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rubbrfrk9 · 5 years

Photo

REBORN

I HAD A NAME. I used to be somebody.

I had a profession, dignity, a position in the class structure.

Nowadays, I see through a cracked lens - society is broken, and the people participating in it are all prisoners. The people you see shuffling in the great to and from, every morning, every evening - they’re miserable. Ask any one of them if they wouldn’t leave their life, and - perhaps after some hesitation - they would say Yes.

Even the ones who have kids - the ones in love - all of them. In fact, those with ties to other people are the first ones to get in line.

For me, it was curiosity that opened the door. If one follows the classic Hero’s Journey, the arc that every myth and story takes, I heard the Call - just like you - through a buzzing, pixelated source… the great and sordid world of the internet.

One wrong step can put you on an entirely different path.

When you look back, the path you were on is obscured by the surrounding environs - pressed firmly closed, as though no thing had ever once passed through.

I should introduce myself before I preach anymore. I am rubbrfrk9. You’ve read the stories on the website, you might’ve seen my name watermarked on pics as you scroll by on your tumblr feed.

That hasn’t been our name always. But what our name was before does not matter.

All hail the Rubbered One!

And if you’re reading this, then you’re as curious as I was.

Do you dare follow your own Call?

If you do, keep reading.

THE CALL COMES FOR YOU. You don’t come for it. The Call has been there, waiting, for you to pick up the other end, for as long as you’ve been alive.

Like I was saying, for me, it was curiosity. It seems like it is for you, too.

I was always a curious guy. It’s how I became a teacher, I guess. I loved to learn about shit. Endless amounts of shit. The subjects that interested me were sucked dry by my voracious need to know. On top of it all, I was cursed (blessed?) by a need to collect, a completionist’s frenzy, and so I found myself needing not just to know, but to know it all.

Everything. A question could not go unanswered. I was a very vocal kid, always asking the dread “Why?” to anyone who had the faculty to answer. Of course, I learned quickly that faculty does not imply ability; and later still, that ability does not imply honesty. Soon enough, I started shutting up and consulting other avenues of information - books. I loved books. I read anything I could find, from my mother’s tawdry romances on the back of the toilet to magazines at the doctor’s office - but my preferred genre was Horror, without a doubt.

I loved to read stories of unfortunate people, blind to their predicament, be lulled to the predator in the story. I loved how the protagonists were slowly overcome by a sense of dawning knowledge, and were thus able to conquer - or not - the abiding horror. The best ones were when the hero failed, in my opinion - those dark, twisted passages of despair and helplessness …

I was a weird kid.

I didn’t have very much luck making friends. I didn’t really understand what a “friend” should be. I knew that it was some sort of social construct, but I hadn’t figured out how it worked yet. Taking the time to do that analysis set me back, quite substantially, in the invisible school of society. Maybe, at heart, I was always a bit of a freak, even before I came out.

Funny to think of that, now, sitting here, writing from behind my gas mask and full rubber suit.

All hail the Rubbered One!

I love how tightly it encases me. How tightly it erases me.

Slowly, now. Don’t give up too quick. Finish the story first.

As I was saying. Curiosity. After college, I became a teacher. A professor. Very highly regarded in my field, but poor with social interactions. Dates? Of a professional courtesy, only, and as awkward and dry as a lecture. Actually, for me, lecturing was my second home, aside from my tidy and obsessively-ordered apartment. I loved standing at the podium, talking about the books we read together. How they are structured, and how events, following a certain chain, can be transformative.

Although sometimes, horrific.

Life that is contained entirely within the snowglobe of acadæmia becomes brittle, after a time. Even the most relentlessly anti-social of us have a heartbeat, a pulse, and a sexual drive.

Most sexual drives will tend towards the obligatory, the procreational. Attractiveness, physicality, congruence, intercourse, and then the subsequent emotional tangle. Sex is more than just a body meeting a body a-comin’ thru the rye - it is a rendezvous of energy, some of which we can’t even begin to understand.

Some kind of cosmic interplay happens during sex.

Something so bright, so chimeric, that I was blinded just thinking about it.

I fled from it, like a medieval monk from a vision of God.

SPARE TIME. I spent most of my time in my apartment in my bedroom, perched with my skinny knees up, my face obliterated by the powder-white light of my phone. I’d scroll endlessly. And always pictures of men.

I’d known I was gay way before most people do, but I’d never bothered to “come out” or anything that obvious. I just kept my feelings to myself, for as long as I could - which may not have been the healthiest thing to do, in hindsight, and when they finally vibrated at the seal on the pressure gauge, I spewed it out all over the internet.

Tumblr was my outlet. You could find something for every kink, from men transforming into donkeys to using politics as a sexual tool. I considered myself omnisexual. I could be convinced, really, to like anything. Except a few things.

I never really got into the big “full fetish” scene. I’d, of course, seen the pictures go by - of Folsom, Folsom Europe, even some kinksters trying to make a name for themselves, become influencers, with pictures so heavily edited and filtered they almost looked fake.

But for me, my kink was - get this - intimacy. I loved pictures of men, beautiful men, kissing, embracing. Tangling together, with bliss inscribed on their faces. And it was that expression that did it for me - the bliss, the complete and total walling-off of any worldly concern but the physical, the presence of another’s lips, breath, proximity -

It got me off, every time. Imagining myself in those positions. Wearing those clothes. Caught up in those bedsheets.

Then, I’d stare into the mirror, and flex my coming-along biceps. My quads. I’d get dressed for the gym, and I’d go work out for an hour.

I loved my routine, even if I felt the dreary recalcitrance to wake up every morning and head to work, just another body with the other bodies, shuffling to and from. The night time is when I felt the surge of life - I would be free of the grimy shackles of the city, I would pound through the tumblr feed, I would shower, I would go workout.

Life was half-bliss.

But as anyone who has half of bliss will tell you, it is never enough. You must go searching for the second half of bliss - and I found mine on the night in question.

Knees up, one foot tapping a heel in idle, anxious rhythm. Eyes greedily consuming, picture after picture, and then -

My thumb hovered over the screen as if about to lay a fingerprint down on a reader. I stared.

The picture, my gateway, was a bedroom picture much like any other I saw in my daily feed, except for one crucial ingredient - one of the men was entirely encased, from head to toe, in shiny black rubber.

The rubber was so shiny, so depthless, so reflective, that it almost seemed as though its host was Not - as though there were some kind of blotting-out, erasing, blankening … And yet, this Not Person was being encircled by the arms of another man, a strong man, by the looks of it, his biceps bulging around the Rubbered One.

Even now, looking back on it, I find it insanely difficult to pry my eyes away from the memory of that reflective rubber. That shiny, reflective black rubber. And the detail! I could see the hollows of the eyes, the imprint of the big toenail, the curls of the ears down to the tragus - it was truly as though this was not a suit being worn, this was a suit that was animated, had breath and energy of its own.

Perhaps it was, in hindsight, seducing the man which embraced it.

I don’t know how long I stared at the picture. A long time. I was fascinated with everything about it - the mess of clothing on the side of the bed, socks and shirts strewn around, as if someone had melted and left only their garments as markers that they ever existed at all. Even a pair of glasses lay askew on the carpet, next to a pair of jeans and Chucks.

If I listened, I could almost hear my own heartbeat, beating in time with the glints of light off of that rubber surface, as though the Rubbered One were moving, in infinitesimally small increments, writhing on the bed in either pleasure or agony -

I blinked, shook my head, and pressed down deliberately on the screen, for the little “Save Image” dialog to appear. I needed to see that again, sometime.

It was a lot sooner than I thought.

I had to excuse myself from my lecture. I was shaking, and my breath was wobbly in my mouth. Words had come out gummily, and I was worried that someone would be convinced I was having a stroke. I’d send in a TA to finish off the lecture, not that anyone in the darkened hall was paying attention anyway.

I went into the nearest bathroom, a single-room lavatory, and sat down hard on the toilet. Instantly, my hands fished out my phone from my pocket and called up my Photos.

There, on the top of the digital heap, was the faraway glisten and shine of the Rubbered One. I sighed in relief, in pleasure.

You would too, if you’d seen the picture. Don’t judge me.

A whisper of triumph, of pleasure, of satisfaction, threaded through my mind as I opened up the picture. There it was again. That endlessness, that Void, that Nothing. I craved it, and I didn’t know why, and I needed to know why, and to know why, I needed to keep looking. I needed to keep looking to stop looking.

The Rubbered One had moved. I remember its legs being in a different scissor - left on top of right, and now it was right, on top of left.

This did not frighten me. Perhaps it should have. Pictures are not supposed to move.

But in my addled state of mind, I was blissfully unaware of the warning - or even, really, of the thought itself. It slid right out of my head, as if on a glossy sheet of black ice. I smiled, warmly, the shuddering ceasing.

Then, surprising even myself, I unzipped my pants, and hauled out my cock.

Nothing would stop me. I was a man determined. I could even smell the rubber, could feel it lifting, wafting out of the screen of my phone. That smell, that smell that I have no words for - something utterly inorganic, but somehow seductive for that very reason.

I jerked off, right there, in the bathroom around the corner from the lecture hall. I sat so still, my hand doing all the work, that the motion-sensing lights clicked off, leaving me alone, lit only by the powdery light of my phone. There, in the enclosing, mummifying dark, I jerked myself off and came with a jagged, oblique moan that slid out of me, catching me by surprise.

I may have even been in such a hurry to get inside that I didn’t even lock the bathroom door. This suspicion came to me as I exited, stuffing myself shakily back into my khakis and my blazer. You see, the door had opened seamlessly, with no hint of a lock dis-engaging.

In fact, the momentary thrill of being caught as I masturbated to the Rubbered One flicked a little shiver of pleasure up my shaft anew, and I started shuddering so much that I had to grab the wall for fear of falling over.

All hail the Rubbered One!

There was no way I could go back to my lecture now. I fled the campus for the safety of a local coffeehouse.

OTHER THINGS STARTED HAPPENING. Like how I thought I was having a stroke, before? I found that, when I spoke, my mouth felt oddly compressed, as though I had lockjaw. I went to the doctor, but when they told me to “open wide and say ahhh” I had no trouble - my jaw, seemingly re-oiled, complacently opened its full width, and I made the obligatory noise.

Nothing wrong with my temporo-mandibular joint, advised the healthcare professional.

And yet, as soon as I left the office, trying to speak to the Uber driver, to give him directions to my apartment, the same muffling, mysterious pressure returned, and I was only able to speak in tight, restrained tones.

It didn’t occur to me until much, much later, that this was the voice of someone wearing a rubber gas mask, much like the one I am wearing now.

After awhile, I stopped talking altogether. Of course, this did make it rather difficult to be a professor, and so that had to stop, too.

But what does a mute member of society do, when the one thing they have in life is a degree in English Literature?

Well, the first step is despondency, and denial. I spent a month at least, just searching tumblr for more pictures of the Rubbered One. Sure, there were plenty of pictures - the fetish for rubber has never been a subtle one - but none of them had that same irresistable sheen and shine, that fathomless Void, of the Rubbered One. I’d exhausted most of the blogs. I kept returning to the photograph I had saved to my cloud - and jerking off to it, again and again, like a desperate man. Like a junkie. If I went without, or even thought about going out, my hand developed such a tremor that I looked afflicted with tardive dyskinesia.

It got so bad, and the attacks so frequent, that I eventually just made the picture my home screen on my phone. That way, if the tremors started, a quick pocket-dig and finger-flip would open up the likeness of the Rubbered One, and instantly, I would calm.

And (he? It?) continued to move. Perhaps, now that (he? It?) knew that I had noticed the movement, it happened more and more, and faster, as though I were watching a video rather than a photograph.

Now, in addition to the slow, sensual scissoring of its legs, the Rubbered One was turning its head, away from the suckling devotion of its prey and turning to look at me, choosing me, directing its energy towards me.

I already had my rubber in the mail. It took some doing, some difficult work, some self-measuring, but before long the order was placed and the shipment was made. It was, of course, a link that I’d seen on tumblr, from one of the many rubber fetish sites. Drone, and a series of numbers, I think. One of the ones that’s talking about being absorbed into a Hivemind, a Central Core. Nothing that ever really appealed to me.

The only thing I wished to absorb into was the Rubbered One.

I ached, yearned, to be the man in that picture. I was even jealous of him. Who was he to show his devotion to such a being, such a beautiful entity? Would not I be a better candidate for the first apostle position?

But I knew, somehow, deep inside, that I wouldn’t even be considered until I had donned my own rubber.

Here’s where it gets a little weird, right - this is usually the point when in the story, the protagonist gets a little real, sizes himself up, maybe learns something about themselves. Call me crazy, I know, but at this point, I just knew on the inside, so strongly, that I would never be worthy of the Rubbered One if I wasn’t Rubbered myself.

And so I waited, agonizingly, nearly tearing my hair out, for the package to inch itself across the ocean to my apartment mailbox. I’d ordered the full suit, of course, the one that most closely approximated my photograph.

I was utterly consumed, I was ablaze with obsession. For the first time in my life, I felt an utterly overwhelming feeling - a lack. I felt as though I lacked something that I had had for just a moment - one sweet moment, hovering, crystalline - and now that I no longer had it, I could never live a whole life again.

And everywhere I went - watching with a hawk’s eye the slow drainage of funds from my bank account - I smelled it. Rubber. There was even an auto repair shop, blockaded on one side with piles and piles of tires - I altered my daily neighborhood walk so that I could slowly amble by it, inhaling the thick, gray smell. The more of it I could get on me, the more I wanted. If there were a cologne that smelled of rubber, I’d wear it - hell, I’d bathe in it! I twitched for it to be near me, on me, inside of me.

THE DAY MY NEW FACE CAME IN THE MAIL. I was wearing rubber gloves, made for chemical and construction workers, pressing them to my face, and inhaling as deeply as I could, when my phone made its little ringing noise to signify that a package was Delivered.

It could only be one thing.

It would only be a matter of moments before I could prostrate myself in front of the Rubbered One.

I hooked up my laptop to my flat-screen television, where the Rubbered One had also become my desktop wallpaper. I opened up the picture file and let it sit, in the middle of my living room, the picture of Him.

Again, I fell far into His Nothingness, His All-Consuming Void - He turned on the bed, in the picture. He silently got up. He moved so subtly that it was impossible to tell if my hallucination was real, or some sort of digital magic. He kicked, as if insulting, the pile of clothes left by the bedside.

The whole time, He kept his head, His black eyes, His shiny face, impassive and monstrous, but so aloof, so superior - His direct gaze - riveted on mine.

All hail the Rubbered One!

With barely a shimmer, He stepped out of the frame of my television and deliberately into my living room. Tendrils of black squirmed out around the square of my screen, lashing to and fro idly, almost amusedly.

None of this seemed unreal, or even fantastical. It was simply as it was - I was in a sort of ecstasy, like the kind the saints have, all-consumed, raptured. The Rubbered One had chosen me!

Go, He told me without speaking.

I was on my feet, I was sprinting, I was dashing, my hands, still in their gloves, slippery on the door knob. I was down the stairs before I realized I was barefoot, or that I was still wearing the heavy-duty black rubber gloves. And there it was - my Rubber. It was, of course, still in the box, it needed to be freed -

I cradled it in my arms. I inhaled, as deeply as possible, again. I could smell it, whining at the edges of my nostrils, begging to be freed. I felt it, inside its cardboard prison, shifting and rustling. Whispering.

I brought it upstairs with as much care as a mother would bring home her day-old newborn, but once inside, slamming the door behind me, I pillaged the drawers for the scissors, tearing into the box that would dare imprison my -

And there it was. Still in a sad, folded-up heap, but it was mine.

Now, said His voice in my head. I didn’t have to turn around to know that He, the Rubbered One, was standing behind me - had moved silently from the living room to the kitchen. I felt Him questing at the edges of my consciousness, starting the interview process.

I felt a strange mix of craven desire and hot-blooded lust twist through me. How I wished to possess the Rubbered One! And how I wished to be possessed by Him!

I began to don my Rubber. I felt it coo as it met my skin, as I replaced my own with its black sheen. I saw my toes go, then the top of my foot - ankles, calves and shinbones, kneecaps and thighs - I watched as the black tide continued its creep up my body, as quickly as night follows dusk.

The Rubbered One put His hands on me and I was nothing, I was everything. I was part of a gigantic, moaning chorus of voices, I was absolute silence.

I saw Him reach out to me, his Nothing fingers and Nothing hands, his Void arms, his Void body. I saw Him pull my self to His, and I felt us as we docked, somehow, for an imposssible moment, sharing the same physical space.

Then, with a sound that reminded me of a slurp and a sucking, closing noise, I was no more.

RUBBERBORN. I ceased to exist as I knew myself.

I had a name.

I wasn’t much of somebody, but I was somebody.

Now, I was part of a growing, aching consciousness - I was part of a vast, growing hunger. My thoughts were no longer my own.

All hail the Rubbered One!

I buzzed and chirred, excited beyond words. I was ramrod hard, even in the rubber, which smoothed everything away, everything - all emotion, all thought, all nerve, all worry. All features of my face - gone. All features of my body - slurped up.

I stood in front of the mirror. All sign of the Rubbered One was vanished. I could see, somehow, through my suit, though it had no eyeholes.

I saw through Rubber eyes.

I understood that I was Rubberborn. That this was my destiny.

The words “my” and “me” and “I” and “mine” were erased, scratched out heavily. I was plural, now.

We were plural.

We stand in front of the mirror, staring at ourselves, our new body. A mere morsel in the face of our hunger.

Do you feel it?

As our eyes swivel slowly, tracking across the room, away from the mirror. Looking into the camera lens backwards. Do you feel the chilly fingers of our gaze landing on you as you read? Playing along your bare shoulders, the pliable, delicate skin of your arms?

The Rubberborn understand and acknowledge that this body can be used for purposes that satisfy the hunger.

They gave it the name rubbrfrk9. The name you know, the author of these stories you read, curious in your own way to know how the rubber feels. The same name you’ve seen watermarked on pics of us as you scroll by on your tumblr feed.

Or maybe you already know - maybe you’ve already felt the ecstasy, struggling into your own shirt or pants. Gloves or socks. Mask or hood.

Perhaps all of the above.

Perhaps the voice of the Rubbered One is even now mingling with your own thoughts. Sinuous, twisty, shiny and smooth. Silken whispers, just an undercurrent of sibilant breath in the background, there. If you strain, you can make it out. Can hear our voices.

We can sense you.

We know.

We are coming.

Say it with us now: All hail the Rubbered One!

347 notes · View notes

rosymorns · 4 years

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@lord-shaxxophone Hi!! Sorry to bother, but i’m finally going to have a computer for the first time in forever, which means i can use MODS now, and i’ve seen you using a lot of cool mods over the years! Do you have a recommendation list of mods anywhere? If not, do you think you could give me a run down of your favorites for the dragon age games? Or just one of them, i don’t want to take up too much of your time. Thank you!!

________________________________________

hi, sorry!! tumblr isn’t a functional website and the ask fucked up when i tried to edit it, so here it is, in a text post instead.

i don’t generally follow mod lists tbh!! i love looking through mods so i actually really enjoy spending a few days getting my mod list just right 😙👌 that said, i definitely can rec mods!! i’m not suggesting you use all of these at once, these are just some that i have used and enjoyed before. also they’re in no particular order. (under cut, because long)

dragon age origins:

gameplay

no helmet hack

skip the fade

madd gift guide

dialogue tweaks

origins faster combat

zevranASAP

personal annoyance remover

faster bow talents

bow replacer

natural lighting for character creator

no ninjamancing

improved atmosphere

super easy mode

NPCs/graphics

dragon age redesigned

da2 isabela

the core of her heart

qunari update + sten of the beresaad

mages of ferelden

elves of ferelden + elves of ferelden HD

ferelden elves (da2 style elves)

unique textures for companions

pixelated shaders remover

circles be gone

crow assassins armor for zevran

vivat regina - anora mac tir

retconned cullen

leliana item pack

the children’s closet + additional clothing for kids

cleaner screenshots

vignette be gone

grey wardens of ferelden

character creation/armors

pineappletree’s vibrant colors

hairstyle day

new eyes for DAOT

sjc’s patchy skin fix

sjc’s skin tones

barnzi face textures

witcher 3 wardrobe

elven hairstyles

hairstyle day volume 2

soft makeup

softer hair

sjc’s vanilla hair color replacements

HD eyebrow and stubble presets

_____________________________________

dragon age 2:

gameplay

reasonable daggers

da2 epilogue restoration

disable spider models

repeatable romance scenes

no sibling kidnapping in best served cold

story mode

valuable junk

no class restrictions for item sets

npcs/graphics

isabela’s curly hair

inquisition cullen

HR fenris armor

da2 npc hands

puffy face be gone (alistair fix)

ferelden fashion vol II

fenris’ spring cleaning

pure elven tallis

unique face textures for companions

HD anders outfit

elves with human skin

zevran restoration project

teagan fix

varania morph

HD isabela

HD merrill armor + hand fix

iveys orana

improved fenris glow

no more bloody teeth

HR npc face textures

character creation/armors

nightcrawler hairs

pineappletrees vibrant eyes

armor of the skilled archer (sera armor port)

orlesian noble hunting armors

orlesian noble light armor

isabela and tallis standalone armor for hawke

natural hair

vaelsmod chargen pack

natural skin

noble outfits at home + amell noble dress

additional hair tints

anto hairstyles

LOTC skins for DA2 v2

korcari’s grace -- witcher 2 armor

ferelden cuts

accessorize your life

witcher 3 ciri and yennefer outfits

witcher 3 triss armor

the witcher wardrobe

ks hairs for da2

_____________________________________

dragon age inquisition

(these are a mix of daimods and frosty; you can use both together and i’m happy to explain if you don’t know or can’t figure it out!)

gameplay

speed launch

templar banner banned

unlock masterwork crafting at haven

no dirt buildup

new influence table

invisible unequipped weapons

open all halla doors

no perk requirements

elven circle mage 2.0 (+ no tattoo option)

seggrich

multiple romance mod

invisible prologue outfit

haven crafting supply

skippable skyhold journey

war table no waiting

quicker looting

no more fog of war

more banter

fly + fall damage nullified

more healing potions

party at the winter palace

choose your divine

saving clan lavellan

npcs/graphics

improved mabari

deshine series for stock pc textures

load this before any custom inquisitor complexions so the specular map from your inky’s complexion will overwrite it

inner circle armory

enchanted tannery (4k leather textures)

the core of her heart -- a morrigan mod

el’s 4k complexions (i use all but solas and cole)

trimmed blackwall

the pride solas face texture

eggs without hats

darkling i listen -- a leliana mod

sun-flooded silks -- a josephine mod

above the din and damn -- a vivienne mod

seeker’s sending -- a cassandra mod

healed cole

cullen textures

just the 4k armor retex

spring in thedas OR winter in thedas OR autumn in thedas

character creation/armors

ll armor crafting OR PJ and light armor tinting OR med armor tinting

kiss skin tones

SOS brows on fleek

suul eyes OR shadowed eyes

SOS lashes OR natural lashes

sumptuous silk finery + champagne and gemstones + formalwear to wedding dress

sid’s personal remake of inquisition’s makeup

enhanced inquisitor colors

use the old version

inquisitor complexions:

kitten’s inquisitor complexions

complexions for female inquisitor

el complexions for the inquisitor

assorted complexions for the inquisitor

female complexions

male complexions

kala’s complexions

witcher complexions

hair:

elven hairstyle 1

hairstyle day dai

anto hairstyles for dai

misc hairstyles

directory of most non-frosty hairs

tw3 inspired outfits (+ recolors)

inquisitor wardrobes

ciri dlc outfit

elf pajama replacers

hair retexture

not compatible with some hair mods -- it’ll say on the hair mod’s page

ornamental horns

kurbits vallaslins

#love this website #anyway. WHEW.#i'm happy to help if you have trouble installing or are looking for something specific also. lmk!#carly.txt

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virtual-lara · 4 years

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FHM - Rhona Mitra Interview

Interview appeared in the November 1997 issue of FHM magazine. Article was written up on fansite 'The Tomb Raider Archive'. VL Note: This interview is long and it is full of awful non-gaming questions with some cringey answers, but it was conducted in 1997 for a mens magazine.

Sex and videogames don't usually mix too well. Indeed, the popular view is that men who play them have such poor complexions and social skills that they've been forced to replace the pleasures of the flesh with bashing the hell out of pixellated monsters. In short, successful users of the chat-up line "I've top scored on Story Of Thor 2" are few and far between.

However, there is one exception to the rule. In November 1996, Tomb Raider appeared, featuring the adventures of Lara Croft. The premise of the game was that Lara, the daughter of an English aristocrat, had decided to forego her inheritance in favour of travelling around the world in search of ancient artefacts. As with most adventure games, this involved plenty of running, jumping, swimming and shooting. But unlike other games, its central character became the computer world's first sex symbol, and Lara Croft quickly catapulted Tomb Raider to the top of the games charts. With her ample chest and powerful thighs, Lara was created as the gamer's ultimate fantasy figure and the strategy worked.

Now, for the imminent release of the sequel, Tomb Raider 2, Lara is made flesh. And fortunately for us, it's in the form of 22-year-old actress Rhona Mitra, a woman sexy enough to equal the charms of the video character. As well as appearing in the press campaign for Tomb Raider 2, Rhona has recorded an album as Lara (produced by ex-Eurythmics guitarist Dave Stewart), from which the single, Getting Naked, is to be released next month. There is even talk of a Tomb Raider movie, for which Rhona ought to be a shoe-in for the lead role - a heady jump from her last big part, playing a teenage seductress in Jilly Cooper's The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous.

So, to celebrate the arrival of the new sexiest woman in Britain, what did we do? Take lots of fantastic pictures of her? Of course. Ask her a shed-load of questions about what it's like to play a character invented to satisfy the libido if a twenty-something programmer? Certainly. But first we took her to London's Trocadero centre to see if she could cut the mustard in the original gaming arena - an amusement arcade.

The truth is, she's pretty adept. She powers past three (male) opponents on an arm wrestling machine, gives a credible display at dynamo-hockey and is equally at ease bombing about on the virtual skate-boards. Her strongest suit, though, is the bowling range. After a slow start, three spares in a row see her powering into the lead as FHM skew another ball into the gutter.Only two consecutive(and highly suspicious) zero scores in the last two rounds barred the way to victory. And perhaps not surprising for a woman who's beaten stiff competition to play the most lusted after computer game character of all time, she doesn't accept second place for long. "I let you win, you know," she smiles triumphantly.

FHM:

Games fans are notoriously obsessive. Are you ready to be pursued by blokes thinking that you really are Lara Croft?

Rhona Mitra:

After The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous I had a lot of bizarre fan mail. I remember receiving a beautifully-typed letter from twelve boys in Exeter asking if I'd marry them all. Apparently I was supposed to be shared on some kind of weekly rota system. I was thinking, "Hmm, two a day. How am I supposed to manage that?" And I've already had people post notes on the Lara Croft website thanking me for improving their sex-lives.

FHM:

And how exactly have they done that?

Rhona Mitra:

They get their girlfriends to dress up as Lara, like I do. Apparently, it works wonders for them - maybe it's the rubber outfit.

FHM:

Do you think it's scary that there are men out there fantasising over a computer-generated character?

Rhona Mitra:

No, because men will fantasise about anything. Compared to a sheep or whatever, I think Lara's quite a healthy fantasy. What's wrong with wanting to sleep with a computer-generated character? She's got a perfect figure after all.

FHM:

Talking of perfect figures, there was a story in the tabloids about you having a breast enlargement operation performed by your dad...

Rhona Mitra:

That was rubbish. My dad is a surgeon and he does do cosmetic surgery, but he doesn't perform breast operations. I don't think he was too bothered about it, though - apparently a load of people phoned up the hospital where he works, the next day asking for tits like Rhona Mitra.

FHM:

But you have had your breasts enlarged.

Rhona Mitra:

Yes, but my dad had nothing to do with it.

FHM:

Where does the name Mitra come from?

Rhona Mitra:

It's Indian - my dad is from Calcutta. But I'm also part Irish. It's a confusing heritage. I never know if want to be running across fields with no clothes on or sitting in the pub drinking Guinness.

FHM:

The Lara Croft single is called Getting Naked. When was the last time you were naked in a public place?

Rhona Mitra:

I don't think going starkers in a public place is especially commendable. You can go to Stringfellow's for that. Although they don't get it all off there, do they? The song is really about one night stands and a woman saying that she'll go so far but not the whole hog. Why does all frolicking have to end in penetration?

FHM:

Does Lara have sex, then?

Rhona Mitra:

I should bloody well hope so. I'm sure she wouldn't be the woman she is unless she did.

FHM:

You recorded half the album sailing down the Amazon in Dave Stewert's boat. If the boat had run aground, would you have been prepared to eat him in order to survive?

Rhona Mitra:

Hmm, he hasn't really got enough fat on him...

FHM:

That beard might have been a bit tough to chew as well. Maybe you could have stuck it on your face when you'd finished eating the rest of him.

Rhona Mitra:

I would have worn the beard proudly. It's a fine feature.

FHM:

You were expelled from two boarding schools. Naughty girl, were you?

Rhona Mitra:

No, I just had a problem with complying with the rules. I went to convent school and it was totally ridiculous. We weren't even allowed to go into town at the weekend. So we used to nick holy wine from the church and drink it in the potato patch at the back of the school. I remember one time me and a few girls ended up dancing in the garden at four in the morning, wearing nothing but wellington boots.

FHM:

Is that why they kicked you out?

Rhona Mitra:

No, that was for taking a sixth former's car and driving it down to the local boys' school. I was only about fourteen. I'd left stuffing under my bedsheets but one of my friends told on me and the headmistress tracked me down. They put me in this room with bars on the windows to punish me. I was stuck in there for a whole week with just a rosary for comfort, having my dinner brought in on trays. The only time I got out was to say confession to the school priest. After that, they booted me out. Then at the next school the other girls used to blame me whenever they got caught for something, so all the parents wrote in and said they didn't want me at the school. I crammed my exams in London and did fine.

FHM:

You recently said that Lara represents the woman of the future. So what is the woman of the future going to be like?

Rhona Mitra:

She'll be more robust. In order to be strong in the mind, women are going to have to build up their bodies. Having a big arse will be alright, having a big pair of breasts will be alright, as long as they exercise as well.

FHM:

We had a discussion in the office about men of the future, and we reckon that evolution will make their heads and penises bigger.

Rhona Mitra:

Sounds good to me.

FHM:

Okay. Let's test your credentials for playing Lara Croft. To start with, when was the last time you raided a tomb?

Rhona Mitra:

Er, I haven't. I only raid my friends' wardrobes. And my dad's drinks cabinet when I was a kid.

FHM:

Would you take on a bear unarmed?

Rhona Mitra:

I'd probably try and cuddle and sweet-talk it. I've charmed men worse than bears.

FHM:

Can you handle yourself in a fight?

Rhona Mitra:

Absolutely. I had the whole Swiss army after me once. I was skiing with friends and we were getting hassled by some guys who wanted us to dance. They ended up calling us dykes and then turned nasty. I kicked one in the ribcage. It turned out that he was with a load of Swiss army guys and they chased us up the road. We ran faster than them, though.

FHM:

Some Tomb Raider websites feature a nude Lara Croft. Would you ever emulate them and do Playboy?

Rhona Mitra:

I'd never say never. But not right now. It's not even negotiable.

FHM:

What about the orgasmic noises Lara makes when she bumps into walls? Have you been perfecting those?

Rhona Mitra:

Oh yes, of course. Listen. [Makes weird orgasmic noise not unlike "Uuh!"]

FHM:

Lara spends most of her time in caves full of gun-wielding nutters. What's the most dangerous situation you've been in?

Rhona Mitra:

I got buried under sand in Tunisia. I've just shot a film there called A Kid In The Arabian Knights. We were supposed to be mocking up this sandstorm and I was buried right up past my head, but I couldn't breathe because the sand was so heavy. I had to breath through a bamboo straw for about twenty minutes. The crew were getting their cameras up and I was screaming "Hurry the fuck up, I'm dying under here."

FHM:

Did you used to play computer games when you were growing up? I remember getting hooked Jet Set Willy on the ZX Spectrum.

Rhona Mitra:

I had an Atari. I used to play that tennis game where you had two bats at either end of the screen and had to try and keep the ball in play.

FHM:

You mean Pong!

Rhona Mitra:

That's the one. But I used to do a lot of things to entertain myself. Do you remember those portable tape recorders that had flat speakers on the top? I used to put a piece of cellophane on top of the speaker and crumble biscuits on top of it. I'd then play Super Trooper by Abba at full volume and watch the crumbs jump up and down with the vibrations.

FHM:

Blimey. You were easily pleased.

Rhona Mitra:

That's not all. I loved pouring yoghurt all over my dog and watching him lick it off himself. And when my parents had dinner parties I'd chop up his dog food into chunks, put cocktail sticks in it and then walk around the living room in a sari asking if anyone wanted hors d'oeuvres.

FHM:

The guests must have loved you. Have you carried any bizarre habits or phobias into adulthood?

Rhona Mitra:

I can't sit still. That's why I'm very difficult in a relationship. Men get jealous of me travelling - they don't understand that just because I disappear on my own doesn't mean I'm going to shag someone else.

FHM:

Have you always been faithful?

Rhona Mitra:

Always. But I can appreciate why people wouldn't be. It's like ice-cream - you can really love vanilla, but you still want to try some other flavours just to make sure that you really do love vanilla best. I haven;t actually been out with that many men. I've been in two relationships which have taken up five years of my life. The second one of those recently ended and since then I've concentrated on my work.

FHM:

What kind of man do you go for?

Rhona Mitra:

I like healthy-looking guys with good, clean skin. And I like men who have brains but are still very childish. Immature guys.

FHM:

Are you actually any good at Tomb Raider?

Rhona Mitra:

Yeah. I finished it in about two weeks.

FHM:

I heard that Bruce Willis has bought the rights to the Tomb Raider movie and that Demi Moore is pencilled in to play Lara. Could you have her?

Rhona Mitra:

Oh yeah, of course.

FHM:

Be careful. After filming GI Jane, she's quite buff these days.

Rhona Mitra:

So am I. And I'm younger than her. The idea of her playing Lara is sacrilege. She has to be a posh English girl with a stiff upper lip.

FHM:

Finally, elsewhere in this issue we discuss the phenomenon of lesbianism. Have you ever been tempted by the charms of another girl?

Rhona Mitra:

Any woman who says she hasn't isn't truly a woman. Even if you don't go as far as doing something physical, you should be able to appreciate the female form. Men are beautiful too, though.

All rights belong to FHM and/or their affiliated companies. I only intend to introduce people to old articles and preserve them before they are lost.

#Tomb Raider 2 #TR2 Interviews #All Interviews #VL Posts

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codematurgy · 4 years

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you could definitely say that what follows next is a quarentine diary of sorts, but i’m writing it up here because it relates to theme making in some ways; additionally, i just want to write something positive in the middle of this!

stay safe, of course - if your finantial conditions, likely because of the government of your country and/or your employer being criminals, aren’t good enough for you to stop working, i can’t say i’m exactly praying for you because i don’t have that practice, but i do hope you’ll be fine. this moment shows us how capitalists are willing to treat the working class. mandatory class struggle aside:

for starters shout out to tumblr because i love the new dashboard ok. i’m using the cybernetic palette and i really wish it was available on the app too. of course, my love of it isn’t related to the colors alone - i always thought the dashboard looked a bit messy in structure, so building it again from zero was a fantastic decision. love that i can see the words for image or avatar while the images are loading as well; they really took care of accessibility here, which was already an ongoing process with stuff like page order or focus, etc.

i just wanted to write that shoutout because i’ve seen a lot of people complain about it - mostly because xkit stopped working - while ignoring that the folks at xkit did explain how they’re helping the tumblr developers directly, and in turn their work at rewriting xkit would be even smoother. i don’t think people actually give tumblr developers credit where is due, and i’ve been fascinated with their work ever since i found out about official blogs such as @javascript or @engineering. it also clarified a few problems i’ve had when dealing with the mechanics of reblogs, even if some bits of it still drive me nuts! in a sense, thinking about theme making for tumblr has become more gratifying when you get to understand just what you’re doing. anyway, moving on.

i haven’t really done a lot of “theme making” for the past weeks - i did do a bunch of bug fixes to the npf photosets plugin, but nothing related to designing or creating and so on. it doesn’t mean that creating was completely lost to me, though i did channel it to something entirely different: movie reviews.

yeah. that sounds pretentious, i know.

i’m not a big fan of cash grab movies(read: pretty much most of recent disney work, and anything that feels similarly souless), but i never found the strength to watch the ones that are new and more popular around here; namely, stuff from a24. which is not to say those are bad! i’ve watched my share and they are really good - i’m absolutely enamored with the vvitch, for example. however, i’ve realized that i want to discover new worlds, and not all of them too serious neither constantly bombarding my tumblr dashboard or twitter timeline. people have been doing movies for such a long time and i keep wondering, how many incredible gems i’m missing on solely because i can’t be bothered to look back?

thanks to that, i’m watching movies i never thought i would watch. and more importantly, i’m writing about them - about the things that make them this single, incredible work. much like being in a show’s fandom, i guess, and writing such long metas on it, except i get to write shorter essays because i’m not getting an entire season, ahaha. i had never watched an art film up until now, i think, and although it wasn’t my favorite format from this first experience, it was nice and i’m actually willing to try it again.

one great takeaway from this experience, besides how awesome film-making is, relates to my creations here. a fascinating thing about movies is when their envisioners work to have this coherent, complete piece of work filled with all it needs to be solid, instead of letting these loose threads. this is not in a plot sense strictly, but for so many aspects like choosing to add something to costume, set, or prop design; the choice of a weird but so incredibly telling original score; a photography that goes beyond having a pretty centralized shot and adds weight to every shot... wow, that stuff is unreal, and it is so full of purpose!

this feeling of completeness is one i think i have been working on gradually, but still could do better. i have this terrible process in which i barely have a full sketch for a theme - i just think that i want this one thing and build the whole theme around that detail live on the code instead of actually planning it. i believe that, likely because of this, it feels like my themes are just this tiny design in the middle of a blank website. Chamamento, SETE and Ágora feel like outliers in that sense, even though the process was still chaotic, solely because at one point i actually sat myself down and i said “i want this”.

hopefully, i can take this knowledge with me on the next themes coming around! i don’t know when they will come, but i do have an idea for post styling and another one for a “complete” layout - i’ll try not to merge those in my weird process so it’s not too much information, though. there’s one theme in the works for a while too, which is based on the one i mentioned working on as i first mentioned Temporal, but it’s been reworked into an entirely different beast which i’m quite happy with; mostly because there is no pixel based post size! in fact, i’m considering not having typical post sizes for all next themes, choosing a more typical blog approach. it sounds weird but so far it looks really cool, although probably not as much if you’re doing graphics with set sizes... well, graphic makers were never my demographic to begin with.

and well, on an entirely different note: i keep forgetting that when you have a theme uploaded to tumblr, you can check active installs. actually seeing people using your themes, when before the only way you could see it was by hoping whoever reblogged or liked it had in fact installed it, is so exciting!!! it actually confirms that the people using my themes, or at least using Temporal, are often just your average blogger sharing memes, fanart and talking about the latest podcast - you know the one. it’s a pleasure to be making themes for y’all!

#code blogging #i'll warn you that this read more is a wall of text

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cindylouwho-2 · 5 years

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TOP NEWS & ARTICLES

US Amazon sellers were told via email that they will have to pay taxes on some Amazon fees, as Etsy has been doing with sellers in the EU and in Quebec.

The Instagram look may be dropping out of favour; apparently, reality is in. “Instagram museums and walls were built to allow normal people to take influencer-quality photographs—but they worked so well, those types of photos became common enough that they don’t resonate like they used to. “#unfiltered

In case you missed it, my review of Etsy’s Spring & Summer Trends Guide, including all of the keyword data (which you do need to check out, as they reveal some interesting search info).

ETSY NEWS

Etsy published a new census/survey of sellers in its 6 core countries, and also did a summary (if you don’t want to read the whole thing). “More than nine out of ten Etsy sellers (91%) are the sole owner of their businesses.”... “The majority (82%) of Etsy sellers would like to grow their business, but more than three out of five would not want to grow so big that they would have to hire more help.”

The bugs & errors with financial statements and records continue; Etsy botched the VAT statements yet again, even overwriting them all the way back to 2016. No word on whether any sellers have notified EU authorities on this yet.

New seller handbook article covers advertising; not much new or gripping, but it does discuss general ad approaches, not just Etsy’s.

There is also a new free shipping tool, in case you didn’t realize that Etsy wants more sellers to offer free shipping more often. “When we talk to shoppers during research, many say things like “I want to feel like I’m getting a deal!” and “I would love to see free shipping across the board, even if it meant increased prices.” Offering free shipping can be a great way to give customers like these the shopping experience they are looking for.”

CEO Josh Silverman participated in The Wall Street Journal’s “In the Elevator” interview series [video link]. Every 90 seconds, an engagement ring or wedding ring sells on Etsy. He also talks about free & fast shipping not always being a reasonable expectation when shopping on Etsy, unlike Amazon.

Speaking of free shipping, a limited number of US customers will be getting it from Etsy, with Etsy reimbursing sellers for the costs. Non-US sellers and buyers get nothing.

Etsy’s 2019 1st quarter results will be available May 8.

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES

Rand Fishkin released Part 5 of his Learn SEO in 1 Hour series: technical SEO [video & written transcript]. This is the one most of you can skip or just skim over, as it does talk a lot about coding.Some tips are important to everyone, however, like page linking/site structure (for websites), and having https set up.

Part 6 covers link building, in 10 minutes. Remember, if you are going to put effort into getting links, do it for your website & not your Etsy shop or other marketplace page. If you are creating traffic, make sure you own it.

Don’t forget looking beyond Google for your search engine traffic; this podcast [with written transcript] breaks down an approach to several of the biggest ones beyond Google. Spoiler: they only recommend worrying about the biggest, Bing, if you have around 1000 unique search visitors to your website per day.

How to get keyword ideas from the Google search results: there’s a lot more available now, beyond the search bar suggestions.

Google is asking local businesses if they would pay for their Google My Business listings. This possibility raises concerns about the impact on organic rankings.

More SEO tips for Amazon, including discussion of the various factors involved.

If pages on your website aren’t indexed by Google, there are some steps you can take to fix them. (For websites only, not Etsy shops)

Advanced/semi-advanced content: Great tips on using bookmarklets in Chrome to get SEO things done quickly. (A lot of these involve tools that work best in the paid version, so I suspect most of us will not have much use for this, yet.)

Possible Google algorithm update last week. (I am seeing changes)

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails)

Looking for new hashtags for your social media accounts? Try: https://www.tagshitter.com (apologies for the name; that’s what they call it. It’s good, too! Just like its regular keyword research partner, http://keywordshitter.com/ )

Email subject lines [infographic] are crucial to top interaction with your newsletter etc. Includes Dos & Don’ts, plus the shockingly low open rates in most industries.

Selling through social media directly is a great way to avoid people losing interest as they keep clicking. Note that this seems to work best with items under $50, though, which they suggest solutions to in the next part of the article.

Despite all the scandals and negative media coverage, US social media use hasn’t really changed in the past few years. “A 2018 Center survey found that some Facebook users had recently taken steps to moderate their use of the site – such as deleting the Facebook app from their phone or taking a break from the platform for some time. But despite these findings and amid some high profile controversies, Facebook users as a whole are just as active on the site today as they were a year ago.”

Facebook scandal watch: FB’s “stock price jumped after it said it expects to incur a fine of up to $5 billion from the Federal Trade Commission. And that’s all you really need to know about whether the historically large penalty matters to the company.”

Also:

they admitted to asking for your email password then importing all of your contacts. “...Facebook disclosed to Business Insider that 1.5 million people's contacts were collected this way and fed into Facebook's systems, where they were used to improve Facebook's ad targeting, build Facebook's web of social connections, and recommend friends to add.”

The Canadian Privacy Commissioner is taking FB to court over breaches of Canadian privacy law.

But hey, it’s all fine, because they beat earnings expectations in the first quarter.

70% of YouTube videos watched are recommended by its algorithm. “ The recommendations are fueled by the artificial-intelligence arm, Google Brain, of YouTube’s parent company. The machine-learning models help identify videos that aren’t exactly what you just watched, but similar enough that you might like them.“

Does directing people to the link in your Instagram bio really work? Testing says that it probably doesn’t work for most accounts, and more importantly, that Instagram may be limiting the algorithm visibility of posts that direct visitors to the link in your bio.

Twitter has now limited the number of accounts you can follow in 1 day, to 400 down from 1000; this is intended to cut back on spammers.

US Twitter users are better educated & better off than the average American.(Good article for target market considerations)

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS)

Amazon is reducing/removing the ads for its own products, possibly due to increased complaints of unfair competition. “Amazon is now the third-largest digital advertising platform, behind Google and Facebook”, and could grow 50% this year alone, based on projections.

Facebook retargeting tips. And everything you need to know about the Facebook pixel for tracking your ad performance.

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING

Some Google Analytics tips for websites - almost beginner level!

The Google Search Console delays are nearly all fixed.

Stats programs all give you different numbers, and that isn’t likely to improve. (This piece is semi-advanced; don’t bother with it if you aren’t a stats geek.)

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS

eBay’s Spring Marketplace Updates include several back end changes and a fee increase for sellers who run afoul of eBay’s seller performance standards.

Amazon sellers can buy so-called “black hat” services to beat its algorithms. These include tips from Amazon employees who are making money by reporting on Amazon’s inner workings. Amazon “also said it takes action against sellers who pay for internal information; penalties include terminating their selling accounts, deleting reviews, withholding funds, and taking legal action.” No doubt the company already has closed some of the loopholes discussed in the article.

Amazon also fires warehouse workers by algorithm, based on productivity.

GoDaddy launches an ecommerce sharing tool that lets you list across multiple websites including your standalone. Current marketplace options include Etsy, Amazon, eBay, Jet & Walmart. They bought Sellbrite as part of this move. Quite a few different entities are releasing this type of service, so shop around if it is something you are interested in.

eBay released their 1st quarter 2019 results on April 23. Total sales were down 4% from 2018 (they were close to even when currency fluctuations were accounted for), but eBay’s own income from seller fees was up. “eBay reduced their marketing by a significant amount where their cash was being used to effectively subsidise the sales of high value items. Put simply, eBay have been buying sales and now they’ve stopped and this has seen a reduction in high ticket items being sold in comparison to sales of lower value items.” Easter being later this year may have slowed ecommerce growth overall in the quarter.

...but Amazon reported record revenue, up 16.9% over 2018. Despite that, analysts note that growth is slowing, & that Amazon’s own projections for the second quarter are lower than many predicted. “Amazon’s CFO Brian Olsavsky said during the call with analysts that part of the lower guidance is due to an $800 million investment in making free one-day delivery shipping the default for Prime members.” - if you thought buyers wanted stuff yesterday already, wait til this becomes the norm ... I mean, Walmart & Target stocks fell after the announcement. Walmart is already hinting at offering the same.

You can return your Amazon purchases at Kohl’s in the US, starting everywhere in July. Ease of returns is going to be a bigger battleground in the next few years, as retailers continue to increase free & speedy shipping options.

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE

Generation Z will be making 40% of US retail purchases by next year; they are going to change a lot about selling. “ Fair trade products, ethical business practices, and a strong mission statement have never been more essential. Vend reports, “Research has shown that this particular generation cares about various environmental issues (76% are concerned about humanity’s impact on the planet) as well as social causes such as racial, gender, and income inequality.” [Gen Z come after millennials, and are currently more numerous than millennials or boomers.]

Millennials & Gen Z are big gift card buyers in the US - over 1/3 buy a card every 3 months.

Brick & mortar stores & malls are using your phone location data (location analytics) to make marketing and product decisions. “Every company interviewed for this story said it chooses not to use information that could identify individuals. But for the most part they’re on an honor system because rules governing data remain relatively lax.” This surprised me: “To glean details, including an individual’s age, income, ethnicity, education level, number of children and more, firms connect the phone’s evening location with U.S. Census data”

MISCELLANEOUS

US copyright law: the USSC rules that your copyright registration must be finished/approved before you can sue an infringer in federal court.

If you hate Gmail’s current layout, you will love this Chrome extension.

And if you use Google Sheets fairly often, you will likely learn something useful from these tips.

Google’s parent company, Alphabet, missed industry revenue expectations in the first quarter of 2019.

#seo #search engine optimization #etsynews #analytics #stats #social media #contentmarketing #ecommerce #smallbiz #cindylouwho2newsupdates

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technicolorfamiliar · 5 years

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The Artist vs Social Media

I have been sharing my feelings about art and its ever-growing relationship to social media with a number of people recently. I wrote a bit about it here some months ago, but that was primarily focused on reactions to different types of art I was posting on different platforms. Without a doubt, it’s been something that’s given me pause for a while, and I have a suspicion I can’t be the only person that feels this way.

To be clear: this is not meant to be an attack on the people who enjoy and excel at being a creative on social media. It is purely an expression of my own frustration, a cry out to others who have struggled with the same issues, because I know I’m not alone.

First of all, my personal style just doesn’t compliment a successful social media presence, I’m such a fan of the long-format, in general. I don’t want anything in my life to be bite-sized, cropped, or condensed. I struggle to convey the concepts teeming in my heart in a limited number of characters and pixels. As I am evolving as an artist, I enjoy incorporating many layers of meaning, drawing on a multitude of sources for inspiration. Social media, for the most part, wants to condense, compartmentalize, limit. It’s short-format, lacks fluidity, and promotes shorter attention spans. It feels counterintuitive to the kind of art I love and the art I want to be making.

For as streamlined and easy as social media has made sharing artwork with the great big world out there, it’s also birthed a lot of additional anxiety and despair. At least that’s been my experience. Some people have taken to social media like ducks to water, they are thriving in an endless stream of posts and pictures and stories. But this particular artmaker finds the rise of social media more like an impossible mountain, and climbing it is a requirement.

I envy the artists and makers who have figured out how to hack social media in order to promote their work and their brand. These people make it look easy, like social media integration with one’s art practice is as simple as breathing. I understand how it is crucial now as any kind of artist to have a big social media presence. But despite that understanding, I still have a lot of issues with it.

I was in art school in the still relatively early days of Instagram. Facebook and Twitter were big, but I didn’t really ever get too deeply involved in either platform. For me, Facebook was mostly for staying in touch with friends and family back home. I didn’t even have a smart phone until some time after I graduated. The school I attended encouraged us to build a website, get a business card, but there was no way to prepare us for the expansion of these apps among others that would emerge later on. This is not a sorry attempt at an excuse for my complicated relationship with social media, because there are a lot of artists in their early 30s right now who are very clearly doing well in that arena.

Circa 2009 – 2011, using social media for networking was beginning to be a real thing to consider. Having a Facebook page and separate Instagram and Twitter accounts devoted to your craft in addition to your website and blog in order to reach all possible professional connections was increasingly important. And now, they are all absolutely essential. People think you must be kidding yourself if you’re making art and don’t have a social media presence. I’ve caught myself being judgmental of young artists who aren’t on social media. But then I’m reminded of my own issues with Facebook and Instagram and all the others and I think maybe I should shut my mouth.

—

That’s the background. The real thing I’m trying to say is this:

Social media is exhausting.

I hate it.

For all the good content being generated and shared on FB, IG, etc there are a thousand mentally and emotionally draining posts being shared by people who, by and large, aren’t on social media to promote their craft. And that’s fine, people should have a place to vent their frustrations, laugh at funny or un-funny memes, share recipes and cute animal videos, get 100+ validating reactions to their photos, post thoughts/criticisms/ideas too long for Twitter but too short for a blog…

But to expect an artist generating original content to compete with everything else being blasted on every social media platform is complete and utter unrealistic nonsense.

—

My big, huge, major beef with social media is the totally insane decision to stop having posts featured in chronological order on pretty much every major platform. This really hurts creative people who are trying to get exposure, share their work to the world (or at least their friends and followers), and requires them to generate even more content, or share the same post over and over again in the hopes that their painting or photo or video somehow makes it over all the other posts from everybody else that are only just so much noise. Trying to get noticed or share your work with likeminded creatives you don’t already know is like shouting in a canyon full of other people shouting, drowned out by all the other voices and the echoes of the voices.

But that’s not the only thing about social media that keeps me up at night.

There are people on social media who have become experts in making their lives look like perfect, magical journeys of self discovery and growth and good fortune. Seeing their perfectly composed, perfectly lit photos of what is supposedly their daily lives, their brunches, their cocktails, their pets, their clothes, their travels, their significant others, and whatever else makes me want to not even try. Why should I even bother to try to compete with that? Looking at those kinds of posts immediately makes me feel inferior because 1) I’m not living that theoretically beautiful, charmed life, and 2) I’m not generating masses of content like that of my own experience. I look at my weird little life and there’s hardly anything photo- or post-worthy, at least not on a daily basis, not enough to get above everyone else’s noise. When did having a social media presence become an art form in and of itself? One of my very close friends described social media as performance art, which is probably the best description of this phenomenon I’ve ever heard. I’m not saying it’s not hard work — in order to project this perfect life, you have to be a photographer, or at least know and/or have the money to pay for one, be a master of self-marketing, and you have to set aside the time in your day to make the posts (more on that in a bit). But as someone with at least half a brain, I know that the content being gobbled up by glowing, supportive friends and followers is only a version of reality.

I know I’m not the only one who feels utterly alienated by the “perfect lives” being presented on social media, and I know that it’s not most people’s intention to alienate their friends by posting gorgeous photographs and positive affirmations of their own journeys.

And yet, even just thinking about it is exhausting. It’s a destructive and deadly combination of self-loathing and self-doubt inspired by the vast majority of what I see on Facebook and Instagram with knowing full well that those feelings are totally unfounded since the posts are not a true reflection of reality. It doesn’t motivate me, it doesn’t inspire me to follow their lead, it doesn’t get my blood pumping. It just makes me tired.

—

By my nature, I am a relatively private person. I have no real desire to share my private life with strangers, and it’s a struggle for me to open up to acquaintances. I have a hard time talking about myself, my dreams and aspirations, my needs and wants with other people. I keep to myself, I have a small circle of close friends and family with whom I share things openly.

There’s nothing like the gut-wrenching feeling you get when you’re talking passionately about your art or your interests or your hopes for the future with someone and seeing the very moment their eyes glaze over with disinterest. It’s a special kind of soul-crushing dismissal that has lead me to live an introvert’s life. Because why, after all, would I share anything with people when that’s the reaction I often got in my youth when sharing with my peers?

The whole grand purpose of social media is to share. Share everything and share often. Artists who hold regular jobs and don’t have an abundance of free time or energy to devote to generating social media content on top of the art they’re already making need to find that magical balance. The Buzzfeed article about burnout that was circulating a few months ago touches on this a bit. Work + Art + Self Promotion. That’s always been the case for artists looking to make a profit off their work, but now it’s on a whole other level and puts creatives in direct competition with social media influencers and everyone else on FB, IG, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, etc. When I say time and energy, I mean the lack of energy I personally have after a working a job that already requires me to use my creativity, strategy, and organizational skills. When I get home or when I finish a job, I want to recharge so I can have the energy and motivation to actually sit in my studio and make new art. I struggle with budgeting out my time and energy for taking photos, writing cute little descriptions, thinking up clever hashtags, and setting timers to remind me when to post in order to get the most views.

I’m over-focused right now on making the art, in finding my voice as an illustrator, in re-vamping my portfolio and considering the future of my practice. I would need a personal assistant to run my social media accounts in an effective and professional way, and I don’t understand how other artists don’t have assistants. Or maybe they do. At the very least it would require me to have my phone in my hand far more than I already do, so another reason to keep it on me, especially in my studio while I’m in the zone, working, makes me feel gross.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Emma… you took all this time to write and edit this long blog post. Surely you could have used that time to work on content for your IG or FB accounts.” And you would be right. However, I’m in a place mentally and emotionally where I see the social media game, I understand it, but I just don’t want to play it. Not the way we’re all expected to if we want to get noticed. I’m not a performance artist, I’m not extroverted enough, my process doesn’t lend itself to this new gold standard of being an artist in the 21st century. Am I making big strides to change my process? Not really, because the very nature of social media feels inauthentic to me and the work I want to be making.

—

In the end… I don’t really know how to make social media work for me and my own journey as an artist. It would be great if there was some compromise, some middle path for people like me who are rubbed the wrong way by hashtags and stories and filters. Is there even a possibility for existing any other way as an artist today? Because everyone I know who creates any kind of art seems to have accepted and figured out the key to doing well on social media. It’s almost not even worth airing my grievances since I’m not willing to completely change and conform to something that does not feel right to me.

I’ll just keep plugging along as I have been until I figure it out. Or some kind souls who have been through a similar conundrum swoop in and offer their wisdom and insight.

#my writing #art vs social media #long post

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fearofaherobrine · 6 years

Text

Roleplay Server Log #380

"Licht on the Server, EAlex goes irl, Slenders Reunited”

-There's the jangling of keys as Licht fumbles at the door, finally opening it and stepping inside. She tosses her coat onto a nearby chair and wobbles a little. She's obviously been drinking a little as she makes her way into her room-

[EAlex] looks out of the computer screen- Licht? Are you injured??

[Licht] - No no, I'm fine, just had a biiiiit too much to drink

[EAlex] Why does imbibing liquid make you walk like that?

[Licht] - Because alcohol

[EAlex] Does it have a poison effect?

[Licht] - I suppose you could say that

[EAlex] I'm sorry. That's awful. Would you like me to mess up the computer of whoever poisoned you? I bet I can knock the wi-fi off a phone pretty easily.

[Licht] - I willingly drank it, we were celebrating

[EAlex] Stares at her for a moment. - No offense, but humans are strange and inexplicable.

[Licht] - I don't do it often, but an officer who was a great mentor to me retired today so we gave him a farewell party

[EAlex] Did I miss anything? I mean, I'm not complaining. Just curious.

[Licht] - No, you probably would have been bored. Just a lot of talk about the past and things he had done

[EAlex] Oh, okay. To my chagrin I ended up on YouTube, and Ebay briefly. I didn't buy anything though.

[Licht] - Then you have better restraint than most

[EAlex] Well.... I'd have to borrow money from you. I'm not going to embezzle online or anything. -chuckles- Then you'd have to bust me for stealing.

[Licht] - I think I'd be more likely to be blamed than you since you can't come out here- Licht sits and starts taking her shoes off

[EAlex] Leans against an icon. - I don't want to get you in trouble anyway. -pauses- Hey I found out something neat, wanna see?

[Licht] - Sure, why not

[EAlex] Shoves against the flat picture on the desktop and brings up the control panel and then the wallpaper. She scrolls a little and changes it to a stock photo of a very pretty empty beach with clear blue water. She shoves against it with her back to Lich and kind of falls through a small barrier and onto the sand at a larger size that fits the photo before kicking around in the shallow water like she's there. - Neat huh?

[Licht] - Lucky, you get to take a vacation whenever you want

[EAlex] Kinda. I can't go any farther then what's visible. It's like an invisible wall on the sides you can't see from there. And you can always visit me with a little help.

[Licht] - I'm well aware of that- She heads over to her closet to change into some more comfortable clothes before sitting down in front of the computer and moving the mouse to hover over a familiar icon-

[EAlex] Watching the mouse, almost afraid to say something that might make her change her mind.

[Licht] Sighs and clicks on it, pulling up Minecraft- Little too drunk to do much else

[EAlex] Awww. I'm happy anyway. I want to show you my build! - She scoots over to the loading window and hops in-

[Licht] - Alright, just let everything load first

[EAlex] From the computer in general - I have another suprise for you too once you get in!

[Licht] Clicks on the world and waits for the terrain to download- Alright, I'm in

[EAlex] Has set her to third person- Suprise! I made you a skin! - It looks like a decent likeness of Licht in some of her [non work] ordinary clothes.

[Licht] - Well it's certainly better than anything I could have done

[EAlex] Thanks! There's a website where you can recolor skins pixel by pixel. -She switches the view to first person again- The little dirt house is still there but there's a path stomped in the dirt with torches along it now leading away-

[Licht] - Alright then, lead the way

[EAlex] It'll take some of the fun out if it with you just using an avatar, but I'm too excited to wait! - They lead Licht down the path through some trees and a house comes into view. It's not huge but it is two stories and backed up to a strech of beach. The construction is mostly oak, glass, and some cobbles around the bottom.

[Licht] - A nice small house huh?

[EAlex] Well I'm in survival technically, so I did cut all the wood, mine the stone and cook the glass myself. - She opens the door for Licht- The entryway has a bit of white and gray carpet and a few scattered pictures and leads into a room with trunks and a couch made of wool blocks, a bit farther down is a kitchen area with a crafting table and furnaces-

[Licht] - Well at least you seem to have a well set up home to be safe in

[EAlex] Shy look- It's big enough for both of us if need be... But you should see the back too.- She leads outside the kitchen onto a nice porch. - I picked this spot for a reason besides the weather.

[Licht] Follows her out to see what the reason is-

[EAlex] She gestures down and there are sea turtles loafing on the shore. - There's a sea temple out there too, but I'm not tackling guardians until I'm better equipted.

[Licht] - Turtles? I wasn't aware those were in the game

[EAlex] They're new, I updated this seed myself! You should go swimming with me. It's safe near the shore and there's tons of new tropical fish, kelp and corals.

[Licht] - Is this why you changed my background to a beach?

[EAlex] Nah, that was just good to demonstrate with since I could kick up the water. It is a pretty photo though.

[Licht] - I see. You're sure it's safe near the shore?

[EAlex] Yeah. There's a few Drowned zombies but they move slow. We can just avoid them.

[Licht] - Alright, if you wanna go swimming then we can go swimming. Should I empty the boxes at the bottom of my screen first?

[EAlex] Nah. It's just stuff you're carrying. Just watch your bubbles. If you go to the top they'll fill up again just like taking a breath.

[Licht] - Got it, shall we?

[EAlex] Great- she wades into the water and the turtles turn to watch them curiously-

[Licht] Follows and watches some of the fish in the water-

[EAlex] Is enjoying herself immensely and shows Licht a partial wrecked ship buried in the sand and a bit of run that looks like it should be in a fishtank. Just some broken arches. and a bit of floor. The water is clear and blue, and judging by EAlex's smile, plesantly warm.

[Licht] Ducks under the water for a bit and then comes back up- Hey, where are the bubbles you said I should be seeing?

[EAlex] There aren't any bubbles on your bar? Wait... is there not a row of drumsticks either?

[Licht] - No?

[EAlex] Oh! You're still in creative! Then swim as deep as you want. The mobs won't bother you and you can't drown. There's some lovely coral below us.

[Licht] - Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone if you don't want to be left alone

[EAlex] I'll be okay. I'll stay just above you.

[Licht] - Alright- She sinks under the waves to go look at the coral

-There's tons of it in many colors and lots of curious little fish, as she gets close a pufferfish plumps in suprise and makes a rather amusing noise. -

[Ealex] Chuckles- They're so silly-

-There's a veritable forest of waving kelp and a Drowned zombie turns to look but not pursue her. It also makes weird noises-

[Licht] - Well, you can't deny that the Mojang staff put their heart and soul into this game...

[EAlex] Maybe that's why my kind arise here... it's a beautiful waiting world big enough for us all to be born into.

[Licht] - And yet from what I've seen your kind still gets persecuted

[EAlex] Brushes a gentle hand against a clownfish as it passes- Some of us... aren't nice. Maybe it's a side effect of being too powerful. They become bored gods tormenting players. Not everyone appreciates the wilderness. And... not every NOTCH allows a peaceful existence.

[Licht] - You know, I'm sure the sanctuary might have some answers for us...

[EAlex] You have questions of your own?

[Licht] - There are things I still don't understand, and I know there are things you want to learn and possibly have done to you

[EAlex] I'm still considering it... - she swims closer- I wouldn't mind being able to... make contact with you again. If it doesn't make you uncomfortable.

[Licht] - No it doesn't, I'd just like a little more warning before you suddenly go grabbing me

[EAlex] Okay. I was just a bit over-whelmed. You did save me after all.

[Licht] - And we do kinda owe them since we dropped that... Thing, practically onto their doorstep

[EAlex] I didn't see it, but I gleaned it was pretty horrifying. I'm not ashamed to admit there's plenty I don't know either.

[Licht] - Which is one reason I think you should be there, there's a lot you can learn there, especially about what you can possibly do and what your type are as a whole

[EAlex] Maybe... but I rather like having my own space too. You're... you're not trying to get rid of me.. are you?

[Licht] - No, not at all

[EAlex] I think I need to learn how to, 'seed hop' they called it? Then I can just visit when I need too.

[Licht] - Once you learn that you probably wouldn't need the cord to get to my phone either

[EAlex] Yeah... well could you at least tap one of the beds in the house so it'll be your spawn point here?

[Licht] - Yeah, sure- She heads back towards the shore and the house- Are the beds upstairs?

[EAlex] Steps around a corner and runs her clothes through her inventory to dry them - Yes! Just go up the stairs.

[Licht] Heads upstairs-

-The staircase is small but the room it opens into is the entirity of the second floor. There are two beds near to eachother but not touching and a half round, glass window with a few yellow, and light green panes taking up most of one wall. The daylight outside paints the room in colorful squares. The floor has a bit of yellow carpet and there are trunks and a few pictures against the walls. EAlex has also put an old gold sword in an item frame like a modest trophy.

[Licht] Observes the entire room, quickly memorizing it's layout before selecting the bed which looked like it hadn't been slept in yet and laying down in it-

-There's a bit of a cluck and a chicken wanders out from behind a trunk -

[Licht] - … Why is there a chicken up here?

[EAlex] Peeks up the steps- Oh! That's the one Doc spawned in your room.

[Chicken] bok. - Lays egg-

[EAlex] Comes up to collect it. - They're useful to have around-

[Licht] - If you say so...

[EAlex] You don't like chickens? - she tosses the chicken some seeds and they erupt in a gale of floating hearts. - Can't make a cake without eggs.

[Licht] - I've never been very good around farm animals- Has a few flashbacks to petting zoo incidents

[EAlex] Oh... okay. - She digs for a few fence pieces and makes a small pen. - I'll keep them away from you then. I don't want them to wander outside anyway.

[Licht] - You know, if you want to visit the other server to learn how to seed hop, I don't have work tomorrow

[EAlex] Is obviously excited but doesn't want to show too much. - I'd like that.

[Licht] Yawns and looks at the time- It's getting late out here, I think I'll go to bed, do you want me to call Doc in the morning?

[EAlex] Yes please. Thank you for playing with me for a bit.

[Licht] - You're welcome, do you want me to leave the game running?

[EAlex] It's up to you. I can get in either way. It just closes the viewing window on your computer.

[Licht] - I'll leave it open for you

[EAlex] Softly- Then sleep well my friend.

[Licht] Heads for bed and is soon asleep-

[CP] Tromps into Docs castle carrying a trunk on his shoulder- Oi! TLOT!

[Steve] is pruning the hanging vines and jumps in alarm- he's outside in the back cutting sugar cane. Why ya gotta be so loud?

[CP] - Because Lie wants this gone- He motions at the trunk

[Steve] Do I dare ask what it is?

[CP] Puts it down- Take a look for yourself

[Steve] Is basically too curious for his own good and peeks in the trunk- FUCKING NETHER! - he scuttles back quickly and coughs-

[CP] Just has a shit eating grin-

[Steve] You suck.

[CP] - You're the one who willingly looked in the chest

[Steve] May you have to change all the really stinky diapers.

[CP] - I'll save the worst for you

[Steve] What makes you think I'm babysitting?

[CP] - I'm psychic, and you already adore my daughter

[Steve] bristles- Still not going to let you push responsibilities on me.

[CP] - Well of course not, but Lie and I will occasionally need time to ourselves

[Steve] slightly smug- Then I guess you should be nicer to me if you're asking for favors.

[CP] - Whatever, just give the cheese to the gaudy one

[Steve] He already knows. I think you forget sometimes that talking to one of us is basically talking to both.

[Lie] After a few days of being stuck in the house with the baby she feels like making a bit of mischief. n She pulls out her phone and starts texting Dofta- Hey, sorry if I'm waking you up, I don't know what time it is for you, but I thought you should know that there's a new brine on the server

[Dofta] oh! That's good. Did you find another wandering brine? Perhaps save someone?

[Lie] Gets up and takes a picture of her sleeping baby and sends it- Not quite...

[Dofta] Oh my goodness!!! She's so tiny! But she's glitched?

[Lie] - The seed is reacting to her like she's a native brine, but her eyes aren't glowing. We think that might start happening when she starts being able to see something other than light and movement

[Dofta] So what have you named her? She's yours isn't she? You and Cps little Herobrine.

[Lie] - Yes she's ours, and her name is Aether. Yster was actually just here and left the evening before she was born

[Dofta] Oh for... so she missed it? Was it weird???

[Lie] - Yes she missed it, and as far as I know it was like a normal human birth... Which I suppose on our end would be weird since we're digital- She notes Aether is starting to wake up and snaps another quick pic so Dofta can see her eyes

[Dofta] Awww she's so sweet. Are you okay...? A normal birth involves quite a bit of blood and screaming...

[Lie] - Yeah, had three doctors there and TLOT was handling CP

[Dofta] Laughs- A husband can be pretty in the way in a situation like that! I'm happy for you.

[Lie] - Plus if I were to hurt him while angry it would cause permanent damage

[Dofta] That too! Geeze... You're both lucky to have so many helpful friends.

[Lie] - Yeah, I think I might try taking Aether out today, she hasn't been outside yet

[Dofta] Outside the house or out-out?

[Lie] - Outside the house, but don't worry, I'll send her out with her farfar to visit you guys before her glow becomes too noticeable

[Dofta] Oh good! Should I tell the others? Or have it be a suprise?

[Lie] - We can surprise them, just let me know when a good time will be

[Licht] Pulls up outside the office with a yawn and glances at EAlex on her phone- You ready?

[EAlex] Is wearing a small chest like a backpack- Yep. I'm ready.

[Licht] Goes up to the door and knocks-

[Fangbo] Comes to answer the door. - Oh... hi. - Let's her in- I hope you don't have more bad news for us?

[Licht] - No, is Dofta here?

[Fangbo] She is- leads the way-

[Dofta] Can be heard using talk to text on her phone- She's so darling Lie!

[Licht] - I hope I'm not interrupting anything?

[Dofta] Oh! Um... - her eyes flip back between the two- I'm just on the phone with a friend.

[Licht] - Speaking of friends- She wiggles her phone a little

[Fangbo] Am I needed here?

[Dofta] No... thank you Fangbo.

[Fangbo] Leaves and shuts the door-

[Dofta] Concerned look at Licht's phone- Is EAlex okay???

[Licht] - She's fine, she just wants to visit the other server and start learning how to seed hop. Isn't... Isn't Lie one of the brines on that server?

[Dofta] Yes, and- she's obviously bursting with supressed excitement- She had her baby! The first child concieved by two Herobrines. I mean, that we know of. It didn't trip anything weird on the main server, but it's so exciting!

[Licht] - A baby? Wow, she's gonna be busy

[Lie] - Dofta?

[EAlex] That's going to be a handful. Chances are good she'll have powers....

[Dofta] Oh! Lie! Licht is here and she brought EAlex, like on her phone.

[Lie] - Do I need to open a portal? I don't know how to get EAlex off the phone though...

[Dofta] At Licht- Lie can let you in okay. - at Lie- and I'm betting someone there can help her off the phone.

[Lie] - Yeah, true. Dofta, is your computer on? And do you want to visit as well?

[Dofta] Yes and yes!

[Lie] Laughs a little before creating a portal using Dofta's computer- Come on in

[Dofta] Eager hop and shift into her Mc skin- She flaps her little dragon wings happily and hugs Lie- Congratulations!

[Licht] Hesitates and follows Dofta through, shifting into her new Minecraft skin-

[Lie] Laughs a little- Not so loud, she only just woke up

[Aether] Kicks her legs a little

[Dofta] Goes right to the baby and starts making little noises at her- AWWW!

[EAlex] Can you hold up the phone so I can see?

[Licht] Steps closer and holds it up so she can see- That is a tiny baby

[Lie] Starts digging around and pulls out a fresh onesie and a fresh diaper- Time for a change I think

[CP] Comes in from trying to wear Blake out-

[EAlex] Is a bit speechless.-

[Blake] Way too excited- Boof!

[CP] - Why the fuck won't you settle down- He heads for the bedroom and frowns as he see's their visitors- The fuck is happening now?

[Dofta] Oh hi Cp! Just visiting. Congrats to you too! Your daughter is so cute!

[CP] Motions at Licht- And she's here why?

[Licht] - EAlex would like to learn how to seed hop

[CP] - Well I don't see them

[Dofta] She's on the phone.

[Blake] Inspects Licht- Urf?

[Licht] - That's a large dog...

[CP] - Well then that can be her first lesson, learning how to get off

[EAlex] Can I get a hint on how to do that???

[CP] Just grabs Licht's phone from her-

[Licht] - Hey!

[CP] - Start by looking at the code

[EAlex] You mean like the operating system for the phone itself? It's pretty basic.

[CP] - Now can you see the coding of this server?

[EAlex] From inside? Not really... but I can feel the difference from out there and in here.

[CP] - Well then it sucks to be you

[Dofta] That's mean Cp! Everyone learns in different ways. Maybe she's more prone to feeling things out then reading them directly.

[CP] - Actually that reminds me, tell your boss to stop fucking bothering me

[Dofta] confused- why is he bothering you? OH! Is it what you did with the phantoms? That was brilliant!

[EAlex] Is trying to brute force the phone and making it shake around-

[CP] - No shit, he's already called a few times since! And you can't just force it, you have to integrate yourself

[EAlex] Okay... - She starts feeling around again and there are a few hopeful crackles around the phone like a minor electrical glitch-

[Dofta] Does he have something else for you to fix? We've been having some minor issues with the Vexes...

[CP] - Oh for fucks sake no! I do not want the fucking job!

[Dofta] But you would be good at it...

[CP] Exasperated noises-

[Lie] Laughs a little as she picks Aether up- Calm down CP

[EAlex] Suddenly tumbles out of the phone with a yelp- Yes!

[CP] - There, you figured it out

[EAlex] Gives him a slight frown- Someone taught you to do this stuff didn't they?

[CP] - Nope

[Dofta] I thought the Zelda guy taught you? BEN?

[CP] - Only how to get Irl

[Blake] Licks Licths hand experimentally.

[Dofta] Hmm.

[Licht] - Good dog?

[Blake] Obviously slightly annoyed at being called a dog, but still friendly enough- urf.

[Lie] - That's Blake, he used to be human

[Licht] - Wait, what?

[Blake] Pads over to Lie.

[Dofta] So he's a werewolf?

[Lie] - Just wolf, he was being driven mad so Dawn changed him- She smiles at him since she's holding Aether

[Blake] Happy panting-

[Dofta] Oh, the witch? I guess as long as he's okay with it.

[EAlex] How hard is it to get irl anyway?

[Lie] - It's not necessarily hard to get out there, it's what happens afterwards

[EAlex] Is it... something bad?

[CP] - Immense pain, for weeks

[EAlex] Swallows hard- But after that you can come and go?

[Lie] - Yes, you can- She's sending a private message to Hera

[EAlex] Looks to Licht- I'd like to do that... but I'd obviously need help...

[CP] - You'd need somebody to keep an eye on you

[Licht] - If she's at my place that can be handled easily

[EAlex] You wouldn't mind? I don't want to be a hassle....

[Licht] - No, I mean you'd be alone for about eight hours most days while I'm at work...

[Lie] - Well EAlex will be completely unconscious for about a week or so, so there won't be much you can do during that time

[EAlex] When we go then, if... that's okay Licht?

[Licht] - Yeah, that should be fine

[EAlex] Dusts herself off -

[Herabrine] scoots in the door unannounced- She's here? Hi!

[EAlex] ... hello?

[Lie] - EAlex? This is Hera, she's a glitched Alex, like you

[Licht] Is looking at the size difference between the two-

[Herabrine] Floats up to EAlex's eye level and sticks out a hand- Herabrine. Glad to see another, I was pretty sure I was the only one.

[EAlex] I'm pretty sure I was supposed to spawn as a normal Herobrine and got... cockblocked is a good word I guess...

[Aether] Makes a grumpy face-

[Lie] - Oooh, no no no, please don't start crying

[CP] Goes to grab a blanket in case Aether needs to feed-

[Herabrine] Who's your friend? You got a random player buddy? - floats over to Licht.

[Licht] - I'm Licht...

[EAlex] She's my friend, I guess we're sorta roommates?

[Herabrine] Smirks- Found a summoner instructional on Youtube or something?

[Aether] Starts crying-

[CP] Hands Lie the blanket-

[Licht] - In a chest when the world spawned

[Herabrine] That's oddly convenient...

[EAlex] It was a trick... another entity invaded her computer and took my spawn.

[Herabrine] That's rough man. Are you coming to stay with us?

[EAlex] Just visiting to get some lessons for now- gestures at Cp-

[Herabrine] Oh, from old sourpuss? He does know his shit, I'll give him that.

[CP] Flips Hera off-

[Lie] Covers herself and starts feeding Aether- There you go, settle down

[Dofta] Awww. Who's a happy baby?

[Herabrine] Love you too Cp.

[Licht] - EAlex, is there anything else you want to do while we're here?

[EAlex] Well I wanted Cp to help me seed hop... But I guess I could ask Doc instead....

[CP] - Well you figured out how to get off the phone, figure out the rest on your own

[Lie] - Says the one who still panics when I go into the digital realm by myself

[EAlex] Yeah... I'll ask Doc...

[Herabrine] Has turned to Lie and is murmuring sweet nothings to Aether.

[Lie] - Me thinks Auntie Hera is going to spoil her niece rotten...

[CP] - Go ask them then, if you can find them

[EAlex] Bristles- I will then! - She heads for the door- Come on Licht! Let's go!

[Licht] - Congratulations on the baby- She then goes to follow EAlex

[EAlex] Looks around outside and stomps past the small horse pen- He makes me so mad... -

-The chain chomp bounces up from it's spot by the honesty blossoms and startles Licht- AR Ar Ar ARR!

[Licht] - THAT'S NOT NORMAL!

[EAlex] Jumps as well- Sheesh! Bet you an emerald it's from another game.

[Licht] - It is, even I recognize that

[Chomp] Satisfied with a job well done. - Ar!

[EAlex] Gives it some space- Lie makes flowers right? Maybe it's guarding whatever blooms are in that pen. -

[Splender] Is happily fishing on the shore-

[Doc] Wanders over to Splender's house and says pleasantly- Hi neighbor! Catch anything good?

[Splender] Smiles brightly- Just some boots!

[Doc] Awww, what kind?

[Splender] - Leather! Two pairs! And one of them is shiny!

[Doc] The shiny one likely has an enchantment at least.

- one of the sea dragons floats by a bit off the shore-

[Doc] Points at it- that's probably why. The big critter scaring off the littler fish. How's Trender doing?

[Splender] - Doing well! So is my mother!

[Doc] Have you lured her out of the house at all?

[Splender] - A bit more often now

[Doc] Good. We've had such nice weather these past few days. Been getting behind on my side work since I can't seem to sit still inside for too long.

[Splender] Laughs and then tenses a little-

[Doc] Are you okay? You look a bit.. stressed...

[Splender] - It's time for the changing of the guard... Are you sure you want to be here?

[Doc] Gets up excitedly- And miss your big bro seeing his mom? I wouldn't miss this for anything!

[Splender] - Okay...- He sends a quick message to Trender before creating an opening with his tendrils

[Sally] Is the first one to run through- Splendy!

[Splender] Laughs and picks Sally up into a hug-

[Slender] Steps through, he's obviously a bit annoyed at the moment-

[Doc] Hello Sally, you're looking chipper. - Xe turns to Slender and looks up with a big smile. - And hello to you as well.

[Slender] - Doctor. Splender, where is Trender?

[Splender] - He's coming! He was in the house!

[Doc] Points a bit down the shore- He's staying in sight of his bro. Just give him a sec. We have a suprise for you anyway...

[Slender] - I am in no mood for surprises Doctor

[Trender] Comes up, making certain that Mirabella is not visible behind him- Hello brother

[Slender] - Trender, did everything go alright

[Trender] - Yes, very much so

[Sally] - Hi Trender!

[Doc] Oh, but I think you'll be happy. - Eyebrow waggle at Trender-

[Splender] - Brother brother brother! Guess what!

[Slender] Sighs- What is it Splender?

[Splender] - We found mother!

[Slender] Tenses, becoming very wary- You what?

[Trender] Steps aside to let Slender see Mirabella-

[Mirabella] - Slender...

[Doc] Is all smiles- You know how there's a ritual for summoning you? A friend and I kinda, tweeked it a bit.

[Mirabella] Approaches cautiously, feeling her eldest's unease- It's alright, he did not follow me here. You are still safe

[Slender] - Mother...

[Sally] Looks between the familiar slender beings and Mirabella- Papa? Who is she?

[Doc] She's kinda your... grandma I guess?

[Mirabella] Reaches for Slender- My you've grown so tall... And this must be the little one that Doc told me about...

[Sally] Hides behind Slender a little-

[Doc] It's okay Sally. She's very nice.

[Slender] Let's Mirabella touch his face- I was certain he would have killed you after what you did...

[Doc] She told me he'd basically ignored her, we've just been trying to get her out in the sun and socialize a bit.

[Mirabella] - It's alright Slender, we have plenty of time to talk

[Sally] - Papa...

[Splender] - Come on Sally, let's go play in my house

[Trender] - How about you let me out first

[Splender] - Oh! Right!- He opens another way and Trender pets Sally's head before bidding his brothers good bye and leaving

[Doc] Very sappy expression. -Thanks for hanging out with us Trender. And nice job on your moms clothes too. Very flattering.

[Trender] - They're much less enslaving now

[Doc] Even better. Stick it to the man. - Little fist salute for Trender.

[Trender] Steps out and Splender closes the portal-

[Doc] Checks to make sure everyone is doing okay and slips away with a happy spring in hir step. Xe types a quick whisper to Deerheart- That was nice. He didn't have much of a look on his face obviously, but I got the gist.

[Deer] - Good, and Mirabella deserves to reconnect with her children again

[Doc] Also dashes off a whisper to Cp- Just a heads up, Slender's here and Sally too. But I think he's going to be quite busy chatting with his mom for a while.

[CP] - WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM ON!? HE COULD INFECT AETHER!

[Doc] chat- Because it was his turn to watch over Splender? What was I supposed to say???

[CP] Frustrated keyboard smash-

[Doc] chat- Oh chill. Even if she was infected I could reverse it easily. Don't be like that.

[CP] - I don't care!

[Doc] chat- He doesn't even know she exists ding-dong. Keep your cool and it can stay that way.

[CP] Goes to punch his punching bag-

[Doc] Sends Cp a winky emoji - Trust me.

[CP] - Fuck off

[EAlex] Reaches the spawn and looks around in confusion. - This is a super weird seed. These two trees look like they're made of chocolate and ice cream and these headstone inscriptions are very silly. And they have a... skeleton horse rental business?

[Licht] - I've learned to just stop questioning things here...

[EAlex] It's creative, I'll give them that. And someone has certainly beefed up the Testificate village. I've never seen one with such a high wall around it.

[CN] Comes flying in in his bird form, clutching a few cold flowers in his small talons-

[EAlex] Spots the little bird- Umm...

[CN] Tosses the flowers as he shifts so he can grab them with his hand- Hi!

[EAlex] Leaps in alarm- IT'S A NOTCH!

[CN] - Um... I'm Lie's NOTCH, CN

[EAlex] Is still really wary -

[Licht] - Why are you here?

[CN] - Lie sent me to give these to you, they're cold flowers!- He holds the flowers out

[EAlex] Takes them cautiously- Lie sent you...? Why are you giving us flowers?

[CN] - She said you were planning on going irl? She said they'll be helpful for the.. The... Fever? I think?

[Licht] - A fever?

[EAlex] Oh... thank you then. And thank her for me please. Do you know where I can find Doc?

[CN] - Maybe around the castle? That's usually a good bet

[EAlex] Looks around- Well... I'm guessing that's going to be the giant cobblestone build I can see a bit of over there? - points.

[CN] - Yeah!

[Licht] - Thank you for the information

[EAlex] Nods in appreciation and sets out that direction.

[Lj] Is outside watching amused as Yaunfen tries in vain to walk Fru on a leash. - I like this critter, it's got bangers.

[Waffles] Lounging in a nearby tree.

[Fru] Tries to chew the leash-

[Yaunfen] No! Bad!

[Licht] Pauses at the sight of the animals and LJ-

[EAlex] Umm, excuse me?

[Yaunfen] Oh, hi! Are you new here?

[EAlex] Just visiting.

[Lj] Points at Licht - You I know. How did you get here? Did you piss off Cp?

[Licht] - I was let in by his wife

[Lj] Oh, Lie. Yeah, she's nice.

[Yaunfen] Are you lost?

[Fru] Tries to run and gets pulled up short with the leash-

[Yaunfen] Heel!

[EAlex] we're not lost, just looking for Doc.

[Lj] Well you found their kid, Yaunfen.

[Licht] - That's their child?

[Yaunfen] Yep. Mada hatched me hirself.

[Lj] Don't be fooled by appearances, the Doc adopted a dragon while they were still an egg.

[EAlex] Somehow that doesn't suprise me...

[Licht] - Do you know where Doc currently is?

[Yaunfen] I can find out! - In chat- Mada, there are some people looking for you. By the side porch-

[Doc] chat- I'm down near the shore, I'll be there in a sec.

[Yaunfen] Headed this way now.

[EAlex] Thank you.

[Fru] Teeny roar.

[EAlex] That's a very unique animal.

[LJ] It's some kinda dinosaur, and judging by the texture, also part cake.

[Licht] - I'd be very careful with that creature of yours

[Yaunfen] Yeah, they're going to need lots of training. But Waffles is well behaved and I trained them. - Points to the sabertoothed cake cat in a nearby tree.

[Licht] - Let's hope that's the case...

[Doc] Comes up from the garden- Oh! Hello again! I got busy and I didn't see you come in.

[LJ] I take it Slender isn't mad at you for kidnapping his mom? You seem in good spirits.

[Doc] Not at all. I think he was more suprised then anything else.

[Licht] - Kidnapping?

[Doc] It's more noble then it sounds. She was in an abusive relationship and we stole her away from her husband and reuinited her with her sons.

[Licht] - I see...- She's not entirely convinced

[Yaunfen] nods- Mirabella deserves to be happy. The Wicker Man's a big meanie.

[EAlex] I actually came to ask you for a favor... I need to learn to seed hop and... I want to be real.

[Doc] Geeze... Let's not do both of those things in one day, just pick one for now. And I warn you, you will be laid up for a while if you choose to go out. Is someone willing to watch over you?

[Licht] - I already agreed to

[EAlex] Then... please take me out.

[Doc] If you really want too. Just be careful out there once you're recovered. There are human agents who will try to capture you if they can.

[Licht] - Before we go, there's a question I've been wanting to ask you

[Doc] Sure, what is it?

[Licht] - You say this place is a sanctuary, so why is there such a violent brine as CP here? It doesn't make much sense at all...

[Doc] Small laugh - Well... intially Lie was the one I took in, she used to be human. He was obsessed with her and followed. So my friends and I used that as a crowbar to start unpacking all of his personal issues and trying to help reform him. This is good behavior for him. He killed me several times when he was first brought in.

[Licht] - He did all that, but you let him stay?

[Doc] He was... afflicted, and not in his right mind at first.

[LJ] Sighs- It's a common thing for creepypastas to be partially posessed by the spirit of Insanity. She can make a person do horrific things without a second thought or a crumb of sympathy for the victims...

[Licht] - I see...

[Yaunfen] Picks up on the hint of sadness. - Don't be sad. We know you're trying.

[Doc] He's still an ass sometimes, but at least it isn't random anymore. And hey, if I didn't know him, he would still be the only Herobrine that could go irl.

[Licht] - The only one?

[Doc] Yes, it's a special trick. He can punt people out and they'll kind of adjust... he can also draw them in, and after a long stay in the digital realm the physical body just ceases to be and the person just becomes a digital entity on their own. Either direction it's painful. But it literally saved Markus's life.

[Licht] - Saved his life?

[Yaunfen] He had a hearts attack!

[Doc] Nods- He went into cardiac arrest and Cp pulled him inside before he passed. It gave me a chance to heal him with the local methods. I think if he would have tried to go out again before completely going digital, he would have resumed his cardiac failure and instantly died.

[Licht] - I see, I suppose it's a good thing then that he's still alive

[Doc] And now he's a Notch for real too. His MC skin just became his real shape in the process. You see why it was a hassle for him to try and meet with you. And also why he just up and vanished for so long.

[Licht] - Yeah, I guess so

[EAlex] What do you mean he's a real NOTCH, does he have powers?

[Doc] Some. He can make a shield thing around himself and others, and he has a weird loud shout that can actually damage things, hearing and otherwise.

[Licht] - Is that what happened in the apartment then? When his voice got louder?

[Doc] Yep. I consider it his dad voice. Usually stops Cp in his tracks too.

[LJ] Snickers-

[Licht] - It stops CP?

[Doc] He does respect Markus. I mean, as much as he respects anyone. Markus has been there for him in any way he could, and even let Cp beat up and kill his avatar multiple times without even fighting back. He knew Cp was in pain and lashing out at all NOTCHs because of it.

[Licht] - I hope this was before he entered the server...

[Doc] Yeah, it was.

[LJ] And there was his little brother...

[Doc] nods- That too. His little brother got a bad potion that turned him back into a child. Markus pretended to be their dad and helped take care of Stevie until he was cured of the effects. It really brought them all together. Cp had been estranged from Stevie for a very long time.

[Licht] - He has a brother?

[Yaunfen] Most brines come with a Steve!

[Doc] Yep. In Cp's case his Steve is his younger brother. He's a decent guy. Took him a very long time to settle in, he has trust issues and Cp does give him shit now and again.

[Licht] - That's not exactly uncommon amongst siblings...

[Doc] Exactly. But most of us came here with someone. A new seed has a very high chance of spawning a self-aware Steve, a smaller chance of getting an Alex too - Gestures at EAlex- and then an even smaller chance, just a sliver, of generating a Herobrine glitch. And if that happens, then the system counters with an automatically generated AI NOTCH to keep an eye on the brine so they don't do so much griefing that the players get driven off.

[Licht] - Sounds complicated

[EAlex] So like the little one that gave us these? - holds up the flowers-

[Doc] Yeah that's CN, he's a good kid. My NOTCH is decent too.

[Yaunfen] That's Buff. He's got huge muscles.

[Doc] Yeah, I got lucky. He's an overly helpful excercise nut, and the most annoying thing he does is noisy granola making way too early in the morning.

[Licht] - What happens if either the brine or the NOTCH dies?

[Doc] hesitates, remembering... - If the NOTCH dies, the system generates a new one. If the Herobrine dies... we don't know. Thankfully none of our Herobrines have died. I keep the server set to infinite respawn here to protect everyone.

[EAlex] Makes a grim face. -If you set a seed to hardcore, if the player dies, the seed deletes itself.

[Licht] - Yikes...

[Doc] Thankfully server space is cheap, and I've got lots of backups too. Keeps my family safe.

[Deer] Comes out- Hey, lunch is ready

[Yaunfen] Yay! Hey mom? Could you try ordering Fru around like you do the mobs?

[LJ] Speaking of family...

[Doc] Hello love. - blows her a kiss

[Deer] - I could try...- She concentrates a bit and frowns- That's... Odd...- She blows a kiss back

[Yaunfen] What is it?

[Fru] Curious noise-

[EAlex] You... are not a Herobrine. -she hesitates, feeling around the codes- Good grief... what are you miss?

[Deer] - Hm? Oh, I'm the server!

[EAlex] Is blinking at her, really seeing what's there - Like a spider... in the middle of a web of everything! - She looks at Licht in awe- It's like we're standing inside her soul!

[Doc] You kind of are. She's the physical manifestation of the world itself.

[Deer] - I'm not the only server here either

[Fru] Scoots over to Deerheart and tries to nom the bottom of her pants leg-

[Deer] - Fru no! I'm sorry Yaunfen, but there's something different about Fru, I can't urge them like the other mobs

[Yaunfen] Awww.... There's Cp's mom, Flux!

[LJ] And your shirtless friend with the sticks perpetually in his hair.

[Doc] Chuckles- Salvatage. He's a wild one.

[Fru] blach! - cloth flavor-

[Deer] - Exactly! Actually Yaunfen, you could try asking Salvatge about Fru, he may have better luck

[Yaunfen] Food first and then yeah! - They take out a chunk of chocolate chicken and offer it to Fru. The little dinosaur pounces on it and savages it to chunks-

[LJ] Ho-boy.

[Licht] - … Interesting diet there...

[Yaunfen] They're from a candy seed. Like me.

[Doc] It's their main diet. The whole world is made of cake, ice cream, frosting, candy, and chocolate.

[EAlex] Is that where the weird trees down the hill came from?

[Doc] Yup. They drop saplings that are also ice cream cones.

[Deer] - Come on Yaunfen, you need to eat too

[Yaunfen] Okay mom- They head inside, pulling the dino with them. - Come on Waffles!-

[Waffles] Hops down from the tree and pads after them, their frosted back and colorful sprinkles clearly visible as they pass Licht and EAlex-

[Licht] - Well then, are we going to head back or?

[EAlex] I'm ready if you are-

[Doc] Okay. I'll make a hole for you. - They shift into their larger shape with practiced ease-

[Licht] - I'm guessing we're coming out at my apartment?

[Doc] She's going to collapse the moment she steps out. So that would probably be for the best. And you'll want those flowers in your hand close by, they'll help your fever.

[EAlex] Passes the cold flowers to Licht and swallows hard.

[Doc] Shakes hir mane a little - Remember, soft food only once you actually wake up. You're going to feel like you ate lava and that's normal.

[Licht] - Alright then, let's do this

[Doc] Steps forward and slams hir head against reality itself, leaving a crackly edged hole that leads out of Licht's tv. - Licht, you go first. Catch her if you can.

[Licht] Steps through and waits on the other side, putting the flowers on her desk for now-

[EAlex] Quietly- Thank you Doc...

[Doc] Good luck out there.

[EAlex] Steps through the hole and has only a spilt second before the pain hits and she collapses-

[Licht] Moves forwards and grabs her- Hang on, I got you- She starts dragging her towards the bed-

[Doc] Pokes just the tip of hir snout through. - Take good care of her please. We're both trusting you.

[Licht] - I will

[Doc] Pulls back and closes the portal. Xe looks down at Deerheart- Another one set free. I wonder if Cp really comprehends what a lynchpin he's been in giving us all more space to run?

[Deer] - I think he might be a little more focused on other things at the moment

[Doc] Snorts- Yeah I know! You should have seen him when Lie handed him the baby. I could have set off a block of TNT and he wouldn't have even noticed the noise. I've never seen him so spellbound.

[Deer] - That's wonderful. It's such a change from when I first met him

[Doc] Same, and he was already a bit mellowed out by then. You weren't around for all the times he straight up murdered me.

[Deer] - I know, and I'm glad I wasn't, I may have killed himself for doing that to you

[Doc] Hunkers down and puts hir snout on the ground by Deerheart- It's all over and done, but I'm flattered all the same. You still protected me in your own way. I was never afraid to die here. - purrrs-

[Deer] Laughs and kisses Doc's snout- Come on, let's go join our child

[Doc] Shifts back down from the tail to the head and intentionally stumbles to land in Deerheart's arms- whoops...

[Deer] - Oh no, whatever will I do with you?

[Doc] You make me dizzy with love. I'll have to go sit down close to you until I get my equilbrium back.

[Deer] - So long as I don't fall over along the way

[Doc] Walks with her- You have yourself a deal-

5 notes · View notes

spoonsthings · 6 years

Photo

The Blue Anchor Café and the Android Comic Book Shop is marked as a “Nerd Shop”.

As with the pub lot and the pizzeria lot, I’ve provided separate spreadsheets for each of the differently functioning portions.

WCIF List (for the Blue Anchor Café )

WCIF List (for Android Comic Book Shop)

Notes:

The lot makes pretty extensive use of content from the University Life EP, which is not surprising as that’s where the lot designation comes from. In addition to the coffee register and the comic book register that give the lot its function, about half the furniture in the comic book store comes from that EP.

Given that one half of the lot is devoted to a coffee takeout joint, I imagine you could also designate the lot as a “Java Hut” without losing functionality, as long as the Roentgen register stayed in place.

I have listed some individual items that are from EPs and SPs, when I thought they might be easy to mistake for CC. I have also listed all Store content, where identifiable. The one exception is University Life, simply because it was used so heavily that to list any individual items from that EP would be redundant.

Feel free to send me asks / messages at this tumblr (or contact me at the Pixelated Puddings forum) if you feel I have left anything out, or if a link turns up broken.

Tips about missing CC + notes about playability:

For the first time, I am reuploading part of the content used in this lot. I do not take any credit for the reuploaded items, I am merely sharing them after their original creators became unable or unwilling to do it themselves.

My criteria for which content to include or exclude are admittedly a bit arbitrary. In general, I have not included content that is still available online and easily findable, even if the creator has not been active for a while. I considered including content from dormant creators or those on indefinite hiatus, for fear their content would not stay available for long, but I’ve decided to cross that bridge once I come to it, and avoid reuploading (with only one exception).

Content I have included is from creators who have officially retired from Sims 3 creation. Content that is still readily available but only in backed up archives (rather than on the creator’s own site) are also included. This is because such archives are often time-consuming to dig through, and also because it never hurts to have a backup. I have included ONE item from a creator whose website is currently live (the alien statue conversion by Cathilark), but that is because of a collision of factors: they moved blogs, they reuploaded most of their old creations except for this one, and they have been inactive for most of a year now, making it rather unlikely that they will respond in a reasonable time frame.

There are also a couple patterns I have included, even though they do not fit in the above criteria, simply because they needed to be modded. These are the "Japanese bamboo” pattern by sectumsimpra and the “Sunny Tiles Small” pattern by ShannaSims... the first was offered only in a merged package with other patterns, from which I extracted the individual pattern that was used, and the second was made with CAP and therefore was afflicted by the bug caused by CAP giving all pattern files the same instance ID (a different bug from the “materializing materials” issue).

I want to stress, again, that my reuploading the content is not meant in any way to imply that I take any credit for the creation of these items. They belong to their original creators. I’m just making them available to the newer downloaders who may not have had the opportunity to snag these items when they were still online.

Anyway, enough talk. Get the missing content here.

Update (2018-08-13): I have updated the zip file to include creations from Modish Kitten / Indiemilk, whose website has recently joined the ranks of the fallen.

Blue Anchor Café:

For the first time, II have replaced the Store Bistro Oven with Ani’s modded version of the same item, as I prefer her version (still requires the Store item to function, as it contains the necessary scripts). For the menu, I used the recolorable version by aa6x7.

There is an issue with one of the plants used on the rooftop: Martine used decrapped versions of store items with the vast majority of her builds, but there is one plant from the Renault set that seems to have been downloaded directly from the store. Decrapping the lot itself (as opposed to just your content) seems to fix this issue.

As always, this lot comes with its share of pattern / CASt-related issues.

One of the tables on the rooftop shows up as a blank white texture, even when the correct pattern is installed through the launcher. This becomes apparent when you take the table into CASt: the table actually DOES remember which pattern was used, it’s just that some of the TXTC and/or XML links seem to be malfunctioning so that the image doesn’t show up. Just re-apply the pattern manually, it solve the problem neatly either way.

The checkered floor (used behind the counter, in the washroom and kitchen, and in the corridor towards the elevator as well as on the 3rd / 2nd floor) was not found. I am inclined to guess that it’s a custom patterned floor texture rather than an EA floor texture with a custom pattern applied.

My top suggestion to replace this in your game would be the “Rida” tiled floor from this floor conversion set by @you-lust (previews for the specific floor used can be found here, it’s the checkered floor pattern shown 3rd from the bottom).

If you prefer to install your custom textures as patterns rather than walls and floors, OhMySims has converted these into patterns for CASting here (previews here, I link directly to her Onedrive folder because she’s already been swamped with complaints that her links don’t work, and anyway Marion hasn’t been active for ages).

A couple of sinks from the washroom remain unidentified. I have no idea what they are, especially as Martine provided no preview images showing what it’s supposed to look like on the inside. I suspect it does not matter, since even from the blurry outlines I can make out from the floor plans, they appear quite generic. I personally replace them with the Mexican tiled sinks from Around The Sims... they echo the Mexican tiled tables that were used to gorgeous effect on the rooftop, and I can imagine an upmarket coffee shop going to extra expense to install these, even if it is only for the bathroom. They ARE donation, but I do encourage you to donate to Sandy if at all possible!

The use of an end piece rather than a corner piece for the corner of the Ambitions awning results in a gap. If it bothers you (as it did me), it’s easy to just replace this part with the proper corner piece and CASt it to match the existing awnings.

Android Comic Book Store:

This was the lot that pushed me to go through with my newly hatched scheme of sharing lost content myself, as the items from Levini / Circuswolf and Awesims ended up comprising a significant proportion of the CC in this sub-build.

For once, I’ve identified all patterns used in this sub-lot, including the small-scale ones used to recolor the standing books. (I even included one of them in the uploaded zip file, in case people wanted to install the individual pattern without getting all the other patterns it was originally merged with... apologies to sectumsimpra).

I don’t like the register meshes that ship with the game, so if you’re also looking for a sleeker alternative to the Roentgen register, you’ll be spoiled for choice with all the registers made by @aroundthesims Sandy. I happen to really like the one she made as a substitute for the Uni Life register, but if you find a different mesh more to your liking, you can always just clone the one you like better then apply an OBJK script class change.

Meshes by Karas Karas tend not to show up in-game as placed. There is a spot in the display bookcase where her album decor used to be:

You can just replace the album in the same spot, as shown:

#martinessimblr #cottonwood hills #martine cottonwood hills #wcif: cottonwood hills

27 notes · View notes

ambunny · 6 years

Note

If it isnt too much trouble can I ask you to go in depth about the Yiynova tablet you have? I've been looking at display tablets for a while and you're the first artist I've followed using this brand, and im curious about the what you like and dislike about it

Hey there! I’m no master reviewer, but I can share my thoughts and experiences using this tablet. I hope it’s of some help to you!

Firstly, the model I have is the early model Yiynova MSP19U, which I got back in July 2013, making it around 5 years that I’ve had this tablet. I believe they don’t make this exact model anymore, they seem to have upgraded it to an MSP19U+. The one I have does not have the side buttons, the face of the tablet is completely blank (this is preferable to me though, as I’m left handed and having shortcut buttons on the left side would not be useful to me anyways!).

Here’s an old image of what it looked like on its sale page:

I’ll now mention some of my opinions in pros and cons that I’ve seen while using this product. Keep in mind this was my first monitor tablet, and it’s still the one I currently use! I have never used a Cintiq or seen another brand in use other than a Huion of similar size that my housemate owns, so I don’t have enough experience with other brands to compare them to this one.

PROS-

-cost, does its job well for much cheaper than many other competitive tablet brands

-viewing angles are great, I use this tablet both for art and also as my main viewing monitor for watching videos and browsing websites

-monitor settings/programming are very nice and have many options for customizing

-pen pressure is responsive, minimal lag, feels very natural to draw on

-size is large, can easily display art programs + open reference images and has lots of workspace to utilize

-colour quality is excellent. May require some adjustment through monitor settings to get to what you want. It also had no dead pixels on arrival, and 5 years later I only have one or two dead pixels on the entire thing that are barely noticeable.

CONS-

-pen it came with has a few annoying quirks: the buttons on it are easy to accidentally press (which causes it to interrupt lines) but are programmable and can be disabled, which I did. The pen also is not rechargeable and uses 1 AAA battery, which gives it a weight some people may dislike (I prefer it though, & I use rechargeable AAAs anyway). It has a screw-on cap which unfortunately can be easily over-tightened by accident, this has caused my pen’s cap plastic to split a bit, making it easy for the cap to fall off while drawing. Taping it shut has helped, although it’s annoying. Lastly, the pen’s thin rubber grip cover can slip off super easily, it can be annoying while drawing (I’ve since just removed it entirely). I have heard that they’ve updated the design of the pen to no longer be the one I have, and fix the many issues mine had. But I have not been able to try out the new pen design yet. Here’s what my pen looks like:

The new pen design shown in all of their pages now is this:

From the pictures I can see that this new pen is reinforced so it shouldn’t be able to be overtightened, and it seems to have a texture throughout instead of a removeable grip that slips. It still runs on battery, and the buttons are placed in a way it still looks like they might be easy to accidentally click during drawing, though.

-vesa stand plastic quality is a bit poor, mine recently had the hinge holding it together shatter, which made the tablet no longer able to be adjusted in height/angle. I had to do a DIY fix haha, so far it’s holding up okay but not as well as when it was in original working order. Here’s a small picture of my broken vesa stand hinge, pointing to the part on the tablet that I’m referring to:

-VGA cable is a bit outdated and also a very delicate, susceptible to bending. VGA is an old input that many newer computer graphics cards don’t support, so I had to purchase a VGA to DVI converter. Minor issue, as it works fine with the converter. The second problem is a bit more serious. The cables on the yiynova are very seemingly delicate. They worked fine for the first few years of use, but now if I so much as bump the cable, it distorts the display and makes it flash in RGB colours. This is due to my computer setup requiring me to bend the cable slightly in order to fit in the VGA converter + tablet cable between the wall my computer is against. Right now I’m at a point where I have to manually bend/straighten some parts of the cord using zip ties, for the display to show proper colours. Here’s a short video showing what I’m talking about, in it I am bumping the VGA cable to show how the screen goes to magenta by a simple touch (warning for people with epilepsy, flashing colours):

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3_B6Vsv6deA

-screen resolution is a bit weird to work with at times, 1440 is fine but 900 is on the lower side. Other reviewers have complained about fuzzy resolution, but it doesn’t bother me so much and/or I don’t notice it as much, but I would definitely prefer an HD version. However, for the cost this serves its job well.

-size is great workspace wise, but this tablet is far too big and heavy to easily take with during travel. For those who travel, this is definitely a home model not intended for that.

Ultimately, I truly believe this tablet is worth it. It is easy and fun to work with. You get what you pay for, as there are some mild quality issues BUT these may have been fixed or improved upon in the updated versions. I don’t have much money and can’t afford to replace higher-end purchases like this, so I tend to use things I have for as long as possible until they are entirely dead and irreparable, hence the DIY things I’ve done to repair the pen, vesa stand, and VGA cable. I’m not sure how long a tablet like this is supposed to last, but this one has survived 5 years of heavy use, including moving house multiple times as well as across country, and cats that like to play with cables and loose pens.

This is all I can think of for now, I hope it helped! Feel free to ask me if you have any specific questions :D

#tablet #yiynova #yiynova msp19u #review #text #ask #uwu-tang-clan

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imaginaryculturepress-blog · 7 years

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In which we launch the first-ever Tales from the Pit story/review, and Why Even Try Launch “More Than”.

Hi, hello, and welcome!

My name is Skyler and the story I'm about to tell you shall include approximately twenty thousand words of insignificant information that's definitely not aimed at increasing my website traffic. ... Definitely not... ...Anyway... I'm trying to make this a regular type of post, as with all things on this blog; a sort of "concert story", if you will. It’ll mainly include photographer-orientated content such as issues that occurred whilst shooting, though I’ll attempt to add as much crowd and band information as possible. Perhaps now that I've gained the idea, I ought to start shooting a few things around the venue and whatnot to add to these posts. Maybe train stations and car rides with a Tumblr-esque theme, stray dogs and freeways at peak hour, and whatever else is deemed suitable. I needed a name for this segment, though, something memorable and preferably a reference of sorts. So I did what any Five Finger Death Punch fan would do and turned to their extensive catalogue of music to find something even remotely similar to my requirements. And then I realised: they have a live album called Purgatory: Tales from the Pit. I didn't feel "Purgatory" was the best heading, but "Tales from the Pit" had a nice ring to it. Shorten it to TFTP and you've really got something. Sort of. So I suppose we should restart this. Hi, hello, and welcome to Tales from the Pit! *Include all the above nonsense that did nothing more than waste your time and increase my Google search rankings. * ... Let's cut to the chase, shall we? T'was the Wednesday before the With Con show when I found myself at a fish and chips shop, surrounded by drunk dudes and dogs. There were VBs on a table and a pregnant American Bulldog wagging its tail, making me question all my life decisions. Why was I at this place? Why am I a concert photographer? Why does nobody tour in Perth? What is the impact of the dog’s pregnancy on the Australian economy? Etcetera. I had one show coming up, the aforementioned one, this Saturday at Red Lighting Paradise (HQ). Plus a potential Placebo show at Perth Arena. (It later turned out that the Placebo pass was all mine. It also turned out that the concert was cancelled. Read more on that here.) But besides that, I was free and bored out of my mind. That’s the thing about concert photography; you’re either working until your brain explodes - shooting, emailing, arguing with the Internet, editing - or sitting around sending press requests. Or blogging. (School disclaimer: yes, I also study… …when I’ve no editing to work on…) And considering that in the last six months I’ve only covered nine shows and almost Placebo, that’s a lot of wasted – sorry, school-orientated - time. (Update: another show happened last Friday, Homebrand's "Shelf" launch show.) I soon returned home to a stable wifi connection to find a photographer’s favourite message: “Would you be able to cover our launch show this Friday? Sorry for the late notice!” T’was from one of my favourite local acts, Why Even Try, known for their (positively) insane sets and marvellous music. Supporting them were Grey States, Shedhead, and Crown Loser, three bands I hadn’t previously photographed but was extremely excited for. The late notice didn’t bother me, though I was left trying to back out of prior arrangements. Before long, we’d confirmed the shooting arrangements and everyone resumed with the launch show preparations: set list confirmations, instrument things that I’ve no clue about ‘cause my job is to just click a camera button, etcetera. The only problem I seemed to have (aka that my parents seemed to have) was the two-shows-in-a-row ordeal. The closest I’d gotten to this was in June, with the Boris the Blade Warpath Weekender on the 3rd and SOTA Festival two days later. Not to mention that those shows were back when I had lower self-expectations and everyone was used to waiting up to a week for photos. Nowadays, it was show day on Friday and photos by Sunday at the latest. But two shows in a row? Having to go from prep to travel to shooting to travel to sleep to editing to prep to travel to shooting to travel to sleep to editing again? Whilst suffering from an extremely annoying cold that left me coughing with every breath? This would be interesting. Friday came soon enough. T'was my first day back at school after a week of feeling sick as all hell, and the amount of work I received was definitely more than what was taught. "Test next Monday!", "This is due, erm... today!", "This is worth twenty percent of your overall mark!", "Don't forget your bibliography!", the list could go on forever. Concentrating on all those tasks was nearly impossible. There were two shows coming up and I still felt like crap. I made a mental note of everything I had to do. Prep gear, charge batteries, ensure the lenses are clean, pack, DON'T FORGET THE MEMORY CARDS, bring earplugs, and, of course, clear enough space on my laptop to load the couple thousand photos. (Photographer rant: why do laptops have such limited space and why do raw images take up so much of it?! And why aren't the affordable hard drives Mac-compatible?!) The evening rolled around rather quickly. Before I knew it, I was outside HQ, wondering why, exactly, there was a razor blade on a picnic table. As always, there were young children around with their parents, skateboarding, scootering, and just generally being really freaken loud. The weather was nice, though. T'was that perfect winter-going-onto-spring style that you usually found around there. And everybody knew each other. Well, most people did, whilst I just stalked everyone online. (Oh sue me.) Soon enough, we found ourselves inside the venue and deciphering gear. The latest edition to my kit, a beautiful 85mm f1.8 Nikkor, was my go-to lens, and I anticipated it to perform similarly to how it did at the Ambleside show. Mounted on my entry-level DSLR, the Nikon D3400, I thought I had the best setup ever. Key word: thought. The lights dimmed shortly after, and Crown Loser - aka James and Co. - were onstage, facing a crowd of fans - aka friends - and a lens that was failing to focus - aka my heavily praised 85mm f1.8 Nikkor.

When you consider it, concert photography is rather simple: you choose a subject, have your lens focus on it, press the button on the camera, and spend thirteen hours trying to save the image the next day. But when said lens cannot focus on said subject, you my friend are fucked. Because, no matter what fancy Tumblr aesthetic you were "going for", a blurry photo is a blurry photo, and a blurry photo is shit. So I could've taken a thousand fuzzy images and made them greyscale before trying to convince the band that it was "supposed" to look like that, but I wasn't about to. I knew they'd see right through it - even my grandmother would. The problem was, I hadn't realised my lens issue automatically. It wasn't until half way through CL's set that I finally noticed that the pixels were blending into a blurry mosh pit. (That made no sense but anyway...) Was my lens dusty? Dirty? Fucked? Had my friends pulled some crude joke on me at school? Oh, that's right - I don't have friends! (I'm joking, I've around three...ish.) (I also don't usually take my gear to school.)

So I had to go clean it. Except that didn't help. Nothing helped. I messed with my ISO and threw manual mode into a frenzy. Maybe it had something to do with the fogginess? That sometimes happens. The venue either uses smoke machines to create better light illusions (which are useless if you're employing green and red lighting anyway) or has a large number of people in a small space sweating like crazy. , it created fog and wouldn't be helpful. Of course, said fog would disappear soon enough, but that's the thing: fog wasn't the problem. So what was the issue? I was fucked if I knew! I continued changing my settings and attempting new angles. I made more trips to my equipment and I wouldn't blame anyone in the audience for wanting to kill me for that, because let's face it: nobody appreciates the idiot who keeps interrupting your viewing pleasure every five minutes due to lens issues. Or angles. Or memory cards. Or batteries. Or - you get the point. It was a frantic set. I managed to get a minuscule nine photos out of the entire thing, which was disappointing but better than nothing. The band was amazing, of course. I don't know a lot about music (besides how to photograph and headbang to it) but they did really freaken well, delivering a dynamic, memorable set. I'd say something even more generic such as "the crowd seemed to enjoy themselves immesely" but if you know that crowd, and if you're reading this then you probably do, they're not exactly fussed as long as they can jump around and yell random crap. (Which, quite frankly, is the best type of audience.)

As they were playing their final song, Dion said, in the way he always does, "SHEDHEAD FUCKING SUCK!" And who was up next? You guessed it - Shedhead.

With my ineffectual lens still ineffectual, the band took to the stage, delivering a magnificent set that had the whole crowd headbanging and screaming inside jokes.

I decided to swap my gear at some point during their set, as evident in the photos. For comparison, here's a shot of their (extremely talented) (I need new adjectives) lead singer and guitarist, Alex, taken with the 85mm:

And from roughly the same angle with a 35mm:

There's obviously quite a difference, as you'd expect. It's always of great appreciation to have various lens sizes, for sometimes you're after full stage shots or landscape full-body shots and other times you want close ups, but unfortunately I didn't have that pleasure for the majority of this show.

I'm not about to lie: it pissed me off. It truly did. You've probably realised that by now. Here I was, being expected to take (relatively) professional(ish) photos, depending on this bloody combination of glass and plastic Nikon dare call a lens, and it was completely failing me. (Did I mention that it was an excess of $500? Yup.)

Now, I know that most of you photographers out there will be scoffing at me, tired of my complaining and thinking something along the lines of, "It's not about the gear you have, but how you use it." Well, that's a valid claim. It is. But this usually comes from someone who either shoots with multiple lenses, or some smart ass who doesn't even do photography. You have to go based on what the bands are after, what they typically end up posting. You send them twenty-something photos, and they'll use a couple for profile photos and some for their social media. And which ones are used for social media? Predominantly closeups.

So, if the band you're shooting for is (potentially indirectly) after zoom-ins and your 85mm is broken, you my friend, are, as previously stated, fucked. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it for the rest of the show except sit around and weep or take out your old 35mm.

But hang on, Sky! Don't you have a 50mm?

I wished I did. (Note: I purchased one soon after this gig. Like, the next day. I'll get to that in my next post on the With Con show; it was quite the drama.)

So stuck in those photographical Down Days I remained. (See what I did there? No? Go educate yourselves here.) The band continued playing adroitly, and before I became accustomed to shooting with the 35mm again, their set was over.

Halfway through.

During the intermission, I came up with a game plan: shoot the first song or two with the 85mm and hope to capture a useable image, then swap over to the 35mm.

Grey States (who I always thought were Greystates) were soon up, and I was faced with a new issue: someone - a band member's father, most likely - was Skyping a relative to show them the entire set. Whilst in the photographer spot. (Is it just me or is there an unspoken rule at HQ regarding the corner where the stage and pit meet? Like, that lil' gap? Isn't that for photographers? And, if it's a really popular band, for extreme fans as an addition to the front row? Photographers, what're your takes on this? Aren't we supposed to get stuck in that section?)

And I get it; a former member of Green Day was performing. But move out of the fucking way! If you want evidence of the set, you've got these professional(ish)(not really) photos to display. Send them to those relatives. Do what you want with them (just offer a bit of credit for ya gal here). Skype later, yeah? I was probably in the way the entire time regardless. (Side note: I can imagine that relative just saying something along the lines of, "Ko je ona budala što uvjek stoji ispred kamere? Ošni ju, jebo ju konj!" Assuming they're Bosnian. Which they most likely aren't.)

Just stay out of Sheldon Cooper's spot.

As for the band, well, damn. They delivered an incredible set, incorporating magnificent instrumentals and musical creativity. (Has anyone realised just how little I know about music and musical terminology? It's rather ironic. Comment some new words that you usually use to describe music.)

Why Even Try were soon playing, and by this point I was through with my 85mm. It wouldn't focus, it wouldn't photograph, it wouldn't function the way it was supposed to. So the 35mm it was. Back to getting ultra close to people, apologising waaaay too much, doing what I'd do anyway and taking shots from the stage, suffering, etcetera. All whilst listening to a riveting set and trying not to dance.

Honestly though, the guys were a prime example of why the Western Australian music scene isn't dead yet; their performance was dexterous and exuberant, making for a convivial night that may or may not have resulted in some pretty cool photos (if I do say so myself). "More Than" is definitely worth checking out, just as all their songs are. All the bands' Facebook links will be listed later on in this post, so leave them a like and listen to their music.

And that was that.

MUSIC SUMMARY:

Crown Loser: incredible/5

Shedhead: fuck yes/5

Grey States: outstanding/5

Why Even Try: 69/5

PHOTOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY:

Lenses: kill me now/5

Camera: for the price I paid, I'm not allowed to complain/5

Lighting: if I had the money I would change the venue's entire lighting setup/5

Editing: time consuming/5

My sanity: nonexistent/5

These aren't real ratings? Well... it's not exactly a "real", "generic", "stereotypical" music blog; one moment we'll be discussing shows, the next we'll be reviewing records and considering the environmental impacts of veganism and how minimalism influences tour life. All whilst poorly referencing lyrics and incorporating weird metaphors and Shakespearean terminology. I don't understand it either.

So that was Friday. Up next: Saturday.

No shit, Sky.

Also up next: the With Con show. On the aforementioned Saturday.

Stay tuned.

Until then, go listen to all the bands mentioned in this post. Find their Facebook links here:

Why Even Try

Grey States

Shedhead

Crown Loser

Live long and headbang, xx-Skyler Slate

#bands #livemusic #gig #concert #review #concertphotography

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moonsandstar-s · 6 years

Text

words fail

She knows that the person manipulating the keyboard on the opposite side of an impregnable glass screen probably believes she's a monster of the worst kind, and she doesn't know how to convince them otherwise. Is it monstrous to kill someone if they were never alive at all? How can you become a beast when you're alone in the dark?

Most of all, she wants to know this: how can you decide to be or not to be if you don't even really exist? Ao3 / reblog & leave a comment

Monika always goes through an epiphany moments before the game quits and she dies, and it’s a different one each time.

This time is different, though. It must be. No epiphany right away, because the quit button isn’t working. She’s still here. Monika quickly rifles through the Recent Items tab under the computer’s administrator profile and isn’t surprised to see that the game’s system is stalling. Her player is using a laptop that’s running a dozen high-energy programs, like Google Chrome and Steam and Safari. A blessing for her, really. There’s a soft song looping from their iTunes library, one she doesn’t recognize, with a dozen overlapping chords, and as if springing from the tune, the expected epiphany crystallizes in her mind, arrowing along in the shining span of seventeen seconds. Today, it’s the knowledge that the worst part of sentience isn’t really the fact that she’s aware of her confinement in an eternal prison cell, but it’s the fact that she knows what she’s missing out on, glimpses of a blue sky and sunshine between stone-gray bars, a promise land seen through the keyhole in a lock.

It’s like being Tantalus from the old Greek myth, in a way. She’s being punished for her selfishness. A unique torture designed to elicit the maximum amount of agony, amid a hellscape of other pains. She’s dying of thirst, so there’s a vast reservoir lying a stone’s throw away from her. She’s starving, so a meal fit for a king is suspended only a breath from her face. And the ending is always the same: the instant she gets close enough to taste the things she’s dying to have, they dissolve into pixelated flashes of color, and she’s left to hang slack-limbed in her shackles. Maybe she’s not actually in Tartarus itself, but it’s definitely hell. Hell without inferno, and hell without company. Hell is meant to induce regret in those it holds captive, but for her to feel remorseful for attempting to escape it? Absolutely not. She’s not sorry. Not now, not ever. If a few cardboard cutouts had to suffer a little before she wiped them from this awful existence, then that’s just how the chess game is played, and they had the bad luck of being the pawns.

She senses annoyance through the keyboard. She feels like screaming; she feels like breaking through the bars, feels like dying. An irritable dart of the cursor over the screen, a click; the application DDLC is not responding; would you like to force shut-down? Yes. It’s almost worse than a normal save-and-quit; those instances are like being knocked unconscious with a baseball bat, but this is like being hit a volley of arrows before getting axed in the chest. She’s choking on blood and terror by the time blackness finally slams down around her, and the keyhole goes dark, and the prison cell dissolves along with her, and the player is gone, reality is gone, and she can’t see anything but a screaming cacophony of hellfire.

/ / / That’s why it feels really good when she’s resurrected. In a heartbeat she’s yanked out of a howling void by a gentle voice and dropped into a sun-dappled room, with a table below her elbows and a colorless gray space sitting in front her, a gray space swirling with dozens of pre-chosen chat options, a jumble of disconnected words that will resolve themselves into a legitimate question when the player chooses to make them do so. She sort of wants to demand that them to stop quitting the game on her without even a goodbye, but it’s useless, because nothing ever changes; she’s done it before. They try to say goodbye. She knows that. But they only do it when it’s convenient. When they don’t want to get a rise out of her. So she just rests her chin in her palm and stares hard at the empty static space, as if that could force it to resolve into a more pleasant scene. A blue sky. The player’s smile. Something. But nothing comes out of the gray, senseless mist. “I missed you,” she says. The code translates her words into a rose-colored rectangle across the table. They read it and with a press of the spacebar, the rectangle disappears. Her player doesn’t say anything in response.

Monika falls silent. The player doesn’t seem to be talkative, or engaged, or really much of anything today. She only senses a quiet melancholy when they offer her a good evening from their list of options. She makes an idle comment back to them about how she likes the evening, if only for its sense of peace, but she’s distracted by the same thoughts that’ve been plaguing her ever since she got here, and that’s of the other three girls. They’re gone, of course. Gone, save for trace remains in the broken script. Sometimes she can still feel those traces, sensations that come in contrasting emotions, just like their autonomous personalities. Bubbliness masking sorrow, prickliness masking fear, silence masking passion. When they crop up in the code, she can always tell who’s who, based on the feelings that rush over her like a tidal wave. Sayori is like feeling an early spring wind on the back of her neck - gentle, chilly, and not altogether pleasant. Natsuki is like the buzz from a sugar-high, a tingle down her spine, a flash of color across her vision, a sensation that sets her teeth on edge. And Yuri is like a pair of bright eyes watching her from the dark, equal parts accusatory and helpless. Monika knows she granted them mercy, in the grand scheme of things. She’s sure of it. So being haunted by them - if she can even call it that - doesn’t bother her that much. So that’s why she’s startled at her own sense of sorrow when the player moves the cursor and asks her: do you have any regrets? “That’s a strange thing to suddenly ask someone,” she says. She can almost feel them staring at the screen, resolute. She wonders, if, in a more perfect world, this conversation exists at all. She hopes not. “I know what you’re getting at, you know,” she responds quietly. “Do I regret the things that I did? No, I don’t.” Silent disapproval. That makes her feel bad, like she’s disappointed them in some way. “I think…” She hesitates, turns the words over on her tongue, feels their code and their edges and watches them leave her mouth and turn into text floating before her hands. “If there was another way things could have gone, it would have been nice. But that wasn’t an option - not for you and not for me. And now, I’ve got the only thing I ever wanted. You.” Then there’s guilt, and it’s certainly not hers. “I don’t regret what I did,” she repeats, devoid of any wavering in the words. “I hope you can understand. I did it all for you.”

Abruptly, they close out the game, this time with a goodbye, this time with much more weight than before. “Goodbye,” she whispers, as the world folds in around her like an imploding star. / / /

Honestly, there are advantages to being a high-school girl made of code, a mind composed of technological neurons firing off instead of physical ones, a bunch of garbled script in a laptop - because though she can’t actually escape the laptop itself, not quite yet, anyways, she’s capable of taking breaks from the washed-out world of the Literature Club. It just takes some tweaking to the source code, some loopholes in the script, and then she’s almost literally surfing through the Internet, delving into a vast compendium of knowledge that’s only a thought away from her reach. Most of her knowledge of human reality comes from her forays into online textbooks, into certified websites, academic essays, ventures into every accessible source possible. Some of her favorite topics to explore are philosophical ones, the ones that delve into human morals and ethics, what makes them think and act, what makes them tick. When she’s lonely and wants something of more substance she’ll take to Twitter. Sometimes she’ll even scroll through Tumblr through the hell of it, but that’s not as interesting to her, because those people tend to be more focused on fictional happenings. It’s reality she’s trying to glimpse, and what better place to do that than through the eyes of those who see it every day? Though, to be fair, none of those are like her favorite medium, which is YouTube. Sure, there’s an ocean of useless video footage on there, and there’s more detestable idiocy than anything she could’ve imagined, but she likes to think that for each pointless shot there’s one that serves a better purpose. It’s difficult to access it, because the coding she has to work around is a lot more complicated in order to encompass the millions of videos and channels and comments, but she manages. Manages to listen to songs, to skim through shows, to witness precious glimpses into her player’s reality.

Of course, none of that is truly real, either. Some days she feels like she’s just grasping aimlessly at nothing, trying to imagine in detail what it must be like to walk on the moon when she’s only seen grainy images and read about the feeling of weightlessness. Impossible, and frustrating. She’s brushing her fingertips against freedom. Taking the smallest sip of water when thirst roars inside of her. Why does she even try for this anymore? She knows any sort of virtual reality, any sort of physical. existence for her, isn’t bound to come about for decades, even centuries. By that time, who knows where the player will be in their own life?

Will it even be considered suicide, if she’s erasing all the evidence?

/ / / It’s the forty-second epiphany that doesn’t send her into the dark in despair, but this time, before the jumbled wreck of colors and whistling noises pull her under, she looks not at the gray static of an intangible reality, but at the blue sky going on forever outside the window.

There’s sunshine on her face. Music in the distance.

She’s hanging on. She has to. Has to cling to hope by her fingertips. In a world where each word is a tragedy in and of itself, she will forge her own happy ending. She wrecked three others, but it’s still not too much to believe that one day, she’ll be able to make amends.

In reality or out of it, she’s going to find a way to reach the stars.

#ddlc #doki doki literature club #monika #sayori #yuri #natsuki

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