#sorry its so long

[dishsaop]

listen. im not saying the Avatar Yangchen duology is the most serious, heartbreaking, well-written, or adult story ive ever read. it isnt. but it also took me by fucking surprise. the torture scene? yangchen's successive breakdowns? jetsun's death and fate? all the deaths?? that one dead kid? (and all the other dead tortured child army kids??) the slow endless horror of the avatar cycle? being literally haunted and fucking lost in the countless incarnations of yourself and the knowledge that you have to dirty yourself for eternity with guilt, failure, death, and sin to save a bare few in the face of a world that will never stop trying to kill itself? having to make peace with that?

yangchen is so compelling to me. everyone loved her brief moment in the Avatar show, because of her stark "You have to abandon your own spiritual needs for the betterment of the world". but the novels drive that home in an interesting way.

yangchen is faced with greed on an unparalleled scale, and it is tearing the world apart. she is so desperate to do some good - shes so haunted by her countless past lives and desperate to at least not have regrets the same way they all do. she builds a spy network from nothing before she's even a teenager because she cant trust anyone, and at every step she is betrayed over and over by literally everyone she cares about, every choice she makes hurts or kills people, she spends almost the entirety of the second novel hopped up on enough drugs to would kill an ordinary person just so she can stay awake bc shes so terrified of hesitating for a single second. i cant figure out if haunted or chronically ill is a better term for whatever is happening in her brain but its. its fucked.

in a lot of ways she is objectively terrible at both avatarhood and being a spy, but she is exactly what the world needs. she so desperately loves her people, her culture, mercy, pacifism, and systematically cuts every tie to these things, no matter how much it hurts. she gets her hands so fucking dirty, she abandons her principles in every circumstance but one (the last Unanimity), she lets murderers and torturers go free and takes immediate economic control of half a world to abuse it.

and its the right decision. i know she gets flak because of how hard kuruk had to invisibly work the next cycle to fight the spirits yangchen pissed off, but yangchen's whole character is about balance, even more than aang's ever was, imo. aang gets a nearly perfect happy ending (which is good! there were good morals and a great story about culture and peace and genocide in the show, im not criticizing it) but yangchen's story really is wholly about balancing the world and the sacrifices you make to keep it even. for all that shes not a great avatar, shes actually a perfect avatar. she fixed it.

alao, kavik is fascinating. im putting him in a terrarium and shaking it. and the stark criticism of the white lotus the entire time... the implication they caused the platinum affair... ayunerak and do flatly admitting they will let (and even help along) the nations crash and burn in an apocalyptic war without fighting to stop it if it means they have control and can pop out of a bunker at the end to reshape society.... augh.

[cluedoenthusiast]

Bits I liked from The Alligator Hour with Joshua Homme and Alex Turner

[occudo]

helooo

im binge reading your gertrude au and i got kinda curious

what happened to mike? does he still become an avatar of the vast or does he just run for his life every end of shift? is the fractal monster dead👀?

Hi

I imagine him as an avatar of the vast, I can't take that away from the boy. But I think it's funny that he also got a day job.

The fractal monster is most definitely dead.

[hypovile]

how did ur party discover jackie daytona vasili von holtz? im a dm that wants it to be a cool reveal, but not impossible to deduce

CAUTION TO THOSE WHO NEED IT— this will contain spoilers, both explicit and vague.

In this, I’m explaining our Vasili’s whole thing and how it made us suspicious of him. It’s just a big ol’ dive into him and my thoughts as a player. I also just fucking love talking about our campaign so I ramble like hell. If you just wanna skim through the whole thing— which is totally fine— i did add a little tl;dr at the end thats a little more question-specific so you can just go there :~]

When the party was off for about a week with Ismark and Co., Vasili, as he claimed, walked through the fog and entered the town of Barovia. He was a charming man who decided to take it upon himself to help the town, which was falling into ruin from the werewolves that ran amok every night.

He also took it upon himself to, by some miracle, revive Kolyan. This, I think, was the second red flag. The first was the normal suspicion that comes with a random stranger who claims to have walked through the fog and was suddenly Kolyan’s right hand man after only a week.

I think everyone was also very quickly suspicious of Vasili because the party +Ismark had expected his house to be completely empty. It was definitely a shock to hear laughter coming from inside.

When the party did go inside they had quickly decided to do an arcana check on him and very conveniently rolled well. So, we understood that inside Vasili was a suppressed dark energy, along with a dull sunlight. Vasili also referred to the sun god with a different name.

I think at this point, or a little further in, we had been saying that Vasili was Strahd. The more we said it, the more it became a little bit of a joke to me? Obviously, I considered the fact that Vasili was Strahd and kept it in my head as a definite possibility, and even argued in favor of it a few times in private with the DM (they were doing a very good job pretending to not understand why I thought Vasili was Strahd honestly), but I had never fully convinced myself that Vasili was Strahd.

I think the main reason I was never fully convinced was… actually because Vasili was very reciprocal with my characters flirting, and even initiated it somewhat (…yes, they slept together, and my character woke up to Strahd above him telling him he was a broken man 💀).

But anyways, after that first night, when everyone regrouped back at Ismark’s house, Kolyan refused to let Ismark come with us to find Doru. Vasili quickly volunteered himself to go… half of the party didn’t like that, but decided to let him come anyways.

After a day of travel and an experience with Strahd himself stealing the symbol of ravenkind while one party member was on watch, my character realized that he was missing his special item from Ezra. Everyone was instantly suspicious of Vasili and had my character go search him in private. As my character was about to touch him, he said “touch me and I fucking kill you,” in a completely different accent. There’s a bit of back and forth, but my character promised that he won’t tell anyone in the party. That was when Vasili morphed back into Strahd.

And, again, I was still shocked even though we had been saying Vasili was Strahd the entire time! I think that was part of the fun of it, being suspicious of him and making jokes about it and such.

But the shock isn’t only that Vasili is Strahd, but also that Strahd made his alter ego look exactly like Sergei. It’s a big double whammy that really emphasizes Vasili’s character and the meaning behind him.

TL;DR bullet point list on what made us suspicious of Vasili, leading to his… honestly surprisingly quick reveal:

Vasili’s sudden appearance and seemingly quick relationship with Kolyan in the time we were gone

Directly because of that initial suspicion, the various (and conveniently high-rolled) checks we did on him basically told us that Vasili was hiding something, not necessarily that he was Strahd, but that he was working with him

Him referring to the sun god with a different name (i think; maybe not necessarily important but i think it definitely made some of us a little confused)

An important magical item that connected one of the characters to Ezra going missing around the time they re-entered Barovia. This one only really added suspicion on Vasili because we already were suspicious that he was, at the absolute least, working with Strahd (also due to some conveniently high rolls).

All in all, your players will always surprise you. What may have been a red flag for us may not necessarily be a red flag for them. I think we were a little lucky with getting information on Vasili because we were rolling fairly well during our interactions with him. And I will reiterate, even with everything that made me suspicious, I figured that Vasili worked closely with Strahd, not that he quite literally was Strahd. And even though I guessed that he wasn’t as good of a person as he tried making himself seem, he still was technically making an effort to help us in our travels, which i think was also important.

I can’t give you very specific advice or anything because I don’t know anything about your Strahd or how your players view him. All I can say is to defy their expectations enough to make them think he’s somewhat of an ally, but keep some hints of Strahd’s key traits so he’s not a completely different character. Maybe there’s a little something Strahd is known to like or dislike and Vasili is unable to hide it. Maybe, if Strahd has already met some of them, Strahd dislikes or likes one of the pc’s more than the others and Vasili subconsciously reflects that!

Final reflection: Vasili, to me, has an inherent disconnection from other people. Whether it’s due to entitlement or due to just a flat out lack of understanding how other people work, there’s a disconnection. That’s what links him to Strahd, because when you don’t truly understand other people, it gets hard to pretend to be someone else. Unless, maybe, the thing you’re pretending to be is something you’ve always wanted... I also find it a bit comical

Whatever you come up with, no matter how it turns out or how fast your players solve it, I’m sure it will end up being very fun :~)

[greyish-cheddar]

The Writer.

When I was a little kid,

I always wanted to be writer.

Making up stories, putting pen to paper

It always made hard times seem a little brighter.

As I grew up, and life got harder

It became my escape.

Some sort of armour.

As I grew, I slowly learnt

How easily people are able to disappoint you.

I learnt to block.

I learnt to deflect.

I learnt to watch where I stepped.

I pushed away love,

Because it only came with hate.

But you can’t blame me, right?

I was just a kid

With a lot on my plate.

I couldn’t see the damage I did.

Most things in life are unknown.

That’s how many people live,

Having the unexpected hit them, like a cyclone.

But I’ve always been writer,

Used to control.

I’ve always known how the story was ending.

I never had to anticipate what the future was impending.

When things turned bad, or became too hard.

I’d retreat with my pen and paper

And write stories as a guard.

The one’s around me said

When I run and when I hide,

My words become shallow 

And my eyes seem hollow.

I’d bottle my emotions with a sense of pride.

I let myself be vulnerable,

Just one time.

Blink and you missed it

Just like the perfect crime.

What I learnt from my experience,

Something that became a matter of fact;

Is that, finding new ways to hurt eachother

Is what we are all good at.

They say don’t fall in love with writers 

because their poems are messy, 

and their letters are empty words that are dressed up to be pretty.

[sansaorgana]

do you think modern!aemond lost an eye, too? how?

I think so, yes. It's a big part of who he is, after all. That event changed him as a person.

It's not like such things don't happen anymore. Of course in modern!AU he wouldn't fight with his nephews and cousins over a dragon but maybe he was bullied by them for a long time and one night it ended up in a nasty fight. My dad's friend lost an eye as a kid, too, because his brother injured him by accident while playing with sticks but I don't think (sadly) it suits Aemond's narrative to make him lose an eye accidentally. This traumatic event shaped him into the man he is and I don't want to change that.

I don't think Rhaenyra would be married to Daemon in this AU, it would be unacceptable. I think Daemon is married to Laena (she's coming from a rich family, too) and Rhaenyra is married to Harwin Strong (he's not coming from a rich family and people gossip but Viserys ignores that because she's the apple of his eye, the eldest daughter). I also don't think Alicent in this AU would have a beef with Rhaenyra because of Rhaenyra's relationship with Harwin because times have changed. I think they wouldn't like each other because of the fact Alicent used to be her friend and married her dad.

All those things would lead to a very toxic and fucked up dynamic between the family members and children always see and hear more than parents would think. So I wouldn't be surprised if Aemond lost an eye in a nasty fight with nephews.

Since dragons aren't a thing in this AU, you may ask why would he be bullied, but I think bullies don't need reasons. He was a sensitive boy close to his mummy when he was a child and honestly, that is sadly enough very often.

PS I'm not sure about the sapphire, though. Maybe he'd get that as an adult/late teen once he finally accepted the fact he doesn't have one eye and wants to embrace it in some aesthetic way.

[ihopeditwouldbeyou]

Kate Stewart, the head of UNIT, felt a searing pain shoot through her body as she was sent hurtling into the air by the force of the explosion. Her ears rang with the sound of shattering glass and splintering wood as her home was torn apart around her. Kate's mind raced with fear and confusion as she struggled to comprehend what was happening.

Moments before, Kate had been just about to open her front door, when they was a clicking sound she started to step back and then she ran a few feet before they was a blinding flash of light and a deafening explosion. Kate had felt herself lifted off the ground and thrown into the air, her body slamming against the floor with tremendous force.

As Kate lay there, dazed and injured, she realized that she had narrowly escaped an attempt on her life. Her home had been destroyed. Kate knew who could be responsible. Kate knew that she needed to act fast to protect herself and uncover the truth behind this terrifying attack. With a deep breath, she tried to steady herself and assess her injuries, her mind racing with questions and suspicions.

She made two calls and sent a text before she snapped her phone in half. Kate knew she couldn't go to family, not even friends. She definitely couldn't risk trying to get to her husband and their child.

Kate doesn't know how long she had been out here . hours, days, maybe weeks. She is starting to

Kate felt the early signs of dehydration starting to take hold of her. Her mouth felt dry, and her tongue felt thick and heavy, making it difficult to speak. She felt a nagging headache creeping up on her, and her movements felt sluggish and lethargic.

As Kate struggled to focus on what she needed to do, her thoughts felt muddled and her attention span felt shorter than usual. She found herself becoming irritable and easily distracted, struggling to maintain her usual level of productivity. Despite her best efforts to push through, Kate felt her energy levels starting to wane, and a sense of fatigue began to set in.

The tell-tale signs of dehydration were becoming increasingly apparent on Kate's face and body. Her skin looked dry and tight, and her eyes looked sunken and tired.

Kate began to stumble as she tried to walk, to find food and water. She couldn't afford to be out of action. Her very life depended on it. But not just her life but the life of her team and quite possible the universe itself.

That's when she felt her knees buckle under her and everything went black.

@xtimelxrd

[yanderepuck]

I'm going to tell you how I made Michelangelo's cape!

In case you don't know Michelangelo is @weird-profiterole's oc. And we decided to send each other goodies from our country. Well I decided that as a surprise I'm making her Michelangelo's cape!

This is what I have to go off of. I would add a pic directly but I respect wifey and won't repost her art. But that post gives details about her oc and details of the cape.

At the time of starting it she didn't have the back designed at all. Just constellations that Michelangelo embroidered himself onto the cape.

SO WHAT DID I DECIDE TO DO?

The whole arctic circle

I divided all the constellations into 10 manageable sections. Anything in the most inner circle wouldn't fit however. I did move the Big Dipper down to be able to add it however.

Side note: Michelangelo's cape is NOT A CIRCLE CAPE. But since there wasn't a back to the cape, I had to make a creative decision, and since I didn't want Marine to know about it, I couldn't ask questions. But I figured it wouldn't be too much of an issue. He has more than one cape after all.

So I make all 10 sections into embroidery files. I draw them out myself with the template above to get all the placement correct. I even pulled out my astronomy notes from 11th grade to look at my star chart and relearned how to read it and everything.

Then I got the fabric. Just a white polyester satin. Something light with a nice drape. But here came the fun and time consuming part. DYING IT.

Now I love to dye fabric. LOVE. But a dark blue to a bright yellow with a minimal amount of green? I knew it wasn't going to be easy. So I cut out my circle like you would a circle skirt. The diameter being about 50 inches. Then I start with the the yellow.

Great, looks good. Then I wash it to get the excess dye it and it becomes a pale yellow. I need something vibrant. So I do it again. And again. And again. And again. And again eight more times. Finally I get it tot he point where I'm good with so I flip it around to do the blue. Well guess what I discovered. Blue dye is really purple. I knew black dye was purple, but I didn't know blue dye was.

Keep in mind I'm using Rite Dye Synthetic. I've never had luck with this dye but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. I shouldn't have. I have All Purpose Rite Dye in a few shades of blue and I do a small test. Those are all purple as well. Now I've already dyed the "blue" part about 4 times at this point and I'm wondering if it just won't take any more dye. But I know that's not the case. I've dyed enough fabric to know that's not the case.

My process is that I dye it for around an hour or two, moving it in the pot about every 15-20 minutes to make sure to get an even gradient. Then I hang it up to dry it, next day I wash it by hand in cool soapy water to get the extra dye out, and then it comes out too pale.

I made a few oopsies along the way, like forgetting to wet all the fabric , meaning the blue went too far into the yellow, ruining the yellow, so I then had to redye the yellow. I once washed the blue three times and then on the fourth washed the whole thing at once (I only wash by hand) and the yellow got a green ting to it.

A month and a half go by and I'm repeating the dye-dry-wash-dry pattern everyday. Then I finally realize I'm going to have to use IDye Poly. Which I knew I should have used to begin with.

Side note: the lines are a lot harder on camera than irl.

IDye Poly is what I recommend using when dying anything. The color is EXACTLY what it is on package, but its a powder, so you have to use all of it, and it SMELLS. Oh fuck it smells. They say to use the stove top method but I just put boiling hot water in a metal pot then put the fabric in. I dyed the yellow twice and it was the perfect shade.

Now for the blue. I knew the blue was really a blue and not a purple. I used that blue before. But to make sure it was as dark as I wanted it to be, I put half the amount of water in and the whole packet of dye and stirred it up. The lines were harsh at first but while dying I also run water over it to clean up the lines. The blue took about four dye rounds and it was finally at the point where I could be happy with it. I wish it was a little darker, but the transition is just how I want it. Because even thought its an ombre, I need a minimal amount of green.

TWO MONTHS LATER and I finally get this

There was some messy party once I unfolded it all but I told myself ITS FINE. REMEMBER ITS THE FUCKING RENAISSANCE. The blue is darker irl than int he picture.

So then I cover it in interfacing to draw out placement lines. This is when I remembered that I haven't even tested my embroidery files yet. I could have been doing that while I was dying the fabric. But I think part of me was scared that this was going to fail and I didn't want to get too deep, even though two months of dying a single piece of fabric is a little deep.

So I got out a Pfaff Creative Icon 2 and uploaded my files and started embroidering.

I then cut them out, laid out the cape and started placing them. I knew I was going to have to make some of the files bigger because I wasn't quite sure what I was doing when making them, but I knew I was going to test them so it was okay.

There are only four that really need to be enlarged, but I did make all of them bigger to fill in some gaps. The harsh line in the front is where the opening is going to be.

So after fixing the files and a seven hour day at work it is all embroidered!

Each dot takes about a minute each, plus then the lines connecting all of them. There are some awkward empty spots and I was going to fill them in with stand alone dots/stars, but I decided not to since they weren't on the star chart.

Now I had to rip all the stabilizer off and trim all the threads. Kiki decided she wanted to help

I decided to line it with a pale yellow broadcloth to encase the edges, stitched along the edges to keep it from turning over and then I had the white strips in the front to add. I just used the same fabric since I had extra and since it was white.

You can't tell on camera but after ironing the fabric the color in some areas got darker. It's fairly subtle but I tried to iron the whole thing lightly to even out the color, luckily it darkened the color rather than lightening it.

Now all I had was the tassels and rope. I got it laid out how I wanted it but then didn't have a clue how to attach it, plus the ends of the rope kept fraying and burning the edges gave it a burnt look, plus it was untwisting. So I wrapped a gold embroidery thread about it, and then coated that in a fabric glue so there wasn't much of a chance of it coming undone. I put a button on the back of the cape so that it wouldn't pull at the fabric when I attached it.

AND THEN ITS DONE!

I think the file is too big, but I have a video of it that I will link to show you a 360 look of it.

AND IF YOU READ THIS FAR THANK YOU.

(at the time of writing this I'm praying the package get's to Marine safely)

~~

Shoutout to @lulu-the-smol-floof @legalize-arson @ivoryclive for dealing with all the picture spams and ranting about how worried I was through this whole project

[they-might-be-ultramen]

announcement (not bad, nobody panic <3)

uh. i suppose this *should* be done with some sort of decorum, but its 2 pm on a monday and im exhausted (didnt sleep last night) and its been so long its probably not going to surprise folks much so

i am going to, lets say, discontinue my twitch vtuber account and close that stuff down. i may, at times, still decide to stream playing viddy games, because i think thats fun and i like doing it, and i have a computer that can do it now (yay!)

dont get me wrong, i enjoyed streaming with my avatar and i SUPER appreciate everyone who contributed to that being a possibility and doing art and stuff, and im happy with V-Shen to continue to exist, but in the future when i stream it will probably be on a different account and without an avatar or anything. just low stakes, chill streaming.

i think honestly the idea of being a vtuber was getting to me a bit; like i felt like i HAD to have a certain number of views, and i was down on myself when i didnt, etc. stuff like that. it stopped being about streaming for fun and started being about streaming "correctly" and "efficiently" and stuff. so i think i need to step back from that aspect of it, personally. but! i love that it works for some people and i had a fun time trying it out. it just turns out it probably isnt for me, and thats ok!

sorry this got so long. just wanting to let people know im stepping back from "vtubing" so to speak, but i may stream at times in the future! just, in a different manner.

again thank you to everyone who made V-Shen a reality, it was very fun to do and i couldnt have done it without yall.

especially the amazing @catastrophic-crisis. V-Shen quite literally would not exist without you, and i truly appreciate your work on him (with me? lol idk how to say it) so much <3

[pokeymonhearts]

[just-a-little-dragon]

GBA Idea

Albus stared at his older self. Who looked.... much different.

"I died."

"Yeah. But hey we got a wife and several kids out of it. None of them ours though. Yet." His older self laughed.

"And Vinny... loves us?" The words sounded so foreign to him. The thought of anyone loving him didn't make sense. He was a bastard and a whore.

"Yeah. Weird right?"

---

"You stole a ship from father and are now pronounced dead by the triad?!" Devlin shouted. Eyes wide with shock as his older self sighed and nodded.

"Well. Albus was dead for a while. And the sister threw away everything to get Corano back. And we succeeded in the end."

"Albus?!" Devlin shouted.

"Thats my name." Devlin spun to see his brother and a demon walking side by side.

"You bastard! You corrupted a sister of the knights and me!"

"Hey now!" The older Albus sighed. "I didn't corrupt Faithful. You. Yeah I take points for that one."

Devlin opened his mouth to say something but a shrill scream of agony rang through the air. He turned to the the tolder sersions and they both sighed.

"The sister?"

"Definitely faithful. No doubt the younger one as well. Let's go see what slurs she saying." Devlin followed in curiosity of meeting the sister that would change his life so drastically.

"You gave up everything?!" Albus stared at the two woman facing off. One much more laid back. "Our faith, legacy, everything?"

"Well it was either save the child or live in the family."

"And you chose the child. OH! And fucked a bastard and ship worker while you were at it."

"I didn't fuck Devlin. Albus was the one to teach and on that Hello there. enjoying the show?"

"How can you be so calm about this?!" the older ALbus laughed at the girl.

"Compared to the shit we did to kill your brother. This isn't that bad."

"I do not want to hear it from a fatherless man." ALbus scoffed as the girl spat.

"I forgot how cute you were when you were angry." Older Albus laughed again.

"Hard to be angry with you two anymore." Fsithful chuckled. "Now. Shall we find out how to send them back?"

[heylins-world]

Alright, one more long Reva rant and then I'll stop.

Us finding out the full implications of Reva's backstory when Obi-Wan does is a fantastic narrative beat, actually, and I'm a little frustrated that the whiny nitpickers are all like "well why didn't we get this sooner so we could care about her."

First of all, if you were paying attention, you would have seen it coming, so that's on you.

But more importantly, we are on Obi-Wan's journey in this show, NOT Reva's, so we learn and feel things as Obi Wan does.

It would cut the narrative tension in half if we're given all the facts before the POV character has time to figure it out. Before now, Reva was just some inquisitor to him, hunting him out of hiding and forcing him to get involved in the plot when she became a threat to the thing he swore to protect when he went into exile. He didn't have any more facts than that yet so we didn't either. NOW he does, and he recognizes Reva as a physical manifestation of all his failures when he left Anakin to die on Mustafar instead of finishing him off. And NOW so do we. It's an important emotional beat for him and the best way of emphasizing that is to give US that realization at the Same Time.

So even though clues were dropped here and there to let us know this character is actually going somewhere, and even though Moses Ingram put a ton of work into adding nuance to every line delivery so it's pretty damn clear there's more to the story than face value, we only learn all the important things as Obi Wan experiences them because He is the point of view character and this is how POV storytelling works.

I can just imagine if the Original Trilogy was released today, all the nitpickers would be up in arms about "why didn't we get the darth vader reveal sooner so we could sympathize with his character and see him as more than just this machine man running around with a laser sword! What a load of wasted potential and bad character development" and completely miss the fact that the Reason that moment was so effective is because we experience the shock right along with Luke instead of being told from the beginning and waiting for Luke, the POV character, to catch up with us.

Does Kenobi have its writing flaws? 100% yes. But the way they've handled Reva's character progression is not one of them.

(Unless they kill her off next episode and we never see her again in which case I'll be crying wasted potential myself don't you worry.)

[explicit-tae]

WIP GAME with Cruel Intentions pllllzzzzzz my soul aches for the update but a WIP will do 😭🤞🏻😭

No problem 😅 It's kinda long but here's a little snippet!

Jin-Seon squirms in Jungkook's arms, his head towards his chest and mouth open trying to feed on nothing. Jungkook frowns, his bottom lip forming a pout. "You must be hungry." he murmurs down to his son before standing slowly, afraid if he done so far too quick he'd drop Jin-Seon. 

Jungkook makes his way to you. You weren't far, only in the next room organizing Jin-Seon's nursery when he arrived frantically. Jin-Seon was seconds away from crying, the low whimpers telling him so. "He's hungry." Jungkook says as he enters. You're folding Jin-Seon's clothes when he does. "I don't want him to cry."

You roll your eyes before turning to Jungkook. You wouldn't admit it - but you found it cute how concerned Jungkook was whenever Jin-Seon cried. You've dealt with children since a young age with the amount of nieces and nephews you had and knew that them crying would be the least of your worries. You attempted to tell Jungkook this - yet he was convinced that whenever Jin-Seon cried it would be the end of the world. 

"Do you want to feed him?" you tilt your head. "Jae-Beom got me a pump as a late gift. I only got enough for one feeding. It's warming up now."

Jungkook's eyes widen as his eyes watch you go around Jin-Seon's nursery and grab what you thought he needed to feed him. He was nervous - he never fed Jin-Seon before since you breast fed him, but he enjoyed watching. 

You usher him to sit down and place the bottle in his hands. Jin-Seon was seconds from crying and Jungkook's nerves were kicking in. "What if he doesn't want me to?" he questions. "He's use to you."

"If he doesn't like it then we can switch." you responded. "I think you give him too much power. He's a baby."

Jungkook remains quiet but listens on how you instruct him to put the nipple in his mouth. He does and sighs in relief that Jin-Seon begins to suck without a care who was feeding him. He smiles a low smile the way Jin-Seon stops squirming. 

You go back to folding Jin-Seon's clothes for the next few minutes, organizing everything around you for an easy find. When you turn around to check on Jin-Seon, your eyes catch Jungkook's appearance and are taken aback. "Are you crying?" you whisper, unsure if you were intruding on a personal moment or not.

"I can't take back what I've done to you Y/N. I wish I would've listened when you begged me not to." Jungkook wipes a few tears away with his shoulder, careful not to disturb a carefree Jin-Seon. "I love you with all my heart for making me a father but I hate myself for how it happened. I know..." Jungkook's eyes stare at Jin-Seon, his eyes watering even more. He wasn't a cryer - especially not in front of others. But the thought of his son growing older and despising him for what he's done to you makes his blood run cold. "I would do anything for you and Jin-Seon and I will spend forever trying to redeem myself."

[artsyunderstudy]

WIP Tag Game : Bury Your Love?? 👀👀👀

So this is another old, old idea that I was actually actively writing for a bit. The general premise was that Simon ends up breaking things off with Baz at the Leaver's Ball, saying some pretty hurtful shit because he's unable to stomach Baz's tenderness and all his own trauma about everything he's just lost.

The story picks up years later. They run into each other at a bar, Baz is closed off an bitter, content to pretend like their romantic interlude didn't happen. All the walls are up. Simon's ready to take whatever of Baz he can have, though, so they end up in a physical relationship that's really lacking in that tenderness, very rough for lack of a better word. It would have followed them through a series of meetings where they have to get through their shit, and Simon has to genuinely work to get that trust back, that'll allow Baz to soften to him again.

The idea basically bloomed from this scene (NSFW) where Simon and Baz are having sex, and Baz is essentially allowing himself to be hurt/move too fast because he's trying so hard to make it not mean anything, and Simon realizes this and just, stops it cold. The title refers to the idea of Baz, in his hurt, burying his love for Simon.

I'll be honest, this fic is most likely never going to see the light of day. It's real angsty, and I sort of lost motivation for it. Everything I wrote I'd probably scrap and start all over if I ever thought to start it again. But here, have a big excerpt from the Leaver's Ball. Simon is Freaking Out.

I never really believed that I belonged here.  It always seemed way too good to be true, like a dream I’d eventually wake up from.  But Merlin, did I want it.  It was a part of me.  It is a part of me.  This place is mine the way nothing else in my life has ever been mine.  The first place I was ever really seen.  I was given purpose here, and power.  I had magick.  I was made of it.  Now?

I shut my eyes, nails digging into my palms.

Christ, I need to find Baz.  I told myself I’d do this for him.  It’s his Leaver’s Ball, and he shouldn’t leave this place without me.   I don’t know what he expected from me, or from us, but it can’t have looked much like the last few months.  I did tell him I’d be a terrible boyfriend, and I thought—I’d hoped—that I could prove myself wrong in the end.  I need to do this.  He’s been so good.  Infuriatingly, unbelievably good.  It’s me who’s been a proper mess. 

I shake my head and start forward.  At least three people have walked past me already.  My tail caught one of them in the ankle and they nearly ended up on the ground. 

There are fairy lights (the Normal kind) strung up all around the courtyard, the light soft and flickering.  Circular tables surround a large spread of food.  I don’t see sandwiches, I thought there’d be sandwiches.  There’s already so many people dancing.  Will Baz want to dance?  I bet he’s good at that, too.  Thinking about his hands on me makes my stomach twist into knots.

I look around the crowd for him, I’m in the thick of it now.  Everybody’s looking at me, but also not looking.  Merlin, it’s completely fucked the way their gazes keep sliding over me, like oil over water.  Like there’s nothing left of me that sticks.

It’s just jarring is what it is.  Like I’m the hole now.

@theearlgreymage

[dr-ground-zero]

Smoke bomb

(this is a fantasy AU m/h/a fict, with one of my fave ships Kiri/Ka/cchako) Katsuki had finally finished his exams for his first year of college, he finished his general ed studies and now summer vacation had begun. Excited to be done for the year and finally catch a break, Katsuki had one thing on his mind. Get to the old abandoned park to see Eijirou and Ochako.

Dropping his school bag at his apartment, he grabbed the key that was strung on a necklace. Then made a mad dash for the abandoned park. Getting closer and closer the beautiful warmth slowly faded to a chill pushing through the air. The leaves on the trees were dying and soon the trees were all bare. The sky was grey, the clouds getting closer and dark.

Arriving at the abandoned park gates, from the outside looking in it just looked like what used to be a beautiful park. Lots of toys, playsets, and benches. Now covered in vines, grass, moss, and a few dandelions. But those with the key-like bakugou-knew there was much more to that. You just had to put the key in, and as you turn the key you say

“Eisodos” 

As the key turns, the gate opens and it allows Bakugou to step through into the somewhat normal-looking scene. But once he steps inside his entire location changes.

He’s in the middle of a village, it's around wintertime here. The snow is falling gracefully covering the ground in its pillowy whiteness. The children jump into snow piles, throw snowballs at each other, and just generally play around. At first, Bakugou was confused as to why it was winter, but he’d forgotten. The seasons are opposites, so in his world, it was the beginning of summer, for Yuuie it was winter. Luckily, Bakugou still had his quirk, also the cape he has was good at keeping in the heat. So with that in mind, bakugou made sure he had his sword and map before making his way to the forbidden forest.

Trudging through the snow, Katsuki grew farther away from the village and made his way to the forest. Which was snowing just as much. Using his sword to clear his way and to make a trail so he’d remember how to get out. As he ventured through the forest he was greeted by all sorts of wildlife. There were plenty of organisms that lived through all the seasons Though something felt off about the creatures. When they saw Katsuki they seemed like they were happy to see him-which was usually never the case, they hated him, especially the Hito-gui shokubutsu- (man-eating plants). They didn’t hiss when he passed them, nor did anything stalk behind him with malice or caution.

The deeper Katsuki went into the forest the more confused he became. First, the creatures, and now the ground is shaking?! What next?! Smoke….smoke was next, now Katsuki had a bad feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach. Every few minutes the ground would shake and the smoke would get thicker. Having to shield his face with his crimson red cape, Katsuki continued with caution hoping this didn’t have something to do with Kirishima.

The closer Katsuki got to the cave the worse the shaking got, he’d almost fallen into a few traps from how bad it was. Finally, at the mouth of the cave, Bakugou could hardly see inside with how thick the smoke was all he could hear was a loud huffing noise, sounding very close to panting and then.

“Hrrrraasshhh!” Smoke flooded out of the cave in large tufts smogging the once beautiful forest. The sound was also the source of the ground shaking as well, causing the rocks of the cave to shift and fall in certain places. This was Kirishima’s cave, something was wrong for the cave to be collapsing like this and for there to be smoke!

Grabbing a large stick, and using a small percentage of his quirk the stick was lit. Once he had his source of light, Katsuki carefully entered the cave. Even with the fire lighting the way, the smoke was thick so it was still rather hard to see anything. Just as Bakugou thought he’d have to go deeper something touched his boot.

Holding the light closer to the ground it was clear to see the large beast laying still on the ground.

It was Kirishima, curled up in a tight ball-as tight as a large dragon can make itself into- was he shivering? Yup, the poor creature was shivering and sniffling. The dragon would let out a huff every few minutes from its large maw and then start sniffling. Kirishima sensed the light of the fire Bakugou held in his hands, eyes slowly opening to be met with a foggy image of the barbarian king. 

“Katsuki?” The dragon spoke telepathically, as vocally was not an option in his current form. Even so, the telepathic voice was weak sounding. Katsuki knelt beside the beast, next to his head. 

“Yeah red, it's me. Are you okay, why are your lair and forest filled with smoke?” Right as Katsuki asked that Kirishima huffed but it wasn’t just once, it was twin, three times, four. 

“Katsuki get behind me” The dragon instructed with a warning in his voice, as the next huff brought on sparks and smoke. Katsuki jumped over the large body mass and hid behind one of the wings yet still able to see what was about to happen. The chest wall rose and rose with each huff which was more like an inhale from how it looked. 

“Hrrrraasshhh! Hrrrraasshhh!”

There was a sharp gust of wind blowing smoke around the entire cave. Fortunately, Katsuki was safe from the blast air or spray. When the sound was over and the ground had stopped shaking, Katsuki noticed the shivering and sniffling were back. ‘Was he sick? Is that even possi-’ 

“Katsuki, I thigh i’b a bit sick” And so his questions were answered. Katsuki climbed over the dragon to sit in front of him. 

“Figures, since I’m going to guess all that sneezing, is what’s been making all the smoke and the ground shake. Not to mention your little….creatures are acting weird.” Bakugou concluded, Kirishima nodded and groaned which came out sounding more like a puppy whine. 

“Fire dragods dodn’t do well id the widter.”

Bakugou adjusted his sitting position and patted his lap inviting the dragon to lay his head down in it. Doing as such, Kirishima weakly got up and inched his way over into the human’s lap. Rough hands gently petting the scaly head in his lap, his usual anger-filled red eyes were now soft and gentle. Katsuki had to find a way to make the dragon feel better, he hated to see him like this. Still, there was so much about this universe that he didn’t know about, dragons being one of them. Sure he’d gone on a long research spree for a while and even had notes about it in a journal but. He still had a lot to learn. 

‘Who else would know what to do in this situation, 'cause I sure as hell don’t.’

 Bakugou was lost in thought for a minute thinking about who he could go to for help. Going to the wizard wouldn’t go well, he’d just talk his ears off with meaningless things. Finding another dragon in the area would be difficult considering it was winter and Bakugou didn’t know of any winter dragons. There was no way the second king’s prince would be of any help. Then it popped into his head!

“Floaty witch!” He says somewhat randomly out loud, Kirishima made a noise before responding.

“Ochako?” Bakugou nodded, she seemed to know a lot about the place as well as the mystics that lived in Yuuiie.  

“She seems to know just about everything about every creature, so of course, she’d be able to help us.” Kirishima couldn’t even argue about it considering she’d held heal a lot of mystics in his forest as well as himself when it came to certain ailments or injuries. Her place wasn’t that far either, the thing was. They’d have to go through the village and  Kirishima didn’t know if he could transform and stay human the entire walk there.

“But how will I get through the village? I cad’t stay humad for log id this state.” Bakugou gave a soft hum in curiosity before answering. 

“You can stay in your dragon form until we get through the village, change into your human form than when we get to Ocha’s you can turn back.” They had a plan set and now it was time to put it into action. Allowing the dragon to get up first, Katsuki got to his feet shortly after. Leading the dragon out of his lair, Katsuki felt bad as the dragon was his with a gust of cold air. 

Poor thing was shivering, stretching out only made the wind hit the more sensitive parts of Kirishima’s body making him want to go back into his cave and curl up. 

“I know red” Katsuki says putting a reassuring hand on one of the front legs. Katsuki knew it wouldn’t be good for the dragon to fly seeing as the higher the altitude the colder the air. So on foot travel, it was for today.

Once again footing it through the snow Katsuki knew his way back to the village as did Kirishima. The cold weather was making the dragon tired, it was hard to walk through the snow when he was feeling so unwell.  Thankfully the walk towards the village wasn’t very far at all, now was the hard part. Keeping up the halfling transformation and hoping it doesn’t break in front of all of the civilians.

His halfling form helped him at least look less menacing, just hoped no one would step on his tail. Though he wasn’t exactly the warmest in his halfling form, his clothes weren’t very helpful so he was shivering twice as hard now. 

“O-Okay, I-I’b r-re-re-ready” He stammered wrapping his arms around himself to try and preserve some sort of warmth. Seeing his mate shivering like this Bakugou took off his cape and draped it around Kirishima’s shoulders. 

“There that should help keep you even a little warm, just don’t use it as a snot rag, okay.” Closing the cape to pull in warm Kirishima followed the human through the village. Most people were too busy getting from point A to point B or playing in the snow to notice. 

The chilly air was not doing Kirishima’s nose any favors. Making his nose all red and runny, the halfling was still sniffling, so he subtly used the red cape to wipe his nose. He hoped the blond didn’t notice it. As they strolled his nose decided to give him trouble in the busiest part of the town. 

“Heh heeh! Heh Bl-blaahh blasty!” Eijirou called out, Bakugou was only a few steps ahead of him when he turned around. Shoulders hiked up, body tense, his face going slack while his eyes squinted. His nose twitched and ran, spark forming along with smoke escaping from his mouth. Katsuki could spell the fire building up inside Kirishima.  Katsuki knew what was about to happen so he had to think fast.

Hurrying over and grabbing at Kirishima’s nose with his thumb and pointer finger, he pinched it shut forcing the dragon to stifle. 

“Hiih’nkxshh! Hiih’nkxshh! Hiih’nkxshh!” Hands clutching the cape as he harshly stifled, eijirou gasped at the end of the fit to try and get some air. Sighing when he was relieved that there weren’t any more sneezes. He then realized he smoked out Bakugou’s face!

“You done, shitty horns?”  Kirishima blushed at the question, the blond looked a little annoyed that he just got a face full of smoke. 

“Y-yeah, sorry about that.” Bakugou rolled his eyes and let go of Kirishima’s nose.

 “Whatever, bless you I guess, come on let's get you outta here before you smoke screen someone else.” “yeah alright”

With that, the two made their way out of the village not without a few stares and a few accidental smoke blasts. Still, they made it out without making too many people mad

By the time they’d gotten to Ochako’s house, Kirishima had transformed back into his dragon form. Walking up to the doorstep Bakugou gave a harsh knock. There were a few footsteps that came up behind the door then a muffled.

“What’s the password?” Bakugou rolled his eyes, he hated when she’d ask this, and this wasn’t the time. 

“Oi pink cheeks just open up!”  He called out, but that only earned him a.

“What’s the password” He knew she wasn’t gonna let him in without the password, he hated the password.

“I’m Katsuki bakugou, and I like riding on pink fluffy rainbow unicorns. He answered begrudgingly with his arms folded over his chest. With that, the door opened up to the witch's house.  She greets them with a smile and invites them in.

“Oh, Katsuki you’re back! Hey Eijirou.” “OI pink cheeks no time to reminiscing. We need your help.” Of course, she wasn’t greeted the same by the blond but she was used to this. “Well hello to you too Kats. what is it?” “Eijirou’s sick and you know a lot more about creatures than I do,”  Katsuki replied while stepping into the house, surprisingly the house did fit Kirishima quite nicely. Ochako went over to Kirishima and guided him towards a more empty living room so she could examine him. Curled up in a ball Kirishima lay on the floor finally able to escape from the cold weather. Going through her closet she grabbed a big box and levitated it towards a spot next to Kirishima. She opened it and picked up this 3’8 long thermometer. It was the old-fashioned mercury ones. 

“Alright Eiji, try and keep this under your tongue for me.” Bakugou looked in amazement when he saw the ginormous tool. It was cartoonishly large, he’d never seen anything that big (hardy har har). When she pulled it out (dirty mind), she sighed. 

“Okay not too bad, 201.” At first hearing, the number Bakugou looked terrified. She said that number so casually as if two hundred degrees wasn’t a lot. Then he remembered that dragons often run from 189-199 degrees, his panic erased from his face as he left out a deep breath he’d unknowingly held in. 

“Hm, seems like you’ve also got a runny nose, let me magic up some tissues okay,” Ochako says sweetly patting the red dragon on the head. Magicking up a 2ft x 2ft x2ft sized tissue box, she pulled a tissue from the box and gently wiped the dragon’s nose. Bakugou honestly couldn’t help but love this scene. He wasn’t the best at being gentle like Ochako was but he could try. Sitting down opposite Kirishima, Katsuki pats his lap as a cue to the creature to lay his head down on him.  Stroking his hand softly against the hard rough scale, Bakugou looked down fondly at his boyfriend. He truly felt bad that he was sick and didn’t know what to do.

“I’m pretty sure he just has a common cold” Bakugou blinked looking towards the brunet, common? How is the fact that he blows out smoke and possibly fire when he sneezes, common?! 

“How is this common, he smoke screens, someone, any time he sneezes?” “Well think about this, in your world, you all have some sort of power correct?” “yes, can’t sickness sometimes affect how your power functions?” “yeah I guess” “In our world, this is more common.” “Okay, so is there some sort of cure?” “Nope, we’re not that smart just like you guys haven’t figured it out, neither have we.”

Ochako stands up from her spot on the floor. 

“Lucky for you, I still know a few things that’ll help him feel better.” Bakugou bent a brow at this. 

“Hm? What is it an immune system potion?” “Hmm, sorta, more like vegetable soup.” Bakugou’s face then went from quizzical to blank real fast. Soup? Just soup?

“What’s that look for?” Oxhako asked as she then went into the kitchen. Bakugou was a little disappointed it wasn’t some potion, he wanted his mate to feel better fast.

“I dunno thought it would be some sort of potion.” She gave a small giggle as she went through her cabinets and got out her supplies. 

“Well I could but that would require going out and getting more supplies because I don’t have enough for it to work on him anyway. Though I do know another thing that would help.”  Now Bakugou wasn’t expecting much this time. 

“What is it?” “Well, you know how when we humans get really stuffed up we use steam or warm things to help with that? Dragons and creatures of similar size use a geyser since they produce large rushes of steam. It’ll keep Eijirou warm as well as keep the congestion down long enough to start feeling better.” 

With this new information, Bakugou was ready to go and find a geyser!

“Really? I can go out and find one on my map!” He says while going through his pockets to fish out his map. Then he was halted with a dose of reality.

“Katsuki, it's winter hun, the geysers would be dormant by now.” He grumbled at this and stopped looking for his map. 

“Though I think if we go at the right time, we could take him to hot springs. It’ll do just about the same thing, though I don’t recommend you get in. Pretty sure you’d burn your skin off.”  “Okay, so when can we take him to the hot springs or whatever?” “After I make Eiji some soup, which won't be long.” She says while loading her ingredients into a cauldron.

By the time the soup was done and eaten, it was late in the evening. 

“Alright, let's go to the hot spring.” Says Ochako slipping on her boots and grabbing her broomstick from the closet. Helping the dragon out the door Katsuki waited for Ochako to lead the way. Due to the lateness of the day, it was extra cold Eijirou really couldn’t wait to get to the hot spring. The cold-blooded creature truly needed relief. His nose is clogged and sensitive he hardly went longer than ten minutes without needing a tissue from the giant box. 

When they got to the hot spring, Eijirou could feel the heat without even getting into the spring. It felt so comforting and inviting getting closer and closer the heat was alluring for someone who couldn’t warm themselves up as most could. Getting into the water the heat wrapped around the reptilian-like being. His muscles unclenched from their harsh shivering, and his body started to warm up and gain a little energy. In a somewhat child-like manner, Eijirou rolled around in the water, it wasn’t too deep, it was deep enough to submerge at least most of his body. 

Katsuki and Ochako couldn’t help but laugh watching their dragon act like this after looking miserable not long ago. Coming towards the edge of the hot spring Katsuki sat on the stones feeling the warmth as well as the humidity.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself, Red.” Eijirou nodded, Ochako giggled, and joined Katsuki sitting right beside him. 

“Why don’t you try sniffling the steam to help clear you up a bit?” She suggested, so Eijirou did just that. The sniffling at first was incredibly thick hardly getting through the hard wall of congestion and then it started to loosen up and turn into wet stuffy snorts, almost slurpy sounding. Though just as the congestion began to shift around, it caused a rather harsh tickle. Large nostrils flaring and twitching catch both human’s attention. The sudden flow of smoke and sparks of fire alarmed them. “HIDE!” Yelled Katsuki who immediately got to his feet and grabbed Ochako’s hand. 

Pulling her along, he ran so he was behind Eijirou hoping to not get caught in a smoke bomb. Thankfully they were outside the smoke wouldn’t be trapped still, it wasn’t pleasant to be smoked. Then a sharp large gasp came, Bakugou pushed Ochako into a crouching position and used his cape like a shield. Even if it wasn’t fireproof at least they wouldn’t be blinded by the blaze of what Kirishima could do. 

“Hrrrraasshhh! Hrrrraasshhh! Hrrrraasshhh! Hrrrraasshhh!” There certainly was light, then suddenly they were surrounded by large clear almost white clouds. Katsuki moved his cape and both of them were a little shocked by the scene. Eijirou had managed to use his fire breath to create steam by aiming his sneezes into the water. So instead of a hot bath, it was now a steam bath. The warmth was still there but now it looked like they’d entered head. 

Once the coast was clear, they went over to Eijirou who realized what he’d done and made a loud whining sound. Surprisingly Bakugou was the first one to comfort him.

“Hey hey, it's fine Red, you didn’t mean to do it. It's okay” He says with open arms. The dragon lowered its head to Katsuki’s level. Gave him a gentle head scratch for reassurance that no one was mad at him. 

Katsuki turned around to see where the next hot spring was, it was only a few feet away. Just as he turned around he felt something wet press against his back. He turned back around to see Eijirou rubbing his nose against his cape and it had soaked through.

“Goddammit, Eijirou my cape!”

[amaraeshepard]

Normandy Launch Party - Part Three

Earth, Canada, Vancouver Alliance Military Command 2183 AD

The fourth or was it fifth shot was where the alcohol stopped burning when she swallowed it. Normally she would have taken her time with her drinks, but when it was Anderson joining her shot for shot, she couldn’t say no. He, like her, hated the pomp of these events. At times she hated the fact she could play the political game at all, but it was a useful tool when negotiating. Her grandmother had made sure to explain that politics was an art and a skill just as important as the ones she learned in the Alliance.

A word can be just as deadly as a bullet when wielded with purpose.

Amara’s thoughts were pulled back to Anderson as he spoke and poured what would be their sixth shot.

“Have you met any of the crew?”

Amara shook her head and eyed the shot glass for a moment. “Not yet, though I would like to not have to carry you to the Normandy after this.”

“Hmmm���You have a point. I never could keep up with you.” he turned to two figures behind him and motioned for them to join in. “Well, here are two now. We can all have a shot before we call it quits.”

Amara smirked, the faint trace of a dimple forming for a moment as she watched the men turn, both with semi-shocked expressions on their faces. The man on the right was frailer, thinner, but held a fire in his eyes that dared anyone to confront him with that truth. She had a feeling they would get along fine. She knew that fire well.

The second man was tall, well built though not a giant of a man. He was toned as a soldier would be with thick dark, near black hair and rich honey brown eyes-

Kaidan?

“Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, this is Commander Amara Shepard, XO of the Normandy and your CO.” He reached for the two new shot glasses that the bartender had slipped in front of him and filled each. Andersons intent was for all four of them to join in.

“It’s Joker, Sir…Ma’am.” the smaller man said as he raised his arm to salute.

Amara pulled her eyes from Kaidan for a moment and called upon that political training her grandmother had insisted on and offered Joker a smile. “No need to salute, Joker. We are not on the ship yet.” Her smile was warm, and so was she suddenly.

Joker returned a small smile, but Amara already shifted her gaze back to her childhood friend. He had changed so much but was still the same. Years had passed since they last spoke, but here he was and this time they were working together. Assigned to the same ship, same crew and She was His superior officer.

“Been a while.” Kaidan said finally, taking charge of the moment.

His eyes had not left her, she realized, as she met their molten color with her own golden gaze. There was so much to say between them, but at that moment she had nothing to say. The last time they had spoken, she was in a hospital bed, broken and mourning the deaths of her team on Akuze. He was shipped out on his next assignment later that day.

That was the last time she felt whole. After that she was Shepard, the Hero of Akuze…the survivor.

“You look good, Lieutenant.” she replied, her voice holding together for the moment, thankfully.

Kaidan nodded once and took the shot that Anderson offered him, and prepared. Drinking with not one but two CO’s as well as knowing one of them for as long as he could remember. The Normandy did promise adventure, this was not in any way what he expected. “You too, Commander. How long has it been?”

Amara’s smile faded for a moment. “A few years.” With a nod she turned to Joker, noting he was watching them both with a curious grin that was far too close to a Cheshire grin to not know what he was thinking. “Our families are close. When we visited earth I am sad to say Lieutenant Alenko had to suffer my curiosity. Earth was the first world I ever walked on, and I would torment him until he would show me around.”

Kaidan’s expression softened. “That was a long time ago, Commander.”

“True.”

A moment later the four of them toasted to the Normandy and themselves, drinking the contents of their glasses and smiling wide. Anderson excused himself a few minutes later, claiming that he had a few things to take care of before they set off. The three of them seemed to relax, but Amara felt like a cat clawing at the walls. They were still three, and still at a party full of prying eyes and whispering gossip mongers. Though Amara was not a political animal she was watched. Any of her grandmother’s rivals would use her if they could. So she had to behave, or try to. Hard to do when all you wanted to do was relax.

After an hour, the party seemed to quiet down, various attendees taking shuttles back to hotels or transports. Soon the marble tiled patio would be empty. Amara found herself finally alone, watching the sunset over the ocean’s horizon. It was the colors that she enjoyed the most. The soothing transition of reds and golds that shifted subtly to the darker deeper hues of purples and blue. Soon her favorite stars would twinkle above and call her space born heart to take her own shuttle and explore them.

She was so lost in the view that she didn’t hear it when Kaidan approached her. She only knew he was there when the smell of his cologne was carried to her by a stray breeze. He said nothing as he stood at her side, watching the same colors as she did, the same ones he had introduced her to when they were both kids.

The moment of silence stretched before them until like a rubber band it was pulled too far and snapped. Kaidan was the first one to speak. As always, he had to get it out before he exploded with assumptions. It was something Amara knew well about him, even when it drove her insane.

“So Shepard, huh?”

Amara nodded, “I took dad’s name back when I enlisted. If I was going to follow in his footsteps…Nana was less than enthused. She still believes the name is cursed.” A dry smile curved the corner of her lips, but she refused to look away from the horizon.

“Mar…after Akuze-”

Amara sighed, “You had a posting. I was in a hospital bed on meds I can’t even pronounce. You had to go. I- I wasn’t myself anyway.”

Kaidan lifted a hand, reaching for hers but instead placed it on the railing in front of him. “How…I mean, how are you? Really. Mar to Kay…off the record…whatever.”

Shifting herself to lean against the railing, Amara took a deep breath and exhaled. “I didn’t know you were part of the crew. Anderson didn’t tell me. I wasn’t expecting it, Kay.” She suddenly felt like she did as a teenager when she had accidentally heard Kaidan trying to reach his girlfriend after BAaT was shut down. She felt awkward, out of place. Even after all these years, he was her weakness.

And now they were on the same ship.

“It is a surprise to say the least.” he chuckled, finishing off the contents of the flute in his hand.

Kaidan smiled that smile that used to make her heart stop as a kid and she was suddenly fourteen years old standing outside his bedroom door, listening to him plead with the girl who broke his heart. The girl he had broken a part of himself for. The girl she would never be.

“It is definitely that. How have you been otherwise?”

“Mar, what are we doing? Small talk?” Kaidan frowned, hating the awkwardness between them. He couldn’t stand it by the way he shifted his weight from leg to leg. “We’ve never been the small talk types. I’m sorry, Mar, I don’t know what to say right now.”

Closing her eyes, Amara thought of the hospital room. She thought of the look on his face when she ordered him to leave her there broken. She thought of how he looked when he turned and walked out of her life, when only a week before they had been laughing as they sat together on a stump in the orchard.

“We’ve been through a lot together and apart. This is just the newest chapter.” She would have made her grandmother proud with that comment. “We’ll be fine. It’s just nerves.” She stepped back and away from him and the railing. “See you bright and early Alenko. Have a good night.” With those simple words Amara left. She was almost out of earshot when she heard him curse under his breath. The rough sound of his voice in that moment almost summoned her back to his side. Fuck indeed.

The End

That was a little longer than I expected, with some past events that I will have to write up eventually. Poor Shenko, suffering my head canon version of torment and bad timing! I hope you enjoyed it! More writings coming soon! ♥