#this fic has fucking consumed me for so long im so proud of it

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I AM BACK WITH SORRY ITS LOCKED SNIPPETS FINALLY WHOOOOOOOO

This fic is so close to being finished it's actually kinda scary, like what do you MEAN I won't just have this to fall back on and I'll have to start writing the other fics I have planned for the series??? I won't just be able to come back to writing sorry it's locked every time I get stuck on something else???

Anyway, the snippets are hidden under the thingy because they're very much just smut (tho Tim and Jay haven't actually gotten anywhere yet, it's mostly just Tim teasing Jay, so it's not too bad i guess). I'm always so hesitant about posting snippets once I get to the horny part of a fic, because it's just sex, nothing else to it and that just seems weird to me, but also like, eh, it's smut and that's awesome 💀💀💀

Anyway, minors please shoo, snippets under the read more thingymabob

They don't all connect to each other, but they kinda look like they do lol

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[forlix]

talking ab fallen star cos that fic consumed me when i first read it and consumed me again when i reread it earlier 🤚

firstly the way he kept his promise to bring mc to the airport it really broke me. it's so melancholic like there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one? you can still feel the love he has for t hemin the way he tiredly made his way to drive to their house and to the airport after he came back from his own long flight it honestly makes me insane.

i love how in the car there's this like faint and twisted idea of hope lingering between them. some part of them still longs for the other and it's right there they could just grab the very thing they yearn for but it's incomplete. it's not the same. honestly when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot? and ac i feel like they meant both of them are idiots for allowing themselves to end up in this awkward but necessary situation.

there are some unresolved feelings and unanswered questions while they sit in silence on the way to the airport, but the airport scene™️ gives them both the closure they need. they're not getting back together, no matter how much one might like, but the tension in the car shows a sliver of hope that they would and i feel like it really emanates in your writing and makes me as a reader reader hope for a happier ending as well. also the shaky "fuck" describes my feelings as i read this as well thanks btw 🥲

and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too. the worst part is there's no definitive point where they felt or "became" okay, because like you said, time is the best medicine and gradually mc just healed. but knowing that hyun is okay and has moved on kind of popped a bubble of reserved feelings and its not necessarily sad its just kind of disheartening or numbing?

idk how i started yapping sm lol i read wayyyy into this HAHAHA. i chose to analyze this instead of study for my finals ☝️🤓 but in conclusion, xian i love falling star and its yet another product of ur mindblowing sexy brain i love you so much bby and i js wanna say im so proud of you <3

when i tell u i saw this while studying (also for my finals) and it had my jaw on the floor my head in the clouds i couldn't focus for the LIFE of me afterwards. WDYM YOU WROTE ME AN ESSAY OF UR THOUGHTS ON MY WRITING? IS IT MY BIRTHDAY?? i love you so fucking much omg. thank u for sending this in my lovely star :') putting my VERY ramble-y response under the cut

"there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one" is soooo poignantly put and so so so correct. honestly him remembering the day and time of the flight was supposed to be a show of pettiness at first, like "you called me unreliable so here i am bitch" lmfaooo but let's be real you're right on the money with his real intentions. he was literally counting down the days until he had an excuse to see mc again.. he was also worried about the flight being so early and wanted to ensure their safety... AGGHHH not me hurting myself thinking ab this couple 😭

"when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot?" I LOVEEEE LOVE LOVE THIS? god u are a genius i adore you. i totally see this being the case. if i may add, maybe mc thinks they're an idiot because they reciprocate hyunjin's yearning even after everything that's transpired. like inward frustration that there are still feelings there? yeah. ur a genius.

about the slivers of hope after the car scene, i apologize for the lack of a happy ending love </3 the fic was definitely challenging (and saddening) but also refreshing to write. i really wanted to explore a couple that is well and truly doomed bc some of the relationships in our lives are doomed, yaknow? and you can recognize that and still have a lot of love for the person at the same time bc human beings are fucking complicated like that. but please consider this my official justification for posting something so depressing

"and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too." FUCKKKK NOT THE WEDDING PICTURE. this just made me frown irl. if i may add.....again..... what if they physically run into each other and that's how mc knows? at the start of the convo mc kinda feels the familiar stirrings again but it's more out of habit than anything. they talk for a bit and it's really pleasant and mc notices he has a ring on his finger and they realize they feel ✨ nothing ✨ about it anymore. but there's just an inkling of remorse remaining about the whole situation. like a passing thought of "maybe in a different universe we would've made things work"....haha.....fuck. BUT mc is happy hyunjin's happy, and mc is happy to have recovered, and life goes on

as for ur entire last paragraph i might actually cry, i'm so glad you love the fic and i truly do appreciate u taking the time to look into my fic this closely so so so much :'( you keep me going, I MEAN IT

[pinkcannibal]

soo not to get nsfw on the main… But with that being said… i‘ve just reread the latest chapter of it’s quicker and easier for the fourth time (somebody sedate me) and i just have some food for thought that is stuck to my mind‘s interior. SEE WHAT YOUVE DONE!! this fic is permanently tattooed onto my brain!!

like ok so i just think with all of marilyn’s prowess with potions and elixirs, she would surely have the knowledge to come up with some kind of,,, concoction that would allow her to gain a certain appendage (if u know what i’m talking about ;)). The next step then of course is fulfilling her and reader‘s fantasies of feeling her "come inside you and paint your walls with everything she is" with said appendage of marilyn’s. and woah what a line. whattt a line. a line that i personally feel should be interpreted as a prophecy of sorts that needs to be fulfilled immediately mhm mhm !

ok sorry but my point is it’s established marilyn has a breeding kink and yep, that definitely tracks. and reader has a 'consuming any part of marilyn she can like a pathetic eager puppy' kink, be it her blood, spit (👀 pls) or cum. i just think yknow if marilyn has the tools she is well within her right to use them to get herself her own cock and fuck her controversially younger girlfriend with it!!😌 when life gives you lemons, you use them to brew a cock-growing elixir for you and your gf to have fun with… i think that’s how the saying goes <3

anyways sorry for the long ask oops i didn’t mean for it to be this long. last sidepart and this is purely amused delusion but i find it so funny to imagine marilyn building this whole thing up and it happens and she and reader are very turned on and excited… only for marilyn to come in like 30 seconds. bc this is a whole new sensation for her obviously!!!! and even when she’s usually fucking reader without her cock, marilyn’s mostly the one giving and she’s not used to much direct stimulation without having reader come first!!! so then marilyn’s feeling mortified and reader is simultaneously understanding, horny, flattered and proud that she could make her lose control like that.

soo yeah that’s my food for thought on that ONE line from your fic that wouldn’t leave my head. a feast for thought would be more accurate. to make it explicit, i’d love to see something like this happen in the fic with marilyn and reader, or even a one-shot (or both!). that being said i get that it’s not for everyone so if ur not down then ofc don’t feel obliged to write anything ur not comfortable with <3 i was just kinda obsessing over the idea since reading chapter 18 and wanted to articulate my feral thoughts somewhere :p

rant ended for now, congratulations on exceeding 100K words!! that’s a super impressive feat for any author, never mind the fact that you didn’t think the fic would surpass 20K!! we’re super proud of you and blessed to have you as the author of this fic <33 take care and hope to read more soon!!!

okay the way this ask has NOT left my brain since reading it jesus christ!!!! HI??? ur so valid for this actually (also the fact that youve read the chap four times already is so sweet ty!!!! :') dont be sorry for being nsfw on main this sideblog is literally. MADE for that and for people to ask me things like this skdksd

okay. so i HAVE talked abt this on discord before w my beloved '<3' from ao3 and its so funny bc like. when we talk abt marilyn coming its always said with the knowledge that like 'oh of course she can come inside of reader using the strap/her cock. this is both physically possible and normal :)' skdksd so like the fact that youve sent this message is personal TO ME bc even tho i havent made it a thing in my fic yet i DO want to add a scene with either a cum filled strap on or, like you said, bc marilyn's so talented with elixir's/potions im SURE there is a concoction she can create that either a) allows her to feel her cum filled strap as if it was her own appendage AND acts like it or b) have her own cock. im more inclined with option A as it feels more realistic in my fic and would flow better i think within the confides of how ive written this story, and the fact that ive set up already that marilyn is really talented in potion making/plants and organic material. it would have to be slight magic using i guess?? (also realistic is a dumb word to use ik ksdkd like this is the world where vampires werewolves and gorgons exist. yet i just feel like strap would work better instead of her acquiring an actual cock)

btw ur 'when life gives you lemons,' comment made me lose it thank u so much for that. but yes! trust me when i say marilyn is constantlyyyy thinking abt possible ways she can make this a reality, it literally is a cause of frustration for marilyn that she cant give her girl what she wants and fill her up w her cum </3 its why she says it as a form of praise/degradation during 18 and 19 eg: "i wish i could cum in you" and "make you mine" bc like these freaks are so in love that the idea of breeding reader is succchhh a fulfilling fantasy, and visa versa. for reader its like 'i literally want all of you. ALL of you' like marilyn knows and LOVES how much reader is eager to please to take anything of marilyn's like you said, esp blood cum and spit (this idea is romantic to me. no further questions sdkskd) so yes tldr this IS an idea i really, really want to explore bc i can do so much with the idea of consuming your milf lover so much that you beg for their cum inside you/down your throat at all times <333

oh ur so real for marilyn not lasting comment. thats so 😵‍💫definitely the first time they try it marilyn's just so overwhelmed by feeling how warm and wet reader is (its a completely different sensation than feeling w her fingers/tongue) and how much reader is begging for it she just. comes immediately. does not know how to act and keeps filling reader up as much as she can (this does in fact send reader into suchhh a dumbed down headspace feeling it; like u have NO idea how much this is affecting her skdksd) but to me after the first time marilyn is just so focused on making reader the one who comes first every time, bc marilyn gets off on reader getting off and loves being the one to always give <33

i think im more inclined to add it into the fic! but thats not to say im ruling it out of requests/one shots. ur so okay omg ksdk the fact that u were obsessing over this makes me feel validated that me and '<3' arent the only ones who talk abt this concept like. all the time skdkd and wait AHHHHH GOD thank you so much!!!!🥰 thats genuinely so sweet and so uplifting for you to say, i hope you take care too and have an amazing day anon!! :')

[psychedelic-ink]

I think when it comes to fanfiction and when it's x reader (not OC) people will always look at you weird. Bc to them they never thought about reading something where they're putting themselves in the perspective of being loved or just having fun with their favorite character.

Lots of people day dream but I've learned that lots of others don't. And most people dream about obtaining stuff they've never had or have had so little of it but they crave more, be it: having a friend, being in a relationship, a new game they've played at a friend's house bc they can't afford it, etc etc.

So most of the time the people who don't day dream are the ones saying: why are you reading x reader fanfiction? Isn't that cringe? That's so weird.

Man, all of us reading x reader fanfiction just want to be loved by our favorite character (s). Most of us have never had a meaningful relationship or none at all at the age of 20s, 30s, 40s etc.

Also it comes with going deep within a fandom. When u dig deep and make an account at Twitter/Tumblr you will see takes, fan art and even FANFICTION. stuff u may have never experienced before. You didn't know that shit existed.

Again, most people who criticize fanfic have never dug deep into a fandom. It's a thing that's always been there. Every fandom will have fanfiction. Believe me. That's why I don't like talking to guys who like marvel and star wars like me. Like okay i enjoy it but i don't feel comfortable enough in telling them oh i read fanfiction. Bc im pretty sure they don't even know what that is and I'm not gonna be the one to explain it.

One time i joked with an internet friend how talking to guys about those fandoms is like:

Me: i love the mandalorian (the character)

Them: oh yeah!!! He's so cool

Me: no u don't get it. I need mando to fuck me 😐

When it comes to OC people are more okay with it. Bc they're not imagining themselves. They're just imagining someone else. Like in a book. But when it comes to x reader it's different bc you either do imagine yourself or imagine someone made up from your mind. And people are not really prone to imagine themselves.

I love x reader but personally i don't imagine myself. But that's another story.

Idk where i was going with this but people should know fanfiction exist and they shouldn't be icky about it. It's normal. It's been here since the 60s (star trek). (Actually it's been here for longer but that'sss another story). Idk sorry if this doesn't make sense...

I've always been very open about writing fanfiction, all my friends and parents know. Even my professor knew I wrote it, and I think that me talking freely and being proud of it somewhat took their need to make fun of it and the power behind it, though I also understand that can't be the case for everyone

it's a bit long so i'm putting the rest under the cut dear anon xx

I really don't understand why people think x reader is cringe. Believe me when I writer character x character or x OC fic I'm also putting my personality into that character, or parts of it at least. That's what makes fanfic fun and you can't really say one is cringe and the other isn't imo, it's all fanfic.

I've only been in one terrible relationship my entire like and fanfic has helped me out tremendously so I feel you there <3

And honestly I'm so immersive when reading/consuming content that I can put myself into it immediately, so it's hard for me to imagine that other's don't. It doesn't matter to me who's pov I'm reading it from, or who it is. Maybe I'm just lucky in that aspect, but you might be right in saying that people just don't want to think of themselves directly and want to do it through a third party instead.

Experiencing fandom is truly an adventure it can go bad or good, luckily I've been experiencing good things so far with a couple of bumps! And to be fair I live in Turkey where fanfic and fandom is pretty much nonexistent, It's much more known now in the US and Europe

I agree that people shouldn't judge when they hear fanfic. It helps to understand yourself better and I can imagine some people not really liking the freedom of it.

And no worries, it made sense! I'm always happy to chat 💜

[himbos-hotline]

do you have a favorite thing you’ve written, and if yes why? -🐦‍⬛

I have a few things that I consider my "favourite" things ive written. Like theres fics that have a special place in my heart for reasons and theres some that I just think are fucking well written in a great way in a writing style that is just me, and thats pretty fucking great like not to brag or anything but all my years of writing I think right this moment is the best ive ever written. I love the art that im sending and showing to yall guys!

NGL theres a lot cuz im getting better at like, being proud of myself nowadays

We made our peace with weariness and let it be. I wrote this on a train going to see Bonnie and Clyde in the theatre. I like how I write kenny here- how I focus on the more unsure, shy almost unwilling participant in everything his body and brain says.

An open hand [for your other man] Again a fic that means a lot to me personally for just how its written. Again I focused on more on the fact that Kenny Omega will do anything for the people that he loves, even if that comes at the expense of said people he loves and himself.

I'll tell you my sins and [you can sharpen your knife] The first of what I think is three fics starring my OC Jay. The most recent fic ive written. It focuses a lot on Jay and Cole relatioonship and the terrifying idea of being known and Cole learning to forgive himself fopr his sins back in NXT. Both Jay and Cole learn that betrayal doesnt always mean the end of everything.

The ghost story would be over Another Jay fic that focuses more on his friendship/brotherhood with the BCC and eventually how she joins the Elite. I dont know why this means a special place in my heart and I swear I know where this fic is going despite my utter lack of updates with it

I find myself alone at night [Unless I'm having sex] Yknow how I constantly talk about Kenny being too scared to love and therefore having to constantly leave Hangman and Hangman constantly expecting to wake up alone. Yeah, thats this entire fic and I know it was meant to be like, a happy fluffy fic but its one of personally, the saddest fics Ive written because at least while writing it, you feel hangmans utter sense of lost and longing consume him by the end.

To you I'm just a man [to me you're all I am] My first ever aew fic. Written when I couldnt tell the Bucks apart and i was producing content daily. It means a lot to me because i think that ive gotten better as a writer but theres some scenes that I think are ngl movie quality; like the flashback would be all sad and hazy and I think the fic feels the same as listening to piano man by billy joell

Would you love me more [If I killed someone for you?] Adam Cole gets murdered the fic. I think this is the fic that has the most fanart potential of mine. Like theres some great imagery that would like, explode so much fanart or other content.

Getting you off is my new favourite hobby The last of the Jay fics on this list, and my first time writing smut. Theres something about this fic that feels so deeply emotional and soft despite being about sex in hangers kitchen. I think its the underlying acceptance adam shows to jay and the utter love that he has for zem before and during and after sex.

Blood is as rare and as sweet as cherry wine 4 thousand words of hangman being so deeply in love with kenny omega it hurts him. Kenny is deep in his cleaner persona [or in my world, cleaner is fronting and kenny is trapped, watching him ruin everyone kenny loves] and this fic, reading it again makes me wanna throw kenny omega into a wall and just let hangman beat the fuck outta him and then fu- *gets shot by TK*

[afaramir]

3, 23, 24, 25, 27 and 30? 💕

hi hi ria!! blessings of rain be upon ye...

3. how you feel about your current wip

i am RATTLING the bars of the cage in my brain!!! by that i mean the faramir goes to rivendell au is possibly my favourite best thing ive ever written i am just stuck in the mudpit of the current conversation and i would like to. not be there. but i really do love working on it it feels like gradually assembling a structure around a framework and when i step back and really look at it its just. jrr tolkien and i are having A Conversation. you know? like yes!! i AM transforming the work!! i AM deciding whether he would fucking say that and i do think i am right at least 92% of the time!! ive had the concept of the au in my head for probably 3-4 years at least and i feel like. well i was never really going to feel Ready to write it. and yet i am grabbing it in my hands and doing it anyway and it IS making me a much better writer and i can Feel it. yeah i love it.

and umbar fic/situationship au is just me pushing the bounds of do it weird/do it horny/do it self-indulgent and it is. SO MUCH FUN. i think there has always been a little block in my head stopping me from doing that i mean like everything i write is kind of like. this is specifically created to cater to me. but the panopticon in my head is a crazy thing. but step by step we are defeating it. this is like the next step up from just so long as this thing's loaded which was kind of my first time pushing those bounds and. i mean there are a lot of things about that one that i think i could improve now (this is my REAL answer to that "would you rewrite anything" question from the other ask meme) but it definitely got me here. never underestimate the power of a rarepair to make you WEIRD. (<- abby rarepairnationcore sentences...)

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

what is this a job application? LOL just kidding but i do suck at these. um. atmospheric. character-driven (yes this is two words but it is true). interrogative (i am IN THERE with. either the original text. or the minds of the characters. shakes u like a snow globe WHAT is going on in your head).

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

im really bad at this. like actually spectacularly abysmal. i mostly sit around feeling sorry for myself for three to nine months. until i eventually buck up the motivation and executive function to actually (re)consume a piece of media and more often than not it will seize me by the throat and lead me out of the pit. yeah this does usually work best with things ive seen before that will awaken a dormant fixation.

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

going to the grocery store. doing my dishes. LOL ok when i am Not Writing A Novel-Length Fic i knit. one day i will start doing it again i want to make. the extensive sweater vest collection of my dreams. but i already have this repetitive stress injury because i type for eight hours at work and then come home and type for four more and i think if i started knitting again on top of that i would immediately crumble to dust. and um. is that it? that can't be it. i do calligraphy sometimes. WAIT LOL I BIND BOOKS. -> @hexagonspress

27. your favourite part of the writing process

omg ok i'm not sure if this is like my Top Number One Favourite but ive recently started really enjoying drafting out ao3 tags and start/end notes it's really fun to work out what things i want people to notice that i might wanna talk about in the end notes and compressing everything down into tags (to varying extents) is also just a neat way to think about like. what was i trying to capture/convey with the fic. e.g. whether i wanna be really wordy with it and get it all out in there or just have the reader go in pretty much blind.

30. share a fic you're especially proud of

maybe i'll never shut up about TO THE VERY DEAR MEMORY OF [ ] but like...you guys. i love it so much. it's so so experimental because the place in my mind that is wrapped around yancy becket is so....complicated and full of grief and fundamentally altering to my brain chemistry and i can only capture it through the world's craziest extended metaphors but i kind of feel like i pulled it off. it is like truly the tip of the iceberg of a LOT of stuff that is really fundamental to honestly a lot of my? lotr work? i mean the way i think about water metaphors...the fundamental dead brother complex baked into my writer's brain...it's all pacific rim in there. this fic marinated in my head for THREE YEARS. that is the longest from inception to completion that any of my (published) work has existed (unpublished is a whole different story. there's a longfic that i created at the beginning of my freshman year of college and has stuck around into postgrad. i mean. girl). i wrote the poem that each first line of every section is extracted from in my parents' house during covid lockdown. and then it just had to sit and develop and develop until the yancy becket death anniversary this year yanked it forcibly out of my head and into a fully-formed format.

fic writer's asks

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

OH MY GOD NANA 😭😭 MY BACK HURTS SO BAD. I WAS WRITING AND EDITING THAT SHIT FOR LIKE 4 HOURS!!

worst part.. it wasn't even that long 💀 like 700 words. BUT FINDING IMAGES I WANT TO USE AND POST BREAKS HAIAHSNSGSSKA GOD IT WAS TIME CONSUMING.

but i have officially created a blog and posted my first fic and set up a master list, about me, and a recent fic area 🫡 i spent at least 30 minutes looking at tags so i could figure out which ones i wanted to use. but goodness me. that was so much work. i'm proud of myself tho. for my first fic ever, i think i did a decent job! i desperately need to pop the fuck outta my back tho :D.

the entire time i was just thinking of that one justin bieber video where he's going "oh hey.. just working.. working hard so i can please you." LMFAO.

anyways there is my update 🫡 it was lots of work but i had a lot of fun, and giggled while writing it too ngl. THANK U FOR GIVIBG ME THE LAST PUSH I NEEDED TO START A BLOG AFTER MONTHS OF THINKING ABT IT HAHAHA

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! THE BACK ACHE IS NO JOKE THOUGH, ESPECIALLY WHEN SITTING IN ONE SPOT FOR SO LONG. I FORGOT TO ADD TO TAKE MINI BREAKS IN BETWEEN WRITING TO STRETCH YOUR LEGS AND YOUR BACK AND DO THE LITTLE NECK ROLL THING AND GIVE YOUR HANDS AND ARMS A BREAK… MAINLY BECAUSE I FORGET TO DO IT ALL THE TIME 😅😅

DID YOU GO ON PINTEREST FOR THE IMAGES?? THATS WHAT I USE MOST OF THE TIME AND IT USUALLY HAS WHAT IM LOOKING FOR!

700 WORDS IS THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF WORDS, ESPECIALLY FOR A FIRST FIC! IT GIVES PEOPLE A LITTLE TASTE OF YOUR WRITING, BUT NOT TOO MUCH, LEAVES THEM WANTING MORE!

Fics where you can giggle at your writing and have a good time writing it are the best ones! I’m so happy and pleeease give me the name of your writing blog so that I can follow it and read your fics!!

[sobsicles]

Just wanted to let you know that you have an entire fanbase of Harry Potter and the World of Grey on Twitter who constantly have discourse about it and call you their God. Also, there's a lot lot lot of fanart for it.

I—

WHAT???? WHAT IS HAPPENING???

[jcwriting]

There’s A First Time For Everything

summary ↬ namjoon has never had a blowjob before. you’re about to change that.

pairing ↬ idol!namjoon x reader

genre ↬ smut, pwp (im not kidding there is zero plot to this), fluff, (new) established relationship 

word count ↬ 2.8k

warnings ↬ swearing, oral (m receiving), face fucking, choking, reader has a painful thigh kink (don’t we all), overuse of the word thigh

authors note ↬ listen,,,,i saw that picture of namjoon in shorts (you know the one) and i just,,,lost it. also, this is my first time posting fic for bts and im shitting bricks about it so pls be nice to me!!!!! i hope you enjoy this quick (thirsty) little ode to namjoon’s thighs. pls let me know what you think!

also, the gif above haunts me. everyday. okay, enjoy.

“I want to give you a blowjob.”

Namjoon choked on the swig of water he had just taken. The two of you were watching TV. Actually, Namjoon was watching TV. You were sitting on the floor at the coffee table with your laptop out to answer some work emails. But, you were distracted. Specifically by Namjoon’s shorts. More specifically, Namjoon’s thighs in said shorts. The smooth golden skin was begging for your lips and your fingers itched to scratch your nails down to his knees. Then, your eyes naturally glided further up to the apex of his thighs. Where you knew his cock was resting. Again, just begging to be in your mouth. The thought of your jaw and throat aching while he lost it above you consumed your mind. All hope was lost then.

“You…um. Sorry. You want to do that?”

You cocked your head to the side. “Uh, yeah. Wait, did you want me to ask? I’ll ask. Can I give you a blowjob? Please?”

Namjoon chuckled. “No, no. You don’t have to ask. It’s just, y’know, are you sure?”

“Yes,” you said slowly. What was he not getting? “Do you not want one?”

“No! No, oh my god. I want that. I definitely want that. That’s not the issue.”

“Then, what is?”

Namjoon blew out a breath that fluttered the hair that rested on his forehead. He cupped the back of his neck and rubbed awkwardly. “I’ve never had someone do that to me before. So-”

“What?” You would have been less shocked if he had told you that he was a closeted furry. The two of you had only been dating for about a month so the in-depth what things did your ex do in bed conversation hadn’t been fully fleshed out yet. You knew he had lost his virginity to his previous girlfriend and they had had a healthy sex life, so you had just assumed that him receiving oral was part of that. Yet…this man, this absolute Adonis of a man had never gotten his cock sucked? It was the most absurd thing you had ever heard in your life. “Hold on. You had a girlfriend before me, right? She didn’t go down on you? Ever?”

Namjoon looked like he wanted the couch to swallow him whole but you barely noticed. You were too busy experiencing the shock of your fucking life. “I did. But she - uh, no. She didn’t want to and I didn’t want to pressure her.”

Your heart melted a little before you shut your laptop. Healthy sex life your ass. You were sucking this mans dick and that was final. “I’m going to give you a blowjob, Namjoon. Right now.” You turned to him and began crawling forward. His eyes flew to your ass that swayed in the air and he audibly swallowed. “If you don’t want me to then you need to tell me within the next thirty seconds.”

“Oh God,” he whimpered and spread his legs a little wider. You were salivating. “Yes. As long as you’re sure-” Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a heavy groan as your hands slid up his thighs. Finally, you smiled to yourself as you bent your fingers and allowed your nails to dig into the meat of his inner thigh.

“I have a thing for your thighs,” you murmured. “Never realized I had a thigh kink until I met you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I want to ride your thighs. Will you let me?”

“God, yes.” Namjoon went to reach for your arms but you batted his hands away. This wasn’t about you right now. This was about him. You reached for your hair and quickly pulled it into a sloppy bun. His eyes followed your movements and you didn’t miss how the bulge in his shorts twitched.

“I need you to tell me if I do something that you don’t like, okay? I want to make you feel good. Don’t be afraid to talk to me. If you like something, let me know. If not, then definitely let me know.” Namjoon nodded feverishly. His eyes were almost black and his chest was straining against his white top. You smirked to yourself. This was going to be fun.

Bending down, you pressed a kiss to the top of his thigh. Your mouth dragged along his skin and you relished in the way he quivered beneath you. Following the seam of his leg before doing the same on the other. Nails pressed little crescent moons into his flesh before your thumbs smoothed over the marks. Your nose lifted the loose material of his shorts up to his hips and skimmed the exposed areas as your tongue reached out to flick the little freckle that found a home on his hip before you set your sights on his dick that was straining for you. Lips that had previously kissed his skin now moved to the fabric that jailed his heavy cock. Sitting back, your thumb traced the underside of his dick softly before you barely brushed over the head. The cotton dragged against your finger and Namjoon huffed loudly before lifting his hips further into your touch.

“Don’t tease.” Namjoon’s voice had lowered a few octaves and the deep tone had you clenching your thighs. His hands fisted the pillows next to him and you could feel the restraint he was exacting on himself through the trembling of his muscles.

“I’m not,” you promised. “I’m just making sure you’re ready.”

“I am. Swear to God.”

Unable to keep the smile off your face, you nodded and reached for the waistband of his shorts. He lifted his hips and helped you shove the material to his ankles. That was when you realized two things.

One, he was right. His cock laid thick and proud on his stomach and was weeping for you. He was of average length but his girth let you know that were going to struggle to fit him in your mouth. The thought only made you shiver in delight. A phantom pain panged in your gut when you took in the slight curve of the head, knowing it was going to hit everything you needed.

Second, he had the prettiest cock you had ever seen. You never thought dicks were pretty. In fact, you were pretty resolute on that thought. Most likely due to the disgusting amount of unsolicited dick pics you had received in your life. But, Namjoon’s?  You wanted to take a picture, frame it and admire it whenever you wanted to. The skin that stretched around his width was a shade darker than the rest of him and his cock head, a pretty red color, made you want to see how far down you could get the flush to go.

You wrapped your hand around his length and twisted up. Namjoon’s back arched off the couch and a string of curses fell off of his lips. Your thumb collected the glistening pre-cum on his tip and used it to smooth your palm over him.

“I normally don’t say this,” you said as you became infatuated with the vein that ran along the underside of his cock, “but if you want to send me a dick pic, I definitely won’t complain. Like, ever.”

“B-baby, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Namjoon moaned, throwing his head back when your thumb pressed against the delicate skin that resided under the his mushroom tip.

You giggled lightly. “So sensitive. I’ve barely even started.”

Namjoon opened his mouth to say something but you didn’t give him a chance. You licked the vein that had caught your eye earlier and followed it to the top before enveloping the head of him into the heat of your mouth. You relished the broken groan that he let out. Several kitten licks were placed on his weeping slit before taking him deeper. You worked slowly, gauging his reaction as you took him further. He responded well, panting and moaning in encouragement, head still thrown back against the couch.

“You can look at me, you know,” you reminded him as he popped out of your mouth. Kisses were mouthed over the soft skin that was wrapped around the steel of his erection. Your hand used your spit as lube to tug him harder.

“Can’t,” Namjoon gasped. “Gonna blow my load if I watch you.”

“That’s kind of the whole point.”

“Not yet,” he whined. “I don’t want this to be over.”

You pinched his hip until he met your gaze, offering him a sweet smile. “This isn’t going to be the last time I get on my knees for you, baby.” You held his wide-eyed stare as you took him back into your mouth. Ignoring how his hands seemed to flutter around you, unsure of what to touch, you focused on sliding him further into your mouth. Then, you sucked hard, using your tongue to lave at the warm skin.

Namjoon lost it above you. He released a strangled moan that caused your core to absolutely gush. One hand finally tangled into your hair and the other gripped your shoulder with warning, which you ignored. You merely sucked and pulled harder. Namjoon’s hips flexed, causing the tip of him to slam into the back of your throat. Not expecting it, you couldn’t help but cough around him as your eyes watered.

“Oh, God! I’m so sorry.” Namjoon used the hand on your shoulder to yank you off. His thumbs wiped at the tears that trickled down your cheeks, the concern etched across his face made you feel warm inside. “Shit, are you okay?”

“I am, promise,” you assured him. “Just give me a second, okay?”

He nodded while pushing back some of your hair that had escaped your sloppy up-do. You gently removed his hands before looking down at his length that was still clutched in yours. As much as he had shocked you, the thought of him fucking your face was not something you shied away from. Really, it was exactly what you wanted. But you needed to prep a bit first.

When you took him back in your mouth, you focused on relaxing the muscles in your throat. Breathing deeply through your nose, you slowly worked yourself further down until your nose was pressed into the base of him. Spit trickled out of your mouth and over his balls as you pulled back. You did this a few more times, working past your gag reflex and allowing your throat to get used to the intrusion.

Namjoon was anything but quiet as you deep throated him. It was honestly the sexiest thing you had ever heard. While your past lovers hadn’t necessarily been quiet, the praises Namjoon kept raining on you and the beautiful noises he made were music to your ears. Your body certainly agreed. Your cunt ached to be filled and the fabric of your panties was soaked through. But, you ignored your needs and focused on the panting man before you.

“Okay,” you nodded as you popped him out of your mouth. “I’m ready.”

It took Namjoon’s brain a few seconds to process what you said. He shifted restlessly on the couch cushions as you ran your hands over his thighs. “Huh? W-what did you say?”

“I’m ready for you to fuck my face.”

His pupils were blown wide as he stared at you with an open mouth. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What if I want it to hurt?” You stared at him while purring the words that was his undoing. Namjoon’s eyes got impossibly darker as his chest expanded with a sharp intake of breath. He spread his legs wider and gently held the back of your head as he guided you down his shaft. You held eye contact with him as he cautiously raised his hips to meet your lips. Once he saw no signs of distress from you, he began thrusting more consistently as you bobbed your head to match his rhythm.

His steady movements didn’t last long but it didn’t bother you. You were more than happy to take over for him. Like you said, this wasn’t going to be the last time you worshipped his cock. The two of you had plenty of time to figure things out. Plus, knowing how much you clearly affected him gave you all the motivation you needed.

Your throat began to tense up again so you focused your attentions on his sensitive head and let your hands twist up to your mouth and back down. The sounds of your palm gliding along his slick skin and your lips sucking tightly filled the spacious living room. They were nearly drowned out by Namjoon, though.

“Baby, oh f-fuck…shit,” he keened loud and hard when your other hand moved to brush over his swollen balls. You cupped them gently and rolled them between your fingers. Even as he was practically thrashing against you, hips thrusting in an aimless rhythm, the hand he had originally placed on the back of your head remained there. He applied no pressure, allowing you to set the pace, but it also seemed to ground him. To remind him that this wasn’t a dream.

“M’gonna cum. Baby…baby, I’m gonna cum. Soon, oh God,” he babbled. You appreciated the warning but you didn’t need it. He was twitching wildly in your mouth and your tongue was coated with the salty essence of his pre-cum. In response, you ran your index finger on that sensitive spot behind his balls and that’s when Namjoon exploded.

Thick ropes of white shot down your throat, causing you to almost gag. Instead, you swallowed past the reflex and took as much as you could. By the fourth stream, a bit had managed to slip past the suction of your mouth and dribble down his cock. You were quick to clean up, licking at the mess the both of you had made before returning to his tip. You suckled the sensitive head until Namjoon practically shoved you away from him.

When you looked up you were met with a glorious sight. Namjoon was completely fucked out, twitching against the couch and his broad chest heaving for air. Sweat beaded his sharp jaw line and trickled down the column of his throat. His face was tilted towards the ceiling and his hair was haphazardly pushed off of his forehead. He looked completely ruined and entirely yours.

“Was that good?” You asked softly as you rose to your feet, ignoring the sharp ache in your knees. Namjoon made an unintelligible sound in the back of his throat that you took as a resounding yes. He cracked his eyes open and looked at you with such adoration you couldn’t help but blush.

“Really?” He murmured. “Don’t get shy on me now. You can’t just suck the life out of me one second and then start blushing like a school girl immediately after.”

“It’s called duality,” you muttered as your cheeks flushed darker. Namjoon snorted and reached for you, pulling you onto his lap. His spent cock nestled between your thighs and his eyes rolled back into his head when he felt the simmering heat through the fabric of your shorts.

“I need five minutes. Then, I swear to God, I’m going to eat you out like you deserve.”

Giggling, you wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the strands of hair at the base of his neck. “You don’t have to. This wasn’t a quid pro quo situation. I gave you a blowjob because I wanted to. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“It’s either you give me five minutes so that I can eat you out or ten minutes so I can fuck you into next week. You decide.”

His determination brought a smile to your face until you took in the purple bags under his eyes and how his eyelids kept drooping lower and lower. “How about a nap first, hm? I’ll decide after you get some sleep.”

Namjoon looked like he wanted to protest but you kissed him instead. His argument clearly wasn’t that strong because when you pulled away he was nodding in resignation. You helped him pull up his shorts and squealed when he lifted you up into his arms. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you let him carry you into the bedroom and wrap the both of you up in the comforter. You hadn’t planned on sleeping with him, wanting to get more work done while he slept. But the faint scent of his aftershave and the soft way he caressed your spine could lull an insomniac to sleep. Who were you to refuse?

“Wake me up when you decide,” Namjoon whispered into your hair. You nodded against his chest, and within minutes the two of you slipped into a deep slumber. Happy and content.

©jcwritings Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without my permission.

LINKS:

masterlist

ao3

[satoruvt]

being unwanted, wanting too much

pairing → lee chan x reader

word count → 1015

genre → angst baby, criminal/detective au ↳ tags: FORBIDDEN LOVE, the angst is real in this one lol, seungcheol trying to be nice, chan being like “im taking this into my own hands..”, intimate moments, no flirting this time just sadness and unspoken love confessions, mentions of a past we’ll never know

song inspo → decode by paramore, a little of ghosts by jeremy zucker, and title comes from his hands by blegh!!

warnings → swearing, also a very minute mention of choking/murder, and this is a part two to this fic here so read that beforehand!

a/n → PART TWO TO THE WORDS YOU WROTE BABYYYYYYYYYY i knoww i said i wasn’t gonna do a part 2. and i was serious about that. But. the idea came to me and i knew i had to do it... also i’ve been in serious chanrot the last few weeks its horrible please help me. anyways enjoy the angst im so so proud of this

Chan can’t stop thinking about you.

No matter how hard he tries to convince himself that it’s because of the things you’ve done, the crimes you’ve committed and the way you’ve messed with his head, he knows it’s not true. Not completely. And he knows that you know, too, wherever you might be.

He spends an uncountable amount of nights at the precinct, looking over the same files in hopes he’ll find something new (and sometimes, in hopes he won’t find anything new at all). He pulls all-nighters, declines his coworkers’ offers for dinner and a drink. Seungcheol always gives him a worried glance, but if he spends too much time with Seungcheol he’ll probably figure Chan out. There’s a reason they work so well together. 

Chan never finds much, and he hates that he’s impressed by it. The system doesn’t even have your full name. You slink in and out of darkness like a shadow, impossible to catch when the sun washes you away. He can hypothesize frequent hideouts or known criminals you keep in contact with, but nothing is sure. 

(Sometimes he swears he’ll forget your face if he doesn’t find you soon.)

“You don’t have to let this case consume you,” Seungcheol says one night, packing his things up from his desk across from Chan’s. Chan can only look at him, as neutral as possible. “We’ll get them eventually. We always do.”

Seungcheol leaves him with a gentle ruffle to his hair and a soft goodnight. His words are meant to be reassuring, but Chan only feels pure panic.

The only thing he can think to do is follow a fading trail, scope out the last place you were seen. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for, and part of him hopes he doesn’t find it. He knows it’s a long shot - you never stay in the same place for long. But it’s better than nothing.

It’s not the worst part of the city, but certainly not the best. Between the high crime rate and the way the city council seems to have turned their backs on even the simplest problems… well. It isn’t kind. It’s cold and wet, the light reflecting off of puddles in the street left from a recent rain. It feels almost moody, and Chan thinks it might have been better if he had stayed home, watched a movie. Ordered take-out like usual, but you…

(He wonders where you are. He wonders if you’re warm.)

He spots a street vendor farther up the road and considers buying coffee to keep himself warm. A cat slinks into an alleyway as he passes it.

“What are you doing in this part of town?”

He doesn’t even have time to be confused. He just knows, and when he turns, it feels like his heart is being crushed inside of his chest. You’re leaning against the bricks of an old building, a fraction of you illuminated by the vendor’s flashing LEDs, the rest of you blended into the shadows.

He has no choice, really. His body moves before he can tell it not to, hands reaching for you until he inevitably pushes you against the wall. You don’t say anything and Chan tries not to think about how this was a bad idea. You’re so close and so warm and you’re just fucking looking at him and his hands are around your neck and he could do it, right now. Both of you know he could.

Will he?

“You should really take better care of yourself, Channie,” you murmur after a moment. Your shoes grind against gravel and loose dirt as you adjust yourself, standing up a little straighter. “You don’t look too good.”

Your hand brushes against his cheekbone with a gentle press and he feels like fucking collapsing.

The loose grip around your neck relinquishes and he moves his hands to either side of your face instead, leaning forward until his forehead hits yours with a soft thump. He breathes in your air and you breathe in his, and Chan can feel his heart pound so hard he can barely hear anything else around him. He closes his eyes.

“You ruined me,” he whispers, desperate. You have to know, you have to see what you’ve done. What he’s done. The fool he’s made of himself because of you. “You ruined all of me.”

He doesn’t mean it in the cruel way it sounds (or maybe he does, he can’t be sure anymore), and he thinks you know that better than him. You say, “I know.”

There’s a second of silence interrupted by a car driving past. “Come with me,” you say. Chan pulls his face away from yours and you look enraptured, in love, you look like you’re begging.

I don’t love you, he wants to say. I hate you. I don’t want to. I can’t. I shouldn’t.

A future he never got to live out with you passes in front of his eyes, beautiful in the way it reflects off of you. He wonders if he’d still want you the same if things were different, if you weren’t the you of this universe and if you were the you he’s spent too many years forgetting about.

“It’s not that easy,” he tells you. You part your lips then close them again, nodding.

“It never is,” you respond.

And he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to pretend that everything’s fine when you take him back to his own apartment and stay with him the whole night. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to pretend that everything’s fine when you hold his hand under his sheets and not only does he let you but he holds your hand, too. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to pretend that everything’s fine when you both know you’ll be gone by the morning and he’ll have to find you again and again, over and over, always just barely letting you escape from his grasp. 

He decides not to think about it.

Your side of the bed is still warm, somehow.

He lets himself think of you and shatters.

[sharknadoslutt]

Self indulgent post just saying Im really proud of myself for my Antisocial fic on Ao3. I like legit cannot believe I've come this far on my silly little self insert x Bruno story 🙈💚🥴

35 fucking chapters and nearly 180k words? Wow 👏 Go me for not abandoning it like I've done every other creative project in my life.

Like. Fanfiction has been an escape for me as long as I can remember. I've been consuming and writing it since I was a literal child. And for as many OCs as I've created, or fic-series that I've daydreamed up, I've never managed to actually write it out and come this far and I'm proud of myself for not dumping it 😳 I promised myself I'm gonna finish it and I really feel motived to do so!

This slow burn has come so far, now they're married and we are approaching the family arc. And, maybe it feels a bit OOC at times, but I'm really proud of the overall growth I've had Bruno go through in this fic. And, one of my favorite things in the world is theater, and having him explore his passion of acting/directing in my fic has been weirdly healing to me. I'm excited for the Moulin Rogue arc 🙈

I know how I'd like to end this thing, and the end is in sight (Albeit, still a good bit down the road). But. Yeah. This post is just me saying GOOD JOB, HOLLY 🥺 You did a thing.

[izanyas]

do you have any favorite quotes, including from your own writing? i would supplement some from your works but that would lead me to reread all ur bsd ones and i save my izanyas rabbit hole phase for every six months or else i'd be emotionally destroyed (your power...!!)

YOUR IZANYAS RABBIT HOLE AAAAAH

oh god i haven't thought about it before!! let me just check Everything

Portrait of You:

The only people who know of Chuuya’s exploits are his boss and those who live to tell the tale; and the tale is told in whispers around meeting tables, never flashed onto TV screens for the uninvolved to consume. HERO NAME v. VILLAIN NAME, the screens say, red or blue background on the left where a hero smiles, purple or black on the right where the villain stares, mouth open to show teeth.

Chuuya knows which side of the screen he’d be on. He knows what Corruption looks like.

In Normalcy's Good Name:

Loneliness, he thinks. A disease he cannot fix by himself, though he tries.

Febrile:

He dreamed of long expanses of grass that turned to rocks and sand; he dreamed of high stone buildings, white as snow, of empty wooden bell-towers that still sang alongside his breathing; he dreamed for a long time, and he dreamed for no time at all. Instants blended together into infinite stretches of time as he flew and crawled and swam, each chime of the unseen bell turning the world into something different and new.

Outside the Realm of Gratitude:

What a mind Claude has. What a heart too, so well-hidden and preserved that Lorenz once thought it non-existent. It is painfully clear to him now just how obtuse he has been.

Build Upon the Ruins:

He understood, right then, that he had never known anyone before. Not like this. He stood wordless in the only home he had a claim to, however reluctant a claim it was; and as he let the whispers of a connection that no two humans should ever share bleed out, he realized that he would never again know someone.

“Now,” Dazai said, watching him greedily. “This is a sight for sore eyes.”

Hello, Chuuya thought, heart shaking.

It was Dazai’s voice he heard whispering back.

It’s so good to meet you.

Tomorrow Has Not Yet Come:

Killing, it turns out, is like riding a bicycle. You never forget how to do it.

Slow Learner:

That was the problem with cultivating the image of a perpetual liar—no one believed him when he wanted to say the truth.

Light:

“It’s a beautiful name,” she said, looking at him with what she thought must be obvious longing. Chuuya, her mind told her again. Chuuya. A name to say in one heartbeat. “You should be proud of it.”

Chuuya looked up at her from under his lashes, cheeks flushed, eyes bright. He always wore vulnerability around him like cloth, but this kind, she had not seen before. This kind she felt in her heart at the turning point of anger; this kind she felt under her skin like a second set of ribs.

Feet Over Harsh Ground:

She remembered blooming petal by petal in the dark of that secret place. She remembered sunlight in the shape of a girl. She remembered her joy and her fear and no one can ever know, Akiko.

No one could ever know.

End of the Famine:

That’s the thing with Dazai. He always looks a second away from fading into thin air, like his being corporeal is only an exercise in politeness. Like his true form lies somewhere between nothing and less than.

Blind Eye:

If only you’d been born a boy, he wished, not for the first time. If only I had a brother.

If Huaisang had been born a brother of his, someone like Lan Xichen or Meng Yao, or even one of those boys she so liked to write about; perhaps then Nie Mingjue would have known how to talk to her.

Perhaps, like Jiang Fengmian, he should find himself a stray to love above his own kin.

and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow (this was SO FUCKING HARD to decide)

“Does it matter?” she asked him after she had caught her breath. “Does it matter who did it? It was all of them. Every single one of them.” With a brown-stained hand, she roughly rubbed away the tears streaming down her face. She said, “It’s all of you every time one of you does it, and when it happens to one of us, it happens to all of us.”

She said, “This is the only true difference between us all.”

Simmer Down:

He grabbed his too-hot cup of coffee with the fingers of his free hand and let the liquid burn his tongue, bitterer he thought than what he really wanted to drink. Orihara watched him with half-lidded eyes. Like a great bird of prey, wounded and landed and still dangerous.

“Kine once said you were like an animal,” Shiki said into the brim of his cup. It seared his lips, grounding, unsatisfying.

“Did he,” Orihara replied a little shakily.

“He called you vicious. Said that’s why I should be your contact inside Awakusu instead of someone else.”

“How peculiar.”

Shiki let out a thin smile. “He seemed to think I was ruthless enough not to get caught into your sick little games.”

“I don’t play with my food,” Orihara said, like a hum or a song. “If I’m playing then I don’t plan to eat at all.”

Mercy Bid:

For a very long second, he considered looking back. He thought about texting Kadota and telling him to leave him here. He thought about sitting by Izaya’s side until the sun rose and Izaya himself awoke again.

He thought about Celty back home. He thought about Izaya here.

“Yeah,” he replied, the word so heavy on his tongue that he almost sobbed with it. He tugged the door open to the darkness and silence of the hallway. “Sleep well, Izaya.”

All Excuses Aside:

Then the man smiled.

“Well, Izaya,” he said. The cheerfulness in his eyes which had till then made him look almost childish seemed to shift under Izaya’s very eyes. He leaned over the couch once more until his face was right above Izaya’s, and this time Izaya didn’t think anyone could have mistaken his expression for anything close to good-natured. “You’re very, very lucky to be alive.”

For the first time in years, Izaya felt those words to be true.

Withholding Care:

Gintoki was too busy warring with Kagura’s wandering hands to answer him. Eventually, and despite his best efforts to stop her, she managed to land one solid palm in his face with what felt like the strength of three grown men.

“You really are hot,” she said in victory, ignoring the grunt of pain he gave at the blow. “Hot enough to egg on.”

“To cook an egg on,” Shinpachi corrected.

Fires Find a Home:

Yoo Jonghyuk shoves his entire head into the crook of Kim Dokja’s neck and declares, “If I could tie you in place and make sure you never move out of my sight again, I would.”

That would be highly bothersome considering everything Kim Dokja still needs to do, but here and now in the silence of that abandoned building, with Yoo Jonghyuk breathing onto his skin and rubbing off against his hip, he can’t feel too strongly about it.

Surrender:

There is a bereft wife somewhere inside another moonlit room, and Natori is taking her naked husband to his bed.

OK IM STOPPING HERE i cant do Every fic i have it would take so long

[goth-dean]

im so happy to see when other ppl read wu because like... i dont even know how to explain it. consuming this fic is the most unhinged experience you can possibly have. there are like 9 different times throughout the fic where you go "is this even the same fic" but darling yes it is.

yes! honestly, there is not good way to describe it. at first i was like, oh it’s like beauty and the beast, stockholm syndrome love story ok. but NO. it’s so much more than that. and unhinged is exactly how i feel reading this. the uncontrollable, manic laughter that comes out of me while reading this is like nothing else. but also, there are parts that make me kind of uncomfortable and i have to take a break. there’s just SO much going on.

this got kinda long so....

i’ve said before that i really don’t know who i’m rooting for here. that i don’t know what i want to happen and i have no idea what WILL happen. after about 200 pages castiel got away, but the fic is 840 pages long. HOW???

honestly i really do think that dean and castiel love each other and i do want them to be together, but i know that’s not healthy, especially for castiel. i want him to get away from dean because deans kidnapped him and done..bad things to him. but also, i know how lonely dean is and how much he just wants someone to love him. i truly don’t think he would survive losing castiel. 

his pov chapter is the hardest part of the fic to get through for me. seeing it all from his pov has been HEAVY. not only seeing his mindset throughout this story, but because there are things he’s thought and done that castiel didn’t know about. also seeing how cas called out for balthazar when he was sick was heartbreaking.

i can’t wait for deans pov to finally watch up with the plot. i need to know how dean reacts to castiel not bing in the hotel when he comes back. i also am dying to know what the fuck cas says to the cops. castiel has feelings for dean. he cares about him. but he also knows that those feelings aren’t healthy. i LOVE how self-aware castiel is. and i was so proud of him for leaving the hotel room. but i think that at some point, he will, at least a little bit, regret leaving dean. this is of course all spec bc i’m still on deans pov around the first time they had sex. but my mind is racing.

ok, this is really long. i’m gonna stop rambling now and go back to reading the most confusing fic in existence.

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

h

She chose not to dwell on it.

h

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

 We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in. 

[...] 

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are. 

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

with my son

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

I

AM

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke. 

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.” 

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

[myfalsedevotion]

hi! i know this is coming out of no where but i just had to say thank you for writing "all the hues of blue" series! i've been reading it for the last couple of weeks and i finally caught up to the latest update. english is not my first language so im trying to write this the best that i can haha. also sorry for how long this is! i hope everything gets through.

i was a giant fan of 5sos back in 2013-2015 and thanks to quarantine and a good friend of mine who only now got into the boys, i got back to the fandom. i used to read lots of muke and cashton was always to side couple who had their shit together. for some reason now that i came back i decided to look more into cashton on ao3 and on the evening of yom kippur (where i was planning to fast) i came across your update and i saw it was a 3 part series that's over 300k as of right now, and let me tell you i was freaking out. i spent all the fast basically reading the first few chapters, consuming it without stopping. also that friend who got me back to 5sos? she gets to hear all about your amazing series. we literally spent hours talking about it because i just had to share how beautiful it is with someone, she is so invested in it without even having read it and she keeps asking me for updates!

ok so i wanna start with how your writing is one of a kind my friend, i feel myself so immersed in the story that im happy when they're happy, im crying when they're crying, im anxious when they're anxious (you get the deal)

this story hurts in the good way, the way it deals with grief is truly remarkable

i love how you write calum and ashton, as separate people and as a couple, a team. i love how even when everything developed between these two very fast it still felt so neutral for them ya know? i love how they address it and they know it may seem it's too quickly how they became this close, but for them it makes sense, it's their pace, fuck everyone else's thoughts.

another thing that i love is how all the friendships work, you got ashton and luke in which luke was there for ashton for so long, he didn't push him and he just has this understanding of what ashton needed. you got calum and michael who are best friends from childhood, basically brothers, and michael is seriously so funny. he's also such a support system for calum and takes care of him. and you got luke and cal, and ash and mikey, and michael and luke and i could just go on an on about every dynamic but this would never end lol.

one more thing is the family theme that is very strong in this fic. as much as i love romantic storylines, im always much more of a sucker for family storylines. the bond ashton and calum have with their siblings gotta be my favorite. and obviously their relationship with their parents hits hard. also loved seeing how they developed the relationship with the others family.

my thoughts are all over the place and i could basically discuss every scene you wrote but i don't know how to put it into words askjdlshg, SO JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE IT

so thank you for writing this, it means so much to me, definitely became in one of my top 3 favorite fics of all time. can't wait to read more from you ❤️

Hii!!! Just know that this message made my entire day, I can’t stop smiling 🥰🥰. I admit I also cried a little because you’re the sweetest person ever, and reading how much you’re enjoying All the Hues just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, and knowing you feel with the characters just as I felt when writing it idk, it makes me really emotional. And idk, knowing this thing I put my time and heart into actually keeps anyone company even if it’s for a while, just means a lot to me 🙈🙈💙💙.  

When I first started writing All the Hues I intended it to just be a little Christmas one-shot, I kid you not hahaha. And then it evolved into this giant thing, where everyone had a backstory. And it was really important for me not only writing about romance (even though I promise you I love it), but also about friendships and family. Love in general, in every form. And not any friendship is the same, because not every character is the same. One thing I’m somewhat proud of is that the only time anyone properly exchanges ‘I love you’s as such in the first fic is when Ashton opens up to Luke. And I really felt like that was important. 

As for families and siblings, idk... I’ve read a lot of fics (probably in the 1000s) at this point in my life, I’m not even kidding hahahha, and I never really found any that had a sibling relationship that felt like the one my brother and I share, so I tried to base the ones on All the Hues off of that. Just happy to hear it didn’t come out as cringey as I thought it did hahhaha

Thank you, so, so much for taking the time to write this. I can’t say just how much I appreciate it. I truly, truly do. Thank you  💙 💙 ���

P.S.: never ever ever apologise about English not being your first language! You write it perfectly as far as I can tell! Also, English isn’t my first language either, and the fact that we’re both able to communicate through it so brilliantly just highlights how capable we are. We’re actually speaking a whole second language. That’s awesome! Love that for us ✨✨