#they keep outdoing their previous videos

[astrophilip]

ok but rich gay husbands play silly games against each other in their million dollar house is like the most amazing vibe i can even imagine they hit the nail on the head with this one and i didn’t even know the nail existed

[lesbiskammerat]

I liked Elden Ring way more than I expected honestly. I was expecting to be into the world and story, because those are the parts I enjoyed about Dark Souls and especially Bloodborne, so I felt like the addition of GRRM would probably only make it better. But the whole "really hard game but with enough practice and skill you can beat it because it's fair" aspect of those games never appealed to me that much, like I get it but it's not my thing, I'm not usually that good at video games anyway.

In Elden Ring though that really clicked for whatever reason. Not because it's easier than the previous games, it certainly seems like you can make it easier with summons and ashes and spells and whatnot, but I never used those (except for Niall where I summoned my girlfriend to help me), and I think the game mostly feels more interesting without them. Not that I don't want them to be in the game, I think they're more or less a good addition, they're just not for me.

If anything it seems harder in certain ways. Like I've seen quite a few usual Soulsborne enjoyers say the late-game boss fights are too hard or unbalanced, that the only way to beat them is to use magic and summons. Except I'm a scrub and I beat them all (besides Niall of course and he's arguably a late-game boss) without doing any of that, and I had a blast. Late-game bosses like Maliketh, Malenia, Radagon and Godfrey were some of the best experiences for me.

So somehow the previously mentioned aspect of overcoming a huge but fair challenge has started appealing to me way more. Might be partially because I find the world and story so captivating, making me want to keep progressing so I can see and learn more. At first it felt like GRRM's influence was pretty minimal but as I kept playing and learning it really felt like his world and his story, and for all his faults I still enjoy his work a lot.

Also might be the fact that I started by watching my girlfriend play and so when I got the game, playing it was kind of a fun social experience, compared to me playing Dark Souls and Bloodborne completely on my own. I felt like I was walking in their footsteps, and trying to outdo them in small ways or find new things they'd missed was a fun extra challenge, without any pressure to be genuinely better than them because I know that's out of my league.

[gifted-burnout-archive]

Jim’s Best Friend

Chapter Nineteen - Mambo No. 5

Word Count: 3694

Author’s Note: Quite glad that the last chapter was short, because these next chapters are longgg. There’s a whole big flashback sequence here, which I haven’t really done before, so hopefully you guys like it. Yeah, Chapter Twenty will be coming soon, I want to get it perfect, so expect two-three days from now.

WARNING: none.

For previous chapters click here.

September, 2007.

It rained the day Pam was assigned to Dundie Duty.

Her required job one day a year had come round once more as Michael prepared for a final Dundies before he left for New York's corporate building, the man so confident the position was his that he was arranging to sell his condo despite the staff warning him to do otherwise. Still, Pam quite enjoyed Dundie Duty, getting paid overtime to make sure notes were taken and all the videos watched. She was tracking recipients of past awards, musical numbers Michael had performed, any sections of the tapes that received more applause than the normal. Her boss was desperate to outdo himself every year, and had even managed to agree that the Dundies would once again be part of the office's budget before he and Jan broke up.

As Pam stood up from the conference room's comfiest chair to switch tapes, a knocking caught her attention, walking over to open the door and smile up at Jim, who had coffees in hand. She took a cup from him and beckoned him into the conference room as she pushed in the next tape. Jim needed the break, needed a bit of fun amidst the boredom of his work. With Karen out on a sales call with Dwight, he had absolutely no one to talk to or torment, and spending time with Pam was a fine alternative.

He had been dialling down the time they spent together, they both had, though not for a lack of friendship. It just... It felt weird without Y/N there, it felt wrong to make memories without her. From day one of his job, Y/N had been by his side to help him, guide him through the office despite being younger than him, and she had done the same for Pam. And without her, the office felt empty, like the sunshine had disappeared and replaced by gloom and rain showers. Everybody in the office was a little off about the whole thing, they had been for a while. Even Dwight was missing her in spite of the reveal that no-one in the office was working against or for the CIA.

Pam took a seat beside Jim, both turning their attention to the television as Pam pressed play. The picture was black to begin with, with loud chatter coming out of the speakers. A moment later, Michael's face appeared on the tv, seemingly handing over the office camcorder as a certain song began to blare over the din.

"Toby, Toby, you have to record this." Michael pleaded, and Toby panned the camera to show Scranton's one and only semi-decent nightclub, Chases, only the footage depicted the club from at least five years ago. Toby said something that made Michael, looking a lot younger, laugh as he ran out onto the dancefloor, joined by a young woman, the pair taking centre stage.

"Wait, is this really?" Jim asked, moving closer to the screen to be sure. Pam nodded fast in his peripheral, a bright smile on her face as the song began, Michael and Y/N beginning to perform along to the Lou Bega hit, Mambo No. 5.

--

September, 2002.

Jim really wasn't expecting to be invited to the office party that night, and a part of him begged for his brain to make up an excuse, any excuse, to get out of the dreaded situation. He wasn't planning to stick around this office for much longer, the last thing he needed was attachments to more people before he got out. But, Michael had insisted, as had Dwight, Pam and Y/N. So as the clock hit 5 that night, he helped set out chairs in the conference room for some sort of team building exercise called 'The Dundies'.

Michael, Dwight and Y/N had refused to tell either him or Pam about it, and Jim couldn't deny that the vague answers and whispers had him intrigued about the whole thing. He had only been in the office for a few months, yes, but by the way the team around him spoke of The Dundies, it was an ancient ritual or something, and he should be honoured to attend.

"If you keep flexing those muscles Halpert, Michael will move you down to the warehouse." A voice spoke up from the doorway, and Jim turned from placing down a table to see Y/N leaning against the door frame, a smirk on her lips as she teased him. Jim looked down at his arms and laughed a little, fixing the last few chairs into place. The rest of the office was finishing up, and it seemed that Y/N was the first.

She had been the first face he saw on his first day, the pair becoming desk buddies with Dwight. And what Michael gave too much of in bravado and lack of personal boundaries, Y/N had cancelled out with friendly tips and pranks on Dwight to calm Jim's nerves. She ran him through the phone extensions, the computer systems, helped him settle in with the rest of the employees at Dunder Mifflin. When Pam came in a few weeks later, she had repeated the process, and the three had become quite close in the past few months of working alongside one another. Y/N had even showed them how to get free candy out of the new vending machine in the breakroom.

"Y/L/N, you know we need a strongman in the office." Jim posed, making his colleague giggle. The pair were remarkably close for the short span of time they had known one another, finding that someone to confide in, someone to be friendly with both out and inside the Scranton Business Park buildings.

"We've got Stanley." Y/N quipped back, and Jim held a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. She sent a wink his way, turning with a flip of her hair and skipping back out onto the main floor, encouraging everyone into the conference room, where free food and booze were waiting. Jim had to move out the way as Stanley, Kevin and Meredith all rushed in, and he found himself a seat with Pam and Y/N in the front while the rest of the Dunder Mifflin team filed in.

"Is it ok that I'm scared?" Pam asked him in a whisper, letting out anervous laugh. Jim smiled back, taking a second to admire the receptionist's beauty before answering.

"I think if you weren't, there'd be a problem." Jim responded, the pair sharing a grin. He looked back, seeing a few of the warehouse team. and frowning a little. "I thought Roy would be here..." He commented, and Pam sighed, shrugging a little. The pair had been dating for a while, before Jim knew her, but Roy was yet to make an appearance at any work event Michael had hosted. The look on Pam's face told him not to bring it up again, and he gave her hand a squeeze. "You, me and Y/N. We'll do something fun after this." He suggested, glancing to Y/N for confirmation. Y/N nodded quickly, taking Pam's other hand in a show of support.

"Chases, we'll head over in a hour, get some early evening drinks." Y/N suggested, her coworkers nodding.

"Ladies and gentlemen!!" A voice boomed from outside the conference room door, the lights going off and causing Stanley to grumble at not seeing his crossword. Dwight walked in first, flashlight in hand that he shone on Michael, who entered with a strut, dressed in a magician's cape. "Welcome to the fifth Annual Dundie Awards!" He announced, and Y/N began cheering, trying her best to boost the atmosphere of the room. The rest of the team gave in, beginning a round of applause that Michael bowed to.

"Let us begin with our history..." Michael stopped, looking to Dwight with wide eyes. Dwight muttered to himself quickly, running behind the boss to turn back on the overhead lights, then scooting back to his position by the office's only laptop, already set up with a powerpoint presentation Pam was made to work on. Michael sighed as Dwight scurried, tapping his foot impatiently before continuing. "I started the Dundies in '97, my first year as Assistant Regional Manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin as a thank you to all you folk. And now, the Dundies are truly a historic event in Scranton!" Michael ended the brief history with a holler, and Y/N whooped. Jim watched her leave her chair for the back of the room where snacks and drinks were, coming back with thre red solo cups. Jim took two from her, handing the second to Pam, the three cheers-ing as Michael continued to ramble.

"Drink up..." Y/N encouraged, taking a gulp of her own and shivering. "Makes it all much more fun." She assured, and Jim shrugged, following her lead. He brought the cup to his lips, taking a swig and coughing hard as he swallowed, his throat on fire. It sent Y/N and Pam into a small fit of laughter, and Jim did his best to hide his embarassment.

"So, our first award goes to the Number Cruncher... Oscar!" Michael held up a miniature plastic trophy, Jim realising he had seen a few similar scattered around Michael's office and the main floor. He had thought it was just a vanity thing. Dwight tapped the computer, Oscar's name and award appearing on the screen behind Michael. Oscar came up, taking his award with a smile and nod before disappearing to the back of the room.

The night continued on, and only after Creed's confession that his using the women's bathroom wasn't a mistake, making his 'Most Embarassing Moment' award redundant, Michael placed the last three awards on the table.

"Now, the past few months we have been blessed with the presence of three new employees in the office, sort of. So, to start of with, the old new girl, Y/N." Michael gestured to Y/N, who laughed along, taking another sip from her solo cup. "For you, we have the Hangover Cure Award. Because no matter how many nights a week you go out, you always seem to be completely fine the next morning..." Michael handed Y/N the award, who stood up and pretended to wave the adoring crowd, getting a few laughs from the team.

"I just..." She looked at the plastic in her hand and pretended to wipe a tear away. " I want to thank my body. For, first, processing alcohol fast enough to avoid a hangover, and second, for getting me the dates that lead to aforementioned alcohol consumption in the first place." Her false sincerety made Jim laugh loudly, and he gave her leg a nudge with his own as she sat down.

"You've jinxed it now... Hangovers will haunt you from now on..." Jim teased, and she rolled her eyes playfully, resting her head on his shoulder and Michael moved on to Pam's award.

"For our new receptionist, Pamela, Pam Pam, we have the Hottest in the Office Award, mixed with the Doodler Award. Accept it with grace, and preferably with cleavage on show." Michael announced, a few audible sighs coming from the crowd as Pam stood and accepted her award with a quick smile.

"And finally, Slim-Jim... James Halpert, you receive the award of the Jim Halpert Award." Michael handed over the award, Jim raising a hand as the team let out a small round of applause. "For being, for just being you, Jim." Michael said with a dazed look in his eyes, and Y/N smiled up at the red cheeked Jim.

The team began getting ready to go, heading back out to their desks to collect bags and the like, Y/N taking a few extra moments to perfectly place her Dundie on her desk. Jim walked over to Pam's desk, pulling on his jacket and taking Y/N's off the hanger for her.

"You guys looking forward to Chases?" Jim asked a little too loudly, and Y/N hushed him as he spoke, but the damage was done. Michael appeared out of thin air, and waved his arms frantically to get the attention of the office.

"What did you say about Chases? We're going to Chases? Ok, people! Mandatory trip to Chases, drinking is on the company tab." Michael announced. "If you don't come you will lose out on any sort of Christmas bonus!" He added, giving no one a choice but to join the three barely legal newbies for a night of boozing.

As Jim walked over to Chases from the office, the bar just across the road, he wondered how bizarre the sight must have seemed. The age range of the shuffling employees ranged from 21 to 50 plus, a mass moving along the sidewalk towards the flashing lights of Chases. He and Pam shared a look, wondering how this night might end up turning out, but their worries were dismissed upon seeing the smile on Y/N's face.

The idea of the entire office coming on a night out appealed to her despite her initial protests. These people she worked with her more than friends, and she was sure it could be a fun night if everyone gave in to the situation.

After a few questionable looks from the bouncers, the team made their way inside and settled down a a few booths and tables in a corner of the club, Michael ordering a round for the team of shots and alcoholic beverages of choice.

"Everyone is going to enjoy tonight. That's an order." He called out, but it wasn't like anyone would speak up against the man buying them drinks. Jim found himself seated with Pam and Y/N, Angela and Dwight across from them, and Michael parading between their table and where Phyllis sat with Kevin, Oscar, Creed and Meredith. As drinks were sat down, Y/N raised her shot into the centre of the table, prompting the others to follow suit.

"Come on Angela! One night of fun is the least you could allow yourself." Y/N pleaded when Angela refused her drinks. "Even Dwight is joining in." She urged, looking over to Dwight for help. The man nodded and smiled as wide as he could at Angela.

"... One drink couldn't hurt..." The blonde said slowly, lifting the shot glass and drinking with the rest of you.

Twenty minutes later, the girls had left for the dance floor, Angela actually having fun for the first time since Jim had known her. To his left, Dwight sat with a fruity cocktail in his hand, watching Pam, Angela and Y/N dance on the club floor before them.

"She's pretty..." Dwight muttered, and Jim couldn't help but follow his eyeline. There was Pam her head thrown back from a joke Y/N had made as they bounced along to the music. She was stunning, and Jim took another drink of his own cocktail, sighing with a goofy smile on his face.

"Yeah, she is." He responded, the pair clinking glasses and watching the commotion of their employees. The customer service girls were chatting with Phyllis and Meredith, sharing a pitcher of Sex on the Beach at one of the booths, Michael going round and filming everything he could. Toby stood with Oscar and Kevin, all drinking beers and quietly mumbling in a far corner, Creed had disappeared, and Stanley was sat nearby, doing his crossword.

It took a few moments for the DJ to switch the songs, but when he did, Jim watch Michael force the camcorder into Toby's hands, yelling at him to catch 'it'. Jim recognised the song, sure, it was Mambo No. 5, but he couldn't quite understand why Michael and Y/N were looking eyes, squealing like girls at a boyband concert, and rushing into the centre of the dancefloor as the opening beats began. Jim excused himself from Dwight's side, heading over to Phyllis as he finished his drink.

"What... What's going on?" Jim asked over the pulsing beat, and Phyllis laughed, Michael and Y/N beginning some sort of energetic dance routine. It looked like something he would watch on dancing with the stars, a jive step kick thing and lots of shimmy-ing.

"The pair went to a dance class last year... The can't hear this song and not dance." PHyllis chuckled, taking a sip of her martini and cheering the pair on, prompting those surrounding her to do the same. The floor cleared for the pair to perform, sliding their way around the room, pretending to drive a car. When the lyrics came around, calling out, coincidentally, the names of the girls in the office, Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita were all beckoned onto the dance floor by Y/N, who seemed to take lead as the music continued.

She was electric, and Jim felt a stupid grin tug on his lips as she began pulling more and more of the team onto the floor for the second verse, taking a position with Michael in front of almost all of the rest of their team, the pair leading the through the next section.

"Jump up and down, and move it all around, shake your head to the sound and put your hands on the ground." Lou Bega's voice hollered, Jim now stood alone watching the events unfold. He never really danced, but by the wink Y/N sent him, and the continuous eye contact as she salsa stepped in a circle with Michael, he knew it was only a matter of seconds. As the second chorus began, she rushed over to him, taking his drink and setting it on the table behind him.

"I don't dance, Y/L/N." Jim began to protest, reluctantly being led onto the dance floor, much to the joy of his fellow employees.

"You dance with me." Y/N replied, Toby circling around the as the pair fell into hold, beginning a bouncy two step , Jim's hand holding Y/N close to his body. He spun her under his arm, the pair joining by the hands next, Y/N leading his movements with her body. He did his best to keep up, encouraged by the cheers from the girls nearby and Michael.

"I do all to fall in love with a girl like you." Jim and Y/N sang along with the final lyrics of the song, Y/N catching Jim off guard and spinning him under her arm. His head caught, the pair crashing to the floor in laughter as the song ended.

It was a moment of complete joy, for everyone involved, and for a second Jim hoped he could be frozen in time.

--

"Wow..." A voice interrupted Jim and Pam's viewing, Michael having slipped into the room unnoticed at some point. "I looked so young... We all did it's..." He chuckled to himself, Pam removing the video tape and holding it to her chest, wanting to keep in contact with the fond memories just a few moments longer.

"The night that inspired Dwight's and your recorder cover the next year." Pam said with a giggle, sharing a look with Michael that made Jim frown. He had missed something they both saw.

"What?" Jim asked, taking a final sip of his coffee, grimacing at the lukewarm fluid in his mouth before swallowng. Pam looked over at him, trying to figure out if he was kidding or not, before rolling her eyes.

"You really didn't see it? The way she was looking at you, the way you were looking at her. I don't think I've seen you dance like that since, Halpert." Pam was straight to the point, and Jim felt his cheeks flushing. "It's pretty clear why she decided to kiss you in April."

"We're friends, Pam... We've always been just friends." Jim tried to defend himself, and Michael scoffed.

"You're delusional Jim, and you know it." Michael muttered, though neither he nor Pam would say the truth outright, Jim being with Karen and all. But the three of them knew the unspoken reality of the situation:

Jim had been in love with Y/N for years, and her him.

And now, she was Lord knows where and uncontactable. Pam had been trying to get a response for weeks, but Y/N's phone had been switched off, every call going to voicemail, every message going undelivered.

Jim sat there, elbows on knees, he and his colleagues all looking out at the desk Y/N had sat at, still empty. Michael had refused to hire anyone else, and the seat had become a sort of shrine. When Dwight had tried to steal Y/N's old chair because his own had begun squeaking, Michael had caught him red handed and demanded he pay penance for his crime: Dwight had been washing Michael's clothes for a month.

"So, are you both ready for the interviews next week?" Pam asked, changing the subject as she gathered up the tapes and tidied the away, the clock nearing lunchtime. The men drew their gaze away from Y/N's desk and back to Pam, Michael being the first to speak.

"Yes ma'am... Leaving early Friday morning." Michael nodded as he spoke, giving Jim one last look before leaving, a sigh escaping his lips as he headed back to his office. The kid had no idea, and it was probably too late to fix it now.

The two friends stood in silence, Pam moving the watched videos over to the table. She stopped for a second, running her fingers over the casing backs, a sad smile on her lips.

"You know, when you leave for New York... That'll be it." She spoke up, and Jim looked up at her, his expression asking for an explanation. "It's just, you'll be in New York... And if everything goes well, I'll be up in Albany with the design team by Christmas... Scranton will be a memory." The words were sad to say, but someone had to say them. They had to move on, once more, to better things. And be happy for each other about it.

"It wasn't meant to end like this..." He said, finally voicing his own opinion, and Pam shrugs. What could they do? She left the room quietly, heading towards the kitchen to pick up her lunch, and leaving Jim to think everything over properly.

Because, when all was said and done, the finale followed.

--

Tags: @imsuperawkward @poppirocks @rosie2801​ @onceuponahuntersrealm @aziggya @suitelifeofafangirl​

[tehohaews]

ORTHYYYYYY YOUR LAST TEHOAW EDIT OMG ITS SO BEAUTIFUL BABY , YOU OUTDID YOURSELF WITH THIS ONE I LOVE IT SO MUUUCHHHH 🥺🥺🥺🥺 talented queen teach me your way!!! 💖💖💖💖I really want to learn how to blend gifs!!!!! I WANT TO TRY BUT I JUST I WOULD FAIL DJDJDJD anyway baby I hope you don’t mind i tagged your post as inspo I just really really love it a lot, it’s one of my favorite edit of yours SIGHHH 😭😭😭😭 hope you’re alright baby take care!!!

MARI OMG DUHDUFHUHDF 😭😭😭😭 The way i melted when i saw this ask 🤧🤧🤧🤧 thank you soo soooo much. It means a lot cause i really did try to outdo all my previous edits. Talay see dum is my favorite song from ipytm (I havent watched the recent mv yet and I REFUSE to watch it until im ready to let them go), so anyway yeah that whole mv was so cute and I imagined it as the canon version 😙 the tehjai bar scene in ep4 didnt happen okay 😁. So that mv healed my post ep3 broken heart so i haddd to do smth with it. And since ipytm was also ending i was a bit emotional cause itsay is such a beautiful and unique show and I wanted everyone to really feel it's beauty. And a major part of their story involves the sea so I really wanted to convey the feeling of the sea and the water so when anyone sees that set THEY WOULD FEEL what a beautiful show this was. Thus i used all beach and water scenes in that set and dfhudfhd atfirst i knew what i wanted with the first 2 gifs but then i struggled with keeping it to water scenes only and then blending those two to make it seem continuous lol (not to brag but THAT WATER IN THE 3RD GIF DHDFUUHDF IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME WAVES 😭😭😭 i won). omg i talk a lot so yes basically that set was me expressing my gratefulness to this beautiful show and then after i posted it i got so many nice tags and i think another person also tagged it as inspo even tho they dont go here dfhdfuhfd. So ofc bby i dont mind 💕💕 my intention from the start was making everyone FEEL the set rather than just seeing it so I'm so glad that it inspired you 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕. ALSO OMG PLEASE LEARN BLENDING it's amazing and you can make so many creative sets with it. CREATE SCENES OUT OF THIN AIR 😙😙 you'd be unstoppable. It's really not that hard just convert your gif to a video timeline>> convert to smart object>>add a layer mask>>start erasing until you are happy. Quan taught me blending actually so I dont have a link to a post but I'm sure you can find a good tutorial here. Also for a good blending, try to make sure that the scenes have a similar lighting and nothing too drastic like day and night scenes. Although you can do it i think but you need to color each gif so they go together. Like for the 3rd gif of my set the 2nd one is a night scene and the first one is a day scene. I put the two gifs on one canvas without any coloring and then i colored them side by side so that i can see the coloring of each one and whether they match hehe. ALSO always lower the opacity and flow of your brush that's really all you need to make it look good. And don't just use the brush in straight lines, use it diagonally or according to the scene of the gifs. OKAY I'LL STOP NOW dfuhdfuh tell me if you need any help 💕💕 I'm cheering for you from the sidelines 😙😙 YOU CAN DO IT.

[yasxgamal]

Basic Information

Full name: Yasin Gamal Pronunciation: ee-ah-ceen gah-mah-l Nickname(s): Yas, E. Birthdate: November 20th, 1986 Age: 34 Zodiac: Scorpio Gender: Male Pronouns: He/him/his Romantic orientation: Panromantic Sexual orientation: Pansexual Nationality: English Ethnicity: Egyptian Current location: London, UK Living conditions: Yas' place is a one-bedroom mess. It's a good flat, spacious and in a good location, all things considered, but he's not the best at decorating. Apart from the very odd artwork or two hanging crookedly on the walls, there isn't much more to it. He keeps his space clean and tidy when he has the time to do that, but it's not a very personal place. Also probably smells like smoke most of the time -- or, air freshener if he's trying to impress you.

Background

Birthplace: London, UK Hometown: London, UK Social Class: Wealthy if you count the parents' money, Middle if you consider his own money and lifestyle currently, and his tendencies to waste it all on cigarettes. Educational achievements: A really fancy degree in Computer Sciences and Computer Engineering at the most expensive college in the UK Father: Omar Gamal Mother: Safiya Gamal Sibling(s): Samir Gamal and Aisha Gamal. Birth order: Samir, Yas, Aisha is the youngest. Pets: Ramen, the stray cat that crawls in through his window and occasionally spends weeks sleeping inside, and then disappears for months on end. Previous relationships: One big relationship in college for 3 years, a miserable breakup. Then mostly only casual things after that, none he would consider true relationships. Arrests: N/A Prison time: N/A

Occupation & Income

Current occupation: Programmer for the Time Machine project Dream occupation: Programmer for the first working Time Machine Past job(s): College Era: various internships, waiter, freelance photographer for kids' parties, freelance I.T., tech teacher for the elderly, tech teacher for children, coder and manager for a pornographic film company's website. Post-College Era: has helped coding and programming several apps and softwares independently, then a stable job at GoodCore Software Ltd. as SQA Lead. Spending habits: Yas spends a lot on cigarettes and technology, but everything else he doesn't care enough for. In debt?: No Most valuable possession: Emotionally, his own laptop or phone, and all the photos and memories stored in them, as well as his work. Legally and monetarily, though, it's the BAFTA statuette from his sister, which he now gets to keep for a year because he won a bet (it's fine, she has more than one).

Skills & Abilities

Physical strength: Average Speed: Average Intelligence: Above Average when it comes to all things technology, Average on some other subjects. Accuracy: Average Agility: Above Average Stamina: Above Average Teamwork: Great in environments where everyone is delegated a certain job and he gets to do his thing in his corner to add to the mix. When it comes to people wanting to mess with his codes, he gets a bit stubborn and difficult to deal with. Shortcomings: often lets his pride ruin things, a bit of an inflated ego when it comes to his work, bad at communicating. Languages spoken: English, Arabic Drive?: Yes Jump-start a car?: No Change a flat tyre?: Yes Ride a bicycle?: Poorly Swim?: Yes Play an instrument?: If you count the guitar lessons in his childhood (he does) Play chess?: Yes Braid hair?: No Tie a tie?: Yes Pick a lock?: No Cook?: Yes, the very bare minimum, and he hardly does it.

Physical Appearance & Characteristics

Faceclaim: Rami Malek Eye colour: Greyish green Hair colour: Black Hair type/style/length: Shaved on the sides, originally short on top but it grows out too fast and he can't be bothered to get a haircut, so it grows out curly. When it starts to become a mop and look like he has a helmet of hair on, he cuts it short again, and repeats that cycle. Glasses/contacts?: No, but they're needed. He has shit eyesight and no one ever forced him to get glasses so he never did. Don't ask him to read any signs that are far away. Dominant hand: Right Height: 5'9 / 175cm Weight: 154 lb / 70kg Build: Slim Exercise habits: Nonexistent, but he does a lot of walking Skin tone: Olive (Type IV) Tattoos: The initials of his siblings, A.S. in a simple font, on the bottom of his ribs on his right side. They all have matching ones. He continuously tells them the joke that they should get a fourth sibling with an S name, so he can get A.S.S. tattooed instead. Piercings: None Marks/scars: Several small scars around his legs and arms, from climbing around and getting into trouble as a middle child desperate for attention. A more notorious scar runs up behind his left elbow from a night in college when he got wasted with his friends and had an accident with a knife (don't ask). Clothing style: Black, a lot of black. The most colourful thing in his closet might be a dark grey jumper. Very minimalistic in the sense that he never wears patterns or colours or graphic tees, it's always just very dry and kind of bland. He probably could get into fashion if he wanted to, but he feels bad spending so much of his hard-earned money on the high-fashion stuff. Also he can frequently be spotted wearing those compression gloves/braces on his hands, for carpal tunnel syndrome Jewellery: A couple necklaces that have no emotional attachment besides "I thought they were cool so I bought them", but he's never without them, even when they mostly just hang inside his shirts. Dabbles in rings if he's feeling fancy. Allergies: None Diet: Consists of mostly snacks. He occasionally buys the healthy kind, like a couple granola bars or some fruit, but if he's going through a big project, he'll only snack. Anything easy to eat with one hand goes. He does, however, understand the value of nutrition and that he needs to fuel his body properly every once in a while; when that happens, he resorts to ordering food from some healthy restaurant nearby. It's basically a couple salads a month and then nothing but Doritos for days straight. Physical ailments: Carpal tunnel syndrome happens often enough that it's almost chronic, because he doesn't usually take breaks or stretch his wrists out like he's supposed to. Back pain from sitting all day (and bad posture) is also so present that he barely notices it anymore.

Psychology

MBTI type: INTJ Enneagram type: Type Five Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Temperament: Somewhere between Phlegmatic and Melancholic? Element: Water Emotional stability: Who is she! Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert Obsession(s): Outdoing his siblings, no matter how much he loves them Compulsion(s): Working to the point of forgetting to take care of himself Phobia(s): Acrophobia and atychiphobia Addiction(s): Cigarettes/Vaping Drug use: Sometimes wrongly and terribly pops an Adderall when pulling all-nighters. Has smoked weed before, but he doesn't love the slowness of when he gets high. Alcohol use: Not very often nowadays, but the occasional blackout still happens. He's known to become a completely different person when he drinks, much more loose and fun and happy, so he does it sparingly Prone to violence?: No Prone to crying?: No Believe in love at first sight?: Yes, but doesn't think he's the type to ever experience that, since it takes a while for him to get close to people, so he believes in it as an abstract concept

Mannerisms

Accent: RP English Speech quirks: A lot of pauses between words and sentences, since he often thinks a lot before he speaks. The occasional ums and uhs and some stuttering if his mind is working faster than he can speak, too. Hobbies: Photography, playing video games, reading novels (graphic or otherwise), finding passive-aggressive memes to send into the Gamal siblings groupchat Habits: Stealing wifi, smoking and vaping, ordering delivery of everything instead of getting it himself Nervous ticks: lip chewing, tapping fingers, bouncing one knee, scratching his neck/jaw or touching his nose Drives/motivations: It's all for the glory, babey Fears: Never achieving anything grand Sense of humour?: It goes as far as memes and roasting his loved ones, but not much further than that. He's usually not comfortable enough to crack jokes, but you might get a sarcastic comment or two if you're lucky. Deep down, he can be sharp and quick-witted, but it doesn't come out often, unless he's having drinks. Do they curse often?: Hecc yes, probably as a form of rebellion against his posh parents

Favourites

Animal: Tarsier Beverage: Strong black coffee with two spoons of sugar Book: Don Quixote, by Miguel de Cervantes Colour: Green Food: Zalabya Flower: Jasmine Gem: Peridot Mode of transportation: Walking, and if not, the metro Scent: Oranges Sport: Tennis Weather: Rainy enough that he doesn't feel anyone's judgement for staying inside all day Vacation destination: Japan

Attitudes

Greatest dream: Finally being famous for his work Greatest fear: Never achieving anything big enough to make him happy, and being forever miserable because of it Most at ease when: Left by himself or enjoying someone else's company that he's truly comfortable with, probably in silence, doing his own thing Least as ease when: Forced into environments where he has to put on fancy clothes and pretend to be enjoying himself when he's not. Alternatively: when he's going on hour 32 without any sleep and he's denied more coffee Worst possible thing that could happen: Achieving greatness but realising he needs something else in order to feel fulfilled and be happy Biggest achievement: His degree and hopefully the first working Time Machine Biggest regret: He doesn't like to say he regrets things, so there's nothing he'd call a huge regret. But if he had to say something, he'd probably say it was not telling that one high school crush that he liked them.

[cantillat-moved]

I was watching a video and was thinking about my muses reactions to horror stories, or a round of sharing them.

Shirou’s best friend, Issei, is a monk in training. He heard plenty of horror stories and, while they don’t particularly affect him, he does plays along in the general mood. He always have a good story that amps the scary a little bit than the previous one, but never outshines. Never truly afraid, just having a good time. Archer thinks it is childish but will join in to outdo Shirou. It escalates to an all-out contest between the two of them. (Younger) Waver also thinks it is stupid and won’t do it, but will freak out the scarier the stories get and will eventually end up the night shrieking. Lord El-Melloi II will just listen, most of the time. He understands why kids think it is fun but won’t be particularly interested. If asked to tell a story, will tell one of his adventures and it will probably scar people for life. Gray is afraid of ghosts. She is weak. Please protect her. She will jump over any small noise, get startled and, if El-Melloi is around, might try hide behind him or just retreat into her hoodie. Add might jumpscare the group at some point. Soma lost all interest for horror stories after being dragged into Dracula’s Castle inside a solar eclipse. He might tell a story if people insist, but it will be something that Mina or Yoko told him, and he will ruin the story. Dracula has a lot of pride for traditions and story, and will enjoy the opportunity of telling ghost tales and he is quite good at it. Aiba watched a few horror youtubers and thinks she can produce the PERFECT horror story. God help ups all. Komaru will DELIGHT, she will REVEL and tell all the scary stories, including her own “adventures”, and will react gleefully to all the tales, even to the bad ones. Rantaro knows a number of scary stories across the globe, and will gladly tell all that he can remember as long people keep on requesting. He also has a bunch of younger sisters, so he is quite good at telling them. Kyoko isn’t scared, she knows it isn’t real but will partake because she has interest in learning more about things people do. The detective knows a surprisingly good amount of stories and is good in telling them. All of Snoopy’s stories start with “It was a dark and stormy night” and none of them are very scary…. Raidou is the evil ghost of the stories he knows

[erinevrly]

            FATHER’S  DAY.  each  year ,  while  other  children  and  adults  hit  the  stores  looking  for  the  most  adorable  cards ,  colorful  bouquets  and  other  sweet ,  thoughtful  gifts ,  erin  attempts  to  ignore  even  the  tiniest  things  that  could  remind  her  about  the  loving  dad  she’s  never  had.  as  the  radio  stations  across  the  country  play  songs  dedicated  to  all  these  admirable  parental  figures  who  have  inspired  their  offsprings  to  achieve  great  things  in  life  and  the  commercials  on  the  tv  speak  only  about  spoiling  the  ones  who  have  taught  the  future  generations  how  to  be  better  people ,  she  pretends  she  doesn’t  hear  the  obvious  messages  they  carry  and  avoids  turning  these  two  devices  on.  she  even  goes  as  far  as  trying  to  convince  herself  that  everything’s  simpler  and  better  the  way  it  is  —  she  doesn’t  have  to  spend  hours  wondering  how  to  honor  her  dad ,  how  to  be  more  creative  than  her  siblings ,  how  to  outdo  herself  and  whatever  gift  she  gave  him  the  previous  year.  she  doesn’t  want  to  be  pitied  and  tries  to  play  it  cool  but  deep  down  it  tears  her  heart  to  pieces.  unfortunately ,  there’s  nothing  that  can  be  done  to  change  it.  her  father  has  been  gone  for  exactly  twenty  years ,  absent  physically ,  as  well  as  emotionally.  he’s  missed  all  of  her  birthday  parties ,  all  of  her  recitals  and  school  plays ,  wasn’t  there  to  teach  her  how  to  drive  a  car  or  fix  a  dripping  faucet  or  even  just  watch  her  fly  her  first  kite  at  the  shore.  all  he’s  left  her  with  are  thousands  of  scars ,  the  constantly  bleeding  wounds  that  refuse  to  gradually  go  away  as  time passes ,  and  the  only  lesson  he’s  ever  taught  her  is  how  to  question  every  person,  or  rather  every  man ,  who  tries  to  offer  her  his  LOVE.  he  doesn’t  deserve  to  be  called  a  father  and  for  two  decades  erin’s  tried  to  erase  this  day ,  behave  as  if  it  was  just  another  sunday  in  june ,  as  though  there  was  nothing  special  about  it.

            however ,  ever  since  learning  that  she’ll  become  a  parent  herself  this  november ,  she’s  been  thinking  a  lot  about  her  own  childhood  and  how  it  shaped  her  into  the  person  she  is  today.  her  father’s  absence  is  the  reason  why  she  constantly  questions  her  worth  and  worries  her  husband  will  one  day  abandon  her ,  too.  her  mother’s  authoritarian  personality  is  the  one  to  blame  for  her  shyness  and  anxiety ,  her  extremely  protective  nature  the  cause  for  erin’s  childish  and  naive  behavior.  her  parents  have  never  been  perfect  but  she’s  been  doing  her  best  to  try  and  understand  them ,  forgive  and  learn  how  not  to  repeat  their  mistakes.  she’s  been  thinking  about  all  the  difficulties  that  come  with  parenthood ,  all  the  struggles  and  tears.  it  terrifies  her ,  makes  her  wonder  if  a  person  as  broken  as  herself  is  fit  for  this  extremely  important  and  challenging  role.  the  only  thought  that  can  put  a  genuine  smile  on  her  face  and  keep  her  sane  today  is  the  one  that  crosses  her  mind  every  time  her  stormy  gaze  flickers  to  her  husband’s  bright  emeralds  —  their  child  will  never  feel  the  way  she  has.  they  will  never  feel  worthless  or  inadequate ,  unloved  or  unwanted.  their  child  will  have  someone  who  deserves  to  be  called  not  just  farther  or  dad  but  daddy  or  DADA.  someone  who’ll  truly  care  about  him  or  her.  although ,  the  first  few  weeks  have  been  nothing  but  a  gigantic  struggle  for  both  of  them ,  it  seems  that  they’re  finally  coming  to  terms  with  the  fact  that  their  lives  are  inevitably  changing.  this  giant  responsibility  has  landed  upon  their  shoulders  a  little  sooner  than  expected  but  she  doesn’t  want  to  pull  her  hair  out  or  cry  all  night ,  anymore.  she  wants  to  hope  for  the  best  and  enjoy  their  time  together  as  a  family.  

            today  is  an  extremely  special  day  because  not  only  is  it  axl’s  first  ever  father’s  day  but  also  the  very  first  father’s  day  that  erin’s  truly  excited  about  and  wants  to  celebrate  to  the  fullest.  their  baby  hasn’t  even  been  born  yet  but  her  husband  has  already  made  her  believe  that  he’s  a  better  man  and  a  better  father  than  don (  or  william ,  or  stephen ,  or  any  other  sperm  donor  in  this  world  ).  he’s  proven  that  he  can  be  the  kind  of  parent  everyone  wants  to  have.  he  hasn’t  left  her  alone  with  this.  he’s  been  extremely  caring  and  supportive ,  even  though  she  can  tell  that  this  new  role  isn’t  something  he’s  adjusting  to  easily.  for  this  very  reason ,  as  a  little  thank  you for  his  kindness ,  she’s  decided  to  give  him  an  unforgettable  day  —  one  that’s  solely  about  him.  first ,  she  let  him  sleep  in ,  get  some  much  needed  rest.  then ,  she  made  him  heart - shaped  waffles  for  breakfast  and  brought  them  on  a  wooden  tray  to  their  bedroom.  later ,  they  went  for  a  long  walk  with  their  dogs  and  got  ice  cream.  and  now  she’s  taking  him  to  malibu ,  to  their  favorite  spot ,  the  same  one  where  many  years  ago  they  had  their  first  real  date  and  realized  they  had  fallen  in  love  with  each  other.  if  she  closes  her  eyes  even  just  for  a  moment ,  she  can  still  see  this  young ,  bashful  boy  with  dreams  bigger  than  both  of  them  and  a  heart  so  full  of  affection  and  devotion ,  love  for  her  that  it  could  barely  fit  inside  his  chest ,  his  porcelain  skin  basking  in  the  sun ,  his  green  eyes  reflecting  the  color  of  the  ocean.  at  the  time ,  he  was  as  poor  as  a  rat  but  he  still  made  sure  her  stomach  was  full  and  her  mind  at  ease.  he  brought  homemade  food  and  even  somehow  found  a  picnic  basket  ( to  this  day  she  has  no  idea  where  he  got  it  from  ).  it  was  a  magical  date ,  one  of  the  most  memorable  dates  ever  for  sure.  it’s  hard  to  believe  that  shy  boy  is  going  to  be  a  father  in  a  few  months  and  the  third  sunday  of  june  will  always  be  all  about  him.

            as  they  stroll  along  the  shore ,  bathing  in  the  warm  glow  of  the  afternoon  sun ,  erin  can  barely  take  her  eyes  off  of  her  husband.  her  husband.  she  still can’t  believe  he  really  is  her  husband,  not  her  boyfriend.  husband.  while  she  continues  to  gaze  at  him  as  if  he  hung  the  stars  and  the  moon ,  she  comes  to  the  conclusion  that  neither  the  ocean ,  nor  the  blue ,  cloudless  sky  above  their  heads  can  compete  with  his  beauty.  the  corners  of  her  lips  twitch ,  a  look  of  sheer  happiness  passes  over  her  visage.  she  has  to  admit  that  despite  being  insanely  handsome ,  he  also  looks  a  bit  ridiculous  (  or  rather  ridiculously  adorable ) with  his  red  bandana  no  longer  tied  around  his  head  but  wrapped  tightly  a  few  inches  lower ,  covering  his  starry  eyes ,  preventing  him  from  peeking  and  ruining  the  surprise.  she  can’t  let  him  see  what’s  awaiting  him.  it  has  to  be  kept  secret  until  the  very  last  moment.  after  all ,  that’s  what  makes  things  even  more  exciting.  erin’s  right  arm  remains  draped  around  his  slim  hips ,  guiding  him  and  making  sure  he  doesn’t  lose  his  balance  now  that  she’s  taken  away  one  of  his  senses.  the  sand  is  warm  beneath  the  soles  of  her  bare  feet  (  she  could  barely  wait  and  took  her  wedges  off  the  second  she  parked  her  car  and  got  out  of  it  ) ,  tiny  grains  falling  from  her  skin  with  each  step.  she  blissfully  lifts  her  chin  a  little  higher ,  closing  her  eyes  for  a  second  as  the  salty  breeze  flows  through  her  dark  ringlets  and  kisses  her  rosy  cheeks.  her  blue  cotton  summer  dress  billowing ,  delicate  fabric  dancing  in  the  wind ,  threatening  to  uncover  what’s  beneath.  it  makes  her  giggle ,  has  her  feeling  all  carefree  and  joyous.  her  fingers  curl  a  little  tighter  around  axl’s  hip  as  she  pushes  herself  up  onto  her  tip  toes  and  plants  a  gentle  kiss  on  his  cheek.  she  wishes  they  could  spend  the  rest  of  their  lives  right  where  they  are.  ❛  alrighty !  it’s  right  in  front  of  you ,  ❜  she  softly  coos,  coming  to  a  stop.  ❛  are  you  ready  ?  ❜  to  finally  see  what  this  grand  surprise  is.  she’s  thrumming  with  a  combination  of  nerves  and  excitement  as  her  slender  fingers  carefully  work  on  undoing  the  knot.  with  his  red  strands  and  the  summer  wind  in  the  way ,  it  takes  her  a  good  minute  to  succeed.

            right  before  them ,  in  a  more  secluded  area  of  the  beach ,  with  a  beautiful  cliff  on  one  side  and  azure  waves  crashing  against  the  shore  on  the  other ,  erin’s  created  their  charming  picnic  spot.  all  she  needed  was  an  ounce  of  creativity.  when  combined  with  some  stunning ,  exotic  flowers ,  a  bohemian  teepee  tent ,  a  few  fire  logs  (  in  case  they  decide  to  stay  long  enough  to  watch  the  sun  set  on  the  horizon  and  it  gets  cold  )  and  some  sweet  treats ,  it  resulted  in  a  picture  perfect date  plan.  with  a  little  help  from  her  brother ,  erin’s  managed  to  make  it  look  more  than  just  decent  —  something  straight  out  of  a  movie  or  a  fairytale.  the  linen  walls  of  the  tent  are  meant  to  protect  them  from  the  wind  and  keep  the  bright  rays  away  from  her  husband’s  porcelain  skin.  garlands  made  of  lilies  and  peonies  adorning  the  entrance ,  their  smell  a  combination  of  sweetness  and  happiness.  inside  the  teepee ,  to  make  it  even  more  cozy  and  inviting ,  there’s  a  pile  of  soft  blankets  and  a  bunch  of  colorful  pillows ,  as  well  as  a  picnic  basket  with  all  kinds  of  delicious  teats  underneath  its  lid.  there’s  also  a  blue  bag  —  a  little  gift  from  their  unborn  child  to  the  greatest  daddy  in  the  world.  inside ,  among  torn  rose  petals  and  a  few  other  presents ,  he’ll  find  a  t-shirt  that  says  dada  bear  and  a  tiny  onesie  that  says  little  bear ,  an  album  with  pictures  of  them  and  captions  explaining  (  in  simple  yet  poetic  words  )  their  journey  together  from  the  night  they  met  to  the  day  they  found  out  they  were  having  a  baby ,  a  brand  new  video  camera  so  that  they’ll  be  able  to  record  all  the  precious  moments  with  their  son  or  daughter ,  a  tape  with  some  of  their  favorite  songs  turned  into  lullabies  that  her  brother  and  his  friends  had  worked  in  secret  for  weeks  on  and  a  red ,  heart - shaped  card  .  .  .  a  small  letter  from  their  baby  to  him ,  written  in  erin’s  handwriting :  

           happy  father’s  day,  daddy  !            it’s  the  very  first  one  that  we’re  celebrating  and  i’m  just  a  teeny  tiny  human  now  but  i  already  want  to  tell  you  so  many  things  !  first  and  foremost  — I  LOVE  YOU  SO  MUCH !  i  love  you  the  mostest  !  and  even  though  you  sometimes  doubt  yourself ,  i  know  that  you  are  the  best  daddy  in  the  whole  wide  world  and  i  am  so  grateful  that  it’s  you  i’ll  get  to  learn  from  in  the  future.  my  favorite  part  of  each  day  is  the  one  when  you  talk  or  sing  to  me ,  or  when  you  kiss  and  hug  me.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  meet  you  and  fall  asleep  in  your  arms  or  on  your  chest  or  even  in  my  crib  with  you  watching  over  me  but  i  have  to  be  patient.  just  a  few  more  months ,  daddy.  i  may  not  be  able  to  give  you  many  precious  gifts  now  but  i  promise  to  draw  plenty  of  pretty  pictures  just  for  you  in  the  future  !  i’ll  bake  thousands  of  cakes  and  cookies  for  all  your  favorite  holidays  and  i’ll  sing  all  of  your  favorite  songs  in  the  car  with  you.  i  can’t  wait  to  finally  hug  you  back.  next  year ,  we’ll  do  all  these  fun  things  that  dads  and  their  babies  do  !  i’m  looking  forward  to  meeting  you  and  celebrating  many  more  father’s  days  with  you  —  the  coolest  daddy  in  the  universe  !              i  love  you  so  much ,              your  teeny  tiny  rose.

            clutching  her  husband’s  red  bandana  in  her  left  hand  and  squeezing  his  wrist  with  her  right  one ,  erin  carefully  studies  his  expression.  her  heart  has  somehow  left  her  chest  and  is  now  beating  within  the  confines  of  her  throat ,  not  even  the  delicate  breeze  can  carry  away  all  of  her  worries.  what  if  instead  of  making  him  happy ,  she’ll  only  stress  him  out  ? what  if  he  gets  upset  or  decides  the  gifts  she’s  picked  for  him  are  too  cheesy  ?  she  can  only  hope  it’s  not  too  much  for  him  to  handle.  after  all ,  she  wants  this  day  to  be  special ,  not  terrifying  and  stressful  for  him.  ❛  happy  father’s  day,  axy,  ❜  she  whispers ,  pressing  her  lips  to  his  soft  cheek  and  kissing  it  again.  her  hand  curling  a  little  tighter.  ❛  our  lion  cub  wanted  to  do  something  nice  for  his  or  her  favorite  dad  and  so  .  .  .  this  is  what  we  came  up  with.  we  know  you  like  picnics  and  the  ocean  ?  i  got  applesauce  and  peanut  butter  sandwiches  ?  happy  first  father’s  day ,  baby.  ❜

☆  ;  @thornrosed​

[cursed-tale]

Sword and Shield Ranting

Okay. Okay. 

I’ve been refraining from talking about my growing issues with pokemon online because so much of internet discussion turns into an echo chamber and I don’t like venting on social media, but like my feelings towards the cursed child, I got some problems.

I knew from the start that I was never going to actually buy and play these games. Switches are expensive and I’m not about to buy a game console for one game. So I was content to watch the video releases in the same way I was with Let’s go and live through others who did get the game (and honestly Pokemon Go has been more than enough to scratch my pokemon itch, so I haven’t felt the need to play the main series game for awhile now). But god did gamefreak drop the ball with this game.

From what it sounds like, there’s been some major issues going on internally with the company, and that would explain a lot. The games have become more and more lacking ever since they decided they should push new games every year rather than give the games the time they deserve. The result? The games start to run together. There’s major problems with the game on launch day (remember when you couldn’t save in a major city in gen 6 because it would crash the game?). Everything is rushed. Even though it’s been years, when I pick up my Ruby game, I can tell you the general plot, what you have to do in each city to progress, roughly what pokemon are found in which route, etc. If you asked me what I did in sun and moon, it’s like I have amnesia. I remember the main plot sort of, but I barely remember any of the new pokemon or what there types are. The same is true for X and Y. And I know I’ve played a lot! X was the first time I ever completed the national dex and I still regularly shiny hunt on it, but I still can’t remember the map or routes unless I pull something up on my computer. Why? Because the games serve a different function then what was expected in the past. The story is meant to get through so you can battle competitively, we need new gimmicks to keep you interested and not go play something else, and we need this game out before Christmas no matter how badly we overwork our employees. 

Honestly, I couldn’t care less about the National dex. I know it’s been hard for a vast majority of pokemon players, but since I had already been checked out for this game, it didn’t bother me too much. But boy howdy has their explanation for why become more and more flimsy with time, which leads me to my main issue with this game:

I really hate a lot of the new pokemon.

This is not a new phenomenon for me. I didn’t play gen 5 because so many of the pokemon weren’t appealing to me, but that was mostly because they felt like knock offs of gen one (Roggenrola is knock off geodude, woobat is knock off zubat, timburr is knock off machop, etc). In this case though, they don’t even feel like pokemon. So many of them are too human like, too over designed, or similar to other pokemon that have come before it that it’s hard for me to find new ones to care about besides maybe three of them. It’s possible that I just need some time to get used to them, but it feels more like the designers we’re just trying to get something out rather than giving each one the care it needed. They’re not memorable. They’re not iconic. They feel forced and rushed. If you told me they went with the first thing they sketched rather than working on them for months, I’d probably believe you. And when there’s only 81 new ones, it really sticks out.

I don’t care about Dynamaxing. I don’t care about raiding or the wilds or cooking curry. Every new feature feels like it’s trying to outdo the previous gen rather than addressing any of the concerns fans have been saying for years. Team Yell is a less interesting team skull, dynamaxing is mega evolution 2.0, etc. etc. I want something new. I want a pokemon game that is given the love and care it deserves. I want a game that surprises me and engages me, not one that is the same game with a new coat of paint on top of several other coats of paint. 

[yesterdanereviews]

Captain Video: Master of the Stratosphere (1951)

Film review #379

SYNOPSIS: The heroic Captain Video and his Video Rangers from across the globe help maintain peace on the planet Earth, but when Earth becomes subject to meteor bombardments from the planet Atoma, Captain Video must find a way to thwart the evil schemes of it’s leader Vultura before it is too late...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Captain Video: Master of the Stratosphere is a 1951 movie serial. The serial stars (as the title suggests) Captain Video, the leader of an organisation called the Video Rangers, who help protect the Earth. When the Earth becomes subject to meteor bombardments originating from the planet Atoma, Video must stop them before they can invade the Earth. The plot resembles the vast majority of sci-fi serials, which copy the highly successful Flash Gordon and caught the genre in a thinly-veiled repetition of its plot and characters for over twenty years. A lot of the story revolves around Captain Video trying to prove that the scientist Dr. Tobor (yes, that is ‘robot’ spelled backwards) is working with Atoma’s leader Vultura, as Video and Vultura try to outsmart and thwart the other’s plans. I think this format and plot structures were gotten away with for two reasons: one, there was no way to re-watch old serials once they had first aired at the theatre, so new ones could come out with the same story and similar characters; particularly since serials such as this would be aimed at kids, who would not have seen earlier serials. The second reason being that the second world war probably didn’t leave much room or money for the development of anything too original or ambitious, as resources would have been focused elsewhere. Nevertheless, by the time this serial was released in 1951, there probably should have been some effort to change the formula or offer something new.

Despite it’s lack of originality in the story department, there’s still a decent amount of variety going on. The early chapters see Video travelling to the planet Theros, where the peace-loving people are under attack by Vultura’s forces, and Video has to teach them to be guerrilla fighters and fight back. Again, this plot structure shows up in many previous serials. The next major chunk of the serial consists in the back-and-forth between Tobor and Video, as they try and outdo each other on Earth. Video and Vultura only meet in the final half of the last chapter, which feels like a waste. The serial however, does keep things interesting with a whole host of gadgets and inventions that would undoubtedly spark the imaginations of youngsters watching. The guns that the Rangers use that shoot out sparks are quite a nice effect of the time. However, the serial often falls into the trap of explaining what is going on and what all these inventions do rather than actually showing them, mostly due to budget constraints, but often the plot is explained before it happens, leaving little surprise or tension. The inventions too have bizarre technological names, and accompanied techno-babble that try to justify the implausible things they do.

Most of the characters are based off the ones on the TV series, with Captain Video being the typical white American male hero that is the star of all these serials. His younger sidekick is strangely only referred to as “the Ranger” and never given an actual name. This is in keeping with the TV series, but other rangers are shown to use their own names, so it’s odd that he doesn’t. Maybe it’s a way to get kids to imagine themselves in the role of the young teenage sidekick, as anyone could be “The Ranger”. There’s also Ranger Gallagher, who does all the technical stuff at Video headquarters, and Vultura clearly has some east Asian influences in his design, again echoing the “Ming the Merciless” type villain that originated in Flash Gordon. One final note about the characters is that while you will expect these serials to only feature a white cast, there is not a single woman anywhere featured in the serials fifteen chapters. Often there is usually a solitary token female character that sometimes serves as the protagonist’s love interest, but there is none at all here, not even in any of the backgrounds. I suppose the lack of a female character could be attributed to the fact this is geared towards a younger, male, audience, who would not be interested in a female character or a romance sub-plot, but having this cast of inter-changeable white men interact with each other really emphasises the monotony of the story at points.

The serial was directed by Spencer Bennet, a veteran of these kinds of serials, so he had plenty of experience in what to do. Some of the effects are fairly decent; as mentioned, the ray guns the Video Rangers use is pretty cool, and their super-fast car stands out with its unique look. There is also a ‘space platform’ which allows transportation between earth and Atoma, which apparently is millions of miles away. Captain Video also has a rocket ship he travels in, which again adds some variety. Some of the effects (such as the rocket ship in flight) are done through using hand-drawn animation, which allows a lot more freedom in terms of effects, although this is not the first time this was done, having been integrated into the Superman serial a few years earlier. Overall, I think I can place the Captain Video serial just above average in the miasma of similar sci-fi serials: it has a lot of the well-worn tropes and characters, but has some decent effects and various inventions that add a bit of extra spice. It’s obviously meant for a younger audience, but there’s enough content for those who haven’t seen such a serial before to enjoy.

[detachableteacher]

Winter bonanza extravaganza, from the guy who can’t write a short piece.

Winter break time. As the saying goes, when the cat is away, the mouse is alone. That’s the current state of me and these three pals of mine as we sit at Ryu’s place having lunch.

We didn’t have any plans on what we’ll do during this break, and obviously we’re bored off our butts. The restaurant is empty, and the food we’re having is pretty made on the fly.

“Does any of you know if anything’s worth happening?” Akashi starts the brainstorm.

All of us scramble on our phones for an answer, and I’m not getting a lot.

“There’s going to be a match for the Ryuo title betw-”

“Come on, Ryu! We are not going to go out on our way to watch a couple of guys play shogi all day. Two days.” Akashi almost stood from his seat. “The only other person who’ll join you is Jun.”

For one, he might be right. “Do you have any suggestion, Mister Can’t Stay Still?” I ask.

“Let’s go downtown!”

“Downtown? Do you know how much work it will take if those scenes get animated?”

“Who cares about that, when was the last time we went downtown?”

“Okay, okay. What are we going to do there?”

“We’re going to those cool places with the shops and all, what else?”

“Anything else gonna happen?”

“Maybe some cosplay?”

“Somewhere in those parts of Tokyo there’s always a bunch of guys in a costume.” Yu comments. “And with Jun carrying his head we’ll fit right in!”

“

“You do want to give the animators a hard time. Here’s a question, though, we’re going to spend quite a bit there.”

“Don’t worry your removable head about that, Jun.” Yusei intervenes. “We’ll be fine.”

“Alright, are we going after this?”

“You betcha. Get your car ready.”

“Where am I gonna park?”

“That’s your problem.”

-----

And after an impromptu walk to my place and impromptu drive, search and park, we’re officially downtown. You’d know it’s downtown from the people walking around and the other people taking pictures of people walking around. The sun hasn’t even set.

“Where do we go first?” I ask them.

“Let’s check the shops here and there, that’s a good waste of time.” Yu suggests, we all agree and start looking for somewhere to buy.

First up is a toy store, full of figurines and anime memorabilia from floor to ceiling. We didn’t spend too much time on any one item or else we’ll be here all day.

“Have you decided on what to buy yet?” I ask my pals.

“Nah, these things are too steep for me.” Yu answers me first.

“Those are the figurines, obviously they’ll cost a fortune.”

“Are you buying anything?”

“Just these keychains. One for me and one of Kasumi.”

“Not a figurine?”

“I’m buying something for my girlfriend, not a girlfriend.”

“That’s a bit harsh, man.”

“Fine, I just don’t get the obsession over those things.” I shrug. “Will you buy anything?”

“I dunno, man, there’s a lot of stuff I want.”

“Whatever works for you, maybe the cheapest.”

“But the cheapest is not to buy anything.”

“You’re getting some tips from me, huh?”

“I’ll get this cool cutlery set. It’s got my favorite characters on it.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Yu looks at some figurines again, then back to me. “Speaking of plan...”

We walk to the cashier once we finally decided on what to buy. After all the purchases Yu gets a bit clever.

“Do you have anything to recommend for this guy?” He points to me.

The cashier looks at me from head to toe. “I haven’t seen this guy before, why do you ask?”

“I’m wondering you have spare parts for him.”

“Spare... parts?”

I’m going to have to ride along. “Yeah, I do want to get something new for me here.” I yank my head off. The cashier’s surprise is obvious.

“And he wants a new set of arms...” Yu takes out my forearm for emphasis.

“Wh- wait, what?” The cashier recovers a bit. “That’s pretty cool, but we don’t have any here, try the shop over there.”

-----

We leave that store laughing, after a ton of explaining. That was fun. Next up is that store mentioned earlier.

No wonder, it’s a robotics shop. Unlike the previous store, we can’t find anything we fancy or afford, not even Akashi. Like the previous store, we can do the same gag as before.

In a moment of forgetting we are professionals we ask the guy for parts for me, and after I pop my head off, the guy by the counter is astounded.

“Wow, that’s amazing! Can I check that out?”

I reluctantly hand my head over, and after a bit of prodding, the gig is up, in the connecting end of my head is flesh covered with skin.

“No, that can’t be...” He gives my head back. “We don’t have anything for him, he’s human, that’s way more awesome!”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I smile while reattaching my head.

“Actually, you can show that off at a cosplay, people love special effects in real life.”

“I’ll note that, thanks.”

“He doesn’t need any reminding,” Akashi interrupts. “he carries his head whenever he feels like it. It’s a miracle he’s with us mind, body and soul.”

“I don’t get pulled apart that often, now.” I turn to the cashier. “Are there any cons nearby?”

“None today, but this is the part of Tokyo tourists expect Tokyo to be, I bet that corner over there has a bunch of people in costume.”

“What are we waiting for?!” Akashi’s eyes are burning more red than usual. “Let’s go!”

-----

So Akashi bolted out of the store, and I had to take the calling card the storeowner handed out before following the rest of my gang who’re stopping in the middle of a square.

The sun is hidden by a lot of clouds, there are people taking pictures here and there. And if there are simple people doing a photoshoot, there are also the outliers.

There are just a few of them right now, probably store promoters. We head to another street of stores and into a restaurant with igo and shogi sets set up. Just in time for dinner.

We’ve played some games over kastudon among other stuff we ordered. We’re not trying to outdo each other, so the games are here and there, and my amateur is showing in these games.

“They say if you play chess you’ll get some idea on shogi play.” Ryu comments. “Looks like that isn’t always the case.”

“Give me a break.” I laugh. “Like you’re the one to talk. We’re no pros in these games.”

“How the heck did you get an interest in chess but not these two?”

“I played chess first, and back there, shogi was unheard of.” We reset the board as I speak. “I think my parents had to search thrift stores to buy me a set, by then I was playing chess games with strangers on the street.”

“I see.” Ryu asks for more tea, and over at the other table, Yu and Akashi argue over igo legalities.

“That doesn’t count!” Yu contends over a patch of territory. “Hey, you two, what do you think?”

We check the position, and with his adjudication Ryu decided it’s Akashi’s points. Knowing his authority, Yu accepts it and Akashi wins by a narrow margin.

Meals and games finished, we go out and finally the scene looks more like what the tourists want.

-----

So more people are hanging out at the park now that the lights on the trees are flickering and it the city looks more like Tokyo. The tourists seem to enjoy themselves from what I can see, depends on the animation.

I wait for people not to notice before I take my head off, with the three pretty much surrounding me as we walk. I’m already getting some attention before I get to the park. It’s nice that I’m still an unusual sight after all these years of being that guy with the removable head in my corner of the city.

“I’m seeing something, I think it’s anime.” Yu points to flickering lights at ground level similar to those on the trees. It’s the flash of cameras pointing at a cosplayer.

We slowly walk to a nearby bench and bit by bit the cameras start facing us. We’re not even in anything flashy, I’m just carrying my own head. I know I sound like I have no idea why this is happening, but I expected some attention. 

What I don’t expect is the next thing I’ll hear. Amid the buzz generated by my unusual posture, I hear a shout toward my direction, “Sensei!”

We all turn at the same time, who the heck was that? “Kyota?” is all we squeak out, Ryu trailing the last “-ro” on his name. In these situations we expect Keisuke getting these pictures, but Kyotaro?

“You’re here, too? You sure know how to steal the spotlight, Kakuji-sensei.” He walks to us while I quietly reattach my head.

“Can’t we have some fun from time to time?” Yu replies. “Are the other two with you?”

“Yeah, but they’re not here.” The flashes have petered out and muffled conversation replaces it.

“Are they dressed up like you are?”

“No, I’m the only one in this, Keisuke got sick and lent me this thing he’s supposed to wear.”

“Wait, you’re taking his place here?” I ask, connecting the obvious dots.

Conveniently, someone shouted from behind us. “What’s the hold up?! Hey, can’t you see we’re in the middle of something here?” The stranger gets close to us. “Yamaguchi, you should be on your spot, who are these people?”

“Sir,” I speak up. “We’re Yamaguchi’s teachers, I understand he’s taking the place of Keisuke Sato?” The stranger looks a couple of years older than me, wearing a black shirt and carrying a clipboard.

“Yes, we’re filming a promotional video for our client. We’re about to start soon, then you came.” He raises his arms. “Gosh! Now we have to do the whole thing again. You three stay on that side, and you keep your head on.”

We march on to  the side close to the director’s chair. Everyone gets into place and the shoot begins. After the first few takes Kyotaro approaches the director and whispers something to him. The director looks at us and signals that we approach him.

“Yamaguchi asked me if I could put you three in an ad. I don’t want to say no to him, I owe Sato a favor by taking him for these shoots.” He tells us, scribbling like mad on his clipboard.

“I understand.” is my response. “He is my student, well, our student, we’ll give it to him.”

“Will we get paid-” Akashi gets an elbow to the stomach for that.

“What do you want us to do?” I continue.

“I’ll tell the team, come.” We are lead to a nearby cafe, where the film crew are making a rations tent out of the place.

“Team, we’re going to tape another commercial, and we’ll have to do it on the spot.” Every eye in the cafe looks at us. “These are Yamaguchi’s teachers, and he wants them to be part of it.”

“Really?” Someone blurts out. “We’ll write something for these three relative nobodies?”

“And this one in green has something weird with his head.”

Now I’m an intriguing figure, perfect. “Me?”

“Yeah, you. What’s your name?”

“Jun Kakuji.”

“Show them that head thing.”

“Okay.” Here goes. I put my hands on my head and take it off, holding it around my arm to prove the point.

That does it, I get the surprise of everyone who hasn’t seen me do that over a hundred times.

After putting my head back on I try to snap them out of it. “Hey, have you thought of anything yet?”

A guy behind a laptop quips, “This happened in such short notice, give us some time to think, and recover.” Everyone is pretty much trying to get an idea going.

“I got it!” Someone from the same table cries out. She points at a store window. “We’ll do it there!”

“That clothing store?” Yu turns around. “Is that one of your branches?”

“No. We’re selling electronics with this ad, but hear me out. What if...”

Everyone likes the idea, which while cliche, is perfectly doable with me. Things get moving, from cameras changing place to makeup getting to my face, and my neck for good measure.

There’s no dialogue so after a few stumbles we get the hang of what we should do. Here’s how it goes:

------

The ad starts with Kyotaro approaching a storefront window, looking at a mannequin’s outfit. He takes a photo with his cellphone and magically with the help of camera angles it comes alive and is played by me.

I wave to him and he points at his head. I look around to find it and the camera shows an empty corner. Kyota sees someone leaving the store with a pile of boxes (Yu), and we chase him. Yu turns around to see this kid and a headless guy chasing him, he bolts faster.

The scene gathers attention, with people taking out their phones to snap a scene. Eventually we get to stop Yu and retrieve my head in the top box. Kyota looks at me with wonder and we rush back to the store where the storekeeper and the one customer there look at us then at the spot where a mannequin used to be. The ad concludes with the two of us waving at the storefront now buy our stuff.

-----

That’s the gist of what we did, the rest is in post. In the warm interior of the cafe we watch what is practically the finished product. Everyone applauds afterward, the crew congratulating everyone involved. What started out as three guys wasting time in the city is now an unexpected opportunity to be on screen. Our dinner’s similar for the crew’s, pasta and coffee from the cafe.

“That’s a lot of spaghetti,” One cameraman points at my plate. “Uh, do you get that sort of question a lot?”

“Which one? I always get questions about me.”

“Can you still eat, even with your...?”

“Yeah. I still eat fine.”

“Do you have to put your head on?”

“Much easier that way.” I smile as I return to my friends. They’re talking to another crew member about their respective jobs.

“...he sounds like a fun guy. Oh, there he is.” Yu says as I sit down on a chair.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Some people they’ve worked with, that’s always fun.”

“Gossiping, huh?”

“They know things we don’t know, Jun, they’re fun things to listen to.”

“I’m sure I can get by without hearing them, yet.”

“But none of these match someone like you.” The crew member butts in. ”It’s not common seeing someone with a removable head.”

“I know.”

“Did you do anything before being a teacher?”

“Yeah, I did some odd jobs, but I did street magic during college.”

“That’s cool. I just can’t imagine someone with that ability just be a teacher, unless that’s what you really wanted.”

“True, but I don’t want to go round town showing off all the time.”

“You’re doing that by your own, Jun.” Yu retorts. “Carrying your head like it’s a ball, losing a limb for some reason, it’s a miracle you’re not yet viral.”

“I guess it is.”

“Don’t knock it off,” The crewmate says. “I haven’t even heard of you until now, that’s a feat.”

-----

The rest of the conversation goes back to what had happened during our work. Kyotaro’s snapping picture after picture of us and everyone involved. We do get something out of it, a decent amount of cash and vouchers. It’s been a great day, as all unplanned days go.

Next day we four are back again at Ryu’s place, this time less bored than yesterday. My phone rings and it’s a message from Keisuke.

“Is that Keisuke?” Akashi tries to get a look at the screen. “How is he?”

“He’s doing better now, look at this picture of him with Kyota.”

“Hey, matching outfits! Wait a minute, I think there’s more to the message.”

We read the whole thing. “Wait...” I mumble. 

“We must’ve done a great job, eh? Seriously, what’s the matter?”

“What? A bit role?”

-END

[wazafam]

Notorious Jackass star, Steve-O, says that he prepared for the upcoming movie, Jackass 4, by being paralyzed from the waist down. The latest installment in the hugely popular stupid stunt franchise has been a long time coming, with Jackass 3 having arrived over a decade ago. Back then, things were much different for the Jackass crew than they currently are, but one thing that consistently doesn’t seem to pose a problem for the guys is aging.

From its earliest stages as an MTV series in the early 2000s, Jackass broke new ground. Known for its ability to shock, disgust and prompt fits of incredulous laughter, the TV program quickly evolved into a series of feature films, with each installment seeking to outdo the previous one. Audiences couldn’t get enough, but while the Jackass crew was always ready to risk life and limb for fun or a laugh, things were becoming increasingly severe for some of its members. The death of Ryan Dunn in 2011 after a car accident marked a turning point in the Jackass era, particularly for best friend, Bam Margera. In the years since Dunn’s death, Margera has struggled with substance abuse and depression, to the point where he was cut from Jackass 4 because he could not stay sober throughout the production.

Related: Everything We Know About Jackass 4

No stranger to his own past challenges with regard to drugs and alcohol, Steve-O has been fit and sober for 13 years now. One might think that the Jackass star’s sobriety would result in playing things a little safer, but that definitely isn’t the case. In a new video from the Steveo official YouTube channel, the 46-year-old stuntman reveals a lengthy list of ways in which he’s preparing himself and fans for the arrival of Jackass 4. One particularly cringeworthy stunt involved getting a doctor to dress as a clown and inject a four inch needle into Steve-O’s spine, so that he would be paralyzed from the waist down:

It doesn’t seem like Steve-O ever tires of coming up with new ways to make people wince, and this ability is arguably one of the biggest reasons why Jackass is still successful today. The fact that he’s coming up with stunts like this on his own suggests that what’s going to be included in Jackass 4 might be even more ridiculous, and that’s a hugely attractive prospect for fans of the franchise. Johnny Knoxville has previously stated that the current ages of the Jackass crew has made the stunts even funnier, and this very well could be the case.

But while Steve-O intentionally has had himself paralyzed in the lead up to Jackass 4, it’s still hard to say how the new film will be received. If the past is any indication, then Steve-O and the other Jackass guys have a big hit on their hands. However, it has been a long time since anyone went to the theater to see a Jackass movie, and as such, there’s always the risk that what used to keep audiences laughing and grossed out might not be such a draw today. Time will tell how this latest entry fares, but a decade later or not, it will be hard not to watch as Jackass makes its return.

Next: How Zendaya's Stunts In The Greatest Showman Were Filmed

Source: Steveo

Steve-O Prepared For Jackass 4 By Being Paralyzed From The Waist Down from https://ift.tt/3bSJ8Hf

[readygamerone]

Chapter 38 - Now I Am Become Death, Gunter of Worlds

Wade is at last faced with what appears to be the final puzzle required to get the coveted Easter Egg. However, he has no idea what to do. Alone in the virtual recreation of Halliday's office, he can't even voice chat with his friends on the outside. The link was seemingly severed by the OASIS automatically once Wade reached this stage of the challenge. Why it was possible to receive tips, tricks and movie lines to help him through the previous sections is a mystery.

Wade spends several minutes trying to turn on every TV, game console and computer in the room but none respond. Finally, he finds one that does power on: the same computer Matthew Broderick's character uses in WarGames. It is password-protected, however. Wade runs through several names, on the brave assumption that Halliday had used the same password convention as the character who designed the supercomputer in the film: naming it after "The person he’d loved most in the world." He tries inputting the names of Halliday himself (not a bad first guess, from what we know), Ogden Morrow and Morrow's deceased wife Kira, for whom Halliday harbored a one-sided obsession. Wade even tries typing in the names of a few of Halliday's childhood pets. None of it works.

It's not until Wade remembers that Halliday only felt comfortable talking to Kira while gaming that he tries inputting her D&D name: Leucosia. This turns out to be the correct password, as every other piece of electronics surrounding Wade immediately powers up after it's entered. I'm going to note here that "Leucosia" is also the name of one of the Sirens from Greek mythology. You know, the woman-bird hybrids who led men to their doom with their sweet voices and songs? The sexual pathology at work here couldn't possibly be more surface-level. Keep that connection in mind for a few paragraphs from now.

With the power on, all doubt as to the next step has been washed from Wade's mind. He scrambles over to the Atari 2600 and starts up the game Adventure. This isn't too much of a reach for people who know the history of the term Easter Egg in the world of video games, as the concept of a hidden feature was popularized by this particular title. By playing through the game in a particular way, the player can enter a room where the sole designer, Warren Robinett, had written his name on the floor. The funny thing is that this original "Egg" was included in Adventure as a way for Robinett to, in some way, get credit for his labor. At the time, Atari didn't allow its programmers to have their names on or in their games out of fear that competitors would lure away their staff. Coveniently, this also made it easier for the company to deny their employees any royalty payments they would've been owed. So it's extremely fitting that Wade finds, in the place of Robinett's name, only an Atari-rendered Easter Egg graphic. As is their way, a billionaire nullified the contribution of a worker yet again.

Immediately after finding the Easter Egg in the Atari game, Wade finds that his OASIS avatar is now holding the Egg as well. He places it in a jeweled chalice nearby and, unceremoniously, wins the Egg Hunt. It turns out that the villains weren't able to compete with Wade's extra life head start and had no further effect on the proceedings.

“You win,” I heard a voice say. I turned and saw that Anorak was standing right behind me. His obsidian black robes seemed to pull most of the sunlight out of the room. “Congratulations,” he said, stretching out his long-fingered hand.

I hesitated, wondering if this was another trick. Or perhaps one final test . . .

“The game is over,” Anorak said, as if he’d read my mind. “It’s time for you to receive your prize.”

Wade takes the hand of Halliday's automated avatar and suddenly, his avatar was dressed in black wizard's robes instead. Along with a seemingly neverending list of abilities and items, Wade gains Halliday's twelve digit fortune. Now a multibillionaire, Wade also has supreme control over everything and everyone in the OASIS. He was already the coolest and most beloved gunter around, now he's got the power to back it up.

Wade is also the only person that can enter the study within Castle Anorak, as it contains a button that can delete the entire OASIS and every bit of data on it forever. E-Halliday says things to Wade like "try to use your powers for good" and "I trust your judgment" but these are only automated lines he would've delivered to anyone who won his contest. Good character and judgment aren't requisite for being good at games and memorizing trivia. Half of the OASIS dying and losing everything they had in the battle a few chapters ago already had troubling economic implications. But the entire planet functions via the OASIS, meaning that pressing this button would crash not only the world's economies but its education systems, governments (remember that we were told that the US's electoral voting flows through this thing) and more.

Of course, Wade displays no interest in the button, which would take from him everything that he had just received. Halliday felt he had to justify its inclusion anyway, via what might be the most preposterous bit of dialogue in the entire book.

“Listen,” he said, adopting a confidential tone. “I need to tell you one last thing before I go. Something I didn’t figure out for myself until it was already too late.” He led me over to the window and motioned out at the landscape stretching out beyond it. “I created the OASIS because I never felt at home in the real world. I didn’t know how to connect with the people there. I was afraid, for all of my life. Right up until I knew it was ending. That was when I realized, as terrifying and painful as reality can be, it’s also the only place where you can find true happiness. Because reality is real. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I said. “I think I do.”

“Good,” he said, giving me a wink. “Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t hide in here forever.”

Hey, you dumb asshole. Your stupid contest created an entire generation of people who do nothing but hide online forever, worshiping movies and video games made decades before they were born. Not to mention that everyone is too broke to want to live in the hellish dystopia that the real world has become. And they only became that way because you, as the richest person around, siphoned off all the profit your all-encompassing network built up with its endless microtransactions. But maybe he's right, everyone should log off and fight the wasteland marauders that wait outside all of the major cities instead.

This also comes across as disingenuous because Halliday only had two barely-functional relationships with other people before he died. One was with his childhood best friend, Ogden Morrow. The other was with Morrow's wife, to the extent that he was in love with her to the point of damaging his only other relationship. We never find out what Kira, a character who died before the start of Wade's story, felt about Halliday putting her up on this pedestal. No one seems interested in her perspective but I can't imagine she would be comfortable with all this, despite naming herself after a Greek man-killer. It's painfully obvious that Cline wanted to cap the story off with a moral about the beauty you can find in living offline but nothing about the rest of the narrative or world he's clumsily built backs it up. The "lesson" is completely flattened under the weight of so many contradictions.

Humbled by these empty platitudes, Wade takes a few minutes to collect himself and then calls up his buddies. They're pretty excited that they're friends with the most powerful person alive, especially after Wade uses his new authority to completely resurrect their deceased avatars. However, he only does this for Aech, Art3mis and Shoto (who delivers yet another "Arigato, Parzival-san" and deep bow in response). I guess the millions of other people whose digital bones are rotting outside the castle are out of luck. To further flex his new powers, Wade kills the remaining Sixer avatars, who were unable to reach the Egg before he did, with a wave of his hand. Art3mis hadn't logged back in to the OASIS to congratulate Wade though. Wade is told that she's waiting in the real world to meet him face to face for the first time. If anything can still outdo that Halliday lecture, it's going to be this unearned romance scene. But that'll have to wait for the last chapter.

Almost as an afterthought before he goes to meet up with his crush, Wade is told to pull up a breaking newsfeed. He sees that Nathan Sorrento, the dreaded leader of the Sixers, has been arrested by federal authorities for the multitude of crimes that the stolen IOI data implicated him in. It was very kind of the FBI to wait until right after the plot was resolved to step in, it would've really sapped the already small amount of dramatic tension if they hadn't. It's also lucky for them that Sorrento didn't win, as he would've brought about Armageddon if the feds had still tried to put the cuffs on. Although, depending on how the last chapter ends, it might've been for the best.

Pop Culture References 29 (3.2 per page)

Video Games Atari 2600 IIIII I Adventure IIIII IIIII Space Invaders I

Television Star Trek I

Movies WarGames IIIII I

Computers Apple I IMSAI 8080 I

Books The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I

General Nerddom Dungeons and Dragons I

Brands Zenith I

[libertariantaoist]

On COI #95, Kyle and Will update the progress of the negotiations between the US and Iran in Vienna, where the two sides are meeting for indirect talks to revive the 2015 nuclear deal. While there have been some promising developments, public statements from the US have not inspired confidence in Biden’s willingness to break with the aggressive policies of his predecessor.

A Florida court has concluded that police officers can conceal their names from the public after they shoot suspects, so long as they argue that they were themselves the victim of a crime. The court overturned a previous ruling which found that it would not be appropriate for police, as public officials, to hide their identities. Maryland’s Democrat-controlled legislature also passed significant police reforms last week, over the veto of Governor Larry Hogan.

Biden has unveiled an early proposal for the 2022 Pentagon budget, coming in at a whopping $715bn for the base budget alone. The move appears to confirm previous reporting that Biden would not start a fight over military spending and would largely keep budgets at the sky-high level set under Donald Trump – still outdoing the world’s next 10 largest military budgets combined.

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