#thinking back to my past life choices
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Which character from Fence do you relate to the most?
i will now play a little mind game with you - I want you to imagine Nicholas. Got him? Good. Now put that mental png to the side and pull up that cheap jpeg of Aiden with glasses you have down there somewhere.
Now smack them together head first, add a few tattoos, crank the mommy issues up to eleven, make the lovechild a raging lesbian and mwah - that's moi ✨
#not joking I project so hard on Nicholas while im writing fanfic it makes me blankly stare at my screen#thinking back to my past life choices#i almost added 'and kill their mother' in the post but then didn't want to like curse poor Nicholas by my ever unlucky streak#fence comic#fence fandom#nicholas cox#aiden kane
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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#momonina#kindof. embarrassed to post this one bc its just pure fluff lmao… theyre so LAME in this pic (/j)#i can hear mmk going ったく…#nn’s outfits are always soooo cute though#waaaaaah i love the fashion….#miiiight color it though..#edit incoming#future pix here#mmnn#<- decided the drawings of the two of em can have momonina in them but if it leans more romo than plato it has mmnn#bc i rotate them in my head so fast#but as the days pass i get really crazy over them being Not Romantic but still More than That#im losing my Mind tbh#the only thing im certain of is that mmk is definitely a lesbian all things considered like look at her LMAO#everytime i rewatch i do consider how gay her actions are...???#(i've been rotating mmnn around in my mind since ep 1 tbh... the codependency was tempting...!)#but i keep thinking abt mmk herself saying “i saw my past self in you” in like. ep 2 already... and it would linger in my mind#i had written in my notes a While back#like when ep 4 was airing#that it just felt like mmk was trying to be kind to her past self ykno#because she believed that the her now... had failed in her dream#so yknow... by giving the guitar she was trying to have nn continue that dream for her (leading into mmk “guiding nn”)#ofc nn gives back her guitar though and i thank that person on twitter everyday for putting it so well#LIKE AGHHH THEIR MEETING WAS FATE BUT THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK TO PULL EACH OTHER UP... KILL ME!!!!#the choices they make regarding themselves... of staying true to themselves... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgjhg#idk how many people will see this edit so im just treating it like the void (haha Void) here#(i've made that joke multiple times to myself now#i still think about. how mmnn were drawn to the honesty of each other#and yet. didnt exactly recognize each other as an actual person yet?#nn loved void and so loved mmk for creating it and saving her life. so mmk was a savior to her
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Love jaydick and how they love each other.
They'll never have joy over a joined kill...
Jason will take pride in doing the right thing.
While Dick will suffer the misery of doing what needs to be done.
Dick loves Jason in spite of his violence. He acknowledges his lack of understanding of Jason's need to enact such form of justice, and he wouldn't necessary join Jason in his methods. But Dick's love for Jason is so strong he is willing to tolerate, for Jason only.
#jaydick#would this breed bitterness in their love?#maybe but surely not enough to break them apart#jason has his fair share of concessions for dick's sake#do i think tolerance is a great base for fictional love?#maybe but jaydick's love is that of a realistic basis jason and dick have been through so much to be away and close to each other#life worked against them with bruce in between them and their very interesting dynamic#loving each other is a conscious choice put into practice#jason love dick from the beginning while dick learnt to slowly accept his love and give some of his own back to jason#it' hard to put everything between them behind but they do it's a difficult process and they do their best with it#we have our own love in our life and tolerance. real selfless tolerance of another is such a great testament of love in my opinion#dick doesn't hang this over jason's head just like jason doesn't hang his many concessions (far more than dick) over dick's#they learnt from past experiences that this line of behaviour won't get them nowhere#so yeah#they decided to love each other despite everything&everyone#which is a damn hard thing to do if you are them lol
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when a character says 'I can't live without you' I often think it would be more powerful to say, 'I don't want to live without you'. Life will go on, the world will turn, but a light has gone out of it that cannot be replaced even if new ones are lit. I want to be with you, I'm choosing to be with you, I could live without you but I would be losing something incredibly precious that brings a certain richness that nothing else ever will.
'I can't live without you' sounds kind of coercive to me. I can't live without you I don't have a choice so you don't have a choice unless you want to destroy me, do you want to destroy me? Without each other we have nothing, are nothing.
#a butterfly scribbles#ideas#prompt#prompts#someone else please say this better#I mean if you want to write about characters that can't live without each other that's your prerogative#I get tired of how it's supposed to be the ultimate romance or even normal and healthy and just thrown into stories willy-nilly#like in pride and prejudice darcy is all 'I'm in love with you against my will and better judgement' like there's no choice involved#elizabeth is unimpressed 'too bad so sad'#and guess what? his life goes on. in some ways it gets better as he improves himself#it wasn't a plan to win her back. whether or not they ended up together I think he would have ultimately been okay#I think that's great#my life is good but you would make it so much better please be a part of it#I shouldn't write when it's past my bed time
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Finally finished sweet tooth s3. Having incredibly mixed feelings
#love the show. love it a lot. about to be a bitch in the tags anyways#it was. so so messy. they needed another season so bad. the alaska trip took up so much of the comics#and that was with the previously established cast#in the show they introduced a million new characters. gave us no time to get to know them before they were thrown head first into the plot#and condensed an arc that was almost half of the comics into the span of like 5 episodes#my boy singh. oh how they massacred by boy#i mean. okay. in the context of the show the arc wasn't horrible for him.#but i think his survival in the comic and his dedication of his life to making up for the mistakes of his past by helping people and hybrids#would've been so much more powerful than his random self sacrifice at the end of the show.#bc honestly it just seems like another impulsive act in his moral flip flop he'd been having for the last few episodes#rather than active choice to be better#and honestly i wanted to see his delusional paranoid religious breakdown from the comics put to screen so bad#it would've been great#i do like that he turned against zhang the second she started trying to talk about rani. that shit slapped#the several fake outs about Jepp's death were so stupid and unnecessary and repetitive#why are you baiting everyone. you're going to piss off the hardcore comic fans waiting for his death and confuse the show fans#either commit to killing him or stop pretending like you're brave enough to do it#why did they flip back so hard into the mystical vaguely eco fascist backstory and outcome of the comic#after spending two seasons trying to build a more scientific and less 'humanity must end' story for two seasons straight#they tried to make it seem less 'humanity must die' again at the end by ending the virus#which i guess might've been the best outcome available considering the source material and the limitations of it's ending#but idk. it felt weird#the writing this season was so much less subtle. it felt like the characters were constantly monologing directly at the camera#nothing could be left unsaid everyone had to say exactly what they meant#and it was all moral lessons the writers were trying to feed directly to the audience#i feel like they wrote themselves into a corner at the end of the last season#and they expected to have at least one more season to write themselves out of it before the ending#and if not. if this was the plan since the beginning. literally what. WHAT.#can not imagine the people who wrote the last two seasons sitting down and writing this#it won't let me add more tags but i have more thoughts. many more. tumblr is silencing me for speaking the truth /j
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Cozytober - Day 26 - Catnap
#Cozytober#Margot's RF Art#rune factory#rf1#rf#This sketch was actually done back on June 6th of this year. I was knee deep in my Seattle vacation planning/stress and never finished it--#I think I'd just found Home Run Derby tickets finally?? Or not long after that. And I was still scared to death I was making a mistake.#Silly past Margot! It was the best day of your life!#So I remember I did this sketch as just general human pose practice after someone else did the 'tree nap' pose of their OCs.#And so I grabbed it for today's prompt because!! I still liked how the anatomy turned out!#Context my brain goes with;#if I subscribe to the 'Raguna on the run from the Empire' theory then I strongly lean toward the Lynette pairing.#Safe life in Kardia- doesn't feel like the right context most of the time. Not bad. Just. Not as interesting a story.#On the run- This feels like just... a smart choice. Group up once those Empire targeting efforts escalate.#Perhaps he has to deal with the painful compromise and necessity of her lethality because he might be more likely to survive#And he WANTS to survive#AKA- if you can escape. Escape. He's good at it. But if the situation comes down to it.... Lynette can make sure who walks out.#And to reverse the pov- maybe a bit of atonement on her part? All the blood is only on her hands. She'll keep it that way. Let her do that.#He shouldn't have to. It's all her fault anyway.#Also please laugh at me as it took me half an hour to remember the word COMPROMISE. I was so mad.#Rune Factory Raguna#RF Raguna#Rune Factory Lynette#RF Lynette#another ship tag to fill#Raguna x Lynette
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Taylor has officially endorsed Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and denounced Tr*mp's AI posts using her image and promoted voter registration on her Instagram after the end of the debate tonight.
Miss Americana lives.
Thank GOD 😭
#I actually feel very relieved by this you don't understand#my mind was made up long ago I mean there's literally no options this time around there's far too much at stake#and god dammit I hate that man and everything he and his cronies stand for#but it's very reassuring to see this from her nonetheless#especially in light of recent controversies and discourse and everything has has been very conflicting and confusing#on an emotional level as a life long fan and someone who has always believed whole heartedly whether it's naive of me or not#that she is a kind and good hearted person who cares about people and is a source of light and is a safe space for people#I think this is very reassuring to see and will be for a lot of people who care for her as well#but we have to still keep her accountable and hold her to the standards she's set for herself in the past#the same way that we have to hold ourselves and our friends and our families accountable for our and their actions and choices#but this is certainly a step back in the right direction#she just needs to stay the course and I pray she does. I pray we all do.#abby's serious hour#abby after dark#taylor swift
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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Time travel stories are just so human. People are defined by our choices, by our memories, by the events that shape us. Something bad happens, and we have to deal with the consequences. Time marches ever onward.
But what if you did have the power to change things? To go back in time and stop terrible things from happening? Time travel stories always have the conversation of what the unintended consequences might be - the butterfly effect and all that. And often changing the past means changing not just your own life, but everyone else’s life too.
And yet, how could you not change things? Do you really have another choice? If I have the power to stop something bad from happening, don’t I have a moral responsibility to do that?They say that the evil you know is better than the evil you don’t, but is that really true? Things were bad once, but they don’t always have to be.
And then there’s the side-effect of realizing what good things might disappear. Seeing the beauty that formed despite the horror and pain. Time travel is a dangerous gamble, and yet one that we cannot help but make time and time again.
It’s about having extra-human power but making the flawed (thoroughly human) choice. It’s about how every small act of kindness matters. It’s about the hope that maybe this time, things will be not only different, but better.
#time travel#science fiction#I just rewatched season 1 of the flash and am Having Feelings#which is an interesting example to use because in the s1 finale barry doesn’t change things#he has the power to change his past and decides to not change it#because he will not give up the good things in his life#and I love and respect that#but I also love the other side#thinking about my bestie’s campaign where we had the fate card from the deck of many things#and this card brought my PC back to life#and then my PC later used this card to try and save someone who had been killed#only for someone else more emotionally devastating to be killed in their place#but all he wanted to do was help his friend#and that was so very flawed and human(oid) of him#and I will forever love him for that choice
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Every once in a while I think about my old L.upin III s/i and the whole situation they had going on with him and man...
#pan rambles#My ramble is gonna be a bit somber so feel free to just scroll past it!#but anyways#I think about that insert a lot#They didn't want the life of a thief#They only started because their mother was being tricked by loan sharks to they simply stole from said loan sharks-#(oh yeah. this s/i had a mother and she's her whole character and e everything.)#(Most my s/is have parents but I never delve on them because their relationship with them is bad/complicated usually)#(this one is different mainly bc was more based on my Sona which may be called Panchi but is like it's own separate entity from my inserts)#back to the point though.#They didn't want to become a thief but ultimately they stole and now they felt like they had no other choice but to continue#They meet friends ofc but they still feel guilt for their life of a thief. even if they're closer to a robin hood type of thief#they still feel guilty. And then they eventually meet L.upin#and like it or not...they become charmed by him. They're both leaders of their own groups and pretty smart.#The two were on opposing teams at first but their groups eventually get along and Panchi is happy. They were always happy to help L.upin#and eventually they realize that the reason they like helping him/seeing him is because they've fallen in love with him#They've fallen for the great L.upin the T.hird. The two have had their ship tease moments but it never went beyond that#And unfortunately for them...The love isn't quite requited. There's this scene between him and F.ujiko at the end of Part 5 that just.#Hurts Panchi. The feeling that the one they love-the first person they fell for simply loves someone else.#oh man that reminds me of this moment in Part 4. Da Vinci gives each character a challenge of sorts near the end#Panchi was placed in a Perfect Dream world and their challenge was to find what was wrong with it/to snap out of it#what snaps them back to reality was the fact that L.upin wasn't in the “perfect” dream world. Their feelings for him were that strong#Anyways. point is. This s/i has a life they didn't want and in the end didn't get the guy-#It's quite a melancholic s/i when I think about them too hard. they work so much and never catch a break#A part of me still does like L.upin and wants to go back to shipping him but then I just get insecure (?) I guess. it's so strange#but anyways! haha thank you to anyone who listened to my kinda sad ramble!#I miss L.upin a lot. He has a special place in my heart
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im at the haruka + akiyama duo section of 5 now and i love it <3 both for the uncle/niece sort of dynamic they have and because i fucking love me a murder mystery baby
#weirdly very good choice of character to help haruka solve the crime and all that considering he#went to fucking law school amazingly enough#like. he’d actually know what the fuck he’s talking about despite how incompetent he seems on the surface fjddcjendgj#he’s actually got CREDENTIALS#anyway yeah also their dynamic is just very sweet and I’m so fucking glad two major characters finally got to meet like god I’ve been#WAITING#rambling#y5#im reserving my thoughts about mirei and that whole… situation…….until I have all the context possible at this point#cause imma be real I didn’t see what happened to her comin#so. god knows what else I haven’t seen yet that I’ll need to consider#so far though. as much as they’re emphasizing a lot right now her work ethic and dedication and etc for haruka to elevate her career and#etc etc etc and that being a very sentimental and kindhearted thing and whatnot. imma be real I still find it mostly bullshit#I mean. even mirei herself could’ve maybe believed she was doing all that for haruka’s sake alone but that doesn’t erase the fact that mirei#had a plan for haruka since day fuckin one (before that probably) and it had nothing to do with caring for her and her personal freedoms or#enjoyment in life or anything- she elevated haruka because she projected onto her BIG TIME and needed to redeem herself after failing#in the industry by living vicariously though a mini-mirei conditioned to think she wants all the things mirei wants#and so on and so on. like#it seems really sweet and giving of her that she’d do so much to take out that loan and what have you. but once you step back for a moment#and go wait a second. this isn’t what haruka even wanted in the first place. she hasn’t had personal freedom at all the past six months and#mirei taking her shopping and letting her choose between some clothes on her own (ONLY allowing designer brand though. obviously)#is an effective way of making haruka believe she has free will and is doing what she honestly wants to do#because god forbid she realizes that- yeah mirei has sacrificed a lot for me- but I never asked her to and becuase of it now I have massive#responsibilities and expectations to uphold. after all- how could she live with herself if she rejected what mirei worked so hard for#especially after mirei. you know. suddenly dies. (not saying that was part of her manipulation or something just saying that it plays into#it conveniently well- haruka REALLY couldn’t live with herself now if she didn’t win this contest and debut)#annnnyway. it’s very interesting. mirei is… very interesting#I said I wasn’t gonna comment on her yet but. oops
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"the lash of duty" what if I killed myself
#rly just adding to my characterization of Who Creed Was pre tadpole#and how their past as a paladin played into that#I think so much of creed's life has been dictated by duty of some form or another#whether that be the duty to uphold their oath or their duty to their father#and that even before bhaal they had little concept of living for themselves#they've always had a duty to live for instead of making their own choices#I think they actively chose to pursue life as a paladin to give them something to cling to as they tried to fight the urge#but that ended up being what made them so suspectiable to bhaal's influence in the end#they were already comfortable with being more a concept than a person. they didn't even really want to be a person#all they wanted purpose. a role to play. to be needed.#and bhaal gave them all of that in a way that their order couldn't#bc I do think they were something of an outsider in their order before they did the whole 'violently slaughtering everyone' thing#and their lack of belonging among the people who were supposed to be their siblings in arms#made manipulating creed into turning their back of everything they once stood for so much easier#bc what does trying to be a paladin and do good even mean when those who you try to emulate just... don't like you very much?#anyway. its very late and I need to go to bed and stop being tormented by visions of The Character#op#creed#bg3 posting
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i have literally nowhere else to put this i apologise for the spam. the absolute best thing to come out of s3 trent is without a doubt the fucking earnestness... like in s1-2 he always came across as a very self-assured kind of guy, who knew how he came off (ie: intimidating) and enjoyed it. but seeing that paired with him being silly + completely relaxing in certain company??? pulling ridiculous faces at vodka + scrunching up his nose when he smiles @ colin + making the most ABSURD 'i really wanna say something right now but i feel like im interrupting' noises ive ever heard in my fucking LIFE??? its like. he is cool as shit and he is self assured AND he can make dumb fucking sherlock holmes jokes and dance ridiculously. its like!!!! he's lame but he's also not bc he's exactly as confident in being lame as he is being cool. do u see the vision. he has killed the part of him that cringes!!!! its just.. that unshakeable self confidence that u see in his fucking swaggers into frame includes all of himself + his different moods and eccentricities and that's just so based to me idk. unironically live ur best life wear the loudest combination of prints and patterns and primary colours uve ever seen in ur life while espousing the virtues of extended museum hours!!! contain multitudes! get silly with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ted lasso spoilers#combined with james lance's hc abt trent's past its just. like!!#the growth from 'i can't be what you want me to be so im going to be Better than them + tear them down'#-> 'i know my reputation so im going to lean into that + be ruthless + intimidating' ->#'actually fuck this? fuck this! im just gonna be me and if anyone has a problem w then L To Them I'm Actually Living'#also this is just my hcs at this point but like. i do think ted helped a lot w the latter part of this process in so much as. ted embodied#someone who was Visibly weak + vulnerable and had no armour/no sense of self preservation#(the opposite of trent's persona) and made no effort to change anything abt himself to prevent attack. obviously ted has a lot of social +#class advantages that make that less risky for him than it would be for others but like. u get the drift#and i THINK. seeing how without that armour/facade ted was able to be rlly direct + earnest w connecting w ppl#like asking an interviewer 'what do u love?' and rlly genuinely wanting to know the answer#and bc TRENT was specifically in the position of 'i could fucking destroy u rn and u wouldn't put up a fight'#that kind of. shifted his perspective a bit? like. damn what would that say abt me if i wrote a hit piece on this guy rn#i disagree VERY strongly w the idea that trent's more positive character development moments happened ONLY bc of ted (i don't think that's#true for anyone in the show tbh) BUT i think ted's presence at a pivotal point in his life was what helped him confront the fact that#at this stage in his life all his intellectual armour was doing was making him into someone Mean rather than just incisive#like. 'is this a fucking joke' is not cutting journalism. u get me??#and arguably that's a fine and even safe choice to make when ur younger and have no support/reputation backing u up#but after decades? its like man wtf are we doign here if were literally just living preventatively#smth smth i hope i am not just a tumblr blog to u but a blog who is inventing the brain chemistry of a sitcom side character#w each new episode they watch. trent crimm is my best friend irl i know he would have scorching hot takes abt each new season of survivor#and would earnestly heckle the jury and final 3 alike
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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Looking through some old posts on this blog and. Bro the way I fully realized I was VERY repressed but then just interpreted it as sex repulsion. I mean no harm done, really, but damn. This has been going on a while, huh.
#cw sex#this is so old it has the liz rambles tag#gotta be from freshman year#which is kinda infuriating#just because if i had not been too scared to m*sturbate back then bro my life wouldve changed#i mean it's changed now#but the point is i had a room to myself for a whole ass year#and the general expectation that i stayed in it#because covid#im just saying i was bored a lot that year and i couldve been figuring myself out#again no harm done#just let me think about what couldve been for a moment#yeah definitely weird to look at though#considering my current situation#it kinda explains it a lot though#i wasnt just passively repressing my sexuality#it was an active choice as well#i said nope no pleasure for cloudy#because scary#weird how i feel ten years older because of the events of the past few days#i need to stop rambling i know thats my user tag but damn i do it so hardcore#cloudy rambles
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