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#this is an inside joke with my coworker
shebrakesforrainbows · 3 months
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Meta crack Security Breach AU where the Afton ending is the canon storyline, but after seeing Gregory completely wreak havoc in the Pizzaplex, Peepaw Afton literally just gives up. No last hurrah, he just decides he's too old for this shit.
He and Vanessa move out from under the Pizzaplex and into a shitty apartment. One day Afton stabs a random guy out of the blue who ends up being the owner of a run-down grocery store. He assumes the guy's identity in the eyes of the law and takes over as the manager.
Freddy, programmed with absolutely zero filter and sporting a bank full of undesirable knowledge, escapes with Gregory and raises him as his son, until at 16, Gregory gets a job of his own at the same grocery store.
Nothing but shenanigans ensue.
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mo-ok · 24 days
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the gang makes a devastating financial decision
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Koala: You know who thinks I’m funny?
Sabo: Old men?
Koala: No, they just think I'm pretty.
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bruhstation · 6 months
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checking out theodore tugboat right now and all I can say is that foduck would really benefit from reading the dsm v
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midnightfangz · 11 months
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There's something about silly cafe AUs that soothes my soul so much
#hi. my name is pluto and i came up with yet another idea for a fic#will i ever finish the previous wips? who knows#anyways. imagine a spiderverse cafe au where the spiders run a small cafe/restaurant/bakery whatever#the parker surname is funny inside joke bc none of them are related#peter b is either that one employee whos been there longest (has a lot of experience) or is the owner#peter b's mary jane delivers the fruit and vegetables and whatnot. theyre exes and are trying to act professional#but they decide to try again (like in the movie). the drama is unreal and the rest of the spider squad tease him about it so much#gwen is that one punk teen thats kinda scary. feels like shes judging you but shes actually just tired#rude customers stand no chance against her. makes delicious coffee. makes the best playlists. chill coworker#peni is also a teen. the best coworker you could ask for. customers love her bc shes very pleasant and overall really really nice#miles is the fresh faced part timer. kinda clumsy. well liked amongst the aunties and moms#draws THE BEST doodles on the cups/bags and so on#noir is also the scary coworker whos very chill once you get to know him. takes care of the deliveries. makes the food#strong as fuck. all the moms and grandmas fawn over him but hes clueless#felix (male felicia hardy. kinda an oc at this point?? love him so much) is one of the delivery guys. very punctual and pleasant#also very charming. brings gifts and things like that to people he likes. sneaks in snacks#benjamin (noir) doesnt care much for him at the beginning but after some time he weirdly?? feels upset?? when the delivery person#is not felix?? they start talking while taking the stuff out of the delivery van. laugh. get to know each other better#then felix starts visiting the cafe/whatever. becomes a regular. benjamin starts giving him food/coffee 'for the road'#the rest of the squad thinks theyre disgustingly adorable and try to get them together#I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS BUT I WILL DIE IF I FORGET ABOUT THIS#midnightfangz.txt#fanfiction#writing#long tags#spiderman: into the spiderverse
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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year
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The next month will literally be the best shit ever if everything goes right because
my school will officially be over (though the results of the finals will be out in july, but at least the finals themselves will be over soon)
my dad is getting me a new laptop that may have like a touch screen so I could draw more comfortably and also finally play Sims and Subnautica and Road 96 with more than 1fps
we're moving out of my grandma's!!!!! my mom found a place that's literally in the next building from here so we'll still be close to her and I generally love the area we currently live in so it'd be perfect and the owner wants to rent it out on the 1st
and with that I'll maybe be able to!!!!! Have a kittye!!!!!!!! my mom's friend's cat had babies recently and my mom already agreed long ago that I could get a pet once we move out and unless something goes terribly bad with like our new place or money or smth well adopt one of the kibbies I've never had a pet bigger than a rabbit in my life and I need to have a cat as soon as possible they're god's most beautiful creatures
also I'll have to redo my commission sheet since I'll be Free and also No Longer in School so I'll Need Money and my mom's gonna help me find some small simple jobs and if that goes well I'll be able to get myself some new piercings (I'm thinking snake bites)
I don't remember if there's anything else happening but like I can't wait everything good happens this June I wish I could like timeskip to June 1st right now
#exploding and screaming#honestly im the most excited about the new laptop and a KITTY#im already thinking of names#my mom said its gonna be mostly my pet#since shes always busy with work so she wouldn't have time to care for it#and my brother is 1. a little irresponsible shit and 2. he already has two cats at his grandparents' place#like we dont have the same dad and his dad's parents take care of his cats when hes not there#so!!! ill be the one to name the kibbye#unless it'll have a name already but. its gonna be a babye kitty so i dont think itll matter that much if I'd change it?#currently im considering: lasagna or salem or cyberbibo or a name thats a reference to some media i like#i dont have any specific references in mind rn#also cyberbibo means literally nothing bibo is just a silly little sound me and my sister make at each other#and as many other vocal stims it became an inside joke between us#cyberbibo in biboland is one of those silly inside jokes. it means nothing there is no lorw#but its fun to say out loud#lasagna would be perfect for an orange cat but the babies that my mom's coworker got are like white-tabby#and salem is just cute#honestly ill probably go with it unless i can think of something better#cause like#it's both a cool silly name and a name thats normal enough for my mom to agree on it#and in some years when i move out and maybe have a second cat i could name it something silly because no one will have the power to stop me#im just. so excited#ive always wanted a cat and it felt like its not even possible like its always just gonna be a dream#at least until im much older and able to move out and afford a pet#but. i could have a cat in a month or two. after we move out and get used to the new house and get everything we need for a cat#and once we get it i will be sharing pictures of it with everyone always at all times. people need to see my child my wee little baby#bee buzz
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neon-angels-system · 5 months
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anyone have the two-panel meme of a stickman saying '[thing] save me' '[thing] please'. I think the version I saw had iced coffee?
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sinisterexaggerator · 2 years
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Yoooooooo
My co-workers are now tipping imaginary hats to me when I walk in the building and greeting me by saying "Hello d'ere, little lady." and I am dying.
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The teenagers at my job love me bc whenever things get busy and I'm overwhelmed I look at them and tell them I'm about to turn into the Gay Joker and they think that's the funniest thing in the world.
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sharkieboi · 1 year
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just got back from the seeing the DnD movie a second time and i cannot WAIT until gif-makers get their hands on this movie there’s so many cool shots and easter eggs and there’s definitely going to be lists of actual mechanics shown in the movie in very fun gifsets I cannot wait
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dysaniadisorder · 2 years
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Subaru
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I cannot possibly explain the context as to why this conversation was happening in my work gc but I had to physically sit on my hands to stop myself from making an omegaverse joke here
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francebaby · 1 month
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need work to stop trying to send me to central valley, i dont have a car!
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babydarkstar · 6 months
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on god how are so many women in my experience like ‘im only friends w guys bc theyre less drama’ how???? where??? who are these guys you’re talking about????? the most drama i ever dealt with in my entire life was in a majority male friend group in college and it was something new every fucking day lmfao. before that i had never been friends with guys and i cant say ive had a male friend since
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gorejo · 7 months
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▸ you want to fuck my girlfriend? here, take a listen, scrub. - GOJO SATORU (forbes30!gojo au)
your boyfriend isn’t too fond when you speak so highly of your coworker, especially when he sees right through their motives — he thinks. so what does your boyfriend do when your coworker calls while fucking you? well, have him listen so he can fuck off.
content: 6.5k words (unedited bc i can't deal with this rip). afab!/fem!reader, she/her pronouns. minors do not interact. blowjob, and cunninlingus. you swallow his cum. he calls you pet names (girl, baby, sweetheart, angel, princess), he gets jealous of your coworker. fingering. satoru cums in his pants oopsies haha. breeding. he calls himself daddy one part for a joke. he cums inside you. he manhandles while his coworker hears you both doing the naughty naughty ◡̈ satoru gets nervous when you call him by his full name.
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How did things turn out this way?
You were supposed to be enjoying your dinner with Satoru. You should’ve helped clean the dishes with him by now, maybe even put the plates back into the cabinets.
Usually, he’ll cling onto you like a koala from behind, arms loosely wrapping around your waist while his hands were placed at the base of your tummy. lightly kissing the back of your neck, complaining about how stressful the day was with Ijichi up his ass as you hummed back sweet affirmations. 
And maybe by now, you were supposed to be having some dessert while cuddling with him on the couch, cozy and under the soft blankets as he played with your fingers, grazing around your promise one while watching ridiculous rom-com movies, murmuring under his breath something undecipherable with a smug look on his face. 
“What,” you queried without taking your eyes off the screen, biting your lips as you intently rooted for the couple to finally get together, “ugh but Satoru how can she be so dumb!” frustratingly rolling your eyes, pouting as you slumped into his chest, “like the man is practically spelling it out he’s in love with her!” 
“You tell me,” your boyfriend groaned, “because baby this feels like déjà vu.”
“What?” you intently looked back at him, “sorry… can you repeat that?” you cheekily smiled, clueless at what was going on in your boyfriend’s head, completely forgetting about the torment and the eight years of suffering (he liked to exaggerate) he had to endure just to be here with you today, not even adding the months it took for you to even date him during college — he liked to always add.
“Nothing,” he softly responded, pulling you closer as he rested his chin on your shoulder, “just thinking, that’s all,” he murmured before placing a kiss on your shoulder.
This was supposed to be the ritual for Thursday evenings — wind down and relax while shitting on the cringy plot as you both giggled about the unrealistic romance, completely delusional just how you both got back together…
And as most couples do, while peacefully lying together things happen to lead to another, a simple kiss becoming something more, wanting and needy, resulting in occasional sexual favors when you both are up for it. 
occasionally.
“Nothing too strenuous,” he’ll smile while looking up at you, his hair softly covering your breasts as he kisses your perked nipples.
“Satoru… w-we can’t, we need to get up early.” The irony in your words almost made him laugh. 
Can’t? Oh… how you underestimate him. Have you not learned already that there was no “can’t” in his dictionary? 
“No no, princess, we can,” he tenderly seduced as his lips brushed against your skin, looking up at your needy face with his cheeks a faint rose, “we always make it work.”
“But ‘Toru! Ngh,” you whined, grasping his wrist as you arched your back. The way you sucked in a harsh breath when you felt his mildly calloused fingers inch their way down into your panties, gently stroking your sensitive clit made his cock painfully throb inside the restraints of his briefs.
“it’ll be quick, so relax,” your boyfriend coaxed, his tongue swirling and sucking against your breasts, his ego satisfied when he feels you succumb to his touch. And when he releases with a pop, a coat of his saliva glistening on your areola, he can’t help but salivate when he thinks about how pretty your cunt will also glisten with his spit as your cum drips down his chin.
“You’re such a liar.” you tugged on his hair, bucking your hips to get more friction against his hands.
“Don’t you know me so well,” chuckling as he placed tender kisses to your chest, reaching up your collarbone and to your jaws, watching your expressions change from expectancy to frustration as he teased to put his finger in, “baby, yes or no?”
Glaring at him, you pulled him closer, “I hate you—” your voice hitched when he pushed two fingers in, slightly opening his mouth to release a moan as he watched your head being thrown back and chest huffing at the sudden penetration, immediately placing his vacant hand behind your head so you wouldn’t get hurt.
“Aw, you’re going to hurt my feelings,” a sly smile crept over his face, his mellifluous voice making you clench on his finger. his hand brings your head down to see his fingers connecting with your pussy, the slick of your erection making erotic noises behind the muffled voices from the movie.
“but you hear that?” His long fingers slowly entered frustratingly in and out of your hole, twisting as the tip of his middle and fourth fingers arched to brush against your sweet spot, the gushes of your viscous juice being embarrassingly loud as you hid your face in the crook of his neck, arms thrown around him, “heh you love me so much.” 
It’s always just to get the edge off from the day’s stress. 
And it’s never quick with Satoru unless it was the risque office sex he liked to have recently or when he thrived off a fast run in goddamn random places. But mostly it was a couple of rounds at a minimum.
Other times, you were kneeling in between his thighs, your fingers linked under his waistband, pulling down his gray sweats — his bulge deliciously accentuated in it. A soft whine releases when you feel a knot in your stomach and a familiar aching in between your thighs as you lick your lips while palming his clothed member.
“You’re so pretty,” you murmured, scanning down from his face to his pelvis. 
your boyfriend worked hard for his body, proven by the thousands of pictures he sent you while at the gym or during his free time. mostly unsolicited photos that he strangely knew exactly when to send — during your meetings, during lunch, or just when you’re about to leave the office.
“Yea?” he murmured, kicking his sweats off his ankles, “or do you just like seeing me half naked in my sweats you love to eyefuck me with?”
Satoru had a talent, gifting to be exact, for looking so pretty — especially when his lids were half opened, his pink lips mildly caved open while his hands desperately touched you. With his defined adam’s apple bobbing, expectantly swallowing a wad of his spit as you kissed down his neck, tongue gently tickling his collarbone while you made your way down his firm chest, placing soft pecks on his skin as your hands soothed out his clenched abdominals.
“Hmm,” blowing on his member and placing a sweet kiss on his inner thigh, “both,” you hummed.
He’ll hiss when the cool air meets his semi-hardened cock, looking intently down as your small hands wrapped around his pretty shaft. His cerulean eyes lasciviously looking down at you while you played with his member, licking at his tip and stroking his length. His eyes soon roll back, his toned arms flayed while his hands clenched onto the back of the couch, his lids fluttering while he desperately rasped, feeling your sweet mouth sucking at his balls, “fuck, just like that angel… such a good girl.”
Usually, you’ll draw out his high. Hearing his hitched breaths and wonton moans as you swirl your tongue around his pulsing head, placing soft kitten licks and butterfly kisses down his length, holding his shaft and putting it against your cheek to have him see just how big he was. 
And only when you see his brows furrow, his hand making its way to the top of your head to gently yet impatiently push you down his length, that you’ll expand your mouth, and pull him in deeply to the base of your throat. 
He’ll guide your pace to just how he liked it, hips bucking into your mouth as the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat and his neatly trimmed pubes tickled your nose. Hissing at how warm, soft, and just so right your tongue felt around his dick as his thumb gently massaged your jaws, cooing at how perfect you looked — satisfied that no matter how many times you’ve done this for him, it was still a struggle for you to take him in all three holes.
And on most Thursday nights, it doesn’t take him long to cum into your mouth. With his head thrown back as he gulped down his spit, the vein of his cock bulging more as you felt his shaft twitch in your hands. He’ll relentlessly shoot his warm seeds down your throat, his body hovering over you as he groans while gluttonously calling out your name — breathy and close to whimpers as he rode out his orgasm.
You’ll release his softened cock with a little pop when his chest starts to calm and you hear his graveled chuckle. tiredly smiling as you sweetly looked up at him, his eyes fucked as he gazed at the corner of your mouth still covered with remnants of his cum.
“here spit,” he’ll kindly offer his hand, voice groggy and deep. 
Satoru is a simple man when it comes to you. Because when you open up your mouth, showing him there was nothing left, he’ll feel his cock twitch again as he smiles. Groaning with his one hand wrapped around your jaw, just large enough to hold your face to easily maneuver. With your cheeks lightly smushed by his grip, he’ll arch down to praise you just before landing a kiss, “that’s my girl.” 
And on other occasions, he’ll have you laying on the couch, his fingers delicately spreading out your pussy while he swirled his tongue around your clit, his finger prodding inside you — one, two, occasionally three when you were really feeling it — his salacious eyes watching your body squirm and lip spread like an angelic ‘O’ as you moaned out ‘Toru’.
Call him a masochist but he loves the sharp pain of your fingers pulling at his hair as you come into his mouth. It makes his dick twitch to know he’s doing a fine ass job pleasing you. He’ll go on his hands and knees if it meant he could endlessly make you cum — in his mouth? Well, that was a cheeky bonus.  
He groaned as he lifted himself up, swiftly looking at the drops of your juices traveling down his forearm before he caged you back into his arms, his lips kissing you loosely while your hand immediately found refuge in his briefs. 
It wasn’t a surprise you still felt him hard — one round was never sufficient for a guy like him.
And in between kisses, as he tugged onto your lower lip, “did you feel good?” he’ll breathily mutter, being careful not to use his soiled hands to touch you, yet he’ll press further into your body wanting more of you.
“Mhm, always,” you’ll affirm as you breathe out, feeling him slightly tremble in your hold, “you okay, Satoru?” 
“Baby…” as he slightly pulled away to look at you, “I never came so fucking fast in my life,” he groaned while looking down, his enjoyment proved by the dark circular outline on the groin of his sweats, “i’m still fucking hard.” 
Aside from sex, Thursdays were supposed to be a routine. Get home, eat and wash up, enjoy a glass of wine or dessert, and warmly talk in each other’s company as you both looked forward to the next day after work — the weekly date night that Satoru thoughtfully planned.
Key word: supposed to.
This was supposed to be the usual for a typical Thursday night. 
So, how did you end up here — naked and sticky, with his hands pushing down your thighs to your chest, his long fingers pressing into your plush skin with eyes dark and carnal as his cock stretched you out fully in his bed with his hips pounding into you as his phone obnoxiously buzzed.
Well, it’s probably when you mentioned you would have a work meeting with a coworker after dinner, completely neglecting him — his Thursday routine with you.
“With who?” clenching his chopstick as he silently chewed on his rice, knowing just who you were about to say.
“Well,” cleaning your lips with a napkin, “Tanaka-san wanted me to go over the presentation with him for tomorrow.”
Satoru was sure he felt a vein pop when he heard his name. He was already upset that you were partnered with him for your upcoming project, he couldn’t possibly show his disapproval when you were so excited telling him all the little details you needed to prepare for. So he bit his tongue and let it bypass, forcing down his complaints because, “it’s just work, nothing more,” you cheerfully responded while combing through his hair, his arms wrapped around you as he pouted, “you’ll be with a guy?” 
He usually didn’t care who you were partnered with, just with fucking Tanaka-san he did — anyone but him.
The Tanaka-san that you talked so highly about. The one that always brought in an extra cup of coffee, because it just so happened that your favorite cafe near work would always mess up his order and give him a drink for free.
He’ll quickly text you, clicking his tongue in annoyance in his car, angrily shaking his legs as he stared daggers into the man.
>> baby! coffee and pastries are on me for you and your team ( : 
>> and don’t drink that.
<< satoru… go to work, he’s just a coworker.
<< … and you bought lunch for us yesterday.
>> what? :p can’t spoil my princess? Damn the world is such a heartless place now, my girlfriend won't even let me love her. 
&lt;;< Gojo Satoru.
>> heh… yes? That’s my name!
<< go to work, Ijichi-san is calling me.
>> a thank you will be nice. or even a kiss, i’m still here ( : 
Or when Satoru texts or calls during your lunch hours, the stupid Tanaka-san will always be in the photo or facetime, somehow always being mentioned that you were getting lunch with him. 
And fucking god, whenever he would pick you up from work, he’ll see right through his actions, when Satoru catches Tanaka-san’s eyes linger on you a little too long for just a normal co-worker basis. 
Fucking scrub, Satoru mentally cursed, the audacity of the guy to think he even had a chance with you. It took him eight years of pure agonizing delay, and there was no way he could top that. 
Satoru noticed your phone was set on the table. Vacant and unused as you absentmindedly walked off to get some water. You made it so easy for him. 
“Babe, I need to check something real quick, can I use your phone?” 
“Sure,” you mindlessly nodded away.
Your phone recognizing his face, he quickly scanned through your messages to send a text.
>> Tanaka-San, sorry but my phone is dead. Can you text this number instead? 03-xxxx-xxxx 
>> thanks ! ( :
&lt;;< sure! 
And before you came back, Satoru quickly pressed the messages with his thumb, quickly deleting any evidence.
“O-oh god,” panting while your fingers gripped onto the sheets, anything, to steady yourself as he rammed his cock into you.
“that’s the spot, yea?” throwing his head back, his hands now pressing at your waist, pulling your hips upward, allowing his cock to hit that very deep sweet spot only he can reach.
“you like it here right,” he growled, watching you with sweat dripping down his temple, his stomach deliciously flexed with every thrust he mercilessly pistoled his cock in.
“s-slow down! Youre gonna make me cum again,” you cried out, tears fanning your view.
Of course, he was, multiple times in fact. 
Most times, he’ll gently cradle you in his arms, fucking you gently before picking up his pace. Prepping you fully while you impatiently writhed in his arms, your pussy wet as he slapped his cock on your hardened bud. He wasn’t one to shy from being too rough, nor was he hesitant to be soft. He’ll always stay tuned to your emotions and place you before his own release, but today… the sight of you crying solely because of his cock gave him an ego boost — especially knowing a certain brat was waiting for your attention. 
Chuckling as he gave you a lascivious smile, the one that wasn’t his usual flirty nor sweet — the one that was onset with hunger and annoyance. 
“Then cum,” he mockingly ordered, the slapping of his hips meeting your ass harshly echoed. 
“it’s too much!” You cried out, your breasts bouncing with every thrust he made, barely making the words through the thick smell of sex and humidity in the room.
You weren’t sure if the sheer length of his cock entering deep inside you was stripping you of air, or the sudden match of his swollen lips on yours that made you feel suffocated. 
“Satoru! ngh” you gasped in between his passionate kisses, “I-it’s too deep!”
“Angel,” he whispered, his breath closely fanning over your hot cheeks as the rhythm of his hips firmly pressed in, his thrusts unforgiving as he watched you ricochet at the force. His hand now placed a little over the base of your tummy, “don’t you feel me? I’m right here, silly.” Emphasizing his last word with a taunting smile.
“but ‘Toru —” 
It was almost impossible but Satoru made it happen — he always did. Because within a split second, you felt his ass clench and balls slap firmly against your ass, groaning as his breath slightly hitched, “fuck you feel so good,” he rasped as his toned arms caged you in, leaving you no room but to face him, “you feel me, baby… this is how far I can go when I’m inside you, crazy isn’t it?”
Buzz! Buzz!
“fucking shit,” he cursed as his eyes shot to his phone, clicking his tongue in annoyance. Despite the little prank he pulled with your coworker, Satoru himself forgot who the recipient was as he mentally cursed at whoever was disrupting his time with you. 
Quickly switching positions, flipping you onto your stomach, pressing you down with his weight as all 7.2 inches of his cock throbbed inside you, he hooked his arms under your, clenching his ass while rutting in.
Buzz! Buzz!
“Y-your phone,” you moaned out as you felt your boyfriend swiftly pulsing in, the slapping of skin muffling the sound of his phone, “it keeps ringing fuckkk,” you pulled out a moan, “maybe it’s important ‘toru!”
“i swear if it’s Suguru,” Satoru spat through gritted teeth, “im gonna kick his ass.” his hand reached over to his phone, immediately rolling his tongue against his teeth. Squinting from the harsh light of his screen, nothing could tick him off more than seeing his name.
Scrub — aka Tanaka-san.
<< scrub (27 minutes ago)
hi! you asked me to text this number so I did! 
let me know when you’re free
<< scrub (15 minutes ago)
Hello, are you still up to facetime? 
<< scrub (8 minutes ago)
Let me know when you’re free! (: 
Also, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something…
<< scrub (2 minutes ago)
Are you there? Let me know if you’re okay.
I’m getting a little worried now…
<< missed call from scrub (10 seconds ago)
“Why the fuck is he over-exaggerating,” Satoru’s voice laced with venom, clearly pissed when he feels his phone vibrate again in his hands, the caller ‘Scrub’ not knowing when to quit.
“dumb fuck doesn’t know when to stop does he?” he hissed, throwing his phone to the side before giving him your attention again, pressing his member further in as he grunted at the weight of your walls falling plush to his length — fluttering and warm.
“w-who — ah!” you gasped when the tip of his head teasingly grazed against your sweet spot, struggling to breathe with the weight of your boyfriend on top of you.
“It’s no one,” Satoru chuckled, cupping your sweaty face as he pulled on your lower lip, “aw guess i’m not doing my job correctly,” his arms quickly moved to cage your legs to rest on his shoulders, making it so easy for him to breed you right then and there, “if you can think while i’m fucking you.”
“—ngh! It feels so so good, ‘Toru! More more!” 
“Yea, you like that?”   
Managing to get your arms around him, despite the pressing of your thighs on your chest, you whimpered while pulling him even further down, “mhm I love it, makes me so full…” 
Buzz! Buzz! 
“I fucking swear,” Satoru mentally chimed as he grasped for his phone, standing on his knees as he ran his wet hair through his fingers, showcasing his forehead as you watched his features highlighted through the screen light.
“Hurry…” you cooed, running your foot up his chest to play with his nipple,  smirking as you seductively bit your pinky when he hugged your thigh with one arm while he scrolled through his phone. His biceps perfectly curling against your calves.
The veins on his forearms bulging as his grip tightened against his poor device that he could easily break with how pissed he was getting.
At this point it wasn’t even the fucking scrub that irked him, it was the simple fact that this prick managed to get on his nerves.  
>> scrub
Please pick up, I hope everything is okay. 
“Turn around for me, daddy’s got some business,” his voice laced in humor yet his actions said otherwise. Before quickly sending a text, he ordered, “and get on your knees for me baby.”
“O-okay,” your obedience was so cute. Normally you would’ve picked a fight, not letting him get what he wanted so easily, but today you were rather submissive.
Getting on your knees, you felt his thighs spread out your legs further, his vacant hand kneading your bum as he ran the tip of his head against your wet cunt, pressing himself in slowly when his dick was felt nicely lubricated with your slick.
“Fuck…” he hissed through his teeth, watching his girth perfectly stretching you out from behind. 
Buzz. buzz. His phone vibrated in his hand.  
“Good girl, let me take this call real quick, it’s really important,” quickly pressing a kiss to your back.
Fastidiously looking back, your eyes round in panic, “wait Satoru are you serious right —”
He rammed his length into you, stifling you as he almost knocked the wind out of your chest.
“be quiet for me, yea? We’ve done this before,” he smirked, “just think it’s suguru on the line.”
“B-but this is different,” you panted while grasping hold of his pillow. It felt nice with Satoru’s scent covered all of it. Despite knowing this was wrong, how improper this was, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of eroticism in all of this — fucking while he was on a business call… what devil came over you.
And he, the epitome of the devil himself had the nerve to send you a wink as he flashed his canines in a smile, his cock bullying your cunt, “shhh,” he mouthed while placing a finger on his lips, “just be good for me and just take my cock, yea? Don’t want nobody hearing my baby.”
Quickly losing any resolve when he knowingly pushed deeper inside. “You pervert — Ah… just right there…” you softly mumbled, your body moving forward when he retracted back to meet him in the middle for a harsher impact.
Satoru loved to spread your ass, he swore he saw stars when he saw your wet cunt, your cute little hole, wrapped so tightly around him, his sheer size stretching your rim. 
“You love me,” Satoru cheekily responded before lightly biting your shoulder. And in that you did, no denying. And he knew that — fully, most entirely well. 
With adrenaline pumping through his blood, nothing could stop him from tearing this man up into pieces for even glancing at what was his.
“Hello,” Gojo’s voice was calm, his dilated cerulean eyes locked to the crevice of your ass where his cock slowly pulled out and entered back in to disappear.
“Gojo-san?” the other man questioned, briefly taking a second to respond, “Oh, I- I hope you’re well, Gojo-san.”
“I am, you seem rather disappointed it’s me,” Gojo joked, voice laced with sarcasm.
“No, never! I just didn’t expect —”
“Expect me to answer?” 
“well yes…”
You could barely hear the other line. You knew it wasn’t Ijichi-san, his voice was much higher in pitch. And it wasn’t Suguru, or else Satoru wouldn’t be so tense… nor would he give two fucks if his best friend could hear. 
“‘Toru,” you moaned, “who is it?” you softly muttered.
“Shhh, angel,” Gojo soothed, “ keep going just like that,” he guided with his free hand placed at the small of your back to pace your hip movements, “she’s a bit occupied right now.”
“Oh.. I see,” the man on the other line awkwardly responded, “do you know when she’ll be free?”
“Not sure,” your boyfriend hummed, though his voice was calm, his lower portion of his body wasn’t. Because when he felt you intentionally clench on his length, looking back with your face smushed on his pillow — so delicate, so needy — he felt the insufferable knot in the bottom of his stomach start to burn and his balls twitch.
Suddenly thrusting in, making your whole body jolt, shaking at the force of his head bumping against the familiar gushy spot, “Is it something I can help you with?”
“Are you sure? I’m sure you’re a very busy man and all —” Tanaka trailed on stating how grateful he would be, an honor if the Gojo Satoru could help, but it went through one ear and out the other for Satoru. 
“Mhm,” he mindlessly responded, “if you present that idea as your last point, giving multiple sources and data to prove it, i don’t find a reason why your boss won’t further finance your project.”
Looking at his phone to see a pdf file sent, quickly scanning over the details, “tidy up the numbers, I think your calculations are off on slide twelve.”
“Thank you, Gojo-san… uhm i-if i could ask one more question —”
“ ‘toru,” you mewled — you shouldn’t, you absolutely shouldn’t but you did knowing he’ll cave. Your boyfriend looked hot seeing him doing his work, talking in verbage that seemed so knowledgeable. And he was readily available — always.
“i wanna see you.”
“Hold up, can I keep you on hold for a brief moment,” Gojo stated, mindlessly pressing the mute button before he heard his response, throwing the phone to the side.
“Oh sure, that’s alright —”
His tongue swiped up from the base of your back as he grasped hold of your cheeks with one hand, pressing you down again into his favorite position. his hot breath seething to your ears as the only sounds aside for you both was the slapping of wet skin hitting eachother.
“Missed me?” he grins when he sees you nodding, “aren’t you a little naughty for distracting me.”
Normally you would scoff at his teasing banters, rolling your eyes as you listened to Satoru try with his questionable choice of words. He still had a childish habit of thinking you both were still young, freshly in your late teens as you both explored your sexual fantasies. 
It was laughable, really. A man calculative and deemed honorable to society was nothing but a child that whined for your attention. 
And this same man did rather unexplainable things to you. Like leaving you breathless with his love and how he served you as his lover, to the way he fucked you senseless, leaving you babbering and writhing for more.
The wonton groans echoed in the room fuzzies your mind, oftentimes making it hard to expand your lungs to inhale.
“breathe, focus on me,” he guided you — noticing you were struggling, noticing you were awfully close.
The familiar clench of your inner walls wrapping against his cock as he pushed deeper in, his breathing halts for a brief moment while his feet dug into the mattress, his ass clenching with every thrust. 
“I’m so so close, ‘toru—‘m gonna….gonna—”
“I know, me too,” he groans while biting your shoulder, letting out a sweet gasp that leaves you shivering in his arms, “just give me a little more, yea?”
“Yes! Yes, more — need m-more!”
“Squeeze a little for me,” he gathers your thighs to create more friction for his cock to pass through your entrance. And immediately you clenched your thighs, knowing just how he liked it.
“just like that, squeezing me so tight,” he murmured while kissing your back.
You know he’s close. It’s in the way his sloppy thrusts, and his pace lacked his usual tempo. The girth of his voice stammering as his thumb firmly pressed against your clit, shoving his hand underneath you to rub circles like it was the most imperative thing for him to do besides holding his high just until he could spill his seeds into your dripping cunt after you reached your high. 
“s— ‘toru.” youre close too. He can feel it in the way you call out his name. The way your walls fluttered and your slick made his cock every so easily penetrate inside you.
You were perfect — just like this, with no interference, with no Tanaka san — just you and him connected as one.
Was it naughty? Hell yea, and he loved every second of it.
But was keeping your coworker on hold while he fucked you a good idea? Probably not. You’ll most likely chew his ear off if you ever heard of this.
But, maybe it was the hormones raging inside him talking or he seriously didn’t give two cents about that scrub, but he thinks he heard something muffled through the covers, the culprit being his phone.
Maybe it was the notification for your period tracker? Guess it would be around this time it alerted him.
It could be Ijichi begging for him to respond to his email saying it was urgent — nothing was more urgent than this. 
Oh well, whatever it was guess that’ll be future Satoru's problem.
“Please —’m close, ‘toru l-let me hold you,” you whined. 
“Kay turn around for me,” quickly lifting himself, just enough so he could angle his cock swiftly in without much effort.
“You okay?” he lets out a chuckle when he sees your messy state — it’s beautiful, makes him want to bother you even more.
“Satoru, i think you literally fucked a baby inside me this time —” instead of finishing your statement, you ended up gasping. Pulling him closer, back arching and eyes rolling as your boyfriend ignorantly drove himself in, bullying your pussy while splitting you in half as the coil in your stomach inevidenatly snaps with his force. 
This time? Well… it’s laughable — your innocence. 
“Oh sweetheart,” firmly pinning down your hips, pushing down with his chest pressed down upon your breasts, his arms securely caging you in — locking in his prey, licking his lips just ready to devour. It was easy to miss the intent of his words, his voice for a moment tender and sweet contrasted to his cock pistoling mercilessly into your abused cunt, “that’s the point of fucking.”
The familiar pain he felt on his back, mildly stinging from a sweat, felt all too euphoric and sinful, yet his eyes ran to the back of his head in pure bliss.
The tugging of your arms against the ends of his hair, pulling you closer to your body despite the desperate cries requesting that he slow down… he knew you all too well to do anything else but listen to you.
Because just as he predicted, you gasp. Your walls spasm and your body shivers. The heat in your tummy that’s been threatening its release finally fires. With your eyes rolled back, you cum — hard with a warm liquid leaking out of your swollen cunt.
Nothing can send him off the edge more than him watching you reach your high. So when he sees you tensing and murderously clenching on his cock, the heat of your high running down his inner thighs, his bedsheets drenched in fluid, a similar gasp befalls his lips. 
His voice cracks while muttering something incomprehensible as his arms tighten their grip around your body, his hips rutting desperately into you.
“Cum for me pretty,” you purred — eyes dazed and tired, yet holding on till the end. 
And then he snaps. Hiding his face into the crook of your neck, desperately holding onto you as he pulls in a final thrust, his hot seeds shooting straight inside and his balls coiling inside the sac. 
His voice was filled with so much desperation. His moans echoeing, verberating through the halls. 
“Shit this pussy does wonders,” he groans with his jaw clenched, “keep it all in, all of it for me,” he rasped before smothering his lips with yours. 
Satoru moans while kissing you. Rocking his hips loosely back and forth into you, your mind feeling dizzy — maybe at the thought of his cum being pushed further in, or that he fucked you so full. 
He shivered a bit, he always did post-cum. Clinging onto you without any resolve to get down.
“You’re heavy,” giving him a hug while placing soft kisses against his cheeks.
“I’ll get off in a minute,” he whined while placing your hand on his head, “little more like this.”
Giggling as you scratched at his scalp, “can you wash me up —” 
“Hello? G-gojo san…” there was a muffle in between his sheets.
What the hell was that? Until you remembered — “Oh my fucking god Satoru!” you panicked, immediately pushing him off you, your partner immediately groaning when his clock slipped out of your warmth. He couldn’t help but take a peak if it’ll spill out — and it did, a shining puddle of his cum slowly pooling in his sheets… drip by drip out of your pretty cunt — god he wanted to stuff it back in.
“Your phone!” you whispered while quickly wrapping yourself with his sheets — as if that’ll undo what he did.
“you left him on hold!” 
“It’s your fault,” he groaned as he shifted his body to lie on his back, pulling himself up to lean against the backboard. It creaked a bit. Did he fuck you that hard? Impossible. 
“What?” you stupidly looked at him, brows furrowed at his audacity to blame you.
Well if your pussy wasn’t so good, he thought while begrudgingly picking up the phone, maybe he wouldn’t have completely forgotten about the prick that was on the other line.
“hey sorry, bout that,” Satoru grunted while wiping off the excess cum on his dick with a tissue.
He couldn’t remember if he pressed the unmute button, but couldn’t care less if he did. 
“T-that’s alright,” the other line sounded off, almost uncomfortable.
“You need anything else?”
“Uhm… no, that’s okay, uh… have a good night, sir.”
Sir? What the fuck was with the honorifics all of a sudden…
“Well you too, good night. And oh, don’t bring coffee anymore, that’s my job.”
— next morning.
“Remind me the next time you decide to fuck me on a work day” the ache in between your legs causing your voice to be laced with venom as you swirled your instant coffee, “that I cut your dick off.”
“But it felt good no?” your partner scoffed through the line, “and aren’t you the one that, I quote, ” sarcastically clearing his voice “‘toru harder! Harder, satoru harder! I’m so full! Cum inside —”
“Gojo satoru,” your voice panning, “yes maam,” your boyfriend immediately straightened after hearing his full name. 
“So… i’ll pick you up later tonight —” Satoru tested his waters only to be cut off when he heard a familiar voice on the other line. 
“Hello —” 
What the fuck. 
“Oh! Tanaka-san,” you chirped, “good morning! Coffee?” you offered to make him a cup.
“No thank you…”
“Well, I was waiting for your call last night, how come you didn’t call?”
“Sweets?” Satoru called out successfully getting your attention.
“Oh sorry, one moment.” apologetically smiling to your coworker, “hey baby, call you later! I’m with Tanaka-san! Bye!” you ended the call before hearing your boyfriend’s response. 
“Uhm…” your coworker nervously played with his thumbs, “yea… about that… c-can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Yes, is everything okay?” you worriedly asked. 
“Of course, I —” letting out a frustrated sigh, “I think there was a little misunderstanding.”
“Of?” you questioned, pursing your lips in confusion.
“I… I think your boyfriend —” catching himself with his error, “sorry… Gojo san misconstrued my actions for something else,” the poor man murmured.
“I’m sorry, Tanaka-san, I don’t seem to follow…” 
“I called him yesterday while —” stopping himself from continuing with the thought, “and I promise it wasn’t because of what he presumed it to be, and I won’t tell a soul about what happened,” the man continually stammered, his face becoming increasingly pale while anxiously rubbing his hands together, “i..i — i thought it would be nice to get some tips about how to pursue a lady, b-but I think I overstepped my boundaries.”
“You called him?” unsure when they both exchanged numbers — maybe it was when Satoru picked you up a drunken night from a company dinner. 
Tanaka-san was kind. He always held these gentle eyes that always seemed to calm anyone’s soul from just being around him. He would shyly pass you a morning coffee while he held another for someone else — Yamada-san, the one he’s been secretly crushing on since the day of her transfer two years ago. The Tanaka-san that would walk two steps behind you just so he could see if his crush dropped anything from her purse — a tendency she can’t quite fix because he’ll always be mindful of her.
You knew of his crush, and you wished to help him all that more. 
But right now, his eyes were filled with embarrassment and anxiety as he talked to you — it was unfamiliar and cold.
“Do you want to talk this through over lunch?” you cheerfully invited, trying your best to fill the awkward tension between you both — more so, the guard he had with you. 
“No!” flinching as he walked back, “Sorry, I think I should go,” Tanaka-san looked away, gulping as he started to walk in the other direction, “I-I think I’ll get lunch on my own today, sorry.”
“Wait — tanaka-san!” you called out, your surrounding coworkers oddly looking at you while passing by.
“Well that was weird,” you murmured, crossing your arms while leaning against the breakroom wall. You couldn’t say his actions hurt you because you couldn’t understand why he would be so suddenly defensive with you, but it did leave an unshakeable impression that you knew one person would have the answer to. 
Confused, you decided it was best to ask the potential culprit himself.
>> So… why did Tanaka-san just apologize to me about you misunderstanding something? Saying that he shouldn’t have called you last night?
<< oh… about that?
>> oh god what did you do?
<< well…
<< i might’ve forgotten to click the mute button :p ….
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author's comment: idk what comes over me when i write smut for him. it just fleshes out to long fics when they weren't meant to be this long. But anyways… I hope you all enjoyed as much as i love writing for him!!!!
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sweatervest-obsessed · 4 months
Text
Unexpected Visitor
Pairing: Spencer Reid x G!n Reader
WC: 788
A/N: A lil Spencer Xmas Blurb while I figure my shit out. Also! I'm imagining older seasons Spencer for this one.
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"Hi! I'm, uh, so sorry to bug you but, um, do you know where Spe--Doctor Reid's desk is? Or, really, where D-Doctor Reid is?" .
Derek Morgan had to get his shit together because his jaw almost dropped when you walked in. What was some hot piece of ass doing, dressed like that, looking for Boy Genius.
He jumped up from his chair and strolled over to where you had stopped Garcia, who was just as flabbergasted as he was. "Reid is currently in a meeting sweetheart--may I ask what you, uh, want with him?"
You raised your eyebrows at the 'sweetheart', but smiled anyways. "He was supposed to be home about an hour ago and he wasn't answering his phone, so instead of panicking, because I know what you do for work, I wanted to come in and check before I lost my shit."
"Home?" Garcia squeaked out, still baffafled by how gorgeous you looked. It was like you were sent straight from heaven, a literal vision.
You nodded and tilted your head, slightly confused. "Y-Yeah...I'm sorry why is that---"
"We just didn't know Reid was living with anyone, let alone seeing someone."
"Ah." You nodded. "He's private like that, isn't he." Your smile warmed the two of them, and you shifted the coat from one arm to the other.
"y/n?"
You turned your head towards the back of the bullpen, and Spencer was walking out of Hatch's office. "What are you doing here?"
"Being introduced to your friends and coworkers since you haven't."
Spencer bit the inside of his cheeks and walked over to you both, placing his hand on the small of your back. You felt how tense he was.
"I'm here because our reservation is in twenty minutes and you said you'd be home over an hour ago." You looked at Spencer, whose eyes went a little wide.
"Shit. I-I didn't realize what time it was---"
"I have your suit in the car, and this is why I made the reservation for eight pm, instead of Seven."
"And this is why I love you." Spencer kissed your head and rushed over to his desk, scrambling to grab all of his papers and his bag and his coat and his scarf and his--
"Hi Y/n." Spencer looked up at the mention of your name, pausing in his frantic nature.
"Hi Aaron." You gave him a quick hug, but a bright smile. "How are you?"
"Well." He laughed a little. "I'd be better if we didn't have to work the day before Christmas Eve since I still need to wrap all of Jack's presents still."
"Oh how is Jack!"
"He's doing well. finally starting to enjoy reading, no thanks to you."
You laughed at his joke, all the while Derek and Garcia just shared an incredulous look. How the hell did you know Hotch? Jack?!? Why does Jack's reading habits connect to you--
"Ready sweetheart?" Spencer appeared at your side and you nodded. "It was lovely to see you Aaron. I'll stop by some time tomorrow to drop off Jack's gifts as well as yours. I got it when Spence I and went to Paris last month. I think you'll enjoy it!"
"That's why you weren't here for two weeks?" Penelope's jaw was on the floor. "I didn't take you to be a Parisian man Doctor Reid."
"W-Well, um--"
"It was for my birthday. My choice. I love art and museums so it made sense. Well, it was lovely to meet you all but we have a reservation to get to." You gave them all a quick smile before taking Spencer's hand and walking towards the elevator, your shoes clicking on the floor with every step you took.
"How long have the two of them been together?" Morgan turned to Hotch after you both had gotten in the elevator.
"I think today is their two year anniversary."
"TWO YEARS." Garcia clutched her hypothetical pearls. "How have I not known? How have WE not known?"
"He's private, and...well. You know Y/n."
"No we clearly do not know Hotch."
Hotch gave them a little smirk and a shrug. "Merry Christmas guys. I'll see you on the twenty-seventh."
As Hotch walked away, Garcia and Morgan just stared at one another. "So we're..."
"Going to spend then next ten minutes in my office finding everything out about this mystery person Spencer has been apparently dating for two years?"
"You read my mind mama. A little Christmas snooping never hurt anyone..."
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