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#they have a fun time and nothing bad ever happens
pearlymel · 3 days
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reader touching herself while thinking about sunday? u decide what happens after
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Summary: What happens when your boyfriend catches you having a little bit of fun without him? One, he'll teach you how to do it properly, and two, you'll reward him in return.
Warnings: NSFW, smut, afab! reader, early-relationship, fingering, slight nipple play, ōral (m! receiving), cūm swallowing.
Notes: wrote this with one hand btw
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Dinner. Wine. Slow music.
It was the perfect date after you both have recently agreed to get together, who could ever resist someone as charming as him? The ever gentleman man, always taking his time with you, and his hand placements whenever he holds you or kisses you? The absolute cherry on top.
What about his scent? Aeons, his scent was stuck on your head the entire night ever since he embraced you, the way his wings would flutter everytime you got too close, especially when you whisper sweet nothings into his ear and how his ears would visibly get red.
The mental image of his flustered like that doesn't even make you realise that it got you slipping your panties off, your fingers messily toying with your clit in fast circles, a whine eliciting straight from your throat and onto the pillow when you inch one finger inside, but it's not enough—you need more, you need more of his scent, more of the way his gloved fingers trailed smoothly up your skin.
"Oh, fuck..." Your body shudders at the sinful thought, your lips quivering, you don't know if you want to stop or to keep going, was it bad that you want to sit on his pretty face now?
You thought he would take his time in the bathroom. Poor you, you couldn't even wait until he finished, he just had to come back and witness you in this pathetic state.
Sunday gripped the doorframe tightly, his nails digging into the wood as his eyes were glued to your fingers, to the way your chest rose and fell. He couldn't help but feel the heat pooling in his groin, the sight of you struggling to reach orgasm has him dizzy.
The minute you feel a set of arms envelope around you, you gasp and freeze, you were so caught red handed that it was embarrassing.
“I'm sor—” but he doesn't let you finish before he's shushing you, your back pressed against his chest, one hand around your breast and the other caressing your thigh up smoothly until he was able to hike your dress higher to expose more of you, more of what he's missing out.
“couldn’t wait till i was finished?” he whispered, clicking his tongue before taking your thigh and prying your legs open, “spread them apart for me.” Your legs are immediately open for him, his voice angelic, a contrast to the way he pulls his glove off his hand using his teeth, leaving it discarded on the bed.
Your lips parted when his fingers start to slowly gather your slick, trailing over your folds, feeling your slit, teasing and playing with you before slipping one finger inside.
He groans at the wetness that greeted him, his finger thrusting in and out of you, slowly at first, taking his time finding a pace while his other hand rolled your hardened nipple that peeked out of your dress, pinching it then soothing it with a gentle roll with his thumb, the stimulation only making your body arch against him as you try rocking your hips to match his measured pace.
You squirm when he abruptly adds another finger, filling you, stretching you, and you whine out in pleasure when Sunday curled his fingers, pressing against your spongy spot repeatedly, his thumb soon joins in and rubs your clit in circular motions.
It's like his fingers were making out with your pussy.
The room was soon filled with the sound of your ragged breaths, your moans, the loud squelches and wet slap of his fingers altogether. He could feel your cunt clenching down around him, the signs of your impending orgasm.
When his fingers starts ramming inside you to help you reach your release, you cry out with your head thrown back against his shoulder, which makes his free hand leave your nipple to wrap it gently around your neck, keeping you in place.
He could see you bite your lip, your eyes clenched shut, your body writhing beneath him. “You deserve to cum, angel. It's been a long day.” Sunday murmurs next to your neck, and another press on your swollen nub is what makes you whimper loudly, eyes rolling back as you grab onto him.
He smiles when he sees the haze in your eyes, your body relaxing in his arms after being satisfied from the release you've been aching to have.
When you slowly come back to your senses, and now you are suddenly all too aware of how hard he was the whole time, and you could feel it rubbing right below your ass.
“Sunday—”
“do you need to rest now?”
“No.” as you clear your throat, you turn around and are met with his captivating gaze. Your hand instinctively reaches closer, drawn to his wings. Slowly, your fingers brush against the feathers, and his wings immediately flutter in response, there's the response you will always be excited to see.
With tenderness, your lips press a gentle kiss against the feathers, and you feel the slight shudder that runs through him, your other hand meanwhile runs down to unzip his pants swiftly, to free his cock out of the tight confinements.
“You don’t have to—” and you're the one shushing him this time by pressing your lips against his for a chaste kiss.
“I want to please you.” You tell him in a low tone, another peck making it's way to his lips once again, “please?”
The minute he nods, you press his chest back down and he leans back on his elbows before you inch your face lower to lift his shirt slightly just enough to reveal his v-line, just for you to teasingly pepper his skin with soft kisses only for him to make his wings flutter in response.
Your hands work on taking his pants off, and he lifts his hips to help you slide them off with ease. Sunday's eyes never left yours, even when you were eye-level with his throbbing cock, the head already flushed and glistening with pre-cum.
his hand wraps around the base of his shaft, guiding it towards your awaiting lips, “open,” he commands gently, and he lets out a hiss when you start by flattening your tongue at the tip, licking the salty pre-cum off before wrapping your lips around him, the sensation only made his coke twitch in anticipation, his hips instinctively rocking forward.
Your mouth was warm, soft, heavenly.
“H-hah, don't tease me,” Sunday’s lips parted at the feeling of your tongue repeatedly circling around his tip then massaging at the pulsing vein on the underside of his cock. 
You then start bobbing your head up and down, making him whimper above you as he shuts his eyes tightly.
It was a mistake to even re open his eyes, his eyes locked on your mouth, your cheeks hollowing out as sucked like it was the sweetest treat ever. He could feel the tension building in his body, his orgasm near, and he reached down, his fingers tangling in your hair.
Your throat constricted around his cock, and he tries keeping his moans low every time you start gagging and choking.
“W-waitwait—” Sunday was gone the minute your hands started fondling with his balls, and he thrusts abruptly into your mouth until warm, white ropes of cum erupted from the tip of his cock, harsh gasps leaving his throat, followed by his trembling wings as his hips continued thrusting sloppily until you pulled out after swallowing every drop. His tip glistening with the residue of your saliva, and your lips with his seed.
You both are now shyly looking away from eachother, soft breaths and silence coming from both of you.
You're the first one to move, wrapping your arms around his waist and collapsing right on top of him. Sunday welcomes you in, his own arms finding their way around you before kissing the top of your head.
"I want to sit on your face next time." You murmur your fantasy to him out loud, and his eyes widened before his wings made the move to cover his flushed face, making you laugh at his adorableness.
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Day 8:
Picnic!
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veveisveryuncool · 1 year
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adeleine <33 she invades my brain with her stupid artist whims and human angst so. her <3
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Hey in case y’all were wondering I’m having a bad time
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iyhsb my absolute beloved,,
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marsbotz · 7 months
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
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YOU SHOULD JUST COMMIT SSSSCIDE... YOU'RE WORTHLESS... YOU VIEW US THIS WAY YOU'RE AN ABUSER A KILLER A MURDERER... TRULY... YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO US YOUR HANDS THEY'RE ON OUR THROAT... YOU'RE WORTHLESS AS RESULT... GO AHEAD... YOUR VALUE IS COMPLETE 0...
THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN FOOD... NOTHING MATURE ABOUT THAT... I LOVE EATING SSSSIDE... THAT IS A TYPE OF FISH WE WOMAN TEND TO EAT TOGETHER... WHY DO THIS TO US 😢...
DAMN... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS COMPLETELY SHADOWBANNED POST WAS CHECKED BY THE SITE... THAT'S CRAZY... WHO EVEN FOUND THIS...? OH WHATEVER... HA.
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions Autism#Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abused Psychosis Scizophrenia Bipolar#Suomi Finland Finnish Anticapitalism Antipsychiatry Antischool Antiprison Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia#Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia Racephobia GO AHEAD HATE ME... SAY HOW YOU TRULY FEEL... AHH... I SEE... THAT'S WHAT'S UP...#SOMETHING ONLY SOMEONE WHO'S REJECTED US WOULD SAY... YOU'RE A BADDIE AREN'T YOU...?! YOU EVEN FUNCTION THE SAME AS THE REST... AN ABUSER..#YOU EVEN MANAGED TO TURN ALL WE SAID AGAINST US... TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OUR BRAIN'S KNOWLEDGE... WE KNOW EVERYTHING... HOWEVER... THERE WAS#SOMETHING WE COULDN'T SEE COMING... Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Manga Josei#Fantasy Romance Drama Magic ABUSER BIGOT THEY HAVE NO PROBLEMS... EVEN TODAY... THEY'RE ALL HAVING FUN WHILE WE SUFFER... APATHY... IS REAL#I SEE NO EMPATHY ANYWHERE. EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS BUT A CAPITALIST SCAM. EMPATHY IS NOTHING. FAKE. MEANINGLESS. NOT BY US... WHY THEN...? HO#DID THIS HAPPEN...?! THINGS BECOME THIS WAY?!?! PATHETIC... I AM JUST TOO SMART TOO COMPETENT FOR YOU... OCPD IS ANOTHER WORD FOR#YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLIGENT BETTER THAN YOU... ASWELL AS CAPABLE AND PRODUCTIVE... OH...? YOU'D RATHER CRY YOU SUCK?! FOR HAVING THE COMPETEN#DISORDER?!?! AHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT WE WER#ABUSED BY?! AND THIS'S ALL THANKS TO THAT PSYCHOSIS THAT OCPD YOU HATE FROM US SO MUCH... THAT MEANWHILE... NOTHING BUT A BIGOTED CAPITALIS#COVERUP... YOU'RE SO FUNNY... I... JUST ALWAYS AM BETTER THAN YOU AREN'T I LOSER WASTE...? LOSER WASTE PATHETIC PATHETIC!!!!!!!! BELOW#MYSELF!!!!!!!! CRY CRY CRY YOU GARBAGE......... I... MOMMY'S HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW... REMEMBER ALL I SAID...?! I JUST REMEMBERE#HOW I PRESENTED... IN THAT SITUATION!!!!!!!! DID THAT WORK I'M A SEXY WOMAN AREN'T I?! YOU DEAR... GIVE ME VALIDATION....... A REQIIREMENT#FOR EVER DEALING WITH NPD!! WHAT YOU CALL DELUSION!!!!!!!! TYPICAL ABUSER BIGOT DISCRIMINATION... NOTHING PRO CRAZY ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE PRETT#MUCH JUST A COP THAT THREW A FIT WE'RE SEXY WOMAN... I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE ANT... THEY'RE SO BEATIFULL... LIKE THEIR SKIN... AND NOBODY... CA#STOP ME... A BLACK WOMAN... AMAZING... ISN'T THAT...?! IF YOU HATE US SO MUCH WHAT'S WITH THE OBSESSION DARLING?! YOU SECRETLY LOVE ME!!#DON'T YOU DARLING?! OHH IF ONLY THERE WAS A DISLIKE BUTTON... IF ONLY WE WERE AS ABUSABLE AS OVER THERE... IS YOUR THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW AREN'#THEY?! MY LITTLE SEX DOG!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR MISTRRSS YOUR MASTER...? BARK FOR ME BABY. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS I#WHAT WE WERE ABUSED BY!!!!!! A MEAGER SEX DOG BELOW US!!!! DIDN'T WE HONEY?! YES!! AGREE WITH ME!! THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO RIGHT?!?!?!?! AND#SHOWCASE OF THE ABUSE WE WERE SILENCED AND GASSLIGHT FOR THIS LONG... TOSSED OUT BY THIS ABUSER WASTE... BY THIS POINT... THIS IS HOW WE#WERE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH OUR ABUSERS... SHOWCASE WE'RE LATE. THINGS GOING WELL... THAT WOULD BE PARADISE. I HOPE TO HAVE A HAPPY FUTURE..#THEY USED US... THEIR EVIL HAS NO BOUNDS... TO BE USED BY SUCH AN PATHETIC LITTLE SEXY DOGGIE... OH THIS POST IS SO SHADOWBANNED... SO#HUMILIATING!! SO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!! WHY WOULD THEY SHADOWBAN THAT WORD? THAT CAN MEAN MANY THINGS?! LOSERS. ANYWAYS THIS IS YOUR STRATEGY#ISN'T THAT HONEY...?! THIS ALWAYS WAS WASN'T THAT?! YOU STRAIGHT UP HURT AND WANT TO ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE RIGHT?! ARE WE!! THE “CHOOSE TO DO#BAD“ ONES?! IS THIS ”AS LONG AD THAT DOESN'T HARM ANYONE...“ MENTALITY ALLDEPENDENT ON THE PILLS YOU SUCK...?! THAT IS ISN'T THAT?! ALL#ALONG WAS?! AND THERE ARE EVEN PILLS YOU DON'T ACCEPT... THAT'S... COMPLETELY PATHETIC... YOU “CHANGE BY TIME” DON'T YOU LOSER?!! THAT'S NO#LEFTIST AT ALL... LIAR!! LIAR LIAR LIAR!! I CALLED!! I KNEW!! I'M SMART!! PRAISE ME MY LOVE!! THEIR GASSLIGHT STUCK WITH US FOR MANY MONTHS
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ad-hawkeye · 6 months
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Hi! It's me again! I am slowly going through the Godheim routes and I have reached Clarence's route and I am just. Shaking this man in a jar. It is just so!!! TWO bad endings in the first ten chapters??? I need to examine this man like a bug, WHAT MADE YOU THIS WAY!!!! (says someone that WIll Probably Find Out and Cry About it)
HEY!!! omg i'm so happy you're getting through it okay so far!!
and hehe. hehehehehehe. archmage clayden...................... heh. well. he. haha. hah...
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blujayonthewing · 2 days
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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impofthegasstation · 2 months
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i feel weird and self conscious about my art again. sigh
the entire post ended up in thw tags ohb my god
#imptxt#ill talk about it more here#i do actually really like my art overall#i love my artstyle a lot it's so fun! lineless art awesome yay ^_^#i also really like the fact that i can very easily make super experimental art without feeling. bad or something.#BUT#i started drawing later than a lot of other people i guess. i haven't drawn since i was born i started drawing on aj when i was 9/10#and i didn't ever use references when i was younger which has made me incredibly. anxious about using them now :(. doesn't help that i am-#genuinely scared of using human refs because. i feel like they're staring at me#ive been seeing a lot art by people who are the same age as me or younger recently which is. technically a lot better than me currently#like. skills wise or whatever#and the ideas ive been having in my head have also become a lot more. out of my comfort zone/abilities#which is making me feel like i have to improve but. i don't really feel like it at the same time. i just want to have fun#but. i also want my art to be more interesting and dynamic anf just. Cool i want to have cooler art.#i haven't really used any tutorials but. None of them are really just. suitable for me from what i can tell??? idk man. different artstyles#to the one i have.#it's. it sucks.#i hate it.#sigh#ive also been feeling more guilty about yhe art i post recently???#idk. it feels repetitive and i don't want that. sigh.#i also wanna draw backgrounds man i love backgrounds but they're difficult#nothing is stopping me from doing that tbh. i just. have been very focused on drawing characters and ive been lazy with them#thankfully background refs aren't difficult for me to use.#ouuuhggvgg art js a Fuck why do i do it#(it's so fun hats why)#helllk wajt i just realised the reason why this is happening is because the thing im reading has fucking banger art#You Fucker. whatever you're forgiven god your art is so goals hs.#maybe i can. hm#AART YAY!!!!
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pyrriax · 3 months
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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milkweedman · 1 year
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ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.
months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.
#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant)#while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember#usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun#because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die#however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again#so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave#its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad.#i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low#because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in#and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening#i want to scream.#i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care#the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white#hhh.#chronic illness#chronic migraine#and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement#or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body#i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry#at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough#like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it#but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier#im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward#literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit.#so its a catch-22.#vent
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soubiapologist · 6 months
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i don't expect any of you to understand the reference but alice cooper. from riverdale. is a little like if a loveless character was really really really fucking funny
#in that she a darkly realistic portrayal of Your Yes Your 🫵🏻 Insane Mom#i have never seen a more.... i don't want to say ''realistic'' because riverdale exists in this like. absurd parody dimension both--#on purpose and on accident but like.#nothing that EMULATES the FEELING of having a Crazy Mom who has no idea she's crazy#and thinks she's justified in literally everything she does and is just like. a complete fucking controlling nutcase who is making--#literally everything worse by pretending she doesn't have trauma#of course it's also very silly but rvd also wants you to take it seriously so it's just like having an (AWESOME) aneurysm the entire time#you have to have a very specific sense of humour to enjoy rvd if you like like.#sardonically sitting around watching increasingly absurd things happen to characters you have zero investment in other than laughing at--#because they just live these deranged lives that are beyond parody and just like bitching at your TV for fun with like a friend then i thin#--you might like it.#like you absolutely cannot get seriously invested in the plot or characters if you want to enjoy it it's hard to explain#but it's also like kind of like loveless in the way that the fandom was originally people doing Shipping and then getting increasingly--#annoyed when it didn't do what they wanted and dropping off#and in the process missing out on the craziest train derailment of all time just like absolute complete lunatic shit#and it seems like it keeps trying to self flagellate for the first like. half#and in riverdale's case it's REALLY funny and in loveless's case it's really um. scary (affectionate)#also like 99% of the people who watch rvd seem to not understand that it's supposed to be insane and 99% of the people who read loveless--#miss that it's supposed to be HASHTAG SCARY#like rvd also exists in this weird dimension where you're supposed to think it's funny and they're trying to piss you off on purpose#but they're also trying very hard to like Discuss Social Issues and it end up very funny because they're bad at it but GOD It's so sincere-#while standing next to the campiest insincere shit EVER it's so fucking funny#meanwhile loveless's tone problem is like yun kouga is just a crazy person.#i mean roberto is also a crazy person but yun kouga is like a tortured crazy person. and he's like. the guy who would make glee crazy--#person. does that make sense.#no one is reading this don't worry about it. smiles.
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I'm ngl the longer it's been since I've played TOTK the less I like it I think
#do not get me wrong i think the game is fun to play and that was like 80% of where my concern lied#but godddd the story sucks so bad. i love the draconification bit with zelda but the rest. augh#why do we need Another ancient civilization literally appearing out of nowhere and infesting hyrule with its ruins#they got rid of all the sheikah stuff with literally no explanation to shove the zonai into the region#but why are we even focusing on the ancient civilizations again????#it would have made so much more sense to focus on hyrule in the present day. work with the npcs to make hyrule greater than it was#move on from the calamity and turn hyrule into a strong bustling country#the zonai were hinted at in botw but they feel so shoehorned in because they have nothing to do with anything in botw#i dont care about the secret stones we had champion abilities#i dont care about the sages the champion descendants had the champions to look up to#i dont care about rauru and sonia because sonia got fridged hard and rauru's character is flat. pleasant but flat#and i dont care at all about ganondorf because the most interesting thing he ever does is do the gmod face#its so frustrating watching the same 'woah secret stones! sages??' cutscene 4 times with Da New Sages and its so frustrating#watching the other characters speculate what happened to zelda and chase down her ghostly paper trail#when like. i can see her in the sky. she's over there guys#the memories were one of my favorite things in botw bc they all subtly stitched together the story of what happened#in totk they are incredibly plot dense and very linear and very confusing to watch out of order. which is easy to do#the one where sonia gets murked is like. the third memory i found#id at least be more interested in all the zonai stuff if link was the one to get teleported to the past while zelda has to try and save him#giving zelda agency. craziest thing they could have done#ok sorry this is a Lot of salt but just. raaaaagh#maybe my expectations were astronomical but outside of gameplay totk brings nothing good to the table imo#i'd significantly rather they made botw2 more gameplay focused where you can do something like make meaningful changes to the map#tarrey town style#than try to shove a whole different zelda game's plot into a carefully constructed preexisting world#i think the zonai story would be cool in its own game but not botw
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i’m never going to get my internships together and then i’ll never graduate after all
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deadallover · 13 days
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Going to sleep early so it can stop being my birthday already.
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