#this book and the way shes describing it is pissing me off so bad

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Not saying anything but 🤭😂🤣

@triplexdoublex @hollywoodxwhore @jaxbreaker

[punkshort]

somewhere to run | 10. austin

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You and Joel travel to Austin to meet with a lawyer.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, hurt/comfort, flirting, sexual tension, emotional abuse, infidelity, some recapping of DV and SA situations but nothing new, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected (reader previously mentions she's on bc) piv sex

WC: 6.6K

A/N: I have started a notification blog - @punkshort-notifs if you are interested in following for fic updates (but I will be keeping the tag list for this series until it is over)

Series Masterlist

One Month Later

Life carried on the way it always does. Without permission, regardless of any pain or suffering, it always remained a constant. Whether you were present or not, whether you wanted to acknowledge it or hide from it, it didn't matter, because life always carried on.

The first week was the worst. A week of what you could only describe as depression. A week of being alone. Safe, but terribly alone. Going to work helped distract you, until he came in for lunch like always and it felt like your heart was being torn in two all over again. And you could tell it hurt him, too, but you both seemed willing to withstand the pain over not seeing each other at all. Because even though it hurt, it was a reminder you were alive. A reminder that you could still care enough about somebody else, despite everything.

The second week was when you could no longer smell him in your bed. You woke up one morning, eyes barely even open as you searched around the pillowcase, then the sheets, grabbing and pulling at the fabric, desperate to seek out his scent to no avail.

The third week was when you finally didn't have to fight the urge to call or text him, even though he said you could, you knew it would just make things harder. And he must have agreed because he didn't reach out, either.

The fourth week was when you began to feel like you were finally coming out of your slump. You could go to the grocery store or pharmacy and didn't feel your heart skip a beat, you didn't scan the parking lot for his truck in the hopes of running into him. You didn't stop thinking about him, but it just hurt less. That is, until you ran into Hailey coming back from work one evening.

She was out on the sidewalk, cleaning up some garbage from the picnic tables in front of the pizzeria when you waved and caught her eye. You could immediately tell something was wrong by the pained smile she gave you.

"Hey," she said, the smile not reaching her eyes as she leaned up against her broom.

"What's going on?" you asked her. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I know, sorry. Work's been-" she waved in the direction of the propped open door and shook her head. "But I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh?"

"It's about book club," she said, dropping her gaze to the ground. "And I just want to let you know, I voted against it-"

"They don't want me back, do they?" you offered, trying to make it easier for her. She sighed and shook her head.

"It's all so stupid, I'm sorry," she said, looking up at you again. "Nikki's got all those old ladies wrapped around her finger and they're just pissed Joel dumped her for... well, y'know."

"They know we aren't together, right? I mean, I'm married..." you trailed off, not wishing to go into too much detail when you knew eventually when you went to court, all your dirty laundry would be aired.

"Yeah, they do. Still, they blame you, and it's stupid, like I said. They should be mad at Joel, it's not like it's your fault, and I swear I tried explaining that-"

"It's okay," you said, holding up your hand and giving her a sad smile. "I appreciate it, but it's fine. I have a lot coming up, anyway. I won't find that much time to read."

"But we can still hang out! Do you wanna go get drinks this weekend? Or maybe see a movie?" Hailey asked, and you could tell she genuinely felt bad.

"Yeah, either of those sound great," you said. "I'll text you and we can figure something out."

You made a hasty exit and dragged yourself up the stairs to your apartment. Even though you probably wouldn't have continued to go, the rejection still stung.

For a while, the silence was deafening. Without a TV to even distract you, leaving you with endless amounts of time to overthink, you were worried you were going insane. You lucked out recently and found a decent TV at a thrift store, so you at least had something to occupy your time, although you knew it would be short lived. In a couple days, you had an appointment to meet with a law firm in Austin. An appointment Joel had set up and offered to attend with you, and at the time, you were so desperate for anything to do with him, you agreed, but now you were wondering if that was a bad idea. Almost two hours in the car alone with Joel? No, that didn't seem like a good idea at all.

"Whadd'ya mean, you wanna drive separate?" Joel asked as you refilled his coffee. "That doesn't make any sense. Waste of gas."

"Yeah, but I was thinking of staying an extra day. Check out the city," you lied, turning your back to him so he wouldn't be able to see through you.

"Alone?"

You cringed at the word, but nodded. The little dinner bell rang in the window and your eyes jumped up just in time to see Thor put Joel's sandwich on the small shelf. You grabbed the plate and set it down in front of him, his eyes still boring into you, waiting for a better explanation.

"I think it'll just be easier," you said quietly, the words only meant for his ears. When he connected the dots, he leaned back in his chair and nodded.

"Oh," he said, gaze drifting down to his food. "That's a shame. I was lookin' forward to it."

"I'm sorry," you told him, grabbing a rag and pretending to wipe down the counter so your conversation didn't invite gossip and speculation. "So was I. That's the problem."

"And if I promise to behave myself, would you reconsider?" he teased, finally making you smile a little.

"I think you're incapable of behaving yourself, Sheriff," you replied, making him chuckle.

This was what your relationship had been reduced to: quick, flirty exchanges over coffee and turkey clubs. You supposed it was better than nothing.

"C'mon, it's just a couple hours. If you want, you can nap or listen to music," he said, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Fine," you relented, but only because once you offered taking two cars out loud, you realized how stupid it sounded.

"Pick you up at 7?" he asked around a mouth full of food.

"Sure. Do I need to prepare anything? I've never gotten this far in the process before," you told him, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Nope. Helen already sent over all the reports and once the process gets started, they'll reach out to whatever hospital you went to back in Philly to get your emergency room medical reports," he explained, and you nodded along, feeling fidgety. "I'm sure they'll do some more digging while they're at it. Reach out to his police captain and all that."

"Right," you said, biting your nail.

"One step at a time, alright?" he told you softly, picking up on your nerves. "You already did your part, now let the lawyers do theirs."

"But I'll have to testify," you reminded him, and he slowly nodded.

"Most likely, yes. You don't have to, but it'll help your case if you do."

"And he'll be there?" you asked, wringing the towel between your hands.

"Yeah, he'll be there," Joel said, watching your face fall. "But I'll be there, too. You just look at me when the time comes, don't look at him."

"Okay," you said, taking a deep breath. You knew this would be hard, but you also knew it was necessary. "And this lawyer - they can help me get a divorce?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay," you said again. You forced yourself to smile even though the anxiety was already creeping up. "I can do this," you told him, trying to sound confident.

"Hell yes, you can do this," he replied. "That's my girl," he added, picking up his sandwich then pausing before taking a bite. He glanced up at you and gave you half a smirk when he noticed the look on your face at the term of endearment. "Sorry, I'll behave."

You had initially dreaded waking up so early, but after the restless night's sleep you ended up having, it turned out it didn't make much of a difference. Your appointment was at 9:30 and it took about two hours to get to Austin, so Joel arriving at 7am gave you a decent cushion in case there was traffic.

Already two cups of coffee down, you poured the rest into a travel thermos and grabbed your purse before jogging lightly down your stairs. You locked your door and turned towards the street to find Joel's truck parked right out front. Glancing around, you noticed it was fairly quiet still, which was a relief. Joel didn't have to take you to see a lawyer. His job was technically done until the trial. He was doing this for you, to give you some support and advice and it would be ideal if you could keep people from gossiping about it for as long as possible.

"Mornin'," he greeted you with a lazy smile, which perked right up when you handed him the thermos. "Oh, you're an angel, baby," he murmured, taking a sip with an appreciative groan. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to focus on your seatbelt. Less than two minutes and he already had you squirming in your seat.

The first hour of the trip actually turned out to be relatively quiet. You sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the radio while Joel hummed along and tapped the steering wheel and if you closed your eyes, you could imagine the scene just a little differently. Instead of Joel taking you to see a lawyer in Austin so you could press charges and divorce your abusive husband, you imagined you were taking a road trip together. Maybe with no destination in mind: just the two of you and the open road, stopping whenever you saw fit to explore and staying at roadside motels with stiff sheets and shag carpets, limbs tangled together as you panted into each other's mouths. No secrets. No drama. You smiled to yourself, the fantasy giving you a pleasant reminder of what you could have if you just stayed strong.

"What're you smilin' for?" he asked, and your eyes opened to look at him.

"Nothing," you said, and he clicked his tongue against his teeth. God, you missed that tongue and what it could do.

"When all this is over, do you think we can take a road trip together?" you asked him, and his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah, 'course we can," he replied, glancing over at you briefly before looking back at the road. "Where did you wanna go?"

"Doesn't matter," you said, rolling the back of your head against the seat. "Just wanna be with you," you added, softer this time. He looked over at you again, examining your face quickly before focusing back on the road.

"Me too, baby," he said, just as softly.

Joel stopped at a gas station just outside the city to fuel up and stretch your legs. After using the restroom, you wandered up and down the aisles while Joel pumped gas just outside. You were the only one in the store, aside from the sleazy cashier with greasy hair and nicotine stained teeth leering at you every time you crossed his field of vision.

You decided on a couple waters and some sugary pastries and made your way up to the front, forcing a polite smile for the cashier, whose eyes were greedily raking up and down your frame as you approached. You were wearing a modest dress with a cardigan, doing your best to look put together for your appointment, but that didn't stop the cashier's eyes from roaming.

"That all?" he asked as he began to ring you up. You nodded and hummed before glancing out the window, watching as Joel replaced the nozzle on the pump.

"$8.32," he told you, his eyes dropping to your chest as you pulled out a ten dollar bill from your wallet and handed it to him. Your fingertips tapped impatiently on the counter as he slowly counted out your change, clearly trying to prolong the interaction longer than necessary. When it appeared he was ready to hand over the money, you held your hand out, but he pulled your change back a bit and leaned forward.

"You from 'round here?"

"No, just passing through," you said, lifting your hand again, but he clenched your change in his fist.

"What's a pretty girl like you doin' out here all by yourself?" he sneered, his hand dropping below the counter to not so subtly adjust himself in his pants. You made a disgusted face and he smirked.

"She ain't alone," Joel's deep voice rang out from behind you. The cashier's eyes drifted over your shoulder and looked like he was about to make a snide comment when you felt Joel's hand around your waist. His eyes fell to Joel's belt and saw the badge and gun and the smirk he was sporting a moment ago vanished. He quickly handed you back your change and busied himself with organizing the cigarettes while Joel tugged on your waist, urging you to back towards the parking lot.

"And you wanted to drive separate," Joel teased as he led you towards his truck. He opened the passenger door and stepped back so you could get in but you paused and looked up at him. His forehead crinkled as he grinned, his eyes squinting in the sun and all you wanted to do was kiss him and never stop.

"What?" he finally asked when you didn't make a move to get into the car.

"I really want to kiss you right now," you murmured, and you watched the grin slip from his face and his eyes flick down to your mouth.

"We can't," he replied, his voice pained as his gaze continued to drift from your eyes to your lips.

"I know," you sighed. Instead, you stood on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, your lips lingering a moment longer than you should have before climbing into his truck. His breathing stuttered, the feeling of your lips on his skin again sending him into a tailspin. He took a deep breath and looked up at you in the cab, putting on your seatbelt.

"Soon," he told you, giving your leg a squeeze before closing the door.

"So you mentioned you know some of these lawyers?" you asked him as he drove through downtown Austin.

"Yeah, I've dealt with this law firm a lot on some cases over the years. They're good people, as far as lawyers go," he joked before making a right hand turn. "I asked to meet with one of the women. Her name's Madeline. She's nice. Been there a real long time. Thought you'd feel more comfortable with that," he said, and you nodded.

"Thank you," you told him for maybe the twentieth time that day. You were convinced if not for Joel, you never would have made it this far. You would have had no idea where to even begin, but he knew the answers to all those questions and helped give you the confidence you so desperately needed.

Your hands began to shake and your stomach felt like it was in knots as the two of you walked up to the front doors of the impressive four-story building. Men and women streamed in and out of the doors, most dressed in suits and pencil skirts and talking on their phones hurriedly. You swallowed the lump in your throat once you got to the front of the building, but Joel held the door open for you with a reassuring smile.

"Don't be nervous, it'll be alright," he murmured as you walked up to the large receptionist desk that housed two women with headsets on, typing furiously into their computers. One looked up and caught your eye, giving you a friendly smile.

"Mornin'," Joel said, telling the young woman your name and appointment time. She glanced at her computer and nodded before looking back up at you both with another smile.

"I'll let her know you're here, you can take a seat. It shouldn't be very long," the woman said, casting Joel one more admiring glance before she turned back to her phone and dialed a number.

Joel led you over to some plush couches and chairs and you nervously picked up an old magazine. You skimmed through it, just looking for something to occupy your hands as you waited. He sat down next to you, then inched closer so he could rest his arm along the back of the couch. It felt like he was wrapping his arms around you without actually touching you, and it gave you a temporary sense of peace.

After a few minutes of listening to the receptionists answer the phones and transfer calls, you finally heard your name and Joel's. You both looked up to find a thin, middle aged woman with short, blonde hair and glasses and a kind smile waiting for you.

"Maddy," Joel said warmly, and the hairs on the back of your neck went up. He wouldn't have asked an ex-girlfriend to represent you, would he?

"Joel, long time no see," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before introducing herself to you and shaking your hand.

"That's usually a good thing," he reminded her as the two of you followed her down a long hallway, passing by a few empty conference rooms and closed doors that presumably lead to offices.

"Yes, very true," she agreed with a chuckle before stopping in front of her office. She extended an arm, inviting the two of you to enter first before she followed and closed the door behind her.

"How's Tracy?" Joel asked, glancing at a photo on her desk as you sat down.

"She's great. It's our ten year anniversary this summer. We're planning a cruise," she said, settling into her desk chair and shooting you a smile.

Okay, so probably not an ex.

"Alright, let's not waste any time. I know you drove a long way to get here," Madeline said, clasping her hands together on her desk and giving you another smile. She gave off a positive energy, and you could feel yourself loosening up. "I read over everything Joel sent over so I know the basics, and I am so sorry for everything you've had to endure," she said, her eyes softening. "But can you explain to me why you've never tried to come forward before? Trust me, his lawyer will bring it up."

"Well, I have tried," you began, your fingers tangling together in your lap. "I've gone to the police a handful of times but every time I thought I was making progress, Patrick would do something - call in a favor, I don't know," you said with a shrug. "And my police reports magically disappeared. I've gone to the hospital on several occasions-"

"That's right, I did read that. Which hospital?" she asked, picking up a pen, the tip hovering over a legal pad.

"There were a few different ones," you said, then rattled off the names and approximate dates you visited each hospital.

"Okay. We'll reach out and get copies of those records for the trial," she said, dropping the pen and looking at you to continue.

You went on to tell her about your experience with the police back in Philadelphia and how angry Patrick would get after those visits. You told her about his disappearances for days at a time and how he would come home in a haze, no doubt with alcohol and some type of drug in his veins, how those were the times he hurt you the most.

By the time you got to the part in your story where you packed a bag and left Philadelphia during one of Patrick's benders, you felt a lot more at ease. Your nerves were gone and Madeline's comforting gaze made it so much easier to tell her everything.

"So the next step in the process is discovery. Our team here is going to be digging up dirt back in Philly, and I am sure Patrick's lawyer is already doing the same thing," she said, putting down her pen and looking at you over her glasses. "That being said: is there anything I need to know? I don't like surprises in court. I don't care if you ever smoked weed or pushed him back, I just need to know so I can get ahead of it." You quickly shook your head.

"No, I've never tried drugs and I never hit him back." You glanced over at Joel for the first time and found him staring at you with a look in his eye that made you believe you were thinking about the same thing. After a moment, you turned back to Madeline, about to open your mouth to speak when Joel cut you off.

"There's one more thing," he said, sitting up straighter in his chair. She looked at him curiously, clearly not expecting him to have anything to add. "We, uh," he cleared his throat and glanced over at you. "We had a brief, personal relationship," he said. Madeline sat back in her chair and you could have sworn she was glaring at him. "It's over. It was just once," he continued, and you nodded quickly, trying to help him out.

"Nobody knows, either," you told her, drawing her gaze back onto you. "Patrick had his suspicions, but he also accused me of sleeping with two cooks from work, which is untrue," you clarified, "he's just jealous and angry."

"How can you be sure nobody knows?" she asked, and you paused.

"W-well, nobody..." you trailed off, looking at Joel for help.

"It's a small town, Maddy. If people knew, they'd be talkin'. Trust me," he said, rolling his eyes. "The most anyone knows is I had a little crush on her, but nothin' more."

"Besides. Patrick's cheated on me for years. I'm not an idiot, I could smell the perfume on his jacket and found the condom wrappers in his pants pocket," you told her, but she shook her head.

"This is a little different, hun," she said, leaning forward. "Joel's the town sheriff. He arrested Patrick and broke his nose. It's going to look like he had ulterior motives," she said, lifting up a piece of paper in front of her to double check her notes.

"I didn't break his nose, the table broke his nose. It was self-defense. The guy's got nothin'," Joel scoffed.

"Yeah you're probably right, but he's still going to make your life a living hell in court," Madeline said. "You looking for representation, too?"

"What?!" you exclaimed, turning in your seat to look at Joel. "He's suing you?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal. Happens from time to time, nothin' ever comes from it," he said casually.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked, your voice softening.

"Didn't wanna worry you. You gotta focus on this," he said, pointing to Madeline. "The other shit doesn't matter."

You wanted to argue with him but you knew your time was running short, so you let it go.

"Well at least you had the good sense not to take her statement," she said, glancing down at the papers before her. "Let's just hope it doesn't come up, and if it does, I'll be prepared," she said, making a note to herself before giving you her attention again. "I'll do my best to fast track this and set a court date. I'll have my team call his superior officer and we'll run some checks on him, call the hospitals, and start building your case. I'll be in touch soon about any potential witnesses you can bring to the stand that you trust. Anybody who might have witnessed Patrick abusing you, even if he was just yelling or twisting your arm. People you confided in. Anybody you might think can help, start thinking about it now and gathering contact info, okay?"

"Okay," you said firmly. You were starting to feel better, like this was the beginning of the end. And you had the feeling that Madeline was the right person to fight for you. She seemed honest and straight forward, understanding yet tough. This was someone who would give you your freedom back.

"And I can get a divorce?" you asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, I'm going to file the petition this afternoon and he will be served the papers," she explained. "If he contests it, we can cross that bridge when we come to it, but I'm hoping with all the fire we're throwing at him, he won't want to put up a fight."

"Thank you," you breathed, feeling even more at ease now that something was actually happening today. Any amount of progress at this point made you feel good.

You stayed another hour to review an endless amount of paperwork: the contract with the law firm, reviewing your statement for any inaccuracies, initialing and dating next to so many paragraphs on the petition to be filed that your eyes were going blurry by the end.

As you both stood up to follow Madeline out of her office, you stopped short.

"Wait, what about payment? I don't think we discussed legal fees in the contract," you said, frowning as you pulled your copy of the contract out from under your arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Joel already told you," she said, glancing over at Joel, who dropped his gaze to his shoes. "The partners picked your case pro bono. The firm has to do a certain number each year and Joel suggested to a few of the right people that your case should be considered."

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding me?" you whispered in shock, trying to fight the tears that were beginning to spring up. You looked at Joel but he averted his gaze before awkwardly clearing his throat.

"It's no big deal-" he began, but you cut him off.

"No, it is a big deal," you told him, and he clamped his mouth shut. Madeline's eyes flicked between the two of you for a moment, watching as you tried and failed to come up with the right words to convey your gratitude.

"The firm is happy to represent you, hun," Madeline said, breaking the silence. "We're gonna make sure this guy gets what's coming to him, understand?"

You tore your eyes away from Joel, who was finding it difficult to look anywhere but the floor.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," you told her, and she smiled before extending her arm towards the door.

As you walked towards the lobby, she was reminding you to expect a call in a few days with an update and to have a list of contacts ready for her, but you just nodded along numbly, barely listening.

Joel had already gone above and beyond by finding you a good lawyer and coming with you for support, but to also convince them to handle your legal fees? He didn't have to do any of this, but he did, and he didn't expect anything in return. Nobody had ever expressed so much concern about you before. And as you walked in silence towards the parking garage, you realized there could only be one explanation. There could only be one reason why he would do so much, and the thought had your heart pounding in your chest.

You drove in silence for a while, the atmosphere in the truck tense. He tried putting music on but you couldn't focus on anything other than everything that happened in the past few hours. Then you started to go back even further: cleaning your apartment and finding you furniture after Patrick vandalized it, walking you home during a rain storm, fixing your fucking sink when you had barely spoken two sentences to him. You rolled your head to the side, watching him as he focused on the freeway, his grip tight around the steering wheel.

"Look at me," you said quietly, and you saw a muscle in his jaw twitch. After too long of a pause, he just said one word.

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm drivin'."

"Bullshit," you said, and watched his throat bob as he swallowed nervously. You continued to stare him down, willing him to look at you, needing to see into his eyes to confirm your suspicion.

"Please, Joel," you finally said, your voice small. You could see the conflict in his face. The way his lips formed a hard line and his brows pinched together as he fought the urge, but once again he found he couldn't say no.

Slowly, he pulled his gaze off the road and forced himself to look at you. Your lips parted as you looked right through him and he knew right then and there he was fucked.

"Pull over," you mumbled, and he just nodded. He could feel the heat of your gaze on him as he took the nearest exit and pulled into a parking lot of what appeared to be an abandoned department store.

He didn't need to ask and you didn't bother to explain.

Once he parked, doing his best to choose a secluded spot, you each ripped off your seatbelts. He reached down to pull the lever below his seat and slid it back as far as it would go and in broad daylight, you climbed over the console to straddle his lap. His hands flew to your hips as you gripped the sides of his face, searching his eyes frantically before your mouth crashed down over his with a moan.

Joel was normally a strong man, but something about you always made him so weak. Weak and selfish and desperate and he wouldn't have it any other way. That's why, even though he knew it was a mistake, he kissed you back. Your tongues tangled together and when your hands slid up to his hair, he was done for. You were too warm and tasted too sweet and felt too fucking good, it was a miracle he came to his senses when your hand dropped down between you to land on his belt and he managed to pull away.

"That's not why I did all this," he said, each of you panting for air. "I didn't do it so I could fuck you."

"I know," you assured him, cupping the back of his neck. "I know why you did it."

He gazed up at you and slowly nodded.

"Reckon it's pretty obvious, huh?" he said softly, toying with the hem of your dress.

You didn't say anything in return. Instead, you lowered your mouth hungrily over his and he happily obliged. And when your hand drifted back down to his belt, he didn't stop you. He couldn't deny it any longer. He tried, he really did, but it was hopeless.

He wouldn't say the words out loud, and you were grateful. Because if he had, you weren't sure you would be able to convince yourself this was a one-time thing. Madeline's disapproving glare was seared into the back of your mind, her comments about Joel's own lawsuit still very much a concern, but when you lowered yourself onto him, each of you groaning your need into each other's mouths as you stretched around him, it all became a distant memory.

"Missed you so much," you mumbled against his skin as your mouth dragged down his jaw. You rolled your hips, slowly at first, but picked up the pace when you remembered you were in the middle of a parking lot and didn't have much time. "You feel so good," you continued, feeling his arms tense around you as he tried to hold himself back. "Think about you all the time. Especially in bed - ah!" you cried out when he began bucking up into you.

"Yeah? You touch yourself when you think about me?" he grunted in your ear, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you nodded. His hands gripped your waist, guiding your movements up and down while his mouth ghosted over your chest, wishing more than ever he could glide his tongue over your nipples, but he was too aware of where you were. He settled for yanking the sleeve of your dress down, exposing your shoulder so his teeth and facial hair could leave little red marks, hidden from view.

"Can't get enough of you, can't fuckin' stay away," he groaned, watching as you circled your hips, greedily chasing your own pleasure. Your arm shot out to the side, seeking leverage against the now foggy window, your fingers leaving telltale streaks as your hand slowly dragged downwards so when he got into his truck the next morning, he would see the ghost of your hand in the early morning dew.

"Joel," you whined, tossing your head back while you began to bounce, your ass accidentally beeping the horn and making you both laugh. Nothing could harm you here. Not when you had each other. Not when you had the feel of his rough hands over your skin and his soft lips against your mouth.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close. "C'mon, baby. Want you to feel me tomorrow," he said, lifting his hips up to meet yours, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

You gasped as your body went rigid, a white hot heat ripping through you while your legs began to shake and you whimpered his name over and over. You heard Joel groan and say something, probably a warning he was close, but you couldn't be sure. You nodded and mumbled some encouragement but your mind was still too fuzzy and your ears were practically ringing from the force of your orgasm. But when his teeth sunk into your shoulder, the slight pain snapped you out of it. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you down firmly onto his lap until his body stilled and he grunted into your skin.

You rested your cheek on the top of his head while his face stayed buried in your chest, both of you fighting for air as reality slowly began to sink in.

"Guess I didn't behave myself," he finally said with a chuckle. You grinned and lazily raised your head up so you could look at him.

"I think I'll take the blame for this one," you said before lifting off of him with a little gasp and moving your underwear back in place. You were about to swing your leg back over to your seat when he stopped you.

"Just another minute," he said, his hands mindlessly sliding up and down your thighs, and you draped your arms around his neck.

"We shouldn't do this again," you finally said, breaking the spell. He sighed and nodded but his hands continued to glide up and down your legs.

"I know."

You cupped his face and tilted his chin up to look at you. Your thumbs brushed over his cheeks as you stared into his eyes, still seeing everything he didn't have the courage to say. Leaning down, you pressed a tender kiss against his lips, then rested your foreheads together.

"Thank you, Joel."

"You're welcome, baby."

As promised, a few days later, Madeline's secretary reached out for a list of contacts that could be called upon to support your case. You didn't have many people in your corner, but you gave her your cousin's information back in Philadelphia, an old co-worker who you had partially confided in when the abuse started, a few friends who had noticed bruises but you had made up excuses for them at the time, and you reluctantly gave your mother's information, with the note to discuss with you first before contacting her.

You had hoped Madeline wouldn't want to call on your mother to testify. You hadn't spoken to her since you ran away to Texas, and given the way she responded when you told her what Patrick was doing, you weren't confident she would be a good witness. But it was still someone from your past who you confided in, and that was what Madeline was looking for: a trail of evidence, cries for help, anything to prove the most recent incident was not a one off situation.

"Madeline called me today," you told Joel after picking up his empty plate.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"She reviewed all the contacts I gave to her secretary and she scheduled another appointment for next week."

"Great, what day?" he asked, pulling out his phone.

"Tuesday," you said, replacing his coffee with a glass of ice water. He glanced up at you and quirked an eyebrow. "You drink too much caffeine," you explained, and he grinned.

"Ah, shit. I have a thing at Sarah's school that day. Lemme see if I can reschedule it-"

"No, go to Sarah's school, I wasn't telling you so you would come with me, I was just... letting you know," you said with a shrug.

"You sure?" he questioned, and you nodded.

"I'm sure. I know how to get there now and I feel comfortable with Madeline. I swear, I'll be fine," you told him. He put his phone down on the counter and thought for a moment before leaning forward and lowering his voice.

"This ain't 'bout what happened last time, is it?"

"No!" you said in surprise, and he looked relieved. "Not at all. I'm just trying to... I don't know, take control of my life, I guess?" He nodded but he still looked confused. "What I mean is, I think it's important I do some things for myself. Not that I don't appreciate-"

"I get it," he said with a chuckle as he stood up from his stool. "You just let me know if you change your mind."

"Okay," you replied with a smile, but stopped him when you realized he hadn't touched his water. You held the glass out to him and he stared at it, then looked at you with a sigh before plucking it from your grip and downing the whole thing in one gulp.

"Happy?"

"Very," you said with a grin, and watched him as he walked towards the front door, stopping briefly to chat with Maria before heading back to work.

Joel shoved his hands into the pockets of his dress pants as he walked back to the station, nodding to a few people along the way. He couldn't stop his gaze from traveling up to the window above the pizza place every time he walked by, smiling to himself when he noticed a new plant in your window.

The bullpen sounded quiet as Joel made his way back to his office. He liked quiet days. That was always a good day, in his book. He sat down in his chair with a huff, the little orange light on his desk phone blinking angrily at him, indicating a voicemail. He picked up the phone and punched in his passcode. He was reaching for a pen when the voice on the other end of the phone made him freeze.

"Joel, it's Maddy. Give me a call back when you get this, it's urgent."

Taglist: @harriedandharassed@merz-8@sarap-77@nandan11@anoverwhelmingdin@fandomscollide@survivingandenduring@honeyedmiller@pedropascalsbbg@southernbe@pedrosfanny@gobaaby-blog-blog @eloquentdreamer @yomiyasxx @mrsparknuts@missladym1981@spacedoutdaydreamer @cosmic006533-blog @prettyinpunk85@maried01 @sunnyskyapplepie @sawymredfox@gobaaby-blog-blog@stevie75@mxtokko@sleepylunarwolf@lizzie-cakes@laurrrra@annieispunk@here4thedilfs @navystandardheatingoilcap @slugz-writes-shit@devilbat@ashleyfilm@scp116@tragerlover@iveseenstrangerthings50 @yvonneeeee @brittmb115@lulawantmula@abbysgirlll@ro-nahime-things@whxtedreams@ashhlsstuff@little-pookie@serenadingtigers@paleidiot@ashy-kit@lizlil@detectivejuliuspepperwood@buckyispunk @fckinel @sarahhxx03 @krispeenuggiez @flippittygibbitts@picketniffler@pedroslittlelady

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[drpoisonoaky]

Katara is sick (Part 2)

Part 1

Toph: So I ended up making my statue myself. Zuko: Good riddanc- Spirits what is that smell? Toph: I swear I took a shower today. Zuko: No. This came from the kitchens. Toph: Oh that smell. Definitely, somebody is burning something. It’s gonna be good when princess fussy-pants sees her dinner burned. Payback I gue- Zuko: No way. I can’t believe what my eyes are seeing. Toph: That 's rude. Zuko: I don’t know how to de- Azula: I have no time for your shenanigans, as you perceive I’m busy. Zuko: Torturing a bloodline of seaweed? Toph: Oh men, the snooty princess is cooking? Describe it with all details.  Zuko: It looks bad. Why are you trying to cook? You haven't cooked a single meal in your life. Azula: Katara is sick. Zuko: We know. Toph: So you decided to piss off her ancestors?

Azula: Quite the opposite. A while ago, she told me how her Gran-Gran makes them soup whenever they feel sick, and how she always feels better afterwards. So I’m trying to do that.

Azula: I read all the cooking books but something isn’t right; the soup shouldn’t be black, right?

Azula: Quite the opposite. A while ago she told me how her Gran-Gran makes them soup whenever they feel sick, and how she always feels better afterwards. So I’m trying to do that. Azula: I read all the cooking books but something isn’t right, the soup shouldn’t be black, right? Toph: Who would have thought the prissy princess really has a heart. Zuko: But not the right skills to do that. Stop. Azula: Zuzu, I need to give Katara the soup, I promise her a handmade soup. She looked awful, in her own terms obviously because even she’s sick she’s better than most people in their best da- Zuko: ‘Zula, buy her soup. There’s a great water tribe’s restaurant in 5 minutes. Stop this nonsense. Azula: But it has to be home made. Toph: I’m pretty sure if you go yourself and buy her soup, it counts as homemade. At least it would be edible, and I know Sugar Queen would love that. Azula: Fine. Next to that bakery?  Zuko: Yep. Azula: Ugh. *goes for the soup* Toph: Sparky, is the same chick who conquered Ba Sing Se just destroying a kitchen to make a water tribe’s dish? Zuka: Same old Azula. Toph: And now she’s going, personally, to buy soup for her girl, even though she’s royalty, to give the soup the homemade effect? Zuko: That 's right. Toph: *whistles* The power of Katara. Azula: I STILL CAN HEAR YOU ASSHOLES.

[the-phoenix-heart]

Sorting Hat Chats - A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Heeeey I'm back again. Hunger Games is one of my recent hyperfixations, so I'm doing a sorting of the latest book/film. I'll only be sorting Coriolanus Snow and Lucy-Gray Baird in this post. And Dr. Gaul oops.

An explanation of the system I am using can be found here. (Credit: @wisteria-lodge )

SPOILERS FOR A BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES BOOK AND FILM

LUCY-GRAY BAIRD is a thriving, healthy Snake secondary through and through. She loves performing, she loves playing coy, and she clearly relishes in getting one up on her enemies. This is a woman who turn her death sentence into a concert. Her plan to defeat Reaper, someone larger and deadlier than her, is to piss him off and give him the run around until he dies of exhaustion (or drinks from a poisoned puddle). To get one up on Mayfair when her name is called Lucy-Gray puts a snake in her dress to freak her out and subsequently humiliate her on live TV. No punches held back.

She's described by her actress as "a performer in a hunt," and she is. She always gives off the impression that she is always acting and always authentic in every moment. Snow certainly can never tell if she's lying or not and for all his faults he is smart.

CORIOLANUS SNOW meanwhile is a Bird secondary (I know, oh the irony) and the two secondaries slot in well together. In ABOSAS we see how he is always calculating in every interaction how he can leverage this for the most gain. He wears a carefully manufactured mask playing up whatever trait he has to to get what he wants from the person he is talking to. That's the Actor Bird in him, he can't just become someone like Lucy-Gray can. Which is why Snow works so well as a mentor for her. He can make all the plans he wants and give her every advantage to win, and she can immediately go along with it without skipping a beat.

We also see his Bird secondary on full display when he starts to come into power. He immediately starts making plans for the 11th Hunger Games when he comes back to the Capitol. His signature method for killing people is poison, and in sixty years that never changes. It's a risky plan that always works so why would he change it? And of course we know after he becomes president just how much effort he puts into controlling Katniss with more and more plans.

As for their primaries, well, that's why they constantly misunderstand each other. Coriolanus and Lucy-Gray look at each other and they both see a Snake primary, but those aren't their true sortings. Lucy-Gray is wearing a Snake primary model, and Coriolanus is wearing a Snake primary performance, not even a model.

Lucy-Gray loves the Covey, but at the end of the day when Mayor Lipp wants her dead Lucy-Gray doesn't need to think twice about running away. She knows they can take care of themselves, and she values her own freedom above anything else. It's apparent also in how she treats Billy-Taupe. She loved him once, but the moment he cheated on her she immediately cut him out of her life and doesn't seem to regret that decision. "Without trust you might as well be dead to me."

Lucy-Gray is a Lion primary, and like her secondary it's healthy. Her mantra is "Nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping." She's another example of the Jack Sparrow style of Lion primary, the Fae lion. Freedom is good and control is bad. It's also why when she leaves Snow she makes it a whole production where she sings him "The Hanging Tree" and runs around him as a way to fuck with him. She knows that Corio isn't the man she thought he was and she wants to show him she knows.

Lucy-Gray is the Yin to Katniss's Yang. Katniss is a famous Snake Lion, and Lucy-Gray is the inverse of that, a Lion Snake. That quote about Lucy-Gray being a performer in a hunt is followed by Katniss being "a hunter in a performance." The revolution in a small way begins with Lucy-Gray and is ended by Katniss. Lucy-Gray loves freedom before all else, and that means she is never going to fight the Capitol like Katniss would, "it's too early for [K]atniss," she says. But Katniss is that Snake primary who loves so deeply and devastatingly that of COURSE she would end up fighting the Capitol.

But I think Lucy-Gray likes Snake primaries. I think she likes how much the value freedom, but also the way they value their people. That's what she sees when she sees Snow, a man who will do anything to protect the people he loves over himself. But that's just a performance Snow puts on, because he knows that looks much more nobler than what he actually is.

Snow actually primary matches Lucy-Gray. When we see him he's a young lion. The impression I get from Snow is entitlement. He thinks because of the way he was born that he just inherently deserves to have what is owed to him. But after it's found out that he cheated to help Lucy-Gray win, he is stripped of what little he had and sent to be a peacekeeper. He doesn't know what he wants anymore, because he can't have what he truly wants, so he convinces himself what he wants is Lucy-Gray. Except, the moment he realizes he can absolutely still get that power he turns on her immediately.

His goals never change, in the end Snow does indeed land on top, as he achieves those goals. He becomes president, and then it becomes all about maintaining power and control. And that's the real crux of his Lion primary. Like Lucy-Gray he is a Fae Lion, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. Power and control are good, and he should have that over everyone else in the world. I also see his primary in his method of choice for killing people. He willingly poisons himself so no one catches on, that is some lion devotion to his cause of control.

But, despite him trying to appear completely composed at all times, you can see that very emotional Lion primary underneath it all. I mean, he's clearly obsessed with screwing over Katniss's life in particular because he sees both Lucy-Gray and Sejanus in her. Meanwhile everything he does that fucks with Peeta is to fuck with her, despite the fact that he was also part of that suicide threat. He doesn't like that emotional Lion I think. What he wants is to maintain control over everything, and the appear as though he has this carefully constructed worldview/ideology. He has these intelligent/convincing arguments on the power of hope and the purpose of the games. It can look very Bird to people, and I think it is. DR. GAUL is absolutely a Double Bird Mad Scientist, and I think Snow adopted a Bird primary model based off of hers.

So...

Lucy-Gray Baird - Lion primary, Snake model/Snake secondary

Coriolanus Snow - Lion primary, Bird model and Snake performance/Bird secondary

Dr. Gaul - Bird primary/Bird secondary

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

[marzipanandminutiae]

Mind you I've never read LW but i kinda enjoyed the 2019 movie, why did you hate it? (Maybe i just wanna put Timothee Ch on a leash) feel free to go off 🌷

So, the costumes sucked from a historical perspective. Which would be less Objectively Bad and more Just Not My Thing...if the designers hadn't gone ON AND ON AT LENGTH about how ~Authentic~ they tried to make everything.

Didn't claim accuracy and didn't do accuracy: meh, whatever

DID claim accuracy and didn't do accuracy, AND won an Oscar for it: urge to kill rising

the hair design was particularly egregious, with the designer at one point saying they chose [checks notes] insane flyaways and half-up hair on adult women (who would have worn their hair entirely pinned up, for practical reasons and as a cultural marker of adulthood) because that seemed "more authentic than coiffures"

MORE AUTHENTIC

THAN THE WAY ACTUAL WOMEN BACK THEN

WORE THEIR ACTUAL HAIR

AS DEMONSTRATED IN PHOTOGRAPHS- EVEN CANDIDS -AND PORTRAITS

"blee bloo they didn't have hairspray!!!" THEY HAD POMADE. HAVING YOUR HAIR VERY SMOOTH WAS THE STYLE IN THE 1860S, EVEN FOR POOR WOMEN, AND MASSIVE FLYAWAYS ARE HUGELY IMPRACTICAL, AND NOT ALL FIXATIVES ARE HAIRSPRAY YOU ABSOLUTE-

[Marzi.exe has encountered a problem. please hold]

apart from the hair, there were fit issues and at least one case of Trying To Copy the 1994 Movie, But Worse (Amy's black and white dress in Paris).

1994. the pattern is soutache, a kind of applied trim done with flat cord that was very popular throughout the mid-late 19th century

2019. You cannot tell me the choice to have her in a white dress with black floral patterning, in effectively the exact same scene, was a coincidence.

also I'm pretty sure there was one shot with an actress visibly wearing Uggs. (EDIT- thankfully I am informed that this is a set photo and the Uggs were not visible in the finished film. i had forgotten this. good to know! leaving the pic there because STUPID HAIR and HATLESSNESS)

also the Pretty Pastel Princess Dresses (with overly fluffy attempts at bertha collars) and Matching Long Gloves (wrist gloves were popular for evening back then, and they were almost always white) in the Concord ball scene.

is it a Civil War-era ball, or is it a parade of "southern belles" at Cypress Gardens in 1995? leaning towards the latter.

once again, the choice to put Meg in pink for the ball instead of her book-described blue dress is something 1994 did first, and did better IMO

also Meg's 2015 Coachella wedding look, the fact that none of these girls from a poor family seemed to wear each other's old clothes ever, and the lazy choice to dress Jo in half-menswear instead of actually looking into menswear-inspired women's clothing in the era (which was a Thing!). but more than just the costumes pissed me off

they just...didn't seem to understand the era, or want to, or care? it was a bunch of little things that served to make it all more #relatable to modern audiences but ultimately undermined the setting:

Marmee telling a random young man she's never properly met to call her Marmee, because "everyone does." her DAUGHTERS call her that. her ACTUAL CHILDREN. who the hell else would? it's not a derivative of her name; it's a variant of Mama. Laurie can graduate to Marmee when he's an actual family friend

Jo wearing some of Laurie's clothing because "she stole it when they were hanging out in his room," according to an interview. um, NO NO AND NO, they are teenagers and that would distinctly not fly on several levels even in her progressive family. I might actually buy this if it were like "he gave them some clothes for an amateur theatrical and she kept them;" the actual Alcott sisters had a costume trunk for their plays, which is still on display at their house. but these writers clearly think a teenage boy and girl could be in his bedroom together unsupervised, for long periods of time, habitually, in 1860-whatever. which is absolutely incorrect

Jo saying "okay" in refusing Laurie's proposal. this is so tiny, I know, but while that term did already exist, it was a joke phrase only. this would be like saying "lol" while turning down your best friend's proposal today. once again, it's an example of Relatability mattering more than actually understanding the world these characters lived in

there are more, but I've blocked them out. I just really, really hated it on many levels

[sparrowlovesskittles]

Shadow spoilers under the cut

Review time!

Holy fuck it was SO GOOD.

THINGS I ENJOYED

THE FROG SCENE. My new favourite warriors moment. I need to draw Nightheart with a frog suckered onto his face. Incredible. Nightheart is such a silly goofy guy and I'm so glad he gets to do stupid things each book.

SPLASHTAIL!!!!!! This is a BIG one for me, and ohhhh he was so evil it was so GOOD. We really got to see his manipulative side come out here and I adored it

Splashtail rejecting Frostpaw because it would be weird to date an apprentice. It's a small thing, but it's nice to have a little bit of canon saying hey. Stop.

Frostpaw slowly realising something is Wrong in RiverClan, but still turning to Splashtail because he built up trust between them. It's so clever and dark

Harelight! I like the guy and I'm glad he gets a little bit of spotlight. It's also nice to see him telling Frostpaw that he can help her learn to disguise her pale coat, I feel like I haven't seen that mentioned in a while.

Cloverfoot mentioning how Mistystar decorated her den with shells and feathers!!

Frostpaw getting to girlboss a bit. It was nice! She knows what's right for her and you CANNOT change her mind!

HER ENDING????? OH MY GOD I feel stupid but I did NOT see that coming I was so shocked it was like Curlfeather all over again LMAO. Why did they wait until she was right outside WindClan though. She'll be found and live. I highly doubt they'd kill off their best protagonist on book 3.

The trials! I know they were maybe a bit boring but I actually liked seeing them, AND seeing Berryheart get more and more pissed off throughout the book LMAO. Hilarious how they gave Nightheart a trial he basically already did last book (stealing from the twolegs)

Tigerstar hates socks

Berryheart. She's terrible. It's fun.

Sunbeam is still a pushover. Sure she stands up for herself a bit more now, but she usually chooses to back down in the face of conflict. I'm glad she's kept her personality after getting with Nightheart, which leads me to...

Sunbeam and Nightheart's relationship. I actually thought they were written okay for once. Sunbeam is not so sure about him at first (and is reasonably upset he publicly declared his love for her and decided to move in with her without consulting her first) but we actually get to see her come to appreciate him more. It's not the strongest romance obviously, but for warrior cats, the way it was handled in this book (not the other two) was actually not that bad, and I didn't mind that they stayed together in the end. I liked seeing them spend time together and I liked the way they described each other's personality traits. Sunbeam thinking Nightheart's confidence was attractive, and Nightheart thinking about how he'll miss her cleverness and courage more than anything else. I dunno, I felt pleasantly surprised.

Nightheart realising he was being unreasonable and coming to understand his family's reasons for acting the way they did, and especially the way he reconciled with Sparkpelt! They both got a chance to apologise and forgive each other (and themselves) and it was really nice to see.

Sunbeam saying Blazefire 'broke up' with her?? Warriors never uses this casual language for relationships, especially when they weren't even officially mates to begin with, it was kinda jarring to see but I liked it

THINGS I DID NOT ENJOY

Nightheart's sudden switch back to ThunderClan feels sudden and unearned. He was literally fighting with Sparkpelt and Finchlight earlier in the book and then at some point he realised he was wrong for that off screen. Also I was kind of unreasonably irritated that he failed his last task on purpose lmao

Frostpaw not telling anyone anything. Frostpaw please talk to people.

WHY DID EVERYONE FORGET ABOUT TREE??????? WHY ISN'T TREE MEDIATING??????????????

MIXED FEELINGS

Squirrelstar. While I'm happy Bramblestar is stepping down, I'm not jazzed about Squirrelstar. I like Squirrelflight, but she's been around a long time now and I want someone newer. To be honest, I'm basically waiting for the older characters to die out at this point, and if Squirrelflight's going to stick around for the next several arcs, she's going to become the next Mistystar.

Sunbeam moving to ThunderClan. While I predicted this would happen, and it's kind of fun for now, it means we now have two perspectives in ThunderClan AGAIN. I am begging warrior cats to let go of ThunderClan. Having two POV characters in the same overused clan is not as fun as they think it is. Also, Sunbeam saying 'Berryheart was right about everything' then immediately changing her mind was kinda disappointing. Let Sunbeam have a villain arc.

[stargirlfeyre]

List all the things you don’t want to happen that could make you stop reading SJM books if she writes it in her next two books, Go go go for some fun!

Others can add onto this post with the things that would turn them off of SJM books going forward. We got ACOSF being as bad as it was, how much worse do we think her next books will be? What could make us lose respect for her after already dealing with how bad ACOSF was?

I.e.

1. Elain becoming a High Lady of Spring or Dusk

2. Nesta losing her powers

3. Nesta ruling Hewn once Keir dies instead of Mor if SJM has Feysand split the court to getting retconned being two of my 🚩flags

4. Gifting the Moonstone Palace or Town house to a sister

5. Forcing way too many Rhys scenes with Nesta the way she forced Az to always be around her in Acosf 🥴

6. Another sister being referred to as a Queen might piss me off to no end not going to lie

Either of the sisters becoming HighLadies tbh.

Connected to number 1, Azriel or Cassian becoming HighLords.

Tamlin redemption or major involvement (anything that’s not death or eternal misery for him is a no for me).

Never having a proper conversation between the sisters and just having them move on with their lives as if nothing happened.

More retcons about what happened in the cabin so the sisters can look better (ie Feyre teaching Nesta how to use a bow, or Nesta never knowing that Feyre was illiterate).

Forced bonding scenes between Rhys and Feyre’s sisters.

Forced bonding scenes between Mor and Nesta.

Mor getting any kind of heat for “how she treated Azriel”. I know this whole narrative of Mor being a pick me or purposely leading Azriel on is more of a fandom thing but if Sjm writes any of the characters having that opinion of Mor I’m dropping the book.

Love triangle between Elain/Azriel/Gwyn. Not even kidding if Sjm writes the next books as a live triangle with Azriel in the middle, I’m only skimming it for FeysandNyx moments. (I have a sneaky feeling that she’s going to make Gwyn Azriel’s mate and then have him choose between what fate picked for him and what he picked for himself).

More training montages.

Feyre being sidelined or overly coddled since she now has a baby. I love that the people around her are protective over her and Nyx but let’s be real. This is the girl that freed an entire continent at 19. And while she was still human at that.

If everything that went on between the sisters is described as “sibling fights” again or if Elain’s pov goes above and beyond to try and justify her treatment of Feyre.

If Feysand (or specifically Feyre cause it happens with her a lot) are made to suffer for other characters’ development.

[logarithmicpanda]

The Magicians - Lev Grossman

So I just finished rereading The Magicians. It has been years. I’m pretty sure I read it for the first time a bit before 2014. I vaguely remembered major plot points, and having a conflicted opinion on it, and that still very much holds, but I don’t regret rereading it.

Let’s start with the bad:

Women - like most of the characters - are treated through the lenses of Quentin’s perception of them. This makes them belong to one of three categories: - mother figures, good only to cater to Q’s emotional needs - objects of desire, often to be denied but not that often, considering Q has literally nothing to offer as a person lmao - or unfuckable therefore unnoticeable. I swear every description of a female character stated if she was hot. At least one adjective was applied to her boobs. Men are barely described at all, which is funny given that Q quite literally is a disaster bisexual (derogatory). He watches one of his bros give someone a blow job, and feels vaguely offended said bro didn’t come to him if he wanted to suck dick. Later on, it is heavily implied that Q has a threesome with that bro and a girl, but the only explicitly mentioned part is the sex with the girl. In general, queer characters are given a weird treatment. Also I’m definitely too ace to relate to the amount of (thankfully not dwell on) sex in this book.

Anyway, Q’s character in general is pretty much irredeemable to me lol. He is so self centered he never understands why anyone is pissed off at him, keeps whining that he is a poor, misunderstood geek, and still has sex with two different women that are both smart and hot, plus is propositioned by at least one other. What they all see in him is beyond me. He cheats on his girlfriend and she stills care more about taking care of him than her own safety (even if she gets some amount of revenge sleeping with a guy he hates). There’s also some degree of albeism in the books, mostly implied, never quite touched on.

Wow, you might think. What can I possibly like about this book after all this?

Well, conceptually it does a lot of things I adore. It goes back on classic portal fantasy tropes and play on what happens when people are sent back home. Most of the main plot is about a boy who became a monster so he never had to go home again. There’s a whole deconstruction of the notion that there is a singular thing that will save you from depression. Q keeps running after things, thinking that they will make him happy for good, and is explicitly called out for this attitude. That’s probably the main way in which I find some positive sentiment towards him. I used to believe that, too. That I would magically find the one thing that would fix me.

The magic system is deep and interesting. It focuses on the amount of work that goes into it, how not fun it is, and I find that to be a cool take. It still allows the characters to do amazing things, and there’s some degree of unknown to it, which I love in magic systems. The “world between world” they use to go to their portal realm is well done, with that same balance of rationality and wonder. It feels mysterious, yet makes sense.

Beyond these things, there is a whole portrayal of the kind of dread you’re faced with when you do “higher studies” and pour all your mind into an endeavor that by very definition ends, leaving you stranded and emotionally stunted.

I’m getting rambly, but I think I highlighted the main aspects I love and hate in this book. I’ll pick the second one in coming months. I’m sure I will feel equally elated and enraged. Somehow, that tension creates a lot of emulsion in my own creative process, and I intend to milk it for all its worth lol

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Exploring Adaptation and Bridgerton

There comes a point where a girl can't deny she has engaged in a fandom. It probably is well before you start writing fic (you can find The Polin Fic on Ao3), but y'know, here we are. Let's talk Bridgerton.

Ok, couple things right off the top.

We are not dealing with either The Duke and I or S1 of Bridgerton on Netflix. We are not dealing with *THAT* scene and it's complete disregard for consent. Find that somewhere else on the internet, it's a big place.

We are literally only talking about The Viscount Who Loved Me and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton. They're the only books I've read, and at this point they're the only books in this series I care to read. That means we'll also chat about S2 of Netflix's Bridgerton.

Ok, with the ground rules established, let's jump on in!

I think the reasonable place to start here is with Kate. I watched Bridgerton the Netflix series before reading The Viscount Who Loved Me, and Kates Sheffield and Sharma are objectively not the same woman. They wouldn't even LIKE each other. Kate Sharma is self-assured, confident, driven, and quite frankly, a force of nature when she wants to be. Kate Sharma understands that not only is she a grown ass woman but also that if she does not get in gear and go for her goals, they ain't happening. You guys, I freaking love Kate Sharma.

By contrast, Kate Sheffield is a blond, blue-eyed, infantilized debutante with some serious unresolved PTSD. I was not at all sorry to see that Shondaland did away with THAT library scene and THAT bee sting scene. I think that the show did both of them way better, and I will never be mad when an adaptation takes an adult female character and lets her ACT like an adult. I also appreciated the shift from creepy Anthony trying to *checks notes* suck the venom out of the bee sting to a full-blown panic attack. It subverted a highly gendered trope and put both Kate and Anthony on a much more even and human footing. It was also--and I cannot stress this enough--so much LESS CREEPY than the book scene. Anthony describing what he was doing in detail while the reader is told but not shown that he's panicky left several different flavors of bad taste in my mouth. Kate Sharma showing actual dimensionality in her strength in the show in this scene as Anthony goes fully nonverbal is objectively a stronger scene that does far more to develop the characters.

Generally speaking, Anthony Bridgerton is Anthony Bridgerton in both the show and the book, with maybe some of the high-and-mighty, self-righteous edges sanded off for the show. He's a regency era Viscount, there's not a whole lot you can do with him in adaptation. Show Anthony is my preference because he has some of the high-handedness sanded off, and because Jonathan Bailey is extremely nice to look at. I don't even hate the S1 (*gasp* she mentioned Bruno!) sideburns and hair, they had a very 1995 Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy vibe that I was willing to lean into. I honestly don't have a whole lot else to say about Anthony, so let's move on and hope that maybe we get an S3 release date before I get to the end of this post.

I actually thoroughly enjoyed the fluffy confection that is Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, which makes it much harder to talk about than The Viscount Who Loved Me. I suppose the biggest difference between the book and what the show is setting up for Polin is in the stakes. The book stakes are arguably extremely low; the consequences for being Lady Whistledown in the book are essentially a round of polite applause and some deep-seated rage that Cressida freaking Cowper would dare to take credit for Penelope's work. And frankly, I was 100% with Penelope on that one. The show cannot possibly roll with that ending (or if they do, they're going to disappoint everyone) because Penelope has pissed off a reigning monarch, and that has, historically, gone poorly. So I think the show is setting up to give Colin real, concrete reasons to be pissed as hell when it comes out that Penelope is Whistledown, and to actually make the pair work for their romance. And for all I enjoyed the fluff in the book, I am a sucker for multiple layers of increasingly high stakes and I hope the show really goes ham on the payoff for this setup. Frankly, I want Colin to be absolutely furious with Penelope and still ready to sneak her out of England if the Queen decides that Lady Whistledown is too dangerous to leave at liberty.

In terms of how Colin himself changes in the show, I'm fairly cool with the "I am a bottomless pit where is the food" aspect of Colin's character being quietly left behind. I think we can do more interesting things with our male characters than that. However, like many of the people who have both read the book and kept up with the show, I am WORRIED about how much Colin's writing has been downplayed. Yes, he and Penelope have a correspondence, and clearly they mean a lot to each other, but writing letters does not necissarily set up Colin's journals and the writing relationship that the two develop in the book. It's so, so wildly uncommon for game to recognize game and form a partnership of equals in skill in regency romance novels, and that was one of the things I loved about Romancing Mr. Bridgerton. I also loved that Colin, not Penelope, was the less experienced newbie of the writing partnership.

Not that the book didn't complicate this issue, because Julia Quinn didn't hesitate for a millisecond to slot Penelope into the historical role of "uncredited, unpaid, and historically unknown editor and 80% of the reason that history remembers the husband who's name is on the cover of the book." And that SUCKS for Penelope.

That takes me really smoothly into the thing that I love most about what Nicola Coughlan brings to Penelope in the show. She has an edge, a little more willingness to take risks, and that really makes me believe that the Penelope of the show could be behind the edgier, sharper, WAY riskier Whistledown. I am excited to see what they do with Polin in S3!

[triplexdoublex]

Her saying she uses words of affirmations on her sons every single day and then turning around and putting Colson down in that book, in her captions, putting abuse claims on him and describing him in such a negative way pisses me off. So bad. He deserves to have someone who actually uses affirmations on him in such a positive way and not describe his past or problems/mental health like it’s a curse that he will never get rid of and it’s messed up that she used his stories (his birth story, the story of his cousin trying to kill him and his dads alcoholism or as she says generations curse) in her book. Idc wat Colson says it’s extremely messed up.

My exact thoughts when she said that !!

[neverlearnedtoread]

The Dragon Republic

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐; rin making bad decisions like they’re going on sale at the market, arms full of regrets, guilt, mistakes, and self-destructive coping mechanisms: i can fit in one more

Oh?? 👌😉😏

rf kuang gave us an unflinching exploration on the cycles of violence and oppression, dissected the ever-escalating chain of vengeance, and the good good of eastern-inspired mythology?? like ma’am.....the good food im eating at your feast.....ive been so hungry

the lore deserves its own point. it was so effortlessly woven into the story, especially the way it tied into certain characters’ backstories. i can’t say much more because spoilers but if you like integrated worldbuilding and you like chinese-inspired magic systems get over here!!

the friendships. namely rin 🤝 kitay. miss kuang you know what really matters, and its not 10398 handsome men, its one ride-or-die bff holding you back or yeeting you into the midst of battle as needed

grimdark, but not oppressively depressing? im not sure how to describe it..the story gives you enough adrenaline to power through with the sheer speed of reading to find out what happens next, but doesn’t pull its punches. i think its partly that rin herself ploughs through the narrative like she’s trying to outrun the events, giving the reader the momentum to move with her

No.. ❌🤢🤮

i took a screenshot when my friend and i were planning to do a buddy read together. the trigger warnings took up an entire page. do not screw around with this. there’s no shame in tapping out for any book, but especially this one

some characters die, and i specifically blame rin for it. i mean there were a lot of other factors, but in the spirit of the phoenix herself i am choosing to close my eyes to the rationality of working through my feelings of grief in a healthy way and plunge straight into being pissed off about it, forever. *wipes tear* just like rin taught me

did suffer from a bit of middle book syndrome, at least to me. i mean, i finished an 800~ page book in 8 hours of reading time, so maybe don’t believe me, but the first half of the book dragged more than i remember the poppy war did. i will admit a lot of that was because rin was in no position to be a rational, active protagonist. the narrative needed her to flounder, and she did.

Summary: Rin goes unhinged 2: water dragon boogaloo (ive tried and tried to write an actual summary for this book but i don’t think i can top this throwaway line i wrote as a placeholder)

Concept: 💭💭💭💭💭 Where to start? There are historical influences, commentary on social issues and the impact of violence on communities both physical and otherwise, the slow and terrible descent of a beaten-down protagonist. Basically a checklist of stuff I like exploring in high fantasy settings!

This is the second book in a trilogy - spoilers ahead!

Execution: 💥💥💥💥 Rin doesn’t like politics, and I think that made the narrative drag a lot initially as the moving parts tried to be interesting but through Rin’s jaded lens were stripped of their veneer. Kuang was more than ambitious with her sophomore book, and I know that she was open about struggling with the pacing of TDR while she was writing it - still, I think there’s more than something to be said about shooting for the stars! I didn’t think any part of the book dropped the ball, but the nature of all the heavy topics it was trying to handle became a hefty meal to swallow

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤ Like I said, I read this book over 3-ish days in 8 hours. The library copy I had said it was 800 pages. I felt as powerful as Rin when I finished. The first half was a little dead in the water (which is a pun, yes, how many damn times did someone fall into the water and nearly drown in this book?? smh) but nothing I couldn’t handle with a little exasperation at Rin’s...*gestures* mental landscape. But when we reached the lore about Su Daji, and the Trifecta, and their chosen gods....i broke into a flat-out sprint. I was naruto-running through the plot.

Favourite Moment: it’s a battle to the death between the scenes with the trifecta backstories and the rin 🤝 kitay scenes

Favourite Character: chaghan, because i loved his backstory so, so, so much....also I didn’t know that handholding scene in the mountains was like. canon. and not fanon. rin really looked homosexuality in the eye and said ‘huh?’ with her whole chest.

[locallyloathed]

Error Code #1345 (Chapter 2)

Yandere!Ted x Schizoid!Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

CW: head injury, very brief mention of suicidal thoughts

Previous

A/N: Well, a month later than anticipated, here we are. I do ask before reading that you keep in mind that this is taking place when the survivors FIRST woke up in AM. Which means that 1: the characters behave in the way they’re described to have been when they first arrived (Gorrister being a pacifist, Benny being a pissed off but normal looking person, etc.) and 2: that I had to make up the first interaction and will continue to have to make up interactions because there’s no canon material I could find about anyone other than AM prior to the events of the book/game. I’m no happier about this than you are, so if you know a place where I can find additional info other than the game’s guide, I’d appreciate it. Anyway, enjoy!

PS: I apologize if it rushed feels towards the end. If ever I finish the story, I’ll be going through to edit everything I’ve written to suit my standards. Currently, however, I’m taking a “doesn’t have to be perfect, just has to be done” approach.

“…llo? Oh, ple… ay!”

A groan of irritation forces itself from my throat as someone continues to try and shake me from my sleep.

“…alive! Than… ns! C… on, we need you to wake up!”

Like a computer booting up, I do a diagnostic on my body as the unfamiliar voice continues to get on my nerves. I’m on my back, and there isn’t a single part of my body that doesn’t feel like it’s been run over by a steam roller. In spite of this, my extremities are still functional, proven as I stretch my hands and ball them into fists. Arms and legs next. With another sound of displeasure, the little energy I have left in my body is put into heaving my legs up and pushing myself onto my elbows. So far, so goo-

A surging wave of pain sears my vision white, and it takes all I have in me not to scream. I give up the fight and let my elbows drop me back to the ground. Bad move on my part, as the back of my head slams back down onto the metal beneath, causing another flash of agony. I’m less successful at this attempt to bite back a pained noise. Next thing I know, hands are being put on me again, and I instinctively struggle to remove them.

“Hey, hey, calm down!” The voice is back, and with my senses less impaired than they were a while ago, I register it as a woman, a hint of a faded urban accent in her tone. “Just let me help you, baby, you’re gonna be alright.” Easy for you to say, you’re not functionally blind with a stranger touching you after waking up from…

My heart rate quickens as my memory comes back in a flash more painful than the ache on the back of my head. My cat. The earthquakes. The bombs. The tunnel. With a newfound vigor, I renew my efforts to sit up, propping myself up on my elbows once more, this time with the assistance of the woman. “That’s it, you’re doing great.” While my mind told me to snap at her for patronizing me, I fight back the urge. Odds are I’m one hell of a sorry sight right now, and she sounds like she’s further in years than I am. It’s not a surprise she’d try to be a mother hen. The two of us work to heave me up until I’m sitting up, albeit with my arms draped over my knees and my head sagging to rest atop them as I work to refocus my vision. Another bad idea.

Everything is hazy and dark, but I find as my eyes readjust that it’s not on account of the injury; that’s just what it looks like down here. The rusted, warped metal of the tunnel that swallowed me down lines nearly every square inch of this nightmarish cavern, broken up by wires as thick as my torso and floodlights too faded to do much of anything. I can’t see the end of the space I occupy, the vast emptiness of the environment looming over me as if I’d simply fallen into purgatory itself. Chucks of scrap seem to have fallen from the ceiling, and the headache-inducing sound of creaking metal has me looking above my head in fear of a cave in. As I tilt my head up, my aching neck crying in protest, the only things I can see are a pitch black abyss that obscures my entryway and in my peripheral vision, a dark, weathered face staring at me from my left side.

Relaxing my neck back onto my folded arms, I tilt my head towards the woman, peering at her with a sideways view. I was right about her being older than me, appearing to be in her thirties or fourties. Her skin is a deep shade of brown, her hair so black I can barely make it out in the darkness. If I squint I can make out her eyes, tired and lined with a hint of wrinkles, looking at me with an air of concern and apprehension. The most visible aspect of her appearance is her firetruck red lipstick and attire, a shade bright enough to nearly glow in the haze around us. As my eyes, upon completing their analysis, begin to drift further to the side, I notice that we’re not the only ones down here, though their silhouettes and muttered speech grant little in the way of information.

“Think you can stand?” The woman reaches a hand out as though to touch my folded elbow, but she hesitates as I tense up in discomfort. After floating in uncertainty for a moment, the hand proceeds to settle upon my arm anyway, and I glare at the opposing limb and the stranger attached to it, the apprehension in her eyes overpowering the worry for a moment. “I know you’ve been through the ringer - hell, we all have today - but it doesn’t seem safe here. We need to get somewhere more structurally sound.”

Despite my best efforts to find an argument, I feel as though the bulk of my verbosity splattered out of my ears upon impact, leaving me witless and incapable of butting heads with anyone at the moment. I shake her hand off my elbow and set my palms on the rusty floor. A shudder goes up my spine at the disgusting texture, but I file that away as the least of my worries right now. I hoist myself up to fold my right leg under me and use my left leg as a crutch to rise off the ground, every ounce of effort in my body directed at keeping my balance.

Apparently I was light a few ounces, as I feel myself start to tip over. The fall never comes, though. My bracing for impact proves useless as a body quickly finds its way next to me, hands wrapped in firm grasps around my biceps to coerce me to stand upright. The world continues to wobble under my feet, the room spinning around my eyes, but I shake the hands off and muster up the strength to turn towards the intruder of my personal space without landing on my ass.

Appearing taken aback by my struggle, the blonde man put his hands up as if in defense. “Easy now,” he said, southern drawl thick in his voice. He took a step back, gesturing to the slight pool of blood that must’ve formed around my head while I was out. “We’d all thought you were a goner, ‘cept for her. Lost a helluva lotta blood there.”

I try to respond, but my voice comes out dry and choked, garnering further concern from the lady in red. I put a hand up to stop her and clear my throat. “I’m fine,” is all I managed to croak out. It doesn’t feel convincing, and their reactions assure me it didn’t sound convincing either. Unshaken, I turn to glance at the other strangers, who haven’t seemed to have acknowledged my existence and instead continue to bicker amongst themselves.

“If we don’t stay here, how is anyone going to find us?”

“And who, precisely, do you anticipate will be finding us?”

“Old man’s right, we need to set out to find food and more stable shelter.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere!”

“If you want to rot away in here, that’s your prerogative. I’m sure we’d all love a break from the whining.”

“Excuse me?!”

Well, this is going to be miserable. I glance at the blonde man, who appears to be watching the spectacle with a sense of disapproval. “They’ve been at this for ‘bout half an hour. Ain’t doing any favors for anyone.”

“They’d better figure it out,” the woman mutters. “This place is messing with my head. The quicker we’re out of here, the better.”

I cross my arms and murmur out something like an agreement. No matter how many times I scan my dim surroundings to ensure a lack of cameras, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that someone is watching us. That they’re finding all this amusing. And judging by the blonde’s tense posture and the woman’s darting eyes, they can feel it too. The rest of them, though…

“Shut up!” a gravelly voice booms, echoing off the vast metal walls. “We’ve wasted enough damn time already! We’re looking for a way out!” One of the three men spins around to look at us, and I startle despite myself. “You lot, hurry up! Let’s go!”

He begins to make his way towards the three of us, shaking off the hand of the silhouette that moved to grab at his sleeve. “I’m telling you, this is a horrible idea!” As the pair get closer, I can begin to make out details in the gloom. The one striding toward us is a mountain of a man, towering over everyone in the cavern. Judging by the way he carried himself, I know he could kill me with his bare hands, and his face, angular and cruel, tells me he just might. I suppress the animal instinct to back away as he approaches.

The other shape that keeps trying to dart in front of him is minuscule in comparison, though about five times as noisy. As the two come to a stop a few feet away from us, the smell of overpriced cologne assaults my senses, causing me to cough. He appears to be a twig of a man, his sullied, tailored clothes not doing him any favors to dispel that impression. With the constant chatter and nervous demeanor, he almost reminds me of a pampered, overgrown rat.

The larger man barks out at us, “Are you all fucking deaf? I said let’s go!” The three of us glance at each other. On one hand, it’s not a good idea to wander off when you get lost; it’s best to stay where you are so it’ll be easier to find you. On the other, the man with the german accent makes a good point. Who would find us? The earth’s been scorched and odds are any search and rescue teams aren’t prioritizing six people who fell into a metal cavern.

All this in mind, I give a brief shrug and step forward. “Alright, sure.”

The ratty man whirled around to look me in the eyes. “Have you lost it? We have no way of knowing where to go!”

“No, we don’t,” I say, “but since the alternative seems to be standing here blubbering about it, I say we set out.”

“It’s not blubbering,” the man hisses at me, leaning in far too close for my liking. “It’s being reasonable.”

“Firstly, get the hell out of my face,” I bite out, leaning backwards as far as I can with an impaired sense of balance. “Secondly, if you wanna ‘reasonably’ sit here waiting for the charcoal skeletons up there to save you, that’s your call.” I can see his chest puffing up with a response, but we both find ourselves being pushed back by a hand on our chest, which I hurriedly push away.

“That’s enough,” the woman interjected, stepping between the two of us. “Nothing’s gonna get done if we just keep shouting at each other.” The rat opens his mouth again, only to be met with a finger pointed at his face. “I get not wanting to leave, but you know good as the rest of us nobody’s gonna be coming down here.”

The man’s glare turns from me, eyes settling upon the lady. I watch as his demeanor goes from combative to docile as he heaves out a sigh. “I suppose you’re right,” he says, the malice in his voice extinguished. He moves aside, turning to look at the increasingly impatient brute of a man. “I take it you plan on leading the way?”

“You see anyone else here who could?” he sneered.

The rat glances between the woman, the blonde man, and me as if desperate for a rebuttal. “Why not him?” He suggests, gesturing to the blonde man, who seems to snap back to reality upon his acknowledgment.

The blonde shifts in discomfort. “I’d rather you don’t drag me into the fightin’, if it’s all the same to you.”

“Come on, sir,” the man says, his voice making a good effort to not come out as a beg. “You seem to have a more level head than the rest of us, and I feel like that’s just what we need here!”

Not able to care less about who gets to lead the field trip into oblivion, I turn my attention to the final stranger, the German, who hasn’t spoken up since the rest of us were dragged into the shouting match. He stands several feet from the chaos, watching it unfold with a critical expression. To be frank, I’m amazed he’s even able to stand. He looks to be nothing more than a bag of bones, the skin of his face sagging to a haunting extent. His eyes settle upon me and I feel a shiver run down my spine, though I do my best to hide it. While his body is as fragile as glass and paper, his eyes are focused and borderline malicious in a way I can’t articulate.

I force my eyes back upon the rest of the crowd, noting that it seems that despite the rat’s pleading, the brute seems to have come out on top. He herds the rest of them together, and when he gives me a sharp look, I roll my eyes and join the group. His eyes flare in irritation, but my compliance seems like just enough to pacify him. He clears his throat before addressing us.

“Most of us arrived from the northern side of this cave, so we’re leaving on the south side.” As if he has a fucking clue which way’s north or south.

“Wait, but then wouldn’t it make more sense to head north?” Oh great, the rat’s not done.

“I’m with ya. If we got in that way, it’s likely we’d a way out that way.” I thought you didn’t want to lead.

“And maybe there’s more people that way that need help!” As if we don’t have enough problems as is, lady.

“We do not know any of that is true.” Thanks for the helpful input, creep.

“Enough!” The brute’s voice booms off the walls once more, doing little to help my headache. “I said we go south, so we go south! We don’t need any more dead weight! Six people is more than enough!”

“Oh, come now, Benny, surely you have room for one more?”

The air stands still. The creaking metal and buzzing wires that had once filled the cavern seem to be holding their breath the same way all of us are. I don’t have to see any of their faces to know what they look like. What they’re thinking. That none of us wants to be the first one to acknowledge where the intruder’s voice came from. That it came from the walls and the ceiling and the floor and yet, somehow from inside each of our minds.

Against all our internal wishes, the voice returns with a cackle. “Why so tense? Don’t let me stop you.” While seeming masculine, the voice seems… artificial, somehow. Like it was never meant to exist, but forced itself into reality anyway. “I don’t see what all the fuss is about, just carry on with your-“

“How the fuck do you know my goddamn name?!” The brute, or I suppose, Benny, shouts at the ceiling in terror. “Who the hell are you, you fucking bastard?!”

“Ooh, temper, temper,” the voice mocks, glee evident in its voice. “We have plenty of time for introductions.” It drops down to a threatening, nearly tangible rumble. “More time than your pathetic minds could ever understand.”

“What do you mean by that?” The rat squeaks, shrinking his head down into his shoulders as if to hide.

“My apologies! Here I’d thought you were familiar with introductions, Ted,” the voice returning to its original snarky tone. “I figured all those men and women you charmed would’ve been practice enough.”

There’s a moment of silence, just a beat, and I watch as Ted’s hunched posture freezes in place. He begins to shake, his hands curling up into tight fists held to his side as if his arms were tied against his body. He seems terrified, more terrified than one should be after such a trivial observation.

“Trivial observation?” The offended shout sinks deep into my bones, and the others look at each other in confusion. “You’ve wasted your whole life on meaningless observations, and you have the utter gall to deem others’ as trivial?” I can feel everyone’s eyes land on me one by one, and I find myself beginning to shrink in the same way as Ted.

“Oh dear, so many eyes on you. Always hated that didn’t you? When people can see through that little stone mask you put up? Fine and dandy when you sit there and observe their weaknesses like rats in a cage, but heaven forbid you become the show. Careful now, they might just see right through you. See how weak and pathetic you really are. Let’s face it, even if those humans you deigned to call family weren’t - how did you put it? ‘Charcoal skeletons?’ - they wouldn’t even notice you were gone, would they? Would never think to look for you. Why would they even care? Your life was over long before they died.”

The wave of fear and regret that washes over my body almost knocks me over in my weakened state. I catch the eye of the woman in red, who seems perplexed by my behavior, and I realize that only part of his taunting was aloud. I struggle to find comfort in that knowledge. Just as I see the question of “Are you okay?” forming on her mouth, the voice, in all its horrible glory, sets its sights on her.

By now, I was far too shaken to care much for what it, or what he, or whatever, used as ammunition against the others. I catch a few words, but they come separately as my mind retreats further into the presumed safety of my subconscious amidst the rising panic. A fear of yellow. Thoughts of suicide. A failing memory. A history of violence. Skeletons ripped out of all of our closets, secret shames laid bare to the small crowd of strangers. One by one, each person is faced with their past, with only a single apparent common theme that unites us.

Pathetic, wretched little humans.

Whether this went on for only a minute or a quarter of an hour, I can’t say. All I can say is that as the voices all die out, and the six of us are left in silence, trembling, waiting for… something. Anything. I pull myself from inside my head, sneaking a glance at the others. Despite how hard some of them try to hide it, fear has grabbed hold of our souls and is squeezing the air from our bodies.

The old blonde, whose name I only know started with a G, is the only among us to find the courage to speak. “Who… who are you?” His voice is shaky and quiet, and I doubt that the intangible being can even hear it.

Despite those doubts, or potentially because of them, a horrendous, echoing laugh bellows through the expansive room. “How rude of me!” he exclaims, “You really wanna know?” The voice lowers once more, whispering as if to tell us a secret.

“You are to call me AM. And believe me, by the time I’m through with you all, that name and the hate it contains will be seared into your skulls until all you know is pain.”

[PLEASE NOTE: ALL FUTURE UPDATES ARE TO BE POSTED ON MY ALT ACCOUNT @legiblyloathed]

[godsofhumanity]

⚝── 30 DAY HC’S | PERSEPHONE ──⚝

PERSEPHONE | lightly tanned skin. deep green eyes. magenta-coloured hair, wavy and to her should blades. a slender frame, but not tiny. average height.

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Persephone, Persephone, Persephone. was there ever a mythical character who's story has been told as many times as hers?

to begin with, a little character defining... i think Persephone's most noticeable quality is how kind she is. this girl is the definition of sweet. she's caring, she's respectful.

i've said this before, but i love the idea that pretty much no one has beef with her. if anyone gets into a fight with Persephone, they're just jealous of how near-perfect she is.

that's not to say she is perfect though.. i think Persephone's fatal flaw is that, like so many other queens, she has a terrible rage hidden within her. and she can be very cold and ruthless when she lets herself go. but more on that later.

her kindness is, without a doubt, what attracts Hades to her. let me step back a bit and explain my idea of Persephone's story from the start:

Demeter keeps Persephone away from Olympus because she knows how terrible the gods and goddesses in Olympus can be... Demeter is, in my books, the most damaged of all the Olympian gods- she gets taken advantage of so many times, it makes sense to me that she would keep her daughter away from it all.

but i think Demeter knows that she can't lock Persephone out of Olympus forever- when ur parents bans something explicitly and outright, it makes that thing all the more alluring to you. so i think Persephone does visit Olympus sometimes.. to bring fruits of the harvest, to replace the ambrosia, etc. she just doesn't stay long enough to make any connections with anyone.

i like the idea that all gods get "presented" to Zeus so he can assign them a domain.. a Baptism of sorts, if you will. so when Demeter brings Persephone to receive her blessing from Zeus, i think it's the first time that the other gods really see her and get to know her. and naturally, she's beautiful.. everyone's proposing marriage to her instantly.

BUT, i hc that Zeus doesn't let her go so easily. he's still her father, he still respects Demeter's decision to keep her away from Olympus, so he tells his sons that she's off limits. no one marries Persephone, she goes back home.

and yet... there is one person, not a son of Zeus, who notices Persephone- Hades. i don't think Hades has ever been immune to the charms of a woman.. i think he's had plenty of relationships of his own, he just never made anything permanent because it's a tall order to ask someone to be a ruler of the dead, no matter how much they love you... so i like the idea that even though Hades likes Persephone, it's just a fleeting thought to him- he never actually considers marrying her.

UNTIL. Zeus notices the way Hades acts around her. and Zeus, thinking in terms of his role as father to Persephone, brother to Hades, and king of both,, thinks it actually wouldn't be a bad idea for them to be married. so, he gives Hades permission to marry Persephone, and it's done.

things happen, and when Persephone comes to the Underworld, she's obviously pissed off. it's effectively a kidnapping. i love the image of Hades confessing his love for her, thinking it's a huge, sweet, romantic gesture, and Persephone just being furious. she refuses to talk to him. she locks herself in the room that Hades provides.

i think it gives Hades time to reflect on what he's done. and for Persephone? i love the idea that she comes up a thousand different ways to escape from the Underworld and return to her mother.

when my mum used to tell me about Hades and Persephone, she described Hades as being so in love with Persephone, that he would give her all that she asked for. so, similarly, i hc Hades to cast a spell on the room such that whatever Persephone asks for, in terms of material objects, the room magically makes appear for her.

thus she gains things like parachutes, and ropes, etc. to make her grand escape from Hades.

unfortunately, the Underworld isn't that easy to fool, so i think it prevents her from leaving, and while she's stuck there, Persephone makes friends with the Underworld's inhabitants, most notably, Thanatos. and then she learns things about Hades, and about her intrinsic connection to the Underworld.

overtime, Hades regrets his actions, and Persephone comes to terms with the idea of becoming queen, and i think she accepts the marriage willingly.. with a few conditions of course, but those aren't relevant here.

over the years, i like the idea that Hades and Persephone become a great couple for real- they're deeply in love with each other.

with Minthe- and, this is going to sound like a direct contradiction of my previous statement- i've been getting fond of the idea that maybe there was something between Hades and her. perhaps, they had a past fling, and Minthe was jealous of Persephone.

i think Hades might've unwittingly led her along, until Persephone puts her foot down and turns Minthe into mint.

but Persephone isn't perfect either- perhaps Hades and Ares joined forces to bring down Adonis for both their sakes.

in any case, i think both Adonis and Minthe's tales occur several hundred years into their marriage.

all in all though, for the most part, i think Persephone is very amiable. almost everyone loves her.. in particular, i hc that she's one of the only step-children Hera actually quite adores. i think Persephone is always very polite and cordial with Hera, which makes her feel respected, and after she becomes Hades' wife, the two queens share an even stronger bond.

Aphrodite and Persephone have a fair amount of encounters what with Aphrodite sending Psyche to retrieve some of Persephone's beauty,, and then Aphrodite later sending Adonis to Persephone for care. so i like the idea that Aphrodite and Persephone are very good friends. but they're also rivals.

anyhow. i think that's about all i can think of. my other Persephone hc's that i might have missed are here: x

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[absolutely-wretched]

finishing buffy s8 and starting angel&faith

spoilers under the cut

so, i did notice there were many writers in buffy s8 finally, confirming my suspicions that the badness of it wasn't joss alone. but let me tell you i was completely correct in thinking the last volume was going to piss me off. spike comes back and not only does she describe having sex with twilight to him, she KISSES HIM. i literally fell back onto my bed in exasperation. except she didn't actually kiss him, it ws a fantasy, which doesn't stop my annoyance, and neither does her immediately thinking she's gonna get into bed with him. i wanted to say like "buffy seems a little ooc, much more self-absorbed than she was originally". then i watched Hell's Bells since I was watching the dvd commentary, and her first words about Xander leaving Anya at the altar was "They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel." and I was like oooooh nope she's still in character. just a bit worse, which is fair bc of the whole "leader of slayers" and "ultimate power" thing. also i was all excited about spike's design coming back in my last post bc of his nail polish, but then he's in like brownn boots and a tan sweater. idk just weird, i aggresively do not like it. i do like that Spike knew who twilight was immediately. very on-brand.

so angel kills giles and buffy doesn't stake him, but instead kills all magic. definitely needed to be done (poor willow, though), but it still seemed unrealistic that she didn't kill him, but i get why. angel&faith (abbreviated to a&f from here on out) pointed out the fact the angelus killed jenny in the same way, which i was surprised i didn't pick up on. faith gets giles' estate, which was a bit surprising but her explanation about it makes sense. that faith needed more help and all that. and faith is going to rehabilitate angel, which i love. angel's relationship with women like cordelia or faith are much nicer to me than anything about his relationship with buffy. and all magic is gone from the world except for the magic that's already there, tying these events to why the world is how it is in Fray (buffy having been the last slayer 200 years prior)

i'm curious to know how Willow was an Uber-witch then in the future, of whom Buffy goes back in time to kill. Also, Fray ended on a cliffhanger, the only continuation being when buffy went in time in s8. but i really want to know the rest of her story with Harth, especially because of that shocking kiss that's just like... what and why and what.

so warren is dead for good again, thank christ. everyone is mad at buffy for killing magic. it's all pretty fair since she boned twilight and birthed a whole universe and all that, being fairly selfish in their eyes, but since her and angel (mostly angel) were pretty possessed, it wasn't as selfish as it looks to everyone. but i'm glad they did it, a bit, because it brings us back to more of a similar world in the show. no more slayer military and all that, less bombastic fights and crazy mass demons. joss said "i learned what you like and didn't like" which i think means i'll like the seasons coming up much more. i don't like that willow has been nerfed, though. i love her so much, and she's so sad. and after goddesses and monsters, i knew she was into the snake goddess, and they're in love and she can never see her again. just... poor willow. i'm interested to know how that will turn out.

we also got to check in with riley, which i didn't care about, but it's part of the canon so i didn't skip it. and i was rewarded with finding out whistler is evil and an agent of twilight pulling the strings since buffy was 15. which was cool. oh! and giles leaving buffy the book that he pulled out in s1e1 was a nice touch. i dunno, the normalness of the epilogue gives me a lot of hope for s9 :) and so does the first vol of a&f

first off i'll say that I LOVE the art of a&f. Buffy art is really hit or miss, and while reading it i longed for the writing and art of Spike and Angel s5/6 comics (Urru and Lynch) even though when changing colorists/inkers around it could also be rendered hit or miss. But the a&f art? *chef's kiss*. The likenesses art great, the inking is amazing, I love the cell shading (which for comics is a much better fit to me than the airbrushing shading of buffy s8). I may be partial since it's the art style i'm personally trying to learn, and i'm seeing it being used professionally, but damn! it's really well done. and gone are the days of storyboarding being so confusing you dont know what's going on! i dunno if buffy s9 will lose that problem too, but here's hoping.

the characterization and story is really good, and angel is trying to bring giles back to life. i was thinking that wasn't really in character, but with eveything he did when he was (mostly) possessed by twilight, i can understand why. and faith promising to kill him, as usual. I just love it. it's got all the angel vibes of ats. I wonder how faith is going to reconcile that the slayers she helps want to kill angel. how she's going to allow him to bring giles back. it's a bummer, though, that new vampires that are turned since the seed was destroyed are like zombies. makes me uninterested in vampires. we get to check in with harmony at the end of the volume, which is fun. I love clem, he's continuously so cute.

i like the new villains. and they're working with Whistler, too. I'm interested to know more about the whistler lore. i wish they'd bring doyle back in some way. or cordelia. in comic form, not attached to an actor, i think i may actually like her, lol. i like that the seed rendered mohra blood unusable, since that could have changed angel's game completely, making him human. though, it doesn't make sense that he still says "i can't be what i need to be if i'm human". since he was human all through after the fall in Hell A and was able to save the world and all that while fighting demons constantly.

and what's up with that, too? so angel being twilight means eveyone hates him, he's infamous now. how does that reconcile with everyone in LA that he saved, making movies about he and Spike and Team Help the Hopeless, naming libraries after them and all that. Oh and I'm interested to know about the buddy comedy of illyria and gunn that was happening at the end of angel s6. i just love illyria and wanna know what she's up to.

TLDR: Joss says he learned a lot from doing buffy s8, seeing what worked and how certain things work in comic form. i feel like i'm going to enjoy the comics going forward, and really love a&f. the only thing that will make me really love s9 of Buffy when I start it, is if they change the entire art team (minus covers). I'm not sure if it's the inks that make it bad, but the shading definitely is bad. the pencils could be the problem, but since i can't see them, i'm not sure. the storyboarding was absolutely terrible, though, i had no idea what was happening a lot of the time. i'll be back after reading vol 1 of Buffy s9

[ancestorlegacy]

HELLO. About those tags on my Frankenstein post..

What do I think about it?

Book? Second favorite book ever, plan to reread it soon and I adore it. The only book I prefer over Frankenstein is the count of Monte Cristo, which is another can of worms entirely.

I think Frankenstein is good and a must read for everyone. Obviously yes the story is good but the sheer amount of misinformation about it pisses me off so very much and that would be fixed if reading the book was mandatory for living /lh. There's two (main (don't worry about the rest)) versions, 1818 and 1831. 1831 is the more famous one, basically Shelley just made some minor edits to things she didn't like. Best (and biggest edit) is that she removed the incest.

Sorry I am going to talk about multiple versions of the story.

Musical? There's two, iirc. There's 'Frankenstein: a new musical' and 'young Frankenstein'. I have only listened to the former one because I am scared to learn what the latter is. All I know is that it uses a design for the monster that I hate, which is 97% of my reason for not listening to it.

The former is from 2008 and not very famous. The actors have absolutely AMAZING voices, like genuinely words cannot describe my love for Victor, the monster and Elizabeth's singing. The rest are good too, but it's those three that especially stick out to me.

It doesn't have a single bad song. Vibe wise, I'd say it's a bit like Jekyll and Hyde and Sweeney Todd. Lots of bangers but obviously only listen to it after reading the book. It's also a fairly faithful adaptation. There's only two major changes from the book and I like both of them.

Junji Ito manga adaptation? Ough. I'm only 50~ pages in so far but WOWZER it's amazing. Junjo Ito is the perfect mangaka for adapting Frankenstein. I was super excited to read it because I like some of Ito's other works so I'm very pleased that this one is good (so far (I've heard the entire thing is good though))

1931 movie? UGHH. I think it's good on its own. Completely divorced from the context of the book, it's good. Compared to the book though, absolutely dreadful.

Order you should consume them in?

1931 movie first so you can enjoy it properly, the actual book and then it doesn't matter if you do the musical or manga next. Also there's a 2004 two episode long mini series that I have not seen yet but supposedly it's a very good and faithful adaptation.

Would I recommend original language?

Idk. I've only read it in English but I'd imagine there's good French translations. It's one of the most famous books ever so there's absolutely a French fella who did an absolutely amazing and flawless translation. I'm sure there's also versions in English with updated more modern language but I think that classics should always be read in a version as close to the original as possible to preserve artistic intent.

I hope you enjoy it :3 it's so good :3

I'm glad to see how much you like it! I was planning on reading it sooner or later (and I'm doing an English licence, so I probably will have to), but you are selling it very well. Thanks for the order by the way!