#there were also other factors that made me not want to live there (the lack of nature and lack of personal space the constant noise etc)

[queensunshinee]

Time Of Our Lives || Part 4

Part 4:

There was a hand on her boob. When Liana opened her eyes in complete darkness, it took her a moment to remember where she was. Art was sick. She was in his room because she wanted to make sure he fell asleep; in reality, she fell asleep herself. Now their legs were tangled, his heavy breaths tickled her neck where his head was buried, one of his hands was holding her waist, and the other, well... it was on her chest.

She knew it wasn’t intentional. None of what happened in the last day was intentional. That’s not her relationship with Art. It’s a glitch in time. One of those moments where the universe collapses into itself and needs to fold a bit to straighten the course. She considered waking him with a sharp movement but remembered how miserable and wretched he looked yesterday. He would cry from embarrassment if she woke him now, with them in this position. So she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and decided to deal with the problem in the morning, if necessary. She tried to remind herself that the more Art slept, the faster he would recover, and she could return to her routine. With these thoughts and his breaths as a grounding factor, she managed to fall asleep. When she opened her eyes again, Art was gone. 'The fever broke. Thanks for everything, Li, went for a run' was the message waiting for her on her phone, making her smile unconsciously. The glitch was over.

The last two months were harder than Art was willing to admit. The studies and training were grueling. The routine was exhausting. And Tashi was still in a relationship with Patrick. Art didn’t know why it bothered him so much. Well, of course he knew. Tashi was the most beautiful girl he had ever met. But it’s not like he lacked girls around him who were just waiting for him to say hello to jump into his bed. Maybe he was thinking about it more than usual because lately, Liana didn’t have a free moment. She was stressed from exams and choosing her major. She didn’t tell him that, he just knew her. Liana was the most calculated person he knew. She made long-term plans, for no real reason. When Patrick would come, she would plan the time she spent with them two weeks in advance. Art knew the uncertainty about her major weighed on her. He also didn’t know how to help her. His life was clear to him; Tennis. Tennis, family, and Patrick. Everything was clear, easy, and unchallenging. Patrick was supposed to visit in two days, and Art would never say it out loud because that’s his best friend, but he hated it. He knew Patrick was coming to be with Tashi, that he would waste Liana’s time, and in the end, he wouldn’t have time to sit with him at all. Maybe that’s what made him approach Tashi while she was collecting balls from the court after practice. “Art...” she said in a dubious voice, not fully understanding what he was doing there. Their schedules almost never overlapped. Their practices were at different times. He thought of inviting her to eat first, using some of his cafeteria points, but he remembered that Liana preferred their cafeteria over the one near her campus. “Do you need help?” he offered instead. “Sure, why not.” Tashi shrugged, her voice unconvincing. She knew he wasn’t just here. She knew Patrick was supposed to arrive and that Art was going to say something that would anger her. “I see you want to say something, so just say it.” She placed the basket of balls down, folding her arms. “Okay.” He sighed, moving towards the bench as she walked after him. “Patrick is coming the day after tomorrow.” He said. “I’m aware.” Her answers were sharp. She didn’t have time to waste on him and his circling around without saying what he wanted. “Do you want to plan a surprise party or something?” she asked jokingly, trying to move the conversation along. “Why are you still with him?” He looked her in the eyes, deciding to be direct. “Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow, her face changing. She was no longer curious; she was angry. “He’s in love with Liana.” Art said automatically. He seemed as surprised by the words that came out of his mouth as she did. Patrick is in love with Liana? No way. At least he didn’t think so. So why did he say that? Now the thought that Patrick wanted Liana while he was with Tashi, the most beautiful girl he knew, wouldn’t leave his head. Tashi continued to look at him without saying anything, then chuckled, making him raise an eyebrow. “No, Art. You’re in love with Liana.” She rolled her eyes, her level of anger rising. “Absolutely n—” he started to defend himself but was immediately cut off. “And even if he does. Even if he wants to marry Liana. Even if he’s sure she will be the mother of his children. What do you want from me?!” She shouted the end of the sentence, causing Art to shrink for a moment. “Aren’t you supposed to be his best friend?” she asked, starting to walk away. “I’m not in love with Liana.” Was all he managed to say in response, “She’s my best friend,” he muttered, quickly following her, not fully understanding why he was explaining this. “Art,” Tashi suddenly stopped, close to him. “I suggest you open a dictionary to check what ‘best friend’ means and when you understand, don’t cry that you lost yours.” She ended the conversation (which led nowhere) and only pushed him further from his goal and confused him about what the goal even was. Why did he start this? He hadn’t seen Patrick for too long. Or Liana.

When Liana entered her room, around midnight, Patrick and Art were there. “Give me the key!” She extended her hand towards Art, who just smiled. They both knew he wouldn’t give it. “I could have been with someone. I could have entered here with someone, and at the peak of the moment when we enter my room, you’re here!” She raised her voice, but not too loud because the hour didn’t allow it. “I’m not joking, Art, give me the key. You can’t come in here whenever you feel like it! Tell him!” She turned the end towards Patrick. Talking to him as if it were completely natural for him to be at Stanford in the middle of the night. “Who is this mysterious man she could have entered with at night, Art? I thought you were keeping an eye on her,” Patrick’s voice was amused, but the thought of Liana bringing a random guy to her room didn’t appeal to him. “That’s why I have a key, to scare off guys she meets in the library. Once, I saw her hanging out with someone who wore Crocs,” he said to him. They talked about her as if she wasn’t there, knowing full well it was the thing she hated most. “Out. Both of you, out!” She crossed her arms under her chest. “Hey, Amanda the lowbreaker, are you going to hug me and say hi, or just yell at me?” Patrick understood that her nerves were frayed at this stage of the day. “Amanda?” Art asked, not understanding what they were talking about. “She knows.” Patrick didn’t look at Art for a second. He only saw Liana. Her dark hair, identical to his, was tied in a messy ponytail, and there was a coffee stain on her shirt. She looked exhausted, yet she approached him and wrapped her arms around his waist, causing him to close his eyes for a moment. If Patrick could pinpoint the smell he loved most in the world, he would say it was citrus and roses. Liana’s scent. To him, it characterized summer from the moment he met her; smelling it in the middle of the year felt like a bonus. Like a pay raise for a job well done. Even though he knew nothing about his job was going well. Art cleared his throat, and they separated. “What are you doing here?” She really sounded exhausted. Like she hadn’t slept in a while. “I told you I was coming. I put my things in Tashi’s room and wanted to say hi before you go to sleep. We’ll hang out tomorrow, okay?” he asked at the end, his voice begging for a positive response. He couldn’t leave without making the most of the time he had with her. Time she would have to allow. Art watched the dynamic between them from the side. Thinking about what he said to Tashi; Patrick is in love with Liana. Patrick is in love with Liana. Patrick is in love with Liana. Like a mantra he couldn’t stop hearing for two days. Now also seeing it. Patrick is in love with Liana? Maybe it’s a crush? Art tried to remember how Patrick was with the girls at school, did he hug them for too long? Did they have private jokes? How did he look at them? “I don’t know if I can, Pat, I have an exam in two days...” her voice was apologetic. "Then I'll just sit next to you while you study. Come on, you can't say no to me." His smile was genuine, teeth showing. Not a smirk. "Alright..." Liana shrugged, her tone half-defeated, half-amused. "But you have to promise to behave and let me study," she said with absolute seriousness. "I'll behave however you want, Amanda. I'll be the quietest, I'll be so good for you. The best boy in the world," he winked. It was objectively funny banter. Tho Art wasn't amused. "Okay, fuck off, both of you. Now. I want to sleep!" she declared, giving Art a small push, shaking him out of his daze. Patrick is in love with Liana.

Hey there, me again. Is posting once a day a bit too much? I hope you're enjoying it. Tell me what you think about the characters so far. Also, tell me if you want to be tagged for the next part. Have a great weekend ❤️

taglist: @swetearss

[ponett]

Whenever I complain about graphic or dark content in media I watch, I keep hearing people retort with this apparently very popular opinion that people who enjoy comfy, wholesome things are actually more likely to be raging assholes than people who love things like death metal and gore. As someone who seems to enjoy comfy, wholesome things yourself and likely met many others who enjoy similar such things, do you agree with this opinion? If so, why do you think this happens?

So I've been sitting on this ask for like a week, not knowing whether or not I wanted to touch it because it kind of feels like being handed a live grenade

For one, I don't like being pigeonholed as someone who just likes "comfy" or "wholesome" things. Yeah, I enjoy My Little Pony and Animal Crossing. I made a game with cute furry characters and lots of bright colors. I also enjoy things like Berserk and Chainsaw Man and Doom and violent crime dramas and punk rock with vulgar lyrics and porn. Variety is the spice of life

Anyway: I generally don't think it's a good idea to make sweeping statements about peoples' moral or intellectual character based on what genres of story they enjoy, regardless of what direction you're coming at it from. But this is a very leading question that kind of skirts around the root problems

There's frequent (perhaps a bit exaggerated) pushback these days against people who prefer their fiction to be a warm blanket, a form of escapism meant to distract you from the real world. In particular, the dreaded "person who only watches kids' cartoons" is a form of this that gets brought up a lot. I don't think the root problem here is what media people enjoy or don't personally enjoy - taste is subjective, and I don't think it's a moral obligation for everyone to have diverse tastes in TV shows - but I do think some folks should try to get out of their comfort zone a bit more. Sometimes stuff that seems like it won't be for you on a surface level will really end up speaking to you, but you won't know until you give it a shot. Trust me, I've been there many times

It becomes a problem when people demand that media ONLY cater to that "warm blanket" attitude. And I think that's part of the reason why that stereotype you mentioned about fans of ""wholesome""" media being assholes exists. People who view dark or violent content as an inherent flaw because it's not what they like. People who yell at creators when they make bad things happen in their stories, because how dare you do this to my comfort characters? People who say movies should never have sex scenes. People who want "problematic" moral complexity stripped out in favor of black and white moral instruction. People who seem to hate any sort of interpersonal conflict in fiction at all

These attitudes can be the result of many different cultural factors, factors that can't all be traced back to Tumblr or what shows you like, but sometimes it's definitely because of that lack of broader perspective on media. You can tell when someone's opinions on The Right And Wrong Ways To Write Fiction were shaped almost entirely by, like, Steven Universe discourse. (Yes, this is a jab at Lily Orchard.) And when these people are very loud about their opinions, well, it becomes a trend people notice

Like. I don't know you. You sent this anonymously. But when you say you "complain about graphic or dark content in media you watch"... that could mean a few wildly different things! Maybe you're just venting about something that unexpectedly triggered you, and that's totally fine. But the wording could also imply that, like, you take issue with these things being present at all, and that you expect a person who likes "death metal and gore" to be more of a "raging asshole" than someone who likes the "wholesome" things you like. So... well, maybe you're more dismissive or judgmental of things outside your comfort zone than you realize?

Unfortunately, in case it's not already obvious, on the internet this shit quickly becomes a proxy battle over dozens of intersecting cultural issues at once where everyone is kinda just talking past each other. So it gets messy

For example, I have no reason to believe that the people who run the "Wholesome Games" showcases have anything against games that are dark or violent or contain adult themes. (They've outright said they don't. Many times!) But when you see people going "why is Spiritfarer allowed in the showcase? That's a game about DEATH and that's NOT WHOLESOME, why would you make me think about death?" or "Ugh, why does Disco Elysium have to be about a cop? Why can't we apply these systems to a game about a young witch who's trying to find a lost cat in an idyllic village instead?" it... Well, it makes me sympathetic towards the indies who don't feel comfortable with the "Wholesome Games" label and consider it limiting. But it also doesn't make me think that devs catering to a demand for more chill, nonviolent video games are categorically facilitating fascist censorship from the Christian right

It's complicated! The written word is imprecise and the internet is a nightmare

I've kind of gone off on multiple tangents here. Basically: I do think that people can kinda turn fans of "comfy" media or "adults who only watch Bluey" into an overblown boogeyman these days. I think people online generally have a habit of swinging too hard in one direction or another in their stances on certain things, overcompensating based on what group of people online are currently annoying them the most and turning said group into like The Main Problem With Society Today. But I also think that boogeyman only exists because of very real examples of people demanding that everything cater to their narrow comfort zone. Go like what you like, but also, y'know. Don't be that person

[centrally-unplanned]

In my list of orphaned projects is a big damn essay on the fertility transition , which I never wrote. I had this in the docket for almost a decade, back when worrying about fertility rates was still a hot take. But alas the ship has sailed, everyone is talking about it now and has written it all out already, and I have mountains of projects, so I will just outline it quickly, sans graphs and footnotes. Maybe doing that will incentivize me to write up a full one someday, and it also gets my cohesive viewpoint out there.

The Future Is Exowombs & the Global Fertility Transition

The Trendline

The fertility transition has long roots - going back to 19th century France, originating in metropoles like Paris and culturally exporting itself to the countryside.

It seems broadly linked to material prosperity in ways that are load-bearing, one implies the other.

It is a 'sticky' cultural transition - once a country begins to move towards lowered TFR it never recovers outside of temporary blips.

It is not related to "western" cultural norms or specific contingencies of religion or ethnicity - those can matter at the margins, but rarely make a huge difference.

Starting in the 1990's, following sharp increases in A: global economic growth and B: global cultural diffusion/global monoculture, a trendline that used to be reserved for wealthy countries has rapidly accelerated, affecting countries at almost every income level. The fertility transition is now fully global.

The Cause

The primary driver of this phenomenon is the positive realization of desires - and by that I mean it is not something forced on people due to a lack in their lives.

It is not primarily caused by growing singleness; the number of people having any kids at all today is lower but overall pretty similar to the number of people who did a hundred years ago. It makes a marginal difference but not a huge one.

It is not linked to money, or housing prices, or other economic issues - fertility rates do not notably change with income levels or other price factors. At the margins, sure, but not at relevant ones.

It is not linked to specific technologies like contraception. People have understood how to prevent pregnancy for centuries - though like many things they do contribute at the margins. Additionally, you can’t uninvent them.

It is by a large majority linked to the death of large families. It was previously common for there to be families with 5 or more children, sometimes way more. 10+ children was not that rare in the past.

These families were disproportionately engaged in agricultural production; cities have always been fertility sinks.

In a world of manual household labor, rural living, low rights for women, low economic opportunities for women, and high death rates for children, these large families made sense. The 'opportunity cost' of the endless pregnancies & sicknesses was low (economically, not gonna handwave the immense personal toll)

All of these reasons have vanished. People want to have families, and love their children. But enduring multiple painful pregnancies, putting your career on hold, and spending huge chunks of your lifespan on child raising no longer tracks. The experience of having ~2 children is superior, along almost every metric, than the experience of having ~5 children for most people. This is what I mean by positive desires - the family structures of the past were built on misery and necessity, and will not return willingly.

The Problem

Many will point to the economic & social consequences of the Fertility Transition. They are very real, particularly at sub-1.0 fertility rates. If you are South Korea today, you have no plan for how your economy will truly support itself 50 years from now - you will vanish as a country in a few generations.

The focus on nearish-term crises also misses the opportunities lost - economic growth is premised on specialization, and specialization is premised on scale. A smaller world is a poorer world per capita, and a less innovative world, problems which have compounding effects. The difference in the long term is orders of magnitude.

But, far more importantly than any of that, is that we are nowhere close to the capacity of the earth to support humans. Supporting double or even triple the current population of the earth is trivial; a 10-fold increase would be quite easy, particularly once innovation is factored in. Being alive is a good of worth incomparable to anything else - the 'future' is literally defined by it. Time only meaningfully passes through the eye of one who can behold it.

The Failed Solutions

Money cannot buy lifespan or reclaim lost time - all attempts to throw money at the problem of fertility can help at the margins, but won't change the fundamentals. Some people want to have 2 kids, but can only afford 1. Or are prioritizing a career, but will work part time to have 3 kids. But the current policy crop of tax benefits or subsidized child care has not found a way to make someone truly want a larger family size, just mitigate gaps between desire and ability - and only barely.

Could radically larger amounts of money solve this problem? A professional career track in giving birth, 100k+ salaries for full-time mothers? I am open to the idea - but society isn't. The fiscal transfers needed are too radical for the current political environment, no one is proposing this.

Immigration was frequently proposed as a stop-gap, but its a 90's idea, premised on the idea that the Fertility Transition was a western problem that other countries did not face. It is not and never was; as every country's fertility declines, immigration becomes a zero-sum solution.

Turning back the clock on cultural change is A: impossible, the material logic of modern industrial production broke the need for it, and culture is downstream of material constraints. And B: its barbaric - if your answer to humanity's obstacles to greater flourishing is to condemn half of it to misery, we are better off dead.

So population levels will either stagnate or decline - unless something intervenes.

The "Future" Aka Getting Rationalist On Main

Exowombs, aka artificial wombs, allow you to grow a human child outside of the need for a person to incubate it. The baby (hah) step they let you do is strongly lower the cost of having a child; this is time & health given back to a mother, it will make having larger families easier.

But that won't fundamentally, shift the reality - that most people only want 1-2 kids, they don't want to raise more than that. However, with exowombs, you don't need to; you can make children outside of a family's desire for one. You can do that pretty trivially, actually. A society, if committed to solving its fertility issues, could mass-produce people with exowombs. Which would be very good to do ethically, because living is good and I personally don't think kids at orphanages should be euthanized to end their suffering, they are fine.

If some society, somewhere, did this, they would rule the world in a few generations. No one else is solving this problem, and meanwhile the human capacity to live on Earth is being woefully underutilized. Before natural human growth would solve this eventually - now it seems that will never happen, so anyone who actively tackles the problem wins. They literally win the future, by being the future.

Now, no one is going to do this soon - proposing this idea is not my point. Exowomb research is harshly regulated or illegal everywhere, modern society hates the idea of this kind of experimentation. We are, in so many ways, allergic to the idea of solving this problem. It doesn't even have to be exowombs, maybe we do the salaried mothers idea. My point is just the illustration - the future where there is 100 billion people dwarfs any current trendline future. That hypothetical dominates the worldline space, because arriving there organically seems to have faded away. The fact that we are not going to take that future, that it is probably gone now, is really, really sad.

But of course there is the other solution, the reactionary specter - instead of the technological solution, we choose the social one, of cultural regression and expanded reproductive control. I am not so worried about this, personally? Because I think it would unsustainable and result in a lot of bleed to liberal societies. It should not be taken lightly though - in a world where everyone has 1.0 fertility, and the social and economic consequences are becoming dire, I wouldn’t discount the willingness for radical solutions. I myself prefer the technologist side. But I think odds are we don't get either, just the long decline.

TL;DR - don’t let the Mormons win. Build exowomb factories.

[mariacallous]

so every time I post about building of more housing through HUD or whatever, people will always pop into the tags or the notes and say something like "we don't need to build any more housing!" "there's more than enough houses for people!" etc from the left

and I have an idea what the issue is, ie there's enough housing collectively across all of America, but not enough where people actually live/want to live, what good does an empty house in Montana do someone paying too much in rent in NYC?

but you're a lot smarter than me, what are they talking about? are they right? is my guess correct?

Finding an affordable place to live in the U.S. can feel pretty impossible whether you're a renter or a buyer.

To begin with, there's a massive shortage of homes — somewhere between 4 and 7 million. And those who are able to find homes are spending a much bigger chunk of their paycheck than in recent years.

...

All Things Considered host Mary Louise Kelly spoke with Alex Horowitz, the director of Pew's Housing Policy Initiative, to help understand why affordable housing feels like a pipe dream, and what can be done about it.

She began by asking about the shortage of 4 to 7 million homes in the U.S., and whether that was a shortage of all homes or affordable ones.

...

Alex Horowitz: We're short on all homes. Full stop. There just aren't enough of them. And that means that existing homes are getting bid up because we see high income households competing with low income households for the same residences since just not enough are getting built.

Mary Louise Kelly: And what's driving this? Why?

Horowitz: So restrictive zoning is the primary culprit. It's made it hard to build homes in the areas where there are jobs. And so that has created an immense housing shortage. And each home is getting bid up, whether it's a rental or whether it's a home to buy.

Kelly: I want to ask if there are any cities getting this right. Can you give me an example of one that has looked at it's zoning laws and said we could actually make this more affordable if we change things?

Horowitz: There are definitely cities that are getting this right. And we've seen a lot of changes in recent years to allow more homes, especially the kinds of homes that are in short supply, namely apartments, townhouses, duplexes and homes that don't cost as much as a detached single family house. Minneapolis is a great example. Minneapolis updated their zoning to make it much easier to build apartments near commerce and near transit, in part by eliminating parking minimums and also by making permitting easy. And it worked. They're producing housing at triple the rate of the U.S. and the rest of Minnesota, and that has meant that they've kept their rents flat for about seven years.

...

Kelly: Okay, so let's drill down first on the renters side of this. We heard from Natalie French, the renter who had to move out of her apartment when her rent went way up. How typical is that? Is that happening to people all over the country?

Horowitz: That is happening. And rents have been rising rapidly, up about 30% in the U.S. since 2017, with median rents now hitting about 1400 dollars a month. And we've never been at a time before where half of renters were spending 30% or more of income on rent. But that's happening for the first time.

Kelly: And then on the homebuying side, we hear a lot about mortgage rates. They keep climbing. They don't look like they're coming down anytime soon. Are there other factors that make this a tough time to buy?

Horowitz: A lack of starter homes is really keeping it difficult for first time homebuyers to crack the market. And that is because traditionally starter homes are small homes. That means a home on a small lot, maybe a townhouse. And we're seeing far fewer of those come onto the market. Many jurisdictions require large minimum lot sizes, and that means that land costs end up being a big part of the equation. Houston is the place that has had the most success in bringing starter homes into the market. And it was by reducing their minimum lot size. And then 80,000 townhouses followed.

Kelly: So does it boil down to the double whammy of: there aren't enough homes full stop, and even if there were a home, it's really hard to afford a mortgage in an era where mortgage rates are sky high.

Horowitz: Mortgage rates are a piece of the puzzle, but at a fundamental level, even when mortgage rates were low, it was hard to buy a home for the first time because there simply aren't enough of them. And a lot of the ones that we have are bigger than what people need. U.S. household size is at an all time low of 2.50 people per household. And so we see homes that are bigger than what a lot of residents are looking for.

Kelly: What about financing and lending? Setting aside what mortgage rates are, is it more difficult than in generations past just to get a loan to buy a house?

Horowitz: Oh, it's gotten much more difficult to get a mortgage. The availability of mortgage credit tightened dramatically during the Great Recession, and it never bounced back. So for someone who gets a mortgage today, they're likely to have a higher credit score than someone who's gotten a mortgage in the past. And that means simply fewer people are eligible for homes. And the cost to originate a mortgage has roughly tripled since 2009. And that has meant that lenders don't offer many small mortgages because they tend not to make money on them unless the mortgage is for over about $150,000.

[retributory]

Thank you for the post saying Binghe wouldn't care if he found out Shen Yuan replaced Shen Jiu, I saw a post on that danmei confessions blog that was something like "Shen Yuan being compared to Helen of Troy is accurate bc they both bring ruin to those around them, since if people found out about Shen Yuan then Cang Diong would want Shen Jiu's body back for a burial (so they would basically exorcise Shen Yuan out of it I guess and he'd die again) and Luo Binghe would break up with him for not being able to trust him anymore" and that pissed me off so much bc like. Worstie how can you read the novel and be this wrong about everything in it. Personally I don't think people know Shen Yuan replaced Shen Jiu (except maybe Binghe) but if they found out about how he was forced to due to the System, like he was a hostage and cursed by some entity, they certainly wouldn't blame him or force him to leave. I mean literally the only person who would mourn Shen Jiu is Yue Qingyuan, and he likes the current Shen Yuan too! He wouldn't want him dead either. Idk how some people can misinterpret a novel's point this bad but I wish they'd stop talking about it as if they're facts

yeah idk the average user on that blog appears to be reading entirely different novels and you go in the notes and people are nodding sagely as if the posts make sense. like if the actual text of the novel disagrees with you i think you're just wrong lol.

and yeah they . . . pretty much have already guessed it isn't shen jiu anyways. like they don't know who it IS, or what exactly the truth of the situation is, because the system and such are out of their scope of knowledge, but they're quite confident in running theories like "qi deviation-induced amnesia and personality change," so they don't consider him the same guy anyways. they were actively shocked it WASN'T possession (though the possession theory is kind of correct. lol). it's also so weird to think that cqms would (for lack of nicer terms) give a fuck at all if sy DID maliciously possess sj. in the original timeline it's made pretty clear no one comes to sj's defense except yqy, because sj specifically desires that outcome. sj isn't some helpless baby at the whims of everyone around him - he specifically and intentionally seeks to ruin his own life and the lives of everyone around him, or at the very least make them as miserable around him as possible. thus, no one else likes or misses him at all, and in fact every peak lord at that meeting was jumping for joy that they got Other Guy instead of sj, which is a contributing factor to why they just decide to simply not call him out on it.

i also think (says guy who posts about svsss 3 times a day) people are like. taking it too serious. you're not supposed to be seriously considering lines of thought like that because svsss is a transmigration parody novel of xianxia power fantasies - whatever exists in the background exists purely to support the world of this satire. and while that certainly is a fun topic for meta - i enjoy reading posts like that! - it becomes irritating when the meta is framed as if somehow you are in the wrong for enjoying a novel the way it was intended to be enjoyed by the author, and that the only True way to enjoy it is through enlightened meta-contextual analysis that assumes all the characters are actually different people.

someone on that blog was like "why doesn't svsss expand on the lore and fights and characters!!!" because they don't matter to the story my friend. not every novel is lord of the rings. this is xianxia transmigration parody novel my friend. just read . . . an actual stallion novel. actually really do that because then you'll form a connection with sy because these things are written SO bad and then you'll understand him LMFAO

[nico-esoterica]

More about celeb sps!

"But what about the millions of other people manifesting them?" 🤔⭐

There's the perspective that they've successfully manifested them in their personal realities, but I'm an elitist. In every other reality, I believe I am the only person my man would ever want to be with, consider, or fathom as a partner. I am the best of the best. I am the only person to ever exist in his world he'd want to be with intimately. I don't care who he's been with. I'm the best lover, best romantic partner, most attractive person to exist in their world. I am always infinitely better. I am what dreams are made of. Billions of the most attractive and good men in the world would kill irl to be with me or even be in the same room with me. Women and other identities too!~

This is how you need to think. If you think anyone's manifesting them? No, they're not lol. Because they'd never do it successfully or have the confidence and conviction to maintain it. They're also not you. And they're weak bitches! I said what I said. I've never thought small in my entire life and I have unwavering confidence, self discipline, and belief in myself. I am self-obsessed and radiate power, magnetism, and sex appeal. I'm also the most beautiful person I've ever personally come across, alive or dead. In a room full of the most conventionally beautiful people, my sp would only have eyes for me. Even in an industry full of surgical beauties! Idgaf! Even if I wasn't gorgeous, my sp would still think I was! Now, let's discuss stalkers and other criminals and what makes you different:

You're always winning in your reality, even if that winning is you losing, lol. You're winning in the assumption that you can't have what you want or who you want. That's winning but just not in your favor.

Even if millions of people are casting love spells or manifesting your person, they will always fail because you've rendered them ineffective in your reality. Also, AGAIN, you are YOU! Someone can only 'take' your sp if you THINK it's possible that they can be taken! That's why you need to STAND THE FUCK UP! Would you wanna be with you? I would wanna be with me! My sp is LUCKY that I even give a fuck the way I do lmao! I also personally believe whoever you're manifesting is manifesting YOU back! That's how manifesting people works objectively if you look at stories of couples who've described how it feels on both ends.

I don't consider stalking to be something celebs want but may be what they expect due to their job and not thinking they're in control of their realities, etc. I also put obsessive fans in that category because their emotional investment makes them money lol. But as a celeb who wants to be genuinely loved as a human being, I do believe they're manifesting the right person for them and that spectrum of possibility will involve someone that's potentially a fan or was one due to the magnitude of their fame. But this person would truly love and appreciate them. That's the difference. When Hailey Bieber and Victoria Beckham were manifesting their men as fans, they wound up in healthy and happy relationships with them. Thriving, tbh.

But the typical 'fan' is usually someone with piss poor self esteem, puts their fave on a pedestal, and may think they have to force themselves on their fave to 'get them to like them' when that's just abuse and assault. That's due to poor self concept and probably due to having an unhealthy relationship with them bc of social alienation from Capitalism, untreated/misdiagnosed neurodivergence because of lack of money and access to quality healthcare, and a combination of factors where their fave is the only 'good' experience in their lives. You're always telling yourself a story. With your sp, celeb or not, it's the same thing.

These people don't believe that they can successfully 'be' with their fave without breaking the law or bypassing personal boundaries and that lack of self belief is because of bad self concept and personal self esteem. They don't think they would ever choose them without them needing to force it to happen. When you're manifesting like Hailey, Victoria, etc, you're putting yourself on the pedestal instead. You're believing that there's no way in hell that celeb sp WON'T want you for just existing. I don't know those women personally but it takes audacity and that audaciousness is a result of a strong self concept about themselves and what they're capable of. But it doesn't have to be all that.

You don't even have to like yourself to manifest a celeb sp, but most people don't tell themselves that they can just exist and the sp will find them and fall in love with them.

That's the difference between a stalker, saesang, and toxic person vs another person manifesting them. You'd think there's overlap but there's a distinct difference in mindset. You don't need to be in creepy group chats full of criminals exchanging stolen personal info or do any weird shit but people do most likely because that's the only way they think they'll get access to their sp. They're still insecure, lol.

That's why people commit crimes anyway and is the way our system is set up. They're still manifesting that fraudulent access but they rarely, if ever, land the full blown relationship where their sp wants them back. Their sp not wanting them back despite all the weird shit (bc people irl DO have relationships w/ toxic people) is proof that they DON'T think or believe this person wants them. Otherwise they'd think it was cute or something because they'd see them as the one and only exception. That rarely happens with celebs, even though I'm sure it does, but that not being the norm means those people manifesting celeb sps simply don't think they can do it deep down.

That's why you're one out of millions or a billion, honestly. Even if someone seems very confident, unless they have consistent commitment to their inner story like con artist Anna Delvey, for example, then they won't be successful.

Because that's all it takes with anything, sp or not. It's the story you're telling yourself. It doesn't have to feel real. You just need to not change it.

Like I said, the other girls are weak bitches. It just is what it is.

[kranagok0]

Hilda, The horror in The woods

Are you ready for more of Hilda and her friends being the Jujutsu Kaisen?…

A shame, because I'm still doing Astrid's abilities and I just discovered that there was already someone else with that idea of Hilda and Jujutsu Kaisen before me, so I'm trying to improve some aspects of the characters. Leaving that aside, something occurred to me regarding an image I found on my Facebook.

The story is about Hilda, obviously, and her life in the cabin with her mother. The thing here is about living only with his mother, his aunt Astrid and his father (Who rarely visited, if not almost never). The lack of social interaction did not stop Hilda from learning to speak correctly, but it did stop her from communicating like any other normal child.

Such a wild and solitary life (in addition to her family, but they did not often go with her on her adventures) made little Hilda grow up with a somewhat… Unstable mentality.

You see, Hilda didn't understand what was normal for someone her age, neither did Johana (let's give credit to Aunt Astrid for erasing memories as if it were something that could be formatted as if it were nothing) and why Anders and Astrid didn't visit very often. Hilda began to develop somewhat strange and grotesque tastes.

It all started a few weeks of meeting her best friend Twig, that little Deer-fox and his way of acting were also a key factor in Hilda's growth.

Hilda had gotten lost (all because of a sudden storm that no one could have predicted) and was swept beyond the stone circle. She didn't know where she was, but she was still grateful to have her best friend Twig with her.

The days passed and Hilda was hungry. He had survived for a while on the provisions his mother had given him and also some berries he found along the way. Despite that, the girl was still hungry. It was then that he asked his friend Twig to eat something, she was hungry and wanted some too. Hilda let out a scream of horror when she saw what her friend was chewing.

Twig had wild instincts and too much energy for a small fawn (more or less I call it that because… What do you call a baby fox deer?) of his age, making him more prone to attack other small animals. to eat them. At first this scared Hilda, but as the days went by, and with the little plant-based food that was around, she began to adapt to her friend's behavior. He even started to want to try some of that meat that Twig also ate.

Being so curious about Twig's strange dynamic, Hilda tried to do the same as her little friend.

Hilda's curiosity turned into something a little more obsessive and bizarre, to the point of wanting to try what her friend was nibbling on day after day. Hilda had never tasted the meat of… Nothing. She literally only ate plant-based things and nothing else, or not as far as her little 6-year-old mind could understand. That's why when he tasted the meat of that little dying rabbit he never thought it would taste so horrible. It felt strange to chew the rabbit's leg and even more so with all that dirty fur from the chase.

Still, Hilda took another bite.

and then another

And one more

One more

And more

Further

Much more

At some point Twig stepped aside and let Hilda eat the rest of the rabbit for herself. After all, she was like his older sister. He was the alpha.

And when the alpha is hungry he must hunt.

At first they couldn't even catch a single fish out of the water, much less any hare or rabbit they encountered on their way home. Over time he continued to learn from his friend and the other animals, trying to imitate their movements and predict what they were going to do. The problem was that Hilda's body was not that of a wild animal, she could understand the movement of muscles and tendons inside her friend Twig's skin, the movement of fish, the jumps of rabbits, she could even predict when a feather would fall off a bird and how many flaps of its wings would it take… But I couldn't imitate those movements, because Hilda was human.

Fortunately everything has a solution. She just had to move like a human. Like a human hunter. Luckily he had his good friend Woodman to tell him everything he needed to know about human hunters.

Woodman was someone who didn't care what other people did. However, even he knew that what Hilda was doing was too scary and morbid to tell her what to do. He was not going to risk that one day she would use those methods against him, so he gave her some fairy tales where there were harmless hunters, like Snow White and the Dwarves, or Little Red Riding Hood, he even gave her one where there were like 7 little lambs and a mother goat (to be honest, Woodman only had those stories because he could take them and run with them. He really wasn't interested in reading all the content)

While Woodman thought the books would calm Hilda down a bit about the whole hunting, skinning, and eating of woodland animals, Hilda saw a pattern in each story: An axe.

'so human hunters use axes. Excellent'

Hilda, in some way that I still can't figure out, got an axe. It was heavy, but it served its purpose. Hilda already wanted to develop her hunting skills like a true human hunter.

His first prey: a red wolf.

Surprisingly, the attack was fast and accurate, the wolf could never have seen a girl coming with a large ax from the top of the trees… The wolf's back was destroyed as Hilda used the blunt part. It was his first time using an axe, not knowing how to handle it correctly caused him to hit with the wrong side. Still, it was enough to immobilize the wolf.

The wolf still tried to defend himself, despite having his spine shattered, his adrenaline did not go down a bit. The wolf, still with its front legs at its disposal, crawled up to bite Hilda.

It didn't take long for Hilda to counterattack and hit the wolf several times in its skull. The sounds reasoned throughout the grove and spots splashed back and forth with each impact of the ax on the wolf's head.

After a while Hilda had managed to make the wolf unrecognizable: Its skull was sunken, fragments of the bones protruded from that amorphous mass that was previously the skin and muscle of the beast, not to mention how the poor man's eyes were left animal.

Like any good hunter, Hilda takes a part of the wolf and feeds, chewing and swallowing like any wild animal would… Still, she uses cutlery as her mother had always told her (manners are something essential in life, a one of the few things that Johana remembered and that were not erased like memories. At least Astrid didn't format everything)

When Hilda was 11 years old she had extensive experience hunting all kinds of creatures: rabbits, moles, hares, foxes (it was a difficult subject for her and Twig, but in the end they didn't give it much thought and they ate it), turtles, fish of all kinds, insects, deer (oddly enough there was no problem with Twig at that point), and many more creatures. The only ones Hilda didn't eat were those who seemed to have some intellect, she liked to converse as much as she could with others. I felt this need to share this information whether the person in question wanted to or not.

Hilda achieved a lot at her young age. I even developed somewhat disturbing techniques that other children (and even adults) could never achieve.

Hilda has never hunted beings with any intelligence…. But, if the opportunity arises, perhaps she could consider it.

It should be noted that Hilda is mentally unstable due to the situations she has had to face alone every time she went on adventures with Twig. There were times when he almost died from bleeding, severe bruises and even poisoning. Hilda has survived all that and more at her young age, and with it she has developed a need to learn about everything that surrounds her. Stalking, watching, observing, hunting.

~~

And that's it, because I don't have anything else. I just wanted to do this to get it out of my head.

Thinking of Hilda as something more than a good, kind and empathetic girl is something I wanted to investigate because it is impossible for someone to be like that if she only lives with her mother in the middle of a mess in the middle of nowhere. Some kind of mental illness had to have arisen at that point in his life, especially when he was always going on dangerous adventures where literally any dangerous animal could jump out of a bush and take his life.

I liked thinking that Hilda could defend herself if something like this happened. And then I found that image; a psychotic Hilda, full of blood and with mental stability quite out of place. Thinking about how his actions are reflected by his changing and unstable emotional state was something that inspired me to write all this, partly because I was also curious to know what you guys thought.

I would like to hear your comments, or in this case read them. Seriously, I would like to know if they also thought at some point that Hilda would have a seinen mode or if they enjoy a less bloody and violent version of the blue-haired girl more.

Well, we're running out of paragraphs, so I'll say goodbye. See you later

[starheirxero]

NEXUS AND MOON FINALLY MET!! :D And Ruin is being the cryptic freak he is/affectionate <3

I wanted to point out something really interesting to me-

The last two days of episodes mention a few rather interesting things! Specifically character motivations!

Though subtle, there are lines that tell us a lot about the characters' thought processes, and it really jumped out to me!

In "Lunar gets kicked out", Moon mentions why he wants Lunar to live with them. He feels responsible for them.

Though it seems obvious once you think about it, it tells us not just a lot about Moon and his relationship to Lunar, but Lunar's relationship with Nexus as well.

Moon has a guilty conscience, often thinking of himself as the cause of the problem. This has been a problem for a long time, even prior to his death.

Though he's been incredibly casual, his actions still lay heavy on him, though he has trouble expressing it.

Lunar came from his head. This is where his code developed.

Moon naturally feels responsible for them! Another factor of this could also be his knowledge of being stuck in someone's head.

Its also interesting to note, that Lunar didn't correct or reassure him, instead being upset at the wording! This could mean, that Lunar does feel hurt and left behind, which makes sense!

After all, they died, and when they came back, their big brother was just…gone, sacrificing himself for someone who, in Lunar's eyes, caused much more harm than good.

It actually tells us a lot about their relationship with Nexus as well!!

Nexus knows, where Lunar comes from, and feels the same level of responsibility. He likely felt guilty about Moon's departure as well!

I'm not sure when this happened, but I know Nexus once said, Moon wouldn't have cared about Lunar's death.

This was, of course, his own resentment speaking, but it explains his protectiveness, which was turned up a notch when it came to Lunar!

He's trying to make it up to them.

Lunar's point of view is a whole cane of worms itself- It's been something I've been thinking about for a long time, though I never found the right words for it!

They obviously love Nexus, that much is clear. But they seemed rather avoident of him. It's much different from their relationship with Earth and Sun.

Lunar is a selfish person. They try not to be, and try their best to be empathetic, something they tend to struggle with.

Despite this though, this part of them sometimes peeks through. That's not a bad thing, of course, it makes their character human, and honestly really fun!

Point is, this especially happens around Nexus.

A good example being the Dazzle episodes with those two.

Lunar is a lot more demanding towards him in them, and their little moments of the "sibling dynamic", seem rather tense, much different from the joking atmosphere they usually have around their other siblings. Nexus seems genuinely hurt by Lunar's lack of interest, not even bothering with a simple thank you.

And honesty? It makes sense.

Lunar's perspective on the situation is honestly so fascinating to me!

The tension started, when Eclipse came back.

However, even though they were angry at being babied, something that makes a lot more sense now with Nexus' guilt involved, that wasn't what set them off.

Instead, it started going down hill once Nexus made a deal with Eclipse, and thought of letting him live.

Because Moon had seen everything.

He has seen the dents marking his own metal, inflicted upon him by Eclipse to hurt Lunar.

He knows about Lunar's fear and discomfort, when it comes to Sun's glow feature.

He heared Lunar's thoughts, his doubts, once mentioning, that Lunar can't exactly hide things from him.

Hell, it's been established, that Lunar could see Moon's memories, so theres a likelyhood of the reverse being possible as well.

Moon even brought them to Solar's dimension, for the sake of closure, knowing their time with Eclipse was still eating them up inside.

He should know the pain inflicted on them. Yet he doesn't, because this isn't Moon.

This is Nexus. A replacement. A new person, wearing their brother's face and pretending to be him.

This isn't their older brother anymore. This isn't the guy, who they ran to, when they couldn't take the abuse anymore.

This isn't the person, that took them in. This isn't the brother, that gave them a home. He's not the one, that tried to encourage their interests, or scolded Sun when he accidentally made them cry.

No, this brother is long gone, sacrificing himself for a killcode who hasn't brought anything but misery.

Because Lunar doesn't know about KC's change of heart, or his regret.

In Lunar's eyes, Killcode is nothing but the monster, that caused psychological warfare to his brother, and forced them out of Moon's head.

Of course, there's going to be resentment towards Moon.

"Why would you leave me behind, and at the mercy of my personal demon, for someone who caused us harm?"

And naturally, this resentment would fall upon Nexus as well.

But it only really started to rear its ugly head, when he spared Eclipse.

Because this is the painful moment, that truly paints Nexus a different person.

A replacement, a stranger in a loved ones body.

A reminder of what they lost.

And they know, they are in the wrong.

They know the moment, that they acknowledge Eclipse's death, caused by their own hands, was a mistake.

But they are selfish. They are selfish, and they cannot help but put themself first. They cannot help, but put their own feelings first.

Holy shit, I did not expect to write a whole paragraph-

I needed to get this out of my system though- Lunar is like an insect to me, affectionately! I need to study them under a microscope-

That being said, this also plays into Nexus' development!

In "Moon and Nexus meet", Nexus says some pretty interesting things, mentioning, that Dark Sun is the only one who enjoys what he makes, the only one, who let's him do what he wants to.

This tells us, that Nexus truly did feel like a replacement for Moon.

He felt like he needed to be someone else, pretend to be something he's not.

He needed to be Lunar and Sun's lost brother. He needed to be Earth's reliable, big brother, when, technically, he existed last.

There were too many expectations on him, both from the people around him, and also himself. He likely built up a lot of resentment as well, and now he's letting it all flow out. A bit of this resentment could be heared, when Lunar did not give him that single thank you.

There's definitely more in play here, but I think, this has been eating him up for a long time, long before Solar died. However, Solar's death made him realize, that he can't be Moon, no matter, how hard he tries.

Nexus never truly had an identity of his own, instead being pushed into someone else's.

And of course, there's Eclipse. It always comes around to him, it seems-

I think, the last two MGAFS episodes give us quite the insight into his moral code.

And interestingly enough, it's incredibly similar to Ruin's!

If it's for the greater good, it doesn't matter, who gets hurt.

It doesn't matter, if FC is in pain and relives a traumatic experience, as long as the havoc wrecking ghost gets destroyed.

It doesn't matter, if Puppet has to die, if it means, keeping the multiverse alive.

It doesn't matter, who I hurt, because the star can do anything, and I will create an utopia.

It's such an interesting, morally grey point of view!!

-Stardust

YEYAYEYSYWYESYES!!!!!!!!! I GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN ACTUALLY I'VE BEEN PICKING UP ON THAT TOO

AND YOUR WHOLE RAMBLE ABOUT LUNAR N MOON N NEXUS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE PRODUCTION ADDITIONS I'M JUST NODDING SO FURIOUSLY!!!!! I had almost totally forgot about the whole "not even a thank you" with Lunar and Nexus and now that you've reminded me of it, I realize just how long this has been building up for!!!!

It's so many layers of sad to me too because neither of them are necessarily in the wrong. Lunar was mourning where Moon used to stand and Nexus was trying to be someone he literally couldn't be and it just... clashed. No way around it.

And yesyes like u said with Lunar and Moon too!! There's a lotta unaddressed bitterness from the fact Lunar woke up after death and Moon had just up and died to someone Lunar still thought of as a Pretty Shitty Guy!!! And even just unaddressed stuff from before they died, it's just. a lot.

There's so much turmoil between the lunar models and its just awuagahgh it fucks me UP.

And Eclipse's morals yesyesyes!!! They are awfully Ruin-like aren't they?!?!! I wonder if that's something to do with them both being eclipsed models or if it's something with how they were both brought up or if maybe Eclipse's are so Ruin-like now bc that's who made him or whatever yk..... Exactly like u said it's such a fascinating case of grey morality wohoo!!!!! ^_^

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I don't want to contribute to paying for furniture for the house?

1/3/2024, Names changed. Sorry, this is a little long.

I (26) live with three roommates: Kay (22) who is my sister, Sam (22) who is Kay's high school sweetheart and fiancé, and Andy (25) who is Kay and Sam's best friend. All of us are autistic, queer, and neurodivergent in some way or another.

Background info; Kay, Sam, and Andy had had plans to move in together for several years with Andy moving cross country to do so. Kay and I both moved out of our parents house within a month of each other in Summer 2022, with Kay and Sam moving in together, and me moving into an apartment by myself. Early 2023 due to issues with my apartment and landlord and being unable/unwilling to stay there past my lease when it was up in six months, with some encouragement from our mother Kay asked if I wanted to move in with the three of them because Kay and Sam's lease was up around the same time mine was and they were already planning on getting a bigger place to live with Andy when he got here. Due to the aforementioned apartment troubles and having a hard time mentally living alone for the first time, I accepted. We found a small house and the four of us moved in Summer 2023.

Now we've butted heads a good bit the last couple months (especially me and Andy because we had barely known each other before moving in together and we have very different personalities), including a few very loud fights, but we have thus far managed to eventually talk it out and work it out and kept things mostly under control. I admit, there have been times where I was definitely the asshole in situations, but I've acknowledged that, apologized, and tried to improve my behavior since then. Anyway, this ask isn't about all those times.

A lot of my issues in the household stem from my depression and lack of motivation to get things done. A big contributing factor to that is that I am painfully aware I wasn't part of their original plan, and that leads to me not feeling wanted as part of this house. The three of them often do things without me like playing D&D, and hanging out/going fun places without me, while things I want to do with all of them just kinda never happens, like playing a video game or board game with one of them, or going out somewhere fun I want to go. Some of me not being included is completely justified like Kay and Sam's date nights, and some things while they do still sting a bit to be excluded from make sense why (like their D&D games that can get very NSFW, and I'm a sex-repulsed asexual. also being Kay's sister would make it extremely awkward regardless of my sexuality. I only found out about the NSFW nature of their games two weeks ago though), but certain things it doesn't feel like as good a reason for me to not be included or it's not actually communicated to me why I'm not invited to be part of something.

A REALLY big thing that contributed to these feelings I have was the day we got the keys to our house, as Kay and Andy were showing it to me, Kay told me "Just so you know, this isn't permanent. You're going to get your own place again eventually" with a soft deadline of two years because that's when another of their friends graduates college and might need a place to stay after. Over the last few months we have had several conversations about my feelings of being unwanted and Kay has apologized saying that what she meant that day came out wrong. What she meant by that statement was they all want to help me become more independent so that I will be able to move out and live on my own again one day when I'm ready since the first time didn't go so well. They were not/are not planning to kick me out, and the other friend moving in is just an idea that may not even come to fruition anyway. Even if it was partially a misunderstanding and there is no set time I need to be out of the house by, knowing that there is an end in sight has made it much harder for me to settle in because I don't feel like I can get settled since I'll just have to leave again at some point anyway even if that time is literal years away. Sorry if that doesn't make sense but that's the best way I can phrase it.

With all that background out of the way, I'll get back on track now. Kay and Andy have spent months planning on how to decorate the house and want to make the whole first floor (kitchen, living room, and shared craft space in the front room) themed like a medieval tavern. I haven't been able to give much input on how the house gets decorated outside of my own room. I've been trying to at least make my bedroom feel more homey since it's where I spend a lot of my time, but the common areas are much harder for me to feel comfortable and like I belong in because I don't have much control/input in how they will look. Which again, I know I'm not going to be here super long term, so it makes sense but it still sucks.

Now onto the actual situation here. There is a dining table set that Kay and Andy picked out that costs over $400 that Kay said on 12/25 she wants us all four to pitch in to get for the household for her birthday in a couple months. I am hesitant to contribute to this set, because I am not going to live with them forever. Obviously I pay my part to the household. I pay my fair share of rent, utilities, and food (though I will often make mini grocery runs throughout the week and I rarely if ever ask for money I spent back because I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them). I have already contributed towards furniture for the house but that is either things that are explicitly and exclusively mine despite household use (a tv stand I already had, a bookshelf I bought to display my things) and will come with me when I move out, or something that was a gift for someone else but still not ridiculously expensive (a $40 secondhand curio cabinet the rest of us got for Kay as an early Christmas present and various other small decorations for around the house).

There was another interaction today that has me a little upset. We've been thinking of getting a second TV for the living room so we can play online co-op games together. Who pays for the TV, determines who gets to keep the new one and who takes the old one when I leave. If the three of them want to keep the new TV, they're going to split the cost and I get the old one, however if I want the new TV I will have to pay for the whole thing myself. 1 person vs 3 people paying for something just feels unfair to me.

But the dining set feels different because it's a lot of money and I won't get to take any part of it with me when I eventually leave. With the TV I'd at least get to keep it. I feel guilty about not wanting to help pay for it, especially because Kay has said she wants it as a birthday gift, but if it almost feels like I'm just buying furniture for someone else's house. Honestly, I'll probably end up sucking it up and contributing anyway because I really don't like confrontation and tend to keep my feelings to myself anyway, but I just want to know other people's opinion on the situation.

Money has been a growing issue for me lately. I'm the only one with a stable, salaried job (barely pays above minimum wage though so it's not like I'm rolling funds), while Kay and Sam are hourly and Andy is between jobs right now. Like I said, I feel awkward about asking for money from any of them. Honestly I don't mind paying a little extra here and there to help out since I'm not much help with the cooking and cleaning, but the amount I have been contributing with no compensation has been eating away at my savings the last few months and I've been keeping silent about it because I don't want to make them feel guilty about it and make it awkward.

TLDR; I'm insecure and have trouble feeling wanted around by my roommates, and am expected to eventually move out. WIBTA if I don't want to help buy a dining set for the household because I won't get to take any part of it with me when I move out?

PS- If it's not too much trouble, could you please tag @aita-roommates-furniture so I am notified when this gets posted? Tumblr won't let me submit asks from a sideblog. If not, no worries! I'll just keep an eye out for it

What are these acronyms?

[hello-nichya-here]

I have a question that might be offensive, and I'm sorry in advance for any hurt it may cause. I've been trying to search for an answer online for a while but I'm not able to find a proper one, and hoped you could help me.

From what I have gathered, autistic people do not wish for there to be a cure for autism, which I understand because well, it would change your brain and the way you view the world. Some even insist it cannot exist (which I'm not so sure about but whatever). My main question is, there are thousands of people out there who are affected by some kinds of ASD so severe that they can never lead a proper life, will never mentally develop beyond a child, and often have to live through agonizing pain and overstimulation. When it comes to these cases, would they not prefer a cure? So wouldn't it be more ethical for a cure to exist, but taking the cure not be compulsory? Those people are obviously not on social media, so their voices go unheard. But wouldn't they and their loved ones not want them to be in pain?

Thanks in advance.

First off, here's why a "cure" is indeed impossible: autism is a neurotype, not a disease. It's not the brain or any organ/system doing something it shouldn't or being damaged by some internal and/or external factor. An autistic brain functions DIFFERENTLY, not DEFECTIVELY, though obviously there is a variety of ways in which it manifests, and it is very rare for an autistic person to be ONLY autistic, there's often one, or more, conditions affecting them at the same time (anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, OCD, etc). It is also likely a result of multiple cromossomes working in atypical ways (unlike with Down Syndrome, which is a result of cromossome 21 and ONLY 21 working differently) - and we still don't know which ones, or even how many said cromossomes are.

What does all of that mean for a cure? It means that:

1 - To make an autistic person non-autistic it'd need to be possible to discover it when they're still a fetus and somehow force their brain and entire nervous system to form differently - both things modern science can't do and that we're not sure will EVER be possible.

2 - It is very likely that even if a cure is possible, it will NOT be a one-size-fits-all kind of deal, and it will work on some cases and be useless in others.

So it is already a far, far, FAR more complicated deal than just "If we put enough money, time and effort into it, we can find a cure." Part of the reason why many autistic people are sick of nearly every fucking charity about autism being focused on a cure is because, instead of that money going directly to us or to our caretakers (be it family or any form of hospice/home) and having a very real positive effective, that money goes into searching for a something that might genuinely not be biologically possible.

This is sadly the common history for nearly every group under the large umbrella of Disabled People. Sign Language was discouraged and even made ILLEGAL in some countries long before there were was a reliable, safe way to allow deaf people to hear. There are THOUSANDS of horror stories about people with any form of paralysis or mobility issues being just let root and die in their beds, even after all kinds of mobility aids were invented because "it's a burden to the caretakers" and a "miserable life to live anyway." A disabled athlete in Canada has recently complained about lack of accessibility and was offered EUTHANASIA as a solution because God forbid someone has to build a ramp.

The sad reality is that many non-disabled people are only interested in helping us if the help is guaranteed to make us 100% "normal." If it will gives us a decent, and sometimes fully/mostly independent life, but not make us able-bodied/neurotypical it is NEVER considerd "good enough", and is often talked about as a "set-back for the cure." Giving us ways to communicate our needs, find emotional support, employment, or at the very least multiple sources of aid that will allow our families to not be on "caretaker mode" 24/7 and to not fear what might happen to us once they pass away is considered A SET BACK. Because we're not "cured", but are also not dead.

They're focused on trying to "solve the mystery that will totally lead us to the cure IN THE FUTURE", but never on hearing our VERY basic requests for stuff that would greately improve our lives NOW - Autism Speaks, the largest autism "charity" (hate-group that literally uses "therapy" created by nazis to "help" us) literally popularized the myths that we don't know ANYTHING about autism, how it happens or how to help people with it, and making the "official autism symbol" be a fucking puzzle piece.

The "finding a cure is more important than anything" narrative talks over the needs of EVERY autistic person in existence, including the ones that cannot express their opinion or understand their own condition enough to HAVE an opinon, and yes, including the ones that actively WANT to be "cured."

And speaking of people who do genuinely want to be "cured" of their autism: it is extremely naive of you to think there's any change a cure wouldn't be made mandatory if it existed, and that the choice would be left to the individual, or even to a parent/caretaker on the more "extreme" cases.

Like I said before, things like Sign Language were made ILLEGAL in many countries for the crime of helping disabled have a better life without curing them. We still have cases of doctors operating deaf babies/toddlers without the parents consent. Wheelchair users constantly complain that people just randomly decide to "help" them by pushing their chair towards where they assume the person wants to go, without saying a word to them, without letting them change direction and sometimes even being careless enough to fuck up the chair.

Disabled people CONSTANTLY get called stupid or selfish for not opting for long, expensive treatments that will often only TEMPORARELY make them abled-bodied because being "normal/not a burden" should be more important than anything, including the completely unnecessary and often brutal emotional turmoil of getting used to a "normal" life just go then have to get used to being disabled again. And yes, autistic peoplel, from the completely indepent ones to the ones that need constant care, who have said they would NEVER take a cure for it if one existed, ALREADY get condescending, and sometimes openly hateful, comments about it all day, every day, everywhere. For saying we don't want to take the IMAGINARY pill that can "fix" us.

Our lives are already considered lesser, our opinions are already disregarded, and our bodily autonomy is already denied constantly (see the more "harmless" things like people that think it's funny to force hugs and kisses on those of us who hate most physical contact, to doctors that have injured or KILLED us through unnecessary, often violent means of restraining us during meltdowns). If a cure existed, we'd be straight up forced, or at least constantly pressured, to take it. There's a reason WE are the only ones discussing how unethical it'd be to force us to be "cured", while most neurptypicals have not even heard of that objection, and half would get mad at us for being "ungrateful" - after all, they spent so much time, money and effort on this thing (that we've been rejecting from day one), we can't just refuse it like that!

I know you probably mean well, anon, but the sad reality is that nearly every talk of "curing" autism (and almost anything that is considered a disability) is often rooted on nothing but society's very open disgust and disdain towards our very existence, not a genuine desire to make sure we're safe and happy - and as you can imagine, we're mad that we constantly have to justify our right to be alive and actually listened to, not spoken over by people who are "trying to help" by telling us to shut up and be glad that they're trying to make us "normal."

[ootah-canadiensis]

STRIIIIIDERRRRR!

I wanted to see how I would interpret the very... very strange anatomy of the Strider. And let me tell you, I had a very tough time figuring out the damned thing.

First of all, You might notice a huge lack of the carapace that covers the Strider's legs and main body, that is because I've figured that the exoskeleton is largely artificial as the other synths seem to have it (with exception of the Hunter,) and that inclined me to believe that the Strider didn't naturally have it, and without it It would largely be that dark green musculature, which of course any living thing would have some form of skin and not exposed muscle. Another point towards the carapace being artificial is how it segments, appears to have bolts and of course, the ventilation on it's back. All of these factors would lead a pretty clear image that the synths originally had other forms of covering, with maybe some exception of the Dropship.

And of course, the mouth and "hand." The mouth is where the particle cannon of the Strider was, as it appears there are vestigial compound eyes next to it, and following the evolutionary advantage of the eyes being close to the mouth, as to know what you're eating... It only makes sense to put the mouth there. One thing that I also noticed in the HL:A model for the strider is that a small piece of musculature seems to "wrap around" where the particle cannon is, which I think might be some form of lip structure?

Next down the line on the head region are the bolts downwards of the giant "bolts" grafted onto the side of the neck, which I believe cover where the ears might've been? In my sketch you can see two frog-like tympanic tissues there. Since the Strider naturally is pretty fuckin' tall, it probably wouldn't need extensive protection for the ears (and also because it was easier for me to draw.)

And the next is... The hanging sack of meat that is the Warp Cannon. God, that was just so challenging to try and rationalise how and why a creature would even have something like it. And yet rationalise I did, as I made it where it is able to grasp things and function as a hand or arm, which inside of it is also it's reproductive organs which are more often than not sealed away like a cloaca or something.

Lastly, the feet of the Strider. I wanted to make sure that it's rounded end was still noticeable, while also resembling like an actual functioning foot. Which I ended up with a soft foot with 5 toes arranged in a star pattern. I had to add that in because it wasn't very clear on my sketch of the foot. I also ended up adding those hairs as sensitive whiskers.

And now for my own personal interpretations for its behaviour pre-combine (as if EVERYTHING wasn't my own personal interpretation beforehand)

In HL:A, you can hear "speech" from the Striders. That is something that caught my attention, and I think that might suggest that the Striders were also just as intelligent as us, just in their own way. As for their culture and society... I'm not sure, if someone wanted to use this as a base for something, be my guest :) At minimum their intelligence could be compared to something like an elephant.

And their feeding habits I imagine are a lot like sauropods of earth, using their rake-like teeth to strip off food such as branches or whatever their native flora might've been like. And speaking of their immense height to reach those glorious foods that most other animals can't get too...

They must have been on a planet with lower gravity, I mean just listen to their walking sounds in-game. Do your legs make creaking sounds just by walking? Their legs are clearly under stress from holding up their weight on Earth's gravity, and because of their new-found body's composition of being made of Combine stuff, their legs won't break! But if you were to place a pre-combine Strider on earth, their legs would- should shatter from their immense scale.

And their ears, I think that the Striders largely communicated through infrasound, largely making noises below our range of hearing which they would have naturally heard with their two sets of ears. With exception from the infrasonic communication being that of the deafening howls and "craggles" as I like to call them. And for their sound design in Half-Life: Alyx? I think those may be sounds that are generated from some kind of Combine tech. Not sure, though.

And I believe that is all I have to say, it was delightful trying to figure out just how the Striders probably would've functioned before the combine came along and mutilated them. And it was so incredibly hard not to have the Strider's warp cannon not be exactly what it looks like. If anything was hard to understand, I apologise since I wrote this all in one sitting and didn't have the time or patience to read it over. This will probably be my last Half-Life post like this unless I still have other ideas for how a lot of the aliens of this lovely franchise live beyond being an obstacle for Gordon to bash with a crowbar

[monsieuroverlord]

My honest reaction to this week's comics:

Spoilers Under the Cut:

Wolverine #50:

FREEDOM!

The ending wrapped up a little too neat, much like X-Force did.

Basically, before the battle against Graydon could even comence, Sabretooth got him first with a lethal blow.

I was kind of expecting a bit of a fight, but okay.

Also, Logan's a godddamn hypocrite:

How much have the writers just kind of glossed over? I'm guessing they've never read Remender's X-Force at minimum.

Like, Logan acting like killing your own son is inconceivable? It would've made more sense for Logan to harp on his angst regarding his own son here.

Sabretooth lures Logan to the heart of former Krakoa to be captured by the residue pit, but it just ripped his armor off.

But the side purpose of the armor is to reactivate his healing factor (because fuck it, of course it is).

The X-Force crew subdues Sabretooth, but Logan faces him one-on-one, and hacks him to bits as revenge.

This panel was actually a cool visual (artist did amazing):

With Akihiro front and center :(

And also Logan realizes (once again) that he's happier with "family" -- both found and blood family.

Laura doesn't get to react to her brother's death.

Phoebe turns off the Quire-head device (but we already know he's going to be resurrected anyway)

No Beaubier twin cameos.

Even Logan's man-pain is absolutely glossed over. Weirdly, he's not hating himself enough for a man who just lost his beloved son.

(I thought we were pretending that everything was fixed off-panel and he loves his son)

(The only other Akihiro cameo in this book. At least he doesn't have a beer this time)

Like, I know denial is a stage of grief, and its not unheard of to compartmentalize things, but we could still have had a moment where Logan just ~breaks~ at the end, you know? Like it all comes flooding in after the war is over and won.

I'm sorry, the ending was weirdly too hopeful for my tastes. It comes across as very shallow to me.

In general, I think the writing between Akihiro and Logan just lacks a lot of depth.

The most we've gotten from this writer is a brief mention or small moment here or there -- for example Jeff Bannister had mentioned once that Logan told him about Itsu during one of their hang-out sessions (from the Wolverine ongoing). Or Logan conisistently referring to Akihiro as "my son" with a more positive connotation.

There's just no real depth being built between Logan and Aki -- not even in monologue form. No reflection on how his son has grown and changed, become a hero, no thoughts on Itsu -- there used to be a time when Logan couldn't even look at his son without thinking about Itsu.

Its not like Akihiro was a product of a one-night stand -- he was originally a WANTED child. Logan not only married Itsu, but also knew he was gonna be a father before all that shit went down.

I'm just not seeing the expected reactions of man who was granted the opportunity to reconnect with his long-lost child in a relatively healthier format, only to lose him AGAIN. After implied healing progress was finally made. AND in a BRUTAL fashion -- that alone should be tramatizing.

Just in general, the writing style is great for a comic book format, but also, I think a lot of the plotline choices/character development are lacking if you've read up on Akihiro (and other characters in general -- Laura is written a little odd, like a mini-Logan)

As far as the side story by Larry Hama/Daniel Picciotto -- it was fun. It was a nostalgia trip. I have nothing to add and I liked it.

We also got ink pages (unlettered/uncolored) for the upcoming Wolverine series out in September -- Kurt is tracking down Logan, who is living with wolves again.

Hellverine #1

Oddly, I don't completely hate it yet. Like this issue had quality set-up, but its weird. The plot choices are weird. The implications of what's happening are weird. It's all weird. It's too weird to bash yet.

But its not bad writing, in terms of quality. The story flows well, it kept my interest -- but I still have reservations regarding upcoming plot deicisions.

Essentially, Akihiro, possessed by the spirit of Bagra-Gul, is going around hunting bad guys -- human traffickers, a corrupt priest, a cannibalistic supper club, etc.

The secret underground Pentagon organization is also trying to figure out the Hellverine is doing. They had harnessed Hellfire and infused into a bunch of of deceased elite soldiers--who immediately went rogue and escaped. But Aki/Hellverine showed up and tried to stop them -- presumably sensing the Hellfire stuff going on. But they managed to blow him up and escape while he healed.

In response, the Pentagon organization captured Logan, believing him to be the Hellverine (to be fair -- in the demon form, it looks a lot like him with a flaming skull). The head of the org interrogated him, lying about the Hellfire soldiers' origin, so Logan agreed to help him locate the Hellverine to take the soldiers down. Upon reviewing the video -- particularly at the moment of explosion, Logan recognized his son's tattoo.

The issue ends on a cliffhanger, with Aki going "flame-off" to reveal his beautiful face.

So Aki is NOT part of the secret underground Pentagon organization like I thought. He is an oddity. I'm assuming as this progresses, we'll find out why -- I'm currently assuming its an old shell, like a Krakoan era resurrection that was never disposed of properly, you know? Then mix it with demon-magic.

I still don't get the all the stitches -- I mean, if its an old shell, it would explain the mohawk (I miss the long, fluffy hair already. I mean, I guess the mohawk is more iconic, but he already has a unique tattoo, let him change up his style for a bit longer. I never got my messy hair-down panel ☹) .

But also, he 100% looks like Logan with a flaming skull in his demon form. Like, the tattoo canonically disappears, and he's short and hairy, and has Logan's claw placement.

The implications of it are weirding me out -- like I know Aki canonically has his father's shoulders, but he's taller and I've always headcanoned him having a relatively slimmer/wiry build overall. Mostly taking after his mama with hints of his father here and there. I guess it could be explained away with demon magic transformation, but I don't know how I feel yet. (like it would be weird to be specifically transformed into your father, right?)

The explanation for Bagra-Gul is that bonding to Logan fundamentally changed him -- as in, as a demon, Bagra-Gul still feeds on pain and violence, but now tinged with a sense of twisted justice so he feeds on the sinners/scum of the earth and taking the same demonic pleasures.

Does this mean Akihiro is also feeling his father's influence on Bagra-Gul? Is Bagra-Gul influenced by Akihiro at all? Does Aki know what he's doing? Is there even Aki's soul in there, or is it just an empty shell for a demon?

I guess we'll have to wait and see?

However, I am 100% worried with how this is going to play out. (Especially considering its likely the writer was planning this out since the beginning of the Sabretooth War arc)The Hellverine mini lines up perfectly to the relaunch of the Wolverine series. And I know I've said it before, but Logan only turns his back on civilization for two reasons: braining-washing or grief (or both.)

The caption teaser for Hellverine #4 is as folllows:

"HELLVERINE VS. WOLVERINE! BAGRA-GHUL has come for LOGAN's soul, but when the heat is on, who will survive - the HELLVERINE or the WOLVERINE?"

I really just hope it is just a fake-out and it means purifying Akihiro's soul and not making Logan kill him again. I am so tired. (and Aki gets to keep the character growth -- no hard reset making him a villian again)

But it really seems like they want Logan to hate himself for some reason and wouldn't be the first time they made him kill his son (or kids in general) to make him feel bad.

Or even just kill a shell of his son could be just enough -- Logan has never needed much to trigger the self-loathing.

Its lining up a little too well for comfort, if that makes sense.

I just want to be hopeful. Such as, maybe now that Akihiro is relatively front and center for this mini, we'll actually get some proper father-son relationship development. Maybe it'll end nicely wrapped up on a positive note -- where Akihiro is resurrected, relatively fine, and set up to join a new team, such as one of the books that hasn't been announced yet (Editor Tom Brevoort mentioned in an interview that there are still "first wave" new era books that haven't even been announced yet)

[shikai-the-storyteller]

There's no doubt in my mind that Madagio will use that energy to destroy the Federation. But today's Tazercraft tweet made me remember an old thought I had. I know the white figure in that photo is probably Cucurucho, but wouldn't it be interesting if it was Madagio who saves Pac?

[ Also on Ao3 ]

—

Madagio felt empathy for Fit, in the end.

They understood what it meant to be robbed of purpose because of factors outside of their control. Although they felt remorse for leaving Fit in the dark (figuratively and literally) for so long, they finally had what they needed, and Fit was no longer a required part of their plan. Success demanded sacrifice, and it was one only Madagio could pay.

The power of Vacuus Island surpassed that of Quesadilla Island's, and once Madagio was willing to utilize it, it was easier to jump Islands than they'd anticipated. The Federation was weaker than before, based on their observations, and the slowly fraying defenses against outsiders only confirmed their suspicions. Infighting and Islander revolts both had a hand in it, but like a cockroach, the Federation always found ways to survive. It was only a matter of time before its leaders stepped in and restored order — through any means necessary.

Madagio planned to deliver the final blow before they could recover.

The sterile white halls were sickeningly familiar. Even after all this time, the Federation's concept of "perfection" remained as stagnant as it ever was. Only a faint beeping and a blip of blue and green on a small heart monitor spoiled the monotonous tour of the Federation's labyrinthine base.

The sight of a familiar figure lying in a hospital bed made Madagio pause as they passed the Federation's hospital ward. Although they'd never stepped foot on Quesadilla Island before now (at least, not in their current form), they'd spent months watching Fit and the other Islanders. They could easily recognize Pac, after so many weeks spent by Fit's side.

(And it was hard to forget the way he'd seen Pac treat his cats with such gentle loving care. It was hard to forget the way his voice sounded when he cooed sweetly at them, or the way he lay still for hours whenever one fell asleep on his chest or lap, purring contentedly. It was hard to forget, because Madagio knew what that love felt like, once. They outlived all others on Vacuus Island, but Madagio could never forget the love that bound them there, or the grief which bound them to their mission.)

—

The reason for Pac's hospitalization was clear: a failed respawn. It happened sometimes, even on Federation-controlled Islands like this. One could even argue accidents like that happened especially on Federation-controlled Islands.

Sometimes residents died, and they didn't come back.

Sometimes they didn't want to come back.

Madagio's mission required speed and stealth, but time is a funny thing when one has lived as long as they have, and they found themself in the hospital room before the impulse could even fully form in their mind.

It was funny – or maybe not funny, but ironic – how Pac looked almost as bad-off as Fit after Madagio freed him. Old bruises and poorly-treated injuries littered almost every square inch of bare skin, and likely didn't stop there. Dark shadows rimmed his eyes, and he looked skinnier than the last time Madagio saw him. He was lacking his usual vibrant blue hoodie, instead sporting black clothes which made him look even more desaturated, as though he hadn't seen the sun in weeks.

Technically, Pac was still alive.

A failed respawn just meant something was preventing his consciousness – or "soul" as some people called it; Madagio wasn't one to ponder the metaphysical – from returning to his body.

But Madagio had seen corpses better off than Pac.

The reason for his soul's reluctance to return was hardly a mystery. Even without their surveillance, Madagio knew first-hand the kind of suffering the Federation inflicted on those under their control. The loss, the grief, the brief hope followed by crushing anguish. Madagio knew that.

And they'd watched history repeat itself as Fit searched vacant houses where familiar faces once resided, desperation bleeding into dread before he found something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

Madagio granted him 24 hours to say his goodbyes.

They sent him back to his world after 5.

It was the only mercy they could offer.

But standing there in that sterile white hospital room in front of the cot that would surely become Pac's deathbed, Madagio realized there was one final act of mercy within their power.

Pac's hair had grown in the last two months. Madagio was careful not to let their claws snag the unkempt tangles as they brushed it out of his face. His skin was cooler than it should be. Madagio could hardly remember the last time they came into physical contact with a person, but they remembered that much.

(They remembered lying with someone they loved, curled tight into a ball on their chest and slowly feeling their heartbeats fade and their skin grow cold. No matter how desperately Madagio tried to warm them, they never woke up).

But that was not the memory they were searching for.

They sorted through nearly a year's worth of memories – memories of others' lives seen through Madagio's eyes. Birthday parties, festivals, a summer wedding under cherry blossom trees, hugs from children and friends tight enough to steal one's breath away, gifts that spoke feelings people couldn't give voice to, confessions over coffee, and promises made were speakers thought no one else could hear. Madagio condensed all these memories and emotions into their purest form as though polishing a gem; hope, joy, compassion, and above all else: love.

...And one final memory of a man standing before five graves (empty graves, though Madagio hadn't known it at the time), enveloped by a grief so powerful it was burned into Madagio's own memory.

And now, it was burned into Pac's memory too.

A long-forgotten instinct prompted Madagio to gently nuzzle against Pac's forehead, barely brushing against the skin as they felt Pac's consciousness return, and with it, his grief. They continued passing memories to him, and although Pac didn't stir, a tear slowly rolled down his cheek and onto the pillow beneath his head.

Pac was a man who loved so dearly and deeply that losses hurt him as severely as a physical wound. Madagio could feel that, and felt Pac's exhaustion as acutely as if it were their own. But they could also feel the hope beneath that grief, the hand reaching up out of the darkness, the desire to live as he clung to the lifeline of memories Madagio offered him. Pac still had a family left. He still had children and friends, loved ones and people who loved him in turn. He still had a reason to live.

The next tear fell from Madagio's own eyes. It rolled from Pac's temple to his cheek, gravity dragging it down until it was indistinguishable from Pac's tear tracks. Memory sharing was a two-way road, though Madagio had hoped Pac's lack of consciousness might mitigate that.

They refused to acknowledge any other explanation for their lapse of composure.

Madagio brushed the evidence away, straightening up as color slowly returned to Pac's face and his breathing became more consistent. He'd likely sleep a while longer, but Madagio had no plans to linger. They'd delayed the inevitable for far too long.

As Madagio stalked the Federation halls, they found their thoughts being drawn back to Fit and Pac. With the Federation weakened as it was, and soon to be destroyed, Madagio had no doubt Pac and his little son and partner would be able to leave the Island. The Tazercraft pair were clever – maybe even clever enough to track down Fit and escape to a different world altogether with him.

Madagio almost smiled at the thought.

Almost.

They would never see a resolution to Pac and Fit's story, for Madagio had their own ending to write, and each step through the marble white halls brought them closer to their finale.

Perhaps there was no ending for Fit and Pac; only new chapters waiting to be told.

And maybe, just maybe, their future could be a happy one.

[wrathsofgrapes]

Concours de Femmes: Our Dirty Secret

There's a particular facet of womanhood and girlhood that I find to be barely talked about, usually only briefly mentioned in feminist discourse - the competition between women, and beauty standards as a means to even be accepted by other women. I feel like "the competition" (as I will now be referring to it) takes up such a large space within women's lives, and I would argue even more so than the approval and acceptance of men, such a large space that we have barely known alternatives, or what the lack of the competition could look like.

Mainstream feminist discourse often centers around the general idea that "women do not do [xyz] to please men!" - often referring to makeup, cosmetic surgery, and other aesthetic rituals. In reality, in many instances, it genuinely is partially for men, but I will argue that it is mostly for the approval of other women. Women want other women to be jealous of them. Women are in a constant competition to be the most desirable, the most fuckable, and on top of it all, we are in a competition to see who can pretend as though we are not even aware of the mere existence of the competition, who can convince other women that they are the most -effortlessly- desirable and fuckable. Because if you fit a certain beauty standard that traditionally fits what is called the "male gaze", then you also fit in with other women that are in the same place in "the competition" as you.

Mainstream feminist discourse too often focuses on what we, feminists, can do about men, when we, women, are just as wounded by our patriarchal matrix and heteronormative delusions. It is rarely discussed that women will go through lengths of extreme aesthetic alterations (nose jobs, BBLs, lip injections, and whatever else is popular right now) not only to fit the male gaze and feel that euphoric rush of male approval, but also to be accepted by groups of women, to fit into the "pretty" group, for other women to perceive you as competitor. Because ironically, it happens quite often where the more you are seen as competition, the more the competition want to be friends with you. Society loves a group of pretty women. Think of the Kardashians, the Real Housewives, the appeal of sorority culture, and think about how reality shows about groups of pretty women are often solely based around the competition between each other. Because the truth is, we (as a whole) have been conditioned to find entertainment in a "catfight", we're all perverts, eyes and ears glued to the objectified gaggle of women claiming to be "best friends" as they jump through hoops to see who can be the most successful in fame, desirability, money, and often intellect as well. We secretly want them to fail; we have been trained to secretly want our own friends to fail as well.

In terms of desirability, I will speak on personal experience when I say that in adolescence into young adulthood, most girls do not actually want to have sex, especially not with the partners that they usually "choose" in adolescence (I use the term choose very loosely. I actually think young girls often get tricked into thinking they have full control in their choices). No, rather, they would like to be desirable, fuckable. Not only that, but they would especially like to tell their friends about how desirable they are via tales of sexual and romantic (mostly sexual) exploits with boys. Sexual gossip is a very important bonding factor in friendships between girls and young women, and I will argue that for some it is one of the largest reasons why many will partake in our current zeitgeist's soulless digitalized hookup culture.

In high school, I was fascinated and intrigued to hear about the sexual adventures of my girl friends, not only because I had none, but also because none of these stories were positive. They made me sick to my stomach. Stories of boys who refused protection, stories of boys who coerced girls into anal sex, stories of dry, painful penetration, stories of boys getting girls too drunk or stoned to consent. And the girls? Too often did they tell me these stories with a proud smile on their face, thinking that it was funny, not a big deal. I think when you're young you thirst for experience whether it is good or bad. You want stories. You want to be interesting. You're definitely more interesting than your prudish and awkward friend (me). They liked it when I freaked out about these stories. They would reassure me that it wasn't a big deal, as if they were telling me that I will experience it one day, because they think every girl does, and that's just how it is. They liked feeling older, more mature and more experienced than me. They liked when I pried them about their sexual experiences in detail. I only pried because I wondered if they'd get to a point where they really heard themselves, and the words they were saying to me. I don't think anyone's really having any great sex in high school, and everyone was trying to convince everyone else that they were having great sex.

I feel for these girls. I feel for my sixteen year old self that secretly envied these girls. I acted shocked to them as they told me of these traumatic events with a smile on their faces, having read Germaine Greer and De Beauvoir, trying to explain to them why they deserve to be treated better, and how male validation is not worth it. They simply thought I was a silly virgin who did not understand. I secretly wished to have just not thought about these things. Back then I thought things would be so much easier, simpler, if I just let myself be treated that way. I would feel more loved. I would feel closer to my friends. I'd have some really "fun" stories to tell. I felt alienated from my friends because I couldn't relate. Back then I convinced people around me that I was not so lonely. That I didn't see a point in relationships, that I was too busy to bother with them (busy with what?? Algebra 1? Who was I fooling...). That I wasn't so interested in sex. I wanted to act like I was above sex and love (or what high schoolers thought love was). I even identified as asexual and later, gay, for some of this time because I felt so alienated from the adolescent rehearsal of heterosexual sex and love.

But that doesn't mean that I was above an interest in boys - especially platonically. I think I have noticed (as well as perpetrated) women and girls not only competing for sexual and romantic desirability in the eyes of men, but also platonic desirability (which in reality is often just hidden sexual desire because straight men and women often cannot fathom of pure platonic relationships between each other). An example of this is women having a complex, often encouraged by men, that they are "one of the boys". Women saying things like "I just get along better with guys", feeling a sort of competition to see who can have the most male friends. Women can be guilty of valuing men and male friendships over women, just as men can. Men often don't view women as -full people-, and maybe, just maybe, many women subconsciously feel this way too.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely still trying to shake out of being entrapped within the competition. I think we all are, especially recently. But it's hard when one is surrounded solely by people who are perpetuating the competition further, when one is trapped. I get that. This post is definitely not to bash other women and girls for perpetuating the competition in any way. I was and probably always will be entrapped in the competition in one way or another. We women are all traumatized, brainwashed to romanticize that trauma, and brainwashed to compete in who has more of it, because -trauma makes you interesting-. I think it's getting better, I really do, but that might also be my experience from the people I choose to surround myself with and love. Sometimes I find myself talking with a girl who I would not normally talk to, and find myself back in high school again, prudish as she is beaming with tragedy.

I think when women live in more privileged societies in terms of gender equality (I mean as in, women who are not forced into marriages, are able to access education, etc.), internalized misogyny is just as important of an issue to address as the everyday misogynies of men. It is too often that men pit women against each other, especially explicitly, and women will agree and be complicit to it. It starts with recognizing the misogynies. It starts with analyzing why you -really hate that girl you have never talked to-. It starts with recognizing the difference in how you act around men versus around women.

Simply saying empty phrases like "girl power!" and "women need to stick together!" means nothing when we merely have an illusion of power and unity in groups of women, because due to internalized misogyny and the competition, what should be a "safe space" is filled with re-enforcers of our own oppression. Women often don't even feel safe in groups of other women, because within every woman is a little misogynist speaking in our ear. It starts with the slow and painful killing of that prick, who has been with you since you learned to speak, and has controlled your speech ever since.

[metalgearstranding]

Big Boss' Boyfriends: a Retrospective? A Character Analysis? A Bunch of Words Strung Together For Sure

Re: this post about Ocelot being willing to die FOR Big Boss versus Kaz willing to die WITH Big Boss. I think it's absolutely true, and I just wanted to expand on the subject and talk about Ocelot and Kaz, and why they're different on that front because of their personality and their history.

(Notes: 1 English is not my first language so forgive the mistakes and the general lack of polish 2) those are of course my personal interpretations of events colored by bias. I'm not pretending to know the Correct and True version of anything. Also I might be misrembering/forgetting things. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about CANON informations, add important infos I might have forgotten, and share your own interpretations of the characters and events if you want!)

Unlike Ocelot who went on to do his solo thing after MGS3, Kaz was taken in by Snake after they met, and MSF was born shortly after. Kaz was vital to the creation of MSF, it was his baby as much as it was Snake's. MSF was more than a base, it was a home, for both of them. It brought them close, not only because they shared something they made together, but also because they spent a lot of time together, physically. Even when Snake wasn't on mother base, they constantly kept in contact through the radio. They had plenty of opportunities to get to know each other personally and become close. It's ironic that Kaz probably never knew Snake's real name, because for a while he was in a better place than Ocelot to really get to know "John".

Officially, Snake was the boss at MSF of course, with Kaz serving as his XO, his second in command. Their relationship never really felt particularly hierarchical however. Despite his talk in MGS3 about being loyal to the top brass and willing to die for them, Snake never gave me the vibe that he cared very much about ranks and rigid military rules, especially not after leaving FOX to do his own thing. Kaz didn't have that much military experience to begin with in comparison, so he was probably more than comfortable with the loosey goosey operation Snake was conducting. So yeah, to me, Snake and Kaz in Peace Walker felt more like equals than anything.

Even without a romantic angle, their relationship was very symbiotic, so it makes perfect sense that they'd both be willing to go down with the ship, considering the amount of time, money, love, and blood that was poured into their new way of life. Kaz especially -in contrast to his sharp business acumen and practical sense- always struck me as a very... intense guy, for better or for worse. Hell, the bbkaz meet cute was Kaz almost blowing both himself and Snake with a grenade... So yes, straight from the beginning, Kaz was very willing to die with Snake, first as an enemy, and then as a friend/lover/partner once Snake's rizz won his heart over. And it was both Kaz's practical sense and his passionate nature that cost him Snake's companionship (in part).

Ocelot's case is simultaneously both simpler and much more complicated. He and Snake are as inextricably linked together as Snake and Kaz, but in a different way.

The two men have known each other for a long time, and they were around each other for one of the most formative moments of their lives. Snake lost an eye to Ocelot and gained his absolute loyalty (and the coolness factor that comes with an eyepatch). Meanwhile, Ocelot simply wouldn't be Ocelot without Snake: the revolvers, the interrogation fetish, Ocelot's chosen Purpose in life, all of that can be retraced to Snake. They share a mother, one spiritually and the other genetically. They've tried to kill each other several times, and saved each other just as often. Aside from the nod to Ocelot and Snake's plot armor, MGS3 loves to show how Fate brought them together. First, by making the Boss -he most important and influential person in Snake's life- Ocelot's mother, and second, with all the moments where Ocelot COULD have killed Snake, but wasn't "allowed" to.

Even without the events of the story bringing them together, unlike Snake and Kaz who are complimentary but very different, Snake and Ocelot are very alike. The Sorrow spoke of the Spirit of the Warrior, which both men have. Snake joined the military very young (15yo), and that life is all he's known and wanted. Ocelot was literally born on a battlefield and raised to be a spy. Both men live by the sword, are perfectly content living that way, and they understand that about each other. The notes for the MGS3 script about their meeting in Rassvet speak of them immediately liking each other: "a pure love". If you ignore the strong connotations of the word "love", it's clear that both men recognized as kindred spirit in the other at the very least.

No matter how strong the bond and the understanding between them, Snake and Ocelot rarely came into direct contact after MGS3. It's very possible they met more often when the Patriots were founded, or were in more direct contact after Snake left, but we don't get to see that in game. With or without hints to Snake and Ocelot's contacts through the years, the games make it clear that Ocelot is someone who prefers to work alone behind the scenes, and is actually quite happy and more comfortable that way. There are several hints that he DOES miss Snake sometimes though in the script of MGSV. Then there's this amazing line: "Foxes spend most of their time alone, but they'll keep the same mate. They say that in the case of the Blanford's foxes, it's for life. *hmph* Can't see the sense of it myself." Ocelot is obviously full of shit, because this describes him to a T: he too spent most of his time alone but kept the same mate (Snake) all of his life.

Ocelot being apart from Snake most of the time seems to be in major part a decision of the former. But that means that despite sharing their formative moments, Ocelot didn't get to know Snake -"John"- as he is in his day-to-day life like Kaz did. Snake's more intimate habits, quirks, tastes, what makes him laugh, how long he takes to dress up in the morning, that kind of stuff you only learn by sharing someone's life he didn't have access to as far as we know. In MGSV, Ocelot says this: "She (Quiet) fell in love with the legend (Snake). I was the same way, once." You can interpret this line a few different ways, but it's indeniable: Ocelot fell in love with the legend. And I think in a way, because of the physical distance between them, Snake remained a Legend in his mind, a distant deity he had chosen to devote himself to.

Ocelot might not have had the privilege to be raised and taken care of by his parents, but he is definitely their son. The Boss and the Sorrow were characterized by their strong sense of loyalty, love and duty. When the Philosophers forced the couple to face each other in battle, threatening to end their son's life if they didn't, the Sorrow willingly decided he'd be the one to give his life. And of course, the Boss' life is filled with examples of her self-sacrificial nature. Through the sacrifice of her life and reputation, she saved millions of lives.

Ocelot wasn't as noble as the Boss, he doesn't exactly share his mother's wish for peace, but he is just as self-sacrificial and loyal to a fault (well, to HIM at least). He didn't like Zero's vision of the world, and he went to impressively absurd lengths to destroy it. Whether or not he truly believed that hard in Snake's pet project, Ocelot still went to MORE impressively absurd lengths to help Snake see it through. Not for honor, but for Him.

But what about Snake's in all of that? Snake is kind of an idiot, the end. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Seriously though, I don't think I'm being very controversial if I say that Snake is single-minded to an unhealthy degree. He doesn't seem to care about much outside of war, guns and cigars... And the Boss. And that's where the problem lies.

The extent to which Snake was attached to the Boss was a little erm... worrisome? For a man who said he didn't care about other people's lives, Snake sure was interested in the Boss as EVA points out in MGS3. Snake didn't take their time apart well, and he took her death (at his own hands) even worse. The events of Snake Eater pretty much singlehandedly ruined Snake and all remaining hopes he could've had to someday live a healthier life.

One of my friends once said about Snake that he was incapable of love. I don't think it's wrong, but it's also very much not true, because Metal Gear Solid as a series happened because Snake couldn't heal from the pain of losing someone he loved so deeply. Sadly, it did affect his relationships after that, especially the ones who loved him most, Ocelot and Kaz in particular. Of course, the death of the Boss wasn't the only factor for that, there were also the betrayals, the many, many betrayals... I'm not gonna talk about Zero here, but aside from the Boss, he's the one who did the most damage to Snake.

After he and Zero parted ways, unable to reconcile their difference of opinions about the Boss's will (and Zero doing the first in a series of Very Fucked Up Things), Snake went on to do his thing and met Kaz. They found each other when they needed it the most, and despite their ideological differences, joined forces to create a home for the both of them.

The day they met, when Snake explained to Kaz what he was doing in Columbia (mercenary work). Kaz's first reaction was: "so you go where the money is". Snake denied this, told Kaz that they were fighting for themselves. Kaz insisted: "so, for the money". Snake should've seen this as the red flag it later came to be. Snake does what he does for the love of the Game. He fights to live and lives to fight. Kaz does what he does for money. That served Snake well during the MSF days, because Snake is not a very practical guy outside of the battlefield, logistics aren't his thing and neither is handling money.

And that's when Kaz did an oopsie. MSF was struggling, and when a golden opportunity presented itself, Kaz just couldn't say no. Blinded by the prospect of getting a lot of money to help MSF grow, Kaz accepted to work with Zero... without telling Snake. Snake who had just been more or less stabbed in the back by Zero and had trust issues up the wazoo at this point. Snake didn't say much when it was revealed, but you can feel the disappointment in his voice when he says Kaz's name.

When Kaz learns in Phantom Pain that Snake has left to make a bigger, better MSF, he gets pissed and vows to send Snake to hell. Aside from being the consequence of his actions in Peace Walker, Kaz's reaction is both puzzling and very understandable.

Snake and Kaz were close, they were partners. Or so Kaz thought. Kaz would've been ready to die with Snake for what they had created together, but Ocelot informed him that he wouldn't get to be by Snake's side while he built his new nation of fighters. Kaz had been... demoted, essentially. In his mind at least. No longer an equal partner, he was now working FOR Snake, not with him. And he couldn't take it. He had become so comfortable sitting at the right hand of God that he thought he was now entitled to share the throne with him (Which I guess makes Kaz Lucifer in a way in this analogy...? And Ocelot Archangel Michael? XD).

Snake at this point had bought into his own hype, rejected the Boss and claimed the title of Big Boss once and for all after struggling with it for years. He went along with Zero's Phantom idea, and rode away from a burning hospital with a smile on his face. If Snake had second thoughts at the time, if he felt guilty or grateful about the enormous sacrifices that were made in his name, we don't really get to hear about it.

Kaz lost his partner status but he wasn't kicked to the curb completely however, which means Snake still wanted him around in some capacity at least. Or Snake assumed that he had Kaz's loyalty no matter what, and would gladly get along with the plan just like Ocelot. In a way, he wouldn't have been wrong, because despite Kaz's anger and his vow to get revenge on Big Boss via enfant terrible one day, he still stayed around to help with the Phantom project. It's unknown if Kaz submitted himself -willingly or not- to hypnotism. Ocelot being over-committed is nothing new, but I wonder if he would've insisted to do the same to Kaz...

If Kaz had carefully proded the limits of his position in Peace Walker, in Phantom Pain he kept poking at them with his crutch . Kaz had always been intense, but his anger and lust for revenge during the game were very loud next to Venom Snake's calm attitude. Kaz constantly went against Snake's decision, demanding where Ocelot suggested. The best exemple is Kaz outright telling Venom Snake that if he took Quiet back to the base, he'd "just have her killed", sending choppers with armed men pointing their weapons at Snake. Once again, Kaz acts as an equal, not someone who's taking orders, which either means he WAS hypnotized and didn't learn his lesson, or he wasn't hypnotized, and doesn't recognize Venom Snake's authority as his commander at all. Even if he gave no shit about a hierarchy, if he was pissed against the real Snake, Kaz still seemed to yearn for him, at least at the beginning. They get so close so often in the first hours of the game that you really wonder whether they're going kiss or not.

We know where Kaz ends up at some point after this (training Solid Snake, then getting killed -presumably by Ocelot- in his home). I'd really like to know when he left Venom Snake's side, and how Venom took it...

All the while, Ocelot had always been working in Snake's interests and never waivered. Ocelot stayed behind as a spy for Snake when the latter left the Patriots. Zero was probably aware of that fact, but by that point, Ocelot's loyalty and love for Snake was beyond question, so it's no wonder he was chosen to watch over Snake for the next 9 years while he was in a coma. Meanwhile, Kaz was informed that Snake was alive and safe, but was not told where, and he was not allowed to see him either (because his presence would be a dead giveaway for Snake's enemies). Whatever news he received were via Ocelot.

Kaz's emotions always get the best of him, he's very expressive, so we know how he feels at all times. Ocelot on the other hand is calm, composed, in control. He's made a career out of pretending to be what he's not, so it's hard to say how he really feels. I'm sure he was devastated by what happened to Snake, but we don't really get to see it sadly. In MGSV he acts like a professional, he offers his expertise to Snake when it's needed. He's not subservient, but he's fully aware of his place and his role. Despite his poker face, I think you can still very much feel Ocelot's affection for Snake during the game (and possibly even some jealousy towards Quiet).

Ocelot's insistence to work alone, his history with Snake, and his reverence for Snake saved him from a lot of the heartbreak Kaz had to go through. It also guaranteed his place in Snake's life until the very end. We don't really know what Snake thought of Ocelot, how he really felt about him, but we know he trusted him fully, which, considering all the betrayals Snake went through, really means something.

Kaz made errors of judgement and let his emotions get the better of him, which cost him Snake's trust and the place at his side he wanted so badly. Ocelot's independance and dedication to his mission cost him an opportunity to really get to know the man he had worked so hard for. He never really got to see the fruits of his schemes: the end of the Patriots, and Snake himself, gloriously back to life, free from them at last. And because of his single mindedness, his selfishness (or obliviousness perhaps), and the heartbreak he could never heal from, Snake was never able to give back to the people who loved him and gave everything to him.

[alicefromwhichplanet]

WWII tfa Humanformers Headcanon: Channel World

I got this idea when I was binge watching German war films two months ago (still watching more and more now). I easily came up with a human version of Blitzwing (he’s German, anyway), and then I assigned positions/ nationalities to other tfa characters I made as the main cast in my fiction Heroic Nonsense.

Characters/Relationships:

Blitzwing/Bumblebee

Megatron/Optimus Prime

Strika/Lugnut

The background:

After the war, the Cybertronians became quite conceited and joked about humans’ lives being too short and easy. Sari just made a machine/game that can provide users with immersive experiences as humans in a certain era. She decided to let her friends try human life back in 1944.

The Cybertronians were assigned random roles on earth in 1944 (based on their original identities…). They have video calls once in a while in a special comm link in the game, which they later call “Channel World”, because they’re calling from different parts of the world.

Blitzwing:

Blitzwing is of course thrown into the worst case scenario. He is at the East front, retreating… as a 19-year-old German soldier. He squeaked a lot, wet his pants, ran away and was dragged back, saw many deaths and injuries and was captured by Strika’s troops and let go, because it was Strika that caught him. He cried on the phone to Bumblebee saying he missed him, but refused to stop the game, because he didn’t want to be seen as a coward.

Bumblebee:

Bumblebee is assigned to South America as a Mexican boy, 17. He was quite contented with his identity first, but after seeing Blitzwing’s situation he was desperate to go and meet his lover. He signed up for Mexican Air Forces that fought for the Allies with great efforts, only to find himself bombing Blitzwing’s side…

Strika:

Strika was assigned to Soviet Union. The reason being that she reminds me of experienced Red Army women soldiers with her characterization… She is a leader of a squad, 24 or 25. Fought bravely to Berlin. Captured a German soldier (Blitzwing). But he ran away ( she let him go).

Megatron:

Almost no doubt Megatron was made a high ranked Soviet official, in his 30s, and in the battlefield as well. This is because in tf g1 there is an implication of Decepticons being the Soviet side of the Cold War. Megatron and Strika will be a crucial factor why Blitzwing survived in the POW camp after the war ended.

Optimus:

Of course. He’s an American soldier. White male, 28 or 29. Optimus is closest to the position of an observer. His humanoid character is almost like the “default mode”. He went to Europe to attend the war with his friend Lugnut.

Lugnut:

African American soldier, only a little younger than Optimus. Also fought in the war and laughed at his best friend on Cybertron Blitzwing when he got too immersed and called him “American scum” on video call. Will join civil rights movements in US after the war.

I may put this idea into fiction, or maybe will just post random short stories under this au. It requires a lot of historic backgrounds and I’m still lacking time now. But later. Anything can happen. Let’s call it Channel World AU.