don’t know how to handle myself, learned that the person i’ve been crushing on for a year (and had convinced myself they were entirely out of my league and would never FATHOM liking me and had been trying—and obviously failing—to get over) most likely likes me back. WHAT DO I DO WITH MYSELF. i can’t sleep or work.
this feels like highschool again augh
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going to be spending the day with my mom for the first time in a long while. she wants to get me new shoes and is bringing over a whole box of stuff from Costco that she got me and my husband.
even though I'm on the cusp of 30, she still likes to be a mom, and I'm forever grateful for it. might not have any of the rest of my family after I was disowned but I've got my mom and my little brother and that's all I could ever ask for
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I think I will hold off from playing ISAT tonight… In favor of working on some writing maybe. Or trying to draw Siffrin….. idk I’ll figure it out I just think I’m too tired to even attempt to emotionally handle Act 5
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it's becoming an annual tradition now that I listen to the magnus archives this time of year. I care not at ALL for the overall series plots, but the statements are the perfect amount of spooky story to like, listen to while drinking tea in the garden and watching leaves fall.
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it’s just i spend so much time sharing little things about myself in the hopes that it sparks a connection with people and also i guess that maybe sometimes people will think of me yk. to feel like i exist outside of my own head. i dont think this is a bad thing it’s just where im at it’s a natural want for connection and it like. works for me. and i also dont think it’s bad to have the friends i do that are like ‘surface level’ yk. i still appreciate them and love them. it’s just, this is where im at, desperately clawing in different spaces in my life to be known even tho it’s embarrassing lol. and it just sucks that i never had to try to with her. not only did we have this extremely insane chemistry right off the bat, she’s someone that in like every way has made it seem like she actively wants to know me. beyond just the polite and whatever kind of level. and it’s like, of course that feels absolutely amazing given ive been pining since day 1 but also i just like her a lot as a person. you know. and it all sucks and makes me wanna combust sometimes that things aren’t the way i’d like them to be between us of course lmfao but i also think she’s an incredible person and she’s managed to make me feel so safe and calm and simultaneously obviously fucking crazy and energized and whatever. u know. whatever my point is here im gonna be done now <3
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the remnants of a night spent with friends around a bonfire under a starry night sky, carried away by the morning breeze
(^thought of this in relation to one of my names n it made me like it more :])
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