#there's a total of 0 male characters i like in this book

[error404vnotfound]

ugh not John Dashwood too

[slexenskee]

can i ask for any details about the hotd/jjk fic?

you mean aside from this lil WIP snippet?

I think I'm gonna call it "Write myself out of the history books" a line from All Time Low to match the rest of my 'Dropping Gojo into fandoms he didn't ask to be in' works 😂

His name is Soren and let's just pretend its Valyrian when in actuality it's just one of my favorite Fire Emblem characters (I feel like Gojo would appreciate that though, prolly a Soren stan himself lol)

His dragon hatches in his crib and idk I headcanon that Rhaenyra would wait to let him name it himself because she probably did the same with Syrax? But then 2 yr-old Gojo is like 'her name is Blue Eyes White Dragon' and Rheanyra is like 'wtf no' and also, this is why you shouldn't let kids name their own damn dragons. Rhaenyra refuses to let him name his dragon after what she doesn't realize is a Yu-gi-oh card, and in they settle for Sylvion, which she thinks is just some obscure Valyrian word/reference his 'Uncle' Daemon taught him, but is in fact a Pokemon that bears striking resemblance to his dragon. It's one of Dreamfyre's eggs, mostly bright white, with blue accents and some slight pink in the membranes, hence, Sylvion. Which is also Gojo's favorite pokemon, so he's two for two with references in this life.

He knows damn well that Daemon is not his Uncle, and they (Rhaenyra, Daemon, Laenor) all know he knows even if they collectively don't acknowledge it. He's Daemon and Rhaenyra's 'accidental brothel baby' that she had to get shotgun wedding'd to Laenor for, which is why he's much older than canon-Jace.

The age gaps are: Satoru/Soren (0), Aegon (+2), Helaena (-1), Aemond (-2), Jace (-3), Luke (-4) idk if Joff or Daeron will be in this.

Aegon is in love with him literally at first sight. He's going to PINE FOREVER. Like so much angst when he realizes he doesn't just adore his nephew in a purely platonic sense - which his mother/grandfather already dislike - but is in fact homosexually and audaciously in love with him lol. He definitely tries to fuck himself out of his own gayness, which absolutely does not work, esp when he starts ending up gravitating to regular female whores to male whores who all bear a striking resemblance to his nephew.

Does Gojo know? Hmm yes but not really. It doesn't even cross his mind even though he is also very gay, and also knows incest is casually a normal thing in the Valyrian family. But to him, Aegon is his uncle, and also a man in a 'don't say gay' world, so he kind of intentionally doesn't look too deeply into it. He does notice Egg is very attached to him, but he's not sure how much of that is familial and platonic and just Egg's very handsy personality versus romantic. They played a lot together as kids, slept in the same bed etc back when they were young enough it didn't mean anything, and obviously Gojo never felt that way about what he thought was a 'cute sticky dumpling of a kid who thinks he hung the moon' so it'll be a longgg and difficult shift for him to see Egg in any other way.

Aemond worships him in a strictly platonic sense that totally feeds his god complex. Gojo is literally the warrior reborn to him. He's a one man army and everyone knows it and he's so out of any mortal's league instead of being jealous about it Aemond just straight up adores him like a god. Daemon and Laena don't get together in this fic (RIP Baela and Rhaena) so Laena is still alive and has Vhagar, so idk maybe Aemond has Vermithor.

On a related note, everyone worships him as a god (or a Valyrian devil, *ahem* Hightowers *ahem*) bc to them he may as well be one. He has all his OG powers, he's invincible and untouchable and literally unstoppable. He achieves infamy the world over during Stepstones Round 2 where he absolutely obliterates an entire army and a few islands besides. He straight up asks his 'grandfather' Corlys if he should just eradicate the whole island chain and permanently solve the problem. Of course, the story gets convoluted with the whole medieval 'he said she said' chain of communication so there are plenty of non-believers still. LOL jokes on them.

He adores Rhaenyra. Like he likes Laenor a lot, and is partial to his little brothers (yes Jace and Luke exist, idk if they're Laenor's or Daemon's yet tho. They would't be Harwins bc Rhaenyra took one look at Gojo and was like 'shit he's 100% Valyrian its gonna look weird as hell if his siblings dont look like him at all') and has a soft spot for his 'Uncle' Daemon, but the reason he even bothers to stick around and not just fuck off to Essos to raise his own empire is because of her. I headcanon Gojo to have zero relationship with his parents in JJK - which unfortunately is expected from 'the patriarch' aka his father, but deeply hurt him in regards to his mother, who also cared nothing for him. Yes total double standard, but that's patriarchy for you. Anyway Rhaenyra is the opposite - she cherishes him from day 1, and whether that's because she truly loved him at first sight or just loved the idea of a child of hers and Daemon's who knows. But she doted on him and took care of him in a way anomalous for mother's in Westeros, and Gojo always took note of that. He'd burn the world for her - or in this instance, cower it into submission so she can have her throne in peace.

He doesn't mind playing the 'radiant prince' for her, being the faultless and impossibly perfect heir to the throne, because he knows it strengthens her claim immeasurably when his achievements so obviously outshine her direct competitor (Egg, who in fact does not give a shite about the throne and just wants to run away on his dragon with Soren). He even quietly submits himself to the idea of taking a wife because he knows that's also expected of him, although he plans on copying Laenor and having some threesome magic going on. Will that have to come to pass though? Hmm idk yet

THERE WILL BE ZOMBIES. No Night King, but I absolutely believe that Gojo accidentally would become the Prince who was Promised. His birth once again upsets the balance of yet another world, and shifts events into motion that would have laid dormant otherwise. Does he bring magic back into world with his birth? That would be interesting. Idk yet tho.

I also believe in the Maester conspiracy, so that might be in this fic too

[markantonys]

what's wrong with book!Min (gave up on books right now because i can't anymore, i'm on 4th I think? she is just not there)

book 5 is exactly when she started sucking haha so you stopped at the right time! i do get into some spoilers here, though i tried not to say anything too specific that you wouldn't have already known from the first few books (such as the fact that rand has multiple girlfriends and min is one, which her viewing revealed in book 2). also, maybe you won't even want to read this if you'd rather let your opinion of show!min continue on untainted, because i will say that 90+% of the things i'm about to complain about are very unlikely to be a thing in the show.

basically she just gets hit with an abysmal case of Men Writing Women: out of the blue she decides to throw her whole life away to chase rand down and make him love her, she changes her whole personality and style to try to cater to what she thinks rand would find attractive (i'm all for wanting to look hot for your man, but min herself doesn't seem to enjoy her new clothes or find them comfortable, and that's a problem), she stops having any relationships or connections outside of rand, she barely has scenes with anyone but him and in ensemble scenes she's just there to cling sexily onto him while having 0 dialogue because she has nothing to contribute to the plot-relevant discussion going on, she has no storyline besides barnacling herself to his side and being on tap for sex 24/7, she has no narrative role or in-world obligations besides Being Rand's Girlfriend, etc.

and on top of all that, you have fandom calling her ~Best Girl~ and saying that she is the only one of the 3 women who deserves to be with rand because she Puts Her Man First like a Good Girlfriend should, and fuck the other two for having the audacity to have responsibilities outside of being his girlfriend. fuck them for actually being complex, well-rounded characters with independent storylines and character arcs, right? we only like female characters who exist to serve men's storylines!

and on top of all THAT, she DOESN'T EVEN serve rand's storyline! she literally doesn't do anything! she always makes me think of the "let me ask you a very fair question. what DO you do successfully?" vine. you could cut her out of the entire series and very little would change. min fans claim that she was integral to keeping rand anchored during dark times because min and rand claim that is the case, but the actual scenes between them in the text do not back up that claim. i can think of ONE scene where min actually makes an effort to have a serious conversation with rand about what's worrying him; every other time she just stops his doom-and-gloom talk by punching him or waving knives at him or distracting him with sex. and the way people put her up on a pedestal for taking care of rand at his worst (which she doesn't actually do anyway) is a romanticization of the shitty idea that it's a woman's job to be the sole emotional dumping ground for her male partner. i guess it could simply be that Dating Your Therapist is a romance trope i personally dislike, but ugh, i HATE that vibe of their relationship and especially of the way the fandom talks about their relationship.

and on top of all THAT, their relationship is totally logic-breaking at times because rand will go "i'm so isolated and alone! i'm going to go snuggle up in bed with my live-in girlfriend and think about how isolated i am." he will go "i am so dangerous, i have to push away everyone i love! come on min, i'm taking you into the most dangerous magical event of the age during which many channelers will show up to attack us, even though you're a defenseless civilian and there's no reason you need to be there." it feels like RJ wanted to give rand an isolation arc but also wanted him to have a sexy mistress on his arm at all times, and could not understand that those two things are mutually exclusive (unless said mistress is just no-strings-attached sex, but that was not intended to be the case here, although the cognitive dissonance often makes it feel like rand DOES see min as just no-strings-attached sex rather than a real person whose safety he needs to worry about).

her behavior about the whole romantic situation also drives me nuts because she is SO possessive and jealous, which i personally absolutely hate in romantic relationships, though some people do find it attractive, including min herself - there's a scene where she tries to make rand jealous because she thinks it makes the sex hotter and i was like girl wtf? get some dignity. actually "girl wtf? get some dignity" is my attitude towards all her behavior about the relationship because listen, i fully support girls being silly over their crushes, but christ alive the way min comports herself brings me so much secondhand embarrassment. she'll be like "i'm sooooo mature and worldly, i will never lose my head over a man like OTHER women do, because i am Not Like Other Girls, i'm superior to them" (the Not Like Other Girls vibes is another huge annoyance about her character & fandom reception of her character) and then she'll proceed to go plop down into rand's lap and dandle herself on his knee in the middle of a political meeting to show off to everyone present that he belongs to her. girl, you are a grown-ass woman! get some dignity! she also has a shitty attitude towards the polycule situation, i won't say more since the details of that are beyond book 4 and this post is also getting super long, but suffice it to say that, surprise surprise, possessive and jealous people do not work well in polyamorous relationships.

but most of the above is the fault of the author (or the fandom), not the character. i can't exactly separate the two while reading because "RJ is writing min badly" very quickly blurred into "i feel super annoyed every time she is onscreen" very quickly blurred into "i can't stand this character," but it does mean that the show has a good chance to fix most or all of these problems with her because they aren't necessarily intrinsic to her characterization, they're just symptoms of RJ's weird ideas about het romance and gender norms. the show making her a world-weary 30-something-year-old who takes no shit and who is GNC in a queer-presenting genuinely-doesn't-care-what-straight-men-think-of-her-looks way rather than a not-like-other-girls-tomboy-who-still-caters-to-the-male-gaze way is already a HUGE step in the right direction!

[madamesungalaxa]

★Here are some sketches of the diamoms gb with some Headcanons~

Note: imagine like you are already married to them~

•Beatrix

★ He would be smart, elegant and disciplined like Reiji, but with the calm of Shu (and also, with his palette color and hairstyle, and maybe with his type of voice too). Responsible. "Duties it's first" he always saids when you are trying to spend time with him. Oh, but when there's no duties, and it's free time, it's time to relax with a book, a cup of tea or with his beloved wife~. He's not good at being direct when we talk about feelings, so, I think he would say romantic things to you but indirectly, he probably talks metaphors with you when he wants to sound romantic. Like a poem, yes, he would make you poems handwritten and fresh ink... poems kept in letters, sealed in a red seal with the figure of a red rose 🌹.

And also: I have this idea of when he's nervous or anxious about something, he play with his hands, moving them around a lot, but also, touching constantly his weeding ring while thinking of you to calm down. (Reference of the Moments when Beatrix is worried about shu)

Note: yeah, he may be smart and all, but just like Beatrix, he doesn't know how to cook. Probably his food would be very raw.

(I still don't know which name put him, Benedict maybe(? Help here xd)

•Cordelia

★Ok, he definitely it's the mix of Laito and Ayato. It's arrogant and confident like Ayato but with the romantic and perverted side of Laito. And of course, with the hair color of Kanato. (Plus: his eyes it's feline like Ayato's but the hairstyle of his fringe it's like Laito's) In DL there's characters with long hair, and that's a synonym of elegance and strength in some way (look Karl and Carla) so, I wanted that for Cordelio (after all, he is a Prince). He usually tie his hair (like some men in XVII century) and it's only when he's alone with you in the bedroom he takes off his ponytail and let you touch his hair... And well, not just his hair~🫦

Be prepared because this man wants to fill you with kisses and marks. He's the romantic type, so he'll be waiting for you half-naked, maybe he'd put some perfume and oils on his body, (which are probably hypnotic/erotic potions from the Makai) with scented candles and some sweet wine and cherries, and you, you're his Dinner. But he would LOVE to bring out your wild side, he wants to know how much you love him💜 affection with actions, that's what he wants🫦

Note: he's so arrogant and perverted and all, but if you tell him that you don't love him and you never did it, he'll get really depressed and will cry a lot, totally heartbroken (reference when Cordelia finds out Karl doesn't love her)

(I like to name Cordelia Male as "Cordelio". sounds kinda typical just putting an "o" instead of a "a" but the name “Cordelio” I think it's an actual name, I heard it somewhere🤔, so, Cordelio:3)

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@yuikomoriemo ^^🍓✨

Hehe, I got excited and wrote a lot, oops:0

I been reading about the diamoms to get inspiration for their male version, but inevitably I started to fantasize about their genderbends like characters of the game, as diaboys as well. And omg! I'm in love of all three!~✨ (well, four counting Yui🌸)

Oh, at least that's how I pictured in my head hahhahsha🥴✌️.

★That's all for now~ 🍓 Later I'll make another part ^^~🌈✨ (excuse my English if I made a mistake^^')

[thechaoticreader]

Popular Books I Read and HATED

*Disclaimer: If you like any of these books, slay! I'm happy for you! These are just my own consumer choices, and imo negative book reviews are just as helpful as positive ones!*

This list is not long because I don't actively dislike many books that I read, and I have a very good sense of what I will and will not like, but there are some I had to read/were misled into reading so here we go:

1. Tender Is The Flesh

by Agustina Bazterrica

My rant review is above if you want more details but recently I've seen a few videos that articulate my feelings in a way that I couldn't before so im going to add a few reasons here that were not included in the original post:

It gave very Qanon and general antisemitic vibes: i.e blatant conspiracy made up by the "wealthy liberal elites" to encourage cannibalism for their own enjoyment (I know she's Argentinian however that doesn't mean im not allowed to get the ick from it)

Purposefully inaccurate depictions of meat industry and disrespect for farmers (context: im a vegetarian from farm country with a roommate who works in the cattle industry - Angus beef if you're curious - so im very familiar with the process and cannot say in good conscious that it is all bad -> just support local farmers <3)

world building makes little sense

COWS DO NOT EQUATE TO HUMANS NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO !!!!!!!!

the "disease" doesn't make sense (even if its made up who would believe it)

No themes were treated with the depth nor nuance they require (capitalism, feminism, veganism etc.)

I think thats all I haven't covered but this is the only book I have ever read where my hatred of it continues to grow with each day. I went out of my way and deleted it from my reader and get annoyed every time I see it. And for the record (because yes i'm salty) I didn't hate it because it was too disturbing, in fact I've read and loved worse and ive been an avid horror reader since I was (admittedly too) young. I hate it because there wasn't a well done story underneath the gore. I'll say it loudly for the people in the back GORY HORROR BOOKS STILL DESERVE A GOOD/INTERESTING STORY, especially if you want to try to put complex themes in it. If you cannot write a deep story but you're good at and enjoy gore, write yourself a lil 100 page splatter punk and we can all have a good time <3

Unlike with Tender Is The Flesh I don't have a ton of thought out critical reasons for the rest of these soooooo I'm going to give my highly subjective reasons -> I totally understand why some like them <3

2. The Handmaids Tale

by Margaret Atwood

hated the writing style

It didn't keep my attention

disliked the ending so much I actually threw it across the room <3

3. The Hobbit

by J.R.R Tolkien

hated the writing style

male centered fantasy is not my vibe

my ADHD cannot handle long incredibly descriptive sections in books -> I physically fell asleep multiple times while reading this book

honestly even with the movie I fall asleep every time

0/10 book I want to read

10/10 bedtime story

4. Lord of The Flies

by William Golding

hated the writing style

hated most of the characters (and not in a slay anti-hero way)

was forced to read it in high school and it single handedly sent me into a 4 year reading slump... I missed so many good books because of this and will forever hold a grudge

5. Romeo & Juliet

By William Shakespeare

I'm too jaded and gay to enjoy this -> every single character is so painfully stupid

tbh im just bitter that his (imo) better plays get less love than this one, its way over hyped

but I will give it points for boring me so much that I wrote my first fanfic (Romeo x Mercutio if you're curious ... no its not posted anywhere and it never will be <3)

sidenote -> Shakespeare plays I love incl:

Hamlet (duh im a depressed emo gay on Tumblr)

Macbeth (also duh, witches and female manipulator... need I say more)

Othello (a slow burn for the true crime girlies)

Measure for Measure (absolutely underrated, please please please look into this play -> I saw a production of it and it was incredible)

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Once again Cat Sebastian took characters I actively disliked/didn't care about from a previous novel and made me love them. This one was lovely and the twist totally took me by surprise, even though it shouldn't have. A+ Cat Sebastian please write more books (I have totally already preordered her next book).

Who would think a book about living through the AIDS epidemic in NYC in the 80s would be as funny as this book is? It will also tear your heart out and stomp on it. Highly recommended. This was a 5 star read. Also takes place partly in Minneapolis (and is by a Minnesotan author) so it gets bonus stars for that.

Another delightful entry into Roan Parrish's Garnet Run series. This one was the most lighthearted. My only problem with this series is that I kind of don't want the old characters showing up as much as they do. I never like them as much when they're just side characters.

Neal Stephenson...you might want to consider taking a break from writing. Parts 1 and 2 were pretty good - typical Stephenson, though I wouldn't say he's at his best in this one. The science is super interesting (I have no idea if it's realistic) and it's an interesting doomsday scenario. Part 3, on the other hand, was unnecessary and simplistic (Cold War in space! Noble Savage! White Savior!). It was such poor payoff for the first 2/3 of the book that I repeatedly wished he hadn't bothered at all—and that I hadn't bothered reading the book.

Also it was almost 900 pages long.

I didn't LOVE love the first book in this series, but you know, it was good enough for me to pick up the sequel. I was actually enjoying this one more, but it fell apart for me during The Break Up. One of the main characters is basically allowed to get away with his bullshit because...I don't know, he's just Like That. It irritated me.

Despite the printing error, I was able to read this book. I love this series and am sad it's over. If you want a good space opera with a friends to lovers to enemies to lovers again, I highly recommend this one. It's also Very Gay! Plus great female characters.

This is a queer military series so if that's not your thing, you won't like this book haha. So far it's followed two guys serving on a submarine. It's pretty typical Annabeth Albert, and tbh the military stuff is pretty secondary (and in this one there is 0 time spent on a sub). This one has a single dad as the love interest, and while I'm always pretty eh about romances involving children, Albert does it pretty well.

Man was this one heavier than I thought it was going to be. Milo and Marcus both come from very conservative families and meet at Bible camp, where they room together and fall for each other, though neither of them acts on it. Milo decides he's going to tell Marcus how he feels, only for Marcus to disappear from camp. Three years later...Marcus moves to Daytona Beach and starts at Milo's high school! There is a lot of internalized homophobia in this one and a lot of Milo struggling with what he's been taught in church and by his parents, and at times it got hard to read. It was really good, though.

This is one that I kept almost buying because it's pretty, but then I'd read the summary (again) and think, eh. I ended up picking up a used copy at my local indie bookstore, and...eh. Definitely not a bad book. I loved the world, and I really like Lexos. Rhea was...not great. I realized after reading this that I really don't care for the current popular trope of the Unhinged Woman Who Doesn't Know What She Stands For. Like, she's got this thing that's ostensibly driving her, but that thing gets taken away, and now she's empty. I don't know that I've ever seen it pulled off in a way where I didn't go at the end, "Oh, so she actually was just a super flat character all along?" I was trying to think of examples of male characters who fit this trope. I'm sure they're out there but I couldn't think of any. Anyway, I'll probably read the sequel, because the world really was cool, and Lexos is poor little meow meow material (spent his whole life trying to earn his father's love and respect, never could).

Oh man this book was great. The first one had some horror elements, but this one was straight up horror for large portions of the book. Like, action-horror—think Army of Darkness. I love all the characters so much. The bond between Rune and Brand is *chef's kiss*. Male friendship done beautifully.

KJ Charles is like Cat Sebastian in that no one does historical romance like she does. I confirmed once more that I love the interwar period, especially when one of the mains is a Wounded Veteran of WWI. This book actually reminded me of Cat Sebastian's Hither, Page (which is post WWII) which I love, so I was pretty primed to also love this. I'd love to see the further adventures of Archie and Daniel, but considering it was written in 2015, I'm not sure that's going to happen.

I liked this book, but also the dialogue got very annoying at times. Is this how The Kids talk these days? Also rolled my eyes hard at the section devoted to the author getting up on his soapbox to share how he feels Call Me By Your Name is really problematic. But overall I enjoyed it, and the bi rep was top tier, as was the yearning.

Okay so while I enjoyed this book well enough, it would have been half the length if Pons had cut out all of the 'I've never felt so connected to another person in my life' paragraphs. I swear, the main character was constantly connecting with his boyfriend in a way he never had with anyone else ever. The book was very much about Will, but there was some heavy stuff introduced about Graham that I didn't think was really given the due it deserved. But it was a sweet love story, and a story about healing. Also I didn't see the twist coming.

So coincidentally, Call Me By Your Name was right there in my TBR pile as I was reading This is Why They Hate Us. I liked it a lot, though the weird racist interlude really threw me and I can't figure out what the metaphor was or what Acimen was trying to say.

Fam, I am finally reading Dark Rise. It is not gay yet, but I'm only up to page 100. I really didn't know what it was about and only picked it up because Pacat wrote it, so the plot has surprised me so far. Very different from Captive Prince.

[malarkiness]

I finished The Hidden Palace a while back and now I want to talk to myself about it, so.

I honestly expected Chava and Ahmad to have a will-they-won't-they thing going for about half this novel, but NOPE. That's clarified like 20 pages in. They will. And they do. Often. 🎉🎉🎉

Something that's explored a bit more in this book is not only how different Chava and Ahmad are due to their natures as a golem and a jinni, but also how different they are just because one's trying to live as a woman and the other as a man. Like that scene where they're talking about women's suffrage (as one does immediately after sex), Ahmad just doesn't get why Chava would give a damn about it when she's not a human woman, and Chava can't make him understand that regardless of her being a golem, she's seen as and treated like a woman, and blending in for her means a lot more capitulating to what he sees as petty human problems that are beneath him. And Ahmad really does take his freedom -- even while he's bound to human form -- as a male for granted. And it takes him forever to realize that Chava can't have that (and likely won't have it for several decades). The fact that the book ends with Ahmad leaving for a new city purely to satisfy his own curiosity while Chava disguises herself as a maid in her own house (that she can't even own outright because of her sex) is such a fitting way to cap that theme, honestly.

All this made me wonder how their storylines would change if Ahmad were female and Chava male, tbh. I think Ahmad would've snapped and resorted to total isolation much, much sooner, while Chava likely wouldn't exist at all because the whole reason she was created was to fulfill some creepy dude's desire for the perfect obedient woman.

Something that really bothered me, though, was how Ahmad handled Arbeely's diagnosis. Like I always imagined he wouldn't take Arbeely's death well, but I didn't expect him to just leave at the first sign of it and never see him again. It's funny because Ahmad sort of justifies distancing himself from humans because of what he did to Sophia (and Fadwa, but she's weirdly never mentioned in this book), but obviously you can hurt someone through inaction, too. I get that Ahmad had his own way of processing his grief about what was coming, and that he and Arbeely rarely actually talked about what they needed to even before the latter's diagnosis so maybe this reaction was just par the course, but still. That's such a callous way for their relationship to end, and Arbeely deserved so much better from him.

Honestly, Ahmad is almost insufferable in this book, lmao. Like that's perfect characterization, and I wouldn't change anything about it, but just. I totally understand why almost every female character ends up hating him.

I loved so many of the character relationships/interactions in this book:

I think Ahmad and Maryam's might be my favorite, what with her basically taking on the responsibility (from Arbeely) to protect the community from Ahmad and vice versa. It was a perfect follow-up to learning that she was the one who actually brought Ahmad to NYC in the first place. And I loved her line to Ahmad about humans eventually catching up to and possibly even surpassing him within his lifetime.

Sophia and Dima's relationship was interesting, too. I was hoping they would stay together in some way, especially after Dima got fed up with Ahmad after like two days, lmao. She even says that she wishes Sophia had been the one she had been searching for all this time, which.... 👀 Anyway, Dima and Sophia are essentially bound together anyway at the end of the book. If there's a third book, I'd love to see more of them together, trying to navigate their bizarre relationship (especially with both of them being outcasts).

I like that Anna and Chava still have this awkward, arm's-length sort of friendship going on, while Anna continues to just have 0 patience for Ahmad, period.

Honestly, I think my favorite part of the whole book was the last few chapters where all of the main cast is finally in the same room together. You have, what, five humans who likely would've never met one another if it weren't for the fact that they all have a fantastical creature or two in common. At a certain point, I just started wondering which human was going to knock on the Amherst door next. Sophia? The Radzins? It was really sweet, too, because Ahmad's initially so annoyed by everyone and their mother showing up at his building, but then he gradually eases into it.

I'll admit I didn't really like Toby's little sleuthing storyline all that much. It actually reminded me a lot of Schaalman trying to track down the key to eternal life in the first book: it's a character trying to solve a mystery that the reader already knows most of the answers to. The main difference is that Schaalman was a fascinating character, while Toby... is just Toby, God love him. But I did like his first scene with Kreindel, though, and how he was the one who got her to start thinking that she didn't have to fully depend on Yossele for protection/emotional support.

One thing that I'm not totally sure how I feel about is Yossele's ending. I get that he and Dima are in this story (partly) just to show how different Chava and Ahmad are from who they used to be/what they're supposed to be, and also highlight just how drastically different jinn and golems are as creatures. Jinn are free and flighty and arrogant and don't answer to anyone, while golems are almost more akin to tools than conscious beings. And Yossele embodies that so clearly that when his master has to destroy him, it really puts his nature at odds with Chava's. I was hoping that he'd get a more ambiguous ending, like maybe he'd stay wandering at the bottom of the Hudson or even the Atlantic, and somehow eventually gain more self-awareness, but in the end, he's destroyed because he's dangerous and because he's just... not needed anymore. Kreindel now has friends and people who will look out for her, so there's no reason for Yossele to keep living as her protector. It's bleak, but that's what's meant to happen to a golem that's outlived its purpose, and that just leaves you wondering about Chava's future.

That said, Ahmad giving Chava the instructions for her destruction because he understands that it's something she has a right to, but writing that "[she] deserves life" regardless? Like........... I didn't cry at any point while reading this book, but I came close there.

For the record, I don't care that Ahmad broke his promise Chava, honestly, like I kind of doubt he'd have kept it even if they hadn't been essentially broken up by that point. I think the way their promise was amended at the end of the book -- that they'd always love each other, even if they wouldn't always be together -- was a nice touch. That's really a perfect way to handle a relationship between two creatures like them who will likely live for centuries (if not longer for Chava). I'm hoping this means that they'll just weave in and out of each other's lives, and think that was meant to be implied when Chava picked up a train schedule after Ahmad left for Chicago.

I loved Chava as a teacher. That was such a perfect role for her to fit into because she can totally empathize with having to learn completely new information with 0 background to any of it, and she'd always take her students seriously. It’s sweet, and it seems like she really could make a life out of this because she clearly enjoys it so much and it comes to her so naturally, but then she finds Yossele, and it all falls apart. It sort of reminds me of that moment near the end of the first book where she briefly experienced having a master again, and how it was strangely exhilarating for her, even though she was being forced to hurt someone she cared about. And now that knowledge is just something she’ll have to live with.

I also liked that Chava's apparently going to run a boarding house for outcasts (or that's how I understood it, anyway), with a door open for Dima if she ever decides she doesn't want to be alone anymore. Her and Sophia keeping in touch and wanting to look out for Dima is honestly really sweet.

Oh, another thing I really liked was the theme about storytelling, especially in the hands of children (human and jinn alike), and how stories are living parts of a culture that change with every retelling. There was a specific line somewhere about humans always trying to "attach" ourselves to bigger stories -- sometimes just as a means to bond with one another, and other times for more self-centered reasons (like the characters trying to relate tragedies like Triangle or Titanic back to themselves even when they didn't have any real connection to either) that’s stayed with me ever since I finished the book.

Overall, I really liked The Hidden Palace. Not as much as the first book, but eh, that's usually the case. It was great for a sequel: The character arcs evolved very naturally from where they left off at the first book, and it didn't retread too much on covered ground.

That said, I read through the whole thing in like 24 hours, so I probably missed some finer details and themes. I'm definitely going to reread it once I get through my ILLs and other checkouts.

[ransprang]

hihi!! pls don't eat me alive ;; but i'd like to request a male romantic sfw/nsfw match up for harry potter and hxh if that's okay !!  :,)

i go by she/they pronouns, i am an INFP (rip), a hufflepuff, and my zodiac sign is pisces.

im very shy around new people, but i do adjust quickly to cool dudes who just vibe, yk? but pls don't ask me to make a phone call,, i will start ugly crying lol.

I have a lot of trust issues and i tend to open up when i get to know someone more, so i prefer a partner who is very patient and committed. i love being pampered and treated like a princess lmao. i can't stand ppl who's first instinct is to run away when things go south >:(

my love languages include words of affirmation, and physical touch. i do like recieving gifts, but only in really special occasions and it should have a very thoughtful/sentimental value.

i have dark, shoulder length that's styled into a wolf cut. my eyes are dark dark dark brown and i wear big round ass glasses bc i have the worst eyesight. i also stopped growing in 7th grade,, ive been 5"0 forever now ;;

my hobbies include drawing, painting, and listening to music !!! my favourite artists include the beatles, the neighborhood, and daniel caesar. i also love spooky books and movies, they scare me but its all part of the thrill. sometimes i play games,, but its only limited to casual indie games or pixel RPGmaker games like omori.

i dont have a set style,, but its either im dressed like a fckin jojo character or  bundled up into an oversized sweater cocoon. no middle ground lol.

agdhdbdudiebf i hope i did this right,, and im sorry if i did anything wrong !! D: this is my first ever match-up ;A;

but thank you for this aaa!! i saw that you guys had all of the fandoms im really into so you guys are really neat and awesome for that 😭💕 pls keep doing what youre doing ily <333

don't worry all the details are fine!! thank you for taking the time to read our rules. admin sar is very happy that someone appreciates how neat and tidy she keeps this blog :D We hope you like your match ups!

your vibers,

admins sar, sav & san

Your Harry Potter match up is...... LUPIN!!

SFW

Lupin won't judge you for being a Hufflepuff. Instead he'll judge you for dressing like a jojos character.

Lupin would love your wolf cut, because he is a bit of a wild man himself :)

Expect candlelight dinners and chocolate bars for desert with this man.

Lupin would tell spooky wizard tales to you, especially ones from his childhood.

He'd be down to watch horror movies with you. He's a werewolf. There's no way he'll get scared. He'll only get mad at inaccuracies in wolf movies.

He is a teacher so he would give excellent pep talks and good words of affirmation and encouragement for you.

N/SFW

Lupin promises to not eat you alive. But he may eat you out.

He would be forever grateful if you gift him butt plugs. In exchange he'd buy you a butt plug with a wolf tail.

He pampers you after sex and licks your sore holes.

He'll use the hair he shed during sex and make a crown for you.

Lupin likes doggy style anyway so your height doesn't matter.

You can play wolf howls in the back while having sex with Lupin when you guys are having exhibitionist feelings.

Your HxH match up is...... GON!! (AGED UP)

SFW

He puts bugs in your hair while you are crying to cheer you up.

Gon is a cool dude who will vibe with you. He'll buy you mugs that say 'Good Vibes Only'.

He won't run away from you like Ging did with him <3

Gon is a perfect gentleman and knows how to treat a lady. He would arrange the cutest dates for you and give you very thoughtful presents.

Gon would watch horror movies with a cheerful smile while the goriest things are happening on screen. He's friends with an assassin what do you expect.

Totally can get into the same music as you.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Exit Strategy (S2, E10)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:40 - Oh it’s Capshaw’s dream. Well. That’s upsetting. 

1:10 - .....she was performing surgery on herself?!!? WTF?

1:37 - The fact that Jessica broke into her adult child’s home to steal Martin memorabilia is hilarious to me. Also deeply upsetting. Because - dysfunctional. 

1:40 - “In my loft? Where I live?” hahahahahahaha sassy!Malcolm for the win! Also - there is something so so cute about the way Tom delivers this line. <3 It’s precious. 

1:46 - “I don’t always wake up screaming.” ....so historically we know this is true. Malcolm didn’t wake up screaming at the beginning of 1x15 when Eve was in his loft....but still... Malcolm’s mental health has been in tatters. I find it highly unlikely that he wouldn’t be waking up screaming. Especially since he was hallucinating last episode!!!!

1:55 - The Never. Ever. Room?!?!?! I’m shook. I’m amused. I’m horrified. I can’t believe that Jessica would let Malcolm keep that stuff in his loft. Why isn’t it locked up in a storage container or something? Jessica let Malcolm - the boy that Martin traumatized - sleep in the same building as all of Martin’s belongings?!?! Nah. Jessica is so overbearing .... I just don’t buy it. 

2:21 - “I am ignoring the Surgeon altogether.” Awww look at how proud Malcolm is to tell Jessica about his serial killer cleanse. He’s like, “I finally have news that will make Mom happy!!” <3 <3 Precious. 

2:36 - “He’s been calling. Non-stop.” annnnnnnd there’s are sad profiler. He’s putting on a good act for Jessica but he’s still clearly in a lot of emotional pain. 

3:15 - Really? The writers have Jessica riding the Brightwell train now? For real? I’m here for it but it feels kind of fast? Forced? Out of left field? I mean Jessica’s totally the type of mom who meddles in her kid’s love life (remember Eve?) but in the middle of the whole Ainsley-Endicott fiasco? Jessica should be more concerned about Malcolm’s mental state and less concerned with his relationship status. 

3:17 - Did Malcolm really just admit (sort of abstractly, but still) that he’s interested in Dani romantically? Doesn’t he realize that Jessica will try to interfere?!? He’s basically given her his blessing!!! 

3:25 - awwwww....the pic of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley is so cute. <3

3:40 - UGH. I want to know more about that key and what it unlocks so badly!!!

3:46 - “Oh great. Detective Mom.” <3 I love it when he calls Jessica “Mom” instead of “Mother”. <3

4:36 - ......Mr.David and Martin have such an interesting dynamic. Martin listens to Mr. David without showing any signs of anger, resentment, or his usual psychopathic manipulation. Mr. David controls Martin much the way a parent controls their well-behaved child. I just find it so fascinating that Martin treats Mr. David with respect. That’s not Martin’s usual reaction when things don’t go his way.

5:00 - I’m so happy we keep getting more screen time with Hector. <3 This dude’s great. 

6:05 - soooo the fact that Jessica stabbed Daryl in the neck is probably going to inhibit Daryl’s ability to speak right? Making Daryl a useless source of information regarding the breakout?

6:24 - I love everything about this scene with Gil’s new car. I love that Malcolm’s “wow, the Coronet’s looking good.” is said with this little smile. As though Malcolm doesn’t really care about the car, but he knows mentioning it will make Gil happy. I love Gil’s rant about “No more Whitly’s around my car.” and Gil’s glare when JT asks about Tarmel’s around the car. I love Dani’s “boys and toys” line. UGh. It was just the little dose of found family that I craved. <3 BUT I do have one small complaint/concern. Gil. He said, “No more Whitly’s around my car.” Whitly’s. Why did he refer to Malcolm as a Whitly? 

6:54 - “Some major Japan-y vibes.”.....I’m sorry the word you’re looking for is “Japanese”?!?! Anyone else get super distracted by this line?!? 

7:56 - “Old people” HA. OMG. I love this so much. <3 <3

9:11 - As someone with severe social and general anxiety that has at times bordered on a form agoraphobia - Dani’s dismissive tone when she says “he’s afraid to leave the house.” hurts. Especially since it feels really out of character for Dani. She doesn’t usually dismiss people so quickly. Maybe there’s a story there? She had an agoraphobic family member? 

10:14 - “NYPD. Adjacent.” Why isn’t Malcolm a member of the NYPD yet? He trained with the FBI. He’s clearly capable of being employed as a detective for the NYPD. Is it because he doesn’t want to carry a gun? Is it because Gil doesn’t want Malcolm to carry a gun? Is it bureaucracy (probably)?

10:44 - Malcolm explaining why the antique pistol won’t fire is adorable. 

10:57 - This dude hasn’t left the house since March of 1997. Martin was arrested in 1998. Is this supposed to have some sort of double meaning? Like maybe Malcolm discovered that Martin was killing people in 1997 but the chloroform confused him for a while and he didn’t call the cops until 98′? Is this supposed to be a metaphor for the fact that Malcolm hasn’t been truly alive since 1997? He’s just been in survival mode - he hasn’t been living.

11:22 - “I’m not too good around people.” This dude is Malcolm. Malcolm lives in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Malcolm isn’t so good with relationships or casual human interactions. 

11:30 - It makes perfect sense to me that Dani is the detective that Malcolm brings in to talk to Gerald. Forget the Brightwell agenda. Gerald is a scared old man. JT and Gil are authoritative men (they’re teddy bears but they can also be scary). Dani is a woman. Women are typically seen as less of a threat. Though Dani could totally kick just about anyone’s ass. But it makes sense to me that a scared witness would feel more comfortable around the smaller female detective than the large male ones. 

12:03 - Ugh. I feel so bad for Gerald. The dude is clearly experiencing some sensory overload on top of his anxiety. :( 

12:15 - hahahaha the absolute best part of this little Brightwell moment is Gerald’s reaction. This old man just connected the dots and you can see it ALL over his face.  ....but also, it’s a really cute moment. <3

12:38 - “Too late if you ask me.” Is it just me or does Gerald seem protective of Rosalie here? Almost paternal? 

13:03 - “You still think like a grand master” Is this supposed to be an illusion to the way that Malcolm thinks about cases? He thinks like the killer in order to solve the case?

13:13 - WHY DOES MALCOLM KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT A CHESS LEGEND FROM THE 70s and 80s?!? Did baby!Malcolm have a chess phase? I want details.

13:22 - I love Gerald. He’s such a cute little old man. He’s scared but you can tell that he has a good heart and that he’s extremely smart. Look at how impressed he is with Malcolm. <3 He’s a lot like Malcolm. 

13:27 -”Memory was always my gift.” Memory is Gerald’s gift but it’s been Malcolm’s curse.

15:04 - Malcolm is so close to snapping. Look at this poor boy. He’s at the end of his rope. :( 

15:14 - “Looks like you got some sleep.” Awwww proud!Gil <3 

15:40 - “Agoraphobia often comes from trauma.” Yep. Malcolm identifies with Gerald. I wonder if Malcolm ever went through a period of agoraphobia? Maybe as a teen? 

15:48 - .....is this foreshadowing? When the truth about Endicott comes out is Malcolm going to be deemed an ‘unreliable witness’? Or maybe that’s how Ainsley is going to try and pin the murder on Malcolm?

15:58 - annnnnd we finally got a good shot of concerned!Gil. There’s no way that Gil isn’t reading between the lines here. He knows Malcolm identifies with Gerald and he knows Malcolm is having issues with his mental health, identity, and self-worth. SOMEONE CONFRONT HIM. WHERE IS THE MALCOLM INTERVENTION?!!?

16:20 - “Are you alright? Don’t answer that.”.....because Martin doesn’t actually care about Malcolm’s mental or physical health. Martin is a narcissist who has a story to tell. 

16:27 - “No. Me first.” I’m. So. Proud. Of. Malcolm. <3 <3 

16:56 - “That felt good.” :) Awwww... <3 I’m proud of Malcolm for this but Martin is totally going to hold it against him in later episodes. It’s going to fuel some sort of anger. Just wait for it. 

17:05 - Again. Mr. David acts like Martin’s dad. If Martin were 8 years old. 

17:40 - Chrisitan Brole is a treasure. His acting is incredible. Friar Pete is creepy, likeable, funny, and terrifying. Honestly. Give him an Emmy. 

20:00 - “*sigh* kid.” This breaks my heart. You can see Gil’s doubt and concern all over his face. He’s doubting Malcolm’s ability to make an accurate profile of Gerald because he knows how much Malcolm identifies and sympathizes with Gerald. He’s concerned about Malcolm because....I mean have you seen him lately? The boy is spiralling and it hurts to watch. But Gil is scared for Malcolm right now. Gil is now worried that the cases aren’t enough to distract Malcolm. That Malcolm can’t work on cases anymore. That Malcolm’s mental health has compromised his ability to work effectively. 

20:50 - “We’re friends. Partners” Listen to the longing in Malcolm’s voice when he says “partners”. He wants to be romantic partners with Dani - not just work partners. It’s obvious. This boy is an open book when it comes to how he feels about Dani. 

21:08 - “And she never will.” there is something about the way Tom delivers this line. How he sort of trips over the words. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not but it works. It somehow makes it more raw and emotional. Malcolm wants so so badly to tell Dani how he feels but he’s convinced that he’s a monster. That she deserves someone more stable than him. Someone with less trauma. Malcolm is convinced that he’s not safe for anyone to love. Malcolm is convinced he’s going to snap and become Martin. 

21:17 - “Sounds lonely.” I love the way Malcolm immediately dismisses this as ‘tactical empathy’. Malcolm has accepted that he will be alone forever. He’s convinced himself he deserves it. I’m willing to bet that Malcolm rarely (if ever) actually feels lonely. Between coping mechanisms, hallucinations, and trauma - I doubt his mind is ever quiet enough for him to notice loneliness. 

21:27 - “You’ve spent your life mastering a game. I’ve spent mine mastering how people think.” .....ok but chess is basically about predicting your opponents moves and then Gerald graduated to people watching soooooo they’re really not that different. 

22:06 - I love this. I love how Malcolm turns on Gerald only for Gerald to emphatically explain how he lives through that window. Because - isn’t Malcolm the same? How many people have accused Malcolm of being a murderer when really he’s just a man who only feels alive when he’s solving murders and putting away killers?

22:50 - Rosalie helped Gerald much like Dani helps Malcolm. But Gerald couldn’t help Rosalie because he was trapped in his trauma. .....sooooo what’s going to happen to Dani? Or is this just supposed to be a reference to the fact that Dani can’t trust Malcolm because he’s keeping Endicott a secret and she knows something is up?

22:51 - ummmmm 60bpm??!?!? That’s a borderline athletic resting heart rate for a man in his 50s. There’s no way Martin’s in that great of shape. He’s trapped in his cell most of the day. 

24:28 - oooookkkkkayyyy so maybe Capshaw isn’t as smart as I thought she was. Martin is playing her like a fiddle. Although that dream sequence from the intro did make it seem like she was only interested in Martin because she craved medical power and respect. 

25:22 - Martin didn’t call Jessica his wife to screw with Capshaw. He genuinely still thinks of Jessica as his wife.....this is not good for the future. This tracks with the dreams Martin’s had throughout this season of going back home to his family. 

25:44 - Oh yeah. Jessica knows that woman is into Martin. 

26:41 - “Isn’t it obvious? It’s the key to my heart.” LMAO holy shit. 

26:56 - “I can tell when you’re lying.” “Not historically.”......Martin has a point. 

28:27 - This counts as my “someone confronts Malcolm about his mental health” bingo square for the episode right? 

28:35 - Look at Gil. He knows Malcolm is lying through his teeth and he’s so so tired of it. He looks so sad and annoyed. Gil loves Malcolm so much and he’s clearly concerned about Malcolm but I honestly think Gil just feels helpless right now. Malcolm is spiralling and Gil can’t help because Malcolm won’t open up. 

29:15 - “When she didn’t give up Clayton he killed her. Brave girl.”.....does this mean there’s going to be an attempt on someone’s life this season? Maybe Martin tries to kill Ainsley because she’s going to pin Endicott’s murder on Malcolm? Or Malcolm tries to kill Ainsley because she doesn’t give up Martin’s location? Or Ainsley/Martin try to kill Malcolm because he tries to come clean about everything?

29:26 - “If anyone can get through to this guy it’s you.” THANK YOU. Malcolm really needed that assurance. This dude is so full of negative emotions, self doubt, and pain. Every moment he feels supported, believed in, or loved is immensely treasured. 

30:26 - Oh Capshaw. You dumb dumb dumb woman. Look at Martin’s face. Capshaw has freed a monster. That’s Martin’s “I’m a raging serial killer” expression. 

30:29 - Holy shit. Look at how quickly Martin put the “I’m a harmless doctor” mask. In the span of about 1 second he went from killer to angel. Michael Sheen is incredible. 

31:04 - “You don’t have to be trapped in here.” It breaks my heart to hear Malcolm encourage Gerald to break free from his trauma when Malcolm is still a prisoner to his own. 

31:10 - “This is your next move” “No. It’s not”. THIS. This sums up anxiety disorders. Everyone tells you to ‘move on’ or ‘take a deep breath’. They all tell you that ‘everything will be fine’. They ask you ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen.” The problem: most people with anxiety disorders know the majority of their fears (or at least the severity of them) is irrational. Most people with anxiety disorders have tried therapy, drugs, coping mechanisms, breathing techniques, ect. Anxiety doesn’t go away because you want it to. Telling someone to move on - just makes it worse. Especially someone who has lived with severe anxiety so long that it feels like a crucial part of their personality. I’ve had a severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember - I don’t want to heal. I don’t know who I’d be without severe anxiety. I’m scared to find out. 

32:10 - “Family comes first”........soooo is Martin escaping to groom Ainsley for the family business (murder)? For Malcolm (to save him from Ainsley)? To protect Malcolm from a new Surgeon related skeleton (akin to Endicott)? WHY? 

32:33 - ahhhh Papa!Gil. I’ve missed you. 

33:25 - I have this headcannon that baby!Malcolm had pet rats at some point (he’d had snakes so I feel like rats would be in his wheelhouse). One day while Malcolm was at school the rats escaped from their cage and scared the crap out of Jessica. Jessica demands that the rats be removed from the home. That’s it. That’s the scene that plays in my head. 

33:39 -.....Jessica is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Why? 

34:03 - “Jess it’s good to hear from you but -” They’re dating again now. Right? <3 

34:06 - “What?!” Fear and confusion. That’s the look on Gil’s face. We love to see it. 

 34:25 - “Martin is escaping.” Look at Gil’s face. He’s terrified. He’s staying calm and acting like he’s in control but this dude is terrified that the people he loves most in the world (Jessica and Malcolm) are in serious and immediate danger. 

34:50 - .....last I checked Malcolm was claustrophobic with specific closet-related trauma......

35:40 - “There’s only one play for a pawn.”.....does this mean Malcolm considers himself a pawn in Martin’s game? Disposable. Limited options. Replaceable. Of little worth? :( 

35:57 - “What would you know about it Judas.” Huh. Pete is pissed at Martin. Is it because Pete views Martin’s nasty relationship with Capshaw as a betrayal akin to Judas’ betrayal of Jesus?

36:36 - Jessica using her heels as a weapon is honestly such a mood. hahaha

36:54 - Poor Jessica. The moment she realizes that she’s trapped with a killer who not only hates Martin but also has an hallucinatory friend is haunting. This woman goes from terrified to petrified. But look at her poker face. She’s brave. She tries to talk her way out of it. She tries to think her way out of it. She’s like Malcolm.

37:42 - Jessica firmly telling Daryl not to take another step right before she stabs him in the neck with a high heel is everything. Listen to her terrified screaming. She can’t believe she just stabbed the man (even if it was self-defence). This woman did the impossible while scared to death. She is a badass. She’s my hero. I love her. 

38:12 - “All she had to do was tell me where my brother was. Except they were in love”.....does this mean Ainsley or Martin is going to try and kill Dani?

39:32 - “Don’t you think that’s what Rosalie would’ve wanted for you? This time make the right choice.” Wow. Malcolm is really metaphorically berating himself. What I heard was “Don’t you think Dani would want you to live without fear and guilt? This time - tell her your secret. Come clean. You’ll feel better.”

40:12 - ....so did Dani steal Gil’s keys or did he give them to her? Can we see how mad Gil is about this? Please? .....also the not-so-subtle “Dani is going to be a part of the Whitly family because she hurt Gil’s car” is not lost on me. I’m just more interested in Gil’s reaction to Dani hurting his baby. 

40:21 - “I see why you like her.” hahaha Gerald is all of us. Whether or not you ship Brightwell, you can’t deny that Dani is a badass and a good friend to Malcolm. That’s reason enough for Malcolm to like her - not necessarily in a romantic way. 

40:30 - Where the hell did Daryl go? If Jessica was trapped where did the man with a high heel in his neck go?!!?! 

40:33 - “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.” <3 <3 The whump whore in me is in love. Forget Gillica. I’ll listen to Gil comforting a traumatized member of the team or Jessica any time, any day. <3 

40:50 - I have so many questions about this escape. Are the guys sticking together? If not - do they know where the other guys plan to go/do? Where will they be getting the post-escape change of clothes (you know the ones that aren’t property of Claremont)? 

40:55 - I’ll be honest, I’m shocked. They’ve been teasing Martin’s escape all season but I really thought he wasn’t going to escape until the finale. Now I’m so excited for the finale. If it’s not a Martin-Ainsley-Malcolm showdown or a Gil-Martin showdown I’m going to be sad. 

41:13. - Martin and Gerald both just took their first breath of fresh air as ‘free’ men after 23-24 years. The symmetry of this episode’s two main plot lines is more obvious than usual. 

41:44 - Look at Gerald being Malcolm’s wingman. hahaha it’s so cute. He’s self-appointed himself as Malcolm’s grandpa and I’m here for it. 

41:51 - REALLY MALCOLM?!!? YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO A VOICEMAIL FROM THE SURGEON NOW?!?! #MORON

42:29 - Martin’s entire message for Malcolm is haunting. Even now, he’s trying to manipulate Malcolm. “I’m not the man I used to be”. I’ll promise you right now - Martin will be killing at least one person in the next 3 episodes. He’s addicted to killing. End of story. 

“I’m doing this for you” ....Is Martin going after Ainsley? I’m genuinely concerned that Martin thinks Ainsley is going to try and kill Malcolm or pin the Endicott murder on Malcolm. I think Martin caught wind of it and is planning on ‘taking care of the problem’ (Ainsley). 

42:35 - Look at Dani. She’s terrified. For Malcolm. For Gil. For New York. For herself. She knows how bad this is and she’s scared. 

42:44 - “You fath-. The Surgeon.” THIS. Dani realized that Malcolm doesn’t need to be reminded that his father is a serial killer. Dani realized that family is more than blood. The Surgeon escaped. Malcolm is in danger. But Malcolm’s father didn’t escape. Malcolm’s father has been dead since 1997/1998 when Malcolm found out he was a serial killer. 

42:55 - Malcolm. :( Look at our baby. :( He’s done. Absolute horror and terror. He looks like he’s going into shock. I honestly thought (*cough* hoped *cough*) he was going to pass out. THIS is what’s going to remove Malcolm as a suspect for ‘aiding/knowing that Martin was planning on escaping’. Same with Jessica. Ainsley doesn’t have a terror driven alibi though. At least - not that we’ve seen. 

AHHHHHHHH this was such an intense episode. I can’t wait for Tuesday. <3

If Malcolm doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to have a stress-induced breakdown for him. Seriously. 

 Thanks for hanging out. 

[dwellordream]

“If any character in English popular culture stands for the sheep, it is Griselda. Her chief detractor is, not surprisingly, the shrew. In Robert Snawsel's A Looking Glass for Married Folks, Eulalie preaches the Griselda gospel to Xanthippe and Margery, urging them to bear their husbands' blows and drunkenness with meek loving kindness. This is too much for Margery: "Are you a woman, and make them such dish-clouts and slaves to their husbands? Came you of a woman, that you should give them no prerogative, but make them altogether underlings?" Margery's scornful reference to slavery goes to the dark heart of the Griselda myth. Folklorists have argued about the ancestry of the famous tale for more than a century. 

William Edwin Bettridge and Francis Lee Utley have made a strong case that Griselda owes her features to a folktale from medieval Smyrna called "the Patience of the Princess." A prince buys a poor girl from her father and lays a wager with her that she will not be able to submit to all his demands with utter composure. The prince shuts her in a tower alone and tests her for twenty years, repeatedly impregnating her and then taking away her newborn infants, telling her that he is going to kill them. She builds a mother doll out of clay to talk to and cry to but never loses her patience, and in this way she wins the bet. 

The tale, which matches the European narrative more closely than any other yet found, throws into stark relief the specter of female sexual slavery that haunts Griselda's story. The most striking variance between them is that the girl from Smyrna is sold into involuntary servitude by her father, whereas Griselda has a choice and agrees to voluntary and total obedience. Passing into European culture, the story came to Boccaccio. In reworking it for the Decameron he reclothed it in local garb, fashioning his novella partly in terms of Italian wedding and dowry customs that were sharply weighted against brides and wives. Boccaccio thought Griselda's story significant enough to give it pride of place as the last tale on the book's final day of storytelling. 

Petrarch read the novella and converted it to an exemplum in Latin for male scholars. Griselda entered English culture through Chaucer's "Clerk's Tale," which is largely based on Petrarch's version. Plays, ballads, and pamphlets on Griselda issued forth on the continent and in England throughout the early modern period, with a cluster of publications and performances in the mid- to late sixteenth century. Arguably the most radical change between versions occurred when Petrarch reworked Boccaccio. The Decameron's final tale is told by the satirist Dioneo, a crucial choice by Boccaccio. Refusing to let the happy ending stay happy, Dioneo spells out the political import of the story and caps it off with a horn joke against the marquis: 

Everyone was very happy with the way everything had turned out ....Gualtieri was judged to be the wisest of men (although the tests to which he had subjected his wife were regarded as harsh and intolerable), and Griselda the wisest of them all ....What more can be said here, except that godlike spirits do sometimes rain down from heaven into poor homes, just as those more suited to governing pigs than to ruling over men make their appearances in royal palaces? 

Who besides Griselda could have endured the severe and unheard-of trials that Gualtieri imposed upon her and remained with a not only tearless but happy face? It might have served Gualtieri right if he had run into the kind of woman who, once driven out of her home in nothing but a shift, would have allowed another man to shake her fur to the point of getting herself a nice-looking dress out of the affair. 

Scholars often downplay Dioneo's bitter words about pig-tending and his final putdown of Gualtieri, attributing it to his cynicism; but their labors to match the tale's disturbing sadism with an uplifting exemplary meaning are less than persuasive. The passage is much more than a glib throwaway, as Edward Fechter points out: "the climax angrily repudiates theological allegory and exemplum." Certainly, it seems fitting that the last lines of the last tale in the Decameron should recapitulate the Boccaccian theme of cuckoldry as female revenge. Dioneo's parting shot about "the shaking of the fur" is also an invitation to his listeners and the book's readers to come up with better interpretations than do the silly sheeplike courtiers of the tale, who judge "Walter wise and Griselda the wisest of all." 

Furthermore, it is a jest that asks for scornful laughter, especially from listeners who have grutched throughout the tale at Walter's arrogance, egotism, and sadism. Petrarch told Boccaccio that the story so fascinated him that he decided to spread the tale to scholars abroad. So "snatching up my pen, I attacked this story of yours." The angle of Petrarch's attack on the novella (which he termed "a little too free at times") becomes manifest at the cuckoldry-free conclusion of "A Fable of Wifely Obedience and Devotion," in which he erases Boccaccio's satire and his bawdy call for female revenge: 

This story it has seemed good to me to weave anew, in another tongue, not so much that it might stir the matrons of our times to imitate the patience of this wife-who seems to me scarcely imitable-as that it might stir all those who read it to imitate the woman's steadfastness, at least; so that they may have the resolution to perform for God what this woman performed for her husband ...Therefore I would assuredly enter on the list of steadfast men the name of anyone who endured for his God, without a murmur, what this obscure peasant woman endured for her mortal husband.

Petrarch's straight-faced version has none of Dioneo's political satire or irony. He is writing in Latin to male scholars, not in vernacular Italian to women and men, as Boccaccio had done. Nonetheless, it is Petrarch that Chaucer credits by name in the vernacular, mixed-audience "Clerk's Tale," although he departs from Petrarch in crucial ways. The Clerk does follow his source in insisting that his moral applies not to wives but to all humankind: This storie is seyd, nat for that wyves sholde Folwen Grisilde as in humilytee, For it were inportable, though they wolde; But for every wight, in his degree, Should be constant in adversitee As was Grisilde .... (I 142-47)

Chaucer actually intensifies Petrarch's warning that wives should not try to imitate Griselda, calling her example "inportable," or unbearable. (The Merchant, whose turn comes next, blatantly ignores this caveat, complaining "Ther is a long and large difference I Bitwix Grisildis grete pacience I And my wyf the passyng crueltee.") Still, scholarly attempts to align Chaucer's Walter with God do not work because Walter is described as "tempting" his wife, a word almost always associated with sin and vice. In another departure from Petrarch, Chaucer's Clerk breaks in several times to condemn the marquis. After Walter first decides to try his wife, the Clerk interjects hotly what neded it Hir for to tempte, and alwey moore and moore, Thogh som men preyse it for a subtill wit? But as for me, I seye that yvele it sit T'assaye a wyf whan that it is no nede, And putten hire in angwysshe and in drede. (45?-62) 

Chaucer's version subtly calls Grisildis's ovine quality into question. The lamb of God is Christ, of course, and Grisildis' meekness when her daughter is taken away resembles his suffering: "Grisildis moot al suffre and al consente, I And as a lambe she sitteth meke and stille" But "moot" she? Within English popular culture, sheep and lambs do sometimes stand for the positive values of resignation and endurance-for example, in emblems on patience. But there is no doubt that sheep generally connote passivity, cowardice, and stupidity. In terms of sheer frequency, the negative secular connotation overwhelms the positive religious one.

 A related complicating effect is the criticism leveled at "the unsad" (that is, fickle and sheeplike) people of the realm, who at first deplore Walter's acts but change their minds when they see the pretty new queen (actually his daughter), leading "sadde folk" to exclaim: "0 stormy people! unsad and evere untrewe!" As the Clerk finishes his tale, he shows that he is fully aware that not all his listeners will appreciate Griselda's virtues. With teasing wit he acknowledges the Wife of Bath, who has been called the tale's motivating force and dialogic counterpart. Just before the comic envoy he promises "for the Wyves love of Bathe" to gladden her "and al hire secte" with a song urging them to ignore Grisildis and revel in shrewdam (rr69-74). 

By shifting the Clerk's role from that of the preacher of a pious exemplum to a merry jester-singer, Chaucer undercuts his clerkly authority and blurs the moral legibility of his tale, already obscured by Griselda's lack of moral agency and her husband's viciousness. Nonetheless, Griselda quickly proved alluring to husbands, and she retained that allure despite proving highly problematic as a pattern for wives. Like the new husband in the jest about the pottage, men who wanted very much to promote Griselda as a model found her too hot to handle. 

In the training manual he prepared for his young wife in the 1390s, the Menagier de Paris offers a confused and troubled account of why he wants her to learn about Griselda. He rushes to assure his wife that he'll never torment her "beyond reason" as the "foolish, arrogant" Walter does Griselda, nor does he expect such obedience: I have set down this story here only in order to instruct you, not to apply it directly to you, and not because I wish such obedience from you. I am in no way worthy of it. I am not a marquis, nor have I taken in you a shepherdess as my wife. Nor am I so foolish, arrogant, or immature in judgment as not to know that I may not properly assault or assay you thus, nor in any such fashion. 

God keep me from testing you in this way or any other, under color of lies or dissimulations …I apologize if this story deals with too great cruelty-cruelty, in my view, beyond reason. Do not credit it as having really happened; but the story has it so, and I ought not to change it nor invent another, since someone wiser than I composed it and set it down. Because other people have seen it, I want you to see it too, so that you may be able to talk about everything just as they do.

What he really wants, it seems, is for his wife to be au courant. Griselda had "much currency off the page as a talking point in the late fourteenth century" and was "a subject about which wives might be expected to have an opinion." Codified as a way to get women talking (instead of shutting them up), the narrative about testing is itself a means of testing a woman's opinions and conduct. Is Griselda sick or stoic? Enslaved or free? Is hers a saint's tale, with Walter an abstract tool in the central mystery of her endurance, or is it as much a story about Walter and his court? Is he a cruel tyrant or a stern but loving husband with every right to test his wife? Is Walter God and Griselda a female Christ or Abraham or Job? All these positions have been argued during the six centuries of the debate.

Some recent readers still find Griselda admirable and even question whether she should be regarded as a passive victim. Harriet Hawkins has argued that Chaucer's tale should be read as a criticism of unquestioning obedience to authority, even divine authority, while Lars Engle hears "an implicit voice of sane moral protest" in Grisildis's mild objections to her husband. Such strained attempts at recuperation show that Griselda disturbs more than she edifies, raising but failing to answer questions about the limits of obedience in the face of tyranny and the conflict between Christian duty and wifely subjection.”

- Pamela Allen Brown, “Griselda the Fool.” in Better a Shrew than a Sheep: Women, Drama, and the Culture of Jest in Early Modern England

[h0neyjaehyun]

☁︎ 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐎𝐟 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 ☁︎

Summary // Tali finally meets dream outside of training, in the first day of school.

Characters // Tali Flores + Haechan Lee + Jeno Lee + Mark Lee + Na Jaemin + Bang Chan ( ft. Allen, Song-ho, Karma )

Era / Year // August 2014

Word Count //

⚠️ Warning ⚠️ //mention of Drunk, and Slight suggestion of bullying

"TALIA WAKE UP!" Chan yelled knocking at her door vigorously.

"IM AWAKE IM ALMOST DONE CHRISTOPHER WAIT!" She yelled putting her notebook in her bag and going through the door. Her brother went out of town for a photoshoot and Chan was left to pick her up her brother not wanting her to go on the bus alone with a bunch of creeps.

"Im here im here lets go." She said grabbing Chans arm and dragging him out the door while Chan was trying to grab his sandwich he was making for himself.

"Okay okay." He said getting in the drivers seat, and Tali got in the other side. He drove them to school.

"So how is training going?" He asked while waiting for the red light to turn green

"Its going okay so far, I've made some friends." She said, looking out the window, she's only really made guy friends and can't really relate to the shopping and gossip the girls have but has made a couple. But she has had made friends in Jyp girls because of Chan like Sana, which she was glad. But mostly guys.

"Thats good, no one is picking on you right?" Chan said sensing something off.

"No, no one." She said, which was true but not? Many girls like Jaemin and Jeno and wanted Tali to stay away since there's not doubt she is pretty, so they would make side comments but nothing much so far.

"Yeah, in that case I'm going to visit and pick you up...." Chan then looked at her straight in the eye.

"Personally." He said in a monotone voice.

"Nooooo-"

"Yessss, Butterfly, I care for you, and want you safe. And I know how you are with telling me this stuff." He said parking, she smiled at the nickname she has picked up. He turned to her and huffed.

"And you may be good at lying...but not to me." He said ruffling her hair. She sighed.

"You are to good Christopher...to good." She continued while steping out the car.

"Yeah yeah go, I have an early class, see you later." He said running off, she shook her head at him while walking to the library to grab a book and go to the roof to read.

She went to the library smiling to the people she makes eye contact with. She got to the library but not before catching a familiar guy's eye. Tali walked down the isle looking at fantasy books, when she felt a tap on her shoulder, she turned around making eye contact with a cute boy with an eye smile.

"Oh- hi Jeno." She whispered, since it is a library. He giggled now realizing he is in a library.

"Hi Talia, how are you?" He smiled at her.

"Im doing good, but uh what brings you to the library? No offense its just...you don't seem like the reader." Shs said turning slightly looking over at the books still on her goal it grab a book.

"Well, you're not wrong totally wrong, but I saw you and I haven't seen you outside of training much so I thought we could start hanging out more?" He said scratching the back of his head. Tali smiled at him.

"Of course...wait are the other guys here?" She asked realizing he is probably not alone. He nodded and grabbed her hand about to take her to them.

"Ah wait-"

"Hm?"

She grabbed a book she like, jogged to the check out section with Jeno slowly following her, chuckling.

"Okay, now we can go." She said, he nodded and walked ahead of her and she followed with her book close to her chest.

They turned a corner to see Mark, Jaemin, Haechan hanging out on the window.

"Hey guys look who I found." Jeno said getting everyone's attention. Jaemin reacted first.

"HI Taliii." He said with a big smile on his face going for a hug which she recuperated.

"Hi Jaemin... Hi guys." She giggled.

"Hi Talia." The other two smiled at her.

"Your a first year right?" Mark asked. Talia nodded.

"Ah so you are with us, Haechan said bringing his arm around Jeno."

"What class do you have?" Jaemin asked.

"Mr.Gwon" She said looking at her phone.

"Oh nice I have Mr.Gwon too." Haechan said smiling at her.

"Thats good."

"Hey Tali do you want to have lunch with us?" Jaemin asked.

"Ah sorry I-"

"TALIIII" They turned to the loud voice to see couple quite popular students which are Allen, Karma, and Hyunjin. They were surprised at the calling of her name while she winced at the sound.

"Sorry, I'm gonna eat with a couple of friends, but how about tomorrow?" She asked trying to make a compromise.

"No yeah thats fine." Mark smiled at her .

"Ah ok-"

"TALI HURRY UP.!"

"IM GOING!" She smiled apologetically and ran to the group while waving bye at the boys.

"Hyung she knows them?" Jeno asked Mark, and Mark shrugged.

"Yeah she does." A voice said coming out of no where, they turned to see Daehwi. They smiled at him and he smiled back.

"How so?" Haechan asked, he knew those 3 were popular but how do they know Talia since she seems so reserved and doesn't have that much confidence to talk to people, how would she talk to the popular students.

"You know Aruem?" He asked them, they all nodded.

"Well thats Talia." All their eyes widen.

"Wait so you are telling me, Tali is Aruem...like the girl who can charm many guys without even trying?" Haechan asked in disbelief, yeah sure Talia was pretty but he didn't think Talia was popular, or the girl the students named Aruem. Aruem is like a Korean name that the males in the school picked for her since she is pretty.

Daehwi nodded.

"But I heard rumors that she was stuck up and stuff but then the guys are like she is such a sweetheart?" Mark said confused.

"No she is a sweetheart, its just some girls are jealous." Daehwi clarified. The made :0 faces, thinking it did make sense since they do see Tali helping people so why would she be stuck up.

Time pasted and it was now lunch time, they saw Tali walk over to some of the popular students with some older guys that messed up her hair.

"Hyung?" Mark looked at Haechan and hummed.

"Do you think we will be that close to Tali?" He asked in wonder. Marked looked at Tali then him.

"I hope so." After awhile they talked amongst themselves, while with Tali she excused herself wanting to talk to the boys so they know she does want to be friends and also to show Chan she has friends. She walked over and sat next to Mark, he looked at her with a surprise look.

"What? Is there something on my face?" She asked. He shook his head no.

"I just wasnt expecting you to come over since you are quite popular." He said with a matter a fact tone. She shook her head.

"I personally don't care if I'm popular, I'm only popular because of my looks I acknowledge that but doesn't mean I dont want to hang out with my friends." She said softly putting her head on her crossed arms on the table. Everyone in that table went soft for her since her cheeks were squished like a she was a little puppy.

"We are your friends?" Jaemin asked.

"Well, I hope so." Talis said with a little fear they didn'twant to be. Thats until they smiled with glee, she felt relief wash over her.

"Looks like Aruem over here made herself some friends." She froze at the voice and groaned.

Allen came up from behind and wrapped his arm around her shoulder looking at the boys observing. He came over because he just wanted to see if the boys wanted be her friends, or just because she is pretty since many guys do and want to take advantage of her kindness.

"Hello my name is Allen very nice to meet you guys, but I have to take this beauty away and pick up our friend from middle school." He said slowly dragging taking Talia to the exit, she waved bye at them smiling apologetically as they waved bye back.

"How can you be friends with her, oppa?" Heejin asked as she walked up to the boys with her four minions friends in the hallway. Heejin was always a bully and tried to bring Tali down since she was popular for her looks. The girl was jealous, but most people in the school / grade knew Tali as a sweet person, so they took what she said like a grain of salt.

"Who?" Jeno asked raising an eyebrow at her knowing her reputation.

"Talia, the girl who sat next to Mark oppa." She said, disarmingly sweet. Mark grimaced at the act.

"What do you mean by why we are friends with her?" Haechan asked, observing her and remembering what Daewhi said about girls being jealous.

"Well she is such a bitch outside of school, especially in practice room. She is so stuck up." She said with a matter of fact tone, but with a high pitched voice. Jaemin looked at her with a grimace face getting annoyed at her nice act.

"Really?" Mark asked knowing damn well thats not true since some girls that are not jealous of her and befriended her told the guys she is really shy and sweet.

"Yes, she always made rumors about me and-" was cut off when Chan and Song-ho turned the corner raise their eyebrows at them.

"Would you like to finish that?" Chan asked.

"Oppa, its not what it looks like I would never-"

"Shut up, please you always talk bad about her but most of the students that know her know its not true, and you are just telling them because they don't come to school a lot because of training and don't know her." Song-ho glared at her. She was speechless, embarrassment filled her. She made a fist and glared at Song-ho and walked away with her minions friends.

"Sorry you had to hear that." Chan said changing up his whole demeanor walking up to them.

"Its fine we know its not true." Haechan smiled at them.

"Good, Talia is a sweet girl, she likes to talk about you guys and how she hopes to be good friends." Song-ho said with a reassuring smile.

"Really?" Jaemin asked surprised.

"Yeah, but we gotta go, see yea." Chan said quickly looking at his phone, they walked away quickly. Song-ho looked at him weird.

"Aye,whats wrong?" He said worried.

"It's Talia's dad." He said getting in his car.

"He's drunk again."

[anthonyrothschild]

[ ANTHONY ROTHSCHILD. 30. MALE. HE/HIM] is here! They’ve lived in Silver Lake for [ 30 YEARS (OFF & ON) ] and are originally from [ SILVER LAKE ]. They are a [ UPCOMING BUSINESS OWNER/WINEMAKER ] and in their downtime love [ RACE CAR DRIVING ] and [ PURSING THE STOCK MARKET ]. They look a lot like [ AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON ] and live [ ON SILVERWOOD TERRACE ].

hello, i am alli!! i love lipgloss, money, and expensive frozen yogurt... i give off paris hilton “that’s hot” energy... ok here’s his bullet point bio (but if you want to see the full one, click here or go to url/bio. like this post if you want me to hit you up for plots (or you can take initiative)

birth in silver lake, anthony has lived here his entire life from 0-17. he has been groomed to live the silver spoon life that his parents had ever since he popped out of the womb.

pretty insecure in his youth because he was told he couldn’t do it without them, so he never went against the grain.

family was the classic rich perfectionist family, mother had spent her days at the Cape Fear Country Club, gossiping with the rest of the wives of entrepreneurs/politicians/finance/etc & his father had smoked fat cigars with the likes of the other affluent people of Silver Lake ranging from philanthropists to stockbrokers. known for their huge family dinners on Fridays and the fact that they had never missed a single mass (family was super catholic). 

life was about keeping the Rothschild name clean. scandal was practically unheard of with how hard they worked to keep their reputation pure. 

public did not know his mother had been popping Xanax daily and his father had been committing fraud and embezzlement since the very beginning of his career.

anthony fulfilled his parent’s wishes of having the ideal family-friendly son. popular in school for being a total heartthrob but charismatic and charming to the point of questioning if it was possible that he was even a real person. In typical golden boy style (... that nate archibald energy wld be the closest to understanding it ig?), he crushed it as the midfielder and leader of his high school’s soccer team. as he entered his teenage years, he found himself yearning for something more, this endless itching to wreck havoc and chaos, to break free from the Rothschild reputation.

this is the big moment in the films where the main character starts changing so hang on to your seats!! the knee injury. the force that pushed him over the edge. what made him give it all up. it was his greatest affliction and ruined his up and coming athletic career in the senior year. his knee never recovered fully to its originaly form + he wasn’t allowed to play the sport seriously anymore. 

he gained a devil-may-care outlook on life, notoriety to what was once a wholesome boy-next-door reputation. he lived his life w/an empiricist mindset. opened his ignorant clouded eyes to the truth, his family was completely artificial. he began stealing and reselling cars as well as selling to sad addicted housewives like his own mother who needed their fix b/c he felt hollow. not yet at the nihilism point bt close enough.

eighteen hits + he is gone without a trace: disappearing as if he hadn’t existed in the small town at all. “Why did he leave?” “What is he doing?” “He’s actually here and his father just locked him up like Boo Radley” “I heard the Rothschild boy joined an illegal underground fight club.” Malicious rumors spread. 

none of these rumors had it right. anthony spent most of his 20s traveling the world with one backpack, letting the world be his school. Being cut off, he managed to use some of the money saved from car stealing in the beginning but then kept various jobs (Mostly legal) in the locations that he stayed in temporarily to keep himself afloat. he became a true car enthusiast + realized what he wanted rather than what others wanted.

with a new desire to reinvent himself, he had turned his journals into a novel on his experiences and ended up making some buzz in the literature world. his luck died as quickly as it began, leaving him forgotten in the literature world. Noted as a one-hit wonder, he settled on investing into the stock market to keep himself afloat. despite being told he couldn’t, he made his own fortune and has been living off of his well played investments.

If not for the merciless divorce of his parents (His father had left his mother for a too-young assistant but she ended up taking him for everything that he had), Silver Lake may have just been a chapter in his life to get to the end of the book, a place that he remembers only as a distant memory from ages 0 to 17. ant has come back to start a wine business and finally settling down somewhere, at least for a little while.

that’s what you missed on glee

WANTED PLOTS

old high school fling(s)??

someone who is just as interested in cars as he is + works on them w him.....asdfghbnj

potential family members... cousins whatever.

maybe there is someone he met on one of his journeys

[creativerogues]

I’m Making a Player’s Guide!

Chapter 0: Welcome to the World!

History of the World: A brief history of the world’s events from the foundings of each country to the sealing away of the gods to the War Underground between the Elves of the West and the Drow of the Himmelblas...

Life on the Continent: A brief section on what it’s like to live in the world as it is today, still recovering from a war over half a century ago, and tensions ever rising in the east as new magics are being created and studied in the west...

Chapter 1-ish: Character Creation

An in-depth explanation of where in the world you might find each race and class from the PHB and other Source Books.

Introducing Gemstone Dragonborn as a new Subrace for Dragonborn, from MCDM’s Strongholds & Followers, as well as an explanation of how the Gemstone Dragonborn came to be in this world...

A List of potential Group Patrons that Adventurers could work for, from the Silver Charge Mercenary Company to the Archmages of Capitol to the State Azures of Zokend...

Chapter 2-ish: Gazetteer of the World!

Nations of the Continent: An explanation of each of Nation, from the high elves of Capitol and Western Carthisia to the small western isle of Mocrait, from the great and ever-spanning Himmelblas Mountains to the mysterious southern Wolfwood and the Shadow Empire that lies buried beneath the world’s surface...

Explore Western Carthisia, Mocrait, the Himmelblas Mountains, the Wolfwood, Valdor, Laumador, Zokend, Unter & Vuul!

Distant Lands: Learn of the forgotten continent of Harac, and the sand-blasted deserts of Rassumurait...

Chapter 3-ish: Faiths of the World...

An explanation of the Core Pantheon, as well as a list of the outlawed gods...

A list and explanations of the many famous cults of the world, from the Cult of the Blue Wyrm King to a strange group calling themselves Mephistopheles...

Learn of new gods and powers within the world, from the Haracan Pantheon to the vast Pantheon of Rassumurati Gods, Lesser Gods and Divine Servants...

Chapter 3-ish: Capitol!

Life in Capitol: A commoner’s perspective on life within the Capitol.

Baron Casmong: A explanation of Baron Casmong and his seemingly endless wealth after his success...

The Archmages of Capitol: A look into the Archmages of Capitol, who they are, and how exactly magic works within the Capitol’s walls...

The Royalty of Capitol: An explanation of the royal drama within Capitol and of how King Randor the Second wishes for nothing more than a successor better than his daughter...

The Edhel Halls: An explanation of the Edhel Halls Library of Excellence, a library famous for being the birthplace of many spells and many famous mages that still roam the history books of today...

The War College: An explanation of the Capitol’s War College and their working into new War Magics...

Important Locations in Capitol: From King’s Street to The Goose & Gander all the way to Bilgrim’s Menagerie of Scrolls and Miscellaneous..

Chapter 4-ish: Building Adventures...

Plot Hooks for every Nation: From the Dullahan of Bluemite to the Ancient Dragon that sleeps beneath the Blackhorn Volcano, from the forgotten Noble of Capitol to missing Archmages, run your own (mis)adventures in the world!

Heroes of the Past: A Section dedicated to the Legendary Heroes throughout History! Some still alive today! Such as the mighty Quindan of Carthis Randor, now hand to the new King, or Shadowdancer Yang Black, now master of his own monastery..

Chapter 5-ish: Homebrew!

A Whole Lot of New Spells!: All new homebrew spells to use in your campaign! From False Sending to Swift Reading to powerful new magics like Mass Haste and Psychic Clap.

A Whole Lot of New Magic Items!: All new homebrew magic items from Arrows of the Bull to the Amulet of Weave-Seeing to the Backstabber Blade and the all now-famous Potion of Dragon Control...

A Whole Lot of NPCs!: Stat Blocks for Silver Charge Mercenaries to Mages of the War College and the Edhel Halls to Haracan Mystics, Red Dagger Assassins and even the Ghost of a Fire Giant King!

A Whole Lot of Monsters!: From the Treasure Golem that guards the Royal Vault of King Unter, to the fearsome Purple Worm Matron that nests deep within the Himmelblas Mountain Range, find a whole bunch of new monsters to throw at your Players!

A Whole Lot of Backgrounds!: Maybe your Character was a member of the Silver Charge? Or perhaps a famed Red Dagger Assassin for the Emperor? With a bunch of new campaign-specific backgrounds, you can create some pretty awesome characters...

What other stuff is it gonna have?

A Pronunciation Guide: Because words are hard sometimes...

A Calendar: A Calendar noting specific Holy Days, Rituals and Celestial Events...

Important Teleportation Circles: Circles to the War College, the Edhel Halls Archives, the Library of Saturnity and more...

Reincarnation Table: A whole new Reincarnation Table that now includes Races from Volo’s Guide to Monsters and Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes!

A Wild Magic Surge Table: A Variant Wild Magic Surge Table to add even more chaos to your games!

Name Lists: A List of Male, Female and Gender-Neutral Names for People from each and every Region...

Is this Ambitious as hell? Aw, Yeah!

Which is why having the community help out when they can is so great! From creating People, Places, Homebrew Content and More!

So, if you’re interested in helping create some content, or just wanna flex your D&D knowledge, shoot a message to @creativerogues and let me know!

What’s been written so far?

A heck of a lot, that’s what!

With over 10 new homebrew spells, 10 new magic items, 8 new backgrounds and a bunch of new homebrew monsters, the homebrew section is looking good.

My personal favorite part of the Player’s Guide as it is right now are the Distant Lands of Harac and Rassumurait, and writing them has been a blast!

And a HUGE (like, waaay huge!) credit to @bxrtimaeus on Tumblr for all the knowledge and lore on ancient Egypt that’s really helped build Rassumurait as a desert kingdom, and for being my personal “English to Ancient Egyptian” Translator! XD

Overall, even though the Draft isn’t even an 1/8th of the way written, it already totals almost ~30 Pages of just my DM World-building Notes, with some notes from Friends and other people that are much better writers than me...

Oh yeah, and big note: I’M NOT AN ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL WRITER!

I’M DOING THIS FOR THE GIGGLES!

How can I help?

Over the course of the next few weeks and months, I’ll be posting little snippets from the Player’s Guide as it’s being written, from New Spells that need testing to New Monsters, Backgrounds and NPCs that I want you’re help making!

You can also just literally message me directly at @creativerogues and ask! Any help is gonna be appreciated!

When do you expect to get this finished?

I have no figgin’ clue! :D

[signofwolf]

Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas – book review

Series: Throne of Glass #7 Genre: YA, Fantasy Theme: Fae, magic users, war Warnings: mentions of torture, imprisonment Star rating: 0,5/10

Why did I pick this up?: I wanted to end this horrible series once and for all.

[Heavy spoilers ahead]

To make myself clear, before this book I quite liked this series. It wouldn’t place in my top 100 books, not even close, but it was a pleasant pageturner to listen to in audiobooks when working.

Language

Let’s start slow. I lack the words to express how much I hate the words ‘male’, ‘female’ and ‘mate’ after this series. Not even gonna try to express my trauma. But these 3 gems aside, Sarah J. Maas needs a dictionary. Or compress her work to a manageable size. Everything sang, Everyone melted, Every man roared, Every woman trembled, Everyone was unleashing themselves at least once a chapter (number of chapters: 122) ). And now I know definitely too much about Yrene’s ‘womb’. I know so much…

Dynamism

I thought that was a book about a war with heavy action content. Oh boy, I was wrong. This 984-pages monstrosity has maybe 5 pages of action. If you squint.

Every sequence, where by design action should take place was followed by one of two scripts:

Few sentences of action and then a few pages long internal monologue. Often repeated with the same character after the next few sentences of action, or with the next character and then the next (sometimes the first character made a second appearance and then everything would go all over again). And the word ‘character’ used in these sentences is not because I’m rambling. This book is written that way!

Few sentences of action and then action stops, and we are graced by a few pages long conversation. In the middle of a battle. Or spying. Or in Erawan’s chambers, when his castle is going down, and he is running up the stairs...

Time

Leaving alone the fact that apparently all series took less than a year (till this book I estimated the plot for about 3 years, Wiki told me it was 2, but Maas knows best), because that is a can of worms in itself. Time in this one? I honestly have no idea. There were many ‘few weeks of travel’ parts with two main groups of POVs. Personally my only time indicator was ‘Orynth won’t fall till Aelin gets here’. But nothing just fit. And I saw Lost Song when in the last episode we as the audience realized that our two POVs parallel storylines are in reality millennia apart. Lost Song made sense.

Emotional loading

… there wasn’t any. Really, it was like reading a milk label. Every time the scene was potentially emotionally impactful, Maas went ahead to overexplaining EVERY. GOD. DAMMED. THING. And it was abso-fucking-lutely everything. ‘Emotional dilemma? Let’s current POV explain it! 2 pages should be enough… Damn maybe it wasn’t enough. I know! I’ll switch POVs and explain it through the other character!’ <= My impression of Maas’ thought process. I’m fairly sure that the record was 7 POVs explaining the same thing in the row, but I was blacking out a little, so I cannot be sure.

And if that wasn’t enough, this book had a second way to defuse tension: random-plastic-repetitive-badly_written-smut. Really badly written and really repetitive. How could you not feel the spicy bits, when Manon (cruel, self assured 100+years old witch-queen) reacts the same in bed as Elide (20years old, virgin, ex-slave). And the rest of them were the same, there weren’t ANY distinctions.Just copy-paste.

The next point in current case: Someone died, it was impactful, I really liked the character, so I got sad. But then 2 of our characters came out of the room with a body, and after a paragraph of grieving they started making out, and then I was regaled with 2-pages-long description of melting cores. That was the place then this book stopped being badly written, and started being distasteful.

Characters

Remember when I was writing about switching POVs (which is 15(!!!) In the whole book. Oh and an omniscient narrator in places when our current POV was grieving too much to overthink something, but Maas still wanted to inform us about something)? They were all savagely murdered in the worst way: character mutilation. Somewhere between books our maybe-not-that-original but colorful and interesting characters became carbon copies of each other. I have no idea how many times I didn’t realise there was a POV switch. The only indicator was a change of pronoun, or when Maas was telling us the name of a current narrator. These were the only ways. And if you can't distinguish if you are in Dorian’s head or in Manon’s, that is the sign of a really BAD writing.

Romance

…there wasn't any. In all this book there wasn't any naturally progressing romantic scene. There were Maas’ endgame pairings which were sexing or pinning. As the author Maas loves to write about soulmates. And it’s not a bad thing itself. When I want some fluffy story I often tag ‘soulmates’ in AO3 and voila, +10 to good mood. But God above, it is not cute when every pair you write about are ‘true mates’ just BECAUSE. It is the only way Maas sees a relationship, as a fated pairing, written in the wake of the universe by the God himself. There is no choice, nor the work to put in it. They are the author's OTP and that means that they are perfect and they should have children right now. Point in case:

Guy was treating a girl like a shit on his sole, including throwing her naked out of tent, on a snow, with their friends present, all the while abusing her verbally in a worst way. But it’s okay, because when she almost died he realised his mistakes and apologised. Two scenes later, he was forgiven, because... fated mates?

The pathos

I know that many people don't like this type of scenes, but it's not my case. I’m reading by picturing images and not repeating words. I like sequences that I can imagine to be grand and glorious, even if they are a little corny. That said, the pathos scenes were the most disappointing ones for me. Maas likes to write parts that are more picturesquely exalted than logically possible [point in case: meeting of 5 armies/forces in the random patch of sand in Empire of Storms, and it being painted as ‘an Aelin’s great plan’. I laughed myself silly at that. But not taking logic and all the plot holes into consideration that was a nicely looking scene. In Kingdom of Ash that wasn’t the case. I would say that the author wanted to paint us a renaissance painting every 20 pages or so. In my opinion, every time she failed miserably. Each and every of those scenes was or to farfetched to be even remotely realistic, and evidently written only for a sake of the picture, or just plainly stupid.

Example, and it’s so priceless a scene, that I just need to share it: Battle of Orynth, 25th day or so (time in this book doesn’t exist), the 13. sacrificed themselves (like thousands before them but hush). And then, time stops: grieving Manon is going through the city, they open the gates for her (yes, the siege is still on), she goes to the place where they died, after her come out all of our main heroes, and half the city itself with ‘flowers, rocks and precious possessions’ and they lay it there in a tribute to these brave (evil till 2 months ago) witches. I honestly can’t remember when was the last time I saw such an abstract scene. It’s a material for an essay in itself. No, I could not take it seriously.

Additionally, it's hard to make an impact as every damn sentence is grand and lofty. In the end it became truly pathetic, Aelin vs Maeve was unreadable.

Character deaths:

Let's make a quick count: main characters in a series at the start of KoA: 12 secondary characters in a series at the start of KoA: 20ish minor and total background: a lot more

Death count: main: 0 secondary: 3 minor: 2 (11 if we try very hard)

Resurrections: 1 (possibly 3, but not gonna analyze it)

Did you feel emotions of this impossible war against this all-encompassing, all-powerful, invincible, immortal, cunning Evil with armies from 3 continents and 2 worlds? No? Me neither.

Oh well, but there were a lot of deaths of ordinary soldiers. I’m quite certain that all of Terrasen’s army was at least twice brought back to life for them to die in these numbers.

Logic or lack thereof

Oh, and let’s not forget about the Deus ex machina army of unbeatable, magical elves on wolves, from legends, living for the past thousands of years in the unreachable lands of the north, because they managed to run from the surprise attack 10 years earlier. Did I mention that they came from portals, which the whole book was telling us were impossible to make in this scenario? After the previous saviour army was already fighting there for a day? And that Aelin didn’t know they would come for sure (how did she contact them again?)? Even though they were waiting in the full armours for these portals? Ah, and also: that army didn’t do anything. They just came and fought for maybe 4 minutes. And there were just so many things like that!

And if we’re on the topic of armies I present you: ‘My favourite absurd-list in the series: allied armies’.

(As a comparison, in A Song of Ice and Fire by J.R.R Martin, in 7 kingdoms of Westeros, at the peak of war there were 7 forces present, but not all were even engaged in a war.)

First the ones that made sense:

Armies of Terrasen’s Lords (counted as one, not gonna nitpick)

The Khaganate army (also counted as one)

Galan Ashryver’s armada

Whitethorn fraction

Rebel Ironteeth witches

…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’?

And there were some that did not:

Ansel of Briarcliff’s army

The Silent Assassins

Mycenians

Wild Men of the Fangs

Army of magical elves on wolves

And the ‘I don’t even know’ category:

Crochan witches

Overpowering and overreaching

Section title tells it all. The stakes were too high. I was honestly waiting for Aelin to become Super Saiyan and start to throw planets at Maeve and Erawan. I won’t spoil if this happened.

In my opinion it could be a really great series, if our list of villains ended with Arobynn and King of Adarlan, and the list of Aelin titles with an assassin and a princess. We could have had two main fight plots: one emotional with Arobynn, when Aelin would have to face a damage he had done to her, and overcome it. And the second one, with freeing Terrasen from Adarlan’s rule. That’s it. There was an asshole, power hungry king, who feared magic and wanted to rule the East part of a continent. A lot of plot, but not so much that we stopped to care, or didn’t have time to cover everything. We could really get to know what Terrasen and his people were like and not JUST GET TOLD that it was ‘the greatest place in the world’ every damn 20 pages.

Plus…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’? It's a REALLY valid question.

Climaxes

IIf I have to write a list of things that disappointed me in this book, this review would be thrice its current size, but one of the worst grievances I have is the complete lack of acknowledging the plotlines that had been started. This book series has overall 4 372 pages (not counting novellas) and 12 main characters (still not gonna address this). All of them had their storylines and arcs but if they weren't tied up in the previous instalments they wouldn’t be in this one. I get it, Maeve and Erawan got beaten (in an extremely unsatisfactory way) but they were only a background in this series' plots.

Aelin Well, Aelin was one of 3 people (+2 paragraf-long insertion from Nesryn and Chaol) who got their own POV’s after the battle (second was technically Rowan, who was ‘Aelin’s POV outside of Aelin’.The third Dorian, who got almost a full two pages). And from this we got that: she got crowned, Aedion got his bond and that Maas have no idea how the city looks after weeks of siege. In her case what angered me the most was ‘Terrasen is my home’ subplot. Only in this tome we read at least 3 times that Aelin will be okay with dying, if only she gets to see Terrasen one last time, or if she get to die on Terrassen soil. But you know what? Maas forgot to write the scene where Aelin actually ‘comes in’.

Mannon Didn't get her own POV after the battle, but here’s what we’ve got: She is going to the Wastes with Croachans and Ironteeth. Whait. What? Yes, that was the ending of this 500+ years of feud. They fought together and they decided to unite their two species, completely forgetting more than half a millenia of slaughter. I can only hope that there were at least some talks behind the scenes… NO! F*** NO! This isn’t how it works!

Rowan, Dorian, Chaol, Yrene, Lysandra, Aedion, Lorcan, Elide, Nesryn, Sartaq Lived happily ever after

Secondary minor and total background characters Survived (I acknowledge that they would be ignored in most books’ epilogues, but this abomination is almost 1000 pages of nothing!!).

Good Scenes

That saying, this book actually had 4 good scenes:

Crochan witches go to war - gathering-forces-to-fight trope, which is my *love-always trope* so I’m not even sure if it was relatively good, or if I’m just a slut for this trope. It was still only a paragraph long though.

[recurring] The children’s tale Aelin repeated to herself to remember who she is.

‘Lorcan Lochan’ - the only marginally funny scene in the whole book

I actually found Darrel making Evangeline his heir charming. Even if circumstances were far-fetched at least.

But the words crime of this book? It was agonisingly, mind-numbingly boring. If the overexplaining and repetitions were to be taken out I highly doubt that there would be 300 pages left.

For these 33 hours of audiobook I suffered through I give it half a star. Because Abraxos exist.

Please see my garishly accurate cover on my instagram! You can also like it there :D

instagram | goodreads

[theuniversitychallengereview]

UC 50.29 - Magdalene, Cam vs Warwick

I tweeted last week, at the height of the mania surrounding the Handforth Parish Council Meeting of Thursday December 10th 2020 (HPCMOT10D2020), that I was going to try and do this week’s review in the style of said meeting (if you haven’t seen the video, you’d be better off watching it than reading this, because it is possibly the purest nuggest of funny this side of the pandemic). 

Now, that may sound impossible - how does one write a review of a television quiz show in the style of a cantankerous parish council meeting - but you are talking to someone who has previously reviewed University Challenge in the style of the movie Tenet, and the book Ducks, Newburyport. Notwithstanding the relative success (or failure) of those endeavors, there is nothing to say that I cannot at least try to do this.

However, given that I failed to get my review out on Monday (a mere three days after the initial virality), and am instead writing it on the following Saturday (eight days after the event), it is quite possible that I have missed my moment. The meme-geist (and I have carefully considered my choice of invented word here. Given that zeit means time and geist means spirit, perhaps the more linguistically correct option would have been zeit-meme, but that doesn’t quite capture the geist of what I was going for, and is a less satisfactory portmanteau, which is where the real meaning is gleamed in English) moves quickly. 

And though I harbour hope that this meeting lives long in the cultural memory, so that years from now I can reference quotes from it in pleasant company, it will probably be lost within weeks, along with other such heroes of the Lockdown Internet as Lawyer Cat and Tiger King. 

Already we have seen the rise and fall of Jackie Weaver, the erstwhile main character of the video, who was interviewed on TV news channels all over the world, but who was later revealed to be a Tory Councillor, much to the chagrin of many of her most vociferous fans, who had proclaimed her a modern feminist icon for her no-nonsense approach to Aled’s iPad and the imposterous PC Handforth Clerk.

This volte-face from Mrs Weaver’s staunchest early supporters comes about as a direct result of the need people have for everything to mean something, and for all people to always be total good or total bad. Yes, there is a conversation to be had about men in a position of power and privilege treating women poorly and speaking over them as if they are not there. But when that conversation feels the need to place one party as angelic and the other demonic (no matter how clearly that appears to be the case) it leaves no space to examine the nuances involved in the way people live their lives (this may seem like a grand way of discussing what seems like a cut and dry case of a male superiority complex, but when, for Mrs Weaver’s actions to be commendable, she also needs to be ‘of sound character’ in every other sense, it leaves us all open to inconsistencies and illogical systems of thought), which is not something that we need to do for silly videos anyway.

In reality, it wasn’t that surprising that she turned out to be a Tory - she is a councillor after all, and a large proprotion of councillors are Conservative Party Councillors. That doesn’t mean she was wrong to kick those men out, but it is further evidence that there is nothing to be gained from painting people as heroes or villains - or at least there is nothing to be gained from acting like those paintings carry real world currency. You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself somewhat unsurprisingly outed as a member of the Conservative party...

Anyway, by now you’re probably thinking ‘when do we plan to start?’, and (~fUcK oFf~) I think we could start any moment. Though I will mention that if anyone if being disruptive, I will have to throw them out of the review, and if anyone has a point of order to raise they will have to wait until the episode starts.

This quarter-final was a qualification bout, between two sides who had already won one match at this stage, with Magdalene having beaten Birkbeck and Warwick taken down Imperial only last week. The winners would claim the first semi-final spot, while the losers would have to play again to make it through.

The first question of the evening was ‘what is the difference between a Clerk and a Proper Officer?’, which Magdalene’s Davies correctly identified as a trick question - there is no difference between a Clerk and a Proper Officer. At this point the recording had to be stopped to settle a dispute, as someone pretending to be the Warwick captain believed this not to be the case, and claimed that Paxman was breaking the law by accepting the answer. 

This imposter suggested angrily that Paxman should read the standing orders, and another of his sidekicks yelled out that he should not only read the standing orders but understand them also. These gentlemen went onto claim that the quarter-final was being staged illegally, but this was not the case, and Paxman was forced to remove the false captain from the recording, though they claimed that he did not have the authority to do this (you have no authority Jeremy Paxman! No authority at all). But he did have the authority, and the false captain was removed from the meeting.

This did not initially aid the smooth continuation of proceedings however, as there remained some troublemakers in the audience, who started speaking in tongues and who loudly proclaimed to someone off screen that they were ‘trying to record an episode of University Challenge, you fool’ on not one but two occasions, before trying to assert that in the absence of the false captain it was they who should take charge.

Members of the Magdalene team then raised the question of how it was that the false Warwick captain had come to be known by that moniker. Paxman informed everyone that he had simply declared himself to be the new captain, and that he, Paxman, could also, in a similar fashion, declare himself to be Britney Spears, which solicited giggles from all those in attendance. 

With these issues dealt with, the match could be continued, and Warwick, this time under the rightful and competent leadership of Andrew Rout, raced off into a hundred point lead. Magdalene looked a little stunned by all of the earlier excitement and stuggled to get into the game in the first half. 

They had a brief resurgence when Paxman asked if anyone would object to the banished troublemakers being readmitted. Naturally Magdalene felt strongly about this and buzzed in with the correct answer - no. Two more starter questions followed, and they closed the gap to forty five. 

Rout stopped the Warwick rot with the picture starter (on dressmakers) - an inspired guess of Mary Quant. In his previous episode he had guessed Mary Quant incorrectly, so he was delighted, and amused, that this time he had been right. Another brilliant guess of Versace gave them a bonus as well, but their luck ran out with Coco Chanel, who was dead by the time the next dress had been designed.

Another starter, this time from Braid, put Warwick out of reach going into the final few minutes. A quick run of back-to-back starters, with near perfect bonusing, wasn’t enough for Magdalene, who ended the match forty points adrift.

Final Score: Magdalene 160 - 200 Warwick

Jackie Weaver 1 - 0 Handforth PC Clerk

Phew! What an episode/meeting that was. Congratulations to Warwick on their win and to Jackie Weaver for keeping order. I don’t have much else to say other than to reiterate the advice from earlier than all standing orders should be both read and understood.