#this episode was also really silly cause they’re in Alaska

[80yearoldmanmoodboard]

The Yukon Affair S2 E14

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: The Heroes' Journey (15x10)

This made me laugh so hard.

Cons:

I remember in the promo for this final season, they talked about how there really weren't any C-plot episodes in Season Fifteen. That's obviously not the case, but I do like that this episode felt like a part of the overarching story, even though it had a different tone. What I don't like is the way this show does exposition during its C-plots. It's so clumsy and badly written, and you would think after all these years they'd have found a better way of handling it. You have Sam literally saying "Cas is up in Heaven searching for information." He says that to Dean, who already knows. It's so lazy, and it wouldn't be that hard to fix!

Pros:

To start with the light and fun stuff... Garth! It was so good to see him. This final season kind of feels like it contains "curtain calls" for a lot of the show's beloved guest characters of the past. And even though I know what they're doing, I'm still loving it. Garth survived, which is an added bonus. They seemed to have learned their lesson about killing off characters just for shock value, and are instead respectful of using those deaths only when they have real narrative impact. (I'm hoping I haven't just jinxed it...)

Seeing Garth with a wife and three kids is such an important message for the show to have, here. First of all, he's a former hunter who actually settled down and is happy, living life with his family. I like the fact that even though he called in the Winchesters for help, this story wasn't a situation where his family was in peril or anything. They are doing just fine, and Garth is too. Secondly, Garth isn't just a retired hunter - he's a werewolf. Supernatural has been less than consistent about "monsters" and who it's okay to kill indiscriminately, vs. who can live a normal life. But they've come down firmly on the right side of the law, with characters like Rowena and Garth being contextualized and not just slaughtered onsite. That's the right move, and I'm enjoying seeing the fruits of that.

Also, Garth is just hilarious. I loved the exchange when he called Dean on the phone:

"Hey Garth."

"Hey Dean, it's Garth."

And then Dean makes a face. That was classic.

The general comedy of this episode was on point - it was a little silly, tonally more like some of the other fun comedy episodes we've had over the years, but it never felt too extreme or disconnected to me. Like it wasn't a bunch of slapstick over and over and over again. It was just a series of things that, if only one of them happened, you'd shrug your shoulders and move on with your day. Parking ticket. Ruined dinner. Car breaking down. Getting sick. Credit card declined. But all of them piled up together? That's "super natural." I loved that joke, and I loved the build to it.

It's also thematically interesting, rather than being merely a setup for comedy with no real bones behind it. It seems clear that Chuck is messing with them, causing them to be "normal" people, instead of heroes in a story. This means that all the little inconveniences of ordinary life, the ones that usually are passed over in a narrative, start happening to Sam and Dean. It's genius as meta commentary, because as we get down to the last ten episodes of the show, we've learned that our Big Bad is an author - a guy who wants to write a tragedy. And his characters are resisting him. So this silly setup, Sam and Dean being repeatedly inconvenienced, is actually part of the Big Bad's plan.

I also thought it was super cool that this week's "stand alone" plot leads into the next one. It's not a cliffhanger ending, or part of some epic split story-line. It's just that the wacky inconvenience that starts in this episode is not over when it ends. Sam and Dean now have to travel to Alaska, based on a tip from Garth, to try and undo the bad luck they've been saddled with. I thought this was such a cool bridge, and I'm excited to see how it shakes out in next week's installment.

So that's all! I missed Cas, of course. I miss Eileen terribly. But this was a really fun episode, with a good amount of comedy, an appearance from Garth, some nice classic Supernatural meta, and even some feels about the nature of Free Will. Bring it on - we're half way through the final season!

9/10

[level99games]

10 Ways Playing Board Games Can Benefit Your Mental Health by Gabe Nelson

In one of our latest episodes of the New Level Cap Podcast, we discussed some of the effects and causes of burnout throughout the development process. To follow this up, special guest writer Gabe Nelson steps in to show us how playing board games can help with your mental health in general! Take it away!

10 Ways Playing Board Games Can Benefit Your Mental Health

When you’re looking for ways to relax and have fun board games are a natural choice for many people. They give you a chance to have some fun and just enjoy the company of others around you. They can take the pressure off of social situations by giving your entire group something to enjoy together so conversation flows more naturally. 

There are so many types of board games out there that you’re sure to find a great match for your personality and the types of games you enjoy. You can play strategy based games like mahjong or you might enjoy games that are more group-oriented like Monopoly or Risk. 

With the internet at your fingertips, you can even play mahjong online or find a group chat about strategies to solve a game of solitaire. There are countless ways you can take some time to relax and enjoy board games in your life. There are even some benefits to be found when it comes to playing board games and your mental health. 

If you’re curious about mental health benefits of board games you may not know about yet, you’re in the right place. Here are 10 benefits of playing board games when it comes to your mental health. 

1. They Are Natural Stress Reducers

Board games are a fun thing to do, and having fun gets your mind off of things you may be worrying and stressing over. When you’re focused on the board game and not your job, or budget, or whatever else might be going on in life, you’re giving yourself a break. You’re taking some time to breathe and reset your mind. 

When you’re playing a board game you’re pulled into another world almost. This is especially true if you play tabletop role-playing games. So if you find yourself stressed and unsure of how to handle it, try playing a game. It could help more than you realize. 

2. You Can Play While Increasing Your Mental Agility

Board games aren’t all created equally. While some are just focused on having fun, others really do require a lot of skill and focus. When you’re playing Yahtzee you’ll need to use math skills to make sure you’re choosing the best roll for each slot you’re filling. 

Card games like solitaire require you to use your memory in order to win more often than you lose. You’ll be keeping track of the patterns you start to see in the cards you’re dealing out as you flip through your deck. Things like this really help you increase your mental agility without even knowing it. It’s all just fun and games, literally. 

3. You’ll Increase Your Self Confidence

Are you someone who worries about your skills in life not being up to par? Maybe you struggle with knowing if you’re a good decision maker, or you aren’t sure if you are able to develop strategies to solve problems effectively. If that’s you, then board games may help more than you realize. 

Every time you’re playing a game and you make a decision you’re gaining confidence in your abilities and talents. When you’re working on a winning strategy and it works, you start to see yourself as a capable person who is able to make a good plan. All of these things help you increase your self-confidence. The next time you need a little boost to your self-esteem, try breaking out a board game. 

4. You Can Make Great Social Connections

Like you read about earlier, board games give you a way to interact with a group without the pressure of coming up with topics of conversation. Sometimes mental health issues can cause you to want to isolate yourself. Playing a board game is a way to work through that without a lot of extra social pressure. 

Focus on games that require group interaction but won’t force you to spend a lot of time thinking of what to say or when to say it. Things that you can just really immerse yourself in the experience are the best option. Playing in a group setting and working towards a common goal, like a cooperative play game would be great choices when you’re trying to stop isolating.

5. You Get To Have Fun

Laughter reduces cortisol, a hormone that occurs when you’re highly stressed out. Although this is related to the reduction of stress you learned about earlier, fun in and of itself is its own benefit. When you play a game that’s all about having fun you’re allowing yourself to really let go and just enjoy life. 

Don’t underestimate the power of laughing and enjoying some time with a group of friends. Choose a game that encourages you to act silly, like a game similar to Charades. Anything that gets you to break out of your shell and just be in the moment, having fun. When it comes to having better mental health time spent having fun is never time wasted.

6. Board Games Help You Unplug

When it comes to technology you have a lot of screens in front of you at all times. Whether it’s for work or for something like interacting on social media, it’s easy to get too involved. What that can mean for your mental health is that you start to feel less grounded in reality. You can get lost in the world of tech and lose touch with real life. 

This can be a pretty disorienting feeling but board games are a great solution. You’ll want to choose a real board game this time and not an online version, but as you’re playing you’ll notice that you probably feel more grounded. You might start feeling more aware of everything and everyone around you. You can start to enjoy the real things in your life a little more, and that’s a great thing. Don’t underestimate the power of unplugging and playing a board game regularly.

7. You Can End A Fight

Have you ever been bickering back and forth with a spouse or friend for so long you’ve forgotten why you were angry in the first place? It happens to a lot of people, and it’s a very common thing to experience. Surprisingly, board games can be a great way to fix this situation. 

If you find yourself in a stalemated fight with a loved one, try playing a game together. Focus on the fun and strategy involved in the game and you’ll find that you are losing the energy to keep being angry or continuing to fight.

The more fun you have together the more likely you are to end a fight that seemed like it would last forever. You’ll give each other the chance to be seen in a more positive light and remember why you enjoy being together. Give a boardgame a try the next time you aren’t sure how else to end a fight with a friend or partner.

8. You’ll Get An Energy Boost

When you’re struggling with mental health issues like depression it can feel like you have no energy at all. Sometimes even getting out of bed really feels impossible. It’s understandable and you don’t need to be ashamed of that. When you’re ready to try and break that cycle you may be left wondering where to turn.

Real life chores might still be too much for you but a board game could be a great place to start. It’s an activity that’s enjoyable, built for having fun, and while you’re doing those things you will start to gain more and more energy naturally. As you go about playing if you really put your heart into it you’ll find that being involved in something interactive gives you the boost you’ve needed.

9. When You’re Overwhelmed, Try A Board Game

This builds on the self-confidence you read about earlier but it’s also a little different. Life can throw a lot at you at one time and getting overwhelmed can stop you from figuring out the best decisions to make to move forward. A great way to practice quick decision-making skills is through board games that use a lot of varying play types and strategies. 

As you watch yourself make decisions quickly even if you’re being asked to do two or three things at once, you’ll be gaining skills you can transfer to your real life. It’s like practicing for the big show. The sharper your on the fly decision-making skills are, the less likely you are to get overwhelmed. Think of board games as a way to keep your skills honed and ready to go.

10. Board Games Can Teach Social Skills

When a child plays board games they can learn about social skills that transfer to other areas of life. Board games can teach you about effective communication, patience, waiting your turn, and how to be a graceful winner or loser. 

All of these skills are essential to doing well in the real world, so board games are a great way for children or adults with limited social skills to learn these types of things. Most people will just see it as a fun time playing, but the things they’re practicing will be useful for the rest of their lives. 

By now you’re probably very clear on some of the best benefits of playing board games. You can see that although they are really meant as a tool to have fun, there are great things that can happen when you’re spending time fully involved in a game. The skills and benefits gained will help you out in your life in many ways. 

Now that you know, you’ll never have to discount the time you spent playing a board game as time you could’ve been doing something productive. Playing a board game is productive all on its own, so go enjoy being productive… by playing.

Author Bio

Gabe Nelson is a content specialist of over 7 years of experience, currently working for Arkadium. Just out of highschool he set off crab fishing on the bering sea in Alaska. From there he went back home to finish his college degree at the University of Montana. He has a passion and keen understanding when it comes to board games inside and out. He has written hundreds of content pieces in numerous niches. Currently, he lives in Missouri with his wife and kids enjoying the peaceful town of St. Joseph.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

2018 post because I still want to and it’s on my to-do list

I'm sure at this point no one but me cares considering we're fully two months into 2019 but whatever, I want to record it for posterity, because there were a lot of things in 2018 that I did for the first time and that's kind of important. (”this will be brief!” I said, you know, like a liar.)

I finally got a tattoo. I've been talking about it for years but never figured out exactly what I wanted or where, and even once I figured out what I wanted ("all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us," which has been important to me in different ways for years) I didn't know exactly how I wanted it to look, because it can be tough to make text tattoos look good and I’m not an artist or a graphic designer. and then Scully was diagnosed with kidney disease and I realized, oh yeah, his paw print, there's an obvious one. my tiny little semi-colon (of which I apparently never took a decent picture) was also pretty obvious once I started looking for something small I could do as a test tattoo, although the way things worked out I got them both at the same time. the whole process was...kind of odd? but instead of just talking about it I finally actually made it happen, and it hurt but not, like, unbearably, and now I have a piece of my furry little boy that goes everywhere with me, which was especially important after he died.  

I did way more political volunteering than I ever have before. I always feel like I'm not doing enough and compared to people who volunteered with campaigns every single day, I guess I'm not, but I still did a lot in 2018 compared to any previous year: lots of donations to multiple Democrat candidates and progressive organizations, textbanking for several candidates across the US, sign-waving and even phonebanking for the Alaska Democrats, poll watching on election night for the Alaska Democrats, at least a few hundred handwritten postcards to voters for a few more candidates, data entry for the campaign against a local bathroom bill last spring (I keep forgetting that happened in 2018 too because, you know, 2018 was about a decade long), going to several local anti-Kavanaugh demonstrations and the like, leaving lots of voicemails for my legislators and bugging other people to do the same (with varying levels of success), and maybe other stuff I'm forgetting. which is all good, because actually doing shit is vastly preferable to just going "wow everything is terrible and we're all gonna die" both in terms of actual impact and my mental health. the unfortunate part is that after doing as much as I did for the 2018 midterms--whether or not I really actually did enough, whatever "enough" might be--I got pretty well burned out, especially because...all the candidates I did the most work for DID NOT WIN so that made it feel kinda pointless (even though we took back the House and I was so relieved about that I could’ve cried). especially locally where Alaskans did the stupid thing and 1) kept Don Young and 2) elected a Trump wannabe with almost no experience as our governor because he made promises that any idiot should've been able to see he wouldn't be able to keep. but...I still worked hard for causes and people I care about, and I devoted a pretty significant amount of time and money, and I got out of my comfort zone with last-weekend phonebanking, and none of that is nothing.

I joined a gym and started going there fairly regularly. as usual I want to qualify this, because "30 minutes on the elliptical once or twice a week" is not exactly an amazing workout, and I haven't been as good at going regularly since I finished TAZ: Balance, but like...it's still a new thing that I went out of my way to do, and it was a positive change toward taking care of myself physically.

related: I...finished a podcast? I'm bad at podcasts (see also: I'm two or three years behind on Welcome to Night Vale, the only other podcast where I've listened to more than one or two episodes), but the Balance arc of The Adventure Zone is amazing and it basically let me trick myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to more. (unfortunately, Amnesty and MBMBAM haven't been as effective this way, I think because MBMBAM is hilarious but there's no narrative and therefore no "oh shit what's gonna happen next" suspense, and Amnesty is great but it's just...less zany, I guess. constant zany goofs are great for distracting me from the fact that I'm doing generally unpleasant physical activity.) now maybe if I could find a site like GoodReads for podcasts, which apparently doesn’t exist yet, maybe I’d do better at remembering and then listening to all the podcasts I’ve heard of that interest me...although I still don’t know what would be useful for workouts to give me that all-important combo of zany goofs (made by people who are not horrible) and suspenseful narrative. 

I got back into conventions and cosplay for the first time in six years, which is kind of dumb because I was never that deep into cosplay in the first place and I'm still not, and the vast majority of cons I've attended have been tiny local ones...but I did do several attempts at varying levels of quality starting back in college, and I put together some complicated-by-my-standards outfits for SDCC 2012, and then I didn't do any cosplay at all until last year when I semi-spontaneously decided to go to ECCC. I only did two for that one (AoU Wanda, and Avengers Academy Loki) but they involved more actual work than any previous cosplays and I was pretty proud of how they turned out. and then I kind of went "oh hey, cons and cosplay are fun, I forgot", so I did a very simple cosplay for one tiny local con and two that were much more complicated (Stuttgart Loki and The Final Pam) for our larger local con, and it was a lot of work and I'm not 100% happy with how I looked as Pam but the handful of people thrilled to recognize me made it worthwhile. also my Loki staff is damned cool and I look great in suits.

I got contacts! for the very first time! LITERALLY JUST FOR COSPLAY! I've worn glasses since I was about two so I don't remember my adjustment period and I've never had much desire to try contacts, and with past cosplays I just kind of shrugged and wore my glasses anyway, but after ECCC I wanted to Do It Right so...I got contacts. it kind of sucked actually! after the week or so where I was supposed to wear them to get used to them, I literally have not worn them except for the local convention! it turns out contacts will never be a great idea for me because astigmatism is wacky! but now I have contacts I can use for future cosplays, and it's another new thing outside my comfort zone where I went "you know, actually, I could do this thing" and then I made it happen, which is...sort of a big deal for me.

I played Silent Hill 3 and 2, in that order, which is not that big of a deal but still feels like something of a milestone for me, because a) actually finishing a game is embarrassingly rare for me and b) I feel like...they're so well known and such a part of gaming canon, so to speak, that finally playing a couple classic games I previously only knew by osmosis is sort of significant actually. also I love them both in different ways, and discovering a new favorite game series is always fun.

I said goodbye to Scully. this was...not a fun one, obviously, and in fact those last few days were completely fucking awful. but, well, it was a big thing that happened, and it was new in my experience. like I said (a lot) at the time, I realize it's a sign of how lucky I've been that Scully was my hardest personal loss so far, but that doesn't change the fact that it was, and...of course it was hard and horrible. he was my furry little boy, he was unquestionably family, he was a huge part of my life every day for 9 years.  I took care of him as well as I could for as long as I could, and then I made the most compassionate decision I could, and for the most part I was able to focus on remembering the joy he brought me instead of just how much it hurt to lose him. (I've also said this before but I think dealing with Loki in Infinity War helped with Scully, because I'd already done some work on my unhealthy tendencies toward hopelessness in the face of, you know, things ending.) and then I found Hazy, and that's been hard in different ways but she's also worth it, and I think I can train her enough that other people will actually get to see how silly and adorable and sweet she is instead of just BARK BARK BARK.

I more or less kept up with my writing goals of posting at least one new thing a month? I guess this is an accomplishment rather than a first, since it's something I've been mostly successful in doing for the last few years, but it's still notable. also it does involve a first, because until I will kiss you till your breath is found I'd never written anything even semi-explicit (well, I very vaguely described a couple sex scenes in my Crimson Peak fic a few years ago but that was...VERY vague) and then I wrote several thousand words of fucked-up dubcon sort-of-p0rn and fairly shortly followed it up with another one. so that's a thing I've done now I guess. (is it actually explicit if you never really, directly reference anyone's genitals but it's still obvious what's happening and also it's fucked-up sex stuff? I don't know but at this point I'm definitely still too squeamish to use certain words in my fics. is that because I'm hella ace or because I grew up hella repressed in purity culture? BOTH PROBABLY)

and then there are my goals for 2019! or rather the rest of 2019 but it's cool because I got started on a couple of these pretty much right away!

cut my hair real short. already done! in fact this was basically the first thing I did in 2019, because I made the appointment Jan. 1 and got my hair cut Jan. 2! kind of like the tattoo, this is something I've been wanting to do, and talking about wanting to do, for ages and I've never actually gone for it; the shortest I've gotten my hair cut was basically chin-length, more than once, because I'd go in like "I kind of really want a pixie cut or something similar but idk if that would work on me without adding a bunch of time and Product to my morning routine so maybe I shouldn't?" and the stylists were always like "yeah you shouldn't, a good pixie for your face shape is not wash-and-wear hair" so I never did it even though I kept wanting to just...cut all my fucking hair off. and then this December I kind of went, wait, I got a TATTOO with less angst than this and that's permanent. I CAN CUT MY HAIR. IT GROWS BACK. so I got all my fucking hair cut off. it's not perfect because a short cut really does take more maintenance, from what I'm told (I got it cut the first week of January, so...probably I should have scheduled a trim by now), and I really would prefer to continue paying almost no attention to my hair while still looking generally okay, and the bits in front fall in my eyes and piss me off if I don't pin them back (I did buy the hair wax stuff the stylist suggested that was supposed to sort of lightly anchor it in place but it just never worked for very long, so...pins), BUT it is very nice not constantly catching my hair in my purse strap and stuff like that, and also I'm more visibly queer with short hair and that's definitely a plus.

train Hazy. this is a work in progress. it took a while to get signed up for an actual class and then I had to go with one for reactive dogs specifically, and so far I've only been to two sessions, just one of which involved Hazy, and then I've been trying to do other stuff at home, and...well, it's a work in progress. but she's a good dog who just needs to learn to chill a little bit, and I should've trained Scully and didn't so I'm trying to do things right this time.

specifically, I would like to get her trained enough that she can accompany me to Pride in June, wearing her adorable Wonder Woman harness and cape. given that she is not great with individual strange humans and strange dogs, taking her into a big crowd of both would definitely result in a screaming meltdown if I did it now and it may or may not be realistic to hope I'll be able to get enough improvement on that in time. but that's the goal. if it doesn't work, there's always next year, I guess.

also, I want to make myself a flying ace costume for Pride. this may or may not be much more complicated than I anticipate.

speaking of costumes, I'm planning to go back to both local conventions this year, and I imagine I'll reuse my Stuttgart Loki outfit at least once but it would be nice to do at least one other new cosplay. Heather/Cheryl from Silent Hill 3 seems like it should be straightforward but Value Village hasn't provided me with any of the pieces yet so who knows.

post more to @alaska-gothic​ because I have a bunch of cool photos I'd like to have a place to show off (and I've taken a lot of new pictures, some in VERY cold weather, for this exact purpose)

finish more games. in practice this might turn into "play more short games while continuing to neglect long games" but I want to make my list of completed games longer and I also want to PLAY MORE GAMES in general because it's a thing I really like, and it's possibly the only thing I do that's purely for my own enjoyment, and I want to make more time for that. also I want to finish SWTOR’s existing singleplayer content because, I mean, it’s an eight-year-old(!!!) MMO so its remaining time is probably limited by default and it’s fucking ridiculous I’ve been a subscriber for at least seven years without even finishing all the class storylines, what the actual fuck Past Me. (I also want to make more time for console games specifically, because those are almost definitely easier on my body and I can do them while cuddling with Hazy on the couch. unfortunately this also generally requires me having the place to myself, which is kind of a rare thing that is also necessary for comfortably working on customs or writing, so...opportunities are limited.)

speaking of games: finish buying the parts to upgrade my computer and then upgrade my fucking computer, and also back up my fucking files

finish a long fic? or honestly if I can even finish more short fics that would be great. really just...make progress on the WIP list. especially if I can finish some IW-specific fics before Endgame comes out. that would be super cool of me.

get another tattoo. I still want that LotR quote but I don't know how I want it to look so who knows when that might happen. HOWEVER, I've been wanting something queer, and I very much loved Foxflight Studios’ "we fight as one" design, and when I asked the designer if she was okay with me getting it as a tattoo she said yes. so at least with that I wouldn't have to figure out a design. I do of course have to figure out a) where I want it (ideally, somewhere normally covered by clothes but where I can see it if I want to, and where a person might conceivably keep a real dagger) and b) how much more it's going to hurt/cost than the paw print considering it would have to be bigger and it has a lot more colors and linework.

do some travel around Alaska. I've lived here for nearly my entire life and I really haven't seen that much of my own state. more importantly there are a few extremely cool places within theoretical driving distance, like Kennicott, Igloo City, and abandoned military installations near Seward, and I want to visit them. @erlkonigstochter and I had vague plans to do this last year and it never materialized (although I did visit Nike Site Summit on my own), so...this year I intend to try harder to make that happen, especially since I have no current plans of traveling out of state.

put more stuff on Etsy (and figure out how to advertise them?). in particular there are a bunch more things I want to repaint in various Pride colors, in part because those are way easier than custom Funko figures. of course, a lot of these things are kinda technically copyright infringement which means somehow I have to figure out how to make more sales of the easier things without drawing the attention of any corporations (and/or shift my focus to things that aren't under copyright of some kind but that's probably more complicated).

but also do more personal projects. I have so many partially finished custom figures, and so many other figures I bought specifically to customize but haven't touched since, and it would be cool to actually...do something with some of those. especially because several of my WIPs/plans are more Lokis, and I need all the Lokis, and there are not many more left that I can buy.

figure out how to motivate myself to work out more and keep up with PT exercises, see above re: needing a  better replacement for the magic of TAZ Balance whoops

get a therapist and work on ADHD issues, because I'm increasingly convinced that ADHD issues are at the root of the vast majority of my other issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), and that I would be immeasurably improving every aspect of my life if I could make some progress on that aspect. the difficulty, of course, is that finding a therapist is kind of complicated and difficult, and also I don't really want to add yet another regular appointment to my schedule when I already don't have enough time after work to do all the things I want and/or need to do, but...this one thing could go a long way toward helping me actually do all those other things, so obviously this is a time investment I really need to make. although probably not until I've made serious progress with Hazy's separation anxiety because that also makes it hard to go places after work. so uh, I guess we'll see. in the meantime it might be smart if I tried to figure out some kind of self-guided therapy thing I could do. I'm sure there's...something.

just, like, be more intentional about...things. in general. this is a bad goal because it's very nonspecific but it is slightly more specific than "generally do better FFS" so at least there's that.

[artificialqueens]

Follow Your Arrow Pt.1 (Trixya) - Pichitinha

A/N: I am back with even less plot than the last two times! I bet you didn’t think that was possible, but it is. Anyway, Trixie’s an aspiring country singer and I am obsessed with Brandy Clark ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It’s on AO3 as usual and you can find me here as @pichitinha. Enjoy!

Katya has spent the entire afternoon checking the clock behind her every five minutes, yearning for it to go faster, to reach 5pm soon so she can log-off her computer and get the hell out of the suffocating building.

It’s nearing 7:30pm when she manages to do so. She’s tired, all the muscles in her body hurt from sitting down on her horrible chair and her mind has practically given up at this point. She’s angry, she hates the place and the job and, okay, she doesn’t hate the people because she doesn’t really hate anyone but by god are they boring and no help at all in making the day any better. She’s also sad, she’d been looking forward to going over to Alaska’s so they could watch the new episode of their reality TV show together but she’s missed it because one stupid client had kept her for over two hours longer than she needed to stay.

She wants to quit so bad. She really wishes she could.

As soon as she hits the sidewalk and looks over to the bus stop where she’s supposed to go, she sees her bus there already, the last passenger climbing in. She makes a motion in its direction, considers running and yelling and raising her arms to call the driver’s attention, but she’s a bit far and knows the chances are small. Her body aches and she doesn’t have it in her. She settles for the fact that the next one will take at least thirty minutes and that she’ll be home in just a bit over that if she walks, so she starts walking in long strides.

She’s never walked home from here before, but she knows the city and she knows the way. She takes this opportunity to look around, to see what’s changed in the streets she’s known since she was a child but hasn’t visited in a while. She’s surprised by the amount of new stores and bars and clubs in what she remembers being a fairly residential neighborhood.

She comes to a stop in front of a bar. It looks like it’s themed, part sci-fi, part medieval, sort of steampunk style. She can faintly hear the sound of music coming from the inside and it sounds live. It’s a man and he has a nice voice and he’s singing some sort of acoustic version of a song from N'sync.

She can’t say she isn’t curious.

Usually Katya avoids bars, thinks it’s easier to not tempt herself even though she’s fairly grounded in her sobriety for a long time now and can easily be around alcohol with no issues, but she needs to go in and see what this place is about, thinks about having a cool new place to bring her friends one day so they’ll stop saying her outing choices are always weird and the same. Maybe then they’ll just be weird but new.

She enters and she immediately loves the crowd around the bar. It looks like a regular bar - as in, non-gay, which is a type of place she hasn’t visited in a while - but everyone seems weird which is something she appreciates and it makes her feel at home. There are people dressed in steampunk costumes, there’s a crowd on the biggest table that is all in cosplay and Katya thinks they’re celebrating something, and around the bar there are people dressed in all possible different styles.

Near the stage she sees the sign: Variety Amateur Cover Tuesday. The guy on the stage is finishing his cover of Bye Bye Bye as she sits down and soon a girl in punk clothes comes in and starts singing something that Katya thinks is from The Clash, but she might be wrong. She figures that that’s what variety means, that they have all different musical styles, and Katya looks around to see that everyone is there for that, that everyone is simply enjoying all the songs from different styles and she smiles.

She orders herself a ginger ale, decides to sit in for a few songs before heading back home to take the shower she so desperately wants and needs, and upon closer inspection she sees that there’s a list close to the bar with the names of the people that’ll be performing and what musical style they’ll be doing. She figures which one is the girl singing right now, and if she’s right the next one will be country.

That’s a drastic change. She hopes the girl - Trixie Mattel, says the paper - will be able to hold the crowd.

Soon enough the girl is leaving the stage to a round of applause and oozing country style comes in the person Katya assumes to be Trixie. She has her guitar on her hands, she’s wearing blue cowboy boots that don’t quite go but don’t quite clash with her yellow dress either, and her hair is definitely going for full Dolly Parton fantasy.

“Hi, I’m the gal that’s not here a long time, but I’m here for a good time, Trixie Mattel!” she says to introduce herself and fixes her guitar on her lap as she sits on the stool, and Katya can’t help but laugh at her remark. “Despite the hair and the style I will not be doing Dolly today. I hope you enjoy, though.”

Trixie adjusts her short pink nails on the guitar strings and starts a slow but catchy melody. When she starts singing, Katya is blown away by her voice. She doesn’t know the song, has no idea who the artist is, but she finds Trixie’s choice good because the lyrics are incredible. She sings with emotion and Katya finds herself wondering how much of the song applies to her own life.

“- it’s been a forty-hour week, and it’s only Tuesday -”

“Uhuh,” Katya hums in agreement to the words and raises her glass slightly, and she’s mildly surprised when she realizes that Trixie notices it and smiles a bit at her as she keeps on singing.

“- she lights a cigarette out on the balcony

When she gets a couple minutes to herself -”

She raises the tone at that, the words leaving her mouth in a beautiful strong tune, and Katya nods again, but this time Trixie’s looking down at her guitar, her fingers looking agile and natural on the strings as she keeps singing to the crowd, never once faltering.

When the song is nearing its end she stops playing the instrument and follows the rhythm using only her voice, and Katya knows that that’s a fairly common practice for singers, but as someone who sounds like a strangled eagle, she’s in awe.

“- So she’s a mom and a dad and a taxi driver

When the baby’s sick, she’s an up-all-nighter

A hand and a shoulder and a referee

A real life hero if you ask me

‘Cause those kids ain’t gonna raise themselves -”

She plays a couple of final notes on the last verse, lets the sound end together with her singing, and Katya finds herself clapping louder than anyone in the room when she bows. Trixie’s eyes turn to her and she smiles one more time, and then she’s leaving the stage, going on the opposite direction from Katya.

Katya bites her lower lip and looks down to her watch. As much as she wants to get home, it’s still early and she can spare a few minutes. She looks around, checks every corner to see if she can find Trixie, but the singer is nowhere to be found. Soon the stage is taken again, this time by a guy to whom Katya pays no attention at all as she orders another soda and keeps looking around, convincing herself she’s not waiting for Trixie to appear again even though she most definitely is.

The guy on stage finishes his R&B - in the back of her mind Katya thinks he sounded good and she claps, but she’s not really sure - and the next person on stage seems to work for the bar as he’s giving an announcement.

“Hi, everyone! I hope you’re enjoying the songs, we’ve been getting really good reviews on our Tuesday night variety shows. Please don’t forget to vote on your favorite artist of the day when you leave, we wanna know who to invite back for our other shows. Enjoy the rest of your night!”

Katya glances around the room one more time, and when she fails to see a high blonde Dolly Parton hair, she drinks the remainings of her beverage and moves to the exit. She sees the voting poll on the wall, and looks carefully for Trixie Mattel on the list.

Check.

*

Katya has never, ever in her entire life worked late unless she absolutely needed to, so when she insists to her coworker that she can stay and finish her report on the following Tuesday, everyone thinks she’s going crazy. She shrugs though, doesn’t want to explain because for one thing they’re not her friends, and also she feels a bit silly.

Katya’s never, ever willingly listened to a country song before either, but as Three Kids No Husband remains on the repeat, she guesses things can change - although this is not the version she wishes she was listening to, no matter how good the singer’s voice is or the fact that the song is in fact hers.

She leaves around the same time as last week, just a few minutes early just in case, and speeds up to the bar. She looks for the same spot on the counter, it has a good view of the stage, and glaces at the list of the day. She figures they’re at the person right before Trixie, and she sighs in relief at not having missed her, although she immediately scoffs at herself. What is she, a teenager?

She claps as the person on stage finishes her song and soon Trixie appears. Her hair is a lot different this time, it’s tied on a messy bun - the kind that for sure was made to look that way, as the front frames her face perfectly - and the rest of the outfit fits together better. She has on yellow cowboy boots this time and a cute white dress with yellow ribbons on them. Just the same as last time her lips are pink, and she brings them to the mic to greet everyone.

“Hi, I’m the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe, Trixie Mattel!” Katya doubles over laughing and it doesn’t seem to go unnoticed by Trixie. “I hope you guys enjoyed last week’s song because I’ve got another one from the same artist. Thanks for voting for me!”

She once again hits the strings with dexterity and Katya notices they’re not painted this week. She starts singing and her accent seems stronger in this song, which starts slow but soon builds up and, as this time Trixie’s standing up, she starts swaying to the sound. It’s incredibly cute and Katya’s hypnotized.

“- There’s no crime of passion worth a crime of fashion

The only thing savin’ your life

Is that I don’t look good in orange and I hate stripes -”

Trixie doesn’t sing only with her mouth, she performs the song as the words leave her and the face she makes in the chorus is so perfect you’d swear that said cheating guy from the song is right in front of her at the moment. Katya is once again wondering how much of the song applies to her life, doesn’t think anyone can sound so sincere without relating to the words to a certain level, and she really, really hopes that today she manages to at least say hi and ask her that.

When Trixie finishes singing she claps loudly again and Trixie still makes a point to let her know she saw it. She leaves the stage and Katya finally looks at the bar, realizes she hasn’t ordered anything and asks for a virgin cocktail, her mind to focused on where Trixie could be to fully care which one.

As the bartender hands her the glass, though, she feels a tap on her shoulder.

“Call me out on stereotyping but you do not look like a country enthusiast.”

She turns around fast, recognizes the voice, and in the fast motion manages to spill part of her drink on her own hand.

“Oh! Hi. Uh, yeah, I guess I’m not really a country fan. I like your renditions, though.”

Trixie smiles again, and maybe it’s because she’s close, but it looks so much more honest now. It’s at the same time smug and shy and Katya finds herself smiling back.

“I’m Trixie,” she says raising her hand.

I know, Katya thinks. “I’m Katya.”

“Well, Katya, can I join you for one drink? I gotta go soon, but my throat is really dry.”

“Of course.”

Trixie orders her drink and only once she has it in her hands that she turns back to Katya, who’s sipping on her straw and staring at her like an idiot.

“So, you like my shows?”

“From the bad jokes at the beginning to the last strum of you guitar.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t laugh, I see you from up there!” She’s laughing as she says it and it’s the first time Katya notices she has dimples. She loves them. “But anyway, I love when non-country folk like my country music. Well, not mine, but you know.”

“It’s quality music, though. You sound very sincere when you sing it, almost like you’ve lived it.”

Trixie smiles lightly at her, takes a second to sip her drink and Katya can see her thinking about what to say.

“Well. There’s definitely no husband, but there are no kids either. And I’ve definitely never found my boyfriend with another woman in our bed. But I do think I look bad in orange.”

“I doubt that,” Katya replies without thinking, then clears her throat quickly before continuing, doesn’t give time for Trixie to reply to that. “You have a boyfriend, though?”

Trixie laughs so hard that her head falls back and no sound escapes her mouth.

“Oh. Oh wow. No. I most definitely don’t.”

Katya knows that tone. She knows that laugh, knows that look, understands perfectly what her body language is saying. She recognizes every bit of her actions in herself, many many times before.

“Cheers to that,” she offers raising her glass, hopes Trixie will get it and that she’ll be as excited as Katya is right now.

She smiles and raises her glass, her blue eyes as clear as day. “Cheers.”

*

Katya has a total of six blouses, three skirts and two pairs of pants that she uses to go to work, combining them absentmindedly every morning, not really caring much whether they match. She sits behind a desk all day, shoulders down in boredom, and the only people that see her daily outfits are the bus driver, a few people on the streets, and the receptionist.

So, yeah, she feels a little self-conscious when it’s Tuesday morning and she’s wearing a dress. It’s not a fancy dress by any means, and it’s definitely not new, she wears it quite often to all types of events such as visiting her parents or having friends over to her place. She’s never worn it to work though, and she wonders if anyone will notice. She hopes they don’t, she hopes no one asks what’s the big event as she knows they normally do, because she can’t really find it in herself to say that she wants the country singer from the weird steampunk bar to notice it.

She does, though. She really hopes she notices it. And she feels a rock at the bottom of her stomach at that thought, that feeling. How long has it been since she’s felt interested in anyone beyond a mere sexual attraction? Real fucking long.

She plugs in her earbuds as she steps out of her house and for the first time since she got this job and started making this route to the bus stop she doesn’t hear the sounds of the city around her. She never listens to music on her way to work, always minds her surrounding and the life going on around her, always pays attention. Today she has a deep country singer blaring two songs on repeat on her ear, and she closes her eyes to see if she can hear Trixie’s voice over it.

The day itself drags, uneventful as usual, and Katya is ready to leave by 5pm even if she knows she’ll probably be waiting for over an hour at the bar just to see one performance. She waits for maybe half an hour but finally gives in, tries to walk calmly towards the bar and wonders where this infatuation came from when she’s never been one to develop feelings before being with someone. She’s much more of a one-night-stand-turned-into-relationship kind of person than a pining-for-ages-before-sex.

She likes adventures though, likes the unknown, the mysterious side of life. She’s excited about this, and she doesn’t let its uncertainty deter her.

She enters the bar and it’s a lot earlier then she usually arrives; it looks like it literally just opened. They’re setting up the stage and the ambience music is pleasant, and either way Katya takes a moment to once again appreciate the crowd, takes a deep breath as she sits down and decides to eat something while she waits, doesn’t want to hang around for so long just waiting for Trixie to appear.

She can’t stop herself from looking around, finishes her food and her drink and tries to move her eyes away from the door where she thinks she’ll come in unless there’s a back entrance for performers. It’s still early and she’s anxious, so she exits quickly for a cigarette because she’d need one anyway but also because she wants to calm down a bit.

She’s almost done with her cigarette when she hears the faint sound of a guitar. She curses and runs back in, can’t believe she sat there for so long just to almost miss her now.

She comes in in time to see Trixie start singing, she’s once again standing up and she has on a pink dress with a full skirt that dances around her legs as she plays and sings, and Katya doesn’t miss the way that her eyes keep moving to the spot where Katya was sitting the two weeks before.

She also doesn’t miss her smile as she sees Katya by the entrance, bites her lips as she considers whether or not she imagined that wink.

“- There ain’t no mall - no Waffle House

But there’s always something to talk about -”

Trixie doesn’t falter though, whether she winked or not, and she actually laughs a little at the lyrics as she sings them, as if they bring a story to mind. She imagines it briefly, a town with nothing going on, one school and one factory maybe, wonders if that’s the kind of place Trixie grew up in and how she presents herself so poised and outgoing on stage if that’s the case.

“- Yeah, it’s a big day

In a small town -”

As usual, Katya doesn’t even notice she’s clapping fiercely until everyone quiets down around her and she only stops her palms when Trixie looks at her before leaving the stage. She looks for the closest seat, doesn’t want to move and have that as an excuse for Trixie not finding her, and wonders if - hopes - Trixie will come find her.

She does and she has a big smile that makes Katya’s stomach give a somersault - but she also has two drinks in her hands, which makes Katya’s stomach drop.

“Hi, Katya.” She sits down as she slides one of the glasses to her and Katya takes one second away from her dread to consider that Trixie remembers her name.

“Hi!” she says as she takes a hold the beverage, but doesn’t near it to her face. “I missed your entrance joke.”

Trixie squints her eyes mockingly. “It was on purpose, wasn’t it? Don’t lie to me.”

“Of course not, how would I know if your jokes are improving if I miss them? Duh!”

Trixie laughs and sips on her beverage, and Katya knows she should do the same, but she keeps her hands steady on the glass, both resting on the table.

She might as well just say it, right?

“Uh, thanks for this.” She nods towards the glass. ” I don’t drink, though.”

“Oh.” Trixie raises her eyebrows.

“I just-”

“You don’t have to explain. If you don’t drink, you don’t drink. I’ll order you something else.” She moves her hands to take the glass back to herself but Katya holds it possessively, not really sure why.

“You don’t have to-”

Trixie just rolls her eyes. “Tell me what you like, I want to buy you a drink.”

Katya’s in the middle of protesting, but closes her mouth shut at that. I want to buy you a drink. She gulps and lets go of the glass, which Trixie takes to herself.

“A virgin version of whatever that is will be fine.”

Trixie nods and goes up to order it and Katya feels herself relax again.

Is this a date?

Trixie sits back down with a new glass now in front of Katya and she takes it thankfully.

“So, are you from one of those small towns you were singing about, Trixie?”

Trixie considers her, gives off a tiny smile before looking at her again.

“I don’t know, would you say that an hour drive to the nearest McDonald’s would qualify it as such?”

“Oh my god.”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, to be fair I’m from Milwaukee. But like, the middle of nowhere part of it.”

“Hah! Of course. How did I not notice it before.”

“I mean, I’ve lost my accent, so.”

She says it seriously and Katya isn’t sure whether she’s joking or if she really thinks she did, so she tries not to laugh. She fails though, finds it adorable the way she flushes a little and smiles back as she giggles.

“Humf, don’t talk to me about accents, miss Boston.”

Katya leans in. “If you must know, I’m Russian.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Da.”

Trixie squints her eyes. “Are you serious?”

Katya nods and sips on her drink, searches for Trixie’s face to see if her eyes are following her lips. She thinks they are, but she’s always been one for projecting. “I moved to Boston when I was three, though.”

Trixie rolls her eyes and slaps Katya’s arm playfully, and so what if she thinks she feels sparks where their skin touches? “That doesn’t count!”

It’s easy, natural talking with Trixie. Flirting, she considers - maybe. It’s been so long since she’s felt this immediate type of connection with someone, she’s not sure if she’s seeing to much into it.

She sips on her drink again, smiles around the straw at Trixie, and her heart’s as light as a feather when Trixie does the same.

Oh boy is she screwed.

*

Katya ends up leaving the bar much later than she intended for a Tuesday night and still when she gets home she realizes she didn’t ask Trixie for her number. She feels like an idiot for the rest of the week, walks past the bar a few times in hopes of running into her, but apparently she really only goes over on Tuesdays. She settles for the fact that she’ll only see Trixie the following week, isn’t exactly comfortable with how sad she is at the thought, thinks it’s completely crazy she’s already this deep into something - is is even something? - with someone she’s practically only spoken to twice.

It had been for hours though. So much laughter, so much in common. It’s rare that people will get her dry humor so effortlessly, that they’ll laugh so hard and give her all that attention. She wants to repeat that so bad, wants to sit at a bar for a few more hours and then maybe a restaurant and then a café and then anywhere really.

She might want to date Trixie. God, what is happening to her.

Next Tuesday she gets to the bar early again, but this time she refuses to get up from her seat. She won’t miss Trixie’s entrance again, wants to hear every word she has to say and wants to be very attentive to her eyes. She hopes they look at her.

She’s looking so forcefully to the stage she almost misses it. But there’s no way to not notice her pink jumpsuit and long wavy beautiful hair. She’s stunning and Katya’s is unsurprised.

“Hi! I put the pal in high school principal, Trixie Mattel. My first song of the night is going to be a sad one, so please forgive me.”

First song? Katya sits up straighter at the thought. There’ll be more.

She starts the first few chords and the tune itself already saddens Katya. She doesn’t know what Trixie will sing, but she knows she’ll get emotional.

Trixie’s voice is raw as it runs over the words, it’s pain and it’s earnest and Katya knows Trixie’s said she doesn’t always relate to what she sings but that just makes it more awestrucking, really, that maybe all of this emotion in her voice might not be real. How does one fake that? And how could Katya possibly know when she’s being real considering this?

“- Since you’ve gone to Heaven, I’ve struggled with goodbye

And broke a lot of promises I made the day you died

Wish I was more like you, less like myself

And I wish that I could talk to you 'cause I could use your help -”

Katya can’t particularly relate to the words at this moment, thankfully has her entire family living close by and finds happiness in their presence. She can imagine it though, what would be like if a tragedy like that were to strike. She wonders briefly if Trixie’s lived it. The thought saddens her.

When she finishes singing she comes down by the front of the stage, doesn’t bother with going backstage to drop her guitar or whatever it is she usually does in there. She makes a beeline for Katya and sits down by her side, her lips curved in a beautiful smile that makes Katya almost forget all of the sorrow that her words just cause her seconds ago.

“Hey! I’m glad you got here in time to see my first song.”

She’s glad Katya’s there. Maybe it’s not so bad that she’s infatuated.

“I’m glad I did, too. I didn’t know people could convey so much emotion through a song.”

Trixie blushes slightly, almost imperceptibly below her makeup, and Katya is delighted at the sight.

“Yeah, well. I went to drama school.”

“Oh? So you don’t really relate personally to the song?”

Trixie chuckles a little, and Katya knows that whatever joke she’s about to say, it’s gonna be sort of depreciative. “I don’t even have a dad!” And she laughs awkwardly, as if that’s ok as opposed to just not.

“Oh.”

“I had a step-dad growing up. But it wasn't… let’s just say that the chances of my brother being an alcoholic were higher with him than without.”

Katya remembers those lyrics in the song, something about a brother not being sober, and she gulps down the lump in her throat. Trixie doesn’t notice though, for the first time seems to be solely focused on herself, and she takes Katya’s silence as an indication that she should tell more.

She doesn’t have to, but Katya’s happy to listen.

She tells her things that Katya thinks she herself would never tell a stranger, maybe not even a friend, if she was in her place. Tells her childhood traumas and long lost dreams and the hardships that she went through before finding herself in a city she still can’t call home.

And she’s real, she’s so real. Katya can now see the difference between the stage honesty and this by a million miles. It’s astonishing really, it’s beautiful and heartbreaking the way she’s holding herself now, so vulnerable and sincere, and Katya keeps thinking back to how true she sounded as she sang earlier. Goosebumps raise on her arms.

Katya gathers the courage to touch her arm, decides to share a bit too because it seems only fair, but right then they announce Trixie’s name on stage and she remembers that she’d said she would perform again tonight.

“I… I’ll be right back, if you’ll stay?”

She looks uncertain as she asks, sort of in a hurry as they’re waiting for her upstage, and it baffles Katya that she even has to ask. She’s deviating from her regular way, putting on nicer clothes, listening to country music. She’s not leaving that bar before Trixie finishes performing.

“I’m not leaving this bar until you finish performing.”

She’s lost control of her mouth apparently, but as Trixie simply laughs before dashing off to the stage holding her guitar, Katya can’t help but giggle to herself.

“Ok, so this one will be a little more chipper than the previous one. I hope you enjoy it!”

Katya knows she will, is convinced that Trixie is somewhat a sorcerer for getting her hooked up on country music, and she can admit she’s pleasantly surprised at the topics of the songs Trixie’s been choosing.

She loses it when Trixie sings “rolls herself a fat one”, though. This might just be her favorite.

“- You know life will let you down

Love will leave you lonely

Sometimes to only way to get by

Is to get high -”

Katya can’t stop her smile as Trixie sings, almost laughs because yes, she agrees wholeheartedly, but also because Trixie definitely doesn’t look like the type that does.

Katya enjoys the song throughout, and she’s pleased to realise that so does the rest of the bar, as they clap and agree as she sings, send her off with a round of applause at the end. This time she goes to the back of the stage, probably off to put her guitar away and drink some water, but before she does she searches for Katya’s eyes, as if confirming she’s still there.

Katya feels her gaze at the bottom of her stomach. She readjusts on her seat.

Trixie is back within minutes, seems happy that Katya’s still there. She’s happy, too. “I should’ve known that the way into the audience’s heart was to talk about weed.”

Katya laughs but feels a bit ashamed because she also felt more enthusiastic today. Instead, she deflects, “Well, which one are you? The woman getting high on her kitchen table or her teenage self that’d frown upon it?”

Trixie shrugs. “I mean, I got high once.”

“Once?” Katya wants to hide her surprise, but she really can’t.

“Yeah. It was stupid, I was trying to impress this friend. It made me impossiblyhungry-”

“Yeah,” Katya agrees, but apparently Trixie’s not finished.

“I mean, horny.”

Katya almost falls off her chair. “What?”

Trixie doesn’t seem to notice how dry Katya’s mouth has gone, only nods as she moves the straw around on her drink. “Yeah, like, full-on horny. If I were ever to have a threesome, that’d be the day.”

Katya can’t do much but stare, does not want to picture Trixie being high and horny, but can’t really help it. She gulps and focuses on her drink, hopes Trixie can’t tell how bothered she is at the moment, hopes further that if she does, that she’s not uncomfortable with it, but when she finally manages to look back at Trixie, she can’t help her surprise when she sees her smirk.

Oh, okay.

“How about you?” Trixie asks when Katya still can’t find anything to say.

“Thanking god everyday for the mary jane.”

She laughs, but doesn’t break their gaze. “Maybe we could smoke together, someday?”

Katya’s breath catches on her throat, her hands freeze around her glass.

It made me impossibly horny.

Maybe we could smoke together.

She looks inside of herself for the Katya that usually doesn’t get flustered and that goes to bars and can easily get a girl. She really wants that Katya to help her now.

“Absolutely. I always have a joint at home.”

This time Trixie’s the one that stares, her eyes searching and considering. Finally she grins and sips on her drink.

“I guess I’ll have to come over.”

*

Trixie doesn’t come over that Tuesday, but Katya didn’t expect her too. And she’s not too bothered when they part ways, because Trixie tells her she’ll be performing there Saturday as she won the weekly polls and she invites Katya to watch her. And Katya manages to agree immediately and to offer her phone number just in case.

Trixie says she’ll text her so she can have her number too, but she doesn’t, and it’s not until Thursday that Katya realizes she’s an idiot who managed to give her old number.

She gets to the bar Saturday on the agreed time and looks for Trixie everywhere, wants to explain herself before she goes on stage, doesn’t want that stress roaming on her head stopping her from enjoying the show.

Then she sees a short pale blue dress and massive wavy blonde hair and she knows she’s found her. She tries not to stare at her figure as she strides over, wants to reach her before she disappears.

“Trixie! Hi!”

“Oh, hey.” She seems uncertain when she sees Katya. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

“Of course I came. I fucked up last time and ended up giving you the wrong number, that’s my old phone. I’m sorry.”

“Oh!” Trixie exclaims, readjusts the guitar strap on her shoulder. “That’s fine, do you want to-”

Whatever she was about to say, she’s interrupted. “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Trixie Mattel!”

She looks over at Katya, bites her lip, but Katya just reassures her.

“Go on, I’ll sit down somewhere.”

She watches her go and then she looks around. It’s a full house - it is a Saturday - so there are no tables, but there’s an empty stool on the counter and she hops on it.

“Good night everyone. Thanks to all of you who voted for me on the weekly cover night. I’ve been singing songs by Brandy Clark and today I’m just gonna shift a bit and sing a song she wrote for another singer. I hope you enjoy.”

The crowd cheers and Trixie smiles and Katya can’t help but smile, too. It’s another cheerful song, still undeniably country, and Trixie’s voice once again takes the room in stride.

The lyrics are great, too, and Katya feels confident today when Trixie looks over at her when she sings the chorus.

“- Make lots of noise

Kiss lots of boys

Or kiss lots of girls

If that’s something you’re into

When the straight and narrow

Gets a little too straight

Roll up the joint, or don’t

Just follow your arrow

Wherever it points -”

She orders herself a water, drinks it without stopping to breathe and orders a second one.

It’s today.

When she least expects it Trixie’s saying her goodbyes and leaving to the back of the stage. Katya straightens her back, waits for her to appear. She’s there quicker than ever, looks for a stool and when she can’t find one just stands leaning on the counter really close to Katya.

“When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight?” Katya asks her, watches the small dimples appear on her face again as she laughs.

“I’m not really a fan of straight things.”

Katya laughs. “Me neither.”

Right then the person on the stool next to Katya gets up and Trixie sits down, ordering a drink.

Katya’s not backing down.

“So, kissing lots of girls?”

Trixie shrugs, Katya sees her trying to stop her smile. “I’m more interested in kissing this one particular girl as of recently, actually.”

Katya nods, swallows down the nervousness. “Yeah, me too.”

“Maybe we could roll up that joint, now?” Trixie offers, looks expectantly at Katya.

She takes a deep breath and smiles. “We definitely should.”