#thinking about loveless mari too

[blended-ice]

some self indulgent orientation head canons

flags from left to right:

Aplatonic (yurio)

Aroace (yurio)

Apothiaroace (otabek)

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

It's been a week today since we got the news OFMD was cancelled, and today I'm thinking about how much we deserve to see Ed and Stede get married.

We see the desire to marry Stede as such a desperate, tender, heartfelt wish for Ed. When he puts his little cake toppers next to each other, it's so tentative. He painted the bride to look like himself so carefully - look at the little swirling details he's done on the dress! And the way he nudges it over next to the one representing Stede is so slow and hesitant, like he's scared to even admit to himself how much he wants this.

There's such a palpable yearning in Ed's expression here. He wants this so badly. We know that this is what Ed's decided as his last night, we know he's planning on committing suicide the next day, and he just wants to indulge in imagining a happy, soft future he thinks he's never going to get to have.

And at the end of the season? Ed is, slowly, learning that he's not the unlovable monster he thought he was. He knows Stede loves him, and he feels secure enough to tell Stede he loves him back. He knows Stede is committed to him just as deeply as he's committed to Stede; they're each other's first priority and they're going to settle down to build a life together, free from the pressures of Blackbeard's image and safe from the dangers of piracy.

When Lucius and Pete get married, as they hear the vows, Ed's able to think about how they apply to him and Stede, too. And he's able to take that desperate longing for something he thought he couldn't have and know he's going to get it.

When you combine that with Stede's whole thing? How he expressed his wish in s1 that he'd be able to marry for love? How that was something he probably never thought he'd actually get once his father paired him off with Mary, how he resigned himself to a loveless, miserable marriage - and how he found love with Ed? When Stede realizes he can actually ask Ed to marry him, that he can actually choose to marry this man for love-

They're gonna get married so hard and we deserve to see it!

[noordzee]

I have returned once again with more ofmd gnome content!

Fairy!Stede the invalid, under Gnome!Ed's expert care, and Stede admiring Ed's, uh, tattoos, nothing but his tattoos, fine draftsmanship there!

There was an optical illusion in the last set, formed by Ed's hat and a curtain, that looked like a beach umbrella when the picture was thumbnail-sized. So I decided I had to make that happen for real and gave Stede a cocktail umbrella parasol, based on that one bts pic of Rhys. And one of the few plot ideas I have for this silly little AU is Ed taking Stede back to the fairy village once he feels better and they attend a party together. It... goes about as well as it did in episode 5, but at least the boys look dashing.

Also: while the sentence "Fairy Stede was in a loveless arranged marriage with his fairy wife" is both Too Stupid and Too Melodramatic for this AU, I did want to draw Mary as a daffodil fairy, I think it suits her. Perhaps they're just friends in this universe. I hemmed and hawed about coloring these for ages mostly because I was terrified of drawing her tiger swallowtail wings, but they turned out alright, whew!

[lovejustforaday]

Shoegaze Classics - Loveless

Loveless - My Bloody Valentine (1991)

Main Genres - Shoegaze, Noise Pop, Dream Pop

A decent sampling of: Experimental Rock, Neo-Psychedelia, Alternative Dance

DUT DUT DUT DUT VREW VREW VREW VREW VREW VREW VREW

Well, if you knew anything about shoegaze going into this series, you knew that this review was going to be inevitable.

Today I take on the most truly revered shoegaze band, and probably one of the most legendary indie bands of all time. God help me, I'm going to do my best, so here goes nothing. Let's talk about My Bloody Valentine and Loveless.

The Band

My Bloody Valentine is an awesome band. Plain and simple. The name is awesome, the sound is awesome, their public persona is awesome. Just, lots of awesomeness.

Okay, I can probably do better than that. Hmmm... Okay wait, stay with me here.

My Bloody Valentine were originally an unlikely, little-known post-punk band from the 80s, that somehow went on to being one of the most important and influential bands of the 90s whilst only having dropped one record for the entire aforementioned decade.

After a series of lineup changes that coincided with a search for the bands' sonic identity, the true My Bloody Valentine lineup solidified as Kevin Shields, the madman musical genius leader of the crew on guitars and vocals, Bilinda Butcher, a feathery soft-spoken punk on guitar and vocals, Colm Ó Cíosóig as the animated, flappy-haired drummer, and Debbie Googe as the badass butch bassist (BBB) who was originally from the anarchist punk scene.

I've been trying to consistently use the term "British Isles" to describe the epicenter of the initial first wave of shoegaze. I wanted to be careful not to just say "Britain" or the U.K., because that would be somewhat revisionist.

Proto-shoegazers A.R. Kane may have formed in London, but other "proto" bands like Jesus and Mary Chain and Cocteau Twins were from Scotland. As for the band most credited with the true inception of shoegaze by its strictest definition, that would be My Bloody Valentine, hailing from Ireland, folks who often (for very good reason) don't take too kindly to being described as "British". That being said, Debbie and Bilinda are English.

I won't waste too much time going into the history of the band for this review, mostly because this is already gonna be a long one and I've got so many things to say about the record itself. So I'll give you the sparknotes version.

Like most early shoegazers, My Bloody Valentine dropped a few EPs before their first full-length LP, albeit in some completely different genres. C86 style Jangle Pop, Post-Punk, and frigging Psychobilly of all things apparently?

The band really found their sound, and pioneered the definitive collective traits of shoegaze in 1988, signing with Creation Records and dropping the EP You Made Me Realize and, later that year, their debut full-length Isn't Anything which, depending on who you ask, is the first true shoegaze LP (Though a very little known post-punk band named A Primary Industry may have something to say about that).

Shoegaze was invented with the propagation of a new world of sonic timbres discovered through the usage of guitar pedals, and My Bloody Valentine in particular really loved their pedals. On top of those pedals, the band laid a lot of distortion and harsh volumes.

Likeswise, My Bloody Valentine has pretty much always been just as much a noise pop band like their contemporaries The Jesus And Mary Chain. The two scenes overlapped a lot during the first wave (just like dream pop and neo-psychedelia), and some even describe the shoegaze formula as essentially being dream pop + noise pop = shoegaze. Personally I think this is a reductionist definition when there are many shoegaze bands that don't fit nicely into either of those other categories. But I digress.

Isn't Anything was the record that launched a thousand (shoegaze) ships. It's certainly a bit more overtly post-punk in its foundations, and rougher around the edges than what would come next. But I also really do love this record. "You Never Should" and "No More Sorry" in particular are two of my favourite My Bloody Valentine songs.

What came next, however, is a whole different beast entirely.

The Record

I'll start with the disclaimer that everything I could possibly say about Loveless is probably already a cliche by now.

Insanely fuzzy and warm. Layers upon layers of sound that demonstrates a level of musical precision and perfectionism that almost doesn't seem human. Reinvented the guitar like virtually no other record before or since. Oddly arousing and potentially even sapphic if you read into the lyrics (tbf Debbie is a confirmed gay indie icon). Sounds exactly like the neon shades of magenta displayed on the cover art.

2023 is frankly a little bit late to be writing a review about this heavily celebrated 1991 record. Others have already written entire dissertations about this revolutionary LP. I don't promise this is going to be the most definitive and thoughtful review of this record, nor am I anywhere close to being the first or last indie nerd to ever champion and fanboy over this goddamn masterpiece of its genre, but I do wanna talk about how I myself personally experience Loveless.

Funny enough, my favourite memory of listening to this record (which I've been loving since 2015) was actually when I was dog-sitting for a friend's mom at her house in 2018 during the early autumn. The dog herself even seemed to wanna dance with me while I was spinning in little circles to the rhythms of "Soon". I think that's the season when I enjoy this record most - probably a mix of the coolness and crispness of the autumn breeze, and wearing the same kind of cozy sweaters that the My Bloody Valentine members are wearing in like half of their 90s photoshoots.

Okay, enough chitter chatter. Let's get into it.

"Only Shallow" is one of the most iconic album openers of all time, period. Instantly overpowers the listener with those first few overblown snare stabs before exploding into a pounding noise pop delirium of screeching banshee guitars. Letting up only slightly for the verses, where Bilinda Butcher describes something sweet, soft, and warm, in a brazen contrast to the blustering razor guitars that are unleashed after each verse. This track most perfectly encapsulates a pervasive trend across the rest of the album, wherein the sonic mosaic of textures can be described paradoxically as both cushiony and razor-sharp at the same time.

Lyrics and their delivery will continue from this point on to be every bit as textural and vague as the music itself, creating abstract entities that are transient and androgynous. Indeed, I struggled a lot on my first few listens to discern which tracks were being sung by Bilinda and which were Kevin or the both of them. Bilinda recalls that she would often take naps in the studio when they were recording Loveless and would do her vocal tracks soon after being awoken, which lends itself to her very tranquilized delivery in which I feel like I can picture the drowsy bags under her eyes in some of these songs. Likewise, most of this entire album is best appreciated in a half-awake mental state, even more so than other dream pop / shoegaze records.

"Loomer" is the dark underbelly of Loveless, like listening through the old floorboards of a basement ceiling to sounds of the band playing a live house show in the living room upstairs. It's a grainy, gloomy bed of sound that feels as though it could be physically slept on if desired.

I have no idea how many actual layers of track recordings went into the concoction of the heavily experimental "To Here Knows When", but it feels like hundreds. This song is a whirring helicopter blade of thousands of little sounds, scattering everywhere until it creates a thick, opaque, sparkling lilac mist that obscures the upbeat melody that's utterly buried in the fog of noisy drones and distortion. The mastering sounds as though you're listening to all of this happen through a small tubular opening in a giant glass wall, as if all of the tonal anarchy is happening from the other side, perhaps in another dimension. For a bonus observation, this one in particular sounds even more unreal and transcendental when you're tired as fuck on an early morning bus ride after a night of zero sleep (Don't ask me).

"When You Sleep" is probably My Bloody Valentine's most acclaimed and influential song. That de-tuned, icy, fluorescent glowing pop melody motif is seriously addictive, and it sounds almost deranged. The heavily compressed drumming provides the propulsion needed for a track that feels like its intensely vibrating every last quark of matter in its audible vicinity. I really have to remind myself that these crazy sounds are being made by guitars with effect pedals, and not with synthesizers (or, as the meme goes, vacuum cleaners).

The record really crunches in on those guitar textures with "Come In Alone" a track that you'll be hearing echoing in the back of your mind long after its finished (note: this record is NOT recommended to those especially prone to having tinnitus). This track is like all of the blood rushing to your head when you would hang upside down from the monkey bars as a kid. It feels intoxicating in the best way.

The band takes an unsuspecting turn for gut-punching emotions on "Sometimes", likely the only song with a more or less discernible lyrical theming on the record, about sharing intimacy with another person and the insurmountable fear of isolation from someone you love. The timbral effects are applied minimally on this song, but the dozens of recorded guitar tracks drone in a wondrous hum that resonates with the vibrations of a lonely soul. Usually, I'd say this is my favourite My Bloody Valentine song, though "To Here Knows When" and "Only Shallow" occasionally compete for the number 1 spot as well.

"Blown a Wish" is cool, dreamy shoegaze that fizzles and melts in your mouth like an ice cream soda. Pure pleasure is the best way I could describe its sensation, with all of its rippling, neck-tingling guitar effects that dance in and out of the foreground. Alternatively, this is like being high on helium and having so many butterflies in your stomach that you actually start to feel like you're levitating in a luscious trance. Delicious song.

The record closes with its poppiest and most accessible number "Soon", a mix of comparatively light shoegaze psychedelia and alternative dance beats that sounds enormously sexy. Evokes psychoactive substances, gently swaying hips, and grassy fields filled with buzzing fireflies. A very stylish way to end the record and solidify My Bloody Valentine's status as indie music legends.

What Came After That?

Loveless was a certified gold commercial success, about on par with the success of Ride's Going Blank Again, but it was also purportedly so expensive to make that it bankrupted the Creation Records label (serves you bastards right for making Oasis happen) and caused the band to be dropped.

I honestly kind of laugh to myself whenever I think of Alan McGee's pompous ass looking at the numbers and having a panic attack, almost as much as I laugh when I remember how Catherine Wheel gave him a big fat "NOPE!" to being signed after he pestered them. Have I mentioned I really don't like Creation Records ways of doing things?

*seething* ANYWAY, My Bloody Valentine basically disappeared for the rest of the 90s. Members moved on to different projects.

And then, after years of teasing a third record, the band's self-titled mbv was finally dropped in 2013. This one seems to divide fans a lot more than their other records; it wasn't as universally received as the Slowdive comeback record a few years later. This one is arguably more experimental than Loveless, and there's even a couple of tracks with some DnB influence. I think all things considered, it's a pretty great comeback record. I think many folks were probably expecting a Loveless 2, and it probably helps that I didn't even listen to this band before the new record came out, so I had no expectations built over years for this record.

There is allegedly a fourth record (and possibly fifth) LP in the works, but Shields has been teasing at it for years now, and its sort of becoming a running joke in the shoegaze community that we're gonna be waiting another five or ten years.

But hey, good work takes time. After making a record like Loveless, I personally think you've earned the right as an artist to afford yourself all the time in the world. I certainly wouldn't know how the hell to follow upon something that masterfully crafted, and some bands probably wouldn't even try to.

But besides all that, Loveless speaks for itself. It is a singular album experience. Nothing really sounds anything quite like it, to the point that newbies often getting into shoegaze for the first time with this record often lament the fact that the scene is not full of other records sounding just like this. It's for this reason precisely that, if you are totally new to shoegaze, I don't recommend this as a starting point. A lot of other great shoegaze records are unfairly compared to this record a whole fucking lot, and it can have a spoiling effect for some folks. But not every shoegaze band should sound like My Bloody Valentine, or have a Loveless in their discography.

But, at the same time, holy crap this is one of the coolest records of all time and if you haven't already heard it by now then you're doing yourself a huge disservice by not listening to this some time in the next week at the latest. Loveless is something that every fan of music should experience at least once, and there's only a handful of albums that I could confidently make that statement for.

So, yeah. Go listen. (✿ ᵔ ᴗ ᵔ )y

10/10

Highlights: "Sometimes", "To Here Knows When", "Only Shallow", "When You Sleep", "Blown A Wish", "Soon", "Come In Alone", "Loomer", "I Only Said"the

[sparks9793]

The playlist

(thanks for the love on the last chapter, promise I'll get on with the asks soon, but for now, there you go :), didn't added it to the chapter cause this is all to my taste and wasn't sure it'd be very 'Taylor' but since you asked so much, all yours <3)

WRATH:

*Doomsday (Lizzie Mcalpine) 

*Motion Sickness (Phoebe Bridgers) 

*Be my mistake (The 1975) 

*Cool about it (Boygenius) 

*Back to the old place (The smiths) 

*Please stay (Lucy dacus) 

*I’m not angry anymore (Paramore) 

*Stick season (Noah Kahan) 

*HYD (Hayley Williams) 

*Burn (David Kushner) 

*I’ll still have me (Mistki) 

*Firearm (Lizzie Mcalpine) 

*MR. Loverman (Ricky Montgomery) 

*The Alcott (The national ft Taylor swift) 

*Hard feelings/ Loveless (Lorde) 

*Somewhere only we know (Keane) 

*Night shift (Lucy Dacus) 

*October passed me by (girl in red) 

*Skinny love (Bon Iver) 

*The gold (Manchester orchestra /Phoebe Bridgers) 

*The way things go (Beabadoobe) 

*First love/late spring (Mistki) 

*Reckless Driving (Lizzie Mcalpine) 

*Chasing cars (Snow Patrol) 

*Unknown/Nth (Hozier) 

*Look back and laugh (David Kushner) 

*Don’t hate me when it’s over (Stephen Dawes) 

*I wish I never met you (Baby girl) 

*Solo (Myles Smith) 

*Man (quiennie) 

*Mean! (Madeline the person with Noah Kahan) 

*Kill her freak out (Samia) 

* Two slow dancers (Mitski) 

*Lover boy (Sophie May) 

*Casual (Chappel Roan) 

*Save myself (Ashe) 

*Come on mess me up (Cub sport) 

*Gilded lily (Cults) 

* Why we ever (Hayley Williams) 

* She likes another boy (Oscar Lang) 

* Please Don’t be (Hazlett) 

* Romantic Homicide (d4dv) 

*Look at the time (Sawyer Hill) 

* A burning Hill (Mitski) 

* Hurts me too (Faye Webster) 

*Curl up and die (Matt Maltese) 

*Someone like you (Noah Kahan, Joy Oladokun) 

*Means something (Lizzie Mcalpine) 

*Breakup Slow Dance (Delacey, Valley boy) 

I JUST LOVE YOU: 

*To Love (Suki Waterhouse) 

*Still III (The Smiths) 

*Sports (Beach bunnies) 

*I will follow you into the dark (Death cab cutie) 

*Say yes (Elliot Smith) 

*Wildfire (Seafret) 

*Cosmic love (Florence and the machine) 

*Lover rock (Tv girl) 

* I wanna be your girlfriend (Girl in red) 

* Cloud 9 (Beach bunny) 

*There is a light that never goes out (The smiths) 

*Fight or flight (Conan gray) 

*Mona lisa Mona lisa (finneas) 

*Electric love (BØRNS) 

*First Day of my life (Bright eyes) 

*Never let me go (Florence and the machine) 

* Best friend (Orange County) 

* Sappho (Frankie Cosmo) 

*I wanna be yours (Artic Monkeys) 

*Acolyte (Slaughter beach, dog) 

*Real love baby (Father john misty) 

*Want me (Stephen Dawes) 

*If you want to (Beabadoobee) 

*Dream boy (Beach bunny) 

*The blonde (TV girl) 

*Could this be love (Saturn 17) 

*My kind of woman (Mac de Marco) 

*Dark red (Steve Lacy) 

* Kiss her you fool (kids that fly) 

*I’ll call you mine (girl in red) 

* Loving is easy (rex orange county, Benny sings) 

*Chateau Lobby #4 (In C For Two Virgins) (Father John misty) 

*Movement (Hozier) 

*Lovesick (peace) 

*Born for loving you (Big thief) 

*Mary (Alex G) 

* I love you so (The Walters) 

*Out like a light (the honey sticks, Ricky Montgomery) 

*Girlfriends (The academic) 

*For the first time (Mac de Marco) 

* I think I like when it rains (WILLIS) 

*Manta Rays (Chloe moriondo) 

*Someone to spend time with (Los retros) 

*Boyfriend, Girlfriend (carwash) 

* Are you bored yet? (Wallows) 

Love, Em x

[grendelsmilf]

I feel very alone in my (previous) academic world bc I love Emma and I think she never did anything wrong in her life. I hate how most analysis of this book agree that Emma is a 'tragic figure' but the tragedy is because she DARED dreaming of a better life and not because she was, you know, in a hopeless loveless marriage in a small town populated by idiots and mean spirited predatory people. It's been too long since I've read it to remember or have a solid opinion of what Flaubert meant when he wrote it (he did say the infamous 'madame Bovary c'est moi' but heh...) but I certainly see it that way. Emma should've poisoned them all instead of herself!

i mostly agree. emma is a very sympathetic figure to me, and i think that most people are very uncharitable to her due to the fact that the novel itself is using her as the vehicle through which to critique romanticism. so she may be naive and misguided and read too much balzac or whatever, but i also think that she’s right to desire more from her world beyond the stifling role of woman and wife that she is forced into, even if her ideal alternate model to emulate is equally flawed.

i think there’s the obvious reading of the novel as critiquing and undermining romanticism and the lofty ideals of the ancien régime, and flaubert is quite sardonic and scathing regarding every character and facet (and object) that populate this bourgeois provincial world, but there’s also the fact that he is nonetheless writing a very deliberately crafted (one might say too delicately crafted) novel about a woman with grand aspirations who participates in an ill-advised tryst, is ruined both emotionally and financially, and ultimately kills herself.

and obviously the novel is realist, i wouldn’t say it participates in romanticism except to subvert it, but it’s also very carefully written and its attention to detail and craft is undeniable. flaubert must necessarily sympathize with emma because he is inhabiting her consciousness in more ways than one, and in many ways, she is an extension of him.

as much as it does read as a ruthless critique of the bourgeois woman who longs to be marie antoinette or whatever, it is also a radical exercise in sympathy for a woman with no good options. so even while the content of emma’s ideals are critiqued, her yearning is a source of sympathy, an existential dissatisfaction and despair that cannot be filled by les romans sentimentaux, marriage, affairs, religion, consumerism, etc. in this way, we are all madame bovary.

[jgroffdaily]

CRITIC’S PICK

Review: ‘Merrily We Roll Along,’ Finally Found in the Dark - Jesse Green

Jonathan Groff, supported by Daniel Radcliffe and Lindsay Mendez, is thrillingly fierce in the first convincing revival of the cult flop Sondheim musical.

Jonathan Groff’s central performance in “Merrily We Roll Along” at the Hudson Theater is “unmissable” and helping to give “the show the hard shell it lacked,” our critic writes. Credit...Sara Krulwich/The New York Times

[Excerpts]

But with the opening of its first Broadway revival, after 42 years in the wilderness and the death of Sondheim in 2021, “Merrily” is no longer lost. Maria Friedman’s unsparing direction and a thrillingly fierce central performance by Jonathan Groff have given the show the hard shell it lacked. Now heartbreaking in the poignant sense only, “Merrily” has been found in the dark.

The contrast between the pleasures that music can provide and the damage obvious in Frank’s demeanor immediately frames what follows as a solo psychodrama. Yes, Charley Kringas, who writes the words, and their friend Mary Flynn, a novelist turned theater critic, are there throughout, trying to encourage his better angels and corral his worse ones. But despite high-wattage, laser-focused performances by Daniel Radcliffe and Lindsay Mendez, they have no effect on him; they are clearly Frank’s pawns, willing or otherwise.

How he destroys Mary, and nearly Charley as well, not without their assistance, is revealed as the musical’s formerly absent spine. In the first scene, a 1976 party for “Darkness Before Dawn,” a hack hit movie Frank has produced now that he no longer writes music, Mary is dispatched with barely a blink, or drunkenly dispatches herself.

In the next scene, as Charley enumerates Frank’s misplaced priorities in a 1973 television interview — Radcliff handles the song “Franklin Shepard, Inc.” superbly — Groff’s coldblooded rage is terrifying. Collateral damage along the way includes Frank’s first wife, Beth (Katie Rose Clarke); his second, Gussie (Krystal Joy Brown); his probable third, Meg (Talia Simone Robinson); his producer, Joe (Reg Rogers); and even his adorable young son. Who but a monster would betray such a punim?

“Merrily” is thus no longer, as it seemed in 1981, the story of the gradual, almost inevitable dimming of youth’s sweet illusions but rather the story of their falsity in the first place. Frank is only devoted to Mary and Charley when he doesn’t have access to anyone more useful. To think he turned into that monster is a mistake: He always was one, as Sondheim clearly understood. “That’s what everyone does,” Mary sings once the three-way friendship has collapsed. “Blames the way it is/on the way it was/On the way it never ever was.”

If in seeking to sweeten the main story it still leans too heavily on thin satire for laughs — morning news shows, Hollywood sycophancy — the trajectories for the secondary characters, especially Beth and Gussie, who are now more than cannon fodder, at last make some sense.

In this production, though, it wouldn’t matter much if they didn’t. Radcliffe’s wit and modesty, combined with Mendez’s zing and luster, provide perfect settings for what is now (as it has never been previously) the inarguably central performance. Groff, always a compelling actor, here steps up to an unmissable one. With his immense charisma turned in on itself, he seems to sweat emotion: ambition, disappointment and, most frighteningly, a terrible frozen disgust.

I don’t know whether that’s what Furth intended, but Sondheim is brutally clear about the insidiousness of great talent. In Frank, it eats everything it can find, eventually including itself. “Who says ‘Lonely at the top’?” he sings amid the end-stage cynicism of his loveless Bel Air party. “I say, ‘Let it never stop.’”

What a strange and daring thing for the great and greatly missed Sondheim to dramatize, and for Friedman to forefront. I’d call it heartbreaking if the result weren’t finally such a palpable hit.

[lemonadehtwooh]

So… tell me about your mastersona?

OKAY so I forgot to add that there's five Master OCs, but Romeo is my specific Mastersona/current main character (this is for anyone who needs clarification). The other OCs are: Maple von Roth, Ishaan, Mary, and Chance Finnick

Under cut is backstory info up to how he joins Chaldea's organization of mages (a very long read)

So he comes from a VERY wealthy family, and he was the youngest child. I can't remember ATM how many siblings he has, but I think maybe he had four older sisters and two older brothers. Anyway, he was slightly babied in his childhood, but he never really turned out arrogant (however, he tends to think of himself as too arrogant or selfish due to self-deprecation RIP). His parents weren't very emotionally close to him or his siblings, and instead would replace their lack of presence with gifts and money. He also wasn't very close to his siblings due to him not meeting social expectations very well. He was always very clumsy/very accident prone, awkward, quiet, and noticably "different" in a "bad way" that would get him rejected. So he grew up very lonely and very people-pleasing. However, he really loves to study and read (which is VERY important to remember later) and is very smart academic-wise, which was the one thing that gave him some redemption in his family

Where he comes from isn't specified like the other Master OCs, however he canonically is Latino mixed and speaks Spanish, English, and learned Latin. As well, his family was VERY high class and had a lot of social influence. Adding on, Romeo is trans and was able to socially transition when he was a teenager and was able to medically transition when he was a legal adult very easily. He had some privilege, however that's probably the only time he used it for himself

Soon after his 18th birthday, Romeo was put into an arranged marriage with a girl he grew up around. Although the reasoning is currently vague, I would assume it was for both social and business reasons. His marriage was very loveless, and quickly his wife isolated him from the world and his family. She forbade him from getting a job (at this point now, he never had a job due to his focus on academics) and used him for the money he would receive from his parents. So she was financially abusive and possibly had both physically abused him and sexually coerced him (he, years later, realizes he's gay and was never attracted to women at all, which was why he didn't want anything to do with her in their marriage and why he didn't love her like that). He was very lonely in his marriage, and only found happiness in reading and studying

Eventually he catches her in the act of cheating without being noticed. So he writes a note that he's leaving, leaves her some money and their house, packs a few things, and straight up leaves. He goes VERY VERY VERY far away. The note he left? It was misinterpreted as a suicide note due to excessive apologizing for not being a good enough husband and his horrible way of wording things. He's pronounced dead, despite no body being found. Romeo never finds out about this

He gets his first job. And immediately loses it for accidentally, SOMEHOW, setting things on fire. And he absolutely SUCKS at getting and keeping jobs due to weird accidents, coincidences, and clumsiness. But he's trying SO hard. He wants to work, he wants to make his own money. He wants to have SOMETHING to be proud of

The money he took with him runs out, and he's kicked out of the apartment he was living in. He's homeless now, and proceeds to wander. Soon, the teleportation-in-his-sleep problem kicks up, and he finds himself in a new area every single day. Every day, he wanders and walks and travels with no real direction or purpose. He doesn't have anything but his books and the clothes on him. Years pass, he believes his memory is worsening as he forgets information about himself. He doesn't remember where he's from, his last name, or his age. He has memories, but they don't really matter anymore

One day, Romeo wakes up freezing. In my AU, Chaldea is still in the arctics, BUT there's a huge forest surrounding it as the magical energy radiating from it caused the area to grow wild plants and trees. Romeo manages to walk around a little, but collapses due to his already failing health and him starting to freeze to death

Now Fou comes in, a mix between Fou liking to explore the forest area outside of Chaldea and Fou being attracted by Romeo's sense of despair, hopelessness, yearning for a purpose, and envy of people better/stronger than him. Fou quickly takes a liking to Romeo (the reasoning for now is that Romeo offered Fou some food), piquing Merlin's interest as Fou demands for Romeo to be saved

Merlin sees Romeo's potential future and looses his shit laughing as Romeo becomes one of Chaldea's top mages. He thinks the idea of this pathetic, weak man becoming not only a mage, but a powerful one, is hilarious. He thinks making Chaldea deal with this man would be the funniest joke, but also would be interesting entertainment. So, using his hero creation ability, Merlin has Romeo healed up a bit so Fou can lead Romeo back to Chaldea

Romeo manages to accidentally teleport himself and Fou into Chaldea, and passes out due to the temperature difference and exhaustion

Shenanigans happen, in which Romeo is hidden from the main staff by Chance and her Servant Astolfo, and then Maple joining in as Chance's friend, and then ALMOST EVERYONE also hides Romeo from the main staff so he wouldn't be kicked out because he is just so darn friendly and knowledgeable and helps everyone so much (Romeo is just happy to be making friends)

Obviously, Romeo is found out due to the fact he was snuck into the library so he could read. And during one of these trips, he accidentally gets his foot stuck in a bucket and gets help from "A very pretty lady", aka Da Vinci, and then some stuff happens later and he gets registered as a Mage-in-training with the promise he would continue studying and would work hard to meet hard requirements

Okay, so back to the fact he grew up loving to read! He was born with magical abilities in a mage-based family/community, very specifically he is one of the "breathing and walking" people, however he never realized he was using magic nor did anyone tell him. He thought it was normal stuff. And the books he would read were infused with magic and had very old, unknown magic techniques written in them, and just in general fed him information about magic. Without him knowing it was magic. So he is VERY strong magically, however his lack of proper training and his area of magic being luck AND emotional based makes him weak. Adding on the information he read was unknown, aka an isolated or unused study, which makes it harder to train him because his strong suit is just. Unavailable other than the books he has on him. And his specific magic is so,,, unknown percentages of probability and can fluctuate so crazily just from the fact if he's having a bad day or not, that it's hard to tell if he's doing things right

Adding on, at first when Romeo works for Chaldea, he has no reason to do so other than having a place to stay and eat. It's survival. But later on, shortly before he summons Mr. Utterson, he realizes he wants to fight for humanity because of his friends. And that's where he finds his purpose

[happiestjameshook]

The Hook family was all but pristine, well known for their advanced boats that were both used for travel and exchanging of goods to southern countries. It wasn't that strange that they were a member of the ton, however they weren't as extravagant despite their money. One could say there were troubles with the beloved couple, miss and mister Hook whom haven't shared a bed in quite some time. Out of their loveless marriage came but one son, no daughters. Something the lady of the house seemed to despise but then again everything about her son did. Perhaps it was therefore the son had not been seen into his loving mother's arms for years - he had been off to university as soon as the man could flap its wings and it was no wonder that Miss Wistledown found interest in this poor young man who came of age - and yet had to be wed.

James found his way home on a Sunday afternoon, the bees were quietly bussing on the flowers, when his eyes befell on a young maiden with blond hair - a maid. She was tending the garden and he didn't think much of it, yet the sight stung into his eyes for a reason unbeknown by him. "Hello Mother." He greeted once he entered the house only to be met with a cold stare. "James..." She said briefly before tapping with her cane on the floor. "You must be tired, go get some rest." He nodded towards her invitation (though he knew it was more a demand than a request - she wanted him out of his sight as quickly as possible.) "That I shall." He even yawned and left his mother so she could continue to gossip and share tea with one of her many associates. Either way this would be a long night.

Though the namesake implied images of shining silver, Miss Bell came from naught. Left on the doorstep of the orphanage as a baby, and later taken in by one Ms Mary Fairchild to be put to work tending to the linens, Tina Bell had no choice but to accept her lot in life (with gritted teeth). Life put her through the wringers, and had it not been for a ragtag group of boys looking out for her, she may not have made it long as she had. It wasn't the life Tina ever wanted, but it was the one she got, and the one she had to accept.

As soon as Miss Bell was old enough to make some sort of way for herself, so said Mary, she was sent to work, finally finding her footing as a maid in some of the more well-to-do households. As she grew (in age, not height) her attitude grew with it, which, sadly, left her looking for a new household not too long ago. It had been, perhaps, a month or two, since Miss Bell found work in the Hook household (who she had heard whisperings of thanks to Lady Whistledown but had no formed opinion of yet).

It was odd work, here and there, as the matron didn't trust her yet with any difficult or important jobs. So, this evening, early in spring, when the days were just growing longer and the sun wasn't too hot, she was tending to the flowers at the side of the house, humming a ditty to keep herself occupied before she had to arrange the nighttime chores. The ringing of a silver bell called her attention to the house.

Her pinafore was dusted with pollen from the plants, the nose of her boots dusty from the soil. She had no time to right herself, given the Lady of the house's demanding nature. After a far too judgemental look, Miss Bell was sent off to make more tea for the guests. Tina rolled her eyes the moment she was down the corridor out of sight.

Now, Miss Bell had told off plenty of times for her etiquette, and once again, she ignored a warning, after seeing light pouring from under the door frame of Mr. Hook's bedroom door. She paused. Then gave it a very gentle knock. "Pardon me, Mr Hook," Tina said, quietly. "Would you like anything from the kitchen?"

[viola-ophelia]

TURN characters as folklore/evermore songs, because why the heck not? (lyric videos linked to each!)

abe woodhull: this is me trying 

look, i love to hate on abe, but i do think there’s some good in all his faults. he’s trying, throughout everything, to come into his own and do something for good, an admirable aim for someone so morally complex. it’s what makes him interesting to watch, and it’s what compels us to reluctantly root for him. 

anna strong: champagne problems   i’m imagining anna as the woman this song is being sung about, rather than the narrator. she’s often someone whose story gets told for her, but she has her own voice too, and she had her reasons for the hearts she broke. 

ben tallmadge: mad woman   i was initially tempted to give this song to anna, but let’s be real: ben is the angry person in the culper ring, not her. he’s constantly trying so hard to prove himself that it’s all too easy to turn that fire inward on himself. 

caleb brewster: long story short  caleb is the person who pretends he’s not living through a war until he can’t pretend anymore. but he’s also the person who picks himself back up after a fall and pushes on, and can laugh about it all in the end. 

mary woodhull: tolerate it  a bit of an obvious one, but still... ouch, i know. mary throws her whole identity into a failing relationship at the beginning, but ends up growing into her own anyway. like the song, she starts out pleading for a lost cause and ends up taking back her pride. 

john graves simcoe: no body, no crime  another obvious one haha. despite the pretty self-explanatory murder-y vibes of the song, i also think there’s a righteousness to simcoe’s character: he really believes he’s doing good, doing what he has to to defend his principles. 

abigail: mirrorball  abigail exists to please others, except she doesn’t have the option to do anything else, and therein lies the bitter unfairness of her situation. her kindness is often an obligation and not a choice, and god, i wish she could have saved some for herself.  

edmund hewlett: coney island  hewlett sustains himself on hope for so long that it’s a miracle he doesn’t snuff out when it comes crashing down. he’s left wondering where he went wrong, forced to find a new place in a world that never seemed built for him.

john andre: my tears ricochet of course the dead guy gets the song about a ghost lol. no, but really: andre is defined more by his memory than by himself, isn’t he? he tried so hard to make something out of himself, and he’s left with this legacy that belongs to the enemy, not to him. he can go anywhere he wants, just not home...  akinbode: cowboy like me  akinbode is always on the move, because he has no place to stay. but he wants more, wants to be at the helm of his own life for once: he named himself, chose his own lover, and has plans for after the war. this song feels like a love confession to abigail and also a goal of self-ownership. 

cicero: seven  we see cicero grow up along with the war, and lose his innocence along the way. he’s a boy still holding onto boyhood at first, and by the end he wants to join the cause he’s only just discovered. 

peggy shippen: illicit affairs  another obvious one, but it fits too well not to do it. peggy is ruined by her affair with andre, not just because she’s stuck in a loveless marriage with someone else, but because she knows now what consequences look like. she lost herself as she lost him, and worst of all, she did it willingly. 

george washington: epiphany  washington gets the 'indescribable horrors of war’ song because he is the war in a way, but there’s a current of hope there too. maybe horrors without hope are too great a burden for one man, or maybe america has never been without either. 

robert townsend: the lakes  the escapist, the denier, the one who never wanted any part in this: that’s robert townsend. he spends more time trying to get away from the war than he does finally accepting that he’s part of something bigger, but that understanding was there all along. otherwise, why fight it as hard as he did?  

richard woodhull: hoax  the magistrate continually defines himself by his disappointment: in his son, in his town, in everything. he makes judging his purpose as well as his profession, becoming so stuck in cynicism he just barely manages reconciliation before dying in the war that was happening all along, whether he liked it or not. 

[antiloreolympus]

5 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. fastpass spoilers everyone who says persephone is just y/n at this point is right. she's an unsympathetic asshole (chasing a dude in a relationship and trying to dodge punishment), every man wants her, nothing is really her fault (introducing eris was so fucking cheap), and after zeus told her about his trauma she was incredibly callous about it. the worst part is how RS claims she isn't a mary sue and how the readers want persephone coddled. i honestly believe some fans see themselves as persephone, so they take any of her L's as a personal attack. god.anyways zeus best character

2. LBR, she will NOT make Aphrodite/Hephaestus endgame, so what's left exactly? Aphrodite uses a disabled man to "get back" at Ares? Hephaestus is tricked into a loveless marriage so Aphrodite to get back at Ares? Maybe they can follow the mythology (bc RS won't follow any of it unless its to make a disabled man miserable and demonize a woman who isn't Persephone) and have Aphrodite cheating on him and then blame HIM for not being hot like Ares. This whole thing is so bad no matter how you cut it.

3. I think Persephone being labeled as Queen of The Underworld is just.. way too soon in the comic. Like, how we were used to seeing her, she didn't really have any life of her own. She had the role of Demeter's child, someone who studies and is in constant care, but that was dropped the moment she met Hades. ...and that's about it. Persephone going to the overworld would have been a great experience for the readers to see her own grown leadership. How she's not being hidden away by her mother or by Hades for her crimes, how she deals with them head first, how she compared to Demeter in terms of being a leader. Maybe she's more modern, or more creative, maybe she created new flowers based on the underworld or Olympus (since we haven't seen her grow anything else but pedals). Maybe during her depression, her failed duties are what casted winter onto mortals. But no, instead of seeing her development, seeing what she knows vs what she's learned along the way, the timeskip just added a bandaid and said that she's as flawless as ever. It's such a grab bag of a timeskip, we don't get to see that development or see Persephones struggles, we just have to trust that it's there, and it did in fact happen. The story could also pull a Thanos in the future, remember the whole 'child labor' excuse they randomly pulled to make him look like a hypocrite? No doubt in my mind that things will be made up for Persephone as she goes. One flaw will be countered by a memory we were never exposed to, making an endless utility belt. It's annoying, the one thing people read any H and P story for is to see Persephone develop into her own character. She's just so hollow that it's unreal

4. I mean, it’s not just the fact LO defenders have bad excuses. It’s just the fact any hand-wringing defense of it can easily be beaten with more than two seconds of thought. It doesn’t matter how many excuses you try, it’s still a poorly written, declined art comic full of poor pacing, silly fan service and retcons, and a treasure trove of misogynistic, racist, queerphobic, antisemitic, ableist, and classist tropes, and much more. The reason defense of it often fails is bc it’s just not that good

5. Tbh the fact you can take her name off of the comic and still think a man made it is a BAD thing. I know there are some people who try and defend it with some loopy logic of her “reclaiming” the misogynistic way women are depicted by men or w/e but that’s?? Not true?? The whole thing screams MALE power fantasy? If anything that’s worse, Rachel is a woman who is undoubtedly has dealt with misogyny yet is like “ok but it’s good when when a guy I like does it” which like no?? That’s still bad??

[explosionshark]

Lilith/Ava or or Lilith/Mary :0?

Okay so I must preface by saying that THIS is the level me and @nataliving are at rn wrt Lilith shipping:

Which shouldn't be surprising at all if you've followed me for a while! It's a well established fact that a woman who is SO loveless and pathetic that she fucks up her own life and the lives of people she wants to be loved by about it is PREMIUM bait for me. I look at Lilith and all I want is to bite down on her with full jaw strength for a minimum of six seconds and shake her around ❤️

Lilith/Ava

Ship It - yes, but with conditions. I could appreciate a one-off hookup in a character study kind of way OR a situation where Bea is involved but I don't think I could really get into them as a long-term thing that's just the two of them alone.

What made you ship it?

I mean, hero/villain is kinda always hot, right? The 'tried to kill you multiple times but could never go through with it' of it all.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

The jealousy - Lilith wants what Ava has so badly, it would make sense if part of her also wanted Ava in this way too. They both have this really deep desire to be loved and wanted. I think you could find something really interesting and revealing about both of them, somewhere in all that mess.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I guess that would be in my premise, huh? I think it could be hot, but one on one I don't think they'd have anywhere to really go. And tbh Avatrice IS OTP, I think it would be just too sad for Ava and Lilith to get together while Bea is uh. Just hanging out, I guess. But I think they could be hot as a one-time three-way and I'm sure I could find an extremely self indulgent pretense to OT3 them if you gave me enough time and room to work.

Lilith/Mary

Ship It A LOT. This is my preferred Lilith ship by a mile.

What made you ship it?

Um, well. Every time they fought each other that was pretty hot. But beyond that - there's this implied history with them, the tension of Lilith's coveting the halo during Shannon's tenure, there's Mary challenging Lilith when she's going off the rails and ultimately being the one who gets through to Lilith when she's trying to fight Ava at the tomb. That WHOLE scene is enough for me. "I see you." Woof.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Outlined above! But also I think there's so much potential in Mary grieving Shannon being aided/complicated by falling into something with Lilith, since the three of them have such a fraught history. I think the idea of them getting together would be such a good arc of moving on - Mary accepting Shannon's loss and letting herself be close to someone, Lilith giving up the dream of being the halo bearer and the life that she'd imagined for herself and actually making choices based on what she wants and not what someone's told her she should be doing.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

God idk what general opinions of them are. I guess my Hot Take is that they would probably be a more popular ship if more AUs kept Shannon dead (not that I can blame them. I think if I was writing an AU I would also let Shannon live).

[futilething]

I was born a girl. The experience of being a girl is unlike anything. I've played with makeup since I was 4 years old. I had ugly white block heel mary janes that I had to beg my mom to let me wear to school. They had a frilly flower on them and pearls I believe. My mother always called them hideous and it hurt my feelings because I loved them so much. They made me feel like a girl. I put on purple eye shadow, blush, lip gloss that tasted like cherry candy and my white mary jane child's church shoes that never set foot in a church and felt so whole for once. People think you can't feel empty as a child but I think you can. I remember this awful, inescapable restless feeling overcoming me while I was laying on my stomach on the couch in our family room watching Barney on the tv. I don't know what that was or why it happened but I remember it so vividly. I remember being scared that that feeling would last forever, I feel like that now too. But it never does and it won't. Sometimes the feelings linger for a while but I tell myself they aren't forever. I think about why I felt like that when I was 4, did other children feel like that?

Sometimes I wished I was less of a girl. I wished I liked lizards and turtles. I wished I liked swimming in lakes and stepping in mud. I wished I liked red but it was a boys color to me. I like red now, it's not a boys color. I went fishing with my dad and my sister but I was always hoping the time would start moving faster so we could go home. I wished I liked sneakers. I wish I didn't care about love so much.

I've wanted love from a very young age and I don't know where I learned it from. It's the only thing I've consistently desired in life. As everything fades and I grow and my mind changes, I still find myself aching for this experience I haven't found yet. It's felt like an eternity, it hasn't been. In my mind I'm still 16 because of this. Someone should love you when you're 16, but it's okay if it doesn't happen. Sometimes I wonder if this is a sign to do something loveless. To go in an opposite direction. To become a nun or something spiritual where I cannot experience love as the modern knows it. I've never been spiritual like that, I wasn't raised around religion. I prayed to God every night when I was 11 because my friend taught me how. Forehead, chest, and shoulders. Please keep my friends and family safe. I have only been to church a few times after a sleepover, but I was always bored out of my mind, except once when the sunlight was coming in through the windows and the air was warm, and everyone was reading something together. I mouthed words because I didn't know what was being said and I didn't want to read.

I've only had one boyfriend who wasn't my boyfriend. I used to bring him chocolate as a gift. During that time and for about a year after I felt so spiritual. I felt connected to the earth, I felt like I could talk to a higher being through car headlights and streetlights going out around me. This still happens to me now but I don't think anything of it. I haven't talked to anyone in years, I just can't and when I try to the subject seems to change. If I have I don't remember it. It happens 3 hours into a phone call when I'm tired and I say anything and I just want to hang up and lay in bed. I love when my friends call me, I love that we still call each other. I don't recognize who I was 4 years ago, and I think that's okay, I just wish I wasn't embarrassed by her. She's just a girl trying to experience love for the first time. I miss it, it's better than being here sometimes. Although I can't go back and I don't really want to.

[hookedonapirate]

Lady Cassidy's Lover

Summary: 1919 England, Emma Cassidy, wife of a baronet, finds herself trapped in a loveless marriage after the war leaves her husband, Neal, paralyzed from the waist down and unable to produce an heir.

Despite the obstacles, she sticks by her husband's side at Goldby Hall, his family's estate, but when she meets former army lieutenant and Neal's aloof gamekeeper, Killian Jones, she feels curiously drawn to his distant blue eyes and quiet demeanor.

At first, she seeks him out for reprieve from her soulless, mundane existence at Goldby Hall, but what starts out as purely physical quickly turns into more than either of them expects.

But Emma is a baronetess, wife of an aristocrat and Killian is a working class servant. Their love affair is frowned upon, and she risks losing her title, her wealth and her position in the world by being with him. But she is determined to get her happy ending with the man she loves. Even if it means losing everything else in the process.

A/N: Thank you @ultraluckycatnd and for looking this over and for being amazing!

Based on Lady Chatterley's Lover for @captainswanmoviemarathon

Hope you all enjoy!

Catch up: Ch 1 I Ch 2 I Ch 3 I Ch 4 I Ch 5 I Ch 6 I Ch 7 I Ch 8 I Ch 9 I Ch 10 I Ch 11 I Ch 12 I Epilogue

Also on: AO3

Chapter Nine

Dear Emma,

Father is going to London this week and I shall call for you on Thursday, June 17th. You must be ready so we can go at once. I don’t want to waste time at Goldby, it’s an awful place. I shall probably stay the night at Retford, so I should be with you for lunch on Thursday. Then we could start at teatime and sleep perhaps in Mansfield with the Tremaines. It is no use our spending an evening with Neal. If he hates that you’re going, it would be no pleasure to him.

Can't wait to see you!

Love,

Mary Margaret

The sun is shining, the pale blue sky dotted with clouds as Emma walks beside Neal, his three-wheeled motor chair chugging along. It’s quite a lovely Sunday morning, despite the thick, gray clouds that have loomed over Emma ever since she told Killian she was expecting.

She had suspected it wouldn’t go over well with him once she told him Neal wanted the child for his own agenda—to have an heir—but Emma had been too wracked with emotions to tell Killian she didn’t want that. He had been too stubborn to listen anyway.

He is sure Emma only wanted him for a child, but that is so far from the truth. On one hand, she can understand why he feels made use of, but on the other, she would think he knows her enough by now—knows how much she cares for him—to know she wouldn’t do that. She’s not like Milah. Emma’s never met her, but she knows she is a vile woman who treated Killian like something his dog threw up.

“With the new generators, we’ll be able to reduce the workforce. Striking will be impossible.”

Emma furrows her brows at Neal. “What about the workers?”

He shrugs. “No man’s forced to work for me and I’m not forced to hire them. What is the point of striking in the first place? Merely ruins the industry, what’s left of it.”

“Perhaps they don’t mind ruining the industry,” Emma points out wryly, disgusted by Neal’s views on the working class. He speaks of them like they are less than human. Like they can just be replaced by machines and everything will be okay.

“Ah, don’t talk like a woman. The industry fills their bellies, even if it can’t keep their pockets quite so flush.”

Emma scoffs. “No wonder the men hate you.” She’s not sure what makes her feel worse—the way Neal treats the workers or the way she has hurt Killian. It was not intentional, but still, she feels completely and utterly terrible. She had seen the pain on Killian’s face when she told him Neal was glad to have a baby, as long as it seemed to be his.

Neal wrinkles his brows in confusion. He’s completely clueless. “They don’t hate me. They depend on me. They should be grateful. They’d starve without someone to tend to them.”

Her stomach turns as she flashes him a scowl. “You talk about them as if they’re herd animals.”

He chuckles. “Don’t be foolish. They are animals. Not all of them, of course. An individual may rise from the pack now and again. Most of those men have been under rule since the dawn of time.

He cannot be serious!

How did Emma end up with such a cold-hearted, callous husband? She’s ashamed to even call him her husband.

She rolls her eyes, speaking in a sarcastic tone. “And you can rule them?”

“Yes, because I’ve been brought up and trained to do so. That’s my role in society, as it’s their place to serve.”

She throws up her hands, completely done with this conversation. As well as Neal and his attitudes about the working class. “So there is no shared humanity between us?”

“We all need to eat and breathe, but beyond that, no.”

Emma stops in her tracks, dumbfounded and revolted, as Neal goes on his merry way, proud of his closed-minded and shallow views.

“Shall we go as far as the spring?”

You can go as far as hell, for all I care! Emma refrains from saying, feeling a powerful urge to turn around and head back, leaving Neal to fend for himself and hoping his wheelchair gets stuck and he rots in the damn thing.

Emma looks past him, her heart jolting when she sees Killian striding toward them, his dog trotting alongside him.

“Good day to you, Mr. Jones!”

“Good day.” Killian salutes, not even looking her way. She hurries over, her eyes pleading with him as she whispers so Neal can’t hear her. “Killian, shall I see you tonight?”

He ignores her as if she’s not there, his face expressionless as he continues walking.

Her heart plummets, but she supposes she deserves it.

Papp, papp.

Emma hears the toot of Neal’s horn. Annoyed and irritated by both stubborn men, she huffs and begrudgingly follows Neal.

When she catches up to him, the motor of his wheelchair strains and balks and struggles to move along any further.

“Wait, Neal. I’ll push.” Emma comes up behind him.

“No! Don’t!” he groans angrily. “What’s the good of the damned thing if it has to be pushed!” When he tries to get it going, the engine falters and starts up again, but more ineffectual this time.

“Neal, you’re making it worse!”

“Hell, be quiet, woman, will you?!” he barks indignantly.

Emma groans, the urge to leave him stranded here intensifying by the second.

“Damn thing!” Neal grunts in exasperation and honks the horn stridently. “Jones!”

Killian appears from behind, striding up to them solicitously. “Yes, Sir Neal?”

She knows he probably turned around and started toward them once he heard Neal shouting and struggling.

“Know anything about blasted motors?” Neal sighs.

“I’m afraid not. Has she gone wrong?”

“Apparently!” Neal snaps as if to say Isn’t it obvious? He gestures wildly toward the chair. “Just have a look and see that nothing’s broken,” he demands harshly, not even bothering with civility. After all, Killian is just an animal, according to Neal.

Emma seethes silently behind him, clenching her fists.

Killian sets his gun on the ground as Jolly sits in the grass, wagging her tail. He lays flat on his stomach and peers under the chair, poking at the greasy engine with his finger, inspecting it for a moment before pushing himself up. “Seems all right as far as I can see, sir.”

“Then stand back.” Neal starts the engine again and shifts it into gear. The chair hums and lurches like it wants to start, but it doesn’t budge.

Killian places his hand on the back of it to keep it from rolling backward. “Maybe, if I give her a push.” He starts forcing the chair forward but Neal resents the interference.

“No, no, keep off! She’ll do it by herself.” He is determined to get the thing moving again, but it only coughs and sputters, weakly ebbing forward. By this point, he is pale with anger and jabs obstinately at the levers. The chair reels on for a few more yards before coming to an end once more.

“She’s done,” Killian points out. “Not enough power.”

Neal doesn’t listen and instead yanks the gear again, successfully steering it forward. The chair fights the steepness of the hill, but Killian manages to get it moving again, pushing it steadily.

“Yes, that’s it! You see, she’s doing it!” Neal cheers victoriously, unaware Killian is aiding the chair along until Neal glances over his shoulder. “Are you pushing her? I asked you not to!”

“It won’t go if I don’t,” Killian wheezes breathlessly, using all his strength to keep the chair going.

“Give it a chance, man!” Neal barks vehemently.

Killian releases the chair and stands back, him and Emma watching as it struggles immediately, standing inert. Neal is white with vexation as he jerks at the levers, and with savage impatience, he moves the handles and gets some humming and rumbling out of it, only to have the chair slowly roll backward.

“Neal, your brake!” Emma cries, moving forward to stop it.

Killian grabs the chair by the rail, and Neal quickly brakes, the chair jerking sideways and coming to a halt.

Neal sits rigid with rage as he kills the engine. It’s silent for a moment before he exhales a sigh of defeat. “It’s obvious I’m at everybody’s bloody mercy.”

Killian is still holding onto the chair as Emma rushes over to the other side of him.

“It would seem, Mr. Jones, that she would need to be pushed,” he grumbles resentfully. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all, sir.”

“Alright.” Neal steers the chair forward and shifts it into gear.

“Hang on, hang on.” Killian catches the chair again when it starts to roll back. “One, two, three.”

The engine roars to life once more.

“Bombs away!” Neal shouts as Killian pushes it forward.

The chair is moving steadily for a moment.

“There we are.”

Killian grunts once it slows down.

The chair stops once more, and Killian coughs, struggling to move it any further.

“For God’s sake, man, what’s the matter with you?” Neal asks impatiently, showing the man no compassion, even though Killian is trying to help him.

“Lungs are a bit knackered, sir. Little souvenir from the war.”

Flushed with anger, Emma goes to his side, takes hold of the chair and helps him push.

“For God’s sake, Emma!” Neal barks at her. “What the hell are you doing?”

“He needs my help!” She’s nearly at her wits’ end with him. She turns to look at Killian in concern as they continue to push the chair up the hill. “You alright?” she whispers.

He answers with a nod, but he looks angry. She has to wonder if he’s still mad at her or if he’s angry at Neal.

She leans in and kisses his cheek, but to her dismay, he releases the chair, turns around and walks away, Jolly following behind him. Emma’s heart constricts as she watches him pick up his gun and continue without so much as looking back in her direction. She turns around and watches in vexation as Neal’s chair chugs along.

For the first time, she finds herself consciously hating Neal—with vivid hatred—and wishing more than anything that he was obliterated from the face of the earth. She uses her hatred to push him the rest of the way. 

It’s strange how free and full of life it makes her feel, to hate him and to admit it fully to herself.

When they return to Goldby, the servants help get him into his house chair, and Emma, still furious, can no longer contain her feelings toward him.

“I suppose the other chair will need a new set of wheels,” Neal says, trailing behind her.

She ignores his statement. “Who do you think you are? I mean, how can you treat someone like that?”

Neal scoffs. “Who? The gamekeeper?” He says it as if Killian is nothing.

Emma turns around, pinning him with a glare. “He was injured in the war as well. I mean, if he was in that chair, what would you have done to him?”

Neal’s eyes widen and fill with rage as he wheels himself toward her. “I find your comparison in very bad taste.”

Emma turns around and heads upstairs, shouting over her shoulder. “Well, I find your lack of common sympathy to be in the worst taste imaginable!” She spins around, not even bothering to hide the anger and irritation she feels. “You and your ruling class! I thought you were different, but you’re not. You make people work for £2 a week or starve. It’s not ruling, Neal. That’s bullying.” With that, she turns back around and marches upstairs to her room, leaving Neal stunned in his chair.

She is determined to get him off her mind, though. She doesn’t want to hate him. She doesn’t want to feel anything toward him.

Outside, the sky turns gray, there’s a storm coming, but Emma is determined to make things right with Killian. She says nothing to Neal during lunch, and afterward, she sneaks out before it rains, racing across the park. She heads to Killian’s cottage and doesn’t bother to knock, simply steps inside and tries to catch her breath as her eyes search around for him. 

He is sitting on a stair step, removing his boots and setting them aside. He looks over at her, his eyes no longer filled with anger. In fact, they’re the usual calming blue. 

God, he is handsome. His hair is unruly from running his hand through it, and he’s dressed in trousers and a white undershirt with the top three buttons undone, exposing his exquisitely soft chest hair, suspenders strapped over his shoulders. She so badly wants to run over to him, wrap her arms around him and hold him, never letting him go.

“I’m sorry.” She steps closer as he plants his elbows on his knees, his eyes fixed on hers. “I’m sorry for hurting you.” She’s hoping he’ll forgive her, hoping he was simply frustrated this morning by Neal and the fact that she is carrying a child Neal will try to claim as his. A small smile tugs at her lips as she shakes her head. “I don’t want you for the sake of a child. I just want you , Killian. Alright?”

He nods, his expression softening. “Alright.”

“But Neal...he has to believe I tried to keep us together. That this was his idea, just all gone terribly wrong.” She sucks in a breath. “For him to give me a divorce, for us to be together, he needs to believe that.” She swallows hard and exhales deeply, her heart pounding. “I’m in love with you.”

He is silent for a moment as he stares at her, but it’s a warm stare, not a cold one like the one he’d given her when he was upset with her. Finally, his lips crack into a smile, his blue eyes twinkling. “I’m so bloody in love with you, Emma.”

She sighs in relief, her heart singing as she goes over to him. “I just want to be with you. If that’s what you want.”

“You know what I want.” His eyes darken a little, a slight bitterness in his tone. “I want to be with you always, and not have to watch you go back to Neal ever again.”

Her heart squeezes at that. She wants the same.

“But I still have to get a divorce from Milah myself.”

She holds out her hand, and he takes it, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. She winds hers around his nape, sighing pleasantly against him. She had missed the way he feels against her, the way he smells, and being enveloped in his embrace. She had missed his voice and his tenderness and his kisses.

“Aye, let’s dinna fight,” he murmurs against her neck, kissing her there, sighing against her as he tightens his hold around her, whispering ever so softly, “I’m sorry, love.”

Emma pulls back slightly to look at his face. “I’m sorry for the way Neal acted this morning. It was horrid.”

He shakes his head gently. “Don’t apologize for him.”

Emma searches his eyes. “Are you sure you didn’t hurt yourself with that chair?” 

“No, I’m fine now. My heart’s just not as strong, and my lungs aren’t as elastic as they were before the war.”

Emma’s heart aches for him and for all that he has suffered. She wants to take all his pain away. “Do you hate Neal?”

“Hate him? No. I’ve met too many like him to upset myself by hating him. I knew beforehand I don’t care for his sort, and I let it go at that.” He narrows his eyes at her. “Do you hate him?”

She shrugs. “I didn’t before today. But I hate the way he treats people. I hate the way he treated you. But I don’t want to think about him. As you said yourself, I don’t want to upset myself by hating him.” She cups his cheeks in her hands, speaking softer, a smile touching her lips. “Why don’t we just leave them all behind?” Her fingers brush along his ginger scruff. “Go to Australia. Go somewhere…anywhere.”

He grins, his beautiful blue eyes lighting up at that idea as his hand caresses her belly. “The three of us?”

Her heart flutters. “Mmhmm. Just our family.” She rests her forehead against his. “No one would judge us.”

He kisses her mouth, whispering against her lips, “Sounds bloody perfect.” He nuzzles her nose with his, closing his eyes. “I’m pleased for us. I’m pleased for you to be pleased.”

She giggles and kisses him again.

A peaceful silence falls over them for a moment, only interrupted by the low rumble in the sky and the soft pattering of the rain outside.

She looks over, watching the rain stream down the window. She rises from his lap and kneels down to unlace her boots, pulling them off and removing her stockings and dress.

“Emma? What are you doing?” he asks, his eyes dancing with amusement as she removes the pins from her hair and shakes out her loose blonde locks.

She smirks and cocks her head toward the door before opening it. The steady rain pours down like a sheet, and she feels a rush of adrenaline, knowing everything will be okay. Knowing she’ll get to leave Neal and be with Killian and raise their child together. There is something so freeing about knowing what she wants in life. Knowing what they both want— each other . And their family.

She dashes outside in her underclothes, extending her arms and tipping her head back to face the rain head on. She spins around, screaming and giggling, the rain wet and refreshing on her skin. “Woohooo!”

~*~

He rises from the step and goes over to the doorway, watching her in fascination. The second she stepped into his cottage, he saw the look on her face, and the anger and disappointment he felt toward her had instantly melted away. Her eyes were full of apology and softness and he didn't have the heart to not hang onto every word she told him.

He felt like a complete arse for storming away like he had in the park, but he could no longer listen to Neal and the way he spoke to Emma, his own wife, nor could he be around her without wanting to wrap his arms around her and kiss the bloody hell out of her right in front of the bastard. Then she told him she loved him and wanted to leave them all behind and go somewhere, just the three of them, and he was a complete goner, just like he was the first time they kissed. He decided from that moment on, he will do whatever it takes for the three of them to be a family. He will jump over whatever obstacles it takes to make Emma and their baby happy.

Their baby.

He still can't believe he's going to be a father.

It's surreal. But he loves the idea of that. Of him and Emma raising their wee little boy or girl together.

It makes him so happy to think about.

Killian holds his breath as Emma removes her underclothes and runs across his yard, tossing the garments aside and dancing. He grins from ear to ear, thinking she is crazy for running out into the rain, naked nonetheless, but at the same time, he enjoys seeing her carefree and happy like this, her naked form so beautiful and pure and ivory against the rain. He lets out a chuckle, strips off his clothes and jumps out into the harsh, slanting rain while completely naked. Jolly leaps in front of him, barking frantically.

Emma, her hair all wet and matted to her head, looks at him, her green eyes blazing with excitement. When he runs over to her and throws his arms around her wet, naked body and carries her in his arms, she shrieks and wraps her arms around the back of his neck, her chilled skin quickly heating up at the contact. He spins her around and then sets her down on her feet, falling to the ground when the world continues to spin around him. He chuckles and quickly recovers, getting up and chasing her. 

They run around for he’s not sure how long until he catches her from behind and wraps his arms around her stomach. They stop, just standing there, holding each other, motionless against the biting rain.

When they head inside, he quickly grabs two towels and comes back to her. Emma’s hair is plastered down by the rain, her face flushed ruddy, and her body glistening and wet, her beautiful breasts rapidly rising and falling as she tries to catch her breath. He rubs her down with a towel before she takes it from him, scrubbing her hair with it. He wipes himself off with his towel, starts the fire and grabs a blanket from upstairs. When he returns, Emma is kneeling on the hearthrug, shaking out her hair in front of the fire to dry it. Killian wraps the blanket around his back and sits in the chair, watching her in fascination. He gazes at the lovely curves of her hips, her thighs, her beautiful arse. And in between her thighs is her warm, secret entrance he loves getting lost in. 

Releasing the blanket, he reaches out and strokes her bare bottom with his hand, taking her round, perfect globes in his hands.

She cranes her neck around to look at him, giving him a smirk.

He smirks back, his cheeks heating. “Sorry, love, I can’t help myself. You’ve got a very lovely arse. The loveliest arse of anybody.” He caresses her soft skin, his fingertips disappearing between her thighs and sinking into her heat before brushing over the puckered entrance between her cheeks. “If I only lived ten minutes and had the pleasure of stroking your arse, I should reckon I’d lived one life very happily. Here’s one of my lifetimes.”

Laughing, she rises and turns around, climbing into his lap. She straddles his waist, her arms winding around the back of his neck, her eyes piercing his. “Kiss me,” she whispers against his lips. 

And he does, slowly and softly, combing his hand through her damp, disheveled hair.

He knows the thought of their separation is latent in both their minds. He’s not looking forward to her departure to Venice, he dreads the thought of not being able to see her for three bloody weeks. It will be torture for him. 

She rests her head against his chest as he pulls the blanket around them and holds her close, their naked bodies now warm and dry against each other, the flames crackling and blazing in the fireplace. 

After the rain ceases, they both rise, and he wraps the blanket around her and dons the clothes he’d discarded on the floor, letting his suspenders hang from his waist. He goes outside the cottage to retrieve her underclothes, Jolly running out the door and roaming around the yard.

He wrings them out as best he can before heading inside. She puts on her dress, deciding to leave her underclothes hanging out to dry so she doesn’t have to wear wet clothes or explain to Neal why she took them off and is carrying them around.

~*~

Yellow rays of sun are shining through the trees as Killian escorts her to the park gate, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and hers around his back. They hadn’t imbibed any alcohol, but she feels drunk. Drunk on life. Drunk on the feeling of knowing she has a future with Killian. Drunk on love.

She loves this feeling and never wants it to subside.

She just doesn’t know what exactly will happen after she tells Neal she wants a divorce. She’s not sure where she and Killian and the baby will go, but it doesn’t really matter as long as they are together.

“I leave for Venice on Friday.” They stop in their tracks to face each other. She almost resents that she has to leave. “I want to see you before I go. Shall I come by the cottage the night before?”

He arches a brow. “Isn’t your sister picking you up that night?”

“Yes, but she’s staying nearby in Mansfield with some friends. She’ll sleep there that night and I’ll sleep with you. I can have her drop me off at your place.”

“Then she’ll have to know about us.”

“Yes, but that’s okay. I already mentioned you, just not by name.” Emma flashes a teasing smirk. “Don’t worry, she’ll adore you as I do.”

Blush paints Killian’s cheeks, and he smiles. “Alright then.” He leans in and captures her lips.

Emma’s heart races, her breaths shattered as their mouths fuse together, tongues caressing tenderly and passionately. He wraps his other arm around her frame as she melts against his body and runs her hand up and down the expanse of his back. 

Her skin heats up as he completely closes the distance between them, their heads tilting to deepen the kiss, bodies flush against each other. She feels like she’s floating, and she never wants to let him go. She’s so glad he forgave her, she had been miserable when he was mad at her, when he thought she only wanted him for the sake of a child. 

“Milady?!”

Emma’s eyes widen when she hears Johanna calling for her. They both separate immediately, and Killian pulls his suspenders over his shoulders, turning away from her, both of them trying to reassemble themselves after that kiss. But her heart is still pounding and her cheeks are still warm, her lips swollen. It’s obvious they’ve been kissing.

Mrs. Bolton’s face is pale as she rounds some trees and stops quickly, breathing a laden sigh of relief when she spots Emma. “Oh, milady, there you are! Sir Neal asked me to look for you. He was worried something had happened.”

Emma offers a faint smile, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, despite the fact she is livid that Neal sent someone out looking for her. “No. No, I was sheltering in the hut from the rain.”

Mrs. Bolton glances at Killian, and Emma thinks it’s obvious he loves her. It’s written all over his flushed face, his blue eyes sparkling as he looks at her. Mrs. Bolton can probably see that too. She’s no fool. 

He greets her kindly. “Mrs. Bolton. Your Ladyship will be quite all right from here. Good evening to you. Good evening to you, Your Ladyship.” He salutes them, his eyes meeting Emma’s once more before he turns around and walks away.

Emma is fuming with anger as she walks back to Goldby with Johanna. “I am not a child. It’s monstrous I have to be followed.”

“My Ladyship, don’t say that. Sir Neal was sure you’d been struck by lightning. And he was determined to send Cogsworth and Plumette to the forest to find the body. So I thought I’d better come, rather than set all the servants agog.”

Emma offers her a small smile and shakes her head as she places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault. It’s foolish of Neal to worry.”

“Well, let’s go home now.” Johanna grabs the boots and stockings from Emma’s hands, taking in the state of her hair. “And I’ll take care of the rest.”

When they reach Goldby, Neal is waiting for her in the foyer as she marches toward him. “You don’t need to send the servants out after me.”

Johanna stands back, watching the scene unfold before her.

“God, where have you been, woman?!” Neal explodes like a volcano, steam practically shooting from his ears. She can tell he had been stewing for a while now. “You’ve been out for hours! Hours! And in a storm like this? What in the name of hell have you been doing?”

She shakes her slightly damp hair with her fingers. “I went to the hut and lit a fire.”

He eyes her up and down with a scowl on his face.  “Look at you. The state of your hair!”

Emma gets a rush of satisfaction from seeing him so enraged. It’s one of the few positive feelings she has felt toward him in a very long time. “I went out into the rain… naked ,” she replies very breezily as she strides past him, heading toward the stairs, not about to let herself get worked up over Neal and how upset he is.

He spins around in his chair and rolls after her, his eyes bulging out, his nostrils flaring. “Are you mad?! Suppose Jones had seen you while you were prancing around with nothing on.”

She stops at the foot of the stairs and places a hand on the baluster, turning around to face him. She tries to feign a look of concern, but a smirk teases her lips. “Yes…suppose he had.”

Neal gapes at her, his face as white as a sheet. 

She thinks about what Killian had said after he had not only seen her prancing out in the rain naked but also joined her. She wishes, she dearly wishes, she could tell Neal that not only did he see her bare ass, but that he said it was the loveliest ass he’d ever seen. Instead, she prances her lovely ass upstairs to her bedroom. “You’re right, Neal. I should really go and get cleaned up.”

He calls after her angrily. “Emma!”

[anoseforrottenapples]

♒

“Do you ever think about just…running away?” The question slipped out unbidden, and Mary pressed her lips together. Almost as soon as she said those words, she regretted them. How could she ask a near-stranger such a bizarre question? Having no desire to try and meet Theo’s eyes, she kept her own focused on her lap. Fingers idly plucked at the sampler sitting there, abandoned for the moment. She should work on it, but she really had no heart too do so at the moment… Mary had no heart for much of anything right now… as distressing as the thought was to her, all she could think about lately was taking Thomas and running away. Running to where? She had no idea… but she wanted to get away from everything. A loveless marriage… a husband who thought of another woman… a father-in-law who resented her more and more every day… a village that gossiped about her… She could not allow herself to fall into this spiral though. She had to pull out… too many people were counting on her to hold herself together. She could not fail them. She could not fail little Thomas. Lifting her shoulders slightly, as if she was dismissing something unpleasant, she swallowed. Trying to dismiss the uncharacteristic crack in her veneer, she blinked and pulled a politely demure smile onto her features. “Would you like another cup of tea, Mr. Becktel? Or something to eat?”

[amortentva]

full  name.  marlene citra maharani.  aliases.  professor maharani to students, marley, mar, mari, willow's mom.  house.  hufflepuff.   blood  status.  muggleborn.  occupation.  professor on the board of specialisation for magical artifacts.   spoken  languages.  english,  indonesian,  javanese, latin. faceclaim. happy salma.

tws ahead: drug addiction, abandonment, infidelity.

marlene was born in harborne, england, to parents who never married despite their common addiction and two children together. their mother got clean before marlene was born, but their father never did and his company became scarce, the family only seeing him every few months. eventually, when marlene was just five, her mom packed up and moved them to cotswold once she realized he was only coming around and giving the girls false hope of having a relationship with no intentions of ever sticking around.

her mother started working at a little family owned bakery in cotswold, and the family was incredibly welcoming, to the point of taking the responsibility of rent off of her hands and letting her and her two daughters move into the apartment above the bakery.

it's in that little apartment that eight year old marlene shows signs of magic for the first time, making her toys move with her mind just by thinking of how silly it would be if her toy horse started marching around. to her absolute delight, it did. she kept it to herself, though, and wasn't nearly as shocked when she got her invitation to odalric school of witchcraft and wizardry. at school, she meets lily, james, remus, and her entire life changes. sadly, with each year she comes back enthused and gushing about her friends and new knowledge, her mother and sister seem closer than ever before.. and they never seem too happy to hear about her stories.

holidays with her friends become more and more frequent, and by the time she's leaving for her first year at aurelius, she's cut off contact from her mother and sister and living on her own. at aurelius, she studies magical artifacts, sparked by the unique cloak of invisibility her friend james possesses and the howlers she witnesses her older friends molly and her brothers receive from their overbearing yet sweet mother. it's there that she meets cillian burke, and over time, convinces herself that her harmless little crush means nothing when he's a married man. one thing leads to another, and that harmless little crush.. somehow isn't as harmless anymore, with shared looks across classrooms and constantly running into one another at parties. he tells her it's a loveless marriage, a contract he's expected to fulfill, that everyone does it. so she gives in.

neither of them expect marlene to become pregnant ( neither of them expect marlene to be in love ). when she breaks the news, cillian breaks her heart – he has no plans of leaving his wife, and she's left to lean on her friends for comfort with her heartbreak and new motherhood. cillian ignores marlene's existence completely from then on out, but when willow is born, he's there to offer financial assistance. he knows marlene doesn't have much, and with a child to care for, he offers her money for her silence. she gets money from him for years as she raises willow, and while she never shielded her child from the truth of her wrongdoings, she also never disclosed the identity of their father.

now, marlene works as a professor at aurelius on the board of specialisation for magical artifacts. she's a sweet, well-loved teacher, and gives a few too many chances to students making up their coursework if they ever fall behind. she loves what she does, and even teaches a student she remembers as a young boy stumbling around with his father. she wonders if willow and weston will ever find out the truth for themselves, because it'll never be her spilling the beans.

character notes. headcanons, school notes, and more.

willow and marlene are INCREDIBLY close

every student is her favorite student ... genuinely. i'm sorry if she tells u that u are her favorite student because she tells that to everyone,, but to be fair she means it every time!!

if she ever catches u doing something bad, she doesn't get u in trouble, she just says "hey at least i caught u, just get outta here and be more careful from here on out!! i'll only let u go this once!!" (she says that every time. and lets them go ... every time)