#this convo will never fail to make my heart heavy

[ay0nha]

When shall we meet again in thunder, lightning, or rain? | S.G. (ii)

prologue, part i

SUMMARY: “And here I thought, I was the only one that did.” He returned to his baseline: toeing the line between mocking and playful. "Don't you get tired of being alone? Or are you too good for that?"

PAIRING: Satoru Gojo x Fushiguro!reader (Megumi's aunt/Toji's sister)

WORD COUNT: 2.1K~

WARNINGS: slight enemies to lovers, a bit of a mean!gojo, ANGST HEAVY, Tsumiki in her coma, angsty convos and feelings, slight TOUCH STARVED gojo, panic attack descriptions, canon-typical things, rushed ending, etc.

A/N: This took longer than I thought, but I want to take my time and really put effort into this one, so I hope you all enjoy. BIG shout out to @hatsunemitskislobotomy this wouldn't have happened without your help. Much love. Again, based on/inspired by @stsgooo's post (here!). Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future parts.

COMMENTS ENCOURAGED. !!! PLEASE !!!

TAGS: @96jnie, @stevenknightmarc

“Miss Fushiguro?” 

“Yes?” You missed the first call of your name but stood the moment you heard it again. “That’s me.”

The friction of the chair against the linoleum scratched at your spine. The noise only brought attention, adding to the clashing of sounds around you: infants crying, uncovered coughs, and monotonous voices over the intercom drowned out by the emergency room chatter.

The blood that had rushed to your head created a beautiful constellation for you to follow. It led you down the narrow hallway to a room reserved for your five-minute slot. The turnover was quick; wounds, infections, and sickness organized the people. 

You were still figuring out where you fit in this categorization. Months of the same routine dulled your senses. 

“Seems she’s still doing well…” The nurse’s tired eyes scanned the scantily filled-out paperwork, just as they always had. She led you deeper into the maze of beeping monitors and desperate complaints.  “The doctor will be in soon to see you.”

The nurse that had brought you back looked at you with tired eyes. It was as if she went to say something but deflated once she lost the energy to you—the transfer only agitated you further. 

The room was sterile, its stark smell overwhelming your senses. Yet, the stillness was baneful. 

Tsumki looked cold layered under the hospital blankets. The cheap fabric was without wrinkles, perfectly tucked around her body. Tendrils of hair swirled around her head like a misplaced crown. If it weren’t for the soft hum of machines tracking her vitals, you’d mistake her motionless state for rigor mortis. 

Even when the doctor came to update you on Tsumiki’s catatonic state, your mind failed to make sense of it all. She was so far removed from the world you were excluded from, and yet, she was touched so violently by it. 

It’s not fair, you thought. Your eyes were devoid and steadily ahead, fixated on the rise and fall of her chest. It’s not fair. 

Selfish.  Your own voice echoed in your mind, scolding you for the thoughts that came forth. 

Even if you said it aloud—your desire to trade places—it would seem altruistic, a sacrifice for the bigger picture. It would hide the envy in your heart. You wanted to be relieved from the world so completely, so idly, that you could finally have a moment to catch your breath. 

Now, your breath was filled with guilt and stuck. Your control was tight, trying not to crack. 

Everything pierced you; Megumi’s clothes fought against his growth, the school begged you to intervene with his attitude, and the pressure on his shoulders weighed him

of his abilities seep into everything he touched. 

It didn’t matter if you couldn’t keep up. You weren’t allowed to crumble. If you did, everything would be taken from you before you could let out your breath. You didn’t know life without that tight inhale. 

It was all you knew. 

You were afraid of anything different, but you would never fully realize that. Nor would you accept that it was stillness that you sought, not of Tsumiki’s body, but her mind. Only in this quiet did her brain, once wild and still forming during waking hours, cool itself into something calm.

“Chin up.” A familiar voice called with inappropriate joy. Gojo entered with a confidence that ignored the dense air of malaise. 

You dismissed the instruction, not caring that his appearance was so sudden. You’d grown accustomed to your time never truly belonging to you. 

“Doctor said she’s doing great. Brain activity and all of that.” He waved vaguely, his other hand permanently calm and tucked away in his pocket. “You, though—” He tutted, head tilting with childish mockery “—rumor going ’round you live here...”

You weren’t blind to the way the nurses looked at you. They believed you resembled a fraying string, each visit splintering you further. However, they had the decency to look past the fact, unlike the man dwelling in your shadow.

“...better off getting a job…” Gojo continued, knowingly filling the silence. His finger glided along the windowsill, in search of non-existent dust. Every twitch was subtle arrogance. 

He had yet to see how your breath was tight, consuming most of your senses. You sunk your nails into your palm, holding onto what was left of your dignity. Grief was reserved for those who deserved it.

You breathed with stale disappointment. “Leave, Gojo.”

Since Tsumiki’s curse, you'd have limited conversation with him. It was a reminder of the anger you held at the broken promise he’d made to keep you all safe. You were naive to believe even the strongest there was could be capable of that. 

Tsumiki was your world. Blood never mattered as she was as much yours and you were hers. She endured it all with a smile that you struggled to match, you could never make it reach your eyes the way she had. 

He knew this. 

Yet, it was like you were only partly there, a piece of your mind eons and eons away, somewhere in a place that let you justify your loneliness.

It oozed from every pore of you, always. You’d been soaking in it for years, unknowingly most of the time, too preoccupied with ignoring your own humanity and trying to convince everyone else around you that you were anything but that. 

“I’ve been told to give consideration to my audience…” Gojo scratched at his cheek with jaded thought. His patience was flippant and the advice was taken at half-value from Nanami. “...you make that so hard to do when you pretend I don’t care—

Your laugh was shallow, his so-called wisdom meaningless to you.  “Caring never suited you, so don’t hurt yourself trying.”

“Like you?” Gojo frowned, sanitizing the situation. Your pain was tangible. “No one could have known this would happen, but avoiding us won’t change that.”

“Us?” Another laugh. It was always we and us when it was for his advantage. The idea stung; that every interaction the two of you had led into disarray. “Megumi has nothing—

“Megumi—” Gojo shifted, tentative with his interruption. It was inevitable for the exchange to turn sour, he invited it in the moment he found you. He hoped it wouldn’t have plummeted so quickly. “He’s worried about you.”

You could have denied it, blaming his fear on his age, but Megumi was far from naive. You could have lied, let words tumble past your lips until your answer was deemed sufficient. However, the truth surfaced with stark malice. 

“He’ll learn to live without me.” Just as you would. It was inevitable. It was fate; determined the moment his father died only secured when Gojo supported Megumi’s talent. 

It was only then you realized the lack of barrier between you and Gojo. All six eyes were trapping you, desperately searching for any affection lingering from the past. 

There was a time when you let him in. When trust was implied, Gojo’s dedication was clear in how he carried Megumi on his shoulders and always reached out for Tsumiki’s hand. His teasing dared you to match him, to look forward to his company in a way that was reserved only for him. 

Your hesitancy was a feat to grow past, but Gojo planted himself so firmly you stopped caring. It worked slowly, seeping into everyday life only to cease entirely the moment Tsumiki found the bridge. 

Gojo’s world hadn’t stopped like yours. Its velocity was unbeatable while the quicksand pulled you under. If he had seen you were a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings, maybe things would have turned out a little differently. Maybe there wouldn’t be an empty place within you where your heart once was. 

“I’m—” Gojo whispered, eyes unrelenting in luring something out. He stopped himself to wet his lips, a poor stalling tactic.“Ever since—” He paused. “What can I say for you to let me…”

The soft clattering of the hospital finished his question, answering for you as well. 

You weren’t sure there were any words that could comfort you. Looking at Tsumiki again, you pulled a shaky breath through your nose. She was stable, Gojo firm on proper care. There would be a day when this was the past and Gojo was willing to guide you there. 

“Gojo, really—everything is… visiting hours are going to be over soon” You suppressed the quiver in your voice. “I’ll be okay,” you said. “I’m just having a d–a week.” A month, a year, a life.

 Reluctantly, you met his gaze. The heavy fatigue won. Your resistance had faded almost entirely. It was how Gojo knew you were lying. 

“I’ve talked to Yaga.” The conversation he’d been skirting around finally surfaced, it was the reason he needed to talk to you. “There’s plenty of space for you to join us.” 

“I’m not like you.” Your admission was breathless. “That place isn’t fun for people like me, Gojo.”

You hated the way Gojo posture straightened barely, protectively. It encouraged your frown. 

“They won’t touch you—”

“You think this is about the Zenins?” You had never meant to become the villain. You just didn't know what else to do. “You don’t get it do you?” 

Your curiosity bore a dark meaning, filling the cracks between you with a sticky tar that effortlessly glided off his ego but against yours, you couldn’t quite scrub away. 

“And here I thought, I was the only one that did.” He returned to his baseline: toeing the line between mocking and playful. "Don't you get tired of being alone? Or are you too good for that?"

Gojo held your glare with softness. Its intent wasn’t to make you squirm, but it had. You wanted to fight, a reason to retaliate. But he knew you well, understood you still, and knew what it meant to distance yourself with well-earned vexation. 

“Let sleeping dogs lie.” You bit back carefully, a baseless threat as your waterline threatened tears. ​​

You knew it was important to remain as blase as possible so you didn’t cry. Although, you didn’t really cry anymore. Even when you wanted to, the tears never came. At some point, you must’ve reached your lifetime limit. 

The silence was pregnant: her contractions and your combined breathing intensify and climb and climb and climb, the pains threatening to tear her apart and birth something truly horrendous out into this world.

It would be an abomination, you realized.

The heat began to spread through your body, it felt like the walls were closing in, like you were going to explode. You began to stare off into space, as though you were distancing yourself from reality, your body tense, gearing for a fight. 

Gojo stared, dumbfounded, into your glassy eyes until you broke the spell by speaking, voice nothing but a broken rasp. “I can’t breathe, Satoru…”

You squeezed your eyes shut, bit your tongue. All you could hear was the screeching sound of the machines filling your ears, and the hospital corridor beyond you was now a blur. 

Your knees wobbled, and Gojo caught you tightly, taking on your weight. 

A soft breath left him, arms precariously placed out of defensiveness around your figure. His body knew before him to release his technique. He can't remember the last time somebody touched him who wasn't you, not for years now. It's an amicable casualness he can't explain away. 

“I can never breathe.” Your heart felt permanently caught in your throat.You just shook his head, tired and defeated. The words have lived inside you for a while. “I just can’t do it anymore—my body—”

Hyper vigilance became the enemy that threatened to consume you whole. Sleep was no longer negotiable. Every movement dragged worry, invited agitation, and controlled your sabotage. 

“Easy. Easy…” Gojo’s skin pricked as if you’d shocked him.  It was like his senses had become heightened to how closely you were now leaning into him.

The skin of your chest tingled. You felt paralyzed. Yet, Gojo’s touch slithered around you, kneading out every hitch. You looked more sorry than you should, believing that you're a burden on him when you aren’t—you're a lightness he’s missed. 

“The world is too big…” Gojo continued with a low note in his voice that made you wonder just how much he understood you. “It’s so large, no breath feels quite deep enough.”

Just like always, he seemed to read what you didn't say. 

You swallow heavily, your nose kissing his shoulder. It was so soft, feather-light pressure but it surged through your body all the same. Pain came and faded. No blood rushing in your ears, no beating heart. You’re too tired, in every sense of the word, to ask for what you wanted.

You stay wrapped in his arms for a long time. Long enough to think about how you might never get to do this again, and you suddenly want him in all the ways you never had him, and all the ways you had.

[neeksnorton]

Drunk In Love // Abner Krill x GenderNeutral!Reader

Abner Krill x GenderNeutral!Reader - Short Story

REQUESTED BY: @jay-cosplay-bin

A/N - hi there! this is my first request story. Definitely shorter than my usual 2K+ stories, but i think this turned out pretty good. I'm keeping requests open for a little while longer, but I have a LOT of requests so I may close soon. If you submitted a request i will 100% get to it. thanks for the immeasurable support!

~ You've had some undisclosed feelings for Abner, and you've been wondering if he feels the same. You plan on asking him, but his feelings decide to come out differently. ~

NSFW TAGS : mutual pining, drinking, awkward convo, clubbing, taking shots, minor angst

WORD COUNT : 1K

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You and Abner had been having some tension during the mission to Corto Maltese. Brushing hands, bumping into each other. You noticed that he seems to blush any time you touch him or look at him. The group was barely into the mission, and you had started to develop feelings for him.

That was really your famous thing. Applying for Task Force X, falling in love with one of the members of your team, and then they die. Every. Single. Time. The inmates laughed at you for it. You HATE that it’s become your schtick, but whatever. It stung, but each time it gets a little easier.

You hate to admit it, but Ab felt different. A different… but good… feeling came over you when you looked at him. Something about his tall lanky body, his black floppy hair, and beautiful sad brown eyes… you almost hated him for it. He wasn’t supposed to make you want him like this. Why did he have to be different? Why did ANYONE have to be different?

Whatever. It was too much to unpack during a mission, so you figure it’d be best to just brush it off as best you can until the mission is over. If he stayed alive it would be a miracle. He’d probably be your fucking soulmate or something.

Probably the best time to snap back to reality. You guys are on the bus ride, on the way to some dumb strip club to find Grieves. Abner is sitting behind you on the bus, looking solemnly out the window. It made you so sad when he looked like that. He was lost in his mind, deep in thought about something. Perhaps reliving something. You couldn’t tell.

His eyes meet yours, and for just a moment, the sadness went away. His puppy dog eyes lit up, and the corners of his mouth cracked into a small smile. His cheeks turned a rosy pink.

Your heart skips a beat. Your chest tightens up and you have to look away when you crack a smile. Holy shit, you think to yourself. You have to tone this shit down. You can’t get ahead of yourself, he could fucking die, what would you do then? The thought of him possibly dying makes your throat constrict and you have to push the thought out of your head before you get emotional.

You get off the bus and make your way inside the club, sitting down at a booth. Rick orders a couple rounds of shots for everyone. The hot tequila burns your throat wildly, but you love the feeling. You look at Ab sitting across from you, and he takes his shot like you did, swiftly and with no hesitation. He starts coughing, and everyone around the table laughs at him.

You can’t help but giggle, you know he was trying to impress you. Even though it was a failed attempt, it was so cute. The way he tried to do something just like you did, but fumbling a little. It was so goddamn cute.

You take a few more shots, Abner follows but with more ease than the first time. He’s starting to loosen up a little. His shoulders aren’t as tense, he’s not moving so stiffly. He’s laughing a little bit more, and he doesn’t seem so lost in himself like usual.

Everyone leaves the booth single file and moves to the dance floor. As you begin to dance, you feel the alcohol swiftly coursing through your veins. The lights are blurring, everything’s moving so slowly.

Someone bumps into you from behind. It’s Abner.

“Ahh-hah- shit… s-sorry…” He smiles with a toothy grin. Jesus, he’s so drunk. His speech is so slurred, you can barely make out what he’s saying. His lips are moving, you heard him say sorry, but everything else is jumbled. Whatever he’s saying, he’s pretty excited about it.

“What??” You yell over the music.

He sighs dramatically. “I SAID… y-you are just absolutely ammmAAZing. I c-cant stop thinking ‘bout you since we started our mission, and I am so… Ahh…”

You swallow. Shit. Is what he’s saying true? Does he really think that?”

“So what? You’re so what??”

“... D-drunk.”

You both bust out with laughter. You fall into him and breathe in. You get a whiff of his cologne and you feel an ache in your core. He smells so fucking good.

His arms wrap around your waist and your center tightens even more. Holy shit. This is happening. It’s really happening.

You look up at him.

Abner looks at you as if you are the only person in the world. He doesn’t want anything else except you. There is nothing else here but YOU.

His lips slightly part, and he bends down. You bite you lip out of nervousness.

Fuck it.

You grab his face and quickly meet his lips with yours. His eyes widen, but then fall closed soon after.

This was pure bliss. Electricity was coursing through your body. Every nerve was burning with desire. Your stomach was on fire, yearning for more. You wanted him so badly, more than you’ve ever wanted anyone in your whole life. Kissing someone never felt like this. Was it always supposed to feel like this?

The alcohol was heavy on his breath as his tongue explored your mouth. He was intoxicating. You needed more. So much more.

By the same token, he was entranced by you. He didn’t have a care in the world but you. He felt a primal urge to protect you and shield you. To mark you up and show the whole world that you were gonna be his. Forever.

"I love y-you..." he whispered into your ear, making your whole body shiver.

God fucking dammit. This was gonna be a problem.

[pradadoie]

A full translation of the third victim’s post - Part 1

T/N; Hey guys. Due to Tumblr’s post limit, I will post the convo translations on the second part of the post. Keep in mind that the situation is still going on and we should stay neutral. This is also not a XX hate post, I am merely translating this as this is a matter heavy post. Do not send threats or hate messages to any party involved and read this post with a clear and neutral mind. If anybody (Especially those fluent in mandarin) wants to make corrections on my post, please do so - this is my first time translating something like this. Thank you. 

At first, I didn’t want to speak up about this issue. This is because everybody including myself thought that we’ve broken up on good terms. To be honest, this incident did not cause me harm in terms of mental wellness or any other form, which was why I initially decided to forget about it and move on with my life. 

However, after reading yesterday’s posts (containing the allegations + timeline), what I noticed was my experiences overlap with the other victims, and many girls have come out to relay their experiences with him. I also found out that he would talk behind a girl’s back in order to scam a different girl and started up rumors about her - this made me feel betrayed. I felt that this situation isn’t as simple as it seems, and I don’t know whether there will be more victims coming out. I just hope that people would get a wake up call after reading my post/experience, and see him for the person he truly is - I also hope that there will be no more victims.

Pic 1 - Contact with HXX: At first, I was just a fan of his and I really liked him - which was why I attended some of his events/schedules. Until one day, I received an airdrop with the name “luca’s iphone” attached, I used an ID with my name on it to send him a sticker/meme for fun. From then on, we started contacting each other and added each other on Wechat. At first, I felt like a main character/lucky female lead in a romance drama - turns out, I wasn’t the only main character/female lead in his life. 

Pic 2 - Spending the night with HXX: After learning that the location (where he had his schedule) was close to my place, he immediately suggested he come over and visit my house, as he wanted to go somewhere with nobody around. 

He was somebody of the opposite sex as well as somebody I really liked, therefore I started to overthink. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he replied that he didn’t have one. If I knew he had a girlfriend during that time, I would have never invited him over to my house and cut all contact.  

On that day, I thought that there would be a romance blossoming between us. After his schedule, he went back to his hotel before coming over to my place. I even asked him: “Does your manager know about this? (For a more direct translation, she asked “Does your manager not care?”)” He mentioned that his manager was asleep in the other room and was not aware that he (HXX) went out to visit her. 

The first thing he did after stepping into my house was smoke, he even invited me to smoke with him. After that, both of us started drinking and chatting. He mentioned that his best friend (who has not debuted yet) during his trainee days was useless and good for nothing, ranting about how his teammates never put in any effort during practice and never listened, ranted about how a teammate of his stole his fashion related opportunities, and also ranted about how some members are untalented and only debuted due to their visuals. He also mentioned how he disliked Keep Running as he didn’t like how tiring it is and how his seniors give him a lot of pressure. He disliked how his fans gathered at the airport to take his photos etc. He also opened up about how his family wasn’t doing well financially, how his dad’s investments failed, expressed his wish to save money to buy a house and a car and whatnot, and then started ranting about how society is unfair. During that time, I thought he was just a genuine, hardworking boy. However, after seeing many victims expose him of his ways, he was just using this to gain sympathy from me and take advantage of me (translation here may be inaccurate, please correct me if I’m wrong.) 

Back then, although I was surprised, I thought that his image was far from his true self. He was always preaching about how much hard work he puts in and mentioned that Iwas the only person who understood how he felt. He gave me the impression that he was realistic and bright, and made me misunderstood that he was someone I could have a heart to heart talk with. After spending the night at my house, he left the next day for his upcoming schedules. 

Pic 3 - Demanding for presents

Before arriving at my house, he made excuses about how he didn’t bring enough clothes and asked if I could buy some clothes for him before he came over. He even pointed out the brands he preferred (He wanted Saint L*urent, B*lenciaga, and said he didn’t want B*rberry because he disliked the brand - ironic because he is a brand ambassador for that brand) 

Pic 4 - Follow up

Before his schedules, I would ask if he wanted me to go/follow him. He always responded saying it was a waste of time and said I should be prioritizing my studies (and many other excuses). At first, I thought he was being sincere and genuinely thought that he was concerned about my wellbeing. Turns out, he didn’t want me there because he was meeting other people. I was the fool in the end. (Direct translation: Turns out, I was the clown)

When I followed him to his schedules, he would repeatedly ask if I had a house, whether I was living alone, etc. After I told him I had a roommate, he disappeared and did not reply to my texts over the next few days. 

I couldn’t bear with the mixed signals and the confusing feelings. During December, I decided to confront him about his ways. However, he ignored my attempts to talk, using his schedules as an excuse to avoid talking to me. After somebody exposed his teammate (?), he kept on telling me that “we’re just friends” and warned me to not expose him. After that conversation, I saw his true colors and cut off all contact with him. I would also like to say that I am grateful for my upbringing and my assertiveness - if the victim was someone who was emotionally fragile or lacked a good support system (or love), would she develop psychological/mental problems (T/n: read between the lines - she’s hinting that somebody could have gotten insecurities/change in mindset that will lead them to do/develop something worse because of his actions) because of scum like him?

During our period of contact, I have repeatedly asked him if he had a girlfriend or whether he was in contact with other girls. All the replies he gave me were “No.” (Refer to Pic 5) He also mentioned that he never drank with other girls as well. I really believed his lies back then, thinking he was just somebody yearning for love. Today, I discovered that he used his idol persona and fans’ love to fulfill his own needs and scam/cheat others, flirting with other women despite having a girlfriend himself, went to different cities to meet different girls and treat them like a personal harem. He also talked behind every girls’ back, constantly speaking ill of them. His behavior made us (OP and the other victims) feel worthless. I acknowledge that issues like this will be forgotten easily as time goes by, and that people would nitpick on this issue and blame this incident on my behavior, for the way I threw myself into a fire of destruction. 

In the end, I hope that people like me - who blindly followed and believed him - will open their eyes and see his true side - I hope that you will know better and don’t get hurt the way I did and bear the pressure I faced. Lastly, I hope that all boys and girls alike will no longer suffer from people like him.

[wavbleu]

Rodrick heffley: Keep quiet

tw: possession and degrading

~~~~~~~~~

"I cant believe she would do that to you!" you say with a short giggle, you look at Rodricks adorable face and my smile grew bigger knowing that the only time hes genuinely happy and laughing is around you. "I was so totally shocked when she bit me, my dick hurt for like the following week." He stroked his fingers through his semi-short hair and continued on his painful story on how he lost his virginity.

You and Rodrick have been talking for 2 and a half months now, you and him have an extreme connection despite the fact that you are totally opposite. You like to wear softer colored clothes and get good grades in school, and Rodrick well... doesn't. He doesn't give a shit what people think or say about him and just goes the way he wants to, Thats what you've always adored him, you were jealous of that.

Sometimes  you question how your friends with a guy as corrupted as him.

But when ever you converse the words just spill out of you, it actually feels like hes engaged and actually willing to hear more and learn about you. You've never experienced anything like that before. Speaking that most of your exes just used you for sex.

Whenever your around Rodrick, you feel like yourself. What ever you are scared to be in front of everyone else you show it to him and he strangely accepts it. Obviously, you would even consider him your best friend or 'pal' But lately ... the way he touches you isnt very 'pal-like' . Although it may seem like something small, he would massage your knee and work his way down your smooth thigh, stopping right before he reaches your inner thigh; slowly massaging that area and leaves you wanting more of him.

It could be when your hugging and he lowers his hands from your waist to your hips.. Stuff like that may not seem large but it speaks louder and clear that theres sexual tension in the air.

Rodrick finished up his tragic v card story and you both giggled, Rodrick then abruptly stopped laughing and his once loud laugh turned into a snarky smile. "What's with the smirk." you say smiling nervously not knowing what he will do.

"Are you a virgin?" He says, "Nah." You respond back to him. "Ive only had sex with 2 people though."

Yea you weren't a virgin (at all) but man when you had sex it was just beyond awful, terrible. Butterflies grew in your stomach as you watched him bite his cheek in amazement.

"Wow, Little miss Y/N getting freaky in the sheets." he teased, you droopily looked down at your swinging feet hanging off your bed and sighed before admitting, "Well it wasn't exactly good.. if fact it was absolutely dreadful." , "Well i wanna hear this to see if its just as bad as mines."

You adjusted yourself to lean against the white headboard, looking at Rodrick who was seated at the end of the bed. You wrapped your arms around your pillow and started reminiscing on how you lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 17.

"Well it was a party that was at some random guys house.. gee I dont even remember his name... I think it was like tony or something like that.","We were in this small group with other people in our grade, we were bored so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven.." , "and it was my turn to spin the bottle, sadly."...

flashback

~~~~~

(skip if you dont like the extra length.)

You anxiously spun the bottle, hoping that it would stop on your crush, Luke Hannington.  The bottle spun and everyone watched in awe.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the bottle started to decelerate and fixate on a person.. tense but hopeful , you look up at the person the bottle focused on.

Luke.

You tried to hold back your sheer excitement and joyfulness, but it quickly came to a halt after seeing your crushes nonchalant, monotone, bored face. 'He was probably hoping for someone hotter' you think yourself pathetically.

Everyone sneakily snickered and whispered in each others ears after seeing his disappointed face and disgusted eyes.

You felt like bursting into tears after feeling the way you did. You felt hideous.

"So ill set the timer, the closet is on your left sweetie."  The host said, obviously trying to hold back her sneaky remarks until you get in the closet.

He quickly gets up and speed walks to the closet, you followed, fondling your fingers and biting the skin off your lip.

You got to the closet, atleast he was sweet enough to hold the door open for you.

You sat down on the carpeted floor, hassling all the jackets and coats off of you. Luke frantically searched for the light so we can actually see in this closet and took a seat after.

He closed the door and minutes later you heard it lock from the otherside, "Begin, lovebirds!"

The only thing that began was the pure awkwardness and his uncomfortable glances. "So um.." You tried to start a convo but failed at it miserably, nothing you were doing was working, he would always give this stupid uncomfy look or mess with his collar. You were milliseconds away from kicking the door down and leaving this stupid party.

"Im sorry." he said noticing your frustration, "I dont think your ugly or anything.", "Ive had sex before, but not with strangers."

Stranger. Neat.

Tension arosed in the closet after he asked out of no where, "Have you ever been fingered before?" ,"I think im a pro if i say so myself."

You nodded your head no, "Im a virgin..","Ive always wanted to though.." You tried to say seductively hoping to make him hard.  "Open your legs." He sternly demanded, you obeyed and did just that.

He pulled off your cotton panties and felt you up and down, then awkwardly slid a finger in. You gasp surprised, hoping he would've given more foreplay. "Um.." You moan as he fingered you in an accelerating pace , rubbing your left lip thinking it was your clit.

You felt second hand embarrassment for him, Luke Hannington doesn't know where the clitoris is?

You were drying out and getting turned off by his loud grunts and heavy breathing, actually thinking he was doing something. "Somebody lied to this man.." You said in your head. "No way do i actually have to fake an orgasm for this psychopath to stop."

You prepped yourself and tried replicate the girls off of pornhub, "Oh yes!" you moaned as you shook your legs frantically, a smile grew upon his face as he went faster. "Im gonna-" You dramatically puff your chest up faking an intense orgasm.

He stopped and swiped the sweat off of his forehead, "Good right?" , "Great, i bet you i wont  even be able walk straight!" You moan, you cheesily snapped your fingers and giving him finger guns to throw him off your awful acting.  The timers alarm rung, "Finally." You thought to yourself.

You stood up and walked out of the closet just fine.

You got back to the group who were snickering and giggling like a bunch of pre-schoolers.

~~~~

end of flashback

"Bad but not as bad as mines." He chuckled competitively, "Whatever." You threw a pillow at him. "Ive been cursed with the spell "awful sex." ever since that night." You dramatically say, "Is that so?" , "No guy has been capable of making you cum.. making you scream?" His voice lowered, looking into your eyes with a hot confused look.

"Yea pretty much." You sneakily adjust your skirt so he can see your soft thighs and a sliver of your panties. The room went silent as he looked you up and down, examining your body and its crevices , he licked his lips struggling to control the urge to squish and carress your thighs. He quickly looked down hoping you didnt notice how long he was staring at your body, so hungrily.

"Hey um.. y/n" He said scooting closer to you.

Your breath became heavy and palms began to sweat as you watched him scoot in closer.

"Have you been feeling it too?" his soft deep voice lowering into a erotic whispering tone. "F-feeling what?" You stumble trying to think straight, his eyes were fixated on your lips, he wanted them badly.

"You know.." "The tension?" He slowly rubs your thigh with his huge hands, maneuvering them up your skirt but stopping right before he hit, you know what. You hated that. You nod slowly to his question.

"You told me you never came before?" He questioned, "No.. never." You responded back. He put a stray hair behind your ear, then smoothly rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Can i be your first?"

You nod needily.

Biting your lip before going in for a deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist , scooting you up onto his lap. His hands adventured up your skirt again , grabbing your ass and slapping it. You gasp at the loud sound it made.

"My parents are home Rodrick!" You whisper yelled pulling away from the kiss.

Rodrick continued kissing your neck and ear, gripping your firm ass cheek, not giving a fuck about what anyone says. Like usual.

"Baby i truly don't give a shit, just keep it down." He sternly said.

"Mmm ok.." You moan and roll your head back as he made out with that sweet spot on your neck.

He roughly pinned you down and kissed you more this time exchanging tongue. He pulled away from the compelling kiss leaving a small train of spit

He pulled your panties off smoothly and stared at the sight to see. "Have you ever been fingered before?" He jokingly teased giving a little lightheart to this hot and spicy situation.

He trailed his hands up and down your wet pussy, looking for that spot.

When he finally got his hands on it you let out a small gaspy squeal, "Its right here?" You nod, breath getting faster.

"Yes daddy right there please~" You cry out, "Daddy?" He smirks, He slowly rubs his fingers around your clit. "Im your daddy now?" Rodrick bites his lip, "Then i guess your my little slut then."

"Are you my little slut?"  He asks you, he picks up his pace sending a small tingle down your spine, he giggled mischievously knowing that its gonna be hard for you to respond. You try to catch your breath but moans and shrieks keep cutting your words off.

"Are you my little.. slut?" He slipped in two fingers and fucked your tight hole and worked your g-spot, so much to a point where you had to grasp one of your plushies to keep from screaming. "Alright I guess ill have to make you say yes."

Your eyes roll back as you felt his mouth attach to your clit, swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit. For the first time you actually wanted to cum..

"I think im gonna-" You bite into a pillow to cover the loud noise you were gonna let out.

Right before you were about to have an intense orgasm, he stopped. Edging you and all your senses. You whined like a little bitch.

"Shut the fuck up." He said unbuckling his pants, "Your gonna take this dick and your gonna like it, alright? alright." He said stroking his rock hard twitching dick before aggressively sliding in.

"My parents- ah-" , " I swear if you mention your parents one more time im gonna throat fuck you."  He said in a pissed off tone.

He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid a pillow under you.  Rodrick continued to fuck up into you, hitting that one spot again, and again, and again; and just to torture you, he rubbed your clit you were experiencing bliss, euphoria.

Rodrick swiftly took your legs off his shoulder and spread them wide open so he could get a deeper fuck, "stupid slut your legs are trembling." , "You really like me fucking you hard, hitting that spot just perfectly even when your parents are just sitting in their room ; feet away? " ,"Now when i ask this again, i want a response."

"are you my little slut?" He whispered into your ears, you moaned loudly and threw your head back, "Yes!", "Yes daddy, im your slut." ," I want your parents to fucking hear." He looked you deep in the eyes waiting for your response.

"Yes daddy im your slut.." You moaned loudly.

He grasped on your waist and pounded deep into you, the claps of your skin, the loud moans, at that point you forgot you even HAD parents.

He kept fucking into your tight cunt relentlessly, hitting every single spot perfectly. Humanly impossible.

"Cum whore i know you wanna." Rodrick says, you open your mouth but no moans come out.. that was it . You were actually gonna cum... Your legs began to shake and tumble ,  it felt like a large sneeze but in your stomach. "Im gonna-" You could barely get out.

You released yourself onto his cock, "Fucking hell." He said as he couldn't bare to last any longer. He pulled out of you and came onto your tired cunt.

"Damn baby." He groaned putting his softening dick away. "was it good?" He hopefully said, "It was amazing." You responded back excitedly.

That stupid curse is gone, yay!

Everything was good until you heard loud footsteps seconds away from your door.

~~~~~~~

Authors note:

This is a pretty long story but i actually enjoyed writing these ones, rodrick was my first story on this book (and my most popular) so you know i had to do the mf again🙄 pegging and femboy kink coming soon⚠️

[mautlie]

i said last night i would maybe write my reasonings for my placements on this chart over what i hc as each of my muses’ primary love languages, and so here i go! these will be in separate posts, each group categorized by their love language, because i decided trying to put thirty-seven paragraphs under a readmore still sounded like way too much. forgive me for a lack of showing in-game text evidence like i normally do, but i still reference specific conversations in most of these. it should be noted that i also believe love languages can be applied to platonic bonds in the same way they are to romantic ones, so i reference platonic interactions in these posts too.

second off is the receiving gifts cabal. i define it as these characters primarily express their affection or believe affection from others is most meaningful when people give things to one another. these characters put weight behind the act of gifting and they likely believe in putting a heavy amount of thought behind the gift too. it is not necessarily that these characters are materialistic, as the act carries the weight primarily, and the gift itself is just evidence of the associated feelings.

FAYE - i try not to prioritize heroes lines, but for this one i'm going to. please forgive me amskhgkrrgkrgk. in her vanilla version, she talks about sewing charms for people she cares about, and she gives the one she's making to the summoner in her lvl40 dialogue as a way to show how they mean something important to her in a similar way to how she cares the world for alm. we also see in her valentine's day alt that she's preoccupied in thoughts of giving alm his favorite meats. to her, handmade gifts and gifts with thought put into them are how she expresses her affections consistently, though i'd also say her secondary love language is acts of service given she joined the military to help lessen alm's burdens.

DEW - even outside of game mechanics making it so he's going to be the one exchanging things between army members despite it normally being locked to married units only, dew also has the large majority of his in-game conversations revolve around him gifting an item of some kind. edain and lachesis, two people he gives such items to, we know he sincerely likes being around them, and gifting items is likely his way of being nice. we know from his belhalla conversation with jamke that it's out of character for dew to express himself through affectionate words, and i'm given the impression from his lovers convo with lachesis that he's shy about PDA, seeing as how when she alludes to their physical intimacy, he tries to curb that conversation.

COIRPRE - the way coirpre shows his gratitude to others is primarily through giving them things. coirpre is his most emotionally earnest and least put-together when in fe4 he is pleading with altena to let him cast a protective spell on her, describing how he has long seen her as the mother he never had. in fe5, when leif's company rescues him from almost being sent off to be sacrificed to the dark god loptous, coirpre makes sure to stop leif so he can gift him one of his impressive staffs, using that as a way to express how grateful he feels rather than through words. i would say while giving gifts is coirpre's primary love language, people choosing to be with him and getting to spend his life with them is also canonically what makes him happy, as can be seen in his ending where he has nothing to inherit and he's described as the happiest boy in jugdral for getting to stay with his adoptive father. he treasures his father for always being there for him, and he treasures altena for much the same reason. if gifts is his primary love language, then quality time is his secondary one.

QUAN - the gifting of gáe bolg, house leonster's treasure, seems to be something that's just a Thing in his family line so i won't put too much stock into it, though i do think that conversation is one of the more openly romantic conversations between him and ethlyn in-game. besides that though, we know from one of leif's lover convos with nanna in fe4 that one of the most romantic things quan did in his life was take ethlyn into miletos and pick out a tiara for her as a symbol of his love, so much so that leif even believes he ought to follow suit and do the same for nanna.

PELLEAS - while i am also a staunch believer in that pelleas has words of affirmation as a big love language for himself, i can't ignore how much gift giving is a part of his characterization LMAO. he gives a brave sword to his army to show his appreciation; gives daein's treasured weapons to nolan, leonardo, and edward; and he gives a promotion item iirc to micaiah all for the same reasons. pelleas always defaults to giving people things to express his care, and he sees it as an important way to reveal one's feelings too given how for the brave sword, he asks micaiah to be the one to give it in his stead because he worries about starting drama by showing favoritism to any one soldier. there is no such thing as an innocent or simple gift to pelleas; if he gives you something, he's putting weight into it. where words might fail him and he doesn't necessarily believe himself to be worthy of taking up someone's time, he'll make sure to at least send something to show his heart.

[dreamiehrs]

jealousy issues ➛ h.rj

genre: jealous!renjun, fluff, maybe a lil angst, best friends to lovers, you’re oblivious and renjun’s annoyed lmao, high school au, bestfriend!renjun

pairing: renjun x you

requested: yes

note: hihi! this was requested by this beautiful anon! I actually found this request pretty interesting bc I had to think of how renjun would be jealous... so I hope you enjoy it! ty for requesting :) (gif credit: @renjunhuang​)

you and renjun have been besties since... god knows when

just kidding, you and him have counted the years and it’s been around six years

aka since sixth grade!! you two met in math class when the teacher put you beside each other

that was probably her worst decision, to be honest... his witty remarks, which you always tended to bounce back and forth with him about, left the teacher in an annoyed mode the rest of the day

you guys were good students, though. so she wasn’t *that* annoyed, you know?

naturally, you guys started to learn more about each other and figured out you guys like a lot of the same stuff!! this led up to you guys exchanging numbers and hanging out almost every other weekend

your hangouts with renjun were something you always looked forward to

he never failed to make you laugh with his clever words and his sense of humor

as the two of you got older and went into high school... it seemed like everything had changed between you two

obviously, you two were still besties and nothing would change that, but as the two of you grew up together, sometimes you would find yourself thinking that renjun has... dare you say... gotten attractive over the years?

his features had become more molded and he’s started dressing more... impressively...  the latter probably because you told him what style of clothing you liked guys to wear

you would mentally smack yourself whenever you thought of him that way, though. you shouldn’t be thinking of one of your best friends like that, right?

you would have your occasional crushes throughout high school, and he would, too

however, your flirting skills were at an all-time low, so you would never act on your crushes. you would just wait for them to pass by and not really be phased by it

renjun would tease you non-stop about your crush (if you had one at the time)... but at some points during you two’s convo he would seem... kind of stormy

like one day, during sophomore year, you plopped down in front of him at your lunch table

“how is my wonderful best friend doing today?” you asked as you took a bite of your sandwich

“terrible, now that you’re here.” he would bite back, but you were unphased as you stole one of his grapes

“oh shush, you know you love me.” you wiggled his eyebrows at him and he just gave you a look of disgust (in a loving way of course)

you then went on your rant about how much you admired upperclassman na jaemin, about how kind and caring he was, all that stuff

renjun’s mood and his smile quickly had fallen after he heard that boy’s name fall from your mouth

you didn’t seem to notice as you kept rambling, but you did spot his clenched fist which rested on the lunch table

“injunnie, you okay?”

his nickname snapped him out of his trance as he stood up and gathered his things

you just looked up at him, your eyebrows knotted in confusion

“where are you going?”

“you know, y/n, if you want to gush about your crush, how about you do it to someone else, alright?”

after his outburst, he quickly strode away from you and left you sitting at the lunch table, all alone

what just happened?

after you got home after school today you thought a little bit before hearing your phone chime

you unlocked it to see a text from renjun

injunnieヾ(❛ε❛“)ʃ: I’m sorry for my little... outburst earlier today. it was a really stressful day for me and I ended up letting it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that

you: ...it’s okay. promise you won’t get angry when I mention jaemin?

injunnieヾ(❛ε❛“) ʃ: I’ll try not to

you were still concerned after you guys cleared everything up... something just didn’t... sit well with you... ya know?

it took all of your brain to agree on this, but you had decided to try to stop liking jaemin

you didn’t want to lose your friendship with renjun, so it would be for the best, right?

you still had crushes after this, though. in junior year you were infatuated with the school’s star wrestler, lee jeno

renjun stayed his usual protective self and would nag you every five seconds about your crushes... at one point he said something along the lines of “you’re too good for them.”

“don’t flatter me, injunnie,” you replied and brushed the warm feeling in your chest away by pinching his cheek instead “what happened to my impolite friend, hmm?”

he almost decked you after this but someone’s presence at the end of your table made him decide not to

your cheeks went bright red and you quickly removed your hand from renjun’s cheek. he just scoffed and you sent him a pointed look afterward

you tried to telepathically send him a distress signal as jeno got closer to you two with every passing moment, but you knew you were toast when jeno finally sat next to you

“hi, y/n. so... I have a wrestling tournament tonight, and I was wondering if you were interested in coming to watch me.”

you could feel renjun’s eyes watching you intently but you were too excited with jeno sitting next to you “it depends on if I’m busy, but more than likely, I’ll be able to go.”

“okay, great. see you there.” he gets up excitedly and acknowledges renjun before striding back to his table

you lie your head on the lunch table, peering up at renjun “what am I gonna do, injunnie?”

“what do you mean ‘what am I gonna do?’ go see him tonight, dummy.”

“...injunnie you’re acting strange. do you have a fever or something?” you put your palm up to his forehead and surprisingly, he lets you

a small, but sad smile covers his face and you feel a pang in your heart

“just trying to get over someon- I mean, something.”

your heart felt heavy the rest of the day after renjun told you that

something was deeply wrong, and you were going to figure out what that ‘something’ was

you dialed jeno’s number and informed him that you weren’t able to go. his goodbye sounded more upset than you had expected, but you didn’t let it get to you as you texted renjun

you: meet me at my house in twenty. we’re having a well-needed movie night tonight

injunnieヾ(❛ε❛“) ʃ: what about jeno?

you: I canceled on him

injunnieヾ(❛ε❛“) ʃ: oh

you: yeah

you: pick up snacks nerd!!

injunnieヾ(❛ε❛“) ʃ: you really wanna be smacked tonight, huh?

you took no time getting in setting up the living room for movie night

cue the tons of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals you tossed on the couch in the living room

yes, you two still made pillow forts... yes, they were very comfortable...

while you were hitting the ‘on’ button for the tv, you heard three knocks on the door, which meant renjun was here

you quickly opened the door and headed back to decorating the couch, leaving him standing in the doorway

“psst! yn! a little help here?”

you hadn’t noticed that he had four full bags of snacks in both of his arms

“sorry buddy, can’t you see I’m busy over here?” you teased and you heard him huff before closing the door with his back

he set down the bags of snacks near the pillow fort you had constructed before meandering over to you

you can feel his eyes on you and you look up at him “what?”

“why did you cancel on jeno?”

“let’s discuss this in our cozy pillow fort, hm?” you lightly take hold of his hand and lead him into the pillow fort, which is beautifully decorated by yours truly :)

you take a deep breath before starting: “okay, so I canceled on jeno because I knew something was up with you. every time I would mention my crush, during the past and now, you always seem to get upset afterward.”

he stays silent, and you take both of his hands in yours in an attempt to get an answer out of him

“is it something that I did? was I being too dense again? please, just tell me.”

your heart’s beating a mile a minute with how anxious you are and renjun doesn’t help slow it down when he responds with: “I love you, y/n.”

after those four words left his mouth, you were now awfully aware of all the physical contact you were making with him, but you didn’t dare move your hands from his “w-what?”

“I’m in love with you, y/n,” he repeated, out of breath this time “I’ve been in love with you since freshman year, even though you were really cringy in that year.”

you giggled and lightly kicked his shin before he continued: “then when you started talking about all these crushes you’ve had I started getting... jealous. I couldn’t help myself sometimes, and it didn’t help that you went on and on about them...”

“...I didn’t say anything about your crushes...”

“that’s because the only person I’ve had a crush on is you.”

“...oh.”

the air starts to become awkward and you start internally freaking out

“you know what? just forget everything I just said. I-”

“injunnie, no. the truth is, I like you too.”

you can see from his facial expression that he’s trying to process this new information “wait, what about your past crushes, and your crush now?”

“jaemin was an actual crush of mine. I did have an interest in jeno, but you being jealous diverted my attention from the said boy. you’ve been giving me butterflies in my stomach since last year, but I’ve been suppressing my feelings in fear of ruining our friendship.”

“wow, we’re really both fools, huh?” you swat the top of renjun’s head “okay, okay, I’m joking.”

“after all that emotional drama, let’s go binge-watch movies now!” you drag him out of the pillow fort and onto the couch, where you two laid on top of the other as you turned the tv on

while you were finding a movie to watch, renjun pressed a soft kiss to the side of your cheek before whispering: “I love you, y/n.”

you felt your heart melt before mumbling back: “love you too, injunnie.”

[thisaliennerd]

Healing at Hollyhill

(Read on AO3 -  There’s no romantic stuff here, just ex-spouses being friends, but Sandra Lynn is Sandra Lynn, and I think we all know the proposition she makes, so you know, there’s that.)

Summary:  Have you ever wondered what Gilear and Sandra Lynn’s convo was like while the Bad Kids were having their shrimp party? Well, here’s a little snippet of that heart to heart.

~~~

Honestly, whatever is going on in the house should be supervised, but what adult wants to supervise a bunch of drunk, extremely powerful, loud teenagers, that they technically work for? They’ll be fine. How weird can it get?

Sandra Lynn sighs, leans her head back against the seat of the van, and closes her eyes. “They’re going to remember to pull out mattresses, right?”

Gilear smiles, “Sure.” 

“That’s comforting.”

“They’ve handled it every other time one of them has been possessed. They will be fine.”

“Mmm…”

Gilear leans forward, studying Sandra Lynn’s face. “So, what’s up with you?”

She opens her eyes, looking down at him. “What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything. We’ve just been talking a lot about me. What’s your deal?”

She sighs again, rubbing her face. “You want to know what my deal is? You want to know my business? Fine.” She leans forward so that her face is inches from Gilear’s, staring deep into his eyes. “Jawbone and I broke up.”

Gilear smiles softly and sits back. “I’m sorry.”

She looks down at her hands. “No, it’s ok. It’s what I deserve. I’m a fuck up.” 

“Well, sure, but look who you’re talking to.”

Sandra Lynn exhales softly in amusement. “You’re not a fuck up.”

“Sandra Lynn, look at me for a second,” Sandra Lynn looks up at Gilear. “I was stuck,” she starts giggling, “under the van,” he smiles too as she continues to giggle, “with an apple in my mouth,” Sandra Lynn is fully laughing now, “for a full day.” She laughs even harder. “And no one even noticed.”

Sandra Lynn’s laughter ebbs and a sadness reappears in her eyes. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that…”

“I see what you’re doing. It’s fine. There was a lot going on. Let’s not shift this back to me.”

Sandra Lynn whispers, “...damn it.” She looks up at him, “We broke up because I cheated on him. Multiple times.” Gilear raises an eyebrow, but Sandra Lynn just holds up a finger. “I don’t want to talk about it. But yeah, it happened, and we broke up. I fucked up another relationship, and yeah. That’s it. That’s all there is to it.”

“Is it?”

“What?”

“Well, in my experience of you,” 

Sandra Lynn shakes her head a little, smiling wryly, “Mmhm…” 

Gilear continues, “When you feel like you have fucked up and made a mistake, you tend to double down on it.”

Sandra Lynn barks out a laugh, “You know what, no! I don’t think that’s true, actually.”

“No?”

“No, I think when I’m faced with the actual consequences of my actions, I back down and try to get my shit together.” 

“Really? Because I remember an incident where you were begging me to stay when you really should have been talking to Fig.”

Sandra Lynn slaps a hand over her heart. “Ow, Gil, Jesus!”

“I’m sorry, that felt mean.”

“No, you’re right, that did happen, but then you yelled at me, and I got it together and took responsibility. Look, what I’m saying is what causes me to get drunk and go fuck someone I shouldn’t is usually a feeling of having too much responsibility that I can’t handle, feelings of guilt, or feelings of being unworthy, so then I do fuck up, and that amplifies and confirms those fears, and that creates a vicious cycle of feeling terrible about myself and continuously messing up. However, when I’m confronted by the people that I’ve hurt and betrayed, it makes me want to change and be better, so I try and I build back up, but then I end up in that position of having responsibility and shit, and I crash back down again. So it’s a cycle, and me being better actually just restarts that cycle.”

“Maybe that’s because you aren’t dealing with the root of the problem.”

“God, don’t get all cryptic on me. Just say what you’re going to say so we can move on.”

Gilear smiles a little and nods, “Maybe, the problem is that your “attempt to be better” is fueled by self-loathing instead of a genuine desire to change.” 

“What the fuck? Who are you?”

“Someone who up until very recently exclusively made decisions fueled by self-loathing.”

“How could I not hate myself, though? I have fucked up every good thing in my life because I have no self-control and don’t know how to deal with responsibility. It’s never anyone’s fault but my own. For you, it was my guilt over you leaving Fallinel for me, over not wanting kids, and feeling unworthy of your love. For Jawbone, it was the realization that I was failing Fig, the knowledge that four kids are now relying on me for a home, looking to me as a parental figure, and then coming along on this mission, it brought back so many memories of adventuring, needing to be a role model, and then just a deep, deep fear that Fig might be following down the same path as me. You know, with the drinking and drugs and making out with old men. I just feel so out of control as a parent, as a human. And that makes me do stupid things. I have every reason to hate myself.” 

“Yeah, sure. I’m an adult man who almost exclusively eats yogurt. On the surface, there’s no reason that we can’t loathe ourselves and live sad lives. Except that’s not true. There is one reason why we can’t do that.” Sandra Lynn looks curiously up at him, and Gilear simply says, “Fig.”

Sandra Lynn looks curious but doesn’t speak.

Gilear continues, “The only thing that is preventing me from just succumbing to my pathetic life is the knowledge that Fig would try to pull me out of it if I did. She has put her time and energy into trying to make my life better, and it shouldn’t be that way. We should be doing that for her, but instead, she’s trying to do that for us. It would be cruel to her for us to force her to work harder to keep us afloat. I think if there’s anything we can do for her, it’s to try our hardest to be the best we can.”

“Holy shit…”

“She didn’t have to take us back into her life. She had every motive to continue to reject and hate us, but she chose to love is, and that is a magic in and of itself. I’m just a guy. There is nothing inherently special or magical about me. But Fig choosing to love me makes me special, and I’d be a fool and a coward not to try my hardest to make that choice worthwhile for her.”

“Damn...yeah. 

“We owe her. She’s not going to give up on us, so it’s irresponsible of us to give up on ourselves.”

Sandra Lynn tears up, “She’s so good. Such a good person. We don’t deserve her.”

“Of course we don’t. But she’s chosen us.”

Sandra Lynn looks at Gilear, wipes her eyes, and softly says, “I love you.”

Gilear sighs, “I love you too.”

There’s a long pause. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s peaceful. And then Sandra Lynn looks up at her ex-husband, a mix of sadness, longing, regret, love, and amusement fill her eyes, and she says, “Wanna fuck?”

Gilear bursts into laughter, Sandra Lynn smiles and chuckles lightly, the look on her face now a mixture of genuine earnestness and dry comedy. 

Gilear gently shakes his head, "No." 

Sandra Lynn smiles sadly, the knowledge that what they once had is gone settles in both of their minds, and she says, "Didn't think so, just thought I'd ask."

There's a moment of comfortable silence, and then Sandra Lynn looks back at Gilear with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, and says "Are you sure?" She gestures up and down her body, "I mean, you're turning down this?" 

Gilear smiles awkwardly and a little sadly, "I don't want to rub salt in the wound…" 

Sandra Lynn sticks her tongue in her cheek, smiling in that slightly bitter, sarcastic way, “Uh, huh…”

“But, I...have a girlfriend.”

Sandra Lynn lets out a heavy exhale, “Yeah...damn.” She shakes her head, laughing a little.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. You do have a girlfriend.”

“I know you don’t particularly like her.”

“No, Hallariel is…” She pauses, searching for words. Gilear snorts and they both start laughing. 

Gilear shakes his head, “I understand that she can be...difficult.” Sandra Lynn raises an eyebrow. “And I know that it looks bad that she didn’t notice I was missing, but in her defense, no one did.” 

“I don’t know, Gil. You live in her garage.” 

Gilear laughs a little, “I know, but it was more that my apartment was dangerous to live in, but it was really too early to move in together, so she offered to let me live in her garage, and I said yes. I know you tend to move in with your partners immediately,” Sandra Lynn rolls her eyes and laughs a little, “But most people wait a while.”

Sandra Lynn sighs, “I mean, sure. All I’m trying to say is I feel like every time I’ve seen you two interact, I just get so sad for you.”

“Yeah, I...listen, Hallariel Seacaster is one of the most deeply selfish people I have ever met."

“Reeaalllyy selling it there, Gil.”

He sighs, smiling, “I wasn’t done. Hallariel is an extremely selfish person, but she hates herself for it. She feels like her fear over living for centuries made her push people away. And because of that, she feels like she’s been a bad partner and a failure of a mother,” Gilear looks over at Sandra Lynn, “Stop me when this sounds familiar.”

Sandra Lynn gasps, “Oh my god!”

Gilear smiles, “You and Hallariel are similar in more ways than either of you would like to admit.”

Sandra Lynn shakes her head. 

“That being said, you are also very different people. You are not a bad mother. You’re a flawed person with a traumatic past, but you’ve done your best. That isn’t the case for Hallariel. I don’t want to...reveal anything that I shouldn’t, but unlike you, she didn’t try to be a good mother. Her fear over losing another child,” Sandra Lynn raises an eyebrow and winces and sighs, “Whelp, ol’ Gilear already fucked that one up, but yes, losing another child, and the knowledge that she would outlive her husband, caused her to shut herself off entirely. She very deeply regrets that choice. She claims that the thing that she found, I don’t want to say attractive because I don’t think that anything about me can be called attractive,” 

Sandra Lynn laughs, but looks a little sad, and says, “I find you attractive!”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity! I do find you attractive.”

Gilear sighs deeply, “Sandra Lynn…”

“I’m sorry, did you miss the offer I just made you?”

“Yeah, but that kinda felt like a “I just broke up with my boyfriend and need a distraction and you are literally the only other adult here” kind of situation.”

Sandra Lynn snorts, “I mean...sure. But I do find you attractive, and it was a genuine offer.”

“Fine, well, regardless, she says that what drew her to me was Fig. Or more specifically, my love for Fig. I am willing to put my well being and often my life in harm’s way for Fig, and she fundamentally can’t understand how to do that, but she wants to. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with that, I don’t think I’ve been much of a father for years, but she believes that I am a good parent and she admires that about me, I suppose.”

“You are a good dad, Gil. You’ve always been a good dad. And you always will be. It’s something I’ve always loved about you.” Sandra Lynn sighs, closing her eyes, “Look, I know we’re trying not to shit on ourselves today, but the longer we’ve been on this trip, the more I’ve realized that the only thing keeping Fig from being me is you. You know what I mean? Because that kid has picked up, frankly, far more of my coping mechanisms than I’d like. But the one thing that is keeping her from becoming me, is her undying loyalty to the people she loves, and she didn’t get that from me. She got it from you. Fig cares so deeply and loves so fully that it prevents her from falling to that cycle of betrayal and infidelity. You taught her that by loving her in that way, and I cannot thank you enough for that. So if that’s the reason that Hallarial loves you, I’d say it’s earned.”

Gilear smiles softly, “Well, thank you.”

“It’s true.”

“I stand by what I said, as well. You’re not a bad mother. You’ve taught Fig so many things that I couldn’t, you can relate to her. You know what she’s going through. And you are able to physically protect her in a way that I can’t.”

“Yeah, you gotta be good at something, I guess.”

“You’re good at a lot of things.”

“I’d rather be good at being a person." 

"And I'd rather not die every other day. We both have things to work on. But we have a motive, so let's do it for Fig."

"Yeah. For Fig."

And Sandra Lynn and Gilear sit together in the van, Sandra Lynn puts her hand on Gilear’s knee, and there they stay, chatting in a calm healing way until sunrise.

[cordoniasmost]

Crash and Burn - Part One

Story: MoTY

Pairing: Guy x Vanessa / Thomas x MC

Word Count: 1512

Warnings: Graphic death, NSFW, language

Summary: Post-trial, Guy and Vanessa go on a trip that doesn’t end like they think it will.

Author’s Note: I know, I know. The pairing is giving us all WTF vibes, but hear me out. No way will PB give us the satisfying death Guy and Vanessa deserve so I wanted to write it out here. This was inspired by a convo with @desiree-0816​. Yes, I Googled “What are the worst ways to die” as research for this piece. You’re welcome. It’s going to be two parts.

(I tried to use the [more] feature but it wouldn’t work so sorry for the length in your feed...)

Tag List: @furiouscloddonutpeanut​ @averysheart-raleighsdick​ @dr-brianna-casey-valentine​ @desiree-0816​

The Hawaiian Islands.

Guy knew he’d end up here someday. Making millions of dollars selling snack foods to yuppies gave him the pathway to achieving the greatness he knew was always inside of himself. A satisfied smirk broke out across his face.

The flight took forever, but at no point had he wished for a co-pilot. As soon as his flight instructor began to insist he needed someone else to share the burden of this journey, he’d shut down.

Needed.

He scoffed. Like he was some helpless child. No, he’d show him. Now his gaze wandered across the horizon, taking in the lush, green landscape, and the turquoise water below his plane. The islands swept out below him, and from this altitude, he could see them all.

He glanced to the co-pilot seat, his eyes raking down the fiery auburn hair and slim figure of his only passenger. Guy still couldn’t believe she agreed to come along and leave her sons with their father. He planned to make the most of the opportunity now that he found himself single again.

He yelled into the headset both of them wore to hear over the buzzing of the plane’s engines. 

“Ready for this, V?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, turning her nose up haughtily. “I’m ready for some alone time on a white sand beach with a cocktail sipped from a coconut if that’s what you’re asking.”

He chuckled. “Sure. Alone time. That’s why you were all over me during the trial.”

She rolled her eyes. “I may have fought dirty, but it’s because I like to win, and I wanted that bitch of an ex-wife of yours to suffer. It had nothing to do with you.”

He turned back to the plane’s console, preparing to radio in their descent. “Right. My ex-wife forced you to blow me during the late-night trial prep sessions you insisted on.”

“I don’t seem to remember you complaining.” Vanessa turned back to stare out the window.

Guy grew hard at the memory of that night. This week, he’d convince Vanessa to be his fuck buddy at a minimum. He could be persuasive when he wanted something, and he always got what he wanted. 

As they approached the volcanic island, a shudder ran through the body of the plane, shaking Guy out of his thoughts. The constant beeping of an alarm rang out, filling the cabin with an unsettling energy. 

Just as he began to check the instrument panel, a sharp crack thundered through the plane, and it listed to one side, smoke billowing throughout the cabin.

“Oh, fuck!” he shouted, ripping his headset off. 

He couldn’t see, the smoke surrounded him entirely. His stomach lurched as the nose of the plane tilted downward, the sound of rushing air silencing the blaring alarm. He faintly heard Vanessa scream beside him, but the wind carried the sound away before it could really register.

“No, no, no,” he chanted, unsure what to do to fix the situation. His survival instinct kicked in, and he stood, running blindly to the back of the plane, hands stretched out before him searching for anything that could save them. He grabbed what felt like a backpack and, assuming it was a parachute, slung it over his back. 

Clipping the harness around himself, he yelled, “V! I’ve got a chute. Let’s get the fuck out of here!”

He hoped she heard him, but he’d be jumping in about thirty seconds with or without her. He groped his way to the emergency exit door, straining his muscles with effort as he turned the handle. He pressed against the door, but it didn’t budge.

Vanessa stumbled against him, gripping his arm. 

“Please tell me you found a way off this goddamn thing! I am not dying here with you!”

Guy briefly considered letting her find her own way off the plane but thought better of it when he remembered how her lips felt wrapped around his cock. If he made it out of this, he’d have to waste time finding someone else to spend the week with.

“I’ve got a parachute. Turn around,” Guy commanded, pushing her shoulder until she spun, pressing her back to his front. Guy clipped her into the harness attached to him. 

“We’ve gotta get the door off!” he yelled over the rushing air. The plane was precariously tilted at a sharp nose-down angle in a full dive, and he suspected they only had seconds before it slammed into the ground or, more likely, the ocean.

“What do we do?” Vanessa’s eyes were frantic and wild, her chest heaving with the effort to breathe through the panic.

“When I tell you to, shove your weight against the door.”

She nodded, and her body trembled against his, but he couldn’t focus on how good she felt right now. He needed to make sure they survived first, then he could go back to thinking with his dick.

“Ready? Push!” They ran the few steps to the door together and rammed their left shoulders into the heavy metal as hard as they could. The door gave way, and before Guy could process, they were free-falling through the sky, tumbling end over end.

He flexed his muscles, forcing his body rigid to stop the end-over-end rolling so he could take stock of their situation. He had never skydived before and had no idea what he was doing. 

Vanessa failed wildly, and he tried grabbing her arms to keep her still, but she was hysterical. 

She’s going to get us killed.

He pulled his hand back and slammed it across her face. She immediately went limp against her harness. 

So. Much. Better.

At least now, he could hear himself think. As he flattened them out, he glanced around, noticing how fast the forest-covered mountain was rising up below them. He threw his hand out, frantically searching for the ripcord to deploy the parachute.

That’s how these work, right? Fuck.

He’d only ever seen skydiving in movies, but it had to work. His movements grew more frantic as the seconds ticked by, and he realized he was quickly dropping into the center of what was apparently a volcano, the glowing red magma already giving off enough heat that the warmth coated his skin even at this distance.

He threw his hands as far back as he could, his shoulders aching with the strain of his muscles, and his joints popped as Guy pushed his arms to their limits, but still he came up empty-handed.

“FUCK!” he screamed into the vast sky surrounding him.

Beads of sweat broke out across his forehead as the heat directly below became intense. His mind became frenzied. His thoughts were no longer clear, scenarios running through his mind so quickly he couldn’t manage to focus on anything. Every idea that popped up dissolved almost immediately as it came in like a wisp of smoke blowing away in the wind.

Vanessa still laid unconscious against his chest, and he wondered if unbuckling her would give him momentum to propel himself away from the lava directly beneath him, lava which was now so close that his skin was dripping with sweat.

Guy made one last attempt to find the ripcord, shifting his weight to pull the bag to the side. Finally, he made contact, his hand closing around the black cord even as his skin began to blister. He yanked the cord and heaved out a sigh as the chute poured out of the pack on his back, spreading out and catching the breeze. His stomach dropped as he and Vanessa were jerked upwards.

Guy closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to try and slow his racing heart. His pulse slowed, and his eyes popped open in surprise as they began to swing side to side. He raised his eyes to the parachute and breathed in sharply as he took in the holes starting to form in the nylon fabric.

Smoke began to rise from the holes before flames licked up across the sail. His eyes dropped to below where the glowing orange magma bubbled and sparked, his heart rate skyrocketing again as he realized his last hope was quite literally going up in flames.

I’m going to die. Fuck.

The realization washed over him, and rather than his life flashing before his eyes, he got angry. 

How could this have happened to me? I’m Guy motherfucking Ledford.

Just feet stood between Guy and his end, and, as he began to roar, Vanessa suddenly regained consciousness, her screams piercing his ears. Neither of them could focus on anything but the immense heat overwhelming them now, their skin bubbling and melting as they sank further into the glowing orange liquid bubbling below.

Their cries of agony echoed off the rocky walls until silence descended once again, the peaceful quiet of the gently bubbling magma the only sound outside of the distant rhythm of waves crashing on the white sand. Their lives were now nothing but a series of memories easily forgotten.

[sparring-spirals]

Jester is Fine (spoiler she’s not)

aka my long ass Thing about Jester and her upbringing and also why I have so many feelings about her tendency to suppress negative emotions and IDK I JUST WANTED TO WRITE THIS SINCE HER BACKSTORY REVEAL IN EPISODE 8 LET ME LIVE.

Disclaimers: Im not entirely caught up yet but I know the primary plot points and bigger convos (thanks tumblr lov u). Neccesary spoilers will be tagged as I go down the post. Mostly spoils for ep 8? And I guess their Activity post blue dragon.

part 1 because whoops this got looong.

Okay, so we start at the beginning, at the very first backstory drop; because, Jester was the first person to give up her backstory, in its relative whole. Which makes sense! Right? Its not like she has anything to /hide/.  Because everything about her childhood was Fine. Great! actually, great, super great. Her mom loved her! So much! and she got an awesome room and got to play pranks on people and had the COOLEST BEST FRIEND EVER who taught her how to play even BETTER pranks, and like, it was awesome, even if-

even if she couldn’t /leave/ her bedroom and she needed to keep her existence a secret, and her mom sometimes was too busy to tell her stories or sing her to sleep, but sometimes she’d sit by the door and listen, so basically the same!

!!! :)

Even here- 8 episodes in, relationships still forming, a general hesitation to tread on anything too heavy- you see the unease on the rest of the party.

Caleb: So where were you at this point?

Nott: Just trapped in your room?

Jester: Well no, I wasn’t trapped, but you know- (*1)

Caleb: Did you get to go to the park? Did she read you stories, did she do the things that parents do?

Jester: She.. read me some stories! And a lot of times I would listen at the door and hear her sing.(*2)

Beau: Did she tell people about you?(*3)

Jester: *laughing* No.

Fjord: I imagine that would affect her business a little.

Jester: Exactly. I totally understand, she loves me so much. She really, really does. It’s just, you know, people frown upon courtesans with daughters.(*4)

Okay, so before anything else- we unpack this.

1: This is important to Jester- that she wasn’t trapped. Like, cmon, Jester has read books- SO many books, she knows all the stories, about girls being locked in high towers and- she’s not that! She wasn’t /trapped/ because she didn’t want to leave, not really. She wasn’t trapped, it wasn’t against her will, at all. (continued in 4)

2: The positive spin, the pause- and then the of course! In some form, it wasn’t exactly like how Caleb described,, but it happened! It still counts! (Also because this imagery broke my heart: a child jester, wanting to be sung to sleep or told a story but knowing her mom is busy, a young jester, alone, behind a door, listening to a song that isn’t for her but letting it wrap around her because-

because what else is she supposed to-

3: Putting this in because it makes sense Beau, of all people, asks this question. Beau who (Beau spoiler) was never the child her parents wanted, who was the disgrace, who was dropped in favor of a different child the moment they could do it, who was sent away and forgotten and will always live with the knowledge that she was a /disgrace/ to her family, a disappointment- something to be hidden. Looking at Jester; beautiful, bright, sweet Jester who is soft and easy and bright in all the ways Beau has never been- and thinking of her being hidden away, like a stain, like a disgrace.

4: This is perhaps the most important thing- that Jester isn’t upsetwith her mom because how could she be? Her mom loves her. So much. None of this was ever about making Jester suffer- god no, her mom always tried so hard to make Jester happy and comfortable and- her mom did good, her mom did a wonderful job, and she was just making the right decision.

Her mom loves her.

Her mom loves her.

And you know what? She does. So much. I haven’t yet reached them meeting Marion, but I do know that much; that her mom really loves her, so, so, so much. And thats part of what makes this so painful, and part of why its so vital that Jester always speaks of her childhood with a tiptoeing sort of cheerfulness, why she’s always so insistent that it was fine, it was fine! Because, if its not fine, if it wasn’t fine that she grew up locked in a room, no friends, no company, not supposed to ever leave- then its really not fine. It means Jester, despite everything she has tried to tell herself, is not fine. Was not fine. For years, then something was wrong, something was extremely wrong, and that means she has to face that, deal with it. More than that, if it wasn’t fine, then it means that her mom, her mom who loved her so much and tried so hard to keep her happy, failed. Her mom did bad. That not only did her mom do bad things for her- arguably to her, not only did her mom directly play a part in making things not fine-

her mother did bad. to her. This isn’t just about Jester, this isn’t just about how she was incredibly, achingly lonely for so much of her childhood and how badly she wanted friends, how she ached and burned for friends and just wanted someone, anyone, to be her friend, more than an oft-vanishing green cloak, she wanted people and friendship and companionship and she just wanted to not be alone in her room, traveler please please please-

This is about how she would have to know that someone who tried so hard to keep her happy, tried so hard to not hurt her, someone who truly, genuinely loves her, hurt her anyway.

And that, that’s the most painful part, because that’s always such a fucking difficult lesson to learn: That sometimes people can love you, really, genuinely love you, and still do you wrong. And knowing they hurt you will hurt them, and admitting that, admitting that is sometimes just as hard as the initial damage, and moreso for someone like Jester who so badly wants to believe the best in people, especially the people she loves, and who is at her core, a protector (tm Laura Bailey).

She will never, ever face the extent of her own pain if it means she can, even indirectly, shield someone she loves about from that pain too.

….

ok i dont have a good ending for this but uhhhh PART 2, COMING AT SOME POINT: Why Jester Lavorre knowing about everyone’s tragic backstories DEFINITELY means she wont be acknowledging her own issues anytime soon.

[artificialqueens]

Notebooks and Post-it's - Chapter 12 - (Branjie) - Thankyoumissvanjie

A/N I know… I’ve started a new fic and kind of forgotten all about this one. But here ya go. A new and angsty chapter - completely on brand for this fic. Enjoy my dears. <3

Summary:

“…”

The silence on the phone was very telling, but not what he needed now, sitting in his hotel room in the middle of the night.

“Bitch, you best be givin’ me some life hacks ‘bout now, cause I be freaking the fuck out,” A’keria looked at him unimpressed, as she was getting into drag. The facetime call one she had waited for, knowing that Silk had led their girl down a path of self-destruction.

LINK TO AO3

“…”

The silence on the phone was very telling, but not what he needed now, sitting in his hotel room in the middle of the night.

“Bitch, you best be givin’ me some life hacks ‘bout now, cause I be freaking the fuck out,” A’keria looked at him unimpressed, as she was getting into drag. The facetime call one she had waited for, knowing that Silk had led their girl down a path of self-destruction.

José held his phone tightly in his hand, hoping that if he wished it hard enough, he could teleport A’keria here. He needed her. He needed her wisdom and most of all he just needed her hugs.

“Vanj… you’re an idiot,” the sigh at the end spoke of motherly levels of disappointment and José felt his shoulders sag as it hit him how stupid he had been.

“Kiki, I know. But I be like the Titanic after the iceberg hit, I know it ha-happened, but now imma need you to help me be Rose on the float and not Jack!” José was still drunk, stumbling over the words, trying to find a way to explain it to her, so she understood.

“You need to sober up boo, your metaphors are messy,” she lowered her hand that was applying eyeliner to send her a raised eyebrow.

“Hoe, my whole life be messy. Like Mama, imma need more than just Cilit Bang to clean this shit up.” falling back onto the bed with the phone in his hand, he wished that there was some way to just unmess it all. To go back to the truce he and Brock had managed to keep during the broadcasting of the season.

“Lemme just get this straight. Y'all been fucking around for weeks, and then you went and gone all Branjie, like you back on the show.”

“Boo-“ José could feel the oncoming storm of a full-on A’keria takedown, and he wanted to end it before she really got going, but he was too late.

“I ain’t finished, and then your hoe ass decided to play the jealousy game and then it made him weird and now you ran away in the middle of the night cause you drunk and all up in your feelings… AND the tour hasn’t even begun yet? Chiiiiile.” She looked directly through the screen for a second or two, trying to communicate all the way from Chicago how dumb this all was.

“I know.” Even through his drunken haze, José could see that.

“Do ya? Cause I think you’ve out-Vanjied yourself. Like bitch?”

“But what I supposed to do when he all sad face and hot and… there,”

He missed him. So fucking much.

“Nothing. You do nothing,”

“I… can’t,” It felt impossible. Brock was his favourite drug, and he wasn’t ready to let go yet.

“Nah, you just won’t,” trust A’keria to see right through him and voice the real truth.

“Why you gotta read me this hard, Kiki?” Her words seemed to hit him hard, but at the same time it was refreshing, he knew that Silk would have joked and told him to go get that good dick.

“If you wanted to be patted on the back you would’ve called silk, boo!” For a second they both looked at each other before laughing hard, “so what’s your plan? You gon’ talk to him?” She patted some powder onto her face, almost done.

Her mug looking correct, as usual.

“I mean…” José couldn’t look at her face, knowing that he was stalling.

“Vanj. You an adult, you need to have a good damn convo with yo man,”

“Bitch, he ain’t my man!”

I wish he was though. Fuck, I wish.

“You sure ‘bout that?” That all telling, all willing Kiki eyebrow was back, daring José to talk back, “Vanjie, babe. You love him, it would break your heart if he found someone new. So go get yo man,” She smiled softly.

“He don’t love me,” José knew he sounded like a child. His voice low and quiet.

Just saying the words made his heart crack a bit.

“Bitch, how you know that?”

“We’ve only been together ‘cause of me. I inist-instig… I was the one setting it all up every time, while he always be looking like he want me to leave, but ain’t sayin’ it.” Brock always looked like he was confused as to why he had shown up, the post-it in hand as he walked into one of the many hotel rooms they had fucked in.

That was why José kept distracting him, kept on throwing himself at Brock, hoping that his body would make him remember how good they had been.

Last night had felt like a turn for the better, the soft touches and tender sex had made him feel hopeful.

Until Brock wouldn’t look him in the eye.

It had made José feel like a dirty secret, and that was why he had fled the room, his skin crawling and his heart heavy.

“Vanj…”

“I know I’ve played myself, and that I best let go of him, so I can stay on that floating door on the sea and blow in that whistle to get picked up from the icy ass water by someone,” Maybe Brock was his Jack.

Maybe he was just meant to let him the fuck go?

“Boo, we both know Rose could have moved a bit and there would’ve been room for Jack on that door. You best figure out a better haiku, cause this one ain’t working, Mama,”

“Bitich

“Hoe,”

“Grandma,”

“Child,”

“Love you, Kiki!”

“Love you too, Boo. Gotta go, but bitch. Talk with you man, Jesus!”

He ain’t my man.

“Chris Hemsworth thinks I’m a woman, I am so naturally-” Brock woke with a start as his phone rang loudly, answering the phone before he was even sure where the hell he was.

Why the hell was Nina calling him?

“Nina. Shit… I just woke up-what?”

“Could you open the door? I’ve been knocking for ages” She sounded slightly annoyed, but hearing her voice after a week apart was like a balm to his soul.

“What? You’re here?” Brock almost fell out of the bed, quickly grabbing some sweatpants. Seeing the mess of the room made the event of last night flash through his head.

Well. Fuck.

“Uh-uh and I got us breakfast, so open the door, Brock,” A knock on the door underlined her request, as she hung up, Brock quickly walked over to the door, his head throbbing from the drinks, the tears and everything else that happened in the last 24 hours.

Opening the door he came face to face with the sunny appearance of one of his best friends, her face clear despite the long flight she had just arrived from. In her hand, she was holding two cups of coffee and a paper bag that smelled like some kind of greasy pastry.

It almost made Brock weep with joy. The prospect of coffee was almost too good to be true.

Nina walked past him into the room, not verbally commenting on the strew clothes and covers, but just sending him a pointed look that spoke volumes. Dropping the food on a table she turned around and looked Brock up down, pausing on the bruises on his chest and the hickeys littered all over his neck.

“Well you’ve certainly looked better,” The soft look in Nina’s eyes making something inside of Brock crack, his need for comfort suddenly overwhelming.

“And hello to you, Nina,” Brock’s voice croaked as he walked towards her to get one of those perfect bear hugs that only she could give.

“Ew, Jesus. You smell like death, sex and liquor.” But she only hugged him tighter, maybe she could feel him shaking a bit, or just knew that he needed human contact that was not conditioned on it being sexual or temporary.

Tears sprang to his eyes. The events of the last few weeks finally catching up to him. A sob was caught somewhere in his throat, but Nina heard it.

Hugging him harder.

Softly shushing him, but never pushing.

Just being there.

They stood like that for minutes.

Nina’s hand softly running up and down his back, waiting until Brock leaned back, breaking the hug, as he wiped underneath his eyes.

She could see him trying to get back the iciness of Brooke Lynn, but failing at that he sent her a small smile and went with distraction instead.

“How about that coffee, huh?” He walked over to the table and took a long sip of coffee, feeling himself become less of a disaster and more human with every second.

“B… you need to figure shit out.” The sigh From

“You bought croissants, you babe!” Brock didn’t even have to fake his enthusiasm, as he felt almost weak with hunger, plus the idea of a flaky piece of french pastry seemed like the best idea right about now.

“You guys need to have an honest conversation.” He could hear that Nina had found her way to the couch, sitting down as she got ready to give him a Real Talk™

“Honestly, thank you. I haven’t had anything to eat since lunch yesterday, so really. Thanks!” He tried one last attempt at misdirection, hoping that Nina would take pity on his hungover body.

“Brock. Come on,” He turned around and walked over to the couch, with the paper bag and coffee.

“What is this, Nina? An intervention brunch? Have you given me croissants of lies?” He tried to keep a straight face, but seeing those big eyes filled with a mixture of mirth and worry, made him chuckle softly.

“Did it work?” She bumped her shoulder into Brocks, smiling softly, “Honestly, you are wasting away. You’ve lost weight, you look like you aren’t sleeping and Jesus, Brock. The alcohol?”

“I know,” He couldn’t look her in the eye. Knowing that he had promised her to take it down a notch.

Knowing that he had done no such thing.

“Okay. That’s the first step, but the question is, are you going to do anything about it? It hurts my heart to see you like this.” A hand covered his own.

Softly squeezing it.

“I just… I’m not ready for him to leave me.” His voice was small, his throat tightening as the thought of putting an end to this made his body clench in actual pain.

“He might not,”

“Oh, he will. Last night I thought we might have moved forward, it felt different. But then he left during the night, and I get it. I wouldn’t want my anxiety-riddled-entitled-bony ass either. But I want him…” He trailed off, not sure if he wanted to say it out loud, but knowing that he needed to at least voice his feelings to one other person “I… I fucking love him.” The pain in his body grew as he felt a lump grow in his throat.

He was not going to cry again.

“I know.” Nina’s thumb softly massaged the back of his hand, trying to convey some form of comfort. “But you’re being too hard on yourself. I know you think he spins gold with his ranting words and light up every single room he walks backwards into. Sure, It’s Miss Vanjie, it’s José, But Brock, you are not worth nothing. No, look at me!”

Brock finally looked up, seeing nothing but love and understanding in Nina’s eyes.

“You are passionate and loving and our current fucking reigning. If he doesn’t want to get with you, well good riddance,” There was a fire in her eyes, and Brock felt so lucky to have her in his life.

But.

“But I-” How could he make Nina understand that he was so scared of that exact possibility. That the idea of José not wanting him back was too painful, too real and too probably.

“No buts. Seriously. Talk. To. Him!”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

Last time they had been in an elevator together they had almost ended up just having sex in there.

This time was different.

This time it was awkward.

It was complete happenstance, that they had both ended up on this exact ride. Both of them seemed to almost vibrate with nervous energy as the numbers on the display slowly decreased.

“Righ-”

“So-”

“Oh, you go-

“No, you”

They both turned to look at each other, softly chuckling.

Both trying to make the other start talking, none of them wanting to be the first one to say the words. Brock felt nauseous as if he was going to throw up any second, the nervous energy inside the tiny metal cage travelling downwards doing nothing to calm his anxiety.

“So. The others be arriving today,” José almost spat out the sentence, needing there to be some kind of talking.

“Yeah, I am reall-”

“Let’s end this, Mami.”

Brock’s heart burst into a thousand pieces.

“I… If that’s what you want?” He felt completely removed from his body, as he heard himself answer calmly and softly.

As if his heart hadn’t stopped working.

His eyes were burning, but he blinked hard.

Forcing himself to be calm.

He could cry later. Now was not the time.

“I just don’t need this to screw with the gig ya know?” José seemed completely unaware of the destruction he had just wrecked on Brock. Smiling softly at him, as he gave his explanation.

“No, Yeah. I… I get it. It’s fine,” He hoped that his acting skills were more convincing here than they had been on the show.

If this was what José wanted, then Brock just had to endure and accept it.

Even if it killed ihim

With a ding, the elevator doors opened and José was the first one to step out, seemingly in a hurry.

“Imma see you there, hoe!” He called after him, not looking back as almost ran out into the lobby.

Brock was frozen in the elevator. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t think.

The doors closed before he managed to make his body respond to him.

I knew he would leave.

I knew it.

[jedimasteramell]

A/N: So Im an absolute mess thanks to the snippits of the post-auction convo. hey @queerspeculativefiction you totally ruined me and Im going to live in the hopeful delusion that everything will work out without hurting everybody. 

Fallen Hero //  Puppet/Mortum // Post-Auction // SFW

With a M!Mortum, and an M!Puppet, using my canon’s names. Spoilers obviously. 

------

This was never going to be easy. But you had to make it harder.

And you're going to pay that higher price.

You invited Dr. Mortum out, not to Joes, but another private (and admittedly quieter) hole-in-the-wall. Besides, there were too many memories at Joes. Too many fond and painful memories.

Maybe it was as security, taking him out to a semi-public space. Maybe it was respect, giving you both the chance to step away without the added bitterness of watching the other leave a trusted place. Maybe… maybe it was to make the distinction, the separation, the truth, unmuddled and new.

You should have never fallen in love with him.

Abel had always been your refuge, but right now you wished more than anything he were also a telepath. Stuck in the quiet claustrophobic space of your own brain, the only voice is your guilt screaming and screaming at you.

Fiddling with the napkin, you brush off the waitress that asks for the 3rd time if you wanted a refill on your drink. You just shake your head, watching the ice slowly melt and wish you could do the same. She hesitates, stuck somewhere between the ingrained training of her job and the human instinct to ask of you’re alright. With no response, she steps away. You're glad, well, thankful at least. You couldn’t take that kind of empathy right now, even head-blind.

The good doctor arrives precisely on time. His sharp eyes narrowing affectionately as he catches sight of you in a shadowed booth. You can’t help the way your heart flutters and the ghost of a smile that breaks your facade at the sight of him. He chose to dress up slightly today, a bright turtleneck instead of a tee shirt, though he’d be wont to leave off his lab coat. You both have joked about that, never shedding the skin of scientist, and the memory forms a lump you can't swallow. The knot in your throat only tightens when he sits, taking your hand in his to kiss your knuckles.

“Ma cherie.” His eyes twinkle in greeting, slowly sobering at the deadened expression you wear. “Not your usual tastes.” He spares a second to study the restaurants pallid interior then shifts back to you, unmasked concern growing in his dark eyes.

You suddenly can't look at them.

“What’s wrong Abel?” His words are a murmur, full of an emotion you never dared give name; your name, your lie, a cold cruel knife to the gut. “Is it your employer?”

How right he is, as always. Your fingers feel heavy as lead, heavy as your heart, still wrapped in his, wrapped up in him.

You were never supposed to fall in love, and especially not with someone at the end of the day you barely know. Not about the important things anyway, not his real name, or his past, or where he studied. Just the soft stuff, like the specific temperature he takes his coffee at, the way his brow knits when he encounters a particularly frustrating problem, where to touch him to elicit a laugh, and how his expression, at once both masked and heart-baringly open, shifts when emotion and clinical logic fight for focus on his face.

Just like he’s looking at you now.

You manage a nod, swallowing down the stone in your throat. “It is.” The weight settles back uncomfortably in your stomach.

He waits for you to continue, always the concerned partner, and you will your voice a semblance of steadiness. “I… I want… no I need, to tell you the truth. About them, about me.”

Concern and curiosity in equal measure knit his brow. “I’m listening ma cherie.”

“Remember, months ago, back at the gala? In the hospital I told you I’d been in a coma? I was in it for a long long time.” You’ve been dropping hints a long while, maybe a part of you wanted him to figure it out before it came to this.

He nods shortly, dark eyes never leaving your face.

“And even before, when I told you I called the Special Directive on Psychopathor and that I wanted the best?”

Another sharp nod.

“Its connected see. My boss. Napoleon. I….. We, we’re the same person.” There, you said it. If truth was supposed to set you free, then why did you feel like you’d be sick? You tried for a smile; it failed miserably. Instead your heart pounds in your ears and you imagine every ounce of despair shows etched on the face that's become more real than your own.

He’s silent for a long time. Then finally, quietly, “You're not a telepath ma cherie.” His fingers twitch around yours.

You swallow. Hard. “No, I'm not.”

You can see all the pieces finally coming together for him, and it's almost worse that you lacked the courage to say it out loud. To admit this body had always been a shell, a pretty puppet, no matter how real you’ve felt in it..

Mortum sets your hand down on the table.

The lack of contact never hurt so much.

He laces his own fingers together resting them against his nose, obscuring half his expression. What is left on display is a conflict behind his eyes that scares you. There is an icy edge to the anger there, the betrayal, and you're instantly reminded the man before you had once been a true villain.

It hurts and it's both raw and new and distant and familiar. That level of disapproval, of distrust and disrespect, it reminds you of the Farm, and it breaks what's left of your heart.

“I’m glad that’s finally out in the open, Napoleon.” The name is laced with venom coming from him, the same viciousness you saw the night of the gala as he carried Abel’s empty form to safety. “Who knows how long I’d have let you continue to use me.”

“Mortum, I-”

“No.” He doesn't have to hold up a finger to shut you down. The withering glare did that by itself. “We’re done, I'm not hearing any more lies.”

“Just let me explain.” You cry, reaching for him before he’s the chance to move beyond the table as he stands. You catch his sleeve in trembling fingers, the speed of reflexes from years in aikido. “Please.”

Maybe it was the sound of your -Abel’s- voice, maybe it was an acknowledgement of all the months you’d shared together, but he stopped. No words came with the frigid look. Out of respect for what you’d had, he was sparing a final moment.

Better make it good.

“I’ve always been honest with you.” Not that that has much credibility now. “And Abel- I-” You shiver, there's another secret that you've never shared, not even to Ortega, but you know he’ll understand. “I’ve always been more me in this body,” Your whisper shakes along with your shoulders, the only thing holding back inevitable tears the impossible sound of your admittance. You became Cain, you christened yourself as you should have been, but there was always more than just your tattoos that made you feel wrong. “How I’m supposed to be. How I'm not in Napoleon’s. This body is right.” You stress the last word, hoping, praying.

You can’t breathe.

Something imperceptible shifts in his face. The anger is still there, the hurt, but there’s also an understanding, one deep and visceral, and impossibly close to home for him as well. A fragment of tension leaves his shoulders as he extracts the cuff of his coat from your grasp. You feel the cloying still weight of the confrontation drop into unease and anxiety. The good doctor draws several steadying breaths. But when he opens his eyes, it's not acceptance you see, instead the anger has tempered into dark mistrust, edged with something reminiscent of sympathy.

“Just because I understand does not negate the truth.” His voice is far more even than yours, low and brittle. “I can’t see you now.” He doesn't specify if its in this moment or for the rest of your shared time in Los Diablos. “Good night…” There a lingering, a goodbye unfinished in the wake of not knowing how to address you. He doesn’t wait for you to reply. Not that you deserve him to.

You’re alone at the table. Just as you always have been. Just as you deserve for daring, for breaking his heart.

The ice in your glass is long turned to water when the waitress returns. She says nothing, you share nothing. You're just left with a devastating emptiness,

and the bill.

[transboygenius]

SE4SON: Chapter 8

[*The next day*]

Jimmy and Nick traveled down the path, dragging a heavy wheelbarrow behind them. Diana just led the way on her horse, telling stories the boys had no interest in listening to. They chose to ignore her as they talked among themselves. Ever since last night, the two have been getting along quite good. They shared their own stories, gave out their personal interests, and even exchanged embarrassing secrets. Nick told his first, just to make Jimmy feel less uneasy. To the boy genius's knowledge, they had a lot in common. He doesn't remember the last time he's had a fun chat with anyone. Usually, when he opens his mouth, out only came scientific factoids. However, what really puzzled Jimmy is that Nick never gave him word about his father. Nick just about told as much as he could tell, without going deeper. Him being gay, him having a crush on the boy genius, and the horrible trauma his father put him through.

"So... What was your dad like, Nick?" "As I told everyone, I don't even know the old man. I was very, very young when he was with us, so my memory isn't exactly stable." "Well, do you ever wonder what he's like?" "(Wonder? I know for a fact that he's a black hearted tyrant that deserves to choke and die) I know where my good looks came from, that's for sure. But, this is just a guess, he was probably a little bit hardheaded. Don't know any more about him, or heck, his full name as well." "Have you ever asked your mom? She likely holds more trivia on him. I mean, she was the one who married him." "Tried. She just doesn't like to talk about it. Don't know why. Look, Jimmy, do you mind if we change the subject? I feel like we're not getting anywhere in this conversation, about a person I never knew in my life. I just don't know him, that's all, end of story."

Nick didn't want Jimmy to know about his relationship with his father. If he told him, Jimmy might think he made up this sob story just for attention, or to gain his pity. Jimmy can be a very dubious boy. Plus, Nick's too embarrassed to express his life further on. He rather not have Jimmy involved into any of his family business. Nick lied that he didn't know his father's name, because the boy genius is sure to track down that man, and try to help Nick by reuniting him with his long, lost dad. Daniel has already made Nick's early childhood very unbearable for him, so the last thing he'd ask for is seeing his old man's mug re-enter his life. Nick's answer colored Jimmy curious. He said he was too young to remember anything about his dad. The boy genius presumed he was probably an infant by then. Why doesn't Nick know his own biological father's name? Why does his mom take it so personal? As much as Jimmy probes for a good explanation, he should know better not to meddle into someone else's family business. Mrs. Dean probably has a reason for withdrawing information from Nick.

Before long, the four of them (counting the horse) reached a huge wall, where the king's border shielded. The only way to get in is through the main gates, supervised by the royal guards. Since Diana left the border illegally, or doesn't carry any documents issued by the king himself, there's no way for them to pass. However, Diana made her own solution. Getting off of her horse, and dragging them alongside, she led the handcuffed boys to some piled up shrubs. Behind the shrubs hid an underground passageway dug under the border's wall. Diana placed the three sacks of loot onto the horse's back, while Jimmy and Nick had to pull an empty wheelbarrow, which is now refreshingly light. The inside was very dark, so Diana lit a lantern on the way. While the gang walked forward, Jimmy was a little anxious of what or who he might meet next, while Nick was looking forward to a much long break.

When they made it to the other side of the wall, they met with some dirt steps, and a trapdoor which brings about to who knows where. Diana gave it three knocks, and a high-pitched, nasally voice answered.

"Password!" "We don't even have a password." "Correct; You may enter!"

As the door opened, Diana and her horse walked up in, now in the kitchen of their homely hut.

"Diana! Butterscotch! You're back!"

Diana wasn't alone. Besides her horse, she was in the company of three people. Jimmy and Nick didn't expect it when they entered the room.

"And you smuggled some immigrants! Yay!"

Speaking of three people; One was a scrawny, short (but still taller than Nick), fifteen year-old girl with a visible overbite. Her hair was styled in pigtail buns, which resembled rat ears. Just looking at her, she kinda does look like a human rat. The voice, that answered to Diana earlier, belonged to her, and she seems to be very energetic.

"Oh my! Nice to meet you! Ya know, if I knew we'd be having guests, I would've had baked a pie!"

The other one appeared to be a slim man in his 30s, with a goatee beard. He was wearing a frilly apron, with a feather duster in his hand. Not much could be said about him, except he may be the only male in this house.

"What an unexpected visit! Did Diana happen to invite you young boys?"

The last one was a fat lady, who looked nice, but didn't seem to be too happy over Jimmy and Nick's arrival.

"...or did you just followed her here?"

The boys just got here, and already they made a bad impression to one of their new roommates. The human rat scurried over to them and sniffed at them.

"Thee two are very odd looking gents. Me like them already! They just like us!"

The human rat seems to take a liking to them. The boys decided to play it polite by introducing themselves.

"Salutations! I'm Jimmy!" "And I'm Nick!" "Oh! So we're introducing ourselves now? Okay! Sounds good to me! *Ahem* It's a pleasure to meet you, Jimmy and Nick! Me Oona! But to be honest, me hate that name! Me'd be much more happier if you called me Rodent Girl, thank you! By full name, that is." Greeted the human rat. "I am sir Benson! I'm in charge of all the manly work around here! Such as the cooking, the cleaning, and planting these pretty little pink posies in the garden!" Greeted the man. "And I'm Mitzi." Greeted the fat lady, in a stoic manner.

Mitzi caught her eyes on the chain between Jimmy and Nick.

"Pardon me, but may I draw the question as to wherefore thee boys are chained together? Did Diana happened to find you in some sort of a cellar or asylum?" "No, she rescued us from being burned at the stake." Nick replied, but that didn't make Mitzi look at them any differently.

"Mitzi, be not malapert to our new guests!" Said Diana. "These young gentlemen, thou are not gonna believe this, came from the future; the twenty first century! Isn't yond most wondrous? Oh, and as for the bilboes, this was just a did fail charm dissemble performance by some naive friend back home!"

All of them were amazed, but minus Mitzi.

"Is it true in the future they build carriages that no longer need to be run by horse power?" Asked Rodent Girl. "Yeah. They're called cars." Jimmy responded. "Cleaning machines that help pick up all the dirt and dust so sweeping isn't a hassle?" Asked Benson. "I believe you're referring to vacuums." "Metal people built by man that conflict havoc on humanity?" Asked Mitzi. "I think Jimmy invented that once." Nick joked, which earned himself a smack on the arm by the boy genius himself.

The boys then remembered the handcuffs.

"By the way, do you have anything we could use to unlink this chain?" Asked Jimmy. "Why don't you just ask Diana? Breaking that will be just cake for her!" Rodent Girl suggested. "We did. But then she told us the short story about some guy's arm she accidentally popped off."

Benson and Diana shared a small convo within themselves.

"Did you tell the lads that the man's arm was merely just a wooden prosthetic?" "No. I felt that would make me sound less hardcore."

Diana suddenly had an idea.

"I'll tell you what. My associate, Mitzi here, has studied and practiced the art of locksmithing! She could perhaps make a duplicate key to undo those shackles!" "Do I have to?" "Yes you will! These are our guests here!"

Having no choice but to approve of Diana's request, or demand, she told the two young boys to follow her. Luckily, Diana stayed behind them. They were too scared to be alone with that woman. She seems to look at them as if they were criminals. She wouldn't be, by any chance, working with the green hoods of Derryberry Everlanes? Maybe she'll have a change of heart once she gets to know them. That way, they wouldn't have to worry about her poisoning their milk.

............................

[*40 hours earlier, in another time*]

Sheen should've had warned Judy about Jimmy's new security system. However, she easily creamed it by reflecting the lasers into the cannons by using the mirror from her facial cream concealer, then she took on the guard bots in a little taekwondo, thanks to the lessons she took to not only protect herself but her family as well. After cleaning the security system's clock, she investigated the lab from top to bottom. And if she can't find him, she might as well pick up some clues that will maybe spell out her son's disappearance. She covered every area in the lab, knocked over some heavy machinery, and she even hollered for Jimmy's name at the top of her lungs. Despite making no progress, she continued searching. She hasn't seen her son in two days and she wasn't gonna stop until she finds him.

Poor Judy has lost her mind. She hasn't ate or slept. All she had on her mind was Jimmy getting hurt. This boy was her only child, and she won't rest on her little baby. So far, she's only covered the lab. Sheen did say this was the last place he remembered Jimmy went to. Since then, that was the only place she's checked, and right now, the lab looks like a tornado just hit it. Her husband tried to talk her out of it, but she's so Jimmy-crazed, she refuses to listen to anyone.

..........................

[*Five hours later*]

Carl Wheezer was putting on another magic show on his front lawn. Sheen, his assistant, was wearing a ridiculous feminine looking outfit Carl made for him. He has more audiences than he had last time, probably because he's starting to improve. ...or because they had nothing better to do, and the show was free, after all. There was only one adult in the audience. The only one who appeared to be enjoying the show was Bolbi. He's the one to clap when nobody else will. (And for some reason, one of the spectators was a measly Twonkie.) Today's performance, he borrowed a five dollar bill from a volunteer, cut it into tiny pieces using his scissors, then blanketed a cloth over it. After chanting his own original magic words, he pulled the dollar bill out, which was back in one piece again.

"THIS IS NOT MY DOLLAR, WHEEZER! THIS IS A COUPON FOR A FREE WHOLE FISHCAKE AT THE RAMEN BOWL!" "What?! A-heh, I'm sorry, Benny! I am TRULY sorry! I may be having some technical difficulties occurring at this moment! If you excuse me, I'd like to have a private heart to heart with my assistant here!"

Carl then grabbed Sheen by his bowtie.

"Sheen. You were suppose to put a five dollar bill under there." "I know. But when I looked into my wallet, all I had was three dollars, 76 cents, and that coupon, which to me, is worth as much as five dollars." "Why?" "You kidding me? You get to portion your own fish cake slices."

Benny was glaring at them, while angrily tapping his foot on the pavement. Carl and Sheen combined their money together, and paid him back the amount his original bill cost. Then he left.

"Sure wish Jimmy was here, Sheen. It's not the same not seeing your best friend watch you from the audience, especially under all this pressure. I was hoping he'd get a chance to witness my new tricks. Where is he, anyhow? He and Nick have been gone for three days." "Well, I don't know about Nick, but he might still be with Jimmy." "Possibly. I mean, we haven't seen him around anywhere. But I have met a few skateboard kids who keep breaking their legs frequently." "What is it, a trend now?" "I don't know. None of them even knew Nick, apparently. Hey, remember yesterday when you presumed that Jimmy may be in his lab, and said it'd be a good idea if one of us checked? Well, when I decided to check there after school ended, it was already occupied by Mrs. Neutron. She said she had everything under control, so I trusted her on that. Say, I wonder if she found Jimmy yet, cuz she's been down there for quite so long." "About how long?"

Suddenly, Judy Neutron came upon them, looking like she's gone through hell.

"Hi, Mrs. Neutron! You're looking extra beautiful today with the bright sun rays shining off of your lovely complexion." Said Carl, in his lovestruck mood from the sight of her. "Carl, I have been searching in my son's lab all day and through the night! My hair is out of shape, I'm covered in transmission fluids, I still haven't found my son, so don't try to suck up to me!" "No really! No amount of filth could ever mask your stunning beauty! Heck, you'd still look good even in that embarrassing t-shirt with a picture of your favorite 70s' sitcom character on it." "Carl Wheezer, PLEASE! I'm in no mood for th- How did you know I owned a 'Welcome Back Kopper' t-shirt?" "Um, ItsJustACoincidence! Sheen, she's all yours! And I don't mean that literally, by the way."

Carl pushed Sheen in Judy's direction.

"Hi Mrs. Neutron! Nice filth!"

Judy grabbed Sheen by the ear, as if he were her own son.

"Don't you 'Hi Mrs. Neutron' me! Now tell me what gives! You said that you remembered that Jimmy said he'd be in his lab! Well, I checked the lab, and guess what, he wasn't there!" "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Maybe he already left the lab. Ooohhh! Maybe Nick's mom has a clue!" "Nick's mom?" "Well, Nick happened to be with Jimmy, or rather, stuck to him, when they headed to the lab. They probably undid the handcuffs right now, so that's why they were in the lab." "Hmmmmmmmmm."

Judy took Sheen by the arm, taking him with her somewhere.

"Where we going?! Are we going out for ice cream?" "Nope! Since you know more than you think you do, you're gonna help me find my son!" "But, Mrs. Neutron! Carl needs me! And there's a rerun episode of Ultralord coming up in just an hour!"

Carl, feeling absolutely helpless right now, just waved goodbye to Sheen. And since his back was turned away, all of his audience got off from their seats, and walked away. Except Bolbi, of course.

.............

[*Meanwhile, back to the middle ages*]

The boys sat on the floor, since none of them could share a stool together, as they watched Mitzi smelt a new key before their eyes in just 5 minutes, thanks to the new supplies Diana stole. When done, she grabbed a hold of Jimmy's wrists and inserted the key into the hole. By just one turn, the cuffs fell off like it were the end of slavery. Jimmy and Nick rubbed their aching bare wrists in relief. It felt like months since they could move both of their arms. No more painful dragging, and they can finally give each other some space for once. They don't have to sit, or lie down, in uncomfortable positions anymore. As much as Nick loves Jimmy, even he can get tired over a little too much bonding.

"Thank you, Mitz! You're a real lifesaver!" Nick was grateful enough to thank. "I never planned to save your lives. And don't call me Mitz." But Mitzi seemed bitter about it.

Mitzi, feeling like she helped enough, exited the room just to be away from them.

"What's her beef?" Asked Nick. "Well, it could be the fact that both of you are men, or she just isn't use to having strangers around here, unlike us, where we are open to warm welcomes." Replied Diana. "Hope you're right about the second part, otherwise she's never gonna learn to like us." "Good luck on that; She can be a tough nut to crack. By the way, how long do you gents plan to stay with us again?" "Until we build something that could take us back home. I was hoping I could borrow some vital replenishments that are pertinent enough to engineer a fully operative time machine, and I would also need some hypothetical earthbound to constitute power into it, such as raw minerals or a strike of lightning. Maybe both." Jimmy exclaimed. "What he say? Is this some kind of future language?" "Nope. Cuz otherwise, I'd understand him." Said Nick. "I mean, the right tools and supplies I need for a brand new time traveling device." Jimmy clarified. "Ohhhhhhh, why didn't you just say so? You boys are welcomed to use anything in the hut's shed, just as long as you don't break them." "Yes ma'am." "And would it be okay if me and the gang visited the future with you fellows? From all those facts I've heard from you, it sounds exciting." "I don't think so. It could possibly affect the timeline. But if you like, we'd be happy to visit you occasionally." "Oh, stop it, you! I'm already getting attached!"

Diana has been very good to them, so it's the least Jimmy could do. The boy genius planned on inventing that new time machine right now, but finally being released from those prison cuffs, it's best to start tomorrow and just relax today. Jimmy is usually in a rush, but sometimes you just need to catch your breath. He can't just keep pushing himself to get work done. Jimmy has had this new perspective ever since that little heart to heart with Nick by the campfire last night. Speaking of Nick, what does he have in mind now that he was free?

.............................

Jimmy and Nick were both chilling outside of the hut, sharing more conversations together.

"So you were jealous of me back then?” Asked Nick. "It was just a phase. I mean, you had everything I wanted. You were good looking, and tall, and strong, and pretty much loved by almost everyone in school. As I grew older, I came to realize that I love myself just the way I am. All that popularity really isn't worth it." Replied Jimmy. "Glad you've come to your senses. There's really no reason to be jealous, because living the popular life just sucks. There's nothing really to do but to shut up and look pretty. You're lucky to have real friends. My friends, if I can even call them that, just like me for my qualities. When we play games, it's only for sport, not fun. As for all those girls, don't get me started with them. No matter where I go, they're always there. I don't even like girls." "Don't tell me you still believe in cooties."

Nick doesn't know how to answer to that. By giving the wrong response, Jimmy is sure to come on to him, about his secret. Thankfully, he was saved when Jimmy asked something else.

"Call me nosy, but why did you and Betty even dated? Not that I still care about her or anything. I swear I moved on." "We never really dated. The whole relationship was merely a sham. We only hooked up because that's what the school wanted, since she is the second most popular kid in school. The fact that we're both pretty, they thought we'd be perfect for each other. She didn't have a thing for me, and I didn't have a thing for her. We set that public breakup for our own sakes, and not to mention freedom." "Did she mention anything about me?" "Moved on, huh?" "Sorry." "Mind if I asked the questions now?" "Shoot." "Hope this isn't too personal, but what did you ever see in Cindy that made you realize you were in love? Wasn't she always mean to you?" "Gosh, I don't think science has an answer to that. Heh heh. Well... it could be from the aftermath of the love potion. Or maybe because we're both smart and we carry the same strategies. Plus, we make a pretty good team. ...when we're not arguing." "That's it?" "Mhmm. That's it." "Well, pardon me for being critical, but in my opinion, real romantic relationships are made out of healthy chemistry. It should be based on trust, understanding each other. Working things out. Not having more heated arguments than a middle aged couple. Also, physical and emotional harm will get you nowhere. It takes more to soulmates than having a lot in common." "I know. And that's the reason why I decided it was now over between us. We weren't necessarily all those things you just said. We were just unhealthy for each other. When it comes to science, it triggers us into warfare. I thought it would be best for us that way, even after all those heartwarming moments we've cherished, the times we stood by each other's side, and when we were trapped on an island together... Nick, do you think I've made a mistake? Maybe Cindy was right. I probably was just thinking of myself." "ABSOLUTELY NOT! If you feel in your gut that it was right, then it's right! Having a fair share of sweet moments won't erase bad history! Look at you two; You fight like dogs over a bone with meat still on it! Your relationship with her is much too dysfunctional, which could possibly lead to abuse in the future! Can't you see she's giving you stress! That could be why you're always pushing yourself to do better! And when you're pushing yourself to do better, you neglect your friends! Don't you remember? You'll find the right someone eventually, but Cindy just isn't the one!" "I see you make a good point, but..." "But?" "...why are you making a big deal out of this?" "I'm your friend, Jimmy. Am I not allowed to be concern for you?"

Now Jimmy knew right there that Nick was much more different than his friends back home. Nick actually cares enough to show him which path is best for him, without being controlling. He acted as the voice of reason. Sheen never lectured him like this, and neither did Carl. Cindy did a lot of yelling and harsh scolding. If Nick haven't said something, Jimmy would've gotten pulled into the Stockholm syndrome.

"And besides, I know what it's like to be stuck in a relationship where you're hurt all the time!"

Nick had broken his rule of going overboard with his information, and he regretted saying it right away, but he had to let Jimmy know he wasn't alone. Now, he may die of embarrassment. Jimmy wondered, who was Nick ever in a relationship with that hurt him so badly? Their privacy was soon invaded when they spotted Benson poking his head out the window.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" "Heavens, no! I was just gonna call you two for supper when I accidentally overheard your entire conversation!"

Jimmy and Nick got up and decided to head inside for grub.

"Look, Jimmy, I'm sorry for flipping out like that. I don't know what came over me. Should've just kept my whore mouth shut."

Jimmy only responded by wrapping his arms around Nick's stomach area, and embracing into a warm hug, with his face buried in his chest. Nick's cheeks were beginning to glow red again. He just received his very own hug from the boy he loved. Wait. He thought Jimmy was disgusted by the concept of men hugging each other.

"If you feel in your gut that it was right, then it's right."

Jimmy hugged Nick out of sympathy, since he showed him his. The sweet, caring guy before him was the person Nick hid from him for two years. He was the friend Jimmy should've had a long time ago. The boy genius eventually released from his hug, and headed inside for supper. Nick was completely frozen from that hug, yet his face feels so hot. He stood like that for three minutes, before shaking it off and stepping back inside the hut. Although he may not be ready to face Jimmy again after that one hug.

"(It was just a hug!)"

[qhuinnbdb]

It’s Time

Qhuinn:  *Time didn’t exist in this mind fuck I was in.  Seeing Crhis and Grahve fucking each other changed something in me and I didn’t know that was possible, but here I was.  Playing that scene over and over in my head.  Rewind, play, rewind, play, until I felt the walls were closing in on me.  Everything I thought I knew was warped and thrown back at me in a twisted bolt of lightning, hitting every nerve as it spiralled through me.

 Had it been minutes, hours?  I had no idea…  After leaving Crhis in his dorm room, I headed for my room and locked the door.  At some point I heard a knock at the door but I didn’t care who it was. They could fuck off and bother someone else. Pulling my phone out my pocket, I fired off a text to Crhis “Meet me in the gym”.  The gym would be quiet this time of the day unless someone was working off some frustration.  The entire mansion was quiet.  Most of members were asleep and those who weren’t asleep kept to themselves. His reply was almost instant.

 I grabbed fresh clothes from my cupboard and went to the bathroom to take a steaming shower. A few minutes later, I stepped out, feeling a bit more like myself again and dried off.  Dropping the towel in the laundry basket, I changed and headed out the door, thankful for empty hallways.  The trip down to the tunnels and to the gym felt strange.  It was me walking this road, but it wasn’t me.  All the same.  I was here and I wasn’t.

 My chest felt heavy, as if something was pressing against it which made breathing a tad bit difficult.  Instinctively my hand lifted, palm pressed flat over the cause of the pressure.  My heart… my heart was the problem here.  Fuck.  

 Stopping at the double door, I pushed it open and walked in.  Empty.  Perfect.  I walked over the the far side of the gym and sat on one of the benches, waiting for Crhis*

 Crhis:   [What the fuck just happened. The thought kept running through my my head on rewind while my stomach threatened to reenact the Purge in 3D. And I let it loose. Not that there was much to purge aside from hours old alcohol and acid. Steam rose around me was the hot water pelted my skin; I no more felt it than I felt the growing numbness heavily in my chest.

 Reliving the look on Qhuinn’s face brought another round of upheaving. How I missed the male entering the room bothered me. And the way both he and Grahve left, one after the other… I couldn’t blame G, fuck or Qhuinn for that matter. Oh look, another go with the up-chucking. Can I just say, fuck dry-heaving? And fuck feeling like this. Fuck feelings when they weren’t returned. Damn those blue and green eyes… Jesus christ I was a FUCKING WEAK ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

 I needed to get my head back in the game. I didn’t join the program to play Let’s See Who’s Heart is Weaker. I joined because I needed to ahvenge my family’s death, and I wasn’t going to give up or be detoured. Grabbing the soap and a cloth, I scrubbed every inch of my body thoroughly. Right. Once the lockdown was lifted, I’d go out with whoever I was paired up with each night, without question, without reservation and without any emotional attachment and fight until the sun came up or until the Fade or a Lesser’s bullet took me.

 Mind made up and my resolve in place, I rinsed off and killed the water before stepping from the shower. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I reached up and wiped the condensation from the mirror, studying the bastard staring back at me.]

 Fuck.

 [That about summed it all up. Nutshell and all. The ping from my cell furrowed my brows, after what went down in here not that long ago I didn’t expect anyone to need me.. but I walked over and checked it anyway. Flipping the phone open and ticking the New Messages tab, that fucking feeling came over me again, making my stomach drop. It was from Qhuinn, and he wanted me to meet him in the gym. Fucking /fuck/.

 I didn’t rush to dress, but inside of 15, my shitkickers were stomping their way to the gym. Shoving the door open, I half expected to see one or two trainees or even a Brother working out. But it was empty except for one body. One I’d recognize anywhere, even if I’d been double blindfolded. Shit. All those feelings I’d just offloaded in the shower jumped back on board faster than that male could make my heart pump with a single look.]

 Qhuinn:   *I sensed him before he walked in and I felt my body stiffen.  The walls were closing in on me again and my fingers curled around the edge of the bench, gripping it tight.  My heart pounded in my chest and a sudden feeling of nausea swept over my entire body, leaving my skin covered in goosebumps.

 My eyes locked on those ice blues and my body ached to get up and wrap myself around the male, but the very thought of doing that made my chest hurt. Nodding in an attempt to look casual and shifting on the bench, my hands releasing the edge slowly as I eased into the convo*

 I’m not sure where to start or how to put this because I honestly don’t know what the fuck has been going on with us and you and Grahve and… yeah… with everything.

 *My throat tightened causing me to pause and take a deep breath*

 What I do know is that I can’t keep doing this.

 Crhis:  [Something was more than off. I offloaded those fucking feelings without a life preserver, slamming the loading ramp off the dock along with them. Just the look from the male screamed volumes at me. But fuck if those little traitors didn’t make me want to clear the distance between us until we were nose to nose. Lip to lip.

My chest felt tight, I couldn’t breathe without my lungs squeezing my heart at every turn. I was suffocating and the only one who could do anything about it was… Qhuinn. Schooling a neutral look on my face, what I hoped barely passed for neutral when all I wanted to do was.. Dammit. Hear what he has to say and go. That was the only way I was going to make it out of this gym under my own power, because right now, if I tried to move, it wouldn’t end well.

I nodded once when Qhuinn started to speak. I didn’t trust myself to say anything. I knew where this was going, but I had to let him finish when all I wanted to do was pretend shit was fine. And when the male finished his last word, I felt like throwing up again.

 I tried anyway. Taking a deep breath, I met Qhuinn’s eyes and almost wish I hadn’t. It was too damn easy to get lost in them…. ]

 There isn’t anything between me and Grahve. We’re partners. It was a one time thing. [Who went out drinking, fucking randoms in the bathroom and ended up back here fucking each other when you walked in. You should have joined in, and then I’d have killed G for fucking with my male.. Yeah, that sounded even worse in my head.]

 And you can’t keep doing what? You’ve managed to ignore me for months, outside of training or the one or two rotations you had switched out, pretty god damned fucking well. [That really fucking hurt too. But I couldn’t, however, look away from Qhuinn. And that was squeezing the fuck out of my lungs. My heart was slowly disintegrating, I knew this was the end of whatever there ever had been between us. Better to just walk away, right? Scribe help me, I fucking couldn’t.. ]

 Qhuinn:   *Keeping my ass firmly planted on the bench for stability, I tried to stop the growl that rumbled from my throat and failed miserably.  I felt my body vibrating, the air shifting and my skin crawling. Crhis made us out to be a random fuck and maybe that’s what it was to him.  But for me this was much more than I had given anyone.  3 years… It didn’t seem like much when you could end up living a thousand, but it was more than I thought capable of giving.  

 As I looked into those icy blue eyes I was reminded of our first pool game… and the body shots and hardcore fucking that followed.  Every time I saw him I had to have him, had to make him mine until I forced myself to take a step back. I was in too deep and I needed to take a breather.  I needed the distance between us and now I was facing the consequences of those actions.  This was exactly why I didn’t get close.  This pain…  and everyone in my life who was supposed to love me, ended up hurting me.  My father, my brother.

 This wasn’t any different.  Crhis didn’t want me dead, but there had been a few times he might as well have pushed the dagger into my chest.  The fucked up thing was that I did the same to him.  And that is how I knew this was not meant to be.  My mind scrambled over a few words before I finally spoke*

 I put distance between us because we got too close.  I can’t get that close to anyone. It never ends well..  Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but I want you to know that whatever you call this relationship between us, it was real for me.  It meant something. But it’s over.  

 *I knew I owed him more of an explanation than this, but my chest was threatening to cave in.  My body was as tense as a towing rod and my head was one major mind fuck away from a camping trip.  I needed to get away from Crhis. Away from all this pain*

 Crhis:   [Gritting my teeth, I felt my fangtips just start to poke into my lip. No matter what the fuck was going on here, Qhuinn was mi… no. I couldn’t let my mind finish the word. I fought it. Hard. I was just another bang for Qhuinn. Just another fuck. I had to have been. One more notch in his bedpost. To finally admit that to myself was like nailing my own coffin shut.]

 You’re right. I don’t understand. But you never gave me a chance to. [Each word came out slow and deliberate so I wouldn’t rush over to stand right in front of him. Like I wanted to. I ...needed.. to. Fuck.]  

 And you don’t think /I/ felt anything at all.

 [The male had sucker punched me right then and there with his comment about me not thinking what had been between us was real. I bit down my grow as I spoke.]

 How do you think it made me feel to catch the scent of sex on you, when I knew it wasn’t from me. Yeah, I knew when you and Murhder went out to the club. And that was after you told me about not giving up fucking Grahve.

 [I needed to move. I paced slowly, my arms crossed over my chest to keep from punching something.]

 Let me ask you something. Not counting tonight, do you have any idea how many times I’ve been with /anyone/ since the last time you and I were together?

 [The breath I drew in was shaky, but I pushed on, letting the vice squeeze my chest and heart that much more. Because, why the fuck not. Qhuinn had already gutted me, what more was it going to kill me. Scribe, I felt nauseous.]

 Not /one/ single fucking time. Not once. No one. Because I only wanted you, Qhuinn. You.

 [I’d lost everyone I ever loved in my life, my entire family. And now? I’d fucking lost Qhuinn, too. My voice broke to a wavering whisper as I tried to keep the emotional tidal wave from drowning me.] I loved you.

 Qhuinn:   *The world shifted.  With those three words, the air was knocked out of my lungs.  The room darkened and the floor gave way, leaving me spiralling to a new low which promised to swallow me and chew me up.  Breathe… just breathe…  Taking a few deep breaths only afforded me a few moments and I had to take advantage of them.  Standing up, I pushed past Crhis and turned to speak as I walked past*

 You sure chose a piss poor way to show me that.  We’re done here.

 *With that I headed for the door and ignored the anger that radiated from the male.  Every cell in my body was trembling and the need to get the fuck out of this mansion was met with the frustration of lockdown.  I punched the double doors open and beat feet down the tunnels to the main house and sent up a silent prayer of gratitude for not running into anyone on the way.  My mood was dark and dangerous and at this point I wasn’t in control.  When I reached my room, I shut the door behind me and willed the locks into place before ducking into the bathroom for a scorching hot shower, a night of heavy drinking and shutting the world out*

 Crhis: [Just like that, Qhuinn was gone. His words slashing razor sharp through every part of me, cutting out my heart like his blade took out Lessers.

 I couldn’t breathe, the air wouldn’t fill my lungs. I didn’t blink. All I saw was the ghosted form of Qhuinn walking out the double doors rolling back on repeat. My heart and body roared to chase him down, my mind put a lead bullet between the eyes of that thought. The male didn't want anything to do with me.

 Turning away from the door, something inside me burst. And not like a small pipe springing a leak. More like a mainline busting loose with an explosion. The animalistic sound that bellowed out didn’t sound like anything that could come from me, my chest heaving raw breaths I didn’t feel, my heart hammering wildly as if it were trying to claw its way out from behind it’s ribbed prison.] “We’re done here. We’re done here. We’re done.. We’re done.. done..”

 My fist connected with a solid object and I didn’t feel it shatter the bones, the wet crunching sound was muted to nothing compared to the roaring din in my head. I didn’t feel the second that followed. Or the next. I just kept swinging blindly, everything going black and out of focus….]

#ItsTime #BondedBrothers 

[moonlights0nata]

Fight for me (I’ll fight for you)

Inspired by a convo on twitter “Takeru would fight a man for Yusaku”, I originally wrote something short and then it...got really long lol So here’s some good ol Takeru/Yusaku fluff 

Also on AO3!

“I would fight a man for you.” Takeru mumbled in the space between them, eyes soft, but serious. They’d been lying in his bed for a while now, side by side, merely basking in the comfort of having someone close. A comfort Yusaku wasn’t used to but that he was growing to like, the warmth, the company.

Yusaku stared back after Takeru spoke, blinking, before huffing out a short laugh, quickly muffled behind his hand.

It was too late though, Takeru was already pouting. “What?”

“No, just--” Yusaku shook his head, schooling his expression, but some mirth remained in his eyes. “I...I can’t imagine you picking a fight. You don’t seem the type.”

“What does that mean?”

Yusaku lifted up a hand to cup the back of Takeru’s, resting on Yusaku’s cheek, and then interlocked their free hands together. When he ran his fingers over Takeru’s, he felt that they were a little rough, a little calloused or with tiny cuts that never faded. They were signs of someone who’d once got into fights, who’d curled his hands and bared his fists against the world.

But even so rough was not a word Yusaku would use for Takeru. Not the one curled up beside him, the boy touching his face and squeezing back his hand with all the gentleness of a world that had felt so far away to Yusaku until a while ago.

“You’re soft.” He finally replied, massaging a thumb over the back of Takeru’s hand and nuzzling a little against it. “The Takeru in front of me is soft and bright. After everything that happened to you...your heart wasn’t corrupted.” He smiled, a small fond smile. “You wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

If anything, Takeru’s pout intensified, cheeks reddening. “You don’t know that. There’s a lot you don't know about me or my past, Yusaku.” If he was supposed to sound serious, he failed at it.

“That’s true.” Yusaku conceded. “But I don’t have to know, unless you want to tell me. All I care about is the Takeru right here and now.” He scooted closer, feeling Takeru’s breath catch as their noses brushed. “You don’t have to fight anyone for me.” He whispered. “You are already fighting alongside me. That’s enough to me.”

“Yusaku…” Takeru sighed, his breath fanning Yusaku’s lips. “I--Can I--”

“Yes.” Yusaku tilted his head and a moment later Takeru’s lips were in his, ever careful but insistent, making Yusaku’s skin feel tingly. Kissing Takeru was like a flame slowly trickling over his body; It was not a violent fire, no, it enveloped him in a safe and protective warmth. When Takeru kissed him it was always gentle, like Yusaku was a precious thing, someone Takeru cared for. Someone Takeru wanted .

It was all new and raw still, feelings Yusaku was getting used to.  But with every kiss, every brush of fingers against his cheek, Yusaku believed him a little more.

Yusaku passed mostly under the radar at school--meaning people never or rarely came up to him to ask for notes or a simple chat, aside from Shima who was insistent in talking to him about nothing and everything even when Yusaku only half listened most of the time. The other half he listened, he appreciated Shima for trying, anyways. There was a tentative friendship there Yusaku wasn’t trying so hard to ignore anymore.

In the street it was much the same; he’s not sure when he developed the habit to blend in with the crowds, to walk quietly. He’d startled a few vendors when he walked up to them when they had their back turned, not expecting to turn and find someone standing there.

But just because most people didn’t approach him or ignored him, which also saved him from a lot of trouble and problems, it didn’t mean he wouldn’t accidentally bump into trouble.

When he was walking down the street, it wasn’t rare that someone accidentally brushed past him or that he nudged someone with an elbow without meaning to, specially if his mind was wandering to what he had to do later. Streets got crowded, too, and he’d lost count of the few hurried passersby that had shoved past him--or that he had shoved past on occasion.

Nine out of ten times, there were no consequences. Except that one time when someone called back to him after he’d knocked his side against them in passing, on his way to meet Kusanagi.

“Oy. You looking for trouble?!” Yusaku groaned internally; it was one of those people. He lazily turned his head around, arching an eyebrow at the taller man who seemed to have a scowl set permanently on his face, shoulders hunched and clearly trying to look threatening. Yusaku didn’t reply, merely stared back boredly for a moment before going on his way.

He heard the man click his tongue in annoyance, heavy steps already going after him and Yusaku was expecting a hand on his shoulder to shove him back roughly, and he was ready to step to the side, but instead he heard the man let out a surprised cry. Yusaku turned and what he saw caught him off guard, eyes widening; he’s not sure when Takeru got there, or where he came from, but he had the man’s wrist caught in his hand, twisting his arm painfully before it could even grace Yusaku. His expression was calm but Yusaku could see the violence hidden in those lilac eyes.

“I’d appreciate it if you would leave my friend alone.” He said, voice even but dangerous. He seemed far away from the Takeru Yusaku saw daily and it startled him for a moment.

“Why you brat --” The man tried to lash back with his other fist but Takeru sidestepped him and twisted the arm he was gripping around his back, using the inertia of the punch to shove the man to the ground. He pressed him down, squeezing his arm painfully, if the man’s pinched expression was anything to go by.

“I won’t repeat myself.” Takeru’s low voice held a heavy warning, gaze darkening. “ Back. Off. ”

A crowd had already started to gather, people muttering and wondering if a fight was breaking loose. It wouldn’t be odd if someone was alerting an officer or would do so if they did start fighting. Yusaku decided to step in, crouching by Takeru’s side.

“ Enough .”

He placed hand on Takeru’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the initial flinch, before he relaxed, turning to Yusaku.

“Takeru. Leave it.” He spared a glance at the other man. “Starting a fight here would be stupid . It’d be easy to alert the police.” Though seeing the hold that Takeru had on the man, he wouldn’t be able to run away even if he’d wanted to.

After a beat the man scoffed, struggling against the hold. “Ya heard your friend. Lemme go, kiddo, I’m not going to start a brawl if a cop’s gonna get in my case.”

Takeru shot him a glare before standing up and releasing the man, putting distance between them. The man rubbed at his wrist and shook his arm, wincing and clicking his tongue.

“Damn kid, didn’t hold back. I’m outta here.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned to go, looking at them over his shoulder. “Should get that murderous look off yer face or cops are gonna think you’re a delinquent, kid.”

With that the man pushed past the crowd and disappeared among it. Yusaku didn’t stay to watch him go, reaching out for Takeru’s wrist and pulling him forwards.

“Let’s go .”

“Ah…” Takeru blinked before nodding. “Yeah.”

Yusaku lead them away and only slowed down once they reached a street with less of a crowd, letting Takeru catch up to his pace and walk beside him. He was silent, gaze averted at their feet.

“...Don’t do that again.” Yusaku finally spoke, and Takeru’s abruptly looked up, like he’d been slapped out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Don’t try to pick a fight in the middle of the street.”

“I wasn’t--He was the one about to start a fight !” His arms moved to gesture and in the process tugged his wrist out of Yusaku’s hold. “He was ready to lunge at you, did you expect me to just watch?!”

“ Yes .” Yusaku was calm, but he could feel a bubble of irritation forming in his chest. “We were surrounded by people, the most that guy would do was threaten me or ask for money like some high school bully. His type is predictable.”

“You don’t know that.” It was odd, being on the receiving end of Takeru’s anger; it was odd to see him angry like this . “He could have hurt you.”

“He could have hurt you too.” Yusaku finally snapped, rounding on Takeru. He hated getting worked up like this, he hated this weirdly present ache in his chest, screaming at him, a feeling that had grown and grown so much it was overwhelming. It was the consequence of letting people in.

“I told you I don’t need you to fight anyone for me.” ‘That’s not you, you don’t hurt people.’ “I can look after myself. Don’t be an idiot.”

Takeru’s fist curled at his sides, shaking, and any other day Yusaku would have reached over to stop them from trembling. He didn’t.

The silence stretched on and Yusaku ultimately sighed, resuming walking.

“...Let’s go. Kusanagi-san’s waiting.”

It took a moment before Takeru followed after him, his steps just a little behind him, out of phase with his.

Lunch the next day was tense.

Aoi had clearly picked up on it, once they’d all settled down by the steps of their usual staircase in the upper floor. She kept flickering them looks that were everything but subtle.

After the third questioning glance she threw his way, Yusaku gave in.

“Takeru almost fought a guy.”

Aoi’s eyes went comically wide at that, eyes flickering between him and Takeru, baffled.

“... Homura-kun ?”

“Yes.”

“But when--why?” Aoi arched an eyebrow at Takeru, who huffed.

“Yesterday. That guy was messing with Yusaku.”

“He wasn’t going to do anything.” Yusaku countered. Here they went again. “We were in the middle of a crowded street. He’d just pretend to be threatening and then go away.”

“You don’t know that!” Takeru protested. “He looked ready to grab you, guys like him don’t care where they are.” He looked down at his food, frowning. “I wasn’t going to let him get away with that.”

“You could have got in trouble for nothing.” Yusaku munched on his bread, exasperated. This was just the same argument; he wasn’t used to how insistent Takeru could be.

“It’s not for nothing!” Takeru snapped his head up to look at him, eyes glinting with stubbornness.

“What would be the  point ?”

“I--” His hands curled tight around his lunch box, shaking like yesterday, and Yusaku wondered if he wouldn’t say anything else again. But this time Takeru was ready with a comeback.

“The point is I want to protect you ! Because--” His face got red. “Because you are important to me!”

There’s a moment of pause, of silence, where Yusaku simply stared at Takeru, speechless, with heat creeping slowly up his neck and ears. He was still mad, irritated, but Takeru made it hard to focus on those feelings when he was looking at him straight on with so much stubborn determination and--and affection in his eyes. That feeling in his chest ached and burned Yusaku from the inside now.

He could hear Aoi’s muffled laughter, hiding her grin behind a hand at the whole argument.

“Homura-kun I think you just broke him.”

At that Yusaku cleared his throat roughly, fighting to keep his eyes on Takeru, even when he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“...I told you: you don’t have to fight anyone for me. I don’t want you to. The least thing you have to worry about is protecting me from thugs.” Read: we have bigger things in our hands to worry about .

Takeru stared back defiantly. “And I told you : I would fight a man for you . I’ll worry even if you tell me not to.”

They stared at each other for another tense moment, which was broken by a loud, exasperated sigh. They both turned to Aoi, who shook her head.

“You two are are ridiculous .” Her eyes were creased with mirth as she smiled at them. “Why not just say you care about each other and want to see each other safe, instead of ‘I’d fight a man for you’ ?”

Takeru sputtered, embarrassed. “But I would !” Yusaku’s soft ‘please don’t’ went ignored as he locked on Aoi, determined. “I would fight anyone who messes with you too Zaizen-san!”

Aoi waved a dismissive hand his way. “The sentiment is appreciated but I can take care of myself. I’ve been taking self defense classes for a few years now.” At their surprised looks, she shrugged. “I wanted to and Big Brother thought it was a good idea. It’s useful.” Her eyes lit up a little, but her tone was deadpan. “I know just where to hit to invalidate and potentially kill a man if I have to.”

“...Please don’t kill a man, Zaizen-san.” Takeru looked a little horrified.

“I’m joking, Homura-kun. But did you know that if you hit a person’s nose at a certain angle and hard enough, the bone can pierce the--”

“ I don’t need to know thanks. ” Takeru shook his head, shuddering. Yusaku sighed, disappointed.

“I wanted to know that.” He played with his bread’s wrapping a little. “Kusanagi-san has taught me some self defense to get by, too. Always aim for the throat, he says.”

Aoi nodded. “Knock the wind out of them. If you punch someone’s throat hard enough you can also--”

“Can we stop talking about killing people and eat .” Takeru interrupted, pushing food in his mouth with his chopsticks and pointedly not looking at them. Yusaku and Aoi shared a look over his head that said ‘later’ before shrugging and focusing on their food.

They finished their lunch mostly in silence, exchanging idle chatter, but the tension from earlier had dissipated somewhat.

When the bell rang to indicate the end of lunch, they gathered their things and began to head back.

Before going into their separate classrooms, Yusaku held onto Takeru’s sleeve to stop him for a moment.

“...Are you free later?”

Takeru blinked at the question but offered a tentative smile. “I was going to stop by the supermarket to restock my fridge but that’s all. Want...Want to come with me?”

Yusaku nodded. “...Yeah.” He let go off of Takeru’s sleeve and turned towards his class. “Then, after school.”

He didn’t have to look to know Takeru was smiling at his back and nodding.

“Yeah, later.”

Grocery shopping by himself was something pretty mechanical for Yusaku. He didn’t cook, and he always bought the same stuff--instant food for the most part--so it was boring and routinary.

Somehow shopping with Takeru was different. He’s not sure why the boy tried asking Yusaku which packet of meat he thought he should buy (”This one is cheaper?” “Yes but this other one has a discount if you buy two!”) or which brand of rice he should get (“Takeru it’s rice it can’t be that hard”) when Yusaku had no idea, but it’s oddly...nice.

When he watched Takeru’s profile as he compared two oranges, his mind said domestic . Somehow something so simple was making his stomach flutter. Ugh .

“...This is a lot.” Yusaku observed, as they placed all the groceries they got on Takeru’s kitchen counter and began putting things away. It was definitely a lot more than Yusaku was used to buying and he wondered where Takeru even fit all of this .

“Really?” Takeru tilted his head as he shut the fridge. “This is about what I usually get...But I can’t say no to a good discount!”

“Takeru is a bit of a glutton, though.” Flame piped up from where their duel disks were resting on the living room table. “Discounts are just good excuses .”

“Oh, shut up.” Takeru pouted. “I’m a growing boy. I have to eat plenty. Besides…” He threw a look Yusaku’s way, who looked back in confusion. “Uh, I usually start dinner around this time--Did you...You can stay for dinner if you want? I have enough to cook for both of us so...”

“Oh.” Yusaku blinked. “I...Sure.”

Takeru beamed a little. “Great! Is curry okay?”

“Yeah.” As Takeru rounded the kitchen counter and started setting up, Yusaku joined him. “I’ll help.”

He heard AI laugh. “Not if you don’t want to burn the kitchen!”

“Shut up.” Yusaku threw a glare his way. “I can at least chop vegetables. It’s not hard .”

“That’s fine.” Takeru, the traitor, chuckled at the short exchange. “Thank you. Then can you do these?”

They settled down into an easy rhythm; Yusaku took care of the vegetables, Takeru of the meat and getting the pot ready to cook everything. It was quiet save for the distant muttering of their AIs; it was peaceful, comfortable. But something kept tugging at Takeru’s mind, something he had to say.

“I’ll take care of the rest.” Takeru speaking brought him out of his thoughts. “All that’s left is to cook all this and make the rice.”

“I’ll set the table then.”

Takeru hummed with a smile, setting the ingredients in the pot. “Thanks.”

Approaching the table to set it was a mistake. AI had the most infuriating, cat like grin in his face.

“You two are so domestic . Shopping together, cooking together~” He sing sang. “Like a marr--”

Yusaku slammed a hand over his duel disk, shutting AI up effectively. He paid no mind to the heat he felt in his cheeks and quickly got the utensils and glasses set up. He could feel Flame watching him, even if he was quiet, and when he spared him a look the AI had his arm crossed and the other cupping his chin.

“...What is it?” Yusaku finally asked and Flame shook his head.

“I should ask you that. You look like you have things in your mind.”

Yusaku averted his gaze, eyes drifting to Takeru for a moment. Flame didn’t miss it.

“If you have something to say or ask…It’s best you do.” The AI nodded his head. “Communication is important between partners, is it not?”

Yusaku’s hand curled around the back of a chair, looking down at the fire Ignis. Communication. Partners. Trust, his mind supplied.

“Takeru can be dense.” Flame continued. “And headstrong. But he’ll listen, I assure you that.” He crossed his arms. “You should listen to him, too.”

“...Yeah.” Yusaku sighed after a moment. “I know.” I will .

He turned and headed back for the kitchen. Takeru was stirring the pot, his free hand tapping a rhythm in the counter while he hummed some tune. Yusaku had a strange, sudden urge looking at his back while he cooked, and before he could think too hard he took silent breath and stepped up to him, leaning his side against Takeru’s back.

Takeru didn’t jump but he did pause for a moment before relaxing. Yusaku leaned his temple against the back of Takeru’s head, a hand holding lightly to his shirt.

“...When did you learn to cook?” He asked after a beat. Takeru made a thoughtful noise.

“Not that long ago. Grandma taught me the basics, and Kiku insisted on teaching me a few more recipes before I came here. ‘You’re not going to live off instant food and junk! ’ she said.” Yusaku didn’t have to look to know Takeru was grinning. “I was pretty awful at first but I’d say I’m pretty decent now.”

Yusaku smiled. “You didn’t hear this from me, but you almost put Kusanagi-san’s hot dogs to shame.”

Takeru gasped dramatically. “Yusaku! You’re giving me too much honor!” He faked wiping a tear from his eye. “You’d break Kusanagi-san’s heart if he heard you.”

“Again. Almost .”

Takeru laughed, the sound putting Yusaku at ease. He shifted so his chest was now pressed to Takeru’s back, head resting on his shoulder and hands settling on his sides. He felt Takeru lean back against him a little, and Yusaku could stay just like this for hours, he thought, basking in this warmth.

But he had more to ask, more that he had to say.

“Can I ask something else?”

“Shoot.”

Yusaku’s eyes fell to the hand resting on the counter. “...Did you get into a lot of fights?”

Takeru seemed to pause at the question and Yusaku hurried to add. “You don’t have to answer. I told you, unless you want to tell me I...I only care about what’s in front of me. But I want to understand--” Communication. Asking. He wasn’t sure how to phrase this question but he tried anyways.

“Why...did you fight?” It was vague, but by the way Takeru tensed, he’d understood what Yusaku wanted to ask. He let out a breath, fingers curling.

“...After the incident I was...I was so lost .” There was a hint of irony in his voice. “I would never get back those six months of my life, my parents were-- gone.. .I didn’t know which way to go, what to do.” His head hung a little, stirring the pot more slowly. “I was lost and angry . Angry at...at the world, I guess, for taking those things from me. Angry because there was nothing to do about it--” He gripped the counter. “Angry at myself because I didn’t know how to overcome it.”

Yusaku slid his hand over to the one on the counter, curling his fingers over it, and wrapped his other arm around Takeru protectively. He rested his chin on his shoulder just so he could look at Takeru’s expression.

“I stopped going at school at some point. I made my Grandparents and Kiku worry for me a lot but I...couldn’t find a reason to go. I couldn’t find a way to move forwards. Until...well, until I saw Playmaker. The Heroes of Link Vrains.” He smiled for a moment and relaxed his hand just so their fingers slid together, shoulders hunching.

“I didn’t--I didn’t pick fights. I definitely looked like a delinquent back then--” A snort, with only a small hint of humor in it.

“The guys I fought, it was always to protect someone else or if they came to pick a fight with me first. I couldn’t take out my anger on them though, not really--so most of the time I…” He lifted his other hand, and Yusaku looked at the bumps and cuts that hadn’t faded. “I was actually fighting myself. ” His laugh was wobbly, watery. “I lost...count of how many times I punched the wall in frustration.”

Yusaku’s heart ached painfully, because he could feel Takeru shaking, and he wished that if he squeezed him tighter in his arms, he could make it stop, make it go away, but this was something that no one could ever erase; the way the Lost Incident hurt Takeru, that hurt them. This was how Takeru had coped with the aftermath. Putting his fists up against the world, against himself and fighting to overcome it.

“Takeru.” Yusaku called, his voice wavering just slightly, pulling back and tugging at Takeru’s hand, motioning for him to turn around. He did after a moment, his gaze downcast and his smile rueful, but Yusaku could see the raw emotion in his eyes, the toll it’d taken on him to put this into words. Yusaku took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts as he looked down at his feet.

“I...Letting people in, it’s still new, for me. After the incident I felt like...like there was an abyss, between me and others. But I told myself I’d move forwards so I--I’m trying to get used to this. To having people close to me...People I care about. You are one of those people.”

He reached for both of Takeru’s hands, tracing the bumps and calluses.

“I’ll say this again. You don’t have to fight anyone for me.” He didn’t have to look to know Takeru would protest again but he didn’t let him. “I know . But I--” He squeezed his hands.

“I don’t want you to get hurt anymore. I don’t...want you to hurt yourself . I got mad yesterday because you didn’t take that into account, you don’t realize how much I--I want to protect you too. I want--” He swallowed, heart at his throat. He was blunt by nature but honesty was still a vulnerable state for him. But Takeru had just let himself vulnerable, so Yusaku gathered courage to speak. “I want you safe . With me .” He tentatively looked up. “That’s…what it means to care for someone isn’t it?”

Takeru looked overwhelmed, eyes bright and cheeks pink. He squeezed Yusaku’s hands back.

“...Yeah. I--”  He swallowed. “I care about you too. I--I told you, didn’t I? You’re important to me. That’s why I...when I say I’d fight for you, I mean I want to keep you safe .”

“....I never liked to involve people in my troubles. Before you I...fought alone.” But that wasn’t entirely true, he knew now. He could tell people not to get involved--Go Onizuka, Blue Angel--but they still did, they insisted on helping, and they still suffered the consequences. Yusaku didn’t want anyone to get hurt on his account, dwelling with something that was his issue alone--but they had been fighting with him, to defend what was theirs too. Kusanagi, too, was always with him.

“Yusaku.” He’s not sure when Takeru took a step towards him, gazing at him with that determined look. “Fighting side by side...doesn’t that involve protecting each other?” He leaned close, just a little, foreheads brushing. “I know you can handle yourself. And you know I can handle myself. But when one of us in in trouble, we help each other. I trust you to have my back and...I hope you can trust me, to have yours.”

‘Listen to him too.’ Yusaku shut his eyes. Trust . To let someone in, to let them walk next to you. To have someone you want to protect, to know they also have your back. That feeling to want to keep the other safe--it came from both ends, mutual.

Yusaku opened his eyes halfway, breathing the words against Takeru’s lips.

“...I do. I trust you.”

He felt Takeru sigh, lips curling at the edges, before they both closed the gap between their lips. It was a  simple, chaste kiss but after they pulled away, they immediately surged forwards for another, Takeru’s arms encircling his middle and Yusaku’s hands cradling his face, bringing each other close.

“So…” Takeru ran a hand over his back, peering at him with a grin. “We’ll keep each other safe, then?”

Yusaku ran a hand down the side of Takeru’s jaw to his neck, feeling Takeru shiver a little. “...Yes.”

“Is that you giving me permission to fight a guy?” Takeru joked and Yusaku threw him an unamused look. “...Permission to duel a guy, for you?”

Yusaku huffed, an amused smile forming in his lips without his consent. “Better--Mhm--” Takeru kissed him again, catching him by surprise before he kissed back, one hand tugging at the front of his shirt and the other resting on the back of his neck. He felt himself bump against the opposite counter and he’s not sure when they stepped back far enough for Takeru to press him against it but he’s not really complaining.

That was until he heard whistling and AI’s distinctive laughter. Takeru pulled away abruptly, face red as he looked over Yusaku’s shoulder and when he tilted his head, he saw two amused AIs looking at them from the table. Flame’s eyes were creased with mirth, shaking his head.

“Ah, youth …”

“Oy oy, Takeru--” AI was still laughing. “Aren’t you forgetting about dinner a little?~”

“Ah!” At that Takeru turned sharply and rushed for the stove, checking the pot quickly before turning the stove off. He sagged with relief. “Safe…”

“We should--”Yusaku cleared his throat, ignoring AI’s continuous teasing and his own flushed face. “Serve this, right?”

He was thankful to Flame when he heard a distant smack and AI whining but effectively shutting up.

Takeru nodded fervently. “Y-Yeah, lets!”

They fumbled a little but they managed to serve the food and sit down to eat. Takeru was eyeing him as he tried a bite of curry and hummed.

“It’s good.”

Takeru grinned, pleased.

AI leaned over Yusaku’s plate, ready with a comment. “Yusaku, did you chop or did your murder those vegetables when you cut them?”

Takeru, again, looked like he was biting down a laugh and Yusaku scowled at AI. “Then maybe next time I’ll practice chopping with you .”

“Eek! Flame, cover for me!” AI hid behind Flame who just moved away and gestured at Yusaku like ‘go ahead.’ .

“And you--” Yusaku pointed his spoon at Takeru and no, he wasn’t pouting . “Stop laughing . Traitor.” He shoved spoonfuls of curry in his mouth and Takeru chuckled.

“I’m not--I wasn’t laughing!” He rested his cheek in his hand, lifting a spoon with curry and smiling. “I think the vegetables are fine...You put Zaizen-san’s vegetable soup to shame.”

“...Is that supposed to be a compliment ?” Yusaku arched an eyebrow. “I think you just insulted her and me in that same sentence.” Takeru flailed with his hands.

“No ! It’s not---I mean--Augh.” He dropped his head. “Please don’t tell her I said that. I’m sorry.”

“I trusted you, Takeru. I’m hurt.” Yusaku deadpanned, but amusement fluttered in his chest. He kept calmly eating but he could see Takeru pouting in front of him.

It was nice--good--, to have this; this feeling of normalcy, of partnership between them; this bridge that they’d built, bit by bit, bickering, talking, understanding and crossing the abyss together.

An incident had torn their lives part ten years ago and left them to pick up the pieces; today they were  slowly learning to walk forwards, still learning to overcome, to cope.

Later, when Takeru managed to convince Yusaku to stay over for the night--not that Yusaku had needed a lot of persuasion--and they were settling down to sleep, Yusaku took Takeru’s hands in his again and pressed careful kisses to the bruises, to the marks of Takeru’s fight against himself. He kissed them slowly and lovingly, until he had Takeru melting against his side, looking at him with flustered affection.

Forwards was a long way. But neither were alone, they had this, right here, and they’d both would hold fiercely into it.

They’d fight together; they’d be safe, together.

[kip-quest-blog]

It’s been a good year.

We’re coming up on KipQuest’s first year anniversary and it is with a heavy heart and a conflicted soul that I announce that I am going to be closing this blog.

What happened? D:

Nothing happened in the traditional sense. I came out here for a good time and I had a good time and then I stopped having a good time. So I decided that drastic measures needed to be taken. I don’t have the desire to quit pokeask blogging, or blogging in general, or art, or storytelling, or any of that.

I just want to quit this particular blog and all the other blogs attached to this primary blog outside of my artblog (which I made a sideblog for this exact reason) and Maat’s blog. The disconnect has been months in the making and it is not at all related to my mental health or my motivation for art, or even my lack of physical energy. I’d just rather be doing literally anything else and that’s a really really bad thing for a long term project.

I tried everything I could think of to get myself going again. Memes, interactions, hiatus, total disconnect from Tumblr, a different, less stressful blog. I tried a lot. And it didn’t work. Ideas just fall flat and die sometimes so I am taking my own advice and just doing what I want to do.

Where are you going?

I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to write a blog from start to end. I’m going to have a plan. I’m going to reevaluate myself and my life choices. I’m going to do something self-indulgent and something that I will be passionate about, even if I’m just a cliched and tropey mess. I don’t know what the blog will be or the format, or the style, or even the name. I don’t know anything right now.

I don’t even know if I’ll have an answer for that question anytime soon. I will, however, be on my artblog, drawing art and dumping it there every once in a while. I’ll still be drawing pokemon like a damn nerd and I will still love it. I will probably take all the art prompts I have stockpiled and go through them as I figure out what the fresh hell I am going to do.

I’ll still be on this primary blog while I work on my other things. All the memes will be posted on my artblog as I finish them. (Though I run mostly on a queue.)

How can we reach you?

Please for the love of god, follow me on Twitter. Interact with me on Twitter because 1v1 convos are not happening and that’s because I’m busy all the time with other things. Twitter is where you can see my hilariously awful jokes and updates that get pruned out so my art is the main attraction and I can still have my fun.

My discord is not open because it’s going to be the same deal. 1v1 convos are just not on my agenda unless you’re alright with me never speaking or just saying the same tired things all the time. (i’m tired/busy/sleepy/busy) Maybe someday I’ll be in a group discord where I can talk to a lot of lovely people at the same time. (I’m already mod in one, but it has been capped for now.)

Will you tell us what your new blog is when it’s made?

Maybe. I won’t try to use this blog to promote my new one because I feel that it is disingenuous to use this thing I didn’t finish to promote something I hopefully will. Pride? It’s more like guilt. I’d hate to be a disappointment again. I’d hate to disappoint you again.

What about this story?

I can give you the very short version of what I had originally intended for Kippy’s KipQuest under the cut if you want to know the story at the most surface level. There, you will see my incredible lack of planning. I will not elaborate much more than this in the interest of not writing a novel. I apologize that all the nuance is gone. Rip all the worldbuilding.

Just in case, you decide to not read under the cut (it’s all story stuff anyway) I wanted to say thank you for all the good times. I learned a lot about art, myself, and commitment. I asked a lot of questions to a lot of people and learned so much about others. It was fun while it lasted. This is not the last you will see of me. But this will likely be the last update post I make on this blog.

You know what they say, right? Better luck next time.

Kippy would have made their internal struggle known to their mother that they didn’t know whether to pick a boy name (Skipper after Amelia’s father) or a girl name (Pankaja which is a name related to soil though the language of origin escapes me). Kippy’s mother, Amelia, assured them that no matter what they ultimately decided, it was their choice to make and that she would be proud of her little kipper.

Kippy, who was born male, chose Pankaja as her official name but still likes Kippy as a nickname. She then takes on female pronouns and begins to make her way into the world at large. During this time, Jalon, a Honchkrow leader of the village Kippy lives in, has her put on a team prematurely because Jalon does not like that Baaba challenges his authority.

Baaba confronts the Grand Psion - a sort of gauge for an individual’s potential - and demands that he tell the truth about Kippy’s potential. The Grand Psion, who was most certainly lying about Kippy’s abilities at the request of Amelia, claims ignorance and Baaba doesn’t buy it, so he storms off with renewed vigor to get Kippy trained in the only way he knew how.

Amelia has the Grand Psion lie about Kippy’s potential because Kippy was born a Bad Egg because Amelia had a lot of trouble with having children. Amelia had a number of previous attempts with her mate, Armament - who was a Garchomp that died in the line of duty - but they all either miscarried or just did not hatch when they were supposed to. She begged the Grand Psion to lie about Kippy so Kippy wouldn’t get herself killed in a military life. Kippy never finds this out.

Kippy is paired with Pepin, a Buneary who failed to live up to his family’s astronomical expectations, and Pax, a Swablu who hates being a Priest and fulfilling the role of a “healer” despite having the ability to use Heal Pulse. The three of them are sent off on a mission that was not meant for them to complete, due to a mix up between assignments.

They end up delving into a cavern and finding evidence of humans existing as well as the Red and Blue Orbs and the Meteorite, which were placed in this deep cavern to keep Columbia, a radically violent and nihilistic Origin Jirachi, from continuing to hunt down and slaughter other Jirachi to gain their power.

Kippy releases Columbia, who very nearly kills the three of them on sight and disappears into the Realm of the Fairies, who have begun preparations to make an attempt at truce.

Bellatrix, who had saved Kippy and Arimus from the approaching Fairies in the beginning, ended up returning to face those approaching intruders head on with her partner, Ronnie. Ronnie is a Gardevoir who did not gain the Fairy typing when the original Blight swept the land. Nobody knows why this was, but that is the only reason she is accepted in the Valley of Darkness.

That Fairy party was a party sent by the highest order of fairy nobles to attempt a truce with the smaller neighboring land before a hopeful collaboration to unify with the Land of Dragons. The Prince of the Fairies was sent as a means of instilling an element of trust, but Bellatrix doesn’t believe that the instigators of this divisive conflict have any positive intentions in mind. She mega evolves, kills most of those present on both sides, and flees into the forest, where she succumbs to the dangerous power that mega evolution entails and falls into madness fueled only by fury and rage. Ronnie survives only because the Fairy Prince, Adelaide, stabilized her.

When Kippy and company return to the village, Jalon panics because he assumed they were going to do something simple, and instead came back with items that belong to the Land of Dragons. In order to maintain control of his people, he accuses Kippy and company of being insiders and mounts an attack using only his Murkrow flock. Pax’s trainer was an Eevee and she jumps in to protect her trainee, evolving into a Sylveon to have a better chance of fending Jalon’s lackeys off, though this solidifies the accusation that Kippy and co (and by extension, their families) are spies for the enemy.

Amelia immediately and instinctually uses her combined strength with Pax’s trainer, and Baaba, to give Kippy and co a chance to escape alive. It is never determined whether their families survived this attack because Kippy never ends up going back.

Baaba finds them in the hills outside of the village. Kippy is panicking, but Pax and Pepin are able to calm her down well enough for the four of them to figure out where they need to go. Baaba says that the Land of Dragons would be their best bet because he knows someone who has clout.

They are discovered by an adventuring party of Fairies, are captured, and taken back to the main hub where all the decisions are made. They are granted amnesty because the Fairies are attempting to make peace with the surrounding areas.

The Fairies are under the control of Xerneas, who is a fragmented and corrupted being that was created by The Bastard Palkia. Xerneas itself is an instinctual being, who has complete and total mind control over all Fairies on this world when it is awake. It only ever seeks to destroy anything that would oppose it, as well as anything that it deems a danger to it. Xerneas had been asleep for a while, but the damage already done had to be slowly undone, which proved to be almost impossible considering that the sight of a Fairy usually meant a fight was going to break out, so peace talks were rare and were hardly ever successful.

Kippy wants to help, naturally, but has no idea how to do so. She thinks that the Jirachi she released would be able to help, so she goes looking for it. Baaba stays close by for the longest time until he is attacked during another encounter with Columbia and is revealed to be a Zoroark. Kippy takes this rather well in the moment, but later confronts Baaba about it.

Baaba explains that pokemon in the area all live on a massive island created by the same Mewtwo who gave Bellatrix the ability to mega evolve. This area used to be a secluded safe haven in Kalos, so many pokemon who were harmed by experimentation make up the population, which is why there is a rather tumultuous civilization in the works. Columbia offers to spare this world if they can convince the slumbering native Jirachi to appear so Columbia can take it. It is assumed that Columbia’s attempts at seeking the native Jirachi failed, and he claimed that he was “helping” the mortals because he is a god.

Columbia is an elder god, but he is also a creation of The Bastard and is therefore, fundamentally broken on every single level of his existence. This doesn’t really matter, but Columbia spins it in a way to make himself look better, and to get Kippy and Baaba to call the native Jirachi. This works later on and that Jirachi is shredded and consumed by Columbia, who then departs to find more Jirachi to consume after flipping all his middle fingers up at the preps.

Baaba does not accept Columbia’s offer, but Kippy comes up with a plan to trick Columbia into a false sense of security. This plan fails miserably. Columbia kills the native Jirachi, and in retaliation for mortals even attempting to lie to him, wakes Xerneas up from its deep slumber. He naturally has a big villain speech explaining how Fairies are indeed evil by design because The Bastard doesn’t care about what it makes and leaves things to fester. Even humans have harnessed Fairy energy to create devastating weapons and this is no exception.

Xerneas arises and takes control of all the Fairies. At the same time, in human civilization, Magearna and the Ultimate Weapon designs are finished and deployed. The rise in harmful energy leads to a chain reaction where Xerneas’s instability directly contributes to the creation of a second, more unstable Yveltal constructed of corrupted energy.

Yveltal flees, spreading devastation and destruction everywhere. The world begins to end and there is a bright light in the sky.

Kippy and co try their best to help, but they are divided on what to do. Xerneas needs to be stopped, but there is chaos unfolding around them as they try to escape the Realm of Fairies and make their way to the Land of Dragons. Baaba has stayed with them, and no longer assumes the form of a Rattata. When they make it to the Land of Dragons, Baaba seeks out and finds the oldest dragon there, a Charizard named Basil.

Basil is upset at how these events have unfolded, but when the gods are involved, it never ends well. He promises that his attacks will be swift, but he is not optimistic. Kippy is worried, though by this time, she has evolved from a Mudkip/Gible into a Garchomp. There was a lot of tears shed and fear throughout this transitionary period, but she is determined.

Columbia has disappeared, but his presence alerted Marty, a Celebi who immediately arrives to survey the damage. It’s too much to bear. The end of the world is coming naturally, so he begins his job to tie up the loose ends and let the world collapse in itself. Despite Baaba begging that Marty not do this, Marty does not listen. Baaba lashes out because he wants Kippy to be okay. That’s his partner. His most trusted companion. And he is too smart to let her go so easily.

Marty explains that it’s better for all of existence if this world dies naturally instead of being ripped apart for no reason. Xerneas must be contained. Baaba asks Marty if Xerneas could be contained, would that allow the world to be left alone. Marty makes no promises, but does hint that their time would be extended, as everything dies eventually.

Baaba and Kippy convince Pepin and Pax to go back to the village to reiterate the information that they learned. They also convince Marty to go with them to confirm their story. Baaba and Kippy then go to Xerneas, who is deep within the forests, wandering and screaming.

Baaba has a special tool that he plans to use in order to get Xerneas under control. They fight, they win, Kippy mega evolves, and Baaba uses a Master Ball to seal Xerneas away.

It, at one point, would have been made known that Baaba is from human settlements in Kalos, where he was born before his mother made a deal with Mewtwo to create this supposed sanctuary. Humans had done a lot of fucked up shit prior to this and his mother was the result of experiments in testing pokemon’s potential. He carried with him a couple of tools from the human settlements because he inherited that human level of intelligence and planning.

Once Xerneas is sealed away in the Master Ball, Baaba explains to Kippy that there is a whole other world out there to explore and he remembers fondly traveling through Kalos a little bit before his mother whisked him away from humans as a whole. He says he wants Kippy to see the world for what it is, a wonderful place, but humans are also not to be messed with. Baaba explains that humans treat pokemon differently and sometimes badly and he wants to change that, but the only way he knows how is to show them. He offers Kippy the opportunity to go with him to Kalos. Kippy accepts.

Baaba also offer this opportunity to Pepin and Pax, both of whom have evolved fully. Pepin accepts. Pax does not.

It ends with Kippy and Pepin willingly being put into customized pokeballs and Baaba assuming the form of a human before it’s assumed that they go to Kalos and change the human world as well.

That’s all ey wrote. Hopefully the next time I do this, I do a better job.

[officialtwinksilver]

Filled with absolutely insane regrets atm. I was cleaning out my photo gallery when I saw a bunch of screencaps I made of a server I was in (about a month ago or so). What you do with the readmore is up to you.

To be… specific and non-specific, it was a server I joined some time after being banned from another one. Like, about five months after, maybe more. With the new server, I figured I could start afresh. Everyone seemed more or less like the crowd I rolled with before. I figured this time I could. Be better. And, like, be easier to bear with.

It, of course, did not work out. To be specific and non-specific, they didn’t like my liberal use of emoji. And they didn’t like me leaving reacts. It… they told me to stop, and I did, but figuring that it was just. A lapse or something. I went back to emoting. And that was when they. Like, put me in time out.

It’s… somewhat fair, honestly. It took me writing this to figure it out, yeah. But at the time it hurt. And I talked to an old friend, from the old old server. And they thought what I went through was BS (note that I was also scrolling up the chat during timeout and seeing them, like, make fun of me)

In the end, my good friend joined the server to vouch for me. I had tried previously to send the join link, not knowing that being timed out prevented that. But failing that, I decided to just. Let what happen happen. The server, as it were, was a “follow and chat with the artist” thing, for a Tumblr popular webcomic. They went so far as to link the server on the website. It wouldn’t be hard to get in.

The admin, as it were, took it as me sending goons into their chat. I explained, half-truthfully, that I hadn’t sent my good friend the link. That I only talked about what I was going through and where. I talked, then, with the admin. About this whole thing with emojis and reacts. And the ways forward were thus: pare it all down or leave. I chose leave

But, of course, my own mouth would not lend me the grace of leaving on my own terms. I saw on the server that everyone assumed I sent my good friend to goon the place. I had nothing to say with the people who were insulting me. But for those who defended me, I half-explained what was what. In that I said everything but, “But yeah, I did try and send the link”.

Things got… no, I made things weird from there. One person said that if they poured their heart out on every server (implicitly adding, “as you are wont to”), they would have no friends. To which I replied, “Maybe you shouldn’t be in such servers.” They caught onto me wanting to shield my message with vagueness, so they pressed me. And I told them, outright, “I’m worried that you might be in abusive friendships”. They told me to not even message them anymore. Sensing that perhaps they weren’t all behind that, I replied with something. And sure enough, they replied. And they didn’t bash me for messaging again. Still, it was the end of the convo.

The next person… my actions were. Indefensible. She cared a lot about me, and I was touched. As the emotions about everything tossed and turned, I invited her to one of my servers and she obliged. She then opened up to me, about things she never said in the server I was being timed out of. Heavy, heavy things. I found myself using lots of hugging and watery-eyed emoji.

She then noticed that I wasn’t shaming or chiding her for pouring this all out on me. And this is where my blunder kicked in. Like some mad collector bragging about his stash, I listed off all the people with problems that I befriended and worked with, and all the problems they were going through—except, of course, the things they explicitly said to eep secret. And seeing as I’m a paraeducator, I talked about the kids I taught. And she thought, perhaps rightly, that I was comparing her and all my friends to them. And she, perhaps… incorrectly, thought it was insulting to be compared to a kid, and to compare them all to kids. She told me I creeped her out, and that we couldn’t be friends.

She left my server. And the icon for the new old server disappeared not long after. I imagine she shared our chat. And that seeing all that, or hearing of it, the admin banned me.

With the old server, at least they sent a letter. A letter with certain points I no longer agree with, but a letter nonetheless. The new one just. Had the honesty to insult me, and the gall. But… such is the way.

I miss my old old server. I miss it all deeply. I wish I could sleep and wake up to that old time, and stop myself before I pushed it all too far. They didn’t like me, frankly. But they bared me awhile. Oh how they bared…

When the old old server banned me, I thought of ending things. Certainly my body did. I couldn’t lift my head to save my life. Not on the toilet, from a bin of laundry. Not in bed, from my pillow. It almost boggles me how I managed to even. To even get to the toilet at all. But I didn’t want to buy a whole new futon and duvet just because my friends got together to talk about banning me. And I didn’t want diaper rash just because I wanted to wallow in me-sourced mud.

Poor, poor me. I valued that server over my family. I valued the new one over my horror at my old values.