#they're only temporary

[punkpinkpower]

Sometimes I just want things to go back to how they were with certain people, so badly. But life does not stop, and you can't go back.

[sneckoil]

playing house. when house isn't around. (as overburdened friends do)

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

You're cornered, a blade held tight to your neck ready to slice and cut should you be anything but good and perfect and useful. Your teeth are bared, too sharp and trying desperately to bite the hand that feeds you - trying desperately to bite and kill something that will let you escape from this hell of repetition.

You're dangerous - yet you break so easily. You're a loyal soldier who does as they're told and asked - yet you're beginning to doubt the man you stand beside. You're loyal to a terrible, terrible fault - but having to kill your friends is one step too far over the edge you're teetering on. Maybe it was good, maybe it will get you the praise you desperately strive for, but standing atop your house sobbing and breaking down - trying so desperately to convince yourself this is temporary and good and *you're not a bad person*, doesn't really hold that same impression.

There's blood on your hands again - more permanent and literal than it was with Momboo, and deeper and darker and a harder stain to scrub than it was with Ocie. It seeps into your gloves like an infection slowly rotting away your bones - rotting away *you.* It stains them a deep, deep red; a color so deep that won't come clean from the canvas. It stains your hands pink, dyeing them red in a way that won't come clean - won't come *off* - no matter how hard you scrub.

You keep trying and trying and *trying* - and you just keep failing. There is no being good in this - there are other ways; pleasing the person holding your best friend above your head isn't going to get you anywhere - because there is no, there never has been, any friend to bring back. It's temporary, you tell yourself, and yet you can't even convince yourself of that.

There are asterisks upon asterisks attached to your words; so many unsaid "right?"s that attach themselves to the ends of your sentences. Worries and questions and fears you don't voice yet permeate your actions; moving your birds away from your bed to the safety of a tower because you're so so terrified the hands made to hurt and harm and *kill* will do so upon something so innocent. So terrified you'll hurt the only things still willing to try and help and protect you. You're worried, so terrified, that these hands that were made for killing - that were *made* to be stained with blood - will do so; that they will follow through with their intended purpose. The unsaid terror that your hands, the ones made with the distinct purpose to harm and bleed, will kill and rot and decay until there is nothing of your friends, and your family, and yourself.

You're terrified - bareing too sharp teeth at anyone who dares try to help. You're a cornered animal, not afraid to bite and harm - but only doing so out of fear. A raptorous bird they call you, your brother a drake cornered - but aren't you, too, cornered? Only raptorous out of necessity for survival, shoved much too far into a too-small corner with a too sharp blade held to your neck - prepared to take your life without much of a second thought.

Raptorous you are, Icarus, but too are you cornered and terrified. Your hands stained red with the blood of a friend and the blood of family. You can't scrub them clean, not anymore, not *like this* - but gods, how you will try. (And gods, how you will fail.) You will try so desperately to convince yourself; and fail and break and *shatter* because you can't. It's temporary, you tell yourself, but the cracks start to show and the doubt starts to creep and the tears start to *fall* - and suddenly there is no coming back from this.

[tekatonic]

concept : sonic fangame in which sonic somehow gets stuck in his super form and has to collect rings in each stage so that the emeralds don't KILL HIM by feeding off his life force instead of the rings, all the while looking for a solution to the problem

[wildflowercryptid]

all i can think about rn is the art club gang ( juliana, mela, amarys & kieran. ) if i hadn't had to take a benadryl earlier and feel too tired to do anything, i'd be doodling them rn.

[slightlytoastedbagel]

I still don't fucking understand ruikasa

[corallapis]

things i am thinking about... the way turlough talks to ileana both out of Jealousy and, i fear, bc he actually believes that the doctor might leave someone (him) behind if they make the wrong choice. how long have they been travelling together in planet of fire when he sabotages the tardis to stop the trion ship signaling & then blatantly lies to the doctor’s face about it? because he still can’t say anything abt his past? boy he FORGAVE you for the black guardian thing. he keeps choosing you even though he knows you’re a coward & a liar & a sneak. what are you still so ashamed of?? why are you running??? AND THEN! when he is forced to tell the doctor a very limited (& possibly sanitized?) summary of his past, he leaves even though he doesn’t want to go. do you think he’s preempting the doctor???? leaving so the doctor won’t tell him to? god. i know i’m way extrapolating here but it would explain why it literally looks like he’s walking off to the gallows even though he says the words ‘my exile has been rescinded’

[frenchifries]

the thing is, after spending basically my whole life with psychiatric medications being utterly non-functional for me, i had lost all ability to comprehend the concept of "experience negative symptom -> take med -> symptom goes away -> this is a good thing"

so now that i'm taking clonazipan for my anxiety and it's actually working i'm like. oh. this is bad. i am now dependent on this drug to feel ok when i wake up in the morning and help me fall asleep at night, when i should just be able to power through without help like i've done my whole life.

nevermind that i only ever take half a pill at a time when the prescription actually calls for "2 pills a day as needed" i still feel like i'm doing something wrong. doesn't help that it was prescribed to me over a year ago and i don't see a psychiatrist anymore so i'm like. wait am i technically taking this recreationally? without a doctor's orders? is this a crime? if i ask my GP to renew the scrip will she think i'm an addict and get mad at me?

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

Radovid from the show and Radovid from the game are not the same character

they are both based on a paragraph of information from the book that mentions that there is a character named Radovid that will be king in the future - that it

ahhh okay, i do need to add the witcher books to my tbr pile soon. regardless! i am still so obsessed with the angst potential here. either show radovid is on his way to becoming what he is in the game (which, like, i've only played a portion of the witcher 3 so far so my knowledge is limited, but boy howdy it sure seems like things are lining up that way) or, OR, the show is an alternate universe in which radovid has the potential to become what he is in the game, but maybe things could pan out differently. maybe he can make a few better choices this time around. maybe those better choices are inspired by jaskier. who knows!

i'm just burning with the vaguest of possible fic ideas here for the show post-season-3. like, radovid's just watched his brother die and he's struggling to rule a country he never expected to (and never WANTED to) rule in the first place. he misses his brother and he misses jaskier and he's traumatized from the attack on aratuza and he can't focus on any of that because he has shit to do, and then he finds out that his advisor, his brother's advisor, is the one who killed his brother and caused all of this, and now he's not just in mourning and a little heartsick, he's fucking furious, and god! it's so easy to take that out on phillippa and then project it onto sorcerers everywhere! it's so easy to hate sorcerers and elves and the whole stupid war and just kick them all out of the castle and then the country and lock up the doors and wait until this whole thing ends! it's so easy!

but then you have jaskier, who's neck deep in this war between his work as the sandpiper and the fact that the people he loves most in the world are at the center of all of it, and, like, i don't know man! does jaskier catch wind of the king of redania being murdered and his brother being crowned king? does he get a chance to intervene early? does he not find out any of this until he starts hearing about hate crimes against elves and mages in redania? what happens then? i don't know! but i know it will hurt me!

maybe. okay run with me on this one. maybe a few months after everything jaskier hears bits and pieces about what's going on in redania. maybe he gets a few exaggerated stories and can't tell what's real and what isn't: radovid's banned all magic users and nonhumans from the capital, radovid himself is hosting mass burnings at the stake for any mages caught within city limits, they say he gouged his former advisor's eyes out in vengeance for his brother, etc, etc, and jaskier's like. okay back up. this isn't the radovid i know. i need to go talk to him. but he can't send letters when they're on the run, and how could radovid answer anyway without knowing where they are? so jaskier convinces yen or ciri to portal him directly into the castle. and maybe some shenanigans ensue. this is where things get really vague in my head and why i haven't written it yet, but maybe....? maybe something goes wrong with the magic? maybe they end up both portalled somewhere else and have to, like, fight for their lives while also dealing with this massive rift in ideals that's suddenly opened up between them. bonus points for jaskier being a worried mess over not knowing how to get back to ciri the entire time. idk man there's something juicy here i just gotta figure out how to shape it

[dyed-indigo]

saw this post, immediately drew crusker as horses. wahoo!

[dwtdog]

it is interesting! i can't even name a single org that isnt drama free. like content creation has been around for a good while now or forms of it and yet we still don't really have structure for a lot of it which is crazy but most people i guess aren't in orgs or teams of any kind so i guess it makes sense. but wow its still very unprofessional and act like its not a full time job it can be + whatever else people are doing. i also think there should be a minimum age requirement of at least 17 and up maybe even higher then that because especially these younger cc's have 0 clue about its a job and have deluded thoughts about content creation. like its not a hollywood actor type of gig it can simply be people sitting in their parents basement with a camera. which is another aspect of people not understanding the nuance these are real people as well because yeah they are famous but they still are people. sorry i just completely rambled but theres so many thoughts about this honestly

-🐓

it's interesting for sure! i think the thing that may end up pushing the creation of actual legislation and enforced limitations is growing concerns of parents using their children in content, which is a problem with the entertainment industry at large but its seen more in content creation bc it just. happens so fucking much

[r029]

I don't do drugs for "fun" I do them so shit stops. I just want everything to stop.

[torterragarden]

idk why I'm having such a hard time adjusting to my new work schedule. I just want to go back to my old project 😭

[introspectivememories]

jonjay is very hallmark-esque in the sense that jay would move to a small countryside town to find himself and he hates it at first because this town has nothing but the sweet farmer boy takes him under his wing and shows him the beauty of slow living with bonus points for a scene where jon is like "i hope you choose this place. i hope you choose us" and timber is very rom-com coded in the sense that they would have a big blowout fight where they both storm out of the apartment, complete with a "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT'S WHY!" before running back to each other and kissing in the rain

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

the thing is. it's really not much of a fixit!

[unsettlingcreature]

ok I know everyone complains emails but there is no greater joy in my life than emailing somewhere that's been like "hey >:( why haven't you done this >:(" and being able to be like "oh actually, I called up ^_^ turns out that I couldn't do it because you fucked up! that's ok, I've gone out of my way to remedy this problem. let me know if there's anything else I can do to help in future!" it's cathartic. after they've fucked me over so much already? yeah. it feels great.