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iamtheempress · 4 years

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A Vegeta x OC Fanfiction (part 2)¤ ¤ ¤

The morning came with silence and silence came with Raditz banging on Calamatta’s pod.

“Wake up! we need to get our pods to the ship in the upper atmosphere then we start the terraforming process! Got it?” SHe stretches and gives the long haired Saiyan a lazy thumbs up. Confirming she heard him loud and clear. Rubbing her eyes she punched in the coordinates to the ship and off the four pods flew to the ship in the higher atmosphere, slotting their pods into the mothership.

The four took their time to leave 2 by 2 to the planet and scour the planet to completely terraform it, with expertise and precision. Cracking open the planet enough to let the oceans flow forth, for several hours they did this until they returned to the ship. Calamatta entered the ship last and was greeted with a crisp clap to the back from Nappa. “Good job, lil lady!” He bellowed as she rubbed the back of her head. “T-thanks Nappa, now im just worried.”

Raditz raised his hand and shook his head, “Ahhh calm down, we're going to give him an honest review of you then you will be moved to our quarters, you get your first pay and then you should be good. Settle down.” He brushes past her and makes his way to Frieza’s Hall. Vegeta followed behind, throwing a glance at the female Saiyan as she sat on a chair, he can tell she was nervous by the frequency of her bouncing leg. They didnt like bending to Frieza’s whim, but they werent about to just go against him out right.. And with one more saiyan with them to train and get stronger they could be unstoppable. Its just the matter of pandering to Lord Frieza until then and making sure they dont get killed.

Lord Friezas chambers had only Zarbon blocking their way, the annoying green haired former prince with no shame. Dodoria, the brainless ruffian was nowhere in sight. “Monkeys.. Im assuming its about the release of Friezas little ape?” Zarbon said very condescendingly to the three, very annoyed Saiyans. Vegeta tightened his fist and grit his teeth at the comparison to apes so blatantly to his face.

“Zarbon thats quite enough. Ive been expecting them.” Friezas voice piped up waving the three Saiyans in. “Y-yes, Lord Frieza.” He obeyed and moved out of their ways. “You are excused Zarbon, your services arent needed this evening.” Frieza rotated fully in his seat and swirled a full goblet of wine within it.

The three took bended knee to Frieza begrudgingly and raised up at the same time. “Were here to confirm our Terraforming a rousing success.” Frieza smirked and paid attention to Nappa. “Indeed. It was to be a 4 to 5 day excursion and you done it in 2 and a half days? My my, you 4 are persistent!” He chided and pointed to Nappa first. Everyone is fully aware of Frieza’s death beam so Nappa winced. Causing Frieza to visibly inflate like an egomaniac. “Now what is your report about my favorite little monkey, Ms. Calamatta” He sipped his wine and let it hover mid air rotating it and lacing his fingers together and letting his long worm like tail wag lightly. Nappa took one step forward and spoke up, light sweat on his brow as he made eye contact with deadly bright vermillion eyes.

“Calamatta’s first time out with primary race extermination was exquisite. Effective and heartless. If she continues with us you should expect the same, Lord Frieza!” He did a full bow and stepped back for Raditz, The long haired teenage Saiyan cleared his voice and spoke up, starting with an embarrassing voice crack. “She took orders for sequences of events and how to lay waist to entire cities fairly quickly. I'd prefer her with us simply because she has a job to do and she seems to enjoy it.” Frieza slowly nods, eyes closed and speaks softly. “Mhmm. mmhmmm. You two are dismissed. Vegeta… you stay.”

Frieza took his goblet and took a sip from it as the Prince narrowed his eyes and approached, puffing up his chest. “What do you think about the pretty little simian? Shes quite interesting… obedient and has grown to be a lovely young woman, shapely i think your repugnant species would call her... You are aware her father appointed her to me when she was a child, I'd assume Vegeta…?” He lets the wine glass levitate again, Vegeta stood with his arms crossed and brow raised. “Yes, Im aware...What is this about.” Frieza clicked his nails about on his seat and smiled softly.

“Her father did not trust his only daughter with the likes of the Kings eldest boy… Not after their fight… so she was appointed as my little monkey butler, a nice little piece of arm candy… if only she wasnt a Saiyan. Anyway… Enough with my little flights of fantasy…” He gestured to the confused Saiyan Prince, his lips lined straight and unmoving. “About Calamatta… How was she.. Your word I take higher then anyone else.” He preened upon saying her name, it was borderline perverted but with a sinister meaning behind it.

“Shes the missed opportunity id like to get my hands on. A perfect Saiyan through and through. If she werent by your side so often id have taken her by my side YEARS ago, Frieza…” He stated as a matter of factly, Friezas dark little smile returned “How disgustingly romantic... Zarbon! Summon Calamatta for me.” He snaps his fingers and trot like tapping faded down the hallway. Zarbon was waiting outside, like a good little brainless lackey.

Calamatta was tapping on the table she waited at, tail flicking nervously about behind her. She was snapped from her stupor of nervous leg bouncing and hair twirling to Zarbon slapping his hand down firm onto the table. “Calamatta, Lord Frieza is requesting your return asap.” SHe nodded and fixed her hair abit standing up and wrapping her tail around her waist. Shes known Zarbon longer then shes known Dodoria.

The kinship Zarbon developed for her was astounding, a favorable friendship when she felt immense discomfort in her teens on. It weirds her out and flatters her nonetheless. “Yes, Zarbon.. Right away.” She walks along side Zarbon and even passes Nappa and Raditz on their way back. “Ill have you know for the duration of time that I have known you; you are not like the others… youre charismatic and maybe the most tolerable, of the 4 of you...your still nothing more than a monkey butler though.” She sneered and returned her gaze fixed forward, down then away. The moment she turned the corner she went wide eyed to see Vegeta.

She stopped in her tracks and was given a push from Zarbon, Frieza chirped upon her entry. “Welcome back, Calamatta! I have some good news for you…” “Lord Frieza..” She bowed at the waist obediently she stood next to Vegeta and Zarbon once again excused himself.

“I trust that your first day terraforming was a success and that you had a splendid time, did you dear?” Calamatta stood up straight and let her tail unwind from her waist. “Y-Yes! I actually liked it alot!” She chirped and gulped abit, Vegeta scoffed and closed his eyes, only for Frieza to speak. “Oh, well you are not out of the woods yet my dear...no no.. You have one more task to prove to me before i let you do anything with the male populace for you to shake your pretty little tail at.”

He makes a face and a screen pops up on the window behind him. A massive green, blue and red planet popped up on the screen encircled by 2 rings and 2 moons. “You and Vegeta are to Terraform this planet on your own. I will give you a month to do it because this planet has highly hostile inhabitants.” Vegetas eyes snapped open and stared at the planet then to frieza. “You cant be serious? Why not just send me on my own then i can do it 3 weeks without the likes of a newbie.. No offence Calamatta but its just facts.” He crossed his arms. “Do this the both of you for me in a months worth of time and your pretty little primate will be out of my hands and in yours. Indefinitely. But if not i will be forced to use my own hand… and you dont want that Vegeta..” He grinned widely. His pointer finger extended toward the female Saiyan and she gulped upon seeing the beam charge at the tip of his digit.

Vegeta stepped infront of the female Saiyan and narrowed his eyes, his move was more instinctual than out of emotion. Calamatta never thought the prince would ever put himself in a position like this but here he was, his solid back to her front she peaked over his caped shoulder and looked at the tyrant who tilted his head. "Hehehe.. it seems ive struck a chord in you Vegeta.." "Not at all.. she's done nothing for you to raise that finger at her. I've made the decision and well go…" he clenches his fists, the material of his gloves made a noise. Calamatta could feel the princes frustration from how close he was to her… "to that planet… and well wipe it before the month even finishes.."

Frieza chuckled, "Good… i know you will fulfill your promise.. Calamatta you stay, dear.. Vegeta…" Calamatta straightened her back and tightened her tail around her waist. "You are dismissed.. i have a few things to discuss with her." Vegeta turned around and made eye contact with Calamatta, with a pitiful look in his eye.. like he knew she shouldn't be in this situation. "Bye, Vegeta." She said softly, causing the Emperor to briefly narrow his eyes, she kept her head forward. Vegeta said nothing as the door slid shut behind her. Leaving without a word and kind of making her heart sink abit. He grit his teeth and stormed down the hallway to a perplexed Raditz and Nappa.

“Calamatta, come little primate.” Frieza beckoned to her and snapped for one of his little cronies to bring something to him. Folded up in the hands of Dodoria himself. “Hello little Matta, hope you enjoy this little costume change.” She nodded to him and took the body suit and armor. “When would i expect to go to this planet?” SHe tilted her head and held the new suit, noticing theres not much too it, which made her really wary. “Ah ah, first things first alittle bit of information is more useful about the planet then when you and the simian prince will go.” Frieza quips looking at his shiny black claws. “The planets name is To-Rot, it is a giant habitable planet that im sure would be able to line your pockets quite nicely.”

Dodoria crossed his arms and quirked a brow at her, “Lord Frieza told you about the type of inhabitants to that planet right? Its not a walk in the park and I certainly wouldnt go alone... “ Calamatta gulped. “Now now, Dodoria. Do not frighten the girl. Who knows she could be the best of the 4 remaining Saiyans. We will see..” He gets out of his pod like seat and uses his tail to tip her chin up, a small smirk still playing on his lips.

“Run along and change and you may turn in for the evening… you both leave in 20 hours, when we arrive to the nearest solar system. From there you and Vegeta will go To-Rot.” Frieza chuckles to himself. “Fitting name dont you think? Ohohohohohoooo !!” He laughs and Calamatta turns and bows walking back to the saiyan chambers to change.

¤ ¤ ¤

Tags: @memevember @dragonblobz @gonuclear @msgreenverse @fallen--lilith @jimbobslurpnchug @dragonballzforlife @nikabriefs @lilhemmo @lizardhipsdontlie @hierophantblue @supremeleadershitlord @thotful-writing @chickiedinner @anti-jaina @dragonball-hcs-or-sum-shit

#A Planet To Conquer Fic #vegeta #Calamatta~#dbz fanfiction #Pre Saiyan Saga #Frieza

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mooncircuses · 4 years

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in sweet magnolias my gay ass cannot stop seeing the rivals to friends to lovers au play out and i may be overanalyzing but jackson and tyler? fuckin. thats not straight...if u are rivals and hate each other why do u interact in the ways u do...look at each other like that??? sacrifice things like that..

jackson is not a great person. some stuff he does i think can be argued was a way to help tyler but still be the annoying rival/teammate there. and in general we know they care abt each other, its just not addressed into anything more than their rival status between them.

personally i think jackson is in deep w internalized homophobia and i think its a common trope with asshole gay jocks in media and the backstory they’re creating for him. it makes sense. he has a bad family life, he doesnt feel good enough, he’s constantly compared to tyler (..and yet still is attentive to his feelings even if he’s the one making him angry/upset/etc.) its a hard dynamic to work through since theyve been rivals since they were babies. theres the overarching forbiddenness of being anything with each other..other than rivals bc of the parent history bc rivals is what’s “expected” of them. i think.

i mean. i hope im not reading into this because it could become a really great storyline esp sine the writing on this show and the small things in the acting and directing are so meaningful. i know annie and tyler are the ship thats common right now, and i honestly see them as nothing but sibling relationship. he never has fondness on his face when he looks at her. it is literally the protective older brother look/check in that he has taken upon himself (for who know how long, but at least since his dad left). its not romantic with her and its clearly not romantic with cece. why is he still with her if the things with annie already blew over? i think cece’s a beard. not necessarily intentionally but maybe intentionally. even though his character is allowed to dismiss toxic masculinty in areas (which, amazing to show that) it doesnt mean he doesnt have internalized homophobia. and the way this town is close knit and everyone knows everyone and u probably marry high school sweethearts and everyone talks abt what’s different, being gay for sure would make people gossip (bad or good) when its not their info to share. so cece is on his arm kinda as backup? or failsafe in case someone is getting close to finding out he’s gay? we can see this: when jackson comes to tyler and gets very very touchy and flirty and stares in his eyes and they both glance at each others lips, tyler pushes jackson and gets touchier with cece (more than we’ve literally ever seen). and he then goes on the defensive bc he is sick of jackson coming in between him and cece and in general, tyler’s own life. (hmm?).

anyway! jackson could get a redemption arc. i think he should. his outright rude meanness should not be excused though. if the show makes a relationship out of that without talking its not a healthy one. we see the harsher banter between them but its still banter-they laugh in the interactions, smile, its not a problem. but jackson does do stuff and says stuff that creates way more harm than he probably realized and its why he’s so lowkey in those situations and is still smiley and sometimes continues. yes, jackson wants attention and a reaction. and this needs to be addressed because he cant ever be redeemed if he doesnt change. the banter is fine, but the “taking it too far and not realizing exactly what he’s done before its too late” is not. and i have hopes of jackson’s character being developed more because if he’s just here to show how tyler deals with things, they didnt need to make a backstory abt them or make jackson the person that is showing us how tyler is dealing with things- they couldve made random players, other characters, or even jackson as not the only one. which makes jackson stand out at this point and they gave him backstory so i dont think he’s just a plot device character like a lot of the characters are.

also... i love rivals to friends to lovers aus with my entire soul bc when theyre actually done properly and followed through on they are always amazing because it forces gradual building and doesnt skip steps and actually develops the characters in depth (both!!) and their feelings for each other too (it has to, and with this build it is realistic even though not everyone falls in love this way..it forces the writers to showcase an actually good relationship bc they have to spend time on it). so. it seems like thats whats being set up because why else would they create a rivals characters with complex relationships with each other if they werent going to turn it into anything more?

#sweet magnolias #netflix #tyler townsend #jackson lewis #gay #tyler x jackson #jackson x tyler #tyson #?#uh #jackler #idk #gay tyler townsend

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hybridfanfiction · 6 years

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Owner Training

So, this was just supposed to be another prompt, but it spiraled out of my control and became its own little drabble. Maybe I’ll make it a series because I like this Yoongi. He’s a cute lil brat. Also, YAY I WROTE SOMETHING!!

Word Count: 1082

You ran from your car to the door of your apartment, anxious to be out of the cold. It had been absolutely miserable all week and you couldn’t wait for the rain to go away already. Your shivering hands made unlocking the door a chore, but you finally managed it, slamming it shut behind you.

As you shed your jacket and kick off your shoes, you slowly begin to realize you are not just getting warm, you are getting toasty. The heater was cranked up in your apartment. You were so pissed at yourself because you’d just worked an eight hour shift during which you left your heater on all day long.

Deciding the damage was already done, you leave it be, reasoning that you still had to go switch into warm clothes before you could brave another temperature change.

With a weary sigh, you walk to your room and flip on the light, only to freeze in your tracks.

There was someone in your bed.

You walk slowly towards the silent lump that had only a flash of black hair peeking through the blanket burrito they’d rolled themselves into. The only person you could think of that would just help themselves into your home was your brother Jimin, but he never went anywhere without his dog hybrid, and there was definitely only one person in the bed. Deciding that it wouldn’t be wise to get too close, you pick up the curling iron off your vanity and use it to poke the lump.

“Jiminie? That you? Get out of my bed.”

The blanket burrito began to grumble and suddenly two fluffy black ears popped out.

Wait, ears?

You clenched the curling iron tighter and poked the lump again.

“Dude, up.”

Long and elegant fingers crept out of the blankets to pull some down enough to show their face as the person who was definitely not Jimin glared at you.

“I was having a good dream too, what the fuck.”

“Yoongi?”

The black cat hybrid sighed and slowly unraveled himself from the blankets, rolling until he sat on the side of the bed and scratched his ear.

Yoongi was a stray hybrid that you passed almost every day as you left for work. He lived in the park next to the complex and you’d developed a habit of leaving food for him or just saying hello when you were in a bit of a rush. On your days off, you’d sometimes go and watch him while he played his battered keyboard, trying to sneak huge tips into the box he always set out. If you ever put anything larger than $20, he would glare at you and demand you let him help you with a chore or something because, “I’m not an asshole,” he’d declare as his long and fluffy tail flickered in irritation. You’d always thought he was the cutest thing.

But that didn’t explain why he was here.

“Yoongi, how did you get in my house?”

“You left the window open. Who does that in the middle of a storm? I mean, besides the rain getting in, any weirdo would see a first floor window and just help themselves to your shit.”

“Good point,” You deadpanned, dropping the curling iron onto the end table.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow, indicating that he caught your sarcasm and chose not to acknowledge it. He stood up and fixed the comforter before walking out of the bedroom.

“I figured the least I could do is guard the place,” he answered so flatly that you knew he was just covering up his desperation. You could hear the slight hoarseness to his voice, showing signs of a cold. The poor thing was probably sick and freezing and saw your open window like the answer to a prayer. You knew Yoongi well enough to know that he’d never admit anything though.

“Don’t worry. I showered before using the bed, so it’s still clean,” he said as he walked to your kitchen, you following dumbly behind him.

What were you supposed to say or do in this situation? You couldn’t kick him out or you’d feel like an asshole since it was storming outside, but he should know better than to just break into people’s homes.

You watched as he helped himself to your cabinets and set the already filled electric kettle to boil, apparently making tea.

“You don’t have a hybrid, right? I can’t smell any in here, and I never smell any on you,” Yoongi’s voice knocks you out of your thoughts and you catch his amused grin as you struggle to refocus.

“Uh, no. No hybrids. My brother brings his by sometimes, but that’s it.”

“Do you...like hybrids?” Yoongi sounds nervous for the first time, and you wish you could see his face, but he’s already turned back to preparing the tea.

“Of course. I’ve just never gotten around to looking for one of my own.”

The silence over the next few minutes as he finishes preparing the tea is nervewracking. You feel like there is something he's trying to get you to say, but you couldn't figure out what.

Yoongi slides a cup towards you, staring at you like he could see into your soul.

“You seem like you’d be a good owner. Maybe. After a little training.”

The sip you’d taken suddenly goes down the wrong pipe and you sputter, coughing and banging your chest as you stare at him incredulously.

“Excuse me? What would I need training for? You’re the one breaking into peoples homes like you’re god damn Goldilocks.”

Hah, good one. Point to you.

Yoongi merely smugly grins and downs his own tea in one gulp before walking back to the bedroom as he scratches his belly.

“There’s nothing for it. I’ll have to be your hybrid. Finish your tea, take a shower, and come to bed.”

Yoongi enters the room, leaving you in a state of - you didn’t even know. Shock, disbelief, and yet...a strange yearning. Not knowing what else to do, you drink your tea like you’ve been told and head to the shower, preparing to apparently spend your first night as an owner.

Although, you weren’t sure who actually owned who.

#hybrid #hybrid au #au #hybrids #hybrid!bts #cat hybrid!yoongi #bts scenarios #hybrid!yoongi #bts #hybrid fanfiction #yoongi fanfic #hybrid bts

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imaginedanganronpa · 6 years

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Can you please do a platonic motherly Yandere Mikan and child Reader scenario where she meets child that’s also abused and bullied like her (nothing extreme) and took them in? You can also do non Yandere imagine of this too where she didn’t kill anyone, but adopt the kid.

I’ve never written a scenario with a Child Reader before, so I hope this is alright. And even if you didn’t specify “platonic,” this would’ve still been written that way because I won’t write romance about children, just a reminder for everyone :)

TW: Abuse/Bullying Mentions!

Platonic & Motherly Yandere!Mikan Tsumiki Who Takes In a Bullied Child!

Mikanalways had a much darker side hidden deep within her, but she was able tocontain herself, for the most part. Being severely bullied throughout herentire life by those she thought she cared about seemed to twist her mind intosomething a little less than sane.

Because of this, Mikan developed a soft spot for younger people. She foundherself doing rounds in the Pediatric Wing of the hospital where she worked moreoften than anything else because she felt a sense of pride whenever she helpedone of the children.

Walking home one night in the middle of a storm, Mikan was hurriedly rushinghome. She cut through a narrow ally which would’ve brought her out in front of theapartment complex where she lived. However, as she zipped through the allywhilst stomping in the puddles, her ears perked up when she heard what she thoughtwas a child crying.

And that’s what lead her to you…

Mikan slowed down and stood there for a moment but the rain muffled a lot ofyour sounds. Eventually, she was able to track the source of the cries to finda small child huddled in the corner, trying to shield themselves from the rain.

Mikan’s tender, compassionate side shines through as she crouches down andextends her hands. When you turn your head to look at her, she feels her heartstop – she noticed the black eye and, more strikingly, the look in your eyesreminds Mikan of herself. She gasps and nearly falls backwards but regains her balanceas she tries coaxing you towards her.

“Excuse me? My name is Mikan Tsumiki, I’m a Nurse and I can take care of you,”her voice sounded pleading, yet sincere, “please, come with me.”

After you settle into her home, you began telling her everything that hashappened to you. Mikan wraps a warm blanket around your small shoulders and givesyou a clean and dry change of clothes; then, she starts warming up a cup ofRevival Tea to help stimulate your healing process.

You open up to the newfound Nurse and tell her about how you were being pickedon at school and abused at home, and eventually you got sick of it and ranaway. That’s what brought you to the ally where you tried taking shelter afterit started raining, and that’s where your paths crossed.

Mikan could relate to your story since she has experienced the same things inher own life. She felt herself twitching when you mention that you were beingpicked on and she suppressed the darker side of herself for a moment, then askedyou to name your bullies.

You hesitantly shake your head, not wanting to over-exaggerate the story or causetrouble. Simply put, Mikan’s motherly tendencies began to get the best of heras she offered you a place to stay. She seemed much more kind and welcoming thanyour original family and accept the offer, relieved to have finally foundsomeone who cares for you.

But she had to excuse herself after you tell her your story and disappeared in the bathroom, letting out a wild giggle. She could feel herself growing more frantic as all she wanted to do was protect you and take away all of the bad things that have happened to you. A crazed look in her eye sends chills down her spine, then Mikan snaps herself out of the insane state she was in.

Her motherly instincts kicked in as she completely takes over the parental roleand leadership. She teaches you everything you need to know about colors,shapes, words, and so on. She goes to the grocery to buy all of your favoritekinds of foods so she can make you dinner each night and lets you sleep in herbed as she takes the couch.

Once she finally gets you to reveal the names of your tormentors is when she reallygets to work…

Mikan used her job to track down where each of them lived. Ironically enough,one of your bullies had recently been hospitalized for asthma and was on breathingtreatments. As she giggled evilly, a maniacal and deranged grin formed on herlips as she unplugs the breathing treatment. Leaning forward and whispering intheir ear, “No one messes with my precious little (Y/N).”

After this, she takes care of them one by one. Each of your bullies met thesame fate: their families killed in their home, or hospitalized after a tragicaccident only to have their treatments stop suddenly, out of the blue. It didn’tmatter to Mikan that they were younger – they wouldn’t cause you anymore trouble and shouldn’t have hurt you, anyway.

Their sudden deaths seemed to line up with her work schedule, and your senseskicked in and caused you to suspect that your new mother-figure may havesomething to do with it…

But, out of fear and reliance, you keep your mouth shut. And with her, maybeshe is protecting you.

She wanted to purge the world from disastrous bullies and evil-doers, since she had experienced the same kind of fate. And she developed a strong attachment to you very quickly, which only motivated her even more to rid the world of that evil.

Mikan enrolled you in a new school and kept tabs on your time there. Anytimethe school called and said you were in trouble, she would rush down there andget involved like a real mother would. And after taking you in, she vowed tonever let anyone hurt you ever again…

Because if they did, they would soon learn to regret it.

Mikan was sweet and caring in her motherly state. She would never hurt you, but if anyone tried causing you harm, she would swiftly put an end to it, in a bloody way.

Eventually, she finalizes your adoption and you find your new life with her to be comforting. She was your protector, even if her means of protection weren’t always the most sane or legal. But that didn’t matter, she had that motherly love for you and would go out of her way for you, and that’s all you could really ask for.

- Mod Rantaro

#danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #super dangan ronpa 2 #Super Danganronpa 2 #sdr2 #sdr2 imagines #Mikan Tsumiki #yandere

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midnight-circus · 5 years

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another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him.

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face.

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms.

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others.

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it.

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man.

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street.

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton.

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

#logan1 #lucius1

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ronitas · 6 years

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Ok welcome to my Kingdom hearts blog where my motto is FDB Kairi, Vanitas and Sora deserved better, Repliku deserved to be with Namine or at least say goodbye to her before disappearing, Sora and Riku shared the paopu first and the ending of kh3 is the result of the paopu gods being pissed because Sora shared the paopu with another and you cant tell me otherwise, Soriku is canon fars Im concerned and every Sokai moment in this game was awkward and forced af, Namine, Roxas, Xion and Ventus all deserved more screentime, we have a million Sora’s but we cant have 2 Riku’s? come on man

So anyway to sum up my main view points

FDB Kairi, KH3 literally made me hate her when before I just simply disliked her

Namine, Xion and Aqua are best gals

Roxas, Vanitas, Ventus and Sora are best boys

Riku’s cool although not my fave he has my respect

Vanitas and Ven should have reconciled in KH3 and possibly reunited, if not then the two should have reconciled and actually had a heart to heart instead of just ‘I am darkness goodbye’ ‘ok’ that is NOT how that should have gone, Xehanort gets to reconcile with Eraqus but not Vanitas with Ventus? gtf outta here man, I didnt expect Vanitas to have some big sappy ooc moment I just pictured something similar to Naruto at the waterfall training with Bee fighting his darker half and only after he learned to accept and embrace it could he move forward, THATS what I expected but nope, what was the point of even bringing Vanitas back if you werent gonna let these two make peace? this whole game has been villains having change of hearts and the worst one of all being Xehanort even has one but Vanitas just goes out as ‘I am darkness’ which makes all the build-up to Vanitas redemption till this point just to have it end like this in the end of the Xehanort saga is a huge slap in the face, so in that regard I guess I empathize with Kairi fans who expected her to do something but did absolutely nothing

Nomura unintentionally confirmed Riku did the paopu ritual with Sora back in KH1 by confirming in this game that the whole sharing of the paopu legend didnt require you to eat it but just giving it to the other person, proven by Kairi simply giving Sora the paopu but neither of them actually eat it yet that was supposed to represent them finally doing the legend thats been built up since KH1 which was supposed to be a huge Sokai moment but it just ended up becoming a huge Soriku one instead lol

Sea Salt trio is best trio next to the Lost trio

Sora and Riku are the best duo

Kairi should have never had a keyblade and not because of my personal bias but because HOW she got to be able to use one shouldnt even be a thing, you shouldnt be able to just touch the handle of a keyblade wielder and be able to use a keyblade no, it should be like what Terra did formally bequeathing Riku that ability the same should have applied to Kairi and everyone else, Sora touching Riku’s light is excusable because the keyblade chose him which is the ONLY other way someone should get a keyblade is if their CHOSEN by the keyblade itself, please tell me why the keyblade would choose Kairi, what has she done to EARN or DESERVE a keyblade? be a princess of heart? shouldnt all of them have keyblade then? no? of course not cuz thats bs, there is no reason thats why she needed just a half-assed excuse as to why and how she got one, hell even Axel had to prove himself to earn his keyblade, Kairi’s literally the only one who it was just handed to with minimal explanation

I love Sora but I swear in some areas in KH3 it felt like I was watching 2 different people, our Sora and whoever the hell that was

Kairi should have stayed dead in KH3 not just because of my personal feelings toward her but because they literally set it up in POTC with Wills death and Elizabeth being strong and going on without him and then Xehanort kills Kairi and although I knew it was unlikely I figured it was even MORE unlikely that Sora would be the one who dies because hes the protagonist and Nomura literally said Sora would continue to be the protagonist in future games so it’d make more sense for Kairi to die and Sora just having to learn to live on without her and accept the fact that no matter how hard he tries he CANT save everyone, but nope Nomura just pretty much tossed that opportunity for growth and development with Sora and just lets him abuse the power of waking and die for some chick who didnt deserve it that he already killed himself once for this SAME person in KH1 only this time it was alot less impactful but just really infuriating and unnecessary and just overall pointless

Kairi shouldnt have been in the final battle, PERIOD, Roxas should have been brought back earlier on and HE be the 7th light needed while Kairi hangs back and keeps training with Merlin, the fact that anybody let an amateur into the final biggest most dangerous fight ever for her first time using a keyblade on the battlefield boggles my danm mind that even Sora or Riku or Yen Sid didnt tell her to sit this out because she WASNT ready or hell Kairi HERSELF saying she shouldnt go acknowledging that she herself isnt prepared for this serious a battle and she doesnt wanna get in their way and risk them getting hurt trying to protect her, the fact that NEITHER of these happened boggles my friggin mind and please dont say ‘well they needed a 7th light and Roxas needed a spark yatta yatta yatta thats why’ because I can make a whole separate post about why thats bullshit and how it could of happened if the writing was actually GOOD and SENSIBLE there

I cant stress this enough but I DO NOT CARE about the pairings in Kingdom Hearts and I wanna be very clear on this

I do not care if Roxas ends up with a friggin tree or Axel smashes a toaster or Riku with Xion or Sora with Isa IDGAF about shipping in KH because there is way more important things going on then to worry about who gets with who, the only reason I care about Sokai is because I love Sora but despise Kairi and think he can do so much better and even if that ends up bein a frog IDC just as long as it aint her so its really not about the ship but more about what a garbage character Kairi is

I have plenty of ships that I like, but I could care less whether or not they become canon because to me thats just a bonus not a necessity I’ll still enjoy the pairings regardless

KH is supposed to be a combination of Disney and Final Fantasy, if Nomura separates from FF hes makin a huge mistake, you cant remove part of what literally started the franchise in the first place

I think thats about it but If I think of anything else I’ll add it here but yea thats pretty much it, those are my basic views for the series so far so either take it or leave it, if you disagree then just agree to disagree Im not tryin to change any of your opinions and you cant change mine, scratch that you cant change my opinion on Kairi but Im open minded on just about everything else so maybe my opinion CAN change in some areas but Kairi is the one area it wont

#kingdom hearts #kh #new blog #may change name later #kh3 #kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 spoilers #if it wasnt obvious that part about the paopu gods being pissed was a joke to cope with that awful ending #seriously the power of waking is so vague you cant even understand the ending because you really dont know wtf happened #so the paopu gods being pissed and punishing sora for sharing the paopu with another makes the ending more understandable #and now the only one who can save him is riku whom he originally shared the paopu with #because their destinies are truly intertwined #perfect ending #im serious about sora and riku sharing the paopu first though because they did #kh3 confirmed you dont have to eat it you just have to give it to the other person #that was an unintentional confirmation that cant be taken back now #you can try to twist it if you want but thats canon now

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pixie-ash · 7 years

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Voltron Season 4 thoughts *SPOILERS*

Alright so i had very mixed feelings about the season. Overall i loved it. I just loved watching it because i missed it. But as with everything there are some pros and cons i wanted to point out.

1. YALL NEED TO CHILL. Yes the season wasnt what everyone was expecting but come on if you were a fan of it dont shit on it. Thats incredibly rude. It wasnt like a OOC fanfic.

2. Yes the season was short. They told us though that it was seasons 3 other half so it makes sense. Do i wish for more. Yes. But i'm not gonna be a brat about it. They work really hard to give it to us so i can wait till season 5.

3. I STILL BELIEVE SHIRO MIGHT BE A CLONE. Heres why. Right when season 2 ended right Shiro goes missing and ends up in a Galra prison. Right. Okay before he goes missing he ends up getting his bayard back. NOW WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO? Along with the black paladin suit. Like where the fuck did he get a new one. He left with it and didnt come back with it on so do they like....have more armor?? Also the way "Shiro" talked in episiode one was ....not okay? Like what was his fucking problem. The Shiro we know is alot more understanding than demanding. He wouldnt even give Keith a chance to speak....like hes been really off. Shiro is not this.....dark? He seemed more closed off from the others but that could be cause he wanted his postiin back deep down. IM PROBABLY GONNA MAKE A WHOLE PPST ABOUT SHIRO BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO.

4. Where was keith? He was on screen for like 2 seconds and off he went. Then everyone being pissed at him for having to choose. But when Shiro gets to be a paladin again they kinda screw keith over. They were suddenly okay with him leaving after the amount of preasure they put on him? Like that was odd to me.

5. MATT HOLT YASSSSSSS

6. Lance and Hunk did get shoved into the background more but they did tell us to be patient with their character development. They have to balance both that and plot dont you know.

7. Hunk is more than a joke guys. This show is meant for 7 year olds too. Could they do a but better with him ....yeah BUT he is badass. We saw that this season and everyone praises his ability. They rely on him too so i dont understand why you guys are blowing up over a few mistakes. Look at the bigger picture.

8. Pidge is my pride and joy loved epsiode 2 with the graveyard scene. That was for us adults to understand and relate more with her.

9. THE COMEDY WAS GOLD. Loved it. Ice skating voltron thats it.

10. I feel attacked that i didnt get to see shiro in that tight shirt lol

11. LOTOR SAVING THE DAY TF. I WONDERING where this plan might lead us if he joins voltron.

12. Speaking of lotor that bitch didnt hesitate. Hes cold

13. Klance isnt canon. Come on guys really, i like klance too but they are not a couple in the show. The writers dont have to write scenes about them (though it is nice). YOUR SHIP ISNT CANON GET OVER IT.

14. Sir.....excuse me. That was super awkward.

15. It seemed rushed. The episodes werent flowing that well they felt more episodic To me. Maybe thats because they had to fit alot in 6 epsiodes that could be it.

If i think of more things ill write a part 2. But rememeber guys please be kind to one another. We love the same thing , everyone is gonna have differnt things they like and dont like respect it. Also the creaters do so much for us already by continuing the show because if it gets bad enough reviews from you guys complaining it will get cancelled and i dont think anyone wants that. Instead have criticizem. Hope everyone has a good day!

#voltron spoilers

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saintkimora · 7 years

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i will make a full post about the retreat another day since i have so much hw rn but here is how my storyline w the republican club president went

so i met him at the start of the retreat, during the diversity training on campus. he told me that he was the republican club president so i was mentally like ew and then he told me he was gay and i was like ??? and he said he was also one of the founders of the gsa 3 years ago like.......HOW do you go from founding gsa to founding the republican club?????????????? literally what happened

so then he sat across the aisle from me and jami on the bus but i didnt talk to him. then we got to the actual retreat camp and he was STUCK to me and jami like he followed us everywhere!!!!! he sat with us at every meal and whenever he had group activities he always made his way into my group. at one meal we were all talking about our various hair problems and i said how i was growing mine out for my man but i dont like having it this long bc its thin and i dont like it and he was like “dont worry your hair is nice! youre very handsome” i was like ...............did he just call me handsome. but still we just thought he was really desperate for friends (since he was a huge attention seeker in every activity) and that he just attached to us bc we were somewhat nice and approachable or s/t

at one point he asked for my number bc he wanted our clubs to collab when we got back and i gave it to him just bc i didnt wanna be rude but i will literally die before i let my gsa collab with the republican club

so then jami and i were walking to the gazebo on the beach to take cute pictures and on the way there i was talking w her and i was like “he follows us everywhere...what if he develops a crush on me or something???” then we got to the gazebo and he was already there hanging out w a few others but i didnt mind bc i was like whatever i just wanna take cute gazebo on the water pictures for snapchat

so i pulled out my phone to open snapchat and saw i got a text 2 min ago that i didnt notice the vibration for and it was from adam and it said “do you wanna have some fun later? if you know what i mean” and i was like UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM jami we’ve gotta go

i tried to be discrete so luckily there were bees in the gazebo so jami and i were like ew bees and used that as an excuse to leave. so i walked w jami up the beach some more then up these stairs onto this grassy area with pews so we were out of the gazebos line of sight and showed her the text and she was SHOOK and so was i like i was freaking out i could NOT believe my eyes

like first of all i would never ever hook up w a republican let alone the very republican that united the evil on our campus and he wasnt cute either he was gross and his personality was fucking annoying too i hated him even before he made a pass at me

i didnt respond yet and at one point i had to go to my room to get my water bottle but he was in there in bed on his phone (his bed is diagonally across from mine) so i didnt wanna see him obv so i went in and he didnt notice me so i got my water and i saw my new friend anton on the bed reading hellboy (tbt to joel saying hellboy was hot) so i was like “ooh what are you reading?” just to make conversation since i was there to make friends after all. and as soon as republican adam heard my voice he like shot up in bed and looked at me like.....extra

after i told a few more of my new retreat sisters (including rochile) (also he is out btw and he literally announced he was gay to everyone during the diversity training so it wasnt like i was putting him on blast to everyone) and we all strategized and settled on me replying “i dont know what u mean” and we went about our business having fun and bonding and then he replied “i was thinking we could cuddle, or maybe something more intimate?” and i was like ............MESS so my sisters and i agreed to just say “No” so i did that and he didnt respond and then at our next meal i was escorted by my friends and we made people sit with us to fill up our table so there wouldnt be any room for him to sit with us lmao

so yeah i avoided him the rest of the day. then that night we played trivia but i was a little late along w many others so the csi (the org thats running the retreat) people were saying how some people werent there yet so according to multiple UNRELATED sources when the csi people said that adam got sad and said “why isnt he here yet....i should text him” and at the time i was peeing in my cabin and i got a text from him saying csi needed all of us in the willard cabin. i didnt respond bc i was rushing to get there

then after the bonfire it was our last night and i needed to shower. all of these guys were so shy like they would literally put their new clothes on IN the shower bc they didnt want anyone to see them naked like...flops but anyways i did not do that! adam could see into the bathroom from his bed if the door was open. i wanted to be petty and show him a glimpse of what he couldnt have so i showered but left the bathroom door open that way when i stepped out of the shower cubicle adam could see me towel myself off. i had the towel strategically hanging so it was just covering my dick so he could only see like my legs and then when i lowered the towel only my upper body. so sure enough when i was drying myself i caught him looking at me like LMAO

then he went to bed later and on the final day he didnt talk to me at all and sat far away from me on the bus ride home lmfao so that is my story of how the republican club president tried to get with me

#idk if he just wanted to get with me sexually or if he had an actual crush #i think it might be the latter since he literally followed me everywhere and always tried to talk to me and be nice to me #either way it was messy #it was like the scandal of the camp lmao #i only told like...7 people though and i didnt mention his name for some of them #personal

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adambstingus · 6 years

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Every Halloween, I Have A Story I Like To Tell

I liked Ben, I really did. I mean, he was a nice guy. We had some fun times together in college, messing around the dorm, going to parties, all the dumb shit that college guys do. He was cool and all, but he was a little pretentious. Well, I guess the word he used was artistic. He thought he was real smart, spent a lot of time trying to prove it to everyone. He had his own blog developed to film critiques not the big ones, though. Just little indie productions because nothing else was worth his time. When he got like that, he could be pretty insufferable.

Perhaps the most annoying thing that he did was performance art.

Now, I dont wanna be the guy who says that all performance art is dumb. But yeah, no, all performance art is dumb. Oh, look, youre on display painting a picture of Jesus from your own urine, how original and edgy! Maybe Im a little jaded, but it always seemed so contrived to me. Unfortunately, Ben really loved it. He thought there was something beautiful in art that was physically living and he devoted an embarrassing amount of time to it.

Anyway, I hung out with Ben a few times after college, but we mostly just met up to do some heavy drinking and maybe hit a strip club or two. He considered THAT performance art as well, which was just fine with me, it gave me an excuse to waste some ones. Since we didnt hang out very often, I had a bad feeling when he contacted me about a month before last Halloween.

He called me up at about seven in the morning on a Saturday, which is too early to even consider waking up, in my opinion. I answered in a daze and he started running his mouth like crazy, as though afraid that, if he didnt get it all out at once, he never would.

Mike, hey, Mikey, listen, buddy, I need your help, okay? Okay, okay, Ive got this idea for a performance and, well, its going to be , you know? So good! Its going down on Halloween. Can you come help? Look, Ill even pay you, man. Fifty dollars. So how bout it?

Now, Ive never cared much about Halloween one way or the other, and Im a pretty easy guy. Fifty dollars to probably just sit there and run a fog machine or some bullshit? For the right price, I could even pretend that I wanted to be there. Besides, what else are friends for?

A few days later, he gave me the details. To be honest, I was a little shocked when he sent the email. I know that performance art is intended to be edgy and can sometimes get a little dangerous, but this seemed downright negligent.

Mike:

Thanks for agreeing to do this for me! Ive talked to a few other people, but they werent really comfortable with it, for reasons youll probably be able to figure out. Of course, I understand if you want to back out, but I think you are probably the most reliable person I know. Its really not that big of a deal, Im sure youll agree.

As Im sure youve noticed, vampires have become very prominent in the media as of late. I say vampires because they are beginning to deviate so wildly from the traditional myths that they resemble forest fairies more than anything else. Altruistic? Sparkly? Whiny? Give me a break. We need more Dracula! We need more Carmilla! We need more death, destruction, and blood!

My performance will center on the theme of rebirthing the vampire. For the vampire to be reborn, he must first be buried. To turn peoples attentions back to the myths of old, I will be doing just that: I will be burying the vampire.

I have a group of viewers signed up already to participate in the performance, so you dont need to worry about that. Im going to plant a series of vampire-themed clues around town for them to follow. The clues should be pretty simple, and it will probably take no more than an hour to an hour-and-a-half for them to find me.

Here comes the somewhat controversial part. Essentially, for this performance to have any semblance of meaning, I need to be buried alive. Dont worry, its perfectly safe: I have a buddy from back home who is building me a coffin with a hole in the top. Ill be fixing it with a pipe that will stick an inch or two above the ground. That way, I wont run out of air. Ill also have a few necessities in the coffin in case something happens: food, water, and a flashlight.

Once they arrive at my grave which will be completely vampirized they will be provided with an array of shovels and will bring me back to life, a reincarnation of the true mythological history of vampires.

Here is where you come in. I need you to bury me. In addition, I need you to be my safety net: if they cant find me, if something goes wrong, if I become sick, I need you to be the one to get me out or call the police, if necessary. Ill also need you to decorate my grave, make it really creepy dont worry, Ill send you some blueprints.

I know this is a little stressful and it may take some time for you to decide, but, rest assured, this is a completely safe project. Theres no danger of suffocation and the coffin is sturdy, so its very unlikely that it will collapse. I really just need you there for support and the actual hard work of burying me.

What do you say? Id even be willing to up your pay to a hundred dollars, if thats what you need.

Let me know!

RIP,

Ben

I stared at my screen for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded.

Once I cut through all the bullshit about art and vampires and rebirth, what it came down to was death.

This guy actually wanted me to almost kill him.

I mean, sure, it probably WAS safe. But my mind went over the plan slowly. What if I couldnt get him out in time? One shovel and a pit of dirt wouldnt be a fast job. Furthermore, what if something happened to me?

Before making a decision, I sent him another email asking if he was really sure he was up for this. Of course he knew, he said. And then he said something that would always stick with me.

Art must be a little dangerous, my friend, for it to be real.

A month later, I found myself standing at the foot of a grave. It was six feet deep and perfectly rectangular. Sitting at the bottom was a tapered coffin covered with black lacquer, a white skull painted on the top. In the eye of the skull was a hole just big enough for the PVC pipe. Stenciled underneath was a line from Dracula: Denn die Todten reiten schnell.

I stood there like an idiot, waiting for Ben to show up.

In the end, Id decided to go along with his stupid gig. Ben was a stubborn bastard, and if I didnt help him, someone else would. At least, thats the justification I gave myself. But the real reason was that, deep inside my heart, his words were still echoing.

Id ended up doing a little more work than I had intended. For one, I had to place his stupid clues around the city. It wasnt hard work, but it took some time to get them all in the proper places. Luckily for Ben, they were pretty obvious clues. There was no need to worry that his participants would be unable to find him.

Ben had set up the grave and the coffin a few days prior to Halloween. It was out in the woods just on the outskirts of town, no chance of it being disturbed. Id tried to talk him out of burying it the whole six feet down.

If something happens and I need to get you out fast, what will I do? Cant you put it closer to the surface?

Ben had just shaken his head in exasperation. You just dont get it, do you? It has to be done right. Remember what I told you.

So I shrugged and let him mess around with whatever dumbassery would get him off.

I was just beginning to wonder if I should have brought more beer this promised to be a long night when Ben showed up.

I had to restrain my laughter when I saw his getup. A cheap Dracula costume from Wal-mart had never looked so pathetic, especially when topped off with those cheap plastic fangs. Hed greased his hair back and painted on a widows peak.

I couldnt resist. Wow, seriously, dude?

He gave me a stern look. Its a comment on the commercialization of vampires and horror as we know it today. He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie. Here, take one. The range isnt very far, but my cell phone wont work that far underground. Youll have to stay nearby. Let me know if youre going out of range.

I shrugged and took it. Okay, but you brought your cell just in case, right?

Nah, what good will it do if it doesnt work?

This guys batshit insane, I thought. But he handed me the hundred dollars and, suddenly, it didnt seem to matter anymore.

I helped him into the coffin and shut the lid. He seemed pretty calm if it were me, I knew Id be having a panic attack. I fit the PVC pipe into the hole. It slid in perfectly snug. I climbed out of the coffin and grabbed my shovel, taking one last look at the shiny black peeking out from the dirt.

With a resigned shrug, I started to shovel in the dirt. Okay, well, he asked for this, I thought.

It took almost a full hour to get all the dirt piled in. The PVC pipe was just barely visible over the grave. I piled the earth around it to hide it as well as I could. Then, I set up the rest of the grave: a hideously gothic headstone made of Styrofoam, and cheap Wal-mart flowers. Once it was finally finished, I sat back against a tree and waited.

There was an awful lot of waiting to be done.

Three hours later, his participants still hadnt come.

Hed buzzed in on the walkie talkie a few times, asking if theyd shown up. I continually answered in the negative, wondering how long hed be willing to keep up this charade. He must be getting worried, I thought, staring at my watch. It was already 10 pm and not a soul to be seen.

Hey, Mike? Something must have happened, I dont think theyre coming. Can you get me out of here? Bens voice crackled and faded in and out of the static fuzz. I took another swig of my beer and heaved a sigh.

Of course they werent coming. They were frantically searching for the last clue. My hand crept into my pocket as I felt it folded there, the creases poking at the soft flesh of my palm.

Mike? Are you there? Did you go out of range?

I turned the walkie talkie off. I didnt need it anymore, anyway. Carefully, I picked up a handful of disturbed earth from the top of the makeshift grave. I poured it down the pipe and listened.

I heard the muffled exclamation, the series of expletives. I thought I could hear a thumping sound he must be hitting the top of the coffin. I smiled a little to myself as I poured some more dirt in through the pipe.

Bens struggles got louder and I felt a certain heat rising up in me. Oh, I knew it could be good, but I didnt know it could be good. This was incredible. This was perfect. This was .

Eventually, I grew bored of shoving the earth down into the coffin. I could hear Bens screaming and sobbing reverberating up the pipe. I yanked a handkerchief out of my back pocket and stuffed it inside. I made sure to plug it up good and tight.

It would only be a matter of time, now. Assuming he could regulate his breathing, he could possibly have a few hours. But I knew he was panicking. And that would simply serve to shorten his time.

The pounding grew weaker as I finished my beer. Once I was certain there was no saving him, I went to finish my work.

Ben was right everything really did go off without a hitch. I dont know what I was so worried about.

Id gone to find his lost sheep, the wayward participants who were scrambling in frustration for the last clue. I scolded them for making us wait so long, acted the part of the reluctant friend indulging his lunatic companion. I took them out to the grave. It was now past midnight.

They sat hushed as I gave the stupid speech that Ben had prepared for me. Everything seemed normal Id made sure to stow the rag before anyone could see it.

Friends, foes, and everyone in between. Tonight we gather to resurrect the ancient horror that has plagued mankind for centuries. Its tale, once a gruesome epic of blood and seduction, has become nothing more than commercialized fodder as society has aged. Now, the time has come for the phoenix to burn and rise again. So, too, shall the blood-soaked visage of the vampire! My voice resonated throughout the woods, and the morons in attendance clapped as they all reached for their shovels.

We dug him up in about half an hour. It was much faster work with his host of suckers. It was good that we reached the coffin quickly, because I could barely contain my excitement.

Two of the men opened the coffin and screamed. The women leaned in over the grave to peek as well, full of expectancy. There was something dreadful about the scene, to be sure.

Bens face had gone gray, sprayed over with a few specs of dirt. His hands were bloody, his fingernails pried off. Deep scratches decorated the top of the lid. The men who had opened his tomb dragged him out in a panic, unsure if this was part of the performance or not. A few moments of silent listening at his chest produced no heartbeat. The proclamation was definitive: he was dead.

They screamed. They called the police. They alternatively looked at his body and shielded themselves from its horror, enraptured yet struggling.

They ignored me.

But that was fine. It was fine because they were admiring my work, the work of the artist. Finally, I had been given this opportunity to prove my worth. Finally, I had found my sacrificial lamb. And it had been a rousing success. The heat raging in my body affirmed that much. I didnt even care if I was caught, so long as I could have this moment to hold for the rest of my life.

Ben was right. I should have known a man of principle never lies. And I owe him a debt of gratitude, for realizing the artist within me.

Art must be a little dangerous for it to be real.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/every-halloween-i-have-a-story-i-like-to-tell/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172357360662

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samanthasroberts · 6 years