Greetings people, it’s been literally an entire year since I posted here but ignore that. Here’s my present for this years @valensemblestars Valentines exchange, which is for @zenyuumi who requested kohiiai shenanigans! I decided to go with the social media idea because I thought it would be the most fun, so I hope you enjoy it :)
Here’s the digitalised version
And here’s the sketch I did as a base for it
I’m aware the prompt was specifically wanting to show the fans’ reaction but I hope you’re fine with it as is anyway because I tried my best! Also, MAJOR apologies about this being so late, I really need to stop underestimating how much time things take me in comparison to a normal speed artist. It took two hours just to outline it, and that was BEFORE I decided I wanted it to be colour coordinated. I definitely spent at least a whole days worth of hours on this and it’s significantly less than what most people would’ve done in that same time, but we got there eventually and that’s what matters! Yippee!
(P.s once again quick note for the organisers, hello it’s Shipsarebeautiful on my sideblog, do not be alarmed)
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WARNING FOR LONG POST THAT WON'T GO UNDER A BREAK. FLICK IT UP OR SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ A MESSY FUCKING RANT ABOUT FANDOM BEHAVIOUR, ABUSE, TRANSPHOBIA, ANTI RADICAL FEMINISM AND MORE SHIT. THIS IS NOT COHERENT.
I have two hangster fanfics started but I don't feel like finishing them especially because I just keep writing and writing and making them longer and longer and like if I ever finish either of them I won't even leave the comments open if i post them and I probably would post but yeah the last piece of shit i wrote was met with nothing but insults and animosity so im like still very angry about that. like the least horrible of the THREE assholes who decided that insulting me was something they had the right to do instead of just saying 'your tags are wrong, fix them' tried to go on about oh you leave comments open so you're open to criticism uwu and girl criticism is basically tearing someone to shreds so if i don't want your damn critiques what makes you think that I want to be insulted? where did i say that i had a degradation kink? so yeah, i have a very bad impression of this fanbase. it seems very clique-y to me and it's funny because it's a minuscule fanbase no matter what this user tried to say I'm not stupid and making a single fanfic a series to crank up the number of fics isn't as sleek as yall think it is. like you can do it i'm not judging but don't tell me 'um akshully this is a super popular shipppp' like yeah within a fandom with maybe 1000 active users maybe lol and I'm just in a I want to fucking speak up about EVERYTHING mood and I'm tired of always being shut down, lectured, insulted, and treated like shit and expected to just be 'the bigger person' motherfucker no. i am 166cm tall that's 5'6'' or some shit I don't know american, that's not very big is my point so i won't be the bigger person and ignore and delete and blah blah. WRITING IS MY HOBBY AND WHEN YOU COME FOR IT, FOR THE THING THAT HAS KEPT ME MILDLY SANE SINCE I WAS FUCKING 7, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. no, i don't care that i write like shit. it's free. i do it for free because i like to do it. it's the only way i can express myself and even there i get shut down and mocked because im mediocre in everything i fucking do, thanks for the reminder, it's not like my abuser didn't remind me of that for well over 20 years lol /sarcasm/ if you don't like someone's shitty writing, you have the option to click the fuck back and not being a massive piece of entitled shit. i don't know what's wrong with this fanbase honestly i have gotten hate before but never this fast and never to this scale on a stupid fucking fanfic that was very fucking clear for anyone who had taken the time to read it before telling an abuse survivor what abuse is and absolutely getting it fucking wrong lol i am proficient in 7 languages, and my preferred writing style is simple because i understand the value of being understood for more than one reason.
why do people think it's acceptable to be cunts to strangers online? if you wouldn't say the shit you say to people online to people in real life, THEN DON'T FUCKING SAY IT. and yes, i would say all of this here in real life and that is why I am typing it down. i'm literally a chronically depressed dysphoric motherfucker with generalised anxiety, cptsd and semi-functional autism, you think i wouldn't lash the fuck out in real life? you're wrong. i'm actually much worse in real life. i'm the sweetest fucking pie if you respect me but if you treat me like shit expect to get the dressing down of your fucking life or punched in the nose because sometimes i become non-verbal when angry and that's bad because i am reactive to abuse. and online that translates to not shutting up, in real life it translates to violence. but the thing is that in real life people are aware of dos and don'ts. online people just become their fucking regina george wet dream of a school bully.
and i've had fucking enough of being treated like shit. i've had enough of people thinking that being a cunt is cool or edgy. i've had fucking enough of the yes queen slay culture that sees women displaying disgusting, abusive behaviour and applauds it as something good. because 'socking it to the men'. i hate radical feminists for this reason and it's funny that their fascist ideology is spreading like a disease and nobody seems to notice, especially because the pipeline from radical feminist to trans exclusionary radical feminist is an archway not a pipeline. before you know it, you'll see trans masculine people and trans men as 'traitors' and 'wanting male privilege' and 'still women deep down' and 'still has a vagina so she's a woman'. and i'm not pulling this out of my ass, i watched this happening in real time more than once. god i'm so fucking angry i'm just vomiting all the shit that's been pissing me off for months. and i'm talking about this because this shit is so prevalent and commonplace that i, who have been sure that I want to go through with fully transitioning, have been reconsidering because of the insidious hateful comments from terfs/radfems and casual sympathisers with the ideology of those people and the dysphoria i've been feeling has been making me want to wear an actual literal mask outside and carry a fucking fake sword in a scabbard so that nobody will approach me. i have isolation tendencies that are very strong and have been with me since i can remember and i can remember as far back as 4 years old. and then i have to see these fuckers try to find 'articles' to support their hatred and bigotry when they are the literal reason why we fucking kill ourselves and just put up with feeling miserable and don't transition. i don't want to be even more ostracised and treated like shit. i don't want to be even more treated like i'm holding an unpinned grenade just because i don't want to put up with people who insult me and make me feel bad and react to that and fight back. i don't have self-esteem, i fucking hate myself, i feel like ripping my body to shreds every damn day and then i have to work from home the shitty jobs i can do that barely pay for my meds and definitely don't pay for therapy because being around people and too much stimuli makes me shutdown like to the point where i can't speak. So you see the issue maybe idfk that I come online to unwind and write shit as a hobby and mind my damn business and take the time to say look I have these issues and people see that list as 'oh look an easy target for my being a cunt wet dreams because this one will react and I'll seem like a saint! UWU'
and why did this have to involve this ship from top gun? well, because i liked the ship, i wanted to write for it, because writing is my hobby, and what i got was abuse lol and then gaslit into thinking it wasn't abuse and that i had to accept being called names lol 'oh there are no victims uwu i will concede that insulting you was not very nice uwu' but i didn't get a single fucking apology i had to apologise because i was triggered since i couldn't actually do anything and im always ALWAYS on my own even if i cry for help, it never comes, no matter what's fucking happening. even friends just say oh well i didn't see that so oopsie daisy sorry you felt bad and nobody defended you as as been the norm your entire life' like i'm just fucking TIRED. i'm tired of never being good enough. im tired of my friends never having my back. i'm tired of only being told oh actually you weren't wrong when it's already over and i'm already feeling like shit mentally and can't cope with the ruminating feelings of being perpetually misunderstood, mediocre, and alone. 'oh having to stand up for yourself makes you stronger uwu' fuck you a million fucking times. no it doesn't. it makes you paranoid, it makes you isolate, it makes it hard for you to maintain friendships, it makes you a loner, it makes you depressed because you're not supposed to be alone because humans are social animals. and i guess that's the bottom line lol i feel utterly and completely fucking alone. the only person i regularly see and talk to is my brother who also has cptsd and is autistic like me lol obviously we grew up in the same shitty environment and these things tend to be hereditary so yeah i have to mask even with him because he's almost 11 years younger than me and is going through that early 20s phase of your life where you're just lost and don't know what you want and feel bad and as the older sibling i feel that it's my duty to try and pretend not to feel as bad as i do but it's getting harder and harder and im not putting this under a read more break. happy fucking mental health awareness day. enjoy your nothingburger posters and yellow pins of performativity.
rant over.
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Friends, mutuals, and other beloved followers:
It has come to my attention that I’m absolutely fucking obsessed with MCR, and I am not being normal about this, and I also don’t care
I have spent the past half an hour scrolling through pictures of mcrnashville and losing my shit, to the tune of rolling around on the floor, strangling a tea towel in a vice grip, and running full out down the hallway and leaping, gazelle-like, over the cat.
I am absolutely consumed by this, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be watching this tour like a hawk and obsessing over every detail for the next two months. Someone I follow is going to the Cincinnati show and I’m hanging on their every word.
Help?
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how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)
there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~
I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:
url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant
url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first
url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order
url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes
url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now
url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc
url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly
url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant)
the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog!
caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks.
if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else
if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims)
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