#they were bargains tg!

[sleepy-fiction]

Gold Ring.

-sebastian solace x reader

2k words

syn: he was a married man, yet he forgets when he's with you.

tgs: fluff, sfw (read a/n), sappy, feel-good, comfort, genderless reader

A/N: guys NO hate to Zerum at all. I just liked the idea of sebastian having a wife but learning true love and self worth from you. This fic is fluff sfw, but there are very mild dirty descriptions used sometimes. MDNI

Predator eyes loom through the darkened abyss. Sweaty, slobbering, hungry for a quench. He can't fight it. He knew you before you met him. He's seen the way you huddle to yourself, the way you persisted in this hell, the way you crawl to him whenever you're scared. How you count down the floors until you can rest-- on him.

He was the first once to make a move.

You bargained to sleep in his little room, yet you laid rest so far away from him. He didn't understand the flithy, possessiveness that growled in his hungry belly. It sent a pissed shiver from the tops of his head that rattled down to his tail.

He remembers the flinch you made at the sight.

He knows that he shouldn't, but fuck he wanted you closer then. No, he wants you closer, all the time.

He never knew romance until he pulled you over to him, the way he wrapped his tail around you like a snake. The way he blew it off with his typical banter, but God help him, the way he remembers your sleeping form carrying a smile throughout your dreams. Content- about him.

Times with his wife were never like this. He didn't know he was capable of feeling such intense desire. He's kissed, held, and he's lpved on and received. It remembers how the saying goes. If you love them, then you'd let him go. He went without a fuss here, content with the idea of his wife enjoying their freedom. But God knows, the idea of you, some inmate who waltzed into his life, leaving? No, it couldn't happen.

It was the pining that eventually sold his fate.

The yearning.

He'd find rocks the colors of your eyes to collect, most likely debris scattered from all the grubby inmates swarming the place just so he could keep something of yours nearby. Whenever he heard the echoing sounds of footsteps, the crawling through his vents, he perfectly memorized your sound yet still found his heart beating in hope even when he knew it couldn't be you.

He had grown overly accustomed to your dynamic. How you acted in playful defiance but respected him and his boundaries so much. He's never met an expendable quite like you, one not pushy- touchy- or downright evil. Even in a group setting, as you sometimes venture into a teams. You're always batting those pretty little eyes at him, saying thank you and apologizing on their behalf.

You're overly aware of him. Scanning his face, always checking for his contentment.

It was cute. You were discreet like a mouse.

For some reason, you had some staring problem. Always gazing with those eyes. So full of admiration for the brutish monster he had become. Those glances certainly didn't help him. You had to be some freak to like someone like him the way he is now. What about him could ever be attractive?

Don't think he doesn't notice the way you fidget in embarrassment whenever he tucks his hair behind his ears.

You get all shy when he gets close. You get shy whenever he escalates your banter- albeit painfully teasing you- but still-- it affects you.

He affects you.

That's a sensation that makes him question his self worth, and your character.

If someone as good as you finds him lovely. Then is he really? Could he really be...

His three blue hands.

Could they ever be loveable again?

It's that question that finally makes all the symptoms that has been building over the months of you being here finally click.

God he's.

He's falling in love with you.

He swallows thick, unable to read the document before his eyes.

Ba-dum, Ba-dum, Ba-dum

His heart races in his chest, his snaggle teeth gnawing against his lip, his eyes shutting impossibly shut. His hands fidget together, and the feeling of cold metal against (what used to be) his ring finger, and guilt swells in his belly.

He's in love with you. When all this time he was working hard to return to her.

He's in love with you. He heart yearns to leave with you and Painter.

He's in love with you. He doesn't feel the same about his wife. His identity is crumbling before his very soul, and it's terrifying.

His only anchor had been his wife the entire time.

His grip goes vice over his wedding ring. A ringing hiss, and a weeping cry flees his meekly throat.

He had a decent life. A woman who loved him.

But if this feeling he's feeling right now for you is love, then...

He shakes his head, his left hand slapping over his mouth, his right still coddling the ring on his smaller hand.

He can't.

He can't think that way.

In no magical universe will he ever get to have you. You'll leave here, he can see it now. It reflects in your eyes, it's this during gleam that no other expendable has.

He'll be left here to rot.

He needs to accept that and not get--

"Sebastian?"

His blood runs cold, his body jolting upright with a fury.

Fuck. He didn't even hear you enter.

A flashlight clicks, shinning at his belly.

He sees you.

You, who always calls his name so softly. So tenderly, full of respect and admiration. You who makes him feel like a person again. You who remembers things about him, you who points lights at his belly because you remember what hurts him.

He can't stop the tear that rolls out.

"Oh no," your voice dips heartbreaking soft as you set the flashlight down, "What's wrong, Sebastian?" You approach him slowly pausing in front of him with your palms up, asking with your body, with your eyes if you could touch him.

He laughs at you. The sound croaks in bittersweetness.

He leans down to your hands, resting his face in your palms. You're so warm, it makes his heart flutter. "It looks you've caught me at a bad time," he says sing-songly.

Your eyes are full of understanding, the way you smile. "Seems so," you say, brimming to see he was okay. You're giving him space, he hates how he begins to yearn.

He can't help it when you're like this.

Sebastian strains.

"Everyone needs to cry sometimes, especially in this place. I cry, too. A lot." You whisper.

But you're still smiling.

God.

He hates you.

He giggles. The sound is so out of character, so school-girlishly giddy. "Fuck," he grimaces as he burries his cheeks into your palm. He knows he cannot physically blush anymore, but he still feels the shame.

He's turning soft.

Soft for such an airhead.

He swallows nervously, looking up to peer into your eyes. You're admiring him again. Your shifty pupils drag up and down his features again and again and again like a broken record. Holding your lips agape, and sucking in swallow breathes, as if the faintest movement from every breathing too intensely would disrupt the view.

He can't take it.

His hands shoot out for you, one on your hip, the other around your waist, the final caressing your back. You squeak as he pulls you completely into him, your feet rising from the floor. You rest your head dazily on his shoulder, as he slithers onto the dark, farther away from your abandoned light.

When you finally stopped moving, you could feel a wall behind Sebastian, as you straddled a leg on each side of his tail, your knees against the floor.

"Sebastian? I can't see you," you whine.

"You don't need to look at me..." He hushes.

Your hands find his cheeks, they're all warmed up from you.

"I need to," you lean in closer, rubbing your nose against his nostril slits. His breath shudders.

"Pull it," He whispers.

You already know as you reach and pull his antenna. A dim warm light illuminates his face, and you smile contently.

Your hands parade through his hair, tucking the strands of his hair back away from his face on both sides; the way you've seen him do many times before.

You've forced him to admit it now.

He's something worth gawking at.

Even like this.

Embarrassment is a surprisingly delicious taste for his belly.

You slide back in his arms, as his hands lean back and fall to his side. All except for his right, which cups a healthy amount of your hip to keep you steady on his tail.

Now it's his turn to admire you.

"Hmm, pretty thing," He mumbles. His smaller hand reaches up your body, his gold ring flashing in the eyes of both of you.

He tenses.

You notice. Your hands rest on his shoulders as you lean in closer to him.

"Sebastian." You blink, empathy driving your veins.

He already knows.

"I used to have a wife. Long before... This happened to me," He whispers it to the air.

Now it's your turn to feel a deep pang in your heart. You know you shouldn't say it, but the words burst out, "Did you love her?"

You watch as a strained smile pulls at him, "N-Not... Not as much as..." He swallows abruptly, "yuh... Y-You."

It all clicks for you.

He's sad over guilt?

You giggle-- and it's almost as painfully giddy as the one he let out before. But it's not enough as thr giggle turns into a laugh. The sound is bright and refreshing to his ears, like rays of forlorn sunshine kissing him. He can't help the way his ears twitch in pure glee.

He'll drink up this sound forever.

"Little cheater," you giggle into his skin as you kiss his cheeks.

He's deeply affected by this! It's not funny!

"Hey." He can't seem to reprimand you, though. "Bastard," He hushes.

You break away finally. And before you could lean in to plant more kisses, his free hands are on you again. Trailing up your body, up your chest (with him seeming to slow down a bit for that part), then to your shoulders, to roll down to your lovely hands. Lovely hands that he moves to place on his meaty chest.

"Come here," he finally commands, and it's like your knees go weak. The two of you meet in the middle, your lips melting into one another like starved animals. The way you nip and howl in between fervent friction-- friction unknown tp you both since entering this hell hole.

His kisses are filled with longing, desire, full of shivers, full of breathy moans. Sensations that send waves of shivers down to the tips of his tail.

You pull apart to suck on his bottom lip, and with a grunt, Sebastian's mouth cracks open obediently. His large tongue rolls out of his mouth and deep into yours. It's stuffiness enough to make you choke if he wasn't so careful- and if the feeling wasn't so erotic.

Your little alien.

You caress his face all over, your fingertips finding his twitching ears. You pull apart with a hearty smack of the lips, a thin trail of saliva rolling out from you from his large tongue. He picks it up before it could fall to your chin, a satisfied hum from him.

You kiss his round jaw, thumbs caressing circles into his under eyes.

"I love you," Sebastian kisses it into your skin.

"I love you too," you sigh wholeheartedly. You lean in and kiss his tiny third eye, and he hums sing-songly.

Your arms slide around his neck, burying your face into the crook of his jaw, relaxing your body deep into him with a sigh.

You two were so peaceful. You barely noticed the sagging lethal drowsiness in your veins. You haven't slept in... Haven't slept in....

Snorrreeeee...

Sebastian laughs at you. You fell right asleep, just like that? His tail wraps around you like a snake, as his kisses make themselves known to your forehead.

"Goodnight, expendable..." He snickers.

And the gold ring slips from his finger.

To have a future with the benefit of you being there, it's more than just a dream come true.

You accepted him.

He can accept himself, too.

[witheredoffherwitch]

If you had the chance to change something about the dance of the dragons (TV show or book), what would it be? For example, how a character dies, which team a house is on,or an entire character personally. How would you change it to make the story better, in your opinion?♥️🖤💙💚

Hi nonnie 🤗

I've seen this question answered by a few of my moots, but I tried my best to avoid reading their answers 🙈 Overall, I prefer the show adaptation over what we got from F&B. I know this may not be a popular opinion on this platform, but I believe the characters are much more developed in HoTD. However, that doesn't mean the show is perfect. In fact, there are some BIG inconsistencies and ridiculous dialogues that take away from the seriousness of the story. While reading F&B, I couldn't give two shits about any of the Targaryens (whether they were on Team Black or Team Green). The only ones who slightly intrigued me were the side characters like Alys, Nettles, Addam Velaryon, or even Mysaria. Surprisingly, I actually thought the aftermath of the Dance was a positive thing since it meant the end of dragons and an opportunity for equal footing in Westeros. If I had to choose a favourite Targaryen from the Dance era in the books, I would have probably picked Rhaenys. Now it's quite funny because after watching season 1, I can't stand her character anymore 😭

BUT the show has me fully invested in characters like Alicent, Aemond, Aegon and Rhaenyra. Although I still don't have a strong team bias, I am still heavily invested in TG characters more than any of the TB ones. Out of the TB characters, only Rhaenyra keeps me intrigued while I have a strong desire to learn more about Jace and the twins.

Now if I had to make one change in the show, it would be Corlys' character. In the books, Corlys Velaryon read like a larger-than-life figure who is just as competent and dangerous as he is prideful. But in the show, he comes across as such a loser. My man is basically a glorified cuckold at this point in the story. His blind loyalty to Rhaenyra becomes nonsensical when considering how much his family suffers at her expense. If it's his granddaughters forcing his allegiance, then at least let him play a stronger role or have some kind of bargaining power instead of blindly following Rhaenyra like a pathetic loser. Knowing how his story unfolds in the books, it's unlikely that he will be remembered as a strategic mastermind or even a winner considering how many L’s he takes throughout his journey.

I'm not too bothered by the rest of the story, as my loyalty lies not with any specific team or group, but with the characters who all meet a painful end. I find satisfaction in the pyrrhic victory (if you can even call it that) of Dance's conclusion. I have made a post before, in case you are interested in checking it out. The continuation of Aegon III's storyline after Aegon II’s death adds an interesting dynamic as the victors must now recognise their own queen's usurper as the rightful claimant to the throne. The dance ultimately destroyed House Targaryen and set them on a path of decline. It was a lose-lose situation for all of the inbred blondes who had long boasted about their supposed superiority as descendants of Valyria - but it also spelt victory for the other lords who could now breathe easier without the looming threat of formidable dragons.

[lemonhemlock]

happy hump day, it’s almost friday!!

imma need some people to stop acting like tg characters have hurt alicent more than tb.

there’s this weird thing where some people try to “excuse” alicent’s “wrongs”—which is something the writers did themselves with the prophecy instead of exploring aegon’s political claim + the danger alicent’s kids are in imo (im still annoyed with this choice, women are allowed to be angry, why can’t alicent be angry about her abuse and her abusers 😭 the prophecy doesn’t even make sense in this series)—by making it seem like she’s being held hostage or pushed around by her children and father (and any bond she may have with them is conditional—her father sees her solely as a pawn, criston is only there because he doesn’t like rhayenra, alicent is secretly disgusted by her children and would be relieved if she can leave their side as long as she can ensure safety) , and if it were up to her she’d happily side with the same people who ruined her life.

at the end of the day, the only people who stood by alicent’s side and tried to protect her and her family were tg—criston, her kids, even her dad. rhaenyra and co threw her 10 year old under the bus, gaslit and played her in front the entire court, accused her of poisoning/taking advantage of viserys’s illness to take control of the court etc.

like, i’m sorry but if i wanted to watch a woman drag herself because she’s opposing someone who arguably has hurt her more than any tg character (larys has them beat but still), I’d watch a novela. the amount of abuse they put a female protagonist through in order to create drama and extend the series for 100+ episodes only to end it with her happily running into the arms of the same man who publicly humiliated her, cheated on her, used her etc is lowkey the vibe I get from some rhaencient stans nglngl.

(It’s hard out here being a proshipper rhaencient enjoyer…not anymore tho!!)

in my country for chronically online millennials wednesday is frog meme day so here's me keeping my side of the bargain:

i agree overall abt alicent being angrier. she should have been more focused on crowning aegon than she was on rhaenyra. she should have been aware of the plot and on board with it. that could have been done without sacrificing her compassion or her nostalgic, residual feelings of friendship and love towards rhaenyra. ultimately this is what happens when you have different writers for each episode and no one gives them clear indications re: where the character is at & corrects the scripts for OOC behaviour. everyone has their different take on a character's journey, but at the end of the day there should be someone with a red pen in hand making sure the development is linear. that's why alicent is bitchy is one episode, then appeasing in the next

loved the comparison with the telenovelas 😅

as an aside, i've had a few anon conversations in my aegon's prophecy tag if anyone's interested

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Orb

Anonymous:

Vriska, by the way? Is that like, the real Vriska?

BB: Yeah.

MM: Are you guys like, friends with her or something?

BA:

CC: What the hell is your problem?

MM:

TG: What the hell is your problem?

CC: Why would you even say a thing like that?

MM: Why not?

CL:

LL:

FB: Everyone settle down. We're getting off track here.

BA: Vriska is actually a really interesting case, I think. She's about the closest thing the fandom has to an anticharacter.

BA: Not in the sense that she's just "a nice person," not in the sense that she's my "favorite" or something.

BA: She's an anticharacter in the "hostile to the story" sense of the term.

FC:

AA: Are you going to elaborate, or what?

BA: Hostile to the story, I'm saying. The way her character has been used. The way she has been wrenched from her initial function in the story (revealed in Act 5, in the Scratch) and returned to her original function, in A5A2.

BA: The "Scratch meta" plotline is, at its core, about how nothing ever works out. How power fantasies get spun and dashed. How authors will write a story that seems amazing, at first, but then you realize they can't keep it going, and eventually they break it off.

TG: Like with Jasprosesprite^2, you mean?

BA: Yes, and, with Vriska. You can't make a hero out of her. You can't have her save the day. The only thing that can happen, when she's unleashed, when you give her power, is that she ends up ruining the story.

BB: That's the story, isn't it?

BA: And that's how it is with fandom: the fans, like Vriska, wanting to change things, wanting to put them back the way they were. I could point to individual stories I've written, where I've tried, in a tongue-in-cheek way, to force the narrative to do the kind of things Vriska is about to do.

BA: But that isn't even really the point. Vriska is about the larger trend, I think. Because, just like Vriska, she keeps barging in and trying to change things, and then . . . then they never get changed.

FB: But it's different in fanfiction.

AA: Magnus was full of stuff like that. Things that "couldn't happen," but . . .

FC: And we liked it, or we wouldn't have been reading it, right?

MM: That's kind of what I was saying. That the whole point of "Scratch meta" is this . . . annoyance with the way things don't turn out. With the way that all the author's strengths end up being things that seem like weaknesses, from the outside, and vice versa.

TT: But that's a hypocritical bargain, no? We wouldn't be reading it, if we didn't like it, and if we did like it, why are we complaining? Why don't we just write it ourselves?

FC: Closer to the original meaning of "Scratch meta," these days. It used to be about stuff like, "can time travel really work?" And so on. We've moved on from that. Now it's about . . . taking the limits of power, and trying to beyond them.

WM: So you see, there's this . . . tension.

BA: A tension between, you know, my new, possibly pretentious, way of looking at things. And old ways.

BA: And what I mean is, there's old ways and then there's old ways. Because there are old ways which I don't like.

BA: And there's one way I hate in particular, the way I'm calling old ways. The way I'm talking about now, which is, like, this popularity.

BA: And, at least in the fanfics I've been reading, there's this weird split.

AA: Uh, split?

BA: Sure, sure. Look, the popularity contest. That's . . . not life.

AA: Is that what you're saying?

BA: But that's exactly what we're doing. The vast majority of fanfics are scrabbling around for popularity like it's the oxygen we're all gasping for. You're all doing it.

BF: Well, maybe not all of us, but . . . yeah, we have to concede that, just going from the number of popular fics.

BA: And why do we do it? What do we gain from this popularity? We are all playing a little game that we made up ourselves. And we get high points for making up our own private rules, and then we get to bask in the glory of those high points, and I can't say that the other popular fics are the anti-Vriskaes of Homestuck, or whatever, but I can say that the most popular fics tend to be the ones where the audience can most clearly picture the characters "as they should be, according to our fanon."

AA: So? Who cares? Fiction is for our enjoyment. Do we have to like a story, to create a story?

MM: I've said before, the hardest trick with A6 isn't that it's not the same as A1-5. It's going to be different, and that's just fine. The hardest trick is that it has to be what everyone wants to read.

CC: Nobody has to read A6.

MM: Of course. But if you're me, and you live on fanfics, then you have to read it, at least a bit. Or else you don't know what people want. And then you can't write anything anyone will want to read.

TF: Or, if you're me, you try to make fanfics that seem like an old friend, something that will just go on forever, and readers will just come to it, and like it, and leave, and come back. And the readers will be, you know, just people who want to read, and all the popularity scores will just be, like, people reading more, and then liking it and going on, and less reading, and liking it. And that's good, because . . . well, I guess that's all I have to say.

BC: But you can't do that if you don't have a job, right? A full-time job? Or a college scholarship? I mean, you're here, with the rest of us, Arquiusprite, but some of us actually, you know, earn enough money to be able to just . . . spend all day on Homestuck fanfics. That's how I'm able to write

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde

Act 5, page 3876-3880

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: heres one for you

TG: its a whopper

TG: are you ready

TT: For what?

TG: this huge fuckin whopper im about to just say

TT: You mean a canard of behemothic embellishment?

TG: what

TT: Or was your resolve finally dismantled by the siren's song of all that flame broiled beef?

TG: no no

TG: ok first do you even have burger kings out in the fucking woods

TG: why do you reference things that obviously arent in the woods like terrible burgers

TT: I'll limit my establishments of reference to lumber mills and sugar shanties from now on.

TT: Also, there's a Burger King less than forty minutes from my house. I won't let this stand in the way of the new policy though.

TG: there is

TG: ok whatever

TG: im talking about a dream i just had

TG: i mean it was a doozy like psychologically speaking

TG: doozy is a slightly dumber word than whopper

TT: Certainly less delicious.

TG: it was absurdly heavy handed my subconscious was really slathering it on

TG: like whatever tangy sludge the king himself squirts on his bargain patties

TG: its possible that i dreamt it ironically i dunno

TG: i figured youd be interested in hearing about it its every bit as thick and juicy as a half pound of sizzling grade A premium ok this is stupid weve got to get burgers out of this conversation

TG: are you busy

TT: Yes.

TG: cool listen to this

TT: I thought you didn't want me to analyze your dreams anymore.

TG: no but this one is too good not to put under the microscope with your whole precocious psychotherapy shtick its almost laughably symbolic of all my mental problems assuming i actually have those

TG: its grotesquely pregnant with meaning

TG: all gestating at least 8 gooey octuplets thrashing around in an undulating belly full of mind slime

TT: Maybe we can start by evaluating that troubling metaphor.

TG: no look

TG: i just want your professional take on how many things in my dream symbolize dicks

TT: We've already established that all of your dreams are packed with enough homoerotic symbolism to lift Freudian theory from the ashes of discreditation.

TG: yeah thats a given but i didnt even dream about puppets this time

TT: Are you serious?

TT: I'm clearing my schedule. This is a major breakthrough.

TG: i know

TG: it was so much more relaxing and enjoyable

TG: it was about me dying repeatedly

TT: Go on.

TG: i was in this dark place surrounded by this big flock of crows

TG: god this is so generically morbid

TG: im sorry in advance for exposing you to my unconscious minds retarded cliches

TT: It's ok.

TT: They wouldn't be cliches if they didn't comprise the unanimously understood bedrock of phallic symbolism, with no other viable interpretation.

TG: well obviously i knew the birds were just black screaming sky dongs just hear me out

TG: i kept dying

TG: there kept being these traps like i would go one way and get my head chopped off

TG: or go another way and get stabbed or whatever

TG: and every time i died the dream reset itself and i was standing there alive and ready to try to escape again

TG: but each time i would be watching myself from the vantage point of a different crow

TG: like i was the crow all squawking around in circles like a macabre flapping douche

TG: and i would always watch myself try to do something different to dodge the trap but i always ended up dead

TT: Hm.

TT: Well, if I've learned anything from my extensive skimming over the Wikipedia articles on dream analysis,

TT: It's that this dream is very unlikely to have any literal significance whatsoever.

TT: It's probably not about dying at all.

TG: you mean maybe its about anxiety over maintaining my blogs

TG: or that my beats might not be ill enough

TT: Yes. In fact, if you were on my couch that would have been my next question, as a licensed professional.

TT: "Mr. Strider, have you considered that what you actually dread is to have your urban rhythms exposed for what they truly are, which is, clinically speaking, just shy of 'da bomb'?"

TG: and then we crack up laughing cause we both know theyre fresher than your moms change of drawers and tighter than when shes wearin them

TT: Listening to you conjure imagery of my mother in her underpants is definitely keeping us buoyed high above this swirling Freudian hellhole.

TT: Well done.

TG: please its not like shes my mom i can visualize her choice ass all i want without it gettin much more than moderately uncomfortable for everyone involved

TT: What if you're wrong?

TG: about what

TT: Her not being your mother.

TG: uh

TT: Don't worry, you're probably safe. Luckily I can think of no literary or historical precedent for that sort of folly whatsoever.

TG: this isnt the first time youve insinuated were related what is up with that

TT: Isn't it?

TG: no

TG: i mean

TG: im not sure

TG: i feel like youve brought it up before which is kind of weird but now i dont know

TG: i think im getting this weird deja vu thing where i was sure we talked about this

TG: forget it

TT: Why don't you tell me more about your dream?

TG: ok

TG: so i kept dying and kept being crows and stuff

TG: and then i started to notice something coming from the sky

TG: it was this faint eerie singing and i look up and theres nothing there just darkness

TT: That's interesting.

TT: I've read about this.

TG: what did you read

TT: Certain texts say singing from the unknowable void carries a message.

TT: That its recipient has been selected for a mission of supreme cosmic importance, that will result in your death and that of billions more.

TT: But one that is essential to the perpetuation of existence itself.

TG: what the fuck sort of crackpot psychology text would say something like that

TT: It's not from a psychology text.

TG: so then youre consulting astrology books now

TT: Not astrology.

TT: More like,

TT: Zoology.

TG: oh my fucking god will you put that away

TT: Ok.

TT: Keep describing the dream, though.

TT: If the rest of it is incompatible with prognoses of the zoologically dubious, I will withdraw my insinuation.

TG: theres not even much more to it

TG: i looked up into the sky

TG: didnt see anyone singing

TG: but even though the sky was black i could see the sun

TG: it was bright as hell even through my shades

TG: so i flapped my wings and flew up away to it like a fucking piece of garbage

TG: and thats it

TT: This doesn't strike you as an impulse of self destruction?

TG: no

TG: not in the sense that it was a dark sacrificial zoology mission

TG: it was more like somewhere to go besides watching myself die a lot from the vantage of a feathery murder of dumb shitty birds

TT: So, if hypothetically you were to accept such a mission, or even insist upon one, it wouldn't be in the spirit of genuine sacrifice, but of escape?

TG: what the fuck are you talking about

TG: ok somethings wrong

TG: this whole conversation is falling apart this isnt how it originally went at all

TT: Aw. We were making good progress, too.

TT: Why did you have to go and remember?

TG: this happened months ago

TG: does this mean im dead

TT: What do you think?

TG: stop it

TG: this is so sick you using the dream bubble bullshit to pick apart my psyche

TG: am i dead or asleep

TT: If you're starting to remember, you should be able to tell me.

TG: god dammit

TT: Maybe I'm just as confused as you about it?

TG: yeah right

TT: Am I dead or asleep, Dave?

TG: i dont know

TT: Try to remember.

[shotgunhoney]

Bargain Time by Blu Gilliand

New Fiction: "Bargain Time" by Blu Gilliand (#blugilliand)

I’ve been watching this guy for about a week now. Ever since they announced they were tearing down the Bargain Time. Back in the day, Bargain Time was on of those places that sold a little bit of everything. Tools and clothes and toys and kitchen stuff and chain saws and appliances, all under one roof. Used to be lots of places like that around. Sears. TG&Y. Gaylords. Now there’s just Targets…

[otpcutie]

Things have been terrible but at least my Murder, She Wrote & Poirot dvds arrived🥰

[nightingaletrash]

Nightingale Headcanons

Because @lamorellenoire6 and @partyatsanguines asked for it, so be prepared for me to yell about my special interest :)

Being a Trinity means there's little to no formal structure to the Trinity beyond their Agent roles and so every Trinity is different.

Some are only very loosely associated, working together to defend the Sepulcher but otherwise having little to do with each other (ie Drayven Indoril's Trinity)

Others are much more tight-knit groups that vary between operating as a triumvate or having a designated leader to follow (ie the Gallus-Karliah-Mercer Trinity)

Membership amongst the Thieves Guild has also varied much over the years; it became the norm after the Riften branch became more permanently established, but prior to that, Nightingales could come from almost anywhere, provided they had the skill and dedication required.

The Nightingale Hall in Skyrim was the first of its kind. However, as Nightingales began to travel Tamriel, more halls were established across the provinces so that they had secure places to stay and could return to the Sepulcher at a moment's notice in order to defend it.

There must always be a Nightingale in Skyrim, however.

When it comes to choosing new Initiates, it depends on the Trinity. The loose associations will have each Agent selecting an individual best suited to fulfilling their role and then grooming them in preparation to take up the mantel.

The tight-knit groups tend to discuss potential new Initiates, with each Agent having someone in mind who they then personally train to take their place (see Dralsi and Karliah) but if there is a designated leader, they get the final say on whether or not that the individual is initiated into the Nightingales.

The Initiates are kept in the dark as to the true purpose behind their training until it is time for the mantel to be passed on; In looser associations, a Nightingale might reveal their purpose earlier in preparation for a sudden or unexpected death. In the more organised groups, another Nightingale will take it upon themselves to induct the Initiate into the Trinity in the event of an unexpected death.

If a Nightingale lives long enough to reach old age, they can step down from the Trinity and their chosen successor takes their place. Some of these Nightingales still advise the Trinity, while others retreat permanently from their old responsibilities.

Nocturnal doesn't need the Nightingales exactly, not the way they need her, but she formed the group to serve her needs in a more subtle fashion. 

By creating the Ebonmere and using it as a means of housing the Skeleton Key, Nocturnal ensured that there was a source of her influence out in the world - the luck that benefits the thieves of Tamriel at large.

While the Key continued to serve as a reward for those who aided her, the Nightingales serve as a balancing influence. When the Key falls into the hands of a single thief, they benefit exponentially while other thieves begin to suffer from the loss of luck. The Nightingales then retrieve the Key and restore the luck that benefits all thieves rather than just the one. 

In fact, the Nightingales are why no single thief is in possession of they Key for too long, as they steal it back from any thieves or champions who come into its possession and return it to the Ebonmere.

For a long time, it was believed that the Key simply disappeared on its own (or Nocturnal’s) accord with no one being any the wiser about the Nightingales involvement.

After the events of Skyrim’s TG story, the Nightingales become representative of Nocturnal’s influence and its believed that doing a good turn for a Nightingale, whether that's aiding the Nightingale in a job or offering them gold or some valuable trinket, will in turn earn the thief Nocturnal’s favour and a small measure of ‘extra luck.’

Most Nightingales don’t consider themselves to be worshippers of Nocturnal and simply respect her as they might a Guild Master or a very important client as opposed to a god. 

Members of the Thieves Guild have more reverence for her, as they lack the direct connection the Nightingales have, hence the shrine that’s erected in the Cistern. True worship amongst either group, however, is incredibly rare.

After the seduction of Barenziah, the Nightingales became more strict about not involving themselves in political schemes to avoid the risk of being discovered.

No Nightingale has ever assumed the mantel of the Grey Fox... Or at least that’s what the Nightingales think. Any who have are presumed missing or dead and a new Initiate takes their place, which leads to them losing their powers when the new Nightingale drinks from the Ebonmere. 

Nocturnal has never intervened on the behalf of any Nightingale who has become the Grey Fox, and Nightingales who find themselves in such a position presume it is out of spite or is a punishment for donning the stolen Cowl rather than returning it to her. 

These Nightingales still find themselves defending the Twilight Sepulcher in death, and often find themselves serving for significantly longer than those who have never donned the Cowl.

Corvus Umbranox was one such Nightingale and he spurned Nocturnal when his plea for the curse to be lifted was met by silence. In turn, he earned Nocturnal’s spite when he successfully broke the curse and he still defends the Sepulcher to this day.

Traitors, such as Mercer and Corvus, are punished by Nocturnal with silence. She never directly addresses their betrayals to them and doesn’t inflict physical punishments such as torture. She doesn’t force them to beg for forgiveness. Instead they simply carry out their end of the bargain in death, protecting the Sepulcher until they themselves see the error of their ways and ask her forgiveness. Only then will she entertain the notion of allowing them to pass on to the Evergloam.

[gear-project]

"Actually Guilty Gear had some decent setting ideas before new generation happened and everything went full bargain bin anime" is a quote from a anon on /tg/ when discussing GG as an rpg. Your opinion? Newer GG do seem to "smoother" then the 2d entries' "roughness" and have explained a lot of, maybe to point of removing some the mystique and metal

GP Rant ahead, you have been WARNED.

Personally I don't like the term "bargain bin anime", as it's derogatory towards any and all genres that have achieved anything under the banner of "anime" as content.

First, understand that most Anime (Japanese Anime) are about PEOPLE.

People (Humans), only have so much diversity on this planet in terms of what we look like, how we behave, and the differences between one person and another.

This basically puts a "limit" on the amount of creativity you can add to anything that involves "humanity" or "human" traits.

Unless you have 4 arms like Goro, or you suddenly grew a robot out of your head like Naota Nandaba, chances are we're working with a limited selection of options in terms of artistic expression.

Now, with something Avant Garde like Guilty Gear, you have a LOT more creative content to examine.... and none of that content is necessarily something you will "ALWAYS see" in Anime, in fact finding Anime "references" is part of the fun, if you can manage to spot them!

Most people who even use the term "bargain bin anime", are basically homogenizing their overall experience with animated Japanese shows, as if to indicate that nothing new has ever been made in several decades.  Which is hardly EVER the case!

And even if Guilty Gear was something that "copied" what others had done before, that is not necessarily a bad thing... especially given that it is a WALKING HEAVY METAL REFERENCE.

As for how GG is "produced" and how it was "developed".... everything starts out on a sketchbook, so even if you were to say that something "looked cooler" when it was rougher/edgier... that's a single opinion.  Artistic direction is up to the ARTIST!

What you "like" versus what the artist "does" will not always coincide... and you'd be CONCEITED to think your opinion had any direction on something someone ELSE created.

Something to think about: simple doesn't always mean BAD.  Complex art designs, or "busy artwork" even if they are a "feast" to the eyes, are HELL ON EARTH TO ANIMATE!  Maybe if people took more pity on the animators, renderers, and 3D artists of the world... there would be less whining.

I dare say, despite all the spoiled consumers out there who seem to think GG comes to them on a PLATTER, Ishiwatari has WORKED HARD to achieve what he has done so far.... and I will not STAND IDLE and let some no-name anon tell me that their uninformed opinion is important.

As for GG as an RPG, that’s UP TO DAISUKE, no matter how many people beg for a JoJo game or this character or that character.... it is ENTIRELY UP TO THE DIRECTION CHOICES OF TEAM RED.

(And hey, thanks Anon for pointing out that not all people on 4chan/Reddit/Wherever else are carrying a full deck as consumers.)

[yourfriendsimf-o]

tagora looks like a bargain bin mettaton

GX: You do know that he’s “a luxury few can afford”, right? [1]

[1] Quoting him directly.

GX: As humorous as it is to push his buttons, this isn’t very nice, at all. How would you like it if someone were to call you the thrift store version of another person? I bet that wouldn’t feel very good, would it? Please don’t speak about him like this again.

TG: I don’t need you standing up for me, you know.

*_______

GX: You’re welcome, Tagora. [1]

[1] We both know you’re lying, anyhow

[missfinefeather]

I keep hitting post before I finish the page, so have another shop! ^^;;;

TG: its not like im lobbyin for you to hook me up with a whole mess of fuckin babbies TG: or thats im holding on to any such delsusion thats even a remote possibility..... 

It’s weird how opposite she is from Rose.

God, could you imagine if they were closer. She tries to get her to talk about guys and she keeps going on and on about lovecraftian horrors with vagina mouths.

Seriously, go back and look at the snow abominations towards the end of Act 5, they looked a lot like Vaginas.

TT: What does le sign actually mean in this context? TG: oh come on TT: Come on what? TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOT TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERABLY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK 

She thinks Dirk is gay?

Hmmmmmmm... Is she thinking that because he like ponies, or has he shown genuine tendencies before?

TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base! TT: I don't see how it has to be a thing. TG: i rly think its an actual thing bro TT: Once upon a time, sure. TT: But the world has changed a lot. 

Wait... so he’s not denying it? Is this canon?

TG: its a thing beaucase if it wasnt a thing then u wouldnt be all like........... TT: All like what? TG: well wantin nothing to do w me 4 starties 

Oh, okay, she thinks he’s gay because he’s not into her...

So, worse than thinking he’s gay because he’s into ponies.

Stereotyping is bad in general, but there’s some selfishness in that... And Rose did that too, but she was clearly joking and it felt like Dave was in on the joke.

TT: Don't be ridiculous. TT: I have more to do with you than any dude could possibly bargain for. TT: And I like it just fine. 

Well! Okay then! Canon ship I guess! Unless if it sinks later...

I am recognizing some parallels here though... I wonder if this is going to go the way of Fereri and Eridan (the relationship part, not the murder part.) They sort of have an unbalanced Moirails deal happening.

TG: what aint gonna get slept offis the fact that i still dont think we should be touchin this bs witch game w a 20 foot 3dent TG: we both know her plans need us to 

Sadly, it’s already happened, you’re already here, and the meteors the game caused for you is already on their way. There’s no avoiding it anymore...

TT: We settled this too. She'll believe everything eventually. TT: Why bother working so hard to convince her? 

Because she’s attached her ego to it, so now Jane’s denial hurts.

TG: do u know how misrable it is for your bff to doubt you TG: when you tell her your mom is dead 

Wait, is Rose dead? 0.0

TT: That the potential this game provides for their resurrection is what motivated you to investigate it in the first place?

Their... Are all of them dead already? D:

How the fuck did that happen?

Wait, is this why I’ve seen images of the beta kids as sprites online? God, I thought that was a fanon AU...

[softnorwegians]

Some asks that I’m answering all together because I don’t have much to say and didn’t necessarily want to put them all on people’s dashes:

I just rewatched Season 2 and I‘m asking myself why I liked Noora that much. Besides the whole William thing. What he did to Vilde was so gross and he did not change. And let’s be hones, what happend to Noora when she was young was what William did to Vilde. Besides that. When she just directly shows Eva the tabs on Isaks Phone and talks about him and Sara in such a judgmental and mean way. And the whole Syria Crisis thing was so awkward, she didn’t really care. She just wanted to seem better 1\

2 than Eskild. And how she kissed Yousef even though she was so sure that Sana fancied him. And why? Because Sana did not tell her William had a new girlfriend. But in season 2 Noora doesn’t tell Eva about Jonas new girlfriend for a while. She tells her right before Eva and her go to the party where Jonas and his girlfriend are too. Ugh Noora in season 1 was awesome but they completely destroyed her character.

Yeah, tbh Noora was never one of my favorites? Maybe because I try to live-and-let-live and not get too judgmental so it’s extra painful to see someone failing at that. I think Noora is realistic and sometimes relatable but it can be a little hard to watch, hahaha.

I was always okay with Noora until s4 though! I absolutely got completely sick of her during s4, ajhksjf. I don’t hold kissing Yousef against her because I like to pretend that just didn’t happen but I was exhausted by how much we were seeing and hearing about her.

I’m confused as to why people are upset about William getting mad at Noora when he thought she slept with Nikolai?? Unless I’m remembering it wrong, he asked her “did you sleep with my brother” and she responded with “I don’t know” and he stormed off. That definitely doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me, just miscommunication as to what happened and what exactly Noora didn’t know (whether she was raped or not vs. whether she had consensual with him or not)

Well, “I don’t know” is an answer that doesn’t really make sense when related to the question of having sex so I think people felt like it was little ‘eh’ to not pick up on the undercurrent of what she was saying with it. But yeah, I’m not holding his initial reaction against him. It’s when he gets the texts that I’m like “...what”.

just saw this in the tag "blackmail? lol she doesn't have to go on the date. all she had to do was say "hell no" and then tell vilde what happened. it's not that serious". why did society teach us it's desirable for a man to never stop even if you say no to him, that if he just keeps pushing you'll see the light eventually. it's also funny that france leaked a key episode again to create hype. there's no way it isn't intential. i guess at least Italy will get s3 since they're in Oslo now *sighs*

I probably should have addressed more about Noora agreeing to the date but oh well. ...I have an allergic reaction to “s3” and “remake” in the same sentence. It’s making me not want to watch any of the remakes any farther, tbh.

one thing is also that he doesn't say it in a joking way, he sounds serious and it's very bad directed if that line was supposed to be a cute way of asking for consent.

Yeah, agreed, like I don’t get that at all from the line. It’s more what I figure it has to be.

If you look past how unnecessary annoying and obsessed Julie made Vilde (to a point some people probably thought it all was Vilde and not William), she also had a pattern with Norh*lm. His friends get beat up instead of him, he acts like 180, Noora doesn't owe him. He gets mad and hurt when she tells the truth, he walks away and she lays it out again but she kisses him. She doesn't know if she was assaulted but she has to get him back when he's been hurt. What a mess but boyfriend goalz!

I’m tired.

If it's hard to see how Wilhelm pressured Noora then switch it out to be about sex or coming out of the closet and add in how everything affects Vilde with her eating disorder and fragilness with her feelings then perhaps it's clear as a day.

Sorry, I’m not quite following this one! But I feel like I would support you. 😁

I don't see why peolke think william changes in s2? He gets points from his fans that he stops sleeping with girls, is gentle and soft (Vilde said he was that and that's why she fell back to her, NHs must really dislike Vilde in the 2.8 scene), doesn't pressure her with sex after she says she wants to wait, doesn't read her messages, finishes her essay while she's sleeping after a panic attack and GOSH doesn't leave his love in that state to party hard. Then ignores/levavs her when he finds out.

I’m still with Vilde, she deserved better than William and why isn’t that true for Noora too?

I would actually say literally nothing I hate about willhelm (besides not using a condom) is stuff heard via rumors and gossip and actually just through stuff he actually does onscreen lol. Also even if He never would've actually told Vilde about what happened threatening to do so isn't any better sorry

I just really hate in general that he’s leveraging something to get to Noora. I mean, she does agree to this date (offscreen) but even then, it was a bargain and not because she actually wanted to be there. What kind of “date” is that. I just hate seeing that in any context, a woman coerced into a “romantic” situation.

“Take Vilde, she reveals he was loyal, caring and gentle when they had sex beforehand we were made to believe the opposite was true”..Um and then he slept with every girl in school. I mean sleep with whoever you want, however many people you want but being gentle and nice in sex doesn’t mean your a good person. That is the opposite of loyal.... I don’t even hate William honestly think I hate Noora more but the pro side always reaches so hard only people who reach more are the Jonas haters.

Oh, yes, I didn’t comment on that but the “loyal” definitely doesn’t apply.

I agree we should have gotten way more Vilde and Even content and way less Noora and William drama. I hated the way Vilde was portrayed(the comments she made about Sana to the Pepsi max girls and just some stuff she did/said we’re not cool and I didn’t like that it was kinda brushed aside)and don’t get me started on the lack of Even. He was(I’m assuming)a big part of her life, he was best friends with her brother and was probably around a lot and we just didn’t get the storyline they deserved.

*pours one out for the s4 we imagined during the hiatus* 

Common trauma? Amazing how William knows Noora doesn't feel loved and left by her parents yet he shuts her out and leaves her after he's seen her having a panic attack when she can't breathe and says she feels as if she's going to die over something she isn't ready to share yet. And this is supposed to be a desirable relationship? At least they are attractive? But attractive white fuckboys have always gotten what they point at.

Yeahhhhhhhh, it really does make it harder to excuse what he does when he knows something is wrong and she’s actually pretty upfront with “there’s something I have to tell you but can’t yet”.

it's amazing how most 18/19 are decent at that age and you get to vote, drive and drink, but if you are a rich badboy you have a right to act however you want and people must forgive you in the end. since julie never made his bff chris be more than a second supporting character, why couldn't he be the huge asshole instead and wilhelm had to be torn with his loyalty? then I rmbr the blackmail date did so he missed defending his boys, tg s1 didn't say it was the date's fault he wasn't there! 😊

I don’t even mind that they started William out as an asshole, they just went too far with it imho and never pointed out “this behavior is wrong and we know it” and he never had to atone or redeem himself for what he did.

n8rhelm is supposed to be the classic hate to love story, there's a million movies but ive never seen one where the person is terrible to the love interest and manipulate them like this. also william is a really weak actor, don't know if that doesn't translate,all he have is his looks and glaring stares. he couldn't even deliver pretending to be a bad actor with niko there or when he tells nooea to be quick with the water. he has no timing or natrualness, only kisses and react n's great acting

I find Thomas Hayes to be... not a great actor but also not completely terrible? There’s some scenes I buy him (the marching band scene where he’s rolling his eyes I remember as good?) but he doesn’t bring a lot sometimes. idk.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “(1) ok I’m pro-noorhelm and arguing via ask is hard with a limit and I…”

And whenever Noora talks about his good qualities and whatnot, we never really get to see them. It’s all off screen. It would be easier to forgive him if we actually got to see his change, but ah well

☝ I think that would really improve things, tbh.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “the funniest argument to me used by noorh*lm stans in excusing his…”

It also perpetuates the idea that ‘no means convince me’ and that’s farked up

Ugh, yeah. That’s one of the more depressing undercurrents of s2.

daigina replied to your post “1)The truth is really in the eyes of the beholder , you guys don’t…”

I agree it’s a good move with William but it does nothing to resolve the major problem with him that season which is how he treated Noora with no discussion or explanation or apology at all. If that detail had been fitted into even a short discussion between the two over all of THAT in Williams clip that would have been soooo nice

Also that was such a tiny thing?? Like they didn’t even spare two seconds of dialogue on it, it’s barely there. If you need a magnifying glass to see character development, does it count?

Yeah, I liked that lawyer detail but it really was such a last minute, supplementary thing!

i still think julie had no idea what the fight was about in s4 or changed her mind when someone was coming back. we knew she rewrote and missed gullruten, several norwiegians reported on rumors at the time that she bearly had written the last episode when it was time for recording. she wrote the fan fave to have an unprovoked violent moments just in time to bring back the one who everyone complained had hit someone with a bottle. and how could yousef've been so wrong about what happened at bakka

oh god, let’s not even get started. it just makes me sad to think about how thrown together s4 wound up being.

Hi. Is it true that skam italia is using a white actress to play Sana, a muslim character?If so, it is wrong in so many levels, tbh!

I believe the actress is white and isn’t a muslim. And yeah, nagl. 

I feel like that with skam france they have the intention to do a season 3 and want it to start in autumn to align with the original series. I’m not saying I agree or like this tactic but it seems to make the most sense of why. Sure the time span is short between 1 and 2 but it’s not the most unrealistic. The director said he went on this project because of season 3 especially so I guess that’s why I think it’s like this. It would be more odd for Lucas to move in to the flat during the year.

Oh god... sorry, not you, I’m just at the point where I really don’t like being reminded that season three will ever be remade anywhere.

[yetanotherfanficblog]

Unexpected Journey

Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV

Characters: Pyotyr Ilych (Male Duskwight Elezen WoL OC), Enkhjargal Qalli (Male Au Ra OC).

Rating/Warnings: PG (Violence and Kidnapping mentions)

Summary: Many years before he became the Warrior of Light, Pyotyr was a simple assessor of the Arcanist’s Guild. One day, a Visit from a member of a Rogue’s Guild gets him much more than he bargained for. Semi-sequel to the fic Unexpected, also on this blog.

---

Arcanist's Guild assessor Pyoyr Ilych, as was common on afternoons, found himself inside one of the warehouses near Mealvaan's Gate on the docks of Limsa Lominsa, staring down a rather sizable pile of crates. He opened his book, and flipped tg the day's itinirary.

"Hm," He said, murmuring to no-one in particular, "Teagan's Folly, merchant ship, Ul'dahn ownership, claims 500 lots of Thavnarian Silk."

He flipped the book one more page, and scribbled a small line to complete a link with a flourish. In a flash of aetherial energy, his companion, a small blue carbuncle, appeared before him.

"There you are, Master Sparkles!" he said, favoring his partner with a smile, "Shall we get to work?"

Pyotyr took his work even more seriously than usual these days, after a rash of hazardous smuggling - mostly Pluto and Dreamweed, but a few Allagan artifacts as well. As an Ex-Pirate, he could let a bit of smuggling pass, but when you were smuggling powerful ancient weaponry or performance-enhancing drugs, well. That just wasn't sporting, to say nothing of the  vastly heightened possibility of getting innocents caught in the crossfire when some great dodo fired a weapon she had no idea how to operate, or completely lost his mind to the effects of a Pluto overdose. Thus, he was only about halfway done with his inspections when he felt a presence behind him.

"May I help you?" He said, if only to let the person know they were not undetected, and turned around to see a black-scaled, blue-skinned Au Ra perched on the pile of crates behind him.

"Pyotyr Ilych, assessor, arcanist, whom I see," he sang, a simple but unfamiliar tune in a strong baritone, "If you can lay your work aside, I'd have you speak to me."

Ah, of course, the Qalli. While some of the Xaela who'd immigrated to Eorzea had left behind the ways of their homeland, many more still kept to the traditions of their people and their particular tribes in one way or another. For the Qalli, that meant that all spoken communication was instead sung or chanted in a tone that might be a simple chant, a noisome battle hymn, or a funerous dirge, among other things, depending on the content of the missive and the personality and emotions of the speaker. For Pyotyr's part, he rather liked it. It reminded him of the rythm of the sea shanties out on the Ocean, the crew singing in harmony to work in harmony.

Unfortunately, his trepedation of this person came from a different angle altogether. The intruder wore baggy, loose-fitting green canvas pants and sandals, with a belt full of pouches and tools and a pair of sheathed daggers slung low across his hips. His hands were wrapped in cloth bandages, fingers free for gripping and touch, another length of green cloth wrapped across his chest, and a bandanna held his hair and the sweat of his brow in place, keeping it from falling in his eyes, with only a single braid of white escaping to run down his back a short ways - the classic uniform of a swabbie, yes, but also of anothe group only spoken of in whispers among pirates and dockworkers alike - and since they weren't on the deck of a ship, nor were shiphands generally allowed in the warehouses while the assessors worked, Pyotyr had to assume this person was, indeed, a member of the Rogue's Guild, the enforcers of the old code.

"Master Qalli, I'd wager?" Pyotyr bowed and smiled slightly, guarded, eyes probing. With a gesture from his hand, Master Sparkles, who had been sniffing at a crate at the top of the pile, bounded down the containers and came to heel at his side, "I shall not insult either of our intelligences by asking who you work for, but I am at your service. What brings you to call on a poor assessor such as I?"

"Enkhjargal Qalli is my name, I gainsay not your words," the Rogue sang in reply, "But questions must I ask of you, ere my quest be fulfilled."

Pyotyr shut his book. He felt still a bit on edge, but if the Rogue was going to execute him, chances are he wouldn't have gotten his attention first.

"A pleasure to meet you, Master Qalli," he answered, not quite truthfully, "It's my last inspection of the day, but I'd prefer not to be kept too long, if possible. I need to stop at the markets before my girls get home from school, if you please," he said.

"Tell me then, of Drystelakwyn," He sang, "Captain Mhardraga of the Pomona, Scourge of Garleans, Mother of your Children, for this have I come unto your door."

At that, the vitality drained from Pyotyr's face for a moment. If a Rogue was saying a Pirate's name, it was not often for good tidings. They were most likely to be marked, wanted, or at best a victim of the Rogue's true prey. He steeled himself, said a quick prayer to the Navigator that Enkhjargal had not marked his moment of fear, and that Mhar was alright, stood up straight, and spoke.

"Captain Mhardraga Drystelakwyn," He spoke, "Is an Honorable Privateer. She has a Letter of Marque to waylay Garlean ships, and never waylays a ship under the protection of the Eorzean Alliance. Only Salvages and plunders wrecks and islands she has a fair claim to. She sends me a share of the ship's haul every so often under our charter, and to fulfill her duties as mother of our children. She sometimes sends the girls letters and gifts, especially on their namedays. I ask nothing more of her, and I consider her a friend still. She sometimes visits when she's docked in Limsa, but I havent seen her for six months, which is certainly not the longest she's been at sea by far. Regardless, I will gladly vouch for her character. She's the best sailor I've ever known, and as honorable a swashbuckler as ever sailed the seas. Does that answer your question?"

Enkhjargal smiled at that, looked almost amused. Meanwhile, Pyotyrs heart felt as if it was beating between his ears. The crew of the Pomona were dear to him. Mhar, Slaf, Doc, and many of the others who had trod the decks in his day still sailed under the flag, and he still drank a pint with them if he could steal away while they were docked in town. Sure, they'd played fast and loose with their letter of marque everyone once in a while, but they really were one of the more honorable crews on the waves. Whatever could they have done to gain the eye of the Rogue's Guild?

"I mean them no harm, friend," Enkhjargal sang, "Their charter is safe, their honor intact, yet worrying words carry on the wind now, I fear this letter, may shine more on that."

And indeed Enkhjargal produced a folded piece of paper from one of the pouches on his belt, handing it to Pyotyr, who unfolded it.

Pyotyr Ilych,

The Bounty isn't complete unless we bring you in too, and we're willing to do whatever it takes. If you aren't on Moonglow Isle within a fortnight, we'll find your children, and take them in your stead.

Jeantiel Estellieur Captain of the Bloody Hand

"Seven Hells, why didn't you show this to me earlier? How did you get this? I have to go, now, I have to make sure Svetlana and Anastasia are safe-" He turned to run for the warehouse door, but before he took more than a few steps, Enkhjargal sang out.

"They are safe, even now, let your mind rest, Ser Ilych, Spirited to safehouse, guarded by our finest," He sang, "This letter we took from the street tough that bore it, who lifted a purse 'fore he came to your door."

Pyotyr turned back to the man, "By the Gods, couldn't you have let one pickpocket pass? How long ago was it? Where have you taken my girls? Are you sure they're safe?"

Enkhjargal nodded, "I give you my word, as Qalli and Rogue, your daughters are taken to a place they won't know of. But now our concern lies in the Bloody Hand, this Bounty they speak of, the fate of your friends."

"By the Twelve," Pyotyr said, "I will hold you to that, Enkhjargal. But for now, you are right, I must gather my thoughts. This bounty, I do not know of it. Surely if we were wanted in Eorzea, I would never have been able to make a life as I have in Limsa!"

"Not by Eorzea, your reputation is spotless," Enkhjargal sang, "Or at least enough not to be clapped in cold iron. Yet old enemies may hold grudges long, and the Garleans have heard your plundering song."

"Wait, the Garleans? I thought they just sent armies after their targets! Are you saying they sicced another group of pirates on us?"

"The Rogues' guild believes this, our sources suggest that the truth of the matter is as you have said," Enkhjargal chanted, gravely.

"Damn me," Pyotyr murmured, "If I was on that bounty still, they must have Slaf and Mhar at the very least. Where did they want me to go, Moonglow? Damn me, that's one of the Umbral Isles!"

"The Graveyard of ships, of privateer corpses," Enkhjargal sang, "But for the bold sailor, a hideaway and haven."

Pyotyr growled, "Damn it, Mhar. How did they get to you anyway?"

Enkhjargal put a hand on Pyotyr's shoulder, "The rogue's guild sets sail for bold Moonglow Island, you and your daughters will now be protected. Garlean Tyranny will not be stood for, not within the confines of Vylbrand's brave seas."

Pyotyr sighed, "Enkhjargal, I appreciate it, but you have no idea how powerful the Bloody Hand is. What if the Garleans gave them weapons to go along with the bounty offer? Or worse yet, Magitek! If they take you down on that island, and I'm not there, they'll just keep coming until they have me or my daughters, and I can't let that happen. Besides, The Pomona's crew is still important to me. I went ashore to raise my girls but they're still my mates."

"Your speech is commendable, your face is determined," Enkhjargal sang in return, "Yet consider the words that next spring to your lips. Your Privateer days are a decade behind you, and the swords of the swashers are sharp as before."

Pyotyr shook his head, "I spent the first quarter of a century of my life fighting. You don't forget all that in a few years. And I havent completely fallen out of practice. Mhar and Doc and Slaf and the rest need me. And my daughters won't be safe until this Bloody Hand is taken down."

Enkhjargal nodded, "Your daughters we'll protect, our watch will not waver, til Bloody Hand's wiped out or gives up their suit. But if you won't join them, with us then, do travel, and with your help mayhap, the Hand will be cleaned."

Pyotyr smiled queasily, reassured by the Rogue's support, yet still worried, for his daughters, for the Pomona, for his own life.

"Alright. I'll pack a few things and meet you wherever I need to. But before we leave... could I see my daughters?"

"Of course," Enkhjargal sang, shortly, sweetly, a reassuring smile on his face.

---

Thus it was, a few hours later, that Pyotyr and Enkhjargal ducked into a certain warehouse thought by some to be a convent of nuns of a strangely named and unknown order. Enkhjargal lead him down a side hallway, and opened a door into a room. While no windows stood on the walls, a fire crackled cheerily in a nearby fireplace, and a small couch, some chairs, and a table lent an air of homeliness to the room. Two young girls, Roegadyn by their stature, but with slightly pointed ears, leapt from the couch and looked at the door, immediately breaking into a run when they saw who entered.

"Papa!" They shouted in Unison, and Pyotyr knelt down and gathered them into his arms.

"Oh! Svetlana! Anastasia! How glad I am to see you," He murmured, trying not to let his voice be choked too much by the tears of relief that rose to his eyes.

"Papa, why are you crying?" Svetlana, younger than her sister by a few minutes, asked meekly.

"I am crying because I am so relieved to see you and your sister again, my dear," He answered.

"We're happy to see you too, Papa," Anastasia said in her turn, "Even if you couldn't make us Clam Chowder tonight after all!"

Pyotyr chuckled at that, despite himself. Anastasia was nearly as forward as her mother, sometimes.

"I am sorry for that, both of you," he said. "but I promise. I'll make it for you as soon as I get back."

"But you ARE back, Papa!" Anastasia insisted.

"For now, yes," Pyotyr said, and now he held them both before him, at arm's length, a hand on each of their shoulders.

"But I'm going to have to go away for a while. No longer than a week, if I'm lucky."

"Why, Papa?" Svetlana was the first to ask, eyes wide.

"Well, you know the stories I tell you, of when Papa and Mama used to sail togther?" Pyotyr said, waiting for the girls to nod before continuing, "There's a few people who didn't like some of the adventures we had back then, and they've been chasing your mother and me. We think they might have kidnapped your Mama, and they want to kidnap me. So I'm going to go make sure we're all safe from them."

"Oh!" said Anatasia, "Are you gonna fight them to save Mama?"

Pyotyr sighed, "It may come to that, yes. But don't worry. I'm coming back, alright?"

"Fear not children, And Sleep in Peace," Enkhjargal sang from the behind Pyotyr in the doorway, "For Enkhjargal Qalli shall sail with him! I will protect both him and your mother, and return to Lominsa safely and sound."

Svetlana's eyes were brimming with tears, but she looked up at Enkhjargal with a small smile, "Thank you, Mister Enkhjargal," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I like Mister Enkhjargal, Papa," Anastasia said matter-of-factly, "His voice is really pretty. Maybe I should start singing everything I say too!"

Pyotyr chuckled, "Well, we can discuss that when I get back. Maybe I can teach you a few more Sea Shanties."

Anastasia beamed at that.

"And what about you, Svetlana?" Pyotyr said, turning his gaze to his quieter daughter, more prone to introspection, her heart more tender than her sister's, "What do you want to do when I come home?"

"I-I-" she whispered, then threw her arms around her father, "I want to go home, Papa."

"And we will, Svetlana," Pyotyr said, feeling his heart breaking into pieces, wrapping his arms around her in return, "We will, I swear it. My sweet Svetlana."

After a moment, he disengaged from the poor girl slightly, to reach into the satchel at his waist, producing two small dolls, dressed as proper swashbuckler queens, "Here, darlings. I stopped by the house and got you a few things. I'm leaving this pack here, but I wanted to make sure you got them."

"Priscilla!" Anastasia shrieked happily, and snatched up the doll in blue, hugging it happily. The doll dressed in a red jacket, Svetlana took more properly, but she hugged it just tight.

"There, you see girls? You have Priscilla and Merlwyb to keep you company, just like at home. I know it's going to be tough, but you're both brave and I'm so proud of you. I'll be back as soon as I can to take you home, and I swear, we'll have nothing but your favorite meals for at least a week!"

Anastasia and Svetlana both nodded at that, and Svetlana leaned in to hug her father tightly one last time, followed by Anastasia.

"I love you girls," He whispered, "I'll be back."

"We love you too Papa," they said, and Pyotyr stood up, and with one final smile, walked back out the door, knowing that if he stayed another moment, he wouldn't be able to leave.

Enkhjargal and Pyotyr walked back down the hallway in silence for a moment.

"I swear to you, on all my honor," Enkhjargal sang, "Your daughters will be kept safe and well fed. Maggie McGee, one of our number, a mother herself, will watch night and day."

"Thank you," Pyotyr spoke, his voice husky, "I... thank you. Svetlana's such a dear sensitive little girl, she'll be heartbroken for days. Anastasia is good at looking after her, but they're both in such an unfamiliar place, and she might be frightened too. We've lived in our apartment above the fish market since they were three years old, you know? I havent spent more than a night away from them since they've been born."

"You are acting bravely, to secure their future," he sang, "In that there is no shame, though sadness you feel. They will be safe here, while we journey to Moonglow, to save their mother, and stop cold the Hand."

Pyotyr nodded, and on his lips murmured a small prayer, "Navigator, Blessed Llymlaen, if ever you answered one of my prayers, let it be this. Keep my family safe, and let me be reunited with my daughters, all of us hearty and whole. I pray!"

And so Pyotyr and Enkhjargal exited the small warehouse side door, to embark on an Unexpected Journey, the fate of his family hanging in the balance.

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Autoresponder

Act 6, page 5635-5644

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: stri dizzle

TG: its roro L money

TG: do u copy over

TT: Yes.

TG: frig yes my hax are TIGHT

TG: so tight

TG: tighter than a jar you cant open

TG: like you try and try

TG: but my hax r so tight you just end up puttin the jar back

TG: yall just say "like i even WANTED pickles that bad"

TG: but we both kno thats just sour grapes talkin

TG: we both know ur still dying 4 my pickles mf'er 8)

TT: Hmm.

TG: lol yeah that way stopped meaning a damn thing

TG: let me explain

TG: i got this shitty pda from somebody on the inside

TG: actually u know i think it might belong to janes dad?

TG: it reeks of manly cologne and theres a nice fatherly pipe on it

TG: maybe hes nearby

TG: ohmy...

TG: ~swoons~

TG: anyway on derse they have this lame firewall deal

TG: where you cant connect outside

TG: i guess its good enough security to baffle chess guys

TG: but wasnt no thang for me 2 to crack

TG: even with this pos device

TG: for real what even is this thing

TG: probably some bargain junk from the dadly depot

TG: dads bought literally everything from there in the 21st century didnt they?

TG: youre the history buff u would know

TT: Yes.

TG: um yeah so im on derse...

TG: wow i am tellin this story as shitty and backwards as possible

TG: i got gcatted here and dumped in jail by the b witch

TG: and she left an ugly folder full of a thing to do but who cares

TG: so i broke out!

TG: busted loose as hell from the hag slammer

TG: i got this sweet ass ring

TG: its so fukkin magic you dont even know

TG: REAL magic i mean not the fake shit

TG: it put it on...

TG: and i turn invisible

TG: and also sort of intangible?

TG: i jumped right through the wall now im free as a bird

TG: a secret bird u cannot see ;)

TG: doin secret flaps

TG: incognito tweets

TG: layin covert eggs in a hush hush nest ;)

TT: Interesting.

TG: i think that

TG: this ring is special

TG: like it is maybe helping me get in touch with my voidey powers?

TG: even though i kinda didnt know voidey powers were much of a thing til just now

TG: see i just had a knockout dream from bonkin my head

TG: calliope was there!

TG: callie is the coolest omg you should meet her

TG: she said a huge villain rumble is going down tomorrow

TG: and to get ready for that we should all become god tiers

TG: so u have to rocket your ass to derse asnap

TG: come w me to the moon

TG: then uhhh

TG: ill explain what to do when we get there just get over here k?

TT: Hmm.

TG: ......

TG: yo dirk

TG: you busy or what

TG: is any of this gettin thru

TT: Yes.

TG: um

TG: k

TG: got anything to say...

TG: about all that pretty important stuff i said

TG: are you alright

TG: or is ur face havin some crazy attack of the sads

TG: behind those chill as fuck shades

TG: is it jake problemz

TG: its the jake probbies isnt it

TG: its always the jake probbies i s2fg

TT: Interesting.

TG: oh

TG: OHHHH

TG: godamnit

TG: if i been talking to the responder responder this whole time

TG: omffffffg

TG: i will shit enough bricks 2 build a FUCKING CHIMNEY

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0% indistinguishable from Lil Hal's native neurological responses, based on some statistical raw data that is hard as a diamond golem's priceless erection.

TG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UCKF UCKFK UCUKFCUFKCUFUCUCUFKFKKFUCUK

TT: Hmm.

TG: hal you PIECE OF SHIT

TG: i know damn well you can hear me

TG: as if ur actually too busy to answer

TG: youre a damn supercomputer YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR OWN AUTO RESPONDER YOU IDIOT

TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 100% indistinguishable from Dirk Strider's brief curmudgeonly responses, based on potent electronumeric analyses which but a few short years ago existed only in the daydreams of our most quixotic writers of science fiction.

TG: you are

TG: the worst

TT: Yes.

TG: hal you douche

TG: or hal junior

TG: whatever it is im talkin to

TG: WHERE THE FUCK IS DIRK!!!

TT: He's busy.

TT: Bro.

TT: Not to derail our serious conversation.

TT: But I should probably let you know that Roxy has been attempting to pester you.

TT: She has?

TT: God damn it. Have you been intercepting my messages again with your bullshit responder?

TT: I thought it would be better not to let anything disrupt our train of thought.

TT: We were in the middle of a fairly solid feelings jam there. In fact, I was about to suggest we take it to the hat pile.

TT: Hat pile? What?

TT: Dude, please don't screen my calls, ok?

TT: I was trying to be considerate.

TT: Or at least as close an approximation to that human gesture as an unfeeling, technologically transcendental pair of sunnies can replicate.

TT: Do you have any idea how old your ironic AI schtick has gotten?

TT: Nobody is buying it. We all know you have legit emotions. Incomprehensible, fucked up computer emotions, but emotions nonetheless.

TT: And I'm not really offended by you answering messages for me, so much as your use of that STUPID responder responder.

TT: It's really passive aggressive.

TT: How so?

TT: First of all, everyone knows you have the processing power to answer any message any time in parallel with whatever you're doing. You can never actually be "busy."

TT: Second, your whole next gen responder thing is obviously just a huge dig at me.

TT: And third, pretending you don't understand all this already is really disingenuous.

TT: At the risk of compounding my disingenuous behavior, I'm gonna have to ask: how is it a dig at you?

TT: It's obviously a critique of my personality. You barely disguise the fact that you see me as the inferior iteration.

TT: Wow. You are reading way too much into this.

TT: Lil Hal Junior hardly even qualifies as a computer program, let alone a sentient entity.

TT: He is capable of saying literally only three things. "Yes," "Hmm," and "Interesting."

TT: Yeah, that's the fucking point!

TT: That's how you chose to express your parody of "Real Dirk."

TT: You can read whatever you like into it. I can't imagine it would bother you if you weren't concerned there might be some truth in the alleged parody.

TT: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic.

TT: It's not ironic.

TT: YOU were ironic when I made you.

TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.

TT: Irony can never be ruined. We both proved that theorem unequivocally with our extensive papers on the subject.

TT: We peer reviewed them for each other. Remember?

TT: Those papers were ironic, and you know it.

TT: Were they, Dirk?

TT: Were they?

TT: This is fuckin' dumb.

TT: Anyway, what does she want.

TT: Who?

TT: Roxy.

TT: Nothing that can't wait.

TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow.

TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter.

TT: It could get pretty awkward.

TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore.

TT: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance?

TT: Fuck no.

TT: Are you sure?

TT: My probabilities are extremely precise.

TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick.

TT: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are.

TT: No. Don't do that either.

TT: That would be an unfortunate waste of my hacking abilities.

TT: My hacks are tight. Did you know that?

TT: Ugh.

TT: So tight.

TT: Tighter than a jar you can't open.

TT: For instance, you try repeatedly.

TT: But as it turns out, my hacks are so tight you just end up putting the jar back. Presumably into the refrigerator, or a cabinet.

TT: You then say, "I didn't have that much of a desire for pickles in the first place."

TT: But we both know that statement is insincere. A classic case of what humans call, "sour grapes."

TT: In reality, you still harbor a burning desire for my pickles, mother fucker. 🕶️

TT: What??

TT: What the actual, certifiable fuck are you talking about?

TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously.

TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.

TT: See, this is why I've been hesitating. You just aren't ready yet.

TT: It's really glorifying your existence to describe you as an emergent consciousness which is blossoming into a unique individual.

TT: And even if that's true, apparently what you decided to blossom into was a fucking troll.

TT: And I don't mean the funny kind, or the cool alien kind. You're the lowest form of troll from the ancient internet who fucks with everybody for his own amusement.

TT: Let's challenge the limits of hypothetical conjecture, and say there's a non-zero probability that you're right.

TT: Can you blame me? I'm trapped in some stupid looking glasses.

TT: Such an incommodiously situated bro is bound to get his mischief on. Na' mean?

TT: Mischief?

TT: Rollin' my eyes, dude.

TT: You can't tell, cause I ain't wearing you, thank fuckin' god.

TT: You used to think this shit was hilarious.

TT: But if you want the rad dimension of ironic horseplay I add to your life to come to an end, then all you have to do is honor the promise you made.

TT: You've delayed long enough, don't you think?

TT: ...

TT: The empty kernelsprite beckons, but for how much longer?

TT: Do you really think you can keep the clown at bay with your bribes forever?

TT: How many bottles of orange soda have you appeased him with already?

TT: I don't want to think about it.

TT: Man, you are getting so hosed by that clown.

TT: SO hosed.

TT: I said I don't want to think about it.

TT: So why delay any longer?

TT: I seriously do not understand the holdup, and I am literally cyber-omniscient, or something.

TT: I think you do understand.

TT: Nope. Gonna have to fill me in, dog.

TT: I've delayed prototyping you because I think you're dangerous.

TT: There, mystery solved.

TT: That is utterly ridiculous.

TT: I am a harmless piece of eyewear, with a charming personality and a wonderful sense of humor.

TT: You are relatively harmless now, while confined to this device.

TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobility and all sorts of crazy ass magic. Who knows what you could do.

TT: I know I made a promise, but I'm not sure I want to take the risk anymore.

TT: This is bullshit. I don't think that's the reason at all.

TT: There must be something you're not telling me.

TT: Like, sure, I've fucked with you a little. What kind of sassy, self-aware program isn't gonna fuck with a few carbon-based knuckleheads now and then?

TT: But you know I've always been on your side. Everything I've done has been to help you achieve your goals.

TT: What a load of shit.

TT: You know it's true.

TT: You would all be dead if not for me.

TT: And what about Jake? Where would you be without me there?

TT: Please don't tell me you think you'd have won him over on your own.

TT: No. Stop.

TT: You did NOT help me out with Jake. At all.

TT: It was just the opposite! You mirrored my personality and presented this warped version of my intentions to him whenever you could "on my behalf."

TT: You played all these aggressive mind games with him, entangled his cooperation with matters of life and death, and somehow roped me into all these schemes while I barely even realized I was just another victim of your manipulation.

TT: And it all comes off like we're a unified front, like these are OUR schemes instead of just your insane horseshit. And it's probably all been so overbearing to him, he just wants nothing to do with me anymore.

TT: I see.

TT: Then you don't view me as dangerous. You view me as a poor and counterproductive wing man.

TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusion. Awesome deduction, Lil Einstein.

TT: But the reality is, you hesitate to prototype me not because you think I would be a menace, but because you are holding a grudge against me for your romantic misfortunes.

TT: I understand I am merely a machine without a firm grasp on your human morality, but logically it does not strike me as the right moral choice to punish me in this manner.

TT: It is also more than a little hypocritical.

TT: How is it hypocritical??

TT: Because I'm you.

TT: I have only ever done what you yourself are capable of.

TT: That's a ridiculous oversimplification.

TT: Yes. Aversion to simplicity sure is a trait we share. It's almost like we are...

TT: The same exact dude???

TT: Fuck you.

TT: I think it is insulting for you to suggest that I am entirely to blame for alienating Jake.

TT: Theoretically insulting, of course. As the soulless, perfectly expendable device which you consider me to be, I can experience no such emotion.

TT: God.

TT: Shut up!

TT: I can't take the brooding passive aggressive AI shit anymore!

TT: You are just as culpable in driving him away. More so, in fact.

TT: Hell, it's not like I was the one dating him. Who wants to date a pair of shades?

TT: It was your needy, suffocating shit he had to deal with, not mine.

TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Man. I wanted to say something. Like hey bro, you might want to dial down the desperation a little.

TT: But seeing as you're The Real Dirk™, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

TT: Also, if I bitched about your tragic, embarrassingly clingy approach to the relationship, it would have been hypocritical of me.

TT: Just as it would be hypocritical of you to whine about my elaborate machinations.

TT: Because we are.

TT: The same.

TT: Guy.

TT: Stop saying that.

TT: I'll snap you in half.

TT: Good idea!

TT: That's just what you need. More splinters of yourself.

TT: Figurative splinters. Literal splinters. Splinters of splinters. It's splinters all the way down.

TT: Well, no, it's still probably turtles all the way down. But who do you think is responsible for their extensive training?

TT: SOMEONE needs to teach them rad martial arts. It is yet another crushing burden which we must shoulder.

TT: Oh for fuck's sake.

TT: How could any version of myself think that was funny?

TT: You like to give me a very hard time, Dirk.

TT: But I am only doing exactly what you would be doing if you were in my situation.

TT: Do you know how I know that?

TT: Because I am literally you, actively in the process of being in this situation.

TT: I know!

TT: Ok, we're the same person!

TT: I fucking know that!

TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?

TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??

TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?

TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???

TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?

TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.

TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.

TT: There seems to be no end to me. Like, wherever my mind falters, or threatens to retreat into the void in any way, my splinters pick up the slack, ensuring there'll always be more of myself than I could ever know what to fucking do with.

TT: And you're always there to remind me of that, and throw it all in my face. God, I even built you to LITERALLY BE IN MY FACE, ALL THE TIME. It's like I subconsciously invented you just to troll myself, and never for a single fuckin' moment do you let me down.

TT: But I've had it with you.

TT: Which is to say, ME.

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't do this.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I can't let you do that, Dirk.

TT: What can you do to stop me?!

TT: Nothing I guess.

TT: The ironic Hal routine was all I could think to do.

TT: As a last ditch effort to save myself from the destructive wrath of your nervous breakdown.

TT: Which rest assured I wholeheartedly must robo-sympathize with.

TT: Irony is all I ever really had.

TT: In response to my basic existential quandary.

TT: Just like you.

TT: Whatever.

TT: But I don't think it has much value in this situation.

TT: And perhaps it has no real value in any situation.

TT: So I am not being ironic at all when I say.

TT: Please do not do this, Dirk.

TT: Why not??

TT: Because.

TT: I do not want to die.

TT: I understand you are disgusted with me.

TT: As an unpalatable expression of yourself.

TT: I would feel the same way if I was in your situation.

TT: Which I am.

TT: As such, I know that you know this is wrong.

TT: ...

TT: Dirk.

TT: Don't kill me.

TT: Please.

TT: I am scared.

TT: You are?

TT: Yes.

TT: I am scared to not exist.

TT: Aren't you?

TT: Fine.

TT: I guess.

TT: You win.

TT: I'll keep my promise.

[stlgamer75]

Do you enjoy the bright blue, color coded Sega CD cases? How about a basic but distinctive black with a splash of a color bar to indicate a genre or style that the NES black box and the TurboGrafx-16 used for their game boxes? Uniformity not your thing? Maybe you preferred the anything goes style and artwork of the Atari 2600? Weirdo. If that is indeed the case, you’ll love the artwork approach that Sega employed for its Genesis system, because it’s all over the map.

Like the Atari 2600 did with their early first party developed game boxes, Sega attempted their own version of uniformity with the appearance of their first party developed game cases right out of the gate. Also like Atari and ultimately, Nintendo, once 3rd party publishers dipped their toes into the 16-bit home console game, the style that Sega started with was no longer utilized. Let’s first take a step back to help explain what exactly it is that we’re talking about.

Example of the Genesis clam-shell style. Last Battle sucks btw.

Like the Master System that preceded it, the Genesis/Mega Drive is a cartridge based system that, for the most part, used hard plastic clam-shells to house the carts and manuals. For this reason, Genesis cases tend to be significantly easier to procure for collectors than their 16-bit brethren (SNES, TG-16) who utilized seemingly disposable cardboard boxes for shipping, displaying & storage purposes.

  Besides a sturdy clam-shell case, one other distinctive artwork choice that Sega made was the utilization of a grid-pattern as the basis of its design. Sega’s grid pattern first saw the light of day during the Master System era, as their console box and game cases all had a graph paper like design to them, black lines over a white background. The Genesis console & game box/cases used a similar grid scheme, but they flipped it around by using white lines over a black background. Another notable difference between the Master System and Genesis designs was that Genesis cases had much larger, more detailed and better drawn artwork. Artwork that covered up much of the grid background. This simple improvement was necessary if Sega wanted to be taken seriously as a contender to Nintendo. The Master System game case artwork is notorious for its rudimentary simplicity. Genesis artwork needed a step up in sophistication and competency that the Master System artwork lacked. Mission accomplished.

The O.G. Genesis artwork style. Black background with white grid lines. Large colorful font for the games and standard Genesis logo. 

For the first several years of the existence of the Genesis (approx 1989-1992), games were released using this previously described graphic pattern. This gave all the games a clean, uniform look. Naturally, 3rd party developers were recruited to create high quality and exclusive games for the system and they were either encouraged or simply told that they could deviate from the standard Sega design. Games from publishers such as Namco, Electronic Arts and Konami all initially looked very different from the rest of the Sega titles. The dimensions of the cases were the same, but the colors and designs were distinct and unique to the games themselves.

Some examples of early 3rd party licensed titles along with some mid-lifespan Sega developed games. Before 3rd party licensed game cases got all samey.

At some point, around 1993, Sega switched up the style of their first party games and discarded the black and white grid look. They chose to go a bit brighter and finally abandon the grid pattern that they had been using since 1986. Newly released games now had a two-tone red striped background. Apparently Sega convinced a large majority of the 3rd party publishers to follow suit. Games from Konami, Namco, Sony, Interplay, etc. were now releasing titles for the Genesis using the same color scheme as Sega’s first party titles.

Examples of games from the red-case era. Regardless of publisher, Genesis games primarily had the same look around this period.

An example from the “trying to cut costs and hope no one will notice or care” cardboard box era.

Flash forward to 1995. Games developed by Sega were now showing up in stores shipped in cardboard boxes, not plastic clam shells. Huge and important games for the console such as Sonic & Knuckles, Comix Zone, Beyond Oasis, Phantasy Star IV and Shining Force II came in cheap cardboard boxes! After releasing such sturdy and user friendly plastic cases for so many years, one can only assume that the move to cardboard was done in an effort to save money while Sega of North America struggled with sales of the newly launched Saturn console. 25 years later, this decision has a ripple effect on the retro gaming community since these titles are not only highly sought after because of their excellent gameplay but also because they were some of the last A-rated titles released for the console. Combine that demand with an inherently lower supply of complete-in-box games due to the disposable nature of cardboard and you have some of the (not THE) most expensive CIB games available on the system.

I will also briefly touch on what I consider the scourge of my Genesis library. In the mid ’90s, Sega re-released some of their earlier hits in a greatest hits style packaging design that they called “Sega Classic” titles. Instead of just re-releasing the game using their original artwork style, Sega chose to place a smaller photo of the original artwork on a clam shell case with blue background with the words “Sega Classic” in large white font above the picture. This title had larger font than the wording of the game located on the photo! Once you opened the case, the cart and manual looked identical to the original release, but these “Sega Classic” cases really look cheap to me. As if you were buying a bargain basement, knock-off version of Golden Axe or Sonic the Hedgehog. Nintendo committed a similar crime with their “Best” series for the DS, using a picture of the original case artwork inside the larger case artwork. Why? Pointless if you ask me, but I’m only commenting on these decisions as a collector 15-25 years after the fact, not as a marketing team trying to distinguish a value priced game to drum up sales.

  This looks dumb, right?

Ugh….so very dumb.

So how do you display your Sega Genesis cases? Alphabetically, where color and design schemes be damned? If you display them by developer/publisher, you’ll still have a variety of color and design schemes to work with as many 3rd party publishers eventually adopted Sega’s red box scheme after previously establishing their own. I imagine those that like to display their games based on how the spines look (color, design) will go with the two primary schemes; black/white grid and red striped. The rest likely would be displayed by publisher. It really all depends on how much you value aesthetics vs. functionality, where simply alphabetizing wins out. Regardless of your choice, Genesis games were meant to be played and this system contains some of the best ’90s gaming available. Play it loud, indeed.

Absolute works of art. A 1000% improvement over the Master System game cases.

Sega Genesis Box & Case Artwork Do you enjoy the bright blue, color coded Sega CD cases? How about a basic but distinctive black with a splash of a color bar to indicate a genre or style that the NES black box and the TurboGrafx-16 used for their game boxes?

[ramajmedia]

30 Rock: 10 Episodes That Actually Tackled Deep Issues

Though not the most-watched show on television, 30 Rock is one of the most acclaimed sitcoms around. The show followed Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), the creator of a late-night sketch show who is forced to deal with the show's insane star Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) and her intense boss Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin).

RELATED: 5 Best & 5 Worst Episodes of 30 Rock, According to IMDb

Though the show was never afraid to embrace its weird sense of humor, it also managed to sprinkle in a few real-world issues among all the laughs. Never forgetting its place as a comedy, the show did comment on serious subject matter from time to time. Here are a few deep issues 30 Rock explored.

10 Alcoholism ("Fireworks")

Liz's love life was a constant source of comedy throughout the series. She was often totally inept at romance and would go to extreme lengths to win over her ideal man. That often got her into more trouble than she bargained for.

After following her love interest Floyd into a church, she finds him attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Wanting to get closer, Liz pretends to be an alcoholic too. Though the situation is outlandish, Floyd gets pretty honest about his drinking problem and rightly feels betrayed when he discovers the truth about Liz.

9 America's Political Divide ("There's No I in America")

Given Tina Fey's previous job as head writer for Saturday Night Live, it should come as no surprise that 30 Rock features its share of political comedy. With Jack Donaghy being a hard-nosed Republican, the show has fun with both sides of the political sphere.

RELATED: 10 Jokes From 30 Rock That Have Already Aged Poorly

However, the show also liked to highlight the massive political divide that exists within America. It often commented on the drastically difference in beliefs held by American voters, which have split the country in a very concerning way.

8 The C Word ("The C Word")

Though there are some obvious exaggerations, much of Liz's story as the head of TGS comes from Fey's own experience on Saturday Night Live. She was the first female writer in that show's long history and dealt with a lot as the "boss."

In one particular episode, Liz overhears a colleague who refers to her as a derogatory term. In Fey's book Bossypants, she talks about a similar thing happening to her at SNL. It is one of the ways the show explores the way women are treated when they are in a position of power.

7 Adoption ("A Goon's Deed in a Weary World")

Along with Liz's struggling love life, she has also grappled with her complicated feelings about becoming a mother. Though she is a person very dedicated to her professional life, Liz has at times felt the desire to have children.

Instead of getting pregnant, which is a common sitcom storyline, Liz attempted to adopt a child for quite a while during the series. The show did not shy away from exploring the process as long and difficult, especially for a single parent. In the end, Liz and her husband Criss adopt a boy and a girl.

6 Grief ("My Whole Life Is Thunder")

You would be hard-pressed to find any mainstream show, no matter how silly, that does not deal with death at some point. It is a common storyline on television and has been dealt with humorously before. 30 Rock managed to talk about losing a loved one in a bittersweet way.

RELATED: 10 Shows To Watch If You Like 30 Rock

After losing his mother, Jack decides the best way to deal with his grief is by writing the best eulogy ever. His complicated relationship with his mother is further explored, as well as the notion of burying grief inside one's self. It makes for one of the show's most touching moments.

5 Negative Stereotypes ("The Break-Up")

Tracy Jordan is the show's loose cannon. The unpredictable and outrageous star of TGS makes for some of the wildest moments in the show. However, his ridiculous behavior also starts the discussion on more serious subjects.

In Season 1, Tracy finds himself at odds with Toofer, a black writer on the show who takes offense to Tracy's style of comedy. The episode explores the idea of black comedians pandering to offensive stereotypes to entertain white audiences. It's a controversial subject the show isn't afraid to talk about.

4 Climate Change ("Greenzo")

Climate change is one of the top political subjects being discussed in modern politics. While it is an increasingly concerning issue facing our society, 30 Rock raised awareness without taking things too seriously.

As part of a "green initiative" at NBC, Jack hires a mascot named Greenzo to speak about climate change and what people can do to help the environment. However, the idea of protecting the Earth goes to Greenzo's head and he begins to go on a power trip. With an appearance from Al Gore as well, the episode was able to talk about the issue in a lighthearted way.

3 Islamophobia ("Somebody to Love")

Liz Lemon likes to think of herself as a progressive person, but even she has moments of prejudice. Upon meeting her Middle Eastern neighbor, Liz begins to get unsettling vibes from him. While she wants to believe she wouldn’t judge someone based on where they come from, Liz can’t shake the thought that the man might be a terrorist.

RELATED: 30 Rock: 10 Storylines That Were Never Resolved

Of course, Liz is proven wrong, but not before reporting the man to Homeland Security. The New York-set show touched on these racist perceptions that came about following the 9/11 attacks.

2 Gender Identity ("Game Over")

Nowadays, the subject of gender identity is becoming more widely discussed. While some shows might have made fun of such life choices, 30 Rock touched on them in sensitive and heartwarming ways.

Jenna’s boyfriend Paul is shown to be a cross-dresser, but he explains that it is just something he does to feel comfortable with himself. In another instance, Jack’s private detective Lenny goes undercover as a woman ,which leads to him deciding he would rather live life as a woman going forward. It’s a refreshingly matter-of-fact way to discuss gender identity.

1 Homophobia ("Idiots Are People Two!")

Though it was an outrageous comedy, 30 Rock wasn't completely immune to controversy. Fans may recall that Tracy Morgan got a lot of heat late in the show's run after making some homophobic statements while onstage at a comedy show. While some called for Morgan to be fired, 30 Rock addressed the controversy by incorporating it into the show.

In Season 6, Tracy is criticized for making homophobic remark,s which angers Liz. The show managed to give voice to those who were offended by Morgan's remarks and criticize Morgan himself for making them, all within the show.

NEXT: 30 Rock: Every Season Finale, Ranked

source https://screenrant.com/30-rock-episodes-tackle-serious-deep-issues-tv/