#these two mean the world to me rn I can’t stop thinking about them

[softcorecurcits]

Making out with out mouths or something idk. I don’t think that’s actually working but hey, at least they’re happy.

[2knightt]

if you havent already, request for the outsiders boys with a super sweet sunshine s/o?

↳i love you, so let me get to you!₊˚✧

──IN WHICH, the gang dates a happy go-lucky reader!。✦

||✰ — the gang, separately

Johnny Cade ;

your kindness probably frightened him at first, he wasn’t used to anyone as nice as you.

but when he gets to know you are—he can’t get enough.

your happiness probably rubs off on him.

johnny’s smiling more, opening doors for people, and has a little spring in his step.

the gang definitely knows about you and teases johnny about it.

“you gotta stop hangin’ ‘round y/n. you’re starting to get their smile.”

“yeah, johnnycakes. i swear—i ain’t never seen you this happy.”

“get used to it, i dunno.”

you refuse to see the bad in people, and honestly johnny kinda likes that mindset.

but he doesn’t at the same time.

he knows people in the world suck, he knows how cruel it can be—but with you by his side, you make it bearable.

you make him feel actual hope that he can get out of this place.

make him feel like he has a future.

“thank you.”

“for what?”

“..everything, y/n.”

Dallas Winston ;

opposites attract dare i say?

i can see you calming dallas down, just a bit though.

not too much. just a lot.

he stops beating up people for no reason, yelling so much, and even helps a few old ladies cross the street.

only when people aren’t look though. this is still dallas.

“jus’ get outta ‘ere, punk!”

“aw, dallas! you let ‘em go! ‘m so proud.”

“whatever.”

he mumbles, snaking an arm around your waist with his other hand stuffed in his pocket.

the gang was so fucking shocked when they found out you two were dating.

“…for real?”

“you ain’t pulling our legs, are ya?”

“no? what the hell would make you guys think that?”

“they’re sweet while you’re—you.”

“fuck’s that ‘posed mean?”

“nothing.”

i feel like a lot of people would judge you for being so happy, especially with the situation with soc’s and greasers.

but dally shuts them up real fast.

“they gotta be on drugs. no way someone can be that happ—“

“who? who’s on drugs? c’mon, you can tell me.”

“uh—no one, dallas.”

“you sure?”

“yeah.”

punches them anyways.

but i don’t want you to scroll with a bad taste in your mouth.

just know, you’re the only relationship dally has been serious about in a long time.

a very, long time. so—he loves you to death.

Ponyboy Curtis ;

admired you somewhat.

he loves the aura that surrounds you. he thinks it’s different—way different than what he’s used too.

he’s used to people beating others, spitting on people, mocking, teasing.

but you?

you go out of your way to help those who were pushed down, bullied, spit on.

he admired that. he admired you.

he loved that about you.

tries to pick up your habits—but ends up failing.

“pony, when’d you become so…happy go-lucky, huh?”

“is it bothering you?”

“a little.”

“…fuck you too then.”

i feel like he’d look for a partner like that.

his type??? possibly???

you just,

give him hope.

hope that he can leave tusla and live the life he wanted on the country side.

Sodapop Curtis ;

same thing, different font.

you two get along so well it’s sickening.

when the two of you walk in a room together you blind everyone with how bright the both of you are.

im not joking.

“did he really, soda?”

“yeah! can you believ—“

“JESUS CHRIST!”

“what?”

“get out.”

“WHY?!”

“what?!”

“y’all are ruining my bad mood. screw off.”

“is he always like this?”

“yeah. just ignore two-bit.”

takes after you a lot.

like a lot.

started fighting less, helping out more costumers at the DX, etc.

he loves talking about you.

he just

does.

you’re all he talks about. i’d know, cause i’m literally writing this rn.

Darry Curtis ;

THIS DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE OH MY GOD.

cold, closed off darry with a cute, kind and sweet reader.

i’m crying just thinking about it.

you force him to open him to others.

literally.

“how’s your day, darry?”

“okay.”

“just okay? didn’t something happen at work today?”

“well yeah.”

“then tell, em! he’s your brother, babe.”

people always chuckle, seeing you cling to his arm—all smiles while he sits, looking like a guard dog.

but as soon as darry glares at them—they stop laughing.

everyone calls you sunshine after darry mockingly called you that. sorry i don’t make the rules :/ (yes i do.)

“hey, sunshine!”

“oh—hey, dal!”

“don’t call them that.”

“why not, superman?”

“because.”

Steve Randle ;

Guard dog 2.0

you gotta hold him back all the time help.

“steve! you know violence isn’t good—i hate it!”

“LEMME AT ‘EM, BABE! C’MON!!”

isn’t also—not used to people being so nice to him.

so you being so affectionate, looking out for him, loving him—just being so nice to him in general is so..shocking.

“you did so good today, love. ‘m so proud.”

“what?”

“oh? did you not hear me?”

“no—i did. it was just, outta nowhere. kinda spooked me a lil.”

please just love him.

please. he needs it.

he needs someone like you in his life and he’s so glad you are in his life.

he would’ve lost his mind a long time ago if you weren’t.

Two-bit Matthews ;

YALL ARE SO CUTE.

silly goofy guy with a sweet loving partner.

you let him ramble about anything and everything. he couldn’t be more happy.

“and they dance, like all the time!”

“even the dog?”

“EVEN THE DOG! he got his own moves, y/n!”

brags about dating the kindest person in Tulsa 24/7.

like, actually.

if you don’t like his drinking cause you know it’s slowly killing him, he’ll slow down on it.

“two, you know i don’t like you drinkin’ this stuff!”

“i know. but it’ll be my last one tonight, promise.”

“better be, ‘m worried for you.”

you’re like all he talks about.

he’s just so blessed to have an angel in his life!

like, what’d a guy like him do to get a person like you? save a country?

[lovelaetter]

I cant stop thinkin about nings hands tied up over her head and fucking her against her will ahh she’d scream and cry but no one cares 😵‍💫

TW: NONCON really

better if you are her best best best friend and there’s already these rumours around that one, she’s a whore — which she is, like, not even a rumour, every man in town has fucked her or got her on her knees for them or saw her tits at some point — and two, you guys fuck… which isn’t true, unfortunately, she is a girl’s girl too, kissed you a few times on tipsy nights, but always said it would be so weird to have something with you, you’re her best friend!

even better if she also has the reputation to like being roughed up and liking gross things, and she always tells you everything people do to her and her eyes are always shining, giggling like it’s the funniest thing in the world but it totally isn’t for you because it fills you with such jealousy :( how come those people who don’t even know her get her but you don’t? you, who 100% would know how to make her feel so fucking good!

so one day you two are out at a party at somebody’s house and the place is so crowded it doesn’t take much time for her to disappear with someone only to come back licking her lips and fingers and a little dizzy.. it fills you with so much rage, you can’t even think, the only thing you know is that as soon as she walks closer you’re taking her hand and saying you need to check yourself and dragging her to the nearest bathroom while she groans telling you to go alone, she wants to enjoy the party.

miraculously finding an empty bathroom and she kinda forgets she was complaining seconds before, focusing on checking her makeup and hair, babbling about the guy she just gave head, how he fucked her mouth and everything. poor girl is too entranced on her own thoughts to realize you locking the door and staring at her in anger, only paying attention when you wrap your arms around her waist and starts kissing her neck, and again nothing out of ordinary, u get touchy sometimes, but she pushes you way saying she’s not interested rn, she wants party, later maybe.

but… you won’t move? instead, you tighten your arms around her, telling her to “shut up, yizhuo” and there’s this nervous laugh because haha, what are you doing? where are your hands going? hello? while you shamelessly grope her tits, panicking already trying really hard to take your hands off her, “stop, i’m being serious”. her with her hair tied with a ribbon, so adorable, you really didn’t want to ruin it, but there’s no choice with how much she moves, undoing her hair and forcing her hands to her back, using the ribbon to tie them together with a real tight knot just in case, not minding if her wrists will be sore later or whatever.

the tears come so fast, why are you doing this? so many “stop” and “don’t, please” ignored as you just focus on feeling her body :( yanking her top down and she’s obviously not wearing a bra, tits free for your to grope, watching how she squirms and pants, not being able to hold her whines when you pinch and roll her nipples between fingers… y’know she’s sensitive :(

tenses so hard when your hands find her ass, pulling her skirt and tiny panties down her legs too, your laugh sending shivers up her spine when you give a few slaps to her cunt because “asking me to stop but you’re dripping!” and she desperately wants to tell you she isn’t dripping for you, she isn’t liking this at all, but is it true? is it just because of what she did to the guy before or she was enjoying it a bit? horniness and alcohol making her brain all foggy… more tears when you shove three fingers in her, sliding so easily, wet noises embarrassing loudly. and you’re so mean!! nothing for her little clit :( but she comes anyway, tries so hard to hide it from you but you know it by the way her body stills and she’s closing her eyes real hard and biting her lips, apart from the clench around your fingers obvious. same hand that was in her coming to hold her face, wetness smearing all over her jaw and mouth while u force her to look at herself in the mirror, saying she needs to see how beautiful she looks!

now, maybe screams fr when she feels you parting her asscheeks and your spit on her puckered hole… and when you get your fingers back in her clearly not to toy with her more but to make them wet again. squirms and kicks and pleads you to not do that, all while you’re chill, shushing her by whispering “god, ning, it’s fine, just a little, okay? a finger, you’ve taken worse things before” but a fingers that goes in really hard turn into a second to help you make scissors movements in her tight hole that turns into a third after you think she’s ready… she isn’t much but takes all of it, she’s a tough girl! body slack over the the bathroom sink, mouth hanging open and sniffing. you complimenting her, saying she looks so perfect, that you always knew she was going to take everything from you like a pro :( encouraging her to fuck herself on your fingers and for a moment she doesn’t move but then braces herself and slowly start pushing her ass against your hand… pretty little whore she is, always needing to feel something :(

she wonders why no one cared about checking on her, but again, you’re her best best best friend? who would ever think you were really hurting her? :(

i also can’t help but think about her avoiding you for a long time after, she knew what you did was a terrible thing, she hated it (did she?) but also, she can’t help but touch herself and imagine it’s you, stuff her ass and think of you, growing so frustrated that she can’t fit three fingers in her ass like you did… maybe she should just ask you to hurt her again :(

[sentientgolfball]

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK (re: phantom/aether ficlet) YOU CANT JUST THROW A BUNCH OF MY FAVE KINKS INTO ONE FICLET THEN SAY THIS

AND END IT THERE OH MY GOD ELABORATE??? PLEAS MAKE PART TWO AND ELABORATE IM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU ON MY KNEES RN

mwehehehehehee

That's it that's all I have to saw about that

Tags: mean Aeth, irresponsible use of quintessence, knot mention

Aether shoved his knot passed their lips, gripping the back of their head while he came down their throat. Phantom would’ve came when the taste hit his tongue, but Aeth made sure that was impossible. He dick was so hard and he’s sure he would’ve came at least three times by now if it wasn’t for the amount of quint Aether was pouring into him. His scars hadn’t stopped glowing for the last ten minutes. 

“Once this goes down we’re gonna see if you can take my whole hand, how does that sound love bug?” 

Phantom projected his affirmation into Aether’s mind. The older quint smiled, petting at his cheek to feel his knot inside. Phantom would have to thank Cirrus and Cumulus later for teaching him the tricks. 

When his knot finally deflates, Aether pulls out of his mouth and gives him a moment to breathe. There’s still not a single part of his body Phantom can move except for his eyes. He feels floaty, like he’s watching everything Aether is doing to his body through a window. He can’t even moan when Aeth flips him over and prodes a finger into his ass, vocal chords completely paralyzed. Aether gets the idea though, the connection between their quintessence making every thought and feeling as clear as day. 

When Aether slides a second finger in Phantom’s dick twitches. He wishes more than anything Aether would let him cum. They’ve been at this for what feels like hours now. But Aether’s not done yet. And if Aether isn’t done then Phantom isn’t done. 

“You’ve been so good for me. Taking everything I’ve given you” Aether curls his fingers. 

Phantom’s eyes flutter and he instinctively tries to buck back against him, but his hips don’t even twitch. 

“It’s amazing what the body can do with a little bit of help isn’t it? I could teach you so much” Aether slides his fingers out of his ass only to shove a third one in. 

Phantom practically begs over their connection. What for he has no idea anymore. His whole world right now is Aether. He can feel him in every crevice in his mind, can feel his touch lighting up every nerve in his body. He thinks he’d like that, knowing the tricks Aether does. Phantom knows the pack sure as hell would love it. The idea of Rain or Dew or Mountain begging him to fuck them like this sends a wave of pleasure through him. Aether laughs low when he feels it shudder through him. 

“Yea love bug is that what you want? Maybe some other night. This one’s for me.” 

Aether slips a fourth finger into them and they swear they can feel a dribble of pre leak from their cock through Aether’s control. Though when the feeling only grows he knows exactly what it is. It’s Aether’s cum trickling out of his ass, sliding down his dick and coating his thighs. 

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll fill you again when I’m finished with this.”

Ever so slowly Aether works his fifth finger into Phantom, giving a satisfied hiss when he finally gets his whole hand inside of him. He doesn’t move, giving Phantom a moment to recuperate as he focuses his quintessence on the straining muscles. He urges him to relax and Phantom is helpless to it. It doesn’t help that everything Aether feels is being echoed back through him. He wants it just as desperately as him, maybe even more given the suggestion he projects across the bond. 

“You sure you want me to do that love bug?” Aether asks, but they both know he’s already made up his mind. 

Phantom blinks at him. It’s the closest thing to a nod he can physically do. 

Aether laughs “You’re worse than Mountain.” 

He slowly uncurls one of his fingers, quickly followed by the second. He carefully scissors his fingers inside of him. He grunts when he hears Phantom whine in his mind, cock kicking in his lap and spitting a thick glob of pre. He takes his time uncurling the rest of his fingers, savoring every little noise that rattles in his head. He flexes his all five fingers and Phantom swears he saw the Hells again for a moment. Aether stays like that for a minute or an hour, Phantom’s brain too full of honey to notice anything until he feels the pressure of him carefully slipping his fist out of him. 

“Oh Hells Phantom, love bug, look at you you’re fucking gaping” Aether traces his rim with a feather light touch. 

“You’re going to be ruined for anyone else. Fuck I don’t even think my knot will catch” he pauses and hums thoughtfully “I guess there’s only one way to find out though.”

[yuuxhan]

Venti x reader headcanons

Angst + Fluff

(I can’t sleep rn and I’ve been listening to angst all night!! So enjoy!! I tried to keep this as canon as possible)

He has these cute nicknames for you, “Darling” “Love” but his most common one is “Windblume~”

Poor guy is very self conscious, he’s always thinking the body he’s in is not his and he hates it.. he wants you to love him not the nameless bard.

“Please.. oh please.. You don’t.. like him.. right? You love me right? You love ME right??”

Please.. please don’t let him near a mirror.. he will have a breakdown right then and there. Seeing himself reminds him of the past

Gifts! Give him lots of gifts, it’ll show him you really do appreciate and love him.. in return he’ll give you hugs and kisses.. maybe even a bouquet of Cecelias <3

The thought of you not being from this world makes his heart break.. he knows you’ll leave Teyvat and him one day forever and he’s never going to forgive himself for not stopping you

Aftercare at the tavern is always important, if he’s super drunk take him home immediately, give him a warm bath and water before he goes to bed, he’ll appreciate it in the morning

If he ever sees you standing and talking to a someone, he’ll run over and jump on you like a friendly tackle. He’s very embarrassing to be around but you’d get used to it.

“Venti!! I was trying to buy some supplies..!”

“I couldn’t help myself! I saw you standing there and.. it was a clear opening~”

He absolutely loves cuddles, especially with a warm blanket when it’s cold outside. You two, sitting by a small flame. He’d love to hum you to sleep on him, it’s the best feeling ever.

Every night he goes to the huge statue of himself near the church and sit on the hands, he loves laying down on it, it reminds him of when he was a small whisp on the nameless bard’s hands. He’d love to bring you up there too, the wind and the view is gorgeous up there for sunrise.

“Thank you for coming up here with me.. this spot makes me feel more at home, especially now that you’re here with me..~”

If you ever need to find him feeling down and depressed, check windrise.. the spot by the statue feels somewhat comforting for him. Maybe because the statue ‘heals’ him..

He loves to play you songs and sing to you! If it’s private or in front of a crowd, you always get the first spot up close! He also rehearses around you once he’s comfortable with you.. your feedback is always important.

He loves absolutely everything about you, from your head to your toes, from your personality to your eyes.. he gives you compliments all day out of nowhere, it’s quite the tease sometimes but he loves your reaction. He can go on and on and ramble to strangers about you.

“Hey hey hey! Majorie! Have you seen (name)!? When was the last time you saw them?? Was their hair down today? I love it when their hair is down.. it looks so fluffy and it blows in the wind so perfectly..~!”

Even though he seemed tough on the outside, he’s quite sensitive, some comments just get to him and he can’t help but to believe them.

“Oh.. is that what they mean..? Alright..”

Nightmares are a major thing.. flashbacks to 500 year ago during the archon war frightens him.. seeing Mondstat in nothing but flames makes him horrified.

His cries are soft and quiet, you can barely hear him.. though when the time comes for him to scream and sob.. it’s like all of Teyvat can hear it through the wind.

Please comfort him, even if it’s just hugs or a simple nudge of affection.. anything to help him. He’s not used to human emotions still, especially crying so he shakes and gasps for air a lot

“What’s.. going on.. why can’t I.. breath.. help me.. please.. please.. Windblume..”

Dragonspine still scares him till this day, he fears that one day the protection he put over mondstat will break and Durin (the dragon created by Rhinedottir that Dvalin & him took down) will return.

Playing with his cheeks makes him blush, he’s very squishable and he loves it when you do. He ends up laughing when he sees your mocking face and he might squish yours too!

“Ou ou ou.. yoush shqushing tuu haurd..! Stuup ut~!”

Tickles!! He’s so ticklish!! Under his arms, his waist, his neck.. anywhere gets him to laugh.

Braid his hair! He loves intimate touch like that.. he would sit on the bed beside you with his eyes shut, staring as quiet as possible while you fix his hair for him, he feels pampered and taken care of <3

He never celebrates his birthday.. he always thinks of it as the day the nameless bard died. So he doesn’t tell anyone and spends his day drinking away at the tavern..

If he’s using you as comfort on a bad day, the both of you would be sitting down somewhere, his arms as legs would be wrapped around your back. He would want you to hold him like a child but he’d be embarrassed about wanting such comfort and he’d stay silent with a blush on his cheeks, even though he enjoy every moment of it.

“Um.. hey.. do you, mind if I um.. hugged you.. for a moment..?” His cheeks all flustered and his gaze looking away from you.

Venti is terrified of thunderstorms, as a whisp, you can imagine how scary it would be for someone so small and fragile to whiteness something so loud and terrifying. He still has that fear to this day and with you by his side, he’d latch onto you like a child, begging for some sort of comfort to sheild him from his scary it would be. Every flash and bang the storm creates, he’d jump and hide himself in your grasp.. it would make him seem so small, fragile and weak at that point.. but he didn’t care.. he’d want to feel safe.

He HATES to be strapped down to things.. he absolutely despise it.. even if it’s like a ride or for fun, he will not do it. The whole point of his freedom is to be free to do what you want, you know? But even so, he has a fear of being tied to things and he will do anything.. and I say ANYTHING to get out.

When he cries, he tends to find something to distract him.. wether it’s just a pebble on the concrete ground he picked up or just staring at a flower beside him. And when you hug him, he holds onto you tightly, his finger making small patterns on your back to distract himself for comfort. If you giggle from it feeling ticklish he’d laugh with you.. it would most likely make him feel better

He loves it when he’s being held in your arms, cradled so closely. He feels so loved, even though he was never used to it from all those centuries. He loves when you sing to him like that, especially that one song… even if it makes him feel like a baby, being pampered by you is something he’ll never get over.

“You are my sunshine.. my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.. please don’t take, my sunshine.. away.”

Venti is actually weightless. He’s the god of wind, not to mention he’s a spirit, not even human. This guy is very easy to carry like a baby, which helps since he’s always jumping on you in surprise hug attacks. Him being weightless makes it easier for you too, you’re able to carry him home like nothing when he’s drunk or just wants to be pampered or worshipped somehow.

(That’s all for now! I’ll add more later on!! :>

I’ll be making a venti angst fic soon! Stay tuned for it!!! 🤗)

(Update, fic has been posted! Along with a fluff of venti preforming Solider, poet, king!)

[cowboy-like-mee]

i wish i could change

summary: depressed! reader and boyfriend! harry

warnings: depression, mentions of wanting to d word

word count: 1.1k

a/n: hello. i am ending my year and a half long hiatus. i am writing this in the midst of a depressive episode, so it is based off real life me rn! it was kinda therapeutic tbh. i feel a lot better after getting this out.  i listened moon song by phoebe bridgers, my tears ricochet by taylor swift, and a different age by current joys on repeat while writing this. have fun!

p.s. i kind hate this :/ i feel like the end is rushed but whatev. i hope you enjoy. i feel like i might want to write more about this couple. i have many ideas also! if you have any requests let me know! or i can post what my ideas are and yall can tell me what you want first!

masterlist

Sitting in the filth of your room never made it any better. But you just couldn’t help it. There were empty bags of chips and dirty clothes everywhere. The floors need vacuuming. The bed hasn't been made in weeks- the fitted sheet isn't even on the bed anymore. You've just been lying on the bare mattress with a blanket covering you that doesn't even reach your feet. The smell of old food and dirty laundry stings your nose every time you breathe in a little too deeply. You needed a shower. There were clumps of your hair sitting next to a pair of scissors on your desk from where you had decided it was a good idea to chop a few inches off at 3 am yesterday. 

You're pretty sure you hadn't been to a single class in at least a month. You were failing only two at the moment, luckily. Last semester it was three. Emails and text messages were piling up in your inboxes. There was no point in setting alarms anymore. You knew you weren't going to wake up anyway. 

You really just missed your mom. You missed her encouraging words and her hugs. Her hugs. Any of your problems were made to be nothing with just one of her hugs. You know she would be beyond disappointed to see the state of your life right now. 

Nothing even happened to make you feel this way. It's just a part of that never-ending cycle of depression that seems to hinder everything you try to do. There are no words to describe what happens in your head when you get like this. No therapist or medication could ever stop this feeling. It's like the weight of the world sits on your chest. You can't breathe. You can't think. You can't move. You can't even provide yourself with the basic necessities one needs to survive. 

You try to tell yourself to get out of this funk, but nothing will help. Nothing has ever helped. 

Well...maybe one thing has.

Harry.

Your boyfriend on two years. The man who has helped you out of funk numerous amounts of times throughout the last couple of years. Of course, you don't always feel like this. It comes and goes. It seems nowadays it mostly comes. It never seems to go. But when it has come, Harry has been there for you. He has fed you and showered you and loved you and kissed you and never ever judged you. 

You feel like a burden. 

No matter how many times he tells you he does it because he loves you. He hates seeing you like that. He wishes he could take all of your pain away. You mean everything to him. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

You don't know why. What kind of man wants a girl who goes four days without showering at times. Or a girl who wakes up at 3 pm because at night her thoughts wander so far she has to hit herself in the head to stop them. A girl who can't just...be normal. 

Either way, you know one thing is for certain. You love Harry. You really do. You probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. He has changed your life. There have been more good moments with him than bad. He kisses you just to kiss you. He watches your favorite movie with you weekly (even though you know he despises it.) He goes out to brunch with your parents because he loves talking to the people who created you. He buys you flowers every time he goes to the market just because he loves to see you smile every time he gives them to you. 

He really was made for you. Nevertheless, you felt like you didn't deserve him. 

You wish you could change. You wish you could change for him. You wish it was easier to be alive. You wish you didn't want to die. For him. Not for yourself. You wish you could be the perfect girlfriend. The girlfriend he deserved, not one that rots away in her room.

Harry walks in. You hear the door to your apartment creak open and gently shut. Footsteps lead into the kitchen, probably putting down the food you know he probably bought for you. You sit up and try to put on your most neutral face. You sniff your armpits and wince a little. It's only been since yesterday morning you showered, but a little deodorant wouldn't hurt. Your door opens letting in light, making your eyes squint and your hand instinctively come up to block it. 

"Y/N?" Harry says. You smile for the first time since you saw him last a few days ago. "Hey, baby." He gives you the softest, pure smile you've ever seen in your whole life. He tilts his head at you with a concerned look on his face. 

"Hi." You croak out, using your voice for the first time in a while. He walks up to your bed and pulls the blanket down to lie with you. You scoot over to make room for him. He climbs in and immediately wraps his hands around you. His face buries into your neck and plants soft kisses along your throat. Your hand goes into his hair and softly brushes through his soft curls. 

He hums. "Mmm, I love you." He kisses you again right on your jawline. "I've missed you, baby. How has my girl been?" Your throat tightens. You're regretting not answering his texts. He's probably been worried. 

You smile sadly. "I love you more, angel. I-" You pause to think of an adequate answer to your disappearance the past few days. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't answered your texts. I've just been...not feeling well. I've missed you too. So much." Your eyes are welling with tears, but your room is dark so maybe he won't notice. 

He pulls back a little to look at your face. His heart breaks. His girl has been feeling bad and he hasn't been here for her. "Oh, honey. It's okay. You know I just want to make sure you're okay." He kisses you sweetly. Your heart swells. He really is perfect. "I brought you dinner. I hope you haven't eaten." He smiles at you.

You laugh wetly. " Eating hasn't really been my number one priority today." 

He frowns, "Y/N, you have to eat, love. It's important to take care of your body." He sits up and grabs your hand. "Come one. Let's go eat and watch Silver Linings Playbook." He pulls you up from your nest. He wraps his arms around you and engulfs you in a hug. Your head rests on his chest and you just breathe in. 

You reach up and kiss him. You will never understand how this man can be so selfless. He really has changed your life. You will love him at your highs, and you will love him at your lows.

[slafkovskys]

https://www.tumblr.com/brindleys/725196159613812736/okay-do-we-think-josh-x-lukes-friend-catch

I NEED THE PART RN PLEASE PLEASE OR ILL DIE

“you could have told me that he had a boyfriend,” josh mumbles, holding his head in his hands as she smirks. as soon as jake (josh learns after she had very awkwardly introduced them) left the house, he had to take a seat because he could not believe what he had done, what she had just made him do.

“you could’ve asked before you just assumed that we were fucking,” she rolls her eyes. “his boyfriend is the president of the frat and he is my best friend, so yeah, i go to parties every now and again. not that it’s really any of your business.”

“y/n-”

“you don’t have the right to come to my house after doing what you did and announce that you’re my boyfriend because you’re not. you made that so very clear time and time again,” she shakes her head, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her sweatpants. he has to watch as her cheeks start to burn and a chuckle escaped her lips.

“what’s so funny?” josh asks with wide eyes. she shrugs him off and he looks somewhat offended as she shuts off her phone and sets it face down on the top of the sofa, right beside his shoulder, “y/n-”

“just a guy that asked me to go out to dinner tomorrow. no big deal.”

“no big deal?” he scoffs, “you- you’re seeing somebody else? like, actually?”

“yeah. like i said, i’ve moved on with my life. is that such a problem for you?” she raises an eyebrow, gauging his reaction to the information, “it is, isn’t it?”

he looks at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world when he says, “and if it is?”

“josh, we aren’t together. i mean, when we’re together we’re together. but when you’re in ottawa and i’m in minnesota, we’re both single. like, was there a miscommunication or something?” she watches as his eyes shift to the floor and that’s when she rounds the corner, standing right in front of him, “no, josh. you flew out here in the middle of the season for a reason. what was that reason?”

“you know what that reason is,” his voice is quiet and she shakes her head.

“i can’t read minds and you want to shut down every single time that i bring it up, so no, i don’t know the reason. no more games, no more bullshit-”

“i love you, okay?” the words fall out so easily, “yeah, seeing you with someone else, talking about going out with someone else pisses me off because you’re supposed to be mine. what i said during the summer, i meant that shit.”

“you meant that shit,” she mumbles as she runs a hand over her face, “okay, josh, i’ll bite. how do you expect it to work? i’m in minnesota, you’re in ottawa. not to mention i’m still in college and one of luke’s friends.”

“god, you are so stubborn,” he chuckles and her eyes narrow, “planes exist. you know how a hockey schedule works, sweetheart. i’ll have stretches where i’m home for more than two days. i’ll buy your tickets, maybe even splurge on first class-”

she scoffs, “what a gentleman.”

“i was raised right,” he confirms, finally pushing himself to stand. his hands find their way to her hips and she looks at him with raised eyebrows, “i don’t care that you’re twenty years old or that you’re luke’s friend. quinn’s my friend, luke’s more of an acquaintance. now, if that’s all that’s stopping you…”

her eyes flutter closed as his lips press to the side of her neck. she lets her self melt into his body as she brings her hand to the back of his neck, letting a whisper of his name leave her lips.

“don’t tell me that you don’t think about us. don’t let what we had during summer die out,” it’s a mumbled plea that she hears loud and clear, “give me a shot, y/n, and i’ll make it worth your while.”

she pulls away, wrapping her arms around his neck. she stares for a moment, trying to decipher any hint of a lie that he would have told, but there isn’t one. his eyes are pleading, desperate, and she huffs, “i would hate for you to have wasted your money on a flight.”

he squeezes her hips as his face lights up, “so, is that a yes?”

“depends on how well you wine me and dine me before you leave.”

he chuckles because they both knew that was the closest thing to a yes she would ever give him.

[ssreeder]

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INTERESTING READ SREEDIE BC IVE GOT VAVAVOOM BY NICKI MINAJ STUCK IN MY HEAD RN

hey handsome ;)

I’m back bc you can’t get rid of me ever <3

katara is so real for finding comfort in arbitrary routine. like I’m not following the politeness rules for YOU I’m following the politeness rules for ME so that I feel better >:(

ALSO what I think is really important to remember and usually gets lots in fanon, the fact that zuko like.. literally IS the face of the fire nation in the war for katara. like she has nobody else to project on OF COURSE it’s going to be fucking Rough to overcome her hatred for zuko when he’s literally synonymous with genocide for her. unless there’s somebody else she can realistically focus on (ie. the fire lord is too abstract a concept for her rn), it’s never really gonna get better AND YOU CANT BLAME HER bc how else are you meant to process fear and anger if you have nowhere to direct it (does this line of thinking mean I need therapy sreedie?? answer honestly)

OHOHO look at that sreedie. I’ve gone an anticipated katara’s own musings. I’m so psychic today.

also really depressing that zuko actually does canonically look like his father so like… katara isn’t exactly Wrong to imagine his face

aaaaaand he’s back to normal with the monosyllabic responses !! and anger !! he’s healing so well.

trust zuko to argue about the semantics of life saving lmfao

CRYING WHEN ANGRY IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING I FEEL YOU SO HARD KATARA

not katara accidentally predicting the zukka relationship out of anger T-T

NOT THE “I will be back” NOTE ZUKO PLS

SLAY AANG ILY AANG YOURE THE BEST ZUKKA WINGMAN EVER

ughhh FUCK OFF IROH just say you’re homophobic jfc

YES JEE I’m always in the I Love Jee camp so this is nothing new BUT YES CRITIQUE IROHS HANDLING OF ZUKO

jee is TOTALLY a literature nerd with all the analysis of implications of zukos outfit that he’s doing and I am so here for it

HAIR RUFFLES WIDNWLDNQPXBWFORN THE HAIR FRHDKWE AODKW I am completely calm and reasonable about this.

sokka is like “I’m so good at being subtle about being in love with zuko :D” and zuko is like WE JUST FUCKED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY MAYDAYMAYDAY

LMAO jee is like FINALLY some drama to become invested in

I LOVE CULTURAL CUSTOMS AHHHHHH I’m such a goddamn nerd ohmygod

YAYYYY TOPH I love toph she’s a ride or die fr

nooooo now I’m emotional about jee. the whole being fire nation first and human being second is a really nice touch though, in terms of world building and reasoning behind why fire nation citizens are so committed to the war effort despite their own suffering bc of it

wait wait maybe I’m going insane rn but WAIT a moment please… so this is what I’m working with: when zukka got separated, sokka became like Both of them?? like they didn’t have each other to balance themselves out, so sokka adopted zukos personality (without the zuko skill set Unfortunately) and conversely, zuko like… Had Neither personality bc he was fucking Dying so he had other priorities. and now both of them are out of whack bc their personality divisions are fucked

OMG RASU telling sokka he groped zuko in front of everyone T-T he’s doing the lord’s work

ohohohoboho rasu knowssssss ʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉ

THESE BITCHES ARE ENGAGED OMG

DADKODA AND CHANGGGGGGG oh I’m so happy rn. I’m genuinely going to squeal when chang and zuko reunite AND FUCK IROH HE CAN GET FUCKED JEE GET A BETTER LEADER TO DEDICATE YOURSELF TO

anyways :D

I’m expecting zuko and chang to have the most magical long awaited airport reunion imaginable, and if these two bitches DONT hug I’m going to cut all your electrical wires and clog your toilets

KISSES XXXXXX

I have accepted I’ll never be rid of you, so I’ve stopped trying. <3

Haha, I think we could ALL use some therapy lol <3 but as for Katara I think she is allowed to be upset and dramatic because she is 15 and tired. So stop being an asshole Zuko.

I think both Zuko & Katara left that interaction feeling less than satisfied.

I love writing Jee as the man who notices shit. Haha. Why is his collar so high? IDK JEE WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

fucking love Jee

I’m a sucker for details, and unfortunately I can’t always get them all out into the writing but I wasn’t going to CUT (hahahaha GET IT??) the hair lore mwahaha.

Dude Chang and Zuko reunion is long over due but also I might be a dick and just bomb everything before Chang gets close

Why not right?

KISSSSSSESSSSS XOXOXO

[cantstoptheimagines]

just finished watching journey to bethlehem so i could see milo manheim and uhhh... here are my “train of thoughts” notes, meaning there is literally no organization here

@multifandomsimagine must hate me rn because i basically gave her a play by play of the entire movie bc it's just so campy. it's literally just a bible dcom to be quite honest. (also i am officially campaigning for milo manheim to play flynn rider and it’s all based on his role as joseph alone) 💀

They think I wouldn’t notice the inclusion of a Pair of Kings actor, but I did

Not even two minutes in, I can already tell this movie is going to be fucking hilarious

The narration sucks, it’s so bland

Why is the “Journey to Bethlehem” song suddenly a pop ballad?

The costuming is okay, but the language is so modern. This feels like a play written by TikTok

The first song is a bop

The facial expressions so far are very bland

I feel like it’s trying to provide some feminism anecdotes, which I find very interesting. Not what I expected at all to be honest

Feels like a play you’d do in high school for extra drama club credits

Joseph is literally just Wally Clark if he were in a Bible study club

I genuinely can’t tell if this is meant to be satirical or not

I’m living for Puss in Boots as an evil king, iconic

Good to Be King is the ultimate showtime villain song. I will die on this hill

Love the choreography in this villain song. Love men who can dance in sync while stomping their armored boots

THE SNAPPER LIGHTS, I’M CRYING

Love Mary’s betrothal outfit

This dialogue is so fucking funny and for what reason?!

Office camera glance

I really like the shot of them behind the water wheel thing, it’s gorgeous

His hand is so much bigger than hers, oh my god

Gabriel. Iconic. Hilarious.

Far more Mary centered than I expected. It’s definitely her movie

Camera work during Mother to a Savior is beautiful

Love the map graphics

That cut from Mary/Elizabeth to Joseph. The editing in this movie is so smooth

Good Joseph, Bad Joseph. Why is he dressed like evil Legolas? Their outfits are giving Anakin and Padme

The Ultimate Deception is definitely one of the best songs. Joseph fighting against himself in his own subconscious, singing a duet with himself! Are you kidding me?!

Officially considering Joseph fanfiction

The Magi are everything musical theatre needs right now

The donkey as a running joke lol

We Become We is a love song for the ages, try to prove me wrong, I dare you

Dancing with the fireflies?!!!!!! When will it be my turn

The way she turned her head away, this is so funny oh my god

A prince with daddy issues?! Guess I found my husband for this movie. He has a great song, definitely one of the best but it’s probably the least promoted. I’ve never even heard it before even though it’s so good

Why wouldn’t you just lie about where you’re from lol, am I missing something with that part?

Joseph jumping into action after Mary says she wasn’t the only one chosen for this. We love a Milo Manheim character

“we’re meeting the lord, surrounded by sheep shit” lmaooo

Mary and Joseph are just the smart girl, dumb boyfriend trope and I love them for it

Joseph carrying her through the streets. He should’ve been a girl dad

Bro just got knocked out by a donkey lmao

Silent Night scene with a donkey pacing outside the barn where Mary is giving birth is honestly great

A shining light over the world with an angel choir concert glowing and sparkling in the sky, hot damn, who would’ve imagined

“I’m holding all the answers in my arms” is such a good lyric

“Mine is the kingdom, mine is the power, mine is the glory forevermore” changing into “thine” was a pretty clever idea

Joseph kissing Mary’s head!!! STOP WHY AM I SHIPPING BIBLICAL FIGURES

“One who has come to save the lost.” “Am I lost?”

“You are not your father” CALL OUT THOSE DADDY ISSUES, MARY

Damn, ok, Antipater

*finally kisses Joseph* “You’re welcome” WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN

Stay for the end credits just to hear Brand New Life, it’s a great song too. The credits also feature Go Tell It On The Mountain

Would I be weird if I wrote fics for this movie lmao

[orcelito]

You talking about 98 reminded me.

I was rereading the manga the other day and Wolfwood has a flashback to Knives giving him orders to find Vash and to “accompany my little brother once again,” despite the fact that since Wolfwood was introduced in the last couple chapters of Trigun, he didn’t have time to accompany Vash, they just hung out on the bus after they accidentally encountered him by luck, and importantly Wolfwood didn’t even have his orders from Legato about Vash yet, he just knew he had to meet someone in the city as an member of eom. So there wasn’t really any accompanying done there, unless Knives is counting that bus ride which I doubt.

I can’t recall how much Nightow worked on writing/helping with 98, but considering how much earlier Wolfwood gets introduced in it, do you think he accidentally mixed in some of what happened in that version with the manga? Bc honestly that’s pretty funny. Or possibly there was supposed to be some adventures with Wolfwood as part of the crew that got cut from the og manga because of fifth moon and the whole knives encounter getting pushed up due to the publishing stuff and all that, and Nightow forgot he never actually got to put that part in the manga

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

I'd double check the panel ur talking about, tho I don't rly have time to comb for it rn hdkdhfj But

I mean, Nightow has shown a great amount of consistency within his own writing. The number of callbacks to earlier things within the manga consistently took me by surprise (like all the references to earlier vash & wolfwood interactions, the symbolism of things, the way Meryl acts around vash & grows, etc). My dude was probably rereading his own work Constantly to be able to do that. Plus that moment towards the end where Vash remembers Every Single Person he'd met on his travels, including very minor ones - looking thru, I couldn't see a single one Nightow missed, which meant he must have combed thru his own work to find Every Single Character of his work (unless he kept character references, which is also a possibility & also smth worthy of respect)

All that being said, I doubt Nightow would be the type to make an error like that. It's always possible it's a translation error (I'd be curious of what version you saw that in, since Dark Horse translation is known to have a lot of benign mistakes like that). So if anything, I'd blame them

If it Was Nightow tho 🤔 idk the time's skimmed by in the chapter but I feel like at Least a day passed on that bus. They stop in another town along the way, & the towns in Gunsmoke are Not close together. Take for example the fact that the sand steamer ride between April City and May City was a two week journey. By sand steamer. Then the distance between Augusta and Jeneora was... 2000 kilometers? I think. I'd have to double check it, but it's something kind of insane. Point is, things aren't close together in this world. We just don't see the transportation bc it'd be kinda boring to watch lol

All in all, I'd blame it on translation error or the weird fast paced depiction of the end of the manga b4 I'd blame Nightow of mixing up details

[revenantghost]

Because I need some Good VegasPete content in the world rn: A post I saw yesterday got me thinking about how brave Pete is. I mean, in general, of course, but that specific moment when he hits Vegas and runs away. He suffered years of abuse where he had to try and protect himself as best as he could but bear it, but could never run.

We see it in how he teaches Porsche to block attacks and then tries to use that same move with Vegas. When you’ve lived with abuse it’s so, so easy to “deal” with that abuse by letting it out with anger, mimicking your abuser to feel in power and control of the situation (Vegas is a prime example), or shutting down with any triggering confrontation, sometimes even dissociating until it’s over (poor Pete). Obviously rl trauma can be more complex with a whole bunch of fun disorders, but that’s a basic foundation for these two.

And you can see how this combination can go downhill so fast. This is how the cycle of abuse feeds and grows. This is why getting help is so important.

But Pete doesn’t seem to have had help. He’s had some stability in his job, the structure probably does wonders for him. But we see that he’s still in pain from his childhood. He tries to live in the moment, but in the moment he still feels useless and worthless.

And yet!!! We see with the hedgehog (RIP beloved hedgehog, I miss you) scene, after Vegas has softened and they connected in a way that no one else has connected with them before, Pete reaches out on a limb. He could run away, but he sees Vegas, and Vegas sees him. And there seems to be respect in that connection. And he chooses to trust Vegas.

Then Vegas betrays that trust. He has a lot of bad habits, he’s dealt with none of his trauma (so far as we see) and he’s still being tormented and abused by his father. An outburst like this was inevitable.

And it almost feels inevitable that Pete would just back down, retreat and take it because it’s easier that way. He’s been trained to react like that. When you can’t escape the abuse, you deal with it however you can. But even though Pete still feels like nothing, still feels valueless and even suicidal, he still has his friendship with Porsche and the fellow body guards, and his devotion to the main family. If he’s going to be treated like dirt, he has other places to go.

For him to realize that, stand up and say no?! That’s Atlas heaving up the world, it’s a herculean task for someone like him. He doesn’t have the tools to help him grab that information in such a triggering situation, but he know he’s worth more than this, at least. And he runs. He goes home. He deserves safety, and he can even admit that much to himself despite his entire mind working against him.

And tbh I could go off about how moving Vegas’s reaction to this whole situation is too (sure as hell isn’t how his father would react), but I’ll stop myself from spamming too much :’D Just know that Pete is a bamf, and we stan.

Now I gotta go write a poem about this don’t I DAMMIT

[psychelis-new]

Lys, can I ask what made you decide to develop your spiritual gifts? (even despite being among people that shun it😢)

I’ve found out not recently that I have gifts that let me know more about my future. Two tarot readers (through personal readings) had said that I should develop them. But I’m not sure whether I want to..

It’s nice to be aware of the consequences of my decisions, but they made me feel over-conscious and over-anxious..

I’m sure my Guides and Angels meant well. Perhaps they want to ease my path. But I can’t see the light in these gifts yet :(

Hey, sure!

Let me tell you something first. You know, I think it all comes down to realizing what you really want out of your life and who you want to be and what you want to do with those gifts (and if you think they can be part of your life and how/when).

It's not an ease and immediate decision: many people also decide to close off from their gifts for any reason, maybe they also don't feel ready or okay with them (maybe don't don't fully understand them nor want to) and rather have a different type of life which ofc is valid as long as they decide with a light heart about it. Another reason could be because of the fear of being judged (which btw is not on them but depends on issues and fears that belongs solely to the person judging them and how "scared" they are of the subject, since we're speaking about spirituality rn. it depends on the environment they grew up in and again their own triggers, not on the gifted/judged person). But ofc it's not easy to deal with this anyway, it requires time whatever the decision is.

Your premonitory gifts do carry a lot with them, maybe not just as for what concern your life (Idk). And you have to take time to realize the conditions under which you want (if you even want, ofc) to develop them and understand them. It's a lot, and nobody should blame you if you don't feel ready (which doesn't mean you won't in the future: you can wait for a better moment if you feel safer to not navigate that world right now). You can take your time to heal yourself first, and see where this anxiety/fear related with your gifts come from (fear of not being able to "possess" them, not being enough, being judged and left out....) and try to take care of you now, no matter if you one day will embark on a deeper journey with them or not. You said it too, you can't see the light in those gifts now and that's totally fine. Don't pressure yourself. I think at times we do get messages and realize something also about our future but it's never to scare us or pressure us into doing that specific thing. I think now it was just time to let you know about this chance, so that you can work on also what's related with your gifts to make your life better (whether you'll use them or not). You're still in charge of your life, you're not obliged to do anything (as when you read pacs and you don't resonate/agree with some messages). There's just this chance, and it doesn't mean that if you don't accept it now it will disappear: we're also talking about your gifts, so they will stay with you anyway. Take a breath and just let things happen as they are supposed to. Always follow yourself and what you feel is right for you at any given time.

For me I think it was different (everyone has their story, we can't compare). I always had clairs since when I was a kid, but never really knew what it was about. I never really paid too much attention to spirituality (cause here it's not supported), just did my mandatory religious stuff as my parents wanted me to, and it all stopped there. Never really practiced much until a time I started to get a little closer again to what's above (especially after a huge loss). I have always been interested in astrology though cause I found it fascinating. Never digged too much into it but the basic synastry aspects were an occasional hobby of mine. I am generally a very curious person tbh and I think my 8th house stellium + some scorpio placements always pushed me towards "the darker side" as well. And probably also my Guides did, even if I wasn't aware of them. But I got more into spirituality by chance and suddenly. I started learning more also here on tumblr, joining free games/readings (also for fun), trying to understand... it felt like fated. And very natural too. I started to practice more and try out more divinations methods (as I felt too) and grow more in contact with my Guiudes. I didn't really made a decision, it just happened. And despite I had to take some breaks cause of my healing journey (and huge tower moment connected with this long eclipse period of the last 2 years) I always had the need to come back and try to get better and help more people. So yeah, I just felt it was right for me, it was what I always wanted to do. When I was a child my dream was to save lives. I couldn't become a doctor nor a vet, it wasn't my real call (I was/am also too sensitive for that probably). I turned onto something else, leaning onto nature and art. I learned one can save lives in many different ways, and I think that also trying to lend a hand to people and helping them back up from the ground by offering support and guidance (to a certain limit ofc as at a certain point you need to ask a professional/medical figure), but also relief, chill/fun and understanding, can be one of them. I have also got readings (well, happened to read readings) in which I was told that what I had experienced in my life was also to help me understand others' lives and try to help them out. So I'm just trying to follow what has always been my call, no matter the triggers about it (those are just up to me and my own personal life which I am responsible to heal).

Hope this somewhat helps you. Again, do not feel pressured in doing anything you don't feel okay doing. Not just in your everyday life, but also in your spiritual one. Take your time to understand it all (and yourself) and take care<3

[wings-of-flying]

cba with ao3 tags rn, so tumblr gets the fic today (i'll post it properly tomorrow and maybe check through it idk)

jay writes a letter to kira to try to deal with her emotions

Dear Kira,

You know, I didn’t think I’d ever have to write to you again. I say write to you like this’ll ever end up in your hands: it won’t. Just like all the letters before. The ones I scribbled back when we were teens; the ones I folded into impossibly small pieces and shoved in a box under my bed. (Note to self: make sure to burn those when I go home. If I go home. Shit.) Point is, you won’t ever read this. I’ll probably never look at it again. It might even end up dissolving in the ocean, who knows. But I’m writing this anyway, because writing helps.

You’ll never understand the feelings that erupted in me when I heard your voice again. The anger, the pain, the fucking joy all merged into this bubbling mess of untamed emotion. I thought I might explode. And you just looked so radiant. Almost angelic. Golden, perfect, beautiful. As you always are. 

Then you started talking about Navy bullshit and you fucking fought me and I just had this thought in my head the whole time, like “Fuck, I’ve still got feelings for her”. It threw me off honestly.

Cause what am I supposed to do, Kira? Leave them? Go home? Stand at your side, at my family’s side, while we rip the world apart? 

I was tempted. There, I said it. I was tempted to join you. To have all that again. To have my family back, my home back. You back. I miss it all. Minus the, you know, ripping the world apart thing. And the “No you can’t make your own choices, you’re a Ferin” thing. Aside from that though, I miss it. You’ll never understand what it’s like to look your father dead in the eyes and just know that any chance of returning to the past has gone. They’ll never understand. Which is reason number two no one will ever read this letter. It’s practically destined for the sea now.

But yeah. Turns out I still have feelings for you. Which sucks, honestly, cause crushes are only supposed to last, what, a few months at best? I think I was twelve when I realised.

We were at school, hidden under one of those bushes at the back of the playing field. Hiding both from the summer heat and the other kids. The mean ones like- shit what was her name? Was it Nora, or was she the weird one? Whoever it was had called you something horrid and I’d tried to do my usual bit of standing up for you, but she pushed me and my knee started bleeding. I was completely prepared to keep fighting (I think you said my hair caught flame. I laughed at the time, but now I’m wondering if that’s another weird thing my family just do) but you dragged me away. 

So we crouched in one of those bushes. The one with the flowers you liked. The pink ones. And I don’t know what it was. It could’ve been the light coming through the gaps in the leaves, the way it made your horn glint and sparkle. Or your gentle touch as you cleaned my wound (it was only a graze, but you treated it so seriously. Your tongue stuck out a little while you wiped away the blood.) Or the smallest grin you had even when telling me off for getting myself hurt again, because I think secretly you enjoyed me looking after you like that. 

It almost doesn’t matter what started it, because I started noticing all these things and my heart just warmed instantly. I was practically glowing inside. I hadn’t really had those feelings before but it reminded me of a song Mum used to sing about the sun as a symbol of love or something.

That’s when I first realised.

I pushed it down for years and years, pretending everything was fine and normal and I wasn’t crushing hard on my best friend. It died down after Ava… after that. And then I left, so it all sort of stopped. I forgot about it, as much as it pains me to say. I forgot about you. Or at least I thought I did.

But now you’re back and it’s all right back to where we started. It’s a beautiful place, but fuck it hurts. I don’t know whether I can do this again. The butterflies have grown into whole-ass birds, the size of eagles. And now everything’s so much worse because we’re on opposite sides. Gods, I wish I could explain it all to you. Get you to see how wrong the Navy is, how pirates aren’t what we were taught. Wouldn’t that be easier? Then we could have a chance. I could try to be brave and talk to you. 

You want to meet with me. Talk about things. Probably ask more questions. But you have to understand why I can’t do that. Not just logistically, with the chance of you tracking us or organising some sort of trap (gods I hate that this is something I have to worry about with you now). But also emotionally. I can’t. 

I can’t see you and talk to you and be so so close to what life used to be like. Because I’m scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to resist. And I need to resist. 

You wouldn’t understand, even if I did try to explain. So why bother? You won’t change, even if I wish you would. Just like you didn’t kiss me or ask me out those times I wished you would. You won’t change. So maybe it’s for the best that I try to forget you. I just wish it weren’t so fucking difficult. You’re pretty unforgettable, really.

I miss you. So fucking much. I love you, I think. You’re awful and you tried to kill my friends, but I love you. You mean everything to me. But I’ve got to move on. Else you’ll kill me alive. And we’re about to fight in a fucking war, so I kinda need to be alive for that. You get it.

I’m sorry. For everything I’ve done and everything I will do. If we cross paths on the battlefield, I hope you’re stronger than I am and you shoot. I wouldn’t blame you.

Goodbye.

Jay Ferin.

[randomsmilingpotatoes]

2 x 04 commentary

- dammit Henry I thought you were a good friend!!!!

- ugh not people judging felice:/ she doesn’t deserve this:(

- okay there are a lot of characters shooting things this season. this isn’t looking good

- when will sara and august STOP getting shit they want

- hahah I love this friend group of girls

- okay this valentines thing sounds like it’ll get real messy real fast ahaha

- not a repeat of the table scene but about felice😭

- they all just watched Simon walk out and didn’t even comment on it? it’s like they all forgot or disregard that relationship

- awe simon:( stop using Marcus thooo

- yeah felice has a lot going on

- okay wille and Simon being in the same PE class is Not. A good idea😂

- wille’s right that is hypocritical. honestly this is not scenes I expected to be watching but it’s great aha

- “at least he’s open about liking me” :(

- WILHELM. “You’re the one who can’t accept my role” that’s DIFFERENT. DIFFERENT SITUATION.

- “no, maybe I can’t” yeah:/ I love how much this show is delving into not only the class divide but the two different worlds and the reality they’re facing Bc of it

- oh my fucking god. thank god felice is calling him out here , he is actually being so fucking selfish it’s hard to watch

- YAY. DEVELOPMENT!!!! thank you wille that was really nice🥹 now we can go back to scheduled programming with their friendship, hopefully.

- “I have to let him go.” honestly, for now, yeah:(

- also felice looks so beautiful someone please fall in love with her for real:(

- omg nils!! legend. this is someone wille needed to talk to

- okay that was interesting. from that perspective you can see why they find it easier to stick to their circle . but you wonder where it stops

- hmmm the way she’s looking at her reading those letters makes me think it wasn’t just making out with your friend at a party 👀

- how dare august stand butt naked at the open window like that. he deserves someone to capture him in revenge

- august and Sara going to the ball together?? goodbye felice and Sara friendship

- okay Stella and frederika was not a ship I expected but I did need it😭

- omg FINALLY sara choosing her friends over august. I kinda wish she did go with him tho bc I want felice to know about them

- awe come ON how did Marcus pull through like that😭 man’s too perfect for him surely something’s gonna happen between them like come on💀

- WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES😭😭

- THEY DONT HAVE NAMES. bc he doesn’t want to repeat last time with wille or bc Marcus isn’t important for that??

- YESSS it was stellaaaa

- “I’d rather be secretly in love than be her ex that she hates” valid. I think wille would’ve rathered that too😭

- Simon purposely making wille jealous huh?

- “I have to be okay” gooddd im proud!! now have fun with your friendsss

- watching this with the costumes but modern party is so jarring hahah

- Simon stop using this damn man

- omg august told Alexander. tbh I was waiting for the consequences of that to fall through

- wille that was so random but I’m glad he was so nice

- THANK YOU WILLE. that was what we needed you to say!! except Simon clearly does still have feelings AHH

- honestly did not expect august to care that Sara stood him up but that’s an interesting turn. Comparing to wille and Simon tho?? I’m a bit confused how their situation is similar unless she means that they couldn’t stay together after felice knows but it’s not the same thing bc it’s bc she and august have done shit things

- Simon going to find willeee. I feel bad for Marcus tho ngl💀

- SIMON don’t miss your big performance!! no!!! not for wille not for anyone!!

- “I’m just trying to move on” so you chase your ex outside after he acknowledged that. right🤨

- OH MY GOD. And I’m so glad Simon was the one to initiate it😭😭

- I want them together but this is the wrong time😭😭

- okay he’s not missing the choir thank god. YOURE NOT SINGLE RN THO SIMON

- WILLE I would be smiling too that was a perfect kiss😭

- smiling while singing to him😭 especially when the song is about him too😭

- the song from the trailer😭

Okay this is making me emotional. I’m glad this didn’t happen until wille started to view the situation maturely though as I’d be lying if I said he deserved it in previous episodes, but I think they’re able to work it out surely their connection is unmatched, especially if he’s gonna kiss wille even when he’s in that wig💀😭

I’m not a fan of cheating storyline’s so I hope Simon does actually break up with Marcus after that.

But omg what a game changer episode!!

[tutuandscoot]

Thought of the evening:

I’m only just now becoming OBSESSED with Sui/Han (the pairs team from china 🇨🇳)

They for me are the VM of the Pairs worlds, and I don’t just mean their GOAT status (if not then by far one of the best ever) athletic prowess.

I mean they have what TS have- that thing that some claim to be madly in love (but not that), or that once in a million years magically unexplainable connection (my take on it), and an intimacy/chemistry on the ice that can’t be created out of thin air- it’s some written in the stars kinda shit.

They make me feel a similar way to TS do. Like time stands still, like they truly are in a bubble, like the air is thinner and only they can hear the music. Everyone watching is holding their breathe, you don’t want it to end, it’s so seamless, there’s never a major struggle.

As well as all that there is a tonne of uncannily similar stuff. They were paired up very young (not quite as young as TS but maybe even more so in pairs being put together then staying together from a young age is so rare because growing, teenage years etc..) I’m not sure if they were each other first partners, if not have obviously never separated since being put together. She had very serious injuries (both ankles) that required surgery and were potentially career ending (before the first surgery where they placed 2nd at worlds in 2016 he said they may not be competing ever again if the surgery doesn’t work). They have a very distinct lack of height difference (and height in general for pairs) which was something that always seemed to be a thing about TS- their lack of height difference and especially growing up if she got too tall it wouldn’t work out. It’s in fact a super power of both teams.

They are both the only two ‘couples’ skaters (pairs and ice dance) to win a Super Career Grand Slam (every major international competition in both juniors and seniors).

To be fair it’s not that I’m only NOW becoming obsessed. I desperately wanted them to win the olys this year- after their mission impossible SP I was like wholly fuck! And then their Bridge Over Troubled Water FP (which I later found out they re used the music but the program is totally different), and while I hate the fact that is was not the S+G version of the song I’m still in love with that program.

I’m essentially going down a rabbit hole like I did with VM the (2nd, 3rd time I got obsessed with them.. can’t remember) but I’m going so slow coz I just keep watching the same programs over and over.

Rn I CAN NOT stop watching their Rain In Your Black Eyes FP from 2019 worlds. I’ve watched it maybe 6 times and I’m borderline crying/ have chills every time.

Their chore in general is amazing!! Laurie Nichol does chore for lots of skaters but this is another instance like with VM where the very very best make actual magic from their chore.

They just have this intimacy and while it’s not as emotional and romantic as TS’s it’s still so moving and draws you in and gives you those feels that last for ages after you’ve watched them- that feeling that you really want to give them a hug afterwards coz you feel like they really laid their hearts on the line for you and you just want to make sure they’re ok.

It’s that thing like with TS that you can feel them communicating- not just talking (apparently SH also talk in their programs) but you can FEEL them communicating.

I’ve never felt this way with any other dance team and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever feel it from a pairs team at all. And honestly it is so surprising it’s a Chinese team illiciting this reaction. While trying not to play into stereotypes, it’s hard for me coz I’m so invested in geo politics but I’ve always found it hard to root for countries like china (also Russia and USA) and along with that in terms of artistic sports it is just typical that those eastern (block) teams are more technical and in general less emotionally compelling. But SH do not feel like any typical eastern block team. It’s almost astonishing their emotional presentation. They can be (in their own way- not the same a TS) sexy, seductive, romantic, intense, vulnerable. All those things and sometimes all at once and it’s amazing it’s giving me chills writing about it.

I even feel like I have a vague recollection of reading that SH are very inspired by TS and the way they move and they get a lot of inspiration from their innovation in lifts and dance chore (coz SH have insanity beautiful choreographic moments) Idk I could be making all that up to justify my obsession but I really do feel like I have (If someone knows what I’m talking about please hmu with facts)

The way they are in their partnership as well- and this is piggy backing off some commentary, he sets her off- he makes her the star, she is a star, but he makes sure people know it (just like Scott does with Tessa) but to be that good- to not distract from your partner but be soooo good in your own right in every part of it makes him just as good as her (same as TS). Their connection, they way they handle each other (out of chore) has similar qualities (again going back to the stereotypes talk is so refreshing to see from a Chinese team) once again not the exact same way but just this comfort and trust in each other that only comes from being together so long (but even then other long time partners don’t have this- it’s soooo rare).

So so far I’ve watched their 2016, 2017, 2018 2019, 2022 (these are the worlds/oly years) programs. Their shorts are always fire I’m obsessed with all of them. Their frees my faves are RIYBE (2019) and BOTW from this year in particular. Oh and turandot from 2018 olys (wasn’t perfect but is brilliant as well).

So fear not this is not gonna stop being a TS blog, I just need to say this coz while I watch a tonne of FS (mostly in the background while I sew) i don’t particularly love it or connect to a lot of it- there’s alot that bothers me about it (it’s relation to dance and now that I’ve learned about the more technical side of it the flutzers and the likes really piss me off..) but SH are special like TS are and so I just need to say it.

This post is for anyone else obsessed with SH- I’ve now boarded the ship (that maybe/has departed.. are they gonna keep competing, what’s the story with china are they banned like Russia- I didn’t think so but typical I fall in love with a team after they retire). And for anyone else who isn’t really a FS person and is just here for VM please go watch this team if you want the closest possible thing to TS but more ‘tricks’ (that’s the other thing about pairs I find it hard to connect to coz the elements are more ‘circus-y’. And generally less connection even compared to the most bland of dance couples).

Ok there. I’m a SH Stan. They make me (almost) cry and honestly that there were several times their career nearly derailed just like TS makes me so emotional.

Here’s a RIDICULOUSLY cute moment that’s something like TS would/does 100% do (not in public tho coz the crazies would legit just think T was pregnant with S baby 🙄).

[marrowbaby]

your therapist’s office is a shitty place to conduct a craft workshop on life writing so you should go to hell instead, pt 1.

Thinking a lot about that bog of an intersection between the craft of autoficition and the introspective capacity that seems required to narrate the blindspots of trauma. wrestling with the chasm that exists between a life and a narrative. the cultural insistence that one be imposed upon the other (and vice versa) does not, as it turns out, make them the same thing. thinking then about how forms of life writing, memoir, autofiction, etc.. are always an imposition of form onto the dizzying formlessness of one’s life. by which I mean to say mine.

I’ve been pushing my rock up Mt. Autofiction for a few months now, and in this case I suppose the rock is the notion of plot as a formal constraint on lived experience. I admit a stubborn aversion to writing autofiction from the place of an I, though that may be because I truly do believe that all life writing is an exercise in POV not dissimilar from the kind of introspective self-objectification that happens in therapy.

That’s to say, you’ve got to find a way to look at yourself (but you only have one set of eyes and you don’t even like 3D movies because the goggles they give you at the theater don’t work with your glasses and everything gets fuzzy in the periphery, which gives you a headache). To write about yourself, your life, requires a kind of double vision.

Over the last few months, I’ve been feverishly reading and re-reading The Divine Comedy, returning often to my favorite cantos from the Inferno. I have vivid memories of being 7 or 8 years old and lying on the couch that served as my bed at my dad’s newly-established bachelor pad while he read the fourth canto aloud to me. The one where Virgil introduces Dante to all the classical poets and great philosopher kings living in a dope penthouse on some prime real estate in the first circle of Hell. I don’t think my dad had gotten around to setting up the TV yet. Recalling that fact of my early bedside eduction in the classics makes me feel like slightly less of a narcissist when I wonder whether it’s inevitable for MFA students to at some point find themselves asking “wait, so am I like... basically Dante rn?”  

As I’ve been toiling away on this manuscript, I’ve found the greatest difficulty to be something like a confusion of actors.

Asking myself questions like: who, exactly, occupies the role of our Orpheus? And.. wait- was it even Orpheus, or was it Dante? (An actor of fated retrieval, the one who descends with a purpose.) And: what does plot know of the partial protagonist, the one who is two apart? (Here’s where I admit that I always preferred Stevenson’s Treasure Island to The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.)

I’ve been keeping notes as I go back through the Comedy. Ruminating on the the world of the Inferno. Thinking about the ways that Hell, too, is a world of double vision—there’s Dante the writer and Dante the Pilgrim, I and I — down below in the realm of shades. How poetry is itself is a thing in-two, a muse of Mercury.

And the shades that live in the underworld — those figures that drift about, sometimes speaking, sometimes wailing, telling the Pilgrim and his guide of their sins and explaining why they’re here, what they did—also get doubled. These figures made of anguish and shadow are that which block the very light the travelers seek. But they’re also the ones with the stories, the flickering television screens through which the full vision of Hell is relayed to Dante, fizzling up through the poem to be transmitted to the world above. They exist in-double: both static and transmission in one; shade and light; fact, and its forgetting.

But this is my blog and I get to be Dante now, looking at my life, looking at myself as I look at myself. A girl folded over a body, eyes crossing into twin vision.

***

I’ve more to say on this and a lot more ruminations on Dante, but I’ll stop here for now because Infinity Pool comes out on Friday and I can’t think about anything else.