#this is a love letter and a rant

[londonfoginacup]

So I finally finished Grimmy’s book.

And like, first of all I have to clarify that I LOVE Grimmy. I am here today as a One Direction stan only because I started listening to Radio 1 with a veritable obsession as I walked from class to class at my local college in the middle of Ohio in 2012. When I started listening to Radio 1, it was through the Scott Mills podcast during the Olympics, and then as Scott and Chris filled in on the breakfast show for the week between Moyles and Grimmy.

This was how I was introduced to Grimmy.

I didn’t even get into One Direction until two years later, when I heard the world premiere of Steal My Girl on Radio 1 and I realised they were 🔥

So the point is, I’m a Grimmy stan first. Scott, Chris and Grimmy were my first loves, and I already owned and loved Scott’s autobiography (clearly ghostwritten in large part, not that I blame him), so Grimmy’s book was a must to add to my collection.

(And yes, of course I got it signed. I’m getting Jordan and William’s signed too, ordered that one this week. I am a SLUT for BBC DJ books).

So there’s my credentials. I love Grimmy. I feel a deep hatred in my gut when I witness Grimmy slander. Fuck off, he is full of happiness and life.

ANYWAY. His book is incredible. Delightful. I’m very sad it’s over (I HAD been reading a chapter a week, but I got greedy today). It’s loosely chronological, but each chapter is based around a theme so it jumps around a bit. Plus, it feels very clear from the introduction and onward that he wrote it himself (complaining about how excruciating it was to try to just sit down and WRITE 70k? Nothing is more relatable).

So much of it is about his childhood, about growing up with almost grown siblings and loving but older parents. About realising he’s just a little odd, and then realising he’s very odd, and realising that he’s gay and then embracing that gayness. He talks about his deep anxiety and his passions and finding the love of his life. I read a ridiculous amount of memoirs in my free time but this one did feel exceptionally like I was listening to a bestie over drinks. I love him and I want to read it again. Parts of reading about his childhood feel like sitting in sunshine.

And now that I’ve bored most people into skipping back out of this readmore and onto the next post, here’s my controversial take:

Grimmy spends about thirty pages on his time working Radio 1. Like you’re 7/8th through the book before it happens. And that portion is all about him and his own feelings and also his bestie Annie Mac. And I just want to say, Jesus Christ of course he didn’t talk about Harry. I can’t even think of a place in the book where that would have made sense.

Celebrities Grimmy mentions, that I remember:

- Amy Winehouse, because she’s one of the first people he really gets to know in That London

- Lady GaGa, because his dad loves her

- Adele, because she made him cry while his dad was dying

That’s it. That’s the list. This wasn’t a tell-all about his party days with celebrities. This was a book about GRIMMY. The more celebs in the book, the less people are going to be reading it for him. This was a book about growing up and becoming himself, and a book about finding himself after the radio. He knows that everyone knows what his life on the radio was like. This book was about the rest of him. About how he became him.

Really, out of the very few paragraphs devoted to radio 1, this is the one that stuck out to me;

Big Boss Ben told me this was his strategy, that Radio 1 had a job to do: appeal to the kids, hey them hooked into the BBC from an early age. They wanted to shake it up, chop the age range, lost listeners who were not relevant. […] They said I was surely the only DJ in history who was employed to make audiences smaller.”

Like, Christ. Imagine the toll on your self esteem.

Also, one last thought back on the rant;

Grimmy spends this whole book writing about accepting himself, and being so deep in his anxiety because of his initial rejection of self. He speaks about being a small scared gay boy to being a large, proud gay man. This book is about his acceptance of that part of him, as much as it is about anything else. I can’t imagine that he would even want to include Harry or Louis anywhere in this book. Not when they’re closeted as they are, and he wouldn’t be able to really touch on their friendship without leaving large chunks out. I’m sure their shared queer lives is a lot of what their friendship is based on. Why put a flattened, pale imitation of that in his book?

So anyway. No, Harry did not silence him or whatever. This book was about Grimmy. It wasn’t about Grimmy-name dropping-celeb-besties.

…plus, one direction was in there. Obviously.

[otrtbs]

here’s the thing. the absolute joy and wonder i feel whenever someone tells me they came across ahb! and are now taking an art history course / majoring in art next year / went to their local art museum for the first time in ages is exponential. when yall send me your favorite artworks and tell me about them or tell me you went to x museum to see x painting mentioned in ahb??? it’s just so so wonderful. because never did i think something i wrote out of love for art and love for art history would lead anyone else to research art or talk about it or seek it out for themselves and that’s so much more than i could ever imagine would come out of a very timid first attempt at creative writing/fandom involvement.

i wrote it out of love and y’all have all reciprocated that love tenfold and ran with it to talk about art and explore it and share it with me and those around you. and it’s just been a very special incredible thing that makes me emosh. :,)

[naynokkori]

Friendly reminder that this exists.

[iamfuckingsorry]

Thinking about that mural from DE

You know which one

TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD, FOR THE NEW PEOPLE. IT IS TOO LATE FOR US. WREAK HAVOC ON THE MIDDLE CLASS

The next world mural. In the game, you encounter this piece very early on if you interact with everything available, you probably see this mural before you've ever even heard of Dora or before you've started to get really serious about your commie tendencies, if that's how you choose to play. And the reaction is like, "wow, this is kinda profound actually". Or maybe it's like, "oh lol, this game really is commie af isn't it" (even though later on it turns out that the game is much more critical of communism than you'd think at first). And the story in the ledger provides some insight into Harry and Jean and how they work together too, so it feels like it makes sense, it fits in very well at that moment in the game and that's it.

But looking back at this mural after you've played through the entire game, knowing what you know of Harry's relationship with Dora...

It's Harry's own fucking love story in a way, isn't it?

Him and Dora came from very different backgrounds. He's genuinely poor, grew up checking the trash cans on the streets for tare and edible food, spent his teenage years running around with a bunch of kids who all OD'd or got themselves killed one way or another over the years. He had dreams of getting an education, getting a chance to use his creativity and curiosity and learn about all that that is worth exploring in this world (which is everything), but those dreams are long dead. She's solidly middle class, with access to all the education and art and music he's always dreamt of, with her family to always fall back on. She's everything Harry's ever dreamt of growing up. She might as well be living in another world.

They fall in love with each other and she moves to Jamrock to live with him. Jamrock, the biggest fucking ghetto in Revachol, full of tweakers and gangsters and just thousands upon thousands of poor people permanently down on their luck trying to get by, with no proper aid or government and a police station so understaffed and underfunded they never even stood a chance. And they can barely make ends meet even living in Jamrock, moving from shithole to shithole, never knowing when they'll have their electricity cut, when something will happen that gets them thrown out, desperately scrambling for a new place to stay. And Dora could never do that, not really - she never actually lived in Jamrock, she always had the possibility of leaving, of going to work across the river and visiting her parents whenever she felt like it or just escaping, packing her shit and getting on the tram and never going back. And as long as she knew she wasn't really, truly stuck in this miserable shithole forever, she wasn't ever really living in Jamrock. And it could never be enough for her.

And she wanted more - for herself, for Harry, for their family, who even knows. Maybe she saw Harry struggling trying and failing to make a difference as a gym teacher and thought he could do more good with the RCM. Maybe she was getting desperate, living in this fucking shithole, and thought they needed more money. Maybe it was something completely else - but what is certain is that Harry ended up joining the RCM, and the 41st, and everyone there is on speed, everyone is miserable and desperate and always running behind playing catch up with the case load, with the crimes, with the drug addicts and rapists and murderers, and Harry, who's always been like this close to a genuine mental breakdown, just fucking falls apart. He needs to help people, needs to make a difference, and working at the 41st, with the budget and case load and staffing situation and the pure fucking misery in the area. He goes out and meets a miserable person after a miserable person and he can't do anything else than be nice, make their day a little bit more manageable, do his best- but he knows that no matter what he does, his best won't be enough. He won't be able to make a dent in the pure fucking misery that is Jamrock. But he needs to, so he drinks, he smokes, he does drugs, he loses any semblance of control he ever had over the voices in his head, the dude telling him to hit shit and the dude telling him to forget everything and just get fucked up and Revachol herself screaming at him about her imminent death. And in the end Dora can't stand it anymore and she leaves (and, honestly, good for her. I'm happy for her. But this is about Harry, and Harry isn't, he isn't able to be happy for her at this point in time).

And like. I personally doubt that she'd have left just because of the money if everything else was good. I honestly even doubt that the money was that big of an issue for her to start with, it was all the other issues first and then the fact that they couldn't even rent a fucking VHS and play it at times became just one more thing on top of this already massive pile of shit that broke the proverbial camel's back. But in Harry's mind, he was never rich enough for her. She was always the middle class girl who settled for the poor fuck, and he was never gonna be good enough for her because he was just a broke dude from Jamrock. She was perfect and so so beautiful and at one point her love was the only thing keeping him going, and then she left because he couldn't even

And from what we can see in the game she was the only person he's ever really, truly loved.

But in his mind, they could never be together again. They could try as they might, but it was never gonna work out, because she was a rich girl and he was just a poor miserable fuck. He grew up looking for change on the streets, she took piano lessons in a fancy part of town. The difference was just too large to ever truly be bridged.

So for post-breakup Harry, prior to Martinaise and even during the events in Martinaise, true love was never actually possible. It is possible only for the new people, in the next world. It was too late for him - he had his chance, and it was an impossible thing, it could never have worked out and now he's wasted it. Because of the inherent differences between different social classes. It is too late for him. So yeah, fuck it, wreak havoc on the fucking middle class. Fuck those rich bastards who took Dora from him, and fuck Dora too.

On another note, this was also one of the most recent cases him and Jean worked on prior to Martinaise. I don't remember the date exactly, but it was in his last ledger, it must have been pretty recent. Do you think he saw the mural and thought about it the same way I did? Maybe this was the one that truly pushed him over the edge? The impossible love. It truly was too late for him. The only way to fix it is a new fucking start. And how do you get that?

After life - death. After death - life again.

[tea-time-terrier]

[soup-bender]

I don’t have a single idea how to Art properly but this thing pulled me out of blank page syndrome and came at a too great cost not to share (i took about 3 sips of watercolor paint on accident)

Anyway this is just a colorful splotch of colors based on this fic by mastermind @lespetitesmortsde that you should totally read or re read ⏬

some process shit under the cut because i felt fancy

Started with just a little dumb sketch of them having a chhhhleepover but then I was like hm.

Decided to line art it and started a digital draft but then my pc died so thats for later

Cleaner version of final imagen alt with no background. Anyway, kisses on the left buttcheek and all.

[ace-no-isha]

i miss luffy. the concept of freedom embodied as a person makes me grieve my life a little LMFAO. he is everything to me. he is my dreams as a person. completely free and changing the world. everything i want to be so bad. i adore him. he is a thousand suns to me in his brilliance. id burn the world down for a hug from him. i would do unspeakable things for a taste of the freedom he lives. i miss him. i wish i could reread one piece for the first time again. the joy and grief and anger of that story all over again that makes me feel alive. i want to feel alive like luffy does. stubborn in his place on this earth because he’s got dreams that are worth everything, but also completely content with dying in the process of reaching his dream. and yet still, he refuses to die because it means he can’t protect the ones he loves. he will shave off years of his life if it buys you a second more. he is so fucking selfless in his selfish way of living. he is my everything.

[emptybrainstuff]

I don't know which is harder. To believe that you never loved me at all or that you loved me but you still left. I don't know which one hurts more, my love.

[gilgamushroom]

To everyone who's ever had to deal with the continuity of the Sherlock canon: I am so sorry

[eeveekitti]

Can i ask for some loveletter (spearmaster x hunter). or perhaps error 404 (nightcat x sofantheil/inv/enot)

just the teensiest tiniest error 404

[xxkazuna14]

N: *finds a note* Hmm, what's this? Uzi: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it* N: Aww, is this a love note for V? Uzi: NO- N: *opens it* N: Uh- Uzi: N: I can't read this.

[ic-napology]

So I am reading this novel about Naps and Josephine's story and his passion has already worn out in Italy, so his whole great love for here is also over by consequence. An idea is worth loving, not a human woman. He's already ogling Giuseppina Grassini. (Btw funny how his first serious mistress's name was the same he gave to his wife).

I'm bothered when they come to picture this as the ending of all Napoleon's love for Josephine. Mostly in fiction, but even non-fiction tends to give this interpretation of their dynamic, sometimes already during the Italian campaign.

(I should point that this is an old novel, though.)

Why should any feeling of love go away once most passion and enthusiasm is over? The "mio dolce amor" period seems to me as just one phase of a much more complex relationship. I'd rather see it like Napoleon matured out of an excessive enthusiasm, stopped idealising her wife and gave her a more balanced vision and sentiment. He certainly had to do this after facing her faults, maybe also suffering while doing so, but should that not be love too?

He must have stopped worshipping a divinity and begun comprehending a woman, and that should be framed more as a positive thing, not as a delusion.

[jemmo]

i cant tell you how much i ADORE this first episode of my beautiful man s2. there’s something about the pace of it, especially in hira and kiyoi’s interactions, the quick back and forth, hira saying something, kiyoi catching him out, hira backing down, kiyoi getting mad about that, hira stuttering to try and say the right thing. the way they interact is this seemingly endless cat and mouse going in circles around this big, huge centre thing that is ‘the point’. they both want to convey so much but neither can put the plain and simple words to it, hira is too much and kiyoi is too little. and yet they still have these moments, when they let the plain truth slip, hira saying you’re just too cute, or kiyoi earnestly asking hira not to leave him, it peels back at their true sentiment that’s always being danced around.

and the thing is, if you didnt watch the first season, this relationship could so easily be seen as bad bad really bad, the way they almost bicker and get mad, how kiyoi appears to pick at hira and gets mad so easily, how hira acts more like an avoid stalker than a boyfriend and always seems on edge or off in his head catastrophising. some people still might. i can see how it can be a difficult relationship to digest. its weird, awkward and uncomfortable at times, and almost absent of the usual softness of a bl couple. but thats why i adore it. because i think its so important and interesting to portray a different kind of relationship, even if maybe exaggerated to fit the king and servent original premise that hira still holds onto. bc the thing with these kinds of relationships is it doesnt matter what we think of it, whether we like it or think its ok, its about the people in it. some people are just different, they act differently, and interact differently, and thats ok if its ok for the people involved, and thats what i think the case is for hira and kiyoi. obviously they still have problems, this relationship isnt perfect, and i think this series is gonna show that, but thats also ok. just bc a relationship isnt perfect, doesnt mean it shouldnt exist. there has to be something there in the first place for it to be worked on. and there is. at the core of it all, these two people really really love and care about each other, they just express it differently, and maybe need to learn how to express it in a way that makes it easier and better for the other to feel it. maybe hira needs to let kiyoi off that pedastal, and maybe kiyoi needs to not view his feelings as this weird, gross thing. but that takes time, and i think is truly worth it.

and what makes it work and so thrilling and interesting to watch as a show is that kiyoi and hira somehow both encourage that detrimenal behaviour but are also so incredibly good for each other, and good at challenging that behaviour. hira wants to see kiyoi as a god and kiyoi wants to be loved, so he can be that godly figure. you can see it in this almost entitled way he acts, pushing hira around, even when he just sits down in the rocking chair, above hira, very mch the image of a king and his bowing servent. as someone that was starved of love as a child, he laps that up. but its when his feelings grow for hira that he realises he doesnt want to be some god or king, he just wants plain and simple, human, equal love. so he ends that scene lying on hira’s lap, lower than him, airing his insecurities of being abandoned and asking hira to stay with him, very much that lonely child wanting someone else’s love. not devotion, not sacrifice, just love. and its his feelings for hira that allow him to push hira in a good way, challenge him, bring him out of his shell, which he desperately needs. hira is so stuck in his head that he hasnt reared his head enough to learn how to act like an actual person. so used to blending into the background, he doesnt know how to be his own person and not an object or a piece of the furniture. you see it at the party, that he doesnt know enough small talk words to get through a conversation, let alone actually be himself and interact with others on an equal level. thats why he takes on this servent role, bc he’s never seen himself as enough of a person to be anything else. he can only be made real when characterised by his actions for others. kiyoi’s rejection of these roles means he can challenge hira to step up, to be on his level, and in that find himself. there’s hints, you can see it, in his love of phtography, when he talks about the moon, when he’s around others and even kiyoi and they have these softer moments where it feels like hes breathing and calm instead of stuttering and panting through an interaction and his brain is running a mile a minute. kiyoi has seen it too, and thats why he fell in love with him. ok, maybe he likes his eccentricities too, but he sees a person that he wants to be with, on equal terms, and in that he wants to pull hira up and see him be himself, realise himself as a person, just as much as he has to step down. and they dont explain these things plainly, voice that they want to help each other in this way, but you see it so clearly. its the subtext of this almost other language that they speak together thats full of twisted meanings and hidden intentions, at the heart of it is, like i said before, actual love and care for each other. do they need to get better at it? yes. but do they need to become our idea of a normal relationship to do that? no, absolutely not. after all, hira will always be hira, and kiyoi will always be kiyoi, and if they lost that, they’d lose themselves and their love for each other. so stay weird, stay unconventional, and stay yourselves, my beautiful couple. 

[prismartist]

ID: two minecraft books. the first one reads, "para jaiden. You're really cool!!!! also log in more often bro WTF." all is in caps except "you're really cool." the second one reads, "To Cellbit, I understand you love Roier very much. But if you want to be with him manipulation is not the way. You need to do some personal growth and bring nothing but love and respect to your relationship. If you hurt him I will hunt you down personally. End ID.

cellbit's letter to jaiden vs jaiden's letter to cellbit

[astronomicalunit32]

In my motivic analysis phase. When did we decide to stop listening to the hamilton soundtrack.

[passthroughtime]

i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now