to gauge viewer reaction. (Remember, LS premiered during s3 of OG.) (Looking back) If Tarlos caught on, that would/should have given Tim & co. (re)assurance that taking a chance on Buddie wouldn't drive away too many viewers since they were hoping for overlapping ratings from one hour to the next. In all honesty, I think it's easier for Tim & that crew to appease the LS audience when Tarlos has always been part of the plot. They don't have to deal with accusations of queerbaiting and the fans welcome more content (I mean, the homophobes didn't make it past the first two episodes, lbr), whereas with OG we've got people getting heated if you are rooting for the "obviously" straight dude to end up with another. With OG, on the other hand, the showrunners are so concerned with pissing off either side of their audience (can't confirm Buck and Eddie as not straight because homophobia, but don't want the Buddie fandom to feel like we're "doing something wrong" by wanting them together) that the story has begun to suffer due to a lack of consistency. [And that's not just a shipper's perspective. We might question whether Buddie is "actually going canon", but the GA? They don't even know whether to call them best friends anymore.]

[justcallmecappy]

You know, sometimes I wish that we'd actually had Bethany becoming an active part of the rebellion in DA2, but then I remember that she'd absolutely be demonised for it and the fandom would turn on her in a flash like they do with any other vocally pro mage characters like Anders,Fiona or Adrian.

In my personal headcanon, a Circle Mage!Bethany (or Templar!Carver) would absolutely be a part of the Mage Underground, be Anders' contact in the Gallows, and play a part in ferrying mages to freedom, but seeing the way the mage-templar conflict was handled in DA2, that obviously wouldn't have gone down at BioWare, lol.

I'm reminded of a party banter between Bethany and Anders in Act 1:

Anders: The Rite of Tranquility is the whole problem. If they didn't have that to hold over us, we'd have so many more options. Bethany: Right! If we want to fight back... or just engage in intelligent debate... they make sure we can't do it. Anders: They're forcing our hands. There's no way to change things peacefully. Bethany: There must be something. Anders: If it's Tranquility or death, we have no choice but to make every confrontation a life-or-death struggle. Bethany: I know, but... there are good people in the Circle, the Chantry. There has to be a way to reason with them. Anders: Not if they take away your ability to reason.

While I'm critical of Bethany's writing in this banter (the Circle system has been going on for centuries; if the Chantry had any intention or interest to "reason" or "engage in intelligent debate" with the mages they would have done so already; it's obvious the Chantry has no interest to compromise with the mages unless it profits them, and wanting to come to a "peaceful solution" while blatant, ongoing violence is being done unto the mages is naive lack of perspective on the urgency of the situation; I don't know if this was intentional of BioWare or not lol), it does show that Bethany was aware that things needed to change, and she wanted that change. But this banter happens in Act 1, and no matter what happens to Bethany afterwards (dies in Deep Roads; becomes Warden, or Circle Mage) this side of her gets tamped down.

The thing about Bethany's character is that she grew up resenting her mage powers -- they were the reason their family needed to keep moving and keep hiding, and she dreamt of having a "normal" life with all the rights that non-mages have. She just needed to come to the realization that she could have that life she wanted, and play a part in giving that life to every other mage by being an active voice in the Rebellion, and her character development could have easily taken off in that direction ... but then it didn't 😅

Thanks for the ask, anon!

[thekatea]

Three Body (2023)

Watched: 14.02.2023

Right or wrong is only a matter of perspective.

I love a show that makes me engaged. That makes me think and question presented topics. That makes me want to think how I would react if I was presented with the same ideas, what would be my questions and doubts, and who would I side with. That makes me analyze the statements of the characters trying to figure out what flaws they might have, and in what aspects they are correct. Three-Body is all that.

I saw quite a number of people say that you need to be patient with this show to enjoy it. I would honestly disagree. Being patient means you need to tolerate something negative, and I see no such a thing in the show. Slow pace? For me it added to the charm of it. The even pacing, how each time they dropped a new hint, they added a few more questions, the mystery of it all, the lack of answers - for me, these are exactly the things I loved about it. So if someone finds these annoying, I don’t think any level of patience will make them like Three-Body in the end.

My favorite aspect of the drama was how it exposed the limits of human’s perception and cognition. How limited we are by our beliefs, hopes, motives, experiences and even biological aspects. We are painfully biased towards our own species. But it also shows how normal that is and that it can be, at least to some extent, overcome.

Not to mention the diversity of the characters in terms of their personalities, motivations, moralities. It’s truly an art how they slowly showed all the layers of the characters, their perspectives and plans. It was a perfectly crafted journey. They knew exactly when to disclose different information to keep the interest of the viewers.

How hard is it to understand the show? I’m not gonna lie, it’s not an easy watch, but that comes from someone who knows exactly nothing about physics. I had to rewatch a few scenes to understand the theories, some google searches also helped. All that is not needed to get the big picture, but it adds to the viewing experience.

Were there any things that bothered me or could potentially bother others? Yes. Since the drama invites you to analyze everything and pay attention to all the details, it’s also easier to pick up some inconsistencies. That said, a lot of them can be excused by the unreliable narrator at any given moment and their own goals in sharing some, but not all information, and at times even distorting it.

What’s more - we don’t get clear cut answers for a lot of questions asked. Some of it might be the result of the drama being based on just the first book in the trilogy, but some seem to be left vague with no hope for solid answers even in next installments. I can clearly see how this could piss off many people, me being weird, I actually enjoyed it. The fact that I had to form my own theories on why some things happened based on the hints and bits of information was an additional entertainment for me.

There were two moments in the drama that made me go: okay, that’s dumb. That said, two scenes in 30 episodes is a ration of dumbness I can easily ignore.

Last criticism I have is the whole existence of Mu Xing - she did not bring anything new or important to the table. She did not offer an interesting perspective nor a unique take on the events happening. She was there as a plot device and I find it a bit disappointing.

For the performances - some were better than others, but all were great. Chen Jin and Wang Zi Wen did an amazing job portraying the same characters in different moments of her life. You can see the changes in her, but she still seems like the same person. I loved Yu He Wei as Shi Qiang and he easily became my favorite character. I loved his bond with Wang Miao, and even though they could not exist in more different worlds, they formed a perfect partnership.

One performance that seemed a bit flat was Li Xiao Ran as Shen Yu Fei - she was supposed to be this driven woman with a mission, but she overall just seemed numb and detached.

The production value was perfection. I truly have zero complaints. I loved the small animation bits explaining the Farmer and Shooter theories, I loved the game graphics, I loved the set designs. I especially loved everything about how the past story was presented. So many aesthetically beautiful moments.

Talking about Three-Body, I need to mention the soundtrack. I was in awe from the first seconds of any of the songs and even just the ambient sounds used for many scenes. It added so much to the storytelling and perfectly built the atmosphere.

Overall, I could not recommend it more if you like complex stories that require full attention and some additional brainpower for theory making, since they don’t really spoon feed you all the answers. How much you can enjoy the show depends on how much you are motivated to figure out the mystery and story behind the characters.

Ps. Can it be viewed as stand alone? Kind of. Depends on how much of a closure you are expecting. Ps 2. I need 2nd season yesterday.

[tiptapricot]

Very pleasantly content with episode 7! Finally some decent writing on the second to last episode! (Rip lol) General thoughts under cut, jumping around a bit as I go through the things that happened and the ups and downs I want to discuss.

So! This episode in my opinion was the most balanced, focused, and engaging episode that’s happened all season. In many of my past posts I’ve talked about how what I’ve been wanting is for this season of The Mandalorian (a show about Mandalorians in a season posited as exploring differing factions and the larger Mandalorian culture), to actually explore different factions and the larger Mandalorian culture. And by and large we haven’t been getting that. But we did here! Each thing I liked had a bit of a funky twist to it, though, so I’ll discuss both as I go through.

So first I loved seeing the tensions between the night owls and the children of the watch, the mixing of groups as a joined group once again, and the lingering questions to be asked of how long peace will last and what arguments will break out. The noble agreement on both sides to work towards the larger goal despite their differences has been exactly what I’ve wanted to see. It shows the underlying core that unites them all of honor, support, and commitment to their causes.

And there’s Mandalorians that have survived on Mandalore! That’s fascinating to me and brings up many questions of hows and whys, but it also brings a third addition to the group dynamic on the planet’s surface, and the conversations they have as a result. We finally get talk of Bo’s issues while ruling, how Gideon got the saber, and a direct Death Watch mention.

Fantastic. Great. Fucking finally.

However this is where some of my issues come in as this is the first time any of this has actually come up significantly despite there being ample room while Bo has been with the CotW (and plot space begging for that kind of engagement), and even when they do talk about it, there’s still no acknowledgement of Bo’s time with Death Watch and her commitment to it in the past, and how that was another thing that led to Mandalore’s fall. Like hell they don’t even mention Satine. Something that, as others have said, you really think they would when discussing how Mandalore fell and how Bo was a part of that and is how she’s now taking up the mantle of ruler again.

And that as usual plays into the larger issue of this episode being wonderful, but not having the proper build up for the emotional/lore/cultural engagement beats it delivers to land as strongly as they could in regards to what’s come before. This season still feels disjointed as a whole, something put into perspective by how generally smooth this episode felt to me.

Some more general stuff I liked was showing how prejudiced the Night Owls still are (Axe Woves racism moment for real, we love calling people primitives! Wow!) as it spotlights their general air of superiority and privilege, something that makes sense as a fracture group of Death Watch. They still hold that base undercurrent of belief in their own rightness, and in the CotW being lesser. Despite, again, them both being fracture groups, The Night Owls a more recent one as we can assume the CotW split off long enough before for Bo not to have had direct interaction with any of the current members.

This discussion and lack of in previous episodes also impacts Paz’s death for me. While I don’t think it was disrespectful exactly, and he’s definitely impulsive and protective enough to do something like that, it definitely still feels like a move made solely to show the stakes for our mains right before the finale. And by killing him off, it removes any ability to discuss Bo’s connection with the Viszla clan and how that played into her past, how Paz came to be where he is, his relation to his family, etc. The fact it was never brought up and now he’s dead just feels… wasted. Like ignoring something that’s right there. Maybe they’ll engage with it via Ragnar? But with the track record of this season and digging into their own plots and connections I don’t imagine they will. Paz didn’t deserve to die, but it’s also a move that doesn’t bother me to an extreme level, probably because I’d made my peace with it leading up to this after hearing about it via spoilers (that I sought out). You’ll live on in fix it fics TO ME my dear sir.

Hopping back a bit to the time on the boat, Grogu splitting up the fight and having learned that from Bo was also very sweet. I really enjoy he’s been given a level of heightened agency and communication we haven’t gotten from him in any previous seasons, as it allows him to interact with the plot and characters in a different way than before. We got to see him learning to be Mandalorian, and specifically Mandalorian in the context of the evolving understanding of that identity that’s taking shape this season. The mashing of “no no no no” and “yes yes yes yes” and him learning how to deal with more capable limbs also really gave a fresh sense of his age and character that we don’t get as often.

But then of course on the flip side it’s like… hey they rly didn’t need to like desecrate IG-11’s corpse for that NDNDBBFB Like. Seriously, they could’ve just made Grogu a fresh mech suit, and they should’ve. Taking a character who sacrificed himself, who was seen as a friend and a hero and a companion to our mains, and literally patching up and hollowing out his corpse to be puppeted around and used as someone else’s voice, right after an episode that was already a terrible handling of droid rights/freedom/autonomy but still showed their level of sentience, is just so so gross.

And it puts episode 1 in perspective too. The reason the IG-11 droid part quest was written off so suddenly in episode 2 is because it wasn’t ever meant to be an actual quest to repair him! Din wanting him as his companion to Mandalore never mattered, it was solely a set up to be brought back back as Grogu’s mech suit here. And that’s. Just a rly disgusting and pointless move when they could’ve, again, found so many alternate ways to give him a similar suit.

So I’m kinda torn on that part? The concept of what it does for Grogu and his interaction with the plot is good and interesting and should be done, but the way it was done was really uncomfortable and disrespectful and gives me a weird mental dissonance with the whole thing. As with a lot this season, good in concept, bad in execution.

So next is Din and Bo stuff. I’m not a dinbo person, I personally believe it would/will feel forced and unnecessary in the context of the story and the characters if it happens, especially as both Din and Bo have been watered down/flattened this season from their full selves, but I don’t have strong feelings on it as a ship overall. I get it in a fan context and can understand the draw and chemistry. I don’t see it or want it in canon material myself, but I’m ambivalent. I do like their dynamic. I like that they make each other grow and bring a new perspective to things, and that there is support and understanding there. I think that was showcased well this episode with Bo’s doubts and Din’s trust.

My issues come, again, with not feeling like outside of this episode there is a fully set precedent for how things have grown and developed. Din has been passive most of this season, barely there. Bo has been complex, but on a surface level, and not engaged with to the extent she deserves in a story with this premise and focus. They read more as colleagues and friends, and not even close friends at that, and so the sudden depth exhibited in this episode, while not too out of left field, still didn’t feel quite as built up as it could’ve been.

I think they’d be great as friends, as people reflecting on their histories of faith and culture, the things they keep and the chosen history and worldviews they move past and the prejudices and past actions they have to tackle. It’s an interesting dynamic… That we haven’t gotten to see. I’m overall neutral, though again, not the biggest fan of a romantic plot if that is where the story goes. Just… doesn’t quite fit for me.

And lastly, the various empire stuff. This is what I want from a balanced plot! I don’t mind seeing the Empire side of things, seeing what they’re discussing and working on, but it should not be the main story. Episode 3 should’ve been shortened to an extreme degree and had the new republic stuff it wanted to showcase put in a different show. It is relevant to the Star Wars world and to this story, yes, but we didn’t need it in such a concentrated, badly paced/written form.

Give us the important moments, show Kane is an infiltrator, that they’ve taken stuff from Pershing, that some of the amnesty stuff is shaky, and boom, done. Introduce the “where is Gideon” plot sooner so it hangs over the season and actually builds to his reveal instead of something that was essentially “Just so you know Gideon never made it to trial! Weird side quest episode. Gideon’s back!”

That said, again, I like the handling within this episode. Nothing to say on the larger world imperial characters shown like Hux and (a mention of) Thrawn, but it’s clear it’s leading into the Ahsoka show, which is fine, ok. Mandalore also being an imperial base and the group being ambushed was a good conflict piece (though side note is there gonna b no talk of the huge dinosaur that broke out of the earth on the way over? are they not going to address that??). It shows the tenacity of Mandalorians and the Empire’s commitment to wiping them out and appropriating their culture and lives for their own fascistic uses. It was high stakes and satisfying and a good addition to the history of Mandalore as a desirable planet with an “undesirable” people.

Din getting captured I also didn’t mind! It sets up a rescue goal for the next episode that’s a reversal of the situation at the end of season 2. It’s now on Grogu to save his father, to defend him and find what he means to him, and likely to get use out of that chest piece. It also brings up the question of what Gideon will do with Din, if he’ll violate him via removing his helmet, taking his cultural armor, etc. I think it’s a good conflict and character piece and I also just like “character captured/character rescues plots” so I’m hoping it’s handled well in the finale.

Din still should’ve had more active plot and engagement this season, Mandalorian culture and politics always should always have been the active focus to the degree of this episode, the writers still need to dig in deeper and handle their characters better, and Star Wars needs to actually be aware of their droid shit, but, this was a solid episode. It’s coming too late in the season for me to love it as much as I would otherwise, but it is still hands down the best of the season (even if that’s kind of a low bar), and I feel like I’ve had the biggest sigh of “fucking finally” I’ve ever had in my life.

[cafeleningrad]

morally gray character... apart from many younger target demographic spheres watering the complication of recognizing the right choice and struggle along the way, if not following the ethical way to the the right decision, from a conflicted Boromir to Han Solo, guy who's a bit rude but charming rogue with a heart of gold who's just a bit too cool to state out right that he's there fore the right reasons....

once out of a simple didactic territory, every more fleshed out character will get entwined with the complications of morality, either with own principles, expectations of others, choice, lack of information or maturity, social expectation, being down on luck or also shaking up the reader's preconception if things they consider "right" are actually "right". Yes sure, in a "will you save the world form the big Spaghetti monster scenario", choices are easy. Either the world end or not. Once it gets beyond such simplified conflicts, simple "X good, Y bad" morality itself might not be the biggest friction of a plot anymore if the story wants to be honest about all the variety of human experiences. Such can't be reduced by two labels. Maybe some people are in life situations in which choices aren't easy, at some point losses have to be dealt with, and life isn't a zero sum game of karma points.

Even take a simple sitcom like the Office. None is a particular scummy person but even in a very dramatized way very close to people you would find in the office. Nice girl who's so insecure she gets engaged to a not so great guy and breaks off the engagement way too late to out without appearing like a coward or with a bit of little spine but for her it's step for growth. Or a narcissistic boss who crosses way too many boundaries to appear or liked but does by time make the right calls to protect his employees. Or the usually nice and harmless costumer service employee who talks way too much much about sopas and celebrities - she means no harm, she will help you no questions asked, but it can be annoying. In the end they aren't bad people but they're not always great either. The measurement isn't morality here but how to best deal with different personalities. I think the show was this successful because it hit close to reality in the experience that some coworkers are all living their own little lives, and they aren't well meaning yet not always easy to compromise with out own life style.

Going into more deeper territory in literature you won't often have grand heroes who go after a big bad one, and all conflict is ended. Even though many copycats of Tolkien's retraced the outlines of Middle Earth - legendary swords, three main species (elves, dwarves, humans) living in conflict but fighting against one Dark Lord, and like a central intelligence, all evil dies immediately with him - Tolkien himself might have had one big bad but the harm Sauron caused lives on after him. The Shire is damaged, Theoden fell into depression with or without Sauron's help, Grima just aided the process, and the relationship within Denethor's family is complicated by favouritism before the Ring surfaces as source of conflict. Even with a central bad guy, Tolkien did not overlook how pre-affected characters can be entering a central situation, and how certain events aren't easy to deal with.

Or even without big impacts, I think good romances are the most honest when it comes to complicated relationships. Recently I read Miss Smilla's fine sense for Snow. The central bad guys enact Danish colonialsm in Greenland for their own purposes. The story is told from the central perspective of protagonist Smilla Jaspersen. Although a deeply layered protagonist hiding their vulnerability under multiple defensive layers, like sarcasm, trying to do everything alone, resourcefulness, she does also sabotage herself for deeper connections, treating people who wish to help and support her coldly. The judgement if the reader likes her is left to each reader themselves but without her character being marked by trauma of being uprooted, colonial pressure, not so healthy coping mechanisms, and a certain comfort in misery, the motives of inability of communication, ice, snow, and the quiet but kind relationship to the murder victim would not work at all. In fact, if Smilla wasn't oen to dissect everything around her, even human connections, her scientific conclusions driving the plot wouldn't be believable. Maybe an even quieter, calm story would the movie Past Lives. It's a simple romance that two characters held affection for each other but they never get together. It's a simple story. One character is more invested in the other, than the other character in them but that's a situation without much blame. That's how it is, it hurts, sometimes do find each other in situations which are not as simple as expected. The potential for a deeper romance hangs in the air, perhaps it would be terrible if she left her husband but that moral dilemma never arises. The story isn't about adultery and the reasons behind it but letting desires and visions go.

All in all, the way that current fiction discussions are held overlook the potential to tell stories which aren't didactic. Yeah, of courses stories can have a stance on dark themes of adultery, abuse, breaking free of bad sitautions etc. . But already at step 1 people are arguing if such topics should even exist in fiction. In my opinion, if stories pass step 1 and directly tap into the complications of certain issues, the story can create be cathartic about confronting maybe not the greatest points in life but also understanding for people who don't do well, if not the chance to do better. Or simply telling about stories which don't want to tell me that "thing X is bad actually". Even strories for adults tend to treat their target demographic as if they were 5 years old.

[that-disabled-radfem]

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies. 

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch. 

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible. 

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women! 

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays. 

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

[punkpandapatrixk]

Hope you find perspective and healing here—please don’t be hating on yourself🦩nor me!😬

[Back to Masterlist]

Pile 1 - Chaotic & Selfish

9 of Cups, 9 of Wands (Rx)

Priestess of Inspiration & Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

Okay, first, let's have the courage to ask yourself first: what even is the reason you're in a relationship right now? Or, if you're single: what even is your idea about two people being in a romantic communion?

If you can be super honest with yourself, you may realise that you're in it (or your idea of being in it is) just to fulfill your own emotional nourishment. Because you're lacking something; whether that's warmth, love, understanding, companionship. You want to be appreciated for all the work you have ever put and you want to be appreciated for just who you are. You're seeking comfort, but most of all, gentleness.

I sense many of you may have come from very chaotic family backgrounds that made you daydream a lot as a child—it was your coping mechanism. As a result of that, now that you're grown up—a lot or a little—you're finding it really hard to cope with the harsh reality of the big bad world. Everything tires your soul because you are simply unequipped with the ability to hustle in a real world. After all, you grew up daydreaming more than actually doing stuff.

In relationships, you're seeking comfort and validation for your existence. This in itself is not a bad thing, but... At the same time, you're too selfish and very random. This is because nobody ever gave you the care you needed as a child, and so, you don't know how to properly care and love another person either. You’re hurting your partner a lot emotionally as well.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸I promise you there's healing here; Public now

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 - No Backbone

3 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles (Rx)

Priestess of Ritual & Red Alchemist (John Dee)

Okay, first off, you are dreamy and swallowed in an idealised conceptualisation of what romance should look like. You want the sweet things; you want the good vibes; you want to be drowned in an unrealistic idea of what two people being in a relationship could have. -Trust me I've been guilty of this myself.-

And so... it's really quite strange to say, but... that makes you shun conflicts. Because you have such a highly idealised notion of a 'perfect relationship' you tend to try so hard at maintaining the peace around y'all. You have a penchant for wanting to just dabble in the fun times that you can experience whilst in the company of your partner. You're willing to sacrifice your own emotional and mental well-being if only to keep arguments from 'tarnishing' your beautiful relationship.

But really, hon? Is everything really as beautiful as you want to believe? I think you're not realising just how dry and painful your relationship is (or the idea of it if you're single). You may be the type to cry alone when no one's looking, or maybe you cry in front of someone else who's not your partner, or... you engage in self-hypnosis to affirm to yourself that everything is okay, or worth it.

Look, positive affirmations mean nothing if you're lying to yourself, my dear. Positive affirmations only work when they are based on reality.

I sense many of you have come from very restrictive backgrounds. You may have grown up surrounded by the notion of people arguing as something really bad. Like, if you came from a really proper family where everybody is simply so polite they never show their nastier thoughts nor anger nor disappointments? So, you can't even grasp that there are healthy ways to handle conflicts in a polite manner—well, nobody ever taught you that.

Or! Some of you could've grown up instead surrounded by nothing but conflicts, arguments, people trowing things and destroying properties when angry, that now you try so hard to avoid such calamities from touching your current reality. You don’t wanna be like them.

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸I promise you there's healing here; Public now

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 - Ungrounded, detached, inattentive

Queen of Cups (Rx), XV The Devil (Rx)

Priestess of Love & Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

Head somewhere else, in dreamland. You have things you need to deal with and you have other places you want to be. So...? Why even are you with this person? Or, if you're single, you could have this same tendency. Being with a person whom you can't fully commit to.

The people who have chosen this pile are probably very logical people. Major Aquarius energy. So, you're just originally detached and cool and calm and collected. These are all wonderful qualities, you know. You're a level-headed person who has this amazing ability to see right through the core of various issues. Maybe you're even accomplished at school or your workplace thanks to these qualities. But you see... romantic relationships should be treated differently, don't you think?

It's not that you don't have compassion—I don't think you're a bad person at all—but being too logical in love can hurt the feelings of your partner, a lot. Two people being in a romantic union seek comfort and warmth, don't you think? And if you never allow yourself to be a tad more loving, then why even are you in a relationship? Maybe you're just in it because you feel obligated? Is this good? Are you happy? Is the other person happy?

I sense you're someone who isn’t actually clear about the idea of romance nor relationships. You could be that kind of person who likes to deal with robots and numbers (math whiz?) more than with human interactions. I think you prefer to play video games all day long, or you love your accounting job or something similar to that. Maybe you dwell in a very cold environment where people have no business being warm with each other. Like, if you’re an engineer or a financial analyst or a computer programmer?

Now, that does NOT necessarily make you a bad person, okay? But let's see...

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[Back to Masterlist]

[saintqueer]

hey jordan!! i was reading some of your posts and ig i wanted to offer my own two cents (especially bc i do think it's healthy to have this discourse on the dash)

i don't feel alienated or forgotten by louis this tour as a queer fan, despite his lack of open acknowledgements. i would obviously love it if he would wave the flag like harry or in some way show support or allyship. i think we're just in a transitional period atm where bbg and other stunts are probably coming to a close, and he's been maintaining the het image as well as possible for those things to go down well (without too many of the "ah it's bc he's gay" stories (which will prob still drop but yk)). so it's a strategic thing in that sense, i think. this will also help his transition to the new label, which is industry shit; although i don't think it plays that much with bmg and on louis's mind

and most importantly, i also truly believe he wants to savor that very first time he waves that flag, or celebrate the queer community, until he can actually truly enjoy it, as a free man who is celebrating the community he belongs to

that's just what i think!! you're obviously valid in your feelings about it all, and i think it's something louis actually does keep in mind, when acknowledging fans, but ig i wanted to be a voice from a different perspective ☺️

thanks so much for sharing Ella! i really truly appreciate it

i'm glad you still have so much hope that things are coming to a close. i really hope you are correct that this is simply transitional and not indicative of another era, nothing would make me happier and cause me to want to re-engage in new ways

i would love to skip an "ally" phase altogether to witness true freedom!

i'm glad you shared your perspective and i hope people can find their own feelings reflected

i definitely don't wish everyone to share my current, yet always changing, outlook but i thought it important that all the people who do share it don't feel so isolated or shamed for feeling tired and ignored

[alluringjae]

au cours de l’été - jjh

⤑ translation: over the summer

⤑ summary: this is a story of an exhausted painter who needed a breather from the hectic city life. so aside from moving to the countryside, the needed air in your lungs also came in the form of a person. this summer meant for pure relaxation, perhaps your heart may dive into him too.

⤑ pairing: jaehyun x female reader

⤑ word count: 15.2k (so much for saying that i’ll be writing shorter stories)

⤑ genre: fluff, romance, smut | author!jaehyun, painter!reader, strangers to lovers!au, 50s-60s!au, summer love in france!au

⤑ warnings: me inserting some french phrases because I want to practice (feel free to correct me if I made mistakes, i’ll appreciate them), fictional interpretations of real-life people, explicit language, jaehyun being such a romantic pls im in tears, mentions and scenes of burnout (the worst)

⤑ playlist: everybody loves somebody by dean martin | c’est si bon by eartha kitt | it’s always you by chet baker | les yeux ouverts by emilie-claire barlow | a sunday kind of love by etta james | the most beautiful thing by bruno major | try again by jaehyun and d.ear (duh) | free love (dream edit) by honne | petite fleur by jill barber | plus je t’embrasse by blossom dearie | so this is love by ilene woods and mike douglas

⤑ author’s note: this was an idea that just came to me after pinterest kept recommending me poetic beauty/try again jaehyun, so here we are! i intended to write less than 5k words but sometimes plans don’t go as planned once you really invest in the story yet i’m really happy how this turned out!

the romantic exhilaration in my bones are off the charts because this is jaehyun we’re talking about lol enjoy!

⤑ masterlist

⤑ leave me some feedback, constructive criticism, or hellos!

3 juin 1957

The city life overstimulated your entire system, losing your brainpower and inspiration. Another exhibition that’ll feature your works with other influential painters was happening at the end of the year, and you had nothing prepared so far. You’ve crashed to the deep end of creative fatigue.

So you needed to get away again; somewhere quieter and surrounded by nature.

That’s why you ended up in the countryside down south, somewhere within Provence. It’s purely just for the summer, but extensions were okay as long you get back at least a month before the show. Filing that leave of absence at the studio you worked at was worth it.

You rented an apartment overlooking the marketplace, where the heart of the village was. After arranging things from your boxes and luggage the entire day, you found out that you lacked in the food department.  

So the succeeding day, the entire morning was spent on grocery shopping downstairs then stocking them inside your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Right after changing out of your pajamas into a flowy floral dress and sandals, you decided to bike to the bakery that locals suggested. A must-go place for newcomers, they all raved.

“Café des Étoiles Perdues.” (Café of Lost Stars.)

The clear chimes of the bell resounded through the small, cottage-like lobby as you entered inside. An old woman, whom you assumed was the owner, welcomed you openly.

“Oh la la, vous êtes belle! Vous vous appelez (Y/N), la nouvelle venue, n'est-ce pas?” (Oh la la, you’re beautiful. Your name is (Y/N), the newcomer, right?)

She complimented, making you shyly mutter your answer. Wiping off the flour from her apron, she introduced herself kindly.

“Je m’appelle Camille. Mes spécialités sont les macarons pisctaches et des croissants avec des amandes. Autre chose que tu aimes?” (I’m Camille. My specialties are the pistachio macarons and croissants with almonds. Is there anything else you like?)

“J'aime tout ce que vous suggères, Madame.” (I’d like anything that you suggest, Madame.)

A younger man, who went by Jaemin, was a part-timer barista who asked for your coffee order. As he directed you to the best seat of the café, which was outside overlooking the garden of blooming sunflowers, you pulled out your sketch pad so you could capture this dreamy view. It was nothing like you’ve ever seen in your life.

You’ve decided on a theme already for your exhibit thanks to your conversations with locals yesterday, which was related to freedom. After being chained to cities for so-called better living and financial standards, it’s actually how your inspiration to create squeezed the life out of you like a lemon. Although it was fun at first to see those tourist spots, it eventually got tiring.

Another matchstick to graze intensity through your bones was what you prayed for.

While you’re engaged in a rough sketch of the scenery, the dandy presence of a young man entered the café with his books. White shirt, red trousers with a matching beret, he sported freckles on his pale face. Despite visiting his favorite café numerously, Camille was overjoyed to see him and his serene smiles.

“Jaehyun! What brings you here?”

“Bonjour, Madame! I’m starving for your croissants because I ran out back home.”

“Not to worry! I’ll pack up some so you’re on your way.” She lightened him up like one of her kids, taking one of the bigger paper bags.

“No rush though, Madame. I’ll be reading and working here for a bit here.” Jaehyun affirmed, bringing it out his wallet and called out for Jaemin.

“Un café crème, s’il vous plait.” (One cup of cappuccino, please.)

Jaehyun’s usual chair was by the large window, overseeing the wide garden planted by the citizens of the village way before he was born. It was places like this he missed after moving to the city for his education and work’s sake. 

That’s the thing when you’re coming from a rich family; you don’t have much of say with what your parents order you to do. However, his recent request to stay in his childhood home (or mansion) again was fulfilled because he couldn’t search for what he needed in the cities anymore.

Jaehyun was a sucker for romance; an old romantic others would say. A lot of women mistook his kindness as flirting on many occasions, but ironically he just wasn’t looking for anyone yet. 

Starting as a novelist in the said genre based on real-life stories of people he met in Paris, Barcelona, London, and more, his stories were popular hits especially to young adults who aspire to find love one day.

However, traveling to the known places no longer felt fun as he got older. The stories he gathered were very similar, just in different languages. It took an enthusiastic dinner with his family, specifically his only older sister Krystal retelling fond stories from their younger years to get the idea of moving back for a bit. So consumed with the city life, he wanted to see things from another perspective.

What was the difference between a love story formed in the countryside than in the city?

It’s been a month since he arrived, but he didn’t hurry himself to do his research. He’s been reading books in his family library, revisiting monumental places, exploring around the village, and reconnecting with old friends as if he never left. 

Readjusting to his former life would make writing easier when he’s motivated enough to do it again. Besides, his books were profiting well enough to his taste; good enough for the next 10 years according to his personal accountant, Kim Jungwoo.

Jaehyun resumed reading this book his mother recommended him before he left. Entitled “Réessaye”, which was about a young man who reunites with his childhood sweetheart after his arranged marriage failed. After what she put her through, he’s hesitant whether to try again or let her go.

Jaehyun enjoyed reading books with realistic outlooks on love because he found them more meaningful, enlightening how exactly it makes you feel and do. Even if he enjoyed reading sappy, fairytale-like stories from time to time, he always returned to the real ones as they only displayed the truth.

That love isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, but something that can also break you especially if you go after the wrong person. This kind of mindset was how he toiled on his stories, which gained him a status outside of his unavoidable labels such as “the only striking son of the Jeong family” or “Valentine Boy”.

He diligently browsed through the climax, where the main male character confessed all his constrained emotions to his sweetheart. But it was until Jaemin pressed the bag of croissants in front of his face after placing down his childhood friend’s drink to disturb his peace.

“Reading again?” He taunted, snatching his book away and throwing the bag on Jaehyun’s lap. “When are you writing that book already? Everyone is practically dying for you to release something new again!”

Jaehyun flatly shook his head, drinking his coffee quietly. It’s not the first time anyone asked (or pressured) him about his next release, and it’s the last thing he wanted to think about. “Not in the mood right now, Jaemin. Now off to work before Madame Camille scolds you again.”

“You’re just stalling because you have nothing to write, don’t you?” Jaemin cunningly expressed, raising a brow. He’s known to catch onto the people’s bs easily; the last person you’d want to say your secrets too and Jaehyun realized too late. Though lucky for him, Jaemin shut the topic down right away so he wouldn’t pop a vein.

“Sais-tu de la nouvelle venue dans le village, d'ailleurs?” (Do you know about the newcomer in the village, by the way?)

“Une nouvelle venue?” (A newcomer?)

Being stuck at his mansion recently, news about village affairs were now late to him. Jaemin’s finger discreetly pointed outside the window, pertaining to a young woman sat outside painting her view in front of her.

That would be you, shading all the flowers in bright colors.

Seeing a new face amazed Jaehyun, especially when she was almost someone right out of a book. In a neat bun with white daisies printed in her dress, she crossed her legs whilst continuing her movements. She bit her lower lip, frustrated over an accidental smudge she made and trying to fix it by blending it with another color. When she accomplished it, she swapped brushes. A thinner one, to outline the shapes of the flower. Her lips curved to a smile after finishing another one perfectly with the rest.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaemin snapped his fingers to his distracted friend, zoning out the window. Still something he hasn’t stop doing, he pondered. With a final snap, Jaehyun broke away from falling hard from his abstract. Jaemin calculated the problem so quickly, analyzing his friend breezily like his medical school requirements.

“Elle est splendide, n'est-ce pas?” (She’s gorgeous, right?)

“Elle ressemble à une personne décente.” (She looks like a decent person.)

Jaehyun pushed it aside, flipping back to the page where he stopped reading. Before Jaemin responded, the door chimed open again to alarm him that a new customer came in. He excused himself to his friend, warning him that this wasn’t the last time he’ll talk about the newcomer too.

Jaehyun nodded along, not taking his friend’s cheeky words so seriously. However, the final result you attempted to create tickled his curiosity, so he slyly peeked from his book to the window.

You’ve freed your hair down, victorious to have started your collection this early in your break. A fantastic start, you let the paint dry first and munch on the croissant that served as your reward. However, you ‘re quick to notice a manly figure glancing through the window. From the side, his brown eyes appeared lively even if his entire face was hidden by the book.

Réessaye by Mark Lee; he must be a romantic. Every person in your studio read it, excluding yourself. Painfully beautiful, they’d summarize it.

Daring to meet more people, you locked eye contact with him. He didn’t expect it, almost flipping from his chair. Bashfully, you waved him a hello to somewhat break the ice. However, it broke his composure, and suddenly, he scurried off with his things from the café.

Now, you got quite worried. You checked your tiny mirror if he saw anything unpleasant with you, but you’d say you look relatively fine. Oh, maybe you could redeem yourself the next time you saw him. After bidding goodbye to Camille and Jaemin, the latter chased after you when you prepared yourself on your bike.

“By any chance, did you say hi to a guy with brown eyes and a red beret?”

“Well, more like I waved at him, then he zoomed out. Did I do something wrong?” You questioned with concern, putting your hands on the handles.

“That’s my friend, who’s quite reserved with strangers. I’m sorry on his behalf.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” You brushed it off politely. “See you again soon, Jaemin!”

Peddling away, letting the cool breeze fan you, your mind reverted its thoughts to that strange man. Maybe you’ll give it some time; you had a lot of it.

“Shucks, he was pretty cute.”

12 juin 1957

The world must really be on your side with these good decisions because you crossed paths with the strange man again in the café a week later. But instead of running away, he asked nicely if he could sit across your free chair in front of your table outside. It was a Saturday, and the place was packed.

“Joignez-moi, s’il vous plait.” (Join me, please.)

You insisted, giving yourself time to subtly observe his physique a lot more. Freckles dotted under his eyes like a constellation, bushy eyebrows, pink cheeks to match his pale complexion, and wearing a fuzzy knit sweater that meshed well with his green beret. He had some sort of necklace too; there was a heart pendant.

“Vous êtes une artiste.” (You’re an artist.) The small wooden palette of paint beside your small sketch pad was exposed, finding it as a great icebreaker.

“Une peintre, spécifiquement. Franchement, les visuels ici sont trés captivants qu'à Paris.” (A painter, to be specific. Frankly, the visuals here are more captivating than in Paris.)

“Je suis d’accord,” (I agree,) Jaehyun leaned against his chair, taking a better look at you with the remaining light from the descending sun.

“Oh, vous êtes comme moi. J’habite à Paris aussi.” (Oh, you’re like me. I live in Paris too.)

“Bon, je suis née à Londres. Puis, j’ai déménagé où je voulais en Europe depuis j'avais 18 ans. Mais oui, j’habite définitivement à Paris maintenant.” (Well, I was born in London then moved wherever I wanted in Europe for inspiration since I was 18. But yes, I live permanently in Paris now.)

You clarified, beginning to enjoy his comforting company. Initiating conversations with people you’re not acquainted with wasn’t in your range of skills, though he didn’t have an intimidating vibe. He looked too youthful to act like that.

“Je m’appelle (Y/N), d'ailleurs.” (I’m (Y/N), by the way.) You stuck out your hand as a sign of respect, which he enthusiastically obliged.

“Salut, (Y/N). Je m’appelle Jaehyun.” [Hi, (Y/N). I’m Jaehyun.]

He kissed it in a gentleman fashion, applying the manners he’s been taught since he was a child. Should you have been flustered, but no.  It’s been a long time since anyone greeted you like that, specifically back home.

Throughout your talk, you learned more about who he was, his job, and what his life in the countryside is like. He was an author of romance novels, yet you’ve never heard about him prior. Heavily prioritizing your work, you don’t keep up with the new releases or trends at all. Though after mentioning his last name, it piqued your interest.

“Jeong? As in the business, Jeong Tea Inc.?”

“Correct.”

His family was one of the most affluent families in Parisian society. Old money immigrants from South Korea, they brought their tea business to France and it boomed successfully. You’re quite sure you’ve seen his parents in past exhibits, but never did you approach them because you were a rookie then. But he reassured you that it was fine, and to just treat him like you’d treat your friends. Plus, it came to your knowledge that he was the same age as you too.

He opened up how this village was where he lived his childhood, so he asked his parents if he could hand over their mansion for a while for rest. It then shocked both of you at how identical your reasons were for staying in the countryside.

“I’m burnt out from the city, so I’m trying to regain my spirit here hopefully. Besides, I needed a change of scenery after living there for 3 years. My longest stay yet outside of London!”

“I need new ideas for my books. The cities don’t charm me anymore, so I returned here for peace and quiet. Maybe let these ideas come to me rather than me going after them.”

From a bigger lens, people would conclude your interaction as a sight of two artists who passionately talk about their art. But to you, you’d interpret it as two relaxed, young adults in their twenties who simply wanted to run away from the pressures of their art and enjoy the summer as every young adult should.

Not cooped up in the studio or office, but innocently waltzing around with your youth while it’s still there.

début de juillet 1957

“Dépêche-toi, (Y/N)!” [Hurry up, (Y/N)!]

Jaehyun yelled at your open balcony from downstairs, parking his mini car beside your bike. He planned on taking you somewhere a little farther this time; to absolutely feel like one of the locals.

The countryside urged you to wear more dresses and flat shoes, so you took out a turquoise dress with a white scarf to wrap on top of your head. Like your relaxed fit, your mindset too was calm. Upon meeting him, he wore his round spectacles with a red knit sweater over a white turtleneck long-sleeved top. His fingers were adorned with silver rings, then around his neck was a thin black ribbon. He curled some of his hair again, a style you really liked of his.

You can’t lie, but this man could pull any trend or style and still look extra pretty.

Out of all the locals you’ve befriended in your stay, Jaehyun was always your companion. He took you to varying places that those locals don’t visit nor tourists acknowledge in their reviews for the past few weeks. For someone who hasn’t been in the village for a long time, his memory didn’t disappoint. His childhood was only filled with cheerful moments.

Today, he was taking you to a peaceful district of shops in the farther part of the village. It’s where he’d buy sweets, journals, and accessories with his mother, Krystal, and one of his housemaids every other weekend.

All the stores there were currently bombarded with blooming flowers along their alley, bringing more enticement to those who were roaming around. There was so much life here; the head waiter of one restaurant smiling at every passing customer, one florist handing a free flower to anyone who asks, and a young lady showcasing her jewelry collection to a bunch of women who looked like tourists.

“Cette librairie vendent des livres enveloppés dans du papier. Ma mère m'a offerte l'un d'eux pour mon anniversaire tous les ans comme une surprise.” (This bookstore sells books wrapped in paper. My mother gifted me one of them on my birthday every year as a surprise.)

He trained his attention at a rustic shop with open wooden windows giving a glimpse of their shelves.

“Avez-vous fini les lisant?” (Have you finished reading them?)

“Du début à la fin.” (From cover to cover.)

He took you to this rooftop restaurant overlooking the entire plaza. Since he didn’t arrange a reservation yet didn’t get rejected, he must know the owner. Especially how a lot of the staff gave casual hellos and high fives.

Speaking of the owner, he walked out of his kitchen to introduce himself to you. He went by the name Moon Taeil, another one of Jaehyun’s childhood friends whom he used to play at his house whenever his parents came along.

Gobbling up in the appetizing food Taeil prepared beforehand, Jaehyun brought up your painting exhibition again. He loved hearing artists talk about their works, wanting to know more about their driven mindset and what their imagination is like. After all, it does vary for everyone.

“So far,” You poked your fork through the chicken, taking a bite of it. “I’ve produced 3 paintings. The garden of flowers outside Café des Étoiles Perdues, the kids playing hopscotch in the alley, and the peach tree outside your house.”

“Woah, you’re on a roll.” Jaehyun clapped across you, pouring you another glass of water. He recalled the nights you ranted not having any clue what to do for the exhibit. Then after taking you to more places, he’s rewarded to see you be creatively active again. “How many artworks do you left to make?”

“Around 3-4 left. I have ideas already, but I’m still brainstorming.” You internally rejoiced, loving how much progress you’ve made. “How about you, Jaehyun? How’s your progress?”

Unlike you, Jaehyun still felt stuck. Although he did find couples around the village, none of them intrigued him as much as his past stories. But he won’t give up easily; that’s not in his work ethic.

“Still searching, but I’ll get there.”

Recently, you got ahold of some of Jaehyun’s books from him personally since they weren’t sold in the village. You wanted to understand how he became so well known outside the labels people put him under. Reading his first novel entitled “Des Papillons” (Butterflies), it was about a couple separated during World War II without contact or knowledge about their well-being. Yet whenever they saw butterflies on the day they parted, they took it as a sign that the other was alive wherever they were.

You’re always hanging on the cliff when the scenes revert back and forth to the main male lead getting stuck in intense war scenarios, rooting for him to get out alive each time. In the end, it took 7 years before they were reunited and wed.

Jaehyun had a wonderful way with his words and descriptions, managing to enwrap you in as if you’re also a character in the book. Like how you rooted for that male lead, you’re rooting for him to find his spark again.

Following this uplifting conversation, Jaehyun finally took to your greatly anticipated spot. It was the main viewpoint of Gordes, one of the most beautiful hilltop villages in the country. The sunset was about to hit, and the lights from the city across you slowly turned on like a bunch of dominos.

As you marveled at its aesthetics, Jaehyun leaned against the hood of his car. He sensed how in awe you were, more than you ever were in the city he assumed. So used to the city that being surrounded with nature became foreign to you.

He took out his polaroid camera from his trunk and captured a photo of you from behind. The shutter sounds were obvious, turning your back at the commotion. Jaehyun fanned the freshly printed photo to dry, giving a mischievous smile.

“What can I say? While you’re fawning over the view, mine was more enamoring.”

Although Jaehyun felt overwhelmed the first time he locked eyes with you, he can’t resist the power of his developing feelings for you. The more time he took you around, the more his heart found different details about you to admire. After listening to all those love stories in the past, the people he spoke to shared how there will be some distinct moment where your heart decides who they’re longing for.

That exact view of you by the cliff, he already knew.

He’s infatuated by you.

“Tu es très ringard, Jaehyun.” (You’re so cheesy, Jaehyun.) You scoffed sassily, with a hand on your waist.

“Un gentleman ne ment jamais, (Y/N). Allez, il fait nuit maintenant.” [A gentleman never lies, (Y/N). Come on, it’s night already.]

He cleverly responded, grabbing his car keys from his pocket. The trip back to the village was energizing, putting down the roof of his car to relish the chill breeze of the night weather. You even raised your arms in the air, losing your scarf even from the speed Jaehyun went at!

The two of you belted along to the songs on the radio when the fields were the only ones surrounding you, no neighbors to shout at your rambunctiousness.

The late-night hours drew by so quickly almost like dinner with more of Jaehyun’s friends didn’t happen. Arriving at the front doors of your apartment complex, Jaehyun raced over to your side to open your door. Always maintained proper observation of manners, you appreciated that side of him. Rarely anyone in Paris that you’ve encountered treated you that way because you were a foreigner.

“Bonsoir, (Y/N).” [Goodnight, (Y/N).]

“Bonsoir, Jaehyun. Quand est-ce que je te revois?” (Goodnight, Jaehyun. When can I see you again?)

“Demain et après-demain. Appelle-moi quand tu es libre.” (Tomorrow, and the day after that. Just give me a call when you’re free.)

With a short wave, you entered your building and marched up to the stairs. A good day only meant being tired to the core, ready to crash and fall in your soft bed. Opening your wide windows to let more of the cool breeze in, your eyes easily caught Jaehyun’s classy car still there. As for the owner, he didn’t move an inch from his leaning position.

“Rentre à la maison, Jaehyun! C’est tard!” (Go home, Jaehyun! It’s late!) You shrieked, peeking side to side to make sure none of the neighbors scold you.

Jaehyun laughed wholeheartedly, not budging at all. “La nuit ne fait que commencer, ma chérie.” (The night has just begun, my darling.)

“Comment tu m'as appelé?” (What did you call me?)

Either your ears were fooling you or he addressed you by a divine pet name. The gasp you swallowed, as your entire body tingled with exhilaration. Your mind would simply disregard it like his former teasing words, but your heart begged to differ.

Rather than responding with words, Jaehyun’s voice serenaded you with a wondrous song, C’est Si Bon by Eartha Kitt, that played on the radio earlier. Out of the blue, a random guitar accompaniment followed his baritone vocals.

“En voyant notre mine ravie,”

Against the railing of your wired balcony, your body shifted forward to watch him better.

“Les passants dans la rue, nous envient,”

Your hand perched on your cheek, admiring his talent.

“C'est si bon de guetter dans ses yeux,”

It was like a lullaby, and here you were drowning in its peacefulness. Sensing the passion he gives off in his singing, your heart couldn’t refrain the strings inside from being swayed and tugged.

This was your moment of realization: that you too were smitten.

“Un espoir merveilleux, qui donne le frisson…”

À la mi-juillet de 1957

“Hello, nature!” You greeted brightly as your legs raced the huge garden in his manor. It was the first time he invited you over, too lazy to go out of the city. His social battery needed a recharge for the weekend, so a picnic within his home would do the trick. Additionally, it was an excuse to bring you over after the numerous times you’ve begged him to.

Jaehyun merely shook his head, enjoying the rush of childlike fun in your veins while you squealed and grazed your hands through the flowers.

He carried a wooden basket full of treats his family maids cooked, taking his time to venture through the rows of flowers. They were growing healthily and phenomenally these days, sometimes riding his bike to personally water them since he became busy with writing again. Lately, he found inspiration again, and so he wrote day and night to set them free.

“Voila!” You yanked out a sunflower, sniffing it a little. “Come on, Jaehyun! Pick up a few for our lunch!”

He followed your order, picking out some he found ideal. But just for fun, he put down the basket and carried you from behind out of the blue. You tried kicking him away, but his muscular arms can’t compete with your soft ones.

“What are you doing?”

“You said to pick up a flower, so I did. The prettiest of them all.”

His flirtatious words were never serious, yet you took it as a compliment. That’s how high your confidence is. Only we define our own worth, not others. The two of you chatted more about your lives until the first rain of the season poured down, chilling down from the raging heat. None of you had an umbrella; the weather was too unpredictable.

Deciding to just run for it, he gave you the wooden basket to protect yourself whilst he used the blanket you’ve sat on. Running with laughter to return to his mansion in the muddy dirt, the cool drops shivered your figure yet felt fantastic.

If you were in the city, you’d panic because it’d mess your appearance and your boss would be infuriated by your unprofessionalism. But in the countryside, it didn’t matter at all. The condition of the rain wasn’t budging to improve, getting stronger by the minute. His entire house even lost power, his housemaids having to bring candles to his bedroom and your assigned one once night dawned.

It was hopeless to return home for you, plus it’s dangerous to drive in in the dark, narrow streets too. Jaehyun handed you some of his fresh clothes so you’d be free from flinching from cold dress sticking to your body.

“Get dressed and some sleep, (Y/N).”

Nodding, you excused yourself to find the bathroom. You’d assume it’d be easy, but this was your first time in his house; a mansion even. Doors from left to right, long corridors that seemed never-ending, no maids were within the vicinity whom you can ask for guidance.

Resorting to return to Jaehyun’s chamber for help, you were taken aback by what your eyes laid on. In front of his full mirror, he discarded his now-dried shirt. Even with the dim lighting, you could make out that he was fit by the transparent view of his abdomen. Peeping like this was wrong, yet you couldn’t turn away just yet. The heat in your cheeks was inevitable, finding composure in such an unholy sight.

Though a gear in you suddenly twisted; a gear that straightened your nerves. You’re taking a bold move on the chessboard of your feelings. Wholly opening his bedroom door again, you leisurely sauntered inside without warning.

“Oh, (Y/N)! Ne peux pas trouver la salle de bain?” (Oh, (Y/N)! Can’t find the bathroom?)

Unbothered as he stood shirtless, you on the other hand silently dropped his clothes on the floor. Holding intense eye contact, your fingers graciously unzipped the side of your dress. Inch by inch, the tension built up like the strong tiny flames lit on the candles around you two. Joining the pile of clothes, all that remained were your white lace undergarments. Unplanned for the get-go, it’s the ideal set for your earlier outfit at the picnic.

“Je me suis perdue, mais je pense avoir trouvé quelque chose de mieux.” (I got lost, but I think I found something better.)

Your fingers grazed your arm up to your collarbones, faking your naivety. From your lust-filled stare, the glint in Jaehyun’s eyes darkened. He gulped at the revealing sight of you, brushing his hair back to restrain himself.

None of you could utter a single word, only the vivacious rain being the only sounds ringing around you. Thus, you allowed your actions to pursue precisely what you desired to do.

Taking baby steps towards him to test the waters, he met you right in the center and closed the leftover space. His hands cradled your face, whilst yours clung to his chest. His lips tasted like red wine, watching him pour in a glass for himself earlier. He did offer, yet you declined.

Your tongue darted his lower lip, gaining access after. Sensing the edge of his bed, you plopped yourself down the cushion. His knee urged your legs to widen, letting his body slide in. From your face, his fingers lowered to the back of your bra, snapping the clasps open.

“It takes skill to accomplish that in one try, Jaehyun.”

“I lived in Paris too, ma chérie. You out of all people would understand and have the experience.”

His palms massaged your freed breasts, throwing your head back even more to his pillows as his lips ravaged down from your stomach until the fabric of your not-so pure panties.

“Call me that again, please.”

“Ma chérie, seras-tu mienne?” (My darling, will you be mine?) He kissed and licked the tiny ribbon in front repeatedly, where your now-swollen clit laid. It electrified your bones, pulling on to his ruffled hair.

“Tu peux m'avoir.” (You can have me.)

Sex in the form of one-night stands were all you’ve invested; upcoming artists like you weren’t capable to maintain long-term relationships. Les plans à trois even if you’re extra freaky or drunk from the afterparties of your events. All that these occurrences had in common were not seeing those men ever again after sneaking out of their apartments in the morning.

This time, it’s different.

When they said that doing the deed with someone you’re romantically entangled with was more special, they didn’t bluff. You could plan bits of your life, but it can sometimes change aspects of it when you least expect it. Sometimes for the best or the worst, but right now, it went beyond your expectations.

It’s rewarding that the man you’ve slowly fallen for within your stay returned your affections.

Around late 3 am that night, your brain jolted with artistic ideas that awoken your sonorous rest. There are no hopes of sleeping them off because they tend to bother you for hours until you do something about it. But you’re already so cozy having Jaehyun’s arms around you, skin to skin under the duvet. His lips daunted right above your forehead, recalling his endless kisses there that helped you fall asleep.

Well, these ideas don’t work themselves unless you do. Untangling him tactfully, you stepped out of the blanket and wore one of his long white shirts he gave you earlier before pulling out your sketchpad and palette of oil paints.

Luckily, there was still one available candle to use as the rest have melted indefinitely. You slid the matchstick again to the sand surface, boring a flame from the friction which you placed on top of the wick.

All your ideas that night leaned towards one thing, or person rather: Jaehyun.

You spent a few minutes retracing how he vividly looked at the picnic, leaning back from the chair of his work desk. His outfit of a turquoise turtleneck underneath a white button-top with trousers matching the said turtleneck looked good together, how his ears tingled red after you complimented his newfound inspiration for his book, and the prominent veins in his arms when he rolled his sleeves due to the heat.

The thin brush you held defined the shape of his face, then paying attention to the messy strands of his hair. Stroking in a circular way to outline his eyelids, a hoarse grunt disturbed the peaceful silence.

“Get back in bed, ma chérie.” His eyes drowsily opened, lying on his side. The moment he no longer felt your warmth, he worried something happened. Instead, you’re working late at night after quite a rough yet romantic night.

“Shush,” You shunned him down with your index finger. “Give me a few more minutes.”

“Perhaps, are you painting me?” He hunched from the covers. “Your eyes looking back and forth would never lie to me, would they?”

“Maybe…” You teased, batting your eyes at him without any risky intentions. Or not?

He deeply chuckled, sluggishly removing himself under the covers. In his pure nudity, he advanced himself towards you. You shrieked, covering yourself with your free hand.

“Jaehyun, stay back! I told you I’ll be there soon!”

Not listening, he carried your bridal style, making you drop your precious palette to the fur rug. Laying you carefully, he popped each button open. By the sight of his cock hardening again, you knew you were in for another round with him.

“Wet again, ma chérie? Oh, this will be fun.”

Fin de juillet 1957

So this kind of summer romance concept that everyone fantasized about… it became your present.

Together you’d stroll in the smaller streets and immerse yourselves in the unique culture of the village. Whenever anyone saw you together, holding hands, biking, or what-not, they’d praise in the name of love for bringing you both together. A romance like yours in the countryside was a lively sight.

Remember how extensions were a possibility if your search for inspiration wasn’t found? Well, it’s not a question that you’d make one, except inspiration found you instead. And he had one arm around you as he slow danced with you in the open grounds of the village, listening to the live band covering song classics.

In particular, Chet Baker. He was Jaehyun’s favorite artist at the moment.

There was an ongoing week-long festival dedicated to summer, giving more plants their bloom and spreading gratitude to the hardworking people. Especially the students, off on their break.

The faint radiance from the post lights as Jaehyun swayed you around, making you laugh as he tried to mumble the lyrics of the song. All those glasses of wine he tried earlier with you from the bartender offering it for free had its effects, and you weren’t off the hook from them either.

Blisters started to form from your ankles, adjusting to the new pair of heels Jaehyun gave (or insisted to buy) you a while ago after staring at them like lasers. You’ve always provided things for yourself that being spoiled by someone else felt weird to you.

“If there’s anything you want me to buy for you, just tell me.”

“How can I buy you if you’re already mine?”

His smooth talk often made you punch his shoulder, but it’s just a mechanism to hide the exhilaration.

Under each other’s spells in your dance, you laid your head on Jaehyun’s chest. Feeling the strong beat of his heart, you were reminded of how much life he’s filled with. And you became a part of it, in the same way he crossed yours.

Jaehyun’s lips sank to the top of your head, pecking it affectionately. The first-ever summer where he wasn’t stuck at his desk working or drinking his life away with his rich friends in their Parisian homes, it couldn’t get better than this.

“Oiii! Flirtez ailleurs!” (Oiii! Flirt somewhere else!) The distinct voice of Jaemin, handing out pastries to passersby, shouted at the both of you, making you flip your middle finger at him.

“Trouve une copine d’abord, d’accord?!” (Find a girlfriend first, alright?!) You shouted back jokingly, almost falling due to the ache of your feet. Your immodest behavior was censored by Jaehyun’s large palms, not wanting the kids around to see it. Whispering closely to your ear,

“Tu es ivre. Laisse-moi te ramener chez toi.” (You’re drunk. Let me take you home.)

You changed back into your sandals as Jaehyun led you through the different alleys. Your vision was too hazy to navigate, so he had one arm wrapped around your shoulders. The weather grew cold too, shivering your bones so he draped you in his blazer.

“Wait,” You stopped, making him do the same. But before he could ask for your reason, your hands yanked him by his suspenders and your legs walked backward to reach the brick wall. Standing in his 5’11 glory, you were overpowered.

Yet your lips captured his effortlessly, raising to your toes to press yourself closer to him. He moved fast, one arm hugging your waist while the other hoisted your leg up. Tangling around his waist, the urge to move your hips against his crotch couldn’t be contained any longer.

Everyone was probably still out at this time or sleeping. The sloppy sounds you’ve produced were beyond suitable for any audience. Not to mention, the nasty words Jaehyun’s pretty mouth spoke in your ears desired you to fall to your knees.

“Not afraid of getting caught, ma chérie? You want me to ruin you right here, right now?”

“God, Jaehyun,” Your hands tugged his belt forward, the friction it gave to your core twitched the naughty side out of you. “Do it, please.”

The idea of public sex thrilled your mind into overdrive, yet you’ve never done it. In Paris, a city where several people started to know your name, you didn’t need a scandal to be plastered in your resume yet.

Jaehyun himself included, and still opted not to give it to you.

“Another time, ma chérie. Your apartment, now.”

The moment you unlocked your apartment door, Jaehyun was far from gentle like in the mansion. Ripping you out of your frilly dress didn’t take long, so was unbuttoning his trousers down to the floor.

On your knees, his hand gave you a makeshift ponytail as your tongue flicked the slit of his cock. Then slowly taking him inch by inch on your mouth, you’d let out a loud pop when you needed to breathe. Your hands fondling his balls, he groaned from the edge of your bed and tightened his hold on you. Tears formulated in your eyes as you got to swallow him whole, uncontrollably bobbing your head.

He felt like putty when he released, your throat taking the salty base. You hastily unhooked your bra in front of him when suddenly, his hand flicked on the fabric of your panties, cueing you to stop your motion.

“Keep them on when you ride me.”

Straddling on his lap, his head laid against the headboard of his bed. His arms roaming around your back to stabilize you, your fingers pushed your panties to the side as you pushed yourself down his protected length. Your moans became shaky. Up and down, you bounced while bracing on his shoulders.

Against his ear, your moans were harmonious. His hips moved against your beat, hitting your g-spot like the sexual ace he is. His thumb rubbing your clit, you shuttered your eyes at the impending high approaching you like a bus.

“I’m close.” You choked out, the overstimulation overwhelming your nerves.

“Fuck, me too.” He grunted, slapping your butt that made you shriek.

Soon enough, everything hit you both all at once. The knot snapped, and so did your body falling on his chest after a single scream. Panting, Jaehyun pecked on your temple as his cock softened up. Once you returned to your senses, you lifted yourself from his length, laying bare beside him.

His eyes started to fall, but before they did, he muttered huskily. “Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

It was the first time he’s said those words in the way they meant, and he’s more than certain that it’s what he felt with you. Sure, it started as mutual infatuation, but now, it can’t leave. Not on his watch.

Love was a concept unfamiliar to you, but Jaehyun slowly taught you what it was and how it felt like. Books and films may give sneak peeks, but to personally give and receive it back was made possible by him.

From this moment on, you could conclude that yes, you reciprocated it.

“Je t’aime aussi, Jaehyun.”

16 octobre 1957

Autumn made its way to the countryside.

The leaves switched into red-brown shades, the weather in the south was warmer, and the wine harvest was highly anticipated. Jaehyun’s camera was a common item in your outings, taking as many photos as he could so the two of you had something to look back on.

Planned and candid, his range was wide. These were moments that proved that your youth was as happy as you wished it to be. You wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Painting in his mansion was a regular thing, having new canvases prepared at his patio. There were so many items that amused you there like you could base your entire collection on his home. It’s not like Jaehyun could argue; it meant more time with you whenever you came over.

“Jaehyun, if you smudge paint on me, so help me Go-” He refused to listen to your “threats”, smearing black paint on your cheek.

“You were saying?” He cockily pestered, showcasing his paint-filled fingers. You dipped one of your brushes into the new paint and chased after him without hesitation. The entire evening became a paint war, a laugh fit even after seeing your reflections in the mirror. But before you could clean yourself, Jaehyun’s camera was by your face and he pressed the button.

“Still breathtaking.”

But the middle of the season arrived, that’s where your planned extension you’ve reached its end. The exhibit was next month, getting calls from your boss regarding your return and the paintings you’ll present. You informed her that you already had them mailed to your studio way back, so there’s nothing much to worry about.

All your bags were packed in the private car Jaehyun rented. Here, you’re bidding your goodbyes to every friend you’ve made outside the doors of your apartment complex, saving your last words with Jaehyun.

The night before, he stayed over and helped you pack your last items in luggage bags. He even brought extra clothes for you so you wouldn’t work extra. You’ve talked it out the whole evening through what happens next to ease your worries. In your bed, he opened the wide windows and pulled you under the sheets.

“Write to me.”

“Call me when you’re free, or whenever you feel like it.”

Leaning against the railing of the stairs, watched the sorrow in your face over this parting. He sensed how bittersweet everything was, but he wouldn’t change anything about it. He’s positive that your story won’t end here, not right now.

Sauntering to him, you sighed whilst taking your bag he held the whole time from him. His touch was tighter as the two of you hugged tenderly, nuzzling his head on your shoulder. The scent of his citrus cologne that implanted in your brain felt comforting, despite the uncertainty of everything between you.

You hinted a minty taste from the menthol candies from his home as his lips brushed yours, colliding it timely. He waited when everyone left, relishing these last seconds.

Stepping inside the vehicle, you waved your summer love farewell one more time before the driver hit the pedal. Your eyes couldn’t stray away from looking back, the distance between him and your former apartment widening. Only when he was no longer in the frame, you shifted your focus back in front.

Your fingers fiddled with the charm bracelet he gifted you from the market. It was custom-made by a jeweler who was great friends with his mother in his younger years. There were two pendants chained on it: a paintbrush and the sun.

“A paintbrush to remind you of your passion, and the sun to remind you of the summer we first met.”

The man was like one of his romance books, in human form. He knew how to catch your breath effortlessly.

Your stay, for now, may have concluded, but there was always next summer. And the ones after that. The village felt like a second home, one you can’t neglect like the other places you’ve lived. Then having Jaehyun here, the more reasons to return.

Undoubtedly the best vacation you’ve ever been in your adult years, one that didn’t sacrifice for your art so you could compete with other artists. The weight on your chest poofed into thin air, and you felt ready for what the next steps as a painter were.

Appreciating the greenery you passed by, you peeked over the side mirror of the car only to find Jaehyun quickly biking in your direction.

Now, what was he up to?

You instantly requested the driver to slow down his pace, rolling down the window of the car. Not caring about the strong winds, “You fool, what are you doing?!”

Although he trusted your last words, he had the greed to see your face again. It would be a long time until he’ll see you in person again. So he pedaled as fast he could to still reach you. Oh, the things you do when you’re in love.

“Mon cœur bat la chamade pour toi, (Y/N)!” [My heart beats loudly for you, (Y/N)!]

You giggled at his silliness, throwing out flying kisses.

“Je reviendrai bientôt, Jaehyun!” (I’ll come back soon, Jaehyun!)

21 octobre 1957

Only your friends at the studio gave you a warm welcome back, receiving comments like “get back to work” from your first encounter with your boss. Popping a champagne glass open after work hours on the rooftop of your studio, they interrogated you with all the questions they could think of.

“So this village in Provence…. was it beautiful as the tourists said?” Ten, who moved from his home in Thailand to Paris at a young age, expressed his curiosity whilst leaning against the railing overlooking the Eiffel Tower.

“Beautiful is an understatement, Ten. I miss it dearly!” You heaved a sigh, twirling your glass.

“So this inspiration you were looking for…” Amélie, your dear friend since your university days, created some tension as she prolonged her last word. Playfulness twinkled in her eyes, crossing her legs. “Was a person involved by any chance?”

For a moment, your throat almost gagged on the sizzling alcohol going down.

“What do you mean?” You acted clueless, pouring your now empty glass with more booze. But the moment Ten gave you the troublesome look coordinating with Amélie, you already knew you wouldn’t hear the end of it. These two were such gossips in and out of the studio.

Ten took the seat across you on the table and leaked all his pent-up information.

“So you know Seo Youngho, the only son of the Seo family. Rich, socialite, a total hotshot… yeah, all that jazz.” He dived in, seeing you nod over knowing that man. Someone in the past you’ve slept with, but that’s another story. “Well, Amelie and I attended one of his parties at his large penthouse. He had his usual crowd there; Kim Doyoung, Lee Taeyong, Nakamoto Yuta, and Lee Minhyung. But fun fact: there’s another member in that friend group who doesn’t go to these kinds of events.”

“Here’s where it gets interesting,” Amélie excitedly took off like the pipelette (chatterbox) she is. “Youngho, who was talking to us for a bit, asked where you’ve run off. Poor him, he must’ve missed you in his bed but anyway! We told him that you went down south somewhere in Provence for a break. Oddly enough, he mentioned how the mentioned member moved back there for the same reason.”

Ten and Amélie gave each other another frisky look, merely to piss you off. So predictable of them.

“Get to the point please!” You screeched.

“Jeong Jaehyun, ever heard of him?” Amélie imitated your tone of voice. “I mean, you should since you made a whole painting of him.”

“H-How,” Speechless, that’s what you were. Ten went on a fit of giggles, signaling the build-up of his intoxication.

“Youngho visited the studio to find a specific painting for his home, and we helped him in choosing. Then when your deliveries of paintings arrived that day and were unwrapped, the look on his face when he saw Jaehyun’s painting was priceless. Things started to add up, especially when he told us that he called up Jaehyun prior, he said that Jaehyun was seeing a girl during his stay there.”

“A young, burnt-out painter from Paris, to be specific.”

They’ve put you on the edge of the cliff, and it was too close to call it a coincidence. Of all things to be revealed, this had to be the first.

“Well, I was waiting for another time to tell you guys about him though.”

Their gasps of joy could give you guys a noise complaint by the neighbors, telling all about your escapades of him and you. During it, the more you missed seeing him daily either on his bike or his car. It was stuck in your routine, but now it’s reverted to your old one.

Could the next summer come any faster?

14 février 1958

Perhaps your newest collection at the Louvre was your most successful one yet.

Entitled “Inspirez, Expirez” (Breathe In, Breathe Out), your sceneries during your stay in the village varied. An old couple slow dancing under the night sky, and the quiet district of shops Jaehyun took you, those were some of your last additions.

A multitude of positive reviews on the newspapers and art magazines came in, commending on taking on a fresher, brighter outlook for a change whilst finding your spark again. As fulfilling it was, what you longed the most was the one responsible for it.

Lately, it’s been tough to contact him. His maids always answered the calls, informing you that he was busy with work or family matters. It’s so rare for him to act like this. Whatever it was, it wasn’t grand or serious hopefully.

Back to your collection, tonight was the last night of it. Just in time for Valentine’s day, where numerous socialite lovers embarked on this event, but you’re more fixated that it was also Jaehyun’s birthday. A boy full of love born on the day dedicated for it, things made more sense. In case, you’ve sent your birthday wishes to him through letter and passing the message to one of his maids. Even on his special day, he hasn’t reached out to you.

But to momentarily forget about that, there was a closing ceremony held for this exhibit with the other artists involved, and it was your turn to give your final remarks. More esteemed socialites and journalists were present, which didn’t halt your nerves the slightest. You were a professional after all, holding pride in your craft as you stood in front of the microphone wearing your new favorite custom-made gown.

There are perks when you have close friends in the fashion industry, specifically Kim “Key” Kibum from the House of Key. After defending him from a disrespectful client when you were picking up a dress for your boss during your internship years, not only did you earn his respect, but an invite to his shows and first claiming of new items from his collections. Dining in expensive restaurants in the metro was a plus, catching up on your lives. Sometimes calling each other out for your sexcapades too.

Speaking of him, he was in the crowd that night, ordering every photographer to take photos of your gorgeous self in one of his dresses. Or in your opinion, bribing some by how he stuffed a few thick stacks of Euro bills down their pockets.

Only one of it ever made. A dark green satin v-neck off-the-shoulder gown, where diamonds adorned your neck and ears and white stilettos kept your perfect balance. Also courtesy of Key.

Because it’s the winter season, he gifted you a limited edition white fur coat every socialite tried getting their hands on. Your hair was styled in a bun, emphasizing your dark tinted lips from this new lipstick Amelie insisted you buy.

Most people would get the first impression that you were one of the socialites, a child from one of the affluent families even. But you were a lot more remarkable than that, having inborn talent in the arts that you specialized over your youth and rising to the top without any parental help.

“Thank you to everyone for their endless support towards the magnificent collections of each artist present. As for mine, I am grateful to rechannel my creative side by taking a break. Rather than romanticizing overworking our bones to the core, there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back from the pressure. Being alive is a blessing, realizing further how our youth won’t stay with us forever. Being away from the boisterous cities, I found relaxation in the countryside of Provence.”

Your lips quirked into a grin as every single memory during that time reeled in your head like a movie. “The beauty of Provence cannot be simply put in words. The muses I’ve encountered were more than lovely, especially the man behind the Poetic Rose. With that, I sincerely thank everyone from my bottom of my heart and I hope to continue to support me in the years to come.”

The applause roared once you stepped down the platform, shaking hands with every esteemed guest with more gratitude as they praised you. These days, socializing with them was a lot easier. You’ve even taken more initiative to greet people first before they do, conversing with them easily about anything.

Key definitely noticed that as you toured him around your section, holding his nth glass of wine for the night.

“You, Madame (Y/N), transformed into a social butterfly.” He nudged your shoulder, smirking once he got a better view of his favorite painting from you. “I guess that’s the thing when you’re in love.”

“I beg your pardon?”

With this free hand, he motioned it up and down at the painting in front of you. “The Poetic Rose is none other than the youngest son of the Jeong family, whom I’ve met through his older sister, Krystal.”

“Am I really the only one who doesn’t know him?!” You stressed, jokingly. Key was elated to capture you in his trap, the changes of your personality too evident in his eyes. Figuring it out that it was love took a while, but being acquainted with Krystal, she’s the one who told him that her younger brother was in love with a painter in Provence. Do the math.

“I’ve met him through his older sister, one of my highly favored clients. He’s not much of a socialite like her, so I don’t really blame you for that.”

Searching for a waiter to refill your wine glasses, a surprise emerged the both of you.

“Madame Krystal, you’re absolutely stunning.”  Key complimented her, giving the engaged heiress of Jeong Tea Inc. kisses on the cheek as respect. Her recent engagement to Kim Donghyun, her childhood sweetheart and also the heir of Kim Couture, was the talk of the town.

They arrived at the event together, drawing the attention of everyone in the room earlier. Now, he was speaking to a few influential socialites he made a deal with this week about the art collections present.

“Key, you never fail to look fantastic,” She remarked positively, poking his necktie before placing her undivided attention on you. “So you must be (Y/N) (Y/L/N). You’re beyond bewildering in that gown.”

“Flattered to hear that, Madame Krystal. Such a pleasure to meet you.”

The three of you chatted as if you were the only people there. From art, passion, and love, pride filled in your chest when you toured your collection. It was like walking down memory lane for her, adding out how she used to climb the peach tree with her younger brother during their childhood. Once her eyes laid on Poetic Rose, she took her time admiring it.

“My younger brother grew up well. That’s all I could ever hope for as his only older sister.” She paused, noticing how silent you became when you stared at the painting along with her. She observed the passion lit in your eyes, yet there was longing behind it by the way your lips pouted briefly. “You must really love him, do you?”

“I do, truly. After meeting him, not only was I boosted with so much ideas, but my heart embraced him for what and who he is in this universe.” You professed confidently, earning an approving smile from Krystal.

“If that’s how you feel, why not tell him that yourself?”

Her fingers gestured you to turn around. Stood in a grey suit with his brown hair slicked back, it was like seeing a completely new person. A handsome one though. His fashion in the countryside heavily differed from his fashion in the cities. So sophisticated and refined, he looked like a prince straight out of a fairytale.

Your fairytale.

“Jaehyun.”

It’s like everything stopped once he sprinted towards you, pulling you off your feet for a snug hug. Your arms threw themselves on his neck by instinct, not wasting a single second in his grasp. Your nose inhaled the woody scent of his cologne, something more formal than his usual fruity scent.

The smell of aftershave in his jaw couldn’t go ignored either, assuming that he must have had plans to go out tonight. Nonetheless, you squealed as if you were back in Provence, giggling at his boldness. Once he put you down, neither of you could get your hands off each other.

“What are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you’d be in Paris!” Clutching your waist, you gazed at him with doe-like eyes, instilling confusion.

“J’ai voulu te surprendre, my chérie.” (I wanted to surprise you, my darling.)

He chuckled, pushing some straying strands of your hair behind your ear. His eyes evoked so much endearment towards this elegant look you prepared, making his heart race as if he were in the gardens of his manor again.

Hearing his petname for you again attacked your heart every time no matter how much time passed, he lifted your chin high. Jaehyun urged himself to kiss you senseless right there, leaning lower. And yes, you anticipated it by how your eyes instantly closed.

Only if it weren’t for Krystal to clear her throat, obviously ruining the mood. Flinching away from your sensual lover, you rubbed the nape of your neck. Towards an heiress like her, it must’ve been unprofessional.

“Couldn’t you at least wait until I left, younger brother?” Her fingers flicked Jaehyun’s forehead, a teasing trick they used to do as kids. Even if she was a lot shorter now, it didn’t mean the impact was weak. He cursed under his breath, covering his forehead.

Stifling your laughter was a failure, crinkling your eyes to unleash your emotions. So this is what their sibling dynamic was like?

“Now excuse me, older sister. You didn’t tell me you were visiting the exhibit after my birthday dinner with our parents?” He crossed his arms, exchanging a judgmental look. For his sake, he wanted to maintain his pride. “All you said after dinner was that you were going straight home with your fiancé after all the alcohol mother gave you because it made you lightheaded.”

“Well, you know Key and his persuasiveness. He insisted I attend this event last minute because all the collections were amazing.” She explained, shedding a subtle glance at you. “Plus, it’s an excuse to finally meet this lovely girl you raved so much through your letters.”

Jaehyun kept his family life private, so this piece of information was new to you. The unpredicted way the fluttering feeling drew in your stomach, all you could do was smile from the flattery.

“He spoke about me to you?”

“More than speak, my dear. He practically professed his love for you, asking me advice on how to court a girl, make them smile, etcetera. You’re the first girl he’s been this affectionate with, and I completely understand now.” She patted your shoulder, hopeful. She had such a strong older sister vibe, reminding you of your older siblings back home. “You’re a clever, talented woman. I look forward to seeing you more often.”

As you nodded in approval, she turned towards her brother with her recurring teasing look. “Yah, Jaehyun. You better take care of her. If she ever sheds a tear because of you, I’m hunting you down in the gardens.”

“Harsh of you, Krystal.” He planted his hand on his chest, feigning pain. “But no worries. Having you and mother around me kept me well-mannered towards women growing up.”

Playfulness aside, Krystal felt honored towards her younger brother. Men these days maintained their sexist beliefs and rudeness, especially those who doubted her high position in the family business once her father stepped down. Nowadays, it’s men like Jaehyun who could really challenge the patriarchy and make women pursue a lot more than being limited as a housewife.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now please excuse me, I’ll be on my way.”

Krystal waltzed her way out without tripping from her slight intoxication, which Jaehyun worried about earlier. But anyway, that left him alone with you. Filled with so many questions, you didn’t know where to start.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Paris? Why didn’t you acknowledge my birthday wishes to you? Why aren’t you answering my calls and letters?” You blurted without wasting a breath, weren’t trying to come off as needy, but it became peculiar when he was contacting you like usual.

You pushed off thinking of the worst scenarios, not wanting it to ruin your drive and your emotions either. Yet you trusted Jaehyun enough to know he wasn’t the type of person either.

“Okay slow down, ma chérie.” His hands maneuvered for you to stop for a bit. “Ask me one by one and I’ll give you a solid answer for each while we roam around.”

He arrived in Paris last week, which was initially for work. Then his birthday clashing was a coincidence. It would be too lonely to go home and celebrate his special day alone, so he extended. But again, it’s his work that caused his abrupt contact.

When you were too busy delving into the success of recovering your inspiration, he also found his spur to write again too. Day and night, his mind kept him tedious with an endless trail of thoughts and words. Overall, he finalized it then brought the end product to the same publishing house where his books in the past went through.

In fact, he decided to publish them specifically today on his birthday. The only day in his itinerary he planned, where after publishing, he’d hang out with his friends, have dinner with his family then run off to reunite with you.

“I didn’t intend to make you feel like a second choice, so please forgive me for that, ma chérie.”

“All is forgiven, Jaehyun.” You held both his hands, kissing them tenderly out of habit. “I’m overjoyed that you rekindled your creative side again.”

You were so understanding and empathetic, and Jaehyun aimed to act that way too. He learned so much from you as his friend before being his lover. Quickly enough, you’re both back to his portrait in the center. Like a critic, he narrowed his eyes and scrunched his nose. Tapping his chin with his finger,

“This man in Poetic Rose, he’s quite dashing.” He commented with conceit, walking closer to it to view it better. “His freckles are on point, his dimples and dazzling eyes too. Why exactly is he described as a Poetic Rose?”

“Well sir,” You stood beside him, imitating his actions. “This man here always spoke so eloquently, like he had a very poetic approach on life. He reminded me also of a rose by his rosy tinted cheeks and his beauty. He was alluring inside and out.”

“Is he your favorite muse?”

“I never quoted him as a muse because he’s more than that. Muses can be replaced once they no longer serve purpose towards the artist. Though with him, he’s the never-ending flame that I want to keep for the rest of time."

You held on to his hand, interlocking your fingers with his. The apparent reddening of his ears proved that he was flustered, yet you spoke no lies.

“Joyeux anniversaire, ma flamme.” (Happy birthday, my flame.)

“Merci beaucoup, ma chérie.” (Thank you, my darling.)

Something about his new release piqued your attention so you brought it up again.

“So tell me about your new book.”

“Let me show you instead.” Inside the blazer, there was an inner pocket that sealed a small hardbound book. Taking it out, he handed it over to you. “This is your copy.”

The cover of the book had an illustration of two young adults running down the fields under the bright sun, with the title written in cursive and placed in the center.

“L’Été de 1957.” (The Summer of 1957.)

Like a child who received a new gift in the mail, you flipped the book open. Seeing the table of contents and credits to other important people involved in the process, there was a detailed dedication right before the starting chapter. It’s an unexpected page, noticing that he never put anything like this in his last works.

“Pour ma chérie, qui a peint les couleurs manquantes de ma vie.” (For my darling, who painted the missing colors of my life.)

Although Jaehyun planned to write about the couples he met in the countryside, he chose to change his perspective. Instead, he based this new book on your summer romance, installing more original characters who made your romance blossom more.

“I was once so engaged in listening to people’s love stories, hung up on what they felt.” He expounded, pacing around the floor whilst you skimmed through the pages. There were black and white photos from your adventures too to wrap the reader further in the story.

“While I was struggling to find the next story, I realized late that my story with you was a perfect choice. When I fell in love with you, it’s like I didn’t have to fret anymore about anything. Everything slowly yet surely aligned into place for me. Like how we found inspiration in each other.”

A poetic speaker meant having a poetic, wise mind. You kept an open mind whenever Jaehyun shared his thoughts on life with you, an intimate time that didn’t require using your bodies. Whether you were stargazing or drinking wine by his patio, his soulful personality never changed.

“So I recapped every single memory we had and compiled them,” He resumed, taking a closer step towards yours. His warm hands grasped your waist again, catching a glimpse of your astonished face. Mostly, towards your lips that he missed feeling against his.

“This book expressed my own take on love this time, the one I want to grow in.”

You’d care less if you dropped the book and your coat right there, your major desire to kiss him again was driving your senses to the edge of a cliff. Nothing could’ve braced yourself the second you fervently collided your lips with his. It didn’t feel like you were in this exhibit, but somewhere back in his mansion engulfed in each other’s presence.

Your legs almost melted by your daring move, if it weren’t for Jaehyun’s arm moving upwards to your back to stabilize you more. Your body tingled with goosebumps due to his relaxing fingers all over your body. His tongue caved in your lips, and you couldn’t ban its access.

Such an explicit sight, it felt forbidden as you were inches away from the public crowd. Yet it was the least of your worries if they made a big fuss over it. Jaehyun was here again with you, and that was more valuable to you. He savored every trace of your touches, taking his delicate time with you. No past birthday could defeat this, especially when it’s the first one to celebrate with you. The first of many.

As much you wanted to keep this up for hours, your lungs started feeling constricted of air so your lips timidly let go. Though your hands couldn’t, your overwhelmed eyes couldn’t shift away from the heart-stopping view of your lover. Wherein even after such a fearless session, his eyes fused with love and need with his plumper lips.

“Everything about Provence, especially you, that’s the life I want.” You confessed this concealed secret that’s revolved your head for a while now. Yet its certainty was true.

“Are you sure, ma chérie? What about work?” As an artist, he believed you should stay where everything is accessible. Yet as his woman, he wanted you to follow your heart. Jaehyun didn’t want you to choose or struggle.

“I’ve grown out from the idea that the city life was the only life meant of an artist like me.” You replied, confident enough to discuss it after deep thought. “Cities like Paris hold exciting, vigorous flames that will have you clinging on to them. But then, they’ll eventually die the longer you stay. You get burned in the process too. However, I stand by what I said earlier. I found an endless flame when I met and began loving you, Jaehyun. It doesn’t sting at all; it illuminates strongly every living day.”

Urging him to lower his stance with your fingers, you stated one last phrase. “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

“If that’s the case,” Jaehyun acknowledged, sticking his arm out for you. “Let’s get out of here.”

Astounded expressions crowded the socialites in the event as they watched the both of you exit together. If the news of Krystal and Donghyun weren’t crazy enough, some journalists figured the mysterious man behind The Poetic Rose and spread it like wildfire.

How was the youngest son of the Jeong family turned renowned romance novel author connected to the impressive, up-and-coming painter from London?

What really went down in Provence?

“How can you miss out on the signs? Did you not see them share a kiss earlier?” Key protested to those who weren’t approving whatever relationship you guys had. He loved his tea but hated those who simply were money hungry. Wanting a chance to be a part of the rich family, only to fish them out of their riches sooner or later.

Meanwhile, the winter season didn’t stop any of you from roaming the streets of Paris. Moments like these were a preview of the future you’ve envisioned with Jaehyun. Youthful, free, and fiery, a love between two artists created more magic not just in their crafts but to those around them.

Promenading a street overlooking the Seine River, Jaehyun took out a smaller instant camera from his pocket and took a candid shot of you. Stunned, you slapped his chest with your bag.

“Hey! Just how many more things are hidden in your blazer?”

“Just my wallet and a few condoms. Why’d you ask?” He raised a suggestive brow, feigning good intentions.

You hummed, faking your deep thought mindset. “At this rate, I don’t think we’ll make it back to my apartment alive.”

Jaehyun tugged you by your coat, his lips hovering your ear to whisper. “If we call a cab right now, I can finger you in the backseat.”

You chuckled at his vulgar idea, but it seemed ideal. You loved the thrill of getting caught or having someone overhearing you two, just like him. Besides, his fingers don’t match up to yours when you touch yourself alone in your apartment. You bat your eyelashes, giving in.

“Deal.”

6 ans plus tard (1964)

Summer returned, the sun strongly smiling down to the plentiful flowers at your family garden. By the patio of your home, your canvas was already laid by the easel stand. Shades of yellow were applied first to symbolize the brightness of the day, following the outline of your desired scenery for this piece.

Dipping the brush in water to change colors, you took another glance at the breezy sky. Light blue with clouds resembling soft pillows, you inhaled gently as your brush faintly stroked the canvas again.

Your hair was tied in a bun, meaning that you’re in for a busy session. But a more soothing one as the jazz music flowed from the vinyl player inside. Stress was the last thing you needed right now.

“What’s madame artiste up to right now?” Your husband piped in from behind, placing down a tray of tea and crackers. With some top buttons of his white top left unattended, you glimpsed on his toned chest when he leaned down. But you mustn’t pry whilst working, even when temptation was calling your name repeatedly.

“The summer sunshine healed me of my discomfort, so I think it’s about time I painted again.” You chewed on the snack, looking back and forth to the view. As enchanting as all the flowers you and him planted over the years grew, you’re more amused by a little boy strolling around it with his magnifying glass and tiny wooden basket with his furry puppy by his side.

His tiny legs often troubled the two of you because he enjoyed spending time with nature. Only God knows what he found in the garden this time.

“Adrien est explorer encore. Devrais-je lui dire qu’il change de place, ma chérie?” (Adrien is exploring again. Should I tell him to change places, my darling?) Jaehyun cautiously asked, not wanting his 3 year old son to impair your perspective.

“Non,” (No,) You held on to his hand, kissing it sweetly. Although you peeved any unnecessary details found in your scenery in the past, Adrien was an exception. As his mother, it’s hard to say no to him unless necessary.

“Il est un garçon curieux, alors il devrait explorer et flâner où il veut.” (He’s a curious boy, so he should explore and wander wherever he wants.)

Life ever since you returned to the countryside shifted into something more precious than you imagined. From moving places constantly, you found a home to settle in for good. A home with overflowing love and inspiration. A home within Jeong Jaehyun.

Recently, you halted your work-related activities in Paris and came home because you were heavily homesick. It even affected your health as a whole. So you made adjustments with your schedules, postponing appearances to events to next year.

On the plus side, you could be more active as a mother to Adrien. It felt like you burdened Jaehyun to take care of Adrien most of the time because he mainly worked from home, wherein important people who wanted to meet him would have to fly out to the countryside.

Back and forth to Paris, your presence towards Adrien often lacked. Here came your biggest fear, which was Adrien forgetting you. But Jaehyun told you over and over again that it wasn’t the case. As he listened to every wrenching thought you had, but he’d combat it with heartfelt words of reassurance so you wouldn’t overanalyze things.

He vowed to love and take care of you when times get hard, and he will continue doing so.

Remember when you said how his mansion felt too big?

It no longer did after getting married.

It gave more room to grow and breathe more life into it. When Adrien was born, he was the prime reflection of your and Jaehyun’s love. He mirrored his father’s physical traits but with a daring personality like yours. A perfect mixture, the world worked amazingly to bring a boy like him into your life.

“Maman! Papa!” Adrien bolted to where you and Jaehyun stood. From the clothes he wore, it’s very much clear that his father was in charge of it whilst you slept in the entire morning. Suspenders, capri shorts, a white shirt, and a red beret, he deserved his title as Jaehyun’s mini-me.

Jaehyun swelled with pride and love for his only son, peeking over what he brought to show and tell you both. “Oh Adrien, what do you have for us today?”

In his basket, there were 3 sunflowers stuck out from the edge. It’s been a while since you’ve seen some in full bloom, lowering your stance to get a more vivid view. He took them out to hand them to you and your husband.

One flower for Jaehyun and two for you. You let out a gasp, scrunching your brows to the center. He always gave one of each item to you and Jaehyun, never more or less.

“Ooh, deux fleurs pour Maman. Pourquoi, Rien?” (Ooh, two flowers for Mama. Why, Rien?) Jaehyun let his nickname out for his lips while you grasped his small hand.

“Well, I heard from Olivier next door that on his birthday, he gave extra flowers to his mother so he could have another sibling. And it worked!” He spoke so innocently, yet it hitched a choke from Jaehyun’s chest. Your eyes widened from disbelief. The information he collected due to his curiosity, no boundaries truly.

“Le mois prochain, c’est mon anniversaire. Je me demandais si je peux avoir un frère ou sœur comme Olivier? Tu es toujours occupée, comme Papa. Je ne veux plus être seul, alors je veux une amie aussi.” (It’s my birthday next month, and I was wondering if I can have a sibling like Olivier? You are always busy, like Papa. I don’t want to be alone anymore, so I want a friend too.)

You exchanged looks with Jaehyun, not knowing how exactly to respond. Although you and Jaehyun did agree that you wanted more than one child when you were younger, neither of you brought it up again since your careers were always loaded with plans.

Adrien was a surprise child actually, conceived on the night where you and Jaehyun celebrated after L’Été de 1957 was announced to be the best-selling romance novel of the decade in the country.

In Paris at his family home, where his parents brought out all their prized liquor, the two of you drank the entire night away to the point Krystal and Donghyun had to push you away from each other from your public affections because their children were present.

But it didn’t stop you two once you reached his bedroom, far away from everything and everyone. And you’ll never change it.

“Oh, Rien,” You eased in, consoling him. “Je suis désolé. Mais c’est franchement une grande demande, n'est-ce pas?” (I am sorry. But that’s quite a big request, right?)

“Mom and I will think about it first, okay? Another kid is a big responsibility, and you’ll be their older brother. That’s another important job, can you do it well?”

“Yes, I can, Papa!” He beamed with glee, his covered head patted by his father after. As you placed the sunflowers beside your palette, Adrien then proceeded to ask you if he could paint with you like old times.

Never you refuse especially with his sparkling round eyes and chubby face that makes you want to squish every time.

As you lifted his light body to sit on your lap, you placed your brush between his stubby fingers and carefully aimed in whatever angle seemed fit so the painting process would run smoothly and perfectly. He let out sounds of amazement when the strokes get bigger, jumping slightly too because the picture became more vivid. You’d smile and coo at him, commending whenever he followed instructions well. As his mother, you only encouraged your child in whatever they want to excel in.

Adrien was the child of two artists, so it was only natural that he had an artistic side in his veins.

Too caught up in your fun, hearing the automatic shutter of the camera from your side was delayed. The source was none other than Jaehyun hiding behind his camera. Jaehyun’s heart soared at the heavenly view of the most important people in his life, wanting to treasure the moment as a lovely memory.

“Hey!” You shouted, placing down the messy brush by the palette. “Je suis très laid!” (I am very ugly!)

“Shh! Tu est rayonnant, ma chérie. Papa est juste, Rien?” (Shh! You are glowing, my darling. Papa is right, Rien?)

Jaehyun politely quizzed the peppy boy, nodding excitedly. His dimples deeply showed up, the main trait he claimed from his father.

“Oui, papa! Maman est toujours belle!” (Yes, papa! Mama is always beautiful!)

He exclaimed, pecking your cheek numerously. You squealed, attacking him with tickles and kisses back. His shouts of delight, then he was suddenly carried by your tall husband in the air like he was flying in the sky. Adrien enjoyed that motion highly, ending up on Jaehyun’s shoulders shortly after to play by the garden again.

“Go paint. I’ll take care of him now.” Jaehyun persuaded, roaming through the long rows of flowers in full bloom. Though seconds after adding some strokes to your piece, you let down your hair, put a hat and sandals on, and ran to the cute duo to join them.

And that’s how your family spent the entire afternoon. By the garden, running around and taking photos and short videos from Jaehyun’s camera. Freezing these valuable memories, this was truly the life you loved so much.

After your break, you could convince the company you worked at that you’d prefer fewer trips to Paris and stay in the countryside longer. How badly you’ve wanted to hold your exhibits here instead. Plus like Jaehyun, let influential people visit you. You’ve already made a big name for yourself now, so that should be valid enough.

Dinner time passed by quickly too, eventually putting Adrien to a smooth slumber as you massaged the roots of his soft hair while Jaehyun sang him a lullaby. This was your joint parenting technique with him since he was a newborn, and it worked quickly as lightning.

You redressed into your silk nightgown after bringing your canvas to the master bedroom, opening the balcony doors to invite the cool breeze in. You tweaked some bits of your painting, including a silhouette of your small family. Regarding where to place it, probably by the living room as it matched the theme.

“What a spectacular day, don’t you think, ma chérie?” Jaehyun conversed, admiring the calm movements of your brush. He noticed a quirky smile grace your lips.

“It’s been a long time since we had quality time like that with Rien. He’s a feisty ball of energy these days.” You replied with a nostalgic daze. “It’s so crazy how one day, he was still crawling to us. Now, he could outrun the both of us.”

“Comme le temps passe vite, hmm?” (How time flies fast, hmm?) Nodding, nothing braced for what your husband had in mind. You almost dropped your brush mid-way. Jaehyun’s lips impatiently devoured your neck, his huge hands fondling your breasts. Violently throwing your head back against his chest, a needy moan parted your lips.

“Jae-” His touches reaching south to where you desired him highly, dampening hastily as your legs naturally spread apart. Rushed exhales, “À quoi tu penses maintenant?” (What are you thinking about right now?)

“Rien se sent seul,” (Rien feels alone,) His hot breath whispered against your ear, his fingers dangerously trailing your thin panties up and down. With your hands tightly clutching on his bicep,

“Alors, donnons-lui une amie.” (We should give him a friend.)

Ever since Adrien mentioned such a daring topic, it hasn’t left Jaehyun’s mind the whole day. After seeing you in utter bliss with your son earlier, he found you so majestic and radiant. It’s a different kind of happiness, especially for parents.

Now you went on hiatus, he thought that it was the right time to have another. He enjoyed his younger years with Krystal, and he wanted Adrien to experience it too. 3 years was quite a wait, and it seemed ideal to try again.

From his nude chest, you flipped around to intensely clash his lips with yours. Draping your arms behind his neck, Jaehyun lifted your entire figure from the chair. His hands gripping on your butt, he delicately lowered you down your bed.

Drowning into his sensual kisses with his hands all over you, this could prolong for hours. Reddening love marks started to resurface whilst your fingers tugged on the drawstring of his pajama pants. Jaehyun’s fingers dove under the fabric of your panties, his index finger rubbing figure 8s the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You struggled to swallow your moans, not wanting Rien to hear it. You wouldn’t want to repeat history, covering it as Jaehyun massaging you after a hard day.

“I know you want one too, ma chérie.” His fingers began to drape down the straps of your gown, presenting your breasts in its full, perky view. But before his lips could suck on your erect nipples, you parted momentarily from him and got up on your feet. Pulling up your straps again, Jaehyun simply laid down but he wasn’t pleased from how you left him hanging.

“Où vas-tu, ma chérie?” (Where are you going, sweetheart?)

He was growing impatient. You were never to interrupt such a sexy atmosphere ever.

From one of your drawers in your vanity table, an important, half-opened envelope was hidden. You were supposed to give it tomorrow but now seemed like a perfect time. Reading it as soon one of the maids handed it to you gave you the jitters, but in a positive way. Sitting back down on the edge of your bed, you exhilaratingly passed it to your husband.

“Qu’est-ce que c’est?” (What is this?)

“Ouvre-le.” (Open it.)

Jaehyun slowly opened the edges and once he took out the contents. Reading it thoroughly, he couldn’t believe it as his jaw dropped, pacing from the letter and you back and forth.

“Vraiment, ma chérie?” (Really, my darling?)

It was from a doctor you visited in Paris a few days before you left, who confirmed just exactly what caused your health to go feeble suddenly. You already had one certain suspicion, which you addressed in your leave of absence letter. Amelié, who finally got the position as the head, couldn’t believe her ears and insisted you take all the time off you needed.

“On dirait que Adrien a reçu son cadeau d'anniversaire en avance.” (It looks like Adrien received his birthday gift early.)

Overall, it turned out the headaches and repeated vomiting you mistook as motion sickness from traveling was a surprise hello to your second child.

A girl specifically, thanks to the blood test she recommended.

“Je t’aime, (Y/N).”

“Montre moi combien tu m’aimes, Jaehyun.” (Show me how much you love me, Jaehyun.)

The whole night through, the two of you vigorously celebrated with the moonlight from the windows and a few scented candles set in the room. Wet kisses left on your collarbone, words of devotion exchanged, holding his hand as he groaned from heartily thrusting in you, the number of moans from your lips overlapped with the vinyl playing in the room. The intimacy between you two increased, almost as if you made love for the first time again all those years ago.

Excluding being drenched from the rain.

Once the two of you grew tired, Jaehyun lied down beside you. Wrapping one arm around, one hand trailed down your naked skin again. His wedding band flashed your eyes, reminding you of the commitment you promised each other. For better, and for worse.

Jaehyun promised to love you endlessly as a woman and his wife, and it didn’t cease when you became the mother of his children. He respected how strong you are, physically and mentally. He helped you in any way he could as you endured the struggling process.

At the end of the day, his family was his biggest priority. More than ever now, you needed him as you go through the pregnancy phases again. Specifically, his index finger lingered on your stomach. There was no bump or other signs of showing, except for that glow he complimented you earlier on.

“We met and fell in love over the summer, got married in summer, had Adrien mid-summer, and now found out about our daughter at the start of summer.” He smiled, blessed at all the good he’s received during this time.

“The summer gods must adore us.” Your vacant hand with your wedding band topped his. To love and to cherish. “Ils m'ont amené à toi.” (They brought me to you.)

His power on you was simply addicting, as if your early twenties revisited you. You straddled himself once again, your fingers caressing his face sweetly. When it reached his lips, he placed longing kisses there and pulled you closer again for another kiss on your lips. In between, you mumbled in a silvery tone,

“Then they led us to say I do. Pour toujours et à jamais.”

copyright © 2021 by alluringjae.

[googledocsdyke]

thinking incredibly earnestly about like why i unironically love bite me (a google slides social media au) as much as i do and why it’s so fucking funny and i think a huge part of it is that it lays bare the process of total decontextualisation that generally is at work within the self-contained world of like, fic in general. like, in many ways most fic is the same fic. i think we can generally agree on this. obviously there are like fics that transform the way you view the source text, or fics that generate their own world and fandom (down to agincourt), or fics with profound complex thematic engagement (so says the sword) or fics that have their own specific cult status (my immortal, twist and shout). but like the reason the fic ecosystem chugs along, the reason bajillions of fics are posted to ao3 every day, is because of the kind of fic that is so clearly based off other fic, maybe just shifted 2 degrees to the left.

like fanfiction IS by and large a repetitive medium that is often primarily interested in working off and re-articulating very widely accepted tropes. think of all the largely identical 15x20 fix-it codas you may have read. or this harry potter au i wrote when i was fourteen years old that could not have ANYTHING less to do with the actual characters dean, cas, or charlie as written in-show, or even like, anything to do with hogwarts as a setting. there was NO reason it needed to be a harry potter au. why the hell were the x-men there? there was no characterisation. the presence of potions homework, and gryffindor dean, and “charlie ships it,” were all just empty signifiers towards a narrative that i knew better from reading other fics than from watching the show itself. actually, i think at this point i hadn’t even watched any charlie episodes, but you wouldn’t be able to tell! because i lifted my concept of charlie wholesale from other fics that asserted that this was her “characterisation” and her place in the story. like it Was a 1600-word exercise in copy-paste, which is what large amounts of fanfiction are and historically have been. and is so fundamental to why we keep coming back to them

and i’m not saying this as like. a normative or “judgmental” statement in any way! i think there’s no point in insisting that all fic be like. deeply grounded in discrete characterisation or a sincere engagement with the complex themes of the original text, or whatever. firstly because a) most people writing fic ARE young teens/young adults who do so as a kind of participatory gesture, a low-effort way to signal their earnest investment in a particular ship or imagined narrative, and b) decontextualisation is like… at the beating heart of what fanfiction is. like most fanfiction is not “literary” (in huge skeptical quotes bc of how contested that very term even is) but it also feels like it’s a mistake to… ask it to be? i’m thinking along the lines of this post, where gothhabiba asks that we “articulate an actual theory of how and why fanfiction is created, its relationship to other kinds of media and writing, and what it does for the people who write and read it,” rather than “arguing about whether or not it’s ‘good’” . because that is truly a moot point!

i think as most of us return for the renaissance, some 6-7 years older, we’re now at the point where we’re able to engage (more) critically with the substantive text of the show, the actual themes it engages and (mis)handles, the cultural context in which it was produced, the texts it builds off of, intentionally or unintentionally, and the critical frameworks we can apply to it. and all of that is like overall a very good and interesting thing!! but it’s also so interesting when paired alongside the decontextualising impulse that drives a LOT of fandom engagement

ANYWAYS. all this to say that like 95% percent of the joy of bite me is how unapologetically ooc it is. like this is the continuous thing i’ve been talking about other people with. you could copy-paste any characters from any broadly popular media into this situation and the characterisation/speech would be no more or less jarring; it would still make the same amount of “sense” from an in-universe perspective. nothing about this au is really about dean and cas so much as it’s about decontextualised figures LABELLED dean and cas (and again, this is not some literary condemnation or smth, the majority of fic does this in some way! i’m just using bite me as an example). we are told to believe that sam winchester, a grown white man & published author, says “yall wildin” unprompted and that kaia nieves tweets things like “oomf famoose” and it’s fucking hilarious. it’s so good. because intentionally or not, it DOES reveal how much of fic, as a genre, is utterly separated from the characters they propose to be telling a story about.

i said earlier today that bite me is a social media au written in a riverdalian fashion, and i don’t just mean that in a general “it’s bad but good but outrageous” way, but more specifically that both bite me and riverdale decide on something objectively absurd and instead of shying away from it or trying to cover up the writer’s lack of knowledge, it faces it head on. like we ARE told unapologetically and continuously that actors live in their trailers when they’re filming a movie, that a hashtag trending for one day is enough to get a magazine writer that hasn’t been accused of sexual misconduct fired, that dean and cas are starring in a gay romantic comedy called fucking trainspotting. and the writer doesn’t/won’t/shouldn’t apologise for a word of that. in the same way that riverdale will look you dead in the eye and say “archie is going to war and world war ii-era combat aesthetics never ended even though it’s 2020” or “jughead got into the iowa writer’s workshop despite never having been an undergrad” and like what are you supposed to do? make fun of it?? the text doesn’t CARE if you make fun of it! it’s light years ahead of you! it’s so totally unconcerned with this “realism” you’re supposedly chasing that the joke doubles back on you.

so like tldr: bite me is emblematic of the decontextualising urge at the heart of your average fanfiction, lays bare its own ridiculousness, and raises genuinely fascinating questions abt what fanfiction as a text is meant to be or do. also kaia and claire fall in love on stan twt. UNPARALLELED media experience

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

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Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??