#there are so many parts of Angel that Cordelia doesn’t and will never get

[liam-summers]

I violently reject the entire narrative that Cordelia knew and understood Angel better than anyone else and that Angel knew and understood Cordelia better than anyone else. This is literally not true in any season of either show.

[coraniaid]

Just thinking about this post some more.  

Really, there are so many instances in Season 3 alone of Buffy either having experiences that directly parallel things Faith must also have gone through or explicitly telling her friends that she can personally relate to Faith or just generally advocating for Faith as a person. 

Off the top of my head, we’ve got:

Buffy’s dismal one bedroom apartment in LA (in Anne) mirroring Faith’s motel room in Sunnydale

Buffy packing as if she’s planning to run away again in Dead Man’s Party, just one episode before Faith does the same thing when she hears about Kakistos being back in town

Buffy approvingly telling Giles at the end of Faith, Hope & Trick that Faith “had a lot to deal with, but she did it” and being inspired by her example to finally admit the truth of what happened to Angel last season

Buffy telling Cordelia in Homecoming how much she resents the fact that Slaying is “all I do; this is what my life is” and how she wishes she could one day pick up a yearbook and say she went to high school and had friends (compare this with Faith’s admission a couple of episodes ago that she dropped out of high school in part because she really didn’t have any friends)

Buffy telling Willow and Xander in The Wish that she’s been trying to reach out to Faith and that she realizes that “Slaying’s a rough gig; too much alone time isn’t healthy”

Buffy being betrayed in consecutive episodes by her mother (in Gingerbread; compare with Faith’s “my dead mother hits harder than that” or "mom was so busy drinking and enjoying the passing out parts of life") and by her Watcher (in Helpless; compare with Faith being betrayed by Gwendolyn Post)

Buffy’s “ode to Faith” during the chemistry test in Bad Girls (“it was intense … I don’t think [anyone else] can [understand it].  It’s kind of a Slayer thing”)

Buffy insisting to both Angel and Giles in Consequences that, whatever she says, Faith wants to be helped (“she just doesn’t know how to say it”)

Buffy telling Willow in Doppelgangland that Faith “had it rough” and that in “different circumstances, that could be me” (something the audience knows is true from The Wish)

Buffy wondering if Angel and Faith might be getting a little too intimate, and when Willow tells her not to worry about being cheated on saying “you’re right, Faith would never do that”.

And that’s not even mentioning how Buffy must have felt about seeing her own first Watcher die, or how she reacted to coming back to Sunnydale and finding out that the Master might still be alive (in When She Was Bad) or her experiences with Ted in Ted, or of being kicked out of her house in Becoming.  It’s not mentioning any of what Buffy later goes through in Season 6 (dragging herself from the grave the way Faith does in her coma dreams; suddenly having to struggle for money and make sense of a world in which she finds herself without control or purpose; being convinced that she’s killed an innocent person and wanting to die).

But the thing all these examples have in common is that Faith is not present to see or hear any of them, and (presumably) never finds out about them after the fact either.  I mean, she probably wouldn’t believe that these things had happened even if somebody had told her (and who would tell her?). 

The image of Buffy that Faith spends all season building up in her head – the perfect Slayer she’s always being unfairly compared to, the girl who gets the Watcher and the Mom and the friends; the impossible standard she’s never going to reach no matter how hard she might try – doesn’t have these flaws.  The Buffy Faith has nightmares about in Season 4’s This Year’s Girl, and whose life she tries to take over in the same season’s Who Are You? doesn’t have these flaws.  The Buffy Faith sees is a perfect Slayer who’s convinced she’s better than Faith ("admit it, you think you're better than me!"); and Faith can’t see past this image because it's something that deep down she herself agrees with.

In Enemies, Faith bemoans the fact that “everyone always asks: why can’t you be more like Buffy?  But did anyone ever ask if [Buffy] could be more like me?”.  And the answer is … yes, actually.  Buffy herself did.  Just not when Faith was around to hear it. 

[carygrantsbeard]

s4... tell me your buffy thoughts thus far!

Hiii sorry im responding a bit late i just wanted to properly answer!!

Okay SO! I’m really enjoying the new dynamics I haven’t watched in a few weeks so I’m still in the middle of the season but I’m really liking it so far esp the way they all have to navigate their new roles with each other especially the Scooby gang now that they’re not with each other all the time. I’m liking what they’re doing with the organization and obviously I can tell it’s gonna go wrong it’s just really nice to see it creep up. It makes me sad because I know Buffy’s probably really happy she gets to have more support from people who are actually trained (no offense to the Scooby gang) and who really really appreciate all her abilities it’s like not only does she kind of belong bc she doesn’t have to hide what she does but she’s admired and they want more from her!! Again it’s gonna go awry soon I’m scared she’s gonna be heartbroken 💔

I think the show’s doing well to fill the gap Angel left, it feels very different but not bad. I do miss Angel and Cordelia a lot I really thought he would be in the show way longer. Idk how unpopular of an opinion this is but I don’t care much for Anya, sorry women 😔 I know she’s meant to be funny but she’s not Cordelia-funny like her quips just never make me laugh… and on paper I’d be into her relationship with Xander but it’s just not clicking for me and I wish they’d have more going on for him…and for Giles. But I guess that’s where their characters are in their development they have to find their own roles.

Considering how many of the characters aren’t there anymore I think it’s still rlly good bc a show can get really bad when that happens but I like the transition. And I love how they’re incorporating more spike but I’ll miss him interacting with Angel. And I miss Faith SO MUCH she’s my favorite character. I guess some people think angel is boring but his trauma is such a never ending source like things always come back to him no matter good he tries to get, idk he just makes any interaction with other characters so good. My favorites were of him with Faith ugh…💔

Im just wondering how they’re going to treat this plot esp with the next seasons bc shows tend to try to find higher and higher stakes and it ends up not being very much about the characters anymore so I hope it won’t fall into that. I’m enjoying Buffy getting to be hopeful with Riley and thinking she could have a life where she doesn’t need to hide who she is but at the same time won’t need to lose her humanity but us as viewers can obviously feel all the upcoming downfall. Like at least with Angel she knew what he was and that it’d be impossible in the long run but now she’s not guarded at all so it’s like knowing a train wreck is coming…all in all I don’t think I’m regretting the hs part of the show but it’s more the characters I miss!

[tuiyla]

Buffy season 6!

Okay I finally have a moment to write this out and it’s now or never so here goes, beginning of Buffy season 6 thoughts. Seen up to episode 6.

I knew going into it that it was a controversial season and obviously I’m yet to see most of it but I really enjoyed the tone the opening three episodes set. It was dark and ominous but not in the “for the sake of it” kind of way. BtVS got more saturated, if not substantially tonally more jovial when Angel the Series started but the start of season 6 almost felt like the Wishverse, what with gangs ransacking Sunnydale and Buffy nowhere to be seen. When I first accidentally found out that Buffy would die once again and return yet again, I didn’t think much of it. In that, she has died once and sure, we got an episode long PTSD and Kendra and Faith as a result (sigh, Faith) but the world didn’t feel fundamentally different. Due to many different factors, including the excellence of Buffy’s sacrifice in The Gift, this time it felt different. The Scoobies, while not quite a shell of their former selves are markedly different. Life went on but the absence of Buffy is felt in every corner. Everyone is effected but standing out the most is Willow, now leader and powerful, perhaps too powerful witch.

Willow’s development has been fascinating to follow and though she didn’t have the most to do in season 5, her not so quiet progression was all too clear when she took on Glory. And Willow’s game face when faced with the loss of Buffy is as serious as it was with Tara’s, such is the depth of their friendship. Alyson Hannigan, newly promoted to the special last but least position of the credits portrays Willow as beautifully as ever and brings a whole new dimension to her. This isn’t the same Willow Rosenberg who was too afraid to talk back to Cordelia in the pilot. She knows what she wants and what she wants is Buffy, alive and well and back with her family. Her path this season is set, even if I didn’t have vague (and not so vague) ideas of what’s yet to come. And Willow’s hardened determination is only highlighted when juxtaposed with her more relaxed self after Buffy returns. Hannigan taps more into the old Willow when Buffy’s back: her smile, her jokes, as if the weight has been lifted from her shoulders now that her friend is back. Now that the chosen one is back. But all is not well with Willow, and part of that is all being far from well with Buffy.

When it clicked what they were going for with Buffy at the end of episode 3, I felt a special kind of delight. The one you get when you know you’re about to witness something great. In this case, a fascinating journey and conflict for Buffy. They can never know but they will. Her friends will eventually have to face the fact that they ripped her right out of heaven itself. I wasn’t sure about her initial shock at first, in that I wasn’t sure it was going to be appropriately serious but also adding to her as a character. But the revelation that she’s not just startled, she’s resentful is delicious drama. And already in season 6 we have what I can only logically conclude is the build-up to Spuffy. Buffy is now so emotionally distant from her friends and even, to a degree, from Dawn. This enormous secret that she has to keep comes with having to pretend she’s grateful for something that she actually resents and tries so hard to wrap her head around. And here comes Spike, someone she doesn’t have to pretend with, someone who, if in a twisted and remote sort of way, is the closest to getting it. What an interesting way of building up Buffy’s side of the relationship, how refreshing that they’re putting the storytelling effort in instead of just catering blindly to what would be aesthetically pleasing. Granted, I still cannot yet say whether I will be satisfied with the way Spuffy unfolds but colour me intrigued at this point in time.

I had a few more thoughts after the first six episodes but really Willow and Buffy in the first three was the bulk of it and what excites me most about this polarizing season. I will say three gripes I’ve had just to let it out. One is the coffin of it all, obviously, Buffy’s friends being skilled enough to pull a resurrection off but not thinking to actually dig her body up before returning her soul into it. Also on the topic of the resurrection, why is everyone fully convinced that Buffy, saviour of the world on several occasions, defender of the innocent, hero to all went to hell? Or a version of hell, anyway. I get that so far in the Buffy lore there wasn’t much about any sort of heaven, just the different kinds of hell, but surely Giles or someone would stop to think, gee surely Buffy would have gone to heaven if there was one. I’m fine with the concept of them wanting to resurrect her regardless, fits very well with Willow’s story and of course their grief would be stronger than any notion of Buffy possibly being at peace. But still.

And finally, I really hope the Trio are just a decoy “Big Bad” and will soon be shoved out of the way to introduce... anyone else. They’re played for laughs so obviously they aren’t the actual Big Bad but I don’t think their comedy is funny, at all. Jonathan just pisses me off so much, someone who has SO MUCH to be grateful to Buffy for being a little shit. And as a group they’re just pathetic, not amusing. I don’t see how them messing with Buffy was played for comedy when girl is suffering enough as it is. She was ripped from nirvana and put back into the wheel, and we’re going to spend an episode, potentially more on some little shits inconveniencing her? No, please, get rid of them asap. Continue what the first three eps were building to and I’ll be happy.

[rahirah]

Gwendolyn: You wanted to see me, Mr. Giles? Giles: Yes. I do apologize for bringing you in at this late hour. Gwendolyn: Please. A good Watcher must be awake and alert at all hours. Giles: Would you like some tea? Gwendolyn: God, yes, please. I'm completely knackered. I spent the afternoon training with Faith. She doesn't lack for energy. Giles: She's your first Slayer, I take it? Gwendolyn: If you're questioning my qualifications... Giles: No, I'm not. I, uh, have the utmost respect for your methods... in my own American way. I also have the glove. Oh, not actually on me, but, uh, I believe it's safe. It's in a mansion on Crawford Street. A-a-a friend of Buffy's is keeping it there. Gwendolyn: Well. We must get to it. Immediately. Hide it before someone else finds it. Giles: Or better still, destroy it. Gwendolyn: Destroy it?

~~Buffy Episode #41: "Revelations"~~

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[lesbianbluesey]

for the ot3 your top4 ships

Spuffy ehh I could go for Spike x Buffy x Faith only in the context of Spike and Faith are platonic Faith is a lesbian edit: oh and I could get on board with Buffy x Spike x Angel. I have read a couple fics (I could only find BA tolerable if either Spike or Cordelia was involved ot3 wise Cordelia would be better)

Fuffy I have two Ot3’s with them I actively love and they’re Buffy x Faith x Willow and Faith x Buffy x Tara the former has so many layers to it I’m obsessed with the way it’s played as a little like a love triangle on all sides in late s3, I’m a Faith x Willow truther i love the way their arcs parallel each other and they have a fun antagonistic chemistry (I was also all about Glitra on Spop and their dynamic is very similar so lmao ) and while it’s not as high as other dynamics on my buffyverse femslash list I have grown to quite like Buffy x Willow and find it interesting romantically especially circa s3 (I never felt that way about Adora and Glimmer though I was solely there for Catradora and Glitra Glitra slightly more than Catradora at a certain point but only slightly. And truth be told a lot of that is because I see both those dynamics as analogous to their Btvs counterparts but as much as I love Catradora it isn’t Fuffy / doesn’t hold a candle to my love for them while Glitra canon development and arc actually nailed my ideal Willow x Faith dynamic I would have liked to see if later seasons were as interested in it as I was so it was like a little treat just for me…anyway off topic). Basically a lot of messy fun to be had with that ot3 meanwhile I think Tara x Buffy x Faith would compliment each other really well like I love Buffy x Tara they’re so lovely together my best girls and Tara and Faith have interesting parallels both being from abusive family situations being lesbians being othered for different reasons, Tara is so non judgemental which is why she gets along with Anya and Spike so well and that could be really lovely for Faith and Tara liked gutsy women too . I think Tara as a third part of that relationship would really help along the aspect of Fuffy post series where they’d have to put in a lot of work to have a romantic relationship and trust after the events of canon so. I just think it’s a great idea. I would also be very here for a slayers4slayers4slayers pairing in Buffy x Faith x Kendra. I’m sure I wouldn’t be opposed to other Fuffy f/f/f Ot3’s either

Literati I could see Jess x Rory and Paris x Rory while Paris and Jess are simply best friends. But you’ll notice I have a lot less energy for this than I do for my #2 list

Andreil well I love Kandreil ofc!! No explanation needed

Thank you! <3

Send me an OTP and I’ll tell you who I’d ot3 them with

[mcgnagallsarmy]

My favourite Spuffy fics by genre

Action/Adventure:

A Different Kind of (Sunny)hell by OffYourBird [Adult Only]

Between juggling a New World Order, a bothersome Council, wayward magic, and – as always – some much with the confusing time travel, there is never a dull moment in Sunnydale for Liz and Elly. This is Season 6 as it exists in the Jumpverse.

The Butterfly Effect by cousinjean [NC-17]

Five months after the events of "Chosen," a still grieving Buffy must follow a time-travelling demon back to 1997 (circa Season 2) Sunnydale to prevent him from destroying the timeline--and try not to destroy it herself in the process.

Found by CupcakeCute [PG-13]

Begins between TGIQ and Power Play, continues post-NFA. Buffy learns of Spike's resurrection from an unlikely source and immediately sets out to make things right as The Apocalypse breaks out in L.A. Spike/Buffy pairing, some Angel/Cordelia.

Angst:

Circles by toooldforthis [PG-13]

They're so near and yet so far away.

A post-series reunion oneshot.

Reformation by OffYourBird [R]

When a Buffy from another dimension rescues Spike after he’s left beaten in Dead Things, his and Buffy's world is irrevocably turned upside down.

Stars For Wars Like Ours by ashcrashed [NC-17]

There's trouble brewing in Big Sky Country, and it calls for help from the original Chosen One and current General of Slayer, Inc. Buffy travels to the picturesque town of Bozeman, MT to assist a slayer contingent, and discovers a highly organized crime syndicate terrorizing the tourists, with plenty of muscle and a pesky aversion to sunlight. And it's there, she finds--much to her surprise--a familiar face also working the case, very much alive (though thankfully not on fire).

Apocalyptic/Dystopian:

The Right Call by Sigyn [PG-13]

Buffy never chose to be the slayer. She was chosen by fate. The world was in danger and she had no choice. Now the Slayers are called again, and Buffy is called on to do another job. It just feels as if fate hasn’t made the right call this time.

Scarlet and Midnight by Lirazel [R]

The world is remade in shades of scarlet and midnight, and all that's left is each other. [post-Season 2, AU from "Becoming Part II"]

Till the End of the World by slaymesoftly [R]

A short future fic, in which circumstances have kept Buffy and Spike apart for many years, but as the world slips into decline, he seeks her out.

Dark:

A Better Way to Go by kats_meow [NC-17]

It's Buffy's twenty-first birthday - you know, the one she was supposed to be conveniently dead for - and some smartass has left a crumpled up poem on her porch.  Is it trash, a wish, or a chance for something better?

Almost Paradise by Holly [NC-17]

When presented with the opportunity to magically alter the world she lives in, Buffy knows there are a lot of very good reasons why she shouldn't seize it, but figures things can't get worse. She's wrong.

The Writing on the Wall by Holly [NC-17]

There was no body to bury. There was no funeral. There was nothing but the three rules and the knowledge that a thousand years of torment was nothing compared to a world without her in it. Spike embarks on a journey through the Gates of Hell to rescue the one he loves, but in order to save her, he must risk losing himself.

Drama:

Such Great Heights by Enigmaticblue [PG-13]

When Buffy falls through the portal in The Gift, she doesn’t die. Instead, she turns up in Sunnydale—twenty years in the future. What happens when the one person she thought she’d never be happy to see is the one person who’s stayed the same?

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Sunalso [Adult Only]

Buffy has fallen into darkness and been forced to become a ghost in her own past. Only she didn't come back alone. What will it take to overcome depression, obsession, and death so that she can learn to live, love, and laugh again.

Wounded by incendie [NC-17]

When Buffy goes to Spike in the basement, she isn't prepared for what she finds. Can wounds be healed?

Dramedy:

A Different Kind of Christmas by OffYourBird [NC-17]

Inconvenient demons, ripped fishnets, and a harried Giles abound. It must be Christmastime with Liz and Elly. Join them for a century and a half of holidays in this special Jumpverse one-shot. (Fair warning: if you haven’t read the previous installments of the Jumpverse, this will likely not make very much sense.)

Kaleidoscope by Lirazel [PG-13]

"Can you tell me, is this love that I'm seeing?" One by one, the people in Buffy and Spike's lives try to add up the obvious.

Switch by Holly [NC-17]

Following Tutor, Quake, and Blow. Sure, Buffy's propositioned him before, but never in public. Too much risk of discovery and all that. Something’s not right, and Spike’s determined to find out what. Even if he hates her. Which he does.

Erotica:

Chiaroscuro by OffYourBird [NC-17]

At first, Buffy wasn’t even sure it was him. He was all the way across the gallery, far enough that he was reduced to chiaroscuro in motion—a shock of white hair swathed in rich black leather, his eyes dark and glittering and his skin nearly ivory in the bright gallery lights.

Embers by Dusty [NC-17]

Spike's the best boyfriend. He fulfills all of Buffy's fantasies. All of them.

Night Reflections by honeygirl51885 [NC-17]

He watched her from the shadows. She was a thing of beauty, but he wanted more. Needed more, always. “I’m not what men want.” Her words were a whisper in the dark. “You think you’re not desirable?” He would show her, make her see what kind of woman she really was. Buffy and Spike embark on a night of passionate exploration, showing each other what’s reflected within.

Established Relationship:

A Different Kind of Wedding by OffYourBird [NC-17]

A panicked vampire, a shocked Angel, and smutty goodness, oh my! It sounds like a different kind of wedding is on the horizon. Join Liz and Elly in this fluffy one-shot of their wedding and vow renewal, set in the Jumpverse.

I Fought the World for Your Hand (Give My New Body a Chance) by resignedlybeneaththesky [NC-17]

On a scale of 1-10, Buffy’s idea for her Halloween costume this year probably fell on a precarious 5. It could be great, doing everything she hoped and more for both she and Spike. On the other hand, it could easily fall down the wrong side of the slippery slope into majorly bad, rehashing things best left demolished in the past. Also, recycling ideas was not the best look. But, if it worked the way she envisioned, with a hope and a prayer…it would eclipse that concern. or Buffy dresses up in 1870s fashion for Halloween and a whole lot of love ensues.

Midnight Chicken and Other Recipes Worth Living For (A Slayer's Guide to Moving Forward and Being Happy) by talesofstories [PG-13]

Spike is back in Buffy's life, and now they get to build a life together, a life that can be whatever they want it to be.

Fighting:

Chaos Bomb by bewildered [NC-17]

Ethan Rayne had grand plans when he returned to Sunnydale in 1999, but when it came down to it, turning an ex-something-or-other into a demon really wasn’t grand enough for a wizard of his caliber. Not when he and Ripper could team up to unleash a little chaos on the government’s boys instead…

Dreamer by Gort [NC-17]

Buffy might dream of a normal college life but she got stuck with an annoying vampire instead. Spike’s found the Gem of Amara, but he won’t kill her and has taken to lurking around campus. Things go from bad to worse when they’re both captured by The Initiative and Maggie Walsh takes a special interest. Is Buffy crazy for relying on a vampire to help her put a stop to the professor’s genetic experiments, or is she discovering that normal might be overrated? Begins at Harsh Light of Day before going AU.

Of Malls and Mistletoe by bookishy [NC-17]

Ethan Rayne's up to his old tricks, having hung mistletoe with the opposite of care all over the Sunnydale Mall. When it becomes clear that the only way to stop chaos from reigning over the year's biggest shopping season is for enemies to snuggle up beneath it . . . well, it's just a good thing Buffy finds Spike there after hours. Set a week after Riley's departure in "Into the Woods."

Fix-It:

Crash by Holly [NC-17]

True, Whistler sent her back to fix just one thing, but Buffy has always been rather ambitious.

Train to Nowhere by violettathepiratequeen [PG-13]

For nineteen days after the collapse of Sunnydale, Buffy dreams of being with Spike alone on a train. Unless they never were dreams...

Unconditional by violettathepiratequeen [G]

Spike dusts Drusilla at Buffy's request, but Buffy isn't prepared for the state she'll find him in after the deed is done.

Fluffy/Comedy:

Golden Hour by kennedynoelle [R]

Spike never came to Sunnydale during the first few seasons. The first time Buffy sees him is during The Harsh Light of Day, sunbathing on campus adorned with the Gem of Amara. Oh no, she thinks, the pit of her stomach dropping and sending tinglies all over, he's hot. They start dating, Buffy unaware that her new boyfriend is a member of the undead. Of course, she has to find out eventually...

Right Next (Door) to You by talesofstories [PG]

“Why don’t you and Spike just move in together?” “Because that would be really weird? We’re neighbors and friends, Dawn; it’s not like we’re dating.” Buffy firmly ignored Dawn’s muttered, “You could have fooled me.” (Buffy and Spike are neighbors, best friends, confidants. What they aren't is dating. Which is the one thing that everyone assumes they are doing.)

Valentine's Shuffle by sweetprincipale [NC-17]

Every day is full of decisions that will change where you end up. Spike and Buffy travel down a Valentine’s Day road (or roads) where different choices put them on different paths. Will one of the paths bring them together?  (Note the timelines and events of season four have been altered here. Some things haven’t happened or haven’t happened yet.)

Happily Ever After:

The Blue Eye of the Storm by MaggieLaFey [NC-17]

Instead of the Scythe, what Buffy finds under the vineyard is a portal to another dimension. Spike has followed her there, and it’s the two of them that will cross the portal… and remain trapped on the other side for far longer than they’d expected. What will happen when the two of them—plus a local guide—are away from the stress of Chez Summers? Will they find some peace in the eye of the storm?

Calling My Name by MillennialCryBaby [PG-13]

Spike's been called a lot of things since he met Buffy.

Gestalt by OffYourBird [R]

A love story in pieces and parts.

Historical:

A Different Kind of Hell by OffYourBird [NC-17]

Jumping through Glory's tower portal, Buffy and Spike find themselves in a hell dimension they never expected. One that looks suspiciously like 1880's London. Will they find a way back home? Will the truth behind William the Bloody at last make itself known? Will Buffy ever stop butchering the Queen's English? Join them and find out. Starts off at the end of "The Gift."

The Darkling by OffYourBird [NC-17]

When Buffy’s quest to get Spike returned to her is fulfilled in an unexpected way, she finds herself in a complicated relationship with an intrigued master vampire who isn’t the man she loves, but who might be someday… if she can convince him to step out of the dark.

Only Time Will Tell by Grief Counseling [NC-17]

Buffy, Giles, and the rest of the Scoobies are living in London a year after the collapse of the Hellmouth. They are faced with an interesting mission to save the world: they must retrieve an artifact that was destroyed over a hundred years ago. The catch? Buffy must travel back in time to the exact location that Spike lived before he was turned to obtain the artifact. The pain of seeing him again after losing him, even in human form, might prove to be too much. Or it might be exactly what a grieving slayer needs. (Note: this post-series story does not include comics canon)

Horror:

A Matter Of Taste by Twinkles [Adult Only]

A potentially horrifying story of lust, blood and hunger when the world turns inside out. Set shortly before Buffy vs Dracula; Riley left town at the end of S4.

Cry Havoc, and Let Slip Your Heart by Touchstoneaf [Adult Only]

The Hellions have visited Sunnydale before. Here and there, in twos and threes, looking for a good time. Any hellmouth is a good time, after all.  Usually they don’t stay long, since the new Slayer started to get a reputation for making good times go bad. No one wants to play when there’s a sheriff in town. But then word gets around that a vamp with a reputation of his own has joined the Slayer’s camp. That pisses off more than a few boys in the demon world; especially demons with a score to settle and a serious dislike of vamps in general, that one in particular. What’s interesting is… Once the score gets settled, the sheriff gets distracted dealing with the fallout. And all of a sudden, the town’s wide open. Or is it?

What Goes Around by celtic_goddess [NC-17]

The citizens of Sunnydale find themselves acting on their darkest desires, and the Scoobies' summer vacation hangs in the balance. When Spike turns out to be the only one Buffy can trust, her carefully constructed black-and-white world starts looking a lot gray-shadier. Set in the summer after season 4.

Humor:

Best Served Cold by Girlytek [NC-17]

Willow takes D’Hoffryn up on his offer at the end of Something Blue. Now Buffy has a new roommate. And a really big waterbed.

Big Bad Boyfriend by bewildered [NC-17]

Slayers don't get weepy when their One True Love rides off into the night for good. They get mad, and then they get even. Buffy's determined to kick off college by finding Mr. Normal, just like Angel wanted -- and then rubbing her new True Love in Angel's face. She's got the perfect normal guy all picked out, until an unexpected encounter at a party gives her a better idea. After all, who could make a worse Bad Boyfriend than Spike?

Soft Spot by bookishy [PG-13]

After five years of being together, Buffy and Spike have gotten a lot better at communicating . . . well, mostly. A scene from a calmer, gentler alternate season twelve.

Hurt/Comfort:

For You To Be You by lafillesauvage [Adult Only]

Alternate ending for 7x13 The Killer in Me. What happened after Buffy and Spike returned to an empty Revello Drive following the chipectomy? Well, in this story, Buffy realises just how much she cares for Spike, which leads to some fluffy reconciliations involving chocolate ice cream and Walker, Texas Ranger. She also gets her period, and adult-only fun is had by all.

Let me go but hold me tight by Miss Marisol [R]

This time, heartbreak isn’t the right word, she thinks; it isn’t a breaking. Isn’t a something that comes about when your world gets turned on its head—it is simply a nothing. It’s a vacancy of everything good. She had once read that darkness doesn’t exist, that it is merely the absence of light, and she remembers that she hadn’t understood the meaning of this then - but now she does. Takes place during Anya's and Xander's wedding and goes AU from there. After Buffy breaks up with Spike, she realizes that she's made a terrible mistake...

What Makes A Monster by SleepingTigress [NC-17]

After the events of Hush, Spike sees Buffy captured by the Initiative. When her friends refuse to listen to him, he decides it's up to him to rescue the Slayer. She's HIS arch enemy, after all, and no one else gets to take her out.

Lighthearted:

Geopolitical Ramifications by Sunalso [NC-17]

S4. AU during Beer Bad. A vampire walks into a bar...

Letting It Out by MaggieLaFey [G]

After the events of A Trip to the Store and Turning the Tables, Buffy is FINALLY ready for the Three Magic Words... or at least, she wants to be. If you haven't read the other two, just know that Buffy and Spike have been together for a while and have had intense (but fun!) experiences of the bedroom kind.

Shot Through the Heart by bookishy [PG-13]

When Buffy finds out an assassin is gunning for her, there's only one place to hide. Unfortunately, the amenities are a little lacking. And her new cryptmate is a little surly, because she may have kind of sort of just gotten him shot. Pay him enough, though, and he won't mind too much, right? Set in the summer between Seasons 4 and 5.

Resurrection:

If I Loved You Less by MillennialCryBaby [NC-17]

How long had Spike been gone? 147 days. 148 at midnight. Except maybe today won't count?

Midnight in Rome by Dusty [R]

It'll take more than death and a fiery apocalypse to keep them apart now.

Wine-Colored by OffYourBird [NC-17]

There are so many shades of red, but Buffy sticks to the one she knows best.

Road Trip:

Down the Road I Go by Megan_Tam [NC-17]

A Slayer. A vampire. A 1959 DeSoto. Spike kidnaps Buffy and heads back to Brazil in a misguided attempt to appease Drusilla. What starts out as revenge turns into an experience neither will forget. If they don't kill each other first.

What Remains by MrsAkers [NC-17]

As the lone survivors of the final battle with Glory, Buffy and Spike run away from Sunnydale. Battling with guilt and an unfulfilled death wish, Buffy finds solace in Spike's company while the vampire just does his best to keep her alive. Goes majorly AU at The Gift.

Wild and Wonderful by solstice [PG-13]

Dawn is nine and three quarters. She is resilient, strange and sharp as a tack. She's a credit to her big sis. But she's just been kidnapped by one of the most notorious vamps of all time - Drusilla. Things look bad. Enter Spike, her very unlikely hero. Spike's relationship with Drusilla has been on the rocks since the Acathala debacle and the morsel in the crate is her double-edged gift to him: a chance to make things right, and a chance to be really bad. Kill the girl and make it hurt. But for some reason he. just. can't. Instead, he tosses the niblet into the trunk of his Desoto and hits the road, leaving his one hundred year relationship in tatters, and grinding his reputation into the dust. Buckle your seat belts nice and tight. We're in for a bumpy ride.

Romance:

A Warm Welcome by MaggieLaFey [NC-17]

Nineteen days after “Chosen”, Spike is spit out of the amulet in Angel’s office, and two months later he becomes corporeal. It takes him longer yet to find the courage to contact a certain slayer, who won’t be too happy about the wait. But will she forgive him and use this opportunity to finally start something new?

Having a Coke With You by resignedlybeneaththesky [NC-17]

“Buffy. Hi, it’s Wesley. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.” “I recognized the voice,” she found herself saying dumbly, and it made him laugh. “Yes, quite. Listen, I apologize for calling so late—or, early, I suppose—but there’s something that I feel I need to tell you, and it can’t wait.” Leaning up against the pillows, she had let out a sigh of exasperation. “Wes, we just brought the world back from the brink a few weeks ago. I’m still healing up, the gang is scattered, and we…we lost…” “I know,” he interrupted, though not unkindly. “But that’s the thing—it’s about Spike.” Buffy’s jaw dropped, like in all those stupid movies, but she couldn’t bring herself to make a sound. Her entire body felt frozen, except for her hands, which trembled so fiercely that the phone almost slipped from her grasp. “Wh-what?” “Spike is alive, Buffy. Er, well, it’s tremendously complicated, but he’s…here. At Wolfram & Hart."

World Enough, and Time by toooldforthis [R]

“You came back wrong,” he told her, all those years ago. He was right, but it took them a very long time to realise exactly what that meant. It meant a hundred more apocalypses, a thousand battles. It meant a journey, a prophecy, a war. They’d lose one other, and find their way back, and choose, again and again. And all the while, the earth was failing. There are a lot more people than you think who are here for the long haul – like, the really long haul. This is a story about two of them.

Slow-Burn:

Choices by lafillesauvage [NC-17]

After the big showdown in L.A., the Powers That Be decide to make each of their three Champions (Buffy, Angel, and Spike) a deal, which they may or may not choose to accept. This story follows what happened after they made those choices, how their lives played out in the years that followed, and how Buffy and Spike eventually found their way back to each other.

Nemesis by Holly [NC-17]

Book II of the Yellow Brick Road series. While trying to cope with mixed feelings and brewing resentment over the fact that Spike screwed her and vanished, Buffy finds herself increasingly suspicious about Faith's close relationship with Angel. Just as things can't get any more confusing, a blond vampire she was sure she would never see again decides that it's time.

Requiem by Holly [NC-17]

Every night, he saves her. Sequel to Perchance.

Tragedy:

Meet Me at Midnight by Dusty [NC-17]

A story about the stolen midnight hours of season seven.

Ten Minutes by FlightsofFancy [R]

Buffy, alone, looking for Oz in the Initiative. She only has ten minutes. She finds someone else. Life of a hero, impossible odds.

Time by flootzavut [G]

"I'm counting on you to protect her." "Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."

Decades later, Spike has fulfilled his promise.

[willowrosenboob]

in conversations about xander as a product of 90s television there isn’t much discussion of what i consider to be one of the biggest differences between him and any other male character of the time: xander isn’t very concerned with having sex as a teenager

a teenage boy wanting to have sex to grow into a man is a staple of coming of age tv for boys like xander. a lot of people treat him like he’s the same as this trope, that he’s only interested in buffy for sex, that he objectifies women and only sees them for their bodies, and that he has the priorities of any hormonal sexist boy. and yet xander isn’t concerned with losing his virginity. teacher’s pet is the only episode where he expresses insecurity over this, the fourth damn episode, and the plot even ‘punishes’ him for being a virgin (or more appropriately, lying about not being a virgin). and yet willow assures him that he thinks it’s cool, and it doesn’t come up again. he does sexualize women and make rude comments about them, but it really does come off as part of his goofy nature, if a bit unrealistically. the women in his life don’t see it as him making advances. his misogyny is a social performance, but he doesn’t care to actually follow through on what he says he wants. i don’t remember any moment after teacher’s pet where xander is insecure about being a virgin. he still has many insecurities related to his romantic life, but they’re not explicitly tied to sex like you would expect

even in his relationship with cordelia, which was defined by sexual tension and teenage hormones, they never once discuss if they want to have sex, or if they expect it from each other. their relationship is very physical, and yet they’re both fully comfortable staying at the level they’re at. it’s the emotional aspect of their relationship that causes the most conflict, mainly on xander’s part, as he wants their relationship to mean something more than just making out. that’s a pretty big gender reversal, and i think it speaks to xander’s larger role in the narrative

compared this to the leadup to buffy having sex for the first time. the whole of surprise is basically buffy deciding if she should have sex with angel. does she want to, does angel want to, is it the responsible thing to do, is buffy ready? but for xander, having sex for the first time is sudden and unprecedented. it is partially framed as a coming of age moment, as sex is something that has dominated xander’s mind for years (”i’m a guy, looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex”), plus this is the zeppo, a character defining episode for xander, but it is his heroism that speaks the most to his development, not him finally “getting the girl”. and he doesn’t brag to anyone about it afterwards. in fact, he’s quite insecure about this having happened. he deliberately hides it from his friends, in a way that parallel’s buffy’s avoidance of angel in innocence. as a male character, it would be so much easier for xander to represent typically “male traits” that buffy is encountering, but he shows again and again that what he values is something more typically associated with women

in all of xander’s relationships, he is not the one to initiate sex. it is always the woman. faith is the one to bring up sex in the zeppo, despite xander clearly trying to not think about it. i would even describe xander’s behaviour as him trying to be modest, in a way women generally are expected to. and then in his relationship with anya SHE is the one who shows the most interest in sex. she initiates it, she feels insecure when they’re not having enough of it, she more often reduces their relationship to sex than he does. HER desire is what drives their relationship at first. and i think it says a lot that buffy is more concerned with sex, or the lack thereof, in her relationships than xander is. in season 3 xander is fully comfortable at the level of intimacy his relationship with cordelia is at, meanwhile buffy is constantly fighting her desire for angel. buffy, as a woman, is portrayed as more sexually driven than xander is, despite being less outwardly sexual

and idk. i just really appreciate how xander subverts these ideas of what being a teenage boy is like. he hangs out mainly around women, he comes to terms with said women being stronger than him, and despite acting like it, he’s really not that concerned with sex in his relationships. if xander was as straight forwardly misogynistic as everyone claimed i really don’t think any of these things would be true. even the most uncomfortable aspects of misogyny in btvs are there for a reason, and it’s not to show that it is innate to men. more often than not it’s a performance, or a representation of their own insecurity, and it’s something that the good guys have to work through and confront. i just find this very indicative of the philosophy of the show, and how it views growing into identity

[quillify-tries-to-talk]

Defense and Love

(A rewrite of that scene in Chain of Gold where Cordelia does not defend her brother when James calls him unworthy of his sister's love. Because I was angry. Because CC knows zero things about sibling interaction.)

Lemme know if you like it!

“I know you hate me for how I treated you in school, and rightfully so,” Alastair said. It was a wonder his voice was not shaking. “But however much you hate me, do not take it out on my sister.”

Please, the word hung from the very tip of his tongue, unspoken and desperate. His heart was galloping inside his chest with an almost painful intensity, even more so under Cordelia's watchful gaze. He couldn't break now. Not in front of her. She would ask, and how was he going to explain why he'd distorted into something he didn't recognize himself?

“Alastair," said Herondale in that low, cruel voice that took him back to the Academy, his own past coming back to haunt him, "you made my life a living hell at the Academy. But I’d never take it out on Cordelia. That’s something you would do, not something I would do.”

So he thought Alastair would hit his own sister. Good God. You don't know anything, rich boy, he wanted to snap. You have no idea what you're talking about. 

Perhaps it was his own fault. He’d hurt so many people in his quest to guard his family. His life had turned into one horrific, monotonous nightmare. Protect them. Protect Layla. Let her be happy. Let my mother be happy. Let Father never come back.

The rational part of his brain had taken over the reins. He stood up straighter, schooled his expression into blank, icy indifference, the mask he’d perfected at school. Let Herondale think what he wanted. Alastair had a job to do and he wasn't about to let patronizing sermons get in his way.

“I see how it is. In school I had the power, and here you have the power to lord it over me. What’s your game? What do you want with my sister?”

“Your sister,” James said, speaking with a slow, deliberate coldness. “Your sister is the only thing keeping me from punching you in the face. Your sister loves you, Angel knows why, and you aren’t even the least bit grateful.”

The words were more powerful than any Shadowhunter weapon. They ravaged the remains of his heart over and over again.

He was ten and watching his father trip on the floor of his bedroom as he collected the brandy bottles littered around. Elias had been too drunk to tell who’d been into his room.

He was twelve again and practicing the iratze. It will help Baba, he'd thought then, childish hope still guiding him through the dark descending over the horizon of their lives.

“You have no idea what I’ve done for my sister." His voice came out rough and shaking. Horror of all horrors, Cordelia was still looking at him as though seeing him in a new light. Did she agree with James? She could. She was thriving here. "You have no idea about our family. You don’t know the first thing—”

He was fifteen again and refusing to train with Layla for the hundredth time because his body ached like one giant bruise. It was Pounceby. His jaw and neck tingled with the sting of the phantom bruise. He was watching the hope in his sister's eyes die. I am sorry, he'd wanted to say then. I truly am. But I can't let you see this. Live, Layla.

Something knocked against his shoulder. Hard. Only his training, both physical and mental, kept him from stumbling back in surprise.

It was Cordelia. She’d come to stand in front of him, the way Alastair had done when they were kids whenever their father had been home. Like a shield, he realized in disbelief. He wanted to push her out of the way, but her outstretched arm only resulted in him shifting to the side so he could catch her expression.

Anger.   

He'd seen his sister annoyed. He'd seen his sister frustrated. He'd seen her distressed. He'd seen her scheme and calculate, always finding a way out of anything with her brilliant mind and ambition.

But never before had he seen her like this: dark eyes aflame, hands curled into fists, shoulders bunching up as though she was preparing to land a blow.

Oh. Oh no, no, no, no. A number of curses flashed through his head in all the languages he knew. Farsi. French. English. Urdu. 

He looked down at her, and his expression visibly softened. Alastair tried not to narrow his eyes. 

"James," Cordelia was saying. Her voice sounded normal. "You'd better go."

“Are you sure?” he said in a low voice. “I won’t leave you alone, Cordelia, not unless you wish me to.”

She seemed to rise taller, and in that moment Alastair was reminded why Cortana had chosen her. His sister looked the way their mother was, fire and embers and a gaze so piercing that the other person was left stuttering, though they'd originally come to scrutinize every inch of her. The colour of her eyes, her skin, why she covered her hair with a roosari.

He wished he had their courage. He wished he hadn't withdrawn into the shadows.

Thorns in your way, Esfandiyār, whispered Baba's voice inside his head. Why look back when you can look ahead?

But that would've entailed far worse consequences than a sermon.

Ahead? His thirteen-year-old, iratze-fumbling himself had wanted to snap as he'd stared at the glass sticking out of his foot, blood dripping on the floor. Ahead at your next bottle, Father? 

Cordelia's voice rang out in the hall, sharper than the crack of a whip. "I will say this once and only once, James Herondale. So listen carefully." She took another step closer and Herondale's eyes actually widened. In surprise? Or in whatever the hell had happened between them before coming home? Alastair thought dryly. 

"Do not for one moment think that you are my saviour," Cordelia said through her teeth. The words sent a jolt of surprise through him. "I am thankful for all your help, believe me, but my love for my brother has absolutely nothing to do with this."

A faint smile curled on the edges of Herondale's lips. "You still don't know what he did?"

Cordelia raised her brows, and oh there it was. The sibling resemblance. Clear as day in the anger cloaked behind disdain and a smile. "Why does my love for my family have to come between your feud?" she demanded. "Do I require your blessing to love them? You have notions about my brother that I would have expected from the Pouncebys."

He looked like she’d slapped him awake. "Daisy,  I—"

She took a step back, and the anxiety on his face heightened. Cordelia herself was trembling.

And Alastair? He still couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't move, save to draw breath. The scene unfolding before him seemed like a fever dream. Cordelia didn’t know how he’d tormented Herondale and Fairchild at the Academy. She had no idea of the bomb going off when he’d been mere inches from the building. She didn’t know why everyone hated him so much. He knew, and perhaps he was a greedy monster for making his sister choose between her love and her family.  

She raised a silencing hand when Herondale opened his mouth. "You assume that you know my brother better than I do. You assume that I am still Daisy—the girl with pretty ribbons in her hair, who needs your help to distinguish right from wrong. I will find out what happened at the Academy, but I will not stand idle while you say Alastair doesn’t deserve my love. You don’t get to choose who does or does not deserve me." She smiled, eyes glittering with the storms of the night. "You hurt my family, Mr. Herondale, and you will face my blade.”

Silence descended. Herondale’s eyes narrowed slightly as he glanced between Alastair and Cordelia. A flicker of longing passed across his face as he saw Layla, there and gone. Alastair was gifted with a long, hard, assessing look. 

“You may take your leave now," Cordelia said coldly.

James's expression shuttered. Was Alastair the only one who noticed his sister's wince? Guilt twisted in his gut.

"Very well, Miss Carstairs," Herondale said in a low monotone. "As you wish."

As soon as he was out of sight, Cordelia seemed to shrink, deflate. 

Alastair snapped back to his senses. There were a number of things demanding his attention but he crossed the room to catch his sister by the elbow, older brother once more. His head was still reeling with the impossible absurdity of what had transpired. 

"Layla?" He tested out the name hesitantly. "What? I mean, you shouldn't have—"

"He said you don't deserve my love." She turned to face him, and to his horror, her dark eyes gleamed with tears. Tears on my behalf, he thought dizzily. 

What was this day?

In all the eighteen years of his life, he’d been used to working from the sidelines, slow and quiet. People did not need to see his tears, his frustration at himself. Only the anger and the sneering indifference he put up to keep them away. It had always been that way, ever since he had held Cordelia in his arms as a confused two-year-old. 

She is so small, mâmân!

I know, joon. Will you promise to help her?

“Why, Layla?” he snapped, and she flinched. He wanted to hit himself all over again. “Why did you do that? Herondale is not wrong. I have hurt people. I have done horrible, despicable things. You’re going to lose out on potential allies because of me, do you realize that? How will you save Father then? I thought--” He broke off, not wanting to say the dreaded word.

She lifted her chin and glared. “You thought what, dâdâsh?”

It was jarring to have heard her defend him, even more jarring than hearing the language of his home, the language he’d spent years shoving down because it tended to attract the wrong sort of attention. It was jarring that she’d even noticed his trembling hands or the tears that were clawing at his throat, begging to be let out. It had been years since he’d truly cried but London seemed hell bent on breaking him. He'd never really thought how much he'd needed Cordelia by his side. How many years had passed with just pushing and pushing and pushing people away until time sped by and they simply grew out of their love for you.

His sister was no longer a baby. She was nearly as tall as him, looking him in the eye, silent and waiting. 

"I thought you-you... loved him."

She closed her eyes. "I do. I think so. It doesn't mean I stand by idly while he goes on insulting my brother. It certainly does not mean that I hold back on my own feelings." Her eyes opened. A wry smile played on her lips. “You keep forgetting that only I am allowed to insult you, Alastair.”

Hoarse laughter escaped him, and Cordelia looked delighted to have been the cause. 

Taglist: @youngreckless @eugeniaslongsword (look, your annoyance inspired me lol), @cant-think-of-anything @reesecarstairs @cherilyn-rose @carstairs-hopelessly

[asterekmess]

Did you ever watch Buffy? The first episode where Anya was introduced was titled "The Wish" and all I can think about is if Scott McCall had ever run into a pure Sidhe where they offered him a wish. Instead of, "I wish Buffy had never come to Sunnydale." It would be more, "I wish I was never bitten to become a werewolf." But just like all feaye tricks, the outcome is more, his Dad ended up with primary custody rather than his Mom and he was forced to leave BH. And then Stiles ended up more friends with Heather and others. And while Scott's life is worse, when he tracks down the others he finds all of theirs are greatly improved.

I think about it a lot and how Scott never really dealt with the consequences of any of his actions, everyone else did, and how an episode or mini-arc could have fixed a flaw in the show's design. I mean, we were already dealing with a lot of Celtic lore, why not someone from the Sidhe courts?

I have no idea why this took me so long to answer, so apologies for that. <3 I did watch buffy! I've seen all of it, and all of Angel as well. XD

I remember 'The Wish' episode, and whoooo boy it gave me chills. I loved how big the butterfly effect was, how something that seemed so small, something that Genuinely seemed to be the cause of a lot of problems in Sunnydale, ended up being so important to how things had progressed. Because, yeah, you would think Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a Good Thing, right? Sunnydale didn't have all of these insane issues before she arrived. It was quiet, and nothing big or scary ever happened. Her arrival matches perfectly with when everything started going absolutely nuts, so whatever selfish ideas Cordelia had, her thought that Buffy not coming to Sunnydale would be a good thing, makes sense. Except that, as she finds out, she's entirely wrong. Buffy's arrival was a lucky coincidence, or fate, whatever your taste leans toward. She showed up right as things started going nuts, and she kept it from going SO MUCH MORE NUTS.

Now, moving on to TW, it is a fascinating mix of being the Exact same situation, and the exact Opposite. I'll add a Read More, cus' holy god is this a lot of Rambling.

Because Scott wishing not to have been bitten...yeah, the bite Did improve things. But it improved things for him. He would absolutely regret making the wish, just like Cordelia did, because he would realize how many good things the bite had brought with it. BUT, conversely, he would have to realize how many good things the bite had brought for him, not for other people, and how their lives either wouldn't have been affect, or might've even Improved without him being bitten. Without the bite, Scott wouldn't have gotten on first line, period. His health issues made very clear in the five minutes he had them that any kind of stamina based sport was just out of the question for him. If he is unable to walk through the woods at a moderate pace without needing to grab his inhaler and stop against a tree, he just plain cannot play lacrosse for two or three hours of running at high speeds and working a bunch of muscles in his upper body. He likely wouldn't have gone out with Allison, because he would have no convenient way to get her attention. Furthermore, he wouldn't have the extra senses that both impressed her on the lacrosse field, and told him about her 'family dinner' the night of Lydia's party. (I've discussed this before, but... While it's true, Allison would have still brought him the dog; that dog would likely have attacked him, and his chances with her would have been shot in the foot when they both got in massive trouble and he likely had to go to the ER for stitches or something. Without Allison or first line, he wouldn't have started hanging out with the 'cool kids,' and quite frankly, wouldn't have had anyone to help him study for the classes he was struggling with. It's true that he also wouldn't have had werewolf things to worry about, or even a girlfriend to distract him from homework, so maybe that wouldn't have been such a huge issue, but still.

If we look at other people's lives and how They would have been affected by Scott not getting the bite...well, let's talk about that.

Stiles didn't get on first line because of Scott, or because of a werewolf bite. Or even because of the werewolf bullshittery occurring in town. He was put on first line because of his abilities, and even after being taken OFF first line for missing the game, he was put Right onto the field in the next game, chosen OVER other players who were perfectly viable options. Which means, he still would've ended up on first line. Allison wasn't interested in dating before she met Scott, and part of her draw to him was based on how 'different' he was. He knew things she didn't know how he could know, he had a weird ability to calm a furious, injured dog, and he had charisma that was ALSO gained from the bite, since being on first line made Scott Much more self-confident. If she didn't end up dating him, it's likely she wouldn't have dated at all. Which would mean no hiding from her parents, no strange conflicts of interest, AND, interestingly enough --depending on her involvement in the murders, etc that would still be occurring in town--no night in the school that would scare her bad enough to ask Kate for extra help and tip her headfirst into hunter training. AND, even if she DID still end up getting those lessons from Kate? There would be no bitterness to fuel her behavior at the end of season 1.

Allison was Traumatized after Kate showed her Derek on the grate. She was horrified, and didn't know what to do about it, and while we can ramble all we want about the morality of her not confronting her family (whom she's just discovered is willing to electrocute people) about it, the fact is that she pushed the thoughts aside to stop freaking out and went to that dance. Where she found out Scott was a werewolf, and was So fucking Betrayed that she was willing to help Kate catch him and Derek. No Scott, no betrayal, no willingness to help Kate recapture the miserable man who'd been chained up in a basement.

If we go back to that specific night, and try to unfold the events from there if Scott hadn't been bitten, things get a little complicated, but I'll take a few artistic liberties. Scott isn't bitten. Presumably, he just happens to get out of the woods in time, or he gets caught with Stiles by the sheriff, or doesn't go to the woods in the first place. These all change the possible outcomes of that night. If he hadn't gone in the first place, and Stiles went alone, would he have been bitten instead? Would Scott have been dragged into all of this anyway, but without the protection and boost of being a werewolf and cured of his asthma? If he weren't the one bitten, and he saw everything Stiles gained from it, would he still have such a hatred for the bite? Or would he want it, like Erica did, to cure him and make him powerful and cool? But, let's assume Stiles doesn't get bitten either. The second half of Laura's body still hasn't been found, and Stiles has no reason to fear running back into the preserve the next day, and no real punishment from his father as far as we can tell. So, does he go back to look again? If he did, he would run into Derek, because Derek would still be there after retrieving Laura's body himself. He would see Derek and still recognize him, and from there, things might spiral, still involving Stiles in the supernatural, and it's likely Stiles would try to involve Scott, and Again we get hit with "Would Scott want the bite, if he hadn't gotten forcibly bitten in the first place?" The answer is probably yes. He wanted to be cool, and popular, and on the lacrosse team. He wanted everything being a werewolf gave him. BUT if we're looking at this wish as similar to "The Wish," then no matter what, Scott won't be bitten. He'll be transported to a new world where it just never happened, and he'll be human, and forced to watch everyone around him be just plain different. Scott not being bitten would isolate him from Stiles, if Stiles got involved in the spn anyway. We SAW how Stiles cut off his other friends once the spn starting getting in the way. He and Harley? We have no clue how close they were. They were close enough for her to tease him about his crush on Lydia, for her to wander up comfortably to the locker and talk to them. And he cut her off as soon as the werewolf stuff hit. What if he cut Scott off? To protect him, if nothing else, like he did his own father. Once he realized the danger involved, I doubt he would be willing to put Scott in harm's way.

So, Scott would not only lose first line, lose his girlfriend, lose his popularity, lose his health and strength and heightened abilities, lose his 'importance' to the goings-on of Beacon Hills, but he would also lose Stiles, who seems to have been his only friend, unless he also had a relationship with Harley.

Okay, I've rambled enough about the what if's, so let's talk about the Reason why this wish would go so badly for Scott, in such a different way than it went for Cordelia. Cordelia, first off, wished that someone Else would not have/do something, rather than wishing for herself not to have done something. She watches how fucked up the world gets, and how much worse her life is without Buffy around to save the day. Scott wished for Himself not to have done something (even something passive, like 'get bitten') and would have to watch how fucked up his world gets, and how far behind he would fall. The other's lives might not necessarily get better, because Peter is still on the loose, and the hunters are still there, etc etc, but they would still Progress, while Scott would stay stagnant.

And WHY is that? Because Scott isn't important to the story. It DOESN'T start with him. That's the Whole Point of his character. He is supposed to be the 'everyman' who gets dragged into crazy shit and becomes integral to things that he wasn't ever meant to be a part of. The guy who wanders into becoming King or 'The Hero' that will save the world, even though he's just a small lad from a tiny town, whose highest prospects were "get on first line."

He was NEVER supposed to be Buffy, or if he was, it was done Very Badly.

But Beacon Hills WASN'T a quiet town before Scott was bitten; however much he might've said 'nothing ever happens in this town.' It was FULL of bullshittery and magic from the very beginning. There was the fire, and Paige, and the blinding of Deucalion, and the death of Alexander Argent, and the Nogitsune in the internment camp nearby. All of these things were around So much longer than Scott's bite, and they'd been affecting the world that whole time too. Because yes, in Buffy, the master was There before she was, but he was literally rendered inert by the situations he was in. And the things he'd done happened Centuries before, not six years. There is a difference. Sunnydale was Not Known for the insane number of weird deaths. Beacon Hills was. And aside from the Nogitsune, every single fucking thing that happened in Beacon Hills, was attuned to the Hale family in one way or another. Deucalion's blinding occurred during a meeting on Hale land, because Talia was known as a wise leader, etc, in the area and other wolves flocked to her. Deucalion biting Argent seems unrelated (if you even believe Deucalion did that, despite being a fucking pacifist before Gerard blinded him), but again, it occurs just a couple hours away from Beacon Hills, which is Hale Territory. The one who plays the Buffy role here? Who shows up at just the right time, and launches themself against an endless wave of evil, with slightly enhanced senses and a thorough need to do good and not back away from things that 'aren't they're problem'? The actual hero who is somehow tied to everything going on in ways even they don't understand? Was Derek. The guy who entirely unwittingly allowed Julia Baccari to survive, because he was trying to be merciful to his first love. Who entirely unwittingly was manipulated into giving up information that let a hunter kill his family. Who followed his sister back to town after six years of just trying to survive in New York, fell into a fucking tragedy, and decided to stop the bad guys anyway, even though he knew he didn't stand a fucking chance.

And as annoyed as some might get. The 'everyman' who stumbles onto the set and accidentally becomes integral to the saving of the world? The one whose ambitions are small and who expectations are smaller? Who is misunderstood, and has abilities that aren't recognized or appreciated, that doesn't really fit in, but tries their best anyway? The literal Angel to Derek's Buffy?

Is fucking Stiles. The son of the sheriff who just could not let it go when he discovered there was something funky going on. Who hung around on the edges, even though he wasn't really wanted, because he needed to help. Who ended up saving Derek's life over and over, and becoming so important as to be Derek's anchor? Who literally WENT DARKSIDE and HAD TO BE NEARLY KILLED, even though Derek didn't to kill him???

I know how it sounds, but JD SAID he took inspiration from Buffy. The issue is that his parallels are between DEREK AND STILES, and BUFFY AND ANGEL. Respectively.

Derek might act like the broody bad boy, but it is STILES' mentality that matches Angel's behavior, and it's Derek who matches Buffy.

I'm so fucking off track. Scott would be miserable if he ever managed to get a wish and used it to keep from having been bitten. And it would be sad. I would feel bad for him, had I watched something like that happen. Seeing him realize that most of the good things he had, he only got because of the bite. That Stiles would still be on first line, that Lydia and Jackson would still be the popular kids. That Allison wouldn't know he existed, or if she did would avoid him entirely. That Jackson would never have been turned into the kanima in the first place. That everyone else would move on and up in life, and he would still be standing at the bottom step. Because it wasn't his actual limitations that were holding him back, it was his refusal to accept them, to work with them, and to just plain stop Envying Everyone Around him, and start living his own fucking life instead of trying to steal other people's.

Scott wishes he were Cordelia, and I promise that would backfire too.

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

romeo must die

this one-shot is based on the song Romeo Must Die by Gabrielle Aplin, I highly recommend listening to it! shout out to @eugeniaslongsword for introducing me to it :) i even borrowed some lyrics from it haha. it is also inspired by the entire playlist I made, "being treated badly by someone doesn't make you love them more"

content warnings: past toxic/unhealthy relationship, the uncomfy 6-year age gap between Alastair and Charles

Masterlist | Read on AO3

"Alastair, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

Alastair looked up from what he was working on. He was in the library of the Institute, along with Cordelia, Thomas, James, Matthew, and Christopher. They were searching for any clue as to how Lucie had done what she’d done or what Tatiana and Belial were planning. Alastair wasn't entirely sure how he got roped into the ordeal, but it seemed as though Thomas suggested him as an extra set of eyes, and Cordelia latched onto the idea.

"No," he said curtly, returning to his reading.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no. I'm quite busy at the moment." Alastair spoke under his breath, not wanting to draw the others' attention. How many times had Charles barked the same words at him, swatting him away, hacking away at paperwork or planning his next step in his career? The words sat bittersweet in his chest.

"Surely you could spare a few moments."

"I certainly could. But I do not wish to." Charles had a way of getting into his head and twisting his words and his feelings. It was not an experience he wished to revisit. It was better here, with an audience. It had also been easier in the infirmary, knowing that he held all of the power. His father had made him feel the same way, he thought bitterly. He understood now that what he'd done at school was not only to protect himself from the bullies. He wanted to reclaim the power stolen from him by his father; he wanted for once in his life to hold power himself. He hadn't yet come to the realization that holding that kind of power did nothing but harm. It was of no use, anyways, because it didn't matter how much he perfected his tongue and his wit on the other students at the Academy, he was never able to use it when it counted. Not with Elias, and not with Charles.

"It's fine if you need to take a few minutes, Alastair,” Cordelia said gently. All of the eyes in the room had come to rest on the two of them. Now he wished he’d spoken louder.

“It’s alright, Charles was just leaving.”

He had hoped that Charles would give up and leave knowing that everyone was watching him, but he was determined. He grabbed Alastair’s arm. “It’ll just be-”

Alastair stood, but pulled his arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

In a flicker, Alastair saw it: the anxiety began to set in. Charles began to realize that he would not be able to play his usual tricks. “Why are you acting like this?”

“I believe I was quite clear when I told you I don’t wish to speak with you. You’re the one who can’t let this go.”

“Must you act so childish?”

He rolled his eyes. “Must you always call me childish for thinking for myself instead of catering to your every whim?”

“I don’t understand. You said we were fine.”

Alastair sighed. Perhaps for a moment, he thought that was true. For just a second, he thought there was a world where he and Charles could be friends. But Alastair had decided that he would no longer call people who hurt him his friends. “Yes, well, I lied. I wanted to let you down gently, but it’s clear to me now that it must be spelled out for you. How shall I put this? You and I are past our dancing days, Charles.”

“But-” He stammered, searching for words. “What happened with Grace Blackthorn wasn’t my fault.”

“Maybe not. But what of Miss Bridgestock? Am I to pretend that what happened with Miss Blackthorn was not the same as what happened two years earlier?”

“You told me many times that you took no issue with that, that you understood.”

“I understood what you told me, which we both know was never the full truth. I was a sixteen year old desperate for your affections, and the fact that you truly believe I never had any issue with your arrangement is proof that you never genuinely cared about me or listened to my thoughts. I told you in the infirmary that this wasn’t your fault because I thought it’d ease the pain, but I lied. And I don’t have time to sit here and watch you cry over it.”

Alastair wished that watching Charles become flustered would have been more enjoyable. Instead, all he wanted was for this to end. “You- you’re different than when we met. You’ve changed. You’re cruel and callous, I don’t understand how I could not see how heartless you were until now. You are everything that everyone claims you to be. How am I to even know what the truth is when it comes from your lips?”

There was a time when those words would have cut deeply into him, eating at his every insecurity, but Charles mistakenly assumed that Alastair was the same person he was last July, with the same insecurities. “When we met, I was fourteen years old. I’ve grown up, and it is time for you to do the same. It’s been six months, Charles. You need to stop writing me. If that makes me heartless, I don’t care. And if you wish to know the truth, the truth is that the moment you leave here, if I never see your face again, it still will not be long enough.”

Charles stared at him for a long while, unable to find a proper retort. In the end, it was Matthew who stepped in. “Charles, I believe it’s time for you to go.”

He obliged, finally turning to leave the library. As he began to walk away, however, Alastair knew that he was not finished. His heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of such a confession, and faster again when he realized who would hear it, but there was no piece of parting with Charles that he wished to regret.

“Wait,” he said. Charles froze and turned to look at him. “I know it’s unlikely that you have it in the cold depths of your soul to care, but let the record show that I would have given you everything. I would have given you my life, all of the love and trust that I had to give, and then I would have given more. And you gave me nothing. So the next time you’re pondering my heartlessness, you ought to wonder what that means for you.”

Finally satisfied, Alastair did not wait for Charles to turn and leave again to return to his seat and pick his reading back up. He waited for a moment, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him. He stood once more, opening his mouth to speak, but the words were caught in his throat. Instead, he walked out of the library in silence.

Finding the nearest balcony, he attempted to steady his breath.

“Are you alright?” He heard from behind him. Thomas. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He shook his head. “I just needed some air.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Alastair sighed. He backed up against the window and slid down to the floor of the balcony. “I know- I know that everyone sort of knew already, but… by the Angel, I feel so pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Thomas told him, sitting down beside him.

“You were right, of course you were. I was so… taken with him, back in Paris. I couldn’t see him for what he was. I was so naive, so foolish. I just- After everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve been through, how did I not realize-”

Thomas put his hand on Alastair’s knee. “You wanted to see the best in him. After everything you’d seen and been through, you wanted to believe that there were still good and honest people in the world. And there are. I’m sorry that he was not one of them, but that does not make you foolish or pathetic. It makes you… kind.”

“I bet you’d never imagined describing me as such before.”

“It seems you’re full of surprises,” Thomas teased. “But that’s not true. I always saw the kindness in you, even back at school, when you did everything to keep it hidden.”

“As you can see, my ‘kindness’ has never gotten me very far.”

“You were out of practice. Following me on my reckless nighttime patrols, that was kind. More than kind. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that, for risking your life to protect mine.”

“I didn’t do it for gratitude.”

“And yet I owe you mine nonetheless.”

“I can’t go back in there, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can tolerate you and your friends hating me just fine. But if any of your friends give me even an ounce of pity- well, we’ll see just where the limits of my kindness lie, won’t we?”

Thomas stood up, offering Alastair his hand. “Pity comes from those who cannot even begin to understand what you’ve experienced. For what it’s worth, I don’t think my friends will pity you. But if they do, you can ignore them. For Lucie.”

Alastair sighed and allowed Thomas to pull him to his feet. “Fine. Let’s get back to reading.”

“Speaking of reading, do you have the entirety of Shakespeare’s canon memorized, or only the lines you believe may pop up in conversation?”

“Excuse me?”

“‘For you and I are past our dancing days,’ it’s Romeo and Juliet, isn’t it? It’s the only one of his works that I got through.”

Alastair froze. “You haven’t read Hamlet?”

“I tried.”

“Othello? King Lear? Macbeth? Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

He shook his head.

“That’s impossible. And James is friends with you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Wait until my sister finds out you haven’t read Hamlet,” he warned, starting towards the library with urgency in his step.

“Wait, don’t- I just don’t like Shakespeare! What’s so wrong with that?” Thomas’ attempts at reasoning were futile, however, a welcome distraction from all of their recent sorrows finally taking hold.

Thanks for reading!! This was self indulgent af lol. I'm not to sure whether some people only wanted to be tagged in my social media AU, so if that's the case I'm sorry & please tell me!: @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @thecodexsays @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @icouldnotask @shadowhunting-hooligans @melanielocke @clarys-heosphoros @kiwichaeng @lightwoodsimp @thecrimsonsorceresss @theenchanteddreamer @adams-left-hand @yozinha-z @ipromiseiwillwrite @skirtsandsweaters @goodoldfashionednerd

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter twelve

Chapter Twelve

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: spencers mom has a bad day at the doctor's and so spencer thinks he's going to have a bad day too but he ends up having the best day of his entire life.

talk of pregnancy, celebratory sex, oral (female receiving), grinding, no penetration, serious deep talks after sex about their most depressive episodes, sharing trauma and making sure they know the other is loved regardless of what goes on in their mind. it's a rough one so read with caution

word count: 4.5K

from the beginning <3

He was up before Amoreena, awaking for the second time that morning to the sound of his alarm, kissing Y/N on the forehead before leaving their bed, she simply laid there and watched him get ready.

Most of his clothes were here now, every time he was near his apartment he brought more and more things home with him. Because that wasn’t his home, it hadn’t been for a long time, even when he lived there it was just a trove of books and a bed he slept on occasionally.

They were probably going to move all his stuff over in the summer, after the second wedding… after the girls meet Taylor, and hopefully when Y/N’s actually pregnant and not too sick or tired to help.

“Come here,” she whispers before he can slip out of the room, “kiss your wife.”

He can’t help but smile as he bounds towards the bed, jumping in and wrapping her up in his arms. He smothers her face in kisses, making her laugh, still half asleep as she let him manhandle her.

“I love you,” he reminded her.

“We love you too,” she replied with a smile, answering for Amoreena even though she was still asleep down the hall, “don’t wake her up yet, she needs all her rest for today.”

“I’ll be quiet,” he responds with a smile, kissing her again before he finally gets out of the bed, if not he would have stayed there forever.

He tiptoes down the hall and into Amoreena’s room, kissing her sweet little forehead lightly before exiting just as quietly. It was like he was never there.

He snuck down the stairs quietly, locked the door behind himself on the way out, and took off down the driveway in his old blue Volvo amazon, paying extra attention to the path for any kitties or Rufus out on their morning strolls.

It didn’t take long for a happy day to go sour when he was in a doctor's office with his mom. Those were the worst places he could go with her, especially on a bad day. Her mind was playing tricks on her, she really didn’t like hospitals or government buildings, even lawyers' offices stressed her out.

Today she was convinced he wasn’t really her son, Spencer, and that he was actually leading her to be a government experiment. It was hard to see her struggle, especially on a day they needed to ask her serious questions while she sat still. It was the fact she had to stay awake for 24 hours that triggered the episode, the EEG requiring her mind to be deprived of sleep. It was rough, she barely knew him. They wouldn’t have the test results for a while but he already knew it wasn’t good.

He dropped her back off at the home as quickly as he could, not able to deal with the verbal abuse any longer, he didn’t even say goodbye. The woman he dropped off was his mother on the outside but not on the inside today. It was really hard to look at her and know her, but not see that same look in her eyes.

By the time he’s returning to the farm, it’s 11:45 and he’s exhausted.

He finds Y/N in the bedroom, lying in bed in just a t-shirt and her underwear, completely sound asleep with the blankets thrown off the bed. She looks so beautiful, he slips out of his clothes to match her, sliding into bed beside her and just looking at her perfect face.

He presses a kiss to her shoulder that startles her awake, “oh god, Spencer!” she places her hand on her heart as she calms down.

“Sorry,” he smiles, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in closer.

“How’s your mom?” Her tired words meet his ears and his smile dies.

“Not great, really don’t want to talk about it yet,” he was honest with her, snuggling in closer as she hummed in agreement to drop it. “How was Amoreena’s morning?”

“I told Amoreena I wouldn’t tell you, but I don’t need to you to freak out in front of all the kids or cry or pass out in front of all them, but there’s a positive pregnancy test on her all about me project,” she explains it like she’s about to say it’s just Amoreena’s from 8 years ago…

He pulls back slowly, looking into her eyes as she smiles wider and wider, “you’re pregnant?”

She nods her head as her smile gets bigger and toothier, she’s wrapping her arms around him so tight it’s like he can’t breathe for multiple reasons.

“We did it, Spencer, I made you a daddy again,” the words carry from her mouth in a beautiful tune.

He’s holding her back so gently, afraid to squeeze too hard and hurt her and the tiny little life that’s starting inside her. He’s silent, overjoyed but absolutely dumbstruck at the fact it’s real. A month ago he thought about walking into traffic after work and just seeing what happened, now he was a father of 2 with a wife and a happy farm and a life that was good.

A life he deserved.

All thanks to a beautiful little girl with an interest in dinosaurs and making new friends. Amoreena was an angel sent from heaven, improving both of their lives greatly, and now they were making another.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, oh my god yes, I’m just,” he didn’t know what words to say and it was evident. “Amoreena knows?”

She nodded softly, “she now knows girl parts make eggs, boy parts make sperm, and that adults have sex but you can only make a baby at 25, she really didn’t seem to be all that interested in the science, but she’s excited to be a big sister.”

“Wow,” it all caught up to him then, he placed his hand on her stomach softly, “hi little one.”

Y/N laid back against the bed, pulling her shirt up so he could see the barely-there bump, “It’s mostly leftover’s from Amoreena, but yeah, there’s another one in there.”

He couldn’t help himself from running his hands over the curve of her stomach, thinking about Amoreena being in there once upon a time and how tiny she must have been. It was even weirder to think that a part of her was once even in him.

“It’s strange to think that I jerked off into a cup and you made the most perfect kid on earth with it… it just feels like it doesn’t add up. She’s so perfect I can’t believe she was once a part of us both,” he can’t help but let his inner monologue seep out, she didn’t mind it, she loved hearing how his mind worked.

“I can’t wait to see you holding this little one,” her hands joined his on her stomach, the shape of her forefingers and thumbs making a heart over her bare belly.

Spencer leaned in and kissed right in the middle, beside her belly button, in love with whoever was in there already.

“Amoreena had a dream last night too,” Y/N cuts into his little moment, “guess how many sisters she said she had.”

“8?” Spencer can’t help but smile.

She nods, “I don’t know what it is about this house but the good dreams always come true, who knows how many babies are in there right now.”

“I hope just one for now,” he says in all honesty, “I really want time with just one little one, you and Amoreena. A family of four for a bit and then the twins, that’s how it was in the dream.”

“Did they have names?”

“You called them Elly, Junie, tho and Cordelia, and you said there were 3 sets of twins, two after Cordelia,” he remembers it all as if he was really there, whispering all the words against her stomach, his cheek resting on the band of her underwear as he laid between her legs with his arms around her.

“Amoreena, Elizabeth, Juniper, Theodora, and Cordelia were all the options I was choosing from last time,” she says with the widest smile, “how the heck did your mind know that?”

“It felt very real, which is why I was so worried about where I was, I don’t know how I could have missed anything but now I know that part was just my anxiety,” Spencer rationalized it. “Amoreena probably had the better version of that future in her dream last night.”

“I was having a great dream before you came back,” she teases him, running her fingers through his hair as he continues to kiss her stomach.

He loops his fingers around the band of her underwear, sliding it down just low enough to really kiss where that baby of his is hiding out. She lifts her hips into the contact, letting him slip them down her legs and completely off, she spreads her legs even more.

He takes his time pressing a kiss to every single inch of her, her skin is soft, her leg hair is prickly on his hands and his cheeks but it’s nice, he rubs his face against her like a cat marking his territory as she continued to scratch his scalp.

He spread her open with two fingers, he presses a soft kiss to her clitoris and all the way down to her opening before licking a wet stripe up the sensitive skin. The moan she releases is the loudest one he’s heard on her yet, it was really the first time he’s been allowed to really enjoy her.

“It’s important for your partner to help with the stretching in the third trimester,” she teases him, “but they don’t mention anything about starting too early being a bad thing.”

“I don’t want to disrupt anything in there,” he worries aloud, letting her decide if it’s okay.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she laughed, “I don’t think you’d reach them, but if you’re really worried there are other ways to help.”

“Such as,” he asks, lowering his face back down to her wet heat, continuing to explore her with his tongue as he expects her to talk.

“You, um you can, shit, wow,” she props herself up on her elbows to get a better look at what he’s doing as she stalls for a few minutes, “just rub yourself over me, Spencer please, I want more of you.”

She grips him by his cheeks and pulls him up into a kiss, both of them rushing to push his boxers down and off his legs, she spreads her own once more so he can press against her.

His hard cock resting flat against her, rubbing back and forth as he spreads her wetness around with him. The head gliding over her clit just the right way as she held him close to her body, kissing down his neck and sucking marks all over his chest.

She was desperate for him and who was he to deprive her, so he rocked into her more, grinding down harder against her body and making her shaking lightly. It felt better, more intimate, more euphoric than any other sex he’s had, just being close to her had him on the edge faster than he expected to get there.

She’s chanting his name then, head tossed back against the pillow as she digs her fingers into his asscheeks, holding him so close to him he can feel her orgasm rush through her. She stills, bucking up into him one last time as he finishes all across her stomach.

His hands are curled around her cheeks then, holding her perfect face in his hands as he hovers over her, using everything in his power to not crush her or the baby. He’s trying so hard to steady his breathing, so is she, they just smile at each other, laughing lightly at how in love they are.

“I love you,” he says on impulse, “you’re so good to me.”

“Look at all the good you’ve given me,” she whispers, “it would be wrong for me not to love you for everything you’ve done for me, whether you were aware of it or not.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to tell you about my depression while your cum dries between us like glue,” she laughed at how crude it sounded.

He laughs lightly too, rolling off her to see just how much of a mess they made. “Tell me in the shower?”

“Seems appropriate,” she agreed, taking his hand and following him into the bathroom.

He loved the old feel of her bathroom, the green linoleum and floral wallpaper, the pink towels and bright orange shower curtain, it was happy and bright and the perfect place to laugh for half an hour as they washed each other.

She has him pressed against the shower wall then, water trickling over them gently as she stares into his eyes, “I don’t know how to say it without it coming out really scary,” she finally resumes the conversation they were about to have in the bedroom.

“I’ve probably been in the same mental state, I’m not going to judge your method of choice,” he explains it in a way that she’ll know he really, really gets it.

“I had a few suicidal thoughts when my grandma went to chemo before I chose your sample and before I did all the hormones, I was thinking why should I stay and bring another life into my misery when I could just die first and not have to see her go through that anymore,” she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she stops, letting him digest all the words.

“Did you try anything?” He’s not sure why he’s asking.

She shakes her head, the best no he’s ever seen in his life. “My grandma noticed on my birthday when I wasn't coming down for breakfast like normal, I was really depressed and so we went out and talked and had lunch together for the first time in forever cause she wasn't feeling sick, I’ll never forget it. It was the best and worst birthday of my life.”

“I’m the worst husband ever,” he says, taking her by surprise, “I don’t even know your birthday.”

It makes her laugh, taking her out of the sadness as she realizes he really doesn’t judge her, he gets it completely. “January 16th, 1986, three minutes after Evan,” she manages to say it with a smile.

“That’s the date Maeve died,” both of them stare at each other in shock, wondering just how many other coincidences they had out there to figure out.

“How many days after did you donate?”

“On the 19th,” he confirmed without taking a breath, “holy shit.”

“We both were suicidal on the same day,” she covers her mouth with a wet slap, laughing at the worst thing she’s ever said, it’s the shock and the emotions of everything catching up to her right then and there.

“Oh my god,” he laughs in response, both of them laughing as they hugged in the corner of her green shower. “we are fucked up.”

“Soulmate things,” she shrugged, holding him even tighter.

He wished she could see his face then, the looking that overcame him as he heard the word soulmates. She just called him her soulmate. He licks his lips, taking it all in and almost hyperventilating, she can feel the way his breathing changes as she looks up with concern.

“What?”

He shakes the thoughts out, swallowing sharply as he makes eye contact with her, “nothing.”

“No, I know that look Spencer, what did your brain say to you this time? I will go in there and kick its ass,” she pokes his forehead then, threatening his anxiety to fuck off.

“I never thought I’d get to hear someone say that to me, it’s stupid,” he felt too vulnerable suddenly, sky and closed off.

“Who hurt you?” She asks in complete curiosity, wanting to know why he can’t imagine someone loving him.

“My parents,” it slips out before he can catch it, “I love my mom. I always have to preface that, she did what she could but it was nowhere near enough. I don’t hold anything against her, I just hate that that’s how it was, that she had bad days at all because they always shine brighter in my memory than the good days.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you,” she worries this time, seeing the hurt on his face and feeling like she fucked up, he can read her micro-expressions easier than anyone else.

“I would have told you soon enough, my dad left because of my mom's illness and he made sure I knew he didn’t want me. I don’t care that he kept up with me on the internet, the fact he didn’t even care to let me know he lived 10 miles from me my whole life makes me feel sick. I was 14 point 6 miles away from Amoreena this whole time and I would give all my fucking organs to go back in time and be with her from day 1, I don’t get how he could just not love me?” The rant comes out of his mouth for the first time ever, the same thoughts that have been there building for 40 years bursting at the seam.

She reaches behind them to turn off the water then, stepping away from him while he cools down a bit, “Yeah, no I get it, I hate him too now. That's so fucked up, honey, I'm so sorry.”

It makes him huff out a laugh, “I’m sorry, you’re not my therapist you don’t have to deal with all that.”

“I’m your wife, I deal with that regardless. In sickness and in health remember?” She reminds him, “depression is just as real of an illness as cancer. I don’t want you to keep these thoughts from me. I want to know about every paper cut, every splinter, every bad thought that crosses that beautiful mind because I love you.”

“As long as you always remember that too,” he makes sure that she knows he feels the same. “Don’t keep anything from me thinking it’ll ruin the happy atmosphere of this kingdom, Amoreena would tell you that a castle is only as strong as its weakest brick. If you crack we all tumble.”

“My foundations are strong, if not Derek’s a renovator right?” She raised her eyebrows, making another joke. They were always going to be okay.

“Speaking of, how are we going to house all 12 of these children you plan on having?”

"We, smartie pants, we are having," she tosses the shower curtain out of the way then, stepping out and wrapping herself in a towel, “I was thinking we add a few more rooms, nanny and pop were always adding on to this place, it would be nice to fix it up a bit.”

“I can see if Derek wants to help, or we can find a contractor?”

“Well, Alli still has another 8 weeks till her baby comes, so you might as well do something with Derek here in that time,” she agrees with a smile, “my nanny left everything to me, so I have a decent amount saved still for whatever you guys think the house can handle, I just want it done safely, and it has to match.”

She was bossy, he loved every second of it. “Yes ma’am,” he smiles as he steps out, drying off beside her.

Y/N couldn’t stop smiling at him as she watched him fluff his curly wet hair in the mirror, “how would you like to go out and get our first kid a big sister present before the graduation?”

“We never had a chance to read on Saturday, would you want to get her a big sister book and read at the tree?” Spencer suggests, making eye contact with her reflection in the mirror, even backwards she’s beautiful.

She nods with a smile, “sounds great, daddy.”

He wraps his arms around her before she can leave the room, kissing her neck and shoulder as she squirms, trying to get away from him but failing on purpose. “Spencer, seriously we have to go.”

“Then don’t call me daddy,” he whispers in her ear, and he can physically feel the way it excites her.

“We will revisit this later,” she says with a stern look as she pulls away finally, dropping the towel on purpose as she walks towards her new closet.

She was going to be the death of him, and hopefully, that wasn’t for a long time. Hopefully, he thought right then and there, that the moment he finally does die, he dies is beside her. Happily in his sleep, as they’re in their 90’s, and in a perfect world she’d slip away with him.

“Can I ask a dumb question?” He rushes the words out, taking her up on that offer of hearing all the bad thoughts.

“Always,” she smiles.

“When we get to heaven, stay with me? Pick me instead of Stephen for the forever part?” He’s not sure why he’s crying, or why he’s thinking about it. But it’s where his mind went and she said she’d always follow.

She tilts her head to the side, dropping her shoulders as she sighs, “we can set Stephen and Maeve up with each other.”

It makes him smile, she always knew what to say. “Who knows, they could be the reason all this happened.”

She nods then, “I like the thought of that, they deserve to be happy together, I’m sure they would like each other.”

He really believed they were soulmates then, that something bigger set up all these dominoes and he was so excited to watch them fall. To see where they landed, the beautiful pattern that they would reveal. The wonderful world he was creating with her was always going to be amazing because something greater than them said so.

—

She looked more beautiful than he’s ever seen her as they rolled up to the school. She was physically glowing, her hair was perfect, her dress laid over her stomach in the right way that he could see proof she was with child, even if she called it leftovers from the last one. It was his favourite part of her, it was where she made the best person they knew.

They walked around to the back gate, hand in hand, smiling wide as they walked into the little classroom. There were balloons and streamers everywhere, they had little cupcakes all set up and all of them were in matching blue caps and gowns.

Amoreena waved at them when she saw them, not allowed to leave her seat from where they were practicing their ceremony. It was unbelievably adorable, Spencer couldn’t help but be that Dad who took a million photos on his cellphone. He was never going to miss another moment.

JJ wrapped her arm around him sneakily, startling him as she hugged him, “hello Spencer Reid, father and husband,” she teased him. “Still weird thinking of you as a dad.”

He wanted to tell her, but she’d know soon anyway once she saw the all about me project, “shit,” Y/N says from behind him as she realizes too. “Tell her.”

“We’re having another one,” Spencer whispers in JJ’s ear before she can even react.

She smacks his side as she pulls back, staring at him with her mouth wide open. The same face Henry made when he saw Y/N for the first time, completely shocked and nervous, “oh my god?”

He nodded, “we’re not telling anyone, I was supposed to find out on her all about me project but she didn’t want me to pass out in front of all the kids.”

It made JJ laugh, shrugging as she agreed with the idea, she pulled away from him and wrapped Y/N up in her arms, hugging her ever so softly. Y/N closed her eyes and pressed their cheeks together as she accepted the thank you, knowing JJ was just happy to see Spencer succeed.

She placed a hand on Y/N’s tummy before pulling away fully, “I always hoped I’d see the day where Spencer made a little genius, I still can’t believe Amoreena is his sometimes, that hasn’t really hit me yet, but this… this is real. I’m so happy for you.”

Y/N cried a little, wiping her eyes as she laughed it off, “okay, sorry this is a big day for me, my first baby is graduating, this baby is trying to grow a heartbeat, it’s all a lot.”

“I get it, believe me,” JJ agreed, placing her hand on Y/N’s lover back and holding her close to her side. Bonding in that moment, making Spencer’s heart swell.

“Where’s the cowboy?” She changed the subject, looking for Will.

“Oh there’s a case in Kentucky, I missed Henry’s graduation, so I’m here for Michaels while he’s on the case, it’s only fair,” she explained with a smile, content with how their life and relationship worked.

“Do you want to sit with us?” Y/N offered, pointing at the folding chairs, taking a seat with JJ in the front, sitting between her and Spencer so she could talk to both of them before the ceremony.

It was lovely having them become friends, his first love and the last one he'd ever have.

They passed out tissues (thank god) before the ceremony, Y/N and Spencer both using at least 5 as they watched Amoreena get her tiny scroll of paper, move the string on her hat to the other side and then wave at them. Spencer took at least 100 photos of her, unable to stop how proud he felt that he made her.

What Amoreena failed to mention was that she was chosen to be the class valedictorian, surprising them with a tiny speech at an even tinier podium. It was so cute, both Spencer and JJ recorded it to remember for later.

“My class chose me to talk to everyone because I’m the oldest, lots of my classmates like to think of me as an older sister,” she smiled right at her parents, hinting at the fact she knew when she thought Spencer didn’t yet.

So he played along, looking surprised at the word choice.

“I’ve had the best two years with all my friends in this classroom, Miss Kennedy was the nicest women they could pick to make sure we learned everything we need to before grade school starts,” her words were definitely chosen by her, possibly reworded by her teacher but definitely from her heart.

“My mom taught me the alphabet, she taught me how to spell and count, she taught me lots of things that miss Kennedy taught in here, at first it was hard being the kid who knew more, but then it was fun getting to help everyone else learn,” she continued with the most enthusiastic voice, going off-script as she thought of more. “My dad, though, he’s taught me how special our family is. How special it is to get to meet new people and learn about the world with them, I’m so glad my parents made me so I could learn with all of you these past 2 years.”

All the parents were crying, she was able to touch the hearts of everyone around her. At the age of 7, she was more well-spoken, more understanding and grateful than any of the adults in that room.

“I’ll see you all on the big kid yard next year!” She cheered, jumping up and down and clapping, all her friends rushed to the stage for a big group hug.

His little girl was so unbelievably loved, the way she deserved.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

[cabensonsgirly]

👼Baby’s Got Trouble. Don’t Know How To Live. Don’t Want To Die. (Cordelia Goode)👼

Cordelia Goode x fem!reader

👼Part 6 of SP getting reader pregnant👼

👼Slice 7👼

Co-authored with @billiedeannovak even though she will deny it in the court of law.

👼Published on AO3: Read Here👼

👼Taglist: @mrsdeanhoward @okpaulson @peggycarter-steverogers👼

👼Wordcount: 1450👼

👼Content: AU, angst, slow-burn, a n g s t, mentions of death and dying, pregnancy, religious metaphors👼

👼You were still going to your check-ups to see if the baby was developing well, but you didn’t want to know the gender without Delia being with you because you knew how important that moment would be for her. The months had seemed to both drag on and go by quickly, one day it would feel like it was lasting forever then before you knew it, it was the end of another month. 👼

People found it easier to blame nature and even put it down to supernatural causes instead of looking at those in positions of power for raining disasters of mythological proportions down on us all. It is easier to blame gods for famine, war, conquest, and death, because only they could be so cruel to so many people, to innocents like children.

Those that had connections, had power, knew who was the cause for what was happening, and one of them was doing her best to keep that from you. She told you that she would keep you safe even though she knew that the wax of her wings were failing her, she would not fail keeping you safe. Myrtle told her often that she can’t keep this from you forever, but Cordelia had an endless supply of determination.

There had been moments recently where you had grown frustrated with her, especially when she asked you to push the doctors visit out further because she wouldn’t be able to go with you- it was the third or fourth time she had done this, so you had snapped at her before realising she would much rather be with you if she had the time to.

You were still going to your check-ups to see if the baby was developing well, but you didn’t want to know the gender without Delia being with you because you knew how important that moment would be for her. The months had seemed to both drag on and go by quickly, one day it would feel like it was lasting forever then before you knew it, it was the end of another month.

You were supposed to meet Delia at the clinic, finally having a day where she could be present, finally the day for finding out whether you were having a boy or a girl… but things didn’t go to plan. You received a call from Myrtle saying that Cordelia was held up by something sudden, and that she was sorry she couldn’t be there. You were understandably mad and upset, but you thanked Myrtle for letting you know then went in for your appointment by yourself once more.

Each time you saw yours and Delia’s baby on the screen you couldn’t stop the tears, you loved seeing your baby’s little hands and feet moving around, and you couldn’t wait for the day where you cold hold them in your arms, and put a name to their undoubtedly cute face. You kept every scan image you had, wanting to put it in a book to show how your baby has been developing since day dot.

The drive home was long but not unpleasant, you never grew tired of seeing the trees that lined the streets or the architecture of the historic buildings, nor were you tired of pulling up outside the house and feeling like you were home. That was one word you hadn’t used in a while, home. You always thought it was so cliché when people would say “home isn’t a place, it’s a person” but with Cordelia, you finally knew what it meant.

Every time you were with her, in her arms, you could feel yourself relax, you felt safe with her. Her angel wings wrapped around you, their ethereal glow protecting you from the cruel blows that the world was dealing to you. She wanted you to be safe, but just because you were loved by one god up in Olympus, doesn’t mean you were loved by all of them- The queen of them all wanted to see you suffer, she sent her horsemen- stole them from the gods from whom they were created- and one by one they would make their way to you.

“Delia? I’m back. I found out the-“ You cut yourself off when you hear sobbing coming from one of the side-rooms; one of the horsemen could be heard, a pale horse whose hooves were clacking against the hardwood flooring of the house. You followed the sound of the crying, lingering just outside the room, to the side of the open door as to not be seen by the two women that were inside.

“Myrtle I’m-“ she clings to the front of the older woman’s gown where she’s sitting on the floor in front of her, body shaking as tears rack through her. The red-head gently strokes Cordelia’s hair, her own eyes filled with tears “Why must the world be so cruel to you both? Just as a new life is to come, another life is to- This must be some cruel trick, Cordelia. You’re too young to- This doesn’t seem fair.”

Cordelia looks up at her, the feathers of her wings falling away, decaying as they hit the ground- turning black with that darkness that had been tainting everything. She couldn’t stick them back on, the wax was gone and so was her strength. “I don’t think I will last much longer. I can- I can already feel myself starting to fade. Look at me, my wings no longer work, I don’t have the strength to go to an appointment with my girlfriend. What is it like? What is- what is it like to die?”

You let out a sob before your hands shoot up to cover your mouth, but it was too late, you heard your name called out weakly by your moon, so you made your way into the room. Your cheeks were wet with tears, and your bottom lip trembled as you fought back more, you were angry but only because you were scared and upset. “Delia- Delia tell me- Tell me that isn’t true. Tell me you aren’t-“ You look to Myrtle, tensing your jaw in a desperate fight to keep it together “Tell me she isn’t dying, Myrtle. Tell me. Tell me- Tell me she won’t leave. Tell her she can’t-“

You shake your head and run a shaky hand through your hair, more tears spilling onto your red cheeks “Tell me that she isn’t dying! She can’t!” You look between them both, your eyes pleading with one of them to tell you what you heard isn’t true. “Please tell me I won’t be losing you, Delia. Please.” Your moon shakes her head, unable to stop herself from crying “You- You know I can’t lie to you. Please don’t- Please don’t make me say it, my love.”

You go over to her and drop down to your knees, burying your face in her shoulder as you sob, clinging desperately to the black coat she is wearing. “You can’t leave us. You can’t- You can’t say goodbye to our daughter before you��ve even had the chance to say hello. Delia-“ She wraps her arms around you and holds you close, her voice barely above a whisper “We- We’re having a girl?”

You nod against her, sniffling before pulling back, giving her a sad smile “We are. If- If you had come today we would have found out together but-“ You move your hands to cup her cheeks tenderly, thumbs brushing away the tears “I wanted to come, I did, but I- I broke down… It’s happening faster than usual.” She shakes her head, trying her best to smile back “A baby girl. I can’t believe we’re having a baby girl.”

You nod then kiss her softly, mumbling against her lips “Our girl. She will be just like her mommy.” She laughs a bit, pulling back she cups your cheek with a shaky hand “She will be just like her mama.” You wipe your eyes on your sleeves, taking a deep breath before speaking once more. “Can- Isn’t there something we can do? Something- something we can do to- to bring you back? Like you did with Misty?”

Cordelia’s hand falls from your cheek “It- it doesn’t-“ You shake your head “No- No don’t- You can’t give up like that! If- If it worked with bringing Misty back then- then it has to work with you! Myrtle please!” You look to the older woman, desperate for her to say something but all she does is shake her head, one of her hands holding one of Cordelia’s. “We- We can bring you back. You- You did it twice- you did it twice. We do it like you did Misty. Delia- you did that twice, I- we- can do this.”

Cordelia shakes her head and looks at you, the glow in her pools of molten chocolate was cooling “Can’t you- Can’t you hear me? I’m not coming home.”

The sound of the hooves stopped behind her, so you looked up to see, a pale horse. And the name of him who sat on it was Death.

[herinsectreflection]

I really love how much of Faith there is in S6, and I mean that completely seriously. She's a constant unmentioned figure, haunting the narrative. The central ideas of her character become the central ideas of the season, and for Buffy's character specifically.

Faith is such an interesting figure because despite appearing in less than thirty episodes across both shows, she’s one of the most important characters for reflecting both leads, but especially Buffy for obvious reasons. She's Angel's mentee figure, the representation of how good desire to right his own wrongs and give others a chance to do the same can reciprocally save him. And she's Buffy's dark mirro, representing who Buffy could be if she surrendered to the mercy of her circumstances. Faith’s status as Buffy’s distorted mirror image is constant throughout the show. Cordelia was Buffy’s first shadow self, but Faith owns that role, long after she stops appearing regularly.

The season opens for Buffy with her hand stretching up out of her grave, with a visual almost identical to Faith’s dream in This Year’s Girl. You could almost see Buffy’s ressurection as akin to Faith waking from her coma to find a world that has left her behind. They both wake up alone and stagger around town, finding themselves at the burned-out site of the previous season’s finale, and both their initial instincts are to destroy their bodies - Faith by disappearing into Buffy's, and Buffy by leaping off the tower again.

Throughout the season, Buffy exhibits a lot of Faith-like behaviour. A big one is using sex as a coping mechanism. Buffy instigates an unhealthy sexual relationship with Spike to stave off her depression and hide it from others. Faith uses agressive sexuality to intimidate others and keep her pain hidden (see her initially attempting to seduce the Mayor to avoid accepting his paternal affection, or instigating sex with Xander in response to his attempts at emotional connection). Both are prone to violence against their sexual partners too - Faith with Xander in the same scene and Buffy with Spike multiple times. Like vampires, the Slayers seem inclined to conflate sex and violence (I'll let the fact that they are both prone to violence against each other speak for itself). In her dream in Dead Things, Buffy mixes up seeing Katrina's corpse and having sex with Spike in a blurry whirlwind of sex and death, bringing this conflation to the forefront.

It's also worth noting that Faith is implied in many ways to be a victim of sexual abuse, and it's in this season that Buffy experiences an attempted rape. Both are caught up in that cycle of abuse, and thankfully they manage to both escape.

And then there's the suicidal ideation. Oh god, the suicidal ideation. There's a few examples of characters being self-destructive or sacrificial in a way that evokes suicide (Angel springs to mind in multiple instances), but it's only Faith and Buffy in S6 (and parts of S5 to be fair) that explicitly grapple with this. Buffy's arc in S6 is basically her grappling with suicidal ideation, and struggling to actually want to be alive. Faith attempts suicide multiple times - metaphorically in This Year's Girl and literally in Five By Five, when she attempts suicide-by-copvampire-detective. I would even argue that Graduation Day is another example of attempted suicide-by-slayer, given that she actively goads Buffy to kill her (and therefore become her), and seems almost relieved and proud when she seemingly does so.

The kicker is really Dead Things. This is such a vital episode for understanding Buffy in S6, and it is absolutely dripping with Faith parallels. It's almost a Frankenstein episode, made up of bits of other Faith-centric episodes. The central conflict is the exact same as Bad Girls, with a routine patrol (seemingly) killing an innocent bystander at the hands of a slayer. Spike has the same solution as Faith - dump the body and forget about it. He even uses the same utilitarian argument to justify it - that one lost life is meaningless, collateral damage, against the many that Buffy has saved. But it's Buffy who is in Faith's shoes, struggling with the idea that she killed someone. Ironically, her solution - to hand herself over to the police - is in fact the same solution Faith eventually comes to in Sanctuary. At this point in time, that was the last thing we saw Faith do in the Buffyverse, and now Buffy herself reaches for that same idea to try and achieve peace.

Her attempt to turn herself in can and should be read as a metaphorical suicide attempt. Her words to Dawn saying goodbye are pretty much a repeat of her words to Dawn before she jumps in The Gift (see @impalementation 's great post on this). She's been trying to recreate that feeling of exquisite peace all year, just as Faith repeatedly turns to metaphorical and literal suicide to find her own. That idea of "peace" being equated to both voluntary incarceration and suicide makes the ending to Sanctuary much darker, which makes me glad that Faith ends up taking an active role in the world by the end.

Buffy beating up Spike in the alley - himself a mirror to Buffy in many ways, and behaving identically to Faith in this episode - is lifted from Who Are You.

"Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing. Disgusting. Murderous bitch. You're nothing. You're disgusting."

- Faith Lehane, Who Are You, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

"You don't have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never be your girl!"

- Buffy Summers, Dead Things, shouted while crying and punching someone on the floor, but obviously talking about herself.

Both scenes come at the climax of an episode-long metaphorical suicide. Both strip away the characters' defenses and lay bare an unfiltered and messy psyche, dominated by anger and self-hatred.

So we can see that when Buffy is at her lowest, she becomes her own shadow self. Faith is in many ways a permanent part of Buffy's psyche, which comes up to the surface occasionally and has to be actively quashed (I'm thinking about her taking on parts of Faith's wardrobe along with her personality in Bad Girls, until the accident at which point she actively goes in the opposite sartorial direction). In her post-ressurection depressive haze, Buffy is simultaneously less connected to her own personhood and more emotionally volatile, so her shadow self is exposed, and that shadow self is Faith.

It gets extra interesting when you remember that Faith is The Slayer at this point. No new slayer is called when Buffy dies - nobody even suggests that one might be out there - which suggests that the sole Slayer line runs through Faith now, and Buffy is an abberation. (S7 kind of confuses the issue when it suggests that the First will have to kill Buffy last, but it makes more sense to ignore that than to ignore this). The Slayer is a core part of Buffy's identity, one that she ambivalently pulls away from and grabs on to - but technically it belongs to Faith now. In S6 Buffy loses connection to her identity, and so becomes an echo of Faith, who owns that part of her now.

Going even further - Faith only exists as The Slayer at all because of Buffy's first death. Slayers are kind of an undead like vampires in a way - they can only ever exist because someone else dies. They live because of death. Faith is the walking, talking corpse of Buffy, a reborn figure given purpose by death, for death. Buffy in S6 is experiencing her own kind of un-life, as depression so often feels like. She too feels like the walking, talking corpse of Buffy. The Slayer, Faith, and Buffy are all caught in their own purgatory, born out of death and unable to see anything but death in their near future.

It's just so much fun to pick apart this season and see how it relates to this seemingly unrelated character. Faith feels like a major presence in a season that she doesn't appear in - and I'm not sure even explicitly mentions her - solely thanks to how effective a lens she is to view the main character. Now that's effective connection of character and theme.

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying. 

[max-the-d0g]

Cordelia Goode

NSFW alphabet 

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Cordelia is a delicate angel who will make sure that you are comfortable, checking if you need water, a shower or anything that may help. Even some grilled cheese, if you are hungry. This happens if Cordelia was the one giving you pleasure. If it's you giving her pleasure, she will act like the precious baby she is, snuggling extra close to you. She may place her head on your chest to hear your heartbeat which will lure her to sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on her she likes her arms, wrapping them around you and pushing your back to her front when you are  riding her thigh. On you, she likes your hands. Loves how soft and delicate they are against her skin. All, knowing how magical they are in the bedroom.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She isn't a fan of her own but loves being between your legs. She could spend hours there if she had her way. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She wants to be tied up and completely at your mercy. But she still doesn't dare to ask for it. yet...

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not much experience with women, but she is a quicker learner. She can master how to pleasure you perfectly in a couple of minutes and have you screaming. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

She loves to be on her knees, making you moan and groan. Loving to look up and see the absolute pleasure on your face. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

she gets goofy, she is very ticklish on her sides. So, you lightly skim your fingers across there just to hear her giggle and softly smile at you afterwards. 

H = Hair (how well-groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

she will never admit it, but she had laser hair removal and will never admit it that she went to the lazer clinic with Madison and got it done. It is perfectly groomed. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she is very romantic at the moment. she loves to light candles and layout rose petals making it so cliche. But who doesn't like cliches...

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She doesn't do it much, but when she is away for council meeting and having to stay away from you for long periods, she may Skype you if you are awake and touch herself. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

she loves to be praised and to praise you. Cordelia likes to be spanked... and likes to spank you and she likes to be slightly degraded. The perfect balance of being praised and being degrading just gets her all wet. 

L = Location (favourite places to do they do)

Her bedroom or her office, doors have to be locked. The amount of times you had to tell the girls to knock is ridiculous. or the number of times they ruined a moment. is embarrassing, both for you and Delia and the girl walking in. (Mallory or Zoe mostly) 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Watching you do domestic activities, could be cleaning or cooking. It just does something in her and as soon as you are done doing that activity she will drag you to her office. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Magic in the bedroom, tried it before and it scared her because it made you pass out. Or having sex out in the open. Both of you have been in the embarrassing situation of either Mallory or Zoe walking in on you both in the bedroom so doing it anywhere else is a no no. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

loves to be between your legs giving you the pleasure. However, loves how skilled you are. she doesn't mind either way. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

slow and sensual, this happens when both of you are having a romantic night. Both of you taking your time in pleasuring each other. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes, 100% for quickies. In the morning or her office. They are more often than you would have thought but once she is turned on she needs to cum. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

If it’s safe and both of you are agreeing with it, it will happen. She does love to experiment but its usually you that has to say it. she doesn't have the courage yet to announce what she wants. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Of course this woman can last all night long. She can handle many rounds. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She has a few that she uses on you and she has a few that you use on her. They aren't used as much because she enjoys the “natural way” of pleasuring you, with her hands and mouth.  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She doesn't tease much. Cordelia does like to be teased and you love to hear her beg to cum. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She says she can be quiet. But she gets so loud you have to gag her with her underwear or she bites your shoulder or neck to muffle the noise. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You were both in her office you under the desk, eating he out when Misty walks in to ask her about something You move more into the desk and Instead of stopping you carried on until she came with misty still in the room asking if she was feeling well due to her red blushing face. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

she usually wears lace or silk underwear. Usually black or dark colours in contrast to her pale skin. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Just above average. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

she would make sure you are okay and will get you anything before even thinking of sleeping. Then she will gather her nightgown and check the academy to make sure all the girls are in bed. If she is too tired she will just snuggle up to you and fall to sleep.