#they bring the structure my adhd brain lacks

[literarydesire]

It’s just me and this weird little band of autistic nerds I call a friend group against the world.

[squirrelsinthebelfry]

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Holy guacamole I am sore. We spent the day yesterday working for one of our regulars, George. I was staining his fence and deck, while Bobbin shovelled dirt and spread grass seed... I am burnt to a crisp, and because of nerve issues in my shoulders and elbows, a day of moderate to heavy use of my arms like that just leaves me in agony. Oh well, money's money and it feels good to get an honest day's work in.

Today we're on another job with a new client. Bobbin is doing the actual work today, I'm just the driver. We can't afford two round-trips to come out to work, so I'm just hanging out in the car for the day with my drawing and sewing stuff. People frequently act like they feel sorry for me hanging out for the day, working on my various projects, but this is bliss for me. There's no one to bother me and I can keep it as quiet as I want it, or put music on if I feel like it. I need regular opportunities to "check-out" without feeling obligated to be "on" for anyone or I burn out... And the meltdowns that come with burn-out are a horror show that I very much want to avoid... So these days where I can just hang out in the car or someone's backyard while Bobbin works are an absolute life saver for me.

I love the way Bobbin's work ethic and absolute beastly ability to go hard for long periods of time is becoming the stuff of legend lol. He worked for this asshole's landscaping company... I'll call the asshole Pilon, for reasons. Pilon's father, Sonny, also did work with the company and took to Bobbin very quickly. He eventually hired Bobbin to help him with his own driveway sealing business, and then to help him clear out his house and move. He was so impressed that his other son, George, ended up hiring Bobbin to help him move, and then kept bringing Bobbin back to help with renos, yard clean-up, and other odd jobs around his big country property. George was so impressed that his buddy, Bert, decided to hire Bobbin to help him organize his new workshop after he moved, and wants him to come back for regular yard work and maintenance. Now, we're at Theo's house - a friend of Bert's. Theo is already talking about another friend of his who is interested in hiring Bobbin as well.

This delights me for a number of reasons, but one of the most satisfying is that Farkwad (my brother-in-law, with whom we currently live) calls Bobbin "lazy" and refused to help Bobbin get work through the landscaping company he works for, even though Bobbin is categorically the least lazy person I've ever met in my life... Even when he doesn't have a paid job to go to, he spends his time cleaning the house, the car, doing yard work, chopping wood (back when we lived somewhere where wood needed to be chopped regularly) and whatever else. I feel like this is further evidence that Farkwad's real issue with Bobbin has more to do with his own ableist judgementalism than anything else. He likens Bobbin to an "idiot" because of Bobbin's communication issues (He's loud, hyper, has trouble staying on the subject, keeping his thoughts organized, and whatever else due to Dyslexia, ADHD, and a traumatic brain injury), and calls him "lazy" because his disabilities make it difficult for him to hold down a regular full-time job if it's too structured/strict/lacking in worker autonomy/micro-managed, and I think he is SEVERELY jealous that someone he considers to be stupid and lazy is actually so much better than him in almost every conceivable way lmao. Farkwad is so fucking see-through that the only person who actually sees anything there when they look at him is my sister, Marla, and that's only because she wants to see him as a prince so badly that she makes up fairytales about him in her own head. He's an ignorant little troll.

[thevirgodoll]

hi! i was wondering if you have any tips to stay organized and stay on task? i’ve been doing a short online course this year and have really struggled to ACTUALLY bring myself to do the work, as assignments and lessons are not under any time constraints i just don’t do it. i also have adhd so get bored or distracted easily. do you have any tips for me?

This is really close to me because I also have ADHD. I have both inattentive and hyperactive type. *As a result, this academic tip guide will be a guide for people with ADHD and not neurotypical people, without disability. There is a difference.*

I am doing online as well this semester.

1. I create a schedule. If I do not create a schedule, I will be unproductive the entire day. So, what will help you is to do things in orderly fashion.

For example, at 12p - I will do this assignment/watch this lecture. You have to dictate what time you’re doing everything. Then, you also have to block out technology distractions while you are working. 

-> Even if you’ve gotten halfway through the day with no schedule, write down or block off times on your digital calendar for what you are going to do at each time. ADHD is easier to tackle if you break things down into smaller tasks.

*Pro tip that I almost forgot: before you do anything, wear your day clothes. Don’t wear pajamas. Actually getting dressed or even doing hair/makeup changes things.

2. Download the Forest app after you have created your schedule. I consistently recommend this because it works in increasing productivity. It allows you to set it for however long you’re doing this task, say 30 minutes.

-> Why?: It will block all apps on your phone for (insert time here) to plant a tree, and if you leave the app your “tree” will die. Eventually, the more sessions you do, the more points you will gain to plant different plants, and eventually plant real trees around the world.

3. Have a list (& a planner) as well. Not only is the schedule creating structure, but the list creates even more structure so you know what you need to get done for the day. It also helps you not fall victim to the classic symptom of forgetting. Each day, you should write down what you WANT to get done and create your own times to look at lecture and assignments. Have goals for the day.

For example: complete assignment 2.

If you do not have expectations with yourself before the day begins, your ADHD will kind of take over and do something else. I have structure to my day. I set a timer to wake up at the same time. I take my ADHD medicine 90 minutes before my final wake up time, and I do my morning routine once it kicks in. Having the same routine helps.

-> Focus on your goals. Don’t be super harsh about the times.

-> Don’t overwhelm with how many things on to do list. Again, break it up into small tasks. For example, one part being: Wash dishes or fold laundry. It makes it less overwhelming to your brain and gives you a choice of which task. Typical non ADHD people just tell you to prioritize tasks but that doesn’t work for us. Do it in a random order and it gets the job done.

4. TAKE BREAKS! The other side to this is making sure that you give yourself adequate breaks.

*For hyperfocus, wait til your hyperfocus has started to wear off. Use it to your advantage for peak productivity. It is no joke.*

-> The misconception is that some people with ADHD are lazy and as a result, some ADHDers won’t take breaks. You can take a break. Healthy, long breaks do more for you long term.

-> Have a timer set. For example, after a 45 minute session or an hour session, I will take a break to do another task that has nothing to do with studying, like laundry, eating a snack, or stretching. Then after that task is done, I will go back to studying.

5. Have a workspace. Only do work at this space. I do schoolwork at my living room table and it is perfect. I do not study in my room because that is my sanctuary for relaxation and rest, not productivity. Make an effort to make the workspace clean, with your supplies - laptop, notebooks, pens, etc - readily available.

-> Once I get to my workspace, everything for the morning is already done. I’ve done my morning routine, so all there is left to do is hydrate while I study.

6. Recognize if you have adequate energy to do the task. Sometimes, with ADHD you may neglect your needs. If you are not getting enough rest, here are some tips:

•Bed should be for rest only.

•Blackout curtains

•Lavender essential oil, I have a diffuser but you can also put it on your pillow

•Background noise: pick what you want, lo fi music, rain sounds, binaural beats, singing bowls

•If all else fails, ADHD is often comorbid with other illnesses, meaning you could have a form of depression causing insomnia for example. This should be considered if you are having long term issues and symptoms.

7. Don’t overdo it. We are not neurotypical. Executive dysfunction is real - meaning our brains actually shut down when it perceives a task to be mundane.

-> You do not have to fit everything into one schedule for the sake of being “productive”. Each day should be what you know you can do, and there are different days to tackle different goals.

-> When you feel like you cannot continue, which is literally a symptom of ADHD, sit still for a few minutes.

8. Have a “What I Did Today” List. Because of how ADHD actually makes us feel, we don’t realize how much work we have put in. ADHD actually can be explained easily, we have about 2 dopamine workers showing up to work while most people are at maximum capacity. We are working overtime to do our best, even on medicine. So, acknowledging what we did today is good and encouraging, or at least reflecting in a journal.

9. Play music. It’s recommended to play study music without words because with ADHD we will submerge ourselves into the playlist of nostalgic 90s R&B. I recommend lo fi hip hop on YouTube, video game instrumentals, classical music, or jazz instrumentals. Whatever gets you going just do it!

General ADHD tips:

•Rewrite lecture notes and type the lecture notes.

•Color code with bright colors and pretty drawings or calligraphy

•Instead of telling yourself “I need to take notes” which usually leads to procrastination say “Rewrite lecture notes and emphasize main points” ... this is useful in your to do list but in everyday goals

•Generally try to get your assignments done ahead of time if there is structure to certain courses, if not, again, stick to the schedule. If you slip one day off your schedule then don’t beat yourself up. Breathe!!!

•Side effect of most ADHD meds is that you’re not hungry so buy easy things to eat like muscle milk or yogurt and granola or smoothies so you can sustain yourself

•Get a dry erase board to show what you need to do for the day and put it on the fridge with command strips

•To avoid forgetting things, put them at a table near the door where you leave your apartment/dorm/house.

•Don’t overthink the time it takes to get ready, often that’s why ADHDers are late. Better to be super early than late though - have a routine set so you know how long each task takes - for example “I know a shower takes me 15 mins, washing my face takes 60 seconds and a few more including sunscreen/moisturizer, etc...”

•In that same grain, set timers for going to the bathroom, showering, etc just in case you one day hyperfocus and push yourself too far

•Open the blinds!!!!

•Clean your room and tidy up your space. A cluttered space impacts your mental health in a really negative way. Your space reflects your mental state at times as well, so check in with yourself. Have a specific day where you know you’re going to clean, but ADHD sometimes gives us bursts of cleaning so take advantage of that as well.

•Anytime your water bottle empties refill it. Have your water bottle or mason jar next to your workspace, and drink 5-10 gulps. Seriously. ADHD depends a lot on hydration, especially if you are on medicine which naturally dehydrates you. If you do not stay hydrated, you’ll get that massive headache mid day and crash sooner. A lot of times, lack of productivity can be due to not drinking enough water.

•If you don’t take medication, then sometimes you may notice you love coffee, and that’s because it’s a stimulant. Too much of anything is not good, but balance it with water. If you’re going to use coffee to kinda “medicate” then do it close to when you’re going to be productive.

•Setting yourself up to do a task rather than envisioning the overwhelming act of doing the entire action. “Okay, lets just get up and get the first step down, such as opening the laptop or wetting the toothbrush.” Baby steps.

•Take advantage of accommodations! Your college more than likely has an Office of Disability Services. Also, email your professors...they’re actually just as stressed as you about classes being online.

•Remember that you’re already trying as hard as you can, so don’t listen to the narrative of “try harder”, “you’re *r word*”, “you’re cheating by using medication”, “just do it,” “it’s easy,” “what’s so hard about it?” or “you’re lazy”. Anyone telling you that, even yourself, is wrong. And DO NOT allow anyone to be ableist, even yourself.

•Validate yourself. Don’t let anyone to do the “I experience that too”/“I know what you mean”/“we ALL have trouble with this!” and they don’t have ADHD. No. It’s our experience, it’s valid, and unlike anything on the planet. If you’re reading this and you don’t have ADHD - no, you do not experience any of the things in my next bullet point.

•Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble along the way getting this right. ADHD completely changes your executive functioning.

We see the task, but our brain blocks it.

We have something marked down as “important” but our brain tosses it out in the “trash”.

We watch an entire episode of a show, but our brain ignored the entire thing. Our brain picks and chooses what is stimulating, our brain changes our interests.

We have sensory overload, we have no dopamine, we have bursts of curiosity that cannot be contained (often inconvenient) and if interrupted, our brains cannot take it.

People often discount how many things ADHD actually changes because it’s widely misunderstood. I want to take the time to acknowledge that ADHD, formerly known as simply ADD, has different types: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, or combined which is what I have. So it’s not “hyper” and “relatable”. It is also not a buzzword to use to describe things. I must put stereotypes and misrepresentations of ADHD to rest.

It impacts us emotionally as well, which most people don’t know... such as rejection dysphoria — extreme sensitivity to being criticized to where our brains self destruct. Our brains don’t regulate emotions well.

ADHDers - do not fall victim to how everyone else operates and call yourself a failure. We have to work twice as hard and the results actually come out brilliant especially with our determination and imaginative ideas that are also seen in autistic individuals, honorable mention!

There’s good days and bad days. There’s literal changes in thinking that other people do not experience. We all collectively know wouldn’t be who we are without ADHD, but we all recognize the challenges. However, it makes me happy to see messages like this so that I can make a difference and hopefully help one person with ADHD, especially of color, at a time stop being so hard on themselves. 💗

[asterekmess]

Werewolves and Why I Love Them

So, hi, my name is Tali and I’m a werewolf addict.

I’ve been pretty much obsessed with werewolves since right around the time I turned twelve. The entirety of Teen Wolf aside, I’ve loved them for years. I wrote my first novel about them. I dream about them regularly (like two days ago, for instance). The majority of my original fiction is about werewolves.

For the longest time I honestly didn’t understand why I loved them so much. I mean sure, I’m in love with nighttime and am fucking entranced by full moons. I guess that helps. But it always felt like so much more than that, to the point that I used to wish desperately that I would find out I was a secret werewolf and just hadn’t changed yet, in the same way other kids wished they had magic powers. My husband and I joke pretty often about how I’m just a lil more wolfy than is probably normal. Or catlike, we can never decide.

There’s a reason for that, that I’ve found makes so much fucking sense???

I’m neurodivergent. Specifically, I have ADHD. I’ve always had it, bc that’s how it works, but you’d be surprised at how much elementary school’s strict structuring and constant supervision can keep a people-pleasing, terrified of rejection, neurodivergent kid under control. I masked most of my symptoms and I masked them well. Even at home, to the point that although I was diagnosed really young, my mother was insistent that I had no need for medication or therapy to help me deal with the altered development of my brain.

Then came middle school and my rebellious stage, where I finally stopped acting the way other people wanted me to act. Boom. ADHD symptoms galore, and my mother was flabbergasted. I was about Twelve.

Cue the werewolf obsession.

It was only once I started learning about all the symptoms I’d just assumed everybody was dealing with and figured out how to examine the ways that my neurological disorder effected my life, that it all started to make so much more sense.

Dude, werewolves are basically hyped up embodiments of ADHD.

Now, do not misinterpret me. I’m not comparing ADHD people to dogs or animals of any kind. That’s not what this is about.

This is about werewolves being almost painfully realistic representations of many ADHD symptoms from inside the ADHD person’s head.

You see ADHD people onscreen rarely, and usually when they show up they’re presented in much the same way Stiles is in the first episode. Jumpy, Distracted, Hyperactive, Addicted to meds. It sucks. And even when there is good representation, what the audience sees is almost always the neurotypical point of view rather than the pov of the actual ADHD person. You see them doing things for seemingly no reason, reacting to nothing or getting worked up over tiny things. Even the good rep doesn’t really encapsulate what it’s like to be inside that person’s head.

In my experience, werewolves get that shit right, even though it’s on accident.

There are so many things we relate to werewolves that actually express ADHD symptoms incredibly well.

Noticing sounds that other people can’t hear. (The buzz of a lightbulb or the hum of the fridge)

Getting hopeless distracted by other people’s conversations, even if they’re all the way across the room, just because you latched onto their voice.

Having strong reactions to scents and tastes and textures, that leave you nauseous around certain foods and keep you from being able to walk through the chemical aisle at Wal-mart (or is that just me?).

Impulsivity that makes you do things even you can’t fully understand, including things that you didn’t actually want to do.

Emotions that run so high you don’t know what to do with yourself.

That constant buzzing under the skin that says be more do more be more do more until you just want to run until you exhaust yourself.

Zoning out and losing literally all sense of time, occasionally with a bout of memory loss.

Constantly being on guard in public and adjusting everything from your behavior to your personality just so you can seem “normal.” Until it’s like you’re two different people.

Being unable to properly express yourself with words and it getting so fucking frustrating that you want to just growl and bite and scream (howl) to make them back off until you can think again.

Having things about yourself that some people call gifts but that others call a curse and not knowing which one to believe.

Right down to routines (wolves are on a monthly routine) and meditation or focal points (anchors) being the only way to deal with the sensory overload and calm yourself down.

Lots of ADHD people I know are really tactile. It makes perfect sense. Touch releases happy chemicals and we are perpetually lacking the happy chemicals. I myself love tactility, if only from literally one person. The concept of “puppy piles” is so fucking nice I can’t even describe it. It gives me a fucking serotonin high just thinking about it.

The reassurance that the concept of “packs” brings, a community of people just like you who accept you and let you be yourself? People who will accommodate you without blaming you for making their lives more difficult? That is so much harder to find than you think, even amongst other neurodivergent people.

Not to mention, when a werewolf freaks out about the loud noise or jumps at the slam of a door across the house? People just accept it. No one questions it, cus’ “They’re a werewolf.”

Werewolf shows or books or fanfic show a werewolf acting in a way that ‘normal’ people would find incredibly weird, but from their point of view. They let the audience hear the noise that made the wolf react. They alter the lens (sometimes really badly) so that you get a visual representation of the wolf’s vision tunneling so they only think about that one thing right now and none of the rest of the world matters.

No calling them ‘obsessed’ or ‘sensitive’ or ‘paranoid.’ No viewing them as ‘That annoying character who freaks out at nothing.’ Now the audience can see the cacophany of having that mindset and those feelings. They actually understand.

When I read about werewolves, I feel like I’m reading my own fucking thoughts. Yes, my dude, I totally feel you. The squeak of that person’s brakes might not bother anyone else because they can tune it out, but you can’t and it feels like the loudest sound in the world. No one else can smell that scent on the bed or the couch from like three weeks ago, but by god it’ll give you a fucking headache when you’re trying to sleep. Running off all that energy must be nice. I too lose my temper at the tiniest things for no discernible reason and have feelings so intense that I can’t breathe. I feel you about there being too much going on all the time, and I can’t get my homework done either.

It’s no fucking wonder that Stiles fits in so well with werewolves.

For ages I thought I was a total freak for being so obsessed with werewolves, but it’s just because I relate to them so damn much. Mystery solved, I can go back to my fanfic in peace.

Tldr; Werewolves are good ADHD rep and you won’t change my mind.

[malachi-walker]

Hello and happy new year!!! I hope you’re having a great one :) I’ve read (and reread) Rhythm and Blues for months and as much as it deals with trauma, abuse, and mental health problems, all your fics turned into go-to novels for me on particularly bad days. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing such a lovely and poignant gift for us readers. Not only is it addicting to read, but also incredibly cathartic.

Sorry I rambled :”) but I got really curious so I have to ask: is Adora’s love for Shostakovich a deliberate choice? I love his works too and it’s one of many many things I relate with Adora to. Even if it doesn’t have any underlying meanings, it’s so spot on with her personality so it kinda blew my mind when I first read it.

This is turning into a mini essay for a really simple question so I’ll stop. Even if you don’t answer this. I have to give the praise your works deserve so thank you again for your beautiful and absolutely brilliant fic. I wish to you and your loved ones all the best :)

Aww... Thank you for the kind words (and happy new year to you too!)

And to answer your question, yes! Shostakovich was a deliberate choice because his body of work matches Adora's compositional style very well, including the use of quotations and another area of overlap is they're both primarily structuralists who use their deviations from form to say something in particular. That's also why she studies up on him in her free time. Adora's a huge nerd about structure and form, but it's not because she's lacking in creativity or ability to think outside the box (much like Shostakovich himself), but because she uses it to bring structure to the often chaotic inside of her head. (I'm not a musician, but I do write poetry and tend to stick to formal structures and rhyming for the exact same reason because it soothes my adhd brain.)

Also my apologies for taking a while. Very busy, but I was thinking about this, and I hope the answer satisfies you! :D

[missmentelle]

How do you deal with your ADHD without meds?

With a combination of caffeine, compensatory strategies, and technology. 

Many people assume that ADHD is the result of an over-active brain, but ADHD actually results from an under-active brain - the part of my brain that regulates my attention and cognitive resources does not run at full capacity, which makes it extremely difficult for me to properly allocate my cognitive resources and avoid distractions. My brain is like a boat with an under-powered engine - I can still move forward just like everybody else, but it takes a lot less force to make me drift off course.This is why ADHD is treated with stimulant medication. Stimulants “power up” the part of my brain that is lacking, so to speak, and allow me to regulate my attention like everybody else. Caffeine is a stimulant, and although it’s nowhere near as powerful as a prescription stimulant, it has a similar (but weaker) effect on me. So I drink coffee all goddamn day. I drink it to focus at work, and I drink it in the evening when I am blogging/writing fiction/working on art. Because of my ADHD, coffee does not make me jittery or prevent me from sleeping - on the contrary, it calms me down and helps me to focus. I’m fully addicted to it - I get wicked headaches from caffeine withdrawal if I try to go a full day without it - but for me personally, it’s worth it for the focusing effect. 

I also have to purposely find strategies to work around my ADHD, which can mean adjusting my life in both big and small ways. I use a Bullet Journal to keep track of things, because I can customize it in ways that make sense for my life and my brain. All of my houseplants are cacti that thrive on neglect. I love dogs, and having a dog of my own is super important to me, but I don’t realistically have the ability to take care of a dog that needs hours of walks and exercise and grooming every day - so I have a small, anxious, short-haired chihuahua that sleeps most of the day and needs only two short walks around the block for exercise. On a more dramatic note, I struggle with punctuality and getting up in the mornings, so I chose a career and an employer where I have some flexibility in my start times and a fast-paced, somewhat unpredictable environment with a lot of ability to control what I do each day - if I had to work in a highly regimented, structured job with strict start times (teacher, lawyer, etc) I would flounder. My choice of partner is also important for managing my ADHD - I struggled a lot more when I had a very mentally ill partner who required a lot of caretaking, as this greatly increased the number of tasks I needed to juggle. I now have a very high-functioning partner who is happy to divide labour in ways that work for me. 

I also take advantage of the technology that is available to me. I have a Google Home, which lets me set reminders and alarms verbally without having to actually stop what I’m doing to bring up an app and type something in - the device also tells me about public transit delays every morning so I know if I need to leave earlier, and it can locate my phone, which I am constantly setting down and misplacing. I use organization and to-do apps to make sure essential tasks are getting done, especially at work, and I rely heavily on Google calendar to map out deadlines and events. My bill payments are largely automated, and a lot of the essential things I need to buy on a regular basis (pet supplies, basic toiletries, etc) are set up to automatically re-order. Technology was meant to make our lives easier, and I try to use it to its fullest capacity to work around my ADHD. I can definitely still tell that I have symptoms, but at the moment, I am able to satisfactorily manage the condition without medication. This strategies may not work for everyone, but for me at least, they allow me to function at a similar level to my non-ADHD peers. Hope this answers your question!Miss Mentelle

[adhdstudybitch]

Practical Tips for ADHD College Students

I know a few posts like this already exist, but I wanted to add my own experiences to the mix in case it would be helpful to someone else. Some of these will look familiar, some not so much.

Disclaimers: 1) What works for me may not work for you, take everything with a grain of salt and experiment, 2) These are what I’m using for a 4-year school but I imagine it would be applicable for any college? I wish I’d known to do some of these things when I was at CC, 3) I won’t pretend that I am an ADHD success story, not yet. I’m still finding my way, learning to cope, learning to thrive. It’s a process.

NOTE: This post is kinda long; if it’s too long I recommend just reading the bolded/italicized headings and only reading the ones that pique your interest :)

Sensory Issues:

Wear comfortable clothing: Screw the mentality that you always have to look your best in college. At the end of the day, feeling hot but ridiculously uncomfortable will trigger sensory issues (especially if you’re someone who is sensitive to certain materials/styles of clothing) and it will impact concentration and can cause a lot of distress. Are you comfortable in those sweatpants, pajama bottoms, baggy shirts? Cool, wear them. 

Stim toys: Love yourself, buy (or make!) stim toys and bring them to school. Can’t speak for CC because I didn’t use stim toys when I went, but at my 4-year school everyone is too busy drowning in deadlines to notice you squishing thinking putty or using a fidget cube under the table. 

Try different stim toys: I used to get caught up on trying to make the more popular stim toys work for me when they didn’t, so I had to experiment a bit to see what worked. It’s not always as simple as cubes, spinners, squishy toys, etc. If you have issues with texture you’ll want to really experiment, especially with things like putty, squishibles, etc. to see what is comfortable and what isn’t. But there’s a big ol’ market out there!

Headphones/Earplugs: The single most helpful sensory detail for me was always bringing my headphones to campus. I get easily overstimulated in uncontrolled situations with lots of different sounds. I make sure my volume is enough to block the noise out, but the songs I choose in these instances are usually familiar, so they don’t provide too much new stimulation when I can’t handle it. I also keep earplugs in my backpack for exams.

Studying/School Related:

If possible, leave your house: This has been one of the hardest changes I’ve had to make because I’m an introvert and genuinely prefer being home. But I’m starting to learn that my ass will not do work 9/10 times when I’m home. Too much to do, too many other things to get done, lots of fun distractions, and cats! So many cats! Unfortunately cats won’t take my exams. I’ve found that the library is okay, but for me small cafes worked much better. Armed with my headphones, some coffee, and an atmosphere that caters to silently getting work done, I’m able to focus longer, and to focus on what I really need to.

Note-taker: Admittedly I’m talking out of my ass on this one, because I haven’t yet done this. But that’s exactly why I want to stress getting a note-taker. My college life would be infinitely better if I’d done this when the semester started; instead, my notes have gaps where I couldn’t concentrate, or couldn’t process what was being discussed, etc. 

Other accommodations: Accommodations for ADHD differ depending on the college, but some of the common ones are: note-takers, silent exam spaces, assignment extensions, and use of tech such as recorders, speech-to-text software... If you’re like I was and are worried that you’re asking too much asking for accommodations, remember two important things: 1) Accommodations exist to level the playing field, not to give us an edge, and 2) YOU PAY FOR THIS SERVICES. That huge, overwhelming tuition bill with all those “extra fees”? You’re paying for these services already, might as well take advantage of them!

Talk to your professors: This part is truly terrifying for me, but I’ve started opening up this semester to my professors and it has made a difference. The professor for my hardest class actually has a son with adhd so she understood and was even able to provide me with some resources that would help. At the very least, it made my professors aware of my struggles and aware that I wasn’t just being lazy, which calmed my RSD a bit.

Organization: Staying organized is important for any college student, but especially for those with adhd. We lose things a lot, and if things aren’t in obvious, constant places it becomes so much easier to lose or forget where we put things. That being said, your ‘organized’ will probably not be other peoples ‘organized’. For example, I use my Ipsy bags for organization. One holds any writing utensils, flashcards, and post-its, another holds anything medical-related, etc. It seems a bit cluttered and disorganized to other people but it works for me. So try keeping things in the same spot if possible, but remember that finding what organizational structures work for you might take time and effort. If your school has success coaching, I highly recommend it for this purpose! Which brings me to the next point.

Success Coaching: Most colleges offer some kind of program like this, though names may differ. Success Coaching is designed for students of any academic level in order to help them get and stay on track. My college offers study skills, schedule planning, test prep, time management, help navigating campus resources, and a whole host of others. And the people doing the coaching are usually grad students who’ve been through the process. They’re typically trained in working with students with adhd, because that tends to be a significant portion of their students. They’re also just really nice to talk to. Almost like a therapist, but not quite.

Really forgetful? The best thing you can do is change your environment, not try to change yourself. You probably won’t be able to stop your brain from forgetting your notebook at home, but you can get a five subject and keep it in your backpack at all times. Same with folders. Keep losing pens/pencils? Just get a fuckton and shove them in a pouch in your backpack in the beginning of the semester. I’m not kidding when I say I have at least 20 pens and pencils in mine, not including the glitter pens and highlighters. 

Planners: Many people have said that it will take time to find just the right planner for you, and they’re correct. The planner I use right now is 8x11 with wide boxes. Some prefer smaller planners, others will use planner apps or just the calendar in their phone. You’ll have to mess around a bit to see what works for you, but you do have options!

Printables: Oh man I love printables so much, but a lot of the time I find that they’re more trouble maintaining than my adhd can handle. You can find a ton on tumblr, free to download and print, and some very beautiful packs for sale on etsy. Right now I use a monthly budget printable and one for studying terms/definitions. Sometimes the adhd mind needs something pretty and different to cling to, so I try to switch things up every so often.

Color-coding: This absolutely will not work for everyone (I’ve seen people say color-coding notes gets the hung up on the coding and not the notes, and I can definitely see that happening). For me, I use color-coding in my planner. Each class gets its own color. This keeps me from seeing a page covered in the same color of ink or pencil and mentally blocking it out. Gelly roll has the most amazing glitter pens!

Test prep: Will vary depending on the person and how they learn best, but for me I’ve found that no one method will work on its own. I have class notes, typed notes, hand-written flashcards, flashcards on quizlet. I won’t pretend that it’s easy; it’s fuck-all time consuming and sometimes I don’t have energy for it, but depending on the class I usually need a combination of at least two different methods to work. This is definitely something success coaching can work with you to figure out!

General Life Advice (that will impact college):

Get on a sleep schedule: I don’t even care what your particular schedule is (because it’ll vary person to person) but just get on one. Much easier said than done, because our brains never want to shut up at night, but lack of a consistent sleep schedule will mess with your concentration, focus, hypersensitivity, etc. 

I’ll just do this later...: is the adhd monster talking. What even is later? Does it exist? Sometimes I have to tell myself “nope, we’re doing this right now!” Doesn’t always work, but I try my hardest to do things in the moment if executive dysfunction isn’t at my door.

Develop a support system: This can be difficult because sometimes making and maintaining friendships with adhd can be hard, and sometimes family members aren’t very receptive or supportive. But a strong support system can make all the difference in the world! If your current friends don’t understand the extent of what you’re dealing with, send some resources their way and you might be surprised how fast they get in your corner. But sometimes people without adhd just don’t get it. If your college has a meet-up for students with adhd like mine does, this is a great place to meet like-minded students who understand what you’re going through and can provide support and advice! 

I’m going to stop this here because it’s already too long, but I hope this is helpful to someone and I’d love it if you could add your own tips as well! 

[betweenlands]

What do you headcanon living spaces/houses in the betweenlands to be like? Where would they be located?

OKAY. so this ask has been sitting in the inbox for a WHILE and there’s a really, really good reason for that - our adhd brain took this, thought about the canon ruins we see all throughout the betweenlands, and went apeshit. i mean, like, went-and-took-screencaps-for-two-hours apeshit.

tl;dr - the requirements are not what you’d think! build low to the ground and outwards.

SO! living spaces in the betweenlands! this is a really interesting question ‘coz we actually see some ruins in the betweenlands proper as part of the formation, and there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can glean from ‘em. keep in mind that i’m approaching this from the POV of “swamp hell has always been swamp hell, the prime wight just made it Worse”

for starters, there’s a couple of places that clearly were never living spaces, so i won’t be going over those - shrines, any natural formations like tar pits or portal trees, idol heads and menhir.

anyway, let’s take a look at the first big thing - the ruins!

i’m gonna call these “crumbled ruins.” note that you can’t tell much about them other than that a lot of the ones still standing are single pillars or arches.

these, on the other hand, are undeniably the ruins of houses. which brings up something interesting - arches are still standing, though the wood and flooring is usually partially missing. interestingly enough, the ruins in the sludge plains are way more immediately identifiable as small homes:

there’s not really a lot else they could be, is there? what’s interesting is how well these stood the test of time versus the other ruins above. could be that mud brick makes better building material than betweenstone, but i think it’s also worth noting that these are short and squat.

now, this may normally be inadvisable building advice in a swampland, but let’s go underground.

huh. that’s… still standing, even though it lacks the usual arch structure. worth noting that i really got bum luck screencapping these, i’ve seen way more complete underground ruins as well. now, again, could just be pitstone being a stronger building material, except… let me introduce you to the sludgeon complex.

the tower itself is actually pretty squat, consisting of two floors with rotting wood stairs and a top that has a weird ritual area that starts the laser puzzle to get downstairs. that’s right, downstairs. because it turns out, the sludgeon is way bigger underneath…

huh. would ya look at that. arches.

i know some people would probably retort that the sludgeon catacombs aren’t really designed to be living spaces and are instead intended to be a dungeon, but also there’s a surprising amount of detail you can find in the catacombs!

like shelves! these guys have actual, standing shelves! that’s how well the complex is preserved! holy moly, it seems like underground might… actually be a better building space than aboveground, which is strange given that this is a marshland. 

i also wanna point out that the wight fortress, which is a stable structure (unlike the cragrock towers, which actively crumble), is under half the size of a giant weedwood tree:

which is… interesting, and i think enough to come to my conclusion - we’re looking at a dimension that probably isn’t conducive to tall buildings for some reason, but underground - despite the entire dimension being Swamp Hell - is a lot more stable and tends to preserve itself better. i’m guessing here, but this could possibly mean that the betweenlands see frequent high winds (hence the squat buildings and underground complexes) and/or magical earthquakes (hence the repeated arch in surviving architecture). that’s certainly not expected from a swampy dimension at all!

your best bet for making your own house that’d fit into the environment may well be hollowing out a giant weedwood or a series of regular weedwoods, build sturdy basements and make sure tall things have a lot of bracing. i could also see a more sprawling, squat complex fitting into the area. as for floating structures, i can’t stop you, but i have no canon evidence that it’d be possible for everyday betweenlands residents to make things like that.

anyway thanks for coming to my TED swamp

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Should I (25F) break up with boyfriend (29M)?

We’ve been together 5 years. We were together 1 year, then had a LDR for 2 years, then lived together for 1 year, followed by another 1 year LDR (we went to different universities after the first year going out). My doubt in the relationship began while living with him, when I noticed my sex drive for him went to zero. This could be because we had been long distance for 2 years and I was used to not having sex regularly. I feel it was also a mix of different reasons: 

He is disorganised while I am organised. His disorganisation in both his life and personal space stresses me out leading me to have to take responsibility to organise things in both circumstances. He is clean in other areas of the house however.

He is quick to anger /sarcasm/insults/debate. He does this to everyone, and I don’t think he means bad by it, it’s just a personality trait but can be grating when you’re exposed to it everyday. I am not argumentative by nature and find the constant sarcastic remarks demeaning. He also gets very angry when playing games.

He is a hypochondriac complete with having constant pains doctors cannot diagnose. This means he is often complaining about this health (real or not, who knows) and sometimes means we cannot enjoy going out. I’d say 70% of our conversations involve his health.

Can be annoying in social situations. I actually prefer social situations when he is not around; he is an extrovert and outgoing, and talks A LOT. But, it’s to the point that he dominates the conversation and as I am quite quiet means when I do want to say something or get involved, it’s more difficult. Although, I also appreciate he can fill in silence.

He may have a gaming addiction. I also like gaming, but not the point it dominates my life. He always wants to play or is playing, even when we are cooking meaning we don’t talk. That being said I am more of a film-lover and like to discuss films and art - he does not have this interest so I don’t have a outlet for this interest with him, including the fact we don’t like the same films apart from sci-fi/fantasy/mainstream cinema.

Some of these things are just personality traits that I see present in his other family members (disorganised, sarcastic, talkative), and I don’t think they can be resolved. That being said, he also has good qualities: caring, loyal, likes to cuddle, likes to travel, enjoys sci-fi, likes to cook and try different food, can be very cute/funny when we are alone (I do not find his humour when we are around other people funny however), I enjoy gaming with him (apart from the above), he is intelligent, likes animals & the environment, cares about his health and exercises.

My doubt in the relationship grew while living together as said, and again when we have been apart due to COVID. I am an introvert and have been really enjoying this time apart – I have doing things I haven’t been able to do while doing my studies and hanging out with him, particularly as he doesn’t really enjoy alone time. I have not missed him at all. Sometimes, I feel like my life is put on hold when we hang out because we have to decide what to do together, as you do in a relationship. We usually end up gaming or compromising on something to watch. I feel like I have been ‘finding myself’ again and realised sometimes I feel like a weaker version of myself when I’m around him.  

I feel confused because for the most part he is a great guy, we’ve been through a lot together and there isn’t one big thing that is making me feel we should break up, it’s lots of small things. Sometimes I feel in my gut I do want to break up, while other times i’m not sure if that’s just my stupid 25-year-old brain talking and that i’d be missing out on a good guy. That being said, I feel anxious about the idea of us moving in together due to his disorganisation/messiness and the lack of ‘me’ time.

I would really appreciate any advice i.e. do you think i’m ‘settling’? there are so many small issues, some of which I don’t feel will change - what is a tolerable amount of negatives in a partner? how do you know if you love a long-term partner romantically vs. as just a person/friend?

____________

I want to say right from the start that this is a really fun and engaging question. Why? Because it has a LOT of moving parts to it, and also, because it's very clear that you have approached writing this message to me with a lot of thought and maturity. I know how easy it is for someone to just spam-type a message in a fit of concern and panic. Sometimes people need that, they just need to spit out their feelings to someone else, and then get a response, and then they feel better. But it's clear that for you, this issue is serious, you have a lot of concern wrapped up in it, and you want a proper resolution to this, and it seems you're happy with any resolution you get as long as it feels like it's guiding you. So let's try to find something.

Firstly, I want to say that you're perfectly valid in your understanding is very valid. One thing that struck me is that you said that you believe that there's no big problem, but instead, it's a lot of small problems that are bringing you to feeling the way you do. And that's okay. It can sometimes feel selfish to say that it's just the little stuff. When you hear someone say, "Oh my partner is abusive," your brain thinks, "Oh yeah, they should definitely leave." They might say, "My boyfriend is alcoholic and ruining his life," YO GET OUT OF THAT BAD RELATIONSHIP. But then you look at your own, and think, what is my partner doing wrong? "Well, it's not one thing or the other, but a million small things." You say that and then think, "Well that's not fair. I mean he has his faults, but don't we all?"

That sort of thinking justifies us settling, which is the other point you raised. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that settling down isn't a bad thing. That's actually a very positive quality! But if we're settling with someone who doesn't actually, truly make us happy, that is where any anxiety around settling actually comes from. Okay, but is he a bad person? Is he not making us happy? That's harder to answer, which is why you're so concerned about it. It sucks, because the answer is not as easy as you want it to be, so it creates more uncertainty about your actions.

What do? Well, let's try to work through some of these issues and see what can actually be changed, and what topics are more difficult.

He's disorganized.

I can definitely understand how frustrating and stressful it might be to be in a messy place. I'm definitely that unorganized dude, and I know it's pretty bad compared to most people. There are a lot of reasons people are disorganized, and there are a lot of different levels to that disorganization. For instance, most people who see my house would probably say, "JESUS THAT'S FILTHY HOW DO YOU LIVE," but for me, it doesn't bother me at all, because I don't care about it. But although my cleaning habits are poor, my organization is extremely high. Not everything is in the perfect place, but I know where everything is, and if you said, "I need a screwdriver" or "where are your car keys," I'd have an immediate answer for you. Although I'm disorganized with cleaning, it doesn't meaningfully impact my life.

So the question comes: is your boyfriend just bad at cleaning like me, but is actually quite structured and organized; or, is his disorganization affecting him. Does he lose things frequently? Is he not sure where things belong, even to himself? Is he the sort of person who just puts something down and immediately forgets it? It's all nuanced, so you have to diagnose this yourself.

What I can say to all of this, however, is that disorganization is very fixable. I don't clean due to my depression and ADHD making me not want to; it's all mental. But if I had someone whip me and make me clean, that's a thing that inspires me. I don't care of my space is messy, but I care if someone else thinks it is. What inspires your partner is different from me, but I think this issue is fixable, because you have the power to instill good habits in them.

What you need to do is SHOW THEM how to be more clean and organized, and then emphasize when they aren't organized. Like I said about my situation, I don't personally care when things get messy. I need to be reminded, because my mind doesn't see the mess. This is likely true of your partner as well, so be his eyes; let him know when things are disorganized, and start showing him gently how to be more organized. "Gaming stuff should be by the TV/computer, no dishes or cups outside of the kitchen unless you're actually using them, no clothes on the floor ever." Simple stuff like this can hopefully make his brain go, "Oh, yeah, good idea," and he will just do them. Again, HOPEFULLY, it's not that he's just a wastrel who likes litter in his house, but that his brain doesn't realize it's messy. Instilling in him these better habits could potentially change his behaviour, as long as you exercise both gentleness and firmness in equal regard.

He is quick to anger, sarcasm, insults, and debate.

This is a bit trickier. This is one one of those things that is harder to influence, as you imagined, because it's more of his actual personality. But there are several facets to this, some that are easier to change, and some that are harder to affect. For instance, you say that you aren't argumentative by nature, but he is. They key here is, are you engaging in his arguments? Sometimes arguments have value, but you need to determine the value on the fly when the argument is occurring. If you ever find yourself disconnecting or getting upset over an argument that's occuring, you need to put your foot down and say,

"Listen, I'm sorry, but I don't want to argue. Can we talk about this when we've had a moment to relax?" or "I don't want to fight with you, I'm sorry. Can we just let this one go?" Trying to deescalate situations like this can often stop arguments in their tracks. Again, to compare myself to your partner, I trend toward being argumentative. There are lots of reasons for that, but it's just how it is for me. I don't mean harm by it. But that also means sometimes I don't realize when I'm arguing. If someone says "hey, chill" to me mid-argument, I stop and reflect on what I'm doing. I ask if the argument is worth it, and if it is, I let them know, and if it's not, I apologize and back off. Try to see if these tactics work with your partner.

Same with the sarcasm. Sarcasm seems to come naturally to him. But if you find it demeaning, that's no good! You should allow him to use sarcasm sometimes, particularly when it's harmless statements. But if you are actively upset by something sarcastic he has said, you should let him know. "That wasn't nice. I would like an apology." If he says IT'S JUST SARCASM, just be calm and say, "I know, but it still upset me. I would like an apology." He'll either throw a temper tantrum or apologize, and whichever action he takes says a lot about him.

The anger, however, is likely more of an inherent part of himself. You can control arguments, and you can control sarcasm, but for many, anger is a lot harder to control. The reason I can make this assumption is because your partner gets mad at lots of things. It's not just mad at you, but it's also mad in his games. There's no harm in getting mad at a game, especially if you care about it. But there is a degree where that anger because worrisome and dangerous. You can't do much about that if that anger is directed at you, except for the strategies I've already given you. If he is angry at you, stay calm, and deescalate. "I'm sorry, I don't really want to talk to you while you're angry. Let's take a moment and collect ourselves." Letting him step away from the conversation will force him to cool off, and whatever was being said in the heat of the moment will probably evaporate along with the anger.

He's a hypochondriac.

Here's the short section. THIS IS NOT FIXABLE. This is a mental disorder, through and through, and you can't fix this. Try to understand that this isn't his fault - it's literally his brain making him think he's sick. And it's not actually just his brain that is thinking this. When he is sick, or when he says he's sick, HE IS ACTUALLY SICK. If he says, "I have a new disorder, it causes me migraines," and he shows symptoms of migraines, HE IS ACTUALLY HAVING MIGRAINES. It's not like he's totally faking this.

The "faking it" is part of the disorder, because people who struggle with hypochondria have learned over time that if they feel ill, and go to the doctor, they get positive attention from this, and that makes them feel good. But many also suffer from what is known as a "nocebo effect." It's a thing similar to the placebo effect, but it means the person feels something EVEN IF THAT THING IS PROVABLY NOT REAL. The thing that is causing the problem may not be real, but the symptoms are VERY REAL and VERY PAINFUL. So even if it seems frustrating, try not to dismiss his pain or symptoms, because he likely does believe those symptoms are real and does struggle with them. Check out this video for more info on the nocebo effect.

https://youtu.be/O2hO4_UEe-4

The key here is, regardless of whether you stay with him or not, if you believe that he is actively suffering with hypochondria, you should try to push him to go see a therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is VERY effective at treating hypochondria, and will benefit him a lot.

He can be annoying in social situations.

Again, this is an issue that you can't really affect, and I'm not gonna spend much time here. He's a social, extroverted dude. He also has a dominant personality, from how you describe. Naturally, he dominates the conversation. If you feel you're being left out of a conversation, all you can really do is make yourself known. Maybe you're shy or meek, I don't know. But even the quietest person has to talk sometime, and if you feel you're being left behind, GET LOUD!

Not much else to say in terms of your relationship though. If he's extroverted, that's not actually a problem. You're just introverted and conflict with this more outgoing personality type.

He may have gaming addiction.

For me, I'm not entirely convinced that gaming addiction is a thing. There are studies back and forth proving its legitimacy, and while some organizations believe in gaming addiction (source: https://www.npr.org/2019/05/28/727585904/is-gaming-disorder-an-illness-the-who-says-yes-adding-it-to-its-list-of-diseases), others disagree with that perception (source: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/internet-gaming), and I tend to fall in that disagreement camp.

I ain't no medical expert. But also being a gamer, and definitely entering some really bad times in my life where gaming dominated a lot of my activities, I never felt like I was addicted to gaming. The time when I was young and would pull all-nighters playing games and not focusing on my school work? That wasn't the games causing the problem; I was using the games to avoid depression and fear of disappointment; it was a solution, but a compulsive solution, because the games made me feel better while ignoring my IRL problems. In that extent, it's no different from gambling, "sex addiction," hoarding, and shopping. All of these have various different medical classifications for addiction, but again, I ain't no doctor, and that's a digression.

The point being here is that from my perspective, it really depends on how much his gaming habits are affecting his IRL life. We know he's disorganized and unclean; is that because he plays games too much, or is it because he is naturally that way? Good question. How often does he game? Several hours a day, most of the day, or literally non-stop? Even if someone plays many hours a day, that's still not indicative of a bad situation. However, does he continue playing games even when he should be doing other things, like working, or paying his bills, or sleeping, or such? You mention he even plays games while cooking, and THAT is a legitimate concern in the favour that he may be suffering from a compulsive behavior.

What to do about this? It's difficult to say. You can try to help him realize that he might be going a little too far with his gaming. You can also emphasize that you want more time spent with him while he's not gaming. "I want ' us time,' so let's turn off the game for a bit." If he's not willing to, that's a bad sign. If you think this issue might be too big for you, then it's best to direct him to a therapist for such issues, especially as said, if it's directly impacting his life in negative ways, and not actually bringing him any real enjoyment in life. _________ So, what do?

Well, that's really up to you. You have expressed that being apart from him now has made you really happy. You haven't missed him at all. You're "finding yourself," and that's awesome.

Should you be with this person? That's hard to say? Are you settling for someone "less-than?" That's also hard to say. There aren't right or wrong answers to this sort of thing, and you kinda have to determine that for yourself based on the information in front of you.

I listed a lot of his problems, and a lot of potential solutions. But do you want to help him conquer those issues? Are you willing to put through that effort? Or are you just kinda tired and bored of dealing with this for so long? Would you be willing to move on and date other people one day? Or does this person actually bring joy to your life because of your shared interests? There are no right answers there.

That's why I think the best course of action is would be to see how much you are willing to change, and then through your action, see how much you are able to change. You only have so much influence in his life, but if you CAN influence his life for the better for both of you, that would be awesome.

What is a tolerable amount of negatives? Again, that's a very personal question, and your answer to that may change dramatically based on the situation. Do you feel like the current amount of negatives outweigh the positives? If yes, try to reduce the negatives as much as possible; if no, then you're probably on the right track, you're just experiencing a bump in the road.

[im-0-kay]

Ahhh I just processed stuff and relised stuff and I do t know how to bring it up cuz I don't want to upset and it's all my fault.

I'm a realtivly horny person (even tho I'm like 90% sure I'm gray ace or something) 😂

And I love sex !!! Reading about it!! Doing it!! It's fun and interesting and sensory stuff!!!

I find kinky sex, esspicly sub/Dom stuff, incredbly tied to romance and trust so like duh I wanna do stuff with my datemate... (If and when she wants to). I also loved how structured our... Funn time was cuz it was on the same couple of days each week witch ment I knew what to expect (so there for I could relax and non expect it all whitch made both ASD brain and ADHD brain vey happy).

Also I lovvveee feeling like I'm hers!!!

I even made us keychains with 'daddy' and 'slut' on cuz like I'm dumb and I'm in love.

But like a few weeks ago we were doing stuff online and she diddn't tell me when she wanted to stop (if it wasn't for the anxiey my mum had given me that morning I probbly of not thought twice about it) and since then I've really struggled to talk to her about that sort of thing even tho I've been really missing it and the lack of it is... Not the best.

It's wierd and dumb and I don't know how to explain it but...

I dunno I know I need to get over it but I don't know how and with everything else at the moment I'm terrified it's just gonna add to the fire burning down everything good I've got left....

[thevirgodoll]

Is it possible to be neuro-typical and still have mental health obstacles/issues? Like honestly…I am AWFUL at self-discipline. I lack focus and sometimes I have to force myself to finish things (even if last minute). But, I genuinely, truly, deeply at the bottom of my heart, DON’T believe I struggle with any mental disorders. Whenever I do research for things like adhd and what not, and I interact with fellow classmates with adhd, I don’t find myself relating to those issues on a deep profound level other than lack of focus/discipline and occasional anxiety.

It is definitely possible, but I think you're comparing yourself too much to Internet articles and your peers. I will give you facts just for your own convenience and you can decide on your own. It doesn't hurt to think about it.

Everyone with ADHD represents differently, considering there's ADHD Inattentive Type, ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive Type, and ADHD Combined (that's all of it together, which is me!). This creates a stark difference in all of us with the disorder. Primarily Inattentive especially presents drastically different due to the low population of those who have it. It creates imposter syndrome, when it's not any less debilitating. There are even uncommon symptoms that go under the radar, that we didn't even know was ADHD.

Another thing to consider is if you are POC, AFAB, or identify as a woman, it's severely under diagnosed in these populations due to the stigma. And to speak to my demographic, Black women, we do not notice there's something off until we find difficulty in late adulthood due to the ableism and bias in healthcare. Most BW will believe ADHD is something different than what it actually is, and avoid getting knowledge from the right sources (because most are for children, or little boys...). We downplay a lot of our symptoms with mental illness.

The thing is, ADHD is specifically unique because it's a disorder that is neurologically based and developmentally based.

Let me explain executive function!

Executive function helps us manage time efficiently, switch between tasks without conscious effort, problem solve, avoid impulsivity, retrieve information, and regulate emotions. ADHD impacts the development of executive function through neurological structures of our brain, so that becomes executive dysfunction - peep this comic from ADHD-Alien to see it in a situation played out. And another!

I like to use the analogy of neurotypical's dopamine neurotransmitters (thousands of them) completing their job at work while ours don't even show up, even though they really want to. Here's an example of how severe the symptoms are in a comic from ADHD-Alien.

Therefore, it's a deficiency in dopamine and norepinephrine. This is why medication becomes important for a lot of people with ADHD to bring it back up. Beforehand, self medication is usually an issue, through other stimulants like coffee. The low chemicals in our brain will cause those of us afflicted with ADHD to seek stimuli to compensate for that, usually involuntarily.

Tasks with high stimulus are more attractive to our brains. What has some sort of incentive is at the forefront of your brain, and that's why you're not able to do things that you should do. Your brain legit screams, "Do something else, or I'm turning off!!!" This is also why those of us with it have endless amounts of hobbies because we go through various phases of what is the most interesting.

Before diagnosis, most people will be told they're lazy, just need to try focusing/try harder, or that everyone has this same problem. That is all due to professionals not advocating for ADHD properly, having a view that ADHD is just a little boy kicking, being hyper, screaming, and a belief that ADHD is tied to poor academic performance/low intelligence. This all prevents people from seeking treatment and creates internalized ableism. This also leads to feeling like the ADHD diagnosis is invalid due to childhood symptoms being suppressed until adulthood.

I must also mention... it's well known people with ADHD WILL have AT LEAST one co-morbidity... which means it can attribute to the development of these disorders if the symptoms go unnoticed. Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Substance Use Disorder, and more. Autism and ADHD counts as well, and often people have an overlap because they are basically brother and sister in casual speech.

A lot of us were already diagnosed with a co-morbidity, anyway. So our brain already had to seek chemicals and that can make it even harder for diagnosis to occur and make it easier for misdiagnosis or increase risks. ADHD also creates the likelihood of suicide, doesn't matter the age bracket.

There is a lifetime prevalence for other disorders for those of us with ADHD either way, because of how difficult it is. So, even if you feel you may be "milder" in presentation, that's not invalid, and don't be put astray by TikToks or Twitter posts. Know your facts and be careful, because social media will say everything is an ADHD symptom, when it's not, especially TikTok. They will also use the wrong words or invalidate less common symptoms. Don't buy into that.

TL;DR: Though you may have mild anxiety to begin with or depression, my concern is that executive function requires the ability to self regulate. Through this you have the ability to essentially force your reward system, so that way you can prime your brain for a greater reward in the future. Anyone with executive dysfunction has a deeper problem than they realize, and I would've been doing my brand of mental health and improvement a disservice if I didn't at least try to define the reasons why you should also consider that you may display lesser known symptoms. Even if you are neurotypical in your world view, mental illness has been defined so concretely by certain people that it becomes confusion. I can tell you're having difficulty. It seems you're having trouble either way with something, so you should seek services if you are able, as well as think more about what's been going on lately.