#this is about whoever you want it to be. but it’s actually about caesar

[caesxr]

may his pussy haunt the narrative forever

[triflesandparsnips]

(eta 10/10/23: Having just realized that this is now a very easy to google explainer, please also see the full end-of-game roundup here: "when something is definitely not a game, but most definitely a gift" or my related #definitely not a game tag. We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense, currently in progress.)

So... so.

So this just dropped.

And listen. LISTEN. For people who haven't been following this Our Flag Means Death-related alternate-reality-shenanigan fest, the following will make no sense to you-- or, wait, fuck it--

A Brief History of the Javid Denkins Alternate-Reality Game

(I didn't intend "overly long essays about in-depth fandom-related shenanigans" to be my brand, but by god I'm here now and I will make us all suffer through it.)

Reality (As We Know It)

Established and verified gay pirate showrunner David Jenkins is a regular shenanigineer on twitter: retweets fanart, retweets cosplays, calls fans sluts (endearment), has ongoing fight with medieval cats.

Back in 2022, David Jenkins implied heavily that he had joined tumblr, but did not cough up his account name.

This is the sum total of real and actual events and identities.

Through the Looking Glass

Fans started looking for David Jenkins's tumblr. What fans found is the tumblr of one Javid Denkins, who appeared to be new, had a variant of Jenkins's twitter icon, and seemed to be cheekily maintaining an incognito by steadfastly asserting that he is definitely not David Jenkins.

Fans got weird about it, because that is the nature of fandom. I said something about it here, because I have Feelings about the Rules of Incognito and also about Not Being Weird About People Who Make the Content We Like. I put it as a reblog to the post, as per regular tumblring, no response requested/required because babes, if I'm going to be perceived, I want it to be organic. (ahem... FOOTNOTE 1)

I kept a cursory eye on things, because it can be Really Lonely to be a famous person who just wants to have a regular online experience, and if that's what whoever was on the other end wanted, then that's what they should get to have imo. Unlike a regular tumblr that I might reply to directly or engage with on a same-level kinda way, I let them set the rules of engagement because unless/until they came clean, they would always be Schrodinger's Showrunner to me, and therefore subject to my internal Don't Be Creepy ruleset.

My second Javid reblog was pretty much what I would do to any other newbie tumblr person (as they professed to be): adding on to a gag by referencing the "color of the sky" meme and also a seagull, for OFMD-related reasons (which fit within the ruleset, because Javid was actively connecting himself with OFMD type things). And Javid reblogged it, so hey, I was winning at tumblr interactions, a thing that is normal to want and possible to achieve.

Time passed. Javid dropped (what will be revealed to be the first of many) photo manipulations. (FOOTNOTE 2)

On the same day, Javid posted what looked like an accidental smashkey. I reblogged with a seagull, because again, established rules of engagement and me winning at tumblr interactions. He reblogged himself, though, with what looked like another smashkey, but was actually a goddamn Caesar cipher-- and started using the tag #definitely not a game.

From there, Javid started up a stream of fairly fun puzzles. I didn't keep up with it fully, but since it looked like Javid wanted people to interact, I interacted (while trying to ensure that other people could keep having fun too). He also started subtly changing his icon, his tumblr header, etc., expanding the bounds of the puzzle space, as it were. (And if you want a complete rundown of the puzzle history and the associated answers, this twitter thread is enormous and thorough, thank you @eefaevie.)

The seagull made an appearance every once in a while; I threw together various season 2 bingo cards in response to these potential spoilers; I spent my time largely keeping back so I could eat popcorn and Not Be Creepy. But... but.

The thing was, Javid's method of posting (in a "heeeere fishy fishy fishy" manner) seemed, to me, to be the actions of someone trying to play with the audience and/or provide enrichment for the enclosure. So after some thought and, again, remembering the loneliness of being a Creative Person but trying to be mindful that this person was still incognito and could be the actual dude, I started using the seagull to reblog extra content, links, whathaveyou, with the tag #enrichment can go in BOTH enclosures-- with the idea that, if Javid wanted to look, he had the option to do so-- and if he did, he'd be rewarded with, again, no demands on him or his attention, but just: some content. Some enrichment. Some fun. A "picking up what you're putting down" kind of vibe from one person to another, both of whom are, at the very least, interested in communicating with an audience.

To be clear: For me, at the end of the day, it had to be a choice. I needed to provide room for Javid to choose to enter the magic circle of my additional game play-- but I also wasn't going to hold my breath about it. This was Javid's space, with intentions and purposes I had no way of knowing (nor should I)-- I was just, metaphorically, bringing another set of dice and maybe some graph paper with an extra room drawn on it that he could easily enter if he wanted, to play in a space intended to complement his. He was putting in a shitton of labor for what was essentially just a gift; I wanted to show appreciation for that labor, while putting in some of my own to gift back.

So when the first round of puzzles ended, and a new one began, I linked the answers to one of his anagram puzzles inside some seagull gifs-- but I figured, why not add something extra? I used his pigpen cipher to dare him to use a book code next. To even see the dare he'd have to want to decode the gifs-- and if he ultimately didn't want to engage, no skin off my nose. (That's why there's a border around the magic circle with clear entrances and exits.) Either way, I was having a nice time.

The next puzzle type was a stereogram. (Neat.) The puzzle after that, though? I get tagged and informed that Javid has, in fact, posted a motherfucking book code. (FOOTNOTE 3)

Enter the Thunder Parasocial Dome

This is the point where I first have to be pulled down from the curtains by rational people who have only my best interests at heart.

(Having a whole Thesis Statement about why I was engaging with Schrodinger's Showrunner is one thing. Having possible evidence that my engagement was, like, actually engaged with is quite another.)

By sweet and loving friends and family I was reminded that:

Other people are, in fact, allowed to be clever about things too.

That all sorts of pre-planning may have gone into all this, and that therefore the timing was a coincidence.

That there are a limited number of easily accessible ciphers out there, so the code type could also be a coincidence.

And that either way I still have my important Don't Be Creepy code of ethics.

So. I took a deep breath. Cool. I was totally and absolutely cool about this.

...And in a totally normal manner I proceeded to lay an elaborate trap.

AHAHAHA JUST JOKING what I mean is: I replied to the tagged post, acknowledging that the sphere of potential puzzling had now expanded beyond tumblr. I used Javid's own fake-link trick to link to a seagull laugh. And in the tags I threw in a lot of potential internet-related alternate reality stuff.

But also, crucially... some more ideas for Javid to use. (FOOTNOTE 4) If he wanted them. If he was actually looking.

Since I was now playing In Earnest, I spent some time putting together a youtube channel, an alternate tumblr, a neocities account -- a whole new field of play, if Javid wanted to engage there. I pulled out the dusty memories of a Yuletide fic I wrote several years ago that used similar shenanigans to tell an interactive fiction story about Monty Python. (Hilariously enough, my first RPF.) I continued to play with all these new and fascinating toys.

A Strange Ship on the Horizon

What with one thing and another three years pass, a Javid puzzle eventually lead to an AO3 account-- which to me definitively opened Schrodinger's box: maybe this was a member of the production playing with fire, more likely it was a clever fan whose brain is fucking fascinating, but it most definitely was not David Jenkins.

But. Javid was still in incognito. And I still don't know if I had been perceived.

I read the fic the Javid account is writing (which is still a work in progress and pretty great ngl)-- it's a fandom AU, where Ed and Stede are fans of a gay pirate romcom called Blow the Man Down, featuring Sam Bellamy and Olivier Levasseur. The showrunner is named Javid, who doesn't have social media but gets cornered into agreeing to join twitter (rather than our universe's tumblr). And Ed decides, on a lark, to start a fake twitter account, tag it #definitelynotjaviddenkins... and then freak out because a large contingent of fandom shows up on his metaphorical doorstep saying HELLO, JAVID.

As if this weren't enough: beyond the fic itself, suddenly a whole multimedia alternate universe suddenly appeared, with multiple twitter and AO3 accounts beyond just Stede and Ed, forming an entire fucking fandom, Goncharov-style, around Blow the Man Down. It was and continues to be fucking wild. It's also amazing. And the porn is surprisingly approachable. (BUT SEE AGAIN FOOTNOTE 1)

Grappling Hooks Breaching the Parasocial Divide

The thing is, though. The thing. That is.

I have officially reached Level 2 Curtain Clawing.

As I read the fic and the accompanying universe, I started to. Notice things.

References to soap (but... but surely that's normal. Many people talk about soap, not just amateur history enthusiasts like myself).

References to obscure scents (LABDANUM. Someone referenced labda-motherfucking-num. But surely. Surely it is not an entirely unheard of thing; I am not the first person to discover it or the fact that it gets combed from goats jesus christ the goat thing I forgot about that--)

References to the drilled coin from the wreck of Sam Bellamy's ship, which appeared as a random bit of possible future lore for Javid in this bit of enrichment (but I put in lots of possible lore! I had a whole thing going about figureheads! Bad luck to kill a seabird! I had a whole thing for a while where I thought maybe the digraph code Javid was hinting at was actually a Playfair cipher! I have been wrong many times before and added lots of random possible narratives. SO SURELY THE COIN IS A COINCIDENCE).

References to... okay not really references, and I've never articulated it quite like this (though this is definitely my vibe), but references to the idea of these puzzles and enrichment being a conversation in and of themselves, held at a remove and existing entirely in call (Javid) and response (the audience).

Finally... I started to notice that Stede decodes/interprets Ed-as-Javid's puzzles in a long twitter thread (like... like the one linked above) but also... sends back puzzles. Like, well, me.

"But STILL," I screech from the top of the curtain rail. "This could ALL BE COINCIDENCE," I yowl as friends and family try to bat me down with a broom. Even, by god, today's drop... which uses a password-protected url shortener. The exact same one I used in an earlier enrichment. But! It's not like there are a lot of those! Maybe this was just the first one that cropped up for Javid, just as it was the first that cropped up for me! (BUT THEN AGAIN, MAY I REFER YOU BACK TO FOOTNOTE 4)

The fic is at chapter 14. There are, if AO3 is to be believed, 7 more chapters to go, plus who knows how much additional extra-universe material. There is so. much. here.

...And so many more opportunities to climb all the curtains.

“It's a great huge game of chess that's being played—all over the world—if this is the world at all, you know.”

So at this point... what, in fact, is happening?

I'm inside a Schrodinger's box whose sides are entirely composed of parasocial uncertainty.

Maybe Javid is here. (HELLO, JAVID.)

Maybe he isn't! (HELLO, THE MIRROR IN MY ENCLOSURE.)

Maybe I'm not actually being referenced at all, but the writer of that twitter thead, @eefaevie, is (HI EEFAEVIE WHAT'S UP HOW'S THE PARASOCIAL AIR IN YOUR ENCLOSURE DOIN')

I don't know. I can't know. Unless someone opens the box.

and my god, what if they never do?

tl;dr. This is the most enriching fun I've had in months, and if the magic circle is going to widen to include me, then friend, I intend to BRING MY A-GAME.

---

FOOTNOTES

1. During the course of that mini-essay, I say the following:

"If it's someone who is not the dude but just a tumblrite who managed to catch on really quick? Well goddamn, good for them, and also A+ Wink-Nudge acrobatics. Real dude can have a peaceful time reading critical analyses of Goncharov, Javid here can quietly start introducing strange lore and running gags and other fun-with-plausible-deniability shenanigans".

One day later Javid starts answering questions about characters with enigmatic season 2 spoilery things; a little less than ten days later, we get the first fake link (which, imo, is the real start of the game).

2. This is now only 24 days after my "strange lore and fun with plausible deniability" post.

3. My dare: January 26. Javid's book code: February 4.

4. My tags on the post wherein I acknowledge that the dare has, possibly, been taken up, read: #you know what's cool? besides how #enrichment can go in BOTH enclosures #is how much you can do with html #like sure sure we've all seen the embedded links #but I remember the days of hidden source code messages #websites with delayed redirects #passwords hidden on one site to open the locked contents of another #you know #~normal things~ #I'm certain none of this will become relevant #because this is #definitely not a game

[just-late-roman-republic-things]

Do you want to learn about military economics and agricultural reform in the Roman republic? Of course you do! Because history is awesome.

So. You know how the Romans had "patrons" who provided money and assistance to "clients," who in turn supported their patrons politically. One of the theories about Why The Roman Republic Fell™ is that eventually whole armies eventually became "clients" of generals like Caesar and Pompey. In this view, soldiers became more loyal to their generals than to the state, because the generals were responsible for paying them, not the Senate. Gaius Marius is usually blamed for making this possible, since he opened military recruitment to the poor, not just property owners.

However! There are Problems with this theory!

The property requirement to enlist had been dropping for decades, and was mostly ignored by Marius' time anyway.

There are only two instances of a Roman army marching on Rome in the late republic, and both times, the soldiers believed they were upholding the rightful government. Sulla was the lawfully elected consul when he marched on Rome in 88 BCE, and in 49, Caesar argued that he (and the army) were defending the people's representatives from a violent faction that was interfering in free elections.

There are no known examples of a Roman army defecting to another state during this time, but they did mutiny against specific commanders. Mutinying troops quickly accepted new commanders sent by the Senate. In other words, they felt no client-like obligation to their generals, yet remained loyal to Rome itself.

There are many examples of discharged veterans waiting years at a time for their pensions from the Senate. They were clearly not trying to overthrow the state.

The idea that soldiers from poor families would be more greedy and willing to betray their country, compared to rich soldiers, is uh. Actually pretty classist. We know the Roman aristocracy was greedy as hell.

Verdict: There were no client armies. Generals had to convince soldiers both that their cause was legitimate and that the general could lead and provide for them.

What does "providing for" the troops mean?

Wages! Roman soldiers were paid barely subsistence money in 100 BCE and got no wage increase until Caesar doubled it 50 years later.

Plunder! Every ancient army did this, but the Romans had a whole system for defeating, securing, and then thoroughly stripping an area of its valuables. And its people. They enslaved a lot of folks.

Bonuses! Generals and legates got the big bucks but they'd usually hand out extra at the end of a campaign.

Last and most explosive, land grants! Because the Roman dream was apparently to own your own farm. Not to actually work it, of course, you'd use slaves for that. But you'd take the credit of being a Real Farmer anyway.

There was no better way to start a riot in the late republic than to start talking about land grants. See, the city of Rome was Fucking Huge, and 98% of its inhabitants were Poor As Fuck. Most of the legionaries were also Poor As Fuck unless they got lucky with plunder. So there was a recurring problem of what to do with all the veterans coming home, and also all the poor people struggling to feed themselves in Rome itself.

Solution: Parcel out state land for the poor. The poor folks get farms and can now happily provide for themselves (on the backs of slave labor). They're less likely to burn the Senate house down that way, right?

Problem: The rich didn't want to redistribute land. Even if it wasn't their land, they were often squatting on it unofficially. (I told you the aristocrats were greedy.) Plus, whoever was in charge of allotting the land would have a great opportunity to enrich himself and turn the new farmers into his clients.

This led to multiple Very Necessary humanitarian bills getting shot down in the Senate. The veterans and urban poor were not happy. It's likely that the defeat of one of these bills, in 63, provided some of the impetus for the Catilinarian revolt afterward.

It also became the flashpoint for Julius Caesar's consulship in 59, when he attempted to introduce a very moderate land bill, got stonewalled in the Senate for no reason other than "We don't like you," and had the bill ratified by the public assembly instead. Which was legal, but pissed the senators off, and set a hostile tone for the rest of his consulship. (Also, the bit where Caesar's friends dumped shit on his colleague's head didn't help.)

Agricultural reform didn't cause the republic to fall apart...but it widened the divide between Caesar and his enemies, which would culminate in a fight over whether he could run for office again in 50, and the civil war breaking out in 49.

(Adapted from Erich Gruen, The Last Generation of the Roman Republic, pp. 365-404.)

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

lgbt thoughts

like the ethnicity post i really only have ideas about certain characters and the rest are up to whatever people think they are ^_^ i mean these are too, speculate whatever you want, but heres my interpretation of a few characters

joner: aroace. romance-neutral. this is all self projection on my part, i think joner as a character just prefers friendships to relationships and romance would make him uncomfortable but hes very supportive of others. he/him (impartial to she/her though)

scary: aromantic and unlabeled otherwise. romance-repulsed AND she's a hater about it. she/he/they

kelly: always been transfem somehow to me. transhet. they/them and VERY occasionally they/she, really depends on the mood

michela: bigender boygirl but doesn't really talk about it, especially in those words. would date whoever but high preference for dudes. would label her preference for guys as either straight or gay depending on the context. she/her

courtney: calls themselves non-binary for binary people but it's more complicated than that. sapphic with an itty bitty tiny like for guys they they're still sorting out (is it platonic? romantic? they don't know) . they/them

ass: doesn't care. doesn't know. definitely not cis but a part of it is just not wanting to be like other girls. has a lot of self-doubt over their identity and actually tends to move through labels quite quickly, so they use they/them as a catch-all neutral

max: i had a hard time with this one in terms of good rep and stuff like that, but i think it's safe for me to say max is a pretty binary trans guy. more or less transhet but hes more flexible when it comes to michela's identity. he/him

scruffy: transmasc lesbian and that was always the intention tee bee ach ^_^ they/them but sometimes they/he if they feel like it

fren: gay and definitely not cis but he's very mysterious about it. he/him

bonnie: like courtney also tells binary people that they're non-binary out of convenience, but they definitely don't feel like the term really fits them. not fem not masc not androgynous but something new entirely (goth). on a more serious note i do think the gender fuckery in the goth subculture made them realize a lot of things about themself when they first got into it. also a frequent label-changer when it comes to sexuality. they/them

patrick: unironically too obsessed with himself to be into anyone else in a romantic way /j. hes bad aro representation. hed slay in a QPR tho. he/him

julia: lesbian but she hasnt come to terms with it yet lol. i agree w the headcanons that shes aspec in some regard but havent put much thought into it. she/her

kitty: pan but adverse to romantic relationships. some kind of gender. also a furry i dont think ive mentioned it yet but they have a fursona and made patrick make one too. therres a canon patrick fursona in my notes. no set pronouns, tells people to use whatever

peter: bi and trans guy. tends to prefer girls and feminine presenting people for the most part! he/him

I don't know what sha-mod and mclovin are but they're definitely something. same with caesar, idk what's going on there but he's definitely not cishet.

I definitely need to write albert, phillip, and noco more to get a good feel for them. and everyone else i dont have any strong feelings on

[ra-archives]

Which Link is Caesar to be stabbed (with fake knives)? Who’s the chain ganging up on (for fun) and why?

First, happy Ides of March to you too <3 Secondly, I feel Twilight or Wars are Caesar. Wild, Hyrule, Wind and Four are totally planning everything. They are not subtle, Time hears everything and doesn't raise a finger to stop them because he finds it amusing. Sky does nothing as well, partly because he doesn't want to suddenly be the one thats stabbed, also its nice to see everyone having fun. Legend is pulled in when the stabbing gets started, and has a surprising amount of fun when he does. Between Twi and Wars, who ever isn't the one being stabbed is in the same boat as Legend.

TBH I have very little reasoning for that^ other than vibes. Mostly just Wild, Wind, Hyrule and Four give me mischievous little critter vibes. They always scheming. Four should get to do more nonsense. Only reason Time isn't involved is because he has to uphold his serious old man reputation. (That reputation is non existent. Everyone knowns he's mischievous and silly like the rest of him, Time is keeping this up for no one. He desperately wants to join them. Let the old man have fun)

Legend doesn't give me scheming vibes, just a tad to serious for that, but won't stop anyone else. Man is down for a little bit of chaotic fun though, so he joins in after. Sky is too quiet and collected to join in, but he'll watch with an eyeroll, and a slightly concerned but kind of entertained smile. Twilight and Wars are serious but also dramatic, so obviously perfect targets. They are both so dramatic when attacked, and chaotic enough to join the murder group when not being targeted.

Thirdly, I like to imagine that outside the Ides of March, everyone gangs up on eachother at any opportune moment.

Like, if anyone says something silly or trips over their own feet, everyone immediately starts ripping on them. There are a couple of constants, Wild and Hyrule aren't allowed opinions on what tastes edible, the most common reply to anything Time says is 'Uh huh, whatever you say gramps', and Wind is dragged for pretty much anything he says because he's the youngest, etc. But that doesn't mean the others are safe. You can pretty much guaranty that if it isn't serious (about battles, past quests and trauma, genuine heart to hearts) someone is going to jab at whoever said it.

Its a lot like big friend groups or close teams. Constantly making fun of eachother, but in that way that good friends do where you know its all from a place of love. If you don't lovingly drag someone through the mud for every single thing they say, are you really besties?

TBH maybe I should write a sillier fic. Their light hearted dynamics seem so fun to explore but everyone's always dying in my stuff so there's never time :') Maybe I'll actually keep writing 'The Years Bring Change' and throw it in there.

Well, this is longer than I meant it to be and not well though out cause I'm tired, but oh well. Gotta love rambles, lists and extra context!

[iamumbra195]

This would actually be a really cool rewrite and a really cool way to fully flesh out the story while also giving it an interesting end. I like the change in Yhwach's motivation, the deal he made with Yamamoto. It makes it more compelling and also kinda makes Ichigo's powers less Gary Sue-esque, I guess. Him having a part of Hogyoku, a part of the Soul King within him, thus stabalizing his soul when he was a child because I'm pretty they said somewhere that he should've been torn in the womb for being a hybrid mess of Shinigami-Hollow-Quincy-Human. His powers kind of being sealed so he could a human was Kisuke's wish for Hogyoku so it did that but over time, Ichigo grew stronger and more aware of spirits.

Rukia and the Hogyoku Aizen planted inside her kickstarting his powers makes their whole friendship way more awesome as well because they're actually connected in a spiritual way. It makes Aizen and Ichigo's final fight more impactful-- the two halves of the Hogyoku fighting

Ichigo sealing his own powers away after Aizen is gones but slowly getting them back. Ginjo hearing about him and his powers and becoming interested. He wants to steal the Hogyoku in Ichigo but ends up only stealing a portion of it. Ichigo, believing that he had now lost his powers indirectly sealed them once more and Rukia comes back to kickstart it once more because even if the half of the hogyoku that had been in her is gone, some of it's reiatsu lingered and that came through in their connection along with all the other captains reiatsu

Ichigo gets his powers back and blah blah blah but rather than Ginjo training Ichigo and all that shit, it's more of Orihime and Chad's arc where he only joined because he was unwilling to leave them to this weird shady guy that wouldn't leave him the fuck alone

The whole thing about the zero squad and Yhwach using Ichigo to find where them and the Soul King were hidden is a really cool idea as well

Having the Soul King actually have a consciousness rather than being sealed away in an orb and a mutilated body kinda sounds like a cool idea too. Him making the conditions of the SS better (especially for RUKONGAI, yes I'm fucking bitter about that)

I'd be content with that sort of ending but if you wanna include the hell arc you can still do all the same shit as canon cause I'm pretty sure it was stated in one of the light novels that the Soul King didn't do anything to Hell beyond closing the gates

But in comes Kazui the even weirder hybrid. Who apparently sends innocent souls to hell behind his parents back??

But whatever. Yk those creepy hollows from hell that we saw in the No Breathes From Hell one shot? Yeah, I want Orihime's mom to have been attacked by one of those guys and that's how she became a fullbring. Yes, I'm doing that because my girl deserves actual screen time and some explaination on how exactly she became a fullbring just from proximity to Ichigo's reiatsu. If that was true, Tatsuki, Mizuiro, and Keigo should've gotten powers as well.

Anyways so some weird soul/genetic bullshit happened and Kazui, rather than having similar hollow powers to his dad, is a Shinigami-Hell Hollow-Quincy-Human (Fullbring I guess??) hybrid.

That's why he can open the gates of hell the way he did.

Also him taking a part of the Hogyoku from Ichigo in order for his soul to be stabalized

(Wow, the Kurosaki line is so fucked up when you think about it. If Kazui and Ichika are a thing like Kubo was hinting at, the soul situation of their offspring would be so fucking weird)

Anyways back to what I was saying, whoever the antogonist of the Hell arc is probably manipulating the kid and teaching him some fucked up shit and that's why his parents seem to have no clue

I'm pretty sure Hell is said to be an actual entity so maybe it's using Kazui in order to upset the balance because he's sending souls to hell right? Idk why it would do that but it'll be like an army and all the dead captains, arrancar and quincy.... yikes, they'll be facing the original gotei and all the other dead captains and Kenpachis

Since Yhwach is kinda gone in this rewrite you wouldn't have Kazui absorbing/destroying/what ever he did to Yhwach's soul wouldn't happen

That concludes my rant

[themarcspector-hasmoved]

Find The Word

Thanks to @elizaellwrites for the tag!

I’m tagging: @fayelistic @moonsaints @thelittlestspider @outfromthesea @theaisstillhere @blissfulalchemist @elysianfiields @saphoblin @wordsacrossemptypages @targentis @justnerdy15 and whoever wants to do this, if you want to. you don't have to <3

Your Words for you to find in your writing - in any writing - from myself are: Love, Confusion, Hurt, Temporary. 

My Words from eliza were: Thunder, Onset, Wrack, Observe, and Thud. Enjoy!

Note: these are all from either unfinished drafts of the wip stories themselves or drabbles. so if they don't make sense...i am a brunette who likes to write at 3am who rarely ever shares what they write at 3am. ♥️

Thunder —- WIP: Magically Inclined. 

Thunder shakes the entire room when Cassian appears with flair, causing Caesar to roll her eyes at the magic woman and let out an irritated groan. 

“Do you always have to do that? Can’t you — I don’t know — walk through the fucking front door like a normal person?” 

Onset —- The Palms (Bury Me Deep. I’m actually reworking this so this scene might get scrapped or rewritten oof or even used in a different bit. CLOUDY IS SUCH A BIG OLE UNREALIABLE NARRATOR. HOMIE THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENED) (trigger warning: death)

It’s not that Cloud’s devoid of feelings of guilt and empathy - she’s just not the type of person to show it when others are around, because she fears that showing weakness means people will take advantage of her. But the onset of guilt she feels whenever she sees her brother's ghost around is stronger than even the feelings of anger she gets a headache from when she thinks about the fact that someone took him from her so suddenly.

Wrack — Cannot find this word.

🤷🏽‍♀️💫

Observe & Thud — In the Dark (MARTA MY BB MY DAUGHTER MY ANGEL)

The thud of her own heart beating causes Marta’s dark brown eyes to widen as a lab worker in a long black lab coat pushes her out of the building and tells her to run as far as she can. Curly brown hair covers her face when she holds her hand against her chest and tilts her head forward.

Yet, when she regains focus and though Marta does not recall what the word ‘run’ even means, or even that she’s supposed to use her legs to ‘run’, the young woman repeats those words to herself before putting one bare foot in front of the other and running in the heat of the planet’s desert to wherever her body will take her. 

To many this would be more terrifying than the sound and feeling of their own heartbeat, but to Marta, even without much of her own memory to recall, she sees this as her only way out. She observes her feet as she moves, unable to hide since there’s nowhere to hide.

[mangora]

Oh also here’s my notes from reading TTI chapters prologue through four hehe I don’t remember what any of these mean:

Prologue:

•Oh the baby teeth detail I love that

•He would drink white chocolate mochas

•I genuinely like that the show isn’t scripted but is still treated like a show, like that’s a nice touch

•Peter! :)

•I feel you sha-mod

•They’re holding hands thats so wholesome

•McLovin and Micheal beef?

•QUIRKED UP WHITE BOY

•I already like Joner and Jules

•AUSTIN!!

•Courtney and Patrick narrative foils?

•Scary is so silly

•Frollo stepping away from the women is killing me

•Is Kitty okay. Girl are you okay get out of the water!!

•Mal and Courtney beef???

•Bonnie 👍

•Scruffy is just like me fr

•I like Ass but their name being Ass is giving me psychic damage

•Max is already going to be babygirl I can tell

•Alex jumpscare

•Trans Staci? Just spitballing here

•O and Kelly friends? Please?

•Austin got fucking blown away??

•Caesar has this fruity little swagger about him that I love

•McLovin’s all alone :(

•Peter my beloved

•Do possums lay eggs?

Overall: Really enjoyed this, I think it’s a really good introduction to the characters, I’m super excited to learn more about them and the writing is really good!!

Chapter 1:

•I do not trust Mal what is she doing

•Is McLovin okay

•Fren?? Buddy?? Are you good??

•Get his ass Patrick

•Austin don’t do that

•I love Joner so much dude

•Julia my beloved

•Bibble real??

•The Staci bit is genuinely so funny

•Max is so toxic this is great

•If anything bad happens between Michael and Joner I will lose it

•Thinking abt an Ass and Patrick alliance

•Courtney deserves better man

•Okay Max is actually kind of slaying rn

•Max and Julia are already giving me mlm and wlw hostility energy

•Did he just call him a Square

•Why wasn’t Patrick on the chopping block he’s such a bitch lol

•Nooo I liked Fren :(

Overall: Another great chapter, I think the dynamic developing between Courtney, Mal, and Ass is super interesting! I’m also excited to see where Max and Julia’s characters go

Chapter 2:

•Max is such a hater

•Mal and Ass moment

•Bonnie and Caesar solidarity

•The fucking high five that’s so good

•The red face on Sha-Mod’s cutout too god holy shit I love this

•I’m a Patrick lover first

•I want breadsticks too

•Never change Mal

•McLovin and Courtney talking is healing me

•Wait Austin and Kelly are kind of cute together

•Get his ass Joner

•Oh that’s so cute

•Them turning to Max 💀

•Patrick is a Madonna enjoyers holy shit

•I like this alliance. I really like this alliance dude /gen

•I’m punching the floor I love Joner so much

•Dude what the fuck happened between Mal and Courtney and should I be afraid

•NOT LEVITICUS 18:22

•How have they been up for 50 hours what the hell

•Nooo Joner

•HE JUST CALLED HIM GAY??

•This is so funny oh my god

•YO THATS FUCKING AWESOME

•I really like Caesar now dude thats a choice move

•He’s sleeping on Bonnie’s shoulder 🥺

•NO

•NO WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

•JONER?? OVER FROLLO????

•I’m going insane I’m gonna spit I’m gonna throw up I’m gonna cry

•JONER??????

Overall: The relationships and dialogue in this episode were super fun, I felt like we got to know a lot of the characters better. Joner leaving made me incredibly sad but I think that just reflects how well built-up and likable his character was in a short amount of time

Chapter 3:

•Caesar :)

•Patrick is so real

•Tfw your teammate gives you candy because you lost a lawsuit??

•Kitty is such a Cryptid I love them

•Whoever hit Frollo ily

•GET IT PATRICK

•Mal is so cool??

•How is Staci so good at this what the fuckkk

•Bonnie lore!

•Fujoshis are serving cunt in this challenge

•Peter’s autistic eyes

•Is Mal trying to sabotage them?

•”Prove my worth” Oh Peter :(

•KELLY YOU’RE GOING TO KILL THEM

•Is throwing from the ceiling legal

•YOOO SCARY IS SLAYING THATS SO NEAT

•Poor Peter :(

•Yo that is a big ass alliance also Kelly and Austin are so cute

•Staci and Scary friendship!

Overall: Another banger episode, Mal especially was super interesting, I have no idea what her intention was but regardless sabotage is always interesting. Also the Kelaustin(?) is fire and all the characters are just really cool and fun

Chapter 4:

•Scruffy is like Millie and I mean that in a very good way

•Don’t be a hater Court

•”Intelligence is always impressive” yea ok Max just kiss them already

•”Under 30 minutes” dude

•Patrick and Kitty is making my brain Work

•GET IT MCLOVIN

•GET IT SCRUFFY dude that’s insane

•Nooo Patrick!! I liked him :(

Overall: Dude I love this chapter so much, Courtney and McLovin’s friendship and the mounting issues with Mal are both so good. Also Scruffy’s spelling skills, mwah, god tier detail and win. I’m sad Patrick’s gone, he was my babygirl, but him finding Kitty of all people to be impressive and then losing because of it was like surprisingly cute and tragic? Autistic alpha male tsundere x full-on cryptid is a god tier dynamic that I’ve never considered before. I want good things for them

[lustastarte]

♤ drop that | caejose ♤

genre: fluff/angst (some sexual themes)

joseph meets his soulmate in the club, caesar believes he's just another friend with benefits

published: 2023

modern au

Blinding neon lights, incoherent chatter, deafeningly loud dance music, scent of sweat and sex, taste of alcohol in the air. Mindless bodies moving with and against each other, slurred 'I love you's and scattered kisses, liquor-stained breath meets lust-tainted flesh. The uncontrollable primal instinct to hold someone close and dance as one, separate and together at the same time. Joseph can no longer tell if he loves the club for these qualities or hates it. Yet, he finds himself there every single weekend, 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., getting drunk out of his mind and dancing with whoever will dance with him. He's not normally picky, but tonight wasn't normal. His eyes were trained on the man that had just walked in. Out of all the attractive people in the room, he was standing out to Joseph. He didn’t know if it were his voluminous blonde hair, his body-complimenting outfit, or the strange marks on his cheeks, but he had Joseph’s full attention from the moment he walked in.

"Do you know who that is?"

"Yeah, he's a regular," the bartender, Lisa, said.

"I mean, does he have a name? Do you know him?"

"Oh! His name is Caesar, and I think he's coming over to you right now," she finished, wiggling her eyebrows and walking off to make another patron’s drink with a simple, "Have fun, use a condom."

The other regular made his way to the bar, nodding at Joseph.

"I've seen you here a lot," Caesar yells over the music. "You dance well."

"Yeah, I'm here every weekend. Why don't you let me show you some moves?"

"Only if you'll buy drinks."

"Deal."

One drink became three. Three became five, and Caesar decided he was finally ready to dance. Joseph grabbed his hand and led him gently to the dance floor. The once reserved Italian was freed by the alcohol, allowing his lust for the British-American man to shine through. Their bodies moved to the beat, working together to attract one another. Soon, their lips moved in sync, crashing into one another in an attempt to gain dominance. Caesar grinded on Joseph, urging him to do the same. Joseph had had more than enough. Caesar was teasing him relentlessly, and now he wants to take him home. Who wouldn’t? It wasn’t like Joseph got a chance to be with someone this attractive often. So, like any normal person would do, he grabbed Caesar’s hand, led him out of the club as quickly as possible, and hailed a taxi.

The backseat of the cab was overflowing with sexual tension. And not long after the men stepped inside the front door, Caesar was pinned down on his bed, with Joseph preparing to make that night something neither of them could forget. He would be damned if this strange man ever forgot about him.

There was something comforting about Joseph. Caesar felt safe talking to him at the bar, dancing with him on the dance floor, and lying under him while being showered with wet kisses and pillow talk. He even felt safe enough after their rendezvous that he could fall asleep, which was uncommon for him. He actually slept. And if you asked him, he'd tell you it was the best goddamn night of sleep he's ever gotten.

Joseph squinted, groaning. The sun was shining directly into his eyes, and his head hurt like hell. He turned over, hoping to get a small nap in, feeling his phone buzz under him. Only when he opened his eyes did he realize he was not in his own bed, and there wasn’t just a couple of pillows next to him, but a half-naked, grown man beside him, sleeping peacefully. Last night was a blur for him. All he remembered was drinking and dancing. Nothing more. He did, however, faintly remember the man's name. Caesar. Though he didn’t agree to it, his job was calling him away from the bed. But, hoping to meet him again, he left Caesar a note.

Dear Caesar,Sorry I had to leave, I had to go to work. If you want to talk sometime, here's my number.xxx-xxx-xxxxThanks for last night :)Hopefully I'll see you soon,Joseph Joestar.

At work, he couldn't focus. He couldn't even get a simple black coffee with cream right. He forgot the fucking coffee. Joseph could only think of the beautiful man he woke up next to. He could only imagine the things that drunk him got to see and do, because god knows he can’t remember it. His mind wandered all day.

"I'll bet his lips taste like strawberries, and his skin tastes like cake. I wonder if his hips are wide enough to keep him balanced on my face. I'll bet my hand fits perfectly in the small of his back, and that one day, that gloriously large ass will be mine," Joseph would think from time to time, accidentally arousing himself with obscene thoughts and images running through his head.

He could just imagine Caesar sprawled out on the bed, begging to be touched. He could just imagine watching him unravel under him. He could just imagine him riding him into oblivion. He could just imagine the beautiful noises that he would make. He could just imagine him screaming his name as he drills into him relentlessly. He could just imagine teasing and playing with him, watching him whimper and shake. He could just imagine being his nightly routine. He could just imagine holding him in his arms. He could just imagine kissing him goodnight. He could just imagine his head buried in his chest. He could just imagine running his fingers through his hair and drawing on his back, lulling him to sleep. He could just imagine him lightly kissing him awake. He could just imagine being his daily routine. He could just imagine calling Caesar his.

Wait. What the hell is he talking about? It was just a one night stand. That's it. He probably won't ever see Caesar again. He should just forget it. Yeah. Just forget it.

Joseph’s entire work day went like this. Simple orders, even regulars he saw every single day were screwed up. He couldn't even write a name on a cup. Just forget it, Joseph. Pull yourself together. But he can't. You can do this, forget him. Joseph can't get him out of his head. Caesar who? You don’t know him. Doesn’t ring a bell.

Joseph just can't forget.

He sighed as he took off his apron and name tag. He really hated working at a coffee shop. The orders were outrageous, the people were rude, and worst of all, the lovers flocked to the building. They were all so sickeningly sweet to one another and it made him want to puke and cry at the same time. He waved to his coworkers and walked quickly out of the building, hurriedly driving home. After opening the door, his face lit up. Finally, he could check his phone! He whipped out the small device and grinned when he saw the notification he had waited for all day.

xxx-xxx-xxxx 1hr agohey joseph, it's caesar

xxx-xxx-xxxx 1hr agodo you wanna meet up sometime? maybe when we aren’t drunk?

xxx-xxx-xxxx 1hr agoi'd be more than happy to, just not today. i can't even walk :/ limping around my house as we speak

Joseph smiled. He didn't know whether it was because Caesar wanted to try to take it further, or because he couldn't walk and he knew it was his fault.

Joseph:

hey, i'm glad you texted i really want to be something more with you| i really want to be something more wi i really want to be someth| i really wan| i re| do you mean meeting up as a date?| do you mean meeting up| do you mean me| do you m| i really hope you mean more than friends| i really hope you mean mo| i really hope you| i rea| i think i like you| i think| i'd love to meet up :D i hope you feel better btw, i'm sorry if i was too rough with you

Caesar:

okay, how about this saturday at 7:30? we could do whatever you want to do also please don't apologize, it was amazing. in my book, it's only good sex if you can't walk afterward ;)

Joseph:

i'll make sure to remember that ;)) and saturday sounds great! you don't have to dress up, just be ready for me to come get you

Caesar:

sounds like a plan :) also i have a question is this a date date or just a friendly date?

Joseph:

whichever you want it to be

Caesar:

then it's a friendly date : ) 

Joseph:

oh, i was kinda hoping it'd be a date date| oh, i was kinda hoping it| oh, i was kin| oh okay

Caesar:

are you upset?

Joseph:

very| yes, i really like you| yes, i rea| yes,| i really fucking like you and you're friendzoning me yes i'm upset why the fuck wouldn't i be| i really fucking like you and you're  friendzoning me yes i'm upset| i really fucking like you and you're friendzoning| i really fucking like you| i really| nah, i'm good anyway, i'll see you saturday i gotta sleep, i have a really early shift tomorrow night caesar

Caesar:

oh okay good, i thought i had upset you goodnight joseph

Joseph put his phone on his nightstand and sat down on his bed, placing his head in his hands.

"Maybe it was just a one night stand. Maybe I'm in over my head. He doesn't like me," he thought, changing out of his clothes and into sweatpants. He fell onto his bed, frowning.

When he woke up, he shot him a quick text.

Joseph:be ready at 7:30

And then he began his dull, lifeless work routine.

Caesar was nervous. But why? It's just a friendly meet-up.

He was so nervous, in fact, that he had called his friends and fellow teachers, asking them to come over.

"I just don't know why I feel like this!"

"You might have a little crush," one of them suggested. "I felt like that when I first met up with my husband."

"How? You had only talked through instagram before you met."

"Yeah, but I fell for his personality, and I knew he was hot. But I mean, 7 years of keeping up a long distance relationship was worth it. Look at us no-!"

"We get it," another interjected. "You guys are now happily married and have two sons. Quit rubbing it in our faces."

"I'm not, I'm just-"

"Rubbing it in our faces," the third said with a blank face.

"But I-"

"It's like talking about having a great wife in a room full of newly divorced people."

The first friend sighed violently.

Caesar furrowed his brows, leaning forward. "But how is that supposed to help me? You and your husband were already dating when he got off the plane. Joseph and I aren't!"

"Well, sucks to be you, I guess?"

"Try staying casual with him. Don't try too hard," the second friend said quietly. "Be calm."

Caesar nodded, listening intently as the others gave their input. Not long after they had all left, the time was approaching 7:30, and the teacher was nervously sitting in his living room.

Honk! Honk!

The man jumped up as fast as possible, grabbing his phone and keys, and walked out the door. At the restaurant, the two talked about everything from jobs to friends, and Caesar’s fears slowly disintegrated. They had a real connection.

Joseph couldn't breathe. Caesar looked so damn beautiful in his outfit. He wasn't even wearing anything fancy, but he looked like a prince. The younger man could just feel himself falling in love. Every time Caesar smiled, his heart flipped. Every time Caesar laughed, he wanted to tell him every joke he's ever heard just to hear him laugh again. Every time he spoke, Joseph could only hear him. With every heartbeat, he fell harder and harder for Caesar.

Caesar was stunned. Joseph was cute when he smiled, funny when he didn't intend to be. Joseph was kind when he was not required to be, quiet when others were talking. He was a good guy when it was almost impossible to be. And Caesar? He was falling at the speed of light. But Joseph doesn't feel the same about him. He knows this, and sadly, has come to terms with the fact. Maybe if he stopped focusing on him altogether- Look at how he smiles when he takes a bite of his food... Stop it!

However, when Caesar was dropped off later at his place, the only thing running through his mind was him. Caesar just can't clear his head.

"Let me see you drop that like you did the night we met," Joseph whispered deeply, running his hand over Caesar’s ass.

"Only if you're willing to pull an all-nighter," the blonde said with a wink, suggestively trailing his fingers down Joseph’s chest.

"Deal."

The two men were spending tonight at the club. Joseph wanted to see if Caesar really liked him or not; Caesar wanted to have fun and get drunk.

The brunette felt the blood rush to his pelvis as Caesar danced. The way he moved should be illegal. The way he looked at Joseph drove the latter insane. The way he felt him up, innocently brushing his fingers over the younger's growing bulge 'by accident.' The way his lips moved perfectly against his should be impossible. Caesar made Joseph want to fuck him on the spot.

Caesar’s lips trailed down Joseph's neck, the latter groaning softly and tightening his grip on Caesar. Joseph's hands slid down Caesar's back, stopping at his ass. The blonde boy began sucking on his date’s neck, making sure he left a mark. Joseph brought one arm up to Caesar's hair, running his fingers through it before using it to pull his head up. The hand traced his jawline, tilting his head up so he and Joseph were eye to eye.

He froze as he saw the almost animalistic look in Joseph's eyes.

"We're going home. Now."

Caesar wasted no time hailing a cab for them and no time dragging Joseph into his room.

When Caesar opened his eyes, he heard his door open and close.

"Caesar?"

The older man pretended to sleep as Joseph walked into the room. "Caesar? Oh," the younger whispered. "He's still asleep."

Joseph walked over to Caesar, kissing him on the forehead. "God, you're so beautiful. I don't think there's a moment in each day that you aren't. You were exceptionally beautiful last night," the brunette said with a smirk. "I'll be back in a second."

And with another forehead kiss, he was gone.

"he only whispers i love you

as he slips his hands

down the waistband

of your pants

this is where you must

understand the difference

between want and need

you may want that boy

but you certainly

don't need him"

-rupi kaur, " milk and honey"

Caesar sat up, wiping his eyes.

"Am I just here for him to have sex with? He's taken me on one date, and it wasn't even a real date... Was that just to make me think he actually likes me? Just to make it seem like I'm not another one of his late-night booty calls? Maybe I am just that. A drunk, late-night booty call. He only does this when we're drunk. All I am to him is drunk sex. A friend with benefits," Caesar thought to himself, trying not to cry. He had started to fall for Joseph, but he didn't know if he could handle just being someone's sex ticket.

When Joseph opened the door, Caesar was sitting on the couch.

"Hey! You're awake," Joseph said, grinning. "I got breakfast."

The younger man went to kiss the older's forehead, but was pushed away softly.

"Caesar?"

"Joseph, I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Be just friends one day, and then fuck each other the next. You only want me when I'm drunk and horny."

"No, it's not like that," Joseph's eyes widened as he spoke. "I wasn't drunk last night, and I don’t just want you for sex."

"But I was. What if I wanted to get to know you better before we had sex again?"

"I- But you were the one grinding up on me!"

"I was drunk!"

"You're honest when you're drunk! You said so yourself!"

Caesar sighed, tears beginning to collect in his eyes. "Am I just sex to you? Is that all you want me for? Someone to fuck whenever you please?"

"Caesar, it's not like tha-!"

"I don't want to hear it. All you want me for is sex. You only text me when you want to go clubbing or something that always ends up with us fucking. I'm sick of it! I mean nothing to you, I'm just another sex toy," the older said in a croaky whimper before bursting into tears. "Please leave."

"Caesar, please let me explain," Joseph begged.

"I think you've done enough explaining. Please leave. Take your goddamn food with you."

Joseph grabbed the bag he had brought in, opening the door. Right before he stepped back, he whispered to the older man. "Caesar, please."

"Leave."

As Joseph closed the door, he broke down. He tried so hard to stay strong in there, but he couldn't keep holding it in. The boy he adores thinks he only wants him for his body. But he's wrong. Joseph loves Caesar's personality, his voice, his smile, his eyes, and everything in between. Joseph has fallen hard for Caesar, and to hear him say that Joseph doesn't want him for anything but sex drove him crazy. The brunette hailed a cab and hopped in the back, tears streaming down his face.

"Just t-take me wherever you want," Joseph said in between sobs.

"Rough day?"

"Y-Yeah..."

"You can talk to me if you want," the driver said softly, turning the radio down. "I'm here for you."

Joseph half-smiled. "Thank you. Where do you want me to start?"

"Wherever you feel comfortable starting."

"Okay... So I met this guy at a club last weekend, who I ended up having a one night stand with. The next morning, I had to go to work, so I left him my number and name. He texted me later that day and we agreed to meet up, but he wanted to meet up as friends, which kinda hurt me since I already had a little bit of a crush on him."

"Alright, what happened after the meet up?"

"We decided to go clubbing together, and he got drunk. He started dancing on me, and of course I got aroused. He kept teasing me, and then we went back to his house and did it again."

The driver nodded and hummed to let Joseph know he was still listening.

"And then I left to get food for us. When I came back, he was awake, and he started pelting me with questions. He thinks I only keep him around for sex and I don't," Joseph said, his eyes watering up again. "I- I've only known him for a week, but I think I need him in my life. I think he belongs with me. And when he told me to leave I-... I broke..."

"I'm so sorry... I know how you feel, my ex broke up with me because she thought I only wanted sex... I really miss her."

"Hey, I never caught your name," Joseph said quietly.

The taxi driver smiled. "I'm Suzi. You are?"

"Joseph. And I think you should try to talk to your ex. Explain it to her."

"Thanks, I think I will."

The cab went silent before Joseph spoke again. "Can I have your number? You seem nice and I want to be friends with you."

"Yeah! I was about to ask you the same question, I want to make sure you're doing okay every once in a while. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx."

"Thanks man," Joseph said, wiping the tears from his eyes and smiling.

"Now where to? I've been driving you around aimlessly for 30 minutes," Suzi said with a laugh.

"xxxx Magnolia St., XX xxxxx."

"Home, I'm guessing?"

"Yep. I don’t really have anywhere else to go…"

Soon, Suzi was dropping her new friend off, and telling him the expense of his ride.

"It's $xx.xx, but I'm not making you pay for the aimless part of the ride."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. You call me if you need me, and text me later, okay?"

Joseph nodded and Suzi grabbed his hand gently before getting back into the taxi.

“Be safe now, okay?”

“Yes ma’am, I will,” he assured.

Once inside, Joseph was left to think. He quickly lost any happiness gained from his friend, tears forming once more. His thumb hovered over Caesar's contact, but he never clicked it.

Joseph really likes Caesar, and he can't forget him. Suzi visited him often, as did his co-workers, but they couldn't fill the hole in his heart. Each time he thought of the blonde, it felt like some invisible force was sat on his stomach, ripping his chest open, and pouring concrete in to dry. The weight made him feel as though he were breathing in corn syrup. Why did it hurt him so much? He had only known the guy for a week, yet the misunderstanding hit Joseph like a hurricane. It flooded his heart and leveled his mental state. Nothing was left but a pile of everything that could have been between the two of them, now rotting and molded in the stagnant water.

Joseph was absolutely empty.

"Joseph, I think you should try to talk to Caesar," Suzi said while she attempted to shove food down the man's throat. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to eat for a few days.

"I'm not hungry right now, and I couldn’t if I wanted to anymore. He won't answer any of my calls or texts..."

"Then try a different way," she suggested, closing the plate of takeout. "He's a teacher, right?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Send him flowers. Tell him to meet you somewhere on the note."

"He won't if I put my name though."

"Then don’t put your name," Suzi concluded. "Just get flowers and have them sent to the school for Caesar. I could get one of the other teachers to ask what his favorite flower is, I drive a few of them to and from school."

"Please," Joseph sighed. “I don’t have any other ideas.”

Later that day, a couple hours after she had left, Suzi returned.

"Carnations. Light pink, to be exact."

"Thank you Suzi, you’re the best," Joseph said, smiling. "Will you stay here while I write the note?"

"Why are you writing it now?"

"I'm bringing it to the flower shop today, they said they could deliver the flowers tomorrow."

Suzi nodded. “Let me go switch my taxi out for my car, I’ll be back.”

Not long after that, she was honking her horn outside Joseph's house. Once inside the car, they made their way to the flower shop, placed the order, and prayed that it would work.

Caesar sighed as he walked into his classroom, flipping the lightswitch. He froze, however, upon seeing a vase on his desk. The large glass container was filled with several large, baby pink carnations, and in the very middle was a small, sealed blue envelope. Carefully, he opened the envelope and pulled out a small note.

Please meet me at the cafe next to the school at 4:00 p.m.-your secret admirer

4 o'clock had never come so fast.

Caesar rushed out of his classroom after finishing the stack of work on his desk. He drove the short distance to the cafe and walked in, his hands shaking.

Who could it possibly be?

The teacher looked around the room, trying to find the stranger.

"Are you looking for someone?"

"Yeah, they-"

"Over there, the booth in the corner."

"Thanks."

Caesar made his way over to the booth cautiously and sat down quickly. When the person sitting across from him moved the menu in front of his face, Caesar got up to leave.

"Wait!" Joseph cried, grabbing Caesar's wrist. The entire cafe was deafeningly silent, the customers watching the couple like hawks.

"What do you want?"

“I want to talk to you. Please…”

“No! What the fuck dude? I told you to fuck off and you stalked me instead? Do you know how fucked that is?!”

"You wouldn’t answer my texts or calls and I’m fucking desperate, okay? I wasn’t even sure if this would work, but I have to talk to you! I don’t even care if you believe me or not, I just need to know that I tried. Please, just stay for a second and let me explain," the younger begged. "Please..."

"You have one minute, and that's it," Caesar said coldly, arms crossed as he sat back down.

Joseph took a deep breath. "Listen. I know you think that I only want you around for fun and games, but what you don't know is that every night that we're apart, I dream of being yours. I wish on every shooting star I see that one day I'll be able to hold your hand in public and say, 'This is my boyfriend.' I pray to every deity I've ever heard of in an attempt to make you see that I'm not here for fun and games. I belong with you, Caesar. My soul is literally chained to yours. You’re meant to be with me. I don't care about having sex with you. I want to love you. I remember when I first met you, my heart quit beating. Time stopped, and all I could see was you. All I could hear was your voice. I want to love you with every inch of my being, and if that isn't enough to show you that I don't just want your body, then I'll leave you alone. I'll quit trying to win you over. I'll delete your number. I'll disappear so that you can forget."

The younger boy slammed a $20 bill on the table and continued, a steady stream flowing from his eyes. "Use that to pay for both of us. I feel like I'm making you uncomfortable, so I'm gonna leave... Sorry..."

Caesar couldn't move for a second, stuck in shock. Suddenly, he jumped up out of the chair and ran to the younger boy. He grabbed his shoulders tightly, spinning him around before grabbing his face and pressing their lips together. Every customer in the building looked on as the boys kissed. Caesar ran his thumbs over Joseph's cheeks, wiping away the tears as he pulled back from the kiss and connected their foreheads.

" I belong with you too, Joseph. "

Joseph laughed, kissing Caesar again. "Let me do this right. Caesar, will you be my boyfriend?"

Caesar could only nod frantically as he pulled Joseph in for a hug, holding him as if his life depended on it. Joseph's world was finally right again.

He has successfully taken Caesar on many dates over the two years they had been dating, but this one was special. Yes, they were only going to the park for a picnic and to watch the fireworks, but there was something special about it. After picking his boyfriend up and driving to the park, Joseph grabbed the blanket and basket from his trunk. Caesar helped him lay the blanket out and unpack the small basket. The two ate quickly, getting up to play tag together. Joseph disappeared from Caesar's sight at one point, but was found when he gave the older's ass a swift pop and yelled, "You're it!" before running away.

"Ah! Joseph, get back here!"

Within an hour, both men were back at their blanket, laying down and panting. The two sat there for hours, talking about everything you could imagine, when the park founder announced that the firework show would start in a few minutes.

The blonde took the time that he had left and grabbed Joseph's hand. "I'm sorry if I annoy you or make you want someone else sometimes..."

Joseph grabbed the older boy's other hand and smiled, looking him dead in the eyes.

"Caesar, you'll never annoy me. I'll want you every day, no matter what has happened between us. I want you even when you're mad at me. I want you even when I piss you off. I want you. I want your happy days and your 'I don't wanna be alive days.' I want you in the middle of the night and I want you in the morning. I want to kiss you and I want to be in your arms. I want to stay up all night talking and I want to hold you."

Joseph took a breath, tears threatening to fall from both his and Caesar's eyes.

"I want to be the reason you smile and the reason you're laughing every day. Even if you have a bad day, I want to be the one to make you happy, if only for a second. That's why I'm about to say this," the brunette said, fishing a little black box out of his pocket.

Caesar held his breath, not knowing what was happening. The park was completely silent, any background noise blocked from his ears. Joseph pulled Caesar up, holding his hand. Now that both of them were standing, Joseph dropped to one knee, still holding one of the teacher's hands.

"Marry me. We can spend our weeknights eating cereal on the floor, even though there's a table right behind us. We can go to the movies and sit in the back row, just to make out like kids falling in love for the first time. Marry me. We'll paint the rooms of our house, but end up with more paint on us than the walls. We can hold hands and go to parties we'll end up ditching to drink wine straight from the bottle in the bathtub together," Joseph spoke, both men in tears at this point.

"Marry me. Slow dance with me in our bedroom, candles lit on our nightstand and an unmade bed next to us. Let me love you forever. Marry me, Caesar."

There was now a crowd of nosy people around them, waiting with baited breath for the older man's response, mumbling and murmuring in suspense. No one in the small crowd cared about the firework show any longer, they wanted to see this. ‘Aww’s and gasps filled the air as he finished, the crowd’s hearts rejoicing at how Joseph looked at the man in front of him.

Caesar was crying. His throat had closed, preventing him from speech, so he began nodding. Just as Joseph had slipped the ring on his finger, the older man tackled the brunette, kissing him as if it was the last time they'd ever see one another. The crowd lost it, most of them cheering and congratulating the couple, and some videoing them.

Just as Caesar slammed his lips onto his fiancé's, the fireworks went off.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Caesar pulled back from the kiss, giddy from the fairytale proposal.

"Did you plan this?"

"Maybe," Joseph laughed before kissing the older again. "I love you so much."

"I love you more. Thank you for this," Caesar whispered, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Anything for you, beautiful."

Caesar laid his head on Joseph's chest as they watched the fireworks illuminate the sky. And even though the sight and sound of the fireworks were beautiful, Joseph's heartbeat was all Caesar cared to hear. Caesar was in love and Joseph didn't want to forget anymore.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

The first bell of the year rang as Caesar prepared for his new class. Last year, he was known as Mr. Zeppeli, and that's what the kids in his homeroom know him as. Once they had all sat down, the teacher cleared his throat.

"Good morning," Caesar began.

"Morning Mr. Zeppeli."

"Actually, I got married last month. I'm Mr. Joestar now," the man explained, writing his new surname on the whiteboard. "Keep in mind, it's Joe star, not Joe star ."

The mention of a wedding sparked the children's interest, so instead of teaching, Caesar answered their questions the entire class period. With each class, he had different questions thrown at him, but for the most part, there was one frequent question.

How do you decide which man will change his name?

"Well, we looked at who would sound better with the other's surname," Caesar would say with a laugh. "Joseph Zeppeli sounded weird, but Caesar Joestar was beautiful."

When Caesar got home, his husband pulled him in for a kiss. "How was work?"

"The kids wanted to know every detail of our marriage," Caesar giggled. "One of them even asked me if I was gonna get pregnant."

"Well, they're second-graders, they don't know any better. What did you tell them?"

"That I personally am not able to get pregnant, but some men can."

Joseph smiled, kissing Caesar again. "I got home about a minute before you did so I haven't cooked anything, sorry."

"Cereal it is, then."

So the two sat in their floor, wrapped tightly in a blanket, watching Aladdin , and eating cereal from one bowl. This was a normal occurrence for the men, and neither of them would want it any different. After the movie ended, the two washed up and climbed into bed. Joseph wrapped his arms around Caesar, peppering his face with kisses.

"Good night, beautiful. I love you."

"Good night, handsome. I love you too," Caesar said, kissing his husband's nose lightly.

[kipperlillycopperkettle]

hiiihiiii i feel like i know less than i want to about your spyreverse thg au but i'm fascinated (and so glad i've inspired you to ask for questions about it-- its been so fun to get q's in about np <3) but !!! what is the moment/pov/section/idea you are proudest of for your au !!!! either smth you've written or smth you're excited about !! also also im so interested in who all this fic is centric on? i know you've referred to it as the bad kids thg au before but your tag is spyreverse specific? are the Seven in this also (fingers crossed?) other npcs or characters from pirol ??? idk how povs are working in your au- whether it's multi pov or just one/two but either way: how did you choose how to write pov/s for this fic !! if just one, why did you pic the person you chose; if multiple, how do u choose how to write which pov/s when ??!! xoxoxoxxoox and congrats on fellow huge long involved au <3333

this* fic is bad kids centric BUT because i am a menace, i have slotted a LARGE majority of the characters from fantasy high/the seven/pirates of leviathan into this universe! i went back and forth for a while on whether or not to make the seven tributes (which i didn't like because i wanted kristen and antiope to both be from district two and etc) or to make them have won the year before (which i didn't like because then i didn't have enough npcs to fill out the whole hunger games bracket, and then what do i do with characters like penelope who thematically would be fun to play with in either games, etc) and so i ended up splitting the difference and making it a quarter quell where the twist is that it's double the tributes (like haymitch's games in canon); though the games in the FIC are 75. because i felt like it lol.

so yes! the seven are here! the seven are actually up against the bad kids in the arena (sam is one of fabian's district partners! antiope is one of kristen's!) and there are SOOOOO many npcs in this fic <3 (i had to start a google doc with a quick summary of who was doing what in this au to keep them all straight which i may release as an npc guide after the fic is published!) unless i have made the active decision to not have a character in the au (chungedown bim is not here. because i simply do not want him to be) they're probably in the au! including npcs no one else cares about like tulwar from pirates of leviathan (he's one of the d4 mentors and also his dynamic with cathilda is SO important to me in this fic) and also talcidimir tallbreeze from the seven is the caesar flickerman esque figure <3

the pov thing is fun, actually, because i wanted to do a hunger games au. but i couldn't decide who won so i was just like. i will write all of the bad kids winning in slightly diverging timelines and each of the sections where they win will be from their pov (and somehow i thought this fic would only end up about 60k lol). i am also trying to write a few scenes from different povs during each larger section for a look at what's happening outside of the arena. so like midway through the adaine section, aelwyn (who is her mentor in this au) gets a scene and then a little bit later on, arianwen gets a pov.

i don't really pick per se; basically each of the bad kids has a section, which, aside from those two little out of arena povs midway through, follows them from the first important event in canon (eg: for some of them, it's the reaping for the seventy-fifth games, for fig, it's her first reaping, etc etc) until their arc wraps up (some point AFTER they win the games). for the out of arena povs that's a BIT more complicated, but usually it's just whoever's pov i feel like will be most significant/add the most to the story — so adaine has aelwyn and arianwen, but fabian has cathilda and halliariel (cathilda being, in this au, not his mentor but bill seacaster's).

*i say this fic because i DO have two prior to canon spinoff fics rotating in the back of my mind and also hanging out in my google docs that are a few thousand words each for sandra lynn and cathilda. i don't think either of those will get finished before the main fic but! they're fun and i like writing them! i think sandra lynn's is largely going to be about her thing with the adventuring party (a capitolite and his gamemaker wife in this au) and also her early romance with gilear and also her dynamic with her mentor, who is a signifcant figure in fig's section as well. cathilda's is both about her relationship with tulwar and also about her losing all of her children to the games. both of those spinoffs kind of spawned after writing their povs in the main fic and going, oh i want to explore more of [x character] in this au, so that's how i chose the povs for those two!

i'm pretty sure i switched to calling it the spyreverse thg au after i started the sandra lynn spinoff fic! bc the MAIN fic is the bad kids thg fic but the au is more encompassing y'know?

for how i choose to write which pov when: i just write whoever i feel like when i have inspiration! i write out of order so if i have a good scene idea for adaine, i'll write that one day, and then i might write a fabian scene the next day, and a riz one after that, and so on and so forth.

there's a lot i'm really excited about in this au: one of my favorite things about this au is getting to write dynamics that don't exist at all in canon (fig and max durden, who is one of her district partners; antiope and kristen; corsica and kristen, tulwar and cathilda), i love the fact that i got to take all of the listed canon names for aguefort teachers and turn them into interesting characters with fun dynamics (ellen fleetfoot the survival teacher my best friend), i love getting to write victor dynamics and this fic provides ample oppurtunity to write differing victor dynamics, but if i had to pick ONE scene/moment i'm proudest of, there's a scene after adaine wins where it finally hits her why aelwyn is the way she is that i just think is really striking. it was also one of the first scenes i wrote so it's just very dear to me <3

send me an ask about the spyreverse thg au!

[cyborg-squid]

Okay first of all everyone I am extremely sorry for exposing you to shitty FGO reddit sprite comics, but I saw these two and it pissed me off so much that I had to rant about it, and how it ties into one of FGOs (and Extella some too) biggest flaws.

Not to sound like some fucking preacher yelling about monogamy or the uptight nerd yelling “She’s taken!” but like. Guda/the FGO protagonist. is not The Master (which in this context can also mean love interest) for Tamamo or Nero or Rin or Saber or Jeanne or most other characters I’ve sine this cringe Marvel move meme quote about, they already have their own Masters in Hakuno or Shirou or Sieg or whoever, in characters who they have a much stronger emotional bond with due to the fact that either A) their pairing is the one fleshed out over the course of a linear narrative or B) they have entire visual novel routes dedicated to them during which that bond is formed and explored. 

And while I do love Guda and their compatibility with all sorts of Servants, this kind of exposes the flaws in FGO’s visual novel nature, in it’s lack of ‘routes’ and true definition of Guda’s character prior to Arc 2. While there are many Servants whom you could say that Guda is The Master of (Mash, Musashi, Ereshkigal (not Rin), and Bedivere, for example) and whom they have a very strong and FGO-unique bond with, because of how large FGO is in terms of cast and limited it is in it’s VNness, many of these Servants connections and relations with Guda aren’t as fully explored as they ought to be. It lacks that intimate one-on-one connection that Masters such as Shirou, Hakuno, Sieg, Ayaka, Waver, etc... have with their Servants, due in large part to the fact that FGO really doesn’t give Guda an internal monologue, which leaves a lot of the relationship up to player interpretation and definition, but unlike the VNs which feature actual like. route definition and choices, these FGO choices are purely gameplay around who to summon, level, and bond with, etc... 

I’m competely fine with people shipping their Gudas/Mastersonas/themselves with whatever Servants they want, but it’s just fucking. something about shit like this, this... it just feels like entitlement to me, to these characters who have much stronger connections (romantic or platonic) with their Own Masters*, just because they’re in FGO, which has this unfortunate need to put pretty much everyone from previous games in it and accessible (via the summon pool) to the player.  *The married-in-life Servants are a different matter to me cause I can make this poly, I’ll fuck Yoshinaka/Caesar/Sigurd/Xiang Yu/whoever too.

What I feel like I’m trying to is. like. Guda will never be Nero or Tamamo’s Hakuno, they won’t be Karna’s Jinako, they wont be Saber or Rin or Sakura’s Shirou, they won’t be Jeanne or Astolfo’s Sieg, these connections between Guda and these Servants can and should be made but the love story? Has already been (or is being) told much better in other entries.

Or maybe the FGO reddit just fucking sucks and is filled with delusional weebs whose brains have already succumbed to Late Stage Waifuism and that’s all there is too it.

Or maybe it’s both. Probably both. 

[redleavesinthewind]

hii, thanks for the tag @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie <3

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

name: elliot

star sign: pisces

height: 165 cm

time: 11:30 am cet

birthday: 6th march

favourite bands/artists: ugh it changes all the time…. at the moment it’s fleetwood mac (though they’re kinda always up there), florence + the machine, the oh hellos, avatar, bear mccreary, barns courtney, john powell

last movie: i’m not a movie person, so i genuinely have no idea what the last thing is i watched. but i think it was ella enchanted

last show: i’m currently watching so many things at once it’s not even funny. rewatch of merlin (s1), black sails (s4), stranger things (s2) and i’ve started first kill

when did i create this blog: this one specifically? i genuinely don’t remember and i also don’t know how to check tbh

what i post: so much fandom stuff. sometimes i throw my writing in the mix. i also complain about uni a lot

last thing i googled: 33 degrees c to f because it’s fucking hot here and i got curious if this would get us into the 100s in fahrenheit (it doesn’t, it’s like 94)

other blogs: not really. i had a ted lasso sideblog but i barely use it, i prefer to stuff all my obsessions into one very chaotic and overfilled blog

do i get asks: sometimes! it’s mostly when i rb ask games, but sometimes i get some randomly. anyway, asks is one sure way of making me smile, my inbox is always open

following: 325. there was a time i tried to limit that number, but i’m in too many fandoms for that tbh

average hours of sleep: 7 or 8

instruments: learned to play the flute when i was a kid but hated it, so i switched over to piano. i haven’t actually played in a long time, but songs i was able to play include house of rising sun and nights in white satin

what i’m wearing: black joggers with my uni’s dance society’s logo on, a black stranger things shirt that my mom got me, my glasses (purple rims) and a purple bracelet/band that was a ticket to a party event a few days ago

dream job: i kinda just want to vibe and live in a house with my friends and write sometimes and raise a few children isn’t that enough?

dream trip: well it was the highlands, but i’ve been there, so now it’s norway

nationality: luxembourgish

favourite song: you want me to choose?? anyway, the chain by fleetwood mac, herzalarm by blümchen, the black sails theme, sinners by barns courtney, the only murders in the building intro, fast car by tracy chapman, talk by hozier, no light no light by florence + the machine, pompeii by bastille, caesar by the oh hellos, i could go on

last book i’ve read: solitaire by alice oseman

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: hmmm this is hard actually…. the pjo universe maybe. there are monsters but who doesn’t wanna be a demigod, really. also whatever the umbrella academy universe has going on (when the world is not ending of course). it’s just kinda weird on its own already, i’m intrigued

okayy, that’s it! no pressure to the people i’m tagging <3

@kafkaguy @oliverbanks @romasubrosa @cardsharps @scoobydoo-ghoulschool @emeraldcas @marlborocas @faithdeans and whoever else wants to (i know i should have tagged more people but i had barely any sleep and my mind is empty of people i know)

[hvbris]

𝐌𝐘𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐓 & 𝐂𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐀𝐑 . @governmentofficial​ from: i can tell you’re upset ,  what happened ?

Of course he could bloody well tell. Mycroft wasn't exactly making it difficult to tell how he felt, having allowed his typical mask of apathy drop the second he returned home. There were days where his preference was to continue acting, unwilling to allow himself to be dragged into a conversation about feelings and other such tedious topics. Today, though? Today was a day for simmering rage.

After depositing his coat and umbrella by the door, Mycroft had stalked straight over to the nearest decanter. He needed a stiff drink. He deserved one, especially because he could already predict the conversation that was about to happen.

"I'm not upset." An obvious lie, but it was a habit now for him to always make the claim no matter what. Actually admitting to feeling upset was an absolutely ridiculous concept in Mycroft's mind.

Luckily, the mood that he was in was one that also meant that he wanted to grumble. Unlike when he favoured silence and secrecy, everything was all out in the open. So, after rapidly downing almost half his glass, Mycroft didn't hesitate in starting to complain:

"I am fed up of people assuming that I want to become involved in their plays for power. I don't. I want to do my damn job, not involve myself with a foolhardy attempt to seize any kind of control. People just assume, though, so now I have to make a show of not being involved. Do you realise how hard that is? You can't prove a negative!"

He quickly finished off the glass. "Oh, and Volucris is refusing to eat. I thought it may be calming to visit her, but apparently not. Bloody bird didn't even want a mouse."

Caesar knew his husband well enough to tell when he was upset. Tonight, however, Mycroft wasn’t even trying to hide it. Everything, from the way he walked to the way he poured himself a glass, showed that he was more than annoyed. Now, usually, when his husband was in such a mood, it could go one of two ways. He either refused to talk about it altogether (and Caesar had learned long ago that it was best to let it go and wait for a better timing) or he wanted to complain in great lengths. He was pleased to see that tonight, the latter was true. Indeed, Caesar was good as a talking as he was good at listening. 

So, sitting down on a large chair while Mycroft drunk half his glass in record time, he listened. 

Caesar was, just like his partner, an important man. Powerful. And being powerful in the Capitol was more tricky than it was pleasant. However, unlike his partner, Caesar’s power was veiled and hidden behind a cheerful persona, sparkling suits and white-teethed smiles. In short, Mycroft had to swim shark infested waters quite more often than him. 

He nodded with a contrite frown. “Whose foolhardy attempt was it today, dear?” he asked when Mycroft had finished his retelling of the day. Who knew? He could, perhaps, with a simple little gossip at the evening news, make sure that whoever was bothering his husband could not bother anyone ever again. 

“As for Volucris, we can take her to the lab if she doesn’t improve by tomorrow,” he offered, happy that this was a problem more easily dealt with, “I’m sure they would quickly find out if there’s reasons to worry.”

[shcherbatskya]

Who would you invite to a dinner party, living or dead? (I'm genuinely curious now after seeing your post lmao)

OMG HI HI HI <3 so im laying out ground rules first to establish a control system to get that out of the way. there’s gotta be a universal translator. i have a very limited knowledge of latin and that’s kind of a bridge language but only for a certain period of history. so i want to be able to understand everyone. no one can kill each other (or me!) this is very important. keeping all debates verbal. this is also a casual dinner party like we are friends, not a formal ordeal, or a glorified socratic seminar.

rules out of the way i can get into it. i’ll try and go chronologically (newest to oldest), but i don’t know dates sooo well so i might fudge it a little bit. okay. mike duncan, my history teacher from last year, and steven saylor are my mediators pretty much, i wouldn’t want this to get out of hand. i don’t really have a theme for this one (i could go insane thinking of themed dinner party guests if you want to keep me occupied for a few hours.) so im just going with whoever. oh also tom stoppard. okay i don’t even really care about modern people other than those four listed, so im already moving back. jean paul sartre, simone de beauvoir, and albert camus (the existential polycule.) are all my modern philosophers. to add some intellectual conversation and also relationship drama. back again! i know nothing of people here in this era (ww1/ww2) thar i would want to invite to my party so. going back further. billy the kid (no killing people rule important here!) for my american west moment, further back i invite Robespierre and lafayette. I FORGOT ABOUT RASPUTIN HES HERE TOO.

even further back from there; (we’re in like renaissance-ey times now.) this is where i start to go crazy. my dear dear friends the philosophers/writers; shakespeare, dante, da vinci, petrarch, and descartes (so i can debate him and win.) the rulers: mary queen of scots, catherine howard, and lady jane gray. and joan of arc just because i think she’s sooo cool. also Benedetta Carlini thee lesbian nun. now it’s medieval times. umm. Peter Abelard and Héloïse d'Argenteuil, empress theodora, and Geoffrey Chaucer.

NOW ITS ANCIENT TIMES AND IM GOING FULLY INSANE. elagabalus, augustus, and agrippa, for leaders from the roman empire. and oh no it’s the republic… cicero because i think he would hate me and it would be funny, clodia because she’s my bestie beloved, mark antony because he’s LITERALLY fun at parties, cleopatra, mark antony’s boy bestie curio, yk what just for giggles julius caesar can come too also for giggles sulla can also be there. those are all my political figures now im getting into the arts. (read: poets.) ovid, he’s my dear friend, vergil, catullus, tibullus, sulpicia (BOTH of them.), and lucan.

further back than that! sappho of course can also come, homer can come too but only if he tells me the truth that he actually was in prison and he told the story of the iliad to the prisoners in prison. the guy who wrote the epic of gilgamesh, and ea nasir are also there.

that concludes who i would invite!!! you can ask me what happens while they’re all there and slash or how im setting up dinner tables because i will elaborate if prompted, but i hope you enjoyed my list <3

[blookmallow]

alright lets finish this

----

so. things came to a head and i finally hit a point where i had to commit to one side even though ive been kind of just playing by my own rules and helping whoever i felt like rather than taking any Side particularly

what i wanted the most was to take down the legion so ive been working mostly with the NCR. but i hit a dead end in both the ncr line and the house line (i dont trust him but i felt like being in mr. house's good graces was a wise move lmao) where everyone wanted me to destroy the brotherhood of steel. and i dont... really Trust them, and i understand they're potentially a formidable threat, but i didn't want to make enemies with them for that reason, and just, like, i don't know, i really don't see why murdering everyone in there unprovoked is a good decision. i couldn't justify that. the only thing they've ever done to me is threaten me and briefly bomb collar me into doing them a favor which, while admittedly fucking rude, who HASN'T tried to kill me for one reason or another around here, y'know,

so i decided in the end if i absolutely must decide between murdering a ton of people for no clear reason either because a rich capitalist dictator told me to or because an army known for not really being there for people when they're needed and kinda serving their own needs told me to. or, y'know, not doing that. i figured. we're not doing that

so i killed mr. house. which i don't feel great about. i don't really feel like i needed to do that either. i could've left him powerless but technically still alive but he said he didn't want that, so i guess i made the best choice i could given the options but it still kinda feels like murder with an unclear motive or purpose. don't love that for me

i don't understand why the securitrons didn't immediately turn on me this feels very passive aggressively threatening. i feel unsafe

OH NO VICTOR.... what did i do. did i do this? could i have prevented this? i don't know. i feel like this is my fault. im sorry victor

i feel like putting the ai specifically designed to say yes to everything/give unrestricted access to just whatever you ask him for in this kind of position is extremely reckless at best but what do i know. i guess we're doing this now

OH boy here we go

i didn't really want to go against the NCR directly. i was hoping to be able to do this to take out the legion myself, i know i have all those fucking robots right under caesar's camp, i saw them, i do not fucking understand why i didn't get to just unleash chaos and burn them all to the ground. i killed that one really dramatic officer but it didn't feel like enough

i guess in the end independence probably is the best for everyone. maybe my courier was able to make a difference. i had hoped to negotiate and work with the NCR but i guess this is where we ended up

also turns out new vegas has my video game ending pet peeve of when you finish the game you just go back to immediately before you did the Final Quest and none of that actually happened. if you want to keep playing you just get to be stuck in "technically i resolved all this already but since that's The End it hasn't happened yet" limbo forever. i fucking hate that lmfao

ANYWay. that's that. i also played dead money but i really really want to get going on my fallout 4 liveblogs so im probably going to focus on sorting through all that next

[marlowe1-blog]

The Book of Job Chapter 10

You made me to break me

Now, I don't want to be too self-referential in these posts. This is the Book of Job after all and it is one of the most misunderstood books in the world literature canon, so adding my own personal anecdotes makes things feel amateurish. The college professor who always marked me down for my papers on Horace's Odes because I always included personal stuff haunts me to this day. Especially when I agree with him to a certain extent. Or more accurately I agreed with him wholeheartedly when I tried to listen to a Sarah Vowell book about the pilgrims and learned absolutely nothing about the pilgrims but learned a great deal about Sarah Vowell, way more than i ever wanted to know about Sarah Vowell.

But the line from this second part of Job's response to his friend that is now a response to G-d that goes "Does it benefit you to defraud , to despise the toil of your hands, while smiling on the counsel of the wicked?" (verse 3) that gets to me this week because I was again in the crosshairs of the Facebook AI. Apparently Facebook has fired most of its standards people (including the one friend that I had who worked at Facebook) so my week long ban stuck.

And the weeklong ban was for a meme that gets shared all over Facebook, especially on the Ides of March - the one that goes "Whoever made September, October and November the 9th, 10th and 11th month should be stabbed." Because it promotes violence. Against Julius Fucking Caesar. And again, I'd be ok with that if this was a fucking sensible rule but it's not. How do I know it's not? Because I repeatedly make complaints against Nazis, conspiracy theorists, racists and transphobes on Facebook and then get the gaslighting "this isn't against Facebook standards"

Yes, G-d is arbitrary and shitty and lets the wicked prosper and the virtuous suffer. I expect better from Facebook standards. If other media companies can cancel Andrew Taint while G-d takes his only sweet time with that tumor, you'd think that Facebook would deal with the shitbags. But yeah, Facebook was complicit in the Myanmar genocide.

So what's the rest of this chapter. It's still pretty dark but it's also one of the ultimate "fuck you G-d" chapters where Job talks about being created and risen up just so he can get smashed. And he's actually asking why G-d would make this a thing. Job knows that he's innocent (and as a reader, we know that Job is innocent. Thank you, Satan). Yet, does Job's innocence help him? No.

And then we end with another "if only I was never born" verse. I just wonder if we would hear this verse a lot more if the anti-forced birth movement was full of religious fanatics and the forced birth assholes did not selectively quote the Bible.