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that-bi-bitch-writes · 4 years

Text

A Cursed Reality-JJK x M!Reader (Ch.2)

Question: Do you guys prefer longer chapters or shorter chapters? I’ve been making an effort to write longer chapters but if you hate reading them I’ll write them less.

Warnings: fluff, comparison of Inumaki’s speech to a disability/handicap, cursing. Dislike of Maki (Not me. wrong bitch. I love her)

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Chapter Two:

[Name] actively dislikes hanging out with the second years. Not that they’re bad people in any way, it’s just he’s anxious and awkward, and even after spending a year familiarizing himself with the school and the people in it, there’s like a small group of people he would invite to his birthday party.

That and he just doesn’t care for Maki Zen’in. And it is most definitely mutual. To him, she’s just pretty. She also won’t die in a battle between her and a curse below first grade. But that’s about the end of her appeal. Of course, Panda is fun to tease but he typically plays the peacemaker between the second years. [Name] would rather not care about people in peace.

There’s no dramatic reason to it all, it’s just [Name] didn’t really come to Jujutsu Tech by choice so he hadn’t intended on making friends. He obviously failed considering he befriended Inumaki within his first day and they have some homoromantic vibes going on in their friendship.

That’s not to say you can’t platonic cuddle with your best friend but when you longingly gaze into each other’s eyes and he’s the only friend you’ve made besides an annoyingly hyper 30-year-old because no one else understands you like he does… And it kind of goes both ways considering you’re the only person he trusts himself enough to have a full-on conversation with.

Yeah, it’s not looking very good for the argument that they’re not gay. They’re not though. At least not now.

“[Name]”

“Yeah toge?”

“You look like you’ve got something on your mind” Inumaki responded. And although he had plenty of experience saying words, having a conversation without using safe words felt a little weird. It was an aspect of who he was now and [Name] being immune to the cursed speech wouldn’t erase the problems he had with talking and it didn’t make [Name] his savior or soulmate.

Luckily [Name] was both lonely and not a complete asshole because he had no problems adapting to the switch between Toge’s ‘onigiri glossary’. Learning it was actually a really fun experience because it turns out Inumaki did not have the exact translation of all his safe words. He would just say an ingredient and [Name] had to fill in the blanks. There was a lot of trial and error and a lot of [Name] smiling down at Inumaki’s concentrated face.

“I was just thinking.” [Name] broke the contemplative silence.

“Hmm”

“You know” [Name] started again “... They say it was believed people kept their souls in their throats” and as Inumaki gave a confused denial (“fish flakes”) [Name] was internally panicking on whether or not he should keep going with this specific train of thought or make a joke to deflect from the very real and emotional but corny statement he was about to utter.

“Ah fuck it. I want to exercise the curses in the world or at least enough to keep you safe so you don’t keep damaging your soul when you use your cursed technique”

“Sujiko”

[Name] looked at Inumaki. And as if breaking off pieces of his soul didn’t matter to him, Inumaki spoke, a short sentence that stunned [Name] into silence

“I love you”

If Gojo hadn’t come in, they might’ve kissed.

“[Name]-kun!!!”

Aaaand [Name]’s sentimental mood was gone. Don’t get him wrong, Gojo definitely would get an invite to [Name]’s birthday party, but the man was like 30 running around being overly cheerful and with that teasing nature he was definitely repressing some trauma. He also definitely had some of the worst timing

“What is it Gojo?”

“No sensei at the end? So mean!

“Fushiguro was sent out to find a cursed object but he’s been out all day with no calls back home or anything. Of course I plan on going to check on my beloved student, but I am busy for the next hour or so. Can you please check on him? For your favorite sensei?”

“My favorite sensei is actually Nanami and he’s not even a sensei but yeah I’ll check on the emo kid”

‘You’re pretty emo yourself dude’ Gojo thought to himself

“Ah Thank you [Name]-kun. You’re a lifesaver” Gojo called out behind him as he left to do whatever it is crazy white haired ‘old’ men do.

‘He’s/I’m totally not doing this for free’ both [Name] and Inumaki thought at the same time.

[Name] got up suddenly and started getting ready to leave paying no attention to Inumaki who watched him get ready with a casual interest. Before [Name] headed out, he turned to look at Inumaki with a serious and concentrated expression.

“Toge.”

“I love you”

“What the hell happened here?”

“....”

“Fushiguro-kun, if you please”

“Well I only know half of the story so it’s best if we hear it from Itadori”

All eyes whipped to the shirtless Yuji who had just gotten control of his body back from Sukuna, the apparent king of curses.

“I’d say it started when I went to school this morning but I think it started a little earlier for Fushiguro. Right Fushiguro?” Yuji asked

‘I swear I’m going to explode if someone doesn’t tell me the how we got this far I mean Fushiguro is bleeding from his head, this pink haired enthusiastic kid is possessed and I can’t tell if he’s too sweet to care or if he lost a few of his brain cells when he and the little emo first year wrecked this building’ [Name] thought to himself.

Clearing his throat he began “Well okay Fushiguro has a lot of really bad injuries so is it okay with you if he just quickly shares his part and then you take over?”

“Ohh Yeah that makes sense” Itadori awed and both he and [Name] turned their attention to poor Megumi who was bleeding from his forehead.

“Yesterday I was sent to retrieve a special grade cursed object and when I got there it was gone. Gojo sensei told me I couldn’t go home until it was recovered. The next day I stalked around the school and investigated when I saw Yuji for the first time.”

“Oh I remember that. It’s my turn to take over now. Uhh. I was in the occult club with my senpais Sasaki and Iguchi and we were asking the spirits about which animal the Student Council President was weaker than ( a fish) and then he burst in the room because he didn’t approve of our club-”

“Fast forward please” [Name] interrupted

“Fushiguro found me after my grandpa died and told me Iguchi and Sasaki were in danger because of the finger so I led him to the school where they said they were going to peel off the seal”

“And that’s why we’re here” [Name] surmised

“So what’s the situation”

“Gojo-sensei”/ “Old Man what are you doing here?” Megumi and [Name] called out

“I wasn’t gonna come but the higher ups got involved. I knew you’d all be fine though, I sent [Name] here to deal with it.”

“That’s true” Fushiguo mumbled

“I’m glad you all have faith in me” [Name] started “But that means I came here for absolutely nothing”

“... So did you find it?” Gojo asked

“Um sorry.... I ate it”

Gojo who didn’t hear the whole introduction and [Name] who didn’t quite get to the eating of the finger part in the story turned to Yuji in shock

“For real”

“Haha you’re not kidding. They’re combined. How does your body feel?” Gojo asked Yuji

“Okay”

“Can you switch to Sukuna?”

“Sukuna?” Yuji asked

“The curse object you ate”

“Oh yeah. Probably”

“Ten seconds” gojo said “Take control again after ten seconds”

“I dunno about this”

“Don’t worry. I’m the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer”

Megumi looked to [Name] after hearing a curious “hmm” but [Name]’s face showed no anger or displeasure.

“Megumi hold onto this will ya” Gojo’s voice bled through Megumi’s thoughts of who would win between [Name] and Gojo. Give it a year or two and it might actually be [Name].

“What’s this?” Megumi asked

‘It better be a fucking weapon’ [Name] thought ‘Because if he sent me out because his important business was shopping he’s gonna regret it’

“Kikufuku Mochi” Gojo replied casually before feeling bloodlust leaking from [Name]. He’ll just have to make it up to the second year somehow

“Behind you” Fushiguro called out and [Name] sucked his teeth hoping Gojo would get hit at least once. He did not get his wish once

“I’ve got a student watching so..I hope you don’t mind if I show off a little bit” . And after that Gojo commenced kicking Sukuna’s ass. Sukuna tried to monologue a little as he sent out a powerful attack, but he missed Gojo on account of Gojo’s infinity dispelling the attack. By the time Sukuna realized Gojo was unharmed it was time for Yuji to switch back.

“Oh was everything okay?” Yuji asked as he came to his senses.

“Oh what a surprise” Gojo responded “You really can control it”

“Yeah, but he’s kind of annoying”

“It’s a miracle that’s the only side effect” Gojo said right before knocking Yuji out with one finger

“If he wakes up and isn't possessed, he might have potential as a vessel. Okay question for you two. What do I do with him?”

“Even if he is a potential vessel… He must be executed under jujutsu regulations…

“But I don’t want to let him die”

“Is that a personal opinion? Gojo asked

“Yes, a personal opinion. Please do something about it.

Gojo smiled and the two of them turned their attention towards [Name] who had been silent throughout the whole experience.

‘Besides being a little too excitable, he’s not bad. Like a puppy. I’d keep him as a pet.’ [Name] thought

“Don’t kill him” he said

“A precious student's request. And one from my favorite second year? Of course. Leave it to me!” Gojo said before lifting Yuji up.

[Name] still a little upset he was called away for nothing, raised his hand in front of his mouth so gojo couldn’t see what he was doing and whispered

“Fall over”

“Aak! [Name]-kunnn”

Fushiguro was shocked to see Gojo faceplant on the ground with Yuji on his shoulder. If the combination of Fushiguro’s wide eyed expression and the sight of Gojo in pain made [Name] giggle a little, he’d never admit it.

#x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #x reader #reader insert #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #m!reader #male!reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #that-bi-bitch-writes #a cursed reality

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qqueenofhades · 4 years

Note

if you’re taking prompts (and from that September list which is GREAT) maybe #4 for the lovely immortal husbands? love your magical AU for them btw!! and DVLA of course!

Once again, I must note that I am not actively TAKING prompts, lol, and I reblogged that list several months ago (though yes, it is great). But also... flattery will get you everywhere?

Joe is innocently minding his own business – sitting on the balcony of their rented flat in one of the endless grey tower blocks, gazing out over the hazy skyline of Kyiv with its spires and tangled wires and hills and trolley cars, sketching in his notebook – when the door opens behind him and someone steps outside. He doesn’t look up for several moments, concentrating on shading in the green domes of St. Andrew’s Church just right, until he is prompted by a delicate cough. “Well, my heart? What do you think?”

Joe glances up – then drops his pencil and nearly knocks over his coffee cup (which would be a waste, since it is hard to get most things in 1986 Ukraine). “Ya Allah, Nicolò,” he stammers in Arabic, every other language momentarily driven out of his head by the magnitude of the horror before him. “What on earth have you done to yourself?!”

Nicky smirks at him. “What? Don’t you like it?”

Joe’s mouth is still open, so he shuts it, and concentrates on studying his lover in increasingly aghast fascination. Yes, well, Nicky’s hair was getting long and rather shaggy, since personal hygiene hasn’t been high on their list of priorities while working backbreaking, filthy, days-long shifts to help in the continuing evacuation of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone and the clean-up and seal-off of Reactor Number Four. They’re taking a rest break in Kyiv right now, but they bus out to Pripyat again next week, and given the gauntlet of real horrors that they are elsewhere running, Joe would not have imagined that Nicky had the desire to inflict this monstrosity upon himself in their precious off hours. It’s a mullet, in other words. And it’s a very bad one. In Joe’s completely objective opinion, Nicky is the handsomest man alive, but even he can’t pull this off. The stringy bits on top, the badly shaved sides with a plastic razor – and that is not even to mention the mustache, often favored by gentlemen in explicit 1970s films. Joe keeps staring like a deer in headlights, in the crosshairs of a barreling fashion calamity. Finally he manages, “Nicolò, absolutely not.”

“Oh come on.” Nicky’s slightly wicked grin broadens. “You haven’t even seen the tighty-whitie shorts that go with it.”

This is admittedly an interesting bribe, though not enough to overlook the – everything else. “What?” Joe repeats faintly. “You want to look like Eurotrash out at the discotheque?”

“When in Rome…” Nicky remarks archly. “What? I said nothing when you had that Afro last decade, remember?”

“That,” Joe says with immense dignity, “is completely different. I am from Africa, so by any measure I have the right to wear an Afro. You are not a creepy extra in a Richard Simmons workout video. And we were working with the Black Panthers, so obviously – ”

“Exactly,” Nicky says. “Just fitting in to the local culture.”

Joe continues to sit there like a goldfish, still shaking his head in numb disbelief. “I can’t sleep next to you like that, Nicolò. It will give me nightmares.”

“Really?” Nicky crosses the balcony and perches on the arm of Joe’s chair, thus to let him appreciate it better at close range. “Isn’t every good relationship about making sacrifices?”

“Love has two faces,” Joe shoots back. “One of them is the face of devastation.”

“Mmm.” Nicky leans in. “Are you quoting Abu Nuwas again, my heart, or just being a drama king?”

Truly, this man knows him far too well. “You’re messing – ” Joe stares at him accusingly. “You are messing with me.”

“No,” Nicky pronounces, face completely straight. “No, not at all. I love it. I think I’ll keep it like this.”

Joe opens his mouth, about to say something else despairing, but stops. Yes, the mullet is an abomination of God’s earth (along with most hairstyles of the 1980s), but if Nicolò wants to wear this idiot look for a moment of levity in what they are otherwise faced with, what harm, truly, will it do? There were four horrible days after their first round of cleanup shifts, where even they were sick as dogs as the radiation worked its way out of their bodies, and the way Nicky looked then – Joe can still see it whenever he closes his eyes, so that mullet-related nightmares might be far preferable. Besides. He is very well aware that right now, there are other gay men losing their partners to a mysterious and unstoppable scourge, that in San Francisco and New York in America especially, the disease now called AIDS (but first known as GRID, Gay-Related Immune Deficiency) is ravaging entire communities while President Reagan sits idly by. Suddenly needing to make sure that any of that is very far away, Joe reaches out convulsively, catches Nicky’s head (stringy bits and all) and kisses him. “I don’t mind,” he says, just in case Nicolò thought he was actually serious. “I may have to wear a blindfold when we make love, but – ”

Nicky starts to answer, but is interrupted as the balcony door opens, Booker starts to come out, sees that the lovebirds are occupied out here, and beats a smart retreat. Even this, however, is not enough to stop him shouting, “Nicky, what the hell is that?”

“See.” Joe looks at his lover with wounded vindication. “I’m not the only one who has questions. Many questions.”

“Mmm,” Nicky says again, sliding into Joe’s lap. “Say that you love it.”

“No.”

“You do love it.”

“I love you, Nicolò. Not the mullet.”

“Shh.” Nicky leans in, and as they kiss, Joe can feel him smiling. “Just go with it.”

(Joe grumbles, but kisses him back, and doesn’t say anything else, and they go back inside as Andy returns from what can optimistically be called a shopping trip, and make dinner. Nicky entertains the entire team with jokes at his own expense as they eat, and Joe looks at him and understands exactly why Nicky did it, made a fool of himself to help them laugh, help them think about something else than radiation poisoning and piles of shot animals, and he loves this man so much that he can barely stand it. And so they go to bed that night after Nicky has removed the scissors and razor and sent the mullet and pornstache to their well-deserved grave, and love does indeed have two faces, and the other one, as always, is forever.)

#the old guard #the old guard fanfiction #joe x nicky #kaysanova #anonymous #ask

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bamfdaddio · 3 years

Text

X-Men Abridged: 1976

The X-Men, those fiery mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(X-Men 97 - 102) - by Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

If I ever participate in Drag Race, this will be my entrance look. (“Hear me, bitches! No longer am I the woman you knew! I am fierce! I am fashion incarnate! Now and forever, the winner of season 27!” *mugs at camera* ) (X-Men 101)

It really amazes me how quickly Claremont shifts things into high gear. One year in and he absolutely does not calm down, giving us both the Shi’ar, more Sentinels and the (motherfucking) Phoenix. SO LET'S GOOOO

You’d think that, as a telepath, Charles would be used to dreaming absolutely twisted shit, surfing everybody else´s freaky dream waves, but apparently, vividly dreaming of space is so exhausting that he needs a vacation.

To be fair, I’d be exhausted too if I dreamt of schizo space bugs on detailed splash pages. Get into it, Mr. Cockrum. (X-Men 97)

Meanwhile, Alex and Lorna have absconded to the sizzling Rio Diablo to work on their doctorates. It’s unclear what they’re studying (archaeology?) and where this Rio Diablo is (Panama, Chili, Ecuador?), but considering that Rio means River, I’m unsure whether drawing a dry dry desert is the appropriate setting. But hey, this was the pre-Google era and you’re not here for topographical nitpicking, so.

Lorna is shot by an unknown assailant and continues the long, long history of Polaris being mentally overtaken by other entities. Together with the equally not-himself Havoc, they travel back to NYC and attack the plane Xavier is boarding. The X-Men battle them, until it is revealed that these former not-quite-X-Men are in league with… Eric the Red?

Scott is all: But I was Eric the Red! Also, Eric the Red does not exist!

Xavier escapes, apparently not giving a fuck that all kinds of X-Men are demolishing the JFK airport, but the still-evil Havok and Polaris also get away. The X-Men are shook!

Some time later, The X-Men celebrate X-Mas at Rockefeller Square, where Claremont skips some steps in favour of narrative expediency. Moira and Sean are apparently in a relationship, Jean and Storm are the best of friends. It’s some pretty rough telling, not showing, but we’ll allow it, but only because the Storm/Jean-friendship is one of my favourite things.

What, you think only the movies indulged in Lee/Kirby-cameos? (X-Men 98)

Anyway, Jean and Scott are attacked by the Sentinels, who continue their trend of being way too sneaky for supersized racist robots! Xavier is kidnapped on his boat trip with super-duper scientist Peter Corbeau (seriously, he has two Nobel Prizes), while they steal away Jean, Sean and Logan in NYC. When they come to, there’s some gloating from Stephen Lang.

Jean Grey being a literal pin-up while delivering nazi-burns is such a big middle finger to everything she was in the sixties and I am here for it. (X-Men 98)

When the three kidnapped X-Men make a break for it and escape the Sentinel’s clutches, they burst through a wall, only to be greeted by the cold vacuum of space! They’re not on Earth at all: they’re on a formerly SHIELD space station! GASP! (literally)

In secret, Peter Corbeau, inventor of sliced bread, helps the X-Men back on Earth board a space shuttle, where Colossus remembers his brother Mikhail (objectively the worst Rasputin), a kosmonaut who died at the launch of another spacecraft. It’s another Future Plotline Seed©.

The X-Men dodge solar storms which sounds like a made-up contrivance but aren’t, while the Sentinels try to destroy the shuttle. In what the kids these days call a pro-gamer move, the X-Men instead ram the space station and go through to these apparently sub-par Sentinels like Magma through butter. Kurt’s showmanship and Colossus’ loyalty are highlighted, while Cyclops becomes more robotic and repressed the more Jean is in danger.

Colossus’ secondary mutation is apparently BEING THE BIGGEST DORK. (X-Men 99)

Scott almost kills Stephen Lang, but then Stephen throws his ace in the hole at them: THE OLD X-MEN? This reveal throws us right in the hallmark one hundredth issue!

And, look. Stephen, this is just a terrible plan. Instead of using most of your budget on making more impressive Sentinels, you blow half of it on making janky X-Men clones to… what? Confuse the real X-Men?

It works for a hot minute, but Kurt and Ororo quickly figure out something is wrong. This Beast, for example, isn’t hairy and this Jean doesn’t remember being in Storm’s confidence. Wolverine is the first to snap: acting on instinct, he kills ‘Jean’, proving she’s an android.

Stephen Lang, foiled by the X-Men’s logical thinking skills (which, to be fair, are notoriously unreliable), spews some hatred and accidentally blows himself up. Nothing of value is lost.

Too bad the X-Men can’t return to Earth: their space shuttle is too damaged. I actually love this: going to space is kind of a big deal for most people and the fact that the X-Men have trouble because they’re stranded in space lends them a kind of vulnerability that has been lost over the recent years. Jean steps up to the plate, herds the other X-Men into the protected life cell and assumes the pilot seat of the shuttle. This is after zapping Cyclops into unconsciousness and telling the other X-Men to kindly fuck off when they try to stop her.

As the X-Men descend onto the Earth, Jean’s telekinesis isn’t enough to protect her as she’s engulfed by solar flares. OR IS SHE?

Nothing funny. All of these panels are just beautiful. Forget those robot copy X-Men, this is why this issue is worthy of being the hundredth one. (X-Men 100)

The space shuttle crashes, rolls over JFK airport before dunking in the water. The X-Men emerge, safe, sound and very lucky and then, defying all odds, Jean emerges as the Phoenix. Fire, life incarnate, etc.

After a brief but melodramatic burst of energy, Jean collapses into unconsciousness and is hospitalized. Wolverine intends to bring her flowers (aw!), before throwing them out when he realizes the gal’s taken, establishing the X-Men’s most famous love triangle. (You can fuck right off with your Scott/Jean/Warren-bullshit.)

I’m not sure what my favorite thing is here: the absolutely bonkers everybody’s-elated-panel (special mention to Kurt’s boots and his bounce) or the subtle character beat where Kurt goes all heart-of-the-team and checks on Scott, who turns out to be not so stoic. (X-Men 101)

Charles orders all the X-Men (except Scott) to go on vacation, so he can take care of Jean. Like, Charles, you’d think they could just go hang out at the X-Mansion. Instead, they go to Ireland because Sean has conveniently inherited the ancestral Cassidy Keep.

All the X-Men dress up fancy for a welcoming feast, and it seems Kurt and Ororo are flirting? But sometimes, it also seems like Ororo and Piotr are flirting? Listen, I’m not judging: I love these polycule vibes from the early X-Men. Especially because neither Kurt nor Ororo have had particularly satisfying romantic plotlines for the past 20 years.

I’m not here to insinuate nothing, but last time I said “I enjoy being with both of you”, it ended up in a spitroast. (X-Men 101)

The soiree is interrupted by… THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH, and Black Tom, Sean Cassidy’s evil cousin. They are hired by an unknown someone to kill the X-Men! Since nobody subtle is involved, they quickly wreck the castle and everybody tumbles into the dungeons. (Local news paper reports: gay power couple harasses ill-dressed American tourists.)

This story is mostly a vehicle to tells Ororo’s backstory: Storm, one of the few who could conceivably put up a fight to Cain Marko, feels caged by the cold rocks of Cassidy Keep and is incapacitated by her claustrophobia.

Back in the USA, Charles, who’s heard Storm’s mental anguish, is furious with Scott because he doesn’t hop in a plane to save the other X-Men, even though Scott correctly points out that he’ll never get there in time if he leaves now. Meanwhile, Jean awakens, convinced she somehow brought herself back to life. Yeah, you go girl.

While the rest of the X-Men fight the evil duo in Ireland, Claremont tells Storm’s backstory in a few gorgeous spreads.

“I could write a novel about Storm’s backstory.” “You get two pages.” “Deal.” (X-Men 102)

Another classic comics trope appears here, where family members are immune to one another’s powers. I have no idea how Black Tom is immune to Banshee’s sonic scream - he has ears.

Does Black Tom just have a voice in his ears going NEENER NEENER NEENER when Sean screams? (X-Men 102)

When Storm finally pulls herself back together, it’s too late: the Juggernaut has pummeled the other X-Men into a paste and she also falls to his onslaught. IS THIS THE END OF THE X-MEN?!

Other things introduced this year:

Kurt’s image inducer, which he abuses to look like Errol Flynn. (I would abuse it to look like an amalgam of Milo Ventimiglia (ca. Gilmore Girls) and Timothée Chardonnay. OR like Emmy Raver-Lampman.)

The fastball special!

All kinds of name confusion: Lorna is Polaris, Havok is sometimes Havoc and Piotr becomes Peter.

Best new character: Phoenix. Hit me with that iconic shit.

What to read: The Stephen Lang arc is not fully necessary, just read issue 100 and 101. Don’t skip issue 102 if you want to know all about Storm’s past.

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thevioletjones · 4 years

Note

48. “You make me want things I can’t have.” 💜

Thanks for the inspiration! 💜

Prompt 3

Buffer

Ian Gallagher was starting to become a problem.

And the worst part about it was that he wasn’t even a problem that Mickey wanted to resolve. No. He just kept holding Ian closer and refusing to push him away like he should. He was just letting him ruin Mickey’s mediocre life. Because something about Ian was unshakeable. It wasn’t just that Ian kept coming back no matter what Mickey ever said or did, either. Ian was definitely persistent, but Mickey had formed an attachment too, even though he did everything in his power to hide it. It was still there, buried under layers of caustic remarks, aloof expressions, and occasional lashing out. He wasn’t proud of his behavior, but it was just who he was, and remaining unchanged in his ways was easier than the alternative.

Ian was definitely too good for him. Sure, he was hood trash too, but they were on two different levels. Ian was buffed up with a certain surface shine that Mickey lacked. Although, he would admit he’d come a long way in his style and hygiene game since his early days as an unwashed miscreant. Mickey was a gay man after all, and not immune to gaying certain things up, despite his tendency to flout homo conventions. If he wanted the ability to get a decent dick in his ass, there were standards that he’d learned to push himself to meet. This was the glossiest Mickey was ever gonna get, and it still came with a pinch of grime and hostility.

Maybe he’d developed enough sense to give a fuck, but he still didn’t give two shits either; a concept that walking contradictions the world over could likely comprehend.

The thing about Gallagher was that he was sweet. Not in an annoying, cloying, obvious way that was anathema to everything Mickey was about, but in a low-key, casual, incidental kind of way that somehow managed to be attractive, even to someone with Mickey’s abrasive nature. Ian played tough, and he genuinely was in many ways, but he had a gooey, marshmallow center that evened him out. Mickey didn’t see himself as having that sort of balance.

But there were these unsettling moments like this, usually in the middle of the night or early in the morning, when Mickey would catch himself watching Ian unawares. Unawares because he only ever did it when the redhead was deep in sleep. Suddenly, Mickey would be Mr. Contemplation, burning a hole into the face of the dude he was banging, daring to wonder what could happen between them if he wasn’t an emotionally stunted asshole. And then he’d reflect on what Ian’s life was like whenever he wasn’t around; the things Mickey acted like he didn’t care to know.

These circular thought patterns never led anywhere good, because at the end of the day, Ian wasn’t his. And Mickey could never be Ian’s. He’d long ago resigned himself to a certain destiny that involved long-term solitude until his dying day, which he’d always been fairly certain would come prematurely and most likely in violent fashion. It would be ridiculous to drag someone else into his vortex of apathy for life and the general traditions of living it. Especially someone like Ian, who was good; who helped people because he genuinely cared about, like, the well-being of humanity and shit. Despite the occasional soft look or revelatory comment that Ian would throw his way, he knew better than to think he’d want to be saddled with Mickey’s non-reciprocating ogre-y ass.

Usually when one of these intense, one-sided staring sessions would take place, Mickey would overcompensate for silently slipping by adding an extra dose of rudeness when he kicked Ian out after the fact. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure why Gallagher still bothered with him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t get laid elsewhere. Ian was the type that would never have trouble finding a willing ass. Yet somehow he kept coming back to Mickey and ignoring all the negatives thrown in his path. It didn’t make much sense on either of their parts… allowing each other in on any terms. Probably meant that Ian was just as fucked up as he was, really.

Blowing out the last hit off his smoke, Mickey glanced at the bedside clock and stubbed out the cigarette butt. 3:26 AM and he was wide awake, just gawking at his slumbering ginger fuck buddy, and trying to repress the multitude of emotions swirling within him. It was truly pathetic.

He could just get the hell up and drag his ass to the living room to play video games or watch late-night TV, but no. Apparently he liked suffering and feeling conflicted. What a pussy.

Not ten minutes went by before there was slow movement from the other side of the bed... Ian turning over in his sleep, reaching an arm out, and searching. Searching for the warmth of Mickey’s body, it would seem.

A big hand landed on his thigh, rubbing it softly as tired eyes blinked open, and a groggy voice sounded, “What’re’y’doin’?”

Oh, just fuckin’ lying here starin’ at your pasty ass for some reason. “Can’t sleep.”

“Didn’t wear you out?” Ian asked with a breathy titter, squeezing the sensitive flesh precariously close to Mickey’s groin.

Maybe it made his dick twitch a little.

“When did one round ever wear me out?”

“Pretty sure there were two rounds. Did you forget about the couch?”

“Random handies while watchin’ mediocre porn barely counts as a round, carrot-top.”

“A, it wasn’t that mediocre, and B, do you only consider it sex if penetration is involved?”

“I mean… it helps.”

“What about blowjobs, then? How would you classify them?”

“Sex act, but not sex, sex. Know what I mean?”

Ian laughed. “Not really. What about lesbians?”

“Definitely don’t wanna have my cock anywhere near those.”

“Har har. I mean, what would you call lesbian sex?”

“Gross? Boring? I don’t fuckin’ know. Never had it, don’t plan to.”

Ian laughed harder and it made Mickey feel good. “Pretty sure lesbians don’t want fuck all to do with you either, bottom boy.”

“Hey, likin’ what I like don’t make me a bitch.”

“No, but you seem pretty hostile toward anything but a real live human cock poking you in the asshole. I mean, naysaying getting your dick sucked? That’s a bold bossy bottom stance to take.”

“What can I say? I’m a simple man with simple kinks. Aren’t you glad I don’t need any freaky extra shit to get me off?”

“What kinda freaky extras are we talkin’?”

“Fuck off, Gallagher. Don’t act like you don’t just live for stickin’ that big red dick inside any tight manhole that’ll accommodate it. Does that make you a hungry top just begging for it?”

“I prefer ‘brutal top,’ since it’s so big, as you were so kind to mention.”

Mickey rolled his eyes into tomorrow. “Gotta remember to stop accidentally complimenting it. You get so fuckin’ uppity about it.”

Ian rolled over and boxed him in, nuzzling around his face and neck, while Mickey tried to bat him away.

“Come on,” prodded Ian. “Big hard cock seeks tight little hole for another round of deep penetration.”

Mickey could feel said big hard cock firming right up against his hip. “Ixnay on the cutesy man seeking man dirty talk, fuckhead. I will make you take that hulking boner elsewhere.”

“No you won’t,” Ian replied, humping down against him.

Of course he wouldn’t, but he had to front at least a little bit. That was the nature of his inner beast.

While they were fucking, Mickey could just let himself get lost in all the appropriate heightened sensations that really good sex immersed him in. Immersed him and Ian in. Ian and him. Them. Reveling in the pleasure of carnality was totally kosher… as long as it limited him from basking in that additional Ian stuff. That feelings stuff that he had no idea what to do with. That unfathomable connection that existed between them.

He let Ian kiss him a lot too. Like, a lot, a lot. That wasn’t customary for him with other dudes. In fact, it barely ever happened. It was just another habit Ian had slipped under the wire to form with him when he wasn’t paying enough attention. Mickey was pretty sure he’d kissed more girls in his life than boys, because that was always an easy, less disgusting way to publicly appear straight during the years he’d spent in the closet. With guys, there was nothing to prove and everything to hide, so it just wasn’t something he incorporated into his casual sex routine.

Before Ian, he hadn’t exactly attracted the kind of dudes that warranted sticking around for in any capacity, or who made any kind of effort to stick with him. There were never any near-miss boyfriends, or pine-worthy hookups. Sex was always transactional and he’d been perfectly fine with that arrangement.

The truth was that once he’d fucked up and invited Ian in for repeats over and over again, he started to figure out that the sex just kept getting hotter and hotter. That when two bodies really took the time to get to know each other, things fit better, motions got smoother, and orgasms got a thousand times stronger. Turned out that one-night-stands were not where the fuck it was at. Those were always crapshoots with odds that were at best 25/75 in favor of mediocrity. With Ian, it was guaranteed total fulfillment 100% of the time.

That was the only explanation he could find for this unexpected addiction he was stuck with. An addiction to Ian and his stupidly perfect cock. The rest of his body was alright too. And when he spoke, he wasn’t completely fucking annoying. His personality and his nature were tolerable. Mickey didn’t want to gouge his eyes out every time he got sucked into a conversation.

They didn’t really hang out, though. Outside of the bedroom, that is. It was like the whole game changed when they were in bed. They could fuck, they could goof around and have a laugh, they could wrestle, they could accidentally say something profound once in a while… but if Ian had a bag of food when he dropped by, Mickey wasn’t about to sit on the couch and watch TV with him while he ate it, and he definitely wasn’t going to accept a portion for himself.

Until tonight, that is. Or last night, or however the fuck time was identified when you were a natural night owl.

Tonight, they’d crossed another invisible line in the sand, and Mickey had found himself chowing down on tacos, while heckling some shitty 90s action film; his part-time lover chuckling next to him with a sloppy mouth.

It was fucking terrifying.

So as soon as he’d realized what was actually happening, and how much he didn’t hate it, Mickey had switched over to some hardcore porn. They’d cracked jokes about it at first, but it’d done the trick of quickly leading to the familiar comfort of sexual gratification. With that justification, Mickey could just sweep the whole ‘watching a movie and eating together like they were on a date’ thing under the proverbial rug without further examination.

At least until Ian had fallen asleep around 2 AM. Then it was dwell city.

By 4:30 AM, Ian had fucked him into the mattress once again, and promptly fallen back asleep without a care in the world. Mickey was more than sated, but felt even more awake than he had an hour ago, his brain full of fresh bullshit about the man next to him and what was happening between them.

He opened his bedside drawer and pulled out his stash, knowing the high would fog up his brain enough to go off on thought tangents, and eventually shut down for at least five hours. Within ten minutes, he felt a little better, or at least more distracted. He was still very aware of Ian’s looming presence in the darkness, though. He wanted to be comforted by it, but he just couldn’t relax.

There’d always been a buffer between them, which Mickey had been diligent in maintaining, and he could see it slowly falling away now. If he didn’t step up and push back, pretty soon there’d be no barrier left standing. Who the fuck knew what could happen then.

He hated it. He felt so fucking out of control, when it should be the easiest thing in the world to control. All he had to do was break it off. He knew exactly what to say and do to make that happen. Knew enough to be able to really hit Ian where it hurt, both literally and figuratively.

But goddamn it, he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to make Ian sad, and he didn’t want to give into his own desire to try for more. He would always fuck it up, because he was a fuck-up by nature. His goddamn knuckles spelled it all out in block letters.

He wanted Ian, but he didn’t want the responsibility. Didn’t trust himself, because no one had ever trusted him before in his entire life. What kind of dumbass wanted that kind of damaged douchebag for a boyfriend? No sane one.

Against his better judgment, Mickey rolled closer to Ian and wrapped an arm around his middle, spooning him the way he secretly liked it when Ian spooned him. He held him close and breathed in his scent.

“You make me want things I can’t have,” he murmured to himself, exhaling heavily against Ian’s neck.

He fell asleep swiftly, and in the morning, he didn’t ask Ian to leave.

#ian x mickey #fanfic #gallavich #fanfiction #asks #answers

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wisherbysharlight · 4 years

Text

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

-He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

-Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

-Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

-Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

-Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

-Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading.

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

-the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

-one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

-the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

-Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact?

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

-Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

-Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

-first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

-there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

-Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

-Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

-They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

-Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you

Roman: You just dont get it

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

-the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

-Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

-Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

#romantic lamp #dukeceit #remile #ts fic #sanders sides fic #remus mention #tropey beach au #listen im not responsible for what i do when on the beach with discord open #this is so self indulgent my god

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intheshadowofsignificance · 3 years

Text

The Handmaid’s Tale is stretching my suspension of disbelief to the limit. Spoilers for season 4 below. It’s a wall of text so please be warned.

I can’t insert a cut on mobile so have some space to speed scroll away if you don’t want spoilers.

[[MORE]]

I realize the sheer implausibility of a lot of fiction is what makes it great. I respect the ability of writers to avoid pressure from fans to make everything perfect or explainable. That said, there comes a point where too much plot immunity starts to breakdown the fabric of the story. That’s what’s happening here.

First of all, is it just me or has Gilead gotten immensely soft in season four? I was physically uncomfortable throughout June’s capture scenes because I kept expecting things to get real gory real fast. I’m not complaining about the lack of it, and I understand especially after the recent episode that there are things which impact June much deeper than some of the physical torture ever could, but we are talking about a society who cut out Janine’s eye to make an example of her for talking back. A society that genitally mutilated Emily for being gay. June has lost Gilead several Marthas who will confess everything they know, dozens of their “precious children,” and she gets...waterboarded.

This woman has proven she’ll run away at the first opportunity and inspire a resistance wherever she goes. You’re telling me Gilead really wouldn’t get to a point where they cut off her feet? Burn them until they’re unrecognizable?

Another recurring theme that’s starting to show some wear is the whole “we can’t kill handmaids because they’re a scarce resource” followed almost immediately by killing them. I understand the train couldn’t have been stopped, but for the driver of the bus to start shooting to kill right off? Either handmaids are expendable when they become criminals or they aren’t. Side note: They made it way too easy for the handmaids to run, I’m going to give that somewhat of a pass because maybe Nick had a hand in it. Who can say? But I’m pretty sure I remember Emily being handcuffed at the wrists and ankles on her way to the colonies. They would’ve at the very least done that for fugitives who have run multiple times and resulted in the loss of children, aka leveraging power, and the deaths of countless commanders to this point.

Speaking of Nick, I’m pretty convinced we’re going to find out he’s leading his own secret sect of rebellion among officers headed for “the front.” The guy has, like June, gotten an excessive amount of plot immunity to this point to not have people acting as double agents with him. That kiss in clear view of the bus? You can hide a lot, but being that boldly involved with a traitor in front of witnesses, even if it had just been Lydia? Weird. Now maybe because he’s a man and a trusted one, Lydia’s word wouldn’t stand a chance against his. But there have clearly been rumors that Nick and June are romantically involved. It’s hinted at by other characters all the time and I assume is part of the reason he’s always hanging around when June is dragged back to Gilead. That’s the kind of thing that should, realistically, in a society as strict as this, put him on the wall. At some point Gilead has to be past the point of “making them wish for death is worse than death itself” because someone, somewhere is smart enough to know that, that ideology is going to be what causes them to crumble.

Another thing that’s bothering me: the accommodations of the Waterford’s as war criminals. I can overlook this because their scenes really are interesting and I’m invested in them as characters and in their inevitable comeuppance. However, Serena’s referenced involvement with Nicole or even the idea of her having any hope of it if she can convince a jury she was abused/manipulated/brainwashed is absurd. It has always been absurd that she had access to Nicole in Canada, but now that they have 86 other stolen children, even more so. Obviously they’re not going to send kids back to Gilead even if they’re the product of rape and one biological parent still resides there. They’re shown trying to place those with no relatives in Canada into the foster care system. So WHY are we even entertaining Serena having access to Nicole? This above so much else is implausible to the point of being ridiculous. Fred acknowledges Nicole is no more Serena’s than his. And I can’t help thinking they threw her pregnancy at us to help aid in Serena letting that obsession go. Because seriously there is no way to explain letting that woman be involved with June’s daughter in any way.

Aside from plot immunity, one thing that seriously hurts THT’s credibility is the lack of any sense of time passing. Nick repeatedly references going to the front but it hasn’t happened. If this was really Gilead’s doing would they waste time, and exactly how much has passed since the threat until the actual follow through?

Same way with June’s infected gunshot wound going from oozing pus and not really responding to minimal holistic treatment, to healed enough she can hoist Janine out of a train car.

There’s so much this series does right. The fabric of society is so deeply harrowing and tragic, the characters well rounded and engaging. I love the theme of June’s humanity being rooted so deeply in her maternal love for Hannah and the sense of protection she feels for the teens/kids suffering in Gilead as they are brutalized by grown men. I love that Fred sees through Serena and that they’re both so narcissistic and manipulative and unsettling to the core. I love that the writers know a lot of that existed before Gilead and that they’re both responsible for the way they’ve become as individuals and a couple.

I love that Moira acknowledges her actions are paved in guilt because she’s free and June is suffering. I love that the show doesn’t forget to acknowledge how many people are suffering for June’s choices in such complex ways, and that the alternative to that suffering is compliance or resignation, which is just going to breed more suffering. I love that we see Luke grappling with June’s choices and where they’ve left him too. I love that no one is really made to be a martyr. Deep down, there’s a piece of them all still wondering: what about me? Don’t I matter? Am I going to be okay? And no one really knows.

Having seen THT is renewed not just for the current season, but a fifth, makes me feel like they’re going to push the series to the absolute limit of believability and ruin what had been, despite questionable moments, an amazing run. I really don’t know how much more they’re going to be able to avoid maiming June, killing Nick and Lydia, and a hundred other things. We’ll see.

One of the big spoilers of the trailer was June getting to safety this season, no doubt during the last episode so they can rope us into season 5 where I am praying Hannah hasn’t “reached maturity” yet.

#the handmaid's tale #rant #long post #analysis ish

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raspberryfanfics · 4 years

Text

Gentle Intimacy—NTmonth Day 4

Day 4 - Retrograde

ON FFN

if you want to enjoy this, do read the times. —raspberry.

this fic was inspired by @zealousheart, who gave me the idea of Retrograde as writing a fic backwards.

—

present time...

—

"Tenten, I—"

"Don't say it,"

"But—"

"Dammit, Neji! Don't say it! Don't say it now! Don't break me again. You're not going to break me when we're going to die. You don't get to say it. You don't get to be selfish. I want you to die and know you never told me because I can't die like this. I can't die knowing all the stupid shit you put me through was for nothing because you could have loved me then, you could have loved me a week ago, you could have loved me yesterday, but you are not going to love me seconds before I—"

"Tenten—are you—no—no, no, no, this can't happen—TENTEN!"

—

one day ago…

—

The words were at the tip of his tongue.

I love you.

It would be a nice moment to say it. The skies were clear. The birds were singing. Her eyes were closed, letting the exhaustion sink in. They hadn't sparred like this since—since the incident. But it would likely be their last.

War was on the horizon. The attack was tomorrow. He had spent weeks preparing but he didn't feel truly prepared. Not when she wasn't going to be by his side.

Then again, the fault was his.

He drove her away.

Tenten hadn't been by his side for weeks.

The only reason they sparred today, the only reason he could think of, was because no matter how strained their relationship was, they'd still be teammates. They would still be Neji and Tenten. They'd regret it if they didn't and someone died tomorrow.

"Tenten?"

Her name came out as a breath. It was his only breath before the air in his lungs seemed to be permanently knocked out of his body. Neji hadn't ever felt so scared. He didn't deserve to tell her. He didn't deserve to tell her at all. Not when he hurt her like that, insisted it ruthlessly. He didn't get to fall in love with her. Not after the incident.

She turned her head towards him, her brown hair loose on the grass. He felt his stomach flutter. She looked beautiful like that. Was she beautiful because he loved her or did he love her because she was beautiful? Yet her eyes were duller than before, tired, older, sadder. He could barely recognize her as such. He did that to her.

"Yea?" her voice was dull too.

Neji turned his head away. "You've improved."

He heard the rustle of her sitting up. "I know."

—

two days ago…

—

She was stronger than this.

Tenten was stronger than waiting around, sulking, hoping for him to give her a chance. She was above crying herself to sleep for countless nights and wondering why. It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter. A guy wasn't going to define her. A guy wasn't going to hold her back.

Yet still, every time she thought about him, a crushing weight would drop to her shoulders and she wanted to crawl in a hole. She could barely breathe. Her vision would go blurry. Damn him. Damn love. Damn not being able to let him go. Damn needing him so much that she couldn't beat him up. Damn not letting Lee hurt him.

Why couldn't he love her?

Tenten screamed and threw a kitchen knife towards the door. Watching it dig into the door was satisfying. She took out a bread knife, did the same. Each knife in the drawer disappeared and dug into the wall until there was one blade left, a tiny paring knife.

She stared at it, realizing that she had lost her mind so easily, the proof being the neatly lined blades stuck into her door. If she let this knife stay, at least she had some self-restraint. As if love ever had restraint. Tenten threw the paring knife to the door with so much force that it would easily cut through the wood.

Suddenly it opened.

A part of Neji's long bangs were chopped off, nearly cutting his ear. His eyes were wide, having just dodged it.

"What is it!" she hissed.

He blinked a few times, then relaxed a little. "I was just wondering if you'd like to spar tomorrow, being that the war is coming."

They hadn't sparred in ages, she realized nostalgically. She wanted to refuse. Her heart couldn't take it. To be honest, she'd likely burst out crying in the middle of it. That would be humiliating.

But something in his eyes, a tinge of regret, made her nod. They may never spar again. She wasn't going to be prideful enough not to acknowledge that. "Five?"

The unspoken words of as usual hung in the air.

"Five it is." Neji glanced at the door, examined the blades, then left the room without another comment. How could he go so easily?

Tenten burst into tears again and buried her face into her hands. How did she ever end up so hopeless?

—

seven days ago…

—

"She insisted,"

Neji turned his head to look at Lee. The whole mission, he had been more quiet than usual. Fewer rants about youth, less energy. But then again, everything had been strained since the incident.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Tenten insisted that I didn't beat you up," Lee said.

Neji looked down, shameful. Somehow, even filled with spite, she was a better person than he was.

"I would have. I really would have." his teammate growled. "I wasn't going to listen. I was going to tear you apart and it would have nothing to do with our rivalry. The only reason I didn't was that she insisted. And I know that if I did, she would still be there to dress your wounds and wrap your bandages."

He bit his lip, knowing it was true. Tenten couldn't hate him. It would be easier if she could.

"She still loves you, just as much as she did. I don't understand it, not the slightest. But you can still hurt her. And I swear, Neji if you hurt her again—"

"I won't," he said softly. "And if I do, I won't fight back when you punch me."

That was when she came back, carrying firewood. "How's dinner coming along?"

"We're almost done," Lee smiled.

Sometimes, Neji felt like beating himself up.

—

ten days ago…

—

Someone was at her door. Again. She really didn't have time for this. Her immune system wasn't that perfect. Even if she was faking illness, couldn't they give her the benefit of the doubt?

Like Neji had.

She wanted him to notice. He believed it with a single glance at her. Tenten told him she was sick and he nodded, leaving without a second word. He left so easily.

"Come on, Tenten, I know you're not sick. I just want to talk."

It was Lee's voice. She didn't respond. "If you don't open the door...I'm going to break it down."

Still, she did not say a word.

"Tenten, I'm kicking the door down in three, two, one…"

"The door's unlocked!" she shouted, anger seeping into the entire apartment building.

Everything was silent for a moment. Lee slowly entered her apartment and into her room. He crawled in bed next to her, taking in her appearance.

"No wonder Neji believed you were sick. You look like you had all the youth sucked out of you."

Tenten shot her teammate a glare. "Maybe because I am sick."

"Yes, but even sick you'd go to training. So why?"

She sniffed, rolling onto her side. Everything was here again. She could feel, and that was the worst part. "I can't face him."

"Neji?"

"It's exhaustion. Loving him is exhausting. Hating him is exhausting. I'm exhausted, Lee. I'm so, fucking, exhausted that I can't even cry."

"You sure you don't want me to punch him?"

"I want to say yes. I really do, but don't. It doesn't change anything. I—just need to be alone, Lee."

"He doesn't deserve you."

"I supposed he thinks so too. How could Neji fucking Hyuga deserve someone as little and unimportant as me?"

—

eleven days ago…

—

"Fuck,"

Neji watched as Tenten barely missed Lee's kick, being skimmed by a punch. The two were pretty evenly matched against each other but she had endured a few more hits than usual.

"Great job, Tenten, Lee, you are brimming with your usual youth!"

He hadn't sparred with her for a while. Only would fight her if Gai said so. He missed her. He really did. And Neji regretted everything he had said and every way he hurt her. Nothing was the same. She refused to train with him alone. He didn't blame her.

Yet his pride was too strong for him to apologize. Why couldn't she understand why he did it? Couldn't she see that he was dying too?

"Your defences are weak," he stated. The small smile at her sensei started to fade the moment she heard his voice. It broke him, just a little, every time something like this happened.

"I know," she said coldly. "Sometimes I don't expect certain attacks. You would know, right, Neji?"

Lee and Gai watched with dismay. It had gone on like this for a while. They knew enough of what had happened. What could they do? They worked together fine. They were still professional. Both knew that the problem was much too delicate to touch. The retorts were about more than just training.

"Not everyone can block any hit coming as you do, Neji."

Did she know that sometimes, if he lowered his defence too early or late, she would land a hit on him too?

—

thirteen days ago…

—

She could hear him from miles away. Tenten gulped with each passing step. He approached her as she skipped rocks, watching as they hopped further and further away until they were so small she could no longer see them. He was behind her, breathing down her neck.

Tenten bit her lip and inhaled, trying to steady her breathing. He knew he affected her. Yet she wouldn't allow him the satisfaction of it. Yet surely, he noticed how tense she was. Nothing escaped those eyes, after all.

"I preferred training when it was just you and me," his voice was gentle, the voice he seemed to reserve for her. She wanted to cry and melt and punch him, but none of those things happened. She was just so confused.

"Lee and Gai-sensei are better than you give credit for."

"Yes," he admitted. "But they are not the only ones I fail to give enough credit to."

His lips brushed the shell of her ear to the side of her neck. Tenten slowly tilted her head back, sighing. She was strong enough to push him away but chose to take this gesture one last time.

"I'm trying to do what you asked of me, Neji. You make it very difficult."

"I never asked you to do anything."

"You and I both know that's not true," because what he had made clear to her was more of a demand.

"Tenten…" as if he forgot how to use words. Like he remembered how easily she'd melt into him every other time.

"I can't change how I feel. If I could, I would. I'm making more sacrifices than you are But you make it hard. I'm trying, Neji. I'm really trying for what you want."

His body pulled away from her. "I don't know what I want anymore."

Me.

Want me.

"Then tell me when you know."

—

sixteen days ago…

—

"Neji, Tenten, why don't you two practice your combination jutsus?"

Neji wasn't going to object. He wasn't going to object to anything their sensei asked them to do. Because at the end of the day, no matter if their rank was the same, Gai would always be their superior.

"I'd prefer not to, Gai-sensei," Tenten replied. It came so easily to her to say that. Had she been over it already?

"Will you spar then?"

She shrugged. Neji knew only to comply.

Lee and Gai watched as they readied their positions. He activated his Byakurgan. Tenten held out a small scroll in front of her.

He stepped to the side. She repeated his motion, They circled each other until she gave the slightest twitch of her finger.

The scroll twirled around, unravelled, and weapons shot through what seemed to be thin air. He deflected all of them and the real fighting began.

It felt normal.

Tenten didn't hold back nor give it all.

How could she seem so fine already?

Neji felt anger and hurt hit him with force. He started attacking at a quicker pace. She accommodated. It was until the point where he continued to fight and he sealed all of her tenketsu. She could barely move a muscle.

And that was when her guard broke.

He could see her eyes getting glassy. "Were you fucking trying to kill me?"

Because he never dared to seal all of her tenketsu. He had only sealed three or four before.

"I—"

He unsealed them quickly but she didn't bother to move. She stared up at the sky, looking lost. Neji was wrong. She wasn't fine. She was just damn good at pretending she was. So once again, he had hurt her.

"When will you have enough, Neji?"

—

twenty days ago…

—

She didn't like this very much, to be honest.

Gai and Lee wouldn't admit it either, but even they preferred the old training routine. Tenten could only stick with it.

Maybe it wasn't the training itself. It was the environment. Their whole team knew that this constant group training was not because they chose to, but because of Neji and Tenten's strained relationship.

She was like, afraid of him now.

It was hard not to be.

She feared everything, how powerful he was, how beautiful he was, how much control he had over her. He would so easily hurt her. He had hurt her. And when he was angry, especially at her, she was terrified. But then it hurt her some more.

Tenten knew that she really wasn't afraid of Neji, just afraid of being emotionally hurt, and he was the only one able to do that.

With a sharp glance, she saw that the purple bruise on his cheek, the one she gave him, was starting to fade just a little.

Sometimes, she wanted to hurt him in a way that wasn't physical. The way he had with her.

—

twenty-two days ago…

—

"Why?"

Neji had pulled Tenten aside, in an alleyway. No one batted an eye. One, because residents didn't care about men and women alone in alleyways in the worst way possible, and two, Neji and Tenten alone together was hardly something to be concerned about.

At least they thought.

She had just returned training with Gai while Lee and he were alone, sparring. He never sparred with Lee. It was intense, filled with strange words, and their rivalry had been pretty dangerous. Tenten always ate lunch at the dumpling place so it was easy to find her.

"Why what?" she replied, though he knew she understood him.

"Why would you stop training the way we used to?"

"You know why."

"I don't," he said insistently. Or he just wanted confirmation. A part of him didn't want it to be true.

Tenten tried to jerk herself away from him. Yet he held his ground, now pinning her to the wall, almost threateningly. He glared at her, an attempt to draw a response. Glaring usually worked on her, she usually always gave him an answer he wanted.

He got an answer, alright.

"You do!" she suddenly shouted. "You know that I can't function properly when we're alone and that half of the time is spent wanting to beat you to a pulp and the other half is spent wanting you! But you don't want me other than my body! Why the fuck do you care, Hyuga? Because you think it's my fault. I think it's your fault. You made me want you! You were the one who hurt me! You were the one who made me like this. Because all the time, all the fucking time, I feel dead inside. I am so dead inside and you're asking why I don't want to feel dead inside? It's your fault! It's your fucking—"

He didn't know what else to do other than to kiss her.

To be honest, Neji didn't know an awful lot about anything other than the shinobi world other than kissing her.

Her words had stabbed him in the gut. He deserved them. She stabbed him over and over and told him why she stabbed him and made his insides crawl with guilt. Neji couldn't handle it anymore. He was selfish so he kissed her, an attempt to make the pain stop.

It worked for only a moment.

She gasped and pressed against him. Her body was the only familiar thing he knew. Maybe that was why he grew so attached. Her lips were warm and like a small home. Maybe that was why he was still attached. Yet she had realized what he was doing.

Neji could only imagine how bad it seemed.

That he was only kissing her to shut her up. That he didn't give a shit about her space. That he didn't care about her, only her body, like she feared.

Tenten kneed him in the groin and punched him square in the jaw. He fell to the ground and blacked out for four seconds. She was gone by the time he regained consciousness.

—

twenty-three days ago…

—

He did it again.

Tenten couldn't understand how easily he could make her feel like shit.

Unintentional or not, it worked. The moment he looked her in the eye, her heart dropped.

"Your accuracy is off," he took note. It was a harmless one. A comment he would have made yesterday and would make tomorrow.

Tenten wished that if she explained that her eyes were a little blurry because she had been crying all night, she wouldn't seem weak.

"I'm not always perfect."

"Your accuracy always is,"

She glanced at him, feeling dead. He stared straight ahead. Neji knew she was watching him, he always knew, but didn't do much to say something. He didn't care, never did.

"Go again," he said, standing up.

"Neji, I'm tired," she said softly.

"You're never too tired to spar again."

"But—" she didn't really know what to say. He was right. But still, he was wrong. She was only too mentally exhausted to spar.

Tenten reluctantly stood, locking eyes, trying to anticipate his next move but she was distracted, trying to find an ounce of emotion in them. She was desperate. She didn't want to believe that her attachment to him was completely and utterly hopeless, like a five-year-old in love with their babysitter.

He had already attacked. Tenten defended, but not well enough. It had only been a few minutes until she was pinned to the ground again. Neither were panting.

Neji looked pissed as he shook off her, gathering his stuff, leaving without a glance back. She didn't blame him. She hadn't tried her hardest, she had made things difficult.

They probably shouldn't be training together anymore.

—

twenty-seven days ago…

—

Maybe he did love her.

A plate came crashing to the ground, shattering to a million different pieces.

How could a realization come to him so suddenly?

Hinata, Hanabi, and Hiashi looked at him. He apologized, taking the broken pieces in his hand and dumping them in the garbage. Clearly, they weren't convinced that he was fine but knew better not to say anything. They had noticed his strange silence since the incident, knew something was off, but also knew not to press.

Maybe he was trying to convince himself he loved her, it would make sense, but he was not the type to do so. It was more likely for him to try and think that there was nothing at all. So had he been trying to convince himself that he didn't love her all this time and had tied himself into this mess?

Neji hadn't been able to sleep.

He told himself it was guilt. Because she was his comrade and he was supposed to protect her, not hurt her. Yet he would turn around in his bed and he expected to be able to wrap his arm around her muscular waist, then be filled with an unfortunately deep sense of regret and longing.

It hadn't been just the bed.

He expected vanilla in his shower. Fried rice in the corner of his desk. A scream of his name randomly. A surprise slam of his door.

Tenten had unknowingly fit herself into his life and he was so used to how it was that he didn't know anything else.

He missed her lips, soft and welcoming. She made him feel safe, now she made him feel dangerous.

Neji had fallen in love with Tenten, but he hadn't known until he pushed her away himself.

—

thirty-one days ago...

—

"I look like shit,"

"You do."

At least Ino was honest. Tenten appreciated that. And she preferred this honesty rather than Neji's honesty.

"I told you it was a bad idea," she muttered.

"You said it was a totally good idea," Tenten shouted. "You said—"

"It was a good idea until you caught feelings, Tenten!" she yelled back. And from the moment those words escaped the blonde's mouth, she regretted it.

Tenten screamed and started to punch a pillow. "Fuck, Ino! I know! Don't you think I know? Neji's already made that obvious!"

Ino just sat there, feeling empathetic. Tenten wasn't going to cry. She wasn't at the point where she could do that. Instead she ate ice cream and punched pillows and screamed at the world.

"Lee wants to talk to you, he's worried."

"Don't."

"Why?"

"Because he's too much. He'll try to blame it on Neji and will make things worse," Tenten admitted. "You just feel what I'm feeling. It's easier."

Ino was silent for a moment, then spoke up again. "I don't get one thing."

"What?"

"How did you fall in love with Neji Hyuga?" she whispered. "You didn't have feelings for him before. Not even a little bit. And it was just sex for him this whole time. So how did you just—fall in love when nothing other than the fact that you two were fucking, changed?"

That was when her heart clenched and could no longer find the energy to punch her pillow. A tear slipped past her eye.

"He was really gentle," Tenten said, voice high. "From the first time we—he was always gentle."

"Until yesterday."

"Even yesterday he was gentle. It was only after I told him I love him that it stopped."

—

thirty-two days ago…

—

Neji let out a tired grunt, rolling to the side onto his back. Beside him, she clutched the sheets to her bare chest, looking at him. Her breathing was starting to calm down, as was his.

They gleamed in sweat, his head was light from the shock of pleasure swarming over his body. He sat on the edge of the bed, nearly too tired to move.

"I love you."

The words came clearly from her mouth, without hesitation. Despite it, he had to blink several times until it got through to his head. Neji frowned, now confused. Why would she love him? They had only been having sex. He had not treated her differently apart from that.

Besides, he didn't even return those feelings.

"It's just sex, Tenten. Had I known you would catch feelings, I would have never fucked you in the first place."

Her expression broke, almost like he had stabbed her with her own kunai. "You don't feel anything? Anything?"

"You'd do better to stop assuming things about me. You don't know me as well as you think you do."

He expected her to scream at him. Call him an unemotional bastard. A sociopath who couldn't love.

But Tenten stood up and dressed at a rapid pace, her breath quicker than it had been only a few minutes ago when she had been pressed under him, chanting his name. He didn't like it when she was panting for this reason.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked.

And she left.

And something hurt inside of him. There was a pressure in his chest and it started to crawl to his neck and he gasped, pain burning everywhere. Neji couldn't let it out. He didn't know what it was.

All he knew was that Tenten loved him, Tenten left, and Tenten really did know him. She knew him better than he thought she did, not the other way around.

—

forty days ago…

—

She collapsed onto him.

He caught her.

Tenten could hear his heart pounding, unsteady, rapid, yet anchoring her to reality. She tucked a piece of loose hair, hair that he had let loose, behind her ear. When she felt like it wasn't a good idea to continue lying on top of him, she scooped her shirt and panties off the ground, throwing them on so she could remain a little more decent than she felt.

When she looked at him, he had put on a pair of boxers. Not that she was particularly looking there.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"1:30,"

They both knew that she wasn't going home tonight, not when it was this late. He lay back down and she did too, this time beside him. Neji rested his arm over her waist. She wished it meant more.

Even on missions, he put his arm there. It was just how he slept. If she pulled away he wouldn't even notice. Yet it felt like something, so she let it be.

"Did you use the bathroom?" he asked.

"Not yet."

Tenten left his arms and turned on the light, blinking to adjust. She went. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she splashed her face with cold water and rinsed her mouth with mouthwash.

What was she doing?

Neji did not treat her any worse or any better since sleeping together. But why did she feel like something was different? Maybe it was because the only time when things were different was during the act itself.

She liked the way he touched her, gentle, even when rough. Because even when pain soared across her body in ways that were less than romantic and definitely not traditional, there was always some trace of kindness in it, whether that would be a quick kiss after or a soft stroke over where he had been aggressive. Tenten liked the way she could make him sigh with a particular action and enjoyed playing around with when she would do such, just to make him gasp and say her name. She liked the way he did that to her too.

But nothing ever lasted long.

They were probably the only people in the world who planned every instant they had sex.

None of it was traditional.

How did they get from practicing for experience to just deciding to practice?

But Tenten didn't know what else to do, because even though none of this resembled love, she was in love anyway.

—

fifty-three days ago…

—

"I need to ask a favour."

"What is it?"

"I—someone, er...someone told me you were experienced."

"In what way?"

"Er—in—that way."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Well, Kiba told Sakura who told Ino who told me—"

"Wait, they told you I was experienced in sexual intercourse?"

"Yes."

"I see,"

"Are you?"

"Somewhat, so what's the favour."

"Well, I—I'm going on a seduction mission and—I—I need—"

"You need experience."

Tenten didn't seem uncomfortable. Not even a little bit. Neji didn't understand. He was dying inside of mortification that he had come to ask her of this.

She tapped her fingers against the desk and shrugged.

"How experienced are you?"

Neji blushed. "I've never—"

"That's not what I'm asking," Tenten interrupted. "How experienced are you with yourself? Do you know what you like? What are you comfortable with? What do you want to try specifically? What are your boundaries?"

"I—I haven't really thought about it."

"Neji, I can't help you if you're as sexually awakened as a ten-year-old."

He had never been compared to a ten-year-old before. Not since he was four.

"I'm not looking for anything that uh—wild. I just want to know what I'm doing if it ever comes down to it."

"Ok, well what are your boundaries? Anything I cannot do under any circumstances?"

"I'm the one who needs help. You can set the conditions."

"There are no conditions to sex, Neji. Conditions are threats and that's rape. I'm not going to do anything you're uncomfortable with. We're talking it out now so there are no accidents."

He considered it. "I don't want a load to come with this. No obligations or feelings involved."

"That works," she said instantly.

"What about you?"

"As long as you don't talk to your guy friends about how I'm like in bed, I'm good. That shit hurts. I don't like to be hurt. Are we clear?"

"Perfectly.

—

thirty seconds later…

—

He didn't know how he did it.

They were both out of usable chakra from fighting. He didn't know how they managed to take down their last opponent when minutes ago it seemed too hopeless. The only explanation that was remotely possible was that they had finally remembered how to work with each other as well as they used to, became twice as strong in the knick of time.

But what was more surprising, was that as he couldn't feel her pulse, he had only gathered up the energy to lift himself over her, putting two breaths in her mouth and pressing into her chest continuously. Would anyone see them in the middle of the battlefield?

"I won't say it, Tenten," he said. She had to make it. She was right. They were going to die. He could barely move any way other than how they were doing. He could feel himself slowly bleeding out.

"I'm not going to say it because it would be unfair to you. I hurt you. So I won't say it. I won't say it to you today Tenten, I'll say it tomorrow. You're going to live. We're going to live. I'll say it then." his voice broke, he was feeling lightheaded. "You can't leave me."

Tears rolled down his face and onto her cheeks as he gave her another two breaths. "Don't you dare leave me."

She didn't say anything.

Neji didn't know how long he was there for, but he knew he was weak. He couldn't last much longer. Until he heard Hinata screaming for their names, then the bark of Sakura upon orders and orders, he had been holding his breath, trying not to think of the pain. He collapsed as they ripped apart her clothes, tending her wounds until they shocked her.

He strained to see if she was ok, even as they held him down and secured his neck. They told him not to move but he struggled. He croaked out her name over and over again. It was only until he heard a medic scream of a pulse that he rolled back, letting them put him in more pain before he healed.

—

four days later…

—

She woke up to a steady beeping, her pulse, and bright white lights. Tenten's mind was hazy, foggy, kind of like her vision. What had happened?

Snippets of memory came back to her, screaming medics, an achingly familiar voice, and that same voice being so gentle, so—

She had told him not to tell her anything for her sanity. Had that been the right thing? She regretted it now. She would have done anything to hear him say it. She would die again to hear him mean it.

Fuck her broken heart, it would break if she would never hear it in her lifetime.

Tenten already felt tears welling to her eyes until she heard a slight beep of another machine. She drowsily turned her head and saw a figure on a bed pressed against hers, clutching her hand, not that tightly, but tense, as if it was as tight as it could hold. It was a male, she could tell by the large size, and it was strangely smooth despite the bandages. The skin was his.

He suddenly sat up and she saw bloodshot and dark eyes, staring at her with shock. Tenten had no energy to muster out any expression or emotion. But he did.

Neji collapsed onto the bed again and he shook, heavy heaves raking across his body like it was too painful for him to bear. Soft sobs were just enough for her to hear but seemed to echo in the room. It was raw, completely open, and it confused her. What was he crying for?

It couldn't be her, right?

"Neji," she whispered, squeezing his hand back. "Why are you crying?"

He shook his head as if he didn't believe she was real. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything."

"You don't have to apologize." Tenten murmured, reaching to let go but he held on tighter.

"I have to. I hurt you. I shouldn't have. I promised."

She remembered it, the boundaries they set. "I promised too. I'm sorry—"

"I love you. I should have said it sooner. I love you. I love you too."

Tenten suddenly started crying as well, rolling over to the side despite how painful it was. He held her with nearly limp arms. She buried her face into his chest, shedding what few tears were left, and let him hold her. It wasn't tight, not at all, but she felt like he would never let her go no matter what, and that was all that mattered.

—

"I had expected nearly a week for Neji to wake. It had taken two. For Tenten, I would have thought three."

"It looks like Haruno-san was right."

"She's always right."

"The human body sure does strange things with intimacy. To see them recover so much faster just because their beds were next to each other. I wonder what made their bond so strong."

"Yea, I wonder."

—

end

#nejitenmonth2020 #nejiten #nejiten fanfiction #neji #neji hyuga #tenten #retrograde #raspberryfanfics #raspntmonth20

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 4 years

Text

favourite male fictional characters

Thank you @vishcount for tagging me, this was a lot of fun! 💞 I originally planned to follow your example and put ten characters here but suddenly it became a lot more oops. also i hope you forgive me for following your format, it’s neat

I am tagging @isabellaofparma , @the-cloud-whisperer and @sassyassassy!

I chose the characters that impacted me deeply on a personal level throughout my life (often shown by how long my love lasts over the years and if i was inspired to write for them).

In no specific order under the cut:

Legolas

The Lord of The Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien.

I think it’s only fitting I start off with this magnificent guy. Maybe I gotta admit, i’ve just had a crush on him ever since I was like, nine years old? He’s the character I will fight tooth and claw for (though I guess he doesn’t need me to do that). I love Orlando Bloom’s portrayal of him, eventhough he is vastly different from the books. Book Legolas is such a delight as well, he feels so whimsical and playful and his banter with Gimli is just gold. I was sad when The Hobbit trilogy came out and I was so disappointed by how they butchered his character, it just did not feel authentic anymore (maybe I am also just bitter about the forced hetero storyline for him. makes no cents, this elf is GayTM your honour. and he will meet his soulmate Gimli in a few decades). Either way, Legolas is the love of my life, thanks for coming to my tedtalk,

Peter Pan

Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie

Another childhood crush of mine. The gif I chose if from the 2005 movie because we always used to watch it and it is to this day one of my favourite movies. It’s so dreamy, so magical, yet also incredibly sad and sweet. I have this very strange fascination with Peter Pan. There is something incredibly unsettling about him, especially in the book. He represents something every child wants - who doesn’t want to escape their bedroom and fly away to experience magical adventured far from the adult world? And yet he also represents the impossibility of it, the curse he carries around with himself because he will forever stay alone, no matter how many lost boys he gathers around himself. And Wendy - it’s a love that was never meant to grow and mature, it’s a fleeting dream for the both of them. I have seen many different adaptations of Peter Pan and I have my favourites, though I want to give a special mention to the book Peter Darling by Austin Chant. It’s a retelling of the story how we know it, in which Peter returns to Neverland after having finally grown up BUT the main points I want to highlight is trans Peter? Heck yes. Gripping and compelling gay love story with our favourite original lost boy Captain Hook? YES.

Snufkin

Moomins, Tove Jansson.

I have discovered Snufkin for myself only last year, and yet I know he will stay with me forever. In short - I vibe with him, he vibes with me. His anxieties about being with people and longing for solitude? His fear of being loved and being important to someone to a point he doesn’t know what to do with himself? This man just wants to roam freely with his own mind and yet he always returns for something that captures him. Mum, I love him because I have rarely felt this seen before. Also, Snufkin said ACAB.

Prince Jing - Xiao Jingyan

Nirvana in Fire (2015)

This too is a darling I have only discovered recently. I watched Nirvana in Fire this year and let me tell you, it’s the best show I have seen in a long while. It’s absolutely amazing and it also ripped my heart out. All the characters are absolutely amazing and I am still not over it.

To be honest, I contemplated between Xiao JIngyan and Mei Changsu, because character-wise I think the latter is a lot more interesting and compelling. He makes for a fantastic heartbreaking and flawed protagonist.

However I have to admit - it was love at first sight with Prince Jing for me and I’m still lowkey mad abt it rip. Seems like I am not immune to Pretty Prince Propaganda. But apart from that, I adore him for his genuine

goodness,

his almost naive drive to be better and seek justice. He lost everything, and for the longest time did not have anything to fight for. So alone and lost and bitter, it makes me sad how much it hardened him. He is heartbreak and clumsy kindness hidden under a skin of scars that was inflicted by his father and many others. I see his sad cat-eyes and I cry, that’s just how it is.

Edmund Pevensie

The Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

I grew up with these books and movies - they have always been part of my life and it will probably always stay that way (only last night I rewatched the first movie and sobbed). Imagine my surprised when I finally watched the last movie about five years ago and was incredibly impressed by how they adapted the book; also imagine my brain suddenly going CASMUND in bold letters at Skandar Keynes’ and Ben Barnes’ performance in that movie. From there, I rediscovered this story completely anew for myself. My favourite Pevensie sibling has always been Lucy (and still is, because I identify with her so much and she feels like home to me); however this new discovery of Edmund’s character was overwhelming. It’s interesting to see characters you’ve grown up with from a more grown up point of view. I don’t want to lay out all my thoughts here, just know I am so heartbroken for him, and so so proud as well. His character arc is amazing and maybe that’s how the last movie makes me even more emotional. Seeing Edmund and Lucy still holding on to Narnia but knowing that that door was closing for them? Not to mention what happens in the later books (we don’t talk about that). Also did I mention Casmund. Here, have my incredibly emo and depressing take on Edmund’s character that I started writing four years ago and which will forever stay a WIP.

Nie Huaisang

The Untamed (2019)

My son. My soul. My bane of existence. The tragic thing about him is, that he does not really exist in canon as I have created him for myself. He’s a secondary character in the show, always so relatable yet still brings the ultimate twist of the story, yet he still remains this incomplete shadow. The movie

Fatal Journey

gave him a lot more and I cried tears of joy and devastation. I don’t know why I latched on to him so much, but apparently he is the one that I project on, the one that feels like he sits somewhere inside my chest. I don’t know what else to say - this year he has been everything to me. I spend a lot of time in his head while writing, and maybe that’s how he’s there forever now. Nie Huaisang saw my brain and went it’s free real estate. All my love for you, you dramatic art hoe.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ah, another lifelong companion. There are many adapations that I adore - starting from the origin of it all, the books and stories which I have all devoured; the 80s adaptation with Jeremy Brett which was incredibly wonderful; to BBC Sherlock which shaped and traumatised me (I still like the first three seaons but I am too hurt to think about it); to the numerous movies - but by far my most favourite performance is Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. Somehow he manages to capture the Holmes I see in my head when I read the books, the sharp yet polite eccentric detective, who loves his companion so much and who has desire to help others. Sherlock Holmes will always stay special to me, in so many different ways. He shaped my youth and I know he will stay with me. (also what would you say when I told you he helped me discover that I can, in fact, be queer AND ace at the same time? thanks pal). What else is there to say? Sherlock Holmes is a universe that you can dive into and find many amazing treasures.

Isak Valtersen

SKAM (2015)

There he is, the boy that changed my life. SKAM changed my life. All of the characters did. However, Isak is special for many, as I imagine. I remember winter 2016, when tumblr was flooded by these norwegian white boys kissing in a pool and cuddling and I was like ‘nah’, this doesn’t look convincing. I don’t know what changed my mind but I remember sitting down at last and watching all that was released of season three and it was only downhill from there. I remember starting to follow the real life updates religiously while watching the other previous seasons in between. The one clip that completely wrecked me was when Isak went to the school nurse about his struggles with sleep - it felt like for the first time I saw someone on screen that could understand me on so many different levels. The entierty of seaons three is so personal, I would tell you to go watch it if you don’t know what I mean. The entire show in fact. It’s a masterpiece and it feels so real. This show impacted my life in a way that no show has managed to do before. I miss it so much. I miss Isak too sigh.

Shang Xirui

Winter Begonia (2020)

Technically, for me personally, Shang Xirui is the nonbinary, gay and ace representation I need in my life (or at least that’s my own personal take on him), but since that is not official, he’s still here on this list. Of course he is because wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve seen such a compelling character on screen. I went from disliking him to being absolutely heartbroken over him. I don’t think any other character in this show captured me as much as he did. There are so many layers to him and discovering all of his sides is a wonderful, heartbreaking, painful and also beautiful journey. I’m not sure I understand all of him yet, but I am willing to try and dig and just ponder his existence. This too, is a perfect example for a flawed yet authentic protagonist. Also he is the most beautiful thing on this planet, or at least that’s how I have been feeling ever since I watched this. I wish to write more of him in the future.

Aang

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I grew up watching ATLA and my favourite characters have always been Toph, Zuko and Uncle Iroh. In recent years however, I completely fell in love with Aang all anew.

I think especially in the past, I had these prejudices against main characters and found them all the most boring personalities ever. In recent years this changed a lot and especially Aang is a prime example for that. Watching him from the perspective of older me, I find so much wisdom in this young boy. Somehow he represents all I wish to be in my life but at the same time he shows his flaws, he carries this sadness with him that will accompany him all his life. This inner battle and chaos that he has to face day to day and in the end - he is just a young boy. So much has been taken from him and yet he learns how to not let it overtake him, that anger and hurt. He tries his hardest to be better than the day before, even if sometimes the world crashes down on him and he gets overwhelmed. He is a child recruited by adults to manage their mistakes and play into the hands of predestined fate and in this essay I will -

Harry Potter

Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling

I am surprised myself. I thought I would put Fred and George here, or Remus and Sirius, however I realised that none of them quite capture this feeling of lifelong change, of personal, deep impact that Harry had on me.

As with Aang above, I used to think Harry was the most boring protagonist, yet my opinion took a 180° turn in the past years. Many of the things I wrote for Aang apply to him too - the fact that he was a child, that lost so much, and was always faced with challenges that a child should never have needed to face. Something I want to address is how my favourite book, The Order of the Phoenix, lays all of this out. Harry is just as flawed, just as vulnerable and angry as anyone else. I know some people did not like his ‘emo behaviour’ in the fifth book but for me it just showed how human he is, how he was just a teen like myself at that time. As for many, this boy shaped my entire life, shaped a generation, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sad and angry at how J*R behaves, and how she puts us in the position of doubting our love for these stories. I know I will always love them, but I will not turn a blind eye on all the problematic shit is carries with itself and what the author piles upon us.

Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian

The Untamed (2019)

I will try and keep this short, because if you want to read my thoughts about Wangxian just go to my ao3 and find the over 70k i wrote for them. I decided to put them here together because I can’t seperate them and I can’t choose between them. Each of them carries something I recognise in myself, and each of them is the opposite of me. They each own my heart and soul and I know there will never be a fictional couple like this for me ever again. They’ve snuck their way into my heart and have never left. They deserve to be here, together, because my love for them is indescribable. Bless them. + Bonus:

The Doctor

Doctor Who (1963/2005)

Technically, the Doctor doesn’t count as a “male” character, but since he has been presenting as male up until recently, I needed to include him. I chose the Tenth Doctor because he is the one that broke my heart the most. I adored Nine but he was there too short, and I do love Eleven and Twelve a lot, and Thirteen absolutely owns my heart, Ten has just always been the one that made me cry the most. I loved this era of Doctor Who, I loved how sad and hopeful he was, how heartbroken and yet determined to help wherever it was needed. Doctor Who is always that show, when I return to it, I am reminded that maybe, humanity and the universe isn’t all that bad.

phew, this took ages damn. but i had so much fun! i decided to leave out honorable mentiones because we would be sitting here until tomorrow lol.

#gosh this was nice #a lot of incoherent rambling here #thanks dear #tag game #personal

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sombreboy · 4 years

Text

Love Maze »15

Previous » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 8.1k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, homophobic slurs (censored), angst, they have another argument smh these boys never catch a fucking break

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang ♡♡♡

The early morning’s blinding rays invited themselves in through the curtain cracks in Jungkook’s bedroom, landing on a sleeping Taehyung’s puffy face.

The elder’s distracting snoring bounced off the walls of the room, not bothersome to him as he peacefully slept through the noise. Honestly, it was a surprise how much Jungkook was immune to the sound..

The one noise that always did manage to wake Taehyung up, however, was the familiar ringing of that goddamn alarm clock.

As per usual, Tae went through his daily routine consisting of whining about how he’d been pulled out of his slumber, begging Jungkook for a few more minutes, cursing out early morning practices.. same old.

“I’m gonna skip out on showering this morning..” Taehyung drowsily mumbled into the pillow, desperately seeking for a few extra minutes. His body was sore, and Taehyung was one of those people who needed eight hours of sleep.

“Wake me up when you’re done, will you?” A small pause, followed by a raspy, “I love youu~”

Jungkook drowsily turned off the alarm before groaning, for once he didn't actually want to leave his bed.

''You sure?'' he sat up properly, hand reaching over to stroke the elders back carefully, the sudden verbal affection from his boyfriend still surprising-- yet welcomed. It was something the younger needed a little time to get used to, and it made his chest flutter every single time.

''Love you too~'' He cooed back, giving Tae's ass a soft pat before getting out of bed, completely naked from last night. he rummaged through his closet for some clean clothes, stretching the joints in his body before slowly heading towards the bathroom.

Jungkook winced lightly when the hot water hit the scratches on his back, but quickly got used to it as he stood there for a while, washing up and losing himself in his thoughts, everything from what had happened yesterday to Jisoo. He really owed her an apology for not coming back...

When finished, Kook ruffled his wet hair before patting his body mostly dry and throwing on his boxers and sweatpants-- leaving the shirt off to head back to his bedroom. He walks over to the small mirror hanging on the wall, turning his back towards it to check out his back.

''Wow you've got some claws.'' He chuckled before crawling up on the bed to lay down next to Tae again, nuzzling his nose into the elders hair, ''Wake uuup....~''

Taehyung slothfully stirred in his spot, groaning out in groggy distaste when he felt the bed dip, signaling that his boyfriend was out of the shower.

“Yah..” He turned his head to the side, cheek pressed against the pillow whilst his eyelids hung barely open, “you yourself said I have some claws, don’t make me use them..”

Tae contemplated life for a few more seconds before giving in to his boyfriend’s soft pleads, sitting up on the bed with a loud yawn, hands busy rubbing the fatigue out of his eyes.

God, school hadn’t even started and the elder was already dreading stepping into those halls.

''Maybe I liked it..'' Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung to pull him closer into a hug, pecking kisses against his cheeks to annoy him in his sleepy state.

''We have to get ready, like, right now!'' He pressed one last kiss on his lips before getting off the bed, grabbing a snug, black long sleeve to pull over his torso.

Taehyung slowly made his way out of bed, butt-naked as he searched for last night’s clothes.

Thankfully they’ve dried up quite a bit, but the rain’s aroma still lingered in the fabrics.

The elder wasn’t especially thrilled to waltz into school looking.. like, well, put together.

But he didn’t want to bother Jungkook, so black, tight jeans would have to do.

Tae stared at his reflection in the mirror, quickly running his fingers through the waves. He grimaced, nothing seemed to tame the wild curls.

“Fuck it.. let’s go,” the elder fished for the keys in his pocket, throwing on his shoes— double-knotting the laces like always.

Once he got in his car, Taehyung nearly had a heart attack.

That goddamn stuffed animal. It was smiling at him through the rear view mirror.

Shit, he still didn’t know what to do with it.. did Jungkook still want it? Does he throw it in the dumper?

Maybe he’d give it to Jisoo, something told him that Yuna would love it..

Jungkook quickly followed, ignoring the fact that the bear was mockingly smiling at him as well as he sat down. He clicked the seatbelt on before patting Taehyung's thigh reassuringly.

"Don't worry too much. I'm not angry anymore, okay?" He nudges his chin towards the bear.

"I don't really want it...." he felt kind of bad for saying it, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stand staring at it after what it is associated with.

"But we could give it to noona?" He mused-- he still owed her a fucking apology. Maybe this would serve as an apology...

"Anyway...don't worry about that. Let's go." Jungkook sunk into his heat, eyes focusing back ahead.

Taehyung sighed, but nodded nonetheless. He didn’t blame the younger for not wanting to keep the stuffed animal. Truth be told, Tae himself wouldn’t be fully comfortable with seeing its cheery face every time he visited Jungkook’s apartment.

One, it was creepy as fuck. And secondly, it was a mere reminder of his selfish doings.

Taehyung just... he wanted to move past that. He wanted to do better, for his boyfriend.

“Yeah,” he started the car, “noona’s kid would probably like it.”

Practice was over in the flutter of an eye— thankfully. Tae didn’t know how much more physical activity he was able to bear with a noticeably sore ass. It was a blessing that he managed to keep his nonchalant facade intact for so long. Trying to act like his boyfriend didn’t just make sweet love to him last night was hard..

Sweaty from working out, Taehyung briskly stripped out of his practice attire, using his jersey to wipe at the dampness on his glistening neck.

“Tae, should I be concerned?,” Hoseok looked, well, concerned.

“What’s up with the giant teddy bear in the back of your car?”

“Yeah, Chim and I saw that too.” Yoongi casually chimed in, pointing over at a half-naked Jimin who was busy typing away on his phone, deaf to the chatter surrounding him.

Taehyung—who was growing annoyed by the topic of that stupid bear— simply brushed it off. “it’s for a friend. She has a little girl, so..”

As if knowing exactly whom it was for, Namjoon defeatedly shrunk in his spot, too much of a wuss to make eye-contact with Jungkook.

He wondered if the younger was still mad..

Sitting in their usual lunch table, they talked about a plethora of topics. However, the newest conversation specifically aimed at Jimin; everyone wanting to know what was keeping the latter so invested.

“What’s got you so hooked on that phone, Chim?”

“More like who..” Hoseok teasingly nudged at his friend’s side, encouraging him to spill it out. Jimin was extremely defiant at first, but his hyung’s loud presence wasn’t something you could just ignore.

“Nothing.. it’s stupid, but— long story short, I downloaded a dating app.”

A series of “oo’s” traveled around the table.

“Oh yeah? Did you meet a girl or something?”

Jimin turned to look at Namjoon, expression so distraught yet.. confident. With a soft exhale, he corrected the elder.

“Actually.. It's a him. His name’s Mino.”

Taehyung abruptly stopped chewing on his cereal, sharing a curt glance with his boyfriend.

“Mino..” Jin pondered out loud, “like the rapper from WINNER?”

“Obviously not, hyung.” The younger rolled his eyes, a bit frightened by the lack of words.

Seeming to notice his distress, Yoongi softly encouraged Jimin to expand on it further— after asking if every single one of his friends were gay.

“I don’t know, we’ve only talked for a few hours.. but he’s really cool. Sweet, too— oh, and he’s also obsessed with strawberries, just like you Tae!”

The boy’s eyes lit up at the topic, obvious to all he had a massive crush.

“Yeah? What else do you know about the guy.” Taehyung took a bite of his strawberry, interested in knowing more.

Finally growing more comfortable, Jimin’s shy smile resurfaced.

“Uhm.. he’s twenty-three, and he teaches little kids. How cute is that? He’s into video games, if I remember correctly.. Animal Crossing is his favorite. Halsey! He enjoys listening to her music... also, he’s really pretty.”

“Damn, Jimin. Just marry the guy already..” Jin snickered.

“Chim’s whipped.”

The subject of the matter pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Am not.. it’s just— ah, he texted me!”

Taehyung snorted in amusement, shaking his head before looking at Jungkook.

“Wish you’d text me more. You’re a horrible texter, you know.”

Jungkook's eyes had been balling back and forth during the conversations, from half-glaring at Namjoon (even if he'd calmed down, honestly--Namjoon was just a clutz. She seemed fine... he hoped.), to his gaze softening at the way Jimin was swooning over his new crush-- a boy, even!... The way his eyes lit up was heartwarming.

Then, during his entire daydream, Taehyungs words burst his little bubble. The younger breathes out a chuckle through his nose, nudging his boyfriend back.

''Why would I text you when you're with me every day?'' He wrapped an arm around Taes shoulder to pull him closer with his strong arm-- from any outsider it would simply look friendly. ''Or do you miss me that bad during class too?''

Taehyung kept his eyes trained on the tray in-front of him, mindlessly picking at his cereal as a distraction from Jungkook’s hold.

Now that their friends knew about their relationship, they didn’t miss the opportunity to coo at the couple-y sight.

As a natural response, his cheeks got stained with a rosy pop of color. Tae shrugged out of his boyfriend’s grasp, though, a petty attempt to seem unfazed.

“Duh..” He sassed, aggressively munching on his buttered toast.

“Why else would I send ‘everyone here sucks, kinda wish you were here’ texts? And you know how you repay my affection? By leaving me on read.”

Taehyung childishly huffed, coming across as needy for the younger’s attention.

Jungkook withdrew his arm and flashed a toothy grin towards the elder, shrugging as well in response.

''I will reply next time, promise.''

He glanced at the clock, ignoring the repeated cooes from his hyungs.

''Speaking of class, it's almost time to go,'' He nudges his boyfriend once more.

''I'll make sure to check my phone often then, but don't expect me to be glued onto it like Jimin..'' He jokes, the rest of the group snickering-- however Jimin remained unfazed, too caught up in his own little bubble that is his cellphone.

As they all separated to go to their respective classes, Jungkook sat down by his desk, placing his cellphone by his stack of books, only paying the lecture half of his attention as the other half was constantly glancing over at his device. This time he would reply.

A few minutes into the lecture, Taehyung already had his cellphone in his hands.

His boyfriend’s contact was displayed on the screen, a picture he snuck of Jungkook sleeping set as the younger’s profile.

Biting at the corner of his bottom lip, he began typing away, curious to see how fast it’d take Jungkook to reply.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 i’m trying to pay attention in class but my ass is still sore 😒 be glad I love your big dick just as much as I love you 😙

Jungkook picked his phone up much quicker than he'd like to admit, swiping the one sided wall of previously sent texts sent by his boyfriend. The last text received made the younger's cheeks flush in pink along with the small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

He immediately began tapping at his screen, a foreign concept to everybody who caught a glance at jungkook in the classroom.

To: Tae🐯💜 Haha... you took it pretty well. Maybe next time you can give me the same treatment🥴 now I can't pay attention either... love you!

The elder chuckled— a bit too loudly, but he brushed it off as a cough.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 maybe.. 😏 if you keep replying I might just have to give you a big surprise

Taehyung sat his phone down, but the emptiness in his hands didn’t last long. Soon enough, he was back to texting Jungkook.

Tae wasn’t fully pleased, the sudden drive to see his boyfriend was too overpowering to ignore.

To: Kook🐰🤟🏼 actually, meet me in the secret spot behind the school?? ‘m needy for a kiss

“Uhm, Mrs. Jung?” Everyone’s head swiveled towards Taehyung, “can I use the restroom?”

The elderly teacher seemed to think about it for a while, the creases in her forehead wrinkling even further as she visibly frowned.

“Sure. But be quick.”

The boy nodded, sliding back on his chair before practically jogging out of the classroom, excited to hold his boyfriend.

Jungkook held his promise of replying once, but didn't even bother sending anything else, his phone shoved back into his pocket as he excused himself. As soon as he left the classroom, he too sprinted towards the hidden spot behind the building. If he had this kind of speed during practice, he surely would have been deemed the golden maknae all over again.

Jungkook rocked on his feet as he waited for his boyfriend, actually fishing up his phone for once to send a quick text.

To: Tae🐯💜 I'm here!! come!!! T3T

“Maybe next time I can give you the same treatment, huh?” Taehyung’s cheeky smirk shifted into a genuine smile when he approached Jungkook, teasingly recalling what the younger had sent him over text.

Unable to take the distance for a second longer, Tae ran into his boyfriend’s arms, not wasting any time peppering his face with loud kisses.

Fuck.. Taehyung was the definition of whipped.

Not worried about anyone catching them, the elder slowly drove Jungkook’s back against the rusty wall, lips attached to the younger’s in a gentle kiss.

When he pulled away, Tae’s hooded eyes were drawn to his boyfriend’s face, raking over every little detail.

“You replied,” he broke out into a silly grin, playfully squeezing at Kook’s hips. “You’ve grown~”

Jungkook hummed into the kiss with content, hands reaching up to run his fingers through Tae's messy hair. He obviously didn't even bother fixing it up since last night,

''I kind of get why Jimin can't unglue his phone from his eyes, anticipating a text is dreadful.. I couldn't focus on anything.'' He sighed in a fake dramatic voice, leaning his head back against the wall. His gaze was in complete tunnel vision for his boyfriend, a grin widening on his lips as he proudly announces his terribly awful joke--.

''If you're gonna keep kissing and praising me like that something else will grow.''

Well, it did have some truth in it.

A raspy laugh emitted from the back of Taehyung’s throat, who shook his head in utter disbelief. By the time the hearty sound gradually quieted down, the elder’s tongue swiped over his still swollen lips; which had yet to simmer down from their previous make out session.

“Oh yeah? What else..?”

Taehyung pressed his thigh against Jungkook’s crotch, playing with his boyfriend’s senses whilst he wore a shameless lopsided grin.

“I dunno what you’re talking about.”

He pressed on it harder, somewhat making out the thick shape of the younger’s cock as he faintly moved his leg, practically kneading the spot in between his boyfriend’s legs.

Acting as if he didn’t just do any of that, Taehyung outstretched his arms over his head, holding back his prickling smile.

“The weather’s lovely today, isn’t it?”

A not so subtle sigh emitted from Jungkook's lips, morphing into a low whine at the way the elders knee massaged his length.

"Oh, fuck off..." he smiled, the light tone of his voice indicating the affection in his curses. His boyfriend surely knew how to tease back-- it must be a revenge from the countless times the younger had teased him first.

"We're gonna end up skipping the entire day if you keep going--" his voice was cut off by another shameless gasp, kooks fingers curling into fists as they grasp Taehyung's shirt to pull him back into a needier kiss, teeth almost clashing together between the heavier breaths, "making me needy" he murmurs his muffled words between their kisses.

Taehyung’s teeth tugged at Jungkook’s bottom lip, lightly nibbling on the soft skin as if asking permission for his tongue to intrude in the pit of warmth. His hands grasp his boyfriend’s waist, roughly manhandling the boy as he pulled him towards his body, deepening his deprived hunger for their kisses.

“Maybe I wanna make you needy.” The elder's velvety voice purred into his ear, one hand placed on the slope of his boyfriend’s nape, drawing him all the more closer.

"But we shouldn't.."

It was too risky, the lust wasn’t worth the hassle.

With a quick glance downwards, Tae’s chuckle rang once more. Their hard-ons were prominently poking at the fabric of their pants and with the little space between them, they inevitably brushed against one another.

“Later tonight. Get ready,” He leaned in to press an innocent kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, purposely leaning in closer than needed for additional contact, their hardened, clothed cocks pinning together for a teasing second.

“I don’t wanna leavee..” Taehyung groaned in annoyance, finding their alone time to be more entertaining than class.

Jungkook whined in annoyance, a small pout on his lips as his doe eyes stared at Taehyung, "And you call me a tease...." he sighs with a smile, still keeping a tight grip on Taes shirt, hesitant to let go. Eventually, however, he did; instead letting his hands fix Taehyung's mess of a hair once more. Or at least attempt to.

"Let's head back then before I change my mind, I'll drag you to the ground if you even look at me." He scrunch his nose in a giggle, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend on the nose.

Much to their disclosure, they weren’t alone, someone else had been recording their supposedly secret interaction.

What they planned to do with the footage? No one else knew but them. And whatever the outcome was, it wasn’t going to be pretty.

The last class of the day was soon done and over with, making Taehyung ecstatic as he hastily packed his things (packing as in shoving his loose pieces of paper in his backpack), aiming towards the door with hurried steps.

Ever since his last interaction with the younger, Tae’s been awfully.. needy.

His sexual hormones were bouncing off the roof, tauntingly chanting ‘Jungkook, Jungkook,’ again and again until that was all he knew.

As Taehyung made his way to the common common area, he shamelessly wondered if his boyfriend would be up for fucking in his crappy car again.

The elder knew he’d said they would wait until tonight, but ‘tonight’ wasn’t right now.

Damn, Tae would love to try out different positions in such a compact space..

It was thrilling.

Oblivious to him, students’ un-welcomed stares dug holes in his back, watching the boy’s every move with utter shock— utter revelation. It was as if they were the camera lens themselves.

There was no way Taehyung was the other guy in the newly surfaced video, right?

Jeon Jungkook was one of them— for sure. He was unknowingly facing the shot, kissing another boy— who appeared to be Tae— with a bunny grin on his beaming face.

The video started with them making out; Jungkook’s doe eyes fluttered shut as Taehyung held him close, head slightly tilted to the side.

The frame zoomed in on the two boys’ comfortable posture, the elder could be seen rubbing his knee against Kook’s crotch, the latter slyly smiling in response.

Then more kissing, Taehyung whispering little things in his boyfriend’s ear..

To wrap things up, the footage cut off at the soft kiss on the elder’s nose, proceeding to zoom in on their tangled hands whilst they walked out of sight.

It was messy.. to everyone else but Taehyung. He waited for Jungkook in the same area as always, brushing off the ill looks thrown his way.

Jungkook hurried from the lecture room as soon as class was dismissed, backpack thrown over one shoulder as he walked in brisk steps through the hallways-- not as oblivious to the drilling looks coming his way. However, he was rather used to it by now-- so it didn't phase him as much as it probably should..

But then again, why? People haven't looked at him that way since he came out... and he rarely checked his phone, so he was completely unknowing of the circling video.

He shrugged it off, heading towards the common area to find his boyfriend idly waiting for him, the younger opted to jog to close the distance between them & nudged Taehyung on the shoulder.

"Hey! Waited long?" He grinned up at Tae, but it quickly faded as he once again noticed the murmurs and looks of basically everybody around them. Jungkook's eyes roamed the room, but decided to let them land back on Taehyung.

"Lets go?" He started to feel weirdly uncomfortable with all the stares, he wanted to get out of there.

As they headed out, a group of guys-- specifically the jocks that had called Jungkook a f*ggot without him knowing to Tae, had started to whistle and throw slurs towards the boys.

"The fairy put you under his spell huh?" One chanted, the others quickly laughing and motioning taking a dick in their mouth, "Hey, Taehyung! Are you the girl or the guy?!" Another snickered.

The more time they spent displayed in the common area like a plague, Taehyung’s natural obliviousness slowly diminished until all he became was hyper aware of his deafening atmosphere. The murmurs were exceptionally quiet, but they hit his ears like breaking glass.

He mindlessly nodded at his boyfriend whilst he challenged the students’ nosy stares with his own, asserting his dominance over the situation as they aimed for the nearest exit.

Unaware of the next obstacle they were going to have to face, Tae hesitantly parted his sealed lips, about to ask Jungkook the burning question they were both thinking— ‘what the hell was that?’— when Kai and his clique approached them with confident strides.

“W-what..?” Very much disoriented, Tae forced out a strained chuckle, “funny..”

The boy tried to play along with their obvious joke, his awkward laughter blending in with the group’s taunting snickers.

“No, dude..” Haechan amusingly corrected, “who takes a dick up the ass? Who’s the girl in the relationship?”

The elder’s chest shriveled up into an uncomfortable knot, and so did his throat as he was barely able to utter back a word.

What..?

“What— what relationship?” He shakily asked, completely disregarding the other foul comment. Glancing over at Jungkook, the look of fright on Taehyung’s face was evident.

“This relationship,” a phone was shoved into their faces, replaying the invasive video that had been going around all day.

It seemed like it would never end..

Taehyung swore he felt his heart drop.

“Uhm—“

“Fucking disgusting if you ask me.”

“N-no.. it’s just..” His breathing was uneven, eyes blown wide as they stared blankly ahead.

Fuck— this was too much too soon.

By now, a small crowd had gathered around them, only adding salt to Taehyung’s aching panic.

“F*ggot!” One of the guys deliberately spat in the elder’s face— not literally, but it sure felt like it.

Tears rushed to the brim of Tae’s eyes, which had yet to decipher into their normal shape.

He was having trouble breathing, clear in the way his chest vigorously heaved in its place. His face was drained of any color, and the buzzing in his ear was getting hard to bear.

Taehyung hadn’t even noticed their close friends had stepped in on their behalf, Yoongi’s vulgar curses sounding like pure gibberish.

He couldn’t move, it was as if he was glued to his place.

Shit, Tae wanted to disappear.

And so did Jungkook. He was frozen in place as he watched the video, their privacy suddenly open for all to see. Not that he was ashamed of them, but because whether this was a secret or not; it was their moment of privacy, invaded.

Kook quickly glanced over at his boyfriend, mouth parting and closing several times as he struggled to find his words, his worry for the elder growing more important than the worry for what everyone else thinks of him.

He wondered what Taehyung felt... even if it was an invasion of their privacy, he seemed ashamed of them. That didn't go unnoticed.

However he decided to shrug it off, instead focusing on getting them the fuck out of there, tugging at Taes arm.

"Come on." He murmured as he pulled the elder with him, grateful for his hyungs shooing everybody away. He'd have to thank them later; but now all he could focus on was taking his boyfriend out of this situation.

After finally being able to pull Taehyung out of his frozen spot, Kook guided him towards a more secluded area next to the school building to wait until the parking lot would be less crowded.

"Hey," Jungkook softly uttered as he cupped Taes cheeks to try to get in contact with him-- he seemed completely out of it. The younger doe eyes were blown wide with concern.

"Hey, it's okay."

Taehyung didn’t believe that for a second.

It wasn’t okay, their relationship was just outed to the whole goddamn school! What.. what if his father finds out one way or another?

What if he gets ridiculed for the rest of his senior year?

The elder forcefully withdrew from the other’s grainy hands, his cheeks beginning to sting from Jungkook’s touch.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” was the first thing Taehyung muttered, gripping at his hair in agitation. “I-I shouldn’t have.. fuck!”

More fresh tears rushed to his eyes, glazing over the anger that was still present, raven fringe shielding the hurt they obtained.

Jungkook took a step back like he'd been punched in the gut by Taehyung's reaction, his hands falling limp to his sides as he stared at the male in front of him. Tae was almost unrecognizable in Kook's eyes.

''Wha-- Tae, calm down...'' He took a breath of his own, as if trying to take his own advice and remain calm.. But it was fucking hard, it felt like Taehyung was shoving the blame on them, or him for this.

Jungkook curled his hands into fists, unsure what to do when his growing uncomfort hurled over him. He wanted to hold Taehyung, but the elder didn't seem to even want to touch Jungkook, acting like his touch was comparable to fire.

''Taehyung, sit down--''

“Yeah,” Tae scoffed, “calm down..” he boldly mocked the younger, jaw tightly clenched in its place out of anger. Finally, he shifted his anxiety-drunken gaze to his boyfriend’s dimmed eyes, nostrils flared up as his overwhelming emotions once again got the best of him.

“What the fuck is that gonna do, Jungkook?!” He roared in the boy’s face, remaining composure unwinding with every barbarous word.

“The damage is already done! Great, we’re the f*ggots of our school now.”

Taehyung breathed out a soft, saddened laugh, running his hand down his face in boiling regret.

Shit, how much he wished he could go back in time and prevent this bullshit from happening.

“Wha— you were facing the camera anyways, why didn’t you notice?!”

'F*ggots of our school.'

Another verbal punch thrown into the younger's gut, causing him to flinch at the mocking tone. Now it was Jungkook's turn to feel his anger slowly boiling up in his veins that were growing prominent in his arms through the hard, clenched fists to his sides, nostrils flaring as he took deep breaths.

''Why are you blaming me?! I didn't see anybody!'' His voice no longer had any sign of worry, instead laced with frustration. What the fuck was going on with the sudden, undeserved hostility?

Jungkook took a step closer to his boyfriend. ''It's not the end of the world!'

Taehyung stumbled back a couple steps, ensuring there was a noted distance between them.

“I know it’s not the goddamn end of your world!” He angrily retorted back. “but for my fucked up.. trashy, hell of a world it is!”

The elder’s brittle voice wavered, the veins in his neck significantly strained.

“Jungkook.. if— if my father finds out..” The corner of his lip twitched at the mere thought of his worst nightmare, curtly snapping his head to the side when he felt his eyes sting with more tears. Sadly, Taehyung feared for his well being whenever he was around that monster. If he found out that his son was dating another guy...

The elder didn’t want to think about the possible consequences.

“This is—“

“Hey! Guys, we were looking for you..” Jimin and Seokjin ran towards them, gradually stopping midway when they made out the tense aura oozing off of the wanted pair.

Their postures were rigid, and judging from the look in Taehyung’s face, things weren’t looking too good.

“You can get a ride from them, right? I’m leaving.” The elder left Jungkook on his own, unbothered to wait for a clear answer before walking off towards his car, the tightness in his chest having yet to cease.

“Jungkook..” Jimin hesitantly reached out for his friend, resting his smaller hand on the younger’s shoulder.

Jungkook was left speechless at the sudden turn of events, again.

He hadn't even been able to process what the fuck had just happened-- just an hour ago they were excited to go home together, and now Taehyung left the younger alone without even a single look.

Kook flinched when he felt Jimin's hand on his shoulder, not even registering that they were there until Tae was out of sight.

''I'm gonna... uh, walk home.''

God knows he needed it.

''Jungkook, no, let us drive you?'' Jimin tried, but he knew it was useless. Their youngest was obviously upset-- for good reason probably, and his much needed space was understandable.

''Nah, just-- I need to go.'' Jungkook sighed, glancing over at the worried looks of his hyungs, ''Thank you.''

Without another word, Jungkook threw his backpack over his shoulder and headed towards his apartment, mind constantly replaying the words thrown at him just mere minutes before.

He stepped inside of his apartment, letting his bag fall to the floor along with his jacket, mindlessly kicking off his shoes before slumping down into his couch with a thud, fishing his phone out. He knew he shouldn't, but he pulled up the video circling on the snapchat stories, seeing peoples terrible commentary to the event. Anything from the overused slurs to mocking the two. But what kook truly focused on was the two men in the video, the zoom of their intertwined hands walking off at the end. It hurt to watch-- because he missed Tae’s touch, the mere memory of Taehyung flinching away from his touch made his chest ache.

Should he text him? Jungkook rarely did.. Or did he need time alone? Fuck, he needed to relax. It's fine, right? Like every other fucking time they fought, they'd bounce back.

Jungkook decided to simply put his phone down and go to bed instead, hoping things would have cooled off by tomorrow.

Taehyung disregarded the sound of the familiar alarm, letting him know that it was time to get ready for practice.

He barely slept last night, feeling alienated in his spacious bed. Taehyung had gotten too comfortable with Jungkook, even his own bed felt.. strange, like it wasn’t the right fit. His room— in which he’d spent most of his time hiding— didn’t feel the same, either.

With an unpleased groan, Tae blindly followed the dreadful ring with his ears, finally taking his phone into his hand before putting it on silence.

He didn’t want to get bombarded with judgemental stares during the day. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle it. So.. Taehyung didn’t bother to find out for himself. The elder had barely any energy left in him, proved by the way his eyelids threatened to close with every passing second.

Jungkook drowsily turned his alarm off as soon as it rang, arm automatically reaching over out of habit towards the empty space next to him. He sighed deeply. So it wasn't just a fucking dream, then.

He wondered what today would be like.

Hopefully Taehyung had calmed down and rationed things.

But, to the younger's surprise-- Taehyung was nowhere to be seen as he stepped into practice. His eyes roamed the court, craning his neck to find the face he wished to see.

''Hey Kook!'' Jimin chimed, hopping towards his younger friend, ''How are you feeling? Are you okay?''

Jimin put an arm around Kook, leading him towards the anticipating group, their eyes flickering between Jungkook and each other.

''Hey, uh..'' Namjoon began, but was quickly interrupted by Yoongi.

''Where's Taehyung?''

Yoongi flinched at the kick on his shin from Hoseok.

''I, uh...I don't know? I thought he'd be here.'' Jungkook shrugged, masking his obvious worry and frustration. Maybe he just needed more space than Kook thought.

The entire day was dreadful, from enduring all the stares and whispers from what felt like every single student in the school, to attempting to focus in class. It was useless. All he could think about was Taehyung.

Finally, the bell rang-- the younger able to head home, his phone glued to his face on the way. Still radio silence. It wasn't like his boyfriend to go this long without any contact...

When Kook finally got home, he opted to try to send a text:

To: Tae Hey, are you okay?

Jungkook read his text over and over, even added a 'Miss you', but decided to delete that part before hitting send. It was simple, but the least he could do was reach out.

A deep sigh left his lips before he repeated the same routine of worrying, showering, eating a half-assed meal and heading to bed. Tomorrow he'd surely come.

Taehyung spent the majority of the day laying under his covers, safely tucked away from his troubles.

The only excuse for his feet to touch the ground was when he needed to use the restroom, or when his stomach audibly protested for its first bite of food.

He’d seen Jungkook initiate a text, but unlike the previous times, he wasn’t extremely eager to answer.

Even the slightest bit of movement was physically draining.

When his father came home, Taehyung had yet to move from his lying position.

Now he had more of a reason to stay put.

He’d fallen asleep soon after, and by the time Taehyung checked his phone, it was 10:34 in the morning.

Fuck.. well, why bother going to school now, right? His first hour class had already passed.

Taehyung didn’t think about sending one of his friends a text, mind too foggy to act unselfish.

They probably weren’t even worried, and with that incorrect thought in his head, Tae fell back asleep.

If that first day wasn't already long and dreadful, the second day was next level for Jungkook.

Once again, Taehyung hadn't shown up to practice, nor did he show up to school at all.

And it didn't help that his hyungs were up his ass about it too.

'Where's Taehyung?'

'Is he sick?'

'Are you guys okay?'

Were they okay? Jungkook didn't fucking know. He couldn't get a hold of the boy. And to think of it-- the elder hadn't even replied to the text. Worried was an understatement at this point.

Jungkook got through the routines of the day, minutes felt like hours without his boyfriend, and as the day had started to melt together, the bell rang once again, the day over.

He headed towards the common area once more, internally cursing himself out for automatically expecting Taehyung to stand in his usual spot-- only feeling his chest tighten when he wasn't.

Kook walked home slowly this time, oddly enough checking his phone more frequently for any sign of Tae, but to no avail. If he wouldn't show up tomorrow, he'd definitely have to do something about this.

To everyone’s surprise-- Taehyung’s included-- the boy went back to school after his two-day streak of absence. He figured he couldn’t skip out on his remaining months, no matter how tempting it was to just.. vanish. As a side effect of his profound anxiety, Tae was more reserved than usual. He feared getting flooded with any unwanted questions, and his peers’ shameless murmurs only worsened his internal turmoil.

Maybe toughening up was a shitty idea; the second he stepped in those halls the wall he’d built for himself came crashing down.

With his hood shielding him from the outside world, Taehyung walked into the locker room. His steps were far from confident, and to anyone with a pair of working eyes it was obvious Tae was practically pushing himself to not curl up into a ball and feel bad for himself.

The elder feared hearing that word, it was weird in its own way. Whenever the slur was directed towards Jungkook, Taehyung didn’t think twice before throwing a punch. However, when it was meant for him he felt weak. He hated it.

However, nobody had uttered a single word towards Taehyung as of yet, only murmurs amongst themselves-- not even his friends. Not even Jungkook, who kept at a distance as he watched the elder ignore everybody like he was in his own bubble.

Kook was surprised to see him, and still seemingly in a weird state of mind…

Was Taehyung gonna say something? Should Jungkook say something? He felt weird about it-- and the constant glances from everybody else made him hesitate. He didn't want to make it worse..

Instead, the younger opted for throwing quick glances every now and then, hoping Tae would be looking at him as well for any indication that they'd talk. But he got nothing, and it was almost eerie.

It was frustrating as hell.

Jungkook hoped that as the locker room emptied out, Taehyung would stay around for a private conversation, but that was apparently not part of the plan as Jungkook watched the elder turn to leave without a word once more, kook following behind in silence. This day was gonna be long.

The elder failed to make every basket during practice, his aim was off, and his overall stance was stiff. It worried Namjoon, not only because one of his best players was lacking, but because his friend had his head in the clouds.

He’s never seen Taehyung this out of it..

But then again, when someone’s been forced to come out by a silly video roaming around the school, it was reasonable to be scared.

Namjoon just would’ve never guessed Tae was one of the people who were easily affected by useless chatter. He’s always deemed the younger as strong, fearless.

Joon had yet to be proven wrong.

Taehyung showed up today, and the elder found that to be the epitome of bravery.

If he was in his shoes, Namjoon wouldn’t know what to do. Not show his face in school, that was for sure.

In that moment, it had been established that Tae was far stronger than he was.

“Joon, can I get a drink of water.”

He’d been in the middle of a speech when Taehyung interrupted. Usually Joon would’ve scolded him for it, but with the way the morning’s been going, the elder simply nodded like a bobble head.

All watched the gloomy boy step out of the gymnasium, all the while Joon’s eyes were glued on Kook. There was definitely something going on between the two.

Namjoon waited a couple of seconds, anticipating Taehyung’s return.

Either the latter was extremely thirsty, or he used that as an excuse to leave mid practice.

“Uh.. I need someone to fetch me some extra basketballs. Jungkook? Can you do that?”

Really Namjoon was just giving the younger one a reason to chase after his troubled boyfriend, hoping they figure things out amongst themselves.

Jungkook didn't hesitate for even a second as soon as Namjoon gave him a chance at chasing after his boyfriend. A quick, grateful look given to the captain was all he gave before heading out the door, mind still swirling with his thoughts. Anxiety was a bitch, always amplifying and spurring on his worries-- and the way Taehyung was acting didn't help at all.

Jungkook finally found the familiar male bent over the water fountain. A part of him felt relieved just seeing him in the flesh, he wasn't randomly gone-- and by the looks of it, he hasn't gotten hurt..

Before, Jungkook had been hesitant, even cautious to talk to the elder, but after this amount of time, he'd grown tired of this shit. It wasn't his fault, none of this!

"Taehyung." Jungkook breathed the words out, as if he hadn't said them in so long that it felt.. weird, yet familiar. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his boyfriend to tell him anything. Why weren't they talking this through?

Taehyung’s muscles tensed under the intrusive voice, slowly straightening his posture as he made a great effort to meet Jungkook’s hardened gaze.

“Look.. I’m not in the mood to talk, alright?”

Taehyung attempted to walk around the younger, feeling as if there was a vacuum sucking all the air out of his lungs.

For all he knew, someone could be recording them right now, stepping into their personal problems without an invite.

Jungkook swiftly stepped in front of Taehyung, blocking the way with his wider frame. His eyes squinted in frustration, fingers digging his blunt nails into his own biceps to keep himself as calm as possible. Tae really had the nerve to say he doesn't want to talk?

"Are you serious? I've worried for two days and that's the first thing you say?"

Taehyung breathed out in exasperation, wanting nothing more than to push Jungkook out of his way. The latter was visibly stronger so Tae decided to stay put, at least for now..

“You didn’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.” He mirrored the younger’s stance, arms tensely crossed over his chest.

Jungkooks common ritual of frustration appeared in the form of his tongue prodding the inside of his cheek, the annoyed head tilt following as he tried to read the expression in Taehyung's face. Why did he suddenly feel like a stranger? Why did he suddenly feel like the old Taehyung?

"You're kidding me... stop acting like this, just fucking talk to me!" Jungkook untangled himself from his own arms to place his hands on his hips. "I can't stand the silence."

“Maybe I don’t fucking wanna talk to you! Ever thought about that?!”

The elder’s chest heaved, bigger hands balled up into tight fists at his sides. He let out a shaky exhale, lowering his brittle voice after a few seconds of scraping around for his inner serenity.

“Ever thought about what I fucking wanted?” His fragile tone was a distraction from the deafening silence.

As if Jungkook was a contagious disease, Tae cowardly stepped back.

“I— I tried to please you, Jungkook,” the elder continued, “even when I wasn’t comfortable with— with showing public affection, or letting you hug me in front of other people, I still did it.”

Taehyung shook his head, as if not believing he allowed himself to fall so deep.

“Hell, I wanted to make you happy. I couldn’t say how scared I felt.. or my take on the situation. And you know what? I wish I would’ve put me first.”

More silence..

“I wasn’t fucking ready like you were! I-I just... wasn’t.”

Taehyung ran a hand through his hair, breaking down with every truthful word.

“Maybe if I listened to my gut, none of this shit would’ve happened.”

Jungkook took in every word, each one of them building to his whirl of emotions clashing in his chest. He wasn't sure what to say, arguing with the elder is like talking to a wall sometimes...

He exhaled a shaky breath, eyes averting Taes as he stared down at the ground. A short nod followed, his jaw muscles clenching. Jungkook just wanted them to be good again, but the elder continuously pushes that thought away with his words.

"Fine." He murmurs, no longer feeling the need to speak to Taehyung when all he got thrown at him was blame. He took another step back, slowly distancing himself as well before he would lose his temper-- the urge to fucking punch him was burning. And yet... the other part of him wanted to cry. This entire situation was just pure shit...

Taehyung didn’t build on what he had to say, simply walking around Jungkook now that he seemed more inattentive of his surroundings.

The elder saw the millions of thoughts flashing through his boyfriend’s glazed eyes.

He felt guilty; Tae didn’t particularly get off on angering the younger, or leaving him close to tears. But he had to get that off his heavy chest, he was already short of breath. Leaving the uncomfortable mass to linger would’ve been deadly.

Jungkook took a deep, silent breath as he waited for Taehyung to be out of sight until he came back down to reality. He still didn't entirely get the uncomfortable tension between them. It was so sudden...

Jungkook had to take a moment, fighting his fight or flight instincts telling him to get the fuck out of there. He pushed the emotions down, completely forgetting about the instructions from Namjoon to get the basketballs as he headed back to the court. Hopefully practice was over soon anyway. He just wanted to go home.

The rest of the long day Taehyung spent avoiding Jungkook, succeeding in doing so considering they didn’t share any common classes. Before, that was something Taehyung wished was different.

He wanted to be in the same class as his boyfriend, anything to be close to him.

Now? He was glad that wasn’t the case, it would hurt too much to make eye contact with him from across the room.

Tae’s blurry mind wasn’t on board, however, the younger was all he thought about.

Jungkook was all he knew, in a sense. It felt weird not being able to talk, to send him pestering messages only for Kook to ignore them, picking out the marshmallows in his cereal to give them to him..

It sucked, but Taehyung knew space was the medication they needed.

The elder was up in his room, shaky thumbs hovering above his phone’s keyboard whilst he stalled on Jungkook’s contact.

He’d been thinking about how unstable their relationship was; how they always fought more often than not— how most of their loud bickering was because of something he’d done.

Taehyung didn’t know how the fuck to act in a relationship, he was a piece of shit.

His boyfriend deserved better.. he deserved a guy who’d proudly show him off, kiss him without any fears, hold his hand without worrying about outsiders’ stares. Someone not nearly as messy.

Tae harshly wiped away a stray tear, inhaling softly to stay grounded.

He’d already made up his mind, but /fuck/ was it hard to actually go through with it..

Exhaling, Taehyung quickly typed out the same phrase that’s been haunting him all day, pushing ‘send’ once he was done.

To: Kook I think we should break up.

Taehyung knew that if he read over it once again, he’d lose all courage to end things.

He was only looking out for Jungkook, after all.

On the other end of things, that was the exact opposite of what Taehyung did.

#fic: Love maze #vkook fic #taekook fic #taekook series #vkook series #bts fluff #bts smut #bts series #sombreboy #bts mxm #taehyung x jungkook

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survivormetaverse · 3 years

Text

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me!

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing.

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal.

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active.

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

#episode #episodes

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years

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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 172 prt 2

“Keith, put the phone on speaker!”

“You hear that?”

Pidge sounded grumpy

“Our gremlin being cranky?”

“Yeah. Are you okay to do that?”

“I’ve got it... lemme push the button”

Lance pressed speaker, managing to get it right again

“Okay, you’re on speaker, Pidge”

“Good! Hunk, help, they’re being romantic!”

“I know. I don’t know what Keith is saying, but it’s calming Lance down”

“They’re being all gross”

“Love isn’t gross”

“Because you and Shay are mental for each other. I’ll take my electronics instead. Now, I’m hooked up to your computer. Coran’s password works for everything”

“So it should work on here?”

“I’d say so. You ready?”

“Give it to me”

“It’s all one word. Coran-the-galant”

What the heck? Coran’s password involved himself? Then again, it was so weird that it was perfect. No one would think that Coran’s password was himself

“Pidge?”

“Don’t ask me. Maybe he had dreams of a sweeping red cape and slaying evil hoards”

“But... that?”

“Dude. I know you already changed your passwords to do with Shay”

Hunk blushed furiously, hissing

“Pidge!”

“I’m just saying. Are you in yet?”

“I’m getting there”

“Then hurry up. I don’t know how long I can listen to Keith and Lance”

Lance huffed

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about”

“You two being gross. Can’t you... I don’t know... do something useful like brainstorm how to stop a demon”

“We don’t know how”

“Well that doesn’t help. What if it’s on the loose?!”

“Then we have to get to Coran and Allura as soon as possible”

“Says the man who chose now to be in not labour”

“I can’t help it!”

“Pidge, stop teasing Lance. He only just started looking human again”

“That’s because he’s got a big gay crush on Keith”

“Is it still a crush if they’re dating?”

“I don’t know. I assume so”

“Good to know. Okay, I’m in”

“Great. I’ll wait for you”

“What are we concentrating on?”

“Getting the doors to the stairs up. Keith needs to get to his locker, and Lance needs to get to the infirmary”

“On it. I’ll work on this hallway, you do yours”

“Like I need you to tell me that. Oh, be careful of the encryption, it’s not Pidge level but it’s good”

“I can’t wait to see. Double or single?”

“Single and rolling”

“Damn”

“Yep”

“I wouldn’t mind meeting whoever wrote the code”

“I know, right? I’m going in!”

Keith could have kissed Pidge. Getting the walls up meant they couldn’t do anything about the lights and alarms, but they could leave the corridor. Selecting each door individually, she’d cleared through the staircase, going halves with Hunk for the floor between them. She would have brought the whole computer set up with her if she could. With comms not working, and there no way in hell Keith was leaving her behind, Keith dragged out the lab hoping he was guiding her the right way.

He wasn’t. Pidge had to guide him as she chided him for being lost. It was easier for them to get to Hunk and Lance than it was for Lance and Hunk to come to them, despite them being on the lower level. Keeping his sniper rifle up, he swept through the halls as they walked. The few staff they did pass seemed perplexed that this wasn’t a drill. Apparently Coran was one for drills at all kinds of odd hours. He was going to have to talk to him about that. It’d happened so many times that Coran’s staff was becoming immune. With his heart hammering, his head was filled with Lance. Get Lance, get to the infirmary, go from there. The three stages to his plan played on a loop in his head.

By the time they reached the main level, Keith had lost all patience. Running up the stairs, Pidge panted and cursed behind him, vowing death on those who invented physical exercise. Once in the hallways, he knew the way to both their friends. Leaving Pidge behind, he ran along the hall, smacking into the reception desk because he’d forgotten stopping was a thing

“Keith! Bud! I’m so glad you’re here!”

Hunk stood, eyes filling with tears. The words heartfelt... and kind of ignored. Rushing around the desk, he threw himself down to sit beside Lance. His boyfriend’s wings still out, and his colour deathly

“Lance?”

Tapping Lance’s cheek, Lance roused. How could Hunk let him sleep!? Sleep wasn’t good if Lance had started losing blood

“K-Keith?”

Realising he was real, Lance threw his arms around him. Keith falling on his arse with the impact

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you, babe. I’ve got you. You’re okay”

“I was scared!”

Keith chuckled. Lance had his moments, but he’d also had his moments where he’d taken charge. His boyfriend’s brain never shut up

“I know. How do you feel? Does it still hurt?”

“Yes... I don’t want to lose them”

“I know. Hunk, can you get the doors open to Coran’s office?”

“I’m working on it, but his and Allura’s office have an extra layer of security”

Reaching the desk, Pidge had both hands on her sides as she panted

“Oh, don’t worry about me, I’ve done all the hard work... I’m just... going to die now...”

“I need your help with this encryption. If we lift these four doors we’ll clear the way to Coran’s office without opening the stairs to the car park”

Pidge groaned, moving around the reception desk as she did

“I demand a pay rise... no one said running... was going to happen”

Leaving Pidge and Hunk to nerd, Keith pulled Lance up against him. His boyfriend’s legs over his left leg as he nosed his hair. His left hand rested on Lance’s belly

“Have they been moving?”

“Not as much today... I don’t want to lose them”

“You won’t. You’re not going to”

“I’m sorry... we need to be focusing on Shiro. We need to get to them. It feels like something’s really wrong”

“Coran can handle it. Allura is scary when she’s mad. Can you image how scary she’d be if a demon insulted her?”

“Very... shit... it hurts”

“I know. Keep breathing for me”

“I have been”

“Good. Good. You’ll be okay”

Lance sniffled sadly, whimpering as he hid his face with his forehead against Keith’s

“I wet myself...”

“I think that’s kind of perfectly okay given things”

“It’s embarrassing”

“It’s not like you’ve had access to a bathroom in the last two hours”

“Is that how long it’s been? It feels so much longer”

“You guys were trapped in the elevator for awhile...”

“I don’t like them”

“I’m not feeling too love towards them”

“It felt like it was going to fall and we were going to be eaten by the darkness”

“I’m sorry. I should have...”

“Don’t. We were getting coffee, like we’ve done dozens of times”

“Still”

“No. No. You came to our rescue again. You and Pidge make a great team. I was useless”

“So was I”

“You calmed me down”

“Really?”

Lance sniffled loudly, nodding as he did

“Yeah. Yeah, you did. This feeling’s really upset my ego. I watched my own nails shrink as you talked to me”

“I’m glad your ego thinks so highly of me”

“So am I... Keith, what do we do if the twins aren’t okay? What if this was what Allura saw? Me losing them... Shiro in pain? We thought it was us...”

That fucking prophecy. Keith knew it’d come back to bite them on the arse, but Allura had never mentioned the rest of all of this

“I... I don’t know. I don’t know how to get to him”

“If I was alone I could try the shaft? I’ve done it before...”

Keith shook his head immediately. This wasn’t like the mines in Garrison

“No. I am not letting you go down there alone. Either we all go or we all stay, or we all escape. There’s no in between’s or maybe’s”

“Once we’ve hit Coran’s office, we should get down to my lab”

“Coran’s office?”

Oh. Yeah... Lance probably wasn’t thinking straight

“We’ll get you some blood”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea when my ego is flaring”

“You need your strength, babe”

“You’re the one always rescuing me. Maybe I am a princess after all. You’re my knight in not so shining armour, Keith Kogane”

“And you’re my idiot crumpet”

“Says the anger loaf”

Keith nodded with a smile on his lips, agreeing completely. He’s taken absolutely any teasing from Lance because Lance had taught how to tease with love not malice

“Says the anger loaf”

#once bitten twice stupid #oncebittentwicestupid #ashratherose

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ft-dads-au · 4 years

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The Loudest Silence

I Take Pride In What I Am 2020 Prompt: Quiet Pairing(s): Sting x Yukino (Unrequited), Human (Weisslogia x Female Skiadrum), Master Bob & Weisslogia, Weisslogia & Sting

A Collaboration by @mdelpin and @oryu404

AO3 | FF.Net

Summary: “I really like you...as more than a best friend…”

Yukino had been his best friend since...forever? Sting couldn’t even remember not being friends with her. She was a beautiful girl, smart, kind, and funny...

There was just one problem.

“I love you, I really do, but I can’t love you like that.”

April 25, 2008

“Hey, Sting? Can I talk to you for a second?”

It was a beautiful day, but not even the warmth of the sun kissing his skin or the gentle sea breeze could lift Sting’s mood. He should be at the beach on a day like this, eating shaved ice and playing volleyball with his friends. Not moping in his backyard, twisting himself up in knots about what had happened with Yukino earlier that day.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you…”

Sting wasn’t oblivious. He’d noticed it a while ago, how Yukino was acting shy around him when she’d never done so before. And touchier. Reaching out to grab his hand or put hers on his shoulder too many times for him to ignore. Sometimes, when she was chatting with some of the other girls in their class, they’d all look his way and break out into giggles, and one of them would say something to her that made her blush, all flustered.

He’d been avoiding her for some time now, feeling guilty every time he saw the sad look on her face when he all but ran back home right after school, with some lame excuse like having too much homework. That guilt was only outweighed by the hope that she’d back down, but the very scenario Sting had been so afraid of had finally played out that day.

“I really like you...as more than a best friend…”

Yukino had been his best friend since...forever? Sting couldn’t even remember not being friends with her. She was a beautiful girl, smart, kind, and funny...

There was just one problem.

“I love you, I really do, but I can’t love you like that.”

Sting didn’t like girls. He’d much rather join them as they giggled and batted their lashes at cute boys.

As a kid, he’d always been drawn to guys he’d see in movies, video clips, or magazines, but it wasn’t until reaching his teens that he’d finally recognized it for what it was. The swimmers, surfers, and runners he’d see at the beach... Sting could watch them all day, and as soon as he realized that was precisely what he was doing most of the time, it was kind of impossible to deny the attraction he felt.

To himself, at least. He hadn’t been ready to admit that to anyone else yet, but Yukino’s confession had put him on the spot. As he’d watched her gather all her courage to express her feelings, a spark of hope shimmering in her eyes, he’d decided she deserved better than to be strung along. She deserved to know the truth, even if it broke his heart to tell her.

And just as he’d feared, she didn’t take it well. The hope in her eyes was replaced by the gloss of tears, and she’d left without saying another word.

“I’m sorry, Yuki…”

Sting rolled over on the grass, dropping the comic book he’d been trying to read in the hopes of distracting his thoughts, letting his eyes follow the white wisps of clouds that were slowly drifting through the sky above him. What would happen next? Would she tell her parents and sister? Their other friends? Classmates? How would they respond? And more importantly, would this mean the end of his friendship with Yukino? Sting was having a hard time imagining his life without her as his friend, they always did just about everything together.

“It’s way too hot to be racking your brain like that,” his dad’s chuckle suddenly sounded, snapping him out of his thoughts. He sat down next to Sting on the grass, shielding his face from the bright sunlight with one of his hands. “What’s bothering you, son? Anything I can help you with?”

Sting sighed, sitting up and facing his father. As nervous as he was about coming out for the second time that day, he could really use someone to talk to. Carrying this secret was wearing him down, he’d always been a terrible liar, and he just wanted to stop hiding. His parents were usually patient and understanding with him...Surely he could tell them this, right?

“Yukino has a crush on me,” he mumbled, picking a few blades of grass and rolling them between his fingers absently.

“Oh? Well, if you want advice on how to woo a girl, I’m not your guy,” Weiss chuckled, “At least, that’s what I’ve been told. But I can tell you this: as long as you just be yourself-”

“Dad, stop,” Sting cut in, “I don’t like her that way, and I wanted to tell her that without hurting her feelings.” He rubbed at his face in exasperation, “Besides, I tried being myself, and it didn’t go well at all. She might not want to be my friend anymore...”

“I’m sure you’re overreacting. You two have been friends for years, what makes you think she’d throw that away?” his father asked, offering a reassuring smile that crushed Sting under its weight, making him feel terrible about not being the son he was thought to be. There was also a hint of worry reflected in the slight furrow on Weiss’ brow as he waited for Sting to explain what was troubling him.

“It’s because I’m-” Sting hesitated, fighting an inner war between the part of him that longed to be free from the constant feeling of deception, and the part that just wanted to live up to everyone’s expectations. He could still chicken out if he wanted to, find some half-assed excuse for his words and behavior so he could stall for a little longer, but the truth would have to come out eventually. Besides, if Yukino ended up spreading the word, it would reach his parents sooner rather than later anyway. He’d prefer his dad hear it from him.

“I’m gay,” he admitted in a deep exhale, and just saying it out loud lifted such a huge burden from his shoulders already. He finally found the courage to look his father in the eyes, seeking his reaction, desperately hoping for the kind of understanding he was used to from him.

But it wasn’t there. Nothing was there. Instead, his dad was unusually silent. His expression was blank, as if he was looking right through Sting. Like he wasn’t even there.

“Oh.”

Oh? That was it? He’d just poured out his heart, and all he got in return was an Oh?

“Ugh, never mind,” Sting got up, suddenly feeling everything and nothing at the same time. A disappointment so vast it left a big empty hole that numbed him. “I’m outta here.”

Deep down, he was still holding on to the hope that his dad would stop him and call him back so they could talk about it, but Weisslogia remained quiet. He just let him stomp off without as much as uttering a single word, right when Sting needed him more than ever.

Resisting the urge to wait or look back, Sting rushed through the sliding door, passing the kitchen, where his mom was busy prepping food. For once, he wasn’t hungry.

“Now, now, why the hurry?” his mother called out, trying to soothe as always— a bright smile on her lips meant to lift his spirits managing to accomplish the very opposite.

He’d never felt so lonely before. Two of the people closest to him had let him down already, and he asked himself why she would be any different. He ignored her, simply because he couldn’t handle one more.

0-0

“What happened?” was the first thing to come out of his wife when Weisslogia stepped into the kitchen, the start of a rambling that interrupted all the thoughts he still hadn’t sorted yet.

“He already seemed off today, but then he just stormed off with a face like thunder and slammed all the doors in his path. I tried to talk to him, but he won’t say a word, doesn’t even want to come out of his room…” Skiadrum abandoned the fruits she’d been cutting, covering them with mesh food protectors to keep the bugs away, and sat down on one of the bar stools at the island counter, waiting for Weiss to give her an explanation. She was worried, and he couldn’t really blame her for that.

No matter how upset he was, Sting was never unresponsive. If anything, he’d come straight to them if something was bothering him, and could easily talk their ears off about it to help him process his emotions. Knowing that, Weiss felt awful about how their conversation, or lack thereof, had gone.

“It’s my fault,” he sighed as he sat across from Skia, running a hand through his hair. “He came to me with...something, and I wasn’t much of a help.”

“Something? Nothing too serious, I hope?”

“Well…” Weiss hesitated, unsure if he’d make things worse by telling her what he knew about their son without asking him first. But he wanted to soothe his wife’s worries and fix his mistake, and he couldn’t do that without Skia’s help. He was way out of his depth.

“Well?” she repeated, impatiently waiting for him to answer her questions.

“Well, Sting just told me that he’s homosexual.”

The frown of concern immediately fell off Skiadrum’s face, making way for a deadpan expression. “Don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming,” she said, the tone of her voice indicating that she already knew the truth.

“Wait, you knew?” Weiss asked her, perking up from his slumped position in surprise.

“Oh, come on! I’ve suspected it since he was 7! Remember that day when we spent half a day shopping with him for a winter coat? And ended up buying one from the girls’ department because he insisted all the boys’ ones had boring colors?”

He’d probably never forget that day. They’d been to every single clothing store in town, had thanked all the helpful staff members who had cheerfully tried to coax their son into liking one of the available options, but Sting was immune to even the best of sales pitches. ‘Nope, I hate it,’ he’d said, carrying an attitude that was so hilarious for a kid his age it made Weiss’ tired feet worthwhile.

“I figured he just liked brighter colors,” Weiss mumbled, shrugging his shoulders, “and he always kind of went his own way. Headstrong, just like his mother,” he tried to tease, but he lacked the spirit for it.

“That could’ve been the case, but there have been other signs pointing in this direction,” Skia argued, “and adding them all up, it just made sense to me.”

Signs? Weiss wasn’t sure what exactly she meant. He’d never reached that conclusion and the fact that his wife had made him feel even worse.

He knew he was oblivious to many things, but this was their child they were talking about—his son. And Weiss had always assumed he knew him through and through. Apparently, he’d been wrong. He wasn’t the attentive father he’d hoped to be.

“Why did you never mention it?” he sulked, wishing he’d gotten a heads up so he wouldn’t have been tongue-tied at the admission.

Noticing his dismay, Skiadrum got up to pour them both a glass of wine. “Because I could just as well have been wrong, and even if I wasn’t, it was still up to him to decide when he was ready to talk to us about it.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” she asked once she’d sat back down again and had a sip of wine, “Did your conversation go that badly?”

“There, uh...there wasn’t much of a conversation,” Weiss admitted guiltily, “I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t really say anything.”

Skiadrum almost choked in her wine.

“Oh my God, Weiss, really?!” she bleated, hiding her face in her hand, “Of course he’d take off at that, he must be thinking you’re rejecting him!”

“I’m not,” Weiss quickly assured, but as he tried to put himself in Sting’s shoes, he realized that was exactly what it must have looked like. “Oh, crap...I really messed up.”

“No, you haven’t-” Skia reached across the table to take her hand in his and chuckled, “Okay, maybe a little, but we all make mistakes. If I’d told you about my suspicions, this might not have happened, so I’m at fault here too. Now, let’s clear it up together, shall we?” She smiled at him and squeezed his hand, “You go talk to him, I’ll get started on a peace offering.”

She got up again, taking her wine glass with her as she moved to the counter and made room for the mixing bowl.

Weisslogia nodded absently, absorbed in his own thoughts. He had to admit, now that his wife had mentioned it, he was starting to see some of Sting’s quirks in a new light.

He was still letting the news sink in, trying once again to think about what he wanted to say, what he was supposed to say. But his mind was caught up in events that had happened long ago and knowing what he did, he couldn’t help but be scared for his son. And with that thought in mind, he decided to call the one person he knew who could help him.

0-0

“You did WHAT?” Bob yelled at Weiss through the phone, outraged at what he’d just been told, “Weisslogia Eucliffe, you utter simpleton!”

“I know, I know…” Weiss agreed, “and I’m working on it, okay? I just- I don’t know this stuff, and I really need your help.”

“Pfft, obviously,” his long time friend scoffed, “This stuff...Oh, that poor kid.”

“Not helping…” Weiss reminded him through gritted teeth, forcing a smile onto his face even though he knew Bob couldn’t see him, but he hoped it would help him remain somewhat positive. “Look, I just want to be a good dad, but I’m way out of my league here. I’m guessing he has questions, and I don’t know how to answer them. I’ll have to give him the talk again, don’t I? Where do I even begin? And what if someone-?”

“Pipe down,” Bob interrupted with a sigh, and it was then Weiss realized he’d been pacing through his study, almost pulling the old, corded phone off the desk. “Seriously, grab that pipe of yours and calm down. I’m getting stressed just from listening to you.”

He took that advice, even though he usually never smoked inside the house, opening a window and hoping the smell wouldn’t linger for too long.

“Okay,” Bob began, “First of all, I think it’s great that you want to be there for your son to answer his questions and give him the bees and the bees talk and all, but do you really think he’s lining up for that?”

“The bees and the bees?” Weiss puzzled for a moment until he understood what Bob meant, “Oh! I get it!”

“God, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward. Anyway, the point is, I know you want to protect him, but that really isn’t what he needs from you right now. All he really needs is for you to tell him that you’re proud of him and that you love him. Can’t be too hard, right?”

Bob’s words hit Weiss hard, leaving him speechless for the second time that day. The difference was that this time, he knew exactly what to say, what he should have said in the first place, and it broke him to realize that he hadn’t. He’d been so focused on the details that he’d lost sight over what was most important.

“You’re right. I screwed up, Bob,” he said miserably, “I let my boy down, what kind of a father am I?”

“This isn’t the time for that, Weiss. You weren’t expecting it. It happens, nothing is lost yet,” Bob assured him, “Trust me, you’re already doing better than a lot of other parents out there just by making an effort. Kids get thrown out of their houses for this or receive far worse responses than complete silence. God, the shit my dad said to me…”

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” Weiss immediately replied, remembering some of the things that Bob had shared with him about his earlier life.

“Water under the bridge, love,” Bob dismissed his apology, “You were the first person to accept me just the way I was, Weisslogia. You can do this. You’re going to march right into his room and put him out of his misery. Meanwhile, I will email you all the resources we use at the center so that you can be ready when he does ask questions. How does that sound?”

“Thanks,” Weiss smiled weakly into the phone, thinking it was a shame that Bob had moved back to Magnolia. He missed having him around as a friend. They had been through so much together during the time they’d lived together as roommates, first in med school and later when Bob had spent a few years in Edolas.

He could still remember all the terrible reactions Bob had gotten just for being proud of who he was and being unafraid to show it. He’d endured everything from name-calling, discrimination, and threats, to actual physical abuse. The latter was still freshly engraved on Weiss’ retinas like it happened only yesterday instead of decades ago, and the mere thought of something like that happening to Sting was enough to send his protective instincts into overdrive.

“Weiss?” Bob’s voice had turned somber, and Weisslogia instinctively tensed up. “I know where your mind is going, but… it was a different time. Our situations are different, okay? He’s going to be just fine.”

“Okay,” Weiss managed, he didn’t fully believe it, but his friend’s words did give him some comfort. “Thanks again, you’re the best.”

“Any time, dear,” Bob chirped, “Let me know how it went, and give Skia a big hug from me.”

They ended the call, and Weiss put out his pipe, feeling better now that he’d talked to Bob and got the reality check he’d needed.

He took a deep breath as he left the study and made his way upstairs, smiling at the sweet smell coming from the kitchen.

0-0

Sting’s room was a mess. There were clothes scattered all over the floor, ripped out of the closet as he’d picked out the ones to shove in a bag under the sound of loud music. Sting knew that the incident between him and his dad wasn’t over just yet, but he wanted to be ready to get the hell out if worse came to worst. He’d heard about parents having bad reactions before, but he had never expected that from his own family and best friend. He just assumed the worst, not knowing what to expect anymore.

As he took down the fairy lights that were hanging on the wall right next to his bed, his attention was gripped by the pictures he’d hung up just below them. Pictures of places he loved to visit, like the beach or the zoo. Pictures of him with Yukino and with his parents. He took one of them down, carefully removing the thumbtack and pushing it back into the wallpaper while he studied it up close.

It was a picture of Sting and his parents that one of the nurses at the clinic had taken last year. Sting was wearing his dad’s white coat and name tag for a class presentation. It looked kind of silly, as it was a few sizes too large on him, and they’d stuck with that theme by making funny faces at the camera—a happy family like they’d always been.

Pfft, yeah, right. What a joke!

Sting gazed at it, still remembering how he’d felt that day, so eager to fill his father’s shoes. His father was someone he’d always looked up to. He worked hard and had made a difference in so many people’s lives over the years, running the clinic, where everyone was treated equally regardless of how much money they made or what job they held.

Apparently, he didn’t view everyone as equally as Sting had thought.

Not able to contain his frustration, he moved over to his nightstand to grab some of his comic books. There were several he hadn’t gotten around to reading, and he wasn’t about to leave them behind. Once he’d scanned them all and picked his favorites, he turned around to put them in his already stuffed bag and nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed his dad standing in the doorway, staring at him in dismay.

“Can we talk?”

“Oh, so now you want to talk?” Sting chided, struggling to close the zipper of his bag, “Okay, sure. Whatever you have to say, just say it.”

His dad sighed, the sound inaudible over the out-of-place pop tunes but visible through his body language, “You surprised me, that’s all.”

“I surprised you?” Sting slung the words back, “How do you think I feel?”

Outraged by his father’s words, Sting couldn’t keep still, his body thrumming with nervous energy. He began taking a few items out of the bag, throwing them aside to make room for different ones.

“Can you please turn that down so we can talk?”

When Sting ignored his request, his father went ahead and turned off the music himself. “There, that’s better. It’s a hot day, isn’t it?” he pointed out, “Why don’t we sit outside for a while?”

He opened the door that led out to the balcony they shared and walked out, leaving the door open for Sting to follow.

Sting took one last look around his room, trying to decide what to do. His dad was acting oddly calm, which allowed a voice in the back of his head to suggest it might not be so bad. Still, its negative counterpart immediately reminded him that he hadn’t made any attempt whatsoever to stop him from packing his stuff either.

He’s just gonna let you leave, just like he let you walk away before, it taunted, and Sting had never felt so worthless.

Despite his fears, he went outside, his eyes glued to the ground because he knew it would only take one glance at his father’s face for him to break.

“Have I ever told you that your mother and I thought we’d never be able to have children?” his dad spoke the moment Sting stepped out on the balcony. “We’d been trying for years, and when it finally happened, your mom had a miscarriage that almost took her life. After that, we’d decided not to try anymore. But then, when we weren’t expecting it, you came along.”

He came closer, putting both his hands on Sting’s shoulders, “Hey, look at me.”

Sting obeyed hesitantly, noticing to his great surprise that his dad was smiling at him, the way he did so often. A proud smile that was both everything Sting wanted to see and unbearable to look at at the same time.

“You are the best thing that’s happened to us, and nothing will ever change that,” he said, hugging Sting close to his chest. “I’m so sorry for not having the words to tell you that right away.”

Sting’s doubts melted away as he felt the warmth of his father’s arms wrapped around him, and the reassurance of kisses pressed into his hair. He’d so sworn to himself that he wasn’t going to cry, damn it, he wasn’t a little kid anymore. But in that moment of overwhelming relief, he felt five years old all over again.

“You smell of pipe,” he accused as he sniffled, burying his face into his dad’s shirt anyway, squeezing him so hard it made his old man chuckle.

“It was prescribed this time,” his father replied innocently.

“I’m sure,” Sting nodded, unsure whether he should be convinced.

“So, are we okay, or…?” Weisslogia asked, pulling away to look him in the eyes again.

He considered the question.

Were they okay?

Sting thought about how discouraged he’d felt just a few short minutes ago when he’d thought that everyone he loved was now against him. Now that he realized that wasn’t the case, he felt kind of bad for having so little trust in his dad, and for all the bad thoughts his anger and fear had fed him.

“Yeah, I- uhm, I guess I may have overreacted a little? You know, with the whole packing my bag thing…”

“No, it’s understandable. I can only imagine how scary it must’ve been for you to tell me, and when I should’ve been there to take those fears away, I only made them worse. Definitely not my proudest moment as a parent,” Weisslogia remarked. “But I need you to know that I’m thankful you’ve told me and that you can always ask or tell me anything. I may not have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to be there for you whenever you need me.”

After a brief moment of contemplation, Sting shrugged his shoulders. “Consider yourself forgiven,” he smirked, trying to joke it off, but he quickly dropped the act.

“Thanks, dad. That means a lot to me.”

“It means a lot to me too,” his dad smiled again, giving him another quick hug.

“I should talk to mom, huh?” Sting figured, remembering how he’d shut her out earlier when she’d tried talking to him.

“Only if you want to,” his father assured him, “but I have a feeling she will take it much better than you think,” and knowing his parents too well, Sting guessed that this feeling his dad was speaking of was probably more than just that.

It didn’t matter. Sting took his word for it, which made him a lot less nervous when they went back inside. His suspicions were confirmed when they came down the stairs and were greeted with the smell of something sweet and familiar. His mother would often bake a treat of sorts when he was upset, and it seemed like today was no exception.

“Hey, mom? There’s something I want to tell you,” he called out to her, taking the stairs two steps at a time, feeling more confident knowing that his dad was right behind him.

“Yeah?” she answered once they’d reached the kitchen, and sure enough, there was a plate full of cupcakes waiting for them on the island counter. She was just finishing topping off the last one with white frosting.

“I hope it won’t melt, they’re still a bit warm,” she mumbled to herself before turning her attention to Sting, “but they’re not quite done yet, something is missing…”

She rummaged through one of her cabinets, one that was perhaps even messier than Sting’s room was at the moment. Sting shared a look of wordless astonishment with his dad at how she was even able to find stuff in there, but it didn’t take long for her to return to the plate.

One by one, she decorated the cupcakes with a generous amount of rainbow sprinkles and smiled at the end result.

“That’s so much better,” she winked at Sting, “I think they’re perfect like this, don’t you?”

Sting could feel himself getting emotional again at her words, and he ran around the kitchen island to wrap his mother in a hug. “Thank you,” he managed to get the words out before bursting into tears.

“It’s nothing to cry about silly, this is a happy occasion,” he could hear the smile in her voice and feel the warmth of her body, and it struck him how lucky he was to have her as his mother. He hugged her even tighter, remembering what his father had said about her having almost died before he was born until she gently pushed him away to get a look at his face.

“I know,” he sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, “It’s just been a rough day.”

“Well, why don’t we sit down and have some cupcakes, you can tell me all about it.”

He nodded, already grabbing a cupcake and shoving the whole thing in his mouth before finding his way to one of the stools on the other side of the island. He hoped his mom could help him figure out what to do about Yukino because as relieved as he felt at the moment, he knew there was still an uncomfortable conversation in his future.

His mother waited patiently, watching him eat cupcake after cupcake, for once not even scolding him for his lack of table manners even though he could feel the stickiness of the frosting on his face.

He was getting ready to explain his predicament when the doorbell rang. His mother handed him a napkin with a smile and got up to answer it.

“I’ll get it, it’s probably one of the neighbors or something, I’ll be right back.”

Sting watched his mother walk away from the kitchen towards their foyer, grabbing another cupcake from the tray as he waited for her return.

“You feeling better?” his father asked, and Sting had to laugh when he noticed his father’s face was also covered in frosting.

“Yeah,” he admitted, after handing him a napkin of his own, “I just wish -”

“Yukino!” Sting heard his mother’s cheerful voice and tensed up once again, “You didn’t have to ring the doorbell, sweetie, you know you’re always welcome to come in from the yard!”

The sound of their steps echoed on the tiled floor, and Sting felt the cupcakes he’d already eaten settle in his stomach like a lead weight. Even though his mom was acting as if everything were normal, she had to have noticed that Yukino’s eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were blotchy from crying.

Not that Sting looked any better at the moment.

“Sting, look who’s here!”

His father saved him from responding, “Yukino! It’s been a while, how are you, dear?”

“Just fine, Dr. Eucliffe, thank you,” she attempted to smile, “Is it okay if I borrow Sting for a few minutes?”

Sting could feel the combined weight of both his parent’s glances, but it was his father who answered. “Of course.”

Just as he was getting up from the stool, he felt his father’s hand grab his and squeeze tightly as he mouthed the words Just be yourself at him. He gave a small nod in return and led the way outside through the sliding door.

“Do you wanna...sit here?” he gestured towards the bench swing where they had often whiled away entire afternoons, feeling kind of awkward and unsure what to say.

“Okay,” Yukino’s voice was quiet, and her movements were stiff as she sat down. Sting sat next to her rocking the swing slowly to give his antsy legs something to do.

They sat like this for several moments, neither saying a word, and Sting came to the conclusion that she had come to break off their friendship. The way she had rung the doorbell instead of coming in like she always did, how she wouldn’t even look at him.

It hurt, but he decided to be the bigger person.

“Sting, I-”

“It’s okay-”

Sting stopped talking and gestured to her to continue.

“I, uhm, I wanted to say I was sorry for running off on you like that,” Yukino’s voice quavered, and when she finally looked at him he was shocked to see the sadness clouding her usually sunny features,” You’re probably pretty mad at me, huh?”

“Mad?” Sting’s head jerked in confusion, “No, of course not. I was just scared that you’d hate me and wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“No, of course I want to be friends, the best of friends. I just-” Yukino sighed, “I was embarrassed and a little hurt and confused.”

“It was probably dumb of me to think that-” she began, and once again, Sting could hear the tremble in her voice. It made him feel terrible for making her feel that way, but he also knew he couldn’t have avoided the situation for much longer.

She took a deep breath, but it didn’t seem to help much. “Sorano said I was being silly, that this way I could have you forever and we could talk about boys and go shopping and-”

She wasn’t able to continue, as the tears that she had been trying to contain refused to stay hidden any longer.

Sting tapped her on her shoulder, and when she finally peered at him, he held out his arms in silent invitation. Yukino hesitated for a moment before accepting his embrace.

“You’re not silly, it’s not like you can choose who you like or anything…” Sting talked while letting her cry out her feelings in his arms. He sighed before apologizing, not for who he was, but for how he had inadvertently made her feel. “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Yeah, Sorano said that too,” she sniffled, moving away to begin the interrogation he’d been expecting, “How long have you known?”

Sting averted his eyes and kept them fixed on the flowers in his mother’s garden, “About two years, I guess…”

“Oh. That’s a long time,” Yukino replied, and Sting could hear it, the hurt in her voice, intensifying the guilt he’d already felt over the way he’d handled this.

“You could have told me,” she chided, “I’m your best friend, and I didn’t even have a clue.”

“No, I couldn’t,” Sting snapped, frustrated that she still didn’t seem to get it, “especially not with the way you were acting.”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, immediately regretting his outburst, “that was uncalled for. It’s just… none of this is easy for me. I’ve heard the way people talk at school about this stuff, what was I supposed to do?”

“You don’t need to apologize, you’re right, I was out of line,” she replied, holding his gaze evenly.

“I did want to tell you,” Sting ran his fingers through his hair, thinking of all the times he’d considered the idea, but something always made him hold back, and then she’d developed a crush on him. “But I- I was nervous about how you’d react, and I had no idea how or when to bring it up.”

Yukino nodded before looking down at her hands which were clasped on her lap, “It just all feels so strange, we used to tell each other everything, and I don’t want that to change.”

“Neither do I,” Sting shook his head, “No more secrets?” He held out his hand with only his pinky extended, breathing a sigh of relief when Yukino met it with hers right away.

“No more secrets.”

“So...are we good?” Sting still felt a little unsure until she flashed him one of her smiles. It wasn’t as vibrant as always, but he could glimpse a ghost of her usual smile lurking underneath, and he knew then that they were going to be okay.

“Yeah, we’re good,” she assured him.

“Thank God, I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather spend a lifetime of talking about boys and going shopping with.”

“Good,” Yukino managed a giggle,” cause you seriously need some fashion help.”

“You know what?” Sting examined the clothes he was wearing, wrinkling his nose at how plain they felt. When he was still younger, he hadn’t given a damn about what anyone thought of his fashion choices, and he’d love to get that back after hiding for so long.

“You’re totally right. Half the contents of my closet are already on the floor, I might as well throw some stuff out and get a new wardrobe,” he decided.

Yukino rolled her eyes and teased, “How is that any different from how your room normally looks?”

“Shots fired.”

Yukino laughed as she swatted away Sting’s finger guns. The sliding door opened, and they turned to see his parents bringing out plates of food.

“Everything okay, you two?”

Sting smiled at his parents, “Yeah, everything’s just fine.”

And for the first time that day, he actually believed it.

#fairy tail #ftdadsau #ftlgbtpride2020 #sting eucliffe #ftlgbtales #I Take Pride In What I Am 2020 #prompt: quiet #fics #dads pride 2020

14 notes · View notes

itsclownhours · 4 years

Conversation

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

morgause: customer (derogatory)

arthur: business major (derogatory)

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

morgana: i have no self of steam

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

gwaine: turn down for whom?

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

#puff does things #long post

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lifewithchronicpain-original · 4 years

Text

Long post ahead, but I need to address this so I can move on.

Over ten years ago, I was really into atheism and debating theology on an atheist forum, and became popular as their first female member and eventually rose to moderator then administrator, setting up a lot of rules that they still have up posted in my username. I always find that funny.

I felt like I had met a great group of people with leftist politics and all that. I felt special because I was basically their token female until the forum gained more popularity. And then the owner added a kudos system to rate someone’s popularity and I was given many kudos for being able to argue against religion, mostly Christianity, so well and I even met up with the owner at Dragon*con one year.

Then a thread got into the topic of sexual objectification and this spiraled into an unpleasant discussion about rape culture. The same men I thought who appreciated what I had to say just didn’t listen anymore and I was viewed as being ridiculous. One was so offended he started putting typical MRA jokes in his signature. Also the guy I met decided he was now libertarian and whole heartedly believed regulation caused the 08’ crash. :/ I remember another guy on Facebook from my local atheist group agreeing with those men when I brought it up; and then said “oh come on, I’m an atheist, you know I’m not sexist!”

I was now facing the fact that this group of people I had enjoyed spending my time with online for about two years might praise me now, but when I would tread into territory that could make men face how they treat women, I was shut down and told a woman in a mini skirt is Just like a rich man with a visible wad of $100s in his back pocket. I was quickly understanding for the first time why there aren’t more women and POC in these “new atheist” groups. They thought their lack of religion immunized them because they blamed religion for racism and sexism. Conveniently ignoring they also believe religion was created by men and thus promoting their already established views of women and other races. Funny that.

At the same time (we had a few women on board but they were avoiding that conversation) a woman joined and spoke up. They ripped into her. I had the comfy cushion of my status, she had none. She was given all the negative kudos and when I talked to her privately I found out she was also a survivor.

I was facing so many arguments I knew were wrong but couldn’t fully articulate. That’s when I discovered what rape culture, as well as the Just world theory. That’s when I changed from becoming a feminist in label to a feminist in deeds and thoughts. I learned the responses to their arguments and then I learned I also don’t want to waste another minute on these men. I posted my goodbye explaining their responses have caused a lack of trust I can never get past because they refuse to even see how their so-called reason left the room when they started dealing with sexism.

The only man who defended me was the lone Christian who for some reason liked hanging out there. There was also a trans women there, she was very happy to agree with the men’s victim blaming and I never understood that. But it also taught me you can’t expect to know someone’s full politics just because you happen to agree or disagree on the issue of god, or really on anything.

I learned that belonging to a group of people on the surface doesn’t mean we’re all lock-step in ageeememt over every issue. I learned I can’t trust anyone who treats relationships and sex as something they deserve and not something you enter with mutual respect for boundaries. I’m not denying it hurts to be rejected and people can be rejected on prejudicial biases, but it’s still a situation that requires mutual consent and you can’t force that on people by calling them bigots. Shaming a woman into having sex with you because otherwise you’ll call her out, is essentially forced consent which is rape. I can’t say it plainer than that.

My consistent insistence that a woman’s boundaries are to be respected, that our sex lives are not political statements to be commented on, and that lesbians owe no one anything has ruffled a lot of feathers.’A lot of people don’t like that. I have seen this from MRA’s to variois online factions of bisexual and trans people (And to be very clear, not all, I don’t like painting a group with one brush) acting like lesbians not sleeping with them is an act of cruelty, a prejudice that must be corrected. In other words, “how dare you not let me get off this is a violation of my civil rights! Lesbians must be so privileged for dating other lesbians!” It’s really fucked up and everywhere on this site. And no, trying to dress it up in woke language like “you should really examine why you don’t like penises” isn’t better. Rather it betrays an obsession with getting penises into lesbians. Not all trans women have one, but that’s too pesky a detail when you’re obsessed with getting dick into a lesbian. And trust me as a lesbian, this is an obsession many people have.

I am seeing the same things that played out before playing out time and again in online spaces, where there’s little cost to being an asshole. People decided an issue is pivotal to their identity or whatever, and do everything they can to “other” people who don’t agree. They use their online social capital to try to shame people. They knowingly post call outs to attack decent people they just don’t agree with. If they can’t chase someone off the platform they’ll make it hell for that person if as much as they can. And they will resort to nasty sexist slurs because to these people nothing is worse than woman with a mind of her own. I’m no longer 25, I don’t seek the approval I used to, I can deal with online anxieties by not engaging. I know to block people and turn off anon. It hurts to be targeted for sure, but ten years later people trying to slander me online is more like water to a duck. But I’m not everyone and ten years ago this kind of online drama could be a suicide inducing event. But they don’t care.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret, the majority of political disagreements are not worth burning down the house and destroying every relationship over. Not only will you have no true friends, you will never challenge your beliefs, your beliefs will stagnate and you will never grow, never learn.

People might read this and assume that because I don’t think sex with a lesbian is a civil right that I must hate trans women. I don’t, that’s not who I am. I know what it’s like to question my gender, I suffer from mild disphoria. I can’t imagine what severe dysphoria is like and I don’t presume to assume what is right for everyone suffering from this. It is terrible, and no one deserves to be treated like shit for it. But that also doesn’t give some people (I emphasize, this is not every trans person’s doing) the right to attack women for talking about sexism, their vagina, pregnancy, or being a lesbian. I couldn’t give a rats ass if a lesbian and trans women get together, I have no right to judge or police that, but it’s okay to police lesbians? That’s fucked up, and let’s not pretend the same standard is applied to gay men, because it 100% is not.

Everyone, no matter the gender, is susceptible to sexism. Calling that out is not me saying I hate trans women, or I want to fight against trans advocacy or anything like that. I just want to talk about sexism and how it affects me as a female lesbian woman. No matter how hard you try, you can’t ID your way out of sexism, just like I, as a white person, cannot ID myself out of the racial bias I was taught from birth. These things are no different to me and has no bearing on me respecting pronouns and promoting issues of trans disability on this blog.

This one issue has painted me as a TERF, when my radical feminism (which I’ve never 100% agree with, one example is bathrooms, just let people pee! When people start monitoring bathrooms I get questioned because I’m GNC) has never been about misgendering and denying the painful realities of dysphoria. I believe and trust we can better understand transmisogyny when we better understand traditional misogyny. If one gender wasn’t so overwhelmingly oppressed I can’t imagine people would have such a knee jerk hateful reaction to trans people. I might think male socialization is a thing, but unlike other people, I don’t attack trans women for our disagreement on this one point. I’ll never make a call out post because I couldn’t make a trans women say what I wanted. I will never ever call anyone a slur either, while I’ve been called a bitch and cunt.

This blog is about disability. All I care about is promoting disability justice, information, and social support. I will always be open to discussing disability as it effects any minority group: POC, female, poor, trans, gay, etc... I’m more than happy to reblog posts regarding trans disability especially with regards to HRT or surgery can effect that. This blog will never be about attacking people and trying to tear them down. I might disagree with people but I won’t try smear someone’s reputation because of it. In recent years I have striven to disagree with people without resorting to insults and assumptions. I’m not perfect but I try.

I have talked before how there are zealous aspects to all groups. You won’t have me denying that radfems can be just as nasty. I condemn any radfem who has treated anyone the way I’m being treated right now. I personally don’t believe that because one trans women did something wrong that it’s okay to misgender all trans women. I am not like that. I’m not so bitter and hateful that I can’t separate one group of assholes from a minority group.

I’ve always been about being the better person, not for the people you hate but for yourself. Holding on to all this hate and negativity, attacking women for daring to state their mind, encouraging people to attack that person, that must be aweful. I can’t, and I won’t be like that. My own mental health couldn’t take it when I did participate in some of these behaviors on my early tumblr experience. Then I realized it was tearing me apart, and that the person on the other end is a human too. I don’t have to like them, but I can respect they have feelings and a world view that wasn’t built just to attack me.

Whether or not you agree with me on a lesbian’s right to bodily autonomy, does that really warrant a response meant to tear a disabled woman down? Are the only people entitled to their own opinions the ones that agree with you?

This matter truly is about sexism whether you believe it or not. I do not actively discuss trans issues on any of my blog. I was targeted for guilt by association (because I can’t follow people I don’t 100% agree with I guess) on main and when asked I said I got nothing against trans women I do have problems with rhetoric that treats sex with a lesbian as a civil right. I was then called out. That is exactly what happened and why I had to shut down questioning and take a break.

This post is to let you all know, I’m back, I’m okay, and this blog will continue with its mission to support disabled people. If you think a disabled women like me who only ever wants to help others, deserves this, then please unfollow. I don’t care how many people follow, I care that the people who do, want to follow me. If you’re a trans woman uncertain if you can bring an issue to me, of course you can. I’m not here to judge anyone, I’m here to give whatever disability advice and support that I can.

So yeah if you can’t understand that disagreements don’t warrant tearing down a person, especially someone who is disabled and has mentioned suicide attempts, then I can’t help you and the unfollow button is right there. If you do or don’t agree with me but think it was fucked up to get called out for, welcome. This blog will return to disability issues and this is the last I’ll be addressing this issue. I’m just going to delete and block people who think calling a disabled woman a cunt is top notch activism. You will not ruin what I’ve built here. You will not cower me. This bitch has been through too much to let anonymous trolls take me down.

Much love to all those who have supported me, it has meant a lot. 💕

#rape culture #call out culture #sexism #feminism #long post

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