#they both understand loving but resenting julien

[basicallyjaywalker]

*cracks knuckles* well if I'm gonna work on my OCs and now that someone's reminded me how actually tragic Echo is

Let's talk about Jasmine and her relationship with Echo

I feel like they would get really close if they ever met. I think Julien would tell Echo about her in a way he wouldn't tell Zane because he was scared Zane would tell others someday. Echo won't ever leave the lighthouse, so he can't tell anyone. He would know about Julien's other child, but he would figure it's Zane, the one he replaced. When they meet, once they figured out they were related, I think Echo would realize and want to tell Jasmine what he knows. Julien wanted to know her but couldn't. He left her because it's what was best for her. I think Echo would want to imagine Julien left him for those kinds of reasons too.

I think they would bond over being abandoned by Julien. Jasmine before she was born, Echo long after. I think they'd each envy each other, in a way. They both resent him (even if they won't admit it), but Jasmine resents him never being there. Echo resents him being there so much, only to leave him. Echo would fill in the gaps for Jasmine on who he was, while Echo is more eager to hear about the life Jasmine lived in the wide world, especially on her own.

I think they'd have a super close bond, I think they should visit Jasmine's home and have a snowball fight, I think she should take him to Borg Industries and watch Echo go starry eyed at all the cool technology, I think Jasmine would help replace his rusted gears and wires with ones that won't deteriorate as easily, i think she'd teach him how to garden and befriend animals and i think echo would be so thrilled to get away from the sea

I think if Echo and Jasmine ever got to meet, they'd find a comfort in each other and a confidant about some of their issues that no one else could provide

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

Emily in Paris - Season 3: Quotes

- “You’ll be hearing from our lawyers. (Emily) - So you’re suing me for not calling you?” (Alfie) (Episode 2)

- “I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it.” (Emily - Episode 2)

- “Yeah, well, the American dream turned into the French nightmare.” (Episode 2)

- “You know, I’ll give it to Paris. Even when you’re having a bad day, the city is looking great.” (Episode 2)

- “It’s funny how you become the things you hate.” (Episode 3)

- “Well, I guess all those endless selfies are finally paying off.” (Sylvie - Episode 5) 

- “Plus he sent over some champagne. (Emily) - “Finally, someone who understands my needs.” (Mindy - Episode 5)

- “I thought you were gonna be a professional polo player. You know we used to call you Nacho?” (Mindy - Episode 5 - GG reference too)

- “Sexy. Why am I never around when anything good happens?” (Episode 5)

- “What Am I supposed to do? An affair? (Emily) - You saw two girls kissing at a party. You need to get out more. Okay, Emily Jane Cooper, occupe-toi de tes oignons.” (Mindy - Episode 5)

- “Just because I was raised rich doesn’t mean I don’t love a free sample.” (Mindy - Episode 5)

- “Yeah, well, you’re American, she’s Australian, you colluded.” (Sylvie - Episode 5) 

- “Are you serious? I... I am so tired of apologizing for who I am. I can’t change my past. If you’ll always resent me for it, maybe we don’t have a future.” (Mindy - Episode 5)

- “It’s not “either or”, Camille. Are we really here to just love one person?” (The artist - Episode 6) 

- “I don’t understand. You’re married to him and having an affaire with me or you’re in a relationship with me having an affair with your husband.” (Erik - Episode 6)

- “I mean, is this really necessary? (Alfie) - Luxury is a necessity that begins when necessity ends. (Antoine) - Mmm. Coco Chanel.” (Emily - Episode 6)

- “Why don’t guys tell you what they’re thinking? - And save us the mystery?” (Episode 7)

- “What do you think of the quality? (Pierre) - Honestly? - Brutally.” (Pierre - Episode 7)

- “They’ve turned me into a clown trapped in a funhouse mirror.” (Pierre - Episode 7)

- “Wow, this is so surreal. I feel like we’re walking into heaven on acid.” (Emily - Episode 7)

- “Come on, seriously? In this? (Mindy) - You look incredible tonight. Every man there was checking you out. (Nicolas) - Yeah, except for you. (Mindy) - Believe me, I noticed. It took every ounce of willpower not to make a spectacle of myself.” (Nicolas - Episode 7)  

- “The only time I’ve heard Sylvie say “Merveilleux” was about a Chablis.” (Luc or Julien - Episode 7)

- “The men may be gone, but the brands persist.” (Episode 7) - “More times than I care to remember.” (Episode 7)

- “You can feel as guilty as you want, but not everything happens because you make it happen. - Well, except for this. This was definitively you.” (Episode 8) 

- “Well, he did sustain some injuries, Gregory, so we need to treat this with the sensitivity it deserves.” (Episode 8)

- “I love you both. - And I’m going to end up with nothing.” (Episode 8)

- “Who do you want to go to bed with” (Julien - Episode 8)

- “In love? I can’t believe he said that. (Mindy) - He was drunk.” (Emily) - Sure, but alcohol doesn’t make people lie. Kind of the opposite.” (Mindy - Episode 8)

- “True elegance is found in simplicity.” (Episode 8)

- “It died the moment I sold my soul to JVMA.” (Pierre - Episode 8)

- “Pierre is a respected talent any you only bought his company to toss him out like the trash. - If you can do that to him, you can do that to me. You can do that to anyone.” (Episode 8)

- “Do you have any idea what you just lost? (Louis de Leon) - Something I never wanted. A relationship with you.” (Sylvie - Episode 8)

- “I just made an enemy of the most powerful family in fashion.” (Sylvie - Episode 8)

- “Let’s not become one of those couples that spend more time analyzing their relationship than being in one.” (Alfie - Episode 9)

- “Do you know why this works so well? We get to be together and still do everything we want. We should be enjoying ourselves every second we can. Life is short.” (Episode 9)

- “Hell of a “welcome home”, mate.” (Alfie - Episode 9)

- “Yeah, well, every couple hits that point. It’s either time to break it off or commit to each other. You’re either in or you’re out.” (Alfie - Episode 9)

- “Only the two people involved know what they are to each other. You knew everything about every single piece. - No, you just didn’t know anything.” (Episode 9)

- “Can I get the recipe for that? (Emily) - Recipe? There are no recipes. It’s not a list of things. It’s a feeling. You just know when something is right and when something is wrong.” (Gabriel’s grandmother - Episode 10)

- “His ex-girlfriend, Marianne.” (Julien) - Oh, which Marianne? (Sylvie) - I can neither confirm nor deny. (Luc) - Marianne number one. (Julien) - How did you know that?” (Luc - Episode 10)

- “It was not what she said, it’s what she did.” (Luc - Episode 10)

- “I hope you take as good care of her as I did. She deserves a good man. (Timothée) - I’ll certainly do my best.” (Alfie - Episode 10) 

- “Emily. Our secrets are what will keep us close. (Camille - Episode 10)

[shelli-gator]

Hi, so I've been reading your many marvelous headcannons lately , and I have a headcannons request. (And yes, as usual with me it is Ted related.) So in my general Ted headcannons ask from awhile ago, you gave a summary of Ted's childhood. I loved your ideas on this, but was wondering if you had extra headcannons specifically about Ted in his childhood and adolescence. I'm not really looking for anything specific, so any ideas you have would be wonderful to hear!

WHDKSHD thank you! I'm really glad you like them! <3 I love sharing headcanons, it's just really fun to build stories around the characters, especially the side ones!

I've been thinking about Ted a fair bit, and I've adjusted some of my prior headcanons so let's start with those!

Edit: rewrote a lot of this to include more specific things Ted did as a teen/kid.

- I mentioned before that Ted's mom is a quiet but caring woman. I want to build on it because I think that her caring for Julien and Maurice as infants and running around after the royal family would have actually left very little time for poor little Ted. She loved him with her whole heart, and doted on him whenever she did get to spend time with him.

- A lot of the time he did get to spend with her was when she got to take him with her to work, and while he liked getting to play with Julien and Maurice, and any of the other little ones that got brought along by their mothers, Ted very early on felt lonely. He felt like he was competing with others for his mother's love and attention, and leads into him wanting to be liked by everyone. He never blamed Julien for it though, he figured that without their parents Julien and Maurice are lonely too.

- His mother working for royalty meant that she made extra sure to teach Ted manners and politeness. But her generally kind and tender nature rubbed off on him for sure, and he takes a lot after her.

- She cooked really well, and would often prepare food for the royals. Ted learnt some of his cooking skills from her as a kid/teen, and learnt more in his free time so he could either cook for her or cook with her to spend more time with her.

- Ted's parents were never affectionate with one another. And in comparison, Ted's marriage to Dorothy has more love in it than what his parents had. His mother was even more timid and soft spoken with his father than with others, harboring a lot of resentment towards him. They strongly disagreed with how Ted should be raised, but she stuck to raising him with kindness and understanding.

- he loves acting, dancing, and performing for a number of reasons. Dancing and acting gives him a chance to express himself and take on different roles outside of what has been assigned to him by himself or others. He gets to be whatever he wants to be, and its fun to be someone else for a change. In a way as well, he loves the spotlight of the stage because it means he gets to be seen and heard.

-He craves the love and approval of others. His fear of being alone forever started at an early age, and resulted in the unhappy marriage he's in today. Julien not listening to him at the prom and taking his prom king crown didn't help that either.

- I originally headcanonned Ted's dad passed away at a young age, but it might have been more in his late teens to enforce the military career.

- Ted's performances extend well beyond the stage. To me, it seems like his whole life is a stage play that he's put himself in. He came up with this story that he tried to make a reality, performing the role of the popular lad who married his long time best friend. Now he cant get out of it, or at least he's stopping himself from doing so, so he takes it out on Dorothy. History repeats itself, especially in our relationships. :( (Ironic then as well that Ted and Dorothy use his parents' wedding rings)

- Ted had lots of toys that his mom would bring for him, often things Julien got bored with. She also made him whatever outfits he wanted, including dresses, but his father almost popped a blood vessel when he saw his son dancing around in a dress. Ted dresses up his toys and uses them as co actors in plays and make believe, and he sometimes teaches them all about being nice to people.

- Ted and Julien both went to music classes together, and while they weren't in the same band, they both play guitar/keytar. His dad taught him a lot of that, and the guitar he has in the show was his.

-Little ted often put on plays for his mom, which he would practice for when he was alone. He sometimes roped the other kids into play acting while their parents worked, and him spending a lot of time with them is how he became as endearingly charismatic as he is, even if awkwardly clumsy. It all made for a very likable lad.

- Before Julien took over and could introduce the kingdom's very own parties, he would often go to parties held outside the kingdom by neighboring kingdom's. (It's a bit confusing because in the first episode its implied they don't really know much about parties, but Julien's flashbacks all point to parties that have happened before). Ted would sneak out to go along with him to these parties, with a few of the other lads in tow. Dorothy wouldn't accompany him, as it was against the rules and she wasn't big into parties.

Ted: *covers bags 'ears'* HORST, not in front of the baby!

- I love to imagine in lemur school they all had to partner up to look after a bag of flour or something as parents. Dorothy wanted to be partnered with Ted, but he ends up with Julien because Julien sees some easy marks. It would be hilarious too as Horst or Pancho.

Horst: I-it's a BAG, Ted! It's LEAKING flour!

Ted: he just needs changing is all! <3

- His grades were really good in school to give his mom one less thing to worry about, and because he was genuinely passionate about the subjects he chose. I used to hc he wasn't super good at biology or maths, but he would at least do well at them, and biology is how he took up interest in other animals like birds.

- As much as he clearly wants it, I don't think he's ever had the opportunity to kiss a boy before.

Anyway, sorry I've been rambling on this for long enough haldhskdh.

These headcanons also feed wonderfully into my Sugarbuns headcanons hehe, y e s.

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

The Cure

It is essential that you listen to ‘Rejoice’ by Julien Baker before reading the following below AND listen to Ultralight beam by Kanye West as soon as you’re done reading, like literally after the last word press play. This is the only way you’ll get the most out of this experience. Ready? Okay , here it is. 

The Cure.

Picture this, a willow tree swaying in the wind on top of a beautiful hill. The skies a meticulous shade of blue with puffs of pink as the sun is setting. Underneath the tree on a blanket is a toddler of almost two years old. She is in a sky-blue dress with a pretty headband to match, she sits underneath the tree eyes bright with a smile so inviting, arms extended for me to come to her. I pick her up and spin her around as tears flow down my face. Her little hands wipe away my tears as I kiss her cheek and just as quick, I wake up, I look around and realize that I am back into my world, my reality. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb,I  seclude myself by skipping my classes and staying in bed all day. I still feel the warmth of her body on my hands and her cheek on my lips. Her name is Luna, she is my would-be daughter. “You’re 8-10 weeks along. There’s supposed to be shades of red and blue indicating there is a heartbeat. There is none. You’re having a miscarriage, I’m sorry.”.

Having a miscarriage at the age of 18 really impacted my life, my faith, and the way I perceive death. The idea of someone’s existence coming to an end before they were even fully developed to begin with shook me to my core. Did she have a soul? I didn’t even know the gender and yet my mind reflexively thinks of my would-be child as a girl. At the time I was fully ready to keep my child, whatever troubles the future may bring, I was planning. After my miscarriage I was so heartbroken, but I couldn’t handle the pain that came with accepting my sadness so instead I became bitter and angry. I pushed my boyfriend at the time, the father of my would-be child, away. I accused him of probably praying for an end to the trouble I was causing him. He promised me he didn’t and that he was ready and willing to help, but all I could remember was his face and shock when I told him I was pregnant and the disbelief when I told him I was going to keep the child. Those memories made me lash out time and time again, I yelled that he would never understand the pain I was going through, the emptiness I was feeling. Naturally a few months later, my boyfriend of three years, broke up with me. My world was crumbling. I lost what would’ve been the love of my life and someone I believed to be my soulmate. I was constantly losing.

In a moment of impulse, I went to visit a friend in Delaware for Halloween. I was excited to get off campus and so I wouldn’t potentially run into my ex. I wanted to drink and forget my sorrows and just have pure fun. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the universes plans for me. I took a couple of shots and I remember saying my usual ritual of “Para Arriba! Para Abajo! Para el Centro! Y para adentro!”

I woke up the next morning feeling disoriented and with a sore pain all over my body. I was in my friends’ dorm room in his bed with him nowhere in sight. I sit up to find out I am just in my skirt with my stockings ripped at my feet. I look to my left and his roommate is in a dead sleep. I am confused trying to remember the night. I find my clothes and make my way to the bathroom. “Did I have sex last night?” It sure as hell felt like I did. I inspected my body to find bruises and claw marks by my arms stomach, chest, butt, inner and outer thighs, grip marks on both my arms and ankles. “What the hell.” I got dressed and waited for my “friend” to come back and when he did I asked him about last night and he just simply told me “to not think about it. That I got way too drunk.” I chose to forget it in the moment because I still had a whole day in a state that I didn’t know. And it was mike, one of my closest friends from High School. We went to chipotle and just went to a day drink and the next morning I went home. To this day I can’t stand eating or seeing anyone eat a burrito, it physically disgusts me. Triggers are funny that way. They come in all forms.

It wasn’t until days later that he gave me the story that we were having sex for not even five minutes before his friend came knocking on the door and I seemed out of it so he left me in the room as he went to his quad mate’s room to take some shots and leave for a party. When he came back I was apparently sprawled on his quad mates’ floor with 2 guys in there, they proceeded to bring my unconscious self to bed. He left again to party and came back to find me on the floor with his other friends hovered around me apparently trying to help me. He then put me back to bed and left. He made it seem as if his friends were just helping me out. But those weren’t the memories that came flooding back the days after my rape. Some may not call it rape. They would call it a bad night of misunderstandings. A part of me wanted to believe mike, but even so, who does that? Who leaves there so called best friend time and time again basically naked with strangers. You couldn’t find me pants? A shirt? Nothing? Why have sex with me if I apparently wasn’t coherent and passed out a few minutes into it? Some call it him just being a shitty friend. I call it rape. I didn’t file any charges because I knew it would be a long process and because he once was a close friend of mine and I hoped that he would never do that to anyone else. Let me be the lesson in his life. My ex and I were still in the in-between zone about whether we should get back together or not at this time. I came home distraught and just wanted him, my comfort, to make me feel better. His reaction to me telling him I was raped still haunts me to this day.

“I can’t even look at you right now.”

It’s safe to say we didn’t get back together.

Naturally I fell into a depression. It was my worst semester to date. I missed almost two months of classes and I ended up having to withdraw from one and I failed another. I didn’t know how to cope. The next semester I had a fiery vengeance to not be sad and to just make it through my college years. It wasn’t until a few months after I was sexually assaulted that I found out my mother’s cancer was back, I didn’t even know she had it in the past to being with, how could she not have told me about it at the time? Why didn’t she even tell me after? Why did I have to find out accidentally from a letter in her desk from her doctors telling her she needed to start going to treatment or else? Or else what?

I’m not ready for her to die. Why did she have to be strong and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t? Why the hell did I leave for another state for college? If I would’ve known I would have stayed closer to her. If I would’ve known I wouldn’t have ended up here. I wouldn’t have had a miscarriage. I wouldn’t have lost my soulmate. I wouldn’t have been raped. Why was death a thing? Why didn’t she tell me?

Over time she went to treatment and helped me feel better, how selfish of me, saying she was helping ME feel better, and to believe that she wasn’t going to disappear. By the time my mother finally convinced me that she would outlive both my sister and I and to have faith in the process the universe decided it was time I knew what true tangible loss felt like.

My Grandmother passed away. This was the first time I lost a family member I was close with and knew oh so well. I just saw her a few months prior and she seemed so healthy and joyful. How could she be gone?

My existential anguish went to an all time high. Thoughts like, We can easily pass away and cease to exist. Even if you believe in reincarnation like you’re totally gone like the self that you are right now won’t ever exist again and even if you believe in heaven or hell, how do you know for sure that that will be something after death. You would have to have that continual faith that it would come to that result. Death. Ceasing to Exist. How could I move on? How could I have faith in a universe that continuously demanded something be taken away ?

Every time I thought I was healing from a past pain, the universe would throw me another curveball and down I would fall again.

Forgiveness in Webster’s Dictionary is stated as- 1.to cease feeling resentment against someone and 2. to give up resentment or ask for repayment. My faith was shattered when I lost Luna. How could I forgive myself for not knowing that I was pregnant and that I was slowly killing my would-be child? Why? Did I have to do that keg stand, take those shot races, smoke all the time. Why? Why did I find out so late? Why do we have to die? I didn’t understand why God would allow me to get so connected just to be like in your dreams I have different plans for you? How would I be able to forgive my boyfriend at the time for not having the reaction I wanted. How could I forgive him for leaving me at a time I needed him the most? Why was he able to find someone new and grow happy? How would I ever let that resentment go? How could I forgive my friend for taking advantage of me? How could I forgive my mom for lying to me? What if I never found that letter and if she passed away? Would that be how I would find out she was sick? When it would be too late? How do I forgive God? For taking away my would-be child and grandmother away? For giving us this existence to realize that it would ultimately come to an end and we are to just accept it? How dare I say that I should forgive God. Who says that.? what is happening to me?

I was drowning in questions that I thought I’d never get answers to. Drowning in self-blame and bitter resentment.  I came to this same retreat a year ago with hopes of getting reconciliation and to some form of freedom from my sadness and resentment. During our discernment walk I remember carrying my rock and thinking of all the things that hurt me. It always came back to death and the idea that one day I along with this pain I would cease to exist. I laid down on the hill by the lake and kept thinking “Where will I go? Will I sink into this earth and become one with it? Will I live on elsewhere? Will I just disappear? Where will I go?” Annoyingly the only thought that came to mind was “Have Faith”. As if that were to be the answer to all my questions. “Have. Faith.” To my shock we had to throw the rock I bonded oh so well with into the lake. We had to let it go. And everything I ever let go had claw marks on it. I’m horrible at it. Some people even call me a hoarder, it’s so bad. And yet, chucking that rock into the lake felt so, satisfying. A feeling of liberation almost. Nelson Mandela stated it beautifully. “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.” Wallowing in my sadness I was slowly killing myself by staying in this sad depressive bitter state. Moving on is easier said than done. Forgiving others is easier said than done. Forgiving myself is easier said than done. Accepting death is easier said than done. But it is a choice. A continuous choice to not allow those memories to suffocate you. Progress comes in waves. Some days were easier than others. I started out simply by not focusing on what this world took away from me but focusing on what I had in front of me. Forgiveness. I didn’t know I was pregnant. One day I will be, one day I will be a mother and that day will be a glorious joyful experience. This just wasn’t the time for me. Forgiveness. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. We were both so young and it was too much suffering for him. He will learn to grow and be more conscious about his words and actions but sadly that will never be with me. He chose to be happy away from me and with someone new. Now I choose to be happy with myself. Instead of wallowing at his loss. I embraced the friends that helped me out of the dark hole I fell in. I appreciated and loved the light they shared with me and insisted that was still inside of me. I get by with a little help from my friends. Without them I wouldn’t be.

Forgiveness. Violating my trust and my body. How do I forgive that? If I’m being honest I haven’t fully yet. There are days when one of my friends gets a burrito from chipotle and I am reminded of that night, everything rushing back like harsh waves in a storm. Faith. I have friends in high school who still speak with Mike, they say he’s in a happy healthy relationship and thriving in a frat at his school. I want to believe my high school friend is still in there. I want to believe he learned from me. To never betray someone like that again. Forgiveness. My mother was trying to protect me. The first time she was diagnosed I was 12. She told my older sister, who took the burden of adjusting her life to the worst-case scenario that came with Breast Cancer. She knew I was stubborn and wanted to leave the state to explore and find myself. She knew she had it under control and didn’t want to worry me. My mother was trying to protect me. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust me or all the other negative thoughts I conjured in my mind. Acceptance. Everyone has to die eventually. It is the circle of life. That’s what makes it beautiful. You are born and you grow and you have the opportunity to have these questions to have these experiences to mold and find yourself. We are all here on borrowed time. No one will ever fully have the answers. “Have. Faith.” My grandmother still lives on in her daughters and sons, her grandchildren and great grandchildren. We are all a part of her and we would never be if she never was. My faith is something I’m still working on, instead of God I say the universe. I interchange between the two. To me they are one in the same. Forgiveness. It is a continuous choice. Forgiveness. It is hard work.

Healing. It comes in waves. Progress. Not Perfection. There is no right way to heal. It’s a continuous decision to not drink the poison of resentment. It is the continuous decision to surround yourself around friends and family who love you and not to seclude yourself. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Picture this, a willow tree swaying in the wind on top of a beautiful hill. The skies a meticulous shade of blue with puffs of pink as the sun is setting. Underneath the tree on a blanket is a toddler of almost two years old. She is in a sky-blue dress with a pretty headband to match, she sits underneath the tree eyes bright with a smile so inviting, arms extended for me to come to her. I pick her up and spin her around as tears flow down my face. And just like that I blink and I am awake, in my room, in my reality, without her. I wipe the tears off my face as I get up to get ready for the day. I give my thanks to the universe for letting me see another day as I feel the water running through my hair. As I’m changing my phone rings. My friend asks if I want to get breakfast. I say yes.

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.”

The cure?

It is forgiveness.