#there's a goblin in my brain that tells me to read and then points an anxiety gun at my head

[dullgecko]

Been thinking about the sick Riz ordeal more (mainly due to your idea of Sklonda showing them Riz's baby pics - this is one of the first times they've seen a baby goblin and they all agree they are adorable

Also, my brain keeps telling me during this, Riz would have fever dreams and wants Baron to be the subject but I can't think of what he'd do. Riz knows his party is at this apartment so it does counter the "they'll leave you behind" thing a bit.

Fig and Fabian were still flipping through the Gukgak family album when the rest of their party returned with food. Gorgug and Adaine portioning out an absoloute mountain of takeaway into separate dishes to share out among the team and Sklonda.

The goblin woman disappeared into Riz's room to check on him and see if he was up for eating any food, Sklonda returning a moment later frowning and shutting the door completely behind her. They had pulled an extra bowl out for Riz's portion as well but his mom just shook her head when Gorgug held it up questioningly. The half orc putting it back away in the cupboard without saying a word.

"Still bad?" Kristen had to swallow around a mouthfull of food to talk, the cleric trying to read a small book over Fabians shoulder as the fighter flipped through it silently. His own food getting ignored as he was currently engrossed in an incredibly dry, but apparently accurate, goblin biology pamphlet that Sklonda had pulled out of a drawer for him.

"His fever is a little worse, we might have to wake him up to take extra meds if it doesn't go down soon." Sklonda took her portion of food from Gorgug, the goblin devouring it in about three seconds before moving to put her bowl in the sink. She had to smile a little bit when none of the kids even batted an eye, most Solesians found goblin eating habits weird and would stare but they hadn't even looked away from what they were doing.

"If it's that bad shouldn't we take him to the hospital?" Fig asked, picking at her portion to try and remove the onions. The vegetables getting deposited into Fabians bowl since he didn't seem to be paying attention.

"Tch no. They don't know what they're doing. The last time he was sick they recommended we take him to the vet." Sklonda scoffed, rinsing her bowl out in the sink and nearly dropping it when a loud bang followed by a thud issued from Riz's room.

Fabian was the fastest to react, dropping the pamphlet on the floor and opening the door within two seconds. The smell of a recently discharged arcubus still hanging in the air as he took in the scene inside. Riz was sitting on the floor beside his bed, arcubus in hand pointing at a spot about three feet above the matress, with a freshly smoking hole in the drywall from where he'd fired his weapon.

Riz was breathing as if he'd just run a marathon, the goblin turning his head to glance at the confused half elf as he quickly backpedalled away from the bed towards him and tried to stand. The goblin nearly tripping over his own feet in a panic as he attempted, and failed, to hide behind the fighters legs. From his party's point of view the effect was somewhat odd, Riz clearly trying to stealth repeatedly in his allies shadow and failing every time making him waver in their perception a bit.

"Oh fuck, Riz you okay?" Fig ditched her food along with the rest of her party, the archdevil just the fastest other than Fabian to respond to the noise as she crouched down in front of the hyperventilating rogue.

Riz just clutched his chest as if he was in pain, shaking his head by way of answer as he tried to calm down. Fabian still hadn't moved from his spot in front of the goblin, single eye scanning the room for anything odd before shutting the door to the bedroom again.

"The room is clear, nothing that I can see anyway." he crouched down, carefully prying the arcubus out of Riz's shaking hand and handing it off to Sklonda when she came close. "Hey. You're okay, there's nothing there."

"You didn't-" Riz gasped, flicking his eyes over to look at Fabian "-see that?"

"There was nothing there."

"Okay... okay." Riz squeezed his eyes shut, baring his teeth as he rubbed a hand over his chest again. Breathing only starting to calm down when Kristen stepped in close to press a hand against his forehead, the cleric pushing through some magic to help sooth whatever was making him hurt. "Thanks. I'm okay. Chest hurts. Got spooked."

"You shot a hole in the wall." Fabian lifted Riz up under the arms, stepping over Fig who was still crouched in his way and shifting their rogue to sit on the couch rather than the floor.

"I was trying to shoot a hole in Baron." Riz muttered, taking a glass from his mother when it was handed to him and sipping at the bitter medicine inside.

"You're having fever halucinations honey... i'm going to hold onto this until your temperature comes down a bit." Sklonda made sure the safety was engaged on Riz's weapon, the goblin woman ducking into her own room to put it away until later.

"Okay." Riz pulled a face, downing the rest of the medicine and muttering a quiet 'thanks' when Fabian took the glass off of him and took it away. The rogue skootching back on the couch to curl up in the corner rather than heading back into his room for the moment.

Adaine had moved over to check inside Riz's room when Fabian had gotten out of the way, Gorgug joining her to use mending to patch the hole he'd made above his bed though it didn't do anything to clear away the drywall dust that had gotten everywhere. Nothing was wrong as far as she could see. The closet was shut, Riz's breifcase was closed and under his desk and the window was locked.

Once she was sure there was nothing unseen lurking inside she came back out, Boggy getting placed gently in Riz's lap as she sat on the couch next to him. "You can look after him for me for a while. We'll clean up the mess in there but you should get some more rest." She pat Riz's leg near his ankle, the goblin nodding and rolling onto his side to curl up around the familiar and drop back to sleep for a while longer.

----------------------

Riz had only been partially roused from his slumber when his mom came to check on him, Sklonda touching his shoulder gently before pressing a hand to his forehead to check his temperature.

"You okay honey? Think you'd be up to eating anything?"

Riz groaned, shaking his head and rolling onto his back rather than staying curled on his side. One arm getting flopped across his eyes as he thought about the question before shaking his head to answer no.

"Alright. Let us know if you want anything later okay?" She gave the forearm flopped over his eyes a fond pat, Riz hearing her exit the room and shut the door completely when she left this time. Since his party arrived it had been open just a crack but now he was left in total darkness.

He let his arm slide off his face so it was draped around his head on the pillow instead. Eyes dropping shut again as he tried to fall back into a deeper sleep.

Riz wasn't sure how long he was lying there before he felt his matress dip slightly, panic welling up as a weight settled on his chest and made it harder for him to breathe.

"You are dying Riz Gukgak~" A familiar voice whispered close to his face, Riz's eyes shooting open to be greeted by cold empty sockets set in a pale white mask. Baron cocking his head to the side as he moved a hand to rest it on Riz's throat, the goblin strarting to hyperventilate slightly as he found it hard to move.

"You are in pain yes? Suffering? You wil die anyway from this but I could make it quick."

Riz bared his teeth, shaking his head minutely from side to side as he tried to will his arm to move. His arcubus was under his pillow, all he had to do was move and he could defend himself.

Baron tutted when Riz bared his teeth at him, moving his other hand to join the first and digging thumbs lightly into Riz's neck. The nightmare creature leaning in closer unti it was only a few inches in front of the rogues face as it started to squeeze, Riz's heart rate picking up further in pure panic until he felt like something had a grip on his chest as well.

It was at that point that he managed to will his arm to move, gripping the handle of his weapon and bringing it to bare against Barons ribcage and fireing. The bony white form jerking and letting him go which allowed him to scramble gracelessly off the bed into a heap on the floor as he tried to backpedal away. Arm keeping his weapon trained on Baron when it recovered from the attack and turned to face him again.

A sudden light from the doorway made Riz jump in surprise, Fabian staring directly at Baron but doing nothing as the goblin scrambled to get behind him. Not noticing that his breifcase was tipped over and open under his desk in his haste to get somewhere safe. He needed to hide. He needed to disappear so he could get advantage and attack again but his heart was beating so fast that he felt that everyone could surely hear it and it fucking hurt.

He heard Fig when she came over closer and asked if he was alright, not quite about to get words out with how hard he was breathing and simply shaking his head. Registering that Fabian had shut the door without doing anything and glancing up at him in a panic.

"The room is clear, nothing that I can see anyway."

The room was not clear. He'd been staring RIGHT AT Baron when he opened the door. Did he not see him? Even so he allowed the fighter to pry his weapon out of his hand, his joints creaking a bit because he'd been gripping it so hard.

"Hey. You're okay, there's nothing there."

"You didn't-" Riz tried very hard to take a deeper breath, desperatly hoping that Fabian was telling the truth but he had to check anyway. "-see that?"

"There was nothing there."

"Okay... okay." He pressed his hand harder against his chest, he felt like he was having a heart attack and his vision was starting to spot around the edges so he squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe Baron hadn't been lying. Maybe he should have accepted the quick option if dying would hurt this much.

His thoughts were interupted by Kristens hand against his forehead and a sudden wash of soothing magic across his frazzled nerves, heart rate finally starting to slow down after a few seconds and making him feel less like he was on the verge of heart failure. His chest was still sore but he could feel some of the last vestiges of his fear fading away as the magic suppressed it.

"Thanks. I'm okay. Chest hurts. Got spooked."

[grandwretch]

im sorry but you cannot attribute every single human behavior to capitalism. yes capitalism has shaped literature for the worst. yes the bookish world would probably be a better place without goodreads or booktok.

however the concepts of bibliomania and tsundoku were created in the 1800s, well before there were thousands of ads for shiny covers and celebrity authors being flung into your face. people were already buying more books than they could ever possibly read when books were still made with manual typesetting. you can't blame this one on amazon.

that's not even touching the fact that bibliomania is sometimes a symptom of ocd, or the existence of hyperlexia.

sometimes, people just like to do something, and it makes them act irrationally. and, yes, capitalism corrupts that. but to pretend that all human excess is because of capitalism is simply erroneous. you need to stop pretending that eradicating capitalism will make us perfect creatures free from hedonism oh my fucking god

[moralesmilesanhourlibrary]

how long

summary: on a particularly hectic day, you find out Miles' secret by chance, years too late. originally posted: Nov. 30, 2019 a/n: I was still getting used to writing conflict here; It's a bit choppy, but I'm actually kinda proud of this one! You go 9th grade me! Note that Miles and the reader insert are adults at this point. Made some slight edits to like three words

Y/N slammed the door behind her and collapsed onto the couch, frustrated and exhausted. She'd probably treated hundreds of patients that day alone-or that's what it felt like. Miles would be back anytime now, judging by the footage on the news. 

Why didn't he tell her?

Y/N's phone buzzed.

'On my way,' the text message read. Y/N swallowed the growing lump in her throat.

She knew it was Miles the moment he spoke.

Some big green thing--folks called him Goblin--was wreaking havoc on the city like no one had ever seen. Spider-Man's silhouette became a blur as he swung from building to building and back, occasionally sprinting through the streets.

Y/N WAS on her lunch break, but not for long. Patients seemed to be streaming in, either from falling debris or various car accidents. Frankly, Y/N didn't feel particularly strongly about Spider-Man--she just wished he'd be a little more fucking careful.

Y/N's chest heaved as she ran back toward the hospital, shoes pounding on the pavement. Unfortunately, Spider-Man was swinging around in that same direction. A dark figure zipped past Y/N's shoulder, nearly knocking her down. 

When she spun around to identify the blur, the masked hero was still chasing after Goblin, yelling, "Sorry, ma'am!" as he left. Sucking in a breath, Y/N continued her trip back to the hospital, but felt like something was amiss. That voice. It was far too familiar.

It came to her after the battle had ended.

The Goblin fellow was webbed up, surrounded by wailing cop cars and news vans. Spider-Man had stopped to take a selfie with a couple of regular folks, then began retreating from the gathering crowd as Y/N looked on. He had a peculiar bounce in his stride that she'd recognize anywhere if she could put a finger on where she'd seen it before.

"We miss you over in Crown Heights, Spider-Man!"

"Miss me? I still live here!"

The epiphany came crashing down like hail. The cadence in his voice was unmistakable. Y/N's heart was in her throat as she started briskly back to her apartment, expecting answers.

Y/N jumped at the knock on the door. The elaborate rhythm of the knocking confirmed that it was Miles. Trying her hardest to maintain her composure, she opened the door.

As Miles stood in front of her, Y/N took a good look at him.

He was wearing the same grey sweatshirt and blue shirt he had on when he saw her off to work, but something was different. Miles had had the audacity to try and hide the suit beneath his clothes. 

Hesitantly, Miles asked, "Something wrong, Y/N? You've been standing there for a minute." In that moment, she couldn't hold it in any longer.

Through clenched teeth so the neighbors wouldn't hear, she said, "Get in here."

Bewildered, Miles sat down on the table, while Y/N returned to her spot on the couch. She didn't look at Miles, frowning at the television screen. Trying to figure out what to say. Miles spoke up.

"What happened-?"

"You would know."

Okay, something was definitely wrong. Miles frantically racked his brain for signs: something he said that morning? Difficult work day? Nothing came up in his mind.

Y/N stalked over to the table where Miles sat. A humorless grin spread across her face, she asked, "What's that under your sweatshirt?" Miles' heartbeat picked up.

"A… shirt?" He prayed to God she hadn't found out.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Morales?"

A pit formed in Miles' Stomach.

Y/N was yelling now. "I can see the suit!"

Miles sighed, cradling his forehead in the palm of his hand. "Well, now you know." Y/N clearly wasn't satisfied.

"I don't know a damn thing, apparently!" Her voice softened to a whimper as tears welled up in her eyes.

"How long have you been wearing that mask, Miles?"

"Everyday-"

"Since when?"

Miles looked away. "8th grade." There was a long pause as his words hung in the air.

"Every day since we were thirteen."

[weemietime]

Idiot leftists calling us Nazis for pointing out that these Gaza donation pages are clearly fucking bots and scams - - my condolences for your brain worms. You have literal holes in your brain. I get like 20 asks a day from accounts that are brand new, that are all formatted the same way, that all have the same pictures and that all are clearly written by AI, and that never ever respond to a single message and have zero personalized engagement of any kind.

No, this shit isn't fucking legitimate and you can choke for somehow turning our posts where we provide exhaustive lists of reputable organizations to actually donate to Gazans in need into some bullshit Noble Savage fuckery. Yeah, Gazans are suffering and dying and the only thing they can think of to do is create empty Tumblr accounts and send hundreds of asks per day to Zionist Jews, lmao. Do you even understand how many Gazans there actually are?

A SCAM. IT'S A SCAM, YOU FUCKING MORONS. Do you even understand the likelihood of you encountering even a single Gazan on this website let alone literally hundreds of them? Shut the fuck up. We are doing our due diligence since you're too stupid to comprehend basic internet security, but somehow that isn't good enough for you.

We are doing our part to contribute tzedekah but because we recognize a bot and correctly call it out never mind, I forgot we have to believe every single thing anyone who claims to be Gazan said because they're little babies who just don't understand how to use the internet.

And by the way, these people on Tumblr who fucking "vet" the bots, lmao, you understand that those are also bots and scammers, right? Those are also people affiliated with Hamas, until proven otherwise. And if they're claiming to vet people and tell us whether we are interacting with a straight up terrorist, with someone who has potentially been involved in murdering our fucking friends and family, who is vetting those guys?

Oh! It's a random dude whose identity I don't know! Better trust that guy and give him all my money since my moral purity test told me to believe every single thing I read online completely uncritically. You fucking idiots.

How about you do us a favor and leave @tributary and @spacelazarwolf names the fuck out your mouth instead of smearing them with horrific accusations that aren't fucking true. A pedophile??? Original, not like people haven't been calling LGBT and Jews nasty evil pedos since your Lord and Meth Fiends Sturmabteilung burned down the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft (then you motherfuckers claim queerness while supporting terrorists who kill us all and denigrating Magnus Hirschfeld).

PROVE IT. A pedophile! How horrible! Prove it, or shut the fuck up. It's not like we have intergenerational trauma growing up looking at pictures of NO JEWS, JEWS UNWELCOME, JUDE!!! JUUUUDE!!! with pictures of a goblin with beady little eyes and claws clutching piles of shekels. His nasty warty hooked nose eyeballing that baby in the crib he's gonna eat later.

The JEEEWWS I mean ZIONISTS are so mean and evil asking for the bare minimum of common G-d forsaken fucking sense before parting with our shekels I mean money, I mean two pennies, I mean BLOCK LIST TIME, HERE'S A LIST OF JEEWWSS I mean Zionists to harass and laugh at and mock and verbally abuse and send bomb threats and SWAT teams. Tumblr is JUDENREIN obviously!

Real fucking original, dipshit. We have never heard it before that we are all pedophiles and greedy soulless Nazis! (Don't forget to call us a Nazi, since we know how much you love making fun of Jews and weaponizing our pain against us.) Oh, sorry, "Zionist."

[tomcat-tapes]

Random Top Gun AU I thought about if anyone wants a brain rot with me

LABYRINTH AU

In which Ice is Jareth the goblin king.

A young Bradley upset with the passing of his father, and refuses to want anything to do with his stepfather, Ron, or his half sibling Jake.

One evening when his Mom and Step dad are away in a date and he’s stuck babysitting his kid brother who has not stopped crying. Frustrated and stressed, Bradley tells little Jake a tale of the Goblin King, the same story he heard from his father before his passing.

“Stop it! I’ll say the words! No I mustn’t,, I wish,, Oh I can bear it no longer! Goblin King! Goblin King! Where ever you may be, take this child of mine far away from me!”

And Jake vanished, the Goblins have taken him. Bradley was mortified, he thought they were just stories his dad made up! And that’s when He appeared. The Goblin King. He refused to give Jake back, told Bradley to forget about the child but he couldn’t. Deep down Bradley knew he loved his brother, and oh god what will his parents say? He needed to get Jake back.

“You have thirteen (13) hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us,,forever.”

It was a piece of cake. Bradley walked with confidence until he realized there was no openings inside the labyrinth.. luckily a nice worm told him the trick. The labyrinth is not at all as it seemed. There were stoned hands pointing in every-which direction. Bradley pulls out a marker he had stashed in his one of his pockets, this place is so confusing, he writes an arrow in the direction he’s going to keep track of where he had been. “I’m coming Jake,”

“I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry, what could I do? My baby’s love has gone, and left my baby blue! Nobody knew, what kind of magic spell to use.”

Among the many failings in Bradley’s journey, he did meet a short cranky Goblin with the name Jester, something he found quite odd, Hester’s were supposed to be funny and he was nothing but disdain, he was however fascinated with Bradley’s bracelets. The next goblin he met was tall, shy, and enjoyed talking to rocks and making friends, he called himself Slider.

And after a run in with a bunch of Fierys they ended up in the big of enteral stench. Where the encountered yet another Goblin. Small feisty and energetic creature that looked to be a mix of a fox and a squirrel, everyone called him Mav.

Onward the party went to the Goblin Kingdom, Jester offered Bradley a peach. Once Bradley took a bite of the peach he collapsed, and he dreamed of a glamorous ball you’d read in those fantasy books. Bradley himself was dressed in layers of flowy fabric and glitter. He laughed and he danced, smiling and never wanting to wake up from it.

“There's such a fooled heart beatin' so fast. In search of new dreams, a love that will last within your heart. I'll place the moon within your heart. As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you, every thrill is gone, wasn’t too much fun at all. But I’ll be there for you, as the Word falls down.”

When Bradley did awake he was in the comfort of his room with foggy memories. All his cherished possessions were there. His stuffed animals, his books, his slippers and his favorite board game. The posters and playbills lining the wall, his music box and vinyl records that he was gifted from his dad before he passed. Everything was in place and as it was, but something was wrong. A little book on his desk caught his eye, Labyrinth. The words of strength echoed in his head, “you have no power over me,” looking around. This was a distraction! He needed to get out. Tearing at the posters and walls everything crashing around him. Out, out, out!

As the hole in the wall opened, Mav and Slider were there helping him out. They quickly made it to the gates of the goblin kingdom. They came across a giant metal gollum standing guard at the gates where Jester came into the rescue to defeat it! At last inside the City! Goblin guards flooded to town to try and stop the party but thankfully with the help of Slider’s rock friends it was a breeze.

They arrive at the castle, “I need to go in alone, thank you for all of your help” “if you should ever need us, for anything at all, we’ll be here.”

Inside the castle was even more twists and turns, stairwells that were sideways, and upside down, leading to one room and out another. “JAKE!” And there baby Jake sat on the stairs giggling like he’s been having a good stay inside the caste. He doesn’t notice Bradley as he begins to crawl up the stairs. “Jake wait?!” Bradley dashes down the stairwell where he ended up on the opposite side of the room from his brother. He tried again and again to no avail as the Goblin walked along the stairs as well to watch the chaos.

Finally Bradley and The Goblin King confront each other.

“Everything that you have wanted, I have done. You asked for the child to be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted living up to your expectations of me. Isn’t that generous?”

Bradley was quiet as he tried his best to remember the lines from his book. The same book his dad always read, the one his dad worked hard to write and publish. His favorite story.

“Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered. I have fought my way here to the castle, beyond the Goblin City. For my will is as strong as yours, and my-“

“STOP! Wait, look Bradley, look what I’m offering you. Your dreams.”

“And my kingdom as great.”

The Goblin King became frantic, showing Bradley an orb that held his dreams

“I ask so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want.”

Bradley thought hard, this was the part he had trouble remembering.

“Kingdom as great,, Damn. I can never remember that line.”

“Just fear me, love, do as I say. And I will be your slave.”

King Ice demanded, he was at the end of his rope and Bradley knew it. If he could just remember the line!

“My kingdom as great,,,my kingdom as great,, you have no power over me!”

The orb was thrown up in the air. And King Ice disappeared and a snowy owl is what remained. The world began to fall into itself. Everything went black.

Bradley woke up in his bed once again. Was this another trick? Was this real? He looked aver at his shelf and noticed a bear was missing. He quickly got out of bed and stumbled down the hall to his parents room where the crib stood to the side. Peering into and seeing his baby brother, Jake, lay sleeping peacefully with the missing bear in his clutches. All is well and Bradley finally breathed easy. Turning of the lights to the room and returned to his own.

His parents arrived home and for once he didn’t feel angry for once. He tidied his room, putting the books away, and the playbills in the drawer of his desk. He sits down at the desk and stares off into near by mirror.

“Goodbye, Bradley” he saw Slider in the mirror, turning around Bradley saw nothing there. He looked back in the mirror. “And remember Master Bradley, should you need us,,” Mav said solemnly. “Yes, should you need us, for any reason at all” Jester appeared looking solemn.

“I’ll always need you, I don’t know why, but every now and again, for no reason at all. I’ll need you.”

“Well why did you say so!”

Bradley turned around in his chair again and there they were his friends and other goblins he’s met on his journey. It was the best night of his life.

There was a snowy owl that sat outside the window. Watching as the small party go down. With a subtle nod it flapped it’s wings and flew away.

The return to the Goblin Kingdom, the snowy owl formed back to King Ice, and he smiled.

“Good job everyone” he greeted, “That went perfectly, I think Nick would have been proud!”

Long ago before there was Bradley there Nick Bradshaw, he found the Goblin Kingdom and had the adventure of a life time and in the end he had asked the Goblin King to do the same for his future child. Ice had agreed, it had been a long time since a human has visited the kingdom and he delighted everyone he befriended. Not only that but he also introduced Mav, a spirited Goblin, to Ice. Helping young Nick out was the least Ice could do..

Doodles below⬇️🔮

(Ft. Wolfman and Hollywood Goblins hehe)

[doberbutts]

Lae'zel's my fave so please tell me about how Panic interacts with her

At first he was HIGHLY put off by her. He read her as savage and filled with bloodlust, cruel and mean without cause, sexually demanding and unwilling to take no for an answer. But she seemed like the one that knew the most about the worm in his brain and how to fix it, so he traveled with her for a significant majority of Act One, and got to see more of her as well.

She very begrudgingly accepted that maybe this teddybear of a tiefling had a point after she was impressed by him wrecking havoc next to her in battle. While their other party members largely needed to hang back or spent all their energy on a single attack, Lae'zel and Panic mop up enemies like it's easy.

I like to think the turning point for her was seeing him walk into the goblin camp, ask who is in charge, and then immediately get to work on neutralizing the threat. She may not have loved his reasoning for doing so, but she was certainly inspired about the quick work he made of the True Souls within.

Also I think she likes that when threatened, Panic's response is usually "that's a bad idea and if you try I will hurt you very very badly". She's not one for peaceful solutions to dangerous encounters and Panic for all of his learned patience and tolerance does not like to be threatened and tends to threaten back if he feels it's an actual threat on his life.

I think the turning point for him, though, was when they encountered the gith patrol at the bridge, well after they helped the tiefling refugees. Again, high insight modifier, so Panic smelled a rat fairly early into the encounter and realized quickly there was more to this mean ol gith than he initially thought. She hisses and spits (but still approves? lmao) when he says wise monk things to her but concedes that he's right.

Going to the creche fixed the rest for him. By then, he'd sympathized with everyone else's traumas, so seeing for himself what goes on there and hearing Lae'zel call them weak because hers was worse made him realize that she's a lot more similar to Astarion than he thought. He knows he can't outright pity her because she'll stick a knife in his gut if he tries. But he does pity her, and wants to help her break free of the cruelty that made her the way she is. As with Astarion, big "I can fix her" energy.

He's definitely closer *friends* with Shadowheart, but higher approval with Lae'zel. So when the girls were fighting, he told them both respectively to cool off... and they both liked him enough to listen. Neither appreciated being told off, but they are much more willing to agree to disagree when he's around. I'd like to think he's more openly affectionate with Shadowheart, if only because she was his first friend and very quickly warmed up to him, but if he didn't think Lae'zel would cut his arm off he'd probably have roped her into a one-armed shoulder hug when she was grieving the destruction of the creche after he blew up the monastary.

[bropunzeling]

☕️ fav fantasy books/series and what makes them so good and so For Jess. bonus for thoughts on what makes a less good fantasy fall flat

oh Boy okay alright!!!!

fantasy series i love/are excellent/peak For Jess: radiant emperor duology by shelley parker-chan (point: is it fantasy or just historical-ish fiction with some supernatural elements? counterpoint: i fucking love it and this is my list). the lumatere chronicles by melina marchetta. the daevabad trilogy by s. a. chakraborty. queen's thief my beloved!!!!! piranesi aka one of the best novels i read in 2020. tortall series by tamora pierce (but protector of the small quartet is the best of them).

honorable mentions: the raven tower by ann leckie; sharon shinn's elemental blessings series isn't like, as sharp as the top tier, but i really enjoy every reread; earthsea (but mostly the ones about tenar); it feels like cheating to say discworld but again: my list; the divine cities by robert jackson bennett; the stravaganza books were not quote unquote good but they did change my brain chemistry when i was 13; goblin emperor books (but more witness for the dead bc u kno me, i love a murder mystery). lotr would be here except i read them all once as a 6th grader and have yet to return. i still need to read the oleander sword but the jasmine throne kicked ass.

ok what is the unifying factor here lol. strong world building is very important i think; a real sense of a distinct place and culture/mix of cultures rather than Generic Medieval European City. there was a really good post going around that was like, where does the food come from (aka have you thought about how all of this actually works?), and a lot of these series think about Where Does The Food Come From. differences in cultural norms among different groups within the world AND from the audience. plots strongly rooted in politics/the inherent people-ness of people rather than everything relying on magic (not to say i don't love me some magic/divine plaything stories!!!! but they hit so much harder when the conflict comes from a place of innate human foibles). a dash of wonder and the inexplicable. if an answer is needed, it fits in the schema of everything else, but you don't feel the author trying to answer literally everything (when an author is sweating to show their work u can tell imo). most of these have at least one set of people where i want to see them kiss on the mouth, but most of the time that is not the Point; the best fantasy for me treats romance as a subplot/b-plot where it informs the stakes but is not the stakes itself. and ur basics of a good book in general: good writing, good pacing, et cet er a!

what makes them fall flat? world building inconsistency; new magic springing up because well, the author NEEDED it (aka those moments when you can see the seams lol); when the romance is the a plot (sorry but romantasy = not for jesses!!!!!); i think also authors get tripped up both by not planning ahead enough AND planning ahead too much when doing series (if you get a deal for one than one book you should have more than one book's worth of material; however if you can’t change and move then you can be stifled! see ursula le guin revisiting the gendered magic of earthsea in tehanu years later, or tamora pierce going oh shit there are normies in tortall in protector of the small). also this is a ME thing but i fuckin hate purple or twee prose. fantasy does not mean break out the thesaurus.

sorry for the novel. im gonna think of like six more books as soon as i post this

[amethystina]

I just wanted to say that it was thanks to you that I watched Black Knight, and boy was it worth it! It's such a good drama and your fanfic is so good to read. I love how useless 5-8 is while pining meanwhile Sa Wol is working so hard. It's hilarious. 5-8 doesn't really think about much else and it's so funny.

I'm so glad to hear that! :D I agree — Black Knight is such a good drama! It probably won't change your life, but it's a nice and solid post-apocalyptic story that knows what it wants to do and does it well. So while it didn't do anything groundbreaking, it was still very satisfying to watch. And I just love the world and all the concepts they introduce! It's so interesting!

Yeah, 5-8 truly is such a mess when he pines x'D I mean, I can understand why, though? Some of it is definitely restlessness brought on by PTSD and the fact that his life's mission is suddenly over. Like, he doesn't really know what to do now? Because, tragically, he didn't seem to have much else in his life outside of the rebellion? And so his mind latches on to Sa Wol — in more ways than one — and that ends up being the only thing 5-8 can think about.

Also, I can't deny that I have a fondness for the big and strong tols being so in love with their chosen smols that it makes them actively lose brain cells. And 5-8 fits so very nicely into that trope. 5-8 may not seem to have all that many weaknesses at first glance, but Sa Wol is definitely one of them at this point.

Sa Wol, by comparison, is really doing the most right now, yes. That boy knows exactly what he wants and he's going to pursue it with the stubbornness and fortitude we all know and love. Godspeed, tiny chaos goblin — I'm sure you'll get 5-8 to admit he's in love with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you so much for sending this ask! I admit that I feel very frustrated with how long it has been since I last updated that fic :/ I know it's not my fault (because I certainly didn't ask for the whole burnout thing) but I'm just so eager to keep telling that story. There are so many scenes I look forward to writing! So I'm hoping to be able to write at least one chapter for it after I've finished editing my current project (Marvel this time, because people have been waiting literally six years for this fic). So let's keep our fingers crossed?

Anyway! Thank you so much for telling me! That fandom is so incredibly small and it brings me so much joy to hear that people are reading and enjoying my fic! Thank you 💜

[bump1nthen1ght]

may i request a drabble of a reader (any gender or lack therof that you please) with a goblin partner, maybe with a meet cute in a research/academic setting? Thank you so much :)

Of course Anon! We need more goblin stuff in the world. I also loooved doing stuff in an academic setting, as y'all can tell my inner nerd came out in some parts of this piece. Hope you enjoy!

Gender Neutral!Reader x Nonbinary! Goblin: Meet cute

You have a complicated relationship with your University’s library.

On one hand, you love it. It’s big, close to your apartment, and astoundingly beautiful. The architecture feels like it's ripped straight from the 20th century, with vaulted ceilings, dark wood and stained glass windows. The dustiness and history is perfect for setting the studying mood, the library never getting too rowdy even during its most crowded time.

On the other hand, it’s so fucking old that nothing is done efficiently. The bookshelves are all stretched up to the ceiling with no regards to the non-flying species students and the categorical system is ancient enough that there are no computer versions of anything. If you’re looking for a book you just pray it's been properly shelved, low to the ground, with big obvious letters. Otherwise you have to flag down the librarian or one of her many assistants.

Today is one of those days where your complex feelings come to a head. Yeah, the atmosphere has certainly stirred you to read those archived experimental reviews you’ve been procrastinating. And yes, you have no idea where to find it because the First Last Name in the paper starts with an X and you’ve got NO clue where it is. You’ve been wandering 20 minutes; spending 15 minutes trying to convince yourself you don’t need help and another five trying to find an assistant to guide you.

You finally come upon a step ladder, ridden by a small figure around 10 feet above you.

“Excuse me!” You whisper-scream. The assistants' large, green ears perk up, and one swivels back to better hear you. “Do you perchance know where I could find articles by a Dr. Xander?”

The assistant’s tail fidgets back and forth, ears turning back before they finally lean back and look down at you. Even from so far up, their yellow eyes seem to glow in the shadowed ceiling.

“Sorry, what was that?” The goblin assistant whisper-screams back.

“Um, Dr. Xander-” You say at your normal tone, promptly shushed by someone another bookshelf over. You huff and go back to whispering. “A Dr. Xander? It’s a scientific article but I couldn’t find the X section-”

“What?” The assistant says again, now speaking normally, craning their back and pointing their ear downward.

“Dr. Xander-” Another shush. Jeez, why can they speak normally but not you? “Dr. Xanders article about in the most recent Science?”

The assistant leans down further, mouth opening for another “What?” When the step ladder begins to shudder and shake. Your brain goes into bullet time, seeing the assistants flailing arms trying to regain their grip in slow motion as you grab the bottom of the step ladder to steady it. But the momentum forward only makes the goblin’s feet slip off the sides, throwing them backward and falling down.

Your heels scuff against the carpet as you propel back as well, arms thrown out in your own attempt to balance yourself. The goblin screeches at a high pitch and you yelp, realizing how fast and far they are coming at you. But as if possessed by a cheerleader, You outstretch your arms, bracing your stomach and clenching you legs.

The colors are all a blur, but you somehow keep your eyes open, only coming back into focus when looking down.

The goblin breathes heavily in your arms, bright yellow eyes wide with slitted pupils. A dark green blush paints their cheeks, your arms having scooped them down in a bridal position, faces a romantic distance away from each other.

You feel your own face get hot with embarrassment and adrenaline, still shocked you were able to catch them at all.

“Uhm, you can let me down now.” They whisper.

You bumble through a “Oh yeah, of course”, bareky making sensible words as you let them down. Blood pumping so hard you can practically feel it in your veins.

The assistant straightens out their vest, brushing their hair back into it’s combed style and taking a deep breath. If not for their thrashing tail, you wouldn't have thought the fall barely phased them.

“Thank you very much for..catching me. I imagine that would’ve been quite the injury if you had not.”

“Oh yeah! No problem, no problem.” You mutter, fiddling with the hem of your T-shirt. Their eyes are so bright, their demeanor so smart, it only adds to your flustered state. “Happy to help.”

“Indeed, it is most appreciated.” They tuck a loose strand of hair behind their ear. “Now that I’m down here, what can I help you with?” Utterly shocked by their resounding professionalism, you stammer out the Last Name your looking for. “Ah, that should be in the fourth stack back there, on the 5th shelf. I’ll lead you to it, the lights are busted in that section so it can be a bit difficult to navigate.”

“Oh, thats alright. I don’t want to be a bother-”

They hold out their palm, just the slightest bit indignant.

“I insist.” Their pleated shoes click as they shuffle past you. You pull up the strap of your backpack, trying to brush back your own hair to seem as put together as they are.

The two of you scurry past several larger than life bookshelves, taking several sharp turns in a random order. You become thankful on the assistant insiting they help; you definitely would’ve gotten lost.

“May I ask what your researching? If it is not too invasive a question.”

“Yeah, of course! I’m actually interning in Dr. Close’s lab right now, working with hummingbirds.” The assistant takes another sharp turn, leaving to follow their tail as a waypoint. “This paper has some interesting data, so I’m trying to see if it can inform my future research. I’m trying to dive more into torpor.”

“Fascinating.” They murmur, finally stopping at a bookshelf, gazing upwards towards a higher shelf. “And what got you interested in it?”

Your lips curl up in a smile, that giddiness when talking about your field.

“Well, hummingbirds already have a crazy metabolism, so the fact they can just slow it and their heart rate down is fascinating. I mean, their eggs are barely bigger than a pea yet they burn through so much nectar and use it so efficiently, all while hasically dropping into a coma for part of they year. It’s just- how did they even evolve to do that? Its such brilliant machinery-” You realize your rambling, the assistant’s big yellow eyes looking intrntly at your gesticulations, paused in their search for a book. “Sorry, I bet it seems silly, getting worked up over such a tiny thing.”

But the assistant just smiles, wirey and relaxed. Their ears flicker in amusement and you can feel your nerves ease.

“Don’t be. All pursuit of knowledge is admirable. Those who look down upon the little things often are ignorant of what the big things even mean. Plus-” they turn back to the books, standing up on their toes to reach for your article. “-you eloquate so expressively, it’s hard to not get excited as well.”

Your face groes hot, twirling a baby strand of hair.

“Thank you. You s-speak rather eloquently too.”

“I read a lot.” They lean up again, jumping just a centimeter off the ground, but their fingertips barely graze the end of the book. Their cheeks flush that embarrassed green again, but they don’t look to you for help.

“I can get that.” They nod, brushing their hair back again in what must be their nervous habit. The book is farther back on the shelf, making you perch on the balls of your feet, but you are able to grab the cover with little issue.

(The bottom of your shirt rises as you do, exposing a small bit of your stomach. You don’t notice, but the assistant does, forcing their gaze away as they feel their ears grow hot.)

The scientific journal has a bright picture of a bird on the front, the name of the article you're searching for flashing as you flip through the pages.

“This is perfect, thank you so much!”

“It was no problem, dearie, all in a day's work. Here, I can escort you to the main stacks, this back area is like a dungeon.”

You nod, still thumbing through the journal. There are some interesting articles in here, maybe you’ll find more interesting data to look at.

Once you reach the lighter part of the library you tuck the journal into your side bag and try to match pace with the assistant.

“I can’t thank you enough for the help. I seriously would have never found it without you.”

“It is no problem, if anything I’m repaying you for catching me.”

You rub the back of your neck, eyes darting upward to avoid contact. You’d been trying to push that to the back of your mind, forcing yourself not feel awkward about it. “O-oh that was nothing. I was just at the right place at the right time. Honestly, I’m usually pretty clums-”

With a squeal and dose of irony, the tip of your shoe catches on a raised patch of carpet. You arms flail outward as you try to catch yourself, but instead a small hand pulls you back by the wrist, grip leveraged by their tail now wrapped around one of your legs. You stumble backwards, but a hand lies on your lower back, steadying your posture.

“Yeah, that’s more like me.” You half joke, slimy embarrassment running down your spine.

Behind you the assistant chuckles. Their tail unwraps from your leg, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You turn towards the exit, trying to leave some dignity intact, although you can see yourself screaming about this in the car.

“Thanks again. You’ve been a huge help, in more ways than one.” You brush some imaginary dust off your shirt, trying to seem cool, calm, and collected.

“It’s no issue. Could I get your name?”

“Oh! Y-yes, it’s ____.”

“Pleasure to meet you, ____. I’m Revike.” They step back, adjusting their suspenders. “And I hope to see you again.”

“Me too. Though helpfully I won’t need so much help next time.”

“Like I said, it’s no issue.” They give you a tiny smirk. “I’m a librarian after all, its my job to look after priceless works.”

You’re sure you look like a cartoon character, eyes bulging out as Revike leaves you with a wink, trying not to giggle like a middle schooler.

Welp, seems like you’ll be going to the library more often.

[beecreeper]

what does briar think of auntie ethel? do they get along or is it sort of a "stop cramping my style" situation. what do you think auntie ethel's most vicious mockery for the lot of the fellas would be

Sorry for the last response! I had to chew on those vicious mockery lines for a while. Long answer under the cut!

Briar is mad as hell at Ethel for taking her eye and not fixing the tadpole thing. She went to Ethel pretty late, after talking to Halsin about the tadpoles but before defeating the goblins. She kinda went into denial when Halsin said that their tadpoles were special and not removeable without traveling to Moonrise, so she convinced the party to go try out that weird old lady they had talked to earlier. The whole party got progressively more uncomfortable as it became PAINFULLY OBVIOUS that Ethel was a hag and not to be trusted, but Briar kept dragging them along anyway because she was myopically obsessed with getting her tadpole out. She took the Ethel’s deal while the rest of the party was yelling “GIRL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???” Afterwards Briar was PISSED and wanted to track Ethel down and FORCE her to take the tadpole out, but she (read: me the player) was unable to find the entrance to Ethel’s lair and also all her companions wanted to have a stern talk with her about why she’s behaving like a crazy person (leading to them forcing her to admit her memory loss that she’d been keeping secret up to that point). But yeah anyway, they didn’t have any other interactions beyond that which is honestly a shame but that’s how it rolled.

As for the vicious mockery:

Briar – gonna take shots at her memory loss mostly, since that is by far the thing that makes her feel the most vulnerable and weak.

“I got a good look at that empty skull of yours when I took yer eye. Want a few new holes to match?”

“You thinking gutting folks is gonna tell you who you are? You must be dumber than you look.”

(If encountered in Act 3) “It must have been so easy to spill the brains from that soft head of yours”

Molli – there’s a lot of lines in game already that would work really well for Molli also (the line for Astarion about “liking being leashed” is particularly applicable). The general pattern would be lines that allude to her being a slave, “belonging” there, or enjoying it.

“Don’t worry petal. I’ll get you chained up again soon enough, where you belong.”

“You call that horrid screeching ‘music’? It’s no wonder someone was so eager to gag you.”

(If she’s romancing Astarion) “A slave for a slave? You really are pathetic.”

Ferox – Lines for Ferox are gonna attack all the worries he has about his bloodlust, his broken oath, and his missing past. Honestly, the in game line “All that bloodlust! A little tap and I bet you wouldn't know friend from foe!” is something what would hit him HARD.

“Bones, oaths, mirrors – is there anything you don’t break?”

“Play the hero all you want, it won’t wash all that blood off of your hands”

“Do you even know how many people you’ve slaughtered, you braindead butcher?”

Myrala – The easy joke is to make fun of her hand, but the ones that would really hit her are about being useless or wasting her “redemption”

“You’re no better than the slum rat you started as.”

“How does someone manage to work so hard to do nothing?”

“Need a hand, underscum?”

Poppy – the thing Poppy feels worst about it leaving her parents behind and how she never gets to *really* connect with people because she feels like she *has* to keep moving.

“You half breed mongrel. You don’t belong anywhere, do you?”

“I’m gonna send you back to yer mama in pieces, half pint”

“Maybe you’ll finally stay put if I put you in the ground.”

[sushis-brainrot]

Character asks. Numbers 1,2,3,7,8,11,12,19,22 and 25 for Oswald please if you wish. Sorry if this is a lot but I’m genuinely curious 😅

Goodness - answers might be shorter, 'cause this is a lot of questions 😂 And I'm currently working on an exam that I definitely should be using all of my time on

But thank you so much for asking!

Oswald of East Anglia

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I like Oswald. He's an important character for Eivor's journey and a significant ally for her to have. Oswald is the first person (if memory serves me right) to make Eivor see that there is strength in kindness and bravery in forgiveness - lessons that Eivor seem to carry with her for the rest of the game (should the player so choose). I adore how genuine and full of heart he is. And I truly admire the courage he can muster when given a chance to prove himself. Honestly, I like that he's a kind and gentle character who gets to keep being kind and gentle while he learns to stand up for himself. And I feel it's pretty neat that on top of it - he's a man who gets to display these traits. I love that he gets to be loyal to his own faith, belief and morals, and doesn't necessarily have to compromise them to please the Danes.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His influence on Eivor and their friendship. 100%. A lot of this is also covered under 1.

3. Least favourite canon thing about this character?

Maybe just that I wish he had been present at the Siege of Portcestre or the Battle of Cippanhamm. Would have been nice to see him with Eivor's other allies - even if I wouldn't expect him to fight :') It was nice to see Finnr though :'D

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I think, in general, it's just nice to see more of Oswald :') I always appreciate cameos or mentions of him in fics. :D

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I haven't seen a lot of things that I despise when it comes to Oswald. I think people are generally good at interpreting his kind and loyal spirit. 🤔

11. Would you date this character?

Oswald is so very sweet and kind qwq I'd love to date him - but I don't think we'd be a match. While our morals might very much align, my chaos brain, goblin energy and weatherlike mood swings would definitely be too much for him. He's much more suited with someone of more stable character. 😭🥲

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

That Oswald is the sweetest, most loving, and most devoted husband and eventually father. That he embroidered the handkerchief he gave to Valdis himself And that Oswald at some point teaches Broder needlepoint (which Broder is terrible at), so that he can give a personal gift to Eivor 😂

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Honestly - the relationship he has with Brothir and Broder at the start. Those two knuckleheads need to give Oswald a chance. I know they're protective of their sister and clan - but even Valdis tells them to get a grip. 🤣 And I say this despite genuinely liking Brothir and Broder. Fortunately, this is kind of resolved? 😂 Long live character development.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Oh no, now I feel guilty 😭 I've been sent and recommended fics with this soft man, but I've been too busy lately to read them 🥲 I genuinely can't answer this question. 🥺

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I'm not sure. Which, honestly, says it all. Oswald didn't leave much of a first impression - but the more Eivor interacted with him, the more he grew on me. I know I quickly came to like him. And I still do. ;D

There we go! :D

[starkerhowlter]

Princess Parker -- 8

Rating: M Ship: starker (tony stark / peter parker) Tags: Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fashion Designer Peter Parker, Engineer Student Tony Stark, slow burn, stolen moments Summary: Tony Stark’s in love.

But not with the conventional. Instead, his soulmate is known for temper tantrums about pink lemonades that are too sour and scuffs on the toe of his Louboutin shoes. He’s materialistic, superficial, and cares way too much about his face.

So why can’t Tony stay away?

Read below or on AO3

As Always, this fic was beta'd by my favorite human in the world: @cozysafechaotic and I couldn't be more thankful! A special shout out as well to my sprinting goblins in the Super Starkers Discord for their believing in this fic and helping me through writing it and nailing down these crazy kids into their lovely selves. Thanks so much, guys.

I apologize for the lack of posting!! It's my last four weeks of university!! :o

8-- Advice Comes From Strange Places

        As soon as the door clicks shut, Tony’s mind is spiralling. "Fucking shit." He looks at the poster of Freddie Mercury, "What the hell was that? What did I just do? Did Peter fucking Parker come into my dorm and make out with me against the wall for..." He glances at the clock, "Forty-five minutes? Is it possible to hallucinate something that realistic while hungover?" He stares at the poster, hoping the rock god will reply with answers to the universe. "Fuck I'm not hungover, he's right. Which means... Peter fucking Parker came into my room and made out with me against the wall. Holy shit." He closes his eyes and the memories of the last hour replay in his head. One of his machines whirrs around, providing something for his brain to latch to as he thinks. 

He lays back on his bed, hands running through his hair. "March 8th, I called Peter art. March 9th, Peter comes to my dorm and calls me out on my feelings." March 9th, Peter Parker kisses me for forty-five minutes against the wall." he rolls over and looks at the wall, "Now what?" When he meets Freddy's eye again, he glares, "You are no use, y’know that?" He smiles. He is well and truly fucked.

Peter glances back at Tony's seat for the sixth time. By this point, Bucky is raising his eyebrow and giving him a "Can I help you?" expression. He blushes, turns back to his textbook and continues highlighting his notes in pink highlighter. Tony never came to class at all. Gwen, Nat, and Pepper keep glancing at their friend, what happened in the last hour? 

At the lunch table, Peter sips his pink berry smoothie, texting quickly. His manicured nails tap against the screen as he texts, they pause briefly and he sets his Starkphone down, the back of the crystal case glittering in the sun. "What was that about?" Loki asks, sitting their panini down in its container, "Is Harley giving you shit again?"

"No, no nothing like--" The phone chirps again, and without finishing the statement, Peter is absorbed in the phone once again. 

"Surely you're not texting--" Loki pushes.

"No. It's just my aunt." As if to prove itself, the offender chirps four more times in succession. He continues typing, smoothie melting on the table. "My collection just arrived. She was asking how I wanted it delivered." 

"Okay. I was just checking on you, you've been so secretive, Peter." Loki stands and hugs Peter, smiling softly, "I will come to see you later if you want to talk?"

"Yes," he whispers back, "Please do." 

"Bye, guys! Love your faces, see you for dinner?"

"I have a date!" Gwen shouts, "But raincheck! I will tell you guys about him tomorrow at brunch!" 

"Good luck, darling!" Peter cheers as he walks off the patio and to the sidewalk. He waves at his friends and heads to his dorm. He needs to think.

Tony's losing his ever-loving mind. Since Peter left, all he can seem to smell is Peter's cologne, and hear the echo of his gasps. He feels pathetic, trying desperately to wipe the feeling of Peter under his hands from his mind. 

Bucky is going to have to kill his friend. It's going to happen and no one will find his body. He shakes his head, opening the door to their dorm hall to hear Tony blasting rock from his room. "T!! Open up, it's Bucky!!" He smiles, hearing Tony's music shut off as he opens the door.

"Hey." he smiles, allowing the brunette into the now messy room.'

"Tony, when I said put on clothes, I meant real clothes. Not a tank and jeans." 

"I had on a shirt earlier. I took it off when I started soldering! I swear! It's literally on the chair!" Tony holds up the shirt, and smiles, "I was wearing a shirt!" 

"Why didn't you show up for class earlier?" 

"I was... Uh--"

"Don't you dare lie to me, Stark." Bucky only uses last names when he's serious, "I mean it." 

"Okay... fuck. You can't tell the guys." 

"Scout's honour. What's wrong?" He leans forward from his place on the bed and stares at Tony.

Tony takes a deep breath and the words start flowing, "Petercameoverandtoldmehelovedmeandthenwemadeoutandnowmylifeisfuckingruined, okay?"

"One more time, honey. I didn't get any of that."

Tony sighs deeper this time and tries again, "Peter came over and told me he loved me and then we made out and now my life is fucking ruined and I can never leave this room ever again." 

"Okay, I need you to breathe before you panic worse than you already are." He breathes along with the scientist, smiling gently. "Did you try that thing your therapist taught you?" Tony nods and shows him the paper, "And did that help?" He shakes his head. "No. Okay, um... can you walk me through your thought process as to why you can't leave your room ever again?" 

"Peter Parker. That's why. Weren't you listening?" 

"I am. But why can't you leave anymore, and don't just say Peter again." 

"Because if I see him again, I can't guarantee that I won't just jump the poor kid right then and there! You saw how I was at the party, I can't fucking do this anymore, Bucky. I can't just admire him from afar, I need him up close. I need him to be mine! I fucking love him, Bucky!" His heart is pounding as those words leave his mouth, "And I don't mean it in the "one and done" hookup way, I mean it in the "I want to wake up next to you and drink coffee and have mind-blowing sex on the counter way."

"Right. Remind me never to eat anything from your breakfast bar." 

"This is serious! I never felt this for Bethany, Pepper, Joan, Kenneth, or any of the others."

"I'm impressed you remember the one night stands."

"Of course I do, Bucky, I'm not an oaf." 

"I never said you were. But with the way this whole Peter thing is happening, I wonder if you have more than one brain cell. There is something there, and clearly, you two need to face it. Now, I have one question for you: Do I rent a hotel room for you or Do you want to suffer your whole life." 

Tony sighs, "Can I sleep on that?" 

"No. I need an answer now, you can't use your tricks on me." Tony sighs in defeat, flopping down on the bed next to Bucky. 

"Fuck. Um... Not yet but I will address it. It's only fair to him." Tony rises, replacing his tank with the t-shirt and heading to the door, "I will talk to him, Bucky. It might not create a relationship but it would be nice to have some connection with him or something."

"I will be back tomorrow. Go." His phone rings, proving his statement. "Hey, Stevie, I'm on my way out of the building. Yes, he's fine. I will see you shortly. Love you too." He hangs up the phone and smiles at Tony, "I will see you later. Talk to him, T. Please."

"I will." 

A soft knock at Peter's door startles him a few hours later. "Who is it?" He asks, slipping on his robe over his oversize t-shirt and shorts. 

"It's Loki!" they reply, "Can I come in?"

"Just a second!" He pauses his movie and unlocks the door, allowing his friend into the room, and inviting them to sit on the white chaise in the corner. "Sorry, I was watching a film." 

"It's alright. Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to make sure you were okay earlier. You said you needed to talk?" 

"Yes." He sighs, the events of the last 24 hours pouring out into the lap of his best friend. 

The black-haired fashion god sighs and squeezes Peter's knee, "You're gonna be okay. I know it's overwhelming. That's a lot to have happen to you in a 24-hour period. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, Loki, but I need to see him again. I can't do this. If I see him again, I can't guarantee all of my feelings won't rush out into the space between us and ruin what we have built together. I don't think I can do this longing from a distance thing. I need to see him again, Lo. Can you help?" 

"Let me see what I can do." They smile, hugging Peter, "I will make it work for you guys and protect your social status. I know you worry that it'll be social suicide for anyone to see you. I don't think that's true. We're in college, Peter. No one cares." 

"I know but I just don't want people to ruin this. I want to have Tony but I don't want to ruin this magic that exists between us. It's a secret, like crossing enemy lines. I just want it to stay pure." 

"That's fair. I mean, I understand that. I know when Tony's friend Steve and Bucky first started dating, everyone wanted to know all the details."

"They hooked up in a bedroom at a party," Peter says, disinterestedly.

"That's true. But everyone was asking Bucky what Steve did to make him scream so loud."

"Like it matters." 

"That's fair. But in all seriousness, I will figure out how to arrange for you to  see each other in private." 

"Thank you, Loki." 

"No problem, Peter. It's what friends are for." They hug Peter, before heading towards the door, "I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Bye, Loki. I really do owe you one." 

  Peter smiles, shutting the door and turning the lights off. His movie watches from the TV as he flops on the couch and picks up his phone. Why didn't he think to add Tony's number to his phone? 

"I wonder..." Peter smiles and opens Instagram, hoping that typing the boy's name in will show his page. "Tony... Stark..." He presses search and a few moments later Tony's page appears in the results. He rolls his eyes at the bio 'Legacy is for losers' and scrolls through the different photos and snapshots from Tony's life. He clicks on one picture of Tony underneath a car and finds himself staring for longer than he'd like to admit. He sighs and shuts his movie off, crawling into bed. 

--

Thank you so much for reading!!! Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are MUCH appreciated!

[hamstringy]

Books of 2023

this is mostly for me to yell at my lawn about books i want more people to read. my faves are highlighted in purple and have a star (☆) next to them. if anyone wants to suggest books at me........ <3

i did not think i was going to make my goal of 26 books, but then i got put on desk duty at work and discovered audiobooks!

The Traitor Baru Comorant - Seth Dickinson gah!!! Builds methodically and slowly but crumbles apart and hits you on the dick over and over. Cannot believe a guy named Seth Dickinson wrote this (affectionate).

The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison Classic feel-good whump, but don't think too hard about the politics. I would have been obsessed with this as a kid.

☆ Babel - R.F. Kuang ☆ A capital-T Tragedy that made me physically cry! RF Kuang is incredible at writing about colonialism and situations that go horribly wrong.

A Lady for a Duke - Alexis Hall Generally cathartic romance about a trans woman who fakes her death at Waterloo to live as a woman and falls in love with her childhood best friend. I think I am not entirely a romance girlie but definitely a solid book.

Sorrowland - Rivers Solomon Oh baby let's get weird and talk about politics! Contains a mycelium-fueled gay ghost orgy and some very good body horror.

A Prayer for the Crown-Shy - Becky Chambers The Monk and Robot duology keeps hitting me over the head with ruminations on all the coming-of-age questions but it offers me tea and a listening ear so I quite love it.

The Stars and the Blackness Between Them - Junauda Petrus I think the prose is well written, but I was definitely left wanting more regarding the magical realism.

Feed Them Silence - Lee Mandelo Again with the slacking on the magical realism. Frighteningly contemporary crumbling relationship and not nearly enough weird bullshit for me.

The Future of Another Timeline - Annalee Newitz I hated this book so much. I really think you could pass it off as the product of a corporate man, that's how shallow it is. It has mega commitment issues with the themes it tries to tackle. Also, if you're going to write a time traveling book you NEED to do at least cursory research???? Women in the 1890s did not wear bras????

No One is Talking About This - Patricia Lockwood A fun and brutal investigation of being chronically online and dealing with personal tragedies. Bonus points for being written by Miette the cat's owner.

☆ Greenwood - Michael Cristie ☆ Incredible multi-generational epic. Cristie knows the story he wants to tell and he executes it near-flawlessly. I didn't love the ending but the rest of the book makes up for it.

Rabid - Monica Murphy, Bill Wasik Definitely an interesting look a the cultural side of rabies, but I wish they had maybe not gone with such a wide array of subjects.

The Lucky Red - Claudia Cravens A queer (minor homophobia) Western in the spirit of all the good female country singers.

Persuasion - Jane Austen Oh baby. I get it now.

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie An unfortunate choice of media means I can't rate this higher. I think it's too hard sci-fi for me to listen to it, so I need to reread it in physical form.

Deaf Republic - Ilya Kaminsky Brutal. Kaminsky is really fucking good at writing about war in a pretty minimalist style.

Small Things Like These - Claire Keegan A book that reminds you about the point of choosing to do something right. Also has the added benefit of teaching me about something I didn't know about (The Magdalene Laundries).

Eartheater - Dolores Reyes Another victim of the audiobook medium. I'm not sure if this is because it was translated or because I was expecting something a bit different, but I didn't really jive with this.

☆ Islands of Abandonment - Cal Flyn ☆ Absolute banger. Beautiful prose, concept that makes me go a bit feral. I want to tattoo this on my brain.

Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros This is not a fair review--I read this because my friend hated it. A deeply unserious and superficial book to me as an avid fantasy person and not a romance person. I wish Yarros had actually gone full hog and actually included disability in the sex scenes at the very least.

The Vanished Birds - Simon Jimenez Genuinely not sure how to feel about this? Sprawling space opera with purposefully unfinished ties. It does make me excited to read A Spear Cuts Through Water though.

Kindred - Olivia E. Butler I get the Butler hype now! Read it.

Flux - Jinwoo Chong A lukewarm positive review here? Very much a deep dive on grief, tech politics, and fandom. Has some weird timeline stuff so I was definitely confused.

Upright Women Wanted - Sarah Gailey Reads like that one ao3 excerpt of Sasuke learning about gay people. It feels like there's next to no world-building or character development. The characters are incredibly juvenile and all the changes happening are spelled out.

The Dragon Republic - R.F. Kuang Lord, this was a deeply intricate trainwreck of a book. Deeply uncomfortable and yet incredibly gripping.

Rereads:

Nona the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir Decided I needed to listen to the audiobooks of these to inflict maximum damage. Good lord, I am still insane about these books.

Graceling - Kristen Cashore I was obsessed with these books as a 10 year old, and this one still mostly holds up. A good example of romances for little girls who aren't convinced by romance.

[walkawaytall]

Beta request?

I feel so weird asking this and I totally understand if no one has the time/inclination, but the chapter of Purpose of Heritage that I’m planning on posting on June 16 is driving me bonkers and I’m wondering if anyone would be willing to beta read for me and tell me what you think isn’t working. I highly suspect I need to either push something to a different chapter or cut something from it altogether while also fleshing something else out, but then the little goblin in my brain comes up with 15 reasons why XYZ is absolutely needed how dare I cut it? And I just need someone else to look at it and tell me what could improve it.

The chapter is like…9500 words, though. This is why I’m hesitant to ask anyone to read it. I have no problem summarizing what’s happened in the fic up to this point if you aren’t one of the handful of people following it because in no universe do I think it’s reasonable to ask someone to read the whole dang thing to contextualize this chapter.

[pansy-placebo]

About me

Hi! Call me Pansy, or Bo.

I don't know what this blog will be yet, so it'll be a lot of reblogs for the time being. I'd like to make some friends here, though.

Content warning: brain damage, drug use, trauma, sex and rape mention, mental illness, er... politics? Also the DNI section includes a lot of difficult topics, I need to mention stuff to be sure to ward away assholes, sorry.

I'm mlm and polyamorous.

I'm a very gender little goblin man, I'm a drag artist with a couple shows under my belt. Said shows are very rare at the moment, so the drag I do the most is just dressing up lol. I'm really considering making a drag society/club in my local town- I'm Welsh, and re-learning the language since I went to live in England for a few years and completely forgot how to speak it.

My pronouns are he/him or xey/xem.

I have a degree in fine art, but got some brain damage (oops) which means my art production really slowed to a halt for the past few years. I still occasionally draw, paint and make jewellery though. At the moment, I'm too disabled to have any kind of job but I hope over time those issues will get better and I'll be able to support myself on my art again.

I have ADHDtism, here are some special interests and hyperfixations, some of which are active, some have passed and just left a lasting impact on my psyche:

goth music

nutrition, digestion, and diet culture (which is a scam btw)

art and art history

human anatomy

aquatic life, especially aquatic snails

religions, particularly shingon

sexual paraphilias, the more niche the better (that one lasted a decade) and I won't be posting about it here because honestly wtf is my brain

I write. So far this post has been a truly terrible showcase of my writing skills, because my brain is very blob-of-goo-sloshing-in-a-bone-fishbowl right now, but I used to produce mass amounts of poetry and I still write occasionally. Maybe I'll even post some of it from time to time, who knows!

I'm ok with some nsfw stuff, but I won't be reblogging or posting porn, and I don't want any of that on my dash please. PLEASE DON'T PUT PORN ON MY DASH.

I'm very mentally ill, but I'm reticent about it because I'm still feeling out the culture here. For now let's just say I have a lot of trauma in my past and sometimes my brain says "fuck you, lmao" and takes all my memories out of their filing cabinets and lights them on fire.

I'm also a drug addict, which exacerbates the amnesia, and a former alcoholic still wrestling with the bottle.

My politics: I'm very left leaning and very aware of societal issues. I'm somewhere in the arena of socialism and communism, and I've read enough theory to know I don't know how to correctly pick a precise label for my politics in that area. Initially while writing this post, the political section was super long and then I realized that this is not the point of this blog, so fuck that. You get the idea. I give a shit.

DNI:

porn blogs

SWERFs

transphobes, "gender critical" people, transmeds

aphobic people: if you think ace people are not discriminated against, you are included here, so DNI.

racists, nazis, islamaphobes, antisemites: for example if you think white people/culture are under attack, you are included in this section, so DNI.

discourse-havers: I mean the people who will bring the discourse to my dash. I mean a sensitive topic discussion which devolves into a screaming wall of reductive rhetoric and contrived logic where everyone who disagrees in any way is a bad person and people just start attacking each other for having the wrong opinion instead of having actual conversations about the subject at hand. I was on twitter for years, and I learned early on that The Discourse was never something to engage in, and I'm aware that it happens here too. Keep it off my dash. Thanx.

Pedos, MAPs, lolicons and their supporters.

ableists, anti-self-dx people. Do you think you can tell when people "aren't really" disabled, or that there are a hoards of people out there claiming to be disabled for the money? if so, DNI.

if your blog has a lot of self harm, gore or rape content

people who think doxxing is generally okay. I don't think it's okay in most situations

classists: Do you think poor people deserve to be poor, that they have done something to "deserve" poverty, that they should just spend their money better and stop being poor? do you never give money to homeless people because they'll "spend it all on drugs"? if yes to any of these, DNI.

Do you think people with eating disorders should just "eat a sandwich?" if yes, DNI. EDs are complex, I won't want to interact with people who belittle ED havers.

can't currently think of anything else to add here but yeah i think you get the idea.

See ya,

xxx

Bo / Pansy

[theoldaeroplane]

Rambling

Had a semi-major health scare Monday (I'm okay) and have been recovering from that for the last week. In an hour I go in and get onboarded for a company that places people in factory jobs---I'm literally so worn down from the last two years that I don't want to let myself hope, but if I could get placed somewhere that pays a living wage and just do repetitive tasks to my music all day that would be incredible.

Monday's scare knocked the wind out of me creatively which is actually painful with how inspired I was for the last few months. I seem to be able to get over myself and write with very specific circumstances so that's better than nothing. I cut up some paper for artist trading cards and I'd like to try to make some of those soon too as a low effort, low stakes creative thing.

As ever, I struggle to keep myself from perceiving myself as a burden to people around me. On a logical level I believe them when they say I'm not, because they're my friends and they've proven that over and over, but the wicked goblin that lives in my brain loves to point out that's what my parents would have said too. And look how that turned out. I have a dedicated playlist for grieving the fact that my parents' love was conditional.

It's started to become clear to me that I think I am more damaged than I previously thought, and I guess I would rather know that than otherwise. Ive spent a lot of time thinking about a line from a song: "for once I want to be the car crash, not always just the traffic jam." I've always identified with that line, with the idea of "if I'm going to get hurt, at least do it in a way loud enough to get help." To not feel like a chronic nuisance, because I think I've always had that sense of being A Nuisance. A Bother. An Inconvenience. And I'm sure that I was that to my parents much of the time (I recall the time my mother informed me I was an unplanned child), and that's surely why I have such trouble with it now. I spend so much energy and time trying to do things to convince people (read: myself) that I'm worth the effort to put up with. I'm certain it's why I get so afraid and anxious when something I do is met with silence or a lackluster response, because oh no, this is it, they're finally sick of me, they're going to tell me I'm annoying and needy and troublesome just like my former best friend once did. (That's another thing I should really bring to therapy. It's been ten years since that happened and I still haven't really talked about it.)

If I can just get work that doesn't drain me. If I can just get work that pays enough to let me afford the things I need to support myself without burning out. (I live in fucking Iowa. It's a low bar here, the cost of living.) If I can just stabilize, if I can just start to get enough money to feel secure again, if I can start to look for a new car that doesn't feel like it's going to fall apart at any moment. If I can meter my energy out in the right way to let me be a person after work. If I can just, if I can just. I'm so tired. I'm so so tired.