#there's no reason her role as a rich guy's daughter means she's a world class spy

[juminsmysticmc]

Hi, this is me (again)! If you have time and motivation can you please write something in High school AU (i just love it so much). Maybe something with MC who is told by her mother that as a girl she doesn't have to be smart she just have to be beautiful, she shouldn't have her own opinion and should only find herself someone who will take care of her and rfa + minor duo heard that? But remember that your well-being is the most important and it's ok to take a break! We love you!

High School AU where the RFA overhears Mc‘s Mom saying to her that she doesn’t have to be intelligent but beautiful

Hey my love, thank you for sending in a Request! Just like the last Requests I will leave out the Minor Duo due to the busy time. However I will write it again if you want to, yes? Hope you like it, please give me your opinion!

Jumin

,,Sometimes I wonder how parents raise their daughters,’’ Jumin mumbled as he walked down the hallway with his best friend Jihyun.

Jihyun laughed at his friend’s words.

,,I mean, I’m not wrong, am I?’’ Jumin asked.

,,Today in music class, a girl chuckled and thought she was cute. The teacher wanted to know if she knew something about Beethoven and she simply looked at me and said, ,,Jumin-oppa, I don’t know, can you say it?’’, it was so disgusting!’’

,,Well, I think she just has a crush on you,’’ Jihyun laughed.

,,No, she doesn’t,’’ he corrected.

,,She just wants my money,’’ he said and with that they finally changed their shoes and went out, ready to go home.

Neither Jumin’s or Jihyun’s driver was there. Instead, a girl with her mother stood there.

,,No one cares about your good mark you got in math. The world doesn’t need a doctor like you! All you have to do is to find a rich man and do what he wants! Just listen to him and be pretty for him so that he always will love you. Everything else is not important,’’ the mother told the girl who was looking down.

,,See, I told you,’’ Jumin said, shaking his head.

However, at the second look he noticed that the girl who was looking down was you, the one who was always a bit better than him at school.

,,What your mother said is completely wrong,’’ Jumin said loudly.

,,Keep studying. An intelligent wife is more exciting than a dumb chicken like everyone else,’’ he said and with that Jumin finally saw his driver and dissappeared.

The next day, you saw him again.

,,Thank you,’’ you said.

,,You showed me that my feelings are important too. I will fight for my way thanks to you,’’ you smiled and walked off, making Jumin blush and keep up with you…

Zen

You and Zen were very good friends.To be honest, one of you just had to say something about a relationship and you guys would finally become a couple.

,,Okay, Hyun, my mom is here, so tomorrow at my house?’’ you asked him.

Both of you planned on studying together to start your dream of being in entertainment.

You wanted to become your boyfriend’s manager.

And of course, even though your prince was intelligent, you were the most intelligent of the two of you.

A few hours later, Zen did as he was told. The young boy already met your parents.

They were kind, much kinder than his mother. He saw your parents as second parents even through you often told him that your mom was manipulative and mean.

Zen rang at the doorbell. The loud sound was heard and a few seconds later an older woman opened the door with a smile on her lips.

,,Hyun! My favorite son-in-law!“ she joked and pulled him in, hugging him.

,,How are you? Wait, you’re here for Mc, right?“ with that she called you, her daughter, who a bit later stepped down the staircase.

You had your hair up in a messy bun, the one Zen loved so much.

You were wearing other clothes than the one you had today at school. It looked much more comfortable.

You and Zen could feel your mother tense up as you walked down.

However, you ignored her and went up, giving Zen a kiss and making him sit down.

And then you began to study, which ended with you both arguing about this one question.

,,You have to subtract this from here and add it on this side,’’ you explained.

,,No! Why are you doing it like that?!’’ Zen asked you back.

,,Gosh, Zen! Just do it your way and I will do it my way and later on we can check!’’ you told him, a bit annoyed by now.

Suddenly, your mom came in with a few snacks.

,,How do you dare?’’ she asked.

At first Zen thought that she meant him, but apparently she meant her own daughter…

,,First, you open the door like that! You look really bad! Totally messy! And then you also argue?! Don’t act as if you’re intelligent. Just do what he says and accept that! You don’t even know how to study! Just be an obedient wife!’’ your mom hissed.

At some point, Zen jumped up and grabbed your hand, storming out with you ,,I finally understand what you mean,’’ he told you before he comforted you.

Yoosung

You could almost say that Yoosung was kind of a stalker; he always followed you around, observed you, and dreamed about you, the girl of his dreams.

You were the most beautiful girl at his school, as well as the most intelligent and kind human being.

He never saw someone smile that bright, laugh that happily, or think that hard.

The young man was totally different and for you, he wanted to change.

One day, it was a cold afternoon and Yoosung could feel that it could begin to rain. He wanted to ask you if you were interested in going home with him.

And after a lot of hesitation, the boy finally approached you.

However, he was about to go again when he saw that you were talking to someone.

Yoosung didn’t mean to overhear you guys but he heard.

And his heart was crushed at the words you had to listen to.

,,I already told you that you won’t go to that school, Mc! Your studies may be good, but you should learn how to make kimchi and be a good wife! Just find someone who will take care of you and your family and both of you will be much happier,’’ the woman said.

,,I am your mother and  I know what you need,’’ she nodded and opened the door.

,,However,’’ you began ,,I don’t want to live like that! I am me!’’ you said, louder, trying to fight her. However, no one helped and the situation ended with you staying back while she drove off.

Even though Yoosung said that eavesdropping shouldn't be said out loud, he did as soon as he heard you sob.

,,What she said isn’t true,’’ he called.

,,I, for example, like independent people,’’ he said and was about to go away when you suddenly pulled him back.

,,Help me, please,’’ you begged him, your red puffy eyes on him while your trembling hand tried to stop him from leaving you.

Yoosung hugged you and padded your back.

,,I will help you. I will be here for you,’’ he assured you.

And so your long journey began...

Jaehee

You and the brown haired girl were best friends.

Well, deep in your heart you knew that you may have felt a bit more than that, but this was a completely different topic.

You and Jaehee did everything together.

You two went shopping together, went to school together, and hung out together.

You and Jaehee often wore matching outfits and ate the same lunch.

Jaehee’s house was almost yours too because you stayed there so many times. 

But Jaehee never really visited yours, after all these years, she couldn’t remember what your kitchen looked like, how your house smelled, and what color your walls were.

And the reason was that your mother was a quite strict one with everything else, but an open mind.

One day, it was the day of the school’s drama production. You played a big role in it because you were the one who scripted everything and helped the teacher a lot.

Jaehee never saw such an intelligent person.

Such a kind person.

And she never saw such a bad mother like yours.

Actually, it was kind of her fault, Jaehee thought.

Your mother approached her and asked her where you were staying.

And without thinking about it, Jaehee told her that you were behind the scenes.

Your mother walked there on her red high heels, the dress way too short for a theatre at a school, and her perfume almost too strong for her.

Jaehee could feel a headache coming up as she smelled the strong aromatic smell on her.

Without thinking about what she would see, Jaehee followed your mother, curious why she would search for you.

In that very minute, your mother observed how you were arguing with a boy. The older boy one class above you who actually had a crush on you, or so it was said.

And from the frozen expression on your mother’s face, Jaehee could tell that she wasn’t okay with the way you were talking to him.

,,ARE YOU CRAZY?!’’ she asked you, making Jaehee twitch at her sudden yell.

Apparently you felt the same.

,,I told you tons of times to shut your mouth!’’ she hissed.

,,The young boy was talking to you! You should have nodded and agreed with him! Don’t tell him to do it better or different! How did I raise you?!’’ she asked you.

From afar, Jaehee could see that your eyes were watery.

,,I only want the best for you, but what can I do if you ignore me? You should simply be obedient and make sure that you find someone who will just take care of you! 

Get out of these dirty clothes and apologize to him! Maybe he will show mercy!’’ she said, standing on her right leg and pulling the white Gucci bag on her shoulder again.

,,No need,’’ Jaehee finally dared to say something.

,,I will take care of Mc and then she won’t need to change,’’ Jaehee said.

,,Don’t worry, I will treat her better than you,’’ she scoffed.

Saeyoung

,,You are such a tomboy!’’ Saeyoung teased you and let you run off before Saeran could find you for taking his idea of making the garden more beautiful.

He never saw a girl like you at the school he was visiting thanks to a friend of his and his fiance.

The catholic school only accepted intelligent students or students with money, but he never expected you to be there. You were a little tomboy that was super intelligent and kind of rich.

Usually the rich people there were just dumb.

,,He got her,’’ Saeyoung laughed as you stopped.

He guessed that his twin brother found her from the other side, but he was so wrong.

Approaching you to make him calm down, he suddenly realized that the high, annoyed voice wasn’t his brother, but instead, a woman’s voice.

,,Again, you look like garbage,’’ the woman said.

,,Didn’t I tell you to look like a lady like everyone else and just try to find a good person who will take care of you? Instead, what are you doing? Walking off like that in dirty clothing,’’

Saeyoung could hear that the person you were talking to was annoyed.

,,Mom,’’ you tried, making the red haired boy even more curious.

,,No, mom, you will embarrass me.

Now, please go and put something else on and try to make someone like you in class.

Like I said, studying isn’t the most important thing as long as you have a person who will give you money and a house.

Look at me, I also didn’t study a lot, but your father came to like me.

My tights helped me to have you,-’’

,,The only reason why he didn’t leave yet,’’ Saeyoung said from behind, approaching the both of you.

His uniform was dirty from the place he stayed hidden and his hair was just as messy as yours.

,,I beg you for pardon?!’’ your mother asked you and began to play with her nails on the purse.

,,I said that her father didn’t leave you yet to make sure that Mc isn’t alone with you, a manipulative old hag.

Besides he is sleeping with your friend daily by now,’’ Saeyoung said, laughing and trying to pull you away with him.

,,How dare you-’’

Saeyoung laughed. ,,What? Make you realized that there won't’ be a man forever who will just like you for being obedient like a dog?’’

With that, he pulled you along with him until he reached Rikas place with a sobbing you holding his hand.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

19.03.2021// 22:05 MEST

[stvpidinlove]

[ OLIVIA HOLT, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ REGAN MORGAN ]  is a child of  [ MORPHEUS ]  with the power of  [ PRECOGNITIVE DREAMING ] .  they were born in  [ 1995 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2019 ] .  with the change, they  [ ARE TRAINING IN ]  the  [ AMBASSADOR ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ SCROLLING HER CURSED TIKTOK FYP & CONFUSING HER FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ MOON ]  building .

tl;dr she’s a deranged menace to society

BASICS

hometown: milford, pennsylvania

eye color: brown

hair color:  blonde

height: 5′3

sexuality: bisexual

birthday: january 19, 1995 ( capricorn )

BIO

regan’s mother was never the type to settle down. before meeting morpheus, her longest relationship had been three months. so when the guy seemed commitment-phobic, that was perfect for her. until, of course, she found out she was pregnant. she didn’t want to get married but she was at an age where the idea of motherhood...didn’t repulse her. so she wanted to keep the baby, at which point the father of her child didn’t get down on one knee, he started to explain the kinds of responsibilities she’d face as the mother of his child.

having the child of a god in her womb inflated her ego, which was pretty impressive considering how big it already was. see, regan’s mother was a southern belle without any of the class or manners. she’d breezed through the pageant circuit as a teen, winning a number of titles with minimal effort. her talent was essentially crying on demand and looking pretty while doing it. knowing she’d slept with a god, like an honest to...god felt sort of fitting. like, duh, who else would she have her first child with?

this also led to a brief but intense fixation with shakespeare, who name dropped gods like it was his job, which led to her choosing the name regan from king lear.

she moved to pennsylvania with regan when her daughter was only four years old, because some guy practically begged her to let him take care of her, and she had nowhere better to go. until, eventually, she did, thanks to the world of avon. her mother started selling out of boredom but then it turned out she was good at it, so good that she could easily buy a place once she got bored of her rich boyfriend, and move out with regan.

thankfully, her mother got out of the pyramid scheme before she got in too deep. she was hired by an actual, reputable cosmetics company and given a desk job to work in sales, which she was still a natural at. because she had a full time job now, regan spent a lot of time with nannies...and that’s nannies plural because regan was one of those kids who drove her caretakers to quit on a regular basis.

but not because she was a handful. she was pretty self-sufficient, actually, and totally well-behaved, she was just kind of...weird. she’d leave her room for dinner with all of her clothes suddenly on backwards and say nothing as if it was normal and act confused when her nanny asked about it. she’d stare at the tv when it was off, she’d spend one day only speaking in whispers, she’d write vaguely threatening messages on the mirror with her mother’s red lipstick.

all of this was because regan knew it was scary to adults, which made it fun for her. she wasn’t, like, actually disturbed. well, aside from the dreams she had sometimes. she’d have a dream about a baby bird falling from a nest, she’d watch its chest move for minutes before it died, then she’d wake up the next day and find a dead bird outside the sliding glass doors to the backyard.

for a while she thought they were coincidences. then she thought she was making things happen in her sleep, and that it was her job to stop bad things from happening, to save every baby bird that asked for help in her dreams. it took her a few years to accept that just because she sometimes saw the future didn’t mean she had any power to change it. she was warned so she could prepare herself, which only made her feel more powerless.

but being regan, she chose to cope with this aspect of her life with avoidance and humor. she doesn’t want to pick and choose what she worries about and what she doesn’t, so she decided a long time ago not to take anything seriously.

for reasons unknown, regan’s mother actually decided to have another child after regan. but she was unconventional, too, hence regan being...the way she is, so she never actually married the father of regan’s half-brother, but they have been together for the past 15 years, so.

her brother is eleven years younger than she is, so in regan’s mind, a baby. whenever left with the task of babysitting him while the two were growing up, it would be regan who suggested ice cream for breakfast and sock sliding around the living room at dangerous speeds.

RANDOM FACTS

i want to v*mit saying this but.....she’s kind of like........the female version of stevesuptic. except for she’s cute <3

her entire twitch account is kind of satirical, like it’s very hard to gauge what her actual personality is. i don’t think her viewers bully her the way they bully steve bc she would bully them back LMAO but they ask her a lot of random ass super weird sometimes borderline disturbing questions and she answers them like it’s normal

she def has weird/creepy drawings whenever playing gartic phone tho /:

ig you could say her channel is like shit posting but make it a streamer. she has a really nice set up and she always looks made up in her streams but then the content is her playing like a cat dating sim for four hours

she’s actually pretty shit at most games that require any level of skill and her following comes entirely from her personality and her Brand ig, she’s just entertaining to watch bc she says and does the most ??? things. like she’s not a gamer girl and doesn’t say she is she just has a twitch and plays games for the attention

also she has a cat named muffintop (best part of the muffin, not the offensive term for a woman’s stomach, though she will say that’s what it means if someone asks) who she regularly posts memes of and like most of her twitch emotes are her cat. you can find examples on her pinterest board lmao

i think it’s pretty hard to get an actual vision out of regan? she mostly keeps those to herself and just lies about her dreams. she’ll just be like, “yeah actually i had a dream you were gonna choke on some oatmeal so stay safe out there.” she’s also only partially sure when a dream is actually about the future.

her like <3 symbol that represents her is butterflies, she has a ton of butterfly shit

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

idk if i am requesting a roommate for once, idk if i wanna subject anyone to that

someone naive who believes her any time she says something is Going To Happen, no matter how stupid it is and no matter how many times things simply do not happen??

a bestie because...............................i just feel like she wormed her way into someone’s inner circle and they’re just stuck with her now

[vln-vibes]

The Raven and the Robin

Yeah so I’d like to blame certain parties such as @ladyanput @virgil-is-a-cutie For getting me back into Ever After High Hell.

Summary: Raven King was tired of everyone comparing her to her mother instead of seeing her for herself, its why she opted for castle schooling instead. Unfortunately it was the year of Legacy Day so she couldn’t make anymore excuses. Besides Evil Queen wasn’t her role; her family knew she was going to be the Good King but well... the Evil Queen wasn’t available. They didn’t know what happened to the King-Queens and preferably no one outside of their circle of trust would find out.

It was the year of Legacy Day…. Then again Legacy Day was done almost 15-20 years after one, depending on how long those fairy tales had taken to have children.

You know Raven didn’t need to think of the logistics of this already stupid thing.

She never liked the fact that everyone expected her to be just like her mother, the Evil Queen of the previous generation who’d gone rouge and nearly destroyed Wonderland, Mara Queen. People tended to forget that she disowned her mother; after everything she did to her, to the kingdom, to Wonderland, to everyone… to her family. Raven didn’t like thinking of the Evil Queen, having long since distanced herself from the stern but loving Mara Queen, as her mother, ever since Prince had been turned into a rat and Robin had….

“Would you two stop fighting?! Peas and crackers!” Maddie’s outburst had interrupted Raven’s spiral, her Wonderlandian friend just as mad as she usually was. Well her father was The Mad Hatter.

“Um, who are you talking to?”

“Why, the narrators! Oh, you can't hear them, Raven, only I can.” Of course there were narrators, Raven gave a small fond smile at her friend before sighing.

“It's just... Ah! I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so "evil," because my mom was. It's not fair! They don’t even know the real me! They don’t even remember the fact that I was raised by the Good King” the next thing she knew her outburst of emotion caused all their things to levitate before quickly dropping. “Ah curses, not again”

“No one thinks you're evil. Hehe, now you're just talking crazy! La-la-la!”

“Daughter of the Mad Hatter calls ME crazy?”

“Would you stop with the worry-flurry? Besides, your new do is completely you! No one will tell which Tale you belong to” Raven had been worrying about the whole thing ever since she knew she’d have to enroll at Ever After High though her father had been able to pull some strings and get her excused during her first year, unfortunately Legacy Day prevented her from doing so again. As the duo walked up the stairs, Raven noticed the stares but they quickly brushed over her and focused on Maddie’s Wonderland madness.

Raven was relieved, she never met many other fairy tale characters outside of those who resided in her kingdom or family friends such as Cerise Hood, Ramona Badwolf or Hunter Huntsman. Raven hadn’t expected a visit from Madeline “Maddie” Hatter out of the blue, the girl just stating that the place was in need of a good tea party. She hadn’t left her side ever since.

Raven had long wavy ebony black hair with royal blue highlights in an upsweep, a silver circlet with a ruby in the middle framing her hair. She wore a black corset top with a sweetheart neckline, a white pencil skirt with a carmine red tail that reached her knees to it and a black leather jacket with carmine accents tying her outfit together

She didn’t fit the look people had for the daughter of the Evil Queen.

“See? They don’t even realize who you are!” Maddie cheered before a chime familiar to them both rang. “Yay, tea time! Earl Grey,” the little mouse squealed from atop of her cup hat and brought out the teapot “oh, you clever dormouse! Why, yes, this is a new dress.”

Raven just let herself get carried by the madness and took a seat next to her best friend forever after.

The first half of the first day of school had been… interesting. Her classes were pretty broad but Raven didn’t know what to think of them; Science and Sorcery, Castle Design, Grimmnastics and Muse-ic Class had been fun so far but it was tiring always being on alert to make sure no one learned of her last name.

Lunch was honestly a take of fresh air as she’d be able to hang out with her friends, Maddie, Cerise and Hunter.

Then an unexpected visitor came.

“Hey, uh Raven! Right?” Raven took a good look at the guy in front of her light skin, brown hair with a cowlick and deep rich blue eyes; though it was a shame that his glasses blocked out most of their beauty.

“Y-Yeah. You’re in my Science and Sorcery Class, right?” Raven wanted the Earth to swallow her as she found herself alone with a cute boy as she waited for her friends to finally come to the table.

”Uh-You look gort... I mean great. I-I don't even know what gort is…”

“Well, I'd offer you a seat, but we don’t exactly know each other. To sit here you'd have to be pretty—”

Suddenly screams and squeals could be heard from the castleteria entrance, mostly from the girls, and flashing lights from the center of the group.

“Daring”

“What? No, Raven, I'm Dex, Dexter Charming! Daring's my bro…” while the two had gone back to their conversation neither realized the epicenter of the screams had come to their direction until Dexter felt a familiar heavy pat to the back “ther. Oh, gort.”

“Why, Once upon a hi! I’ve never seen you around here, are you a new student?” Raven had to resist the urge of rolling her eyes, not wanting to make a bad impression, as she could only guess who was behind her.

“Yep. You’re Apple White, daughter of Snow White, and Daring Charming, son of King Charming” Raven stated though Apple and Daring seemed to flourish at the recognition.

“I-uh I have to warn you: don't stare at the teeth. Just got them whitened” oh, so that's where the lights came from.

“You are royally correct! Who might you be?” Apple preened as Raven covered her eyes from Daring’s smile.

“I’m… Raven” the expecting looks from the trio annoyed Raven but she might as well get them over with “Raven King”

“Oh my good fairy! You must be another Royal” Apple cheered until they heard coughing from behind, Raven sighing in relief as she saw her friends.

“Sorry but you’re kinda in our way” Hunter shrugged, waiting for Apple and Daring to move before Cerise rolled her eyes and pushed past them to take her seat.

“Well then I think it's time for us to go to lunch boys! Spell you later, Raven” Apple practically commanded the two Charming boys to accompany her to the Royal table, though Dexter shot Raven a shy wave.

“Well I guess that was a nice first time meeting my niece” Raven joked as they finally began eating their food.

“She sure is something alright” Cerise rolled her eyes before beginning on her large steak.

“For what is she without her people and crown? To which do not approve of Wonderland do” Maddie added along, taking out another cup from her hat.

“She used to be a lot more chill at the beginning of last year” the hooded girl explained, cleaning up from her meaty meal with a dainty napkin “But she started getting fidgety when there was no EQ in the student body. That’s when she really started firing up the whole Royals v Rebels and following your destiny thing”

“Right. So what are Royals?”

“I thought we went over this,” Hunter whispered before explaining “It's everyone who wants to sign their Destiny on the Storybook of Legends and follow their stories. We’re Rebels, the ones who’d rather find their own way in life, though we’re probably going to sign too”

Raven woke up the next day to Maddie’s breakfast tea time alarm chiming; she really wasn’t looking forward to rehearsal today. She didn’t know her well but Apple White was certainly overbearing; Kingdom Management was practically overtaken by Apple hogging the spotlight and not letting anyone else speak. The only good thing out of it was that she was able to talk to the Charming twins; Dexter and Darling.

“So, when your magical key appears, you insert it gently into the Storybook of Legends, then stand, shoulders back, and declare your destiny to the world! Have I made myself clear?” Headmaster Grimm, descendant of the original Grimm Brothers, spoke to the student body.

“Headmaster Grimm, but what if…” Raven knew she couldn’t, wouldn’t, sign the book unless Robin was around, her decision would alter his and she couldn’t just𑁋

“No questions? Good. Now, we're going to practice with this tiny Manual of Entirely Reasonable School Rules. Who will go first?”

Raven waited nervously as each one of the students scheduled for Legacy Day passed up to the podium; Briar Beauty, Rosabella Beauty, Jillian Beanstalk, Daring, Dexter and Darling Charming, Kitty Cheshire, Hopper Croackington II, Humphrey Dumpty, Ashlynn Ella, Farrah Goodfairy, Maddie, Lizzie Hearts, Cerise, Sparrow Hood, Hunter 𑁋

“Raven… King”

Raven could feel the stare of Headmaster Grimm as she walked up to the podium.

“I'm Raven King and I pledge to follow my destiny as... um... I have a question!”

“What is it?” Raven could tell that she was getting on the Headmaster’s nerves and knew that her next question would definitely cause a ruckus but…

“I was just wondering, I mean, what if I don't want to take the pledge?”

Raven definitely had to have seen all the gasps and screams of horror coming. Grimm stomping up to her and facing her head on though was probably the more uncomfortable part.

“Here's your answer. If you don't pledge your destiny, your story ceases to exist.”

“Ceases to exist? So then... What happens to me?”

“You will cease to exist! Poof! Now, Raven, continue.” Raven could tell that the conversation was over, it reminded her of how she’d talk. She also knew that her next words would cause even more of an issue.

“I… I am Raven King, daughter of the Good King and I𑁋”

“You’re daughter of the Good King! That means- That means you’re my Evil Queen!” Apple squealed in delight, running up the steps and giving Raven the biggest hug she could. More gasps could be heard, even someone fainting, as Apple just began to ramble more and more on how hexallent it was that Raven finally revealed herself, how they’d be roomates to get to know each other and how she couldn’t wait to be poisoned and get her happily ever after just like their mothers.

“Do not compare me to that woman” Raven shook Apple off of her, she could feel her cerulean eyes glow and her hair float.

“I gotta go”

“But the rules are... The rules!”

“Destiny!”

Raven ignored all the yells and just made her way into the Enchanted Forest. She finally settled onto a log, watching on a tree as two black birds circled around their nest before one of them began to chirp at a bush underneath.

It was an injured bird. No. It was a dead bird.

Raven couldn’t help but cry.

“The Raven flies. The clouds, they sing! The Robin sleeps, with a broken wing. The Apple falls not far from the tree. But what should happen when the tide rolls in?”

AO3 Ko-Fi

[ghost-in-the-hella]

(2/2) which might have played a huge role in Max’s anxiousness (maybe it was even a reason she stopped talking to Chloe for those 5 years?) Maybe I’m reading too much into it I don’t know…But what I’m saying is I would love some headcanons on Max’s relationship with her parents, maybe some discussion on the shitty vibe they give off just from the limited glimpses we have of them in-game! Thank you for all your amazing content!!

Okay, yes, headcanons on Max’s parents. A lot of folks write fics where the Caulfields are super nice and great parents, which is sweet and I’m not at all against it (queer characters with supportive and loving parents? yes, please!), but based on my own scrutiny of what little we see of these characters, I just can’t headcanon them as nice people myself.

So, I’ve spent an excessive and possibly embarrassing amount of time researching the world of LiS for my fics: taking notes during playthroughs, reading through scripts, combing through Max’s journal/diary entries, poring over all the SMS messages, watching other folks’ playthroughs, etc. And from all of this research (let’s call it that because it makes it sound academic instead of obsessive), I’ve gathered that Ryan and Vanessa are... kinda dicks.

Detailed analysis and headcanons under the cut, because this is gonna be a long one.

TLDR: My sense is that Max’s parents love Max very much and are very supportive of her… as long as she’s quiet and obedient and behaves in the ways they expect her to behave. Which does not include her being queer and especially doesn’t include her being queer for Chloe.

---

Some folks disavow BtS (I am very much not of this camp), so for the moment lets put aside the brief glimpse we get of them in the Farewell episode. Based on the SMS messages they exchange with Max in LiS1, they give every appearance of being controlling AF. Vanessa isn’t too, too bad: mostly she’s just sort of clingy and keeps trying to convince Max to come back to Seattle. Ryan, though… Ryan’s kind of the worst. I won’t dig into every little detail, but to me the worst is that when he gets a message from a blocked number warning him that his “nosy daughter better stop watching others and look out for herself,” his concern isn’t about his daughter being threatened but just that he doesn’t like having strangers have his phone number. Like… what?

And if you, like me, take BtS as canon, then… What can I even say? Pulling Max away from William’s funeral, not even apparently saying goodbye to Joyce and Chloe or giving Max a real opportunity to do so, just… WTF. WTF. WTF.

Okay. So moving on from that into my actual headcanons… My major headcanon is that her parents are a big part of why Max fell out of touch with Chloe after she moved.

Based again on their SMS exchanges, it sounds like the Caulfields are maybe not rich, but are better off than the Prices. And based on the way Max describes hanging out with Chloe in Farewell, it sounds like the two of them spend most of their playtime at the Prices’, not the Caulfields’. Based on all of this, I get the feeling that the Caulfields aren’t too keen on the Prices and probably Chloe in particular. She’s potentially in a lower class than they are (which obviously shouldn’t matter, but if they’re snobs...), and she’s certainly more rambunctious and free-spirited than Max. She brings out Max’s more reckless side. I picture the Caulfield household as being one where running around and making a lot of mess and noise is strongly discouraged. They love that their daughter is generally quiet and obedient and aren’t too keen on the aspects of Max that Chloe brings out. It’s probably a relief for them to get Max away from her when they move, and they probably don’t encourage Max to swallow her anxieties and self doubts around this and communicate with her friend in her time of need.

The other part of it, which is based more on personal theories about what could have caused Max to lose touch with Chloe and less on interpreting actual canonical details from the games, is that Max’s parents aren’t too cool with the whole LGBT thing. I picture them being surface-level liberal: of course they’re totally fine with gay people! ...as long as their daughter isn’t dating one.

My suspicion is that Max internalized a lot of biphobia (I do headcanon Max being bi) from overhearing her parents being concerned about her more-intense-than-they’re-comfortable-with friendship with Chloe. By the time she knew they were going to move, she was probably aware enough of her developing crush on her best friend and her parents’ discomfort with it to internalize that discomfort and make it her own. As much as she cared for Chloe and didn’t want to leave her… it was probably a bit of a relief. Because she’s scared of what her feelings for Chloe mean about her, and getting away from Chloe means that she can be “straight” and “normal” like her parents want and keep making her parents happy. (If you haven’t gotten to it yet, I dug into this headcanon a fair bit in my fic Set to Break)

So why does Max seem totally fine with her crush on Chloe rekindling when she’s 18 and back in Arcadia Bay if she was angsting out over it to the point of letting their friendship completely fall apart? Well, for a start, it’s been five years. That’s long enough to start processing your queer feelings and make peace with them but also enough time that their friendship could have fallen apart before Max came around to being okay with herself. By the time she was okay with being bi, too much time had already passed for texting Chloe out of the blue to seem a reasonable thing for her anxiety brain to let her do. Also, she’s been living in Seattle. I did a little research on Seattle when I started writing LiS fic, and Seattle has one of the largest LGBT populations in the US. So even if her parents aren’t super great about the queer thing, Max has been exposed to plenty of LGBT folks over the years and that has countered the biphobia that her parents instilled in her.

Not that anybody was asking, but I also headcanon Fernando and Kristen as being members of her high school’s GSA and being a big part of what made Max more okay with her being bi. I headcanon that Max was able to attend GSA meetings under the guise of “supporting her friends.” Also, I haven’t gotten around to writing my Seattle-based fics yet, but I’m going to go on record here that I headcanon Fernando being a trans guy. Because there are zero reasons for him not to be.

Thank you for the question! So now when I’m relentlessly tearing into the Caulfields, people will know why. Cheers.

[ymnfilter]

Let Me Take You In My Arms (You Can Cry Cry) [Klaine AU]

On ao3

Pt.2 Of Expensive Klaine

Summary: 

Glee Alternate Universe in which Elizabeth and Burt separated instead of Kurt's mother dying. Elizabeth's side of the family is crazy rich and she got Kurt's custody so he's also been raised in Luxury. Kurt is enrolled at Dalton when he reaches high school, where he meets and falls in love with Blaine Anderson whose family is equally rich and influential. This is going to be an entire series of Klaine just being expensive, but for now:

Burt Hummel and Elizabeth Alarie get a divorce, Nanna Alarie takes baby Kurt with her to France. Andersons find out their son is gay. Kurt and Blaine meet in middle school at Westerville and start to become each other's everything.

When Cooper Anderson was born to Devon and Pamela Anderson, they were ecstatic. Finally, they had an heir. Someone who would take over after Devon and become the next CEO and face of ANDRSN Publications, a fashion and lifestyle magazine that had been started by Devon’s great grandmother and was now one of America’s biggest names. Devon himself knew little about fashion, nor did he have any interest in learning about it. No, unlike Vogue or Elle or other magazines in the industry, ANDRSN didn’t have a fashion line of their own, instead giving big names in the industry like Marc Jacobs or Valentino or Alarie a chance to show off their collections in their magazines.

Cooper was difficult though. He preferred sneaking out to the dollar theater over finishing his school homework, he preferred dating and sleeping around with girls over after school clubs, he preferred fast cars and black cards over responsibility and common sense. By the time he was eighteen, neither Devon or his wife were surprised to find him gone one day after graduation, with only a single note that said,

I wanna act. Say bye to Blainers for me, will ya?

They weren’t surprised, really. Didn’t mean they were any less disappointed.

And so, Devon’s attention shifted from his first son to his second. Blaine was a jumpy, hyper eight year old kid when Devon decided he was going to be the next CEO of  ANDRSN, and for a few years, Devon had no doubt Blaine would be the perfect heir. He was a straight A student, he played football after school, he wore bow ties and suspenders and behaved appropriately and charmingly amongst guests of all circles. Blaine was the perfect son anybody could ever ask for, and he seemed perfectly happy to fill the role. Ticking all of his father’s requirement boxes with effortless smiles and a skip in his step.

Then Blaine turned eleven.

“I’m gay, dad.”

Devon remembered feeling like his entire world had stopped. They had been having their regular family dinners and Devon froze mid bite, his fork hovering somewhere in the middle of his plate and his open mouth. Next to him Pamela jerked, but she didn’t look very surprised, and Devon figured he was the last one to know about this.

Devon sighed, placed his fork back on his plate,

“You’re sure?” He asked his son, knowing it was futile anyway. No way Blaine would risk telling them something of this magnitude unless he was completely certain. Blaine jerked a nod, keeping his gaze on his own plate, tiny fists clenched on his sides.

“Okay.” Devon said, and nodded. Being gay… it may not have been in his list of requirements needed for the perfect son, but he supposed it couldn’t do much harm either. Blaine’s eyes snapped to his,

“Okay?” He croaked, Devon nodded,

“Well, I’m not exactly happy about it, but, it’s not like you can do anything to change it. So, I will learn to accept it.”

Devon knew he wasn’t the warmest of parents, but from the tears of relief that welled up in Blaine’s eyes, at least he knew what he had said was partially comforting,

“This doesn’t mean that you’re excused to date anybody you want to though, do you understand?”

Blaine blinked at him, “What?”

“I don’t care if it’s a girl or a guy, Blaine, but make sure that whoever you bring home is worthy of being a part of this family.”

Nobody said anything for a while, the tension around them didn’t break until Blaine nodded, giving them a small smile, “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Blaine may not be a perfect son, but Devon figured he was as close to perfection as he could ask for.

Kurt Hummel’s parents start fighting when he’s five. The garage Burt opened just a couple of years ago isn’t doing very well and he’s almost always at work, leaving behind his wife to cook, clean, take care of Kurt and work at her mother’s company from home. It’s not fun, and Elizabeth’s exhausted, and Burt doesn’t understand because in his mind, if you’re not really going out to work, are you really working? Which leads to more fights and more lonely nights and Kurt finds himself hiding under his bed cuddling his Nanna’s soft cashmere sweater almost every night.

Elizabeth has never really been comfortable living as a housewife to a middle class man, but that man being Burt has always been enough reason to be happy. She loves her husband. Has loved him ever since he saw her in highschool cheering for the rival football team while he played quarterback and promptly asked her out on a date afterwards. Her mother did not approve, of course she didn’t, and Elizabeth found herself eloping with the man of her dreams right after highschool. They had been happy in the beginning. So happy. They had a lovely child, and Burt was working at the garage of one of his friend’s fathers and she was doing her best to not get bored out of her mind staying at home all day. But then Burt had wanted to open his own place, and Kurt had turned three and demanded a tutu and dance classes and everything had slowly unraveled.

Burt had started taking on mortgages even when Elizabeth offered to help him out, he and Kurt had started becoming more and more awkward with each other, both giving each other looks of confusion and hurt rather than the love and affection they had before. Elizabeth knew that if Burt just spent some alone time with Kurt he would be able to figure his own son out, but again, Burt hardly had any time for his family anymore, so the father and son remained practically strangers and Christmases and birthdays were filled with grossed out faces at unused boy-gifts and hurtful thank yous.

Looking back, Elizabeth honestly doesn’t know how she survived those years, but it was when Kurt was seven, and her mother had showed up for a surprise visit for her only grandson’s birthday, that everything finally came to a head. Burt hadn’t gotten home until an hour after Kurt’s bed time that evening, and after asking her mother to please tuck him in, Elizabeth was waiting for her husband on the living room sofa, arms crossed and a scowl on her face. Elizabeth has become fairly good at masking her emotions when faced with her husband’s late nights, but none of their problems should affect Kurt’s birthday, she firmly believes that. But Burt hadn’t been there. And she doesn’t know what hurts more, his absence or that fact that Kurt had looked so much more comfortable and happy with just his mom and grandma to celebrate.

When Burt staggers into the house, he’s exhausted. He’s trying to get his garage to a more stable ground, while also trying to earn enough money with part time jobs at the dock to help with the mortgage, not that Lizzy needs to know that bit. She’ll just try to make him talk to her mother, and god knows Burt has had enough of that snobbish Madame Alarie to last him a lifetime. When he does get home though, he knows something’s wrong. The house is quiet. No sounds coming from the TV or the radio (and Burt’s house is never quiet. Not with the love his wife and son share for show tunes) he can’t hear Kurt’s high pitch giggles coming from the kitchen as he tries to help his mother bake cookies. One look at his watch tells him he’s late. Another at the calendar tells him he’s very late on the absolute worst day. He sighs, he knows he’s in for it now. Their screaming matches are sort of legendary in the neighborhood, and as embarrassed as he is about the commotion, Burt figures he’s too tired to care about it at this point.

The verbal back and forth that follows is legendary, but it doesn’t last very long. Just as Elizabeth starts crying, there are suddenly footsteps stomping downstairs, and Burt looks up to see Nanna Alarie rushing downstairs, his glare fierce and directed straight at him. He loses all the fight inside of him when he sees Kurt in her arms, crying and clutching at her sweater with a grip so tight Burt’s afraid he won’t ever want to let go,

“What in the world are you two doing?” She demands and Burt knows that the only reason she also isn’t screaming is because she thinks herself too dignified for it. Burt hates her. She’s rubbing comforting circles on his son’s back, and Elizabeth is sobbing in the corner and Burt honestly does not remember everything he said in his rage and exhaustion but from the way his mother-in-law is looking at him, Burt feels exactly 2 inches tall.

That isn’t new. Burt has always felt 2 inches tall under her gaze,

“You are-” She continues, completely floored at their behavior, as if they would even dare , as if he would even dare to raise his voice at her daughter, irrationally, he feels the anger simmer at the bottom of his belly again, “You both are parents how on earth do you justify screaming at eachother so loud that Kurt wakes up screaming- ”

Oh, and as if those words are just not a thousand stabs to his heart right there-

“ He tries to stay quiet and tries to hide under his bed What in the entire world is wrong with the both of you- ” Her tone doesn’t change, still remains low and harsh but there are tears running down her face too, tears for nothing and nobody but her grandson because that boy is still sobbing, she can feel her neck wet, but he still won’t make a sound-

Nanna Alaria shakes her head, her grip tightening on Kurt in a stance that is purely protective. Burt tries to take a step, who on earth does she think she is trying to protect his own son from him , but his feet don’t move. He watches her calm herself down with just a breath, and god does he hate how in control she always is, as if nothing ever shakes her for too long, and hears her say, “I’m taking him with me right now. I don’t care what anyone says, but he’s coming with me to France and he’s staying there until you two finish this. It doesn’t matter to me how this ends.” She says this as if she isn’t talking about her daughter’s marriage of eight years. She says this as if she’s talking about a particularly bloody wrestling match, “I don’t care if you decide to stay together or separate but Kurt isn’t staying one more second in a place that so completely terrifies him.”

Burt waits for Elizabeth to say something, maybe to protest. Burt wills himself to protest, but nothing follows his mother-in-laws proclamation except silence. They watch her scoff at their cowardice, as if they are children, but she doesn’t spare them another glance, just walks right of the door with their son in her arms. No need to pack or make arrangements. She’s rich enough that she’s never had to think about these things. Burt feels relief course through him, and the only person he hates more than himself in that moment is her.

They try to make their marriage work for exactly two days before Eizabeth presents him with divorce papers. Burt isn’t surprised. Doesn’t try to convince her to stay. The last two days without the buffer that was their child has made him realise how bad they actually are at this. How much Elizabeth has been keeping in and how annoyed and angry he gets at any and everything of hers that reminds of the difference in their class. Her stay at home job, her superior sense of style, her mannerisms and words of choice. Even after 10 years together, and living those 8 years with him in his rundown apartment, she’s still very inexplicably rich and he feels like a hick in front of her. Everything about her that he had found alluring and sophisticated back in highschool now serves as a reminder of how much better than him she is, and Burt hates himself for feeling this way, but they just don’t fit together.

It takes 4 months for the divorce to finalize, it would’ve been a lot faster if Kurt had been present, but neither he nor Lizzy had wanted to have that conversation with her mother. She leaves for France as soon as it’s done though, leaving behind only a phone number mumbling at him to call if he wants to speak with Kurt.

Burt stares at that number, wonders how long he should wait to call, wonders if he even should call. It’s no secret that he and his son don’t share any common interest, and all Burt’s ever done is make Kurt feel uncomfortable with his pushiness, but Kurt’s still his son and don’t all sons need their fathers?

He calls Elizabeth a couple of days before Christmas, demands that at the very least he still wants his son with him for the birthdays and holidays. If she wants to make a crack at his sudden willingness to be a father, she doesn’t do it. And if Burt is surprised at how easily she agrees to the arrangement, he doesn’t show it.

Kurt only comes home for the 25th and the 26th. And if Burt is angry at the beginning about how little time they will have together, by the end of it he’s only thankful. Kurt shows up at the airport with an airhostess next to him in a pair of pressed shorts, suspenders and bowtie, with his shirt tucked in and his hair in a careful side part. Burt can feel the airhostess in charge of his boy judging him when he picks up his son in stained jeans and a wrinkled plaid shirt. It’s the same look people gave him all the time when he walked beside Elizabeth anywhere. He hates that look. At 7 years old, Kurt already has more class in him than his old man.

The next two days, Burt takes Kurt to the garage with him and is pleasantly surprised at how fascinated Kurt is about everything. Kurt talks about his life in France while learning about oil changes, and Burt tries to pay attention to him as he goes on and on about his new school, and his new home, and how nobody makes fun of him and how everybody dresses so nicely, daddy.

Burt cringes slightly at the high pitched daddy but doesn’t say a word.

The arrangement works for a while but not for long. Kurt hates travelling so much. For Easter, for his birthday, for thanksgiving, for christmas. He hates that he can’t spend any of his holidays with anyone except his dad. His english is deteriorating slightly from disuse, and he rants in French when he gets too excited or too nervous. His mother-in-law refuses though to move him, though. Says Kurt is happy where he is and if Burt has that much of a problem with Kurt getting comfortable with French, maybe he should learn the language himself.

A few years later though, Elizabeth calls in the middle of September, when Burt isn’t expecting her in the least,

“Mamma’s opening a new branch of her fashion house in New York next year. She thinks it’s high time New York was graced by the beauty and power that is Alarie. I just think it’s because Kurt’s already been talking about going to college at Parsons. So, we’re moving back to the states this December. I managed to convince her that Kurt is old enough now that if he wants a relationship with his father, she can’t say no to him. We’re still not going to be staying in Lima. But, I’m looking for a house in Westerville.”

“You’re coming back?” Burt still can’t really wrap his head around it.

“Yes. Look, I need to go. I need to pick Kurt up from school. Good bye.” She says and hangs up before Burt can respond.

Blaine attends Westerville Heritage Middle school and is known amongst his peers as some sort of a boy wonder. He’s in AP classes and maintains a straight A grade card. He’s in football and is considered the ace even though he isn’t the quarterback or the captain. And though he isn’t in their school’s choir because of how religious and catholic the whole is, he does sometimes play the organ for them. Even if Blaine didn’t have any of those talents, he’s sure he would be popular enough just based on the fact that he’s one of the very few students who has a chauffeur picking him up and dropping him off every day. Blaine knows he’s not the only rich guy in this school, but he’s probably one of the richest and he’s definitely the least snobby about it. Rich kids usually like to stick to their own groups, but Blaine is too sociable to limit himself like that, so he befriends everybody and is well-liked in return.

It’s in his last year of middle school something interesting finally happens. He’s walking towards his math class after a bathroom break when he sees him coming out of the principal’s office. The hallway is empty because classes started 10 minutes ago, and the new guy looks incredibly confused by his schedule (and he’s definitely new. There is no way Blaine would ever forget a face that pretty). Considering how pretty the boy is, and how social Blaine is, it’s no surprise that he forgets all about math and starts walking towards the new kid instead,

“Hey.” Blaine calls out, and the boy looks up from where he was studying his schedule as if it was an ancient scripture. Blue eyes meet hazel ones and Blaine promptly stumbles on thin air, almost landing face first on the dirty floor,

“Hello?” The new boy’s tone is nervous and a little questioning, but Blaine is having trouble getting over how soft his voice is,

“Hi. You’re new?” Blaine asks, making the other kid blush and look away,

“I stand out a lot?”

Blaine wants to say yes. Yes because you look like an angel and sound like an angel and breathe like an angel excuse me, maybe, are you possibly an angel? But Blaine also really doesn’t want to look like a crackhead. Blaine shakes his head no, notices how thick the other boy’s accent is. European. But, his english is confident too, so at least, he’s fluent.

“Not at all. You just looked a little confused.” He says and motions towards the schedule the boy is holding,

“Oh. Yes, This is a little confusing. I am supposed to go to different rooms for different classes?”

Blaine chuckles lightly, the boy looks adorable with the confused furrow of his brows, “I take it you’re not from the States.”

“No. Yes- I mean, I am American. Just, I was in France for most of my elementary and middle school.”

“So, what brings you to little old Ohio?”

The boy smiles, as if Blaine’s just made a joke, “My Nanna needed to move to New York for a while, and my mom wanted me to get closer to my father who lives in Lima, so we moved here.”

“Hmm.” Blaine makes grabby hands for the schedule and says, “Gimme, I’ll show you how to figure this place out.”

The relief on the boy’s face is so stark it makes Blaine laugh, “Thank you so much. I’m Kurt, by the way. Kurt Alarie-Hummel.”

Blaine blinks, “Alarie? You’re from France? Alarie like the fashion house?”

“Yes, you know it?” Blaine nods,

“I’m Blaine Anderson. Like the ANDRSN magazine? My mother likes to keep on top of things like these.”

“Oh! I love ANDRSN! I started reading them a couple of years ago when I was stuck at my Nanna’s office and ran out of vogue. Their 2008 summer issue is probably my favorite cover of any magazine yet.”

Blaine laughed, and before he could question himself too much, he took Kurt’s hand and squeezed, “I believe we’re going to get along great, Kurt.”

And they do. Blaine helps Kurt adjust to the american school system, showing him around town on weekends, taking him to the mall where Kurt looked absolutely appalled by the selection of clothes they sell, he takes him to dinner in lieu of showing him diners and restaurants and places to eat. Neither of them call the outings dates. They’re just getting to know each other. Becoming close friends. But, sometimes when Kurt takes his hand in his across the table at a coffee shop or when Blaine insists on paying the bill for their dinner even though they’re both more than capable of splitting it, neither of them bother to hide their smiles.

Blaine doesn’t think Kurt is having a hard time at school. He has no reason to think so. So, he is definitely shocked at the scene he comes across one day coming out of his AP chemistry class,

Kurt is standing right across the hallway from Blaine’s class, no doubt waiting for him so that they can go study together (Blaine is in dire need of some French lessons, and Kurt is beyond fluent) when he sees 3 guys from the Hockey team coming towards him, carrying a bucket of something or the other in one of their hands. One of them points at Kurt and nudges the guy in the middle, snickering. The guys walk by nonchalantly, so much so that Blaine is sure he’s just being paranoid, but then the make a sharp turn, and just upends the bucket over Kurt, cold water and ice cubes raining on him as he freezes under the assault, head ducking down, and shoulders going high, his eyes are squeezed shut against the pain and mouth open to gasp out a breath,

Blaine doesn’t even think, he runs over, feeling a kind of rage building up inside him aimed at those stupid laughing buffoons like he hasn’t ever felt before,

“What do you think, princess? We’re just trying to help you live up to your name.” One of those guys laughs again, but Kurt doesn’t say a word, Just forces his body to relax against the cold and corrects his posture. His cold blue eyes regard them with no emotion, and slowly their laughs die on their lips,

“What the fuck you looking at, you freak?!” And that’s when Blaine steps in, pushing the guys away from Kurt when they start closing in on him and standing between,

“Back off, Reynolds.” He spits out, and though their looks of contempt don’t shift, the guys do take a step back,

“This doesn’t concern you, Anderson.”

“Fuck it doesn’t! You mess with Kurt again, I’ll have you pulled out of the hockey team.” Blaine says, then raises a brow, “The principle really likes my dad, you know?”

It’s a low blow, using his last name like that to get what he wants, and usually, Blaine would never do something so cliche. He likes depending on his skills and talents rather than his parent’s money. But, this is Kurt. And if there is anything Blaine has figured out about himself in the past couple of months, it’s that there are not a lot of things that he wouldn’t do for Kurt.

When the idiots walk away, Blaine takes Kurt’s hand and pulls him towards the boy’s locker room. Kurt stays strong and still till he’s in the hallway, but as soon as Blaine closes the door to the locker room behind him, Kurt’s shivering and coughing and getting out of his wet clothes as fast as he can,

“Here, go take a hot shower. I’ll get you some of my gym clothes, okay?” Blaine waits for Kurt to nod, and then goes to his locker to take out his towel, a spare t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that he keeps for gym. The shower starts running, and Blaine focuses on calming himself down. The confrontation is over. He would be no help to Kurt now by being angry.

Kurt turns off the shower, and turns around to see that Blaine’s already laid out a towel and some clothes on the bench. He quickly towels off and changes, walking over to the other side of the lockers to find Blaine shaking off his sopping wet clothes and trying to fold them without getting wet himself,

“You don’t have to do that-” He says softly, but Blaine’s already shaking his head, giving him a small, tired smile,

“It’s fine. Are you cold still?”

“Not anymore. Thank you for the clothes.” Blaine sighs,

“It’s fine, Kurt. You don’t have to be so formal all the time.”

Kurt flinches, and even though he knows Blaine means nothing bad, the word is too close to other meaner words, words like ‘uptight’, and ‘prissy’, and ‘ice queen’,

“I’m not trying to be formal- I.. I’m just grateful.” Maybe it’s the slight desperation in his tone, but it makes Blaine look up at him again, and when he sees the expression on Kurt’s face, he places the wet clothes on the bench and moves closer, placing warm hands on Kurt’s slightly cooler cheeks,

“Those guys, do they pick on you often?”

Kurt hesitates, feels his cheek burn at the lack of proximity between them, “Not- not like that. Never this much. It’s only ever some taunts here and there. It’s okay.”

“Taunts?” Blaine raises a brow,

“Yes, like-”

“Like ‘princess’?”

“Like ‘Ice Queen’ and ‘Prude’ and ‘That guy with the stick up his ass’.”

Blaine scowls, his eyes darkening, “Kurt-”

“I’m not trying to be, I swear. It’s just… It’s a little difficult for me to open up like this-”

“God Kurt, You’re doing nothing wrong. Those guys are just assholes, okay?”

Kurt doesn’t speak for a moment. Blaine is still holding him by his cheeks. He averts his eyes because he can’t turn his face, “You are very friendly with everyone here-”

“Doesn’t mean you have to be just as friendly. I just have this obsessive compulsion to make everybody like me. It’s not something I always enjoy about myself. Trust me. You’re perfect. You don’t have to have a hundred friends to be alright, okay?”

Kurt blinks, “Okay.”

“You just need me. I’ll be enough, okay?”

Kurt smiles, small and shy and tries to duck his head but fails,

“Okay.”

Kurt’s Favorite Cover Of The ANDRSN Magazine

[godandanime1104]

No Choice - ML/Yandere Simulator Crossover

Marinette has never felt emotions the way others did. They laughed heartily, sobbed inconsolably, and raged joylessly, but Marinette could only feel pity.

She pitied their hopeless devotion to each other, their anger. Marinette was free of those emotions, even if she was not able to enjoy that freedom. Others around her found her to be odd for this reason.

Why she could not feel like they seemed to do, nobody seemed to be able to answer. Her mother assured her nothing was the matter, that it wouldn’t last forever. One day, someone would allow her to feel like all the others.

Marinette wasn’t sure she believed her, but couldn’t really change anything either way, so she ignored it.

Her father had an entirely different approach. He felt that if he flooded her world with things children seemed to love, Marinette would smile as they had.

He gave her toys, bought her sweets, even moved them to a bakery so they could be surrounded by the goods. Supposedly, he’s mistaken her proficiency with baking and cooking as a love of it, Marinette didn’t know. In return, she made a choice.

If she played nice, pretended to enjoy living her life as others did, it would be easier. And, it was. Her father seemed to light up, joyous that his daughter finally could be normal.

Her mother just looked at her, charming smile in place, and Marinette felt something different. Not emotionally but, her chest seemed tight. Her eyes narrowed, attempting to decipher what had changed. The eyes that stared back were indeed her mother’s eyes, but Marinette could recognize that something was off.

Two years later, Marinette realized what it was.

School had never been a complication when compared to everything in her life. It was a place to spend her days, a routine to make her seem normal. She faked her enjoyment of some classes, feigned distaste for others. She made friends, people who liked the way her false smiles made them feel secure in themselves.

With every new friend, her father grew more and more comfortable. It didn’t particularly matter to her, nothing really did, but it was convenient. He left her to her own devices.

If her mother was right, she needs her own space. It was better to establish it now before something happened and she had nothing to ease it.

Then, school started up again.

She was in the same class as the previous year, along with a girl who seemed to like her fake reactions. Chloé Bourgeois was an entitled girl with too much makeup and a nasty attitude, and she had a love of bullying other students, Marinette included.

Marinette didn’t particularly mind the girl. She was an inconvenience, but the world was full of those. However, she had to pretend more than ever around her. She learned to cry on command, learned to fake anger, and a small dose of fear.

She learned by copying her classmates, watching as they recoiled from Chloé. It seemed almost too easy to satisfy her cravings for the misery of others.

The first day of school was nothing out of the ordinary. Marinette took the box of sweets from her Papa, made her way to school, after saving an old man from a car, and took her normal seat. Of course, the ordinary events of this made no impression on Chloé Bourgeois, who demanded she move from her seat to the one beside a new student in the class.

Of course, Marinette didn’t want to move. She could see perfectly from where she was sitting, and there was no reason to sit beside a new student when she had plenty of stand in friends.

Still, Chloé wasn’t going to back down. The new girl came to her, apparent, rescue, dragging her away and spilling her sweets. Marinette made it seem like it was her own fault to avoid more annoyances, and took the seat as told. If she could feel emotions normally, Marinette thinks she would...hate Chloé Bourgeois. Yes, that sounded like the right word.

The girl introduced herself as Alya after a few sentences were exchanged, and Marinette offered her friendship with the remaining sweet. If she was interested in being her friend, Marinette wasn’t going to stop her. She seemed like an interesting ally to have.

The rest of the day was boring, full of school work and getting-to-know-you games. Alya seemed determined to be her friend, and, as far as the other girl knew, she was.

Everything was simple.

The next day was not. Chloé Bourgeois had a friend, one who finally showed up. He drew attention from everyone in the room, and placed gum on Marinette’s seat. She decided that if she could have feelings for people, Alya would have her positive ones, and he would have all her negatives. At least Chloé had known her. He hadn’t even met her.

That day, of course, wasn’t ordinary.

Adrien, Marinette picked up his name amongst the chatter, was a rich kid. Two rich kids with little to no security were easy pickings. Even Marinette was better protected with a small knife concealed in her bag. Her mother was insistent. Her father did not know.

They were both taken hostage during class, armed assailants bursting through the doors. Everyone scattered, Alya pulling Marinette to safety, and they were held in the room.

Marinette called home, wanting to secure her mask as a scared student. All the other kids were doing the same. Her mother picked up.

Marinette would look back on this day in the future for many reasons, and this phone call would always play a key role.

Her mother, sugary sweet voice curved around double edged words, suggested she kill them. If Marinette allowed herself to be hurt, possibly killed, she would never feel the things she was supposed to. Marinette wasn’t sure she believed those words, but the chance was too high. She wasn’t going to let some gutter trash take away her future. This was an inconvenience she wasn’t willing to entertain.

Marinette snuck away from the library where everyone was hiding, heading for the theater room. If she was going to get rid of them, she couldn’t very well have her face out. She’d be arrested, savior or not.

She grabbed a mask, plain black, and pulled a janitor costume on. It was better they not know she went to school here if she could help it. Marinette’s knife was small, inefficient, but it would have to do. They wouldn’t wait for her, so she moved down the hall towards the classrooms they’d ducked into.

Marinette, knife in hand, snuck through the door, staying low, and tried to make a plan. Three kidnappers, one hostage. Chloé. Where was the boy? Marinette made a note and pushed the thought away. Less people to worry about recognizing her.

Speaking of, she considered removing the bands from her hair. Pigtails weren’t exactly common, but loose hair meant another way to be grabbed and it could obstruct her vision.

Bourgeois was crying, whining about her father. Marinette almost left, let them have her, but the risk to herself was too great to let it go on any longer. She stood, swaying a little as she prepared to attack.

Two guns were raised, turned to her, and the last pressed against Chloé’s head. She only seemed to get louder. Marinette would have to be fast so she’d shut up.

She raised her knife, eyes focused and stance ready. For a moment, nobody moved. Then, the door smacked the wall, shoved open by someone else. Marinette wasn’t stupid enough to turn away from the guns, throwing herself down behind a few desks that had been pushed aside. She risked a glance, seeing another person doing the same two rows back. He matched her, a black mask on his face, but wore the standard boy’s uniform.

He caught her eye, bullets flying all around them, and flashed a knife maybe an inch bigger than hers. This was more than just inconvenient. It was a problem, one she would have to deal with later.

The bullets paused, a telltale shuffle of reloading being heard, and Marinette made her move, jumping the desk and shoving the knife into the closest one’s throat, blood pooling over her fingers. It felt…

The other student, her unwanted partner, was on her tail, pressing his blade to the other man’s throat rather than killing him. Marinette internally huffed, shoving her victims body back, and yanking the gun from her partner’s hostage, pointing it at the other man.

Chloé was basically having a mental breakdown at this point, lip swollen, gun to her head, hands gripping her hair. Marinette memorized it. She felt nothing, not even pity, the one emotion she seemed capable of.

Her partner wanted everyone to live. This was a problem. Marinette said nothing, not even when he whispered for advice. She waited, watched, analyzed. When the man holding Chloé got nervous, he shifted. His finger moved. Marinette stared him down, her aim true and hands steady. He shifted, and she shot. He smashed against the wall, dropping the gun, and Chloé Bourgeois scurried away with tears pouring down her face.

Marinette turned, ready to kill both her partner and the last attacker, but the police, who’d arrived earlier and had come running while they were under fire, were shouting and stapeding towards the room. She had no time. Kill them both and be arrested, or escape. She chose.

“Did you see them?!” Alya caught her before class the next day. Marinette had run off, shoving her bloody costume and the mask into her bag before running home. Her mother covered for her, as Marinette knew she would, and helped her clean the costume. It would have to be returned most likely.

“See what?” Marinette had an inkling she knew what was happening.

“The guys who saved Chloé yesterday! It was so cool!” Alya shoved her phone into Marinette’s face, and she let a puff of air leave her. Unexpected.

Alya’s phone showed a video of, presumably Alya herself, running up the stairs towards gun shots. It was the room they’d been in. Alya had captured them on recording, killing two people and rescuing Chloé Bourgeois.

Marinette was sure this wouldn’t be a problem. If it was, it would mean Alya, and anyone who saw the video, would have to be eliminated.

“Aren’t they so cool?!” Alya was elated, eyes shining and face flushed.

“They killed two people, and took another hostage.” Marinette blanked.

“Yeah, but to save us all, including Chloé Bourgeois. And, you know how nasty she is. They risked their lives for her!” Alya was wrong, but sweet and perfect Marinette wouldn’t know that. She would be positive about this.

“You’re right, Alya. Gosh, we should be so grateful. They must be really brave!”

“See, I knew you’d see it my way.”

Marinette knew this was an idea that was going to earn her a lot of backfire, but she had a reason to get her spot back now. Yesterday’s events gave her a reason to stand up to Chloé Bourgeois. One day, when she could feel the way she was supposed to, she could look back on this. Maybe she would feel bad. But, Marinette of today wouldn’t.

They took the seats behind Nino, and Adrien when he would arrive. Of course, Chloé made a scene, but Marinette matched her for every shot, and, in the end, Marinette and Alya had their seats.

It rained that day, and Marinette couldn’t afford to get her bag wet. Convenience of space was traded for lack of water protection. Adrien, of course, had been leaving at the same time. She paid him no mind at first, until he began to speak, umbrella displayed proudly.

He apologized, told her his story, and held out his umbrella to her. Everything shifted. Her chest was tight, her face hot, and her knees shook. She wasn’t cold, or sick, but this was not normal.

Her fingers grazed his, and Marinette worried for a second that she’d been struck by lightning, sparks electrifying her skin. The umbrella closed on her, and he laughed. She wasn’t annoyed, but captivated. The sound was melodic, warm, inviting. She laughed too as she opened the umbrella again, shocked by it’s escape. It was involuntary, unforced. A real laugh.

He turned to leave, walking down the stairs, and Marinette dropped her bag, too...caught up in whatever this was to hold onto it anymore. Her heart pounded, and, for the first time in her life, she felt. She felt so many things, a wave of emotions she couldn’t name or seperate smashing into her.

Adrien.

He was the person, the one who would allow her to be normal. Adrien was her person. She had found him.

Marinette allowed the feelings to surround her as she looked in the mirror that night, and then let her smile melt off her face. He had been taken hostage yesterday, nearly killed and she never would have felt this way. She felt a new emotion, one she'd rarely had to fake around Chloé. Rage. Her eyes met her own in the mirror, and she finally understood her mother. Marinette knew now why her mother looked at her differently, why she saw right through her. She recognized her mother's gaze in the mirror now, cemented into her own.

Adrien had almost been taken from her loving embrace a mere day ago. That couldn’t happen. Marinette had to have him. Nothing would stand in her way. Adrien would be hers.

He had no choice in the matter.

~~~~

A/N - I don’t own the characters or Yandere Simulator, just my part of the story plot. Find them at HeyItsHoot on AO3 or owlgirl121 on Wattpad

[ofphcenixes]

THE PHOENIX || BLUE HAWTHORNE.

ok i won’t lie i stole this intro from veritas 2 kdJKDGF BUT ! if you want to get to know this guy definitely hit the readmore below *shaky eye emoji*. also hi i’m lilac i’m an admin and also a sims enthusiast anyways, back onto what’s important here, this lil bean called red blue !

personality

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO BLUE FACTS. PLEASE TEXT ‘STOPBLUE’ TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION.

but if you have seen blue’s blog sidebar and title, i feel like you will gather a LOT about his personality lmfao

he is playful, jocular, and honestly? immature

always looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know?

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around… if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but also Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re past the inevitable spaghetti monster that’s probably floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a plate of cookies to Heal You

honestly? the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a footballer he can be Tough on field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive and talks to birds he passes on his morning runs like he’s a disney princess djkgfdk

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho.

also what’s money? blue does not know

to many, blue’s known as the troubled kid who turned his life around. to others, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

history. (trigger warning: illness, death, drugs, depression)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME CHROMATIC CONTENT

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf ( what is his birthname ? he’ll never tell ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ) was born right here in ashmont.

despite not having a lot - he grew up with just him and his mum ( his father left before he was born, never knew a thing about him ), in a tiny trailer park on the outskirts of town. a far cry from the opulent manors peppered all throughout town, and the very lifestyle blue’s mother was accustomed to as a child. however, the pair were content as long as they were together.

despite not having much, blue loved every second of his childhood. he wore his mischief like a crown, smiling wherever he went. he’d always resonated with a love of music and dance, and like his mother before him, danced. ballet was his passion growing up, and started as young as 5.

as a child blue was often teased for this, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned ten, everything changed.

the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of thirteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved in a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local ashmont police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue out of wedlock, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

as a teenager, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. his grandparents were pigeon-holing him into a preppy, studious boy who’d go on to be a banker or a lawyer, when all blue had wanted to do was be himself. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 16, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rising of the sun. he’d fallen in with a bad crowd, hardly ever heading ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 16 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to stay. his grades were sinking towards the bottom of the barrel, he was always looking for validation from the bad kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with traffic offences, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), sobriety, the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 17. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. whether by choice or by accident, he knew he wasn’t ready to see his mother again. so… he’d hit rock bottom with a spectacular thud. but blue knew the only way to go from there was up.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school.

blue had no doubt his family name (that of his grandparents) helped him secure an athletic scholarship to st etienne. in his year of transformation from 17 to 18 his grandmother had softened to the boy she’d always hated and was riddled with guilt for the years of mistreatment, and promised to pay for his education (that wasn’t covered by his scholarship) as long as he promised to make something of himself. his first year of college, things really started looking up for blue. he was finally back on track.

then woops, grim came a-knocking again

bidding farewell to the grandmother he was only beginning to know, his grandfather had no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemond kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in study and in work. he quickly found his passion in helping kids, and giving them the childhoods that he never got. going into teaching seemed like a no-brainer.

although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of.

then the grim reaper came back a third time, his scythe begging for daisey rutherford.

the investigation.

blue’s connection to daisey is that they danced in ballet classes together… as you can imagine, daisey had to put on her Evil Training Wheels somewhere and unfortunately, blue was one of her earliest victims. teased constantly for his appearance, his love of ballet, his lack of wealth, and on awful days, his single parent household.

for the most part blue had grown resilient in ignoring these comments. but he never forgot how daisey mistreated him, and sparked a wave of similar comments from people in their year when they were only children.

hey now im not gonna rEVEAL (bc what if he is ??? :o ) anything relating to the crime if he was the murderer, but know he is Lorge and Strong and could probably push daisey over with his finger lmfao

it’s also worth noting that one of daisey’s parents, a beloved surgeon, treated blue’s mother whilst she was in hospital with cancer. the late detection of its return is what caused her death, and blue has been vocal in his blame in the rutherford family for the loss of the person closest to him ever since.

now i’m not saying blue did anything… but if he did, his ‘eye for an eye’ motive ? maybe not as crazy as you may think. especially when you consider your boi already has a criminal record. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

plots.

atm i am still working on blue’s blob and getting his stats/connections page up BUT !! here are a few fun lil plots beyond his skeleton connections that i’d absolutely love to explore. also here’s his current connections page for further ideas ! 

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS  - blue grew up in ashmont, and didn’t have a lot of friends kfgjfd. if your muse would have been down for a Young Memey Mess that’s fond of a pirouette, blue is your Man. on the flip side, if your muse is one of the Cool Kids and is looking for potential animosity, i’d love someone who tried to squash blue like a bug in their youth (~:

FLIRTATIONSHIP - blue is currently in a (hidden) relationship, and for the first time in his life, gasp, might have feelings. but he’s a fucking walnut and refuses to admit that, so a plot of someone with an unrequited crush, a fun flirtationship, or even someone that just wants to be his wingman would not only be fun, but also incredibly painful - which is what we deserve. 8) (also note, blue is bisexual so any muse would work. <3)

COWORKERS - blue works as a trainer at the ashmont fitness centre ( …. dont @ maaria for the page not being done fgjdgkdf  WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF UPDATING THE PAGES NOW KDFJGDKFJ). but i’d always be down for plots in the workplace !!

UBER - sorry for the lame ass name lmao but dkjfgfkd blue is not about the party scene anymore ( lowkey bc he’s afraid to get addicted again and throw away everything he’s worked so hard for). but he does care a lot about people, and a pal of his is v much still hooked to that lifestyle and he very dkfgjdf determinedly drives them home every time to ensure they’re safe. could be former party friends, could be current friends in some capacity. maybe there was an incident in their past that blue feels guilt over ( a fight perhaps, trigger warning - maybe an overdose?) and so now he looks after them. or even just having a sibling-like bond, which (as blue is an only child) i’d also love something like that!

STUDY BUDDY - blue is a moron and needs someone to help him not fail kdfjgdf. he may not be naturally adept at getting good grades, but unlike many, he’s trying his absolute hardest. in return, he’s more than happy to be your Meme Dealer. bonus points if it’s unlikely friends, or if they didn’t exactly get along at first. :D

FELLOW FOOTBALLERS - 2 bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart bc they’re not gay. dkjgdgdf but for REAL. exploring the team dynamic of the football team would be so fun, especially with blue’s reputation and the fact he only started taking up the sport when he was about 15-16, which may be a lot later than other guys in the team.

RIVALS - god they’re probably rivals about memes and i hate that but that’s just what it is :/

ok i have nothing else to say other than thank you for being a sweetheart and reading through this ??? i know it was a McMess but, if you’d like to plot with said mcmess definitely hit me up - or wait it out a lil bc i plan to do some starter stuff and plotting later today. (~: love you all, and viva la daisey ! 

[vmheadquarters]

When the Veronica Mars fan-funded film was released in 2014, no one could have predicted it would help to usher in a trend of revivals and reboots and remakes that would come to dominate Hollywood. And certainly no one could have predicted the series, a neo-noir about a teenage private detective in its original form, would be returning again five years later, this time as an eight-episode limited series on Hulu.

And yet the show's refusal to accept defeat feels like a perfect encapsulation of the spirit of Veronica Mars herself. Brought to vivid life by Kristen Bell, Veronica always gets back up. She plays by her own rules, never allowing herself to be content with or conform to the status quo. She's never what you expect, and she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. Along with her sparkling wit, these are her most admirable traits. But as with any revival, one has to wonder what the end goal ultimately is.

The feature film funded by fans through a Kickstarter allowed series creator Rob Thomas to craft an ending where there previously wasn't one. A parade of familiar faces, it was heavy on the nostalgia but light on the intricate, well-paced mysteries that originally set the show apart. This new chapter in the Veronica Mars saga doesn't serve the same purpose. It's not a trip down memory lane or an extended coda; it's an opportunity to test the waters and find out whether or not Veronica Mars still has life left in her. The world of television has changed a lot since the series first debuted on UPN, and although audiences might not have been ready for her then, they very well may be now.

Hulu is referring to these eight new episodes as Season 4 rather than simply a limited series, and while that doesn't necessarily mean anything, we can't discount the fact this is the second time the show has returned from the dead or that Bell, whose NBC series The Good Place will be ending after this upcoming season, and Thomas have both already expressed an interest in continuing Veronica's story beyond what we see here. The stakes are infinitely higher now than they were five years ago when the film hit theaters. The new season has to appeal to longtime fans as well as potential new ones. This ultimately means the overarching mystery at the heart of the season has to be strong enough to carry the weight and then some. The story has to push Veronica forward in a meaningful way. And for the most part, it succeeds.

When the show returns, Veronica is still working alongside television's No. 1 dad, Keith Mars (Enrico Colantoni), as a private eye in her hometown of Neptune, California. She and Logan (Jason Dohring), who is still in the military (and remains incredibly handsome), are still together and have adopted a dog named Pony since we saw them last. They're happy and stable, but Logan's job often takes him away suddenly for weeks or months at a time. While he's constantly moving, Veronica is more or less standing still. And she appears completely content with her life. But when a series of deadly bombings hit the town during the month-long celebration of spring break and threaten the city's tourism industry, and thus the livelihood of Neptune's quickly disappearing working class, Veronica dives headfirst into solving the case.

The class divide of Neptune, with the working class pitted against the town's rich elite, was built into the foundation of Veronica Mars, but when Veronica was in high school, it often played out through Veronica's status as an outsider. She didn't fit in with the popular crowd, known as the 09ers, because of Keith's wrongful accusation of the Kanes in the wake of Lilly's (Amanda Seyfried) murder. But she also didn't fit in with the working class because of her former association with that same rich crowd. In 2019, with Veronica now in her 30s, the class warfare manifests itself differently. Veronica and Keith are still hustling to make ends meet as private eyes — Veronica is hesitant to take any job that won't pay them well and drives up their retainer whenever she can — but a pointed C-plot also finds Keith, who is still struggling in the wake of the car accident that occurred in the film, attempting to navigate our country's broken healthcare system as a member of the have-nots. It's familiar social commentary for the series, but it's perhaps even more relevant now than it was in 2004.

So when bombs start going off, putting many of the businesses that rely on local tourism in jeopardy, like a rowdy nightclub owned by Kirby Howell-Baptiste's Nicole, Veronica naturally starts digging. Technically she and Keith have been hired by the family of a congressman whose brother was injured in one of the bombings, but Veronica is interested in the case for other reasons too, namely Matty (Izabela Vidovic), the daughter of a divorced single father who dies in the first explosion. The show takes every opportunity to remind us Matty is a lot like a young Veronica, for better or worse.

The ensuing investigation, which plays out over the entire season, puts Veronica on a collision course with Penn Epner (Patton Oswalt), a local pizza delivery guy with a true crime obsession, as well as a few familiar faces from the original series. They include Weevil (Francis Capra), who's back in his criminal element after being framed by the sheriff's department in the film and taking an out-of-court settlement in Mr. Kiss and Tell, one of two canonical books published after the film; Leo (Max Greenfield), who now works for the FBI and continues to have sparks with Veronica; Vinnie (Ken Marino), whose office is a strip club because that's the logical next step after a van; and even Liam Fitzpatrick (Rod Rowland), who's still a scumbag and may or may not be involved in planting the bombs. Eventually, the case leads Veronica to none other than Big Dick Casablancas (David Starzyk), who seems to have suffered very little from his time in prison. Now cozied up to a man he met on the inside, Clyde (the always excellent J.K. Simmons), he's attempting to transform Neptune from a wild spring break destination into an elite and idyllic seaside community only the rich can afford.

This is a Veronica Mars that is both familiar and new. As Bell and Thomas promised, the new season is a different beast from the show that initially ran for three seasons on UPN and The CW in the mid-2000s. It's been described as more adult and as "hardcore So-Cal noir," and although it's difficult to imagine a scenario for Veronica that is worse than her own rape and the murder of her best friend as a teenager, the series somehow manages to go bigger and darker and create a more dangerous atmosphere, complete with increasingly dire consequences. In the process, it also evolves into a show about Veronica's emotional stagnation.

A running thread this season finds Logan pushing Veronica to go to therapy so she can hopefully begin to cope with her trauma rather than continuing to ignore it. He credits his therapist with helping him manage his anger — Logan might have evolved and matured during his time in the military, but he's still Logan — but Veronica repeatedly refuses, insisting she's fine. Of course, anyone with a working set of eyeballs can obviously see that Veronica is not fine, that she's been hardened by everything that has happened to her over the years and still suffers from the trust issues that have plagued her since her high school days. It's not entirely clear if Veronica is even happy working as a P.I. in Neptune or if that's just what she thinks she should be doing. All the same, Logan is determined to help Veronica, and after seeing plenty of men on TV struggle in this same way, seeing Veronica face these challenges instead is a welcome role reversal that still feels completely in character. In fact, everything that occurs between Logan and Veronica throughout the season is well done, completely thought out, and true to both characters.

But for all the good, and for all the fun it is to return to Neptune and watch Veronica continue to be smarter than everyone around her, the new season isn't without its faults. A major twist near the end of the season feels like it belongs in a different series entirely, like it was added more for shock value than anything else, and I worry about its lasting implications and how it might affect the possibility of another season. If it's an attempt by Thomas and the writers to convince Hulu to grant the series more episodes to explore the aftermath, it's a big swing, and not one I am sure will pay off.

It's unfortunate that one bad decision in a sea of good ones can so easily color the rest of a finished product, but there's a very good chance that is exactly what will happen for many fans. If they can get past it, there absolutely could be life left in Veronica Mars. For most of the season, the show is a lot of fun, balancing its well-honed sense of humor — many times at the expense of fan-favorite character Dick Casablancas (Ryan Hansen) — with Keith and Veronica's powerful family dynamic and a sometimes predictable but nevertheless engaging central mystery. There were many times throughout the season I found myself wishing Kristen Bell would never stop playing Veronica, that we never stop getting to spend time with what might be one of the best and weirdest supporting casts on TV after FX's Justified (another series I would kill to revisit in the future). And to an extent, I still feel that way; Veronica is one of the most competent characters on TV. After 15 years, she's now an old friend, and I'd rather spend time with her than most anyone else. But after these eight episodes, I also won't be surprised if this is the end of her story, and if it is, it's a somewhat disappointing one.

All eight episodes of Veronica Mars debut Friday, July 26 on Hulu.

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

Gonna write my scatterbrained Spicy Hot Takes on Agartha before the news is stale and I delete this annoying and boring chapter from my mental landscape, so bear with me:

I think Agartha’s main issue was just straight up poor writing. The Japanese direct translations being as downright offensive as they were is one thing - but overall, the chapter is just one plot contrivance after another. It tries so, so hard to go for a certain tone but can’t seem to stick to any one thing or idea. Disregarding themes about sexuality probably would have been the very best way to go about this chapter, since I think the most interesting part was the theme about storytelling and in-authenticity - we all know that That Line was annoying af in a game like FGO, but it CAN work in a series like Fate as a whole. I had a helluva long day at work so allow me to explain in the least scatter-brained way I can manage right now:

Here’s what I’m thinking: Scheherazade, whose name I guarantee I will spell wrong/differently every time I write it even though I’ve been able to pronounce it properly since I was thirteen (I was in a speaking competition and told some of the Thousand and One Nights using her framework as the opening monologue, long story short ANYWAY -) is traumatized by her ordeal with the king. This is a really good and interesting thing to explore! Fitting it in with the theme of storytelling - Scheherazade is deeply afraid of dying and will do whatever it takes to live, so she makes a fantasy world and fills it with legends, and feeds their energy to a Holy Grail. With this, and the power of a Demon God at her side, she plans to reveal magic to the human world in the most destructive fashion possible, allowing the fantastic to become ordinary, and destroying the Throne of Heroes itself in the process. Fate is a series were stories have power - but Scheherazade survived basically by telling the most fantastical, interesting tales she could and never finishing them. She always would pause in the middle, and say, “That’s all for tonight.” I think this is the kind of thing we can run with in terms of setting.

Dahut is the weirdest example because it’s the one story in the chapter that I know next to nothing about. At one point it’s mentioned that Dahut is impossible to summon as a Servant, and so Drake was “forced” into the role of the Pirate Princess. Ys is probably the weakest part of the chapter for that, but I did like the idea of her being “Drake Alter,” where Drake vibrantly pursues her goals and desires but takes nothing for granted; Dahut gives into her every whim and takes absolutely everything for granted. The conflict between “Drake” and “Dahut” should have been emphasized more instead of having the player/Da Vinci dismiss her as “Oh, it’s not Drake, except when she conveniently comes back to delivery us the MacGuffins Ex Machina in the eleventh hour.” Dahut has little connection to Drake - it’s not her story, but a role she was forced into because Scheherazade was building a very specific kind of world. Therefore it is inauthentic. Perhaps that’s all it needs to be in this context. 

This can also work with the Amazons. Scheherazade never told stories of the Amazons, but she has access to basically all stories in the world through her Noble Phantasm - she learns that they are a society of warrior women who live without men, and so decides that they will be a society which oppresses men due to her fear/bitterness towards men after the ordeal she suffered through. The “oppressing men” plotline was honestly dumb all around but using the Amazons as a mechanism to explore Scheherazade's trauma would’ve been more interesting than just having them be the Big Bad before the Big Bad Columbus Reveal: Scheherazade doesn’t like fighting, but wishes that she had been strong enough to protect herself. Because she views herself as a coward and her ordeal with the king has complicated her view of sexuality - “I’m better suited to a bedchamber than a battlefield” - she uses the Amazons of Agartha as a mechanism to cope. 

This brings us to Wu, whose design I’m still not happy about even though I think the in-story justification is somewhat fair. (Let Helena and Wu be gray-haired grannies together or so help me!) Wu was absolutely an authoritarian ruler who did, in fact, invade and conquer several nations and institute a terrifying network of secret police. In her later life, she was given to decadence - but her tenure on the throne showed her to be a highly competent administrator. Notably, she ruled over an era of religious tension and balanced matters quite well, and though she was accused of undoing meritocracy to put her supporters into power, many of the men she appointed held positions in government long after she’d died because they were actually good at their jobs. Wu has been heavily mythologized over the years - later Tang emperors and Neo-Confucian scholars wrote her off (Wu founded her own dynasty under her own name, so they kind of had to legitimize it somehow), she became associated the nine-tailed fox spirit thanks to a few popular novels and poems, etc., etc., etc. The crazy thing is that Wu actually left very few records of herself behind, apart from some poems. Even the inscription on her tomb is blank! People can say whatever they want about her - it’s extremely difficult to know the full truth of the matter without any objective observers in the field (and without Wu’s own words to give context/another story), especially if you don’t read any Chinese. 

BTW - the first thing I learned history class is that when you’re dealing with primary sources, you must always remember that translators have agendas. Every word is a deliberate choice, and it changes the meaning from the original text. When dealing with historical documents, this is not always a good thing. 

Scheherazade reads some, but not all of these stories, and integrates Wu into her world as the sadist empress with an iron grip on her decadent mythical city. 

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It’s a lot, but I’m not done. Now we have to deal with Columbus - there’s “In Defense of Columbus” video is floating around in the Agartha tag, but I haven’t watched it in full and haven’t done like, any intensive research on Columbus in particular, so I’m going to apologize right now for any historical inaccuracies/misconceptions that I’m about to write. The point I want to make here mainly is that Columbus, like Wu, has been heavily, heavily mythologized for both good and evil at various points. The thing about Columbus that is also interesting is that the authenticity of his journals is or was apparently a subject of debate. The man who published most of them actually happened to be Bartolomew de las Casas - one of the founders/first vocal supporters of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The reason de la Casas supported this is because he believed that using African labor would be an improvement over enslaving the native populations of the New World. Soon after, he had a change of heart and devoted the rest of his life to fighting against slavery in all forms. De la Casas went on to be named a saint, and was possibly the first person in history to propose the idea of universal human rights - which is how I had heard of him until literally just this afternoon; I had no idea he’d ever supported the slave trade until I was looking up basic info about Columbus’s writings so I could write this long-ass post. History is full of complicated people. 

But as I mentioned in Wu’s bit, it’s very important to note that in many ways, Columbus is literally just whatever people decide he is. Like, he never even set foot in any land that would become the United States, and yet he’s a huge symbol here! Along these lines, his amnesia would fit the theme of inauthentic storytelling, choosing what to read and what to believe in. Columbus regaining his memories was an understated moment, which is actually fucking fantastic because it could be used to really emphasize the choice that is being made here. He’s a Heroic Spirit who can choose to be whatever he wants. He can choose to be the simple hero-explorer that schoolchildren sing about, or he can choose to be the Big Bad, the first and perhaps most infamous conquistador. And he chooses to be the bad guy. That is so fuckin’ fantastic, y’all! I honest to God love that not only did FGO portray Columbus as a villain of history but that the bad reputation is something he chooses to maintain! I can write a list of Servants who were less than stellar people and got a makeover for Fate. Nero is probably one of the worst examples but like - Ozymandias absolutely owned slaves in his life as a pharaoh. Hercules and Medea murdered their own children. Asterios literally ate humans as the Minotaur. Gilles de Rais exists as a playable character. Jack the Ripper is your daughter. Hell, Nobunaga burned temples with the monks still inside - but she feels bad about it now! Enough digressing but I a hundred percent get why Japanese fans found Columbus “refreshing” at his introduction. He owns his cruelty, his desire to exploit others - he challenges the narrative that everyone is redeemable because he doesn’t even want to be redeemed, he just wants to get rich and famous, and he doesn’t give a shit who he steps over in the process! Like, Columbus said, “I’m just doing what comes naturally,” at one point when he still had amnesia, so when he got his memory back and turned on the player, I really would’ve liked for him to say is something like, “You’ve already decided that I’m the bad guy, right? You know my story, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

These kinds of questions/debates could have been used to emphasize the themes of Agartha. Legends are what people decide they are. People make choices and history decides whether they were good or evil or important retroactively. Can you know what someone is like by reading a translation of their poetry? Can you judge a king’s reign by the words of their successors or their rivals? Does the context of a story matter? This all could have been super interesting to explore!

Like I said, the main theme of Agartha being “inauthentic storytelling” could have been hella, hella good considering that this is a world created by Scheherazade’s fears and trauma feeding into her escapist desires. But Minase’s incompetence as a writer made everything so hamfisted and awkward that everything just suffered under his desire to insert his fetishes at every moment. It was so obvious that he didn’t read any material for old Fate characters - like Astolfo you poor sweet thing, you deserved so much better! - and even the new characters that he clearly did research on, like Columbus, fell flat because he couldn’t figure out what he was trying to say beyond mildly-to-extra offensive sex jokes.

[sophygurl]

Dirty Dancing

I had a hankering to watch one of my old favorites today - one I’ve seen hundreds of times and that’s not an exaggeration. I probably watched it one hundred times alone the first summer it was on HBO and I recorded it - I’m guessing 1988 since it came out in 87?

Anyway - the short version of this post is simply that I’m pretty sure Dirty Dancing is a big part of my bisexuality and polyamorousness like. I’m sorry but Baby falls for Penny as much as Johnny and you can’t convince me otherwise and they would make an excellent throuple. And my little hetnormative-trained 13 year old brain didn’t KNOW that was a big draw of the movie for me but it was because the scenes between the three of them were my favorites - especially the dance training montage scenes where they’re all dancing together oh my HEART. But also just like you see so clearly how Baby is crushing on them both so much in those beginning stages and SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPOKE TO MY LIL TEENAGE HEART OKAY?

So but the longer version is that I still love every single bit of this damned movie (2 minor exceptions - when Baby says “I’m not proud of myself” in her emotional monologue to her dad? I’d take that out. And also I wish the mom had just a smidge more agency but I also get that the lack of agency for the women was a big part of the story- hence these only being slight exceptions).

But okay yes. The movie? Is hella fun with a kicking soundtrack and amazing dancing and acting and Grey and Swayze have chemistry coming out of their whazoodles and I’d throw Rhodes in there too and all of that is fun and sexy and romantic and nostalgic (now for TWO decades since it kinda melds 60′s and 80′s stuff together in some ways).

You know what else though? It’s also just an amazing movie with incredible peeks into the sexism and classism of the era, and especially the intersection of the two. It explores both upper and lower class women’s roles and how both lower class men and women were treated. Swayze’s Johnny Castle is treated like a sexual object and expected to have sex with the upper class women who are being neglected by their husbands (interesting to note that the entertainment staff was forbidden to socialize with the daughters but expected to sex up the older ladies and the more educated upper class staff were expected to romance but not have sex with the daughters of the guests). 

Then there’s Penny and the whole pregnancy/abortion storyline and how Robbie treats both her and Baby’s sister Lisa - spoiler alert he treats them both horribly but in different ways. The mom has almost no agency. Baby thinks she has it, but you can clearly see the difference between when she’s with her family or with fellow upper class Neil and when she’s with Johnny and Penny and Billy - she blossoms into this whole new wonderful person with new insights and opinions about the world because she’s finally seeing outside of the bubble of her family and class. 

The movie does entirely ignore race issues, which is unfortunate. But I’m also guessing that is partly due to the setting - the vacationers would all have been upper class white folk and it seems most of the staff would have been as well. The band leader is a black man, but I think that’s it? IDK if that would have been indicative of the times or not, but it seems like the movie could have figured race into things if it had wanted to. The only other way it’s mentioned is when Neil says when the summer ends, he’s going to join the freedom riders. He seems to say this in order to impress Baby, who has shown she is concerned about social justice issues. And it comes off as a sort of privileged ally-cookie-quest. If Neil’s character did care about civil rights, it was not reflected in the way he treated the lower class staff at his uncle’s resort. 

Despite this lack, however, the movie does a pretty decent job looking at this intersection of gender and class. The way Baby was raised to believe she could change the world, and that this meant she should care about everyone regardless of things like race and class - but then quickly learned that her family (particularly her father) meant she should do these things in a more dignified and distanced way. They sort of humor her ideas of joining the peace corp and studying the economics of undeveloped countries - but the idea of befriending the entertainment staff at the resort is *gasp* Scandal!! 

But because Baby believed in those ideals she was raised with, and hadn’t yet learned the reality of what her parents expected of her - she plows right in and befriends these people whose dancing skill she so admires. She falls in love with dance, and with the people themselves (*ahem* Johnny AND Penny here) and with their easy way of being with one another. 

She rushes in to help wherever and whenever she can, but is still ashamed of her association and hides it from her family. This new world she’s discovered is a sort of guilty secret, and especially so once her relationship with Johnny becomes sexual in nature (AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH AGENCY SHE HAD IN THAT FIRST SEX SCENE LIKE SHE IS JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HER, STARTS TO DANCE WITH HIM, GRABS HIS ASS, AND IS JUST LIKE - YEA BABY LET’S GO!).

So okay, she’s having teh sex and doing teh dance and making teh friends - but it’s still a secret because her family would find it shameful. Does this stop her when she finds out that Johnny is about to be blamed and fired for the theft? SHIT NO it does not! She jumps in to tell the whole world (well okay her family and the Kellerman’s and some other folks in the dining room at the time) that she slept with him that night so he couldn’t have stolen the wallet so THERE! 

And of course he gets fired anyway (I guess for defiling a rich girl? Blech.) but like. When he comes to find her and is all “nobody has ever stood up for me like that! ever!” - I die a little inside because this poor guy has been so beaten down that he doesn’t think he’s good for anything when what WE know about him is that he 1) totally stands by and protects his female bff (possible triad member???? shhh sophy we’re doing a thing here) no matter what and 2) he loves Baby so much because he sees all this good in her and he doesn’t think he deserves her but he is so proud of her and UGH 3) he stops taking the rich guy’s money to sex up his wife because Baby had finally convinced him he was better than that and 4) he works super hard all the time just to make ends meet but would Still have given Penny all his money to help her out and 5) GDI NEIL HE DOESN’T WANNA DO THE PACACHANGA!

All of this culminates when he comes back in and is all “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” - which is such an epic and cool line but is also super cheesy and a bit nonsensical??? But what he means, really, is that in that moment he sees this woman that he loves sitting quietly in the corner with her parents who are suppressing this passionate and compassionate side of her (well mostly her dad her poor mom doesn’t wtf is going on) and he knows - okay - Johnny Castle KNOWS that Fances Baby Houseman is a fucking STAR okay and he is going to show the whole world (well all of the Kellerman guests and staff anyway) what she can do! PHEW.

So like. Yea, the movie is fun as shit for a lot of reasons. But it’s also so real and vital and important for more reasons than just this one gal’s bisexual/poly pre-awakening (it took another 5-10 years to fully get it - this was the 80′s/90′s in Wisconsin alright we didn’t have the internet back then to explain our sexualities to us!)

I don’t have a nice concluding thesis for this rambly meta except to say that I hope you enjoyed it and also I once again scared the crap out of my cats by singing and dancing a lot - they think singing means I’m sad and lonely so they come to comfort me because they call out and howl when they’re sad and lonely. They are so lovely to come and comfort me but the dancing and singing combo really freaks them out like what are you Doing lady - lady we’re scared - what’s happening? Are you ill??? Should we ... how do .. do cats call 911??? 

[thebachelordiaries]

‘Real eyes...Real Lies:’ The Bachelor Hometowns Recap

Hi, this delayed blog post has big “walking into class 30 minutes late with my Starbucks giving zero fcks” energy. 

Aside from night one, the hometown date is my favorite episode to watch each season. I like seeing where these girls are from and how they grew up. Too bad all of them live in LA now and Tayshia and Cassie are actually from Southern California. The DIVERSITY!

Can we talk about Colton’s strange desire to ask every girl’s father permission to marry their daughter? Firstly, bold move, sir. Secondly, I don’t know if we’ve seen other guys on the show ask every father. Hell, Ben Higgins didn’t even ask Lauren Bushnell’s father for his permission and he knew he was picking her by week three.

But still, the episode had its entertaining parts.

Federicksburg, Virginia

Surprise, Miss North Carolina is actually from Virginia. And she also recently moved to LA, so go ahead and wrap your head around that. I’ve been to Raleigh twice five years ago. Can I be Miss North Carolina? 

Caelynn is really from Federicksburg, suburb of Washington, D.C. The town is known for its colonial and Civil War history, according to Google.

Smile, you’re on camera auditioning to be The Bachelorette.

The only endearing part of this date was Caelynn’s dad, John. Caelynn’s birth dad has never been in her life and John essentially became her dad at age four. Bless this man. 

Seeing John love Caelynn like his own daughter just really warmed my heart, and showed that there’s some men out there with pure souls....I mean there’s not a lot of them....but John proves that *SOME* exist.

After meeting her parents, Caelynn revealed to Colton that she’s in love with him while simultaneously checking off one item on her “How to become The Bachelorette” checklist. 

Things seem to be going perfectly to plan for Caelynn. Well, except for cursing like a pirate and calling Tayshia a “stupid b*tch” last episode. But Miss America First Runner Up doesn’t give up that quickly.

Birmingham, Alabama

“We’re in Birmingham, Alabama right now and I’m freaking out” - Hannah B.

Me too, Hannah. I’m not even literally there, but I’m still scared to see what the “South is all about.” Colton seemed concerned too.  

Hannah took him to an “etiquette class” where he learned how to walk with a book balancing on his head and how to properly eat a roll.

As Colton attempted to eat the roll, the etiquette women stopped him with a “Bless your heart,” which in the south means “You f*cking moron, what are you doing?” In New York we say, “Are you deadass rich now?” (I don’t say this, but I imagine some do.)

The etiquette lady then showed Colton, and the world, how we’ve been eating rolls wrong our entire lives. Are you ready to be mind fcked?

How to eat a roll like a lady:

Tear off a teeny, tiny piece of bread

Butter the small piece and put it in your mouth

Repeat this process until there is no more bread

In theory, I feel like you would actually consume more butter this way, which isn’t good for a lady’s figure, but I digress.

Then we get to meet Hannah’s friends and family.

Hannah G. is 23 and and has four friends who are all married. If I were her, I’d move to Los Angeles too.

Upon meeting Hannah’s parents, I immediately realized I am obsessed with her mom. This woman never left the ‘90s and kind of looks like Allison Janney in “I, Tonya.” In short: she’s iconic.

Those glasses are fire. I’m getting a similar pair soon.

Hannah seemed very convinced that she is going to get engaged to Colton. All we’ve really seen from Hannah on this show is that she doesn’t talk much and likes to make out with The Bachelor. I don’t doubt that she’s ready to get married, though. She is from Alabama after all.

I really like Hannah G. She is gorgeous but seems like she doesn’t let that affect her personality (I feel like a big part of Cassie’s personality is her looks), and seems like she would be friends with anyone, not just beautiful Instagram models. She truly deserves the best. Is “the best” Colton. Um....not sure. But if she wants him, girl go ahead.

Somewhere In Southern California (pt. 1)

Similar to “What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Do you think Tayshia is a thrill seeker or is she just pretending to be one for the show?

I mean the only thing that can top her and Colton’s bungee jumping date in Singapore is to go skydiving. It only makes sense. So guess what? They went skydiving. 

Poor Colton. I don’t think he’s even a fan of heights.

Tayshia warned Colton several times that her father is very “protective” of her. And, well, I expected more as he did give his blessing (after first saying “no,” but then changing his mind.) He seemed almost too reasonable. I was hoping for someone a little angrier. Someone like Matt Randolph.....

Somewhere In Southern California (pt. 2)

I’ve definitely said this before, but Cassie is the biggest Cali girl to ever be in this franchise. She lives in Huntington Beach and I doin’t expect her to ever leave. What’s it like to have no desire to leave your hometown? Can’t relate.

Cassie kept her “Cali girl” theme and took Colton surfing. For a former professional athlete, he wasn’t very athletic out in the water. He was much more impressive as a bench warmer in the NFL.

Upon entering Cassie’s home, we were greeted with several high-pitch squeals by about six blonde medically-enhanced women related to Cassie. Cassie’s dad seemed annoyed by how handsy Colton was with his daughter, who attended the BIBLE INSTITUTE of Los Angeles. I still can’t believe Cassie is that religious.

“I don’t know him, but he seemed like a....guy” - Matt Randolph with the quote of the season.

So I think I’m obsessed with Cassie’s sister. I have a strong feeling that I’m not alone in this. She has an actor boyfriend and has done modeling/small acting roles in the past. She was very pretty on “Young Once,” but now she is just so gorgeous that it doesn’t seem human. Shout out to well-done botox and fillers.

Colton was very transparent about his feelings for Cassie, and she was like “lol idk fam,” essentially giving him ZERO validation.

Anyway, nobody thinks Cassie is ready for marriage.

Other girls: Cassie isn’t ready.

Cassie’s family: Cassie isn’t ready

Colton: Are you ready?

Cassie, knowing she’s not ready: I’m ready and I’m really offended that you would think I’m not!

This seems like it will end well!

Rose Ceremony

Something interesting happened here. After Colton gave the first two roses to Tayshia and Hannah G, just Cassie and Caelynn remained. Once Cassie got the last rose, Caelynn looked to her and said “get engaged.”

This chick really thought she was competing to win another beauty pageant. I know there are mixed opinions on Caelynn, but I’m here to say she is one of the fakest contestants in recently memory. Her crying on the Women Tell All was incredibly fake and was a last-ditch attempt to become The Bachelorette. But the gag is her beauty queen enemy Hannah B. is now Bachelorette. And that folks, is how I know karma is real.

All I gotta say is Real eyes* realize Real lies**.

*Bachelor producers

**fake bitches when they see ‘em.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Schneider + the romances of Penelope Alvarez: meta ramble

So I’ve seen a lot of people discuss the ways that Schneider and Victor mirror each other in S1. And I think that in terms of major story arcs, that comparison is the most important, but we don’t talk enough about the way Schneider mirrors the best aspects of every guy Penelope goes out with.

Victor: 

likes to seem tougher than he is

believes nothing is more important than looking out for his family

except maybe his patriotic ideals

struggles with trauma and addiction

Schneider does all of the above, but in much less toxic ways. He’s a big marshmallow who wants to seem like a tough guy--except not if it means hurting people. His pride isn’t more important to him than other people’s feelings. Ever.

He would do anything for the Alvarez family, and they’re not even his. Except they are, because they mean the whole entire world to him. He’ll bust in without hesitation to protect Elena from being alone with a boy who might try to take advantage of her, he’ll have a panic attack over the slightest possibility that Alex might not be safe in his charge, and he’ll let Penelope stab him where it hurts without fighting back if he think it’s what she needs. Because they’re his family.

And unlike Victor, that’s all that he needs to know. It doesn’t matter what they’re dealing with or who they turn out to be, he’s there. Above everything else, he’s always right there. 

Victor goes back into active combat because 9/11 makes him feel like he owes it to his country, and to his daughter. I totally get that, for his character, and it helps explain him a bit better when we learn about that in S2. But he’s comfortable making that decision on everyone’s behalf, knowing the risks and knowing that he and his wife had a plan--which didn’t include him deciding to put his country and his fears for his baby’s safety ahead of everything else.

Schneider decides to become an American citizen despite benefiting greatly from being a rich Canadian living in the US...and he does so because Elena convinces him that he might risk losing them if he doesn’t. And the only moment he seems actually worried about the dangers of outing himself as undocumented is when he realizes that getting sent back to Canada would mean never seeing them again.

Victor’s family and love of America is why he does things that change his entire family’s future--without them getting a say.

Schneider’s family and love of America are completely intertwined, and it’s his love for them that motivates his best decisions--not just risky ones.

The decision to go back into the Army is what messes Victor up, with the addictions and the trauma. And his pride and need to be ‘strong’ means he refuses to face it and deal with it, because he’d rather not seem weak by admitting he has a problem or needs help or can’t fix himself on his own.

Schneider’s emotionally barren childhood and loss of what little support system he had as a young adult gave him the trauma that fed into his addictions. And while his is nothing like Victor’s, you can still see it haunts him. 

He’s desperate to give and receive love, but terrified of losing it, which leads him to bounce between ‘no strings’ relationships that don’t scare him but do hurt...and considering marriage to anybody who’ll have him, while he puts all of his love on a family that he has no actual rights to, simply because they let him.

Where Victor won’t admit his problems, Schneider goes to rehab six times. And he’s honest about how hard it is to stay sober. Where Victor insists he’s right just because he’s the dad, or the husband, Schneider will apologize when he’s called out--or correct himself. Victor isn’t willing to seem vulnerable or ‘weak’--even when he tries to win Penelope back it’s with smirking bravado and lies. Schneider is willing to rehash the most pathetic, broken parts of his own history to give Penelope courage. 

Victor was Lydia’s adored son in law for almost two decades, and when she might die he’s nowhere to be found. Schneider gives her mood lighting and tries not to cry at the thought of losing her.

Schneider doesn’t share Penelope’s culture, like Victor does...but he makes an even larger effort to try, because of his privilege. He learns Spanish, he joins in their meals and events and does his best to be a good ally. 

Max:

focuses his life on helping people

loves children and is very family focused

is willing to have a casual relationship, but really wants more than that

charms Penelope’s family, especially her mom

Again, Schneider shares all these traits, they just manifest differently.

He doesn’t need to work, but he uses his time to mentor kids, or teach exercise classes, or give his entire apartment complex the love and attention they each need. He spends his time figuring out, unasked and unpaid, just because he cares, what will make each tenant happy beyond the landlord business he’s actually called for. He doesn’t have the specific type of strength that saw Max (and Victor) through war, but he has the same drive to help others. 

Max enjoys Penelope’s kids, and has always dreamed of having a family of his own. In the one exchange we see him have with Alex at the dance, he seems pretty good with him, too.

Schneider claims he’s never really thought about kids for himself, and I think that whether he really hasn’t, or he claims he hasn’t because he already decided long ago that he’s not dad material, it’s easy to understand why he doesn’t have kids of his own. His parents growing up were completely disastrous--neglectful, distant, cruel, inconsistent. His best role models were family employees.

But whatever his thoughts on having kids of his own, he’s really good with them. He supports Elena and looks after Alex and is trusted to watch tenants’ grandbabies---a really high level of trust, especially placed in someone who can come off as careless or incompetent.

And so as a guy who has endless piles of love to give, who learned that he couldn’t expect to consistently receive it, Schneider is completely obsessed with the Alvarez family. He puts them in his art projects, he joins all their family gatherings, he tries to contribute and help out and makes them the center of his world. 

He doesn’t need to have kids, to start his own family, because he already found the one he wants. And they let him keep them.

When it comes to his relationship with Penelope, because that’s how we know him, Max is open to a casual relationship from the start, because he likes Penelope and it’s what she wants. But the moment she starts to show signs of wanting things to be more serious, he’s more than ready. It’s actually what he’s wanted all along. He also says ‘I love you’ first, and is the first to bring up kids. 

Schneider has casual relationships only, and extolls their benefits to Penelope, but like Max he’s really open to more, and trying to follow his partners’ lead. He considers marriage twice in two seasons, in one case with a woman whose name he doesn’t even know--this is a guy desperate to belong to someone. 

He tries to get more affectionate with his non-girlfriend then does his best to look like it doesn’t hurt when she rejects him. The moment she claims him as her boyfriend, in complete opposition to what they agreed their affair is, his response isn’t to try putting things back the way they were. He leaps right to a proposal, as though he was just waiting for her to decide they could be more.

Max wins Penelope’s mom over before they even admit to dating, and Lydia holds him up as the ideal specimen of a man forever after. But despite their styles being totally different, and Lydia coming to see Schneider as more of a sweet idiot who she adopted...before there was a Max to literally sweep her off her feet, Lydia was groping a shirtless Schneider and getting him to check out her ass in public. If he weren’t already family, Schneider would almost certainly win Lydia’s approval as a tall, handsome, charming guy, in spite of not being Cuban.

Ben

supports Penelope through her coming to terms with Elena’s identity

tolerates her mother’s quirky intrusion into their dates

respects Penelope’s boundaries

We have less to work with here, as Ben is only around for two episodes. But he’s the first man we see Penelope date, and it’s very telling that the basic reasons he’s appealing to her are also characteristics Schneider shares.

Because of his own experience with his brother, Ben is able to reassure Penelope that she’s still a good mom and she can love her daughter while she works out her own issues. This is how they bond, enough so that she’s actually willing to date him when she’s been hesitant thus far.

Funnily enough, though, after Elena comes out to her and she realizes she feels weird, where does she go? To Schneider, at one in the morning. Before she meet Ben and he gives her hope that things will get better, it’s Schneider who talks her through her feelings in the immediate aftermath.

Ben never makes it to the stage where he would be expected to meet Lydia. But she intrudes on their dates virtually anyway, even hijacking his phone to keep tabs on them. He is pretty cool about that, where another guy might be bothered by it. 

At the same time, Schneider’s entanglement with their family means that Lydia sometimes does the same to him, meddling with his one night stands and sussing out his potential future with a woman he’s willing to take dance tips for. He never minds even a little bit.

One of Ben’s best qualities (that we know of, anyway) before Penelope breaks up with him is his respect for her boundaries. She doesn’t have recent dating experience when they start going out, and her self-imposed rules are a little old-fashioned, but he goes with them. Even when he makes jokes about the number of dates remaining until they take things to the next level, it’s clear he’ll wait.

Schneider wanders around her apartment in a towel, agrees to play her husband at a car dealership, and intimates that he would willingly have sex with her if she wanted because he’s ‘a good friend’...but he is completely respectful of her, he never crosses any lines or even edges near them. No uninvited touches, no lewd remarks, no blatant ogling. With Penelope, he is a total gentleman.

Schneider:

is always there for not just Penelope, but both her children and her mom

is the one she trusts with secrets she won’t even tell her family or her dates

includes her in his hobbies and his relationships, and supports hers

doesn’t lie to her, or encourage anyone else to lie to her

loves her unconditionally, with no expectations or demands

TL;DR Schneider is the guy who Penelope can’t see has everything she’s looking for in a partner, because he’s already standing right there next to her.

[speakfriendaandenter]

Hey Arnold!, and why it’s still important today

Less than a year ago my fiancee and I took to rewatching Hey Arnold! for the first time in YEARS to prep for The Jungle Movie. Having been obsessed with it when I was a kid, I knew the show like the back of my hand, so I went through and made a “best of” list of episodes, and we watched those.

Aaaand immediately went back to the beginning and watched ALL of them.

AAAAND went back AGAIN because revisiting this show has been so fun for me, and it just puts me in a good, good place. Since this (eternal) marathon began, I’ve wanted to do a big ol’ overview of the show itself, and why it’s important. It’s very diverse, and from a time when that really wasn’t what kids’ shows were striving for like they are today. There are tons of characters of color, different religions, sexualities, social classes, etc, and I kind of need this show to get the love and attention it so deserves. It’s really kinda gone unloved for a long while now (which is understandable, it’s been off the air since 2002), and I just know it’d be a huge deal if more people knew/remembered how inclusive it was. I’m kicking myself for not writing this sooner, but I’m holding out hope for Nick to greenlight a new series, and my dearest wish is that I can remind people of this wonderful, thoughtful show, and get it the attention it deserves.

Hey Arnold! is FULL of amazing characters and stories, so BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP, THIS GON’ BE A LONG ONE.

| City life, poverty, & crime |

At it’s core, Hey Arnold! is a show about inner city kids, their school, and how they go about their daily lives. I did some research for this (believe it or not lmao), and besides Sesame Street, there is no other media geared toward kids that touch on this. That’s insane to me. And while Sesame Street is fantastic, it tends to steer on the positive side of city life. Which is great!! However, Hey Arnold!, being written for an older audience, isn’t afraid to show the not-so-pretty side of things as well. Violence, crime, theft, pollution, and poverty are ALL covered in more than just a few episodes. We saw a lot of this right off the bat in the first episode, “Downtown as Fruits”.

As for violence, in the episode “Mugged”, Arnold is jumped on his way home one evening, and takes self defense lessons from his Grandma.

And it’s not the last time Arnold, or other characters are mugged. It’s just something they deal with, something they have to learn to protect themselves from. And sometimes, they can’t.

They don’t shy away from poverty within the city, either. Multiple characters are shown to be very poor, and with the exception of two episodes in the whole series (Lila in her debut episode, “Ms. Perfect”, and Sid when he wants to impress a rich classmate and is too embarrassed to have him over at his own home, “Arnold’s Room”), it’s never really shown as a bad thing, or even as a defining character trait. It just is.

Even our title character lives in a boarding house run by his grandparents, inhabited by tenants of very little means. The building itself is always needing repairs, the tenants almost never have their rent on time, and they really don’t shy away from how dingy some of the rooms are there (pictured above, bottom left).

But again, all of this just is. It’s never portrayed as a bad thing, and none of the kids care much about it. Of course there’s Rhonda, the snooty, rich girl stereotype, but even she has a handful of episodes where she grows as a character and is repeatedly called out for having a classist attitude. In the end, all of these kids care about each other and never give a second’s thought to each others’ social class.

| Diversity & inclusiveness |

I’m putting the rest under a read more cut so no one murders me for clogging up their dashboards :’)

One of the most wonderful things about this show is how diverse the cast of characters is. Especially being that in the 90′s, it wasn’t something shows were expected to have, but they did it here anyway.

Our primary character of color is, of course, Gerald Johanssen, Arnold’s best friend and all-around cool dude. He’s the star of a good amount of episodes, and even when one focuses on Arnold, he’s almost always right there next to him. With Gerald comes his family as well, consisting of a little sister, older brother, his mom who cashiers at a corner store, and his father who’s a businessman and Vietnam veteran, ALL OF WHOM have distinct personalities and stories, and the lot of them are portrayed just like any other family on tv.

Next would be Phoebe Heyerdahl, the soft-spoken smartest girl in class, and Helga’s best friend. She’s half Japanese on her father’s side, and if you pay attention, her and Gerald have a thing going on, which is sO freaking cute.

Phoebe is also super important because she’s the only person in the show who really knows and understands Helga. She’s always there to support her, listen to her, and guide her when she can. However, Phoebe does have a handful of episodes to herself, and we even touch on how being the over-achiever in class isn’t always a good thing, and can be damaging to children if they feel like they need to be the best. It’s a super important lesson for kids to learn.

If I gave a paragraph to EVERY single character of color in this show we’d literally be here all day, so I’m gonna finish off with my personal favorite, Mr. Hyunh. A middle-aged Vietnamese man who resides in Arnold’s boarding house, Mr. Hyunh is one of the best adult characters in the show. In fact, one of the. single. best. episodes of the entire show, “Arnold’s Christmas” revolves entirely around him, and how he was separated from his only daughter during the Vietnam War. Holy shit, right? I could go on and on about that episode on its own (there’s a reason why it’s one of the most well known episodes), but I’ll put a cap on it there. Mr. Hyunh has the starring role in a number of other episodes, and he’s always great. He’s funny, cares deeply about Arnold and the other boarders, and is genuinely happy where he is.

But do we stop at diversity where race is concerned? NOPE. This is a show for literally everyone. Gosh, it’s hard just to even figure out where to start.

How about Harold? He’s not only Jewish, but there’s an entire episode it,  (”Harold’s Bar Mitzvah”), and he’s shown to be very close with his mentor, Rabbi Goldberg.

We have three characters with dwarfism. Ernie Potts, a boarder at the Sunset Arms, and Big Patty’s mother and father. How freaking cool, right? Patty’s parents are scarce in the show, unfortunately, but are extremely caring and supportive of their daughter. And yet again, it’s never brought up, it’s not a defining trait, it’s not a big deal. They’re just regular people.

As far as LGBTQ representation, a little while after the show was cancelled, show creator Craig Bartlett revealed that the kids’ school teacher, Mr. Simmons, is gay. In “Arnold’s Thanksgiving”, we see his partner, Peter, and we see the two of them together in “The Jungle Movie” as well. And, though not explicitly shown onscreen, Craig has said that Eugene Horowitz, an overly optimistic classmate of Arnold’s, is gay as well.

| Helga Pataki, abusive households & mental health |

You may have noticed that I’ve gone this entire thing without breaking down sobbing about Helga. Ohh, don’t you worry, we’re almost there!

I could be wrong, but I think one of the most well remembered aspects of this show, even by people who haven’t seen it in years, is that Helga’s family is really messed up. Her mother, Miriam, is always passed out drunk on the kitchen counter or behind the sofa, and her father, Big Bob, is always calling her by the wrong name and forgets she even exists most of the time. Then of course there’s Olga, her “perfect” older sister who means well, and cares about Helga more than their parents do, but ultimately cares more about her self image.

Sure, each of them get a few episodes where they get called out on their behavior and they (kinda) redeem themselves, but at the end of the day, they’re always right back at it. If I had a talent for it, I could SERIOUSLY write an entire thesis on Helga’s family’s dynamic in this show, but I’m going to (try to) keep it brief.

The Pataki household is a very real, very poignant depiction of emotional and mental abuse that we just do not see in cartoons, or anything geared towards a younger audience. Like I said, we have the odd episode or two where Helga will bond with one or both of her parents or her sister, but things never truly “get better”. Given the significant age gap between her and Olga (who’s in college while Helga is in the 4th grade), it’s suggested that Helga was probably an accident, and the catalyst of her parents’ unhappiness. In “Magic Show”, Helga goes through an “It’s A Wonderful Life”-type dream sequence, but backwards. Arnold makes her disappear forever in a magic trick, and the entire world is better off without her, including her parents, who are happy, fulfilled, and affectionate with each other. IT’S REALLY MESSED UP, GUYS.

And this, ALL of this, is one of two reasons why her crush on Arnold works. In a lesser show, Helga’s obsession with Arnold would be creepy, and her dependence on him would be a weakness to her character. However, we eventually find out that where her family failed her at every turn, Arnold was the first one to not only notice her, but show her kindness.

And in the end, no matter how much she teases him and bugs the shit out of him (which are just defense mechanisms to begin with), she always, always puts him first. Every single chance she gets, she does the right thing for him.  Helga’s feelings for Arnold work so well because she truly cares for him. Of course her closet shrine and dozens of books of poetry are over the top, but so is Helga. She’s loud, abrasive, crude, but above all else, she’s fiercely loyal, passionate, and intelligent. And, more than anything, she just wants Arnold to be happy. That’s real love, folks.

My personal favorite episode of the entire show is “Helga On the Couch”, where Helga goes to see a psychologist due to her abrasive behavior. This episode is so so so important, you guys. It was really the first piece of media I saw as a kid that not only explained what therapy even was, but painted it in an extremely positive light. At first, Helga is mortified to have to go, and her parents don’t help the situation at all. Not only do they disapprove, but Big Bob is angry with her for being selected for therapy. He says that it’s embarrassing, and actually warns Helga not to tell the psychologist anything that might out them as abusive.

However, Phoebe assures Helga that therapy is not only good, but perfectly normal, even for kids their age.

And throughout the session, Helga opens up about her family, why she’s so defensive, how she feels about Arnold and why, and feels so much better at the end of the episode. I hate that the show had to end after this season because I would die for more episodes about Helga and her sessions with Dr. Bliss.

Not to mention we get one of the best bits of dialogue in the entire series omfg:

Again, this is SUPER IMPORTANT for kids to see. This episode told us that mental health is JUST as crucial as physical health, and took every bad opinion about therapy and stuck a boot in its ass. It’s GOOD, it’s NORMAL. I can’t say enough about how much this episode meant to me as a kid, and still means to me today.

I seriously have to stop myself from going on for 500 years about Helga and why she’s not only the best character on the show by a fuckin’ landslide, but one of the THE best female characters in anything. Ever. I think I’m going to put a pin in that, and hopefully get to writing a post just about her. The point is, she is an exceptionally written character, and super important for kids to see, to be able to relate to. She’s heavily flawed, but is infinitely loyal for those she cares about. She’s extremely complex, hilarious, interesting, and deeply sympathetic. I LOVE HELGA PATAKI SO MUCH DON’T TOUCH ME, GOD. 

| Criticisms & wrap-up |

I’m gonna try and end this here before it turns into a novel, but there is still SO MUCH going on in this show that I could talk about. If anyone wants to add to this post, please do!! I honestly just need to end this sometime lmaoo.

Now, the show isn’t perfect. Rewatching it in our current social climate turned up a (notedly small) few problematic things. Mostly fat jokes about Harold, and some of the boys will tease the girls, saying they can’t do certain things bc they’re girls, etc. Normally these are small, throwaway lines, but they’re still there, and stand out nowadays. Just a warning! 

The only other criticism I have for the show as a whole is actually the entire plot line with Arnold’s parents, “The Journal”, and most of “The Jungle Movie”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy it, I think there’s enough heart and depth to make up for, well, how fuckin’ silly it is, but it’s still just that. Silly. This show that spent five full seasons in an urban setting, dealing with very real characters and situations, suddenly veered off into heavy fantasy. It’s jarring, and a little weird. We find out not only that Arnold’s parents were basically Indiana Jones and Lara Croft, but also Arnold was a miracle baby whos birth silenced an erupting volcano, and now he’s seen as some “chosen one” to entire tribe of people living in the jungles of South America.

LMAO WHAT.

No, it’s kind of insane. I think I personally don’t mind it so much because I have a lasting fondness for it from when I was a kid, and like I said, it does have a lot of heart behind it, but it’s very apparent as an adult how ridiculous it is. However, in the show’s defense, its always had episodes about ghosts and all matter of supernatural creatures that just exist and are real in this universe, so it’s not totally out of left field. It’s just odd to have it at the forefront, and I can understand if people don’t care for it.

BUT! The show, at its heart, has always been about kids, their families, and the city they live in. I know if the show was brought back, that’s what they’d get back to.

Also, it’s kind of hilarious if you think about it this way; Arnold is BASICALLY a magical girl who’s super power is solving everyone else’s problems. That’s the show.

And holy cow, speaking of Arnold, I haven’t talked about him at all. SHIT. UH, real quick. Arnold is a good, good, good, gOOD, GOOD BOY. To be extremely honest, Arnold would be boring as hell in a lesser show. He really doesn’t have many flaws, he’s always doing The Right Thing(TM), he’s always optimistic... you get it. But somehow, miraculously, he’s still interesting and fun to watch. He’s just so goddamn good. Like, cinnamon roll levels of good. And he does fuck up once in a great while, but of course, learns from it. He’s definitely your standard male, pre-teen, main character in a world where we have way too many of those, but he’s just so pure that you can’t help but love him.

He honestly works best as a counterpart to Helga, which we tragically get so little of in the show (and why we need a new series dear god Nickelodeon PLEASE), but that’s a whoooole other post for me to write. 

Goddamn okay, I’m wrapping it up. If you haven’t noticed by now, this show means a lot to me. It really touched me as a kid, it was my first fandom before I even knew what fandom was, and revisiting it has been so fun. It’s honestly been helping me get through an extremely rough patch in my life right now. The show more holds up after all these years, and I think it’s even more important now than it ever was. We need more shows like this. 

If you’re interested, the entire series is on Hulu! 

[aion-rsa]

The Watch Controversy Explained: How Different is the Show From Discworld?

https://ift.tt/355lRyx

This article has been kept as spoiler-free as possible, but since it discusses differences between the Discworld books and The Watch TV show, there will be discussion of changes to characters and setting, and some vague allusions to plot.

Let’s say one thing first and foremost: if you’ve never read any of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books, and you like quirky, funny SFF television, you’ll probably enjoy BBC America’s new show The Watch. It’s genuinely funny, well-acted, and well-made, even if it does have an obviously-television-sized CGI budget.

Here’s the problem though: if you are a fan of Pratchett’s Discworld books, on which the show is (very loosely) based, you’ll spend most of your first watch-through scratching your head in confusion.

The level of controversy around this new adaptation is unusual. Any book to screen adaptation always involves a certain amount of changes to the source material, because that’s simply in the nature of shifting something to a different medium. There will always be some fans who disapprove of any changes whatsoever, but the majority will generally grumble about a few irritations but enjoy the show anyway, and accept it as a new version of the story.

The controversy around The Watch, however, goes far further than a few fans grumbling because Glorfindel has been replaced with Arwen and Tom Bombadil has been cut. The series hasn’t even been released yet, but reactions of shock and surprise have followed the trailers, as a result of the sheer scale of the changes made to Pratchett’s world. Pratchett’s daughter Rhianna diplomatically summed up the situation on Twitter as, “it’s fairly obvious that The Watch shares no DNA with my father’s Watch. This is neither criticism nor support. It is what it is.”

Now that the first few episodes have been released to the press, there’s a bit more opportunity to survey just how substantial the changes are. Are they really that extensive? Well, yes and no. But mostly yes.

First of all, the series is not adapting the plot of any specific Watch novel, but taking elements from at least two of them (Guards! Guards! and Night Watch) and creating a new plot arc. This is a fairly sensible idea, in itself – there’s a case to be made for a series that tells a broad range of stories, with plots based on the novels. This also allows the setting to reflect some of the later additions to the city of Ankh-Morpork.

However, the plots of the two novels being used are not only fused together, they are substantially changed (Vimes and bad guy Carcer Dun now grew up together in an orphanage, for example, and sadly it is no longer the secretive Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night trying to summon a dragon). Some of the new elements added, including substantial references to Arthurian legend not present in the books, are also rather odd, leaving the viewer who knows the Discworld wondering just what’s going on here.

Character-wise, there’s at least one character that could almost have leaped from the pages of the book. New recruit Carrot Ironfoundersson is by far the closest to his book counterpart in the series, although possibly the explanation that his name refers to his tapering body rather than his red hair should have been left out, since actor Adam Hugill is tall but not especially muscular. Whether his backstory will also be the same, only time will tell.

Other characters clearly have bits of their original DNA in them. Vimes is reasonably close to his book counterpart, though the decision to have all the actors use their own natural accents does mean that people who grew up together have somehow managed to develop entirely different regional accents. The Samuel Vimes ‘Boots’ theory of socio-economic unfairness is one of Pratchett’s best bits of socially conscious satire and is reproduced more or less in full, which is nice.

Lady Sybil Ramkin is an interesting case. Her general characterization has echoes of her book counterpart, but instead of being a somewhat reclusive upper class animal enthusiast, she’s now a weapon-wielding vigilante who has been given a tragic backstory and is considerably more of an action heroine than in the novels. Actress Lara Rossi also has a slim figure and is fairly young, as opposed to her book counterpart’s bigger curves and middle age, and she has lost some of her more deep-seated inhibitions (though her hair is still a wig, we’re glad to say). Still, her general attitude is not a million miles away from the Sybil books fans know, her sheer upper class confidence shining through in a familiar way.

Read more

Books

Terry Pratchett’s Discworld: Revisiting the Sky Adaptations

By Andrew Blair

Books

Terry Pratchett’s Influence On the Good Omens TV Show

By Kayti Burt

Some of the changes made to the book characters’ physical descriptions help to diversify the cast. Pratchett’s Discworld is a bit dominated by white male characters, so it’s not surprising that a couple of characters have been gender-flipped, in addition to the show casting racially diverse actors. The gender-flipping of Lord Vetinari might reasonably result in some fan disappointment as he is described so vividly in the books and readers might have a very clear mental image of him. But overall, changes to race or gender are usually not insurmountable for fans, and there are good reasons for those changes.

So far, then, all of this sounds like the sort of changes that might be expected from a novel to screen adaptation. There are adaptations that might stick more closely to their originals, but this would be nothing out of the ordinary.

But there’s more.

The character changes go on and on – Angua is officially still the same species, but her often-described long flowing hair is absent and she is physically tiny. The nature of her species has also changed substantially, following a more common and angst-filled recent template seen in many other shows, rather than Pratchett’s more complex depiction (Angua’s feelings about her family and nature being a major theme of The Fifth Elephant).

Angua is at least still the same basic species though, unlike her colleague Cheery Littlebottom. In the books, Cheery is a dwarf, but in the show, they are a human. The motivation for this change may have been well intentioned. Discworld dwarfs all identify as male, whether they are biologically male or female, and those who are biologically female have secondary masculine characteristics like facial hair and so on. Cheery goes against dwarf convention by openly identifying as female, wearing skirts and high heels and make-up and using feminine pronouns, eventually changing her name to Cheri. So she is, essentially, transgender, except in a fantasy way that doesn’t exactly map on to any real life situations. This is very characteristic of the 1990s tendency to address LGBTQ+ issues through fantasy and science fiction ideas rather than directly (see also some of Star Trek’s Trill episodes).

It’s possible that the decision to make Cheery a human, played by non-binary actor Jo Eaton-Kent, rather than a fantasy metaphor, came from a desire not to offend anyone by hiding behind fantasy tropes, combined with a desire to cast a non-binary actor in the role (the number of non-binary available actors with dwarfism being, presumably, quite low). 

However, this does have the side effect of substantially changing Cheery’s character. Cheery/Cheri clearly identifies as female – Cheery in the show appears to be a transgender woman, as the first episode has them clearly state a preference for feminine pronouns, but the show’s publicity states that Cheery is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns. They are no longer agitating for change among their own particular community (of dwarfs), nor do they have any regular dwarf characteristics (love of bread, etc.). Cheery in the books continues to sport a full beard because she is a dwarf and its culturally significant to her, while Cheery in the series is horrified by the thought of a beard, so their non-binary gender identity has also subtly shifted.

All in all, the change probably comes from a good place, but it is somewhat distracting for book fans, who may see little connection between the two versions of the character. The series also doesn’t include a single dwarf character, which is very odd – in addition to Cheery, there are several dwarf Watchmen in the books, most prominently Lance-Constable Cuddy, who could have been included in the series (Warwick Davis would have made a great Cuddy).

Also missing in action are two of the main characters from the Watch, Sergeant Colon and Corporal ‘Nobby’ Nobbs. Perhaps this exclusion sums up the way the series simply doesn’t seem to represent or “get” Pratchett’s Watch in any meaningful way. Unlike the new television characters, Colon and Nobby are not action heroes. They are heroes of another kind, and they carry out acts of bravery in different ways, whether by shooting at a dragon, going undercover dressed as washerwomen, or just providing Vimes with the right information at the right time. While they represent some of the worst the Watch has to offer – racism, or rather speciesism, and corruption – they are also a handy reminder of the Night Watch’s humble origins, and a rich source of comic relief (fulfilling pretty much the same role as Hitchcock and Scully in Brooklyn Nine Nine). The Watch without them is incomplete.

Even more distracting than the character changes are the widespread changes to the setting. The Assassins’ Guild’s form, style and function are quite different to the books’ version. Ankh-Morpork also appears to be situated in the middle of a desert, which is distinctly not the case in the novels. Pratchett’s city is a blend of London, New York City, and Rome, and is surrounded by the fertile Sto Plains, and in Jingo, our heroes travel to a desert country, where the culture is markedly different from their own. We can only assume that this was a budgetary decision. The series was filmed in South Africa, so the desert sequences are a combination of location filming and CGI, and presumably much cheaper than trying to recreate a European plain.

Most distractingly of all, however, the series seems to have moved into a sort of blend of science fiction and urban fantasy. Each episode opens with the text ‘Somewhere in a distant secondhand dimension’, suggesting science fiction, while set and costume design have an urban, contemporary look, with electronic devices and lighting readily available, characters wearing bomber jackets, and elements of modern culture, including punk rock and old people’s homes.

This is a problem because the Discworld started out as spoofs of sword ‘n’ sorcery paperback fantasy books. The stories were deliberately set in a very familiar High Fantasy-style pseudo-medieval world, and a world which remained stubbornly pseudo-medieval for a long time despite occasional invasions of rock music, moving pictures, and shopping malls. 

There were always odd bits of magically-driven technology in the Discworld, like cameras (with images painted very quickly by imps) and dis-organizers (also driven by imps). Towards the later parts of the series the world did start to evolve into something a little bit more early modern, with the permanent introduction of clacks machines (for sending telegrams), printing presses and even, in the penultimate book, steam trains. The first Watch book Guards! Guards! even includes, as the series does, a brightly lit neon sign – but it is clearly stated to be a magical item. So there is some precedent for the style of the TV series, but the extent of the punk rock aesthetic it adopts is surprising.

Discworld is not the only property to be radically reimagined for television. Other adaptations have taken a fair few liberties too, and some have even undergone the same sort of radical re-tooling as the Discworld has here. For example, Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories have been reimagined in similarly extreme ways, including updating the setting, and gender-flipping Holmes’ sidekick Watson.

But the Sherlock Holmes stories have been adapted many, many times in different ways over the years. Adaptations that follow the books more closely are easily available, so there’s more appetite for something new and different. The original stories also, importantly, weren’t period pieces when they were written – they were contemporary detective stories. There’s a certain logic, then, to updating the setting and creating a new, contemporary, crime story rather than a period drama.

But the Discworld is a created secondary world, and a fairly recent one (the books were published 1983-2015). There have been a handful of screen versions, both live action and animated, but none of the Watch books. There seems no pressing reason to reimagine it in this way.

The truth is, to get fans excited about a book to screen adaptation, you have to show them something that feels like it’s leapt off the page. The Lord of the Rings film adaptations and the early seasons of Game of Thrones, for example, both made changes to the source material, but when you looked at a few minutes’ footage, you could tell which character was which and they felt recognizable. This doesn’t mean they have to be exactly like their book counterpart – Frodo was 50 years old in the book, whereas Elijah Wood wasn’t even 20 when he started filming. But when fans watched the first trailer for The Fellowship of the Ring, all those years ago, they could pinpoint exactly which character was which from a few seconds’ footage, and were (mostly) overjoyed to see the characters they loved come to life.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Ultimately, the issue with the series is this: if you changed the names, it would not be recognizable as an adaptation of Pratchett’s Discworld stories. For anyone who hasn’t read the books, this is no problem – but it’s a strange decision, for fans of the books will have little incentive to watch something that takes the names of beloved characters, but doesn’t include anything recognizably adapting the stories they love. In the end, if the resemblance between books and series becomes so slim you can barely see the relationship between them, you’re no longer watching an adaptation, but a new series that’s pinched some beloved characters’ names.

The Watch premieres Saturday, Jan. 3 at 8 p.m. ET on BBC America.

The post The Watch Controversy Explained: How Different is the Show From Discworld? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3rJMUJk

[asteriwish-blog]

Chapter 1- New Life, new me

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl. She was the only daughter and the youngest of the royal family. Everyone knew who she was, she was a cheerful girl as bright as sunshine. Everyone remembered her as the girl with eyes, one green and another blue. Her silver and golden smooth hair were extraordinary.

The kingdom, Zeleria is a very peaceful country, with no problems with trading and investments with other countries. The royal family was loved by many people as the king who is the sun king, brought faith and hope to the kingdom and the queen who is the moon queen, lead the kingdom with the king with wisdom and tranquility.

As much as the royal family is loved, there are a few rebellions in the kingdoms. Those who rebel thinks that the sun and moon cannot be together as both are from different worlds. One night, The kingdom was under attacked. The king told the guards to protect the princess, but then, she vanished. Up till now, the guards couldn’t find her. In order for the people of Zeleria remember the princess who smiles with light and beauty that shines like the moon, the king placed a glass statue of his daughter,  in every town.

Sun is shining brightly, as the breeze blows through the buildings. It’s the start of school which means that spring is coming. The chilly wind passes the cheeks of arethea.

Arethea: (running) huff puff

Arethea: I’m going to be late!!!!

(gate is closing)

Student leaders: hurry!!

arethea : (dashed)

Arethea: phew made it...

Arethea: oops! (bumped to Olivia)

Arethea: oh my! Are you okay??

The person arethea bumped is someone that she should not mess with. The arrogant, egoistic student whose hair is slick black, sun-kissed skin, with agate black shade eyes, was hit, turned around to face arethea and flared at her prey.

Olivia grabbed Arethea by her collar.

Olivia: how dare you hit the one and only glamourous Olivia??

Olivia looked down at her clothes and saw something that displeased her.O

Olivia: look at my skirt, it’s torn!! Now, they looked like rags!! You better pay for this!

Nixa: well at least, it didn’t cut your face.

Olivia seemed shocked and stunned when arethea talked back to her.

Olivia screamed at arethea, who didn’t know her place.

No one dared to make a sound or try to interfere. Footsteps are heard, and the crowd suddenly screamed. The reason for the sudden noise is the sudden approach of a 155 centimeters tall girl and a 182 centimeters tall boy walked side by side.

Kran: well what’s the ruckus is about?

Nixa: hmm.. Predator trying to get a grip of her prey and it seems like the armor of the predator is broken.

Olivia: look here! my clothes are ruined…

Nixa: well I think that is not such a big issue here.

Kran: rich kids...

Olivia: you guys are rich too!!!

kran: anyway, there is no need for a huge commotion, go now people..

(crowd disperse)

Arethea: I better get going as well...

Arethea greeted herself at the staffroom, and the teacher leads her to the respective classroom she will be in. the teacher told Arethea to wait outside of the classroom as he would introduce her to come in the classroom.

Mr. Eric: Well it is nice to see you once again, school starts mean that studying must go on. Things would be tougher this year, you will face new encounters and we have a newcomer who is joining our class. Please come in!

Arethea enters the room and everyone was excited. The boys were excited that there is a new girl joining in the class and the girls were happy to make a new friend. The teacher silenced the class and told them to leave burning questions for later.

Mr. Eric: It’s already half of the year and many of the topics are already taught so if you have a problem, especially in studies, you can approach me anytime! Now, you would seat near the window, the second last seat from the back.

The bell rang, it was in a bird whistle, chirpy and very cheerful notes rang all about the whole school.

Mr. Eric: idols? Time for you to get going.

Leo: Yeah… see you guys later.

Arethea’s mind: idols?

Students: girls(screaming), boys (i hope it would be a girl this time)

Teachers: and guys! I need all of you In two roles to go to the assembly hall now!!

Students: (shriek) yes sir!!

In the assembly hall, everyone was already very excited. Arethea was wondering what the assembly was about.

Arethea: idols? This school has a system of idols?

A old man, dressed with class walked up to the stage with his golden walking stick, greeted the school

principal: greetings my dear students!!

The whole school greeted him unanimously.

Principal: now i know what are you guys anxious for, who will be the next school flower idol?

I know that you are all excited but first, idols?

The back door of the hall opened and light flashes towards the three people. Arethea recognised the two people which are 5.1 foot tall girl and a 6 feet tall boy, but there seems to be another which is 5.8 feet tall. The three idols walked up to the stage and bowed to the audience.

The whole school cheered and screamed at their arrival. The spotlight shined at them, making them very classy and very beautiful.

Principal: hush now.. May we present the represented flowers to the flower idols?

Different flower crowns are presented to each of the idols respectively. The flowers seemed like they are glowing which makes them more sparkling. The principal introduces them, name and the flower they represent as.

Principal: nixa, idol of positivity, dandelion.

              Kran, idol of bravery and pride, yellow tulip.

              Leo, idol of wisdom, iris.

              And now, the new idol, arethea

Arethea: me?(walks out)

Principal: Arethea, the idol of encouragement, the flower of heather.

The student whispered and clapped as arethea walked up to the stage awkwardly. The principal placed the flower crown on arethea’s head and arethea stands beside Nixa.

Arethea whispered: erm.. Why are the audience whispering?

Nixa whispered back: well it’s because of you are the idol of encouragement. Your flower crown, has both lavender and white heather, lavender heather means admirations and white heather means protection. It is one of the rarest title of an idol and no one can achieve it easily.

Kran: I hope to work well with you!!

Arethea: ah you too…

Arethea’s mind: such prestigious title..

Suddenly, a female student stands up and flared up her complaints. It was the girl who arethea accidently tore her skirt.

Olivia: she??!! The one who just transferred yesterday?? Just because she has a pleasant face, what makes her an idol?? She should not be the one to be the new idol!! I can be!

Olivia was about to come out to stage. Leo picked up the mic and was about to calm her down.

Leo: Olivia..woah!

Leo was about to trip before he could finish his sentence. Arethea managed to grab a hold of his hand

Leo suddenly saw a white-haired, blue and green eyes girl reaching out her hand, trying to save him. What was in front of his was the girl with black hair, and black eyes, Arethea.

Arethea: are you okay??

Leo nods and blanked out for a moment.

Arethea snatches the mic: your name is olivia right? I do not know why i was selected as an idol or given such a prestigious role either. I know I have just transferred yesterday, but can I give it a try? (charmed the school) I might not be perfect but at least I can try.. Please give me this chance! (bows to the school)

The school appluad and screamed out loud, saying: “yes!”, “you can do it!!” etc.  

The idols seemed shocked when arethea snatched leo’s mic then, but no one seems as surprised as olivia. Olivia sits down and sulks.

The assembly was over and students are dismissed back to class to begin their lessons.

The first lesson was math. During the lesson, arethea was distracted.

arethea thoughts: me? A school idol? an idol of encouragement?

Nixa turns around: I never thought that there would be someone who would make olivia keep quiet.

Kran: me too!

Leo tapped arethea’s shoulder, and blushes a little: thanks.. For just now..

Arethea: no problem?

Nixa and kran whispers to each other: woah woah.. Leo gets embarassed.. How long didn’t we see that?

Teacher: okay.. Now a pop quiz!

Everyone whined unanimously, the teacher ignored their whines.

Teacher: Question 1...

(After the quiz)

Nixa: man, that was difficult...

Kran chuckled: It’s always difficult for you

Nixa: well do you think you can defeat our king again?

Arethea: king?

Nixa: look at the time! The queue will be long, hurry! I’ll explain later.

It was recess and many students rushed to the cafeteria. The three of the idols, arethea, kran, and Nixa rushed to get their food

Nixa: phew! We are lucky!

The three idols sit together on the bench and gulped down their food.

Arethea: continuing from just now, who is the “king” that you said about defeating?

Kran: that would be him, (points at Leo)

leo: were you guys talking about me?

Arethea: so you are the king? King of?

kran: king of the smarts.

Nixa talks while counting her fingers: well he is king in other factors as well. Everyone calls him the king of looks as well. He is like the prince in this school.

girls from the same class, walked past and screamed: the iris king!! Yellow tulip prince and dandelion fairy!!

Arethea: well looks like you guys are really idols.

Nixa: trust me, you will be too!

After recess, the students continued their day with more studying. The school was different for arethea as this school that she goes to has an idol system which was different from many schools she went. School ended and everyone leaves the school. Arethea said goodbye to her friends as she needs to go home quickly to help her dad.

Arethea reached home during the evening.

Arethea: I’m home!

After eating dinner, she helped her dad, Adam to move a few things around the house and a shower, arethea lied on her bed. Arethea sighed.

Arethea: ahh..home, first day of school is over and there is no homework….

Arethea stared at her necklace that she always wears it since her childhood. It sparkles with the silver and golden rings over each other, centering a gem that has both emerald and deep blue sapphire . arethea closed her eyes for a while. 10 minutes later, arethea saw a moon and sun painting on a ceiling. She suddenly saw a brightly coloured castle that at the front of the castle, there is a marble bridge that shines rainbows of colours and saw a statue, that shimmers like a diamond.

Arethea woke up and suddenly heard a doorbell.

Arethea: huh?

Arethea came out of her room and came downstairs to the living room, where her dad was sitting on his favorite couch reading some newspapers

Arethea: dad? Did you hear that?

Arethea’s dad seemed distracted so arethea guessed that he couldn’t hear it. Arethea anxiously opened the door. Who could it be, late at night, at the door?

Arethea: who’s there!?

[thorndale-industries]

The Illuminati in the World of  Deus Ex

Since it seems that most people here on Tumblr only played the Adam-centric games of the series, I decided to write a little post about the Illuminati, its structure and key-members. This post is more like a little overview for you guys, since  HR/MD only offer little info about them, and I won’t go very deep into detail. (Edit to myself: I lied.)

Officially, the Illumanti were founded by Adam Weishaupt in 1776, his goal was to create a new society, a “New Order” that is lead by individuals that are called “The Enlightened” (Illuminati is the plural of the Latin word Illuminatus, meaning  “enlightened”). This might be a reference to either Plato’s concept of the “Just State”, a society that is ruled by all knowing “Philosopher Kings” who were born to full-fill this rule and reign over the others. Another possible reference might be Thomas Hobbes’ theory of the Leviathan, a state that is ruled by a chosen “Sovereign” that can be either a single individual or a group of people acting as one where the rest of the citizens have no rights.

Those Individuals are defined as perfect beings, ahead of the rest of humanity and are in harmony with mind and body. To achieve this, there are certain requirements to be chosen as a suitable initiate, and every member has to go through certain ranks involving taking certain classes and undergoing tests. There is not much known about this besides the few references Stanton Dowd makes in Deus Ex 1, saying Bob Page never made it past the rank of “Master of Tyre” since did not participate in mandatory yoga lessons. In additions to this he mentions a special form of meditation that should lift the spirit and mind to a higher level.  

Furthermore, although the official foundation is dated to 1776, many patters and structures can be traced back to the Knight Templar during the Crusades (also stated by Dowd). So over the time, the Illuminati also “adopted” several other orders/organizations to their cause, utilizing them for special tasks. Besides the Templars, who function as the Order’s financial arm since they control most of the banks around the world, they also incorporated Majestic 12 in 1969, after the USAF closed down Project Blue Book and the organization was shut down as well. Since then, MJ12 operates as the Illumianti’s scientific and militaristic arm.

In general, you can say that the Illuminati don’t know any restrictions when it comes to achieving their goal, they are all about control, but ultimately they do one thing: They influence, they direct, they never act out directly and they think in very long term plans. They have boxes stacked into boxes, a machinery that works for them while keeping the puppet-masters in the shadows. They are not just a group of “evil rich people wanting to dominate the world”, they do not just simply beat up or kill people just because they want to. Everything they do is for the greater cause, and they don’t like loose ends. When someone is in their way, they make sure to completely destroy this person forever. Either through assassination (and they don’t back off from killing members of the Order for “The Greater Plan” as they wanted to assassinate Taggart to further fuel the Anti-Aug Debate) or through complete destruction of  one’s existence. They would never just leave a “warning” or harm someone out of fun or cruelty. The Illuminati are, in their core, completely finalistic and dedicated to their cause.

Now, after the fundamentals are clear, let’s take a short look at the members of the Council of Five, the ruling top with the highest ranked members of the order. The Philosophers Kings or the Sovereigns, if you want to see them that way.

Lucius DeBeers is the head of the Order, the only with the highest rank, the “Supreme Enlightened”. His background and true age are unknown since he keeps himself artificially alive, but it’s known he was already in charge back in the 1960s, as he ordered the assassination of John F. Kennedy in 1963. So pretty much everything we know about the actions of the Illuminati can be traced back to him. It’s clear that he seems to be obsessed with power, he refuses to give up his position as leader to his protége Morgan Everett and seeks a way to achieve immortality. He seems himself as the perfect being Weishaupt was talking about. In 2052, he is in a somewhat frozen state to halt his ageing, but he is still kept conscious to able to advice Everett who assumed the position of the Leader after Lucius was put into this state. 

Morgan Everett is the Second-In-Command and leader of Majestic 12. It is implied that he was born into the Illuminati, as he states he had close ties to the Templars in his childhood, saying “I once knelt in this chapel for communion, with two Rockefellers and a Rothschild. Since the time of the Crusades every leader in finance has prayed for the continued stability of Templar banks, founded on gold.”. During the events of Human Revolution and Mankind Divided, he is the CEO of the Picus Group, and thereby controlling the world’s media and news. He did not found it, it was Sir Martin Darrow (Hugh Darrow’s father) in 1985 -  it is unknown how Everett got into this position and what happened to Martin. Furthermore, Everett is in charge of various AI projects involving E.L.I.Z.A. and Morpheus (referred to as “M Initiative” in HR & MD)  together with his protégé Bob Page to control and monitor the public. In 2052, he took up the position as the Supreme Enlightened and controls the remnants of the Order after MJ12 nearly destroyed them during the 2030s. Although he is the acting leader, he keeps his former mentor in a state that allows him to still give advice and actively lying about the fact that Lucius could “be brought back to live” and using him as a tool. It is assumed that Morgan grew bitter about Lucius withholding him the possibility of becoming the Supreme Enlightened and now abuses his power over him. 

Stanton Dowd is the leader of the Knights Templar in 2029 and in control of most of the Illuminati’s finances and the world’s banks and therefore putting financial pressure on opposing parties. Although the Templar’s base is located in Paris, it is stated that Dowd is unable to leave New York City due to unknown reasons. According to Deus Ex 1, he was also born into the Order as his family had ties for generations. Little is known about the man, but it’s implied that he is a rather traditional man since he is the only one ever talking about the existing ranks and rituals and around the events of Mankind Divided, he led the Templar to a very powerful and controlling position. This concerns Beth DuClare who states she had to leave her home-town Paris because “Dowd’s Templar minions are the reason I stay away from Paris these days. I smell them on everything when I go back to the château. They act like they own  the city.” (quote from Black Light) and leading to the suspicion Dowd might try to overthrow Lucius and take over himself.  In 2052 Stanton is a poor man after MJ12 taking over the Knight Templars and destroying his finances and he is infected with the Grey Death. Besides his knowledge, he has nothing and is forced into hiding - powerless and defenceless.

Elizabeth DuClare, often only called “Beth”, is  millionaire philanthropist and leader of the World Health Organization in 2027 and 2029. Just like the previous members she was born into a very old and wealthy family tied to the Illuminati. This is why she claims it was her birthright to be “Queen of this World.” And again, little is known about the woman besides her public role. In 2027 she controls the distribution of the manipulated TYM chip that would later cause the Aug Incident, and in 2029 she works with DeBeers on several projects. Among them: Black Helix and The D Project. Her exact position/rank is unknown, but it is implied in Black Light that she might be the “true” Second-in-Command since she has a very close relationship with DeBeers and because of their collaborations. In addition to this it is implied that she is a highly skilled manipulator, especially regarding men, and it is implied she uses sex and “love” to achieve her goals. The groomed the carrier of  Philip Riley Mead, Florida’s Governor in 2027 and future President of the United States (2052), has a confirmed sexual relationship with Morgan Everett, is rumoured to be the mistress of the President of France Alain Bourges-Maunoury and talks derogatory about emotions like love and affection. She was assassinated by Majestic 12 prior to the events of Deus Ex 1. She has a daughter named Nicolette DuClare whose father is unknown and it is suspected that Nicolette is in fact a cosmetically altered clone. 

There is little to say about Volkard Rand, since he is only appears in Mankind Divided and the only thing we know about him is that he is a member of the Council of Five in 2029 and that he puts pressure on the UN council to pass the Human Restoration act. A very popular fan-theory sees him as the elusive Janus, leader of the Juggernaut Collective that was somewhat confirmed by the “Prima Game Guide” by accident.  But this is all speculation.

Robert “Bob” Page is not directly a member of Council of Five during the events of HR and MD, but has a high enough position to participate in most of their meetings. He is the protégé of Morgan Everett, who recruited him at some point before 2016 and due to his influence the young man managed to have an unusual career and rise up faster than he should (stated by Stanton Dowd). Page is the CEO of VersaLife (founded 1975), a pharmaceutical giant he acquired in 2016 and a subordinate to his company Page Industries, a venture capital/tech firm. He is the second leader of MJ12 alongside his mentor and is in charge of the Tyrants in Human Revolution (Codename Black, also referred to as “Commander” in The Fall) and overthrows the Illuminati during the 2030s in a Coup d'état, and takes over completely. In 2052, he is the richest and most powerful man in the world while still having an extremely positive public image, as people see him as generous, a philanthropist and he pretends to donate to good causes. He tries to become the “true Supreme Enlightened” by merging with the AI Helios. 

All of these character summaries are kept short and only mention the most important things, there is much more to tell but this should be enough to give a general overview about the canon information regarding the Illuminati. If you got any questions of wish that I got deeper into certain things, please let me know.