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sitp-recs · 3 years

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I never expected to be tagged in this game but the lovely @the-starryknight was generous enough to mention my reclists and at the risk of sounding pretentious I will accept this kind invitation! Thank you for thinking of me 💜

I wanna tag each and every creator on this hellsite but I know some of you already did the thing (pls ignore if that’s the case!) so I’ll tag @bixgirl1, @lqtraintracks, @the-sinking-ship, @shealwaysreads, @prolix- @dracoladon, @cibeewastaken, @veelawings, @p1013, @lazywonderlvnd, @l0vegl0wsinthedark, @maesterchill, @slytherco, @drarrytrash, @quicksilvermaid, @fluxweeed, @magpiefngrl, @punk-rock-yuppie, @andithiel, @phd-mama, @xx-thedarklord-xx, @lettersbyelise, @teacup-tai, @tinyhistory, @writcraft, @ohdrarry and anyone else who’d like to do it! No pressure whatsoever, of course :)

Top 5 of 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. 1k milestone celebration: I like this series because it was a statement. I’m really proud of myself for coming up with a mix of drabbles and self-indulgent recs on that week - not only I got to spread love for fics usually overlooked because of their length, I also established my blog as a safe space for all kinds of ships and kinks, which has always been my priority due to previous fandom experiences. Knowing that authors feel seen and appreciated for fics that aren’t mentioned often (if at all) is so rewarding. Hopefully this has inspired everyone else to adopt DL;DR and kinktomato in their fandom lives, as well as encouraged both authors and readers to indulge themselves more often 🙌🏼

2. Drarry for Beginners: I’ve always been a bit hesitant about making anything resembling an ultimate/must-read/classics reclist. I’ve been in the fandom for a long time but there’s so much I haven’t/won’t read and to me, reccing is still something extremely personal. I’d hate to think someone feels like they should read everything I put on my lists, because they limit the fandom and bend it to my personal tastes. It’s only a small portrait that doesn’t convey how big and diverse the Drarry universe is. That being said, I’ve received some generous and wonderful feedback about this project which makes me so very happy and relieved because I’ve worked really hard on it. I tried to put myself on a newcomer’s shoes at all times, and made sure to include different takes and styles - in fact, I selected some popular tropes then set some ground rules hoping to avoid the trap of only reccing my favorite stuff. I’m thrilled to know it’s actually helping people navigate this huge wonderful fandom, that’s all I could ask for 🙌🏼

3. Smutty reclist: another self-indulgent little thing I did recently. It was a bit insane to put all those lists together and publish two per day but I’ve had so much fun doing it! I’m quite proud of myself for accepting that I wouldn’t be able to write reviews for each fic, and understanding it would be okay, they would still be personal and special. I also like that I decided to make this something more “me” - I brushed BDSM aside and included fics with Blaise and the Weasleys because I’ve been into them lately - and the fact that people still enjoyed it was really nice :)

4. Old gems reclist: I loved this one because it was super fun to track all those old goodies down. I’m a nostalgic hoe in general and this list made me look back at the 00s with fondness and think of my “first loves” back when I was starting to read works in English. I keep telling myself I’m gonna revisit some of them when I have time but ughh they’re all ass-long epics and where’s the time to properly enjoy it 😭

5. Finally, my fave single recs! I’m particularly proud of the one I did for Modern Love - after reading the fic I thought it would be impossible to put my incoherent thoughts into words but in the end the process was pretty smooth. I knew right away what I wanted to use as the banner motif (which is usually the hardest part because I’m a pretentious shit when it comes to those) and from there everything felt so natural! I was thrilled to know one of my all-time favorite reads was written by my friend @tackytigerfic and somehow that excitement made writing down my thoughts so much easier because for once I was writing them for Tacky and not the readers. It’s one of the most emotional recs I’ve ever written and hopefully it resonated with other people! I also have a soft spot for my rec for That Old Black Magic by @bixgirl1, which I did back when my blog was still a smol baby and my commentaries were way shorter with less rambling lol. That banner is my ultimate fave, I find it so pretty and I think it captures the mood I was going for, evoking the ending’s gentle atmosphere.

#top 5 2020 #meme tag #thank you the-starrynight 💗#drarry

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alywats · 3 years

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June/ July 2021 Reading Wrap-Up

So, it’s been a minute, huh? I finished my first year of grad school on June 8th, turned 23 on June 9th, and went face-down-head-empty on June 10th. I am trying to be better about managing burn-out, but that is a discussion for another time. Let’s get caught up on my spicy literary opinions, shall we?? I read significantly less than normal in June and July, but we still have 8 whole books!

1. Shrines Of Upper Austria –Phoebe Power (71 pgs) 4

This is a special poetry collection, because it was written by the person who taught me the most about poetry. In 2018 I signed up for a poetry class during my semester abroad in England, and Phoebe was my workshop leader. Cut to 3 years later, and I still think about pieces of advice Phoebe gave me, every time I write. This collection was published while I was there, and I actually went to the release event and heard her perform some of the poems, but for some reason I hadn’t gone back and actually read the whole book until now. I love this collection a lot, it’s a mosaic of European stories and histories, specifically as they relate to WW2. I think Phoebe has such a strong voice and such a unique style of writing, in ways that may make some of her work a little difficult to unpack for some readers. Anyways, Phoebe was the first person I ever showed my writing to, she even gave me feedback on a poem that went on to circulate tumblr (lol), and she understood my voice before I really understood it myself… anyways I think you should read this if you’re into poetry!

2. Crush –Richard Siken (62 pgs) 5

I don’t know if I have the right words to describe this book. Are they love poems? Sometimes. This was an absolutely haunting reading experience. All of the poems in this book are so desperate, so obsessive, so panicked, that by the end you just need a deep breath. There is so much blood in the lines of these poems, and I think that’s the best sell I can make? I HIGHLY recommend this.

3. Grocery List Poems –Rhiannon McGavin (80 pgs) 4.5

The last thing I read on The Day I Read A Bunch Of Poetry, and it was by one of my favorite poets. This is Rhiannon’s second collection, and uh, can we get some commotion for the fruit imagery??? I really like this collection, it is very cohesive and so full of her voice (which I have come to love a lot). My favorite poem in this book is Elsa la Rose and I want everyone to read it.

4. West Of Here –Jonathan Evison (486 pgs) 3

Here, my guys, is where things took a turn. I started reading this book on like June 10th, and I did not finish it until JULY 12TH. I don’t know if my brain just finally needed to shut down after finishing a year of grad school, or if this book was actually just that painful to read. Maybe it was some combination of the two, but good lord this book was hard for me to get through. The premise was great: historical fiction about when Washington became a state with a current day Bigfoot B-plot. Woof though: I was annoyed by every character in this book (oh and there were about 37243875 characters to keep track of across two different timelines), plus I was also kind of annoyed by how #woke and #girlboss some of the characters from the 1800’s timeline were? Clearly Evison was trying to skirt around some of the *ahem* problematic elements of colonizing Washington and treating Indiginous people the way they were treated, and also the way women were treated in the 1800s, etc… but it came off as oversimplified and cringy. This would have been a 2-star review BUT THAT BIGFOOT B-PLOT? I am a simple woman.

5. The Pisces –Melissa Broder (270 pgs) 3.5

Haha, what? This book has mermaid sex. Okay, it also has some big Ottessa Moshfegh-esque character study elements, where we meet an unlikable narrator and relate to her *too much* for comfort. This is a read where you feel uneasy the whole time and the ending kept me awake for a little while after I finished it. It’s gross, it’s weird, and most of all there is a fish man ready for action. Did I like this? Who’s to say, really.

6. All The Light We Cannot See –Anthony Doerr (531 pgs) 3.5

This I read as a buddy read with my good friend Carly! Carly and I met the first day of college and we did music stuff together throughout. Now, we are both yelling about books on the internet (her book instagram is @book.trunks if you want to check out her hot takes!). But on to this book…. sad, just sad.

This book kind of wrecked me? And I did really like the writing. I became invested in the characters immediately, and the structure of the book felt like a kind of fragmented flashback, which is fitting for a traumatic book about WW2. I am becoming really sensitive to the ways authors use trauma like this though, did this book make me feel things because it was full of good, emotional writing? Or did descriptions of extreme suffering evoke those feelings because I am a human and WW2 was a nightmare? Does this matter? I don’t know, but this book was sad and I *think* I liked it?

7. Sweetbitter –Stephanie Danler (356 pgs) 2.5

This is pretentious lit-fic in its most pure essence. An overwritten coming-of-age/ finding yourself novel with minimal plot set in New York City, baby –the city of dreams! Our protagonist has a tragic past, and working in a fancy restaurant shows her things about the city and its people that make her question her place there. There’s sex and drugs along the way, and maybe NYC isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, hmm? Or, maybe this is *exactly* where she’s supposed to be. Does this sound exceedingly boring and predictable, because it was.

8. Supernatural Strategies For Making a Rock ‘n’ Roll Group –Ian F. Svenonius (250 pgs) 4

This is a quirky little nonfiction (memoir?? art piece?) about what it means to start a rock ‘n’ roll band! I thought this was super interesting and it reminded me of Chuck Klosterman’s writing a bit, so no complaints here!

#reading wrap up #july reads #June reads #books #book review #booklr

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 4 years

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Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for!

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

#rote #realm of the elderlings #royal assassin #royal assassin spoilers #fitzchivalry farseer #realm of the quarantine

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈✨ instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

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threadsketchier · 4 years

Note

Nos. 18 and 27 from the fanfic writer asks, please. :)

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

*sucks air through teeth*

I hesitate to call anything a true 100% abandoned WIP, but if I categorize them as just on Really Long-Ass Hiatus™, I have four:

Love Thy Enemy is technically a WIP because it’s definitely not meant to just end where it currently ends. But it’s one of those “this is too massive and involved for me to keep it going.” Even if I broke it up into a series of shorter bits, it’s still A Lot.

I’ll Come With You - ahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa, my other semi-pretentious, crack-done-mostly-serious magnum opus. It went down with the rest of my older stuff when I rage-quit off AO3 and the JCF; I got stuck on one fucking scene because I can’t write two hyper-competent characters sparring with each other to save my life, and then spending enough time letting it lie fallow made me feel like it was pointlessly done for the sole purpose of giving Luke more manpain at the expense of Mara going through more mental trauma. I do have a Google doc with an “Ultimate Remix” version (and we’re talking like balls-out pretentious because I’m formatting it with the same fonts and layout style of Zahn’s original novels and gave it a dedication page and all that jazz) but it hasn’t gotten past the first couple of chapters. My goal was to spend more text focusing on Mara’s issues and make it even more serious and eliminate virtually all of the cracky elements to try to do less of a disservice to her.

Gilded - looooooooool, the fic that shouldn’t even exist, it’s such a trainwreck. This one had the brakes put on because of time limitations (*cough* Darth Real Life) and of course with distance now I also feel like why the fuck did I bother with this, this is beyond masochistically stupid, and I also feel retroactively shitty about one element I included and didn’t do properly and now I don’t know how to fix/take that back without scrapping the fic and redoing it again

A private fic written for one friend that is halted for no other reason besides I don’t have infinite time and yeah I feel horrible about it (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

There’s a bunch of other riffraff floating around my Google docs but those are the main ones.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Lol, no, I just wing it in a doc once it gets going - Libero has taken it to a whole new level of flying-by-pants, because this is the first time I’ve written a fic entirely through Tumblr’s text posts with no backup elsewhere. Yeah, I’m living way too dangerously. XD (I do a shitload of Ctrl+C as I’m composing.)

Otherwise I used to use a word processor like Word or OpenOffice/NeoOffice, and then came the year I decided to trash all of my ancient works - I don’t mean the aforementioned rage-quit, I’m talking allllllllll my old crap, all the way back to when I was in high school in the early 2000s - and later on in a fit of regret tried to recover them and most of them remained lost due to weird incompatibility issues; the documents could be recovered but they’d become gibberish. It’s OK, the world didn’t really need to see those fics XD but now I just stick to Google docs and let the government see my stupid feels, lol. I’ll leave notes and chunks of dialogue that randomly hit me at the bottom of the WIP document, but no, I’ve never used formal outlines.

The closest I’ve come to outlines are the music playlists I’ll make for longfics - they’re always 90% or more instrumental/orchestral and not lyrics-based like a movie temp track, and they serve as an audio storyboard. if things change it’s super easy for me to just rearrange or remove tracks. I’ll get a ridiculous amount of inspiration from musical pieces to the point where I’ll try to force the story to match the music, lol.

#my fics #my blabs #fic asks

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starsreign · 4 years

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☆ / @irnmaidn : 🌠 give me all of them !!! 💖 SEND 🌠 && I'LL RECOMMEND A PLOT FOR US TO TRY OUT !! || accepting !!

i added a few recently too so like...this gonna be long sry....

☆ AHRI. i mean...would cass like to meet a sexy fox spirit ?? because she could if she wants !! she’s curious && fairly cordial but she’s very deadly && mysterious && just kind of comes off with an air of uncertainty whether u should trust her or not && i think that’d be fun with cass cause we kno she loves dangerous mysterious women with a taste for biting wit. but in my tangled verse it’s similar to her canon -- she’s a fox spirit && has been alive for so long, ever searching for where her people like her are && where she came from. so perhaps cass could run into her && help ahri post series ?? or she could simply be along for the ride with mysterious && selfish reasons she won’t say but either way it’s always interesting to think about when her cloak finally drops && cass gets to find out about the fox ears && nine tails ;’) also she’d probably flirt with cass sry not sry

☆ NEEKO. iiim admittedly still working on her tangled verse cause she’s a chameleon but pls love my lesbian chameleon girl she deserves the world tbh ?? she’s extremely sweet despite her entire tribe being destroyed && killed && she FELT every single bit of it && felt her people fade away. she’s pure sunshine but she WILL fight when she has to, when there’s no other option or when people with good sho’ma are endangered. she’s looking to make a new tribe for herself now -- made up of everyone, not just oovi-kat, so she really takes in everyone who she can && who is willing. she can shapeshift by extending her sho’ma to other’s sho’ma which is a sort of spiritual essence && she can borrow their appearance, gain current emotional state && recent memories to better camouflage as them && immediately kno friend from foe so i think it’d be rly neat tbh for cass to encounter that ?? plus with neeko she wouldn’t have to open up too much or have to fight to express her emotions or voice them since neeko can feel && sense && taste emotion -- they have colours && tastes to her. she can also split herself into two, sending out a clone of herself while she becomes invisible && has a lot of floral / plant based magic as well so i think she’d rly vibe with ur cass portrayal !! but tbh she’s very chipper upbeat && kinda rapunzely personality wise -- she’s just very curious about the world && wants to learn everything since she was from a magical tribe that isolated themselves from the world, so for hundreds of years she’s literally ONLY known her tribe && their home && it’s EXTREMELY different from the world ?? she’s so used to not physically speaking && just extending sho’ma && reading emotions from each other, so she struggles with communication && that can frustrate her sometimes, but she’s knows emotions && she can see past like faking things or past all those walls she’s got up !! it’d be neat...theyd be....cute tbh... i rambled too much but i just rly love neeko sm n if u wanna kno more about her or any of these u can ask too !! also...not for nothing but neeko rly rly loves n swoons for strong badass ladies !!

☆ KINDRED. kindred is literally just...y’kno...death, the grim reaper whatever u wanna call them !! they’re as old as the concept of death && started as one man who cleaved himself in two so he’d have a friend -- they understand the deep pain of loneliness despite having each other now because they were born from loneliness. they’d sense that from her && i think there’s plenty of times she could have met them, when death was near to her or around her && theyre certainly not entirely happy about her resurrection. they’re easily translatable into any verse but they are very ethereal && magical && love to play with people. so anything considering death. near death or perhaps just running into them if cass happens near a particularly brutal bandit robbery about to take place on the road that ultimately she wont be able to stop even if they tell her about it :’)

☆ HANA. hjdksmd u kno i love these already n all we’ve talked about aa !! but also i’d literally be up for anything i love them sm already !! but like ?? soft moments ?? cass getting to come to her kingdom ?? getting to pilot the mechs n getting to just uuhhhh live her life be free n be happy ??

but also :eyes: hehe what if we also have a plotline where hana finds out about the moonstone thing n meets her while she has the moonstone n tries to talk her down :’) possibly mushy stuff they don’t wanna say could come out too mayhaps :thinking:

☆ AMITY. she’s a little witch !! in her tangled verse she’s still a witch but she && her family are more in hiding about their powers && school so they’re all hidden away but amity’s family is a very, very noble family with a lot of money && power -- which extends to magic too lol. but it’d be Neat to meet cass n like amity looking up to her ?? she’s a lot like cass tbh, pretentious mean girl type who is rly rly icy n mean n sassy on the outside but she’s soft inside she just CANNOT show weakness n she oof is rly oppressed by her family n standards set for her n she ALSO has a crush on a sunshine girl who happens to be human. n she reads to younger kids n helps them out she’s softe secretly...just has a lot of pressure on her -- her parents wont let her hang around witches with lesser talent either. they’d get along i think after like tension but she’s just a lil teen witch n needs a good strong role model but she could also help cass out with the whole magic thing ykno ??

☆ PERFUMA. ooooh they’d be cute !! perfuma is just...so sweet n positive n !! i’d love to interact with her in any of ur she.ra verses or i could absolutely try to fit her into a tangled verse but i’d absolutely want to keep her plant powers but that’d be neat with ur cass n her powers too !!

oh !! or aaalso, concept: we could have perfuma interacting with chrys !! n like when her n cass start working with the princess alliance n her helping them out n giving them insider info even if shes nervous n its dangerous n just perfuma helping her with that n giving her pep talks about her being brave ?? helping her with fashion stuff, helping her adjust to life where her sister can’t help as much ?? that’d be so cute bhadjksbh

☆ AKALI. hehehee akali n cass would be hilarious at first i swear it -- they’re both headstrong, stubborn && sassy tbh. she’s from an order of acolytes that try to keep the balance of the spiritual / magical realm && the outside realms; she was raised in it && her mother && father were higher ups && very powerful in the order -- her father died in an attack led by her master’s friend on the order && they had to flee && try to remake with smaller ranks when she was very young. she succeeded her mother as the fist of the shadow but could not vibe with the way her master wasn’t taking action like she wanted to -- she wanted to restore balance in her way && she wanted to spill blood to do it because that’d be the only way to do it, so as an adult she just peaced off to do it her own way. && tbh that could fit in with a tangled verse -- just in the shadows, keeping the balance of magic unseen to most. she’s a trained assassin && she can literally throw three kunai && pierce three different hearts while in the midst of a smoke bomb like she’s insanely good -- she is also tiny n has some amazing muscles on her arms back && has very visible abs n she sexy n she kills me daily !! but they could get along ?? she does some magic but she was never the best at it tbh but depending on where in the timeline they meet it could be interesting ?? like s1 would be neat for her to meet someone like akali ?? another strong woman fighter but she also comes from a place that praised women’s strength instead of putting it down -- buuuuut she was hiiiighly ignored by her own mother in favour of another neophyte growing up so....ykno...Mood right ?? it stings a lot -- she saved everyone from a corrupted tree spirit n had the girl she looked up to spit in her face because she lost her leg n blamed it on akali && then her mother praised the girl instead of akali despite the other kids telling her what akali had done n singlehandedly dragged them to safety n she was like around nine or ten or so at the time... but it’d be cool if they met s1 n got to kno each other n maaaybe akali joins them on their journey since it has a lot to do with restoring the magical balance of the world n they could use a master assassin but also...the angst with cass taking the moonstone n the conflict akali would face about having to oust her cause ykno...shes fucking up the balance n thats her ykno....entire purpose riiiip

☆ WIDOWMAKER. IDK BUT OOF i love widow. i haven’t thought about a tangled verse or a fantasy verse but like uuhhh something about being a french noblewoman married to a freedomfighter but ending up being brainwashed by some magical sect or talon but they’re part of zhan tiris crew or whatever ?? might be neat. she killed her husband && she’s just a little bit possessed now && a ruthless killer. so maaaaaybe....her trying to stop them on their journey to the dark kingdom ?? but her brainwashing starts wearing off the more she’s away from the source tbh -- but also, she’d be on cass’ side when she has the moonstone n honestly that’s very powerful, she’d have a very powerful ally to keep her on track && help like tell her she’s doing great because in the end she’s on zhan tiris side && she can probably see her the whole time && would be working to help get her back to power. also up in the air whether she ends up regaining herself later on && helping cass escape or whatever but she’d feel intensely guilty yikes but anyway i think it’d be honestly rly rly interesting n i’d love to do something with this if u’d be up for it bhdajkmd n like i said we can talk about any of these if u want too !!

☆ BENSON. i have zero ideas for this right now because his series is just so far removed from tangled....it’s a post apocalyptic universe where there’s extremely large animals some of which can talk n want to destroy humans who all live under the surface mostly except the ones who try to survive on the surface. TBH u’d love it...i think u’d love wolf specifically too ?? i dont wanna spoil anything but yeah it might be something u might enjoy ??

but also like mlm wlw solidarity pls ?? he’s a pretty carefree but smart gay teen, he’d get along pretty well with her n play off her iciness cause he’s just like that ?? he started off just caring only for himself n his bug buddy n just thieving a lot but like got a lot of character development -- but i guess he could be a thief in tangled verse ?? n like grow out of it or she could show him there’s better ways n stuff ?? idk...

#irnmaidn #˗ˏˋ 🌟 answered ›› we are not dreams; we are the waking .#˗ˏˋ 🌟 ooc ›› i told you i dropped the gun but i lied .#[ i think....i got them all...for now lol BUT UHHH YEAH LET ME KNO if u like any of these ?? im pretty excited about all of them but theyre #all just base rambles of ideas we can work off idk dbhajskmd ]

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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768

Doesn't it just piss you off when people brag about drugs and stuff? If the bragging sounds very “look at me I’m so cool and edgy, and you’re not because you haven’t tried it” it does get annoying and I just mute them in my head as I nod along. I don’t mind it if people raise it casually. You do you, just don’t be pretentious about it.

Have you ever egged a person? No, that just sounds stupid and is such a waste of food.

Are you a TV person, or prefer to actually leave the premises of your house? I normally like a healthy balance of both but eugh, these days I’m obviously so sick of having to stay home for this long. I will definitely be a bit of an extrovert once this is all over.

What do the home phone numbers start with in your area? Mine is 9. 8. It used to be different for all homes, but the main phone company in the country institutionalized the system not too long ago and announced that all numbers and hotlines were now going to start with 8.

Would you come to Australia if you had the opportunity? If everything was paid for or if it was a vacation planned out by my parents, sure. It wouldn’t be my first pick for a vacation as I feel like some parts of it have weather too similar to ours, and I simply just have other countries on my list that are bigger priorities for me to travel to.

I hope you said yes. Sorry bout that. I think it’s an interesting place though!

Are you with the teens these days? I’m still very aware of the trends. I share memes as if I was still a teen lmao and I definitely still use whatever slang is in, but I also don’t participate in a number of trends, like Tiktok or Instagram.

Or do they just piss you off with their attitudes? I haven’t seen anyone disrespectful in a while, but then again maybe I’m just biased towards the high school kids from my alma mater that I’m Facebook friends with lmao. Honestly, I don’t know a good number of teens anymore to have an informed opinion about them. The ones I know are very nice, not one problem about their attitude at all - but are definitely more vain and conscious about fitting in and looking good on social media than how the past waves of teenagers used to be.

You working? I am not. Yet. I will be very soon, hopefully.

Where abouts? What do you do? Just wait a little more, I’ll be updating you before the year ends.

You want a career, or happy with just a job? I’d wanna go jump right ahead and start building my career. Never really been a beating-around-the-bush kind of person.

Are you all for second chances? Not a fan.

Do you think anyone on the outside of a situation has the right to judge? Not always. I always take into account what that person might be going through, but I also recognized limits. I will never judge someone who just got an abortion, but like I also wouldn’t think twice about anyone who’s sexually abused someone else.

I hate kids cause they're all a bunch of layabouts. Why do you hate them? I don’t hate kids. If they’re acting terribly, I usually blame it on their environment or on their parents.

How cool was the 90's? Cool enough for a number of its trends to make a comeback today lol, like high-waisted jeans, chunky sneakers, and fanny packs. I don’t like the cheesy girl group/boy band love songs though.

What era had the best music? 2010s mainly because this is the first decade I got to emotionally connect with music at the same time they got released. Some songs in the past decades are important to me too, but I feel detached from them due to them being released way way back.

Do you find it weird that you've actually lived in 2 milleniums? Not really. I found it cooler when I read about people being born in the 1990s being alive for technically three (now four) decades. The math didn’t make sense to me at first but it felt like such a mindfuck when I finally understood it.

Has it occured to you that people won't see that for 1000 more years? No. Now it does.

Name someone you haven't seen for years. Raegan. She was a good friend of mine from prep and super super super insanely rich, it almost felt like I didn’t deserve to be her friend, much less be invited to their giant ass house lol. The last time I saw her was at my 7th birthday party during the summer, but she changed schools by Grade 1 and I haven’t seen her since.

Do you ever wonder if they think about you? I doubt it. We’ve lived very different, distant paths since then. It’s so weird though because even though we haven’t met up in 16 years, she literally just studies in the university beside ours. Literally a stone’s throw away. We’ve never seen each other at the nearby mall or anywhere in the area though.

So do you drink? Sure.

If you do, are you actually legally allowed? Yeah, for the last four years.

What about smoke? Yeah, but definitely not as much as I drink.

Into any of that hard schmak? Hard pass.

I think i may have made that term up. You smoke weed? Nope.

Did you know that weed might not be linked to skitzos afterall? I have no idea what you mean.

You know any Sams? A good amount, it’s a common name. I have a cousin named Sam, a former best friend, and I also went to school (both high school and college) with a good chunk of Sams. Kissed any Brads? I have not.

You have a pet named Bruiser? I don’t.

What's the best thing about Summer where you live? Going to the beach in the province. There isn’t anything exciting about summer here in the city, so we typically have to travel to have some fun.

Do you get snow there in Winter? We don’t get snow.

Do you wax your eyebrows? Nah I’m scared of most hair removal procedures because I’ve seen how red people get in the area that got worked on after leaving the spa lolol. Pluck or shave is fine with me since I’m not all that conscious about my eyebrows anyway.

Broken a bone? I have not.

Are you one of those people who do all communication over the internet? Right now, I don’t really have a choice. Normally my other options would be text or personally speaking with someone.

I think it's sad. I've heard of wedding invites being sent over facebook. It’s definitely cheaper and more efficient, but it just feels super impersonal to me. I’d still send out physical invitations, but I would also create a Facebook event to keep track of attendance and to send announcements if ever.

How do people know that there's a God? For some people, believing and faith have had a positive impact on them and they’re things that have influenced and molded who they are. It’s not invalid, but I preferably wouldn’t hang out with that kind of crowd.

How many places have you travelled to by plane? A. Lotttttt. Six countries, but way way more local provinces.

#survey #surveys

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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Random writer tip that probably only works for some writers who are like me in this particular way:

Okay, so if you’re the kind of writer who is all about knowing you have that audience, someone actively reading what you write...Like you’re after the instant gratification feel...for instance if you write fanfic, you can’t wait to post an update as soon as you finish it, sometimes you don’t even bother editing first, you’re just like, I gotta upload, people gotta read this, I need to know its being read? That was the whole point of me writing it, the only reason I put my butt in chair and write?

Like if you’re that kind of writer as opposed to someone who takes a more methodical approach or needs everything polished before anyone else puts eyes on your work....here’s something that works for me, to without fail cut through any kind of writer’s block and boost my productivity/writing speed.

Basically, if I’m having trouble motivating myself to sit down and just write, like if it feels intimidating because of how much I need to write or how difficult a scene is or I’m just having trouble getting myself to put butt in chair and keep it there? Instead of writing by myself into a Word doc or Scrivener file, I hop on a chat app that has a full screen function, where I can enlarge the chat window so its just as wide as any writing software, and start a chat with a trusted friend or beta or critique partner. Someone who I know reads my work and enjoys it and who I don’t feel a lot of worry or insecurity about seeing my unedited stuff or judging my less-than polished product.

And then I just...write. Directly into the chat, same as if I’m writing a story in Word or Scrivener or anywhere else, just writing it directly into the chat instead, and sending at the end of each paragraph. Obviously, clear it with that friend first, ask if they’re cool if you do this today....for me at least, they don’t even actually have to be there in the chat with me all day or all writing session. Like its not like I expect them to be sitting there on their side of the connection actively reading everything I’m writing in the moment and waiting for the next paragraph. Typically they’ll wander in and out of the chat throughout the day, occasionally make some kind of non-interruptive remark as they catch up on whatever I’ve written since they last popped in, you know just like a ‘oh i love that line, or that bit’s really cool.’ Nothing that interrupts the flow of my writing really, or requires a response or break from what I’m doing...just even slight reminders throughout the day that there is actually someone there on the other end, at least once in awhile throughout the day.

And for me at least, it works wonders, because the nature of my writer brain, like, what fuels or drives me as a writer is just...being read. Sitting down to write by myself into a document that won’t be read by anyone else until I either finish the whole story or book or at least a chapter of a fanfic that I then upload....that can be daunting at any time, without warning, because like....writing IS work. It IS taxing. It takes effort. And if you’re not someone for whom the act of writing itself is its own reward, if like me you’re someone who doesn’t really get what they’re looking for out of it until they know someone else is reading what you wrote, its made the leap from your brain to theirs and is now...out there, being perceived as you intended...then just writing directly into a document file with no guarantee of when or even if it’ll end up read by someone else, that ends up being work with only the potential for the payoff you’re looking for in specific, the actual desired end goal of the act of writing as far as you’re concerned.

I mean to be clear, its not even necessarily approval of my writing that I’m looking for, praise or positive feedback or even feedback at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love all those things, sure, who doesn’t.....I just mean that for me at least, writing is just a means to an end, and the end goal for me has always been storytelling itself, whether or not that sounds a little pretentious to say like that, haha. But I just mean....I don’t need or expect everyone to love everything I write....but I need at least someone to read it, you know? Because that’s the entire point of writing for me, the only reason I do it. So that the story isn’t just stuck in my head with no one but me ‘reading it’, but its been read by someone else, someone else has gotten something out of it, not just me myself.

So this writing hack for me is just about cutting straight to that end goal, and making it a part of the actual writing session itself, wherever possible. I hate actually writing. I mean, I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it or whatever. Its work. Its necessary work, but its still....the part where I suck it up and do something whether I necessarily want to or not, because its the only way to get to the point where I DO get to the part I want, the part I’m actually here for.

But storytelling itself....like just the act of sharing a story with even a single friend....that I ALWAYS have time or energy for, because that’s the part I love. That’s the direct fix, so to speak. Even when just telling a friend a brief summary of a new project....I’m excited to do that. So what this trick does for me....is it turns the act of writing the story itself from a necessary but not all that rewarding chore....to doing the part I love...sharing a story with a reader, a beta, a friend, whomever...in any shape or form. I just make the ‘hey let me tell you about this new idea I had’ conversation one and the same with the ‘okay now I’m going to sit down for x amount of time and write the next part of this story/novel/fanfic’ part of the writing process.

And in doing so, I cut right through a lot of self-imposed bullshit that I usually throw up in my own way when writing. It lets me jump right over every reason I come up with for why I shouldn’t sit down and write right now, why I should do something else instead....because I have no reason or motivation to avoid writing, when I’m not writing so much as doing what I’m always eager to do...share something new about a story I’m excited about.

Ever since I figured out this approach, like....my productivity honestly triples, from solitary writing sessions where I’m just typing into Word/Scrivener, compared to chats where I’m writing directly ‘at’ a friend. The latter writing sessions I almost always just breeze through, losing track of time while doing so and ending up with two to three times as great a word count as when I’m just ‘alone’ with my story and a Word doc, no one on the other side of an internet chat either at the moment. I mean obviously its not like I always have a friend available for something like this, even though again its not really something where I have expectations or needs for ‘their side of it’ in order to get the most out of it. Its really just a matter of having that genuine context, that situational awareness that there is someone on the other side of that chat window who is being told the story I’m telling. That’s all I need for that switch in my brain to be flipped. To reframe my writing from a necessary evil (or you know, something similar but less dramatic, like its not that bad, I’m just That Bad) to something I look forward to and am eager for. But purely logistically, even that much isn’t always possible, like if I’m up for a late night writing session and everyone else I know is asleep lol. So its not like this is the only way I ever write ever.

But when I do have someone around and willing to indulge me in this (and I enjoy supplying the inverse of this kind of interaction too, with friends who’ve taken up this method for themselves, its a really easy and effective quid pro quo arrangement with critique partners)....like, just saying. Those are by far my most efficient, productive and downright enjoyable writing sessions, without fail.

So just passing this along. If anyone else thinks something here feels familiar to their own process or thinks this mindset describes their approach to writing or personal interaction with it, it might be worth a try.

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askdurianrider · 5 years

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Bit of a rant here for those who want to read some comments and criticisms about who I think is the biggest 'clean rider' hypocrite to get booted from the WT via text message after his results were so poor he was nothing more than a bench warmer for JV on minimum wage.

Fast forward a few years out of 'retirement' and now magically cookie man is pushing mutant watts per kg on the track first go on a borrowed bike, up any climb he wants and even dropping 50kg Colombians at altitude just days after arriving flying over from from sea level..

One of our mutual subscribers sent me some comments Phil has been sharing around about me. That is pretty disappointing Phil and hey cookie man if your sources are so credible about what you claim then why don't you name them? It is because they are just anon and/or clout chasing trolls? Ive got a credible source you aint the soap bar rider your tattoo claims you are and that source is Tommy D. He doesn't believe you are clean riding those mutant watts. That is right Phil, the same guy Lance taught to rig up doesn't by the dove soap bar commerical you try to put up on social media.

You can see how hypocritical Phil is wrapping his soap bar tattoo around one of the biggest dopers in US cycling and keeping that omerta strong. You social climb off dopers who can help you and then clout chase off others who can't. Pretty hypocritical man! You trash Lance but then are besties with the guy Lance showed how to dope lol!

You never answered the question why you targeted Thorfin on social media. Why you talk so much smack about a guy who never done anything to you? He rigged up yeah but so did most of your ex team mates but we don't hear you ripping into them like you do Thorfin. Actually you don't rip into any of them?Why is that?? Don't you find that hypocritical Phil?

What did Thorfin do to you? I get your hate against me after I called you out in private for being on that Tijuana anti anemia voodoo potion ampules (Ive ridden with a lot of riggers in my time and in my opinion you are the most overt based on the watts per kg you pushed up Norton's that no WT rider could match). Seriously, what did Thorfin ever do to you?

You also block, delete and try to shame anyone who points out the fact the 'custom high end carbon frame' you sell for $2500USD is nothing more than an LCR007v that is made and painted by Alibaba seller Lightcarbon/Yishun that they sell for about $5-700 in any custom paint you want. They made and painted your bike Phil and it is very poor of you to lie, deny and try to bully people who point that out don't you think? It makes that LA cheesy smile even more fake and pretentious.

Anyways if you think any of the stuff Ive said above is untrue then hit me up for a live debate and lets hear your explanations. Im all for freedom of speech and open communication in front of an audience. I hope you are too. PS: The rape jokes you put in your book and continue to chose to have in your book is really low man. It is so explicit I don't feel comfortable putting it here for anyone who actually has been raped but anyone can google what you wrote in your book if they want to see it.

#phil gaimon

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onewomancitadel · 3 years

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Writing my own stuff atm but dealing with writers block. How exactly do ya deal with it?

I saw those other asks you sent me and contemplated them. The fanart you sent I'm not sure about the source so I don't wanna post publically. XD

Well I think writer's block is made up - or what we think of as writer’s block isn’t particularly accurate or might be several different things. That is, I think most people normally need to take mental breaks from writing and seem to think if one just sits there it will magically happen. I also think the mantra of disciplined writing is also a bit silly because I don't think writing is a chore either, unless one construes of 'discipline' in a positive sense like - hygiene, ritual, etc. (I would say ritual is how I think of writing).

So yes, I think time away from writing (staggered, actual mental free time off writing) is necessary, especially new experiences, or mindfulness with other things one is doing. It's not like I'm saying you need to ride a dragon to write about a dragon, but I mean more a phenomenological sensitivity. If one is paying attention to how things make one feel, then it can transform the essence of one's writing. I think, anyway. I also keep a list of memories and feelings, but that’s more of a me thing and how I like to write... and the things I miss and love, or hate. It’s fun to collect things and remember how they feel, especially when they move me to tears or I miss them desperately. Writing accidentally became one of my favourite hobbies because I feel like my overreaction to things finally mean something and I can stop annoying other people around me when I’m trying to communicate a particular feeling.

Then I make a ritual out of writing. It's not really very disciplined because deadlines make me stressed and I lose my mind, so I try to make it that time I put aside to write has a certain order of steps which lets me loosen up because I'm extremely, extremely neurotic, and I struggle with severe mental illness, such that doing normal and simple tasks (especially ones which might bring me joy) is difficult. Most of the time that ritual just means listening to music and reading poetry, and also having done certain things like showered for the evening and brushed my teeth after dinner, or unbraided my hair. Even if it's not very related (the music that is), though preferably it should be (thematically), I listen for a while until I forget about how anxious I was feeling re: my writing being bad, idea bad, me bad, me stupid etc. and for poetry I branch out a bit, like the other day I was reading Ovid and I'm not even the type for Romans, not at all.

Then I write and keep doing that for a while, I also keep wordcount off altogether and don’t track progress except through actual plot beats, not until I’m done. My writing system follows treating the story like an engine. I also have chapter outlines. But that's the nitty gritty, and I'm not at all confident about the quality of my writing to recommend this to other people. But I am on a pretty consistent track regarding updates for Skimming Eye.

The most important part is that it's fun, too. Sometimes when something IS genuinely blocking me (like a plot or character beat) I try to think of a more interesting approach which doesn't retread overdone ground and makes contextual sense.

Er and then also on a weirder note for me personally but it’s worth mentioning... (editing to add), I do think there is kind of this element of pursuit for a greater ideal or a greater thing to work towards... and I think that can be personally motivating as something to try and realise. That both means there’s something unique about the story I want to tell or the observation I want to make and it also feels personally meaningful for me to do so. Sounds pretentious, but I don’t mean it that way, honestly lol.

Good luck with your writing! Most of all I want to emphasise I’m not a superb fount of knowledge and I hope I don’t sound up myself... but I do appreciate you sending an ask about it and I hope you can write and have fun.

#seraphina's asks #user: redhoodhungergames

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kindspaces · 4 years

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text from July 31 - i have a hard time thinking of things especially kung yun na yung araw para pag isipin ako. DO NOT STRESS ME PLEASE. so here's something a few months late (31 of July) at siguro babaguhin ko rin yung ilan ilan na information pag natripan ko bago dumating yung araw na yun. as of now, andito lang ako nakahiga, nagiisip nang sasabihin ko. dapat nga tulog na ako pero napapaisip ako na medyo malapit lapit na yung birthday ko. 1 MONTH NALANG aaaaaaahhhhh!! (sorry). kakanood ko lang din ng High and Low ni Akira Kurosawa, dami kong natutunan dun. the book based on it is also worth reading. as i try to think of stuff, i try to write down things such as these to pass the time and to make things more entertaining... pure meta. di ko alam paano ko i-eexpress yung feelings ko through text. basta dumadaloy nalang yung kung ano nasa isip ko at tina-transfer ko dito. and i think it's one of those special traits that i have: to speak my mind and to not give a fuck about things. medyo teenage angst at amoy depression yung tunog, pero totoo. i couldn't care less about things and vice versa. medyo energetic ako ngayong madaling araw kaya i'll try to contribute to this in a few. ENJOY!!!

QUICK STORY. nung bata bata ako, masaya pag birthday. siyempre, special ka pa nun at inosente sa pera at sa iba't ibang bagay na out of reach mo pa. you're well fed, well clothed, well bathed and all that. feeling like royalty. pero once i turned around 12 or 14, i started to wonder; why do these people do these things for me? and some other questions around the lines of that. i mean, yeah, birthday ko nga, pero, dapat ba may handaan pa? di ko alam. sa totoo lang di ko alam. kasi siguro Filipino tayo kaya ganun yung nature natin tuwing birthday. pero the more i get older, the less i get entertained about birthdays and greetings. greetings mostly. i have always hated invites and greetings from people. it’s a long story that i still try to decipher from my childhood but a bit too complex for you and for myself also. but now, i am trying to learn and to adapt things that is a common human function and as to what we are purposed to do. i know it sounds weird but hear me out, i am not what you think i was before. today, i have learned from a few of my mistakes and tried to avoid deep troubles. but mostly, i still think about my past and how fun (and horrible) it was sa totoo lang. but as they say, "the memories, good or bad, makes you who you are at that very moment." and i agree with that. but now, i try to keep it very secret and only a few know about my birthday. i am a secretive type but mostly i forget that i am one kasi masyado ako madaldal at times- mismong bunganga ko nalang nagsasalita, di na gumagana utak ko minsan kaya may nasasabi akong katangahan sa mga tao (if you know, pasensya na). i try to maintain a very low-key profile and have at least a few people by me. naguusap tayo pa minsan-minsan and those conversations felt like honey. kung kilala nyo sino-sino kayo, oo, kayo yung tinutukoy ko. THANK YOU for tolerating me though. i have been a really shitty friend at times, but i try. we talked about things that meant so much to me and what meant so much to you, tried to go for deep kape-kape table talks din minsan and you were in for it din. kaya salamat. and i know some of you won't consider me as a friend and more of a 'weirdo na feeling nasa fantasy land siya' - i'd still like that.

before 19, i have seen/heard/felt so much through people and places. oo, di pa college o uni pero andami ko nang naramdaman (kasi di ko ramdam yung uni life lol) kaya dito nalang tayo mag nostalgia trip sa panahon na to. highschool felt like 50 years or so gawa ng quarantine na to. i reminisce so much about events na nangyari na at gusto ko balikan. pero it's all in my head now. i will dream about it if i want or i can to. i was never the active sa klase, active sa buhay type of person. mostly nasa ibang lugar yung isip ko hindi yung kung nasan ako nun. that's why i hate myself HAHA.

i am a writer of my own kind. an exploring Bukowski of the mind. a Kaufman of myself. and i always wish to be this juxtaposed, pretentious and FUCKING meta. no rules whatsoever, just me and etong utak ko na kakarag karag. i was told once na i was very imaginative and a visualizer of sorts - i agree in a way oo, pero- that's just shit you tell people to make them feel something. sorry.

text from Today - today is my day. maraming di nakaka-alam na kaarawan ko ngayon eh, yun lang mga tao na naging malapit sakin yung may alam (you know who you guys are HAH) at may ilan-ilan rin na nakaka-alam ng birthday ko kahit di kami masyado naguusap. sorry tagal din nasundan pero eto na ginagawa ko na. nothing really special happened today. tamang tulog lang at nood ng Seven Samurai. sobrang solid wala akong masabi. marami pa akong papanoorin mamaya eh kahit may pasok ako. sana magising ako agad bukas. ewan. di ko alam. basta naging masaya ako kahit sobrang simple ng rollout ng araw ko ngayon. life is going well as far as birthday shit and all. nagkaroon pa ng difficulties kanina sa pizza pero naging ok din naman - wala na akong pera. sarap sana lumabas ngayon kasama mga taong close ko para mag-celebrate kaso may pandemic eh. enjoy nalang sa bahay.

na realize ko din na sobrang importante ng birthdays ngayong panahon na to for some reason. proves that you're still alive after things happened in the last 8 months. big achievement of some sort.

as i read the above text from way back, andami na pala nangyari sakin dito sa bahay na di ko na ma-recall... damn. time flies by so fast kahit wala kang ginagawa. ginagawa ko na rin mga activities na dapat ko gawin kapag wala akong ginagawa o kung bored na bored ako kahit matagal pa deadline- kasi eh, bored ako eh. ano pa dapat kong gawin? edi magsasagot nalang ako tas pasa ko nalang pag oras na nang deadline para may thrill. not a flex whatsoever. bobo pa rin ako.

di ko rin sinabi dito to dahil gusto ko sana special post tong topic na to pero eh eto na yun eh. in the past 6 months nadevelop yung tenga ko for g groups at kpop bands (BLACKPINK, Twice, Red Velvet, etc.). at first, tinatanggi ko pa siya na di ko nagustuhan- pero nung tumagal natuto akong tanggapin na "oo, ang ganda nga ng pinapakinggan ko at di ako nagsisi na pinakinggan ko to." kind of moment. mga kaibigan ko din nagtulak sakin papunta sa movement na to eh in a way na lumalabas sila sa facebook timeline ko once or twice... kaya thank you. thank you for leading me into the light. wag nyo ako tatanungin kung ano favorite kong tracks/albums/ep ng (insert kpop group here) kasi wala akong mai-sasagot dahil lahat yung naging favorite ko na- from top to bottom.

singit ko lang to kasi nararamdaman ko na dapat to i-singit eh. scroll a few texts back sinabi ko dun na masaya ako ngayong araw at oo, totoo yun. pero may kulang parin eh. not that di na-fulfill yung mga gusto or whatnot. pero... may something parin na di ko ma pinpoint eh. pero siguro hayaan ko nalang, baka biglang lumitaw mamaya or sa susunod (who knows?)...

itutulog ko nalang siguro to ulit, sarap matulog eh. tas mamaya puyat nanaman. today was special. thank you sa lahat ng birthday greetings (kahit di pa tapos yung araw tapusin na natin dito heh) at sa mga hahabol pa, thank you din maraming marami.

#fundamentals

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breathingwithdifficulty · 4 years

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im so fucking done of being stuck in the house with my own sister and it’s becoming very clear that her abusive tendencies haven’t really gone away. she has been commenting on what i eat and what i do during the day (which is not a whole lot but... it’s quarantine. sorry for actually listening to social distancing rules unlike everyone in my house and most of the people in my town). she knows im depressed but her constant negativity and criticism isn’t helping. the whole unfairness of our relationship has become really clear. i basically wait on her hand and foot and when i don’t do something she asks of me, she gets pissed and calls me “lame” or berates me like “its not even that hard” or just “seriously? it’ll take two seconds” like damn bitch do it yourself then. im not your servant just because im your nice little sister.

i don’t ever ask anything of her. literally can’t remember the last time i asked her to do anything for me. i only ever tell her to do stuff like “leave me alone” and “stop messing with that” and “please stop, seriously” and “that hurt” (physically or emotionally) and she NEVER i mean NEVER fucking listens. she doesn’t care. she thinks it’s funny to tease me and torment me and irritate me and then blames me for being too sensitive when i finally snap at her because im pissed off. damn, maybe if you weren’t making it hard for me to breathe by suddenly jumping on me and refusing to get up and leave me alone, i wouldn’t have to push you on the floor and yell at you to get out. maybe if you weren’t constantly hypocritical, i wouldn’t be so irritated with you all the time.

we both have to do our homework at home now which isn’t that big of a deal for me since i can focus a lot better than she can and i know that. but she’s so incredibly inconsiderate. she needs complete silence when she’s doing her homework and says it’s distracting for me to even walk past her when she’s working. so i stay silent. i put headphones in to listen to videos or zoom calls and i warn her if i have to record or talk. i try not to get up and get food or use the bathroom too often. im more than considerate.

however, whenever im doing my homework, she’s facetiming her friend, being on zoom calls without headphones and with the volume on high and her talking at full volume (EVEN AFTER i offered her to use my headphones for her calls multiple times because it’s distracting for me and she was like “of course im not gonna use headphones, that would look silly” like bruh) and singing and talking and literally SCREAMING. like wordless, just screaming because she gets frustrated with her work. bro, i get it. but shut the hell up. god, she would kill me if i did some of the things she does to me while she was working. id literally get cursed and yelled at.

she asks me pretty frequently if i think she’s a good person. i think she’s a good person sometimes. i think she’s too sensitive and can’t take any sort of criticism and lashes out at me because she thinks im pretentious and bratty. she’s straight up told me that she used to resent me (starting from when i was literally a BABY) and still kind of does. she says im much better than i used to be. the only reason she thinks that is because i stopped putting up as much of a fight against her. if i ever say something sassy or rude or even just defend myself, she claims im a dickhead brat who’s spoiled and has a bad attitude. really she’s just a sensitive little bitch.

ive lost four pounds in the past couple weeks because ive been eating less by tracking my calories. i haven’t really been eating a whole lot better but i think four pounds is a pretty good start considering how this is the first time ive really tried and committed to losing weight. but even my sister doesn’t think that’s enough.

i eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. she walks up and says “you know, a bagel is equal to like 5 slices of bread.” yes i know. you’ve told me already this week. you told me a month ago. you keep telling me. im just trying to eat, dude, back off and stop trying to make me feel bad because im not eating fruit smoothies and salad and avocado toast like you are. i get it, you’re skinny and healthy and like to pretend you don’t know it but you and i both know that you do. call yourself fat all you want, but my friends have literally asked if you’re a model, you have maybe an inch thick of stomach fat, i can feel the bumps of your spine when i touch your back, and i can see your ribs when you stretch your arms up.

she knows it makes me feel bad when she calls herself fat and she does not care in the slightest. she’s like “oh im getting pretty chunky oh boy” and then ill make a comment about feeling fat and she’ll be like “oh you’re not fat” like bruh i know you think you’re chunky and i have a lot more fat than you do don’t lie to me.

she told me it makes her feel worse about her hairline when i comment about how im insecure about mine. so i stopped saying anything about it. i told her it makes me feel bad when she comments on how im not doing basic things right (cutting an apple, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping. all real examples of things she says im not good at and calls me stupid. how the fuck is someone BAD at sweeping? the floor’s clean now isn’t that what matters?) and she said “well practice makes perfect” and i told her it makes me feel even worse about myself and she was just like “well you don’t know how to clean and you need to learn.”

i know how to clean. ive cleaned my room. ive cleaned the kitchen. ive cleaned our shared bathroom (she came home when i was just finishing up after deep cleaning it and even doing the parts she said she would do because i was just that nice. she immediately criticized me and said i had cleaned with the wrong cleaner and needed to reclean the whole thing again. i said no because that’s ridiculous and it was about to turn into a fight so like the pushy i am i gave in and cleaned. the whole. bathroom. again. but with a different cleaner that wasn’t “greasy” and “only for oil and grease, not bathrooms” and “smelled bad” because that really matters in the long run i guess). i just don’t do it the quickest or maybe the most efficient or the way she would do it but literally WHO CARES. if the floor is swept why does it matter that i didn’t do it as fast as you would. goddamn.

she came into my room while i was drawing on my digital tablet today. i showed her how it worked and everything and she asked to see something that id drawn and i said no (ive never been comfortable showing my art to other people that aren’t strangers online (lol) and she has consistently taken sketchbooks directly from my hands or gone through them when i was in a different room despite me telling her multiple times not to) and she kept asking for a reason and i just said i didn’t want to. she kept interrogating me and i was like “i don’t know what you want me to say” and she was like “i want a logical answer why you won’t show me” and of course i didn’t really have one and so i was just like “i don’t really have one, i just don’t wanna show you because it makes me uncomfortable” and she got pissy and left. fine, leave, don’t want you in here anyways. stop being so offended that you don’t get unfiltered access to everything in my life.

she’s a biology major. im trying to decide on a vague idea for my future major and i can’t remember how it was brought up but i said something about going into STEM and possibly biology and she was like. “aw don’t do that. i mean if it really makes you happy then go ahead but ill be upset and probably a little pissed.” which okay i get that a bit (eh) but ive never even thought about going into bio so she doesn’t have to worry and i told her as much. and then i asked why she wouldn’t want me to and she was like “because everyone knows you’d be better than me at it and i just want to have like... my thing” (i get that too (but maybe if you did your work on time and actually went to class then you’d be better at it. but whatever)) and i said i probably wouldn’t be better but i get that or whatever. and then i think she made a joke and i laughed and she was a few seconds later like “why do you look so smug? like you’re happy about the fact that i think you’re better than me” and i was like “that’s literally not true” and she was like “everyone likes feeling like they’re smart and you feel like you’re better than me and you’re smug about it” (or something like that) and i had to convince her that not i literally do not and am not smug. damn bitch, insecure much? that pissed me off that she would think that low of me to assume that i ENJOYED her insecurities and felt like i was smarter than her. wow. ive told her countless times in depth and with detail that i believe we both have strengths and weakness and neither of us are better than the other, and she still doesn’t believe me. but whatever.

it’s constant, little things like that. ive always managed to let a lot of them slide and that is one of the only reasons she thinks im such a good sister. that and i lie to her a lot about how i feel about her. she says stuff like “im surprised you haven’t killed me in my sleep yet, you’re too good to me, ive been terrible to you” but still continues. but whatever. ive only been waiting for her to move out for four years now, i guess i can wait a few more months (hopefully only that).

she says she’ll get pissed if i don’t call her every week once we aren’t living together and so i say i will but. i don’t want to. i don’t want to tell her about my life and my worried just to have her criticize them or say im being ridiculous. i don’t want to have to live like this forever. im so tired. so so tired.

im not saying it’s all bad. sometimes our donut runs at 2am are nice. and sometimes she is interested in what im doing when no one else is. sometimes, she gives good advice. sometimes we talk for hours on end. she’s one of the first people i go to when im having problems with me my mom. i trust her with somethings. it’s not all bad

but her constant emotional and verbal abuse has shaped me into a scared, pushover little girl with insecurities, trust issues, and guilt. she’s always said i was the favorite and laughs now and says “i think me being mean to you when we were younger was good for you, it too you down a few pegs so now you’re not so spoiled.” it also traumatized me and gave me self esteem issues, but yeah, haha, at least im not a spoiled brat (but to you, i still am, but only when i don’t do what you want or say what you want me to say). thanks for that.

anyways, it’s been a while since ive made a long rant. it’s past 4am and i woke up at 2:30pm today so it’s probably time to sleep and dread waking up in the morning. nice.

4.18.20 4:22AM

#food mention #ed tw #not specifically mentioned but i talked about weight and body image #body image tw #depression tw #emotional abuse #abuse tw #sisterly chronicles #.mine

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rnaryjune · 7 years

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alright let’s get a little more in-depth here and sort out who to root for. working backwards this time.

Raven: likes frankie grande. PASS. like the idea that she’s not afraid to make big moves, but lbh that doesn’t mean squat unless and until she actually goes through with it. the all female ghost hunting team thing is cool though it better come up in the show i demand to know about this.

Ramses: superfan, loves dan (which...okay i never actually saw dan’s season i really only know him from the coaches twist and even then i didn’t really pay attention to him? but anyway i know from the fandom that this is a good sign), he wants to do that SUPER SMART DANIELLE THING of having a person on the other side of the house and keeping track of it that way. that being said, his strategy is a little...TOO thought-out. with a game like big brother you have to be ready to make adjustments and think on your feet, and i’m not sure he’ll be able to do that if necessary. HEY HE IS the obligatory gay man...and a gay man of color at that. which....okay let’s be honest, big brother does not have the best track record when it comes to games of gmoc (Marcellas, Lawon, JOZEA, among others). buuuuuuuut....i’m willing to stick my neck out once more. KEEP.

Megan: eugh she likes frank victor and paul which like...okay tbf i kinda understand from a game perspective because they did pull some interesting moves (and ngl paul’s gameplay was always a bit like how i imagine i would play). but i think she likes them as ppl too which...no. also she says she doesn’t wanna be like vanessa???? THE SIRENS GOING OFF AT THAT STATEMENT. she ain’t gonna last. PASS. oh my god and then later in her bio “ At the same time, there is always that whiny, crying girl that just can't handle the pressures of the house. I would make her my friend and my secret ally. This is the only person in the house I will be loyal to. I'll take her to Final 2 and, since she didn't do anything the whole time, I'll win.” like girl....that’s gonna be you lmao. also she wants to buddy up with a gym-partner guy? can we say obvious showmancer? look if she can back it up with some comp wins then maybe she could pull a rachel but i just don’t see that happening. she literally says she’s gonna play scared which like...yea you’re never for sure safe in the bb house but she is literally gonna go down the vanessa path.

Matthew: HE LIKES DONNY. HE IS IN MY GOOD GRACES. he wants to align with the women too??? tentative KEEP because the fact that he says donny is a good person makes me want to trust that he, too, is a good person. but i’ve been burned before, and besides, as great as it would be to see a mainly female alliance with one guy, so far the girls aren’t impressing me much, so i don’t have high hopes for that.

Mark: you know it makes sense he likes brendon. so yea, definite showmance material. possibly with megan too actually. honestly not impressed. PASS.

Kevin: he doesn’t even have a favorite player he just “met derrick once” lol man u are DEFINITELY not gonna win. unless he can adapt quickly which...is unlikely. “I was Mr. Massachusetts and also won a hunk contest” okay buddy. also he’s all like “being myself will probably work everytime” dude if u don’t win that first hoh u are easy target number one. PASS. probably nice but will not win. no chance in hell. unless something MAJOR happens.

Josh: like evel dick so....look, i’ll be honest, i was very young when season 8 was on so like...idr all the stuff that dick pulled, i mostly know from posts in the fandom. but at the time, i was a huge fan of him, and was thrilled he won. and i mean, he did at least have some gameplay, unlike other despicable ppl in later seasons (*cough* andy). so i mean from a gameplay standpoint, i can see why someone would want to emulate dick’s game. however, i think it would require stealthier manipulation than josh thinks. and the fact that he didn’t need to be on anybody’s good side? nice thought and all, but if he didn’t have danielle and her alliances, he would have never made it as far as he did. you HAVE to have someone in your corner, even just one person. josh underestimates the power of alliance and is probably gonna end up being like a paulie. eugh. PASS. sidenote: dude wants to bring his mom in the house not because he would miss her but so she would cook and clean for him???? LOL FUCK THIS GUY i hate him already. his fun facts aren’t even fun facts they’re just personality traits lmao

Jillian: worried about saying the wrong thing? could be a bad sign or just innocent. i am intrigued by her answers though, so a tentative KEEP.

Jessica: janelle/natalie hybrid? could be interesting and if she says she sees herself in janelle that’s VERY promising. less promising is that she wants to align with a guy. could very easily get sidetracked by showmance. hopeful though, so tentative KEEP.

Jason: oh god almost forgot anbout hfajlfhghfskh RODEO CLWON JfHASFJFlshAL. ahem. he likes James which...tbh i liked him too. look if he’s good enough for natalie then he’s decent enough for me. anyway, i fricking love jason’s answer about his strategy: “yes” that’s it that’s all he says I LOVE IT. also he has a bull??? WE BETTER SEE IT IN THE SHOW. i don’t expect him to win but he seems an interesting person so....KEEP. for now.

Elena: likes james and thinks the strategy is situational aKA THE TRUTH. seems like she might actually be able to play the game???? which seems unheard of nowadays. can’t get a real idea of her character but for gameplay i’ll go with a KEEP for now.

Dominique: “nor do i shy away from controversy” is again something that could go either way and instantly makes me cautious. but let’s look at gameplay. she says she’ll take mental notes of everyone and be observant, and she can read ppl really well, so i want to think she’ll do well. but her indecision over a fave past houseguest is something that makes me take pause as well. screw it, KEEP for now. i’m curious to see what she can do.

Cody: seems smart and obviously physically capable....BUT something in his answers rubs me the wrong way. his reasoning for picking evel dick is something i can agree with, but his strategy is, once again, too airtight. where is the wiggle room? look it’s true the basic building blocks of big brother are generally the same every season but you never know what could get changed. also he’s all like “i’ve never taken a selfie” you’ve never taken a picture of yourself? ever? that seems unlikely but it’s whatever aside from assumed pretentiousness. HOWEVER the real big flag is “i have never been offended not once” buddy that is a DAMNED lie and i caNNOT WAIT until he gets pissy about something in the house and the fandom calls him out on it lmao oh anyway PASS.

Christmas: oh my god she chose HELEN. HELEN OF ALL PEOPLE. THIS IS A GOOD SIGN. idk man i’m very hopeful about this one the fave houseguest is a good sign and i want to like christmas for it....also because her picture is gorgeous but like. she chose HELEN. like im sorry but i feel like most ppl wouldn’t even think of helen. maybe christmas can align with that guy who likes donny??? YES I LIKE THIS. anyway KEEP.

Cameron: well of COURSE his fave is ian like how damn predictable can u be. also he just reminded me of ginamarie and the fact that she won an hoh at some point (how???). that being said, the fact that he’d just tell people that someone is going after them?? bad plan. unless there’s ANY truth to it, but if he pulls it out of his ass he’s going to end up imploding his own game. PASS, not just for meh gameplay but also because he bores me. (seriously i’m so tired of ian clones none of them have been anywhere near as good or interesting why are we still doing this)

Alex: “i can manipulate anyone, including boys” aka she will probably start a showmance. idk with who and tbh idc. her fun facts are actual, legitimate fun facts, and she seems nice, but i don’t get good gameplay vibes. PASS, but i hope she surprises me.

#bb19 #big brother #big brother 19 #read more #long post under read more #caps cw

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supergenial · 4 years

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Top 8 Doujin Albums 2019

Hi everyone, Superthony Genialtano here the internet’s busiest doujin music nerd, and it’s time to bring out the yellow flannel for the yearly roundup that I completely forgot to do last year. Just a neat little list of my favorite doujin albums of the year.

I will include releases from last year’s winter comiket, and won’t include things from this year’s winter comiket though. As I always say: “If you want to be included in yearly rankings, then don’t release your shit in december”, much less in the very last 3 days of the year which is when winter comiket usually takes place. I will also simply list my favorite picks from the year without any kind of objective measuring or strict order, consider them to be placed at random as I do not believe in strict numeric rankings for music. Having said that, click below to continue on to the list and happy holidays to you all.

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-Gensou Crisis by IRON ATTACK! (Metal)

youtube

As I often say, Iron Attack is very hit or miss, and this one's a complete hit. Ever since sadame yuku kamikaze they hadn’t made a song that truly wowed me but this time they went ahead and exceeded expectations not once, but 5 times. The eponymous Gensou Crisis, Nihon no Stage, Isekai Stage, Space Stage and Last Boss Stage are some of the better work they've ever done in my opinion. I also just like how the american stage is chock in the middle of Isekai Stage and Space Stage, like sure, that is a totally normal level progression, America is somehow more badass than a whole other world but not as much as space, sure. Just an awesome album, can easily recommend this one.

(Also pretty funny that they tried to re-capture the glory of Nihon no Stage in their latest album, Japonism, but the results weren’t as good)

-Metatron by DJ DEPATH&M-Project (electronic, hardcore, rave) (Bandcamp)

Yeah, I listen to non-chu2 non-denpa stuff too, don't genreshame me. This album is a banger, just sick, can’t even call it a rollercoaster because it never slows down for any reason. Throughout it's longitudinal 16 tracks it keeps me hyped up, I'm parsing really hard to try and find a song to say something negative about but I just fucking cannot, these guys really went out and made an album with no lulls in it, just a full hour of non stop climax action, though to be fair it is a compilation of their older works so it had to be at least this good. Still, awesome, 10/10.

-Crimson of the Sleeping Princess by Elymusia (Gothic Metal) (Booth)

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I was not expecting to fall so hard for this album but here we are. We've previously translated 2 songs from the album and will probably get around to doing the rest Someday. Tokeitou no majo, owari no hajimari and the eponymous song are all just absolutely amazing tracks among my favorites for the year. Sure, the eponymous does go on for a bit longer than it should, but I still listen to it entirely so that's quite a feat. Kuro no majo Athena is also a really cool track. Steam World and Tada Sore Dake no ohanashi, to be fair, are not amazing but at least they set the tone for the character Machina. The contrast of steampunk characters fighting gothic witches is a really good idea, so I dig it even if the shift from the first to second song is a bit jarring.

I also find it hilarious how in trying to go for an english name for 深紅の眠り姫(Crimson Sleeping Princess) they went and added two unnecessary words, but idk, it makes it funny so it’s cute. Overall great album, liked it from the beginning and it has only grown on me further.

-Kyousou Rinne Roosen Renetto by Ariabl'eyeS (gothic) (translations)

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The sequel to a classic. Anyone could've predicted this is one of my favorites for the year so there's really no surprise here. SUI's song is still a stand out for me, but the eponymous song is also pretty amazing. I really, really would've loved to attend the live as they told the audience beforehand to sing along with a certain part and I'm sure it would've felt so fucking powerful to be there, but we are but slaves to our own prisons in this life. Still, great album, also as far as Ariabl’eyeS goes this is actually their album with the least recycled tunes since automata, so good going for them on coming up with some new stuff every once in a while.

-SPD GAR 02 by Megarex Label (rave) (bandcamp)

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I've had my eye on Megarex Label for a while since their Fugene albums, and they have not disappointed me yet. Just really exciting, new-sounding music. I was actually really debating myself on which was their better album of the year between SPD GAR 02 or NEONSTRIDE and I ultimately went with this one but it's a pretty good sign when a group can put out two amazing records within a single year, even if to be fair it's a collaboration between several music producers and talents. Speaking of putting out too many records in one year-

-Mugen Ayakashi Yakou by Hatsuki Yura (neo-japanese) (lyrics)

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Look, Onyx Veil was an amazing album, sure, I like basically every song in it, sure. BUT I ASK: does it have Yura singing about taking lives with her demon blade? In a duet song with a cool male voice for the sword? No? Didn't think so. Therefore, Ayakashi Yakou edges out a victory if only slightly. This album goes for a japanese sound rather than sticking to the fantasy tunes Yura usually brings us and boy, it fucking works, if you enjoy the likes of Wagakki Band then you gotta give this one a try. Right from the get go Oiran Yagyou is an absolute banger and it's about a cool prostitute, then Renkai shifts things up by being fairly cheerful and when you least expect it, bang: Youtou Raikouzan. Give a nerd a song about a girl with a demon blade and he won't shut up about it. I'm the nerd. Excellent album, but then again Onyx Veil is also high up there for me even if this one edged out the victory, maybe it's just the recency effect why I prefer it, who knows. Also make sure to visit Meri's blog where she has extremely in-depth translations for these and many other albums by Yura, god bless her soul.

-Mukunaru Hoshi no Koujo Planetalica to Yutaka na Shikisai to Uta no Koujo Asterika, by el ma Riu (Fantasy) (booth)

Very conflicted on this one. The imagery to the album is pretty captivating with those two princesses on the cover and the way the title turns upside down, I'm sure Claude Von Riegan would get along with Asterika. This album has my favorite song of the year, which is undoubtedly Ancient Call「火」. Yet the rest of the album is simply good, not super fantastic and not nearly on the same level as the first track.

Naming 4 songs the exact same and having them each represent a different element, I would've expected a fairly similar rhythm to all of them but instead they're all entirely different. I do think the fire one is the real bomb in the album so maybe building up to it would've had a better effect than dropping it right out in the first track. I say all this because prior to listening to the album I remember being super impressed with the last track which is the one she uploaded on her youtube. But once I listened to the album entirely all I was thinking was wow, I want more of that first track, I need more. Not that the rest is bad, but just, the first track is so amazing dear god.

Still, it got me to follow el ma Riu more closely and her twitter presence is honestly adorable, she uses emojis all the time and even name searches herself and gets super excited whenever people praise her and basically, she rules, and her newer albums Vert and Akatoki were also pretty cool so it's an overall victory. Also check out this more recent artwork of the two girls, they’re so cute.

-Zettou no Labyrinth by Ariabl'eyes (gothic) (tumblr won’t let me embed more videos lol)

Yes I'm putting them twice, you know I have favoritism for them so might as well not dance around that fact. No announcement this year has made me as excited as knowing they'd revive chiisana majo to himitsu no hon even if only for one of the 6 worlds in it. Yes, that shit hyped me up even more than the Bravely Default 2 announcement.

It’s also just so weird, like it’s fanservice for me or like I summoned this into existence, like a monkey’s paw. “I want chiisana majo to himitsu no hon 2″ bam, this does it, a forgotten project from over half a decade ago revived for no reason. “I liked that witch better when she had no back story” bam, this has an evil witch with no backstory. “The best songs are the ones with both Luna and Rena” bam, this has like 3 of them, way more than usual. Are they reading me? I doubt it, but this means that their japanese fanbase has been thinking the same things as I so it actually feels pretty cool how we’re on the same page. Like Bunnyhop said about Death Stranding: “I know it’s pretentious to say you have a personal connection with a work but...” yeah, it does feel like that for me.

The album does take six minutes to get going (with two small narration tracks sandwhiching a decently rehashed old track), but once we get into it kokou no megami, ao no kajitsu and zettou no majo are amazing songs even if they so, SO blatantly rehash older sounds of the band like come on, the influences from automata and coffin are so blatant it's almost a parody, not to mention we also get a girl in a coffin and an evil witch trying to bring about the end because she's a dick so it's like, you're just gonna rehash coffin and romanesque like that and call it a day? Not only do you rehash sounds in every album but also stories now? Yes, that's exactly what they did and it still worked. Aaaahhh, I hate to love this band, they have me grabbed by the balls and I can't escape, awesome album I loved it.

And that is it folks, what a nice year for doujin music this has been, I truly hope the next is even better because I really do have fun checking out new bands and shit. Also in case if you want more well let’s give it up for those that almost made the cut.

Runner ups:

-Artificial Flower by Mame (gothic) (booth)

This album is a diamond in the rough, it’s truly excellent just needs a bit more polish to make it into the big leagues with me, plus maybe a more scarring vocal performance. Not that it’s bad, it almost made the cut! but the vocals are permanently subdued in their tone, just give me some fang and I’ll swoon.

- ななめが王国 by ななひら and mega (denpa) (translation)

I mean what can I say, 4 tracks are ok and the other 4 are amazing, it balances out. Plus if they do conquer the world one day I don't want to be on their gulag list, might as well praise them while it still counts.

-Vocis Helix by Sennzai (fucking epic) (booth)

This is like the epitome of "music I'd like people to believe I listen to, but that I don't actually listen to that much".

-Extra in Out by Cytekinesis (lolicore) (bandcamp)

“Lolicore? I haven’t heard that name in years...”

-Papermoon by Polysha (electronic, psytrance) (bandcamp)

A surprising latecomer, maybe with a bit more time it’d be up there with Megarex but alas, fate and synchronicity did not work in it’s favor.

And many others, we could be here all day! so let’s cut it short and call this a darn good year for doujin music. Next year I’ll probably spend less time listening to doujin music as I’ll be gushing over the inevitable new Sound Horizon album and the Bravely Default 2 soundtrack, plus it’s inevitable Linked Horizon album about it. Yes, this is the year, Rinne HAS to be this year folks. Anyway, see you all next time and remember: if you like an artist with a very small audience, tell them about it, they’ll probably be thrilled.

#review #doujin music #why 8?#because 2020 is the year of RINNE FUCKING CONFIRMED #yes I know he used a blue flannel on his top 50 shut up if you know this much flannel lore you know this one's more iconic

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