#these are literal crumbs and most of them are depressing

[coconutredbulllover]

little rant type shit about azzi and paiges current and kinda future media presences

i think azzis reposts are like her way of letting people know shes gonan be okay without having to be actually present and ibteractive on socials. she was literallt just comibg back from her drought/break/pause (wtvr u wanna call it) and likely wont post for a while because dawg camp and the draft content was like the most we’ve had from azzi in so long. i think shes probably doing alright considering the amount of support shes surrounded by and honestly she didnt really seem like in any hurry to suddenly become active like an instant unpause after not beibg active for so long, like i dont rlly think her being “on a break” was all that deep she was probably convinced to post but didnt really seriously care to upkeep not postibg in the first place so itd be practically no change in her lifestyle to go back to not posting i dont think she was like resisting the urge to post or anything. specifically now post-situation it might not be “i dont psot often but i sometines do wheneveb i feel like it” instead she might purposely stay away and actually jsut take time away from media focus for a little and we’ll get like a crumb once and a while.

and i think paige being active rn is a mix of moving on from the incident and also the fact that the season is over and shes back on media and does like beibg on it like for example on lives and stuff. i feel like shes trying to show that shes moving past it as well as not letting it effect or stop doing what she enjoys. i also think that if paige had gone media silent after what happened it mightve brought even more attention to it with people speculating the effects it had or twitter running wild as it always does. i think her vague-ish thanking for support tweet near when it happened was good because it further fueled people who had been covering the timeline and helped speed up efforts to get tweets taken down but didnt actively add crap tons of spotlight on it. plus her normally posting and tweeting helps spread around what people are focusing on when she appears or if shes mentioned and it js moves the crowd on. we also know shes been described as/has said about herself that shes the type to put on a strong front in stressing times so even if shes beibg active on media and seemingly doing alright she could be doing it for all the reasons i just mentioned about moving the public on (like damage control/reputation padding) and still be literallt depressed behind the scenes and js doing it bc she feels she has to. either way we have no way of knowing whats actually happening and we will probably never know, i can only guess abd assume just as much as everyone else, i could be insanely far off or completely spot on, even if it doesnt match how any of us assume or imagine her acting just remember that we literally do not know any of these people!

i hope things settle and we can see them together again i dont think the situation would have effected their relationship with eachother theyre like ride or die and its not like its their fault it happened. obviously no one wouldvt wanted it to happen but i like to think that behibd the scenes theyre supporting eachother or they could be givibg eachother space but all n all i dont see this being the reason they suddenly drop eachother and i have ful lconfidence theyll come out the other end still side by side.

if anyone has any thoughts or responses feel free to add on or share or if i left smth out or got smth wrong feel free to correct me bc its literallt 6:30 am rn and im suppsoed to be awake in less than 2 hours 🤣🥲

[share-the-damn-bed]

ST4 vol I | every jancy (or jancy related) scene

[skinnypaleangryperson]

This scene is so intense-I can really feel the tension with what Prime is saying, the emotional climax of the devastation of the fact that this is all that Rick can do, and it's basically everything that has ever been between the both of them and their beliefs coming together. On the surface, it looks like Rick is finally winning, and he's getting what he wants, and Prime is the one that is getting himself ended because of what he did and what he believed.

But I think Prime is going down with this shit eating smile on his face because he knows that Rick can literally never get what he wanted and he's in profound psychological torment possibly for the rest of his life. What Rick was ended up with, not just after he kills Prime, but all these years before, is inherently a sign of that Rick lost and that Prime won, at least in terms of his spite that he has to Rick that he didn't choose power over family.

He satisfied, because he knows that he stowed Rick permanently away in a disorienting, devastating confusion of an incredibly unwanted compromise that someone less enduring of spirit would not be able to live with especially daily- away in the absolute worst position that he could be with his heart and what he wanted in life, which was literally just to be a husband and to be with his original family. Prime has an incredibly devastating hook over Rick; which is basically that Rick has no option but to take Prime's family, the version of himself that he absolutely detests the most, and has to pretend like it's a decent life to replace the one that he would have had with his original family. It's inherently devastating and insulting beyond belief for him to have to settle for the family of the man that he can't stand, that took away everything from his own self, almost like being forced to take whatever crumbs that he can get that's left over from Prime's maliciousness that didn't care about his family because he had his own taken away. it must be such a harrowing, empty feeling, to know that Rick does love the family that he settled for but also have this knowing in the back of his head and that he is under Prime's foot for the rest of his life, even long after Prime is dead, and that is the permanent power that he has over him, for as long as Rick wants anything that even remotely resembles a family life.

I think the worst part about the fact is that Rick knows this, or he seems to certainly at least feel it, and no amount of technical physical power is going to change that battle that he has to win inside himself, if they're even is any way to win a grief like that.

By the time he gets back to his family, I feel like it's this harrowing and devastatingly confusing combination of emotion that is his own personal hell. It's a confusing degree between wanting to love this family that he's already built an entire life of out of the past couple of years, maybe a decade at this point, knowing that to some degree that he does love them and he does care about them with this sickly version of what should have been the profound and sweet version and of the simple version that he would have given his own family-while at the have the same time having this profoundly lonely secret devastation that he has to carry around that he can't express anywhere that everything that Prime said was correct; that this isn't his family, that he has to learn how to live with that every minute of every day, that he still doesn't have his wife, his original family, and there's probably some infuriating disorienting devastation and anger, but more than that, depression, towards the family that he is with and that is muddled with the fondness that he's forced himself to find with them because even that would be better than the other contrast of having no family at all, which he was forced to be left with initially.

So he eats, he plays, he sits, he has conversations, but it fucking hurts every day, and it might never not hurt again.

[art-of-mathematics]

i need to rant again (sorry in advance).

I feel very sad right now.

As I concretized what aspects I suffer under the most: it is primarily isolation and having nothing to do all day.

so i searched for volunteering opportunities.

(i want to volunteer) but seeing the offers for volunteering work almost being entirely a social volunteering activity made me very sad and frustrated.

and although i find that things like soup kitchen for homeless people are important and i value them - i do not know how i could integrate myself in there to do any activity where i would not just be entirely overchallenged by all social interactions stuffs. while also being bored of the tasks one could do here.

I searched further for any regular or any activities for autistic people or people with huge social inabilities- and it makes me so sad and angry... finding just the few scarce options i have also heard of already- occupational therapy, "work" therapy (which is very similar to occupational therapy), and then thats it for regular options.

for less regular options there is also very few options...

for volunteering work one also needs to be merely self-organized. and damn...

i just wish i had a job that i at least enjoy half of the tasks to do - and anything to do.

i hate being in this shitass huge city and having the same options as someone living in a damn tiny village... or forest.

//sarcastic: in a forest there might even be more options for me to engage with my environment than in this shitasshuge city of additional sensory torture...

it makes me so sad.

it feels futile.

like literally. the isolation and having nothing non-pointless to do make overcoming the shitty trauma far more difficult.

What can I do?

Talking with myself is an option I find even more depressing than just talking to no one for days.

its not even that i slightly like the isolation.

i hate it. i dread it! i prefer to live with some people in a shared flat. but this isolation chamber. i cannot take it.

but i mean: i am extremely privileged for living on my own, renting an apartment solely for myself. But I do not want to live for myself. It is isolating, debilitaing so. In a shared apartment there at least happens social interaction randomly, and I could even do the tasks I do already and would help someone with what i do. But this way its depressingly futile and lifeless.

I feel useless and like a damn burden.

This apartment I am living in is like the final storage facility of radiocative substances: its far away from any engagement places, on a mountain on the outermost edge of the city, with the only function to store and isolate the trash for many years and decades so it will finally fall apart one day, and does not annoy anyone with its existence.

damn. i feel so sad. i have very huge trouble sleeping since a week. i am tired. i am exhausted. breathing shallowly. cant focus. just mind fog. just shittt

am tired but cant sleep

can only complain.

i hate this futile attempt to "pull myself up by my own bootstraps". it is not only seriously energy-consuming, but also futile. But what else can i do?

fuck it. i am tired. yet cant sleep.

and dat thought circle now repeats itself 1000 times until i either get so angry or stressed that whatever might happen - or i might be able to navigate my fucked up mind into a different semi-disturbing thought topic.

i am tired.

yes, you are tired? tell me more about it. does it feel as if u got bread as brain?

yeah. totally. the bread is crumbling.

and what do we want to do with the crumbs now?

perhaps collect da crumbs, put it in a bowl (but not a holebowl) and then insert a liquid and stomp it very hard multiple times until it becomes dough again.

yay. we bake a tiny new brain bread now, dont we?

yeas, we do.

at least in our imagination it is that easy to get into a slightly better mental space - for few minutes - but that is a topic for another chapter.

no seriously. i have to come up with this kind of nonsense all the time because if i confuse myself with this kind of silly nonsense the shitty thoughts, feeling and memories get swirled around - and then they are less painful.

swirling the awful brain crumbs makes them feel as if they are disappeared - but only for the moment when i swirl the shit around. if the brain crumbsmsettle again it all starts to be unbearable again.

seriously this is exhausting. and why? damn why do i have to do this?

arent there more helpful/functional ways to deal with it?

if someone of you humans reading this knows a realitistic other functional compensation method, please feel free to tell me.

I am "am Ende meines Lateins" as that German saying goes. I have approached the end of having clues/ideas. Perhaps I have to accept I approached the invitable: the last station to Burnout and Boreout all at once!

the ring of running in a hamster wheel closes itself as the hamster approached light speed and time began to stand still.

as time stood still, all that was existent was the dead hamsters haunting memories,

still haunting him after he already succesfully died in one of his recursive nightmares.

but uhh. recursive nightmares are of a special kind... i assure you... but dont be sure about anything, thats for sure...

.. and that, my dear human beans, that is true irony.

legendary.

at least i can laugh about it - somehow. anyhow. whatever.

[ittybluebell]

Matt Murdock and Borrowers

i can only speak for the show specifically because i haven't read the comics, but engrained in daredevil's story is commentary about the effects of capitalism, power, and greed on the lower class. matt tries to combat this through the law, but even he knows the law is flawed and favours the rich and powerful. matt needs to help people - that's just how he is. the nelson & murdock office was literally going under due to matt, karen, and foggy taking payments in other forms besides monetarily (baked goods, for example) because they know the people who NEED help often can't afford it. all three of them are bleeding hearts who understand injustice and fight it day and night

with that in mind, how does it influence matt's interactions with borrowers? specifically with goldfinch, the protagonist of my daredevil g/t concept

matt knows that goldfinch is taking things. cloth and other little objects are going missing, but most notable is the food. they're taking necessities to survive. he recognizes that this is someone in need, someone who matt can help without putting on a suit, whether it be armoured or a two-piece. he leaves crumbs by the entrances frequented by finch. he pretends he doesn't notice their little heists, which leads to them becoming outrageously overconfident and quite literally stealing (*cough*borrowing) under his nose. he's shocked and impressed by finch's lack of fear (or perhaps a lack of self-preservation), but also amused at how much they're underestimating him

underneath the genuine saviour complex, matt is fascinated by their existence. he's so curious to know more. and can you blame the guy? a tiny person just four-inches-tall. how? where did they come from? he has a mini faith crisis, but that gets pushed down to unpack later (never, if he can help it)

matt empathizes with finch. living in a world not designed for you is a struggle he knows very well. 'super-senses' this and that, yada-yada - doesn't change the fact that he is blind. he can't read visual language or pictures; he can't see lights or colours; he struggles to operate technology and touch-screens are only getting more prevalent. if he isn't disregarded or patronized, he's infantilized. and matt is determined not to belittle finch. they may be small, smaller than his hand, but they're not helpless

MORE UNDER THE CUT!!

that said, it definitely takes a learning curve: he's protective over this tiny person. it's a big world, and they could be easily hurt. he doesn't intervene when they're climbing furniture and shit because, hey, he does parkour nightly. who's he to stop them? they have it handled. but when finch starts leaving the apartment and being out in the streets? hoooo boy. goldfinch can be cocky and reckless, especially in dangerous situations (matt's begging them to value their life a bit more and finch is just astounded at his lack of self-awareness), and matt so badly wants to put them in a little pouch where they'll be safe (he won't; they made an agreement)

don't even get me started on when frank finds out about goldfinch. dear god. matt wants castle nowhere near them

when the other defenders discover finch exists, matt is wary (more than finch, funnily enough). he didn't want them to know. these people are fighters (pot, kettle) with super strength: borrowers are extremely breakable and more people knowing increases the risk of finch getting hurt (also increases their protection, little does he know). luke is his gentlemanly self, giving finch space and genuinely interested in them as a person, but danny has trouble with boundaries and can be a little much (finch stabs him. he learns). they're both very careful. beyond the surprise, jessica is her indifferent (read: depressed) self. she's kind of unsettled, actually, and doesn't want to go anywhere near finch. this could be for a multitude of reasons (angst, uncanniness of a tiny person, etc) but all finch cares about is one less bean crowding them. holy shit, they thought one was bad...

more on foggy, karen, claire, colleen, misty, and frank with goldfinch in the future :3 i'm gettin the whole gang together bc defenders' group dynamics are my playground and i simply must have g/t interactions with them

matt keeps goldfinch a secret. of course he does - secrets are his jam. after meeting finch and learning about tiny people, he starts discerning smaller voices that he thought were merely distant; noticing little movements he mistook for rodents. one night he's out daredevil'ing, he rescues a borrower from a raccoon and that borrower tells others that the human vigilante with horns saved them. matt hears birds flying closer than ever, following him; perched like they're observing him. little voices whispering about the devil. word travels fast through the borrower network and borrowers in the area start to panic. finch has to run interference and reconnect with the community they left behind before this panic gets out of hand

matt keeps an ear out for borrowers like any citizen who might need help. finch acts as an advocate to vouch on his behalf because a big, scary human looking straight out of a nightmare isn't the greatest impression on borrower-kind. they're working on it

this went in a different direction than i originally planned. i swear i was going to write about the parallels of borrowers with the growing endemic of houselessness and poverty related to increased 'crime', and matt murdock struggling to uphold the law while also knowing the law fails and persecutes so many disadvantaged people, but i got carried away with interpersonal relationships. i'm actually so intrigued by borrowers being a critique of ableism, classism, and capitalism

[penname-artist]

It’s kind of hard to find any good source materials that I can pluck from in regards to discussing the “yays and nays” of writing convincing PTSD, but I’m gonna take the knowledge I do have - both from my experiences and from everything I’ve picked up and learned around that - and just leave a few key points lying around like crumbs for y’all. Mostly made with writing trauma in mind:

-Though there are exceptions, for the most part, your sex and horomones may determine how you respond to stress and trauma. Higher testosterone makes it much more likely to react to trauma in a more “stereotypical” way, fighting back with aggression, deflecting, sometimes turning to addictions as means of an escape. Some of that comes from toxic masculinity, but some of it is just from having less natural emotional depth or a harder time venturing that emotional depth. (In summary: men put off therapy. A lot.)

-Meanwhile, more estrogen-based people will more often feel the emotional wringing of depression or fear, and actually become more vulnerable to getting in toxic situations. When you’re at a low point, it may be difficult to make clearer judgements, and seeking comfort for the sake of comfort might end up taking a toll like any other negative outlets. (Again with “there are exceptions” because not everybody responds in these ways, there’s definitely a uniqueness to the brain’s stress responses)

-For ye writing people, here’s some ideas on not-so-good outlets one might turn to when facing trauma: alcoholism, painkillers and substance abuse, anger outbursts (towards people or things equally), emotional outbursts, self-isolation (can be anything from leaving a virtual chat to locking ones self in a bathroom - both of which I have done, *ahem*), self-harm (note that this also includes restricting yourself from things such as food, water, communication, sleep, etc), co-dependency (ie looking for whoever will pay attention to them regardless of what that might do in the long run)

-And here’s some better ones: hobbies, games (particularly ones that require focus), physical exercise, basic self-care (look we all should be taking care of ourselves anyways but lots of us just don’t so doing that actually really fucking helps. Dude sometimes a long hot bath and Epsom salt can just make me not want to unexist), m e d i c a t i o n,  t h e r a p y, positive social groups or support groups (not specifically a therapy support group, but any group that is supportive towards healing from things like PTSD), meditation- and/or just sitting with your fucking feelings and acknowledging it’s a THING

-PTSD is oftentimes this tree that grows from a root problem (this can be something like family trauma, war, assault, abuse, emotional neglect, loss, literally any situation which made the person feel helpless, physically OR emotionally) and that tree branches into various symptoms and side effects. Some of these are bigger and broader terms, like depression (feeling hopeless about ones self and life, often becoming so emotionally overrun that you’re just numb and don’t care anymore) or anxiety (sometimes social, sometimes situational, or both, or all)

-In other ways, side effects are very specific things that comes from the same source. These can (but do NOT always) include: nightmares, flashbacks, bodily tremors, tics, headaches, bowel issues, heart palpitations, and a broad category called psychosis (a big fancy word that means you sense something that is not actually there)

-On that psychosis thing, because lo and behold I fucking have that problem, it’s usually not as “real” as it’s made out to be. Even we question ourselves for the realness of it, which if anything kinda adds to the fear because sometimes you really don’t know. Anyways you can experience psychosis in a lot of ways, from hearing things to seeing types of hallucinations, to believing in the higher meaning of things around you and having types of delusions (I struggle with those the most). It can also vary in frequency. Some people see shadowy figures all the time at night. Some people hear stuff only once every blue moon. Often, they come in episodes that only last for a short period of time (hours to days)

-Another vague category is dissociation, a feeling of “spacing out” that might be kinda frequent and kinda freaky. People can dissociate in different ways so it’s a little harder to pinpoint how to feel, but to an outsider it really just looks like your brain did an Error 404 on you. Some people feel paralyzed and cannot move. Some people feel out of their own bodies. And some feel like the world around them doesn’t really exist. Whatever the case, this is closely tied to the flashbacks thing and it can really take you outside of the present moment. It’s easy to get lost.

-Trauma does not have to be around 100% of the time. Sometimes people can heal from trauma and almost function like normal again. But it may still always exist, and while manageable, some things like triggers (I want to cover those but I don’t have the time at the moment to) will still be hard to deal with and take time and gentleness to get through. Some people can overcome PTSD in months to years. Others overcome it in decades. Some never overcome it, but it gets manageable with time and taking the efforts to process and heal.

Okay that’s all I got time for this morning :’)

[lauren-210]

What's your favorite character from all across THG trilogy & TBOSAS?

Why do you like this character?

Favorite quote or moment from them?

Please state one (or more) thing which you don't like from them.

Thank you 😊

@curiousthg

Ahhhh yes! Happy to answer this question! 😊

Favorite character across the series: My District 2 golden boy, my best friend, my husband: Sejanus Plinth ❤️

There's certainly so much I can say about him and why I love him so much. He is literally everything for me: Compassionate, empathetic, kind, loving, selfless, brave, morally strong, pure, honest, a pacifist, and the biggest sweetheart. He is a man of heart who wears his heart on his sleeves. I adore this man. ❤️ I love his backstory, his storyline, and I find his character interesting to me. I truly see so much of myself in him when it comes having very similar personalities, our beliefs/moral compass, our life experiences (being bullied in school when we were young, being shy, not having many friends growing up), and also similar flaws we both share such as acting or thinking from our hearts first, being naïve on certain things about the world, or acting out from our emotions, especially in regards to things that pertain to our beliefs about the world or situations that happen. His humanity and his capacity to be good as well as the convictions he has in the good in humanity and people’s capacity to do good are what makes him so special to me. I love that he maintains his humanity all the way thick and through and not playing the Capitol’s game of letting them turn him into something he’s not. He always wants to do the right thing and puts others before him. ❤️

One of my favorite scenes and one of the most defining moments that showcase his humanity and emphasizes the degree to how much he cares is (and represents who he is as a person) is when he sneaks into the arena to give Marcus (his former District 2 friend/classmate and his tribute) a vigil while also going in there to die as a martyr. He was ready to make a statement for people that didn't even LIKE him and the amount of compassion and love he has in his heart to do that for Marcus despite him giving him the cold shoulder the entire time and hating him (when it could have been so easy for Sejanus to shrug Marcus off for how he was treating him) is incredible. He sees and watched him die a painful, senseless and cruel death in being hung up for display and goes in to cross his arms, perform their District 2 tradition of spreading the bread crumbs over his body to die peacefully because he wanted to say "Fuck you. You can hang up this boy but I am not letting him die without showing how human he is." He even does that for Brandy after she's killed by Peacekeepers after she kills Arachne and he wants people (no matter how cruel or unkind or violent they are; no matter where they come from) to be treated with respect and dignity.

Favorite quote: So hard to choose cause I love so many of his, but picking just one, I'd have to go with this one because it's so powerful ❤️:

"You’ve no right to starve people, to punish them for no reason. No right to take away their life and freedom. Those are things everyone is born with, and they’re not yours for the taking. Winning a war doesn’t give you that right. Having more weapons doesn’t give you that right. Being from the Capitol doesn’t give you that right. Nothing does."

No Sejanus slander in this house 🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️🙅🏻‍♀️ If I have to mention anything that I don't like about him........him being su*cidal cause that makes me so god damn depressed and he deserves the world. 😭😭😭

[notenderlaith]

A rant on ableism

Does anyone else have the problem of "You have everything!" when you use a medical term to describe a state of being or behavior. Like yes, I have heterochromia. But its not a diagnosis, or a disease, or anything of the sort. It just means that I have multiple different colors in my eyes. that's it. just like you likely have monochromia. Which is also not a diagnosis or disease. Or like how I have sensory issues. Which means I'm not gonna touch the dishes that are covered in grease and crumbs from fried chicken. Which I have no idea why its a surprise in the first place seeing how I specifically skipped dinner today because I wanted to avoid that. So when I ask literally everybody in the house if they'd rinse the dishes off and then not one offers, its "well that's your job". no its not. Its literally a rule that you rinse off your own dishes because were not small children and can clean up after ourselves. And even if it was, my sensory issues aren't just gonna pack their bags. All I'm asking is for them to be rinsed off. I will do the rest no problem. I prefer to do it because nobody else can seem to get the job done. As far as I can tell, the neurotypicals in my house (everyone else) are more dysfunctional than I am. And the only reason I seem dysfunctional is because I can't function in the dysfunctional environment they made. So when I tell you about my disability after nicely asking for accommodations, and you tell me that I have all the problems there are to have, what you are really saying is that there's no way I have these problems and I'm making it up. and the only reason one would believe that in the first place is if you consider these things to be very basic and easy to do, and that anyone who can't do it is either a liar, or so incompetent that they are not human. For some reason, I'm not allowed to have disabilities unless I'm completely stupid. I'm not stupid. I'm not a liar. I'm not dramatic. I'm not an alien or an animal. I am autistic. And its really stupid and dramatic of others to have a bigger problem with me have a disability near them, than it is for me to have the disability to begin with. Other people seem to experience so much suffering when ever I ask for accommodations that I need because yes, if I ignore my sensory issues id prolly just be inconvenienced right? wrong. I wont be inconvenienced. I'd be overwhelmed. And even if I suppressed my emotions until I could isolate, one way or another I'd scream-cry my eyes out because it is so consuming that it physically hurts me. I don't stop suffering when I mask, they just don't see it anymore. Just because I don't need leg braces and I can smile and talk like everyone else doesn't mean I'm not disabled. I'm fine with my disability, I really am. It's inconvenient but I play my cards right and make the most out of it. (spoiler alert: I can make a lot of really cool stuff out of it) But what I'm not fine with is playing dress up. I'm not the doll that people project onto. I don't do what you say because you do what you say. You make your own decisions and I make mine. And I make the decision to love and respect myself enough to not put me through a lot of unnecessary stress because "you have everything". And I can see where people are coming from with this. Yeah, I have sensory issues, echolalia, dyslexia, and executive dysfunction, but none of those are on any of my papers as a diagnosis because they are not separate disorders. They are the symptoms of one disorder. Which I am diagnosed and with and had even before the diagnosis. I've always had it and I've always been this way and I always will. There isn't a thing in the world to fix me because I'm not broken. Mental illness and disorders are a buy one get 17 free. I have ADHD and ASD, which greatly increases my chances of being trans. Those three things increase my chances of having anxiety. Those things increases my chances of getting depression.

The trauma I've experienced among my inability to cope makes it really really likely that id get PTSD and a personality disorder. so yeah, its a long list but it wont change its validity. Mental illnesses are not rare. Disabilities are not rare. Trans and intersex people are not rare. they are all around us and we have met so many of them with out even realizing and we might be them with out even knowing. Not everyone is so caught up in their own privilege. I acknowledge my privilege a lot (but still not as much as I probably should). And I try my best to boost the voices of those I have privilege over in an attempt to make change. I'm not the most pathetic person in the world. I have it fairly well. Even if I've had one of the roughest lives I've even heard of (including in realistic media), I have it pretty darn well. and If I don't, oh well idc I'm still gonna be happy when the occasion gives way. There is no amount of disability and disorder that can ruin me. But it does effect me a lot. and I take care of myself because I deserve to be taken care of. When I am on my own, I will not make food that cause sensory issues. And this dysfunction magically isn't a problem anymore because I have given myself the attention I deserve. If there is any instance where I need assistance, I will ask. And I fully intend on surrounding myself with people who are kind and willing and are at least half way decent enough to be able to recognize that disabled people look just like everyone else sometimes, and regardless of the disability or how it may affect our appearances, we are people. And those people would have no problem helping me with things and I would have no problem helping them. I get infantilized and that is why I can't help myself, not because I'm helpless. I'm not allowed to help myself. So until I get recognized as the disabled person that I am, I will forever remain the animal with every disease and disorder know to man kind. Let me do things in a way that works for me, in the only way that I can, or do it yourself. There are an extreme amount of cases where it would be necessary for me to do things in a way dictated by another person. that is incredibly sparse. If you want me to do something, act like it. Why ask me to do something if I can't do it in the only way I know how? If it needs to be done in your way, then you do it. It makes me think of getting a jigsaw puzzle solver to paint a masterpiece. Yeah they make pictures, but they do it with jigsaws, not paint. So why would you ask a puzzle solver to paint rather than a painter?

Just like the puzzle solver can make pictures like the painter can, I can do a lot of the same things people without my conditions do. But It's done in a different way. It takes time and energy and a lot more than everyone. Yeah we all have problems and get tired but I'm tired because I do my hygiene in the wrong order so I think really hard about it and take an hour and you're tired because you've been working all day. I promise it a lot harder for me. Not that abled people don't have valid problems. But they don't have disabled problems. They don't have room in the conversation of validity with disabled folks because they do not have the experience and they will not be affected when we get more and more marginalized. We speak for ourselves because we face the consequences for their mistakes and they wouldn't even notice something went wrong. It does make sense for them to hear us and get to know about different kinds of people, because we should be able to peacefully co-exist and that requires understanding. It will be inconvenient to co-exist with some disabled people, but it is for anyone. It's just inconvenient in different ways. And you wont notice the benefits because you take it for granted. But I promise that I have just as much worth as the next person.

Asking me to not be disabled is so fucking stupid. And I can't believe that I have to say that to begin with.

[alphinias]

Can we give two seconds of appreciation to one my favorite yet the most underrated Jiara crumb in existence? When s1 Kiara goes “even JJ believes” in that small cute voice and John B mocks her “ *gasp* omg even JJ believes”

SHE VALUES SO MUCH JJ’S OPINION AND IT’S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE DAY 0 😭

And the fact that they were literally sharing the hammock in that scene??? I ADORE that scene.

If they don’t use the chateau set again that means we’ll never get a proper scene of Jiara in that hammock and that makes me depressed. I want them to just rebuild it but some of chase’s comments about logistics really makes me wonder about the property owners.

[adhd-merlin]

okay unfortunately i am back in your askbox bc you asked whether anyone ships morgana with someone other than gwen. the answer is yes! multiple people, e.g. merlin. however, i specifically want to pitch: morgana and lancelot...

OKAY PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME. i have always side-eyed people who ship something based solely on its so-called 'potential' when they never actually interact. there's nothing wrong with it, but it's always baffled me. however. i need you to listen very closely and with an open mind. the witch whose bitterness and spite turned her into a power-hungry murderer, and the bravest and most noble of them all, who wishes only to serve. a woman whose heart was corrupted and a man whose heart is unfailingly pure. an aspirant queen and a perfect servant. he could save her. tbh. he could fix her. ok i'm kidding but DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M COMING FROM??? not to mention lancelot's cage fighting days when he got desperate. as honourable as he is, he knows what it is to be reduced by circumstance to something you hardly recognise. he knows what it is to become depressed, to see life through a dark tint. they can RELATE TO EACH OTHER. the most unlikely people from entirely different backgrounds can RELATE. they know the same people, as well, and lancelot's idea of them hasn't become embittered like morgana's has. they can talk to each other about these people.

we got ONE (1) scene in canon where they actually interacted, and it wasn't even actually lancelot, and yet it's SUCH A SERVE. lancelot serving under morgana is a CONCEPT. the things she says to him... she's literally so power-hungry and bitter by the time she summons him in 4x09 and yet she says, and i quote, "I thought it would please me, molding his mind. Instead, I feel curiously sad. He was once so mighty, and now he's nothing but a shade. I should be sorry to see him go." i know she was at least partially mocking him when she said, "For you are Lancelot, the noble, the brave, the honourable. You're everything the Knight's Code stands for," but. like. even fucking MORGANA, at this stage in the game, feels sad using lancelot as a tool. c'mon.

basically i'm just bitter over how the morgana arc played out and utterly obsessed with lancelot and want to explore every possible dynamic of his, whether or not they've actually interacted. i CAN and WILL gobble up my gwaincelot crumbs of lance shaking his head when gwaine chomps an apple and scares everyone in 4x01. i will do the same with morgana x lancelot. good day.

I AM DUMB. HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT MERGANA. I HAVE A TAG AND EVERYTHING.

But anyway no, I think I get what you mean about that Morgana & shade-Lancelot scene! And that quote!! It stood out to me as well!

the witch whose bitterness and spite turned her into a power-hungry murderer, and the bravest and most noble of them all, who wishes only to serve. a woman whose heart was corrupted and a man whose heart is unfailingly pure. an aspirant queen and a perfect servant. he could save her. tbh. he could fix her.

[athousandmorningss]

At one point this weekend I was surrounded literally on all sides with McDonald’s wrappers, sauces, fries, drinks, crumbs in the bed. Mourning the end of a friendship with a woman who couldn’t even dignify me with a response. Grappling with my very real and increasingly felt aloneness: wondering how many 100′s of meals I will eat by myself. Tried calling my aunt and uncle last week and this week, the only family members alive & that I speak to, but they are not answering. Grappling with getting older, greyer, fatter, more invisible. Riding the PMS wave that takes me to all states of depression, fury and sadness.

But then I taught: watched my students practice some of the things I am teaching them and do it well, admired their vulnerability and attempt and effort, smiled real big when pigeon student titled her presentation “Pigeons: Misconceptions and Achievements”; went to the lil coffee shop & finally requested what I wanted, something sweeter, please & learned that cardamom syrup can be added to a latte in a most delicious fashion; went to the park & bird watched, cried, updated my journals; came home and lesson planned for my student learner (got her a new binder and pens and pretty separators); bought a stranger a slurpie; ganna shower & cry & meditate and stretch.

I will always find the joy and I will never give up.

[marmar-woff]

M!lk 268 thoughts

This and the next chapter are not plot related, but have some interesting character development.

We have the first years fangirling about their senpais in the misfit class. It's truly impressive how much improvement the misfits have experienced. At the beginning, they were a class left in the trash (literally) to rot forever, forgotten even by the teachers (because why else would you have a specific class for the troublemakers but would never do anything to help them, even give them the worst possible classroom. You failed there teachers of Babyls). Now they have the best classroom, they have earned the respect and admiration of teachers and students, and if the heartbreaker showed anything, it is that they still have room to continue growing

Clara is the star of this chapter. She does what she does best, make a fun time for everyone. She's a good senpai willing to teach and answer their question in her own way, it's almost like she is telling a fairytale.

The question of who Clara thought was more popular is unfortunately left up in the air (I won't trying to guess who was HER choice... coff Iruma coff isthemostlogical). But she says that in their eyes she is the most popular and it's not hard to guess why they would think this. I mean they know Clara can get along w anyone, she has the charm, the ppl skills, the big sister experience. She is practically the most social of the three. Even if they are the most popular, they believe that she should be the one with that title.

I have my doubts with this statement: she is the strongest. Like, in what way? If you talk about how she can put Iruma and Azz in a good mood, she can bring them out when they're in a hole of self-doubt, depression, and sadness. She can encourage them, knowing what to say to give them advice. She's strong in that way, and that's real power. But it annoys me a bit that on the battlefield she almost always gets the short stick and not only compare to Iruma and Azz but also w some of the misfits.

She was one of the first to be eliminated from the heartbreaker, tho she also found her way of fighting, so I hope she can train those moves and be able to respond to situations like that that require combat skills. She has a crazy ass power, she can do it!!! Clara has grown a lot since her first appearance, she is listening to Iruma and Azz, following rules and condemning misdeeds.

Now I'm afraid I'm going to put a little bit of salt on this sweet chapter. Because there is a moment that may not seem like much, but it could show a small crumb of Iruma and Azz's current state of mind. You see, when Clara was asked to talk about "The Heartbreaker" she was happy and willing to talk about it, while when the two of them are asked the same thing, they are a little hesitant to answer and look at each other for a second before respectfully declining.

See the differences? That could be because Clara practically experienced a different exam, or rather a different outcome. Iruma and Azz were at the forefront of the disaster that was Atori's attack. Iruma was almost kidnapped, Shiida betrayed his partner, the former crown Poro-chan (who had previously praised and awarded them) appeared and saved the enemy, Sullivan's wrath and his power and that of the teachers. It was too much. It's understandable that they don't want to talk about it (Please Dali sensei, give these kids therapy).

I'm thinking maybe they're forbidden to tell. Not only them, but also all the other students who witnessed the attack. If I understood correctly this was not broadcast to the school. So no one can't know, which I bet makes it harder for them to process everything (Please Dali sensei, give these kids therapy x2).

Overall speaking, wholesome chapter. Long life the love trio.

[charmixpower]

Was rewatching secret of the lost kingdom on my friends huge tv after like 8 years and honestly there is so many rivusa crumbs I never noticed and that just heals my inner child🤪 like there’s the scene where after they rescues the boys from the rock eagle and she just runs and straddles him like pls they are too cute and theres also the part where after he wakes up at alfea where she hugs his arm after she sees he’s ok😭 just fits with my hc and the season 2 finale the Musa loves to hug rivens forearms and biceps🥺 omg after they manage to free domino right and blooms family is having a reunion, and Musa just grabs rivens hand after seeing them reunite😭 there’s also the part during the transition zoom out before the royal ball where everyone is clapping EXCEPT rivusa Bcs they’re in their own little world and she just looks up at him and he looks down at her and smiles while he wraps his free hand around her waist (would have never noticed this if it weren’t for the big screen)😭 then during the royal ball scene at the end after sky “proposes” to bloom and it shows the shot of the rest of the girls and guys (including nabu which like ??? Where was the man throughout the movie) riven just wraps his arms around her waist😭 I know it’s probably not that deep but to me every moment after the stabbing part is just their offscreen reconciliation we were robbed off Bcs I would love nothing more than to have seen smth of them talking out what happened and stuff (and worst part is I can’t find any fanfics of it too🤡) and also the fact that she basically got impaled and there was never any injury always bothered me (ik u had a drawing of matching scars from these 2 idiots sacrifices and honestly I like to hc that riven likes to kiss that scar Bcs it’s technically his doing but oh well kids show things🤪) like I like to think that him holding her waist is kinda like a protective instinct and a subconscious act Bcs of guilt of smtb from his actions

All in all secret of the lost kingdom has so Many whacky plot holes and yet movie rivusa always serves everything. The cuteness the angst (like stabbing ur loved one Bcs you weren’t in control of your own actions and Bcs they wanted to protect the innocent party?? Peak angst) and the small moments. I just believe that in movies: rivusa is always superior

Rewatching Winx movies is self care

Ah YESSSS!!! their so so so so so cute!!!!

I love how these two are like *holds each other* *grabs each other* *wraps around each other*, like.... physical touch love language represent, their so affectionate and adorable

Them being in their own world is YES

Nfkskfjejdkekejeje

If it makes you feel any better if you go though my Winx secret of the Lost Kingdom tag you'll see me yelling about the fall out in—NFKSKDJS YEAH SAME!! Riven is super affectionate to Musa's scar because he feels it his fault and he's trying to make it better in some small way, and Musa is super affectionate to Riven's scar because if it wasn't for him she'd quite literally be dead and it's the physical representation of his dedication and love for her and OH MY GOD I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOREVER

Yesssss I feel like Riven actually managed to fight off the body puppeting spell for a while, matching how Riven broke out of a spell to save Musa in s2, but he couldn't hold on long and Musa was using the fact that he didn't want to hurt her to stop Matorgora form using him. Basically putting Riven into a situation where he has to fight as hard as he can because Musa refuses to move and if he doesn't he'll majorally injure the person he loves the most. There is just SOO much emotion, like most of him feels guilty because Musa was steadfast in the idea that Riven could hold off the spell and he tried his best but he couldn't

Oh im so obsessed with that, he gently tries to protect her injury so she doesn't get hurt again

I have a hc that he does the same thing when he's feeling anxious or depressed unintentionally making himself feel way worse by reminding him of the worst possible scenario

Yes yes yes YES!! big agree!!!! Rivusa is just amazing in the movies, I love them always, but the movies are *chef's kiss*

Ough the parallels of Musa and Riven taking an injury to help their partner out, never getting over it, never getting over it