#thinking about that youtuber alayna joy

[carpathxanridge]

i’ve said before that ‘bi lesbians’/‘comphet lesbians’ are the modern day political lesbians, and i do still believe that in that both have done similar harm in eroding the lesbian community. but i think now it’s more like the flip side of a coin, and the differences matter in what they say about the current state of feminist consciousness in our generations. all of these groups are/were women who are essentially bisexual yet only want to date women. however, political lesbians had the feminist consciousness to be able to make that choice and advocate it as the best choice for all women. whereas, with ‘bi lesbians’ and ‘comphet lesbians,’ the notion of choice is unfathomable to them. in a culture where the biggest crime a woman can commit is being sexually inaccessible to men, but any degree of radical feminist thought is heretical, women who want to make this choice instead turn to labels, whether consciously or unconsciously, that absolve them of the sin of agency, of directly saying ‘no’ to men. for some ‘bi lesbians’ i’ve seen, it’s like they recognize their bisexuality but reject all coherence to claim they nonetheless have a lesbian ‘essence’ that, as if an external force, drives them to identify in this way and prefer to date women. for the ‘comphet’ crowd, they pick apart and analyze their entire sexual history to construct a neat narrative that explains why suddenly they no longer want to date men—perhaps this was their nature all along. they are driven to claiming the gay experience of being ‘born this way,’ of their sexuality being beyond their control. and for all they talk of heterosexuality being compulsive, they act out many compulsions themselves to banish their osa (see: tiktok videos of this genre lmao). this is all because if they recognize they are attracted to men and are actively CHOOSING not to date them… that’s not a choice they are comfortable in. and there’s no doubt that many of them fear being in too close a proximity to radical feminism.

granted, these are generalizations and patterns i’ve recognized in a certain subgroup of these women, and there are others whose motivations for adopting these labels i would afford less sympathy to. especially those who date trans identified males, and adopt the lesbian label almost as an opportunity to be elevated in their circle as an example of ‘correct’ behavior. but i think, judging from all of these videos in this vein i’ve watched of women who adopt these labels, that it’s important to recognize this crisis of agency in our generation, so great that women would literally rather brainwash themselves into believing they are and have always been lesbians than accept their sexual orientations and feel comfortable in making a choice in being female exclusive. i think many of these women truly believe that attraction is destiny, and that if they accept they are attracted to men then they’re obligated to act on it. and that’s concerning, from a radical feminist pov. i don’t think lesbians should have to prioritize sympathizing with or addressing this, because it’s first essential to reject homophobic postmodern nonsense, but i think bisexuals should be focusing on reaching out to these kinds of women and building a stronger semblance of feminist consciousness/separatist community within the bi community. because without presenting these women with another visible option, i think this phenomenon is legit never going to stop.

[captainwhatscomphet]

I’m confused.

I started this blog because I’m confused. In February of this year I came out as bisexual. I told my boyfriend, my best friend, and my mom. They were all positive experiences and not a big deal and I haven’t really talked about it to anyone since. Flash forward several months, my boyfriend and I break up, I move home and start watching a lot of lesbian youtubers.

One youtuber named Alayna Joy came out as a lesbian this year after years of identifying as bisexual, and through her videos I was introduced to the lesbian master doc, and I related to a lot of what was written in it. Cue me freaking out discovering I was a lesbian, but after thinking about it for a while I still thought this could still mean I’m bisexual after thinking about my past experiences with men and how I feel about men now.

It can be hard to figure this stuff out in general, but during a pandemic where I’m not seeing anyone outside of my family anymore, and I don’t feel comfortable sitting down and talking to my mom about this, or my friends over text or FaceTime right now, I just feel really alone. And confused.

This blog is for me to document my journey I guess in exploring my sexuality, and for me to be a part of the lgbtq+ community on tumblr while still staying personally anonymous for the time being.

[chappell-roans]

youtube recommendations

like three months ago i got positive feedback about sharing my favorite youtubers and now i thought i would finally follow through! i’ve been watching a lot of different types of channels at this stage in quarantine. all the recommendations are below the cut because this got long. i watch all of these channels (some more frequently than others) and enjoy them. if you have any questions, recommendations or want some videos in particular, let me know!

the categories i’m recommending are: lifestyle, comedy/commentary, educational/news, film and tv writing/analysis, beauty, photography and more.

lifestyle/beauty

melanie murphy - one of the few youtubers where i hate to miss a video. bisexual irish author who is sex positive and speaks openly about a variety of topics including food and overcoming eds, relationships, culture, beauty, etc.

shaaanxo - my favorite “beauty guru” is this kiwi. i love her style and her looks and i feel like her reviews are really fair and honest. not a professional makeup artist and has practiced and improved after years. (i also enjoy her vlog channel.)

abookutopia - booktuber/lifestyle channel that i’ve been following for...6 or 7 years? very positive and uplifting and i was definitely living vicariously through her scotland vlogs from a couple years ago.

cammie scott - lots of beauty content as well as vlogs. her femme lesbian videos are probably my faves.

jerianie - finnish lifestyle youtuber/photographer/animator. such nice vibes from her content.

elena taber - she typically makes a lot of lifestyle and travel content but this has obviously shifted during the pandemic (so casual...you know, just the pandemic).

just between us - been a fan of them for years. fun and funny discussions.

alayna joy - i can’t say i watch every video but she has a really sweet personality and posts a lot of sexuality content.

jessie b - lifestyle, sexuality content, vlogs, exercise and more. melanie murphy’s sister and their collabs are the best.

arden rose - again, i mostly watch her videos that seem interesting or when i just want something on in the background, but she also has a nice vibe and shares makeup and looots of lifestyle content.

violin md - this one is so random but technically lifestyle...day in the life of a medical resident! so fascinating to me.

comedy/commentary

tom harlock - such a dry and dark sense of humor and every single video genuinely makes me laugh out loud at least once. 

drew gooden - he reminds me a lot of john mulaney in demeanor and comedy and he also always gets a laugh and provides a nice perspective in his commentary videos.

strange aeons - i love this lesbian. her tumblr deepdives are favorites and ones i think anyone here would appreciate but honestly all her videos are really funny.

cody ko - pretty famous and his commentary videos are generally funny. i don’t watch every video but sometimes i’m in the mood for his over the top editing and funny commentary. if you watch anything by him, check out his girl defined videos. they’re hilarious.

alex meyers - a little different from the others because his commentary is all on movies and tv shows (usually bad ones) and is through an animated character, but omg they’re so funny and have made me wanna rewatch some bad movies and shows, so.

casually explained - another cartoon channel and these videos are so short and funny it’s hard not to binge them all in a night.

common nobody - i don’t watch many “tea” channels but this one is probably my favorite, they’re so dry and lowkey funny.

educational/news

philip defranco - my favorite youtube-only news source. fairly unbiased and covers a variety of big stories daily.

ted - classic ted talk channel, can’t really go wrong here, just pick a topic that seems interesting and give it a watch. these are really nice in the background too while you’re doing whatever else. i often play these while i’m giffing or doing homework.

vox - my favorite news org channel probably. fantastic videos and visuals.

crashcourse - i’ve watched these in classrooms and used them to study for tests as well as just learn about a new subject. really nice and really short videos, like 10-20 mins and you learn the basics of a chapter.

scishow - great channel about all things science and tech with some easy to understand explanations and thoughtful scripts.

bbc earth - i love a good nature documentary. especially free ones.

rogue rocket - news from philip defranco’s team. nice deep dives.

the new york times - obvi

buzzfeed unsolved - everyone loves it already but i love a good buzzfeed unsolved episode, especially the true crime ones.

the atlantic - great news/documentary style videos

the following are in the same category, but animation based:

polymatter - fantastic commentary, beautiful graphics and thoughtful scripts. really enjoyed their amazon videos in particular.

ted-ed - animated short videos brought to you by the same people who brought you ted talks...these really make you think and are easy to digest in just 3-10 minute videos about topics from literature to philosophy to tech to science to tv. 

kurzgesagt in a nutshell - great animated videos that are very well-researched and beautifully animated. big fan. (also, the videos are in english despite the channel name)

the infographics show - not as well-researched as the others imo but thoroughly entertaining.

film & tv writing + analysis + essays

just write - great video essays about film and tv that really take a deep look into genre, writing, character, etc.

behind the curtain - great film/tv analysis that is heavy on interviews with directors and screenwriters.

jesse tribble - just discovered this channel and am really enjoying it so far. video essays on all types of media, but mainly film and television. very thoughtful.

screenplayed - watch scenes come to life and compare it with the script

thomas flight - another new one. nice video essays about films mainly.

photography

julia trotti - love her aussie accent and her portrait photography is a really nice style. she posts a TON of how-tos and demonstrations, i’ve learned a lot from her videos.

photoshop tutorials - super, super helpful and easy to follow ps tutorials.

jessica kobeissi - photographer. i love her 4 photographers shoot the same model series and her critiques the best probably!

mango street - mostly follow for the tutorials but they have lots of content and collab quite a bit.

other

jubilee - their middle ground, spectrum and odd man out, among other series, are fantastic. very thoughtful and interesting.

cut - known for truth or drink, fear pong, lineup and other series, i love their videos and style a lot.

soulpancake - lovely, thoughtful videos. their tell my story first date videos are some of my faves.

david dobrik - you’ve heard of him and i honestly haven’t watched in months but i know he’s good for getting your mind of shitty things because of his super chaotic vlogs.

vogue - love the beauty routine videos

glamour - they have a mix of reality tv style stuff like cut, beauty, celeb interviews and more.

vlogbrothers - not sure where to put them but they’re a classic and have been putting out thoughtful videos twice a week for like 12+ years.

[yikesola]

Alayna Joy just posted a video that’s pretty much exactly the same concept as “reacting to my videos: gay commentary edition” and it was very cool seeing another YouTuber openly going through the process that we can only explore phil doing in fic (also highly recommend her recent vids btw- she spent a decade or so thinking she was bi and only recently re-came out to herself and the world as gay and has v nuanced discussion about the whole thing)

oooooh thanks for the tip anon! i’d never heard of her so i’m excited to check out — she sounds neat and also scream at the concept being a reality😭👌

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

hi.. im struggling with my labels currently and could use some advice. i identified as bisexual for a few years but within the past year or so realized that i may not be interested in men at all (i am a woman). and while i know i could still ID as bisexual (since im attracted to women & NB genders), i could also just as easily ID as lesbian (and it would be easier to do so, since then people will automatically know im not into men). but for some reason, im not comfortable with the lesbian (1)

(2) label?? i am totally comfortable calling myself gay/queer/homo/etc, but for some reason lesbian doesn't vibe with me? i worry i might be lesbophobic, though i enjoy using the label for my favorite characters etc i just cant seem to use it for myself. i dealt with a lot of biphobia from bi/pan/queerphobic lesbians and now i think maybe the label is tainted for me. and that seems unfair to all of the really great lesbians out there. i think also there's a part of me that wants to avoid (2)

(3) identifying as a lesbian so that other lesbians don't know whether or not im into men.. that way, if they're a lesbian who is biphobic/queerphobic, they won't bother with me and i don't have to worry about making friends/starting a relationship with them and then finding out too late that their values don't match up with mine. should i just get over it and try to embrace the lesbian label so that i can feel comfortable knowing everyone knows what i am? and just deal with the bad apples (3)

(4) as they come? i don't want to be lesbophobic and i do feel this desire to officially settle on the lesbian label but i am admittedly scared of queerphobic lesbians in particular. i know labels aren't everything and i shouldn't worry so much about them, but i've felt so lost for years now and i could really use the security and certainty of a label. it matters a lot to me. sorry for the long ask (end)

It’s not lesbophobic to just.... not identifying with that label. If you don’t vibe with it you just don’t be vibing with it and that’s okay. If you’re comfortable with gay/queer/homo then use those. Your label is supposed to feel right to you. It should feel comfortable to you. You don’t have to force yourself to use a label you don’t feen connected to out of fear it could be “lesbophobic” not to use that label. You don’t owe it to anyone to be a lesbian.

If you need inspiration: A pretty well-known “bisexual” youtuber (Alayna Joy) very recently came out as gay after years of identifying as bi and doing bi content on her channel and getting engaged to a man. And she also specified that she doesn’t identify as a lesbian.

You obviously made some negative experiences with lesbians and you are right that one mustn’t make the mistake of thinking all lesbians are like that. However, it’s also reasonable to be cautious after negative experiences.

I think if anything, the question should be what you want to convey with your label. You say you don’t want lesbians to think that you are not into men so you can weed out the biphobes/queerphobes. I think that’s totally valid. If whatever label you choose (e.g. “queer” or ”gay”) gives you that chance and you also feel comfy with that label then go for it. Use it like a tool a) to communicate your sexuality as vaguely or precisely as you want and b) to identify those whose values align with yours or not. That’s a perfectly sensible reason to pick a label for yourself.

Maddie

[sweetteaswift]

1, 7, 9, 13, 14, 20, 21

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

look. i just really want to build a blanket fort. and then afterwards crawl into the blanket fort and watch netflix and cuddle and have a grand old time in our fort that we made together

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

generally i’m a nighttime gay i think

9. opinion on brown eyes?

brown eyes are very nice!! if you have brown eyes i say go off

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

i didn’t know women could be gay until i was like 14 or so, i thought it was something only men could do skjdfls

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

you deserve better and someday you’ll find it, you don’t have to let people treat you bad just because you’re scared you won’t have anyone left. you will, and you’ll find other people who will treat you better than you ever could have hoped for

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

gellmore!!!!!!! gellmore. gellmore.

21. favourite gay youtuber

uhh alayna joy probably

gay ask game