#there’s no grander vision sorry

[iinryer]

forgot i scribbled these like, a little over a year and half ago? i simply think that big strong women,

(the note by eddie says: she did shave her whole head in s3 + her fruity little s5 hair is a classy undercut)

[im-smart-i-swear]

insane deranged person voice so i think shiro is a wolf and kuron is a dog. you agree

[mothocean]

Vast alhaitham and buried kaveh. Do you see my vision

[dulcesiabits]

the far side of a dream.

summary: On the stage, Sparkle plays whatever parts she desires, and all you can do is follow her lead.

notes: 1.6k words, complicated relationships, introspection

There are a few ways you describe your relationship with Sparkle.

Like a dream, perhaps, a fleeting vision of red and laughter that slips in through your window at night, swinging her legs on your desk, and pulling you closer to her, as if she’s the real owner of your house. She makes a mess of you for as long as she wants, and then she leaves, usually before you wake the next morning.

Like a firefly, a glimmering flicker of a star, that alights in your life only on a whim. Something soft and beautiful, that you know, instinctively, will flee the second you make any movement towards her. So you let Sparkle set the pace of your relationship, even if that means you’re the one who’ll be inevitably left behind.

Or maybe there’s really nothing that you compare her to. There’s no one like Sparkle across the universe, and there’s nothing you can do to make her stay any longer. Sparkle comes in and out of your life as she pleases, without any reason or warning. 

Trying to enforce logic onto her madness will probably drive her away all the sooner. The only way to keep her around is to have no expectation at all.

Sparkle swings her legs over the edge of the theater stage as you cross-legged next to her, thumbing through your recent script. Notes and highlights thickly scatter the worn pages, and you tap a pencil to your chin thoughtfully. 

“You should just cast me as the leading actress if you’re going to make a face like that. What are you so worried about?” A finger presses into the furrow between your brows, and you wince.

“Sparkle! That hurt.”

“Sorry,” she says casually. “But you’re so distracted. I’m right here, you know?”

“Wait. Do you mean what you said? Do you really want to join our play?” you ask, rubbing your forehead. “There’s probably a minor part I could–”

“Nope! Sounds boring, director.” She leans in and kisses the spot she has just poked, her lips as faint as butterfly wings.

“You said you wanted to join…”

“I didn’t say that. You’re assuming,” she says archly. “I just said you should cast me.”

“Okay, okay.” 

Sparkle hops up onto the stage, circling the worn wood, steps so light she might as well not have been touching the ground. It’s her favorite place to meet you, this small, shabby stage. It’s the one your troupe always performs at, the one always willing to host your various dramas and plays. 

The seats are covered in nubby velvet, and the lights flicker hotly above the two of you. Someone like Sparkle must have been on grander stages, surely, yet she still treats this tiny place reverentially. It’s not because of you. You’re not so arrogant as to think that.

Maybe she loves any stage at all, anywhere where she can perform, in the same way you do. Dreams unfurl like blooming flowers in this place. Stories spring to life, and actors captivate with the sweat on their brow and the arc of their gesturing arms.

But you shouldn’t prescribe your own feelings to her. Your relationship, after all, is a play, too: there is no past and no future, only the ever eternal present moment. You can’t call her by anything but her name.

Sparkle’s loop around the stage has brought her back to you. She looks down on you, smiling, and you tilt your head up. She could kiss you. Maybe she will, with how she leans her head down, but then Sparkle skips away, and your lips burn with the promise of her lost offer.

“Did you want something?” she says.

“If it’s from you, I’ll accept anything.”

You must have spoken the wrong words from the script, because her steps stop. You can’t hear them echo behind you.

“How boring,” she says flatly, somewhere out of your sight, and when you try to find her with your gaze, she’s no longer there.

Sparkle has vanished without a goodbye, leaving you alone under the lights by yourself. But that’s how it works, after all. She’s not yours. You’re hers, playing the roles of a dutiful relationship until the curtain falls.

The next time she appears in your life again, she does so without preamble. She sprouts out of nowhere, easily leaning her head on your shoulder, like she hasn’t been gone for the past few weeks, easily slotting back into her role as a loving partner as her arms encircle your waist. 

You’re on the stage again. During production, you arrive earlier and leave later than the rest of your troupe, but sometimes, even when there’s nothing going on, you like to come here just to think. Your thoughts are magnified by the empty seats and the cavernous space.

And, more than anything, it has the highest possibility of drawing Sparkle to you. Your home, cafes, scenic parks: none of those capture her attention. They’re predictable spaces. But on the stage, anything can happen.

“When’s your next production?” she asks you.

“We’re going to start rehearsal in a few weeks,” you say. “Do you want to come?”

“Hmmm.”

“If you have time, why don’t you stop by?” you venture. “It could be fun for you.”

The arms around you tighten like a vice. “Fun? You think it could be fun for me to be up here, with your troupe?”

“Yes! I mean, I’ve been around enough actors to tell when people care about the stage. And it looks like you love it, more than anyone else I’ve ever met. It’s impressive.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

In one swift movement, you’re pulled around and pinned down against the stage, Sparkle’s hands tightly gripping your shoulders. She smiles down at you, and despite the pleasant crinkle of her eyes, all you can see is the flash of teeth in her mouth, fangs glinting in the light. 

“Tell me. What side of me do you really like?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I said what I said. It’s because I want to know,” she says coyly. “That way I can best match your preferences. Do you like it when I’m sweet and cute? Or do you prefer maturity and elegance? Oh, but you always seem to like my jokes, too.��� 

You cup your hand around her cheek, curling your fingers against the skin like it belongs there. Sparkle doesn’t react; you think you could do anything to her and she would give you the same flat stare.

She’s observing you, the dutiful actor, ready to adlib and adjust to however you try to change the script.

“What brought this on?” you murmur.

Her fingers claw into your shoulders, nails digging deeply enough that you wince at the prick of pain, at the sensation that cuts through fabric and into your flesh. “Tell me. There’s a part everyone wants others to play. Who do you want me to be?”

“Sparkle…”

She doesn’t look anything like the girl you know. Everything about her is flat, like a smooth canvas, unmarred by the stroke of a brush. A painter, waiting for your words to fill her with color and purpose.

You slowly raise your free hand and pull her mask onto her face. Sparkle’s fingers loosen momentarily, her eyes obscured by a grinning fox, and you swiftly pull her face down to you. You press a kiss against the coolness of her mask, the material slippery under your lips. 

“It doesn’t matter to me. Whatever part you want to play, I’ll adore it,” you whisper. “Because it’s always you playing it.”

Sparkle jerks back, her hands falling from your shoulders. She rolls off of you but then she pulls herself into a sitting position, her movements graceful and lithe. “What’s with that? I was joking, you know. You’re taking me too seriously.”

“I meant it though,” you say earnestly. “An actor is both their role and the person underneath. So I’ll also love both.”

“Weirdo.”

“Am I?”

“You are. I’m bored now,” she announces.

“But you just got here.”

Sparkle hops up. “So? I’m bored. You’re saying all these weird things, and it’s not fun at all.”

You bite your lip. She’s unknown to you right now. She’s always been unknown to you, and everything you can read from her gestures are things that Sparkle wants you to see. Now there’s nothing.

“All right. You know you’re always welcome here, if you want to come back.”

“If I feel like it. But I know why you’re telling me this.” She taps a finger against her chin.  “You’re going to be waiting for me until I come back, right? It might be cute to see what kind of face you’ll make if I make you wait.”

“... Don’t keep me waiting for long,” you say.

Sparkle doesn’t respond. In a flash, she disappears, leaving nothing behind to signal that she existed. She might really be a beautiful dream, then, someone that only exists in your imagination, in your hopes for the stage.

You hug your arms to your chest. Sparkle comes and goes, tugging your heart along as she pleases. She’s the main actress, and even you, the director, has to go along with her whims. As soon as it’s “boring,” she’ll leave, so you always need to prepare an entertaining script for your whimsical actress.

On a stage that’s already been set, Sparkle plays whatever part she desires. A firefly, a dream, an ordinary lover. But no matter what face she shows you or what role she plays, you’ll love them all.

[psychospore]

Parallel Lines

A/N: sharing the angst I'm feeling lol

Masterlist

Summary: You and Loki were truly, madly, deeply in love with each other - until he decided to marry the prettiest girl, the Princess of Alfheim.

Pairing: Prince!Loki x Low-Ranking Noble Asgardian!Reader

Warning: Angst, Mutual Pining, Lovers to Strangers

Finally, Prince Loki is getting married - not just to anyone but to the finest princess from Alfheim, much to everyone's delight except you.

He was your world, and you were his too once but fate is such a cruel mistress and here you are trying to hold back the tears as you walk towards the great hall to witness the marriage of your beloved to another woman - a woman who was leagues better than you could ever be.

You wanted to run away but as the daughter of a low-ranking noble, you were there to represent your house in the absence of your parents. Soon, you will swear your allegiance to the Prince and his new wife.

It was a grand celebration, grander than all you have seen before but you wanted to run home and cry as soon as it ends, and wallow in sadness. It felt like forever and each second of the ceremony stung like needles. Never did Loki glance in your direction all throughout, you doubt he even knew you were there or did he ever care? What hurt the most was when you saw Loki smiled as he cupped the cheek of his wife for a kiss.

Right after the wedding, the people crowded to cheer for the newlyweds but you decided it would be the best time to leave. As you walked away, tears pooled from your eyes and blurred your vision. It was too painful for you. Deep in your thoughts, you were startled when someone grabbed you by the wrist. It was Loki.

You stared at his solemn eyes for some time, eyes still red and stinging and words unable to form in your mouth.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know you would be here," he apologized.

You wiped the tears from your eyes, "Oh - I must have gotten something in my eye," you lied "Congratulations on your wedding. I'm so happy for you," another lie. Tears started to pool again.

You knew the Prince of Lies would see through it, but does it even matter what you feel. You did not come here on your own accord, it's just a formality as part of a noble house.

"I still love you," he said.

"You are a married man now, there's no room for me to be there in your heart. I have loved you greatly and I still do but you have found yourself a perfect match," you answered as a lump in your throat forms, breaking your voice.

"I have my duty to the people. Still, a selfish part of me yearns for you. Every time I look at her, it's you I desire - despite her perfection, it's you, always has and always will be, darling, "

"Please, no more excuses, Loki. What we were is but a figment of the past. Let her be the only one there in your heart. She deserves it. I am glad I've met you but there's no more "us" moving forward. May the gods grant me the selfish wish of never crossing paths again with you, not in this life or in another."

You walked away without hearing Loki's response - not once looking back. Loki fell to his knees in frustration and regret, but you are right - he made his decision when he accepted the proposal and you don't deserve to be hurt any longer. He lost the love of his life forever.

[theredengineapologist]

From the ttte movies you seen, whats your fav?

✨THE GREAT RACE✨

The Great Race is THE BEST ONE! I may not have seen most of the other movies yet, but I'm very sure NOTHING is ever gonna beat this movie for me.

You're telling me they made a Thomas movie centered around what is basically a Train Pageant (tm) AND they made it a MUSICAL!!??? Hell yeah! Sign me up!

But then you actually get in to the movie and it gets even better.

EVERY SONG IS A BOP! EVERY! 👏 SINGLE! 👏ONE! 👏 THERE WAS NOT A SINGLE MISS IN THIS MOVIE! I don't know what they were on, but they were pumping out JAM after JAM!

Secondly, I think the Great Railway Show was a great way to introduce more foreign engines into the show in a way that made sense. Pity that we didn't really get to see much of them. But I also feel like we didn't really need to. I mainly just liked that we got to SEE them.

One of the things I LOVE about Brenner Era CGI Thomas is how the world of Sodor feels so much bigger. In the model series I get this sense that the Island of Sodor is this quaint little English countryside island where nothing much happens, and the engine's shenanigans are the most interesting things to happen in day-to-day life. Whereas I feel like in Brenner Era CGI Thomas, the world feels much grander. Still very much an English countryside island. But the island itself feels much bigger. The engines and the people living on it feel much busier. And in some ways I would say the cast itself feels more diverse once they gave the characters unique voices. I'm a sucker for shows that allow their characters to speak in different dialects, and giving Duck his West Country accent and the narrow gauge engines Welsch accents honestly endeared them to me more.

Anyway, main point I'm trying to get at is that the introduction of The Great Railway Show helped to expand the Thomas universe and show the rest of the world interacting with Sodor and vice-versa, even if only for a short period of time. It adds to the grandness of the world.

I also really like Thomas's arc in this movie. With how often he gets picked on for being a "little engine" over the course of the series, it's no wonder the guy's a little self conscious. If the narrator called me "short and stumpy" three times in a row I'd be pretty self-conscious too lol. But jokes aside, I did like seeing Thomas have conflict with this part of his identity. His verses in "You Can Only Be You" really made me feel for him, and I loved being able to see him finally come around at the end.

And of course, we can't talk about The Great Race without mentioning

HOW PRETTY JAMES'S DECORATIVE PAINTWORK IS!!!

LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT MY PRETTY BOY! GAZE UPON HIS BEAUTY AND HIS SPLENDIDNESS!!!

And you know what? I'm gonna say it. James deserved to win Best Decorated Engine. Sorry not sorry RAJIV! But they don't call me the Red Engine Apologist for nothing! My pookie deserved to win!

One of these days I've got to do humanized versions of James's and Emily's looks from this movie. I can see it very clearly in my head but I also want to, um, draw other characters HAHAHAHA

Anyway, TLDR, The Great Race was an amazing movie with a killer soundtrack, great story, and a concept that appeals to ME SPECIFICALLY. I also genuinely think it would adapt very well into a stage musical (similar in visual style to the Spongebob musical). I have a clear vision in my head for what it would look like but unfortunately I don't have the money nor resources to make it a reality so it would just stay in my head. But just know that every time I watch this movie I am actively thinking about how I would hypothetically adapt this to the stage.

I''ve spent WAY too much time rambling about The Great Race but yeah, there's your answer.

Also if you're curious, here's every Thomas movie I've watched so far ranked from favorite to least favorite.

The Great Race (obviously)

Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure (Thomas had a great arc in this one, "Never Overlook a Little Engine" was fun, and visuals are spectacular. Solid movie but it can't beat the campiness of The Great Race)

The Adventure Begins (Solid movie. The other two are just more fun imo)

Tale of the Brave (It was a good movie and I probably would have appreciated it more if I watched it in High Quality. But unfortunately I can't stand Kerry Shale James and so I chose to watch a grainy upload on YouTube instead.)

Journey Beyond Sodor (I'm sorry to my one mutual (you know who you are) who said this was their favorite movie. But unfortunately, in my opinion, the songs do not slap as hard as in The Great Race)

[marvelousmagicalaura]

This post is gonna be part-theorycrafting, part-praise.

Leras' death in both Realms is so heartbreaking. RIP Leras, He did his best. He did what Ruin either could not or was no longer able to. He heard the thoughts of all humans. He listened to the hearts of men. Leras hoped and trusted in humanity and it paid off 😭😢💔

And I have theories on why he interacted the way he did with Kelsier and Elend. Also, reading these passages again makes me tear up.

Leras’ death in the Cognitive Realm. Leras didn’t know if the atium in the Pits of Hathsin would be burned off by the atium Mistings. He didn’t know if before the Well’s next cycle he would survive the mental decay or Ruin’s attempt to Splinter Preservation. He even disagrees with Rashek’s actions.

I theorize Leras knew three things needed to happen for the atium Mistings and The Hero of Ages to finally occur: 1) Rashek needed to die, 2) the atium in the Pits of Hathsin needed to be “destroyed,” and 3) The Shard needed to survive Ruin’s direct attacks and get to Vin. 1 is impossible without a proper rebellion (Kelsier’s persistence) and sufficient Allomantic power (Vin drawing the Mists). 2 is impossible without someone with the drive to accomplish such a ballsy move. 3 is tricky because Leras’ mind is so frayed, so he likely needed a middleman to pass the Shard onto Vin.

I think Leras saw into the future at some point, and came to the conclusion that Kelsier might be the person for the job. So in Kelsier’s darkest moment - on the night of Mare’s death - he Snapped Kelsier and commanded him to Survive. Maybe gave him metal reserves to burn. I think Leras deliberately bestowed the power of Allomancy to Kelsier and inspired him to escape the Pits; to become the Survivor of Hathsin and fulfill the next steps of the plan. Much like how Kelsier himself told Spook to Hope and keep moving, or commanded him to Survive, or brought him into a vision. Kelsier did all that to accomplish a precognitive plan to encourage Marsh to rip out Vin’s earring; thus allowing Vin to take up the Mists and Shard.

I think Leras pulled the same con on Kelsier, but on a grander scale.

Whatever the reason, Kelsier felt the end like a long, drawn-out sigh. It sent a chill up his spine, and he scrambled to find a thread of Preservation. They had been all over the ground earlier in his trip, but now he found nothing. “Fuzz!” he screamed. “Preservation!” Kelsier… The voice vibrated through him. Goodbye. “Hell, Fuzz,” Kelsier said, searching the sky. “I’m sorry. I…” He swallowed. Odd, the voice said. After all these years appearing for others as they died, I never expected… that my own passing would be so cold and lonely… “I’m here for you,” Kelsier said. No. You weren’t. Kelsier, he’s splitting my power. He’s breaking it apart. It will be gone… Splintered… He’ll destroy it. “Like hell he will,” Kelsier said, dropping his pack. He reached inside, gripping the glowing orb filled with liquid. It’s not for you, Kelsier, Preservation said. It’s not yours. It belongs to another. “I’ll get it to her,” Kelsier said, taking up the sphere. He drew in a deep breath, then used Nazh’s knife to smash the orb, spraying his arm and body with the glowing liquid. Lines like threads burst out from him. Glowing, effulgent. Like the “lines from burning steel or iron, except they pointed at everything. Kelsier! Preservation said, his voice strengthening. Do better than you have before! They called you their god, and you were casual with their faith! The hearts of men are NOT YOUR TOYS. “I…” Kelsier licked his lips. “I understand. My Lord.“ “Do better, Kelsier, Preservation commanded, his voice fading. If the end comes, get them below ground. It might help. And remember… remember what I told you, so long ago… Do what I cannot, Kelsier… SURVIVE. The word vibrated through him, and Kelsier gasped. He knew that feeling, remembered that exact command. He’d heard that voice in the Pits. Waking him, driving him forward. Saving him. Kelsier bowed his head as he felt Preservation fade, finally, and stretch into the darkness.

Preservation’s death in the Physical Realm. This is much simpler, I think.

I think he probably wanted to give Elend hints of his plan for the atium Mistings. I think he was pointing northeast to an area near Luthadel - the Pits of Hathsin and the Homeland. The waves he gave for the questions on the mists and the pointing to Elend’s metals… Leras was giving hints that the Mists were Snapping people into Allomancers.

His final, hesitant wave. The sign that beating Ruin and surviving is a tiny possibility.

The mist spirit evaporating… that’s the Survivor taking up the power to give to the Ascendant Warrior. Preventing the power from being Splintered. Freeing the god’s frayed mind from its timeless burden.

The creature fell still. It was getting harder and harder to see it in the mists. Elend flared his tin, but that didn’t make the creature any more distinct. It seemed to be… fading. “Where was it you wanted me to go?” Elend asked, more for himself than expecting an answer. “You pointed… east? Did you want me to go back to Luthadel?” It waved with half-enthusiasm again. “Do you want me to attack Fadrex City?” It stood still. “Do you not want me to attack Fadrex City?” It waved vigorously. Interesting, he thought. “The mists,” Elend said. “They’re connected to all this, aren’t they?” Waving. “They’re killing my men,” Elend said. It stepped forward, then stood still, somehow looking urgent. Elend frowned. “You reacted to that. You mean to say they aren’t killing my men?” It waved. “That’s ridiculous. I’ve seen the men fall dead.” It stepped forward, pointing at Elend. He glanced down at his sash. “The coins?” he asked, looking up. It pointed again. Elend reached into his sash. All that was there were his metal vials. He pulled one out. “Metals?” It waved vigorously. It just continued to wave and wave. Elend looked down at the vial. “I don’t understand.” The creature fell still. It was getting more and more vague, as if it were evaporating. “Wait!” Elend said, stepping forward. “I have another question. One more before you go!” It stared him in the eyes. “Can we beat it?” Elend asked softly. “Can we survive?” Stillness. Then, the creature waved just briefly. Not a vigorous wave—more of a hesitant one. An uncertain one. It evaporated, maintaining that same wave, the mists becoming indistinct and leaving no sign that the creature had been there. … I don’t know why Preservation decided to use his last bit of life appearing to Elend during his trek back to Fadrex. From what I understand, Elend didn’t really learn that much from the meeting. By then, of course, Preservation was but a shadow of himself—and that shadow was under immense destructive pressure from Ruin. Perhaps Preservation—or, the remnants of what he had been—wanted to get Elend alone. Or, perhaps he saw Elend kneeling in that field, and knew that the emperor of men was very close to just lying down in the ash, never to rise again. Either way, Preservation did appear, and in doing so exposed himself to Ruin’s attacks. Gone were the days when Preservation could turn away an Inquisitor with a bare gesture, gone—even—were the days when he could strike a man down to bleed and die. By the time Elend saw the “mist spirit,” Preservation must have been barely coherent. I wonder what Elend would have done, had he known that he was in the presence of a dying god—that on that night, he had been the last witness of Preservation’s passing. If Elend had waited just a few more minutes on that ashen field, he would have seen a body—short of stature, black hair, prominent nose—fall from the mists and slump dead into the ash. As it was, the corpse was left alone to be buried in ash. The world was dying. Its gods had to die with it.

However, putting these plans into motion isn’t the same as knowing they’ll come true. Leras probably didn’t know if Kelsier would succeed in destroying the Pits’ atium or in giving the Shard to Vin. He certainly didn’t know if Elend would succeed in leading the atium Mistings to the Homeland.

Futuresight in the Cosmere, or at least the Hail Marys and fragile distant possibilities in Leras’ plan, seem to be split into maybes because of free will. If the figures in The Plan made the “wrong” decisions, made different decisions, or lost hope in the world, Ruin would’ve easily won. Their “right” decisions required them to just… live their lives. If Rashek, Vin, and Sazed living different lives meant their Connections to the Shards might’ve been completely different from what we know. Different Connections meant they couldn't hold the powers Leras wanted them to.

Leras listened the hearts of men, gave them nudges and tools, and hoped for the best outcomes.

[lottiecrabie]

The new galatea blurb is so!!! The fact that she still has feelings for him after all this time

you see i don’t know that she has. i think there’s definitely Something still there between them, but it’s a lot more vague. i’d describe it more as still mourning all of it.

she says that she sees him and feels like she’s back in august, which although is the month they were together, it’s also the one they fell apart. part of her reminiscing is just that; although she says she’s moved on, she can’t help that she’ll always remember him, remember all the little details she learned about him, remember that summer. she can move on, but she can’t stop being haunted.

‘parts of her wake up’, but she explicitly says it’s not her love or feelings for him, but the want to hope and yearn. to be pygmalion, to make him up. not to crush, but to have a crush. she describes that pain as exquisite, showing that somewhere she did enjoy it.

when matty looks at her, he’s able to hold her stare because there’s no love or anger or any strong emotion in it. even if she’s in her feels, it’s still not as big and overwhelming as it used to be.

and although she does admit that they still have some kind of pull and connection, that she still has tunnel vision with him and feels like they’re in their own little universe, when it’s over, when the moment stops, she’s able to return to the present. to look at all these strangers and know they’re just as real as him and as what happened between the two of them.

in the end, i think she’s more still hurt about it than actually having feelings for him. there’s also definitely a question of habits! she has a very active imagination and i think it’s just in her nature to Romanticize everything and make any moment feel Grander or whatever. i see her acting like this any time she sees an ex lmao. my delusional queen<3

Anyways sorry u sent me a little sweet ask and got me ranting. glad u liked it though!

[yuorumi]

━ "welcome home"

includes: kaedehara kazuha x gn! reader

note: hello! I was your secret santa @serenity-ren-bliss ! I hope you like it! I'm so sorry this is late 😭💙

merry christmas! ☃️

He had been a member of the Crux for a considerable amount of time; they had treated him like family when he joined the group and cared for him. When his stay on the ship proved to be longer than he had anticipated, it was a delightful surprise. Why does his heart crave for more when he values this acceptance and appreciates all the crew members? It wasn't something as trivial as materialistic avarice, but rather something more significant, grander, and indescribable.

And for once, the samurai was left stumped.

If he had to ask himself why he was feeling this way, he would have been able to trace the origin of the feeling to the instant he set foot on Liyue's shores. The Crux was entrusted with transporting the travelers home to their country so they could reconnect with their families when the vision hunt degree had been formally deemed to be over.

Each person was running across the docks, choking back tears as they spotted the people they cherished just meters away after being parted for such a long time. He could see them all. Each one is in momentary shock, wondering whether what they are seeing is just a delusion or a dream as their bodies quake, the tension on their shoulders eases, and their hands try to reach out. Time seemed to have halted, as if a divine being were observing them from above and delaying this sorrowful reunion to take in the emotions captured in this image. Everything didn't appear to move again until God forced it to. The news that a relative of their family or a close friend had perished in the battle prompted some individuals to grieve, while others take a moment to breathe in the comforting air of the familiar surroundings.

Instead of soothing him down, the sight simply made him feel more tense. His fists curled into a tight fist as he felt disgust well up inside of him. The sensation he was experiencing is similar to the black, dense sludge that lurks in the Chasm; it would spread until he had a fluorescent light to lull the spawn beneath the surface cracks until it is time for it to be purified once more. He had never experienced anything like this before, not even when his clan was about to collapse. It was an unpleasant sensation he hopes he never has to go through again.

Why is it that he feels this way towards such a happy occasion?

It took him hours of pondering to finally have his question answered. The solution lies within the yearning for a real family.

The Crux may have acknowledged him as part of their crew, but even the people on this crowded ship cannot fulfill the role he was looking for. 

Kazuha would never define himself as greedy, but in this particular moment, all he wanted was to be welcomed into the arms of someone who was eagerly expecting his return while he was at sea — speaking the words that had long been withheld from him. A rather foolish wish. He was the last son of the Kaedehara clan, his family no longer, and the people on the fleet sailed with him on the ocean, so there was no one to welcome him home unless he left to wander the lands again, which he has no current intention of doing so.

It was a troublesome conundrum.

However, it wasn't completely impossible. Perhaps it was fate or a fortuitous stroke of luck that, not long after he had begun to comprehend his thoughts, he would run into you, the one person who could grant all his wishes.

“Oh! I'm truly sorry! I missed seeing you there. "  You sincerely apologize as you bow before him.

"I too should apologize, I was too lost in thought to notice that I was about to bump into you," Kazuha said, shaking his head and putting a modest palm to his chest as he also bowed and expressed regret for his carelessness, "I hope you aren't wounded," he says politely, his eyes closed, offering a polite smile.

"No, I'm fine, are you - " you gasp in horror as you notice that his top has been entirely damaged by the black-back perch stew you were carrying. You were lucky to only get a few droplets on you; the gentleman before you was not so lucky. "Oh please - let me wash your top for you! It's the least I can do for causing you this much trouble! " You plead, watching as you see him dust off the remnants of the dish on his clothes.

“Oh no, it's okay; I've been meaning to wash it for a while but haven't had much of a chance to do so.” He gave a soft chuckle while maintaining his smile, his eyes twisting with mirth as he watched you in a state of pure terror, entirely ignoring the bowl of stew you had previously ordered for yourself in favor of gauging the extent of the damage to his top.

You give him a piece of cloth you have on hand and aggressively shake your head while arguing, "I insist, please."  Perhaps it was the way your eyes look obstinate and insistent on helping him, or perhaps it was the way your scent seems so... hearty and warm that he finds it in himself unable to resist.

“Very well. In exchange, please let me treat you to any dish you’d like at Wanmin restaurant. It's the least I can do to compensate for the destroyed black-back perch stew.”

This was just the first of many interactions you two would have in the future. 

The sun had long since set and the moon shone brightly in the sky as Kazuha crossed the bridge above the pond to the left of Liyue. The mild breeze was gently tussling Kazuha's hair as he traveled across the bridge when he encountered another figure at its very center. And for a while the only activity for a while was the fishes pushing their bodies against the chilly water.

You were leaning against the stone fence, the moon above you illuminating every feature of your physique and giving you a heavenly shine that Kazuha was unable to adequately explain because what he was witnessing was indescribable in terms of mortal language. The distance between your two bodies disappears as he moves forward several steps at a time, his arms encircling your body in an embrace that you joyfully return.

His arms remain in place as you turn to face him. You softly grasp his face as you draw closer to him and plant a tender kiss on his lips. "Welcome home, Kazuha," you say while flashing him a smile reminiscent of the sun that had long since set. He reciprocated by flashing you a smile of his own. Those words never fail to show him the unwavering love that he feels so undeserving of. 

"I'm home," he said, closing his eyes, reclining against your body, and burying his face in the crook of your neck. His chest felt warm and soft in contrast to the frigid air. He never thought that he could receive a gift of a family again.

[kukkakisu]

Hello! Been quietly admiring your OCs but I’m dying to know:

What is the range and specifics of the Conductor’s abilities? By hypnotizing other nutcrackers, is it a telepathic connection? Mind control? How many nutcrackers? Is there an upper limit?

I’m curious as to what purpose he would serve in the grander scheme of your world. I can imagine he would be useful as a leader of a unit during the war (presuming it happened in your world ofc, if not, please don’t mind this question)

Ethics? (If any) He clearly loves Naava (super cute). How did they meet? (Can I please give her a hug? I love moss and she seems so fluffy despite definitely being able to kill me)

Sorry for the barrage of questions haha

Aaaa!! Thank you for dropping by and no need to apologize! I love questions about my characters! It gives me an excuse to talk about them and boy do I have a lot to say. Also just to clarify, while it's fine to use any pronouns of Conductor, Naava is genderless and goes by they/it! I'm sure that it wouldn't mind hugging employees, as long as you're nice to them and the other monsters in the manor! They give very good hugs and the moss on it is very fluffy and soft! :) Conductor was originally designed with two purposes in mind. One was to make communication and tracking between humans and the creatures used as weapons easier. Secondly, it was meant to directly counter the Coilheads. It was very much meant to be a "leader" unit for the Nutcrackers which leads us to how its abilities work. The hypnosis is visual, works through eye contact, and is both telepathic and controlling in nature. Conductor's eye isn't completely organic due to the way it was built to work. It's a mix of organic and digital matter, that transmits data to its creators. It works both ways though so it can in turn track anything it has added to its "network" and control what those attached to it do. Visual contact with other nutcrackers enables it to add them to its network and give them commands to do. It can also communicate with anything in the network telepathically and can tell if the connection between it and something else is severed. While I can't give exact numbers, it was meant to have a long-range and a large maximum capacity. The more things it tracks though, the easier it is to miss when one doesn't act the way it's supposed to and makes mistakes a lot more likely. Additionally the further away something goes, the fuzzier the connection gets. It is a lot easier to track than command, especially as the numbers go up. Commands have to be simple and clear and if Conductor isn't focused-- the connection can break. Due to its purpose to work against Coilheads, it has excellent vision and was often positioned either high above or in other places with a lot of visibility. Basically, a long-distance unit that was meant to keep Coilheads neutralized while simultaneously providing valuable information to its makers. Additionally, its eye detects radiation. Particularly large amounts of it, which makes it easier to spot Coilheads and stop them from moving. Originally, it had a rifle to aid it with its job as well, although its primary objective wasn't to kill but to neutralize, track, and command. Its maker always told it, it was special. Not like the others. More valuable and more important. Even long after the war, it had internalized and still believed their words. This led to it becoming arrogant and because of it, Conductor ended up getting ambushed by a group of scrappers. As it wasn't originally meant for short-range combat, it got damaged severely by them and lost both its rifle and its other hand as a result. Its head also took a considerable amount of damage, leaving it very loosely attached and crooked. Left to lay on the ground miserably, the Nutcracker was seething. It never imagined something as simple as humans would be the ones to take it down and it made it feel angry and humiliated.

This is where Naava comes in. They are the reason Conductor survived and got accustomed to the changes in its body. Naava took care of it and helped it recover. It feels like it owes its life to them. At first, it didn't show gratitude as it was too stubborn to admit needing help but it was mesmerized by them the very second it saw them. It's not just the looks that caught its attention though. It admires both how strong and kind they are.

With Conductor's recovery, it had to change its approach to combat completely. While it could have taken a shotgun from the other Nutcrackers in the facility, it couldn't use it due to the loss of its arm. It had to learn to defend itself in other ways and with time became excellent at short-range combat, perhaps partially due to its rage towards the humans that had beaten it once. It seeks to gain revenge if they ever come back to the moon.

Ethic wise, it is still a somewhat selfish, angry creature that thinks of itself to be on a higher level than most of the other Nutcrackers and monsters. It won't hesitate to kill anything that pisses it off or that it just sees as something to be removed from the manor. Naava (and by extension, CC) are the only few people it is much more kind with. It does feel a sense of responsibility for other Nutcrackers though (particularly those it tracks and controls), and wants to keep them in top condition. If any harm comes their way, it will protect them fiercely and put itself on the front lines without any hesitation. It does also honor the idea of duels and will agree to one with anyone that suggests it. It values strong fighters and while it is still somewhat harsh, Conductor's heart and view of the world have softened quite a lot thanks to Naava's influence.

There are a few more details of Conductor but they include spoilers for the v50 beta. So, this is your spoiler warning. Read at your own risk!

The Old Birds are chill with Conductor and it used to ride them during the war. Especially when they were up in the air. An excellent place to be in, when you have to keep an eye on a large area. It's not exactly known how Conductor manages to get them to listen without hypnosis, but they seem to like and understand the Nutcracker a lot better than the humans. It is speculated they communicate through binary thanks to the similarities in their systems.

They won't shoot it and quiet down around it. They also like carrying it around, if Conductor ever goes outside and one is nearby.

That's all for now. Thank you for asking and reading! :)

[hoursofreading]

As a leftist, my core political assumption is that we are all responsible for each other’s material well-being, that we have a duty to build the kind of society where everyone’s basic needs are met, where everyone enjoys a certain degree of material comfort, and where our rights are respected equally regardless of race, religious, sexual and gender identity, ethnicity, or creed. That is the kind of mutual caring that I signed up for when I became politically conscious as a teenager. I never signed up for a vision of a society that helps everyone out there to constantly feel valid, mostly because society could never achieve such a thing. Nobody walks around feeling good about themselves all the time! Where on earth did people get the idea that human beings are meant to enjoy a permanent sense of mental security and social validity? That’s a totally unworkable and in fact quite cruel standard. If you want to be good to yourself, I suggest that you stop expecting society to be your therapist and go see licensed medical professionals in private to address the issues in your life that are appropriately treated that way. And if you want to be good to your society, I suggest you help to defeat the medicalization of everything, the casualization of the concept of trauma, the celebration of mental disorders, the assumption that everything that makes us unhappy is an injustice, the insistence that all conflict is abuse, and the infantilization of the human animal. That’s the best way to help. I would never respond to someone telling me that they’re in pain by saying that I don’t care. In fact I’ve spent hours talking complete strangers through mental health crises. But if you care for people you try to walk them towards self-reliance, dignity, and toughness. Not from a lack of compassion, but precisely out of compassion. What compassion calls for is not pop therapy or affirmation but the extension of adult respect, helping people to endure a tragic earth. What’s required in the days ahead is for all of us to be a little harder on ourselves while we fight like hell for a world with less poverty, racism, injustice, sexism, and inequality. And we have to unwind a lot of bad habits of mind that have become inescapable before they hurt more people than they already have. Yeah, sometimes you have imposter syndrome. And sometimes you feel like an imposter because you actually do suck at what you’re trying to do. Sometimes she’s not a narcissist, she just doesn’t love you the way you want her to, and she never will. Sometimes you don’t have ADHD, you just hate your job. Sometimes your boss isn’t a sociopath, he’s just correctly identified you as unqualified for a leadership position. Sometimes you really do have schizophrenia, only there’s nothing glamorous or exciting or romantic about it, and now you’re fat from meds and trying to hold down a steady job and going to support group to drink grainy coffee and hear people tell the same stories over and over again. And sometimes you’re just in pain because the world didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, and you’re trying to scratch out a life you can live with, and you get overwhelmed with your mundane unhappiness on the subway home from work, and you think to yourself that it must be true that your suffering is something grander, something that calls out for medical attention and reasonable accommodation, something more that makes it easier. But it isn’t and it doesn’t and there isn't and you're just another good, deserving human being filled with the pain of being alive. I’m sorry. I am genuinely so sorry. You wanted things, and you didn't get them, and it hurts. You wanted to be something else, and you're what you are, and it hurts. You thought life would be more than it is, and it isn't, and it hurts. Me too. All of it hurts. So let it hurt.

Prologue to an Anti-Therapeutic, Anti-Affirmation Movement

[abyssalzones]

favorite deep sea creature?

sorry this one took so long to answer. it's also very long. but I feel like you knew what you were getting into when you asked tumblr user "abyssalzones" what his favorite deep sea creature is.

now immediately my mind jumped to coelacanths because they're among my favorite fish Ever for a multitude of reasons, such as (but not limited to):

-their mystique (their fossilized ancestors were initially discovered in the 19th century, and due to their illusive nature were thought to have gone extinct at the end of the Cretaceous period until one was found alive by an unknown(?) fisherman off the coast of South Africa, and from there the discovery was accredited to museum curator Marjorie Courtenay-Latimar who spotted it in the day's catch. however it's worth mentioning fishermen in the eastern South African region may have known about the species before then. kind of a 'who can say if it wasn't written down' situation.)

-their beautiful blueness (others have waxed poetic about their appearance more skillfully than I, but just look at this guy. wow. albeit I have to wonder if how blue they appear is very dependent on lighting but whatever he's beautiful)

-and, finally, their importance as lobe-finned fish! (the two extant species of Coelacanth today- alongside lungfish, who are also incredibly cool- hold a unique position in taxonomy and evolutionary history as the only living non-tetrapod sarcopterygians that we know of ^_^ they used to be much more dominant as freshwater predators, but then the great dying came along and they suffered a significant decline. so, essentially, these guys are survivors! ...if you felt it necessary to frame it as such. and "sarcopterygian" more specifically describes them as belonging to the clade 'Sarcopterygii', which classifies them as lobe-finned bony fish. this contrasts the other clade of bony fish, Actinopterygii, which describes ray-finned bony fish. in essence, they are the great-great-great-great-ad-nauseum-grandparents of all tetrapods! very very important animals from a grander biological perspective.)

...however, after typing all of this out, I realize this is a little bit of a cop-out. Coelacanths, as cool as they are, are actually not the deepest of deep-sea fish. It's difficult to get the exact numbers on their whereabouts as, previously stated, they're pretty elusive guys, but generally during the daytime they're found about 100-500 meters deep, resting in caves and saving their energy for nocturnal reef-feeding. apparently they've been found to migrate deeper as well, but it still feels a little disingenuous (to me) to say that they're truly deep-sea animals.

...so if I want to live up to my username, I need to take you on a journey. to the abyssal zone. where you will find some truly terrifying, near-alien creatures, straight from the pits of Dante Alighieri's visions of hell, or Hieronymus Bosch's bizarre garden of earthly delights...!

no, not that guy! get him out of here. shoo.

Instead we're going to be talking about his big brother. his... very, very big brother.

okay so chances are you've seen this photo before, it circulates quite a bit online as "BIG FUCKING SCARY THING IN THE OCEAN" and it's pretty apparent why, but I'm incredibly fond of "Scary fucking thing in the ocean" in general, and as such I think this guy is delightful. I debated on picking a couple of different, lesser-known species from the abyssal-hadal range (such as various arctic amphipods), but if I'm honest I have a soft spot for cephalopods. typical, typical I know, I should be ashamed, but in this case I can safely say the Bigfin squid (genus Magnapinna) is anything but "typical".

oh, sure, there's a level of wonder healthily exacerbated by the rarity of sightings- but that's all we have! sightings and footage! well, that and washed-up corpses dating back to 1883, all being damaged juveniles that were never properly collected. even so, their significance and oddity isn't really made apparent until you see their adult form, which first came to science's attention properly in 2001 when some very grainy footage was captured by an oil drilling ship, the Milennium Explorer, in the gulf of Mexico.

he's shy.

I say "first came to science's attention" because the Bigfin had actually been recorded prior, all the way back to 1998, but no one had really gotten up out of their chair and started dancing around at the realization of holy shit, what is this thing? and from there further work was done on properly identifying and analyzing the species based on footage.

however... it's still just footage. there has not yet been a captured live specimen, nor a well-preserved cadaver, or... really anything to tell us more about this mysterious cephalopod, other than what we can tell visually and geographically. we know it sure looks distinctive compared to various species of squid (check out the elbows on that thing), we know the largest adult specimens seem to be about 25 feet long (with estimates going up to 40 feet), and we know it might be the deepest-occurring genus of squid (we've had sightings as deep as 6,212 meters below the surface- well into the hadal zone, actually, not just the abyssopelagic), but in terms of behavior? breeding? feeding habits?? there are a lot of unanswered questions. and that's not to discredit any legitimate scientific analysis, past or present, of the bigfin, but moreso to stress that it's a very mysterious creature we don't have much data on.

I think just in general, my favorite deep-sea creatures (and this extends to just about any species, sea-dwelling or otherwise) are those that do a very thorough job of not being found. I am driven by a deep curiosity into whatever is so weird and leads such an unimaginable life to us humans that it eludes the microscope or the scalpel time and time again.

oh, and bigfin squids kind of remind me of the alien controllers that fly around your head during the xen levels in half-life. so there's that as well.

[medievalcellphone]

hello your astrology readings are a fascinating delight... do you have thoughts for a scorpio sun cancer moon, rising sag with first house venus in capricorn? <3 thank you if you take the time.

scorpios...... i luv u all. with that and a cancer moon you must have strong convictions and r one to stand by them. like in some areas you have an ability to compromise, tho maybe it takes you a while, in other areas you simply cannot compromise. scorpio sun plus sag rising = creative. sorry. u are creative. u might benefit artistically from collaborating with others.... you are a taste maker of sorts.

the world that your consciousness inhabits is funneled through your intuition, perception and self introspection. you are at home when it comes to emotions, even if it's analyzing from a distance. you might have some blockage trusting yourself, fulfilling your quote un quote dreams, feeling safe revealing who you are/what you want on a grander scale maybe because of a need to please, or adapt to surroundings for self preservation-y reasons. like, if something makes it easier for others you'd rather go with that. more so in a public sense.

you are really sensitive to the moods of others and can easily fall into the general vibe of whatever others are bringing to a situation. 4better or 4worse. it can be hard for you to let go of the intensity of the emotional aspects of life. don't be clinging onto past hurt, don't like text an ex, dont be assuming the worst in others. you are a loyal person, you are a sentimental person, this chart really gives firmly planted in making sense of the world and doing the best you can with it. cancer moons are always deeply caring and incredibly understanding. but a placement with the tendency to be moody?

first house venus is wild bro in capricron at that! you crave stability in a relationship most of all. maybe it is hard to express your love, or deal with any sort of emotional/romantic uncertainty. you might be afraid of sharing yourself and your thoughts. maybe there is a fear of being the first one to say something. but venus in the first house is a great placement, you have an inherently magnetic/attractive personality. cap venus really enforces the moon in cancer um, like i said, big self preservation vibe. i would assume when it comes to taking care of yourself, you might recede into hermit the tarot card mode. the people you love you love very very intensely- they might feel like your only real sense of security.. something that is super important to hang onto. if you really really rEAlly trust someone, you let them in entirely. but most of the time u tend to project an image of being strong and end up working through emotions privately which can be badddd. talk to ppl more share things more.

ahh! so this is a concentrated chart. not like the chart shape but just. this comes across as a person with incredible focus when they find a place/whatever places they apply themselves to. but like. it has to be the right thing. this chart has purpose and depth of understanding, a guarded and very protective of oneself and others. fixation on one thing/tunnel vision sounds like a potential problem. that could be in many areas. don't romanticize the past! rely on your cautiousness but don't give into it.

i feel like i made this sound so intense, i don't mean 2 at all. scorpios aren't at all self serious they're just really perceptive, and with intensified perception comes a certain aura of Deep Thoughts (fixed ass sign). and all this being said, sag risings are so fun to be around, bright personalities, brings the fun with them, adventurous, everyone needs a friend with a sag rising im so serious. this is what ur chart is wearing in my mind:

here is a a song and another song and a movie

[scribblesforthemad]

There and Back Again - Part 14

Many, many thanks to @skyfall8600 whose excellent Sucked In series not only inspired this one, but brought me out of a years-long writing slump! The first few parts of this series are heavily inspired by her work, while diverging more significantly later on. Regardless, I wholeheartedly recommend her work, and thank her for allowing me to use a few of her excellent ideas!

series warnings: swearing, misogyny, canon-typical violence, fluff, insecurity; sfw but gets a little ~steamy~ in a couple places

part five warnings: swearing, canon-typical violence, ANGST, fluff

a/n: So sorry that this update took a little longer--I'm getting ready to move countries, and this week has been pretty crazy! Things are starting to ramp up for our heroes in this one babes

Edit: reposting this today bc the tags were acting up last night. Hopefully it cooperates today...

taglist: @superflannel @kaitebugg03

www.cnet.com

You were snuggled into Eddie’s chest when it happened.

The room around you started to rumble, the wind on the lake picking up into a miniature maelstrom. You were wide awake now, gasping for breath in the suddenly freezing air as you looked around wildly, having lost touch with Eddie in the chaos of the past few seconds. Just as you were opening your mouth to scream his name, you spotted him—and the word died on your lips.

He was still asleep, oblivious to the raging tempest swirling around you. You reached out your arm to shake him awake, to get him to safety—but just as your fingertips brushed his shoulder, the world stopped working.

Time slowed, and the noise outside was dampened to an almost eerie silence. Ever so slowly, you began to float above the bed. No, no, no, you thought, sure that Vecna would snap your bones and gouge out your eyes at any moment. But a moment later, you realized that couldn’t be happening, because you weren’t floating at all. You were falling.

You were falling up, toward the ceiling, slowly but surely as a drop of honey from a spoon. You spun your arms wildly, grasping for anything to hold you up—down?—but it was no use. While the furniture, the blankets, and even the sleeping form of Eddie were still anchored to the earth, you were being pulled inexorably toward the sky. You closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the inevitable collision with the ceiling—only it didn’t come.

You opened your eyes and found yourself standing in a house, one grander but more dilapidated than Reefer Rick’s. Pieces of the walls floated outward, suspended in the reddish sky as if frozen at the moment of explosion. Ash hung in the air around you, their movements slow and fluid as salt in water. Despite the thunderclouds overhead and the clear smell of a heavy storm, the world around you was utterly silent.

Waiting.

Did you think I had forgotten you, my pet?

The cold voice tore at your ears. You cried out in pain and fear, slamming your hands to the side of your head in a useless attempt to block Vecna’s words. A low chuckle filled the air, amused by your futile efforts.

Did you think your efforts to foil me had gone entirely unnoticed?

He laughed again, and you fell to your knees, a cloud of ash rising from the ground to cover you.

Useless, perhaps, but never unnoticed.

The ash dissipated, revealing a familiar scene. Dustin shouting from inside a trailer, you and Steve running toward the door as Eddie’s frantic cries rose into the night. You closed your eyes, knowing what was coming, but it did nothing to quiet the horrible cracking of Chrissy’s warped and mangled corpse.

Another cloud of ash momentarily obscured your vision; as soon as it cleared, you saw another scene: Nancy standing outside her car with her hands up as the officer aimed his gun at her, taking no notice as Fred’s face went pale and he wandered almost drunkenly toward the woods. When he disappeared into the trees, you heard screams and the snapping of bone as if they were right beside you. You shuddered, tears streaking through the grime on your face.

You took a shaky breath, trying to steel your nerves.

“This—this isn’t real,” you said, gritting your teeth against the cold and fear. “I am safe in bed with Eddie, and this is just another fucking nightmare.”

Ah, yes, the voice said, malicious humor creeping into its tone. How is Eddie? I heard there have been developments between the two of you. How very, very sweet.

You wanted to throw up, but your stomach muscles were too tight with fear to allow it. Instead, you curled into yourself, rocking back and forth on the ashy hilltop.

Have you considered, pet, that you are the one leading him to that field? To a meaningless death against a few pathetic flyers?

As if in response, a swarm of demobats swooped out of nowhere. They dove straight toward you, gaining speed with every instant until they were mere blurs in the ash around you. You screamed, raising your hands uselessly to defend yourself, waiting to feel their teeth and claws tear into your skin—but the pain didn’t come. Instead, the scene around you began to dissolve into particles of ash, leaving only the echo of Vecna’s final words in your mind.

I thank you for your service, Y/N. This will all be so much easier because of you.

*             *             *

You woke suddenly, gasping for air in the stillness of the small bedroom. Your eyes darted wildly, searching for the source of danger—but found only the darkness of early morning and the quiet lapping of the waves on the shore. You tried to slow your breathing, taking stock of your body as you did so. A nightmare, you told yourself, though doubt niggled at the back of your mind. Just a stupid nightmare.

You shivered violently, and realized that your entire body was coated in a cold sweat. Still, Eddie didn’t wake, his arms wrapped securely around you as he snored gently. You smiled weakly at the sound, lifting a dampened curl away from his face as he slept. He’s okay.

Carefully, you lifted his arms away from you, placing them back on the mattress as you silently slid out of bed. You knew, without a doubt, that sleep would not find you again, and you couldn’t bear to look at Eddie’s still, sleeping face so like that of a corpse.

You padded down the hall to the armchair, holding your knees to your chest as flashes of the dream came back to you. Am I really leading him to his death? You wondered, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Am I nothing more than Vecna’s puppet?

When Eddie found you several hours later, you hadn’t moved, still with a white-knuckled grip on your knees, staring at nothing while you shivered in the cold.

He tried to comfort you, tried to ask what was wrong, but you brushed him off with non-answers, too paralyzed with the fear of bringing him into further danger to admit what had scared you. He grew frustrated with your silence, and even more so with your refusal to let him help. You turned down his offers of food, of conversation, of further planning, not even raising your head when he regularly checked in with the others via walkie-talkie, making sure Max was okay. His face grew more drawn and his jaw muscles tighter with every passing hour as you stymied his attempts to help at every turn.

Eventually, the only concession you would make was to let him hold you. You lay on the couch together as he stroked your hair and whispered lovely things to you—but you heard none of them clearly, the words sounding as if they were being passed through a hundred layers of plastic before they reached your ears. The echoes of your nightmare were much clearer in your mind for all of that day, repeating over and over like some hellish heartbeat of guilt and misery.

I thank you for your service, Y/N. This will all be so much easier because of you.

*             *             *

When you woke from a blissfully dreamless sleep the next morning, your head was, thankfully, clearer. You sat up from your position on the couch, your movements causing Eddie to startle awake.

“Y/N? What’s wrong? Another nightmare, or—” You cut him off with a gentle shhhh, placing a no-longer-trembling finger to his pale and chapped lips.

“I’m alright now, Eddie,” you whispered, the corners of your mouth curving upward in a small, sad smile. “As alright as I can be.” He let out a huge sigh upon hearing your voice, his shoulders slumping visibly with the enormity of his relief.

“Oh, thank God,” he said, wrapping you in a fierce embrace. His strong arms held you close against him, his large hands supporting your back and your head with the tenderness and strength of a chivalric knight. “I thought I was losing you, Siren.” His voice broke on the nickname, and you stroked his hair soothingly, as he had done for you the day before.

“I’m still here,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I promise, Eddie. I’m not going anywhere.” He released you from the embrace, but still held your shoulders, looking you up and down to make damn sure that you really were alright.

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes wide with concern. “I know you had a nightmare, but that can’t be all of it,” he said, biting his bottom lip with worry. You almost smiled, and your heart swelled with love for the man in front of you, who took care of you in even your darkest moments.

And what are you doing for him in return? A sly voice asked in your head, draining your face of color. Leading him to certain death, hmm?

“I can’t—I can’t talk about it, Eddie,” you said resignedly, avoiding his eye. “I just—I can’t.”

“Because of the time paradox bullshit?” he asked, his voice rising slightly. “I thought we agreed Saturday night that you weren’t gonna keep any more secrets?” His eyebrows were raised expectantly, his eyes searching your face for any sign of an answer. You shook your head, not knowing how to answer.

“I know, Eddie,” you said, your voice pleading. “And I’ve told you almost everything I can think of, but this—” You took a shaky breath, then looked him square in the eye, letting all of your hopelessness show. “I don’t know that I can.” Eddie released your shoulders and stood, shaking his head in exasperation.

“Y/N, I swear to God, just fucking talk to me, okay?” he said, barely controlled anger and desperation in his voice. “Whatever it is, we can work through it. Together. But you have to tell me first.”

You shook your head, getting ready to protest again, when Eddie interrupted you.

“And don’t say it’s for my own safety, or whatever other bullshit excuse you’re thinking of right now.” He turned to you, his eyes pleading. “I need to know.”

You covered your eyes and took a deep breath, relishing the temporary relief of darkness. You thought about every successful plan concocted by the Hawkins gang, every interaction you’d had with them in the past month, every touch and kiss shared with Eddie—and you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Okay,” you whispered, and Eddie looked up, surprised at your acquiescence. “I’ll tell you,” you said, patting the couch beside you. Eddie took a seat gingerly, taking your hand in both of his and massaging the clenched muscles you’d been holding for more than twenty-four hours. You took a shaky breath. “I saw Vecna again,” you said, closing your eyes and seeing the nightmare all over again. “But this time, it was like—it was like he thought I was helping him,” you said, unwilling to meet Eddie’s tender gaze. “He—he called me his pet, and he said—” You broke off, your throat growing choked with emotion.

“What did he say, Siren?” Eddie asked softly, his thumb rubbing tiny circles on the back of your hand.

“He said that I was going to lead you to your death,” you said, watery eyes finally meeting his. “That his plan was going to work, all because of me.” Your voice broke on the final word, and Eddie wasted no time in taking you into his arms. You cried against him for a long while, shedding all the tears you had been too frightened to release the day before. His hands gently stroked your back, though he stayed silent as he pondered your words.

When your tears finally began to subside, he lowered his head and looked you straight in the eye.

“Y/N,” he said, softly but firmly. You met his gaze and held it, despite your emotion. “You are trying everything you can to prevent more harm and horror from coming to Hawkins. You are a good person, and you can’t let any mind games convince you otherwise.” You squeezed his hand gratefully, still unable to speak. “No one knows what the results of their actions will be until they happen. Till then, you have to try your best and…and roll the dice,” he said, an ironic smile playing on his lips. You choked back a laugh. “And I promise you, Siren,” he said softly, brushing your hair behind your ear. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He leaned in for a kiss, and you let yourself forget the dream in the paradise of his embrace.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! I wanted to ask how type 7 works in pair with Ni (+Te). I have a character and I'm kinda confused about her MBTI. She's *NTJ 7w6 with 9 fix! Also, happy New Year greetings! (pretty late, sorry)

7s fear pain and being trapped; NTJs want to control their specific figure; 7s have erratic, enthusiastic minds and are always looking for novelty; NTJs tend to be long-term thinkers; 7s tend to not follow through on things; NTJs are all or none, give me what I envision or nothing; 7s rarely stick with one thing very long, etc. It's something of a conflicting combination. If you still want to do it, the NTJ has to be running away from hard things -- their past, their feelings, being slowed down by anyone or anything, their motivation is to avoid being trapped, pinned down, or hemmed in, and this may force them to over-use low Se in terms of gluttony, over-indulgence, over-spending, etc. They run away from problems and avoid being emotionally vulnerable. Playful and optimistic, may have delusions of grander in terms of their "visions" and push hard for them even when there's no chance of them succeeding.

Happy New Year. :)

[fizzycherrycola]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you’d like to know better!

Thank you @oumaheroes for tagging me! 💜💜💜

What book are you currently reading?

Recently, I finished reading Good Omens, which was a fantastic book and had me giggling out loud on public transit. I’ve just started The Rose Code, a story about the female codebreakers of WW2 who worked at Bletchley Park. I’ve literally only read the prologue so far, and obviously, it has a completely different tone from my previous book, but I usually enjoy a wide range of stories, so I’m hopeful that I’ll like this one as well.

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

Despite lockdowns ending, dragging my family or friends out to the theatres this year was like pulling teeth. No one seemed interested at all, so from my limited selection of theatre films, I’d probably say Bullet Train. It was a typical action-comedy with copious amounts of violence and decent laughs. Not exactly a stand-out film, but it’s the only one I can remember off the top of my head. It also doubled as a date night, so that was a plus.

What do you usually wear?

Long colourful socks, blue jeans, a long-sleeve undershirt, and whatever pullover, sweater, poncho, or hoodie I can find in my closet. I prefer warm things.

How tall are you?

Haha, not answering this. I’d rather not give out the information contained on my driver’s license.

What’s your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Also not sharing this either, sorry.

Do you go by your name or a nick-name?

To those who know me in person, I go by my real name. However, when I’m online I prefer “Fizzy”. It grants me a layer of security and anonymity that I value very much.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

I did. I work professionally as an artist and I’m very grateful for those in my life who supported me and allowed me to pursue my dream as my career. Naturally, as a child I had much grander vision of what that career might look like, but I’m still happy with the reality I’ve been handed.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

I am, yes. ❤

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

Apparently, I posses leadership qualities, am decent at self-advocating, good at setting boundaries, and decisive (when it really matters). It’s easier to have my good qualities pointed out to me than to accurately spot them in myself, so these are things I’ve heard from my lovely colleagues and family.

Sadly, I’ve always been terrible at sports in general, and even with the one physical activity I enjoy (rock climbing), I’m woefully inadequate, haha. I’m also very forgetful and scatterbrained, frequently misplacing my belongings and spacing out mid-conversation.

Dogs or cats?

Dogs!

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

You know, after I’ve written something, it completely vanishes from my mind! But I went back through Wingman to find that I quite like the dialogue exchange between Canada and America when they’re discussing Europe, and America’s reluctance to pay attention to the crises happening overseas.

“Oh,” Canada says as he gathers the scattered newspaper sheets. “Well, it’s... You see, it’s about the crisis in Agadir and I’m worried that-”

“The what in where?”

Canada blinks. “In Agadir. Haven’t you heard of it?”

“...Is Agadir one of Monaco’s cities?”

“What? No! It’s one of Morocco's.”

“Oh, okay” America chuckles. “Guess I got them mixed up.”

“And Monaco is a city-state, she doesn’t have any other cities.”

“Huh.” America glances up at the rafters, bottom lip firmly under his teeth. “That makes sense.”

Canada sighs, a long-suffering sound. “You should really pay more attention to what’s going on in Europe....”

“I do! Sort of. If it’s important.” Canada doesn’t glare, but he does wait patiently while staring pointedly at his brother. America shrugs. “All right, maybe I do get distracted sometimes, but can you blame me? Business is booming. I’ve got an economy to run and the inventions people are coming up with this century are way more fascinating than whatever’s happening in... where was it?”

“Agadir.”

“Right! You know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I do, but... Things aren’t exactly peaceful these days. I’m not sure that’s the right sort of attitude we should have, at the moment.”

‘We’, as in nations, of course. However, also as in brothers. As in two with everlasting ties across the Atlantic. But that part, Canada doesn’t say.

Wiping his messy hands with a towel, America turns away. “Listen... We’re flanked by oceans on both our east and west coasts. To your north, you have solid ice and to my south I’ve got Mexico, the entire Caribbean, and just... Europe is a world away.” Before Canada can internalise his sentiment, America changes tune. “Anyway, that’s not why we’re here in the first place. We’re here for flying machines and a good time, remember? Not politics.”

Fidgeting, a familiar tension in his shoulders, Canada nods. “I guess so. Yeah... Yeah, you’re right.”

What’s something you would like to create content for?

Doubt that it’ll ever happen, but I’d love to write a script for a short film. Maybe one day, who knows?

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

Hetalia, of course. I’m amazed that my obsession has lasted so long, haha.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

All those Marvel and Star Wars Tv shows, with Andor being the only exception. They were very flashy, and some of them started out with a lot of promise, but ultimately each one devolved into the same repeated formulas. I think, after resisting for so long, I’m finally developing “Marvel fatigue”.

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Not exactly a talent, but I’m an amateur space nerd and I can usually point out Mars, Saturn, Venus, and/or Jupiter in the night sky. My understanding of space, black holes, galaxies, and stars is probably more advanced than the average person, but I’m nowhere near the level of a professional. Still, astronomy is fascinating and if I’d been better at math as a child, I might’ve gone into that field.

Are you religious?    

I am, but not rigidly.

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

A millions dollars! Just kidding. I’ll settle for dinner, drinks, and maybe some weed, haha.

I’m going to tag some folks to do this if they so wish: @koolkat9, @lady--lisa, @lesbianmarigold, @acemapleeh, @draw-a-circle-thats-the-compass, @maelerie, @sinunamor, @kitaychan, @needcake