#this better get higher quality because i am even more bored than i was with disco

[thesearchforbluejello]

Why does St*r Trek Pic*rd feel like Trek for people who don't like Trek.

[neko-loogi]

Oh boy, Hazbin's episode one is finally out.. here are my thoughts on it.

Before I start, I'mma just say, I'm so happy that they actually posted the first episode on YouTube, cuz there's absolutely NO WAY I am paying to watch this shit on Amazon Prime, hell nah. That's good money being wasted on a shit show, no thanks. Anyway, let's move on.

Warning: minor spoilers!

***

Alright so the first episode, all I can say is, it's a rough start. I have SO MANY things to talk about that I feel like this post is going to be extremely long. So bear with me my friends. To make things simple I'll just number everything for y'all cuz I'm such a nice person :)

1) Introduction..

I'mma be real with y'all here, I'm noticing a pattern with Vivziepop's shows in terms of episodes. Like, the thing I don't like about Hazbin Hotel right now is that they do nothing to establish the characters at all!

You have to watch the Pilot (and I guess do some research) to understand the characters a little better, but the thing with Viv is that she claims that the Pilot episode isn't canon, and that "you shouldn't watch it" because it doesn't count.

And yet, she doesn't even bother to introduce the characters in the first episode! So if you're watching this show for the first time, you won't understand what the characters motives are or their personalities. She literally did the same thing with Helluva Boss! And now she's doing it here, and it bothers me so much.

And don't come at me saying "Oh but that's the point of the show, we'll get to know about them later!" Like, the characters talk to each other as if they had already met before, which means that we won't get introduced to them. They're just there in the series with no explanation.

Moving on..

2) The characters..

Oh my god, where do I even begin? The characters are terrible- I absolutely dislike every single one. They completely butchered them all.

I'mma start with Adam because holy shit he's the worst one of all, he literally serves no purpose in the show, other than to talk about himself and stroke his massive ego in front of Charlie. Not only this but his character design is so stupid- nothing about him screams "I'm an angel, I'm supposed to be the good guy here!".

Alastor just sucks. He's such an asshole in this series and he doesn't care about anyone at all. Like, I get that he was kind of sadistic in the Pilot I guess, but that's because he was meant to be intimidating and someone not to be messed with. But here he's just a super powerful guy who really likes old timey shit, and he's a dick to everyone for no reason.

Angel Dust all he does is be horny 24/7 which really isn't a good personality trait. I mean, he's a porn star, I get it, but he doesn't have to be spewing sex jokes all the damn time, it's annoying.

Vaggie is boring as hell, and honestly it doesn't even feel like she's dating Charlie, she feels more like a weirdly overprotective older sister if anything- plus their relationship feels forced in.

Nifty has been reduced to a weird yandere type character and honestly it's super lame. She deserves better.

*Edit: Vaggie also has no redeeming qualities, or a personality at all. She's literally just Charlie's girlfriend, that's it. There's nothing else about her. She doesn't have a single purpose other than to be Charlie's girlfriend.

Next up..

3) The voices..

Oh boy, some of the voices are not that great to be honest. I still don't like Alastor's voice, he sounds like if Shrek had a congestion and tried speaking with a higher pitch. Angel Dust's voice is TERRIBLE, it's so irritating to listen to- like, you can tell the voice actor is really forcing himself to sound like the Pilot VA. But it doesn't come naturally to him! Angel Dust's voice cracks so many times and it sounds so annoying.

This one is just a personal opinion but I really don't like Husk's voice. Like, I kinda miss his old voice because he actually sounded like a drunk old man, but here he just has your typical black guy who works at a casino kind of voice. (Literally, if King Dice from Cuphead had a deeper voice). Like, the voice is good, don't get me wrong, Keith David is an amazing voice actor, it's just that his voice doesn't suit Husk in my opinion.

Oh, and don't get started on Brandon Rodgers voicing Katie Killjoy- I swear to god I just wanna rip my ears off. I hate Brandon, okay? No offense but the guy's voice is annoying, he's not funny at all- I am so disappointed that they cast him to voice Katie, she deserves so much better!

Charlie's voice is alright, I mean she sounds like your typical quirky Disney princess. Vaggie sounds incredibly monotonous and Nifty sounds off, it almost sounds like the VA is using a microphone with a different quality than everyone else.

Furthermore..

4) The songs..

So there're two songs in this episode, and yeah they're boring. Basically, both songs are kinda like a rip-off of "Inside of every demon is a rainbow" from the Pilot, as they are both fast paced and explain Charlie's motive with the whole Hotel stuff.

But here the songs are divided in two, the first being "Happy day in hell". Which we've already seen countless of times in the trailers and whatnot. The song is a super Disney musical type of shit, which is alright I guess. But the second one "Hell is forever" sung by Adam is so unmemorable and boring. Yeah I personally didn't like these songs at all. I even ended up skipping through them when I watched the episode. That's how you know how bad they are.

And finally..

5) The comedy...

This show isn't funny guys. Viv's comedy isn't good and she genuinely doesn't know how to be funny. The only time I actually found a part of the episode funny was the scene where Vaggie was holding the camera while trying to make a commercial for the Hotel, and she asked Nifty to say some lines but all she did was just stand there blankly staring at the camera and not saying anything. That actually got a short chuckle outta me, but aside from that? Nothing else in the show is even remotely funny.

Alright that's it, that's all I have to say about the first episode. I'm done with this opinion post- If the other episodes get posted or leaked, I'll definitely watch them and give my opinion on them. Thank you all for reading and I'll see you next time!

[korewritingandstuff]

To want

I feel it has been so long since the last time I wrote something, do I still remember how to do it? Am I still able to evoke feelings? (Was I even able once?), that could be solved with a beta reader, I know; but it deeply embarrasses me to think someone could waste their time reading my mess.

In other news, for recent events, I should have more time for getting bored or writing, there's two shots saved in my Drive since months! So I hope I can publish those soon! Luckily, I will be able for drawing too, it has been years since last time I tried it!

***

In the morning, when the world wakes up and the sky opens its eyes, letting the sunlights of its gaze to cross the curtains, he would like to have it all.

Looking through the window, the extense green lands receive him, the lands full of trees, birds, war and graves. He would like to have it all, to have the whole world in his hand, to take all the happiness, love, pain and duty existent in it and devour it.

If he could, he would open his chest so his heart could fly, taking all the things for which he has been starving.

He would let his soul go higher than the mountains, sky and sun, higher than heaven and all known gods. Go as high as hard until the body that's painfully efimere and mortal felt as a god's body, rich of eternity.

The pain in his body is a awful reminder of his own mortality, his life being something insignificant compared to the size of his ambitions.

How painful is to live when any possible life will be a unsatisfactory travel.

A whisper on his ear, it isn't necessary to turn around to see that his lover is awaken.

"What are you thinking about?"

"About everything"

He's being understood, he knows it, his lover is as starved for the world's as he's, while other people would accuse him of avaricious; his lover smiles, takes his hand and with a low voice, admits he wants it all too.

They would recommend him calming down his cravings of glory and war, there isn't a better life than the one that's lived without expectations. But most of them doesn't understand- cannot understand that his yearnings are deeper than a choice, his yearnings for a life full of glory and adventures are his birthmark.

The eternal yearning for the life he cannot control is the tool that has shaped his best qualities and the sword that made room for his weaknesses.

And his lover is the same, the only one to understand those twisted parts of his mind, because both of them lay under the same dreams.

"You're awaken"

A kiss on his lips, he thought love was about calm and silence, he didn't expect a kiss from his lover would touch all the right notes of his soul to make it sing.

Another kiss and he feels alive, able to take it all.

"You're awaken and affectionate"

"You bring me back to live"

"Mmh? Really?" He laughs, incredulous "how does that work?"

There isn't right nor fair words to explain a love like that.

"Visit me in my deathbed and see how your presence does me better than any doctor"

"Visit you?" His lover snorts with amusement, "visit you? When it was me who has done the work of a nurse every time you get too close to death?"

"And you brough me back to life, didn't you?"

In the morning, when the sky opens its eyes and the room is filled with the sunlights of its gaze, he would like to have it all.

There's a pair of eyes, which look at him with affection, that makes him feel he can.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

I feel like I'm always coming to you for period drama/classic lit recs 😂😂😂😂 i really hope u don't mind if u ever do feel free to just ignore me lol but since I'm reading North and South now (I'm having so much fun with it btw) was wondering what film/series adaption u like best

Of course I don't mind at all! And I love reading your comments on different books.

This is a complicated question... as far as I know there are only four adaptations of North and South: two tv series of four one hour episodes each, one from 75' and one from 04', and then two radio dramas, 3 one hour episodes each, one from 97' and another from 2022. None of them are good adaptations of North and South as adaptations of North and South.

What I mean by this: some are better than others as standalone things, but in one way or another they either don't understand some of the themes, plot lines, and character dynamics and why they are the way they are, or they are just taking the book story as a backdrop to insert common tropes they like, or whatever they think the story should be actually about.

It's difficult to put examples, as you are so early on in the reading, but one could be that 2022 decides Mr Hale is actually a wise character that philosophically shapes and embodies the lessons of the book, so all his shortcomings as husband and father are either lessened or omitted, and he's given far more wisdom and foresight than what he had in the book.

There are stories I can trust an adaptation to introduce the book to the readers decently enough, even when they do take liberties with plot and characters (such would be the case of Cranford 2007, for example, or P&P 95 or Wives and Daughters 1999), and neither of the adaptations fit that bill, which is a pity.

So, that's for the preamble XD

I find both radio adaptations enragingly bad. My expectations were low, and I was disappointed to not find even one scene I could say "now, that's a satisfying rendition of this". You don't even get a dialogue accurate ending for either, and they are both riddled with baffling decisions. I do not recommend these at all.

Then there's the 1975 miniseries. It is very much a 1970s BBC series. It's low budget, Margaret is more of a delicate damsel in distress, and Patrick Stewart overacts as John Thornton. It's somewhat better than the radio dramas, because of the added length and some less wildness in changes. It's also rather dull.

So what's left is 2004. 2004 is a very beloved period drama. Apparently there is a dedicated facebook group for it, although no Elizabeth Gaskell page at all. And that's sort of the crux of it. If the book is velvet, sort of very rich and textured but rather heavy and difficult to work with, the series is silk, lighter, shinier... lovely in its own way, high quality, but it's not the same thing.

For example, Margaret becomes a bit of a blank slate, and John becomes the big Darcy-Beast-Hades mashup. The drama is turned up to eleven: their first meeting is Margaret bursting into the mill and witnessing Thornton beating a worker up in a fit of rage (they justify it later, but it is... well, what it is).

So it is a common thing for people to watch the series, then try the book and find it dull and boring and that's the end of it. And I have a love-hate relationship with the series because of it. It's not that much of a good adaptation of N&S (granted, its heights are higher than the highs of the other adaptations, some of it is perfect), but it is a delightful period drama.

So that's more or less where I am at.

[crookedherringcolorclod]

What does Akemi Think of The Sakamaki Brothers

Shu

•Shu was quite distant when they first met because he didn’t even know that she existed until she stepped foot in the manor. Not to mention the fact that Akemi has multiple resemblances to his late mother, Beatrix.

•When the pair slowly got closer, Akemi somehow became Shu’s lap pillow whenever there are no sacrificial brides from the church.

•Shuu tends to lay his head down on Akemi’s lap because she’s a bit warm for a vampire but still not warm enough to blend in as a human.

•She is not so fond of it, mostly because of Shu’s heavy weight on her legs.

“Shu, my legs feel numb...”

Shu smirked “Call me ‘Shu-onii-chan and I might consider”

“You suck”

“Mmmm.... and I swallow”

“Ugh...”

•Shu finds Akemi’s red cheeks hilarious, and he pinches them from time to time when he’s bored.

•Yet at the same time Akemi found out that she can benefit from this, no one would have the balls to approach her when her Shu is napping on her lap. It was like having a lazy guard dog.

•So, Akemi became more ok with this mutual bond. If she lets Shu sleep on her lap, he can drive a good number of guys away. It was a win-win situation, even if she must deal with Shu’s occasional jokes.

Reiji

•Akemi was quite scared of Reiji. From the day they first saw each other, this man kept looking at her as she came back from the dead. It got better with time but like… that was not a fun first impression.

•It was so bad to the point she doesn’t drink his tea out of fear that there might be a muscle relaxant or poison with no taste or smell.

•She keeps giving him the “bruh” look whenever he insisted that she drinks his obviously still hot tea while he’s still blowing into his cup. Jerk.

Reiji: My, I am being hospitable towards you, and you still don’t drink the tea. How undignified for a young lady like yourself. I’ll whip you into shape by teaching-

Akemi: 😒

•As of now, Reiji is always exasperated with Akemi’s attitude but also worried about her because she needs more blood than a usual vampire. You know, when she uses her blood manipulation, that can take a toll on Akemi if she’s not careful.

•She hurts the family budget and his sanity because he doesn’t intend on accidentally neglecting a new family member’s health but everyone else in the house has their expensive needs… the dilemma.

•Akemi insisted she was fine getting blood from other people, but Reiji insisted she need to eat something higher in quality.

•Reiji had to buy more A5 steaks because he knows that someone’s lethargic ass won’t share.

Ayato

•Ah yes, the tomato.

•Akemi thinks he’s the most normal among his brothers.

•She would listen to his antics and how Ayato calls himself the best, but she just nods without listening to him.

•I mean she tried, but it took 5 minutes for her to finally stop listening altogether.

•They don’t talk to each other much and Ayato would call her to make takoyaki. He also found Akemi’s powers cool and convenient.

•He asked a good number of dumb questions like using her powers to light the stove on or just demanding she reheats the takoyaki that he left in the fridge for safekeeping.

•Akemi just warms it by a bit, only to watch Ayato bite into the cold center of his refrigerated takoyaki. It’s fun to watch seeing Ayato’s smile turn into a frown and spit out his favorite food.

Kanato

•If you put Akemi and Kanato in a room all by themselves, nothing would happen.

•However, if you put dessert in the room… Akemi would just let Kanato eat it because she doesn’t want to deal with the tantrums he makes. Kanato would eat it and whisper to Teddy about how nice Akemi is.

•There have been times when Akemi would leave some sweets on his doorstep. Other than that, they don’t talk much.

•Akemi always buys two pastries whenever she found a famous bakery. One for her and one for Kanato.

Laito

•Avoids him like the plague, Akemi takes Amaya away from him too.

•Laito’s forehead literally screams pervert, of course Akemi would be wary of him. What did you expect??

•It doesn’t matter if he’s just talking to her, she doesn’t want to be in a room alone with him.

•Laito found out that picking on Akemi is so much fun. When he found out she can turn into a blushing mess, Laito wanted to tease her more.

•It was all fun and games until Akemi finally snapped and threatened to burn him or singe his eyebrows off.

•From that day on, Laito would just verbally tease her. Character development. Akemi makes sure he stays at least a foot away from her.

Subaru

•Akemi doesn’t mind spending quiet time with Subaru, and he feels the same as her. She would sometimes play the piano to fill the silence, and no one would say a word.

•Subaru would also help Akemi fend off guys at school, especially the ones that don’t take no for an answer. She’s grateful for having him as her companion of sorts.

•Akemi would also tend to his wounds when he gets into a fight. Their relationship is rather sweet. So sweet in fact that they need a separate post- 👀👀👀

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

T'au Septs explained and ranked by your local space goat cryptid

Let's begin with the most boring one: T'au Sept. Pretentious high-and-mighty Ethereal snoozefest. If you make a tour through T'au space, that's probably the one you can skip. They're the ones with their ochre color scheme that looks really dated.

---

Followed by that, on the second lowest level there is Vior'la, you've surely seen their white and red color scheme everywhere as they've become something of the new military posterboys - and oh hoy do they take their new role seriously. No, you don't have a "certain edge" because some of your worlds border on deathworld-classification, it just means your planet sucks - which obviously makes them horrible tourist destinations. Also: being in the military is a job, not a personality, geez...

---

Leaving the popularity bottom-feeders let's get to the mid-field, starting with The Farsight Enclaves. Rocking a fancy red color scheme they sure would score higher thanks to their disregard for those suspicious Ethereals, but sadly there's also a significant Chaos smell over the whole thing. It is faint but it is there, and it's so weird that I am not sure if that's regular evil chaos like in the rest of the galaxy or if its a hypothetical good version - and said good version is at odds with the Ethereals, which might make the entire situation more complicated. Their unique worlds are sure worth a visit, but if you have any psyonic ability, you might want to avoid the system entirely.

---

Now finally in the upper half, welcome to blue Sa'cea, the planet that by now is probably more city and agri-complex than actual celestial body. Lot's of people, but it the landscape itself does get boring fast - there's only so many ways you can design a mass habitation unit and only so many thing to do inside of those. It is, however, very clean and well managed. Perfect conditions for a medium rating.

---

And now, to the top spots, starting with Bor'kan - the system of nerds (affectionate). If one needs technical support or spare parts, Bor'kan is the place to go. In fact, the quality there is so good, that even on "discrete services" or "mysteriously aqcuired parts" I never found a reason to complain. The academies and research centers are also very fascinating, but unless you are me with a blatant disregard to security procedures and the ability to get away with that, consider some waiting time before you get to see some of the stuff. But that's not an issue, consider joining a class or two while you wait, who knows you might even learn something!

---

And on the absolute #1 spot we have... Dal'yth! Mostly because they have Kroot, but also because that system knows how to party - there might be a connection between the two aspects. With countless different species coming together and hitting it off, it was only a matter of time until someone brought booze and music into the mix - much to the dismay of high ranking Water Caste members who suddenly had to do a drug-compability-check for every single species under their care. It's not just T'au, humans, Kroot, and Vespids, but also many more and what's delightful neurotoxin to one person, might actually be utterly disgusting to another.

Rumor has it that the only reason the Imperium could sneak up on them during the Damocles Crusade was because they were blasting their music so loud they didn't hear the titans walking. After swiftly kicking the rude party-crashers out, the Sept is now better off than ever before. Nothing bonds people more like shared trauma, and more importantly, a shared grudge to drink over.

They are the only ones who use the superior color: purple- often in combination with green, but they make it work. Clearly, the best system to spend your free time in - and probably the one with the best business opportunities as well if you're not just travelling for leisure. Just remember to consult your culinary booklet given when visiting for the first time - some of the streetfood is clearly not made for someone with only one type of stomach.

[bacchicly]

"If you’re a skinny writer, do not write books about fat characters being fat."

-direct quote from Sarah Hollowell's article you posted 3 months ago

Any advice that is "do not make art about (blank)" is not good advice. Even if you're afraid the art can be harmful or misrepresenting, even if you "know" the art will be bad.

That is a good question. Thank you so much for asking. The fact that you are? For me that gives you permission to write just about anything...because likely you will do it from a place of curiosity and willingness to grow. Story by story. Sentence by sentence.

Frankly, I had a long conversation with the screen of my phone about exactly that part of the article. And it was partly why I ended up writing "my own damn post"

I do not wholly agree with Sarah for the pure reason that I am an advocate of people doing their own research and us sharing around the emotional labour of telling stories. So for me...telling anyone "they can't/shouldn't write x" is bad advice - or at least incomplete advice. Now Howell's advice is meant to be interpreted quite narrowly - and I understand what she was trying to say (which - if I remembering correctly - forgive me for not rechecking...i am trying to get at least a preliminary answer out before work - but I believe her point was that she would prefer we encourage fat people to tell their own stories about weight loss or attempting weight loss - because she felt that line of storytelling was already overdone and hard to get right)....BUT for me - especially in non-professional spaces I really don't think we should shackle people that way.

Now onto your "bad art" part of the question... Ok I have been publicly on the side of imperfect art for a long time. I am more interested in the conversation and transformation generated by works than their actual "perfect form" - whether that conversation or transformation be that of the artist or the reader/gazer/audience. I also believe strongly - based on years of experience and observation -that while "near perfect art" can be extremely transformational - it often does not generate the degree or complexity of conversation as "less perfect art" - and purely "bad art" - I.e. boring, redundant, uncourageous, inauthentic, overly pandering, etc art - is typically short lived and rarely particularly impactful. I mean it's hard enough to get higher quality art to really insert itself into the cultural zeitgeist...so I am not sure there is a lot of need to be fretting quite so much as people do about whether something is good or bad art. I would rather ask artists...why are you spending time doing this? Why are you interested in this? Why does spending time on this story or character matter to you? (And traditionally non noble answers like it's fun and I want to are totally valid - again - especially in amateur spheres)...

Now do I believe there are harmful things people can put out there? Yes. Do I wish I could magically erase certain beliefs and practices that I believe to my core are harmful could be eradicated? Sure do!

But... I also believe that it's better if people bring their ideas into the light. I believe in what I characterise as "good" is both innately logical and true...so I would rather those who believe in hate or harm or intolerance bring those ideas out so we can examine them and argue them and yes when necessary fight them... And maybe...just maybe understand something about why those people believe the opposite of me and what kernel of truth I might learn from.

I would also say ..if you are afraid they will do harm...if you are curious about trying it and have a reason that matters to you for why you feel it is important in some way to explore any story... Do it. Writing does not always equate publishing...that is a seperate step and you can decide if you publish or edit some more or drop the project... But if...you never write that wiggly tooth of a story out... How can you make that assessment? How can you send it to someone like me and ask if it reflects my experience and my thoughts on it? So be brave and write the stories of the people in your head. Your work will not be perfect... But it might be important or transformative to you...and even if noone reads it...that is worthwhile...then if one other person reads it...and you talk about it...that is worthwhile.

Now do I have some maybe higher standards for commercial writing? For journalism? For pop culture that already has a wide audience? Yes. But that seems fair... and also necessary.

But even there the "mistakes" can be powerful mechanisms for good .. Monica's aggregious fat suit on Friends meant hours of discussion between me and my peers and me and my mom discussing why it was potentially harmful .. do I know if it saved more lives than harmed? No. But I also know those things are hard to predict.

Did that suit lead to some of the healthier kinder more diverse representation of fatness we now see? Honnestly I believe it did.

Art is for a lot of reasons. But bad art is better than no art. And I believe in people. I believe that humanity can recognize nuance and is trying it's best (even though we are sometimes very shitty at it). So for me "you can't or shouldn't write x" is bad advice because it lacks nuance. I think you need to trust yourself...be curious...write the damn thing and see where it goes. Honour your imagination and your curiosity. And yes...I hope you work towards less harm...and I hope our definitions generally line up...but even if they don't I would rather you write the story...give it your best... Enjoy the process and let yourself feel and think and grow...

[teaandinanity]

So I found a meme template for 'About You: Video Games' which I wanted to do except a) we all know I am incapable of Not Talking, b) the boxes were tall and skinny and that is Not Ideal for shoving game titles into because they generally need width to be legible, and c) what the fuck do you MEAN I can ONLY PICK ONE so I'm converting it into text form. Also I'm rearranging the order because all time fave should not be first that's what you wrap up with c'mon.

I am also hoping other people will steal this formatting and tag me so I can go 'ooh that sounds neat!' about other people's games lists.

[cut because this will probably go long]

1. Childhood Game

Cannot pick.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time still holds a soft and nostalgic spot in my heart. Music! Horseback riding! Puzzles! I was terrible at it and did not beat it but I LOVED it.

Persona 2: Eternal Punishment, which I also did not beat but which also nonetheless did SOMETHING to my id which persists to this very day, because it is fascinatingly batshit.

The Longest Journey has also left imprints on my id; I think it was the first adventure game I managed to beat, maybe the first game I managed to beat at all.I’d tried some of the King’s Quest games but I kept getting myself stuck in unwinnable situations and/or dying which obviously was not that fun. But TLJ wanted you to see the story; as far as I know, it’s impossible to get yourself into an unwinnable worldstate, so outside the sections where you’re beating your head against a puzzle it’s just wonderful.

2. Best Soundtrack

I already mentioned Ocarina but honestly a lot of the games I grew up with had excellent music, perhaps because the system limitations (midi instruments on a shitty tube television) meant the songs really had to be able to stand on their own. Other stand-outs for me include Legend of Mana and Final Fantasy VI, each of which has more than one song I remembered well enough to hunt down the soundtracks more than a decade after I played them. Also obviously there's things like Bastion now, which has amazing music, and Dragon Age: Inquisition has tracks that (between the music itself and the associations) give me Very Large Feelings.

3. Best Art Style

I have to at least mention Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning here. I still can’t believe a game that is this lovely while playing got such unutterably boring box art. Who did that to you, KoA:R, you deserved so much better. It's got the punchy, amped-up kind of color palette you see in World of Warcraft (which I love; gritty realism and unrelenting brown are boring) but with higher-quality textures and better models than an MMO that needs to be able to run on a potato can handle, and honestly the whole thing is just Nice To Look At. 

Also mentioning Legend of Mana again because the art was cute as fuck. A lot of the older pixel stuff had so much charm!

Throwing Winter Voices in, too, because while the game itself is an incomprehensible clusterfuck like 40% of the time, the other 60% it is quite lovely. It remains the only game where the SKILL TREE made me go, 'oh gosh that's so PRETTY.'

4. Relaxing Game

Flow is a good one. Also Stardew Valley. And Spiritfarer. Roots of Pacha.

5. Stressful Game

When I saw this one on the list I was like 'but I hate being stressed' and that is true but also:

Long Live the Queen is HORRIBLY stressful but also kind of neat?

And bits of Scarlet Hollow have stressed me out but I am VERY MUCH having a good time with that. Delightful horror-themed roller coaster of a game; it wants me to be having a good time even when I’m going AAAAAH! and trying to make impossible choices.

6. Tons of Hours Played

Rimworld. We’re not looking at my time played on this. 

Also every MMO I have ever played but especially WoW (which I am emotionally invested in still, WHY) and SWtoR (because if you let me decorate a house I will spend SO MANY HOURS decorating a house).

Also Crusader Kings, which is basically a Telenovella Creator if you’re successfully avoiding combat and is therefore delightful - I usually manage at least two generations of absolute nonsense before someone murders me horribly or I lose against the rebellion my aunt has raised because oops there are too many branches of the family tree and some of them are overly successful and have turned into kudzu and are now here to strangle me to death.

Also The Sims, over the course of all of these games the hours played are definitely horrifying. The hours just on 4 are um. Bad.

Baldur’s Gate 3 has over 100 hours already. Oops.

Dragon Age gets this also although that’s also why I haven’t replayed Inquisition; too much of it is spent schlepping across the Hinterlands  a g a i n.

7. Favorite Protagonist

For more defined characters: The MC in Gilded Shadows. So relatable. So snarky. Love her.

For less defined, I ADORE the Dark Urge route in BG3 - set enough to feel really connected to the world, but still so much freedom for the player to go nuts. Also the things that are set are UNHINGED, it’s fantastic.

8. Favorite Villain

[nervous villainfucker laughter]

Solas probably counts as an antagonist. Manerkol from The Soulstone War. Sarevok specifically in BG2:ToB when you could Found Family/Power of Friendship him into being less of a dick yes this was partly because I thought he was Very Hot shut up it’s not my fault his VA was Like That.

TBH if I find the villain compelling I probably also want to kiss him it is a recurring problem.

9. Favorite Ending

To The Moon made me cry, but like, in a good way.

The ending of Fire Emblem: Awakening was pretty darn satisfying imo.

I liked Tresspasser very much but I’m still a little irked that DAI was like ‘the real ending is DLC.’

10. Favorite Boss Fight

The final conversation in Trespasser. No, shoosh, it counts and I DESPERATELY want to see more climactic conflicts in games that aren't solved with violence. I loved Planescape: Torment and Fallout: New Vegas for letting me circumvent combat with other skills but Trespasser is the only instance I can think of off the top of my head where you just... Do Not Fight the Final Boss. The POINT is that you don’t fight. I love that.

11. Game You Always Come Back To

I have replayed Choice of Romance SO MANY TIMES and 95% of the time it is with the same MC. Ana is now a comfort character.

7KPP, partly for the fandom, which is full of friends <3

12. Guilty Pleasure

This would require me to feel guilty about my games and I generally don’t? I mean, I have admitted to playing the homophobic horse game to people I work with.

That said the homophobic horse game probably counts because I’m constantly like ‘why are you like this’ about the company as a whole and most of the people who work there and also a significant chunk of the player base.

Maybe World of Warcraft also. ActiBlizz as a company is more than a little bit Yikes.

13. All Time Favorite

I think I’m giving this to RimWorld. The base game was solid and fun and I played a zillion hours. The updates have been good. The dev actually listens to the player base about what’s wanted and then builds it into the game. Modding is allowed and adds some awesome stuff too. The expansions are great and add a ton to the game. It creates very compelling little stories. There are a bunch of youtubers with amazing playthroughs. I found a perfect map seed.

Like, my ALL TIME favorite game is the one in my head, that’s like 30% Breath of the Wild, 30% UnReal World, 20% RimWorld, 20% the homophobic horse game, but unfortunately that does not actually exist. Maybe if I win the lottery.

[adeadhorse]

Quinn/Logan ask meme

When I started shipping it if I did: Probably more acquiescence than shipping, which was when it became canon and overtook the fandom, but apart from that their chemistry in Chase's Girlfriend specifically when Quinn reveals it was just his elbow position that was wrong.

My thoughts: I've covered this before but. I hate enemies to lovers, S4 and I'm allergic to hype - they were never going to be my favourite couple. I would say that I think people should have higher standards and not just accept the five episodes of poorly written screentime they got (in the sense that all of S4 is poorly written), but I am out here riding for an OTP where one half has two facial expressions so I can't judge here. But I hope for y'all's sake that Quogan in 102 is good, but even if it's not you guys have a lot of quality fanfic to return to.

What makes me happy about them: They are genuinely cute and if you squint you can argue that Logan becomes a better person with her. Them seeing each other as equals is very worthwhile.

What makes me sad about them: People conflate fanfic!Quogan (specifically Logan) with canon!Quogan so now the only discourse I ever get to hear is about how superior to Chase/Zoey they are as a couple because people (rightly) hate Jamie Lynn Spears but ignore the fact that Matthew Underwood gave drugs to underage girl. Also sp*z is literally a slur he called her a slur.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Having them as a bastion of a healthy relationship in contrast to Chase/Zoey like hello he has a limitless credit card and she has a zap watch they are hardly the epitome of emotional regulation. I see them as being passionate and impulsive and I think that, after the the initial secrecy had dissipated, they would have struggled with the quieter, more boring sides of a relationship. I also think Quinn would have matured faster than Logan. I still absolutely see them choosing each other but I think it was a bit of a long road to get there.

Things I look for in fanfic: I honestly don't know if I've ever read a full Quogan fanfic. I think what I have read was a very long time ago, filled with angst, and that's not really how I see them now.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Dana/Logan, Chase/Logan, Quinn/Nicole, Quinn/Nobel Peace Prize.

My happily ever after for them: They get married and don't have kids because not everyone wants kids, and Logan is basically a trophy husband who funds his cool wife's wacky inventions.

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Quinn is the big spoon 75% of the time.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Making out that 9/10 times leads to sex. They also end up taking a cooking class together and because baking is just chemistry they're pretty good at it, though they will still argue over which recipe for brownies/bread/souffles/literally anything is better.

[shirecorn]

Hey I just wanted to thank you for that studying anatomy post. I'm trying to support my kid's art education as best I can but I am not, technically speaking, a good artist at all, so resources like what you have put together is incredibly helpful for our home ed. Anatomy is something they have been really wanting to learn lately and I think this is going to be very exciting for them!

(How I study Anatomy)

Studying Animals, creatures, and design

ILL DO ANYTHING FOR CHILDREN i think I took out the swears in that post? did I take out all the swears???

My blog in general is not safe for kiddos because I didn't want to cut out that part of my personality as an online persona, but individual posts can be!

Depending on their ages beware setting kids loose on my blog because I swear a lot, draw Sometimes Really Realistic Gore, body horror, and the occasional Fish Tiddies.

Art tips is usually ok tho I think?

I've been meaning to follow up on the reference gathering step. Showing how to get good reference is important because it impress the importance OF reference

Recommendations for further anatomy study!!!!!!

These were super important to me as a young artist, because "draw three circles and add stripes for a tiger!" were completely boring and taught me nothing. But these books were something else entirely.

I recommend buying most of these books rather than borrowing from a library, because it takes a long time to properly chew through them the first time, and there's always concepts that go over your head for a while until you're a stronger artist and can comprehend them.

As for buying books, please buy from a book merchant rather than Amazon if you can afford it. Amazon exploits their workers, including crew for their streaming shows, which are artists like me! Check used book sites like ebay and Thriftbooks for cheap prices if you need those.

Dragonart by Jessica Peffer and the sequel, Dragonart Evolution

She has multiple books for different level artists

This one is great for kids and it illustrates important concepts like anatomy, realism vs stylization, and teaches a ton of important art concepts. This is one of my foundation books as a young artist.

The believable anatomy here is what made me so anal about dragon wings having enough surface area and connecting down the the tail. I haven't read the sequel, but I imagine it's probably even better and higher quality than the first.

I was selftaught until I was 21, so by the time I realized how-to-draw books were a thing, it was hard to find one advanced enough for me.

Drawing Wildlife by J. C. Amberlin

This book is INTENSE, dude. Absolutely perfect for a more advanced artist. It talks about techniques to render fur, how muscles work, why deer are built like tables, etc. It is really intense so if you get it for a child or young teenager they may look at it and then put it aside for a couple years.

I cannot recommend this art enough for people who want to draw animals. it REALLY elevates your technique and skill.

Draw Horses by Lee Hammond

This is a really typical book. Very short, check out from the library type. It's easily interchanged with whatever other horse book is out there, but this is the only one I've read. It was not advanced enough for me after reading Amberlin, but it's a great introduction to the basics of form and shading, as all good art books should be.

Further Study:

Skulls!

As much study as I've done, nothing compared to the leap of improvement as when I started cleaning skulls. Let me tell you, as soon as those kiddos figure out that a jaw hinges behind the eye instead of opening off the bottom like a trap door, they will be unstoppable

Skulls are easy to acquire, actually. I linked to etsy where you can search for replica skulls at affordable prices. Most of the time when you search for replicas, you're get hundred dollar museum-quality pieces, and that's not what we need to learn to draw. As long as they are cast from real bone and have a jaw that separates, they will be useful.

Real skulls are, in my opinion, much better than the replicas, but you need to consider the source when buying. Most bones you can buy are sourced from hunting, fur farms, meat processing, or souvenir shops. You need to know what business you will be supporting with your purchase. All of mine were animals that I found dead, or were given to me by their owners after they died.

Having something you can hold in your hand is super valuable. You just don't get the same kind of understanding from photos.

Museums

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAKE YOUR KIDS TO MUSEUMS!!!!!

My parents suffered from Have-too-many-kids disease so I can count on one hand the number of zoos we went to, and I think we only went to One science museum. They didn't really care about art so I never went to an art museum until I was 23 and took myself. I had never seen an oil painting in real life before and I started crying right then and there. Please nurture their love of art with everything you have in you. My family didn't care about art and actively discouraged me from pursuing it, yet here I am. Can you imagine how powerful I would be if I had that backup my whole life?

Oh yeah and at science museums some (Like the cal academy of sciences) have sets of skulls, pelts, rocks, and whatever else that are specifically for kids to handle and touch! Ask if yours has any because when I asked I got access to a treasure trove and got to touch an otter skull!

Zoos!

Super important! Grab a sketchbook and go! Make sure everybody works super loose and doesn't fiddle too long or get frustrated. Living animals move, so trying to do something really detailed won't work, it's not like reffing off a photo!

My sketches are on the left, but I went searching for some looser sketches that are good for little hands. The artist talks about their trip.

Yay

That's all the images I'm allowed and all the ramble I've got left for tonight. I refuse to proofread please enjoy

[quarthly]

Twilight characters as random animals that I think are oddly fitting

(Also yes, I am roasting the animals as well)

Edward: He would be a Cheetah. Now I know, seems like a cop out just because of his speed but hear me out. Cheetahs are, at face value, pretty cool. They used to be my favorite animal as a child, but then I grew up.

Cheetahs, through no fault of their own, are severely inbred. Now thats mainly because of poaching, but the cheetas anxiety also comes into play. In captivity, cheetahs are usually given emotional support dogs. I will admit it is cute but it negatively affects the population. Excluding one in the wild, cheetas can be to anxious to breed and thats not good for conservation efforts.

Cheetahs can hit up to 80 miles per hour in a couple of seconds. They are designed for fast running and agility. Their claws are similar to that of a dogs for better traction and they have elongated spines for longer strides. They have a thin build, long legs and a long tail for balance.

This has downsides though. Many times after making a kill, it will get stolen for them by larger predators. Thats right, they get absolutely bodied by the other animals. I should probably make these shorter but I'm on a rant now, so I guess this will be semi educational.

Throughout the series, we see Edward over estimated his abilities and value, constantly getting bodied by others. He's essentially a perfect mormon, though thats on S'meyers. He constantly judges others, dehumanizing them to their baser flaws, without doing any self reflecting. Him viewing himself as a monster doesn't really count to me. While he definitely hates himself, the only thing he is truly demonizing is being a vampire.

Bella: Picking up from Edwards, Bella is a Chocolate Labrador. Yes, she is his therapy dog. I feel like this is really fitting for her. I know Golden retriever would make more sense, as thats the most common breed for service animals. However, I kind of focused on her appearance. Only at first though! I just know that Edward raved about her human qualities and that would pass over as animals as well. Her chocolate eyes and brown fur, very average and boring. Thats essentially Bella. Even Edward wasn't into her until he got a wiff. Labradors a very loyal dogs and while they have more personality than Bella, I just couldn't shake it. Their also very stupid. Ok that's kind of mean, they're not stupid but when it comes to love, then yeah they are stupid.

I used to have a lab, loved him to death, but god he was something else. Very much danger prone, from their own stupidity or their lack of survival instincts. I know that labs are almost aquatic. They love water, swimming, all that jazz. We can just say that bella has a few screws loose in her dna and is just "not like other labs."

Rosalie: Now she was hard. There are quite a few animals that I think would fit for her. I'll list the other ones, but that one I went with is the Swan. Like Edward, seems a little on the nose, but I have my reasoning.

I was going to pick a predator for her, as she is shown to be very vengeful and viscous. I would have pick some type of cat, most likely a purebred, from a rich family. It could still work, but the swan just speaks to me on this one.

Swan's are known for being beautiful, graceful, and are pictured as the symbol of love. They are also very vain. Edward constantly brings up Rosalies vanity. She was constantly valued for her beauty as a human, so of course that crossed over in the transformation. She was raised to be married into wealth, she was used as a bargaining chip to increase the family's standing.

Rose has a very strong character and makes her opinions known. She's assertive and aggressive at times. She's not afraid to get dirty.

Swans mate for life and like geese, are known for being great parents. I was also going to choose geese as an option for the maternal instincts. I was wary at first because swans can be really aggressive. Like actually, you think geece are bad? Yikes bestie...

I was conflicted because swans are known for drowning dogs and sometimes people. However, I can actually see Rose drowning Bella. It's not that unbelievable lmao.

Emmett: Now this one is just ironic. I only associate him with bears. Its inevitable, but picking a Grizzly or Black bear is too obvious. So I went a slightly different route...

So I was going to pick the Sun bear just because of looks alone. Like, I'm not exaggerating, it looks like someone wearing a bear costume. I don't think it fits him but I know for a fact that he would dress up as a sun bear and sneak into a zoo to see if anyone would notice. I'll put a pic of it here

Like look at this thing. I have no words...

Anyway, what I picked was a Sloth Bear. Now Sloth bears are mostly nocturnal, which either way works consider vamps don't sleep. Their diet is also odd but honestly so is the cullens. They're native to the Indian subcontinent, and are known for being aggressive towards humans. Its said that for the most part they're pretty calm, so I think its just fear of humans that make them act aggressively. Honestly, that's a good thing because they are listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red list.

They have some similarities with sloths, which is where they get the name. They have long claws and unusual teeth. They are known to hang upside down from tree branches, and is described as having a messy appearance. Honestly, Emmitt has a messy personality. Sorry bestie but you're a lot of work.

Now heres the biggest reason for choosing this bear. Aside from Baloo from the jungle book being a sloth bear, they are known to run fades with Tigers. Honestly, how fucking badass is that!? Now I don't think there are recorded instances of a Sloth bear killing a Tiger, but when push comes to shove, they can hold their own and I find that incredibly impressive.

Carlisle: This one was somehow the easiest as well as the toughest. I know Owl seems like the obvious choice, and I can see it. However, I believe Carlisle values emotional intelligence as much or if not more than academic intelligence. He is so charismatic and values other's above himself. He might not be as Saint like as Edward thinks, but he does try and I think he genuinely cares about others. For that reason alone, I choose a Elephant.

Elephant's are very social animals and are extremely intelligent. I could rave about them for ages, I love them so much.

Now elephants live in a familial unit and are usually matriarchal. Bulls usually are on the outer edges of the herd or form little groups with other males. Honestly, they're not that bad aside from when their in musk.

In the group of males, the elder ones will teach the younger where to get the best food, water, how to use things as tools, and every other thing that will increase their odds of survival. This is really cute to me tbh, they do this because the females usually choose the older males because they've proved that they are intelligent and strong, that they have survived and will continue to for awhile. Teaching the younger males these things are to make the odds of them getting chosen to mate more likely. The whole unit just reminds me of a father that has to deal with rowdy teens.

Carlisle likes to take in strays, he might not have a herd but he will make one and teach them to thrive. That's how he envisions it anyway. He just has a found family and is trying his best.

Esme: Now this might seem like an insult, but I promise it's not! This is in no way misogynistic. I love cattle and ever since I took animal science in highschool, I have appreciated these grass puppies like they deserve. Call me Castro because I love cows.

Yup! I chose a Cow for her. Specifically a beef cow. That might sound weird but its because beef cows have higher maternal instinct than dairy cows. I'm thinking Scottish Highland based on vibes alone.

They are nicknamed the Gentle Giants of Scotland. Super maternal and sweet and ugh look how cute they are!

Esme came from a abusive marriage and had just lost her child, she was depressed and desperate. Her changing was, in a way, salvation. She just fits in. She adopts all these strays along with him and will protect them to the death. She might be gentle by nature, but don't fuck with her family. She lost her first one and she isn't going to lose this one.

Alice: She's an odd one. There are so many possibilities and maybe I'm biased, but I feel like she would be a Crow.

Ok listen, I'm definitely biased but it just feels right. Crows get a bad rap, they are so cool! They are so intelligent and have the ability to actually sit and think about the past, prest, and future. I forget what its called, but this was only seem in humans! Maybe other apes, I can't remember exactly, but either way its awesome. They do live in groups, or murders, and remember people and faces. They remember locations and are able to pass down information through generations. They essentially have their own language! They are able to use tools too!

Alice's story is really sad. When we first meets her, it revolves around the death of her mother and her institutionalized. She was essentially tortured and forgot everything from her past. All she had was the future and even that wasn't constant. Crows a often viewed as omens, they are associated with death. I personally believe that instead of being the cause, they just know something is going to happen. They are very inquisitive and can be creative.

If you befriend a murder of crows, sometimes, depends or the group, they will bring gifts. Its can range from food to shiny metals and colorful plastic. Hell, I think I've seen a post of one stealing things from people just to gift it to their human.

Alice's love language is gifts. Even if they are focused around fashion, she still goes out of her way to get something that will look good and at least be a little comfortable. By that I mean she tends to forget peoples comfort zones, but she means well.

Jasper: Honestly not to sure what to put for him. I know a predator would be more fitting, but for some reason I can see a donkey working. I know, seems like I'm clowning on the confederate. Fair, but I'm serious about the donkey thing. Honestly, it would be perfect if it wasn't a herbivore. Porcupine would also work.

Being a predator would make more sense. Given his backstory and his characterization, it wouldn't make sense for him to be a prey animal. Usually I wouldn't count this, but given his gore filled past and trouble with the diet, it seemed fitting.

I see him as a Big Cat. Honestly, vamps in general just give cat vibes. Jasper though especially have some cat like qualities, which originates from hunting and being a soldier.

I specifically see him as a Mountain Lion. Aside from him being blonde, he just has the predatory stealth to him. In midnight sun, we see him use his gift to make the nomads overlook him. He's honestly really powerful.

Mountain lions are known for being stealthy with an air of grace and power to them. They are stong animals. And I mean strong. They can jump 40-45 feet.

They're very elusive and quite. They stalk their prey and tend to attack from behind but don't think they won't hold their ground if need be.

Jasper was changed during the Civil War and forced to fight in the Newborn wars. He was a soldier as a human and as a vampire. He's able to feel and manipulate others emotions. He's covered in scars and is very intimidating.

He still struggles with the diet and honestly I hate how the others handle it. Like they have no room to talk. I don't want to defend the confederate but it just pisses me off. He has to deal with his hunger on top of everyone else's. Like damn, besties always on edge! Everyone doubts him which I don't think helps any.

Also, Mountain lions and Cheetahs can purr!

@aquanova99 I'll do a Volturi one too. That one will be fun lmao

[doufuhua]

Resource tips when playing Genshin Impact, things the game won’t tell you.

I see a handful of new players, *cough* my mutuals *cough*, making mistakes when it comes to saving their resources and wasting their time by staying in a low world level.

Increasing your world level is always a good thing, when you increase your world level you have a better chance at getting larger and more better quality enemy drops, rewards from bosses, and artifacts. I understand there may be the fear of enemies in-game being too strong for your parties to handle, but players agree that accumulating your exp past the limit, like say AR25, is wasting your time, mora, and resin. Spending your resin at AR25 with accumulated exp, you are getting very low quality rewards in return with your world level 1 cap, when you could be getting much better rewards if you remove the cap and were in world level 4 for example. The jump in between enemy levels from world level 1 to 2 or 3 is not a huge gap to be honest, it’s not more than your characters can handle at level 40-50, it will take a little longer to defeat an enemy camp, but your party will survive. So, always remove your world level cap when you get the chance. If enemies really are difficult for you, co-op with someone at a higher AR, some are even willing to do the work for you because most high AR players are at endgame, bored with nothing to do, have your co-op join on and ask for help in your profile status. If the idea of co-op makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, you can descend one world level in the menu, but I find that when I ascend, not once have I considered going down one level, even when my party is 20 levels lower than enemy bosses.

(One of the things I regret doing while playing this game was not following the advice from above, I was AR25 accumulating a lot of exp and not ascending my world level. When I ascended my world level, I believe the cap was 3? is where I stopped. I realized the enemies were not as difficult to fight as they were in world level 1. I’ve been leveling my characters accordingly equal to the world level, by the way, farming for exp books is what you should be focusing on when you’re a lower world level, I will elaborate that on another point. My party at level 50 were actually fine against enemies at level 62 and above, if you fight smartly, dodging and using your elemental reactions correctly, you can defeat them. I lost some hp between each character and the fights took longer than usual but that wasn’t a big deal, upon realizing that, I then realized that I wasted my whole time staying at AR25. It was like a moment of clarity, “oh my god, I stayed AR25 for maybe 2 months for no reason at all...I could’ve gotten more and better materials all this time and level my characters even faster.” So after that, I kept increasing my world level, but every 1 or few weeks, because I was dumb, didn’t listen to any advice, and didn’t farm enough exp books for more than 1 party when I should be when I was a lower AR, I needed to farm more exp for at least 2 or 3 parties. So you see, I wasted time and energy grinding, trying to catch up at higher world levels because I stayed way past than I should be in world level 1. It’s unfortunate when I see players in forums saying they don’t want to ascend because they don’t want to deal with the difficulty, or sometimes there are some arrogant players even boasting staying at a lower world level, asking higher AR players, what’s the point of ascending. Maybe when I was in world level 1, I probably wouldn’t care and maybe even agree, but now that I’m AR54, I realize how wrong that mindset is, it felt really sucky realizing I wasted free time staying at AR25 when I could’ve been like AR45, because now I have to play catch up, get characters to level 70 or 80, so that means wasting more time again to farm on top of already wasted time, it’s like starting the game all over. The game is so much funner when you’re at a higher AR, it feels really nice being rewarded with high quality loot, and if you’re like me, the challenges makes the game more interesting, especially when you have figured out the mechanics by now.)

Focus on getting materials and not artifacts when you’re below AR45/world level 5. When you’re at a low AR level, you should prioritize your daily resin to farming mora/exp leylines and materials for character ascension/talents/weapons. You’ll realize the higher you upgrade your characters, the more exp and mora you’ll need to upgrade all ascensions. Like the chart says in the link, the chances you’ll get any high quality artifacts is extremely rare to impossible at lower world levels. At world level 6-8 (the average that most players playing since launch are at), no one is using 1-3 star artifacts (they’re used as fodder for 5 star ones, so save your 1-3 star artifacts and don’t level them), even most 4 star artifacts stay in their inventory. Every AR45+ player are equipping 5 star artifacts on their characters, because they give them the best stats boost for their dps carries at endgame. Supports can make use of the 4 star artifacts however, if you don’t have enough 5 star ones, because they don’t stay on the field as long as dps characters do, but when you do get enough 5 star artifacts for your supports, replace the 4 stars. I say artifact farming should be reserved for when you get to AR45. When you are at AR45, you unlock the restriction that allows you the chance to get 5 star artifacts. Note that the link in the first bullet point says you’re guaranteed at least one 5 star artifact, whichever artifact you’ll get will also be random, so you may not get the exact artifact that you’re looking for, at that point you just have to try again, domain farming is just like gacha. Players would argue whether you should start farming at AR45 or AR50, I am of the opinion that you start farming at 45 for a couple of reasons. First, you get 5 star artifacts early, second, even if your haul from farming are undesirable artifacts, you can use them as fodder for your eventual perfect 5 star artifact with the right stats, and you’re gonna need a lot of fodder to enhance the perfect one. You’re gonna be farming artifacts for quite awhile which I will explain in the next point. (tbe)

Save your fragile resins for artifact farming, save as much as you can because farming for them sucks so bad (rng). (tbe)

Prioritize what you should be leveling for your characters. What I think people don’t realize is, talents are very important to level up maybe more so than leveling your character’s levels. Leveling your characters only upgrades their base hp, def, atk, and special stat, pretty basic and standard. However, leveling your talents, determines how much dmg your character is outputting with their auto attacks, elemental skill, and burst. Everyone has their opinion but my belief is the order should go: ascend character but do not level to max -> level talents to max (at AR35, if not AR35, level weapons then talents) -> level weapons to max -> level artifacts (at AR45, if not AR 45, skip this) -> go back to leveling characters in order to ascend, and then repeat. As far as character role priority goes, I think everyone is aware you should invest in dps/hyper carries -> dps/sub-dps -> supports. (tbe)

Don’t max every stat for your characters, ie. character levels 90/90, talent levels 10/10, especially if you’re f2p, it is very mora costly and spreads your resources thin. You don’t need to be maxed out in order for your characters to be strong or stand a chance against enemies. As you can see from the second link, the power difference between a level 80 character vs. a level 90 character is a small increment, depending on the character’s multipliers, their increase in damage from 80 to 90 ranges from 1-4%. It doesn’t make a huge difference in gameplay. Stat increases start to slow down or get smaller when your character is ascending towards levels 70-90. Most players, especially f2p, who are trying to save as much resources as they can, invest in at least 8 characters/2 good teams to level 70 or 80 all the way towards endgame, because spiral abyss requires 2 teams. So f2p players have to spread out their resources evenly to 8 characters. If you are trying to get every character in your roster to reach level 90, you will burn out your resources very quickly. Say you’ve been playing and farming materials since launch and you’re leveling characters to 90, you most likely will get about 4 characters maxed while everyone else is too low level to make any damage. Another thing about ascensions is just that it is so costly, it costs up to hundred thousands of mora, on top of that, you spend more mora per level up and you have to do it for 8 characters, a few million mora can evaporate fairly quickly when you factor in crafting, forging, buying ingredients you can’t find in the wild, enhancing weapons/artifacts, and upgrading talents. For point of reference, at AR54 my dps characters are level 80/90 and my support characters are level 70/80, talent levels 6-8 for all (at AR54-55 however, you should have talents level 8/8/8 for dps or support at least, that is a good stopping point), most artifacts (5 stars) at level 20, weapons at level 80 or 90. My teams can take on enemies 10 or 20 levels above them just fine, it may take longer to kill an enemy but it’s more fun than one-shotting in my opinion. Talents are the same as ascensions but they are even more costly than ascensions, more time consuming to level up because they require enemy drops from weekly bosses, and the drops are rng, you’re not guaranteed the exact material you need for a specific character, it may even take weeks until you get the right material (in the 1.5 update however, there will be a converter given to players who want to exchange a material they have for something else, but there is no further info about this yet). The unfortunate thing about this game is that there is too much rng factoring into chance, this is the most common complaint in the community and even though many have sent feedback about this, nothing much has changed since launch, it’s just something you have bitterly swallow. Talents are still very important despite all this, don’t neglect them (Tip: whenever a character banner comes out and they allow you to have a trial with them, you should check their character screen, take a look at their stats, artifacts, weapons, talents, that’s usually a model you should aim for. A perfect example, in Xiao’s trial, Mihoyo made him level 80, gave him talent levels 8/8/8, and gave him 2 Viridescent and 2 Gladiator 5 star artifacts to fight level 90 enemies for testing, and that is the exact set I see a lot of Xiao users in-game and on youtube used after his trial, they all just followed what Mihoyo set up for him). Always max out your weapons, there is no downside to this, your characters gain stat bonuses from them and get stronger, the best thing about it is that you don’t have to spend resin for it, you just have to mine ore as a daily routine. Take advantage of the adventurer expeditions, always keep on top of it, and always assign characters to get ore or mora.

There are some exceptions to maxing out your characters, however. Some people have their favorite characters up to level 90 with crowned talents (level 10), that’s totally fine, mainly the reason they would do that is because they love this particular character a lot, they love their playstyle and don’t plan on ever benching them soon. Youtubers like to show off their maxed out characters as a flex, you don’t have to follow their actions though, it’s not mandatory. Only max out a character because it’s personal for you, don’t think it’s like “oh I have to reach the max because that’s required to play the game,” it’s not that. Another reason for maxing is that maybe this character is a hypercarry and their multipliers are too good to ignore if they were at 90, for example, Hu Tao is a special case, she is a hypercarry and has the lowest base stats with average multipliers I believe, of all released characters, but her Staff of Homa makes up for that by giving her an insane crit damage boost (62%), but for a Hu Tao player who doesn’t have Staff of Homa, the sound of her at level 90 to give her a boost sounds appealing to them. If you’d like a model to follow by, the recommended levels I suggest for endgame would be - DPS: level 80/90 (level 80 ascended), talent levels 8/8/8 at least; 9/9/9 if you can, weapon level 90/90, 5 star artifacts at maxed level (look for crit rate/damage stats on each artifact). Supports/Sub-DPS: level 60/70 (level 60 ascended) or level 70/80 (level 70 ascended) respectively, talent levels 6/6/6 (supports); 7/7/7; 8/8/8 (sub-dps), weapon level 90/90, 5 star artifacts at maxed level (sub-dps), 4 star at maxed is ok (supports), but majority should be 5 stars like 1:4 or 2:3 (look for crit rate/damage, energy recharge, elemental mastery, and depending on what the character scales with, attack, hp, and defense stats). Follow what suits you best by taking a look at the first link.

Prioritize your support/sub-dps characters over dps characters. (tbe)

[maxwell-grant]

OK, I know this will probably be painful, and I may be a bad mutual for asking but...would you be willing to identify what, in your opinion are the bottom five worst Shadow adaptations, and give a detailed breakdown of why they were so lousy?

Oh christ, okay. I don't think you're gonna get as much of a detailed breakdown for these compared to some of the others, because I take more issue with adaptations that do have good qualities but also big or deep problems to talk about.

For example, I can't include Garth Ennis's Shadow in this list because the comic has a lot of strong points to it, despite a deeply, deeply detestable take on The Shadow's character, where as the rest of the Dynamite run doesn't reach neither the lows or highs of his run. Likewise, Andy Helfer's run has a couple or a couple dozen moments every issue that make me want to tear something to shreds in frustration, but it's also at many points a really good comic with great art and some occasionally very inspired writing. Really, I'd just be repeating myself talking about what I hate in those.

But, fine, let's list some of the others.

I think I'm just gonna have to get the elephant in the room out of the way here, and address that I won't be including Si Spurrier's 2017 Dynamite mini in this list, and I think at least some of you might be angry it's not Number 1 by default. I'm doing this because I intend to one day really revisit it, think about it and it's reception and what it was trying to do, and talk about it on it's own, now that it's been 5 years and everyone has moved on and we can maybe talk about it without kneejerk hatred driving everyone nuts (your mileage may vary on how warranted it was).

I'm also not going to be talking about James Patterson's new novel, because I haven't read it. It seems to be considered a forgettable potboiler by mainstream critics and a resounding failure by everyone who likes the character whether they've read the book or not, and frankly I don't have it in me to learn what the fuzz was about anytime soon, I got my hands way too full as is.

And I won't be including the Batman x Shadow crossovers here, because again, they do have a lot of virtues that put them far ahead of some of the really worst Shadow media, and I've talked enough about how badly I think they mangled The Shadow, which is really the big problem I have with them (well, that and Tim Sale blatantly copying a Michael Kaluta cover, that was really shitty). I don't really hate them anymore, I just get tired and frustrated thinking about parts of them, I said my piece as is. Really, my frustration over this comic is what inspired me to start writing about The Shadow here, so I guess in a way I do owe it at least that much.

5: Archie Comics's Shadow

I think some of you might be wondering why this isn't ranked higher, but to be honest, I don't actually harbor any hatred towards this. I mean, I have to include it, but I find it kinda silly that some people even today actually care about the existence of this comic enough to hate it.

For fans back then? Oh yeah, obviously, but this dropped to such instantaneous backlash that it never really got to live past 6 issues. Really, everything wrong about it can be understood immediately from the covers, and I've actually read the comic in it's entirety to see if there was anything worth taking. I found only a couple of things of note but, no, this really is just a painfully mediocre superhero comic that happens to have a couple of Shadow names in it. If anything, it gets too much credit.

The actual contents of what it is are never going to justify it's reputation, but the existence of it and the disproportionate response to it is the funniest and most enduring legacy it could ever ask for. This whole comic is The Shadow's version of Spongebob's embarassing Christmas photo.

4: David Liss's The Shadow Now

This is another "The Shadow as an immortal in modern times" comic and I think you may have noticed the pattern with those by now. I may revisit this eventually and I do have some moments from it saved for reference, but overall: It sucks, and it doesn't even suck in a way that lets me talk much about it, it's a diet version of Chaykin's Shadow. If Archie's Shadow is a generic mediocre superhero comic wearing The Shadow's name, this is a generic crime story playing beats from movie. The Shadow is an asshole and not even a grandiose or sinister one, he just feels like a sleazy douche in a costume. The art is a 50/50 coin toss between appropriately moody and "Google images with a filter on them", I don't remember anything about the plot other than Khan had a bomb again and he had a daughter, and there were new versions of the agents and the Harry stand-in turned evil and Lamont shacked up with Margo's descendant which, uh, no. I don't really hate this but I really have nothing nice to say about this comic other than Colton Worley's art is nice sometimes. I can't really muster anything else to say here.

3: Invisible Avenger

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZ...

...uuh, wha-

Yeah, I remember nothing about this one other than it's painfully boring and nothing about it, nothing at all, works in the slightest and I drift off to sleep even now trying to give this a rewatch. To be honest pretty much every other Shadow serial not starred by Victor Jory sucks and I don't really have anything to say about them, this one is just the worst of the lot. I dearly wish there was a good Shadow tv series but, if it was going to be like this pilot? Good riddance.

2: Harlan Ellison's The New York Review of Bird

This isn't really a Shadow story as much as it's a Harlan Ellison story that happens to feature The Shadow, but man am I glad that Ellison's "Dragon Shadows" was canned, because holy shit what a goddamn nightmare Harlan Ellison writing The Shadow for real could have been, going purely by the one time he ever touched the character. New York Review of Bird is a purely farcical parody story that wears real, real thin even before "Uncle Kent" shows up, and we get to see in it what is by far the most detestable and irredeemable take on The Shadow ever put on print, and not even in a critique or deconstructive way or anything that could be remotely worth discussing.

I don't hold any particular affection for Harlan Ellison and his writing (despite liking some of it) and I've come to notice the major red flag that is finding someone who looks up to Harlan Ellison in any capacity as a person, and this story in particular really feels like Ellison aggressively trying to channel his jackass tendencies through every line, just him being nasty because he built a personal brand on being nasty. The only reason this isn't Number One is because it's a very short story that saw zero influence or reputation, and thus it only exists as a brief mention in The Shadow wiki, and a brief mention is all it really calls for.

1: Howard Chaykin's Blood & Judgment

I'm guessing most of you already knew this one was in the top spot before I started writing.

I would actually rather not write a big piece on Blood & Judgment, because I think (or at least I hope) it's influence on The Shadow has waned a lot over the years and I would prefer to draw it the least amount of attention possible, but if I HAVE to talk about this, I guess I'd rather just vomit this out of my circuits now instead of giving it it's own post.

I would prefer to use a less unpleasant image on my blog, but if I'm going to talk about this comic, there's no image to better convey it than this drawing of macho asshole Cranston holding a sexualized mannequin at gunpoint. By leaps and bounds, Blood & Judgment is the most misogynistic Shadow story I've ever read. It's ironic that Chaykin justified the rampant misogyny he gave The Shadow with the idea that this is just a man from the 30s would act like, when he admits in the same breath that he never even touched the stories, and he wrote a story more sexist and demeaning to it's female characters than anything, literally anything, written in the Shadow pulps. It's almost impressive even.

I'll paste some segments from Randy Raynaldo's review

In Flagg, he intended to present his own point of view on American society while keeping his work tongue in cheek and acessible. But this vision dimmed, and Flagg had become a vehicle by which Chaykin could play out fetishes and portray gratuitous and stylish violence.

In The Shadow, stripped of the political and social veneer which was supposed to make Flagg unique, Chaykin's sensibilities and excesses become disturbingly apparent. For all of his liberal posturing, Chaykin's work demonstrates zero difference from the same kind of mentality exploited and made popular by similarly violent popular culture icons like Dirty Harry and Death Wish.

More than half a dozen individuals are indiscriminately and violently murdered in the first issue. Although the victims are characters who played major roles in the myth of The Shadow, we feel little sympathy for them, even for those of us who knew these characters at the outset. Who dies is unimportant, it's how they die that is the fascination.

Chaykin uses sexual decadence as a means by which to establish villains, and undercuts this device by making the protagonists as promiscuous as the villains. For all of Chaykin's seemingly liberal leanings, he demonstrates very little sensitivity in his portrayal of women.

Because everything works on rules of three, this comic also follows the pattern with other works mentioned here, as this isn't Howard Chaykin writing The Shadow: it's The Shadow reimagined as a Howard Chaykin character. He looks and acts exactly like Reuben Flagg and the typical macho protagonist of Chaykin's other works, he's a cynical sleaze with an entirely new origin who half-assedly dons a garb to machine gun people, and I already wrote a separate piece on why the machineguns are kind of emblematic of everything wrong with this take.

I understand that Chaykin has, or used to have, a big following of sorts, and I've tried to wrap my head around this for years, but I genuinely still don't get why Shadow fans stomach this comic unless they happen to be Chaykin fans first and foremost, I really don't. Everything, fucking everything Shadow fans hate about modern depictions of the character can be traced right back to this. The parts that stuck and changed the character for the worse, like him being defined as an immortal, bloodthirsty warmonger who got all his skills and powers from a magic city in Tibet, or Lamont Cranston being a coward who fears and hates the Shadow, or his agents being expendable slaves, stuff that has been ingrained into the mythos through this and the Alec Baldwin movie and other comics, to the point that people now think of it as the norm, that it's the baseline of what The Shadow is, and I hate it, I genuinely fucking hate it,

I hate it so much that it's a big part of the reason why I created this blog and why I want so badly to get to write The Shadow, because I plainly couldn't stand not having ways to tell people that this is all wrong, that this is actively shooting down the character's odds for success, and that they are missing out on something really great, because the well has been tainted with garbage that won't go away and everytime I read the words Shambala in a Shadow comic, even an otherwise good or great one, I get just a wee bit cross.

The only semi-redeeming aspects I can think of for this comic is one or two cool moments, like when The Shadow hijacks a concert using his Devil's Whisper or when he tames dogs with a stare. Just breadcrumbs of "not garbage" amidst an ocean of anything but. I hate that talking about why I hate this comic in-length can almost feel like I'm still enticing people to check it out of curiosity, but if you wanna do that, fine, just know this: The worst part of Blood & Judgment, even if you don't care at all about what it did to The Shadow, is that it's boring.

It is a deeply boring comic. If you like Howard Chaykin to begin with, you'll probably like this okay (although even Chaykin fans told me that this is his weakest work and that even he seems to agree). If you don't, I plain don't see what you could get out of this.

The comic itself is just nothing. It's the comic book equivalent of a pre-schooler trying to get a reaction by swearing. It has nothing whatsoever other than half-assed attempts at shock value. The plot isn't there, the ideas are stale, the dialogue is needlessly oblique and comprised entirely of unfinished sentences, interrupted conversations and one-liners without build-up. The characters are all unlikable and uninteresting stooges with no personality, or joyless cartoons. There's no heart or emotion or logic, and it isn't even funny enough to succeed as just an outrageous exercise in 80s excess. There's nothing in here.

I get "why" it was popular enough at the time, a rising star creator penning a modern revival of an old character based on controversy that pissed off the old fans, it's an old story that still gets repeated today. But manufactured controversy is not a replacement for storytelling and it rarely ever exists to benefit the people who actually want to enjoy the stories, it only benefits those for the crude benefit of those who want to sell you something out of the controversy.

I guess they got their money's worth back then.

------------------------------------------------

Phew, okay, I did it, I finally vomited out a piece on Blood & Judgment and some others, allright, let's put this piece of negativity behind us now.

[ladynestaarcheron]

Fears All the Way Down - Chapter Three

ao3 - masterpost

happy friday! here's chapter three, a little long, and dramatiqué so enjoy:)

canon fixes this week: 1) gwyn mentions the priestess who counsels them. nesta was never offered counseling. bullshit. 2) gwyn says they never talk about each other because they've all been through a lot. mm. okay. i went to a girls' school. you don't just not talk about anyone because they've been through a lot. it doesn't have to be cruel gossip, but you definitely still talk. and if someone is a bitch to you, then yeah, it's gossip.

---

When Nesta had first been brought into Prythian, right here into the House of Wind, she had often thought to herself that her life could not possibly get any worse. She was a faerie now, a monster, and Elain was wasting away before her eyes, and Feyre was off to no-one-would-tell-her-where doing no-one-would-tell-her-what. And every other day, Cassian would come by and interrupt her fear and anxiety to irritate her beyond belief.

‍And then the war happened, and the impossible happened. Her life did get worse.

‍And now she is here again, and it is...different. Sometimes worse. Sometimes better. Sometimes neither. But it's different this time.

‍This time, she doesn't have to be worried about her sisters. They're the ones who are worried about her. She isn't scared of her own reflection anymore--not comfortable in this immortal skin, but used to it nonetheless. And most striking...Cassian doesn't seek her out.

‍He doesn't sit with her for breakfast, though the healer, Daphne does come up every morning to check up on her (unnecessary. She is miserable and in pain, but stable). She hears him during the day, making rounds around the House, or doing something up on the roof, but she doesn't see him while the sun is out. He meets her once for dinner, to watch her take her mock liquor, and then once again when she hurls out her insides in the middle of the night.

‍And then the week is over, and he is gone.

‍Feyre is there to greet her for breakfast.

‍"I hear you slept the night!" she says, enthusiastic.

‍Nesta doesn't answer.

‍"You've detoxed," Feyre says. "I...I'm really proud of you. I know that was a long five days. Elain's proud of you, too. She sends her love."

‍Nesta nods slightly. She sits down at her usual spot at the head of the table, the chair dragging itself out to meet her.

‍Feyre notices. "Kind of creepy, isn't it? The magic all on its own?"

‍"I don't mind it," Nesta says.

‍On the contrary. The first morning she had awoken here, she had desperately wanted to bathe. But she stumbled into the bathroom and her body had seized up as she imagined herself sinking in the tub. Sinking...drowning...getting pulled under and never getting out. Perhaps it was being back here, but she had asked the House for some buckets, and reverted to her old practice of washing herself.

‍She had fully intended to accept her fate, coming to terms with the fact that while she was in the House, forcing herself to sit in the tub would be far too difficult, and she'd have to suffer through being covered in her own sick for a week, but on the second morning, the House had gifted her with an out.

‍The tub, ridiculously wide and deep--to accommodate wings, she realizes now--was still there, but hanging from the ceiling, almost like a chandelier, was a faucet. The House had turned on the water for her; she hadn't known what it was. The water came out like rain, with dozens of tiny streams instead of one the size of a fist, like in the bath. And she could...stand under it.

‍Nesta still isn't quite sure how much the House can hear, or if it cares. But she takes extra care to say please and thank you now, for things she wouldn't have bothered before.

‍"Well, at any rate," Feyre says, pulling her back to the present. "You'll be starting at the library today. Are you ready?"

‍Nesta shrugs.

‍"Do you want me to walk you down?"

‍No. Maybe. No. "Do...are girls normally escorted in?" she asks carefully.

‍"No," Feyre admits. "Normally...they're just brought here right after...but it's allowed. I mean, whatever's more comfortable for you."

‍She doesn't know what to say, so she deflects. "Did Elain not want to escort me?"

‍"She just didn't want to come by until you specifically asked for her."

‍"Why did you come, then?" She's blunt, but she only realizes how it sounds until after it comes out. She isn't trying to be cruel, though.

‍Feyre doesn't bristle. "I wanted to see you. And update you on the Illyrian situation."

‍"The rebels?"

‍"They're doing a good job of keeping their meetings secret," Feyre admits. "But don't worry. We're better."

‍"I'm not worried," Nesta says, and she honestly means it. She remembers the war well. Remembers Cassian's skill, precision, deadliness...no one compares. If he's defending her, there's no cause for concern. Except him, of course. "What is it?"

‍"They know you're at the House." Their spies in Velaris had probably noticed Cassian flying about, had marked Elain moving her things out of her apartment in the city...Nesta isn't scared of any Illyrians tracking her down while she's here, but the idea of some wretch skulking after her sisters in the dark....

‍Feyre continues, "And we do know they want to make a move. But they can't, Nesta. I promise you're safe here."

‍Nesta keeps her voice impassive, almost bored, when she says, "He's gone, though?"

‍Feyre knows whom she means. "Cassian? Well, we're still keeping the House secure...you might hear him or Rhys or Az checking the wards a few times a day, but that's it. No one in the House any longer. Just as you'd prefer it."

‍Nesta blinks. She hadn't realized this threat was real enough to warrant the three of them visiting the House multiple times a day. Perhaps...perhaps there is reason to worry. Or fear.

‍Because she certainly will be afraid...if it happens like last time. Strange faerie males breaking down her door, ripping her out of bed. By her hair, by her arms. Grabbing at her, pinching her. Elain screaming from her room down the hall.

‍"So, you'll go down yourself, then?" Feyre asks, dragging her back to the present.

‍Nesta blinks again, shoving that horrible night out of her mind. "Yes," she says, and because she doesn't want to give herself another moment to slide into that place again, rises to do just that.

Feyre had escorted her down to these doors once before, and they had descended the levels to find Hybern. This time, she is alone, and there are two priestesses waiting for her when she enters.

‍One clearly defers to the other, and she stands behind her. Her hood is set atop her head, and her brown face is pretty aside from some light scarring on either cheek. She smiles and says, "Welcome, Nesta."

‍Nesta cannot tell if the higher priestess smiles or not, for her hood covers her face. But truth be told, even if she were entirely naked, Nesta would only look at her hands, for they are wrecked beyond comprehension. Fingers at wrong angles and parts missing and--

‍"Hello," Nesta blurts out, because it's the only thing she can think to say and she doesn't want to stare. She hates when people stare at her. Her cheeks flame; she's not cut out for this. She can't be around these females.

‍The high priestess lifts her head slightly, enough for Nesta to see that she is, indeed, smiling. A parchment and fountain pen--and quite a good-quality one, she notes--appear out of thin air, making her jump slightly, and in a neat script write out:

‍Welcome, Nesta. I am Clotho, high priestess of the library. This is Thalia, one of our senior priestesses. She'll be showing you the library today. I hope you find it to your liking. I'll see you later today.

‍"Oh," Nesta says, not quite knowing what to reply. "Thank you," she adds, figuring that's as good as anything.

‍Clotho raises her head once more to offer her another smile and then sweeps away, parchment and pen disappearing after her.

‍"Shall we begin our tour, then, Nesta?" Thalia asks. She waits for Nesta to nod before beginning her descent down the spiralling levels of the library.

‍Thalia explains about the different sections of the library, and points out different offices for the other senior priestesses and what their specialties are. They meet some females here and there, and she introduces them, but luckily no one sticks around for a chat. Already Nesta can feel her pulse quickening, sick at the idea of having to be with all these people all the time. She is immensely grateful for her sisters for keeping her alone in the House during the nights, at least.

‍When they reach the fifth level, Nesta stops in her tracks. Thalia looks at her, patient and unhurried.

‍"Is it--back?" Nesta asks, unable to keep the fear out of her voice.

‍Thalia smiles. "Bryaxis has never harmed any of us and is no cause for alarm," she says gently. "But no, it is not returned."

‍No cause for alarm? Cassian was scared of that thing.

‍But if it's not here...fine.

‍"Where's your office?" Nesta says, grasping for a subject so she doesn't have to see the look on Cassian's face when he found her running out of the library in her mind's eye.

‍"Level six," she replies. "Come, let's go there now."

‍Thalia's office is clearly very separate from the library, as it has the least amount of books of any room here. Which is still substantially more than what Nesta guesses the average room in Velaris has, with one wall made up of fully stacked floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and some on the desk in the corner and one on the coffee table in the small sitting area.

‍"Come sit, please, Nesta," Thalia says, choosing a couch for herself. "Well,"she says, when Nesta is settled in an armchair, "what are your first impressions of the library?"

‍"I've been here before."

‍Thalia smiles. "So you have. But you're a bit better informed on our particular brand this time around, aren't you?"

‍Nesta nods.

‍"Well, allow me to explain further. I am the priestess who counsels the females who choose to join us."

‍"Counseling?" she repeats, her heart speeding up. So she's supposed to just tell this female everything about herself? Is that what her sisters expect her to do?

‍"I know that's a loaded word, but I promise it isn't as scary as it sounds."

‍How can she be so cavalier about this? All smiles and twinkling eyes.

‍"We can have sessions as often or as rarely as you'd please. If you'd like, you never have to come to another meeting with me again after this, or any of the classes or sessions my colleagues direct. Except, of course, for our weekly check-in."

‍"What's the weekly check-in?" Nesta asks, because the priestess won't say anything otherwise.

‍"We do one mandatory group session a week where we all check-in with each other. Everyone attends. No one has to speak, but we all attend."

‍All right. Fine. She can do that. Sitting in a room one a week, silent. Listening to other miserable girls talk about their problems.

‍Could be worse, she tries to tell herself.

‍"So what exactly...does life at the library entail?"

‍"Our institution exists for the purpose of preserving and furthering knowledge on every topic we can get our hands on," Thalia says, "but we also serve to help females heal from various traumas. Because everyone is different, there's no one correct way to go about this journey. But a very broad number of sessions and exercises are available to you, and you are welcome and encouraged to try any of them. In addition to these, you will also be invited to work in the library. First you can start with menial tasks, and when you've got your bearings you can be given a more specific assignment.

‍"But the real question, Nesta," the priestess continues, and Nesta startles when she breaks her generic explanation to address her by name, "is what you want life at the library to entail."

‍She clenches her fists at her side, trying to draw the blood away from her cheeks. "What?"

‍"What would you say your goals are?"

‍Her throat tightens. Goals? Nesta hasn't had a goal in...probably since she stopped taking magic lessons with Amren. And for her life, well....

‍"Why don't we start with what urged you to make the decision to come here?"

‍Blinking twice, Nesta says, "My sisters."

‍"Did you come to appease them, or another reason, or a mix of both?"

‍Perhaps it's something in the female's tone, that genuine curiosity, that puts Nesta the slightest bit at ease.

‍"For them, mostly. But...a little bit for me." It sounds stupid when she says it, but Thalia does scoff or roll her eyes--of course not. And that's enough for her to continue, unprompted, "I want to live again."

‍Without missing a beat, Thalia leans over and picks up the book from the table and takes out a pen from the pocket of her robe. "Why don't we figure out how you can do that, then?"

Perhaps it was because of the topic of conversation--Nesta hates talking about herself--but she didn't remember sober conversations being so...difficult.

‍Thalia had coaxed Nesta into telling her the things she most wanted to happen. She had congratulated her on her sobriety--almost a full week, Nesta's mind bit with mock enthusiasm--and encouraged her to take her success there as indication that she is capable of working towards everything else she desires.

‍But so far Nesta is only sober because she lives in a house completely inaccessible to the outside world--unless she wants to hike down ten thousand steps, or ask Rhysand to carry her down--and there is no alcohol inside of it. She can't possibly manage any of her other goals in the real world.

‍"Why not?" Thalia had asked. "And who says this isn't the real world?"

‍That was fair. So Nesta shrugged, and after a painstaking few hours, they had a list of things Nesta wanted to do for now, comprised of a sentence Nesta worded and then Thalia's additions.

Not drift off inside her own head for undetermined amounts of time -> determine triggers.

Not always feel like she needs alcohol -> find productive coping mechanisms.

Be able to talk to Elain and Feyre normally -> determine what is stopping her since all three of them want the same thing.

Start reading again.

The fourth one Thalia had been very pleased to hear, and she had left as Nesta said it.

"I'd be happy to give you some recommendations, if you'd like," she'd said.

"There are romances in the House," she said. She had spotted some on the shelves in her room that hadn't been there last time. And who knew when the next time she was going to have sex was? Who knew if she'd ever have sex again? So she'd better find a good novel.

She didn't tell the priestess that, of course.

So after a morning of that, and a quiet lunch of one slice of toast by herself in the House--not much, but more than she'd expected to have. The detoxing must've given her the slightest bit of appetite again--Nesta descends down to the library again to begin her new job of shelving books.

The work isn't so bad. Dusty, and tedious, but it's good enough at distracting her from herself, because she doesn't know the library well enough for it to be mindless. After a few hours of this, a strong bell rings out--the call to prayer. The priestess all make their way to the same place, leaving Nesta alone in the library for half an hour, then they are back. No one asks her why she didn't join. No one asks her anything at all the whole day, until a second, softer bell rings out, and the priestesses begin to leave for dinner, and she back up to the House, and Clotho waits for her at the door.

Hello, Nesta, she charms her pen to write for her. How was your first day?

"All right," she says. It was. It was...fine. Not terrible.

Thalia tells me she's very impressed with your progress.

Nesta blinks. She hasn't done anything.

Clotho huffs a small sound of amusement, swaying her hood slightly. It can generally take a long while for someone to share with Thalia as much as you did.

I noticed you seemed interested in the Wats books.

At this, Nesta blushed slightly. Children's books, tall tales. "I hadn't realized I was being watched."

Clotho only waits.

"Yes," she says eventually. "I...like stories."

One of our senior priestesses is giving a series of lectures on the history of children's literature. There's one tomorrow. Perhaps you'd like to join.

The pink tinge in Nesta's cheeks hasn't fully faded. "Maybe."

Was there something else you wanted to say, Nesta?

Is it that obvious? Nesta's always thought she's good at keeping her thoughts off her face, but Clotho and Thalia seem to see right through her.

"I still don't understand how this is supposed to work," she admits.

Clotho lifts her head to show her another smile. I'm afraid "this" will require some patience. We want to find the right path for you. In the meantime, however, you are welcome to join sessions or lectures, and I will figure out an assignment for you within the coming weeks.

You have nothing to worry about, Nesta, Clotho adds. You're going to do so well. You're stronger than you think you are.

She has to say that to everyone, Nesta supposes, but she nods anyway, and turns to go up into the House.

Dinner is as quiet as lunch was, and Nesta manages to stomach another slice of toast and even some raw celery. Anything hot or rich, Nesta finds, is too much for her to bear, and she can't keep down. Even buttering her toast is too much for her. The House doesn't seem to grow impatient with her as she uncertainly, almost shyly, asks it for new foods. Just to see if she can smell them without growing nauseated. Small steps. Perhaps one day she'll be able to eat normally again.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps she'll be this wretched, vile, pathetic thing--

I have never in my life thought you were pathetic.

It's not an uncommon occurrence, for Cassian's deep voice to echo in her mind, but it's been some time since they've felt so...comforting.

Your sisters love you. I can't for the life of me understand why, but they do. Yes, that had spun around in her mind for months. And most nights, sometimes even with another male's arms around her...I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you in the next world - the next life. And we will have that time. I promise.

He hadn't meant it. Or...he had in the moment and then without the looming threat, he had changed his mind. Or she had done something...

But this is real.

I have never in my life thought you were pathetic.

It feels real. It feels honest and true and tonight, it is enough to drive out other thoughts, enough to spur her into choosing a book to start, enough to make her forget that she wanted the fifth thing on that list to be Not be so awful and disgusting and useless and pathetic because if he think she's not, then she's not.

It's enough to make her think she's doing the right thing, and enough to make her do it again tomorrow.

The next day, no one seeks Nesta out for a session. Some of the senior librarians say hello to her, but she is mostly left to her own devices and continues shelving books on her own. She does so all morning, and she expects to do so all afternoon, but around two, a priestess approaches her and asks her if she wants to join her lecture circuit on the history of children's literature. There's no real reason not to go, so Nesta agrees.

‍The room is smaller than the ones Father had once described to her were at higher institutes on the continent. It's the right size for the dozen or so priestesses already sitting in a semi-circle, facing a black board where a charmed piece of chalk already begins to write.

‍Nesta sits in an empty seat on the edge of the semi-circle, next to a copper-haired priestess, with her hood hanging at her shoulders. Actually, Nesta muses to herself as she studies the girl out of the corner of her eye, she might not even be a priestess at all. She isn't wearing that necklace they all have on their foreheads. It's nice to think that there's someone else here who doesn't worship that thing.

‍The lecture is interesting, if a bit confusing at times. Nesta is largely unfamiliar with children's stories over the Wall--there had been no magical quests or enchanted objects in her childhood. The witches and sorcerers and faeries had always been the villains.

‍But it's nice. To learn something new, to hear it from someone who is clearly passionate about it.

‍When the lecture is over, the priestess--Calliope--talks to her while the other girls file out.

‍"To your liking?" she asks, blunt.

‍"Yes," Nesta answers.

‍"Thalia said you might like some recommendations. What are you interested in?"

‍"Anything good. Romances."

‍"Are you well-versed in fae classics?"

‍"No," Nesta says. She's fairly well versed in human classics, though.

‍"I'll get you started. I'll have a pile ready for you by the end of the day."

‍"I...thank you," she says.

‍The priestess nods once and turns on her heel to leave.

‍Nesta blinks. She didn't realize priestesses could be...not so like Thalia or Clotho and maybe more...like her. Back when she was like herself, at least. She shakes herself a little and walks out of the room, too.

‍"What did Calliope say to you?" asks a clear, pretty voice from behind.

‍Nesta turns. The ginger possibly-not-priestess.

‍"Excuse me?"

‍"What did Calliope say to you?" she repeats, taking a step closer.

‍Tensing slightly, Nesta says, "She asked me if I liked her lecture."

‍"Well?"

‍Hands now fisted at her sides, Nesta says, "I beg your pardon?"

‍"Well, did you like it?"

‍"I did," Nesta says shortly.

‍"Do you think you'll be assigned to her?"

‍"I..."

‍"You haven't been assigned yet. I mean, you're new, so that's not unusual, but since you don't live with us and you're only coming now we wondered if you were going to be assigned earlier."

‍Nesta raises an eyebrow. "We?"

‍The girl offers her a sheepish grin. "It's not every day we get someone new. We...the other girls and I...we were just a little curious."

‍"Hm."

‍"Well, do you think you want to be assigned to her? I'm Gwyenth Berdara, by the way, I'm another student here."

‍"Nesta."

‍"I know. You're the High Lady's sister and you slew the King of Hybern."

‍Nesta freezes slightly, for a moment. Then she says, "I didn't. I stabbed him."

‍"Oh," Gwyneth says, teal eyes widening. "Well...they call you kingslayer. Not kingstabber. It's a better nickname," she adds, when Nesta doesn't say anything. "As far as nicknames go. Mine's Gwyn, by the way. Or what everyone calls me. Not as suave as kingslayer, but what can you do?"

‍Gwyneth Berdara...talks more than Morrigan.

‍"Sorry," Gwyn says, laughing a little. "We're not supposed to overwhelm you. I just...wanted to talk to you."

‍"Were you told not to overwhelm me?" Were those Feyre's orders, she wonders.

‍"Just anyone new. But...some girls don't talk for weeks, and you've already come to a lecture on your second day. And you talked to Thalia for a long time yesterday."

‍"I hadn't realized I was being studied."

‍Gwyn laughs. "This library's smaller than you think. So, you liked the lecture? Do you think you'll come to the next one?"

‍"Probably." What else is there to do?

‍"I like Calliope's circuits. She's always doing something interesting, if you like books. Do you like books?"

‍"I do."

‍"Well. Then you'll probably like her circuits."

‍They are both silent for a few moments, before Nesta realizes it is probably her turn to initiate conversation. "How long have you been here?"

‍"Two years, about." She is quiet for a beat, before she adds, "Lord Azriel and Lady Morrigan brought me here."

‍Nesta blanches. She's never heard them referred to with their titles before.

‍"Do you like staying at the House of Wind?"

‍"I...it's all right. Yes," she decides. "I like it." Why not? It gave her a standing bath. It keeps the fireplaces empty and uses some other form of magic, she thinks, to heat her room.

‍"Oh," Gwyn says, and Nesta thinks she deflates a bit. "I thought you might prefer to stay in our dorms."

‍"I'm not very religious." That's polite. Nesta actively hates their god. Or whatever the cauldron is supposed to be. Demon, more like.

‍"Oh," Gwyn says, blinking in surprise. "Oh. Well. That's all right. If you...ever change your mind. And you want to stay in our dormitories, I could help you find a room."

‍"Thank you," Nesta says.

‍Again, they are both quiet. Perhaps neither of them has had a friendly conversation in a while.

‍With a jolt, Nesta realizes--this has been a friendly conversation.

‍Nesta tries to grasp at something to say, something friendly. Has she been friendly? Or has she been cold this entire time? No, if the girl has been talking to her all the while, she must have been friendly. It's not as though Nesta's never been friendly in her life. She's had friends before. Clare and Joyly and Heather. She knows how. Even if none of them had thought her a good enough friend to bother trying to talk to her after she had distanced herself, after Tomas, after Feyre--

‍"I have to be getting back to my priestess. We're researching dimensions and other worlds. But I'll see you, Nesta." With a small wave, Gwyn bounds away.

‍"See you," she calls after her.

‍That...that's good, isn't it? Probably something Elain and Feyre would be pleased to hear. Maybe she should tell them. Invite them up for dinner.

‍Or is it too pathetic? One cordial conversation isn't anything to write home about. But maybe they'd like to know she's doing better; pathetic as her version of better is.

‍I have never in my life thought you were pathetic.

‍Maybe...maybe she should.

‍She'll just write them a letter, she decides. No, that's too formal. But sending them up is too dramatic...but if they want to come see her--

‍Nesta pinches herself. Hard. Enough till she's only focussing on the pain, so these incessant, stupid thoughts are driven out of her head.

‍Just go back to shelving books, she tells herself. Just put away the books and don't think about anything else.

‍Her mind does stray, though, and she wonders if any of the minuscule steps she takes in the right direction are worth the spiralling she has to go through after.

Despite her echoing anxieties, her physical weakness, and sheer exhaustion of being herself, Nesta does manage to get through the weekend--Feyre does not visit, but she and Elain both send up letters, decorated with little paintings and pressed flowers--and to the weekly check-in on Sunday. She doesn't know what to expect, but Gwyneth Berdara is there in the large hall, where they all sit in a circle, and waves her over.

‍"Good morning," she says.

‍"Good morning," Nesta answers.

‍"First weekly check-in."

‍"Yes."

‍"You don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. I didn't for months. Ten months, actually."

‍She certainly does talk a lot now, though.

‍"I didn't realize there were so many females here," Nesta says, looking around. Dozens of girls...probably more than fifty, plus the twelve higher priestesses. Gwyn is the only one who doesn't wear the necklace on her forehead.

‍"A lot don't wander so much. Some don't come out of their rooms except for this."

‍"Oh," Nesta says. So it's...good, then. That she can still go places. Talk to people. Maybe she really isn't as hopeless as she thinks.

‍Not that these females are hopeless. That's not what she thinks. Oh, that's a horrible thing to think, especially after what they've been through--

‍"That's Merrill," Gwyn says, pointing at a senior priestess. "I'm assigned to her."

‍Carefully, Nesta says, "Maybe I'll be assigned to her, too."

‍"Ooh, you better hope not. Merrill's the worst." Gwyn shudders.

‍"What?" Nesta asks. "Aren't they all supposed to be nice?"

‍Gwyn scoffs. "Says who? Are you nice?"

‍"I...guess not," Nesta says. "But I'm not a senior priestess."

‍"All right, that wasn't nice," Gwyn admits. "Sorry. You're right. She should probably be nicer. She should definitely be nicer...and you're all right."

‍"I'm not nice." She has never been nice.

‍Gwyn shrugs. "Well, I like you anyway."

‍Nesta's heart stutters. "Er--why don't you ask Clotho to reassign you?" she asks, pulse pounding in her ears.

‍Gwyn crosses her arms. "I can stick it out."

‍Is that what she looks like, Nesta wonders, to other people?

‍She should tell her something. This Gwyn. Tell her to switch priestesses. Or...tell Merrill to be nicer. Or tell Clotho to tell Merrill to be nicer. Or maybe she can do it for her.

‍"Good morning, everyone," Thalia starts, and Nesta's eyes snap to her. "Let's begin, shall we?"

‍The weekly check-in is mercifully not as terrible as Nesta imagined. There's no announcement of her presence, though she can feel plenty of people stealing glances ("It's not every day we get a Lady of the court in here," Gwyn whispers to her. "Especially not the kingslayer."). Thalia announces changes in the schedule for the week, and one of the other senior priestesses gives a short lecture on her specialty, and then Thalia asks who'd like to begin the circle.

‍The circle, Nesta learns, is the worst of it. Everyone goes around in a circle and introduces themselves by name and says whatever they want. True to Thalia's word, though, no one has to talk, and no one says anything horrible. It's mostly banal, like I worked really hard on a paper last week or I sent my mother a letter and she still hasn't replied and I'm feeling anxious or I don't have anything to say today, but I hope everyone has a good week.

‍And then it is her turn, and who-knows-how-many pairs of eyes are locked on her and she just...can't. She can't. What are they thinking? Gwyn says they call her kingslayer, so they must know what happened.. Are they thinking about how she couldn't save her father? How she killed one thousand Illyrian soldiers? How about how she drowned herself in alcohol, how the mark of its loss is still clearly etched in the bruises under her eyes, the dullness of her hair, the sallowness of her skin. How ugly she is, how she never deserved anything better than that slew of nameless males who didn't care about her, how she just fails at everything she tries--

‍"My name is Gwyn. I had a good week."

‍The next girl speaks, and the eyes are--finally--off Nesta.

‍Gwyn touches her shoulder. "Don't worry about it," she says in a hushed voice. "At least you didn't cry."

‍Nesta manages a small smile. It might look more like a grimace, but Gwyn gives her a grin.

‍"It's really not half as embarrassing as you think," she whispers. "Everyone here is way more concerned with what others think of them...until you realize no one's thinking about that."

‍Maybe she's just saying that.

‍But...maybe she can just believe it. Just for now.

‍The weekly check-in ends, and the week passes by.

‍Nesta doesn't get assigned to a priestess, but she still--she thinks--makes progress. She may be making a friend, as Gwyn seeks her out a few more times. Sometimes just to say hello, sometimes to ask her if she wants to join her for a lecture or a session. She generally goes. She likes the jewellery making, finding that working with her hands keeps her focused enough that she can't think about herself. All the lectures, actually, Nesta finds interesting, as there's just so much she doesn't know about this world.

‍On Tuesday, she writes a letter to her sisters, telling them she's doing all right, and perhaps they can come visit over the weekend.

‍On Wednesday, she feels hungry and restless--hungry and restless. So she has two slices of bread with soup and she doesn't even feel sick, and she goes for a walk afterwards, on the track circling the outside of the House.

‍On Thursday, she brushes her hair in the morning, and almost none of it is ripped out with the brush. She makes Gwyn laugh with something she says about a lecture they disagreed on. Thalia tells her she thinks she has some ideas for coping mechanisms she wants her to try. She goes for another walk in the evening, even jogging a bit as the House hurries her along with flashing faelights.

‍"What is it?" she says, as she enters the door, gasping slightly. Goodness, she's never been so out of shape in her life. That was barely a run.

‍But the House isn't done yet, flashing more lights, leading her into her bedroom.

‍"Oh...do you...are we playing a game?"

‍The House swings her door--impatiently?--to get her inside, and when she is, it swings shut behind her and disappears into a wall.

‍"Hey!" Nesta says. "What are you--"

‍A tea cart appears in front of her. Nesta can smell the lemon and honey from the kettle as it rolls towards her. One of the armchairs pulls out.

‍"Are we having a tea party?" Nesta asks.

‍As if in answer, a book appears on the coffee table.

‍"Do you want me to read to you?" Nesta asks.

‍The curtains pull shut and her faelights flicker on.

‍"I'll take that as a yes," she says, and sits down to entertain the House. She gives a small huff of a laugh. "You had to finish my walk early, did you?"

There's no way around it: Cassian has never been more pathetic in his life than he is with this female.

‍Whether it's circling her estate, thinking of insults to throw at her, or circling her apartment, imagining himself tossing out the male with her that night and confessing everything to her, or circling the House to sneak a peek of her through one of the Windows...all right, so it's mostly all the same move. Gods, when had he become so predictable?

‍Pathetic, nonetheless.

‍The worst part of it is, he doesn't even try and convince himself to stop anymore. Not when Elain shrieks one morning and says Nesta's invited her and Feyre up for lunch on Saturday. Not when he sees her go out for a walk Wednesday evening--a walk, with a bit more meat on her bones, and a shine to her hair and--he might be too far to tell, but it looks like--life in her eyes.

‍Not joy. Not...excitement. Not even contentment. But life. And that's...so much more than what had been last week.

‍He wonders if it might've consoled her to know that he was just as miserable as she was. More so, even. Because he felt all the pain she did and he also felt his own pain of seeing her that way. Of knowing that fierce, cunning, determined, wildly brave, unnaturally beautiful female was...struggling. So, so hard.

‍Sleeping a level above her each night, and thinking only of her...and knowing she's not thinking of him. Of course not. It was stupid and selfish and stupid again, but...it's true.

‍And her getting better is not for him he tells himself, as he watches her go on a walk for a second evening in a row.

‍(Not that he's watching her. He's checking the wards. It's not as though he knew she'd be out. He didn't. It just happened.)

‍Not for you, he says to himself. Feyre had been clear. This is for checking the wards; to make sure she's safe. And the extra weight on her is not for him to better imagine holding onto something as he presses her against himself; it's so she's healthy. So she doesn't wither and waste away. She is not imagining a stroll through the Night Court botanical gardens with him right now; she's just getting fresh air.

‍Time to go. Wards are checked, alarms are set, so it's time to go.

‍He doesn't let himself steal another glance--not for you--as he turns to fly away.

‍He should go to the ends of the city. Shake this off him, put his head on straight. This is pathetic. This is just sad. Maybe he should go out with Mor. He did this for her, didn't she? For five hundred odd years. She can do this for him. Maybe he can even meet someone, just for a night, just a distraction--

‍But Nesta is all he sees when he closes his eyes. The beautiful woman she once was, the sickly female she is now, and guilt and revulsion rock him to his core at the very thought of someone else...

‍Pathetic, since she doesn't want him, and probably never will. No, not probably, just never.

‍Three clear bells ring out in the distance, and self-pity and misery snap out of Cassian as blinding fear takes their place.

‍The alarms.

‍Nesta.

‍He is on his way, flying faster than he ever has in his life, before he even registers it. And for the first time, he wishes he were like Rhys or Az and could winnow--prays one of them is already there, or both of them, to fight off whoever it is, to keep her safe--oh gods--oh, she's so scared, she's terrified, she's afraid for her life--and the priestesses--

‍Rhys and Az are already there, inside the House, and there are half a dozen. Illyrians. Illyrians.

‍So they were right. He hadn't wanted to believe it. Doesn't want to believe it. That they would ever...that they would dare...

‍Cassian can't think, just has to move, get them out, kill--

‍"No," Rhys snarls at him.

‍Dimly, Cassian knows why. They're plotting a rebellion. To take over their court, and to give Nesta over to their enemy. Direct attacks against the royal bloodline. They need to be interrogated. They can't be killed.

‍But they can't live. They're going to hurt Nesta; they can't be allowed to live.

‍INCAPACITATE, Rhys barks to his mind.

‍Fine. He will. But he doesn't have to make it clean.

‍He does it quick, though. Nesta's scared. She's probably hiding somewhere, scared for her life. He needs to do it quickly for her.

‍They're fair warriors, but no match for the three of them. It's not close to being a fair fight. It's only a few minutes before he and Az have knocked out the six of them--Az letting him do the brunt of it--and Rhys drags back another two who had gone off to find Nesta.

‍"Easy," Rhys snaps at him.

‍"Calm down or go," Az adds. "Nesta's in her room. She's safe."

‍"You'll scare her."

‍"I won't," Cassian says, growling.

‍Rhys unceremoniously drops the two Illyrians on the floor next to the six others. "Well, you've already destroyed her living room," he says drily, "and you're covered in blood."

‍"Not mine." Not enough.

‍"Calm down," Rhys says, and this time it's an order.

‍Cassian takes a deep breath. "She's in her room?"

‍"I can bring Feyre up--"

‍"Bring her, but I want to see her. She needs to see me." The words come out of their own accord, but neither of his brothers corrects him.

‍"We'll both go," Rhys says. "Az...take care of this."

‍Az nods once, and they go down the stairs.

‍Nesta's scent grows stronger as they descend. Not much fear that he can detect, though. None of the bitterness of adrenaline. Just that sweet, gutting floral, mixed with traces from books she's always buried in. And, he realizes pleasantly, no alcohol.

‍When they get to her floor, Nesta's bedroom door is missing. In place is a wall. Before he can hurl himself at it to break it down, it morphs back into a door, and Rhys is there, knocking, again before Cassian can move.

‍"Nesta?" he calls out. "It's safe."

‍Cassian can hear her shuffling around before she comes to open the door.

‍He fights to keep upright and still as her eyes meet his, widening more than he's ever seen.

‍"What happened to you?" she asks, voice stronger and clearer than he's heard in a long time. Beautiful, lyrical, even if she does sound appalled. "Did you come from a battlefield?"

‍"How did you get the door to change into a wall?" Rhys asks her. "That was clever. Was that your magic?"

‍Nesta blinks at him. "No...the House was playing a game."

‍"You play games with the House?" Cassian says softly.

‍She turns to him again.

‍Yes, look at me, look at me, look at me, Nesta Nesta Nesta--

‍"I...we're friendly." She tinges pink.

‍"You're friends with the House?" Rhys says, blankly.

‍She reddens still--yes.

‍"Why are you covered in blood?" she says again.

‍"You...don't know what happened?" Rhys asks carefully.

‍Nesta rolls her eyes--oh, gods, how he's missed seeing her irritated. Oh, maybe she'll turn red again. "Obviously not."

‍"The important thing to remember is that you're safe," Rhys says, his voice patient and gentle.

‍Nesta shoots him a sharp look, fully aware he's never taken that tone with her.

‍"What is it? What's happened?"

‍Oh, brilliant--now she's scared.

‍Cassian takes a step closer. "The House was breached," he says to her, and her face pales. "But that's what the alarms are for. They worked. And we all got here, and we've got them. Now we're going to figure out who else is working with them. We're going to keep you safe."

‍Nesta looks up. "I was safe. I am, I mean. The House...I didn't even hear anything. It just told me to come into my room and gave me some tea and asked me to read to it."

‍"It asked you to read to it?"

‍"I thought it was a game." Nesta moves past them, walking upstairs. She gasps slightly when she reaches the main floor and sees the state of the living room.

‍Cassian ignored the pointed look Rhys gives him. "I can clean it up." Thank the Mother Az has already gotten the eight of them out.

‍But the House already appears to be doing so itself. It even moves some furniture around, away from a wall that's been badly damaged.

‍Nesta sucks in a breath as she walks towards it and crouches down on the floor. "Oh...did they hurt you?" she says, quietly to...to the House. "I'm sorry. I...thank you for keeping me safe. I'll...I can fix this for you. I'll get you something to fix it." She puts her palm on the cracks and craters, as if stroking the hurt.

‍You will not, Cassian tells himself sternly, be jealous of a house.

‍Pathetic. Just...pathetic.

‍"Your sisters will want to see you," Rhys says. "Maybe you should spend the night at our home."

‍"No," Nesta says, not turning from the wall. "I'm staying here. Oh!" She leaps up, whipping around, face white again. "Is--are--the library, was it--"

‍"The library is fine," Rhys says smoothly. "The priestess are all fine. They wouldn't have even heard any of this."

‍Nesta breathes a sigh of relief. "All right," she says. "That's...that's good. All right."

‍"Are you sure you don't want to come down, Nesta?" Rhys asks, voice kind again.

‍"Yes," she says. "But Elain and Feyre can come up if they want to," she adds. "I'm all right, though. Really. I know I'm safe here." She touches the wall again.

‍Nevermind that it's he who's covered in blood, who fought them off for her. It's the walls she's grateful to, the walls she reads to and plays games with--

‍Shut up, idiot, shut up.

‍"We'll go bring them up, then. Unless...would you like one of us to stay with you?"

‍"I'm really fine."

‍"All right. Well...we'll be back in a few minutes."

‍Nesta nods and turns around to put her hands on the wall again, to talk to the House.

‍Rhys, the bastard, takes notes and gives him a grin as they step off the veranda and fly down to the riverfront manor together.

‍"I was jealous a lot before Feyre told me she loved me, but never--"

‍"Shut up," he snarls, and Rhys has the audacity to laugh.

‍He doesn't mind so much. Nesta's safe and...she's doing better and eating and going on walks and she has a friend.

‍Even if it is just a house.

[honeymoonjin]

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ot7 x reader || ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 12k || ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smut - rated 18+

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:

Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now!

Congratulations! You’ve been accepted as the Lady in the first season of The Gentlemen.

<- prev || masterlist || next ->

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: good god where to begin, loss of virginity : ) for real, big dick joon, cowgirl, unprotected sex, special appearance from namjoon’s sensitive neck o.o, premature ejaculation sorry bud, creampie, dom!joon still tho, sub!reader, sexting, dom!hoseok/master!hoseok, sub!jungkook, sub!reader agAIN, bondage and shibari, master/slave dynamics (sorry i have to spoil the prompt but want to properly TW this stuff, but the word slave is only used once out-of-scene), filmed sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, hoseok wearing the tear dior fit you are WELCOME, fingering, orgasm control/denial, oral (m receiving), anal (m receiving), a position i am told is called a lucky pierre/french sandwich, threesome in case you couldn’t guess, aftercare, guided masturbation, phone sex, pet-names, discipline/punishment

banner designer @jamaisjoons​ | thank you my darling SFHS babies ! i love you

DAY EIGHT

“Are you ready to make your decision?”

No. Of course the answer is no, but there’s no delaying it anymore. “Is it nine already?”

Sejin sighs, shuffling to the side of the table to indicate you’re to sit beside him. When you do, facing the boys on the couch, your heart gives another sickening lurch. Sejin squeezes your shoulder kindly. “Just a game, sweetheart,” he assures quietly, before raising his voice into the authorial tone he used for announcements. “Thank you for all being here on time, any on topic questions before we begin?”

Nobody answers, not even Jin. There’s a tense atmosphere, and you feel caught right in the centre of it.

“Okay, then,” he says softly, sensing the sullen atmosphere. “I’d like to give each of the Gentlemen a chance to explain why Y/n should keep them in the show. Let’s go around the room. Yoongi?”

To Sejin’s left, perched on the end of the three-person couch, is the doctor himself, legs crossed and face relaxed. “Um, Y/n should keep me in becau-”

“Say it to her,” Sejin guides, shuffling back to move out of the way.

Reflexively, Yoongi glances up at you, and the calm warmth of his eyes reassures you. “Y/n, I’d ask you to keep me in because we’ve had a good time together so far, but there’s so much that we have yet to explore. Beyond that, I’d like to think I’m a good fit for the house, and I’ll continue to assist Jin-hyung in cooking many meals.” Once he’s done, he sends you a small smile, eyes glinting playfully.

The younger boy sitting next to him is not as cheerful. Bottom lip red from gnawing, Jungkook tucks his feet up on the couch, resting his chin on his knees. His eyes meet yours after Sejin signals for him to begin. “I really hope you don’t vote me out because I like it here a lot. You’re so cool, and the hyungs are so cool, and I feel really happy here. I know we haven’t spent a whole lot of quality time yet, but I want to, if I stick around long enough.”

You bite down harshly on your tongue, sending him a strained smile. Fuck, this sucks. Beside Jungkook is Hoseok, who props his elbow on the arm of the couch, posture casual but face stricken.

“Y/n,” Hoseok begins, voice tentative and uncharacteristically subdued, “you’re a very intelligent girl and you have a lot of potential in being a sub. I’d appreciate the opportunity to stay in and show you and the audience how enjoyable BDSM can be. We’re all very lucky men to be on the show with you.”

On the couch beside, Namjoon is the next one around. He pauses, eyes dancing about the room as he thinks. “I think it probably doesn’t make much sense to keep me in the game,” he allows. “I’m not experienced like the others and so it’s a little hard to defend on that front, but I think me staying allows you the advantage of being my first and best experience. I feel like with just a bit more time, I’ll really grow into my element, and I feel safe doing it with you. So I really hope I stay.”

Squished beside him is Jin, who sends you a big grin, even if it doesn’t fully reach his eyes. “This is so shitty,” he says with a laugh, “it’s harder than I was prepared for before I came, and I think that’s due partly to the warm environment that we’re developing with each other, but also because you, Y/n, are a very genuine and lively person. Of course this is a game about sex, but I don’t think any one of us could say that’s the only factor here. As for me, I ask that you keep me in at least a week more because I can promise not only a good time, but also an ear if you need one, and advice should you ever want it.” He pauses to glance around the room. “That goes for all of you,” Jin adds, “I cannot believe that I don’t hate any of you, I don’t know how the producers found such great people.”

His words ease a bit of the tension, and the rest of you let out laughs of relief, your heart easing slightly.

Next, it’s down on the floor for Taehyung, who seems to prefer sitting cross-legged on the carpet to any other spot in the room. “I really wanna stay here,” he pleads with his eyes locked on yours, so earnest, “you’re so fantastic, and Jungkookie and the hyungs are all so fantastic, and I don’t wanna go home so soon. And also I think in terms of sex and stuff, I bring a lot to the table.” Taehyung avoids Sejin’s gaze, fiddling with the hem of his shirt innocently even as he stares up through his eyelashes at the rest of you cheekily. “I think we saw that yesterday. Though in the future, hopefully it’ll cost me less.” He sends a withering glare at Yoongi and Jin. “You assholes.”

You let out a chuckle, Jin huffing in response and Yoongi just shrugging with a shameless grin. Finally, it’s Jimin’s turn, and your chest pangs as you remember the last time you were together. The way he squeezed your hand gently before getting out of the car last night, the way he walked you to your bedroom door, wishing you sweet dreams. The way you saw an entirely different man to the one he’s been advertising.

His eyes on you are imploring even as his back is straight and legs crossed. “I value the time I spend with you. This is, after all, a game about sex so I’ll defend myself by saying you can rest assured I’m skilled enough to please you well, but if you allow me to stay,” he drops eye contact, fiddling with his rings even as he fights to remain poised, “I do hope it’s not the sex alone that keeps me here.” Like a switch is flicked, his momentary vulnerability vanishes, and he glances up and sends you a smile, warm and at-ease, having said his piece.

“And Y/n,” Sejin guides from beside you, his kind eyes on you, “anything to say to the guys?”

Your heart stutters in your chest. It’s been a week? Why is this so hard? “I- First of all, this decision has been insanely hard. You’re all amazing, not just in bed but as people, and I hope that whoever has to leave will still stay in touch. It feels really cruel that I have to say goodbye to someone so soon. The reality is, none of you did bad, and there’s nobody I don’t like; nobody that doesn’t belong here. I’ve made my decision, but- I don’t know. I’m not happy with it, but I don’t think I’d be happy with any decision. In the end, I guess I just went for the least painful option.” You take a deep breath, eyes lifting to look at Hoseok, who sends you a sad smile. You open your mouth-

“Wait!” Sejin interrupts loudly. Everyone turns to look at him in unison, eyes wide. “There-” He breaks off with a sigh, glancing at the camera closest to him before looking back down at the group. “Listen; this will be edited out, but ratings have been doing far better than we’d ever anticipated. We already hired a third editor to keep up with demand and get more episodes out than was on the schedule, and there’s talk we may even start getting sponsorships because the support has been creating headlines, at least on Twitter. The higher-ups at Bangasm, well… they want to make an exception.”

You furrow your brows. “What do you mean?”

“You’ll see,” Sejin answers. “Act surprised.” The eight of you stare at him with varying degrees of bewilderment as he puffs his chest and carries his voice louder, switching back into producer mode. “Wait!” he repeats in the same tone as earlier. “The production team hasn’t been completely honest with you. This isn’t just a basic game with prompts each week like we told you. There will be a special advantage, a wildcard if you wish, that changes things up. They could affect the prompts, or how the game proceeds for that week. We call them Bangasm Bombs. And while we didn’t tell you, our production team has drawn the Bangasm Bomb for Week One.”

Sejin pauses to look at you all meaningfully. Jimin picks up the hint. “So; what’s the ‘Bangasm Bomb’ for this week?” he asks for you, gesturing quote marks with his fingers. 

Your mind is starting to whir, possibilities beginning to percolate in your mind, but you aren’t prepared for what Sejin says next.

“Nobody goes home this week.” 

Your mouth drops open, eyes darting around the room to see the open disbelief on the guys’ faces. “So I- I don’t have to send anyone home today?”

“No,” Sejin answers warmly, and you feel your shoulders sag in relief, a breath rushing out you didn’t know you were holding. Sejin winces, clearing his throat lightly. “That’s… the other thing.”

“Other thing?” Yoongi asks incredulously. “There’s more?”

“With the success of the show comes other benefits. For example; the CEO and treasurer of Bangasm have agreed to double our funding if we can keep the views up. No, Seokjin,” Sejin quips the second the eldest contestant raises his hand. Jin puts his hand down, lips pursed in a pout. “We’re changing the rules a bit. Before, we said if Y/n eliminated you, you’d pack your bags and leave. Now; you stay.”

Sejin can’t get another word out over the clamour that arises, everyone shocked and excited and confused all at once. He waves his hand for silence, and only after a minute or so everyone calms down. 

“So, there’s just no eliminating?” Jungkook asks with a comically quizzical look on his face.

“Please just let me explain,” Sejin requests, sighing. “Yes, there will still be eliminations. But if you get eliminated, you stay in the house.”

“So it’s a free pass,” Jungkook surmises.

“Not quite. No longer will you not be competing in the game, but you won’t be able to have sex with or sexually touch Y/n in any way. If you do, then you’ll be sent out of the house for good.”

“No sex with Y/n?” Taehyung asks meaningfully. “So… otherwise…?”

Sejin sighs, a tired laugh falling from his lips. “Just no sex with Y/n,” he confirms. “If you touch Y/n sexually, you go home. If Y/n touches you, of course we can’t send her home, so we’ve devised a punishment.” 

At the word punishment your head darts up to stare at the producer, but Hoseok beats you to the punch. “She’s gonna come join us in the bunkroom?”

“That’s for failing prompts, Hobi-hyung,” Namjoon points out, “Y/n doesn’t have any prompts.”

“Correct,” Sejin confirms. “If Y/n touches an eliminated member in a sexual manner, then that member gets to choose what she wears for the next 24 hours.”

You frown. “That doesn’t sound so…” you trail off when you glance up, only to be met with seven hungry sets of eyes. You can just about see the cogs turning in their brains as they stare at your body. “Ah.”

“Yes. So stick to the rules, and you get, as Jungkook so elegantly put, a free pass minus Y/n. Got it?”

The eight of you stay silent, still shell-shocked from the two revelations. This changed things. Now, when you voted someone off, they would get to stay, but they would get to stay. You can see both the positive and negative possibilities there, and it’s no surprise that a reality show would have such a sneaky plot twist.

So you’d have all seven fucking you for one more week, and then all seven every week in the future, only with your sexual prospects dropping as you went. It does ensure that you’ll begin voting for them purely based on sexual performance; considering their personalities in the house wasn’t an issue if you’d have those anyway. 

As you glance around the room, you can’t help but wonder if your vote would’ve been different had you known that he’d get to stay. And you wonder if you’ll end up picking the same person in a week’s time, after a new set of prompts. The thought makes you sit up, turning to Sejin again.

“Will the boys draw their new prompts, then?” you ask. “Do I get to know the theme again?”

“Ah, of course-” Sejin breaks off to sit up, retrieving a stack of slightly crumpled papers from his back pocket. “This week’s theme is dynamics and roleplay. Come pick a card.”

Like last week, you pay close attention to the reactions of each of the seven. Namjoon blinks wide at his, but doesn’t seem as put off as last week, and his eyes go distant when he sits back down, like he’s already picturing it. Jimin takes two, one for him at one for Taehyung, and the two compare, Taehyung laughing at Jimin’s and Jimin smirking at Taehyung’s, brushing his clean-shaven cheek with the back of his knuckles and murmuring something in his ear. 

When Jin gets his, he bites his tongue and shakes his head with a light laugh, and Yoongi’s mouth drops open upon reading his card, eyes darkening with lust. Jungkook winces at first, but thinks on it a moment longer and grins eagerly, taking a second glance and scrunching his nose cutely at it. Hoseok takes his last, calmly reading it with a pleased smirk, sliding it into his front pocket and taking a seat.

Your breath leaves you in a slow stream. You’re back to the not-knowing. Dynamics and roleplay. It could really be anything, you supposed. Naughty schoolgirl, pizza delivery guy. You didn’t watch a lot of porn but you vaguely knew some of the tropes, and it’ll be a rather interesting week indeed.

“That’s not all, of course,” Sejin adds, and you feel like your brain could implode with the information dump that this morning has been. “Would you like to hear the Bangasm Bomb for Week 2?”

“We find out now?” Hoseok questions. “Not at the end?”

“Well, in order to fulfil it you need to know now,” the producer explains. “This week, Y/n may not sleep in her own bed, and she may not sleep in the same bed twice.”

You blink, not expecting it to be directed at you. “I what?” Your mind catches up with the rule, and you let out a light laugh. “So, I’ll have to share with the other guys?”

"Let's not forget the type of show we're on," Yoongi points out, leveling an impressed stare at the producer. "Well-played."

"Thank you," Sejin replies shortly. "Now, that'll be all. Just a reminder, if your scene isn't filmed, it doesn't count, and it's okay if Y/n guesses the prompt, but if you tell her directly then your prompt is void. Seokjin; we ordered you a set of chef's knives that should be here later today. Please stop spamming the company's inquiries email."

He's out of the room before Jin can even react, open-mouthed but smug like the cat that got the cream.

The eight of you sit in silence for a moment or two, still reeling. It's Hoseok in the end that recovers first.

"So we all stay," he muses. "Even if we get voted off, we stay. Why is that both a blessing and a curse?"

"This is reality TV," Jimin points out calmly, "and it's porn on top of it. Tension and drama skyrockets ratings. Well; I'm going to make some coffees if anyone wants one."

Most of the group move back into the kitchen, rifling through cabinets like zombies to make their breakfasts, but Namjoon approaches you hesitantly, biting on his lip.

"Y/n, can I talk to you? Privately?"

You stand up off the coffee table, though still you're lifting your chin to meet his gaze. "Sure," you reply easily, "privately or privately privately?"

"Um," he hesitates, glancing towards the entrance foyer, where across the hall lies the unfilmed rec room. "Just privately is fine for now."

Everyone else distracted with the prospect of food and hot coffee, it's easy enough to just sit on the stairs, side-by-side and thighs touching. Like this, you become aware of how much bigger he is than you. Namjoon's legs sprawl out down to the bottom of the stairs, socked feet slipping slightly on the glossy stone floor, whereas yours are tucked on the step below you. He glances down at you with a nervous disposition, but his eyes are surprisingly steady.

"Hoseok-hyung and I slept in the bunk bed room last night, as you probably know," he explains. "Him and I talked a lot. About a bunch of things, but he helped me realise something. And after I got the prompt today, I was sure."

Your eyes widen as they watch him carefully. The roots of his purple are starting to grow out in a soft brunette that makes him look even younger, his face round yet gently sculpted, chin pressed out in solemnity. "Sure of what?" you question quietly.

Namjoon takes a slow breath, rubbing his palms over his knees. "I think it's better if I don't lose my virginity while doing some cheesy role-play for a porn show, you know? I know I chose to come here knowing what I was walking into, but... Hoseok suggested maybe we could use the rec room for some privacy and then I could just fill my prompt later in the week. Of course, the producers will probably get annoyed at me not losing my virginity on camera, but they never said I had to, and I think I want it to be something just for me, you know? Something that's just you and me, outside of the show. I understand if you don't want to do that, but if you're happy to, I think I'm ready now."

You take a few moments to fully process his words, the gravity of them. "You sure you're ready? If you are, I'm happy to do that, Joonie. I want it to be good for you. You deserve that."

He smiles at that, broadly, but with his head ducked down. "That means a lot," he admits, "but yeah. I'm ready. If you want to...?" He trails off, tipping his head in the direction of the private rec room.

You sit up straight. "Oh! You mean- now now? Yes, I can do that, wow, okay-"

"If that's alright?" he asks hastily, face pinched with worry, but you just stand up, holding out a hand to him. He takes it, letting you lead him to the door.

From the few times you've needed to use this room, it's been pretty empty. It's small; most likely originally intended as extra storage or a home office, and the producers had put a visibly second-hand couch on one wall, a skinny coffee table and a lamp in there.

Generally, it's a glorified staffroom of sorts, a time-out that's more valuable for its lack of cameras than anything actually inside. Today, though, you freeze in the hallway at the sight that greets you.

With the table pushed to one side, boasting two bottles of water, a box of tissues, a bottle of self-heating lube and a small bluetooth speaker, the rest of the room has been converted into a massive bed.

The floor is covered with blankets, sheets and duvets, thick enough to be like a bedroll, with pillows stacked on the edges. They cover most of the floor, roughly the size of a queen size bed. On top of the impressive set-up are a colourful variety of packaged condoms, arranged in a tasteful love-heart.

Namjoon groans at the display, pinching his brow. "Hoseok said he'd set up for me and make it a little more comfortable, I'm sorry."

"It's cute," you say with a laugh, "are you wanting to use condoms?"

Namjoon swallows. "Uh, you- what would you prefer?"

You shrug, collecting them up and flicking through the buffet of options. You chuckle as the majority are L and XL. Unsurprising. "I mean, we don't need one. So if you want to feel everything fully, I say go bare."

"G-go bare, please," he coughs out awkwardly, shutting and locking the door behind him, double-checking the handle. "Can we put some music on? It's really quiet in here."

"Of course." You busy yourself with the music, smiling at the fact that he must have appreciated it last time. By the time you select a nice playlist on your phone and pick a decent volume, Namjoon's surprised you by hastily stripping down to his underwear, shyly rubbing at his knees.

You stand stock-still for a moment, just taking in the gorgeous sight of his body, all understated muscle and bold lines and planes. He must do some form of exercise, because his chest is thick, as are his thighs, and his lower stomach is soft but lean. He's gorgeous, and between your legs you feel your excitement grow.

Hustling to strip your clothes off as a gentle guitar strumming fills the air, you feel the cool cotton of the duvet under your knees as you straddle Namjoon, the man sucking in a breath as your clothed pussy presses flush against his hardness.

"Give me a kiss," you ask softly, a suggestion to let him take control, and a sigh of relief leaves his lungs as he cups your face in his hands, tugging your lips onto his greedily.

The ferocity with which he kisses you takes your breath away. It's powerful, greedy and demanding like he's waited an eon to kiss you again. While he was surprisingly skilful the first time, now it feels like he's come into his own.

You make a noise of surprise in the back of your throat as you feel his tongue slipping between your lips, licking up into your mouth like he's trying to devour you. You're drunk on it, mind feeling hazy, but you manage to pull away for a moment, gasping out a, "how the hell did you get this good?"

Grunting, Namjoon's eyes flutter open and one of his hands slips back to cup the nape of your neck securely, preventing you from backing up further. "Hoseok gave me some tips," he admits. "Now get back here."

You let yourself be pulled in again and eaten alive, muffled groans and sighs of bliss slipping out between swipes of tongue and flashes of teeth, nipping at your bottom lip until it's swollen and aching in the best way.

Without realising, you've begin to grind your hips against him, needing friction, and he pants into your mouth at the feeling. The pleasure makes him sloppy, and you groan as his lips leave yours, veering down to kiss along your jawline, tugging on your earlobe before sucking blossoms of colour down your throat. You tip your head back, arching into his mouth and rocking your hips against him, the friction addictive.

"Gonna fuck you now," you hear him groan against your collarbone, lips on your skin that's slick from his spit. Even in your heightened state of arousal you can sense the slight question in his voice, like he's checking you're still okay with it.

More than okay, you glance down to see the point that joins you, your panties so wet that the grey of his boxers is marred by a dark spot, wet and clinging to the stiff outline of his cock. You curse lowly at the sight of it. "Fuck, please, I need you, Joonie."

He lets out a strangled sigh, hands trembling slightly as he pushes down the waistband of his boxers so that it rests below his balls, cock bobbing up to rest at his stomach. He swallows hard, eyes closed and back resting against the base of the couch. The sheets beneath you have heated up with your body temperature, arousal radiating off the two of you in waves. 

When you first reach out to touch him, you keep your eyes on his face, on his reaction. The initial contact makes his brow twitch, eyes clenching shut. So thick your fingers don’t touch around him when you grasp his base, he’s definitely the biggest you’ve seen in the house; a touch of irony that the least experienced member had the biggest genetic advantage. His bottom lip finds his way tucked between his teeth, thighs tensing beneath you. 

“Joonie,” you mumble in a mock pout, “are you gonna fuck me now or so I have to do all the work myself?”

His eyes fly open, gaze landing on your widened eyes of innocence, before darting down to where you’re gently stroking him, fingertips catching on the sensitive ridge beneath his head. “Hobi-hyung said you should ride me so you can get used to it.”

You chuckle, tapping your thumb over his weeping slit, making him hiss. “Let’s stop thinking about what Hobi said and start worrying about what you want. Do you want me to ride you? Feel how tight I am for you?”

He curses, brows knitting as he nods shakily, and you can’t hold yourself back any longer. With a low curl of thrill in your stomach, you sit up so you can quickly slip off your panties, before straddling him again. He feels heavy when you brush his length through your sodden folds, readying him for you, and the thought makes you groan lowly. 

“Wanted you so bad,” you confess over the music in the background, now a simple drum beat that gives you rhythm as you grind your hips over him, letting his blunt head catch at your entrance. “Fuck.” His fingers are digging into your hips just with the feeling of your pussy clenching over his tip, and you lower yourself painfully slowly, adjusting to the way he stretches you to your limit, dragging inch by inch against your walls. 

“H-oh god, it is, it’s so tight,” he comments with a hitch in his voice, and again you feel the muscles of his thighs twitch, like he’s fighting the urge to bury himself in you. Though the thought of it is hot, you’re merciful that he’s giving you time to grow accustomed to the sheer girth of his dick inside you. 

“Does it feel good, Joonie?” you ask, the question panted as he takes your breath away, grinning at the quick stuttered nods he gives in reply, fingers flexing on the flesh of your hips and ass. By the time you’re sitting flush against his lap, you can barely breathe, a shaky hand pressing onto your stomach almost expecting to feel him bulging out of you from the inside. He’s not just the biggest on the show, but the biggest you’ve ever had, and you feel like you could cum just from rolling your hips against him. 

“You feel so amazing, Y/n,” he praises, arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you in close so that he can press his lips to yours. You whine as he shifts in you, feeling shakier than ever, but appreciate the chance to adjust to him, tongue chasing his and fingers slipping into his hair as you kiss. 

You’re content to stay like that for as long as he continues to move his mouth against you, mouth watering at the feeling of cockwarming him and joining your bodies so intimately, but the excitement of new sensation gets to him, and after a while he begins to shift, holding your hips down and grinding his hips.

Your jaw drops open, hands flying out to grip at his shoulders at the feeling. He’s so deep you can barely comprehend it, can barely think with his cock filling you so completely, and find yourself pleading quietly, an unintelligible babble of more, please more, need more. He shifts his posture as you sit on his length, uncrossing his legs and instead bracing them in front of him. 

“Want me to fuck you like this?” he asks, nipping at your throat, and you shiver at the husky gravel of his tone. What happened to the shy virgin? 

“Please, Joonie,” you gasp, clenching around him, “need you to move.”

His first thrust takes your breath away, punching the air out of your lungs. When he moves inside you it feels monumental, like a core piece of you shifting, and your eyes water with the delicious burn. You whine when he pauses for a moment, hands slipping down to knead at your ass. Namjoon’s eyes are like molten dark chocolate as they focus on you, rich and intense, and when your head tips down to kiss him again it’s so needy your teeth clash, the keening whimper in your throat sign enough that you want more. 

It’s only once he begins to fuck you in earnest, bouncing you on his cock, that you see how truly affected he is. Strands of lilac cling to his temples as he sweats, chest heaving and hands trembling even as his fingers dig in hungrily. His lips are slick with spit, but he makes no move to wipe them clean, just biting onto his bottom lip and sucking, hips snapping up with bruising momentum. 

You can’t catch your breath, but still you chase his lips like oxygen, needing to be as close as possible. His panting keeps you anchored as you moan shamelessly, toes curling and back arching. Your high approaches quickly enough that it shocks you, but there’s no escaping the pleasure that rushes through you with every snap of his hips. 

You lose contact with his mouth, cheek resting limply on his shoulder as he speeds up his pace, the muscles in your legs failing you, twitching uncontrollably. 

“No, no, no, fuck,” Namjoon chants lowly, and you feel a hand bury in your hair, holding you to the crook of his neck, “I’m sorry, I’m not gonna last.”

You moan at that, feeling him stiffen impossibly more inside you with every thrust. “Wan’ you to cum,” you promise in his ear, barely more than a gasped breath, “wanna cum with you.” To end the statement, you nuzzle your nose against his throat and nip at his pulse point. To your surprise, he shudders violently, suddenly going stock still.

Your eyes widen as hot ropes of cum fill you, Namjoon clutching you to him helplessly, groaning nonsense as his orgasm hits him out of nowhere. Your own high recedes, but you barely notice it as you sit up tiredly and clench around him, watching the pleasure flicker across his face as he rides the high. 

“Fuck,” he breathes, eyes cast towards the ceiling and chest still heaving, “I’m so sorry, I… sensitive neck.”

You grin, running your hands up to gently brush over it, feeling him pulse inside you, spurting the final drops of cum from his spent cock. “Don’t apologise,” you assure, leaning in quickly to nibble at his lips and give him a lazy, indulgent kiss. “That was really fucking hot.”

He laughs, cheeks pinkening slightly, and you feel your heart warm at the return of the shy Namjoon you’d gotten used to. So he’s a lot more dominant and confident in the heat of the moment, you muse as he catches his breath, good to know.

When you find your strength again, slowly sitting up off him, you wince at the rush of cum leaving you, and the uncomfortable feeling of emptiness. That’s only exacerbated by the fact that you haven’t cum yet, but it’s his first time and you don’t want him to feel bad. Collapsing on the sheets beside him, you rest your head on his shoulder, breath still coming in shallow pants. “Good?”

“Good god, Y/n,” he exclaims earnestly, “I think I might be a sex addict now.” 

A surprised peal of laughter leaves your lungs, and you shove him playfully before crawling over to the coffee table, cracking open a bottle of water and cleaning yourself up with the available tissues. “Hoseok really did think this through, huh?” you muse, chucking him the box once you’re done.

Namjoon clears up the cum on his cock and thighs, grimacing at the way some of it has stained his boxers, but he sends you a guilty look. “I’m sorry.”

You frown, reaching for your clothes. “What do you mean?”

“You didn’t-”

Whatever Namjoon is about to say is cut off by a sudden thud that gives you both a fright, followed by three polite albeit enthusiastic knocks. You stare in bewilderment at the door, before hastily dressing yourself.

“Is everything alright?” Namjoon calls out, putting his underwear back on properly and hopping into his pants. “Has something happened?”

“I should hope so, young grasshopper!” an enthusiastic voice chirps from the other side of the door, muffled but unmistakably Hoseok. “You’ve popped your cherry, Kim Namjoon!”

The academic winces, reaching out to unlock the door once he’s made sure the two of you are dressed. “Hoseok, what are you doing? Wha-?” He breaks off once he opens the door, and you rush around behind him to see what gave him pause. 

In the foyer are Hoseok, Taehyung and Jin, all in matching paper birthday hats, the strings of thin elastic digging into their chins. Hoseok’s holding two more in his hands, and he thrusts them towards you as Taehyung wiggles the weighty bottle of champagne in his grasp. Behind them, Jin calmly holds a kitchen knife.

“What’s going on?” you ask in bewilderment, stepping out into the foyer and wincing at the ache between your legs with each step. “Why the fuck are you holding a knife?”

Jin, his bright blue party hat on at a jaunty angle, stares down at his hands blankly before gasping, tucking it behind his back. “Sometimes I forget I’m still holding it.”

“That’s extremely alarming,” Namjoon says with a frown. “I still don’t understand why you’re all gathered outside the door.”

“It’s time for the party, hyung,” Taehyung explains, “to celebrate you finally getting your dick wet.”

Your cheeks go flaming red as you glance at Namjoon, the poor man spluttering and eyes wide like he didn’t know what to do. “If there’s champagne, I’m there,” you announce calmly. “Come on, Joonie, let’s go celebrate.”

Namjoon visibly relaxes when you aren’t offended, flicking you a warm smile. “Is everyone wearing a hat?” he questions incredulously, taking the thin cone card. 

“Mo-mostly everyone,” Hoseok answers suspiciously. 

“It’s just you guys, isn’t it?”

“Well, if you both wore one, we’d have the majority.”

You grin, patting Hoseok on the shoulder as you walk past him into the foyer. “Let’s just go,” you call out to the guys behind you, “there better be food.”

As expected, the three that greeted you were the only ones wearing party hats. At the dining table, which has been laden with aromatic dishes, steaming rice and empty champagne flutes, the other three await. Jimin’s is resting beside his plate and chopsticks, untouched. Beside him, Yoongi has his upside down, using it as a bowl for the rice snacks he’s munching happily on. The youngest man in the house hasn’t even noticed you’ve arrived, using it like a very inefficient telescope, one eye scrunched shut and the other focused on the pinhole at the top of the cone. Sitting at the head of the table, he aims it at Jimin, mouth hanging open as he tries to see through the tiny gap.

Giving up, he waves the wide end around the room, desperate to catch a glimpse of something. Once the cone lands on the five of you, he gasps, chucking down the party hat. “You’re back! I didn’t start eating the cake, like you said!” 

Jin frowns. “That sounds awfully suspicious.” Knife still in hand, he makes his way to the kitchen island, where you catch a glimpse of a beautifully iced cake with writing on the top that you’re too far away to read. 

Jungkook shifts restlessly in his seat, staring worriedly at Jin. “The- um, the birds attacked it.” If you look closely, you think you can see the slightest hint of vanilla icing in the crook of his mouth. 

Jin stares at the cake desolately. “The birds?” he deadpans.

“Seagulls, you know,” Jungkook tries to pass off casually, the pink of his tongue dashing out to lick the sugar off his lips. “Absolute vultures.”

Hoseok tsks in disappointment. “Was it seagulls or was it vultures?”

Jungkook stays silent an inexplicably long amount of time, glancing slowly between Hoseok and Jin. His eyes are wide like he’s trying to work out the lie in his head “...It was me.” 

Jin’s fingers are pressed to his temple as he sighs. “Right.” Setting down the knife, he picks up the cake and brings it to the table, placing it in the middle of the table. The rest of you all take a seat, filling in the spaces around the table. Taehyung slips in beside Jimin, Hoseok at the end of the table opposite Jungkook, and finally Jin, Namjoon, and you take the last of the seats. 

The cake is beautiful, neat and fluffy buttercream all over with swooping cursive written in a thin black stream. Unfortunately, a very delicate but obvious slice has been taken out so you have to focus to work out what the writing says. Once you do, you let out a reluctant chuckle, watching Namjoon blush once more, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his shirt shyly.

“‘Here lies Namjoon’s virginity,’” you recite, “‘1994-2020.’ Who came up with that?”

“That’s not impor-” Jin begins, but Taehyung swiftly cuts him off.

“I did!” he declares proudly. “Everyone agreed mine was funnier than Jin-hyung’s.”

“Obviously not everyone,” Jin replies bitterly, dishing himself up some of the rice closest to him. “Dig in, everyone, Yoongi and I worked hard on this. And congratulations Namjoon,” he adds, though he sends Namjoon a genuine smile, eyes twinkling. 

After everyone says their congratulations, the food is dug into and the cork of the bottle is popped, conversation flowing like the champagne. 

Over time, Namjoon seems to get used to the chatter about sex, perhaps not feeling so left out of the loop, and his face is more open and relaxed than ever, a dimple poking out when he smiles. You occasionally reach out to shove him playfully or squeeze his arm as the chatter continues, and he no longer freezes or stiffens up. It warms your heart that he feels a little more comfortable amongst you.

You’re happy to tuck into your meal, having worked up an appetite for lunch, but it’s barely more than a second after finishing your first helping that your phone buzzes. 

You slip it out casually, frowning when you see it’s a notification that you’ve been added to a group-chat. 

After that, you smother a scoff and slip your phone back into your pocket, hoping if your cheeks are red they can safely be attributed to the alcohol.

Glancing up, you see Jungkook stand up suddenly, eyes wide with barely-contained excitement as he picks up his bowl, chopsticks and champagne flute, scurrying over to dump them in the sink before disappearing upstairs. Yoongi stares at his empty seat in confusion, but shrugs and takes another mouthful of cake. You eat yours quickly enough that your stomach flips, or perhaps that’s just the anticipation.

After you’re done it takes you a few moments to build up the courage to look across to Hoseok, feeling his gaze hot on your skin. When you do, your eyes lock immediately, but he just continues to stare, lips pressed in a narrow line. 

Your heart leaps for a moment, wondering what that hard gaze means for you later on. Silently, as Taehyung continues to explain something to him with a mouth half-full of food, Hoseok lifts his eyebrow once, gaze darting to the roof. The message is clear. Go upstairs.

Biting your lip, you let Namjoon know you’re heading up, waving off his concern until he’s pulled back into a thread of conversation. You try to ignore the uncertain adrenaline rush that makes your hands tremble and your core throb all the way upstairs, until you’re knocking on Jungkook’s door.

The two of you share a look once he opens the door, one of anticipation and desire, and you let out a breathy chuckle. 

“What the fuck have we gotten ourselves into?” you ask rhetorically, stepping in and collapsing onto the bed. 

“I’ll take it if it means getting a good fuck,” he states matter-of-factly, sitting himself beside you and tucking his legs up. “Besides; I’ve wanted to see Hobi-hyung in action for a while.” 

Sitting up, you think back to that day in the confessional booth, where he had so easily made you fall apart without even taking a single item of clothing off. You wondered if he’d deprive you of his body tonight as well. 

“I think he’s angry at me,” you admit, “before I left, he looked… intense.” 

“Why would he be angry at you?” Jungkook asks with a frown, his hand slipping under the baggy fabric of his black tee, rubbing at his shoulder like he’s aching to take the item off. 

You go to shrug, but then your mind flicks back to this morning. “The elimination,” you realise, dread rising in your stomach just as much as your arousal is. “I think he knows I was going to eliminate him.” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen, round enough to be saucers. “Wait, really? Why him?”

You find the words dry up in your throat. “I- God, I don’t know. How am I meant to choose anyone when you’re all amazing? Maybe his had the least impact on me, I suppose.” You eye the door to the walkway warily. “I guess he’s determined to change that now.” 

Instead of replying, you’re taken aback when Jungkook throws his arms around you in a tight hug, his long hair brushing at your neck and shoulder as he tucks his chin into the hollow of your collarbone. Hesitantly, you bring your own arms up to hug him back, feeling your tension melt in the warm embrace.

“It must be so hard,” he murmurs, “I don’t think Hobi-hyung is really mad, you know? He probably just feels like he wasn’t good enough for you and wants to prove himself.” 

This thought just sends another spike of guilt through you, but you have no time to dwell on it before the door is clicking open, making you and Jungkook instinctively jump apart. 

Hoseok stands there, as intimidating as last time in all-black. Though he’s wearing just socks instead of the heavy duty boots he was in that day, there’s no denying the power he holds in the clothes he wears like armour. Leather pants so snug they’re like a second skin and a black long-sleeved shirt, tight but breathable cotton with a harness of thin leather straps providing some structure. His raven hair is swept back, but just a single stray lock hangs low over his brow, drawing your eyes back to his. “Starting without me?” he questions lightly, though his face is devoid of humour.

You swallow hard. “No… Master,” you add, seeing the expectant look on his face. Once he steps further into the room, you notice the black bag that was previously hidden behind his back. The duffel bag from last time. You suck in a breath and clench your thighs before you can even think to stop yourself, and Hoseok’s positively gleam at the sound. 

“Both of you have been very naughty today,” he explains, dumping the bag on the bed beside Jungkook, beginning to casually pull a heap of bright red nylon rope out. “Little Jungkookie ate the cake that Jin-hyung worked so hard on, even when he was specifically asked not to. And Y/n… Y/n knows exactly what she did.” Your eyes widen when Hoseok sets the multiple lengths of rope to one side in a neat folded coil and reaches back into the bag to produce a pair of wide, heavy-duty shears.

“Woah, hyung,” Jungkook exclaims in alarm, “I can apologise for the cake, I-”

“Settle, Jungkook, it’s okay,” Hoseok explains softly. “I told you we’re gonna be tying you up, yeah? This is so that we can cut the ropes quickly in case you want out. They aren’t part of the scene.”

You feel a thrill run through your veins at the gentle click of metal resting on the nightstand once Hoseok sets the scissors down. He hadn’t needed them for when your arms were tied. It meant that whatever you were going to do tonight would be more intense. The thought of everyone else downstairs having a good time and hanging out while you and Jungkook were up here getting bound by Hoseok… it somehow feels even more illicit and dirty. 

“Let’s do Jungkookie first, hm?” the dom proposes. “I’ve been wanting to see what you’d look like all prettied up for me. Choose red just for you.” 

Jungkook positively preens at the compliment, hands tucking into his lap and chest puffing out. “I’m excited, Master!”

Hoseok gestures for Jungkook to remove his clothes with a flat expression. “Don’t be,” he retorts calmly, “this isn’t a reward, it’s discipline. We’re going to learn a lesson about behaving.”

The camboy trembles, hastily shucking off his baggy shirt and pushing his sweatpants down, naked except for a pair of white socks. Your breath is taken away by how easily he bares himself to the cameras and to the two of you, eyes eager and nervous as Hoseok picks up one of the longer lengths of rope.

“I want you to kneel, Jungkookie,” Hoseok instructs, “kneel on the bed for me, arms at your sides.” 

Jungkook obeys, breath hitching as Hoseok approaches, passing the coil over his palm. You watch with baited breath as a bright red strand of rope is run around his narrow waist. As the professional dom begins looping, knotting and wrapping the rope around Jungkook’s torso, the boy’s eyes grow lidded, cock twitching as it rests back against his lower abdomen. 

It takes a while, but time is as smooth as velvet in the soft silence of the room, just gentle breaths and the whir of nylon rope sliding so beautifully along Jungkook’s skin. 

By the time Hoseok is done, Jungkook’s eyes barely open, so content with the feeling of being patiently wrapped up, and he hums lightly as Hoseok rechecks the tightness of each loop, slipping two fingers between rope and skin in several places. 

Rather than bondage or restraint, this looks like art. An elaborate harness of red contrasts beautifully against the pale golden flesh below, hardness of his chest and abs softened by the vaguely fishnet pattern, loops that interlock and curve across his body gracefully, the most careful and precise lattice of scarlet ropes.

“Pretty, isn’t he?” Hoseok questions, and a finger comes down to run through the glossy precum that has been smeared onto Jungkook’s lower stomach. The boy hisses, arching his hips up in search of contact, but all it takes is a sharp swat at the head of his cock and Jungkook is whining, thighs flexing with the force of keeping still. “Patience, my little prince,” Hoseok tuts, patting Jungkook’s cheek with a hand still wet with the camboy’s own precum, “we’re gonna teach you how to be patient today.”

Jungkook groans low in his throat, lips parting at the term of endearment, and Hoseok grins at it, tiger-like. 

“Oh, do you like that, hm? Wanna be my special prince today?” Hoseok runs his fingers through Jungkook’s long hair, the camboy sucking in a sharp breath when they snag on some knots. Jungkook nods, eyes round and glittering as he looks up at his Master. Hoseok pouts, tapping him once on the end of his button nose. “It’s a shame you weren’t behaving today, then wasn’t it? Maybe if you’re good for me tonight, you can earn it.”

Jungkook’s brows lift pleadingly, looking so small under Hoseok’s harsh stare. “I’ll be good, though, Master.”

“Mm, I’m sure you will,” Hoseok confirms, swiping a thumb over Jungkook’s nipple to make him shiver, before he fixes an iron gaze onto you.

You swallow, slipping out of your clothes as quickly as you can once he gives the same gesture as before, crossing your legs and arms to try and preserve some dignity. Hoseok just tuts, picking up two of the remaining sections of nylon rope, only one still left waiting on the bed. 

“Hands at your sides, kneeling,” he instructs sharply, and you feel the way your walls clench at the authority in his voice as you hustle to get into position. 

The harness he puts you in is different to Jungkook’s, accentuating your breasts with bands both above and below them, leaving your stomach free but doubling the rope over so that every loop that wraps around you is twice as thick. The final tie is slipped up between your breasts, around the back of your neck and tucking back down to hold it all together, and your breath shallows at the secure feeling of the rope. 

It’s peaceful; the warm stripes of friction as he pulls strands through loops, the gentle flicking of the ends against your skin until he folds them away, the way it embraces your chest so snugly, but not too tight. It’s only once he’s done checking the rope like he did with Jungkook that he picks up the second, shorter length of nylon, and by then you already feel the sleepy yet electric haze of subspace seeping throughout your body.

“Hands,” he instructs, and you hold them out for him, watching with heightened arousal as he binds them, the rope wrapping around and between your wrists until they’re locked together. Last time your hands were bound behind your back but like this, you can watch him as he works.

It’s quick - a testament to his expertise - but you spend every moment with your eyes locked onto him. The eyes, gleaming with control and satisfaction, the pink tip of his tongue poking out just slightly as he focuses. His thin fingers, looping and wrapping and knotting with such skill. 

His last move, eyes darting up and smirking once he catches you watching him, is to connect the thick cuff-like ropes to the top of your harness, pinning them up to your chest, folded hands resting at the base of your throat. You instinctively tug once he’s done, only to feel the rope around your back tighten and dig in, but no distance made. The feeling of being at his mercy only adds to the slick gathering between your thighs. 

Once he steps back, eying the two of you up, your breath catches in your throat. Both you and Jungkook are fully naked, somehow feeling even more vulnerable in the rope, and Hoseok stands across from the bed in all his black leather glory, eyes raking over you like he’s assessing his work. 

“Are you gonna touch us, Master?” Jungkook questions in a small voice, fingers clutching at his own thighs, cock flushed and needy between them. 

“Not you yet, Jungkookie. Gotta warm Y/n up first.” Your eyes widen - for what? - but Hoseok is moving closer run a hand down Jungkook’s back, fingers jumping over the strands of rope. “Do you wanna help me, baby?”

Jungkook nods, blushing when Hoseok pinches lightly at his cheek. 

Hoseok leans over to you, carding his fingers into your hair and curling them in so that he can hold you steady. Like this, kneeling on the bed, you have to tilt your head back to meet his gaze, but he just tuts, holding you face-forward to Jungkook. “You wanna give her a kiss, Kookie?”

You swallow, fingers interlocking together as you look over to the camboy. He looks so needy, blissed out and pretty in his red rope, cock untouched and weeping. Your lips part automatically, tongue darting out to wet your lips and you don’t miss the way Jungkook’s eyes are drawn to it, lids now as he nods. 

With your hands pinned to your chest and kneeling, you don’t feel able to meet him halfway so you just wait as Jungkook crawls to you, glancing up at Hoseok for permission before burying your hands in your hair alongside the dom’s. With barely a second to suck in a breath, Jungkook ducks his head, his lips descending onto yours with sweet, unrestrained need. 

Unable to touch him back, you let your eyes slip shut with the soft presses of his mouth, taking everything he gives you. Everything about Jungkook in this moment is soft; his lips, his thumbs brushing across your cheekbones, even the subtle scent of vanilla as his hair tickles your face - but the stiff grip in your hair is anything but, reminding you where exactly you are and the hand you’re under.

Your breath hitches as two things happen at once; Jungkook’s tongue presses into your mouth, deepening the kiss, and behind you Hoseok shifts, getting up on the bed behind you. Though you can’t see him, you become even more aware of his commanding presence, through the simple gesture of a fingertip, tracing beside lines of rope with a touch so light you shiver.

“You both look so pretty for me,” Hoseok murmurs warmly, his voice closer than you’d expected him to be, sounding like it’s right beside your air. Jungkook doubles his efforts in response, and your core is alight with excitement when you instinctively go to touch him, only to be reminded of the restraint you’re in. 

Jungkook kisses without abandon, not hurried but deep and purposeful. Though you still tremble under Hoseok’s teasing touch, your mind is so enraptured by Jungkook’s tongue in your mouth and teeth on your lips that you lose track of it. 

The camboy doesn’t dare venture his hands further than your face, cupping it so tenderly as he delves into you, so your eyes fly open with shock when two fingers are suddenly slipping through your folds, running over your clit for a single delicious moment of pleasure. You moan in shock and pull away to look down.

Between your kneeling legs is the slender but calloused hand of your Master himself, wrapped around your front and slipping inside you without question like you’re his. His to explore, his to ruin. You pant at the intrusion of two fingers, clenching around him, but his only response is to tug suddenly at your hair, pulling your gaze back up again.

Nipping sharply at the bridge of your ear, Hoseok scolds you. “I didn’t tell you to stop,” he growls harshly, “did I?”

“Sorry, Master,” you reply without thinking, barely a moment before you let out a muffled squeak from Jungkook joining you together again, wasting no time to obey. 

Hoseok doesn’t stop his motions between your legs; on the contrary, he continues without pause, fingers moving inside you with a steady urgency. 

For a while, your brows furrow, hips rocking below him. He keeps missing your g-spot, fingers too straight to press against it on each thrust, and he moves to three fingers without touching your clit at all, hand held foward off of you to avoid friction. You moan brokenly into Jungkook’s mouth as you realise Hoseok’s doing it intentionally, stretching you out almost clinically, without regard or want for your pleasure. You go weak at the thought, sinking forward into Jungkook’s embrace, but soon enough the fingers are removed from you completely. Empty and unsatisfied just like earlier, you huff and begin to kiss the camboy more frantically, desperate for some pleasure to replace it. 

But Hoseok clearly isn’t having it. “Stop,” he commands shortly, “hands off.”

Jungkook sits back quickly, making sure you won’t slump over before he presses his hands to his thighs again, cock twitching at the continued neglect. Blinking, he licks his swollen lips and glances behind you to Hoseok in confusion. “Master?”

Your mouth goes dry when you hear the unmistakable sound of a zip being lowered. Hoseok’s hand leaves your hair suddenly, and you feel unmoored between the two men, just you and your hands tucked under your chin. “You tasted her pretty little pussy in Week One, didn’t you, Jungkookie? Would you like her to return the favour?”

Eyes wide, you drop your gaze down to Jungkook’s aching dick, as it twitches and leaks another thin trail of precum, the boy groaning. “Please, Master.” His fingers flex, holding back from touching it. “‘Hurts,” he whines.

You bite your lip, mouth watering. He’s not as big as Namjoon, but you know how fully he filled you just yesterday, and to have him in your mouth… “Please,” you croak out, fingers wiggling in the air as you’re unable to lower yourself to him. 

“Good girl,” Hoseok praises, hands strong on your shoulders as he helps you down, elbows propping yourself up awkwardly in the space that Jungkook’s shuffled back from. “Gotta warm Kookie up too, don’t we? Open up, princess.”

Like this, you’re able to keep upright, but barely, craning your neck to look up at Jungkook. His cock is in front of you, and this close you can see just how flushed it is, the tip almost perfect. Hoping your pleading gaze can communicate your desperation, you open your mouth, letting your tongue rest just over your bottom lip.

Jungkook’s brows furrow in wanton need as he glances towards Hoseok. “Can I touch her, Master? Help her?”

“Of course,” Hoseok’s voice allows from behind you, palms running over the flesh of your ass, “but my little prince better not cum.”

Jungkook visibly shivers at the nickname, hips jerking uselessly. “Y-yes, Master,” he allows, before tipping your chin up so gently, gripping himself to guide his length into your waiting mouth. 

You moan the moment your lips wrap around his tip, the tang of his precum bursting on your tongue as you flick it over the slit, making Jungkook thrust up again, enough that his cock reaches the back of your mouth. You’re barely able to avoid gagging, but you inhale harshly through your nose, blinking up at him as he brushes your hair back with a shaky apology. 

Knowing he can’t orgasm, Jungkook seems happy enough to lazily roll his hips, just enjoying the wet warmth around him as you follow his rhythm, enjoying the slight ache of your jaw around his girth. Hoseok gives you only a few moments to reach this equilibrium before you feel his cock lining up against you. 

Eyes widening, you’re given no time to prepare as he slides inside you, slowly but without pause, making your back arch with the intrusion.

You moan, muffled, as Hoseok pulls out and begins to pick up a steady pace, once again sliding right past your g-spot, not fast enough to make your toes curl and not deep enough to make your eyes roll. There’s no denying he’s doing it on purpose, and the thought that he might not let you cum at all has you whining desperately around Jungkook’s cock, loud enough that Hoseok hears.

To your disappointment, he tsks and pulls out, tugging at your hair to pull you off Jungkook. “What the fuck?” you complain bitterly, sucking off the drool that’s accumulated in the corners of your mouth. Equally deprived, Jungkook makes a noise of confusion, but before he can speak up, a commanding voice calls out to you.

“That’s it, on your back,” Hoseok orders, making you jump as he smacks the flesh of your ass. “If you’re gonna be ungrateful you won’t get anything at all.”

You pout, craning your neck to look back at him. “Hobi,” you whine, hoping to appeal to that soft inner that got you what you wanted the last time you were scening with him, but it doesn’t work. 

Impatient, his hands find your hips, flipping you around unceremoniously. Your breath is punched out of you as you’re suddenly landing on your back, and you whimper as he hooks a finger in your harness over the top of your breast, using it to tug you higher up the bed so that him and Jungkook are on either side of your waist. 

“You’ve been far better behaved,” Hoseok directs at Jungkook casually, reaching into the duffle bag to pull out a square foil packet, “so you’ll get my cock instead.”

Jungkook bites his lip harshly, shuffling on his knees as Hoseok rolls a condom on. “Thank you, Master,” he replies politely, eyes lidded and needy. 

“What a good boy,” Hoseok coos, reaching over to brush a fond hand over Jungkook’s cheek. “Do you wanna fuck Y/n too, my little prince?” You let out a low groan at the prospect, at the way Hoseok speaks for you like you’re a toy of his. The thought is more erotic than you’d expect, and your legs part unconsciously.

Jungkook whimpers at the sight, dark hair curling at his temples with perspiration. “Please, Master.”

“Go on, then, baby.” Hoseok gestures for him to straddle you, and you whimper as Jungkook’s form blocks the light from the ceiling, framing him in a silhouette of dark hair. 

Your legs part further as he settles between them, cock brushing between your folds lightly until he puts a hand down to line himself up. With one arm bracing himself, Jungkook slowly drives his cock deep inside you, small rocking motions to get you accustomed to him as he bottoms out. The two of you groan in unison, the feeling of being full again like bliss.

Before Jungkook can set a pace, you hear Hoseok’s voice again behind him. “There’s only one thing,” the dom adds in an apologetic tone, “Y/n hasn’t earned an orgasm yet, not like my sweet prince has. If you want to fuck her, Jungkookie, she better not cum.”

You let out a frustrated moan, heel kicking into the mattress. “Fuck,” you whine, hips already rocking against Jungkook’s length inside of you, “are you serious?”

Calmly, Hoseok clicks open a bottle of what must be lube, and you feel Jungkook go lax above you, holding his weight off of your torso but dropping his head onto the bed beside yours, groaning lowly. “Of course I’m serious,” he explains simply as he preps Jungkook with his fingers, “I’m doing you a favour, Y/n. This way you won’t make the same mistake twice.”

You sob, feeling Jungkook twitch inside you from the pleasure he’s receiving from Hoseok. As the dom finally deems Jungkook ready and lines himself up, you realise why Hoseok was so popular at his job. Handling two subs, let alone one who was getting punished and one who was now getting rewarded, was a tough balance, and yet he does it with such cool and professional ease. 

Jungkook curses, rocking his hips with stuttered gasps, and you feel the impact of Hoseok’s hips through Jungkook’s body as he thrusts the first time, the camboy hurriedly throwing his other arm up on the other side of your head to prop himself up with more stability. You can feel the rhythm as he gets fucked, and the way his chest heaves, breaths panting over your bare shoulder. 

With your hands tied to your chest and lain on your back, you quickly realise there is nothing you can do to chase any pleasure for yourself, and you let out another low sob. You won’t be making the same mistake twice indeed, you muse as Jungkook barely shifts inside you. He feels so good, but it’s just not enough for you to get anywhere close to your own high. The lesson has most certainly been learned; if you want pleasure, you play by Hoseok’s rules.

“Please, Master,” you pipe up desperately, looking past Jungkook’s shoulder to the dom’s face, calm even as his hips rock with the graceful fluidity of a dancer, every stroke making Jungkook cry out. “I’ll do anything, Master, I’m sorry for being bad, just please let me come!”

A grin spreads across his face, satisfied, even as he grunts from exertion, Jungkook trembling above you as he’s brought mercilessly to the edge. “It’s too late for that,” Hoseok pants out with a chuckle, “it’s already time for my little prince to cum.”

Jungkook moans, a high-pitched keen at the pet-name, and the sound is so sinful you can’t help but clench, making him stiffen impossibly inside you. 

It only takes a thrust or two more, and a gruff command to cum before Jungkook does just that, spilling inside you with a drawn-out whine, thanking his Master with every breath he can suck into his lungs. 

He manages to keep his weight off of you as he rides his high, Hoseok fucking him into oversensitivity before he pulls out, leaving briefly to discard the condom. Jungkook pulls out of you with a wince, but a satisfied one, and rolls over onto his back, running his fingers under the lines of rope lazily as he catches his breath.

Once Hoseok returns, he begins untying you first, and as your wrists are loosened from your chest and promptly released, the cool air on your skin feels like defeat. Your eyes slip shut, a pout no doubt on your lips as you give him nothing but dead weight, forcing the professional to manhandle your torso as he undoes the rope bit by bit. 

You open your eyes once he’s done, frowning at him as he releases the rope from Jungkook’s body. Without looking, Hoseok chastises you. “Don’t look at me like that,” he scolds, “I’m sure next time you’ll be behaved like our Jungkookie here.” The boy in question preens softly at the compliment, blinking up at Hoseok as the dom brushes his hair out of his eyes.

The sight warms your heart, and you can’t deny that Hoseok has the right to discipline you, no doubt feeling self-conscious about his place on the show. And the feeling of him playing you so skilfully is something that will stick with you for a good while. You press your thighs together, sighing out at the slick still between them.

After finishing with Jungkook, speaking quietly with him in praise or reassurance, he comes back around to you, rubbing at the few red marks on your chest and wrists that have appeared from your movements. His eyes search your face, and you’re surprised to see the absolute calm in them, clearly switched out of the Master persona and just into a dominant but caring one. “Not hurt?” 

You shake your head after taking the time to really think it through, wiggling your fingers and toes.

“Not angry?” 

Again, you take a moment to consider, but shake your head.

Hoseok smiles down at you, warm as he squeezes your hands fondly. “Good. Now I know you can’t sleep in your own bed, so Jungkookie has kindly offered for you to stay here with him. Take care of each other, okay? I’m just down the hall.”

By the time Hoseok zips up his pants - you note that even after all that, you hadn’t seen him properly naked - and gathers his bag, Jungkook’s managed to slip his legs under the blankets, snoring away peacefully with the aftermath of a good orgasm.

After the dom leaves, you get under the covers yourself, watching the relaxing cycle of Jungkook’s chest rising and falling, the way his eyes flutter lightly in his sleep, but it doesn’t lull you to unconsciousness.

Instead, the unsatisfied throb between your legs just grows more ferocious than ever. If you could just get yourself off…

Your hand trails down, slipping between your legs naturally, but the first swipe of your index finger against your clit gives you pause. Hoseok had pretty clearly stated that you weren’t to masturbate without permission unless you were in a scene with another contestant and, well… 

You grimace as Jungkook snuffles in his sleep, wriggling around to get more comfortable. You can’t exactly wake him up.

Which leaves you with only one option.

Fuck it. As quietly as you can, you slip out of bed, stumbling over to your pile of clothes. After retrieving your phone - still somehow tucked neatly into your pants pocket - you hop back into bed and seek out the one contact who can alleviate your need. Hoseok himself.

You answer the call with shaking fingers, those not still buried inside you. When Hoseok’s voice comes through, it’s thankfully quiet and low, but the words still make you keen.

“Princess couldn’t wait until the morning, hm?” Hoseok chuckles quietly at your whine of response. “That’s okay. Let Master help you.”

You sigh out, sitting the phone so that it lies on the pillow beside you. “Please, Master,” you whisper, “can I touch my clit?”

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, “such a polite girl now. Baby took her lesson well. You can touch it, princess. Get yourself close for me.”

When you change the angle of the fingers thrusting inside you to make room to rub at your clit, you could cry from the satisfaction, biting your lip to muffle the moan that’s pulled from your lungs. 

Glancing quickly beside you to ensure Jungkook’s asleep, the sight of him sleeping so peacefully as you get off right beside him has you clenching down, and your back arches off the bed. 

Your high is close, and the faster you strum your clit frantically, the more you pant, desperate to keep quiet. Your mouth drops open as you suddenly feel the orgasm approaching, and you turn to the phone on the pillow, getting close enough that he can hear your whisper. “I’m go-gonna cum, Hoseokie, fuck,” you choke out before quickly pressing your lips together, preventing further noise.

His voice is low velvet on the phone, a calm command. “Cum for Master now, princess.”

You feel your orgasm hit you like a tsunami, crashing so violently that you curl over your hands, shivering and convulsing as pleasure rocks every inch of your body. As it floods you entirely, you feel hot tears stream down your face, ones you didn’t even know you were shedding. Your thighs shake and your chest heaves and you don’t stop your fingers until there’s no more pleasure left to be milked from you. 

When you finally cum down from your high, panting, you fumble clumsily for the phone. “Tha-thank you, Master.”

Perhaps it’s the post-orgasm delirium, but you swear you hear the smile in his voice when he murmurs, “you’re most welcome, princess. Now get some rest. You’ve earned it.”

After hanging up, you lock your phone and chuck it down onto the carpet beside the bed carelessly, the wetness between your thighs no longer uncomfortable, now just a satisfying reminder of the pleasure he finally allowed you. Taking one last look at the tranquil face of Jungkook as he slept, you let yourself join him in a blissful unconsciousness.

ELIMINATION GRAPH

No elimination this week ! What a doozy, huh? If you were curious, here are the results of the vote!

It was taken after exactly 48 hours of the poll being open, and required a sign-in with email to prevent spamming so that it was as fair as possible!

In the future, we’ll use this format for both Fan Favourite and Elimination voting. I’ll tell you the top three for audience fan-favourites in the following chapter, and for elimination you’ll find out Y/n’s final decision in the following chapter, plus this graph at the end for the complete results.

Thanks for all your support !

[funkymbtifiction]

Good day! I'm pretty sure I'm an IXFJ type but still teasing out if I use Si/Ne or Ni/Se. Any advice you have is welcome! :)

I am very much in my own head constantly, observing situations and mulling over mental imagery that pops up randomly at times. Like, I will see an object in the world, such as a rose ornament on a shelf, which will bring to mind Beauty and the Beast "Enchanted Rose", then the mirror that is used in the story to see her family. Which will then then lead on to imagery of Phantom of the Opera (the link being a beautiful woman being drawn to a "beast" like character and the use of a mirror being used as a reveal). All imagery that I find positive and inspiring, giving me a sense of romanticism and that there's more to life than just the concrete.

I have felt that I had to be a Ni user because I dive deep into associative imagery and daydream A LOT. But then I read Jung's description of Si, notably this part "introverted Sensation is sense-perception that focuses more on the psychological reaction to objects, than on their objective qualities. This subjective part of Sensation is most easily demonstrated in art. Even a still-life scene will be painted differently from artist to artist, in terms of its treatment of colour, form, and mood. Si pours its personal, subjective attitude into its perception of the concrete world, so it’s as if it ends up seeing something quite unique and different from what’s actually there" which would perhaps explain why I could be an ISFJ AND live in a world of inter related imagery and impressions.

I would say I'm very much moved by what goes on in my mind's eye and become attached to places, objects, stories, narratives that become part of my everyday life. I did wonder if this was Fi instead although I believe I'm more likely a Fe user because my focus is more on what is appropriate/rude in social contexts, how to best get on with others and yes, unfortunately at times I minimise myself to not be at odds. I do have my own preferences and loves/hates but will not display these so much, especially if I know the person/people I'm with have contrary sentiments. Something I'm learning to get better at, self expression.

I like to have the outer world kept calm and pleasant as possible so that I can dive in deep within myself; I suppose that's why I'm so routine and probably a bit predictabe (read: boring). I have patterns I stick to each day such as when I have my lunch, downtimes activities after work (reading, bathing, watching tv, ASMR videos before sleep). Even when I'm on holiday I'll follow set behaviours like making sure I have a cup of tea before bed while reviewing pictures of the day.

I haven't truly considered ISFJ properly before because of my daydreams and vivid mental imagery. They're vital parts of me. That said, if Si is more to do with creating inner symbols then I can see a case for me having that over Ni. Jun says this also "The Si type’s perception of the concrete world is adapted to the “eternal truths” - archetypal or even mythological patterns of life.

Si, in a sense, sees the background of the physical world. The important thing isn’t the object, but its reflection in the Si type’s psyche. As a result, objects don’t only appear in their present instance, as Se sees them, but also with a vague sense of their past and future, “somewhat as a million-year-old-consciousness might see them”. Si covers the concrete world with a shroud of meaning, subjective experience and archetypal truths."

I also didn't believe I could be a Sensor because I'm not noticing much of the present moment details, at least not consciously, although I am detail orientated in my memory about people, events, objects etc. I'm quite clumsy too physically. I wouldn't say I'm good at Sensing and feel "out of the world" often. But then again I'm perhaps better than I think. I do see myself as a 9w1 in enneagram and a lot of characters I relate to I've noticed are ISFJ 9w1s who are more dreamy romantic archetypes (Beth March, Jane Bennet, Christine Daae). I know you shouldn’t really type by which characters you relate to though, but figured I’d mention too. If anything I probably over explain than under explain! I often doubt my instincts and insights, whereas I understand NJs especially INJs have faith in their insights. I am hesitant about the past too though, wondering if I’m remembering situations that have happened to me correctlyc or rather interpreted them in the right ways. That’s more to do with past trauma though (I was assaulted and bullied by classmates, which gaslighting was a part of).

Sorry I’ve gone on quite long. I understand if this is too long winded and makes no sense.

All of this is absolutely, beautifully, perfectly Si impressionism. :)

Si metaphorical images are easily shared and understood by people everywhere due to the influence of Ne “creating out of” what the Si user deems important. Si users form inner archetypes and impressions, built out of sensory experiences and what individually appeals to and ‘draws’ their interest -- so ISFJs, especially as 9s, can be very romantic, dreamy, interested in archetypes (mythology or fairy tales or knights and maidens fair, etc.) or in mulling over what they most love.

Ni is colder, more impressionistic, more far-fetched, higher concept, and less easy for other people to understand -- consider the movies of Darren Aronofsky or Christopher Nolan or even the television series Twin Peaks for reference.