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algumaideia · 3 years

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Octavian and Azula

So, recently I had an epiphany and realized the similarities between Octavian and Azula. They are both smart and competent villains who finished their story having a psychotic event. Then I realized that while Azula wasn’t written in an ableist way, Octavian was and I wanna talk about it.

However, I’m neither mentally ill nor disabled, so if you noticed that I said something ableist/inaccurate please tell me. I’m gonna talk about it anyway because just like in the acotar fandom there aren’t that many discussions about the ableism in the books.

Before I start, I recommend you to check out this and this post about Octavian, this one about Azula and the video the Psychology of Azula.

Edit: The posts linked were written by @ocdjason , @holyfunnyhistoryherring and @likeabxrdinflight .

Okay, so in this analysis I’ll talk about what led Octavian and Azula to their mental breakdown, how it was treated and how the narrative linked Octavian’s evil to his mental illness.

Feel free to disagree with me, those are my opinions and my interpretention of the characters.

(more) Spoilers ahead

Azula’s backstory

Azula grew up in an dysfunctional family. Since his father mistreated her brother so much, her mom would spend a lot of time with him to compensate it. That made Azula think her mom didn’t love her as much as she loved Zuko. Not only that but by being a firebender prodigy Ozai had a lot of interest in her, he would try to make her be his perfect weapon. Other point to be made is that his father would encourage a behavior her mother didn’t like, so while she would be complimented by him she would recieve a speech by her mother. This led to her be more attached to her abusive father. One interisting thing is in that moment she didn’t had a bad relationship with Zuko, I’m pretty sure you can see them playing in the background in one of the flashbacks, and yes she stole his knive and did that thing with Mai, but are you really a sibling if you don’t tease your sibling? Their relationship wasn’t awesome, but it was okay. Then Ursa went away, all Zuko and Azula had were Ozai. Except not, because Iroh was there, however since he and Azula didn’t get along at all I think I can safely say he gave more of his attention to Zuko. So again he was the one receiving good advices and support. When Zuko was banished, Iroh went away too. So Ozai was alone with Azula. He didn’t have to split his attention with Zuko anymore, it was only her. She had no one. Only the emotional, psychological and problaby phisical abuse of her father. She took it alone for 2 years. I think it is important to say that just like Katara, Azula didn’t process the death of her mother. She just ignored any feelings she had about it.

Now a little about Azula personality before we continue. She is perfectionist, and gets angry very easily, however her anger is a cold and manipulative one. She is incapable of having meaninful relationships because she cannot really connect to people. She is smart, and most of the time she doesn’t trust in things, she is not paranoic but really suspicious. She is really confident about herself, she thinks she is the best, better than everyone.

All those traits are the reason Mai and Ty Lee’s betrayal led to her mental breakdown, plus years of emotinal and psychological abuse that really damaged her mental health of course. The thing is that Mai and Ty Lee is the closest thing to a support system Azula has, they are also the people she most trust. Their friendship is important to her, it is not a healthy relationsihp, it is based on fear, control and imbalance of power, but it is important to her. So, as I said Azula is really competent and perfectionist, but she needs to be that. She cannot fail, not like Zuko, if she does that her father will turn his back on her. Mai and Ty Lee’s betrayal is a failure. A big failure. If she wasn’t able to properly control them, so imagine the other people. If they were capable of betraying her, everyone is. Before Azula was a very suspicious, now she is paranoic. She cannot fail again.

And then she breaks.

Azula’s mental breakdown and how it was handled

In that last episodes Azula was different. She had black eyes, she wasn’t sleeping well which didn’t help her at all. Her hair that was so organized, now it is all messy and assimetric. She wasn’t cold and controled anymore.

But the show excels itself in the way it framed the last agni kai.

It is the battle between our good guys and one of the main antagonist of the show. But a sad music is played during this fight, because the show recognizes the tragedy of that duel. Two sibling fighting a problaby mortal battle. “Just you and me brother. The showdown that was always meant to be: Agni Kai!” Two siblings that were raised to think they needed to compete with each other to have love and affection. “My father said she was born lucky. He said I was lucky to be born”; “You mean it's not obvious yet? I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child! ” Two siblings, one that had a support system. “- Your Uncle has gotten to you, hasn't he? - Yes, he has “ And one who didn’t. “Put them somewhere I'll never have to see their faces again and let them rot.” Two siblings. One who knew there was people who loved him. “You once said you thought we could be friends.” And one who didn’t. “My own mother thought I was a monster” Two siblings. One that recognized the abuse he suffered. “You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. My father, who challenged me, a 13-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. How can you possibly justify a duel with a child?” And one who didn’t. “ You can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko!” It is a tragedy.

Not only that but the show also puts Azula in a sympathetic light, we shouldn’t be happy because she lost. It is horrible, it is horrible that a child passed through everything she did. It is horrible that a child is having a mental breakdown like this. It is horrible that a child suffered so much.

Octavian’s backstory

We don’t know that much about Octavian’s life, but I think that with what we got from the books we can deduce somethings. So what do we know? Octavian comes from a really rich and powerful family and he can always count with the privilege and money his family has. He is a decedent of Apollo and an augere, he feels very proud about it. No one likes him and this isn’t something new. He is really smart and manipulative. He really wants to be the hero. We also know he’s been at camp jupiter for quite sometime.

And finally he is anemic and mentally ill. Are you saying Octavian is anemic just because that Will comment? No. A lot of times through the series Octavian is described as being pale, really thin, having a not bright hair, looking sick or not healthy. He is described the same way Nico was in House of Hades, and I would like to remember y’all that in that book Nico had barely eaten for days, he had just been rescueded and spent days uncounscious without getting sun, water, or basically everything. About the mentally ill part, he is often described as crazy. I read the books in Portuguese so I don’t know what were the exaactly words used to describe him in English. But he is said to have madness in the eyes, a weird/creepy smile, an insane laugh. He is said to gaze people in an intense and dangerous way. He is described as obsessed by the sybilline books (btw no one gave him credit but he was right in end). The way he is described by other characters remembers me how SJM wrote Jurian.

So, let’s give this guy a backstory.

Octavian isn’t afraid of having consequences for his actions, which is weird because his family lives right there in New Rome, it is almost like his parents don’t really care about what he does, about him. He also talkes his privilege and family’s money as guaranteed. With that I think it is safe to deduce he is a neglected child who recieves money from his parents instead of love, affection and attention. Other point, no one likes him. I don’t know why but Octavian gives me Megamind vibes. And by that I mean that he tried to make friends but realized no one would like him so decided to be a bad guy. Hazel said that half of the camp HATES Octavian, and the other is only his friend because he bought them. And I think Octavian wants to be liked. Yes, he wants power, he wants to be a preator and everything else. But what he desperely wants, desires, wishes it to be Rome’s hero. He did all that things to be Rome’s hero, not to be the most powerful person in Camp Jupiter.

I also think it is important to know that Octavian spent all this tween and teen years in Camp Jupiter, that is not a great place to a child grow. I mean, they value violence, there are fights and deaths all the time. They get severly hurt all time, not only in missions but in camp games. It is wild. And since they value violence and hand to hand combats, they also value physical strentgh. And it seems this is more important than any other thing. And Octavian lacks it, he is anemic as I said. So, no one likes him and he is not valued at all. Octavian is smart, but he needs to be. He isn’t capable of being physically strong so he needs to find something else. And then he needs to make himself important. So he is manipulative, he buys people, he threatens them. He is also very proud to be the augere, it is an important position, a position of power, but he is also needed by the campus. Octavian is a lonely pshycally and mentally ill child, that wants to do not be lonely anymore. Don’t get me wrong, he is a bad person. But he is also not bad just because. He also gives me some Loki vibes. What Loki wants is to be loved and to be seem as important as Thor, he didn’t get this by his family so tried to fill the void with power.

Maybe all of it is headcanons. But none of those things are technically lies. I think it is all very plausible, but you people can disagree with me of course.

Octavian’s mental breakdown and how it was handled

I’ll try to put all the events that happened in Heroes of Olympus throught Octavian’s eye, so then we will see what led to his mental breakdown. Remember that just like Azula his mental health wasn’t the best. But I would like to say that I’m not a very good writer, my posts are always messy and not well written, and this is my first time writing from a already existent character perspective and in the second person. So I apologize for my bad writing.

One of your preator have been missing for quite sometime. The first clue you have about it is a graecus, your long-time enemy, that is welcome by not any godness, but the Queen of the gods. After that one of your most important gods tell that this guy is important. This all seems very suspicious. Then this guy who have no respect to the gods, after just some days in Camp Jupiter, becomes a preator, something that you’ve been working hard to become for some time. And he says that the romans must work with the greeks to deafeat Gaea, why you should trust this guy? He is a greacus, they have been romans’ enemies for so long. This doesn’t seem right. But your preator let the greeks come to your camp, you are very suspicious of course. And they attack New Rome. You see it with your eyes. They betrayed you, you can’t just let things that way. You were right, the greeks are the enemy. Camp Jupiter needs to fight back. But your preator doesn’t want to do that, not only that but your long missing preator that appeared again goes with the greeks. This situation is not right!

At some point Apollo appears to you and says you are gonna be Rome’s hero, your dream will be true!!! However your special talent, your prophetic power is gone. You know you are gonna be a hero but you have no guidance.

Times pass and your mental healty is getting worse, you are also becoming more and more certain that the greeks are working with Gaea and you need to stop them.

Then your preator decides to listen to the greeks and goes to the forbidden lands to help the greeks. With two preators far away someone needs to leads the camp, and this person is you. That must be how you are going to be a hero, by leading your camp to the victory upon the greeks. And that makes sense, both preators disobeyed sacred rules going to the forbidden lands, and you never liked them much actually.

Now you need to make sure Rome will win, you cannot fail, you need to be the hero. So, you start calling some people that were banished by the old preators, maybe they are not the best people but they are useful, besides they were banished by two fools who knew nothing. You also make deals with monsters, no way the greeks will be able to win you in that case.

You discover that the ex-preator is coming with the Athena Partenos in that day, you need to stop her. You cannot let her help the greeks, you cannot let her take away your chance of being a hero. So you assign the person you most trust to do the job, plus some fools that don’t seem that loyal.

After sometime you see that someone is messing up with your camp, you find di Angelo and other greeks. Then you purpose di Angelo to stay with Camp Jupter, he might be a graecus but you know what is like to be put aside, to do not be treated well, so you offer him a place in your camp. He refuses, but who cares? What a fool graecus knows about anything? You are about to end this bullshit when you see Reyna with the Athena Partenos in camp half-blood, Reyna is also there saying no to the war. And you see your plain go to hell.

After some minutes Gaea appears and everything is a mess. Greeks and Romans are fighting side to side, but this isn’t right. Greeks are the enemy, they are with Gaea. You need to end this, you need to be a hero.

You go to an onaguros, you are stumbling a lot and not thinking that well. You are nervous and ansious, you need to be fast before someone shows and interrups you. And then di Angelo and that son of Apollo appear saying you need to stop. How dare them? You are not going to stop, you are going to be Rome’s hero. However you don’t need to worry because Michael is there. You tell him to protect you and to do not let those dumb greeks get in your away. He asks if you are sure, and what does he mean by that? Of course you are sure. You are going to be Rome’s hero. He asks again and you get angry, why is he asking it? He just needs to do what you said. Then he finally obeys you and you can relax. You know that now everything is gonna be alright, you are going to save Rome without interruptions. You know that, you can trust Michael. He is the person you most trust, the only person you told about your problems with seeing the future, the only person that was at your side all the time. He is your friend, your only friend. Everything is gonna be fine. You are ready to lunch the onagro, you are finally going to be Rome’s hero. But then you start screaming because you are also being lunch to the skies. And you die.

Now let’s analyze how it was written in the book.

Octavian was said to laugh in a insane way. He was stumbling and obviously lost his touch with reality. It was written that he didn’t realize his golden things were in fire. I’ve seen some people say Octavian sacrificed himself to save New Rome, but he didn’t. He didn’t know his clothes were attached to the onagro.

Other thing is that his death was put as inevitable. Which is bullshit. Michael was there, as we arealdy know, Octavian trusts him. He could have warned Octavian about his situation, but he didn’t which is horrible. His death wasn’t inevitable, it wasn’t something that would happen doesn’t matter what you did. Michael chose to do nothing. Nico chose to do nothing and stopped Will when he was trying to do something.

And finally his death was seen as a relief. Nico was happy that Octavian died. When it was talked about it later it said he died as a hero. But the feeling is that people were happy with his death, they were happy for not having to deal with an annoying, creepy and crazy guy anymore. And this is horrible. He wasn’t offeared any sympath. Luke is cannonically in the Elysium, but Octavian doesn’t even deserve an understanding from anyone.

And one of worst parts is that Nico is one of the people that are happy with Octavian’s death. The boy who knows what is like to be in a vulnerable state mentally and do bad decisions about it. And he has no empath towards Octavian. He is happy to know he is dead. Everyone is.

Avatar recognized the tragedy of Azula’s story, but Octavian wasn’t treated with the same kindness. Don’t get me wrong, being mentally ill is not the end of the world. But the fact that instead of being in a stable place they both experienced really stressful situations who led them into mental breakdowns without receiving any help is tragic.

Other point is how Octavian is estabilished as an antagonist because he has madness in his eyes, how he is dangerous because of his creepy smile and how his insane laugh makes people know he is gonna do something bad.

Octavian deserved to be treated better by the narrative, by other characters, by the fandom, by the author.

And I hope you can see it.

Best regards,

Me.

Ps. The way May Castellan was written was also ableist

#rick riordan critical #rr crit #ableism #octavian #may castellan #pjo #avatar #atla #azula #heroes of olympus

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rovelae · 4 years

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Why Saiouma isn’t toxic

(CW: in-depth discussion of abuse, discussion of rape/noncon)

Disclaimer(s): This is an intellectual discussion, not a screaming match. If you’re here to argue with facts and evidence, I don’t mind debating with you. If you just want to throw a tantrum because I like something you don’t, I’m going to tell you to take a Xanax and go to bed.

I’m combining the terms “toxic” and “abusive”; though they aren’t technically the exact same, they’re similar enough for the purposes of this essay.

This essay isn’t meant to convince you to ship Saiou. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. But it’s not right to scream ‘abuse’ where none exists; it hurts fans and content creators, and it “diminishes the importance of that word and it reduces [it] to something volatile and stupid.”

To begin with, we have to identify what makes a relationship abusive. The way I define it, an abusive relationship involves manipulation, an inherent power imbalance, and/or physical or sexual abuse. Most of the hate-posts I’ve seen paint Kokichi as the abuser and Shuichi as the hapless victim, so that will be the focus of this essay.

1. Would Kokichi manipulate Shuichi for personal gain?

There’s no denying that Kokichi is a manipulative person. He’s a liar and he did some awful things in the game. No one’s saying he’s a morally white character. But it would be wrong to say he’s entirely evil, either.

I’ve already covered in this post why Kokichi can’t be said to lie for personal gain, but I’ll quote a bit of it here.

“The motivation [behind Kokichi’s lies] isn’t self-serving—he’s motivated by a desire to end a death game and stop anyone from having to go through what he and his friends have ever again. The smaller lies, though, like lying about his favorite foods? It would be annoying to be tricked like that, but it’s way too much of a stretch to label it psychological abuse.”

We know that Kokichi’s DICE organization has a moral taboo against murder. We know he hated the killing game, to the point where he orchestrated his own suicide in order to ruin it. And almost every time Kokichi lies in the class trials, it’s either for comedic relief or to push the cast toward finding the culprit.

“But Chapter 4!” you protest. “Kokichi manipulated Gonta into killing Miu!”

My response is threefold:

- Miu started it. Kokichi wouldn’t have done anything at all if his life wasn’t in danger and he wasn’t desperate.

- It’s wrong to think that Gonta is incapable of making his own decisions. Kokichi may have influenced him in that direction, but Gonta actively made the choice to kill Miu—his own avatar confirms it at the end of the trial. (See also: Impytricky’s “Gonta Gokuhara Character Analysis: When a Genius is Treated like a Child”)

- Kokichi felt terrible about what happened in Trial 4, to the point where he begged Monokuma to execute him along with Gonta. He didn’t need to do that, and it throws off his whole “I’m the mastermind” act just a few lines later, so we must assume he was being honest about that. It’s clear that he doesn’t enjoy hurting others.

If that’s still not enough for you, consider: desperation, and, by extension, the killing game, brings out the worst in people. We can’t accurately judge a person’s character if all we have to go off of is the worst parts of them. Would Leon have killed Sayaka outside of the killing game? Would Hifumi have agreed to help Celestia kill Taka? Would Gundham have killed Nekomaru?

So, would Kokichi manipulate Shuichi for personal gain? No. His whole character is motivated by a desire to help the others, and his lies are either manifestations of that motivation or harmless pranks meant to entertain.

2. Does the Saiouma ship have an inherent power imbalance?

Shuichi is, by his own admission, weak. Kokichi has a strong personality and likes to be in charge. That doesn’t mean that Kokichi doesn’t respect Shuichi and his opinions. In fact, each class trial is packed with evidence of Kokichi listening to Shuichi’s point of view and respecting his intelligence. For instance:

- Kokichi sided with Shuichi during scrum debates 2, 3, and 4

- Kokichi pointed out most of Shuichi’s lies during the trials (and back routes), but in most cases, didn’t fight him on it

- Shuichi is the only character identified as “trustworthy” by the white board in Kokichi’s room—i.e., Kokichi trusted him to at least be on the right track in the trials.

Kokichi is also shown to care about Shuichi’s feelings in the game, like when he told him he’d rather bring Kaede back to life in Chapter 3, because it would make Shuichi happy. To reiterate: he wants Shuichi to be happy even if it means they don’t end up together. That says a lot.

Additionally, I already mentioned that Shuichi is weak, but it’s important to realize that he isn’t so much of a pushover that he’s entirely incapable of standing up for himself. Look at his interactions with Miu, for example: he sharply told her that “I can wear a hat if I want” when she made fun of him for it, and in her FTEs, he refuses to eat the hygienically questionable food she made for him.

Shuichi’s kind of a simp and tends to get roped into things, yes. But he’s able to stand up for himself—especially after Chapter 6—to the point where he wouldn’t enter into a relationship unless he wanted to. If you think Kokichi would somehow be able to force Shuichi to be his boyfriend, you have no faith in Shuichi—and Chapter 6 proves you wrong.

So, is Saiouma inherently imbalanced? No. Kokichi respects Shuichi’s feelngs, intelligence, and opinions, and Shuichi’s a stronger character than he’s given credit for.

3. Would Kokichi physically or sexually abuse Shuichi?

One needs only to look at Kokichi’s Love Hotel event for the answer. While the Love Hotel isn’t canon to the game’s timeline, the characters are still in character— that is, Kokichi and Shuichi are acting as they normally act.

It’s important to note that Kokichi is the only character who backed off of Shuichi after Shuichi either appeared visibly uncomfortable or told them to stop. Kaede asked for Shuichi’s consent and was given it; Angie, Himiko, Kiyo, Miu, and Tsumugi all took advantage of Shuichi in some way or another; and the rest just didn’t have sexual connotations. Kokichi made advances on Shuichi, noticed that Shuichi was uncomfortable, and immediately backed off.

“But wait!” you cry. “Just because one character didn’t rape the other doesn’t mean they have a good relationship!”

Of course, and that’s important to realize, too. But recall that the purpose of this essay isn’t to convince you to ship Saiouma—it’s to prove that it isn’t abusive.

Keep in mind that this was Kokichi’s fantasy— he would have been able to do whatever he wanted to Shuichi with zero repercussions, and Shuichi probably wouldn’t even remember much when he woke up. And still, Kokichi chose to stop the moment he realized Shuichi wasn’t on board with what was happening. That says a lot.

And what about outside the game? We know from the Salmon Mode ending that Kokichi is desperate for someone to “figure him out.” He’d be very careful not to jeopardize his relationship with someone who genuinely wants to understand him.

And Shuichi does genuinely want to understand him:

So, would Kokichi physically or sexually abuse Shuichi? No. It’s just not in his character.

“But what if Kokichi was lying about EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE GAME?” you yell. “There’s no way we can trust anything he’s ever said ever!”

If every Danganronpa character was polite, kind, open, and honest, 100% of the time without fail, the game would be incredibly boring. If that’s the kind of media you’re into, I’d recommend something like Reader Rabbit or Winnie the Pooh. Danganronpa is a murder mystery, where characters hurt and betray and lie and actually kill each other. You can’t trust anyone; that’s the whole point.

So I advise you to go back through the game with an open mind and try, actually try, to use reading comprehension skills to understand the characters. Examine their motives, think about what they might be feeling when they make the decisions they do.

Danganronpa is not the kind of game to spoon-feed you easy-to-swallow characters. You have to pick them apart yourself.

As for everything Kokichi has ever said possibly being a lie? Maybe. Maybe every character is lying to you. But if you hate Kokichi just because he’s dishonest, then it follows that you have to hate Rantaro, Kaede, Shuichi, Kaito, Maki, Himiko, Kiyo, Miu, Tsumugi, Kirumi, and Kiibo—which, at that point, why are you even a fan of the game?

And if you deny everything Kokichi said just because you think it’s a lie…

In conclusion

You can dislike Saiouma because it’s not your thing, but it’s wrong to spread hate over abuse that doesn’t exist. Hating and attacking people for having a different opinion than you won't magically sway them to your side. If you can't articulate your points in a way that doesn't antagonize, you probably shouldn't be talking. People like what they like for a reason, and spitting on what they like won't make you any friends.

And throwing around weighted terms like “toxic” when you just don’t like something? That makes YOU the toxic one.

#Rov talks #a lot #Saiouma #abuse mention #rape mention #character analysis #I doubt that the people who *should* read this *will* read it #so this might be more of a vent I guess #Feel free to reblog/quote/repost with credit #References: users oumakokichi; impytricky; and chibigaia-art #The first two do great meta pieces #and the last spits more fax than an office

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longitudinalwaveme · 3 years

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Arkham Files: Dr. Alchemy/Dr. Albert Desmond/Mr. Element

Hugo Strange: From the patient files of Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. Patient: Dr. Albert Desmond, also known as Dr. Alchemy and Mr. Element. Patient suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder. Session One. So, Dr. Desmond, how are you feeling?

Dr. Alchemy: Go away. I’m reading.

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond, I promise that you will be able to return to your books as soon as this session is over. But for right now, I need you to talk to me.

Dr. Alchemy: I am not interested in conversation. Leave me alone.

Hugo Strange: I’m afraid I cannot do that, Dr. Desmond. As your psychologist, I have a responsibility to maintain your well-being.

Dr. Alchemy: I have read countless books on the subject of psychology, Dr. Strange. There is nothing you can teach me that I do not already know.

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond, this is not about knowledge. It is about helping you to live a more productive life.

Dr. Alchemy: Dr. Desmond would likely appreciate the sentiment, but he isn’t here right now. So please, leave me to my studies. I have important work to do, and no time for idle chatter.

Hugo Strange: I take it I am speaking to one of Dr. Desmond’s alters, then?

Dr. Alchemy: Yes. I am Doctor Alchemy. Now kindly go away and leave me alone.

Hugo Strange: I’m afraid that I cannot do that, Dr. Alchemy. As your psychologist, it would be irresponsible of me not to hold these therapy sessions with you.

Dr. Alchemy: You are not my psychologist; you are Dr. Desmond’s psychologist. Dr. Desmond is not here right now, so you have no responsibilities in this room. Go away.

Hugo Strange: Dr. Alchemy, you and Dr. Desmond share the same body, and are fragmented parts of the same basic personality. Medically and legally, both of you are my patients...as are any other alters that may exist.

Dr. Alchemy: Be that as it may, I have nothing to say to you. Go away.

Hugo Strange: (Sighs) If I arrange to have some more rare books delivered to your room, will you agree to participate in the session, Dr. Alchemy?

Dr. Alchemy: (Pleased) Yes. Thank you, Dr. Strange. (Pause) What do you want to know?

Hugo Strange: According to your files, you are a very educated man. You have PhDs in chemistry, biochemistry, and molecular biology. You could easily earn money legitimately...and, in fact, Dr. Desmond does just that in his career at S.T.A.R. Labs. Why, then, did you choose to become a costumed criminal?

Dr. Alchemy: Research is expensive, Dr. Strange. How else was I to fund my experiments?

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond usually asks for grant money.

Dr. Alchemy: Only because he wastes our talents on safe, predictable work. I, on the other hand, push the boundaries of established science. That frightens the complacent and the simple-minded, and as such, they dismiss my work as lunacy and refuse to help me in my endeavors to expand humanity’s understanding of the cosmos.

Hugo Strange: Even if that is true, Dr. Alchemy, your file indicates that you are a metahuman with the power to transmute the elements at will. Why not use that power to create gold or silver, sell it for a profit, and use that to fund your experiments?

Dr. Alchemy: And debase my powers by using them for something as mundane as earning petty cash from the mindless multitudes? Never.

Hugo Strange: But you’re perfectly willing to use those same powers to steal money from the same mindless multitude?

Dr. Alchemy: Of course. I am the lord of the very elements! It is my right to take whatever I desire.

Hugo Strange: You are stealing! Like a common thief!

Dr. Alchemy: A common thief could not turn your blood into formaldehyde, Dr. Strange.

Hugo Strange: Was that a threat, Dr. Alchemy?

Dr. Alchemy: No, not a threat. Merely a reminder of your position.

Hugo Strange: (Angry) Let me make one thing clear, Dr. Alchemy. When you were sent here, you were, effectively, declared a ward of the state. I am the head of this Asylum. I want to help you, but if you prove to be a threat to me, the other patients, or the staff, I will authorize that you be put on a regime of enough antipsychotic drugs to all but kill your conscious mind.

Dr. Alchemy: (Quiet laugh) And break your Hippocratic Oath by sentencing poor Dr. Desmond to a living death? I don’t believe you have that in you, Dr. Strange.

Hugo Strange: (Icily) To prevent one of the most powerful metahumans in the world from laying waste to this institution? There is very little I would not do, Dr. Alchemy. Metahuman power dampeners have a very limited effect on you, and I am not enough of a fool to rely solely on your goodwill to keep you in check.

Dr. Alchemy: (Quickly) In that case, I rescind my reminder.

Hugo Strange: I’m glad to hear that, Dr. Alchemy. (Pause) So tell me, what is your relationship with your city’s scarlet-clad vigilante?

Dr. Alchemy: The Flash? He’s an impediment to my research, nothing more.

Hugo Strange: And your decision to put on a costume was in no way inspired by him?

Dr. Alchemy: Perhaps on some level. But he means nothing to me. Dr. Desmond is the one who cares about him.

Hugo Strange: In that case, will you permit me to speak with Dr. Desmond?

Dr. Alchemy: Certainly not. That weak-willed fool would only interfere with my studies.

Dr. Hugo Strange: If you cooperate, I’ll see what I can do about getting you a first-edition copy of The Grapes of Wrath.

Dr. Alchemy: Very well. If I can find Dr. Desmond, I’ll let him know that he wishes to speak with you.

(Long pause)

Hugo Strange: Are you all right, Dr. Alchemy?

Albert: (in a voice that is similar to, but distinguishable from, Dr. Alchemy’s) W-where am I? What’s going on?

Hugo Strange: (Realizing) Is this Dr. Albert Desmond?

Albert: Y-yes. (Pause) Who are you? What is this place? What am I doing here?

Hugo Strange: I am Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. What is the last thing you remember, Dr. Desmond?

Albert: I...I was at home with my wife, Rita. She was making dinner, and I felt a headache coming on, so I went outside to get some fresh air and-(Pause) Oh, no. It happened again, didn’t it?

Hugo Strange: I’m afraid so, Dr. Desmond. A week ago, Dr. Alchemy was captured by the Flash whilst attempting to turn an entire stadium’s worth of people into tungsten. Since Iron Heights Penitentiary is currently incapable of holding metahuman criminals, it was decided that he should be transferred to Arkham Asylum, pending his trial.

Albert: Not again...not again! It’s been three years since the last time. I thought that the nightmare was finally over.

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond, the courts are aware of your… highly unusual...form of Dissociative Identity Disorder. You will almost certainly be declared not guilty by reason of insanity.

Albert: And then they’ll lock me away in a hospital instead of a prison. Rita and I...we have a baby son! Is he going to grow up with his father shut away in a mental institution? (Pause) I should have had her divorce me. At least that way she wouldn’t be raising our son all by herself. And she wouldn’t have to worry about both her and the baby being murdered by a costumed maniac!

Hugo Strange: Neither of your alters have ever actually murdered someone, Dr. Desmond.

Albert: No. But from what I’ve been told, it hasn’t been from lack of trying. (Pause) I let her marry me. I knew what I was, and I let her marry a monster.

Hugo Strange: You are not a monster, Dr. Desmond. Your family members, the police and judicial departments of Central City, and even your city’s costumed vigilante all swear as to your good moral character.

Albert: Good moral character? Dr. Strange, both of my alters are criminals; which means that there’s a part of me...there’s a part of me that wants to do the things they do. If there wasn’t, surely I would have been able to get rid of them by now. The fact that I haven’t proves that I don’t have good morals.

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond, do you ever remember the actions of your alters?

Albert: Almost never. (Pause) I usually end up finding out about it after the fact. You have no idea how horrible it is to have someone tell you that your body went on a crime spree that you don’t remember anything about.

Hugo Strange: In other words, you have dissociative amnesia during the periods in which your alters are dominant. (Pause) Do you make an effort to prevent your alters from emerging, Dr. Desmond?

Albert: Of course I do! I take medication, I exercise, I ensure that I always get a full night’s rest, I go to therapy….I don’t want to be a monster.

Hugo Strange: A monster wouldn’t battle his illness in the way that you do, Dr. Desmond. You are not a monster. You are ill, and through no fault of your own.

Albert: I...I wish I could believe that, Dr. Strange. (Pause) But honestly? I’m starting to think that maybe I should just be locked up forever. It would...it would be better for everyone.

(Long pause)

Hugo Strange: Dr. Desmond? Dr. Desmond, are you all right?

Mr. Element: (in a voice that is similar to, but distinguishable from, Dr. Alchemy and Albert’s voices) I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong man, Doc.

Hugo Strange: Who are you? And what happened to Dr. Desmond?

Mr. Element: Nothing. I just decided to take control. It seems that Doc Alchemy’s actions have caused him to almost give up hope completely this time, and that meant he couldn’t put up much of a fight against me. (Pause) Thanks for getting Doc Alchemy to give up control voluntarily, by the way. You have no idea how tough it is to win fights for control with that guy.

Hugo Strange: I take it you’re Mr. Desmond’s other alter?

Mr. Element: That’s right, Doc. You can call me Mr. Element.

Hugo Strange: Not Dr. Element?

Mr. Element: Nah. The other two got most of the brains, I’m afraid. It’s why I’m not as powerful as either one of ‘em. (Pause) Not that you’d know it from looking at Albert, of course. He’s got no idea how powerful he really is. He’s even more powerful than Doc Alchemy!

Hugo Strange: I suppose that that makes a certain amount of sense. Dr. Desmond is, after all, the personality from which the two of you split off. Perhaps that allows him to mainline the power, so to speak. (Pause) So, Mr. Element, why do you commit crimes in a silly costume?

Mr. Element: To get money and attention. Doc Alchemy could care less about that sort of thing, and Albert’s too much of a goody-good to admit that he wants either, so it’s up to me to make sure people remember us.

Hugo Strange: And the costume, was it inspired by the Flash?

Mr. Element: No. It was based on our fascination with elements. The mask was so that I could inhale pure oxygen; I used a carbon atom as my symbol because life has its basis in carbon-you get the idea. Albert’s the one who has an emotional connection to the Speedster.

Hugo Strange: Yes, yes. Dr. Alchemy said the same thing. (Pause) So, are either you or Dr. Alchemy Rogues, Mr. Element?

Mr. Element: No. Doc Alchemy and I both prefer to work solo. Besides, I think the Doc kind of freaks them out.

Hugo Strange: Are there any particular concerns you want to talk to me about, Mr. Element?

Mr. Element: Not really. Albert’s the one with the hang-ups.

Hugo Strange: In that case, I am going to bring this session to a close. I need some time to reflect on your case and how to best treat it. It is noticeably abnormal, and I will need to adjust my strategies accordingly.

#flash rogues #dr. hugo strange #mr. element #dr. alchemy #albert desmond #flash comics #batman comics #fanfic

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tumblingxelian · 3 years

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Thesis statement:

Batman is meant to be the Worlds Greatest Detective and thus is excellent at discovering facts about people; he however is far from the worlds best manipulator, but doesn't realize this, mistaking his knowledge of a person for having the ability to use it effectively. Or in other words, Batman is not actually very good at mind games. Why do I say this? Well, lets look at Bruce's relationships with some of his wards/apprentices or loved one's, people who admire him, love him and whom he raised or taught. Surely of all the people in the world he would be able to get to do what he wants it would be them right? Wrong. Alfred literally quits his job several times and bails when Bruce is being too difficult to put up with for good or ill and Bruce never seems to know how to get him back or even notice a problem is mounting. Bruce raised Dick Grayson and was potentially at his kindest and most stable with him and Jason, yet despite that there was a several year long period where they constantly fought and barely talked and Bruce could not only not get his former ward to do what Bruce thought was best, but to listen to him at all. Similarly, when it came to how Jason's trauma manifested as he grew older, while Bruce sympathized at times, he rarely seemed to actually know what to do and was often left playing catch up to Jason's thoughts and feelings processes and the less said about how poorly they communicate as adults the better. Now for a double header, his relationship with Tim on paper seems OK, but leaning back on that 'mind game' thing I mentioned before. When Bruce decided it was time Stephanie learn at least some identities, he arranged the whole thing in secret, damaging her and Tim's relationship with each other and him. Somehow this result flummoxed Bruce and he seemed apologetic... But also refused to actually do anything about it like change his behaviors. His handling of Stephanie in general is among the other better left unsaid things, because 'wow'. His relationship with Cass in the Batgirl 2000 comics is kind of a mixed bag, but she also thinks the world of him and is the most psychologically similar to him and even then I'd give him fifty fifty at best. Though his whole 'making Cass give up Batgirl' thing was also poorly planned out given it mostly just upset and confused everybody involved and only worked out because it was either adapt or die. Long story short, if Bruce is incapable of using his intimate and generally positive relationships and insights on the people closest to him to get the results he wants.... Why on Earth would I think him capable of manipulating his various enemies?

#DC #DC Comics #Bruce Wayne #Batman #Batfam

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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Okay, just have a few thoughts about chapter 115 of AoT.

It’s really interesting that Zeke ends up having the tables turned on him and being manipulated by Eren, the wool pulled over his eyes, the way Zeke is used to doing to everyone else, and it’s interesting because of the reason why, I think.

Part of Zeke’s problem is that he’s a narcissist. He can only view everyone and everything through the prism of his own life experiences, through the lens of himself, his thoughts, his feelings, his beliefs, and has no capacity to consider things from anyone else’ side. He’s incapable of it, it seems, incapable of separating other people from himself, or rather, separating himself from others. He thinks all the world and everything that happens in it somehow revolves around him. This is probably Zeke’s biggest weakness, and it’s why he falls for Eren’s lie that he agrees with Zeke’s euthanization plan. He just assumes that Eren’s life experiences are his own, that his experiences with their father had to have been the same, that Eren will understand things from his perspective, because Eren must have gone through the same things he did, and thus, he MUST feel the way Zeke does. He doesn’t consider Eren as a separate person from himself, but rather just an extension, a younger manifestation of himself, as someone who must hold the same, special, unique understanding he has of the world and how to “save it”. We see Yelena refer to Zeke as a god again and again, her view of him fanatical and reverent, and the Yaegerists perception of Zeke as some sort of savior figure, emerging from the womb, with shafts of heavenly light casting down upon him. This is all reflective of how Zeke views himself, a godly, messiah like figure who’s come to rescue the world with his benevolence and kindness. He believes himself to be special, and he sees Eren as an extension of that specialness. It’s why Zeke is so certain that when he goes with Eren back through his childhood memories, he’ll encounter the same experiences he had growing up. It’s why he’s so shocked when it turns out Eren’s childhood was nothing like his, and that Grisha didn’t plan initially on even taking the Founding Titan. Zeke can hardly conceive of anyone having a better or happier upbringing than him, of having a better life, and it basically shatters him when he’s forced to face that truth, because it destroys his own uncompromising belief in the notion of life being meaningless and worthless. He’s so caught up in his hero complex, in his desire to see himself as special and a savior, in fact, that he doesn’t even realize or appreciate the connection and warmth he experienced in his own childhood, with Mr. Ksaver or his grandparents. He has to believe in the lie that his entire childhood was nothing but misery to uphold his beliefs about the meaninglessness of life in general.

More examples of Zeke’s narcissism is how Mr. Ksaver points out that, after coming in contact with the founder, Zeke still won’t be able to control it’s power, that only the host can. But Zeke doesn’t really believe that. He sees himself as the chosen one, and is confident that once he makes contact with Eren, Zeke himself will be capable of controlling Ymir and her power. It’s why he starts crying and whining like a bitch when, later, Ymir ignores his ass in favor of Eren. When Zeke screams whatever about being a member of the royal family and Ymir being bound to him, it comes across as a child throwing a hissy fit when they’re forced to face the truth, which is that the world doesn’t revolve around them. He can’t accept it, or wrap his head around it. It doesn’t line up with his perception of himself as a god-like savior of the world.

We also see Eren use that kind of arrogance that Zeke has against him when he tells Zeke that “If the Eldian’s in this camp had never been born, then they wouldn’t have to die in this attack we’re planning.” He knows Zeke sees what he’s doing as mercy, as “saving” people, that he’s deluded himself into seeing his actions as that, rather than what it actually is, which is murder. He’s stroking Zeke’s ego here, by offering him absolution from the horror of his coming actions, shifting the blame for what’s going to happen to all of these people off of Zeke and putting it instead on the random, cruel unfairness of “being born into this world”. Zeke swallows it all up, because it reaffirms for him his beliefs in himself as a hero of destiny, or whatever. It makes him feel good about himself.

Okay, anyway, now I just gotta’ talk a little about when Hange finds Levi, and just... ugh, it kills me, these panels.

I hate seeing Levi like this. It’s heartbreaking, and shocking, because it’s the first time in the entire series in which we see Levi in a truly, physically vulnerable state. The first time we see him physically helpless. It’s genuinely upsetting, especially when you consider everything he’s already been through, the psychological and emotional trauma he’s already experienced leading directly up to this moment. Levi truly doesn’t deserve this kind of thing, to have the one thing left to him, his physical strength, stripped away from him like this. A man who’s lost nearly everything else in his life. It’s tragic, it really is. And I think Isayama did a remarkable job here of really conveying that tragedy in the devastation we see in Levi’s physical state. He looks totally wrecked and utterly helpless, and it’s just almost bizarre, because Levi’s only ever been incredibly powerful and strong and confident in that strength throughout the series. Seeing him like this, then, seeing him so broken, is almost unbelievable. But it also almost seems like a tangible, physical manifestation of the emotional and mental anguish Levi has experienced throughout the story. He would always keep his emotions in check, would keep his expression flat, would hide away whatever pain he was feeling, in order to continue on and keep fighting, in order to be strong for those around him and hold them up with his strength. For the first time, we see him unable to do that. For the first time in the entire series, Levi needs to be rescued. And it’s Hange of course who rescues him. And it’s really here where we see Hange’s willingness to to bend to Floch and his followers, to play along with them and compromise, fall away. Hange’s expression becomes genuinely hard and unyielding, almost vicious, as she realizes Floch’s intention to kill Levi. She fully commits in this moment, I think, to fighting against these people with everything she has, and to no longer waffle or in anyway submit to their demands. And it’s Hange’s friendship with Levi that gives her this resolve. It’s her commitment to a friend, the genuine and deep care she feels for him. She may have been willing to submit to the Yaegerists when it was just her life on the line, but she won’t let them kill Levi. It really speaks to the incredible bond the two of them share, as the last remaining veterans of the Survey Corps. That’s a unique experience shared between them, the two of them there since well before the walls ever fell, and all the losses experienced by both before and since. That it’s specifically Levi’s vulnerability in this moment, and the impending danger he’s placed in, that hardens Hange’s resolve, speaks volumes.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #hange zöe #zeke yaeger #eren yaegar #snk 115 #meta

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mysteriouslytransparentwitch · 3 years

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5 unexpected exercises to regain self-esteem (it's a translation)

Self-esteem ... a bit of a fuzzy psychological concept for most of us. Yet we are all aware that low self-esteem can have devastating consequences in our lives.

Something not to be taken lightly then ...

Especially since it can directly impact your eating habits.

Are there solutions to increase your self-esteem?

Fortunately, the answer is "Yes"!

In this article, discover 5 easy (and rather unexpected) exercises to regain self-esteem.

If you tend to devalue yourself, then trust me, these exercises are a must!

A word of advice ... stick with it until the end because I will offer you a recognized test to assess your level of self-esteem at the end of this article.

This will allow you to know where you are and also to re-evaluate yourself shortly after performing the exercises regularly.

Pin it What is self-esteem? According to Wikipedia, self-esteem is "a term for the judgment or assessment made of an individual in relation to their own worth. ”

In other words, self-esteem refers to "how we see ourselves, how we assess our worth".

When we talk about self-esteem, we are therefore talking about the look and value judgment that we have on ourselves (and which does not necessarily have to do with the skills that we may have. ).

When self-esteem is positive, it allows you to:

➖ Feel good about yourself,

➖ Face the difficulties and trials of life,

➖ Take control over your actions.

You feel capable of accomplishing your goals and getting through to your projects.

You are determined!

A bit like putting on a super heroine costume ...

You are ready to challenge all obstacles!

Whereas negative self-esteem makes it really very difficult to take action and accept your mistakes.

You feel helpless in the face of events in your life. Demotivation sets in ... You feel incapable, weak, basically completely zero ...

As you can see, self-esteem is inextricably linked with the assessment of one's own skills.

If she is weak and fragile, it will be difficult for you to feel competent. Failures in your life will reinforce the lack of self-esteem and increase your feeling of worthlessness ...

And if that weren't enough, if you have low self-esteem, unfortunately you will tend to attract so-called "toxic" people 😬.

You know those “vampires” thirsty for the affection and energy of others?

These people know very well how to spot and take advantage of your weakness, if you are psychologically fragile.

Do you lack self-esteem?

Don't be surprised when you find yourself in toxic and demeaning relationships.

It makes sense when you think about it, since deep down inside you think you don't deserve better ...

So self-esteem is related to others? Indeed, positioning yourself in relation to others is one of the fundamental factors that allows you to adjust your self-esteem.

We all naturally tend to self-assess by comparing ourselves to others.

Whether in the professional or academic field (skills), but also on our physical aspect, in the material field (wealth and social rank), in our emotional and family successes or failures ...

If comparing yourself to others really weighs in with your self-esteem, so does the way others look at you.

Feeling loved and appreciated weighs heavily.

Finally, studies show that skills and performance are not necessarily good indicators of high self-esteem.

For example, students who are popular with their peers often have much higher self-esteem than students who are good in class (even if their academic performance is poor).

Self-esteem is therefore more linked to relationship aspects.

Moreover, parental attitude and style of education play a crucial role in the development of a child's self-esteem.

Supportive and caring parents will help their children to have high self-esteem even compared to overbearing or neglectful parents.

So you know what to do if you want to help your children not suffer from low self-esteem!

Speak encouraging, respectful words, show them affection, care and gratitude when they succeed in certain tasks that they deem important.

The impact of low self-esteem on diet: If you suffer from low self-esteem, you must also be feeling bad about yourself… Logical!

This is unfortunately part of the packaging as we have seen previously.

The risk of falling into depression is also much greater.

If your self-esteem is low, you also risk developing anxiety disorders and addictive behaviors (excessive consumption of sugar, chocolate, screens, etc.)

Feeling bad about yourself, devaluing yourself, thinking that you do not deserve the love and appreciation of others is THE main factor that leads to developing eating disorders such as bulimia, anorexia, or overeating.

The negative impact on all daily life is therefore very significant.

Really, don't take this aspect of your life lightly.

If you think you lack self-esteem, I suggest you perform these 5 very simple little exercises inspired by Positive Psychology, daily.

Do not underestimate them, it could really improve many facets of your life!

How do you improve your self-esteem?

1 / Self-awareness exercise A great sage said:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that's why it's called the present" (the mothers here will probably recognize this very ... literary reference! and no one laughs at my references 😂)

Becoming aware of yourself is the first link that allows you to develop your self-esteem. This is why I suggest you start with this exercise.

➡️ Every morning, take time to relax.

Preferably, before checking your emails, Instagram notifications, Facebook etc ... which only pollute your brain unnecessarily.

➡️ Take a notebook or journal.

Take 3 minutes to close your eyes for a moment and reflect on what you are feeling like emotions, sensations and feelings at that moment.

Do you feel sad, happy, tired, energetic, motivated, anxious…?

➡️ Write this in your journal without going into judgment or analysis.

Just try to write down as much detail as possible about how you are feeling physically and psychologically at this moment.

2 / Exercise on self-acceptance: Another aspect that goes hand in hand with self-esteem: self-acceptance.

It is necessary that you learn to support yourself rather than blame yourself. Encourage yourself, value yourself.

To help you accept yourself, there's nothing like asking your loved ones about your qualities and what they like about you.

➡️ Write all of this in your notebook and reread it whenever you feel you are devaluing yourself.)

Also take the time to remember your successes, the highlights of your life.

What are you particularly proud of? What can you rejoice in?

The exercise that I am offering you here to better accept yourself but also and above all your destiny (the Decree of Allah) is therefore to write down every evening 10 things that have made you happy during the day.

10 things for which you are grateful to Allah عز و جال.

By asking these questions to your consciousness, even if you are in a "bad mood", your brain will be forced to search for the answers.

This will force you to focus on the positive rather than your worries and trials, which can often seem more important to you than they really are, if you have low self-esteem.

Remember, glorifying Allah عز و جال and praising Him in all circumstances are part of the believer's duty, which will bring her the satisfaction of her Lord but also inner peace.

3 / stop comparing yourself to others Do you want to please me?

Focus on your own goals and stop comparing yourself to others!

You did not start at the same time as the others, nor do you have the same background, the same tests, and even less the same qualities and skills ...

So I am going to offer you a rather funny exercise here, you will see ...

This must have already happened ...

You are busy but silent and then you find yourself talking to yourself (internally or out loud, it depends on the seriousness of your case 😂):

"Bint Fulana is more beautiful, more intelligent, and in addition she kept a flat stomach despite her pregnancies ... She raises her children better than me, and then you have to face reality, she is also more pious because she knows the Koran by heart and not I, she often goes to meetings, while I rarely manage to do so with all my obligations at home… " Does that remind you of someone?

This little voice does not wish you any good! Be aware of this.

She just wants to make you feel guilty.

And if you listen to it, you are going to put pressure on yourself.

You'll never feel up to it and it might end badly.

Because what's the point of comparing yourself to people who have paths and personalities totally different from yours? It doesn't make sense, don't you think?

So ... once you realize this, I suggest you name that part of yourself that is trying to make you feel guilty!

As if she was a whole person… and above all, find him a very ridiculous little name.

The next time you find yourself having this kind of "inner talk," don't hesitate to call him out:

“Here is Medusa (or Cruella) coming!” (no you won't have dissociative personality disorder!)

You will see. This exercise will gradually lessen the weight of that bad voice on your self-esteem by ridiculing it and minimizing its impact on you.

You will also be more able to become aware of these internal discourses which have no benefit for your "sanity".

Don't laugh it really works, trust me!

4 / Exercise to increase self-love: By increasing your love for yourself, it will boost your self-esteem. And for that, you really have to learn to take care of yourself.

Think about ... what actions can you take each day to experience happiness, pleasure or take care of yourself?

So take your nice little notebook or journal every morning.

And, after performing the 1st exercise, think about the moments, actions or situations that have given you well-being and satisfaction during the last 7 days?

How did you feel ?

➡️ Write down what these situations or activities are and try to reproduce them as often as possible.

It can be very simple things like having breakfast in peace when everyone is still asleep, relaxing with a good bath, visiting your sister, spending time with your husband, doing a painting activity with your child. .

You should see a marked improvement in your mental state over time.

5 / Exercise to enhance the self-image: "Self-image is an individual's representation of themselves, including the physical aspect as well as the psychological one."

As this aspect is purely cognitive, it is easy to "reprogram" your brain to further enhance your self-esteem.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, we talk about cognitive restructuring.

Your mental images and thoughts depend on the cognitive process of processing information, although you may not always be aware of it.

By focusing on your cognitive patterns and dysfunctional beliefs, you can try to change the processes that cause you to think badly about yourself.

So my exercise is to try to modify these bad automatic thoughts by finding alternative thoughts that will improve your emotions and your self-image.

I'm talking about the famous positive affirmations!

➡️ Every morning, take your little notebook and after doing exercises 1 and 4,

Write down one or two positive affirmations, which you will repeat aloud at least 10 times, then as often as possible throughout the day.

Remember, we are talking about positive statements, so there shouldn't be any negative words in your sentence.

For example, you can start your sentences with:

"I am …"

"I want …"

"I can …"

"I like …"

Here are some ideas:

"I accept myself as I am",

"I love me as Allah created me",

“I am able بإذن الله to carry out my projects”,

“I am different and unique and this difference is my strength”…

And so you don't forget to repeat your positive affirmations, some apps can allow you to schedule notifications of your favorite positive affirmations at different times of the day.

Warning. This exercise will only be effective if it is repeated regularly, until your brain has fully integrated and accepted these statements as “truth”.

Here are the girls, for the 5 exercises that will help you regain your self-esteem.

Do you want to know if these exercises are really effective?

Ok. I suggest you take this little test which will allow you to assess your level of self-esteem.

This is a recognized test. It was developed by Morris Rosenberg, a sociologist. This scale is the most used by psychologists nowadays to assess the level of self-esteem, so it can be considered reliable.

To perform the TEST, click on this link: [FREE ROSENBERG TEST]

#self-esteem #perso

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mkstrigidae · 3 years

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Okay so I'm making my way through your masterlist and I'm in love?? Like let's start off with Winter's Child- a masterpiece. You make Sansa a loving and relatable character and interweave the powers into cannon in a way that actually makes cannon make more sense (preconceived biases and such). Jon and Sansa's relationship is SO SWEET and they way they bonded was absolutely adorable (and the backstory with the houses and the powers they have make so much sense) 1/3

(2/3) Neon Rain literally the best Cyberpunk AU! I've ever read. Like what you did with the world building?? The stark class differences (haha see what I did there?), the choices in SOUND, and I could FEEL myself there! I love the family dynamics between the Starks and I'm loving the little details you're dropping with the Greyjoy's , Jon's parentage, and all of the medical procedures. Jon is dramatic af and I love it and Sansa is a bamf AS SHE SHOULD. Nothing but love for this

(3/3) A Past Worth Having has a special place in my heart. You build up this setting like a tapestry, just seeing more richness and depth the longer you look. I'm proud of Sansa for holding her composure, just FEELING in the angst that the older Starks feel at her return, and loving the relationships with Robin and the rest of the Starks + Jon Arryn. The detail that you're putting into the investigation/Oberyn is awe inspiring and I can't wait to see what you do next with the trial + Jonsa

Haha thank you so much!!! This is such a sweet ask to get! My response is under a cut, because this might get kind of long! (lots of my own meta below, bc i accidentally had a lot to say, haha)

With ‘Winter’s Child’ I’ve really enjoyed weaving in fantasy elements to the world because I like to look at stories and pick at loose threads until they unravel and asking ‘what if?’. I thought it would be a super interesting concept to take a character like Sansa, who in ASOIAF is exactly what she is supposed to be as a noblewoman of her class and conforms very well in that role, and put her in a position where she was essentially a societal outcast in a lot of ways! In WC, Sansa has a lot of similar coping mechanisms to ASOIAF Sansa, in that she sort of romanticizes society to avoid thinking about how absolutely awful it is. In ASOIAF, Sansa holds tight to the notion of knights and chivalry and courtly love to cope with the fact that she essentially has no control over her future and, as a woman, is basically property. In WC, I have her really struggling to make herself into that perfect lady and using that as a sort of shield to the fact that, without a gift, there isn’t anything she can do to improve her lot in life. Sansa has these ideas about becoming a perfect lady and hoping that being perfect in other areas will ‘make up’ for what society perceives as deficient about her, but is more jaded than ASOIAF Sansa due to her age and her earlier exposure to the ills of society. So you get a Sansa who gets along better with Arya and Jon as a result, in part because she’s had that exposure to what it’s like to be an outcast in society. I think that the best fantasy has a really strong emotional backdrop (a really great example is ‘Fruits Basket’ which starts by hooking you with this wacky, fun premise about people in a family turning into animals when hugged by a member of the opposite sex, and slowly builds into a point where you can see that the family ‘curse’ is a representation of generational and familial abuse- of bonds that should be broken, and of bonds that may kill us even as we cling to them- it’s extremely complex and rich and if you haven’t read or watched it, I can’t recommend it highly enough), and so while I really love writing about the fantasy aspects, and writing scenes where Sansa does really cool things with her ice powers, the core of the story is really about Sansa coming into her own, and learning that she was a person who was worth something even without any sort of gift. Sort of overcoming societal stigma and realizing your worth and forcing others to see it. It’s so much fun to write, but i’m stuck at the moment, because i need to reread the books, and my roommate is borrowing them right now haha!

God, APWH is like, indulging my inner world-building suspense-narrative loving writer persona. It’s literally my all time favorite trope- which is of someone growing up to find out that they’re a long-lost somebody or have family they never knew about- combined with a lot of research on trauma (which i’ve been doing for academic and other reasons for a while) and a lot of slowly growing psychological horror courtesy of Petyr Baelish (trust me, it’s going to get WAY more intense). There are so many pieces of media that I love, but I think that GRRM has so many characters and such a well fleshed out world that it’s very fun to dive into his worlds and create something there. Inherently, I love a slowly unraveling mystery and morally gray characters, and this is allowing me to indulge in both!!! World-building is my favorite, because i tend to be fairly detail oriented, and i’ve been laying bread crumbs in so many places throughout the story to hopefully build up to a decent conclusion! I know sort of how it ends, and I think people are going to absolutely lose their minds if I execute it correctly. We have a few chapters to go until we get to anything in the semblance of a trial- there’s some more emotional aspects that I think need to get addressed first, and so I’m so grateful that people are so supportive of being willing to wait for the Jonsa, because they really start spending a lot of time with each other during the trial and prior to the trial (i’m a big believer in bonding via long car rides and so there’s a lot of that!). I’m just so humbled and awed by the response to it- I never dreamed that people would enjoy the story this much- when I started it, I was writing a light-hearted family piece that wouldn’t be too long, and, uh, it kind of evolved from there. Clearly, I am not good at keeping things concise haha.

I left Neon Rain for last, because your comments on this one really made me smile! Of all of my stories, oddly enough, Neon Rain is actually the most deeply personal for me, and I’m just so flattered at your kind words! I spend a lot of my time thinking about the flaws inherent in our society, and without getting too detailed, Sansa’s experience with a family member struggling in the medical system is not unfamiliar to me. There’s a weight that comes with the realization that a system that is supposed to care for people is based on capitalistic ideals of profit maximization, and as someone who has experience working in the healthcare system- no matter how bad you think it is in the US, I can promise you it’s actually worse.

Neon Rain actually just started out as a series of mental images from listening to music that I had to get down on paper, and evolved from there. I actually really love the ‘soulmates’ and ‘class differences’ and ‘mastermind art thief’ tropes, but am incapable of writing fun stories without thinking about the reality of those tropes (see APWH for another extreme example of this haha), and so as I was writing and trying to capture this mental image, the rest of the world began unfolding around me. Jon is different because of a different upbringing here, and so is Sansa, and to see the formerly idealistic Sansa become so jaded by the time she meets her soulmate is just catnip for me. You have this interesting dynamic between them, because Jon wants nothing more than to have Sansa in his life, and give her everything she wants and needs, but where the old Sansa (who was arguably middle-class and somewhat naive, as financially secure teenagers understandably tend to be) would have swooned over that, the Sansa who meets Jon when the story begins is seeing the world and all the unfair and unequal systems in it. She can’t just live happily ever after with him right away- there’s a sense of guilt there, of sansa not feeling like she deserves nice things, and there’s also Sansa’s deep sense of compassion and kindness that won’t allow her to just live life as the well taken-care-of girlfriend of a wealthy man, because she isn’t able to just put on blinders and pretend that all the injustice in the world around her doesn’t exist, simply because it wouldn’t affect her that way anymore.

I think that the core to writing Sansa, for me, in any universe, is that she is a kind and compassionate person who is capable of feeling sympathy towards even the people who have done horrific things to her and her family- that emotional awareness and empathy is a harsh thing to have in a world like Neon Rain, and in our own world, honestly. I’m so glad that you appreciate Sansa’s BAMF-ness in the story- I think that her chapters demonstrate that she is capable of doing extraordinary things when she’s doing them for people she cares for, to be kind (The scene where Alayne helps Robin down from the eyrie is most indicative of this I think), and so in this world, I just love having Sansa be a complete badass out of necessity. Also, it’s fanfiction, and I really wanted to give Sansa a cool motorcyle, because no one else was gonna do it!!!

Also, my characters like to run away with me, and before I knew it, Rodrik Greyjoy had a huge adorable crush on Sansa in the story that I immensely enjoy writing. The Greyjoys are fun because they’re all absolutely insane, and i’m a total sucker for ‘gruff dangerous character is completely a sucker for the kind sunshine-y character’ trope.

God, this accidentally got really long??? I’m sorry- thank you so much for such a kind ask!!! I love hearing what people think of my stories, and this was so sweet :)

#my writing #joanofarkansass #ask answers

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lamortexiii · 4 years

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Cryptic Mystic: Karma, Keepers, or Something Else...

Karma, Keepers, or Something Else…: I am sure that you have heard the phrase “reap what you sow” at some point in your life, otherwise known as karma. Maybe you’ve experienced karma in your life. After all, we receive what we put out into the universe… or do we? Some believe there is a “keeper” or someone watching over us that protects us and provides us good or bad experiences based on how we interact with others (some may say “angels). If this is so, is this individual or universal? Maybe “keepers” are loved ones who have left their physical form, or maybe they are something that our human minds are currently incapable of understanding. For some this may even simply be a grandeur delusion brought on by narcissistic personality traits or possibly a mental disorder. A little unknown mixed in with a little psychology, served on a platter as per usual. Let’s dive right in to 2021 with this debatable topic, shall we?

I’ll start by informing you that karma actually possesses many meanings depending on what culture and country you are in. The most familiar American definition of karma - meaning that bad things happen to those who do bad things and good things happen to those who do good things - is but one definition of many. Now, this definition that we understand here in America is of course defined by what one perceives as good and bad - this can look different for many people. Having said this, there is no “one way” to believe in karma or to define what “good and bad” mean. For our purposes, I am going to define the terms karma, good, and bad in the most generalized sense that a majority of American society would view as the typical definition. Just know, this may or may not apply to your personal beliefs of what defines “good and bad” or your personal beliefs of what the definition of “karma” is. I completely agree that there are many viewpoints and perceptions and do not discount differences in opinions/beliefs by any means.

Karma originated from the Sanskrit term meaning “action, work, or deed.” It was a plain and simple definition, as if I were having a conversation with you and said, “The karma that he is completing on that house looks marvelous!” I realize how utterly ridiculous that sounds in today’s way of speaking - given the word was just used completely out of cultural context, but you get the point. The word “karma” at that time was just another word and carried little significance. That is, until 1000-700BCE when within the Vedic religion the definition of karma actually meant something that you likely would not guess. The definition took an abrupt and dramatic turn and was used to define not only the word “act,” but additionally it was defined as actions that took place regarding ritualistic and sacrificial occurrences.

Karma in itself has ancient roots in religion such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Sikhism to name a few. Karma is seen as a sort of rebirth process in which the way that an individual is in the present day affects their future - all within the same life cycle. Within this realm, karma also affects one’s samsara, or quality of life. In Asia karma is portrayed through symbols such as the endless knot, which symbolizes the never ending process of cause and effect. In knowing this, you can see why karma closely relates to the philosophical theory of causality, defined as when one event contributes to another event where the cause is partly responsible for the effect, and the effect is partly dependent on the cause. The idea of karma in this sense is seen as a never ending cycle - one that highly influences the circle of life. This is what we know and recognize in modern American society, as well as in many other first-world countries/cultures.

In current society we then view karma as defining the relationship of cause and effect. Some view this as a very spiritual term, believing that there is a higher power who controls the occurrences of karma. Others simply use the term with reckless abandon - not actually understanding what it means, as society has culturally appropriated the term to fit the American narrative. Yet others (myself included) question the occurrence of karma and the several possibilities that may be at play here. Whether you believe karma occurs due to a higher power, some other religious aspect, sheer luck, extraterrestrials, a delusional belief, something else, or maybe you don’t believe in it at all - and that’s okay! Regardless of what you believe, we’re going to dive into some of those possibilities today. As I always say, once you have read this blog it is up to you to ultimately decide what you believe.

From a personal standpoint, I have been in many situations where either I don’t know how I survived, or at the bare minimum how I managed to come out of certain situations unscathed. I have been in several car accidents that were so much more than just fender benders - coming out of all of those without a single scratch. I have never caused an accident, however for whatever reason I seem to be a target for idiots who don’t know how to drive. I guess I just have that attraction factor. All jokes aside, I consider myself lucky to have not been injured in any of the accidents that I have been in. I have to wonder how this is possible, but then another person can be in ONE accident and it’s all over.

I will share a more intimate incident with you that is much darker than a happenstance car accident. When I was much younger I tried to take my own life. I didn’t want to be in this body on this planet any longer. I remember thinking to myself - there has to be something better than this. I swallowed a bunch of unknown pills doused with alcohol. I attempted this on two different occasions. Both times made me extremely ill. The first time I vomited and then felt very tired. The second time I fell to the floor and almost became unconscious. I was very dizzy and couldn’t stand/walk. I went to sleep for several hours with a low heart rate and shallow breathing. However, after both of these occurrences many years later, I realize that I was put here for a bigger purpose. I have many reasons I am here - sharing this blog with you being one of them. I wasn’t meant to leave my physical form here on Earth either one of those times. I like to think that something is protecting me, however I cannot say with certainty what that is or why exactly…

My biological mother was in a bad car accident when she fell asleep at the wheel. It threw her from the car and knocked off both of her sneakers. She woke up laying in the grass without shoes. She told me that she doesn’t remember much, but that she saw white hands on her shoulders and felt like whatever that was had pushed her through the accident. She came out without any serious injuries - only suffering minor bruising. It is important to note that she has had similar experiences as I have with feeling things and experiencing premonitions.

To touch on karma a bit from a personal experience, I have a short but interesting story to tell. Growing up I didn’t have many true friends and found myself surrounded by individuals who acted in a manner that I did not understand. There was a lot of negative energy on behalf of those around me; jealousy, lies, deceit, bad intentions, and misery. I wasn’t treated very well by my peers or in relationships. In fact, I was bullied, mentally abused, and physically abused by several people as I grew from a child to an adolescent. Interestingly enough, I found that those who did absolutely wrong to me that had the worst of intentions always had something bad happen to them. One person that comes to mind was blown up in an explosion overseas while serving in the military. Another person was in a bad car accident. From what I know currently, all of these people who were utterly nasty to me continue to lead miserable lives - because they are in fact miserable people. Whether this is just their nature or that they just didn’t have the strength and willpower to seek better things for themselves is debatable. Nonetheless, none of them as far as I know are happy in the present day and have likely never experienced true real happiness. As described before, some of these people have had very bad things happen to them. Is this karma or maybe a keeper’s doing? I have no idea, but it is something I have turned over in my mind for many years, and continue to ponder on from time to time.

One theory some hold is that angels are protecting people. This could turn into a really big conversation, so I will try my best to stay objective here and stick to the main topic of karma and keepers. I challenge the theory of angels for the following reasons: The Bible was written by several people with several different versions available, as have all books that we know today. Christianity in itself, as well as several other religions point to the sky (or heavens) as being the source of an almighty power. What if angels are actually extraterrestrials and those who have experienced said “angels” rationalize their experience by putting a name on the experience, therefore believing it was a religious experience rather than something that they didn’t understand - as a form of coping with the unknown. That is my personal theory in relation to “keepers” and the “karma” experienced therein as being related to any type of angelic form. This also covers how extraterrestrials could very well be the forces pulling the strings. As humans we base our logical thinking on what it is we know to be true - or what we have been taught is the truth, but how do we really know? The short answer is - we don’t. It is much easier to put a label on something to be able to process what that thing is than to be left to wonder and be afraid of what we do not know and understand. It is much easier to read what others have written and blindly accept it as being “the truth” or “the way” without seeking further proof. Just a few things to think about - and this goes for any religion. Group-think is a good descriptive term that comes to mind.

The religious standpoint on karma and “keepers” has everything to do with psychology and the human brain and its functions. Think about it as I said before - the human brain naturally tries to rationalize and process new information in a way that is understandable and logical. This varies depending on who you are talking to of course, but is the ultimate foundation for religion. Beginning in ancient times before electricity, technology, and all of the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things we have now, the less intelligent brains of those before us attempted to rationalize what they were experiencing. Let me give you a universal example that is actually more recent - did you know at one point women were seen as being psychotic and even evil for having hormonal symptoms related to their menstrual cycle and even for having a menstrual cycle period? (no pun intended) Women were put through horrible treatment to try to treat PMS, and it was even seen as being a mental illness/disorder for a very long time! At one point in time menstruating women were seen as being involved in magic and sorcery (whoops, you got me!). To quote some religious scripture, “go apart from women during the monthly course, do not approach them until they are clean” Quran 2:222, “…in her menstrual impurity; she is unclean… whoever touches…shall be unclean and shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening” Leviticus 15, and lastly from the first Latin encyclopedia, “Contact with menstrual blood turns new wine sour, crops touched by it become barren, grafts die, seed in gardens are dried up, the fruit of trees fall off, the edge of steel and the gleam of ivory are dulled, hives of bees die, even bronze and iron are at once seized by rust, and a horrible smell fills the air; to taste it drives dogs mad and infects their bites with an incurable poison.” Okay… so… you realize how ridiculous all of this sounds, right? However, it was not ridiculous at the time - the people who lived in those times found a way to explain, rationalize, and describe what they felt was logical for explaining a woman’s menstrual cycle. Freud attempted to explain why people felt this way about menstrual cycles by stating that humans are naturally scared and uncomfortable around blood - again the human brain giving a logical explanation for why these thoughts and beliefs occurred. We know now through research and scientific data (actual tangible proof) that PMS is related to the shift in hormones women experience during that special time of month, which can cause a plethora of symptoms. This is easily treatable today with modern medicine or more holistic approaches - both of which have also been scientifically proven to work.

I know that last paragraph seems a little off course for this particular blog topic, but it carries a strong point that I feel necessary to make. Point being: religion is just another way the human brain tries to rationalize an event that is happening that is unexplained, new, different, abnormal, or scary; the same way that human brains of ancient times tried to rationalize with women bleeding from their vaginas. Having answers and an explanation gives people peace of mind. Once an idea becomes universal, again, it makes it easy to follow and just shrug the phenomena off as being caused by whatever is said by whoever is explaining it as their belief. The same is said for keepers, karma, and everything in between.

From a disorder perspective, it is very possible that some people believe in having a “keeper” because they are divine or special to a point of being above others. This behavior would likely fall under a more Narcissistic Personality Disorder or potentially some form of psychosis or schizophrenia. Reason being, these disorders involve hallucinations, delusions, and irrational beliefs that are of a bizarre nature. All three have key factors that make them different of course. For example, Narcissistic Personality Disorder revolves more around the person having selfish traits and not possessing the ability to connect with others all while believing they are of a certain prestige pedigree or above others. Psychosis and schizophrenia look similarly to one another in that both include symptomology involving hallucinations, delusions, and breaks from reality, however schizophrenia can actually cause psychosis. Additionally, patients diagnosed with schizophrenia may have symptoms of psychosis but not everyone with psychosis will be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Keeping it short here, but those are the basics of those three conditions. Knowing this, it is easy to see how someone could hold a belief that they have someone watching over them because they are special, or that some force is causing them to receive good karma or inflict bad karma on those who do them wrong.

Regardless of which way you choose to look at keepers and karma, both are definitely interesting phenomena that could use more research and productive discussions. Keeping an open-mind is always the path I personally choose to take because there are so many factors and options to consider before making a solid judgement on what the actual root cause of either one of these is. I wanted to kick 2021 off with an interesting yet somewhat debatable topic to really get you thinking. There are plenty more blogs in store where this one came from. This year will be much better than what we knew as 2020 (good riddance!) Here’s to another year full of education, knowledge, mystery, good conversation, and intriguing topics that really get those gears turning in your brain. Stay safe, be you, and never stop seeking the truth - whatever that truth is for you.

Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch

www.LaMorteXiii.com

#crypticmystic #lhp #occultblog #witchcraft #wicca #pagan #highermagick #blackflame #coven #livedeliciously #thecraftyvvitch #psychvvitch #lamortexiii #luciferian #satanism #asabovesobelow #knowledge #freedom

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blacksurvivalnostalgichanges · 4 years

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My Take On What Kind Of Student Each Character Is

minus the ones that we fully know about and the ones i didn’t wanna write for

Adela: She’d be the student that’s very prodigious on a certain subject, but not be very good at most others. Like, she needs help in english, or P.E., but once science class hits she becomes coveted as a project partner. Of course, the moment that someone pulls out a game board she either gets in and demolished everyone else, or is actively let out to level the playing field.

Adriana: She’d be a big troublemaker, the type you see getting switched from classes or on detention at least once until the first half of the year’s done. Everyone knows her as THAT kid. She’s the student that shoves an eraser in the outlet to make the classroom lights go out. She’s the student that burns something, but no one knows what, just knows there’s a suspicious burning smell, flustering the teachers and supervisors. Those are both real stories I have from highschool, by the way. Neither were caused by me, though.

Alex: He’s the kid everyone forgets exists. Either because they’re never present in class and eventually become that one name everyone laughs at because “oh hah the teacher hasn’t realized courtney’s NEVER showing up”, or because they just don’t talk much and turn away or bore folks trying to socialize with him.

Arda: He’s the kid that’s really smart, but everyone gets kinda creeped out by him. Someone looks for him as a kid, and finds him looking at the ground far too close to an anthill. They ask him what he’s doing, and he gets on this weird rant on how ants live and how life is precious but fleeting. People often want him to be in their group on group assignments since it guarantees an A, but fully expect the assignment to not go pleasantly.

Aya: The narc. The tattletale. That kid that no one tells anything to. Beloved by teachers and supervisors, but others usually aren’t that fond of her. Probably gets bullied over it, and eventually gets a huge complex over how she can’t actually make them stop by talking to authority figures.

Barbara: She’s the kid that knows a lot about how to use the computers when it gets to that. She’d be really good at arts and crafts projects, and get good grades, but be secretly utterly bored by literally everything that doesn’t have that sort of physical building-up and get really excited and happy when tech class starts, or the arts teacher makes an assignment where she can make things beyond drawing or writing about old artists she doesn’t care much for.

Bernice: He’s the really depressed, existencial kid. Bummer to be around. Makes a joke about death that makes everyone fall silent. One of his classmates became a psychologist and sent him their card.

Camilo: The one dude that folks either know as the guy that gets with lots of people, or as really self-absorbed. Passing grades but only that, probably.

Cathy: The kid that wants to be a doctor. Always has bandaids and antiseptics ready, gets called on whenever people get hurt pretty bad (presuming the nurse’s office isn’t available or her school doesn’t have one).

Chiara: The jehovah’s kid that tries to get their friends to go to the church. Type to show up to a friend’s house on a Sunday, and try to get them to go with her to the church. People usually try to just quietly ignore it or try to just be a good influence on her, since they don’t know how they’d decode her from it.

Daniel: Him being the goth kid’s a given, but he’d also be that really artistic kid that folks admire (because dang his art’s so good) but also get kinda weirded out by. Voted Most Likely to Kill Someone.

Echion: He’s that dude that randomly fights people for no reason, actually winds up creating harm, gets suspended, then next day a teacher starts talking about how everyone should’ve been more patient with him despite the fact that he was hurting people. (hoping this isn’t relatable)

Eleven: She’d be that student that’s always letting others borrow their stuff, has a bunch of friends she helps with school stuff when they don’t get it, and is generally too nice for this world. I know her backstory involves her friends all being fake and only there for her dad’s influence but I’m going to willingly ignore that and say folks love her and are her friends without influence from her dad. Shhhhhh.

Eva: The student that makes jokes during classes, either whispering to friends or out loud when the teacher allows it. She probably doesn’t like science.

Emma: You know that kid that would bring a book about magic to school? And do magic tricks for people mid class? That. Except she’d actually commit to it for more than a week. Teachers hate her.

Fiora: Sword lesbian. She’d likely have average grades mostly, but excel in P.E. Probably in the student council, maybe as the president with Jenny being the vice president because Fiora would trust her with that sort of thing.

Hart: She’d be the type to go through school sort of in a “i gotta” type of motivation, then after graduation you find out she made a mixtape.

Hyejin:The kid that would be able to help deprogram Chiara because she’s also religious but knows the line. I feel like she’d be the arts and crafts kid too, maybe have her dream job be psychology.

Isol: The kid that’s causing mischief, but in a sort of quiet sneaky way. The kid that made the school administration make a huge fuss trying to figure out who the fuck made the classroom lights go out, or stole something. A week passes. No one even knows who the fuck did it because he’s that good.

Jackie: Openly wanted to be a doctor. Everyone silently suspects she’s the murder doctor type.

Jan: The kid that’s really nice and chill. Then he does pushups with no effort and everyone realized that he’s actually really strong and could probably break them in half if he wanted to. Someone asked him why he works out so much. He answered “to pick up big dogs easily”. Nadine nodded in understanding.

Jenny: The theater kid. Probably isn’t that interested in most classes until either english or art decides that making a play would be interesting. Fiora would be really supportive of her and show up every rehearsal, and record the plays every time.

JP: Okay, we kinda know how he was in school but i still wanna harp on it? Like, he hacked into the school system to get test answers. He definitely emasculated every other kid that wanted to cause mischief. And whenever someone got angry at him for it he probably just tricked them into a ligma joke. King. Legend. He probably got held back though.

Lenox: She probably wouldn’t kick too much fuss in school, be kind of generically nice and fun, but nothing special. Until they meet her post graduation years later and find out the path she took and they now have a good ice breaker.

Leon: The only kid that got excited for swimming classes. Probably has stories about times he went to the beach. I think he’d also be the kid that feels REALLY pressured to get good grades and doesn’t feel happy enough with anything under a ten.

Li Dailin: Got caught doing drugs in the bathroom. Probably is the one who’s picked to organize events.

Luke: The kid that gets really annoyed when people touch their things because of cleanliness. Everyone asks him when they need hand sanitizer because he always has it. Also probably is the kid that makes jokes over what the teacher said.

Magnus: The guy that’s always smoking right outside school. Got caught doing drugs in the men’s bathroom.

Mai: The kid that’s known to be kind of snobby and annoying, that people kinda stay away from. Probably has plenty of material but never lets anyone borrow it. Not even the people that she knows won’t try to steal it.

Nadine: The cause of the dog that keeps showing up into school. If the school had a mascot she’d likely be the one taking care of it. Also the kid that becomes coveted when teams are being made for sports.

Nathapon: Gets in detention because he won’t fucking put away his phone ever and filmed the classes.

Nicky: She’d probably actively look for fights, but only ones where the other person did something to deserve it. For example, she sees someone bullying the teacher, trying to steal their things, and she’d get into a fight with the person to make them stop. (That story was caused by me. ....oh god is that why i like hyunwoo)

Rosalio: Jock, but a jackass.

Rozzi: Voted Most Likely to Kill Someone. Everyone kinda stays away from her because she looks so threatening, but as the year goes on everyone finds out she’s actually kind of a dork and the facade winds up getting undone. She gave the teachers food as a goodbye gift before graduation.

Shoichi: Very first day, the teachers do the ‘what do you want to do when you grow up’ thing and he says he’ll become a business major. The kid that’s kind of annoying, but since they’re smart the teachers don’t care unless they become fully disruptive.

Silvia: She’d be the kid that gets bullied over not being very smart. She asks obvious questions, tends to not pull her weight on group projects, that sort of stuff. Though, I think she wouldn’t be the type to get low self esteem over it, I think she’d let it slide every time and keep her chin up. She’d likely have a lot of friends because of that carefree disposition.

Sissela: Often misses school, does it online, or leaves early because she’s always sick. May or may not take a depression leave at some point. While her getting bullied over her fragileness might be expected, it never happens because if anyone even tried to bully her, half the class would defend her because DUDE SHE’S JUST A SMALL BUT SWEET KID LEAVE HER ALONE

Sua: The kid that LIVES in the library. The moment a book report is needed she winds up having to help everyone get it. Incapable of being teased because she just takes everything as her sweet gentle self and never actually gets hurt from it.

William: Jock. That’s it.

Xiukai: He’s the kid that sneaks in food during class. The food equivalent of the kid that everyone gets candy from. He once ate soup in class and Nadine yelled “I SMELL MEAT! SOMEONE HAS SOUP!”. No one believed her.

Zahir: Another guy who’s pretty smart, but kind of weird. He never gets any meme reference. He rarely tries to reference any memes he does learn about, but when he does everyone thinks that it might be best that he doesn’t use them often.

#school daze #black survival headcanons #black survival #headcanons #a long time coming huh #sidenote i feel like i should not like caffeine (from rwby) as much as i do #it's pretty generic but CAFFEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIINE

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smoljoelito · 5 years

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Advice on How to Be a Straight A Student

Hey guys! So I got a señor anon question on how to be a straight A student and my response got a bit long, so here it is in a text post.

Before I begin, I’d like to say I’m not an expert on this subject. This is just stuff that works for me.

So a little background information before I give some advice!

I’m a sophomore in University, majoring in nursing, minoring in Spanish. I graduated high school with a 3.73 GPA, and the problem was I figured out how to study best for myself the second semester of my senior year of high school! So, I got to college and was freaking out. At my university, the lowest excepted GPA to get into the Fall 2018 nursing program was a 3.83, which is INCREDIBLY high. Never in my life did I think I’d be able to get that GPA, since high school made me feel dumb. I was encouraged to take AP classes and I took too many, and while other kids succeeded, I fell behind. It made me feel incredibly incapable, yet, for money for my district, I was still encouraged to take more. Come Fall 2018, taking classes for pre-nursing to be able to apply into the program, I was a nervous wreck. I lacked self-confidence and I was praying for a 3.8 GPA, but I decided to make a promise to myself. My confidence wasn’t great enough to promise a 4.0 GPA for all my prereqs, but it was for the first semester just so I didn’t have to worry as much second semester about keeping my GPA high. Yet, against all my beliefs, I 4.0′d all my pre-nursing/pre-reqs classes, got into the Fall 2019 nursing program (I start September 4th), where usually 300 students apply, but only 72 are selected in the fall, 97 in the winter. I also received a 4.0 in a summer microbiology class that was originally 14-16 weeks long during the school year, but it was shortened into 6 weeks into the summer, made it onto the Dean’s List, and so much more. My new goal is to be one of And now, I’m going to tell you how I did it.

Here is what I wish someone would’ve told me when I started high school or college:

First things first, you HAVE to believe in yourself. This is VITAL.

If you walk into a class telling yourself you’re barely going to pass, chances are, you’re barely going to pass. You are your biggest enemy. Chemistry is a subject, it is not a person, it doesn’t decide whether or not you’re going to pass or fail. It’s literally a class, it holds absolutely NO power over you. It literally just exists. The only thing that holds power over you, is you. You decide your future, not Chemistry. When you say, “Oh I’m so bad at Chemistry, I’ll never pass.” Chemistry had absolutely nothing to do with it, it was ALL you. The class you hate and think you’re going to fail should be your favorite and top priority. Why? Because you’re going to have to spend the MOST time on it. If you cut yourself short by saying you’ll never pass right off the bat and ignore the class, the harsh reality is, you allowed yourself to fail. Stop telling yourself that you are unable to do things, then complain when you get bad scores. Chemistry is difficult, but nothing is impossible.

My quote for this section:

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.” Seneca

Find your best way to study, preferably before college rolls around.

For me, this is flashcards, but I don’t just use them for memorizing, I use them for connecting. I make questions that connect things from the chapter I’m in along with prior chapters. Here’s an example:

On a person in anatomical position, which bone in the forearm can be located more medial to the body?

This, is a great question. Not only am I asking location, but I’m referencing prior topics at the same time. Anatomical position is lying flat on your back with palms facing outward. Medial is something that is closer to the midline of the body. Both of which are terms learned in previous chapters. Knowing this, I would be lead to believe the answer is the ulna. Now, I have not only learned, but reviewed.

My quote for this section:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is then, not an act, but a habit.” Will Durant.

ASK QUESTIONS!

Listen guys, I’m blunt and a bit harsh, so here’s a reality check for you: I don’t care whether or not you are shy, extroverted, confident, not confident, whatever, there’s NO excuse to say you don’t understand a topic if you’re not willing to ask questions to gain more knowledge or better understand it. If you receive a bad grade in a class and never ask questions or try to better understand it, shame on you. Don’t blame your professor, don’t blame the class for being “too hard”, I don’t want to hear it. So, in this section, I’m going to tell you how to ask a good question and who to ask.

Who:

First, your professor/teacher obviously. Don’t be afraid, most professors don’t bite. They’re not going to get annoyed with you. Their job is literally to talk about what they love, for hours on end. Everyone’s favorite topic is themselves, their hobbies, anything that correlates around them. If you ask them a question deeper than the material provided, out of confusion, or just for further knowledge, chances are they’d LOVE to answer it for you! Bonus: the more questions you ask, the more they’ll know you, and the more they’ll be willing to help you, especially when you’re in a time of need. You don’t need to always ask questions during lecture/class, though it is preferable. If you’re shy or introverted, write down your questions on a sheet of paper, preferably with the slide you’re referencing, then ask after class.

Next, tutors! Most universities have a tutoring center, or if you’re in college, ask a counselor to find you one. If your professor is a bit intimidating for you, or flat out doesn’t want to answer questions, this is a GREAT idea! It’s much easier to talk to someone in your age range as well, so if you’re a super shy person, this might be a better option for you. Also, the tutors aren’t the experts of the subject, which plays in your favor. They know how to break the subject down into ways you’ll be able to understand, sometimes in better ways than your professor.

Lastly, anyone that has taken the class before you. In nursing school, they recommend we make friends with someone that’s in the year above us and attach ourselves to them, which I plan on doing. They’ve experienced everything before you, so you’ll have the freshest advice. Which prof should I take? Ask them. Do I need to buy the book for this class? Hmm... they’ll know.

Good questions:

Connecting questions. When you link two topics together, preferably from another chapter, you’re learning in the BEST way possible. Ask the question. Your professor will love you, the class will love you, and you will love you, because more than likely, your professor will either: agree with the connection, disagree with the connection and tell you where you went wrong (still learning), and congratulate you on your good question. It’s a win-win situation.

another very important point: even if you are wrong in whatever you are asking, that does NOT make it a bad question. Good questions lead to learning, whether it is agreeing or disagreeing. Humility and humbleness are attractive qualities, and the willingness to do such is probably the best way to be successful. You have to be willing to be wrong to eventually learn and be right.

Any question where you are confused. You paying for a class is paying for your professor to talk. Use your money wisely. Hold up the damn class, get your answer. Learn and grow in your knowledge. Chances are, other people are confused too, and aren’t bold enough to ask.

Why? This might be the best question ever. Actually, I take that back, it is. One word asks fifty other questions and tells 100 more. Here’s what the professor gets out of “why” questions: I might not have explained the topic enough so I’m going to talk about it more, said student wants to know more about the topic, this is a learning opportunity for the class, etc.

My quotes for this section:

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” Les Brown

“The only bad question is one that you can find the answer to on the syllabus.” Smoljoelito

“ Excuses are born out of fear. Eliminate your fear and there will be no excuses.” Unknown

When someone asks you if you can help them with something in a class, always say yes, even if you don’t know the answer.

One of the best ways I’ve found that I learn is by explaining things to other people. My friend Molly used to text me a lot during Biology and ask me if I knew what said thing meant or if I could explain said thing better. I always said yes, even if I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Why? Because obviously, I need to study it too, and what better way than to teach someone else.

The best way to look at information you don’t understand: If someone were to break this down for me, how would I want it to sound to best understand?

So, I’d break it down for her, and we’d both learn something new. Saying “no” would’ve lost me and her a learning opportunity. Also, we were competing for the same spot in the nursing program, but

My quote for this section (doesn’t fit as well):

“By doing what you love you inspire and awaken the hearts of others.” Satsuki Shibuya

Elaborative rehearsal

This is a term from psychology. I took this class after Biology, so I never realized this is what I was doing the whole year. Basically, elaborative rehearsal is memorizing information by connecting new information to old information, and it is the BEST way to memorize as I learned in class. This can come in many forms: making an analogy to learn a subject (to memorize transcription in Biology I made a story connecting transcription to pre-gaming and it worked so well), asking questions to connect new topics to prior topics, etc. Every time I break down a subject to better understand it, I try to connect it with something I know, whether it’s past information, pre-gaming, realizing a reason why something happens, anything, and I never forget it.

This section is short so it doesn’t get a quote

Get ahead of your professor (university students and AP students mostly).

The BEST thing I’ve ever done for myself would have to be being ahead of my professors by two and three chapters at a time! Here’s the tea: the busiest time of your semester in school should be the first month. Of course, your first month is the easiest, so you’re probably wondering, why should it be the busiest? Because come one month later, each class is going to start dropping exams, and you’re going to start falling behind. Get ahead early. I just bought my pathophysiology book (August 19th) and my classes don’t start until September 4th. This class is going to kick my ass, so my plan is to kick its ass by starting classes early. It’ll never see me coming.

It’s not just getting prepared for exams, but by even having the chapters prepared ahead of time for a lecture when your professor is lecturing, it’s no longer learning, but understanding. Instead of trying to pick up on everything the prof is saying, you’re being reminded of things noted in the book, things you remember, and also things you need further clarity on. Instead of reading the chapter after and having an “oh shit what does this mean?” moment, you can figure it out during lecture. Bonus: if your prof doesn’t lecture on it, ask for further clarity on the subject anyway. You might get lucky and be told not to worry about it. It may not be on the exam at all.

Start early, get ahead, thank me later.

My quote for this section:

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” Sean Patrick Flanery

Take notes! (if they help you)

All the studyblrs are gonna hate me for this, but I really don’t take notes. I have a Microsoft Surface Book 2 laptop and the screen detaches from the keyboard so I write right on the PowerPoints my teachers have, then turn them into flashcards. Why? Because it’s like portable notes. For me personally, when I stopped wasting so much time on notes for Biology, I got higher test scores. Instead of writing notes, I spent the time going over my flashcards. And instead of taking notes on the chapters outside of class, I’d read them twice before class, highlight stuff, then make flashcards off the things not gone over in class. It worked better for me. Even in psychology, I’d highlight the things my prof went over on the PowerPoints, then make flashcards after class. For me, I function better by paying attention to what the prof is saying, rather than focusing on writing every word down.

Classes I’ve taken that you are more than welcome to ask me questions about in my ask:

Here are classes I have taken, some from high school, some from college. I will answer to the best of my ability, or find you things that are more equipped to answer them.

Biology 1 (uni)

Intro to Chemistry (uni)

Intro to Logic (uni)

Intro to Organic Chemistry & Biochemistry (uni)

AP Calculus AB (high school)

General Chemistry (high school)

Organic Chemistry (high school)

Anatomy & Physiology (uni & high school)

Algebra, Pre-Calc, math in general (high school)

Physics (high school)

Intro to Psychology (uni)

Spanish 1-4, AP Spanish 4, AP Spanish 6 (high school)

AP Language & Culture and AP Literature & Culture

AP Chemistry (high school)

Any kinda Art

Also, if you have questions about high school or college, anything at all, feel free to ask me!

Other things to help you!

studyblrs! They have masterlists of how to take notes, stationery to buy that's cheap, what to write down in lecture, etc. If you want me to link some, send me an ask.

I’m a stationery fanatic as well, so if you guys want cheap pens that are high quality, good highlighters, paper, useful things, etc, hmu. I can make a whole amazon wishlist.

Tutoring centers.

Libraries. My uni has a part of the library called The Writing Center where profs will go to help you write essays and such.

Websites & YouTube. Khan Academy is an amazing resource along with Crash Course, one of my personal faves. For Biology, I used Crash Course a lot and one of my friends used this channel I believe is called the Amoeba Sisters? I can’t remember. If you want the link I’ll find it for you.

Quotes I live by

Whatever your situation, getting the career you’d like, passing a class, graduating valedictorian, here are some quotes to encourage you to keep on going.

“Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” Steve Jobs

“If I quit now, I will soon be back to where I started. And when I started, I was desperately wishing to be where I am now.” Unknown

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. When you have fun, you can do amazing things.” Joe Namath

“One of the greatest discoveries a person makes is to find out they can do what they were afraid they couldn’t do.” Henry Ford. This quote makes me emotional.

“Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as a flawed individual and still hold yourself in regard.” Ester Perel

“Do what you dream of doing even while you’re afraid.” Arianna Huffingtin.

“Be the one who decided to go for it.”

“Everything you want to be, you already are. You’re simply on the path to discovering it.” Alicia Keys

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice. Have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition.” Steve Jobs.

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.” John Quincy Adams

“If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done.” Unknown

“There is no person living who isn't capable of doing more than they think they can do.” Henry Ford

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” Unknown

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill

“Success isn't about how your life looks to others. It's about how it feels to you.” Michelle Obama

In conclusion

I know what it feels like to feel like an idiot, to wish I was as good at something as someone else is. Comparison is the silent killer. The moment you start to think you are less than someone else, you start to believe it. Drop the comparison, let everything go, be humble, and focus on your purpose. There is not a thing you can’t do or be good at. There is not a person in the world that isn’t born with some kind of talent, something they are one of the best at. I have found by “best” and I have grown and learned from it. For a while, I thought I’d fail, that I’d be laughed at and humiliated, but when I let all that go, all the pain, the lies, and focused on my purpose, my goal came as easy as taking a breath of fresh air. So, I leave you with this:

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” Robert H. Schuller

#em's tips #study #studying #cnco #school #school help #writing help #success #inspiration #quotes #em's school tips

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nocturne-inuyasha-ff · 5 years

Text

Chapter Sixteen: On the Edge of Forever

Author's Notes: Thanks for hanging in there. Keep in mind while reading that most of the scene changes are different narrators and the narrators are not always what you would call "reliable." Meaning, that we only see what they see or hear or think, so the reader may not ever see what's really going on.

Happy reading!

Nocturne - Chapter Sixteen: On the Edge of Forever

Rated - M (for suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, and coarse language)

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru had the audacity to look confused - his one brow risen higher than the other. "This one assumed you might desire a moment to collect yourself after an arduous journey."

Kagome set her jaw, and she almost began tapping her foot in annoyance. "No, I want to see Setsuna and make certain she is well."

"The child was well when I last saw her."

"You saw her? When?" He'd made no mention of it on the trip over, which was flabbergasting to her. "Why wouldn't you tell me that?!" she demanded.

"It was unnecessary," he began before Kagome cut him off.

"Unnecessary?! You fool, it is never unnecessary to tell a mother the wellbeing of her child!" her anger seemed to be falling on deaf ears. "What if our positions had been reversed?"

"That is preposterous. I would have never allowed myself to be taken."

Kagome groaned. "No! That's not what I meant. What if something had happened to Setsuna? Would you have wanted to know?"

"It would have made no difference."

So, he didn't care. A part of Kagome was furious while the other felt numb from his admission. "I see," she responded. "Thank you for returning me home."

Kagome strode past him and out the door to begin the walk towards the village. She could only assume that Setsuna had been left in the care of her friends. So, that was now her destination.

Sesshomaru had not bothered to stop her. Whatever his intentions were with bringing her here, where everyone was not, were as mysterious as ever.

Kagome felt overcome with emotion and unsure of which one she wanted to address first, her anger, or her misery. Anger would likely fuel her longer, so she picked up that mantle until she could decompress later. She felt foolish to think that anything occurred from the point of their first joining until now would change the way the demon lord perceived her.

Sesshomaru stepped in front of her, breaking her out of her reverie. Kagome had honestly expected him to leave after dropping her off.

"Where are you going," he asked.

"What do you want from me?" she demanded.

"It would be astute for you to collect any possession you deem worthwhile," he explained.

Kagome crossed her arms. "Why would I do that?"

"It is not safe," he answered.

"Not safe?" she repeated incredulously. "And why may that be? Because I am human and incapable of protecting myself?"

His golden eyes narrowed at her, but he remained silent for the moment, knowing she likely had more to say.

"You've already killed Fan, from what else do you need to keep me safe? I haven't needed your protection before all this, and I don't need it now," she admonished.

Sesshomaru's brow piqued, "What leads you to believe that Fan Tsenpo is dead?"

"I saw you kill him," she said almost hesitantly, now beginning to doubt herself. Why was Sesshmaru stating otherwise? Her eyes had not deceived her.

"One would be a fool to kill Fan outright. His clan must be dealt with delicately. To murder one of their own in such a fashion would be considered dishonorable; and an action of the greatest offense. They would then hunt this one down without hesitation." He stated this matter-of-factly as if it were insane to suggest otherwise.

"I merely immobilized him for the time being to afford us the ability to escape."

"So...he's still…" she trailed off.

"Correct, wounded, but alive. It will likely take Fan some time to recuperate, but when he has recovered, it would be prudent to expect retaliation of some form."

"Oh, Kami." Fear enveloped her. If Fan were alive, that would mean he could come after her again, or more likely, Setsuna. Kagome shook her head, trying to shake evil images from her mind. "It was all too easy," she lamented.

"Indeed. Fan miscalculated your abilities, and I took advantage of his misconception to escape."

"So, you knew he would tell me to kill you?" she asked dubiously.

He gave her a stern look until his right lip pulled into a small smirk. "Fan did not get the idea on his own. His penchant for collecting oddities turned out to be his folly."

Kagome balled her fists in mock anger, "Don't get cocky! He could have killed me!"

"No harm would have befallen you."

The arrogant ass! "How presumptive of you, risking our lives based on what I can only assume to be a wild hunch!"

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle," Sesshomaru quoted.

"Wait, are you quoting a...a book? You realize that particular tome was written by a human, right?"

Sesshomaru made a 'hnn' sound. "I may have held disdain for mortals, but I am not so naive as to overlook the wisdom of those I may presume as weaker. Humans have not progressed this far by chance. They lack power, agility, and longevity, but some makeup for that in cunning. "

"Wow, Lord Sesshomaru, I am...speechless," Kagome said. She cocked her head to the side, studying him in a different light.

A small smile formed on his lips, "I find that to be unbelievable." His smile quickly dropped, and he looked past her and towards her little house. "Now, back to the matter at hand. It is recommended you find what you need presently or leave it."

Kagome reflexively turned her head to the house and back, "What? I'm not leaving. I am not going to run and hide. My friends are here, and they may be in harm's way because of me. No. I am staying."

Sesshomaru shook his head. "Miko, there are many preparations to be done and an unknown time to complete them. If you plan to risk your own life, I will not compel you to accompany me, but the same cannot be said for all those involved."

Why was he so wishy-washy, instructing her to come and then backing off. "Of course, you wouldn't. Just go then!" she demanded.

He did not move. Perhaps his words were empty, and he was trying to use reverse psychology to get Kagome to leave with him.

Kagome broke, her words quiet and venerable. "Please just go. This is already hard as it is. I can't keep playing this game anyway. Don't worry about us. We will be fine. I've been through worse."

"I cannot help but worry," he admitted.

"Why?" If he would even admit that much.

He reached out and ran his hands through the strands of her hair in a thoughtful gesture. "This one knows the miko can care for herself. That I do not question."

She grabbed his hand to stop the simple caress but did not let go. "Then why is it important that I come with you?"

"To leave you and the child would be dishonorable."

She closed her eyes and held her breath. "I release you from your burden. Go forth and be free from us."

He still did not move, "You are making this difficult."

"Good, because you have made my life difficult!" she bit out. "As if things weren't already hard enough for me. Now I have to deal with my feelings for you," she blurted before stopping herself. Damn.

"What feelings?" he demanded.

She spun away, having said too much. Looking at him was enough to push her over the edge, and she had to be strong.

Sesshomaru would not allow her to leave with his question unanswered and grabbed her, pulling her into his chest. His arm wrapped around her so that she could not pull free. His head leaned down to her ear, allowing some of his silver locks to cover her shoulder. His lips were close enough to graze her ear, but his words were soft. "Speak, woman. You hold your tongue no other time."

Resisting was futile, and she could feel herself melting into his chest. "I...think...I…" her words trembled upon her lips, "may love you..." The last three words came out as a whisper, but Kagome knew he heard them.

"What a fool I am. Now, please go." She turned her head away from him as much as she could. Anything to break the spell under which she was falling.

Sesshomaru would not let her go, and his voice was hard with his monosyllabic reply. "Why?"

"Why what?" she repeated with fear.

He turned his head closer to hers, "Would you think those feelings would make you a fool?" His words seemed to hold anger in them.

Kagome sighed, "Because I am human, and even if you were to return my feelings or pretend to care, I am just a blink in your life. I cannot give you what you need or deserve, and it would be selfish of me to ask."

He released her, his arm falling away, and Kagome was able to step back and turn to see him. His eyes were soft, but his lips set into a hard line. "I liken you to many things, but never a fool."

"Then, perhaps, I am overzealous."

"You have never aspired to be more than you are, and I would never ask that of you."

Kagome closed her eyes, set upon her chosen path, "Then it's agreed."

His words cut through her. "You are trying to corner me into your narrow outlook."

Her eyes snapped open, and she asked almost hopelessly, afraid to hear his words. "Then what do you want?"

"You."

"Why?" she lamented.

"You anger me."

Kagome nearly laughed in derision. "I anger a lot of people."

Sesshomaru raised his voice over her own. "You also give me pause. I've never understood my father's inclinations until now."

He stepped close to her again, trying to use his vicinity to express his words. "How a human could intrigue me, push me, plague me."

He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, and she did not stop him. "You infiltrate my every thought, and it drives me mad. The idea of losing you is a pain insurmountable."

Tears spilled down her cheeks. "I can't love you. It's...it is not fair to you. Please... don't say these things to me."

He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears, his other hand gently grasping her face. "Kagome, do not deny yourself. Least of all to me."

The weight of his words was not lost on her. In memory, she'd not once recalled him using her name. She had to harden her heart.

He tenderly tilted her chin and possessed her lips with his own. Warmth spread through her like wildfire, and she fought an urge to pull him closer so as to melt into his body. His hands never left her face as he waited for her to signal to him that there was more to be had. She longed for it to deepen, but pulled away before she allowed it to go too far.

"No," she pleaded, turning away from him. "I must-must... Please go."

He left quietly and swiftly, to where she did not know. It was for the best, she assured herself.

o - o - o - o - o

He departed expediently. Any more time spent in her presence would have had a different outcome, one that she may not likely desire, but he did.

Sesshomaru had never met such an intoxicating and infuriating person. In a different time, he would have reacted differently, or not at all.

Like his brow, he set his course and made haste. It was only a moment before he alighted outside the Houshi's home. He could sense that the taijiya was inside, alone, aside from the presence of his young child.

Without waiting for an invitation, he walked in. Sitting next to a hearth, the woman stirred a pot with her free hand. The infant was slumbering next to her.

The woman looked startled at his abrupt appearance, abandoning her meal preparations, "Lord Sesshomaru!"

He stepped before her, "I've come to retrieve the child."

She seemed confused, looking down at the baby. "What about Kagome?!" His arrival without the child's mother seemed to unbalance her.

Sesshomaru had no time for this, "She is safe."

The taijiya grabbed the infant up and stood up. She was right to feel uneasy but also had no reason not to relinquish the baby to its father. The woman carefully placed the sleeping child into her father's waiting arms.

He stared down at the child, who was gaining size with speed. Her hair had grown even longer, curling in fine strands around her head.

"Fetch Rin," he commanded, looking back up to the taijiya.

"Is something wrong, Lord Sesshomaru?" the woman asked with concern. She looked over to a corner of the room where her gear and weaponry leaned against a wall, ready for use.

Not answering her question, Sesshomaru changed the subject. "You have called for your brother, as I suggested?"

"Uh, yes. He has arrived. I think Rin is with him."

He felt a twinge of anger at the suggestion. Rin was of marriageable age, and it was preposterous for her to be alone with a male, even one he was acquainted with and had been a traveling companion. "Accompanied by who?"

"Miroku and the children," she responded hesitantly.

That, alone, did not mollify him, but he would deal with it soon enough. "My gratitude for keeping Setsuna safe. I will send word to you with instructions."

"Instructions for what?" she called after him.

He left without another word, leaving her question heavy in the air. The miko's human companions were much too wordy than was prudent. There was no time to answer constant questions.

o - o - o - o - o

Sesshomaru followed his nose the rest of the way through the village to find Rin. He located her in a clearing at the edge of the village. She appeared to be conversing with a young woman. Upon further inspection, Sesshomaru was unable to locate the houshi, nor his brood and his irk rose towards the taijiya for her false words.

There were many people in the clearing, most carrying belongings and supplies, looking as though they had just arrived from a long journey or were displaced settlers bearing all they owned. He noticed the now grown Kohaku among them calling out instructions.

Sesshomaru's arrival caused a hush among the group who all immediately began to arm themselves with varying weaponry. He glared at them all, daring anyone to attack.

Kohaku noticed the disturbance and lifted a hand, instructing the people to lower their weaponry, but many continued to give Sesshomaru defiant looks. The young man ran over towards Sesshomaru with a wary smile.

"Lord Sesshomaru, it is good to see you well. My sister sent word to me, expressing distress, and asked that I come quickly. When I learned that the suggestion came from you, I thought it provident to bring a team." Kohaku gestured to his people, still giving Sesshomaru wary, sidelong glances.

Rin had taken the opportunity to approach and smiled broadly. "Lord Sesshomaru! You have returned, which must mean that you bring Lady Kagome as well." She saw the child, now awake and alert, in his arm. Rin looked around, trying to find Kagome, and then back to Sesshomaru. "She is not here?"

Sesshomaru ignored her question. "With your mortal caretaker dead, I wanted to ensure that you are provided for." He looked around again and back at Rin. "I will soon be away from here."

Still smiling, Rin cooed at the baby and placed a finger inside the child's grasping hand. "I am happy here, my lord," she said cautiously. Glancing up, she said slowly, "I only worry about you."

Sesshomaru noticed from the corner of his eye Kohaku staring at the girl with a particular fondness in his gaze. He figured that young Rin could do worse than the thoughtful taijiya. She may undoubtedly need his care in the time to come.

Satisfied that Rin would not be left wanting, he issued a brief goodbye. "Be well, Rin."

Rin grabbed his arm, a look of concern drawing down her features. "Where is Kagome?" she asked again.

"You may tell her I will be waiting."

"Of course," Rin replied obediently. She still seemed perturbed over the turn of events, but would not question Sesshomaru.

He bid a final farewell to the pair and departed on a swift wind.

In-flight, he looked down at the child in his arms. She sat up and looked around in marvel, never having seen the world from this vantage. Her dark eyes alight with a quiet wonder. Those were the eyes of her mother, he knew. This was the only way to get her to see.

o - o - o - o - o

Kagome stepped inside her house again, for what she was unsure. Everything was exactly as she had left it, except for a layer of dust beginning to form. Funny how dust began to move in the moment that you stopped paying attention.

She sighed at all of the work she would have to do and nearly debated on taking care of things now rather than doing them later with a child to care for.

Her desire to be reunited with Setsuna was too great. Kagome exited the house and looked around. A shaky breath escaped her, and she chided herself for thinking that he would be here. Not after she ran him off. She left the house and set down the path towards the village.

She had gotten a mile barely before she was pulled from her thoughts.

"Oi! Kagome!" A familiar voice called out.

Kagome turned on her heel. Only one person she knew would address her like that.

Inuyasha ran up to her, pulling her into a friendly embrace. "You're okay!"

"Ungh, not if you don't crush me first," she joked.

"Eh? Sorry." He released her quickly and took an awkward step back. "I, uh, I'm sorry you were kidnapped...again."

Kagome bit her lip and smirked. "There's nothing to apologize for. You saved Setsuna, and that's all I could have ever asked."

"I was gonna come and save you, too, but it seems Sesshomaru beat me to it. Where is he anyway? Surprisingly he isn't here threatening to kick my ass again."

"He's gone. I don't know where to."

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence. "So, you were going to come to save me, huh? Like old times? How did that pan out?"

Inuyasha scratched at his head, seemingly embarrassed, "Yeah, well, once Sesshomaru came and threatened everyone, we decided to come up with an alternate plan."

"Threatened you?" She asked.

"Well, yeah, he came here hours after you were taken and apparently told Sango to get her brother here. He basically implied shit was gonna go down."

"I see," she responded, thinking to herself.

"I guess that means he didn't kill that bitch or her badass brother, huh?"

Kagome's head snapped up, and her heart dropped. The danger was only gone for the moment with no indication of when it was to return. "No, unfortunately not."

"Keh, fucking figures. He drags you and the kid into this, and now he's bringing everyone else into his fucking mess, too. Then he takes off?"

"Likely to prepare," Kagome defended. "He was able to seriously wound Fan, and any counter-attack will not be immediate."

"Nah. Probably when we least expect it. He's a sick fuck that one."

"What do you know of him?" She asked suspiciously.

"A little."

"You've never even met him. How can you possibly know anything at all?"

"I uh…" he trailed off, and he looked behind her.

Kagome caught his glance and spun around to see a woman peeking out at her from behind a tree. "Who is that, Inuyasha?"

"That's um…" he stammered, "It's Shizuka."

"Shizuka?" Kagome asked, looking at the tree the woman seemed to be hiding behind. "Why is she hiding? Who is she?"

"Don't get mad."

"Why would I get mad, Inuyasha?" she inquired the guilty-looking hanyo.

He scratched at his head and looked up as he spoke, avoiding her stare, "Because she...she may or may not have been the one who snatched the kid."

"What," she responded in monotone.

When it seemed Kagome wouldn't blow up, Inuyasha called out, "Come on over."

Kagome seethed with anger at the fool before her. She stood silent while Inuyasha led a hesitant hanyo woman out towards her.

Her first inclination had been to lash out, but upon further inspection, Kagome instantly felt a surge of pity.

The woman was an inuyokai, just like Inuyasha. Her ears were turned down like she was a beaten dog, and she trembled so like a frightened animal. Inuyasha took hold of her hand and patted it reassuringly. "This is Kagome. She won't hurt you."

Kagome glared at him, but he was oblivious to her poignant stare. He only had eyes for this timid woman. The idiot would dare attempt to pass off this woman as some kind of ally? Yet, Kagome could feel that there was nothing nefarious about her. Strange that she couldn't pick up anything at all, no sense of her yoki, nothing.

The woman glanced up, hesitantly, and back down. She began to tug on Inuyasha's arm, trying to pull away. Something about the way Kagome stared at her, causing her to feel discomfort.

"You're frightening her," Inuyasha pointed out. "Don't be such a bitch. It ain't Shizuka s fault."

"Are you serious right now! I haven't said one cross word as of yet! Maybe you are scaring her by pushing her into situations she's uncomfortable with."

Inuyasha snapped back, "Maybe she can see your dagger eyes!"

"So immature," Kagome groaned.

"Such a stuck up whiny bitch," he snapped.

Kagome frowned. "I am not whiny. I know what I want. It's different."

Inuyasha scoffed, "Keh. Oh yeah? Then why are you alone again?"

Kagome gasped. "How dare you! I am alone because I have chosen to be alone."

"Lie to yourself, wench, but you can't lie to me. I know you too well."

Kagome thought that may be true to a point, but he was wrong about his opinion of her.

Shizuka looked supremely uncomfortable but said nothing. Kagome sniffed in derision, turning her attention to the newcomer.

"So, explain to me why she is sharing your company, and I shouldn't want to hurt her if she tried to steal my baby," she demanded.

o - o - o - o - o

Inuyasha explained on the way towards the village. He told Kagome how Shizuka had been a slave to Tsering and used for everything from a handmaiden to a spy. They did not even know her real name, instead, giving her a new one.

How he had extracted all this information from a girl who was clearly mute was beyond her. Still, she gave this stranger the benefit of the doubt because Inuyasha assured her that Sango and Miroku would collaborate the story.

Kagome was skeptical but also hesitant to doubt her friend's astute judgment. It would be best to keep this woman as far away from her babe as possible, just to be safe, she thought.

Inuyasha explained that a lot had happened in the weeks she was gone. Kohaku had arrived, bringing with him his entire clan of taijiya. The lad was doing his best to rebuild that which he had taken away. His guilt was something he would battle for years, if not the rest of his life. Survivors guilt at its worst, Kagome knew.

Apparently, Sango's summons prompted Kohaku to bring his foundling people to the village to settle. The old taijiya village was gone, decimated by an old enemy, its inhabitants eradicated except for two. Kohaku dreamed of making amends due to his guilt and began by recruiting worthy apprentices and others experienced in exterminating demons.

With the village seeming to attract yokai of all kinds, it seemed an appropriate place to settle and begin anew. Of course, many of the people Kohaku had recruited held a deep-seated hatred for yokai, no matter their affiliations, and found themselves unsettled by some of the village's inhabitants.

None of that seemed to bother Inuyasha. He held the woman's hand as they walked, occasionally running a thumb over her hand for reassurance purposes. Kagome felt an odd sense of jealousy wash over her when she noticed. She narrowed her eyes at the display and quickly turned her head before the lout could pick up on her mood. Kagome cursed herself for those twinges of envy. It's not as if she even wanted Inuyasha like that. Not anymore.

He had seldom been so tender and patient with her during their time together. Both of their stubborn tendencies clashed and caused many fights. Now, Kagome could see that what he truly needed to thrive would be someone demure. Someone who needed the protection he could provide. Someone to validate him after years of being nothing.

Kagome now knew that she was never the one for him, and it stung to see him look happy over someone that was a virtual stranger in comparison to their years-old relationship. She felt her throat catch thinking about her own happiness or rather lack thereof.

It just didn't seem fair that Kagome had left her family and her entire life to come to the past for a boy that now seemed enthralled with someone else. She tried to discreetly clear her throat without drawing too much attention to herself.

"What's your deal?" Inuyasha asked skeptically.

Kagome noticed that he had an eyebrow raised and likely wouldn't be convinced by whatever she said. "I just miss her," she said quietly. That was true, and he wouldn't question her. She hoped.

His eyes suggested he had his doubts, but he didn't push the subject, instead, going along with her. "Yeah, well, she's a brat. Just like her mom." His friendly smile trying to console her.

Kagome nodded and glanced over at the new woman being led along quietly by Inuyasha's side. She had not gotten a very good look at the woman and thought she saw some similarities to another. Odd similarities. The tilt of her eyes, even downcast as they were, held some disturbing familiarity. Kagome shook her head of the thoughts, clearing her mind of such notions.

Inuyasha stopped, and Shizuka tensed, hiding behind him. Kagome was puzzled at their hesitation but felt it herself and followed their eyes up. Up in the sky, there was a figure being swallowed in the clouds settling over the land. It was a queer sensation to have her heart drop lower into her chest than it had already done not long ago.

Did I make the right decision, she pondered, looking back at the pair whose eyes were still glued to the sky.

"Bastard is leaving again. Good fucking riddance," Inuyasha cursed. "He always rattles on about pride and honor, but be is a fucking hypocrite."

Kagome didn't respond, preferring to chew on her lip. For a second, she thought he'd come back for her. Not that it would change her mind. The idea of being an aging liability seemed unfeasible.

Inuyasha scoffed. "You're better off. Maybe one of the new guys that Kohaku brought would suit you," he suggested.

If looks could kill, Inuyasha would be 6 feet under. The best Kagome could do was one. "Sit, boy!" She commanded.

The beads around his neck glowed, and his face planted into the ground with a satisfying sound. Shizuka looked at Kagome with a mixture of perplexion and horror, eliminating any amount of satisfaction Kagome would get from the deed.

"He deserved it!" She defended against her wordless accuser. "He will be fine," she waved a hand.

Inuyasha lifted himself from the ground spitting dirt, "Dammit, wench! Don't fucking do that!"

Kagome grabbed Inuyasha by his beads, pulling his neck down and looked at Shizuka. "Beads of subjugation," she explained. "If he ever gives you any trouble, let me know, and I will bring him down a few notches."

Shizuka continued to look horrified, emphasizing her fright by taking a step back from Kagome.

Kagome frowned and let Inuyasha go. He growled and rubbed his neck, muttering obscenities. He grabbed Shizuka's hand and marched off with her, leaving Kagome behind.

She sighed and followed.

The village was just a few yards away, and the trio made their way to Miroku and Sango's house.

Upon entering, Kagome was greeted with smiles and tight hugs from her best friend. Sango hiccuped, stifling a happy sob. "We were all so worried, but when Sesshomaru came, I knew you were okay."

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked. How had Sango seen Sesshomaru already? "Did he come here?"

Sango's eyes went wide with apprehension. "He did…"

Kagome looked around, noting the absence of her child, "Where's Setsuna?"

"He didn't bring her to you?" Sango questioned.

"Clearly not!" Kagome felt the blood drain from her face and turned to bolt from the door. Inuyasha stood with Shizuka in the doorway, speechless, and Kagome shouldered past him to get outside. He protested loudly, "Hey!"

Kagome ran outside, not knowing where to go or what to do. She could feel her adrenaline start to course as she stopped and looked in any direction. People were coming and going, working through their daily chores and errands, some looking at her strangely as she stood panting and looking around frantically.

Without having a set course in mind, she began running blindly, looking for anything. She could hear her name being shouted from behind her. "Kagome! Wait!"

She ignored whoever called, dashing through women who were running errands, children who were playing, and men returning from the day spent hunting and gathering. Kagome had a one-track mind at this moment where her instincts led her rather than her rationale.

Another voice broke through her, "Kagome?!"

She didn't stop running, but a pair of strong arms grabbed her and pulled her off her feet. "What's wrong?" she heard a frantic voice call out.

Kagome was able to see Rin standing in front of her, concern marring her features. "Kagome, please calm down."

She wrestled against the hands that restrained her, trying to pull free. "Let go of me. I have to find her," she cried.

Rin grabbed Kagome's hands in her own. "Please, listen. Setsuna is not here. She is with Lord Sesshomaru."

"He took her?!" Kagome yelled. She settled and quit trying to break free, finally noticing who had grabbed her up. It had been quite a while since she'd seen the young man, Kohaku. He'd grown taller, more filled, and masculine in his slayer clothes. He also looked concerned while holding her from causing harm to herself or others.

"Yes, that is true," Rin said. She looked sad for Kagome like she felt pity for a child who didn't know the real way of the world. "He said to come," she said softly.

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked. "He said what?"

He allowed Kagome to go free, and she turned to look up at him in perplexion. Kohaku moved around to stand beside Rin.

"What are you saying?" Kagome asked. Come where she wondered.

Rin still held Kagome's hands and rubbed them in a soothing motion. "He wanted you to find them."

Kagome felt her heart fall. Now Setsuna was gone, too. Was it a punishment? Or was he using their child to bring her to him? Perhaps he did not find her capable of handling their child that would surely outlive her. "Find them?" she repeated softly. "Did he-was there anything else?"

"Yes, he said once you were ready, they would be waiting."

o - o - o - o - o

A/N: FYI, to any who may ask. No, Inuyasha isn't in insta-love with Keyuri/Shizuka. I'll just leave it at that.

Hmm, there will likely be some daddy-daughter moments in the chapter to come. That should be exciting.

Also, I know it seemed a bit anti-climatic that Fan bit the dust so easily. I mean, he's this hella strong yokai, right? Well, we've seen Sesshomaru lose an arm to his "weakling" brother, so I don't think it's a stretch to say that Fan overestimates himself a bit, or at the very least underestimates everyone else. I doubt he will make that mistake again.

#Chapter Sixteen #Nocturne #SessKag #Sesshome #Sesshomaru #Kagome

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mbti-notes · 5 years

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[1] Hello, INTP here. I have a problem that seems to be related to underdeveloped Fe. For basically all my life, I feel like I can’t connect with anyone and wouldn’t miss them even if we parted ways and were to never see each other again. I know it’s egoistical, but I don’t know how to change it.

[con’t: The main problem is about my mother. She’s a person who really cares about others and misses me a lot ever since I moved out. However, I don’t reciprocate her feelings and I feel incredibly bad because of this. I grew apart from her when I was about 13 because she became emotionally manipulating and controlling because of some personal matters that spiralled into paranoia. I know she didn’t have ill intentions, but it still screwed me up and made me distance myself from her. I think this has also contributed to the problem mentioned before (at least, regarding her). The thing is, I know I should miss my parents like they miss me, but I just… don’t. My mother gets incredibly upset and starts crying whenever I tell her this, and I feel bad for doing so, but I think it would be harder and crueler for everyone in the long run to just fake emotions I don’t actually feel. I’m tired of being so emotionally numb, but I don’t know how to change it. The most surprising thing is that I’m not a cold person regarding other aspects of relationships (I’m usually genuinely kind and respecting of others, for example), only when it comes to get attached to them. Do you have any advice on how to start bonding appropriately with people? Thanks in advance.]

Yes, Fe problem, which also means Ne problem. INTPs are emotionally blank when they severely lack extraverted development. Being an Fe type means that you have to engage with the world in order to feel things, you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zones in ways that trigger (new) feelings and emotions. Inferior Fe essentially boils down to deep-seated fear of emotional life. Being existentially scared of feelings and emotions means that you don’t get to have them unless something literally forces you to have them by smacking you upside the head, therefore, many TPs perceive emotional life as being quite unpleasant and, of course, don’t want anything to do with it. Then you’re always reflexively pushing feelings away, ignoring them, downplaying them, devaluing them… until you can’t feel anymore (use it or lose it). When you can’t feel, then you’re lost, because you’ll have absolutely no idea how to care for yourself and your psychological well-being let alone others’. If only for the sake of knowing how to take care of yourself, you should want to have a healthy emotional life - that’s a big part of what it’s there for. You call yourself “egotistical”, which is kind of funny since an egotistical person only cares about themselves, yet you are actually incapable of caring for yourself.

You can’t force yourself to feel. Feelings must arise organically. However, what you do have control over is how OPEN you are to feeling feelings. If you don’t develop your extraverted functions, you have no openness, your existence is completely closed in upon itself as Ti-Si loop just stays in a self-defined “safe space”, never feeling, never impacted, never moving, never changing, never growing. Be honest, is that really where you want to exist for the rest of your life, essentially never mattering or doing anything that matters? Do you really want to live your life as though already in a coffin? Using the inferior function has a high chance of failure, so your attempts to use Fe haven’t done enough to make you understand how important relationships are to living life fully. To live life fully means that you must engage with life, and that is what Ne forces you to do. Ne is your bridge to Fe. You must open yourself up by choosing to take an interest in the world, by making commitments, by doing things that matter (through the impact that they have). The way to disarm Fe dysfunction is to develop auxiliary Ne so that you are able to think in possibilities, rather than just defaulting to the unhealthy Ti paranoia of believing that the whole world is conspiring against you. Developing Ne makes your judgment more accurate and objective by ensuring that you’ve tested your ideas properly, especially when it comes to the way that you judge people and relationships.

I can’t comment on your relationship with your mother because I can’t be sure that you’re giving me an objective view of the situation, since it’s likely that your judgments are distorted by Ti-Fe dysfunction. It could be that your mother is dysfunctional, it could be that you are, or it could be that you are both screwed up. Therefore, I can only address your side of the issue. If I had a dollar for every time an INTP complained about being “manipulated” by someone, I’d have a much nicer home to live in, it’s almost gotten to the point of sounding cliche. Dysfunctional Fe results in grossly misjudging people and social situations. Whenever I have the opportunity to hear the other side of the story, it often turns out that the other person was simply trying to show that they care, though, to be fair, they perhaps did not choose the best way. And without fail, the dysfunctional INTP always interpreted normal caring behavior as “invasion” or they might say something like “I didn’t ask you to care about me”, which is basically like shouting to the world “I don’t want to be cared about!” If you go through life not wanting people to care about you, don’t be surprised that you end up feeling alienated, since dysfunctional Fe eventually morphs into Fe grip - the voice that continuously haunts you with guilty feelings about being a “useless piece of trash”, which doesn’t bode well for your self-esteem. Perhaps you think it easy to ignore those feelings so far, but I guarantee they only get louder the longer you put off dealing with the problem. Are you resigned to this ending? Are you putting effort into a different ending for yourself?

Being in a relationship isn’t only about the other and “doing your duty” out of guilt. This is a very narrow, limiting, and one-sided way to conduct a relationship. There are two components to consider in relationships:

The Social: performing the “contractual” duties and responsibilities appropriate to your role in the relationship. Knowing obligations and carrying them out ensures that both parties benefit relatively equally; on a larger scale, this is the foundation of social stability, and everyone reaps the benefits of living in a stable and healthy society. Your role as someone’s child, sibling, friend, colleague, etc, comes with certain obligations. When people fail to carry them out, the relationship tends to become one-sided, either you take and don’t give, or you give and get nothing, which leads to resentment and unwillingness to continue with the relationship. You make the choice to commit yourself to relationships when you understand that they are necessary for good psychological well-being, and performing your duties well is good for other people’s well-being, i.e., you’re doing something that matters, which lends substance to your existence.

The Emotional: fostering the feelings and emotions that are necessary for building and maintaining a sense of connection with people. Knowing how to nurture care, love, concern, empathy, compassion, etc, ensures that everyone feels invested in the relationship and motivated to continue it. A large component of human motivation is rooted in feelings and emotions, so if your emotional life is dead, motivation to do anything becomes very hard to sustain. If there is no feeling behind the relationship, then it becomes empty, just going through the motions, eventually realizing there’s no good reason to continue. Of the INTPs I’ve spoken with, the biggest obstacle in this department is usually Si loop. They harbor many old resentments, old pain, old failures, old fears, old betrayals, etc, that they don’t want to confront and resolve (due to fear of feeling). Being unable to let go of the past means that you cannot build something new for the future. For example, it’s hard to love your mom when you’re holding old resentments against her, isn’t it?

If your relationships aren’t or haven’t been mutually beneficial and rooted in love, why not? It can’t always just be the other person’s problem. What about your side of the problem, how do you create the shortcomings? Are you able to create mutual benefit? Are you open to loving and receiving love from others? Are you capable of approaching relationships with a clean slate? I don’t know your history, so I can’t tell you the answers, it’s for you to reflect on. If you’re really having trouble digging into yourself, perhaps it’s worth working it out with a therapist.

#intp #intp relationships #si loop #fe grip #relationships #love #parent child relationship #past #ask

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