#they might be public one day . Who knows | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

july-19th-club · 1 year

Text

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

62K notes · View notes

stuckinapril · 5 months

Text

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

7K notes · View notes

softcryz · 3 months

Text

I'm trying to update the Creativity sprite :]

#zoc scrambled #zoc shack #rain world #rw oc #rw iterator #apparently this is the only thing my sick brain CAN do #maybe #all I have left to do is fix up the head sprites and actually make them symmetrical #...The legs aren't AS important but I'd like them for future use #Say if I wanted to #put him in other outfits or something #looks around #Also yes this DOES mean I'll be updating Spite's #(when he gets a new reference)#(and a new design)#and . why am I talking about this as though these are public no one cares #they might be public one day . Who knows #I make skins for my friends and put them in mys illy mod what can I say

44 notes · View notes

suffercerebral · 22 days

Text

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar #no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new #but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term #so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now #so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but #it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out #that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance #so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial #but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal #although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive #i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary #ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness #which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days #and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself #im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles #but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy #and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me #i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this #i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself #im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body #im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up #and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please #and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching #between numbness and overwhelming agony #what the fuck am i talking about

8 notes · View notes

undermostcorgi · 3 months

Text

the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

#heed my warning boy #it seems i am not well today #recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation #something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well #its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day #i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully #but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is #and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him #my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me #so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks #but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it #and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao #so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that #and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves #ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO #anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF #i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY #ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA

2 notes · View notes

angorwhosebabyisthis · 1 year

Text

the urge to make a multi-muse LL rp blog even though i will probably not do much with it and have mostly sworn off tumblr rp

#LL tag #pros: powerful urge to do public rp. cons: hate setting up rp blogs. past experiences with tumblr rp spheres have been tirefires #would almost certainly be multi-muse if i did though because i am incapable of just limiting myself to one #or a small enough number to make separate blogs for all of them #or might make separate blogs for a few; then split other muses off from the main one if i decide they've gained enough steam for their own #all i know is i miss doing public rp and i am very selective about who i'll rp with in private spaces these days #for a number of reasons including just being a socially anxious motherfucker w/ very few spoons for non-asynchronous interaction these days #i already know i'm gonna go for ivan five and both versions of nine #and probably also the retconned version of five who was with the mogs since he was tiny. and possibly adam #MAGGIE. i'd like to write maggie #along with various au versions of all of the above lmao #selkie five sphinx ivan white deer maggie college student cody villain nine my beloveds #possibly others i'm forgetting #There's a Lot #RP tag

10 notes · View notes

cowboy-robooty · 1 year

Text

#hetalia #i made a itager charm design for my friendgroup to have #but if people would actually buy it too ill set up a shop and buy shipping supplies n all #and open preorders for it for le public #i just wanna know the interest cuz if aint nobody want this cringe gay ass shit (i dont blame you who tf wants a 2ptalia charm) then i dont #wanna research on reddit how to set up a bigcartel store n all and how shipping works #one day i plan to make normal itager charms anyways tho so yeah dw youll all get normal charms too #just might take a lil longer if i dont end up selling 2ptalia charms cuz my biggest thing stopping me has always been that i dont wanna #research how selling stuff and mailing things works

11 notes · View notes

pokemonruby · 1 year

Text

i know i’ve been super quiet recently and it’s mainly because my life has been in absolute shambles and i’m trying to keep myself distracted every second of the day lest i go utterly insane and also nothing ever goes on with me in general so i’m not sure what to... talk about really. but i think i’ll start endeavouring to more often, or at least when i feel up for it since i know isolating myself twenty four seven isn’t healthy haha.

so uh...... i’m nearly finished with my novel! i only have a few more chapters but i’m estimating it’ll be done by the middle or end of summer depending on how the editing process goes :) don’t know how long it’ll be until i publish it afterwards since i’m not exactly sure how to like, go about doing all of that stuff but i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and i really hope it shows eventually.

#over half a million words of content so. one piece fans i got a challenge for you!#riley rambles #it really isn't anything special just the culmination of all my oc ramblings over like. a decade of brainstorming heheh #and i'm honestly not that great at writing overall but it's my favorite hobby so just know that i try. and i work hard. i work REALLY hard.#even if it is ulitmately medicore i'm having a lot of fun with it.#i've learned that you should really just do things for yourself and not worry about public approval. if i did i would've gone crazy by now #i just want to put something meaningful into this world. prove that my existence MEANS something. yeah.#but it's a good way to cope too. gives me an actual reason to get up in the mornings even though these days i ponder what the point is.#anyways. just thought i'd share for anyone who might be interested.#if you're ever curious about my wips my ask box is always open but don't feel pressured of course :)

13 notes · View notes

musical-chick-13 · 9 months

Text

Genuinely I absolutely, thoroughly hate the way people have gotten in regard to "You can write fic about dark subjects, but don't ever go into detail about those subjects" (if they even concede that people are "allowed" to write about anything unpleasant at all).

Because I just read an excellent one that was...very fucked-up! Actually!!! But it was also a nuanced and gripping examination of abuse--switching between the POV of the abuser (who lies to themselves about the reality of their actions, making their POV sections all the more uncomfortable for it), their victim (who lies to themselves in a different way, by refusing both to acknowledge their own victimhood or to consider the ways they later come to continue that cycle) and, eventually, an outside party (who is the only one aware of the true reality, and tries (and fails) to help, through the comparatively powerless ways that are available to them).

And this thing was not reserved in any way regarding its depiction of all of this. It didn't cut away cleanly after a vague uncomfortable comment for the reader to fill in every single blank for themselves. There were even times where the victim themselves was under the impression that they were genuinely enjoying what happened, because they convinced themselves that they had control over a situation they never had control over!!! And I know that...certain people. Would absolutely accuse this fic of "romanticizing abuse" because of these things. Which I think is an INCREDIBLY unfair assessment of it, especially since most of the time the discussion of "romanticizing [x]" is less a discussion and more, "I don't care what the author intended, this story simply shouldn't exist because this is incontrovertible proof they are a horrible person in reality, also they should die."

#do NOT ask me what the fic was if this post finds the type of people I'm complaining about they would 100% go and harass this person #I'm also thinking about that One Scene in shiki (b/c I'm thinking about shiki a lot in general during many days) in the hospital with the #experimentation. and THAT one is horrifying and grisly too but I wouldn't take it out? the most brutal act we see is by a human.#the most realistic horror is perpetrated by the guy who thinks he's In The Right that MEANS something. it's INTEGRAL to the story's themes!#and like. yeah sometimes these things CAN come across as fetishistic (or at the very least...WILDLY ineffective) or gratuitous #but that's not automatically the case?#like I really do think there's a middle ground here between 'ALL depictions of EVERYTHING are EQUALLY effective and we do not EVER need to #consider how various topics are typically presented in art (especially when it's meant for a mainstream public audience)' and #'SOME things should NEVER be talked about or if you HAVE to they can ONLY be done THIS specific way or else you should KILL YOURSELF'#like I think we can gauge a story's effectiveness and cultural context and optics on a given issue with. you know. actual nuance.#tw: abuse #tw: suicide baiting #tw: death threats #tw: abuse mention #I'm trying to cover all the tags that people might have blacklisted

3 notes · View notes

sluttyten · 1 year

Text

Praying begging pleading with the universe that it’s slow at work tomorrow so they definitely let me leave an hour early

#like I’m in the Midwest right we’ve got a shitty winter storm #@ any customers who decide to brave whatever snow/ice combo is happening out there right now #and then the negative or single digit temperatures in the morning on Christmas Eve Eve: fuck off #like we (my favorite coworker and I) have already decided we’re not doing shit tomorrow at work #we’re gonna show up open the store and hope that nothing happens all day #and then we’re gonna go home #and we’re gonna dress comfy while we do it #I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow bc I have a Christmas party tomorrow night and have to bake/make food for my family’s Christmas Eve #luckily I did my nails tonight #I need to write more for unholy which I did a little earlier while I was on my break at work but like…. I don’t know I find it so awkward/#uncomfy to try writing smut when I’m sitting in public even when I sit in a corner where no one can see my screen #but fuck it if it’s slow tomorrow I might just sit halfway out of sight of customers and write on my phone

8 notes · View notes

orcelito · 11 months

Text

Painted my nails. Shit camera is shit so u can't see the sparkles well, but it's my magnetic green nail polish. Something a bit on the subtle side for a funeral :p I wanted to go black but. Not pure black.

It's a "celebration of life", as they're calling it. We're not going there to be depressed. We're going there to remember the man we all lost. And he would've Loved for me to have a little fun with it.

#speculation nation #nails shit #im not exactly enthusiastic about tomorrow. not the least of it being the fact that i cant run from my grief if im surrounded by it #but theres... a lot family drama around. some i hadnt even heard about b4 today haha #so we are just hoping that there wont be any Incidents.#never am i more grateful for my reputation of being a wallflower than i am now #me simply being there is a testament to my care. and they see that.#if necessary i may or may not just... fade into the background. i dont know. i can never predict this shit.#with my grandma's funeral i was downright peppy. in a way that threw a few people off.#especially since i was one of the handful of ppl speaking that day #dont know what possessed me to volunteer for public speaking. i was always pretty close with her tho #wanted to do it for her. not exactly jumping at the chance to be Emotionally Vulnerable in front of a crowd again #but i dont regret it.#ive been oscillating wildly between manic and depressive for Weeks now. so i have no idea what im gonna land on tomorrow.#either im happy being around family and end up peppy and social. or im depressed by the situation and end up quiet.#maybe both. who knows. i sure fuckin dont.#im gonna wear a dress for the first time in years and im Not fucking shaving my legs. i think im gonna wear tights or smth. might as well.#sigh. i dont like being so familiar with funerals.#i dont like being so familiar with death.#i hope i get at least a few years between this and the next death i experience. pleeaaaase haha #5 deaths in 5 years. i dont like it one bit.#negative/#i guess.

2 notes · View notes

toothmarqed · 11 months

Text

fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull