#this child's thought process is real dark i wish i can write that sometimes

[licollisa]

Just wanna say that I love the way you draw Chara! The expressions are great and I just wanna squish their little face.

[shinobusupremecy]

May I request a Hashira reader where our g/n reader keeps their distance because they have a secret and that is that they have wings? And they have a psychological trauma in the past because their parents thought they were an abomination so they cut them off. But the result is that they regrow every 6 months which further their hatred for our dear reader. As a result, the reader has developed a strong a disgust and fear of them. So after their parents died, our reader took over in cutting their wings and Shinobu just so happens to catch at the moment when they are going to cut them off much to the reader's horror.

Shinobu x gn!reader with wings

A/N: I don’t know if I should’ve made the reader human or demon so I guess you can decide. This is my oldest request in my inbox. 

This is headcannon kinda mixed with a oneshot. Mostly so I can write the scenes and all that. 

As usual, not proofread. I am again very sorry.

🦋- You have always been a very unique child, but not in the way that people think. You had wings, fully grown out spreaded wings

🦋- Your parents were not fond of your wings, they despised it and thought you were an abomination

🦋- They told you that you’re wings are gonna be cut but you didn’t want to. You could just imagine how painful it was so you protested. 

“Mom, dad, no! Please I- I don’t want you to cut off my wings!” You yelled at them, backing further away from them, you jumped when your back hit the wall.

“Sweetie, it will all be over soon” Your mother said, speaking with a soft false tone. 

Your mother approached you like you were some rabid animal, when you think about it, that’s probably how they saw you. 

“Darling, hold her down” Your mother commanded your father and he quickly grabbed you, holding you down with an iron grip, probably because he was a former demon slayer. You yelled and thrashed, trying to hit him so he would let go but that man had an iron grip. 

Your mother brought out a very big scissors and that night, your screams echoed the dark night. 

🦋- To your very much dismay and your parents, your wings regrew every 6 months. That furthured their hatred for you and the same process happened every 6 months, they cut your wings. Sometimes they even did it earlier than they’re supposed to. 

🦋- As much as your parents hated you, you hated them more. You were convinced of that. How can they call themself a parent, when they put their child into physcological trauma for something they can’t even help? 

🦋- After your parents went out on an anniversery night, you noticed that they never came home, even when the skies turned black and the ground was coated with snow. You didn’t want to, but for some reason you went out to look for them

🦋- You don’t even know why you did it, they could die for all you cared. Your wish came true however when you saw your parents on the trail you were walking on, completely mauled into a bloody mess. Their clothes were shredded but so was them, your dads sword laying on the ground. 

🦋- You’re not suprised he couldn’t kill that demon, he retired from the corps 20 years ago due to an heavy injury

🦋- Suddenly you heard quick rustlings, some growling and all silent before you heard yelling and you threw yourself to the side. There in front of you were a disgusitng looking creature with your moms arm in his mouth. He pounced on you. You grabbed the sword and took off your jacket, using your wings to fly up

🦋- The demon looked least to say confused and you dove in, finishing the demon off quickly

🦋- Ever since then you realized that these disgusting demons will cause other families sorrow and you didn’t want that so you became a demon slayer 

🦋- You hated your wings, they were the reason why you never got love in your childhood or from the people that were supposed to love you so you took over and cut your wings

🦋- You rose up to Hashira rank real quick and that made many in the corps admire you, same like they did with Muichiro and Gyomei. You didn’t become a hashira as fast as them but it was still extremely quickly. 

🦋- When you met the hashiras they quickly noticed that you were just like Tomioka, you were quiet, didn’t interact alot with them and you kept your distance 

🦋- That lead to two pillars disliking you instantly but you were fine with that. As long as they don’t know your secret, you didn’t care

🦋- On a mission you got injuried and sent to the butterfly estate. But it was that time again were you had to cut off your wings. You had locked yourself in your room and decided to cut your wings there

🦋- Shinobu was accustomed to your anit-social behaviour. She knew you were in your room recovering but she got really concerned when she didn’t hear you respond despite her callings

🦋- She noticed it was locked and knocked the door harder. 

“Y/N, darling please open the door!” No response. Shinobu brought out a key and unlocked the door just to see you with your wings fully spread out and you about to cut them off

🦋- Shinobu dropped her keys, she was absolutely stunned to say the least. She slightly pinched herself to see if this was a dream

🦋- Your face paled, your motuh slightly agape before you quickly bursted to the window trying to flee. Shinobu was quicker and managed to pull you back in

🦋- “Y/N I want you to breathe, please. Deep breaths” She wished she could take her own advice because she was sure she was about to faint

🦋- Shinobu sat you down on the bed and asked you what this was about

🦋- You told her your story. If you began to cry then Shinobu would happily let you do so, she doesn’t care if her haori gets wet

🦋- After that Shinobu spoke to you reassuringly that she would come up with something to solve this

🦋- You thanked her and quickly hugged her, your wings automatically engulfing Shinobu. Shinobu tensed a little at first but tried to hide it, not wanting to distress you any further

🦋- If you want to keep it a secret and cut off your wings then Shinobu will respect your decision. She can imagine cutting off two limbs like that would be very painful so she will give you some pain killer pills. 

🦋- You might not like to cut your wings off but you still hate them then Shinobu will try to make you love them. She won’t force you but she will tell you what good things there are about your wings and then the descision is up to you

🦋- If you grew to love your wings then she will happily watch you fly with them, watching you with a smile on her face as you fly around the estate with a big smile on your face 

🦋- Shinbou will think that your wings are incredibly useful in fighting and slaying demons so if you decide you wanna use your wings for slaying demons she would be more than happy to help you, coming up with some great moves you could do. As a pharmasist she will throw some math calculations in there to ensure you that you will use your wings to slay demons with max efficency

🦋- She will also make you a cloak for you to hide your wings. 

🦋- If you don’t wanna keep it a secret anymore, please brace yourself how awkward the Hashira meeting will be. Imagine Shinobu having to explain you’re a human with wings to her comrades. If the hashira didn’t know better they would think you’re a demon with a very good human disguise, besides the wings

🦋- Also excpect her to wanna study and experimante with you. You are one of a kind, who knows what amazing discoveries Shinobu can make with you

🦋- Overall Shinobu would respect what ever descision you decide to make about your wings. Just know Shinobu loves your wings and she wishes you could love them too.

Extra (this is based on if you keep your wings) 

🦋- Never in her wildest dreams could she dream of being an s/o to someone with wings. Don’t worry, she loves it and so does the other girls in the butterfly resident

🦋- She loves the way you interact with the catterpillars (Sumi, Naho and Kiyo). You often let them ride your back while you fly, low height of course and always someone there to supervise you all. So far though, no accidents has occured

🦋- Shinobu LIVES for your hugs you give her after you or her have compleated a mission. She loves the way your wings engulf her whole form. First it scared her a little but she has grown to love it. 

🦋- Don’t get me started on the cuddling sessions. One of the things she loves the most most is when she lays on your chest as you engulf her in a hug, with your wings draped around her. She also like it when you lay on her chest as your wings are just stretched over the bed. She finds that sight adorable 

🦋- She loves you but you may be prohibited to enter her lab. Her lab is big but not enough for your wings fully stretched. She knows you will knock something down sooner or later and she rather not risk it 

🦋- Another problem is that your wings shed some feathers sometimes. Shinobu always store your feathers in a box, she takes your feathers as very dear to her. The other girl does the same. When your wings shed the catterpillars compeate on how many feathers they have of you.

🦋 - Trust me when I say this but if you wanna make Shinobu laugh go on a mission together and when you spot a demon let the demon run to you before you fly up. The different shocked reactions the demons make gets Shinobu every time.

[thebandcampdiaries]

An interview with Nic Nassuet

We had the opportunity to ask singer-songwriter Nic Nassuet a few question. Keep reading, as he explores his unique way to combine punk with folk and dark aesthetics!

“Your music has been described as a unique blend of dark and haunting aesthetics combined with folk roots. How did you come up with this distinctive style, and what inspires you to create such genreblending music?” Great question.  The short answer is that I didn’t come up with anything.  I didn’t even know that I could write music, but sometimes things show up in my head and emit this almost inaudible neonatal cry to come into being.  I hear songs in my dreams, mostly, but I also hear them throughout the day at random.  I have to stop and hum them into my phone then figure out what instruments they are and how to play them later.

“She Rides Moonlight” is a good example.  I had never even touched a mandolin before but ordered one because that’s what the voice said to do.  When it arrived it was in tune and “She Rides Moonlight” immediately came out of my hands as I unboxed it.  That’s what the music wanted.  It needed a mandolin to make that song come through me even though I don’t know the first thing about the instrument.  I don’t know where it comes from.  Sometimes it can remain silent for years.  Those can be dark years… “Could you tell us about the creative process behind your track 'Pact'? What motivated you to explore its particular theme?” Pact just fell out of the guitar one afternoon, and the lyrics flowed from there.  During that period lots of things were coming to me.  I don’t believe in ghosts, and I don’t disbelieve in them either, but I was sitting on the bed one day doing something on my laptop and a presence, as clear as sunlight, showed up and started singing her story in my head.  I wrote down what she sang about being entombed in a stone wall on her wedding day as her mother leapt into the sea out of grief, then I went to the guitar and immediately found the chords.  I’ve never played those chords before.  I wouldn’t know how to find them if you paid me to.  I don’t know notes and chords.  That song was “Immured” and it did really well.  I hope to re-record and re-release it pretty soon.  I have some great Grammy nominated string musicians on board. Pact wasn’t as clear a presence, it was sort of like catching scents in the air.  You sit there, and the sounds appear in your mind, and if you relax your critical ear and just accept that it is happening, and listen in a relaxed state, those sounds form words and then you realize the theme of the piece.  Sometimes it is a real surprise to me.  I can’t sit down and say “I’m going to write a song about this topic,” and have it work.  Every single time I have done that it has been just awful.  I wish I could do that, like composers do.  “Your covers of Misfits classics, like 'Die Die My Darling,' showcase a fusion of punk and folk influences. How did you discover your interest for both genres?-

I’ve always loved the sound of acoustic guitar.  My mother used to play and sing for me as a child, and I wanted to be able to do that, too.  I’ve never been into folk music, to be honest.  I love some of what I hear in that genre, it just isn’t what I put on my playlists.  I found my love for punk as a pre-teen.  I hated school, and teachers, and the entire concept of being “moulded” by this hallucination called “society” into what someone else thought it was best for me to be.  Punk was irreverent back then.  The Misfits were especially irreverent.  These were themes that I would have been grounded or suspended for discussing at home or in school, yet they were singing them loudly and it sounded like damn good rock and roll!  I was hooked.  I guess that when you have an angry anti-conformist heart, and an acoustic guitar, this is sort of the end result, LOL. “Your vocals in 'Pact' carry a strong storytelling quality, akin to folk and blues traditions. When writing songs like this, do you come up with the music first or do the lyrics come first?- Thank you.  The music almost always arrives first.  I hear that, then sometimes I get other parts or pieces of the song later, sometimes months later.  Often some vowel sounds, or a phrase of a chorus will come through on the music and then the lyrics kind of build themselves around that. “The connection between 'Pact' and the old House of Blues on Sunset Strip, along with Robert Johnson's legend, is intriguing. Could you delve deeper into the significance of this connection and how it influenced the creation of the song?"- If it had influence over the creation of the song, I don’t know that I should really be talking about it. I didn’t know that the house of blues was made from steel taken from the intersection where Robert Johnson sold his soul.  I didn’t even know who Robert Johnson was..  Pact had come to me a few days before that first show at the House of Blues and I was hoping to premiere it to its first audience somewhere cool.  We were invited to play in the foundation room at the House of Blues, which was a private club that cost thousands a year to be a member of.  I had been there once before on invitation of the owner back when I was an 18 year old private investigator and it was wall to wall celebrities back then.  I was excited to return as a musician.  It felt really meaningful. I didn’t know that it was the opening night of the Sunset Strip Music Festival, or that the House of Blues was the opening venue for the Festival, so we were surrounded by big names doing professional things and it all came as a total surprise.

Out in front there was a sign that said “This House of Blues is made from steel taken from the intersection where Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil,” or something like that. I took a picture of it that I’ll send to you.  The sign, and building are gone now. I had come prepared with a song about soul selling at the crossroads, and that song carries instructions in the Hoodoo tradition if you listen closely to the lyrics.  The instructions in the song “Pact” are to take a song with you to the crossroads as an offering to make the deal, and unbeknownst to me I had arrived at the most infamous crossroads in music history on the most devil beloved street in rock music history along with my song-gift.  I guess it was prophetic in a way. After that show we ended up taking our first red carpet pictures right where all the big names had been.  Over the next few months my dear friend, who was a guitar tech to the biggest names in the industry, said “I’ve never seen any indie artist blow up as big as you did after your first release.” Do you have any plan to tour in support of this release?

I didn’t have any plans for it, but it looks like something is brewing.  I’ve got a release party for “Pact” at this awesome spot in Topeka, Kansas called “Two Wolves”.  It’s a really groovy art collective that attracts some ridiculously talented musicians.  We’re going to throw a fun early Halloween party and bring in some special guests.  I was invited to perform at a benefit on October 27th, the Friday before Halloween, and I’m completely blown away by the fact that I just found out that I’m playing a gig with the former singer of the Misfits next month.  I haven’t played a show since the Pig and Whistle on Hollywood Boulevard the night before the pandemic shut down all of the venues for a couple of years, so it’s a bit overwhelming.  I guess that the music wants a tour and wherever the music leads I have no choice but to follow.  Everything collapses and degrades when I ignore the voice, and it seems as though every impossible wish is granted when I listen to it.

Thanks so much for your time and for listening.  You do great work.

https://www.instagram.com/nicnassuet/?hl=en

[husbandohunter]

Stardew Impact [Stardew Valley+Genshin Impact x Reader]

Part 2/3 Zhongli, Xiao

Synopsis: “A mysterious phenomenon brought you and your s/o to an unfamiliar world: Pelican Town! Without the power of Visions, the two of you begin to learn the life of what it takes to be...a farmer?”

(DOMESTIC FARM LIFE ROUND TWO)

Genre: Fluff

Others

Diluc and Kaeya

Albedo and Childe

(A/n): This was meant to be part 3 but I couldn't wait to write xiao. Plus Ive been writing Albedo for almost the whole month already Word count_2.6k

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Xiao

• Thrown in an unfamiliar environment puts Xiao on high alert. Instincts kick in and his hand subconciously grabs for his spear. Nothing. Not even his vision activated. Xiao's gaze darts all over before landing on your figure. He sighs in relief, you're safe, that much he can decipher as of now.

• Stripped of his power, left with only claws and teeth (if must) to protect you from any dangers, he was ansty with every little thing. 

• The villagers are so nice??? For what reason must they have to act so friendly to strangers (Xiao wonders). The Mayor even granted you two a vast farmland free of charge. 

• Shortly he realized he no longer had his karmaic debt. Xiao wasn't sure how to live his life in this state. He dedicated his entire existence to years of slaughter and suffering that it became the only thing he knew. He won't admit it of course, he'll just throw in scoffs and remarks about how mundane activities are a waste of time when in reality, he just has no clue on how to handle them.

• Thats why the first day was difficult as you both try to figure out how to plant parnsips. Deciding it was better to go with an experiment, you split the share of seeds in half and used what basic knowledge you had on farming to finish the job. Xiao on the other hand tried copying what you did….though the outcome wasn't so desirable it was a mess. (His trained hands have taught him to be on the rough side).

• He doesn't bother socializing with the townspeople even though he has no karmaic debt to worry about. Xiao thinks you're more than enough anyways so what's the point? 

• Robin is the only person who can tolerate him for obvious reasons (cough Sebastian cough) she knows exactly how to deal with his personality type. His glares don't faze her, she simply thinks its just a teenage phase of some sort. 

• Eventually they become mutuals, Xiao thinks Robin is similar to Verr Goldet in a way. Since he's the one who does the heavy labour of chopping down trees and mining stones for building upgrades, he gets a chance to visit her house quite often. He comes back with lots of recipes too.

• You find out that his adepti blood never left him. Xiao doesn't need sleep so you better believe it when he tells you the next morning that he spent the whole night watering all 300 of your crops (watering is the only process he's good at for farming). 

• Sometimes you catch him staring out of the window, wondering what he may be thinking. Life was so much more different, almost hard to recognize. Was this real? Is it okay for it to be real, just this once? Ever since he committed his duty to Morax, Xiao didn't dream of a time when everything would be peaceful. Yet here he is, no longer a weapon but on a journey to find out what it's like to live as a normal person. 

• Spring: Every morning you find him kneeling behind the cabin with the pet cat (yes, cats seem to suit Xiao very much). He just stares at them, hesitant if he wanted to pet their fur or rub their chin. So he continues to glare intensely, scaring your cat away :(

• Whenever you wanted to attend any of the town's festivities, Xiao wouldn't even hide his distastefulness but goes with you regardless. Why do mortals consider hiding eggs and finding them a fun activity? And what kind of a name is Flower Dance? Can't they just call it a dance?

• Though…he does like the sight of you wearing a flower crown. Xiao likes putting stuff in your hair.

Since setting foot upon this new world, time seemed to have slowed down to the point that almost everything felt like an eternity. And you didn't mind, with him by your side, you wouldn't mind if it did last forever.

The lull of the grass was the only sound Xiao could hear as he closed his eyes and rested his head on your lap. You maneuvered across his scalp in small, subtle motions, surprised with how warm he felt against the heat your palm. He stirs a little and lets out a soft breath before turning his face to lay on the side.

You were slightly intrigued by the yaksha's new demeanor. From far away, Xiao was an intimidating man, even during the first time you laid eyes him, his presence felt similar to a knife pointing at anyone who dares to come too close. But now, the face that usually held his signature annoyance melted into something you never thought you'd see as the sun rays brushed against the surface of his fair skin. You observed the way his dark eyebrows stayed in a relaxed arch. The red crescents lining right above his beautiful long lashes and the sound of soft snores through parted lips. It was hard to believe that this man was the same person who claimed to have ended a thousand lives through thousands of years.

Did he fall asleep already?

Gently moving away the strands away from his cheekbone, hovered your gaze above him and whispered, "I thought adepti don't need rest."

"Hmph," Xiao responds, though there was no harshness in his tone, "Quit trying to be difficult, I didn't tell you to stop."

The smug grin on your face only widens. You lean downward and said to his ear, "And what's the magic word~?"

Xiao sighs at your antics. You were truly pushing your luck today and he simply didn't have the patience to entertain you. Without a warning, he grabs your wrist and pulls you down, foreheads pressing until you were but a breath away. The adepti conquers, he does not plead.

• Summer: As expected, your parnsnips weren't able to grow as much. Thus, this season was going to be the one to make up for the lost profit. Xiao is very good at hunting, perhaps the best in the entire town. Though the way he catches fish is rather peculiar, said by the folks. He prefers to carve a spear made of wood and repeatedly stabs the lake until results show. Xiao dislikes the old fashioned way, he says its unproductive and it unecissarily takes too much time. 

• But as much as he scared the whole town, they were extremely grateful when he cleaned up the slime issues happening in the mines. You could say that he grew very popular since then and eventually mustered up the courage to greet him a hello whenever he passes by. 

• You nudge him to reply back. Xiao usually shoots you a glare but slowly, he learns the courtesy of acknowledging someone's prescence.

• Fall: You woke up to a burnt smell coming from the kitchen. Xiao just thought he would return the favour since you always worked so hard. (He was actually trying to figure out what a 'whisk' was. It was no wonder why there were eggshells in the dish!)

• You realized that Xiao was taking more initation compared to before. At night, when you thought the animals were actively jumping in the barns, the noise was actually from Xiao trying to adjust himself to the ways of tending the field. After learning what TV was, he would always switch to the channel "Livin off the land" to gain some insight. Truly, Xiao was greatful even though he knew he eventually had to return to his duties, he wanted to utilize the current days the best way he could. And what better way was it to just make you happy in return?

• Winter: This was the season to test the accumulation of Xiao's abilities: you caught a cold and he had to manage everything in his own. Xiao scolded you for not wearing enough and being too careless but at the same he considered that you must've been working too hard.

• Goes to Robin for help. She basically became his mom now. Prepares the food and leaves them in the fridge, she teaches Xiao how to use the phone in case he needed any help and also lets him know where all the essentials are. 

• Xiao stayed by your side the whole time even though you told him you'd be fine. But he refuses, he may no longer be a gaurdian but he was your gaurdian. That role never changed.

~~x~~

Zhongli

• You wake up on a soft bed with Zhongli sitting at a chair nearby. He hands you a cup of brewed water but you're still blatlantly confused. Seems like everything was taken care of by Zhongli, it ends up with him explaining everything to you. 

• The folks instantly assumes you both as a married couple. Who could blame them? He did carry your unconcious body all the way to town while asking for a local doctor. You can bet that the ladies wish they were you at that moment. Zhongli took care of everything, including with the contract with the new farm.

• It didn't take long for you both to adjust to the new lifestyle. Zhongli's accumulated knowledge was enough to last all four seasons. Days past by peacefully as you shared the tasks. He'd place down the stone paths towards the gate and you busied yourself with decorating the house. After that was done, Zhongli would rest upon the rocking chair outside your door (like the grandpa he is) and sometimes you'd join him in one reading session. His voice was soothing, you eventually dipped into a slumber as the evening grew colder. Just like always, your beloved brings his arm to encapsulate you from the wind, brushing his thumb against your skin subconciously while you snore softly into his shoulder.

• In a way, the townsfolk were right. You both do act like a married couple. It's basically domestic life with Zhongli in a nutshell.

• He gets connected with Gunther and lands a role in the Museum. Since he's there so often, Zhongli also manages to be acquainted with Elliot as well. Two men who have a common interest with books while speaking in poetic prose. Their conversation would last for hours to the point Gunther had to kick them out of the library!

• Veeeery good with the children, not in an entertaining way but its just the aura he reeks. Penny usually had trouble dealing with Vincent since he never seems to be able to focus but the minute Zhongli speaks, he's all ears. Not only that he was also very good with the elderly. He even recommended some herbs George could take to soothe his back issues.

• Problem is that he still forgets to bring his wallet and Childe isn't here to save him. So once you stepped foot into the Stardrop Saloon and Gus calls you over, he tells you about the cost he owed to his tab….

• But this tranquil life full of genuinity and deprived of sovereignty, he was overjoyed to be able to spend it with you. Because he knew you were unlike him, that all humans were born with an expiry date. He knew so well that after every new greeting, he would have to face the goodbyes over and over until the world eventually came to an end. He knew you were also going to be part of those many goodbyes while he would still be here.

• But as Zhongli walks amongst the fallen leaves, he remembered the beauty that carries within every new beginning. They brought him to you and he would never hesitate to trade his gnosis for it.

Spring: You shot up your bed when Zhongli blast the TV at full volume. He apologizes, saying that he was simply trying to change the channel. You figured it was best for him to go outside before he somehow glitches the screen until it couldn't repair itself (Robin charges for repairs).

• Every thursday you both go to Pierre's store to complete your grocery shopping. He offers to push the cart as you fill the basket with all the necessities (plus it saves you the trouble of having him tossing whatever he sees without looking at the price tag).

• Every afternoon you order a take out from the Saloon, sharing the meal while sitting at the fountain's edge near the community center. Every evening Zhongli would take you to explore the rest of the vast farmland, discovering places you weren't even aware of. It was no wonder why everyone thought you were a married couple. 

• Summer: Since the cabin was too small for a bathroom, you guys would have to travel up the mountains in order to get to the Spa house (cue sweatiness x10). 

• The concept of hotsprings was derived from Inazuma so it was no surprise that Liyue eventually took it after him. Zhongli had collected some incense from foraging items over the past few months, he knows whats up. But overall he gives the best bath sessions (hands down) and you were the one who insisted in joining him.  He was a gentle and sweet lover, always putting your needs before his. Ancient artifacts and old history books have always been precious to him, he treated you no differently.

The heartbeat of the oceans continues to rock back and forth until they brush up on the sandy shore, washing away the two pairs of footprints left behind by a man and a woman.

Gold against gold, his amber eyes reflected against the scenery. Millions of lights flashed among the sea when the sun began to climb down from the sky, it's rays hugged across the valley like an ethereal glow bestowed by the heavens as summer's wind brought even more warmth than what he had currently felt. You trance ahead of with the same light shaping around your form. 

"Oh hey there's another rainbow shell," you waved at him before running off, "I'll be back!"

How is it that you still continue to shine like gold in his memories?

Zhongli suddenly ponders at the chapters laying ahead of him. He spent so many years turning each page without ever reaching a conclusion, forever searching the fabled happy endings written in fairytale books, but he knew his immortality wouldn't grant him that wish.

Thus, the formal archon raised his pen and reweaves his own story. He envisions his future with you by his side, engraving every detail until it was immortalized in his memories.

Perhaps I shouldn't keep her waiting.

With a renewed resolve, Zhongli clutches the gemstone tightly in his palm, he seals the page with the final contract between your future and his.

• Fall: After getting your first house upgrade, it was time for the next event: the ceremony. Yes, Zhongli would only have a wedding if Liyue traditions were involved. Everyone was invited of course, they were quite intrigued with the flashy setup such as lanterns and fireworks (you were a little worried with where he got the budget for such items) and Zhongli even educated Gus about some recipes he can use for the Saloon.

• You found out that Zhongli was saving all his money for this day (it was no wonder that he couldn't pay for his tab!). Old habits die hard, it was a shame that he didn't have his powers to craft the right items, but at least he got to sea you in a traditional eastern dress (it's the part he was looming forward to the most).

• Fall is the best season. One you wouldn't forget.

• Winter: Ah he finally learns how to use  technology after three seasons. He only knows two channels from the TV which was 'Livin off the Land' and the weather channel. Zhongli oftens talks to himself as he tries to figure out more mechanics, he seems to be extremely absorbed in the most basic things.

• The miner of the house. But instead of using them to upgrade tools and donating them to the museum, Zhongli likes to keep some of them for collection. You could say your house also had a little museum in the other room.

• Romcom movies and soap operas. You can't change my mind that this is what you both spend your time watching as the snowstorm rages outside. 

[leo-gold-hotchner]

Happy Birthday to You

It’s late, it should’ve been up on 2nd Nov, but I couldn’t. Urg. I wanted to be fluffy, but not sure if I succeeded it. 

Just a side talk, if anyone reading this having a hard time because of who they are, always remember there’re people supporting you! That includes me! Don’t let others judge you, you’re a lovely person, remember that.

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner X Male Reader

Words: 2.8k

I Kissed a boy AU!

You felt like a jellyfish. A powerless jellyfish wondering in the ocean waves, wherever your destination is, it depends on the wave. You didn’t even have strength to lift your finger when you returned this morning from your shift. 

Halloween night was fun, you could spend your time together with Aaron and Jack two nights ago. And yesterday, they left, and you readied for your night shift and it finished just now. 

You weren’t sure if it was because a day after Halloween, but it sure had many 911 calls. You didn’t shower or changed your clothes, you just stared at the high ceiling of your house. 

                                                        -Hotch-

In distant, you heard your phone ringing. You must have fallen asleep. You just wanted to sleep, not to be bothered, but what if it was from your work? What if it was Aaron? 

“Gods,” you groaned and pushed yourself heavily from sofa. What time was it? “Hello?” You answered the call without checking who called you. 

“Oh, is this Mr. F/N L/N?” It was a woman’s voice, her voice so vibrant and even you being tired managed to smile. Though, you wondered if this was a scam call. “I’m Penelope Garcia and I work with the FBI.” 

FBI. Okay, FBI. Ef… Huh? 

“Ef, FBI, you say?” You stuttered out at the mention of FBI. Wasn’t that the bureau that investigates criminal staff? Why were they calling you? Did one of last night patients has something to do with crimes? 

“Yep, and I work with Aaron Hotchner!” Not knowing your worry, the woman cheerfully mentioned your boyfriend’s name. 

“Aaron? You work with Aaron?” You felt stupid to keep asking her, but you had to be sure. And you were still groggy from sleep. 

“Yes, so I thought you could help us with a surprise party to him.” 

“Why surprise party?” You stood where you were with a dumbfounded face. 

“Why, of course, it’s Hotch’s birthday today!” Your brain just stopped working. “With you and Jack there, I believe Hotch’ll love it! Hello? Are you still there?” 

“Yes, yes, I’m here.” Oh shit. You didn’t know it was Aaron’s birthday today. They talked all staff, but it seemed they failed to mention respective birthday. Like you didn’t know his, you bet Aaron didn’t know yours too. 

“Where are you having this surprise party, Ms. Garcia?” 

“It’s just Penelope to you, Mr. Hotch’s boyfriend! You could come to his apartment now, if you can!” 

                                                       -Hotch-

You sighed as you looked up at the light brown apartment in front of you. Nothing to worry about, right? Penelope works with Aaron, she must be or she wouldn’t know your number. Now think of it, how did she find out? Anyway, you pressed Aaron’s house number and a woman’s voice asked if you were F/N. It was a different voice from before, it was not Penelope. 

“Yes?” 

“Come in, just press the floor when you get into the lift!” Guess the women around Aaron were all cheerful. 

You drummed your fingers on your side as the lift goes up. You didn’t know anyone who Aaron worked with and you were anxious if you’d give them a bad impression of yourself. Before you could knock on the dark brown door, the door abruptly opened and a muscular man stared at you. 

“Hey, you must be F/N!” The man gave you a wide grin showing his white teeth. 

“F/N!” Jack’s voice squealed behind the man. 

As the man moved to the side, the boy flew into your embrace. It was wonder how a child can like you as if he knew you for a long time. You and Jack only met on Halloween day, which was two days ago. And you were proud that you were friendly enough to make Jack instantly take a liking to you. 

“Hey, buddy.” 

“Aunt Pen said you gonna help Daddy’s birthday party!” Jack’s big eyes shined with excitement. Good to know Ms. Penelope Garcia wasn’t a scam but a real FBI agent. “This is Uncle Derek,” Jack pointed the muscular man who held his hand to greet you. 

“Derek Morgan. Just Derek or Morgan’s fine.” You and he shook hands, and wow, his grip was strong. 

“Aunt Pen’s not here, she’s maybe with Aunt Jess?” Jack looked around with a puzzled expression in your arms. 

“I believe they are.” Derek led you to another room, passing through the kitchen. “Baby girl, he’s here.” 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” The very familiar voice echoed the house, burying Derek’s chuckling with her voice. “You are here!” The woman, Penelope, looked at you with widened eyes, her arms stretched towards you as if she wasn’t expecting you to turn up. 

“Hi,” you gave her a little hesitant smile, but nonetheless a genuine one. “I’m F/N, you called me before?” 

“Yes, yes, that was me. I’m Penelope, I work with Hotch. He’s our boss,” she pointed herself and Derek. “And, and, this,” she dragged another woman who smiled at you, “is Jessica, Jack’s beautiful aunt.” 

“Hello, how’re you,” Jessica shook your hand, giving you a welcoming smile. 

“Surprised, but good.” You shrugged, your brain still processing a bit. You didn’t know Aaron had a sister, perhaps you should ask about it later. 

“Others are coming later, for now they’re occupying Hotch so he won’t know anything.” Penelope said as she picked up a box full of birthday party supplies and decorations. 

“You know,” you let Jack go as he wanted to decorate the house with them. “He once told me you guys aren’t really professional when it comes to surprising him or pranking him.” You scratched back of your head, smiling at Penelope’s shocked face. 

“But he won’t know today,” Derek barked a loud laughter. “That usually happens because Baby girl here give it away.” 

“I do keep secretes very well, mister!” Penelope gave her friend a mocking indignant face. 

“If you say so,” Jessica smirked as she exited the room with colourful ‘Happy Birthday’ banner. 

“How many are coming?” You asked as you helped them unpacking several boxes and decorate the room. You wouldn’t know anyone, but you thought you could be conversational. 

“Well,” Penelope folded her fingers, “except us we have, Rossi, Spencer, Emily, JJ and probably Henry and Will.” 

“Are they all…?” 

“We all work together. Well, Henry’s JJ’s son and Will’s Henry’s dad. But we’ve worked with Will once too, so you could say that.” Penelope laughed wholeheartedly. “He doesn’t talk about his work, is he?” 

“No,” you shook your head a little. 

You never asked him about his work, and he didn’t utter a word about his work too when he was with you. You just thought he’d be too tired and knowing the nature of Aaron’s work, you never thought about asking it. Jessica returned to the room to look for more decoration, she probably heard their conversation. 

“Does he take his work and do it while you’re with him?” Jessica asked, her arms hugging her torso. 

Your head unconsciously titled to the side. “No?” Was that important? 

Penelope cheerfully talked about taking some box to Derek and left Jessica and you alone. And she didn’t forget to shut the door, and you didn’t know why. You felt uncomfortable, feeling like you’re suddenly interrogated by Aaron’s sister. 

“He doesn’t want you to leave him.” Jessica smiled at you, riddling you with her words. She laughed a bit as she saw your puzzled look. “He used to bring his work to home, that made Haley mad sometimes.” 

You heard that name before. Aaron told you his wife and he dated since their high school, though unfortunate accident took her away from him and Jack. He never told you the details, and you didn’t ask him. The excruciating pain was palpable on Aaron’s face, so you didn’t want him to remember the painful memory by telling you. You never pushed him for more. 

“Because he’s busy, we can’t really have a proper conversation and we’re always with Jack so you know.” Jessica smiled ghostly. “But whenever he talks about you, his eyes lit up in spirit. He returns to the Aaron I used to know before everything.” She gave you a knowing smile. “I know talking these staff can be uncomfortable for you, especially talking about Haley. But like my sister made Aaron happy, you make him happy.” Oh, Jessica was not Aaron’s sister, but sister-in-law. “You’re not substituting Haley, mind you.” She sighed. “I want him to be happy.” Not just a sister-in-law, Jessica was truly Aaron’s sister, wishing his happiness. 

“I want him to be happy, too.” Both of you just looked at each other for a moment. “Isn’t it, you know, weird?” She looked at you questioningly. “Aaron suddenly bringing a boyfriend? It’s not normal isn’t it?” You didn’t know you were scrubbing the side of your pants due to anxiety. 

“You mean Aaron being bisexual?” She titled her head questioningly. “Oh, yeah, I was surprised when he told me he has a boyfriend, but it’s not weird. You make Aaron happy, that makes Jack happy. And that makes me happy and his friends happy. Everyone’s happy, it’s not weird or strange at all. It’s just natural for you and Aaron love each other.” 

You couldn’t help but tears pooling. In fact, you never asked Aaron about his family or friends because you were scared. You just buried questions deep inside so you wouldn’t be attacked by bigotry comments. 

Suddenly she pulled you into a big hug. “Don’t worry, you’re a perfect normal man. No one should judge you or Aaron because of your sexual orientation. I’m glad both of you can be honest with me.” Jessica laughed as she patted your shoulder. “Even though we met just today. Now let’s decorate more before Aaron storms in.” 

                                                       -Hotch-

Hotch rubbed his eyes, the writings on the report just leaving as soon as they come into his brain. He couldn’t concentrate, the Sun was saying its good-bye to another day. He had to concentrate in order to return to his son as soon as possible. Then his phone beeped and he frowned as he picked up the phone. 

‘Hey, bro, happy birthday.’ 

It was Sean. He was surprised his little brother actually texted him on his birthday. Hotch couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as he reread the text. Sean actually never calls him ‘bro’ or ‘brother’ unless it was a rare occasion. And it was a first time in years he called Aaron ‘bro’ even in a text message. 

 ‘M not sorry to not giving any present to a birthday boy.’ Another message from Sean, with a laughing yellow face in the end. 

‘You could always call me. But thank you.’ Before sending the text, Aaron wondered if his text was too… well, stiff? He threw his head to the headrest. He could be, no, should be more friendly with his little brother. He quickly deleted his text. 

‘Visit me anytime soon and that can be my present, brother.’ Sean didn’t like to be called ‘little’ brother, so no ‘little brother’. It’s not a perfect text, but he tried. 

He nearly jumped in a start after sending the text when JJ opened his door. Thank gods his face didn’t show any emotion. “Hotch, you need to go home. Everyone went home already.” JJ shook her head.

“Let me just finish this report.” 

“That can wait, but not your birthday,” the blonde agent squinted her eyes disapprovingly. “Have time with Jack, he’s probably waiting for you to say ‘happy birthday dad’.” 

The Unit Chief quickly closed his mouth, he couldn’t say anything. “You’re right.” Hotch sighed. “So everyone’s gone, already?” 

“Yeah, said they can always finish their paperwork tomorrow,” she rolled her eyes. 

“We’ll see to that,” Hotch snorted. Not even Dave will get away from the paperwork tomorrow. “Well, good night, JJ.” 

“Night, Hotch.” JJ smiled at him and left the office. 

                                                       -Hotch-

Aaron stared at the apartment building where his home was. He could see the light through the window, Jack probably waiting for him with Jessica. He looked down at his phone once again, as he did for every one minute since Sean texted him. You didn’t text him or call him. Of course nothing as you had a night shift and you were probably sleeping. And he never told you about his birthday being today. Receiving a ‘happy birthday’ text from Sean made him happy, so it’d make him happier if you texted him or called him to say ‘happy birthday’. But that was his fault, he never mentioned. Why didn’t he do that? 

He groaned as he roughly brushed down his face before entering the building. He was tired, but happy to see his son from this long day. It’d be a best day if he could see you along with Jack. Yesterday and the day before were the best days he had for some years. Spending time with Jack and you, waking up next to you, having breakfast with you and Jack. 

Unlike the last time from his office, this time he couldn’t control his emotion when everyone yelled ‘surprise’ under the ‘Happy Birthday’ banner in his apartment. His mouth didn’t even close from wonder. 

Jack dashed to him, holding a birthday card. “Happy birthday, Daddy!” Aaron held his son and kissed on Jack’s crown. 

“Hey, buddy, what’s this?” 

“It’s a surprise party, Daddy.” Jack gave him the ‘don’t be silly’ face. 

The crowd came to him, each of them chanting ‘happy birthday’ to him, and among them you were there. Just like when he saw his son, his eyes brightened at your presence. You were bashfully smiling at you, standing next to Morgan and Reid. 

Everyone started to give him the presents, starting from Jack. Even little Henry gave his Uncle Aaron a little drawing with a bright smile. When it was your turn, you just shrugged and said ‘later’. Though Aaron could see distress in your eyes.

                                                       -Hotch-

It was wonder how his small apartment was having this many guests, and one by one they started to fall asleep from drinking too much wine. Both boys were already crawled into Jack’s bed, and the adults were just loosened up at his home. Perhaps they could’ve just planned his surprise part at Dave’s house. 

Aaron didn’t even expect his mentor all drunken and sleeping on his study chair. Prentiss shoved herself into the sofa where Reid fainted happily with red face. Morgan protectively hugging Garcia while his back leaned on the sofa, while his head hung on Garcia’s crown. Will just like Morgan, his back on the sofa but letting JJ on his thighs and crouched on his chest. He won’t wake his friends, they will whine about their back and neck being stiff, but never going to wake them up and make them do all the paperworks for hiding this from him. 

“I know that look,” Jessica scoffed from behind. “You gonna make them pay for planning this.” 

“Am I?” Aaron smirked at his sister-in-law. 

“Be lenient on them, it was Jack’s idea.” He blinked in surprise. “Of course, the adults were more enthusiastic than Jack.” She cleaned the kitchen and packed her bag. 

“You can use my bed.” Aaron suggested. 

“I have to go, I have to work on some staff before going to bed. And you have your boyfriend to care.” She gave him an accusing finger. He looked around, and he couldn’t find you. “I didn’t drink any wine and I brought my car. Don’t worry about me, Aaron.” She held the door open wide, giving him a familial smile. “I’m glad you have friends to support you. Good night Aaron, see you tomorrow.” 

“Good night, Jessica.” Aaron gave her a thankful smile. 

                                                       -Hotch-

When he entered his room to find you, you were on his bed, yawning while swinging your legs slowly. 

You held your arms up when you saw him. “You never told me today’s your birthday, so I’m mad.” Aaron chuckled as he looked at your fake angry face. Your eyes starting to lose focus as sleepiness kicking in you rather fast. “Hey, don’t laugh,” you threw one of his pillows to his way, but Aaron skilfully avoided it. “I’m serious. I didn’t have any time to prepare present for you.” You pouted, not realising you were acting like a child. 

Aaron quietly sat next to you, his strong arm wrapping your side. “You being here is my present.” 

“No,” you replied in slur before giving a big yawn. “I’ll always be here for you, so it can’t be a present.” Aaron’s chest swelled in happiness, his heart running over the hill. But you didn’t notice Aaron’s very very happy smile because you leaned on his broad chest, eyes closed. “I want something special, something that reminds me wherever you’re,” you mumbled as you rubbed your eyes. Aaron couldn’t comprehend anything after that, you were both mumbling and slurring and soon falling asleep in his arm. 

“Trust me, F/N. I’ve got the best present ever today.” Aaron whispered to his sleeping boyfriend, pleasant smile plastered on his face.

[vs-redemption]

Hey, im not sure if your requests are open if not ignore this lol but do you think you can do a part two of finding out their unknown child is/was being abused by their mother with Shouto and any other character you would like? (May I ask if Shouto's child could be a girl if it's not too much? Im soft when it comes to him having a daughter🥺) Sorry for being a bother if requests are closed. I can't find where it says if it is or not. Thank you!❤

From Cindy: I’ve written so many of these now! I hope they’re not getting repetitive. It was really nice writing Todoroki (I’ve been thinking about him with a kid recently anyway) And I chose Dabi as the second character because the only other villain I did this scenario for was Shigaraki.

A Surprise Meeting (Todoroki and Dabi meet their abused child)

You can read the same scenario but with Bakugo, Iida, and Aizawa HERE You can read the same Scenario with Hawks, Fatgum and Shigaraki HERE

Warning:⚠️Angst, Child Abuse, mentions of murder/killing⚠️

Shoto Todoroki

Winter was in full effect as Shoto made his way home after his evening patrols. There was a thin layer of snow covering the ground already, and with the rate in which the white fluff was currently coming down, he predicted there would be even more to trudge through when he went to work in the morning. He decides to stop into the nearest convenience store to pick up something hot to eat. He wasn’t particularly cold since he was able to warm himself up pretty well with his quirk, but the pangs of hunger after a long day of work could not be ignored. He sighs in disappointment when he sees that the yakisoba bread is out of stock before going up to the counter and asking for a few steamed meat buns out of the glass case next to the register.

After purchasing his snack he went back outside into the snowy weather to continue his journey home. The sun had already set, so he took his time to enjoy the city streets which were decorated with holiday lights. A small bubble of excitement formed in his chest as he remembered the Christmas party he’d been invited to by one of his classmates from his days back in UA. After graduation, they’d all split up to start their own agencies around the country, so they tried to do something fun once a year as an excuse to see each other again and catch up.

“Mommy, can I have one of those?” the tiny voice pulls Shoto from his day dreaming and he looks across the street to see a mother and daughter making their way through the snow. The girl was really young, no more than five or six years old.

“No!” the mother’s answer comes out harsh and the little girl slumps her head.

“Okay,” the girl sighs and they continue walking. Shoto keeps watching them for moment just out of habit. After all, he was a pro-hero, so it was natural for him to be concerned over a woman and her child waking around after dark.

“Hurry! Up!” The mom suddenly snaps and yanks the daughter forward by the arm. The aggressive behavior makes Shoto flinch, especially when the little girl stumbles over her clunky snow boots and loses her footing. He knew parents lost patience with their children sometimes, but he couldn’t help the memories of his own childhood that resurfaced when he saw things like that.

“Sorry mommy,” the girl yelps when the woman pulls her back up. “But my feet are getting cold.”

“I don’t care if your feet are cold,” the mother lowers her voice. “Walk faster or I’m just going to leave you here in the snow to freeze! What do you think about that?”

Something about the woman’s voice was familiar to Shoto, but he couldn’t see who she was due to the fact she was bundled up in her coat and scarf. The way she treated her child, however, left a sour taste in his mouth. He wasn’t sure if it was his place to interfere though.

“No, please don’t leave me!” The little girl begins to sniffle and struggle harder to keep up with the mother’s pace. She grabs on to the woman’s coat so that she won’t get left behind.

“Stop hanging on me!” The woman whirls around and raises her hand angrily above her head. Shoto can’t stop himself from crossing the street to step in when he sees this. Unfortunately, he doesn’t make it in time to stop the woman from slapping the child, causing her to fall back into the snow while cupping her stinging cheek in her hands.

“Excuse me,” Shoto wasn’t even sure what to say. “Is everything all right?”

“Mind your own business!” The woman turns to face him but her eyes go wide when she sees who’d approached her. Shoto reels back in surprise as well. He knew this woman. He’d been in a relationship with her years ago, but she’d disappeared one day without ever saying why.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Shoto felt extremely confused. “What happened?”

“I got pregnant,” she shrugs as if that weren’t a huge deal. Shoto’s eyes glance back to the tiny girl who had finally stood up and brushed the snow off her pants. She looks up at him and he feels the air leave his lungs. Her watery eyes were identical to his, and her hair was white with just a single lock in the front which was the same color as her mother’s. He had no idea what to do or say, so he simply reaches into the grocery bag to take out a hot meat bun to hand to her. She snatches up the food eagerly and starts munching away while Shoto looks back at his ex.

“What didn’t you tell me?” He asks, trying to keep all his emotions in check as he processes the information.

“Because I had plans for how I wanted to raise her,” the mother gestures to the girl. “And I didn’t want you to stop me. The people in your family tend to have powerful quirks. I wanted to capitalize on that, and I knew you wouldn’t like it.”

Flashbacks of the torturous trainings Endeavor had put him through as a child played in Shoto’s mind and he found himself getting angry. Just what had this woman done to the daughter he’d never even known about?

“Oh, calm down.” She says, noticing the change in the atmosphere. “It all backfired on me anyway. The girl got her quirk a few months ago and it’s nowhere near as powerful as yours or your father’s. Why do you think I’m back in town? I was planning on dropping her off on your doorstep soon anyway.” Shoto looks back at his little girl, sadness and rage consuming him. It hurt to know that she’d suffered with such a heartless parent for so long, just as he had.

“How could you talk like that about your own child?” Shoto asks, looking back at the mother.

“Don’t waste your time trying to make me feel bad,” She crosses her arms over her chest. “If you want her, take her. Otherwise I’ll find an orphanage to drop her off at.” Shoto was quick to shoot down the second option as he reaches down to lift the girl into his arms and cradle her against his chest. He feels a surge of love chase away the negative feelings in his heart as the small girl snuggles against the warmth of his left side.

He exchanges contact information with the mother so that he could get ahold of her when it came time to do all the legal paperwork that would allow him to adopt his daughter. With her cooperation, hopefully the process would go smoothly.

“Can I have another meat bun?” The girl asks shyly has he makes his way home with her in his arms so she wouldn’t have to be in the snow anymore.

“Yes, you can.” Shoto hands her the entire bag. “From now on, you can have anything you want.”

Dabi

Dabi didn’t always hang out in back alleys in the middle of the night, but when he did it was because the rest of the League of Villains had driven him to a point where, if he didn’t go off to cool down somewhere, he was liable to send them all into early graves. If he was honest with himself, the idea wasn’t without merits. There wasn’t a single one of his criminal comrades that didn’t annoy the ever loving daylights out of him. He had the misfortune though of needing them to achieve his wish of fulfilling the doctrine envisioned by the hero killer, Stain. It was for that one single reason that he didn’t end them all.

His self-imposed solitude worked wonders for a short time. The coolness of the night felt good against the burned flesh on his face and arms, but it was quiet times like these when bitter memories tended to creep into his mind and remind him of the reason he was even in the condition he was. He hated how difficult it was to just get a single moment’s peace. If he wasn’t being nagged half to death by the league, his mind was torturing him with images of his messed up past. That was the real reason behind his burning hatred. Sure, he had no problem killing as many heroes as dared to cross his path, but there was only one life that would really calm the bloodlust that constantly consumed him.

The sound of soft footsteps alerts Dabi to the presence of someone approaching. They were trying and failing to be sneaky, but he pretends to be oblivious while using his peripherals to size up the intruder. He wanted to laugh when he gets a glimpse of the form of a young boy, probably no older than seven or eight. He decided to end the kid’s ridiculous ploy before he ended up embarrassing himself.

“Didn’t your mom ever teach you not to play in dark alleys, kid?” Dabi doesn’t even bother to look at the boy who’d froze as soon as he realized he’d been caught.

“My mom’s dead,” the boy snaps and Dabi notes the vengeful tone of his voice.

“That sucks,” he says in a way that clearly showed his disinterest. Recently, Dabi’s only victims had been the scum of society. They were people who he considered so useless he couldn’t even be bothered to let them live after rejecting their pleas to join the League of Villains. “If you’re looking for revenge, I doubt it was me who killed her. And if it was, trust me when I say you’re better off.”

“I know you didn’t kill her,” the boy sounded more confident now, “because I did.” The confession throws Dabi off just a little, and he finds himself intrigued.

“Wow, kid.” He says, still sounding dismissive. “That’s pretty messed up.”

“Not as messed up as being abandoned by your father before you’re even born, and then spending your entire childhood getting slapped around by a deadbeat mom!” The kid’s voice cracks in the middle of his rant, betraying the vulnerability he was trying to hide.

“Oh,” Dabi deadpans. He was done with this conversation now. The boy’s words were seeping into his brain and poking at old traumatic wounds that were better left forgotten. If this child was out looking to cut down his father in cold blood, that was something Dabi could unfortunately relate to and understand completely.

“Well,” he speaks again once the kid failed to take the hint that he should scram. “Bothering me isn’t going to help you. If you die right here in this alley, you’ll never get the chance to fight your old man.”

Suddenly, a wave of heat rolls through the air and the entire alley lights up in eerie blue light. The familiar glow finally elicits a response from Dabi who widens his eyes and finally turns to look at the boy directly. He doesn’t know what to think when he sees bright blue flames dancing in the boy’s palms and around his arms. In the light of the fire, Dabi notices the way the boy’s brilliant blue eyes stare him down with a predatory glare that he knew all too well. It was all evidence leading him to the conclusion that he’d accidentally gotten some poor soul pregnant during his promiscuous mid-teen years. He wasn’t going to bother asking the name of the kid’s mom, he probably wouldn’t remember it anyway.

“It looks like you really drew the short stick when it comes to parents, kid.” Dabi takes a few steps towards the boy whose fire only grows with intensity the closer he gets. “I’m not sure if this’ll make you feel any better, but I can’t be blamed for abandoning someone I never knew existed.” The boy tenses up, looking unsure about what Dabi was trying to say.

“If you knew, would you’ve stayed?” He asks through clenched teeth.

“Probably not,” Dabi admits shamelessly. He kept his tone even although there was an inkling of jealousy worming its way up his spine. The boy had been wielding his blue flames for a decent amount of time now, with no hint that he was taking any damage. When Dabi had been his age, he’d already had permanent skin and nerve damage from the way his sweltering flames tore at his own body.

“You’re a monster!” The boy accuses before waving his arm to send a billowing blast of fire at his father. Dabi countered with his own burst of blue flames that knocked the boy right off his feet and onto his back. The boy scrambled to back away, but Dabi was looming menacingly over him in the blink of an eye.

“I’ve been called worse,” the villain says flatly while placing his boot on the boy’s stomach to keep him from getting away. He leans down so that his son could look into his face and understand the mistake he’d made by coming after him.

“Are you going to kill me?” the boy asks while trying to push Dabi’s foot off of him so he could breathe more comfortably.

“No,” the answer slips out before Dabi can even consider the alternative. “Not unless you try to threaten me again.” He puts a little more pressure onto his foot causing the boy to winch in discomfort. “That’s why you’re going to get out of here and never come looking for me again. You got that?” The boy nods his head obediently and Dabi removes his boot.

“I’ve got nothing to offer you,” he admits while the boy scrambles back to his feet. “Except more of the same miserable existence you’ve known until now.” The boy opens his mouth to speak, the confidence he’d shown before was long gone, but Dabi didn’t want to hear his pleading.

“Get out of here,” he allows his self-destructive flames to erupt all over his body, “now.” The boy didn’t need to be told twice. He understood the threat. He turned on his heel and ran from the alley. Dabi watched the retreating form of his son until he disappeared into the night. He takes a second to stare down at his scared hands as his brain comes to terms with what just happened. He now knew that he had a child out there in the world, but maybe it was best to tuck that knowledge away with the rest of the memories he tried so desperately to suppress. At the end of the day, it didn’t really change anything anyway.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

can we adress how toxic some of these self/harm and suicide fics are?? as someone who has struggled with these issues, treating them as just a way for the two characters to get together, or one character to be the savior who cures someone of their problems? I'm so frickin over it. continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention is a symptom of something major. This is not something i like seeing romanticized. at all.

[CONTENT WARNING FOR ENTIRE POST: heavy discussions of trauma, suicide, self harm, depression, political issue mentions, and eating disorders. Please proceed with care. I am not cutting the post because I think the message is important, so scroll past until my icon disappears <3 Stay safe, My Lovelies.]

Hey Nonny

Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you mention you DO have struggles with these issues, so I’m going to state right up front here and say I AM NOT DISREGARDING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AT ALL. Your view of this topic is valid, and it’s not something I am ever going to say is wrong for you. 

I would like to offer an olive branch, here, Nonny, and give you an alternative take on this, because I’m concerned that perhaps you are still coping with your own struggles and in return, you unwittingly and unintentionally are coming off as unsympathetic to other people’s coping mechanisms.

I KNOW how hard it is to see another view when yours is the only one that seems right, especially after a tragedy or after dealing with heavy things. But all I am asking is for you to temporarily extend some empathy as I discuss my thoughts in this post, and I apologize in advance if I come off as dickish, because, again, it’s hard to see past your own feelings, and I tend to give a “firm but understanding” approach to asks like this. It’s NOT meant to call you our personally. Just asking for an open mind.

I will tackle this ask in a similar fashion to this post here, which talks about shipping vs fetishization so CW for that, as well as like this post here, where we discuss pet peeves. My assumption here is that Nonny is unsure about what “romanticizing” actually entails, and how much this ask is basically Gatekeeping Fiction 101, a thing that’s been going on since the beginning of storytelling. The ask is perceived by me to be emotionally unaware of how unsympathetic it actually sounds, and in turn can unintentionally upset people who engage in these stories.

First thing’s first, Nonny, and I said it before, I GET IT. I understand what you’re going for here, why you feel it’s toxic, and why you think it shouldn’t exist. Here’s the thing, though: what you’re ACTUALLY calling for here is censorship and gatekeeping because YOU PERSONALLY take issue with something, want the fandom specially curated just for you, because it PERSONALLY OFFENDS YOU. And that, it itself, is what’s really toxic, here. Just because YOU are offended, does not mean that it’s not helpful to SOMEONE ELSE, and it’s selfish to make such a demand of people.

Let me explain.

As I mention in the link above re: shipping, many people read and write fics to cope with the reality of their own experiences. Nonny, your experience is NOT the same as someone else’s. Your pain is NOT universal, and you DON’T KNOW what that author has been through; for all you know, they spent 6 months in-hospital after attempting suicide, and they are now simply processing their trauma through storytelling. 

Or, “continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention” ? It’s a VERY REAL THING that ACTUALLY happens in real life, and perhaps it happened to that author, or they want to write an alternate ending to their pain.

Or, “one character to be the saviour who cures someone of their problems?” is something a suicide survivor WISHES someone did for them. Because they feel alone in the world and don’t want to be alone anymore.

These stories are simply escapism for people, either to learn about or share what these mental illnesses do to people, or are the “fantasies” of survivors, of their ideal outcome to their own tragedies. Coping with guilt over the loss of someone they feel they could have saved. The brutal truth about realty.

And sometimes, it is because some people need a good cry and a feel-good happy ending, because real life? Well, it rarely has those happy endings and so few opportunities to let us cry, and sometimes life is just easier when we view it through the eyes of fictional characters. Do you not want someone to save you sometimes Nonny? And I mean metaphorically here, too. Someone to just take all of your hellish burdens off those shoulders for one day. Someone who will come in to save you from yourself. I know I do.

And, well, sometimes, Nonny, it makes people feel less alone in this socially distanced world.

They’re not glorifying that issue Nonny. They’re telling their story.

Here are some thoughts:

Romanticization: Some trendy teen outlet selling a shirt with “mentally diseased” written across it.

NOT Romanticization: A character in a story coming to terms with a diagnosis of mental illness and learning ways to adapt. Their partner is involved 100% and they learn together.

Romanticization: Sherlock merchandise being sold with “I’m a high functioning sociopath” (not mention ableist as all heck)

NOT Romanticization: A character self-harms because of depression, and character B helps the character through their pain and together they get proper therapy and treatment.

Romanticization: Calling yourself “OMG I’m so bipolar!” because it’s trendy.

NOT Romanticization: A clinically depressed author, who survived a suicide attempt, wanting to tell their story through characters the world is already familiar with, and one that a touchy subject can be expressed and understood by other people, because they’re not ready to write the “real” book. Fandom is a safety net for them.

See what I mean Nonny? We don’t KNOW what kind of pain these authors have PERSONALLY been through, and to censor them from having their voices heard and their stories told is just not on for me.

And let me be clear: YES OF COURSE romanticization happens EVERYWHERE. I am not denying that. But your ask is coming off like EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN is glorification of something. By your logic:

Disabled people shouldn’t write about their disabilities because they’re romanticising themselves.

The authors with medical degrees shouldn’t write realistic med-fics because some where in the world, ONE person MAY HAVE had a similar experience as Character A and B.

Someone broke their foot in ballet so they shouldn’t write a story about a ballet dancer who broke their hip because it may offend ONE ballerina SOMEWHERE in space and time who got sideline at the prime of their career? 

Stories about LGBT+ people shouldn’t be written because homophobes think it’s icky.

We shouldn’t write about wizards because it offends high school catholic pastors (an actual thing that happened)? 

How about cancer stories because kids die of cancer all the time? 

Non-fiction autobiographies about holocaust survivors is not okay.

Science books offend flat earthers, so we shouldn’t write those.

Books about the Big Bang and a 4.5 billion-year-old earth offends creationists, so burn those.

A now-adult child rape victim writing their survival stories to help get their often-in-power abusers behind bars are taboo.

True crime stories from detectives on those cases shouldn’t be told because they weren’t the victim.

Non-fiction in general because someone somewhere may have had that one singular thing happen to them.

How about coping with grief over a parent’s sudden death because I personally might find offense in that since that was a horridly traumatic experience in my life?

Do you see how progressively out of touch this argument is? (the answer to all of these: authors should be allowed to write them, because stories make us human). Your argument leads down the very dangerous path to censorship of books, the internet, and history... to have people only read and learn what someone else dictates, leading to... well.

I’m not trying to be a dick here, Nonny, I’m really not. But I think you’re really missing the entire point of fiction and story telling. I feel you’re failing in the empathy game here, and failing to understand what romanticizing really actually is. 

Whenever I get asks like this, I always feel like the Nonnies don’t really know much about pre-Ao3. I come from “early internet” fandom age, and I’m talking before tags existed. Back when I had to go buy a book at Coles and guess what was in it based on a cover description. No “amazon reviews”. No “harmful content warning” stickers. You just picked up that book, and sometimes you get a sweet story about a friends exploring an alien landscape, and other times WHOOOPS ACCIDENTAL ALIEN SEX I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR. And sometimes, it ended with a dark story about death, and the reality of coping with it.

Twenty years ago, books on the shelves at bookstores and libraries were the only place you could do your reading and they certainly do NOT have tags on them... Modern tagging of stories are a REALLY recent thing introduced probably no less than 15 years ago and was perfected by Ao3 (which was started in 2009). 

These days, there is no excuse if you only consume fanfiction on Ao3. Fics are tagged with proper possible-trigger tags 90% of the time. They have a VERY METICULOUS filtering system. You aren’t being forced to read the fics, you don’t have to read the fics, so use those tag filters, they exist for a reason.

So, with that in mind, I genuinely DON’T GET this attitude about people wanting everything sugar coated and saccharine by default. Especially when you can LITERALLY CURATE YOUR OWN CONTENT. Life isn’t sugar coated. And fiction shouldn’t have to be either. People tag fics with triggers for a reason.

As they used to say back in my early internet days: Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Don’t comment, skip, next story.

And to put this ALL into perspective, so that you don’t think I’m talking out of my ass, I’m going to reveal something here: Do you know what fics I can’t read, Nonny, because they trigger me? Eating disorders. That’s self harm, Nonny, in a very different way. But you know what? I know that those fics DO help other ED people so I’m not going to sit her and tell people NOT to rec or write them. And some of those authors who write those stories are processing their own ED through those stories, healing in their own way. And you know what I do when I see one of those fics? I don’t read them, move on, next story.

I’m sorry if you perceive this as me being harsh with you here, Nonny, and you DON’T have to agree with me and you can block me and never talk to me again, and I’ll understand. As I stated at the beginning, I’m offering an alternative perspective, and helping you to see that some people take comfort in these types of stories.

I think what this all boils down to Nonny, after all of this, and rereading your question a final time to see if I missed covering anything, is that (and feel free to shit on me if I am wrong here) I’m getting the impression – as an unprofessional outsider looking in – that you’re still struggling with your inner demons, whether you realize it or not. The tone and brashness of your ask has me believing this... It feels like it was written after a trigger-moment and you needed to vent AT someone because you are alone, and that hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find peace in your mind, soon, and I hope you have someone to talk to professionally, or at least a friend. (tw under link, suicidal ideation discussion and links to phone numbers that can help you). I only wish the best for you, my Nonny.

Anyway. I welcome other people to chime in here, respectfully, and let me know if I have the wrong take here. Because I genuinely don’t think I do, but I am not a professional, so my entire thing that took me 3 hours to write here is probably moot. I’m especially interested (on anon in my asks if you’re not comfy with revealing yourselves) on thoughts from other people who have survived the original topics here, as well as any therapists and authors as well.

Take care of yourself Nonny. And please curate your own content for your mental health. Ao3 has an “exclusionary tag system” as well, please use it. *hugs*

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (8)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 5K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Notes: I’m posting earlier because I won’t be able to post it at midnight. Next week the update will be just like usual. 

I want to say that we’re getting closer to the chap 11, the last one I have written, and if when I post it I don’t have the other ones written yet, the update won’t have a schedule anymore since I don’t want to rush writing [Also I’m blocked to this fic. But I think I might be getting new ideas to the chap 12, so let’s stay hopeful] 

Updates: I’ll update it once a week [Tuesdays] because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

                                                         /////

     He was absolutely everywhere this week.

     Even though you studied on the same Campus for a few years now, you never ran into Hyunjin so many times as you did this past week. You knew it wasn’t like he was stalking you, so you assumed maybe you just didn’t pay attention to his presence, or maybe he avoided you before? It could be even related to the hot dog stand… Maybe it had changed his opinion about the other stands on the Campus?

     Whichever was the reason for you to bump into him all the week, the fact that neither of these days you guys fought for real was impressive by itself. You even were getting along with each other. When would you imagine that you would hang out with Hyunjin peacefully one day? Never. You crossed your legs, waiting for him to knock on your door. Paris walked around the place, grabbing things she thought were important to go to Han’s match.

     As you watched her going around, you recalled your strangely friendly week.

 Monday

     There was something about Mondays that just didn’t click.

     You grunted, rolling your eyes as you spotted the queue, the only thing in your way to get the holy drink that allowed you to function on Monday mornings: Coffee. You checked your phone, sighing as you realized that there was no way in hell you would get your coffee and be on time for your classes. You clicked your tongue, annoyed, spinning on your heels to make your way to the closest vending machine.

     The universe must be a man or it wouldn’t be a dick to you every morning.

     The greatest way to begin your day could only be buying a cheap and utterly disgusting coffee just so you could arrive on time for your classes. Sometimes you wished your Professors would give you some more credit. You were sacrificing your own happiness for them, just so they could fill your desk ─to not say another word─ with assignments to do.

     You strode, checking the time phone’s clock a few times, bumping in some people in the way while letting a bunch of ‘Sorry’ and ‘My bad’ slip through your lips. You skipped some steps, going up the stairs as quickly as you could and finally getting to your destination: The vending machines. You waited behind two girls who seemed to think about what they were going to get, deciding to check your messages for the time being.    

     “Did you hear about it?” the blond one whispered, not paying attention to you but looking to her sides, checking to see if anyone was hearing. Well, hello to you too. The brunette leaned her way, cupping her ear so she could listen to the gossip on first hand “They’re dating” She whispered not as discretely as she thought, making the brunette gasp.

      Blondie nodded as if it was something really impressing and matter-of-factly, and apparently, it really was since Brunette seemed shocked, covering her mouth with her hand. She decided to add a “No way” that made Blondie hum, nodding once again as they exchanged a knowing look. You waited for them to finally choose something from the machine but, of course, they couldn’t do this, gushing about whatever they were saying in a way that you couldn’t really make sense of their words.    

     “Excuse me? Are you going to buy something?” You decided to ask, arching your brow and crossing your arms, kinda done with them. Why the hell take a line to gossip when they could just stand anywhere else as they talked about it? Blondie turned to you, an obnoxious expression on her face, ready to be an asshole.

    As soon as she met your eyes, though, she paled; features blanking and eyes averting from yours immediately. Just as suspiciously, Brunette shrieked, looking at you with wide eyes and pursing her lips before averting her eyes from yours to meet her friend’s.

     Okay, something was definitely weird here.

      And you were smart enough to assume they were talking about you.

    “So?” You pressed but they didn’t say anything, nudging each other with their elbows and snapping you some embarrassed looks before connecting their eyes. Blondie cleared her throat, opening her mouth to say something that never came. She gasped, looking past you, chirping at her friend, and you frowned, turning back to see what was the commotion about.

    “Morning, girls” Hyunjin smirked, stopping right behind you and greeting them with a nod “Y/N” He added later, a hint of amusement under his tone. You nodded back at him, scanning his face. He gave the girls a dimpled smile, eyes scrunching and glinting friendly at them, not a note of dark circles or grumpiness in any corner… Okay, how the hell he did that on a Monday morning?

     The girls turned around to the machine, finally choosing something and hurrying to pick it up, rushing to get away from you but throwing looks over their shoulders. You narrowed your eyes, furrowing your brows in deep thought as you approached the machine, selecting the only coffee you could take from there and inserting your money in the hole.

     “Did you hear something weird today?” You asked casually, waiting for the machine to drop your coffee so you could pick it up. Hyunjin shrugged, thoughtfully sticking his lower lip out, seeming to think about your question. He shook his head, denying, and you sighed, turning back to pick up your coffee.

     That wasn’t there.

     You whined, spotting your drink stuck on the machine, throwing your head back and groaning, totally done with the day. Hyunjin chuckled, peeking over your shoulder to understand what was happening before breaking out in a fit of giggles, trying to muffle them with his hand, looking away. You grimaced at him, kicking the machine lightly to see if it could help somehow, and obviously hurting your foot in the process, which made him laugh more, twittering.

    “Hey!” You grumbled, looking at him warily. You checked your phone again. Great, just five minutes to be officially late for your classes! You rested your forehead on the glass, bumping it softly twice before sighing, ready to forfeit. He seemed to take pity on you, tapping your shoulder so you would look at him.

     “Here, let me help you” He offered, pushing you lightly so you would get out of his way, and giving two hard hits at the side of the machine, followed by three slaps and one kick. You looked at him impressed, waiting for the coffee to fall. He blocked your view with his back, and waited a bit, looking inside the machine before repeating his previous actions “Well, it helps on movies” He pointed out, still not looking at you, and you cackled up.

    As soon as you heard the engine’s working, coiling inside the machine, and the soft thud made way to your ears, you gasped, laughing dying in your throat. He looked smugly at you, picking up the bottle and handing it to you, his smirk almost too cocky to handle. You rolled your eyes, taking it from his hands, preparing to thank him when you noticed it.

    The same bottle stuck there, looking at you.

    You looked at the bottle in your hands before giving the other bottle another look, trailing your eyes to Hyunjin slowly. He smiled mischievously now, and you soon realized what he had just done. You hurried to open your bag, searching for your wallet just to realize you forgot it at the dorm, letting another groan leave your lips, tired of this day already. You opened your mouth to protest but he raised his hand, waving it dismissively.

     “That’s my surrender gift” He smiled at you, and you sighed before checking your phone once again.

     “I’ll pay you back” You promised, turning around to rush to your classroom.

     “Oh, can I know how you’ll do it?” He asked suggestively, raising his voice so you could hear him. You rolled your eyes, although he didn’t see it, before shooting him your middle finger.

    “Fuck off” You shouted back, and you shook your head in amusement as you heard him chortle at your snap.

Tuesday

     You pinched the bridge of your nose, letting a sigh fall from your lips.

     It would be impossible not to be aware of all the looks people shot your way and the whispering following every step you took on the halls. You hoisted your bag over your shoulder, lowering your head and fixing your gaze on the floor as you strode quickly, sensing Paris following right behind you.

    “What the hell is happening?” She mused, heading to your usual sit, as soon as you got to the classroom, throwing her bag on the desk as she sat down. You followed her, looking at her in clear defeat before resting your bag beside hers, sighing as you took your seat.

     “I don’t have any idea” You admitted, looking around the room, noticing a few heads snapping away, pretending not to watch you both like a hawk “I heard some girls talking about someone dating yesterday… I guess they’re talking about me and Hyunjin?” You guessed, shrugging “They sure acted strange when he showed up” You added, pensive.

     “You? Dating Hyunjin?” Paris asked surprised, brows shooting up and an amused smile spreading through her face “Why?” She chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief, eyes wandering to the door to meet an amused Hyunjin coming in. He walked as if he owned the place, looking to each classmate in the front and giving them a silent greeting before he got next to both of you.

     “Have you heard the news?” He asked, chuckling, before pulling the chair to sit down, the scrapping sound making you cringe  “We’re dating” He stated, eyes holding such amusement that they almost disappeared as he grinned.

     “Oh? So that’s really it?” You hummed, nodding in understanding “Why does everybody think we’re dating?” You asked curiously and he shot you a surprised look, head tilting back slightly and brows arching up as he blinked once, totally dumbfounded.

    “What?” His tone confused you, voice faltering as it mixed with giggles, eyes looking at you with awe.

    “What?” You asked sternly, frowning at him, trying to find some hint on his amused features that explained why he found it so funny. You leaned forward on your desk to take a better look at him, and Paris leaned back, interested in what was unraveling in front of her, eyes darting to both of you expectantly.

    “Well- No, I mean…” He leaned forward, mimicking you, his amused feature giving way to confused one “I heard about me and Paris” He stated, and this time you were the one who got dumbfounded “Are we disappointed here?” He teased, smirking at you suggestively, which you promptly ignored.

    “Oh” You blurted, surprised, blinking a few times and nodding in understanding. You cleared your throat, fixing yourself on your seat, settling against the backrest “Paris, hm?” You nodded again, hand rising slowly to your chin, cupping it as your index finger rested on your lips “So why the hell are people talking behind my back?” You mused out loud, frowning, eyes focused on the empty whiteboard.

    “You should be used to it by now” He mocked, and you glanced at him in contempt, rolling your eyes before quirking your lips down, shaking your head in disbelief. Paris chuckled, looking at both of you amused, crossing her arms while she watched your interaction as if it was her favorite movie, making you throw her a narrowed look.

    “Ha-Ha, you’re so funny” You sneered, eyes wandering back to him. He chortled, his smirk growing to a grin.

    “Was that why you fell for me?” You let your head fall back, groaning at his sickening tone. This time Paris burst out laughing, hiding her face behind her hands as she tried to control herself, pinching her nose right after and giving up, letting a satisfied sigh through her lips as she shook her head in amusement.

    “Not at this level of friendship yet” You warned him jokingly, watching as Mr.Lee finally arrived, smiling at everyone and waving, greeting you all. He snorted, nodding in agreement as he fixed his attention to the Professor.

     It was just like any other day.

     Professor Lee resumed his previous classes, going on and on about human emotions and how each one of us can have an impact on one another. As usual, you noted everything down, occasionally looking at him, pencil tapping your lips as you thought about what he just said, and scribing down your own observations on the notebook. Paris and Hyunjin once in a while voiced their thoughts to Mr.Lee, and usually, you would follow them but this time something different happened.

    You agreed with Hyunjin.

    You raised your brows when you opened your mouth and he interrupted you, not noticing that you wanted to add something to the discussion, and said exactly the same thing you were going to say. You chuckled, which didn’t go unnoticed by either your friends or Mr.Lee, who promptly smiled at you, gesturing your way.

    “Do you have something to say, Ms.Y/N?” He asked calmly, interested in your reaction “I must say I was kinda disappointed you didn’t try to discuss anything today” He smiled fondly, crossing his arms and leaning back on the board, waiting for a heated debate as usual.

     “Actually, Professor…” You laughed, a soft bark that made him look at you in wonder “I’m with Hyunjin on this one” You admitted. Professor Lee looked at you in genuine surprise, mouth agape for a moment before he chortled, nodding in acknowledgment, eyes glinting in amusement. You got a glimpse of Hyunjin’s head snapping your way, utterly surprised by your statement while Paris hid her mouth, smiling knowingly.

    “I never thought this day would come but I guess getting to know each other helps the relationship” He joked, waving dismissively before returning to his speech. You tried to keep your attention on your notes but Paris nudging you with her elbow and Hyunjin smirking smugly didn’t help much, so you eyed them impatiently, dropping your pencil to the paper.

    “What?” You hissed, rolling your eyes, expecting their teasing.

    “Are you trying to steal my man?” Paris asked in a feigned outraged tone, voice low to not be caught by the Professor, making Hyunjin snort, lowering his head to the desk, body trembling as he tried to muffle his laugh. You smirked, shaking your head in amusement as you picked up your pencil again, holding your laugh.

     “Yeah, totally” You agreed, laughing through your nose, rolling your eyes playfully. Hyunjin lifted his torso, resting his elbow on the desk and cupping his cheek as he looked at you suggestively, a grin playing on his lips.

     “I have to let you know that I’m faithful to my girlfriend” He joked, hand resting on Paris’ shoulder to claim her as his fake girlfriend. Paris grimaced, shaking her shoulder so he would drop his hand, which he did promptly. You darted your eyes between them, lacing her shoulders and bringing her closer to you so the situation could be less awkward, flashing him a mocking smile.

    “Oh, you sure are” You taunted “You’re even buying me stuff behind her back” You joked, and he rolled his eyes.

     “Please, it was just a coffee” He defended himself, and Paris giggled, turning her head to him but before she could say something he added “If it’s all it takes for you to fall for me I’ll fill you with coffees” He flirted jokingly, making you roll your eyes and scoff while Paris chuckled at you. Your chat was cut down by a warning glare from Mr.Lee, and the three of you pursed your lips, going back to pay attention to the classes.

 Wednesday

    You sat down, watching as Chan looked through the menu even though he always ordered the same stuff over and over again. You figured he just did it to tease you at this point, knowing you felt shy to blurt the order out since he was the one who was paying. You crossed your legs underneath the table, hands caressing the silky tablecloth, feeling its texture as you wondered if they really needed to make such high-quality stuff like that just so kids would spill all their sauce on it.

    “If all Mr.Lee’s classes are teaching me anything, I’d say you need someone to hook up or something” Hyunjin teased you, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on his chair, not giving a shit about behaving like a rich kid “Not even the poor table can escape now” He gesture to your hands and you stopped straightening the fabric for a moment, hands still on the table.

    “Aren’t you too interested in my love life lately?” You arched your brow, looking at him smugly “I thought you only cared about your beloved girlfriend” You added, flashing Paris a smile, one that she promptly returned before giving him a teasing look.

    “He has been too interested” She agreed, leaning forwards, eyes focused on him expectantly, “I think we’ll have to break up, sweetheart” She pouted, feigning disappointment as she gave him puppy eyes that made him scoff.

    Chan frowned, raising his eyes from the menu.

    “That’s right, I’ve been hearing this shit around” He joined, wavering his eyes between Hyunjin and Paris “Are you guys dating or something?” He asked curiously, making the three of you laugh. Who would have thought you would be laughing along with Hyunjin after all those years? Chan raised his brows, judging all of you, but he didn’t return his look at the menu, waiting for some explanation.

    “I don’t know why the fuck people think we’re dating” Hyunjin answered him, shrugging as he looked at Paris in deep thought “I mean… I heard something about Friday’s party but I don’t know what made people think I’m into her” He mused.

    “Oh, thank you!” She mocked, grinning at him in feigned pain, hand going to her chest “It’s nice to know I’m not worthy” She joked, and Hyunjin rolled his eyes at her.

    “That’s not what I meant, okay?” He sighed “I mean that we didn’t even talk! I just drove you guys there and took you home… I mean, Y/N was together and nobody is saying that we’re doing a threesome” He reasoned.

     “People know we don’t get along” You reminded him.

      “Oh, so you’re not against threesomes?” He smiled knowingly, blinking at you a few times in mock innocence. You rolled your eyes, looking at Chan before pointing at his friend.

     “Please, control your friend” Chan chuckled at you but didn’t say anything, resuming his studies at the menu “Can’t you interact like a normal human being, dude? You’re such a flirt!” You complained.

    “I’m not flirting” He scoffed, resting his face in his hand as he put his elbow on the table “You would know if was flirting with you” He added, giving you an obnoxious smile.

    “Well, I can’t remember a thing about Friday’s party” Paris mimicked Hyunjin’s position, twisting her head at you as she did, ignoring him completely “Are you guys sure that nothing happened?” She asked, eyes fixing on you for a few moments before fixing her gaze on Hyunjin.

     You snapped your eyes at him, worry painting down your face as you expected him to not speak a thing about her slip up about Han. You held your breath in, eyes glued to Hyunjin’s mouth, attentive for any trying to mention Paris’ crush or anything similar to this. Hyunjin opened his mouth, unaware of your concerns.

      “Well, I carried you?” He shrugged, and you sighed relieved, feeling your body relaxing slowly “Then you said some interesting things…” He teased, and you didn’t even think twice before your leg uncrossed itself and jerked his way, kicking him under the table “Ouch!” He snapped his head up, startled, hands going to cupping his knee as his face twisted in pain.

     “Sorry, It was for Chan” You smiled apologetically, glancing at your friend that suddenly raised his head from the menu again, frowning at you in confusion “Let’s choose something quickly, I’m hungry” You changed the subject, fixing your gaze now on Chan, not missing the way Hyunjin rubbed his legs, pouting at you.

    “Wait… What interesting things?” Paris asked, not buying your attempt to distract her. You darted your eyes to Hyunjin, and this time he seemed to notice your worries, snorting before sending you a look to calm you down.

     “You said you loved me” He explained, sustaining your gaze for few seconds before looking at Paris, letting you know that it was all he was going to say. You sighed again, moving your eyes to Chan, who studied you silently.

     “I was thinking of getting something different today” He explained himself, lowering the menu to the table, showing his whole face to you “To celebrate your new… Friendship or something?” He eyed Hyunjin in doubt, wondering if he could call both of you friends, and you chuckled at him.

     “Celebrate our new something sounds nice” You admitted, “So that’s why you’re looking at the options like your life depends on it?” He smiled sheepishly and you let a wholeheartedly laugh out, getting Hyunjin and Paris’ attention.

     “You’re so cute together” Paris voiced her thoughts, smiling fondly at you two, which made both of you roll your eyes and sigh.

    “Will you ever get tired of this?” Chan asked displeased, looking at Paris as if she had one brain cell struggling to survive “We’re just friends” He added, handing the menu to you, giving up on choosing something new “Just pick up whatever you want, I can’t decide on anything” You took the menu, furrowing your brows as you looked at the options.

    “I’m not saying you guys should date! I’m saying you’re cute friends” Paris defended herself, leaning to your side, to look at the menu with you, grimacing just like you when you saw the prices “Holy shit, is that how much you pay every time we come here?” She raised her eyes, surprised.

    “They will try to choose the cheapest” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, taking the menu from your hands “It doesn’t even matter what we choose because they’ll like it… They can eat anything, I swear to you” He took a glance at the menu, humming when he found something that seemed to please him, raising his hand so he could order.

     “You’re not so picky yourself’ You taunted “Weren’t you the one who loved the hot dog stand?” You smiled victoriously but he scoffed, crossing his arms when he saw the waiter coming in your way.

    “When did I ever say that?” He acted dumb, raising his brows in feigned confusion. You rolled your eyes, waiting for him to order the food, speaking those strange French words that you would never try to pronounce. The waiter noted everything down, smiling politely and going away, as Hyunjin returned his gaze at you.

     “You called it good” You reminded him “Actually! You called it really good” You emphasized, crossing your arms to copy him, both of you looking at each other mockingly.

    “I’m sure I called it fine” He retorted.

     “I call you a liar” You scoffed in disbelief “You ate it like a child!” You accused, and this time he laughed at you, a teasing grin spreading on his face.

     “I call you delusional” He mocked “I’d never eat a stand hot dog like a child nor say it’s good” You rolled your eyes at him.

     “Really good” You corrected.

     “Really good” He agreed, smirking.

     “Chan, you ate those! Wouldn’t you call it really good? Isn’t he being an ass?” You whined, nudging Chan under the table. He just rested his hand on his other one, watching both of you silently.

     “You just called me an ass?” Hyunjin asked amused “She called me an ass! Won’t you do something?” He nudged Chan, joining you in disturbing him.

     “Yes, I will call it not my problem” He grimaced, a half-heart grin on his face. You laughed, nudging Hyunjin this time, getting a knowing smirk from him. He leaned on Chan, resting his elbow on his shoulder and tilting his head.

     “Weren’t you the one who was so concerned about all our arguments?” He teased “I thought you wanted to be our dad or something” He added, making Chan roll his eyes again, sighing.

     “Now you’ll mock me for making you being friends” He whined, turning his head to Hyunjin and looking him in the eyes “You totally liked that hot dog, that shit is amazing” He finally stated, and you high-fived Paris, proud of your favorite stand being recognized.

    “Well, I’m glad you like my choices, Daddy” You laughed, and this time Chan snorted, shaking Hyunjin’s arm off of him and leaning back on his chair.

     “I’d be even happier if you choose not to argue about useless things and bringing me in” He gave you a fake smile, although you could see his eyes glinting in amusement.

     “I guess you’ll have to love me with all my flaws” You joked, making him chortle, nodding fondly at you.

     “Yeah, I guess I will” He gave in, smiling.

 Thursday

    Your week seemed to have at least 30 days inside it.

    That was how much work you had to do since Monday. You felt relieved as you finally finished your part of Mr.Lee’s project while you were working at the Library today, writing all the discussions you had with Paris through the week and all the points you and Hyunjin had gathered until now. Today, you just needed to take a break now that you finished everything you had to do for the day.

    As you approached the Hot Dog Stand, happy to see that this time it was way less crowded ─ Just a few people hanging around there─, you frowned at a tall figure looking around the options displayed, seeming really lost even though you only saw his back. You scoffed, shaking your head in amusement as you finally got to the stand, not even sparing him a glance.

    “Make it two, Mister” You asked, delighted as you felt him flinch beside you. You glanced at him, a knowing smirk on your lips, as you silently showed off to him, leaning against the stand and tilting your head to the side “Look who is here” You taunted, getting off on how he shrunk, clearly embarrassed.

     “Will I hear the end of it?” He whined, and you laughed at him, shrugging.

     “Who knows?” You grinned, turning your back to the stand and crossing your arms, leaning on the stool there “I thought it wasn’t fancy enough for your rich ass” You teased him, and this time he snorted, shrugging back to you.

     “You got me, I really loved it” He admitted “I was just teasing you yesterday… That’s what friends do, right?” He risked, and you smiled at him, this time no teasing on your face.

     “Maybe a little bit too soon?” You said playfully, getting a light kick on your foot as an answer “You can just order a ten when you come here by yourself” You instructed him, and his eyes lit up immediately, a bright smile making way to his lips.

     “Oh, thanks! I was going to ask for a usual but then I was like” He chortled before continuing, making you laugh “I just came here once the man won’t even remember me” He laughed at himself, leaning on the stool next to yours.

     You fell into silence.

     It wasn’t really an awkward silence but it wasn’t completely comfortable either. You glanced at each other once in a while, wondering if you should try to make some conversation up but letting it go, waiting for your order to be ready. As soon as the employee called you, giving the orders, you gave him enough money to pay for the both of you, and Hyunjin frowned at you.

    “I will pay mine” He said but you nudged him with your foot as you fixed your food to take a bite.

    “It’s a payback for the coffee” You stated, chewing your hot dog. He looked at you uncertainly, taking a bite of his own, and you rolled your eyes at him “I can pay for two hot dogs, Hyunjin” You chuckled. He waved his hands effusively, widening his eyes, and shaking his head eagerly; clearly nervous with how you took his hesitance.

    “No! That’s not it!” He reassured, swallowing down his food, almost choking on it ”I just… I don’t know, it’s strange to be treated like this” He shrugged “I’m not used to it” He admitted, and you nodded, imagining that being rich had made him pay for a lot of things for his dates.

    Not that it was a date.

     “Oh! Are you really going to Han’s match tomorrow?” You asked curiously, suddenly remembering their bickering from the last week. He nodded while taking another bite at his food, stocking it on his cheeks and cupping his mouth to answer you.

    “Yes, Paris is really excited I’m going with you guys… I guess she’s happy seeing us getting closer” He declared, shrugging “Or maybe she’s really into me and just blurted out his name for no reason” He joked, and you laughed along with him.

    “No way” You shook your head, disagreeing with him “She didn’t even let you touch her shoulder and she let Han throw his arm around her… She totally likes him” You stated, and he hummed, pondering.

    “Or maybe she’s just shy and doesn’t know how to take my touches” He suggested, and you rolled your eyes.

     “Anyway, so you’re coming with us” You brought back the subject not so subtly, making him grin, wiggling his brows.

     “Are we jealous?” He teased, making you scoff.                      

     “Yeah, I’m even turning green” You extended your arm for him to see it, and he burst out laughing “It may also be because you make me sick” You said playfully, and he pushed you lightly, still laughing.

    “Hey! You’re mean” He whined, and this time you smiled at him, amused.

    Indeed a strange amicable week with your ex-nemesis.

                                                      ////

Tagging: @thatrandomoneinthecorner

[jay-jay-the-simp]

New Genshin OC voice-lines

Genshin voicelines

Name: Phoenix [REDACTED] - Prideful Sin

Origin: Another world (Earth)  

Affiliations: Knight of Favonius

Power: Miasma emission/Teleportation

Weapon: Claymore

Star name: Sabik Orion (Not real)

Birth day: 30/11

-Elemental Skill (Oźy Pit: Acidic Feeling): Because I’m not smart in writing, Phoenix basically just makes orange/Purple acid appear from the ground, and infused with Dendro will cause “Burn”.

-Elemental Burst (Scarlet’s Will: A’tellifs Silence): Again, I’m not smart so what happens is that Phoenix will make a circle under the target, which will turn into a portal, making other portal inside the circle, teleporting the target everywhere whilst Phoenix teleports along with it and attacks it.

Role: Main DPS

Good: CRIT DMG, CRIT RATE, ATK, Movement SPD

Decent: CD,

Bad: DEF, HP, ER, EM

Constellations:

• Tint of Evil: Increases Oźy Pit: Acidic Feeling by 10%

• Brooding Silence: Every time teammate dies, Oźy Pit: Acidic Feeling will decrease by 30%

• Red Illness: Scarlets Will: A’tellifs Silence increases by 20%, but decreases 500 health every second.

• Lizards Wrath: Oźy Pit: Acidic Feeling Will increases by 10s.

• A’tellifs Ring: Scarlets Will: A’tellifs Silence becomes more powerful with Dendro bursts.

• Kings Cruelty: Any other character gets they’re healthy decreases so Phoenix’s health will increase.

———————————————————————————————————————

-Hello: Heya! I’m Phoenix and I am also from another world it’s nice to meet you!

-Good Morning: *Yawns* Good Morning Albe- Oh, it’s you, sorry thought you were someone else.

-Good afternoon: I’m starving! Let’s go before I start eating humans.

-Good evening: Can we have snack time? Please, please, please!

-Good night: Night time… It gives me memories of my home world, not good ones… But need’nt bother because I need to go to sleep and you do too, I’ll talk to you in the morning.

-When it rains: *Achoo* Even being the 6th son of one of the most powerful beings out there, my immune system is still so very weak, ugh…

-When is windy: Is Venti drunk again…?

-When there’s a thunderstorm: Is the Electro Archon mad at us or is Ei still gaining time to think about redemption.

-When it snows: As a person born  and raised in a laboratory, snow isn’t very common, but I’ve been in DragonSpine way too many times to know what it looks like.

-Chat (divinity): I do indeed have god blood running through my veins, but that doesn’t mean I am god. My mother was human and my father, well, my father will never be one, so I’m more of a Demigod.

-Chat (divinity) ll: Being seen as a Divine Being by others isn’t much of a choice, unless of course, you want it to be. But I have never wanted to be known as the 6th “Scarlet Child” or “Pride”, it’s a bad title once you know who my father is or what it means.

-Chat the (Fatui): All I know is to kill them once they enter my prephiral vision. But I must say that they are very annoying.

-About Albedo: He’s the one who accidentally teleported me here and also the one who takes care of me, usually people think he’s my father, but honestly, he’s just my teacher. Unfortunately anything I do or say will get him in trouble, so I can’t ever leave anywhere without him.

-About Sucrose: She’s super nice but seems to analyze me a lot, she helps me with my homework and usually helps me when Albedo can’t. I guess I am a bit confused on why she wants to create a different world, although I know how to do it, it’s better if she didn’t, since it’d have to kill her in the process.

-About Kaeya: The most annoying and flirtatious guy I’ve ever seen, ugh, he sucks! Kaeya always makes me do HIS work and it’s so annoying! I swear to 343 I’m gonna kill him someday!

-About Diluc: Master Diluc? He’s okay I guess, I don’t really wanna intrude his personal space, but I am very curious on why he acts all sad…

-About Eula: She is one of the most amazing people in Teyvat! She’s good at basically everything and she’s very nice! She dances ballet with me and teaches me how to use the Claymore! I don’t get why people don’t like her, probably jealousy.

-About Jean and Barbara: They are super nice! Although I haven’t “formally” met Jean before, I can tell she’s a very hardworking person! Barbara is too, but I do feel bad that they’re always working and never resting…

-About Mona: An astrologist who couldn’t tell me anything about my family… Figured. But I honestly like her a lot for not taking the advantage of astrology and making money, even if she’s in need of it.

-About Venti: Barbatos! Such a responsible god to the point I need to drag him out of the tavern when he’s blackout drunk… Ugh, whatever.

-About Chongyun and Xingqiu: Chogyun is quite scared of me, this may be news to you but I wasn’t born human, in fact, I was born as a demon whose bigger than Azhdaha and Osial, this is only my 3rd human form, so of course my aura carries demon aura, Chongyun gets quite scared around me. Xingqiu on the other hand, he likes flirting with me since we’re both the same age, but it’s just friend flirting since we’re all only friends.

-About Xiao: He doesn’t trust me at all, but because of Aether and Ganyu, he can’t do anything. But in his eyes, I’m only a demon who needs to be executed, nothing else…

-About Ganyu: She’s pretty cool! But whenever I’m in Liyue, Ganyu starts taking care of me as if I’m her child, although it’s nice… I feel bad for taking up the time she could’ve used to rest….

-About Zhongli: Heh, names the worlds currency after himself, a bit cocky don’t you think? Honestly, he doesn’t do any effort to hide his identity.

-About Kazuha: Sometimes brings me along boat rides, sometimes doesn’t. Very kinds but so very serious. He’s a mix, but a good one. Sometimes he makes me wish I were 18, but I should stop fanboying before the wind tells him about this.

-About Sara: Dedicated to her job, independent, goes by the rules. A good person honestly.

-About Ei: An archon who wants, or wanted to keep her land equal as it always was. She doesn’t understand how humans work, but she’s getting the hang of it.

-About Ryuuko: A smart and funny person, she thinks that just because I’m shorter than her, she can pat my head! Scounderous! She’s just like Dr.Clef, ugh….

-About Phoenix l: I kind of rebelled against my father…. Not really since I do still destroy worlds and take Pride in genocide, but he thinks I’m in another world, so I’m basically lying to him about Teyvat’s existence.

-About Phoenix ll: People are always surprised when they see my real form, it’s as if I’m not the same demon, of course I am! This is my real personality.

-About Phoenix lII: I mock my siblings a lot without you even knowing! They can tell when they’re being mocked and it’s honestly so hilarious hearing them complain!

-Phoenix’s hobbies: Usually I just do Alchemy and train with Eula but I also go adventuring with Bennet or cook with Xiangling. Hm? Oh, well, I guess fighting Osial with you, the adepti and the Qixing was fun, but it’s not a hobbie.

-Phoenix troubles: I hate hate hate Dendro slimes! All of them are so annoying! Every time I am getting materials for Sucrose or Albedo, they always pop up and scare me! I wish they all disappeared.

-Favorite Food: I love Noelles pancakes! They’re honestly the best and so tasty! I can melt just thinking about them! (*starts actually melting* No wait stop pls-)

-Least favorite food: Wolfhook, it’s so salty… I don’t know why people like it, bleh! It’s only good for healing.

-Birthday: What’s a… Birthday? Oh wait, I remember celebrating this day with Diona once! Ahem, I congratulate you for living another day to come back to the date of which your mother screaming in pain, happy birth.

-Feelings about Ascension (intro): I feel a bit weird… But stronger!

-Feelings about Ascension (building up): How does this work??? Why is Ryuuko saying my soul ate Ruin Guard parts? Ahhhhhh help!

-Feelings about Ascension (climax): I feel so tingly…

-Feelings about Ascension (conclusion): I’m so powerful now! I can definitely defeat my brother now!

-Elemental Skill: Acidic Waves! Ha! Feel the Acid!

-Elemental Burst: Feel the Scarlet Kings Pride! Death Upon You! A Sin not to be Forgiven!

-Sprint (start): Lets go! I’m not fit enough for this!

-Sprint (end): *pant* All I can feel is pain… *pant

-Wing glider: Yahoo! *giggles* I’ve only had fun like this before the Melting Sun 001 incident!

-Jumping: Oop!

-Plunging attack: Dizzy….

-Charged attack: Spin spin spin! The world is spinning!

-Low HP: Healer please! Hurts a lot! *sniffling*

-Light hit taken: That’s it? / Haha! / Shouldve trained more!

-Heavy hit taken: A-agh! / You’re good / You trained for a long time, haven’t you?

-Death: The King will… Rise / Impossible.. / So.. Dark… / Congratulations, you’ve killed the 6th child/ Seems like you… won

-Light attack: Heh! / Hmph!

-Decent attack: Egh

-Heavy attack: Weakling / *laughing*

-Defeating enemies: Should’ve kept your mouth shut / This is what happens when duel a demigod / I’ve won

-Joining party: Let’s-a go! Hello new friends! *Gasp* So many experiences!

-Chest: All that for an empty chest? So many materials! Can I take them?

[twelvedy7]

Twisted - One shot

warning: sensitive topics (drugs). 

I just wanted to write something a bit different. It might be a bit OCC but I thought it might be a great fit for the manga universe.   This story won’t be published anywhere else than tumblr so feel free to save the story if you like it.

Oh and also english isn’t really my native language so sorry if there are incoherences. 

Takano had no sense of self-control. From a very young age he has been a witness of the sheer harshness of his mother and the complete indifference of his father towards their family. Despite how much he tried to convince himself of his difference he inherited from most of their flaws, which filled him with anger every time he thought about it. 

No wonder that whenever he met someone bright, kind, generous and appreciated he became more aware of his whole dark gloomy personality. That was the case with Ritsu he was still viewing today as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago.

No wonder that when he met this bright, kind and generous highschool kid he had become more aware of his dark gloomy personality. He was still viewing Ritsu as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago and yet he couldn’t understand for the life of him the reason why such a lovable person would waste their time with him rather than finding another likeable person that would be such a better companion than him.

If all the open rejections from the brunette could make him believe he hated him, he was at least smart enough to read between the lines and see what the other tried so hard to conceal under feigned anger and flustered reactions. 

What seemed to be like a bitter-sweet genuine love story from two ignorant teenagers who lost each other from a foolish misunderstanding was driving him straight into madness. Ritsu was constantly on his mind, invading his thoughts at any time of the day, reminding him of the terrible person he was and how he will never be nowhere near enough for him. Even in the poorly credible reality where the younger one would actually build up the courage to admit his feelings, he knew that their relationship was sealed to failure. 

One day Ritsu would mature and realise how incompatible they were and how idealistic they’ve been this whole time before leaving him to find another person that could offer him the support and love he needed. Maybe one day Ritsu would find the man of his dreams, different from senpai in every way, to finally live the blissful life he aspired to. That’s what broke his heart the most: they were not made for each other. No matter how hard he tried, it will never be enough because they were simply not meant to. 

He imagined Ritsu’s soulmate to be fun, social, caring, communicative and considerate which would make him forget all the turmoil he went through for all this time. His parents might be so enchanted by their personality that the fact they weren’t An-Chan wouldn’t even bother them.

The truth is he was physically and emotionally drained. He couldn’t feel a thing if it wasn’t his love for Ritsu and sometimes he felt as if that was his last tie with sanity. There were times where he would shut down his emotions. When it became too difficult to confront their inevitable fate, he would put himself in a semi-automatic mode working up to 15 hours straight without paying attention to anything or anyone, only accomplishing what he ought to.

Over time, he came to accept that he wasn’t able to love anyone without causing them a great deal of pain and suffering. That’s why he decided to distance himself from the few people who actually cared about him in his life and managed to bring him some split meaningful moments of happiness. It was like a lightning bolt shaking him from side to side, making him surrender to the hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with Ritsu and recovering from his long-lost friendship with Yokozawa. He hurt them both and didn’t deserve to be part of their lives. 

His phone vibrated. He broke off his thoughts to center his attention on the alias displaying on the screen: “Taisho” along with a message “I’m here.”

He stood up from the floor, came up to the entrance of his apartment and opened the door. A man of average-height in his mid-thirties was waiting for him. At first glance, he gave the impression of being a regular salary-man coming back home to his family after a long day of hard work. However, he came to discover that the man likely had a long history of debt behind him involving matters such as a costly divorce and low paychecks.

Not bothering to greet him, he pulled out 6,000 yen from his pocket and handed it to the fearful looking man who replaced the notes with a small transparent plastic bag containing a white powder. 

“Same thing next week?” asked the anxious black-haired man, his light blue eyes too faithful to be a dealer squeezing behind his oval glasses. 

“Yeah. See you.” 

Without giving him a second glance, he double-locked the door and came back to his dimly lit living room that felt so lonely without Ritsu here. It would take some time, if not forever, to prevent this heavy load in his heart from manifesting every time he would find himself alone without the prospect of his first love joining him any time soon. 

It still pained him… Nao came unannounced in the office earlier in the morning and asked Ritsu out for something that too likely looked like a date. A walk in the city center, a restaurant, and a nighttime exposure. That bastard. 

The rare times he had managed to take Ritsu out for a date was by forcefully dragging him out of his apartment or bluntly lying by message playing the card of ‘emergency’. He remembered the dull ache he felt in the morning as he realised how easy it was for his “best-friend” to take him out to a full outing while he had to prepare a strategy days ahead just to drink a coffee together. 

Opening the tiny bag in his hands, he chased away his dark thoughts and kneeled in front of his coffee table, pouring half of the powder out on its surface and realigned it in two fine lines with the help of an old credit card. He usually didn’t take such high doses in one shot, but tonight he knew that he needed it. The accumulated pain and overthinking were taking a toll on him. Rolling a paper, he brought it to his right nostril and sniffed the first line, ignoring the burning pain in his cavity before passing it to his left one and repeated the action.

A few seconds later he started feeling the tiny molecules flowing through his blood system, noticing the faster pace of his heart beat and the gradual relaxation of his muscles as the drug invaded his mind.

He closed his eyes. 

As always, the thrill was exquisite. The far away sounds of ambient city noises echoed and at some point the only thing he could decipher in the absolute silence was his own breath. His body was soft and any psychological pain he felt instantly disappeared. It was as if someone had covered him with a warm fluffy blanket while stroking his hair with a gentle grasp, providing him an endless feeling of comfort and security he so desperately needed. 

At that moment, everything stopped and all his troubles went away. Nothing mattered anymore. He was back being a young child pampered by a protective mother he never had with an unconditional sense of love. Pleasurable sensations coursed through his body from head to toes until his spirit went numb and he lost any notion of space and time. 

He reached that moment of nothingness that he wished could last forever.

___ 

“Takano-san!” 

...

“Takano-san!” 

Who was it? 

The voice seemed so far away he wasn’t even sure it was real.

“Masamune!” Why would someone try to break the silent darkness that was surrounding him?

For what seemed like hours, he felt himself trapped in-between the process of gaining and losing consciousness. He didn’t want to be drawn from his deep slumber yet.

He recognized some familiar voices in the background but it was hard to put a name on them as they seemed to continuously echo. 

It took him several more minutes to realise that people were present and it shook him. He became hyper aware of his environment.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a bunch of white blouses around him scampering around the room at a feverish speed. 

His mind whirled. The world seemed to be going so fast but his brain was so slow. 

His golden eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. In an instant he was blinded by the artificial light of the leds on the ceiling. 

In the chaos of all the fast-paced strangers around him, he felt a delicate hand fondling with the hair on the short back of his neck and let out a soft tired moan escape his lips. 

“Takano-san can you hear me?!” 

He groggily stretched out his limbs while burying his head on the petite body frame behind him and looked up to see who was the kind stranger offering him such soft intentions. 

Above him were two wide teary green eyes displaying a worried expression. Despite his blurry vision, he could recognize the refined and familiar traits of the man he loved. It looked surreal, having the both of them like this sharing such intimacy in a restless atmosphere.

Next to him was standing Yokozawa in his usual professional attire. He could only watch them through half-closed eyes all the while trying to figure out what they were doing in his apartment in the first place.

“He’s stable now. Overdoses happen regularly when cocaine and other powerful stimulants are added to the equation. That’s what producers do nowadays to boost the effects”. Said a firm feminine voice. He could see the lady in white gesturing around to her colleagues and immediately realised what just happened. She was staring at him, probably trying to jauge how awake her patient was. 

“You were lucky Takano-san. This could have been much more serious.” 

He saw his friend sitting next to Ritsu, his usual severe expression ruptured by the deep crease in his eyebrows. 

“How did you find me?” asked the raven, his voice so weak he wasn’t sure the two others heard him. 

The brunette brought his face closer to his ear, petting his forehead as he replied in a shaky shy voice: “Yokozawa-san found you like this…” he heard a sneeze. “The front door was unlocked and your phone was ringing without you answering it. You… You stopped breathing.” 

He felt absolutely miserable. 

Trying to shift his position to have a better view of his comrades, he caught the look of utter disappointment and guilt from his older friend. He probably thought that he was long done with this dark hazardous period of his life. 

“I’m… I’m sorry... I didn’t want to…” 

His battle to stay awake was getting harder and harder. 

“It’s okay Masamune. Just rest for now.”

The nurse took a hold of his wrist and stuck the intravenous line with a patch. 

“We’re going to transfer you to the clinic as you need to take several tests. You’re safe now but your body needs to recover.” 

The hand that was playing with his hair resumed and he let his head fall back on his lap. This combined with the liquid in his body led him to a sleep without dreams.

___

When he woke up again, he found himself buried under the sheets of a hospital bed. It took him some time to become accustomed to the artificial lighting of the room. Gathering enough energy to finally keep his eyes open, he gazed at the clock at his right indicating 4:55AM.

The first thing he felt was an atrocious headache that hit him with a massive chest pain undertaking his whole body. He noticed the numerous wires connected to his skin accompanied with the steady regular bips of a machine.

He heard a light snore on his right. Shifting his head, he immediately saw the small fragile figure crawling up into a ball on the couch. A cheap blanket was covering him from toes to his neck. This sight made him feel so terribly selfish. As seconds went by he started getting back to a normal state of awareness despite a fizzy pang at the back of his skull. 

With as much strength as he could gather he sprawled a hand towards him and rested it on the others’ laps. He stroked his thigh lightly with the help of his thumb and stared at his seemingly exhausted resting face. He felt so worthless. He knew he had hurt him badly in the past already and the only thing he could think of is that this was too much.

“I’m so sorry Ritsu…”. 

After reuniting with his first love following the 10 years they had spent apart from one another he had started to believe in fate. Yet he had been too trustful, using it as a justification for every one of his impatient and inappropriate moves towards the younger one. Everything became painfully obvious. This whole thing they had was destructive and that was mainly his fault. It was time to finally respect the distance that Ritsu wanted and deserved. He could not go back to these college years pretending that nobody cared about him. 

Now Ritsu would need him. 

Still, they were nowhere near close from getting into a relationship. Too many mistakes had been made. It was crucial for both men to work on themselves first as jumping the steps one more time would only bring them unhappiness.

That day Takano swore he would stop pursuing Ritsu. He’s forever been broken and finally accepting to get help was a start towards a less twisted life.

“It’s okay Ritsu.” 

One day they would be okay. They would get the life they both secretly wanted. 

[laketaj24]

Toss a Coin II: Valley of Plenty

Author’s Note: It was supposed to be a one shot and of course, as usual I couldn’t make it a one shot. I hope you enjoy! My taglist is open! Requests open! I got this idea from a request so send them!If I missed you on the taglist add your name HERE please!! If your name appears Twice could you go in the taglist and take it off! lol Hope you enjoy! (The taglist is almost longer than my fic, I’m flattered)

Warnings: Smut

Pairings: Geralt x Reader

Requested: Hey! Can you please write Geralt falling in love with a reader who already has a kid? Thank ya! - ANON`       

Masterlist (Has Previous Part)

“Who are you?” The small voice said from the side of the bed.

Geralt could only see eyes, the green eyes of the small brown-haired boy staring at Geralt. Geralt’s legs tangled in yours, but luckily the blanket covered everything. His head hummed with the onslaught of a headache, and he was tired. You had quite the appetite. “Fu-.” He hesitated before completing his thought.

“Are you a witcher!” His voice was curious. “Mom. Is he a witcher?”

Mom. He looked over to you, your arms draped across his chest, and the soft snores were a clear indication you were sound asleep. Geralt sighed and looked at the girl. “Who are you?”

“I’m Talstyn.” He beamed. “My mom said today I could pick the eggs today. Will you come?”

Geralt tried to process it, but the kid was adorable. “Talstyn.” He smirked. “You should ask your mother.”

“I am asking you.”

“Hmmm.” He laughed. “I will if you ask her.”

“Do you kill monsters?”

“When I need to.” Geralt's eyes were soft. “What do you do?”

“I help feed the chickens, and sometimes I get to help my Uncle Roth in Tameria with his doctor things.”

“You’re a doctor.”

“I guess.” He perched himself on the end of the bed and picked up the dark elixir from the table. “Is this your medicine?”

“It is.”

“Drink it.”

Geralt’s laugh makes your eyes flicker open. “Not right now, I don’t see any monsters.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You heard your son talking and Geralt looking down at him with more patience than he had the one day you’ve known him. You spring up from the bed, pulling the blanket to cover your breast. “Talstyn. What did I tell you about sneaking into places?”

“The door was open.” He protested, standing from the floor. “Geralt is my friend.”

“Talstyn.”

“Can he go with us to the chicken coop?” He asked in a rush blaze of words. “Please! Please!”

You chuckled, “Certainly, only if Geralt wants to join us. Go back into the tavern, and I will come to get you.” He happily jumped three feet off the ground, and his hair whipped back, revealing the little pointed ears. Then he was gone. You cleared your throat. “I am sorry about that. Talstyn usually does as he is told.”

Geralt says nothing at first, but his eyes are soft as you climb from the bed and slip into your dress. “You have a child?”

“Talstyn.” You smiled as his name floated from your lips. “He’s seven, a little rowdy at times, but he’s my heart. You were not supposed to meet him,” You paused. “So, you should consider yourself lucky.”

“I do,  the four minutes, I have met him I can tell that he's a great kid.” He sighed. “He’s half-elf?”

You swallowed. “That’s between us, and yes.” You two dress in silence, but you can feel the eyes of Geralt wandering over your body as you do so.  He tossed you the small brown bag of orens, and you smile. “Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome.:

You winked at him and pecked his cheek. “It was a good time.”

“Is this goodbye? I seem to recall an invitation to a chicken coop?”

“You want to join us?”

“I would like to if that’s okay?”

“Great, I’d like that.”

  What was happening? One night you were being fucked by a renowned witcher, HE EVEN PAID!!!! And you were taking him to fetch eggs with your kid. Talstyn was ecstatic; he clung to Geralt as if he’d known him his entire life, and in a way he might have, the tune about him was catchy. He sang it often. Geralt did not protest his clinginess; he walked beside Roach with Talstyn on his leg as if he weighed nothing. It broke your back sometimes just to allow him on your hip, and yes, he was too large for it, but he was your baby.

“What’s his name?” Talstyn asked.

“Roach.”

“I don’t like that name.”

“It’s okay; he’s not your horse.” Geralt teased.

“I would’ve named him Beleg.”

The thud of your heart flooded you, Beleg the Wise, his father was his favorite name for everything. He got a dog and named him Beleg, a cat, a chicken, the neighbor's cow, all Beleg. It was soothing to know that he loved his father, but every time you heard the name, your heart sunk for a moment, and you remembered him. It was always a good thing, the blue of his irises or the bolstering laugh — the good stuff.

The chickens were already out, pecking at the grains and furling their wings. The small village did not seem like much to your some, but for you, it had an air of reclusiveness, and given the state of things with Queen Calanthe and her elven raids, the caution was needed. You didn’t want him in any danger, and you for sure didn’t want an inkling of danger near Talstyn. You all reached the coop in minutes, and immediately Talstyn sprinted to he coop.

It was the first time you were alone the entire walk. “Why'd you want to come out here?”

“Well,”  he paused. “I am here for a few days. I figured it would be nice to have someone to talk to for once.”

“You’re usually alone?”

“Sometimes.” He brushed his hand down Roach’s coat. “I have Roach.”

“I’m sure he’s a great company.”

“You failed to mention him last night.”

“Oh, I apologize. I should’ve started it like this; I have a kid, wanna fuck?”

“Not what I meant.” He chuckled. “We talked last night; I figured he  might come up then.”

“No, I just keep him away from everything else, where he belongs.”

“Why chose…” He paused. “Chose this line of work?”

“Because I have no husband, and I own no land…. I have to provide and this allows me to be a mother and work while he sleeps.” Your face teamed with heat. No one ever cared how you had come to be a wench, just which room and how much. This was new. And the look on his chiseled face was genuine interest. “Though you think it’s a valley of plenty… I can assure you it is not for me.”

“I understand, finding work can be…” He paused. “Hard.”

You laughed at the unintended joke, and his pale face flushed red, “Good analogy there, witcher.”

“It was not what I meant.” His stone face was apologetic as he walked to the coop with Talstyn. He had six eggs in his basket and a grin. “What do you have there?”

“Breakfast!”

  You cooked for him, and breakfast turned into supper quicker than you expected. Talstyn was down, worn out from the day’s festivities, and for the moment, you were too. You cleared the plates from your table and poured him another glass of ale. “When are you leaving for your next adventure?” You sat across from him and gulp down on your ale.

“Kicking me out?” He cocked a brow.

“No.” You nearly choked laughing.

“Tomorrow morning.” He answered.

The room was quiet, but the tension was there. You’d been eyeing Geralt all-day, pangs of the pleasure from last night would hit you. Every time he growled or laughed, a part of you begged to hear him make other sounds. “So… it appears that we are near our farewells.”

“Pity…” Geralt moved from the table with his hand outstretched. “We should do it properly then.”

And there was no contest of his offer. You placed your hand in his, and he tugged you to his chest. The first kiss was euphoric, a burst of butterflies pushed through your body, and you were happy he’d stayed, glad that last night was not the first and last time you’d fucked the witcher. He cradled your face and stared at you once more.

“I know how to do that.” You pushed him against the wall, well he helped, there was no real way you could genuinely push the bulked man. You dropped to your knees, remembering how he seemed to like making you mewl. It was your turn now. He does not stop you from unzipping his pants a freeing his cock. Your eyes lit watching the thick veined cock; you gripped him feeling the large girth and the warmth in your hand.

“Are you scared of it?” He snickered.

But the snickered left once your mouth enveloped the crown of his cock, and your tongue swiped the salty precum that dripped out. There was a guttural moan that poured from him before you engulfed him all. His hands went flush against the wall as you started to move. You sucked, taking him to the back of your throat until he flinched and then stroked him. He tasted sweet and salty, a mixture you enjoyed.

His hands webbed your hair, guiding his cock further into your throat until you nearly gagged and then back out again. The pace was steady, deep strokes of winding hips, and you felt yourself growing wet from him. “Y/N.” He murmured.

You don’t answer, only pull him from your mouth with a popping sound and look up to him with lust-filled eyes.

“Fuck.” He groaned. What a sight? You wished you could see it yourself, you on your knees in front of the Witcher, basically begging to be fucked. It was a demand nearly the way your eyes pleaded to be fucked. Geralt lifted you from the ground and placed his lips on yours. “How do you want me?”

Your smile was wide as you slip from your dress and bend over, placing your hands on the bed. “Why are you over there?” You whispered.

“Just admiring, this plentiful valley.”

You burst into laughter. “That was corny, witcher.”

“Maybe.” The grin covered his face, and he took his shirt off and made his way over to you, and his hand slapped down on your ass, the hum of the sting makes your pussy clench. “Is this what you want?” He whispered as he dips a single finger into you.

You braced yourself for his intrusion, you would think after three rounds you’d be used to the feeling of being full of him, but you weren’t. He eased into you pushing your body forward, and you inhaled sharply, mouth open and eyes closed. He picked you up and started to fuck you. “Oh hell,” You rasped.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day.” He murmured. His hips bounce from your ass with each stroke, and for some reason, he felt deeper every time he did. His hand wrapped around your waist and placed two fingers on your clit, causing you to fall on the bed with your ass arched and ready for him. He began to thrust quicker, barely controlling his chaotic state. “How you sound when I’m inside you…”

The words made you pussy clench, and then he stroked your clit again and pushed your legs farther apart. “Shit… Geralt.”

“Yes,” his deep voice rumbled against your back, and he slammed into you again. “Say my name again.” He commanded. The fresh air blew over your back as he stood and gripped your hips and pulled them to him. Your body jerked, the beginning of a feeling you’d grown to love. “Say.” He thrust into you, emphasizing the word. “It.”

“Geralt.”  You gripped the sheets, your head was light, and you were short of breath. He continued to fuck into you madly. “Oh fuck, Geralt.”

The snap of his thurst filled the room, followed by the moving of the bed a foot and Geralt falling into you and going deeper.  So, fucking deep. You winded your hips coaxing him to fuck you slowly. You were shuddering.

“I could do this every day.” He whispered. Geralt rolled over staying inside of you and allowing your legs to drape over his, he laid back on the pillow, rubbing the swollen bud over and over. Then he starts again, a riveting pace. “Every morning, every fucking night.” He added. The words caused your heart to swell and perhaps triggered the flood of pleasure that coursed through your body.

 You weren’t going to sleep with him tonight. You needed to get home and back to Talstyn. You wait until he’s asleep and dress quietly. The day was fantastic, the first time you felt safe going places with Talstn, the first time you’d seen your son smile over someone that wasn’t his dead father. But reality had set in; everything was perfect. But that was not your life, and you had to go. You took the leather bag of orens from your belt and put it in his sack. Whatever this was, you refused to let it go further. In a few months, you’d have to move, start over, and it would be easier to not be with him.

  The Witcher Taglist: @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme | @car-karaoke | @blackmissfrizzle | @red-rose21 | @grungyblonde | @therealcalicali | @texas-mutifandom | @sapphirescrolls | @crushed-pink-petals | @cltex84 | @rosey1981 | @taytayize123 | @inforapound | @soapjay | @wasntpriscilla |  @sdcyumyum | @onceuponathreetwoone | @oddlylonelyflights | @isthat-tyra98 | @courttttney | @babygurlniah43 | @rhys108 | @sincerelysinister | @sparklemichele @edythofhastings | @twistedcharismaaa | @escapingrealitytogotoneverland | @xmaudjexo | @allonesharingonebreath | @billywig-on-baker-street | @savismith | @blablatiti | @willow-days02 | @angelmusic123 | @tephi101 | @harleycativy | @the-actual-audrey | @ladywolf44005 | @gen-zeppelin | @readsalot73 | @supernaturalvikingwhore | @knittingmad | @wickedrum | @l-auteuse | @kelly-fasel | @siliethkaijuy | @oddlylonelyflights | @onceuponathreetwoone | @marvel-mystery | @childishhoe | @unnamedmaincharacter | @lyricxavierlove  | @getlostinyourparadise | @hidedemon | @summir-loving | @toenailcliipings | @yeet-me-out-tonight | @titty-teetee | @xxapollinaxx | @marvels-gurl | @onmykneesforloki | @cutiebubbleboo | @bugalouie | @babypink224221 | @uwumd | @bcimbatmandude | @igetcarriedawaywithyou | @drdorkus | @itsevalace | @drunkonbuckybarnes | @deviantloving-detective | @backontheolebullshit | @tranquility-or-chaos | @leapingoveroblivion | @maximoffzinha | @speedypastahairdocalzone | @lexxxistrips | @african-ebony-goddess | @m-a-k-e-d-a |  @firebirdsalvatore | @stinkyplease | @ginger-diaries | @youngestxhearts | @goldenhourchild | @tumblingurl | @kakashi-koi   | @blowmymbackout @therandomthoughtsofmsparker | @shellybeans | @lovepandasloves | @lizliz3107 | @itshaleighyo7 | @kathhdd | @canyoufeelthemagicintheair | @epic-fangirl-trash | @thenoblenomad | @atlanticowe | @vverecat | @jennifercjune | @clumsycaitx | @red-rose21 @spicylangdon | @v-v-x-x | @axa-vega | @missshadowpup | @brownsugerhippy | @peculiar-monstar | @fallslikefeather | @queenbetter | @this-is-whump-dammit | @lost-in-my-thoughs | @purpleisabela | @notyouraveragemochii | @ofstarsandfantasies | @uknowforget | @astrid345 | @lheart1 | @bukoandcoconutsarelife | @ladybeediva | @silvertongueserpent | @multi-fandomwriter97 | @lady-clegane-giantsbane | @fcgrizi | @bitchwhytho | @cha-lyn | @brexfrix | @lunaticgurly |  @sprinklesandsugarcubes | @missdforever | @bubble-t-r-o-u-b-l-e | @srsllydunnodoncare | @the-blue-tiefling | @drippingtragedygalaxy | @tshuuls | @superapplepie | @ellaheart  | @greektragedyc | @amelia2509 | @lovemindbodystuff | @tshuuls | @ryuzakiackerman1 | @lazilyscentedwerewolf | @ejc | @zlixlle @p3nny4urth0ught5 | @queen-sands | @stinkyplease | @ginger-diaries | @youngestxhearts​ | @goldenhourchild | @nightowls | @queenmissfit | @schelianhp | @we-were-so-close-to-something | @majicbamana​ | @you-are-my-sunshine-90 | @fiftyshadesofrebel | @oleander-in-the-wind | @yenneferv2020 | @alwayshavefaith-love | @belalugosisdead |  @laphirablack | @rndm-onsession | @szhead31 | @thedarkn1ghtxx | @omgkatinka |  @funmadnessandbadassvikings |  @just-call-me-no-name @rebelfleur22 | @thegirlsadventuresinwonderland | @just-a-normal-fangirl18​

[snickiebear]

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok 

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

[1dcraftawards]

November Author of the Month...

Drumroll please.... our November Author of the Month is none other than the incredibly talented...

@all-things-fic ! 

Congratulations to a wonderful author, Liz! You can check out our interview with her below!

1.Did you start writing fanfiction for One Direction, or was there another fandom that you wrote fanfiction for before this?

I have one fic that I wrote for One Direction Fanfic Archive, that will never see the light of day. It was really awful, but everyone starts somewhere. I’ve shared it with two people on Tumblr and we just laughed about it.

I’ve also written a Niall Horan fic which has been flagged for how explicit it is, which is quite laughable as it’s tame in comparison to the Harry stuff (eek!)

2. How old were you when you started writing fanfiction?

I was a teenager when I first started writing fics. I don’t know if I would consider it “proper” fanfic though as it was riddled with cliches.

3. What’s been your favorite fic that you’ve written to work on so far?

For the longest time I was proud of the second part of Divorce Harry and specifically the second part. It just felt real to write. I can’t even explain what it is about that piece.

I think at the time it stemmed from an ask I received where I was asked if I was a parent - I’m not - but this someone said I portrayed aspects of a marriage and how children can tip the balance really well.

The sheer bitterness of two people in love and the juxtaposed feeling it brings was an interesting dynamic. Being bitter and in love? How? It happens. You love someone, but bloody hell don’t you hate at the same time.

And I think on the hand Quarantine Harry is the opposite side of the same coin. I love it because it’s so happy. When you’re smitten and basking. Your baby waking you up at 3am and meeting your husband on the landing with the freshly made bottle is a time to enjoy because you’re doing it together.

But soon enough the third child is sprawled out in your kingsize bed and their foot is pressed against your ribs and you're tired. This isn’t me saying the two stories are linked (I do get those theories quite a lot haha)

4. Do you prefer AU or OU?

Definitely more of an OU gal. I’m massively into writing things “realistically” because I think it’s so relatable and helps draw readers in more so. Especially if the writing uses and references visuals that readers are aware of.

5. What’s your favorite trope to write?

Would we call a long-term relationship / established relationship a trope? If so then this is my favourite. Writing characters who know how to push each other’s buttons, knowing what they can and can’t say to get the other going. Being able to write two people who can share as little as a glance and know what the other is feeling.

Sprinkle a bit of angst on the top for good measure.

That’s my kryptonite.

6. What’s your ideal space to write in?

I tend to write when I’m in bed quite a bit, usually really late at night and on my phone rather than my laptop. Often lying in the dark. Sometimes first thing in a morning.

7. How do you get motivation to write?

This one made me laugh considering I’m unable to finish a single piece of writing at the minute.

Pictures are quite inspiring. New images of Harry can usually start something in me. The images of him in the whacky joggers for example from set have inspired a scene in Quarantine Harry (who knows for which part just yet!).

8. Do you typically like to listen to music when you write? If so, what do you listen to?

Very rarely listen to anything when I write, I tend to like silence really. Sometimes this is so I can dictate into my phone.

9. Your dialogue is some of the best I’ve ever read on tumblr, how do you plan conversations in your fics?

Thank you for the compliment, it’s really nice to read that you think so highly of my dialogue. I don’t really plan them - conversations or my fics. I’m quite visual in how I write, so anything that you’ve read I’ve most likely had it play out in my mind and typed it as it’s moved. For dialogue I tend to speak out loud as I’m typing to try and get the pacing right for the conversation.

No, I don’t try to do a Manc accent… Just in case anyone is wondering haha!

10. What is your writing process like?

I write what I see and then hope it fits. Honestly it’s pretty chaotic. The only time I tend to plan is when I’ve got a lot of different scenes written and I need to know if they’re suitable for an update or what order to place them.

Then I read through them and think about the characters and how they would be a certain time and move the documents into another document. Then I close all the tabs and cry cause my motivation is nonexistent.

11. What’s been your favorite scene to write from Quarantine Harry?

One that hasn’t been shared haha! I’m joking (maybe).

From part one my favourite bit has to be the part where she makes up with him by taking him a cuppa and he gets a dig in about how she hasn’t brought any biscuits with her. Also the bit where he says “come an’ love me” meaning he wants to cuddle. I’m quite conscious I don’t really ever write soppy fics, so when I’m writing “fluffy” aspects they’re more so everyday affections. Like, you know someone is properly in love with you when they’re doing the washing up cause you’re busy, or they’re taking out the bins on bin day. That kinda thing.

From part two absolutely the entirety of the morning where she takes the pregnancy test. That was the part I had as clear as day and I worked backwards to the opening scene. I really loved the idea of Harry knowing his partner is pregnant before said partner knows. Him knowing his lovers body like the back of his hand so much so that he’s able to pick up on the smallest of things.  I knew I had to write it.

And how he casually suggested she took the test, by pressing a kiss into her back. His face finding that test and then being an insufferable sod and pleased with himself cause he’s in the know about the outcome before the MC.

12. Is there a schedule you follow in terms of when you write? Or are you more impulsive and just write where and when you can?

So impulsive it’s actually embarrassing. I cringe at myself. I know I’ve mentioned this loads but I really write what I see. So if I’m not seeing anything, I’m not writing. It’s quite frustrating.

13. What is one thing you wish you would’ve known before you started writing?

To not talk about your writing before you’ve finished it. I feel like I massively let people down when I post sneak peeks and then I can’t deliver because life gets on top of me!

14. What do you prefer writing, multi-chaptered fics or one shots?

One shots and then if they develop into something more that can be exciting!

15. What's your secret to portraying such a complex and interesting relationship between your main characters??

Personal trauma…… *tumbleweed at another one of my poorly thought out jokes*

I’m a bit stumped on how to answer this one. I think being well read(ish) helps you create complex characters and relationships, not saying that I am but I’ve read a fair few books. Life in general helps too, sometimes personal relationships. Just growing up. My fic when I was younger was nowhere near the type of things I’m writing now but I’ve got a couple (okay, more than a couple!) of years on myself since then.

I think just apply your own lived experiences and call upon emotions you may have felt through certain times that you’re writing should you have experience it.

Partly I also think so many of us are a little bit nosy. Sometimes we all kinda want to be the fly on the wall in the home of couples to see if everything is a rosy as it seems or as intimate. Or whether it is just raw passion with a couple of arguments thrown in for good measure.

16. What Harry era/mood/look/vibe/song/etc. do you get most inspired by?

What’s weird is my favourite era of Harry is 2014, but I wouldn’t want to write him like that. The current Harry is quite marvellous. I’ve never known anyone like him, he really is fine wine (the real album title…. ‘we’ll be a fine wine’)

If you’re asking what mood I like to see him in, it’s either when he's pensive and looks a touch pissed off with a crease to his brow or when you watch his joke his eyes before he’s even said it and he’s amused/pleased with himself.

His current look, mainly late 2019/2020 is quite something (hence the quarantine fics)

I tend not to get inspired by his songs but my two faves if I had to pick would be Woman and TBSL. I think they’re massive Scorpio energy and would make great premises for a one shot sometime!

I’m not sure if I even answered this how you wanted it answer but hopefully it was something haha!

17. Who or what inspired you to start writing?

I’ve always loved writing, I think it’s because I do a lot of it with my line of work. The person that gave me the push on this site was actually an account called @meetyourmouths. The lovely Iz is no longer on tumblr but she wrote a Harry piece that just made me think ‘fuck it’ and I posted Practicing. If you go to that piece the authors note makes mention to Iz.

I would also say @stylishmuser was one of the first people to reach out to me and be encouraging which has always stuck with me. Massive love for, P and still talk to her all these years on.

I’m now sat here thinking about listing all the lovely lovely people who have been so nice to me both in regards to writing and outside of it and I’m conscious I’m not mentioning them. The troubles of being a bit of a people pleaser. Hopefully those people know I love ‘em… You know?

18. Some readers are wary of leaving feedback because they're unsure how the writer will take it, how do you personally like to receive feedback? Do you want to be critiqued, or would you like to just know if they did or didn't enjoy what they've read?

First thing I’d say is please don’t ever think as readers you can’t be negative. Sure there is a way to present the feedback to the author cause writing can be quite personal, but everyone has room for growth.

Just come chat to me. Can be about anything and everything. A simple ‘loved the update’ to ‘this bit was rubbish’. I’m open to all feedback.

One thing to remember is there are a lot of writers out there so there is something for everybody. If a fic isn’t for you there are tons out there waiting for you to go and grab ‘em!

19. Is writing a hobby or do you have aspirations of writing professionally outside of fanfiction?

I used to think it was mainly more so a hobby, and I do still lean towards this. However, now I’m not so sure. My problem is I tend to have long spells of not being able to find balance in my ‘real life’ job and the extra-curricular stuff.

I’m dragging myself here but I don’t think my fics have much plot to them. I’m more so about writing the everyday life and I don’t think there is a market for that really (unless you have something explosive happen somewhere).

20. And finally, What's your purpose for writing? What do you hope to accomplish?

For a while I wanted to write Harry being insufferably British. I found it quite hard to find writings that I thought wrote him using Britsh-isms (is this even a thing?) and types of phrases that are common over this side of the pond. I wanted to put that out there for someone who may have once felt like me.

Mostly,  I just want to put pieces out that take people elsewhere, even if only for a couple of minutes. A lot of the world is a bleak place, if you find my little corner on tumblr and it makes you smile, that’s achieved something, hasn't it?

[dhrdrabbles]

Part III

(Part I and II)

The third time Draco took note of how small Hermione Granger was, his aunt tortured her in his home.

Not identifying her and her two friends in front of his family had not been enough, of course. Draco had stalled with a small hope that the decision to call the Dark Lord was adjourned. But Bellatrix’s hunger to hurt had radiated from her when she had seen Granger.

His aunt’s mere presence was usually enough to unnerve Draco, but the thought of the imminent arrival of the Dark Lord, a murderous Bellatrix and Granger lying on his floor was enough for him to feel his insides twisting and squirming.

Draco looked at the floor as Granger screamed. Everything had gone blurry. She was lying just over there and Bellatrix laughed manically as she sent Crucio after Crucio at the small frame, who shook violently with every curse.

Every scream sent a shock wave through his body as he tried, and failed, to use Occlumency, to temporarily forget that she was here, not just in the Manor, but in the parlour, on the floor, with his manic aunt standing over hear, screaming something about a sword. He wished they hadn’t triggered the taboo, hadn’t been caught, and by Greyback of all snatchers.

Draco desperately wished for himself to be a little more like the girl in front of him – or even her friends – brave enough to make lasting decisions, to offer himself instead of someone else.

But it appeared he was, after all, a coward who had felt a small sense of victory when he had acted unsure in front of his parents at the sight of Potter on their doorstep. A coward who didn’t even manage to run away when his classmate was tortured in front of him – who barely managed to stare at the marble tiles in front of him, focusing on little else but their pattern. A coward who wished for nothing else but to feel numbness at least. A coward who surely didn’t have the spine to stand up for the girl in front of him, shaking and screaming and still not budging.

Instead of the soothing numbness Occlumency provided for him, he was feeling as if he watched the scene from above, an out-of-body experience.

Oddly, he was even more fascinated with Granger in this moment, than he had ever been. Draco was disgusted with himself as her winding reminded him of the one time he had held her close, in Umbridge’s office.

Everything had seemed so much more like child play then, although he had taken himself and the Inquisitorial Squad quite seriously at the time. Her hair had been so nice so close to him, and he had been ashamed to admit it even before himself. In his strange, out-of-body state, he briefly wondered if she still managed to keep the smell of parchment and citrus while on the run.

“We only met him tonight!” He heard her sobbing, pleading. Draco desperately focused to stare on the marble tiles, not into her face, which was still framed by a ridiculous amount of locks. “We’ve never been inside your vault … it isn’t the real sword! It’s a copy, just a copy!”

Bellatrix was shouting at her again, and then Father was addressing him.

He must’ve looked at the older version of himself with a blank expression, because Father snorted angrily, repeated himself and the next thing Draco realised was him walking down the stairs to the dungeons, with the faint memory of an order to fetch the goblin.

It was dark and Draco didn’t bother to light up the torches, instead, the cast a faint Lumos. The almost-darkness sharpened his other senses, which he cherished for a second after the previous numbness, before hearing another of Granger’s guttural screams. Down here, with no other sounds around him, it seemed even louder than it had in the parlour.

Draco stopped before the door, breathing heavily. Everything was spinning, but he mustn’t show weakness before the prisoners – before Potter. Briefly, he leaned against the door, before he spoke.

“Stand back. Line up against the back wall. Don’t try anything, or I’ll kill you!”

His voice was cracking, he didn’t believe himself for one instant. He hoped no one could hear the shaking in his voice.

Breathing in deeply one last time, he collected every last bit of confidence he could muster and pushed the door open much harder than necessary, striding as much as he could, and grabbing the goblin without looking at any of the other prisoners.

He had never imagined it like this.

Not turning his back on them, his wand raised, Draco retreated, pulling Griphook with him.

The second the door slammed shut, he started sprinting up the stairs with the goblin stumbling before him. He ignored the strange crack he heard from below.

Granger was not screaming anymore, and he wondered if things had gotten even worse.

The second he opened the door to the parlour, pushing Griphook through first, Granger started screaming even louder, and Draco couldn’t avert his eyes this time.

Bellatrix was bent over the girl, cackling constantly, chanting incoherent half-sentences about the Dark Lord. Her wand was in her left hand but seemed almost forgotten.

Frantically, Draco pushed the goblin towards his father as his eyes roamed Granger and his aunt. When he saw what Bellatrix was holding in her right, Draco’s stopped breathing.

Greedily grabbing the sobbing Granger, Bellatrix carved something in her left arm. After the initial scream, Granger had become eerily quiet, with irregular whimpers that shook her whole body. Bellatrix apparently to press her into the cold marble, the shudders seemed to erupt in Granger’s core, but they never reached her left side.

Draco faintly registered that Father was shouting something in his direction again, as he watched the madwoman he called his aunt carve cut after cut into Hermione Granger’s arm. He wanted nothing more than to look away, or even better, leave the room. Take her with him, even.

After what seemed like years, Bellatrix finally let go of Granger and turned towards the goblin. Draco still couldn’t tear his gaze away from Granger, now forgotten to the Death Eaters in the room; he barely registered his father pushing Griphook towards Bellatrix, the goblin shrinking with every step.

Hermione was still whimpering faintly, the blood from her arm and the crook of her neck pooling on the floor. Her face was tear-stained, but no new tears were running. She was staring into the ceiling.

For a second, Draco wondered if he would be able to convey his own pain and allyship to her if only she looked, but he quickly realised that there would be absolutely no way she would trust him and he was a fool for even thinking about it. He had just stood and watched her being tortured – empathy would be the same as outright mockery in this moment.

His chest had never felt tighter.

Then the only thing that could possibly distract him from Granger happened – his mark started to burn. He whirled towards Bellatrix who now pressed her spider-like fingers against her own mark, grinning manically again.

In panic, he realised that Bellatrix’s wide eyes roamed the room, landing on Granger once more.

“And I think we can dispose of the Mudblood,” she said, her grin rather lopsided. In these moments of absolute cruelty, Bellatrix’s former beauty sometimes shone through, Draco thought, his heartbeat at the absolute maximum. “Greyback, take her if you want her.”

No!

Again, Draco whirled in shock, looking for the werewolf he had almost forgotten until now. Greyback snarled greedily and approached Granger.

Draco’s hands frantically searched for his wand.

No, not her, not her!

And then everything went down in chaos as Potter and Weasley stormed into the parlour.

The next seconds were a mere blur to Draco; one second, he was collecting wands at Bellatrix’s order, the next he was tackled by Potter who stupefied Greyback.

Draco’s thoughts swirled and swirled while it happened, his gaze still mostly on Granger, his thoughts on how, for a second, he thought he could save her, but in the end, he was only a lackey of his relatives and a madman with a giant snake.

Draco felt lost.

And in the moment the three Gryffindors disappeared with the Malfoys’ old house elf, Draco realised that Hermione Granger, the small girl who survived the torture of one of the cruellest witches alive, who most probably lied to the mad witch in the process, was truly glorious.

She was larger than life.

AN: Thank you for reading! I have never attempted actual angst before. This is exciting. It also took much longer to write than I anticipated, but it’s also much longer than the first two parts (and probably longer than the two to follow).

Thank you for reading!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 267: My Name Is

Previously on BnHA: Hawks stabbed Twice in the back of the head. Twice stabbed another guy in the back of the head. Everyone’s just running around stabbing or being stabbed. I should probably clarify that Twice actually died, because this is a shounen manga, so sometimes you have to clarify that this particular stabbing was actually fatal. Not just one of those flesh wound stabbings. Anyway so it was super sad, and now Dabi’s gonna face off with the sexy scarred murderous Hawks, and Toga and Compress are also going to be feeling a bit stabby after all this probably, and so that’s the general mood here I guess. I kind of need a break now so I’m wondering if we’re gonna cut to any of the kids. Because if we stick around Horikoshi may actually have to give us Dabi flashbacks. God forbid.

Today on BnHA: Tokoyami has a flashback to when Hawks told him he’s weak to being set on fire. This terrible thought weighs on his mind as he and the other lads and lasses of U.A.’s child soldier vanguard are escorted away from the battle via Fatgum and his absolute goat of a quirk. Dabi is all “:D you killed Twice, I’m gonna set you on fire repeatedly now” and Hawks is all “ffff no that’s my weakness also WHO ARE YOU” and WE GET SOME HAWKS FLASHBACKS?! and then Dabi is all “:DDDDDD [CENSORED]” and it’s literally fucking censored fuck my life. but also !!! because he actually fucking said it, though?? He really went and revealed it just like that?? And now Hawks knows, and he’s all shocked, and Dabi goes to kill him afterwards but TOKOYAMI IS ALL “ON YOUR LEFT!!!!” and OH SHIT. Also Endeavor saves Miruko so DOUBLE OH SHIT. Oh my god. I’m sorry this summary is all over the place but I can barely type a coherent sentence now so just TAKE THESE EXCLAMATION POINTS AND GO!!! SPREAD THE WORD. BE FREE.

everyone before we begin I would just like to tell you about my discovery this week. I learned that when I type the word “Dabi” on my phone the next word that the keyboard predicts is “flashbacks.” google keyboard is on to me. so now the FBI and the CIA and whoever else google is selling all my data to all know. I can only imagine. “she seems to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about ‘Dabi flashbacks.’ what’s a Dabi.” I’ll tell you what a Dabi is. it’s a guy whose fucking flashbacks we never fucking get that’s what

anyway so let’s read this chapter whose spoiler tags have already been filling up my dashboard, which is always a good sign. who will die this week? Horikoshi please have mercy on us in light of recent real life global events. maybe you can just have everyone abruptly decide that they are all done fighting and want to go home

-- GOD BLESS US EVERYONE

who could have known, years ago when the very first mangaka was drawing the very first color page, that this medium would one day soar to such great heights. who could have imagined that we would one day be witness to this masterwork, this magnificent fucking triumph of a colored manga page. holy shit. I will cherish this always

for real you all think I’m joking but I genuinely don’t want to scroll down lol. let’s just stay with Miruko forever. where it is safe. and sexy. goddammit

OH SURE, THEY GIVE US HAWKS FLASHBACKS

anyways but lol

guys. we’ve been over this. fire is everyone’s weakness. just. I’m not quite sure people like Hawks and Kamui Woods actually grasp that. do they think normal people catch on fire and they’re just “oh, this is actually all right.” also, side note kids, please don’t use this answer if this ever comes up during a job interview

wow

what a gamechanging plan of action. don’t catch on fire. Toko write that down

WOW

you guys. YOU GUYS. IT GOT BETTER

who could have known, years ago when the very first mangaka was drawing the very first gag panel, that this format would one day ascend to such lofty summits. who could have envisaged that we would one day behold such a showpiece, such a grand fucking slam of a joke panel in a shounen manga

anyway Horikoshi sure does love his English portmanteaus. I’m kind of stunned by how great this is you guys. but getting back to more serious observations, all I can say is thank fucking god somebody is actually thinking of the children! nothing terrible had better happen to them or I swear!!

so Fatgum is explaining that the plan was to have them use their respective quirks to help take out a bunch of bad guys at once, and that the grown-ups will now proceed to rope them all in and capture them. and dammit, I was trying to avoid having to post the panel because it takes forever if I post a lot of them, but I just noticed Mt. Lady over there stomping fools in the background and so now I have no choice

A+ chapter so far you guys. 5 stars. keep it up

one-and-a-half year-old Kaminari Denki has already fallen asleep. he wishes he could live there. I wish I had the words to adequately convey how utterly delighted I have been by this entire “everyone rides around in Fatgum’s belly” mini-arc, which is now my favorite part of the entire series (as always with the exception of “Dear Midoriya I’m really sorry”)

and I also just really love the timing of it?? right after the “here’s that angst you ordered” emotional sobfest of the last chapter, we’re taking a quick break to cut back to the Fatgum Express (excuse me, Fataxi) just to keep things from getting too heavy. this is such an important balance to strike. please don’t let this arc get too dark, Horikoshi

oh shit

right, Dabi?? but I’ve had an entire week to process my feelings about it and I’m more or less good now! how are you

not particularly great, then

and also, fuck. so Horikoshi was gracious enough not to show Twice’s murdered body even though he confirmed he was indeed killed (so apologies to anyone who was still holding out hope. it sucks but at least we’ve got closure). first he cuts off the bottom of the panel, and then he has Dabi literally cremate him on the fucking spot. there’s really going to be nothing left at all of him or any of the clones. I’m just gonna sit here and try not to think about that or else I’ll get sad all over again

anyway, so also Hawks’s wings have been totally incinerated now it looks like, and he’s just barely yeeting himself out of the way with whatever he’s got left

boy this is getting rough

love how Horikoshi is avoiding showing Dabi’s face!! that was sarcasm by the way because I don’t love it! he pulls this shit all the time with Bakugou too! show us their emotions dammit!

anyway. how kind of Dabi to stomp out Hawks’s flames for him like that. you see. they’re still friends

HOLY SHIT

APPARENTLY IT IS??? I GUESS WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY LMAO. SOME PEOPLE GET SAD AND CRY AND OTHERS JUST GET REALLY SCARY AND CRAZY

like. not to nitpick or anything, but your tear glands are actually located above your eyes. maybe he means his tear ducts. also I’m not a doctor or anything and I can barely name like three bones actually so maybe I should just shut up!

anyways though, out of courtesy let’s just take Dabi at his word that grinning like a deranged lunatic is a perfectly normal response to watching your friend get murdered by your sexy archenemy. who is to say

and what exactly is your dream again? to make Stain’s will a reality or something like that? so purging the world of false heroes I guess?

DAMMIT DABI FIRE IS HIS WEAKNESS

most people would at least scream, wouldn’t they? Hawks??? does that not hurt??!

DSFKJSL:DKGHLSDKGHL

no!! I won’t be fooled!! Horikoshi and Dabi flashbacks is like Wile E. Coyote and painting a fake tunnel onto a cliffside! don’t be conned by his deceitful forced perspective!

LOL YOU SEE

apparently this man really will do anything to keep us from getting a Dabi flashback, even if that means giving us Hawks flashbacks instead lmao. WELL SHOOT. OH DARN. POOR US. WE’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE try not to look too happy guys he can sense satisfaction

anyway so here’s baby Hawks

okay, so -- does fandom still hate Hawks. like, I haven’t checked the bnha tag much since this weekend so I don’t know if the general consensus is still “yeah he’s cancelled” or if we’re cooling down at all yet? anyway so I apologize if liking Hawks is still A Wrong Thing To Do, but just fyi he’s still adopted and I haven’t unadopted him and I love him unconditionally even though he’s in timeout. and so now that Baby Hawks has appeared to rival all other Baby Characters (BABY YODA WATCH YOUR SIX!!) with his lil wings and his Endeavor plush and his quiet lil nodding head, I just need you all to know that I would die for him without hesitation and that’s just how it is friends

(ETA: also, jesus christ. “Keigo-kun, you can say goodbye to your name from now on!" I’m surprised they didn’t assign him a fucking number. what the fuck. time for some grueling training, lab rat #184. better get ready. jesus. he’s like 7.)

sdlkfjLSDGHOSIDFOIOOIIO

THE MAN THAT -- WHAT. WELL HOT DAMN, TAKAMI THEORISTS! GO ON AND GIVE YOURSELVES A BIG PAT ON THE BACK. YOU EARNED IT.

snap. gotta calm down. too much hype all of a sudden. easy does it

OH ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT’S IT??

noooo go back. fuck

and how the hell do you still have eyebrows, Hawks. how are you still even alive, let alone sexy. is fire your weakness?? is it really??! WELCOME TO BNHA THE MANGA WHERE ANYONE CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING. EXCEPT FOR BEING KILLED OFF-SCREEN AFTER WEEKS AND WEEKS OF BUILDUP

WHAT THE MONUMENTAL FUCK

HORIKOSHI WHERE ARE YOU I’M READY AND WILLING TO VIOLATE SOCIAL DISTANCING RIGHT NOW TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE SO COME ON

what the fuck. is this a Tarantino movie. or an Eminem song. anyway but we all know what he actually said though so let’s just scroll down and see how Hawks is going to take the news

oh my. I suddenly understand Dabi’s “grinning like a lunatic” reaction to witnessing a tragedy now. ohhhhhh that’s the good angst right there

so now Dabi says that if he wasn’t Hawks’s target in the beginning, then Hawks “would’ve been done for from the start”? ...what. lol what. am I just too tired to understand this you guys. I’m so confused

okay well I still have no fucking clue what that all meant but on the next panel he’s saying that Hawks shouldn’t have been focusing on Tomura or the League

is he suggesting that he has the power to bring down the hero system by revealing that he, the son of Endeavor, was made into a villain? am I reading into this right?

holy moses. I can’t believe this is really happening. this plotline is finally on the move oh my god I can’t even I’m getting way too excited I can’t??

HEY WHAT

well it matters to me you big melodramatic jerk!! don’t even pretend like you’re really gonna do it. I have zero fear of Hawks actually dying right now, not after that. there is way too much plot attached to him, gtfo with this fakeout shit

but more importantly, why the fuck are we cutting to Gigantomachia now oh shit. don’t tell me Fatgum got the babies out of there just in time

FUCK ME I NEARLY SCREAMED OUT LOUD

HE CAN BE ACTIVATED BY THE RECORDING OF AFO!! SOMEONE HAS THE FUCKING ON SWITCH IN THEIR HANDS OH SHIT, THERE’S THE DISASTER WE WERE ALL FUCKING WAITING FOR RIGHT THERE

WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO MIRUKO NOW??? CAN THIS CHAPTER GET ANY MORE HYPE MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS

let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the [deep breath] FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO --

OH NO!?

okay like any reasonable person I am very concerned by the implications of this. and yet a part of me just wants to focus entirely on the “AM I GETTING TIRED AFTER LOSING AN ARM AND A SHITLOAD OF BLOOD AND FIGHTING FIVE NOUMUS ALL BY MYSELF FOR LIKE AN HOUR? ...NAH.” you’re absolutely right Miruko that would be ridiculous

ARE YOU SERIOUS

either she’s about to die and she knows it, or SHE WAS JUST TOYING WITH THEM WHAAAAT. I genuinely don’t even know which it is?? but it better not be the former and it absolutely is the latter though

GOSH DARN THAT MIRUKO

THERE SHE GOES. MY CZARINA

excuse me did this guy just fucking impale her

SHE ONLY HAS THE ONE GOOD HAND LEFT LIKE CAN YOU PLEASE. can you fucking not, though?! and also I forgot that being impaled through the torso is another thing in this series that’s actually fatal. well fuck

(ETA: also he ripped out her hair!! look here you piece of shit I’m gonna --)

lmao but yeah, somehow

Horikoshi. if you kill off your one cool strong top ten female hero character. just so you know. I will. ...you know what, just don’t do it, how about that. just don’t

ohhhhhh I might be about to get really mad you guys. we’ll see. we’lllllll see

SON OF A BITCH

GODDAMMIT, OBVIOUSLY TOMURA CAN’T FUCKING DIE SO WHY DON’T YOU FUCK OFF WITH THIS ENTIRE SCENARIO YOU’RE PRESENTING TO US RIGHT NOW HORIKOSHI, HOW ABOUT THAT. fuck everything I can’t believe chapter 267 page 16 was the last page of the entire manga you guys. tell me I’m reading way too much into this

ffffff

you literally had the perfect chapter. Fataxi!! Baby Hawks!! censored Touya reveals!! why would you go and. ...

I knew it was a mistake reading past that amazing color page you guys

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD I DIDN’T SCREAM BUT I SAID “HA HA!” OUT LOUD?!

-- AND AGAIN!!!!!

YOU WANT SOME??? YOU WANT SOME?!?!

FUCK YES. EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRACK OPEN THE WINDOW AND SHOUT SOME EARNEST “WOOOOOOO!!”S DOWN UNTO THE CONFUSED STREETS BELOW

y’all. I was this close to cancelling every damn thing. you don’t even know. my god I think I was grinding my teeth there

“you know what this manga has had quite enough of as of last week? tragic deaths! you know what it has not had nearly enough of? dramatic last minute saves! you know what it hasn’t had any of? TOKOYAMI VERSUS DABI, A.K.A. YOUR NEW FAVORITE MATCH-UP OF ALL TIME, YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME.” geez. calm down Horikoshi. be cool man be cool

you guys. it was almost perfect, and then it wasn’t, and then it very much was. my god. how did I not see that Tokoyami save coming with all that buildup in hindsight. clearly he saw the fire on page four and was all “oh no! his weakness”

only thing is. it’s yours too, bud. :/ don’t think I’ve forgotten how this all played out during the forest arc. and meanwhile on top of that we’ve got Gigantomachia about to have the rudest of awakenings. goddammit. why is everything so dangerous and so awesome thanks I love it but geez

[sophieebdaily]

Sophie shared part of her biography, Spinning Plates, on Daily Mail. Read Sophie’s words:

As a teenager, I thought I’d be famous. Cringey to write, but true. I’d even practised my autograph on my friends’ school exercise books.

I was confident I’d never have to write my own life story, and that Madonna had the right idea: have books written about you, but don’t write them yourself. Well, I’m not Madonna, and I’m not that famous. So here it is. My story, told by me.

I was born on April 10, 1979, to a 25-year-old dad, Robin Bextor, a journalist and TV producer, and 23-year-old Janet Ellis, an actress and TV presenter. I don’t really have any memories of my parents happy together, as their marriage fell apart when I was four.

Mum was a Blue Peter presenter by then, and Dad had started directing That’s Life, a big Saturday night TV show starring Esther Rantzen. By the time I was five, their divorce was official.

They lived a few minutes’ walk from each other in West London. Mum and I were in a little flat on the same road as my school, and Dad was in our old home. I found it hard to go from house to house.

Originally they split their time with me 50-50, but after a while it changed to me being with Mum most of the time and Dad every other weekend.

Every memory I have of anything related to custody invokes feelings of guilt and stress. School holidays were split between them equally, but when there was an odd number of nights, arguments ensued about who would have me for that extra night.

I know it is the mark of loving parents that they wanted me with them, but I felt incredible pressure not to upset them by showing any preference. I didn’t want either parent unhappy, so I would hide how I felt and say what I thought they wanted to hear.

I used to wish I had a sibling so that another human could experience what I was going through. But out of one unhappy marriage I got two happy ones, so I’m glad they found my step-parents, John and Polly.

I honestly feel I’ve been raised by four people, not two, and strange as it may sound, I can see bits of all four of them reflected in me sometimes. Nature and nurture all at once.

By the age of 19 I was no longer an only child, but the oldest of six: three sisters and two brothers. That’s quite the leap from those early years on my own. My youngest siblings were only six and seven when I had my first baby at 23, so they are close in age.

I love the fact my family ended up so big and sprawling. I like having so much going on. Good job the tattoo on my arm just says ‘Family’ and not the names of those within it – the list would be down to my wrist by now.

For me, family is everything. I now have five sons of my own – five small humans to nurture and nourish to adulthood.

If I were to list the way my priorities have shifted over the years into a chart rundown it would go something like this:

In at No 1 – thinking about the kids!

Down 30 places – being cool.

Up five – being kind.

Down 10 – any kind of toxic relationship.

Down 50 – time for myself. That’s parenthood!

I wasn't sure whether I was going to include this bit, but this is my platform to write about whatever I want and the things that have shaped me.

This is one of those dark and murky events in my life which I haven’t told many people about, but I owe it myself to put it out there, so here goes.

I definitely bear the scars from my first experiences with men and sex. When I was a teenager I knew I fancied boys, but I seemed far behind my friends.

At 15, I felt inexperienced and prudish, while they all seemed to be getting off with boys every weekend and quite a few had lost their virginity.

By the time I was 16 I had snogged only a couple of boys and had never had a boyfriend.

But it was around then I started going to a local indie club in the hope of getting my musical career off the ground. I was already deciding that life as a singer was for me.

Through the club nights there, I met girls outside school, including two sisters who seemed worldly, experienced and well connected. Here was my chance to shake off my Enid Blyton persona.

They didn’t see me as a prude, but they did see me as a bit of a project.

‘Have a one-night stand,’ they said. ‘It’s easy. You just bring a man home with you and then sleep with him.’

This seemed so grown-up to me. I’d read in magazines about one-night stands. Clearly, being a grown woman meant being able to do this.

Not too long after, when I was 17, I was out at a gig with a group of friends, including the sisters.

By now I was in my first band, theaudience, and although we hadn’t yet done a gig – we had just recorded demos and rehearsed – I was so happy to be hanging out with fellow musicians.

At the after-show party, I found myself talking to an older man who was in a band. He was their guitarist and he seemed to like me. I felt flattered.

I mentioned I was doing A-level history and he said: ‘I did history. Would you like to come back to my flat and see my history books?’ Probably the lamest chat-up line in the world, but I went in a taxi with him back to his flat.

Let’s call him Jim, shall we? Once back at the flat, Jim actually did show me his history books. I found myself putting one about Napoleon III in my bag. I kept it for a while afterwards, but seeing it always made me feel sad and used.

You see, Jim and I started kissing and before I knew it we were on his bed and he took off my knickers. I heard myself saying ‘No’ and ‘I don’t want to’, but it didn’t make any difference.

He didn’t listen to me and he had sex with me and I felt so ashamed. It was how I lost my virginity and I felt stupid.

I remember staring at Jim’s bookcases and thinking: I just have to let this happen now.

After it was over, I lay on the bed feeling odd, trying to process what had just happened. He fell asleep and I slept, too, not really knowing how to get myself home in the middle of the night.

I woke up after a short while and I can remember angrily picking up my clothes from the floor while saying to myself, ‘I said “No” ’. I went and sat in his kitchen, watching TV, feeling dazed.

After a while, Jim came into the room. ‘Oh, I didn’t think you’d still be here,’ he said. Again, I felt stupid. I didn’t know I was supposed to have left. I didn’t know I was supposed to just go afterwards.

On the way home I wondered if everyone else on the Tube could tell what had happened to me. I felt grubby, but also unsure about my own feelings as I had no other experience to compare it with.

At the time, the way rape was talked about wasn’t to do with consent – it was something you associated with aggression. But no one had pinned me down or shouted at me to make me comply, so why should I feel so violated?

I have thought so much about why I wanted to write about this. My life is happy now and I would not say that I felt overly traumatised at the time, and yet I feel as if the culture that surrounded me – the things I saw and read and the way sex was discussed – made me believe I didn’t have a case.

My experience was not violent. All that happened was I wasn’t listened to. Of the two people there, one said yes, the other said no, and the yes person did it anyway.

The older I’ve become, the more stark that 29-year-old man ignoring 17-year-old me has seemed.

I think it’s telling that when I came to write this book, this story was the one I wrote first. By going back to that room and to that time when I felt I didn’t have a voice, I can now give myself that voice.

I am not interested in naming and shaming the guy involved – I’ve Googled him and he seems to be happily going about his business and is in what looks like a happy long-term relationship. But I do want to encourage anyone to realise where the line between right and wrong lies.

I’m a mother of five young men now, and I introduce the concept of consent pretty early.

I want to raise considerate, kind people who can take other people’s feelings into account. I want them to actively want the other person to be happy, too, rather than just stopping because they have to.

I never saw Jim again, but a friend bumped into him and, when my name came up, he said we’d dated. We never dated. He didn’t even want to see me. He definitely didn’t want to listen to me.

I’ve asked myself why it’s important to write about these experiences. Why go over something that wasn’t very pleasant? Why make it public?

But I think if you experience something you know is wrong, then being brave and honest about it helps, and if anyone else has been through something similar, it might help us all talk about it.

But that’s not all. It’s also because I was silent about it for so long. It started to feel like I’m being complicit. I wasn’t heard when I was 17, but I think I’ll be heard now.

Looking back, I believe I had my first panic attack while filming a TV show. The anxious feeling had been brewing for a while, waiting for the right moment to tip me over the edge. It was December 2001 and my song Murder On The Dancefloor was about to be released.

I remember arriving at the TV studio and a colleague excitedly showing me my diary, which was completely packed for weeks. I couldn’t share her enthusiasm, but nodded my head and then walked on to the set in a bit of a daze.

I was starting to feel anxious and claustrophobic. As the sound man put on my radio mic, I started to feel more and more shaky, but I couldn’t leave the set. I couldn’t find any legitimate way of escaping.

I can’t remember all the guests but one was Jay Kay from Jamiroquai and DJ Jo Whiley was the host. Everything seemed hyper-real and I couldn’t work out if people were talking too fast or I was talking too slow.

I said: ‘Sorry, I’ve just got to go to the loo.’ I ended up on the street outside where I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself.

To his credit, my manager told me I could just leave if I wanted to. But I was able to get back in and finish the filming. And afterwards I felt elated.

As anyone who has had a panic attack knows, the only upside of the nightmarish ‘am I actually going mad?’ midst of the attack itself is that once it subsides it can give way to an almost euphoric high.

After that, panic attacks became regular visitors in my life. After a month or two of these episodes, it was my mother who diagnosed me. She said she’d read an article about panic attacks and thought that was probably what was going on with me.

But what to do about it? The triggers seemed to be any situation I felt I couldn’t walk away from without being conspicuous.

Tube carriages when the train suddenly stopped in a tunnel caused immediate panic. This paranoia increased the panic and I’d be sent spiralling into a shortness of breath, the craziness in my head and an inability to get a proper grasp on the passing of time.

Other panic-inducing situations included things such as meetings with my record label, where we’d sit in a boardroom with the door shut.

But the biggest and baddest of these situations was live TV.

Eventually I thought to myself: Enough, I need to sort this out.

The most popular route to help with panic attacks seemed to be hypnotherapy. This was the first therapy I’d ever tried – for anything – and I was a bit wary.

The initial session – with a very well-meaning practitioner – did nothing for me. She put on calming music and told me to lie still and relax, which sent me straight into the beginnings of an attack.

After that, a friend told me about someone who had been treated by the hypnotist Paul McKenna.

He’d become a regular fixture on TV and claimed he could change your life. I wasn’t sure whether he could really help me but I got in touch and trotted along to his place in Kensington, West London.

We spoke about the triggers of my anxiety and about other situations when I’d felt that way.

He said to imagine that I was standing in a room, and in the corner there was a television with a black-and-white image on it. The image should be an image of me from when I first remembered feeling out of control.

I thought back to when I was little and my mum and dad had split up, and all the fights over where I would spend the time, especially when there was an uneven number of nights to be shared.

The image I saw was me standing there at around the age of six while my stepmum explained how Dad was feeling about not seeing me as much as he’d like to.

While she spoke, I felt incredibly guilty and out of control.

The pressure was too much and I didn’t want to hurt anyone or upset anyone. I simply didn’t know what to do.

Paul listened and told me to get closer to the screen and then let the image turn from black-and-white to colour.

‘Now step inside the image. Climb into the scene and speak to that little version of yourself. Tell her you’re now an adult, that it’s OK she didn’t know what to do, and that you’ve grown into a happy grown-up so she doesn’t need to worry. It’s all going to be OK, and you can tell her that.’

I did what he said and shortly afterwards I walked out of Paul’s house in a daze.

I had been completely awake and aware throughout the session, but boy, was it powerful. For the next two or three days I could remember so many details from the time I was around the age of six or seven – things I had long forgotten, sights and smells. It was bizarre, but it really worked.

Since that time I’ve had the inklings of a panic attack – the occasional little tug – but never again has it bloomed into a full-blown thing. Whatever Paul said to me that day, in just one session, was incredibly effective in giving the power back to me. I’m so grateful to him. Especially amazing was the fact that he never charged me. He told me to make a contribution to charity, instead, which I did of course.

Pretty cool, that.

Lockdown woes and the joy of our Kitchen Disco

When lockdown first started, my husband Richard and I felt like most people. A bit freaked out, stressed by the heaviness of the news, discombobulated by the tilt our world was now on.

We’d started 2020 with a very full diary of gigs and overnight they were gone. Not only that, but our kids were suddenly off school and they were unnerved, too.

Meanwhile, online there were so many talented musicians performing songs, accompanying themselves on piano or guitar and sounding lovely. I had such a strong urge to do something fun and creative that we too could put out there.

Richard suggested we do a live gig on Instagram – the easiest platform without needing complicated streaming rights in order to transmit music live.

The first gig we streamed was pretty ridiculous. I put on a sparkly catsuit and I kept having to warn Richard, who was filming it, when he was about to walk backwards on to our crawling baby, who was only 14-months-old at the time.

I did my thing and shimmied about and embraced the absurdity, as did Richard, who joined me wearing an animal mask and playing on his Millennium Falcon bass (he’s the bass player in rock band The Feeling).

Afterwards, we wondered what the hell we’d just done. We’d always been pretty private about our home and we’d never put the kids’ faces out into the world, but in the midst of the pandemic and the whole world gone wonky, none of that felt important or relevant any more.

The desire to connect with folk, have some fun, alleviate some tension and distract ourselves won out.

Still, I was genuinely expecting a lot of ridicule. I was a 40-year-old woman in full sparkle singing pop songs surrounded by her offspring. I assumed people would make fun of me. But they didn’t.

I think the intensity of the news meant daftness was in short supply. Plus, who doesn’t love to dance around to let some of the stress go?

Also, the cartoony strangeness of the sequins and the sprogs was like a caricature of what so many people had been experiencing.

Music has always been our family’s way of flipping the script – to celebrate or dance about and be silly, to shake off tension or to make each other laugh. It doesn’t always work – I’m pretty sure all my kids will leave home relieved they won’t hear me singing around the house any more – but when it’s good, it’s great.

One friend said that when she saw our Kitchen Discos that I looked the happiest she’d ever seen me. Lockdown was downright awful sometimes and I shouted/raged/resented more than normal, but the discos have been pure joy and I hope the kids will look back on them fondly.

Strange times. But I have felt such enormous affection for all who’ve been over to our house, virtually. What a lovely community of dancing people.

I’m proud to be part of the party and it has reminded me yet again of the importance of joy for joy’s sake, and silliness and music as a tonic for the soul.

© Sophie Ellis-Bextor, 2021

Spinning Plates, the book, is out on October 7th. Click here to pre-order a copy.