#thinking about how my best friend and I swore we’d get each other through hell

[dragon-with-a-tophat]

Thinking about how much I love my friends :) if you’re my friend I love u and if you are not my friend (yet) I still love u!!!!

[jesssssssssica]

strangers max, that’s all we had to be. we could’ve, no should’ve just ignored each other in the paddock and yet we didn’t. why?

why couldn’t we have just left each other alone and just thought of each other as just another face in the crowd? i know we’d be much happier if we had left it at that. but we didn’t and we were such idiots.

we were meant to be strangers, nothing more nothing less. that’s what we were meant to be, we were meant to be just two stars that shined in the same sky but did not do anything with each other. we were meant to just get on with our lives and not remember each other and just continue to love our partners and yet we couldn’t.

instead we were like two magnets and we couldn’t help but speak to each other, reeling each other in and get infatuated with one another by our words, hell i was hooked by your first hello.

we were at the most meant to be just two friends that chatted occasionally, not two people rushing away to cleaning closets and kissing each other so quickly that it was as if our lips had barely touched yet held so much meaning.

we were meant to be two people who were both in a happy and healthy relationship. two people that were dedicated to showing their partner they loved them, not two people that would think of the other whilst lying in the bed of the one that was dedicated to them and them only.

though it was wrong we didn’t feel bad when we were cuddled up in each other's arms, blocking out the world around us, but we did feel the guilt pulsing through our veins when we would meet at an event, arms around our partner, wearing the fake smile and using the fake laugh. no, it wasn’t fair to them, especially when they thought we were just friends, no not even that when they thought we were just two strangers.

i remember whispering frantically down the phone to you max, about how we should just call everything off. i remember how you tried to comfort me as best as you could even though you were so far away, telling me things that warmed my heart and yet at the same time made me want to throw something in anger. why when i need to push away from you, must you always make me want to come running back to you? god, i must sound like a teenage girl going through her first real relationshi-.

first real relationship. that’s what lando is to me, my first real relationship, one that started when we were thirteen to now when we were twenty-three. god, what a fun decade that’s been. i remember how i was so in love with him that i would speak about you constantly with my friends and the number of times i spoke to them friends about him must’ve driven them up the walls sometimes.

i remember how when we were twelve, he liked some other girl and i was so devastated that i cut my hair short, just like hers and instead of making it shoulder length, i cut it to just below my ears, making it look like a bob. of course i was in tears because of my new hairdo that i nearly forgot about the whole “lando’s in love with another girl” but then he sat down next to me and hugged me and said “your hair looks nice like that”. that was the day i knew i was in love.

i remember how when i was nineteen when lando was really going through the ranks, i was so jealous of all the beautiful women that would always cheer him on and touch his arm whilst laughing obnoxiously. i hated that and yet lando would always be there for me, whispering sweet nothings to me, reminding me that no matter what he would always be there as long as i was there for him.

he was lando norris. my lando norris. the first boy to ever tell me that he loved me. lando norris who would make me laugh even on the darkest days. lando norris who would make me go mad, making me scream and shout till i was on the verge of losing my voice and yet would always manage to calm and soothe me. lando norris who swore when we were fifteen that he would marry me one day and that as soon as he was able to buy the perfect ring then he would propose. the lando norris that will forever be in my heart, my soulmate.

now look at me, betraying the one person i know loves me for everything that i am, the one that’s been there with me through my highs and lows whilst i sleep with men that aren’t him, making him believe that i’m just out having a girl's night.

even though i’m doing this behind his back over and over again, i still love him. am i fucked in the head? maybe. how can i still love a man and yet put him through such pain?

he can never find out. we’re just strangers max that’s it and even though every time i look into your eyes and am forced to remember everything we did, we have to pretend we’re just two strangers, nothing more, nothing less.

for lando and for kelly.

even though i feel so much pain whenever i see you and her share a quick peck, lando always seems to be the medicine i need to make me feel better, better than anyone can ever make me feel.

and even though i feel so happy when you tell me you would give up everything that you have with kelly for me, i’m always reminded that it’s not possible, it’s just not. we’d never be happy, not really and there is a limit to how many smiles you can fake without reaching your breaking point and we’d be the people to discover just how high that number is.

so maybe we should stop, as much as i love our meetings in secret, the thrill of sneaking around, we have to stop. not just for lando and kelly but for ourselves.

because i’m in love with lando and i always will. what we had was great but it’s made me realise that we were just two people that just needed a bit of fresh air before returning back to their lives. i will always remember what we had, how you would always kiss me with so much passion and how you would always take care of me first, you’ll always be there in the back of my mind.

and maybe someday i will tell lando about the stranger that i snuck around with but i will never tell him it was you.

because to me you are just a stranger.

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

Just So I Could Call You Mine - Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader part 3

A/N: It's finally here!! I'm sorry the wait was so long but I'm hoping it'll be worth it. I'd just like to thank @ya-boi-is-dead for the inspiration for this fic. Please enjoy:)

Warnings: Swearing

*** = time skip

Word Count: 2744

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Things with Aaron had been going great. After the incident at Rossi’s, we decided to take things slow but, us being who we were, fell right back into the pattern of things. Most weekends were spent with each other whether it was going for coffee, a stroll in the park, or (more often than not) we just stayed home enjoying each other’s company once again. We tried to hold off from telling the team to start with as we didn’t want the pressure of them knowing to somehow hinder things but trying to hide a relationship from a group of profilers is like trying to hide from an unsub behind a glass door. Impossible. When they all inevitably found out, Aaron got an earful from the lot of them considering how things went last time, but I can honestly say, he’s not going to hurt me. The one person we’ve decided it’s absolutely essential not to tell is the mega bitch herself – Haley. I can’t risk Aaron losing Jack for being in a relationship with me, I’d never forgive myself. So, while Haley knows me and Aaron are back on good terms, everything else is hidden from her.

I jolted upright as an alarm sounded right next to my head. I fumbled around beside me trying to find my phone to shut it off. As I pulled my phone towards me, JJ’s name flashed in my face.

“Oh my god finally, where the hell are you? Is Hotch with you?” She said sounding frustrated.

“What do you mean?” I replied, my voice heavy with sleep. As I was talking, I felt an arm snake around my waist pulling me backwards. Aaron buried his head in the crook of my neck, sighing happily. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to hang up the phone, cuddle up to him and just stay there forever. However, this being my life – that was not going to happen.

“You were meant to be here half an hour ago. Hotch has a meeting this morning that starts in 20 minutes and neither of you are anywhere to be seen.” JJ explained. That woke me up. I looked at the clock. 10:00. Shit.

“Aaron.” I jabbed him with my elbow causing him to groan while pulling me closer to him. “Aaron, seriously wake up. We’re so late. You have a meeting today.” I hissed. He shot up right.

“What?” He looked at the clock. “Fuck. What happened to the alarm?” He asked, rushing to get out of bed.

“I don’t know, we must have forgotten to set it.” I replied. “Okay Jayje we’re on our way, we’ll be there asap. See you soon.” I said hanging up the phone. Aaron tumbled into the bathroom, pulling his trousers on before grabbing his toothbrush. I pulled my shirt over my head whilst frantically trying to find my hairbrush.

“I can’t believe we let this happen.” I called out, trying not to laugh.

“I know, I could’ve sworn I set the alarm.” He replied.

“I mean we were a bit, well – preoccupied – last night.” I joked. He shot me a smirk before his face dropped.

“Fuck.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“I was meant to take jack to school today. He has a late start and Haley said she couldn’t make it. But I’ve got to the get to this meeting.” He dropped his head in his hands.

“Where is he now?” I questioned.

“He should still be at Jess’s, he stayed over last night.” He replied, doing his tie up.

“Well, I can grab him if you want. I can afford to be a few more minutes late to the office.” I offered. He shot me an uncertain look.

“Won’t that look a bit strange? If you turn up they might think somethings going on” he said. I stepped closer to him.

“I can just say I’m doing a favour for a friend. I’ll even throw in there that the rest of the team were busy, so I was a last resort if you want.” I suggested. He chuckled at my words but still looked hesitant.

“What’s on your mind Aaron?” I placed my arms round his neck as his gravitated towards my waist. He sighed.

“I just don’t want to risk things going wrong again. I don’t think I could handle losing you again.” He confessed. My heart melted. It gave me comfort to know he was serious about us this time.

“I get it. But I can promise you this. You are not going to lose me again, okay? I’m in this for the long haul. Not even the queen of manipulation herself can take me away from you.” I said, cupping his face in my hands. A smile graced his lips, one that I only ever saw at home. One that made me feel safe.

“But if you want me to call Emily and ask her to pick him up, I will.” I continued.

“No. I want you to go. Jack loves you anyway.” He replied before pulling me into a kiss. It was a whirlwind, one that I never wanted to break from. But considering neither of us had left the house yet – I was forced to.

“Okay, come on we need to leave.” I said grabbing my coat and heading outside. I gave him a quick kiss before jumping in my car and heading to Jess’ place.

*****************************************************************

The ride there was relatively quick considering I’d stayed at Aarons, and she only lived about 15 minuets away. I knew Jess quite well, and we got along. She’d never had an issue with me unlike her sister. But I couldn’t help from feeling slightly anxious as I knocked on the door. However, the last thing I expected was to see was the person I’d been trying my best to avoid.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Haley questioned, raising her brow at me. I swallowed nervously. Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t intimidate me. I mean she’s the human equivalent to a chihuahua – mouthy as fuck but tiny. I just didn’t want to say anything that might jeopardise Aaron.

“Hey Haley, I’m here to take Jack to school. Hotch was running late for a meeting and didn’t think you were available. The rest of the team were busy, so he called me.” I said calmly. She looked me up and down, judging me heavily.

“A likely story. You’re not his mum you know, just because your suddenly all friendly with Aaron.” She said applying as much emphasis as she could onto his name. “It means nothing outside of work.” I could tell she was trying to provoke some type of reaction out of me, but me being the stubborn bitch I am, wasn’t about to give her what she wanted. Instead, I opted for a more entertaining route.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry.” I gushed. “If you ever thought I was overstepping I’m apologise, that was never my intent.” I said my voice oozing with as much fake soppiness I could handle. She rolled her eyes before walking away.

“I can’t believe he still tolerates you” She muttered. I’m assuming she was referring to Hotch. Before I could think on it any longer, Jack can bounding towards me.

“Y/N” He called happily.

“Hey little man” I replied bending down to wrap my arms around him. The happiness this kid brought me was insane.

“You ready for school?” I asked standing back up.

“Yep. We’re making decorations for the class today. We’re having a party on Friday” He replied, beaming up at me.

“That’s amazing buddy. Let’s get you there right away then shall we?” I replied.

“Okay. Bye mum.” He called before grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the car. I didn’t get a chance to see Haley’s face as we left but I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my head. Well, that was fun.

***********************************************************************

The rest of the day went fine, despite the rushed start. Luckily Hotch had made it in time for his meeting. We didn’t have a case today, so it was a pretty lazy day. I spent most of it either pestering Emily or gossiping with Garcia. I guess, technically, there was some paperwork I could’ve been doing but my ideas were so much more fun.

“I’m telling you now Garcia, I swore we’d set an alarm.” I said between laughter.

“Well, it’s nice to know he’s satisfying you this time round.” She quipped.

“Hey, satisfaction was never an issue” I replied. Her eyes widened mischievously.

“So” She begun. “He’s good in bed then?” She asked, twirling her fluffy pen in between her fingers as she leant back in her chair.

“Pen, I love you, but I’m not discussing this with you right now. We’re in a professional workspace.” I said, a fake authoritative tone laced in my voice. She shot me a look of pretend annoyance but before she could say anything Emily burst through the door.

“You alright there Em?” I asked turning to face her.

“You guys might wanna come and see this” she said before turning and walking back out the way she came. I swapped a confused look with Garcia before getting up and following Emily. The team was stood in the bullpen, not-so-subtly starring into Hotch’s office.

“What’s going on?” I asked Spencer. He just gestured at the window. I looked up and saw a very pissed off looking Haley standing in front of an equally pissed off Aaron. They were having a rather heated debated (argument) by the looks of things.

“Why is she here?” Garcia piped up. “We don’t know. She just showed up and barged in.” Derek replied. I felt my face flush red as my heart sunk.

“Hey.” Spencer nudged me with his elbow. “What’s wrong?” He questioned.

“I think it’s my fault.” I muttered. This caught the team’s attention, but before anyone could ask me about it, Haley stormed out of his office.

“No, I’m not having this Aaron. This isn’t fair” She yelled.

“You’re being unreasonable. I was running late, and you said you were busy. What did you expect me to do?” He replied, aggravated. Fuck, this was about me.

“You could have called anyone else. Not the woman who’s been trying to squeeze her way into my son’s life. She’s trying to replace me god dam it.” I felt the team’s eyes on me, but I refused to look at them. Aaron glanced at me before replying to Haley.

“You need to quit the bullshit Haley. Y/N knows full well that you are Jack’s mother, and she would never do anything to undermine or replace you. Stop trying to pin this all on her when she’s been nothing but nice to you.” He’d finally had enough of her and I’m not ashamed to admit that I was glad. It made my heart swell with pride to hear how he was defending me. That feeling didn’t last long as Haley’s shrill voice pulled me from my thoughts.

“Nice to me?? Aaron have you lost your mind?” She stepped towards him, placing her hands on his chest. This pissed me off. I went to go forward but JJ grabbed my arm.

“Do you not remember what she did? The phone call? She told everyone about you Aaron. I wouldn’t do that to you.” She blinked up at him, clearly trying to win him over. That was enough.

“No, you’d just shag some other guys behind his back wouldn’t you Haley” I called, shaking JJ’s hand from me. I walked up the stairs and stood next to Aaron, who’d pushed her hands away at this point.

“I would never do that. Aaron, listen to her spinning these lies about me.” She protested.

“Seriously Haley? Come off it. You’re making yourself look like a right twat. We all know you cheated, and we all know your just trying to ruin everything good in Aaron’s life because your bitter that he has a life outside of you. So just accept that he’s moved on and leave.” I said, trying my hardest not to yell at her.

“Honestly.” She scoffed. “At least I didn’t expose his secrets to the whole team. You might want to work on keeping your mouth shut. As well as your legs, it’s not attractive to sleep around the office you know honey.” She shot. It took everything inside of me not to smack the bitch right there.

“First of all, stop with the fucking lies okay. I told Aaron what really happened with that phone call. The fact that you tried to turn my own boyfriend against me purely to satisfy your own crazy, possessive fantasies is the most delusional fucked up thing you could have possibly done. He doesn’t love you anymore. When will you get that into your thick skull” I yelled. Safe to say I’d lost it. Haley just starred back at me, unable to talk. “Nobody wants you here. Grab your shit and get out.” I spat. This seemed to snap her back into reality. She shifted her eyes from me to Aaron.

“You are never going to see Jack again.” She hissed. She turned to walk away but I stepped in front of her.

“What was that?”

“I said he’s never going see jack again. I’m taking him to court and making sure I get full custody. If he’s choosing to side with you, there’s no way in hell I’m letting my son be in his life.” She explained, her tone was viscous.

“On what grounds are you going to take him to court for?” I pressed. This caught her off guard. “No please do tell me. Because as far as I’m aware, you don’t have a leg to stand on. Aaron has done nothing to prove he’s a bad father or should be denied custody. He has a house, a clean background, a stable career – I mean hell, he probably earns more than you. So, think about it, do you really want to kick up a big fuss for something you probably wont even win?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to string a sentence together but her words fell short. “Exactly. Now, Aaron will be picking Jack up later and we will bring him home tomorrow. Now, leave.” I concluded, a satisfied smile on my face. Haley glanced from me to Aaron, dumbfounded, before grabbing her bag and storming out. As soon as she left, I heard clapping coming from down below. I looked down and saw Derek grinning proudly as he applauded me.

“WHOOOH!” He called.

“Look at you go girl” Penelope jeered joining in. Soon enough the whole team were clapping and cheering up at me. I laughed at them, suddenly becoming shy. All Of a Sudden, I felt an arm snake around my waist, turning me around. Before I could process anything, Aaron had cupped my face in his hands and crashed his lips to mine passionately. My head was spinning. As cliché as it sounds, the rest of the world melted away as I allowed myself to get lost in the heat of the kiss. It was laced with nothing but love. Eventually, we pulled away from each other, but he pressed his forehead to mine. He wore a boyish, heart-warming smile on his lips.

“I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.” He whispered. The sincerity in his voice shocked me.

“I-I love you too. I’m sorry to have caused a scene I just couldn’t stand to see her all over you like that and she was-“ I rambled but he cut me off by placing a finger to my lips.

“Shh. You did nothing wrong. Thank you. For everything.” He replied. I pulled away slightly and grinned up at him.

“Anytime love, anytime.” We starred into each other’s eyes for a moment longer. His arms round my waist, mine around his neck – just basking in our love for each other for a brief moment.

“Um guys, this is cute and all, but could you just get a room or something?” Rossi called, causing us all to laugh.

“Come on.” Aaron said, lacing his fingers in mine. “Let’s go home.” I’d never felt happier than I did it that moment. The moment I knew I’d be with him forever.

[buckyownsmylife]

Secret Love Song - Matthew Gray Gubler smut

The one where there’s only one bed and you’re dripping wet.

Warnings: smut, p in v, no foreplay on this one, unprotected sex (do not recommend), idiots in love, 1 bed trope, curses, dirty talk

A/N: Day 9 of kinktober prompts: 1 bed and see-through clothes!

Matthew’s P.O.V.

I should have known that bringing her out here would be a mistake. I’d done it with the best of intentions, of course, but now that we were alone, in the middle of the woods, in a cabin with a single bed while a storm raged outside the wooden walls, I couldn’t really remember my own reasoning.

Why did I think a weekend getaway alone with my best friend would help me get over my not-so-platonic feelings for her? 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” I tried again, scratching the back of my neck while I tried very hard to ignore the way her white dress clinged to her beautiful body, the rain making it more transparent than any innocent clothing item should be. “I swear, the description said there were two rooms! I don’t know what happened…”

I was beyond frustrated with the whole situation, much more than it was rationally justified, but I’d been struggling with trying to keep appearances with the woman I was very quickly falling in love with, and this whole situation wasn’t helpful in the slightest.

“Matthew,” she called my attention, a cold hand suddenly on my forearm, making me look at her in the eyes for the first time in a while. “Relax, it’s not a big deal. I mean, you definitely should get a refund when the weekend’s over, but we already drove all the way here and I really don’t want to get out there again right now.”

As if to punctuate what she’d just said, a lightning stroke right outside the main window overlooking the lake we were supposed to hangout on, and she all but jumped on my arms, effectively sticking our wet bodies together. 

“S-sorry,” she whispered, immediately letting go of me, and I found myself shivering more from the coldness that the absence of her touch brought than the iciness I should have felt by having the wet fabric of her dress against me. “I just really hate lightning,” she explained, avoiding my eyes as she looked around the floor we were dripping all over, and I couldn’t help but to smile.

“I know.” That made her look up at me again, and for a second, nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said. It was one of those moments where words felt absolutely meaningless, and time seemed unreal, as she stared back at me with those bright eyes I loved so much. “Of course I know. I’m your best friend.”

Way to break my own moment.

Clearing my throat, I destroyed the connection by looking around the room in the hopes of finding anything that could distract me from how much I wanted to kiss her right now. “Hey, so, do you want to take a shower?”

She took a second to answer, but when she did, I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, through my throat. “With you?”

My head whipped around to look back at her so quickly that I swore I got whiplash. “What? N-no! I-I just meant, y-you should probably get on the shower already, I don’t want you getting a cold…”

She was pressing her lips so tightly they were starting to look pale, and it made me stop talking all at once. “You were kidding,” I realized, and then her giggles escaped, warming up the room and my heart at the same time.

“Of course I was, Matthew. But would it be so bad?” My eyes grew twice their size at her question, until she started laughing again. “Oh my God, what is going on with you? Why are you acting so awkwardly around me, Gube?”

Groaning, I ran a hand through my wet curls, looking up at the ceiling in the hopes of finding the courage to get through the night. “You’re gonna be the death of me, Y/L/N. Go. Under the shower, please.”

She was still giggling as she picked up her backpack, stopping on the threshold of the bathroom door to look back at me and say, “Ok, but I’ll be waiting for you.” And with a wink, she was gone. 

I gawked at the closed door for a long time, trying to understand what the hell was happening, if she was still joking or if she really wanted me to follow her into the bathroom. I hadn’t heard the sound of the door locking when she closed it, but could that really mean that she wanted to…?

I spent so much time staring at the stupid freaking door that I only realized how long I was standing there like an idiot when I heard her twist the doorknob, appearing right where I’d last seen her right after.

“You’re still there?” She asked, looking sincerely worried about me while drying her hair off with a towel. Before she could approach and make my head even more screwed up than it already was with the smell of her shampoo, I jumped into action, grabbing my own backpack and taking long strides towards the bathroom.

“Yeah, just… gonna take a shower now…”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Matthew had been acting weird for at least two months now, and I had no idea what was happening, if I’d done something to offend him or hurt our friendship in someway or another. Just the thought of that being a possibility made me feel physically ill. 

I didn’t want to lose Matthew. That was the whole reason why I’d been trying to keep my feelings for him in control. But now I was wondering if I’d even managed to do that, or if I’d screwed it all up and he was just too great to tell me about how awkward I’d made things between us. 

Because that was the only explanation I could come up with to justify these weird vibes that had taken over the once perfect connection we shared. He’d realized I had a crush on him, and now he didn’t know where to go from here. 

But I wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.

We’d left the curtains open so the moonlight could still illuminate the room a bit, as we made our way to the single bed in the room. Thankfully, it had stopped raining, but the eventual thunder that struck through the room warned us that there was still more to come before we fell asleep.

“Night,” Matthew whispered before turning to the other side, wrapping himself up on the covers that were available to us. My heart hurt as I looked at my best friend and considered all there was to lose if we left things unspoken, unresolved. 

I’d hoped this idea of his to take a trip just the two of us would take away the awkwardness and restore what we had, but it was clear that wouldn’t be the case. Not without some actual effort from at least one of us.

“Matthew,” I started, turning to put one hand on his shoulder, but at the sight of him flinching at my touch, I quickly removed it, dry swallowing at the hurt in my chest. At least, it gave me the strength that I needed to keep on going with this conversation. “We really need to talk.”

I was actually expecting some resistance from his part, but after a few seconds of silence he let out a sigh, pushing away the covers that were over his body and sitting up on the mattress just like I was. 

“Yeah, I think so too.” The room felt heavy, far too uncomfortable with this silence that neither of us seemed to know how to break. Just when I was about to open my mouth to speak, another thunder echoed throughout the room, making me jump on the bed and fall over Matthew.

“I’m sorry,” I said, but we were laughing, and just like that, the mood was shifted and we were back to being best friends again. “I miss you, Gube,” I admitted in a single breath, getting lost in those hazel eyes that I knew so well. I heard it when his breath hitched, but he didn’t push me away, which I considered a win. No, instead, he collected my hands in his and started to rub them with his thumbs, and it felt so good to have his touch on my skin again, so right, that I almost felt like I could cry.

“I know, sweetheart. I missed you too.” I wanted this moment to stretch. I wanted to remain in it forever, I didn’t want to have to break it by starting up the conversation I needed to have, because I didn’t want to face the reality of being in love with my best friend, who would never love me back.

But I knew I couldn’t. I had to be a grown up and deal with this. We needed to talk about it, before it was too late. It was now or never. “I know you know I’m in love with you.” Ok, maybe too abruptly. I could see that by the way his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Look, Gube, it doesn’t have to be weird. I’ve been feeling this way for ages, and if you’ve only noticed these last few months, that means we can get over this. I don’t want to lose you. I want our friendship to stay the same.”

“Wait, wait, wait, hold on. You’re in love with me?” He asked, and now I was confused.

“Of course I am, but you knew that…” Whatever it was that I planned on saying, it was interrupted by Matthew’s hands on each side of my face, his lips on mine. He swallowed whatever it was I intended to say, and he kept swallowing each of my attempts to break us apart where I hoped to understand what was going on. “Matthew, what the hell is going on?” I finally managed to ask when he had to let me go so we could both take a breath. 

Matthew’s P.O.V.

“You love me,” I repeated, like a dumbass, still having the hardest time believing my luck. This amazing woman, who I was lucky enough to call my best friend, actually loved me too. 

“Yes, I do,” she confirmed it, although she was frowning. I knew she was confused, and I wanted to explain what was going on inside my head, what I’d been hiding in my heart for so long now, but I also desperately wanted to kiss her until we both were out of breath again. So before she could ask anything else, I leaned over her, fusing our lips together, and forcing her to lie back over the bed, before I climbed on top of her.

She tasted like the mint toothpaste she had lended me because I’d forgotten mine and I never thought I’d love a simple taste so much. I suppose it was due to her, though. It was because the lips I was currently prying open belonged to the most beautiful woman I knew.

When it came the time to separate again, I opted to keep my lips on her soft skin, first giving her a quick kiss on the cheek - something I’d done countless times before, but it’d never made my heart so full as in that moment. Then I kissed just behind her ear, appreciating the way her breath hitched as I allowed my hands to slowly explore her body, carefully pushing up the t-shirt she had worn to bed.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” I admitted, hearing her moan at my words or at the pressure of my hardened cock against her navel. Just the warmth of her skin was enough to drive me crazy. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Her eyes met mine then, and I could see she was trying to find some sign of mockery on them, but I was too busy wanting to feel her, all of her, against me at last. “I’m in love with you too, Y/N. I’ve been in love with you for so long. Please, let me show you.”

She looked up at me slack-jawed, one of her hands right over my speeding heart on my chest. After what felt like an eternity, she nodded, allowing her body to fall back on the bed, before pushing up my shirt, signaling she wanted it off.

“Please, show me.” I didn’t need to be told twice. After throwing my shirt on the floor, I worked on getting hers off her body, quickly doing the same to her little shorts. Then she was naked in front of me, sprawled over the bed, just like I’d dreamt about so many times before, and I couldn’t believe it.

“You’re so beautiful.” And she was. She was prettier than anything I’d ever seen, more perfect than I’d ever imagine her to be. “I want to kiss every inch of your body.” By the satisfied little sigh she let out as I caressed her body with my hands, stopping to gently grope on her breasts, it didn’t seem like she minded my plan.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Matthew’s stupidly pink lips engulfed my pebbled nipple and I fucking cried out at the warm sensation, even before he began to pull and suck on it. I was just so fucking sensitive, every nerve end on edge at having my best friend touching me like this, saying everything that I’d wanted to hear for so long.

I still couldn’t believe it, but it’s not like I had the time to let it sink in. And I wasn’t crazy enough to stop this from happening. Whatever it may happen in the morning, I was going to allow myself to enjoy this evening, enjoy the feeling of his huge hands running over my body, the weight of his on top of mine, the pressure of his long cock against my lower belly as he subconsciously rutted against my bare pussy, his eyes connected to mine, sparkling with emotions I couldn’t begin to understand. 

“Matthew, please…” I begged, needing to feel him inside of me now. I couldn’t handle the foreplay, not right now, not after how long I’d waited for this. “Please, get inside of me.” That seemed to surprise him, by the way he let go of my breast with a wet sound, still not stopping with his exploration of my body, though.

“Are you sure?” He licked his lips as his hands went lower and lower, until he was cupping my wetness. “I don’t m- Oh.” I had to bite my lip to suppress the giggle that threatened to escape and perhaps ruin the mood at the surprise in my best friend’s face over just how wet I already was. But then he continued to touch me, rubbing his fingers from my hole to my clit before coming back down and pushing two of them in, and I writhed over the covers that had been hastily thrown around the bed, my moans floating around the room. “You’re so fucking wet.”

Hearing Matthew cursing was already an arousing situation for me, but when I was the cause for it and he was knuckle deep inside of me, I felt like I was losing my mind as I jutted my hips up, trying to keep the friction going. 

“Yes,” I whispered, enjoying the lust-filled gaze he was directioning me. 

“Who made you this wet?” He asked, and I swear, if I could, I would have laughed, but as it were, Matthew’s digits brushed right over that special place deep inside of me, and my moans turned into whines. “Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy. Hold your knees, spread them open. I wanna see you while I take off my pants.”

Just being this vulnerable, my glistening pussy completely exposed to him, made me even more wet. I was about to beg him again when his flannel sweatpants suddenly dropped to the ground, and I was looking at the most beautiful cock I’d ever seen. He was already dripping precum, and my mouth watered at the sight, but at the same time, my pussy clenched around nothing, desperately needing that thickness inside of it.

“Just fuck me already, Gubler.” He was on me in a second, one hand rubbing the head of his cock on my clit, while the other caressed my face. I could feel his heavy breathing on my skin, raising goosebumps where it touched.

Matthew’s P.O.V.

“Are you sure about this?” I had to ask. I couldn’t deal with myself if she were to regret this in the morning. “We can stop now, if you want. We can pretend this never happened. But if we go through with this, I won’t be able to let you go. I’m warning you now so you can make your decision.”

When she rolled her eyes, I felt my chest warm up as a huge smile took over my face. “I swear to God, Matthew, if you don’t get your dick inside of me…” I didn’t let her finish, immediately thrusting in until I bottomed out. Her mouth fell open, her thighs automatically closing in around my body.

“You were saying,” I jested, waiting for her to adjust to my intrusion as I nibbled on her earlobe. The only response I got was the thrust of her own hips, signaling that she wanted me to move. “I love you, Y/N,” I whispered in her ear before I abided by her wishes, slowly but passionately starting to fuck her into the mattress.

“I-I love you two, Gube. Fuck, you’re so deep.” I took advantage of her throwing her head back in pleasure to bite on her neck, eliciting the most delicious gasp from her. 

“Yeah? You like how I feel inside your little pussy?” The way she groaned at my words made me smile, prompting me to pick up the speed of my thrusts. “Do you like the way I fuck you, baby? Is it everything you wished for?”

“Yes, yes!” She repeated over and over again, moving her hips to meet my thrusts. “It’s even better, Matthew, fuck!” Sweat was dripping down my forehead and onto her face, and she simply licked it away when it reached her lips.

“I want to stay right here forever,” I warned her, leaning down on my forearms so I could connect our lips once more. “You have the best pussy, God!” Suddenly, she gripped my biceps, carving her nails on my skin. By the way her moans were spilling out of her lips, I knew she was getting close. “You wanna cum, baby? You gonna cum for me? Milk my cum inside this perfect pussy?”

I sneaked a hand between us so I could press my thumb against her clit, drawing quick circles over it, and in seconds, she was trembling, crying out my name as tears spilled from her eyes and I had to grit my teeth to force myself not to shout as I followed her, cumming inside of her.

“We good?” She asked when we were finally able to speak again, our breathing patterns now back to a regular tempo, and I had to laugh. Before throwing myself next to her in bed, I leaned down to kiss her nose and her lips once more, pulling her warm body so she’d cuddle me.

“We’re more than good. We’re together now. It’s perfect.”

[sixx02]

Feelings

Jaune Arc was currently incredibly absolutely totally embarrassed.  He could only watch in shock and horror as his mother was currently gushing over his perfect, wonderful, amazing, splendid, stunning, fantastic friend.  Quite possibly his best friend if he was being honest.  Of course Lie and Nora were his best friends too!  But they were family.  Pyrrha though?  She was something else.  She brought forth a side of him he could never really understand.  Sure he sometimes felt inferior but honestly that wasn’t really a her thing, and he swore he was getting better at it.  Even if he did feel like he was lagging behind all of his family.  

Right he was getting off topic, anyways, as he said horror absolute and utter horror.  His mother was currently grilling Pyrrha for all the details of their current lives.  “Oh my goodness!  You’re absolutely gorgeous!”  He watched as Pyrrha’s alabaster skin tinged pink as his mother picked her up pulling the younger girl into a grizzly like hug.  Jaune felt so many emotions in his chest, one of them had been a surprisingly large amount of sudden relief.  Good his mother liked her, that… that was important he felt.  But then there were so many more emotions!  He hadn’t expected any of this, and even with Pyrrha’s arrival he couldn’t help but eye Oscar.  The poor boy, his heart hurt just thinking of what he must have gone through.

Just like with Nora and Lie, he felt an overwhelming amount of brotherly feelings.  Just thinking that there was another child who lost their family, ‘I need to be stronger’.  He couldn’t help but think to himself, think that he had to help anyone he could.  Snapping out of his daze he watched as his mother was practically strangling Pyrrha.  “Uhm ma.”  There was no answer as she continued to hug the young girl, “Ma!”  He practically shouted at her, causing her to snap out of her child like glee.  

“Oh woopsie!  I’m sorry dearie, I just adore children.”  Understatement of the century, Jaune thought to himself as he heard the footsteps of his other sisters off in the distance.  “Well then, why don’t you all introduce her to me?”  Jaune took center, he didn’t want to give Nora the chance to embarrass him.  He could see the mischievous glee, though he knew that she only had his best interest in heart.  But… but he didn’t want her to do anything till he was sure that he himself felt that way about Pyrrha.  

“Uhm, she’s Pyrrha, Pyrrha Nikos.  She goes to school with us.”  He took a step next to her, one that he knew his mother noticed.  “She’s also our best friend.”  

“She’s Jaune’s bestest friend though.”  Nora said in a matter of factly kind of way.  He knew she didn’t mean any harm, but he saw the way his mother’s eyes shined.  “Oh oh!”  Nora suddenly pounced on Pyrrha, “But she’s my battle sister!”  Jaune eyed his sister and his… his crush yeah.  He could see the curves of her lips tilt upwards.  He loved Nora, she really did know how to bring out the brightest of the room.  

When Nora let Pyrrha go, his mother made a humming sound.  As Lie took his place near them she couldn’t help but smile.  “I’m glad you all are doing well.”  She took a breath, “I assume that you’re here to spend the night?”  

Pyrrha nodded meekly, “Yes ma’am, Jaune invited me over.”  It was obvious his friend worried about making a good impression.  But when she said his name, Jaune just knew that his mother was going to look at him.  And look at him she did.

“Oh, did he really now?”  The smile on her face told him everything he needed to know.  And, well, he nodded.  When her smile shifted to a warmer one he felt his heart calm down.  “Well it’s a pleasure to meet you deary.”  

“Thank you.”  Pyrrha gave his mother a nice bow.  

Once everything had finished, Jaune didn’t miss the looks he was getting from his other sisters who were peaking around the corners.  It was painfully obvious to everyone else, even if he didn’t quite get it yet.  No, he was just fooling himself, Pyrrha was amazing and well… his heart beat rapidly whenever they were close.  

“Why don’t you all go up stairs and enjoy yourselves?”  Nora who was practically bouncing up and down on her heels turned towards Oscar.

“Would you like to join us Oscar?”  Her brilliant smile was nearly blinding, and as her older brother Jaune didn’t feel like he was being biased whatsoever.  The young boy seemed hesitant, but Nora just had a way with kids.  She approached him slowly and smiled warmly, allowing him to let his guard down.  “We’d love to get to know you more.”  

Jaune could see how much she saw her and Lie in him.  Jaune only nodded approvingly, he would also like to get to know their newest little brother.  Though, as they were about to head up, he felt his mother’s hand touch his shoulder.  “Uhm, you guys can go ahead, I’ll catch up.”  Nora and Lie got the hint, heading up first followed by Oscar who decided to join them after all.  

Pyrrha on the other hand watched him worriedly, he simply gave her a warm smile.  Once she seemed satisfied she followed after the trio, dragging her bag alongside her.  Though he didn’t miss the few times that she glanced back at him.  

“Ahem.”  His mother cleared her throat, this was the signal for everyone else to vacate the room.  Which they did, no one crossed their mother.  Jaune turned towards her, their eyes met and he felt a warmth travel across him.  “She is a very pretty girl.”  

He nearly gasped for air, but he knew that this was where the conversation was going to head to.  Still… it didn’t stop him from being anxious, “She… she is.”  He felt his heart thump loudly, his ears beating like drums.  His pulse grew fast as he continued to keep his eyes deadlocked with his mothers.  

“Do you like her?”  And there it was, the question he was dreading.  He just… he wasn’t sure.  He… he wasn’t good at these kinds of things.  Especially with someone as amazing as Pyrrha.  He didn’t deserve… no that wasn’t the right word.  That was… it was stupid thinking right?  At least that’s what he tried to tell himself.  He felt inferior.  Not just to her mind you, but to everyone.  Memories of his past… no Pyrrha wasn’t like her.  She wasn’t like Flanna, she could never be like her. 

“I… I’m not…”  He heard the tapping of her foot on the wooden floor.  She wasn’t going to take half truths.  “I don’t know… I’m just… mom…”  His lip quivered and his throat grew dry.  He just, he did, he did like Pyrrha.  But he wasn’t… he couldn’t, would she even be happy with him?  He knew, he really did that it didn’t matter if he was worthy or not.  That was stupid thinking!  It was stupid thinking, and he was an idiot.  “I… would she even…”  

He stiffened as she pressed her palm against his shoulder.  Her hand tightened around him, “Oh sweetie.  You’re amazing, and I’m not saying that just cause you’re my son.”  His gaze drifted downwards as he shifted awkwardly.  “Honey, I’ve never met anyone who puts half the effort you do into improving yourself.  If you make a mistake you try to correct it, I know… that things hadn’t been easy for you.  Especially with… that incident.  But darling.”  She pulled him into a tight hug.  “You’ll never know if you don’t try to ask.”  

She was right, she really was.  “If you don’t ask, you could miss out on something amazing.  And if you do, and it doesn’t work out?  You could always remain friends.  I know it’s scary, gods know that I panicked when asking out your father.”  

His head snapped back to her, his eyebrow cocking slightly.  “Yes I was the one to ask him, bloody hell, he would never have summed up the courage to ask me.”  A mirthful chuckle escaped her lips as she continued to hold him close.  “Sweetie, I think you’ll be fine.  I’m a good judge of character, and I can see that she’s different.”  

Jaune felt his breath hitch in his chest as he wrapped his arms around his mothers back, his fingers dug into her clothing as he held her tightly.  He was scared, he really was.  But… but Pyrrha wouldn’t mock him, she wouldn’t toy with his feelings.  He… he didn’t need to be worthy of anything other than her own affection.  And if she didn’t see him that way, then it was simply not meant to be.  

He turned his head down one more time and nodded, “Okay.”  Looking back at his mom he felt her hold him close once more.  

“Good luck son.”  Her warm and motherly voice filled him with confidence.  He knew it was odd to get dating advice from his mother, but she has had a long marriage as well as a ton of kids.  If his parents’ relationship was still going well then she must have known something.  

Every step he made up to their shared room was daunting, each step felt closer to his execution.  He could practically feel his heart throbbing in his chest.  Finally he reached the door, his legs locked in place as he felt his breathing become heavy.  He could feel his palms grow sweaty, he couldn’t do this.  He just couldn't. There was no way this would wo-  

His entire world fell to a halt as the door opened before he could even knock.  “Oh hello!”  Pyrrha was in front of him with her hair untied, he’d only ever seen it in a ponytail.  He felt his heart stop and his breathing stilled.  Apparently she noticed the shift in his disposition, “Jaune, are you alright?”  

“Oh uhm!”  He felt the words caught at the edge of his lips.  His tongue twisted as he tried to gather his courage.  Then he caught Nora out of the corner of his eye.  She was smiling brightly, her thumbs lifted up as if to encourage him.  Lie was doing something similar, a soft smile on his face while Oscar sat there confused.  

“Pyrrha?”  

“Yes Jaune?”  The way she tilted her head slightly to the right sent little jolts of joy to his heart.  Oh gosh, he really was going to do this!  He needed to calm himself down, but even as his heart pounded loudly in the middle of his chest, thumping over and over.  He still couldn’t help but feel a sense of joy and excitement.

“Can I uhm. Ouch!”  He bit his tongue slightly.  

“Are you okay?!”  The panic in his voice was oddly endearing.  Placing his hand in front of him he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine… I’m sorry I just… can we talk alone?”  The following silence was agonizing, the way she examined hima s if trying to get a beat on what he was asking.  

Finally she nodded.  

He heard a loud whoop coming from the room as she closed the door behind him.  He needed a good place to ask, taking a slow step he made his way towards the guest room.  The soft thumps of Pyrrha’s steps behind him sent powerful jolts through his mind.  His panic was reaching an all time high as his blood pulsed and beat rapidly in his veins.  He was terrified, but there was now ay that he wasn’t going to do this.  He had to resolve himself, he couldn’t chicken out now.  

Finally they reached the room, opening it so she could go in first he made sure no one was following him.  Thankfully after a few seconds of inspection he didn’t see any of his siblings.  Taking one last deep breath before entering after her, he closed the door.  

“Pyrrha?”  

“Yes Jaune?”  Oh gosh, she was just so amazing.  Even a simple question caused his heart to thump wildly.  

“Pyrrha, we’ve been friends for a few months now, and uhm… you’re… you’re honestly amazing.”  

“Oh!”  Even he could catch the blush off of her porcelain like skin.  His own face grew warm as he tried to calm himself.

“Right, uhm… Pyrrha I…”  Oh god he was getting tongue tied, he felt his eyes flutter as his pulse grew out of control.  He was starting to shake and break out into a cold sweat.  He couldn’t… he couldn’t…

“Jaune?”  He felt a hand wrap around his, his eyes drew upwards catching her gorgeous emeralds.  “Jaune, I’m… I’m not sure what’s going on.”  He didn’t believe that, “But… but… no matter what.  I’m here for you okay?”  Her grip around his hand tightened.  

Right he didn’t need to worry.  “Pyrrha I like you.”  He hadn’t meant for it to come out so… so naturally?  But it had, there was no doubt in his mind that he felt for her, or what he felt for her. “I like you a lot, not in the same way I like Nora or Lie…  I… I really like you.”  

He expected an awkward silence, what he got was him suddenly being pulled into a tight and bone crunching hug.  Air left his lungs as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close.   “Sniff~”  There was a soft sniffle coming from her as she pressed her head into the crick of his neck.  

“Py-Pyrrha?”   Had he done something wrong?!

“I was so worried!”  Her grip tightened around him as she tightened them closer.  “I was so worried you didn’t feel the same.”  

“O...oh!”  OH!  She… she felt the same… she felt the same!  He didn’t, he couldn’t… he wasn’t able to think.  Instead he did all he could think of, his own arms reached around her back pulling her close to one another.  The two of them held one another close for a near 30 minutes, neither wanting to part.  He had placed his own head against hers, delight and joy filled his heart.  And for the first time for as long as he could remember, he felt quite alright.  No, he was better than alright.  He was absolutely happy, ecstatic, joyous even!  

“I’m so happy…”

He wasn’t sure which one of them said it, but it didn’t matter.  Everything felt… it felt like everything would be alright.

[leahseclipse]

An (un)usual surprise

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender neutral Reader

Category: Comfort

Warnings: Adoption, fluFf, onlY flufF

Summary: During the team’s usual dinner party at Rossi’s house, Reader and Spencer both have an exciting surprise to announce to the team.

Requested by @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff​

A/N: I apologize ksksksksk, i dont know anything about adoption stuff- but here we go, my first gendEr nEutrAl fiC :D

Word count: 2.2 k

You had always appreciated Rossi’s dinner parties, he had been welcoming with you since the first time you had gone here with Spencer; it had been a long week, and since you haven’t been able to see him; he had thought it’d be a great occasion for you to see each other.

It had been two years since you had grown closer to them, they had eventually become family as well; you began to understand why Spencer liked them so much. 

It had taken him a bit of time to get you to introduce you to them, the team had apparently heard rumors of Reid having a partner, but other than that, nothing much; he was quite personal when it came to his private life; and with the job he was doing, he didn’t want anything to happen in case someone would attempt at harming you. 

Although the chances of this scenario happening were quite slim, he still preferred to be careful about it, no matter how many times you would convince him to think of the opposite. 

When he had decided for you to come with him, his coworkers apparently convinced him a bit after he had told, seeing how nervous and excited he seemed earlier in the day. He hadn’t stopped thinking of it: Spencer at thought that it could be the perfect occasion, and that with his work, it wouldn’t have been much sooner; so he had called you the day before; at 11pm, suddenly asking if you wanted to meet his friends, just like that. He hadn’t told you what he had been thinking about, but he probably was afraid that you’d decline because of whatever reason that could refrain you from attending the party. 

His call had surprised you since you were half asleep from the long day you had, but you had nonetheless accepted the invite, since you hadn’t anything planned that day. The next words had been nothing but an ocean of apologies when he had found that he had woken you up, resulting in you trying to get him to calm down as you had assured that it wasn’t much of a big deal. 

Even with your groggy state you didn’t seem much excited, you really were. It had been a while since he had begun talking about them, when they were on cases, at the office, whatever his mind contained, which had made you more and more excited at each of his words whenever you’d ask about them, or when he’d bring them in the conversation, whether you were at his apartment or on the phone.

You often were more on the phone than at your respectives homes because of how much time his work was taking, resulting in the both of you not seeing each other for a week sometimes, you had gotten used to it, even if it had made you a bit sad not to see him. You didn’t want him to know it, he had enough stress from his work, you didn’t need to add much worry than he already had; even if he insisted for you to tell whatever you felt like, even if you were in a bad mood while he was working, he always felt the need to know how you felt, in order to try his best to make you feel better as he couldn’t be with you. 

A year after you met the team, it was between two cases that he had decided to propose to you. He only had a couple days with you before another case would make him busy again. You both were in his apartment, watching whatever was on tv at 9pm. He had pretended to go to your bedroom to grab another blanket for you, but you didn’t find it suspicious, he often acted like this, he wanted to make sure that you weren’t cold, he didn’t want you to have a cold if he happened to be on a case.

When it had been a moment since he left, you decided to turn your head to the direction of the room, not seeing him in sight. Even if you didn’t want to, you slowly got up from the couch, stretching up for a bit, before heading to the room, expecting to see him asleep on your bed. 

But when you had gone into the room, you certainly didn’t expect to see him with a squared box in one of his hands, as his face turned into a worried and stressed mess. He had taken a deep breath when he had seen you, as you stepped further in the room.

Everything happened fast after that; you had jumped into his arms before he could even pronounce the question; but nonetheless, had accepted his proposal. 

You couldn’t have said no to the man you dearly loved, always here to support you, even if he only can talk to you for a minute or so, or sends a text when he’s at work. 

Your normal tv date night had turned out to be more surprising than ever. 

When you had gotten married, a flow of future projects had been included in your daily conversations, including the topic of having a kid.

But the worries about the matter would do nothing but increase on Spencer’s side. 

He kept saying that his genes wouldn’t be genes he’d want his child to ever have, he had been nothing but afraid of the moment the child would be born; his father had left him as a child, nonetheless, he didn’t know what it was like to have a father figure as he only grew up with his mother. 

On your side, you were completely lost on the whole parenthood stuff, and you always felt like you wouldn’t be ready at all to go through nine months, after you had heard other experiences from some friends that had children. 

You both were tied at point 0 on this subject, but as the conversation was brought up on a rainy day at a café; you had proposed an idea.

“Look, I know that we both are lost as hell about the ‘kid matter’, but when you left yesterday I got an idea, but I don’t know if you would be up..”

“Go ahead, I’m all ears.” 

“Well, um...what if we, adopt a kid?” 

“You want to...adopt a kid? I mean, are you sure?”

“Well, I think that would be the best option for both of us. You’ve always been worried about passing your genes to your child, and I’m not really enchanted by the idea of going through nine months so...I thought that would be a good idea that we’d both like, but if you’re not okay with this-”

“No, not at all! I just uh...asked, because if you really wanted the child to be yours or-”

“Biological or not, it will be mine, ours. It won’t change anything whether we’re blood related or not. We’ll love them the same. 

“Do you think we can really do this? I just...wouldn’t want the child to feel unloved, or anything else because I wouldn’t know how to act as a good father since you know, barely had a present father figure in my childhood.”

“You’ll be fine, no, amazing. I know you can do it, you’re amazingly caring, nice and the way you act when you’re with JJ’s kids, you’re made to be a dad, you know how to act with kids, and I’m sure that nothing could go wrong. Look at me, I don’t know anything at all about parenthood, but I do want to have a kid, and in this case, we’re gonna give a chance to a kid that didn’t get to have one.”

“I know, I’m just...afraid.”

“I know you are, I am too. But we can do this, I know we can. “

“Yeah, we can.”

“Hell yeah, we are capable of this.” You said, as you leaned in for a kiss, returned a few seconds after. You both had felt the other smile against the other’s lips to the wonderful journey that would change your lives; in a good way, of course. 

*

Who would have thought that a year later, the journey awaiting the both of you, that had you go through sleepless nights because of stress, planning everything in secret and almost getting caught a few times, would have been the most amazing thing that could have happened? 

You had both fallen in love with a little girl named Clara; she was about five years old, she really was full of joy, liked to talk with people of whatever went through a child’s mind, she really didn’t have any trouble socializing with people she didn’t know. 

But to Spencer and you, she was perfect. You swore that you could have imagined a lifetime of memories when both of your eyes laid on her. 

She also had Spencer’s hair, a detail that you didn’t fail to notice.

She really was everything both of you had wished for, and the love you had been ready to give her since you first heard about her would be unconditional. She wasn’t your biological child, but you would love her as she was, nothing could change that.

The adoption process would be long, but you both were determined to adopt her, no matter what. 

In the meantime, Spencer had decided to bring you to Rossi’s usual dinner parties after both of you happened to be free at the same time for once. You hadn’t told them anything about it, but since the adoption process had seemed to go well, you had thought that it would be a good time to announce the team. 

You had both stopped the car in front of the house, heading in the alley leading to the entrance of the house, as you had entered along with Spencer in the house , welcomed by Emily. 

The rest of the night had gone pretty well, from talking about cases to events that had occured, no one could get bored. 

Towards the end of the night, Emily, JJ, Penelope and Tara had stayed in the living room with Rossi, while Luke, Matt, Derek and Hotch had stayed in the back with you, as both of you had exchanged knowing looks, and without talking to each other, you knew what he meant. 

To your surprise, Derek had both caught you once, first thinking that it just was for whatever reason, but after a few times, your stares had happened to be suspicious. 

“Something tells me the lovebirds have a thing to say to everyone, or is it just me?” Derek had asked Luke, as Matt frowned, looking at you.

“Yeah, they got somethin’.” Matt joined the conversation. 

“Hey y/n, mind telling us? We’re curious now.” Luke asked, tapping your shoulder to bring your attention. 

“We...may have something, yeah.” You said, as you glanced at Spencer.

 “Yeah, we might.” He had answered, as you looked at him; like you wanted him to tell it instead of you. “You were the one that insisted on saying it now, so now you’re doing it.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep, 100%.” 

“You’ve been exchanging looks with him all night, and now you’re shy? Come on y/l/n, go on.” Derek teased. 

“I...okay. We’ve been thinking about it for a while now and uh...we began looking into it, and filing paperwork so...okay,” you said, as you took a deep breath. “ we’re adopting a child.” You announced, as everyone became silent, apparently shocked by the sudden news. 

“But- s-since when? We uh...never heard about it, how come we never found out?” Luke asked, visibly confused about the situation. 

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” You said.

“So, we get to be uncles?!” Luke asked, eyes widening. 

“Yes, you get to be uncles.” Spencer answered, as Luke gave a high five to Derek and Matt.

“So, the kid is gonna be a father.” Hotch stated. 

“Is it a girl or a boy?” Matt asked.

“A girl, her name is Clara.” You answered.

“I don’t know how to react honestly, my mind is telling me to either jump out of joy or cry for an hour; but I’m gonna avoid embarrassing myself and avoid crying even if my whole mind is telling me to do it.” Luke admitted, earning laughs from everyone around.

“You can cry, it’ll stay between us.”

“Nah I’m okay, I’m okay.” Luke said, as it was kind of obvious that he was lying. The conversation had soon been interrupted by the sounds of various voices coming from the girls, and Rossi behind them.

“Are you having a secret party or what?” Emily interrupted. 

“No, they just announced that they adopted a child.”

“Oh, then it’s- WHAT?” She yelled.

“See? That’s us when they announced it.” 

“I- when, how?!”

“It’s been a month since we did it. We just waited for a great occasion to say it.”

“And they hid it from us without us even guessing anything.” Rossi said.

“I guess we’re prolonging the night then?” Emily asked.

“We are.” Spencer and you had both answered.

A lifetime worth of memories awaited the both of you, and you would never regret it if it meant to have someone to look to, give love and watch grow, all of this for nothing but never ending love,

forever.

----------

Taglist; @pinkdiamond1016​ ; 

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

So much gay shit-feed the lesbians, bitch

Listen, I fill in requests as they come in? But you right, you right, let’s feed the ladies in the audience tonight.

“So? How does it feel to be eighteen, princess?”

“Quite nice, actually.”

Zelda had her 18th birthday, and suffice to say, everyone was partied the hell out. Urbosa had to take Daruk home (he was starting to pick everyone up and nearly breaking their spines in hugs), Revali was sleeping in his drunken stupor (as well as Teba and Kohga), Sidon had taken Mipha and Link home, Yunobo was trying to fix the damage done outside, and Riju was currently arguing with a stable hand about sand seals. All of this left Zelda and Impa to do most of the cleaning, not that Impa had issues helping her absolute best friend. So little people made her more talkative, and Impa appreciated that. Zelda chuckled as she took another one of Daruk’s many leftover plates.

“It’s...a birthday I didn’t think I’d have, honestly. To think we’d survive after the great calamity...it warms my heart, knowing we succeeded.”

“Course we did princess, we had YOU!”

Zelda giggled into her hand, clearly flattered by her friends' ever so kind words. That, and the fact that Impa was hardly letting her do any actual cleaning.

“Impa, you’re doing it again.”

“You’re still in your birthday dress! I don’t want you getting anything dirty! We both know your father would have a fit.”

Bad call. Zelda frowned. The King loved his daughter, but being the leader of the Kingdom caused some problems. Such as not being available on important dates. She had missed him all night, and Impa could tell, despite her smile. She set the dishes to the side, holding onto Zelda’s shoulders.

“Princess, please! Don’t frown on your birthday! As your friend, I will NOT allow it!”

Zelda looked at her for a moment, completely confused, before her smile, her REAL smile appeared.

“Well, suppose I have no choice then, do I?”

They looked at each other for a moment, and Impa swore she forgot how to breathe for a second. She had grown up to be best friends with the princess, and in the process, saw her grow. Grow into someone very incredibly smart, kind, and...well. Beautiful. It made her heart thump, being so close to her like this. The room was more or less empty and quiet, it would be alright to say SOMETHING, surely.

“Princess?”

“Yes Impa?”

“You...should go upstairs and rest. Let us clean, you’ve clearly had a LONG day.”

“But Impa-”

“Ah ah ah! No butts no coconuts! Bath, then right to bed miss missy!”

That made her laugh, and Impa swore it was sweet enough to make songbirds jealous. She nodded at her friend.

“Oh alright. No use arguing with you when you’re like this. Thank you, Impa, truly.”

Zelda suddenly threw herself at her, into a great big hug. The princess was so soft, and she smelled so much like cake and flowers. Zelda pulled away after a moment.

“Do wake me when you’re about to head home, I’d love to say goodbye.”

“Will do, princess.”

She bowed to her, watching her leave. Once she was sure she was out of ear shot, she groaned, smacking her forehead against the dining table.

“Need some help?”

“HHH. GIRLS!!”

Impa nearly screamed it against the table cloth. That was when she recalled who’s voice thet belonged to. Sooga. He was standing right there, arms folded across his chest.

“I MEANT with the cleaning. Many hands make for light labor, but a whole village couldn’t fix THAT problem.”

She pointed her finger at him, ready to explode, before her words stumbled and tumbled. She really had nothing for that, so she just started shoving junk in his hands. He chuckled, helping her wipe food stains simultaneously. She threw a rag at him, a scowl at her lips. Like Sooga and Link, Sooga and Impa had quite a bit in common, in terms of servicing their masters. Only, Sooga didn’t exactly LOVE Impa, mainly due to her being a member of the sheikah. It was why whenever they were forced to deal with each other, it was a LOT of him using his clever words to anger her.

“You know NOTHING, Sooga. Bite your tongue!”

“I have eyes, believe it or not, sheikah girl. Everyone but her can see what I see.”

“Which is NOTHING.”

As per usual, holding her kodachi at him did absolutely nothing to phase him. He sighed, giving a shake of his head.

“I say make the effort to court her, honestly.”

“One, shut up. Two, it wouldn’t even work, she likes LINK-”

“Who is taken by another princess. Leaves quite the window open to you. You could not do it and regret it, or you could grow some guts, and try. Or the third option.”

“What’s the third option?”

“Try, and fail miserably, putting on quite the show for me.”

“I gotta side with Sooga here.”

Kohga joined the party, seeming to pick at something on his plate.

“I mean, it’s not like you DON’T have a chance! You’re her friend, she trusts you, and you got a cute ass, girls like that. I think.”

“W-you LOOK AT THAT?!”

“Yeah but like, in a gay way. Like ‘her ass would get so much more girls if she would stop dressing up like a prude’ kinda way.”

Face exploding, she grabbed his plate, tossing it in the trash, and ignoring Kohga’s cries of protest. Sooga chuckled, amused by his Master’s little tantrum.

“He has a point. But hey, don’t listen to us if you’d like, you sheikah are good at being cowards.”

“Excuse me?”

Her face scrunched up in anger, and he was still unphased. He leaned down to her face, mask inches from her skin.

“I called you a coward. Go on. Prove me wrong, sheikah girl.”

“Alright, fine! I will!”

She stormed out in a huff, and Kohga chuckled.

“Oh that was a good call right there, Sooga.”

“She may be sheikah, but she has the same anger as a blade master. She could never refuse a challenge. Care to sit around and let me clean?”

“Thought you’d never ask, pretty boy.”

--------------------------------------

“You got this, Impa, you got this.”

Impa had stepped outside to grab something, before she found her way into the princess’s room. She carefully lit a candle, about ready to dash in and prove Sooga wrong, when she saw her. She was asleep, in nothing but her cute nightgown. White, see through...it was enough to make Impa stop in her tracks. But it wasn’t just the clothes. It was her face. So still, so soft and precious looking. Impa sighed.

“You...don’t got this.”

She sighed, carefully putting the silent princess in her hand. Her favorite flower, and by extension, Impa’s. So graceful, delicate, sweet looking. Just like her. Impa pulled the sheets over her body, careful not to wake her up. She would freeze, poor thing.

“Maybe he was right. I am a coward when it comes to you, princess. But...that’s okay. I’m just, happy to be your absolute best friend. And hey, this is what dreams are for, right?”

She carefully ran her fingers through those golden locks of hair. So soft, her hair. Impa remembered how it felt whenever she braided it. Her fingers in her hair just felt so...right. She looked around, in case someone was looking, when she leaned down, and kissed her forehead. So precious. Her skin was like silk. She pulled away, knowing she would do something more stupid.

“Goodnight...my princess. May you sleep well, and dream of the love you deserve.”

She blew out the candle, and slowly shut the door. If only she knew.

If only she saw the smile left on her royal face.

[staygold-ponyboycurtis]

The Funeral

The Curtis parents’ funeral, from Darry’s perspective. Enjoy :)

- 

Frozen. That’s the word. That’s how I’ve felt for the past eight days, five hours, and fourteen minutes. 

In some ways, I don’t think my brain can access the place where it keeps sadness and grief. Growing up like I did, you just don’t let your mind go there. You have to be brave. No crying. No weakness. I have to be strong for my brothers. I can’t let them know I’m suffering and want to fall apart every second of every day since this nightmare began. I have to let them know we’ll be okay. Even if I don’t quite believe it myself.

We got the phone call less than forty-eight hours after we learned mom and dad were gone. As if things couldn’t get harder for us. An apathetic voice on the other end explained to me that they’d be sending over a representative from the state of Oklahoma to assess our familial situation now that there were two minors living parentless in the home. We had less than a week to gather our bearings, then our fate would be decided by an asshole who knew nothing about us.

Before I could even process that my mom and dad were gone, I had the weight of the world dropped on my shoulders. A bitter realization that life as we knew it was about to change forever. Sodapop and Ponyboy couldn’t even mention the subject without anxiety burning through my body. 

It seemed they had a million questions that I couldn’t answer. What would happen to them? What would I do to handle the situation? Could the courts really take them out of our home? They knew there was a chance that they’d be sent off to a boys’ home for orphaned kids and we’d never see each other again. I told them that was impossible. That there was no way in Hell I’d let that happen. I couldn’t lose my entire family in the span of a few weeks. I just didn’t know how I could stop it. 

“They can’t just take us, can they, Darry?” Sodapop had asked. “Don’t we have any say?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “They’re going to do what they think is best for you two.”

“Bullshit. They don’t know what’s best for us.”

But today isn’t about that. Like everything else, I’ve trained my brain to ignore the pressing issues before us. Store them in a place where the truth can’t hurt me too badly. Today is about saying goodbye to mom and dad. 

I stare at the two dark oak caskets sitting at the front of the altar. They’re closed. The harm caused by the accident was unfathomable. I had to identify their bodies at the city morgue. It was a task that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. When I saw the damage that was inflicted to my poor parents, I got sick all over the linoleum floors. That was the first and last time I’ve broken into tears this week. 

I forbade my brothers from seeing our parents in their final state. They begged, but I couldn’t let their last memories of our mom and dad be such a gruesome sight. One that has haunted me every second of every single day since. I want Sodapop and Ponyboy’s memories of our parents to be warm, loving, and happy. Something to mend the heartbreak.

At the funeral home, my brothers asked if they could leave a few things with our parents before burying them. Ponyboy wrote two long letters, both a few pages long. He mulled over what to write for hours, sitting at the desk in his room crumpling up papers and getting frustrated with himself when he couldn’t get his thoughts out. He folded them up tightly and handed them to a man named John, who was in charge of everything. He give him strict instructions on who to give each letter to, seeming resistant to trust a stranger with what I imagined were intimate, emotional messages to our mom and dad. Sodapop handed over a photo of the three of us on Christmas last year, arms slung over each other’s shoulders and smiling, giddy with holiday spirit. He wanted mom to have it. It was her favorite picture. 

I’m torn out of my daydream when Sodapop starts walking to the front of the church. The turnout is small, with just a few of my parents’ friends peppered throughout the pews. We’ve never had a big family, which is all too apparent at a time like this. Mom was an only child, and dad only had a younger brother who died in the Korean War over a decade ago. All we had was each other. Two-Bit, Johnny, and Steve sit together a few rows behind the three of us. Dallas sits by himself in the last row in the corner of the small church, his head down low. I nod at him when I catch his eye, letting him know how grateful my mother would be knowing that he came to say his final goodbyes. 

I see Sodapop’s hands shaking as he situates himself in front of the podium. Neither mom nor dad had any funeral plans designated for us to follow, so we had to choose how to honor them. Two whole lifetimes summed up a few hours. Mom was always religious and enjoyed going to church, so I decided that she would want a formal service. Sodapop insisted that he wanted to speak. I decided I would, too. Ponyboy said that he wouldn’t be able to. He didn’t think he’d be strong enough. Though I told him that mom and dad would have liked him to share a few words in their honor, he implored me to not bring it up again.

“I don’t even know what I’d say, Dar,” Ponyboy had said quietly. “And I don’t think I could get through it without blubbering like a baby.”

I knew that Ponyboy, like me, would grieve our parents silently. These past few days, he hadn’t mentioned them at all. I saw him lose it when he saw dad’s old flannel draped over the couch the other day and again when he opened the fridge a few days ago and found a chocolate cake that mom had baked the day she died. I acted like I hadn’t noticed him rush into his room and close the door quickly, but pressed my ear to the door to make sure he was alright. I could hear him crying heavily in his room, trying to catch his breath in between sobs. But I knew that this was natural and necessary, and that I’d be less than comforting if I barged in on him. 

“Hi, everyone,” Soda says in a small, defeated voice that is so unlike his usually charismatic demeanor. His voice quivers and I can see his eyes well up with tears before he’s even begun. I want to run up there and pull him into a tight hug, but I know that he needs to do this. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his dress shirt. “I’m sorry, I swore up and down that I wouldn’t cry.” 

He looks at me and Pony for reassurance and continues, pausing to gain composure. 

“My mom and dad were the best parents a kid could have. There’s nothing that my ma wouldn’t do for anyone. She always said that being our mom was her favorite thing to be. Well, being her son was my favorite thing to be. Mom and I were one and the same. It was like we had the same exact personality. We were the goofballs… the crazy ones in the crowd. She loved a good time and loved music, just like me. 

She was funny, but not in the way most moms are. She could joke with the best of us, even our friends. And she always knew how to make you feel like you were the most important person in the world. Because when you were with her, you were. She knew how to make everyone feel special and cared about. Gosh, am I going to miss that about her… She was the best. There will never be another person like my ma."

I look over at Ponyboy, whose eyes are inquisitive and burning holes in the side of my head as we listen to Soda speak. His face is swollen from crying so much, the tip of his nose red. He gives me a look that says, Why aren’t you upset? Don’t you care? But I’m petrified. Frozen. There’s that word again. My face is stoic but my heart is cracking with pain and each memory Soda recalls is deepening the weak spots. I want to be a pillar of strength for my brothers. I don’t want to fall apart in front of them.

"When I think of my dad, I think of someone who wanted the best for us. The day of the accident, he was celebrating a promotion at work, which he worked hard to get. But he loved to goof off like mom, too. He loved to play football in the front yard with all of us. Nobody could hike a football like him, no matter that he was twice our age. And he loved sweets, like me. I would always sneak into the kitchen at midnight to grab a piece of whatever mom had baked that day, and dad would have already beaten me there. And, usually, had a plate out for me already. I used to love talking with him in the middle of the night, just dad and me. 

Nobody worked harder than dad, either. He worked his whole life to make sure we never wanted for anything. He never wanted us to go without. I know now that that’s what makes a good man. I wish he could’ve lived to see it all pay off. And I wish I had gotten the chance to tell him that. I don’t know how we’re going to survive without them. I love them both. So much. And I hope they rest in peace. Thank you.”

He wipes his eyes again and makes his way back to our pew. When he sits, I squeeze his shoulder and wrap my arm around him. I feel his body tremble with tears and rub his back until he calms down. 

The priest ushers me to come up and speak, and I hesitantly stand, adjusting my suit jacket. Making my way up to the podium, I look out to the forlorn faces in the crowd. I look at Sodapop and Ponyboy, whose faces are contorted with sadness. I swallow the dry lump in my throat.

“Thank you all for coming,” I say bleakly. “My mother and father would appreciate you all being here to support us and remember them today.” 

I reach into my pocket and pull out a worn piece of paper that I’ve been hanging onto the past few days. I’ve been scribbling notes here and there about what I wanted to speak about. No matter what I would write, it never seemed sufficient to describe the enormity of what my parents meant to the three of us. I didn’t know where to begin. 

“As you all know, we lost my parents over a week ago unexpectedly. There was no time for my brothers and I to say goodbye or tell them how much we loved them. We never got the chance to thank them for everything they’ve ever done for us or tell them how hard it would be to live the rest of our lives without them…” I trail off, feeling the sadness creep in. 

I want to keep it formal. Just say the typical things everyone says when someone dies and get back to my seat as soon as possible. But I want Ponyboy and Sodapop to know that I’m hurting, too. And I want to honor my parents the best I can. So I continue.

“My mom always used to say to us, ‘If we always have each other, we having nothing to lose’… I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately,” I say. “Because now we’re separated. We’ve lost the two people we love most in the world. And I don’t really know how we’re going to go on. But then I’m reminded of so many things about our mom and dad and what they taught us. How to love each other and to stick together, no matter what. How to make a lot out of a little and to be grateful for what you do have rather than focus on what you don’t. And even if they’re gone now, I believe they’re looking down on us, right by our side like they’ve always been. So, really, we’re still all together. It just may look a little different now.” I look at my brothers again, who have small smiles on their faces.

“My mom was the nicest woman you would ever meet. She loved anybody who walked through our front door, no exceptions. She’s the reason why we have friends who became family,” I say, nodding to the gang in the pews. “And dad was the perfect example of a role model. He raised us to be strong, humble, and hard-working. He pushed us hard but loved us well. I’ll miss them both incredibly. We all will.”

I look at the two caskets below me and acknowledge that my parents are in them. A few feet away from me, but it feels like thousands of miles. I’m overcome with grief and I can’t stand it. I almost lose my composure when I feel the tears fill my eyes.

“That’s all I have...” I say. “Thank you all for coming.” I rush off the stage as the tears start coming. Ponyboy and Sodapop stand up from the pew and rush over to me as I make my way back to the pew, joining together for a hug. They push their faces into my chest and I put my face on the top of their heads, letting the tears fall. 

I wish more than anything that we weren’t here right now. That life had some other plan for us. But, then, I don’t want to be anywhere else.

Everyone shuffles out of their pews and out of the church at the announcement of the priest, congregating by the front door. I don’t know how long we stand there hugging, weeping quietly on each other. 

We pull away and look at each other, then chuckle a bit at how distraught we all look. 

“I love you guys,” I say to them, sniffling. “We’ll be okay.... we’ll be okay.”

-

I love you all and your support of my writing lifts me up so much, you couldn’t even imagine. Thank you for enjoying my writing the way you do 🥺

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Love Isn‘t Always On Time Part Forty One

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: Not Beta-Read.  I hope everyone’s having a good week! Warnings: Depression; unhealthy coping mechanisms Summary: Steve and Bucky weren’t there. They weren’t with us. That meant that no one had found them yet, that they were safe. That’s what I kept telling myself. That’s what I had to keep telling myself.

I hadn’t felt so pissed and helpless since I was sitting across from Coulson in that interrogation room. I turned my head at the sound of Sam knocking on the bars of his own cell. “Have some water,” He ordered quietly. I lifted my head from my hands, looking down at the bottle that had been left for me. The others had already eaten; the guards had put food in my cell and taken it away when I hadn’t touched it, but they’d left the bottle of water behind. “ ‘m fine,” I mumbled, putting my head back in my hands. We’d been in the Raft Prison for almost a day. A day of radio silence about Steve and Bucky; a day of Sam silently beating himself up over what had happened to Rhodey; a day of Scott intermittently trying to cheer us all up with ant-themed knock-knock jokes. “You need to keep your strength up, c’mon,” Sam urged, “C’mon.” I sighed, leaning back and resting my head against the wall. I did feel drained as hell. I pushed myself up, wincing. I was still bruised as hell from the fight (I’d made a mental note to never try and go after that Spider Kid again). I glanced at Sam, picking up the bottle of water opening it. Sam grunted, appeased, and I heard him walking away. It was enough that he’d leave off for a while. I set the bottle aside after I’d taken a couple of gulps, drawing my knees up to my chest and hugging them there. Steve and Bucky weren’t there. They weren’t with us. That meant that no one had found them yet, that they were safe. That’s what I kept telling myself. That’s what I had to keep telling myself.

“The futurist, ladies and gentlemen!” I turned my head to see Tony walking toward Clint’s cell. I felt an involuntary chill run through me and I turned away, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say - I didn’t want to hear an apology, I didn’t want to hear if he’d found my boys. I heard Tony’s footsteps move closer, then stop outside my cell. “You okay? You took a couple of hard hits yesterday.” I didn’t answer. “...Are we not friends anymore?” He asked. I turned my head to look at him. He looked rough - arm in a sling, face bruised, a black eye. “...What the hell were you thinking, bringing an actual child into this?” I asked. “You’re in a cell, I don’t know if you’re in a place to have the moral high ground,” Tony retorted, “Besides, that actual child kicked your ass.” I scoffed. "Just because you won doesn’t mean you’re on the right side, Stark.” “Why the hell do you think I’m here?” “I don’t give a fuck why you’re here,” I snapped. I tightened my arms around my knees, curling in on myself. The irritation drained out of Tony’s face and he leaned against the cell. “I’m here because I want to help them. I know what they mean to you,” He said quietly. I shook my head. “You’re not getting shit from me, Stark,” I swore before I turned my head again, resting it back on my knees. I heard him sigh heavily before he walked away. “How’s Rhodes?” I heard Sam ask. “They're flying him to Columbia Medical tomorrow. So...fingers crossed... What do you need? They feed you yet?” Tony asked. “You’re the good cop now?” Sam asked, incredulous. “I'm just the guy who needs to know where Steve went,” Tony answered. “Well, you better go get a bad cop, because you're gonna have to go Mark Fuhrman on my ass to get information out of me,” Sam snapped. “Oh, I just knocked the 'A' out of their 'AV'. We got about 30 seconds before they realize it's not their equipment,” Tony said. I lifted my head, frowning at them. “Just look. Because that is the fellow who was supposed to interrogate Barnes,” Tony said, bringing up a hologram to show Sam, “Clearly, I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.” “That’s a first,” Sam muttered. “Cap is definitely off the reservation but he's about to need all the help he can get. We don't know each other very well. You don't have to...” Tony trailed off. “Hey, it’s alright,” Sam shook his head. I frowned. I could almost see him weighing his options. “Look, I'll tell you… but you have to go alone and as a friend.” “Sam,” I warned him. Sam shot me a look. “You got a way of getting us out of here? Cause right now there’s only one person in this room that can help.” I shook my head, disbelieving, and watched as Sam leaned in to talk to Tony. I watched him go before I turned to Sam in disbelief. “What’s the worst that could happen?” Sam asked, “They can handle him. He wants to help.” "What if he changes his mind?” I asked. “They can handle him,” Sam repeated, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself and not me. -- “Up, sweetheart.” I grunted in response. "Don’t you dare give me a ‘five more minutes’, we don’t have five more minutes.” I opened my eyes, brow furrowing. “Steve?” I breathed, stunned. He smiled, smoothing my hair back before helping me sit up. “Come on, we’re getting out of here.” -- “Where’s Bucky?” I had held off on asking for as long as I could stand. We’d dropped off Clint off at home already; Scott had chosen to stay behind, hoping to strike a deal with Ross and stay close to his daughter; the rest of us were en route to Wakanda. Wanda and Sam were already asleep at the back of the jet. Steve had put the jet on autopilot and leaned back when I’d come up to check on him. He looked worn out, but relieved. He turned the seat, patting his knee. I lowered myself onto his lap, wrapping my arms around his shoulder. He slid his hand up, smoothing it over my thigh before he turned his head, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. “Where is he?” I pressed when Steve didn’t answer me. Steve peered up at me. “He’s in Wakanda, he’s safe, but...” “But?” “He decided to go back into cryo. Just until we can work out how to undo what HYDRA’s done.” My stomach rolled at the news. I turned my head from Steve, shading my eyes to hide my tears. “I know-- But he’s safe, we know where he is,” Steve sighed. “We just got him back,” I mumbled. Steve dropped another kiss to my shoulder. “It was his choice,” He reminded me, rubbing his hand over my thigh, “And T’Challa’s sister said she’s already got some ideas.” I pressed my face into Steve’s neck, letting the fear, weariness, and upset of the last few days pour out of me. When I was able to gather myself I leaned away, scrubbing my hand over my face. “What happened with Tony?” I asked. Steve’s face darkened. “I don’t think we oughta talk about that just now,” He grumbled. I shook my head. “I knew sending him after you was a bad idea.” “Sam did what he thought was best, he couldn’t have known,” Steve pointed out. I huffed, glancing down at him as I reached up, running my fingers through his hair. “How are you?” I asked. “I’m fine,” He answered simply. I knew better than that. “Steve,” I warned. He gave me a small smile. “I’m a little tired. We’ll have some time to rest before we plan our next move.” “T’Challa’s alright with us hanging around?” I asked. Steve nodded. “He offered us asylum for as long as we need it. The States doesn’t have extradition in Wakanda, Ross has no way of getting to us.” I rested my head against his, closing my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t want there to be a next move. I wanted us to settle for a while, to help Bucky get back to himself, and then get us back to us. But I couldn’t say that. Steve would never stop fighting. It was one of the things I loved most about him; it was one of the things that drove me the most crazy. I didn’t even realize I was falling asleep until Steve’s arm tightened around my waist to keep me close to his chest. “It’s alright,” He soothed when I started to lift my head, “We’ve got a ways to go before we reach Wakanda. Get some rest, sweetheart.” Tag list: @gloryevans @redryderdesigns @winter-scolder @aactuaaltraash @secretagentben @staplerrrr @elliee1497 @adayinmymeadow  @allonszassbutt @mannls @witch-of-letters  @niallssweetheart22 @uneniffler  @rinthehufflepuff @panic-angel3314  @firstangeldragonranch @kaetastic @mcuwillbethedeathofme @skeletoresinthebasement @i-dont-know-what-im-doing-yay @kkaos15 @iamnotoverlyfondofwhatfollows  @bassclarinety @tomshelbystits @rvgrsbrns @marvelmenarebeautiful @tenaciousperfectionunknown @intricate-melody​ @stuffandstuff-stuff​ @fanfuckingtastic04 @messybunnyartist @anescapefromtheworld  @shesa-riott​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms @martyniasz @mamooska8 @silver-winter-wolf

[chilling-seavey]

Passchendaele WW2 Extension - Malta & the Mediterranean 

Mum,

Malta is much warmer than England, especially this time of year, but the air combat is even worse than that of the Battle of Britain. The Luftwaffe aren’t giving us an easy fight. It had been a calm few months but we’re losing men by the hundreds out here, all trying to protect the commonwealth in North Africa, and so Richie and I (and the rest of the Spitfire squadrons) have been stationed out here on this tiny island. Who knew such a small, beautiful place could be home to so much destruction? The Germans bomb the island often, so they have kept us living on one of the aircraft carriers in the Mediterranean. The water is so blue, Mum. It’s almost serine. You would love it here.

It’s almost calm on the sea when there’s quiet but there’s not quiet for long. Being positioned so close to the front lines and right on the border of Italy is frightening and Richie and I say our prayers every morning and every night. Can’t be too safe. One torpedo to this massive ship and we’d be gone in less than an hour. I think about you and Evy and Dad every waking minute. My heart aches for you but at the same time, you’re almost the only thing keeping me alive.

I love you.

Your son,

Charlie

June 1, 1942

“Dawn? Flying off at dawn!? Bloody hell. Can’t even let us have a good lunch? Were barely out of bed for God’s sakes!”

Charlie only laughed at his best friend’s slight panic in his voice as they navigated their way through the thin corridors of the aircraft carrier and up towards the main deck. Richard struggled to button up his uniform, grumbling more under his breath and nearly tripping over his own feet in his distraction. Charlie stopped and turned, making his best friend crash right into him but he smacked his hands away and buttoned up his uniform for him.

“Thanks.” Richard sighed lightly.

“We’re just going to check out the island today.” Charlie said as they continued towards the deck, more to assure the both of them rather than just his obviously frazzled friend.

“Gosh, Charlie, I’m so hungry.” Richard grumbled as they emerged out onto the large flatbed deck that was lined with Spitfires and bustling with crew and pilots and officers alike.

“It’s just your nervous stomach, Rich.” Charlie answered, pausing to thank one of the crew as they were handed their parachutes and helmets and made their way towards their usual plane. “You’re usually not this nervous to take off, what’s wrong with you?”

“I dunno. I feel weird. Maybe it’s because we’re on a ship and not land.”

“Sea legs or air legs, what’s the difference?” Charlie teased.  

“About eleven-thousand-metres off a ninety-five-meter piece of deck.” Richard grumbled as they approached the plane.

The boys pulled their packs on and then their helmets before climbing up onto the wing and getting settled in the cockpit with the assistance of a few crew to make sure everything was settled and working well. The officers were walking the length of the deck and shouting orders and reminders to the pilots as they got ready to take off.

“We are surrounded by the enemy, gentlemen! That means absolutely no speaking while in the air in case they intercept our radio…you do not want to give away the location of yourself or your fellow fighters.”

Richard strapped his helmet on under his chin and pulled his goggles over his eyes with Charlie doing the same in the seat in front of him. The crew helped Charlie set the propellor going and the engine sputtered loudly to life, smoke billowing from the front as it got warmed up.

“Straight flight to Malta and should be an easy landing at Luqa. You’ll be stationed there for a few weeks now, fighting out of the land base.”

“How are we supposed to take off from this ship?” Richard whispered sharply to Charlie.

“With a hell ton of praying.” Charlie answered as the crew shut the cockpit, trapping them inside the glass.

“Oh God, oh dear God, we’re gonna drown.” Richard whimpered. “Charlie! Where’s the eject button again? Oh, forget it, the water pressure will trap us in here anyway and we’ll suffocate and – oh my God, how do they expect us to take off?! Huh?! There is barely twenty metres of runway and then nothing but water-”

“Holy shit, Richard Zachary Besson, get a grip.” Charlie snapped, carefully taxing the plane after the row of others to prepare for takeoff. “We just accelerate faster. Quite faster.”

Richard bit his bottom lip nervously, two hands on the joystick in front of him until his knuckles were turning white in his gloves, and his eyes flicked to the small photograph taped to the side of his dashboard. A photograph of the painting hanging in his bedroom, the perfectly painted planet of Saturn being an immediate reminder of his father and he tried to let the familiarity calm him.

Charlie flicked a few switches above him as they were next in line, “Ready, Richie?”

“I suppose so, Charlie.”

The boys each pushed the plane forward, the deck below them streaking past faster and faster and faster and Richard had to force himself not to close his eyes as they approached the edge of the carrier and they pulled up together. The plane dipped down slightly as a natural reaction to the ship suddenly disappearing out from below them but right away, they were propelling right into the morning sky.

They both let out a relieved exhale as they were back in the comfortable space of the open air. The men followed one of the officers flying at the head of the pack towards the island, the Spitfires flying in a steady row in perfect silence. It was calm and nearly peaceful, with the blue Mediterranean waving gently only a few dozen metres below them and the perfectly white clouds blocking the glare from the rising sun above them. The couldn’t talk but the boys sat together in their plane on their straight course to Malta, on high alert for any incoming enemy. But they made a safe flight and started their decent as the island emerged through the clouds in the distance.

The rocky coast of Malta claimed their attention as they searched for the RAF Air Base over the side of the cliffs, carefully navigating their plane over the edge. The runway came into sight and a few of the planes in front of them started landing. Charlie prepped for landing themselves.

“Uh, Charlie-”

Richard’s sudden volume took him by a momentary surprise, but Charlie didn’t even have a chance to ask what he was calling him about before the runway exploded with the impact of a bomb. A huge cloud of dust and soil spewed up into the sky in a haze, quickly followed by a second, then a third, and both boys looked up to see the sky swarming with at least seventy-five German Luftwaffe above them like insects.

“Oh shit!” Charles gaped, pulling them out of their predictable straight-line course and back up over the cliffs to avoid being an easy target. A few of their fellow RAF planes were bombed down, crashing into the ocean or to the island in flames and the island was mercilessly bombed for yet another uncountable time.

“How are we supposed to land?” Richard asked loudly over the noise. “We don’t have enough fuel to fly back to the fleet!”

“We took off from a ship, now we’re having to land between bomb craters.” Charlie answered. “Keep an eye out.”

“Bleeding Christ.” Richard swore, glancing back up to the sky and all around them to make sure they weren’t being targeted.

Charlie scanned the surrounding area for a reasonably safe place to land and when he spotted one, he dived them right down towards the rough terrain. Richard literally clutched onto the plane as bombs spewed rubble into the air so terribly close to them, he was sure they were going to be hit, but with a bit of a bumpy landing, Charlie got them on the ground just as the enemy took off into the sky again.

“Good timing, bastards.” Richard grumbled as they carefully taxied the best they could towards the main base.

“Holy shit, I’m sweating.” Charlie panted, turning off the plane as the RAF Maltese ground crew rushed over to check them out, make sure they were alright, and to tend to the plane. A few more Spitfires landed around them as well, each pilot a bit shaken as they all climbed out onto the flat ground and headed into the building for food.

Richard pulled off his helmet and pushed a hand through his hair as he grumbled, “All this before breakfast.”

Taglist: @randomlimelightxxx​ @hopinglimelight​ @jonahlovescoffee​ @hiya-its-amber​ @chanelwonders​

[caughtupinmyfeels]

Every night at 12 o'clock on the dot, it never fails, you call me up. Talking 'bout you had a bad day, so you're pullin' up. So I pour up a cup of just what you need, 'cause I know what you need. | #WhenWillILearn?

You know that kind of sleep where you’re straight up dead to the world? The kind of sleep where you can just turn over and fall even deeper into slumber because your body was so relaxed and needed the chance to recharge? I was in that place and it felt fucking amazing. I stretched with feline-like precision, my bare legs tangling in the bed sheets as I pulled them up over my shoulders. The room had dropped in temperature overnight, a subtle chill in the air making me want to bury myself deeper into the comfortable warmth. I wasn’t even sure what time it was, and frankly I didn’t care. Morning, noon or night, I had nowhere to be in that moment and I was glad. I turned onto my stomach, my lips parting in a soft yawn as my brain stirred, starting to fire up. It was so quiet. So peaceful. It was either really early, or really fucking late. The fact that I couldn’t hear music of any kind or the sound of movement outside my door had me reaching under my pillow for my phone. Holy shit. It was late. Had I really slept the day away? It was a natural reaction to feel the stirrings of what the fuck, but I reminded myself that it didn’t really matter. I lifted my head, glancing towards the window, the darkness comforting. My phone screen brightness was at the lowest setting, the sleep cycle app that was running blocking all notifications so that I wouldn’t be disturbed. Thank goodness for small mercies. My eyes flickered shut again, another yawn escaping as I shifted onto my back, pulling my hair over my shoulder as I dismissed do not disturb, my stomach twisting into a knot when I saw the multiple missed calls and text messages on my screen. Immediately, I swiped left to clear them, but the damage was done. My mind had gone from being gently awoken to firing on all cylinders. Fuck. I sighed, dropping my phone before my hand lifted to rub at my eyes, making a face when I saw the black smeared across it. I’d forgotten to take my make up off again. Getting home so late had me just kicking off my heels, peeling off my jeans and diving into bed. Sometimes, you need that. To not just give a fuck. Lately? I had run right out of them.

Whipping back the covers, I swung my bare legs over the side of the bed, standing to my feet. A shiver ran down my spine as the cold hit, pulling my T-shirt as far down over my ass as I could. I needed coffee and a hot shower. Pulling open my bedroom door, even though I knew nobody was here, I still tiptoed from my room to the bathroom. Slipping my hand behind the shower curtain, I flipped the shower on, turning it up to get the temperature nice and hot. While I let it run, I sought out the nectar of the gods. A soft snicker escaped as I saw the post it note ontop of the Keurig. ‘Just hit the button’ was all it said, @Dillon’s perfect handwriting making me laugh. I did as he suggested and leaned against the counter as the machine started to brew, the scent of French vanilla filling the kitchen. Heaven. I grabbed my creamer from the fridge, watching the coffee flow in a steady stream into my cup. When the machine stopped, I loaded my cup up and took it to the bathroom with me. Steam was billowing out of the shower, the warmth taking away the chill of the apartment. Taking a sip from my cup before I set it down, I groaned as the sweetness of the creamer hit my tongue. So freaking good. Pulling my shirt over my head, I let it drop to the floor before I pushed my panties down and stepped out of them. I wasn’t even daring a glance into the mirror before I got into the shower. I had no doubt I was a hot mess. I let the steam envelop me, the heat of the water hitting my skin with welcome pressure. A sigh of relief escaped as I lifted my hand to run through my hair, the other resting against the cool tile wall. My mind was racing. It always did when #Noah decided he had the balls to come back round again. It was always the same old routine. The phone calls and texts would start. When he realized he was getting ignored, he would hang round outside the bar, hoping to get at me that way. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he didn’t. It had been nearly six months since I last saw him. Six blissful, quiet months in which nobody had tried to play with my head or my heart. It was complicated. In fact, that was a bit of an understatement. We made complicated look pretty simple. No matter how hard I tried to stop myself from reminiscing, I never could. I had learned to detach myself from the memories, but the echoes of the feelings were still there. I closed my eyes, image after image assaulting my mind. When you love someone, it never really goes away. It burns for the rest of your life or it changes you. There are so many different types of love that you’re never really out of it. You’re just in a different state. Six months ago? My wounds had been reopened. The stitches that I’d sloppily inflicted on my heart never had the hope of healing. Yet, I kept on doing it. I’d swore it was the last time and in my mind, it was. I’d made it clear, hadn’t I? We weren’t good for each other. We never had been. If we were? Our relationship would have worked out the first time around. #Noah didn’t agree. The second, third and fourth times weren’t much better and each of them did a hell of a number on my heart. It was the back and forth, unsteady steps and uncertainty that finally had me calling time on us. Every time I got pulled in, he played to my weaknesses. I love you. I need you. Poof went my sense and down went my panties. We would fall into bed and I would tell myself that it was just a one time thing. We would fuck and fight. Swear to stay away from each other. Then the texts would start. The late night phone calls that would go on for hours. We’d promise that we could be friends. Date other people. It would work for a while. Then, the cycle would start again.

I miss you. Can I come over? I would get stuck thinking about the crappy date I’d been on that week, or remember that night I got too drunk and ended up with a noname who needed a fucking map to find my clit. Every time, #Noah would swoop in and make me feel like it was the first time all over again. He would kiss me and the fire would start again and need would take over. It didn’t matter if we were in the middle of a bar or in the backseat of his car. It was impossible to resist. His hand would be in my panties while he whispered dirty little things into my ear. It was like an addiction that had no cure and I had no will to fight it. Except the last time -was- the last time. I’d fallen for his sweet talk yet again, my cooch and heart doing the thinking. I’d gone into it legs open and got fucked in ways I wasn’t prepared for. The one thing you don’t want to hear from a guy when you’ve spent most of the afternoon with his dick in your mouth and his head between your legs? I’ve met someone. It was like a switch had been flipped in me. There were no niceties. We didn’t part as friends. We didn’t part as anything. It was done. I’d come to the realization that he’d never made an effort to let me go because he loved me, he just didn’t want anyone else to have me. I was just too stupid to see it. Dicknotized. I wasn’t falling for it again. Squeezing a glob of shampoo into my hand, I lathered up my hair, before I reached for my puff and body wash. No matter how many times I scrubbed myself, I could still feel him on me. Inside me. The memories felt like fingertips gripping my hips. Like bruises that never faded. Painful. Everlasting. Yet invisible to the eyes. I thought that they had healed, but clearly, I wasn’t quite there yet. I hated the scent of the body wash. It reminded me of him. Of the one too many times that Dillon had caught us in here, loudly proclaiming that we were fucking animals who should be on display in a zoo. He was one of the main reasons why I’d stayed away from #Noah. Every time I had a moment, he’d remind me of the ten pounds I gained from inhaling nothing but Ben and Jerry’s in the days that followed our last go round. He would remind me that no dick was worth gaining a double chin for. Especially dick that drove a truck and said y’all far too much. He was my saving grace. My best friend. The one who put me to bed after too much wine and knew my coffee order off by heart. He said everything I needed to hear without saying a word. If he was straight? I probably would’ve fallen head over heels for him. All the best ones were gay. Thankful that my mind was turning around, I rinsed my hair and washed my face, determined to leave #Noah locked up tight at the back of my mind, where he belonged.

My coffee was still warm when I got out of the shower, and I chugged it back before I decided to eat something more substantial than the poptart I’d crammed after I got home last night. I turned up the air in the apartment, rubbing a towel through my wet hair after I got dressed. I was nothing but nipples in this ice box. Dumping the towel in my laundry basket, I grabbed my phone and took it with me into the living room. Getting comfortable on the sofa, I saw several more missed calls, blowing out a breath at the way it made me feel. Nervous. Apprehensive. The thing that surprised me the most? The lack of my heart skipping a beat. There was none of that weird energy that usually filled me, making me feel like I couldn’t sit still. Maybe I really was finally getting over Noah. Letting go of all the hurt, resentment and frustration was good for my soul. So was Chinese food. Muting Noah’s number so he would fade into the oblivion of missed notifications, I ordered dinner, firing off a text to Dillon to tell him I’d ordered his favorite orange chicken and was planning to eat it all. The minute my phone pinged with his response, I was laughing. “You’re going to die alone and fat. With a dozen cats that will eat your face.” I set my phone down, grabbing the Apple TV remote from the coffee table. Every girl needed some McDreamy on a Friday night. Dillon had already spoiled it for me, so I knew my days with Derek Shepard were numbered. Meredith Grey was a lucky bitch. I needed all that pick me, choose me, love me crap. Men like him didn’t really exist and it gave women like me unrealistic expectations. It was probably why I kept going back to a guy who could promise me nothing but multiple orgasms. The sigh that left my lips was real. I’d heard every pick up line, every cheesy come-on. Working at a bar had served me well over the years. I’d been a therapist, agony aunt and a consoler of the heartbroken for years. Heard every kind of scandalous story you could imagine, and seen more bathroom stall sex than I cared to. I’d also been hit on so many times that I was immune to it. I could shoot the shit with just about anyone without a single dent in my bumper. Well, except for the Noah sized one, and I was looking for a good mechanic to pop that out. I got swept away in the show, jumping out of my skin when the doorbell rang. Shit. I grabbed some cash from my purse, counting it as I went to the door. Yeah, I had enough and then some for a tip. I went to pull the door open, soft laughter escaping when I realized that Dillon had double locked the door. Flipping the latch back, I pulled the door open, my breath hitching in my throat when I saw #Noah on the other side of the door. “We need to talk.”

Story first published on Twitter. Find me on @GiveMeAThrilI.

[chocolatequeennk]

Under Cover of Darkness, 7/8

AKA the Pirates AU for rudennotgingr Ten x Rose

Pirates roam the waters surrounding the islands of the Kasterborous Constellation, but not all of them are what they seem. When Lady Rose Tyler rejoins her parents in the Gallifreyan colony, she meets two men: James McCrimmon, the first nobleman who doesn’t bore her to tears, and the Doctor, a pirate who promises to keep her safe… from the pirates. What is going on in the Constellation, and how is it connected to the nefarious doings of the Master?

(This chapter not on ff.net yet--hopefully this afternoon.)

@doctorroseprompts

Rating: Teen

AO3 | ff.net | Teaspoon | Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6

The Tardis glided through the waters of the Constellation, with the sun on her deck and the wind at her back. Jack stood on the quarterdeck with his hand on the wheel and squinted through a mild headache.

The crew had spent the night unloading their loot on Powell Isle, Mickey’s home and one of the poorer islands in the region. And when they were done, they’d all enjoyed several glasses of excellent rum at the tavern where Lady Tyler and Lady Rose had been working when Lord Tyler found them again.

The results of the night were threefold: he was feeling a little worse for the wear today, the unburdened Tardis was flying over the water, and he had a greater understanding and respect for the woman James had chosen to marry.

“Captain!”

Jack’s head swung up so he could see the lookout. “Tell me you’ve got good news for me, Nancy!” he called back to the young woman in the crow’s nest.

Even with the distance in between them, he could tell she was shaking her head—her dark braid swung heavily from side to side before dropping over her right shoulder. “I just spotted the Master, sir.” Jack swore, but she shook her head again. “He’s not changing course to intercept. He’s going north by northwest.”

Jack quickly visualised a map of the Constellation, and he swore again. “He’s going to Arcadia.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Keep an eye out,” Jack ordered. “Let me know if you spot him again.”

He turned the wheel, pointing the ship towards Arcadia. He could think of only one reason the Master would be sailing for the Governor’s island. He just hoped they could get there in time to save Rose.

oOoOo

Rose hummed a soft tune as she walked home from the Wolf and the Storm. Her afternoon with Wilf and Dona had been merrier than usual, as they celebrated the first real victory over the Daleks in years. The fact that it had been won by pirates, not the Navy, didn’t make it any less important in the ongoing war.

Rose’s secret hopes had already turned to thoughts of James coming home with a letter of marque and a wedding with her dashing pirate captain. After a six-month separation, she had no desire to put the ceremony off any longer than they had to.

As she walked past an alley, a hand shot out and grabbed her. Another hand clamped down over her mouth, stifling her scream. Her attacker wrapped an arm around her torso, pinning her arms to her sides and forcing her to stand uncomfortably close to him.

“Shhh, let me explain,” he whispered in her ear when she struggled and kicked at him, trying to get free.  

Rose twisted her neck so she could look at him, letting him see exactly what she thought of his orders. To her annoyance, the man whistled, then a slow smile spread across his face.

“I can see why the Doc fell in love with you,” he murmured. “Definitely nothing like the other ladies he’s met.”

Rose’s struggles slowed as the man’s words sank in. She could only think of two pirates who might know she was courting the Doctor, and this man didn’t seem to possess the cruelty that characterised the Master. She raised her eyebrows at him, hoping it would convey her question.

The man frowned, but only for a second. “Oh! I’m Captain Jack Harkness. Jamie told you about me, remember? The one he wasn’t sure he wanted to introduce you to?”

Relief swept over Rose, and she nodded furiously. Jack grinned at her, and in his smile, she could see what James meant about the other man being a flirt. She rolled her eyes at him, and he released her with a chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Lady Rose. I have no designs on my best friend’s love.”

“Good,” Rose retorted, though not without a smile. “Now, where exactly is James? What kind of plan did you come up with? And why are you here?”

Jack reached for her hand and pulled her through the alleyway. “The plan has been shot to hell,” he said bluntly. “And we need to get away from Arcadia before it’s too late.”

For the first time, Rose spotted the lines around his mouth and realised how low he was keeping his voice. This part of Arcadia was not unfriendly to pirates, so why was he being so secretive?

Jack stopped at the other end of the alley and looked around the corner, his gaze sweeping in both directions before he quickly pulled Rose across the street.

“What exactly is going on, Jack?” Rose demanded when they reached the other side.

He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. “All right, taking your questions one at a time,” he said as they strode through the abandoned alley. “The Doctor is on Cadon, but I think you knew that already. As to our plan and why all the secrecy… The Master threatened you a few months ago. Well, the Doc has never been willing to take him down, but a threat to your life was enough to push him over the edge.”

Jack looked up at her, and the serious expression in his blue eyes hit Rose hard. “The Doctor loves you, Lady Rose. He would do anything to keep you safe.”

Rose swallowed back the sudden lump in her throat. “And I love him. So you can imagine how it felt when I thought he might have been taken by the Daleks. Even though I realised almost immediately that it was some sort of ruse… that first hour hurt. And not knowing where he is or what he’s doing still hurts.”

She looked away from him to regain control of her emotions, and as she did, she took in her surroundings. Jack was slowly leading her towards the abandoned harbour on the opposite end of town from the newer port.

When she looked at Jack again, his blue eyes were soft with sympathy. “I’m sorry for that, especially since the plan was my idea. But if it works, you’ll have him back permanently. The end goal is to capture the Master and turn him in in exchange for a letter of marque. That’s why he liberated Cadon first—to lure the Master over the blockade and into a trap.”

“Yes, I’d worked out most of that. And I think my father is ready to give him that letter, even just with the liberation of Cadon. Capturing the Master will be the icing on the cake.”

They stopped on the edge of the road that ran along the old harbour, and Jack shook his head. “No, capturing the Master is the most important part,” he countered. He scanned their surroundings before looking back at her. “Because it’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Rose tilted her head and thought for a second, then sucked in a breath. “The Master was on his way to Arcadia to abduct me, wasn’t he?” she whispered.

Jack nodded once, then jerked his head toward the pier where Rose could see a small dinghy waiting. They ran across the street and down the aged dock, then jumped into the boat.

Rose got another surprise when she saw the sailor with his hand on the rudder. “Mickey!”

Her childhood friend grinned and waved at her. “Fancy meeting you here,” he quipped.

“You two know each other?” Jack asked, then answered his own question. “Right, you’re both from Powell Isle.”

He pointed at Mickey. “Get us moving.We need to get back to the Tardis now.”

Mickey unfurled the sail and Jack looked back at Rose. “Jamie said you were clever, but I didn’t expect you to figure it all out on your own,” he told her, finally answering her earlier question. “Yes, the watch spotted the Master heading this way about three hours ago. Once I realised his heading, I knew there was only one reason he would sail for Arcadia, and we took a shortcut to get here first.”

Rose moved automatically to help Mickey get the boat moving. She was a lady now, but she’d been an island girl for most of her life, and she knew her way around the water.

“You took a shortcut?” she asked Jack.

Jack nodded. “We went through the Curse of Pythia. The Master is insane, but he’s also big on self-preservation, so I knew he’d go around.”

Rose’s eyes widened. The narrow strait between Raxacoricofallapatorius and Clom was definitely the fastest way to get from the Outer Constellation into the main island group, but it was notoriously dangerous.

“That was brave.” Knowing they’d put themselves at so much risk for her sake settled uncomfortably in his stomach.

The sail caught the wind and moved them away from the dock, and Mickey snorted as he moved back to the rudder. “Took less courage to brave the Curse than it would to tell the Doctor we’d let the Master capture you,” he said bluntly.

Rose’s eyes narrowed, and Jack could easily follow her train of thought. “What Mickey means,” he said hurriedly, “is that the Tardis is loyal to her captain, and when we realised how much you meant to him, that loyalty was passed on to you.”

She raised her eyebrows and looked back and forth between Jack and Mickey, and Jack chafed under the inconvenience of being in the presence of someone so clever.

Thankfully, an excellent distraction presented itself just in time. The dinghy rounded a curve in the coastline and came in sight of the Tardis.

“Ten more minutes and we’ll be safely on the Tardis,” he told Rose. She nodded absently, then shuffled to the bow of the small boat so she could watch their progress.

oOoOo

Rose worked hard to stay out of the way while Mickey and Jack brought the dinghy up to the sleek pirate ship and had them hauled aboard. As soon as Jack’s feet touched the deck, he shouted the order to weigh anchor and get the ship underway.

Then he led her to the captain’s cabin on the quarterdeck. “I’ll come talk to you and give you a tour of the ship as soon as we’re underway,” he promised before backing out of the cabin and closing the door behind him.

Normally Rose would hate being hidden away like a helpless lady, but she didn’t mind being left alone in James’ personal space. She studied the room, taking in the books on the shelves, the heavy desk bolted to the deck, and the slight disorganisation that belied the apparent neatness.

She ran her fingers along the wall, feeling the texture of the wood and letting her imagination wander. The room felt so much like James; it was easy to picture him sitting at the desk or scanning the books on the shelves until he found the right one.

A shout caught her attention, and Rose cocked her head, straining to hear the words that accompanied the sudden buzz of activity on the other side of the door.

“The Master…”

“Keep us out of range!”

Rose sat down heavily on the end of James’ narrow bed. Jack had just barely managed to save her from being taken by the Master. Her stomach clenched in knots at the thought, and her hands twisted together.

“Bring us around…”

She braced herself from a sharp turn and managed to stay upright. However, a wooden box slid off the desk as the ship tilted into the curve, and the lid popped off, scattering its contents over the floor.

As soon as they were going straight again, Rose stooped down to pick up the papers that were strewn all over the floor. She stopped when she recognised her own writing.

My letters.

The paper in her hand shook as all the emotions of the last few months caught up with Rose at once. Seeing the letters she’d written to him, knowing he’d been the last one to hold them… Her loneliness and fear and desperate desire to be with James again swept over her. She sank down onto the floor and gathered all the letters to her.

That was how Jack found her twenty minutes later, huddled on the floor of James’ cabin, clutching the letters she’d written him to her chest. “Oh, Rosie,” he whispered, his heart aching as he took in the situation and understood what must have happened. “Come on, let’s get up off that hard floor.” He pulled Rose to her feet, then led her to the window seat at the back of the room, where warm sunlight streamed in through the large window.

“Am I ever going to see him again, Jack?” she whispered.

Jack wrapped an arm around her shoulders, feeling a surge of brotherly protection towards this woman even though they’d just met. James was his brother, though, and Rose was the woman he loved.

“Well, as it happens,” he said, his voice cheerful, “we’re on our way to meet him right now.”

Rose’s head swung around, and her brown eyes were open wide. “We’re going through the blockade?” A moment later, she shook her head. “Of course. That was the plan the whole time, wasn’t it? That’s why he liberated Cadon first—so the Master would be curious enough about what was happening that he would go into Dalek territory. And you were meant to follow him, trapping him between James’ ship and the Tardis.”

Jack nodded. “We’ve reversed order a bit,” he admitted. “The Master is chasing us instead of the other way around. But between the fact that we have you on board, and his preexisting interest in James, I’m confident he’ll follow us through the blockade.”

oOoOo

James smiled and waved at another refugee as he walked through Cadon’s port. The first refugees had arrived within twenty-four hours of their victory, Sarah Jane’s communication network spreading the word quickly.

The cry of seagulls caught his ear, and his gaze drifted out to sea. It was a clear day with a straight wind—the perfect day to be on the water.

He sighed and raked his hand through his hair. But I am stuck here until Jack sends word that they are on their way.

That was perhaps his second least favourite part of Jack’s plan. (The first, of course, being letting Rose think he was captured and cutting off all contact with her.) He had been stuck on land before, but on Arcadia he had the life of Lord McCrimmon to keep him busy.

And lately, I’ve been with Rose.

“I’m surprised you’re still here.”

James glanced over at Jake, who had come alongside him without him realising. “That was the plan,” he reminded him. “I have to be here when Jack sends word, or we might miss our chance to trap the Master.”

“Yeah, I know what the plan is,” Jake said, his island accent thick with exasperation. “But there’s no reason you can’t patrol the area around Cadon until Jack signals.”

“You’ve been on patrol in the White Point Star,” James protested.

“And now you’ll be on patrol in the Arkytior.”

James opened his mouth, then blinked in surprise when Jake slapped his hand over it.

“Not to mention you’re a bloody nightmare, staring out at the ocean like a bleedin’ sorrowful lover,” he added.

He pulled his hand away and rocked back on his heels, a cheeky grin on his face. “Your crew have been getting the Arkytior ready for the last two days. She’ll be ready to sail in the morning.”

James narrowed his eyes and considered the surreptitious smiles he’d seen on his crew’s faces over the last few days. He’d assumed they were planning for their new lives, post-war, but it seemed their plans were much more of a more imminent nature.

Jake winked, then spun on his heel and swaggered down the street like a proper pirate.

The seagulls cried again, and this time excitement pulsed through James’ veins as followed their call. Tomorrow he would be back at sea.

oOoOo

The sky was still faintly tinted pink when James placed his hands on the Arkytior’s wheel the next morning. He could hear the sound of the mainsail unfurling above him, and he could feel the rhythm of the waves below him.

They were almost to the edge of the harbour when he heard a cry from the watch. “A pigeon! There’s a pigeon coming our way.”

James’ heart was in his throat as he waited for the watch to swing down from the crow’s nest with the message in hand. “For you, Captain,” the young man said, handing over the wooden canister.

James opened it and pulled out the tightly rolled up piece of paper. A grin crept over his face when he recognised the handwriting.

Ready whenever you are, Doc.

-Jack

James tucked the note in his pocket, then raised a shout to his crew. “We make for the blockade! Open all the sails and let her fly.”

Anticipation thrummed through James as he took the wheel again, this time with a course in mind. It was finally time to meet the Master and earn his future with Rose.

[ludi-ling]

Romy Prompt #1

Fair & Square

               It’s still strange to kiss without being scared, without the crazy avalanche of memories.

               Hell, it’s just strange to be kissing at all.

               Especially now, here, with him.

               Don’t get me wrong – it isn’t like this is the first time we’ve kissed, or even the second or third… or maybe even the tenth, if I think about it.

               What’s strange is the both of us being absolutely powerless; and what’s even stranger is that only a couple of days ago I’d dragged him away from the pearly gates of heaven itself, and I could’a sworn ever since then he’s been angry with me.

               Nah – angry don’t even cut it. He’s been worse than angry – distant, stand-offish.

               I’d stolen his redemption from him, and now he’s powerless and vulnerable in a way he’s never been before. I know it don’t sit well with him – hell, it don’t sit well with me – but I did it because I love the man, and I don’t regret it for a moment.

               I have no idea what he’s been through, but the hell we shared with Vargas made me sure of one thing – I ain’t done with him, and I’m gonna fight tooth and nail to keep him till my dying breath. I want more, and for once, I ain’t afraid to tell him so.

               I want a lifetime, I’d said to him.

               I’d asked him for everything.

               And he hadn’t said no.

               He ain’t given an unequivocal ‘yes’ neither, but I’ll take what I can get from Remy LeBeau.

               Our kiss is over all too soon, and I don’t dare to press for more – I feel like I may be pushing for luck. For a moment we sway together in time to the band, neither of us saying a thing. It ain’t too often we get moments, let alone kisses, like these – the best we can do is savour it.

               “You wanna go back?” I finally ask him. “Join the others?”

               His swaying slows slightly.

               “Do you wanna?” he asks me instead. I barely need to think about my answer.

               “No,” I reply simply. “Not if you don’t wanna.” I raise my head and look at him, feeling the need to finally speak the unspoken.

               “Listen – sugar. I know what I took away from you, Remy. But I want ya to know I did what I did ‘cos I love ya. ‘Cos I ain’t ready to lose ya. And—”

               “Shh.” He places a forefinger against my lips, silencing me – the texture of his skin on mine still so wonderfully alien. “I know why you did it, Rogue,” he says. “You don’t need t’explain.”

               “Don’t I?” I say, doubtful.

               “Non.” His thumb caresses my lips softly. “I ain’t angry at you, chere. I may’ve been, a li’l bit. At first. Not anymore.”

               I slowly release a pent-up breath. Till this moment, it ain’t hit me how much I’ve needed him to give me that reassurance.

               “You sure?”

               “I’m sure.”

               Silence follows, interrupted by the sudden swell of laughter from the nearby party. He starts swaying again and I follow, our arms around one another.

               “You wanna head somewhere more private?” he asks, resting his chin in my hair.

               I lean back, press my hips against his, and quirk him a smirk.

               “Private, huh? Private as in what exactly, sugar?”

               He cocks a lazy smile.

               “Well, you got the best room in the house, cherie. Mind if I take a li’l peek?”

               I roll my eyes. When we’d first got here, in this incredible house Destiny had secretly bequeathed to me, right in the Garden Quarter of the Big Easy – Remy had been in terrible shape. He’d gotten his own room, and his own carer, in the person of our old friend, Beast – and, under doctor’s orders, I’d been careful not to ‘excite’ him. His brooding had made sure that wasn’t a problem.  The past few days he’s been up and about, almost like normal – as normal as he can be, after nearly losing his life – and while there have been touches and kisses, he’s still been holding something back. Which is why I’m kind surprised he���s choosing now to be flirty.

               “Remy LeBeau,” I scold him sarcastically, “you passed out on my bed last night – don’t pretend you ain’t seen inside my room!”

               “That was on top of your covers,” he drawls, “I was thinkin’ more inside o’them.”

               I slap his cheek playfully.

               “Are ya even sure ya even got the strength to go messin’ around, Cajun? I thought doctor’s orders were not to get over excited!”

               “Doc just gave me a clean bill o’ health,” he grins too smugly for my liking. “As good as I ever was, Hank says. Superb shape. So I think that’s permission for some ‘excitement’, neh?”

               Well, knock me down a feather! Seems like the boy might be recovered after all!

               And I can’t say I ain’t been anxious to try things out between us without anything but skin in the way… …

               “All right, sugar,” I say, half turning and drawing his arm firmly round my waist. “Lemme give ya that ‘sneak peek’ you’ve been waitin’ for.”

-oOo-

               I lead him up through gorgeously furnished and decorated corridors to my room.

               I’m on tenterhooks for this, like some kid in a candy shop.

               I love him, and he loves me – he told me so, at the gates of heaven no less. Doesn’t matter if we’re still too dumbfuck, even at this point, to translate that into anything more than ‘taking things day by day’ and ‘seeing where it leads’.

               Hey, you know what really sucks? I ain’t never had this boy fair and square. First time was in some godforsaken cave in the middle of Antarctica, fearing that either one or both of us would die the next day. And the second time was when his powers were at maximum control thanks to Sinny, and the static charges any contact created between us was, while fun while it lasted, hardly conducive to no-holds-barred fucking.

               I want him on my own terms.

               I’m about to.

               I can hardly contain myself, I’m so excited. Nervous too, but… …

               We’re kissing as we enter the bedroom; he kicks the door shut behind us, and we’re already undressing each other as he backs me up towards the dresser with this dominating masculinity that in normal circumstances would have me pushing back just by instinct, but right now is the sexiest damn thing he could be doing.

               As soon as my ass hits the dresser he hoists me up onto it, wedging up in the space between my legs as his mouth leaves mine and blazes an angry trail down my neck. I’m on horrible, all-consuming fire, a familiar hot wetness blooming up inside me. I fumble between us for his flies, and my fingers are shaking with impatience as I finally unzip him free… and suddenly, he’s in my hand.

               He moans.

               Lord, but you do not know what the sound of that does to me.

               Then he cusses through his teeth, backs away slightly, hooks my legs at the knees and lifts them. My feet slam noisily onto the dresser. I’m wide open to him, and he grabs at the waistline of my pants and underwear, yanking them roughly down past my ass and thighs, and I wriggle to accommodate him, eager to shake off my clothing.

               He’s impatient, animal almost, intimidating in a way that thrills me. I feel… weird, but not in an unpleasant way. This ain’t the first time we’ve done this, and it’s a long time since I’ve been a virgin, thanks to him. We’ve messed around as much as we’ve been able with my toxic skin, which has been… an education. But the power differential has always been lurking there between us. He knows I could kick his skinny Cajun ass into the middle of next week if I wanted to, and I’ve always wondered what it felt like for a man like him to acknowledge that his woman could physically beat him into a pulp if he tried anything funny.

               Hell, maybe it turns him on – maybe I should ask him.

               Not that it matters anymore. Now I’m just like any woman, and the weirdness I feel is from the thread of vulnerability not having my powers anymore gives me. It isn’t like the first time. The first time he was patient, tender, loving. Now he’s… something else.

               My pants are off.

               He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and suddenly he’s slapping a condom into my hand.

               Gotta love this Cajun – he always comes prepared.

               This is something we’ve practiced scores of times before, and between him shucking off his pants and my quivering desire, I somehow get it on him. Ha – don’t have to worry about skin on skin contact this time round – he always swore the long drawn-out, uber-careful methods I’d had to take before were hot as fuck, but slow is not what we’re aiming for right now, not by any stretch of the imagination. We’re both as rabid as a couple of rabbits on heat, and as soon as he’s suited up, he grabs my ass, scoots me forward to the edge of the dresser and—

               He’s surging up inside me so hard and fast I’m crying out into his shoulder.

               Damn.

               My body is suddenly reminding me that I don’t have invulnerability anymore.

               He freezes right up there inside me, says shakily, breathlessly into my hair: “S-sorry.”

               I breathe in deep, sucking up the scent, the taste of his skin. The stars behind my eyes start to fade a bit.

               “I-I’m okay,” I whisper back hoarsely – my mouth is dry.

               He backs up a bit, kisses my forehead softly, looks into my eyes.

               “Don’t wanna hurt ya…” he says, and I grab his face, saying:

               “I’m fine. Don’t stop.”

               I pull his face down into another kiss.

               And neither of us stops, for a little while at least.

-oOo-

               We’re lying side by side, listening to the sounds of the party outside.

               My body is still a tingling fuzz of pleasure, swimming lazily in and out of the haze of exhaustion.

               “They’re probably wondering where we are,” I murmur aloud. Beside me, Remy chuckles softly.

               “No, chere. They ain’t.”

               I huff a lose strand of hair out of my face. No, they probably ain’t.

               “Speakin’ of the others,” I say after a moment. “What did ya think of Jean’s pitch about headin’ back to the mansion?”

               “Sounded good,” he answers drily, “but that pitch wasn’t aimed at me. It was aimed at you folks. And y’all know I ain’t part of your ‘X-Treme X-Men’ outfit.” He pauses, adds under his breath, “which is the dumbest team name of all time, by the way.”

               “Oh, quit bein’ a baby,” I nudge in the ribs with an elbow – I ain’t strong enough to even elicit an oof from him these days. “Ya know you’re one of us! And you know as well as I do that Jean was includin’ you in her invitation!”

               “I dunno,” he shrugs, staring at the ceiling. “I was havin’ fun wonderin’ round thievin’. Just like the ol’ days. Shame that Vargas fella had to come along and ruin it all.”

               He sighs, and I can read the unspoken easily – he’s missing his powers. I sure as hell ain’t.

               “Remy,” I roll onto my side and lean my head into my hand, “if you wanna talk about what happened with Vargas, I—”

               His eyes flash to mine and he silences me.

               “Hey, listen. Let’s not get back on this track again, Rogue. What’s done is done. I don’t regret it now. Honestly.”

               I’m still not sure I believe him.

               “You would’ve died,” I say quietly, averting my eyes and tracing the line of the already-fading scar marring his breast. “I couldn’t let you. Y’see, I realised somethin’,” and I raise my gaze to his again, ready to be honest. “I can’t live without you. So many times we’ve been apart, and you know what? Knowing you’re still out there keeps me going. I didn’t even realise it until I nearly lost you.”

               A slight smile curves his lips – he raises and hand and tucks a lock of white hair tenderly behind my ear.

               “Same,” he murmurs. He looks thoughtful for a moment, and the smile drops as he says: “What do you want, chere? Do you wanna head back to the mansion? Join back up with the X-Men?”

               I think about it. And all I can really say is that I want what I wanted before. Everything.

               “I want our lifetime,” I reply simply. “Even if it means havin’ t’ take things day by day.”

               This time his smile is kinda sad. I know he’s not the type to promise everything – he never has been. I don’t expect it from him. I guess I never really have.

               “Okay, well,” he finally says, “I got a better idea.”

               “Better than what?”

               “Better than goin’ back t’the mansion.”

               I raise an eyebrow.

               “Really? Okay, let’s hear it.”

               “Well,” he begins, massaging his fingers through my hair luxuriantly, “how ‘bout you and I take t’the road… see where it leads us? Just you, me and whatever we have with us right now.”

               I stare at him.

               I can’t get words out. I can’t tell whether he’s being serious or not.

               “What?” I finally blurt out.

               “You want more,” he replies, his eyes tracing my mouth, that oh-so-familiar cocky smile forming on his lips again. “I guess I do too.”

               “Oh,” I snit back at him pointedly. “Ya ‘guess’ ya do?”

               He stops massaging my hair, locks his eyes onto mine again, all trace of that smile gone.

               “Yeah,” he says. “I do. And we ain’t gonna go nowhere together bein’ back at that mansion. No offence to the Brady Bunch an’ all – I love ‘em to pieces, sure I do – but all they ever do is stick their noses in and stir shit. B’sides,” he addes nonchalantly, “we ain’t got no superhero powers no more. What good we gonna do the X-Men?”

               I pout, knowing they’d take us back anyway – but that’s not the point.

               “Listen, chere,” he continues, this time in a more pressing tone, “I wanna figure out what we got goin’ together. And we ain’t never gonna be able t’do that with the X-Men always in our lives. Now we have the chance t’be a normal couple – whatever ‘normal’ means. Hell, I don’t know what the hell it means, but I’m willin’ to find out. We hit the road, we get to find out what bein’ together means on our own terms – no pryin’ eyes. No distractions but each other. Whaddya say, Rogue?”

               I think about it. For a second I wonder whether he’s charming me, before I realise – he doesn’t have that power anymore. This is all just me.

               I can’t believe he’s offering this to me – I can’t believe I could say anything but yes.

               “Anna,” I say.

               “Huh?” He blinks.

               “My name is Anna. And yeah. I say we hit the road.”

               He smiles, slow and sexy.

               “Y’know somethin’?” he asks, his fingers kneading my scalp again, sending shivers down my spine.

               “What?”

               “Your hair. I miss also those sexy, wild curls o’ yours. You gonna grow it out again any time soon?”

               I scoff.

               “I’ll consider it, Cajun.”

               He laughs softly, teasing me back towards him.

               “All right, Anna.” He pauses a moment, adds, “I’m gonna haveta get used t’that.”

               “Ya don’t have to, sugar,” I assure him, leaning in closer. “I prefer Rogue.”

               “Me too,” he murmurs; and we seal our deal with a kiss.

-END-

[cali-holland]

Always You, Part Two- Tom Holland Mini Series

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader; little bit of Harrison Osterfield X Reader

Prompt: A drunken night 5 years later leads to a very awkward encounter between you, Tom, Harrison, and your roommate… but when Tessa goes missing, you have to face your past with Tom. 

Word Count: 5700

Warnings: parent issues; mentions of anxiety and sex; drinking; swearing

Loosely Based On: What Your Father Says by the Vamps

Part One

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“Georgia, really, I don’t want to go out tonight.” You told your roommate, a.k.a. your best friend.

“You promised we’d go out for drinks once school was over. And we’ve got three reasons to celebrate tonight: we’re back home in Kingston, my friend, Caleb, is throwing two parties this weekend back-to-back, and we just graduated from Cambridge- and you were first class!” She emphasized the last part, by far your proudest achievement.

“You’re not wrong.” You let out a sigh, biting back a smile.

While away at Cambridge, you got a job through the university, which helped you to save up for your life outside of college. You remained on your parents’ good side throughout college, letting them uphold their end of the deal while you upheld yours. Your parents continued to pay for you through college and you hadn’t talked to Tom since you slipped out on him that night. For the first several months, it hurt like hell to think about it, but eventually your focus on academics numbed away the pain. Now, you were free from your parents, living on your own with a job lined up for the next month in Kingston at a law firm.

You still lived with your past haunting you, but Tom seemingly moved on with his life. He landed the role of Spider-Man, just like you knew he would. You couldn’t bring yourself to watch any of his movies; it hurt you too much to relive that pain of leaving him. Fortunately for you though, your roommate didn’t watch any of his movies either.

“This weekend is party weekend. We’ve worked our asses off for years for this, especially you.” She said.

“Fine. But I don’t want to be out too late tonight, alright?” You asked, standing up from your bed and looking through your closet for something to wear.

“That works. We’ll get you all loosened up tonight, and then tomorrow night you’ll go wild.”

“Oh god, one day at a time.” You teased as she walked out of your room laughing.

Later that night, you two arrived at the party and you felt yourself grow anxious over the new social scene. You were a 23 year old college graduate and this was the first party you had ever gone to.

“Let’s get drinks.” Georgia said, grabbing your hand and pulling you through the crowd. You didn’t know how she managed to maneuver through all of this, but you two eventually landed at the make-shift bar. You reached for a cup of beer, but she stopped you.

“Y/N, shots! This is good vodka, too!” She insisted, but you shook your head.

“I’ll do shots tomorrow. You said tonight was to loosen up for tomorrow, right?” You replied, taking the cup anyway. She laughed before throwing back a shot.

“You got me there.” She stated, taking another one.

A little while later, you had somehow lost Georgia in the crowd. You sipped on your single beer for a few hours before finally deciding you wanted to leave. You went searching through the crowd only to find her down a quieter hallway, pressed up against someone.

“Georgia, come on.” You said, grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the stranger. You wanted to leave so badly that you didn’t even look at who she’d been making out with. As you two walked away, you could’ve sworn you heard someone call out your name. Shaking your head, you went outside to get a cab with your drunk roommate.

“I can’t believe you cockblocked me.” Georgia slurred as you two arrived home.

“There’s always tomorrow night.” You informed her, not paying much mind to her words. “Do you even know his name?”

“Tod? I think?” It came out as more of a question than an answer. “I don’t care. Let me tell you though, the boy knows how to kiss. His tongue was heavenly. Damn, I wonder-“

“God, please stop talking.” You groaned. You continued helping her get to sleep safely before heading to sleep in your own room.

But you couldn’t sleep. The calendar on your wall reminded you that it was arguably one of the worst days of your life. It marked five years to the day of you leaving Tom; five years ago tomorrow, you left him for Cambridge. Every year the ‘break up’ (if you could even call it that) hurts a little bit more than the year before- as you were always left pondering on the what if’s.

“No. Not this year.” You told yourself, shaking your head. “This year, I’m moving on. I’m going to go to that party with Georgia, I’m going to have fun, and I’m going to hook up with someone.” You paused, “Maybe.”

You weren’t sure when you drifted off to sleep, but you know that you ended up having the same terrible nightmare of seeing Tom again and having to explain yourself. It was the same nightmare every time- Tom standing before you with the saddest look on his face and you crying out into the void, apologizing for everything. It always ended the same too, with him turning away and leaving you as if he hadn’t heard you say a word. If you had to really pinpoint a reason as to why you haven’t even tried to speak to him in all these years, it was because you were still in love with him and you couldn’t handle facing him again.

“Morning.” Georgia said as you made your way into the kitchen. She sat at the kitchen bar, eating a bowl of Cheerios. A bottle of blue gatorade sat beside her, half full.

“What’s with the gatorade?” You asked.

“Hangover.” She replied, “Gatorade and plain ass cheerios are the only thing that work for me.”

“I was wondering why we didn’t have the good Cheerios.” You laughed, getting yourself a bowl of cereal. Though you only really had a few hours of sleep and your heart was aching, you bit it down and maintained your new “moving on” persona.

“Did I drink tequila last night?” She asked.

“I think it was vodka.” You answered, “Why?”

“I taste tequila, and I don’t like it.” Georgia scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“Maybe the guy you were snogging had tequila.” You teased and she let out a small groan.

“I have to say, I’m still mad at you for cockblocking me. He was so hot.”

“You don’t even remember his name.” You laughed at her in disbelief.

“I hope he goes back to Caleb’s tonight.” She stated, before asking, “Wait, are you still on for tonight? I don’t want to drag you out again. I feel bad for leaving you last night.”

“I want to go tonight. Like you said, last night was to loosen me up. We’re doing shots tonight.” You told her, making her smile.

“That makes me so excited.” She replied eagerly as you laughed. You were in for it tonight.

Several hours later, you and Georgia showed up at the same house for the same party, just a day later. You kept reminding yourself to be free, to move on and be your own person tonight. Once inside, Georgia immediately took you to the bar.

“You ready?” She asked you, making sure you were okay.

“God, I can’t believe I’m 23 and this is my first shot.” You laughed, “Cheers.” The two of you took the shot back and you made a disgusted face at the bitter taste.

“You’ll get the hang of it.” Georgia reassured you, handing you another shot.

You and Georgia drank and danced for a while until you felt your familiar social anxiety overcome you as the alcohol began to disappear. You excused yourself onto the quiet back patio, leaving your friend to continue to have fun inside. You leaned against the back of a patio chair as you let out a deep breath.

“Y/N?” It was the same quiet voice as last night, calling out to you. You thought you had just envisioned it in your head the previous night, and now you were concerned that the alcohol may be having a bigger effect on you than you lead on. But the voice sounded familiar, like home. Curious as to who the owner of the mysterious voice was, you slowly turned around. You felt your heart drop in your chest and you swore you stopped breathing for a moment.

“Tom?” You managed to squeak out as you registered who stood before you. Tom stood across the patio from you, and there was a stiffness that filled the air between you two. Both of you in disbelief of the other’s presence.

“What are you doing out here?” He asked. You could tell by his rigid stance that he didn’t want to step closer to you, that he didn’t want to make the conversation seem more intimate.

“I needed some air.” You replied. Between the alcohol in your system and your ex-boyfriend standing in front of you, you couldn’t think straight at all. “Why are you out here?”

“I needed to see if it was actually you.” Tom said quietly, and you crossed your arms uncomfortably. Another pause filled the air as both of you thought of something to say. Every time you tried to speak up and apologize, your nightmare flashed into your head. You couldn’t handle watching him walk away from you in your dreams, you knew you couldn’t handle that in person. “Can we talk?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. You were torn, unable to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. So you did the one thing you knew how to do- you left him out on the patio without another word. You ran off the bathroom, feeling your heartbreak with each step of the way. Today was supposed to be the beginning of truly moving on, but it only left you feeling heartbroken and empty.

After a few minutes, you calmed yourself down and you made your way back out to the party. You were walking towards the bar when you saw Tom standing there, taking back a few drinks. Your focus was diverted as a tall blond stepped in front of view. You didn’t catch the specifics of any of his flirty remarks, your mind still trapped on Tom. You looked at the flirty drunk in front of you. He was cute with attractive blue eyes- and he was drunk, and you were drunk.

‘I’m going to hook up with someone.’ You mentally told yourself again.

Feeling a sudden surge of liquid courage, you wrapped your arms around the stranger’s neck, pulling him down to kiss you. Deepening the kiss, his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer to him. It felt so wrong to use this stranger as a distraction, but it felt so right at the same time.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, signaling to you that Georgia was trying to get a hold of you. You pulled away from the stranger.

“One moment.” You said, letting go of him so that you could get your phone out.

“You got a boyfriend I should be worried about?” He asked with a laugh.

“No.” You shook your head. You checked your phone to see a new text from Georgia.

‘Tongue guy from last night is here. Do you mind if I hook up with him at our place? Are you okay if I leave?’ She asked.

‘You’re fine. I found my own tongue guy. See you tomorrow.’ You texted her back, before putting your phone in your pocket.

“Where were we?” You asked, turning back to the guy before you.

“Wanna go back to my place, doll?” He asked.

“I need a name first.” You teased.

“Harrison.” He replied with a charming smile. “What’s yours?”

“Y/N.”

And just like that, Harrison swept you off through the crowd, taking you home.

~~~

When you woke up the next morning, you were still wrapped up in Harrison’s arms. His sleeping form looked so peaceful, and you began to feel disgusted with yourself from your actions. You had used him as a distraction from your ex-boyfriend while you were both drunk.

You slowly shifted out of Harrison’s embrace, but before you could slip out of his bed undetected, he woke up.

“Are you leaving?” He asked, his voice groggy with sleep.

“I was going to get dressed.” You replied, looking over at him as he sat up, the blankets pooling around his waist as he did so.

“If you’re going to slip out on me, at least let me make you breakfast.” Harrison said, a soft smile on his face. As he got out of the bed and made his way over to his dresser, you looked at him in disbelief.

“How did you-”

“Know you were trying to leave?” He finished your thought as he tugged on some boxers.

“Yeah,”

“Let me guess, you don’t really do hookups all that often?” He asked. The same charming smile on his face.

“Was I really that bad?” You questioned, embarrassed.

“No, no.” Harrison laughed, shaking his head. “You were great. I just mean, you’re not that good at sneaking out. You should’ve left before sunrise. Guys are less likely to wake up the earlier you sneak out.”

“Are you an expert on sneaking out?” You teased. Harrison held out a grey t-shirt for you.

“I’d say I’m more of an expert on the morning after.” He said as you took his shirt and put it on.

“Do you pull the breakfast and shirt thing on all the girls?” You asked.

“Only the ones that I want to come back to me.” Harrison stated, “So, breakfast?”

The two of you made your way into the kitchen with him only wearing his boxers and you only wearing his shirt. You could tell that you two looked like a walking hookup by that and your matching messy hair.

“Do you live here alone?” You asked, thinking the apartment was far too nice for just one person to rent.

“No, my roommate actually hooked up with a girl last night too.” Harrison laughed, beginning to make you a breakfast of eggs and bacon.

“Don’t tell me it was a bet for both of you to get laid last night.” You teased.

“It was a coincidence.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

As you and Harrison talked and ate, you felt yourself growing more comfortable with the whole ‘hookup’ thing. He was by far more experienced than you; you doubted he spent his whole life solely dedicated to his academic career like you did.

When you finally made it back to your own apartment, your hair was in a disheveled bun and you wore Harrison’s shirt and your shorts from last night. You tried to sneak your way into the shower, avoiding your roommate spotting you on your walk of shame, but luck wasn’t on your side.

“Someone looks like they had a good night, and a good morning too.” Georgia teased when she saw you.

“I hooked up with a stranger at a party, are you happy?” You joked.

“As long as you don’t regret it.” She said, “Did you enjoy it?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, blushing at the thought of Harrison.

“Look at you. You got laid and now you’re all shy.”

“Shut up.” You groaned, “How was your night?”

“Honestly, he could’ve been better. His dick was big, but the sex was meh.”

“‘Meh’?” You repeated.

“I could tell he’s basically a virgin. He’s probably fucked one other girl.”

“Harsh, much?”

“Well, it’s true. He wasn’t the worst. I’ll probably call him up later, if he still wants to hookup.” She stated, teasingly, “Don’t act like you’re much different. I know you were a virgin up until last night.”

“I wasn’t actually.” You said, and you swore her jaw dropped.

“You weren’t a virgin? I thought all you did until I came along was read books.” Georgia joked. “Okay, tell me. Were you dating or was it a hookup?”

“We dated for two years, but we broke up because I went to Cambridge.” You explained, fiddling with Harrison’s t-shirt nervously. “Actually, yesterday marked five years since we broke up.”

“Oh, Y/N,” She let out a small sigh, pulling you in for a hug as she noticed your discomfort.

“It’s fine. He was at the party last night though, and so-”

“Your hookup was a five year late rebound?” She asked.

“I guess,” You shrugged, not really knowing if you’d want to even consider it a rebound. Deciding you couldn’t handle more of a sex conversation with Georgia, you turned to head to your room, telling her you needed a shower. You had to escape that conversation, not wanting to think about Tom or Harrison any longer.

~~~

Your thoughts were clear of Tom and Harrison for almost a week. You and Georgia had decided to go for a leisure jog through the trail by your old house one morning when the sun was up and shining.

“So you really haven’t texted him back?” Georgia asked you.

“I just don’t know what to do. Harrison really was just a distraction for the night, and now he keeps asking about when he can see me next and get his shirt back. I mean, how am I supposed to give him his shirt back after all that?” You huffed. Harrison had texted you the day after your special morning together, and you hadn’t responded to him. You just didn’t know what to say.

How do you tell someone “I’m sorry that I only hooked up with you because I needed to distract myself from my ex from five years ago”? You just simply couldn’t say that. He was a sweet guy, too sweet for you to hurt like that

“Keep the shirt, don’t keep the shirt.” Georgia shrugged, “I gotta say though, I’m impressed that you’re still sporting a hickey. That guy did a number on you.”

“Shut up. C’mon, let’s get some water.” You said as the two of you rounded the corner for the park. You came to a halt when you saw an all too familiar figure bent over the sole drinking fountain.

It was Tom. He was all shirtless and sweaty, probably stopping during a run just as you were.

“Oh my god,” You mumbled to yourself in disbelief. Your eyes were so focused on Tom, you didn’t see Georgia’s look of recognition.

“Tom?” She spoke up, a wide smile emerging on her face. You froze, confused as to how she would know him. In all the years you’d known her, she never mentioned him; and well, you never mentioned him either. You stood a few feet away from them, unsure of how to approach the awkward situation.

“Georgia, hey.” Tom smiled, seeing her.

“I thought I recognized those abs.” She joked, her voice getting higher. You almost choked on your own spit when you realized that she was flirting- with your ex-boyfriend.

“What are you doing here? Your flat’s nowhere near here.” He asked.

“Just out for a run. My roommate grew up over here.” She pointed over to you and you watched as Tom tensed immediately. You hesitantly walked over to them.

“Tom,” You said quietly.

“Y/N,” He replied in acknowledgement.

“You two know each other?” Georgia asked. Before you and Tom could attempt at a reply, someone called out to Tom from behind you.

“Tom, holy shit, you run fast.” The voice groaned as heavy feet came to a halt. You recognized the voice immediately, feeling your cheeks redden with embarrassment.

“Y/N?” Harrison asked, surprised to see you standing there with Tom. Your face furthered reddened as you noticed that he too had neglected to wear a shirt, and so now the only two men you’ve ever been with were both right in front of you, shirtless and glistening in sweat.

“Harrison,” You forced a smile at the awkwardness of it all.

“Wait, you’re Harrison the hookup guy?” Georgia asked. At her words, you instinctively glanced over at Tom as if you expected a reaction out of him. His reaction was a subtle clenching of his jaw while he eyed the fading hickey on your neck. You weren’t sure if you were glad that Tom reacted or if it just upset you more.

“Yeah?” Harrison answeed, looking between you and Georgia. “And you are?”

“I’m Georgia, Y/N’s roommate. I was with Tom when she was with you.” She laughed as it was a clever joke, but you just wanted to sink into a hole.

“You hooked up with Harrison?” Tom questioned you, angrily. He almost sounded jealous, but why would he be jealous of that?

“You hooked up with Georgia?” You replied, matching his outburst.

“What’s the big deal with that?” Georgia spoke up and you looked over to her. You gave her your ‘are you kidding me right now’ look and she finally pieced it together, “Oh my god, you’re exes.”

Simultaneously in response, you groaned and Tom let out a huff of annoyance. Harrison just chuckled a bit nervously.

“Well, this is awkward.” Harrison said.

“Yeah,” You sighed lightly.

“We should probably get going then.” Georgia stated, grabbing your hand and pulling you away from the two boys without another word. Your stop for water was completely abandoned as you both continued back down the trail to your car as fast as possible.

“Oh my god, I’m going to die.” You groaned once you two were finally in the comfort of your own home.

“Hey, it’s not that bad.” She tried to cheer you up.

“My ex-boyfriend slept with my best friend at the same time I slept with his best friend, on the five year anniversary of our break up.” You stated.

“Did you not see what I saw today? I saw two absolutely gorgeous men out there, both of which you’ve slept with. That’s pretty remarkable considering that they’re the only men you’ve been with.”

“I know you’re trying to make this all seem better, but it’s not really working.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve never accidentally slept with my friend’s ex.” She said. If you didn’t know her, you’d think she almost sounded awkward about the topic. “On the bright side, Tom wasn’t very good. He probably hasn’t been with anyone besides you.”

“Why is that something I want to think about?” You asked, scrunching up your nose in disgust. You really, really did not want to picture Tom with Georgia; it was too wrong.

“Well, from your reaction, you’re not over him. I’m just saying he might not be over you either.” She shrugged before heading off to her room to get cleaned up. Alone with your thoughts, you started to wonder if her words had any truth behind them. It had been five years- could he really still have feelings for you?

It wasn’t until the next day that the whole situation was mentioned again between you and your roommate. Georgia had somehow managed to convince you to return Harrison’s shirt- and to attempt to find ‘closure’ with Tom. 

Which led to your current state of waiting outside of Harrison and Tom’s shared apartment with Harrison’s shirt in hand. You fiddled with your jacket pocket nervously, feeling the old ring Tom had given you resting in there. If you were going to return Harrison’s shirt and if you were going to try to get closure, then you were going to give Tom the ring back even if it broke your heart to do it.

You heard fast footsteps approaching from the other side of the door and you took an anxious breath. You weren’t sure if you were hoping for Harrison or Tom to open the door, but it was the latter.

“Y/N,” Tom said. You could tell by his raised eyebrows that he definitely wasn’t expecting to see you standing on his doorstep. 

“Hey,” You replied, awkwardly holding the word out for a little longer than normal.

“What- what are you doing here?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe. You tried to ignore his stance- he knew exactly what he was doing.

“I, uhm, wanted to return this.” You looked down at the shirt in your hands and slowly held it out to him. Tom stiffened at the reminder of yesterday’s situation.

“I was wondering where it went.” He said quietly, grabbing it out of your hands.

“It’s yours?” You asked.

“Yeah, I loaned it to him months ago, but I guess he forgot about that.” Tom laughed a little, making you crack a smile. You missed his laugh.

“Also, I have this.” You said, taking the ring out of your pocket and holding it out to him in the palm of your hand.

“I can’t take that.” His voice fell soft as his eyes stared down at the ring. 

“Please, let me find some sort of closure.”

“I’m not taking that.” Tom’s fingers delicately closing your palm around the ring. He let out a small sigh, letting go of your hand, “Look, I just got a call from Harry, and Tessa ran off. Do you want to help me find her?”

“Of course. I know how much she means to you.”

“Okay.” Tom nodded. He disappeared inside momentarily, putting the t-shirt on a side table. When he returned, he closed his door and slipped his keys into his pocket.

“Where should we start?” You asked. It was the first time you had referred to the two of you as “we” in a long time; it felt almost foreign to say it.

“I was going to try the park.” Tom replied and you both started making your way there. Rounding a corner, you let out a small laugh as you realized where you were..

“Oh, this park.” You said quietly. It was the park that you and Tom had met at; you didn’t realize that he still loved so close to his childhood home. The idea of moving out and living close to your parents was never something that crossed your mind.

“It’s her favorite spot.” He reasoned, laughing a little, “She loves to chase cats in this park.”

It was strange to walk side by side in the all too familiar park. Both of you acted as if the two of you didn’t spend your happy summer days here, as if you didn’t make out behind the large tree in the corner, as if you didn’t fall in love under the stars at this same park. As Tom split off to go look at another corner of the park, you wandered over to the tree that he had so crudely named “our make out tree” years before. A fond smile found its way onto your face as you traced over your and Tom’s initials on the tree.

“We were so young.” Tom said, appearing beside you.

“Yeah, we really were.” You sighed, dropping your hand. You turned to continue on your search for Tessa, missing Tom trace over your initials just as you did moments before.

“So, where’s Harrison?” You spoke up, wondering why his best friend and roommate wasn’t there.

“He was still asleep. I think he brought a girl home last night.” He explained, “Not to make anything awkward.”

“All four of us were drunk and horny.” You laughed, trying to push past the unfortunate situation.

“How’s Crookshanks?” Tom asked.

“I don’t know.” You replied.

“What do you mean?”

“When I left for school, my parents got rid of her. So I don’t know how she’s doing.”

“I’m sorry. You loved that cat.” He said.

“And my parents loved taking everything that I loved away from me.” You admitted. You stopped yourself from adding ‘even you’.

“Are you still at Cambridge?”

“I just graduated.”

“First class?” Tom asked, looking over at you. You nodded, embarrassed almost by the question. “I always knew you would get first class.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t easy.” You stated. Another quiet pause overcame the two of you again, until Tom spoke up.

“I was awake, you know.” His voice quiet, like he was unsure if he should’ve said that.

“Awake?” You asked for clarification. You already knew what he meant, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer.

“The morning you left for Cambridge. I woke up when you kissed me, and I thought it had to be a nightmare because there was no way that you’d leave me like that.” He paused. He sounded heartbroken, but his words had a hint of anger in them, “That whole day was a nightmare. I went to your house to say goodbye, but you weren’t there. I tried calling you, but you never answered.” Tom stopped walking, making you come to a halt with him, “Why did you leave me, leave us? I know you were worried about the distance, but we could’ve made it.”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice.” You said, still not looking at him.

“Y/N, I would’ve done anything for you, I would’ve followed you to Cambridge if you had just asked me to. We could’ve worked it out. You had a choice, you just didn’t give me a choice. Tell me, was it something I did?” Tom reached out and grabbed your hands in his, making you turn to finally look him in the eye.

“You didn’t do anything, which is what makes this so much harder.” You took a deep breath, remembering how you’d told Georgia you would try to get closure with Tom and you guessed it was now or never, “The night before I left, my parents found out about us. It was either they don’t let me go to Cambridge and I stay with you or-”

“You go to Cambridge and leave me.” He dropped your hands and took a step back, his eyebrows furrowed in hurt. “You chose Cambridge over me? You didn’t even give me the chance to help you.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that my parents would even let me say no to Cambridge. My whole life, Cambridge has been my future.”

“I thought I was your future.” Tom’s words made your heart break all over again. “Just leave. I’ll find Tessa on my own.” Tom turned around sharply and walked off with his head hung low. You sighed, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

After a few minutes of meaningless wandering and trying to clear your head, you heard a familiar bark. Before you could fully process it, Tessa came bounding at your legs. It had been five years since you’d seen her, but she remembered you.

“Tessa,” You smiled petting the dog who was more than relieved to find someone she knew. Grabbing her collar and leading her away, you told her, “Let’s get you home.”

You waited on Tom’s front porch, unsure of what to do now. You had found Tessa, but you had absolutely no way of telling him that, and, knowing Tom, he’d be going out of his mind trying to find her. A couple hours passed by before you heard Tom’s footsteps coming up the sidewalk.

“Y/N, what are you-” He started to ask when he saw you, but he smiled in relief when he saw his dog sitting beside you. He was at a loss for words as he bent down to Tessa’s level, petting her while she gave him a few slobbery licks. Tom stood up and let Tessa inside his house and she went running for some water.

“Well, you’re here, so I’ll just go.” You said, standing up.

“You don’t have to.” He stated, “I was upset and distraught. I waited five years for an explanation; for five years, I tried to come up with some sort of explanation why you suddenly left. I even thought that maybe you went into some witness protection program or something.” Tom laughed lightly, trying to ease the tension. “All I know is that I haven’t been able to move on from you. After all this time, I’m still in love with you.”

“I still love you, too.” You said, your eyes brimming with tears of relief.

“Can we start over?” He asked.

“I’d like that.” You nodded. Tom stepped back inside his house and closed the door, leaving you confused. A brief second passed and he opened the door again.

“I heard your cat’s stuck in a tree. Need some help?” Tom asked with a teasing smile.

“God, I’ve missed you.” You laughed. Tom wrapped his arms around you.

“I missed you too.” As he leaned in to kiss you, you both heard a voice from behind Tom inside his house.

“I see you two are happy.” The voice said teasingly. It took you and Tom a second to process it as the person came into view.

“Georgia?” You looked at your roommate, bewildered as she wore nothing but Harrison’s shirt, which might have been Tom’s shirt- you didn’t know at this point.

“What are you two looking at?” Harrison asked, coming up behind Georgia and putting his arms around her waist. Tom shook his head and closed the door, blocking them from seeing the two of you outside.

“Wow.” You laughed.

“Wow, indeed.” Tom chuckled before leaning down to kiss you for the first time in five years.

~~~

Epilogue

“I don’t believe that.” Harrison laughed, pulling Georgia closer to him on the couch.

“No, it’s true.” You added from your spot on Tom’s lap.

“Oh my god.” Tom groaned, face red in embarrassment.

“Hey, at least she said your dick was big.” You teased, giving your boyfriend a kiss.

“Yeah, but you’re shit at sex apparently.” Harrison kept laughing at Georgia’s comment on her one night stand with Tom. The four of you were drunk and perfectly comfortable in bringing up the once incredibly awkward situation, but now it had been over six months and everything was fine between the group.

“I didn’t say shit- I said unpracticed.” She corrected her own boyfriend.

“I think it’s cute.” You teased.

“Well, Y/N’s shit at sneaking out.” Harrison commented with a chuckle.

“Mate, trust me, I know.” Tom joked.

“Can we go back to making fun of Tom and his dick?” You asked, before Tom pulled you in for another passionate drunken kiss.

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[alleiradayne]

LONG JACKET A DESTIEL-ISH SERIES

Over the last few years, I’ve seen some of the craziest shit hunting with the Winchesters and their angel, Castiel. But this story right here? This isn’t about monsters. This isn’t about the battle between good and evil, heaven and hell. I understand all that.

It’s people I don’t get. People are crazy. And we do crazy things when we’re in love.

PART VI - PLAID

Summary: The showdown. Warnings/Tags: Again, awkward flirting, mentions of rape, violence, sexual innuendo, blood, small description of sexual assault. Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester/Female!Reader Word Count: 6,875 (whoops)

Darkness encroached on the parking lot’s dim lamplight, the vast, endless nothing oppressive, suffocating. As we stood behind the Impala, that great void loomed, and yet, a tenuous sense of resolution settled in the pit of my stomach. Stuffed to the gills, Sam’s duffel bag—endearingly coined the Bag of Ouch—thumped into the open trunk.

“Isn’t that… a little overkill?”

“It would be if we’d ever actually fought a succubus before,” Sam said with a resigned sigh.

“You know,” I started as I squinted up at him. “Sometimes, I wonder what is wrong with you.”

He pointed to his head. “Don’t worry. I know there are too many screws loose. I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t want you going into this with any illusions of grandeur. We have no clue what we’re doing when it comes to these bastards. Books, hunter’s notes, the internet. Sure. But that’s why the bag is stuffed beyond full.”

When I looked from him to the bag and back, he shut the trunk. “So, we just have to try something and hope?”

“Essentially, yes. My bet is on decapitation,” he said. “No matter how fast you heal, you really can’t recover from that.”

“Bronze stake through the heart, Y/N,” Dean interrupted. “You know, if you don’t get a clear shot at…” he motioned to his throat with an execution gesture. “Plus, bronze doubles down on ancient metals. They’re not close enough to vampires or werewolves for silver to work. It’s—”

Castiel exited the motel then, and Dean’s teeth clicked shut mid-thought. Angular shadows played tricks on my eyes until Castiel stepped into the light, and I gasped. Blue, white, and gray plaid enveloped his shoulders, paired perfectly with his black jeans, black t-shirt, and Dean’s ill-fitting boots.

Beside me, Dean turned around, and his brow furrowed. “Is that—”

“No, this I bought myself,” Castiel explained. “I like blue. I think.��

Even in the near darkness, Dean’s cheeks reddened noticeably. “You should. Looks good on you.”

I imagined that, if angels could blush, Castiel would have. “Thank you.”

“Get a room.”

The back of my hand met Sam’s stomach as I scolded him. “Sh! Leave them alone.”

Dean’s eyes rolled so hard he gave Sam a run for his money. “What is it with you two? The man looks good in blue, and he should know that. Nothing even remotely suggestive.” He continued grumbling to himself as he rounded for the driver’s side of the Impala.

“Maybe that was too far,” I suggested as I glared at Sam.

He merely laughed as he turned for the car. “I disagree entirely, but I’ll back off. At least, until after this hunt.”

I turned to follow him, but then realized Castiel stood by himself. “You coming?”

Hand to his chest, he smoothed the plaid as he tugged it straight. “Do you agree?”

“With?” I asked.

“Dean. About blue plaid.”

Stuttered words stumbled from my mouth. Had he not seen the way Dean stared? Blushed? A brisk shake of my head cleared my thoughts. “First off, I think you should wear whatever makes you happy and comfortable. If that’s plaid, great. If not, that’s fine, too. Second, you can only control yourself. That’s something you probably already knew, but for some reason, humans take way too long to learn that. And third, blue looks great on you.”

He smiled then and followed me to the car. “This is much more difficult than I had anticipated.”

A bark of laughter burst from my chest. Before responding, I reached the rear passenger door and popped the handle. “Do you want my advice?”

“I abide by your expert wisdom, Y/N,” Castiel replied.

I clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Talk to him.”

Behind schedule, I allowed Castiel no time to respond and sidled into the backseat of the Impala. Once Castiel seated himself, Dean backed out of the lot, and the Impala roared to life as he laid into the accelerator, heading towards the grocer.

“I hate this plan.”

Sam situated the bronze stake up the right sleeve of my newly acquired leather jacket. Dissatisfied and yet resigned to the situation, he moved on to the machete holster concealed beneath the jacket. “I really hate this plan.”

“Do you keep saying that to make me feel better or to convince me to bail?” I asked as I shot a nervous glance down the hill. There, sandwiched between the grocery store and a craft store, sat Madam Drina’s Visions, an eerie purple glow emitting from the partially curtained windows.

Sam grunted under his breath. “I think it makes me feel better,” he replied as he shifted the machete on my back. “Practice reaching for the handle. It’s a very weird holster. I hate wearing it.”

In one smooth motion, I reached behind my hip, grasped the handle, and pulled. The blade freed from the scabbard in a sharp ring of steel that sang between the stone buildings surrounding us. “Okay, I’ve never done that before. That was really fucking cool.”

“It sure as hell looked cool,” Sam laughed, “And it makes me feel better. Now, we’ll be right outside, so you give us the signal if you get the slightest hint shit’s going sideways. Please do not hesitate to call.”

I lowered the machete back behind my hip to re-sheath it. A solid clunk thudded through my chest as the hilt met the scabbard, the blade concealed once more. “Looks like I won’t be going in anytime soon.”

Down the hill, no more than a quarter-mile, the distant ring of Madam Drina’s door chimed through the silent night air. That sound caught Sam’s attention, and he turned to the source where we both watched a woman lean into the darkness of night from her shop’s door. She greeted a patron as he approached, and without delay, invited him inside.

Sam turned back to me and said, “We’ll give it an hour. If he doesn’t leave by midnight, we’ll send you in then.”

Before I could say anything else, Dean burst from the car and stomped to the trunk where he planted himself on the bumper. His folded arms and crossed ankles warned me enough, but my boldness won the battle against caution.

“Hey,” I started as I neared the trunk. “You okay?”

Sam slid into the Impala’s seat, and Dean waited for the door to shut before he responded. “No. I’m not.”

Okay, I hadn’t expected that at all. “Alright, that’s refreshing. Keep going. What’s got your goat?”

He scoffed half a laugh at that, opened his mouth to speak, then shut it and shook his head. Though he remained tightly wound, his arms eventually unfolded, and he reached for the hem of his shirt. There he found a familiar threadbare corner, and he continued to worry at it as he had so many times before.

“You ever…”

Silence. Only the chirping of real, honest-to-god crickets broke the still night air. A thousand-mile stare settled in Dean’s gaze, and though the darkness shrouded us both, a familiar conflict roiled beneath the surface of his outward façade.

“Do I ever… what?” I asked. “Catch myself thinking about someone for hours on end? Imagining the things I would say to them under different circumstances? Wondering how they would feel or what they would say in return?”

His eyes snapped to me, glaring from the corner while his head remained still. Another shiver ran up my spine, but the sensation vanished as soon as it had come. Dean looked back up the road, staring straight ahead. The start of a few sentences stuttered on his lips, his tongue. Each time he swallowed his words, he remained silent longer. Until he finally said, “Yes.”

“Which one?”

He plucked a stray string from the hem of his shirt and tossed it out before him. A gentle breeze caught the tuft of frayed cotton and carried it off to the sidewalk where it landed and stilled. Dean, too, sat still as stone for what felt like hours, staring straight ahead at nothing. But the gears churned between his ears, so loud I swore I could hear him thinking. All too familiar, I knew the imaginary situations that played out in his mind, scenario after scenario. Endless torture, that. No good in ruminating, in worrying what response you might get. I wanted to tell him all those things, but how much of a hypocrite would that make me? 

I wavered on the precipice of futility, that precarious knife’s edge where on one side, an infinite future spread as far as the eye could see and on the other stretched complete and utter nothingness. And yet, the longer I balanced on that deadly razor, my untimely end neared. Dean’s predicament had drawn out the worst of my subconscious. As I turned to regard Sam through the car, I swore a solemn oath, if only to myself, that I’d finally come clean. 

I stood then to do what I should have done months ago, but the moment my boots touched the concrete, the bell above Madam Drina’s door twinkled again, and Dean startled. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him as he spoke, an insistent furrow to his brow.

“All of them,” he stated.

So lost in my head, I asked, “All of what?”

“What you said earlier,” he replied. “I’m constantly thinking about him, and I don’t know why. Besides you and Sam, Cas is my best friend, and I… I don’t know what to do.”

When I opened my mouth to reply, Sam exited the driver’s door, and Castiel followed not a beat later from the passenger’s side. I turned back to Dean and lowered my voice. “Just tell him.”

“What?!” he snarled under his breath.

“I’m serious,” I insisted in a thin hiss. “Tell him everything!”

When Sam rounded the end of the car, all rational thought fled. I’d made a promise to myself. And, in a way, to Dean, too. No way I’d go down as some plaster saint spouting hollow words in my final hours. Go big or go home.

Sam caught me. Barely, but that hardly mattered. When I had jumped, I knew I had leaped in faith, not in Sam’s ability to catch me—although I knew his arms were more than capable—but in his equal, mutual, maddening adoration for me. Like the heat of a summer’s noonday sun, his embrace smothered me. I soared too close to that roaring heat, and my plaster wings melted as I planted my lips on his.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you I can’t take my own advice.

“I am sorry, Dean.”

Castiel’s gruff apology ruined the moment. Almost. Sam squeezed me so tight to his chest and returned my kiss twofold despite our lack of privacy. But my eagerness to witness Dean and Castiel’s truth rivaled my endless exultation. I parted from Sam but remained in his arms as I looked over my shoulder.

Dean’s crooked eyebrow lowered as he turned from Sam and I to Castiel. “I know. But thanks,” he said as he clapped him on the shoulder. “Are you two finished?” He turned back to Sam and I. “Can we go kill this son of a bitch succubus and get the fuck out of here?”

Forgotten. For one glorious, blissfully unaware moment, I’d forgotten that a creature as vile as a succubus could exist.

The four of us looked down the hill towards the shop where Madam Drina waved goodbye to her patron as he walked down the block to the east. “That looks like our window,” Dean stated.

Two worlds collided with that simple phrase. The reality I had dreaded all day loomed like the specter of an urban legend. A sudden hyper-awareness seeped into my skin, my bones, my soul. Every hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and gooseflesh spread across my arms. The ceaseless ticks of my watch counted the last beats of my heart as though finite, and I knew too few remained. Like so many grains of sand, time slipped through my fingers no matter how I clung to them.

Still in his arms, I looked up to Sam, but he said nothing. Those three little words balanced on the tip of my tongue. But as my lips parted, Sam stopped me.

“I know. Me, too.”

That would have to do.

A dreaded chill replaced Sam’s embrace as I headed down the street to Madam Drina’s Visions.

“Hello?”

I’d expected Madam Drina to meet me at the door as she had her previous client. When a few minutes passed with no sign of her, I grasped the handle and swung the door wide. As I spoke, her doorbell’s chime faded, then struck again as the door closed behind me.

Incense suffocated the cramped space. Thick strands of smoke rolled like massive coils of so many snakes, crawling and gliding ever so slowly through the room in an endless drift. Gaudy furniture pressed in from all sides like banks of a river to guide souls to the room’s center. There sat an intimate, circular plinth covered by several ornate silk scarves, and on its center rested a large crystal ball.

Overhead, similar swaths of silk stretched from the corners to the center of the room directly above the plinth. From the center of the ceiling, numerous large crystals hung from delicate silvery chains. Despite the swirling smoke, those crystals remained poised, still as stone. Azure and amethyst and amaranth lights illuminated the walls from floor to ceiling, reflected in glittering crystals and the sizeable transparent ball on the plinth, completing Madam Drina’s incredible soothsaying display.

“Hello?”

Not even a hint of an echo. Slow steps bore me downriver, and I called out once more. “Madam Drina?”

I had done my best to prepare my senses, steel my nerves, and harden my resolve. Few women rivaled Madam Drina’s beauty. But when she entered the room through a thick layer of silk scarves across the room, death breathed its icy breath down my spine, and I shivered from head to toe.

Pale as the moon, Madam Drina glowed in the lamplight. Dark curls of midnight hair hung from her headwrap, and large almond eyes widened when she spotted me. A petite nose ended in a delicate slope upwards, and beneath it stretched plump lips painted so very red to reveal a brilliant smile. She opened her arms, dark linens billowing from her wrists and elbows, and showed a tightly bound dress of sanguine silk, satin, and chiffon. Around her neck wrapped a woven leather choker, and at its center sat a ruby the size of my thumbnail. From that ruby, three delicate leather straps of varying lengths and bearing tiny red stone droplets plunged to her deep neckline and settled just above her admittedly impressive cleavage.

I could hardly take my eyes off her. And not just out of fear for my safety.

“Good evening, my dear,” she cooed, her voice velvety smooth and throaty with a hint of her breath. “I apologize for my tardiness. I had to... powder my nose.”

The first wave of her power rolled through my chest, and the room shimmered in a blurry rush, but the sickening sensation passed in a single breath. When my focus returned, I found Madam Drina glaring daggers at me. But in a blink, her anger disappeared, and she motioned to the table.

“Please, sit. What would you like to know?” She crossed the space and sat in a plush, overstuffed chair on the plinth’s opposite side. The layers of her dress parted as she spread her knees to either side of the pillar and slid her chair closer. “Come, dear. Tell me what you see here,” she beckoned as she pointed at the crystal ball with a black, claw-like fingernail. “I can tell you what it means.” 

A nervous twitch of my hand checked the machete behind my hip. The cold bronze stake up my sleeve needed no such confirmation. As casually and confidently as I could, I strode to the empty chair and sat across from Madam Drina.

The second rush of power caressed my thighs, gentle as a lover’s touch. A heady aroma of oakmoss and elderberry flooded my nose, and once more, death breathed her icy chill down my neck. But again, the moment passed almost as if it had never happened. Disappointment twitched across Madam Drina’s intense gaze, her pale blue eyes flashing in frustration. And just as she had before, that display of emotion vanished, her calm countenance returned.

“You,” she drawled, “are better suited for cards.” A snap of her fingers vanished the crystal ball, clearing the plinth between us. I startled to feign surprise at such blatant use of magic, but I worried she saw through my ruse.

“Place your hand on the table,” she said as she smoothed the fabric. “Right here, my dear.”

Call it prescience, call it a sixth sense, hell, call it a woman’s intuition if that helps. Whatever it was, every fiber of my existence railed against the habit to lay my right hand on the table, and instead, I placed my left in the center with all the confidence I mustered.

Her long nails slipped beneath my palm and lifted my hand from the table. A scant inch from her nose, she examined my skin, fingers, and nails until she turned it over to scrutinize my palm. “Beautiful,” she purred, “so healthy. And strong.”

“You can tell that just by looking at my hand?” I asked.

The corners of her lips twitched, and she traced tantalizing trails along the lines of my palm with the pointed nail of her index finger. “That and much, much more.” She paused, her pale stare locked on mine. “But that is for another night. Cards. The cards will have the most insight for you tonight.”

Fight or flight. An opening squandered surely sealed my fate. Lost in thought, I noticed too late the creep of magic crawling along my arm, and when Madam Drina returned my hand to the covered plinth, death sang her siren’s call to me for the third time. That frigid touch of magic bound my hand to the table, frozen solid as a block of ice. A roiling surge in my stomach threatened to empty it there on the table, instinctual, primal. My final lucid moment chose flight.

As Madam Drina withdrew a deck of tarot cards from her waist wrap, I took my chance. Below the plinth, I slipped my right hand beneath the hem of my coat for my hip. There, the two-way radio’s textured button brushed beneath my fingers as I fumbled for my lifeline. But before I could press the button, Madam Drina held the deck out to me and spoke.

“Cut.”

As though a spun valve had released the pressure on my left hand, sensation returned to my fingers. I reached for the deck and stared Madam Drina directly in the eye. A rookie mistake, one I regretted immediately. Her piercing blue stare bored a hole straight into my soul, and my secrets laid bare. She knew. She saw straight through me, read me like an open book. Most of all, she knew that danger had found her that night. Too risky. I backed down from my radio and returned my right hand to my knee. With the left, I grabbed a large portion of the deck from her hand.

“Bold,” she commented as she placed the cards in her hand atop the cut. “But unsurprising.” The warmth of her touch covered mine on the table, only to seize in a flow of icy magic, chained once more. “I knew you would be an interesting read the moment I saw you.”

With ease, she moved my hand to the edge of the plinth. I tested my invisible restraint to no avail; that magical bond held fast. “Now,” she started, “I want you to think deeply about your being and how it has manifested itself thus far in the universe. Take your time. Connect with yourself. This may feel very new and even uncomfortable.”

To maintain pretenses, I did as she instructed. My gaze fell to the deck of cards where I drifted, unseeing. The room faded into an endless nothing, but within seconds, distant shapes formed in swirling clouds of dark smoke. As I neared them, they focused, solidified, and settled into my best friends. Castiel stood off to the side, his forlorn gaze staring across the nothingness at Dean, who stood beside Sam. And Sam’s appearance faded, opaque and wispy, where tendrils of smoke leached from him. Soon, he disappeared, and, though strange, I understood. I knew, without question, the meaning of that vision.

When Dean and Castiel remained, Dean gazed into the middle distance, and Castiel continued to stare at him.

“Ask your question.”

Madam Drina’s voice interrupted my thought, and in a wild, sliding rush, the room returned to focus around me. Her touch at my left hand, with her nimble fingers drawing delicate circles, elicited a well of sensations that itched beneath the surface, eager for release. But that ache was not alone. Death stalked in the shadows.

“You know what it is you seek, darling. Ask. Ask the universe your question, and the cards will tell you all you need to know.”

I heard myself speak before the thought had even formed in my mind. “How can I help my friend understand the truth?”

Madam Drina breathed in so deep, her chest swelled, and her eyes rolled back as they closed. “Ah, it is a man, no? A man you wish to… know the truth?”

“Yes,” I stated. “He deserves to know.”

“They all do,” she agreed as her gaze drifted to her hand atop mine. “They all should know the truth of a woman’s touch.”

Wait. What? “No, that’s… not—”

“Hush, dear,” she interrupted. “You have asked, and the cosmos will respond.” She lifted the first card from the top of the deck and turned it over. “Oh, how fascinating. You are not one to disappoint!”

A man hung from a tree by his ankle but rose above it against gravity. “The Hanged Man, inverted,” she said. “You are learning a new perspective on love. This man of whom you speak should know this, yes.”

But I knew The Hanged Man had many more meanings. Despite my question, I worried it related more to the situation at hand. I dodged sacrifice every second I lingered in Madam Drina’s presence.

She flipped the second card and hummed a knowing song. “The Seven of Pentacles, upright. You have long put work into this friendship. That is how you weather this storm. It will pay off with romance.”

The urge to contradict her nearly overcame my sensibility. Hard work, perseverance, and patience would see me through my encounter with such an abhorrent creature.

The third card flipped over, and Madam Drina hummed again as if she expected the result. “The Eight of Cups, inverted. You are learning the lessons of fear, sweetheart. Loneliness and loss are hard lessons, undoubtedly.”

Until that moment, I had held absolutely no faith in the power, ability, or knowing of tarot cards. But as I stared down that inverted Eight of Cups, my once unwavering disregard for tarot faltered. I feared not loneliness, but indecision. Inaction. Stagnation. I had to choose a path and commit to it before stalling at the crossroads got me killed.

Madam Drina grasped my left hand in hers and said, “You will see this through to your end, my dear. I know it.” She flipped over the fourth card and beamed with such pride I wondered if I had imagined her sense of danger earlier. “Strength, inverted!” she cried, almost a moan. “You shed your low self-esteem and insecurities, and are born again confident in love!”

No. What I relinquished in her presence was not insecurity, but fear. I stared Madam Drina dead in the eye again. I forced myself to meet her enraptured gaze of pure, unadulterated lust head-on and without fear any longer.

The fifth and final card flipped over with a snap of the cardstock. And that time, she cried out such a lascivious moan, I desperately wished to be anywhere else but in that room with her. “The Queen of Wands, upright,” she sighed. “You move forward with independence, confidence, and openness with your lover!”

In a brilliant flare of icy sorcery, Madam Drina lunged over the plinth and grasped me by the jaw. “You radiate power, sweetling. Do you not feel it?!” she breathed, oakmoss and elderberry filling my nose once more. “You should. You should experience the pleasures of such power. I can give that to you if you want. I can give you everything.”

Courage. The Queen of Wands symbolizes courage and individualism. To survive the encounter, I needed to believe in myself. Weak knees shook as I stood, the last of my willpower draining like water through a sieve. Madam Drina poured every ounce of her power into me, an unrelenting tidal wave. I wanted nothing more than to give in, surrender to her promises, and experience the culmination of that euphoria. And yet, the tiniest of voices, so thin and frail in the recess of my subconscious, forced its way to the fore of my mind and spoke of courage. Of righteous anger. Of life. Of love.

As Madam Drina pressed closer, her visage wavered, the mirage fading away to reveal her true form. Pale, purple skin stretched thin across her angular face, and endless black depths replaced the blue sapphires into which I stared. Long, curved horns smooth as obsidian protruded from her hairline where the skin crackled like broken earth to reveal tiny streams of violent purple energy flowing through her body.

“You will submit,” she ordered, “I own you now.”

Blood rushed past my ears with each furious beat of my heart, drowning out her words. The succubus continued to speak, continued to pour her delusions into my head. But I heard nothing, saw nothing. The last of my strength focused laser-like on the machete, and I reached behind my hip for the handle.

In a ring of metal and a flash of steel, I stripped the machete from its scabbard. The blade arched in a wild bid for her neck, and time stretched far too thin. Each second dragged, and the blade slid slowly, achingly, to its mark. Strike true, I begged. My life depended on it. God, please, let me strike true.

A sharp, earsplitting crack of thunder rang from the blade as it connected with the succubus’ long claws, her fingers against her neck blocking the machete. She smiled then, her long snakelike tongue darting out to lick her lips as she tore the weapon from my hand and tossed it to the floor beside her. “You will be such a pleasure to break.”

The bronze stake slipped from the sleeve of my jacket with a twitch of my wrist. Time raced to catch up, snapping back like a rubber band. I shoved the finely honed point to her chest, my entire body torqueing for all my strength, but in the final inch, the succubus screamed so loud, I collapsed to my knees. She flung me aside, and the stake flew from my hand to roll beneath a thick chest of drawers.  I tumbled with it, crashing into the dense oak, and pain lanced like lightning through my entire body. 

She screamed again, another furious screech that echoed impossibly through the shop. Windows rattled in their panes, and my hands snapped to my ears. The succubus stood then, and for the first time, I consumed her entire form. Heeled feet and slender ankles begged the eye up to the perfect curves of her sensuous hips that swayed as she strode to me and straddled my prone body. From the shiny golden gorget at her neck, delicate chains stretched along her pale skin, down her massive breasts, and capped small metal disks over her nipples. More delicate chains crossed along her soft stomach and wide hips, barely covering her sex with a flimsy gauze cloth that draped to the floor. Over her shoulder curled a wicked, seven-foot-long tail protruding from her spine at the top of her long, supple ass.

Lust, incarnate.

“You are inquisitive,” she purred. “I know what you are thinking. I know what they all think when they see my true form for the first time. You wonder.” She leaned over and reached for my throat. Adrenaline surged as I attempted to fight her off, but she pinned me to the floor with no effort at all. “You imagine. You fantasize,” she whispered into my ear. “I can give it all to you, and so much more.”

Her long, lithe fingers wrapped around my throat and gently squeezed. “This,” she started, “is what you crave. What you’ve wanted for years. To know endless pleasure by my hands of mastery. Agree, and I will give it to you. Fight, like you continue to do as you squirm your lithe little body beneath mine, and I will take it from you anyway.”

Darkness pressed in from all sides as my vision narrowed. Her grasp pressed ever so perfectly, and within seconds, I succumbed to the ceaseless nothing.

A thin shattering of glass and a sharp, shrill cry echoed through the emptiness like a distant memory. Light returned, and the room focused as I shook my head, but nowhere near fast enough. The succubus snatched me up from the floor like a child clutching a favored doll. Tiny diamonds of glass tumbled from my hair, my coat, and when she turned me about, I saw Sam and Castiel standing at the front of the shop, guns loaded for bare.

“Hand her over!” Sam barked. “Now!”

“Or what?” the succubus seethed. “You’ll shoot me? You’ll have to shoot her fir—”

“They might.” The thunk of the rifle at the back of the succubus’ head snapped my attention behind her. There, Dean glared at the end of his short barrel and said, “But I won’t.”

Another blinding flash of power roared through the room as everything happened at once. The succubus flung me from her arms, and I soared across the room to crash into Sam. We toppled together to the floor, and not a beat behind me, Dean and his shotgun followed. He rolled as he landed, but barreled into Castiel, who only just caught him.

An infuriating lilt of her humming pleasure caught us all off guard. “You brought men to defend you?” She howled with haunting laughter. “Maybe you are not so bright after all,” she simpered with a wave of her hand.

On pins and needles, I could only watch as Sam, Dean, and even Castiel reached for their heads, and Sam squeezed his eyes shut. But just as I had resisted her magic, so did they. A few shakes of their heads and a breath later, Dean picked up his shotgun, Castiel aimed with his once more, and Sam helped me to my feet. As I stepped back, my heel kicked something hard, larger than the shards of glass strewn about the shop’s entry, but I dared not look down as the succubus advanced on us.

“Oh,” she mused as she took her sensuous rolling steps. “Your friends are strong, too. Stronger than you? Will I break all four of you? Together?”

“Back off, bitch.”

The crack of Dean’s shotgun exploded in the tiny shop, and my ears rang for several seconds before I heard more pealing laughter from the succubus. Rock salt lay scattered on the ground a foot before her as though it had hit an impenetrable wall. “You think you can just shoot me, Dean Winchester?”

Dean balked then, appearing shocked to hear his own name. “No. You don’t know me. Don’t even pretend like you do.”

“Oh, but I do,” she said as she stepped once more. In that second, her skin shimmered and shifted until it transformed into a dark suit, blue tie, and tan trench coat. “I know everything about you.”

Her eyes turned brilliant emerald green as they snapped to Castiel. “And you. The disgraced angel, Castiel, who once tempted the fate of the entire world by becoming God. The things I would love to do to—”

“Shut it,” Sam hissed as he raised his shotgun.

The succubus looked at the rock salt at her feet, then back to Sam. “What makes you think your gun will work after his didn’t?”

“I’m not packin’ rock salt, honey,” he stated. “Now back up.”

“My dear Sam, do not make me…” her voice clipped short as she hesitated, then her coat and suit shifted to match my own outfit. She turned to me, and her clothing twisted into Sam’s burnt orange jacket. “Well, aren’t I a lucky girl?” Her clothing vanished in a shiver befitting a burlesque dancer. “Four pining souls all desperate for pleasure. You’ve come to the right place. I think I’ll start with you.”

When the succubus pointed, Dean choked as though on cue. His shotgun dropped from his hands and clattered to the floor, and though it was within reach, I dared not move. Sam and Castiel raised their rifles to shoot, but a flippant wave of her free hand sent them flying into the opposite wall of the shop. They crashed into the ornate furniture in a hail of wood and metal, then collapsed beneath the rubble. Where Sam had slumped motionless, Castiel remained conscious, but he struggled to do even that.

“Cas, you hold on!” Dean choked. “Y/N, help him!”

With a subtle shift in her pointing hand, Dean rose to the tips of his boots, barely touching the floor. I alone remained standing, but mine was no longer the only life on the line. Once more, I stood at the crossroads and had to commit to a path.

I dropped to the floor for the rifle, and no sooner than my hands graced the stock, it sailed across the room. “Dean goes first,” the succubus declared. “Then once I’m through with him, I’ll break Sam. And then you.” She turned back to Dean. “While your big, dumb men watch.”

“Don’t you touch them!” Dean choked as he clawed at his neck. The tips of his boots scraped the floor where the succubus dangled him. “I’ll fucking kill you if you lay a single finger on any of them!” 

One heeled foot stepped in front of the other as the succubus closed the space between her and Dean. “Your brother was supposed to be my king. Did you know that?” she breathed. “You could be my king, and I’ll serve you however you see fit. I’ll leave her alone. I’ll leave Sam alone. I’ll even leave dear, sweet Castiel alone.”

She looked to Castiel, who stumbled through the rubble to rouse Sam’s motionless body. “Look at him. Bumbling fool,” she hissed. “What do you see in him that you don’t see in me? I can give you so much more.”

Dean tried to choke out another retort, but her invisible grip at his throat tightened. When she reached him, she pressed her entire body against his, and a virulent wave of power roared to life around them, crackling like fire but dark as night. A violently lewd shiver coursed through her, running from shoulder to tail as she moaned, and Dean’s face turned a putrid shade of green I had never seen on a human before. “Aw, you don’t like being choked? Poor thing. You’re missing out. I can teach you to love it.” Her long forked tongue teased at Dean’s jaw, and she moaned again as he jerked his head away from her violently.

In one infinitesimal second, horrors unlike any I had experienced before flashed before my mind’s eye. In the next breath, those terrible visions faded in a haze of red, insatiable bloodlust. No coherent thought penetrated that curtain of rage, that raw, unbridled fury, and I committed for the third and final time that night.

Fast as lightning, I lunged. My machete lay where I had unknowingly kicked it not minutes earlier. In an odd twist of fate, it had come to rest in a place so perfect. I could not have picked it ahead of time, given a chance. In a move that put Neo to shame, I rolled through the wild dive for the machete and sprang to my feet, armed. Distracted so by her prey, the succubus turned too late to defend herself. And I wasn’t about to let her get the last word before I snuffed out the wick that was her pathetic existence.

“Choke on this, you sick son of a bitch.”

Steal sang through the air, harmony to the melody of my frenzied scream, and sliced through her skin, sinew, and bone like a hot knife through butter. A fine black mist of demon blood billowed from the strike, covering my face. As the succubus’s decapitated head and body dropped to the floor in a resounding thud, a thin arc of demon blood lanced across Dean’s chest, and he vomited.

He continued to wretch until Castiel rushed from the heap of broken furniture and wrapped one arm around Dean’s back as the other cupped his forehead. Dean gasped, plunged so suddenly beneath the icy waves of healing. But as quickly as Dean’s nausea had come on, it passed in the wake of Castiel’s touch, and he stood tall once more. When Dean nodded in reassurance, Castiel headed back for Sam as he stirred to life in the rubble.

Black runnels of thick blood ran in rivulets down the blade of my machete. White knuckles yet clutched the hilt, and a moment passed before reality, dancing at the edges of my consciousness, sank in. Those were my knuckles, stiff and shaking under straining muscles. A freak spasm snapped my fingers apart, and the blade thumped to the floor.

“Hey,” Dean started as he neared me. “Keep it together, Y/N. You did what you had to do. Look at me. Focus on me.”

Lingering bouts of rage trickled through my blood and rendered my mind near useless. Dean’s lips moved, but I hardly heard a sound, his voice muted. That suffocating rage dragged me down like a treacherous undertow. I did my best to read his lips. Did what you had to. Look. Focus. He pointed two fingers at me, at my eyes, then at himself.

I only noticed Castiel had returned with Sam in tow after Dean had turned to ensure they were alright. A short, muted conversation passed between them, but when Sam spotted me, he closed the remaining space between us and asked, “Do you want to leave?”

The silence shattered, and I heard his voice clear as a bell. But with that clarity came understanding. My stare had unwittingly fallen on the lifeless body, once virile and full of limitless power, sprawled on the floor, her head a few feet away. Even in death, the overt lust of the succubus imposed, branding my mind with an indelible memory I begged to forget.

And then she was gone, blocked by Sam’s broad shoulders and towering frame. “Cas and Dean can handle the body,” he said as he reached for me. I recoiled, an unbidden reaction that surprised even myself. A pained frown I never wished to see again knotted Sam’s brow. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry you went through this alone. It was a terrible plan—”

He choked on his words as I lunged into his arms again, and he remained quiet as he held me. In that moment of silence, I wanted nothing more than to scream, to take out every ounce of my furious hatred for that abomination on her corpse. But the longer I breathed in Sam’s embrace—free of any oakmoss or elderberry, thank Christ—that righteous rage subsided.

“Jesus. No wonder men just fall into their laps,” Dean commented.

I looked past Sam to find Dean and Castiel looming over the body of the succubus.

“I never understood why God created humans to be so…” Castiel paused as he neared the head. “So…”

“Simple?” Dean asked. “So easily fooled? So… basic?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes.”

Dean managed a chuckle at that. “I wish I knew, too.” He paused as he stared at her for one lingering moment. “I hate everything about this. Let’s torch the body outside of town and get the hell out of here.” He tossed a heavy burlap bag at Castiel.

“Why do you hate them so much?” Castiel asked as he caught the bag.

“Because,” Dean grunted, “it’s not fun if it’s not consensual. And if there’s one thing a succubus gets off on most, it’s an extreme lack of consent. And that is fucking gross.”

As Sam led me to the shop’s front door, I glimpsed the tiniest reassured smile on Castiel’s face. And then I understood.

The tarot cards had been right all along.

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