#this is an au in which Dazai takes Atsushi as a subordinate instead of Akutagawa

[they-sleep-in-a-pile]

A fanart for another amazing fic that lives rent-free in my head <3 Out of one prison and into another by @just-a-winterguardian

Atsushi didn't know what he was. He didn't know why he woke up alone in a darkened jail cell. He has no idea what he did wrong, until a man appears, and offers him a deal that he is powerless to refuse.

[along-came-atsushi]

Hello, anon! :D And thank you for your trust in my opinions!

[The following quotes from Beast!AU are from @looking-for-stray-dogs.

A complete translation of the novel was made by @yanase-gr.]

~ ~ ~

Dazai’s and Atsushi’s relationship in Beast is very complicated to begin with.

During their scenes Dazai is switching between being respectful towards Atsushi and then being pretty cold to him in the next moment.

Apparently Atsushi is allowed to do things other subordinates are not allowed to do. He actually calls Dazai “Dazai-san”, and not “boss”. Although, the hesitant way of him saying his name implies that he’s uncomfortable to do so:

“Thank you……very much, Dazai-san.”

Head still bowed, Atsushi said so in a nervous voice.

Immediately, Chuuya’s low voice interrupted. “Haah? Call him ‘Boss’, brat. You wanna be killed?”

Dazai must have either offered or ordered Atsushi to address him that way for whatever reasons. I doubt that Atsushi was the first to call him “Dazai-san” without being giving permission, since he has an awed and dependent perception of Dazai in Beast.

We know that Beast!Dazai has the knowledge of other realities/worlds, so he may want that subconsciously (being called “Dazai-san” by Atsushi), because he knows that in other realities/worlds he has a good relationship with him. Which is kind of a parallel when he sits with Beast!Odasaku in the bar and actually calls him “Odasaku” (much to Odasaku’s irritation), because he knows in another reality/world they were friends.

.

Another thing Atsushi is allowed to do is being alone with Dazai. Chuuya as his bodyguard opposes to both these exceptions, calling Atsushi out to be more respectful towards Dazai and not allowing anyone to be alone with him, since that person could be trying to kill Dazai:

“Now now, Chuuya, it’s fine,” Dazai said while crossing his legs. “More importantly, I want to speak to him alone. Chuuya, leave us for a while.” [...]

“What’re you talking about. A mere member not even an executive member or your secretary seeing you directly, that’s already the exception of exceptions.”

“Why? Atsushi-kun’s a trusted subordinate.”

“It’s not about trust. What’re you gonna do if he’s controlled by an Ability, or a bomb was planted on him without his knowledge? There were precedents. Impossible that I’d give you permission for you two to be alone.”

.

[...] Dazai made a wry smile, and he turned to face Atsushi. “Be at ease, Atsushi-kun.”

.

From what I understand from the fan translation is that in Beast Dazai also trained Atsushi. Of course, these sessions must have involved physical force, too. There is also the fact that in Beast Atsushi has to wear a spikey collar in order to suppress/control his tiger powers. Since he isn’t an ADA member there, and Fukuzawa with his ability cannot make him control the tiger, it’s the only way for him to do so. Otherwise he would be blindly going on rampages (which apparently did already happen in Beast), or he would be waiting inside a cage.

But I still doubt the training was as violent as between Canon!Dazai and Canon!Akutagawa. Because:

1.) Canon!Akutagawa disobeys Canon!Dazai’s orders (killing people he should not kill), for which he gets punished. This is something Beast!Atsushi does not do, he strictly follows Beast!Dazai’s orders. But more on that later.

2.) Beast!Odasaku says about Akutagawa‘s ability something like: “Your ability is strong, but you’re physically weak.” Something that’s also not the case with Atsushi, since he has the tiger’s regenerative powers and so on. So training him that violently may not be necessary for Beast!Dazai.

3.) Beast!Dazai planned from the very beginning to not let Beast!Atsushi stay forever in the PM:

There is the sound of clapping, and Dazai congratulates them.

“Atsushi-kun. You’re fired.”

Atsushi’s eyes widened for a moment from surprise, then he closed them immediately.

“……understood.”

“In exchange, go live in the outside world. I’ve made arrangements for somebody to take care of you. Go into the world of light, together with Kyouka-chan.”

.

“Dazai-kun must have, in his own way, been worried for you for after he’s gone.” − Beast!Mori to Beast!Atsushi

He made arrangements that he would live a better life, after the incidents of Beast. Contrary to the canon storyline, where Dazai did not have any plans to bring Akutagawa out of PM. Also because at that time, he himself thought that he would stay there forever. Leaving PM was an impulsively made decision due to Odasaku’s death and last wish, and he didn’t bring Akutagawa with him. All these circumstances do not happen in Beast, and Beast!Dazai’s plans differ greatly from his canon self.

So from Canon!Dazai’s mindset it was important to teach Akutagawa how things work in the Mafia, and that he won’t survive there, if he ever shows weakness. Which isn’t the case with Beast!Atsushi.

.

Even when Atsushi disobeyed Dazai one time (He went back to the orphanage and killed the headmaster, something which Dazai advised him against), Dazai seemingly didn’t punish Atsushi in any way. Because Atsushi was already punished in dealing with his trauma and guilt for killing the headmaster.

[Sidenote: Yes, even in Beast we have that stupid “AKSHUALLY the headmaster was a gOoD gUY uwu” narrative. Thanks, I hate it.]

It’s not mentioned anywhere that Atsushi was once punished by Dazai for anything or that he’s afraid of him in (physically) hurting him. Instead Atsushi begs Dazai for orders and states several times that he saved him:

“Please, order me, Dazai-san.” Somehow, Atsushi squeezed his voice out from behind trembling teeth. “Immediately. I will never again, go against your orders. Never, never, never.”

“I’ll believe that,” Dazai said while coolly looking down at Atsushi.

.

“That person [Dazai] saved me. He saved me from hell, and invited me to this organization. I will never betray that person’s orders.” [...] “He told me to join. Said that I’ll be granted what I wanted.”

Of course, their relationship in Beast is far from healthy and good. And it’s very shocking to read for the first time. But it’s also not as terrible and cruel as it was between Dazai and Akutagawa in the canon story. That of course, doesn’t make Atsushi’s mental state in Beast any better, and it doesn’t excuse Dazai’s treatment of Akutagawa in the canon story.

.

In addition to this, I think that Beast!Atsushi and Beast!Dazai truly care for each other. Atsushi is visibly devastated when Dazai is about to commit suicide. And Dazai, as mentioned above, made preparations to have Atsushi live a better life. It’s just that they have complicated circumstances. Beast!Dazai’s main goal is to keep Odasaku alive, because Beast is the only reality/world where this is possible (which kind of gives Odasaku the role of a martyr in other realities/worlds). But to achieve this, he has to make everybody else suffer and keep a cold facade:

“Yes, this is a natural phenomenon.” Dazai’s voice carried the accompaniment of fatigue that had been thinly extended. “Nobody can stop it, nobody can fight against it. Even I cannot— if there’s one thing we can do, it is to love it. The truth that this world is one huge lie.”

.

“It was dreadful,” the young man muttered. “It was really dreadful. To fight against Mimic without you, to have to succeed Mori-san, to make enemies of everyone and expand the organisation. It was all for this world’s—”

− Beast!Dazai to Beast!Odasaku

There is a sad parallel where Dazai says the following to Odasaku:

“A life with someone to say goodbye to, it’s a good life. If there’s someone who would feel pain from the goodbye, I’d wish for nothing more. Am I wrong?”

And the only person who actually feels sadness for Dazai’s death is Atsushi:

It was true that, after Dazai’s death, Atsushi hadn’t known what to do and had left Yokohama, refusing food, wandering in remote places. Even he hadn’t known why. But—he couldn’t help but do so.

.

“You didn’t want to die, you just didn’t want to live. They are two completely different things.” − Beast!Elise to Beast!Atsushi

[drangues]

Yeah, that’s kinda what I was thinking!!! He’s very very good at empathizing and it comes in very handy when it comes to managing organized crime, haha. Also, Mori is basically stuck knowing that Atsushi theoretically has more power than him due to being so well-liked? But he can’t dispose of him because everyone could gut him- It'd go about as well as Whitestorm’s death in Warrior Cats. Which. Is actually a good AU idea...? No, staying focused, NOT going on a tangent. (Nyanon, 1/6)

Anyways, yeah, Atsushi would have quite the following, and in this route’s Bad End, it doesn’t end well for Mori or Akutagawa because of it. As for the Raised Together AU- Maybe they could both mentor him? And it’s like some weird ass older sibling/parent dynamic or something? Like, Dazai is a bit stricter, but not to the canon extent, both because it’d make Atsushi sad and also he didn’t exactly have a fun time in the orphanage, himself. (Nyanon, 2/6)

Meanwhile, Atsushi is like, the very anxious one who can and will turn into a tiger and scruff Akutagawa if he doesn’t tAKE HIS DAMN MEDS ONE MORE TIME- But! Overall it’d be a trickle down sort of effect- They treated him nicely, so instead of using canon Dazai’s methods on Kyouka, he’s... Nicer? Kyouka would still leave, eventually- Assuming Atsushi didn’t take her with him in the first place- But there isn’t any animosity between them, either. (Nyanon, 3/6)

But, back to the other AU- Dazai’s crush on Atsushi gets even better because A) he doesn’t realize he has one??? He just thinks he likes Atsushi More Than Most People and B) it starts when Akutagawa is still around and Atsushi came across them training while delivering a message from Mori. Dazai found the idea of someone being so nice in the mafia Interesting, as stated, and his stepping up to tell Akutagawa to calm down with his training methods didn’t hurt, either. (Nyanon, 4/6)

Sure, he’s used to a rough life, but having someone defend him is a good feeling, especially when he doesn’t remember it happening before. Anyways, I actually have more for this AU! But I don’t wanna babble, so if you’re interested in more, I have some thoughts on Atsushi’s past in this universe, on his relationship with Akutagawa, and who his sort of “inner circle” in the mafia would be- Pick your poison! Now officially moving on to other things... (Nyanon, 5/6)

I, too, love our local badass doctor lady, she’s the best. And poor Dazai tries to establish Loving Eye Contact, and Atsushi just thinks he’s telling him to fuck off. Anyways, onto the latest Nyatsushi Concept: Our local toe bean boy likes to watch birds and squirrels, in real-time and in videos! He’s almost hilariously intent when he does it, and there’s a fifty percent chance that his ears and tail will show up when he’s watching. (Nyanon, 6/6)

hmm i feel like in the au where akutagawa instead has his obsession with dazai as a student, akutagawa would hate atsushi still?? like, because atsushi “stole” his subordinate (dazai leaving the PM after atsushi does-)

and in the “they were raised together” au i definitely agree that it would be some weird ass parent-child or sibling dynamic that dazatsu and akutagawa would have, (mori would easily let them go when they escape the PM because finally the well liked atsushi is gone and he can have full control)

AAAA ATSUSHI OBSERVING BIRDS AND SQUIRRELS I LOVEEEEE 

[leonawriter]

Time Hauls A Silver Tide

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, others.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Notes: Pseudo-soulmates AU. Coloursverse. Previous fic in the series is “A Faint Pale Rainbow”, which is Dazai’s side of the same story, but you don’t need to have read that first.

Summary: Chuuya can't see as many colours as most. He doubts he ever will, so most of the time it doesn't bother him so much. The ones he needs are right there, after all.

Until suddenly, they aren't, because he looks at Dazai and he's covered in grey.

...

Chuuya had only ever seen in black and white from the moment he was born. Which, for him, was far more recent than most. He had crawled out of a crater in a seven year old body, and known nothing about the world other than the fact that, suddenly, he existed.

Chuuya, he had said when a kid older than his supposed age had found him, asked what his name was, some weeks later. Nakahara Chuuya. 

Was it really his name? Did even really belong to him?

It had been what had automatically come out of his mouth, though, so he hadn't questioned it. He had needed to be and to belong more than he had needed truth, and the need for some sort of truth would come later. Could come later, once he was prepared to face it.

They held a piece of paper up to him, and he scowled with all the power of a seven year old god when asked what colours he could see.

Some of us can see different colours, they said. Not just back and grey and white.

He'd just stared at them, and they'd almost ignored him, passing him off as useless until one of them shoved at him more than he liked, and he sent them flying without even thinking about it.

It turned out that colour didn't matter when you could fight instead.

...

At first he's something of a lucky charm, and then later on as he grows older and learns how to fight, he becomes the strength and might of the Sheep.

He looks after them, defends them, tells them off when they get rash and stupid and go into the wrong areas of town. Teaches the younger ones some of the things he's learned over the years, and gets into arguments with the older kids.

He watches as one by one, each of the younger kids they've picked up over the years grow up, and each of them gain their first colours, as they make friends and fall in love and have stupid crushes on other Sheep - or drag their supposed true love into the fold.

A cute little kid asks him, when he's fourteen and he's pointing out some of the ways you can tell colours apart just by shade and placement and what colours usually go where, because it's useful to know this shit, you don't wanna suddenly tell someone the sky's red when it isn't, or that the grass is a beautiful shade of blue-

"But - what if I never get colours and none of this is ever going to mean anything because I never meet anyone who's that important to me?"

Chuuya's mouth goes dry.

He belatedly realises that he's still holding a crayon - maybe red? - in midair.

"I... I guess it isn't normal, but it's not like it's unheard of. That's why they label stuff, see?" Her face drops. He isn't helping. "Besides, you're a cute kid. Can't imagine a cute kid like you going around colourless all your life."

She seems better, after that.

He wishes he could take his own advice, and not worry about it so much.

Instead, he's reminded of how many people he's met and known, and how he just seems to never mean quite enough.

The more he thinks about it, the more he wonders if maybe colour is far too human a thing for him to have aimed at attaining, when his main memory of what he's more than just started to realise is the same as what everyone calls Arahabaki, is just a being of pure destruction with no need for colour, or connection.

...

He first begins to see the blues of the sky in Mori's office, arguing with the suicidal brat, and at first he doesn't even notice.

Eight years of nothing other than black-grey-white, and he hadn't known what to expect, because he'd all but given up on the idea by this point, and now this. 

He's able to keep ahold of himself at least - holds back the worst of the staring, keeps himself from going wide-eyed at everything like some damn tourist who's never been to Japan before, let alone Yokohama, which would've been annoying, given this was where he was from, and in many ways, it was where he'd been born, the only place he'd ever known, and yet-

It felt like seeing everything brand new. Through new eyes. And this was just one colour.

It's new enough and novel and wondrous enough that he's relieved when he can barely see the sky or the sea during their fight with Randou, and that none of the combatants were wearing blue.

(Dazai's ability activating didn't normally glow that brightly, but then, usually it didn't cancel out an ability that big, that powerful, with that much range. He finds himself staring a little too long and a little too awe-struck at Dazai's face, then. Knowing damn well who was to blame for the extra colour in his world, and for just a moment, unable to hate him for it. Hate the fact that it's Dazai, rather.)

It's easy to forget who Dazai is.

And then he's gone, vanishing off back to the mafia, leaving Chuuya to pick up the pieces with the blue sky and the blue sea and the first time he looks in a mirror since mouthing off back in the mafia's headquarter's, he sees his eyes - blue, bright blue.

He curls up around himself that night, leg still hurting, and he blames the tears on the pain and the shock of realising how close he'd come to dying, only to lose the first person who'd known exactly what he was and told him that being Chuuya was enough.

He's left feeling like he's lost something without it having even had a chance to start, the idea that if he'd known Rimbaud longer, maybe... maybe, he would have had a second colour.

Apparently, though, kicking a scrawny brat into a wall and then arguing was enough for one, but a few conversations and two life-changing events just aren't enough for the other-

Most of all, though, the heaving sobs that come for him and steal his breath are for the fact that he can see colour at all, and that this means that either it doesn't matter what he was, or - or maybe, he's human enough as he is.

...

The first hints of red flow into his world like sunset as Mori explains what being a leader means, and he realises at long last what it was that he'd been missing for so long.

It seeps into the chair the Boss is sitting in, the Boss' scarf, the carpet, even the rim of the hat he's now holding.

He'd sworn to destroy every last one of the Port Mafia, but here he is, and he feels more alive than ever in spite of the still throbbing knife wound in his side.

(Red also becomes the colour of blood, which makes him pause before applying just a bit more gravity on the unlucky bastard, because knowing and seeing were two different things.

It made sense, in a way, that the same colour he'd been given by the Boss was the colour of the blood that he had to spill to keep Yokohama's nightlife in check, and remind them who was in charge.)

When he looks in the mirror now, he sees red hair, a little too grey to be truly the shade of scarlet that Mori had imparted to him, but close enough he could see what it looked like, for the first time.

A little more of Chuuya that he could accept as his, as real, as someone and something that belonged somewhere.

...

By the time he meets Dazai in that hallway, Kouyou has already begun to give him pink, and that's enough colours to make the light of the stained glass almost unbearable to look at-

Not to mention, in spite of how insufferable he's being, in spite of so much else still being kept in monotone, he can see in stark relief the way that Dazai's face goes from pink to red and all of the places he flushes, and like hell is he giving in, because if anyone around here is an attention seeking dog it isn't Chuuya.

(Even so, he also refuses to admit he enjoys seeing all of the different ways he can make Dazai flush red. Far too many of them at his expense, and the last thing he wants is to encourage the bratty kid to get worse.)

...

Work and responsibilities drive him into having less time, once he gets the role of executive, but he never stops seeing blue, or red, or pink, and when he'd heard people talking openly about how they'd woken up one day for work only to have a colour fade, he's worried himself more times than he can count by the idea that the next time he looks at the sky, it will have faded to a dull tone.

Dazai doesn't seem to care. Dazai just keeps on throwing himself into danger, the way he'd said he was all too happy to the moment he'd admitted he'd wanted to give being in the Port Mafia a go. 

It shouldn't shock or surprise him anymore. 

He still sighs with relief when the sky is the same as always.

...

And then Dazai leaves, without a word, and his car had been targeted with a bomb, so he can't even go after him.

Dazai leaves.

Dazai leaves, and doesn't come back, and he half expects the sky to turn grey regardless, because everything he'd ever started to trust had been right there, and now one of those pillars, as frustrating and aggravating as he was- 

Dazai was gone.

The sense of betrayal feels like it should mean something. That it should do something.

Instead, the sky is as blue as ever, and the sea sparkles, and his eyes stare back at him, bright and hard and dull and scared and alone-

He hates it. He hates what Dazai makes him feel like - vulnerable and only half of what he could be, and he hates that it's Dazai who makes him feel so human, and he isn't even here for it.

...

He had barely interacted with Akutagawa before Dazai had betrayed the organisation, but now, he's somehow wound up becoming a subordinate. He spars against the kid from time to time, and the way he flinches sometimes pisses Chuuya off, because if you're gonna fight someone stronger than you, the last thing you need is to give them an opening.

Even so, it comes as a sort of dull surprise when Akutagawa comes back from a mission one day with dark spots marring his features, and when Chuuya gets close enough to force the kid to slow down and stop pretending he's fine, he realises it's not just a mix of pink-grey-red, but there's purple mixed in as well.

He tells Akutagawa to go put ice on those bruises before they swell up further, and to tell Mori or a medic if they do get worse, before dismissing him.

Purple, he thinks to himself later, lost in the irony of it. A mixture of red and blue. Someone Dazai left behind, but Mori put him in my care. Just figures, doesn't it.

...

When he comes down the steps to the cell they'd been keeping Dazai in, he isn't lying when he says that Dazai looks like a masterpiece, hung up like that to dry. It was what he deserved, after all - for being a damn traitor, for working with the enemy, for leaving him behind like that.

The fact that Dazai isn't dressed in what had once been clearly just a plain black suit, a suit that hadn't left anything to the imagination, that hadn't been interesting or eye-catching, causes him to blink.

Grey. 

Dazai is covered head to toe in grey.

Colours Chuuya can't see, reminders that Dazai had people in his life who'd given him colours Chuuya didn't have.

It's enough to piss him off even more than he already was, because how the hell did someone like Dazai earn the right to that? Someone who manipulated and harassed other people, and had constantly left Chuuya wondering if he'd ever had a shred of human decency or compassion?

How dare you, his fists say. You don't deserve those colours.

He holds Dazai up by the throat, and holds his knife up to the skin above the bandages, close, close enough to see red pooling around the sheen of the blade, feeling satisfaction at the sight of the dark bruises that are already forming on the little skin Dazai is showing.

I hate you, he thinks, and the feeling doesn't dissipate after he's forced to let Dazai go, and it sits pooling in the pit of his stomach once he's already left.

...

His world goes grey whenever he enters Corruption.

He'd told Dazai once, when they were sixteen and he was scared, more scared of what going completely colourblind had felt like - what it could mean - than of Dazai using it against him.

He always had. Expected Dazai to use it against him, that is, and yet... he hadn't.

What do you think it means, he'd asked, needing some sort of answer even if it was just made up to piss him off, and Dazai had said I've heard that dogs are colourblind, and it'd done the job.

It's also the reason why he hates using Corruption at night more than he hates using Corruption in the daytime. 

In the daytime it feels jarring, because even anyone who's used to violence is used to it not escaping the night, but the night brings darkness and muted colours, so when the monochrome begins to fade out and and wash away, it's slower than it should be, more muted than he'd like, and he finds himself shaking in Dazai's grip as Corruption loses its hold on him and yet at the same time, he's still worried that the lingering aftereffects haven't gone away yet.

He collapses to the ground of the crater he'd made, the strength leaving him and with Dazai's hand gone, nothing to keep him upright.

Feels Dazai's eyes on him, as he's peering down at him like, like- like he's playing some sick show of being concerned.

A show that's betrayed by the way that when he does crouch down to be more on Chuuya's level, when he berates Dazai for not stopping him sooner, Dazai just says that he could have, but he'd been having fun.

The bastard.

"I used Corruption," he manages to get out, "because I trusted you..."

He trails off, staring at Dazai's chest, now that his bandaged arms aren't in the way.

Feels like he should say something else, but the words are all lost.

"That's blue," he says instead.

Dazai blinks. Looks down.

"You didn't notice before? I thought I'd add some colour."

The words spin in his head, the anger and confusion and hope and love and hate clashing to the point where the only thing he can think to do is put the last of his energy into a single punch aimed at Dazai's chest. 

It's pitiable, how he knows damn well that an hour or two ago he could have knocked Dazai back into the trees even without the use of his ability, but after Corruption his words from back in the cell are coming back to bite him - you call that a punch? That's barely even a massage.

The last thing he sees as he topples sideways, is Dazai smiling.

...

(The words won't leave him alone, even well after he wakes up and Dazai is gone.

I thought I'd add some colour.

They both knew damn well that Dazai wasn't actually just wearing grey - that there were things he had, that Chuuya didn't.

I thought I'd add-

But Dazai had chosen to wear blue.

Dull and almost unnoticed in between the stripes of his shirt.

I thought-

Bright and shining in the moonlight, glimmering and ready to catch Chuuya's eye when Chuuya needed it most.

I thought I'd add some colour, Dazai had said, and Chuuya heard I thought of you.)

...

It takes a while for him to get back on even ground with himself.

He curses Dazai's name in the celebration he, the Boss, and Kouyou all share for the fact that Yokohama's been saved.

Swears that he isn't mother henning Akutagawa, thank you very much, unless you want to call practically locking him in until he's sure the kid has rested after that fight, and threatening to confiscate the damn coat until he's sure he isn't just going to pull a Dazai and walk out half dead on his feet.

He finds himself walking the route to the Agency's dorms when he should be going home one day, absent-minded and with more focus on the sky than where he's going, which is how he winds up almost - but not quite - walking straight into the weretiger Akutagawa's so hung up on.

"Eh- Nakahara-san?"

He blinks.

"You're doing better than Akutagawa," he says without thinking.

For a moment he wonders what the kid's gonna do with that information, but then the weretiger just... sighs.

"He pushes himself like he thinks he has to prove something to the world with every fight he gets into, that's why," the kid muttered out, just loudly enough Chuuya could hear him and snort, getting a startled look and a flushed face for his trouble. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Nah, it's fine. That sounds just like him, actually. I've been trying to get him to take better care of himself for years now."

The kid deflates - relaxes, really - and laughs nervously before looking at Chuuya in an almost expectant way.

"Were you... looking for someone?"

He could deny it. He probably should. He could snap and say it was none of the kid's business-

He doesn't, though. Not only because there wouldn't be any point this close to where Dazai might come out of the woodwork at any moment, but because the kid didn't deserve any of it.

He sighs, and looks away, and winds up staring at the cloudy sky, the sun set but the light not quite having disappeared from the horizon yet. Pale blues mix with near-blacks, and he can see every last one of them.

"Yeah... I was wondering if the grey bandaged bastard was around."

"Grey-? Oh... you mean Dazai-san, right?" He doesn't wince, at the reminder that Dazai wasn't grey to everyone else. "He... I think Kunikida-san wanted him to stay later than usual to finish up some reports that suddenly became relevant in a recent case. If you need to tell him something, I can pass a message along?"

He-

Can't.

His mouth goes dry.

"Thanks," he says instead, "but you don't have to. It can wait." He didn't think he could ask this sort of thing through a proxy. It'd be like passing notes in class where the teacher can see them - not that he's ever been able to do anything like that. He doesn't know about Dazai, though. The closest is when they'd tried to tap out morse code messages while they were being reprimanded by Mori. "But - can I ask you something without you telling Dazai for me?"

The kid froze awkwardly, as if only just now remembering that he was chatting away with a Port Mafia executive. It would've been cute if it weren't frustrating.

"I, uh - that- that depends on what you want to know...?"

"Relax, kid-"

"Atsushi."

"Atsushi, then." He left off the honorific. He didn't use it with Dazai, or Akutagawa, or anyone really. Besides, they were technically not on the same side, so a bit of disrespect didn't mean love lost."Relax, I just - wanted to- you know what colours he's wearing, don't you?"

"You can't- oh. I didn't mean... I'm sorry."

"Don't. Just... don't."

He just stands there. He doesn't know if the kid's going to just stare at him with pity until he walks away, but he's got more pride than to be the first one to move.

"...Brown," Atsushi says at last, and it feels like it's been way too fucking long. "He has a tan brown coat, and light brown trousers, and a dark brown waistcoat," he carries on, and each word hurts, because the kid's just standing there and pointing out his weaknesses in the middle of the street. "The leather of his tie is, and so are his hair and his eyes."

Chuuya laughs, and it breaks off when he realises how much he must have given away just by the look in his own eyes, and the way he'd sounded so broken, even just to himself, but he can't help but ask-

"Who the hell gave you that colour?"

The weretiger looks back at him, mostly black-and-white, but with almost full-grey eyes that were somewhat purple near the pupil, near the middle, and he smiles.

"That would be Dazai-san," he said, as if he wasn't just saying something that most people kept private, as if he didn't even think of that. "And, I hope that things work out for you, Nakahara-san."

Something about the way the kid looks at him, the way he just accepts, and the way he wasn't even sure if that was pity anymore, something about any one of those things or just one - takes the wind out of him.

"You might as well call me Chuuya," he says, and sees Atsushi smile - brightly - before he turns away.

...

He answers the call, and doesn't come running, but he comes all the same.

You know what this means, don't you, they all tell him, one way or another.

Like hell he doesn't know what they all think. He doesn't care what they all think.

The blues are fading, he'd realised earlier. I can still see them, but-

He hadn't been able to finish the thought, because the idea that they'd just keep fading until they were just a shadow of what they'd been is one he's not about to entertain today. 

He'd worried about it enough other times, growing up, and more than he ever should have in the past four years. But not today.

The bastard didn't get to die on him today.

...

"You know when's a good time to chicken out and go home? 

"I- no. What is?"

"Never, that's when." Everyone's telling me that bastard's dead. But- "Especially not while I can still see this much blue."

He hurls himself off the helicopter with a run, and chants those damn words in midair.

(There are no guarantees, he remembered reading once. From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.

He doesn't remember who wrote it, but hell if they didn't know what they were talking about.)

...

He still can't see brown when Dazai touches him and brings him back, and the suit is all black-and-white apart from the tie, which is a washed out and ugly grey. Dazai's eyes, when he sees them, are wide and grey, and he knows damn well that the grey in Dazai's hair isn't from age.

None of that matters, though, because he's completely surrounded by the blue of No Longer Human.

He won't admit it, but-

Shitty suit and colours he can't see or not, he still thinks this is the most beautiful he's ever seen Dazai.

...

"If you wanted a kiss, you could've just asked for one, asshole," he grumbles out, the curses and grudging frustration betrayed by his words.

He's slumped across Dazai's shoulder, anyway. The only dignity he'd been able to reclaim was that he wasn't caught with his head practically shoved between Dazai's legs. 

"Dogs give the worst kisses," he hears Dazai say, and the only reason (other than being too damn exhausted to move a muscle still) why he doesn't hit him again just for that, is the distant way he's talking, because he knows Dazai as well as Dazai knows him. You don't get that kind of depth from one colour if you don't. Dazai's... scared. "I much preferred the idea of being given one from a prince."

"You're the worst," he mutters out, and hears - feels - Dazai sigh, his hand on Chuuya's neck not moving. "You could've just asked," he says again.

He could swear he could almost feel Dazai's heart stop beating, his lungs stop taking in air.

He forces himself, with what little energy he'd managed to regain, to push up, out far enough that he could see Dazai's face.

"Don't," Dazai says, sounding like he's just been choked.

Dazai's hand slips-

Chuuya lets himself fall forward, like it's a parody of before, trusting Dazai to catch him again, which he does, but this time he has Dazai's hands on his chest, stopping him from just plain falling onto him entirely, and his mouth on Dazai's. It's about the least romantic thing he can think of and they can laugh about it later.

Right now, he's caught by the way that those not-grey eyes are wide open, staring at him.

"Chuuya is beautiful," Dazai says, before gently setting him back down, before they both wind up worse off than before.

He doesn't let go. Chuuya doesn't let go.

He wonders what Dazai sees, when he looks at him.

...

"...Atsushi was the one who suggested the truce between the Agency and the Port Mafia," Dazai says some time later, by several weeks. They're on a bench by the prettier side of the docks, and the sun's setting over the water. A beautiful mix of red and blue. "The only way he could have come to that conclusion would be while he was either on or falling from the Moby Dick, in an attempt to get Q's doll to me, so that I could nullify the ability and breast the curse."

Chuuya blinks, and thinks back to that time. It's not something he likes to think back on. They'd lost too many good people.

"I don't see what that's got to do with me," he says, trying to push the subject away.

"Really? I certainly found it interesting. Because although he was able to see dark reds before then... it was only after that, that he began to be able to see burnt orange."

"That's... seriously?"

"I wouldn't lie about a thing like this, Chuuya. I believe he respects you."

Who the hell gave you that colour?, he remembered asking, and he laughs. 

"And why d'you think I should know that, anyway?"

Trust shitty Dazai to tell him other peoples' secrets. It shouldn't have been his to tell.

"Because I thought you should know," Dazai says. "You deserved-" He looks out at the sea. For once, the first time he can remember, Dazai's eyes don't just glaze over the parts of the sky that aren't red. "To know. That he was the one I found my blue in."

When Dazai turns to him, eyes wide, leaning in, it leaves his mouth dry for reasons entirely nothing to do with kissing, because he knows this isn't a kissing thing. 

His new subordinate-

Oh, he finds himself thinking.

Because it isn't anything about them, it's about Dazai trying to say to someone, that he'd improved, he'd become better.

Akutagawa had never given him anything. Not even the purple that Chuuya had. And when he saw Dazai now, he didn't think that'd changed. Guilt was no more a basis for a colour than pure hatred was, after all.

"You're an idiot, you dumb shitty mackerel," he says. "But... maybe this isn't such a bad look on you."

He might not be able to see the sunset the same way Dazai did now, lacking the gold he knew Dazai was able to see, but he could see the way the years had changed his old partner, and maybe it wasn't that bad, and maybe he was still bitter and angry, but maybe...

Maybe none of that mattered, because the wide-eyed looks Dazai still gave him from time to time were breathtaking. 

Even if he couldn't see all of those shades of brown.

...

AN: The "There are no guarantees" lines are actually something I'd seen quoted by another author, and it turns out the source is Emmanuel Teney, if you're curious.

The title comes from "The Moon", one of IRL Chuuya's poems.

EDIT: Originally this was just going to be a second part or chapter of "A Faint Pale Rainbow", before I decided to make the Coloursverse into a series. Because of that, I almost forgot that I'd accidentally deleted a clarification: 

Randou/Rimbaud does indeed give Chuuya a colour, but because colours tend to seep in rather than come in all at once, the colour that he would have given to Chuuya never had a chance to set, since the first time Chuuya felt any positive influence from Rimbaud was while he was dying; effectively, the yellows stuck in a state of being never entirely desaturated. Which, unfortunately, also means Chuuya's never going to get that colour in future, since it does technically already exist for him.

[leonawriter]

In The Moonlight

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Chuuya, Dazai, Atsushi, Kyouka, others.

Pairings: Dazai/Chuuya

Notes: BEAST AU fix-fic. Dazai-typical suicide references. Book Dazai AU.

Chuuya finding the Book isn't entirely an accident. Chuuya falling out of the mafia building after Dazai wasn't an accident at all. Neither was pushing himself to breaking point to make damn sure both he and Dazai survived hitting the ground.

But surviving is one thing. Picking up the pieces of the world in the aftermath of it all, would be another thing entirely.

...

Chuuya leaves, figuring that whatever Dazai wanted to do, he could damn well do without Chuuya - he'd done well enough by that account for the past several years, after all, so what'd be so different about now?

He almost trips, almost falls-

shouldn't be possible like that with his ability he  shouldn't and yet andyet-

-and remembers that he'd left something in Dazai's old office. The one Dazai used to have as his home base of sorts, when they were still basically dorming together in the mafia stronghold, having nowhere else to go and no one else to take them in.

At one point, they'd hated each other and worked seamlessly, almost as if where one stopped the other one started.

Then again, at one point, the room he'd just left had been the same one he could still remember pledging loyalty to the mafia - to one man - in, and now, here he was, with all of the reasons he'd sworn that oath having been burnt away over time into the smouldering ashes of could-have-beens.

(He'd seen Dazai plot and set traps around Mori around the time of the Mimic incident; something about the entire thing had left him feeling vaguely sick afterwards, an ache in his side, watching as his world crumbled, fell, and then neatly rebuilt and rearranged itself around him.

Ah, he'd thought sometime later, that's why, he'd thought, remembering how Shirase had stabbed him by getting in close. It was just another betrayal, after all, just another organisation he could have - should have - done more for, where he was slowly being taken for granted.

Again.)

You've forgotten something, his feet still said, taking him back. Who even knew why, it wasn't as if he could change anything.

It wasn't as though he could go back into their past, and somehow change things - it wasn't as if he'd know what to change. He didn't have Dazai's mind for that sort of shit. But then, given where Dazai was right now-

Maybe that was for the best.

...

The Boss' old room from when he wasn't even an executive yet was barely touched from the time when that'd been the case, and this was the only office Dazai'd had, and part of that was because of how little time he'd spent here before moving on to bigger and better places higher up in the food chain.

Or at least, that's what he seemed to want everyone else to think.

'Everyone else' wasn't Chuuya, though, and Chuuya found it all too easy to see the differences - a little less cluttered here, perhaps, a little less full of life. Much like the man it belonged to. The couch they'd bothered each other on before things had started to change was in here, and so were a few other things, although all of them seemed to have been thrown onto the floor rather than treated with any sort of respect or, god forbid, sentiment.

He must have forgotten what he'd come in here for, because he couldn't for the life of him think what could be his in this memorial of a room that he'd want to take with him, that he might have left behind.

That damn bastard had even just left a torn up notebook full of his own writing just scattered on the floor, the binding pretty much coming loose in places.

He bent down to pick it up.

One gloved finger brushed a page.

...

One moment he is crouched on the floor of Dazai's old office.

The next he is seeing himself, frozen in time, outside of space and everything, and at the same time, a part of it.

At first, it is quiet. 

Then, he hears something, at the edge of his awareness, a papery sound, as if-

...

His awareness spreads from one page to every single page, and it is too much, too fast, and he thinks he hears himself screaming-

(Hears himself screaming Dazai's name and sees himself shoving an entire skyscraper down a dragon's maw in the midst of Corruption, and Dazai is dressed in white, the white of death, and yet he wakes and touches Chuuya-)

-until he almost can't hear himself any longer, or he would say that, except, something about the thought feels wrong.

Was it even his scream? 

Visions of their very own White Reaper, the weretiger Atsushi, flicker in his mind, dressed in a different kind of black-and-white, more white than black, screaming out the name of the Agency's newest recruit in rage.

It all passes him by in an instant, like old camera footage on film, but he can hear it and feel it at the same time. As if he's there.

He doesn't understand.

...

Dazai is standing in front of him, looking roughed up, which sets Chuuya on edge immediately, even before he takes in any real notice of the Boss' clothes, because anyone or anything that could get that close to the Boss, could hurt the Boss, was on him. Keeping the Boss safe from harm, even if it was from himself, was Chuuya's own job, damn it.

And then he looks down at Dazai, and sees the brown coat, the beige trousers, the waistcoat, the tie... more colour than he thinks he's ever seen on Dazai, even on undercover missions. And not a hint of black or red.

Then again, he looks at himself, and he looks much like he did when he was first taken in. How he'd stayed for years, until Dazai had taken over. Before he'd had to resign himself to staying indoors, and barely even seeing or walking the streets of the city he loved.

"If I step in too late," Dazai was saying, "you'll die. It's your call."

He watches himself go.

Trusting Dazai with his life.

Watches himself let go, and give in.

He closes his eyes, and wonders just how long it had taken for him to doubt that trust.

Because he can't look, can't watch himself go like this, and it shakes him when he opens his eyes to see-

Nothing, and everything.

He closes his eyes again, and wonders when it was that he had begun to not bear to look.

...

"Stop it," he says, even though he doesn't truly have a voice here.

"Stop it," he cries out.

He curls in on himself, reaching for a hat that doesn't exist, although the universe has the ability to make another, or a hundred thousand hats the exact same, each one with the handwritten word "Rimbaud" inked into the brim.

It doesn't matter here if he's human or not, because his ability doesn't exist, and all that does are the images and scenes of lives as they could have been, a countless number that are tearing him to shreds.

"Please," he says, the word getting torn out of him, "I just want to go back."

...

The whirlwind dies down. 

He starts to be able to think again.

And then-

...

Liar.

...

The  word comes from everything, all around. The entire world telling him that he had to be telling a lie.

Liar, the world said, again. 

You could have any one of these. You could change the world to your whim. 

You don't want to go back.

Liar.

...

"I just want to go back," he couldn't help repeating, as if saying it would make it true. 

Seeing those things made him want so badly, made him tempted, and yet...

...

I can't be him. 

...

That was right.

Whoever the Chuuya in there was, every time he saw him, he seemed so much younger, so much more naive, and as if he'd barely seen anything of the world.

That wasn't him, he couldn't be that person - maybe he could have, once, but not anymore.

...

...can't be-

...

Chuuya just wishes, for a moment, that the one he was stuck with could be just a little bit more like-

...

I CAN'T BE HIM - I CAN'T BE THAT PERSON.

I CAN'T BE HIM.

YOU CAN'T WANT ME, ALL ANYONE WANTS IS THE ONE WHO ISN'T ME, AND I CAN'T-

...

Knowledge and understanding flood his being in a split second. One moment, there's the confusion of wondering where the voice was coming from that spoke directly into everything so that his very bones (or where bones should be) shook him and gave him such an all-encompassing sensation of despair.

He was inside the Book.

Everything that he had seen was an alternate timeline, an alternate version of events, a possibility.

Dazai would tell Atsushi and Akutagawa that only three people could understand the Book's true use and purpose at a time, and that this would be a lie, as he simply knew that the Book would not be able to withstand being used even one more time.

The incontrovertible truth that Dazai Osamu, regardless of the fact that he seemed to not be aware of this himself... was the Book itself.

Or at least, the part that Chuuya was in right now, was the part made of paper that couldn't burn or be destroyed by normal means, and yet had been used to destruction by Dazai's  very own self.

He could find out anything, he realised. Anything at all.

Instead, he simply closed his eyes.

"Put me back," he said, using the same tone of voice he used on jittery subordinates who'd never killed before. Gentle, but firm. "And stop assuming you know what I want, asshole."

...

Chuuya opens his eyes, and catches a sheet of what he had been assuming to be notebook paper, that had blown free from the carpeted floor, and puts it carefully with the rest. Neither it nor the rest of the ripped-out pages will go back in the way they went, but that's not the main issue right now. the important thing was not losing any.

And then, when it's secure and safely tucked away in an inner pocket, the Book - snug against his heart - feels almost as though it's telling him to find a window, to be quick-

...

It's not easy, getting Dazai down. It involves a lot of stopping and starting, running down windows and aborted attempts at going ahead to break one and get him inside before they reach the ground, before having to simply catch the falling fish again and the times when he's just carrying his boss, reacting like someone who's never had an ability - which isn't something that comes naturally to him, more so than for anyone else, given he's never known what it's like to live without it.

By the time they're on the ground, Dazai's staring at him with a single accusing eye (strange, now that he's seen the Dazai-in-brown with both eyes open), as if he's just interrupted something important.

Which, he thinks, according to Dazai, he had.

Not that he gives a flying fuck what Dazai thinks right now, because he's pissed off, and trying to not look too much like he is, because Dazai or not, suicide attempt or not, this was still his Boss.

"...You stopped me," Dazai says eventually. There's a hint of real anger in his voice, but for once Chuuya isn't intimidated. 

"I don't remember ever resigning," he says, out of breath. He's pretty sure he can feel bruises he's going to feel for ages, and his suit's torn from broken glass, sticky from it too, from where the glass slid in a touch too deeply when he was holding Dazai and couldn't push it away in time. "I don't remember quitting, either," he adds. "You know, I almost forgot just how much you've always pissed me off, Dazai." 

"I'm your Boss-"

"And I'm saying as someone who used to be your partner, I hate suicidal idiots who don't think about anyone else more than anything!" His voice is hoarse. Maybe it's the wind he had to put up with on the way down. That'd count for the way his eyes are watering, too. He's not used to having to deal with high pressure wind like a normal person would, after all. "Damn it, I fucking hate you."

Dazai, damn him, tenses in Chuuya's grip, and then stills.

(Part of him remembers the way another Dazai had floated down effortlessly to the ground, Chuuya the one in his lap instead of the other way around, and it having been a soft, peaceful moment rather than the tense one full of the sound of alarms and people rushing out and surrounding them, since the Boss is on the ground, and with a single touch Chuuya's ability could be turned off, their final defence brought down.

It isn't fair, he thinks, that some other Chuuya got that, and he's stuck with this.)

"The Book," Dazai breathes out, single eye wide, "you found it - Chuuya, what did you do? What did you do?"

"Nothing!" The word rings out around them, and if Chuuya's hurt that Dazai is more concerned with the idea of anything happening to that friend of his who wasn't even his friend here, than his own life, or Chuuya's, or anyone else's in the whole damn world, then - apparently, that doesn't count for much. "I didn't write a single fucking word on a single damn page, Dazai," he says lowly, so that this time Dazai's the only one who can hear him. Dazai just stares at him, clearly not believing. "Not one."

"I... could have died, I think," Dazai says.

There's something tired about the way he says it, that makes Chuuya feel like there's a cold seeping into his bones.

"Yeah," he says, remembering all the numbers of times since they were kids that Dazai's tried and failed to die, the times when he'd floated along the river and should have drowned, when he's hung himself and added yet another rope line to his neck, thrown himself into the line of fire, off of buildings... 

Dazai'd somehow always survived, no matter that he hadn't wanted to, had always been vocally disappointed to be able to open his eyes again.

This time, though-

If only a diamond can polish a diamond, does that mean that the only thing that can destroy the Book, something that can't be damaged by fire or any other sort of ability, no matter the kind... is the Book itself?

The pages strewn across Dazai's old office, and the broken state of the self that had been crying out when he'd been inside of it, suggested that maybe they were right.

"You could've," he allowed. "But you're not gonna."

"I'm... not him," Dazai says, closing his eyes. 

"Yeah? Good. Means I don't have to get my eyes checked for throwing myself off a building for a ghost, then." He thinks about it, if the Boss had suddenly been replaced like that, and shudders.

He can't finish the thought of wondering, because the very idea of him, the way he is, being looked at - through - by a Dazai who was so much better than both of them, who knew a Chuuya who was so much better than he was, had so much more... it makes him feel like he'd almost prefer never to have known they existed, because that way he wouldn't feel like the memory of their existence was constantly judging him.

...

They both wind up taking a short trip to the A&E, somewhere they haven't been for a while just because usually, Dazai's status as Boss of the Port Mafia tends to mean he's kept safely inside the headquarters building and seen to by Port Mafia doctors, or those they trust. But with the headquarters made a complete mess of by first Atsushi and Akutagawa, and then his own descent, it's no longer as secure as it should be, and anything else would just take too much time.

Dazai's in the next room, guarded by several mafia Chuuya trusts, both to protect him from any threats, but also - after the stunt he'd pulled earlier - from himself, and for his own good. 

Chuuya's been getting updates from them and the nurses whenever anything changes. So far, Dazai seems to have sustained mostly non-lethal but inconveniencing injuries that'll put him out of commission for a while.

So when Atsushi and Kyouka come by, the men direct them into Chuuya's room instead, because Dazai's asleep, like he should be.

He doesn't miss the way the weretiger's eyes widen at the sight of him, one of the most feared mafia executives and the Boss' right hand man, covered in bandages just like the Boss, and wrapped in a hospital yukata.

"S-sir!" Atsushi bows, as if they were just in the main office (he thinks he'd tried to blow that window in, too, but the windows hadn't given, just buckled somewhat, and he winces at the thought of how much effort is going to go into repairing and replacing everything).

"Atsushi." The boy's eyes widen at the sound of his name. Then again, he probably expects to be punished, for being up there when a suicidal idiot decided to try and kill himself again.

Chuuya sighs.

"We came because- b-before, Dazai-san... he..."

"He told you to do something, and then fell off the fucking roof, didn't he?" Chuuya summarised. 

Atsushi nodded, sharply.

"Yes, sir."

"What was it?" And when neither of them answered, he tched in frustration, and pushed himself a little further upright. "Dazai's in the other room asleep and alive, currently the only one other than you guys and maybe that Akutagawa who'd know what was said up there. As an executive member, I have every right to order you to tell me what he told you to do."

Atsushi paled, and began to shake, but Chuuya couldn't find it within himself to feel too guilty, even knowing just how strong the kid had grown in any other version of events.

"Dazai-san, he... he asked us to protect something," Atsushi said, voice still shaking, seemingly rooted to the spot. Kyouka next to him didn't move a single muscle. "And - he..." his voice trailed off into almost nothing. "He told me to defect from the mafia, sir." The words were barely audible, Chuuya only just able to hear them. "He told me-"

"Then what're you still doing here?" Atsushi, cut off by his superior - former superior, it looked like - stared blankly. "He fired you, kid. And her too, right?" After all, Chuuya had seen the girl doing better elsewhere too, and if he'd seen that, then Dazai definitely would have. "Then why come back like a stray dog to the place that's kicked you out? If you're wondering what to do next since Dazai's not dead, just... do whatever you want. You don't have to do what he says anymore, if he says he's not going to take you back." Hypocrite, he thinks to himself. Dazai had basically thrown him aside, and here he was, still clutching onto the last rags of something he didn't even know was worth keeping anymore. "If the Boss himself has told you to do a thing, you do it. And since I know what what's going on," in more ways than he'd let them know about, even if he had a strong suspicion he knew what they'd been tasked with protecting, and why, "I'm not going to let anyone hunt you down for following orders."

Atsushi began to back away, first one foot, and then the other, backing away and not turning around until he was in the hall, at which point Chuuya saw him begin to run.

Kyouka takes a little longer, studying him, eyes narrowed, before she turns away, a little more confident, a little less twitchy like a spooked cat.

"Good luck, kid," he can't help saying as she leaves. "You'll both do better there."

He thinks he sees her tense at his words, but can't be sure, and then she's gone too, and all he's left with is the knowledge that a part of Dazai's soul is still in his inner jacket pocket, and a sorry sense of attachment to two kids who he barely even knows, but knows can be so much better and more alive, just like them, and he's tired, he's tired of knowing.

So he closes his eyes, and hopes that when he wakes up, Dazai will still be alive, and the world won't have ended, and that when he next looks in that jacket pocket, he won't just see a dissipating mass of ink and dust.

It's as he's just drifting off, not quite asleep and not quite awake, that the thought comes to him-

Ah, he thinks, you're just like me.

...

AN: I'll be honest, this actually started several weeks ago when I was browsing pixiv and saw someone's art of Odasaku, Akutagawa, Atsushi, Kyouka, Kenji, and Dazai all standing in the light, and it made me go, "okay, but AU where they're all able to work together. Where they're on the same side, even if they're not in the same organisations."

And that's how this happened, although the part about Dazai being the Book's squishy human form comes from my other fic "The Rest That's Still Unwritten", which is technically canon to this one and vice versa by pure simple means of "same characters, different stories" even in-universe. Originally I wasn't going to, but... it worked just too well not to, especially after a random idea-thought had Chuuya going "this book's so beat up it looks like it barely even remembers it's a book."

...Though, I'll admit that I haven't gone through more than a summary of the BEAST AU book itself, and all events depicted from it are my own understanding of them. I'm writing a fix fic because I don't really like how things happened there, y'know. It's sad and I don't like sad.