#there will never be better

[vintage-brass-tc]

TC Vent? Even though U and I are still on good terms, it’s just sort of a brain dump about recent events and how they’ve been affecting my mindset.

It’s so tough to support him and love him in everything he wants, when that “everything” could possibly include another girl, a staff member, who is so compatible with him and is always found talking to or laughing with him, making similar gestures that he does, acting similar to him in tiny, barely noticeable ways, and is so talented in ways that he would probably love in a woman. And, obviously, she’s around his age too….which is so perfect for him, but it really hurts me

A week or two ago, we spent the whole jazz class teasing him about the possibility of him liking this girl, and I was egging him on and teasing him so much about how smiley he was, explaining to him just why we all thought they’d be perfect together; I told him about their chemistry and how closely they stood to each other and their similar behaviors, etcetera, telling him every little thing I noticed that would be so, so perfect for him. In that moment, I felt so happy, playfully messing with U and making him all smiley and helpless, covering his face, to the point where, in a hushed, flustered voice, with wide, desperate eyes, he told me to stop making fun of just how giddy he was. I laughed at his desperation and his cute, antsy attitude. It reminded me of myself.

But it was about another girl, someone who I think is probably perfect for him. Part of me wants to believe that one of the reasons he asked me to stop, among sparing him more embarrassment, was because he might have known that the thought of the two together would eat me up inside. And if he was thinking that…he’d be right. As the school day had continued, I went from being all giggly and smiley to finally realizing that he would have someone perfect for him. Someone who would give him the love that I would have given, someone who would make his life more fun and full of surprise and adventure, someone who he could focus all of his attention on.

If the two of them actually got together….I, naturally, would support them in every endeavor. Because I love him, and want the best for him, and I know the girl would treat him well. But that would also mean that it’d be the end of my (fantastical) relationship with him. My delusional interpretations of our extended moments of eye contact, the way he would say my name, his body language around me, the way he’d smile or laugh or tease. All of that would be over…. but at least he would be happy.

Since then, apart from one brief mention of her, I never heard him talk about her again. In fact, they haven’t been around each other that often either. And things with him and I have resumed as normal….with the interactions that leave my face red and a smile etched on my lips by the end of class.

But after all of that time spent encouraging him that she was perfect for him, and that there was something there between them, even if he’s never brought it up after that, the entire ordeal kind of snapped my mind back into reality. Ever since then, bit by bit, I’ve become sort of depressed and miserable at the thought of my infatuation with him, because I now recognize how impossible that would really be. A girl like me, young but not super smart or confident or attractive or talented, could never compete with a lot of other girls who are his age, and have a more stereotypically attractive body type.

It’s just super unrealistic, and while I still love him to bits, and still desire to have something with him (a desire I would never follow through with, of course), I have to accept the truth. Though he is so perfect in every way, shape, and form, and even my father mentioned that this director of mine, so devoted, genuine, driven, and humorous, would be the exact type of person that he sees me having a committed relationship with in the future…. it probably won’t happen. Even if he were to love me too…. I don’t know how it could ever work out.

It’s just tough to recognize that.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

god i love my friends. shout out to people who love their friends. this is a post for friend lovers

[darkwood-sleddog]

Because @staff is too cowardly…

[softhe4rted]

first read on @exitmusicfrafilm’s post about 2023

[beanghostprincess]

Laios saying he's stronger and better organized than Shuro because he eats 3 meals every day and sleeps properly is probably one of the most encouraging things a fictional character has ever said to me

[morebird]

Gale of Waterdeep

[kvtnisseverdeen]

THE WORLD STANDS WITH PALESTINE 🇵🇸

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

not "i ship these characters" or "i want them to bond platonically" but a secret 3rd thing (I want them to be forced to interact by the Narrative bc they would HATE that)

[omnybus]

[dontbuymeperfume]

so like is this anything or

[sheepgirlmaidtummy]

man. this whole thing pisses me off because like. even when people talk about staff having a history of hating trans women, that this isnt the first time, without fail black trans women are forgotten to be included again and again. im not surprised this caused such an uproar when the popular white woman gets deleted. nobody should be, its been that way like forever. some cunt in my inbox got annoyed i called rita a sex worker (lol? okay)

but i mentioned that in my post because so many black trans women have gotten removed from this site for their sex work alone, regardless of if it "broke community guidelines" or not, especially when tumblr live and the ads on this website are so fucking horny. idek what to say rn because like. this wont get as many notes as the posts talking about her will. the exploding car thing is gonna get more attention than the trans women on this site you dont actually care about listening to. ive been talking about how unfair it is to be a black tgirl on this site for years and nobody cares.

i love rita, we talked abit the other day and she's doing fine, dont get it twisted and think i hate her or some bs, she's a big fucking reason im not fucking homeless.

but part of why her deletion got to #1 trending on tumblr for multiple days in a row is that she's white

[sweetmapple]

Act 1 Astarion

[chiptrillino]

ID: Katara and sokka in swimgear. in the first image, sokka is searching for something in the water. his hair getting wet. katara leans over to him saying "don't you think, its time for a haircut?" in the second image sokka rose form the water, a dog-shark creature in hand, swinging his hair in Katara face splashing her. smugly he says "no <3". End ID

i know its winter! i know it likley snowed by now on the northern hemilsphere! but... on the southern side is summer time right??? so... its fine.... this is fine!!!

----

!!! please do not use or repost this artwork without permission!!!

[trainwreckgenerator]

top ten polycules most likely to destroy all life on earth

[tierras]

[newttxt]

crisis of disbelief