#this has turned into a tangent but it just makes me so happy that they’re still in our lives

[steviescrystals]

there is no feeling worse in the world than missing your grandma :/

[earlysunshines]

parenting trial

son chaeyoung x fem!reader ; fluff

synopsis: in which your date is interrupted when you hear someone’s child crying their eyes out

warnings: ummm none(?) ; not proofread

a/n: im actually supposed to be studying for my last final but uh oops... and happy pride!

chaeyoung’s head is in your lap, your fingers run through your hair as you two people watch, making up a background for each person that passes by.

an elderly woman walks a small poodle, humming a small tune as she does so. chaeyoung points to her and smiles.

“she’s definitely an undercover spy.” she says, making you laugh.

“was spy kids just permanently engraved in your brain after you watched it or...?”

chaeyoung turns her head and looks at you, offended. she pushes your face from where she is and you giggle at her expression. you scratch her scalp, then she rolls her eyes before explaining.

“it's the glasses, the way she holds herself, the poodle! who owns poodles? they’re definitely a breed planted by the government.”

you almost snort after hearing her little tangent.

“you’re so…” you move your hand down to squish her cheek for no reason. “creative.”

“thank you, i’m very proud of that trait.”

“why am i in love with you?" you mumble, looking at her squished cheek in between your fingers and her closed eyes. you smile at the answer in front of your eyes. “you’re so stupid.”

“you’re equally as dumb.”

“yeah okay whatev-“

your bickering is cutoff when you hear a loud wail, it catches pretty much everyone’s attention.

there’s a kid on the bench across the concrete path rubbing her eyes and sniffling. she looks to be around five years old, her bangs are quite wispy and her hair is cut just above her shoulders. she wipes her runny nose with the pink shirt she has on and starts to cry again — louder than ever — before quieting down in ten seconds.

chaeyoung looks at you — head still in your lap — and you look right back at her. the soothing movement of your hand in her scalp stops when she gets up to look at the kid as well.

“stay here love, i’m going to go check on the girl.” you say cupping chaeyoung’s face lightly before getting up from the blanket you had been on and putting on your clogs.

chaeyoung watches you walk towards the kid and exchange a few words, which quickly has the girl quiet as she directs her attention on you. in a minute, you walk back towards the blanket with your pointer finger in the girls grip. your girlfriends eyes soften at the sight.

you sit down on the blanket and urge the hesitant child to sit down next to you. the girl shakes her head, then looks at chaeyoung skeptically. your eyes widen at the realization and you smile softly, holding her hand in yours.

“this is chaeyoung, she’s my um…” you begin, pausing to lean over and ask your lover: “do kids know about girlfriends? i mean probably — definitely. but is it like, appropriate?”

chaeyoung giggles and nods, “i think so.”

you face towards the girl again and say, “this is my girlfriend chaeyoung. she’s really nice and sweet, come sit, she’s a great person. trust me.”

the girl looks at the two of you hesitantly then sits directly in front of you and your lover. she sniffles again, unable to look up.

“what’s your name?” chaeyoung asks, voice soft and sweet. “my name is chaeyoung.” she introduces, sticking out her hand for the girl to shake.

the girl simply looks at the hand that has tattoos scattered all over, observing them for a bit. she doesn’t answer; she’s too mesmerized by the little doodles.

“oh, these?” chaeyoung asks, pointing at the tattoos that have the girls attention. “i drew them myself.”

“really?” her eyes widen, she's amazed. this is the first time you and chaeyoung have heard her speak. her voice is small and hesitant, though it seems she’s willing to lend her trust to two adults that decided to care for her.

chaeyoung nods. “you see this one? i drew it two years ago. do you like it?”

the girl examines the flowers on her fingers, a small smile spreads across her lips.

“i like those.” the girl mumbles, reaching for chaeyoung’s fingers to get a better look.

“me too.” you agree, looking at chaeyoung lovingly.

“can you draw one on me?” the little girl asks, looking at your girlfriend with curious, hopeful eyes.

chaeyoung turns to look at you, making eye contact and tilting her head to silently ask for you to help her out. to be fair, this is someone's child and you can't just start vandalizing someone's lost child. the two of you have a silent interaction with raised brows, mixed expressions, and mouthed words before the child tugs at chaeyoungs hand again.

"please miss chaeyoung?" the little girl asks, pouting.

chaeyoung looks at you again, portruding her lower lip to mimic the girl. your girlfriend is already convinced, it's just you that has to give her the green light before she goes ham on this kids arm with her pens.

"um, hold on." you interject, "we don't know if your parents would be fine with that."

the girl frowns again after being reminded that her parents are nowhere to be found, then starts to tear up again. you panic and so does your girlfriend after she begins to get vocal again, a tear now falling down her cheek.

"okay okay! wait, wait." you quickly say, trying to prevent others in the park from looking at you, your girlfriend, and someone's lost child. "how about you tell us your name first before chaeyoung draws anything, yeah?"

"tara. tara hong laurent." she immediately says, then turns to chaeyoung, urging her to start doodling.

so you have her whole name, which was easy enough to get although quite concerning because she had just given out her government name to strangers. chaeyoung picks up her pen and starts to draw something small on her pinky, then mouths "ask... more..."

"um, okay tara." you start, looking at her skeptically. "when was the last time you saw your parents?"

she frowns again, looking up at you. "i miss them."

"i know," you say softly, pushing her hair to the side. chaeyoung watches the whole interaction, the small gesture, and the small smile you give her; chaeyoung melts. "that's why we're going to help you find them. do you know their names?"

"james and jihyuk." she answers, watching chaeyoung as she scrunches her brow and doodle a small flower on the back of her hand. "do you know them?"

"oh, i don't know a james or jihyuk, but we'll find them tara, don't worry."

she grins. "miss chaeyoung, you're very good at this."

"thank you." chaeyoung turns to look at you, there's a sparkle in her eyes. "do you want to draw on y/n?"

"chaeng i-"

tara interrupts you, beaming at the opportunity. "yes! yes! please? can I?"

chaeyoung smirks at you and giggles mischieviously before handing the pen to the girl, then grabbing your forearm and pushing it toward the little girl. "the floor is yours tara, but can you answer a few more questions?"

she nods aggressively, making both you and your girlfriend laugh.

chaeyoung continues, "so, where were your parents the last time you saw them? how did you lose them?"

your girlfriend hands the girl the pen, she grabs it eagerly. tara starts to scribble something just below your already existing tattoo, something not so far off from a bunny. it's a messy scribble, clearly done by a child, but it's adorable.

"we were by the water and then my dads both went to get something from the store with me... then I saw a rabbit in the store! it was as big as my head! and it started running around the store and I followed it and it went outside and I followed it again and it kept running away from me!" she explains with frustration. "and then I looked around and I couldn't find my dads... and I went to the benches over there before miss y/n found me."

she adds small whiskers on the bunny she's drawing on your forearm, the drawing is the size of her hand, taking up a lot of space -- but it's adorable.

she seems unbothered by the fact that she's basically missing now, too busy admiring her work and smiling up at you. "do you like it miss y/n?"

your lips turn up, your cheeks flush from how happy she looks, then you nod. "I love it tara."

"yay! is it as good as miss chaeyoung's?"

pretending to think to yourself, you put a finger on your chin and look up at the sky. a little dramatically, you hum, then look back at the bunny inked on your forearm.

leaning closer and lowering your voice -- but not too quietly so chaeyoung can hear -- you respond, "I think it's better than hers."

tara smiles with her teeth, then leaps into your arms and gives you a big hug. she's so small, at least compared to you, clinging onto you like a koala. she pulls away to smile even bigger. "thank you thank you! i think I want to be an artist someday."

you look down at her and chuckle before placing a hand on her head and fixing the strands poking out. "do what you love, okay? i think you'd make a great artist."

chaeyoung watches the whole interaction, her head in her palm and cheeks warming from how adorable you are with her. chaeyoung sigh adoringly just from the sight, falling a little more for you -- especially after you look up, make eye contact, and smile warmly at her. she feels like a popsicle on a burning day.

"tara, we should find your parents. they shouldn't be too far from here, I hope."

"do you want my dad's number? the one with the mustache."

you and chaeyoung look at each other again, mouths widening and faces looking dumbfounded; tara's known her dad's phone number this whole time. the two of you laugh like idiots.

you reach for your phone and hand it to tara. "could you type their number in? I'll call them and we'll get you back to them soon."

"on it!" tara responds with a fist in the air, punching up excitedly.

chaeyoung watches her sit down next to you, and how you tilt your head a little strangely to match her level and meet the screen of your phone. tara's little fingers tap at the screen, then she shoves the phone up and hits your nose, eliciting a small squeak from you.

you rub your and nose and chaeyoung puts a hand to her mouth to stifle the laugh that's threatening to come out -- loud and so strong it'll have her falling down on the blanket -- she barely manages to do so.

rolling your eyes at her, you bring the phone up to your ear and wait for an answer. ten seconds pass before you hear a low "hello?" from the other end of the line.

"hi, is this james? or-- no, maybe jihyuk?"

"how did you get my number?" the man asks, his voice Is so low that it catches you off guard, but he's soft-spoken. "who are you?"

"hi, i'm not sure which dad this is but we found your daughter on a bench crying. she gave us your number and -- my girlfriend and I -- we've just been watching over her. we didn't know she knew her parents' numbers."

the man man lets out a sigh, it sounds like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. "oh dear, y/n right? you're a life saver, thank you. where are you located? near the riverside I assume?"

"yeah, that's right. would you like us to meet you there soon? by the convenience store? it's not too far from us."

"yes, that's perfect. thank you so much, my husband and I have been panicking like crazy. see you soon."

"of course." you respond before hanging up. chaeyoung tilts her head, silently asking for a brief explanation. you look at tara, then hold her hand comfortingly. "we're going to go find your dads okay?"

tara nods before standing up, you and chaeyoung get up with her. the three of you all work together to fold the thin blanket that was previously under you, then shove it in the tote bag you had brought.

as you hang the tote bag on your shoulder, you feel your pointer finger being tugged at and look over to see tara. she's also holding chaeyoung's hand-- well, her pointer, middle, and ring finger. chaeyoung looks at you and smiles, mouthing a "she's adorable" in your direction. you nod in agreement and mouth back, "not as adorable as you" before winking teasingly, making chaeyoung roll her eyes and look away to conceal the faint dust of pink on her cheek.

the three of you make your way to the little riverside convenience store, tara in between you and your lovely girlfriend. you and your lover share eye contact again, both of you falling deeper in love without knowing it.

tara starts to drag you over to the railings near the riverside, but you and chaeyoung resist (somehow terribly, she's dragging the two of you with enough force for two grown adults to struggle holding her back), instead redirecting her to where her parents should be.

you catch the convenience store in the distance, then look down at tara. "almost there, you alright?"

"mhm!"

chaeyoung smiles at this side of you, she's never seen you so caring. you've always been an idiot or overly teasing with your friends -- she loves that, it's why she fell for you -- never this protective and caring.

you were always caring with your friends, attentive to their well-being. you were even more caring with chaeyoung, in a subtle way she always noticed. usually quiet in how you helped others, seeing you so sweet with this little girl shows how genuine and lovely you are. chaeyoung realizes that if you had kids someday, she’d love to be around a protective, caring you—just like you are right now.

the revelation is exciting, chaeyoung finds another way to love you even harder.

you spot two men outside the store. one stands out more—a big, buff, tall man. next to him is a shorter, lankier man with his hand on the other's shoulder, seemingly calming the bigger man with his touch -- just like how you comfort chaeyoung.

tara jumps, then lets go of both you and chaeyoung, running up to the two men and yelling "papa!"

the bigger man catches her in a hug, holding her close and his huge arms practically engulf her. his eyes widen and soften at the same time, then he kisses tara's temple and sighs in relief.

"tara! oh darling, i've been worried sick, your dad and I have both been." the voice is the same one you had heard on the phone earlier, the octave of his voice matches his appearance but the softness and care he shows reminds you of a huge teddy bear.

the smaller man looks at you and chaeyoung, offering a sincere, thankful smile. "thank you for taking care of our daughter, we've been quite worried."

he has a thick french accent, and just his appearance, mannerisms, and the way his words flow out make him seem a bit intimidating. she puts his hand out for you and introduces himself, "jihyuk."

you shake his hand before responding, "y/n."

chaeyoung also does the same, introducing herself and giving him a grin, "chaeyoung."

"thank you for taking care of her, seriously, we owe you the world." the other says, from what you can remember, he should be james since jihyuk has already been introduced.

chaeyoung waves her hand, then holds yours, squeezing tightly as she says, "my girlfriend noticed your daughter crying on a bench, she wanted to help. we were worried."

you nod and send her a quick smile. "ah! also, sorry about the scribbles on her..." you panic a bit, unsure of whether they'd approve of the artwork on her. "we tried to warm up to her and ask her questions, but she wouldn't budge until my girlfriend had drawn something on her." you explain, then you frantically start to ramble, "I'm so sorry about that, my girlfriend's tattoos caught her eye and she--"

jihyuk places his hand on yours before fixing the glasses he wears to sit on his nose bridge. his voice is higher, but he speaks with certainty and some slight authority in his tone, voice levelled, "it's alright dear, we're just glad that our daughter is well."

"right, yeah."

chaeyoung laughs at you and holds your hand a little tighter.

tara starts to squirm in her other dads grip, which urges james to set her down. she runs over to chaeyoung, hugging a leg and muttering, "thank you miss chaeyoung for the drawings, can you do it again sometime?"

your girlfriend looks at you, you look over at james, james looks at his husband jihyuk. jihyuk laughs and nods approvingly.

chaeyoung bends down to meet her level, then fixes the wispy bangs. "of course, anytime."

"yay!" tara beams, then hugs chaeyoung tightly. you watch the whole interaction, feeling your heart overload with adoration, threatening to burst out of your chest.

then tara runs over to you, almost making you lose balance when she collapses into your leg and holds on. you do the same as chaeyoung had done: meet her level and smile at her. "hi tara."

"thank you for helping me y/n, you're very beautiful and kind." your lips twitch a bit; she's seriously adorable. you hold her hand in yours and manage to mutter a low, "thank you."

tara hugs you one more time, it's warm and lovely and wow you never really thought about having kids--but now it's all you can think of as the small, energetic child hugs you with adoration and care.

she runs back to jihyuk and he holds her small hand in his.

james walks up to you, tilting his head down to match your level. this guy has to be at least 6'4 or something. despite his build, he's sweet just from how he smiles at you and the little glint in his eyes.

"i hope you don't mind, i'm going to save your number and," he looks over at his daughter and lover. "I hope we can repay you with coffee or lunch sometime in the future." then, he looks over to chaeyoung, his head tilting down even more. "tara seems to love the art on her skin, and we'd love for her to smile like this again. and you two are such a lovely, kind couple. thank you for this, you saved me from a heart attack."

chaeyoung nods and assures, "it's no problem, we're glad you're all back together."

jihyuk stands next to his husband and links arms subtly before looking up at him, then back to the two of you. "thank you chaeyoung and y/n. we hate to cut this short, but we have to get to dinner on time with my parents. thank you again."

"it's no problem, you all enjoy the dinner alright?" you respond, jihyuk's diastema between his two front teeth is shown when he flashes a smile.

tara waves to you and you watch the small family leave.

chaeyoung kisses your cheek suddenly--you turn in surprise.

"what was that for?"

"you are so adorable, i hate you."

you can't help but chuckle before pecking her lips.

"you love me."

she rolls her eyes before dragging you away from the convenience store and towards the little viewing area nearby.

the breeze hits you two perfectly as you both lean against the railing, chaeyoung leans her head against your shoulder and kisses it through the cloth of your shirt. you turn to press a kiss on her forehead, watching boats make their way to their destination, birds travelling, and the waves flow calmly.

your girlfriend holds your hand and kisses the back of it. "do you want kids?"

"i'm," you pause, chaeyoung watches your lips part as you think of a response. "I'm not against it, but not now I think. if and whenever it happens, I think you'd be the greatest mom ever."

"no," she looks at your features with admiration. "you'd be better." she moves over to kiss your lips and pulls away just barely, lips brushing against yours. "I've never really thought about it much, kids and all." she kisses you once more, then pulls away fully in order to gaze at all of your features. chaeyoung blows some of your hair out of the way, making you laugh.

"me neither."

"but," she begins again, "if it's with you, I know i'd be set just waking up to see you being the mother of our kid. i really like this side of you."

"thanks." you mumble, savoring the moment of intimacy and tenderness. "i'd love to see what kinds of new art would pop up on our child's skin everytime I come back from work."

her face makes its way to the crook of your neck as she giggles. she holds you close.

"there's a lot to look forward to."

"as long as you're in my future I'm fine with anything chaeng."

[shipcestuous-two]

Fallout (spoilers!)

@bourbonthesecond: The new Fallout show has canon incest. The lead has been fooling around with her cousin but breaks it off for an arranged marriage. It's apparently enough of a feature in Vault life that they have laws against it but it seems to be fairly culturally accepted. He's heartbroken and rebounds with her best friend.

Anon:  I imagine you must have gotten a number of asks about this by now but!! I just watched the Fallout show with my partners and I'm not over the canonical cousin-incest that takes place in Vault 33 lmao. Episode 1 has characters casually talking about fooling around with their cousins as kids (before moving on to "real" relationships for the sake of procreation), and the protagonist's cousin is openly in love with her. She turns him down, but to me they felt like that had more chemistry than she did with her actual love interest lol.

I really enjoyed Fallout (a couple things about it make me scratch my head but I enjoyed the ride either way) and I’ve seen it twice now. 

It’s clear that, at least in Vault 33, fooling around with your cousin is no big deal. I’m not familiar with the games, so help me out here if you know for sure, but the vaults seem to have 100-200 people if they’re full. While I can see how that would lend itself to cousins fooling around, from lack of selection, it’s also not like there wasn’t anyone else she could be with. 

Lucy states that her reproductive organs are intact and she maintains good hygiene, but she hasn’t been able to find a suitable marriage partner in their vault. 

So, except for Chet being her cousin, and she agrees that cousins shouldn’t have children together, she considers him a suitable marriage partner. (Given their limited gene pool, cousins really shouldn’t be having children together in that context, probably. But how long before they’re all cousins anyway? Maybe it’s a pointless delaying of the inevitable.)

She tells her friend Steph that after ten years of “cousin stuff”, she’s ready for the real thing. It’s unclear if she and Chet were having sex, it kind of sounds like they weren’t doing the kind of stuff that could have gotten her pregnant. But ten years! That’s a long time. 

This whole thing was a little strange, because it’s played for laughs, but there’s just a little more to it than that. Chet is in love with Lucy, it wasn’t just fooling around for him. And Lucy says that everyone knows he’s in love with her. No one cares about that either, but they all follow the rule that she and Chet can’t marry. So that was interesting point #1. Interesting point #2 is that Chet is one of the main characters in the Vault 33. He’s secondary character overall. He could have easily just been a throw away character never mentioned again. Interesting point #3 is that Chet being in love with Lucy gets mentioned again, a couple of episodes later. In a rather sad way, when Norm suggests that Chet came with him to investigate Vault 32 because he’s still in love with Lucy and being with Norm reminds him of Lucy. It’s like, ok, make me cry. Why is this so sad!

While it isn’t discussed explicitly after that, it’s pretty clear that Chet isn’t happy with Steph. For more than one reason, but probably mainly because he’s still in love with Lucy. 

I assume, given the circumstances, that Chet is the maternal cousin of Lucy and Norm. While Chet and Norm spent quite a few scenes together, I didn’t like that they never referenced that they were cousins, too. This is a tangent, but when Chet was sent to live in Vault 32, Norm called him a coward instead of being like, “Bye, Cousin. I’ll miss you!” But I think he was just bad at showing that he felt abandoned and that now he would be alone with all of his questions. But what I’m really getting at is that Norm had lost his mother, his father, and Lucy, and then his cousin gets sent to live in the other vault and they’ll only see each other every three years, if even. 

I also wanted to note that Norm calls Chet a coward, which was really hypocritical since we know Norm feels guilty about hiding during the big fight, but which also isn’t fair because when Lucy wanted to go to the surface, Chet wanted to go with her and she had to drug him to stop him. 

I really can’t believe that the show has a tortured canon cousins relationship, with sympathetic unrequited love and the two of them forbidden from marrying. 

While of course Lucy has a canon love interest on the surface and likely won’t be back to Vault 33 anytime soon, it is kind of fun that her arranged marriage, her “real thing” ended up being a man who tried to kill her. It’s like, Chet is looking pretty good right now, isn’t he? 

[reasonablerodents]

Just in case it breaks your writing dry spell, there's been a terrible lack of NYE hotchreid fics, and I'm here to humbly request that you fix this with a short nye bau party/night out and everyone paired up for their nye kiss except hotch and spencer…

This is very true!!!! And somehow this DID break my writing dry spell bc I’m somehow actually happy with how this turned out???? (And okay….It’s not short)

Thank you!!!

Good Fortune (G)

Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Fluff, New Year’s Kisses

They’re all partnered up these days. Penelope has Kevin, Emily and JJ have been together for God knows how long, Derek’s in the early days with a woman named Savannah, and Dave? Well, he may not be officially dating anyone, but he met a woman at the bar a few hours earlier, and the two seem to be getting on very well.

That just leaves him and Spencer.

If Aaron was a braver man, he would have asked Spencer out years ago. But his head is too full of regulations and boss/employee power dynamics and- okay, the main reason he hasn’t done anything after all this time is because he’s scared. Rejection always hurt, but being rejected by Spencer would surely feel far worse than if it was from anyone else. Besides, they already had a perfectly good- albeit platonic- relationship; there was no reason to ruin it by acting inappropriately.

Aaron sneaks a glance to the left, where Spencer is stood next to him and staring into the crowded bar, one hand idly gripping a half-finished drink. He seems to be people-watching, and Aaron can’t get over how beautiful he is like this; unknowingly poised like a painting, the dim light softly illuminating the curve of his lips and angular planes of his face. Spencer’s eyes are wide and glittering, drinking in the revelry instead of his cocktail.

“Not long until midnight, pretty boy,” Derek laughs as he and Savannah pass by on their way back to the bar, playfully tapping Spencer on the shoulder to get his attention. “You’ll have to be quick if you wanna sort out a New Year’s kiss!”

Spencer makes a move as if to splutter an indignant reply, but Derek’s already turning to Aaron with a trademark smile. “You too, man. Even you’ve got to let loose a little on New Years. I’d offer my services to you both, but I’m really hoping Savannah will give me the honour tonight.”

Savannah giggles, wrapping an arm around Derek’s waist. “Well, we’ll just have to see what happens come midnight- your chances might be better if you get me the drink you promised me, though.”

“Anything for you,” Derek replies, gently lifting her free hand and pressing a chaste kiss to it like a Victorian gentleman. “Forget a glass of wine, I’ll get you the whole bottle.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

With that, they depart. Aaron watches them a little wistfully as they squeeze their way through the crowd, always keeping a hand on one another. He’s nothing but happy for Derek’s budding romance, of course, but he can’t help but wish that he could have something like that as well.

“I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss.”

Spencer’s soft voice from his left makes him turn back around.

“No?” Aaron says, trying and failing not to think too deeply about Spencer’s lips.

“No. Relationships haven’t historically been my strong point, so there’s never been anyone around to offer me one. I suppose I could find a random person, but if someone’s going to be orally swapping bacteria with me, even for a few seconds, I’d prefer to know them a little first.”

Aaron takes a sip of his whisky. “I haven’t in a long time, so you’re not alone.”

“I know. I’ve spent the last four New Years with you,” Spencer replies matter-of-factly, before darting off on a tangent. “Did you know, kissing at midnight is actually an old Scottish tradition? Hogmanay was introduced when the Vikings invaded, and one part of the celebrations involves welcoming friends and strangers alike, which apparently involves kissing them.”

“No, I didn’t. I guess I’ve never thought about where it came from.”

“Another tradition is First-Footing, although it’s definitely not as commonly practiced around here. The first person to enter the house should be a dark-haired man to ensure good luck. He’s supposed to bring gifts with him, such as coins, coal, or whisky, it can vary slightly regionally, I think. You’d be a good first-footer, I reckon- I mean, you’ve already got the whisky.”

“And the hair, I guess.”

“Mmm. Tall, dark, and handsome.”

Aaron’s glad he hadn’t just taken another sip of his drink, because after hearing Spencer use those words to describe him, he certainly would have spat it out in shock. He can feel his cheeks growing warm, and is incredibly glad of how dark it is in the bar. Spencer's very observant though, so it’s almost certain he’s already noticed Aaron’s flustered reaction however much he tries to hide it.

Before he can work out how to reply to that, a deafening shout ripples across the room.

“Ten!”

Spencer’s not just looking at Aaron in general any more, he’s looking into his eyes. His gaze flickers downwards as the countdown continues- oh God, is Spencer looking at his lips? Aaron finds himself setting his glass down as he unconsciously inches closer, barely daring to breathe.

“Six!”

Is this going to- surely not? But Spencer’s own lips are slightly parted now, his glass abandoned as well.

“Four!”

It’s only seconds, but each one feels like eons. The countdown fades slightly as Aaron’s heartbeat fills his ears.

“One!”

Aaron takes a deep breath, and before he can even make a move, the clock strikes midnight and Spencer leans in and kisses him.

It feels exactly like the fireworks that are going off outside.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I'm so full. I'm so happy. This is everything that I wanted for the tannies. It's so amazing. Never mind its 144p and I'm still learning the lyrics. I had such a blast! Jimin was so cute. Yoongi was so funny and cute and sexy and awesome and just,,, just,,, JUST!!! Couldn't stop grinning while watching their wlive and burst out laughing as Yoongi ended it so abruptly. lol Love you, Yoongi. Love them. Who's doing it like them? Have you seen the Tiffany crowd? Have you seen the concert crowd?!!?

***

It’s a different sort of high being a fan of BTS, isn’t it?

It’s a different sort of joy seeing them be their remarkable, awe-inspiring and goofy selves. It’s so beautiful to see the love they so clearly have for each other. It feels a little too intimate sometimes, and in my experience, this is a feeling that’s unique to BTS. This group is very special. What they’ve got feels genuine because it is.

Jimin was vibing hard. Yoongi’s performance felt electric from start to finish. They spent time together, [*]riding to the venue and leaving afterwards. Its clear as day that Yoongi is happy Jimin is with him, and Jimin wears the respect and love for his hyung on his face. It’s just so easy with them.

And can I just mention Yoongi’s energy during tonight’s concert?

The way he attacked HUH?!

AGUST D???

Christ.

It’s like he gets stronger, wilder, every concert… lol, like I suspected, he’s already a bit too good at this. I’m gonna need him to calm down before the Cali dates. And now that we know we’re getting Tony Montana at a future date, I think we’re all going to really learn to pace ourselves. This could get crazy before long.

Because we’re only three days in and I’m already hanging on by a thread.

What he’s doing to me with these performances cannot be written on the internet.

He fucks me up so bad y’all.

Let me go on a short tangent here:

STD is an acronym that’s known in Korea to mean what you think it means. Everybody knows it. Language isn’t a barrier in this case. When people in Korea hear “STD”? They know what it’s referring to.

Now, what do you think about the way Yoongi introduced his alternate persona: AGUST D in 2016? The way he enunciates that phrase is sickening and intentional. The very mention of his name in the mouths of his detractors is a sickness they get from him fucking them. Or ‘fat dicking’ them, to quote Yoongi. And on that song he spits one of the sickest bars of his entire career. You’re guaranteed to be fucked just by hearing it. I mean just in his name there’s already triple entendres.

It’s mad.

Yoongi has a very peculiar energy. It’s very catlike, but also serpentine and there’s an undercurrent of barely restrained lunacy deep beneath the surface. Hobi is actually more crude than Yoongi in speech and flow, but Yoongi can be so cruel. And that quality, one he doesn’t shy from turning on himself too, coupled with his pragmatic and caustic delivery… lord. He sets himself apart from every other artist alive. Nobody in BTS cuts to the bullshit faster than Yoongi - he’s lived through the consequences of deluding yourself that you’re okay when you’re not. He’s a man who is constantly examining himself, checking his worst tendencies, but never compromising on what he truly believes.

Ugh.

Times like tonight, I look at BTS and feel so much calm. They are so competent, and I’m certain whatever they make, it will be very good. Yoongi has proven that so far with this tour. Yoongi’s D-DAY concert tour is easily the best solo concerts I’ve been to this decade, and I haven’t even attended one yet. But it’s easily the best one. Easily. And I’ve been to a lot (actually been to them), especially in the last 12 months.

That crowd Jimin pulled for the Tiffany’s event is no joke. We’re now at the point where Western celerities know they’re not the main popularity driver if Jimin is also involved. They know the crowds are there for Jimin. And when he eventually showed up, he looked magnificent. Elegant. Polished. Understated. One of these days I want to see Jimin bejewelled and dressed in all primary colours - something more vibrant and queer. But that Tiffany’s event went for traditional and understated and that’s okay. It worked, because Jimin can work anything.

**

Edit [*]: Typo correction. Should include "after", meaning after arriving at and leaving the concert, Yoongi and Jimin spent time together. They arrived separately and left together, spent time together also before and after.

[skeletood]

Another week another stupid boys posting :]

New episode thoughts as always under the read more,

YAYYY THE EPISODES EVERYBODYS BEEN WAITING FOR im so excited they were great

Tobacco Farmers:

- Poor Van D, im surprised he even tries anymore he should know better at this point also for some reason Butthead referring to him as “That Hippy” made me laugh way too hard

- GOD HOLY FUCK. BEAVIS LIKE DEBATING LORD-ING OVER A STUPID LYRIC GOT TO ME WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULDVE “Let’s just say, hypothetically for the sake of argument, there was a pool on the edge of a cliff JUST HUMOR ME ON THIS-” shut up who showed this kid Ben Shapiro. speaking of that theyd think hes such a dork but thats a whole other tangent

- “I swear to god bitch if you dont shut your damn trap”

we’ve been so blessed with so many GREAT Butthead faces lately he’s been such a bitch too. im all over it

- SIR. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. SPIT THOSE OUT RIGHT NOW

actual toddler behavior

- See? They’re good boys they're helping  :]

REALLY GOOD EPISODE!!!! Honestly the video segment had me laughin harder than the episode itself but still fun and entertaining. 

And now with the Big Bad of the releases

Married:

- Okay!! I guess no new apartment for the boys...... saaaadge :[ I was kinda hoping SOMEWHAT that Pardon Our Dust would have consequences? But I’m fine with the usual no continuation between eps

- I ALSO LIKE SEEING THE OLD FARTS INTERACTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE MORE THIS SEASON its really interesting i love that theyre just the stupid old neighbors like we all knew theyd be

- HOW ARE YOU SO SMALLLLLLLLL

- SHOCKED to see that they have a car? boys where’d you get that

- Getting married due to laziness 1. expected 2. yea id do the same

- GOD FUCK NOT THE SILLY VOICES SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP. I CANT STAND YOU!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEZE SHUT UP BUTTHEAD SHUT THE FUCK UP NOT THE GAY VOICE them going back and forth on bits GODDDD

- YAY apartment lore!!! 

- SHUT UP I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

- “Good for you!” thats right, good for them these bitches gay!

- IM SO GLAD THEY WROTE IN A STUPID COUPLE ARGUMENT theyre such a couple through and through they dont even have to like get all romancey to solidify it more theyre just Like that. its everything i want 

- :]

- AND THE SUNSET LETS GO FUUUUCK YEAH

“We’re good just the way we are” Damn fuckin right you are. Nothing has to change its not like they were ever gunna separate anyways????? Like. this just makes so much sense to me :]

Okay this episode was EVERYTHING I hoped it would be. Stupid miscommunications, the fake couple argument, deciding they don’t feel like getting divorced AND going off into the sunset. Literally checked off EVERYTHING i had in my list of hopes for this ep (all it was missing was the cheesy romance disney ass music at the end). I wouldn’t have wanted it to turn out any other way and it cracks me tf up they still dont realize theyre married to EACH OTHER. Now, will this continue into other episodes like how we saw the ending of Pardon Our Dust didn’t seem to stay canon? Idk! I doubt its ever going to be brought up again. But in my heart and mind Beavis and Butthead are now legally married, love wins or something :] somebody go update the wiki 

So happy to see this episode finally come full circle :]

OH YEAH AND WE'RE ON A GREAT STREAK OF NO PISS DRINKING.

OVERALL STILL NO MISSES, every episode has managed to make me laugh the video segments literally had me almost falling over this time. such a great day to be a beavis and butthead fan :]

[zukkaart]

Okay LISTEN

I don’t jump on the divorced Zukka bandwagon- not because it’s stupid or invalid but because it makes sense and I hate it because I want them to be domestic and happy until they’re grey and old okay???????

That being said

“Bleach” from 5sos5 gave me a thought-

So we know that cutting your hair is generally seen as a formal act of losing a part of yourself or your nation. Seen very clearly here- Iroh and Zuko cut their hair off when they realize they no longer have a home to return to.

A little more indirectly when zuko shaves everything except his top knot after being banished as a sign of his exile and dishonor but still tied to the fire nation.

And even a little MORE indirectly when we see Azula cut her own hair- not out of solemn realization or dishonor but because she is LITERALLY losing pieces of herself to her madness

All this to say

(Sorry I went on a bit of a tangent there)

And IF Sokka and Zuko DID break up or get a divorce it would be seen as improper for the fire lord to cut his hair over something so “trivial”

After all Ozai didn’t alter his when Ursa left

SO I think Zuko would probably try everything possible to alter his hair without actually cutting it. I.e. braiding, hiding under hoods, etc.

I think he would even go as far as to bleach his hair- especially if they really did get divorced because even though there was no love lost- their lifestyles of being leaders of separate nations just couldn’t cope. He’d start a little at first- just a few strands on the underneath where no one could see done by himself late at night.

Little by little he realizes “cleansing” little pieces of him makes him feel the slightest bit better because the man in the mirror is starting to look less and less like the man who Sokka loved, who loved Sokka…

Obviously he couldn’t bleach all of his hair but imagine Sokka comes to the Fire Nation as his Ambassador and Chief status requires to find Zuko with one stark strip of white cutting through the right side of his hair, he looks closer and finds the smaller- subtler ones in the under layers, some obviously more well done than the others, some faded with time.

Imagine Zuko finally turning to lock eyes with him- but before he can get a word out to explain Sokka reaches up and brushes the light strip that leads into his topknot.

“What’s this?” He asks, dangerously closer than most Ambassadors should be to their hosts.

“An experiment” Zuko says quickly, unsure why he chose those words in particular, but Sokka is a scientist right? He’ll understand.

“Oh,” The playful smile drops from the darker boys features, although Zuko is unsure why.

“Does it bother you?” The words came out more defensively than Zuko meant. Why should he care now anyway?

“Not at all it’s just…” nothing. Everything.

All the words Sokka left unsaid somehow came down to this one white strip of hair, as white as Yues. The truth was that he had hoped Zuko would tell him that he had no idea where it came from, letting Sokka come to the logical conclusion that it was in fact Yue who had blessed him, and he could take it as a sign that he and Zuko were meant to be together. That they could make it work this time if they really tried. Spirits knew that stuff right?

It doesn’t matter now. The hair was fake. For whatever reason Zuko had done it on purpose. It unsettled Sokka in a way he didn’t expect.

“Sorry” He snapped out of his own thoughts. “It just looks so different from the pictures I have, it looks good though.” Sokka offered a timid smile.

Zuko stiffened imperceptibly at that but still responded in kind. “Thank you, I should go. I have others to greet before dinner.” His voice did not waiver but his mind raced. He still has pictures of me? Of us? And he looks at them? Zuko hadn’t been able to do that for months.

“Of course” And when Sokka turned to leave Zuko noticed something. A thin strip of leather braided in to the underside of Sokkas wolf tail, dyed such a deep shade of red that it almost blended in to his hair, but Zuko noticed, because Zuko always noticed.

It was the same strip of leather that Zuko had used to tie his topknot with on his first visit to the South Pole. Deeper in color than his usual choice because he didn’t want to stick out too much, but Sokka had protested anyway, gently pulling it out of his hair and replacing it with one of brilliant blue, a color as deep as the ocean but somehow still as alluring as a familiar set of eyes. At the time, he would have gladly drowned in both.

That was 15 years ago now, when Zuko hadn’t even been brave enough to hold his hand.

Sokka had kept it. All this time. And now he was even wearing it - subtle as it may be. And Sokka was just the same, just the same, same blue eyes, same genuine smile, same gentle brush of fingers against his hair, the exact same Sokka. His Sokka.

Zukos hair was back to its natural color by morning.

[ouatsnark]

saw two more stupid sq fics that need to be debunked one with emma crying over regina at the coronation and they both make hope "theirs" because hook was more in love with the idea of a baby than the real thing (like he isn't over the moon to be a father and loves hope with all his heart) and one where emma was thinking of regina when hook proposed the first time but she practically asked him to propose to her when she found the ring, the delusion is insane

Ok so I am gonna combine these asks and make a new tag for “What the hell kinda fic did that Regina Apologist just write” cause geez people! I’m gonna preface this again by saying I know the purpose of fan fiction is to explore different scenarios… but it sounds like the majority of Regina centric fics have everyone so out of character! Like what is the point? Go write your own story with your own characters at this point. Anyway. Let’s dive in.

It’s NOT Hope Swan-Mills, people, her name is Hope Swan-Jones!

I love how they are so comfortable with taking a child away from their biological father but the moment you say “Regina isn’t fit to be called Henry’s mother because she illegally adopted and abused him” they flip out on you like you’ve physically harmed them by being “anti-adoption”. So it’s perfectly acceptable when they’re anti-birth parent (they even go as far to disparage Emma’s relationship with Henry) but don’t you dare point out how bad of a mother Regina was!

Ok sorry, that was a tangent. Back to the point: Hook being in love with the idea of having a child but not the real thing is 100% fanon and not supported by canon at all and seems like a really stupid reach to me. But as always they have to make Hook into the abuser when in show canon Regina was the abusive one. You can go back to Hook’s time with Bae and see that he always wanted to be a father. This becomes even more apparent with how he was so involved in Henry’s life. And no, that wasn’t just to get to Emma. He genuinely cared for Henry. And Henry cared for him.

The CaptainSwan proposal fic

That must have been a total rewrite because as you point out it’s Emma that pretty much proposes to Killian! And if it wasn’t a total rewrite then that is one pretty big delusion because it doesn’t make logical sense. If Emma didn’t want Killian to propose then wouldn’t she have hidden the ring instead? Why would she run down the stairs all happy and present it to him and tell him she’d say “yes?” Was she having a hallucination that it was Regina? Like come on people.

How do you all read this garbage and still think you’re reading about characters in OUAT?

Fanon fanfic Hook running out and abusing pregnant Emma and Henry

Right because the man who risked his life over and over for Emma and for Henry is going to suddenly run out on them? There is absolutely no chance that Hook abandons his children like his father abandoned him and the proof is in what I mentioned above. And yes, I count Henry as his because he was a father figure to Henry and his step-father. Killian stopped running the moment he believed he could be a part of something again. He is not going to turn his back on that now. He found purpose and meaning with Emma and Henry. Why on earth would he give that up to be alone and miserable again? Also Killian Jones fought multiple times to get to Emma. And now he’s gonna walk away? Yeah. No. That makes no sense.

And as for the abuse… there is absolutely 0 canon evidence of Killian Jones abusing Emma. So unless he’s cursed again to be someone he’s not, that is completely and absolutely out of character.

But you know who would abuse Emma and Henry as she has a history of doing so even after her redemption? Regina Mills. You know who else would run off on Emma because he has a history of doing so? Neal Cassidy.

Fanon fanfic Emma a cheater?

Ok this I laughed at. I can’t see Emma as a cheater. She didn’t even want to play dirty to win the spot as the sheriff in season 1. That’s just not who Emma is. It is who Regina is though. She has no issues taking what she wants no matter who it hurts.

[winterf4iryy]

i'm glad that's better now! and omg that's so exciting!! it's gonna be so beautiful omg <33

i'm doing good! TODAY IS MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FINALLY 😭 so i'm super excited to just be done with school and exams lol 😭

YES IT'S LITERALLY THE BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE EVER LIKE 😭 i don't have any words bc it was like perfect. there was nothing bringing it down a bit, there was no little problems it was PERFECT. and there's an INDIAN SPIDERMAN?? that literally made me so happy 🥺 AND OMG HOBIE IS MY FAV HE'S SO- ALSO ALSO JESSICA IS SUCH A BADASS I LOVE HER 😭

ugh- i just- everything about it was just too good!! and like major props to all the artists who worked on it bc i could pause that movie at any point and it would create a beautiful picture that i could put up. AND OMG DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT HE WENT TO THE WRONG UNIVERSE AND THAT THAT MILES WAS THE PROWLER AND OMG 😭 ANDDDDD OMG THE END WHEN THE SCREEN WENT BLACK....i swear my heart skipped a beat and then when it said 'to be continued' i literally screamed "NO" in the movie theatre 😭

i’m so sorry for the late reply nova <33

BUT YAYYYY SUMMER HOLIDAY!!!!! 🥹😭 im so happy for you ik how much you wanted to be done with school.

also how was your birthday? :D 💓💓

I ABSOLUTELY 100% AGREE!!!! IT WAS PERFECT. i truly expected no less but it’s so hard not to be amazed by it. the attention to detail in the animation is incredible— and the storytelling and arcs and how complex each character is???? INSANE. and the humour?? ALSO THE FACT THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT VERSIONS PLAYING IN THE THEATERS!!!!!😭😭😭 apparently they’re minor differences like changes in dialogue or how something looks, etc., but oh my god. they’re really making it like a multiverse im just in awe.

PAVITR WAS SO CUTE I LOVED HIM SM 😭😭😭 <33 i hope we see a LOT more of him in the next movie! it’s so heartwarming to see people’s reaction to him being in the film🥹 it just shows how important diversity is in media. which is a whole other tangent i could go off on regarding the spiderverse films ESPECIALLY this one bc they really just do an incredible job. like i don’t think some people get how meaningful and powerful it is to have hundreds of different spider people from all walks of life, showing how anyone can be hero :( it makes me wanna cry

HOBIE IS SO ICONIC 😭 HES SUCH A HEARTTHROB

AND YES JESSICA TOO!!! MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW SHE WAS PREGNANT I WAS LIKE THATS AMAZING

BROOOOO MY FRIEND WAS LIKE “the prowler has to be miles” I WAS LIKE ???? AND THEN SHE WAS RIGHT I WAS SHOCKED 😭😭

i still cannot believe they did that to us 😔 my heart dropped too, i was like it can’t be.. AND THEN IT WAS 😭 im honestly glad they didn’t rush it though bc we had so many character arcs in this film. gwens and miles’ and miguels and i feel like peters too a little bit? and then the spot is still there, and then miguel turns out to be an antagonist PLUS miles in the wrong universe + that vers of him being the prowler. it just makes sense to have a third film. IM SO EXCITED FOR IT

ALSO THE SOUNDTRACK WAS SOOOOO GOOD 🥹

[aeoki]

Autumn Forest - Chapter 3

Location: Yumenosaki Grower Barn Characters: Shinobu, Chiaki & Nazuna

Chiaki: Alright, looks like Marron is drawn to the heat of my burning heart ☆

Shinobu: Did it like you because you’re like an animal, Leader-dono…?

Chiaki: Ha ha ha, I suppose humans are animals in the broader sense! That means me and the squirrel are one of the same kind! I’m a squirrel!

Nazuna: …Chiaki-chin, what’re you saying? Are you okay?

Shinobu: I-I’m jealous! I want to be a squirrel too ~de gozaru!

Nazuna: He just took that at face value!?

Look~! Look how you’ve influenced Shinobun, Chiaki-chin! Shinobun, wake up, humans can’t be squirrels!

Shinobu: Uuu, but I’m kinda jealous so I wouldn’t mind being one…

Chiaki: Nito, how can you give up from the very beginning!? If you’re a man, embrace your ambitions. All dreams can come true! You might be able to turn into a squirrel too.

Nazuna: Oh, geez~ Just keep quiet for a bit, Chiaki-chin. You’re just confusing things.

Chiaki: Hmph. That’s not very nice. Takamine and Nagumo have also started telling me to “shut it” recently.

Shinobu: I haven’t said anything like that ~de gozaru. There are times when I think it would’ve been better if you didn’t say anything more, though.

Chiaki: I have a tendency to say whatever’s on my mind. Forgive me ☆

Nazuna: The first-years in “RYUUSEITAI” sure have it rough…

Oh, what’s up, Anzu? Ahh, you’re right – we’ve gone off on a tangent. Sorry, sorry.

Shinobu: T-That’s right! Why does Marron like Leader-dono that much…?

Nazuna: Hmm. Is it because Chiaki-chin’s the type of person that animals tend to like~? Sometimes those sorts of people exist.

Tomo-chin is an example of that~

Chiaki: I don’t think so? I was looking for a cat the other day but it kept running away from me.

Nazuna: Then does it only apply to squirrels? But why…?

Chiaki: ………… Is this guy…

Nazuna: Did you get a good idea?

Chiaki: Is this guy a squirrel of justice? They pop up in anime for girls, right? Like the mascot-looking characters.

Is that what this guy is? Did he want to be the mascot for “RYUUSEITAI” and that’s why he got close to me?

Nazuna: I regret asking you seriously! Think about this for real, Chiaki-chin.

Chiaki: Hmph. I’m always serious.

Does Marron want to join “RYUUSEITAI”? Is it going to be Ryuusei Brown? There, there ☆

Shinobu: I’m so jealous you can pet Marron, Leader-dono! How can I get it to like me too?

I want to be friends with Marron for Yuuta-kun and Hinata-kun’s sakes too since they’re the ones who left Marron to me ~de gozaru!

Chiaki: That’s the spirit! Let me hug you ☆

…Woah!? What’s wrong, Anzu? What do you mean by “That’s it!”? That was loud!

Nazuna: Y-Yew shcared me. Anzu, djon’t shuddenly swhout like dwat!

*Breathes in, breathes out…* So, what do you mean?

Hmm, I see. We should put aside figuring out why Marron likes Chiaki-chin and make it so that Chiaki-chin’s scent goes over to Shinobun?

If Marron realises it’s Chiaki-chin’s scent, then it might feel safe, huh…

That does sound like a good idea ♪ Squirrels have good noses.

Chiaki: Oh, so squirrels are sensitive to smell, huh. Then I’ll hug Sengoku and have my scent transfer over to him – I’m good at hugging people! *Huuuug* ☆

Shinobu: Ugh… I-I can’t breathe, Leader-dono. Please loosen your grip ~de gozaru…

Chiaki: Oh, sorry, my bad. That was too powerful of a hug, huh.

How about it, Marron? Sengoku is my good friend~ He’s not your enemy at all~

Shinobu: Y-Yeah~ I’m not a scary ninja at all. I want to be good friends with you, Marron~

Nazuna: Ohh. Marron’s slowly moving towards Shinobun.

Shinobu: Whaa, it’s in the palm of my hand ~de gozaru! And it’s not wary of me! It’s so fluffy ♪

Nazuna: Good for you, Shinobun~♪ Alrighty, now’s your chance to give it a snack. Here, give it this.

Shinobu: Thank you, Nito-dono ♪ Look, it’s a snack.

Ahh, it actually ate it properly this time! I’m so happy ~de gozaru!

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[ratlesshonret]

Semi-related to my last post about how I get panic attacks from thinking about what happens after death. So ig... don’t read this if talk of death, loss, references to suicide, or panic attacks makes you feel uncomfortable.

I feel like I basically spend most of my life somewhere between an existential, solipsistic, and just a general crisis. I often think about why I’m alive, why everything exists, and the idea that I don’t actually exist. Or even better, the idea that I am the only thing that exists and everything else is actually fake and made up by my brain.

But the main point of this post is like... when I think about what happens after dying, I feel a deep, primal fear. The thought of dying itself doesn’t scare me. Even if it’s painful, it probably won’t last very long unless something truly fucked up happens to me. The real fear is after death, and it’s the real reason dying terrifies me.

When I try and conceptualize the idea of “after” death, I just can’t handle it. The only real frame of reference I have is before I was born, but that was just nothing. With no physical brain, there’s no way to experience sensation or existence at all. When you have a lack of consciousness, what does that feel like? What does it mean to not feel anything? These thoughts make me scared.

And this is why I understand why people are so drawn to religions that describe an afterlife. The idea that after death, we inexplicably regain consciousness in some other place is incredibly appealing. The idea that experiencing true death can’t happen is super nice. Reincarnation is also an appealing idea. Being certain of the fact that after I die, I’ll just... do it again? That would be incredible.

But I can’t. I can’t believe in that. I’m a naturally skeptical person, and with no evidence of an afterlife or reincarnation, I can never convince my brain to shut up. I do, actively, choose to believe in these concepts anyway. But subconsciously, I know I only believe those things because it’s easier to imagine than the concept of nothing.

I’m not religious, and I never have been. However, believing in some kind of afterlife or second chance is the only thing that even somewhat causes the fear to abate for even a moment. And honestly, maybe it’s good I feel this fear, because several times that cowardice has kept me from ending my own life.

To go on a tangent in this already long post, my first panic attack fucked me up deeply. I think I have never been the same since then. I was unable to feel “normal” in any meaningful way for almost a month, and I think the effects that deep fear had on my brain have lasted even now.

What was that panic attack caused by? It was two things.

The fear of after death, and the fear of permanent loss.

I already explained the former in depth, but the latter is almost just as painful to think about for me. The idea that something or someone I care about can just... not be there. And yet again, this gives me insight into why people lean so heavily into religion. The idea that even after those near you die, they’re happy somewhere else... it’s nice to think about.

I have trouble even parting with sentimental objects. The idea that a plush, or a figure, or even a blanket I like may one day not be with me makes me feel deeply depressed. And when it comes to people, that deep depression turns into outright panic. A... panic attack.

All of this is probably the reason I’m so resistant to change. When I envision my life in five, or ten, or twenty years, I’m doing the exact same thing I do today. The idea that the future will be completely different from the present fills me with a feeling I can’t even describe.

This post has been long and rambly, but I needed to say this all somewhere. My fear of “after” death, loss, and everything in between has been a fundamental part of my worldview, and the cause of all of my panic attacks. It’s responsible for my questioning of if existence is even real, of how perceiving reality even works. Of if reality is even... real.

And this, my friends, is why I have insomnia.

[outismm]

giggling seeing your tags!!! oh no, the lovely Pat Butcher has caught your eye, has he? 🙈💖 AND the Toymaker too!!! tell me what you love about them, i'm all ears 🥰💖

Star. Star what have you done. Star you've given me an excuse to yell about them now, what have you DONE KJASDKASJ no but <3 oh this is gonna get so long. I am being fueled entirely by Autism and Beginning-of-Winter-Term-Enthusiasm. Star, my beloved moot, this is going to be a thesis. I am so very sorry AKDSJSAKDJASKD

GUH. THE TOYMAKER. AH,,,, <- said while sweating profusely backed into a corner If I had to break it down into understandable words and not 'GKRJGRJG BITE BITE CHEW CHEW GNAW' :

The archetype of 'Very Silly Very Eldritch Man' is perhaps my favourite of all time, so this was inevitable. Like :

THIS!! THIS!! THIS IS THE KINDA STUFF THAT DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY GONZO AMNDSAMND.

As a character, he falls into a category just adjacent to fae [magic-y, lots of eldritch traits that you only notice out of the corner of your eye, will make you to play silly games for your soul, Odd and Unusual In Nature] which is just. Mwah. my most favouritest of vibes for any character to have. My brain is in shambles.

Toymaker hot, no further notes there.

MANDMAND NO NO BUT. The expressiveness and whimsy that NPH puts into his performance as The Toymkaer makes my head go all spinny <3. Don't even get me started on his hands while he shuffles the cards, I'll collapse like a victorian dying of consumption.

Keep staring at me with those big sparkly blue eyes Magic Man and I will allow you to turn me into a kazoo :)

THE LORE IS SO VERY CRUNCH CAUSE LIKE - ‘entity born, alone, outside the universe itself’ is already such a fun concept, there’s so much to work with there even in the Canon only gently touches on it - But also,, the way he clings to humanity? The way he finds these impermanent little creatures and their games so fascinating? The parallels that creates w/ The Doctor? <- outis is about to go on a tangent

Like <3 that was always one of my favourite things about DW, even as a kid, and specifically The Doctor?

Like The Doctor’s gonna outlast humanity no matter what, that’s inevitable with what they are, but that isn’t the point, and that doesn’t change the interest/adoration/love that they've got for Humanity now :)

Even after they’re all gone, The Doctor’s always gonna have their hope, and The Toymaker’s always gonna have their games :) They both have a certain love for humanity, even if it’s in different ways, and with very, very different motivations attached. <- I don’t know if this makes sense. It is almost 1 am. Runs away like an animal crossing villager. Immortal Beings who find a way to love the Mortal will always make my heart go soupy.

TLDR. he is so particularly silly and tragic in a way that makes my brain. Go goopy. Also he must be so very touch starved and I want him to cling to me like a baby sloth :)

OH GOD AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON PAT-

THIS FUCKING GUY >:( how could this happen to me. How can I explain this to anyone. <- the instant I told a few of my friends that I had a crush on a BBC Ghosts character, they went 'oh yeah we thought you'd like Pat' despite me never mentioning his name to anyone. So clearly this was pre-destined KJASDKSADJ

NO BUT <333 AAAAA PATRICK BUTCHER MY LOVE. Where do I even begin with this wonderful wonderful man.

He gave a child a bow and arrow and didn’t see how that’d go wrong. He has the sweetest smile. He misses being able to eat food so much. His voice reaches a pitch that could rival a dog-whistle when he’s angry. He’s the shortest of the cast. He just wanted to say hello. When he was dying and in pain, he made himself stay calm and happy because even worse than dying was the idea of scaring the kids. He’s even autistic.

I have to believe that this man was bred in a lab in Yorkshire to make my brain turn inside out, in some sort of long-term assassination attempt. He calls his wife petal for heavensakes, there was never a hope of me not falling madly in love. that entire flashback scene had me making goosenoises. he is such a delight. Pat do you want a little kiss on your moustache. Pat we could get ghost married. Hey where are you going-

[I’m also realizing now that to anyone who hasn’t experienced Pat as a character, I’m sure this section must look like me going ‘hnrhgrngn I want him so bad’, only to open up my hand to reveal a softboiled egg. but please know that this is also what it feels like on my end MNASDMSNADMN.] TLDR : He's a soft-hearted dad from Yorkshire, what more could you want? Look at that sweet face :)

GHOU I have <3 been rambling for so very long. Thank you for giving me an excuse to yell about my sillies :) it has improved my eveningmorning so very much

[doobnnoob-tf2]

what do you think the mercs biggest insecurities are? (if this is fine to ask about ^^")

trust me, I'm down to answer almost anything - I love deep diving into these guys!

Scout: his “boyish charm”.  he strives to be some kinda heartthrob but he’s always brushed off as baby-faced and cute.  he sees the other guys around him and sees how people stare at them from afar with a dreamy gaze in their eye, and he’s lucky if some mom comes over and asks if he’s lost in the grocery store.

Soldier: his intelligence.  let’s face it, he’s not the brightest.  but ignorance is bliss and he’s one happy guy.  the thing is he doesn’t realize he’s being stupid, and once he realizes it hits him hard.  he won’t show it, but later when he’s alone he’ll dwell on it for a bit.

Pyro: their scars.  they’re covered in burn scars on their body, not that anyone would know that.  they’ll never tell the story on where they came from.  they’re just glad none of it is on their face - not that they’d reveal that to anyone either.  they still love fire, and the marks are just a grim reminder you don’t fuck around with it.  it’s a reminder to respect it.

Demoman: his accent.  he’s proud of his heritage, but when he goes off on a tangent he can see the confusion on everyone’s faces.  it’s both awkward and frustrating having to explain what you’ve said so people can understand you.  no one ever makes him feel bad about it, they’re all very nice actually.  but he tries to make the effort to control it a lot.

Heavy: his size.  he has a love-hate relationship with how large of a man he is.  on one hand, it makes her perfect for being a big defender.  he can take the frontline for his team, or fight bears to feed his family.  but on the other hand, it makes him very self conscious around those much smaller than he is.  he’s always worried about hurting someone without meaning to.  some days are much better than others, some days are much worse.  he goes back and forth a lot with how he feels about himself.

Engineer: his work ethic.  he’s very driven in his work, almost a little too much.  it gets exhausting but he has a hard time shutting his brain off and relaxing.  drunken engineering projects with the team are fun, but when everyone just wants to relax and hang out?  he’s fidgety.  he’s wanting to go down and tinker with something, and it makes him feel bad because he feels like his team doesn’t realize how much he enjoys being around them.

Medic: his eyesight.  he knows it’s ridiculous when some of the others on the team don’t have good eyes either.  but being so near-sighted is a pain at times for him.  he can barely see his hands in front of his face without his glasses.  and his glasses constantly need to be cleaned, and the hassle of getting news one is always a pain.  his birds are constantly moving them when he takes them off to sleep and having to fumble around to find them is embarrassing.

Sniper: his nose.  his mum always loved it but he hates it.  when he gets flustered, it turns even redder than the rest of his face.  it’s the reason why when he gets flustered he hides his face in his hat.  it’s big and awkward and he hates it when someone says anything about it.

Spy: his face.  he rarely has his mask off, sometimes he even forgets what he looks like.  he’s getting up there in age and he knows he’s not in his golden years anymore and it genuinely eats away at him.  he can smooth talk his way out of anything, but he knows the lack of a proper face adds to the mystery and makes people swoon.  he doesn’t think he looks good anymore and frets anyone he got close enough with to take his mask off for would agree.

[iwadori]

when they’re feeling insecure (Sakusa, Kuroo)

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 2K

masterlist

request: Hiii can you write a reverse comfort where they hq boys are feeling insecure?? I love your works it can be any characters you want.

AN: okay so I’ve posted after a week so Yeahh I like sakusas hate Kuroos . thanks tee for being my sakusa encyclopaedia.

Sakusa

On your way home from Sakusa’s volleyball game, you could tell something was off with your boyfriend. Usually when you’d come back home, he’d be all tired and clingy, blanketing you in his arms as he blubbers about how great his spikes are in a sleepy manner. However, tonight Sakusa’s behaviour was different, he was sitting upright, wide awake, deep in thought leaning against the bay window looking outside.  

You made you both some tea and approached him cautiously, wondering what was going on in his head. “I made your favourite,” you said, making him slightly jump as you spoke which knocked him out of his concentrated thinking. He thanked you with a small smile which grew as he took a sip of the tea which you always made to perfection.  

Sitting in silence wasn’t a thing neither you or Sakusa weren’t used to, actually these times were moments you were quite fond of when you were with your boyfriend basking in the tranquil peace and comfort that being with him gave you.

“Omi,” you asked eventually, wondering if he was in the mood to talk to you, “are you alright?”  

He looks up at you, resting his almost finished tea on his lap and he turns his body fully to you, frowning as he asks “Do you enjoy your time with Atsumu, more than me?” His question takes you aback as you replicate his frown with one of your own, thinking hard on why he would bring up Atsumu in a response to your question asking if he was alright.

“What makes you ask that?” you say, resting your hand on his knee ushering him to look back up at you as his head was hanging low in fear of hearing the answer he expected.

“Because…” He started, his voice faltering. “Y'know Atsumu and even Bokuto and Hinata, you seem to get along really well with them, they always make you laugh and I think that you’d have a better time with them… being with them.”

His confession saddened you as you would never expect Sakusa to think that you belong with his teammates more than you belonged with him. Of course you were close friends with Boktuto, Atsumu and Hinata as well as his other teammates , however you and any one around you would think that it was evident how much you were infatuated with Sakusa. So how come he didn't think so?

“Baby, why would you think such a thing?” you say inching closer to Sakusa, internally pleading for him to voice what his mind has been thinking of.  

“It’s just, I feel that I’m too boring for you,” he said timidly “I know that i’m probably not the funnest guy when it comes to daily things like they are, and I’m content with that. But with you… I see how happy you get when you’re laughing at one of Atsumu’s jokes and how elated you get when Bokuto and Hinata manage to rope you into something spontaneous and crazy, I'm not like them. Don’t get me wrong I love you, truly and that's why I'm saying that being with me is probably not in your best interest when I'm too boring and dull for you.” He finishes his tangent about to put his head back down with a deeper frown than before but stops when your hands cup his face keeping his head up as you stare at him with an adoring smile.

“You’re so adorable omi,” you say, making his frown form into a ‘o’ shape in confusion. Before you were worried about what he was going to say as if it was going to be something drastic and serious which could alter your relationship. But simply, it was just your boyfriend being insecure about something that was all in his head and naturally you were going to be there for him and reassure him that everything was okay with how he acted and how you are as a couple.

“I love you,” you started, as you watched Sakusa put is tea cup on the floor as you bring him into your arms letting him rest on your chest as you stroke through his hair, “You always make me wonder what goes on in that pretty little head of yours, since you’re smart really smart. Like when we watch those little Netflix crime docu-series or thriller movies, you consistently say intelligent things making you the best person to talk to when it comes to those and when I come to tell you about the gossip at work, you’re always there to listen to meet, giving your much needed input.”  

You hear him laugh quietly at your words which guided you to continue you on, “And you say you're not spontaneous? What about the times when you’ll be up late at night waking me up in the middle of the night as you're in the kitchen baking something you found on Buzzfeed getting me to help you. Or just moments like before when we’re just peaceful and quiet, relaxing with each other. I really love the moments we spend together, Omi, and I don’t think you’re boring.”

His body twisted so he could look up at you, “You really think so?” he questioned, eyeing you as if you held all the answers to the world.

“Oh I know so,” you said with a playful smirk, forcing an eye roll out of your boyfriend because of your cheesiness.

He buries his face in your neck and sighs in content as his arms wrap around your waist and your arms go over his back. Occasions like this were and will always be your favourite, and to some Sakusa may be ‘non affectionate,’ and ‘boring,’ but to you the amount of love that he showered you in will never have you doubting how much he cares for you and even though he may see himself as boring, you knew you’ll always be interested in anything Sakusa Kiyoomi does.

Kuroo

You were sitting at home, after bringing your two children to bed eating a microwaved version of the dinner you made hours ago. The clock hit 9pm and you were drained, completely worn out by the day's events. Since it is summer your kids were off, and as you worked from home your schedule made it easy for you to look after them at home whilst your husband, Kuroo Tetsurou, went off to work all day.

Kuroo was a hard worker, you always knew that from when you met him and you admired that in him even now when he’s working tooth and nail in the pandemic and still has the energy to come home to flurry you and your children with the devotion he had for you all.

You finished up your dinner, and as you were washing the plates you heard the key slightly jiggle in the front door and padding footsteps entering your house, ones which you recognised to belong to your husband. You didn’t approach him, as you knew he would do his usual routine of engulfing you with his body as he peppers kisses all over your face. 

But after five minutes of hearing the front door open, you didn’t feel his presence behind you like you were familiar with. “Tetsu,” you called out behind you, wondering where your husband was. You didn’t hear a response right away, so you assumed he was in the bathroom or finishing up a small quick errand before he came to talk to you.

Time passed and you began to feel uneasy at the foreign routine but you decided to not overthink and finish the dishes instead. When you left the kitchen, already planning to look for Kuroo but you halted when you saw him sitting on the couch with his back hunched over his face pressed into his hands.

“Tetsurou,” you repeated walking over to the couch sitting next to him, apprehensively wrapping your arm around his back in comfort which you felt him relaxing into as his body shifted slightly closer to yours and his heavy breathing pattern you saw him have calmed down into an easy one. “What’s wrong baby?”

He didn’t respond instantly, just shaking his head in his hands and you could feel his knee moving up and down, jittering against yours, something he always did when he was nervous. You patiently waited for him to speak, happy to sit there for the whole night if it meant that in the end your husband was okay. You and Kuroo always had a knack for knowing how to support one another when it came to either of you being upset, stressed or mad about something. 

“One of my colleagues went on holiday today,” he said finally lifting his head from his hand, not looking at you yet but you were glad he was well enough to speak, “he’s a great guy, really big on family and he’s amazing at his job.”

You were confused on what he was saying at first, but didn’t interrupt letting him talk, putting your other hand on his knee which soothed his nerves a bit slowing down the fastness of his moving leg. 

“He’s going to the Bahamas, I’d love to go there,” he said with a pitiful smile, “but I can’t, since all I do is work. It seems every day now I'm always working, even more than I did before hours and hours on end at the office. How do you not resent me for that?” He turned to you when he asked this question and you could see that his face was tear stained, which melted your heart at the sight of your husband physically upset. 

“No I don’t resent that” you said seriously, “of course I don’t resent that.”

“Are you sure? Because I know that as I’m working all the time you’re with the kids I barely get to see them now and it hurts me every day coming home seeing them all tucked into bed fast asleep, with the thoughts in my head that they think that I don’t care about them anymore,” he said sniffling a bit.

“Aw Tetsu, you shouldn’t think that way,” you said reassuring him stroking his face, “Our kids adore you absolutely, they love how hard working you are as do I and of course even though they don’t see you as often as they see me as i’m stuck at home all the time it doesn’t mean they don’t think you don’t care.” 

The sullen look that was plastered on his face softened a bit after hearing your words but he was still unconvinced thinking that what you were saying was merely a lie to comfort him even though you actually thought otherwise. 

“You’re so hard on yourself Tetsu,” you continued forming your own little frown at Kuroos revelation, “I love how much of a go-getter you are and I don’t resent you at all for it. But if you want to take a break then take it, we’ll be here to get you through that me and the kids too. But whatever you decide to do whether that's to continue working or take a rest then that is fine.”

He wipes his remaining tears and collapses into your arms with his face in your chest, groaning in delight as your hands dance across the back of his neck. “‘Love you Y/N,” he murmured. 

“And I love you, okay?” You said with him humming in acknowledgement. 

You spent the rest of the night talking, with Kuroo finally understanding how you and your kids would always be his support system, being pillars of assurance and love for the man that he would never truly understand. He did go back to work as usual but managed to rework his hours so he could spend his time with you and the kids even more which you were all happy with. So at times, even though you admired when your husband was hard working you did like when he paused to take a break.

General taglist [1] [bold can’t be tagged]: @saxuuxi, @iimoonii @hamdehlesmis @Shoyosupremacy, @iambashfulperson @kayleighbeccaa @bakugouswh0r3 @xedspirits @borpcorp @soft-angel-clouds @foxxtrot-116 @Xogiaaa, @jesssobs @apple-poptarts @galagcica @letssssus @random-734 @rinyx @rybunie @cant-think-of-a-username @kuroohoeee @kellesvt @jojowantstocry @shinsouscatpisssmell @succulentmom @jihyunieeee @mysterystarz @flushphoria @tetsunarin @joyaphoria @elektrosonix @maizumis @fandomsgotmefucked @drageonix22 @uwu-queen-420 @crapimahuman @tesoromia @pelicanpizza @conchetucona @akaashis-wife @crystal-lilac @bokutoslittledoll @taroboba111 @asaitashi @arrogantsonofabiscuit @jihyuniepark @mariyeahh @milktyama @pansexualproblemchild @kouushiiis @erensnubs @danasaan @menheraryn @bucinhajime @primsonnn [join the taglist here]

[botanicalbarnes]

Paper Cut

Summary: Druig comes into your bookstore one day and you catch each other's eye.

Trope/AU:Bookstore AU

Pairing: Druig x F!Reader

Warnings: Fluff

word count:3k

A/N: This is my first fic since my extended hiatus and my first Druig fic so please bear with me. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! And thank you so much @siempre-bucky for helping out and beta reading for me❤!!

Masterlist

  The bell at the door jingled merrily as the door was pushed open for the first time that day. You stood on the ladder leaning on the bookshelf you were adding the newest copies to. 

  “Good Morning!” You said cheerfully to whoever walked in. 

  “Mornin’” The man, with a delicious voice and Irish accent, said back to you. As you placed the last book on the shelf, you turned to glance back at the man walking in your direction. But instead of getting a look at him, you felt yourself slipping from the tall ladder as your foot slid unexpectedly from under you. Your hands reached for something to grab and hold onto, to save yourself from the fall, but all you could grip was air.

  You squealed, expecting to feel your back hitting the hard wooden floors. But instead, you felt yourself land in a pair of strong arms and against a firm chest. You looked up to see beautiful blue-gray eyes staring fixedly into yours. Everything stopped. Just for a second. A perfect, wonderful, mesmerizing second. The whole world seemed to stand still. Your breathing was heavy and labored, from shock or awe, you didn’t know.

  The man must have run to catch you because he was breathing heavily too. After a moment, when you both realized you had been in his arms a second or two too long, he awkwardly set you down on your feet. Taking a step back from you, he rubbed his neck and looked down shyly at his feet. “Are you ok then? You should be more careful when you stock your shelves.” He said with a small chuckle.

  “Y-yea I’m fine. Thank you for catching me, I would have had quite the fall if you hadn’t.” You looked him up and down quickly while his gaze traveled around the room. “So, um, is there anything I can help you find today? Or are you just browsing?”

  “Well you see, my friend has become a bit of a regular here. She's a friend of yours. She recommended your lovely shop to me so I thought I would stop by.” You saw him fiddle with his thumbs, clasping his hands together in front of him. “She was right too. It’s beautiful, just like its owner.” At that he looked up shyly at you from the floor, meeting your eyes for the first time since he put you down.

  You could feel your cheeks grow hot at his words. “Oh, I see.” Now it was you who couldn’t meet his eyes. “And uh, who’s your friend?”

  “Her name is Sersi.”

  “Oh, yes, of course. Well, I’m glad you stopped by. Is there anything in particular you’re looking to find?” You ask with a smile.

  “She told me you have a great selection of antique books and collectors editions. I was hoping to check them out.”

  “I see, are you a collector yourself?”

  “No. I just prefer them, there’s just something about them.”

  “Indeed, I enjoy them as well. The smell, wear, even the crinkle of the pages is special. I’ve spent years building the collection and it makes me happy to pass them on to those who will love them until they pass them on, one way or another, to their next caretaker so to speak.” You snapped back to reality after a moment, realizing you had started going off on a tangent about something that this man likely had no interest in. “Sorry, sometimes my passions get the better of me. They’re right this way if you’d like to follow me.”

  He had a light smile on his face, watching you walk away, visibly cringing at yourself for ranting on. He trailed behind you, hands clasped behind his back. You both came to a stop at the very back of the shop. In front of a long tall bookshelf spanning the whole wall. He sighed seeing the books. He could tell how passionate you were, how much you appreciated each book’s history and beauty. Each was placed in the perfect place, creating an array of color, texture, material, and features. Those with special, especially beautiful covers and hues were displayed on stands in the middlemost section of the shelves. 

  His eyes trailed to you, watching the silent awe of your own hard work. He watched your mouth curve into a smile, your eyes crinkle at the corners, the way you bounced slightly on your heels. You were fucking beautiful, he thought. More than he ever thought you would be. 

  When Sersi suggested he come here, he knew it was for more than to browse the selection. When she told him about you offhandedly with that smug look on her face, he knew what she must be thinking. But he never imagined actually being intrigued or attracted to you to such an extent. 

  He looked away quickly when you turned to him, embarrassed to be caught staring. “I’ll leave you alone to browse, if you need any more help let me know. I’m happy to help. Um, I’ll uh be up front at the counter.” You said pointing vaguely towards the way you came before slowly turning and walking away. 

  “Wait.” His own voice surprised him when he spoke, not meaning to. You turned around again and nodded expectantly. “Uh… I didn’t get your name.” He said, searching for something to say that wouldn’t be too awkward. ‘Too late’ he thought.

  You smiled brightly, a twinkle in your eyes as you opened your mouth to speak. “It’s Y/N. Nice to meet you…?” You trailed off.

  “Druig. Call me Druig.” You gave him a small nod with a smile and continued your walk towards the front. He couldn’t help himself looking down at your ass for a second as you walked away before he began inspecting all the books closer with a wide smile.

***

  You flipped through your latest read and sipped from your favorite mug, shaking your head at the clearly misguided actions of the protagonist. You took a long drink but quickly put your mug down seeing Druig approaching.

  “Were you able to find something you like?”

  “Yes actually. If I’m not mistaken, this was binding from the late 1800’s right?” He held up a copy of ‘The Odyssey’ with a golden spine and a greenish cover with cherry blossoms against a deep red section.

  “Yes! That’s actually one of my favorites. Even though it has one of the most beautiful covers in my collection, I keep it kinda hidden among the rest. I just want it to be passed onto someone who will love and care for it the way it deserves. So tell me, Druig… Are you that person?” Your playful smirk made him chuckle and feel something akin to butterflies inside him trying to escape. 

  “I’ll certainly try to be deserving of it. I promise I will take good care of it as long as it’s mine.”

  “That’s all I can ask of you.” You grinned as he paid and laughed lightly with you. 

  You couldn’t help the warmth that spread in your chest as he gazed back at you from the door and sent you a small smile before leaving.

***

  A week later, Druig was back in your shop. Five minutes after you opened the doors, in he came, looking just as, if not more, delicious than when you met him.

  "You were right. Everything was different. The sound, smell, feel, even the fuckin' aesthetic. It felt like a crime to read it casually without a hot drink in some special spot in a particular light." He chuckled softly. 

  This time, he just leaned against the counter laughing with you. If anyone had walked in, they would surely think you two were old friends. 

  "I was actually thinking about something. Was wondering if maybe… if you'd like of course… you'd like to see my small collection? It's not much. But I've spent a long time picking things up here and there. I think there are a few special copies you might appreciate."

  You beamed at his awkwardness and how adorable he was being. "Yeah. I would really really like that. I thought you said you weren't a collector though."

  "I'm not. But I know something special when I find it." His eyes were fixed on yours, almost searching your soul. You felt open, exposed to him in a way you didn't hate.

  You bit your lip with a smirk and nodded, looking down into your coffee. "And how long have you been finding special things?" 

  "Ages. Centuries if you will." Druig’s face looked smug for a reason you couldn't decipher. "Anyways… I need to get going, my friends will never let me hear the end of it if I’m later than even Sersei. I can pick you up here if you'd like, around closing time? Tomorrow maybe?" 

  "Perfect. See you then Druig." 

  Slowly, he pushed himself off the counter. Walking until he reached the door, then turning back and waving at you as he left. 

***

  By now you were definitely late. Even though it was meant to be casual, you closed a bit early to get ready. You felt like you might throw up thinking about going out with Druig tonight. The nerves and excitement were starting to overwhelm you. You really wanted this to go well.

  You pinned the stray hairs down in the mirror and applied your light makeup in the bathroom. Then, a knock at the door signaled Druig's arrival. With a deep breath, you made your way to the door. 'You got this' you muttered to yourself. 

  He stood leaning against the brick wall outside, foot propped up against it, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. ‘Fuck he was hot’ you thought as you inhaled sharply. Your breath came out in an involuntary sigh. He turned to look at you, subtly letting his eyes wander up and down your body. You thanked the cool air for giving you an excuse for your blush. 

  “Hi.” He said while stepping towards you, stopping a foot from where you stood.

  “Hello.” You hated that you sounded out of breath just from seeing him again. For Christ’s sake, you barely know the man, and you’re practically drooling over him!

  “Have you eaten today?” As if on queue, your stomach growled. You were giddy all day, distracting yourself with dusting and inventory and reading. You had forgotten to eat anything all day. 

  You blushed hard and looked down and your feet shuffling them. “Busy day, I completely forgot. But I’m ok. It happens more often than you’d think…”

  “We can’t have that, can we? I thought we could get something to eat first. If that’s alright with you?”

  “Sounds perfect. Shall we?” 

***

  By the time Druig walked you to your door, your jaw ached from smiling and your lungs and stomach burned numbly from laughing so much. You had never met anyone like him. You simply understood each other and you felt as if you’d known him forever. You could tell he was shy, the strong and serious type. It made you appreciate his chuckles, grins, smiles and laughs all the more.

  Every few days he would pop into your shop. Sometimes empty-handed, other times with a cup of tea or coffee in hand. Some days, you read quietly together, others you would stand on a ladder stocking shelves while he handed you the books, and on other occasions, when the shop was empty, you sat somewhere and just talked for as long as you could. 

  Today, you sat together on the floor between shelves, you reading and sharing your thoughts while he sat across from you, fiddling with other books behind him offhandedly between glances to you when he thought you wouldn’t see.

  Turning a page, you hissed as you felt that familiar sharp pain of paper slicing shallowly into your finger. Of course, it was only a paper cut, all a matter of wiping it off and forgetting about it. But Druig had other plans apparently. Before you could put your finger down, he was at your side, holding your hand. He inspected it as though counting the ridges and mapping the curves in your fingerprint. “Dru, It’s fine, it’s ju- ''. You were cut off by his warm lips on your finger, kissing it gently. So gently you weren’t sure if you felt it or only imagined it. 

  But there he was, holding your hand up to his face. His eyes widened before dropping your hand and looking down. “There. All better… Sorry.”

  “It’s ok, don’t know where I’d be without you to catch me when I fall or heal my paper cuts. My hero.” You smirked and looked down at the book again shyly. Your hair fell forward to shield your blushing face. You were thanking God for that small blessing when you felt Druig’s fingers brushing it out of your face and behind your ear. 

  You turned your face towards his hand to look at him. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his hand drop. You didn’t know how much time passed while you sat that way. It could have been hours for all you knew. Druig’s eyes shifted between your eyes and lips quickly and you looked down at his lips with a shaky breath. You were starting to lean closer when the bell above the door made you both jump apart and look towards the sound. 

  Sersei walked up to the counter with that smug grin of hers, holding a drink in each hand. You looked at Druig and knew you both were thinking the exact same thing. Fuck. “Nice to see you, Druig. I brought you your favorite Y/N. Did you forget our plans for tonight?” Sersei broke the heavy silence. 

  “I’ll leave you to it Y/N. Have fun, see you both later. Bye Y/N. Sersei.” He awkwardly said, not meeting Sersei’s eyes once as he left.

  Carefully and slowly, you looked up at her. Her brow was raised and she hadn’t the smuggest smirk on her face. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “He didn’t tell me he had been coming here. I thought it had been just the once. How long has that,” she waved around in the air, “been happening? And why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because I knew you’d make a big deal of it. We’re just friends!” She scoffed. “I’m serious! We just hang out sometimes.” You hated the way you felt your face flush.

  “Mhm. Sure. What was all that then? You looked very cozy for being ‘just friends’. Don’t think I didn’t see the way you looked at each other. I knew there was something going on with him, I just didn’t think it was you!” She was enjoying this way too much.

  “Oh hush. It’s nothing!”

  “You like him.”

  You wanted to lie to her and tell her you didn’t, even just to make her leave you alone. But instead all you could do was nod and giggle.

***

  To your surprise, the following day, Druig walked in holding two bags in his hands. “Thought I’d bring you lunch. And I also wanted to apologize. For leaving like that yesterday. I brought your favorite. You forgive me?”

  You grinned at him. “Nothing to forgive. I appreciate the food anyway though.” You winked at him. “Anyway, I could use your help with something after we eat.”

  “Fineee, if I must.” He said with a dramatic sigh. You were pulling the food out of the bags and laying them out for the both of you. You took a fry and threw it playfully at him but he dodged it before picking it up and throwing it away. 

  “So,” Druig started after you both ate, “What is it you wanted my help with.”

  “I got a big order and I need to get all the books together before anything else. I made a list and I put down the sections they’re in. If you could get the first few that would be great. Most of them are higher up so I’ll leave them to you so you won’t have to save me from falling off the ladder again.”

  “Easy enough." He smirked and walked off.

  Half an hour later you were getting the final book. Dammit you should have told Druig to get this one. It would be too much to carry around the ladder all the way across the store. With your luck, you would likely break several things in your attempt to do so.

  There was only one thing you could do. Get on your toes and reach as high as you could. Not even close. Curse past Y/N for wanting super tall shelves, you thought. Carefully, you tried to climb up just one row, placing a foot slowly onto it, preparing yourself to be quick.

  Just as you were going to though, that delicious chuckle you'd grown used to by now rang lowly behind you. Within a second he stood by you, reaching up to the perfect height, pressing lightly but firmly against you. 

  You could feel that warmth he radiated, and his chest as he breathed in and out calmly. You turned around and looked up at him, your chests now practically pressed together. His warm scent of cloves and cinnamon, with something you couldn’t place that was just so him, was all around you. 

  Oblivious to your position, he looked down at you. The grin he wore so well faded and he just stared. His eyes were like the sea, turbulent and calm all at once. Pulling you in like Siren song.

  You hadn’t even registered when your eyes dropped to his lips, slightly open and getting closer as you almost imperceptibly leaned in. His hand on your side came up to brush the stray strands of hair from your face. His fingered gently touched and caressed your cheek before you felt his palm at your neck. 

  He held you there, rubbing his thumb up and down on your skin. He pulled you in gently, barely applying any force. Your eyes fluttered shut just a second before you felt the feather like touch of his lips on yours. 

  Druig’s lips were soft and warm against yours as they moved together. You moaned breathily into his mouth and he nipped gently at your lip. He tasted a way you hadn’t thought he would but in this moment, you couldn’t imagine him tasting any other way. This wasn’t a fast or hard kiss, but it was more passionate than any other kiss you’d had before nonetheless. 

  When you finally parted, you stayed together, foreheads touching, leaning against each other. You panted softly together wondering if this was a dream or a beautiful reality. ‘No, this is real’ you thought. You couldn’t help giggling and biting your lip when you met his eyes. 

  “My beautiful, beautiful Y/N. I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks.”

  “And? Was it everything you hoped for?”

  “Even better.” He whispered before closing the space between you again.

[books-and-catears]

I liked the one about a ghost MC it was a really cute idea! I wanted to request something similar, where the MC who has a the appearance of the Japanese slit mouthed woman. She is a regular human and you can decide if she got the scar's from an accident or not, but she always where's a face mask to hide it and eats alone rather then with the brothers. When she's asked why they say "People can't eat when I they see my face." But one day she finally trusts the brothers enough to show her face.

OH MY GOD I KNOW THIS GHOST. If I'm not wrong, this ghost is called the Kuchisake Onna, kuchi meaning mouth.

This is so wholesome I love it. Your asks are so adorable :')

It has been forever since the accident. And yet the scar makes it feel like yesterday. Two scars running up towards your cheeks, making it look like you're constantly smiling. You hated mirrors at this point, without your mask especially.

You hear loud talking from the dining room downstairs as you stare at your meal on your study table. When was the last time you ate a meal with other people?

"What do you mean you won't eat with us MC?" Mammon and Asmo parotted every other day.

"People can't eat when they see my face." You left with that reply, refusing to answer the follow up questions.

Yours was a face only a mother could love, they said. Some screamed, some smiled sympatheticallly, the others nervously scattered away from the last time you tried to eat out by yourself. The restaurant requested you to leave since they were losing customers.

You walk up to the stairway, watching the brothers in their usual chaos. Maybe - just maybe, they won't be repulsed. Surely they've seen more horrifying things than you?

"Um..." You cleared your throat loudly. All of them stopped and looked at you. You usually never showed up until half an hour after meals.

But today you called out to the one of them. "Would you mind eating with me tonight...?"

Lucifer

"Of course I wouldn't mind MC."

He promptly got up with his plate as if he was already prepped for this day. Swiftly follows you into your room.

He sat down across you and began eating normally. "Thank you for inviting me in MC. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Nothing just..." You said untying your mask. "It felt like a good day." The mask fell off your face into your lap.

You paused and stared at Lucifer. He only looked shocked for a split second before a hidden rage clouded beneath his eyes. "Did someone deliberately-"

"No it was an accident. I was getting my teeth fixed when the lights went out and I moved. And something cut through my- well you can see." You explained.

"I see. Well that's quite unfortunate." Lucifer said and began picking at his plate.

You felt uneasy as chewed your food."You can leave if you feel repulsed. I wouldn't force you to-"

"No such thing MC. I was just thinking of consulting Satan and Solomon. Surely they know of spells that can heal your scars if you want them gone." Lucifer replied promptly. "And it's going to take a lot more than scars to scare us demons away."

"Lucifer...thank you." You said quietly.

"If possible I'd like to eat dinner with you from now on, MC. Frankly it's much calmer and it's a relief from my brothers."

After a long time, you laugh without your mask on.

Mammon

"I'll be right there, MC!"

Hurriedly grabs whatever food he has making a mess and jumps to his feet. He is in such a hurry, it's a miracle he didn't drop half of his dinner.

He plops down across the table from you, grinning ear to ear. "Of course you'd choose the Great Mammon to eat with ya!"

You nodded and chuckled, "Of course. But would you choose to eat with me?" Your pulled your mask away from your face.

His eyes went wide and then watery in the same instant. Is he..crying? "I-Im sorry..." You feel horrible so you hurry and tie the mask back up. Mammon grabs your hands and holds them down.

"I'm not crying stupid human! I'm just...you..you must have been in pain..when that happened." He said. "Who did this to you..."

"It's okay it was an accident, Mammon." You try to calm him down.

"Then why do you hide it? It's not even your fault!" Mammon said pouting. You looked down, "People get uncomfortable..."

Mammon shot up from his chair. "WHO DARE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT? Show me I'll get them all! Noone messes with my human! I'm yer protector ain't I?! You never have to wear that thing around me!"

You blushed as he moved forward and hugged you, burying your face into his shoulder. "Mammon..."

You knew he was the best protector out there.

Leviathan

"I'm coming right away, don't worry MC!"

Stumbles around with his plate at your sudden invitation. His day has come. He is the chosen one.

He struggles to sit down, feeling estatic and nervous at the same time. "I didn't think you'd want to eat with me of all people, MC..."

"After tonight, maybe you'll feel that way about me Levi..." You said, taking off your mask. His face lit up as he let out a loud "Woahhh!"

Thinking he was scared you tried to hide it again before he screamed, "MC you look just like my favourite character from that horror romance anime "I fell for my best friend's scarred smile! That's so cool!"

You blink at him, blushing. What is with him and his oddly specific anime names!? Levi was oblivious to your shock ,going off at his own tangent. "You could pull off the perfect cosplay, come to my room tomorrow I can design it for you and then I'll make my own to go with it and we can go to the next convention-"

"Levi Levi calm down you'll run out of breath!" You couldn't hold in your laughter.

He stared at you awestruck,"So cute...why would you hide that cute face MC?" You shake your head, "Not everyone sees it as cute Levi."

"Well sucks for them to be such stupid normies." Levi blushed and scoffed.

Levi was the best friend everyone deserves and you were glad to have him.

Satan

"I'd be delighted to join you MC."

Was slightly taken aback at first but quickly composes himself and his dinner and follows you. His pace faster than usual.

Pulls out your chair for you like a gentleman and sits down himself. You smile and blush at the action. "So how was your day MC?" He asks like a gentleman, avoiding the elephant in the room, choosing it normalise it. You let the mask fall off your face.

"Oh..." Satan sat up straight, his shoulders stiff, his eyes going wide in anger. "Who dared to-"

"No no no Satan it was an accident!" You had to explain the whole thing for him to calm down. Then he nodded and held out his palm. "May I see how the deep the scar is MC?"

That was new. Noone has wanted to touch your scars before. When you nod, he reaches out and runs his fingers softly across your scars. "Hmm don't worry. They're not too deep. I can have them gone in a matter of days. That is if you'd like to me to."

It's like he knew. As much as you hated that scar, it kind of helped you see people's true intentions. You looked down unsure. Satan held your hand. "It's normal to get attached to scars you have for too long. None of us here will treat you any differently with or without it."

You smiled at him and held one of his fingers playfully. He laughed, his cheeks turning pink. "Ah now that's a smile I'd love to see everyday. May I have dinner with you more often MC?"

"Of course." His words and his presence were always calming to you.

Asmodeus

"I was wondering when you'd ask MC!"

Daintily picks up all of things and paces after you. He was excited but he restrained himself but he didn't want to scare you off.

Sits down close to you, smiling gleefully. He's just happy to be there with you. Grabs something off your plate with a fork and holds it upto your mouth. "MC come here let me feed you!"

It was probably the most nerve wracking to open your mask in front of him. The Avatar of Lust, the most beautiful being in Hell, and you- ugh, what's the point? You've come this far, let's get it over with. You put your mask down, bite off the potato off his fork.

You'd think Asmo would probably gasp and act all dramatic and hysterical. But instead he cupped your face, his eyes filled with worry and tenderness. "MC how long have you had this...?"

"A little over three years." You answered honestly. Asmo looked like he was about to cry. "You've been hiding away your pretty face from people for three years..." Asmo pulled you in a hug. "Noone deserves that. It's too lonely."

"Oh I'd hardly call it pretty-" Before you can even retort, he is glaring and pouting at you, holding your shoulders.

"I think I know beauty a little better than you, MC. And I say you're gorgeous and I'm going to eat with you everyday now." Asmo huffed to which you laughed.

Everyone deserves a hypeman like Asmo in their lives.

Beelzebub

"Oh? Me? Sure MC!"

Is surprised but happily goes along with you with all his food. You know he loves you when he gets midway from eating just to eat in your room.

He sits across, already muching away at his food. "Thank you for asking me to eat with you MC." You nod and tentatively take your mask off, trying not to draw too much attention for it.

Beel looks up shocked, his mouth full of food but he stopped chewing. He involuntarily reaches out to touch you, "Does it hurt MC?"

You shake your head. "It's years old Beel. It's okay. " Beel looks genuinely relieved at that and goes back to eating again. He doesn't seem bothered by it at all after that.

"Say MC will you be free next week? I could use your help in the new workout I'm doing. I need to train particular muscles for the big game they said." He switched to a whole new topic just like that. "Also this means I get to eat with you every day right?"

You felt warm inside. You were more than just your scar and Beel made you feel like that by hardly saying anything at all.

Belphegor

"...me huh? No I wouldn't mind."

Has a smug grin on his face as he gathers up his meal and slowly heads upward with you, making sure his brothers see how you chose him over the others. Cheeky cow.

He sits leaning into you cause he's too lazy to sit up straight. "So what's the special occasion MC? A face reveal?" Wow this one is direct.

He is staring right at you, as you pull off the mask slowly, thinking if it was a bad idea. His eyes grow wide for a split second before his fingers are already near your mouth feeling the scars.

"Deliberate or accident?" He asks. "Accident." You answer. He nods, "Good. I'm too tired today, wouldn't be able to take appropriate revenge." His fingers never leave your face.

"Is that why you keep it covered? You're embarrassed of it?" He asks. You think about it for a while. "I think I accepted it, it just seemed to make people uncomfortable and scared, if I smiled or opened my mouth to eat." You answer.

He smirked. "Then smile more. Let their cowardly selves feel uncomfortable. It's their problem that they can't see how cute your smile is."

That was surprisingly thoughtful. You smiled at him. "Thanks..."

He smirked back, "Also I'm going to be eating here from now on. My brothers annoy me."

He's cheeky but he has a good heart. Smiling never felt so easy.